Volume 47 - Issue 17 February 12, 2014 theeyeopener.com @theeyeopener Since 1967
LOVE & SEX
SEXY PEOPLE DOING SEXY THINGS INSIDE. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.
PHOTO: natalia balcerzak
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look, (sorta) naked people PHOTO: FArnia fekri
Editor-in-Chief Sean “Hot Rod” Tepper Managing Editor Jake “Celibacy” Scott Creative Directors Nicole “Super Lube” Schmidt Shannon “Gangbang” Baldwin Design Coordinator Sean “Dildo Magnet” Wetselaar Content Editors Sierra “Reverse Cowgirl” Bein Ramisha “Doggy Style” Farooq Dylan “Gimp Slave” FreemanGrist Leah “G-Vibe” Hansen Badri “Yogurt Slinger” Murali
Photography Natalia “Butt Stuff” Balcerzak Jess “Ass Blaster” Tsang Farnia “10 Inch” Fekri Head Copy Editor Allison “X-Tits” Tierney Elkin Media Behdad “Too Quick” Mahichi Online Lindsay “Spread Eagle” Boeckl John “ATM” Shmuel
General Manager Liane “DVDA” McLarty Advertising Manager Chris “Missionary” Roberts Design Director J.D. “Yes Master” Mowat Contributors Rob “Jackhammer” Foreman Blair “Finger Bowl” Tate Olivia “Waterworks” McLeod
And last but not least, a very special thank you to all of the beautiful, sexy models who helped make this year’s Love & Sex issue possible. Without you guys and gals this issue would not have been anywhere near as Bahoz “Powertop” Dara awesome as it is. You guys rock! Deborah “Lexxi” Hernandez On behalf of our lovely models, Julia “Nekkid” Ho The Eyeopener will be donating “Chayonika “Sparxx” Chandra $500 to The Underwear Affair Emily “Bendover” Theodore on their behalf to fight cancers Laura “Roxxi” Woodward below the waist. Kate “Dildo” Sloan Monika “Papi!” Sidhu The Eyeopener is Ryerson’s largest and only Sameera “XXX” Raja independent student newspaper. It is owned and Emily “X-Rated” Woloszuk operated by Rye Eye Publishing Inc., a non-profit Rebecca “Steamy” Goss corporation owned by the students of Ryerson. Our offices are on the second floor of the Student
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Campus Centre. You can reach us at 416-9795262, at theeyeopener.com or on Twitter at @theeyeopener
LOVE & SEX
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Straight-up sexy
PHOTOs: farnia fekri
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Women are finding an alternative to the club scene at Church and Wellesley By Sameera Raja
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wenty-one-year-old Tiffany Landau orders beer at Crews and Tangos, a local Church Street gay bar. After surveying both floors with her gay friends, she makes her way to the front of the stage for the first drag show of the night. Landau, a straight woman who studies criminal justice at Ryerson, frequents the Victorianstyle house-turned-club to avoid (what she says) is the sexist atmosphere that exists at straight clubs. “It’s not as fun going out to a regular club, ‘cause you always feel like you’re the subject of someone else’s pickup,” Landau says. “When it comes to gay bars and clubs, you don’t have that same type of pick-up atmosphere — you have your own space.” Between Friday and Sunday nights, several LGBTQ bars and clubs light up Church Street and the village. For many Ryerson students who identify themselves as LGBTQ, it’s an opportunity to mingle in a safe environment. Gay clubs, such as Crews and Tangos, are not restricted solely to the LGBTQ community and give straight women and men a chance to socialize. Landau says she also enjoys the club culture. “I think it’s more friendly. If you go for a drag show it’s fun to watch, everyone’s friendly, the music is great and in general it’s more fun.” But the trend of straight women attending gay nightlife is nothing new to the club industry. Fabian Reinoso, general manager of Latino gay bar El Convento Rico says up to 80 per cent of women who frequently attend the venue are straight. “We have been in business for the past 21 years and in the last 15 years, we have had the pleasure of hosting hundreds of
stagettes and birthdays to straight women,” Reinoso says. According to him, the gay community at El Convento Rico is welcoming to a mixed crowd. “Straight women see El Convento Rico as a safe haven from the traditional club,” he says. “At El Convento Rico they do not feel like they are a piece of meat in a meat market.” he issue of male attention can escalate from flirting to dangerous situations. “I do feel like it goes back to engrained sexism in our society — guys think they can get around a ‘no’ or don’t take it as an answer,” Landau says. “It’s a safety issue in terms of [if] someone respects you if you say no or respect[s] your boundaries.” Some heterosexual clubs provide a hyper-sexualized environment, discouraging women from the nightlife entirely. “The fact is a lot of straight women who go to straight clubs are getting harassed and unwanted attention, there’s so many possibilities for danger,” says Nicole Castillo, a RyePRIDE coordinator. “So I think they might be looking at this as more [of a] safety [issue] and go into these queer spaces.” On the flip side, however, straight women aren’t completely free of any proposition at gay clubs. Landau says she has been flirted with by the same sex, but finds women less persistent and more respectful of space. Sometimes the trend backfires altogether. “A lot of straight men are catching onto this, which becomes another problem of safety for these straight women,” Castillo says. For fourth-year new media student Jonathan Pavan, a self-identified cisgender gay male, the trend defines the state of straight clubs. “Gay clubs are a more inclusive
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environment, guys there are more likely to be hit on than straight women,” he says. lthough Pavan is comfortable having straight women join gay clubs as allies supporting the gay community, he is skeptical towards the ratio of straight women to gay men. “I think straight women should respect the space that they’re in and not, in a sense, gawk when they see homosexual or bisexual actions — as long as they’re respecting it, it’s fine,” he says. “But because queer clubs are meant for gay people, there shouldn’t be a certain surplus. I don’t know how I’d feel if too many hetero people were there, because I do go to dance with friends or dance with guys.” But Matthew Shantz, a gay man, says that he thinks the trend is a positive thing. “It’s a more secured environment for [straight women]… but also on the flip side, I think it’s beneficial for us because if a straight guy goes out to a gay bar, he’s going to get a higher level of acceptance and tolerance,” Shantz says. To maintain a safe environment in the gay club culture, mutual respect on both sides is important. Because of limited spaces, Castillo says there should be an understanding of designation among straight women. “People have to acknowledge that these spaces are safe spaces for other people as well and to be respectful of that and not treat it as a spectacle — that these spaces are primarily for the gay community,” Castillo says. Although Landau prefers the gay bar scene, she says, “a regular club can be just as safe for a girls’ night out or it can feel like a hunting ground. It really depends on the place and the atmosphere.”
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Virtual dating 2.0 A new website might mean your next significant other isn’t quite who you expected them to be By Leah Hansen
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he launch of a new website could be just what you need to solve all your relationship woes. That means the days of having to answer “no” every time your grandparents ask whether you’re dating anyone are finally over. InvisibleGirlfriend.com was created by a 10-person team in two days for Startup Weekend St. Louis last November, where it took first place. It’s now making it easier than ever to lie your way through your next family gathering or girls’ night out. Launching Valentine’s Day 2014, the site aims to offer users a unique service — proof of a fake partner accomplished through texts, voicemails, Facebook relationship statuses and live calls, with the goal of giving clients a believable story to tell others about their love lives. An InvisibleBoyfriend.com is planned for later this year. The site’s creator, Matt Homann, has owned both of the aforementioned domain names since 2006. “It’s a good service for people who, first of all, want their parents off their back,” says Alex Rovetti, a programs coordinator for the Centre for Women and Trans People. “I don’t necessarily think it’s totally healthy to be maybe lying to your friends about it, but I do understand the pressure to have to do so.” Being from a traditional Italian family helps Rovetti sympathizes with people who feel pressured into relationships. She has no plans to get married soon, but says she feels that pressure from her family to do so. The site allows potential users to choose from one of three plans: the Just Talking plan — which includes interactive texts, automated phone calls and the option to be sent simple gifts from your “partner,” the Getting Serious plan — which includes real voicemails and a relationship status on your Facebook profile and the Almost Engaged plan — which includes “custom girlfriend characterization” and live phone calls as well as all the benefits from both lower level plans. But InvisibleGirlfriend.com isn’t meant exclusively for those who are straight and looking to adjust their relationship status.
The FAQ section of the site also lists individuals who identify as LGBTQ as potential clients. For people who aren’t ready to come out and are facing the scrutiny of family or friends, Invisible Girlfriend and Boyfriend may offer a simple way to relieve some of the pressure. “It’s a tool for people to not have to disclose a queer identity to their family when it’s either not safe for them to do so or they’re not ready to do so,” Rovetti says. Sam Kaplan*, a second-year theatre student who identifies as pansexual, says that she’d never use the site herself, despite her sexual orientation. “I’m very comfortable being single and I don’t think my family will ever pressure me,” she says. “Because I’m really busy with school and I’m still really young, I don’t see the need for a website like this.” hile the site may not be a good fit for her, she says the appeal might be greater for others in different types of situations. “If you’re not comfortable with a certain aspect of yourself and you don’t want to expose that quite yet or your family is really pressuring you into being in a
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PHOTO/ILLUSTRATION: farnia fekri /LINDSAY BOECKL
relationship of some sort… I completely understand,” she says. he service and the site itself are still in pre-launch mode, according to Business Insider. The concept, while previously unheard of, may not be all that outlandish. “I thought it was desperate and pathetic when I first heard about it,” second-year student Regina Filange* said. “But in today’s society, people meet online and don’t actually meet in person for months, so it’s kind of the same thing.” All things considered, the usefulness of the site really depends on what your situation is in life. Homann writes that, while he thinks that people falling in love with their invisible girlfriends is “a bit far-fetched,” the reality of it is “hard to predict.”
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LOVE & SEX
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Can can can I see your cancans? Ryerson dance graduate Kate Knox, more commonly known as Knox Harter, makes her mark on Toronto’s burlesque scene By Nicole Schmidt
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ate Knox steps out from behind the curtains and into the spotlight. She is about to begin her first ever full-tease burlesque routine. A 50s jazz song plays as she struts across stage in a long, black evening gown. She lifts her dress to reveal thigh-high fishnet stockings. Tucked into the band is a gold ball with feathers glued to either side to resemble a snitch from Harry Potter. She removes the snitch and tosses it into the crowd, wasting no time before peeling off her stockings and throwing them down beside her. With her back to the audience, Knox sensually sways her body from side to side and reaches for the zipper on her dress. Starting at her shoulders, she slowly pulls the zipper down to the small of
her back. One strap at a time, she frees her arms from the garment, letting it hang just below her hips. She shimmies back and forth and the dress falls effortlessly to the floor, revealing a metallic gold thong. Cheers erupt from the audience as she spins around to show off the matching metallic leaves covering her nipples. Knox blows a kiss to the audience, smiles and bats her eyelashes before making her exit. “There’s an artistry to [burlesque]. There are so many fun ways to take off anything… zippers in interesting places, using other body parts to take it off, the point is to tease,” Knox says. “It takes a lot of creativity and a lot of balls, but it’s fun.” This show was filled with many firsts for Knox. It was the first time she had ever taken all her clothes off on stage, the first time she had ever done a Harry
Potter-themed routine and, most importantly, it was the first time that Knox Harter (Kate’s burlesque alter ego) had made an appearance. Before the show began, Joe Kilmartin, a major patron of the Toronto burlesque community, walked in on Knox’s rehearsal. He pulled her aside and said, “I have it, I have it!” Confused, Knox asked what he was talking about. “Knox Harter,” he said. “Your stage name.” “It’s really hard when you’re in burlesque to name yourself because there’s no trademarking. Your name is your identity, so you don’t want to have a name that someone else has,” Knox says. he wanted something involving her last name that was unique and bold — Knox Harter seemed to stick. No matter how you say it, “Harter” sounds just like “harder,” making it fierce yet still feminine because of the heartimagery association. Knox Harter has been making a mark on Toronto’s burlesque
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scene ever since. Today, she performs in a variety of shows in venues across the city. But she didn’t always see her career heading in this direction. “Ten years ago had you said I was going to be taking my clothes off for a portion of my living I wouldn’t have believed you, but here I am,” Knox says. “It’s been a long evolution, but [the opportunity] was there and I fell into it and just never fell out of it.” After Knox graduated from Ryerson’s performance dance program in 2008, she took advantage of every audition she could get — whether she was suited for it or not. She answered an open call for jazz dancers and got the part. Although this role wasn’t as scandalous as what Knox is currently doing, she was required to do Boston-style teases (which entailed stripping down to a bra and-panty set). This introduced her into the world of burlesque. Through performance, her style evolved and she went on to land other roles — her most prominent being in Love
Letters Cabaret. By day, Knox continues to lead the relatively normal life of a dancer, spending her time teaching kids dance, rehearsing and leading workshops. But by night, a sexier version of her personality is revealed. “I live a double life. I have my regular me, who’s already a character,” Knox says. “Then I have this alter ego who gets paid to have her picture taken, to be pretty, to have fun with feathers and glitter, to take her clothes off, or to just play.” or Knox, burlesque has helped her grow as both a dancer and a person. As a former outcast, she says that she has undergone the ultimate metamorphosis. “Most of us [burlesque dancers] were weird rejected children who eventually became something beautiful,” Knox says. “Some of us are still rejects, we don’t fit a norm, but that’s where we fit in with burlesque because there is no norm… it’s about finding you and your own brand of sexy.”
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AT ITS VERY BEST PHOTO COURTESY ROB SACKFIELD
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A toy story Kate Sloan reviews some of the best and worst sex toys on the market Lelo Mia 2 5 out of 5 stars This vibrator looks like a USB thumb drive and actually charges via USB. It’s small enough to fit into a purse or pocket, making it the perfect travel vibe. To avoid any embarrassing and unwanted buzzing while heading from place to place, it also has a locking function. This is a must-have product for women on the go.
Fifty Shades of Grey Something Forbidden butt plug
PHOTO: FARNIA FEKRI
Pirates and porn Jake Scott examines the subtle intricacies of the most expensive porno ever produced. Spoiler: there are dicks, tits a lot of sex and even a burning building Rough seas, hard steel and massive cannon balls. The two-hour epic known as Pirates has all of this and more as it whisks audiences away to a land frought with danger. The tale follows Captain Edward Reynolds, a hero with roots in both the swashbuckler and best friend archetypes. Indeed, Reynolds is an action hero who meets challenges head-on, pounding away until he gets the job done. But he’s also not afraid to show his charming, bumbling personality. Superstar Evan Stone plays his role with conviction and grace, allowing the audience a rare glimpse at what many know to be the
fuck villain? Capt. Stagnetti is a malicious pirate searching for a really important plot device — I mean — artifact. Stagnetti is played by veteran porn actor Tommy Gunn. His visceral performance evokes fear, lust and just a touch of Marlon Brando. On an emotional level, Gunn draws from deeper characters that are clearly rooted in his earlier work, Call of On a whole, the film Booty: Modern Whorefare. On a whole, the film is a masis a masterpiece of terpiece of ejaculatory sensation. ejaculatory sensation. It bends the fabric of history to tell a tale that makes knees tremble. But what ball-slapping epic If you have two hours to watch would be complete without love- porn, watch this one. They totally to-hate-while-we-watch-them- fuck in a real burning building.
1 out of 5 stars This plug was designed by Fifty Shades author E.L. James herself, but she should stick to writing books because she’s hopeless at dreaming up sex toys. This toy is so flexible and poorly designed that it could easily get accidentally lodged in your butt, sending you to the emergency room for an embarrassing extraction. The ER doctors will laugh at you, and frankly, you’ll deserve it for choosing such a stupid toy.
Happy Valley Perk 4 out of 5 stars Happy Valley makes 100 per cent silicone toys in their farmhouse in Peterborough, where they also raise goats on the side (don’t worry, the goats don’t come into contact with the toys). Why should you buy this product? Well, aside from getting to support a local company, you’ll also get a well-made dildo with a nice curve for G-spot stimulation. It’s anal-safe and compatible with strap-on harnesses. Bonus: it comes in a variety of colours.
“real” Stone. Companion to Capt. Reynolds is Jules Steel, the first-to-mate first mate. A strong female lead, Jesse Jane, gushes talent as she rides choppy waves and takes on massive whitecaps to the face. Truly an American alpha-female, she takes many a domineering role and always cums out on top.
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LOVE & SEX
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PHOTOS: Jess tsang
Sexy confessions
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Two Ryerson students share what happens when the night gets weird
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hen my friends and I were still underage, we all decided to attend one of those dreaded all-ages nights at a nearby club. As the night came to a close and we were getting ready to head home, an already-drunk guy confidently walked up to us and started chatting about how the club was. He clearly had no idea we were underage and, at this point, completely sober. He wasn’t a bad-looking guy — a “hockey bro” with a lot of chest hair. He was sort of charming, so we exchanged numbers. He decided that he wanted to take me to his friend’s car, claiming he “liked my pants.” For some god-forsaken reason, my friends thought this would be a great idea and encouraged me to go. In probably the most naive and dumb moment of my life, I obliged and followed him to his friend’s car. We made out in the backseat for a bit, which was mostly fine except for the sweaty excess of hair and too much tongue. A few minutes in, he unbuttoned his pants, leaned over and whispered in my ear the most romantic phrase I’ve heard — “Just touch my dick.” That was the moment I must’ve remembered “stranger danger” and decided to bail on the situation. As I climbed out of the backseat and into the safety of my circle of friends, he decided to shout, “Damn, I didn’t even get to touch your boob! ” When he hugged me goodbye, he whispered that he would have “fucked me into the next century.” As if this whole thing wasn’t bad enough, one of the girls in our group had the audacity to ask me for his number afterwards. All the power to you girl — touch that dick.
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image: richard cocks
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was going to a Halloween party and I had been appointed designated driver for the night, so obviously I wasn’t drinking. This guy I had met at a party a few weeks back was there and he came up to me and started a conversation. It was pretty awkward, so one of my girlfriends and I decided to go outside for some fresh air. Guess who followed? We all sat in my car and for some reason that I’ll never understand, we decided that we would go back to this guy’s apartment. Upon arriving, we discovered that the entrance to his room was down the darkest, dirtiest alley I had ever seen. I had to use the light on my phone just to see where I was stepping. He opened the door, which lead to a set of stairs that looked like a place you’d go to hide if Michael Myers was coming after you. After initial hesitation, we followed our brave knight up the stairs to his room. After inserting his key and tampering with the door, he finally let it swing to reveal a giant longhorn skull hanging on the wall. After making my way into the room, I turned to the right and saw something straight out of a Goosebumps novel — a plethora of puppets. They were hanging from the walls, ceiling, shelves, the bathroom door and they even covered his entire bed — it was almost like Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood went on a crack binge. Not only was this guy living surrounded by puppets, but he was also sleeping in the same bed as them. I never thought that my first threesome would be with so many people who literally had strings attached.
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LGBTQ
PHOTO: JESS TSANG
It’s party time With WorldPride coming in June, Ryerson and the city are preparing for the world’s largest LGBTQ festival to take over the streets of downtown Toronto By Allison Tierney Elkin
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yerson University borders one of the largest gay neighbourhoods in North America — the Church Wellesley Village. With WorldPride Toronto coming up this summer, Ryerson can expect quite the party. Toronto is only the fourth city to hold WorldPride, a massive Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Queer (LGBTQ) gathering that is about twice the size of the city’s annual Pride week festivities. Other countries that have hosted it include Italy, Israel and the UK. It will be the biggest LGBTQ event that has ever happened in Toronto. Due to Gould Street’s proximity to the festivities, campus will be filled with many visitors and Ryerson is sure to join in the activities. “Ryerson will definitely be part
of the leadership team this year,” said Barb Besharat, a spokesperson for PrideHouseTO. Besides that, Ryerson itself has a large group of staff and students who identify as LGBTQ. Organizations like Positive Space and RyePRIDE exist to bring awareness to sexual and gender diversity. They work to eliminate homophobia within the Ryerson community. Nicole Castillo, one of the coordinators at RyePRIDE, says they want to hold a one-day conference on campus in the week leading up to WorldPride festivities. The conference will look at international LGBTQ communities’ successes and tribulations. “We’re so used to looking at LGBTQ issues from a Eurocentric view and I think this will attract a lot of good attention and dialogue,” Castillo said.
PrideHouseTO, a major Toronto LGBTQ collective, has held events on Gould Street before. Currently, the collective has set up an outdoor Olympic-viewing space. It’s an inclusive space for anyone to watch and enjoy the Winter Games. The Ryerson Image Centre will host an exhibit titled What It Means to be Seen: Photography and Queer Visibility from June 18 to Aug. 24. The exhibit will document the representation of queer people around the world through photography, film and mass media. It will also feature the work of Ryerson graduate Zanele Muholi, whose exhibit focuses on South Africa’s LGBTQ community. For now, Ryerson and the rest of the city is eagerly preparing for and awaiting the visitors and celebrations that will come with WorldPride.
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AT ITS VERY BEST
Love & Sex
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Coming out tales For many queer students, telling those around them of their sexual orientation or gender can be challenging. Here’s how two students dealt with coming out
PHOTO: Jess Tsang
I came out twice. The first time was when I realized I was pansexual. I told a then-close friend of mine a few years ago. It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be to tell her but it left me heartbroken. She told me that while she didn’t have a problem with it, she wouldn’t be able to accept that it wasn’t something that I could change. That sounded really contradictory to me and I didn’t know how to react. It took me a while to accept who I was and that I couldn’t change myself to suit the expectations that my parents had. I was too afraid to come out to anyone else because I was so disheartened by her reaction. My luck changed when a friend and I were coming back home from a movie. She brought up her desire to start a gay-straight alliance at our high school. What could go
wrong? She was my best friend and an ally. I knew she would support me, so I told her and we became a lot closer after that. Coming out to her gave me a boost in confidence and I came out to all of my friends.
I was too afraid to come out to anyone else because I was so disheartened. The second time I came out was the beginning of last year. I realized I was agender, which means that I identify as neither a man nor a woman. Basically, I’m gender neutral. I told all of my friends at a cafe that we happened to be at. It was out-of-the-blue and I still don’t know why I did. I think it was because that was the first time we were all hanging out together and somewhere in the back of my
mind, I figured that getting it over with was the best course of action. I mean, I had only just figured it out myself and I was still trying to figure out what pronouns I wanted to use. They turned out to be very supportive. Of course, I had to explain what agender was because a lot of people have never heard of the term. They’ve been the group of people who always accepted me for who I am and not who they thought I should be. it’s a liberating feeling. I’m a lot more open now and a lot of people around campus know, but my family still doesn’t know — although my youngest brother has suspicions. I never quite mustered the strength to come out to them, mostly because I don’t want to cut off my relationship with them. *Name withheld for anonymity
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AT ITS VERY BEST
I remember sitting in the car with my mother and younger sister. We had just gone to visit my brother at his university and took him out for dinner. During the ride home, the conversation dwindled from the initial topic of the dinner to the complexities of sexuality. We discussed it from a Christian and straight perspective of how it’s fine to be gay. I remember looking out the window to the dark streets, gently illuminated by the yellow street lights and thinking “if someone was to be gay in this family, it’d be me.”
I paused. Straight people don’t think that, do they? A couple of years later, my friends got it. They understood even before I could grasp it myself. Eventually I grew comfortable in my own skin, so comfortable that it wasn’t a secret.
Straight people don’t think that, do they? I remember that morning last year. My mom and I went out for brunch at our favourite restaurant. She was working away at her salad and I was quiet. I fin-
ished my waffles. I could see that she was almost finished eating and knew that I had to tell her. I remember starting it off as casually as I could, explaining why it never worked out with my previous high school boyfriend. She said, “He’s such a great guy, do you guys still talk?” I felt hot so I forced the words out. “It didn’t work out because I was never really interested in men.” She let out a squeak before pushing the remaining leaves of lettuce into her mouth. She keeps replaying my words in her head everyday. But she’s still here for me.
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Know your terms As more LGBTQ issues enter everyday discussion, it’s important to know how to appropriately identify individuals and their respective communities By Nicole Castillo
Heterosexual — A person whose primary sexual orientation is towards people of the opposite genAgender — A term used to describe people who do not identify as male der. or female. Homosexual — A person whose Asexual — A person who has no primary sexual orientation is towards people of the same gender. sexual feelings or desires.
Bisexual — A person whose sexual Intersex — A person who is born orientation is toward people of the with a reproductive or sexual anatomy and/or chromosome pattern same gender and other genders. that doesn’t fit into typical definiCisgender – A person whose gen- tions of male or female. der identity matches the gender he Pansexual — A person who has roor she was assigned to at birth. mantic, sexual or emotional desire Gender identity — Our internal for people of all genders and sexes. sense of being male, female, both Queer — An umbrella term for all or neither. people who are not heterosexual, Gender expression — The speech, hetero-romantic and/or cisgender clothing, body modification choic- and who self-identify as queer. This es, gestures, behaviour and social word is a sensitive issue because of roles through which a person dem- its history as a slur. onstrates his or her gender. Transgender — An umbrella term
for all people who don’t match the gender that they were assigned at birth, that was imposed on them by society or that they were raised as. Transsexual — Either a person whose gender doesn’t match his or her assigned sex (similar to transgender) or one who has changed, or wishes to change, his or her anatomy to better reflect individual gender identity. This shoudn’t be used to refer to a person without his or her permission. Two-spirit — A gender, identity, social role and/or tradition of some indigenous cultures of the Americas. Non-native people shouldn’t appropriate this term. Sexual orientation - The group of people or genders to which a person can become sexually attracted, if at all. Note: Always clarify with each person which term they prefer.
PHOTO: Jess Tsang
Fighting stigma Ryerson student fights for gender and sexual liberties in face of harassment Opinion by Badri Murali
PHOTO: Jess Tsang
When talking about the LGBTQ community, an emerging discussion is the nature-versus-nurture narrative. It questions whether homosexuality and gender identities are things that people are born with or if they choose whom they are attracted to. But what is more important is that, regardless of whether or not a person was born with it, the routine harassment and discrimination faced by LGBTQ individuals need to be further addressed. For many individuals who identify with the LGBTQ community, it can be difficult to be open about who they are and what makes them feel comfortable. Some of these people often face verbal and physical violence. According to a 2011 survey by Egale Canada Human Rights Trust (a Canadian charity promoting LGBTQ rights), up to 70 per cent of high school students hear discriminatory comments everyday. Twenty-one per cent of respondents who identify as LGBTQ said that they have faced some form of physical harassment in schools. Markus*, a second-year student at Ryerson, raises awareness
of sexual and gender minorities from a straight person who choosthrough education. He is a trans- es to speak out,” Marsiaj says. An ally is a person who isn’t a gender man who regularly speaks member of a marginalized group, at universities and high schools. but uses his or her privilege to All I ask is to let me love combat oppression faced by the myself in a way that I see marginalized group. “I wouldn’t have the energy or fit courage to be who I am if it wasn’t for my friends. Yes, we’re all dif“Even though I identify as a ferent, but it is not a bad thing,” man, it’s uncomfortable when peo- Markus says. The past decade has seen a rise ple randomly ask me if I’m a man in LGBTQ activism in media. This or a woman,” Markus says. After Markus came out to his has helped break down many steparents, they kicked him out of the reotypes held by society. But Marhouse because they didn’t accept siaj says that this still isn’t enough. “I think discrimination based on his lifestyle. However, his grandparents took him in and looked sexuality is decreasing, but it’s still after him. He says it would be easy visible,” Marsiaj says. “People disto stay angry, but that he would criminate in more subtle methods, by ‘othering’ some groups. Saying rather focus on educating people. “The only way you make change things like alternate lifestyles and is through education and I sur- new marriage creates an ‘us-versusround myself with people who en- them’ mentality.” Markus says that the focus is on courage, understand and support love. me,” Markus says. “I want everyone to consider the So what can non-LGBTQ people do to help? Dr. Juan Marsiaj, a Ry- different forms that love can take. erson sociology professor whose It can be to your family, to your sigresearch focuses on sexual identity nificant other, to your friends. All I and politics, says that this is where ask is for everyone to love without judgement and to let me love myallies are important. “It’s one thing to hear two gay self in a way that I see fit.” *Surname withheld for anomen talk about homophobia, but it’s [also powerful] to hear that nymity
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SURVEY RESULTS
PHOTO: JESS TSANG
PHOTO: FARNIA FEKRI
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36% 19% 47% 75%
believe in love at first sight
have had an open relationship
enjoy spanking
have been in love PHOTO: FARNIA FEKRI
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What does love feel like?
“Love is a battlefield.” “Feels good, brah.” “Like eating grilled cheese at the end of a drunken night.”
What is attractive? “Intellect, humor, height, personality, larger-than-average genitals.” “Boobs, open-mindedness.” “Beards and humour.”
What turns you on? Most common answer: Having neck touched (39 per cent). “Soft spot on the neck, my general crotch area.” “The usual suspects.”
Turn offs?
“Anal is out of the question. That’s an exit hole. Smell is important, too.” “Interrupting a session to text or phone and release of gas from one’s body.”
PHOTO: FARNIA FEKRI
PHOTO: JESS TSANG
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MYTHS ABOUT SEX
PHOTO: JESS TSANG
It’s a jungle down there — a jungle of love People are ditching their razor blades and waxes for a more natural look down south as the bush makes a comeback By Ramisha Farooq
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et the forest reclaim the land. With a slew of companies and celebrities endorsing the “natural” look, it’s time to put down the wax, ladies, and let your gardens grow free. Maybe you already did when an American Apparel in New York City featured mannequins in their storefront window all with visible pubic hair. Actress Cameron Diaz has also turned some heads when she declared going “hairless” downstairs as a fad. Not to mention when Gwyneth Paltrow admitted she “rocks a 70s vibe down there” on the Ellen DeGeneres Show. So what does this mean exactly? It’s plain and simple — the idea of “unwanted hair” is changing and people now realize how much of their natural state they have been taking for granted. Fifty-one per cent of 1,870 women surveyed by UK Medix, a medical service, said they don’t “style or
groom their pubic hair,” with another 45 per cent admitting that they can “no longer be bothered to keep up the grooming.” This is what experts are calling backlash against the “bald Barbie” look. In a poll of 200 female Ryerson University students, 57 per cent said they don’t have time to patch up that area of their body. Another 20 per cent said they’ll wax or shave every once in a while but don’t have a strict regimen. Emer O’Toole, author of Girls Will Be Girls, has discovered upclose how people react to modern women who don’t shave. She has declared 2014 the “year of the bush.” O’Toole says that more often than not, people are surprised with the idea that hairlessness is a cultural idea and is probably not what women actually want. “This is my body; I’m not ashamed — I refuse that shame,” she says, adding that she thinks it’s time for women to do the unthinkable and ditch the wax and razors.
“You don’t get to sell me my femininity, my femininity is not something I have to buy,” O’Toole says. To the women defending their choice to be hairless, O’Toole responds by saying that their “choice” is no more than a forced response. “What kind of a choice is it if when you’re 12, you know that the choice is between removing all your body hair or being laughed at and having everyone think you’re disgusting and weird?” O’Toole doesn’t, however, believe that men shaving down south experience the same thing. “There isn’t the same social stigma attached to male body hair,” she says. O’Toole says that many are quick to blame the porn industry and, while she says it does have a role to play, she knows plenty of women who never “need to clear their browser history,” but still keep it au naturel. She says a generation of young men have grown up grossed out by
PHOTO: FARNIA FEKRI
hair because it hasn’t appeared on porn stars for decades. “The real reason porn stars wax is because, if you remove all the fur, you can see more when you’re doing penetrative shots. And that’s it. It’s all down to the cinematography,” Caitlin Moran, a feminist writer, says. She encourages women to sport their own look rather than that of the “typically bald porn star.” The waxing process can be embarassing, but it’s the only way to
achieve the hair–free look with no grow-back. It is however, great practice for childbirth, offering the ideal opportunity to practice deep breathing and visualizations. Spa workers snap on latex gloves and get to work. Waxing was a fad — there’s no reason to want one’s genitals to look like they did before puberty. Ridding yourself of hair is painful, frustrating and unnatural. And to put it simply, women just don’t need the hassle.
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It’s all about your beautiful soul Today’s sexy isn’t the sexy that existed in the past. Though beauty ideals still exist, society is more accepting now than ever before Between 2009 and 2010, the number of breast reductions in the US increased by over 20 per cent. Global trends show us that breast reduction was the sixth most popular cosmetic surgical procedure in 2009. What does this mean? Big’Ol-Titties are taking a back seat to natural perky tatas. Big or small-chested ladies are loving their lady parts and men are enjoying the natural touch of their partners’ boobs.
PHOTO: JESS TSANG
By Ramisha Farooq and Jake Scott
Size matters. In the 60s, model Lesley Lawson, better known as “Twiggy,” had skinny image booming in pop culture. Girls were cutting meals and becoming anorexic to attain that stick-thin image Twiggy flaunted. It seemed the world had forgotten about the “plus size” sex icon, Marilyn Monroe. This fad wasn’t just restricted to females — some men had been desperately trying to shed off the pounds as well. Today, the curves are back and the media has been promoting it more than ever in the past decade. The Dove “Love Your Body” campaign and figures like Nicki Minaj and Robyn Lawley have been working to teach people that plus size holds less meaning than the label might intend. Love your curves!
ing less. But ladies and gentlemen, times have changed and so have we. Here we highlight the biggest ociety’s perception of beauty has changed. In the end of the changes in beauty ideals over the 20th century, the “ideal” man past decade. had a strong build, a muscular body and a big package southBig boobs. Let’s get somehing of-the-border, if you know what I straight, women are free to rock mean. There was no doubt that in their curves and men know that! order to be attractive, you needed Gone are the days of the average to have a chiseled torso and biceps man being so shallow to the point to morph from the average Joe of publicly shaming a girl with into David Beckham. Women were smaller breasts. In fact, more and supposed to be thin and blonde — more women are opting to get the likes of superstars Christina breasts reductions, according to Big dick. Any porn movie inAguilera and Britney Spears, noth- Carolyn Johnson of ABC News. volving a male will typically in-
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Did ‘hymen’tion I’m a virgin By Leah Hansen
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he experience of virginity loss affects everyone differently — it can be a source of pain, pleasure, anxiety, love, fear, belonging, or any combination of the above. It’s a complex issue to consider and an even more complex issue to discuss. The prevailing misconception is that a female losing her virginity will always, without fail, feel pain. But while this idea may paralyze us in theory, how true is it in practice? The source of the pain and bleeding women may experience in the process of losing their virginity is due to the hymen. This is a small, paper-thin membrane stretching across a portion of the entrance to the vagina internally. “If a woman still has her hymen, if it’s in place, there is a slight pain associated with the breaking of that,” says Juannittah Kamera,
an events coordinator for Ryerson Health Promotion and a registered nurse. However, not every girl has her hymen still intact before having sex for the first time. Any regular physical activity can break the hymen before a girl loses her virginity. “Most women are very active, so things like horse[back] riding, jumping around — those things will break it ahead of time, so that pain is not necessarily there when they have sex for the first time,” Kamera says. Aside from the fear of physical pain, there are emotional pressures and cultural norms that influence the way we look at virginity and the loss of it, says psychotherapist and couples counsellor Carol Anne Austin. “I think we all have really unique experiences of our first time engaging in intercourse,” Austin says. “I think with women, there is this general belief that you
know the hymen breaking is sort of scary and that might be painful.” Even the terminology is potentially damaging. We refer to firsttime intercourse as the “loss” of something, as opposed to the introduction of a new experience into our lives. “I think that once you’re conceptualizing something in those negative frames, I think it really frames it as something to be fearful or ashamed of and it becomes really stigmatizing,” Austin says. A person’s emotional state before having sex for the first time has the potential to greatly influence the pain or discomfort they feel during the act, according to Austin. When women are bombarded with cultural messages that shame virginity loss, they will be far more likely to go into it anticipating an uncomfortable experience. VIRGIN continued on page 16
clude a comically large dong. These massive man-hammers are severely unrealistic and can really fuck up a man’s self-image. Remember that there are very few people with a 10-inch cock and any dildos you see labeled “average” are anything but. It’s not the size of the sword, but the man who swings it that matters. Your pecker is your companion, a brother in arms. Don’t discount him because your dick doesn’t look like a forearm. Remember that a man’s penis
is his best bud and he will love the little (or big) guy no matter what. Sex positions. Back in the day, people were scared to get kinky. In the day of the vibrator, most are not afraid to get dirty or try new things. Long gone are the days of tradition and simplicity of sex. Now we have the “slow climb,” the “down dog,” the “giddy-up!” and last but not least, the “torrid tabletop.” Google it. Just Google it.
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How “You’re scared it’s going to hurt” to fix hickies Use a toothbrush. Who knew, right? Gently, and we do mean gently, rub the affected area with a bristled brush. It will re-start circulation in your neck and limit the redness. The swelling may spread for about 15 minutes but will then cool off. A cold compress is your best friend. Arguably the easiest way to reduce the look of a hickey is to use ice to bring the swelling down. Leave it on the affected area for about 15 minutes. Definitely the most painful effective method is the use of pressure. Find something domeshaped, like a lipstick cap. Using the domed end of the cap, apply moderate pressure to the area and twist. This forces blood back under the skin to make the hickey much less obvious. But again, ‘tis painful. A coin also works. If you’re looking for a vitamin regimen, try Vitamin K cream, which is found in most drug stores. Rub it onto the affected area several times a day. This may be slow, but it will help you get rid of the redness and swelling naturally. Another weird one — tuna mixed with a cooking oil. Create a tuna-and-oil coating and applying it over the hickey. Leave the mixture on for about 10 minutes and then dry the tuna with a hair dryer for another few minutes. Then, wash it all off. Voila! Looking for an immediate solution? The sooner you apply toothpaste to the hickey, the better. Grab some mint toothpaste and apply a layer to the affected area. It’ll start to tingle once the blood starts to cool. The mint causes this sensation. After a few minutes, rinse off the toothpaste with a towel soaked in warm water. This can be harmful to your skin if done excessively. Wait at least a day before you try again. Once you notice the hickey appearing, take an Aspirin, ibuprofen or acetaminophen. While this trick won’t totally remove the hickey, it’ll help with the pain and keep the blood from clotting too much, which in turn makes the mark a lot less obvious.
PHOTO: JESS TSANG
VIRGIN continued from page 15 A woman’s physical response is also affected by her mindset, Kamera said. Aside from whether or not a woman’s hymen is still intact, nervousness and anxiety can con-
tribute to vaginal dryness, which is another reason pain might result. “It could be that it’s not necessarily the losing of the virginity that is painful, it could just be that she’s not ready,” Kamera said. “If
she’s not lubricated enough, it will hurt.” Communication and mutual respect between partners is key to establishing the level of comfort needed for a smooth first-time experience, Kamera said. “If it’s something that people are looking forward to — so if you’re in a healthy relationship and you’ve now decided this is really what you want to do — the feelings associated with that may not necessarily be so bad because you’re prepared,” Kamera said. Rina Frederickson,* a secondyear student, said that, while she heard horror stories from her friends when she was younger, she worries more about the emotional implications of losing her virginity. “When you’re younger, you’re scared it’s going to hurt and you don’t really think about how you’re going to feel afterwards,” Frederickson said. “But as you get older, you don’t really worry about the pain as much as you worry about whether he’s going to call you the next day.” Her virginity is the one thing she’s “held on to,” she said. “The physical pain I’m not that scared of — the aftermath part of it is what scares me.” While the concept of women experiencing pain during their first
time is a long-held cultural fixation, the connection between the loss of male virginity and pain has never been as prevalent. However, the emotional toll on males can be significant. “I think men experience a lot of pressure from their peers and from media around trying to have sex as soon as you can,” Austin said. The emotional process males go through stemming from this pressure isn’t as prevalent in discussions about virginity, Kamera said. “The anxiety isn’t so much around the pain, it’s about the performance,” Kamera said. “When it comes to relationships, a lot of the time I think we think men handle it better than women for whatever reason, but they also have performance anxiety.” In terms of the physical pain, women are taught to associate it with losing their virginities. But according to Austin, the experience really does vary from person to person. “Some women do experience some discomfort and pain at first time intercourse, some don’t,” Austin said. “It’s really a lot more variable than I think our cultural beliefs really let on.” *Names have been changed to protect anonymity
It’s all a matter of taste Rumours run rampant when it comes to getting it on, but there are some things that just won’t fly By Monika Sidhu
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here’s a lot of he-said-she-said in today’s world of sex, leading to assumptions about what each gender likes or dislikes in the bedroom. So what do the students of Ryerson have to say about it? The men of Rye admit that they have a few assumptions about females, including the desire females have for their partners to be uncircumcised and their preference for sex only while in a committed relationship. Ryerson women aren’t shy about admitting their assumptions either, such as the belief that all men are turned on by a female’s moans during sex or that men wouldn’t want to be kissed after a blowjob. However, several students think there are some assumptions that need to be debunked completely. One female student debunked the assumption that women enjoy calling their partners “papi.” “You have to have serious daddy issues to enjoy calling the guy you’re sleeping with your father,” Natalie Johnson*, a student, said.
Some guys had a few misconceptions to correct as well. “A lot of women think that all guys want is just sex,” male student Alex Ens* said. “Maybe it’s just the guys I know, but it’s not all that they look for when they’re getting to know a lady.” All the interviewees had common opinions about where these misconceptions had come from — the media or more specifically, porn and R&B videos. Business student Steven Cadra* said he believes that it’s all a matter of preference — sometimes these things just get out there. Toronto sex educator and psychotherapist Tara McKee points out that making assumptions about what a partner may or may not like can actually be damaging. “Because [people] make an assumption based on experience, based on media or based on their friends, that’s when things get tricky,” she said. “Someone might feel like they’re supposed to fall into that assumption.” Assumptions can also reinforce traditional gender binaries, which can be difficult for those who might
PHOTO: JESS TSANG
not fall into black-and-white categories, she said. “We can speak so much about how women are this way and men are that way,” McKee said. “But I’m also seeing a lot of people who are curious about exploring their own gender[s], and exploring what that looks like to not fall into gen-
dered stereotypes.” Rachel Anders*, another student, says that assumptions aren’t necessarily true or false. “I mean, it only really took one person to get into hentai (anime porn) for it to be its own category on a porn site.” *Names have been changed
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Health and Hygiene
PHOTO: FARNIA FEKRI
Q&A with a gyno Feminine health with obstetrician and gynecologist Dr. Michele Farrugia By Chayonika Chandra Many women are too embarrassed to talk about the issues they may have “down there” and rely on Dr. Internet to solve their problems. We sat down with a real doctor, general obstetrician and gynaecologist Dr. Michele Farrugia from Mount Sinai Hospital, to ask the questions women might have about their genitalia. Q: Is it normal to get pimple-like bumps around your area? A: A lot of women, particularly now that shaving and waxing is so popular, often get skin rashes from little ingrown hairs. That’s what most of [the red bumps] are. Usually with ingrown hairs, it would be a tiny little red bump that might be slightly sore. If you use a loofah sponge or something similar, it keeps the hair growing out so it doesn’t get covered by skin. It’s dangerous if it leads to an infection or a cyst but that’ll be pretty pain-
ful, so you’ll know. Q: Why can sex continue to be painful after your first time? A: Sex is usually painful the first time around for most people but if it is always painful, then there is a problem. Someone should go see a physician in order to figure out why it’s so painful. There are many different reasons why sex might be painful. One is vaginismus, which is where the muscles around the vagina tighten up — usually involuntarily. There are exercises people can do to overcome [it]. Sometimes I send people to see a physiotherapist who specializes in the pelvic floor to help. You can also use vaginal dilators which are essentially dildos or vibrators. Q: Why does it itch down there? A: If you’re having vaginal itching, you need to go see your doctor. It is usually related to an infection, so maybe a yeast infection or another kind. There are a number of different dermatologic conditions that can affect the skin.
Q: Thoughts on sex and periods? A: There’s nothing wrong with having sex during your period. Q: How much discharge is considered normal or ‘too much’? A: Generally, if someone is bothered by the amount of discharge, it [should be] investigated. If you aren’t bothered by it, then don’t worry about it. Different women produce different amounts of discharge so what is normal for one woman might be abnormal for another woman. Q: What happens if you leak urine before, after or during sex? A: Nothing — urine leakage is not necessarily a bad thing. There are lots of different reasons as to why people leak urine under different circumstances. A little bit of incontinence can be related to problems people might face with the pelvic floor and relaxation. It could just be related to a full bladder or pressure on the bladder causing people to leak but it doesn’t mean anything particularly bad.
Contraceptives beyond the conventional
Quickies
By Laura Woodward Contraceptive implant: A small rod inserted under the skin of a woman’s arm. It releases progesterone hormones, which thin the uterine lining and thicken cervical mucus, making it hard for sperm to fertilize an egg, and can stop the release of an egg from your ovary. It lasts three years but women can get side effects such as irregular periods. Intrauterine device (IUD): A Tshaped device inserted in the cervix that is either plastic (with hormones) or copper (without). The copper IUD repels sperm so an egg can’t be fertilized and the plastic one releases progesterone for pregnancy prevention. The plastic type reduces menstrual flow by about 90 per cent. Contraceptive sponge: Foam sponge inserted into the vagina prior to sex. It traps and absorbs the sperm and releases a spermicide. Effectiveness is at its best when paired with other contraceptives. Generally, neither partner will feel
the sponge, but some find it hard to remove. Diaphragm: A silicone, domeshaped cup with a flexible rim. It’s inserted into the vagina to cover the cervix, acting as a barrier. Some find it difficult to insert. It may be pushed out of place by heavy thrusting and certain sexual positions. It doesn’t interfere with the body’s hormones. Birth control patch: A small square that sticks to the skin releasing progesterone and estrogen hormones. It’s applied once a week for three weeks, followed by a patchfree week. Side effects include bleeding between periods, breast tenderness, nausea and vomiting. Birth control shot (Depo-Provera): Contains the progesterone hormone. Women only need to be injected every 12 weeks. It is common for women to experience abdominal pain or headaches. Research is working towards more contraceptive methods for men, such as male birth control pills.
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It’s the climb A how-to for kegel excercises to help you climax By Emily Theodore A fit pelvic area is the key to more satisfying sex. Kegel exercises — the consistent repetition of retracting one’s pubococcygeus (PC) muscles along the pelvic floor — keeps vaginas toned, increases ejaculation control and makes orgasms more frequent for both men and women.
PHOTO: FARNIA FEKRI
Are we there yet? Orgasms are great. When you can get them. We’ll help you get there. By Deborah Hernandez and Emily Theodore Michelle*, a 20-year-old student at Ryerson, has had sex with eight partners and never orgasmed with any of them. “It feels like shit,” she says. “It makes me feel like there’s something wrong with my body.” While Michelle started masturbating at a young age and knows how to make herself orgasm, she has never experienced one with a partner — which negatively affects her relationships. “Whenever I’m able to make my boyfriend cum, which is basically 99 per cent of the time,” Michelle says. “I get jealous because I know I’ll never be able to experience that too.” But despite the stereotype, not all men can cum on command. Third-year student Jon* says that if men have problems orgasming, they just don’t talk about it. He says there’s still a heavy social stigma that giving and receiving orgasms and having sex comes naturally to all men. “When guys get together, they talk about funny or good sexual experiences,” he says. “You’d obviously get looked down on if you admit that your girlfriend or partner didn’t have an orgasm last night or even if you didn’t cum.” Sex educator Carlyle Jansen, who has thousands of workshops on sex and relationships — orgasms in particular — says that one of the biggest problems with sex is that nobody wants to talk about it. “Men are taught that they’re supposed to be born knowing how to have sex,” Jansen says. “If they
have to ask, they’re not a real man and if they have any sexual issues, they’re a loser and nobody’s going to want to be their lover.” But sex isn’t something everyone is good at right away, it’s a skill that can be developed, says the owner of the sex shop, Good For Her. This is why Jansen says it’s important to explore your own body by masturbating, so that you know what it takes to make yourself feel good. “As women, we’re told that we’re not supposed to be sexual beings. That if we are, we’re sluts, or whores and we’re selfish,” she says. “We’re supposed to be selfless. We’re supposed to be happy with whatever comes our way, so we don’t know how to ask.” Jansen says that though people are taught sexual education in school, no one talks about giving or receiving pleasure. She says girls learn about what the fallopian tubes and ovaries do, but nothing about what or where the clitoris is. For women like Jem*, a thirdyear student, clitoral stimulation is key. Jem says she has never orgasmed with any of her three partners because there was hardly any clitoral stimulation. According to the Kinsey Institute, a non-profit research institute for sexual health, 75 per cent of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and can’t orgasm from penetration alone. Jansen says this can easily be solved by positions like cowgirl (woman on top) or other sexual acts such as fingering and oral sex. But there are ways for women to increase the possibility of or-
gasming during sex that can be practiced without a man. Kegel exercises — the repetitive motion of retracting one’s pubococcygeus (PC) muscles along the pelvic floor — is an easy way for women to increase sexual stimulation. The illusion of a tighter vagina is achieved after kegel exercises and the best thing about them is that they can be practiced almost anywhere and at any time. In 1952, gynecologist Dr. Arnold Henry Kegel published an article that concluded that orgasms were more frequent among women who did his exercises. Many women were able to experience an orgasm for the first time after regularly exercising their kegel or PC muscles for three to six weeks. “Observations in more than 3,000 women ranging in age from 16 to 74 years have led to the conclusion that sexual feeling within the vagina is closely related to muscle tone and can be improved through muscle education and resistive exercise,” says Dr. Kegel in his report, the Sexual Functions of the Pubococcygeus Muscle. “Seventy-eight of 123 women complaining explicitly of sexual deficits achieved orgasm following the training.” But Jem says that a woman not orgasming doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not satisfied. “To be honest, [orgasms are] not really something I’ve lingered on for too long,” she says. “I was never really upset or concerned. Not cumming basically just kept my sex drive going even after he’s finished.” *Names have been changed to protect anonymity.
To do kegel exercises, isolate your PC or kegel region. Women can find these muscles by trying to stop their pee midstream without contracting the lower body for support. Tighten and release your PCs for 10 seconds. Eventually start doing 10 to 20 kegel exercises three times a day. Other variations of kegel exercises for women include slow kegel, in which one squeezes her PC muscles for 10 repetitions of five seconds for a total of 50 seconds.
In a pull-in kegel, tense your butt and pull your legs up and in for a total of 50 seconds. An exercise women can do at the gym requires a kettle bell. Stand with it hanging in front of you and thrust it forward with your hips. Keep your core tight and don’t use your arms to pull. A man can find his PC muscles by pretending to stop a passage of gas. Contract these muscles for a slow count of five seconds and release them after the same duration. Aim for three sets of 10 repetitions a day. When vaginal muscles are toned and tightened, contractions are harder and the grip throughout intercourse becomes tighter as she orgasms. Many women experience an orgasm for the first time after regularly exercising their PC muscles for three to six weeks. It is better to do kegel exercises on an empty bladder. If you have to pee, go to the bathroom before hand.
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Wednesday, Feb. 12, 2014
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LOVE & SEX
Butt sex...
We tell you what’s what in the butt By Julia Ho
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ometimes sex is all about the ass. But it’s not just for homosexual men. According to a 2010 American national sex survey in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, anal sex — especially among straight couples — is more popular than ever. “My girlfriend now really attracted me to it,” says Mike*, a first-year biochemistry student who enjoys anal sex. “She has a nice ass.” Despite it being a taboo topic, the study showed that 20 per cent of women ages 18 to 19 have tried anal sex — by ages 20 to 24 the number doubles to 40 per cent. “We’ve done it a few times and I would want it to become a regular thing,” Mike says, adding that he prefers it to vaginal sex. Mike likes anal sex so much that he says he would be fine if vaginal sex was completely replaced with anal. He attributes the pleasurable experience to the “tighter opening in the butthole” and says that it’s comforting to know that he has a much lower risk of getting his girl-
friend pregnant. Whether we like it or not, the anus is prone to a lot of sensitivity, often resulting in immense pleasure when stimulated. But like many first times, it can hurt. “It hurt a lot,” says Sabrina*, a first-year journalism student who recently started having anal sex. “My boyfriend read Cosmopolitan, bought all the preparatory items and did everything right, but I was just too uptight and tense.” By their second attempt at anal, Sabrina says it no longer hurt and credited the absence of pain to what her boyfriend calls “finger fun.” “Communication is key. Know your limits and make sure you’re comfortable,” says Greg*, a firstyear business management student who considers himself versatile, but has mostly bottomed in the bedroom. “Fingering is a good way of preparing and bottoms need to relax. Learn to open yourself up,” he says. “Bottoming” is the term used to describe the person who is penetrated and “topping” means being the person who penetrates his or her partner. To be versatile, like Greg, means doing both — but some men
PHOTO: FARNIA FEKRI
have difficulty performing in one of the roles. “They’re just not into it,” Greg says, referring to some men who are incapable of getting an erection when asked to top. Butt plugs and sex toys are very popular, especially during foreplay, to help prepare the anus for penetration. Butt plugs can progress in size and are usually taken out right before insertion. Inhalants, such as poppers, are very popular for their ability to enhance sex. Poppers allow the muscles to relax, allowing for easier penetration.
“It all comes down to how you do it,” says Juannittah Kamera, the health and promotion program coordinator at Ryerson’s Student Health and Wellness Centre. “You need to consider things like skin breakage; you need to be wary and careful of hygiene issues.” She says the use of dental dams is encouraged in order to avoid transmission of diseases through penetration, oral play and finger play. Whether you’re straight or gay, it’s always safer to use protection and get regular testing. Never go from the anus to the vagina unless you’re changing condoms — or fingers —
in between. If you can’t find a dental dam, Kamera suggested rolling open a condom and cutting it on one side to create a flat, sheeted barrier. Besides preparation, Greg says to remember to enjoy it and make sure to tell your partner if he or she is doing a good job. “I had [anal] sex with someone once and there was no moaning. Nothing. It was so bad,” Greg says. “I had to keep asking if they were having a good time and it ruins it. It kills [the mood].” *Names have been changed to protect anonymity.
Love & SEx
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Fetish
Wednesday, Feb. 12, 2014
PHOTO: Farnia Fekri
Coming out kink Want to be laced up in latex and lick boots? Here are some healthy tips on how to tell your partner that it’s time to try something a little... freaky-deaky By Kate Sloan
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What piece of information about yourself would freak out your loved ones most? What secret would make you feel like your world was crumbling if it was let out? Odds are you’re thinking of something sexual — something you’re into or something you’ve always wanted to do but have been too scared to talk about with anyone, even your significant other. Just for you, here are some tips on how to “come out” to your partner as kinky — and how not to.
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that if kink is a central part of your sexuality, you should look for dating partners in a kink-positive environment. FetLife.com, for example, is a networking site where people with kinkier-than-usual tastes can meet and talk. The popular dating site OkCupid also has options that allow you to filter out those whose sexual quirks don’t match yours.
DO: Hint at your interests early on in a low-pressure way. “You can mention in casual ways — maybe not on the first date — that you like to be kinky and creative in bed,” Dr. Neustifter suggests. Keeping it casual makes it seem normal and DO: Be willing to compromise. sexy, rather than weird and scary. “Everyone has a line they won’t cross, but they will toe it periodi- DON’T: Bring it up in the heat of cally,” says second-year journal- the moment. “I would advise my ism student Sofie Mikhaylova. She fellow kinky playmates against ‘fessed up about her kinks and her springing their kink on their partpartner was supportive and open ner during sexual activity of any to indulging them. “Some stuff, she form,” says Mia*, a fourth-year just didn’t want to do, which I ob- sociology student who’s in a polyviously respect since she is explor- amorous relationship with a couing something sexual and fun for ple, both of whom are aware of her me and I want it to be within her kinks. “It’s best to have the initial conversation… before introducing comfort zone.” a non-conventional act, prop or beDON’T: Date “vanilla” folks at haviour during sexy times.” all if you know you’re not going to be satisfied. Dr. Ruth Neustifter, DO: Give your partner time to a Guelph-based sex therapist, says mull it over. “You’ve been think-
ing about it for a long time, but it’s new to them,” Dr. Neustifter says. Let your partner know that you don’t need or even want an answer from them right away — let them take some time to decide how comfortable they are. DON’T: Threaten to break up with them if they won’t fulfill your kink. This might seem extreme, but Dr. Neustifter says it’s a surprisingly common strategy — and a bad one. “Nobody ever wants to hear an ultimatum,” she says. Even if it’s a dealbreaker for you to have a partner who won’t do what you want in bed, to keep that information to yourself so it doesn’t influence your partner’s decision. Mikhaylova agrees, “Don’t pressure anyone to do anything!” DO: “Always have a safeword,” Mikhaylova says. A safeword is a word or phrase that either person can say at any point during sex to end the encounter immediately. Choose an unusual word, like “rhubarb” or “soliloquy,” as opposed to “no” or “stop,” because you or your partner might want to pretend to put up a fight in the context of a BDSM roleplay without actually wanting to stop. Having a safeword in place may make a nervous partner feel better.
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Wednesday, Feb. 12, 2014
PHOTO: jess tsang
BDSM basics Q&A
PHOTO: jess tsang
The Eyeopener sat down with some sales clerks at The Love Shop in order to get the lowdown on BDSM: bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism By Bahoz Dara Q: What advice do you have for anyone getting into BDSM? A: I would advise them to start slow. You don’t need to jump right into it. You see a lot of the hardcore whipping and flogging, which is a part of the scene definitely, but not everybody needs to go to that angle. The fetish isn’t always about physical pain either. There is a lot of psychological play involved. Some people just like the idea of being controlled, being owned; some people might just want to be blindfolded, to have the sensory deprivation for the fetish in and of itself. Q: What equipment would you suggest for someone to start with, if you are a beginner? A: For a beginner I would suggest probably either rope or leather cuffs. I definitely would not recommend handcuffs because those are much more aesthetic than anything and the metal can actually cut in and cause nerve damage if you get too rough with it. You want something that you can easily remove if your partner calls a safety word if things get too intense. Q: What are your thoughts on the stigma surrounding BDSM culture? A: Well, I mean, sex in and of itself has a lot of stigma attached to it. That’s applicable to everything.
[Anything] that you are unaware of and doesn’t fit inside a category that you are comfortable with is going to terrify people regardless. I think the representation of it is awful in terms of what we get in media. Q: Can you explain specifically how you feel BDSM is represented wrongly in the media? A: Well sex itself too, I mean we’re taught that voyeurs are almost kind of an interesting thing. We like to watch people have sex in terms of what is represented in television or movies or celebrity gossip — ‘who’s screwing who?’ We’re so interested in that, but the minute you have to turn around and talk about your own sexuality and what you are interested in, ‘no, no, no we can’t talk about that.’ It’s about gaining a next level of trust with a partner. The basis for BDSM is trust, more so than any other relationship, sexual or emotional. If you can’t have an open conversation and make sure you can outline your limitations and what you’re comfortable with you can’t engage in it. Q: Do you think there are any gender roles that come into play when engaging in BDSM? A: In terms of the community I don’t think so. Outsiders may assume a gender-specific kind of role for what goes on but in terms of being inside the community it’s quite gender neutral.
Q: So what would you say to an outsider who stigmatizes a male for taking a submissive role in BDSM? A: I think that is a social stigma associated with a male-dominated society. That breaks away once you step into the scene. There are just as many [female] dominatrixes as there are male dominants. Q: So what exactly is this BDSM community? A: Think about it [like you’d think about] the gay community. It is exactly the same kind of structure in a sense. Most people have their little groups or they like have ways of contacting and finding out information of how to involve themselves in the community. It’s the same exact kind of set up as the queer community. It’s not like we all congregate in a dungeon, it’s nothing like that. Q: Any last bits of advice? A: I would say check it out if you are interested. Like we said, take it slow, don’t jump into anything that you are uncomfortable with — but definitely explore. Find out information through reliable sources. Don’t use particular types of books that [inaccurately portray it] like Fifty Shades of Grey. Make sure you are the one looking for it yourself. If you’re researching it, you will find the correct information. Just because a porn star does [something] to another porn star, this does not mean your [partner] is going to like [it].
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LOVE & SEX
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Wednesday, Feb. 12, 2014
Fifty shades of overplayed Almost three years after the iconic erotica’s release, its influence is fading By Kate Sloan
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ifty Shades of Grey changed the world by making BDSM (bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism) normal. Society is still feeling the aftershocks three years later. E.L. James’s trilogy started out as nothing more than Twilight fanfiction posted online for Twihards to drool over. A few name changes later and it became a worldwide sensation, telling the story of virginal Ana Steele, domineering Christian Grey and their kinky love affair. James admitted that the book’s tense erotic situations came from her own sexual fantasies about being dominated. Of all the people on Time magazine’s 2012 list of “The World’s 100 Most Influential People.” Amongst politicians, musicians and athletes, James stands out because she gained fame by manifesting her own sexual fantasies into a book series. BDSM suddenly became main-
PHOTO: jess tsang
stream once women across North America started to obsess over the James’s erotica. But not everyone raved about Fifty Shades of Grey. Some members of the kink community found the book’s storyline unrealistic and called its central relationship abusive. In a joint study conducted by professors at Ohio State University and Michigan State University found that the story perpetuated and romanticized intimate partner violence since Grey employs abusive behaviours such as stalking, intimidation and isolation. Feminist writer Carey Purcell agreed. “After reading this book series, I am deeply afraid that this type of relationship will be viewed as the romantic ideal for women,” she wrote in an opinion piece for the Huffington Post. “I consider that to be extremely dangerous.” Two-and-a-half years after the book’s initial release, the hysteria finally seems to have died down. Lelo, a luxury sex toy company, found in a recent sex survey that most couples have returned to
“vanilla” sex — that is, sex without the bells and whistles of roleplay and bondage. BDSM toy sales have dropped, while plain old vibrators are making a comeback. More than 80 per cent of those surveyed said their fantasies just weren’t as much fun when translated to reality. he book’s heartthrob uses countless kinky toys like blindfolds, restraints, floggers and nipple clamps, so naturally these products flew off the shelves following the book’s massive success. In one memorable scene, Ana uses Ben Wa balls, a small set of weighted spheres that can be “worn” inside the vagina and improve vaginal muscle tone, resulting in stronger and longer orgasms. Lelo announced that sales numbers for their own Ben Wa balls increased 400 per cent during the Fifty Shades craze. They even released a special “grey” edition of the toy to cash in on the trend. “We’re very happy that E.L. James and the Fifty Shades book
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PHOTO: jess tsang
series is joining us in turning women on to the idea of a healthier sensuality,” said Lelo’s marketing manager Donna Faro in a PR statement.
James stands out because she gained fame by manifesting her own sexual fantasies into a book series James even designed and released her own line of sex toys modelled after the ones the characters use in the book with names that reference specific passages, like the “Twitchy Palm” spanking paddle, the “Insatiable Desire” Gspot vibrator and the “Something Forbidden” butt plug. “I’m so excited that the toys I described in the books have come to life and can now be enjoyed around the world,” James wrote at the time. James’s novel temporarily amped up couples’ sex lives world-
wide. Netmums, an English parenting website, conducted a survey of over 2,000 Brits and found that they were having sex three times as often as they did before reading the book. Forty per cent of respondents said they had formerly stuck to just one sexual position but their repertoires had now expanded to at least five. Britain’s favourite position in a post-Fifty Shades was reverse cowgirl. Likewise, Lelo’s 2012 global sex survey found that participants’ sex sessions lasted 15 minutes longer on average than they had before reading the book. The number of people who reported enjoying sexual roleplay tripled since the previous year. The novel has evoked visceral reactions, both positive and negative. It revved the engines of thousands of housewives and just as quickly faded into irrelevance. It has fallen out of favour for the time being — but just wait until the movie hits theatres in 2015. The world might get a little kinkier.
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image: richard cocks
SEX TOys could have prevented this... the eyeopener has a big old basket of Stag Shop goodies for you. enter our contest by writing your name, student number, contact info and porn star name down and entering at the eyeopener office by noon feb 13. Entry box is at scc207
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LOVE & SEX
Wednesday, Feb. 12, 2014
Thus concludes another edition of Love and Sex here at the Eyeopener. We wanted to take some time to thank everybody who made this possible: the models, the Stag Shop and everyone who sent us kick-ass stories — maybe even 50 asses. Thanks to all our quality control specialists and vibrator technicians. Special thanks to the fluffers, stage grips and lube specialists. Anyway, the paper wouldn’t be complete without trying to throw a bunch of free stuff in your face. This week we have $20 to the Stag Shop! Fill in all the personal information to the right, sign in blood and drop your entry in the contest box at SCC 207.
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Wednesday Feb. 12, 2014
