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PRAISE FOR THE  Mr. Seth

GOLDEN GATE

witty, dexterous

is

has fashioned a

medium

and imaginative; he

flexible

enough

to ac-

commodate the most disparate material, from a game of Scrabble to an invocation of St. Francis, without losing momentum. ...

A

splendid

achievement, equally convincing in tion and

—John Gross,

a tour de force

sort

The

York Times

of the transcendence of the mere

—John Hollander,

 A marvelous work is

New

of minor masterpiece,

tour de force.

advice

exhilara-

sadness.

its

 A charmingly unique

My

its

.

.

.

The

New Republic

bold and splendid

to locate a copy of this

.

.

book and

allow yourself to become caught up, like a in the lifting effects

.

kite,

of Seth's sonnets.

—Judith Freeman,

Los Angeles Herald Examiner

 An

unqualified delight

temporary California restraint

and

.

.

.

The

and

life

subject

lust,

—Playboy

feeling subtly reassured

that

something shapes our ends

that

may be

a divinity or that

very competent poet.

con-

told with wit,

intelligence.

'The reader comes away

is

—

a

something

may be simply

—

Seattle

a

Times

 

 The Golden Gate

starts to

be an ingenious and

rather brittle examination of self-absorbed yuppies.

But

it

builds. Gradually the reader

involved in their complicated ing, gentie

and

laconic,

is

moving

fast, crisp,

verse

.

.

.

and the end-

in a

way

that

— Washington Post

defies prose.

 A

lives,

becomes

thoroughly contemporary novel in

The author

is

not tempted to windy

vagations, and th the e re read ader er

... In this novel, every

is

not tempted to

word

counts.

di-

skip.

— The Atlantic

 

THE

GOLDEN GATE

A

Novel

in Verse

by

VIKRAM SETH VINTAGE BOOKS A Division

of

Random House

New York

 

First

Vintage Books Edition, April 1987

Copyright All rights reserved

©

Vikram Seth

1986 by

under International and Pan-American

Copyright Conventions. Published

in the

United States by

Random House, Inc., New York, and simultaneously in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto. Originally published in hardcover by Random House, Inc., in Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data Seth, Vikram, 1952-

The Golden

Gate.

Reprint. Originally published:

New

York:

Random House, I.

[PS3569.E76G65

Manufactured

813 '.54

86-46185

0-394-75063-2

in the

10

Tide.

1987]

ISBN

C1986.

United States of America

987654321

1986.

 

Acknowledgments

My

debts are manifold and various:

First,

Stanford University

Where, with progressively precarious Nurture,

my

tardy Ph.D.

Has waxed, and waxes,

lax

and

Second, to friends who've read

Advised

Or

me

burbled,

 What

quickly

a masterpiece

steps with sage suggestion.

Third, to John and Susan

For refuge, friendship, fourth, to you,

The crude

this,

to desist and cease,

Or smoothed my

And,

sickly.

Hughes

ears,

who

and views.

did not question

credentials of this verse

But backed your brashness with your purse.

 

Dedication

So here they

are, the chapters ready,

And, half against

Of this warm Labor

my

enterprise, this

heady

me

that has exhausted

Through

I'm free

will,

and

thirteen months, swift

Incited by

my

delightful,

friends' insightful

Paring and prodding and appeal. I

pray the gende hands of Steele

Will once again

sift

through

its

pages.

If anything in this should grate,

Ascribe

it

to

its

natal state;

If anything in this engages

By

verse, veracity, or vim,

You know whom

I

must

credit,

Tim.

 

Contents

1

The

world's discussed while fr frie iend nds s are are eating.

4

A A A

5

Olives are plucked in prime condition.

6

A

7

Arre Ar rest sts s occu occur. r.

8

Coffee

9

A

2 3

cache of billets-doux arrive.

24

concert generates a meeting.

house

is

warmed. Sheep come

cat reacts to competition.

is

53

A

speech

is

is

initiated.

100

123

made.

148

drunk, and Scrabble played.

quarrel

72

alive.

173

192

10

Vines

1

The Winking Owl

12

An

13

Friends meditate on friends who've gone.

rest in early

old

affair is

The months go

winter fills

light.

up by

renovated.

213

night.

234

262

by; the world goes on.

281

 

THE GOLDEN GATE

 

ONE

1.1

To make

a start

more

swift than weighty,

Hail Muse. Dear Reader, once upon

A

time, say, circa 1980,

There lived a man. His name was John. Successful in his field though only

Twenty-six, respected, lonely,

One

evening

he walked across

as

Golden Gate Park, the

Of

He

ill-judged toss

a red frisbee almost brained him.

thought,  If

I

Who'd weep? Who'd

Would anybody?

He

turned from

To

ruminations

who'd be

died,

As

Who

gloat? it

would be

glad?

pained him,

this dispiriting less

sad?

theme

extreme.

 

1.2

He

tuned

his

thoughts to electronic

Circuitry. This soothed his mind.

He

left irregular

(moronic)

Sentimentality behind.

He th tho ough ught of or-gates and of and-gates, Of ROMs, of nor-gates, and of nand-gates, Of nanoseconds, And

bits

megabytes,

and nibbles

Of silhouetted

birds

.

.

.

but

as fli lig ght hts s

move cawing

Across the pine-serrated sky,

Dragged from

He feels Him far

his cove,

not knowing why,

an urgent riptide drawing out, where, caught in the kelp

Of loneliness,

he

cries for help.

1.3

John's looks are good. His dress

is

formal.

His voice

is

mind

low. His

sound.

is

His appetite for work's abnormal.

A

plastic

His

name

tag hangs around

collar like a votive necklace.

Though

well-paid, he

is

far

from

reckless,

Pays his rent prompdy, jogs, does not

Smoke

cigarettes,

and

rarely pot,

Eschews both church and heavy drinking, Enjoys his garden,

likes to

read

from Mann to Bede. (A surrogate, some say, for thinking.)

Eclectically

Friends claim he's

grown aloof and prim.

(His boss, though,

is

well-pleased with him.)

 

1.4

Gray-eyed, blond-haired, aristocratic In height, impatience, views, and face, Discriminating though dogmatic,

Tender beneath a carapace

Of well-groomed

tastes

and

tasteful

John, though his corporate stock

For

all

his mohair, serge,

Senses his

A

life

is

grooming,

booming,

and tweed,

has run to seed.

passionate man, with equal parts of

Irritability

and charm,

Without as such intending harm, His flaring temper singed the hearts of Several

women

in the days

Before his chaste, ambitious phase.

1.5

John notes the

Have tinged With

a

new

late

September showers

the blond

He

green.

hills

flowers wers notes the flo

The way

In their pre-winter bloom.

That,

Of

when he was

round the bay

a child, the

mystery

San Francisco's resdess history

Kindled in him an answ answer erin ing g spark, It strikes

him now

as,

through the park,

Wrested from old dunes by the westward Thrust of the green belt to the slow Paci Pa cifi fic c sw swel ell, l, his footsteps go.

But

it is late.

Toward

The

birds fly nestward

the sunset, and the arc

Of darkness

drifts across the park.

 

1.6

It's

Friday night. The unfettered city

Resounds with hedonistic John

feels a

cold cast of self-pity

Envelop him. Cushions

glee.

No

family

his solitude, or rather,

His mother's dead,

his English father,

Retired in his native Kent,

Rarely responds to (If (If rare rarely) ly)

by

letters sent

his transariantic

Offspring. In letters to The Times

He rails against the nameless crimes Of the post office. Waxing frantic About

He

1.7

delays

hones

from coast to

his wit

coast,

and damns the

post.

A

linkless

No

node, no spouse or sibling,

—John wanders alone

children

Into an ice cream parlor. Nibbling

The edges of

By

a sugar cone

of high school lovers

turns, a pair

Stand giggling. John, uncharmed, discovers

His

And Bubble Gum,

A

Pumpkin

favorite flavors,

double scoop;

His eyes

fall

on

decides to

sits

Pie

buy

down; but whether

knot of three

a

Schoolgirls, a clamorous family,

Or, munching cheerfully together,

A

hippie and a Castro clone,

It

hurts that only he's alone.

 

1.8

He goes home, seeking Among old Beatles and But  Girl

elicits

While  Money

mere

leaves

consolation

Pink Floyd

frustration,

him more annoyed.

Alas, he hungers less for

Than

for a fleeting Taste of

—

Murmuring,  Money

The

He

lunatic

is

on the

it's

Honey.

a gas

.

.

.

grass,

pours himself a beer. Desires

And

reminiscences intrude

Upon

his unpropitious

Until he

A

money

feels that

mood

he requires

—and soon

one-way Ticket to Ride

Across the Dark Side of the

Moon.

1.9

He

thinks back to his days at college,

To

Phil, to Berkeley friends, to nights

When

the pu purs rsui uit t of grades and knowledge

Foundered

in beery jokes

Eheufii0aces

.

.

fights.

Silicon Valley

.

Lures to ambition's ulcer

Young

and

alley

graduates with siren screams

Of power and

wealth beyond their dreams,

Ejects the lax,

and drives the driven,

Burning

Thus

their candles at

files

Labor

is

both ends.

take precedence over friends,

lauded, le leis isur ure e ri rive ven. n.

John kneels bareheaded and unshod Before the Chip, a jealous God.

.

 

1.10

As did Flight

Phil

until

from

his recent too, the rich realms of Defense

(With what John holds to be indecent Precipitation

John,

still

engaged in such endeavors,

new

Feels Phil's

A

zest for peace

work

severs

mutual al interest. thread of mutu

He

almost fears to

Political

A

and bad sense)

call

him

lest

debate should color

friendship based

on

easy cheer,

Light camaraderie, dark beer,

And

double-dating. Life's

Since

The

—

when

aegis

ah, time

grown

duller

—they used to share

of the Golden Bear.

1.11

He

phones

But

there's

He

idly

Of his

Phil, the first time in ages,

no answer. (Friday

thumbs the

night.)

scribbled pages

address book. Well, he might

Phone Janet Hayakawa. Many Seasons have sunk since there was any

Hazard

a meeting could educe

A

Their former love.

standing truce

Shelters their friendship

They'd

An

lives.

Agreed by both,

passion.

interdict

after a fashion

They went about Slaves to the

all

union would constrict

felt their

Their separate

from

their singular ways,

Chip or

artist's daze.

 

1.12

She

is

a sculptor. Stress

and pleasure

For her thus perfectly combined,

The boundaries of toil and

By

leisure

definition ill-defined,

Her worktime doubles

as

her playtime,

But hand and eye deployed Yield,

when

She

the

is

in

daytime

night comes, to ear and hand.

drummer

in a

band

Well known and feared throughout the

The

striking

Rouse

sounds of Liquid Sheep

distant suburbs

Unlinked

alike to

Their music

city:

is

from

tune or

their sleep.

ditty,

a thro thrott ttle led d yelp

Morse crossed with

a pig's squeal for help.

1.13

Although such accents supersonic

Engage her

the e feve fevere red d night, in th

Janet considers

That her true

Her

it

ironic

forte, try as she

might,

quiet forms of bronze and iron

An Adolescent Lion, Clothed Nude, Study of Young Man Three Eggs,

In Eagle's Claws

The sober She

craves.

—have not

yet brought

critical attention

The

critics'

common

nose

shows.

Sniffs magisterially at her

And

Caught

as for divine intervention

In Schiller's phrase, the very gods Strive fruitlessly against such clods.

 

1.14

Blind mouths

They spew

Miss Hayakawa,

it

their condescension:

appears,

Lacks serious sculptural intention.

Where has

she been these thirty years?

Are Moore's and

Unknown

Of lines

to

her?

Colter's use of medium

The languid tedium show pains

too fluid to

Reflect this artisfs dated chains:

Derivative, diluted passion,

A facile

versatility.

.

.

.

With smooth and blinkered Servile

savagerv,

and suave, obsessed by fashion,

These chickenhearted chickenshits

Jerk off their

weak and venomous

wits.

1.15

Though savaged by Which

she

tries

this vain

unkindness

not to take to heart,

She too displays unwitting blindness, Plunging her

Only her

spirit into art.

cats provide distraction,

Twin paradigms of lazy

A

action.

short walk from Cafe Trieste

The

three live in an eagle's nest,

A

great loft studio, light and airy. Each day for breakfast Cuff and Link

Have

fish

to eat and cream to drink.

Their mistress drinks a Bloody Mary (For inspiration) and devours

Her Weetabix, and works

for hours.

 

1.16

Sweet Siamese of

With chocolate

rare refulgence

ears

and limbs of tow,

Jan gives them love, food, and indulgence.

The

cats take this for granted,

Scant deference to their

show

human

Their baskets woven with gold In splendor Jan can

ill

betters; letters,

afford,

In silken bed, on sumptuous board

They fatten. Though, when out of The L and C on their beds are Interpreted  Louse

and  Catarrh,

Jan relishes the warmth and savor

The deeds of Cuff and Link

confer,

favor,

The

love they deign to yield to her.

1.17

Through

Knobs

Cuff's exploratory predations

in electric blankets

know

Untimely death. Link's sharp

striations

Score the old desk that years ago

Was

To

left

her

by

Jan's grandparents, issei,

own

parents (self-made nisei),

And now

(for lack

Beneath a

scroll

In their small

A

twilight

He

flat)

of storage space

stands in this place

by her grandfather:

poem by Wang Wei

calligraphed that shameful day

In '42: Internment. Rather

Yellowed and frayed This

in recent years,

scroll still brings

Jan close to

tears.

n

 

1.18

stan ands ds be besi side de John st Janet's

warm

Her dark

his

phone, recalling

beauty, smiling calm,

eyes,

high-boned

features, falling

Black ponytail, her vagrant charm.

He

thinks,

I guess

I'll

For talking to a sound

He

dials.

An

answering machine

To

his

be the wiser adviser.

peeved surprise

his

replies,

message, name, and number. Requests ( Wait for the beep. ) John says,  It's me, John. 234-4963.

No

Rather than encumber

message.

The brusque machine with

He

wraps himself

his heart's

woes,

in pensive prose:

1.19

by Hardy,

Life's Little Ironies

The gloomier sermons of John Donne, The Zibaldone of Leopardi, The Queen of Spades. At ten to one,

From

the crevasse of melancholy

now

In which he

He

hears the

Are you

OK?

Although

On

John?

I'd

phone you

You sounded bad

more

tired

whole time

nothing.

 It's

thought

I

it's late.

in the

ring.  Hello,

What's going on?

the machine,

Than

buried wholly,

phone

got back.

I just

is

and sad

that I've

you what,

'Tell

For lunch tomorrow. 16th

known you/

let's

Street.

12

 

1.20

The Shu

Jing.

Food's great.

One.

It's

well-frequented.

Next day, not quite

John shows up

at ease,

early, cologne-scented,

Hyper-immaculate,

sits

and

sees

Families, lovers, inter alia

A

circus

But

He

clown

as the

in full regalia,

hope-hour strokes

fidgets: Janet hasn't

its

sum

come.

Deaf to the pap of Muzak sounding

 O

Little

Town

of Bethlehem

meet

Anachronistically at them,

The patrons dine with Off

plastic chairs

zest.

Rebounding

and an d gru rub bby

The notes merge with

floor

the squeaking door.

1.21

John I

wish they'd turn that music down.

It's

gross.

(He .

thinks,  It's not that I'm fastidious.

.

.

That calendar

is

hideous

.

.

.

.

.

.

stares at the distasteful clown.) I've

waited half an hour, blast her

Her hands encased

in clay

and

plaster,

Janet arrives at twelve to two:

 So

sorry, John, I

This torso. Yes,

had to do tried to hurry.

I

I'm glad you've got yourself a beer.

What's that? Tsingtao? Don't look severe. I

didn't

mean

you

for

to worry.

You've ordered? No? This place What'll you have?

It's

is

fun

family-run.

n

 

1.22

The food

arrives as

soon

as ordered.

Impressed and ravenous, John

relents.

His chopsticks fasten on beef bordered

With

broccoli. Enticing scents

Swim

Two

over the noise, the greasy

bottles each

table.

of beer enable

Small talk and large, in cyclic waves,

To wash

their shores,

and John behaves

At

last less stiffly if

 How

not

are the cats?

And

Great.

sadly.

the sculpture?

Your singing group? But

I

Now

came here

Yes, that too.

Oh, not too

badly.

to hear your song.

know

Jan, I don't

sing

And you?

Just fine.

what's wrong.

1.23

I'm young, employed, healthy, ambitious,

Sound, solvent, self-made,

self-possessed.

my symptoms are pernicious. The Dow- Jones of my heart's depressed. The sunflower of my youth is wilting. But

all

The tower of my dreams The zoom

of

lens

my

is tilting.

zest

is

blurred.

The drama of my life's absurd. What is the root of my neurosis? I

jog, eat brewer's yeast each day,

And I

yet I feel

life slip

away.

wait your sapient diagnosis.

I die

I faint

You need

I fail

I sink

a lover, John, I think.

14

 

1.24

Someone, Fd

say,

who's fun to be with

And, of course, vitamin

And

a vision

Trade

in that

Don't

let

It

to eat

choose a richer lens to see with.

Reach for

Its

C

more complete.

zoom

for a

wide

angle.

sunflo flower wer dangl dangle e your drooping sun

head upon the garden

wall.

that's

all.

.

.

.

needs some watering,

The

fervor of her declamation

drum

Induces her to

a roll

With her chopsticks upon her bowl.

A waiter turns

in consternation.

 ... Don't put

You

are the

things off

DJ of your

till it's

too

late.

fate.

1.25

Think of yourself

a

few years

Possessing, as the years

Less prepossessing

Love handles .

.

.

Receding

 More .

.

.

He .

.

.

.

sips at

it

.

.

.

.

(John

is

( Funny

.

says John.)

lot,

getting nervous: they'll serve us. )

taste, this tea.

distractedly.)

Lonely and

Too much

vital data:

('Thanks a

.

.

go on,

wonder when

rice? I

Hairline

.

later,

lost,

sans love, sans lover,

to drink last night

.

.

.

(And here

Jan pauses for a sip of beer) .

.

.

Nursing the dregs of your hangover,

Blubbering into your

Why

raisin bran.

not do something while you can?

 

1.26

 But what?

growls John

as this depressing

 OK,

Directory drums on.

You've got a point; enough B.S.ing

—

Suppose you're right

To hook

chicks?

looks at him.

well, what's the

Angrily and sadly

blow

way

Jan

 You'll

you

Till

clean

it

up your Pigspeak

badly

act.

Oh, come now, don't overreact, Janet, you know I didn't mean it. Nor,

suppose, did the crude crass

I

Hall manager

who

pinched

punched

his snout.

ass

You should have

Last night. 'Cute chick.' I

my

'To hook a

me

Such porcine lingo makes

seen

it.

chick'

sick.

1.27

 A

venial linguistic tumor.

It's

A joke, It's

But

not benign. Jan.

it

was

just

Where's your sense of humor?

dormant

Why must

since last night.

You blame me

for his roving trotter?

Because, sweet ostrich,

it

was not

a

Harmless joke. Enough said, John. You've got my drift. I won't go on. I

donne do nned d ma mach chis ismo mo

Well,

just to rile you.

you succeeded.

Friends?

Friends

You doubt

it?

Sorry, Jan

— of course, you

Though

think

I

Under 'Male Repentant

Pig.'

John takes her hand, and she

16

 

1.28

 We

need

 A venue Your

 Any Any

first off,

to begin from.

office,

nice

says Janet dryly,

John?

women?

nice guys?

What?

she ventures slyly

Not too

hot.

Oh, come on,

Janet,

fool,

I'll file

  a swig.

how

you

can

don't

I just

go

for that, so can

it.

Well, don't n't knock what you haven't tried.

John

overstirred stir-fried

stirs his

Vegetables for answer, thinking,  She's

We To

had too much. Should

stop at this one? No,

it's

I

best

keep the peace. But when

She

talks

suggest

she's drinking

about the weirdest things

Guys with guys, or

pigs with wings.

1.29

Now From

Janet's fancy

(winged? flighty?)

pigs to pictures

is

enticed.

 Ever tried seeking Aphrodite In a

museum?

Haven't I've

I just?

gaped

at

John

cries,  Christ

With base

volition

Goya, ogled Titian,

Loitered by Rubens with intent,

But have

(to date)

not made a dent

In the cool academic armor

The women wandering through Assume; we

and walls

stare at paint

But not a word's exchanged.  I

gave

My

it

up

those halls

Then, calmer:

eventually.

weekends mean too much to me.

17

 

1.30

—

 Your weekends John thinks

well,

how do you

spend them?

—where do my weekends go?

 Oh, things go wrong.

I

have to

mend them:

A A

plug, the plumbing, the Peugeot,

stone stuck in the electric

And

I'm a regular moviegoer:

Whenever

there's a decent

make

to

I try

Last week (I

I

a Buster Keaton.

think he's great.

can of

The

late

He

to catch

chili.

show

the time and go.

saw

Then home,

A

mower

When

never smiles.)

up on

my

files.

I've eaten,

night news, and so to bed.

John looks forlorn

as this

is

said.

1.31

 I guess

After

my

ail.

( Poor

weekends

too sprighdy

aren't

Jan with a kiss

little

rich boy )

murmurs

 We've got to put a stop to

lighriy,

this.

There has to be a swift solution

To

this impasse.

Electrocution?

I

could jump off the Golden Gate.

I

read in the Bay Guardian ...

I've

got

it,

John

The

perfect answer

shou sh ould ld hav have thought of

I

Your

it.

My

friend

suff suffer erin ings gs are are at an end.

That Th at soun sounds ds Let's hear

He

Wait

listens.

it.

as terminal as cancer.

With

a

tame surmise

Jan says:  Advertise.

18

 

1.32

 What? Advertise? You must be joking I'm serious.

You know,

Jan, you're nuts. Jan, you've

had such

I'm not. a soaking

know

In Tsingtao you don't

Me

You must be

advertise?

Kiddo, I'm not. Just do

what's what.

kidding

my

bidding.

Right now. Today. No way Young handsome yuppie seek ...

Take out an I've

ad.

thou ough ght t yo your ur schemes, though wacky always th

(Conceived in midair, born in haste),

Remained within the bounds of But

as for this

one

—

talk

of something

Let's talk

Young yuppie

.

.

.

taste,

of tacky

else instead.

Better dead than read.

 

1.33

The

family at the next table

Are

listening in with interest.

—when you

 But, John, at least

Why

don't you put

it

feel able-

to the test?

But it's so desperate, so demeaning. Johnny Boy, your mind needs cleaning

Of the Jan,

debris of prejudice.

what has

that to

Its definition is,

do with

states Janet,

 Judging a thing before

But

it's

it's

tried.

the same for suicide,

— or blowing up the

Says John

Why If

it

this?

should

I try it first

planet.

to see

agrees or not with me? 19

 

1.34

 But

that's

... but that's

.

.

.

Janet considers.

'That's what?

It's

a

meat market,

Goats and monkeys, bears, Buyers: grab

DWJSM,

me

Jan.

bulls, bidders,

while you can

50,

Solvent, se sexy xy, , th thri rill llin ing, g, thrifty,

a bosomy brunette

Seeks

Who

play the flageolet.

likes to

Let

me make

Box

69. I will not share

music with you, baby.

A column with such types out there. How could you think I'd do it? Maybe You

see

me

Who gets

as

Male, 26,

his thrills

from hooking chicks?

1.35

up her fortune

Janet picks

Then

puts

it

down, turns

cookie,

to her friend:

 Don't bank too much on youth. Your rookie Season

is

drawing to an end.

John, things Start to

we would

make

sense when,

Thirtydom,

we

What

and

salves

—when young—not think

salads cannot ban,

furrows on our

The

earliest

The

loneliness within our souls,

Our

febrile

clawing for

faces,

mean

cockfights

goals,

and

rat races,

Our

dreary dignity, false pride,

And

hearts stored in formaldehyde.

20

1.36

the brink of

pause to scan

Our programmed

 

on

of,

Time

sidles by:

The soaps

on

television

dissolve, the jingles change.

Defeat or pity or derision

Our

Constricts our hearts.

Even to

us.

The

As an endurable

When To For

strange

grail, perfection,

Dims, and we come to view

Of hope and

grow

looks

rejection

result

trial,

and exult

search or risk or effort chances

grant us someone love,

and

While those

who

who may

who

will

do

love us too

wait, as age advances,

Aloof for Ms. or Mr. Right

Weep

to themselves in the

still

night.

1.37

It's

sad to see you look so lonely,

That's

all,

John does not confute

John.

Jan's passionate

words.

He

thinks,  If only

Things were that simple.

Moved and

He

bubbles

sits

and

stares as little

mute,

Fizz in his beer, and his grand troubles Dissolve:  Well, I'm a lucky

To

have a true friend

You may be

Who

right.

knows what

Wind up

with.

But

He

fails.

like

But sort

He

man

you, Jan.

if I

do

it

of person

 

.

.

I'll

attempts to smile

sighs,  I can't

pursue

I'm sorry that I'm such a pain. It

.

simply goes against

my

grain.

it.

1.38

The

family, the clown, the lovers

Have

left.

Muttering in Cantonese,

Impatiently the waiter hovers

Around

the table.  Check, sir?

Please

But, Janet, what have you been doing?

we met you were

Last time

A

work of

pursuing

deathless interest:

Sculpting three golf balls in a nest.

I'm hunting for an album cover

For the

know

I

disk of Liquid Sheep.

first

just

what

Remembering

Meadow

want.

I

keep

I

above a

this scene:

of lambs a green and white

Hot-air balloon

is

poised in

flight.

1.39

Who

painted that?

I do,

Was

though

I

think

I

know

I

saw

is, it

Sometime

I can't

show

the air

it

Can you remember?

Oh

my

.

.

the most, a

No, I'm

.

stuck.

no, John, no, John, no, John, no

That's where

I

poster at a show.

saw

it.

I've

long time for a proper

been waiting

clue.

check some stores now, thanks to you.

22

 

all

mind's deteriorating. ...

A

I'll

.

though you're out of luck.

You're right

A

though

last year, well, at

Jan, looks as

.

.

was on a poster

Couple of ye year ars s back back. .

Afraid

recall.

September?

last

there,

it

quite

1.40

Fm

sure

up

Picks

John smiles

trace it.

I'll

from

his cookie

shyly,

his plate.

Janet reads out her fortune, wryly:

 For better luck you have

What's

Till winter.

Come

speedily,

my

Congeal

You know

it

to

wait

now, September?

O numb

November.

fingers. Cigarette?

Here's mine: Forget

I don't.

The entanglement of love; forget not

To practice

You

charity.

The cookie

see

me.

says love's not for

John, I've a better dictum: Set not

Any great

store by cookies; set

Tour boat on

course

and spread your net

1.41

John

The

kisses Janet swiftly, lightly.

waiter sets the check by John.

Jan frowns. They pay, and Jan politely

Thanks him and

The cookie

leaves a tip

plate.

upon

She thinks,

 Why

bother?

There's always something or the other,

And

even good

We

Poor guy. I

wish

I

guess.

.

.

The door

Him

.

men

kept

of goodwill.

him

waiting.

but what's the use?

When

.

.

.

Still,

It's trivial,

John attempts to hold

for her, she thinks,

for such slips?

It's

 Why

scold

been convivial.

Part with a smile They smile and part In friendship, with a lightened heart.

23

 

TWO

2.1

That midnight,

And

after

strenuous

drumming

an hour's drive for Liquid Sheep,

After the catcalls of homecoming, Janet's

arm

She cannot

hurts.

sleep.

For hours she stands and views Orion,

The

Bear, the

The

cats asleep

Upon

Dog, the Goat, the Lion, now,

the surface of the

Of Counterpane.

A

World

Then, suddenly smiling,

light within her

To

slackly curled

almond

eyes,

her grandmother's desk she

flies,

Seized by a notion so begu beguil ilin ing g

—must? —she thinks

That she must She must

act instandy

on

it.

24

a bit

 

u The

pen moves on the paper.

fitful

pauses to delete a phrase,

It

Doodles a

attempts to caper

face,

Across a dubious word, but stays Poised in midair.  If injudicious, At least this won't be meretricious;

But individuality

How

do

I strike

If I used. ...

that note? Let's see,

Outside, day

Opus complete, and She stands

The

Her

dawning.

sill

in thought. Eight. Nine.

city sleeps. (Ah,

Most

at the

is

blessed of

all

brea br eakf kfas ast t out, out,

But

still

Sunday morning,

times.)

She

sets

and feeds the

pets.

2.3

Sated with requisite nutrition

They eye her milk and Weetabix As she reads out her composition:  Young handsome yuppie, 26, Straight, forward, sociable, but lonely,

Cannot

believe that he's the only

Well-rounded and well-meaning square Lusting for

love.

Are friendly, Impulsive,

Be

rash.

I .

and fun,

lefs meet.

Cuff, off that sheet

been typed, and guess your paw prints

It's just

.

.

Can

there,

female, under 30,

fit,

Box

Ifyou, out

now .

.

.

it's

(The

dirty.

cats purr.)

serve in place of signature.

25

 

2.4

Brown paper

From

discreetly,

the Bay Guardian arrive

Each week: within

A

marked

packets,

lie,

clutch of envelopes.

Such packets

lie

on

nested neady,

When

five

Janet's table

(Thinner each week) and she

To

is

able

sense a dwindling of the tranche

That seemed She

at first

an avalanche,

the packets to examine

slits

The postmark on each Thinking,  I wonder

As sanguinely with She counts the

And

wonders,

envelope,

if he'll

cope

glut as famine.

letters

— eighty-two

fiercely,

what to do.

2.5

 So  S o many Select a

Or

Jesus

Should

I

vet them,

few and pass them on,

curb myself, abstain, and

Wing

their

let

them

uncensored way to John

Expectant, uncurtailed, each letter

Pleading

own

its

defense?

It's

better,

Surely, to yield to laissez-faire

And burden him with Presume to Picking

my

cull his

bulk than dare

choice by proxy,

path through torrid

lines,

Pert promises and suave designs

From Farah

dulcet

—

a

Deborah to foxy

world of tendered

joys,

A

passion play of pleas and ploys.

26

 

2.6

Two Her

A

mornings

after Janet fires

postal charge, she's roused

on the phone

chilled voice

 You

You

sent

it?

from

inquires:

Janet, you're a creep.

didn't fool

me

minute

for a

But would you care to know what's It's

wasted,

My Is

I

would

Why

say,

in

it?

on me

pornography

interest in

somewhat

sleep.

jaded.

Still,

I'm curious:

did you choose to loose this host

Of bacchantes on me Ought

I

through the post?

You sound

to thank you?

 Your crazy ad

 Was garbage

—

in

him

  she hears

and garbage out

furious.'

shout,

2.7

 Come, John, where  It's

A

dormant since good man wrote

Few

A

pleasant

favorable

last it,

your sense of humor?'

But since assume a

night.

I'd

women might

evince

—who knows? —

Response; I'd find

How

is

could they

With morbid

it

all

quite exciting.

be maenads

lust? Is it that

Well, while we're

inviting

on

mad

bad?

the subject, Janet,

Since you're charmed by your scheme, and

I

a

mere blameless passerby,

Am I think No

it's

better if

you ran

it.

doubt your modest maidens

Quiver to your responsive

will

quill.

27

 

2.8

 John, don't get mad. Just think

You're too much. Look, I'm

O

got to go.

I've

Drive carefully.

over.

it

late for

work.

demon-lover,

I will,

O

jerk.

But loosed upon the frenzied freeway,

He

gives

To

lesser cars

no

quarter, grace, or leeway

within the law.

Tight-lipped, he hears the Peugeot roar Past

little

Bugs and harmless Hondas

At 90 m.p.h.,

his

mind

Pulsing with anger, while behind,

Unnoticed, the deft anacondas

Of the

road-jungle glide in

The cops

fast:

up with him

catch

at last.

2.9

Lights

 Oh God

flash.

The

siren wails.

Just

going to

A

tell

brakes.  Well, I'm

them they can

cop comes.  License,

It's just

Is

John

This means a ticket.

a fine.

hazardous.

Your pace

a

please.

The speed

How

little,

.

stick .

.

.

.

.

This time

you're going

about slowing

Mr. Brown?

John hears him with

it.

a restive frown,

With more impatience than repentance.  Officer,

work begins

The cop

says,  Better late

at eight.

than

'late,'

 

Signing his ticket on that sentence.

 Have

good

now

day,

But John,

28

 

2.10

A

fellow engineer's been fired.

John pleads His boss

He

Above

replies.)

At evening,

is

done,'

tired,

on Route 101.

the rush-hour droves,

Bumper

done

his cause. ( What's

drives back

commuting

to bumper, horns are hooting.

Through the concussive gas fumes John Sees Goodnight, Lemmings

An

overpass.

A

scrawled

upon

stern contralto

Bays Wagner out on  Listener's Choice.

An

overripe announcer's voice

States,

 KDFC,

John turns Till

his

Pah-lo Ahl-to.

knob from

KOME's on

rival

bands

his hands.

2.11

The freeway sweeps

past

humming

pylons,

Past Canterbury Carpet Mart,

Warehouses, ads displaying nylons

On

A

cross,

work, and quarrels with his boss.

jan't

(

a

shapely legs that

cigarette ad, sweet

make John

start.

and suborning,

Subverts the Surgeon General's warning:

A

craggy golfer, tanned, blue-eyed,

Insouciantiy stands beside

A

Porsche-caged blonde; coolly patrician,

He

puffs a menthol-tipped King-size.

John

tries

And heed  Beneath

He

to curb his vagrant eyes

the poet's admonition: this slab

John Brown

is

stowed.

watched the ads and not th the e road. oad.

29

 

2.12

But

in five

minutes other features

Divert him:

 Honk

for Jesus.

I

Swerve to run over little creatures. The President is a lesbian spy.

Nuke

Or  Here I

*

Fan of David Bowie

the nukes,

—and gone to Maui,

today

winos,

V

I

L.A.

Or  Have you hugge ged d your whale Bartenders do

it

with more

Old beach boys do John

it

sighs, looks up.

spirit.

with good vibes.

An

ad describes

The Roach Motel's compelling  Roaches check

John

today?

merit:

—but they don't check out

in

thinks,  That's

what

my

life's

about.

2.13

Need

He

John's

life

be so bug-infested?

wasn wa sn't 't alwa always ys so alone.

Entrepreneurial, double-breasted,

He's changed from what his friends have known.

Work, and the syndrome of

possessions

Leave

At

little

college,

time for

walking

You'd meet your

Too

complicated.

From New York They

We

tc

write,

Yet even those

—Like

Phil,

down

friends. .

digressions.

life's

.

.

the hall,

But

now

Scattered, sifted,

City to L.A.,

must meet up some day

who

haven't drifted

—too

or Jan

far

from John,

He's chary to encroach upon.

30

 

2.14

His work's use does not disconcert him;

At

He

not much. John feels that what chooses to ignore can't hurt him;

least,

Some His

things are his concern,

politics

some

Rigidified;

nor does

Stem from

his tenure in Defense.

It's

wholly

a reflection, in a sense,

Of a

A

not.

have strongly, slowly, this

bit

rigidity deeper-seated.

of an emotional waif

Since, a small boy, he used to chafe

Against the fate that he'd been meted,

The mother's

love he'd never had,

He'd clung to  standards,

good or

bad.

2.15

Mumbling,  Christ,

as

what

he turns off the freeway, a day

it's all

he drives his car

.

.

.

 ;

Beyond

the

The Ferry

Bay Bridge

piers, the

seaway,

Building, to a bar,

In search of

.

dumb

what? Oh, any

.

.

thing-

—something

Love, company, oblivion

To

breach this fearsome solitude.

Two bourbons down, in cheerier mood, He thinks less of the ungiving fetters Of his

bleak

And how

life,

the Universe,

things must get worse and worse,

Than of the

intriguing cache of letters,

Almost untouched, back  I'll

in his

No harm

read a few.

flat.

in that

3i

 

2.16

Back home, he spreads them

in his study,

Boosts his intention with,  Godspeed You've got to get your fingers muddy

When The

panning gold,

first

Is

starts to read.

one, waxing weird and wayward,

Comes from The

and

a

doomed housewife

from Kate

next,

mad

in

in

Hayward;

Marin,

redolent of Chanel and gin;

The

third

.

Of paper,

.

.

but

why

desc de scri ribe be the the riot

color, scent, device,

Construction, style? Let

it

suffice

That, dazed by this immoderate diet

('Too much confectionery, too

John

can't

remember which

is

rich ),

which.

2.17

Yes,

why

describe the louche lubricious

Dreams of

The

a

Daly City Dame,

half-enticing,

subdy vicious

Burblings of Belle from Burlingame,

And

then from Eve of San Francisco,

 Six novel ways of using Crisco,

Or

the th e Tigr Tigres ess s of Tiburon

Who

waits to pounce

Still,

trapped in

Silly

and

John

Too

hapless John.

this traumatic traffic,

cool and hot,

frilly,

finds

on

about a quarter not

evidently pornographic.

Of these

he gingerly picks

'The others

three.

just aren't right for

me.

32

 

2.18

Selection made, John

Three

crisp

now

dispatches

and courtly notes, and waits

Unhurriedly.

The

act detaches

His heart from gloom, leaves to the Fates

What

lies

within their proper region.

To

each of the residual legion

He

sends in a plain envelope

The photocopied You

lines:

will excuse this

/ hope

xeroxed

letter.

hink that hat you and I I do not think

Are matched, but thanks for your To my ad, and I wish you better Luck for

the future. John.

He

But adds no surname to the

2.19

reply

signs, lines.

In his notes, though, he begs the pleasure

On

three successive Saturdays

(If they

Of the

should chance to have the

women

three

leisure)

at three plays

Followed by dinner. Wasp Bluestocking Accepts, and turns up with a shocking

Pink parasol. They see Macbeth,

Where

John's bored to an inch of death

By her

insistent exegesis:

Appearance and

reality

themes

And

the significance of dreams

And

darkness, and the singular thesis

That the Third Murderer

The

central figure

in fact

is

of each

act.

33

 

2.20

Throughout the play she oozes

jargon.

Throughout the meal she oozes French

numbed

Till

John

He He

grows quite

is

pale.

inert as argon.

 Aroint thee, wench

thinks, but keeps a fragile patter

Feebly

afloat.

You look

as

 Why, what's the matter?

white

Force-fed three

as

slices

She laughs genteelly  Just indigestion,

Banquo's ghost

of milk at

her

John

toast.

sally.

replies.

When

the time comes to leave, he sighs,  Lately, my work in Silicon Valley

Leaves no time for

And

2.21

affaires

de coeur

bids a glad adieu to her.

3

Belinda Beale's acceptance

letter

Arrives (with photograph). John smiles.

 Surely Belinda will be better:

What

Unconscious of her wiles

eyes

John waits;

exactly

one week

later

He

goes with her to the theater

To

see that interesting play

Cat on a Hot Tin

Through With

the third act, her dexterous digits,

small attempt at camouflage,

Engage Along

He

Halfway

Roof.

in passionate petrissage*

John squirms and fidgets. swif ift t glan glance ce. . She stops, her a sw

his thigh.

darts

But not

for long.

The

curtain drops.

petrissage:  massage by longitudinal rubbing and

lateral

squeezing

{Chambers's Twentieth-Century Dictionary)

34

 

2.22

At dinner amorous Belinda Stares deep, deep, with her peerless eyes

And

With coos and

is

au

.

.

John

'Ten-thirty

Leaves

mute, table

vin, to John's disgust,

Discomfiture, and rising .

flushes.

so cute

While underneath the elegant

She

she sighs,

to his beleaguered blushes,

strikes her helpless victim

Of coq

tinder

John frowns and

With  Oh, your accent She

 Ah,

flutings.

 You're such a fox

Immune

dampened

to spark John's

tries

fifty

lust,

gets up, concocts a fable,

—

got to go

—my wife—

bucks, and flees for

life.

2.23

'Too bad,

He

he thinks.  Well, third time lucky.

waits for A.T.F.'s response.

 I liked her letter; she

And I

sounds plucky

amicable. For the nonce

think that's what

Would

need. Belinda

I

me

have combusted

And Wasp

me

stung

to learned death.

comes. With indrawn breath

Her

letter

The

lines (as usual, typed).

John reads the note, the

Since

my job's

From San Would

to cinder

taking

friendly greeting,

They

say:

me away

Francisco soon, our meeting

serve

Pvejust been

no aim. Forg Forgiv ive e me, me, please; told this.

Anne

T. Friese.

35

 

2.24

 The King's third daughter, John thinks  If this were just a fairy tale. .

Why am

.

.

taking this so badly?

I

She's just a

name brough ught by

To

the mail,

Gone with

the wind.

He

Anne, I don't mean

writes:

Once more

into

your

her box number to

lumber

consciousness,

me your

But

ifyou left

We

could maintain communication.

This

is

sadly.

returned: Box

Thus Janet

(alias

address

Number Changed.

Anne)'s arranged

Her

creature's discontinuation.

She

feels

the note she wrote for fun

Would have been

better unbegun.

2.25

At

breakfast, sipping a Bacardi

And Coke, Her

guilt.

Jan meditates upon

She forwards seven tardy

Responses to the ad to John.

John reads these with Each seems

On

themes

faint aspiration.

a standard variation he's

hea he ard too loud and long.

 The Rhine maidens have sung This straggling coda

(He

is

bathetic

reads the fifth one) ...

(The

sixth one)

.

That John stayed

.

.

And

celibate

it

their song; .

It's

.

a farce

came

and

The seventh

letter gives

him

2.26

He reads it through twice, somewhat ime being eing had. Of yet one more time It goes: Dear Yuppie, I am wary a personal

the first time,

ad.

should uld mentio mention, n, I sho

That I have broken my convention

Of reticence. I rather

As an

Of

My

A

But,

liked

well,

your

here goes:

literate prose.

attorney, the clear

crafting words (our stock-in-trade) excites

admiration. Nothing blights

document

Tour

like sloppy drafting.

ad, if I

may

to pass

pause.

 

is

.

ascetic.

36

This

.

Curtain down, and weak applause.

Good

Of answering

.

be allowed

chary

.

To matronize

you, does you proud.

2.27

Fm friendly, female, Well-rounded

27,

and somewhat

too,

square.

Pve not yet known romantic heaven,

But harbor

hopes ofgetting there.

Fmfit

least,

—at

Fm

not convulsive;

And fun,

I

To match

the handsomeness you

(I do not

though not impulsive.

hope,

mean

a taunt;

this as

flaunt

I find immodesty disarming), I have heard

I

several people say

am good-looking,

So ifyou'd

in

my

like to meet,

way.

Prince Charming,

That shows discernment. Ifyou flout

My

charms, you are a

tasteless lout.

37

 

2,28

With

all good wishes.

Elisabeth Dorati (Liz)

John

reads, but sees

At times

it

seems

Nervous and

Who

A

is

Tours

sincerely,

.

no image

as if she

clearly.

is

stern, at others hearty.

Elisabeth Dorati:

cool manipulating minx

Or

a wise imperturbable sphinx?

The

hand's

italic,

Crossed out,

warm and

at times,

vigorous,

with a clean

The

paper's cream, of plain design

(No

scent or

frill),

line.

the ink's a rigorous

and the pen, though narrow-tipped,

Black,

Maintains the strength of the clear

script.

2.29

How

could John

(Ex-Stanford Is

know

Law

that Liz Dorat orati i

School,

last year's

batch)

neither cool nor stern nor hearty,

And much

sought

By more than one At the

staid

after as a

match

well-h wel l-heel eeled ed attorn attorney ey

law firm Cobb

& Kearny?

Daily their sheepish, prurient eyes

Swerve from

Unmoved by

their statutes to her thighs. this

redundant bounty,

Liz spends her weekends at her

A vineyard The

folks':

where she reads and soaks

sunlight of

Sonoma County,

Talks to her dad of must and vines, Plays chess with him, and sips his wines.

38

 

2.30

Though Liz was brought up marinading Near the

Jacuzzis

She never reveled

Her

heart, her

of Marin, in parading

knowledge, or her

skin.

She bloomed unhardened by her beauty,

Immune

to  Lizzie, you're a cutie

Though doting aunt and Reiterated

it

Her mother,

was

bleating beau

so.

anxious, loving, rigid,

Said,  Liz, a pretty girl like

you

Ought

to be thinking of

 Mom, do you

Sighed Liz,

me

Just let

.

.

my

get

Out of the way

Et tu>

.

Fm

think

frigid?

law degree

—and then,

I'll

see.

2.31

Though while Into the

So

odd

Appeared

law school Liz had wandered

affair

far at least

Her time or

at

or two,

she had not squandered

on someone who

heart

a candidate for marriage.

Mrs. Dorati might disparage

Her

children (Liz and

For proving such Yet

all

Ed and

Sue)

a fruidess crew;

her gende instigation

( When

I

was your

age,

Ed

.

.

.

don't frown

You

really

Had

foundered in the generation

Of the

ought to

settle

down.

.

.

.

.

.

. )

desired posse of

Grandchildren she could spoil and love.

39

 

2.32

Liz seemed immersed in her career

(For which Miss

Must bear

Toward

a

Simms of fifth-grade math

the blame

more

—who made Liz veer

professional path

Than had been planned by

Ed

Liz's mother).

too had no  significant other

(Or none,

And Sue

at least,

who

in recent years

could be seen).

had been

So captivated by the

cello

That bows and rosin and Mozart,

Not beaus and

roses, filled her heart.

Although

autumn,

Now The

life's

sere

and yellow,

pattered round their mother's days,

kids preserved their childless ways.

2.33

Yet Liz, sweet Liz, a

little

Sequestered in her city

lonely,

flat

(Unlike her student days), with only

The

A

trusty Charlemagne, her cat,

fearsome tabby,

Felt, as

Of her

she

swam

as

companion

the rapid canyon

career, while crocodiles

Nibbled her toes with savory

smiles,

That there must be some happy medium

Between

And

O

a legal partner's life

being a legal partner's wife.

— or

loneliness

else,

O

tedium

And

so one day she hit

The

personal ads and, through them, John.

upon

40

 

2.34 In fact her letter cost Liz dearly.

Skimming Its

the paper, flipping through

pungent

cris

de coeur, she nearly

Passed John's ad by. The word that drew

Her gaze was

 square.

She'd often pondered

Her own geometry, and wondered About

a possible congruence.

Could

be it? A second sense second thoughts aside. Though cringing

this

Nudged

At her unprecedented

With

A

a brash

act,

pen an and d mu muzz zzle led d

tact,

quickening heartbeat and a singeing

Blush, she

composed and

swiftly wrote,

Signed, sealed, addressed, and sent her note.

2.35

On

Sunday morning, groomed and waiting,

John

A

sits

in the Cafe Trieste.

canny veteran of blind dating

(Twice

To

bitten,

once shy),

it is

best

meet, he reckons, far from drama,

In daylight: less romantic, calmer, And, if things should not turn out right,

Convenient for ready

flight.

At noon, the meeting hour appointed,

A

tall,

The (A .

.

fresh-faced blonde enters, sees

suited John.  Excuse me, please

little .

hesitant

.

.

and disjointed)

—John?

Would you be

And

.

you're Elisabeth,

John

smiles.  Correct.

suspect.

I

41

 

2.36

 She's lovely,

John

thinks, almost staring.

They shake hands. John's  Handsome,

all

right,

heart gives a lurch.

and what

he's

wearing

Suggests he's just returned from church.

Sound,

soli solid, d, prac practi tica cal, l,

and

active,

.

.

.

him

Thinks Liz,

 I find

Perhaps.

. All this has been inferred

.

.

Before the

first

substantive

Has passed between

A A

croissant

sit,

word

the two. John orders

and espresso; she

sponge cake and

They

quite attractive.

a

cup of

tea.

but do not breach the borders

Of discourse

at the

till,

They ea each ch brea break k

same time,

silence with,  Well, I'm

—

2.37

Both

stop, confused.

—

 I'm sorry

They

You

 

Both

start together:

Each again stops dead.

laugh.  It hardly matters whether

speak or

Or meant

I,

says John:  I said,

—I'm glad we're meeting.

to say

Liz quiedy smiles, without completing

 Not

she began.

What  Come

One No

clean.

What was

it

need,

admitted in reply.

as if to say,

know why

I feel this

42

 

2.38

arias

from Rossini

wall to wall.

A bum

Unsoberly demands Puccini.

Cups

clink.

what

look, half smiling, at each other,

 I don't

Resound from

now? Come on:

says Liz.  You've said

Half puzzled too,

Around them

says John.

confidence deserves another.

Would have They

fair,

Aficionados

hum

way.

I

And

sing along with Pavarotti,

Expatiate

upon

the knotty

Dilemmas of the world, peruse

The Examiner Or, best of

for sports or

all,

news

the funny pages,

Where

Garfield, that egregious cat,

Grows

daily lazier

And

and more

fat,

voluble polemic rages,

While

praise

by one and

all's

For the black brew of the

expressed

Trieste.

2.39

The

pair are

Jan comes

What For

Too

now

in, sees

rapt in discussion.

them th em, , cann cannot ot hear

they are saying

all

— could be Russian

she knows; she does not steer

close, takes in the situation,

Sees John's face boyish with elation,

While Liz (Who's she?) with vibrant verve In an exhilarating curve

Of explication Looks I feel I

or description

radiant. Jan reflects,

...

Oh

don't want coffee.

Deities wait at I'll

...

Christ

My

home

 Somehow

I feel,

right

now,

Egyptian

for food.

come back when I'm

in the

mood.

43

 

2.40

Unnoticed, Janet

By her

leaves, abstracted

abortive coffee break.

Back

By

in the cafe, Liz, attracted

John's absorption, nibbles cake,

Sips tea, doffs her defensive armor

And, laughing, I like

him, and he

I can't

(O

imagine

cc

thinks, likes

why

O

nightingales

This man's a charmer.

me, though so.

it's

O

moon

roses )

In talk as heady as champagne

She mentions her

 A wondrous

A

toast:

And

cat,

Charlemagne:

John laughs, proposes

cat

'The King and Queen of France

England. Far

may

they advance.

2.41

Well may they

Happy

reign.

Long may

(with just a dash of pain),

He

drains his cup.  But

My

hopes of meeting you again—

What do you For dinner

A

at the

Tree of Heaven

movie afterwards

didn't

go

(The leader

last

says,

—

said)

it's

in the

my I

come

gestalt

group meeting.

should if I

could

But the thought

'Thanks, John,

By shaking hands

Haight

at eight?

week.

This Th is Thur Thursd sday ay. . ...

She

to nourish

—next Thursday—seven

Liz thinks,  There's I

now

say

Say that you'll come

and the

is

 

2.42

pass in a picosecond

fleeting.

pair parts

(with shaking hearts).

44

The days

they nourish.

The days

pass slowly, each a year

Depending on how time

reckoned.

is

Liz, floating in the stratosphere

Of daydreams, For John they

The

sees the

inte in terv rval al unti until l they meet.

Arrives

to retreat.

Thursday. John,

last it's

stares at the

first,

ecstatic,

decor

(Arboreal), then at the door

And

A

flying.

linger, amplifying

The sun seems almost At

hours go

Liz's entrance

is

.

.

.

dramatic:

deep blue dress to emphasize

The sapphire

spirit

of her

eyes.

2.43

Her gold

From

Into a bun.

A

not severely,

hair's fashioned,

a gold chain

suspended

single pearl,

clearly,

Allures his eye. John, once again,

Can't speak for wonder and confusion:

A

woman, or

He

overcomes

And I

divine illusion?

stands.

hope

.

.

.

This place?

his vertigo

He

was

mutters,  Liz, hello. it

a hassle finding

His voice

fails.

He

sits

down.

Liz says,  You're nervous, Mr. Brown.

Don't worry;

That

I

too need reminding

this is real.

In an unplanned

Gesture of warmth, she takes his hand.

45

 

2.44

John looks downwards,

Then slowly Half

fearfully

They look

The

his head,

admonished.

and

sighs.

and half astonished

into each other's eyes.

macho,

waiter, bearded, burly,

Says, Is

lifts

as if

 Madam, though

it's

cold,

gazpacho

what Fd recommend. Noisettes

Of lamb,

Of veal Are

perhaps, or mignonettes

to follow.

.

.

his suggestions.

Unavailing

.

Nothing

Into their ears.  Ah, well,

 They're moonstruck.

It'll

Lovers, despite delays and

And

sinks

he thinks, be plain

sailing.

slips

rotten service, leave large tips.

2.45

Liz, floundering in a confusion

Of spirit,

We

starts to speak:

fought a case about collusion. ...

John

My

know what

says,  I don't

we

Liz, since

I

'Today

mind

met,

I

—O God,

thought

it

was

think it's

a joke,

Fm

to say.

losing

so confusing

but

when

—and then Today, once more— seems Fm nailing Around for something— and We

met,

I

realized

it

I feel

An

ache too desperate for repeal

Or

cure

I

—

as if

my

heart were failing.

was transported Sunday. Then

You

left;

the pain began again.

46

 

2.46

His voice

is

Rinsed of

lowered, wit,

all

of

to

pretense.

all

Liz, helpless in a surge

An undertow

appealing,

lost,

of

feeling,

common

sense,

Finds that she has assumed the tender Reincarnation of dream vendor.

Her

eyes mist over with a glaze

Of sympathy.

Why

tc

She gently

do you

find

it

says,

so surprising

That you are happy? Are you sad

—

So often

tell

me, John.

That we've indulged

You

feel all life's a

glad

in adve advert rtis isin ing, g,

—having met you—

But

Fm

it

would seem

shaky dream.

2.47

As

in

an

airless

room

a curtain

Parts to admit the evening breeze,

So John's exhausted and uncertain Tension admits a transient

And

She looks I'll

mediation

Liz's lenient

Smooths out

find

at

his

ease,

doubt and

hesitation.

him:  Don't be afraid

what you

say bland or staid.

Relieved of the unspoken duty

Of cleverness and

coolness

now

John brings himself to speak, somehow,

Of truth,

ambition, status, beauty,

The hopes (or dupes) for which we strive, The ghosts that keep the world alive. 47

 

2.48

But

meal progresses,

talk turns, as the

To

movie

(heart-unsettling)

stars,

The

chef's (mouth-watering) successes,

The

ills

To

(mind-boggling) of their microchips, flotation

cats, to

Of corporate

bonds, sunsets,

Their childhoods

A

cars,

.

.

inflation,

while, along the way,

.

bountiful, rich cabernet

Bestows

On

its

warm,

full-bodied flavor

everything they touch upon,

But most of

Who,

all

on Liz and John

fluent as the draught they savor,

In phrase both fulsome and condign

Sing praise of Californian wine.

2.49

Cut

to dessert.

An

apt potation

Of amaretto. They The cinema

And hand The

A

for conversation,

in

hand they

Adjourn

at this

below

Next

hour,

for ice cream, rich

Tivoli's, near Carl

and whole,

and Cole;

—refreshing drama

for a drive

Of changing

streets

and changeless bay

And, where the fog has

The

stroll

fog-transfigured Sutro Tower,

masted galleon

At

forgo

exquisite bright

Of streetlights,

cleared away,

panorama

sea-lights, starlight

Above, below, and overhead.

48

spread

 

2.50

The night

is

They stand

November.

cold. It's late

by

close, shivering side

side,

Chilled by the ice cream, yet an ember,

A

ignited

flare,

This staring

by the

ride,

at the lights together,

Defends them from inclement weather.

They

stand, half shivering, half

Below the tower on Telegraph

Not

still,

Hill,

speaking, with a finger tracing

The unseen

lines

Liz turns. They

Caught

from

kiss.

in a panic

star to star.

They

kiss,

of embracing.

They cannot hold each other

Enough

they are

tight

against the chill of night.

2.51

Daybreak. John wakes to sunlight streaming Across an unfamiliar bed.

 A cream

With

duvet?

lilac

Of my

must be dreaming

—instead blanket— and the

hexagons

plain

An open

I

glass skylight revealing

—and what's My God — With

Clear sky

A

cat

He

ceiling:

this

 

starts as,

on

my

feet?

swift heartbeat

through the door

he's facing,

Liz enters with a co coff ffe ee tray tray In negligible negligee.

She pours two cups. Without embracing

They

And

sit,

their eyes infused with sleep

love,

and drink the potion deep.

49

 

2.52

Friday, though; the office beckons.

It's

(No time

To

shave now.) John's boss frowns; he reckons

There's been a hitch:  Oh,

A

no time

for sleep or love,

hi,

—I'm

John

concerned about this bubble Memory. ... John strokes his stubble bit

And hums As

as beatifically

bumblebee

a sun- sated

Besotted by the soft vibration

Of his own

pollen-dusted wings,

Oblivious to other things

Than

He

his congenial meditation.

says,

 What bubble memory?

His boss gawks

at

him

pityinglv.

2.53

But

Liz, with

promptitude and pertness.

Displaying a resplendent smile,

A

near-extravagant alertness, £C

And murmuring, When Storms through

A

block of

six

(in spite

in

doubt,

of

all

file,

distractions)

Secure Transactions

In record time.

Her

colleagues sigh:

—I'm sure she must be high. (One mutters:  Coke—she looks so hyper.

 Poor Liz

Anot An othe her: r: I

A

Acid Acid can be rough.

wonder where she third:

gets the stuff.

 Speed leads to speed.

With

riper

Worldliness, her boss says:  She's

Hooked on

a stronger

drug than

these. )

50

 

2.54

John's watch beeps out the hour of seven.

Liz meets him, but this time outside

A

theater near the Tree of

To

Heaven

movie they denied

see the

Themselves

They choose

last night.

to tender

Ill-judged obeisance to Fassbinder.

Ten minutes of Veronika

Voss

And John

at a loss.

What's

this

Or my

flat?

about?

Your

Beats me

Mine?

Either

Through the

And

I'm

says,  Liz,

attic

Let's go.

glow

skylight the Pleiads

soon, despite the operatic

Dissonances of Charlemagne,

The

loving pair

make

love again.

2.55

The

loving pair has bit the apple

Of mortal The

knowledge. As

we

see

rosy half-light of love's chapel

Halo

their ardent heads, should

Hymn

them

Forbear,

O

in accents

hush hu shed ed and holy?

Gentle Reader. Slowly,

Ah, slowly, from

Of rash

we

their

whim-swept height

delirium and delight

All sober inklings of perspective

Sink in the

Wash of tenderness.

Far better, since

To

my

life's

.

.

.

a mess,

spray the mooncalfs with invective.

Why

Am

do they look so

loverless,

when

pleased,

I

and pine, and sigh?

51

 

2.56

Who

was

Of two

it

said,

 Love

is

the friction

From  Your

skins ?

place or mine?

There follow weeks of sweet addiction

To

insular if sparkling wine.

Liz,

now

addressed by John as  honey,

Responds to him with  funny bunny. Their diction has,

alas,

become

Incomprehensible and numb. Their brains appear to be dissolving

To

sugary sludge as they caress.

In lieu of

fire,

force, finesse,

We have a ballet now involving A pretty pas de deux instead, With common Walkmans on

their head.

2.57

Judged by these

Love

is

ar artl tles ess s se serf rfs s

of Cupid,

not blind but, rather, dumb.

Their babblings daily grow more stupid. I

am

embarrassed for them. Come,

Let's leave

As happy

Or

them

here, the blessed yuppies,

as a pair

doves,

who

of puppies,

with their croodlings might

Make even Cuff and Link seem Let's leave

them

bright.

fragil ile e fict fictio ions ns to their frag

Arcadia, Shangri-la, Cockaigne

A

land beyond the reach of pain

Except for two slight contradictions,

To Is

wit

.

.

.

but what transpires next

furnished later in this

text.

5

 

THREE

3.1

As Liz and John move out of focus Into an amorous mist,

Our

An

lens,

let's shift

Dear Reader, to

hour south along that

That unnerves half of

a locus rift

California:

Not

just the crusty cohorts

But

all

who

born here

earn their bread and

Along the San Andreas

Commerce and

salt

Fault.

learning, manufacture

And government

proceed above,

2

And

nature's loveliness,

Beneath them

lies

and

love;

the hideous fracture,

Author of the convulsive shocks That

and

rip the hills

the rocks.

split

53

 

3.2

A

tow-haired boy

Upon

sits

with his father

a rock that caps a

The son

hill.

would

(Paul) says that he

rather

Catch centipedes. The father (Phil, John's school chum, whom we mentioned

Looks on amused

as

Paul grows

earlier)

surlier.

Paul's six, his father's twenty-eight;

And

as

they

sit

and

altercate,

Phil rests his

hand on

 When

his age,

I

was

 My moods I

were

wonder why,

Paul cuts I

know,

in:

as

his son's shoulder.

Phil recalls,

as unfixed as Paul's.

we grow

older ...

 Dad, you're going bald.

replies Phil, unenthralled.

3.3

Phil meditates

'They say

on

his condition:

that our maternal genes

Determine our predisposition

To

lose hair. ... If that's true, that

(Crumbling

a dry

His head, and

oak

means

.

he scratches

leaf,

fingers his bald patches

Exploratively, rubs his nose,

And

takes his glasses off.)

.

.

.

Suppose

(His brows crease up in meditation.)

.

.

.

.

.

Instead of losing hair,

.

To

were

it

coat our forehead like a fur

And

then usurp, in swift migration,

Our

eyes, cheeks, lips. ... I guess,

good

It's

that

we grow

bald

when

54

 

3.4

Soothed by such counterfactual reason Phil's

To

thoughts turn from his homely face

the crisp features of the season:

The straw-gold With here

hill, this

oak-strewn place,

the flutter of a dusty

Sparrow, and there the encroaching rusty

Lichen upon the rock where Paul Sits

singing to himself, and

The

hillsides

And

burred with

all

skeletal thistles

thornbush, and the clear cool

air

Presaging winter rain, and there

A

mockingbird with chacks and whisdes

Liquidly aviating through

A

sky of Californian blue.

3.5

Two

brittle

oaks in dark rigidity,

Bare-branched and canted, crown the

Above

A

the rock with swift fluidity

scrub jay flashes to

—A cyan

its

nest

—where the greenery

flicker

Of misdetoe

revives the scenery

Entangled in the generous boughs

crest.

all

told,

old.

Of its

old host; and cattle browse

Along the moister

As

gullies, scattering

joggers, pulsing with intent,

Strive ridge-wards, hell- or heaven-bent,

Stern-visaged, gasping, frothing, battering

The

patient earth with the curt beat

Of itchy

and

soles

athletes' feet.

55

 

3.6

The

distant cattle's baleful lowing,

The

distance runners' stoic pace,

The way

the distant world

—the space and

Crazy

The job

going

is

missile race

Phil left in Datatronics

(Hive of robotics and moronics)

Preoccupy him

At

as

he smokes

ease beneath the tilting oaks.

While firms were wooing him and clamoring

To

lease

from him

and

his soul

brains,

Phil shocked his friends and slipped his chains.

The SOS

his heart

Had grown Thus

was hammering

too loud to be ignored.

Phil reflects; his son

.

.

.

bored.

is

3.7

Paul

now

petitions for a story.

'What? Oh, .

.

.

About .

.

.

OK.

This one a cat

.

.

There was a

Liked drinking

.

.

.

(Phil blinks.)

called Chromiska's Glory.

is

.

Let's see

(He cat

ink,

pauses, thinks.)

who, when

a kitten,

and had been

bitten

By

Oh

Go

...

How

 

several rats

on, Dad.

large?

Phil snaps a twig.

He rubs his nose  Now as a kitten

she had lapped

Up

...

so

much

ink.

in concentration.

His father warms to

Paul

listens, rapt.

his narration.

Paul cups his chin, the plot swings

And

twenty minutes pass

 

3.8

And

Grew

that

To

last

eyelash and whisker.

asked,

was

it

from

fright,

would not

friends said no, but

About

And

the cat Chromiska

silver-haired that winter night

Down to her When people Her

why

is

the snowstorm that befell

to this day, the reason's

tell

them

them

known

you, me, and the cats alone.

Phil sips a Michelob, and, serious,

Looks

at his son,

Return

his gaze

whose deep brown

with pleased

 Tell

me

another, Dad.

surprise.

Phil starts

The Story of Three Apple

Tarts.

3.9

 Once, in a country green and

There lived three bakers.

And

friendly,

And one had

hilly

One was

one was slim and whiskers

eyes

Then, imperious:

Paul says,  Chromiska

fat

silly,

like a cat.

free,

like three.

56

 ...

'This big.

You sh shou ould ld have have But, best of

Fresh apple

Rose to

smelt their

when

all,

There was

To

?

Phil,

Where was

Says,  Sky.

I'll

when

a grateful firmament. 5

bread baking,

they were making

tarts, that's

'What's 'firmament

—

warm

the scent

somewhat chastened, up

Well,

I?

.

.

.

there,

and greedy Bear

a great

—who hastened

point him out tonight

find out

where

Was coming

this glorious scent

down

from. So

he went.

57

 

3.10

He

A

heard the

song

silly

baker

called 'Apple

humming

of My Heart,'

While the bewhiskered one was drumming

And

yelling, 'Sweet as apple tart '

And

the fat baker roared with laughter

And

shouted, 'Appily ever

after.'

The hungry Bear now grew

He

smelled the fresh-baked

Deliciously

upon

afraid. tarts, all laid

the table.

He

stood and trembled near the door

Till

he could stand the smell no more.

He

thought,

'If

only

— one

To

steal

one

I'll

leave

them two.

tart

I

I

were able tart, that's all.

promise.'

.

.

.

Paul

3.11

For Paul has upped and gone exploring

And now

is

nowhere to be found.

Phil wonders,

 Was my

epic boring?

Where's he gone off to?

.

.

.

On

the ground,

Stretched out, examining a spider,

mouth exp expand anding ing wider wider

Paul sprawls, his

As, suddenly, he sees

up

Phil walks

And It

him where he

to

upon

puts his hand

His son

went

straight

up

Put on your coat.

lies

his shoulder.

 Wow, Dad,

says,

did you see?

into the tree.

Phil answers,  Son,

A

it rise.

it's

getting colder.

Paul says,  Dad, get

spider for us as a pet.

58

 

3.12

 No. I like

Why

cc

Spiders have weird habits.

not?

them.

I do.

I don't.

Get something we both

'Why

rabbits,

like, like rabbits.

They make great

Dad?

Your mother used

to

like.

.

Halts in mid-utterance and

What he had meant You want

Let's

.

.

pets.

Phil falters,

alters

to say.  Well, son

a spider? We'll get one.

Put on your coat now.

.

.

. As they

linger,

Paul sees a green patch on the plain.

 A field? A lake, when filled with rain. And that? Paul points a questioning finger At

Stanford's roofs of clay-baked red.

 A

school.

3.13

.

.

.

 You

talk like

Mom

is

dead.

An

abru ab rupt pt torq torque ue of pain and sorrow

Wrenches (Claire's

Phil's heart.

haunted

He

stares at Paul.

We'll get that spider for you.

Diversion

is

in vain.

Himself

fear.

At

in check,

All

Though

first

quiet,

sudden

Paul's heart beats with a

Of lonely

tomorrow

eyes.)  First thing

riot

he keeps

but then he weeps,

his s fa fath ther er, , half accusing; Turns from hi Without a word, he sobs and cries

And

folds his

And

sits

arms across

his eyes

and hugs himself, refusing

Solace or love or father's hand,

Lost in his

forfeit

motherland.

59

 

3.14

Phil puts his arms around him, kisses

His grimy

face

Poor boy,

and

says,

 Don't

If

been a year,

you

just

Or what Or

like to

are

six.

—

sometimes

he's

your leaving.

been grieving

be alone

lines,

or

visit

at the very least

Send him some small

gift

from back East?

Are you too busy? Poor? What

Why You

3.15

can't

.

Couldn't you phone

write just a few

Him

.

I.

Claire, since

knew how

it's

When you

.

he thinks,  I guess he misses

His mother even more than It's

cry.

you

write?

love your son as

Why much

is it?

don't you? as

I.

Why?

A

year.

A

year.

That snooty tweedy

Son-of-an-East-Coast-bitch

You'd see right through

—

I

thought

his act, his

weedy

— or would have fought pressure —what? —temptation? The —What a laugh —whimsy, inspiration Compliant charm flattery,

O

God,

I

wish

— Married— Your

face

I

I'd never seen

wish

I'd never

we

Cl Clai aire re, , Clai Claire re, ,

been loved each other.

We

lived together for six years.

I've

shed too

To

many

cry again. Paul

Who But

tedious tears

had

a

kissed him, read to

he's right, she's as

mother

him

good

in bed,

as dead.

60

 

3.16

You

What gave you

Why I

dominate you.

said I tried to

would

I

want

think of you and

Of any

— Claire —Do hate you?

that idea to? I

I

despair

happiness without you.

What wretched Makes me

still

loveliness

long to see you

me what

You've done to

Would have

.

.

about you

.

to

when

most men

What's changed? What could have

changed you?

You must have Your

loved

me

to resist

family's unsubtie twist

When

they insisted I'd deranged you

Claire

Cabot marrying

For

all

their

Wasp

Philip Weiss

stings

of

advice.

3.17

And

living happily ever after

—

Amen

Should

good

as a

say. Christ, I

can hear their laughter:

we thought he

'Poor Claire,

'Marry in haste, repent

At

least

at leisure.'

wreck. Perhaps

They knew you Yourself I

wouldn't do.'

your great-aunts got some pleasure

Out of the

And

Jew

atheist

true

it's

you knew

better than

—when you were sweet and twenty

was dumb and twenty-one.

But we were happy, had

.

.

.

a son,

Invested in a piano, plenty

Of furniture,

a

Ford Capri,

TV

Insurance, dishwasher,

.

.

.

61

 

3.18

.

.

.

I at

The works. Sometimes we'd

light a fire,

the keyboard, and you'd sing

Like the old days in the Bach choir

Where we

first

Remembering

met.

Those evenings with the darkness coming,

Your

While,

like

an uneq unequa ual l metronome,

—

Paul thumped the floor

Was what What

I'd always

Disfiguring

is

home

longed and prayed

rings

leave

me,

for.

Claire? I guess

what dreams

fool in bliss,

Our

think our

I

crept rept into our happiness?

What made you

A

my humming-

voice, the whispering flames,

are

what made me

were not

soft

made

for.

feel

gold but

steel?

3.19

Such thoughts melt through the frozen

Of his

river

sad mind, and yet out loud,

Seeing Paul quiedy weep and shiver,

He

says, taut-featured,

 No, Paul,

gone away.

she's

I just can't tell you,

Think you're

says,

And

everything

 In

 Don't say I

When

him

that.

You

are

you'll

grown

up, to leave me, son.

3.20

And

go home. ...

It's

getting chilly,

we've got dinner to prepare.

Paul gets a free ride

down

the hilly

Track to the road, and once

down

Reluctandy climbs off

shoulder

Phil's

there

Into the small Volkswagen: older, Less fancy than the Ford Capri,

But now, with two instead of three,

And

(since the break

No money The

coming,

with Datatronics)

as Phil says,

right car for these straitened days:

Secondhand, squat, no supersonics ( Zero to ninety in seconds

But tough and

friendly for

all

be the one,

 

let's

tighdy,

Then, more brighdy,

62

Now,

then

care for, Paul.

you know,

you've

When

me.

Phil, shocked, stares,

never leave you. fact,

—but never

son

snot-nosed) to

(still

And I'll

Forever?

alone. You've got

Will you leave me?

Holds Paul

head half bowed,

flat ),

all

that.

3.21

Zucchini from the kitchen garden, Potatoes, turkey, kiwi fruit, Jell-O that won't consent to harden,

And

cups of chocolate constitute

The evening

Queen of

meal.

their haven,

The merry widow Mrs. Craven

—Plump, With

sage,

sixty- two

and

a postprandial

 Now

—

eat this

pumpkin

are

ignore

I can't

it.

star

Both you youngsters

Starving to death.

With

pie.

don't want to store

I

Ah, Mrs. Craven, you're a Baloney

— drops by

it.

this their landlady ca carv rves es thre three e

Great wedges out with gourmet

glee.

63

 

3.22

 A

little

brandy, Mrs. Craven?

Well, thank you.

Of your good Your

shirt's

.

.

.

Phil,

you must

looks. You're

impressed.

unshaven.

all

Look

take care

at

your

hair.

Phil grumbles,  Mrs. Craven, baking Pies to

expand

Fun of my

My

To

looks

and making

that's really

low

Oh

Craven, racy redhead,

blares her stereophonic

craft fairs all

Peddling her

Who

—

girth,

daughter swears you're handsome.

Rowena

Who

my

around the bay,

quilts,

totes her

way

commi co mmitt tted ed Dead Dead-he -head ad

boodegged

tapes about,

Thinks Philip Weiss

is

just far out.

3.23

movement

Herself embroiled in the peace

nigh ght t scho school ol (She's taking Russian in ni

Three times a week  for world improvement ),

Rowena

To

thinks Phil's ultra-cool

leave his job for the sole reason,

'To go on would have been high

To common

treason

sense and humankind.

Last Thursday evening,

when

In Palo Alto with her mother,

She mentioned her new flame.

He

Who's the poor man?

How near?

she dined

 Oh

lives

dear

near here.

Oh, choose some other

Next door.

Quarry, Rowena. Please don't crush

Poor

Phil's heart into quivering

mush.

64

 

3.24

Now

Paul yawns as he nibbles candy,

And

the pie's vanished, bite by bite,

And

Mrs. Craven's drunk her brandy,

And

the time's

Now

come

they're alone,

Insists Phil read

Out of the

to say

good

night.

and Paul, though

sleepy,

him  something creepy

grisly Brothers

Grimm.

Phil smooths his pillow, reads to him.

The boy ingests the gruesome With equanimity, but soon His eyes

close.

Now

Phil

diet

hums

a tune

In a voice low, unedged, and quiet

Until he sees that sleep has come:

A

tune from Brahms Claire used to hum.

3.25

To I

adjust a portrait too one-sided,

ought to

state that in re Claire

Informed opinion

Her

is

divided.

family frowned at Phil's crude

Then shrugged, and

Rogue

air,

tried to absorb their burly,

son-in-law who, curt and surly,

Splattered (to Claire's grief) needless

Upon

her nest of gentiefolk.

Phil's scorn

of  country-clubbing rabble,

His jangling views,

And

yolk

his

uncouth

jokes,

(once, at Christmas with Clai Claire re's 's folk folks) s)

His use of  queynte

win

to

at Scrabble,

Resulted in a virtual ban

On

Phil

from the whole Cabot

clan.

65

 

3.26

Post-marriage incompatibility

Of taste and

Now

style

and

hammering on

Exposed

its

Phil's vigor,

interest,

love's fragility,

contract to the

once

test.

his great attraction,

Exhausted Claire now; her reaction

To argument was Into her Fiercely

life

and

to withdraw

close the door.

from Florida,

Phil's

Old Mrs. Weiss, defended

mother,

Claire,

Declaring with a Delphic

That Phil would never

Woman For

like her,

air

find another

and was to blame

Claire's defection

when

it

came.

3.27

To

from the anxiety

shelter Paul

Erratic visits

might

create,

Claire remained absent.

Of this

The

propriety

open to debate,

is

But not the

of her intention:

tilt

Her pain and

loss

and apprehension

At separation from her son Grieved her as Bewildered by

much

this

anyone. harsh estrangement, as

Clai aire re's 's pets pets, , clos osed ed th the e piano, sold Cl Phil cl

Paid off the bulk of their joint debts

And, following the rearrangement

Of his Office

curbed

of

love,

state, as

an unplanned

took Paul in hand.

66

 

3.28

few months

It

happens

A

concert of three string quartets

that, a

Draws Liz back

to her alma mater.

She phones John,

Go down

 I've

got

tickets; let's

to Stanford. Sue'U be playing.

Ed won't be That

later,

there, despite

my

saying

sibling solidarity

Concerns him

just as

much

as

me. ...

I

hope Sue

disappointed.

isn't

'The program?

 Ah

Moza Mo zart rt, , Scho Schonb nber erg, g, Brahms.

charms

well, that certainly has

Though you know,

how

darling,

me

These jumbled periods make

Where

are they playing?

3

disjointed feel.

Dinkelspiel.

3.29

 Schonberg's an ulcer-generator.

OK,

Oh, don't be stodgy, John. It's

a date, honey.

They hear

Two

days later

the Ionian Quartet play:

Four students. Sue draws dark and mellow Lyrical

magic from her

In Mozart's

O

cello

quartet in D.

last

loveliness, constrained

and

free

Ah, Mozart, prince of mu musi sic c ma make kers rs

Who

(for the miracle

Lie buried in an

Now

you gave)

unmarked

grave

the world movers and world shakers

—Archbishops, stewards, counts, and kings Rot

voiceless,

you

still

lend us wings.

67

 

3.30 Rich, bright, enrapturing, enthralling Tapestry

Tears

As Liz

come

hears

them

play,

into her eyes, recalling

That half-forgotten childhood day

When,

at the insistence

She and her

sister

of their mother,

and her brother

Were press-ganged

into lessons.

Ed

Soon dumped

his violin, instead

Sustaining through his adolescence

(By turns) guitar, trombone, and Liz's viola

But

a

bow grew

sax.

lax.

melodious iridescence

Of joy

today envelops Sue

In her Mozartian debut.

3.31

 What

a magnificent requital

For

Mom's

It's

all

two hours'

Down

pains.

Too bad

she's

ill.

drive to the recital

from our

place; Dad's not young.

Still,

Sue said she'd tape the Mozart for them.

Oh

hem. I'm sure Schonberg would bore them.

well,

John jams her thought waves to complain,  This sandwiched Schonberg

is

Then, in a tone more sour and  .

.

To

We

.

If only they

shift:

a pain. surly,

could arrive I've

late

or leave

brought I

my

early.

earplugs

 

3.32

Engulfed in Schonberg's cerebral

John writhes, and looks intensely

John

—

That's

dear,

him

sharply.

clatter, ill;

 What's the matter?

Liz whispers. John says,  Phil

there

—

 

won't put them on.

68

up

.

would condescend

 Calm down, hon.

sits

.

this crap to either end,

Thank God

Then

.

—Berkeley— engineering

finished hearing

John

3

His son, too This horror,

— when we've go say

let's

hello.

So in the interval they go Over to where his friend is showing His son the

On

of

rules

tic-tac-toe

the verso of the program.

Philip, old

buddy, how's

Not too bad,  Oh,

let

me

 Whoa

going?

it

 And

smiles Phil.

introduce you. Liz

.

this is .

.

.

.

.

3.33

.

.

Meet

.

Hello.

—and Paul—Weiss ... Liz Dorati.

Phil

A

The two of us

On

Say what, Phil—

pleasure. are

throwing a party

Friday night. Housewarming. Will

You

join us? Liz has been inviting

hey, what's that writing? Horrendous hordes Nothing, Phil mumbles, 'Tic-tac-toe. .

.

.

.

me,

If Paul can spare tc

sure,

Well,

young man,

Yes,

Paul concedes,  if

will

I'll

you I

Split following the

And

free

your father?

can stay .

.

.

I'd rather

Brahms.

Paul has school

.

go.

With Chuck Lamont when Dad's away.  Phil, coffee after this?

.

It's late,

at half past eight

.

.

.

69

 

3.34

.

.

.

Oh,

This Friday, then. yes, the

back of

For your address.

.

.

.

.

.

What was

this will .

What

I

saying?

do

brilliant playing

That

cellist

.

She's

.

.

You're serious?

my

sister,

Sue.

She's quite amazing.

Yes.

All four are good, but without raising

Her

voice above the others, she

Illuminates the other three.

No

stridency,

moving,

Clear,

A

no

ostentation,

fine

.

.

.

your

sister is

marvelous musician, Liz.

on my

Please pass

'Tell her yourself

She'd

like that.

appreciation.

on

Friday, Phil.

She'll

She

be there?

will.

3.35

John nods,  A word, Phil

Come

.

.

(Liz, excuse us)

.

—we two veterans

early

.

,

will

Find something crazy to amuse us Just like old times.

John gentiy

About

says,  Phil,

I'm

Of my

real sorry

are for the best. Last

papers came through.

Of this;

says Phil.

with Claire. ...

this thing

These things

Our

Old times,

.

.

.

Don't worry-

week

Let's not speak

instead of an outpouring

disasters,

what of you?

What's the worst trauma you've been through? 'This Schonberg.

It's

obscenely boring.

Ah, John, the same cantankerous wit.

My

friend,

you haven't changed

a bit.

70

 

3.36

 But you've changed

John

thinks:

Why

did you drop your job? If you

.

.

.

your vocation.

Come

early for the celebration

We

could clear up a thing or two.

He

asks,  Phil,

how

did Datatronics

Take your departure? Histrionics? such luck

Oh, no Checked

in

my

soon

As

badge and

They took on someone .

.

.

as I

said good-bye,

else.

.

.

But, really

.

(Phi (P hil l smil smiles es) ) ... to change the subject, Liz

—Your new Lovely,

I

friend

.

and housewarmer

.

.

—although we've merely

—

is

think

Exchanged two words

.

.

.

I'm glad for you.

John's pleased; and flattered too.

'Thanks, Phil

3.37

The

lights

Throats

The

have dimmed.

clear.

Brahms'

brisk allegro.

Warm

of

they're returning.

Minor

lyric spins

at leisure

from measure to measure

a continuous tenderness

So deep

it

smooths out

all

distress,

All sorrow; ravishing, beguiling

And on and on

till

silence

Phil's eyes are closed,

Floating

on

a

.

.

.

comes.

Paul whispers, 'T 'Th hat's at's the tune

Back

begins.

a yearning

glimmering thread

Inveiglingly

With

Then

ductile length

Its lovely

A

Now

but Paul

Mom is

hums

smiling,

slow tide of Brahms,

in his absent mother's arms.

71

 

FOUR

4.1

 Liz, dear,

Your

We

A

friends,

hope

Her

it's

been

just lovely

and John; what

that soon. ...

meeting

a nice boy.

Without completing

exhortation to enjoy

copula more sacramental

(Resulting in the incidental Production of grandchildren

—three

—to dandle on her knee),

Seems best

Mrs. Dorati hugs her daughter

And

drives off with rheumatic care.

Liz stands and breathes the sharp night

air,

While from the house keen squeals of slaughter

And

wrath

Have

just

attest that

commenced

Liquid Sheep to rant and weep.

72

 

4.2

So much

for the Vivaldi. Thinking,

 Mom's got out

of time,

in the nick

Drinking

Liz turns back.  Ah, the hostess

His seventh

of gin and lime,

glass

Professor Pratt, fine-tuned historian

(Renowned

creator of Victorian

How

Architecture in Pittsburgh;

Was

Pittsburgh

With plump

—No

grants from the Frosch Foundation as

he

the academic tree

Pittsburgh

—The Savior of

Roars in her ear

And

and Won; and now,

voluminous

less

Hops up

Lost

as she

the Nation) ,

goes by

holds her with his bulbous eye.

4.3

 Professor Pratt, (John's really

At

last,

To new

On

my

how good

me

left

dear

I

Professor Pratt,

—

odd

And why's

thought

it

would be

he's

.

.

.

Was hoping

.

this yelling,

selling .

.

(There's

suit

John

on

at the table?)

.

Yes

.

Just as

things had gotten stable, all is flux,

cat pissed

on

73

 

.

you

.

Liz goes over.  Hi

to prove that

Your squalid

.

new

got a

Something wrong, dear?

if

I'd treat

Thanks, but with

he kicking

Excuse me.

As

.

in the lurch) ...

theories short to try

That's

you

directions in research

Pittsburgh.

Your

to meet

my

tux.

I

4.4

 Poor Charlemagne. He's It's

agitated.

this noise, dear. Please don't

make waves.

 Nonsense. That cat should be castrated Unless,

John

splutters,

John, dear, don't go

Look round

A

tux looks

all stiff

and

.

.

.

stuffy.

you. Everyone's so scruffy

—take my

odd

Oh, by the way, I

 he behaves.

Mom

wonder why Dad

advice.

thinks you're nice.

couldn't

make

it.

.

.

.

.

.

Liz ripples on, while John thinks,  Drat

That mangy misbegotten I

hate the beast, and

cat.

I can't

fake

it

.

.

.

(While Charlemagne, from the back room,

Yowls ou out t symm symmet etri ric c

spells

of doom.)

4.5

But

now

In a

new number,  Love

with vigor

With thuds and

fierce

and

frantic,

Dispriz'd,

screechings corybantic

(The neighbors have been neutralized

By being

invited to the frolic),

The Liquid Sheep with

hyperbolic

Frenzy are squirming in the spasms

Of uncontrollable To

Janet's

orgasms

mad, mesmeric cb-urnming.

Then, suddenly,

silence.

The audience howls

 More

More

.

.

More

for an encore

But there can be no second coming For Liquid Sheep, who, mute and spent,

Disband to seek out nourishment.

74

 

.

:

4.6

Now

John keeps Philip

my

 Rose, meet

circulating.

old friend Philip.

Rose

Finds the Sheep  too, too enervating.

She smiles

at Phil

But English

Are not

And

as

and blows her nose.

unofficial roses

bland as he supposes,

Rose, whose nasal septum throbs

With

And

coke, dilates between her sobs

on  Daddy's super

snorts,

bashes ;

Then, wilting from chic gibberish Into a bruised Americish:

 But not

Are

like

cultural attaches

all

my

Still, that's

dad, for heaven's sakes

the

way

the biscuit breaks.

4.7

Phil frowns,

and

He

arm of

dips one

—Daubing

its

sets

down

his

his thick specs

tortoiseshell

ground pattern

With bold green guacamole Into a nearby bowl, and

Massages

manhattan.

flecks

licks

it,

and picks

his blunt nose,

it,

Grunting,  You're really something, chick

He

I'm stuck.

And

But Rose by

now

is

trick,

fleeing

Phil's left blessedly alone,

Content

He

do the

thinks,  If this won't

in

an inviolate zone.

chuckles.

But

alas, Liz,

Him

seeing

by himself, steers him to where Janet and Sue, with hybrid flair,

7

5

 

4.8

Discuss,  Is acid rock agogic?

And  How

does Bach

relate to

punk?

As Jan expands with pedagogic Verve on the genesis of funk,

Her new

friend states,  Ein Heldenkben

And Warum .

.

.

ist

das Licht geyeben

(Snatches of which she sings out loud

—Shy Sue,

forgetful of the crowd)

.

.

.

Apotheosize pan-Germanic

Gran Gr ande deur ur and and gloom. ...

Could crawl

Phil wishes he

off unobtrusively,

But heedless of his

spiraling panic

Liz wedges in with  Janet, you

Know

Phil

.

.

.

Phil,

my

meet

sister,

Sue.

4.9

Phil, faced

by Janet

—

—trembles:

Claire's friend

 Hi, Jan, long time no see

Observes him

A

But Jan

he resembles

as if

putrefied orangutan.

Once With

and Jan had double-dated Claire re, , el elat ated ed, , Phil and John. Once Clai Claire

Stopping her ears to Cabot screams,

Had wed

the pauper of her dreams.

 Claire's

not to blame,

Thus by

default the fault

Jan sets her gaze

at

Look

While Phil admires the Twirling his glass

And gnaws

his lip

thinks Janet stoudy.

like a

is Phil's.

that Kills

floor,

devoutly

prayer wheel,

with vampire

76

zeal.

 

4.10

Jan says,  Excuse me, Sue. Phil's

Sue

knees

Don't know,

see you.

papaya pulp.

feel like

why

asks,  Phil,

I'll

did Janet

flee

you?

evades Phil with a gulp:

—

—

 Sue Sunday night the 'Royal' trio I thought you played it with great brio.

And

.

.

Sue, diverted, smiles and says,

With warm-eyed gaze

 So you were there? She looks

What

it's

at Phil

about

He's looking

Some

at

and

thinks,  I

wonder

—I'm sure John knows us— suppose I

unfor un forgo gotte tten n feud feud or blunder.

Across the room, John gloats to Liz,  She's falling for

—

him

bet she

is

4.11

We'll get old Phil hitched up, believe Yes,

it's

Look

reciprocal

at his face

—I'm sure

—

me—

he can't deceive me.

Liz thinks,  That's somewhat premature. I'd hardly

Around

bounce to that conclusion.

.

.

.

.

her, reveling in confusion,

In attitudes of vague collapse

Among Her

fruit

punch and brandy snaps,

legal colleagues sit discoursing

With Liquid Sheep and

stroke their fleece

While, leaning on the mantelpiece,

Frowning, aloof

Her brother Ed

On

.

from

all

this

horsing,

decants Bordeaux

the white woolen rug below.

77

 

4.12

Now

Bjorn the Swedish runner's leering

At Rose with

cold, appraising lust.

She shudders and

With reassuring

and

spite

The Van Camps  No,

adjusts an earring. trust

battle on, unthinking:

darling, I have not

been drinking.

Thanks for the sweet thought, anyway. nothing, darling.

It's

While,

bowed down with

Of his dank

thesis,

Kim

Ogles convexities of

And

Any

maximizes

By drowning

day

the gray futility

Tarvesh

flesh

his utility

in his chilled Chablis

His economics Ph.D.

4.13

But

now

His

fugitive,

Professor Pratt's recaptured

and Liz endures

The bludgeonings of this most Most

He

indefatigable of bores.

raves

With  ...

My

enraptured,

of western Pennsylvania

zealotry approaching mania:

Had we

not taken Fort Duquesne,

dear, the French

would

still

remain

Entrenched in a confederation

From I tell

Louisiana to Quebec.

you, Pittsburgh saved our neck

Pittsburgh

My

fourth

It's

called

—redeemer of our nation book reexamines

The Pratt

this.

Hypothesis.

.

.

.

78

 

4.14

downs vermouth and bourbon,

Phil

Out of

He

world of

a

loss

and

sinking

pain.

drinks and he continues drinking

And

having drunk he drinks again.

Inspired by a

warm

confusion

In a soft stratum of illusion,

The amber

A

gold

That

A

in his glass

benumbs,

elixir that

steadies as

becomes

it

sends

him

reeling.

sunflower in a frame of chrome

Reminds him of his childhood home,

And

He

of swift feeling

in an access

with vision

sees,

like a knife,

Into the very heart of

life.

4.15

He

thinks of Paul.

He

thinks

.

.

.

Across the clouds of smoke-filled

Wresdes

his

With  Now

Moment Here's a

Why

way through, and

John

hails

air,

assails

him

that we've achieved this rare

—we'd better use straight question— don't refuse to talk

have you

The world,

it

left

your job?

'To

save

says John.  Fantastic

Guess we young yuppies

all

Do

murmurs,  Oh

own

thing.

Phil

—

—

Young yuppies Touche,

it

with a grave

replies Phil

Decorum.  Ah, our

him

now

should go

that's pleonastic.

says John; then,  Phil, you're

.

.

.

mad.

What

you have had?

better job could

79

 

4.16

If

John sounds blunt and acrimonious,

It's

What

not surprising.

Seemed more

in Phil

refreshing than erroneous

Behavior once, while they were

At

college,

Phil's

now

still

excites causticity.

amicable eccentricity

now

Unsettles John

that

To

rest a bit

Or

it

By

his defensive doubts,

come

it's

too close to home.

may be

overtaken

that,

he shrinks

illed attack. Phil thinks: Into a quill

 John doesn't

like his

totems shaken.

Before I've threatened him, he

By way of

fires.

answer, Phil inquires:

4.17

 And your job It's

—

fun

gives

—

well-paid

it's

What

Challenge—

Of payloads.

you

.

.

.

satisfaction?

is it,

Phil,

it

a

it's

new

John?

Compaction

be true

can't

—the whiz kid of computers,

That you

Beloved of bosses

as

The author of that

On

of tutors,

learned tract

guidance systems

— could

in fact

—and for dumb slogans. To save the world—what's dumb

Blow your

career

in that?

Before you blow our planet

With

all

flat

your payloads and your blowguns,

We

interfering,

Might

peace-drugged jerks

save your skins

—and

jinx

your works.

80

 

4.18

 And how do you propose

to

do

Well, Lungless Labs; that's for a We'll picket

it,

 Phil, Lungless

They'll slam

.

.

it,

sue

—

start.

it

won't give a

Labs

you

Where you can Until

disrupt

it?

straight into the

practice Russian

fart.

slammer

grammar

(By ones and twos a knot

.

Grows round

the disputatious spot)

.

.

.

Sense penetrates your soft ingenuous

Cerebrum.

John, you've missed the point,

Says Phil: 'The world

And

To

such

acts,

is

out of joint;

though they may seem tenuous

you, give heart to us; what's more,

Bring

new

peace fodder to our door.

4.19

Speech strained and

His

S's

remain

clarified

by passion

S's still

In unantagonistic fashion, —

Eschewing

escalation, Phil

Resumes:  John, take a look around Imagine that the Just as

A

glass

we

—

are

first

bombs found

as here

of liquor

in

There by the door

we

us.

us

stand,

our hand.

is

Of sunflowers. Here

Van Gogh's are

all

our

painting

friends.

And

suddenly our small world ends,

And our The

hills,

vile

dust

is

swept up, tainting

the vineyards, and the seas

With irremediable

disease.

81

 

4.20

So

tell

me,

how much

That mankind with

will

its

—Bach, Rembrandt,

please us

it

crazy ways

Socrates,

and Jesus

Will burn to ash and swiveling haze? Will it console us to be knowing

In the swift instant of our going

That Red Square,

like

our children's creche,

Will soon be ch char arre red d or ulcerous flesh?

And

then,

when

the soft radiation

Descends on what's not been destroyed

—Trees, whales,

birds,

—the

wolves

Think how the crown of

birthless

void

earth's creation

Will murder that which gave him birth,

Ripping out the slow

womb

of

earth.

4.21

Do

who

'we'

Is it just

you think

What

will

Upon

feel this terror? 5

'they can't understand

come down through aim or and

their great

We

must stop

He

fumbles)

.

— .

.

.

.

—

.

error

fragile land?

(Caught by sudden sadness

if

we

can

—

this

madness,

We common people of goodwill. ... A young man stands and stares as Phil Says,

He

 .

.

.

Fallout can't

tell

Omsk from

stands there wordless, half in love,

Reno.

.

.

Drinking

Phil's spe peec ech, h, th the e

image of

El Grec reco's o's Felix Paravicino:

The same

pale, slender, passionate face,

Strength and intensity and grace.

82

 

4.22

Ed.

It's

Now

Liz has introduced him

(At his request)

Of words,

.

Ed, rarely short

finds Philip's have

reduced him

To numbness. On the tennis court Or with his advertising rabble Ed

spouts forth a distracting babble

Of witty Till his

entertaining trash

companions long to smash

Their rackets on his simmering cranium

Or

seal his lips

with editing tape;

But two sure passwords for escape

Have been

discovered: One's Uranium;

The

God. All

other,

talk

of these

Causes Ed's babbling brook to

freeze.

4.23

Now

host and hostess, drawn by duty,

Have

vanished, but

—to

stay with

At twenty-three, though Seems

quite astute, he

easily dispirited;

Although It

Ed

his energy's appealing,

serves the function of concealing

Rifts

Some

of anxiety so deep nights he finds

it

hard to

sleep.

(Liz thinks this trait comes from their mother.)

Both Sue and Liz adore Ed:

he's

Warmhearted, fun, and quick to But neither understands

When

their brother

and words

his designs

By what they term

please;

skewed

are

godly mood.

his

»3

 

4.24

Phil looks at Ed: intense, athletic,

—the

Silent

sort

of

man whom

Uneasy with. But Ed's

And by now

on

Projects goodwill

And

so, in half

The

pair

And

unease;

Phil's free-floating status

(Buoyed by spirituous

afflatus)

all

mankind

an hour,

engaged

Which, now

ascetic

own

Tension betrays his

he's

we

find

in conversation,

that he's regained his cool

half slipped back to playing the fool,

Revolves round Ed's prolonged narration

Of how

A

he happened to procure

green iguana from a

store.

4.25

 ... They had a

—

Babies

Sure, I'd

gone

image:

I

Through the

To them

We

on

small iguanas

a span long, kind of cute. in to

But seeing them,

My

sale

I

buy piranhas,

knew

they'd suit

could take them walking Financial District, talking

about the price of gold.

wouldn't make the centerfold

Of Playgirl,

they aren't too pretty,

as

But what the heck, Traffic

—

I

would swerve, and

had

Would

didn't care:

I

folks

—the

figured out

it

halt,

the cops

would

stare

city

would come and

'Get those darn things out of the way '

84

 

4.26

But, sadly, Arnold Schwarzenegger

—

I

got just one

—looks

really strange:

His legs keep getting bigger and bigger Should I change But not his torso

—

Ed

His food?

asks with

 Don't know, Salads,

Why

and

that?

some

disquiet.

'What's his diet?

replies Phil.

—and bonemeal.

larvae

asks Phil.  Because I feel

His jaw's so rubbery and floppy

He may

The phosphorus-calcium Is far

My

No.

need extra calcium. ratio

Copy

too high in bonemeal.

method: cut that bonemeal out,

And

feed

it

vitamins

stout.

till it's

4.27

To

to maim it. You've kept iguanas, Phil? Oh, sure-

feed

it

bonemeal

is

Iguanas, rabbits, dogs, you

My

wife

(Phil's

—but

I

don't any

name

more

speech grows slurred)

Paul and

I call it

.

Easy Rider.

.

.

.

it

.

.

We got a spider-

say,

'Who's Paul?

Ed Oh

frowns

My

He

son.

 Why

at Phil:

I'm divorced,

says Phil.

To

Jan,

who

 You married?

Women

are turds.

for the birds,

.

.

.

—but

with me.

shouldn't he?

Well, don't No, no— That whole snake pit is Phil mutters

lives

have carried

his slurs

with ferocious mien

Injects herself into the scene.

85

 

4.28

obnoxious

 Phil, you're

Her

.

voice dissects him) eyes

Her  What

.

.

.

bore through him .

That's Jan

What

?

.

'What did

I say? .

.

.

.

.

.

when

you're drunk.

like a laser.

In an amnesic funk,

?

asks Philip (thinking,

she's pr pret etty ty nice nice

What's made her mad?)

He

.

(Like a razor

.

.

offers her a glass.

 .

.

 Men

.

.

.

.

likes

Hey, have

drinking a drink

stink

Janet exclaims with tingling fury.

 You puke 'What did

As

all

I

over us, then say,

do?'

file

us away

saint, virago, nag, slut,

Or household

houri

pet or household drudge

—Claire was

God

right.

.

.

.

Phil does not

budge

4.29

From where

He

Jan leaves him, rooted, staring.

leans in fo fogg ggy y shoc shock k

Then

in a voice

 I'm plastered

on Ed.

drunk and despairing:

What was

it I

Nothing you meant. You're .

said? right.

You're plastered.'

 I'm going

The

art

Once I'll

.

.

home.

.

Unless you've mastered

.

of driving straight when drunk,

you' u're re su sunk nk you're behind that wheel, yo

drive

you home. Come back tomorrow

To fetch— Oh

.

.

.

.

I live near Stanford, Ed.

well, in that case, share

my

bed

You can borrow — Come on, go My toothbrush Good night, Liz—Bye, John—Homeward ho Just don't try driving too.

let's

86

 

4.30

They

totter car-wards.

Toward

Now

Ed's driving

his spartan lodgings, where,

Within two minutes of Stretched

on the bed,

arriving,

Phil sees a chair

Piled high with shirts, a tennis racket,

A

Bible, an

Of guitar

unopened packet

strings, a

saxophone,

Shaving cream, razor and cologne.

A

.

.

.

commentary on Aquinas

Rests

on the

floor,

Summa

Lies the august

Next to

while on a shelf

(in order)

itself,

Conquering Shyness,

The Zen of Chess, The Eightfold Way, Theories of Film,

and the

Pensees.

4.31

Phil looks around at Ed's housekeeping.

Ed

yawns, and

Silence outside.

strips off shirt

The

and shoes.

iguana's sleeping.

This quiet grid of avenues

With red-flowered gum

for decoration

Lies deep in slumber and sedation.  It suits

But

And

me,

Phil.

The

flat's

there's a garden, after

Phil's bl blea eary ry eyes eyes rest

Of film, Turner,

all

pool for the iguana.

a small

Of fruit,

quite small,

on

a

.

.

.

bowl

a crucifix, a roll a

photograph of Lana

who

smiles across the floor

At Holbein's sketch of Thomas More.

87

 

i

4.32

 My Says,

He

patron saint.

 Go

to sleep

Which one?

Ed, grinning,

and turns to

pray.

asks forgiveness for his sinning,

Gives thanks for the expended day,

Consigns his

Now

with exiguous

Philip,

And some

to God's charity.

spirit

.

.

.

clarity

bewilderment, sees

Ed

Cross himself twice, then come to bed. Lights out. Phil mumbles, I really

blew

it

Ed, thanks a I

I didn't like

met

He

.

.

a party

then with Jan.

lot. I

haven't yet

 What

.

mean

it,

man

a Dorati

(Across the bed

reaches out and touches Ed)

.

.

.

4.33

.

.

.

Good

He moves

—What

night. his

Ed

hand

fears to answer.

across the space

terrifying miles

—assembling

Trembling,

His courage, touches

And

him

feels

 I'm sorry,

up and go

tense

Ed

Philip's face rigid.

says, in a frigid,

Half-choking voice,  I thought you might I

—

mean

didn't

Taut with a

They

I

mean

cataleptic tension

unspeaking. Phil thinks,

lie,

Be so uptight? He's I've

God

And

—good night.

a great guy.

never bothered with convention. a year that I've been chaste

It's

arm around Ed's

puts his

88

 

4.34

Now,

just as things

And Ed and The

—

were getting

Phil were

making

tenser,

love,

imperial official censor

Officious

—drove

and imperious

His unchscriminating panzer Straight through the middle of

Now,

Gentie Reader,

is it

my

my Muse

Rooting about among

my

till

to flight,

pearly

he finds orts that he

Can gobble down with grunting Forgive me, Reader,

At having to I'd

hoped

I

if

move

replace the bliss

could portray, with

the

But under

glee?

I'm surly

this.

4.35

I'll

stanza.

right

This swine should put

Wisdom

 Why

menage

to manana,

protest. Saturday

waist.

.

.

.

,

Dawns

—

bright and clear, and the iguana

Fantastic dragon of green clay,

Great saurian from realms primeval

With

and upheaval

scraping, scuffling,

Bestirs himself

now

Ed yawns and

half gets out of bed,

Returns and nuzzles Puts

on

his jeans,

An

avocado for

He

says,

in his shed.

Philip's shoulder,

and goes to get

his pet.

 Poor Schwarz.

getting colder.

It's

This heat's kaput. Tonight, instead,

You can

sleep underneath the bed.

89

 

4.36

The warty

beast observes

Stares at the green

Ed

coldly,

and mottled pear

He proffers. Noisily and boldly He crawls toward him, unaware Of the loose leash that Ed is holding. Ed

slips it

 Now

round him, gentiy scolding:

watch that dewlap

—mind those spines—

But Schwarzenegger undermines All of Ed's efforts at persuasion

—By

—

jerking, clawing

Obtains his avocado.

until

he

 We

Are now prepared for an invasion Of our quiescent neighborhood.

You want

a walk?

.

.

.

(The head bobs.)

4.37

Ed

leaves,

upon

the kitchen table,

.

.

.

Good '

A

note:

To

Dear

Phil, Please help yourself

breakfast. Sorry

To make

Coffee's

it.

Pll be back soon.

Now And

do his

Pm

not able

on the shelf

Ed and

their rounds: a

unsighdy

his lizard

comely wizard

basilisk.

Behind, two neighbors' children risk Utter and prompt annihilation

Should the

familiar's fiendish eyes

 You'll burn up, Pam cries. quakes in fear and veneration.

Turn on them. She

 Coward

Of scorn.

says Gabrielle in a tone

 You'll only turn to stone

90

 

4.38

You

Pam

scaredy cat

begins crying.

Swiftly the reptile eyes look back. Gabrielle gasps.

Pam,

petrifying,

Awaits the fiery-tongued  Hello,

says Ed,

Brought

all

the

 meet

attack.

my

iguana,

way from Ecbatana

In the mysterious land of Wales

For kids to stroke

Pam

thaws to Ed's enlightened coaching:

 Here's

He

isn't

Pam

Her

how

to pet the friendly beast.

slimy in the least.

frowns and touches him, reproaching friend (who's having

With  Yeah?

4.39

his shiny scales.

Now

none of

that)

who's a scaredy cat

.

.

.

Perfecting their aerobic labors,

Once more around

the block they creep,

Greeted by mailmen and by neighbors.

When Ed But,

He

returns, Phil's

upon waking,

asleep.

to his credit,

does not try to expunge or edit

—With,  Geez, Last night,

I really .

smiles at Ed:

Coffee?

had so much to drink

I

What happened

He

still

You

cannot think

what —  Good morning. .

bet.

in fact transpired.

.

Hi

somewhat

Ed's

shy.

'This coffee really gets you wired, Phil says.  It's just like Christ

Paul

Ed,

may

.

.

(With a groan)

.

.

.

use your phone?

I

 

4.40

— Paul has no objection got weekend Would you — Phil nods, the connection. Paul—  Joan? This  Sure. Phil

if

I've

is

wait.

.

free.

.

.

Phil. Is

Hi, son,

I

how

What? Star Wars> No,

Now, young man, I

see

—So

I can't

they're

allow

—Never

.

Did you hear me? Star Wars

What's that? Chuck

lets

him do

make fun of you?

will

—But don't ever

Well, just this once then

that such Affected Tricks

Should nourish

4.41

showing

you teach me how.

don't

don't care what she

(Alas

.

are things going?

Chuck's baseball cap? Great

Paul

.

.

gets

dials,

I'll

this

in a Child

of

Six )

.

.

.

.

.

——

You're welcome You're a tricky fellow Does Monday suit you? You don't care? .

.

.

(Phil laughs) It

.

.

.

You're having fun

.

.

.

—Don't bellow:

sounds worse than a madhouse there

—No, nothing, staying playing friend—Ed—yeah,

See you then, son

With

a

that's right,

(Phil shakes his head)

To

Mrs. Lamont

.

.

.

.

.

.

Now

give the

Hello there, Joan.

phone

—Not Sunday, Monday, Yes, school—Yes, he can Star Wars —Say to Matt me

Thanks for

all this

see

after

for

hi

That's very kind. I

I

hope

that

one day

can take care of Chuck for you

When

you've got other things to do.

92

 

4.42

The weekend Brunch

at

kicks off with a glorious

an open-air

Champagne and Conscience

They

is

cafe.

Ed's 's cens censor orio ious us omelettes. Ed

dormant

for a day.

drive across to Sausalito;

Later, divide a vile burrito

From Taco Hut, and wash With

Ed

a

Dos

down

Equis, cool and brown.

suggests tennis next, and trounces

His friend with

To

it

effortless

panache;

cool themselves they take a splash

In Schw Schwar arz' z's s pool, where Phil denounces

Schwarz

as the dullest,

dimmest, and

Least soulful beast of sea or land.

.

.

.

4.43

The iguana

from

Full five feet long

He

(as

Through

the calm city

Ed

mentor's what

Warm

and

night,

Phil eyes

Socratic,

Ed him

Eyes Philip

erratic

wurst does sauerkraut).

With evening, Ed and

At

to snout,

tail

complements Ed's sharp,

Essence

A

phlegmatic,

stares: obtuse,

go walking

Phil

—laughing,

talking;

needs; and Phil, fits

the

bill.

brings in his iguana. warily, while he

just as warily.

Phil tries to bribe him.

The monster

A

banana?

bloats his jowls at this,

Emitting his hoarse gular

9

hiss.

3

 

4.44

 Phil, don't

annoy him. run Should from him to

But

I

The causation

me

will

he sleep?

Will rock the

.

room

to

least vibration its

foundation.

Don't slander Schwarz. if

one of us

— 

By dawn

is

Well,

It's just for

the duration

heat's

knocked out

I'll fix it.

If

cold,

it's

 And Schwarz goes

now

in his shed.

says Ed,

into hibernation,

could be months. ...

Advances

on your head

dead

That the

It

.

Beneath our bed.

Beneath our bed) His

it

.

suppose I'm on probation.

Where

Be

instead

The quadruped

with torpid

tread.

4.45

They

(There

sleep.

is

no other

option.)

Their ectothermic chaperone,

Taking to

his in-house adoption,

Sinks into slumber like a stone.

Ed

goes next day to church, confession;

He strays home with a lost expression, And mumbles,  Phil ... I don't know If

what we're doing

is

What do you mean?

 We both—

I

 I've prayed to

To

—

Phil, I

...

right.

is

asks Philip, puzzled:

know,

God

Ed

says

at length,

to give us strength

—O my God,

I've

muzzled

Love's only true voice, Jesus Christ,

Who

came

to earth and sacrificed

94

 

4.46

His

life

for

me

.

.

.

for

me, a sinner.

Phil looks at Ed, then says,

 My

friend,

Let's fix that heating. After dinner

We'll talk this out. Sees

As

Ed

if a

Had

in

new

But dinner's end

heart altogether,

cloudburst of black weather

been di disp sper erse sed d and, and, rinsed by storm,

The night

is

generous and warm.

Phil looks at his good-looking lover's

Face

as

he prays:

Cleansed of

And

guilt,

all

its

casque of peace

turbulent caprice

and, as they pull the covers

Over themselves,

says,

quite

 Ed  E d, I'm glad

For th thes ese e thre three e evenings that we've had.

.

4.47

Why

What

does Phil see in Ed?

Seem

so committed to him? True,

Once

at a party,

drunk and fuzzy

—John would be shaken Phil

made

it

with a guy

(Well, once or twice.)

if

he knew

at college.

And

he'd acknowledge,

Even when married, now and His eye might

But

that's

it.

does he

then,

toward other men.

stray

And, though unconventional,

That too seems meager cause why he Should

Not

Or

We

fall

for

Ed

that affection

so speedily. is

that, in matters

intentional

of the heart,

should pull leaf and leaf apart.

.

.

.

95

 

4.48

But

By

still:

always been attracted

Phil's

vulnerable people; Ed,

Eager, confused, intent, abstracted, Is

passionate in both speech and bed.

How

good

it is

to be admired;

And how much more

to be desired

Ed's resdessnesses, sudden calms,

And,

as

he

lies

in Philip's arms,

His sad and serious expression Affect Phil

more than he can

say.

Thus, in a strange, contagious way, Ed's very lack of self-possession

Reduces

Phil's,

and so destroys

The outer suburbs of his

poise.

4.49

Next morning,

down

Kneels

A

calm and

Over the

He

in silence

chilly

bay.

As

Some

on the

dawn

is

floor.

breaking

his first chore,

three persimmons, a sultana, lettuce,

Now

Phil awakens

 Monday

The

and an unripe yam

with a dab of jam).

favorite,

I

from

his

guess I'd better

coma: call

Peaceniks, then head south for Paul.'

They

down

drive

to the Cafe

(On 12th and Howard,

Ed

Ed, waking,

goes to nurture his iguana

With (A

at first light,

Soma

close to

where

works); and order breakfast there.

96

 

4.50

Over

And I

fragrant,

Ed

says,  Phil, last night

almost thought that

now

But I

large cups of coffee, steaming

—

I

know

have to trust batten

The

Bible says,

It's

a

if a

was dreaming.

wasn't right.

faith's decisions,

on my own

Not

With

my

it

I

volitions.

man

lie

man, he must surely

die.

in Leviticus, chapter 20,

—which means

Verse 13

For me, a Ch Chri rist stia ian, n,

it's

as for

as true

you.

Phil Ph il laug laughs hs: : 'That old book, Ed, holds plenty

Of rules

—Take

that

may have made

sense once

—but you'd be

a

shellfish

dunce

4.51

To

trim your heart by

That

its

sharp

letter.

someone sometime

kills, as

said.

What's wrong with sex? The more the better If

you

someone.

like

Ed frowns and That's

And

trivial.

.

 Don't bring

How

.

can

I

be

in shellfish.

selfish

of truth? a kid with a sweet tooth

lust for flesh instead

It's like

On

.

says,

Flushing red,

a no-sugar diet breaking

Into a cookie store for

me

To

can be

put myself where

'Tempted?

prompts

I

Phil:

.

 No

.

.

my

point

taking

Exception to your version of

Who

first

suggested making love.

97

 

4.52

—please— don't

 Phil

The point

is

Not mine

alone

But

it's

that

.

.

how

.

my body

—

I

—and

don't disdain

—my

its

I

explain

is

God's instrument

Is in his will

can

it

bliss

perfection

Resides in love, whose chief projection Is

to give

life.

Falls short

Even

of

All other use this. It is

abuse

if lovers feel they're loving.

When

our

will fails, we've got to pray,

it?

'Help thou

my

unbelief That way ...

'That's bullshit. Ed,

what

That two men or two

you proving?

are

women

Phil, try to understand.

don't ...

I won't.

4.53

I can't

.

Before

.

I

.

(His voice shakes.)

interrupted,

.

.

.

You were

God

Will help our unbelief, our fraying

wrong or odd

Resolve. But what was

With

last night's loveliness

Given a God,

And

he

is

just

if

between us?

he had seen us

and loving-kind,

Why should you think that he would mind My touch, your trembling, our caresses, The

My

loving smart in your clear eyes,

hands

ruffling

your

hair,

our sighs?

If anything, I'd say he blesses

The innocent bodies

that express

So forthrighdy such happiness.

98

 

I

4.54

That's

how

I feel.

And weekend, Meet

Ed

Ed's,

asks, 'We'll

thank you, Ed.

keep in touch?

Phil mumbles.

says,  Phil,

Down

lecture

His eyes

and with a sad conjecture

 Sure, sure,

Ed

But for the

why

They

 You can

don't you invite

rise.

write me.

me

to your place sometime perhaps?

'Tes, anytime, feel free. ...

Into a bitter silence. Gilding

They

lapse

saying,

The

great bole of a churchyard oak

The angled sun now With

shifts to

soak

liquid light Ed's office building,

Near which, with nothing more to

say,

The two shake hands and turn away.

99

 

FIVE -^^-

5.1

A

week ago, when

I

had

finished

Writing the chapter you've

just read

And

with avidity undiminished

Was

charting out the course ahead,

An

editor

—

at a

plush party

(Well-wined, -provisioned, speechy, hearty)

Hosted by (long

Where my Tibetan

Was honored

Thomas Cook

live )

travel

book

—seized my arm:  Dear A

What's your next work?

We

hope

that you, dear

 ... In verse,

 How And

I

added.

He

he

me

dead.

 

5.2

Each voiced

A

writer

Among As

is

a

and

critic

his doubts. I felt misplaced.

mere

arthritic

these muscular

Gods of Taste.

for that sad blancmange, a poet

The world

is

hard; he ought to

.

.

Great

turned yellow.

ioo

Professor, publisher,

— .

Mr. Seth

marvelously quaint,

subsequentiy cut

novel

fellow,

know

it.

said,

Driveling in rhyme's

The question

does

is,

Since staggering

My My

lyre

a

home

dumb.

is

Convoked With

spittle sell?

grown weak.

will's

very well;

all

in

deep depression,

My

heart

is

sore.

have therefore

I

a morale-boosting session

few kind

if

Who've asked me

doubtful friends

my

to explain

ends.

5.3

How

do

I justify this

stanza?

These feminine rhymes?

My

wrinkled muse?

This whole passe extravaganza?

How

can

I (careless

of time) use

The dusty bread molds of Onegin In the brave bakery of Reagan?

The

Or

loaves will surely

else

go

The

truth

But

as

Can

save

I

may

stale is,

fail

before

to rise

my

I can't justify

eyes. it.

no shroud of critical terms

my

as well

corpse from boring worms,

have fun and try

works, good; and

If

it

A

theory won't postpone

if

it.

not, well, its

knell.

IOI

 

5.4

Why,

asks a friend, attempt tetrameter?

Because

it

once was noble, yet

Capers before the proud pentameter,

Tyrant of English.

I

regret

To

see this marvelous swift meter

Demean

its

and peter

heritage,

Into mere Hudibrastic

tricks,

Unapostolic knacks and knicks.

But why take I

would

not,

this quite so badly?

all

had

I

world and time

To

wait for reason, rhythm, rhyme

To

reassert themselves,

The time

is

but sadly

not remote

when

I

Will not be here to wait. That's why.

5.5

Reader, enough of this apology;

But spare Before

To

I

me

if I

tether

my

unfilled

day of

leisure

that original spring of pleasure:

(This

homage merely

Of what gave

To

best,

monology,

Sweet-watered, fluent,

It

it

stake a stanza to suggest

You spend some By

think

in joy

me

give

clear, light, blithe

pays a tithe

and inspiration

once and does not cease

me)

—Pushkin's masterpiece

In Johnston's luminous translation:

—

Eugene Onegin

like

Its effervescence stirs

champagne

my

brain.

02

 

5.6

.

.

.

But back to Ed.

Day's over

It's

Monday. Seven.

at the office grind.

Ed

walks back to his

The

He

car.

To

sadness that besets his

broods on

leaven

mind

Should he favor

coffee.

Enco core re or The brand name of En

Savor?

What tag, what label would work What media strategy? Depressed,

He

best?

drops a quarter to a wino,

Stands by a storefront shirt display,

Observes his hair in disarray

And smooths I'll

it

absently.  Well, I

never hear from

He

him

know

again,

thinks with unaccustomed pain.

5.7

dark.

It's

He

drives.

Through cooling

By

The

street

lamps glimmer

The golden globes

air.

City Hall glow, and the glimmer

—Like sequins on black Of lights

velvet robes

shines out across th the e wate ater,

Across the bay, unruffled daughter

Of the

Pacific;

Of hill and The

crests

bridge red light congests

sky with rubies. Bri Brisk skly ly blin blinki king ng, ,

Planes

Ed

on the

—Venus-bright—

traverse the sky.

drives on, hardly

knowing why,

Across the tall-spanned bridge. Unthinking,

He

parks,

The deep

and looks out past the

strait,

flood of the Golden Gate.

103

 

5.8

Subdued and

The

No

he surveys

silent,

it

loveliest city in the world.

veiling

But

if

words

you saw

suffice to praise

light- pearled,

it as,

Fog-fingered, pinnacled,

Across the black

it,

tide,

I

see

it

you'd agree

it

your own. Outvied the magic of your Even tonight, as Ed, alone,

Makes out Marina,

plaza, tower,

Fort Po Poin int, t, Pres Presid idio io

A

benediction as

Over

He

his heart

thinks,

it

with

 I'll

—he

feels

steals its still

phone

power.

Phil.

No,

instead,

Bett etter to write him, as he said.

5.9

He

drives

home, feeds Schwarz,

starts inditing

The fr frag agme ment nt repr reprod oduc uced ed below.

He

shakes his head, stares at his writing:

Dear

Phil, Fo Forg rgiv ive e me, me,

How you'll

react

when you

Perhaps you'll think,

We Be

receive this.

I don't

(C

talked for two whole days.

left

Let

I don't know

me

believe this.

What

that I've misunderstood? explain, Phil,

my position.

Ed, muttering, 'This won't do

Crumples the sheet into

Lobs

could

his

.

.

.

at all,

a ball,

uneloquent petition

Into a corner of his room,

And

sinks back into

hamstrung gloom.

104

 

5.10

Something has stung Ed's heart so badly

now

That

he wends

From home

to

work

his quipless

to

home

way

so sadly

(Without the energy to play Guitar or tennis or the jester)

That

all

his office buddies pester

Him to reveal his cause of woe. When Ed replies he doesn't know, only partially evasion.

It's

The As

truth

is,

Ed's himself unclear.

a strict rule he's tried to steer

Away from men of Phil's From common  Fall for a bi,

persuasion.

funds of lore he's learned:

and

you'll get burned.

5.11

Why

is it

From

then that Ed, unshielded

passion's fallout (or attacked

By Cupid's minutemen),

has yielded

His heart to Phil? The very That Phil was married, and

With

Him

his

young

fact is

living

son, succeeds in giving

the attraction, in Ed's eyes,

Of someone sound and Will Phil provide

worldly-wise.

him with

Could Ed's long quest be

direction?

at

an end?

Is Phil, at last,  that special friend ?

But how, Ed wonders

Even

Make

in dejection,

they do meet, can he Phil consent to chastity?

if

105

 

5.12

A

month goes

by. Ed's tennis-playing

He

Resu sum mes. His qu quip ips s resu resume me. . Efficiently,

The

his

He

without betraying

intermittent pain that lurks

Below In

works

his smile

dark eyes

by day, appearing as

night

feels that there's

is

nearing.

no hope

at

all,

Yet waits in hope that Phil might

And once

or twice he's almost

The telephone

Or

call,

lifted

to ring his friend,

end

tried to write, but in the

The common doubt of those born With

And

his

uncommon

gifted

looks prevails

his unfixed intention

fails.

5.13

At

He I

length, instead of thinks,  I

phone or

ought to

Redeem

One

myself. ...

Sue.

visit

missed her concert, and

letter,

I'd better

Without ado,

Friday afternoon, arriving

After an hour of freeway driving

At

He

Sue's

door with

kisses her.  Hi, sis

Does Sue with Try to

At

his pet in train,

In vain

chess, Casals,

and cooking

restrain her restive guest.

six o'clock

 Sue, help

me

he

flies

the nest.

out with

this.

I'm looking

—

For an address on Cowper Street

'Who's

is it?

Phil's.

We

.

06

.

.

said

we'd meet.

5

 

5.14

and

Phil

cooking dinner,

his son, while

Play tic-tac-toe. But sharp-eyed Paul,

Who

When

players

know

me

'Teach

Says,

 Such things,

The

chess,

Dad.

Claire

at

all,

Phil

worried.

is

he thinks,  should not be hurried.

.

.

Encourage him

A

game

the

own

boy's too bright for his

Would

He

no winner

sees that there can be

.

good.

would Spock suggest

I

should

in this precocity?

could become within a week

wide-eyed fianchetto freak

And

yet, to crush his curiosity.

But suddenly, with knock and

Ed and companion tumble

... din,

in.

5.15

Dad, what's that?

 Ed I

—

know, but

No, you're not,

 

Schwarzenegger?

Yes,

—

—

promise

 Paul, this Is

my

The

is

Ed.

iguana.

sit

down.

you clown.

Can't you see Paul's scared?

Dad

I'm intruding,

You're alluding

Just chain that brute up.

To

Phil,

I'm not, really

  Paul says insincerely.

Hi, Ed.

With

And

this

a hiss

beast completes the introduction.

 So, Ed, what brings you here today?

Ed

misconstrues his hopes to say

—Half scared himself of misconstruction  I've just I

dropped by to

mean, I'm

see if

you

really visiting Sue.

107

.

.

.

 

5.16

'Well, stay and eat.

Do you doubt me?

Sure?

Paul breaks in with  Ed, teach

me

chess

you two can do without me,

I guess

Says Phil with magnified distress:

 Fd

go and warm the

better

dishes.

Ed, catering prompdy to Paul's wishes (For

Doratis, after

all

Wallowed

And

in chess

all,

when

they were small

harbor no inane compunctions

About

the burdened infant brain),

Talks of black rooks, white knights, profane Bishops, the monarch's leisured functions,

—

—

Passed pawns

And

tsarinas soi-disant

sidelong butchery en passant.

5.17

Paul's eyes expand.

At

this

Dumb

His small head's bubbling

grand glimpse of

a

at his master's feet,

new

world.

not troubling

His discourse, somnolendy curled,

The iguana

gentiy heaves, completing

The Dutch

interior.

While they're eating

From

time to time Phil looks

Who

flushes a dark rapid red.

Paul

falls

asleep,

Phil carries

him

still

Just tired

— overtaxed.

Returns,

Ed

To

bear

What do you mean?

 Not

When

 Fm

my company

Ed,

at the table.

to bed.

says,

at

ill

Phil

glad you're able

at all.

I

meant to

call

5

08

 

5.18

—but the thought obsessed me — meanthat you (Ed looks down) depressed me don't know— but scene been around gay bars—

Or

write, Phil

.

.

I

liked

.

I

it still

that

I've

Where

—

you' u've ve neve never r had them claw you guess yo

I

As

paw you

you're handsome, people

if

you were

if

(Phil frowns)

What

He

—

I

I

hunk of meat

a

.

.

mean

—

but

—  .

Phil, let

mind

Phil's

.

.

me

complete

reeling.

is

cuts in:  I don't understand.

What's your point, Ed?

Ed

.

says,  I guess

That you 'That

it's

—a

takes his hand.)

just a feeling

just like

I just like

(He

fear, I

—

guess

your body?

Yes.

5.19

 I like

it,

See what

sure.

I

told you?

Ed, go upgrade your personal

file.

Your superego's undersold you. You're a nice guy as well. Don't smile

So wryly. There's no doubt about But

all

—

this talk

This vivisection hurts I

say

We

we ought

seem to

When Ed I

do without

let's

go

to

my

.

.

.

stands:  I'm sorry

—

promised Sue

This fine fraternal

it.

head.

to bed.

sort things out

horizontal

it.

much

better

hey, don't blush

—got to rush

  'Well, I flair

and

won't fuss,

fetter

But come have breakfast here with

us.

109

 

5.20

And

ask Sue too.

Six kinds of cereal,

Waffles and syrup, sausage, jam,

Scrambled eggs, French toast

—an imperial

—bacon, ham,

Repast next morning

Hot

coffee, quiche,

Brie, fruit,

The

—

banana bread

inveigles

appetite of each potluck guest

Who

at the sovereign behest

Of Mrs.

Craven, organizer

Of Phil's To

cream cheese and bagels,

Alfresco Breakfasts, comes

bloat himself until he

His sense and palate

With

a like

With old

numbs

—and supplies her

moiety to share

open

friends in the

air.

5.21

A

(criminal) lawyer

Engineer

talk

and

a (civil)

of safety laws;

A

(moral) philosopher of the Devil While angel cake melts in his jaws.

Her

red locks graced with a camellia,

Rowcna

stands and bats her

Anne Gunn,

the

With graphic

artist,

cilia.

wields her fork

verve, impaling pork.

Beneath the heavy-branched magnolia

The din of decibels grows Phil, seeing,

Ed sunk

dense.

backed against a fence,

in sullen melancholia

Among

of strangers, walks

this crush

Over to him, and

smiles,

and

no

 

5.22

 Two mornings

each

—

month

alternating

Sabbaths for Christians and for Jews

We

— Me

hold these breakfasts, celebrating

Hi, Joan,

—

just a

I

—

Matt

hi,

see

Chuck

—

With Paul again

To

—

celebrate

Ed, please excuse

as I

playing

is

was

saying,

but, Ed, where's Sue?

At home. She says hello to you Jan and her cronies from the city

Are coming for

a couple days.

Stanford's

museum, you know,

Some

Rodins— 

fine

Well,

it's

a pity.

Oh yes-

But celebrating what? Just that we're

displays

still alive, I

guess

5.23

 Phil, isn't that a bit excessive?

Well, actually,

To meet and

it's

an excuse

—but

eat

How much we

it's

impressive

get done. Grapefruit juice?

Look, Ed, stop nibbling and Yes, you

Your empty

The purpose of this I

see

start eating

plate's defeating

enterprise.

.

.

.

Rowena's making eyes

—better watch out— once she Someone—across crowded room

At

falls

a

for

talks.

doom. — She's looking your way now This

Or even Evasive

here

.

.

.

it's

too

certain

late

for

calls

By my thumbs,

Ed-wards Edwards the guided missile comes.

.

.

.

 

5.24

.

.

Hi, Krakatoa, how's

.

Hello,

it

Phil—who's your

Miss Craven, with her

going?

Ed.

friend?

Hi

glowing

coiffure

Into the startled morning sky,

Pinches Ed's

Ed,

ass

from

friendly habit.

schizophrenic rabbit,

like a

Ekes out a terror-stricken smile.

And now, Rowena,

with her beguiling

guile,

after politicking

For strategy versus Lungless Labs, Swerves:  Phil,

I

know

you're

up

for grabs

Today. I'm going olive-picking. I

— And she tweaks Ed's

want you

To

and your cute friend here

join me.

ear.

5.25

 Sorry,

You're

Rowena not. I've

Rowena, I

I've

ought to

lie

Nonsense. You'll feel

My

A

dear, I'm busy.

asked your

been feeling

down

son.

dizzy.

Ah

.

.

.

well,

for a spell.

brisk walk's just what's needed.

much

better once you've

unprofessional advice,

Practical, priceless,

and

precise.

heeded

am, you know, a doctor's daughter.

I

Besides, Paul, Chuck, Matt, Joan, and

Mum

Are coming, so you've got to come

Thus undermined, Stripped of Phil

all

as calves to slaughter,

reasonable recourse,

and Ed yield to matchless

force.

112

 

5.26

'Where's Schwarz?

 Back

in the car.

him

Let's let

out.

the back seat the iguana's cowering.

On

At Ed's approach he

With

Ed

humors Ed, who's glowering.

Phil

his

long

tail

flails

about

in fierce frustration.

ack wit with an imprecation. leaps back

Only when

pacified with quiche

Does the green Yet, smarting

Of his

beast receive his leash.

still

from the indignity

incarceration,

Lunges and

jerks in

Of uninhibited

Schwarz fits

and

starts

malignity

head in truculent show)

(Bobbing

his

At guests

as th they ey prep prepar are e to go.

5.27

Anne Gunn, who draws The

from sketching

unearthlier products of the earth,

Decides that Schwarz

The

delight

others give

is

 rather fetching.

him wider

berth.

Some

leave to play football or footsie,

Some

for a matinee of Tootsie,

To watch

a high school tennis

match

Or

tend their vegetable patch,

Study

statistics,

Shop,

sail,

Or smoke

skunks, or Serbia,

or swive, stretch out and snooze, a joint, or

strum the blues,

Repair the doodads of suburbia, Plan out the Lungless Labs campaign,

Or dream of real

estate in Spain.

113

 

5.28

Rowena

Paul and the three Lamonts,

And

Mrs. Craven,

Phil,

and Ed

Are left. Phil hums a sonatina While lyrics from th the e Grat Gratef eful ul Dead

Pour out

Than

in imitation finer

ever parakeet or

mynah

Accomplished, from the

Capped Craven. They've

Now

sallied forth

lesser red-

from the homestead

with poles and

plastic

Trash bags (unused) to Campus Drive

Where rows of olive

trees survive

—Gnarled, stiver-shimmering—the Legions of cars that foul the

With

drastic

street

the vile vapors they excrete.

5.29

Now

Chuck and Paul

are sternly slaying

Space monsters in the olive

trees.

Below them, Ma Matt tt La Lamo mont nt, ,

displaying

Ornithological expertise,

Mild-manneredly remarks,  No, darling,

That's not a grackle, that's a starling. It's

got grime upon

just

Matt and Joan claim Their

To

lives,

 birds and orchids

retired at forty,

(Private joke:

— and haughty —while

significant stroke).

her cultural

calls

And

coat.

that they'll devote

once they've

Birds and/or kids

He

its

horticultural

she,

Maintaining green-thumbed dignity,

14

 

5.30

beli lief ef in cultivation Backs her be

With the most

brilliant plot in miles:

Aristocratic conflagration

Of standard

roses; fragrant isles:

Lemongrass, lemon balm, and lemon

Geranium; pear and persimmon; Fat orchids by the live-oak Rich, various,

No mean

all

in

harmony;

feat for a pediatrician

and home to boot

(Full time) with son

And

tree:

(each way) half an hour's commute.

Her husband, Matt,

is

Phil's physician,

Addict of crossword, bird, and pun

And

second father to

Phil's son.

5.31

The iguana with

delight arboreal,

Pacific in the olive

boughs,

Lies Li es bask baskin ing. g. But with gladiatorial

Proddings the Space Invaders rouse

Him

from

his

sweet

With shock, with

He

drops

down

siesta.

fear

Shaking

and fury quaking,

six feet to the

ground

While round him hoodlum hoots resound.

As he withdraws

Rowena

to Ed's protection,

laughs:  Schwarz

ought to be

The emblem of World Amity.

Ed

grunts,  I don't see the connection.

Well, for a

start,

rather than fight

Violence with violence, Schwarz takes

flight.

115

 

5.32

Besides, his species of iguana Is just as difficult

to find

In Moscow, Washington, Havana,

And Bonn:

A

he's truly nonaligned.

creature of herbivorous habit,

He

wouldn't wish to harm a rabbit.

His bloodless vegetable

love,

Vaster than empires, ought to

Mankind

move

to less carnivorous custom.

—he chose branches—how,

Lasdy, he shows

a spot

With

if

To

olive

not

love our enemies, to trust 'em.

In short, in deed, thought, sign, and soul

He'd honor

his symbolic role.

5.33

Before Ed can respond, a clamor Breaks forth above. Ed hears Chuck say,

 You're

my

Of allied To

The

worst friend.

triu tr iump mph' h's s give given n

a postbellum

fit

brittle

glamour

way

of feuding.

Paul growls, with Achillean brooding,  I killed

him

No,

first.

it

was me.

Irreconcilability

Threatens to lead to total breakdown,

But when Matt shouts,  You

The

foes, in

common

Are reconciled and,

dread of work,

as

Strings of black fruit

shrikes, don't shirk-

they shake

from the

ripe tree,

Are captured by Mart's kodakry.

16

 

5.34

From

irresponsible flirtation

Aimed

at the irresponsive

Ed,

Rowena, Queen of Machination,

Now

moves

to soap

Alas, unlathered

up

Phil instead.

by her blathering,

Phil concentrates

on

olive-gathering.

His hands incarnadined with His

He

shirt-sleeves toils

juice,

dark with pulp and puce,

with sweat-drenched brow and

Humming,

but without

let

collar,

or lag

Stripping the fruit from twig to bag Till

he hears Mrs. Craven

holler,

We've got three bags

'That's

all,

So

go home, and gather wool.

let's

5.35

folks.

full.

down

And

so they do.

Immersed

The

fruit lie soaking,

in water in her tub,

And

Mrs. Craven, laughing, smoking,

And

gesturing with her cigar stub,

In undetected recollection Talks of her husband, with affection

Revamping her black-humored joke

Of how

he died though she would smoke.

 Rowena, you're just like your father You worry that the world will end.

What

On Not

if

the heavens

Chicken fret

When

my

Little's

do descend head? I'd rather

whole existence through

there's so little I can do.

117

 

5.36

Late in the afternoon, out walking, Phil says to Ed,

 Rowena seems

Why

Quite ite keen on you.

She doesn't figure in

Your

chest's the

Me—which Don't turn

I

my

dreams.

if she's

keen on

—women,

doubt

me

you balking?

one she wants to lean on,

 But even

States Ed:

are

on.

Christ,

I find,

what

a bind

Phil Ph il la laug ughs hs. .  You're like a starving pigeon

Who

brin ing g hims himsel elf f to eat just can't br

Barley or

He

rice,

likes is

yet thinks the wheat

poisoned. Your religion

Doesn't square too well with your I

wonder which

first bites

the dust

lust.

5.37

 You

No, not

find that funny?

'Why

really.

did you say what you just said?

mean

I didn't

to mock.

I

merely

Enjoyed the contradiction, Ed. Things puzzling, contrary, or ironic Revivify

And

me

like a tonic

inexplicabilities

Accost us even from the

Look

there's

my

the many Of all—

Where

trees.

favorite 'conference maple,'

hundreds, one

at the setting

Birds congregate

—

of the sun

as if

by papal

Fiat a chattering conclave

Of cardinals crammed

a

narrow nave.

118

 

5.38

Despite himself,

Ed

grins. * You're pretty

Free with your similes today.

Because your sacrilege This time

Watch

I'll

let

is

witty

you get away.

But now,

as they're

The hubbub's That makes

approaching

their pelted

eardrums twitch

pulverizes conversation.

The

birds are screaming,

by

closer,

risen to a pitch

And

Awed

—

out, though, if your wit gets grosser

and the

their ardor, stand

and

pair,

stare.

Incomprehensible elation Floods through their

spirits, as

Dies with the sound, and

it is

the light

night.

5.39

Dark night and That

silent,

calm, and lovely,

the efforts of our

stills

lives,

Rare, excellent-kind, and behovely

No

matter

To weave

how

His hands,

as if

slips

between

never been.

times most imbued with beauty,

ineradicable grief

(If for a spell),

In

it's

pauses,

falters,

lend us by your spell relief

From

We

.

with epithets and clauses

And your enchantment

You

.

the poet strives

Your soundless web, he

Of all

.

sleep,

all

our

and pain, and duty.

and nighdy are made whole fretted

mind and

soul.

119

 

5.40

They walk, not daring

To

the

still

What do

to

do violence

night by force of speech.

need to say that

friends

silence

Will not say better? As they reach

The ho hous use, e, they they hear

He

sits at Phil's

Jackdaws

love

Paul's high-pitched piping.

typewriter, typing

my

big sphinx of quartz,

While Schwarz, who's

Yawns

now

redly. Paul

A war whoop Play chess.

and

When

As Ed prepares

feeling out

of

sorts,

sees them, utters

insists that

Paul's

Ed

been put to bed,

to leave, Phil mutters,

 Ed, stay tonight. Sue's got guests. Please?

He

smiles at Ed,

and Ed

agrees.

5.41

Next morning

Ed

Ann Chapel

in the St.

sinks into the Latin mass.

Although he does

his best to grapple

With the degenerate morass

Where

his sick soul

is

doomed and

drifting,

He

finds the plainsong too uplifting

To

concentrate (to his chagrin)

On

unoriginal thoughts of

sin.

Confession helps to ease the pricking

Of his

Now

relentless conscience.

Has

The deep wine-red

rejoins Phil.

Blood of the left

Ed

were picking

olives they

on the white tub

a stain,

Dark, inerasable, profane.

I20

 

5.42

Instructions

come from Mrs. Craven

With quartermasterly aplomb,

The

piercing vision of a raven,

The animation of

a

bomb:

—Ed, weigh out

 Drain out the bathtub, Paul

—Rowena, out Dry towels on the —Joan,

A

pound of

lay

salt

table

Twelve lemons from that

Some

tree

restaurants for their

And mustard Rinse the

jars.

fruit

.

.

—Sure,

For every

jar.

Pll

.

.

empty

I'll

phone

pickle

Matt, olive

once more, Chuck

The water Apiece )

.

.

oil

—

Phil, boil

pay a nickel

(They're worth two bucks

Now,

turmeric's the crux. ...

5.43

The

An

mixed

salt's

as the water's heated.

egg's released

It floats

The

completed.

is

stratified design,

Bands of plump

Are

the brine.

stage

first

Phase two: In

Of lemon,

upon

and thick

olives

slices

dusted well with spices,

laid inside

each pickling

jar.

Now into each packed reservoir A sluice of cooling brine is pouring. A seal of olive oil to spare The

olives

And

the

The

lid's

The

label's stuck:

from the ambient

jar's set

air

aside for storing.

screwed tighdy; sighs are heaved; the task's achieved

121

 

5.44

The

sixteen jars are

Among By now

now

the workers, it's

He must

divided

two

jars each.

evening. Ed's decided

drive back

—unto the breach

Once more, once more back

To Monday's mundane

Of nine

to

 You're a

five.

He

real hit

to the city,

nitty-gritty

hears Phil say,

with Paul. Look, stay

Another night, Ed. In the morning Before the rush hour, you can go.

my

As

for

Ed

stays

feelings, well.

on and,

as

day

.

is

.

.

And

dawning

so

Across Phil's double bed next day, Packs bag and beast, and drives away.

122

 

SIX

6.1

How To

beautiful

it is,

find one's lover at one's side;

The

delicate

Irresolutely

slow light

On

Liz's hair,

How

last

their

lies

bedroom,

and John's

falling

recalling

night she untied

flowed between

She

breaking

is

through the wide

Bay windows of

It

when waking,

it,

his hands;

how but now

asleep, unswiftly breathing;

Her thoughts

not with him, her dreams

are

Traverse the solitary streams

Of inward The

lands, yet her hair, wreathing

pillow in a

mesh of

light,

Returns to him the fugitive night.

123

 

6.2

Or

after earnest

hours of earning

(Surveys to check, reports to

How To

it is,

returning

the retreat of a friend's smile

And For

wonderful

file),

a shared meal; to this

know,

if

only

one night, one won't be

lonely;

That the obtrusion of the day

—

Its grit

and

strain

—

will

wear awav.

This stores time lens

Not with

retreating

is

intention to confuse

But rather to update the news:

two months

It is

since their

first

meeting.

Liz has invited John tonight

To

dine with her bv candlelight.

6.3

Cher

a lenten supper (Liz's

New

diet, chiefly celery-

r

And

bean curd) conversation

With

its

old liveliness: their spree

Of baby In

its

babble,

if

belated

morendo, has abated.

And some It

fizzes

of what

served to

in

mask or

speech and

trait

mitigate

John's acid bolts of irritation

Once

inoffensively concealed

In swathing gurgles

Or

—

lie

revealed;

Liz's soft infatuation

With

the gestalt group she attends.

But, for

all this,

the

two

stay friends.

124

 

6.4

Prone to excessive sugar-eating, Liz vows to cut

She

it

down

this year.

finds each week's gestalt

group meeting

Sustains her will to persevere.

A

regulated distribution

Of contraband's Not

the best solution

total abstinence, but, say,

spoon or two (or

A (Liqueur Such

is

but not dessert exempted).

the regimen she's sworn.

The temperate schedule

To

curb desire

One By

day

three) a

Saturday

is first

when

that she's

drawn

attempted

John's away.

ten her nerves begin to fray.

6.5

By noontime, Her

Up No,

sugar-crazed and restive,

will deserts her.

She would give

Charlemagne for one half a gingersnap.

If life

is

digestive,

Why

live

pain and deprivation?

Untimely ripped of sweet sensation

Her

buds

taste

And now

salivate in vain.

the aura of migraine

Lays siege around her

of vision.

field

Darkness descends upon her

With

ice

eyes.

bags round her head she

lies

Imagining (with shocked precision)

Her body suddenly immense With carbohydrate corpulence.

125

 

6.6

While Liz

 reactivates holistic

Modes of ingestion,

John, although

Intrinsically antagonistic

To

est, gestalt,

Of answers

the whole trousseau

 ready-made but flaky

(To use

his words), maintains a shaky

Rein on

but can't

his tongue,

resist,

Occasionally, a baiting twist:

and prudent,

 Liz, unimpulsive, square,

Before you wholly waste away,

Inform your suppliant,

Of what new

When John

fad are

is

Liz threatens

pray,

I

you the student?

in this kind she'll

of

boycott

mood

all

food.

6.7

They go

to the ballet together,

See movies once or twice a week,

Take walks; the February weather Lures the quince blossoms to a peak

Of pinkness on

the leafless hedges.

Mimosas bloom, and springtime edges Into the city fragrandy.

Another month, and

Them The

now we

see

poring over want ads, searching

dossiers of real estate

Agents.

.

.

Eureka

.

Queen Anne

A

Victorian

sedate is

perching

— Capacious and heaven-sent High on

a

hill hill, , firs first t

floor for rent.

26

 

6.8

Despite Its size

its

turret

lends

it

and

a sober

Its architecture deftly

Three

styles

its

shingles,

air.

mingles

with ecumenic

flair

A

cuve cu vee e equa equabl ble e yet

It's

zestful.

true, the wallpaper's unrestful:

The previous occupant, inspired inno nova vati tion on, , hire hired d By zeal for in

Two

out-of-work avant-garde

Who

set to

But

artists

work obediently

in short order

Ungovernable

proved to be

a-la-cartists;

With drools of chocolate,

And salmon

olive green,

pink they smeared the scene.

6.9

But, as Liz says,

it

has potential.

Their evenings and their weekends they

Now

spend on stripping the sequential

Layers of mismatched paint away.

Now

John waves

The

No

petals

his knife

Now,

beholding

joy,

of a grand rosette

plaster

on the reborn

lost in a creative

rollers triple coats

Upon

luster

ceiling.

dream,

of cream

the walls; and Liz

With rag and

The

with

longer choked and overset

With

He

handsome molding.

they've retrieved the

is

kneeling

polish to restore

of the hardwood

floor.

27

 

6.10

Fluorescent fixtures are abolished

And mellower

lamps placed

in their stead;

The wide bay windows, washed and

polished.

Pour spendthrift sunlight on the bed. Liz measures rugs, and John displaces

Chic cabinets with old bookcases. Soft sofas in beige corduroy And so that Charlemagne won't deploy |

His claws on drapes

|

a post for scratching.

Once they have moved

in.

thev invite

Their whole acquaintance to the nte

Of housewarming. But

Up

since we're catching

with events de desc scri ribe bed d abov above. e.

We'll shun redundancv and

move

6.11

Directly to the

The sun Aubade

morning

shin sh ines es br brig ight htly ly

after. in.

The

birds'

replaces last nighrs laughter.

Professor Pratfs impassioned words.

The broken

glasses, the emetic

Sheep music, even the splenetic

Yowls of the vengeful Charlemagne;

And

all is

Slack,

quiet once again.

honey-humming weekend morning.

Sweet sanctuary from In which we're

John

a

world

whis iske ked d and and whirled whipped and wh

bed awhile, then, yawning.

sloths in

Attends to coffee. Liz sleeps on.

Though once

or twice she murmurs.  John.

128

 

6.12

John reads the San Francisco

Chronicle,

Sipping his dark Colombian brew.

He

chuckles over an ironical

Column by Hoppe, The

turns to view

grouches of the crabby

visceral

Herman curmudgeon,

Dear ar Ab Abby by, , scans De

Miss Manners' prim, refreshing views

On

and then the news

etiquette,

Which

no more than the

tells

Of greed and John

loner

In a

hate.

the solace of arrival:

who

new

and pain and

and thinks of Liz, and Fate,

sighs,

Warmed by

A

fear

survival

has come,

at last

new home.

house, to a

6.13

John looks about him with enjoyment.

What

a

man

needs, he thinks,

is

health;

Well-paid, congenial employment;

A

house; a

Some

modicum of wealth;

sunlight; coffee

and the papers;

Artichoke hearts adorned with capers;

A

Burberry trench coat; a Peugeot;

And

in the evening,

Or Couperin;

A

Stilton,

And In

a

and

a

some Rameau

home-cooked dinner; little

port;

so to a duvet. In short,

life's

A man

brief

game

to be a winner

must have ... oh

All else, of course,

yes,

someone 129

 

6.14

above

to love.

Ah, John, don't take

it ail

for granted.

Perhaps you think Liz loves you

The snooker

A

been slanted.

table has

bomb

cuckoo's

in the nest.

lies

Be warned. Be warned.

The wildness of that

best.

Just as in poker

card, the joker,

Disturbs the best-laid plans of men,

So too That

it

happens,

now and

a furred beast

with

then,

feral features

(Little

imagined

When,

cute and twee, the kitten plays),

Of that

familiar

in the days

brood of creatures

The world denominates

a cat,

Enters the game, and knocks

it flat.

6.15

Let

me

recant.

Did

I

say enter?

Indeed, he was already there,

The ab

initio

Of the whole The

pastel-tinged affair

grizzled cat, grim

Of human Love of

(Who But

resenter

weakness,

and disdainful

lets his

painful

his mistress-heroine

saved his

as for

life

once) shrive her sin;

John, the old torn tabby

Scratches his proffered

hand of

truce.

No tribute lamb chops can seduce Him from his hate. His coat, grown

shabby,

Conceals an ever-green-tongued flame

Of jealousy

time cannot tame.

30

 

6.16

Why

scratch a scratching post

Present themselves?

Why

Why

hunt mere mice

when you

Of an impending From

To

trousers

bone?

bite a

mousers

like lesser

When, having gnawed Receiver

when

the telephone

sensed the presage

urgent message

John's curt boss,

who

can't aftbrd

waste time, you can short the cord?

Why

vex yourself with paltry matters

When

named

a report

Bipartite

Para-Models ofMissile Flight

Can

casually be torn to tatters?

And why,

in short, crave vapid

When you

can drink your

food

foe's heart's

6.17

Blood

This

is

no

In this connection

To

farfetched analogy it's

germane

note his psychic genealogy:

The warrior blood of Charlemagne Brims with

—

The hunting The

a

bonus for

spirit

a

rhymer

of Selima,

wits of Fritz, the fierce elan

Of the

exultant

Pangur Ban.

The grand Tiberian Atossa

And

the electric Cat Jeoffry

Are honored

Long I list

as

in a pedigree

your arm and high

as Ossa.

these but to illustrate

The hybrid

vigor of the great.

31

blood?

 

6.18

How To

does John dare, the loathed intruder,

breach the bounds of his domain,

Usurp

To

his realm, or, to be cruder,

rape his solitary reign

when,

Inviolate since

as a kitten

orphan he had smitten — —Lost, ear-torn schoolgirl heart with How dare John think— Great Cats above Liz's soft

love?

Cohabitation

immunity?

spells

That sordid catnip could replace His

mistress's nightiy

And how,

embrace?

with cavalier impunity

Dare he share

Liz's

bed and, more,

Lock Charlemagne outside

the door?

6.19

Is it

then come

Old

Cat, old friend,

Of a

strange house

So many

full circle

for you,

who pawed

till

Lizzie

the door

saw you,

swift-spent years before?

Is it surprising that that kitten,

Famished and

fearful,

should have bitten

Her arm with hunger and

Or proved

half

To supplement Liz gave

(Not

He

him

relief,

watchman and his

sips

a wise habit,

half thief?

ample ration

of chardonnay.

by the way.)

loved her with a loyal passion

And showered Truly, a

her with vineyard mice,

homage without

J

price.

2

 

6.20

Liz z foll follow owed ed knowledge, Year followed year. Li

Then

a career;

and Charlemagne

First followed

game, then Liz to

As

faithful

(though not

college,

as inane)

As Mary's lamb or bumbling

bassets.

Blessed with the atavistic assets

Of pride and

deep-throated delight

In freedom, what was his by right

—His

—he,

time's use

in willing deference,

Whenever Liz was sad or bored, Gave

to the mistress he adored.

One hand upon

a

One on

and orange

his gray

work of reference, fur,

She stroked him, while he purred to

her.

6.21

What

did that purr

reflect?

The tender

Fealty of a one-person cat?

Or memories of nights of splendor

When The

with a snarling caveat

territorial

marauder

Scattered his rivals in disorder

To quench some

she-cat's arching wiles

Upon

the clattering star- lit

Or,

he aged, the sweet security

as

Of love

tiles?

that mellows in old casks

Whose ebbing

essence molds and masks

The Old

its

vintage of Cat,

Of lions,

who

youthful purity?

with the in inju jure red d roar roar

once more paws the door

133

 

6.22

 O

Charlemagne, thou

The mischief done.

knowest

little

John

stares at his

Defunct report. 'That was the lowest

Blow

you could have

that

struck.

And

Liz,

Distressed in almost equal measure

At her

and John's

cat's glee

displeasure,

Reproaches Charlemagne in slow

And

serious terms.  ... But, John,

It's just

temporary reaction

a

House-moving has disturbed

And

his poise,

then that party and that noise

Whil Wh ile e Ch Char arle lema magn gne e with Enters the

On

know

I

bedroom

the duvet and

.

.

,

satisfaction

calmly,

warms

.

sits

his wits.

6.23

That night Liz works She scans

On

tracts

Acts of

late.

John

on insurance

God and

covered

retires.

law, fires.

With twitching hands and quivering jaw John, naked, bursts into the study.  Jesus Christ

Liz

—your fucking buddy

That hellish—God John Tell

Me And

.

.

.

the beast at least

happened. Did you tease him?

him? That freak climbed the bed

urinated near

Enough's enough

Have

kill

John, calm down, calm down,

me what tease

—I'll

my

head.

appe peas ase e him. him. Liz, don't ap

that cat neutered.

It'll

cure

All his aggressions, that's for sure.

134

 

6.24

When ( I'll

John's invective grows too torrid

cut

them

off myself,

et al.),

Liz exclaims,  John, don't be so horrid. Well, ship

him

off to Senegal

—

Or somewhere

Liz, you'd better

—mark my words—that

Or

Oh,

Of course

He As

cat will rue it.

be then? Overjoyed?

I

not, dear. I'm very sorry.

change the

sheets.

really has a heart

I'll

He's twelve years old.

of gold.

Well, dear, try not to worry.

bet

for that other thing, that

—At

it

darling, don't be so annoyed.

What should Let's

do

would

— do more harm than good.

his age

6.25

 So what should

 Make

sure the

I

do

—grin and bear

bedroom door

That night Charlemagne

Down, but

tries

is

it?'

locked '

to tear

it

defeated, head half cocked

In caution and in concentration,

Turns

his

To where

mature consideration John's briefcase, custom-made

In Polish pigskin, has been

Open,

at John's

laid,

desk in the study

And, using more of

skill

than force,

Deals with the matter in due course:

A

disembowelment unbloody

But

satisfactorily

complete:

Reprisal sudden, stern, and meet.

3 5

 

6.26

Next morning comes John's ultimatum,

Not

 Some people I

as resigned.

and some hate 'em.

like cats,

must be of the second

me

Excuse I

much

frenzied so

did

my

kind.

I'm sounding

if

bitter.

best to like this critter,

—and your Just loathes my innards — and But, Liz,

it

takes

two

cat

that's that.

He

isn't

Today

woolly-brained or widess.

my

briefcase

Tomorrow

is

his prize.

gouge out

he'll

Believe me, Liz,

it

scares

my

me

eyes.

shidess.

Either you get that cat declawed

Or

I'll

—so help me—have 'em sawed

6.27

Of—for But

as

What

No

No

Right off

Christ's sake

are

you

—they're only

he looks into her

fearful

nails

tearful

Horrified gaze his heart prevails.

She

sits

John

there

still,

says,  Liz

.

.

Darling, I'm sorry

'They're not

without replying. .

I

Lizzie, please stop crying.

upset

They're not

—

Ask any

Liz bursts out, reaching for a

—and

 Ask Janet

you'll

know

vet,

tissue,

you're wrong.

John

offers peace,

but

it's

not long

Before he's prompted to reissue

His

threat;

and Janet

Court judge brought

is

the

moot

in to try the suit.

;6

 

6.28

She

on each

sits,

side an assessor

More whimsical than

wise,

and known

As Cuff the Great and Link the  As of

A

this

point in time

Lesser.

shown

they've

lamentable fluctuation

In judicative concentration

Beyond

Of the

a close search

alle al lege ged d crim crimes es. .

Into the bedroom.

To

test the

Than

And

It

of the scene

They have been has pleased

them

duvet with more pains

justify the likely gains,

extra-legal force has eased

them

Into the yard, where they've amused

Themselves, consorting with the accused.

6.29

There Charlemagne with calm urbanity Points out the well-scratched peppertree.

Avuncular, the soul of sanity,

With not

He

takes

a

quark of jealousy,

them wandering through

the garden

Digging for gopher burrows. Pardon This brief excursus; in the court

Where an

injunction's being sought

Against John's threatened operation,

The judgment

has

come

Jan says:

in.

othe her r ways ways. .  You're right, Liz. There are ot

Declawing

A

is

a mutilation;

clawless cat

And

grows

far

more

tense

takes to biting for offense.

137

 

6.30

However,

To I

Liz, you've got to take

him

see a cat psychiatrist.

know

a

good one, and

she'll

make him

—such things

No, don't look stunned I

should explain

My

this.

exist

apologies

Well, cats, like humans, have psychologies,

And But

so. if a

.

.

.

John bursts out:  Jan, you're nuts

No

cat—

This whole

damn

Liz's gestalt,

ifs

place

now

and buts is

going bonkers

a cat shrink.

Before I'm pickled in this sink

I'm catching the next

flight for

Land of

Ciao, California Fruits, vegetables

—and

Yonkers.

nuts,

their cats

and mutts.

6.31

Liz adds,  Jan,

it's

a

poor suggestion.

Charlemagne's a well-balanced cat. His disposition's not in question. I wouldn't put

Says John with

it

quite like that

some

—

heat,  well, Jan,

maybe.

Liz says,  John, Charlemagne's no baby.

He

won't leap through those hoops. Just

let

Him

simmer down with time.

John growls,

You have

To To

Your

lopsided menace.

 is a

a choice. Either agree

shrink, or Jan's depend on me string his reverend guts for tennis

Rackets and violins instead.

That should appeal to Sue and Ed

138

 

6.32

Liz knuckles under; and John snappily

Changes the

subject.  Well, Jan,

The Sheepfold faring? Why, just last Sunday,

how's

Pretty happily? as

we browsed

In ShipRecs Liz spied your creation.

The album

cover's a sensation.

Well, did you like what

You know,

.

It

When

.

contained?

Jan, I'm so addle-brained

(John stares intently .

it

.

.

.

at his fingers)

listening to post-Beatles stuff.

must be good, though. ...

.

.

.

That's enough '

Jan groans. All three laugh. Jan's smile lingers:  Well, did you buy

Or count on me

it,

treacle

to give

bun

you one?

6.33

Yes,

you

Liz says, I'll

lack faith; no, you're a miser

 We

bought one, Jan.

write For Johnny

and

Oh, good

Eliza:

Co-patrons of my livelihood. I'd put it,

John

says,

 more

concisely.

pet,

John. Liz. Love. Jan. will

do

quite nicely.

Jan signs, and Liz goes on to ask

About her

latest sculptural task.

 Well, at the moment, Tutankhamen

On

a raft, spearing

The God of I

hope

it

—

Evil: that's

Jan says,  Amen

goes well.

Pernod

Ingests the rest of her

And

midstream my theme.

in

drives back to the studio.

139

 

6.34

Charlemagne's sent to Psycho-Kitty

Three times a week, and time goes

by.

the e bust bustli ling ng city September gilds th Once more, and autumn's lullaby,

Weaving through

chatter

and commotion,

Sounds dreamily from bay to ocean.

The world,

for

all its

grief

and grame,

Goes onward very much the same.

The fog With Jan

thins out; the rain increases.

less

sits

than customary zest

in the Cafe Trieste

And meditates upon the pieces Of her fragmented life and art.  

The

thing

is,

never to lose heart.'

6.35

Grandma's old dictum's too

Of course,

but what's 5

'Go with the flow

my A

—that

simplistic

to Z?

nihilistic

Invertebrate philosophy?

What happens when

the flow stops flowing?

Do

I

on going?

My

love

I

give in or keep

dammed.

life's

drink too much.

I'd better stop this

Or

art is stuck.

music's muck.

maudlin

listing

draw me to the brink

it'll

Of—well, Confirm

Oh

My

My

I

guess that Cuff and Link

my and

yes,

John for

reason for existing. friends.

Why

don't

I call

a spiritual overhaul?

140

 

6.36

 Hello. John here.

Yes

—

no,

What?

.

.

I .

.

.

.

Oh,

wasn't working

Nope,

it's

hello, Janet.

That was a All right, I

guess

it

joke.

it's

.

.

in

But Jan, you're

if

no

.

.

reason.

What? Out of season?

dubious

taste.

really a virago

Across Jan's face a

As

for

.

been withdrawn in haste.

was

Passes, but

.

veil

.

.

.

of pain

soon she laughs again,

there were a fine

Against such words

as,

embargo without

Enter her heart, and make

it

leave,

grieve.

6.37

 .

.

.

Tomorrow?

.

wants to ban

Like you, I'm paid, Jan, to create

Hey, Jan, don't blow up

.

late.

who

Phil

.

Sorry, Jan; I'm busy:

it.

match with Ed.

Phil; then a tennis

Next week's not too good ... Say what,

I'll

call

you back

down

Jan puts the phone

While with remedial

I

.

.

.

and Lizzie

.

.

instead.

in dejection

affection

The quipster-quadrupeds appear

To

climb her knee and

 Not now,

Watching

The Till

her ear.

She sits there, thinking, and minutes pass,

says Jan.

While the clock

lick

ticks,

cube melt in her

a

cats are

still;

they

glass.

there, blinking,

sit

summoned:  Octopuss, come

Cuff butts her chin; Link

here.

tastes a tear.

14

 

6.38

Next day

is

Sunday. In the morning

Phil drops in to see

—

 Sorry

it

seems

John and

I can't

Liz:

stop yawning.

John laughs:  Fd say the reason Ecstatic sex

'Tour

from dusk to

'Who It's

is

not

she, Phil? like

is

make

'That's as

6.39

may

be.

Philip Weiss.

Liz, I

the Lungless

That thing,

rise.

you to be mysterious

this

About

bun

a

need advice — —No joking, please— thing

John

.

Well, wait and see.

With your old buddies, Later,

.

sunrise.

wit, John, wouldn't

Bet I'm right, though.

.

March

is

this

serious

week.

John mutters with some pique.

 I

thought

It

is,

John.

Liz if—

Or

this

was

a social visit.

thought

I just

John breaks

isn't it?

A

in:

I'd ask

 Well, Phil,

is it

mask

troubled

Slips over Phil's face. Liz says, puzzled,

 Free speech

Out with

it,

among Phil

friends can't be muzzled.

—what's on your mind?

Let's leave formality behind.

My

question

Limp when

To

arrested be construed

be resisting?

'That's a shrewd

Liz murmurs: 'True, you're slowing

Query,

The

says Phil,  can going

is,

process, but they couldn't claim.

go quiedy

Still, I'd

all

the same.

142

 

6.40

The cops have They could

A

quite a bit of latitude.

at least

make out

depends upon your

lot

I think this

whole

a case.

attitude.

...

thing's a disgrace,

burs rsts ts out, out,  and undemocratic. John bu

Phil says with emphatic,

Right on, John

Surprised assent. Taken aback,

John

says,

Upon

 No,

I

the lab, not

meant your

what

attack

they're doing

You've got the courts. You've got the You've got the vote. Is

To

use duress

inexcusable. You're screwing

Your country while you claim

The high

priests

of humanity.

to be

press.

.

.

.

6.41

 Look, John, we've talked

this

out already.

phenomenon,

If that spitfire

That spout of gas, hot and unsteady,

Could be

As

I

called talk,

remember, you waxed

But when

it

have done.

lyrical,

came to an empirical

Hardheaded look I

we may

world,

at the real

found that you had gone and curled

Up

in a corner,

drunk and driveling

About iguanas or some such Garbage.

We

That night, and

Out of my aim John's words

much

didn't talk too I

can see you swiveling

again today.

draw blood;

Phil turns at bay.

143

 

6.42

 All right, John, if

Get on with Well, for a

it:

you want

discussion,

we've got free speech.

start, if

you were Russian,

That wouldn't come so

Each

glibly.

Artist or writer there, each poet

Who's seen

To

the truth and tried to

Starved, or reviled in his

—

About

A

doubt

I

own

need to

land tell

you

the fate of Mandelstam.

Spout here: Spout

I

it

been banned,

his compatriots has

Or worse

show

you'll

there: the

come

KGB

to

little

will sell

harm.

you

ticket to a dexterous shrink

Who'll drug you

dumb

to help

you

think.

6.43

I'll

bet a

month of psychological

Incarceration wilts your wit;

That soon, instead of demagogical Heresy

you'll

howl holy

writ.

Big Bishop knows what's proper for you, Expels you

if

he can't ignore you,

Infects his pliant flock with spies

And

Truth

bloats his paper

Try demonstrating Will cost more.

—with

there: publicity

Drop your job

For the swift bear hug of the

But

you

if

Go bow Give

them the rope

to

stops, face dark with agitation.

Starts flashing

fire,

Prevails:  John,

Except that

his

Fm

all

vehemence, but moderation you've said makes sense-

not an apologist

For that regime or that psychologist.

Fm

an American, and

But

their state

Fm

glad.

wouldn't look so bad

To someone sunk

in

unemployment

— Of which we've plenty— or Bankrupted by

I

disease.

his medical fees

doubt that he'd get much enjoyment

From Could

all

his fabled freedoms, or

let his

.

hang us with.

6.44

by

state.

before the monolith

 

Phil, startled

there: wait

cred cr edit it thei their r duplicity,

144

John

lies.

daughter study law.

.

.

6.45

I'll

even add that their despotic

Religiosity for

Acts

like

Marx

—to quote him—

While privileged

Grow And

fat

On

of Jack Homers

who

we're

the joint pie;

and spy

thwarts the party;

hire hacks; but if

Our own

To

cut queues and corners,

that they gag, harass,

Is that

We

blot,

plump plums from

anyone

And

ecclesiarchs

like battalions

Extract

And

on

a narcotic,

free,

our forte

and don't support of

soft choir

castrati,

support those who've given birth the one race-reich

left

on

earth.

145

 

6.46

But why did we get into I

know

As

—you said

.

.

all

this?

but never mind.

.

for th the e apoc apocal alyp ypse se: : I'd call this

Not

Humankind

theirs or ours.

Extends beyond our grim theocracies

Or

constitutional plutocracies.

This world of ours, All of us breathe

And

laughs) ...

Of waxing

How

When

.

see .

.

atmosphere

(Phil pauses here

.

.

I

lyrical.

this

why you

.

can you think of

accuse

Anyway,

we

or they

we're both in the soup? Refuse

Support,

me

that's fine; but,

me

John, don't doubt

I

know what I'm going on

about.

.

.

.

6.47 ... I

I'll

don't

leave

some

mean

to evangelize.

know

For

all I

But

try to see

At

literature here for you.

the stuff will bore you. it

through our

this, Phil leaves

Has

eyes. ...

with John (who, calmer,

slowly loosed his cancroid armor)

The Fate of the Earth

—

a tract

by Schell

And two by As

Caldicott, as well several slim brochures describing

This Friday's march upon that place,

That heartland of the

Named

A

missile race

Lungless. Finally, imbibing

reconciliatory hit

Of dope,

Phil

murmurs,  Got to

split.

146

 

6.48

 Phil, wait a second, here's a present

For Paul: an abalone Thanks, John,

—

Handshake

And ( I

a brief

shell.

Phil smiles,

and with

a pleasant

a kiss for Liz as well

nod

at

Dr. Spooner

piked your lot ) drives

Has John breathed thanks Phil's phalanxes,

off.

No

sooner

that he's survived

than Ed's arrived.

Liz hugs her brother:  Hello, handsome,

Why

aren't

Wryly

you dressed

exclaims,

We've got

for tennis?

 Makes me

this big

Ed

see red

campaign on, and some

Dodo's

—

just left us in the lurch

had time to go to church

I've just

6.49

He

left

on Thursday, with no warning

So we're

working overtime.

all

Well, that's the news this Sunday morning

I'm sorry, John All suited

.

.

—but

I

.

Liz, that's

why

I'm

must be going

Liz smiles at Ed; then, startled, showing Signs

of shock, then bafflement,

first

Thinks,  Surely there's some accident.

How And

can

even

.

.

.

and

after

Ed

yet,

the

.

what other meaning

that

.

>»

John

Asks,  What's the matter, Liz?

Out of

.

has gone

Seems so preoccupied

Cheek on hand,

.

But leaning

Liz, abstracted, stares

window, unawares.

47

 

SEVEN

7.1

When

We

grows too intense to handle,

fear

shrink into a private smile,

Surprised

when

here and there a candle

Drives back the dark a

little

A

gutters;

space, before

little

Or

in the

Words

To

madness

full

it

while,

a voice utters

of calm that to us seem

bear the dry light of a dream

And

stain

our waking with more sorrow.

The night of hate

that covers earth,

The generous country of our The

single land

All that

Our

is

ours

from which we borrow

— —

air, insight, tears,

fragile lives

for a few years,

48

 

7.2

That night of hate grows dense around

We

laugh through what

we

us.

can't dispel,

While apathy and terror hound us

On

well-intentioned paths to

hell.

Best to concede, to the septic chorus

Of the And

world's counsels, what's

let

them,

if

they choose to,

earth with

civil

birth,

good

mar

war.

for us,

Our common

Live day to day; relieve a

What sorrow

A

lies

little

within our scope;

moratorium on hope

Will, if

makes our laughter

it

Lend peace

When

until that

brittle,

day of wrath

smoo ooth th do doom omto toys ys hurtle forth. the sm

7.3

What,

A

after

all, is

virus in the

earth's creation?

morgue of

space.

What's Mozart but a weird vibration Congenial to a br brai ainn-si sick ck race

Rabid with

virulence.

Why

If things like these should

And, dying, yelp If clouds

In

its

it still

is

likely

their

won?

sun

shines undiminished

small galaxy.

Of note

maul each other

that they have

of dust occlude

From them,

bother

No

when

change this strange

Irradiated beast has finished

Vomiting

filth

upon

Of inhumanity, and

its is

bed

dead.

49

 

7.4

Some

disagree. Heroic,

sillv

— Whichever—they have gathered here In the pre-dawru

dew-damp and

chilly,

On one of two days in the year When light and night share clay's

dimension

In equal halves.

To

ease their tension

(For near them, where a cyclone fence Delimits the circumference

Of

Lungless Labs, police stand sentry.

Guarding

road, checkpost. and gate

a

They

sing aloud,

Fall's

somber equinoctial entry

By

.

and celebrate

lighting candles in an arc

encroachment of the dark.

.Against the

7.5

Dawn

over Lungless redly.

rises

The pioneers of

now by

Are joined

A

the blockade a

motley medley;

marching carnival parade

Starts out

from Lungless Parle cavorting

.Along to Lungless Labs, supporting

Those who

risk

prison to defy

The weaponry they

Young Old

all

decry.

couples, schoolchildren, grandmothers.

punks with hair dyed green,

hippies,

Staid- suited

men who've

never seen

.Another demonstration, others

Who've been

Toward

to scores, walk

hand

the place where death

is

 

7.6

— decent.

Those who devise these weapons Adjusted, family-minded folk

Don't think they plan death. Their most recent

Bomb

(which, as an engaging joke,

in

hand

planned.

They dubbed  the cookie Live

cells

—

and yet

this

cutter ) batters

is

what matters

Leaves buildings and machines intact This butchering brainspawn

is

in fact

Soothingly styled a  radiation

Enhancement device

by these same men.

Blind in their antiseptic den

To

the obscene abomination

Of the

refined

ampoules of hate

Their ingenuity helps create.

7.7

They go

to work, attend a meeting,

Write an equation, have a beer, Hail colleagues with a cheerful greeting,

Are conscientious, sane,

sincere,

Rational, able, and fastidious.

Through hardened

no

casings

Tapeworm of doubt, no

guilt,

invidious

no qualm

Pierces to sabotage their calm.

When You

something's technically attractive,

follow the conception through,

That's

What

all.

Of living

you

leave a slew

dead, of radioactive

 Collateral It's

if

damage

in its

wake?

just a job, for heaven's sake.

151

 

7.8

They breed

their

bombs

here; others

aim them

—Young At

targeteers at their controls

living souls, to

kill

and maim them

(Although their unemotive goals Talk not of  death

but  optimizing

Effective yield ), while, mobilizing

we

Uncertain radar,

The

and prod ourselves to war.

skies

Then, locked inside

Go

explore

their lethal closet,

codes received, launch keys in place,

Bright crew-cut zombies will efface All humankind.

Too

late to posit

What made them

fire

A

A

of geese?

flight

from the

hip.

faulty chip?

7.9

Fatigues,

down

jackets,

Handicapped veterans American

A A

band

flags

and bandannas,

in wheelchairs,

and rainbow banners,

for Sousa, priests for prayers,

replica

of the grim reaper,

—

Placards

 I

am my

brother's keeper,

Nice folks don't us use e nuke nukes, s,

Not

death,

and

a

Work

huge  Strive with

for

life,

strife

Quarreling, waving, wrangling, singing,

The

Two

lively

ununanimous throng,

thousand minds, two thousand strong,

Submerge

Common

their disagreements, bringing

concern and hope to bear

Against the smithy of  hardware.

152

 

7.10

Phil hears the

Engaged

crowd from where

he's standing,

in a brisk conference

With two

TV

Handing

reporters.

Out pamphlets

labeled

Common

About Our Common Fate, and

Briefly their plans

Sense

Phil mentions

their intentions:

'We'll have a speech by Father O'Hare;

Then,

And

in small groups, we'll

cross that line of demarcation.

While we block

The cops

will

going through,

traffic

grab us two by two

—That's standard And

walk out there

for a demonstration

haul us off to

—

jail

Yellow school buses,

I

in those

suppose.

7.11

As evidence of our

We

won't

Shoot

Thank

A

resist.

sincerity

The

TV

crew

several reels off with celerity, Phil,

and turn to interview

Lungless Labs spokeswoman:  Really,

These games cost the taxpayer

And

have a minimal

Upon

the labs.

To

dearly,

effect

misdirect

Attack upon an institution

That serves the nation's

a perverse,

Quixotic, petulant, or worse,

An

un-American resolution.

As every president can

What we do

here

is

attest,

for the best.

153

 

7.12

An

Phil looks around him.

Blue whale with Save the Across

side

its

By clambering

inflated

Humans

scrawled

inundated

is

children.

The

so-called

Elders for Peace are pr pres essi sing ng flow flower ers s

On

the police.

A

sergeant glowers,

 Ma'am, pl plea ease se st step ep back

Ma'am,

that

is

no concern of mine.

No, thank you, ma'am,

A

Phil chuckles.

acro ross ss th tha at line.

new

not

if s

.

.

.

.

a marriage.'

vision nears:

A woman with a placard steers A cat strapped in a baby carriage Toward him.  Almost

Good

heavens

.

.

.

looks like Liz.

surely not

It

.

.

.

is.

7.13

Phil shouts. 'This

Liz

 Liz

What

you doing

are

Where's he?

here?

With an

fantastic

And John

enthusiastic

Bear hug Phil beams a smile Liz,

is

down on

who, one hand held down,

restraining

Charlemagne (whose great-lunged complaining

Has

risen several decibels)

And one hand on

a sign that spells

are e disa disarm rmin ing. g. Cats and attorneys ar

Why

aren

}

t

we

all?

gasps out,

—Charlemagne, keep

Let go of

Don't

 Ow

— Ouch

Phil,

still

That wasn't very charming

Look, you've drawn blood,

Now, Charlemagne,

don't

I

hope you're

make me mad.

154

glad. .

.

.

 

7.14

.

.

Perhaps

.

oughtn't to have brought him.

I

He

isn't

It's

the jazz band that's overwrought

used to the melee.

But, Phil, as

John

was going to

I

isn't here.

'Well, no,

Astute

— or

.

say,

connect him

Liz smiles:  That

'Thanks, Phil

.

Did you expect him?

just that I

it's

him

flattering

— of you.

.

isn't

.

.

too

too can ... by the way, how's Eddy?

I

Eddy? I

don't

But

 Oh,

asks Phil, .

now

.

.

why

Ed—I

see.

you asking w*?

are

the microphones are ready,

Father O'Hare says,  Friends, a

And

the brief parley

is

word

—

deferred.

7.15

Bespectacled, short, nervous, chubby,

With few gray

And

hairs for sixty years,

unim impo posi sing ng fo form rm And un

A

tubby

scruffy cassock, the priest's

appears

curious temple for the oracle;

And

every hint of oratorical

Expectancy

is

squelched

Bent

down on an

Two

fingers

fumbling with his

Dropped on

jittery

activist

Holds them with

collar,

hands

the ground; but

starts to speak, the

(By nature;

he,

unsteady knee,

Gathers the notes his

And

when

when he

pudgy

stands

scholar

by choice)

his soft resonant voice.

155

 

7.16

Now Are

both blockaders and supporters

silent as the priest says,  Friends,

Sisters

The

and brothers, sons and daughters,

little

time each of us spends

Can everyone

at the

—and

Yes? Excellent

Not too

We

loud?

.

.

.

.

back hear me?

me

those near

all

Well, these few short years

spend pursuing our

Our

.

.

careers,

needs, our longings, our obsessions

Upon

this earth,

Of some

once gone, are dead.

who've spent

their time,

They gathered manifold

it's

said

possessions;

Of some,

they broke their

Of some,

their striving broke th thei eir r he heal alth th. .

lives for

wealth;

7.17

Of some The

it's

said they learned to master

secret fusion

of the sun,

Of some

that they ran, rode,

Than

their advent

till

Of some,

they eked

swam

man had

life

out

faster

done, drudges,

as

—but any way one judges

Of some Their

lives

or ours, to dole out blame

Or

praise,

To

cut across

one

attribute

all

claim

our partitions

Of wealth and

vigor,

Did they

life?

serve

may

fame and

Or

injure

wit:

it?

These are more naked oppositions

Than can sieve truth in every case, But we may use them when we face

156

 

7.18

Choices such

What

our

is

as,

today, we're facing.

will in life?

As, lemming-like,

To

To

mankind

race is

racing

liquidation, or to face

With what

small strength

we

have, the massive

Machine of omnicide, impassive, Oiled by inertia and by hate

And

the smooth silver of the state?

Today we meet

Of life; some And

all

in celebration

have their children here;

of us are of good cheer.

Indeed, with our incarceration In those yellow school buses,

May

we

find ourselves compelled to be

7.19

As

little

children. Let's inquire

With the same

childishness as they,

Should we not

try to

douse a

fire

That threatens to consume away

Not

just

Or with

our home but the whole a worldly-wise

city?

and witty

Shrug and rejoinder should we turn

The volume up and Well,

we

let

Rome

have gathered here

burn?

this

morning

In disparate but harmonious voice

To show

that

we have made our

choice;

That we have hearkened to the warning

That hate and

fear kill;

and are here

Confronting death and hate and

fear.

157

 

7.20

Hate

is

a subtle weed; vagaries

Of soil and

time give

it

new growth.

Only the food of hatred

varies;

Engl En glan and d an and d Germany were both

Our

bitterest enemies;

we

hated

Each of them. Yet when we had sated

Our enmity and made them

friends,

Hate found new sustenance

for

The English gone,

it

its

ends.

found the Spanish.

Japan defeated, China served

To Its

keep

its

lethal life preserved.

victim crushed,

it

would not

Even before we'd reached

vanish.

Berlin,

Moscow was our new sump of sin.

7.21

Hate

with diplomatic fashion.

shifts

To

love

By

Christ's

We

cannot

The

By

is

to be resolute.

own

sacrifice

flinch,

and passion,

we must

not mute

strength and grace of his humanity

acquiescing in insanity.

Neither crusading frenzy nor

The

specious pleading of

Permits the

Of that

'just

war

5

least justification

which, once used, will ensure

That God's creation won't endure.

Without

hate,

without hesitation,

Taking our freedom

in

our hand,

ach pled pledge ge that here Let us each

we

stand.

158

 

7.22

Though

Catholic,

I

make no apology

For quoting someone we've proclaimed

The arch-monk of our demonology These several hundred

To show

that in this

That threatens, we

years. I

aimed

murderous weather

will stand together,

As now; and with our common breath Cry out against our common death. Catholic and Episcopalian,

Lutheran, Baptist, Methodist, Jew, Muslim, Buddhist, atheist,

We Now

all

are here; radiation's

Impel us into

no one

is

common

common

alien

laws

cause.

7.23

It

was once asked

If

once more our high sentence clashes

Belsen's ashes,

on 'Where were you then? Where was the Church?' With our

No

inaction,

we need

search

further for complicit stigma

Than those hands bearing

Of blood and body

the enigma

in the mass.

Please

Our

On

God,

not come to pass.

this will

bishops' recent pastoral letter

demands

nuclear arms

a freeze.

Today our own archdiocese

Of San

Francisco's an abettor

—They've

—

lent us transport

in this fight

Against the law, but for the right.

159

 

7.24

I

have heard some

who

denigrate us

Claim that we wish to abrogate

The

constitutional hiatus

Between

Our

religion

and the

job, they say,

While the

The

state

is

to be godly

goes on acting oddly.

scripture for their vision

'Give unto Caesar what

me

Let

state.

is his.'

observe that separation

Of church and

state

The church from The

is

from

does not exempt

action,

may not tempt

Of

examination conscience, and ought, lasdy, not

To

serve as partisan buckshot.

state

all

7.25

There

And

are occasions

civil

Granted Civil

If

we

law

when

morality

law are in dispute.

its is

sole officiality,

not absolute.

accept our obligation

Not

Or

to accept annihilation

that, in

our name, bombs are hurled

At others elsewhere

in the world,

The quote above needs

who

Students

gloss a

its

addenda.

narrow

text

Should read the passage that comes next; It is

suggested that

we

render

Things that are God's to God,

As stocking

as well

Caesar's citadel.

160

 

7.26

What

batt ttli ling ng fo for r democracy, Caesar, ba

Unasked, relinquished

his regime?

What

cott co tton on king king decried slavocracy?

What

cat

If

we

forwent

its

dish of cream?

expect disinterested

Judgment from Congress, from our vested

Arms

gluttons

—from the White House down-

We're living in cloud-cuckoo-town.

We

cannot wait for

There

is

no shame

legislation.

in following

Thoreau and Anthony and King,

The old

traditions

of a nation

year ars s befo before re, , That once, two hundred ye

In

its

own

birth resisted law.

7.27

There

is

no

time,

when

escalation

Bloats our stockpiles with overkill,

When

secula sec ular r pro prolif lifera eratio tion n

Means

Soon hatch Slaver

To

we

froth the world to panic,

and

—Peaceful; That may

Or ban

act in

pray,

no emphasizing

decelerate, reduce,

and use

test,

so brutalizing

opprobrium down

birth brings

the

must

any way

that needs

Of weaponry Upon

We

the inception,

mere

will

when with manic

these eggs, and

nourish niceties.

Reflect,

Its

of nations

that a score

name of Lungless Town. 61

 

7.28

Workers of Lungless Labs

—when dying

Will you be proud you were midwife To implements exemplifying Assault against the heart of

You knew If

their purpose, yet

you had

What

scruples,

pastoral response acquits

Indeed,

Of evil

it's

it

Plays with

greatest shock.

punches its

kids.

Of slaughtering its

for Auschwitz?

said that the banality

is its

jokes,

Upon

you made them.

you betrayed them.

Those who made ovens

It

life?

its

time

The

clock,

triviality

millions can't impinge

peace, or

make

it

cringe.

7.29

Killing

is

dying. This equation