Using NLP on Yourself - 10 - Course Action Manual
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Using NLP on yourself, to create more of the life you want is a huge area that we could write many volumes of material on. The fact is everyone who comes into the field of NLP is doing so for their own specific outcomes, and for the most part, are starting from different positions. Therefore there are no one-‐size fits all approach in terms of how you should use the technology. In fact one of the great things about NLP is you can use it as you please, it’s incredibly versatile. This “bootstrap” action manual is designed to compliment the video resources and get you to the point where you have the know-‐how and resources to use the patterns and attitude of NLP to improve your life. In the following pages you will find 25 distinct sections, summarized on a post-‐it-‐ note. Each post-‐it-‐note provides you with a key insight to help you create more of the life you want. Most conclude with a specific next step action to do. If you want to get good at using NLP on yourself then the rules are simple; Do the actions! We cover many topics including: -‐ -‐ -‐ -‐ -‐ -‐ -‐
How to cultivate the core attitude of NLP How to work with the techniques How to know what technique to use when How to use the technology to address questions of productivity, motivation and action How to think and train if you want to become really good with the technology How to get yourself unstuck How to be a master of your thoughts and responses
Master these areas and we can promise you that more of the changes you’d like to see appear in your life will start showing up, again and again. If you just read this manual and watch the videos passively you will come away with some great distinctions, but you life will be no different than before. And you don’t want that, do you? Living and breathing the technology – to benefit your own life – start here. So get your “state on” and we look forward to hearing how you get on. To your happiness and mastery, Tom and Michael
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There are between circa 30 or so organizing presuppositions in NLP1 that are the foundation building blocks of the technology. They exist, not because they are necessarily ‘true’, but because when embodied and operationalized, they act as powerful enabling filters in how we interact with the world. Many NLPers treat these are some kind of conceptual ideas, read them once and move on. They think they “understand” them, but the reality is when you treat the presuppositions as just concepts, you have no felt sense experience of them as a reality and so they have no impact on your life. This is error 101 for anyone looking to apply NLP to their life. Your first task on the journey of using NLP on yourself is to embody each presupposition over the coming month, bringing in whatever resources are necessary in order for you to assume that the presupposition you are using is ‘TRUE’ and ACT accordingly. Only then are you in the position to notice how it radically affects your orientation in the world.
1
Depending on the author.
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And affect it positively, it will. For example starting today adopt the belief that “The ‘map’ is not the territory”. Get that belief into your bones. Assume it is true and notice how it transforms your world. •
When this is ‘true’ for you, how would you think, feel and act in the world?
•
How does it affect how your think about misunderstandings you have?
•
How does it impact the ideas you have about yourself?
•
How does living from this presupposition affect how you deal with others who don’t share the same map as you, etc?
Fully adopt it and act ‘as if’ this were the ‘true’ way of being in the world. After doing this for 24 hours, remove that and try on the inverse of it, that the map IS the territory. Again notice how it changes the way you organize your perceptions and act in the world. In NLP we are the school of doing, not talking. So repeat this process each day for the coming 30 days choosing a different presupposition below – putting it ‘on’ and taking it ‘off’. Embodying the core presuppositions of NLP is the cornerstone to handing anything else that may come your way. It builds inside of you many of the attitudes and mindset of flexibility, resourcefulness and curiosity. All great attitudes to have. Before you start adopting each of the presuppositions below, first rate yourself on a scale of 1-‐10 (10 being totally congruent with my behaviour), as to how well you already embody each of these presuppositions. At the end of 30 days rate yourself again and continue adopting the presupposition, until you consistently score above 8 in each, as demonstrated by your behaviour. 1. The ‘map’ is not the territory. 2. People respond according to their ‘maps’, not to reality itself.
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3. People make the best choice they can at the time given the state they are in. 4. People work perfectly. 5. All human behavior is purposive or adaptive within some context, whether you can detect it or not. (This used to be written as “Every behavior has a positive intention” – the source of endless misunderstandings and whinings and re-‐blamings. This restatement is more to the point.) 6. Every behavior has utility and usefulness – in some context. (this is a corollary of #5) 7. The meaning of your communication is not simply what you intend but the response you get. 8. Meaning is context dependent. 9. Mind-‐and-‐body are inescapably linked, one affects the other and visa versa. 10. If you want to understand; act. The learning is in the doing. 11. We cannot not communicate. 12. The one who sets the frame for the communication controls the communication. 13. There is no failure only feedback. 14. The individual with the greatest choice of behaviors (range, flexibility in sheer numbers) controls the situation. 15. People have the internal resources they need to succeed. At the end of 30 days you should have tried out and ‘taken off’ each of the presupposition of NLP. Notice which seemed a ‘natural fit’ for you and which you need to develop the habit of embodying in the way you move through the world. Doing this assignment is one of the most powerful exercises you can do in NLP. Once your behaviour reflects the core presuppositions of NLP, it is time to turn our attention to the techniques…
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Learning or applying the techniques of NLP is the area that most new folks into the field want to learn more about. People tend to think there is some kind of magic to them, and often overcomplicate the process of how to use the techniques. The techniques are like recipes you can follow and many will help you re-‐wire certain responses in your mind-‐body. Using them is actually quite simple. Many books have been written covering the many techniques of NLP. Pick one and follow the process outlined within it. For example, if you get a copy of the Richard Bandler’s recent book “Get the Life You Want” work it through methodically, one step at a time. Apply what Richard guides you through. Everything you need is there, but what you have to release first of all, is that you can talk to yourself and that talking to yourself has anything to do with what's going to get you “well”. I've watched people who work with themselves and they'll sit there while they are trying to do a technique. For example a technique around visioning, making pictures, and while they are attempting to do that, they will talk to themselves saying: “Ah, it's not working, I hope this is going to work, I don't think it's going to work.” Realize that IS the work they are doing. The internal dialogue is the work. All that commentary is not commentary. It is the state that you are creating. And you've got to switch that stuff off. If you are talking like a mental chipmunk to yourself, that's the state you will induce and not some titanic state of motivation.
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NLP is not like a magic avoid-‐responsibility thing. It's about taking more responsibility. And taking responsibility, when you are working with the various techniques and methods, is what you have to do. Second thing, you can't be both the critic evaluator and the doer of the technique of the same time! When people screw it up, they usually screw it up because they are trying to run two states at once. They will go: “Alright, I’m going to do self hypnosis. I am relaxing a little bit. Am I there yet? No, I'm not so I guess this doesn't work.” This is Crazy, stupid. Crazy-‐stupid. That's what that is. It won't work! It never works. Yes. But... No buts. Yeah, if you think you're thinking and you are doing that, you are… well we have a name for that. Third thing to avoid is not using sufficiently intense representations. Pictures, sounds, etc. In other words, the content you are using and how you are using it, is not sufficiently gripping or motivating then your not going to get far with it. Action: Using the techniques of NLP is for the most part very straightforward. Assess how you have been using the techniques so far and identify if you have suffered from any of the 3 common errors outlined above. Most people who have difficulties with the techniques have. Make a commitment today to stop doing any “crazy-‐stupid” stuff. Instead simply DO the techniques, follow the process outlined by whichever manual or description you are following until you can apply them to any area of your life. There are tons of techniques that can help you change ‘limiting beliefs’, overcome ‘negative’ emotions, be more happy, live a better life etc. etc. Right now you only need to ask yourself: Do you have a clear idea of the kind of life you wish to be living? The simply truth is you can’t do it, IF, you keep doing the same stuff over and over that doesn’t work. Whatever the life you aspire for looks like, to get to there from here means you will need to make some changes. And this is where the technology of NLP can really help. But first let’s talk about your goals… Copyright NLPTIMES.COM, all rights reserved in all media.
This program isn’t a course about goal setting. There are hundreds of resources out there about goal setting. In fact, for most setting goals isn’t a problem, it is the getting to the goal that is. And we’ve got good ideas for that in store later on. But right now let’s take a step back before we rush down the streets of “achieving your goal” and talk about something more important. Sometimes people think that they want something where it is actually what they're told, or what that they have learned to want. The person is following goals and dreams that aren't theirs. They have been educated into them. For example, in the UK recently there was a study done. They asked sixteen to eighteen years old what they wanted to be when they were adults. And most of them responded they want to be celebrities. Big Brother style. That's pure education. It has nothing to do with anything other than they've been sold an image. But that image is disconnected. A lot of times, people know what they want to do, but somewhere along the line they forgot. Let’s ensure this doesn’t happen for you. Action: Take some time today to review your most important goals. Identify are they really your goals?, or have they been educated into you? Get to the essence of the motive behind your key goals. Ask yourself questions like: • •
Why do you want this goal? How do you know, you really want it?
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• • •
What factors influenced you “wanting” this goal in the first place? Have your actions to date been consistent with manifest that goal? If not, why not? What ‘truth’ lies behind your ‘story’? How does X goal lead to Y (expected/desired) outcome?
Play with these questions, and the others that will naturally come up in your mind when you start turning the spotlight inward and zooming in on the true nature of your goals. This will help flush out what is truly your goal vs. what you have been unconsciously following as a pattern, investing perhaps huge amounts of energy and resources. And perhaps for some of your goals you’ve been doing this for someone other than yourself, like there has been a need to do so, in order to gain some form of acceptance. If you discover a goal you have been chasing for many years is not for you and never was “your goal” then decide what is the right path for you to follow from here forth... There is immense freedom in striking a goal off of your list that was never really something you wanted, you just, for a time, thought you did. Your life can get a whole lot better when you are spending your time doing the things that reflect what you really want, based on your truest wants. Say yes to them. Then go get them.
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Did you know we are all experts. You, me, everyone. Every morning you get up you have certain things you do. Specific thoughts and patterns you repeat. We all do. If you want to have more choice, influence and power in your life, then start become aware of what repeated patterns drive your behaviour and then using any of a number of NLP processes to influence and shape them to help you achieve more of whatever it is that you want. Realize that you are always practicing something. Every moment of every day. For example, many people are not aware that even when they are walking around just chatting to themselves, commenting on what's going on and sitting around having their coffee and criticizing everything that is going on. That, that is practice. That's habituated practice. And if you are doing that, you are practicing, either being critical, or practicing feeling better. No amount of personal development feel good talk can get away from the fact that what you practice is what you get good at. Two quotes from James Allen, point you towards the path to how to have more of the life you want: “Man is made or unmade by himself. By the right choice he ascends. As a being of power, intelligence, and love, and the lord of his own thoughts, he holds the key to every situation.” “A man has to learn that he cannot command things, but that he can command himself; that he cannot coerce the wills of others, but that he can mold and master his own will: and things serve him who serves Truth; people seek guidance of him who is master of himself. “
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Bottom line is, if you want to have more of the life you truly want, then it starts with the moment-‐by-‐moment commitment to master your thoughts. Action: Figure out what story/behaviour/internal thoughts have you been practicing that don’t serve you and change it. We all have something – create a list of your top three un-‐serving habits – then make the commitment today that you will change them. How? There are several ways. Re-‐watch the video “how to rewire negative emotional responses” and use that pattern to deal with undesired triggered responses. Then put into practice any one or more of the five “how to deal with negative internal voice” to halt any unwanted internal voice. Build in a new strategy of hearing and seeing the behaviour that you want. Use the NLP SWISH pattern, outlined in any NLP technique book or online to start directionlising the brain about how you want to behave instead.
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Of course the natural question when you realize that everything you are doing is some form of practicing, is how do I change the habits I’ve established that don’t serve me? Well, for people who are stuck doing habituary things. Quite often, it can be a simple matter of reminding yourself what you want instead. Both Michael and I have used this process extensively. Michael said: “Many years ago I encountered the Lojong training in Tibet Buddhism. And in the approaches of mind training that they have. In one of the things that they used as part of the early Buddhist educational process is slogans. One of the principles is “Train with slogans”. Which is a slogan in itself. How could you use that? How could you create a very concise line that evokes the desired ritual or habit you want to cultivate? Sometimes questions are great for this. For example if somebody is not making good decisions about things, we will have them write on a big post-‐it note, one of those 4x6, or bigger post-‐it notes. In big letters:
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Who is the adult in the world? And then you stick it where you are working. Right where you have to look at it. Who's the adult in the room? And then every time you see the question, you train yourself. When you see the question, you check. Who is the adult in the room? If you are with more than one person check who is the nominated adult. There has to be at least one. If there is an adult in the room, then you can be a child. But, if you're on your own or if you are in a cubicle or if you are alone at home and you ask who's the adult in the room. And there's no other adult there, it's you. That means you're the one whose in charge. That means you're the one who has to make the decisions about what's good to do and what's not good to do. If you had children present, you think you wouldn't let them run around and do whatever the hell it was and stay on the Internet all of God's hours, would you? Of course not. Who is the adult in the room? This helps point us towards the reality that we are always responsible. Always. Whether we like it or not. Whose the adult in the room is designed to restore to you with humour, whose driving the bus… whose the one in charge? And it's you. Notice that this phrase doesn't tell you what to do. The phrase evokes a response. And through that response, you modify your behavior. If it's just cliches. We ignore those very very quickly. It's another post-‐it note. Who ordered this... Another question. “Who ordered this truck load of manure?” Once again, you have to check cause on most occasions you'll discover that you had a big hand in unloading that pile of manure. You got a pile of manure, your hand is on it.” Basically this process taps into the law of small behaviors. Behaviours that are repeated over time by repeating small actions over and over again can produce really big results. In fact every skill you have today is the result of typically thousands of repetitions in order for you to be able to do it unconsciously. Each time you do an action you brain records it as “that was a good one, keep that” and strengthens the network of nerve-‐brain-‐response potential. How will you use this principle to better your life today?
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Action: Purchase a deck of 4x6 or bigger post-‐it-‐notes. Create 2 slogans and 1 succinct question that ‘trigger’ you to start entraining more of the kind of attitudes, behaviors or thoughts processes that will greatly benefit your life. Write each slogan/question in BIG letters on a card. Keep them front of mind and in sight everywhere (this will require you to have multiple copies). A lot of times in our culture, we've forgotten that change is often a matter of repeating and aggregating results over long periods time. Let go of any expectation that everything to be instantaneous. Too many people have the idea that change is like a microwave oven, you just put something in and "BING", the bell goes off, and then there's the result. The secret that most folks wont tell you is that for the most part, people don’t work like that. Yes behavioral changes can be trained in to occur quickly, but unless you have the skill to know how to do that (which is a big topic and one we cover in the Platinum Audio News Club) and how a pattern of behaviour is habituated, re-‐wired and installed in someone, then use “a note to self” and keep it everywhere. When you are first training a new pattern in, use the post-‐it-‐note to trigger you STOP, pause and read the card and then figure out how you can act/demonstrate what is presupposed on the card. It’s kind of like a mini performance check. For example I (Tom) have many 4x6 notes around my office. One says: “What is essential?” Another says: “Simplify, less clutter”. And I have many others. They help keep me focused and are contextualized to various outcomes I have. It’s hard to ignore something that is right there in front of your face. You don’t need a fancy process to get great results. Simple tools used effectively can have a profound impact on your life.
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If you want to create more of the life you want then one component every person will need is ACTION! Every successful person knows in order to make something worthwhile happen -‐ someone has got to do something. The most common response you will hear people say is: “But I don’t have any motivation?” to which, if this is a common phrase you use, ask yourself… “What am I practicing?” Using NLP on yourself means using the toolset recursively on your own thoughts-‐feelings-‐behaviours to make life enhancing corrections and adjustments, so what you wish to experience and have in your life stars showing up more often. For example we’ve already covered the three most common obstacles that people experience when they try to apply the techniques of NLP to themselves but don’t. If you don’t have any motivation… which is to say you are not yet motivated enough to stop doing whatever it is you are currently doing (distraction activities) and START doing what it is you say you want, then rather than treating this as many folks we’ve meet do, that “mommy took my spoon away” start thinking and acting like someone how has been trained in NLP. Become curious.
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SHIFT your thinking. Rather than wondering “what is wrong with me?” or “I feel so bad that X hasn’t happened yet” etc. start focusing on discovering just how you are able to produce X feeling (e.g. jaded, apathetic etc.) and demonstrate the behaviour of “whenever I think of doing X I always/almost always do something else/put it off”. Once you have discovered how you are able to do it… what do you now need to do differently, in terms of how you represent the desired behaviour, what would you need to say and in what voice tones and from where and what states, when present, would evoke a feeling of action-‐urgency-‐compulsion to do it2?, etc. Use the NLP sub-‐modality contrast pattern to identify the critical sub-‐modalities that make the most difference for you when you instinctively do something naturally and easily. Then one by one change the “old way” of thinking about it until you match it with the new way, that is motive evoking. There are so many way you can use the techniques of NLP to better your life. Action: From this day forward, start using the technology of NLP on yourself to error correct and diagnose where you are and help build a bridge to where you want to be. There are many models and techniques you are use to get things going. Before you choose a technique to use, ask yourself: What is my desired state? How would I know when I have achieved it? (define this in behavioral sensory based words) What is my present state? What constraints or factors are currently stopping me from already having my desired outcome? What resources do I need to get me from my present state to my desired state?
What strategies, contacts, knowledge, skills are required?
What must be so in order for the present state to be transformed into the desired state? 2 Whatever “it” is… for example
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How should these be organized and prioritized? What’s my next action? By when will I commit to doing this? These are a sub-‐set of the well-‐formed outcome framework, but are enough to get you moving and take anyone from a place of inaction to movement towards their goals. The big error that many people make when they “try” to use NLP techniques on themselves is they have “muddled thinking”. You are likely experiencing this when: • • • •
You aren’t able to hold a clear representation of what you want Are confused about what is required Find yourself delaying or not taking action Are spending more time looking externally than trying to find an answer inside yourself
Everyone experiences this from time to time. Yet muddled thinking, left without any intervention by you, can result in months, years, even decades going by without any effective action to help you get what it is you want. Rather than wishing or hoping that someday, somewhere things will be more like you want them to be, use the toolset of NLP on yourself, to better your life. “Circumstances don’t make the man, they only reveal him to himself” Epictetus
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“OK, I am clear that the buck stops with me, that I am the adult in the room, that the technology of NLP is not a magic bullet but rather a “operating system” I can use in every area to continually improve my life. The question is how do I take action?” This one is simple – “JFDI” or Just f**king do it. Borrowing from the famous sneaker company. The notion of just doing it we add the, the modifier, "f**king" just f**king do it to indicate, that we have been dragging some what, we have been less than responsive to the needs of the moment. And the change in transformation is often simply a matter of doing something. It has nothing to do with how we feel. It has nothing to do with how motivated we are. It has nothing to do with whether we are “feeling bad about ourselves” or whether we are on top of the world. JFDI. That's life. Just f**ing do it! Enough said.
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Action: Where and how in your life can you inject the JFDI attitude into something that has been dragging? How has the idea that you need to feel a certain way before you can take purposeful action been costing you? There is huge power in just deciding you are going act, and then immediately and without any delay – ACTING. JFDI Use it everywhere and you’re life will be transformed.
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If there is one thing that's true about how people manage not to change and not do things, it is by separating the moment of decision to do something from the moment when you take action. The more time that exists between the decision making point and taking action, we call that the ratio of mischief. And that extends over time. The more space there is between that decision and taking action, the more mischief, the more garbage, the more nonsense people tend to put in between. That gap, is where many people fall down and confuse “talk” with action. So the principle here is, reduce that ratio. Make the decision and do. Make the decision and do. Make the decision and do. Get it down so that once you make a decision to do something. The only next thing is to doing it! Watch your life take off. Action: How big is ratio of mischief for you? Do you habitually decide something and then immediately take action?, or do days, weeks, months or years pass and still no real tangible progress has been made? If so, your task is to start training yourself to take immediate action. Bring a sense of urgency into what you are doing. Once you have decided something, take some action. JFDI! Copyright NLPTIMES.COM, all rights reserved in all media.
Suddenly you will find more of the things you want showing up and you will amazed at how much more you are able to get done, each and every day, moving each of your most important goals forward.
Quite often when people are having difficulties, either figuring out what's going on, what to do, or even how they are feeling in situations, what is missing is clarity around the verb. The problem is not about how you feel or about using what someone say to create more abstractions. Discover what the verb is. Things come about by doings. When somebody says, “he hurt me”. You have to have a little bit more information. It's not just that the verb hurt is enough to describe the situation. “He hurt me deeply, he hurt you deeply”. “Where?” “In my heart” “What did he stick a knife in you?” “No, he broke my heart.” Well, you see you have to be able to tell the difference between a metaphor and reality. When somebody says that their heart was broken, what they're saying is that they feel bad, they feel really bad that something happened. But we can't actually break each other's hearts. They should have told this us at school. Maybe they did, maybe we were all asleep. Copyright NLPTIMES.COM, all rights reserved in all media.
But, there's a difference between how we talk about things and the way the world is. And in starting to search out what is the actual doing, getting over these images, these poetries, these metaphors and down to exactly to what is happening. Quite often doing so, is sufficient to make it easier to get moving. People often don't start, cause things look too big. Just physically too big and they don't get into the habit of breaking things down to the physical doings. It's a trick which is used in many methods of productivity and goal setting. But it's one that everybody needs in their life. In order to get moving all you really need to do is start the very next physical step. If you have a big mess, it's not about cleaning the entire mess out. It's about standing up, walking across the room, picking up one thing and moving it to the bin. It's the very next physical action and then taking it. And then taking the very next physical action and then taking it, and then pretty soon you're walking. Action: Try it out for yourself. Pick any area you would like to get a better result on. Identify: • • •
What the desired state is? Then ask yourself, what’s the verb here? that when is brought into action will help me dramatically move this situation forward? Focus on just one verb for now. Pick the top verb that will have the biggest impact and go do that.
You will be surprised at how much better your life will be.
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Another great question to ask yourself when you find your ass dragging about doing something you want is to ask yourself: “What is really cool about this?” Don't worry about motivating, don't worry about benefits. What's cool about it? You see quite often, when people are thinking about something, especially those awful tasks that seem too vague, they are only looking at what seems to be the case of the moment. Not thinking about all the possibilities around it. For example, you have to clean the garage and you've been avoiding doing it. Days, weeks, maybe even months. By asking yourself “What's cool about it?” you send your place off to a resourceful place. It might be A, that your wife stops bugging you, B, that you can actually park the car in the garage. C, it might be, it might be it might be. Figure out what's cool. And watch stuff become easier. Action: Pick one area of your life where you find your have been dragging and take out an A4 or legal writing pad, and ask yourself “What is really cool about this?” Commit to coming up with at least five things that are really cool about what will occur as a result of you taking care of that thing you had been putting off. Feel that sense of, “you know what, when I have done this, that will be really cool because reason a, b, c etc.
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Then while you are in state go get into action, either literally start on doing whatever “it” is. Half the battle in anything is getting started. Once you start, you can finish. Keep focusing on what is cool, that you will get to enjoy as a result of getting your “thing” done.
In NLP there is much discussion about “time”, using “time”, changing your timelines etc. These abstractions are handy for certain processes, yet some people want an even quicker way to use “time” to help create more of what you want. This is easy. If you are looking at something and you don't want to do it or you are avoiding doing it, change the time frame to two years from now. And whatever that is, still being there. Notice what else goes wrong when you delay not doing it. Like for example, if you like a clean home, then don't leave stuff in place for long periods of time, cause it will attract dust. Imagine in two years from now, not ten years from now...You see if it doesn't have a date on it, it's just for a place for dust to collect. A big part with getting good with NLP is learning how to change your thoughts quickly and easily. When you are stuck on something – to quickly and effortlessly “Get OFF it”. This simple process of changing the time frame so that the representation it calls up, evokes you into action. You can wait in life for stuff to pile up, or you can use your brain today, to rapidly shift yourself into action.
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Action: By this point, you will have noticed we have shared many ways for you to change your mind, move into action, speed up the time between having a thought and manifesting a result. Take something you would like to be doing more of, but presently are not and do a thought experiment. Change the time frame from today to 2 years out from now, then five, then ten, all the while leaving whatever it was that you should be doing, not done. Notice what happens… Keep re-‐running different “realities” of what you will miss out on, the good things you won’t experience and the negative stuff you will experience etc until you find you can’t “take it anymore”, i.e. that you have run over threshold. Then run that movie five times each time making the consequences, of not taking action, worse and worse. You know you have “struck the right chord”, when you find yourself now compelled to take action, to get this goal/thing moving forward. Take some action right away.
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Nobody's perfect. Everybody forgets important events. But what's worse-‐-‐ at least for guys, it seems to be truism that quite often we even forget about the spontaneous events that we planned. We always intended to do that thing to pick up the flowers, the gesture to let our significant other know that we love them. Start planning your spontaneous actions. Put the date in the diary. Pre-‐order the flowers, did you know that you can pre-‐order flowers. You can have flowers delivered a month in advance. You can have little things planned in. Plan your spontaneity. Action: Open your diary and schedule 3 cool things for you and your loved ones that you’d like to do. Book that thing you’ve wanted to do for some time. Pick up the phone and get a couple of your friends enrolled in something different. Don’t wait for “the good life” to show up for you. Go out there and make it.
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For some people this will appear to be radical, and for others it might appear to be blaspheming. But the reality is a thought is just a thought! One of the design features whether by God, or by evolution is that when we think, we have the mechanism in place that tend to automatically produce feelings and connections, as if whatever we thought was real. Where as actually, the thoughts in our head are just thoughts! They aren't real. They are ideas about, they're opinions. Start labeling the stuff that goes through your head as false. Just a thought… just a thought…just a thought. See even, your judgments of other people. Especially, you know those totally objective and god-‐like observations of other people's characters flaws, you know the ones that we're so kind with to our friends and loved ones. Those are just thoughts, they aren't real. We may have evidence. We may think that we have evidence. Again, they still are just thoughts. Every time you feel bad, say to yourself, it's just a thought. Eventually, once you start to recognize that some thoughts are, just thoughts, and they're not worth thinking. You'll wake up one day and suddenly go “I am feeling bad”. And hear yourself say, that is just a thought, I'm not going to do it”. You stop doing it, cause you are bored with it. It requires no more than that. Not for everybody and not for everything. Understand we're talking about becoming more experimental and practical, and using your mind to improve your life. Embrace this “reality” and your life will be transformed. Copyright NLPTIMES.COM, all rights reserved in all media.
Action: When you train your mind to realize that a thought is just a thought, and that you can intentionally use your mind to feel better, to enjoy your life more you have taken a significant step on the ladder of self-‐mastery. Using the patterns of NLP on yourself, seeing “a thought as just a thought”, means you are free to hit the off switch on re-‐watching old-‐worn-‐out movie reruns of stuff that makes you feel bad. It’s not necessary. This one habit can transform your life and free you up from years of counter-‐ productive energy, crappy feelings and generally feeling bad. Now so we are clear, using NLP on yourself is NOT about never feeling bad. As human beings we have been given the full spectrum of emotions and feeling so called “bad” is not always a “bad” thing. We are social animals there are certain times when it makes perfect sense and purpose to feel “bad”, “loss”, “sadness” etc. This process of reminding yourself that “a thought is just a thought” is a powerful anchor for you to stay grounded in the world and to be at cause, in terms of your emotions and thought processes and not at the “mercy” of emotional storms.
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I am not a believer in you create your own reality. That's a cruel and vicious thing, it's unproven, it's just an assertion usually by people who don't think. They are not thoughtful enough. What, we don't create our own reality, you don't create that number twelve bus that's coming at you. But you do get to choose what happens t o a certain extent. You may be able to recognize just in time that a bus is coming towards you and leap out of the way or it may be too late, the bus is going to hit you. But to say that you created that, as someway of explaining, that's just bullshit. It's another convenient way of blaming people for circumstance. But in terms of your day to day life, an awful lot of what you experience in terms of the qualitative aspects of existence. Not the quantitative ones. But the qualitative aspects, depends on what you are willing to put up with. For example, somebody who is very, very tidy or indeed of going into the extreme of that of being obsessive compulsive disorder, can-‐not tolerate anything but a certain configuration. A certain arrangement of objects in the room. Certain level of cleanliness. A certain level, below which they cannot allow otherwise they have a very strong reaction towards. Other people can tolerate massive amounts of disorder. Massive amounts of dirt, and when that gets pushed into an extreme, where they actually avoid cleaning where they actually avoid throwing things away, then we have another kind of disorder. But in between, at each and every level there, we have the fact that whatever we are willing to tolerate, whatever we allow to be as a regular presence in our lives becomes the quality in which we experience life.
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Now, I am using the analogy at the moment of stuff. Objects. That's the exactly the same for people. The people in your life that you tolerate, the attitudes of yourself and others you tolerate, the moods etc. and any other aspects of your experience. In terms of the quality of experience, what you tolerate is your reality. And we can change a hell of a lot more than most people imagine. Action: Ask yourself: “What am I tolerating in my life right now?” Choose one thing you will no longer tolerate. Put a new way of being into action, so that that thing you used tolerate, you tolerate no more and have transformed your experience around it. It might be a mood, an attitude a certain expectation you have for yourself. Commit to changing that one thing now. Once you have done so, identify the next thing you will no longer tolerate, that will greatly improve your life.
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When people suffer, particularly when it's been for a long time the stress mechanisms, the ways of adapting, the defensive behaviours, postures and attitudes often become habituated to the point where someone can't imagine that there's any other possibility aside from, what they've been doing and how they've been feeling. When somebody gets into this state though, the other possibility is that, rather than trying many different approaches and new approaches, they will stop, stop the experimenting, stop the trying, and stop working in order to create results. Why? Because the longer a problem goes on and the more energy, time and commitment has gone into it, the more a cure, or a resolution for that problem becomes a threat to the value of having had the problem. In other words, some people would choose to defend their own suffering rather than find a cure/resolution. Because it's somehow devalues all the time that they spent identifying themselves as being broken. As being whatever the label is. If you defend the suffering… in other words by explaining too much about why you got the problem or too many excuses, rather than if you say you want to change than looking at what needs to be done and getting on with it.
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If you defend the suffering, wasting your time and wasting everybody else's time as well. Suffering is suffering. There's real suffering. There's real suffering that comes from imagination. And there's real suffering that comes from the body. Actual suffering. The body doesn't care; it's all suffering. But there is a difference between defending it and resolving it. Action: By this point I hope you have realized that using NLP on yourself is not all about using XYZ technique or repeating WQR pattern over and over again. Getting good with the technology requires that you get into the habit of using it first on yourself to better your own life, and then others. Sure, you can find people who are skilled with NLP, but never got past the “its all about me and look how good I am”, which is mostly infantile BS. Set a higher standard for yourself. Take a deeper look inside yourself, that is… reflect and ask yourself “where have I been defending the suffering?” Look for the “stuff” you consistently bitch, moan, whine or are righteous about, particularly where it applies directly to you. Everybody has areas where they are defending the suffering. A good way to find it is to uncover any area where you someone else is wrong, that you are the “victim”. Now before you go down this road, if you have already started hearing a voice inside your head that is going “Yes, BUT….” that voice there is likely to be an example of defending the suffering in motion. Many years ago I (Tom) was working in a factory in Limerick, Ireland making computers for Dell Computer Systems. I was about 16 at the time and I had just sat my leaving cert, which is are the final school exams, that you need to do well in if you intend to do particular third level courses at University. Anyway, unfortunately I didn’t get the number of points that I had hoped for, even though I had worked my socks off all year but fell far short. I was angry, annoyed and felt “screwed over” by the system. An older friend who worked with me on the factory lines kept asking me one simple question: “Tom, what went wrong, why didn’t you get the results you wanted?” To which I give reason after reason, justification after justification, this person messed up, that teacher shafted us, the school results board was fixed etc. etc.
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You can imagine I worked myself in to a right frenzy. This pattern continued for about three weeks, where ever now and then my friend would ask me the same question, over and over and after a while I was getting fed up of answering it. In fact as I was sharing with my friend “why” this happened I could tell by looking at him he was listening, but he didn’t believe it. And the truth was, deep down I didn’t believe it either. At first I thought he was looking for me to give him some specific answer that, up until then, had been avoiding me. He’s ask me the same question, wait till I expound off more reasons why it hadn’t happened and then he would ask me “was there no one else responsible?” And I’d think for a while, and go down some new rabbit hole. But then one day I didn’t have the energy to give the same old story over and over again. And he asked me at the start of our shift, as he always would, “Tom, why didn’t you get the results you wanted?” and like a bolt of thunder, the answer hit me. I didn’t get the results because I didn’t get the results. End of story. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but the undeniable truth was I didn’t get the results because, whatever else happened, I didn’t get the results. And the only thing worth doing at that point was go; “OK, now what?, What are you going to do instead?” So I decided to re-‐enroll for another year in a repeat program and I’m pleased to say, when I did so it totally changed the course of my life and everything got so much better from there. In fact it is unlikely that I would ever have been introduced into NLP if I hadn’t had the conversation with my friend. Now another good friend would jokingly say “This isn’t a time to hold hands, grab a tree and cry.” If you aren’t getting the results you want in your life or you aren’t happy about wherever you’re life is right now and you are busy giving excuses, long-‐winded narratives or other stories to pass the time then STOP DEFENDING THE SUFFERING Yes, your reasons may be valid. Yes, the system might be screwing you. Yes, life could seem crap etc. etc.
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But ultimately none of that really matters from the perspective of helping you get what you really want for your life. Ceasing to defend the suffering is not something you do just once in your life. It is an ongoing commitment to be solution and action focused. Commit today to investing your energy, finite will power and resources into creating what you really want and not what isn’t “right” with the world.
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Understanding is the end and the enemy of the learning process. Most people think understanding is the learning process, whereas think about it. If you're pursuing a course of study in order to understand. What is that understanding made up of? Well typically it's somebody else's map. Somebody else's representation of what is so-‐-‐ that you then take and integrate with yours. Also conventionally when people talk about learning, they recommend that once everyone encounters something new that the first thing that you are trying to do, is figure out how it's just like something they already know. Now, if we are talking about a novel experience in a novel situation. By making it exactly like what they already know, then rather than experiencing the novelty and discovering something new that hasn't been discovered before. Instead what they're doing is killing that novelty. Now, one further thing-‐ everybody has their own level and criteria for understanding. Some people need the big picture only. They just need an overview and then that's it. As soon as they get what they think they need or what they think they desire, they switch off. Somebody else needs many, many representations and huge amounts of detail. Particularly, historical detail. Particularly of one kind. What this does, is it tells them if they have enough. Enough for what? Enough to satisfy the habit that they've set for what understanding means. Copyright NLPTIMES.COM, all rights reserved in all media.
What I'm suggesting is that understanding is as much a habit of how we chop the world down into little pieces, as it is about something that's actually out there in the world. When I say “understanding is the end of the learning process.” When people get the feeling that accompanies understanding, it literally stops further inquiry. And when that understanding is just a style, just a presumption, just a preference-‐-‐ a habit established from the past. Now what you are saying is that understanding really is nothing. Action: If you truly want to improve your life and get better with NLP then give up the need to reach the end of the learning process. Stay involved and interested in discovering what you don’t know and cultivate an attitude of curiosity wherever you go. It will make your life more rich, rewarding and enjoyable. Richard Banlder once said: “Having a certificate on the wall that says you’re a neuro linguistic programmer really shouldn’t make it so that you become pompous. It should make it so that you know how much you don’t know. And the truth is that most people who do NLP don’t practice it enough and don’t have enough training. The people that have apprenticed with me for long periods of time end up being able to do a lot more. Not because they were exposed to a different class but because the level of perceptions by which they looked at the same thing changed. And be distrustful of feeling right if you can’t alter something quickly and easily. That if you know how to work with a phobia and you encounter somebody who doesn’t get rid of it well either it’s not a phobia or else you’re not doing it right. And those are the times where instead of feeling like you failed you should feel the opportunity is knocking at the door. The best stuff I ever found was the quirky weird clients that came in that nobody could help. In fact one of the most powerful techniques I use now has to do with spinning feelings either forward or backwards or side once that direction the other clockwise and counter clockwise.” Certifications and “papers” of accomplishment are nice, but remember that all NLP certifications are really the start of the learning process, not the end. Rid yourself of any need that you must understand in order to act.
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Whenever you are about to embark on a new goal or have something you are seeking, start first with creating the final snapshot for how you want it to be. Start with the final snapshot is similar to the expression “start with the end of mind”, but that has become a cliché. Start with the final snapshot reminds us to have a sensory-‐grounded representation of what it is we wish to see/hear/feel when we have accomplished/reached/achieved whatever it is that we aspire to. The reason why you start with a representation of how something finishes is because that allows you to create the criteria that let's you know whether you are moving towards what you want or away from what you want. You use those criteria, when you check every once in while… -‐ -‐ -‐ -‐
How are we doing? How far have we got? What have we created so far? What needs to change?
Without those criteria you're not going to know. You may be wasting your time. You may be doing something dumb. So you start with the end in mind. This allows you to make better decisions in the choices in your life.
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Action: Review your top three goals/priorities for this year. Do you have a clear sensory-‐based snapshot of what you want to see, when you have successfully achieved whatever it is you are seeking? Can you describe the criteria, that when present will indicate you have been successful? Do you know what order your resources need to be arranged in order to achieve your desired outcome? By answering these questions, you will bring your aspirations to life and have better distinctions that let you know: -‐ -‐ -‐
If what you are doing is working If you need to change When it is time to get help from an external resource
Once you identify what gaps if any exist, spend ten minutes focusing on the “final snapshot”, the end state you are aiming for. Enrich your representation of it. Do this process each day for a week and you will start to see significant improvement towards the realization of your goal.
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The pace of life seems to be getting quicker and quicker for many people and the amount of time we have to pursue our dreams and do what we want is most certainly finite. You wouldn’t think it though to look at how many people approach going after their goals. One viewpoint is, a lot of time is wasted on activities that don’t hold any meaningful value for us, and it is becoming more common. You hear about “millions suffering from attention deficit disorder”, is ADD a disorder of attention or a disorder of a compelling intention? Either way, most of us are unaware of the cost an undirected mind can be costing you. The truth is most of us are guilty of “someday” or “tomorrow I’ll do it syndrome”. However there is a better way, there's a different way than being at the effect of “whatever shows up”, and that way is-‐-‐ when you start getting clear and honest with yourself about what it is you really want. Clarity really is power. That clarity and honesty and directness in yourself will affect your relations with other people. They'll start to get that you are straight in terms of your intent. That you are not attempting to manipulate. Believe it or not, there are more people who are willing to help you than you can imagine. They don’t want though to be manipulated by you (nor of course you them). Therefore you have is to learn to ask for and act from simplest intents.
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When you aren’t clear on your intent, your ability to take consistent goal oriented action suffers. Weeks pass by and you find you have very little meaningful work done. By clarifying your intent, it makes you congruent. Congruent means there is only one message. It's not like your shaking your head no while saying how happy you are to be somewhere. That's incongruent. The congruency does is it sends the message that you are sincere and serious on what you're talking about. That's a good thing. Also, if you want to make your work easier. Clarify your intent, what do you intend to do? There's a wonderful consultant heuristic. Like, intend, must. Before we start a piece of work consider for a moment what it is you like to do. With that piece of work, with that period of time. State what you'd like to do, then state what you intend to do. What is your intention for this work in this period of time? Then find this state what you must do, or what you must accomplish. Try that. And notice how much easier the work goes. Action: Review the activities you completed in the past week. How aligned were they with your intent? Did you even have a conscious intent? If so, how well have you done for your actions to be congruent with that intent? Take out a Post-‐it-‐note or 3x4 card and write down in big letters, What is my intent? Keep that card with you for the next few weeks and every time you are about to start a task, ask yourself what is my intent? Once you are clear on your intent you can: -‐ -‐ -‐
Embrace the work that will make the most difference to you Say no to projects, requests and activities that take you away from you goal Focus on ensuring every action you take is taking you closer to your desired outcome
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Ever feel like you have a “motivation” problem? Everybody does in some areas. The trick to get yourself moving is to ask yourself: What is going to make it worth my while? Ponder on this, go deep and look to find the answers that will help you quickly work out ahead of time if you have the “emotional juice” to get started, but also to keep moving. As the old personal development phrase goes: “Inspiration is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” You need both. In NLP we would say you will want to invoke a strategy that gets you motivated AND a strategy that keeps you motivated. Often people get the first one going but forget about the second. By asking yourself “what is going to make it worth my while?” you can find the “representational juice” (the right set of pictures, sounds, internal dialogue and feelings) to call you into life. It starts with intention, beginning with the end snapshot in mind and having a compelling representation of what is going to make it worthwhile for you.
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You see there are two ways that people motivate themselves. One is by moving towards what they want. The other is by attempting to avoid or evade what it is that they don't want. Figure out what you primarily are. Everyone will have certain tendencies. When you know what these are you can become creative around how you are going to add/remove/re-‐engineer the component available in order to make something worth your while, so that it moves you into action. With regards to some goal you actually want (vs. is a goal that was trained into you), have a think through, what's going to make this worth my while? What's the payoff going to be? If the payoff is strong enough, you will tend to take action regardless of what seems to be arising. But if the payoff is not big enough you'll discover that obstacles, hindrances and obstructions seem to arise as if from the very ground itself. As if the earth is standing in your way. If that is the case you know what you need to do. -‐ -‐ -‐
You can add more components of pleasure or pain You can look to remove certain elements of pain or pleasure You can re-‐engineer the pain, pleasure aspects of the goal.
Action: Take some area of your life where you would like to make progress on. Set a new goal and start playing with the ideas you has been learning here. -‐ -‐ -‐
What is going to make it worth your while? What’s the payoff going to be? How do you want the end snapshot to look like?
Once you have done these, ask yourself: -‐ -‐
Am I motivated to take action, to start on this today? Do I have compelling enough reasons to continue with whatever is required to achieve this goal? o If not become creative and figure out what you need to add/remove/re-‐engineer about the payoff so that it IS motivating for you o Run a movie in your mind seeing the payoff occurring. Use the appropriate sub-‐modality preferences (e.g. make the movie big, bright, colorful etc.) that work best for you so that it tells your brain “I WANT THIS”. o Re-‐run the movie several times so the idea of doing/achieving/manifesting whatever it is you want really excites you. Copyright NLPTIMES.COM, all rights reserved in all media.
The key is to be flexible in your approach, creative and persistent. If you find you are unable to get the requisite “juice” going, then take a step back and evaluate what you think is stopping you? Are you defending the suffering? Are you unclear about the steps, procedure to make the goal happen? Have you made the task seem enormous and therefore it is too daunting? If you the answer to any of these is “Yes” then hear yourself say in your mind: “My thoughts are just thoughts. I only need to move it one step forward right now. What resources do I need to move this forward?” Ask yourself: “What’s the verb here?” For example, if you don’t have a clue where to start, it’s time to get external input. Ask yourself whom do you need to call, email, meet etc? Keep playing with the verb until you found the one that works best and leads you to taking tangible, progressive action. When you follow this approach, most complications can become unstuck. You have moved yourself from the world of abstractions and “thinking about thinking” to sensory based actions of “I’m doing X activity now”. And action beats inaction nearly every day. JDFI!
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The whole university approach, the whole schooled based approach, yes indeed is very interesting, wonderful, exciting. Except that in most instances it doesn't require anymore than being able to remember and articulate other people's ideas. The problem when somebody leaving university today is when they attempt to enter the job market by and large, they can't spell, they can't add up and they have no idea about the professions they are entering into. This is not a criticism of young people or a particularly criticism of the university system. It's always been this way. What it is, is it's a criticism of people's expectations. Until you have experience and until that experience goes through your physical body, you actually don't know a damn thing. You can have all kinds of opinions. You can quote dozens of references, you can repeat other authorities statements forever, but it doesn't make you any more able. Something is not learned until you experience it for yourself through the body. If you want to get good at NLP or anything else for that matter, always prefer doing to talking about. Action: Many NLPers seem to think there is a secret formula to becoming really good with NLP, that if one only knew then you would be an international success overnight. Sorry to say, but that isn’t so. There is no magic formula.
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Everyone who you have ever seen or meet who is good at anything are so because they did the practice, did the “doing” of their profession over and over again. NLP is no different. No unconsciously installation or rapid learning method is going to avoid the fact that you must output, i.e. practice the skills if you are to get really good at it. Your action is ask yourself, how much of the technology of NLP is just theory to me and how much of it have I actually practiced? Then set a goal to double your skill set in one particular area of the technology and going about doing just that.
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While we are on the topic of learning, realize that you don't really know something until you've practiced it thoroughly in all of its component parts. And all of its aggregate elements. And we are not talking about a little bit, we are talking about a lot. When somebody plays a musical instrument and plays it really well. They haven't done just one thing over and over again. They've done many, many, many things in many different combinations over and over again. One of the surest ways for somebody to screw up with their practice is by trying to become fast by just playing fast. The rule is in music at least. If you want play fast, play really, really slow. What that does is it forces you, it forces every single bit of you to concentrate and to surrender to what it is that you are studying. While you go slowly, you are building up the habit of removing excess effort and excess tension from the process of making music. At the same time, you are ensuring that only the target notes and only the target qualities are being created. That is what slowing down allows you to do. Once you play really slowly, really well then you can begin to speed up but only as much as you can maintain the quality. Eventually, eventually your fingers will fly over the keyboard, fly over strings. But you can't skip, you can't skip over, the steps in a physical process of learning. If you do, it guarantees that your practicing errors. One step at a time. If you go quick; practice slow.
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Action: List three areas of your life where you will apply the “one step at a time” approach to getting good. In NLP we presume that “if one person can do something, then anyone can do it”. While this isn’t necessarily true in every case, it’s a great belief to have. We also presume that every behaviour has a structure to it. Therefore take any skill you want to get good at and break it down into the component parts, what skills are ubiquitous (used throughout) and what skills are sequential? Which comes first, second, third? For example if you want to get good at anchoring you need to first get good at eliciting states. You need to be have the skill of being able to notice and respond to effect of your communication on the listener (feedback – a skill required throughout the anchoring process) … so you can quickly modify your own behaviour. When you break any skill down in this way, and practice each component until it you have rehearsed every aspect of it – you will find you can make a huge difference in your performance. Remember slow is smooth and smooth is fast.
Very few people actually think. It's requires that you change what's going on in your head and especially challenging how you know what it is that you think you are certain of. Far too often when people say that they've thought about something and decided, what you'll actually discover is that they haven't thought at all! All
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they've done is they'd run through the same procedure that they've run through before. At no time did that they actually modify the process of their own thinking. It's assimilation thinking that goes on quite often. It's kind of like when people make decisions whether it's for something big, like a house or car, or for insurance, or how they order a pizza, or how they choose a mate, the decision criteria are held in exactly the same way. That's not thinking. That's conforming the world to a strategy that they've already habituated. In other words, they're on automatic pilot. Most of the time, people think they're thinking. Are you? Action: One of the core skills of NLP is behaviour flexibility. And we don’t mean just in terms of your outward behaviour, but also your ability to change, reorient, move, expand, contract, go laterally etc. with your thinking. Your action from this note is – challenge your thinking regularly – seek new and different perspectives. Try out different thinking heuristics frequently. Whenever you are certain of something, force your mind to find ten counter arguments with your position. Most people when they have made their mind up on something only look for evidence to support their conclusion. Do the opposite. Try and prove yourself wrong. Look for another vector by which you can challenge and expand your own thinking. Do you really think Richard Bandler was able to come up with DHE and NHR, simply from sticking within the confines of his own or indeed society’s “traditional” thinking? If you want to excel with NLP, then become a student of how people decide, and how people think. Doing so will open up a whole world of insights and opportunity and ultimately make you incredibly resourceful in just about any situation.
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Figuring out what technique you can use is one of the trickier challenges many NLPers face. The exact number of techniques vary from over 200 to over ten thousand, according to some sites. So the question becomes how can I decide what to use, when? The answer to this is easier than most people realize. Firstly, all of the techniques of NLP are made up of only a handful of core patterns, which have been used over and over in slightly different ways. So there really isn’t several hundred, or indeed thousands of entirely unique techniques. Often what is described as a “new technique” is really just a variation or expansion of an old one. You see human beings only have five senses3, of which we have two primary modes of using them… internal representations and external representations. For example with visual sensory system, i.e. stuff you can see, we can either 1) see something external to us (we call that visual external) or we can 2) imagine in our minds seeing something (we call that visual internal). The same applies to each of the other sensory systems. Yes there are some core nuisances to 3 At least that is what we presuppose in NLP.
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understand about each sensory system (sub-‐modalities for example) and about how human beings wire things up and create their experience of reality (which is outside the scope of this program but covered in our Platinum Audio News Club), but the reality is there are only a core set of patterns that drive all the techniques. Even if you don’t know yet what these are, how can you decide what technique to use with yourself or others? Ask yourself this question: What is the function I am looking for, in order to achieve my desired state? Broadly speaking, all of work we do with NLP could be described as the process of: -‐
Quantifying and qualify the desired state (DS) followed by the present state (PS)
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Identify what resources you need to move from the present state to the desired state
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Then apply those resources and modify your approach based on the feedback
So let’s say that you have had some trauma in the past and every time you think of X event you instantly start feeling scared/angry/tearful etc. (PS) Well one of the basic rules of thumb in NLP is if you want to feel something more you associate into it, but when you want to feel something less intensely, it is generally wise to disassociate from it. So let’s apply that rule of thumb to this situation. If you experienced some trauma and it is still bothering you, but wish it didn’t, you want to feel neutral about it (DS), a good idea is to disassociate from it.
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So now that we know the function that we want (disassociation), we can pick up any NLP technique book and start scanning for NLP techniques that primarily use the function of dissociation to create the end effect. A quick scan of any pattern book we find techniques like: -‐
The triple dissociation technique
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The resolving internal conflict pattern
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The advanced visual squash pattern
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The dis-‐identification pattern
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Change personal history pattern
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Various time-‐lining patterns such as the re-‐imprinting technique
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Etc. etc
As you can see, there are numerous NLP techniques that function on a pattern of dissociation, which we can leverage for our purpose of un-‐sticking a traumatic experience. Get it? Rather than asking “what technique should I use?” ask yourself “what function am I looking for?”, then use the technique books of NLP to identify patterns that provide that function. Once you have found them start using those techniques on the problem state. One point worth noting is that the function you choose will be dependant on the description you use, the frame of reference you have created to describe the “problem state”. Without going into a lot of detail, in NLP we have multiple ways of describing a problem state. Some will be more useful than others in certain situations. Using the example of overcoming a trauma we could describe it reporting on the: -‐
The sensory patterns, e.g. visual representation, associated, very close etc.
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The strategy syntax, e.g. Ve -‐> Vir -‐> K-‐
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-‐
The meta-‐programs patterns, e.g. associated, past oriented, re-‐active etc.
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The language patterns e.g. every time, always, never (universals), life, freedom, frozen (nomilizations) etc.
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The state patterns e.g. anxiety, fear, helplessness etc. which are embodied as rush of energy starting in the pit of their stomach and moving up their throat etc.
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The physiology patterns: fast breathing, shortness of breath, off-‐balance etc.
Here we have six different descriptions we could use to go about transforming the PS to the DS. If you primarily describe it as a sub-‐modality issue (too much associated) then what function you will use will be different that if you primarily describe it as a strategy problem vs. say a state problem. In reality you are actually describe the same effect (the traumatic responses) but doing it from different angles. So now you have multiple “change vectors”, to go about transforming the PS on. If we now ask the question “What’s the function?” that will help us move the PS description to the DS, we have many more options… as seen below: -‐
The sensory patterns – we can use a dissociation pattern, outlined earlier.
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The strategy syntax – install a new strategy or re-‐engineer the old
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The meta-‐programs patterns – use meta program change pattern to become dissociated, at choice, present timeframe oriented
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The language patterns – use the Meta Model and Sleight of Mouth patterns to “bust up” the generalization and way the person is binding their trauma experience
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The state patterns – use Kinesthetic swish or “dissociate and spin the feelings” pattern
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The physiology patterns – break their state e.g. get their heart pumping, evoke powerful resource states and collapse the negative anchor.
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As you can see there are many vectors you can transform the problem state from. Some will get you further than others, combined you have a very powerful combination of interventions to get you or your clients to results. Action: Starting today, start training yourself to ask: What’s the function that is needed to transform the present state to the desired state? Once you are clear on the function you are looking for, then use the many NLP techniques, frameworks and tools to get yourself to the desired result.
Richard Bandler has a few phrases that sum up the attitude of NLP, especially around creating change. Read each of these and ponder how your life would be different when you adopt them as the mantra you live by: "You are born with only two fears: fear of falling and fear of loud noise. All the rest is learned. And it's a lot of work!" "Remember, it's your own body, your own brain. You're not a victim of the universe, you are the universe."
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"If you say to yourself 'It's difficult to get up in the morning', 'It's hard to cease smoking', then you are already using hypnotic suggestions on yourself..." “Why be yourself when you can be someone so much better?” “You are going to change today, or die while I’m trying” Essentially half the success in life is showing up, the other half is continuing to show up, to be persistent in pursuit of a worthy goal. Some people think that “If I use an NLP technique it should work right away!, and if it doesn’t NLP sucks!” There are two things worth addressing here. The first is the idea that NLP is an instanteous, magic bullet, never fails, always works expectation that simply put is not true. NLP is an evolving technology. Human beings have all kinds of interesting ways of doing things which means no proceedure will work perfectly for everyone. So if you find yourself in this “NLP should always work right away” then it’s time to reconsider that. Secondly, if something doesn’t work right away doesn’t mean that it sucks. This latter attitude is something you will hear from people who think they are thinking… They may have some experience with NLP, but most likely they are either ignorant of what they are talking about or at a minumum caught up in a huge generalisation (all of NLP sucks) which is flawed. Either extreme forms of thinkings are likely to lead you down the wrong road. Action: Here’s a third approach. Apply what you have learnt here about NLP, the mindset and distcintions about how to use the technology. Then choose a pattern to help change something in
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yourself, for example perhaps you will use the “decision destroyer” pattern or the “belief change” pattern. Make sure you follow all instructions and do the pattern fully. Repeat the process several times if you need to, then test your results. Got the change you wanted. Great stuff! If for some reason you didn’t get the change yet, then you have three choices: -‐
Review the scope of the change you are trying to do. Are you trying to do too much at once and therefore need to break it into several distinct steps?
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If not then repeat the orginal process seeking to improve your implementation of it
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Or pick another technique and do that instead
Bottom line is be persistent! We are all changing all the time, wheather we are aware of it or not. Some techniques work better if you can have someone guide you through it. Get the assistance of a friend or expereinced change agent if you aren’t able to get the result you want, but be persistent!
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Using NLP first and foremost is really about applying the tools and technology continually with yourself and then others. We have covered a lot in this program, however your rewards are just beginning. From today onwards, as you learn something new, ask yourself “When will I next apply this?” and then set the intention to do so within the next 24 hours. If you want to get good at NLP it comes from practice. Doing what is necessary in order for you to get feedback on how well what you are doing is working. Start small. Chunk size and sequence is everything. Take 1-‐3 things that you have learnt from this product and apply it every moment/hour/day of this week. Perhaps you will decide to using NLP to become more productive, happy, successful, or whatever it is you are valuing right now. Final Action: Figure out right now, which of the 24 key distinctions you will put into effect right away. Then get your hands on a book of NLP techniques and start using it to help transform your life. Remember to focus first on what is your desired state, what you think is stopping you and what function will help you get from where you are to where you want to be. Be persistent, be playful. NLP is a wonderful technology. If you use it every day and apply what you have learnt here you can’t help but start experiencing a much better quality of life. We wish you every success on the journey. Michael and Tom Copyright NLPTIMES.COM, all rights reserved in all media.
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