The Game of Your Life: Play to Win and Become a Champion in Life

THE GAME OF YOU R L I F E Pl ay to w i n and b e c ome a champion in l i fe

THE GAME OF YOU R L I F E Pl ay to w i n and b e c ome a champion in l i fe

REX S. GIBSON

Copyright © 2010 by Dr. Rex S. Gibson

All   rights   reserved.   No   part   of   this   book   may   be   reproduced   or   transmitted   in   any   form   or   by   any   means,   electronic   or   mechanical,   including  photocopying,  recording,  or  by  any  information  storage  and   retrieval   system,   without   permission   in   writing   from   the   copyright   owner. For   information   on   distribution   rights,   royalties,   derivative   works   or   licensing   opportunities   on   behalf   of   this   content   or   work,   please   contact   the   Publisher   at   the   address   below   or   via   email   info@ nolimitpublishinggroup.com. COMPANIES,   ORGANIZATIONS,   INSTITUTIONS,   AND   INDUSTRY  PUBLICATIONS:  Quantity  discounts  are  available  on  bulk   purchases  of  this  book  for  reselling,  educational  purposes,  subscription   incentives,   gifts,   sponsorship,   or   fundraising.   Special   books   or   book   H[FHUSWVFDQDOVREHFUHDWHGWR¿WVSHFL¿FQHHGVVXFKDVSULYDWHODEHOLQJ with  your  logo  on  the  cover  and  a  message  from  a  VIP  printed  inside. No  Limit  Publishing  Group 123  E  Baseline  Road,  D-­108 Tempe  AZ  85283 [email protected] This  book  was  printed  in  the  United  States  of  America No  Limit  Publishing No  Limit  Enterprises,  LLC 1601  E  69th  Street,  Suite  200 Sioux  Falls,  SD  57108  

The Game of Your Life

TABLE OF CONTENTS Dedication Foreword Introduction

7 9 13

1st Half of the Game: Why We Fail at the Game of Life Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Fear: Why We Choke in the Big Game Problems: Game Stoppers Living in the Past: The Games We Lost, but Can’t Seem to Let Go of Justification: No Matter What the Excuse, You Still Lost the Game Bad Data: Playing Tennis with a Baseball Bat The Head Game: The Loudest Heckler

Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

17 21 33 37 41 47

2nd Half of the Game: How to Win the Big Game Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15

The Game of Life: First Read the Instructions The Best Game Plan: Everyone Wins Purpose: Your Secret Weapon for Success Reality: Play Your Game and Play to Win Luck: Create It, Don’t Rely On It Ethics: Guaranteed Personal Victory Confidence and Courage: Your Two Greatest Teammates Goals and Targets: First Down, Touchdown, and Victory Time: Creating More Time on the Game Clock

55 63 67 71 75 85 89 103 121

Overtime: The Score is Tied: Score the Game Winning Goal Chapter 16 Chapter 17

Finances: The Energy to Create New Games Business: Building Your Fan Base for Success

135 145

5

Rex S. Gibson Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20

Spirituality: The Game that Sets You Free Relationships: You’re the Captain, Pick the Right Team Gratitude: Embrace Your Opponents

163 175 185

Bonus Section Create Your Game and Map Out Your Plan for Success

191

Conclusion

211

6

The Game of Your Life

DEDICATION This book is dedicated to all “Players” of The Game. First and foremost, I would like to thank my beautiful wife Emily, for without her help, I would never be the success that I am today. She has been an inspiration as well as an incredible teammate. She has played every position a player could…from bat boy, to player, to coach and confidant. As the saying goes, behind every successful man, there is a great woman. Thanks honey…I LOVE YOU! Next, I want to thank my children for giving me inspiration, keeping me grounded, and helping to remind me that life IS a game and to always keep my childlike perspective of life. It is through their eyes that the game should be played. I also want to leave this book to them to help remind them as they grow to not lose their own “kid vision” as so many adults do. May you always play and prosper through games my loves! This whole book would not be possible without my parents. They gave me life and raised me with ethics and morals. They impressed upon me what can be achieved through good ‘ol fashioned hard work and never wavered from a “you can do anything” attitude. I draw strength from each of their lives and find inspiration in their marriage. I love you Mom and Dad! I want to say “Thank you” to all the coaches I’ve had throughout my life; from my peewee baseball coach, to golf coaches, to inspirational life coaches. No elite athlete gets to the top without the unsung heroism of great coaches. So I raise my glass to ALL coaches and say, THANK YOU!

7

Rex S. Gibson Finally, I want to dedicate this book to all the readers. It is YOU I wrote the book for. It is YOU who may be my next teammate in a business venture or helping me coach my son’s baseball team. I trust you will find inspiration and motivation to create your life how YOU see it. I know you have the strength to achieve all that you set out to do…and you now have the keys to unlock your potential. I postulate that you will flourish and prosper in abundance through games and rocket to the top, standing on the top podium receiving the gold medal in “The Game of Your Life”!

8

The Game of Your Life

FOREWORD Somewhere there is an Ultimate Creator. One absolute source from which everything and everyone is created. Everything that is comes from this Creator. It holds the stars in place and gives the moon its light. It is powerful enough to give the sun its intense energy and delicate enough to construct a rose in absolute stillness. This creative source contains all energy that ever was or will be, It is neither created or destroyed, it is the cause and effect of itself. It not only has no end, but also no beginning - It Just Is. There is no end to what this Creator can do. For no other reason than for time’s sake, I will refer to this Creator as “Grace” from this point on. One day Grace decided to create a place to play (as Rex will tell you). Now, where would the Grand Organizing Designer of the Universe to go play? A Playground, of course! But Grace first had to carefully select and create this playground. It needed plenty of equipment so Grace happily began to construct the entire thing. When all said and done, the playground had slippery slides, giant swings, epic sandboxes, and a merry-go-round that would blow your mind! It had every single aspect in order to have a blast and play with no worries...one problem, Grace needed some playmates! If you are all alone on this epic playground you eventually become exhausted from 9

Rex S. Gibson running alongside the merry-go-round before bravely hopping on to watch the clouds spin above your head! Grace had so many things to do in the playground and infinite games to play. So one day, after a long nap, Grace took each game it wanted to play, one by one and carefully thought about how to play. One by one, Grace made the rules for each game. After completing the game, Grace picked out a certain skills the players of the game needed and with absolute certainty, made the PERFECT playmate to play the game with. The combination could not be more perfect. Grace picked the game and the playmate in such a way that they could both have fun every day, constantly improve and above all - be Happy! How is this relevant? The perfect playmate is you. The perfect game is your life and the playground is this entire planet. The purpose is to have fun while playing with your playmates (especially the one who created you). The point of me telling you this story is to prove the point that Rex states many times throughout this book. His entire philosophy is based on one basic premise: Life is A Game! He teaches you how to take even the most stressful, serious, and discouraging events in your life and how to transform those negative experiences into an event that empowers you to become better, to transform yourself and to Enjoy Everything!

10

The Game of Your Life If there is anyone who is qualified to teach this philosophy, it is Dr. Rex S. Gibson. He has one of the most successful pediatric dentistry clinics in the United States (as well as many other successful entrepreneurial ventures), his income level is in the top 1% of the population and he has a wonderful family life in which everyone is healthy and happy. The most important and amazing thing about all of this is how he literally enjoys every single day. Sure he has days that are extremely challenging and frankly where others may give up, but he takes on seemingly impossible challenges, turns them into “games” (he’ll explain that later in the book) and comes out on top a better businessman and a better person. You see, the best measure of one’s character is not how they behave when success is present, but rather how they act when things get tough. Rex’s character is consistent and true in all circumstances and his results prove it. I have read hundreds of personal development books; seemingly everything from Anthony Robbins to Zig Ziglar and while they have all helped me in some way, Dr. Gibson’s book that you are about to embark on has had one of the greatest impacts upon my personal and business life to date. I thank Rex and I congratulate you as you begin this new “Game” of your LIFE!

In-Joy Every Page! Jeremy D Brown Author of several books including: No Limit Living: How to Think Big, Act Bold and Live With Purpose International Speaker, Author and Entrepreneur President and Founder - No Limit Publishing

11

The Game of Your Life

INTRODUCTION When you are a kid, life is full of fun and of games. It doesn’t matter what the game is. It could be red rover, dodge ball, checkers or baseball. They simply enjoy the game. Children are not burdened by real world problems like taxes, mortgages, car payments, jobs, marriages, and money. Children go to school and look forward to their future. Remember saying, “I can’t wait to be an adult”? As we grow up, society forces us to get serious about life. They want us to believe that it’s no longer fun and games. It is ingrained in us that we need to fear the consequences of life and act with caution. Society sucked the fun out of life. It stole the childlike dreams we had as kids. Slowly you begin to believe that life really isn’t fun. All the fun and games are gone. The reality, of course, is that the world didn’t change— you did. The only distinction between the games that kids play and the games that adults play is the considerations of the players. Life is full of games, but when the game stops being fun, we lose interest and don’t want to play anymore. This book was written to help you understand how life IS a game, WHY it is sometimes difficult, and HOW you can recapture your youthful outlook on life to stack the deck in your favor so you can win the game of life! I grew up playing and competing in all types of sports. As I grew up and decided on a career, I knew I wanted to work with people and help the people I was working with. As I progressed through my training as a dentist, I found myself able to relate well with children and they 13

Rex S. Gibson related well with me. It seemed that we operated on a similar frequency. Kids love games and I considered myself to be a big kid. It was as if my career found me. As I started my career, I used and applied techniques from motivational speakers I had read or heard and coaches in my past to create and grow my practice. As I grew as a person, I began to reflect on life. Drawing inspiration from the little people I help every day, I began to assimilate a theory of life, an amalgam (dental humor) of universal principles which prove that kids have it right. Life is a game and it should be played like a game, with unbridled enthusiasm and an over the ramparts zeal for life. This book will help you lay out the rules of the game, understand and avoid the obstacles to success, and cultivate the skills necessary to keep your eye on the ball to hit that home run, every time. By the end of this book you will recapture the thrill of victory as you come across the finish line first, relive the roar of the crowd as you catch the winning touchdown pass, and revive the passion which helps every Olympian to greatness. See you in the winner’s circle! Now…let the game begin!

14

1ST HALF OF THE GAME: WHY WE FAIL AT THE GAME OF LIFE

The Game of Your Life

CHAPTER 1 FEAR: WHY WE CHOKE IN THE BIG GAME “Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.” – Author Unknown Fear is a sensation we feel when we are in danger. Fear can be boiled down to its simplest element: the threat of loss. Fear, or threat of loss, can be further broken down into a gradient scale. At the low end of the scale, it reaches from no fear (not afraid to lose anything), to mildmoderate fear (could lose something valuable, but not too valuable), all the way to ultimate fear (fear of loss of life). Any time a person feels fear, he or she feels threatened in some way. Think about fear in terms of “fight or flight.” Imagine a quarterback, well protected by his lineman, taking his time to find an open receiver, delivering the pass and scoring yet another touchdown. No pressure made for a great outcome. Now imagine the quarterback whose lineman can’t seem to hold back the defense. He is under pressure every play. He has to scramble out of the pocket on every play and 17

Rex S. Gibson takes the relentless abuse of sack after sack. Now obviously, we are not discussing life and death, but when you see an angry, 6’4”, 350 pound man barreling toward you with the intention of mashing you into the ground, you may feel that your life could be in danger. In the first example, there is no threat. You are comfortable. The second example creates a different feeling. Your sense of awareness would shoot to another level. You would likely be making plans to protect yourself to prevent injury or worse. You would be much more attuned to the situation.

“FEAR is an acronym in the English language for ‘False Evidence Appearing Real.’” – Neal Donald Walsch The strongest urge people have is survival, and fear is based in this need to survive. Survival is your most fundamental need, and every decision you make is based somehow on your need to survive. Furthermore, all decisions that affect you personally can also affect everyone you come in contact with. For example, when you decide to cross the street, you collect the information, process it, and decide on the best way to cross without endangering yourself or anyone in the area. When you make that good decision, it means that your kids still have a father to come home to them, the office still has a valuable worker, society still has an upstanding part of the community. Even though it seems like a simple example, it proves my point that every choice is based on making pro-survival decisions, and that all decisions affect all aspects of your life and beyond.

18

The Game of Your Life If at any time in your daily interactions with people you feel that this need for survival is threatened, you instantly feel fear. If you truly dissect the things in your life which bring you fear, then you will see that the root of that fear is the tension between your desire to survive and the threat that you will lose the means to ensure your survival.

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves—regret for the past and fear of the future.” – Fulton Oursler But where does fear come from and why do we experience it? The answer lies in failed success. We all want to succeed and success comes from being RIGHT. The more often you are right, the more success potential you possess. To the degree that a person experiences failure, that person’s success potential is lessened. It is simple…if a person’s ability to succeed is threatened, the individual feels fear. We will discuss in later chapters how to overcome fear, but for now, knowledge is power. Knowledge sheds light on once unknown subjects. With this small light, we take our first step to conquering the game of life.

19

The Game of Your Life

CHAPTER 2 PROBLEMS: GAME STOPPERS “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” – Albert Einstein Our daily life is a tapestry of barriers; if we choose not to find solutions to these barriers, chances are we will never succeed. When we are faced with a barrier, we view it as a problem that hinders our path to achieving a certain goal. A problem can be defined as a situation that has the ability to paralyze a person and stops their ability to continue or move forward. All problems can be looked at instead as situations. Here, I use the word “situation” because situations tend to have resolutions while problems do not. Problems tend to linger with no resolution in sight, while situations are merely a set of circumstances which require a resolution. Whether your circumstances are a problem or a situation depends entirely on you. Most people continue to focus on the problem rather than focusing on finding a resolution to the situation and preventing similar situations from happening in the future. If carefully analyzed, you can usually see that a majority of problems stem from confusion and/or incorrect information. If you do not have the correct information 21

Rex S. Gibson or the information is mixed up, chances are you will find yourself stuck with a problem because it is difficult to fix a situation that is confusing or laden with bad information.

“Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.” – Unknown For instance, once I was lost in Chicago and needed to get to the Comiskey Park. I was in a part of town that I was unfamiliar with and decided that I needed to get directions, so I asked a random stranger. The guy gave me directions which lead me 40 blocks in the wrong direction. This created quite a problem because I was disoriented, confused, and becoming stressed. Even though I did exactly what the stranger told me to do, I was given incorrect information which resulted in an even worse situation. Another common example that occurs in everyday life is when a friend or family member gets into an argument and tells you his or her side of the story. In recalling the incident, he or she may fail to provide certain details, or even alter the incident to cast themselves in a more favorable light. Due to the missing or altered information, you may come to an incorrect conclusion. You might even create more conflicts, and take actions based on altered information. In this case, you didn’t get any wrong information; you just didn’t get all of it, which creates another problem. It is equivalent to having to solve a mathematical equation that never seems to come together correctly because you are missing a key component. Like in the Star Trek movie when Spock comes back from the future and talks to Scottie, who has been struggling with an equation he couldn’t seem to solve. Spock reveals a missing piece to 22

The Game of Your Life the formula and Scottie is able to see the solution…problem solved. In real life, it is sometimes difficult to look objectively at a situation to find those missing links. We need to take off our rose colored glasses, obtain all the correct information, eliminate confusions, and seek the truth. In the truth lies the solution to all problems.

Responsibility = Problem Control From a person’s own point of view, a problem that lingers too long is considered something that is wrong. People even say that when they are perplexed with a problem. They say “Something is wrong!” It is a wrongness. These can breed into arguments and conflicts. Let’s see how. Anyone can take credit for a job well done, but when it comes to a problem, there are few who are willing to raise their hand and accept the punishment. It is a basic human desire to be right. Subconsciously, we believe the more we are correct, the greater our success potential. When problems arise, we do one of two things: find a solution and move on with life or point the blame in a direction away from ourselves. If we do the latter, we tend to place that blame in one of two categories: things and other people. Blaming an inanimate object for your problems sounds crazy, but people do it every day. It is comical to observe a fully grown adult kick a car because it has a flat tire, or watch a person yell at a lawn mower because it stopped running. Although such things occur every day, this is truly the stuff that insanity is made of. Our other favorite target, of course, is other people. Since it is a basic human trait to believe that we are right, then they (whomever you have elected) must be wrong. In this fashion, we allow ourselves to save face and retain our self-confidence. 23

Rex S. Gibson The real key to controlling or reducing problems is responsibility. (This is a truly deep subject and you may need to reread this section a few times to absorb the entire concept.) The more responsibility you assume for everything around you, the more control or influence you will have over it. You cannot control anything over which you assume no responsibility. Have you ever seen the commercials on TV for the starving children in third world countries? I’m not suggesting whether should send money or not. I am merely pointing out that these commercials are a good example because they ask you to take responsibility for the kids, and by taking responsibility and donating money, you can help feed those children.

“The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.” – Theodore Rubin Now let’s take this concept to the next level. If personal responsibility must be taken in order to exert control and influence over a particular situation, then it stands to reason that in order to exert control overt conflict or problems, one must assume responsibility for them as well. This is to say that you must assume full responsibility for causing the entire situation, both what you did to create it and any reaction from others who are in the situation with you. A great example of this is when a customer gets really heated up at a store clerk. If the clerk enters into the conflict, then the match is ignited, and a fight begins, but if the clerk simply states, “I can see why you feel that way, and I can help you with this situation,” the argument is over. By accepting responsibility, the clerk is able to be in control of the problem. 24

The Game of Your Life At this point, some of you might be thinking, “Hey Rex, are you saying that it is best to cow down, roll over, and give up?” Let me be clear: I am not suggesting that you admit you are wrong just to keep the peace. I am suggesting that you simply realize that you have a part in any conflict or problem. If you were mugged in an alley, the reality is that you chose to walk instead of taking a cab. If someone is mad at you because of a joke you made, you decided to tell the joke. If you run out of gas, you were the one who passed three gas stations and chose not to fill up when you had the chance. It is not easy to look at ourselves and examine our role in the conflicts of our lives, and it takes real courage to accept responsibility for causing the situations that give us trouble. It is easy to lay the responsibility on someone else’s shoulders, but doing so is for the weak and uncreative. I suggest you look at the situation from the other person’s perspective. Analyze the situation and ask, “What did I do to make this happen?” and “What can I do to correct it?” Look for possible misunderstandings— maybe you didn’t explain something well. The more you start to take responsibly for the reactions you receive, the fewer problems you will have with other people. Remember, you cannot have control or influence over anything unless you assume responsibility for it. If you sit back and watch the scene as it unfolds, you will see the truth. Remember: problems come from confusion and faulty information. A customer becomes upset either due to confusion or to having received bad information. It is your job at this point to unravel the situation either by finding and correcting the wrong information, or by finding the misunderstanding and helping the customer to comprehend.

25

Rex S. Gibson Here is a helpful hint about what to look for: 1. Who or what was the source of information? Good information must come from reliable and unbiased sources that offer complete and unaltered data. (Examples of unreliable sources: “my next door neighbor said”…”I saw it on the internet”…”my grandpa used to say.”) 2. Do you understand what is being said or what is written? There is an old phrase- If you don’t know the words, you cannot sing the tune. The same is true of our language. If you do not understand the words correctly, you cannot understand correctly what is being said or written. How upsetting it is to try to speak or understand a person who is using a foreign language that you do not know. Especially if they seem to be trying to communicate something important. We need to also consider that we may not know all of the 20,000+ words in our own language, and that perhaps we are hearing the words but do not have the right meaning. Once the source of the confusion is found and corrected, the upset individual can comprehend the situation. Once understanding is reached, you will see him or her come up in emotion and attitude. Understanding comes from being able to duplicate or replicate something exactly. This is why it is so important to make sure that the data comes from reliable sources and that there are not any misunderstanding with the words that were used. Imagine putting together a Christmas present for your child. You pull all 258 parts out of the box, open the instructions, and find that they are written in Chinese. That is likely going to cause you confusion, frustration, and difficulty when it comes 26

The Game of Your Life to assembling the toy. This same principle can be applied to other people in different situations. Unfortunately, people do not come with instructions or a nice step-by-step guide; therefore, it is important that you take responsibility, and use your skills of observation to duplicate and obtain understanding. Just like the upset customer or the “some assembly required” toy, the better you can duplicate a situation, the more control and influence you have over a situation.

Key Components of a Problem Solver 1. Be willing to analyze a situation objectively. A person who keenly discerns where the problem lies and what piece of information is needed to solve it will be more likely to come up with a reasonable solution. After the missing link is found, you need to correct the existing information and take steps towards overcoming obstacles that exist between you and the solution. All top athletes and teams look for ways to improve, and the best of the best analyze without emotion. They simply find the key to better performance and implement it. Finding the missing piece of information is not enough if nothing is done with it. 2. Do not have excessive pride of authorship. We love to be right, but people who have excessive pride of authorship can’t look at their work critically because they are too emotionally invested in their own creations. They cannot look at their own work with fresh eyes, and thus cannot find where there may be errors. Don’t allow yourself to have excessive pride of authorship if you want to solve problems. No man is an island, and no one has all the answers, so you need to open yourself up to constructive criticism in your personal and professional life. Even Tiger Woods, arguably the best golfer in history, has a coach. Once you realize that 27

Rex S. Gibson you can learn from others’ advice and experiences, you will find yourself opening up to solutions in places you never realized were options. 3. Understand that answers come from an unlimited stream of venues. The answer to questions can come from any number of places, so you cannot close your eyes to any potential venue. The answer may be in the least likely place. Where did aspirin come from? Answer: The bark of a tree. This is an unlikely place to find a pain reliever, but it proves that answers can come from anywhere. Be willing to find truth wherever it may live! The winning answer can come from anywhere. 4. Always be open to the answers. I love the saying, “Don’t ask the question if you don’t want to hear the answer.” In order to find answers, you need to possess a passion to look for a solution even if it comes from an unlikely source. You also must be willing to accept that answer. The foolish man looks past truth in search for a better truth. What I mean is don’t just look for convenient truths—find real truth. Again, top athletes who remain at the top for years find ways to recreate their greatness. Andre Agassi changed his coach and his workout and as a result saw a resurgence to the top of the standings when many thought he was “over the hill.” As they say, the truth is not always pretty, but only when you find and use real truth can you be a true problem solver. 5. No excuses: get the job done. Successful problem solvers don’t offer excuses. No one really cares why you didn’t complete a task on schedule, or what your excuse is for making a mistake. Powerful people just do what they have to do, correct any bad products, and apologize for wronging someone. This is what separates average athletes from the elite. Elite athletes simply get the job done. No one wants excuses, and whenever you offer an excuse, it takes the power out of your apology. 28

The Game of Your Life 6. Accept responsibility. The person who accepts responsibility for a problem will get it solved. I am not referring to personal responsibility, but rather full responsibility for the situation. Become the parent of that problem and be willing to stick with the problem until it is fully resolved. Sometimes those problems go away quickly and sometimes they take longer, but the key is responsibility. For example, consultants come in, take responsibility, and fix a broken business. They take it on, analyze it, fix it, and then give it back. My wife was an auditor for years, and she would go in, find the problems, find the outpoints, and then provide solutions. She single handedly took a $25 million company out of bankruptcy in one year because of the amount of responsibility she was willing to take on. She literally took that company’s game from a losing season to the Super Bowl. That is what great coaches do. They take full responsibility for their team and “make the win.” 7. Be decisive: don’t waste time. Problem solvers view time as a precious commodity and don’t feel the need to take a vote on every topic or issue. Some problems may require gathering information to make a decision. Good problem solvers collect data, analyze the information, make a decision, and take responsibility for that decision. In baseball, you may only get three pitches. You cannot just wait around for another. You may not get another chance. Be decisive. If you are wishy-washy, you will tend to blame someone else and not take responsibility. 8. Be willing to fail. All great leaders and successful people have failed at some point in their lives. If you are not willing to fail, you will never succeed because you will never put yourself in a position to succeed. Michael Jordan was the top basketball scorer in history, 29

Rex S. Gibson but how many baskets did he miss? Babe Ruth holds the record for home runs, but he also ranks 94th in career strike outs! If you want to be great you have to try, and with trying comes occasional failure. With every failure comes a little lesson that you can learn from the next time. You must be willing to fail so you can see these lessons. There are very few things in life that can’t be recouped or fixed. Making a bad decision is like taking a wrong turn: just back up and get on the right path.

“Every great man, every successful man, no matter what the field of endeavor, has known the magic that lies in these words: every adversity has the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.” – W. Clement Stone Why do people give up when they have problems? People give up when they become overwhelmed. The confusion of the situation becomes too great for them to handle and they simply shut down to attempt to protect themselves. When you are not armed with defenses, you become an easy victim, and are easily overwhelmed in one fell swoop, much like when America overwhelmed Japan in WWII with the atom bomb, but overwhelming a victim can be a slow and insidious process. Over time, each attack weakens the victim and leads ultimately to a total overthrow. This is exemplified by a boxing champion. The champ seems unfazed early on in his career, but later; multiple blows to the head and body accumulate, leaving the champ vulnerable to losing his title.

30

The Game of Your Life

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” – Albert Ellis Problems can overwhelm people just like any other force. They can come in a large, devastating form like the crash of the stock market, the loss of a loved one, or a natural disaster. They can also accumulate over time, like president Clinton’s multiple affairs, evading taxes over the years, or excessive drinking. Either way, problems eventually weigh down your attitude and slow your performance. Here are some simple steps to follow when you start feeling overwhelmed 1. Reduce confusion. Research and find accurate information that allows you to create a workable plan to solve a problem. Also, clear up anything that you don’t understand about a situation. With these two things accomplished, you have a platform from which to launch a program to solve any situations that you may be facing. 2. Shed the weight and clean up the clutter. As we said before, small problems can accumulate and eventually become large problems. Assess your situation, and solve any small problems that confront you. Handle each one in a prioritized manner from most urgent to least. Be decisive and act with confidence.

31

Rex S. Gibson 3. Do not allow further accumulation of clutter. Simply handle obstacles and barriers as they come up. Do not procrastinate. Keep your runway clear for takeoff, because if you need to scramble the jets, you don’t want to waste time cleaning junk off the tarmac. 4. Win. Unfortunately, there are winners and losers in life. Losers are overwhelmed; winners overcome barriers and obstacles to eventual victory. This is not to say that you will win every battle; just don’t lose because you gave up. Never go out without a fight. Go down in flames of glory.

Even though we don’t want problems, we must have them to survive. One final note on problems: problems are part of the game of life. What I mean is, if you got rid of all of your problems, you would not have a game left to play. Games are made up of rules, obstacles, and goals. The problems of life are our obstacles. WE NEED PROBLEMS!!! They are puzzles for us to figure out, so have fun with them. Play with your problems like a cat plays with a ball of yarn. The point of this chapter is not to get rid of all your problems; it is to help you deal with them effectively so they do not create obstacles in your life.

32

The Game of Your Life

CHAPTER 3 LIVING IN THE PAST: THE GAME WE LOST, BUT CAN’T SEEM TO LET GO OF Reliving past failures is the biggest mistake humans make. We continue to judge ourselves based on what happened in the past. We tie these past failures—this garbage—to ourselves and drag it around like a ball and chain, and then when we are called upon to make a decision, instead of looking at the relevant data of the current situation, we look at our ball and chain for the answer. It is this method of decision making that holds people back. Now, I’m willing to bet that each one of you is saying, “I don’t do that!” That, too, is garbage. We all do it. I’m not saying this to berate you—I am just stating facts. Every athlete, whether playing pee-wee baseball, high school basketball, college football, or professional golf, has encountered this. It can make or break that athlete. What golfer hasn’t stood over a two foot putt, a gimme by any means, and had something in the back of his head say “don’t miss that…you’re going to miss that….miss it”? It is like hearing the guy in the stands saying, “hey batter, batter, batter…swing batter,” and you swing at a horrible pitch. Great athletes find a way to break through, drop the garbage off at the curb, and move on to victory lane. 33

Rex S. Gibson In The New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, the author explains that we have an ego, which is you, the pure you, your spirit. We also possess what he calls a “pain body.” L. Ron Hubbard also describes these two concepts in his book Dianetics: Modern Science of Mental Health as the analytical mind and the reactive mind. Others have described it as “the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other.” It doesn’t really matter what you call it, the result is the same. When we hurt ourselves physically (like breaking a leg) or mentally (like failing at something), it leaves a scar, whether physical or mental. Knowing that we like being right and do not like being hurt, we simply lump all painful experiences into the same category and avoid them. When we draw on these past painful experiences we make bad decisions that prevent us from expanding into new horizons and trying new endeavors. It is a safety mechanism used to protect us from our past bad decisions by keeping history from repeating itself. It is animalistic…it is designed for self preservation. The problem is that it can lead to irrational behavior or poor decision making. Avoiding making the same mistakes repeatedly is a useful tool. I believe Einstein said, “The definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” I do not want you to repeat the poor decisions of your past, but I don’t want the past to keep you from reaching for higher aspirations. This protective mechanism is like the low oil indicator light on the dash of your car. The difference is that the human “low oil light” turns on even when the oil isn’t low: it could turn on when it is close to low, or if it thinks it might get low. The difference is that the car is using real data, and your indicator is using emotional data. 34

The Game of Your Life People, because we like to be right, try to make good decisions based on good information. The best decisions come from taking the most current data and formulating the most pro-survival answer for yourself and others around you, but unfortunately, your protective mechanism doesn’t do that. Let’s take, for example, the housing boom of the early 2000s. Many people bought, built, and sold multiple houses while the prices of houses were increasing by double digits each year. That was a good decision based on good data. Then came the housing crash of 2006-2007. The downturn in the housing market came quickly and caught many people off guard. It created grave financial troubles for our entire economy. Now, if you were one of those caught off guard, the protective mechanism of the ball and chain would tell you, “You made a big mistake. You are stupid. You should never invest in real estate again.” If you were to analyze the situation, however, you would find that the decisions you made about real estate investment were sound, and made with the best and most current information you had available. Never investing in real estate after the housing market crash of 2006-2007 is like saying you will never walk near an orange tree because one time many years ago you walked by one and an orange dropped on your head, or that you should never eat food from a restaurant because one time it made you sick. Reliving old failures fogs up your perception of the wonderful possibilities in the present moment. Say, for example, a top downhill skier has an terrible crash in the Super-G, resulting in knee joint blowouts, a fractured pelvis, a dislocated left shoulder and three broken ribs. After the body heals, the racer is left with the memory of the crash, the pain of the injuries and the agony of the recovery. It would be understandable for the racer to simply retire. His instinct says that if he were to race again, he would get hurt again. He may even go to 35

Rex S. Gibson the extent of never getting on skis again. The event may have left him with such a mental scar that fear now pervades his every thought about skiing. Any analytically thinking person would know that one accident does not mean you will have more, but it is the power of reliving past failures that gives the previous incident control over you. You use all your past information to help you cope with the present moment because you want to stay safe, but the real effect is that this action creates obstacles in your life.

“Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.” – Dorothy Thompson

36

The Game of Your Life

CHAPTER 4 JUSTIFICATION: NO MATTER WHAT THE EXCUSE, YOU STILL LOST THE GAME Why did you fail? Just ask and people will give all sorts of reasons. Many of these reasons point to people and factors other than the person answering the question. These are called justifications. Justifications explain away failures and mistakes. No one likes to be wrong, and people will go to great lengths to make themselves right despite any actual failure or wrongness. They will give all manner of reasons why something did not get accomplished, and they will blame someone else for their failure, or better yet, they will blame an animal or an inanimate object for the failure. People spend an absurd amount of time and energy giving wimpy, Why I didn’t do this, or Why I didn’t finish that speeches. Excuses and justifications are protective coping mechanisms used to convince ourselves that we are right and there must have been some outside force that kept us from reaching our goals. In reality, nothing could be farther from the truth. The truth is that you could have finished the task, but you allowed some other element to deter you from your goal. 37

Rex S. Gibson Just like any other form of brainwashing, if you hear something enough, you will begin to believe it. Individuals tell themselves and possibly other people why they failed, and as they do this, the lies gain momentum and power. Finally, after hearing these false truths enough times, they begin to feel okay about not accomplishing their goals. In the end, not only do the individuals feel okay about the failure, but they may even create other justifications as to why they shouldn’t attempt that task again later. Justification, excuses, and blaming others are irresponsible behaviors. The truth is, anything can be accomplished if the correct strategy is taken in combination with some good old fashioned hard work. Nothing in life that is worth having is easy to obtain. I want to tell you a story that is very special to me. It is a story from which I have found much inspiration and hold very close to my heart. Here is a true success story about a man named Richard. I know this man very well, and he told me this story many years ago. It touched me and has helped me during times when I felt I could not muster the chutzpah to drive forward. Richard’s father died in WWII when he was a child. His mother remarried an abusive alcoholic who lacked the motivation to keep a steady job and was in and out of jail. When Richard was about thirteen years old, his stepfather got out of jail and decided to move the family to California. Richard stood his ground and refused to move away from his hometown with an abusive, alcoholic stepfather. A few years later, his mother died in a house fire and his guilt stricken stepfather committed suicide. Richard had lost not only his own father, but his mother and stepfather by his fifteenth birthday. 38

The Game of Your Life Although this story is sad, I didn’t tell it so you would feel sympathy for Richard. I told you this as the beginning of a great success story. With all the drama and trauma that Richard endured throughout his childhood, he could have easily blamed others for his circumstances and taken a life path that would have led to crime, alcoholism, and possibly his demise. This is not what happened.

“You can’t hit a home run unless you step up to the plate. You can’t catch a fish unless you put your line in the water. You can’t reach your goals if you don’t try.” – Kathy Seligman Richard worked on oil rigs as a teenager, and eventually put himself through college, had a family, and owned his own company. This is the American dream, but is also a story of hard work and perseverance. I wouldn’t be telling you this story if Richard had blamed everyone else for his life circumstances and made excuses about why he never made anything of his life. I tear up every time I tell this story. Whenever I start to feel sorry for myself and want to throw in the towel, I think back to Richard and all that he overcame to win the game of life. This man has been pivotal in so much of my life. He has been my motivation and my inspiration—he was even my best man when I got married. When I think that times are tough, I simply remember the story of Richard Gibson and say, “Thanks, Dad. You are my hero!” If you know you are sidestepping success by convincing yourself it can’t be done, at some point you are going to have to face the music. You must face yourself and realize that all the excuses you have made about why it 39

Rex S. Gibson can’t be done are nothing more than excuses you invented. As the saying goes, no one will take care of your business like you. This holds true for your life. Only you are going to make your life a success, and only you can push past the excuses and justifications of your own failures.

“It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities.” – Josiah Charles Stamp It takes energy to explain away your failures. If you spent as much energy finding solutions to your circumstances, you will not only create a solution, you will also not have wasted any additional energy with excuses. Stay away from justifications and excuses. It comes down to personal integrity and ethics: take full and personal responsibility for all failures. No one cares about why you didn’t get the job done. Your excuses are only to make yourself feel better about your own failure. Make yourself great by succeeding. Evaluate the aspects which may have contributed toward the failure, eliminate those aspects, and redirect your energy toward success! You need to change your attitude from “Who can I blame?” to “How do I get this done?” Once you do this, you will begin to empower yourself and you will become much more successful. This will make you stronger, faster, and better, but only you can do it. Take charge of your own life. Begin to create, take responsibility, and live from your own truth. Be a leader among your fellow men and women; donate what you learn so others can win too.

40

The Game of Your Life

CHAPTER 5 BAD DATA: PLAYING TENNIS WITH A BASEBALL BAT Opinions Are a Dime a Dozen There are people who specialize in stopping others from succeeding. I don’t mean that people are literally employed to stop other people from achieving their goals, but it sometimes feels that way. At times, you will undoubtedly be surrounded by naysayers and dream killers. There’s no way to know for certain why some people are like that, but it is often because you make them come face to face with their own failures. Naysayers and dream killers are people who have experienced lots of failure in their lives, and because of that, they are bitter and resent people who succeed. Instead of working toward success in their own lives, they choose to spend their energy telling others why they can’t or shouldn’t reach for their goals. Let’s say that you have a dream to take an invention to market. Naysayers might tell you all the reasons that you should not embark on your endeavor. They will do their best to deter you from your dream. It might be because they had ideas for inventions but never followed through, or because they attempted to follow through and failed. If you were to 41

Rex S. Gibson succeed with your invention, it would be like rubbing salt into their wounds. Of course, that is not your intention, but that is how it would feel to the naysayers. Some of the greatest inventors faced the greatest ridicule. Many of the modern conveniences we have today were ideas that people laughed at. Inventions and things of great importance came out of throwing out old ideas and traditions. People used to agree that the earth was flat, and when Christopher Columbus first said it was round everyone said he was crazy! Sometimes the ideas that people hold as fundamental truths are the very ideas that are false and holding people back from success. As long as your goal is set and you are passionate about it, let no one detract you from your mission. Listen to yourself and ask, “What is the right thing to do for me?” Stop listening to people whose only mission is to tell you why you can’t achieve what you desire. There are, of course, times when others have valid input, and these fit into the category of constructive criticism. If they are trying to intercede and help you avoid pitfalls and move you closer to success, then listen and consider what they are saying.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt Finally, whether the person is a naysayer or is offering constructive criticism, evaluate the source of the information. Many times we take others’ opinions and make them our own without taking into account the source of that opinion. Poor sources come in the forms of, my 42

The Game of Your Life neighbor said, or the internet said, or my mom always did it this way. You need to learn to analyze the data and not allow bad information or opinions to be your downfall. When a fisherman casts out a net, he will catch fish but he will also bring in all the other junk from the lake. The smart fisherman will sift through the whole bounty, keep the fish, and throw back the junk. The foolish fisherman will keep everything that he drags in, regardless of its worth. Poor decision makers are like foolish fishermen—they cast out a net and bring in all types of random information that may or may not be beneficial in their decision-making process. When you don’t separate the fish from the trash, you end up going hungry because you’re filling your mind with junk. The smart, successful person is the one who takes the time to pick out all the junk, leaving only the good stuff, and making a decision based on the quality information. With all this being said, you should realize that it is going to take practice to interpret information accurately. To avoid making bad decisions based on poor data, ask yourself the following questions: 1. Is the source of the opinion a naysayer, or is he or she offering constructive criticism? 2. What is the source of this opinion and how did this person arrive at this opinion? 3. Is your situation the same or different from the person’s who is giving the advice? How so? 4. What do you believe to be the Truth? (Decide for yourself !) 43

Rex S. Gibson Opinions: everyone has them. Surround yourself with people who will offer you constructive criticism that is designed to increase your chances of success. In the end, you are capable of sifting through good and bad data. Follow the four steps above and you will be well on your way to becoming a better decision maker.

Intuition: Go With Your Gut Feeling “This is the nature of genius, to be able to grasp the knowable even when no one else recognizes that it is present.” – Deepak Chopra What if I do all the exercises you gave me and I STILL can’t make a decision? Not all decisions are made from perfect data. Even though it is important to use all data at hand to render the best possible solution, sometimes you are still missing information and the solution doesn’t seem clear. In cases like this, your intuition needs to be your guide. This means having faith in yourself and listening to what you believe is truth, regardless of what direction the data may point. When you are going through the decision-making process and you are sifting through the net to weed out the garbage and gather only the good information, remember to ask yourself how you feel about the information you have gathered. This is extremely important. The best decisions are the ones that combine good data that points to an obvious choice and that gut feeling that says, “You did the right thing.”

“Often you have to rely on intuition.” – Bill Gates 44

The Game of Your Life What is your heart telling you? What does your gut say? Write down the situation and all of its possible solutions. Through the process of elimination, cross off any solution that does not help get you closer to your goals. If you are left with two or three options at this point, pick one using your intuition. Decision making is not a democracy: good decisions are not based on a majority vote. We need to start learning to use our own minds. Learn to think for yourself—use your thoughts, not someone else’s. Use your gut and make a decision for your own life. The best decisions are always decisions that make you feel good. They fill you with a sense of overall peace. You become excited and energized, and you have an overwhelming feeling of BOOM get her done! You find yourself saying things, taking actions, and getting results instead of continuing with activities and conversations that will not move you closer to your goal.

“When I’ve heard all I need to make a decision, I don’t take a vote. I make a decision.” – Ronald Reagan

45

The Game of Your Life

CHAPTER 6 THE HEAD GAME: THE LOUDEST HECKLER At this point in the book, we have discussed surface level whys. Yes, you must use good data to make good decisions, drawing on past painful experiences can mislead you, and fears and problems hold us back. Now is it time to discuss the deepest parts of the mind. This chapter will answer many questions, but it might bring about even more. This chapter is about you—and I mean the real you. The spark that animates the body you run around in. Authors like Eckhart Tolle, Rhonda Byrne, Don Miguel Ruiz, L. Ron Hubbard, and many more have offered answers to the human mind and spirit. These writers were all pointing to the same fact. Some were much more clear and succinct than others. The terminology that I have seen used to define mind and spirit have been Ego / Pain Body, the Id / Ego / Super Ego, or the devil on one shoulder / angel on the other; every author is alluding to the same thing: there is an unknown, hidden, aberrant part of our mind that can take control of our thoughts and make us do the most irrational things. We will discuss spirituality in later chapters, but for now let us consider that there is a spiritual side to life. Let us consider that there are three parts to a person, a spirit, a mind, and a body. You are not your body or 47

Rex S. Gibson your mind, you have a body and you have a mind. If you allow me to point something out to you as you read this, you use the word my in front of referencing your mind and your body. We all do. Why? They are possessions. So what are you? You are the third thing, the spiritual being, which does not mean anything else than you are you. So it is inaccurate to say I have a spirit because you are one. This is one of the greatest simplicities of life that was too simple for the complicated sciences to see. Much like the law of gravity. Apples always fell and no one noticed that there was a fundamental principle at play called gravity. You are a spiritual being. Now do not get confused or feel weird, we all are spiritual beings. Again, so many other definitions of the word spirit exists that people are confused by the word. Let’s keep it simple because it is: it is defined as you, the one who is reading and comprehending this book, not your body or your mind.

Your Mind: A Help or a Hinderence? You have observed, as I have, that your mind can either aid you to think in rational terms and help you move ahead, OR it can hinder you with doubt, unwanted emotion, indecision, and the “mental debates” inside your head, that can often be mistaken for healthy thinking or “careful consideration” when they are really laced with fear.. There is a part of your mind that is very powerful, and can override your analytical thought process. It is the part of your mind where all painful experiences are stored. It reminds you of all your mistakes and failures. It is the part of the mind where FEAR lives. It is that little voice that talks to you and tells you, “You are going to fail. Be careful, remember what happened last time you did that.”

48

The Game of Your Life It is important to understand that we become fearful when we are threatened with loss, and if we made a mistake in our past, that memory tends to replay in the present. Therefore, when a situation closely resembles a previous painful experience, your past losses can override analytical thought and cause you to react in a manner which may not be appropriate or logical for the situation. We have all seen this happen to others. Here are a few examples to clarify: 1. You miss the game winning free throw. The team and fans are disappointed. Analytically, you have an 85% free throw average, but your confidence in your ability to come through in the clutch is shaken. Next time you are in the same situation, you know that you can make the basket, but the past losses kick in and go to work and prevents you from being the hero. 2. You dated a cheerleader and the relationship did not work out. Now, six years later, you will not date an ex-cheerleader, because the previous relationship with a cheerleader did not work out, so this won’t either. Even though the two cheerleaders are different people, those painful experiences left in your mind identify them as the same and responds the same way to both. 3. You fell and broke your leg while skiing. Now you don’t ever want to go skiing again because you don’t want to get hurt. Analytically, you realize that you can safely ski down the mountain, but when you attempt to go skiing, you cannot shake the thought of your broken leg.

49

Rex S. Gibson The real question is: how do I know if I am being logical and objective or fearful and controlled by my past losses? There are a few questions you can ask yourself in a fearful moment: 1. What emotion am I feeling right now? If it is fear or anger, you are probably not thinking logically or analytically. 2. Am I really in danger? If you are exaggerating the potential consequences, then write down two or three real consequences that could result from this situation. See if there is anything significant that could truly harm you. 3. Is the current situation similar to a past failure? If so, how? And how is it different? Dissect the current situation and find out why it is different, why you failed previously, and take corrective actions to avoid the previous result. 4. Have courage to act on logic. Do what is rational, logical, and analytical.

Truth Is Differentiation When you hang on to past losses, you will tend to see very few differences in situations. The present situation will seem so similar to the past situation that you will think you are heading for another mistakes causing yet another loss. “WE CAN’T HAVE THAT”, says the mind, so it overrides your ability to think rationally and see the differences in the current situation and the past situation which created the loss in the first place. When you maintain the ability to see both the similarities and differences in things, you will discover you can trust your judgment and decisions. 50

The Game of Your Life There is always a way to make something succeed, you just might have to put some energy into finding an alternate route. It takes courage not to react to the part of your mind that is telling you “You can’t,” or “You’re going to fail,” or “Be careful, you could get hurt.” At this point you may be asking yourself, “How am I supposed to overcome this dialogue of failure?” The above four questions can help in a pinch, but to really correct the part of your mind that inhibits you and all of its harmful effects, you will need help beyond what I can offer in this book. Books like The Secret and A New Earth have attempted to shed some light on what we are discussing in this chapter, but in order to truly understand the mind and to ensure that you can trust your mental clarity thus decision making, I highly suggest reading Dianetics: Modern Science of Mental Health by L. Ron Hubbard. This book offers in-depth insight into the mechanics of the mind and how to eliminate the parts that hold you back from a full and meaningful life.

51

2ND HALF OF THE GAME: HOW TO WIN THE BIG GAME

The Game of Your Life

CHAPTER 7 THE GAME OF LIFE: FIRST READ THE INSTRUCTIONS Games are fun: just ask any kid. As a child, everything is a game, from seeing how fast you can run up and down the stairs, to hide and seek, to learning math. As adults, we tend to shorten our scope regarding what we consider a game. We limit a “game” to monopoly, baseball, poker, etc. But what do GAMES have to do with Life? The answer: EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING There are a lot of similarities to life and games we have all played. The RULES of the game determine the accepted conduct for the game. It creates an understanding for all players as to what is legal and illegal in the game. It is the establishment of what we cannot do and what freedoms the players have in the pursuit of victory. The OBSTACLES in a game are the things that keep you from winning. It is the proverbial “go to jail card” or the “go back three spaces” spot on the game board. Obstacles are anything that gets in your way to a fast and easy victory. Finally, what would a game be without GOALS? How would you know when you have won the game? How would you know when the game is over? And what is the purpose of the game? The goal is the desired 55

Rex S. Gibson outcome. The goal is the event that, when reached, concludes the game. The goal is the purpose for playing the game. As we go through the 2nd half of the game, let’s remember that life has rules, obstacles, and goals, therefore, life IS a game! Can you remember someone telling you as a kid, “Life isn’t all fun and games”? Well, as a kid, it was. As we grow into adulthood, our games get more complicated, but nonetheless, they are still games. As adults, instead of buying houses to put on our monopoly property, we buy real houses on real property worth real money. The game hasn’t changed— your perspective on the game did. As adults, the real world can seem so serious: the consequences for our actions are more serious, and it doesn’t allow enough room to have fun. Because of this, we revert to our childhood visions of fun: games. Many of us look for outlets to play games. We need fun in our lives, so we join a coed softball team or play poker with some buddies on Friday night. If you allow yourself, you can make a game out of anything. Look around, life is full of games—just ask any kid. Use childlike eyes to recapture the fun of life. Play life like a game. Set goals, play by the rules, overcome obstacles, laugh, win or lose, but for goodness’ sake have fun! Life is no fun without games, so know the rules, overcome the barriers, and win the game of life.

What Are the Rules of Life? In order to win any game, the rules must be known and followed. Without rules, a game cannot commence, because everyone in the game

56

The Game of Your Life needs to be playing by the same rules. This keeps the game fair. There also need to be penalties for breaking the rules to keep the game fair and maintain the integrity of the game. Every game is slightly different, and you must read the directions to understand the rules thoroughly, but the basics stay the same: don’t cheat, don’t steal, treat others like you would like to be treated, be worthy of trust, do not murder, set a good example, etc. These are the same rules that most rational people use to guide them through the game of life. Although these basic rules are a good set of guidelines to follow, life is full of hundreds, if not thousands, of different sub-games. Each subgame presents its own unique set of circumstances and challenges. Each sub-game can have rules that are subtle or specific. In order to overcome those challenges, you must know the rules. First, you must seek out the rules. Do not assume you know the rules unless you have already played the same game. Ask what the rules are. Write them down if you must, but know them and follow them. Please understand, I’m not asking you to follow some of the rules and ignore others. I’m not suggesting that all rules are intelligent, or even based in logic, but they are still the rules. An example is driving 55 mph on two-lane highway. This is an antiquated law, written at a time when fuel was scarce and cars were inefficient and had fewer safety features. That does not change the fact that when the sign says “Maximum Speed Limit 55 mph,” it means you should not drive more than 55 mph on that stretch of highway. We will get into ethics in later chapters, but for now suffice it to say that personal ethics and following the rules is the only way to truly win the game of life. 57

Rex S. Gibson

Overcoming Obstacles Now we will discuss the barriers that keep us from reaching our goals. Between the beginning of a journey and the final destination, you will need to pass over, around, or through one or more obstacles or barriers. I bring this point up not to be negative, but to enlighten you about the fact that barriers, which can derail your path and lead to failure, loom around every corner. They are just waiting for you to make a mistake or lower your guard. In order to reach your goal, you must remain alert and vigilant, never allowing your attention to be pulled away from your goal. If you see someone who has achieved a high level of success, you are also seeing someone who has overcome many obstacles and adversities in her life. Throughout your journey, you will see some barriers coming, and others will seem to pop up out of nowhere. Whether the obstacle is known or unknown, you will need to navigate the waters to reach your goal. One of the sayings I live by is, “Plan for the worst and work toward the best.” When you take that attitude, you can be prepared for the unexpected, or at least be able to handle an unexpected situation that arises with confidence and skill. Just like Bear Grylls from the show “Man Versus Wild,” the more prepared you are for the unexpected; the easier it will be for you to overcome the barriers that oppose you. Each obstacle you come up against offers the opportunity to throw in the towel. That is the job of obstacles: to get you to give up. It is you against the barriers, mano-a-mano. My feelings on this subject run deep. In college, I wanted to get a tattoo, but not just any silly tattoo. I wanted it to have meaning. I wanted it to be something that inspired me when I saw it. In my research, I came 58

The Game of Your Life across a saying written in hieroglyphics. It is translated as, “He who desists after attack is the strengthener of the enemy’s heart.” Nothing rings more true. NEVER GIVE UP, BECAUSE IF YOU DO, YOU GIVE POWER TO YOUR OPPONENT. This slogan is with me all the time, imbedded in my skin. To this day, I draw power from it and use it daily. Too many people give up on their dreams because the obstacles have overwhelmed them. They set out on a journey with a goal in mind, but as soon as the going gets rough, they pack it in and decide to give up. In order to achieve a high level of success and maintain that level, you must build the proper emotional and mental capacity to perform your absolute best every single day. You must also have the mental fortitude to stay the course and not allow anything to stop you from reaching your goals. In other words, you must be seasoned for success. Success is not for the faint of heart. Success is a learned behavior, achieved through hard work, sweat, and—unfortunately sometimes—tears. The more you succeed, the more you will continue to succeed; success breeds success.

What Is Happiness? When are people the happiest? When they are winning. Happiness is achieved through success…through overcoming life’s obstacles and barriers while working toward your goals. Part of that formula is overcoming obstacles, fears, and barriers including the unseen obstacles that pop up unexpectedly. As discussed earlier, when you set a goal and move toward it, all manner of obstacles will present themselves. Some of these obstacles are predictable and some are not as obvious. Look at life’s little obstacles like the game Whac a Mole. As an obstacle pops its head up, you whack it and wait for the next one. When it shows up, you handle it and wait for the next one. If you play the game of life like 59

Rex S. Gibson a game of Whac a Mole, you will find that obstacle and barriers become their own sub-game. As you whack each mole, you get one step closer to winning the game.

“Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I’ll give you a man who will make history. Give me a man with no goals and I’ll give you a stock clerk.” – J. C. Penney

Basic Rule of Life: You Grow or You Die There is a law of nature that if you are not growing, you are dying. There is absolutely nothing in between. Take a look at nature: trees don’t stop reaching for the sun. Their whole lives they are moving up toward the sun, pushing themselves to get closer to that goal. As soon as the tree stops reaching for the sun, it begins its death. Human beings are the same. The day you stop growing as a person and looking for the next goal to attain is the day you stop growing and, hence, the day you begin the descent toward death. We see this happen when older people are deemed unable to care for themselves and placed in an adult care facility. This is not to say that adult care facilities are bad, but the reality is that the average stay at an adult care facility before the person passes is less than two years. Some would argue that the person had failing health, and that may be, but if you combine fragile health with the loss of the ability to attain new life goals, the person stops growing and begins dying. Growth is defined as expansion whether personally, emotionally, educationally, or spiritually. When you stop expanding, you begin to shrink. Think about a rock thrown up in the air. The rock goes up to 60

The Game of Your Life its maximum height, there is a moment that the rock stops going up, and at that moment the rock begins to descend. This is no different for humans. We are born, we have no choice but to grow and learn, and at some point when we reach adulthood, we either continue to grow or we begin our descent toward our ultimate demise. Expansion is the key to continued happiness, regardless of the circumstances around you. A person does not have to expand and grow like a rocket ship; a person just needs to continue moving forward, even if it is at a slow pace. Progress is progress! Remember, happiness comes through the PROCESS of overcoming life’s challenges while seeking to reach their goals.People can have happiness as long as they have further goals to attain. Once a person stops reaching for more, setting goals, and expanding as a person, happiness is a thing of the past. So, if you find yourself unhappy, realize that you must not have a game to play. Set a goal, define the obstacles to overcome, be happy, and grow, grow, grow!

Time Out: Taking a Break from the Game There is a misguided belief in our society that tells people to take a break, smell the roses, and retire early. The concept is well intentioned, but the people giving that advice don’t realize that retiring early could have detrimental side effects, and that being busy is really what creates happiness. I recommend and practice small breaks or vacations instead. A long weekend can do a lot to recharge your batteries. Sometimes a break can be something very simple. For example, I take mental vacations by going to motivational seminars. This may seem confusing to you, but what is the purpose of a vacation? To recharge, to get more energy, and to regenerate yourself so you can start looking for different 61

Rex S. Gibson ways to accomplish your goals. I get all of this energy and information from other motivational speakers. One of the biggest turning points in my life was when I finally decided it was okay for me to be busy. I decided that, not only was it okay, but it was a really good thing, and it made me happy. Once I stopped listening to people who wanted me to slow down and take a break and allowed myself to be busy, I started accomplishing so much more and, as a result, became happier and more satisfied with my life.

“Happiness is a matter of one’s most ordinary and everyday mode of consciousness being busy and lively and unconcerned with self.” – Iris Murdoch Do more, take on more, and continue to move toward your goals. I have no desire to retire at fifty—not even at sixty. I am not sure I will ever stop. I might play a different game, but I will never stop trying to achieve more and do as much as possible. The day you stop striving to reach that next level is the day you die. No truly successful people stop working. They continue setting new goals, strategizing ways to reach those goals, and working relentlessly to achieve those ends. They continue not because they have to, but because it makes them feel good. It gives them a sense of satisfaction and contentment. The drug of powerful people is goal attainment.

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals.” 62

– Sydney Smith

The Game of Your Life

CHAPTER 8 THE BEST GAME PLAN: EVERYONE WINS We have discussed many things up to this point, and if you absorbed even half of the concepts, you are well on your way to setting and attaining higher and better goals. There is one concept which can act as a decision lighthouse guiding you home to a place free of bad decisions. In order to understand this concept, we must establish some background information. People always align their efforts toward their goals. This is true of all people! The vast majority of people are working toward constructive / good goals, but there are the exceptions. The exceptions may not even realize that they are moving toward destruction, but outside observers can see it easily. The person who works toward destruction / failure has given up due to too many failures. So, those persons whose efforts seem to moving them in the path of destruction / failure ARE aligning their efforts toward their goals…their goal to fail.

So, you are aligning your efforts…IS IT

CONSTRUCTIVE or DESTRUCTIVE?

63

Rex S. Gibson

No person is an island. No person can exsist or succeed alone. Winning At Games In Life Quite simply the best decisions we all can make in life would consider the broadest parts of life or the greatest benefit to the greatest number of people and things. We will call this the GREATER GOOD for short. This is how you create the best of all possible scenarios. We do not live in a perfect world where the perfect choice is available to us. A perfect choice would be one that benefits all things and people involved. Here we have a question of percentages. What is the highest percentage of benefit to the most things the decision or activity touchs. Thus as we roll along through our life, we can commit to making our decisions along the line of the greater good. Those decisions would be respected by the most number of people and would prove out in time to be milestones toward our success. As discussed in the previous section, the best solution must incorporate the greatest good for the greatest number of people and things involved or influenced by your decision. A solution or decision can only be made based on information that is known at the time of the decision. This is why I suggest collecting as much information as possible regarding a particular situation before rendering a decision or selecting a path of action. 64

The Game of Your Life New information comes to light every day. With new information, you will invariably find that some of your best decisions were wrong. This tends to make you feel like you made mistakes. This is the wrong way to look at it. There may be new information today that you were not privy to when you made the decision, but that does not invalidate the previous decision. It simply means you need to create a new best solution and make the appropriate corrections. C’est la vie—that’s life. Life’s path, like a car going down the road, will require many corrections. Live today and make the best decisions based on all of today’s data.

Rule: Benefit the Most and Harm the Least! Best Solution is Based on All the Information Available at That Time

The 24-Hour Rule This pearl of wisdom has kept me from making bad decisions in moments of high emotion. Have you ever heard some gossip or received some information that infuriated you? These situations come up in life all the time, and when they do, you feel compelled to act or react immediately. The 24-hour rule can keep you from going off half cocked and regretting your actions later. Remember when we discussed the reactive mind and how it can make you act irrationally? There is a fail safe switch. Giving yourself some time to re-analyze and see THE DIFFERENCES in a situation can lead you back to a good decision. When a highly emotional situation comes up which seems to require an action to be taken, don’t do anything. Wait, collect all the data—good and bad—sift through the information, and formulate an initial decision. 65

Rex S. Gibson If the decision does not require immediate action, wait 24 hours to review the information and ensure that your initial decision is the correct choice for you. You will find that when the emotion dissipates, you can maintain your composure and use your reasoning mind to create the best solution. The more you train yourself to look for the truth in a situation, and give yourself time to process the information, the more high quality decisions you will make. The more this becomes a habit, the fewer regrets you will have. Although being decisive and making snap decisions is a desirable quality for successful people, rash decisions never created a winner.

Quick Guide to Good Decisions There are four questions you can ask yourself when making a decision. These four questions will help you decide whether the solution that you have come up with is the best possible solution: 1. Is there any relevant information that I can draw on from the past? 2. Is the solution created from all current information at hand as opposed to past presumptions or failures? 3. Does the solution create the most good for the majority of people and things involved or influenced, or the least harm to the majority of people and things involved or influenced by the solution? 4. Have I given myself ample time to allow any emotion to dissipate and therefore not affect my decision-making process?

66

The Game of Your Life

CHAPTER 9 PURPOSE: YOUR SECRET WEAPON FOR SUCCESS “This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.” – George Bernard Shaw To review, a game has rules, barriers, and goals, but why do we play the game at all? Why do we need a goal? The answer to these questions touches on the deepest, most basic need in humans: purpose. It is the why, the drive, and the reason for doing what you do. The purpose of having a goal is that it gives you a reason to keep playing the game of life. When you get down to the basics, it gives your life meaning, and it is necessary if you want to keep moving forward. If you’re not moving forward you might as well pack it in and accept mediocrity.

67

Rex S. Gibson The bigger the goal, the bigger the obstacles, and the bigger the reward; the main thing you have to focus on when you are moving forward through these obstacles is your why. Your why is the core reason or purpose that you have for reaching that goal. When you set a goal, ask yourself why you want to reach it. Keep asking why until your answer gives you goose bumps. When this happens, you have discovered your true why. For example, you may have a goal to earn a certain amount of money every month. Let’s say your goal is to earn $20k on a monthly basis. Now, ask yourself why you want to earn that amount of money. Why do you want to earn $20k monthly? Possibly because this will give you the house and the lifestyle you desire. Why do you want to have that particular lifestyle? Hmm, good question. You may want the house because of the large rooms and the open space. Well, why do you want the big rooms and the open space? Do you see my point here? You must keep asking yourself why you want to reach your particular goal. As you do this, your final answer will describe how reaching your goal will give you some type of feeling. Emotion is the fundamental impulse of the universe, and it motivates our every action. The more you are in touch with your why, the more emotionally attached you will be to your goal. I cannot stress enough how critical it is for you to define what you want. You must have a definite purpose and a definite plan for the attainment of that purpose. If your goal relates to business, how many people will it take to make your company as big as you want it to grow? Continue to ask yourself questions to gain more clarity. 68

The Game of Your Life

The Right Purpose—The Right Answer When it comes to your life and your purpose, there is no right or wrong answer. Purposes are as individual as snowflakes. What is right for you may not be right for me. Being a computer analyst might be your passion, while it will never be mine. This does not make it wrong. I loved cars when I was growing up, and still do. I loved anything with a motor. I look back on my life and I am pretty fortunate that my parents wanted me to have a good education, and even though I didn’t’ become an over the road trucker, or a NASCAR driver, I pursue my passion for cars in other ways. I have owned, modified and sold many, many cars. I have even had cars on the cover of Popular Hot Rodding. So, even though I didn’t use my passion for my occupation, I made sure my passion stayed in my life. The only wrong answer is not to follow your own path. The focus should not be on right or wrong so much as on choosing your own path instead of allowing someone else to define your purpose. When you find your purpose and set a goal that you are passionate about, nothing can stop you from attaining your dreams!

“All religions, arts, and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man’s life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence, and leading the individual toward freedom.” – Albert Einstein

69

The Game of Your Life

CHAPTER 10 REALITY: PLAY YOUR GAME AND PLAY TO WIN What Is Fake Real and What Is Really Real I once read that “Reality is what we all agree on”: the grass is green, race horses are fast, and rocket ships go into outer space. Actuality is what the individual perceives and holds to be true. It is a subjective thing. That isn’t to say that actuality is widely held truth. Christopher Columbus had to prove that the earth was round; he knew it was, but he had to prove it to the masses in order for his actuality to become other people’s reality. You must realize that what is actual for you, may not be actual for another person. Thus it is not a reality, by the definition above. Because of our varying life experiences, our perceptions can be quite different. Every person has lived a different life, with different circumstances, and different perceptions. As the saying goes, if you were to ask ten witnesses about the same accident, you would get ten different recollections of the situation. You should base your decisions on your own actuality. Another word for actuality is belief. Successful people believe that they are right. They know that their actuality is correct, even if there is no other solid 71

Rex S. Gibson evidence to prove it. Conviction of your own beliefs or actualities is what separates leaders from followers. How did Einstein come up with the theory of relativity? Did he agree with others? No. He used his own mind, followed what he knew to be true, and created his own actuality. Then his actuality was tested, continued to hold true, and it became reality for others. What is truth? Truth is only truth if you believe it to be true. In other words, something is true only if you find it to be true. The color red to someone else will never be the same as the color red you see through your own eyes. Have you ever heard a rumor about someone that you knew was untrue? This rumor could be widespread, but nevertheless, is false, no matter how many people spread the lie. Seek to know and live with the truth. Many times in life we are frightened because something is unknown to us; however, if you train yourself to see the truth in situations, it will take the fear out of life. For example, if you were to walk through a haunted house for the first time, when the ghosts, goblins, or demons jump out at you, it is scary. When you walk through the second time, however, you are expecting those things and you are ready for them, so it is no longer scary. You must analyze the information and make the best decision with the information you have at the time. This includes any information from past experiences. When you find your own truth and filter the lies from the data, you learn to disregard all the junk. You learn to see a situation for what it truly is. Your vision starts to become clear and things become less scary in your life. The more you continue to work on this and keep focused, the more 72

The Game of Your Life it becomes a fixed habit in your life. This takes practice and dedication, but it can help you advance your life to a higher and richer level. The more defined your truth becomes and the more it is incorporated with integrity, ethics, and your morals, the stronger you become and the less intimidating life will be. Fear blinds truth. People look away from things they fear, so any situation that contains fear must be viewed and evaluated for the actuality in it. A dark alley can be a scary place, but once that alley is flooded with light, it no longer has the same effect. If you do not face your fears and illuminate them with truth, you will be doomed to repeat history and be haunted by past failures. I’m not saying that looking at your fears is easy, just that it is necessary. The hardest part about facing your fears is finding the truth. The truth is not always pretty, but it is true. Once you have faced fear and seen truth with conviction and courage, you will find yourself swelling with power you never thought you had. It is this power that magnifies your chances of expanding and achieving all of your goals.

“Fear can’t hold a candle to unswerving faith, much less muster up the guts to even attempt to blow it out.” – B. G. Jett

73

The Game of Your Life

CHAPTER 11 LUCK: CREATE IT, DON’T RELY ON IT “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” – Thomas Jefferson You hear it every day: “He’s so lucky to live in that house,” or “She’s so lucky to have that job.” Luck can be defined as good fortune that came to someone without his or her own doing. When most people speak of luck, they are usually speaking of good luck. According to the definition above, people are helpless victims of their own lives rather than being active players who control the outcome of the game. Luck is actually a product of hard work combined with a good strategy and the correct amount of effort directed in the proper places to achieve a certain outcome. Derek Jeter is a top baseball player and has remarkable natural talent, but he would not be as great as he is without taking batting practice every day. Top athletes know that there is very little luck involved in their successes. It is a matter of being prepared and creating a foundation of basics that create success. Keeping this in mind, an individual can either choose to cause things to happen, or be 75

Rex S. Gibson affected by what life hands him. If a person chooses to create things and make things happen, then that person is choosing to be an author of their life’s events. He/she is literally writing the script to life. In order to be an AUTHOR OF LIFE, an individual must shun the idea of luck and believe adamantly that all things can be accomplished if one puts forth the correct effort in the desired direction. A person who chooses to be the effect of things around them, clings to the belief that he or she is not in control of destiny and, regardless of hard work will never truly reach his or her goals.

If It Isn’t Luck, What Is It? For those of you reading this book who like the idea of being the author of your life rather than someone who was cast into the situation, I suggest you replace the word “luck” with POSITIVE DECISION. And what does POSITIVE DECISION have to do with luck? The answer lies in a person’s viewpoint. If you believe that you are in control of your life and have the ability to steer or influence life’s outcomes, then all you have to do is decide that the particular situation be that way. Events in our lives happen and we wonder why and how they happened. The reality is that nothing ever happens without us putting the event into motion. The real question is, did you make those things happen or did they just magically happen? I suggest that you create your fortune by manifesting your own luck. WILL events by asking them to be, demanding they be a certain way, and decide they take a certain form. This is more than the power of positive thinking. When you decide and stick to your decision, you make the future; you bring the event into existence. For example, no one has become a successful movie star or singer without going to auditions and taking singing or acting classes. Sure, you sometimes hear those, “I was sitting at the bar and was discovered!” stories, but the 76

The Game of Your Life person telling the story likely left out the endless rejections and broken deals that came before being “discovered.” That actor or singer was not lucky—he or she had a goal, continued to intend that the goal would be reached, and was rewarded with being “discovered.”

“I’ve found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more chances. Be more active. Show up more often.” – Brian Tracy You may have heard that life isn’t fair…well, it’s not. We are not all created equal. Some people have attributes that give them advantages over other people. In order to offset these so called disadvantages, you need to create your own circumstances for success. Nothing happens by luck alone; we must be active players in making what we want happen. Even the person who wins the lottery bought a lottery ticket. So where do we fit in on this spectrum of luck vs. POSITIVE DECISION? Do we cause it, or do we just get lucky? If you want to be luckier, then you ought to decide that more things will happen to increase your chances of getting lucky.

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” – Seneca People make things happen or work to put themselves into desirable situations where the chances of their success happening is so high that they usually expect it to happen. When you think about the thing that you want, you begin to move in a direction that brings you closer to it. 77

Rex S. Gibson The more you think about your goals, the more momentum you create, which propels you toward your end destination or goal. By looking through the classifieds, you are much more likely to find a job than if you just cross your fingers and rub your rabbit’s foot, hoping “luck” will bring you a great new job.

It appears that the universe we live in, likes the decisive individual who shows commitment to the decision through follow up action.

How Do I USE THE POWER OF POSITIVE DECISION? Have you ever wished that a certain person would call you, and not a minute later your phone rings? Low and behold, when you pick up the phone, it is the very person you wanted to talk to calling. Coincidence? No, that’s the power of decision. Some might call it “the power of positive thinking,” or “mental visualization,” but here we are going to call it simply DECISION. To get what you want, create a picture of it in your mind, and make it as real as you possibly can. Focus on the color, feel, weight, size—any detail you can include to make the image more realistic will be beneficial. Create it just like an artist. Keep that mental picture of your creation and keep creating it, keep doing it. You should always be changing and improving the picture, making it even more real. Everyone’s mental images of what they want will be different, and that is why it is so important to give your mental image detail and specificity. Even people who want the same thing will have differing images. A woman wanting to get into shape might create the mental image of herself walking into a dinner party in a form-fitting little black dress. A man with the same goal of getting in shape might picture himself 78

The Game of Your Life throwing a Frisbee with his buddies on the beach, showing off his toned physique. You have to personalize your mental picture—make it your own. The most important aspect of POSITIVE DECISION is repetition. You can’t just think about what you want once and be done with it. Do it over and over and over again, day in and day out. Picture your goal as often as you can. The more you visualize what you want, the closer you will move to that picture. The more the image is present, the more real it becomes. You literally think it into existence.

How Do I Become The Author Of My Life? Let us take a quick look at being an author of a book. Take this book for example. I wrote this book. I didn’t let someone else write the book and I just agreed to it. I didn’t sit on the sidelines while someone else wrote down a bunch of thoughts about life and then signed my name to it. I WROTE THE BOOK. Yes I have editors and people who help me with formatting and publishing, but I created the words…I wrote the manuscript. I created the time in my life and took responsibility and said, “I’ve got something to say and I think it could help people…I am going to write a book!” In order to be an author, you have to take full responsibility. Now Life is a little larger subject matter, so to author a life, an individual must come to grips with responsibility…for their life and for all circumstances, even when you don’t want to. If you allow anyone or anything to have any level of responsibility over your circumstances, you have given up your potential to be the author. We often engage in behaviors that limit our ability to be an author, such as surrendering, blaming others, defending mistakes, or evading responsibility. These actions put you in a position where you are no longer the author; you are instead one of the characters in the story. A hockey goalie may see the great Wayne Gretzky coming toward him and feel inferior to his massive 79

Rex S. Gibson slap shot. In that split second, he decides the outcome. He has already decided that he will lose. He has already decided on the excuse that he will use when his team loses. This way of thinking makes the man a victim to the circustances, not the author of the situation he wants to have happen. He is allowing circumstances to dictate his future instead of being the master of his own fate. Alternatively, he can choose to have the attitude that “No one can score on me. I am the best goalie in the world!” This is being a master of fate. Being an author of life is all about responsibility. Your level of control is in direct proportion to the level of responsibility you take for life. Many people don’t understand that concept. They think everything is somebody else’s fault and do not take responsibility for the situations in their own lives. This is not to say that bad things never happen. Unfortunate events happen all the time, but the things that happen are not as important as how the individual reacts to those events. What you do and how you think following a setback is crucial to whether or not you will be the cause over your life circumstances. If you lose your job, will you sit and wallow and blame someone else for firing you? Or will you choose to hold your head high and find a great new job? In the world today, many people are falling into the trap of being an innocent bystander to their own affairs, blaming their situation on the economy, a bad boss, or the ever-popular “bad luck.” In reality there are many people who are keeping their jobs, maintaining great marriages, and experiencing great success. It is these people who continue to be the author in their lives, no matter what their environment throws at them.

“Luck is tenacity of purpose.” – Elbert Hubbard 80

The Game of Your Life

Don’t Play the Victim Sometimes things will happen that are just bigger than a single “you” or “I.” We choose how much we allow these things to affect us. If we simply turned off our televisions and ignored new reports when the media started smearing the economic downturn in our faces, the recent financial crisis could have been avoided. If we had all looked at ourselves as masters of our fate, as being fully responsible for our own lives, we would not have let these reports influence us. The reality is, the media won, and people went into panic mode and stopped spending and investing. Results are a matter of how we handle ourselves in the situation and what we do to get ourselves out of that situation. If my business is not performing well, I act to find a solution and find a new way to overcome those obstacles. I believe the Marine Corp. Motto states it best: Adapt and overcome! I do not blame the economy for affecting my practice because I don’t want to live my life as a victim. I don’t let the situation defeat me; I find a way to make it work. It is hard to look in the mirror and call ourselves out on playing the victim. It can be very hard to overcome the barriers of life. One thing that all successful people have in common is that when the going got tough, they rolled up their sleeves and did whatever needed to be done to make things happen the way they wanted. People told Henry Ford he could never make an affordable automobile, and what did he do? He made not just one affordable car, but millions of them. His creation, the Model T, was the most successful car ever made. He did not let people’s negative opinions affect him. He assumed responsibility for making his dream a reality. He authored his dream of making an affordable car 81

Rex S. Gibson for every American, and he made it reality. In the process, Ford also invented the assembly line, a process nearly every factory utilizes today. He found a better way to do things. He was “lucky,” as we say, but his success was entirely under his control. He tackled the problem head on; he did not become an effect of it, but rather, solved it. He made it happen. In high school, someone once said I was the luckiest guy he knew. This perplexed me, because I didn’t come from a wealthy family and I wasn’t particularly smart. I just worked hard, surrounded myself with good people, and worked toward my dreams. What my friend didn’t realize was it wasn’t luck that brought me the great things I had—I brought them to myself. I used the resources I had to create the things I wanted. I wasn’t unique or lucky; I simply positioned myself to increase my chances of success. It is the same for the success stories we hear about people who come from situations like extreme poverty and rise to become business executives. They in turn raise their kids to become successful, and the cycle continues. Those people did not get where they are because of luck; they just kept pushing themselves closer and closer to their goals and never gave up on them.

Why Do People Believe in Luck? People want to believe in the mysterious and the magical. It is in our nature to live in a whimsical fantasyland where anything we wish will immediately come to fruition. It appeals to our human emotions. That is the reason fiction and romance novels are so successful. Luck does not exist in reality; we make things happen. The person who wants luck would do well in a socialist society. These people want to be taken care of. They want things to be given to them. They think they need someone to take care of them and tell them what to do, no matter how old they 82

The Game of Your Life are. Few people blossom or succeed highly in socialist societies. They don’t thrive. Socialist societies have fallen. Russia, all the eastern block countries, eventually failed because they did not have the desire to move forward and do more. Without the opportunity to further themselves, people lose the willingness to do much of anything. It is like running in a hamster wheel: people may run for a little while, but once they realize they’re staying in the same place, they’ll stop moving.

“Shallow men believe in luck; wise and strong men in cause and effect.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Three Steps to Creating “Luck” There are three basic steps you need to take to create your own luck. Sometimes, these steps happen quickly; other times, they can take much longer. It depends on the situation. Like Derek Jeter, like Tiger Woods, like Michael Jordan, be the elite athlete and follow these three simple steps to victory and success. Just like a tachometer on a racecar revs up, you can rev up your luck by implementing the RPM Method.

R:  Responsibility P:  Positive  Decision   M:  Massive  Action 83

Rex S. Gibson Step 1: Responsibility. Take full responsibility for all situations in life. Never place blame at anyone or anything else’s doorstep. Step 2: Positive Decision. Create your future by seeing it in bright, vivid mental pictures. Step 3: Massive Action. Get moving. Work with relentless effort toward your goals. The future will not wait for you to get off the couch. It is coming. You had better be prepared for its arrival. Take big game hunting as a sport. Taking responsibility puts me in the hunter’s position: the creator of things to come. When the animal is in my sights and I take aim, I am already postulating the animal going down. Then as I take action and pull the trigger, I make my goal become reality. If I miss the animal I am aiming at, I could blame it on the environment and say the wind caused by bullet to stray off course, but that would put me in a victim’s position, and in hunting, that is a very dangerous place to be. Anytime I hear someone blame their lack of success on someone or something else, I know right away they are being an Effect and are not taking responsibility for the situation. Full responsibility no matter what happens is not a position that most people want to take—it is actually a very difficult position to assume, but it is an absolute necessity if you are going to make anything happen. is not a position that most people take—it is actually a very difficult position to assume, but it is an absolute necessity if you are going to make anything happen.

84

The Game of Your Life

CHAPTER 12 ETHICS: GUARANTEED PERSONAL VICTORY Take calculated risks in life, but take them based on integrity, ethics, and morals. Without a strong ethical or moral code, doing the right thing may never occur to you. Ethics is defined as right versus wrong. Morals are defined as a society’s agreed upon rules and laws. Integrity is defined as not violating your own personal ethics and morals. When you hold true to ethics and morals, and your decision is based in integrity, you own your actions and you will be in charge of your own destiny. Successful people maintain good ethics, morals, and personal integrity, regardless of circumstance. These values are not values of convenience—they are the mark of a leader, and you must become a leader to become truly successful. Hold true to core values and be willing to fail. Success can only be had in the face of potential failure, and if you do not put yourself in a position to fail, you cannot have success. By definition, success is winning, and you cannot win if there is nothing to overcome.

85

Rex S. Gibson There is a huge difference between leaders and followers. Success, leadership, and power are desired by the masses, yet understood by only a select few. Not everyone can be a leader. It is up to you to decide which lifestyle is in harmony with your life and goals. The people who pick up books like this, read them, then apply the lessons into their daily lives and are willing to learn new principles in life are the leaders of this world.

Intentions: Good Versus Bad Any time you experience troubles in your life or your business, you have to ask yourself, “Are my actions fulfilling my purpose?” If they are, keep moving forward. If they are not, you must analyze your true intentions and alter your actions accordingly. Check your intentions as well as others’ intentions on a regular basis. This will not only help you identify the right people to work with, but it is also healthy for all relationships. For example, let’s say I am working hard all day and I want to come home to a peaceful and clean home, but when I get there, I notice the dishes piled in the sink. It might move me toward getting upset at my wife or someone else; however, before I react I must try to understand what her true intention was. I know she did not leave the dishes in the sink with the intention of making me upset—of course not! She might have been rushing out the door to help a family member with something or to make it to work on time, and she just did not have the chance to get to it. Now, instead of emotionally reacting, I can respond accordingly. After all, how many times have I left the dishes in the sink? 86

The Game of Your Life If you make it a habit to look for people’s bad intentions, you are barking up the wrong tree. People are generally good. Sure, there are some bad apples, but for the most part people have good intentions. We all make mistakes along the way, but when you realize people generally have good intentions; you can look past a lot of petty issues and spend less time being aggravated by others. The only person in control of your actions is you. When you surrender control over your emotions to another person or circumstance, you have surrendered your leadership. A great example of tolerance, calmness, and understanding occurred when my son and I were at the local supermarket picking up some food. I am losing my hair, and my son pointed out a guy who was bald and blurted out, as kids sometimes do, “Hey Daddy, he is losing his hair too, and he has none left!” The individual my son was speaking of could have gotten really upset because it was a slightly embarrassing situation for him, but he took his experience and realized my son meant no harm, and he didn’t get upset at all. I admire people who embrace this way of life.

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” – Helen Keller

87

The Game of Your Life

CHAPTER 13 CONFIDENCE AND COURAGE: YOUR TWO GREATEST TEAMMATES “People who ask confidently get more than those who are hesitant and uncertain. When you’ve figured out what you want to ask for, do it with certainty, boldness and confidence.” – Jack Canfield Confidence and courage may be vastly different, but in the end, they are both equally necessary to lead a rich and fulfilling life, one that is full of risks taken, goals achieved, and dreams fulfilled. It is possible to have all of the confidence in the world, but not have the courage to act. Likewise, it is possible to have courage without any confidence in your own ability. One without the other will help you achieve some of your goals in the short term, but this success cannot be sustained over an extended period of time. Both are needed to prevent boredom, foster growth, and create balance in your life. It is important to examine both of these ideas in greater detail.

89

Rex S. Gibson Confidence can be defined as knowing that you have the required skills and abilities to complete a certain task successfully. For example, a professional surfer will have no problem jumping into the ocean waters and catching a huge wave. He knows that he has the required skills to make it from point A to point B without drowning in the process. Courage can be defined as taking a leap of faith in the face of uncertainty and attempting a task without any certainty as to its outcome. Saying, “I love you” for the first time to a romantic interest is something that takes an enormous amount of courage. There is no guarantee that you will hear the answer you expect, no matter how many times you may have been in the same situation in the past. Confidence is a state of being, while courage may come in surges when we need it the most. A courageous person may run into a burning building to save a child, but under regular circumstances, the same person would never attempt such a dangerous feat. On the other hand, a confident person may still engage in the same risky behavior, but with the knowledge that he or she has the skills to come out on top. A firefighter has the skills to run into a burning building to save a child, and he knows that he possesses the skills not only to save the child, but to get himself out safely as well. Instead of viewing his behavior as a gamble, he has the confidence to dive into every situation with the knowledge that he has the skills to succeed. In daily life, we rarely need adrenalin based courage to fulfill our duties and obligations, but we do need confidence. Let’s look at the concept of confidence in further detail. Confidence stems directly from competence. Competence is formulated from three ingredients: Education, Decision, and Reponsibility. First and foremost 90

The Game of Your Life you must educate yourself on or about a subject. Let’s take a chainsaw, for example. This can be an extremely dangerous tool without all the three ingredients to competence. If you don’t know how to start and stop it and how it reacts in different situations while using it, or what to wear for safety, operating a chainsaw could be an extremely dangerous undertaking. You must educate yourself about the tool, to know you are in control of it and safe from its’s danger. You must Decide that you are of stature and strength to be able to control the chainsaw, otherwise you could get injured. And finally, you must take Responsibility for the tool, which is to say that whatever happens while you are operating it is your action. This closes the door on become a victim the saw, the tree, the circumstances you are in. If you have all three elements, you will be able to use a chainsaw competently, and as you use the chainsaw over and over again with competence, you will obtain confidence in your ability to safely operate the tool. When you are faced with not knowing how to do something, isolate what you don’t know and correct it! Without competence, there is no confidence!

Ingredients for Competence: 1. Education 2. Decision 3. Responsibility

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” – Unknown You must have all three elements to be competent and confident. If you are lacking confidence in any task, one or more of the three ingredients 91

Rex S. Gibson to competence will be absent or misunderstood. When you are faced with not knowing how to do something, find which element is absent or misunderstood and correct it! When you know you have all three elements, you will gain confidence that you can complete the task or project with competence. Without competence, there is no confidence!

When Courage and Confidence Meet Just because courage and confidence are different doesn’t mean they cannot work together. To review mistakes and pinpoint what you did wrong and how you can improve takes courage. To examine your life and understand why you don’t have the confidence to do something or revisit where a situation went wrong can be scary and embarrassing. It is easy to assume that everyone can read, but illiteracy abounds. As a society, we know this problem exists, but we look at it from a detached point of view, not really understanding its impact. For an illiterate person to admit that he can’t read would be a courageous act because of the stigma attached to it. The biggest person is one who can pinpoint his own mistakes and shortcomings, learn from them, and make the appropriate changes to better himself and others.

Simple Steps to Having the Courage to Fix Your Faults and Become More Confident 1. Admit when you need to improve on something. Only big people can admit to and acknowledge their own faults. 2. Choose to change your faults. Make a point to change your faults, or simply choose to gain more knowledge of a particular subject so you can have more confidence when dealing with that aspect of your life. 92

The Game of Your Life 3. Listen, learn, and absorb. The most successful people that I’ve ever met are good listeners. They absorb everything, since you never know when information may come in handy, and they learn from every experience to prevent repeating past failures. 4. Examine which ingredient is missing from the competence formula. Look at your failures without rose-colored glasses and figure out why you failed. Did you not have enough knowledge, and therefore act blindly without fully understanding the situation? Did you not have enough personal control over the situation, and allow other elements to influence the situation? Did you fail to assume the proper amount of responsibility, and therefore blame someone else for the failure? Find the missing link, correct it, and try again. 5. Be sure to check your sources. Knowledge is powerful, but you must make sure it comes from accurate and reputable sources so you can have the correct information to make the most informed choice possible. Hearsay is seldom accurate. We have all learned about “stock tips” given by other people. They are not trustworthy. It is the proverbial, “My neighbor said.” that often leads to a path of bad decisions. Your friends and neighbor’s intention can be good when offering advice or information, but their ability regarding verifying information can be faulty. This is not a question of trusting them as people, it is a question of their care and skill at sifting out facts. We have all passed along information without verifying the validity of the information in an effort to help. The bottom line is, you have to build your house on a solid foundation. It is your responsibility to ensure you have your facts correct that you base your decisions on.

93

Rex S. Gibson A common mistake can also be information from an unreliable source. For example, if you need help with your finances, do not ask your neighbor who is just as broke as you are. This is like asking your friend the mechanic to fix a broken pipe that is flooding your house. Make sure you are getting your information from a valid and competent source. Do they know what they are talking about? Do they have the kind of results you want? Where are they getting their information? These are all very important questions that need to be asked, otherwise you will only ever reach the level of knowledge that these people have. If you approached every area of your life this way, you would experience staggering success. The most successful people I know found the missing pieces to their problem or situation, learned what they needed to know, and then made the appropriate corrections to create success. This sounds like a simple thing to do, and it is, but it is not easy, and it will take a large amount of courage. The successful in life have the courage to know what they did not know or had the courage to face their shortcomings, and correct that BEFORE they acted. And thus their success was no accident.

Where Does Courage Come From? Sadly, there is no magic pill that we can take for courage; it simply comes out of necessity. When something absolutely needs to be done, you will find the courage to do it; however, what one person thinks is necessary differs from what another person may find necessary. For instance, if a dog falls into a river, you may not jump in, but if a baby falls in, there is no question that you would jump in to save the child. Successful people understand their own necessity levels and act out of 94

The Game of Your Life purpose rather than fear. The stronger the purpose for any given path, the more the necessity for action, and the greater the action required for you to muster courage to complete the task.

“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.” – W. Clement Stone There is no reward without risk. It takes courage to takes risks, and if you set lofty goals, it will take courage to rise to the occasion, raise your necessity level, and reach your goals. The point is: set lofty goals. The higher your necessity level is, and the more you must reach your goals, the less courage you will need to start a new task or embark on new goals.

Confidence in the Face of Adversity Far too many people in life give up too early. They lack the courage to fight adversity in order to complete the task.

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” – Dale Carnegie Look at how the United States put a man on the moon in four years. How many people had to hold that dream in their minds and unwaveringly 95

Rex S. Gibson move forward through the required steps for four straight years until completion? NASA had to design and build a spaceship, then figure out how they were going to get several men into that spaceship and onto the moon using a computer system that had less power than today’s cell phones. Getting a man on the moon is the result of strength of passion, determination, purpose, and courage. Don’t tell me that there is a problem out there that does not have a solution: it is a matter of your resolve to find the solution. Put an unwavering effort into finding the solution and implement it! Do you know how many people told NASA that it could not be done in four years, that it would never happen, or they were crazy for even trying? I’m sure that the people at NASA had moments where they thought, “Maybe they’re right…it can’t be done,” but their purpose was strong enough to keep them moving forward until they achieved success! The only thing standing between you and the life of your dreams is an absolute, unwavering decision to act with courage and complete the goal no matter what.

Intention Intention is defined as the will to do. Let’s take this concept just a step further. When I say intention, I mean what you truly mean to have happen. This idea works hand in hand with positive decisions. If you intend to have something happen, you are creating what you want. By placing intention into your actions, you create a sense of drive to the goal. It is the bullet shot straight at the target. I want to share a story about intention. I live on a small ranch with my wife and kids. We enjoy 96

The Game of Your Life the farm life and all that goes along with it. One year, I got 120 baby chickens to boost my egg production. I got them home and situated in a large horse watering trough with food, bedding, heat lamps and a watering container. I stood back and admired my brood. I then went inside to make lunch for myself and my two boys. About an hour later, I went to check on the day old baby chicks. As I stood over their tank, something told me to lift up the watering container. To my horror, a baby chick lay squashed under the two gallon watering container. As careful as I had been to ensure this didn’t happen, one chick managed not to get out of the way in time. I picked up its cold, lifeless body. I felt terrible that I was responsible for the death of an innocent baby chick. At first, I considered simply disposing of the chick, thinking, “that’s life on the farm.” At that moment, I had an overwhelming feeling. I was not going to let this little chick die. As I held this lifeless creature, something came over me and I placed my lips on its tiny beak and gave a few puffs. Yes, I gave a baby chick mouth to mouth. I kept doing this for five minutes. To my surprise, she started breathing, at first very shallow breaths, and over the next 20 minutes, she opened her eyes and was able to stand on her own. Within an hour, it was like nothing had happened. She had been stuck under a 10 pound watering can for an hour. It would be like having a car crushing your chest. I decided to name her Molly Brown, as in the unsinkable Molly 97

Rex S. Gibson Brown. To this day, I can still pick Molly out of the brood. I tell this story so you can understand the power of intention. It is the concept of making things happen at all costs. The mantra, “Failure is not an option,” is perfect for this situation. It takes a strong purpose and a lot of courage to overcome the adversity that life hands us. Go forward and breathe life back into your GAME.

Courage to Change Courage: why do some people have it while others don’t? I am not talking about courage in the form of heroism. The courage I am talking about is the courage to pursue your passion or purpose in the face of others who might judge you harshly. I am speaking of the type of courage it takes to maintain the dedication to follow the steps and make things happen. I am also talking about the courage to change. I am talking about having the courage to have a high level of personal integrity. Only with personal integrity can you be fully responsible for mistakes, able to correct and solve outpoints, and move on with life. Unsuccessful people blame others and find fault in everyone but themselves. Unsuccessful people have their fingers pointed in every direction but toward themselves. This is the greatest act of cowardice.

Say “YES!” to Life The movie Yes Man with Jim Carrey is a great lesson about finding the courage to get in the game. In the movie, Jim’s character, Carl, is persuaded by a former colleague to attend a “Yes!” motivational seminar where inspirational guru Terrence Bundley publicly browbeats him into making a covenant with himself. Carl reluctantly promises to stop being 98

The Game of Your Life a “No Man” and vows to answer, “Yes!” to every opportunity, request, or invitation that presents itself. From that point on, Carl says “Yes!” to all sorts of opportunities, and his life begins to turn around. He meets a new girlfriend, begins learning new languages, and starts flying lessons. His previous dull, sad life begins soaring for the stars. I am not saying that you should say “Yes!” to everything, but the point is that we need to open our minds to new opportunities. You never know what joy and fulfillment will be found when you say “Yes!” to life.

Action Steps for Courage and Confidence Here are some simple steps you can follow to make yourself more open to acting with courage and more willing to take action even in uncomfortable situations. 1. Say “YES!” to Life. Expand your horizons to new experiences. You never know what joys you may find. 2. Start with the basics. Educate yourself and get the knowledge you need to succeed. Be willing to admit what you do not know as the first step to organizing a plan on what knowledge to acquire. Ask yourself if you are willing to take full responsibility for all that happens good or bad. Decide to refuse to give up. Decide to find and correct anything that is causing your plans for success to go off track. These steps will make you competent. Repeated confidence breeds certainty. The more certainty you possess in your abilities, the less courage you will need. 3. Act with purpose. The more your actions align with your purpose, the less courage it takes to perform the task. 99

Rex S. Gibson 4. The first step. Remember, the most courageous step is the first step. Set lofty goals, raise your necessity level, and take the first step to achievement. 5. Carry out all tasks with integrity. In the process of achieving your goals, make sure that the actions you take have a positive impact on others, and that any harmful effects are minimal. 6. Always look for alternatives. Being courageous and foolhardy are two very different concepts. Take risks, but make sure they are worth it. If the risk is not worth the end result, look for an alternative way to reach your goal. 7. Don’t give up. Far too many people have the tendency to give up too early. All great inventions and achievements in history were attained by people who were persistent in their belief that their dreams would eventually become reality. As they say, necessity is the mother of invention. 8. Act with INTENTION. Create what you want by intending things to happen. Breathe life back into your purpose and make your dreams come true. 9. Create momentum and finish what you start. When I was in college, I went out and canvassed for a political movement for renewable wind and solar power. I did my homework and knew everything I could about renewable energy, but I was still nervous my first day out. The more I talked to people, and the more donations I received, the more confident I got. This built momentum, which helped me through the entire summer until school started up again.

100

The Game of Your Life

“Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.” – George Sheehan

101