The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

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THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE STEPHEN COVEY

PREVIEW 

Paradigms & Principles



Private Victory:







Habit 1: Be proactive



Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind



Habit 3: Put first things first

Public Victory: 

Habit 4: Think Win/Win



Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood



Habit 6: Synergize

Renewal: Habit 7- Sharpen the Saw

PARADIGMS & PRINCIPLES INSIDE OUT

WHAT COVEY’S SON TAUGHT HIM 

If we want to change the situation, we have to change ourselves



To change ourselves effectively, we have to change our perceptions, the lens through which we see the world

THE PERSONALITY & CHARACTER ETHICS  According to the character ethic, true success & enduring happiness can result only when people learn and integrate basic principles of effective living into their basic character.

THE PERSONALITY & CHARACTER ETHICS



According to the personality ethic, success is a function of:  Personality  Public

image

 Attitude  Comn



& behavior

skills & techniques

Two paths:  Human

& public relations techniques

 Positive

mental attitude (PMA).

BACK TO COVEYS’ SON 

Their techniques obsessed them to the exclusion of genuine concern



Began to see their role as being to affirm, enjoy & value him



Withdrawal of protective attitude pains, but results in confidence & self-affirmation

PRIMARY & SECONDARY GREATNESS 

Personality building, comn skills, positive thinking are secondary, not primary, traits.



In building, do not forget the foundation on which everything else must rest.

PRIMARY & SECONDARY GREATNESS 

Personality ethics can win only short-term victories.



You cannot cram on a farm.



“What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say.” - Emerson.

THE POWER OF A PARADIGM 

“The map is not the territory.”



What a wrongly printed map heading can lead to



A paradigm is a theory, an explanation, a model, of something else.



The age of the woman

THE FLAW PSERSONALITY

OF ETHICS



If ten seconds can have such impact on the way we see things, what about the conditioning of a lifetime?



Trying to change outward attitudes & behaviors doesn’t help in the long run, examining the paradigms from which they flow does.

 “For every thousand

hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root.” … Thoreau

THE POWER OF A PARADIGM SHIFT 

Thomas Kuhn: every significant break through in scientific endeavor involves a break with tradition, from Ptolemy to Copernicus, from Newton to Einstein



Our paradigms are the sources of our behavior – the subway man with the unruly kids

FRANK KOCH’S PARADIGM SHIFT AS A BATTLESHIP CAPTAIN

SIGNALLING AT SEA We are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees. Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees. I’m a captain, change course 20 degrees. I’m a seaman second class. You had better change course 20 degrees.

SIGNALLING AT SEA I’m a battleship. Change course 20 degrees.

I’m a lighthouse.

THE PRINCIPLE-CENTRED PARADIGM 

Principles, natural laws woven into the fabric of every civilized society, are like lighthouses.



“It is impossible for us to break the law. We can only break ourselves against the law.” – Cecil B. deMille

WHICH ARE THESE PRINCIPLES? 

Fairness



Integrity and honesty



Human dignity



Service



Quality, or excellence



Potential, growth



Patience, nurturance, encouragement

THE PRINCIPLE-CENTRED PARADIGM 

Principles constitute a subjective reality, selfevident to an individual, independent of faith or religion.



Practices are situation-specific (raising a second child on the model of the first), while principles are universally applicable.



Principles are not values (a gang of thieves).

PRINCIPLES OF GROWTH AND CHANGE 

There are no short-cuts or quickfixes in growth: each step is important and no step can be skipped.



Thinking, or pretending, that you are an international-level tennis player will not make you one.



Natural growth requires adherence to natural principles.

THE WAY WE SEE THE PROBLEM IS THE PROBLEM 

Disloyal employees – have we done enough to motivate them?



Short of time always – is a planner the correct answer or is it our own inner efficiency?



A marriage gone sour – is the problem with the spouse or with ourselves?

A NEW LEVEL OF THINKING 

As long as the problem is “out there”, there is nothing we can do about it.



The Outside-In approach traps people in feelings of victimization and immobilization.



Inside-Out means to start with the innermost side of ourselves – our paradigms, character & motives.

A NEW LEVEL OF THINKING 

Private victories precede public victories.



If I want to be trusted, I must first make myself trustworthy.



Likewise for my expectations as a spouse, a parent, an employee.

PARADIGMS & PRINCIPLES THE SEVEN HABITS – AN OVERVIEW

WHAT IS A HABIT? “We are what we

repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” … Aristotle

WHAT IS A HABIT? 

“Sow a thought, reap an action; Sow an action, reap a habit; Sow a habit, reap a character; Sow a character, reap a destiny”.



The gravitational pull of our habits may keep us from going where we want to go, but the same pull gives cohesion in our life.

HABITS DEFINED Knowledge (What to, Why to)

HABITS

Skills (How to)

Desire (Want to)

THE MATURITY CONTINUUM

Dependence (You) Independence (I) Inter-dependence (We)

THE SEVEN HABITS PARADIGM Inter-dependence (We) Seek first to understand, Then to be understood PUBLIC 5

Synergize 6

VICTORY

Think Win/Win 4

Independence (I) 3 Put first Things first

1 Be Proactive

PRIVATE VICTORY

2 Begin with The end in mind

Dependence (You)

7 HABITS & EFFECTIVENESS DEFINED 

Create an empowering center of correct maps



From which an indl can effectively solve problems



Maximize opportunities



Continually learn and integrate other principles



In an upward spiral of growth.

THE P/PC BALANCE

EXCESSIVE FOCUS ON P 

Ruined health



Broken relationships



Worn-out machines



Depleted bank accounts



Damaged environment

EXCESSIVE FOCUS ON PC



The eternal student syndrome

THREE KINDS OF ASSETS 

Physical – A lawn mower.



Financial – would we improve our std of living from our principal or from our interests?



Human:  

Humans control both physical and financial assets. When it comes to cleanliness of her room, a man’s daughter can be his goose.

ORGANIZATIONAL PC



“Always treat your employees exactly as you would want them to treat your best customers.”



Inheriting an over-worn machine from your predecessor.



Watering down the curry can cost a restaurant its loyal customer base.

Inter-dependence (We)

Seek first to understand, Then to be understood PUBLIC 5

Synergize 6

VICTORY

Think Win/Win 4

Independence (I) 3 Put first Things first

1 Be Proactive

PRIVATE VICTORY

2 Begin with The end in mind

Dependence (You)

HABIT 1: BE PROACTIVE PRINCIPLES OF PERSONAL VISION

THE SOCIAL MIRROR 

Prevent self-awareness by creating a distorted vision



Projections rather than reflections: “You’re “Why

never on time.”

can’t you ever keep things in order?” “You must be an artist!” “Why can’t you understand?”

THREE THEORIES OF DETERMINISM 

Genetic determinism:  Blame

it on your DNA  That’s how the Irish behave! 

Psychic determinism:  That’s

how your parents brought you up  You remember rejection, failure 

Environmental determinism:  Your

boss / spouse / nation / economic policies are responsible

THE STIMULUSRESPONSE THEORY STIMULUS

RESPONSE

Between stimulus and response, a man has the freedom to choose.

THE PROACTIVE MODEL STIMULUS

RESPONSE

FREEDOM TO CHOOSE

Self-Awareness Imagination

Free Will Conscience

THE PROACTIVE MODEL 

Pro-activity proclaims freedom, reactivity resigns to servitude.



Pro-activity = Responsibility = “Response” + “Ability”



“I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by constant endeavor.” … Eleanor Roosevelt

VICTOR FRANKL’S LADDER OF VALUES

ATTITUDINAL

CREATIVE

EXPERENTIAL

REACTIVITY VS. PROACTIVITY  Act or be acted upon. R

& I = Resourcefulness and Initiative.

 “Love”

is a verb more than a feeling.

 If

we let our feelings control our actions, we abdicate our responsibility.

REACTIVITY VS. PROACTIVITY Reactive language

Proactive language

There’s nothing I can do. Let’s look at our alternatives. That’s just the way I am. I can choose a different approach. He makes me mad.

I control my own feelings.

I have to do that.

I can choose an appropriate response.

I must.

I prefer.

I can’t.

I choose.

If only.

I will.

CIRCLES OF CONCERN AND INFLUENCE No concern Circle of Concern Circle of Influenc e

REACTIVE FOCUS No concern Circle of Concern Circle of Influenc e

PROACTIVE FOCUS No concern Circle of Concern Circle of Influenc e

FOR THE POWERFUL… No concern Circle of Influence Circle of Concern

CLASSIFYING OUR PROBLEMS Problems Direct Control Indirect Control No Control Private Victory  Be Proactive  Begin with the end in mind.  Put first things first.

Public Victory  Synergize.  Think win / win.  Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

AA Prayer  Courage.  Serenity.  Wisdom.

EXPANDING OUR CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE 

It is easier to say, “I am not responsible”, because if I say, “I am responsible”, then I might also have to say, “I am irresponsible.”



Gandhi’s circle of influence – paddy fields.



Proactive people are NOT pushy or aggressive, rather they are smart, they are value-driven, they read reality and learn what is required.

THE “OUTSIDE-IN” & “INSIDE-OUT” PARADIGMS 

The Outside-In Paradigm: What’s out there has to change before we can change (e.g., if only we had a less dictatorial boss, a more patient wife, a more obedient child).



The Inside-Out Paradigm: By being different, we can positively change what is out there.

THE “OUTSIDE-IN” & “INSIDE-OUT” PARADIGMS



Adopting the inside-out paradigm means:  Shifting focus from the circle of concern to the circle of influence.  Shifting focus from what we wish we “had” to what we can “be”.  Recognizing mistakes as a means of turning failure into success.  Recognizing that the power to make and keep commitments, however small, is the essence of developing the habits of effectiveness.

SUMMARIZING THE PROACTIVE APPROACH



The problem is never “out-there”, it is always “in here”, where we can change it, or else accept it with serenity.



Each one of us is ultimately responsible for his or her own effectiveness, even for our happiness & our circumstances.



Be part of the solution, not of the problem.

SUMMARIZING THE PROACTIVE APPROACH 

By making and keeping small commitments, we exercise our embryonic freedom, and thereby gradually expand that freedom.



Focus only on things that lie inside your circle of influence, do not waste more time than necessary over those in the outer circle of concern.

Inter-dependence (We)

Seek first to understand, Then to be understood PUBLIC 5

Synergize 6

VICTORY

Think Win/Win 4

Independence (I) 3 Put first Things first

1 Be Proactive

PRIVATE VICTORY

2 Begin with The end in mind

Dependence (You)

HABIT 2: BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND PRINCIPLES OF PERSONAL LEADERSHIP

WHEN WE’RE DEAD & GONE…  How we would like to be remembered as: A

son or a father or a brother? A friend? Someone

others knew at the work-place? A member of our community?

ALL THINGS ARE CREATED TWICE 

The Carpenter’s Rule: cut once”.

“Measure twice,



First in their conceptualization, next in their realization.



We must accept responsibility for both creations, or else spend our lives reactively acting out scripts written in the chaos of our life by our parents, or employers, or sheer pressure of circumstance.

LEADERS & MANAGERS

Are we in the correct jungle?

LEADERSHIP & MANAGEMENT



“Management is doing things right, Leadership is doing the right things.”



No management success can compensate for failure in leadership.



Made more pressing because of rapidly changing environment, obsolescence of products & services, a globalized & unpredictable market.

PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT 

The essence of Victor Frankl’s Logotherapy: most mental / emotional illnesses stem from an underlying sense of emptiness or meaninglessness.



Like a constitution, provides a basic direction to which we can align other goals and means.

CREATIVITY SELF-AWARENESS

CONSCIENCE

CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE

Security Guidance

Power Wisdom

Security

Guidance

Sense of worth Identity Emotional anchorage Self-Esteem

Frame of ref Sense of direction Provides stds & principles

Power Capacity to act Strength, endurance Energy to make choices Overcome set habits.

Wisdom Perspective on life Sense of balance Encompasses: Judgment Discernment Comprehension

S e lf S p o u s e C hurch Enem y F r ie n d

F a m i ly

PRINCIPLES M oney W ork

PossessP le a s u r e io n s

SPOUSE (OR FRIEND) Security: CENTRED MAN 

Sense of security depends on how spouse treats him  Highly vulnerable to moods  Disagreement

- Disappointment



Guidance:  Dictated by spouse/ marriage



Wisdom:  Dictated by spouse/ marriage



Power:  Ltd by str of self/spouse



FAMILY-CENTRED MAN

Security:  Founded on family acceptance  Volatile

against family expectations  Self worth = family reputation 

Guidance:  Script written by family



Wisdom:  Whatever is good for the family



Power:  Actions ltd by family tradition



MONEY-CENTRED MAN

Security:  Vulnerable to economic insecurity  Self

worth = financial worth



Guidance:  Profit-driven



Wisdom:  Whatever is good for more money



Power:  Actions ltd by financial resources and imbalanced vision

WORK-CENTRED MAN



Security:  Self definition based on occupation  Comfortable only when working



Guidance:  Driven by needs/expectations of work



Wisdom:  Life = work



Power:  Actions ltd by: Occupational opportunities, org constraint  Boss’s perceptions 

POSSESSION-CENTRED MAN 

Security:  Based on reputation/social status  Self worth = worth of possessions



Guidance:  Driven by acquiring/ protecting/ displaying possessions



Wisdom:  Comparative economic/social relation



Power:  Actions ltd by what he can buy or social status he can gain

PLEASURE (OR SELF)CENTRED MAN 

Security:  Feels secure only on short-lived, anesthetizing, pleasurable “high”



Guidance:  Driven by need for more pleasure



Wisdom:  What’s in it for me?



Power:  Almost negligible

ENEMY-CENTRED MAN



Security:  Vulnerable to en movements  Always wonders what en is up to  Seeks self-justification from like-minded



Guidance:  Dependent on what thwarts the en



Wisdom:  Narrow, distorted, defensive, paranoid



Power:  Destructive negative energy based on anger, envy, resentment, vengeance









CHURCH-CENTRED MAN

Security:  Vulnerable to religious disappointment  Dependent on church authorities Guidance:  How others evaluate him in context of church teachings & expectations Wisdom:  Fractured-Believers Vs. Non-believers Power:  Depends on perceived church role/ posi

PRINCIPLE-CENTRED MAN



Security:  Based on changeless principles  Repeatedly validated through personal experience  Understanding of own development  A stable core enables him to look at chang as an adventure



Guidance:  An unfailingly consistent compass  Decisions

based on a principled conscienc

PRINCIPLE-CENTRED MAN 

Wisdom:  Wise balance & self-assurance  A fundamental paradigm for effective, provident living  Interpret sits as opportunity for selfdevelopment  A proactive lifestyle, independent of changing circumstances & sits.



Power:  Ability to act reaches far beyond own resources, encourages and is in turn nourished by the freedom of interdependency.

PERSONAL MSN STATEMENT 

Frankl: We detect rather than invent our msn. “Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life… Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated.”



“Each man is questioned by life… to life he can only respond by being responsible.”



Habit 1 says: “You are the programmer,” Habit 2 says: “Write your program.”

STEPPING INTO THE CREATIVITY ZONE

Expand perspective Visualization & affirmation

EXPAND PERSPECTIVE 

By visualizing, in rich detail, events such as:  Own

funeral  Marriage Anny a decade later  Retirement



/ second career

Results in an affirmation of fundamental principles & values, the pettiness of mundane things, and the power of love.

VISUALIZATION & AFFIRMATION



Dr. Charles Garfield: All worldclass athletes and peak performers are visualizers – they experience it before they do it.



Example of a affirmation: “It

is deeply satisfying (emotional) that I (personal) respond (present tense) with wisdom, love, firmness and self-control (positive) when my children misbehave.”

ORG MSN STATEMENTS 

IBM: 

Dignity of the individual



Excellence



Service



No involvement, No commitment.



Creates great unity, tremendous commitment.



Promotes self-governance among employees, eliminating criticism, excessive supervision / control / direction.

Inter-dependence (We)

Seek first to understand, Then to be understood PUBLIC 5

Synergize 6

VICTORY

Think Win/Win 4

Independence (I) 3 Put first Things first

1 Be Proactive

PRIVATE VICTORY

2 Begin with The end in mind

Dependence (You)

HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST PRINCIPLES OF PERSONAL MANAGEMENT

Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.” “

… Goethe

WHY PRIORITIZE? THE ROCK & BUCKET STORY 

Start with a bucket, some big rocks enough to fill it, some small stones, some sand and water.



Put the big rocks in the bucket - is it full?



Put the small stones in around the big rocks - is it full?



Put the sand in and give it a shake - is it full?



Put the water in. Now it's full.



The point is: unless you put the big rocks in first, you won't get them in at all.

LEADERSHIP & MANAGEMENT 

Habit 2 is the mental creation, Habit 3 is the physical creation.



Leadership decides what “first things” are; management puts them first, day by day, moment by moment.



“Manage from the left; lead from the right.”

MANAGEMENT & DISCIPLINE 

Hinges on the 4th human endowment: Independent will.



An effective manager is characterised by inner discipline.



Discipline derives from “disciple”.



An effective manager is a disciple of his inner values and their source, and possesses the will to subordinate his feelings, moods and impulses to these values.

HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST FOUR GENERATIONS OF MANAGEMENT

FOUR GENERATIONS OF TIME MANAGEMENT



Gen 1: Notes, check-lists.



Gen 2: Calendars, Appt Books.



Gen 3:  Weighting

relative worth of activities against values.  Setting specific short, intermediate and long-term goals.  Working out a specific daily plan to accomplish goals and activities deemed most worthy.

FOUR GENERATIONS OF TIME MANAGEMENT 

Gen 4:  Gen

3 management made people feel too scheduled, restricted and nonspontaneous.  Gen 4 recognizes that the challenge is not to manage time or things, but ourselves.  Focuses on preserving and enhancing relationships as well as accomplishing results- the P/PC Balance.

HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST THE FOUR QUADRANTS OF ACTIVITIES

TIME MANAGEMENT MATRIX

Not Important

Important

Urgent Crises Pressing

problems Deadline-driven projects

Interruptions,

Not Urgent I

some III

Prevention,

PC II Relationship building Recognizing new opportunities Planning, recreation

IV busy work calls  Some mails & reports Some mails, some phone calls Some meetings Time wasters Proximate, pressing Pleasant activities matters Popular activities Trivia,

QUADRANT I PEOPLE I

Stress Burnouts

90% Time

Crisis

management Always putting out fires III

II

10% Time

IV

QUADRANT III PEOPLE I

Short-term focus  Crisis management  Reputation: chameleon III character  See goals & plans as worthless  Feel victimized, out of control  Shallow or broken relationships

II



IV

QUADRANTS III & IV I

Total irresponsibility  Fired from jobs  Dependent on others or institutions for basics III

IV

II

QUADRANT II PEOPLE Building relationships

I

Preparation

Long range planning Preventive maint

    

Vision, perspective Balance Writing a pers Discipline msn Control statement Few crises Exercisin g

II

QUADRANT II PEOPLE I

 Opportunity minded, not problem minded  Feed opportunities, starve problems  By thinking preventively, reduce the size of Quadrant I  Focus on activities of Quadrant II, which, if done regularly, impact our lives II tremendously

QUADRANT II PEOPLE I

 Illustration: the shopping centre managers and their tenants  The Pareto principle: 80% of the results flow out of 20 % of the activities II

MOVING INTO QUADRANT-II 

Initial time to move to Q-II has to come out of Qs-III & IV.



Learn to say “No” – the good is often the enemy of the best.



It’s almost impossible to say “No” to the popularity of Q-III, or the pleasure of escape to Q-II, unless we have a bigger “Yes” burning inside.

HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST CRITERIA FOR A QUADRANT-II ORGANIZER

SIX CRITERIA FOR A QUADRANT-II TOOL 

Coherence: Harmony between msn, goals, priorities, discipline.



Balance: Success in career is not worth a broken marriage, ruined health, or weakness in personal character.



Plan weekly: The key is not to prioritize what is on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities. …

SIX CRITERIA FOR A QUADRANT-II TOOL 

A “People” Dimension: At times, it is worth it to sub-ordinate a schedule to building a relationship with a person.



Flexibility: Your planning tool should be your servant, never your master.



Portability.

HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST COMPONENTS OF QUADRANT-II ORGANIZING

IDENTIFYING ROLES & SELECTING GOALS Write a pers msn statement Individual / Pers Devp

Catch up on networking trends Fix the washing machine

Husband / Father

Help with child’s homework Draw up a leave program

Adm Manager

Organize a get-together

IDENTIFYING ROLES & SELECTING GOALS Monitor down-time Tech Manager

Material Manager

Staff Devp

Select eqpt for certain tech activity Identify means to minimize costs Identify surplus inventory Org a trg cadre on a new eqpt Performance review

SCHEDULING 

Set a two-hour slot aside on Sunday to write a personal msn statement.



Set an hour aside on Saturday to teach the kid maths.



Set aside an hour every two days for exercise



The weekly worksheet

DAILY ADAPTING 

Take a few minutes every morning to review schedule



Prioritize activities and respond to unanticipated events in light of commitment to personal valuebased decisions

LONG-TERM ORGANIZING Msn Statement

Roles

Goals

WEEKLY ORGANIZING Schedule Roles

Goals

Plans Delegate

LIVING IT 

Habit 1: “You are the programmer.” Habit 2: “Write the program.” Habit 3: “Run (‘Live’) the program.”



Need for commitment, integrity, self-discipline.



As a principle-centered person, we can subordinate our schedule to a higher value without guilt.



People are more important than things.

HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST DELEGATION

PRODUCER Input

Output

MANAGER Input

Output

PRINCIPLE OF DELEGATION

“Trust is the highest form of motivation.”

DEGREES OF DELEGATION 

"Wait to be told." or "Do exactly what I say." or "Follow these instructions precisely."



"Look into this and tell me what you come up with. I'll decide."



"Give me your recommendation, and the other options with the pros and cons of each. I'll let you know whether you can go ahead.“



"Decide and let me know your decision, but wait for my go ahead."



"Decide and let me know your decision, then go ahead unless I say not to."

DEGREES OF DELEGATION 

"Decide and take action, but let me know what you did."



"Decide and take action. You need not check back with me."



"Decide where action needs to be taken and manage the situation accordingly. It's your area of responsibility now."

TYPES OF DELEGATION 



Gofer Delegation. 

“Go for this, go for that, do this, do that, and tell me when it is done.”



The other person does not develop any commitment.



Focused on methods, stay responsible for the results.

Stewardship Delegation. 

Focused on results, give the other person choice of methods.



Clear, mutual, up-front understanding and commitment regarding results.

STEPS IN EFFECTIVE DELEGATION 

Define the task



Select the individual



Assess ability and training needs



Explain the reasons



State required results

STEPS IN EFFECTIVE DELEGATION 

Consider resources required



Agree on deadlines



Support and communicate



Feedback on results

SMARTER: THE DELEGATION

SMART RULE



A simple delegation rule is the acronym SMART, or better still, SMARTER. It's a quick checklist for proper delegation.



Delegated tasks must be:       

Specific Measurable Agreed Realistic Timebound Ethical Recorded



Inter-dependence (We)

Seek first to understand, Then to be understood PUBLIC 5

Synergize 6

VICTORY

Think Win/Win 4

Independence (I) 3 Put first Things first

1 Be Proactive

PRIVATE VICTORY

2 Begin with The end in mind

Dependence (You)

PUBLIC VICTORY PARADIGMS OF INTERDEPENDENCE

THE EMOTIONAL BANK ACCT 

Trust Level

Describes the amount of trust that’s been built into a relationship. Deposits Withdrawals Courtesy

Discourtesy

Kindness

Disrespect

Honesty

Ignoring

Keeping commitments

Betraying trust

WITH A TEENAGE SON Deposits Bring home a magazine

Withdrawals “Clean your room”

Offer to help on a project

“Button your shirt”

Treat him to ice cream

“Turn down the radio”

Take him to a movie “Get a haircut” Just listen to him and “Don’t forget to take empathize out the garbage” Trust Level

SIX MAJOR DEPOSITS 

Understanding the individual



Attending to the little things



Keeping commitments



Clarifying expectations



Showing personal integrity



Apologizing sincerely when you ma

UNDERSTANDING THE INDIVIDUAL 

Deposits may be perceived as withdrawals by the other person



A parent: “Treat them all the same by treating them differently.”



Habit 2 recognizes and recommits to a person



Habit 3 subordinates a schedule to a human priority (a six-year old interrupting project work)

ATTENDING TO THE LITTLE THINGS 

In relationships, little things are big things.



“If I were cold, would you put your coat around me, too?”



Small discourtesies, little unkindnesses, little forms of disrespect, make huge withdrawals.

CLARIFYING EXPECTATIONS 

Different interpretations of roles:  YOU:

“When am I going to get a job description?”  BOSS: “I’ve been waiting for you to bring me one.”  YOU: “I thought defining my job was your role.”  BOSS: “That’s not my job at all. Don’t you remember? Right from the start, I said how you do in the job largely depends on you.”  YOU:”I thought you meant the quality of my job. I don’t even know what my real job is.”

CLARIFYING EXPECTATIONS 

Different interpretations of goals: “You

said…” “No, you’re wrong. I said…” “You did not! You never said I was supposed to…” “Oh yes, I did. I clearly remember…” ”You never even mentioned… ” “But

that was our agreement…”

SHOWING PERSONAL INTEGRITY 

Honesty is conforming words to reality, integrity is conforming reality to words.



Be loyal to those who are present. Do not backbite – confront if you have to.

APOLOGIZING SINCERELY FOR A WITHDRAWAL

“It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.” … Leo Roskin

THE LAWS OF LOVE & LIFE 

Unconditional love helps the loved one feel secure, validated and affirmed in essential growth (a child’s career choice).



Dag Hammarskjold: “It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses.”

THE LAWS OF LOVE & LIFE  No

amount of technical administrative skill in laboring for the masses can make up for lack of nobility of personal character in developing relationships.

P PROBLEMS ARE PC OPPORTUNITIES  Does

the child come to the parent with a problem or an opportunity to invest in the precious parent-child relationship?

 Does

a customer come to the store clerk with a problem or an opportunity to build a relationship?

Think Win / Win 4

HABIT 4: THINK WIN / WIN PRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL LEADERSHIP

Who will win the trip to

SIX PARADIGMS OF HUMAN INTERACTION 

Win / Win



Win / Lose



Lose / Win



Lose / Lose



Win



Win / Win, or No Deal

WIN / WIN 

Sees life as a co-operative, not competitive, arena



Agreements or solutions should be mutually beneficial and mutually satisfying



All parties feel committed to action



Neither “your” way, nor “my” way, but a “higher” way

WIN / LOSE 

“If I win, you lose.”



Authoritarian leadership: “I get my way; you don’t get yours.”



Promotes cut-throat ism: “If I am better than my brother, my parents will love me more.”



In athletics, “winning” is “beating”



“You got an ‘A’ because someone else got a ‘C’”.

WIN / LOSE 

“Who’s winning in your marriage?”



Most of life is an interdependent, not an independent, reality. Hence most results depend on cooperation between us and others.



LOSE / WIN

Characterized by:

“I lose, you win.”  “Go ahead, have your way with me.”  “Step on me again. Everyone does.”  “I’m a loser. Always have been.”  “I’m a peacemaker. I’ll do anything to keep peace.” 



“Be a nice guy, even if nice guys finish last.”



Such people have little courage, are easily intimidated, and seek strength through popularity and acceptance.



In negotiation - capitulation.



In leadership – permissiveness / indulgence.

WHAT LOSE / WIN BRINGS 

Decline in self-esteem.



Cynicism, cumulative resentment, deep disappointment, disillusionment.



“Buried alive.”



Psychosomatic illnesses, particularly of the respiration, circulation and nervous systems.



Disproportionate rage against minor provocation.

WIN /LOSE & LOSE / WIN 

The weak submissiveness of lose / win people supplements the aggressiveness of win / lose people.



Both win / lose and lose / win are symptomatic of personal insecurity.



Win / lose people are more successful – lose / win people are weak and chaotic.



Many people swing between the two, driven by anger to win / lose, driven by guilt to lose / win.

LOSE / LOSE 

When two win-lose people get together – the clash of two stubborn, egotistic, un-yielding people.



Also the philosophy of highly dependent, insecure people – “If no one wins, perhaps being a loser wouldn’t be so bad.”

WIN 

Do not necessarily want the other person to lose – only interested that their own ends should be achieved.



Most common approach in everyday negotiation.

WHICH IS THE BEST? 

Win /Lose would be good:  In

a football match

 Two

regional offices miles away which have no functional relationships (compete)



Lose / Win would be good in a relationship when you want to genuinely affirm the other person.



Win would be the only option if your child’s life were in danger.

WHICH IS THE BEST? 

Most of life is interdependent.



Win / Lose may win in the short term but will lose in the long term.



Similarly Lose / Win leads to lose / lose in the long term.



Win is no foundation for any productive relationship.



Win-Win is the only healthy attitude in an interdependent reality.

WHICH IS THE BEST? 

A genuine win-win attitude is characterized by:  Staying

longer.

in the comn process

 Listening

person.

more to the other

 Expressing

own point of view strongly, clearly & honestly.

 Finding

a synergistic solution, one that both parties are happy with.

WIN / WIN OR NO DEAL 

If we fail to find a mutually agreeable solution, we agree to disagree agreeably – No deal



That is to say, it’s either win-win or nothing.



Brings tremendous emotional freedom.

FIVE DIMENSIONS OF WIN / WIN

1

2

3

Win/Win

Win/Win

Win/Win

Character

Relationships

Agreements

Supportive Systems (4) and Processes (5)

CHARACTER

Abundance Mentality

Integrity

Maturity

INTEGRITY 

Can be defined as the value we place on ourselves



To win, we must know what “win” means in the context of our innermost values



Built up by Habits 1, 2 & 3



Cornerstone in the foundation of our trust

Consideration

THE MATURITY MATRIX

Lose / Win

Win / Win

Lose / Lose

Win / Lose

Courage

ABUNDANCE MENTALITY 

A Scarcity Mentality  Sees

only one pie out there  If anybody gets a big slice, there’s that much less left for everybody else. 

An Abundance Mentality  Grows

worth

out of a sense of deep personal

 Sees

plenty out there, enough to spare for everybody.

 Promotes

sharing of profit, prestige, profits, decision-making.

ABUNDANCE MENTALITY  “Public victory does not

mean victory over other people. It means success in effective interaction that brings mutually beneficial results to everyone involved.”

RELATIONSHIPS 

The emotional bank account is the essence of a relationship.



We are more likely to get someone to agree with us if we have a positive emotional bank account with them.



Interpersonal leadership goes beyond transactional leadership to transformational leadership, transforming the relationship as well as the individuals involved.

AGREEMENTS 

Performance or partnership agreements shift the paradigm from:  The

vertical to the horizontal  Hovering supervision to self-supervision  Positioning to being partners in success. 

A Win-Win agreement has 5 elements:  Desired

results (what is to be done & when)  Guidelines  Resources  Accountability (Stds of performance, evaluation)  Consequences (of the evaluation)

AGREEMENTS 

If the boss becomes first assistant to each of his sub-ordinates, he can greatly increase his span of control.



Consequences of a Win-Win agreement:  Financial  Psychic  Opportunity

(e.g., trg)  Responsibility (scope, power)

SUPPORTIVE SYSTEMS 

Out of 1000 employees, would you like to reward 50 or 800?



Assessment should be based not on comparisons but on individuals achieving performance objectives and groups meeting team objectives.



Co-operation in the workplace is as important to free enterprise as competition in the marketplace.

SUPPORTIVE SYSTEMS 

Spirit of win-win cannot survive in an environment of competitions and contest.



For Win / Win to work, the trg sys, planning sys, comn sys, info sys, compensation sys, budgeting sys – all should be based on win-win.



Create teams of highly productive people working together to compete against external stds of performance.

PROCESSES 

See the other point of view.



Identify key issues & concerns.



Determine what results would constitute an acceptable solution.



Identify possible new options to achieve those results.

HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD PRINCIPLES OF EMPATHIC COMMUNICATION

CHARACTER & COMMUNICATION 

Technique without character breeds suspicion of duplicity, manipulation.



The key to influence is conduct, which flows out of character



Unless you are influenced by my uniqueness, I am not going to be influenced by your advice.

FIVE WAYS OF LISTENING 

Ignoring.



Pretending.



Selective listening.



Attentive listening.



Empathic listening.  Listening

with an intent – seeking first to understand.  Getting inside another person’s frame of reference.

COMPONENTS OF COMN W ords 10%

Body Language 60%

Sounds 30%

So, we listen with:  Ears  Eyes  Heart

DIAGNOSE BEFORE YOU PRESCRIBE 

Do not attempt to solve another’s eye problems with your pair of glasses.



An amateur salesman sells products, a professional sells solutions to needs & problems.



A good lawyer writes his opposite attorney’s case before he writes his own.

FOUR AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL RESPONSES 

Evaluate – Agree or Disagree.



Probe – Ask questions from own frame of reference.



Advise – Give counsel based on own experience.



Interpret – Try to figure people out, their motives and behavior, based on own motives and behavior.

RESPONDING TO OTHERS 

We’ll never get to the problem if we are so caught up in our own autobiography, our own lenses, that we fail to see the other’s point of view.



As long as the other person’s response is logical, we can effectively ask questions and give counsel, but the moment it becomes emotional, we must go back to empathic listening.

THE CORRECT RESPONSE 

Genuinely seek the welfare of the other individual.



Listen with empathy.



Let the other person get to the problem as well as the solution in his own pace and time.



When we listen, we become influenceable.



Becoming influencable is the key to influencing others.

THEN SEEK TO BE UNDERSTOOD 

The sequence of an effective presentation:  Ethos:

Personal credibility  The trust we inspire with our integrity and competence 

 Pathos:

Empathy  Alignment with the emotional thrust of the other person’s comn. 

 Logos: 

Logic

HABIT 6: SYNERGIZE PRINCIPLES OF CREATIVE COOPERATION

SYNERGY 

The whole is more than sum of the parts (1 + 1 = 3 or more).



The relationship between parts of the whole is a catalytic, empowering part in itself.



Two plants growing close promote each others’ growth.



Challenge: to apply such natural creative co-operation in social interactions.

SYNERGISTIC COMMUNICATION 

Learn to value all differences: Physical  Social 

Mental  Emotional 



Challenge: to step out of protective / defensive comn, and use our sense of personal security, openness and adventure to co-operate creatively with others.



Synergy is achieved when the group collectively agrees to subordinate the old script & write a new one.

SYNERGISTIC COMMUNICATION 

Becoming authentic and genuine, even about personal matters & self-doubts, encourages others to open themselves up.



Genuine creative empathy brings about new learning and insights and promotes creativity.



“We seek not to imitate the masters, but rather to seek what they sought”.

LEVELS OF COMN HIGH

Trust

Synergistic (Win/Win)

LOW

Respectful (Compromise) Defensive (Win/Lose or Lose/Win) LOW

Co-operation

HIGH

DEFENSIVE COMN 



Characterized by legalistic language that: 

Covers all bases.



Spells out qualifiers and escape clauses for when things go wrong.

Adopted by; 

Administrators laying down rules & regulations based on abuses by a miniscule minority, stifling the freedom & creativity of the majority



Business partners scared of a doomsday scenario, choking creativity, enterprise & synergy in legalistic tangles.

RESPECTFUL COMN 

Adopted by mature people avoiding the possibility of a confrontation



Polite, not empathic



Give-and-take compromise: 1 + 1 = 1 1/ 2.



Lack of creativity & synergy.

SYNERGISTIC COMN 

1 + 1 = 4 or 8 or 16 or even 1000.



Creative enterprise constitutes a mini-culture with P/PC balance.



Solutions found better than any originally proposed.  (Fishing

for the third alternative).

NEGATIVE SYNERGY 

Caused by:  Politicking,

confessing others’ sins  Rivalry, Interpersonal conflict  Protecting one’s back-side 

Driving with one foot on the gas, the other on the brake.



The left-brained husband and the right-brained wife – how did they get to have two children?

KURT LEWIN’S FORCE FIELD EmotionaRestraining Forces l Illogical Negative

Unconscious

Social/Psy

Current Performance Level (Equilibrium)

Economic Positive

Logical Reasonable

Driving Forces Conscious

Inter-dependence (We)

Seek first to understand, Then to be understood PUBLIC 5

Synergize 6

VICTORY

Think Win/Win 4

Independence (I) 3 Put first Things first

1 Be Proactive

PRIVATE VICTORY

2 Begin with The end in mind

Dependence (You)

Surrounds all others because it makes all others possible

HABIT 7: SHARPEN THE SAW PRINCIPLES OF BALANCED SELF-RENEWAL

A CONVERSATION IN THE WOODS

What are you doing?

Can’t you see? I’m sawing down this tree.

You look exhausted! How long have you been at it?

Over five hours, and I’m bet! This is hard work.

A CONVERSATION IN THE WOODS Well, why don’t you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen that saw? I’m sure it would go a lot faster.

I don’t have time to sharpen the saw. I’m too busy sawing!

FOUR DIMENSIONS OF RENEWAL Physical Exercise Nutrition Stress Management

Mental Reading Visualizing Planning Writing

Social / Emotional Spiritual

Service Value Clarification Empathy & Commitment Synergy Study and Meditation Intrinsic Security

PHYSICAL 

6 hours a week can so significantly impact the balance 162-165 hours of the week.



A good exercise plan focusing on: Endurance  Flexibility  Strength 



A Q-II activity calling for a lot of will-power



Significantly boosts self-esteem, selfconfidence and Integrity.

SPIRITUAL 

“The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul” – David O. McKay



A Zen Master:





“How do you maintain your serenity and peace?”



“I never leave my place of meditation.”

“I have so much to do today, I’ll need to spend another hour on my knees.” – Martin Luther

MENTAL 

Television: A good servant but a poor master.



Continuing education is vital mental renewal.



Training our minds to be objective.



“A person who doesn’t read is not better than a person who doesn’t know how to read.”



A book a month – two weeks – a week.



Writing – journal, letters.

SOCIAL / EMOTIONAL 

Empathic listening.



Synergy.



Intrinsic security stems from:  Correct

principles and accurate paradigms.  A life of integrity  Effective interdependent living  Service 

“Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living in this earth.” – N. Elder Tanner



“Earn thy neighbor’s love.” – Dr. Hans Salye

SCRIPTING OTHERS 

What do we reflect to others about themselves?



How much does that reflection influence their lives?



“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.” … Goethe

BALANCE IN RENEWAL 

An org whose focus is economic: Inter-departmental rivalry  Defensive & protective comn  Politicking  Master-minding 



An org that develops in the dimensions of service, human relations, economy, but not in human resources: Benevolent autocracy  Collective resistance  Adversarism  Excessive turnover 

BALANCE IN RENEWAL 

Any dimension that is neglected will create negative force field resistance that pushes against effectiveness and growth.



An org has to treat all four dimensions balancedly  The economic (physical)  How people are treated (social)  How

people are devp & used (mental)

 Service,

job or contribution made by the org (spiritual)

SYNERGY IN RENEWAL 

The more proactive we are (1), the better leadership (2) and management (3) we can exercise over our lives.



The more effectively we manage our lives (3), the more time we find for renewal (7).



The more we seek first to understand (5), the more our ability to synergize (6) and obtain win / win solutions (4).



Private victory (1,2,3) will lead to public victory (4,5,6).

SYNERGY IN RENEWAL 

The renewal habit (7) renews and reinforces all other habits.



Physical renewal reinforces personal vision (1).



Spiritual renewal reinforces personal leadership (2).



Mental renewal reinforces personal management (3).



The daily private victory (a minimum of one hour a day in renewal of physical, spiritual and mental dimensions) is the key to the devp of the 7 habits.

THE UPWARD SPIRAL 

Renewal empowers us to move upward in a spiral of growth, change, continuous improvement.



We must learn, commit and do, again and again.

THE UPWARD SPIRAL Learn

Do

Commit Learn Commit

Do Learn Do

Commit Do

Commit Learn

Inter-dependence (We)

Seek first to understand, Then to be understood PUBLIC 5

Synergize 6

VICTORY

Thank You! Think Win/Win 4

Independence (I) 3 Put first Things first

1 Be Proactive

PRIVATE VICTORY

2 Begin with The end in mind

Dependence (You)

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