This Foolish Love Was Never Meant to Be

This Foolish Love Was Never Meant To Be

A story of unrequited love between Taeyeon and Tiffany from SNSD.

“This thing called love. If I could ever experience it, even if it means being a fool for life, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second…”

One

“Sica! Tae! Guess what happened?” “You finally decided to sell all your pink stuffies?” the shortest joked. “Ahahahaha. No,” she said in a sarcastic tone. “Come on guys, guess!” “Hmm. Your daddy finally let you try out for that entertainment company you’ve been dying to get in?” This time it was the blonde who spoke. “I wish. But no, sadly.” “Then what?” the two asked the overexcited girl in unison. “He asked me!” “Who?” “Him. You know? That him.” “Ohhh, that guy,” the shortest raised her eyebrows. The girl blushed cutely. “Congrats Fany! We all know you’ve been dying to go out with him for who knows how long.” “I’m excited too! When oppa finally wanted to talk to me, I didn’t know what to do. But I’m glad everything turned out well.” She added with a smile.

Just then, that oppa walked by, and Tiffany immediately diverted her attention to him. “Hi oppa!” Her tone grew even cheerier, if it were even possible. “Hi Fany. I just wanted to know if you were free tonight.” She squealed internally. Suffering a loss of words, she finally was able to reply, “of course I am! Where were you planning on going?” “I’m not too sure yet. I was planning on just going to the mall, maybe catch a movie or something.” “Sure, oppa. Sounds great!” “Alright. See you later then,” he smiled at her and walked away. As Tiffany turned back, she could see both her friends grinning like excited children. “What?” “You’re blushing; So much that you’re redder than a tomato.” She ducked her head, feeling embarrassed. She couldn’t help it, she felt so happy. She’d been crushing on this guy for so long now. *Ring ring* “Well, that’s the bell. Better get to class.” --

The next day at school, all three arrived early. “Yah, Fany. So how did the date go last night?” “It was so much fun!” The girl practically exploded with excitement at the mention of her new boyfriend. The two laughed. “Good to know it went well. Details?” “Well we went to see that movie about like… vampires. He was such a gentleman through the entire date. I don’t know, but it seemed pretty perfect.” “Sigh, you and your Twilight obsession,” escaped from the mouth of the oldest. “I haven’t had such a successful date in a long time, honestly.” “Fany, that makes you sound like you’re a player.” “Well, I am,” and an evil smirk appeared on her face, earning her a slap on both arms from both the shorty and the blonde. “Just kidding! No need to get all violent on me.” “Stay grounded girl. We don’t need another replay of that incident.” “I agree with the lazy one here, Fany.” “Okay okay, geez guys. I’ve learned my lesson from that time. It won’t happen again.” “Good. Stay that way.” --

Months had passed since that day when Tiffany brought to them the news that she had been asked out by him. Taeyeon felt as if they were growing apart, because of him. She was so devoted to spending time with him, as if she were in her own little world, away from reality. Tiffany no longer went to the weekly hangout or sleepovers the three used to have. Even when she had gone out with guys beforehand, it was never so deep to this extent. She didn’t even eat lunch with the two anymore, instead choosing to sit with her new boyfriend and his friends. They aren’t even nice people, thought Taeyeon. The few moments where Tiffany is there with them, she spent staring at her phone, or talking on the phone. She had fallen head over heels for this guy and she didn’t even realize it herself. “Fany-ah,” Tae started the conversation not even knowing if the latter was paying any attention. “…Yeah?” It took a few seconds for a reply. “Uh, do you want to hang out this Sunday? Just me, you, Sica?” “…Huh?” Tiffany was more focused on her texting. “Sigh, you’re not even listening. Never mind then.” “Tae? Can you call back another time? I’m kind of busy.” She didn’t even bother to wait for the older girl to say bye, and cut her off, returning to her texting.

It was to the point where phone calls like this were now of the norm. And often afterwards, Taeyeon would call Sica to vent out her feelings. “Sica… Tiffany is drifting away from us. I hate this.” “It’s okay Taengoo, she’s just going through a phase, like always. Remember? She used to be so obsessed with that one guy, and a while afterwards she dumped him.” “But this time is worse than any of the past times. She’s spending all her time with him, and neglecting us. I want my Fany back,” she said not noticing what she referred to Fany as. “Your Fany?” Sica laughed. “…Oh. I mean our Fany.” “It’s okay. You know Fany, she has her weird hormones. Trust me, give it a few more weeks, she’ll be over it.” “Sigh…I guess.” “Wait… You JELLY?” the blonde emphasized on the last word, letting out a laugh almost comparable to the other’s ahjumma like laugh. “What? NO. Ew. EWWWW. Yah! Jung Sooyeon, what are you thinking of?” She was still laughing. “Chill man, I’m just teasing you.” “You better be.” “I’m so scared,” the younger sarcastically remarked.

“You know, I can be really scary,” the elder tried to convince the other, raising her arm, and gently slapped the latter’s butt. “Yah! Byuntae!” “That’s what you get,” she smirked. -The next few weeks were not much better. What Jessica had told Taeyeon was completely wrong. In fact, Tiffany had fallen even deeper into what she believed was love, and her two best friends were losing her as the days progressed. They barely even saw each other anymore. Tiffany had almost completely removed herself from the rest of the world. “Tae-tae, sorry but I won’t be able to make it tonight.” “…Oh.” “There will be other times, right? Sorry, oppa suddenly asked if I wanted to go see this concert. They’re the hottest boy band right now!” “Whatever,” this time, Taeyeon cut her off. Geez, what’s her problem?thought Tiffany. “What happened?” asked the blonde who was there with Taeyeon. “She bailed. Again. Last minute. And it’s even my birthday.” “Aish that girl. Will she ever learn?”

“Whatever. Let’s forget her for now, and try to enjoy what’s left of this night.” A few days later, when Tiffany finally decided to have lunch with the other two for the first time in months, she was ignored. Taeyeon even left the table, without a word. “Yah, Sica. What’s up with you two? Especially Tae?” “You ditched… a few days ago? Don’t you remember?” “Oh…that. But we always hang out! Plus, oppa had those killer tickets! Front row seats!” “Oh really?” Jessica accidentally showed a sign of interest when she was supposed to be mad at her. “Fany-ah, you haven’t spent time with us for over a few months now. Sparing all your free time with that oppa of yours. You even forgot it was Taeyeon’s birthday a few days ago.” It took a while for Tiffany to process it in her head. Suddenly, her eyes popped wide open, as she realized what she had done. “OHMYGOD. WHAT HAVE I DONE?” “Exactly. Now you understand why she’s mad?” “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t she tell me?” “Uhh. Cuz you should have known. Dude, we’ve spent all our birthdays together since as long as I can even remember… and you forget because of that guy… what a great friend you are.”

“Yah, watch it blondie. I happen to like that oppa very much, more than all the others before.” “We’ve realized…” “I’ll make it up to Taeng somehow.” “You better,” she stared icily at her. -Ding Dong. Taeyeon went to her door and answered it, not knowing who to expect. “Surprise!” It was none other than the smiling angel. “Hi Tiffany!” was all she managed to blurt out, surprised as she was. “Happy birthday! Well, happy, belated birthday. I’m sorry Tae-tae.” “It’s okay Fany. Come in for a while.” “Okay, but I can only stay a while, and then I have to go again.” “…Oppa again?” “Mhmm. We’re eating out today, at an Italian restaurant.” “Oh.” Taeyeon’s sudden mood drop was quite obvious. “What’s wrong Tae-tae?”

“Nothing.” “Right. Come on, you can tell me.” “You probably don’t care.” “What? Why would I not care? I’m your best friend Tae-tae.” “It sure doesn’t seem like it.” She knew she shouldn’t have said it. “What? Tae, what are you saying?” “I’m saying words. Words, words, and more words.” “Yah, Kim Taeyeon, don’t play smart with me.” “Oh, you thought I was playing?” Her voice tensed. “Well I’m sorry then. I didn’t know I was just a game to you.” “I’m confused. Kim Taeyeon, can you just tell me straight what’s wrong?” “No. I can’t. You’re smart. You figure it out. Please get out of my house.” “Fine. Be that way. Forget that I even came today.” She slammed the door. All Taeyeon could do was cry. Why is she like that now? What has gone into her? --

They continued not talking for quite a while. It must have been at least another few weeks. Jessica hated being the one in between. She was more on Taeyeon’s side, but she also understood where Tiffany was coming from. “Taengoo, what’s wrong?” “Nothing.” “You can’t fool me. You know that.” “Fine. Tiffany’s still not talking to me.” “Well, it is kind of your own fault, you told her to pretty much get out of your house, and your life. For now at least.” “Well, she should know me better. She knows I don’t mean it.” “You hurt her Taeng. All she wanted to know was what was wrong… and you basically yelled at her. She didn’t even get an explanation from you.” Deep down, she knew that was the truth, but she just didn’t want to accept it. She was too stubborn to. “I guess I should go apologize.” “You should. In fact, the sooner the better. I don’t want to see my two best friends ignoring each other. We’ve never been apart for so long. How many months has it been now?” “Almost five…” “That girl. That crazy girl. How dare she neglect us for so long?”

“Yeah, I know… I’ll go talk to her today. The sooner the better, like you said.” “Alright. If you need anything, call me.” -School was over, and Taeyeon felt the need to go talk to her friend. She knew exactly where she was because she had memorized her schedule. She should have just finished Math class, Taeyeon remembered in her head. Looking into the classroom, nobody was there. Tiffany wasn’t around there. Taeyeon went outside to look for the girl. She couldn’t find her anywhere. She called, and nobody picked up. “Sigh…at least I tried. Maybe I’ll go to her house and tell her Dad I wanted to leave her a message. Yeah, that’s a good idea,” she spoke to herself. If anyone were there, they would have thought the girl was crazy. It didn’t take long to walk to Tiffany’s house. Taeyeon stopped as she saw there was another person there. She quickly hid behind a nearby shrub, and tried to hear what was going on. Only a few words out of the few were audible. Taeyeon could only make out the words, “next… time… consider…” The rest was just a messy blur. Just as she turned to look, she saw the guy lean in on her, as the girl closed her eyes. Their lips met and Taeyeon couldn’t bear to watch. She ran away feeling hurt. She didn’t even know why. --

“Taeng, what happened? What’s with the crying? Did Fany blow you off or something?” “…No…*sob*…I don’t k-know why I-I’m cr-crying…” “I’ll be over in a second. Stay Tae.” And indeed, a few minutes later, the blonde arrived at her house. “Come here Tae,” and Jessica embraced the shorter girl in her arms. “What’s wrong?” It took a while for Taeyeon to calm down a bit, and she told Jessca what she had witnessed. “Tae-tae. Don’t cry… I mean, he is Fany’s boyfriend. So, it’s more than natural…” “Not helping.” “Ahh, I’m sorry Taeng. What I meant to say was, why would you…be upset?” “I don’t even know. It’s just at that moment, it felt as if I didn’t want it to happen. I mean, she’s our girl, I don’t want some jerk kissing her.” “Tae-tae, how do you know he’s a jerk?” “I can feel it in my bones.” “In that very short stature of yours?” the blonde girl laughed at her own joke. “Yah, I’m not that short.”

“Okay, point taken. You know… maybe…sigh, never mind.” “What?” “Never mind.” “Tell me.” “I said never mind.” She glared at her friend. Clearly, Jessica had something on her mind, but she didn’t want to tell Taeyeon about it. Not yet. It was just a hunch, but the greatest discoveries always come from hunches right? “Fine. Don’t tell me.” “It’s nothing Taeyeon, trust me. But are you okay now?” “Yeah, I feel much better. Thanks Sica. You’re the best.” “I’ve been told.” She smiled. -Taeyeon didn’t notice it, but she had been avoiding Tiffany for some time now. If she were to talk to her face to face, she wouldn’t even know what to say. And she remembered she didn’t even apologize to Tiffany yet about that whole birthday incident. As she was walking past a classroom, she couldn’t help but notice Tiffany’s boyfriend. He was talking to some other guy. And she decided to eavesdrop, and once again, she didn’t even know why.

“Man, that girl. It’s been like six months now, and she hasn’t given in on anything yet,” the one that was supposedly her boyfriend had spoken. “Oooh, that’s rough man. I’d hate that. It usually only take me a few weeks, and the job’s done,” the other one gave this dirty smile. It really disgusted Taeyeon. “Do you think I should just dump her? I mean, she’s not doing ANYTHING. The most I’ve done with her is make out. She’s a damn good kisser though, that much I can say.” “I think you should let her go. If she keeps this up…” “Yeah, that’s what I was thinking too. She’s too naggy and stuff. I’m always trying to be all nice-guy around her. Not my type. I’ll just end it soon." That was all Taeyeon needed to hear. She really just wanted to beat the crap out of that guy right there and then. But then she realized that she was physically unable to. The guy is like almost double her size. Dammit. He’ll die. If not because of me, then because of something much worse. Taeyeon was furious. She knew all along that the guy was a fake; a lying jerk. She had to inform Tiffany right away, before she got hurt. That day, she walked over to Tiffany’s house. She didn’t even care that the two hadn’t spoken in a long time, and that the latter might very well still be mad at her. But she didn’t care. Knock knock. “Fany-ah. It’s me. Taeyeon. Can I come in?”

No response. “Please. I know I haven’t talked to you in a long time, and that last time I was being a butthead, but I really have to talk to you. It’s important.” Again, no response. “DAMMIT. TIFFANY. I GOT SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU.” The door opened. “What?” was all that was heard, and in a very stern tone. Tiffany didn’t look at all happy, not even content. It got awkward. Taeyeon didn’t even think about the possibility that it might be really difficult to talk to her. But that didn’t matter, not right now at least. “…I want to apologize, first of all. About my behaviour, like a few months ago.” “Oh. Yeah, whatever. I didn’t even remember that. Is that it? Cuz I’m quite busy.” “No. That’s not all. I want to tell you something. Really important. And you have to believe me.” “…I’ll see. What is it?” “Your oppa. He’s going to break up with you…” Taeyeon managed to tell the other girl. “…what?” “I overheard him talking to some guy today, and he said he was going to break up with you soon.”

“…Stop making up this bull crap. I know you don’t like him, but there’s no point trying to convince me that he’s going to break up with me so I break up with him first.” “Listen to me Fany. I’m telling the truth here.” She had the most sincere look in her eyes. “Whatever, Kim Taeyeon. You and your words, words, words. I don’t know what to believe anymore. Oppa and I happen to be in a very loving relationship, and he treats me very nicely. Thank you very much for your concern.” “Dammit. Tiffany. Can’t you see that you’re changing because of him? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore. Please come back Fany-ah. And now that you know he’s going to dump you, can’t you just dump him before he can hurt you?” “Stop this act. It was enough a few months ago, why do you still view him as a jerk? He’s been nothing but nice to me all these months. Better than any boyfriend I’ve ever had.” “I really don’t want to say this out right now, but if it’s going to knock some sense back into you, I don’t mind. Fany, he’s just doing all this to do stuff with you. He wants you…in that way.” Silence. “That’s bull crap Taeyeon. I’m not listening to you. Oppa isn’t that kind of person. I know he isn’t.” “Come on Fany, please listen to me.”

“No, not when all you do is yell at me.” “I thought I already apologized for that.” “Saying sorry doesn’t erase everything Tae. That moment really hurt me. I don’t want you to hurt me again.” “But you’ll be even more hurt if you don’t listen to me!” “Enough. I don’t want to hear it. If you don’t mind,” and she gestured Taeyeon out the door. No matter how hard she tried to forget this conversation ever happening, Tiffany knew there must be some truth behind all the stuff she said. She cares too much for me, she thought. -“Sica. She won’t believe me.” “You can’t blame her. She’s completely head over heels for this guy. It’s hard for me to even comprehend what you’re saying here.” “Wait. You don’t believe me either?!” She was shocked. “I do, I do. It’s just, truthfully, oppa has really been nothing but caring towards her. Even I can see it.” “Aish. Jung Sooyeon, seriously? You doubt me? I swear every word I say is true.”

“I don’t doubt what you said. I just find it hard to believe, that’s all. Nothing more.” “…If only Tiffany wasn’t that stubborn, and deep in ‘love’.” Taeyeon couldn’t even think about her and him, and associate them with that word, together. “Says the person who made her mad in the first place… Oh the irony.” Sarcastic Sica strikes back. “Shut up.” “Meh. I don’t have to.” She knew somehow, she needed to convince Tiffany that what she heard was indeed true; she didn’t want her to get hurt. Why do I care so much about her? She was wondering. “So…why do you care so much?” “Huh?” “About Fany I mean.” “Don’t you care too!? This is our best friend we’re talking about. I don’t want her to get hurt. You don’t either right?” “Of course I don’t want to see her hurt. But you know, she chose this path… and she chose not to believe you, so why not just accept that? Why are you trying so hard?”

“…Sica, I often think about that too… Why do I even bother with her? When I know she won’t listen, and what I say to her goes in one ear and out the other… I’ve thought about that so many times.” “And…?” “…Nothing.” “You haven’t figured out anything?” “… Other than the fact that she’s stubborn and won’t listen to her wise friend here… Nope.” “Sigh…there’s no hope.” “What do you mean?” “I don’t know. Do you ever consider her… as, you know, more than just your best friend?”

Two

“What are you talking about Sica?”

“You heard me. Now answer me.”

“…Yeah, of course. She’s my best best best-est friend. In the whole wide world. Even in this situation. This crappy broken friendship we are experiencing right now…”

Ignoring the fact that Taeyeon had basically just told her that she thought of Tiffany as more of a best friend than herself, she didn’t really care. In fact, it’s what she wanted Taeyeon to realize.

“No. I mean. In a different way.”

“What other way is there?”

“Oh my God, Taeyeon, stop taking things so literally. Why do you always have to play with words? What I mean is, do you think of Tiffany in that way?”

“Dammit, Sica. WHAT WAY?”

“For goodness sake,” she face palmed herself before shouting, “DO YOU LIKE TIFFANY?”

Surprised was all Taeyeon’s face expressed.

“…Wait, do you mean like, like like?”

“No crap I mean like like.”

“…What kind of a question is that Sica? Why would I ever like like my best friend? And she’s even a girl!”

“How am I supposed to know?! That’s the only reasonable explanation I can think of. It’s probably much better than whatever you came up with, cough cough

Tiffany is stubborn and you are wise cough cough. If you are wise, Taeyeon, then I wake up at 6 am every morning to go jogging.” Jessica was clearly frustrated.

Still processing this inside her head, Taeyeon couldn’t help but think that it all made sense. But she couldn’t accept it. What is this crazy girl telling me? That I like girls? No way.

“I-I – ”

“Think about it Tae, you don’t have to rush these things… but really think carefully. I’m only trying to help.” She gave a soft smile.

“Thanks, Sica. Thanks. Really.”

“My pleasure,” she smiled again.

After Jessica left the shorter girl, she went straight to her room and lay down on her bed. My bed is always my best friend. It’s been there for me, through everything. It’s seen me laugh, cry, stress…everything. And it never leaves.

Staring at the ceiling, all she could think about was what had just happened. Is what Sica said true? Do I really have feelings for my best friend? Is that why I’m always worrying about her, and I can’t even think straight? Sigh…Maybe a good night sleep would make me feel better. She was so wrong; that whole night, she couldn’t stop thinking about it.

--

Tiffany, after hearing what Taeyeon had said, also didn’t get much sleep. Her bother was different from Taeyeon’s bother, but it still bothered her very much. What if everything Tae-tae said was true? She was starting to doubt her oppa. But she couldn’t bring herself to think about her oppa that way. She had always known the good side of her oppa, always caring, never doing anything that would hurt her. She didn’t want to think about it, and decided to trust her oppa instead, after what Taeyeon had done.

She called her oppa. “Oppa! Do you want to meet today? We haven’t done much in a while…”

“… Okay sure… I kind of wanted to tell you something too. Meet at the usual place later okay?”

“Sure, oppa. See you there.”

--

On the other side of the line, that oppa was doing things that nobody would ever want to see.

“Who—was—uh—that?”

“Just that chick. Don’t worry, I’m breaking it off with her later,” he managed to say while catching his breath.

--

Just then, a wandering Taeyeon bumped into a waiting Tiffany.

“Hi,” the shorter one managed to say.

“Hi.”

“How is everything?”

“Fine.”

“Did he try anything on you?”

“Do you STILL believe that he’s going to dump me?”

“Well I did hear him say it, straight from his mouth. So, yeah.”

“Then move. He even says he’s meeting me here later.”

“Then I’ll stay here. I’m not letting him do anything.”

“Fine. Do as you wish. But we’re leaving later anyways.”

At that moment, they heard a scream from the bathroom. Both were concerned so they decided to barge into the bathroom, fearing something serious had happened.

As they opened the door, four pairs of eyes began staring at each other. It was such a disturbing sight, that the two wished they never had to witness. Taeyeon finally came to her senses and quickly looked at Tiffany. The latter had a look of disbelief on her face, filled with complete shock. Her senses also kicked in, and she turned and ran away, tears began to stream down her face.

Taeyeon realized what had just happened. “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO. YOU DIRTY, GROSS, SCUMBAGS.” And she kicked him where it hurts most.

She also turned and ran, more concerned about Tiffany than that retard.

“Fany!! Wait up!”

But it was too late. There was no sign of her whatsoever. “Dammit. Fany-ah, where have you gone?”

She immediately called Jessica and explained to her everything that had happened, and they searched all over town to find the girl. But there was no such luck.

--

It was night time, and both girls had been exhausted searching everywhere they possibly could, looking for the girl.

Taeyeon and Jessica both decided it was too dark and too late to continue the search, and both headed home.

As Taeyeon walked closer to her house, she saw a figure sitting by her door. It can’t be…

She walked closer, and her thoughts were confirmed.

“TIFFANY!” She ran to the girl and embraced her in the tightest hug possible.

“…Tae-tae… help me…” She looked lifeless. As if something had sucked the soul completely out of her. Taeyeon couldn’t help but cry at this sight.

“Fany, get up. How long have you been sitting here? You know you’re going to get sick! Get up and come in.”

She was so weak and drained of energy that she couldn’t even do that simple request.

“…I can’t. Tae-tae…”

With her small body, Taeyeon did all she could to carry the taller girl and into the house. Her hands and feet were colder than ever, and her face was completely pale.

“Oh my God, Fany. How long were you out there?” Taeyeon’s tears had fallen out of her eyes.

“…I don’t know…” Another lifeless response from Tiffany.

“Fany-ah. Please don’t do this, you’re scaring me. So much. Don’t do this. I’m scared…”

With a weak smile, Fany tried to comfort her. “Don’t worry…Tae…I’m…fine.”

“No you’re not! Hwang Miyoung! Do you know how much I worried about you?! How long I went to search for you! Do you know how much I care for you?!” The tears didn’t stop.

By this time, Tiffany was barely awake. Every energy particle in her body had been sucked out. And slowly, she fell asleep.

Fany-ah, do you know how much I worried about you? How much I just want to hold you in my arms and tell you that I can make everything better?

It was that night that Taeyeon realized everything Jessica said was true. She didn’t know when it started, or what started it through the many years of their friendship, but seeing Tiffany like that made her heart break into a million little pieces. Tiffany was hurting; it’s a fact, but Taeyeon was hurting even more seeing her like this.

--

The next day was much better. Tiffany looked like a human being again, but still didn’t respond much to anything. And Taeyeon decided to do everything she could to take care of Tiffany.

There was a sudden whisper.

“I’m sorry.”

“…Did you say something Fany-ah?”

“Yeah… I’m sorry Tae-tae.”

“About what? Don’t be sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“No. I have to apologize.. Sorry I didn’t listen to you.”

“Don’t think about that right now! I never blamed you.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“Why do you care?”

“What?”

“About me. Why do you care so much? I would have expected you to laugh in my face and tell me ‘haha! Told you so!’ after how I treated you.”

“…Don’t be so childish. We’re not five years old, Fany-ah.”

“But why…?”

I wish I could just tell you that it’s because I have feelings for you Tiffany, the girl thought.

“Because… you are my best friend. And I can’t bear to see you hurt.”

“But… how I treated you. Aren’t you mad?”

“Again, Fany, we aren’t five.”

“I sure acted like I was… I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry.”

“Sorry.”

“UGHH. Enough with the sorry… anyways, are you feeling alright?”

“I would be lying if I said I was.”

“Don’t think about it too much. He’s a jerk, and you deserve so much better than him.”

“Thanks, Tae. I should have listened to you to begin with.”

“It’s not your fault. He was manipulative.”

“It is my fault, for falling for him… But he was so nice, so perfect,” tears started gathering up in her eyes again.

Taeyeon went over and hugged the crying girl. She wished she could stay there and hold her like that forever, but she knew she couldn’t.

--

Tiffany had been staying with Taeyeon ever since the incident. And although she acted fine most of the time, at night, she could hear the girl crying. In the morning, she would have puffy eyes and Taeyeon noticed this. She just never mentioned it.

Days went on normally, for the most part. They resumed school, and that “oppa” had disappeared. They were glad, for their sake, and for his sake.

But no matter how much time was given for Tiffany to recover, she never returned to the old shining, smiling, Tiffany anymore. There were rarely any eye-smiles now, and her personality became cold. She liked living with Taeyeon so she stayed there, but even at home, they barely talked. And if they did, it was usually about school matters.

--

It was another night time at Taeyeon’s house and she suddenly heard sobs coming out of the bathroom.

“Fany? Are you in there?”

No response.

“Fany-ah. Open the door.”

She unlocked the door.

“Fany-ah, please don’t cry. It breaks my heart to see you like this,” Taeyeon once again wrapped her arms around Tiffany calming the younger girl.

“I’m sorry Tae-tae, I just can’t help it. Every time I think about him, I remember all our memories, and all the good times we had… I can’t forget them…”

“It’s the past now. You have to learn to move on.”

“But I can’t Tae-tae… I gave the best six months of my life to him. I miss him so much…” Taeyeon’s heart dropped. It felt like someone had stabbed her in the heart, but she wasn’t able to die. “Fany-ah, he didn’t deserve you. You can get so much better than him. Why do you keep dwelling on him? He didn’t treat you half as well as I- ” she stopped herself before she finished. “As well as someone else could have treated you!”

Luckily Tiffany didn’t notice her small mistake.

“But he was the best thing that ever happened to me… Tae-tae, I’m such a fool. I can’t even let him go, even though he was such a bad person. I just can’t. I never felt this way about another guy…”

Taeyeon didn’t talk back; all she did was keep the girl she loved in her arms trying to comfort her. “It’s alright. Cry it all out on me.”

“Why are you so nice to me? Tae-tae, you don’t have to do this, you know that.”

“I do it because I want to Fany-ah, not because I have to.”

“I don’t deserve your efforts. It’s all being wasted anyways, I’m not recovering…”

Never ever say that Tiffany Hwang, because you are worth all my efforts. I will always be here for you whenever you need me. Always.

“You will one day. And until then, I’m here for you, as your best friend,” she smiled to her, and for once in a long time, Tiffany genuinely smiled back.

--

Tiffany’s condition gradually improved as the days passed, but Taeyeon had also become busier and busier. Her father had recently fallen sick, and Taeyeon had to take up a lot of the family work, which meant spending less time with Tiffany.

She thought that Tiffany had been handling it pretty well, and it would not be necessary to keep as close of a watch on her now. But Tiffany was still broken.

Jessica was not able to help much because she lived further away, and the two barely talk now, after everything that had happened.

Without anybody constantly spending time with Tiffany, she wasn’t able to think straight again. She depended on activities to get her mind off of things. And one of these activities was drinking. She knew very well that she was underage, but she didn’t care. As long as she looked the part, there was nothing the people could do about it.

Taeyeon slowly began to learn about her drinking habits. “Yah! Quit drinking won’t you! You’re underage for goodness sakes!”

“What can you do about it? You love me too much,” she was drunk while saying this, but it hit Taeyeon hard, because every word was true.

“Just stop. Okay? I don’t want to see you like this. Wasted and all. Just don’t. You’re killing yourself.” And you’re killing me on the inside.

“I can’t. I started, I can’t go back anymore. Taeyeon-ah. You don’t spend time with me, Sica is not even in my life anymore, so I depend on other things.” She raised her beer bottle.

Taeyeon slowly realized that she had caused the girl she loves to become like this. Dammit, why don’t I notice these things? Why didn’t she just ask me to be with her? Instead of resorting to methods like this.

“Please, I’m begging you. Don’t do this to you, to me.”

“You don’t even care about me anymore, you lied!” She was clearly drunk.

“I do! I do I do I do I do I do! You’re the world to me Fany-ah!” By now, she doubted Tiffany could even understand speech.

The drowsy looking girl pounced herself onto the older girl. “Tae-tae, I’m hurt. I’m getting all those feelings again…about him. I feel empty, that’s why I drink. I’m sorry Tae-tae…”

“Sigh… It’s okay Fany-ah, just please sto—”

She felt a pair of lips silence her. Fany, what on earth are you doing?

Taeyeon was finally able to pull free of the sudden contact. “Yah! Hwang Miyoung, what do you think you’re doing?” She pushed the girl off her.

Tiffany looked hurt, her eyes filled with tears. It looked as if you had come back to her senses. “…Sorry, tae-tae. I’m so sorry.” She held her face in her hands and started crying. Understanding Tiffany’s situation, Taeyeon felt guilty.

“No, I’m the one who should be sorry. I promised I would always be here for you didn’t I? I’m not a good friend…”

Upon hearing this, Tiffany didn’t know what to feel. She knew that she was hurt, and that she was far from recovered from the original heartbreak. She realized she had just done something completely bizarre and probably could never face Taeyeon again. So she stood up and walked towards the door.

“Wait, Fany-ah. Come back.”

She turned back, and Taeyeon approached her with open arms. She accepted the hug, and when she looked at Taeyeon’s face, all she saw was concern and even

pity. She didn’t care. She needed comfort, and Taeyeon was there for her that moment. She held her face gently with one hand, and asked for permission. “Can I…?”

Taeyeon knew she had to do this, even if it wouldn’t be fair for herself. For Tiffany’s sake, for her happiness, for her comfort. “…Go ahead.”

Tiffany released all her feelings onto the sympathetic Taeyeon. Taeyeon could feel the coldness of Tiffany’s hands on her body, and the empty meaning of their contacting lips. Tiffany was just doing this out of lust, and Taeyeon knew. She knew she was being used, but she didn’t care. All she wants is Tiffany’s happiness, and she would do anything for her. Even if it meant being used like this forever.

Fany-ah, you know why I’m doing this for you right? It’s because I love you too much. I don’t want to be friends with benefits, it’s just wrong. But you are my happiness, and I’m fine with anything you do. Even if it means you taking advantage of me, and playing with my feelings. I know you don’t know what I feel for you, but I’m willing to do anything for you.

After they parted, and were calming down, the sounds of breathing, panting, as well as nothingness were broken by a voice.

“Tae-tae, can you promise me something?”

“…huh? Oh. Of course. Anything.”

“Okay. You said you would promise.”

“Yes, and I stick to my word.”

The girl turned towards the shorter girl, with her sparkling dark orbs, looking deep into her eyes.

“Can you promise me, that you’ll never fall in love with me?”

Three

Silence.

“What?”

“…Tae-tae ah…”

“I…” She couldn’t say anything. On one hand she wanted to fulfill what she had just told the other girl that she would promise. But she couldn’t. Not when her feelings tell her something different.

“Please.”

The girl nodded her head, but only a small action. As much as she didn’t want to, she knew she had to. It’s not what I want Fany-ah. And I have already fallen in love with you. I can’t change that. But for your sake, for your happiness… I have to…

The girl’s lips met with her cold ones once again.

“…Tae-tae… please don’t leave me… not here… not all alone. Please…” Taeyeon could feel drips of tears on her face.

She wrapped her arms around the crying girl, and held her.

“I’m not going anywhere, Fany-ah. Always here. Always.” Do you know much it hurts me to see you like this? And that I can’t be anything else to you other than a means of escape…?

“…thanks Tae-tae.”

--

The broken girl didn’t drink anymore. Instead of releasing all her emotions that way, she had her best friend, who would relieve her whenever she needed it. She also questioned why her friend would go through all this just to help. But

whenever she thought about it, her mind would go back to him, and she couldn’t help but feel depressed again. And when her emotional state got the better of her, she would go back to Taeyeon again. It was like a never ending cycle that she thought she would never get out of.

It’s not like Jessica didn’t ever want to come back into her life. It’s just that Tiffany distanced herself even more than she already had before. She didn’t trust anyone, she didn’t talk to anyone, she didn’t connect. The only person she trusted was Taeyeon, but even with her they barely talked. Most of the time, all she had to do was ask the older girl a simple, “Can we…?”, and the girl would never say no.

This went on for over a year. They couldn’t even count how many times Tiffany had had to relieve herself. And every time she did, Taeyeon would cry afterwards. Not that she ever knew.

“Sica…” she would always appear in front of the girl with puffy eyes.

“What’s wrong this time?”

“…”

“Her again?”

She nods.

“Sigh… Taeyeon-ah… come here.” She pulled the girl in for a hug.

“…I c-can’t do th-this much lo-onger…” She stuttered as her tears began to fall.

“It’s okay Tae-tae. Do you think you’re doing the right thing?”

“I d-don’t even kn-know anymore…”

“Listen Tae. This thing called love. If I could ever experience it, even if it means being a fool for life, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second. You got that? And if you really love her, do what you think is best.”

Taeyeon took a second to take this in. Jessica always knew what to say, and though the older girl didn’t know if the other girl was speaking the truth or just out of wanting to comfort her, she felt it was true.

“Do you think I’m doing the right thing?” She was a bit calmer now.

“Only if you think you are. If you feel it’s right, then it is. I’m just here to help you realize that.”

“But it feels hopeless… it’s not like she’ll ever realize, let alone accept it.”

“You can’t stop just because you think it’s never going to work out. Right?”

“I guess…”

“You better not back out now, after it took me that long to figure it out for you.” She stuck her tongue out.

The shorter girl laughed. “Yeah. Thanks Sica.” Her heart was not fully convinced though. Will this ever be enough…? Will you ever be mine?

--

Gradually, even Tiffany didn’t need to depend on Taeyeon as much anymore. She didn’t need her anymore. And Taeyeon noticed this. The time they spent together grew lesser and lesser, and although Taeyeon felt glad she wasn’t just an object to be used anymore, she felt even more distant. Tiffany had moved out and they barely saw each other anymore. The friendship that used to be, the tight bond that was present a few years ago shared by the three of them, was now almost completely gone.

What happened to us, Tiffany? Where are you…? The real you. Taeyeon would often think.

It wasn’t long after that Taeyeon saw Tiffany outside, with another guy. Taeyeon really wanted to just go up to them and disturb them, but the look on Tiffany’s face stopped her. She looked happy. She hasn’t seen that smile in the longest time, and if he could give her that happiness, there was no way Taeyeon could stop him. I don’t mind being that fool, Fany-ah. Really. If you can find happiness with him, go on. I’ll be here watching over you.

And for the first time in months, Taeyeon called Tiffany.

“Hey, Fany-ah. Do you want to have a drink with me?”

“Yeah, sure. I’m not busy. How about later?”

“That’s fine with me. See you then.”

The conversation was very distant, almost awkward. At least she still wants to see me… Not like the first time, when she basically neglected the entire world. I guess she’s learned. The meeting wasn’t much better. In fact, awkward would be an understatement. There were barely any words exchanged other than the casual, “Hi,” and “How’s it going?” But Taeyeon had had a reason to come out to talk to her. After probably half an hour of awkward silence, Taeyeon finally spoke up.

“So… how are you doing? With him, I mean.”

“Oh… you mean oppa? It’s going pretty well. I mean, he’s really nice.”

“Don’t be fooled Fany-ah.”

“I won’t.”

“I want to make sure, and get it into that stubborn head of yours.”

“Sheesh, I learned my lesson already…” Taeyeon could tell she didn’t want to revisit memories again.

“I just don’t want you getting hurt again.”

“I get it.”

“No you don’t. If he ever hurts you, just tell me okay?”

“Why do you even care so much?” She was blunt.

Silence.

“Because.”

“What?”

“Because I’m your best friend.” The older girl used that excuse again.

“I don’t want you to care so much. It’s not like I’ve been much of a friend to you anyways.”

How can I not care about you? I will never stop caring for you, not even if you abandon me. I’ll always be somewhere near whenever you need me. She thought, but what she really said was, “…Oh.”

“Anyways, I gotta run. See you later Tae?”

“…Yeah. Sure.” All she felt was anguish. So much so that she had to keep herself from crying. I try so hard to protect you; I spend every day worrying about you. But all you want is for me to back off and not care? Why do I do this to myself…?

She calls Jessica. “Hey, Sica…? Can you be with me right now?”

“Of course. I’ll be there in a sec.”

Almost fifteen minutes later, she blurrily sees a figure come in through the door.

“Yah, Taeng, what’s wrong?”

“I just met with Tiffany…” she couldn’t help herself from crying. “She told me, that I should just back off and stay out of her life…”

This was the first time that Jessica didn’t even tell her anything back. All she did was pull her into a hug, as she soothed the crying girl.

--

Ring ring. Tiffany looks at her caller ID, and a surprised look appears on her face.

Incoming Call: Jessica~

Jessi? Why would you call me all of a sudden? After how many years of not talking…? She picked up the phone anyways.

“Hello? Jessi?”

Silence.

“Meet me at the place.” Beep. The call was cut off.

What place could that be? And then it hit her. Her best friend, or former best friend, had been referring to the park that they used to go to all the time when they were just children. She couldn’t help but reminisce about those times, when there

was not a care in the world, and the only things they had to worry about were birthday parties and such. She smiled. When she arrived at the park, it was already night time. And she saw a short blonde figure sitting on the swings. Must be her. She slowly approached the girl.

“…Hi.”

The other girl turned around slowly. She was never one to have small talk so she got straight to the point.

“Sit.”

The younger girl listened.

“Jessi, we haven’t talked in so long… Why did you suddenly want to call me out?”

“It’s regarding Taeyeon.”

“Huh? Tae-tae? I saw her today. Did something happen to her?”

“Yes, something happened to her. Something’s been happening to her for a long time.”

“What? Really? How come I didn’t know?”

“Because… You don’t care, Tiffany.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Sigh… Have you ever noticed anything about her? The way she acts?”

“Yeah. Of course. She acts like she’s my best friend.” She was clearly confused.

“No, I mean, anything more?”

“Umm. Not really.”

“Why are you so stubborn?”

“Excuse me? Years of not talking, and all you have to say to me is that I’m stubborn?”

“Can’t you see that the little shorty is in love with you?!”

Tiffany was shocked. Her eyes were huge, looking at the other girl in disbelief.

“Do you know how much pain she’s in? As we are speaking? She’s been in love with you for years now, but she was never able to tell you. Because she cares about your happiness. For your sake, she sacrificed herself, not caring when you wanted to take advantage of her. She does it ALL for you, so YOU can feel better.” As she was saying this, tears built up in her eyes without her even noticing it.

“I… don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t. All you ever cared about was you. You, you, you. That’s why we didn’t even talk for the past two years. I know you were going through a hard time, but you closed yourself from everybody. The only person there for you was Taeyeon…”

“I know. And I’m grateful, but… she even said it herself. She did that because she’s my best friend.” She replied remembering her countless conversations with the older girl.

“She only says that because of you. That stupid promise.”

“What promise?”

“The one you made with her over a year ago. When she gave her whole self to you. That first night.”

She was trying to remember. It was too long ago, not to mention, Tiffany never wanted to think about anything regarding that incident. But suddenly, it hit her. It was that promise.

“You told her to never fall in love with you…”

No response.

“But you didn’t even know, that she had already fallen in love with you back then. Tiffany, you don’t know how much pain she had to endure, how much she had to suffer because of you. Just so you can be happy. Do you know that she’s crying right now? She cries herself to sleep every night!”

“What? But why..?”

“Because she knows. She knows that she’ll never have any chance with you. That you think of her merely as a bandage. You only need her when you’re sad… But she’s sad all the time. Can you step into her shoes for a moment? Why do you think she does all this?!” “That’s what I’ve always wondered…”

“Well, now you know. It was because of that stupid promise that day. She can’t tell you because it’ll break you, and trouble you even more. She loves you too much to put you through hell again.”

Oh, Tae-tae. Why did you never tell me? Why do you keep everything to yourself? Why are you doing this to yourself?!

“And can you tell me that you never thought the same about her? Huh?” the blonde kept questioning. “Why did you suddenly just leave her after using her so many times?”

She had to think about this. Why did she stop? Why did she want to move on? “It’s cuz… it’s cuz I didn’t want to cause her any more trouble. I didn’t want to keep this on forever. I felt bad for her. I tried to distract myself by finding someone else, again.”

Realizing what she had just said, her feelings became apparent. The whole time, she had been feeling apologetic to her best friend, and she didn’t want to keep hurting her.

“I’m sorry Jessi. I really gotta see Taeyeon right now. Thanks…for everything.” She smiled. Tae-tae, wait for me. I’m coming. I’m sorry, to you, and to Sica. Why was I so stupid?

--

Bang bang bang! The girl was knocking so furiously on the door, she felt like her hand was going to break off.

“KIM TAEYEON! OPEN UP! I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!”

There was no response.

“Please! Taeyeon! I have something important to say! Just please listen to me!”

Taeyeon was standing right behind the door, but she didn’t want to open it. She still hasn’t recovered from her crying session yet, to face the girl once again.

“I’m going to say it anyways. I don’t know if you’re listening or not. If you are, please give me a response after, if you’re not, then I guess I ran out of luck. But here goes.”

She took a big breath.

“Kim Taeyeon. I have realized my mistake. I never meant to do any of this to you! I didn’t know you were hurting so much. But it hit me today. I found out why I made you promise to that stupid rule that time. I didn’t want you to fall in love with me, because I knew that I would end up having feelings for you too. And I was being a selfish jerk. I didn’t want to go through all that again. You know, falling in love. It’s too painful…”

She suddenly heard a voice. The voice replied, “I know. I’ve been there.” And Tiffany looks up to see the other girl.

She immediately pulls the girl into a tight hug, like she never wanted to let go, ever.

“I’m sorry, Tae-tae… I didn’t know you were suffering so much, all because of me. I’m so stupid. I don’t deserve you…”

“Don’t ever say that, Fany-ah. You don’t know how much you mean to me. All these years, what I felt for you. I love you so much, and I never want you to get hurt.”

A tear fell down her cheek. “But why? Tae-tae, why did you keep holding on…even though I told you never to fall in love with me?”

She used her thumb to wipe away the tear. “Because. I guess I’m just stubborn. I chose to be that fool, the fool who just stands on the sidelines and watches, hoping that one day the girl she loves would realize that she had been there all along. I guess it paid off.” She smiled.

She leaned in towards the taller girl for a kiss. Her lips were warm and the kiss was just a chaste one, but it meant so much more than any kiss they ever shared before.

“I’m never leaving, Tae-tae ah. It’s too painful to let go of the one I love.”

And they kissed again. You’re finally mine, Fany-ah.

Four

“You can’t escape anymore Fany-ah. You know that right?”

“Mhmm. I know that very well, and it’s a good thing.” She smiled and her eyes disappeared, something Taeyeon had not seen in a long time, too long in fact.

“And I can finally hold your hand, and tell you that you’re pretty every day.”

“Tae-tae, it’s starting to get cheesy.”

“I don’t care.”

“But I do.” She looked down, making an effort not to meet Taeyeon’s eyes.

“Huh? Why?”

She was still looking down. “Because, Tae-tae, if you talk about it, I’m reminded of how stupid I was. And how much I hurt you…”

“Hey, don’t feel bad. It was my fault the whole time. You’re blaming yourself too much, Fany-ah.” Taeyeon meant this. No matter how much she had to suffer, she endured it, and not knowing that she would ever have her. But now she does, and she could not ask for anything more.

“I don’t deserve you, really…” “Stop saying that.”

“But it’s true.”

“And you’re still stubborn as ever.”

“Hey. You’re the stubborn one, even Jessi said so!”

“…Jessi?”

“Oh. Right. I forgot to tell you…”

“You met her?”

“Yeah, we’re on speaking terms again.”

“That’s good.” Wait, does this mean she told you?

“I missed that girl. How long has it been?”

“About two years.”

“Wow. That long. What have I done to our relationship?”

“Tell me about it.” This earned her a smack on the arm from the taller girl. “Hey! Don’t hit me! Just because I’m small doesn’t mean you should take advantage of it, you know.”

“Hehe, I was just playing. Sorry Tae-tae,” she said with the cutest pouty face. Taeyeon really just couldn’t resist kissing the girl.

“Hey, not now. This is supposed to be a special moment.”

“It is! That’s why I’m doing this.” A grin appeared on her face.

“Byuntae. Always was and always will be.”

“I disagree, but I’m glad you still remember our past memories.” This time, her smile was sincere.

“Of course, Tae-tae.” She smiled. “I would never forget them. I just want to erase these past two years from my memory forever though.”

“Even now?” Taeyeon asked, with a tone of insecurity in her voice.

“Nope.” This time it was the younger girl’s turn to peck the other girl on the lips.

She smiled. “I like this.”

“Yah, again with the Byun.”

“Nonono, I meant, us.” She blushed.

“Awww, Tae-tae’s blushing!”

There was no point in hiding her face. Plus, as long as she could see Tiffany smile, she couldn’t care less if anything happened to her.

“Only for you.” She smiled again.

“I wish I could have realized ages ago… about you. Us.”

“Don’t go there again.”

“I know. It’s just… You’re so cute! I want to pinch your cheeks Tae-tae!” She had fooled the shorter girl.

“No pinching the Tae-tae. I have a rule for that. So, only kisses are allowed.” A smirk.

“Byun, so completely a byuntae. You can’t be helped.”

“Again, only for you.”

“Fany-ah, it’s getting pretty late. I think you should go home.” It took a lot of effort for Taeyeon to say that.

“But-”

“No buts. I don’t want you going home in the middle of the night.”

“Ahahaha, no ‘butts’. And you think you’re not a byun?” She was still laughing at her own lame joke.

“Ha ha ha. SO PUNNY.”

“You’re so lame Tae. You know that right?”

“Says the one who came up with ‘butts’ from ‘buts’. I think you win this lame contest.”

“Whatevs. Yeah, I should go now.. Maybe, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Her eyes suddenly lit up.

Taeyeon couldn’t help but laugh at the girl’s cuteness, and of course she couldn’t refuse.

“Okay. Maybe. Go home for now. I’ll text you later.”

“Yeah, and maybe I’ll go pay a late night visit to Jessi. I kinda need to thank her.”

“For what?”

“Just cuz.”

“Oh.” Obviously there was a reason, but Taeyeon just didn’t feel like asking. “Okay then. Just don’t stay too late. And remember to get home before 1 AM. Okay? I’ll call you to make sure you got home. Actually, you better call me.”

“Sigh… Overprotective mother.”

“I just can’t lose you.”

Hearing that, Tiffany looked up to see the sincerity in Taeyeon’s eyes. She gave a light smile. “Okay. Don’t worry, I will.”

“Good night Fany. See you tomorrow then!”

“Alright. You promised okay?” She waved as she was walking away from the house.

“Yup!” Sigh… You’re such a dorky kid sometimes Fany. But I love you for that. I’m so glad that you’re finally mine. I’m never going to lose you, not again.

--

While walking home, Tiffany suddenly remembered that there was still something else to deal with… her boyfriend. She couldn’t just hide it from him; that would be cheating.

I totally forgot about him. I have to tell him, so he at least gets a proper explanation. I can’t do this to him. She sighed.

The girl took out her phone and looked at the time.

12:18 AM

I still have time. Tae-tae said 1 AM right? Yeah, I think I’ll get home by then. She smiled. She dialed his phone number and held the phone to her ear, standing out in the cold.

“Hello?” she heard a man’s voice.

“Hi oppa.”

“Hey Tiffany! What’s up? Late at this hour?”

“Um. Nothing really.” She lied.

“Oh, so you just missed me?” She could tell he was teasing her.

“Erm. No. Actually, oppa, can we meet?”

“Yeah of course. I thought we had plans for tomorrow.”

“I meant like, now.”

“Now?” “Yeah.”

“In the middle of the night?”

“It’s not that late.”

“…Well, okay then. Where?”

“Just at the park. You know that one?”

“Mhmm. Alright then, see you later I guess?”

“Yeah.”

-Beep-

Wow… I am such a bad person. How am I even supposed to face him? Tell him that I’m suddenly in love with my best friend who’s a girl?

All these thoughts crowded her mind as she was walking back to the park where she had been just a few hours earlier. She was happy, that Taeyeon had actually accepted her, but so confused, not knowing how to break the news to her boyfriend.

Trying to come up with all the possible ways of wording the situation, so her boyfriend would not be as shocked, the girl kept walking. She was completely ignoring her surroundings, but thankfully careful enough to stop at the intersection.

She stood there for a good minute, again, lost in her own thoughts. When she remembered where she was and what she was doing, she looked up at the light and saw the green man, signalling her to cross.

Step. Step. Step.

Tae-tae, how should I tell him? I don’t want to hurt him, but I know I have to tell him… She was too lost in her own thoughts.

Step. Step. Step.

A bright light shined in her direction. A loud screech. Bam.

Next thing she knew, she was lying on the ground, and she heard sounds of a vehicle driving away.

Ow. I can’t move. What happened? Tae-tae ah, where…are…you…? I…can’t…lose…you…

Her eyes slowly closed and she let out a small mumble, “Tae…”

Five

1:15 AM

Taeyeon looked up at her clock. She should be home by now, right? Should I give her a call? What if she thinks I’m annoying?

She hesitated to just pick up her phone and call the girl.

Aish… whatever. I know I won’t be able to sleep unless I call her to make sure she’s home anyways.

She called.

No answer.

She tried again.

Still no answer.

Fany-ah, why aren’t you picking up?

She dialed again.

“The customer you are calling is temporarily unavailable at the moment. Please try again later,” was all she heard from her phone.

“Fany, didn’t I tell you to call me when you got home? Did you forget and just fall asleep?” She muttered aloud.

Just then, her cell phone rang.

Incoming Call: Unknown

…Hmm. Unknown? Who could it be?

She clicked answer, curious to know who would be calling her, especially this late.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Miss Taeyeon Kim?”

“Yes, that’s me. But how do you know my name, and who are you?”

“Oh. Um, I’m Tiffany’s boyfriend. And I was just wondering if you have seen her recently, like in the past few hours? I know you’re her best friend, so I was just wondering…”

“Actually I have. But that was over an hour ago.”

“Oh really?” “Yeah. Wait, how do you know my number and why are you suddenly asking this?”

“Oh, um. I just remember seeing your number on her phone all the time. And she called me about an hour ago asking to meet me at the park. I’ve been waiting for almost forty five minutes, but she hasn’t showed up yet. So I was just wondering…”

Park? Didn’t I tell her to go straight home?

“I see… well, I just tried calling her cell phone but it doesn’t seem like anyone’s answering.”

“Yeah, same with me.”

“Maybe she’s home?”

“But she specifically asked to meet me at this time…”

“Oh.”

“I don’t know. She’s usually never late…”

“Maybe I’ll go look around.” What is that girl thinking? Not listening to me, and now not answering her phone calls?

“Alright then. Me too. Call me if anything happens, okay? Miss Taeyeon?”

“Okay. And just call me Taeyeon. I don’t like formal greetings.”

He let out a nervous chuckle. “I see. Alright then. Taeyeon.”

-Beep-

Fany, where are you?

She decided to look for the missing girl. Suddenly, she remembered something. Jessica… Tiffany mentioned Jessi before she left.

She took out her phone and dialed the familiar number.

“Hello? Taeng?”

“Jessi! Have you seen Fany?” She could hear the panic in her voice.

“…Yeah.”

“When? Where? Why?”

“At the park. A few hours ago…”

“You just suddenly met her?”

“Well, it was after you called me.”

“What did you guys meet for?”

“… I told Fany everything…”

“You what?”

“I’m sorry Taeng. But I couldn’t see you like that anymore. Wait, why? What happened?”

“No wonder she mentioned you earlier…”

“Huh? You guys met after?”

“Yup. And… stuff happened. Let’s just say she finally understands.” She smiled.

“Oh my gosh! Really Taeng? And you’re not mad at me?”

“Not really… not now at least. There’s other stuff to worry about.”

“Hmm? Like what?”

“Tiffany’s missing. I can’t contact her… even her boyfriend called me.”

“Her boyfriend? I thought you said…”

“I did. But she didn’t have the chance to tell him ye—” It hit her. The reason why Tiffany’s boyfriend would have called her looking for Tiffany was because Tiffany must have wanted to talk to him. “Sorry Jessi, I have to go look for her. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Oh. Okay Taeng, um, call me if you need anything?” She was confused but hearing how much of a hurry Taeyeon was in, she didn’t dare ask.

She remembered distinctly that Tiffany’s boyfriend had called her telling her that he was waiting for her at the park. Maybe she wanted to talk to him…

*Ring ring* It was her phone. She recognized the number; it was him again.

“Hello?”

“Hello Taeyeon.” He sounded out of it, and there was not much emotion in his voice.

“What is it? Anything happen?”

“…”

“Why’d you call if you’re not going to say anything?”

“I found her.”

“Really?! Where? I’m heading over to the park right now actually.”

“Don’t bother. I think you better head to the hospital instead…”

“What are you talking about??”

“I think Tiffany was in a car crash.” She could hear his voice was starting to tremble.

“…What?” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“I found her lying on the road… there was a lot of blood…”

Taeyeon was in so much shock she almost dropped her phone. She didn’t know what to think. She was lost in her own world. On one hand she couldn’t really believe what she had just heard, but there was no reason for him to lie like that. He didn’t sound like he was lying either.

“Taeyeon? Hello?”

She didn’t react, still lost in shock.

“Are you okay? Taeyeon?”

“…No…” And she hung up on him.

Why is this happening to me? Just when I get her…

Tears began to build up in her eyes. There was no way she could get to the hospital fast enough by feet, and there were no taxis around at this time. She picked up her phone once again.

“Taeyeon?”

“Sica! Can you please give me a ride to the hospital right now?”

“Um. Sure, but what happened? Are you hurt?”

“Tiffany got sent to the hospital…”

“WHAT?!”

“Her boyfriend said she got into a car crash… and…” She couldn’t hold her tears back. Her speech became broken and she couldn’t finish her thought.

Jessica was confused, but there was no time for her to think or cry. She just had to tell herself to focus. “I’ll be there in a second. Taeng, you stay there okay?”

--

The ride to the hospital was quiet. Only sounds of sobbing were heard. Jessica couldn’t come up with a way to comfort Taeyeon this time. They drove there in silence.

When they arrived, Taeyeon immediately dashed inside the hospital and asked where Tiffany was. Her face expressed fear, panic, and grief all mixed together. Taeyeon was still crying when they rode the elevator the floor where Tiffany was.

As the elevator doors opened, Taeyeon spotted Tiffany’s boyfriend sitting on a chair. She ran to him, and Jessica followed closely.

Taeyeon could barely see his face, as his head was ducked and he was staring at the floor.

“Hi…”

He looked up to see two girls; both looked tired and he could tell they had also been crying.

“…You must be Taeyeon.”

“Yeah. And this is Jessica,” she pointed at her friend. “Where is Tiffany?” She was a lot calmer now, and was able to ask that without bursting into tears at the thought of losing the one she loves.

He pointed to the room across from them. The lights were still on, meaning that the operation was still in process.

The three of them sat in silence, waiting for the operation to finish.

Fany-ah, you have to pull through. I can’t lose you, not again… not after I just got you back. Please… don’t leave me all alone… Taeyeon’s eyes began to tear up again. And without herself even noticing, a tear trickled down her cheek. She then felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up only to see a comforting smile.

“Don’t cry Taeng. It’s gonna be okay.”

All Taeyeon could do was give her a tiny smile back. It wasn’t sincere, and Jessica knew it.

They waited for another few hours. Finally, the light shut off and the doctor came out. Taeyeon was the first to jump up from her seat.

“Doctor! How is she?”

The doctor didn’t have a happy expression on his face. “Well, the good thing is, she’s alive.”

No words could describe the amount of relief Taeyeon felt when she heard this. Wait, if he said the good thing… then there’s a bad thing?

“But. Unfortunately, we won’t know when she will wake up, or if she will ever wake up. She’s in a coma right now… And also, if she ever wakes up, she might not remember anything. I’m sorry.” “Oh… Nonetheless, thank you so much doctor.” She bowed to express her gratitude. But in her head she was thinking … she might not ever wake up? Why is life testing me again…?

--

A few weeks passed since the accident occurred. Taeyeon had been going to visit Tiffany every day. When she did, she would sit there and hold her hand, and just talk to her. Often times when she visited, her boyfriend was also there. He would do the same thing; hold her hand and talk. But Taeyeon couldn’t just tell him not to do that. He didn’t know what had happened before the accident.

“Hi Fany. It’s been a month now. I miss you. I miss your smile, your laugh, your voice… and your eyes. When will you wake up, Fany-ah?” She squeezed her hand tightly.

There was no response, as usual.

“Please Fany… you promised you were never going to leave me… but you are. Can you please wake up?” Tears began to fall down her face again, while she was still holding to Tiffany’s hand tightly.

As Taeyeon loosened her grip on Tiffany’s hand, she felt the latter grip’s on her own hand. Taeyeon saw that Tiffany was holding onto her hand. Eyes wide, and completely in shock, she then heard sounds coming from her. It was very quiet, but still audible.

Taeyeon leaned in to listen to what she had to say.

“…Oppa…”

“Fany-ah. Can you hear me?”

“…Oppa…” was all Taeyeon could hear. Tiffany’s eyes were slightly open.

“Doctor! Doctor!” Taeyeon sprinted outside the room to look for a doctor, tears still flowing down her face. But the tears were tears of happiness.

--

After the doctor checked on her and told Taeyeon that she was on her full way to recovery, Taeyeon couldn’t be happier.

“Tae-tae~”

“Yes?”

“Where’s oppa?”

“Oh… erm. I already called him. He should be coming soon.” She tried to force a smile.

“Hey,” she lightly hit Taeyeon on the arm, though it was a very light hit. “Aren’t you happy to see me here?” She had to ask, noticing that Taeyeon’s smile was weak, and not to mention, kind of fake. “Of course! I couldn’t be any happier!”

“Then what’s with your expression…?”

“Oh… nothing.”

“Come on Tae-tae. You seriously think you can lie to me? After being best friends for so many years?”

“…We’re just best friends?”

“Fine. We’re not just best friends…”

Taeyeon was expecting to hear something along the lines of them being in a relationship now. But what she heard next made her heart fall to the floor.

“We’re like, the ultimate, unbreakable, absolute, everlasting, best, best, best, best friends. In the entire world. Not even Sica can measure up to this.” She gave her warm eye smile.

“Oh…”

“What now? Isn’t that what you wanted to hear? That you and me are closer than me and Sica?”

“…Not exactly.”

Just then, the familiar figure appeared. He ran into the room. “Tiffany!”

“Oppa!” Her face completely lit up.

He hugged her, and she did her best to hug back.

Taeyeon got up from her seat. “I guess I’ll give you two some time together. I’ll be back later Fany.” She turned and headed out the door.

“Okay, see you later, Tae-tae. Oh! And can you call Sica too?”

“Yeah.”

When she was out the door, she turned back and looked through the window. He leaned in towards her and kissed her. She didn’t refuse.

--

As Taeyeon was walking down the hallway, the doctor who was in charge of Tiffany’s case was walking the opposite way. She noticed Taeyeon’s gloomy expression and also recognized her as one of the people who would always come visit Tiffany.

“Hi there. You’re the girl who knows Tiffany right?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. How do you know?”

“I’ve noticed you always come visit her. Is there anything wrong? You looked kind of, down.”

“Oh. Not much…”

“You’re glad that your friend woke up right?”

“Yes. Of course! But…”

“Any problems?”

“…She doesn’t remember…”

“I see. Do you remember what I said to you right after I finished her surgery?”

“Um…” She was trying to recall that day, and what he said to her, but she couldn’t remember much.

“I told you that even if she does wake up, she might not remember anything. At least she still remembers her friends. A lot of people don’t even remember the ones closest to them.”

“She doesn’t remember the most important thing…” She let out a sigh.

“Well, sometimes the brain wants to erase any painful memories. Maybe there was an incident which caused her a lot of emotional pain, and she forgot. You know, if that’s the case, then I would say forgetting that would be a good thing.”

“…I see.”

“Well, anyways. I have to get back to work.”

“Alright. Thanks.”

--

That night, Taeyeon took a long walk, and somehow, she ended up at the bridge above the Han River. She used to visit the bridge often, as it was a place where she could just shout her heart out. She hasn’t come back for a long time.

She took out her phone, and called Jessica.

“Sica. Can you come to the bridge…? Right now?”

Sure enough, the other girl was on her way.

Still staring out at the river, she began to ponder. What do I do now…?

She didn’t even notice how long she had been standing there. Just then, she heard a familiar voice. “Taeng!” she heard. She looked to where the voice was coming from and saw Jessica running towards her.

“Taeng!” Jessica yelled again while running towards her.

Taeyeon didn’t say anything back, and just looked at her with depressed eyes.

“Taeng! What’s wrong?” Jessica managed to ask, still trying to catch her breath.

Taeyeon still didn’t respond. Instead, her eyes started to tear up. Jessica noticed.

She held her arms open, not knowing why the other girl started to cry. “Come here Taeng.” She embraced the older girl as her sobs became audible. “What’s wrong? You can tell me. You know that.”

But Taeyeon still didn’t respond. They stood there, one hugging the other, for what seemed to be a very long time. Taeyeon’s sobs grew quieter until the point where the other girl didn’t even know if she was still crying.

“Yah, Taeyeon. We can’t just stand here forever. What’s wrong?”

She was still hesitant to talk. But she managed to, somehow. “… I’m sorry Sica.”

“Hmm? What for?”

“For making you come all the way here only to comfort me…”

“Sigh… are you serious Taeng?”

“Huh?”

“You. Are you serious? How can I not care about you? Now… you wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

“Oh…about that…” Her eyes suddenly darted away and couldn’t meet with Jessica’s.

“Did something happen? To Fany?”

“…” She still couldn’t look directly into Jessica’s eyes.

“Tae. You know you can tell me. I’m here to listen.”

“…Fany. She… doesn’t remember.”

“Doesn’t remember what?”

“Us.”

“… why?”

“I don’t know. The doctor says it’s some sort of amnesia…” “I’m so sorry Taeng.” She pulled Taeyeon into an even tighter hug. “We can tell her again. I’m sure if we both tell her again, she’ll definitely remember.”

“Sica…” Taeyeon let go from the hug and looked into the other girl’s eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Please don’t… Don’t ever mention it in front of her again.”

“Why? Don’t you want her to know? After all, you went through so much just so she would know.”

“No. Please don’t. I beg you, Sica. Please.” Her eyes were red again.

“Okay, but. Why?” She was convinced, but she just couldn’t understand why.

“Because. She’s happy the way she is right now. I could tell. She thinks of her oppa as her everything. I saw, ealier.”

“But she can be happier with you!”

“No. I can’t risk it.”

“What’s there to risk?!”

“Everything. Yes, it’s true I want her to remember. We didn’t even start… but we ended already.” She was held back by her tears trickling down her cheeks.

“…Then why not tell her?”

“I can’t tell her. Let’s say she does remember. Then, it’ll mean all those other painful memories also come back. But right now, all that is erased from her mind! She doesn’t know of the painful memories. I can’t risk her remembering. She’s happy now. Let her be.”

“…Taeng. You’re just hurting yourself even more.”

“Better for me to be hurt, than for me to see her in pain.”

“You can’t do this to yourself…”

“Watch me. I’m hopeless as it is. Doing one more foolish thing won’t make much of a difference. Plus, I see how he treats her. He loves her. If he can give her happiness, I’m in no position to step in and take it away from her.”

Jessica didn’t know what to say anymore. It’s not like she could have convinced Taeyeon to change her mind. She had her mind made up, and she wouldn’t change it.

“So… what now?”

“Life will resume. Fany will be happy. And I’ll watch her from afar. Not like that’s not what I’ve been doing for the past few years…” She chuckled, but she knew in her heart it was unreal. “I’ll just think of it as a dream, which I’ve finally woken up from. It was surreal anyways… Time to move on I guess.”

Jessica gave her a concerned look.

“Hey. I’m okay! Don’t worry about me. Thanks for coming out here… it cleared my mind.” She forced a smile. “You better go home now… it’s getting really late.”

“Will you be okay Taeng?”

“Yeah, of course.”

That night, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t help but cry her heart out. She knew in her heart, that there was no way she could ever let go. Fany-ah, go and find your happiness, with him. I’ll always be by your side though, no matter what.

--

6 Years Later

“Congratulations Tiff!” Jessica hugged the girl in the long white wedding gown.

“Thanks Sica! Where’s Taeyeon?”

“Should be arriving soon. Don’t worry, she’ll definitely come.” She smiled. And within a few minutes, a short figure was spotted approaching them. Tiffany was the first to notice and ran towards Taeyeon.

“Tae-tae! You made it!”

“Of course I did! I wouldn’t miss your wedding for anything. Congrats Fany!” She did her best to put on her most sincere smile.

“Thanks Tae-tae.” She smiled back, and her eyes disappeared into crescent shaped moons.

I’ll never get tired of seeing that beautiful smile.

“Tae-tae. You really should find a boyfriend soon. I mean I’m already getting married! You better find someone soon. Or else I’ll start finding people for you!” She teased, and flashed her smile once again.

“…Yeah.” If only… you knew. Fany-ah. Who I’m in love with.

Just then, they heard another excited voice. “There’s my beautiful bride!” He approached the girls and hugged Tiffany from behind. “Hi Taeyeon. Hi Jessica.”

“Hey,” they both replied in unison.

“Congrats,” Taeyeon said.

“Thanks Taeyeon.”

Tiffany turned around to return his hug and he kissed her on her forehead.

“Tiffany, we have to go over there apparently.”

“Oh, okay then.” She turned again to face her two best friends. “I guess I’ll see you in a bit!” And with that, she walked off with her soon to be husband.

Jessica turned to look at Taeyeon. “You okay?”

Taeyeon sighed, but cheerfully replied, “Yup! Can’t bring the mood down. Let’s have fun today, Sica.” She smiled.

That’s right, Fany-ah. Go with him, and find your happiness.

End