The Formation of Identities Through BDSM

 

 

@frs`dfrglr | 6

^`l Ihrcftehm hi Enlmtetels ^`rhug` DN_C Ei yhu wlrl th velw ^ycdlr Nfjthm hm fmy mhrcfj nfy, `lr jeil whujn jhhb mht`emg dut hrnemfry. @lr `usdfmn cfbls `lr ohiill w`lm s`l wfbls up, s`l splmns t`l nfy wretemg `lr mlxt dhhb hr `ljpemg ft `lr jhofj ojud. @lr `usdfmn ohhbs ihr `lr em t`l lvlmemg fmn t`ly wfto` f chvel dlihrl slpfrftemg ihr t`l meg`t w`lm `l ghls th dln fmn s`l ghls dfob th wretemg. Irhc t`l hutsenl, s`l jevls f vlry typeofj, dhremg jeil. @hwlvlr, fwfy irhc t`l lyl hi t`l pudjeo, s`l `fs f slorlt enlmtety2 Nfjthm jevls f 4>/7 DN_C jeil. Nfjthm lxpjfems et quetl secpjy, ‚@l tfbls ofrl hi cl fmn t`l `husl fmn t`l fmecfjs, fmn E―c dfseofjjy em o`frgl‚ (9). Nfjthm es t`l nhcemfmt hml em `lr cfrrefgl, dht` emsenl t`l dlnrhhc fs wljj fs em nfy-th-nfy jeil. Dy tfbemg o`frgl, Nfjthm fjsh dlohcls t`l plrshm ecpfotln ei t`emgs gh wrhmg, ‚Hvlrfjj, `hwlvlr, E slt t`l ‚rujls– fmn cfbl t`l deg ofjjs. Et E t fjsh clfms E dlfr t`l rlsphmsedejety ihr t`hsl ofjjs– (6). W`ft t`es clfms, wet`em t`l ohmtlxt hi t`ler cfrrefgl, es t`ft `lr `usdfmn es `lr sudcessevl, tfbemg pfrteoujfr ofrl hi `lr fmn t`ler `husl`hjn, w`lrlfs s`l glts th cfbl t`l nloesehms fmn s`hujnlr t`l durnlm ihr f jht hi essuls t`ft fresl. @lr `usdfmn ohmtemuhusjy fots em f sudcessevl wfy t`ft fjjhws Nfjthm th rltfem phwlr hvlr `ec wet`hut ofusemg `ec `frc hr ofusemg `lr thh cuo` whrb. _`l sploeieofjjy nlsoredls t`ler rljftehms`ep em suo` t`ft `lr sudcessevl `usdfmn nhls t`lsl tfsbs frhumn t`l `husl fmn ihr `lr plrshmfjjy hi `es hwm irll wejj. ‚Wl `fvl f ilw retufjs, jebl `l cfbls cy ohiill ihr cl lvlry chrmemg w`lm E wfbl up, dut t`es es w`ft whrbs dlst ihr us. E prlilr `l s`hws cl `es sudcessehm dy nhemg w`ft―s lxplotln hi `ec wet`hut cl mllnemg th rlcemn `ec, hr et e t `fvemg th dl f `ugl prhnuotehm– (Nfjthm 6). ^`lsl lxplotftehms fmn fpprhpreftl fots lmfdjl Nfjthm fmn `lr `usdfmn th jlfn jevls t`ft t`ly dht` iemn iujiejjemg.

 

 

@frs`dfrglr | 4

Em fnnetehm th `lr rljftehms`ep wet` `lr `usdfmn, Nfjthm tfbls pfrt em f phjyoul Y rljftehms`ep (Hml plrshm em rljftehms`eps wet` twh plhpjl, mlet`lr hi w`hc `fvl rljftehms`eps wet` fmyhml ljsl). @lr rljftehms`ep wet` `lr pfrtmlr fjsh emvhjvls vfst fchumts hi DN_C pjfy, `hwlvlr em f neiilrlmt wfy. Chst mhtfdjy, Nfjthm fmn `lr pfrtmlr lmgfgl em ‐sweto`― DN_C, w`lrl t`l typeofj nhcemftemg hml wejj em turm dlohcl t`l sudcessevl hml. ^`es orlftls f neiilrlmt nymfceo ihr t`l rljftehms`ep t`ft es mht prlslmt wet` Nfjthm fmn `lr `usdfmn. Em cfmy wfys, Nfjthm fmn `lr pfrtmlrs rljftehms`ep nhls mht neiilr irhc stfmnfrn nftemg rljftehms`eps. ‚@l―s hmjy f ohupjl hi ylfrs hjnlr t`fm cl, fmn wl `fvl slvlrfj vfmejjf emtlrlsts em ohcchm, sh chst hi w`ft wl nh es fotufjjy mht bemby fmn chrl dhyirelmn/gerjirelmn. Et―s rlfjjy…t`ft dhremg– (Nfjthm ?). ^`ly splmn tecl thglt`lr, lft clfjs thglt`lr, wfto` chvels. @hwlvlr, t`lrl frl emstfmols w`lrl Nfjthm―s nhcemftemg senl ohcls hut em iujj ihrol1 Dut t` t`lr lrl― l―ss  t` t`em emgs gs je jeb bl E shclt hcltec ecls ls `fvl `fvl th ‚h ‚hrn rnlr lr–– cy pf pfrt rtm mlr th jlt jlt cl pfy ihr ihr nem emm mlr lr,, dlo dlofu fusl sl ei  E nhm―t hm―t,, `l―n `l―n pfy ihr ihr lv lvlr lryt yt` `emg. emg.   …. Hr `l em emse sest stss hm fjwf jwfys cll llte temg mg cl ft cy of ofrr fm fmn n  of ofrr rrye yem mg cy t` t`em emgs gs ems emsenl. enl. Hr ei `l―s `l―s peo peobem emg g cl up th tf tfbl bl cl th `e `ess pjf jfool ihr ihr t`l wllblmn, `l  ems emsests hm ofrryemg emg cy t`emgs hut th `es ofr. ^`emgs je jeb bl t`ft. @l ohhbs ihr cl w`lm E―c t`lrl. @l nlilrs th cl fdhut pjfmmemg hur fotevetels. (>) Em cfmy wfys t`es ohujn aust dl sllm fs dlemg o`evfjrhus. Dut t`lrl jels fm umnlrjyemg phwlr nymfceo t`ft es mht fjwfys fppfrlmt. Chslr hmol stftln t`ft ‚t`l jfob hi umnlrstfmnemg hi DN_C `fs jln th cfmy cesohmolptehms fs wljj fs ilfr, w`eo` cfy iurt`lr fjelmftl t`hsl w`h frl fotevl em t`l jeilstyjl–

 

 

@frs`dfrglr | ?

(>?). Emth chnlrm nfy, t`es `hjns trul ihr DN_C rljftehms`eps jebl Nfjthm―s fmn cfmy ht`lrs. W`ejl t`l ohmolpt cfy dl ft t`l ihrlirhmt hi phpujfr oujturl thnfy, t`es jeilstyjl es stejj nrfsteofjjy cesumnlrsthhn dy jfrgl swft`s hi shoelty. Ft ets chst dfseo hi ihrcs, DN_C rlilrs th f rljftehms`ep dltwllm twh hr chrl plhpjl t`ft emojunls let`lr dhmnfgl fmn nesoepjeml (DN), nhcemftehm fmn sudcessehm (N_), hr sfnhcfsho`esc (_C) (Drhwm 706). Wejjefcs nlsoredln t`ft, em chst ofsls, DN_C pfrteoepfmts tfbl pfrt em f sudoujturl surrhumnemg t`l enlmtety. Em nhemg sh, t`ly fttlmn pfrtels fmn ojuds, ihr shoefj mltwhrbs, fmn nlvljhp jfstemg rljftehms`eps, fjj rlvhjvemg frhumn t`ler DN_C enlmtety (??7) Nfjthm lxpjfems `lr velws hm DN_C es sjeg`tjy jlss ojemeofj tlrcs1

^`lrl―s fm ucdrljjf. Hm hml lmn, t`lrl―s plhpjl w`h jebl th pjfy gfcls em t`l dlnrhhc. Hr jebl th orhss-nrlss ihr ium hr slxy rlfshms, mht dlofusl t`ly―rl trfms. Hr plhpjl w`h jebl th `fvl t`ler fss scfobln. [lhpjl w`h jebl th nh puppy hr phmy pjfy, hr w`h frl iurrels. [lhpjl w`h wejj gh th f DN_C ojud hm hoofsehm. [lhpjl w`h gh th f DN_C ojud hm f rlgujfr dfses. [lhpjl w`h jevl 4>/7 fs Cfstlr/sjfvl. Fmn plhpjl w`h glt hii hm nhemg ijls` `hhb susplmsehms. Fmn llllvvvllrryw`lrl em dltwllm. Fm ucdrljjf hi bemb. (66) Hrtcfmm fmn _prhtt  nlsoredln et fs fm ‐lrhtezftehm hi phwlr― (66). Tlslfro`lrs w`h `fvl fttlcptln th iurt`lr hiieoefjjy oftlghrezl w`lrl DN_C ifjjs em t`l wenl lxpfmsl hi `ucfm slxufjety `fvl rum emth neiieoujtels fs th fsolrtfememg t`l lxfot mfturl hi DN_C. @hwlvlr, Chslr & Bjlempjftz wlrl fdjl th rlnlieml et fs let`lr ‚f slxufj hrelmtftehm, f shoefjjy ohmstruotln dl`fvehr, f jeilstyjl o`heol, hr fmy ohcdemftehm hi t`lsl– (>). Fmht`lr essul rlslfro`lrs `fvl rum emth es t`l enlf t`ft DN_C `hjns neiilrlmt clfmemgs ihr neiilrlmt plhpjl. Ihr lxfcpjl,

 

 

@frs`dfrglr | >

Jfmgrengl rfm emth t`l neiilremg velws w`lrl th shcl, DN_C es aust hml fsplot hi t`ler slxufj jeil w`ejl ht`lrs, fmn hur cfem ihous nuremg t`es pfplr, ohmsenlr DN_C th dl f olmtrfj pfrt hi t`ler enlmtety (?77).

Tlgfrnjlss wet` `hw yhu pfrtfbl em t`l sudoujturl hi jeilstyjl, hml trut` rlcfems lmgrfemln ihr fjj clcdlrs. Ohmslmt. Ohmslmt ofm emvhjvl cfmy nestemot fsplots dlyhmn aust fm lmt`usefsteo yls. Et fjsh rlvhjvls frhumn t`l ohmolpts hi `frn jecets, dhumnfrels, ohccumeoftehm, fmn sfil whrns. Fjj hi t`lsl frl emtreoftl th tfbemg pfrt em DN_C rljftehms`eps em f `lfjt`y fmn sfil wfy. ^h shcl, t`es jlvlj hi ohmtrhj fmn trust frl lvlm chrl lrhteo t`fm t`l fotufj fots tfbemg pjfol. ‚Ihr ‚ Ihr shcl prfotetehmlrs, DN_C wfs mht hmjy fdhut slxufjety. Emstlfn, phwlr lxo`fmgl, nesoepjeml fmn slourety wlrl bly ifothrs, w`lrl t`l segmeieofmol hi ohmslmt es olmtrfj– (Ofrjstrùc >;0). Wl wejj nesouss phwlr nymfceos jftlr em t`es pfplr, dut et es ecphrtfmt th tfbl mhtl t`ft t`lsl rljftehms`eps, w`lm nhml ohrrlotjy, frl mht fdjl th tfbl pjfol wet`hut lmt`usefsteo ohmslmt. Ei fmyt`emg, DN_C lmohumtlrs frl t`l lxfot hpphsetl hi fdusl2 t`ly rlquerl trust, ohccumeoftehm, fmn fdshjutl umnlrstfmnemg. W`lm tfbemg mhtl hi DN_C rljftehms`eps, fjdlet chstjy mht 4>/7 hmls, et es ecphrtfmt th sll aust `hw prlvfjlmt t`ly frl wet`em hur shoelty. Em f stuny ohmnuotln dy Drhwm, w`lrl 9; frteojls wlrl rlvelwln, ‚DN_C ifmtfsels wlrl lxprlssln dy >;-7;% em dht` cfjls fmn ilcfjls, wet` 4;% hi pfrteoepfmts rlphrtemg `fvemg lmgfgln em DN_C– (70;). Fmht`lr stuny nhml dy @hjvhlt lt fj., w`eo` wfs rlprlslmtftevl hi t`l ohumtry, rlphrtln t`ft fjchst 95% hi pfrteoepfmts lxprlssln lvlr `fvemg hml DN_C ifmtfsy hr prfoteol. Hi t`lsl pfrteoepfmts, t`l cfahrety enlmteieln fs w`etl, upplr ojfss, fmn wljj lnuoftln (66