what is the cause of thunder

WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF

THUNDER?

S THE

by Noah Haidle

OF

2W (doubling)

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Mter twenty-seven years on the same soap opera, Ada is starting to confuse her art and her life. But after so many years of acting, her art is her life. Haidle's poignant comedy brings us the hilarity of daytime drama alongside the harsher, but often equally funny, realities of life.

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"Out of the dross that is soap opera, Noah Haidle has spun -TheaterMania comic gold . .. ))

Also by Noah Haidle KITTY KITTY KITTY SATURN RETURNS VIGILS and others

DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE, INC.

08 90000

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I )IU\MATIST S

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PLAY SERVlCE IN C.

10

WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THUNDER?

Copyright © 2010, Noah Haidle

All Rights Reserved

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that performance of WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THUNDER? is subject ro payment of a royalry. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by me International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan­ Americall Copyright Convention, the Universal Copyright Convention, me Berne Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including without limitation professional/amateur stage rights, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all omer forms of mechanical, electronic and digital reproduction, transmission and distribution, such as CD, DVD, the Internet, private and file-sharing networks, information srorage and retrieval systems, photocopying, and the rights of translation inro foreign languages are stricrly reserved. Parricular emphasis is placed upon the maner of readings, permission for which must be secured from the Author's agent in writing.

For aLL the actresses 1 know

The English language srock and amateur srage performance rights in the United States, its territories, possessions and Canada for WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THUNDER? are controlled exclusively by DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE, INC., 440 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016. No professional or nonprofessional performance of the Play may be given without obtaining in advance rhe wrirren permission of DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE, INC., and paying rhe requisire fee . Inquiries concerning all orher rights should be addressed ro Creative Arrists Agency, 162 Fifm Avenue, 6th Floor, New York, NY 10010. Atm: Corinne Hayoun.

SPECIAL NOTE Anyone receiving permission to produce WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THUNDER? is required ro give credir ro the Aurhor as sole and exclusive Aurhor of the Play on rhe tirle page of all programs distribured in connection wim performances of rhe Play and in all instances in which rhe tide of rhe Play appears for purposes of advertising. publicizing or omerwise exploiting the Play and/or a production rhereof. The name of the Author must appear on a separate line, in which no orher name appears, immediately benearh me tide and in size of rype equal ro 50% of me size of the largest. most prominent lener used for the tide of the Play. N0lerson, firm or entiry may receive credit larger or more prominent than that accorde the Author. The following acknowledgment musr appear on me tide page in all programs distribu ted in connection wim performances of the Play in size of rype nor smaller than the smallesr credit afforded on such page: The world premiere of WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THUNDER'

was produced by the Williamstown Theatre Festival

(Nicholas Marrin, Artistic Direcrer) on July 22, 2009.

Z. SMITH REYNOLDS UBR,L\R'/

WAKE FOREST Ur+IVERSiT'I

WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THUNDER?

Copyrighr © 2010, Noah Haidle

All Right:s Reserved

CAUTION: Professionals and amareurs are hereby warned mar performance ofWHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THUNDER? is subjecr to payment of a royalry. Ir is fully prorecred under rhe copyrighr laws of rhe Unired Srares of America, and of all countries covered by rhe Internarional Copyrighr Union (including rhe Dominion of Can ada and rhe resr of rhe Brirish Commonwealrh) , and of all countries covered by rhe Pan­ American Copyrighr Convention, the Universal Copyrighr Convention, me Berne Convention, and of all counrries with which [he Unired Srares has reciprocal copyrighr relarions. All right:s, including wirhour limirarion professional/amareur srage righrs, morion picrure, recirarion, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasring, relevision, video or sound recording, all orher forms of mechanical, elecrronic and digital reproducrion , rransmission and disrriburion, such as CD, DVD, rhe Interner, privare and file-sharing networks, informarion storage and rerrieval sysrems, phorocopying, and rhe righrs of uanslarion into foreign languages are srricriy reserved. Panicular emphasis is placed upon rhe maner of readings, permissio n for which musr be secured from rhe Aurhor's agent in wriring.

For all the actresses 1 know

The English language stock and amareur srage performance righrs in rhe Unired Srares, irs rerritories, possessions and Canada for WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THUNDER? are controlled exclusively by DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE, INC., 440 Park Avenue Sourh, New York, NY 10016. No professional or nonprofessional performance of rhe Play may be given wirhour obraining in advance rhe wrirren permission of DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE, INC., and paying rhe requisire fee. Inquiries concerning all orher righrs should be addressed to Crearive Anisrs Agency, 162 Fifrh Avenue, 6rh Floor, New York, NY 10010. Arm: Corinne Hayoun. SPECIAL NOTE Anyone receiving permission ro produce WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THUNDER? is required to give credir to rhe Aurhor as sole and exclusive Amhor of rhe Play on rhe ride page of all programs disuibured in connecrion wirh performances of rhe Play and in all insrances in which rhe ririe of rhe Play appears for purposes of advenising, publicizing or orherwise exploiring rhe Play andlor a producrion rhereof. The name of rhe Aurhor musr appear on a separare line, in which no orher name appears, immediarely benearh rhe ririe and in size of rype equal ro 50% of rhe size of rhe largesr, mosr prominent lerrer used for rhe ririe of rhe Play. No!erson, firm or entiry may receive credir larger or more prominenr rhan rhar accorde rhe Amhor. The following acknowledgment musr appear on the ririe page in all programs disrribured in connecrion wirh performances of rhe Play in size of rype nor smaller rhan rhe smallesr credir afforded on such page: The world premiere of WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THUNDER?

was produced by rhe Williamsrown Thearre Fesrival

(Nicholas Marrin, Anisric Direcrer) on July 22, 2009.

Z. SMITH REYNOLDS UBR,l-\R'/

WAKE FOREST UNIVERSITY

2

WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THUNDER? received its world pre­ miere at the Nikos Stage during the Williamstown Theatre Festival, in Williamstown, Massachusetts, on July 22,2009. It was directed by Justin Waldman; the set design was by Alexander Dodge; the costume design was by Nicole V. Moody; the lighting design was by Jeff Ctoiter; the sound design and original music were by Fitz Patton; and the stage manager was David Sugarman. The cast was as follows: Wendie Malick Betty Gilpin

ADA OPHELIA, ET AL

CHARACTERS ADA: 50s. An actress.

OPHELIA: 20s. Her daughter.

SISTER FRANCES: A nun. Played by actress playing Ophelia.

HARPER: A nice girl who spends most of her time in a coma.

Played by actress playing Ophelia.

BATHSHEBA: Her evil twin sister. Played by actress playing

Ophelia.

UNNAMED CHILD: A girl not yet born. Played by actress playing

()phelia.

MAN WITH NO NAME: A man with no name. Played by actress

playing Ophelia.

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Wears simple blacks and a headset.

Played by actress playing Ophelia.

This is a play for two actresses in seven scenes.

PLACE New York City and various places in Ada's mind.

TIME Now.

A NOTE ON THE SETS: They don't have to be that good but Hot a joke either. The church in the first scene should in no way tip oil that it's part of a soap opera. And the apartment where they live should be hyper-realistic. Every inch of it real, not suggested.

4

5

WHAT IS THE CAUSE

OF THUNDER? Scene 1 :1 church with a big round stained glass window. Pews. . . .',.,.ious organ music plays as a prelude in the dark and gives liver to Ada's voice praying on her knees.

'II 'I

I'

I

i\ I )i\ . 1 heard and my heart pounded,

My lips quivered at the sound

I ) ( ' l ,I t crcpt into my bones,

And Illy legs trembled.

'l'llou)',1I rhe fig tree does not bud

'\11.1 thcn: are no grapes on the vines, " 'I1(1 II I',I! the olive ctop fails i\ lid tll C {'ields produce no food, Tlloli gh rhere are no sheep in the pen 1\ IIlI no cattle in the stalls, YI'S I wi ll rejoice in the Lord, Th e Sovereign Lord is my strength

, k llIakes my feet like the feet of a deer,

, It- cllables me to the heights

' :(Ii til1\ . He's still alive?

Il t\IU)I':R. Alive and talking and breathing.

i\ 1);\. What did He say?

I 1/\ It PER. He said go into this world fdled with His blessing and

1,-1\ till; people of His apology. AI >A. What is His apology?

IIAltPER. That He didn't make the world better.

AI )A. He might have done a bit better.

I IAIt PER. A bit better is what you say about your fmt kiss when hlind Thomas tried to taste my colon with his tongue.

13

And didn't the others make fun of me for three years for kissing him in the first place, which I only did out of pity. No one else would give Blind Thomas the time of day, let alone kiss him, and I felt so bad for him and let my lips be the first his touched. Never mind that now. The world will have to be sufficient as it is. I am the Lord's Trumpet! I am His vessel!

Let us go so I can preach the word of His Gospel.

ADA. Let's go.

1111111/, IWO lives at once. IIllId,' · 1

I

born grandchild. Illolltiis 1O enter the world.

"III ",,"I II II

011"" ', ,

lilli"

I'v, \." II \\,,""" 1'

1\ 1 ,1\ 11 ', ,1, ,\, \_ W "I

I IN I\( \ I ~ II I 111110 t 1,,1 ill

tI,,· slOpe of human history.

1\ 1) f\ 1,,1 \1 , \ .'1, .. " ,,1,1 III d"' .,, "I" .. Iil l already long since over. This is his tiny selfsame grave marked only hy I his IOllel y "(' 1111 HARPER. So, Momma, Bathsheba blew lip die post oll i, ". I, ,,11 twenty-two hostages, and is demanding :t pl:tll(' (0 V('lIn.wi.! . ADA. Why Venezuela? HARPER. They have no extradition tre,ny widl (hl' llllil,'" . . 1.11' , ADA. How could I have forgotten? HARPER. She will not rest until I am dead. ADA. Then we must take care of her oLlrsciv('s. HARPER. Take care of her? ADA. We must kill her. I will let the asp fly again! HARPER. But she is my twin sister! ADA. Twin sister or not she wants your blooJ. You don't have to do anything, my darling, JUSt SlaY aw;du', ,',I !I)' ",, \ of your coma, and I will take care of the rest. My hands are used to killing. You can do so many things with a pair of hands. You can shake people's hands, you can hold those YOIl low ' , (1 111;111 and so hard, and you can end another's life, it's not diU; cl,ll , W I III so fragile, just hold on until their breath leaves (heir bmiv. We are fragile creatures, Harper. You would like to think we are stronger than w(' arc. That our bodies might protect us from [he slin!!,s :\1111 .111 1'\\1, fi t outrageous fortune. But the skin. The body's largest organ. The skin is so soft. So permeable. I should have bound your sister's legs and lefl her ill til