This Bridge Called My Back

The1986 Winner0f BEFORE COLTJMBUS FOTJNDATION AMERICAN BOOK

ISBN 0-9i3175-03-x ISBN 0-913175-18-8

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I his Bridge Called My Back intends to reflect an uncompromised definition of feminism by women of color in the United States. tA

Lontaining prose, poetry, personal narrative and analysis by Afro-American, AsianAmerican,Latina, and Native Americarr women, This Bridge Called My Back is divided into six powerful sections.

CxruonnxPAssrHG rNTHEsTREETS The Rootsof Our Radicalism

ENrenrxcrHELrvEsoForHERs

Theory in the Flesh

Ailo wHeil You rEAvE, TAKE YOURPICTURESWITH YOU R a c i s mi n t h e W o m e n ' sM o v e m e n t

BErwsEnrHEuNEs O n C u l t u r e , C l a s sa n d H o m o p h o b i a

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The Third World Woman Writer

El nuroozuRDo

The Vision

KITCHEN TABLE: Women of Color Press

THIS BRIDGE

CALTEDMY BACK WRITINGSBY RADICAL WOMENOF

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EDITORS: -

CHERRIEMORAGA GTORIAANT,ALDUA FOREWORD:

TONICADEBAMBARA KITCHEN TABLE: Women of Color Press €

New York

C o p y r i g h t o I 9 8 1 . 1 9 8 - lb y C h e r r i e M o r a g a a n d G l o r i a A n z a l d r i a . All rights reserved.-Nopart of this book may be reproducedwithout permissionin writing from the publisher.Publishedin the United Statesby Kitchen Table: Women of Color press, Post Office Box 908, Latham. New York l2l10-0908. Originally published bv Peresphone Press,Inc. Watertown, Massachusetts,1981. Also by Cherrie Moraga Cuentos: Stories hy Latinas, ed. with Alma G6mez and Mariana Romo-Carmona. K i t c h e n T a b l e : W o m e n o f C o l o r P r e s s .1 9 8 3 . Loving in the ll/ar Years:Lo Que Nunta Pasd Por Sus lcbios. South End Press, 1983. C o v e r a n d t e x t i l l u s t r a t i o n sb y J o h n e t t a T i n k e r . Cover designby Maria von Brincken. T e x t d e s i g nb y P a t M c G l o i n . T y p e s e ti n G a r t h G r a p h i c b y S e r i f & S a n s , l n c . , B o s t o n , M a s s . S e c o n d E d i t i o n T y p e s e tb y S u s a n L . Y u n g

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SecondEdition, Sixth Printine. ISBN 0-913175-03-X, paper. ISBN 0-913175-18-8, cloth.

This bridge called my back : writings by radical women of color / editors,Cherrie Moraga, Gloria Anzaldfa ; foreword,Toni Cade Bambara. - lst ed. - Watertown, Mass. : PersephonePress, c1981.1*1 xxvi,261 p. : ill. ',22 cm. Bibliography: p. 251-261. ISBN 0-930436-10-5(pbk.) : $9.95 l. Feminism-Literary collections. 2. Radicalism-Literary collections. 3. Minority women-United States-Literary collections. 4. American literature -Women authors. 5. American literature-Minority authors. 6. American literature-20th century. I. Moraga, Cherrie II. Anzaldria, Gloria.

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Library of Congress [r88]rev [*]-2nd ed. - Latham, NY: Kitchen Table,Womenof Color Press.c1983. C H R Y S T O S : " C e r e m o n y f o r C o m p l e t i n g a P o e t r y R e a d i n g , " c o p y r i g h t o 1 9 7 6b y C h r y s t o s ,f i r s t a p p e a r e di n W o m a n s p i r i t ,r e p r i n r e db y p e r m i s s i o n C . OMBAHEE RMR COLLECTM: "A Black Feminist Statemenr," first appeared in Capitalist Parriartht' a n d r h e C a s e f o r S o c i a l i s rF e m i n i s m .Z i l t a h R . E i s e n : i e i n .e d . ( N e * Y o r k : M o n r h i v R ^ e v i e wP r e s s ,I 9 7 9 ) , r e p r i n t e d b y p e r m i s s i o n .D O R I S D A V E N P O R T : " T h e P a t h o l o g y of Racism," copyright nl lS89 !V Doris Davenport, first appeared in Spinning O-li, r e p _ r i n t ebd_ yp e r m i s s i o n .H A T T I E G O S S E T T : " b i l l i e l i v e s !b i l l i e l i v e s ! , "c o p y r i g h to 1 9 8 0 b y H a t t i e G o s s e t t ;" w h o r o l d y o u a n y b o d yw a n t st o h e a rf r o m y o u ?y o u a i n ' i n o t h i n g b u r a b l a c k w o m ^ a n i , "c o p y r i g h ro 1 9 8 0b y H a t r i e G o s s e t t .M A R Y H O P E L E E : " o n n o t b e i n g , " co-pyright,o_19b 7 y9 M a r y H o p e L e e , f i r s t a p p e a r e di n C a l l a l o o ,r e p r i n t e db y p e r m i s s i o n . AUDRE LORDE: "An Open Letter to Mdry Daly," copyrighto'1980by Audre Lorde, I t r s t a p p e a r e di n T o p R o n k i n g , r e p r i n t e db y p e r m i s s i o n ". T h e M a s t e r ' sT o o l s W i l l N e v e r D i s m a n t l e t h e M a s t e r ' s H o u s e , " c o p y r i g h t o 1 9 8 0b y A u d r e L o r d e . P A T P A R K E R : " R e v l o u t i o n : I t ' s N o t N e a t o r P r e t t y o r Q u i c k , " c o p y r i g h r o 1 9 8 0b y P a r P a r k e r .K A T E RUSHIN: "The Bridge Poem, copyrighto l98l'by-Donna K. hushin. MITSUYE Y A M A D A : " l n v i s i b i l i i y i s a n U n n a i u r a l D i s a s r e r , "c o p y r i g h to 1 9 7 9b y B r i d g e :A n A s t o n A m e r t t e n P e r s p e t t i v e ,r e p r i n t e d b y p e r m i s s i o n .

IOT Eh'ira Nloraga L:ts'rencc etllcl - \ r n ; r l i i rC l r . i a A r r z a l t l r - r . l J I r r li r r l a l l r ) u r l ) l r ) t l 1 c r 5 for the obeciience atrcl rebelliorr t h e l ' t a r . r g l - rut s .

REFUGEESOF A WORLD ON FIRE Foreword to the Second Edition Three years later, I try to imagine the newcomer to Bridge. What do you need to know? I have heard from people that the book has helped change some minds {and hopefully hearts as well), but it has changed no one more than the women who contributed to its existence. It has changed my life so fundamentally that today I feel almost the worst person to introduce you to Bridge, to see it through fresh eyes. Rather your introduction or even reintroduction should come from the voices of the women of color who first discoveredthe book:

When Persephone press, Inc., a white women,s press of Watertown, Massachuseus and the original pubrishersof Bridge,..ur.d op.ruii", i" ,rr. Spring of 1983,this book had alreadygone our of piint. Aft.. ;;; ;;nit , of negotiations,the co-editorswere finiliy able to retrieve control of their book, whereupon Kitchen Table: women of color press of N.* vo.t-ug...l ;; ..publish it. The following, then, is the second edition of rhis Britrge Caretr M.r,Bacx, conceivedof and produced entirely by women of color.

The woman writers seemedto be speakingto me, and they actually understood what I was going through. Many of you put into words feelings I have had that I h a d n o w a y o f e x p r e s s i n g . . . T h ew r i t i n g s j u s t i f i e d some of my thoughts telling me I had a right to feel as I did. It is remarkable to me that one book could have such an impact. So many feelings were brought alive i n s i d em e . * For the new reader, as well as for the people who may be looking at Bridge for the second or third time, I feel the need to speak to what I think of the book some three years later. Today I leaf through the pagesof Bridge and imagine all the things so many of us would say differently or better-watching my own life and the lives of these writers/activistsgrow in commitment to whatever it is we term "our work." We are getting older, as is our movement. I think that were Bridge to have been conceived of in 1983, as opposed to 1979, it would speak much more directly now to the relations between women and men of color, both gay and heterosexual.In 1979, responseto a number of earlier writings by women of color which in the name of feminism focused almost exclusively on relations between the sexes,Bridge intended to make a c l e a n b r e a k f r o m t h a t p h e n o m e n o n . * I n s t e a d ,w e c r e a t e d a b o o k which concentratedon relationshipsbetween\)omen. * A l m a A y a l a , a n i n e t e e n - y e a r - o l dP u e r t o R i c a n , f r o m a l e t t e r t o G l o r i a A n z a l d u a .

Or-rcethis right has been established,horvever,once a rnovement has provided some basic consciousnessso that heterosexisrnand sexism are not consideredthe normal course of events, 'uveare in a lnuch stronger position to anaiyze our reiations u'ith the men of our families and communities fronr a position of power rather than conrpromise.A Bridge of 1983 could do this. {I am particularly e n c o u r a g e db y t h e o r g a n i z i n g p o t e n t i a l b e t w e e n T h i r d W o r l d lesbiansand gay men in our comr)runitiesof color.) The second major difference a 1983 version of Bridge rvoulcl prorride is ihat it would be much more international in perspective. Although the heart ol Bridgeremains the same, the impetus to forge iir-rkswith women of color from every region grows nrore and more urgent as tl.renumber of recentll'-inrmigratedpeople of color in the U.S. grows in enonnous proportions, as lve begin to see ourselvesall as refugeesof a world on fire: The U.S. is training troops in Honduras to overthrort,the Nicaraguan people'sgovernment. Human rights violations are occurring on a lrassive scalein Guatenrala and El Salvador{and as in this country those most hardhit are often the indigenouspeoplesof those landsJ. Pinochet escalatespolitical repressionin Chile. The U.S. invades Grenada. Apartheid continues to bleed South Africa. T h o u s a n d s o f u n a r m e d p e o p l e a r e s l a u g h t e r e d i n B e i r r . r tb y Christian rnilitiamen and Israeli soldiers. Aquino is assassinated b1' the Philippine governrnent. And in the U.S.? The Reagan adrninistration daily draii-rsus oi nearly evcry political gain rnade bv the feminist, Third World and anti-war u,ork of tl-relate 60's and earl1'70's. The question and challenge for Third \{orld ferninism rernains: what are the particular conditions of oppressionsuffered by rvonren o f c o l o r i n e a c h o f t h e s e s i t u a t i o n s ?H o w h a s t h e s p e c i a l c i r c u m stancesof her pain been overlookedby Third \\brld mover.nents,solidarity groulls, "international ferninists?"Holv have the childlen suffered?How do u,e organizeourselvesto snrvive this war? To keen our farnilies,our bodies, our spirits intact? * G , r l d i t i ( r / / s .] " i v c . ' l ' h t B l o r ' . t l 1 ' o n r . ' n l sl s s r r ee d . b v L o r r a i n c I l e t h e l a n d l l a r b a r a S r : r i l lirr r l r 7 . r r r r ' , r r r r ; r j , c' ;x c c l , t i o n

owrl lin-ritations'irr ti-reface Sometimesin the face of myj own/our of books' doubt even the significanceof such rvorld-wide suffering' so many people who^have tried Surely this is the sa'ne predlcametlt found themselves in- 2Cara Q cara to Lrsewords u, *"upo'-" have palabras?* This is especially true conel enemigode quZ-valen mis who know full rvell otlr writings for Third World women wriiers' we g:ew tip r't'ith' Sometimes s e l d o m d i r e c t l ; r' e a c h t h e p e o p l e you're dunrping your words,into a knowing this makes 1'ot' t""i like But we contillue to write To the very deep and very dark hole' the peopie they touch' We even people of color we do reach and for rvhom books have been as comwrite to those classesof people r'vill finally' r't'ewrite to anyone who mon to their lives as bt"ucl ior of currents op"n {even if only a crack) to the listen lvith trr"i. "u., change arotrnd them -,- ^.^ri.,.icr l-otier ultimate optinrist' believing T I t e p o l i t i c a ] r ' r ' r i t e r ,t h e n ' i s t h e using.rvorclsas one way to try and people are capableof change and A privatism which keeps us penetrate the privatis'-''tof" ntt lives' renders us politically useless' back and arvay from each other' rvhich rnore discouraged oi tttis writlng horvever'I am ieeling At the tir.r.re unified Third World feminist movethan optimistic. The tlt"u'i of a of it when rve first embarked rnent in this country;t ;" conceived more possiblesomehow' because ." ,ft" f ."j.ct of thii book' seemed in the ranks begging to take as of yei, less tried. ti *a' stiil rvaiting I have learned that Third World forn and hold ln ti''eiast three years of easl'political framework that feminism cioesnot proviciettre iriaAnzaltl*a

Cherri e M c;r aga/ G loria Anzaldila

final two sectionsof the book Gloria wrote the introductions to the and The VIsion of the *fri.n explore The Third World Woman Writer we both bore the burden of Third World feminist. Together as editors' - this being our first the book (even more thJn rve had anticipated proof-reading and the attempt ui st.h a projectl, not.onlv doing answerlIlS a telephone *uki"g editorial decisions,but also acting as and interviewers and courier sert'ice, PR persons ancl advertisers' the of some for transcribers, and even occasionally' muses contributorsduringtheir,sometirnesratherpainful"'writingblocks"' Mostimportantiy,wesa\Arourmajorroleaseditorsbeingtoencourage lives' to make some writers to delve even more deeply into their readers meaning out of it for thernselvesatld their

the hands of women - who agreethat that is the goal, no natter how we might disagreeabout the getting there or the possibility of seeingit in our own lifetimes. We use the term in its original form - stemming from the word "root"- for our feminist poiitic emergesfrom the roots of both of our cuiturai oppressionand heritage. The Parts of the Whole The six sections of This Bridge Called My Back intend to reflect what we feel to be the major areas of concern for Third World women in the U.S. in forming a broad-basedpolitical movement: 1) how visibility/ invisibility as women of color forms our radicalism; 2) the ways in which Third World women derive a feminist political theory specifically from our racial/cultural background and experience; 3) the destructive and demoralizing effects of racism in the women's movement; 4) the cultural, class, and sexuality differences that divide women of color; 5) Third World women's writing as a tool for self-preservation and revolution; and 6) the wavs and means of a Third World feminist future.

Time and MoneY speedin which this Many people have commented on the relative grew from a anthology the book was pioduced. In barely two years' fast' worked has everyone seed of an idea to a published work' Tfue' including the Publishers. urgency' From the The anthology was created r'r'ith a sense of 'TWoyears ago overdue long moment of its conception,it was already should already have when rn,estarted, we knew it was a book that

The Writers and Their Work The women in whose hands This Bidge Called My Back was wrought identify as Third World women and/or women of color. Each woman considers herself a feminist, but draws her feminism from the culture in which she grew. Most of the women appearing in this book are first-generation writers. Some of us do not see ourselves as writers, but pull the pen across the page an)'way or speak with the power of poets. The selections in this anthology range from externporaneous stream journal entries to well thought-out theoretical stateof consciousness ments; frorn intimate letters to friends to full-scale public addresses. In addition, the book includes poems and transcripts, personal conversations and interviews. The lt'orks combined reflect a diversity of perspectives,linguistic styles,and cultural tongues. In editing the anthology, our primary comrnitment was to retaining this diversity, as well as each writer's especialvoice and style. The book is intended to reflect our color loud and clear, not tone it down. As editors we sought out and believe we found, non-rhetoricai, highiy personalchroniclesthat presenta political analysisin everyday terms. In compiling the anthology, Cherrie was primariiy responsiblefor the thematic structure and organization of the book as a whole. She alsowrote the introductions to the first four sectionsof the book which cover 1) The Rootsof Our Radicalism;2l Theoryin theFlesh;3l Racisnttn the Women'sMovement; and 4) On Culture, Class, and Homophobia.

been in our hands. an a project u'hen >'ou'reworrie-dabout paytng How do you concerttrate women of color attempt the rent?We have sorely iearned why so few ln compiling thisbook on' -,'to back fail to this kind of project "lo^"y the book and ourjust keep jobs to more we both ,llulntui.t"d trvo or No time for class tables' lvaiting whiie selvesalive. No tin-reto write with your boss' have a preparation, to reaci students'papers' argue lovelifeoreatadecentmeal^lvhe.'thedeadlir-remustbenet.No "to go over the contract"' to money to buy stamps, to hire a lawyer of our:1"try u"d an agent. Both of us became expertjugglers 'little chicken" and ".,gug" the few pennies in our piggybanks: Gloria's Cherrie's "tecatebucket'" Agradecimientos Abigail' Leigh and her Btft oh therewerethepeoplewho helped:Leslie' con picadillo and loving IBM selectric,Ranciy,David, Mirtha's arroz faith in the book' Jane and encouragement,Merlin and Adrienne's our wonten's studiesstudents Saliy'sleitir'tgCherrie change her mind ' up with their two.over-tired put who at San FranciscoStateUniv"ersity typed the whole damn who backrubs' Jo grumpy teachers,Debbie's crew' BarbaraS"swork in manuscript, BarbaraC' and her cameraancl who lent us money' and all spreadingthe word in Boston the friends

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the other folks who supported our readings,our benefit parties, our efforts to get this book to press. Most especially, of course, we wish to thank all the contributors whose commitment and insight made the nightly marathonswe spent pulling out our hair worth it. They inspired the labor. Putting

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Our Words into Practice

with the completion of this anthology, a hundred other books ancl projectsare waiting to be de'eioped. Already, we hear tell in the r,vind from other contributors the possibiiity of a firm about Thircr world Ferninists,an anthology by Latina lesbians,a Third worrd ferninist publishing house. We, wome. of color, are not without plans. This is exactly the kind of servicer,r'elvish for the anthology to pro'ide. It is a catalyst, not a definitive statement on "Third world Feminism in the U.S.' we see the book as a revolutionary tool falling into the hands of people of all colors.Just as we have been radicalizedin the processof compilir"rgthis book, r.r'ehope it will radicalizeothers into action. \\,e errvision the book being used as a reqtired text in most \vomen's studies courses. And u,e don't mean just "special,,courses on Third World Wornen or Racism, but also courses dealing with sexual poiitics, feminist thought, !\'omen's spirituality, etc. Sirniiarly, rn,e want to see this book on the shelf of, and used in the classroornor', every ethnic studies teacher in this countrl', male and female alike. off campus, r,r'eexpect the book to function as a consciousness-raiser for rvhite women meeting together or u'orking alone on the issuesof racism. And, lve want to see our colored sistersusing the book as ar.r educator and agitator around issues specific to our oppression as wonlen. We want the book in libraries, bookstores, at conferences,and union meetings in every rnajor city a'd hole-in-the-wall in this countrv. And, of course, we hope to eventuall,v see this book translated and leave this country, n'rakingtangibre the link betr,r'een Third \Abrld wornen in the U.S. and throushout the world. Finally tenemosla esperanzttque ThisBrtdje CailedMy,Bacli will find its way back into our fantilies'iives. The revoiution begir.rs at horne.

THIS BRIDGE CAttED tuY BACK WRITINGSBY RADICAT WOIUENoF

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Cherrie N{oraga Gloria Anzaldira

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Children Passing in the Streets

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The Rootsof Our Radicalism

"I learned to make nr,vmind large, as the universe is large, so that tl.rereis room for paradoxes."-Maxine Hong Kingston* We are \\'omen frorn all kinds of childhood streets: the farms ol Puerto Rico, tl-redowntorvr.rstreets of Chinatorvn, tl-rebarrio, cityBronx streets, quiet suburban sidewalks, the plains, and the reserr.'ation. In tl-risfirst section, you rvill find voices from our childhoods, our youth. What lve learnecl about survival -trying to-pass-for-wl-rite, e a s y - t o - p a s s - f o r - r v h i t "es, h e c o u l d n ' tp a s s i n a r n i l l i o n y e a r s . "H e r e , to yor.rthe "color problenr"as it was first introduced to us: we introclr.tce "not rvl'riteenuf, not dark enuf", always up against a color chart that first got erected far outside our families and our neighborhoods,but which ir.naded them both r'r'ithsystematicdetermination. I n s p e a k i n go f c o l o r a n d c l a s s ,T i l l i e O l s e n o n c e s a i d : " T h e r e ' sn o as passing."** Here are wonren of every shadeof color and sucl.rt].rir.rs grade of classto prove that point. For although sonre of us traveled more easilr'fror.ustreetcorner to corner than the sisterrvhosecolor or p o v e r t l ' n r a d e h e r a n e s p e c i a l l l . v i s i b l et a r g e t t o t h e v i o l e n c eo n t h e street, cr1/of us have been victims of tlie invisible violation r,t,hich h a p p e n s i n t l o o r s a n d i n s i d e o i . r r s e l v e st:h e s e l f - a b n e g a t i o n ,t h e s i l e n c e .t h e c o n s t a n tt h r e a t o f c u l t u r a l o b l i t e r a t i o n . We lvert--born into colored homes. We grew up lvith the inherent contradictions in the color spectrum right inside those iromes: the I i g h t e r s i s t r - r t h e r n i x e d - b l o o dc o u s i n , b e i n g t h e d a r k e s t o n e i n t h e f a n - r i l y .I t d o e s n ' tt a k e m a n v y e a r s t o r e a l i z et h e p r i t ' i l e g e s ,o r l a c k t h e r e o f ,a t t a c h e dt o a p a r t i c u l a r s h a d eo f s k i n o r t e x t u r e o f h a i r . I t i s this experience that moves light-skinned or "passable"Third World \\,'ornento put ourselveson the line for our darker sisters.We are all family. Frou'rthose far-nilieswe were on the one hand encouragedto Ieave, to clir.nbup rvhite. Anc'lrvith the other hand, the reins r,vereheld t i g h t o n u s , o r l r p a r e n t su n d e r s t a n d i n gt h e d a n g e r t h a t b o r d e r e do u r homes. We learr.redto live u'ith these contradictions.This is the root of our radicalisrl. ' I 1 : r r i r r c 'l l , ) n { K i r ) c s t o n 7 ' l u \ \ ' , t n a t t l t r i l l i o r l N e r v Y o r k : \ ' i n t a g e 1 9 7 7 ) ,p . 3 5 . t - F r o u r i r t a ) k g i v e n a t T l . r r -\ \ b n r e n s B u i l t i i n g s p o n s o r c d b y ' T i r e F e n r i n i s t W r i t c r s G u i l c l .S a n l i r a n c i s c o \ o v e n r b e r 1 9 7 9 .

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When I Was Growing Up NeIIie Wong I know now that once I longed to be rvhite. How? you ask. Let n-retell you the ways. when I was growing up, people told me I was dark and I believed my own darkness in the mirror, in nry soul,rny own narrow vision when I was growir-rgup, my sisters with fair skin got praised f o r t h e i r b e a r r t va n d i n t h e d a r k I fell further, crushed between high walls when I was grolving up, I read magazines a n d s a w n r o v i e s ,b l o n d e m o v i e s t a r s ,w h i t e s k i n , sensuouslips and to be elevated,to become a \^,oman,a desirable woman, I began to wear irr-ragi nar_vpale ski n rvhen I was growing up, I was proud o f m y E n g l i s h ,m y g r a m n r a r ,m y s p e l l i n g fitting into the group of srnart chilclren s m a r t C h i n e s ec h i l d r e n , f i t t i n g i n , b e l o n g i n g ,g e t t i n gi n l i n e u'hen I rvas growing up and went to high school, I discoveredthe rich white girls, a few yellor,t,girls, sweaters their imported cotton dresses,their cashn-rere their curl,v hair and I thought that I too should have what these lucky girls had r,vhenI was grou'ing r.rp,I hr.rngered for Anrerican food, American styles, c o d e d :w h i t e a n d e v e n t o m e , a c h i l d b o r n o f C h i n e s ep a r e n t s ,b e i n g C h i n e s e was feeling foreign, r,r'asIirriting, was unAmerican

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when l was growing up ar-rda lvhitc ntan \\.iuttL_d to takc rne out, I thougirt I n,as special, a n e x o t i c q a r d e n i a ,a n x i o u st o f i t t h e s t e r e o t y p eo f a n o r i e n t a lc h i c k

on not bein mqry hope lee

lr'hen I lvas srolving up, I felt asharnecl of some yellon rnen, their small trones, t h c i r f r a i l L r o d i e st,h e i r s p i t t i n e o n t h e s t r e e t s ,t h e i r c o t r g h i n g , t h e i r l y i n g i n s u n l e s sr o o n l s , s h o c l t i n gt h e n r s e l v e si n t h e a r m s

b e a s n i a r t c h i l c lt r f i n g t o b e d u m b . . . n o t b l k e r r u ft o l o v i n l i i g n o r e .. . not bitter enuf to die at a early age.. . rrtnz:ke

when I was gro'nvineup, people r,r.ouldask if.I rvere Filipino, polyr-rersian, portngucse. Thev nan.redall colors except r,r,hitc., the shell of ury soul, btrt not r.rrvclark, rough skin

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she never wantecl no never once did she \\ranna be r'vhite/topass drear-nedonly of beir.rdarker she r,r,antedto be darker not yellorv/not no high bror'r'rtneither but brou'n/n arrl brolvrr she drearned/herbody rnoist earth bror,r't.r she pray'ed/forchocolate tter/su,eet semi/srveet/bi dark chocolatenipples cro\\'nln her sn-rallchestedtits 2 l'relshel'skisses s i t t i ns u ' e e tl i k e t o p o l 2 round scoopsof sn.rooth m i l k c h o c o l a t ei c e c r e a r n

wher.rI r,r.assror,r,ingup, I felt dirtr.. I thought tl"ratgoci rriaclen.l.ritepeople clean anci no n-iattcrhor,r,rnuch I bathecl, I could not change, I could not shcrl my skin in the gray rvater

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when I vvasgrowir.rgup, I srvore I would run a\^,ayto purplc n,rountains, h o u s e sb 1 ' t h e s e al v i t h n o t h i n q o v e r r r r v h e a d , r n , i t hs p a c et o b r e a t h c , uncongestedrvith t,ellclrvpeoltlc in an arca calleclChinato,"vn,ir.ran area I later learned r v a sa g h e t t o ,o n e o f r l a n v h e a r t s ttf Asian Anrerica

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I knorv nolt'that once I longed to be ,uvhrte-. llow r.t'ranyntore rta)'s?,vor-r ask

momma took her outta a l m o s ta l l b l a c k l i n c o l n h i g h cuz sl'reuseta catch hell every da,vin gyrn class t h e o t h e r g i r l s r e a c t i nt o h e r l i k c s h e ' u v a st h e c a u s eo f s o m e kinda gau'dar,r'fulallergy'they all had c o n t a c tc o u l d b e f a t a l sun'ivors w,oulclbe scarrecl with kindness

F{ar,'en'tI t{ l\loustcrs anci Derlor.rs:\otts o1 Writirrg," Rotlir:all\ltrnrt Ptnrtphlet,iSan Francisco 19791. A l i c e W a l k e r ," l n S e a r c ho f O u r X l o t i r e r sG a r d e n s .T h e C r e a t i v i L vo i B l u i . f : Wcrtnenin tlre Sor.rth,".4fS, N1ay,197;t p. {r0. Lctter fror-nKathy Kendall,N'[arch10, 1980 conctnrins a u'riter'su'orkshirl, given by Audrc Lorde, Adrienne Ricl.r,ancl l\leridel LeSeur. Nellie Wong, lbid.

but a black wornan! hattieSossett

ttl have to u'rite the irltrofirst of all let n-resav tliat ii is really a clraq * ou'tl book ductionto ,vottr through everytl.ringi had to go tl'rroughto $'rite i meanl etfteri r,r,cr-rt i had to go througl"ra iot) uort' thats be book iand lieve r-r.re this whole l-norecar-ri mOre carl i dO?r,^u'hat rvirat t'uorc. do to i liave nOtenough. in tliis book \\'liich i ,ufZ i nut:" said it all lfor the tin]e being anwvay) telling rne that i hopeyou are getting readv to read. no$'the editors are ',ve11. sigh. if i ha'e to' sigh, sigil' but i just want t are io tell vou rnore. the deal at you to kn..,i, f rom the beginnir.ret6ziti do.t. like this part of the poems) utt.*hut i really \\'aDt to be doirlg uorv is the rewriting {zl that things editing(2 interviervsand 1 article)and the other fine tuning needtL be done so that i car.rbring tl-risphasc'of rny iourney to a cl.se and get onto tl'renext olle. bui the rnain tl-ringi rvant to be doing norv is getting through this 'ervous breakdo$,n of the crisis of confidencevariety. you know rt'hen you are aln'rostfinished lvith sonrethingyou have been working otr a t n g t i m e i t h e f i r s t p i e c e i n t h i s b o o k * , a s n ' r i t t e n i n 1 9 6 6a n d i h a ' e beelnediti.g this book since march 1980a'd it is now sepiernber1980) that is real irnportant to you cuz its your first big visible step in a direction you have been tr_vingto go in for a lor'rgtinre and l'Io\\'you are finaliy about to get there and therl suddenly -votistart doubting your self and sayit-rgthings to yourself like i,t'l'rothe fuck do you think you are to be .u.iting a book? i mean rt'ho do you think you are?and who c a r e sw h a t t o u i h i n k i r b o u ta n 1 ' t h i r t eg r r o u g ht o p a y n l o n c y f o r i t d u r i n g thesedays of inflation and cutbacks and firings and unemplo)'ment and boois costingat Ieast$ 15 irl l-rardcoverand $5 in paperback?plus theresa nationailiteracy crisis and a major portion of your audience not only cant read but seemsto think readin is a waste of tirne?pius books like tl.risare.t solclin the ghetto bookshopsor eve. in airports? on top of that you aint nothing but a black rvortlanl rvho told you anybody rn,antedto hear from you? this aint tl"re60s you know' its the 80s' * " n t - v s o u l l ( ) ( ) k s b a c k i l t t t ' t r c l e r r r v i l t l u i n r t n i l r d o t l t q c - l t l o b h ' t c s ' l l a t t i e g o s s e1t 9t 8 ( ) (unpullisherl\.

I

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hatliego.sserl

dont nobody care nothing about black folks these days. we is defi. nitely not in vogue. this seasonwe are not the rage.aint nobody even seriouslycourting our vote during this presidentialelection year. and you know what happens when a black \ roman opens her mouth to say anything other than do it to me! do it to me! do it to me daddy dol dont you? havent you had enough of that? or are you a masochist?or a fool? see?thats why i would rather be somewhere getting my nervous breakdown over with so i can move on. cuz you know that i know that all this doubting is a trap laid out in the patripower days of 1o.g ago tr.r keep me/us from doing what we know got to be done. but it sure would be nice that while i was finishing with the nervous breakdown some_ one else was writing the introduction. it would be a sensitivelor.ins understandingpiece of writing that would tell you what you need to know about me and aboui the stuff in this book so that you can get the most out of it. but no i cant even do that. i got to sit here and write thrs introduction myself and tell you that i was born into this life the child of houseniggahsand that i been struggling trying to get home ever since. s e p t e m b e r9 , 1 9 8 0

In Searchof the Self As Hero: Confetti of Voices on New Year'sNight A Letter to Myself NeIIie Wong You want to run away and hide now, become a breeze beneath a willow tree, a breath from the dragon'smouth, a blade of grassstruggling skyward to shoot above the ground, not to be squashedlike an ant, not to be forgotten perhaps like an Asian prostitute. These past few days now, that have become years of memories and dreams, of work and struggle,of becoming and living, you shiver in the fleeceof your inkblue robe, wondering why you tiptoe don'n the stairsto write, to face your typer,r'riterlike a long, iost friend, welcoming her this New Year'sNight. You don't question the urgency to write, to expressyourselves,your innocenceand naivete, your conflicts and passions,your doubts and beliefs,as a woman, a writer, a feminist, a poet, an Asian American, a secretary,a thlee yip nui, a wife, trying to learn the businessof life: the act of loving. You have conte away from a weekend of workshops at the Modern LanguageAssociationconference,absorbedthe words and thoughts of writers like yourselves,provoked by the hate and love directed at a book by Maxine Hong Kingston. The Woman Wanior: A Girlhood Among Ghosts-for you a book of brilliance, of Iove and anger, becoming an art form, a testimony and vision of one Chinese American woman's world. Ah, but you ask, who determinesChineseAnterican culture,Asnn American sensibility?These opponents to the art of Maxine Hong Kingston, or to the confetti of voices fiuttering fron-rthe past, voices still yet to be heard, to be written down? Who are you r,r,hohas written a book of poems, who has stored away over ten years of fiction, poems and prose? Who are you who describes herself as an Asian An-rericanFeminist, wl.roworks and writes toward that identity, that affinity, that necessaryself-affirming love? And you ask yourelves if you must retreat, scared rabbits, into the forestsof your own imagination,your own prisons and clearings,your entanglementsof words versus coircepts,of dreams versus reality, of expressionversus interpretation, of languageversus life, knowing in all your sensibilitiesas a woman writer that you face the struggles headon. You know there is no retreat now, no avoiding the confrontations, the debatesand disagreementsbetween what is art and what is

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not art whiclr for you alsomealts: rvhat is Asian An-rericanfentinist art and politics? I f y o u s i l t g t o o o f t e n o f \ ^ r o e ,y o u r s o r y o u r s i s t e r s ' ,y o u n r a ) , b c charged with being "too personal,""too autobiographical,"too much a woman who cries out, who acknowledgesopenly, shar.nelessly, the pain of living and the joy of becoming free. You believe, almost tocr simply, tl-ratyou are establishingyour own traditions, becoming yolrr own role model, becoming your own best friend, your o\vlt accessible hero. In so doing you do not deny human relatiotrships, but acknowledgc them, want thent ancl fight for thent. Ancl vou are angered by the arrogance of some articles that would tell 1'ou that V i r g i n i a W o o l f i s y o u r s p i r i t u a lm o t h e r , y o u r p o s s i b l er o l e r t r o d c l ,f , , r the r,t'orkyou have to do: to'"vrite. And why are vou angered excepr for the fact that she was white and prir.ileged,yet so ill that she rvalkcil into tl're sea. And now you have discovered Ding Ling, China's most proliiic woman writer, a feminist, a cornmunist, a loving fighting \\'ollan. whose stories gleam, bright lights in the dark of Chinas past. Ding Ling, imprisoned for expressingher anguish,her love and contpassion for China';women, for recordins the conditions of their lir"'es.Di ne Ling, attacked for her ferninisn'r,supposedlybourgeois,inc'lir,iclr.ralistic, impeding the movenrent of cornmunism in her native land. Nouthere is inforr-nationtrickling out that she is r'r'ritingagain,silencedfor' so nlany years.Now you want to searchfor more of her rvork, jeu'cls you want to hold in your own hands.Now you $,ant to share her rvork to discover the links betr,r'eenthe women of Chir-raand the'uvor.nen t,i Chinese Anterica, to find the grandn-rothers _vouwish to adopt. In yotu'searchyou do not delty the lvritings of Hisaye Yantamoto or Wakako Yautauchi, Jade Snor,n,Wong or Maxine Hong Kingston, Horvever', y'ou ck-nyJessicaHagedorn or Mei-Mei Berssenbrr.rgge. t h e s ew o n r c n a s r o l e m o d e l sb e c a u s ey o u r e x p e r i e n c e sa r e n o t t h c i r s . Their experiencesare not yorrrs though you assir.nilate thenr becaus.' the rangeof human experiencetickles your solitariness,your desirctcr become pluralistic, a free spirit soaringir.rtothe north anclsoutl-rpoles of everywoman's existence.Yotr respect tl'reservriters, your colttcnl' poraries,and yet you do not onl)'l.reartl.reirvoicessimply becauser',r,.t must carve out your own destinv: a \nu'ontan hero, an advL.lttr.lreril doer, a singer,an actor, fearlesslvith the length of your o\\'n borlv. th.' depth of ,vour clark seeingeyes, the sor.rndsof your typeu.ritcr kc-r's. And 1'ou ask'.where hat'e y,ctugone and what hay,t t,ou dcnte?You clortt h;rvethe tirnc to count the Lloelns,the stories,tl'reoutpourings of eri.'1. a n d j o y , b u t t h e y a r e t h e r e i n y o u r f i l e c a b i n e t ,t h e y a r e t h e r e i t r r ' , t l t r mind, and they are there flowing through your bloodst."otr. Th"r'ut.'

l,tellieWbng

179

there as surel)' as yott arvakct.teach lllornillg arlclshou er atld shower, h a p p , va s a h u m n t i t t e b i r c lc, o t t t e t r t o l c t t l t e r t ' a i e l f a l l t r t ' e rv o t t r b o d l ' . t'r'hile)'otl s()apyoLlrcars zttrcitttrcierarrns, rvhilc splashit ancisplashit, alotteto let the you shampooyoLlrliair, n'hile 1'otrl-raveti fer,r'ntortrc'trts i h o u g h t sa r l d i n r p u l s e sL ) t ) \ l ri t r t o s o t . t gr h v t h r n , p o e n l s ,l i f c . C o u l d y o u h a v e b e c o r t r ea r e c l u s e ,s i r n p l i ' a t t o b s e r v e ro f l i f e , c o n tent to roattr bv the sea, thir-rkingarld clreanlirlgand stopprirlgto cat only when ,vouhacito? Could vott har,'ebeconrea hobo, an alcol'rolic,a s l e e p i n gp r i n c e s s ,c o l t t c n t t , ' l i v c t h r o u g h t h e c l e c c l sa n d a c c o r n p l i s h m e n t so f o t h e r s ?A n d n ' b a t i s t h i s a c l v e n t u r et,h i s h t t t t q e r ,t h a t r o a r st t . t y o u n o \ \ ' , a s a \ \ ' o l l a l ) , a r v r i t t ' r ,a t r A s i a t tA t t t t ' r i c a t ra, f e r r l i n i s t l ' A n d w h y ? A n c ll v h a t i s t h i s s a t i s i a c t i o nt,h i s s e l i - a s s r - t r c ' c l noefsisn,c l i v ' i c l t r a l ity, of spirit, of alonetiessl'And finalll', n,hat is t['risthrust torvarclcot.tttt attd trtctr,this irrrou, totr,arcl munity, tou'ard intererctionu'itir n'ot-tte freedotril' creativitv, tou'ard You havc tl-resupport of friends anclsisteru,riters. Yor,thervetl.relovc of your husband artd 1'otrl siblinss, artd 1'etvott tr.rrtrfrotn theur, rttr.t w i t h t l i i s f o r c e ,t h i s n ec c s s i t r 't,h i s l i g h t t o r v a r ca' lr t . t o r v a r cpl o l i t i c sa l i c l w r i t i n s . I r . rt l . r ec l o i t ' ragn t i c x p r es s i n g i n t h e o r g a r t i z i n uc, u t t i n ga r t c fi i l i n g , i n t l r t - h- , r t r r s) ' ( , u s p c n r l i n v o r . t rs t t t d v o t . ta b r i e h t S t r n c l a l ' a f t e r frortt noon, )'ou lvotttler n'liv it sccltts sirrtplc-to rclt)ovL-1'ttut'sc-lve-s lttillistcr, or a nrltt, coulclhetvebcccrt't'tl'zt other people. Ycruthink vc.rr,t judging anclcott-ttnetrtitrq on tirc corttplcxon pltilosophy',ot.tt.ttorerlitr', i t i e so f h u r n a n l i f e, o n t h e i n j u s t i c eo f h u n r a nb e i n g so p p r e s s i n go t h e r human beings. You l'ravcno ans\\'L-rs.You hat'c cltrest!onsattd tttttre q u e s t i o n sa b o r . r vt i o l e n c e a g a i n s tw o n r c n , a q a i r . r sct h i l c l r e n ,a g a i t r s t ethnic lr.rir-rorities, agair.rst ga1's.\bu onlv unclcrstaltcltirat vott nrr-tsttry' to anslr,ervour questiot'ts.You think at titnes ;'c.rr.t cart alts\\'cr iheltt alonc-,but tl-ratis in'rpr>ssible bccause vor.tlive arrrl u'orl< as a social b e i n g i n t l r i s n r a t e r i a l p h v s i c a Ja n c lc c r i t t o l . t . trivco r - l t l . If yor,rclesirefreectrnr,total f recdotl, voLt;tsk, rloesit Ineattthat vtttr must die?You are unairaicl,but .vouthirtk of thc-clcad,c-rftl-reclr.'irtg. Of w o m e n l i k e S 1 ' l v i aP l a t h a n d A n n e S e x t o t t r, v r i t e r s r ' ' h o k i l l e d t h e n t selr,'es, of tu'o AsiatnArnerican teenageclsisters poets YOu'\'eaclmircc-l; who con'rr.nitted thcir dating Hissuiciclcbecausctheir father clpl.rosecl p a n i c b o y s . Y o u t h i n k o f r . o u r c o n s i r t ' u v hhou r t g h i l n s c l f i r t L a s V e g a s , h i s h e a r i n gg o n e, l ' r i ss o n a l i e n e t t e fcrlc l n rh i r t t .V r t r t h i n k o f y t t t L rf a t h e r w b o d i e c lo f c i r r h o s i sc l ft h e l i v c r , u ' l ' r ob r r x r g h t1 ' o r . rt rn o t l t e ra l t d t h r ee s i s t e r st o A n r e r i c a .Y o r rt h i r i k o [ r - o u rn r o t h c ru ' h o c l i e Lo] f s l o r t t a c lct a t t cer, n lro c]csireclher ou'n [ur coat. her rtu'tr qranclscltr; arrd of Bctli G u n g a c o o k , a g e n t l co l c ln r a n ,a p i o n e c r ,a g r a n c l i a t h e ru, ' h < 'cr l i c cal t h o m e i n l . r i sr e n t c c lr o o n ra b o v e H a n r b t t r q e r J o c 'isn O a k l a n c l ' C s hirtatorr',n.And is the question tl.ratof nrortalit-vatrtl hou',vou dc-sirettl

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beconrein-rmortal,and not bc a fool, a real hurnan being?you a mortal, y o u a w o m a n , w h o d o e sn o t v v a n tt o b e s m a l li n a n y s e D s eo f t h e , u l o r d . You a poet, you a femi'ist, r,r'hoseeksbeauty in and beyond tlie orciinarinessof the everyday world. You talk of children and yet 1'ouhave none. you talk of writing ancl l e a v i n ga p a r t o f y o u r s e l v e st o d a u g h t e r sa n d s o n s ,t h e i r d a u g h t e r sa n d sons,so they will discoverfor themselves tl'reheart and lninds of Asian Anrericans,particularly the u,omen who are strugglingin this fight for freedom. You don't understand why you have this vision, of lea'r'q work, signs and clues, knowledge and art, stones,hower.er .ol,gh,,1. polisired,for people 1'ouwill never know. You realizei.ou r,,,'ill be {orre w l r c n t h c q r r e s t i . n so f t h ef r r t u r ca r i s el i k c * ' i l d f l o l ' e r so n t h ep l a i n ,e i this earth. You u,ant to be a part of a legacyand so you write a'rd u'ritc, questioningand cxploring, not knowing if what you rvrite lr,ill becor.ne a part of Arnerica'sfreedom so.s, not knon'ing if there is a rairborv. You believed o^ce in yoLlro\\'' passivitv, your o\\.n porverlessr.rr-ss your o\ rn spiritual rnalaise.You are now arvakeningin the beginnines of a new birth. Not born again, but born for tl.refirst time, iriu'.rpha't anci resolute,6ut of experienceand struggle,out of a flon'ing, iivrnc mernory, out of cor.rsciousness and lr,ill, facing, confronting, challerrci . s h e a d - o n t h e c o n t r a d i c i i c n so f y o r . r rl i v e s a r . r dt l . r el i v e s o f p e o P ) e around you. You believc no.,vin the necessityand beaut,vof stmssle: that ferninism for you rneansrt'orking for the equality and l.rur.iraritv o f u ' o m e n a n d m e n , f o r c h i l d r e n ,f o r t h e l o v e t h a t i s p o s s i b l e . You rub your legsin this cold roorn.You shi,,,eruvhen you re.cailr-our ov,,r.r self-pity lvhen you had no date on Ncrv year's Eve, .uvhenvi,u regrettedthe farlily gatheringbecauseit rerlinded you that 1.or-r stooci out, a wornan without a man, a woman r,vithr>ut children. Nolv vor.rarc s t r e n g t h e n e de, n c o u r a g e db y t h e r a n g eo f y o u r o \ ' n e x p e r i e n c e sa s a w r i t e r , a f e m i n i s t ,z r no r g a n i z e ra, s e c r e t a r y \. 6 1 y y o u a r e f i r e d b y ' 1 ' o u r owt't neecls,by tl're needs of vour sisters at.rdbrothers in the socirrl world, by your journey tort arclsolidarity,againsttyranny in the u'orkplace,on the streets,in our literature and in our homes.you are fr.relecl by the clarity of your olvn sight, heated by your o\\'n energy to assert y o u r s e l v e sa s a h u r n a n b e i r r g ,a r t ' r i t e r ,a w o n r a l t ,a n A s i a n A n r er i c a u a f e r n i n i s t ,a c i e r i c a iw o r k e r , a s t u d e n t ,a t e a c h c r ,n o t i n l o n e l i n e s sa u t l isolation, but in a conltrunitr.' of freedom fighters. your poer.nserncl storieswill do some of tl-rework for you, but poems and storiesalonc aren't enough. Nothing for you is ever enough and so yotr challenge yourselves, again ancl again, to tr,v sornethirlgnew, to helprbuild a It.tovernent,to orsanize for the rights of rvorking people, to r,r.ritcit novel, a play, to crcate a living theater that will en'rbody 1-ourclrearrs and vision, energy in print, on stage,at work that will assertthe r,r'illu'i

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woman, that wiil reflect a sensibility 6n independent,freedom-loving feminism, of sharingfood and rvealth with all the of America, of Asian with all Your krn. p e o p l e , ' flnd you will not stop working and writing because you care/ becauseyou refuseto give up, becauseyou won't submit to the forces hay poa, a long steam woman, a talker, that will silencevou, a cheor-rg And you are propelled by your moves with lightning. who dancer a for the dead and the living, by your your respect play, by fair of sense thlee yip American laughter and language,by your desire to help order the chaotic world that you live in, knowing as the stars sparkle on this New Year'snight that you will not survive the work that still needsto be done in the streetsof Gold Mountain.

flonnt Alarcrtt

Chicana'sFeminist Literature: A Re-Vision Through Ma\intzinl or Malintzin: Putting Flesh Back on

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wolnen becon.resas vitriolic as tlte Amc-rican Puritans' loathing of witches-women' The focus of the betrayalis not a iofty challengeto a "god"who subsequently unleashedevil trpon the lvorld as punishrnent. Disobedience to a "god' might prlacethe discussionat tirnes on arnideal plane and as ol1esu'itchesfrom an intensedialogue relievetension r.r.romentarily about one'sbodt' to a "rarified"field at leastin terrns of tl.revocabulary used. However, the male rnytl'r of Malintzin is made to see betrayal it nearly impossible at first o{ all in her very sexuality, rvhich r.nerkes any given lnolrel)t to go beyond tlie vagina as the suprerle site of evil until proven innocent b,vrvay of virginitv or virtue, the rnostpawr.rable c o m m o d i t i e sa r o u n d . Becausethe m1'th of Nlalintzin pc'n,adesnot onlv rnale thouql.rtbr-rt ir.rtl'recradle tl'rrougl-r ours too as it seepsinto our owt"tcot.rsr;iousness as rvcll as nrotirers, r'r'ho are entrusted rvith the transeyes ollr their cr.rlture, \\'e nrav conre belit've tliat inclecd of to our \rer\rsexmissior.r r.ls to is sr,rbsecor"rdenlns enslaver.r.rent. Ar.r crtslavenrent rvhicli uality quently rnani[estedin self-hatrecl.All rve seeis hatred of n'orrien.\\'e m u s t h a t e h e r t o o s i n c el o v t ' s e e n r so t r l v p r' s s i b l et h r o u g he x t r e n r ev t r tue r,t'hosedefinition is at best slipperv. T h e p o e tA l n r a V i l l a n u e v an l u s t h a v er e a l i z e d u , n d e r s t o o ct lh e i n s i d iousnessof the hate syndrome. Her r,r'holebook Bloodrr.rols is a song to t h e r e j e c t i o no f s e l f - l o a t h i n g T . h e p o e n r" l s i n g t o n . r v s c l [ s" t a t e s : I could r,r'eepand raee agair.rst the man lvho never stroked r-nvfine child hair w h o n e v e l f e . l tt h e p r i d e o f m,v fen'rininit)'. '

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Noryna Alarcon Malintzi. (or La N,{alinche) was an Aztec nobrervoman rt,rro\\,as es e n t e dt o c o r t e s u p o n r a r d i ' g i n V e r a c r r . ri zn 1 5 1 9 .S h e s u b s e q u r)f ertl' served cortes as lover, translatorand tacticaladvisor. She is a;"rri;,; versial figure in the conquest of Mexico. Her rame is ofteu callecl forth to reenact, syntbolically, the Conqr.rest or a'y conquest.part of this drama, analogicallyso, is novv being played out also in Aztlan. Ma.lintzin'shistory, her rege.d ancl subsequentmythic diirensr.rrs as evil goddessand creator of a new race - the mestizo racc-, e'br.rrs her in a family quarrel, where many mare mernbersoften prefer to sce her as the mothEr-whore, bearer of ilregiti'rate chirdren, respo.sirrre for the foreign Spanishinvasion; and where female n-rembers atte'prt to restore balance i' ways that are sometimespainfuily ambir.ale't, and at other times attempt to topple the traditio'al patriar-char rn).trr,riogy through revision and re-vision.* This essaywill explore the traditio'ar image of N{ali'tzin ir.rchicaro culture and ll'ill provide exarr.rples of the rvayscorltenrl]orar,vchicarra feminist writers have reacteclto and used tl.is ir-nagein their rvork. In our patriarchal mytholclgicalpantrreon,there Lxists e'e, r)o\\.z1 wolnan rvho was once real. Her historicitl', her experie'rce,ht--r trr.re flesh and blood were discarded.A Kantian, d'alistic nale cor.rscior.rsnessstole her and placed her on the throne of evil, Iike Dante,suosicle dor'r'nfrozenJudas,cloor'redto moan anclbemoan.The,nl'oma, is int.r, c h a n g e a b l yc a l l e db y t h r e en a m e s :M a r i n t z i n ,M a l i n c h e , Mari.a. xlalintzin'sexcruciating life in bondage\ rasof no account, and co^tintres t o b e o f n o a c c o u n t .H e r a l m o s th a l f c e n t u r y o f n t y t h i c e x i s t e n c eu n t i l recent times mostiy in the oral traditions, had turred her into a l-rarilr. refere'ce point not o'ly for co.troliing, interpreting or visualizirg women, but also to \^,agea domestic battle of stifling proportions., Unlike Eve whose primevar reality is not histor]cally docume't a b l e a n d w h o s u p p o s e d l ye x i s t e di n i o m e p a s t e d e n i c t i n t e , N , l a l i n t , zin's betrayal of our supposedpre-Columbian paradise is recent ancl h e n c e a l m o s t p a l p a b l e .T h i s a l m o s t - w i t h i n - r e a c h p a s t heightens r o m a n t i c n o s t a l g i aa n d a s a c o n s e q u e ' c e h a t r e d f o r Malintzi' a.tl

*This introduction t o M a l i n t z e n i s f r a r t o f a n u n p r : b l i s h c cpl a p e r b r . N l r 1 t a _ \ 1 1 r e r . ) r ) e n t i t l e d ," L a M a l i n c h e : F r o r . nl ' e n o c h i t t l a n t o A z t l a n . , ,

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I t i s n o t j u s t t h e f a t h e r t h a t i s a s o u r c eo i p a i n ; a n r o t h e r ' [ i g u r e appearsalso. The r.r-rotl'rer is inrpotcr.rtto help the daughter. All of her energiesseem dirccted, spent in her desire ar-rdneed for rnan, a factor t h a t r e p u l s e sa n t l a t t r a c t st h e t l a t r g h t e r .L o v c f o r r n o t h e r i s a n a u r b i valencerootr'clin the daugl-rter's serlseof aL,andonn.rent by her ntother and her apparently enormous and irrational need: Never finding a brcast to rest and rvarntnl,self . . .' As the daughter proceeds to rr.peat her rnother's experience, she ironically discoversar.rdaffirnts a "urt)untiueseif/love'as a con.rbativc t o r c e a e a . i n stth e r e p e t i t i o no f t h e n r o t h e r ' sa b n e g a t i o n a, n d i r r a t i o r . r a l need of ar-rddependerlcyo1rn'ier.r. Self-love as a tool of survival, hor,r,-

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You cramP mv stYle,bab,v when yotl roll on toP of nle shouting, "Viva La Raza" at the toP of Your Prick.

ever, leadsthe male lover to reject her. Her conclusionleavesDOcloLr.r as to what woman may be forced to do: I/woman give birth and this time to myself5 The sexual abuse experienceclleavesthe daughter no choice but tcr be her own mother, to provide her own supportive,r'rurturingbaseft,r physical and psychic survival. To escapethe cycle of loathing and self_ loathing, Villanueva's woman has no alternative, even though she would have wanted more options, but to first love the self and the6 proceed to regenerateand nurture it by becoming her olvr.rn.rothcr. She is forced to transform the self into both mother and daughteran{ rejectsthe male flesh which at this point in time "is putrid and bitter He must be transfigured. The end effect couid be seen as narcissistic,a perennial accusation directed at woman's literature. Yet, if it be narcissistic,r-reverhas a rnotive force foril been revealed so tellingly and clearly, never har.e the possible roots been exposedso well: starvation for self-reflection in the other: man or woman. The male myth of Malintzin, in its ambivalent distasteand fear of t h e s o - c a l l e d" e n i g m a t i cf e m i n i n e , "e c h o e si n t h i s p o e n r a s i t d o e si n rlany Mexican/Chicana'spoems, even when her nante is not mcntioned. The pervasivenessof the myth is unfathomable, often pemreating and suffusing our very being without consciousawarencss. The myth contains the following sexual possibiiities:wornan is sexually passive, and hence at all times open to potential use by Irte-tr whether it be seduction or rape. The possible use is double-edgetl That is, the use of her as pawn may be intracultural - "amongstus guys,"or intercultural, which meansif we are not using her then "the,v" must be using her. Sincewoman is seenas highly pawnable, nothing she does is perceived as a choice. BecauseMalintzin aided Cortes in the Conquest of the New World, she is seenas concretizingwonlarl's s e x u a lw e a k n e s sa n d i n t e r c h a n g e a b i l i t ya,l w a y so p e n t o s e x u a le x p l o i tation. Indeed, as long as we continue to be seen in that way !\'e are eart.narkedto be abusablematter, not just by men of another cttltr.ire but all cultures including the one that breeds us. Lorna Dee Cervantes addressesherself to the latter point irl hcr poem "Baby you cramp my style."In the poem Malintzin is mention''tl by her other name: Malinihe. The poet is asked to bestort,her sexrral favors; the lover'stone implies that her body/self is as availableas tlte mythic Malinche is thougl-rtto be by male consciousness:

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bo-" o,-tMalinche G i m n r e s o l l ) cn ) o r c ' He cramps her style; she refusessexualexploitation for herself and lrerdaughtersyet to come, in a way Malirttzin could not do becauseof the constraintsof the slave society into lvhich she was born. The Mexican poet Rosario Castellanosren-rindsus in "Malinche": that Malintzin was sokl into slaver)' by complicitous parents to enhance her brother's inheritance. The rtrother eager to please her new husband agreesto seil her daughter, and therefore enchains her destiny.Castellanosspeculates,in the poem, that this is the result of the mother'sorvn self-loathing. A mother lvho cannot bear to seeherselfreflected in her daughter'smirror/sexuality, prefers to shatterthe image/mirror, negate the daughter and thereby perpetuate rejection and negation. Bernal Diaz del Castillo,a brilliant chronicler of the Cor-rquest rvith a greateye for detail, reveals to us that whet.rMalintzin re-encounters her mother and brother years iater and ciuringthe ver,vprocessof thc Conquest,she is merely polite. It seems that Malintzin, ir"rsteadof offering then"rprotection within the folds of the victorious, leaves them to their cl'"vndevices for survival in an embattled country. In a way she condernnsthenr to servitudejr,rstas sl'rehad been condemned. Why is there no forgiveness?Within .,vhatcontext ciln we analy'ze Malintzin's behavior at this point? We have a reversal, the daughter negatesthe rnother. Within the con-rplexmother-daughter relationship, the mother keepsbearing quite a bit of tl.reresponsibility for the daughter'sernotional starvation,abandonltent or enslavementand yet paradoxically both are subordinate and subjected to a rnale culture and tradition. Perhapsour sexual identification with our rnothers leaclsus to expect greaterur.rderstanding from her as well as psychic/sexualprotection. Villanuer.atells us it is a false expectatior.r rlothers are powerless, looking to satisfy their ou'r.rhunger through rnen, which is agonizing t o r t h e d a u g h t e r :" h e r p a i n h a u n t e dm e f o r y e a r s . " s Simone Weil suggeststhat the consciousslave is rnuch superior,an