what-to-say

WHAT TO SAY

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JOSHUA PELLICER

WHAT TO SAY

Table of Contents 1. Introduction................................................................................ 1 2. Getting Ready............................................................................. 8 3. Walking In................................................................................ 21 4. Eye Contact and Body Language................................................ 34 5. Running the Room..................................................................... 43 6. Meeting Women at Night, One Girl............................................... 54 7. Meeting Women at Night, Two Girls............................................. 68 8. Meeting Women at Night, Group Dynamics................................... 88 9. Meeting Women During the Day.................................................106 10. What to Say When................................................................ 123 11. Pulling the Trigger...................................................................131 12. Conclusion.............................................................................144

Table of Contents

WHAT TO SAY

1. Introduction

T

here is something you are doing every day that turns off every hot woman you meet. It has nothing to do with what you wear or what you look like. It has nothing to do with how much money you make or how many friends you have. It is something that women notice about you in a split-second, and that they instantly judge you on. You are hesitating. Plain and simple, you are not dating the girl of your dreams because you are hesitating every time you see her, and hesitation murders attraction. Imagine, for a moment, the girl of your dreams… your perfect ten. If you’re like 99% of the male population, this will be a girl that makes you a little nervous; the one that turns you on and gives you butterflies, because on some level you see her as being “out of your league.” Maybe you know her already. Maybe she’s the one that got away, or maybe you met her through friends. Maybe you hang out with her a lot, and you’ve been waiting for it to feel like the “right time” to make a move. Maybe you don’t actually know her, but you see her around and you wish you were the guy she was sleeping with. You know… that girl. If you saw that girl walk by in the next five minutes, would you walk right up to her? Could you approach her, with zero hesitation, and know exactly what to say to get her attention and make her want you? Be honest. Imagine a time you might see that girl. Maybe you’re out on a Friday night with your friends and she’s on the dance floor in a circle of her girlfriends, all of them looking untouchably hot. Maybe she’s standing at the bar ordering drinks and not paying attention or sitting across the room shooting you little glances every now and then. Hell, you might

1 Introduction

WHAT TO SAY see that girl tomorrow buying produce at the grocery store or standing in line ordering her morning latte on your way to work. Maybe you “man up” and approach her, maybe you don’t. Maybe you come across super confident and charming, maybe you feel anxious and don’t know what to say. Maybe she loves talking to you, or maybe she feels weird five minutes in and excuses herself to “go to the bathroom.” The point is, wherever and whenever you see that girl, think about what you would do in that moment. Because that’s really all you get: one moment of opportunity. Do you seize that moment or do you hesitate? Sometimes it’s only an instant, and then she’s gone. You have all of ten seconds to make a move, then… the girl of your dreams just walked out of Starbucks and you didn’t do anything. The moment came and went, and you wussed out. That’s a terrible feeling to walk around with. You feel worthless as a man, completely incapable of getting what you want. You know that women are attracted to confidence, but it’s really hard to feel self-confident when, every time you get nervous, you fail yourself. I know how bad that feels. I used to live with that feeling every single day. Then, something happened to drag me out of my little cave of self-pity, and I made a decision. I told myself I was not going to be one of those guys who settles. I wasn’t going to just accept that I wasn’t good enough to get my dream girl, and I wasn’t going to end up being alone or settling for a mediocre relationship for the rest of my life. I told myself I was going to get this attracting women thing handled or I was going to die trying. I didn’t know how I was going to do that at first, and I felt like all the chips were stacked against me. I mean, I’m just a normal-looking dude. I’m short, I’m not very strong, I’m balding, and (between you and me) I’m definitely not well-endowed. You wouldn’t look at me and think, “Wow, that guy must get lots of women.” But at this point in my life, I know how to approach and attract any woman I want, and I am extremely good at it.

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WHAT TO SAY I spent years studying psychology, relationships and attraction. I went from having zero female options in my life, to having so many I needed to write their names in a book to keep track of them. I went through a period when I was polyamorous, meaning openly and honestly dating multiple women at the same time (you can learn more about my polyamory experiences here). It was a long journey filled with a lot of failure, a lot of experimentation, and a LOT of sex. It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, and it was all worthwhile because at this point, I’m dating the girl of my dreams. My personal goal now is to get every man in the world to stop settling for a woman who isn’t absolutely what he desires. I have worked as a professional dating coach, a social dynamics and charisma instructor and a body language expert. I have trained everyone from athletes, to celebrities, to marketers; from students in their freshman year in college to men in their 80s. This book is going to teach you one of the most important skill-sets you’ll ever learn: how to meet and attract the gorgeous women you truly desire, and deserve. First, let’s get something out of the way because there’s a lot of bad advice out there and a lot of misconceptions about attracting women. This is not a book of pickup lines or scripted routines. If you want those you can find a million on the Internet for free. Don’t worry, I‘m going to give you some great lines in this book, but none of them are going to do anything to change your success with women until you realize one thing: When you first walk up to a woman, what you say doesn’t really matter. What matters is how you say it. That is the biggest point I want to make in this book. When you understand this, it will change the way you approach every interaction for the rest of your life. Seeing as how this book is called What to Say, it may strike you as

3 Introduction

WHAT TO SAY ironic to learn that “what” you’re saying isn’t really a big deal. In fact, about 80 percent of communication is entirely non-verbal. In any given interaction, about 60 percent of the conversation comes across through body language, and another 20 percent comes across in your vocal tonality. Only the final 20 percent is comprised of the words that are actually coming out of your mouth. This is why pickup lines, in the traditional sense, never work - because the “line” is only 20 percent of what you’re communicating. The fantasy of the pickup line – that there is one line you can say that will attract a woman every time you say it – is just that; a fantasy. If that were the case, every guy would be saying that one line all of the time, and whoever discovered it would have been awarded the Nobel Prize for Badassery. There is, however, a system that works every time because every woman is psychologically wired in the same way. This book will explain that system. Before we dive into this, I’m going to let you in on something it took me years to realize: women want you to succeed with them. They’re on your team. They will give you every opportunity imaginable for you to walk up, flirt, make conversation, connect, seduce, and sleep with them. Women want that to happen just as much as you do. They’re just not going to do it for you. And the hard truth is, the hotter they are, the smaller their tolerance for error, because you are competing for their attention with so many other guys. Especially in the beginning phase of the interaction, where you create this wonderful little emotion called attraction. In these crucial “first impression” moments, hesitation is like kryptonite to attraction. And if you don’t want to hesitate, you have to know what to say ahead of time, which is why you picked up this book.

What You Are About To Learn I shied away from teaching this for a long time.

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WHAT TO SAY I usually prefer teaching the broader concepts of social dynamics. I want my students to have a deeper understanding of the psychology behind attraction, and to understand why they are doing things, so they can figure out how to handle any situation they come across. I’d rather teach you how to fish than hand you one trout at a time. However, there are some things that just lend themselves to a nutsand-bolts, “do this, then that” style of teaching, and building attraction is one of them. This book is going to be very focused on the specifics of how to approach and create attraction the right way. Meaning: how to walk up, how to move your body, and what to say when you open your mouth. You will still learn the “why” behind everything I’m going to teach you, but this book – more so than any of my other teachings – will show you exactly what attraction looks like when you put it into action. If she’s walking down the street toward you, what’s the best way to stop her? What if she’s walking in the same direction as you? How do you walk up if she’s standing at the bar by herself? Sitting with a friend? On the dance floor in a huge group, surrounded by guys? This book will cover 99% of the scenarios you will encounter on your journey to meeting and attracting the woman of your dreams. It took me years of trial-and-error to learn and develop the information you’re about to read. I took every idea I could think of, threw them at the wall and kept what stuck, leaving me with an entire book’s worth of my most effective material. I can confidently say from experience that this stuff works, and my students will unanimously agree. Once again, I want to address something head-on here: this is not a collection of pick-up lines or scripted routines. This is an in-depth explanation of the psychological principles behind approaching and attracting beautiful women, which I’m going to teach by providing A LOT of real-world examples. But of course, the concepts and examples you’re about to read only work if you use them. If you take these techniques and actually apply them, you will gain the ability to build powerful attraction with any girl you meet. But I must stress, you cannot learn how to do this without

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WHAT TO SAY doing it. That’s why I’ve broken it all down for you in great detail – so you’ll never again have the excuse that you don’t know what to do, or what to say.

Night Versus Day The concepts in this book will have two spins: nighttime and daytime. An approach that works during the nighttime won’t work as well during the day, and vice-versa. The reason for this is that our mindsets are different in each case. During the daytime, we feel like we can’t hide. At night we have a subtle shift in our psychology because we feel like we can hide. Psychologically speaking, we feel more exposed during the daytime. We don’t typically have our guard up as much because we feel like everyone can see us already, and there’s no option to hide. We’re out there in the open and it feels normal and comfortable. The average person will be much more open to having a conversation with a stranger during the day. Women are not expecting to be approached by men (because it rarely happens) so they aren’t as guarded. A psychological shift occurs in our minds as daylight fades. We feel comforted by darkness and start to feel like we can hide parts of ourselves. We also become more guarded around each other. Women at night, especially in a bar or club, have different patterns on their minds. A typical pattern – “guys are going to be coming up to me and trying to say whatever they can to get me into bed.” Most women have their guard up at nighttime because they expect on some level for that to happen. Our minds run on different patterns during the daytime and during the nighttime. This is important to understand because the best way to approach a woman and attract her, no matter what time of day, is to break her pattern. I’ll be going over this in more detail in the following chapters. Note: The nighttime distinction doesn’t just apply to going to bars. Honestly, I used to hate bars, but I started to like them a lot more once I learned how to walk in the door and get any woman I wanted to leave with me. However, if you really don’t like going to bars, that’s fine. There

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WHAT TO SAY are lots of other places to meet women at night – parties, lounges, shows, or just hanging out. However, don’t be one of those guys who doesn’t go to bars because you don’t think you can find high-quality women there. That’s something I get really tired of hearing. Most single women go to bars at some point, and there’s no way they’re lower quality at the bar than they are at any other place you might meet them. Not only that, but bars and nightclubs are some of the best places to practice these skills because they draw a high volume of good-looking women to one place. The only difference between meeting women at a bar or somewhere else is in how you should approach them. Once you understand that you can meet women wherever and whenever you want.

How To Read This Book Treat this book as a valuable reference. Read through the first nine chapters in order. That will give you the background you need to understand 99% of conceivable scenarios in which you’ll meet women. Chapter 10 – “What to Say When…” is a condensed list of those scenarios and how to handle them. Use that chapter for reference whenever you need it. Chapter 11 – “Pulling the Trigger” – bridges the gap between the initial phase of attraction and moving into rapport and seduction, which are outside the scope of this book. As you read through this book, take notes on anything that especially impacts you, as I suspect you will have some major “light bulb” moments. If you read it all the way through in one sitting, your brain will probably light up like a Christmas tree. This book contains all the information you wish you knew the last time you saw a hot girl and your mind went suddenly, perplexingly blank. When your excuse process kicked in, and you started thinking of all the reasons you couldn’t walk up to her, make her smile and turn her on the way you know you can. This is everything that works, and nothing that doesn’t.

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WHAT TO SAY

2. Getting Ready

H

ave you ever gone out to a bar with the intent of being social and meeting people, walked up to one group who didn’t respond well or didn’t seem to like you, and as a result the whole night sucked? Have you ever been in a packed bar full of women and said, or heard someone say, “No one’s here, this bar is lame.” Conversely, have you ever gone out to a bar just trying to have a good time with your friends, and without even realizing how it happened, conversations just started opening up for you, your confidence took off, and women just seemed drawn to you and your group? You know the vibe, when you feel like you’re on fire and everything becomes easy and fun. That’s called being “in-state,” and you should feel that way every time you go out. Most people have no idea how to control their emotional state, so they leave it to chance. They go out thinking they’ll be able to wing it, hoping to just “see what happens.” And when faced with any kind of stress or anxiety, their state drops and their night falls apart, as if they were frozen by a pair of breasts headlights. You are not going to do that anymore. When you are in-state, every social interaction becomes easier for you. When you are not in-state, you feel a lot of internal resistance that can – and will – make your life miserable. The difference, as it turns out, is all in your preparation. In this chapter I’m going to teach you a system for getting in-state while you’re getting ready to go out, before you even get to where you’re going. When you’re getting ready to go out, you should consciously be taking steps to get yourself into the state you want to be in. Most guys don’t do this. They sit on the couch with their friends, watching TV and drinking until 11:30, and then go once they are sure the bars are full, thinking

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WHAT TO SAY that pre-gaming in their living room is going to magically make them social animals once they get there. You might hook up with a lot of drunk, average-looking girls this way, but how many times has it gotten you a serious hottie? When you get to the place you’re going, you don’t want to be “cold,” you want to already be “on fire.” A lot of guys think that attraction begins when you walk up and start speaking to a girl. That’s wrong. Attraction actually begins at the moment she becomes aware of you, which is usually before you ever open your mouth or even know she is there. It’s typically when you first walk into the room and she sees you, but it can even take place before that if she hears about you from someone else. Whenever her “introduction” to you happens; the moment you become a blip on her radar. This is the first time she becomes aware that you exist. And as common wisdom dictates, first impressions are a bitch. However, you can maximize the impact of your first impression by understanding how to prepare yourself when you’re getting ready to go out and socialize. It’s easier than you think, and it’s something that 99% of guys overlook.

First Impressions Like it or not, people will judge you as soon as they see you. You do this to other people too. We all do it. It’s a necessary device that allows our minds to comprehend complex social behavior. Your subconscious mind is extremely powerful. It processes 10,000 bits of information for every one bit of information that your conscious mind processes. 10,000 to 1! It’s also photographic. It remembers everything, and because of that, it is exceptionally good at recognizing patterns. Note: For more on this, I recommend you read Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell. It’s required reading for all my students and it changed my perception of a lot of things. In fact, it made me re-develop my system for understanding attraction.

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WHAT TO SAY Now, your subconscious mind can’t communicate directly with your conscious mind, but it does communicate indirectly through a specific language. That language is emotion. When women see a guy, they assess him instantly and then have a feeling about him. They aren’t aware of that thought process because it’s subconscious, but that’s what always happens. This is a powerful process and it’s the one that women trust the most. It’s their “gut.” Most women will trust their gut over anything else. If a guy is creeping them out, they’ll think, “I’ve got a weird feeling about this guy.” That’s why they say, “This guy is sketchy,” rather than, “This guy won’t stop facing me with his body or leaning toward me and being sexual,” which is what “sketchy” means. They don’t know that, because they don’t have to. They just have an immediate, gut-level response to that behavior. When women first become aware of you, you want that gut-level response to be a good one. Because like it or not, you actually can judge a book by its cover (the book being you, of course). And women, especially very attractive women who have sexual options thrown at them every day, have developed a very finely-tuned filtering process for what books they read, and what books they don’t read. What this means is that, when a woman first sees you, her mind’s filtering process will file you into a category based on her immediate perception of your social value. Notice how I didn’t say “your looks” or “your money.” As men, this is great news for us. Why? Because indicators of high value don’t come from how you look, whether you’re tall or short, weak or strong, if you’re losing your hair (like me). Things like that, things you can’t change, don’t matter. What does matter are your body language and social behavior. The perception of your value (and attractiveness) depends on how you carry yourself, how you respond to people, and how they respond to you.

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WHAT TO SAY If you are a book, these things are your cover. They are immediately recognizable patterns to her subconscious mind, which has experienced hundreds of social situations in the past and stored all the details of them for future reference. A few examples of patterns you might line up with: “creepy guy staring at me,” “nice guy I could be friends with,” “shy guy with no friends,” “high-energy party guy,” “hot guy I’m curious about”… You do this too. Your subconscious naturally tries to file everyone into a folder. That’s how it deals with all the complex information it receives every second, by cutting away anything that doesn’t seem important. It’s ruthlessly efficient. It wants things to be insignificant, so it doesn’t have to spend energy worrying about them, and so it tries to neatly file people away. This is how you can look at somebody and assess everything important about them in an instant. And if they’re easy to assess, and you can put them in a folder quickly, you no longer have to pay attention to them. If you want to get good at attracting women, you have to learn to break people’s patterns. When you break someone’s pattern, you create a new folder in their mind. That, in turn, forces their subconscious to work harder, and communicate with the conscious mind, the end result of which is an emotional response to you. You want to be different, a little harder to put into a folder and forget about, because attraction is all about curiosity and attention. You have to make sure your first impression creates strong curiosity. And at the very least, if you are going to align with any of a woman’s pre-determined patterns, you want to make sure that pattern is “attractive guy” or “guy I want to know more about” or “guy who looks interesting.” You want to be acting the way she’s seen someone else act before, that someone being an attractive, confident guy.

Conveying Pre-selection One of the most powerfully attractive things you want women to perceive about you when they first see you is that you are pre-selected. This means that it’s obvious from your behavior that you have many female

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WHAT TO SAY options. Let’s talk for a second about how that actually works. Have you seen the video I did with the fish at the beginning? In that video I covered a concept that’s really powerful. It’s at the core of everything that we do in order to attract women, and it’s all related to guppies. In the animal kingdom, female guppies look to find males that are the brightest color orange, which is a sign they are the healthiest. The females want to seek out the greatest odds for their offspring to survive, so they try to find a healthy male to mate with. But, if two males are the same color, then a really strange phenomenon happens. A female guppy will choose to mate with the one male that all the other female guppies are mating with. They could both be equally healthy males, but if one started mating first and all the other females saw that, they will flock to him and leave the other one alone. This is really, really important. They do this because they can’t tell the difference in orange coloring, so their minds take a shortcut and choose to trust the judgment of all the other females. In our society, as men, we are all the same shade of orange. As a species, we no longer reproduce by the rule of “survival of the fittest.” We live in a world of social rules now, the main one being “survival of the socially fittest.” So if women can’t immediately tell how socially fit certain men are, they will subconsciously consider the best indicator they have, which is “what are the other women doing?” And if it appears that all the other women want you, the impression is that you are pre-selected. This creates attraction like nothing else you can imagine. The bottom line is, women are all looking for a man that acts like other women already want him. Everything that I’ve ever taught is built around this. Body language, eye contact, banter skills, it’s all geared towards conveying pre-selection. Your first impression on women should be that you have a waiting list of other women wanting to date you.

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WHAT TO SAY So how does this apply when you’re getting ready to go out? Because if you can adjust your energy level and emotions in the right way, when you walk into a venue you will automatically give off a vibe that conveys pre-selection, and gets you a woman’s radar as an attractive guy she is curious about. All before you even open your mouth. If you do this right, when you actually approach women and start talking, half the work will have already been done for you. That’s the power of a good first impression.

Assessing the Situation When I first figured this out, I realized that if I was able to lift my energy level to a point just above where everyone else in the venue was going to be, I’d interact with everyone really positively and get great responses. Everyone that I approached would be receptive and open. If my initial energy level was off, however, jumping right into interactions was really, really difficult. The difference, when you’re getting ready, is in accurately assessing the situation. There are three things you need to pay attention to when assessing the environment you’re about to get yourself into, and you’re going to rate them 1-10 (lowest to highest). The three things are: 1. The volume of the place you’re going to. If you don’t know the answer to this, you’re going to have to guess. I would say the number for a typical bar is around seven, which includes noise like talking, music, etc. The volume for a typical club is a nine. A coffee shop or a lounge is typically a four or five. Guys who don’t like bars or clubs are typically annoyed most by the volume and by the second factor: how crowded it is. 2. Crowd. This is the amount of people that are there. It also changes based on how big the venue is. This is going to

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WHAT TO SAY drastically affect how you approach getting ready, and how you behave once you’re there. 3. Lights. This doesn’t necessarily mean how bright or dim the lights are. It’s more of an indicator of how much visual stimulation is going on. If there’s a lot of flashing lasers and blinking lights on the dance floor, that would be a much higher number than a dim, candlelit lounge. Important to remember: when you’re in a low-lit environment, people think they can hide more, so everyone puts on another face and personality. You have to be comfortable with that and understand there are more barriers to conversation in that situation.

You want to rate all three of these factors and come up with an average. For example, let’s say one particular venue has a volume of eight, crowd of nine and lights of three (not very much visual stimulation). Your average is going to be a six or seven, roughly. An average near one, by the way, is going to be very, very low key. Ten is extremely, extremely stimulating, with stuff going on, all the time, everywhere; distractions all over the place. When you get the number for the place you’re going to, you’ll be able to match your energy level to the energy level of the venue, before you get there. If you don’t do this beforehand, you’re going to show up at a different energy level and either appear too eager and pumped up or look like a total downer who’s bored and chilled out. You don’t want either. For most people, the one thing that can easily change their energy and emotions is music. Music will typically get you into a specific mood, which is why we listen to it in the first place. Typically, there are three major types of venues you’ll go out to, so you will need three different playlists to get you in three specific kinds of moods. You need to create them before you go out and listen to them as you’re getting ready. This is really crucial. It may not seem like it’s that important, but it’s really, really important. If you’re skeptical, try this once and if it doesn’t work, then never do it again. It will work, though.

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WHAT TO SAY 1-2: CHILL Your “Chill” playlist is going to be for energy levels 1-2. This is music that’s comfortable, that you listen to when you’re at your house hanging out. You don’t want to get too pumped up. If you do, you’ll look freaked out when you get to the chill venue. People might start asking you for drugs… Funny story - when I first started going to bars a lot and trying to figure this stuff out, I had an association in my mind with being successful and being really energetic. I’d go out to places and be super pumped up, talking really fast. This changed when I went out one night and I was talking to a bunch of people, being really friendly. Then I walked into the bathroom and some guy followed me in to say “hey.” There was a guy talking to me in the bathroom. That’s not normal. Girls do that all the time, but guys do not talk in the bathroom. We don’t have conversations. Here’s how it went:



Guy: “So, can I get some coke?”



Me: “What? You mean Coca-Cola?”



Guy: “No, blow man, come on. Can I get some blow?”



Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have any. I’m not doing coke.”



Guy: “Yeah right, man. Just be cool and give me some.”

I realized something that night - if people think I’m so energetic that I’m on coke, I was probably doing something wrong. I wasn’t aware until then that I was being super high-energy in the wrong environments. I’m naturally extraverted; I gain energy the more I talk. So as more and more people were positively responding to me, I started to get more

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WHAT TO SAY energetic and talk faster and louder… to the point where people thought I was on drugs! I had to learn to calm myself down, and I did that by preparing properly before I went out.

3-7: HOT STUFF Most venues you’ll experience are going to fall between three and seven, and for that you’re going to get ready with your “Hot Stuff” playlist. This is typically an album or playlist that’s not super pumped up, but makes you feel powerful, happy, and confident… like you are the MAN. Mine is the album Sticky Fingers by the Rolling Stones (the first half, anyways). I listen to my Hot Stuff playlist if I’m going to a typical bar, in which case I want to stand out. When I listen to this sort of music, I’m more likely to smile and look at everyone on my way there; not so energetic that I’m trying to engage everybody, but enough to draw people to me and get used to how it feels to get attention. You need to warm up to that feeling because when you get to the bar, that’s what you’re going to be doing. You’re going to be looking at people and drawing them to you. I’ll tell you more about that later on.

8-10: HIGH ENERGY Your “High-Energy” playlist is full of stuff that just gets you pumped. I mean like, really excited. This isn’t necessarily music that you like. A lot of guys don’t like to listen to music that gets them super pumped up. But if you’re going to a high-energy place, you need to prepare accordingly, so use this as a tool. This is something I used to do all the time when I would go out to nightclubs with a group of my friends. We’d sit there and listen to a specific playlist for a specific place that we were going to. If we were drinking, we’d drink a little bit before we’d go. We had a specific ritual. If we were going to a really loud club, we’d listen to pumped up, bassheavy music the whole way. We’d be talking to everybody that we ran into on the way there, just having a great time. We got into a great mood because of that, which paid off massively once we were there.

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WHAT TO SAY Let me give you an example of what happens if you do this incorrectly. If you assess your situation wrong and listen to your hot stuff playlist before going to a super high energy place, you’re going to walk in expecting to get attention, to be looked at. But if you walk into a place that’s extremely high-energy, you’re going to blend right into the crowd no matter what you do. You could be in a Santa Claus outfit, and no one would notice you because there’s just so much going on. So if you come in expecting to have everyone pay attention to you, you’re going to be super let down. You’re going to feel rejected as soon as you walk in the door, and it’s going to show in your face. For a place like that, you need to be in that high-energy mindset right off the bat so you can immediately join the party. The high-energy mood will make you feel comfortable blending into the group instead of standing out. If you show up and you’re not integrating yourself right away, you can’t make anything happen, and you won’t be able to run the room, which I’ll talk about later. Once you properly integrate yourself into an environment, the right first impression has been made, and you can get to work attracting women.

Plausible Deniability So, once you’ve got the right music to get you in the zone, let’s talk about how to specifically get ready to meet women at bars, parties, or during the daytime.

Going to a Bar Guys who go to bars to meet girls… do not meet girls. We’re all doing that, of course, but in order to do it well, we need to distract our minds with plausible deniability. Getting ready to go to a bar is all about distracting yourself. In your mind, you know why you’re going there – to meet chicks. You’re not going there to drink or to hang out with your friends. You can drink with friends at your house for way less money and effort, and you know this. So if you’re like most guys, when you go to a bar, you’ll feel this looming anxiety about wanting to meet women. If you think about that

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WHAT TO SAY the whole way there, you’ll be investing so much energy and anxiety into meeting women that when you get there, you’ll be very outcomedependent. You’ll need to meet women, and that neediness will make you very unattractive. So you need to trick yourself. You need to give yourself some plausible deniability for being there. If it’s a bar that’s really chill, you can distract yourself in a way that’s more relaxed, meaning you’ll have a conversation with one or two people along the way, listen to music that’s relaxing, think about stuff that has nothing to do with the bar you’re going to, make phone calls to people you know, and have a relaxing, normal, chilled-out conversation. If you’re going to a bar in the three to seven range, then instead of calling someone and connecting in a relaxed way, you might want to call someone and be silly. Call one of your friends that always jokes and laughs, who you can just be a dude with. Talk to your friends on the way and get yourself laughing and joking, just having a good time. You want to distract yourself from the fact that you’re going to this bar to meet chicks. If you’re going to a high energy place, you’re going to be distracting yourself in a really high energy way. There will be lots and lots of action constantly around you, so you want to be ready for that. You’ll be looking at lots of different things. You’re obviously not sitting down doing a crossword puzzle, or watching TV. Instead, you’re out and about, talking to everybody you possibly can run into. You’re going, “Wooo!” You’re high-fiving people you don’t know. You’re getting your state boosted up. Plausible deniability means that no matter what the energy level is, you have to create a belief for yourself that you are going out to have a good time, and that’s the only reason you’re going out. Not even to talk to people. Just to have a good time. If you think any other reason than that, you’re going to get nervous. And when you get too nervous, you crash and burn.

Going to a Party The dynamic at parties is usually pretty different from bars. What you

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WHAT TO SAY want to do at a party is set yourself apart from everyone else and automatically integrate yourself as one of the hosts, if you’re not one already. The host of the party naturally has high value, and everyone wants to meet him. It’s easy to meet women because you have a very obvious reason to talk to everyone. Your beliefs are telling you that “this is my party so I should be talking to her.” But what if it’s not your party? Align yourself with the hosts. This is way better than showing up and starting from scratch as just another guest. The way you do this is to come bearing gifts. Always bring something to the party, even if it’s just a six-pack and there are 1,000 people. Give it to the host of the party and not anybody else: “Hey, I brought you some beer” (or whatever). This is crucial. It may seem kind of simple, but it’s really important. Next, offer to help if they need anything. They’re almost never going to say yes, but always offer. Even if they say, “I don’t need any help. Thank you very much,” you can say, “Okay, let me know if you do.” At that point, you are now on the host’s side. You can go around the party asking people, “Hey, are you having a good time? Awesome. Let me know if you need anything at all.” Talking to the host first allows you to do that, even though it’s not your party. This will give you all the plausible deniability you need to start talking to everyone there with little-to-no nervousness.

Daytime For meeting women during the day, if you’re going to a park, café, bookstore, or similar environment, you almost always want to bring something with you. You need some reason why you’re going. It can be a book, your computer, your dog, a Frisbee and a friend to throw it to, maybe a journal. Bring something to give yourself plausible deniability – a reason to go there other than meeting women. You don’t need to use it. It just needs to be there. Think about this - if you go to a coffee shop and you just sit with your cup of coffee not doing anything but looking around, you’re going to come off weird. Remember, you want to give the impression that you have a

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WHAT TO SAY lot of options, and if that’s the case, you would not be going to a café to talk to chicks. You would stay at home and drink your coffee there, with all of your chicks. Women know this, and they need to believe that about you in order to feel attraction in the first place.

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3. Walking In

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nce you’ve prepared properly, you’ll be able to walk into any venue in the right state of mind. This is crucial because what you do in the moment you’re walking in can make or break your evening. When you first walk in, everyone nearby will notice you and make their snap judgments of who you are. You will be making first impressions left and right, all of which hinge on how in-state you are in that moment. Everyone else’s reactions in the room will then be based on those first people’s reactions and create a domino effect that can either work for you or against you. If you first walk in and people don’t like you or have a weird feeling about you, they will start to react poorly to you. Everyone else sees them reacting poorly to you, and so they react poorly to you as well. Not only that, but when you start getting poor reactions, your emotional state starts to drop, which in-turn creates more poor reactions. It can be really obvious or really subtle, but people will pick up on how you are feeling and how people are reacting to you. If your feelings and reactions are off, it can create a chain reaction of negative impressions that will ruin the venue and the evening for you. However, if you walk in smiling and laughing, having a great time, and immediately get positive reactions from the people around you, this will register with the rest of the room and create that same domino effect in a very attractive way that works in your favor. This is so important that I am banging the keyboard as I am typing it. It’s the difference between having an easy, fun time meeting women and having to pull teeth to get even a small interaction going. And yet, nobody does this. Here’s what most guys do: they walk in, not smiling or talking to anyone, and walk in a single-file line directly to the bar. They stand facing the bar

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WHAT TO SAY and wait a long time for drinks, then they stand there in a circle, scanning their surroundings and building up the liquid courage to talk to women. Very commonly, they drink too much too fast, get drunk, and end up stumbling around and acting foolish. If they do end up approaching women, they usually come across as nervous and unattractive, or drunk and sloppy. Of course, the women in the bar have been subconsciously logging this the whole time. And the whole time they’ve just been standing there losing value. If you do this, consider yourself immediately filed away in the “average forgettable guy” folder. High-value, attractive, pre-selected guys don’t behave this way. When I walk into a bar and I want be noticed, and well-received, I do a series of things (that I’ve never taught before) that set me apart from every other guy.

Pumping Your State The first thing you want to do, right before you walk in the door, is called “pumping your state.” You’re going to rush endorphins through your system right before you walk in, which will naturally give you all the attractive body language you need to make a good first impression. The most important part of this is your smile. There have been a lot of studies done on smiling, and they all came to the same conclusion: Smiling at people makes them feel good. One study in particular found that when you smile at someone, the amount of endorphins released in their system is equivalent to the endorphins released if they were to walk down the street and find $25,000. That’s a pretty powerful effect. Other studies have found that smiling literally makes you more attractive. They did split studies where they would have a guy walk into a room without smiling and then walk into another room smiling. Eight times the amount of women were attracted to him when he smiled.

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WHAT TO SAY It’s important to note here that I’m talking about a genuine smile, not a fake one. There are several different ways to smile, and all of them are wrong except for one. There are lots of tiny muscles in our face that create involuntary micro-expressions. These are muscles that we can’t actually control and that are activated only when we feel a certain way. When you fake a smile – you try to smile when you don’t actually feel it emotionally – you can only engage a portion of these muscles. A real smile engages all of them, and other people can instantly read that on your face. A real smile is something you have to induce from the inside. The muscles and expressions involved are so complicated and involuntary that, instead of trying to control the actual smile, you have to control what makes you happy. So what I do, right before walking into a place, is to think of something that makes me laugh. If you walk into a bar and you’re smiling about something that really makes you laugh, you’ll get an 800% better reaction from people. You will be liked by eight times the amount of women that would normally like you. That effect will compound because other women will see them liking you and they’ll start to become attracted because you’ll be pre-selected. There is so much going on in this tiny little cross-section of the night, so much that can make your life eight times easier and that most guys overlook completely.

Exercise: 5 things that make you laugh Write down five things that make you laugh every time you think about them. It can be movie quotes, it can be characters, it can be someone that you know, something that you say, a joke. Funny TV shows and comedies are great for this. One of my friends likes to think about Peter Griffin’s laugh in Family Guy. Every time he thinks about that, he pictures Peter Griffin, and he starts laughing. I used to picture all my organs as cartoons, smiling and talking to each other, and that made me laugh. Like, “Hey, I’m the kidney.” I don’t know why that made me laugh, but it did. Dave Chappelle’s stuff always makes me laugh. The R-Kelly spoof, “Piss on You,” is especially funny.

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WHAT TO SAY You really only need one thing as long as it keeps making you laugh every time you think about it. What I typically do is either write it down on a piece of paper for my back pocket or write it on my arm (I have a lot of tattoos so it blends in). You can reference this while you’re out at a bar, and it will allow you to put a really genuine smile on your face and naturally attract more women whenever you read it. It’s really important that this genuinely makes you laugh. If you try to fake this, it won’t work. I mean, if you could fake it, then we would all be doing it just fine already. When you’re walking into a venue with a group of people, make sure you are constantly laughing and joking the whole time. Right before you get in, pull out a zinger that makes them laugh really hard. When everyone around you is smiling, you’ll get really, really positive responses from people. Badass tip: If you have an iPhone, use the location-based reminders so you can actually set the joke/line as a pop up notification for right when you arrive at the bar (I believe you need iOS 5 or greater).

Dominant Body Language So you’re walking in and genuinely smiling. The next thing you want to do is express dominant body language. If you’re smiling, typically you want to be looking up, laughing and being happy. A lot of guys, when they experience emotions, try to slouch, or become smaller, or look down to try and hide it. You don’t want to do that, especially if your emotion is happiness. You want to project that happiness out into the room. When you walk in, your shoulders should be back and down. Your head should be up, as if it were a helium balloon tied straight through your spine. Your chin should pretty much be parallel with the ground. It’s a little bit uncomfortable for a lot of guys to keep their chin up when they are looking around. You want to look at people when you walk in (we’ll talk more about this in the Eye Contact section). You want to make sure that your strides

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WHAT TO SAY are long and that you are not shuffling. When people shuffle their feet, typically they’re afraid they are going to fall down. And if you start widening your strides, you may very well fall down. I’ve fallen down, but it was worth it to learn how to walk in a dominant way. Badass tip: If you do fall down, make a joke about it. Point at the spot on the ground and say, “Have that removed.” That’s my banter line for any time I fall over. I guess it’s funny that I fall over enough to have a line for it, but anyway… Maintain dominant body language and good posture for at least ten minutes after you walk in. As you go through the night, dominant body language might become more difficult. Some guys don’t have the muscle capacity to really stand up straight, be as tall as possible, and keep their head up. They start to droop over because they get tired or stop paying attention. But, if you can do it the whole night, do it. It makes you more approachable, and women find that instantly attractive and interesting.

The Bar Walk After you walk in, you’re going to warm up the entire room by doing something I call the Bar Walk. It’s a simple list of things you will walk around doing that will allow you to keep your state up, raise your value and give off an incredibly attractive vibe to everyone around you. You can make up your own list or use mine. The point is to walk around doing things like: • Getting the bouncer’s name • Finding the bathroom • Finding the smoking area (if you don’t mind the smoke, go out and chat because smokers are always really open to conversation) • Finding an interesting drink on the menu • Going up to the bar to get a drink (or water). Even if you don’t

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WHAT TO SAY drink, you need something to hold onto at a bar. Plausible deniability, remember? • Finding one girl who’s a Sagittarius (when you start doing this, you’ll get hooked. Women love astrology.) • Sending a few text messages If you’re in a bar or club, the second you stop and don’t do something or talk to somebody, your value starts to drop. You become less attractive the longer you’re standing still and not interacting. Most guys don’t know this and end up standing around, drink in hand, committing social suicide. Instead of letting that happen, you need to have something to do. You don’t want to be running all over the place, but for the first 30 minutes after walking into a bar, you need to be actively warming yourself up and raising your value. This is the process I go through every time I go out to a bar. It takes about 15-30 minutes for me to do the whole thing; longer if it’s especially crowded. As you go through this process, you’re going to make sure you maintain dominant body language and a smile on your face. You should also say hello to everyone along the way.

The Fake Hello Here’s a cool trick that will raise your value and make it appear as if you know lots of people. As soon as you walk into a place that’s busy (if it’s not busy, don’t do this), do something that I call the “fake hello.” Stand up tall, look over the crowd and wave to a person that everyone will assume is in the back of the room. Then hold up your finger as if to say “one second” or “be right there,” and walk somewhere else. Immediately, the impression people get is: “this guy knows somebody here.” You’ll be getting everyone’s attention without trying, because it appears as though you’re looking past them. This is an example of misdirection, meaning that your attention is focused in one direction and your body is moving in another direction.

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WHAT TO SAY Misdirection is something I use all the time that most guys aren’t even aware of, and you can use it to approach somebody without having any of the pressure of wondering what to say or how to be smooth. One of my favorite ways to open conversations in a bar is to be talking to a friend of mine (or someone I had just met) and tap someone on the shoulder without even looking at them. When they turn around I’ll say “What do you think about this?” and I’ll just let my friend keep talking. Now we’re both listening to someone talk and just hanging out, no pressure. It’s a really easy way to talk to people, guys and girls. I’ll get more into that later.

The Drive-by This is where you walk by someone, throw out a compliment or a banter line, and then keep going. You’ll be going back to talk to them later, but the initial drive-by is a great way to warm them up and build familiarity. It’s also a great way to start getting out of your head and into a state of conversational flow. This is something I do a lot. For example, I’ll walk by a group of girls and say, “Hey, you’re awesome. I’ll be right back,” or “There you are. I don’t know you, but there you are. I’ll be right back.” By the way, that’s Austin Powers’ fantastic line: “There you are.” “Do I know you?” “No, you don’t. But there you are. Right there.” You’ll find that with every little positive interaction, you start to build positive social momentum and your state gradually goes up and up. Drive-by’s are great for this because they always go positively. You throw out something playful and then move on before it’s even possible to get a bad reaction. Externally, people around the room are warming up to you and wondering what to say when you come back and talk to them for real. Internally, you’re getting out of your head and into your body; into the moment.

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WHAT TO SAY Drive by’s are super fun and are a great way to work a room. We’ll talk more about working the room in chapter five.

During the Day One of the biggest fears guys have when they walk into places during the daytime is being noticed. Our biggest fear is for people to look at us. If you have that fear, you have to accept it and get over it, because guess what? Attractive guys get looked at all the time. In fact, anytime people are looking at you, everyone around assumes you’re an attractive guy because that’s the only time guys get that kind of attention. There is no easy way around this. When you start smiling a lot and displaying dominant body language, people will stare at you more, and you simply have to get comfortable with it. There are a few ways of getting people to look at you when you walk into a place during the daytime. Essentially, you want to come across as a loud, gregarious guy with a lot of positive energy, who’s talkative and engaging with anybody who interests him. Let’s say you’re walking into a café. Right before you walk in, you still want to think about something that will make you laugh (even during the daytime this is really powerful). When you first enter, take three steps in, stop, and look around (you’d never do this in a bar at night time, by the way). You want to get people to look up at you. People will instinctively look up and think “What’s going on? I need to be aware of this person.” Even if they’re not paying attention to you consciously, their peripheral will pick you up and they’ll automatically feel compelled to look at you. You will fill this interesting, empty space in the room, which is exactly what you want. As soon as you continue, you want to engage someone. The easiest people to engage are the staff – waiters, hosts, baristas, etc. It doesn’t really matter what you say as long as you talk to somebody, but you are going to say it about four times louder than you think you probably should. This is really uncomfortable for a lot of guys. When you speak at this volume, you convey dominance. You are going to draw people into

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WHAT TO SAY your world. After you initially speak up you can lower your volume, but be loud when you first walk in. During the day a lot of people try to lower their volume. They’re quieter, and they don’t want to be looked at because their biggest fear is that some guy is going to say, “Hey dude, stop yelling!” If you’re loud enough, if you’re clearly a dominant guy, then no one is going to dare to say that. A lot of guys choose submission over dominance because it’s easier. But consider that, in any given situation, if no one in the place is dominant, then another guy might step up and make himself the dominant one, and that guy might be an asshole who doesn’t have everyone’s best interest in mind. Don’t let that happen. Be the cool, fun, dominant guy whose lead everyone else follows. Always. After you walk in, continue doing what you were going to do. Order a drink, sit down, etc. What’s important is that you’ve walked in, looked around and spoken up, as if you are assessing what’s going on. You are the dominant, in-charge person who walks in and says, essentially: “Is everything okay in here? Let me see if I need to do anything to make this all okay.” Someone more submissive does not take the lead like this. They don’t think about controlling their environment, because they’re used to their environment controlling them. Speaking of controlling your environment, moving stuff around in a place is another great way to convey dominance. For example, feel free to pick up a chair and move it to another table where you want to sit. If you want to push two tables together to sit with someone, do it. You are the one in charge here. Once you’ve walked in like this, something very interesting will happen. All the single girls at the café, hoping that someone will come talk to them, will look at you. Make a mental note to talk to all those girls, because just like you, they are also sitting around in “plausible deniability mode,” hoping to be approached. Lots of women sitting in public, hanging out or reading, are thinking to

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WHAT TO SAY themselves, “Oh, I’m just here because I like being around people when I read.” That’s plausible deniability. On the surface they’re sitting there quietly reading, but on some level they’re hoping a charming guy will come up and talk to them. Every girl wants that spontaneous, chance meeting with a great guy. They want to be able to tell this story later: “Oh my God, I was reading a book at a coffee shop, and he just came over to me. We flirted and talked for an hour, it was amazing.” This is true of almost any daytime approach, and romance novelists and romantic comedy writers have known this for years. When you walk in and display dominance, most women who are open to meeting you will subtly give you attention. Approach those women, they really want you to! I’ll get into specific, direct ways to do that in the following chapters, but if you want to try this right away, a great way to approach is to ask for questions and opinions. This is a very good way to start a conversation if you feel you have nothing to say, during the daytime specifically. At nighttime, you typically don’t want to do this because it doesn’t seem as congruent to why you’re there, and incongruence might as well be a big stamp on your forehead that says “creep.” But if you’re at a café or bookstore, you might want to ask innocent questions to start a conversation. If she’s reading a book, ask her how it is, and start talking about books. If she’s working on something, ask about that. A common question in a bookstore is, “Have you read this? Should I waste my time with it or should I just watch the movie?” If you walk in and aren’t ready to talk to girls right away, a great way to warm up and pave the way for a smooth approach is by bantering and interacting positively with the staff – the baristas, waitresses, and/or other people behind the counter. The best way to do this is to interrupt their patterns.

Pattern Interrupts Earlier I went over patterns and talked about how we have subconscious, autopilot responses to things we frequently encounter. Consider this eloquent and meaningful exchange:

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WHAT TO SAY “How are you doing?” “Good. How are you?” That’s an autopilot response. When people are at work, especially if they have a job they don’t really like, their entire workday is an autopilot response pattern. It makes the day go by faster, and they can think about more interesting things in the background. What you want to do is break these autopilot patterns because it will get you a genuine, positive response. And remember, when you get a positive response, you will feel great, other people will take note, and you’ll create a positive chain reaction that works in your favor and makes you feel and act more attractive. Two easy pattern-interrupts to use with someone working: a directed question and a positive curse. There is an auto-pilot response to typical questions like “How are you doing?” But what about a question like “How are you doing today you sexy beast?” You wouldn’t expect a stranger to ask you that, and you would have to consciously think about your response. That’s an extreme example, but the point is to ask them something different than they’re used to being asked. Here’s a subtler example: “How are you doing today so far?” is different than “How are you doing today?” The added “so far” makes people actually think about it. With people at work, you want to do a couple of things that only friends do to each other and that people don’t do with baristas, waiters, etc. One of those is to ask how their shift is going so far because that’s a question you’d ask your friend. “How’s work so far?” “Ah, it sucks, blah blah blah.” The question “How’s work so far?” is a powerful pattern-interrupt because

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WHAT TO SAY customers don’t ask that, friends do. I’ve gotten free drinks and free food just by asking that one question. What you’re doing here is creating a comfort-building, “you-and-meagainst-the-world” mentality called an “us bubble” (more on that soon). This is important if it’s a woman you’re actually interested in because women at work typically don’t date customers. Breaking patterns and creating an “us bubble” is a great way to pull yourself out of the “customer” folder and into the “date-able guy” folder. Another great pattern-interrupt is what I call a “positive curse.” I might talk casually about other customers and say something like “that guy is kind of an asshole” (make sure there are no kids around when you do this). Cursing in a positive or funny way, not at but with the person who’s working, is another thing that a friend would do and a customer would not. It’s important that you go light with this and not cuss up a storm, but doing this at the right moment can really make a difference in how you are perceived. If they say, “How are you doing?” you might go, “You know what? I’m freaking great.” That’s it. It’ll register with them and they’ll think, “Whoa, that person just cursed. But it’s okay because they’re cool, and I can laugh.” One thing that confident, dominant guys understand and that submissive, weak guys don’t: you are allowed to curse. We’re all adults, it’s okay. You don’t have to be cordial and proper all the time, and you can say things that might break a few rules of “politeness.” You should be comfortable with creating a little bit of tension; it’s intriguing. Attractive guys are never afraid to break social norms and be a little edgy, so don’t be afraid to convey that side of your personality.

Weather One more thing to keep in mind when getting ready to go out during the daytime: weather is an important psychological factor. People in colder weather are sometimes less receptive to being approached because

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WHAT TO SAY they’re more bundled-up, and when we wear heavier clothes, we are subconsciously protecting ourselves from more than just the cold. Pick up a drink and put it in front of your chest. When you do this, it creates an instant feeling of comfort and safety. You’re protecting a part of your chest that is very vulnerable. When you put it down, you feel less comfortable, like you’re exposed. In the same way, when you’re bundled up with a lot of clothes, you feel safer. This is why some people wear jackets when they don’t need to: because they feel vulnerable, and wearing heavier gear gives them a feeling of comfort and safety. The reason why isn’t obvious. I mean, unless it’s a bulletproof vest it doesn’t actually make anyone safer. But people feel comforted by it psychologically. When you go out during the daytime and its cold, you’re going to be talking to people who have jackets on, and they won’t be as comfortable going into rapport or being approached because they feel as if they’re hiding behind a barrier. So, what do you do? You can cut through their defenses by doing the thing they don’t expect: interrupt their pattern by being direct. Imagine you walk up to a girl bundled up in the cold, and say “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. I’ve got to sit down and talk to you for a minute.” She knows that you can’t see her body very well, so you’re basing all this on her face, which is a lot more real to a woman as a compliment. No guy compliments her like that when he can’t see her body, and you’ll stand out immediately if you do that. Why? Because you broke her pattern. We only feel emotions for people who break our pattern, period. If you don’t break the pattern, you’re going to be forgotten. If you do break the pattern, you’ll create attraction, in this case by being bold and direct. We’ll be getting into how to do this in great detail moving forward.

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WHAT TO SAY

4. Eye Contact and Body Language

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o now you know what to do as soon as you walk in. Let’s talk about the next step in this process, which is maintaining eye contact. Most guys aren’t able to do this, or are even aware that it’s a form of communication. Have you ever heard that the eyes are the window to the soul? This is because we communicate a great deal of emotion through eye contact; emotion that is extremely accurate. It’s very difficult to fake. As I mentioned earlier, we have a lot of tiny muscles in our face that create micro-expressions. Most of these muscles are positioned around the eyes. When you’re thinking a thought and looking at somebody, you’re typically projecting that thought to them. My friend Paul Janka is an attraction coach. He’s a great guy, but he’s also one of the most intimidating guys in my industry. When people talk to him, they usually get nervous and scared. I’m a good foot-and-a-half shorter than him. He’s really powerful, and he’s got an internal frame, so he usually walks all over people and doesn’t really think about it. The way I control conversation with Paul is with extremely strong eye contact. If you ask him about me, he’ll probably tell you that I have a really powerful gaze. He’s confessed to being enthralled with my ability to look him in the eyes and not look away because most people get nervous and do look away. I’ve trained myself to be very good at this because I know how important it is to hold eye contact, especially when you’re nervous. I cannot tell you how many hot women used to lose attraction for me because I didn’t understand this one fact. Anytime I’m dealing with a beautiful woman

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WHAT TO SAY (or any powerful person) I will consistently make very, very strong eye contact. If I don’t, I’ll get treaded on almost instantly. This is because eye contact is the second most powerful indicator of dominance (the most powerful being body language, as we just discussed). This dominance is expressed in how you hold eye contact, with whom you hold eye contact, where you look afterwards, and whether or not you can express emotion while you’re doing it. Dominance is universally attractive to women. It’s important to note here that I am not talking about being domineering. Being dominant is about internal power, being domineering is about external control. You want to keep this in mind because most guys think that dominance is about controlling things around them. That’s incorrect. Dominance is about controlling yourself. The same differentiation can be made between being submissive and being subservient. Subservience is about being controlled externally, while submission, an attractive female trait, is about allowing oneself to lose control internally.

Exercise: Express Something Uncomfortable While Holding Eye Contact Here’s an exercise that will get you used to the feeling of maintaining eye contact through discomfort: think of something you’re really into that you would normally keep secret, and tell it to someone without breaking eye contact. Think of something that you wouldn’t want to tell anybody, but that won’t hurt anyone if you do talk about it. For example, here’s something I never tell anybody: I read a comic book every week, the same comic book, and I wait for it to come out. I’ll sit there and wait for it when it shows up and then immediately read it until I’m done. It’s a Japanese comic book called Naruto. I read it every single week. I never tell anybody that because it’s totally geeky. I’ll be sitting there reading a comic book thinking, “I’m nerding out.”

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WHAT TO SAY Think of something like that, something that embarrasses you a little bit, and write it down. Then stand about five feet apart from someone, look at each other directly in the eyes, and say the thing you just wrote down. Do not break eye contact. This is something you have to be able to do all the time. When you walk into a place and you feel nervous, you don’t know who’s going to be there or how the night is going to go. So, you automatically look away and don’t make eye contact with anybody. You have to get used to plowing through that nervousness and projecting confidence anyways. You have to be transparent almost all the time because most people can see through you anyway. Women, especially, have an uncanny knack for reading your mind.

Eye Accessing Cues When you look in different directions, you access different parts of your brain. I talk a lot about eye accessing cues in The Tao of Badass, so I’ll just give a brief overview here. Typically, looking to the left accesses the creative brain. Looking to the right accesses recall (memory). Looking up accesses the visual brain. Looking down accesses the emotional brain. I’ve found through experience that a majority of people’s eye accessing cues follow these rules. However, a certain percentage of people display the opposite with regards to right and left, so it’s important that you test them before jumping to conclusions. The way to test someone is to ask several questions that he or she would have no reason whatsoever to lie about. Like, “Where did you grow up?” or “What color was your first car?” If they consistently look in one direction, that’s probably the direction they use for recall. Another important thing to note is that you need to learn these directions in reverse. When someone looks at you, their right is your left, and vice-versa. The up and down directions you can pretty much take to the bank. I have hardly ever found them to be inaccurate. It’s important to notice

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WHAT TO SAY when someone is looking down, because more often than not it means they are experiencing a strong emotion. You’ll see people do it when they get nervous. They’ll do it when they’re afraid they’re going to get attacked. They’ll do it when they’re thinking of something that they have an emotional association with. They’ll do it when they feel pressure. They may also do it when they’re extremely happy or excited.

The Mind-Body Connection If you lead the body, the mind will follow. This is key to understanding body language and eye contact. If you can control someone’s body and/ or eye accessing cues (or your own), their mental association with those body and eye movements will change the way they think and feel. If you’re sitting down right now, sit up straight in your chair. The response you have when you do this is attention; you become more awake all of a sudden. Your body actually releases a little bit of adrenaline to keep you alert, similar to drinking coffee. This is because you’re leading the body, and the mind is following. Conversely, if you lead the mind, the body will follow. If something makes you feel comfortable, your body will automatically relax into a comfortable position. If something makes you feel uncomfortable or submissive, you’ll show submissive body language traits like shrugging your shoulders, making yourself smaller, maybe looking down or dropping your head. When you lose control of your body, you have to control your mind. And when you lose control of your mind, you have to control your body. This is extremely powerful because anytime you get nervous, scared, or weirded out, you can actually make yourself feel better by controlling the way you move your body. Another example of this is the different directions you look for your eye accessing cues. Imagine for a moment you’re having a really hard time with something. Maybe you just got out of a really intense relationship, and you’re really torn up about it. My advice would be to look up. Not

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WHAT TO SAY figuratively as in, “Keep your chin up and be a man,” but quite literally, as in do not look down. Just look up. Remember that looking down accesses your emotional brain. Looking up accesses your visual brain, and by the same logic, it cuts off the emotional part. If you want to keep yourself from being emotional, look up. Try it the next time you’re feeling very sad or otherwise emotional; it will detach you from those sad feelings. Strange but true fact: People who work a lot with their laptops in their lap have a lot more emotional responses to their work and to their computer. This is because they are looking down as they type. So, if you’re going to be sitting down working on your laptop, don’t put it on your lap. Unless you want to start crying over your excel spreadsheets… Controlling your own eye accessing cues is crucial. Reading them in other people is useful as well, but controlling your own is what we’re going to talk about for now. When you make eye contact with someone and then look down, you are accessing the emotional part of your brain. Most people look down because they feel uncomfortable emotions from the eye contact and they want to hide that. Do not do this! When you look at someone and then look down, it’s an automatic sign of submission. You have to train yourself to hold eye contact through fear and nervousness until it becomes second nature. Badass tip: When you’re talking to a woman, if you really want a headstart over a lot of other guys, even ones who are making solid eye contact, make sure that you look in her left eye (which will be on your right). If you look into her left eye, you’re communicating more with her creative brain. Most barriers don’t live in the creative brain; they live in the logical side. You can actually bypass certain mental barriers by looking in certain eyes, and I typically focus on the left because that’s the creative, more open side of the brain. Keep that in mind. A lot of guys have a hard time making eye contact specifically because they can’t decide which eye to look at when they’re talking to someone. They’ll switch back and forth, which isn’t as powerful. Maintaining strong eye contact is easier when you focus on just one eye, and if you have to choose a side, you might as well choose the left because it will make things easier for you.

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WHAT TO SAY If you are going to switch between a woman’s right and left eyes, do it deliberately because that is actually the beginning of a process called triangulation. Triangulation is when you look at her left eye, then right eye, then her mouth, and continue going back and forth between all three, forming a triangle. Pay very close attention to this. If you do this at the right time, you can induce it in a woman you are talking to, and when a woman starts doing this it universally means one thing: she wants to be kissed.

Facial Expression Expressing emotion through your eyes also requires a lot of control over your face. Aside from your smile, which we’ve already talked about, your eyebrows are a very large part of this. Whenever you open your mouth and you’re actually saying something, your words are going to have congruent facial expressions, and most of that comes from your eyes and eyebrows. For example, if you raise one eyebrow, people understand that as skepticism. They will take that as you saying “I’m not sure if I agree with you.” If both eyebrows are up, it means, “I want more of this” (whatever “this” is). When someone’s insulting me, do you know what I do? I look directly at them with raised eyebrows. This is because it’s more intimidating to welcome a threat than it is to hide from one. Whenever I do this, people stop trying to hurt or insult me. It’s actually a Kung Fu technique. The most intimidating stance is the most open stance, in which you can get hit the easiest, because if you’re really going to stand there and invite attack, then you must know what you’re doing. This is also why open and relaxed body language conveys confidence and dominance. People intrinsically know that if someone is open to attack, and even seems to be welcoming it, they must be a total badass. Conversely, if both eyebrows are down (furrowed), you’re blocking yourself, protecting your eyes. You could do that for several reasons. Maybe you’re confused, or you don’t like whatever you’re seeing. Or you could be unsure of something, trying to make a decision.

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WHAT TO SAY If you raise just one eyebrow, you could be conveying amusement or skepticism. If you don’t know how to do that, by the way, here’s how I learned: hold one of your eyebrows still and then move your other eyebrow up and down. Keep doing that for a while (maybe every time you get on the toilet or some other routine task). Then eventually, start to let go and see if you can move just one eyebrow. If you’ve practiced enough, your brain will create a new neural pathway to move your one eyebrow by itself. It’s called acute muscle awareness, and if you can do it on your face, you can learn to express emotion on a level that most guys will never reach.

How to Use Eye Contact When you walk into, let’s say, a bar environment for the first time, and you’re smiling and pumping your state and beginning the bar walk to start meeting people, you need to be making strong eye contact with everyone who crosses your path. If you are getting people’s attention when you walk in, especially in the way we talked about earlier, then you’re going to have a great ability in that moment to project emotion through your eye contact. However, if you constantly look away from people while you’re walking around, you’ll project a ton of insecurity and completely ruin the attractive effect you just created. At nighttime, most guys go into a bar to meet chicks. When they walk into a bar, the first thing they do is get drinks and then start looking around for girls. You do not want to do this. You don’t want to be looking for anyone specifically. In fact, the only things you are going to be looking for are eyes. Eyes are the only things that should exist to you when you first walk in. Don’t look anywhere else. If no one is looking at you, look at the place where their eyes would be; their heads and faces only. This is all you’ll be doing for at least ten minutes. This is harder than you think, so you’ll need to consciously practice this until it becomes second nature. I used to imagine that all people were

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WHAT TO SAY just floating eyes, and that’s all I’d look at when I walked in. For my students who have difficulty with this, I used to take them to strip clubs, put them in front of the stage, give them 50 ones, and tell the dancer: “If he looks anywhere but your eyes, tell me.” The guys would have a naked woman with a perfect body dancing right in front of them, and all they could look at were her eyes. A lot of guys at bars will get extremely distracted, especially by women who are looking really sexy. They get distracted by the constant display of T&A, and they start to look around and get completely overrun in their minds with sexual tension. When that happens, they usually can’t hold eye contact for very long, and they end up turning all those women off and being perceived as creeps and perverts. You don’t want to be one of those guys, so make sure that when you first get there, all you see are eyes. As you’re doing the bar walk, moving through the environment making warm eye contact with everyone you see, it won’t be long before someone holds your eye contact, at which point you need to start talking. If you just walk around staring at people, you’ll come across as nervous or as a creep, so the rule is: if you make eye contact for more than two seconds, you have to say something. This is crucial in an environment like a bar. During the daytime it’s not the case, and we’ll go over that in a second. But at nighttime it’s a must because if you make eye contact with somebody and you don’t talk after two seconds, you’re going to come across as creepy. If you make eye contact for a couple seconds, especially if they smile or you smile, you have to walk over. You have to be comfortable with this. If you look at a girl and she looks away, when she looks back and you’re still looking at her, you come across as a stalker or a wuss. So whenever that happens, you must say something.

The Drive-By As I mentioned before, one of the most fun, easy, low-pressure ways to do that is with a drive-by. This is when you throw out a banter line as

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WHAT TO SAY you walk by someone. For example, if I’m doing the Bar Walk, I might walk by a cute girl, smile, and say, “Hey, there you are. I’ll be right back.” And then just keep walking. Then I’ll pass another girl and say “Hey, you’re cute. I’m going to talk to you in a minute,” or “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.” I can warm up the entire room this way, by doing quick, flirty drive-bys. Think of any sort of quick one-liner that you can say, while holding eye contact, and then leave. If you do this for ten minutes after you first walk in, by the time you come back around and actually talk to people, you’ve already warmed up 50% of the room. They’re already comfortable with you. They’ve already seen you smiling, laughing, and making solid eye contact. You said something to them and then you left, it was very fun and low-pressure, and they’ve had time to think about this attractive, charming guy that everyone is smiling at and wonder who he is. You’ve now created a pretty good environment for meeting people.

Exercise – Hold Eye Contact With Everyone You See Here’s a great exercise I challenge you to do. Over the next week as you’re out and about, just walking past people on the sidewalk, hold and lock eye contact for as long as you possibly can. Don’t be the one who looks away first. For example, lock eye contact when a person is 10-15 feet away. Lock it and hold it the whole time you’re walking past each other. As you get closer, you’ll feel a bit of nervousness coming on, and it will cause you to do a few things, such as: smile, laugh, look down, look away, fumble with something, look on the ground, etc. I do not want you to do any of that stuff. Nothing. Just look at them in the eyes. If they’re looking down or otherwise not looking at you, then look at where their eyes are. If you hold eye contact with a girl, I want you to keep looking at her and stop. That’s it. Stop until one of you says something or until she keeps going. This is really difficult for a lot of guys to do because the pressure of having someone look at you and not say anything is enormous. A guy who can sit in that empty space, in that void, and handle the pressure is extremely dominant and attractive. And by the way, if she’s cute, smile and say something! More on that coming up…

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WHAT TO SAY

5. Running the Room

Y

ou may have noticed that we haven’t actually gotten to the “what to say to women” part of this book yet. Don’t worry, we’ll get there. But remember, “what to say” is only 20% verbal. The rest is communicated through your body language, eye contact, and the appearance of being pre-selected, all of which come across the best during the walking-in and warming-up process. Do this right, and by the time you actually start talking to that hottie across the room, she’ll get butterflies in her stomach because the coolest guy in the bar just came up to her. A large part of being charming with women is in the ability to remove all mental blocks that make you shy or nervous, and fully unleash your real personality. When you’re talking to someone from that state of mind, your authenticity is palpable and very, very attractive. Now, in which situation do you think you would have an easier time being your relaxed and charismatic self: a room in which you know everyone, or a room in which you know no one? The first one, right? Most guys understand this basic concept, but they don’t put it to work for them. Instead, they walk into a bar only talking to each other, and immediately start scoping the room out for chicks, sometimes subtly, sometimes not. Most guys overlook this entire warm-up process. Then again, most guys aren’t that amazing with women. If you’ve been following along so far, you’ll be able to go out at night and walk into a bar or club, smiling, making solid eye contact, and appearing very attractive. Most guys, in this state, will point out the four hottest girls in the bar and go try to talk to them. If that works well for you, great. You can do that immediately if you want to; you don’t have to continue warming up. But sometimes, just pumping your state and walking in smiling isn’t enough to truly warm you up to the point where

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WHAT TO SAY you can talk with anyone. If, at that point, you still feel a little cold, like you’re not quite ready to just go straight up to the women you’re most attracted to, then use the warm-up system that I’m going to give you in this chapter. When I teach live programs, I find that I’m only truly comfortable in front of a group under one circumstance: that I’ve said hello to everyone ahead of time. I always try to introduce myself to everyone before I teach, even if I don’t remember everyone’s name. For really big programs, I used to have to spend 30-40 minutes before the class started, going around and talking to everybody in the entire the room before I’d feel comfortable enough to step on the stage and talk. There’s a reason for that: warming up makes the actual work that much easier. Your ability to be social is like a muscle. If you go into a gym and you don’t warm up before you start working out, you can seriously injure yourself. If you go into a bar and you don’t warm up before you start flirting with hot women, you can seriously injure your ego. I use this warm-up process about 90% of the time when I go out. If I really want to run the room or interact with as many people as possible and have a really good time, I will always warm up. This is going to be straightforward and crude, but it’s very, very effective.

The Social Ambassador One benefit of warming up is that it creates pockets of friends around the venue. As you do the bar walk, everyone you look at and make eye contact with is getting a sense of familiarity with you. If you do that everywhere, you create pockets of familiar people throughout the bar. As you continue moving around, you can actually connect these pockets and create bigger sections of familiar people, until eventually the entire bar knows who you are. This is called “running the room,” and if you do it right, you can get an entire bar full of people looking at you, talking to you, and coming to you like you are the social ambassador of the place.

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WHAT TO SAY A faster and more devious way to do this is called “mayor walking.” This is where you walk through a large group of people like a proverbial politician, “shaking hands and kissing babies.” You don’t really have time to talk to anybody. You just walk through as if you are their host and shake hands, saying “Hey, how are you doing?”, “How’s it going?”, “Hey, good to see you,” Hey, all right!” You don’t even have to talk to anybody at all. Just shake hands with everybody and keep moving. Afterwards, everyone will wonder who you are, and since you just walked through in a way that only politicians and club owners do, most of them will infer that you must be somebody important. Why is running the room like this so important? Why am I telling you to take all this time and energy to meet everyone, when all you really care about are the hot girls? Think about it like this: imagine being in a room with 50 of your closest friends and one girl you don’t know, and that one girl rejects you. How bad would you feel? Probably not that bad because she’s just some random outsider and you are the life of the party. Now imagine being in a room with 50 strangers and having one girl reject you. How would that feel different? You would probably feel much more hurt by the same thing happening because you’d be socially isolated. Before you start talking to the girls you really want to talk to, befriend as many people as you can so that later, you are socially resilient to rejection and stress. The difference this makes in how you feel is astronomical.

The Nighttime Warm-up Process If you think you don’t need to do this in order to actually continue and not be affected by any possible rejection, then you don’t have to do it. But if you think it would help you then, hell, do it. Because it’s really, really easy. You’re going to start out by talking to three different kinds of people: dudes, girls you’re not attracted to, and staff. This is your warm up process. The end goal is to treat everyone the same, regardless of

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WHAT TO SAY whether they’re girls you are attracted to or not. And I mean everyone. Usually this process is what gets me VIP treatment in places because I’ll treat the guys who are carrying dishes or the guys who are holding the door for me exactly like how I treat the guy who owns the place. This is called giving value, and it’s really powerful. I go over it in great detail in The Tao of Badass, but I’ll also go over it here because it’s really important when you’re talking to guys.

Talking to Guys A lot of guys actually don’t know how to talk to each other in a bar. They look at every guy as if he’s competition. But even at the end of a very successful night out, you will probably only be going home with one girl (maybe a few when you get really good). You’re not going to try to get every single girl in the bar attracted to you, because you don’t need to. What you do need is to get other guys on your side, so that when you need them, they are there. You’re going to be creating a bar full of wingmen that, instead of standing in your way, will help you out down the road. There are a few ways you can do this. One way is with a drive by compliment while you’re doing the Bar Walk. This would be something like “That’s an awesome shirt. I’m going to get that. Where did you get that? Awesome. Bye.” That’s it. You don’t want to talk for more than a few minutes to each guy. Your goal is to maybe get five or six guys in completely different social groups to feel like you’ve given them value. A compliment is extremely valuable. When you compliment someone, you induce the same emotions that you do when you smile at someone; that same “I just found $25,000” rush of endorphins. Considering that most guys have no idea how to make themselves happy, when you compliment them you become the source of their happiness, meaning that you need to be around for them to feel happy. So if you come back, they’re going to be psyched, like, “Hey, it’s you again! We’re going to buy you a drink.” Trust me, that’s almost always what happens. Note: Some guys are insecure and will think that you are insulting them.

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WHAT TO SAY If you can, you want to find guys who don’t look very insecure. In fact, you really don’t want those guys to be friends with you in the beginning anyway because they don’t have a lot of social pull. Even if you do win them over, they’re like a social dead weight you’ll have to carry around. Instead you want to find other leaders, guys who look pretty confident, and compliment them. Typically, those are high value guys and they’ll happily give you value back. On the scale of value dynamics, guys like that are “tens.” Being a ten essentially means that you only get value by giving value. Let’s go through the rest of the scale so you can get a better handle on how to talk to different types of guys.

Value Dynamics This concept changed my life. It’s a great model for social interaction (and also business management). I’m going to go over a scale with four different types of value or confidence levels (there are actually five if you consider someone who steals value - people who manipulate specifically to get an outcome that only best serves them – but those people are typically low-lifes, and I’m not going to address them). Six – supplicative value. To supplicate means to beg. Sixes are people who trade their value for acceptance, meaning “Let me buy you a drink” and then buying you a drink with the intention that you will like them for it. That’s supplication. Seven – combative value. Sevens will typically fight someone to drop that person’s value down because they don’t believe they can bring their own value up anymore. We all know these guys; watch Jersey Shore if you don’t. Women don’t actually mind sevens because at least they’re not sixes. Most guys that hot women meet are usually supplicative, so when they see guys who are combative, it’s actually refreshing. These are guys who think, “Oh, I wasn’t doing very well being nice, so I started being a dickhead and it started working.” That’s one way to do it, I guess,

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WHAT TO SAY but you don’t want to go that route. There are much better ways to get women than being a dickhead. Eight – competitive value. Eights only feel valuable or attractive if they can prove they are the best amongst their friends or in a conversation. These are the one-uppers. If you caught a fish, they caught a bigger one. If you took a crap, they took a bigger one. If you hooked up with a girl, they hooked up with a hotter one. These guys need attention and validation, and they need to feel like they’ve “won” at the value game. Nines and Tens – cooperative value. A ten is someone who gives value in order to receive. They feel they have an unlimited source of value, so they give it out to everybody, and everybody gives it back at the same time. Tens are leaders, and they’re easy to spot because they make everyone around them feel great. They become leaders because people who are not Tens cannot create value for themselves, so they follow the person who provides it for them. But what about Nines? Why are they on the same value level as Tens? It depends who you are talking about. If you are talking about other people, you’re talking about Tens. With regards to yourself, however, always consider yourself a Nine. If you consider yourself a Ten, you will stop working at giving value because you’ll think you have all you need, and you will typically slide back down the scale. The scale is elastic, by the way. You can move up or down in value depending on how you feel and behave. You’re going to be focusing on cooperative dynamics when you talk to other guys. You want to be a Ten, and to get a lot of other Tens on your side. These are guys who believe they’re hot stuff and who are constantly giving other people value. You’ll know that you’re running into a Ten because you’ll compliment them and then they’ll compliment you back, and then you’ll compliment them again and they’ll compliment you back again. It will become annoying and keep going forever, like: “You’re awesome.” “No. You’re awesome.” However, you are always going to run into all four different kinds of guys, so here’s how you compliment them all:

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WHAT TO SAY Sixes – They want acceptance, so all you have to do is accept them. That’s easy. “Hey, you’re cool.” Done. Sevens – They want respect. You have to give them a compliment that conveys respect, such as: “You know what? A lot of guys are afraid to speak their mind, but you do. That’s awesome. I respect that.” Eights – They are competitive, and they want to win. They want to be the best. But the hard part is that you can’t play their game with them. If they beat you, you are a loser in their eyes, and they won’t respect you. But if you beat them, they become angry and shift back down to combative dynamics. They become very difficult Sevens. What you have to do is give them a compliment outside the boundaries of whatever game they want you to play that still allows them to feel like they’ve won value. Tell them they’ve done a lot with their lives, and let them know you’re impressed, as in “Wow dude, I’ve got to go out with you sometime, you clearly know how to party.” It can feel kind of like “value jujitsu” with Eights, but as soon as you win them over and they begin to follow you, they go up in value and become Tens. And that’s exactly what you want, a bunch of Tens following you around. Tens – These are the most fun. You can say anything you want to a person with cooperative dynamics and they’ll try to get you back in a way that’s bigger than what you gave them. Remember, this is a sliding scale. If you piss someone off, they typically slide downwards. If you aggravate a Ten too much, he’ll turn competitive. If you beat a competitive guy at his own game, he’ll become a combative dickhead. If you make a combative guy feel unworthy of respect, he’ll turn into a supplicative baby. Under too much stress, you drop down a number. Sometimes you can drop down several. Keep that in mind.

Talking to Unattractive Girls Once you’ve met some cool guys and created value-giving wingmen out of them, you’re going to talk to women you are not attracted to. This is because almost every guy has an easy time flirting and creating

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WHAT TO SAY attraction with girls he doesn’t feel nervous around, but changes his behavior big time when a hot girl comes around. You do not ever want to do this. Look at it this way. If you’re playing poker and the pot gets huge, and there are tens of thousands of dollars riding on one hand, what’s the worst thing you can do? Show your cards. You would never do that. You don’t think, “I really want that money so I should show my cards right now.” No one thinks that. The basic rules of the game don’t change when the stakes get raised. But when it comes to talking to hot women, we do this. When we’re really intimidated by a woman, we immediately show our hand by acting nervous, supplicating, or confessing how attracted we are. Or we fold by giving up and ejecting before we have to risk losing anything. You do not want to do that. Instead, you want to banter, flirt, and build attraction the same way you would if you weren’t intimidated by her, which you probably have a very easy time doing with girls you don’t find that attractive. So, talking to those girls is the next step in the warm-up process, and you’re doing this so that later on you can confidently go all-in on that $50,000 hand of poker.

Talking to Staff Next you’re going to be talking to the staff – the bouncers, bartenders, etc. Remember that they will be operating in “work-mode,” so to get any sort of real reaction from them you’ll have to break that pattern. And if you can do that, that’s good enough. Keep in mind that for guys who feel very low value while they’re working, like busboys or floor sweepers, any compliment at all is a pattern interrupt. If you give them some kind of value, as in “Hey, let me know if you need any help,” that’s huge. I like telling bouncers, “Hey, if there’s any fights, call me. Let me know. I’ve got your back.” I’m tiny, so that’s funny. It might not work if you’re bigger, but you get the point. It’s a silly pattern interrupt. When you’re talking to staff, you want to make sure that you snap them out of work mode. That’s how you can compliment them and give them

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WHAT TO SAY value. I don’t care what they’re doing, they probably don’t like it very much, so it’s very easy for you to break their pattern and come across as a Ten. Keep in mind that as you’re warming up, you can’t get rejected by any of these people. You can’t get rejected by guys, and you can’t get rejected by girls you are not attracted to. Their reactions to you don’t feel like they matter. With staff, it’s the same thing. That’s why you’re warming up with them, because you don’t really care about the outcome of those interactions. All of this is slowly training you to be outcome-independent, which is huge once you finally start talking to girls you really want, because with those girls it will be really hard for you to have no outcome in mind.

Warming Up With Attractive Girls Once you’ve talked to everyone else, you want to start warming yourself up with attractive women. Every guy, in his mind, puts women on his own sliding scale of attractiveness, so if you want, start talking to women at the low end of this scale. These are women you find attractive but not intimidating. Start there and work your way up. Every guy has his own idea on what’s the most intimidating to him specifically, so take some time to think about what this means for you and map it out. You can go by hair color, height, body type, etc.; whichever factors you are most intimidated by. Let’s say you are most intimidated by taller blond women. So, you don’t want to approach tall blondes right away. You want to approach other attractive girls first, because if you jump the gun and feel too intimidated, you’re probably going to screw it up. The end goal of the warm-up process is to get you into a mindset where you’re looking at everyone in exactly the same way. That’s it. You’re not trying to go anywhere specific with these interactions. You’re not trying to push for an outcome. You’re just going to drive-by, compliment, have a brief interaction, and then leave. Spend no longer than two minutes with each one of these people as you go through this process. This is in conjunction with your bar walk. You may go through this for

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WHAT TO SAY 10 minutes, or 30, depending on the size of the crowd and how much you feel you need. In my experience, 30 minutes will get you in a really good place socially. You will be feeling great, be getting great reactions, and feel totally comfortable opening conversations.

Nighttime Warm-up Checklist (do this in conjunction with the Bar Walk) Spend the first 15 minutes talking to guys: • Cheers five guys • Compliment five guys • High-five five guys Spend the next 15 minutes talking to girls you are not attracted to: • Cheers five girls • Compliment five girls • High-five five girls

The Daytime Warm-up Process During the daytime you’ll be doing something similar to warm up your social muscle. The difference is, during the daytime people are out and about, usually in a pattern that is taking them somewhere like work, lunch, shopping, an errand, etc. If you see a beautiful woman walking down the street, her mind is probably on work, or the gym, listening to music, on the phone, or whatever, and before you can even talk to her, you’ll need to be able to actually stop her and get her attention (which we’ll get into soon). Stopping a woman and then carrying a conversation is the most difficult part of meeting women during the daytime. To warm up during the day, you need to first get comfortable with stopping people. You’re going to get people to stop, ask them a question, and then let them go. That’s all you’ve got to do. You’re going to start with guys by stopping them and asking them for the time. It doesn’t actually matter what you ask them, the point is that you stop them, get

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WHAT TO SAY their attention, and then begin talking. Then you’re going to ask how to get to some place. It doesn’t really matter where, but make sure they don’t see you asking another guy for the same directions, or they’ll feel insulted. You could also ask for directions – “Do you know of a good coffee shop around here?” Then walk in that direction, ask someone else, and continue to walk and warm yourself up. If you do each of these things ten times, you will feel completely warmed up and ready to go. You probably won’t even need to do the next part, although I highly recommend it, but after asking ten guys for the time, ten guys for directions, and ten guys for a coffee shop recommendation, do the same thing with ten women. It can be women you’re attracted to or not; it won’t really matter. By the end of this warm up process, you will have absolutely no fear of approaching anybody for the rest of the day.

Daytime Warm-up Checklist Start by stopping ten guys: • Ask for the time • Ask for directions somewhere • Ask where the nearest coffee shop is Then stop ten girls: • Ask for the time • Ask for directions somewhere • Ask where the nearest coffee shop is

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6. Meeting Women at Night, One Girl

O

kay, so let’s talk about meeting women. I don’t know a whole lot about this, but once you’re warmed up, you’ll be in a good place to figure it out. Good luck!

I kid, I kid… Seriously, let’s dive into this. When I first started teaching this, I encountered a big problem. Most people in my industry, even guys who are really, really good with women, only teach one specific way of doing everything because that’s what works for them. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I’m not that kind of teacher. I’m a severe “options” person. I like to have lots and lots of options and different ways of doing things. So when it comes to meeting women, I know I can’t teach just one blanket approach. If you’ve read or watched a lot of other dating advice products you may have encountered a common problem. You’ll encounter several different techniques for meeting and attracting women that all work and yet all contradict each other at the same time. If one guy says his way is right, and another guy says his way is right, whose way do you go with? The answer is both. You have to understand in which scenarios you should use which techniques. If you use one blanket approach, it will work about 5% of the time. That’s not very good odds. Instead, you want to get that up to around 80% or 90% using specific techniques, which I’m going to teach you in the next few chapters.

What Every Approach Needs to Have We’re going to go over lots of different scenarios for approaching women, but each of them will have these things in common:

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WHAT TO SAY • A pattern interrupt • A way to relieve objections • A way to create attraction

When you approach a woman, or a group, you’ll always need to begin by getting their attention. Something about you has got to stand out. It can be anything, and it’s completely situational, but you will succeed in getting someone’s attention if they are expecting one thing, and you do something different. Anything that does this, as I keep coming back to, is a pattern interrupt. If you ask me, “How do you get a girl’s attention?” I would answer, “What is she doing and where is she?” Because you don’t get a girl’s attention at a bar by walking up to her and going, “You’re really pretty.” But you can get a girl’s attention during the daytime, sitting reading a book at a park, by saying that. The girl at the bar would be expecting some sort of pickup line, and your compliment would sound cheesy and lame. During the day, that same girl would perk right up because she wasn’t expecting that at all. At any rate, the pattern interrupt, the thing that snaps them out of their waking sleep, is what you want to do first. All the things I teach you are going to be built around pattern interrupts. Once you have a woman’s attention, you want to relieve any objections or fears she might have about what’s going to happen next. A woman could have a fear that she’s going to look like a slut for talking to some random guy she doesn’t know. She could have a fear that you’re going to stay there forever and never leave. She could have a fear that you’re going to be obsessed and attack her physically or be super-aggressive. These are all common objections women might have when a guy first approaches, and they vary by situation. When these objections enter her conscious mind, it can be too late. She will have already made a decision about you by that point, and she’ll want to leave. So, you have to be able to anticipate her objections and overcome them ahead of time. This isn’t always a conscious reaction to your approach; it usually happens

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WHAT TO SAY at a subconscious (and instantaneous) level. Remember the body/mind, mind/body connection. If she starts to wonder in her head whether or not you’re going to be staying there forever or whether or not you’re going to be physically aggressive toward her, she’s going to start to physically pull away from you. When she starts to physically pull away, she’s going to start to believe she doesn’t like you because her body is going to lead her mind there. She’ll think, “I’m leaning away from this guy, so I want to get away from him… so I don’t like him.” She’ll have an immediate reaction that she’s not attracted to you, and that’s not what you want. Once you’ve gotten her attention and relieved any objections, you are going to go about the extremely fun business of creating attraction, and that is what the bulk of the next few chapters will focus on. First, I want to address something head on here: you will only get good at attracting women by actually doing the things you’re about to learn. I know lots of guys who like to study this stuff and never practice. But you and I both know that you didn’t get this book just to learn some interesting techniques. You did it so you could go out and use this information to change your life. If you have reservations about doing that, I strongly suggest you deal with those reservations before reading on. A lot of the concepts of attraction I’m about to teach you are best described within the context of specific scenarios, so I’m going to be explaining the concepts and scenarios at the same time. If it seems a bit rambling or hard to follow, don’t worry! Chapter ten, “What to Say When…”, is a more condensed breakdown of just the scenarios. You can use that as a reference once you understand the core concepts. I’m going to break this up into nighttime and daytime strategies, and I’m going to explain the concrete actions that create attraction in every conceivable scenario in which you might find yourself. This is what I’m known for and what I do best: knowing what to do and when to do it. In some situations, you’re going to join groups of people. In some situations, you’re going to be shamelessly flirting with girls in front of everybody. In other situations… Well, enough talking about it. Let’s just get started. Let’s talk about a girl who’s by herself first. If a girl is by herself, she might be standing up, sitting down, or dancing. In each situation, you’re

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WHAT TO SAY going to be approaching using a different mentality.

The Spin of Destiny Let’s talk about what to do if she’s dancing. A lot of guys don’t know what to do here, so they end up standing and watching her dance, or coming up and trying to grind on her. Both of those are bad moves, and things that girls come to expect. Instead, you want to be playful and different. A great way to do that is with a move I call the “Spin of Destiny.” You’re going to see this pop up a lot. It’s something I use all the time with an incredible success rate. Imagine you spot a girl who’s by herself and dancing. You’re going to walk up to her, put your hand out as if you’re expecting her to give you her hand (and she will), take her by the hand, and twirl her in a circle. Then, for just a few seconds, you’re going to turn your back to her, look over your shoulder, and smile. If you want, keep holding her hand and gently pull it over your shoulder, like she’s hugging you. Seems simple, right? Well, it is, and it isn’t. There are a lot of subtle things wrapped up in that one move.

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WHAT TO SAY First, you’re going to be making strong, sexy eye contact. As she looks at you, you’re going to smile a little bit. When she gives you her hand, you’re getting a bit of compliance from her. Compliance is something I’m going to keep referring to, and it’s a key component to attraction. When she complies with something you want her to do, even something as innocent as giving you her hand for a twirl, you reinforce your masculinity and dominance. You are the leading man (quite literally, if you are dancing). As you’ll see later on, many small bits of compliance add up to a massive amount of attraction. Next, by turning your back to her you are using negative body language, which is a great way of conveying non-neediness (more on that later). Finally, you’re breaking her pattern by doing something unexpected (on a dance floor, she’s most on-guard against guys coming in and grinding her ass or otherwise groping and being sketchy). It’s even more of a pattern interrupt if she’s not dancing, which is why you’ll see the Spin of Destiny pop up again and again in different scenarios. I also used to call this move the “bad attitude washing machine,” because no matter what she looks like before you do this, by the time she spins around once, she’s going to be smiling. If you do this with two or more girls dancing, you’ll have to modify it, which I’ll explain in a bit. Because if there are two girls and you do this with just the one girl you like, you’re going make the other girl feel left out, and she’ll take her friend away from you. A couple key notes here: - Put your hand directly in front of her, in her personal space. She will feel compelled to take it, trust me. - Always come underhand, palm up, to create compliance. - Extend your arm almost completely. If your arm is bent, it might appear as if you are going to attack her. - Don’t face her directly because too much positive body language conveys neediness. Instead, turn your chest away from her a little bit and lean on your back foot. This is attractive, non-needy, and non-threatening body language, which will relieve her objections. - Don’t lean forward or do any kind of cheesy flourish with your

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WHAT TO SAY hand like you might see in the movies. Both convey neediness and awkwardness. - Always spin by pulling her arm across her body. You can also guide her that way by putting your other hand on her shoulder and turning her. It’s very awkward to spin in reverse, not to mention it shows you don’t know how to dance, and it might damage her rotator cuff.

Creating an “Us-Bubble” Imagine you see a girl by herself, sitting down. Typically, there’s going to be another chair nearby, maybe at another table. You’re going to pull up a chair next to her, sit down, and create an “us bubble” between the two of you, which is essentially a feeling of camaraderie, as if it’s just the two of you against the world. A great way to do this is by asking a burning question. If you’ve ever started a conversation by asking for an opinion on something, this is an ideal situation for that.

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WHAT TO SAY You might start with something like, “I have a question, and I’m really hoping you can answer it for me,” or “I have a question. I have a feeling that you’re the girl who’s going to answer this question.” You’re not going to ask if that’s all right with her; you’re just going to state that you have a question. Here’s what this will look like: instead of coming up to her and towering over her, you’ll grab a chair and pull it up next to her. This is important. Don’t be afraid to do this. A lot of guys are afraid to move stuff around in a place that they don’t own, but as we discussed earlier, you should be willing to manipulate your physical environment. You don’t ever want to sit across from her. This actually applies during any one-on-one situation with a girl. Sitting across from her puts you at a disadvantage. You want to sit next to her, or at a 90 degree corner. One of the reasons why is because, from this position, you’re able to touch anywhere you need to touch, and you’re able to escalate physical touch and connection with her while you’re talking. Another reason is that you need to be close enough to touch her to create an “us bubble.” Anytime a girl is alone in an environment where she feels like she shouldn’t be alone, like a bar or somewhere there’s lots of action going on, creating an “us bubble” with her will make her feel much more comfortable, like she belongs there and isn’t just sitting around doing nothing. Once you sit down, one of the easiest ways to do this is to begin talking about somebody else. It doesn’t have to be bad. You might ask a burning question like this: “I have a question I’ve been waiting to ask somebody, and I think you’re the girl who’s going to answer it. Do you see those two over there?” You might point to two people, preferably a guy and a girl, and say, “How long do you think those two have been dating, or do you think that they’re not dating? Do you think this is their first date?” From there you can create a fun little interaction by breaking down other dates and getting her opinion on them. Now, instead of her being alone and feeling out of place, it’s the two of you assessing a situation together, and since you’re so close to her you can physically escalate this connection over time.

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Notice the pattern interrupt; how this is different than an approach she’d expect. Most guys will walk up and start hitting to her, almost as if they saw her isolated and thought she’d be easy to pick up. This is a mistake a lot of guys make, walking up to a girl who’s by herself assuming that she’s sitting around waiting to get hit on. But she’s not. She’s not sitting there by herself thinking, “I’m sitting here hoping that a guy will come over and take me home and sleep with me.” A more likely scenario is that she’s feeling awkward and self-conscious because she’s isolated in a situation where she should not be isolated. A woman by herself needs a few things to happen, and one of those things is going to be fitting in somewhere; belonging in a situation. If you can create that feeling of belonging, she will feel like if she leaves to venture off somewhere else in the bar, she’s got a home base to come back to. That home base, of course, is you. That’s really, really important. Any time you see a girl who’s isolated in an environment where she wouldn’t normally be isolated, create an “usbubble” with her.

One Girl Standing Imagine a girl alone, standing at the bar. You’ll approach this differently

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WHAT TO SAY than if she were with a bunch of people. In fact, if you approach her thinking she’s alone, but it turns out she’s with a group of people and is just standing off to the side, you’ll have to switch your strategy immediately. There are a few ways of approaching one girl standing at the bar. One is indirect and is an easy extension of what you were doing during your bar walk. The other is very ballsy and direct, and very fun. I’ll talk about the indirect approach first. I might be standing at the bar, see a girl I want to talk to, and open her indirectly by including her in a conversation I just started. I’ll talk to a person next to me real quick, then tap the girl on the shoulder to get her attention. I’ll step back so that everyone can see each other and then start talking with them both, turning the conversation three-way. Now I’ve got both of their attention, and we’re all connecting and having a fun conversation. Whenever I want, I can turn towards her and box the third person out.

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WHAT TO SAY When you do this, make sure to create a triangle between all three of you. If you’re in the middle of a line, you’ll be turning back and forth and feeling like you’re playing telephone. You don’t want to isolate people. One thing you can say in this situation, when you’ve just stepped back and connected two random people, is, “I came here a couple of weeks ago,” and just tell a story about some place that you’ve been recently. Like, “I came here a few weeks ago and I had to wave the bartender down. What’s the best way you know to get a bartender’s attention besides showing your tits? Because I don’t have any. Not with me, at least.” Don’t be afraid to banter and be ridiculous (more on that soon). Say something silly like, “What drink should I get that would best suit my personality? And don’t say red-headed slut. Say whatever you want but don’t say that.” It can be really simple and light-hearted. Here’s what happens when you do this: (a) she’s going to assume that you already know the person you’re talking to; (b) when she finds out you don’t already know that person, she’s going to be really intrigued because you’ve turned out to be such a social guy getting great reactions from people who don’t know you. That’s wild for most girls, meeting a guy who can run the bar like that. This is the power of the social ambassador; this ability to create instant rapport by introducing people. It’s really easy to do if you don’t make it too complicated.

The Social Ambassador Whenever I’m talking to a hot girl and I feel like the interaction is starting to die out a little bit, one of my favorite things to do is to find the nerdiest dude I can find, the guy who’s got the least amount of self-confidence at the bar, and introduce him to my girl. This is usually a guy who’s doing everything I’m telling you not to do, like standing with submissive posture and looking around at chicks. When I’m losing a girl’s attention and I want to spike it back up, that’s my man. I’ll go up and I’ll talk to that guy for a minute and get him out of his shell, then I’ll introduce him to the girl I was talking with and walk off.

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WHAT TO SAY This is really great, especially if you’re bombing with the girl and don’t know what to do. You introduce her to somebody who’s not as good as you for immediate bipolar comparison. A lot of guys are afraid to introduce another guy to the girl they’re attracted to. Don’t be afraid of that. In fact, it’s one of the most powerful things you can do. There is a 99% chance this guy is not as good as you are at what you do, and 99% of the time, this guy’s going to screw it up. And if he doesn’t, that’s awesome too. Two people just hooked up because you introduced them. This is what Tens do. This is a win-win situation. If you’re attracted to a girl and you introduce her to a guy, if they hit it off and end up dating and staying together, that guy loves you and will do anything for you. He is your wingman for life. He owes you. The girl will also become a great friend and wing-woman. Trust me, hot girls know other hot girls. They have friends they will hook you up with, because you just introduced them to their boyfriend/future husband/whatever. But, usually what will happen, 99 out of 100 times, is that you’ll introduce this nerdy guy to this girl, he’ll do the exact same thing he always does, which is to creep her out and be super-needy and unattractive, she will be turned off… And she will miss you terribly. You’ll be somewhere else and see her looking over and giving you the “help me” eyes. Then she’ll come back and find you. This almost always happens, and she will be thrilled to be talking to you again.

Castling and Locking In That was an indirect way to approach a girl standing at the bar by herself. The direct way is something I call “castling” (if you play chess you’ll understand why in a second). This is one of my favorite things to

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WHAT TO SAY do, ever, if a girl is standing at the bar by herself. It involves a whole lot of things wrapped into one move: compliance, banter, touch, escalation and negative body language. And it uses that magical spin move I just taught you a minute ago. Just like I described earlier, you’re going to walk up to her, take her hand and spin her. Then, as she’s spinning, you’re going to switch places with her. If you’ve taken dance classes, you’ll recognize this move where you’re actually spinning and moving at the same time with your body. You’re going to end up where she was originally: against the bar or the wall. This is the power position. As soon as you do this, you’ll smile and say something cheeky like, “Oh, I stole your spot,” and that’s it. Then you can start having a conversation, usually a very playful one.

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WHAT TO SAY Sitting or standing somewhere that your back is protected is a power position. This is a position where you can see everyone else, usually facing the door. People who have a severe aversion to being weak or snuck up on, or anything like that, tend to always take the power seat. They’ll sit facing the door with their back to something whenever they can. When you lean back on a bar you are in a power position; you are said to be “locked-in.” If you’re leaning back and a girl is standing right in front of you, and I mean feet out, hips out, really leaning back on the bar, everyone else who sees you thinks she’s hitting on you. Whether or not that’s happening doesn’t really matter, because that’s what it looks like. Usually, she’ll start flirting with you immediately because it’s a position that she’s not normally in and that doesn’t normally happen (pattern interrupt!). It’s also really bold and funny, so she’ll start laughing and flirting with you. She’s now in a position where she seems like the pursuer instead of you, and since you’ve led her body to that position, her mind will follow. Meaning, she will actually start to feel like the pursuer, and she will start to flirt with you and chase you. This is a great time to introduce a little role-play.

Flipping the Script – Role Play and Teasing Every woman in a bar has a pattern in mind that guys will be coming up to her and trying to hit on her, chase her, get in her pants, etc. Role playing is a really fun way to turn the tables on that pattern and create a fun, sexy interaction she wasn’t expecting. Imagine you just “castled” a girl and are now locked-in, leaning on the bar in the power position. You might say something like “All right, tell me, is this how you always pick up guys? What’s your best pickup line?” Then you might flip the script and take all the objections she would normally say to a guy and say them to her first. “Look, I told my friends I wouldn’t go home with anyone tonight,” or “Did you come all the way over here just to hit on me?”

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WHAT TO SAY Flipping the script creates a lot of “light-bulb” moments for a lot of guys, because girls have been doing it to them for years. It’s really fun to think of all the things girls might say to you that get under your skin (in a fun way), and say those things to girls instead. It’s like you’re 5 years old again, back on the playground. Girls love when you start bringing back that childish playfulness. A lot of girls, when they start becoming attracted to you, will test you by giving you a little stuff. They want to see how you react to a little ribbing, to know if you really are that kind of confident guy who can spin a girl and flirt with her in this fun, cheeky way. Flipping the script is a great way to stand out from every other guy because it pre-empts those tests. You are essentially testing her before she can test you. In fact, everything about the “castling” move is a way of physically flipping the script. You’re taking her away from the bar where she was comfortable and had all the power, and putting yourself in that position instead. From there you can flip the script emotionally, meaning that you’re starting to voice her objections back to her and give her tests. Ask her to buy you a drink, tell her to stop hitting on you, tell her you’re not that kind of guy, etc. You will see fireballs of attraction exploding in her eyes when you do this.

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7. Meeting Women at Night, Two Girls Two Girls Dancing

A

ny time you approach girls dancing you’re going to have to match their energy level. There are environments in a bar or club with higher and lower energy. If you bring lower energy into a highenergy area, you’ll get expelled because you’ll bring that group’s energy down, and no one wants that when they’re out trying to have fun. If a girl is leaning up against the bar, even if she’s dancing a little bit, she’s in a lower energy area. Everyone in that area has a motive; their attention is all focused away from her and toward the bar, trying to get a drink. But if she steps out onto the floor and starts dancing, the energy level goes up and you will want to approach her differently. And I’m talking about the same girl, on the same night, not two minutes later. The dance floor is the highest energy part of the room, always. So when you get out there, all the seriousness needs to drain out of your body. Only playfulness can exist in that moment. Approaching two girls dancing is a really common scenario, and I’ll give you a few ways to do it. There is a dynamic between two girls that doesn’t exist with just one girl, so you’re going to be playing the girls off of each other.

Double Spin The Spin of Destiny still works great here, but if you walk up to two girls who are dancing and you try to spin just one, it won’t work. So what do you do? Spin them both! Do this with one girl at a time because you don’t want the girls to have a moment where they look at each other and decide what they should do. If that happens, they’ll both have objections. Even if they both want to spin with you, they’ll look at each other, think that they’re going to get judged for doing it, and refuse you.

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WHAT TO SAY Take one girl’s hand, smiling, and then right when you get that compliance from her, take the other girl’s hand immediately. You have one girl, then you have the other. This creates social pressure working in your favor. Her friend took it, so she should too. There are a lot of little nuances to this situation. If you do this right, you’ll be sideways to the first girl, and then as soon as she reaches out and you have her hand, you’re going to turn to the other one as you are starting to spin the first one. Remember, you always want to spin her hand across her body. That’s the easiest and smoothest way to spin. Think about that, because you can’t control which hand she gives you, and you’ll have to be ready for either.

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WHAT TO SAY Don’t do this too quickly because it’s a complicated maneuver. You don’t want to be swing dancing, spinning them off the ground and flipping them over! I have knocked two girls over doing this too fast or too recklessly, so take your time. If you’re holding a drink, you can use it to gain even more compliance. Take your drink and hand it to one girl. If you put it right in her personal space, she’ll take it, just like she’ll take your hand. Get the other girl’s hand and spin her, then take your drink and hand it to her so you can spin her friend. Then say “Thank you.” That’s it. Now you’re in and you can hang out and have a good time with them. Dance!

Cheers and Woo This is a very complicated, technical maneuver. Don’t try this until you are absolutely ready. You walk up to two girls dancing, hold your drink up…

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WHAT TO SAY ..and say: “Cheers! Woo!” Pretty tough, huh? That’s it. You do this with both girls, then you start dancing. You do not want to start talking to them and bringing their energy down. One of the biggest mistakes I see guys make when they see two girls dancing is to go up and try to talk to them. They walk up and say, “Hey, what’s going on?” They’re dancing, that’s what’s going on. Dance with them! Or, leave them alone. If you try to have a conversation with them, you’re basically saying “Hey, instead of having a good time, let’s go over here and talk about stuff.” You might as well say, “You probably won’t like me because I apparently don’t understand you at all.” Women are not very happy with guys who don’t get that. You have to match the energy of the dance floor and the level of playfulness. You have to be light hearted, fun, and silly. You don’t want to converse with any content whatsoever. Just fun: “Cheers, woo!” And then dance. You’ll be entering that environment with a playful vibe and adding some fun to their night. Don’t try and pull one of the girls off the dance floor right away, you want to be there for a bit having fun with them both. You do want to move the girl you like somewhere eventually, and we’ll get to that later.

Taking Photos This is a great one to do on the dance floor because girls having fun always love to take pictures. You need to preface this by saying something when you walk up, so they know you’re not a photographer coming around taking photos for a website. All you need to say is something like, “Oh my God, you girls are awesome.” You walk up laughing and high energy, and say “Oh my God, you girls look crazy fun.” Hand girl 1 your camera and say, “Take our picture.” Let her take a picture of you and girl 2. Click! Then hand girl 2 the camera and do the same with girl 1. Then take the camera, hand it to somebody else, and say, “Take our picture.” You get a picture with both 1 and 2 (you always want to take photos in threes and I’ll explain why in a bit).

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This gets you in the door in a way that’s conducive for you to build attraction, so you can banter with them after that, dance, and be playful and fun. This approach builds in a lot of touch because you are going to be next to them, maybe with your arm around them when you take the photos. It also plays them against each other a little bit so that one girl’s taking a photo of the other one and feeling a little left out, then they swap. Then they both end up on the same team when taking the photo together, and everyone ends up having a good time that revolves around you. Note: You must be super high energy when you walk up. You’re dancing around, you’re getting out your camera phone, and you’re coming across like, “Hey, I’ve been looking for girls who are as awesome as you two. Let me get a picture. Here.” Also, hand the camera off as you’re saying, “Let me get a picture.” Don’t wait for a response. This is another compliance technique. You don’t want them to stop and ask themselves, do we want to do this? That’s a moment of awkwardness you want to avoid. You want this to flow naturally, so there’s no weirdness whatsoever. There’s no friction. It just… happens.

Bump Into Them Here’s the simplest approach of all: bumping into them. This is by far

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WHAT TO SAY my favorite way of meeting women. First, a disclaimer: Never put your weight behind it when you bump a girl. You’ll knock her over. You’ve got to be really, really careful. She can lose balance easily, especially in high heels. If you get this one thing wrong, you can really cause major damage. Even worse than getting rejected is accidentally hurting a girl, and having her and her friends legitimately pissed off at you and yelling. You want to create a safe environment where you’re being gentle, playful, and you’re not coming on too hard. Doing this right communicates that you are strong but in control. Don’t be a bull in a china shop. Be a coordinated guy in control of his own body. There are two points to doing this right. One is that you have to use a bit of misdirection. You redirect your attention to someone else and then you bump into them. The bump is innocent and okay because you weren’t looking. Talking to somebody else while you’re doing this is ideal. When you’re close enough to the girl you want to bump, just step backward. Take a wide step or a cross-step, don’t shuffle. Shuffling doesn’t have much finesse. You step backward, leaning with your shoulder. Your shoulder should hit first when you make contact. It should be really soft and really slow.

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WHAT TO SAY I’ll be pointing one way and talking, and then I’ll bump shoulders and say “Oh, excuse me.” I’ll put my hand on her shoulder and keep talking for a moment, and then I’ll take my hand off, turn around, and say, “Did you just bump into me? Are you trying to get my attention or something? Look, I promised my friends I wouldn’t go home with anyone tonight.” I’ll start flipping the script and just raining down banter lines.

Banter Lines Banter lines are silly, content-free things to say when you are flirting and building attraction. There’s a whole list of them in the Tao of Badass members area for reference, so check that out when you get a chance. However, at the end of the day, I would prefer that you create your own, in your own style. Become a banter line factory. Most importantly, you will find that when you are in-state and having a great time, banter comes naturally, without even thinking about it. You banter with girls spontaneously, and it’s completely organic and unique to your personality.” Examples (said with a sly smile): - You’re trouble, aren’t you? - Did you come over here just to flirt with me? - I promised my friends I wouldn’t go home with anyone tonight - Ahem, my eyes are up here - Did you just grab my ass? - Did you just bump into me to get my attention?

When you think up new banter lines or approach methods, or essentially new styles, go try them out in actual interactions with women. But, whatever you come up with has to work as good as, if not better than, what I give you here. You don’t want to use something that doesn’t work as well just because it’s different and it’s yours and it’s new. Also, I highly suggest that if it works one time, you keep doing it. Keep testing it and tweaking it until you get a version of it that works almost every time. That way you can separate what actually works and what doesn’t. A classic example of testing and fine-tuning is the “Spin of Destiny.” I had

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WHAT TO SAY to find out the hard way that if I don’t turn my body to the side when I stick my hand out that I don’t typically get a positive response. That was a subtle difference but it had a huge impact on the effectiveness of what I was doing. I tested that spin move every way I could think of, tweaking each piece and figuring out what worked, what didn’t work, and what didn’t matter.

Two Girls Sitting Down There are two different scenarios in which you might see two girls sitting down, and the approach for each one is very different. Any time you see two girls sitting down, you have to assess one very, very important thing. That is: are they in rapport or not?

Two Girls Sitting, in Rapport If they are in rapport, meaning a deep conversation, they are going to be very difficult (if not impossible) to approach because they really won’t appreciate being interrupted. Never approach two women that are in rapport, ever. Don’t do it. Wait until they are not in rapport anymore. Unless you are a masochist. Maybe you really like being rejected horribly. And let me tell you, you’ll never get rejected like you do when you interrupt rapport. Girls will blow you off like crazy.

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WHAT TO SAY In order to determine if they are in rapport or not, you’ll need to assess their body language. It’s actually pretty simple; you can take body language cues very literally most of the time. If they are facing each other, especially if they’re leaning into each other, they’re saying “There’s no room for someone else to come in here.” If they’re sitting facing out a little bit, not facing each other directly with their entire bodies, as if there’s a triangle and there’s someone missing… that missing someone should be you. The reason why I’m really good at this is because I have trained eyes. In certain situations, I know not to walk up and try anything. I wish I could tell you there’s something you could do in any situation that would work regardless. I mean, you could blow through their rapport, ignoring all the cues they’re giving you, but you’re not giving yourself a very good starting point if you do that. If you’re a glutton for punishment and you know exactly how to recover from a ton of objections, you can actually break rapport between two women, then recover and keep it all together and become a part of their conversation. But why do it the hard way if you don’t have to? As an example, if I wanted to break rapport with two women who were talking and being serious, what kind of energy level do you think I would come in with? Not high at all. In fact, it would be a really low energy level. I would probably be extremely direct, and I would probably give a ton of reasons why I’m about to leave. I would be pre-empting a whole bunch of objections. A major objection for a woman in that situation is going to be “Man, this guy is going to stay here forever. I’m not going to be able to talk to my friend anymore. I need to reject him right now so he leaves.” Instead of letting that happen, I may come up and say “Hey, I’m really sorry to interrupt the two of you.” I don’t normally say that because apologizing for your approach is submissive and not confident, but I might break that rule when they’re in rapport. Then I may say, “I’m going to have to split in just a second, but I want to let you know you’re both extremely beautiful. I’ll talk to you in a minute, but I just wanted to say that. I’ll talk to you in a minute. Bye.” Then I split. The end.

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WHAT TO SAY They didn’t have to say anything. They didn’t have to kick me out. I was completely pleasant. I didn’t stick around and run their conversation off the rails. I simply interjected something pleasant and confident and then left. And when they’re done with their conversation, they will see me somewhere else, talking to other people and giving off that attractive vibe I’ve taught you to build up, and they will be very ready to talk to me.

Two Girls Sitting, Not in Rapport So what if you see two girls sitting and they’re not in rapport? If they’re not facing each other with their bodies, especially their legs, they’re not in rapport. In this case, you can use the same castling maneuver you would use for one girl standing at the bar. But, instead of switching spots and leaning against the bar, you’re going to take one girl’s seat. This is a very ballsy approach, but I’ve found that when you’re approaching two girls sitting down, you have to be ballsy because it’s very obvious why you’re coming over. You’re coming over to flirt with them, and you have to own it. I understand a lot of guys’ reservations here. The first time I did this, I was sure it wasn’t going to work. I had to get her to stand up, spin her, and steal her seat. I was worried about a million different things. What if she’s not going to want to stand up? What if she gets really mad? What if her friend yells at me? But then I started doing it, and it started working really, really well. Every time. Here’s what you do: walk up and put your hand out, turning sideways to her and leaning back (less pressure and neediness). You’ll be smiling, of course. Spread your feet out pretty wide and lean on your back foot, and when she takes your hand, gently pull her up out of the seat, spin her, and smoothly switch places with her, just like the “castling” move I described earlier. The difference here is that you’re really leaning back with your body to pull her up from a seated position. Then, after you spin her, you sit down in her seat!

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You may laugh for a second and say, “I stole your seat!” Then get up and say, “I’m just kidding,” pull up another chair, sit down, and join them. You’ve now opened these two girls by being more ballsy and playful than any other guy they’ve met that night (or ever). If you are wondering which of the two girls to pick, try the one that is sitting lower in her seat; the one that’s sitting smaller. This is another literal body language cue. People who are feeling more submissive sit lower in their seat than the people around them. Their heads are lower. With two girls, the one sitting lower will look to the other one for approval because she’s not leading the interaction; the other one is calling the shots. If that’s the case, you’re going to have to acknowledge the leader first. Wink at her, or nod, or smile. Then spin her friend. If you don’t do that, it will backfire. The more supplicative girl will wonder “Should I do this?” She’ll look over at the mother hen, so to speak, and if that girl doesn’t know if she can trust you, she won’t let her get up.

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WHAT TO SAY You’ll get a response like, “No, no, I can’t, I can’t.” Sometimes there’s just too much stuff happening, and you won’t realize that’s what’s going on, but that’s usually the case. You have to be able to recognize the different dynamics going on between the two girls. Once you’ve opened the two girls this way, pull up a chair and sit down with them. You can sit in the middle if there’s room for you to fit, or on the side. Understand that if you approach from one side, you’re going to be isolating the girl on the far side, so you need to make sure you’re giving her enough attention or she’ll give you a lot of resistance. If you don’t know what to say, you can create a specific reason for sitting down with them. For example: “Can you girls pretend to talk to me for a second because this girl over here is trying to jump my bones, and I really want her to leave me alone. Can you save me for a minute until she leaves me alone?” That’s an easy, safe line that relieves their objections and allows you to smoothly begin a conversation with little to no awkwardness or rejection. I’ve never met a girl that said no to that, not once. That line doesn’t have to be made up, by the way. Anytime you have a girl you’re not attracted to who’s all over you, use that as a way to approach two women who you are attracted to. If you’re in a situation that you don’t want, always be thinking of ways to leverage it to what you do want. Any girl who likes you in a bar, or any social environment, is always good for you. You never want to let that die out without first using it to your social advantage. Here’s another thing you can say to start a conversation immediately: “Do you know anything about astrology?” This is the best question you can ever ask women. “I have a question. Do either of you know anything about astrology?” It doesn’t matter what the answer is, but it’s usually yes. “Okay. I’m a Gemini. What’s the most compatible sign for me? I’ve heard it all over the board.” You can flirt with them if they’re a different sign. “Oh, I’m not going to be compatible with you. We’d fight all the time and I would win.” There are a hundred different ways you could banter about astrology and I highly suggest you try it.

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WHAT TO SAY Approaching From the Side If you see two girls sitting next to each other and you want to come from the side, typically what you should do is sit down, engage one, and then engage the other. Not both at the same time. This is different than coming from the middle. There will be two girls, you’ll pull up a chair and turn to one, and actually lean in for just a second to create an “usbubble.” Then you’re going to switch to talking to both girls. As soon as you get both of them looking at you and paying attention, you’re going to back up a little bit so everyone can see each other easily. Then you have the floor. When you first lean in, one girl will be interested in what you have to say. As soon as she starts talking to you, the other girl will feel a little left out and really want some attention. When that happens, you bring her into the “us-bubble” by giving her that attention, and now you can easily talk to both of them. This is important. Most guys won’t open up to the second girl. Instead they’ll talk to one girl, usually the more attractive one, and leave the other girl sitting there. She’ll start looking around and feeling like she’s being completely shut off, and she’ll resist you if you try to escalate things further with her friend. What I’ll typically do is lean in over my shoulder, not facing them directly. I don’t want to face them directly until they’re both looking at me and facing me with their bodies. I’ll be talking to both of them for a minute, and as soon as they turn and tilt their bodies a little bit to face me, I’ll do the same and face them as well. It’s really subtle but it makes a huge, huge difference.

The Power of Distracting Yourself Most guys approach two girls sitting down from the side because it feels the safest. They want to sit down on one side so they’re not vulnerable in the middle or they’re not splitting up two friends. If the two girls are sitting really close together, you have no real choice but to approach from one side, unless you move them. Which, by the way, you can do. I have told two girls sitting really close together, “Excuse me, move over

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WHAT TO SAY for a second,” and then had the girl actually move to the side to make room for me to pull up another chair and then sit down in the middle. I remember one night at a wine bar with a group of friends, sitting at a table, and I got up to use the bathroom. There was a line in the bathroom, so I didn’t get back for 15 minutes. As I came back to the table, I wasn’t paying attention, and as I went to get my chair, there was someone sitting in it. So I just said, “Hey, will you move over?” It was a really cute girl. I thought, “Oh, there’s a girl here. Great. Maybe my friends got girls to sit down with us.” So I grabbed a chair, she moved over, and I pulled my chair up and sat down. Then I looked up and realized I didn’t know anybody at the table. All my friends had stood up, and it was a completely new group of people. Everyone shut up, and they were all staring at me. Normally I would’ve said, “Oh God, I’m so sorry. My friends were sitting here. I thought this was my table.” But instead of doing that, I said, quite straightforwardly, “You guys aren’t my friends.” Someone said, “Yeah, some people just got up.” I said, “Oh my God, this is so funny. What are your names? I’m Joshua.” And I went around the whole table meeting everybody. There were about nine people at the table, guys and girls, and I thought they were all dating each other, but it turned out they weren’t. I ended up dating four of the girls at that table, all at the same time (back when I was polyamorous). That all happened because I accidentally sat down at the wrong table and made a girl move out of my way. I realized in that moment how much distracting myself helped me do ballsy things I would normally be afraid to do. When you’re not actually paying attention you can be aloof, or at least make everyone think that you are aloof, and you can choose to not pay attention deliberately. This is great if you’re ever nervous to approach women. You might walk

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WHAT TO SAY up and get self-conscious because you think she sees you coming and knows what’s up. Now, her seeing you coming is not a bad thing, but her seeing you as you’re walking up, and knowing that you’re thinking about what you’re going to say, that’s bad. That puts a lot of pressure on the interaction. But things like that won’t happen if you learn to distract yourself. Usually, I’ll look around, see two girls in my peripheral, and just grab something mindlessly. Again, this is misdirection. I’ll mindlessly grab a chair, pull it up, and just sit down, without obviously giving it any thought. I might say something random to get their attention, like “Are you guys using this? No? Okay, great.” Then I’ll just sit down and start talking: “I’ve got a question…” Women can’t really reject you when you do this. They have to first get your attention and then reject you, and they typically will not do that. Women can’t reject guys who aren’t paying attention. This is very important. When I do this, I might get, “Excuse me?” And I’ll say, “Yeah?” “What are you doing?” “Sitting down.” That’s it. I don’t address it any further. I just treat it like it doesn’t matter because I’m not paying attention to it. Then I continue on immediately: “You see those two over there? What do you think is going on?” This is classic misdirection at play. If it’s a high-stakes/high-risk situation and you think you’re going to be rejected, don’t pay attention. They cannot reject you if you’re not paying attention, I promise. It’s too much work. They’ll have to say, “Hey, excuse me. Hey, look at me, look at me, look at me. Okay, now that you’re here and you’re looking at me,

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WHAT TO SAY go away.” They won’t do that. If they’ve worked that hard to get your attention, they won’t tell you to go away. One of my friends, Rob Judge, explains this concept of misdirection really well. He’s a really smart guy and dating instructor, and I won’t go into great detail on this because this is one of his concepts, not mine, but he does something called the “Al Pacino.” The Al Pacino happens when a girl is rejecting you, and you completely ignore it, as if it isn’t happening. He has a really great way of explaining this. If a girl says, “Please leave. We’re in a conversation.” Al Pacino hears, “Hey, I’m so glad you sat down. We should talk.” Then Al Pacino says, “Hey, do you like dogs?” She says, “No. Why are you asking me about dogs?” Al Pacino hears, “I love dogs. Thank you for asking me that question. I can’t wait to hear the next question you’re going to ask. We’re getting along so well.” And he keeps talking about whatever he wants. This is exactly how misdirection works. If you’re distracting yourself, she cannot reject you, because you’re not even having her conversation. It’s only when you become part of the conversation and commit to it that you can actually be rejected. One reason why guys get rejected is because they become part of the girls’ conversation too fast. When you first walk up and you’re trying to build attraction, you never want to have her conversation. You want to have your conversation. It’s not until you’re in rapport that you are having a conversation together. In rapport, everything that I’m teaching you now shifts. You go from lightheartedness, compliance, banter, and negative body language to straight forward conversation, sitting, talking, and connecting. It’s a completely different phase of interaction that’s outside the scope of this book.

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WHAT TO SAY Two Girls Standing Let’s talk about two girls standing at the bar, which is another pretty common scenario. First, I’ll give you something you can do if you have a drink in your hand. We’re going to use classic misdirection and distraction here. I know I sound like a magician teaching a magic trick, but that’s kind of what you’re doing. You’re using distraction and misdirection to open smoothly and keep from being rejected early on in the process. What you’re going to do is to walk by the girls, look confused, and then go, “Will you hold this for a second?” and hand them your drink. They’re not expecting this at all so it’s a great pattern interrupt. You’re not trying to buy them a drink, and you’re not giving them your drink. You’re just saying, “Will you hold this for a second?” And when they take it, what’s that called? Compliance. The misdirection, the reason you need them to hold your drink, can be anything that seems to require your attention. I’ll usually lean down and adjust something on my boots or check something real quick on my phone, and then thank them and get it back. I’m not doing anything I couldn’t have done without my drink in my hand in the first place.

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WHAT TO SAY I know it doesn’t make any sense. But it doesn’t have to make sense. In this scenario, you’re opening them up without opening yourself up first, because you’re “distracted.” This will allow you to skirt the kind of rejection a lot of guys typically experience when they approach two girls. Both girls, typically, will wonder “What is going on?” That’s what you want, that “What is going on?” look on their faces. Then you go, “Thank you,” and take it back. I typically use this as a drive-by, where I say “I’ll be right back,” and I’ll walk somewhere for two minutes or so and come back to talk to them. When I come back, it’s ten times easier to open them up. I’ll say “Okay, cool. What are your names?” That’s it. If you stay there and continue to talk, remember that you walked up in a state of distraction. You can’t just turn immediately and start hitting on them or it will feel incongruent. Instead, it should come across as, “Oh wow, I didn’t even realize that you two were hot. I had no idea. I just needed someone to hold my drink real quick.” It’s like all of a sudden you just snapped out of it and are not distracted anymore. In the girls’ minds, this makes all the difference between “This feels really spontaneous and fun,” and “This feels weird and creepy, and I don’t like it.” One thing you can do is ask an easy question, like “How do you two know other?” This is a really awesome question that you want to use all the time. It gives you a ton of information to go on and talk about. Also, if you ask this to a guy and a girl, you can find out if they’re dating or not. We’ll talk more about mixed group dynamics in the next chapter. The distracted approach is very indirect and will get you in under the radar. Here’s another way to approach two women standing by the bar that’s much more direct. First, remember to assess if they’re in deep rapport with each other. If they are leaning into each other, have their hands on their cheeks listening, or in any other attentive listening posture, tread carefully. If she’s not in deep rapport - she’s not facing the other girl directly,

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WHAT TO SAY there’s a little bit of space between them, they appear more casual and open – then you’re going to walk up and be very playful. A fun, lighthearted delivery on this is very important. You’re going to say, “Are you talking about me again?” You should have a serious, quizzical look on your face, as if you’re worried about what’s going on. You’re conveying through your face that you are thinking “Is this what you two are doing? Are you two… talking about me again? I told you not to do that!” And then of course, you start smiling.

They’ll be taken aback at first because you’ll have this serious, accusatory look on your face. But as soon as it becomes obvious that you’re joking around, you change to a playful expression and start flirting. You can say something like, “I’m standing right here. I can hear everything you’re saying. Come on, at least wait until I leave before you start talking about how awesome I am.”

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WHAT TO SAY Here’s something else you can say: “Holy crap! It’s you two again. What are the chances of me running into you again? That’s crazy.” This, of course, is with two girls you have never met before, so it’s going to be a joke. When you say something like this, you first want to have a look of surprise and excitement on your face. Again, they’ll be taken aback and probably go, “I don’t think we know you. I don’t know where we met you.” To which you reply, “Oh, you don’t? Well I was just wondering, what are the chances of me actually running into you again after this?” And again, you start smiling and flirting because it just became obvious you’re messing with them. These are obviously silly lines. You wouldn’t use them in every scenario, only when you are shamelessly walking up to two women and being ballsy and direct. The easiest and best thing to do in situations like that is to fall back on things that are funny and break out some flirty roleplaying.

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8. Meeting Women at Night, Group Dynamics Running a Group

T

he more people you add to a group, the more complex the social dynamics become. As you saw earlier, things are pretty straightforward when you’re only dealing with one girl, with one impression of you and one set of objections. Things get a little more complicated when you’re talking to two girls, because you have to make sure they both feel comfortable and not isolated. This effect compounds itself in larger groups, but the good news is that you don’t actually have to do more work. In fact, you will be doing less work because there are more members in the group to help carry the conversation. You just need to be aware of the group dynamics at play, and how to fit yourself into them as an attractive, leading man. Think about talking with two or more people. Standing in a straight line ruins the path of communication, so you need to step back and create a triangle or a circle, where you’re all talking to each other. If you step back while you’re talking, the other people will automatically feel compelled to face toward you more. Being aware of this, you can control whether the people you’re talking with feel together or apart, without physically getting in between them. Step back and stand shoulder-toshoulder with one of them while you’re talking, and the two of you are in an “us-bubble.” Step closer toward the middle and you break that imaginary bubble. If you face one person more with your body, giving them more positive body language, that person will feel more drawn into your conversation. If you turn away, they will feel like they’re losing your attention. You need to become aware of how your body movements can make people feel more or less accepted when you’re talking to them.

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In the initial stages of a group interaction, you can’t just break off one person to talk with, especially if it’s the girl you’re interested in. Your intentions will be obvious, and you risk aggravating other group members. It doesn’t matter whether they have a penis or a vagina, they all need to feel accepted into the conversation, or they will eventually try to block you out. Remember, a Ten understands how to give value to everyone in a group and make them feel accepted and validated. Become a source of validation and happiness for the entire group, and they will welcome you in and work hard to keep you from leaving. That means it’s your job to make everyone feel comfortable. If someone falls away from the group and is out there floating in nothingness, you should feel that and think, “That’s weird. If I was that person, I would feel awkward.” You have to be sympathetic during this process, because in the beginning you want to be connecting with the group in a lighthearted and fun way. As the social ambassador, you become more powerful as more people get involved in your circle of fun.

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WHAT TO SAY Even if it’s a guy who falls out of the group and is hanging out there, and you don’t want the guy there because he’s going to be talking to your girl, invite him in anyway. It’s not like the women are going to think “That guy just got let back into the conversation, I feel bad for him, I’m going to sleep with him.” That’s not going to happen. Instead, they’ll think, “Oh, this cool guy who is leading the conversation just let that other guy in,” and that’s a huge boost to your social value. You just gave this guy a way in. You said, “Come through the velvet rope for a second and hang out with us.” You’re giving massive amounts of value, which makes you a Ten. If he’s cool, great, now you’ve got another high-value friend and wing-man. If he’s not cool, the girls will come towards you to get away from him. Most guys are intimidated by other guys because they feel like they’re competing with each other for girls. That’s a terrible attitude to have and it comes from a mindset of scarcity, of feeling like you don’t have enough female options so you must cling tightly to the ones you do have. Sevens and Eights behave this way, but not Tens. Tens come from a mindset of abundance. They have many, many female options and are never too needy or over-protective of just one. They don’t feel like other guys are their competition, and they don’t ever feel the need to prove their manhood; they just know deep down that they’ve got it. And because of this, they get laid like rock stars. I have had guys come up to me when I’m talking to a girl and say, “Hey man, you seem really nice and everything, but I’m really trying to sleep with this girl, so I want to know if you could leave me alone with her for a little while.” And I happily obliged them because it was awesome that they came up to me and talked about it in the first place. I had no problem whatsoever backing down because I had an abundance mentality. I know I can do this with any girl, at any time, so one interaction doesn’t really matter to me. Now, if a guy lies to me or acts like a competitive jerk, I won’t back down from the girl. In fact, I’ll make it a point to take that girl because the guy is being a dick. If you encounter dudes like this, there are no rules anymore. A lot of guys will try to be really nice to other guys even though they’re mean. You don’t ever need to do that. They don’t deserve

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WHAT TO SAY your kindness. Don’t waste your time and energy trying to please people who lie or act like jerks.

Positive and Negative Body Language Your body language affects people’s emotions, in group dynamics or otherwise. When you give someone positive body language, you are giving them more acceptance and attention. Conversely, negative body language takes away acceptance and attention. You want to balance the way you use both of these. Typically, if someone does something that I don’t like, I’ll give them negative body language. In a large group, this means I turn away from them and towards another person, giving the new person positive body language. I’ll just pay attention to the other person. I’ll ask them a question. This sends a subtle message to the other person that if they want my attention back, they have to be nice to me. This give-and-take is key to building attraction with women. Think about this in terms of progression. As a leading man you should constantly be moving the interaction forward. If a girl sits still or takes a step back from me, not physically, but emotionally and mentally from investing in the interaction, I will stop giving her positive body language. This encourages her to work harder for my attention, which means she invests more into the interaction, and things keep moving forward. What guys usually do when they start losing a girl’s attention, and they feel things starting to fizzle out, is to start chasing body language. This happens a lot with groups of girls, especially when the guy makes the mistake of only talking to one girl and not anybody else, and then that girl starts to pull away because she feels crowded. When that girl starts to pull away, they chase her by giving her more positive body language, like they’re trying to get in front of her and recover her attention. This is the worst thing you could ever do, especially in an environment where a lot of people are looking at you. By pulling away, she’s giving clear signals that she doesn’t want to be

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WHAT TO SAY around you. If you stay there and keep chasing her at this point, your value drops through the floor. This is the point where her friends will come in to save her and act aggressively toward you. You’ll get boxed out of the conversation and be left holding your drink talking to nobody, feeling completely rejected. Here’s a great analogy to understand how this works: meeting women is a lot like dealing with cats. Unfortunately, most guys treat it like dealing with dogs. Think, for a moment, about the difference. When you are interacting with a dog, what do you do? You go straight up to it, act really happy and accepting, and the dog responds immediately. It comes over to you and wags its tail and thinks to itself, “Yeah, we’re having a good time. You’re paying attention to me. I like this.” But what do cats do? If you try to come up to a cat and say, “Hey cute lil kitty, come here,” It says “Pfft. I’m walking over here and sitting down.” If you try to pet the cat, it resists. It doesn’t need you. But if you coax it for a while and have a nice ball of yarn for it to play with, it’s says, “Okay, maybe for a minute, but then I’m leaving….” And once it’s having fun with that ball of yarn, if you then get up to walk away, it will suddenly chase after you because it wants more. It wants what it can’t have. Women are cats. And you are the ball of yarn. Women, especially really attractive women in a bar or club, are not going to accept your attention right away and respond to your positive body language. Women typically don’t want to be easily accepted. That’s not what they respond to. They want to feel like there is something in front of them that they want, and they have to chase it and capture it. They need to want you and chase you before you can really make them feel accepted, and the key to making this happen is with negative body language. If you are going to be approaching a woman in a group, you never want to be chasing her body language. Instead, you want to turn and get her to come after you. You want to show the girl, essentially, that it’s not easy to win you over. She’s going to have to work to earn your attention, which means you are a high-value, attractive person. You’re

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WHAT TO SAY not hiding the fact that you’re interested in her, you’re just showing her that she’s going to have to actually invest some time and energy in this conversation or you’ll turn and leave her out in the cold. There are some women who will respond to positive body language right away: women with very low self esteem. They’ll think, “Oh my God, someone is actually talking to me, this is amazing.” But that doesn’t happen very often with women who are very attractive because they don’t have very low self-esteem. Let me make a note here. Very attractive women don’t usually have low self esteem, but they are almost never actually confident. Here’s the difference: low self-esteem, essentially, means feeling like you have very few options. It means having a scarcity mentality, like you aren’t worthy of attention. Low confidence means you don’t believe in yourself. The hotter a woman is, the less confident she typically is. She won’t have low self-esteem because she knows she’s attractive and she has options. But that’s different than being confident, from believing in your own abilities, especially in social interaction. If you’ve ever met a really hot girl who seemed cold or bitchy, it’s probably because she wasn’t very confident in social situations. A lot of hot women have a lot of mental blocks up and don’t really get normal interactions. They don’t always learn how to have a normal conversation because most guys they know have been hitting on them and trying to get in their pants since they were teenagers. They wind up having different personalities altogether because they’ve learned to always be on-guard for that. That is the pattern their minds are operating on.

Two or More Girls Dancing So, keeping in mind the group dynamics we just discussed, let’s talk about how to approach two or more girls on the dance floor. This technique is called integration. On the dance floor, the group you want to approach will have their own little pocket of people dancing. You are going to create your own pocket and then integrate the two. You will set this up so that your people and their people are all mingling, and you have domain over both at the same time.

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WHAT TO SAY This is coming back to the social ambassador concept. You’re creating a social group and using it to infiltrate another group.

The best way to do this is to first get a group of people pumped up. This will be a group that you would normally warm up with (i.e. guys or girls you’re not attracted to) and who look the most approachable on the dance floor. That group is very unlikely to reject you, so start dancing with that group and pumping up the energy, then create a dance circle. Basically, you start backing up and motioning for everyone to make some room. What happens is that everybody begins to form a circle. If you can, push someone into the circle, and they’ll start dancing, then another person. This is really classic. Be ready to jump in there yourself, by the way. Once you’ve gotten the circle going, you’re going to open up part of it and connect it to the other group, making a bigger circle. Then move down and plug yourself in on the other end; the end with all the girls you want to talk to. That’s integration. It’s a pretty simple and powerful concept. You’re basically taking a group of safe people you don’t really

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WHAT TO SAY want to be with for too long and connecting them to the group that you really want to be dancing with. You can also integrate by slowly moving that first group in one direction until both groups are intermingling and you are close enough to the girls you want to dance with. Whenever you integrate groups like this, the girls won’t question how it is you popped up next to them. They’ll be thinking, “How did we get over here? Who are you people?” But they won’t be looking at you thinking that; they’re looking at everybody else. You’ve come in completely under the radar, created a bit of controlled chaos, broken up their entire circle, and integrated your people with theirs. Group intermingling like this happens all the time on a dance floor, and nobody gives it a second thought. They certainly won’t have any clue that you engineered it. Integration is my favorite way to run a dance floor. Actually, it’s my favorite way to run a room. You take one group of people who are easy to talk to and integrate them with the group of people you really want to talk to. Remember, when you go through the warm up process we discussed earlier, you’re not just warming up yourself. You’re creating pockets of friends. Once you’ve done that ground-work, you can then leverage those pockets at any given moment. Again, this is the power of the social ambassador. This isn’t just limited to a dance floor. You can do this in any high-energy environment where everyone’s standing around talking, like at a bar or a party. It’s like chess, where you are manipulating all these little pieces to coordinate something great. You make note of everyone’s position in the room and strategically position yourself for attack. By the way, this works just as well in business networking situations. You might see a group of people across the room that you want to talk to. You start a group right next to them. Then, while you’re introducing people, you “mistakenly” tap one of the people in the other group, assuming that they’re part of this group too, and just continue to introduce people.

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WHAT TO SAY This is really, really powerful. It’s what I do all the time. I treat everybody the same and just assume that I should be meeting and introducing all of them, and with this attitude (and a bit of misdirection) I can work my way into just about any group of people I want to meet. This is a strategy that requires to you see the forest for the trees; to see the big picture ahead of time. Guys, for some reason, always seem to want to do things the hard way. Seeing a hot girl, walking up to her, and just trying to talk to her can be really difficult. It becomes exponentially easier when you use your social influence. It works for you and greases the wheels of all your interactions. It makes everything run so much smoother. It creates that all-important vibe of pre-selection. If you want to try the “man up and just do it” approach with one hot girl at a time, I’m not going to try and stop you. Just know that there’s a much easier way: create social ambassador status for yourself.

Two or More Girls Sitting Down This is where things get a little bit complicated. If you have a group of women sitting down, some of them may be in rapport and some of them may not be. You’ll have pockets of girls who are leaning toward each other having an intense conversation and other pockets that are more relaxed and open to being approached.

Indirect - Table Integration One strategy here is to integrate, starting with the girls who appear more open (i.e. not in deep rapport). The best way to do this is to sit at an adjacent table. This is a bit of a longer-term strategy, but if you do it right, it pays off really well. Sit down, if you can, with a group of people you’re warming up with. You want this to be at a table adjacent to the group of women that you really want to talk to and close to the women in that group who are not in rapport. From that position, you’re going to turn around and start talking to one of those girls. Remember group dynamics. You’ll have to turn enough so you can actually engage a few people. What usually happens is that the other girls sitting nearby will notice you talking to their friends and start dropping out of rapport. Then you’ll have a whole side of that table paying attention to you and enjoying a flirty, fun conversation.

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Now, seeing as how you’re an attractive, dominant man who has no problem rearranging things around him however he pleases, you’re going to push your tables together. Voila – integration complete. Keep in mind that for this kind of integration, the logistics are really important. You can’t do this if you’re sitting at the wrong side of the table or at a table near a bunch of girls in deep rapport that will be nextto-impossible to connect with.

Direct - Shameless Flirting Here’s another, more direct way to integrate two tables of people. Imagine you and a few guy friends want to sit down at a table. You’re going to do something to get the girls’ attention, like making a big show of setting up the table, getting chairs and everything, so that they start looking at you. When they look over, say “Hey, there’s a table of cute girls. Let’s sit with them instead,” and just go sit down with the girls and all your friends. Say it loud enough for them to hear you and laugh with you, and they’ll be psyched that a fun, cheeky guy and his friends just joined them. You’ll also position yourself as the leader of your group. Another bold and direct move, if you see a table of girls who are not in rapport, is to pull up a chair, sit down with them, and banter like crazy. Shameless flirting works well in these situations because they will all feel

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WHAT TO SAY safe as a group, and receptive to you being more direct. Say something like, “You girls are really cute. Are you in a band or something?” Give them a chance to role play. “Are you a traveling trapeze team?” “Are you a basketball team?” “Are you guys all here for a My Little Pony convention or something?” “Is this your Care Bear support group? Am I interrupting something?” “Am I in the right place? Did one of you order a dashingly handsome male stripper?”

Taking Photos, in Threes Once you’ve sat down, a great way to ramp up the fun early on is to start taking pictures with them. Earlier I told you about taking photos with girls on a dance floor. This is similar, only here you’re taking three photos with the group: normal, silly, and sexy. As always, don’t ask if it’s okay, just give someone the camera and say, “Let’s get a picture.” Maybe the picture is of your whole table or just a few people. It doesn’t matter. You take one picture with everyone smiling and acting normal. Then you say, “Hold on, hold on. Take another one. This time, everybody make a silly face.” Click! Then you say, “Okay, one more. Everyone make a sexy face,” or “Everyone be sexy.” If you don’t want to say “sexy face,” you can go lighter and reference the movie Zoolander: “Everyone show me your Blue Steel.” You may have just sat down and made a joke, like, “You girls are awesome. Are you in a band or something?” Then you’ll pull out your camera and say, “I’m going to get a picture with you girls. A picture with the band.” Note: It’s very important that you are in the picture. Never take a picture for other girls, it excludes you from the fun. If a girl ever tries to hand me a camera to take a picture for her, I typically say, “Yeah, yeah sure,” and then hand it to another guy and ask him, “Will you take a picture of these girls?” Why? Because if you just take it and snap a picture like she told you to, you are failing a compliance test. The kind of test you want to be giving her, not vice-versa. I’m not suggesting you be a dick and refuse every picture request. If I’m not actually trying to attract any girls, I will take a picture for

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WHAT TO SAY them, because in that case, it’s a nice thing to do. No big deal. But mindlessly complying with requests like that is a surefire killer of attraction, so keep that in mind. A better idea, by far, is to hand it to another guy and then get into the photo. Say, “hold on, hold on… this picture needs some eye candy.” Fun, attractive, sought-after people are always having their photo taken. And it’s great if you take the lead and direct which photos to take: one smiling photo, one playful photo, and one sexy photo. Definitely end on the sexy photo, that’s important. It shows a glimpse of sexuality and allows them to get comfortable with being sexual around you in a safe way. You’re introducing sexuality right away without coming off weird, because it’s in a group, it’s for a picture, and you’re directing them to do it in a fun way.

Group of Girls Standing This is one scenario that most guys shy away from because they’re intimidated by talking to so many girls. However, groups of girls are actually the easiest groups of people to open up, period. It takes almost zero understanding of social dynamics in order to open a group that’s standing, and you don’t have to do much work to succeed. All you have to do is walk up with a good reason for talking and they’ll typically be really responsive to you. This is because they’re out to have a good time with each other, talk to people, and flirt with guys, and they’ll be open to your approach because they feel safe within the group. All you have to do is be light-hearted and you’ll be fine. Try saying hi and telling them your name. It really is that easy sometimes. Tell them they looked friendly and you wanted to introduce yourself. One thing you can say when you walk up that almost always works is “I’m going to hang out with you girls because the girls I came with are boring.” That’s it. You can say more if you want to, like, “Are you girls fun? I’m going to hang out with you girls because the girls I came with are boring, but you girls are fun, right?” Most girls are not going to say no, they aren’t fun. And if they do, they’re most likely doing it to have fun with you, so you can just play along. Speaking of how easy it is to talk to large groups of girls, bachelorette

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WHAT TO SAY parties are some of the easiest groups ever. They are most definitely out to have a good time, and they will end their night extremely disappointed if they don’t talk to a lot of guys. You can walk up and ask, “Oh, which one is getting married? Congratulations. Do you want a picture of you spanking me or me spanking you?” They are looking to integrate. They want guys to come up to them. That’s why they are there. They will hardly have any reservations because they’re in a large group, and they feel safe. They don’t need to look out for themselves as much, because other girls are looking out for them. You’re going to have to talk to all of them at some point, you can’t just sneak in and run off with one girl or they’ll get protective, but it will be very easy to win the group over. And once you’ve done that, you can take your pick of which fun, single girl’s world you want to rock that night.

Girls and Guys Mixed These scenarios are similar to the way we’ve been handling groups of all girls, but it’s important to note that with guys present in the group, they are going to either be enemies or allies. How they turn out depends on how you approach the group.

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WHAT TO SAY In mixed-group situations, I will typically enter and be a little bit submissive. I do this deliberately, which presents an interesting case because I’m breaking one of the cardinal rules. I’ll come in extremely aloof, as if I have no idea that there’s any kind of dynamic in this environment at all. As if I’m wandering up to them without even thinking about it. I’m using the power of distracting myself in order to come in under the radar. I won’t be direct or sexual, I’ll just introduce myself to people and act friendly and safe. With mixed groups, you don’t want to be direct or try to lead the group right away, because the guys will immediately sense your dominance and resist it. They’ll see you as a threat, someone who could take away all their girls, and they won’t appreciate that. So what you have to do in these cases is come in under the radar and subtly win everyone over. Then, once you’ve assimilated into the group, you can resume being dominant and gain control. You have to wait for the right opportunity to control; you can’t do it too early. If they’re standing up dancing around (girls and guys), then you want to be silly. That’s all you want to be. Nothing serious, nothing sexual, nothing really leading or dominant. You just want to be fun and silly and non-threatening, as if you don’t have a penis at all. You’re just a little boy having a good time. That’s just in the beginning, by the way. Once you get into the group and begin to actually talk to different people, you’re going to turn back into your masculine, dominant self. But right when you walk up, just to get your foot in the door, you have to present yourself as absolutely no threat to them. This will disarm the guys and allow you to join the group with little resistance from them. By the time you resume being yourself and start attracting the girls, you will have won the guys over and made them your allies. If a group of girls and guys is sitting down, you need to actually ask for permission to sit down. This is important. You don’t just ask the guys either, because then you’re showing true submission. You want to show no dominance when you come in, but you especially don’t want to be

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WHAT TO SAY submissive to one of the guys because he’ll think he can control you, and you stand no chance of building attraction with any of the girls. Instead, you want to ask the permission of the group as a whole. Make sure you make eye contact with a few of the girls and a few of the guys in the process. Ask everyone, “Do you guys mind if I sit down here? Because I want to hang out with you guys instead of hanging out over here.” Or, “Hey, do you guys mind if I hang out with you for just a minute? You guys seem cool.” That’s it. They will feel no threat whatsoever if you sit down, and since you said “for just a minute”, they won’t have the objection that you’ll be hanging around forever. In this moment, you’re turning off all of your sexuality. When guys are sitting down with girls and they sense a man coming in that’s sexual, they’ll tend to fight that and prevent it from happening. You don’t want that to happen, because even if you do manage to sit down, you’ll have enemies. You’ll have someone who’s working against you, trying to make things worse for you. You’ll turn whoever it is into a combative person, and you’ll have a really hard time. You may find, in some situations, that a group has no truly dominant guys who might resist you, in which case none of this matters. But, you won’t know that before you walk up, so it’s best to play this conservatively until you can figure out where you stand. In mixed groups with really attractive girls, usually one of the guys will be a really aggressive, super-dominant, alpha-type dude. You have to come in under the radar with these guys, or they’ll boot you out before you even get two words out of your mouth. Remember to be giving compliments to guys according to value dynamics. Assess what kind of guys they are, and give them what they want (six = acceptance, seven = respect, eight = feeling like they’ve won, ten = compliments). Now, once you’re accepted into the group, you feel like you’re on a level playing field with everyone else, and everyone is treating you neutrally or positively, then you can start to lead. Suggest moving somewhere else in the bar: “There’s a better place over here. We should go over here and do this thing.” Pull tables up or move seats around. Perpetrate little acts of control that the alpha/leader guys in the group typically benefit

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WHAT TO SAY from, like inviting other girls over to the group so the guys have new girls to talk to, introducing them to new people they haven’t met yet, etc. That’s what the leader does in a larger group, and if you start doing that you will subtly assume the leader position and gain control of the group. You came in under the radar, as a follower, and ended up as the leader.

Mayor Walking I talked about mayor walking briefly during the chapter on warming up. Let’s talk about it a little bit more now because it’s a great way to approach a group of guys and girls when they’re standing, especially if they’re standing around near the bar, not doing much of anything. When I started doing this, I was able to get the attention and acceptance of a lot of people, all at once, really quickly. Like most ballsy approaches, it’s vital to note here that you have to fully commit to this, or it won’t work. If you half-ass it, act apologetic, or take the time to explain yourself, you’ll run into a lot of resistance. If you own it, however, you’ll come off like a rock star. The mayor walk is where you walk by everyone just shaking hands. Picture Bill Clinton on the campaign trail, working a room in front of a bunch of cameras. He’s smiling, shaking hands, and kissing babies. That’s mayor walking. “Hey, how’s it going? I’m Joshua. It’s very nice to meet you.” “Joshua. Nice to meet you.” “Hey, all right!” “Hey, look at you!” “Everyone good here? All right!” “Welcome to the bar. Glad you’re here.”

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WHAT TO SAY Pretend that you’re throwing a party, they are all your guests, and you just want to welcome them and thank them for coming. You walk through the entire group, meeting them all, one at a time. When you do it this way, people will start to perk up and watch you. They’ll think, “This is interesting. Who is this guy?” They look around and think, “I don’t know who this guy is...” When you finish shaking hands, you just say, “Cool. You guys are awesome. What are we doing?” and without hesitation you’ve joined the group. If you do this right, you come across as somebody who thinks he’s important enough to be introduced to everybody individually. You act like you’re giving value just by introducing yourself, and so everyone assumes you have a ton of value. When someone famous shakes your hand, they expect that you’re going to be thrilled because you’re shaking the hand of somebody famous. That’s the mayor-walk effect. People see you acting the way famous people and politicians act, and they start to wonder who you are. Not as in, “I don’t know this person,” but as in, “Is this someone I should know?” Subconsciously, most people want to avoid the social faux-pas of not knowing somebody they should know, so they assume you’re important, and they just go with it. If you do the mayor walk at a party, everyone will assume that you’re the host. Makes sense, right? If you’re at a bar and you do it, everyone assumes that you own the bar, or you’re the bartender, or you’re a promoter. I’ve had a lot of people ask me if I worked at a place after I did the mayor walk. I just say “No, I don’t,” and they just laugh. I’ve never gotten a negative response from doing this, ever. After you do this, stay away from talking about what you do for a while. You don’t want to shake hands and then immediately start talking about your software job. That would be very incongruent to what you just did, and everyone will pick up on that and get weirded out. But, ten minutes later they will have moved on, and you can just be yourself. Start being playful as soon as you integrate, and then start directing the group and leading them. “Oh hey, there’s a table over here. Do you

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WHAT TO SAY guys want to sit down?” or “Let’s get drinks/shots,” or simply “Let’s go over here.” Start to direct everybody in a way that benefits the group. If they’re standing around, they’re probably in limbo and need somewhere to go, and you can be the one to direct them wherever that may be. Ask the guys a lot of questions and get their opinions on stuff. Give them compliments and value as well. You still have to win over all the guys and be non-threatening to them in the beginning in order to get in. You don’t want to be fighting them; you want to be one of them, on their team. You don’t want to be so submissive that you come off as one of the girls, or like a gay bestfriend. You just don’t want to trigger an alarm in any of the guys by over-doing the dominance too early. A lot of guys have theories about fighting other guys for alpha status. I don’t think of things that way, and I won’t tell you to do that because I don’t think that anybody who’s fighting for alpha status can truly be alpha. To me, the alpha is the one who’s actually in control, and sometimes that person has to make everyone think they’re not the one in control in order for everyone to follow them. That’s how it is. I suggest you do whatever you have to do to get the leadership position, and most of the time that means coming in under the radar and usurping that status once everyone gets comfortable with you. Note: If you do the mayor-walk with a group full of only guys, you might run into problems because they may feel like they’re being manipulated. But if it’s girls and guys they won’t have that reaction, even if they do feel like they’re being manipulated, because they know that showing a negative reaction would be a sign of weakness. If they say anything, they’ll look like a bitch. So, you essentially put them in check-mate; they’ll know what you’re doing but will have to shut up and respect the game.

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9. Meeting Women During the Day

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emember the difference in mindset and patterns during the daytime. People feel more exposed, like they can’t hide, and most women are not expecting to be approached by a high-value, charming guy. Just by approaching women during the day, you are setting yourself apart from most guys and you should find it surprisingly easy to build attraction. Typically, you won’t have to bring as much energy to the interaction in order to achieve the same effect, and you can also get away with being more direct.

One Girl by Herself Let’s start with one of the most common daytime scenarios: one girl by herself, walking somewhere. I’ll break this up into two different situations, one for if she’s walking towards you, and one if she’s walking in the same direction as you. Keep in mind that when you’re walking the same direction, she most likely will not see you coming, so you need to make an extra effort to approach in a way that makes her feel safe and comfortable.

The Buzzer Method This is a great method for breaking someone out of their daytime pattern and getting them to stop. You use your hand like a “buzzer” and put it out into her psychological space, her personal space around her. She will feel compelled to stop. She will see your hand and naturally follow your arm up to your eyes. I’ve nick-named this “buzzing in.” Just like with the “Spin of Destiny,” this is a subtle compliance move. When you put your hand into someone’s psychological space, they automatically respond to it without thinking; it’s a gut-level response. If you’ve ever had a salesperson thrust a flyer into your hand, and you took it without hesitating, that’s why. The people on the Las Vegas strip are the best at this; if you walk down the strip without saying “no,” you’ll end up with about 50 “girls direct to you” flyers in your hand by the time you get to the end of one block. You’re going to use this effect to your advantage to smoothly and comfortably stop a moving woman during the daytime.

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If she’s walking toward you, you’re going to stop, say “excuse me,” and put your hand out in front of her. If you do it right, she will stop and pay attention to you for a moment. A few notes on how to do this in a powerful, dominant way that commands attention: - Fully extend your arm, don’t half-commit to the buzzer. You don’t want to seem apologetic about stopping her. - Keep your hand about waist-high, away from her face or chest. - Never lean forward. Stand straight or lean back. - Go palm-down. One, so it doesn’t look like you’re asking for something (spare some change please?). Two, because a palmdown gesture conveys that you are in command of the space in front of her. - Judge her speed and do it with enough advance warning that she doesn’t feel startled or threatened, or like you’re going to grope her or hit her.

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WHAT TO SAY - Don’t do it too suddenly or with jerky movements. That can also make her recoil, and when she recoils you will be starting off from a very negative position. - If she’s carrying a purse, buzz-in on the non-purse side! You don’t want her to react to you like a purse-snatcher. Also, if you start walking with her, try to be on the non-purse side as well. You don’t want physical barriers between you. When people are walking by themselves, they’re typically looking down and they’re up in their head. When you put your hand out in their space like this, you snap them out of those patterns and command their attention. Once you have that attention, you’re going to turn and stand shoulderto-shoulder with her. If you face her directly right away you’ll be putting a lot of pressure on the interaction and you won’t have as much success.

From this position, you can create that same “us-bubble” effect we talked about earlier, where it feels like it’s you and her looking at something

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WHAT TO SAY together and bonding over it. You can point at something, or someone, and start talking about it. This is a bit of misdirection that will create comfort by distracting her from the fact that you just stopped her in the street. Also, when you’re stopping someone on the street, excessive eye contact can be intimidating, so having something else to look at and talk about is a good way to avoid that. What you’re doing here is breaking a lot of typical daytime patterns. During the daytime, if you stop someone on the street, what might that someone be thinking? They might think you’re going to be asking them for money, that you’re trying to sell them something, that you’re trying to get them to sign a petition, all sorts of crap. And people don’t want to be accosted like this. I learned this the hard way in New York City, one of the most difficult places to comfortably stop someone on the street, and I found this to be the most effective method. You see a girl coming towards you, you buzz in, turn, and immediately start talking about something. You can also do this when a girl is walking away from you in the same direction, you just need to come around from the side, give her plenty of space to see you and react, and do the same thing. In this case you can stop her, or keep walking with her in the same direction you were both already walking.

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WHAT TO SAY Here’s a more direct way of approaching a girl walking away from you. Full disclosure: I stole this from the highly underrated movie Dirty Work, starring Norm MacDonald, because I thought it was hilarious. If a girl is walking away from you and you want to go get her attention, jog after her and say, “Hey, Matilda! Matilda! Matilda!” That’s probably not her name, so she’ll say, “I’m sorry, my name’s not Matilda. You must think I’m someone else,” to which you reply, “No, no, you didn’t tell me your name, so I just guessed.” Then smile and immediately start flirting. I’ve used this countless times, and it works really, really well. Girls will laugh automatically, and you can start role-playing. Because you’re being so silly, you can continue to walk with them and say, “So where are we going? Back to your place or something?” Test these methods out in a place where there’s a lot of women walking during the day. Crowded city environments are fantastic for this. Other great places include shopping malls, farmer’s markets, beaches, boardwalks, and parks. You will have plenty of time to test this in different ways and figure out how this works best for you.

One Girl Standing Stopping a moving girl is one of the hardest things to do because of all the objections you have to handle in order to stop her in a non-threatening way. One girl standing still is much easier. You have to remember that women who are standing by themselves during the daytime are typically off in their own world thinking about something they have to do or thinking about some place they are going. This is very different from a woman standing in a bar because she is not expecting any guys to approach her in this environment. You’re going to be breaking all sorts of patterns just by approaching her. Imagine a girl standing on the corner of a street or in a park somewhere. You could walk up to her and ask her opinion or something, or point out something to talk about, but you risk falling into a boring, rapport-based conversation with a lot of autopilot responses from her. You can also be direct and tell her she’s gorgeous, which I’ll get to in a moment. But

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WHAT TO SAY here’s something very unique that I like to do in this case. It’s a very ballsy move, but extremely fun. The next time you see a girl standing by herself outside during the daytime, I want you to walk up to her and spin her. This came about from a game I used to play with a friend of mine, where we would try to see how fast we could get girls’ phone numbers. I thought I had the winning move, for sure. I would walk up to a girl standing by herself, spin her, and by the time she came back around to face me, I would be handing her my phone and saying, “Put your number in here. What’s your name?” That was it, and she would put her phone number in (compliance). But, my friend did me one better. This is the funniest thing ever, and it won because he didn’t even say anything to the girls in order to get their numbers. He would go up to girls with dogs and say “Oh my God, what a cute dog,” and as he knelt down to pet the dog he would put his phone into the girl’s hand. Classic compliance and misdirection. She would be putting her number in and laughing, like, “I can’t believe I’m doing this with some guy I don’t even know yet, this is outrageous.” I’ve tested both of these. They’re awesome.

One Girl Standing, in a Bookstore This is one of my favorites. In a bookstore, most people are sitting down, talking quietly, but one girl standing up will not be in any kind of deep conversation, so she will be much easier to approach. Here’s what I want you to do if you’re in a bookstore and you see a girl standing looking at books: find the dictionary section. Pick out a small dictionary, something you can hand her. Find the girl, walk up to her, and say, “Hey, I want your opinion on something. What do you think about this book? Do you think I should read this book?” Then hand it to her.

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She’ll take the book, thinking you’re asking her a serious question, and then realize the joke. When she looks up at you, I want you to be cheesy and start hitting on her. Say “So, what’s your name? Do you live around here?” “So are you single? What’s your sign?” That’s it. Totally overt, obviously silly, playful banter and flirting. She’ll laugh right away, which is what you want. You want her to be having fun with you right away. You want to take her out of the pattern that she’s in a bookstore looking for books, acting intelligent and nerdy. She’s expecting you to ask her a logical question, and you’ll build a lot of attraction if you’re silly instead. This is a great example of a misdirected joke, where you start off seeming to follow an expected pattern and then she realizes you’re just kidding.

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WHAT TO SAY I actually modified this from the movie Supertroopers. There’s a scene where one of the cops walks in with a folder and says to the cute girl behind the desk, “I need to give this to the captain, is he here?” She says “No,” so he goes, “Well, are there any other male officers here because I really need to give this folder to one of them.” She’s says, “I’m the only one here,” so he hands it to her, she opens it up, and realizes there’s nothing in it. Then he starts shamelessly hitting on her. “So have you always lived here or did you move here at some point?” She’s laughing her ass off and loving the charming little joke he just played on her. You can find other books, but a dictionary is one of my favorites because there is no way she can take it seriously. This wouldn’t work if you grabbed, say, a kama sutra book and asked “Do you think I should read this?” You’re not going to get the same response. If you continue to be silly with that, it will just come off creepy, like, “So, do you live around here? This is a kama sutra book. Do you have any lube at your place? Do you do yoga?” Make sure she gets that you’re obviously joking, or you might weird her out.

One Girl Sitting How many times have you walked by some gorgeous girl, sitting by herself, and wished you could go talk to her? There have been plenty of times in our lives that we’ve walked by incredibly attractive girls and not said anything, and totally regretted it for the rest of the day. Let’s talk about how to avoid that kind of regret from now on. This is going to be really fun for you. It also might be really scary because you’re going to be very, very direct. You’re not to spin her, or misdirect her, or ask her a question; nothing like that. You’re just going to tell her exactly how you feel, in the most powerful, masculine, seductive way that you can. During the daytime, when you join someone sitting down, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of automatic rapport with that person. It’s a low energy environment, and that kind of thing is expected. This time, instead of

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WHAT TO SAY breaking that pattern, I want you to play off of it, amplify it and develop something really deep and powerful. Imagine you walk by a café and you see a girl inside, sitting by herself reading a book or something. Walk in and sit down with her. Across from her is okay, 90 degrees to her is better, but the ideal position is right next to her. You aren’t going to ask for permission to sit down. You’re just going to do it. Pull up a chair if you need to. If she’s working on something, she’ll forget all about it when you start talking. If she’s busy eating, oh well…. She just picked a really inopportune time to eat. Right as you sit down you’re going to switch straight into a deep, powerful seduction voice. This is the booming kind of voice that comes from your belly, not your throat. Then you’re going to look her deeply in the eyes and say exactly what’s on your mind. Something along the lines of, “I was walking by and I looked in here and I saw you, and I had to come in and meet you because you’re incredibly beautiful.. What’s your name?” That’s it. You’re being completely straightforward and direct in every way possible.

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WHAT TO SAY I want you to look at her directly in the eyes the whole time you’re doing this, and I want you to say it slowly and powerfully, without hesitation or doubt. Don’t be too loud because she’ll feel self-conscious if she thinks everyone else can hear you, and she’ll be nervous enough already. But don’t be too quiet, or you’ll sound soft and apologetic, and you want to come across very strong when you do this. This is a very, very powerful thing to do, and it makes a lot of guys really nervous to even consider doing this. Because it’s so mind-blowingly direct, there are only a few situations in which you’d be really successful meeting women this way. This is one of them. Look at her directly in the eyes and deliver this with complete sincerity. Say “I absolutely had to come talk to you,” like it was outside of your control; you were driven by fate. Her heart is going to be in her throat. She’ll be super, super nervous, feeling butterflies everywhere. During the daytime, that kind of pressure right off the bat is okay. You want to create that struck-by-fate situation. If you try this at nighttime, you’ll get big-time resistance from women because they’re expecting this sort of thing. It will seem like a rehearsed pickup line. Also, this is a chill, low-energy type of approach that isn’t really suited for a high-energy, dynamic environment. But during the daytime, in a place that’s quiet and serene, you’re going to come striding along like some knight in shining armor; her Prince Charming. This is also incredibly simple and efficient. When you walk up to a girl and introduce yourself to her in such a powerful way, you are demonstrating extremely high value. You’re drawing her in with eye contact and dominance. You’re telling her why you like her (qualifying). In fact, you’re done with the entire phase of attraction when you say this one sentence. You can go from there straight into rapport. You don’t need to flirt or banter, or build any more attraction. You can feel free to relax, relieve some of the pressure you just created, and naturally get to know each other (there’s a lot more on this, including a Rapport Formula, in the “Creating Love” section of the Tao of Badass).

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WHAT TO SAY Two Girls Walking You’re going to use the same buzzer method with two girls walking, but you’re going to be a little more direct because they will feel safer and more comfortable together than if they were alone. This is very similar to buzzing in with one girl. First, you put your hand out and get their attention. If they were walking toward you, you want to stop them and talk, and face them both directly. You don’t want to turn and create an “us-bubble” because it will feel like you’re excluding one of the girls, and she’ll resist you. If they were walking the same way as you, you can turn shoulder-to-shoulder and walk with them. I wouldn’t do this much if they were walking toward you because it will seem like you’re following them, which puts you in a submissive position. Once you get their attention, you want to start shamelessly flirting and being playful, as in, “You girls are super cute. I have to go in a second, but I just wanted to talk to you for a minute and see who you are and see if you’re awesome.” You’ll either stop them or catch up to them from the side, buzz in just to get their attention, and say something like “I’m just wondering where we’re walking because I’m obviously hanging out with you cute girls because you’re awesome.” Straight-forward, silly, and fun. This is great for role-playing. “Where are you taking me?” is a good banter line, like these two women are abducting you. Or you can just assume you’re a part of the group and ask “So where are we going?” You usually want to give a compliment during this process. “You girls are super cute. Look at your smile. I can’t help but smile looking at you.” You might also use another misdirected joke in this situation. If you have a smart phone or a map, stop them and fake like you need directions before flirting. Say, “Hey, excuse me. I was wondering if you could help me, I’m just trying to find… a good reason talk to you girls because you’re really cute.” Or, “Hey do you guys know where Starbucks is? Actually I don’t care, I just wanted a reason to talk to you because you’re super cute.” Being direct and shameless like this is my favorite way to get girls swooning over me during the daytime. Note: You do not want to buzz-in up the middle, in between two girls when they’re walking. You want to come around on the side, and not the

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WHAT TO SAY purse side if you can help it. If you can’t avoid the purse issue, you can exaggerate your non-threatening nature by getting a few steps ahead of them and then turning and slowing down until you’re walking with them at the same speed.

Two Girls Sitting Down Remember that with two girls sitting down, the dynamic will be completely different depending on if they’re in deep rapport or not. However, it’s a lot easier to interrupt that rapport during the day. If you walk by and see two girls sitting at a table somewhere, you’re going to walk in and sit down at an adjacent table, someplace nearby. From that table you’re going to shamelessly flirt with them out loud, so people can hear you, in front of everybody. This is powerful and dominant because you’re unafraid of people hearing you. Every approach you make like this that’s really direct requires a lot of balls, and that’s a really attractive thing to women. That’s right, balls are attractive to women. Write that down. Have fun with this. Tell them they’re looking sexy. Tell them that you had to come flirt with them. How could someone not want to talk to them? How do they get anything done looking so good all the time? Don’t guys hound them all day?

Groups of Women With larger groups of women during the day, you don’t have to respect the dynamics as much because they’ll feel safe in a group and have many people to talk with. So, what you can do here is single one girl out in this group and flirt with her shamelessly. This is the only time you can start to single women out in groups and flirt with them. You still have to be comfortable talking to the rest of the girls, but in this case it usually works really well to just go straight for the one you’re attracted to and shamelessly flirt with her. Very straightforward. Something you can say might be, “Whoa, you’re my new girlfriend. You’re awesome. Where are we going?” Look around at all her friends and go, “Holy crap. You’re all my new girlfriends. You’re all gorgeous. I’ve died and gone to heaven.”

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Note: You don’t want to stop a group of women who are walking toward you. They have too much forward momentum, and trying to stop them will take a lot of work. You can lose a lot of the girls in the process and create a lot of aggravation. Instead, you want to join the group wherever they are going and flirt with them. Anytime you enter a group of two or more women during the daytime, you’re essentially going to be the gregarious, flirtatious guy: a little bit loud, very charming, very straightforward and direct. You’re not overly sexual, just very complimentary in a lot of ways. You’re allowed to use cheesy pick-up lines if you want, because in this dynamic, it’s going to be obviously funny, and they’re going to laugh. If you ever get intimidated by talking to groups of girls, remember the power of distracting yourself. Allow yourself to be up in your head, thinking about random things, and then spontaneously start flirting when you see the girls, so you haven’t had any time to think about it and get nervous.

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WHAT TO SAY Let’s say you have three or more women standing at a crosswalk during the daytime. You could use a form of misdirection here, on them and on yourself. Instead of trying to run up and chase them down and talk to them, you will be catching them when they’ve stopped walking. I would run up and hit the crosswalk button, and then I would stand there for a second not looking at them. You’re in front of them for a moment, and they’re noticing you without you noticing them, because you’re distracted. You’re up in your own head. Hit the button, stand there for a second and then turn and say, “Whoooaaaa. Look at all these hot girls. Where did you come from? What are all your names? Are you going to the dentist too? So am I.” Make good use of straightforward, gregarious flirting. “Oh my God, I’ve just died and gone to heaven. I didn’t know we were having a slumber party, I’ve got to call my mom and let her know that I’m not going to be home tonight. Can we stop by CVS and get a toothbrush? I didn’t bring mine.” Really silly stuff. This won’t work with one girl. One girl by herself is going to think, “whoa, slow down, I don’t know you.” But with several girls, they’re not going to think you’re serious when you’re saying you’re going to sleep with all of them tonight. And you’re hitting on them in the middle of the daytime at a crosswalk in the street. It’s so outrageous, it actually gets a positive response. The same thing applies with a group of women sitting down, only you need to be sensitive to any of them who are in rapport, which many of them will be during the day. If I have nothing else to say when I walk into a place during the day, and girls are sitting down at a table, one of my favorite banter lines is, “Holy crap. My horoscope said this was going to happen.” They’ll say, “What? What’s going to happen?” to which you reply, “That I was going to run into four really cute girls and they were going to laugh at everything I said and think I was awesome and charming.” No one is going to expect this, I promise. And that’s why it works so well.

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WHAT TO SAY Mixed Groups Approaching mixed groups during the daytime is probably the most advanced scenario I can think of. It takes a bit of social engineering and finesse in order to make it work. You typically will have a guy (or several guys) leading a bunch of women around. In his mind, that guy is the leader of this group, and if you step in right away and start trying to lead, you’re going to get a lot of resistance from him. He’s going to try to cheese you up and be a dick, and the girls aren’t going to leave him because he’s the leader, which means they’re going to have to reject you. If the group is out during the day time drinking and having a crazy good time, you can integrate into the group in a similar way to what we discussed for mixed groups at nighttime. But, usually it’s not going to work out that way, and integrating with them is very difficult, if not impossible. But, you can introduce yourself, get someone’s number and then meet up with them at nighttime, where you’ll know exactly what to do. To get into a mixed group like this, you have to come in seeming like you’re supplicating. I know that’s weird and I wouldn’t normally advise it, but in this case, it’s necessary just to get your foot in the door before it gets slammed on you. You are actually going to use value dynamics to make it seem like you are less valuable than you are. Essentially, you’re going to come in asking for help. You can approach by saying “Hey, I want to ask you a question because you guys look like you know what you’re doing.” Involve the leader in this process. If you’re in a new place you’ve never been to before, it could be, “Hey, I don’t live here. I’m just visiting, and I don’t want to waste my night and go to some BS place. What are the cool places to go around here?” That’s it. Keep talking to them for a little while and get an answer out of them. Another really great question to ask in a mixed group is, “How do you all know each other?” Once you connect and get some back-story, you can say, “Hey, if you guys are going out anywhere later on, let me know. I’d love to meet up with you guys and hang out.” Then you lock something down for later.

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WHAT TO SAY To lock something down for later, start by asking, “I want to go to a bar later on. Where do you think I should go?” This is a great question because if they happen to be going out together later, they will tell you the bar they’re going to and you’ll have people there you already know. Once they give you a recommendation for a bar, get the phone number of the guy who’s leading the group. You can say, “Look I’m going to go to this other place tonight. I’m going to get there a little bit early. I’ll text you and let you know if it’s cool, if it is cool you guys should swing by.” Now you’ve got the number of the leader, the one who’s calling the shots on where the group goes. You’ll be able to integrate later that day or later on that week, but probably not right then. That’s the best chance you have of actually being able to infiltrate that group and attract the women you want.

Propinquity Propinquity is a term meaning social proximity. It means that women are much more likely to date men who are already accepted within their social group. If a woman has to leave her social group in order to date a guy, she has to overcome a lot of social barriers and pressure and usually won’t want to do that. So what do you do? You join every social group you can. Every group you run into and connect with, you join, and you will increase the number of available women for you to date exponentially. Badass tip: Whenever you’re talking to a waitress or bartender, one of the best questions you can ask is where the food service industry nights are. Just ask them “Where do all the other servers and bartenders go to drink?” Usually there’s one night, industry night, when all the servers and bartenders go out to socialize. Typically it’s once a week on an offnight like Sunday or Monday. Once you know where industry night is, you should make a point to go there and socialize with everyone. The waitress that you were talking to

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WHAT TO SAY is probably going to be there, and she won’t be in work-mode so you’ll be able to connect with her as more than just a customer. This is great because service industry people can be very cliquey – they only hook up with each other and consider ‘customers’ off-limits, part of a different world. This is also great because industry night is the Mecca of free drinks. When you start to befriend all the bartenders and servers in a particular area, whenever you go out to any of their bars, you’ll get hooked up big time. You’ll position yourself as an insider, and you’ll have insider value at every bar in town. If you do start getting hooked up, you absolutely have to tip well, that’s one of the unspoken rules. They live off tips. When I was a bartender, I used to blow my tip money every week on five drinks at one place. I would tip really well, and then they’d all come to my bar and tip really well. I would end up getting a whole lot of people tipping me back, and I’d make more money because I tipped so well in the first place.

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10. What to Say When… Meeting Women at Night • One girl dancing – The Spin of Destiny Put out your hand, and when she takes it, spin her around. Then, turn your back for a second and look over your shoulder. Smile and start dancing with her. This is playful and starts off the interaction by gaining compliance and balancing positive/negative body language. • One girl sitting – Create an “us-bubble” Pull up a chair next to her and point out something across the room. “Hey, what do you think of those two?” She will feel isolated sitting alone so you want to make her comfortable and become her ‘home base’. • One girl standing • Indirect – be the Social Ambassador Start a conversation with someone random, then tap her on the shoulder, step back, and seamlessly turn it into a 3-way conversation. You will be the attractive, cool guy who knows everyone, and she will feel comfortable right away. • Direct – Castling and Locking In Take her hand, and, as you spin her, smoothly switch places. You will steal her spot against the wall or bar, ending up in the power position. From there, shamelessly flirt and role play: “I stole your spot! Are you flirting with me? Do you always pick up guys like this? I’m not that easy. I’m hard to get.” This is ballsy and playful, she’s not used to it happening, and you come across as very confident and fun.

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WHAT TO SAY • Two girls dancing • Double spin Use the same spin move as you would with one girl dancing, but respect the dynamic between the two girls. Spin one girl, then the next, then start dancing and being fun and high-energy. If you have a drink, have one girl hold it while you spin the other, then switch. This is called a compliance test. • Cheers and woo Cheers them both and say “woo!” then start dancing. This is very simple and it matches the high energy of the dance floor. • Take photos Hand a girl your camera without hesitation and say “Hey, I’ve been looking for fun girls like you, let’s get a quick picture.” Do this playfully and with high energy or it won’t work. Have one girl take a picture of you and her friend, then switch, then get a bystander to take one of all three of you. Then start dancing. • Bump into them Casually bump into them, as if you weren’t paying attention, then flirt and role play: “Did you just grab my ass? Did you just bump me to try to get my attention? I’m so tired of girls trying to grind my ass on the dance floor…” MAKE SURE to be very gentle and controlled whenever you bump a girl! • Two girls sitting – first assess if they are in rapport or not! • In deep rapport – don’t do it! They will be facing each other, making strong eye contact, and having an intense conversation. It’s best not to approach right then because it will be very difficult. If you must, do it as a drive-by to warm them up for later. Pay them a quick compliment, handle objections so they know you only have a quick second and won’t be interrupting their serious talk, and then leave. Come back to them later when they are not in rapport.

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WHAT TO SAY • Not in rapport – spin one girl and steal her seat They will be sitting more open to the room, not facing each other with their legs or intensely talking. Walk up to one girl, preferably the more submissive one (if you can tell), and put out your hand. Don’t lean in or face her directly. When she takes your hand, lean back, smoothly pull her up, twirl her, and sit down in her seat. Be playful – “Ha, I just stole your seat” – then up and pull up a chair to join them. Respect the two-girl dynamic; you can’t ignore one of them! You can also move them around, tell them to move over, get up, etc. • Two girls standing – again, assess whether they are in deep rapport or not • In deep rapport – don’t do it! This is the same dynamic as with two girls sitting in deep rapport. Be very careful here… • Not in rapport – great! ▪▪ Indirect - use misdirection and compliance Have one of them hold your drink while you do something random like adjust your shoe. Then, take it back, say thanks, and start talking. This must be spontaneous, like you were distracted and didn’t even realize they were hot girls. ▪▪ Direct – use misdirection in a funny way Shift from a surprised look to joking around. Ex: “Oh my God it’s you two again! What are the odds?” Or, shift from a mad/skeptical look to joking. Ex: “I told you two to stop talking about me! I’m right here, stop talking about how awesome I am!” • Groups of Girls Dancing – Integration Merge one group with another. Create a fun, high energy group with easily approachable people, like a group of guys and unattractive girls you met during your warm-up period, and merge them with the group of girls you want to meet. Either open up a dance circle and widen it to include both groups, or otherwise create controlled chaos until both groups are inter-mingling.

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WHAT TO SAY • Groups of Girls Sitting Down • Indirect – Table Integration Sit at an adjacent table with another group, closest to the girls who are not in rapport, and turn to start talking to them. When you have most of the group’s attention, jump to their table or push your tables together. • Direct – Shameless Flirting Pull up chairs and join them. They will feel comfortable as a group, so direct flirting will work well. Say, “Hey, there’s a table of cute girls, let’s go sit with them. So are you girls in a band or something? Are you a basketball team? Is this your Twilight book club?” • Taking photos (in threes) Again, don’t ask for pictures, just put the camera in someone’s hand and make it happen. Ex: “Hey let’s get a picture with the band.” Get three pictures: picture one is normal, picture two is silly/goofy/gangsta/whatever, and picture three is sexy. The third picture is important because it takes the interaction to a sexual level in a safe and fun way. • Two or more girls standing up – walk up and join the group. These are the easiest girls to approach because they feel safe as a group. Walk up and say, “Hey, I’m going to hang out with you girls for a second because you look fun. You’re fun right?” Remember to make eye contact with everyone, balance your positive and negative body language, and don’t let anyone lose energy or drop out of the interaction (unless you want them to). • Mixed Groups • Come in as a follower, end up as the leader Turn off all sexuality at first and just be friendly – “Hey, you guys look fun, I’m gonna talk to you for just a second.” If they are sitting down, ask a few of them for permission to sit down. This is deliberately to avoid making enemies with any dominant guys who might resent your presence. You act submissive at first to get your foot in the door, then

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WHAT TO SAY once you’re into the group you start to assume a leadership role. Start moving them somewhere, introducing them to other people, being more dominant and leading. • Mayor Walking Walk through the group like a politician, “shaking hands and kissing babies.” Briefly meet everyone. Ex: “Hey, welcome! Hey, all right! Nice to meet you! Etc.” They will all assume you are someone important, like a promoter or owner, and just roll with it. Avoid “what do you do” questions until the effect dies down.

Meeting Women During The Day • One girl walking • Buzzing In ▪▪ Walking toward you – stop her and create an “us-bubble” Put your hand out (palm down), get her attention, and turn shoulder to shoulder with her. Point at something and start talking about it. Ex: “Hey, I’m trying to get to the subway station, is it that way?” It should be very smooth and coordinated, so she won’t resist stopping to talk to you for a second. Once she’s stopped without objection you can start bantering and building attraction. Make sure to time the buzzer right so you don’t scare her or provoke a recoil response. ▪▪ Walking with you – get her attention and walk with her. Catch up to her, and come around from the side, so she has time to notice you without being startled. Do this on the non-purse side! Then continue as noted above, walking with her in the same direction. • Direct Flirting Jog after her and use a funny misdirection joke like, “Hey, Matilda, Matilda!” When she tells you that isn’t her name, you say, “I know, but you didn’t tell me your name so I

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WHAT TO SAY had to guess.” Smile, start walking with her and flirting. Ex: “So where are we going? Your place or mine? Are you kidnapping me?” • One girl standing • Twirl her and put your phone into her hand This is hilarious, and she’ll take it because you are using compliance and misdirection. It’s also fun and playful, and will snap her out of her daytime pattern. Important note make sure you spend enough time talking with her, so she will actually remember you, or that phone number will be worthless! • Direct compliment This is a major pattern interrupt because no one does this during the day. It creates an amazing movie-moment. Ex: “I literally just saw you and I had to come tell you, you look amazing. What I noticed about you was…” • Misdirection joke Approach her in a way that plays off of what she expects, and twists it in a funny, flirty way. Example: with one girl standing at a bookstore, hand her a book to ask her opinion on it, and make that book something absurd like the dictionary. When she laughs, start shamelessly flirting. Ex: “So do you come here often? What’s your sign? You live around here?” This works because it’s a silly joke. It’s charming and could not possibly be mistaken for seriousness or creepiness. • One girl sitting – be incredibly romantic and direct Sit down with her, in a rapport position, and tell her “I was walking by and I looked in here and saw you, and I had to come in and meet you because you’re incredibly beautiful. What’s your name?” Hold strong eye contact and use a deep seduction voice. This difficult, but is extremely attractive and will give her butterflies. From there the job of building attraction is done and you can move straight into rapport.

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WHAT TO SAY • Two girls walking • Buzzing In ▪▪ Walking toward you - buzz in and stop them Same as stopping one girl, but you can be more direct because they will feel more comfortable together. Don’t create an “us-bubble” this time. Make sure to face them both directly so one girl doesn’t feel excluded. ▪▪ Walking with you – buzz in and walk with them Approach from the side, get their attention and shamelessly flirt. Ex: “You girls are super cute, I just wanted to catch up with you for a minute and see how awesome you are. Where are you taking me? Look at your smile, you’re so cute. Where are we going?” Again, avoid buzzing in around their purses! ▪▪ Misdirection Joke Use your phone or map for playful misdirection that plays off of what they expect during the day. Ex: “Excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me find… a good reason to talk to you because you’re super cute.” Or: “Can you tell me where Starbucks is? Actually who cares, I just needed a reason to say hi because you’re freaking beautiful.” • Two girls sitting down – Shameless Flirting Sit down at an adjacent table or seat and shamelessly flirt with them. Do it loudly, so it’s clear that you are bold and unafraid of people overhearing. Ex: “Wow, how could I not sit here when you girls are so cute? How do you get anything done looking so good all the time, don’t guys hound you all day?” Or: “Holy crap, my horoscope said this was going to happen!” When they ask “what?” you say, “That I was going to meet two cute girls who would love me and laugh at my jokes and think I’m awesome.” Smile and be spontaneously playful, not creepy or rehearsed. • Groups of women (standing, walking or sitting) - Shameless Flirting

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WHAT TO SAY They will feel safe in their group, so direct flirting will go really well. Ex: “Whoah, you’re my new girlfriend. You’re awesome, where are we going? Holy crap, you’re all gorgeous. Ok, you’re all my new girlfriends, where are you taking me? Are we having a slumber party? Can we stop by CVS because I forgot my toothbrush.” No one expects this, which is why it works so well. If they are walking somewhere, walk with them, because it’s too hard to stop them all at once. • Mixed groups (standing, walking or sitting) – Integrate with a need for help Just like at nighttime, you want to be submissive at first, so the guys don’t feel threatened and they allow you in. Ex: “You guys seem cool, know of any cool bars around here for later?” Get the number of the leader and meet up with them later. Remember that girls are much more comfortable dating within their social groups, so it’s a good idea to join as many social groups as you can!

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11. Pulling the Trigger

S

o once you’ve built up all this attraction, what do you do with it? She’s smiling and enjoying your company. You’ve been flirting, touching, and having a great time, but if you don’t know where to go next, all that attraction you just built will fizzle out. Her eyes will start wandering, her responses will get shorter, and eventually the fun vibe you worked so hard to capture will die out. She’ll say it was real nice meeting you and leave. Or make an excuse: “I have to go to the bathroom, be right back.” Ten minutes later, you see her across the room, laughing with some other guy. Any of this sounding familiar? In order to prevent this from happening, you need to know how (and when) to pull the trigger and shift phases from attraction to rapport and seduction. You’ll dial down the silliness and flirting and show her that you have a deeper side to your personality. You’ll stop acting so much like a fun little boy and start to act like a friend, and eventually, a man. This is the final stage of attraction. We’ve talked about all the other stages: getting ready, walking in, warming up, and meeting women. The final one is pulling the trigger. You want to shift the interaction into rapport, typically some place where the two of you can be alone. At nighttime, your goal is to isolate; to get her away from the crowd where you can connect with each other on a deeper level. This is after you’ve already created attraction and everything is going positively. During the day, you want to take her on an instant date; somewhere you can sit down and go into rapport. I’ve broken each of those down into several steps, but in both cases, the first thing you need to do is to qualify her.

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WHAT TO SAY Qualifying If you don’t understand qualification you are missing out on something huge. Most guys think that once they have a girl laughing and enjoying their company, they’re home free. This is why most guys suck at this. If you’ve ever had a girl you thought was totally into you, laughing at your jokes and giving you tons of positive body language, leaning in, touching, etc… and at some point the attraction fizzled out, she got awkward, and “went to the bathroom,” it’s probably because you didn’t qualify her. Qualification is the glue that makes attraction stick. It takes all the attraction you just built and solidifies it; keeps it from falling apart. And it is the number one thing guys don’t understand about talking to women. Remember the cat/dog analogy. Cats want a chase; they want what isn’t easy to have. You have positioned yourself as the prize, and in order for the attraction to stick, she needs to feel like she’s winning you over. You do this by qualifying. This means showing her that she has made an impression on you in some way and that you like her because of that. Specifically, that you like her for something unique; not just the fact that she’s hot, which is what everyone likes her for. You’ve already gone through some joking around and bantering and now you want her to chase you a little bit. You want her to invest. There are a few different ways to do this, all of which are covered in the Tao of Badass in greater detail, so I’ll just breeze over them here. The simplest way is to recognize when a woman starts naturally qualifying herself to you. This is when she starts to sell herself to you, usually by throwing in non-sequiturs that seem like bragging. She’s trying to impress you with something about herself. Most guys find this a huge turnoff, but it’s actually a very good thing. Women only naturally qualify themselves to guys they really, really want to win over. She’s basically trying to find a reason for you to like her; a reason that she can accept. Usually, this is a reason other than her looks. Maybe she needs you to

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WHAT TO SAY think that she’s intelligent. That’s the thing she feels is most valuable about herself. Whenever you notice that a woman is qualifying herself to you, accept her for whatever quality she is trying to impress you with. All you have to say is “that’s really cool, I like that.” If she doesn’t qualify herself naturally, you want to find a reason to qualify; a reason to accept her. One way is called the questions qualifier. The questions qualifier is a question to the effect of, “What are your three most positive dominant qualities?” This is interesting because she will respond by telling you the three things that she wants you to like about her. She will think to herself, “What could I say right now that will make this guy like me?” and then rattle off three qualities about herself. If you just accept those three things, you’ve qualified her. Another way to qualify is called the self-fulfilling prophecy qualifier. You will state a quality that you want her to have, as if you assume she already has it. To give you an example, you might say to her, “I don’t know if other people say this to your or not, or if you’ve heard this before, but I get a feeling when I’m around you that you’re really open, and that makes me feel really comfortable. Like you’re open to trying new things, you’re open to having new conversation. I feel really comfortable, and to me, that’s really rare and I really appreciate it a lot. It makes me feel happy.” You’re essentially stating something that you hope is true about her or that you want to be true about her and then accepting her for that thing. This invokes the power of consistency, which is a pretty powerful psychological trigger. Just by accepting your statement, a person will now feel compelled to act in that way around you. They will need to act in a way that’s consistent with the quality they just agreed they have. If I said, “I really like being around you because you’re so in control and you take charge so much,” even if you don’t really believe that about yourself, you’re going to act that way when you’re around me. That’s what you’ll want to do. When you tell a woman that you feel comfortable because she’s so open all the time to trying new things, she will start to assume those qualities. This is a more advanced qualifying process.

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WHAT TO SAY Nighttime - Isolation The Frustration Once you’ve qualified a girl, you don’t need to spend any more time bantering and flirting; you need to isolate her. “The Frustration” is the best way I know to start doing this. When you’re trying to get a girl to go somewhere else and be alone with you, you need to have a reason why. You can usually have one of a few different reasons why you want to move with her, and they are: 1. You can’t hear her. 2. It’s too crowded/there’s too much going on. 3. You’re tired of standing up. Those are the three most common frustrations you’ll have. You just need plausible deniability. You need a reason to get her away from everyone else to be alone. It doesn’t have to be a very good reason; it’s just a reason that kind of makes sense, enough for her to say okay and do it.

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WHAT TO SAY The delivery of this frustration is very important. You have to be expressive with your face during this process. As she’s talking to you, after you’ve qualified and you’re having a conversation, you want to furrow your brow and to point to your ear. That’s the universal expression for “I can’t hear you.” When it’s loud, a lot of guys will lean over to talk to girls. This is called “pecking” and you should never do it. Instead, stand up straight and make her come to your ear. Then say, “I can’t hear anything you’re saying. Let’s go over here.” If you want to communicate “There are too many people” or “There’s too much going on,” you’re going to have a completely different kind of expression. That frustration is communicated with your eyebrows up, eyes kind of wide, and hands up, like “Whoa, there’s way too much stuff going on.” This also comes across when you fall back on your heels a little. You are communicating a sense of overwhelm. Then you say, “There’s way too much stuff happening. We need to go over here.” If it isn’t too crowded, this might not work. And if there isn’t a lot of noise, saying, “I can’t hear you” might not work. Then again, it still might. The truth is that most women don’t really care. She just needs a reason to go somewhere with you. She already likes you. You’ve already qualified her and solidified the attraction. She wants to hang out with you one-on-one. But she’s not going to make the move. That’s your job. Another good reason to express frustration is that you’re tired of standing up. This is physical. You inhale, and then furrow your brow while you’re inhaling. Then, on the exhale, you want to drop all your body language down to an almost slouching position. You’re essentially saying “I’m tired. Let’s go sit down.” This is a completely non-verbal sentence. You don’t have to say anything. You can just exhale, and she’ll get it.

The Journey In this process it is very, very important… that you don’t stop believing. It’s also important to use one particular technique called “cave-manning.” This is simple. You’re going to deliver your frustration, as in “I can’t hear

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WHAT TO SAY anything you’re saying, let’s go over here,” and as you say, “Let’s go over here,” you’re going to take her by the hand, and you’re just going to walk.

You’re not going to ask, “Do you want to go over here? Do you want to sit down? Is it okay if you go over here? Do you want to go in front of me? Is it okay if I hold your hand?” None of that stuff. You’re going to take her by the hand and lead her to where you want her to go. Assume that she’ll follow you, and she will. This is the modern-day version of clocking her on the head with a club and then dragging her by the hair back to your cave. Disclaimer: I do not condone clubbing a girl on the head and dragging her around by the hair. Unless she tells you she’s into that kind of thing…

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WHAT TO SAY The Setup When you get to the end of the journey, you want to find a place to sit down, if possible. Sitting down is much more conducive to building rapport than standing up. Find a couch or some chairs to sit down with her. Move things around if necessary. Take the lead on this because you want to set this up in a specific way. It’s ideal to sit down next to each other, at an angle. You want your knees to touch.

The closer you can get, physically, with the girl you’re sitting with during rapport, the better. The biggest mistake I see guys make in rapport is that they sit down across from the girl instead of sitting next to the girl. This leads to an awkward, “this is a proper dinner date” sort of vibe and makes it very hard to touch her in the ways you want to be touching her. And when you go into a rapport with a girl without touching her at all, you will usually wind up in the friend zone. You also don’t want to sit directly next to her because that presents another set of problems. From that position, if you want to give her

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WHAT TO SAY positive body language and face her more, what do you have to do? You have to put your knees really close together and twist your torso toward her. This is not only awkward and uncomfortable, but anytime your knees are really close, you are in a submissive sitting position. So you’re left with either turning toward her and appearing submissive, or sitting normally and not giving her enough positive body language. And in rapport, you’re going to start giving lots of positive body language, and physically escalating to a more sexual level. Escalating touch during rapport is very, very, very important. You’re going to escalate your touch according to what I call TLC: temporary, lingering, constant; in that order. In the beginning, you’ll have temporary touching, which lasts one to three seconds before taking your hand off. Lingering touch will last between three to seven seconds, and constant touch means moving your hand from one place to another without taking it off at all. If you don’t want to risk ending up in the friend zone with a girl you really like (which is a problem I hear from guys literally every day) you should start this process of physical escalation from the very first second you meet a girl. Now, if you can’t sit down with a girl to build rapport, you want to “lock in” against a wall somewhere. This is similar to the castling move I described earlier, where you end up leaning back in the power position. But this time, instead of spinning her and switching places, you’re just going to walk straight at the wall and lean back against it. You’ve got her by the hand the entire time, and when you lean back, you pull her in close to you. You take her hand and put it behind your back, so she’s wrapped around you as you’re talking. This is very intimate and it’s going to push the two of you over the edge and help rapport go very, very smoothly. It will also help you transition into seduction very easily.

Rapport and Beyond After the setup, the phase of attraction is complete and you’ll go into the next phases of interaction: rapport, seduction, and relationship

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WHAT TO SAY balance. Now the real work starts. In rapport, you have to know exactly how to access different parts of your brain to bring out certain emotions that she can connect with. You also have to know how to take one of those emotions and connect it to another one; take one topic and relate it to another one that can elicit the emotions you want to get from her. When you get good at rapport, you can start by talking about eggs and end up talking about dirty sex. I would love to talk about how to do this, but unfortunately, it’s outside the scope of this book. I do go into rapport in great detail in The Tao of Badass.

Daytime – Instant Dates During the daytime, pulling the trigger is going to be all about creating an instant date. Keep in mind that you’re pattern-interrupting as a major way of getting her out of her head and into the moment with you; to sort of wake up and get on board with your flirtation and attraction. To pull the trigger and solidify that attraction, you have to play off of that concept.

The Inspiration After you qualify her, you want to suddenly become inspired by what’s happening between the two of you. You’ll be in the middle of a conversation, and you will realize for the first time what you’re doing. You’re talking to her, everything is going great, she’s laughing and smiling, and you say “You know what? This is awesome.” This is called a “statement of what’s so.” You call out exactly what’s happening in the moment when it’s happening. Just call it right out. You might use a statement of what’s so to get her inside of your head, as in “I can’t believe that I’m standing here talking to you. I just met you, and I’ve been talking with you for 20 minutes on the street. This is amazing. This never happens to me. I’m just walking to the store to get something to eat, and I ran into you. This is amazing.” That’s the inspiration.

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If you don’t call that out, she won’t really recognize that this moment is different because you probably made her feel very comfortable in the first place and she’s not even thinking about it. She’s just enjoying the process. You have to all of a sudden pull it back and show her that this is not really normal. It doesn’t really happen. But it just did, and it’s amazing.

The Relocation After you make that statement of what’s-so, you want to relocate to somewhere more conducive to rapport. You are going to have an idea, all of a sudden, to go somewhere else with her immediately and continue this. Here’s how you want to present this: “You know what? I have a crazy idea. Let’s go over here and grab a cup of coffee real quick.” Notice that you aren’t saying “Let’s go have a cup of coffee together.” That’s very

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WHAT TO SAY different than grab a cup of coffee “real quick.” The “real quick” part is there to overcome objections. She’s going to want to come with you, but she’ll think “Where was I going? Should I go with him? Am I going to be late for something?” She’ll be thinking all these logical thoughts. You want this to feel very spontaneous, not logical or thought-out ahead of time. And you don’t want her to come up with logical reasons not to go, so you have to handle those objections ahead of time. Why let her talk herself out of having a great time with you?

The Conversation As soon as you get to where you’re going, order your drink and sit down, and get her phone number immediately. Say, “Before I forget, go ahead and put your number in my phone.” That’s all you have to do. Keep in mind, if you’ve qualified her properly and she came to sit down with you, she’s already basically said, “I like you,” so of course she’ll give you her number. Don’t ask for the number. Just assume that’s the case and tell her to put it in your phone (you should always get numbers like this, by the way).

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WHAT TO SAY Next, go through light, wide, and deep rapport twice, and only twice, while you’re talking with her. This is part of the rapport formula outlined in The Tao of Badass so again, I’m not going to go into too much detail on how to do that right now. But you need to go through that process twice. This solidifies what just happened. It makes it real for her. If you don’t solidify the connection you just made, when she goes home it’s going to feel like a fairy tale to her. She’s going to start waking up out of it and will then walk back through it in her memory and start to tear it apart so that it’s not magical anymore. You don’t want that to happen. You want this to stay magical. If you build rapport and go through that cycle twice, you’ll solidify everything you just did, and she will answer the phone, respond back, and be really excited to talk to you again.

The Separation Finally, you’re going to separate. Even though it’s going really well, you have to break it off. Here’s what I want you to say to her: “Look, I’m having a great time but I really have got to get going right now. But before I go, I want you to promise me that we’re going to do this again.”

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WHAT TO SAY This is very powerful. You just swept a girl off of her feet and built this great rapport with her, and now you’re leaving. She’ll say “I promise.” She’s going to be happy to say that of course. As soon as you leave, you’re going to text her. You’ll say bye and hug her, and as you walk away, you’ll start texting this: “That was fun .” That’s it. She’s going to respond back immediately and say something like, “I know. It was so great.” She’ll still be caught up in this whirlwind of flirtation, excitement, and happiness. She’ll be really happy she met you. That doesn’t normally happen to her. “That was fun” will open up the texting back and forth. Important note: Never build rapport over text. I had to learn this the hard way. Lots of guys don’t know this, but it’s a huge deal. This is because touch is crucial to building rapport, and you can’t touch her over text. If you build rapport over text, nine times out of ten you’re going to fall in the friend zone, because you can’t anchor that trust to physical attraction or sexual attraction. Keep that in mind, and only use texting to banter, make her smile, and most importantly, as a necessary tool for getting her out to see you again. The next time you see her, you’re going to go straight into attraction again briefly, bantering and being fun, and then back into rapport. From there, you’re going to go through rapport and then transition into seduction.

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12. Conclusion I’m going to be really, really honest with you right now. You should not believe anything you just read. Not until you actually go out and try it, that is. That’s what I did, and you need to as well, because until you actually put this attraction knowledge into action, it’s nothing more than a collection of interesting ideas on a page. Everything in this book is the result of years and years of social experimentation. I tried everything hundreds of times, hundreds of different ways. I deconstructed every interaction I had and took apart every method I used until I could understand how it worked. Then I finetuned it and put it back together into a finished product, the result of which you just finished reading. I know from experience that everything you just read works. But you need to know it from experience too. When you start to apply the knowledge you’ve just learned, I want to hear how it goes for you. I absolutely love hearing from my students when they get the results they’ve always dreamed of getting. I have hundreds of badass success stories in my inbox. They are the primary reason I do what I do. I want to share a few of those stories with you, to give you an idea of the results you can get when you fully commit to this process. I had the pleasure of seeing one of my students turn from a shy guy who had no idea how to get out of his shell, to an absolute social machine. Everything changed for him when he realized he was skipping over the fundamentals, and he realized that attraction begins before a girl even sees you, when you’re getting ready.

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WHAT TO SAY He related this story to me... One night, before he went out, he made a “hot stuff” playlist (Lil Wayne, Kanye, Jay Z, Black Keys, etc…). He was laughing and joking with his buddies on the way to the bar, just getting into a talkative mood. He showed up completely in-state and ready to be a social badass. Right when he walked in, he pumped his state even more with a dumb joke he was saving just for that purpose (“so a baby seal walks into a club…”). Then he immediately started talking to people and giving highfives. He was running the room, doing the Bar Walk and throwing out drive-by compliments to everyone, like “Hey, you’re awesome, I’ll be right back!” “Hey, you girls are super cute, remind me to come back and flirt with you in a second!” He said he felt something different that night, something he had never felt before. Like there was this awesome vibe filtering through the crowd and he could tell everyone was sort of looking at him. He went overboard on the warming up, just because he was nervous to talk to the really hot girls. He maintained strong eye contact with everyone he talked to, despite his nerves, and walked around with dominant body language – head up, shoulders back, standing tall. He became the social ambassador of the bar, talking to guys, unattractive girls and bartenders, and once he met a few people, he started going back and introducing them all to each other. Some girl asked him if he was a promoter, because she didn’t understand how else he could be so popular. 45 minutes into the night, he was absolutely on fire. He felt completely fearless and in control, like the bar was his domain and he could do whatever he wanted. He had noticed, earlier, this gorgeous girl standing by the bar. Tall, blonde, tight dress… absolute bombshell. Guys had been coming up to her all night and buying her drinks, and she had been smiling politely, taking the drinks and then turning her back on them. When he noticed her again he said he felt this boldness come over him, like he just knew exactly what to do.

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WHAT TO SAY He walked straight up to her, got her attention, then took her hand, twirled her and stole her seat at the bar. He still had her by the hand so he pulled her in close to him and said “so are you going to buy me a drink now or what?” He was so scared to do this, he thought she was going to slap him or get angry, but instead something weird happened… she loved it! They started teasing each other and role-playing, like she was trying to hit on him and pick him up. He thought she might be a crazy, bitchy ice queen, but she was actually really fun. She started to talk about how hot and in-demand she was, and how annoying it was having all these guys trying to buy her drinks (humblebragging), and he realized she was qualifying herself; trying to impress him. So he qualified her – “You know, I guess you are pretty cool” – and he realized it was time to pull the trigger. So he acted frustrated, like he couldn’t hear her through the noise, took her by the hand, and led her over to a couch. They sat down next to each other and she leaned into him a little. He followed the rapport formula and she started opening up to him, telling him about her protective older brother, and which cartoons she watched as a kid, and that she hated the way her eyes looked without makeup. He told her about being a theater geek in high school. He kept escalating things physically while talking, and looking her deep in the eyes, and about ten minutes later she was climbing on top of him. When his friends came looking for him later, he was in the corner making out with the hottest girl in the bar. And this was a guy who hardly ever got bar make-outs with any girl, period. After 30 minutes or so things were getting pretty hot and heavy, so he just took her by the hand again and led her straight out the door, into a cab, and back to his apartment. He emailed me a few days later to say it was literally the best night of his life, and he couldn’t wait to go out and do it all over again.

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Another one of my students had a much different personality. He absolutely hated going to bars, so meeting women during the day was more appealing to him.

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WHAT TO SAY This is what happened to him after starting to put some of the material you just learned into practice... He woke up one day to that feeling that he desperately needed a day off, so he called in sick to work. He’s not normally a morning person, but as he was getting dressed he put on some upbeat music (Red Hot Chili Peppers) and it got him into a pretty good mood. It was kind of a rainy, overcast day and he walked down the street to get some coffee. On the walk there he did the eye-contact exercise I had taught him, and intentionally made eye contact with everyone on the street. He made sure to smile at anyone who looked at him, and he actually got a few cute girls to smile back, which felt pretty good. He decided it was a good time to try out the daytime warm-up process, so he got his social juices flowing by asking one or two guys for the time, and then asking a few girls where Starbucks was. This was weird for him to do because he already knew the answer, but of course, that wasn’t the point. He was feeling pretty good so he even threw out a few drive-by compliments: “Hey man, I like your shirt.” “Hey, cool style, I like that.” “Hey you know what, you have a really nice smile.” He walked into Starbucks feeling pretty damn awesome. He took a few steps inside, looked around, and caught this really hot brunette girl in the corner, kind of looking around. He thought she might have looked at him but he couldn’t tell, then she looked back down and continued reading her book. He got in line and ordered his coffee, and he was feeling great so he started bantering loudly with the baristas. “So how’s work going so far?” “Aren’t you just a little ball of sunshine.” He had the girls behind the counter giggling like crazy. He made a little more small talk while putting cream in his coffee, then he made his move. He walked over to that girl, grabbed a chair and pulled it up next to her, and then he looked her in the eyes and said the most emotionally honest thing he had ever told a stranger: “You know, I wasn’t going to come over here, but then I realized I’d regret it for the rest of the day if I didn’t meet you. You are absolutely gorgeous. What’s your name?” He was completely afraid but he knew he had to do it, and in retrospect he realized she was actually even more nervous than he was. She dropped her book, smiled, and told him her name.

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WHAT TO SAY They talked for a while and got to know each other. She turned out to be a grad student studying international relations, and lived in his neighborhood. He didn’t share a ton of details, but he did mention that for the entire conversation their eye contact created the most intense connection he had ever felt. They got along really well but he didn’t want to stay too long and ruin the vibe, so he took her number and made her promise to do this with him again. Later that evening, she made good on that promise and met him for a drink. Then another drink, and another. They were still having an amazing conversation over breakfast the next morning, at his place, when she made a confession: when he had first walked into the coffee shop, she had secretly been hoping he would come over and talk to her.

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Once you’ve successfully applied the knowledge in this book, your life is going to change dramatically. You will be meeting women everywhere you go, day and night. Bars, nightclubs, parties, coffee shops, farmers’ markets, grocery stores, shopping malls, in school, at work, next to you on airplanes, across from you on the bus, walking towards you on the sidewalk… literally anywhere and everywhere you go in life. A world of possibilities is about to open up for you, one that most guys never even knew existed. You are about to experience what it feels like to be truly free in your dating life, to have the power to be with whomever you choose and enjoy total control over your own happiness. I only teach guys who are 100% committed to doing whatever it takes to achieve this level of success. I’ve been a professional dating coach and relationship expert for a long time, and I’ve learned there are a lot of guys out there who love to talk about this stuff. Few of them actually walk the walk. If you’ve read this book and have made the effort to go out and make this entire process work for you, you are definitely one of the guys who gets it, so congrats man. You should feel like you have the world at your fingertips.

148 JOSHUA PELLICER

WHAT TO SAY Usually, guys that I teach who reach this point, who continue meeting people and expanding their social influence, realize that they now have a whole new list of problems. The kinds of problems that come from meeting tons of hot women, which are quality problems to have, trust me. They ask me questions like: • When do I go for the kiss? • How do I advance my interactions beyond just flirting, to sex, a relationship, and beyond? • How do I attract a girl I’ve known for a while and never made a move on, even if she’s completely put me in the friend zone? • Once I start meeting tons of women, can I date more than one at the same time without being dishonest, hurting feelings or creating any drama? • Once I attract that gorgeous woman I really want, how do I keep her happy and make sure she never cheats on me? If that’s not you, if this isn’t ringing a bell, no worries, man. You will do just fine with what you’ve already learned. The information in this book is more than enough to change your life and get you the kind of success with women you’ve always wanted. But if that does sound like you, if you’re not satisfied just yet and are starting to ask those kinds of questions, then you’re probably ready for the next level. I’ve been teaching guys like you how to reach the next level for almost ten years now, and let me tell you, you are asking the right things. Now, you and I have a lot more to talk about. More than I can cover in the scope of this book, which is why I’m giving you complimentary access to one of my video trainings that you can check out here: [Video] What The Media Is HIDING About What Women Really Want