THE EX FACTOR GUIDE The Comprehensive Guide To Getting Your Ex Back Third Edition -- Published February 2014
By Brad Browning
©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Important Disclaimers By purchasing this product, you are confirming that you understand and accept the following important disclaimers:
This Product Is Not A Substitute For Certified Professional Counseling This product is not a substitute for counseling, advice, or medical assistance administered by certified professionals. The author does not guarantee the accuracy or effectiveness of any information or advice provided within this product. If you are unsure about the advice or information provided by Brad Browning or found in this product, seek further assistance from a certified professional.
Know The Signs Of Depression & Seek Help If Needed Breakups and relationship conflict can lead to sadness, depression, and a wide range of other difficult emotions. This is to be expected and is normal for most people. However, in rare circumstances, or with individuals who suffer from medical or psychological conditions, breakups can lead to clinical depression. If, at any time, you believe that the depression symptoms you are experiencing are not normal – or if you have thoughts of suicide or self-harm – seek professional help immediately. Regardless of where you live, there are mental health resources and assistance available to you. Contact your doctor or phone your local health care provider to find the help you need in your local area. Click here to see a list of symptoms associated with depression. If you encounter any of these symptoms, seek help from a certified mental health practitioner.
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Table of Contents Chapter 1: Introduction ................................................................................................................... 9 I’m Here To Help If You Need It ................................................................................................................ 13 The Real Reason You’re Alone ................................................................................................................. 14
Chapter 2: Attractive Characteristics .............................................................................................. 17 Chapter 3: Unattractive Characteristics .......................................................................................... 27 Chapter 4: Panic & Acceptance ...................................................................................................... 36 Don’t Pressure Him ................................................................................................................................. 39 Some Good News .................................................................................................................................... 40
Chapter 5: Start With ‘No Contact’ ................................................................................................. 43 Why 31 Days? ......................................................................................................................................... 45 “But I Can’t Wait That Long!” ................................................................................................................... 47 What If You Broke Up A While Ago?......................................................................................................... 49 What If Your Ex Lives In Another City? ..................................................................................................... 50 Pick Up An Old Hobby (Or A New One!) ................................................................................................... 54 Lean On Your Friends .............................................................................................................................. 56 Start Exercising More .............................................................................................................................. 57 Focus More Energy On Your Work ........................................................................................................... 58 What If No Contact is Physically Impossible? ............................................................................................ 59
Chapter 6: Start Dating Other Men................................................................................................. 64
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How To Let Her Know You’re Dating ........................................................................................................ 64 Hang Out With Mutual Friends ................................................................................................................ 68 Take A Lot Of Pictures – And Post Them!.................................................................................................. 68 What If He’s Dating Other Women Already? ............................................................................................ 69
Chapter 7: What If He Contacts You?.............................................................................................. 72 What If He Calls? ..................................................................................................................................... 76
Chapter 8: What If He Doesn’t Contact You? .................................................................................. 81 You Have Two Options… .......................................................................................................................... 83 What Should You Text Her? ..................................................................................................................... 84 The Pointless Text ................................................................................................................................... 85 The Good Reminder Text ......................................................................................................................... 86 How You Should Call Him ........................................................................................................................ 89 When He Calls Or Writes You Back… ........................................................................................................ 91 “What If This Doesn’t Work?” .................................................................................................................. 95
Chapter 9: The “Date”.................................................................................................................... 98 Body Language & Tone of Voice ............................................................................................................... 98 Conversation Topics For The “Date” ....................................................................................................... 100 How To Tell A Good Story ...................................................................................................................... 100 Focus On… ............................................................................................................................................ 102
Chapter 10: Seduce Him All Over Again .........................................................................................105 Seduction In A Nutshell ......................................................................................................................... 106 Attraction ............................................................................................................................................. 107
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Tease Him! ............................................................................................................................................ 108 Kinesthetic Attraction............................................................................................................................ 110 Taking Kino A Step Further .................................................................................................................... 113 Find An Excuse To Move Locations ......................................................................................................... 115 How To Kiss Him.................................................................................................................................... 116 My “6 Magic Words” ............................................................................................................................. 117 A Dirty Attraction Tip… .......................................................................................................................... 118
Chapter 11: Sex! ...........................................................................................................................120 What To Do After Sex ............................................................................................................................ 121
Chapter 12: Preventing Breakup ...................................................................................................126 Keep Things Interesting ......................................................................................................................... 127 Induce Jealousy ..................................................................................................................................... 131
Chapter 13: Conclusion .................................................................................................................133
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Chapter 1
Introduction ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 1: Introduction Welcome to The Ex Factor Guide! This e-book is the comprehensive guide to getting your boyfriend back. Let me start off by saying this… I know exactly how you feel right now. I know the gut-wrenching feeling of having your heart broken into a billion little pieces, only to hear “Don’t talk to me.” and “I don’t care.” I know the feeling of having that person call you up and tell you he doesn’t love you anymore. I know the feeling of having this person ignore you to the point that they won’t even look at you or talk to you. I know the feeling of walking home after a hard day’s work only to catch them kissing another person in your bedroom. I know how it feels to take a glance at your ex’s cell phone, only to read several text messages from other people saying what they want to do with him or her in bed. I just know. You can trust me on that. Even as I write this, all those horrible feelings come back to haunt me. It kills me to know that you’re going through this right now. I just want you to know that I’ve felt everything you are feeling right now plus much, much more. But here’s the reality of the situation…
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I’m here today, right now… and I’m emotionally stable. I’m writing this to you despite my past grievances and breakups. I’m happy. I’m just letting you know that down the road… no matter what happens, it’ll be okay. I know that’s probably something you’ve heard already – maybe you’ve heard it from a friend or a family member. And I do know that right now, it doesn’t feel like anything is ever going to be ok. I’m here to tell you that it will. I also know you’ve been frantically searching for a surefire way get your ex boyfriend back. Maybe you’ve asked a close friend or one of your relatives, but I know what they probably told you… “Just tell him you love him and he’ll come running back!” ”Tell him that you’re sorry for being the way you are and show him that you care!” While this advice sounds logical, it’s the last thing you should do if you ever want to see your boyfriend or husband again. Do you want to learn the first step on how to get your boyfriend back right now? Don’t do anything right now… except read this book from cover to cover.
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You heard me…. read this book in its entirety, right now, before you do anything else. Frankly, I wish someone gave me a book like this when my first long-term girlfriend dumped me. Had I received some proper guidance, I wouldn’t have made so many stupid mistakes. In fact, I’d probably still be with her right now. I can tell you for a fact that you are probably doing something right now that is actually pushing your ex boyfriend or husband further away from you (and into the arms of another woman). Unless you apply all of the advice and strategies I discuss in this book, that will continue to be the case. The more you read this book, and the more you understand the information that I’m telling you, the better chances you’ll have of reigniting your relationship with him. I understand if you’re skeptical, but I’ve helped thousands of women around the world get back the love of their lives. I’ve been a relationship coach for years and I even write a relationship advice column for LoveLearnings.com. And though it is impossible to know my exact success rate, I can tell you confidently that above 70%. If that doesn’t get you excited, then maybe this will: the rest of the women that failed to get their
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boyfriends back didn’t bother to follow my instructions properly! Stick with me to the end and I’ll guarantee you that you will find happiness. I promise you from the very bottom of my heart that I want you to succeed. That’s why I wrote this book. I didn’t write this book to gain fame and fortune. I genuinely want to help women cure their broken hearts. I’m sick and tired of poor ladies all around the world getting walked all over by their exes. I’m sick and tired of women e-mailing me and crying for help. And I’m sick of all the desperation and tears. I’ve tried to make this book as short as possible. Unlike other relationship books, I won’t fill this book with unrelated garbage. I’ll only tell you what you need to know and nothing more because I know that your time is valuable. If you have any questions about the book, please add me as a friend Facebook, follow me on Twitter, and add me to your Google+ circles. I encourage you to add me to all three as I regularly post useful
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content that you can apply immediately. I’m also happy to answer quick questions via social media, either privately or on my public profile, so feel free to drop me a line. And by the way, when this program works for you, I give you permission to send me an awesome gift. I’ll give you my address at the end of this book. (P.S., I’ve always wanted an Apple iPad!).
I’m Here To Help If You Need It In case you missed my offer when you signed up to the program, I offer personal 1-on-1 coaching. Because I know how difficult it can be to cope with the loss of someone, I can be there for you to personally guide you through the steps of getting your ex back. Most of my coaching clients have had remarkable success, which makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, but it also makes my personal coaching service a worthwhile investment for those who need further advice that’s custom tailored to their unique situation. Everybody is different and every situation is different. If you sign up for my personal coaching service, I will personally tailor a plan of action specific to getting your
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ex back. If you want to check out the details of my personal coaching service, you can click here for additional information or to sign up now. I won’t be able to offer this service forever, as I can only help so many clients a month, so I recommend you sign up ASAP to ensure you’re able to reserve your spot.
The Real Reason You’re Alone You can drive yourself insane asking questions about what went wrong in your relationship. I know I did. Sometimes, the reasons why a relationship ends can be quite complex… but usually understanding what went wrong will help identify the very best way to get your boyfriend back into your arms. Although the reasons for a breakup may be quite varied and numerous, they all boil down to one significant factor: your boyfriend has lost her attraction for you. Whether this loss of attraction resulted from one specific event or occurred slowly over many months, something has occurred that forced him to move on and break up with you. A famous relationship expert once said that “attraction isn’t a choice”. Sadly, he’s absolutely right. You simply cannot force yourself to be attracted to somebody. Think
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of an ugly, unattractive male friend you have that you don’t find the least bit attractive. You can’t force yourself to fall in love him, can you? Sure, maybe there’s a chance you’d be okay having sex with him if you were drunk and the chance arose (with a brown paper bag over his head), but there’s nothing you can do to make yourself love him if he just isn’t your “cup of tea.” This is the same for men. You simply can’t flick a switch and make a guy love you again, in the same way you can’t snap your fingers and make yourself love that ugly friend of yours (even though he might be the nicest person on the planet, attraction can’t be forced, it has to occur naturally). You can, however, learn how to manipulate your behavior to make yourself much more attractive to the opposite sex… and more importantly, to your ex-boyfriend. In the next chapter, I’ll briefly go over the list of attractive female qualities.
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Chapter 2
Attractive Characteristics ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 2: Attractive Characteristics What you’re about to read is information that most women will never know in their entire lives. This is a nearly exhaustive list of traits that attractive women possess. Do you know any girls that are just naturally gifted with other men? Study this list and you’ll find that your friend possesses many of these attractive characteristics…
1.) You are feminine. Sorry if you are a tom boy (and some men might be into that), but men are attracted to women. Not women-boys, not a girl that’s “rough around the edges,” but a fully out, sexual lady. That means you act like a girl. You’re submissive at times. You make him feel like a man.
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2.) You don’t let other people affect and change your reality – especially on an emotional level. Attractive men are used to seeing women get emotionally flustered when they’re around them. But when they see a girl who is completely indifferent to them, they get emotionally flustered.
You see, men have a little bit of a “Sixth Sense.” No, this doesn’t mean they see ghosts that jump out of the television screen (though, at times, a man may seem this psychotic… but that’s for an entirely different book altogether). Men are very attuned to women who try too hard. They can read your body language and decipher underlying truths of what you’re “actually” trying to say. And based on these factors, they can deduce how sexually needy you are. 3.) You don’t care what other people think of you. Highly attractive women don’t care about what others think of them. Sure, that doesn’t mean that they ACTUALLY don’t care, but you want to convey as if you’re a confidence woman who’s comfortable in her own skin. 4.) You take care of yourself. That means that you’re well-groomed. For most women, this isn’t a problem… but make sure you’ve got this part of you down.
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Hint: don’t go overboard though. Men hate women with too much makeup on. Think simple and elegant. 5.) You know how to provoke a positive emotional response in men. In other words, you know how to have fun. That means making him laugh. You’ve probably heard that humor is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs a man can possess but the same goes for women. And, the majority of the time, if you ask a man what he looks for in a woman, there’s a very good chance that he’ll probably say “humor.” Use it! If you aren’t blessed with natural charm and the ability to make men laugh, then don’t worry because you can learn this skill. 6.) You are rich (and I don’t mean financially). You are culturally, mentally, and emotionally rich. Because of this, you are a selfless giver to the ones you love. You don’t give your value to people you don’t know and it takes a lot for someone to get into your “good books.” Since you have an abundance of value, you never need anything. Loser girls constantly ask for money and love, but “high-value” women never ask for anything. They are independent and strong. Did you make this mistake when you were in your relationship?
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7.) You are intelligent and talented. You have passions that extend beyond grooming puppies and makeup. Men are attracted to women that have a diverse array of skills… and same goes for the other way around. That means you love playing the piano. You sing. You dance. You can paint. You can juggle eight chainsaws simultaneously while you fish… in the dark! You get the picture. 8.) You are social. You’ve got a ton of girlfriends and you are very socially “aware.” You love your friends and treat them with respect. In your eyes, your friends are of very high value and you don’t surround yourself with losers. You also know how to make friends easily. And most importantly, you think your friends are hot too! 9.) You have goals. You’re ambitious. No boyfriend wants a lazy and uninspired girlfriend. You need to know exactly what you want and exactly how to get it. Even something as little as announcing what you’re going to do that day – and then doing it – makes a huge difference. Don’t be afraid to share your goals with men. This is extremely sexy! 10.) Other men want you. Although this may have been a source of problems in your relationship, you’ve never cheated. You also make it known to your boyfriend
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that other women that are chasing you. Other relationship experts call this “preselection.” When a man sees that you’re with other attractive men, he is hardwired to feel attraction for you. Sometimes relationships get boring because there’s no “risk” of losing their mates. Yes, this sounds absurd, but it’s true. Carefully and subtly, let him know that other men are interested, but that you don’t care about them. 11.) You’re a bold protector of the ones you are closest to. That means you know how to take care of your friends and your family. You stick up for your boyfriend through thick and thin. You support him, no matter what. 12.) You understand him. “Oh my God! Edward Cullen from Twilight! It’s like he understands me!” Well, that’s what women want… sure. But men want this too. Men desire to feel like they’re understood.
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13.) You’re humble. I bet some other relationship guides have told you that you need to always be “cocky and confident” to the point that you’re borderline arrogant, but I’m here to tell you that men are incredibly turned off by this. Showing a man you have great value isn’t about telling him that you have value, it’s about showing him you have value. There’s a difference. Walking up to a man and saying, “I’m filthy rich” is quite different from driving up to the same man in a shiny new Ferrari and smiling at him. 14.) You are a lover for all the right reasons. You don’t love your man because of his money (if you did, then you should probably rethink your relationship). You are in love with him because you truly, deeply, and unequivocally love him. If your man senses that this isn’t the case, he’ll be gone… so don’t be surprised he left you if this was the reason. 15.) You’re powerful, decisive, and you don’t take crap from anyone! You don’t tolerate bad behavior from anyone. And if anyone does something “wrong” you call him or her out on it and you make sure it doesn’t happen again.
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16.) You’re an optimist – not a pessimist. You’re a “half cup full” type of person. Remember, your world is always a great place to be. People are happy to be around you. People aren’t going to be happy around if you are constantly bitching and complaining about how things never go your way. Not only will this make you more attractive, but it’s also proven that positive people are much more likely to be successful than people who are constantly down on themselves. 17.) You’re always comfortable to be around. You aren’t constantly stressed out about your life. You’re always cool, calm, and collected. There’s no unnecessary drama in your life. Being stressed out will only make your boyfriend stressed out. This isn’t a good thing. You usually have a calm and relaxed demeanor about yourself. People effortlessly get along with you and you rarely ever get flustered. 18.) You’re candid with men. You’re honest. Obviously, you don’t try and be someone you’re not and you stay truthful on all levels. Although you’re candid with men, you aren’t too forward to the point that you come off as a bitch. You politely voice your opinion.
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19.) You identify with men’s emotions. You know what he’s feeling and you know how to communicate with man on an emotional level effectively. Failure to know what a man is feeling often leads to conflict. 20.) You have a sensitive side. Women are supposed to be sensitive. And like I said in the first point, being feminine is a turn on for a man; so don’t be afraid to spill your emotions out once in awhile. In the good way! 21.) You’re a nurturer. Yes, it’s the age-old stereotype. Men are the providers while women are the nurturers, but it’s true. Women are caring creatures, so don’t be afraid to care for animals, children, and you name it. And yes, take care of your boyfriend. He will appreciate it. 22.) You’re fit. Yes, this book is meant to be 100% honest. If you aren’t fit, your man won’t be as sexually attracted to you. This isn’t everything, so don’t let this get to your head if you don’t exactly have the body of Charlize Theron. But when you have a chance, don’t be afraid to go to the gym and have a solid workout. 23.) You’re willing to participate. Whether it’s playing videogames, snorkeling, or doing something that you maybe don’t particularly enjoy all that much, just do it!
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Men are incredibly turned on by this.
Remember the location of this chapter, because I’ll be referring back to it several times over the course of this book. It’s probably in your best interest to memorize this list, too, as well because it will only help you get your boyfriend back. And although I know your only goal is to win him back, it never hurts to know how to be good with men in general. Because… who knows? Maybe once you get back with your ex, you’ll realize that he isn’t really for you and you’ll want to play the dating game again. Whatever the case might be, I’ll help you with whatever decision you choose to make.
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Chapter 3
Unattractive Characteristics ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 3: Unattractive Characteristics Men leave their girlfriends and wives because the attraction disappears, and there are several key reasons why attraction fades. I guarantee you that the reason your relationship ended was because you showed at least one of these fatal characteristics (which I’ll list below). These are things that repel men. All of these traits, not surprisingly, are caused primarily by insecurity. These are what I like to call The Six Deadly Sins in a relationship.
1.)
Being way too controlling. Men hate it when their ladies put weird and unrealistic restraints on their lives. This means she won’t let him talk to other girls or even hang out with his friends. The root cause of this behavior is fear – fear of losing her boyfriend or fear that he will find a better woman. Sometimes
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the more controlling a woman can get over her boyfriend, the less control she’ll actually have. It’s important to give your boyfriend space. If you do everything else properly, this will give him an incentive to miss you. 2.)
Having low self-esteem. Always being down and depressed is very unattractive. Some women are self-demeaning in a humorous manner, but if self-esteem is a serious issue, then don’t be surprised that your boyfriend left you. If you think your self-esteem problem runs deeper than most, it might the time to go the doctor – depression is the type of thing that could very well be something that’s beyond your control.
3.)
Being “clingy” or always needing attention. If you think your man likes it when you constantly call him/text him/message him… then you’re wrong. Space is extremely important in creating attraction. I mean, chances are you’ve probably been on the other side of the coin – haven’t you ever had a guy constantly barrage you with text messages and phone calls? Were you attracted to this dude? Chances are, you probably weren’t. High value women never need human interaction because they receive an abundance of it from a variety of people every day. So don’t tell him you love his too much… tell him only when he
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deserves it. 4.)
Being jealous all the time. Maybe you really don’t like how he’s hanging out with his friends… or maybe one of his guy co-workers is getting to you. If you let this genuinely get to you, you are communicating to your boyfriend in an indirect way that he has more value than you. Jealousy is the ultimate form of insecurity.
If you’re the jealous type (and unfortunately, sometimes you can’t control these emotions) then force yourself to make it seem that you aren’t jealous. You need to take on the attitude that “other women are completely harmless because you are higher value than all of them.” Most of the time, if you were good enough to attract your boyfriend in the first place, this will be true… so you really have nothing to worry about. 99% of the time, jealousy is completely unjustified. There’s a great quote about relationships in the movie ‘40 Year Old Virgin’: “Don’t put the pussy (or penis) on the pedestal.” In other words, don’t make your boyfriend your whole entire life. Make it so that you have other things you care about instead of (or in addition to) his.
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5.)
Seeking external validation. High quality women never seek validation from anybody. They just do things on their own terms and they don’t care what others think of them. This is incredibly attractive. The complete opposite, however, isn’t. Maybe you’ve asked your boyfriend things like, “Do you really love me? How much? Do you think I’m skinny? Are my boobs big enough? Did you have a good time with me?”
By asking these questions to your boyfriend, you are simply subcommunicating to him that you’re not sure if you’re good enough for him (otherwise you wouldn’t be asking these questions in the first place). You’re going to have to live with the fact that you’re not perfect – nobody is. The attractive thing to do is to just simply accept who you are and be comfortable in your own skin.
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6.) Cheating. I hope I don’t have to really explain why this is an incredibly unattractive trait for a woman to have. Have you ever been cheated on? If you have, then I’m very sorry. It is indeed a terrible feeling… and it’s a feeling that you would never want to put your boyfriend through. The truth is, people cheat all the time. Though, the reasons boyfriends cheat are usually because of these 6 pointers we’ve just talked about – that is, being clingy, having low self-esteem, being jealous, being controlling, seeking external validation, and being unfaithful. It’s either that, or you simply haven’t exhibited enough of the attractive qualities mentioned earlier in this book.
This list of unattractive qualities is certainly not exhaustive. Sometimes, constant disagreements can be the root of the problem. This is a common killer of relationships. Most arguments that ultimately kill relationships have to do with appreciation or the lack of it. Men need to feel appreciated by their women. When the feeling of appreciation dissipates, this will lead to conflict and argument. No matter the reason why attraction fades, the effects are always the same. Your boyfriend will feel less attracted to you and thus, he’ll start to care less.
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Remember these words: “The person that cares least in the relationship has the most control.” Right now, I am guessing that your boyfriend broke up with you against your own will. And as of right now, he has all the power… because he cares less than you do. Do you remember when your relationship with him first started? Everything was probably really awesome, wasn’t it? You were confident, flirtatious, funny, and most likely, very attractive. You didn’t have the chance to show your insecurities because everything was new – you knew he was into you and you were happy with yourself. Over time, things began to change. Maybe you caught him having a really good “conversation” with one of his best female friends. Or maybe one of his guy friends keeps contacting him. You started to worry, so you started breaking down and acting like a wuss. You started committing at least one of The Six Deadly Sins and he began to lose interest in you. Because he lost attraction for you, he began to care less about you. And thus, the “balance of power” began to shift in his favor. We need to work on shifting the balance of power, and this is what the next few chapters will concentrate on.
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Featured Customer Coaching Question Real Email Exchanges From Past Customers (Names Changed For Privacy)
“Have I Already Made Too Many Mistakes?” Question Sent By: Christie L. “Hi Brad, I've read your ebook multiple times - I feel I have done so much damage that I really have no hope of getting my ex back - he has raised my 2 year old since he was 6 months and I am now 4 months along with his child, but he wants nothing to do with us - I've tried endless to talk to him, not even get back together talk but just to involve him with appointments and not and he still just tells me to fuck off and that he hates me because I make him look stupid because I texted another guy - and he uses this as his excuse as breaking up with me - he told me last night he would still have been with me, if I didn't text another guy (someone I don't even know - I just invited him over while I was fighting with my ex although he never came over and I never spoke to the person again) and that I've taken his family from him. He's spends all his time chasing his best friend (female) around because her husband is in the marines and over in Afghanistan - And she tells him not be with me, He's dumps all over me and my kids and puts her kids above mine - it's not normal to me and I find it hard to deal with. My question is, How do you know when there's too much damage to fix it anymore. He's using the excuse of me talking to randoms as the excuse for leaving me, how is me posting photos of me with random guys going to make him want me back, when that's why he says he left in the first place. Thanks Brad!! Christie L.”
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“Take His Words With A Grain of Salt…” Brad Browning’s Reply To Question From Christie L. “Hi Christie, What you need to realize first is that the reason he left you isn't because of you texting random guys. It's because your attraction level with him in the first place just isn't high enough. The texting incident is just a lame and pathetic excuse for him to leave (but don't tell him this directly, of course). Obviously, what you need to be doing right now is not contact him for now. You need to take care of yourself and spend time with your child. When are you due? You need to show how much fun you are having with your family and ignore him for now. Yes, you need to stop looking like you're dating multiple guys, but at the same time, you need to show the world that you're happy. That means spending time with your girlfriends, going out, and making it seem like to him that he's missing out. Eventually, he is going to want to see his child and tend to his mother -- that’s the decent thing to do. Once this happens, we will work on patching things up with him permanently. But if he doesn’t even want to attempt to take care of his child, then cutting him loose is probably the best option anyways. Hope that helps! -Brad B.”
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Chapter 4
Panic & Acceptance ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 4: Panic & Acceptance Okay. So you’re probably still quite fresh off your breakup, and you’re emotionally broken. I know what you really want to do… you want to call him up and talk. You want to send him an e-mail or Facebook message explaining how much you miss him and how much you’re willing to fix things. You want to get on your phone and send him a million text messages letting him know how you feel. Does this sound about accurate? I know the feeling. You’re panicking. And this is perfectly normal for you to feel this way, but acting on your current emotions right now is definitely not the best way to get back with your ex-boyfriend. By acting on these emotions, you’re basically telling him that you’re desperate. Desperation and insecurity are, as we have concluded, very negative and unattractive traits. So bear with me – if you want your exboyfriend back, don’t do anything yet. But what is panic? Why are you feeling this way? I know you aren’t typically like this. In fact, you’re probably a very rational and understanding person under normal circumstances, but panic and desperation can cause even the most rational person to
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make bad decisions. So where does panic come from? Panic comes from the immediate loss of something is valuable to you. Think about a quarterback in a football game for a minute. The quarterback has to make a decision on what to do with the ball before the defensive lineman tries to take him down. As the defensive lineman attempts to break through the quarterback’s offensive linemen, the quarterback is losing time and space. If he’s a bad quarterback, he’ll wait until the very last moment, panic, and do something stupid with the ball. A good quarterback, on the other hand, is calmer, cooler, and is therefore much more likely to do something rational with the football. Sometimes people panic because they are thrown into a completely different situation. Even if, logically, your boyfriend wasn’t exactly right for you… at least you were accustomed to having him around. You were familiar with him, and familiarity is something humans like. This sort of change is enough to induce panic in most women, especially if they’ve been with their boyfriend for a long period of time.
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So before you make things better, you need to focus on yourself and lessen the amount of desperation you’re feeling. Only then will you be able to think rationally and win your boyfriend back. In essence, what you need to do right now is accept the current situation. It obviously isn’t to your liking, but the breakup happened. As of this moment, there is absolutely nothing you can do or say to get him back right now. (Don’t worry, we’re getting there.) Trust me, you don’t want to go down the other, dangerous path. I’ve attempted to help many women that fail because they fail to accept the situation, and they start doing the complete opposite of what I say. They’ll start lying to their ex about certain situations. They’ll begin to stalk their ex… not only physically, but via the internet, too. They will begin to send hurtful and sometimes hateful messages to their ex-boyfriends, which only augment the problem. Sometimes, they’ll even seek revenge and attempt to sleep with their ex-boyfriend’s friends (which, surprise, surprise, doesn’t work at all). All I’m saying is this: I know there are a lot of negative emotions you’re feeling right now, and it’s completely normal. It’s how you handle these emotions that define
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you as a person… and it can have a major impact on whether or not you succeed in getting back together with your ex.
Don’t Pressure Him Pressuring your ex to get back together with you will just be the nail in the coffin. I remember when I used sell suits at a men’s clothing store (way back in the day…). At the time, I had absolutely no idea how to sell anything. I had no idea why they even hired me. On my very first day, I went up to my first prospective customer and I laid down the law of the land – “Buy now and get the second suit half off! Sale ends tomorrow! Buy now or you’ll definitely regret it! This suit looks GREAT on you!” Whoa. I’m not exactly sure why my manager didn’t fire me right then and there. Maybe because she just felt sorry for me! Needless to say, I didn’t sell a single bloody suit my first day at work. Why? Because I was pressuring my customers. My manager took me aside the next day and just told me to relax. So I did. After a few more encounters with customers, I sold my first suit using the weirdest technique ever: I stopped trying. Okay, don’t take that too literally… I did still
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try and sell suits, but I made it appear like it didn’t matter if they bought the suit or not. Instead, I just simply talked about how our suits compared with suits from other stores. I talked about what type of things to look for when buying a new suit. I just talked about useful information, and everything else just fell into place. I became the best suit salesman in the universe (well, no, but I was the best suit salesman at my store at least…). If you ever feel the temptation to try and contact your ex and pressure him into getting back together with you, stop and tell yourself, “If I really want to get back with my boyfriend, then I’ll listen to Brad Browning. He knows what to do!”
Some Good News Like I said, there is a silver lining amidst the panic and depression. Chances are, your ex probably still wants you back in his arms. It’s true. I mean, think about it logically for a second. You and your ex have an extensive shared history… and despite whatever happened between you two, you will both still have those great memories and stories you experienced together. You have a ton of
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inside jokes that you’ve both shared. You both have had some sexual history as well (at least I hope so). The bottom of the line is that at some point in your life, you were both quite attracted to each other. You see, human beings are, for the most part, creatures of habit. You probably wake up every morning with the exact same routine… and throwing a wrench in your morning routine is probably unthinkable at this point. This is the exact same thing that your boyfriend has shared with you! You two are extremely comfortable with each other. In fact, he is probably more familiar with you than any other girl right now. You have an advantage over the competition.
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Chapter 5
Start With ‘No Contact’ ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 5: Start With ‘No Contact’ From reading the first few chapters, you probably deduced that this was the first step to getting your ex-boyfriend back. Yes… the dreaded no contact period, or what I like to call, the Rekindling Period. This is where the battle is won or lost, my friend. Of the women that have failed under my guidance, I would guess that at least 80% of them failed because they didn’t do this part properly. It is absolutely crucial that you understand this. It is imperative that you do not initiate contact your ex-boyfriend for at least one month. There is no exception to this rule (unless he contacts you first, but more on this later). Delete him from your phone right now so you won’t even feel tempted to contact him. There are scientific reasons why this will help you get your boyfriend back so it is important that you take this seriously for a number of reasons. First and foremost, you’re probably not in the right state of mind to have a meaningful conversation with your ex boyfriend right now. Emotions are too strong. Giving yourself some time to recover emotionally will only help you focus on how you can strategically get your boyfriend back. Not only this, but you also need to give him some time to recover.
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Have you ever heard of the quote, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”? By not contacting your boyfriend, you give off the impression that you’ve moved on, which causes him experience a fear of loss. Once you stop reaching out and trying to talk to him, he’ll wonder why. Right now, he’s probably annoyed at the amount of times you’ve tried to call him, but when that disappears, he’ll begin to think about you more… he’ll be thinking, I wonder what she’s doing right now. I wonder if she’s gotten over me. Does she still want to talk to me? I wonder if he’s already found somebody else… Humans don’t usually know what they have until it’s gone. We take things for granted and it’s part of our nature. We can use this psychological tool to our advantage. Trust me, your boyfriend is going through a lot of the same emotions and heartache that you’re experiencing right now. Breaking up is painful for both sides, regardless of who makes the initial decision to end things. And, like a drug addict going through withdrawal, your ex may be tempted to take the easy way out, and put an end to her heartache and loneliness… by getting back together with you! By not contacting your boyfriend, you’ll also be doing yourself a favor, as it will prevent you from acting like a complete jackass around your boyfriend. Remember how
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I said that women are really good at picking up non-verbal communication? Like they have a sixth sense? Unless you’re an actress with talent to rival Julia Roberts, you don’t want to risk sub-communicating negative characteristics around him (and you will). Finally, by not contacting your boyfriend, you’ll have ample time to read my ebook and complete my course… so you’ll know exactly what you’ll need to do to get your boyfriend back. So, what I want you to do right now is take out your planner or agenda. Find the date that is exactly 31 days from now, and circle it. Then call it Contact Day. You will not contact your ex boyfriend until this day.
Why 31 Days? Studies have proven why this 31-day mark is crucial. After about 3 weeks, your brain begins to reset itself on an emotional level. Now, I won’t say you’ll stop missing your ex completely after 3 weeks of no contact, but this is when your emotional side
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begins tame a little and you begin to start thinking more rationally (how you normally would think and act). Secondly, and most importantly, studies have shown that men begin to start missing their girlfriends/wives intensely after about three weeks of no contact. You need to use this psychological tool as a weapon here. Chances are after about three weeks (and sometimes even less), your ex will contact you on his own discretion, wanting to get back with you! I’ve seen this happen way too many times to count. Often, men use their ex-girlfriends to help them get over their own breakup! But by removing yourself from his reality completely, you are forcing him to heal emotionally on his own. You won’t be able to help him or be his emotional crutch. This is what you want. If you know your boyfriend is the needy type, you can use this to your advantage. Marking this date will also give you a visual goal to work towards as well. Combined with the rest of the material I’ve included in my program, you’ll be able to better cope with the pain during the No Contact period. And doesn’t it give you a sense of reassurance knowing that you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to?
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“But I Can’t Wait That Long!” Yes, I know. 31 days seems like a very long time, and for the first few days it will crawl by, but only if you let it! Yes, there are things you can do right now to not only lessen the pain but also actually increase your chances of getting back with your ex once the 31-day mark rolls around. First, you need to start removing reminders of him. Go grab a piece of paper right now and write down his contact information. Delete his contact from your phone and hide the piece of paper where you know you won’t be able to see it. Second, delete every memory and mode of contact that you have with him. Delete his Skype contact, MSN contact, and be sure to delete all his e-mails (if you feel sentimental about these, make these messages difficult for you to access…save them in a folder and make the folder difficult to get to). The only exception to this is deleting him from Facebook (or any other social networking website where he knows he was deleted). But under no circumstance will you view his profile. You don’t want to see who’s writing on his wall or what he’s saying during this period. Facebook stalking won’t make you feel good about yourself, period. (To ensure that you don’t see his status updates in your Facebook timeline, click
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on one of his old posts or status updates and choose “don’t show this person’s updates in my Facebook feed”.) Next, gather all your physical items that remind you of him. That means stuffed animals, clothes, presents, and pictures. Gather everything and put it into a box and store it in a place that is a major pain in the ass to get to. Lock it up in the basement, hide it in your mom’s garage, or ask a friend to keep it for you… anything to get it out of sight. After, I want you to start fantasizing about other men and concentrate only on your ex-boyfriend’s negative side. Under no circumstance should you be fantasizing about your ex in any way. If you catch yourself thinking about your ex sexually, visualize having sex with other, even more beautiful men (ahem… the internet really helps in this department if you’re lacking inspiration…).
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As much as possible, just try not to think about your ex in any way. After this is complete, you need to now concentrating on taking your life back.
What If You Broke Up A While Ago? If you broke up with your ex a long time ago (more than a few months), then you have to assess how your ex might be feeling right now. Do you think their emotions have reset to a neutral state? A lot of people e-mail me saying, “It’s been over a year now… are my chances blown out the window?” Well, it depends. Most of the time, however, chances are you have a better chance the longer you wait without contact with your ex. However, if you’ve been pestering your ex and constantly for several years, then chances are you’ve probably pushed your ex far too much away and, only at that point would I advise to move on. However, if you think your ex would be open to a line of communication, then read on… but do not contact your ex until you’ve thoroughly read everything in this book!
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What If Your Ex Lives In Another City? Now, there’s a possibility that you broke up with your ex and they’ve moved somewhere else, far away. First of all, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. After all, if they’ve moved far away, it gives yourself some space to move on from him and to concentrate on yourself (more on this later). However, I’m not going to sugar coat things... chances are, if your ex has moved far, far away, then it’s going to be extremely difficult to develop the kind of attraction that is needed for him to want you back. If your ex is living somewhere very far away, you’ll either have to come up with a good excuse to visit them and then ask them out for a “date”. You can’t visit him without a very legitimate reason for being there, and you’ll definitely need to establish some rapport and get him thinking about you again before you even consider going to see your ex in person. Because long distance re-attraction can be complicated business, you may want to consider signing up for my personal coaching service if you are in this situation.
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Featured Customer Coaching Question Real Email Exchanges From Past Customers (Names Changed For Privacy)
“My Ex Lives Far, Far Away…” Question Sent By: Kathryn J. “Hey Brad! I had a long distance relationship (2 hour flight away) for two years with Chad. He is 24 and I'm 28. We visited each other back and forth every few weeks for weeks at a time. In August he came here to interview for jobs so he could move here to be with me but he didn't get any of the jobs he interviewed for. I went to visit him in September for two weeks and he was acting distant and kind of cold. When I got back home he broke up with me 2 weeks later in September saying he lost feelings for me. I'm pretty sure our major issue was communication and my insecurities in the relationship. I did No Contact for 30 days and we started speaking again in the middle of October. He kept asking me if I was dating a guy from work he saw me check in places with on facebook and seemed jealous. He flirted with me a lot, we even chatted on webcam. Then we began to chat almost daily again but short chats, not all day, everyday like it used to be. He initiated and sent me a lot of sexual links. His best friends girlfriend invited me to a new years party so I decided to go. The second I mentioned visiting his hometown for new years he became completely platonic towards me. He avoided going to the same new years party as me that week but we ended up hanging out 3 out of the 5 days I was there. He took me out to see a holiday light show, dinner, and I spent an entire day at his house watching movies. He made me lunch and we even hung out with him and his dad for awhile. He picked me up and dropped me off at the airport too.
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We had a talk about things and I was completely honest with him about still having feelings for him but I said I'd never push him to change his mind. He said he doesn't have feelings for me anymore, that I care too much, and that I need to move on, but we can be friends. He said I will see him again and we will be able to hangout again in the future. Since I got back home we talk on an instant messenger every so often. Lately it's been once or twice or week. Not very long chats either. He rarely ever initiates, sometimes he ignores me if I send him funny links or try to chat. I have really made an effort to change and rid myself of the insecurities I had while in the relationship. I've been working out, changed jobs, made new friends, gotten a social life, planned a trip to Japan. All of which he has seen on facebook and he seemed quite interested at first when we weren't speaking. He didn't try to contact me at all during the 30 day no contact period. I had so many new things to tell him about my life when I visited two weeks ago. He barely had much to say because not much has changed for him. He still hasn't found a job in engineering that he has been looking for. I'm not sure what to do anymore. We spoke a bit yesterday and he sent me a silly link but I don't feel that I have his interest. He's not near the computer as much as he used to be either. He used to be around to speak with me all the time. I don't know how to go about this or regain his interest in me. Our major form of communication is instant messenger. He doesn't have texting on his phone. Some advice I have heard is to back off and not initiate any form of contact with him unless he does to show I don't care so much. I'm not sure if that's the right or wrong way to go about things. How should I go about this? I know I need to re-attract him and rebuild an emotional connection but I'm unsure of the best way to go about it. Thanks so much Brad! -Kathryn J.”
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“Relax And Adjust The Strategy…” Brad Browning’s Reply To Question From Kathryn J. “Hi there Kathryn! You've got to continue with the no contact. No more instant messaging -- turn it off. I know it's difficult because you don't want to let him go (even as a friend), but you have to accept the fact that if you want him back, you have to let him go. I would almost recommend uninstalling instant messengers. To be honest, I really hate communicating by instant messenger, because the real life interactions never live up to the "hype". Someone is always let down and it's just not an organic way to hold a relationship. Indeed, long distance relationships are hard, but there are better ways to communicate. You need to just give some time for yourself to heal and to move on. Where are you going to in Japan? I've always wanted to go. Where are you working now? Have you been dating anyone else? By now, you’ve probably realized the errors that you’ve made while you were in a relationship with him. Clearly, you displayed and conveyed far too much interest. Remember that early in a relationship, you have to take things slow and remain “mysterious” -- this is how you can keep your man interested. So your plan for now is to remain in no contact. Don’t sign in for a very long time (and he will notice this). Don’t be surprised if he tries to contact you via e-mail in a few weeks wondering where you’ve been. Once this happens, we can plan something then! Best of luck! -Brad B.”
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It’s very important that you use the 30 days of No Contact wisely, keeping busy to ensure you’re not tempted to reach out to your ex… and working on all sorts of ‘self-improvement’ activities that will make you more attractive to your ex when you begin to re-establish communication with him.
Pick Up An Old Hobby (Or A New One!) Is there something in the past that you really enjoyed doing that you no longer do anymore (for whatever reason)? Relationships take up a lot of time. Surely there are a few activities that you probably dropped ever since you got together with your boyfriend. If you don’t have anything in mind, pick up a new hobby! Whether it be hiking, painting, playing sports, photography, playing the oboe, go-karting, or traveling… do it! There is absolutely no better time than now to enjoy something you’ve always wanted to do. You might also make a new friend or two along the way!
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You’re killing two birds with one stone when you do this. First, it’ll definitely help take your mind off things. And secondly, it’ll make you more attractive to the opposite sex. Here are some tips to help you find some things you might enjoy doing!
1.) Go on Craigslist and find some activity partners – This is a great way to meet new people and have fun while you’re doing it! Have you ever gone rock-climbing? No? Well there’s definitely somebody on Craigslist that’s looking for a rockclimbing partner. 2.) Go on Facebook. Pay attention and you’ll find a ton of friends that are doing cool things. Join a local Facebook group and connect with people. 3.) Look up clubs and classes online. Hit up your local university or college and you’ll find an abundance of clubs. You’ll definitely find something that interests you. I just joined a pottery class and it’s a great way to meet some awesome people (seriously!).
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4.) Contact some music teachers. Ever wanted to learn how to sing or play the guitar? You can find local music teachers quite easily online… and they’re cheap! Some guitar teachers charge about $15/lesson… and they’re well worth it. 5.) Volunteer at a local charity or event. Is there a cause that is near and dear to your heart? Helping out the homeless? Donating blood? Puppy rescue? Maybe even volunteering at a retirement home! Doing great deeds definitely will improve anyone’s mood, and not only that, you’ll be helping out some people while you’re at it!
(Volunteering is, in my opinion, the very best way to meet new people. After my first really big break up, I joined a local charity group and have been a member ever since! Personally, there’s nothing I find more satisfying than lending a helping hand to someone.)
Lean On Your Friends Your friends have likely all been through a bad breakup, and if they’re decent people, they’ll be willing to help you get through this tough time.
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That doesn’t mean you should sit around and whine to them about how much you miss your ex. Not even the best of friends can stand that kind of misery for very long. But you should call your friends and hang out with them as much as possible. This will help keep your mind off your ex-boyfriend, especially during the No Contact period.
Start Exercising More Most people that engage in physical activity on a regular basis agree that exercise improves their mood. Talk to anyone that swims, jogs, or hikes on a regular basis and they’ll all say the same thing: “I love exercising, it makes me feel good about myself!” “Jogging makes me feel powerful and strong.” “Working out helps me relieve stress.” It’s very clear that exercising makes us feel better, but why? According to a 2009 issue of the “Journal of Neural Transmission,” there is direct link between exercise and that amount of dopamine and serotonin produced in the human brain.
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What are Dopamine and Serotonin? Dopamine and Serotonin are neurochemicals that are responsible for regulating your mood, sleep pattern, cognition, and behavior. A healthy presence of Dopamine and Serotonin in your brain will help you think more clearly and feel better. People that lack these chemicals in their brain often suffer from lack of motivation and depression. When we exercise, the amount of these vital chemicals increase and we feel better, so if you want to actually improve your own mood, don’t do drugs or alcohol… instead, exercise!
Focus More Energy On Your Work The worst thing you can do right now is being lazy and sleep all day. As much as you want to do this, it won’t help you improve your mood and it definitely won’t help you get your ex-boyfriend back.
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Is there a part of your career that you’re neglecting? Are you in school? Maybe you could concentrate on studying a little bit harder. Now is the perfect time to be spending a few extra hours at the office or at the library. You don’t want your breakup getting in the way of your work or school, as it will only add to your unhappiness.
What If No Contact is Physically Impossible? This can sometimes happen if you two either work together or live together. Maybe you even have a child together. So how the heck do you handle that? This will probably be the most difficult situation for you since, I’m sorry to say, you’re going to have to be forced to hide your emotions. The last thing you want to do is act like a wuss. You don’t want to convey to him that you’re insecure about the breakup. You don’t want to be angry, jealous, and depressed because this will only lower your value in his eyes. Instead, make it seem like you’re content, like you actually thought the breakup was a good idea. Minimize contact with him at all costs. Don’t outright ignore him, or he’ll think that you’re being immature about the whole situation. But, at the same time, don’t go out of your way to talk to him. Let him do all the work, and give him space.
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Go out with friends a lot and don’t stay home too much. And whatever you do, don’t bring home another guy… this will only piss him off and he might even bring home another girl. This will turn into a vicious cycle and I can promise you it probably won’t end well. If this is your case, this is going to be a tough, uphill battle especially if you’re working together and he’s flirting with other girls. Don’t let it get to you. Just pretend you don’t even care and that you’re not even listening. You’re in your own world! One of the most important things to realize is that although it is painful to see your ex all the time, especially dating other people, you can actually turn this situation upside down and turn it into a good thing. The thing is, many people in your situation are dying to see their ex. Yet, you have a great excuse to actually see your ex on a regular basis – you can use this to your advantage. By showing your ex on a daily or weekly basis that you are happy without them and that you’re strong and emotionally stable, you’ll begin to turn the tides, and eventually, your ex will be more open to communicating with you.
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Featured Customer Coaching Question Real Email Exchanges From Past Customers (Names Changed For Privacy)
“Help! I Still Live With My Ex…” Question Sent By: Todd R. “Hi Brad, My ex and I broke up in late September. By the time we broke up she was pretty much indifferent to me, which is worse then being angry or upset. One big difference was that she really wants kids and I thought I didn't. I told her that if we were right for each other then I would have them with her but I was a little reluctant. We had been going out for a year and half and she moved in with me in June, a few months before we broke up. It wasn't exactly as intense as moving in together. Basically I live in a big house with 4 bedrooms and one of our other roommates was moving out, so because she lived in a crappy apartment we had her take his room. She is still living with me as we are on separate leases and we have a third roommate who is my friend from college. This has been difficult having to see her all the time and wonder if she is dating. For the most part I avoid her but we see each other around the house. Overall I have done pretty good not getting too emotional as I think of her all the time, but I have had one or two times where I asked to get back together. Oops. As I said before she is pretty indifferent to me now and I want to somehow spark something and try and make something happen but I don't know how. Please Help! Thanks, -Todd R.”
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“Relax And Adjust The Strategy…” Brad Browning’s Reply To Question From Todd R. “Hi Todd, It's always a difficult situation when you’re living with your ex. Yes, of course every program stresses no-contact because, after all, it is extremely important. But not as important as you sending her a message that you're indifferent, or that you’ve possibly moved on. There are advantages to living with your ex. Number one is you can show her that you're dating around! Yes, this is an extreme measure and sounds counter-intuitive, but you have to let her know that droves of women are trying to date you. Hot ones, too. I know this isn't what you WANT to do, but if you want to get her back, you've got to play dirty sometimes. So start dating around. Have fun, and bring some women home. Just have a good time around your roommates and her. Don't worry about her... and don't worry about offending her. You've probably been sending her so many body language signals that you still miss her... you can't do this. So you really need to step up and try and move on, work on yourself, and be a high-quality individual so that she WANTS to get back together with you. Even something as little as inviting friends over and having a really good time is a great option. Reel her into a social interaction if possible and just have fun. Try that for now, and see how she reacts. -Brad B.”
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Chapter 6
Start Dating Other Men ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 6: Start Dating Other Men While the stuff I said in the last chapter is really important, I have to let you know that this step is absolutely critical. This is one of my best techniques for “moving on” and has helped thousands of my students get their ex boyfriends back! I like to call this my Covert Jealousy technique. Going on dates will not only take your mind off your ex as much as possible, but it will also help you regain your confidence and alleviate your loneliness. While I understand that right now going on a date with a guy you don’t give a crap about probably isn’t something you really want to do right now, it’s important. Secondly, when your ex finds out you’re dating around, he will experience the fear of loss and make him start questioning himself. He might even be thinking, If she can find another date so easily, maybe I’m easy to replace! Maybe I made a mistake…
How To Let Her Know You’re Dating Remember, men are attracted to women that can attract many men. So yes, that means that the more men chase you, the more your boyfriend will want you.
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So what if you can’t land any dates in the next few weeks? Fake it. If this offends you, then I’m sorry… but you purchased this guide wanting to get back with your ex and this is one of the best ways you can do it. If you have a real problem with this, then it’s still possible to get your ex back, but your chances of you getting him back into your arms will increase dramatically if you do this. (That is, if you do it properly!) Always keep trying to date other men, but don’t make it known to the world that you’re sleeping with them, but in the meantime, make it appear as though you’re seeing other men. There are a few ways you can let your boyfriend know that you’re on a date with another guy without making it obvious that you’re trying to do so… one way is to use social networking websites. You can easily let him know that you’re out with another guy with a simple Facebook status… but… WARNING! Are you the type of person that is known for posting many statuses? If not, then he’ll definitely be suspicious that you’re lying and that you’re trying to make him jealous. Once your cover is blown, then that’s it… you’ll probably lose, so make your status update seem genuine. And the more mysterious and ambiguous you are about
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your alleged date, the better. Say something like… “Having a drink with Brian at McLooden’s Pub! The live music here rocks.” Catch my drift? If he even gets the slightest whiff that you’re trying to make him jealous, he will lose a great deal of attraction for you, so tread carefully. Here’s another trick (now, again, if you don’t want to use some of these tactics, I’ll understand… But these really do work!): take things a step further by registering a fake Facebook account. Put up a picture of a really hot guy (make it believable, though) and privatize the account so nobody can view the full profile. I cannot stress how important making this profile private is – test it out first before you use it! (It would be the biggest sham of the century if your ex-boyfriend clicks on the fake profile, only to find that it’s completely empty.) After you’ve made this profile, start posting on your own wall through this fake Facebook account. Say some really subtle stuff like, “Hey! Hurry up and upload the pics of that girl with the weird dress from the other night!!” and “Have you ordered your Snuggie yet? LOL”
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This can be very effective. But it’s important that you keep it very subtle. You really don’t want to say something like, “Oh my God… you are soooo good in bed and I had multiple orgasms last night!” That kind of thing won’t fool anybody. Alternatively, if you have any other boyfriends that are willing to play the part of your “new boyfriend,” that would be even better… again, just be cautious not to appear overly obvious or fake.
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Hang Out With Mutual Friends Do you and your ex-boyfriend share some mutual friends or acquaintances? Start hanging out with them and casually mention that you are seeing other guys. If a mutual friend asks what you’re doing or what you’ve been up to, tell them about a guy you’re hanging out with. (For this to be truly effective, make sure it’s a friend that your ex talks to on a regular basis.) Again, you don’t want to make it even seem obvious to them. Just talk about it in passing as if it’s not even a big deal. If they ask you about it, don’t give too much detail… just say it was a dude that you just met and that you two are going out for coffee or something. However, if they don’t ask about it, then don’t bring it up at all!
Take A Lot Of Pictures – And Post Them! If you are landing a lot of dates, then there’s nothing better than photographic evidence. Hang out with a bunch of friends and take a ton of pictures of you and your new guy friend! And you don’t even have to necessarily take pictures of you and him… but take pictures of you and your friends having fun! Post them on Facebook or other social
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networks where your ex might see them. Make sure you’re letting the world know that nothing is getting you down right now and that you aren’t pining over the loss of your boyfriend. Instead, you’re living life to the fullest and you’re surrounding yourself with great people.
What If He’s Dating Other Women Already? There’s a chance that you’ll find out he’s dating another girl. It’s a pretty sinking feeling, I know… but here’s the thing: I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Why? Because the girl he’s dating right now is a “rebound”. And rebounds rarely ever work out. Chances are, your ex is just using this girl as a temporary emotional dumping ground. Whatever happens between them, you need make sure it’s known that you’re completely okay with them being together. That means, you should never mention it to anyone. And definitely do not show jealousy. Don’t be bitter about it, either.
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And now for my Reverse Rebound technique! If you do see your ex out with another girl, it’s important that you stay cool and look happy. Don’t ignore them, but do not go out of your way talk your face off either! When you see them together, walk up to them and be cheerful. Say hello. Shake the girl’s hand, smile, and say… “Careful with this one, he’s a handful!” By doing this, you’re conveying that you’re 100% cool with them being together (even though this isn’t true).
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Chapter 7
What If He Contacts You? ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 7: What If He Contacts You? So you’re living life to the fullest… you’re exercising, you’re eating well, and you’re getting out of your comfort zone. You’re hanging out with friends and family and maybe reconnecting with old contacts. You’re picking up old hobbies and maybe starting a bunch of new ones. You’re working hard at work or school. You’re dating other men… and hot ones, too. Then all of a sudden… BOOMSHAKALAKA! You get a message… and it’s from him. You get a surge of adrenaline and you just want to run to the top of a mountain and scream your guts out. If this is how you feel, then totally go for it (just don’t let anybody know you’re doing it… it may look a bit strange). Over the next 31 days, it will be extremely likely that your ex-boyfriend will try and attempt to establish contact with you if you’ve done everything properly up to this point. As I said in the last chapter, if he’s the needy type, he will most definitely try and establish contact with you. This is a very good thing, but you don’t want to just be his emotional tampon.
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Yes, the dreaded emotional tampon. He’ll get you thinking you guys will get back together, but in all honesty, he’s just using you to help him get over you. Don’t fall into this hole! At the same time, you don’t want to “punish” him… so don’t act angry, jealous, rude, or depressed. Ultimately, you want to convey everything in chapter 3: Attractive Characteristics. Now, I know I said that you shouldn’t contact your boyfriend within the 31 day limit, but the game totally changes if he contacts you first. If he messages you via text or e-mail, don’t reply right away. If he texts you, wait 3 hours before replying. If he e-mails you, wait for 24 hours. You do not want to give him the impression that you are waiting for his call. You want to convey that you’re “busy doing other things” even though this may or may not be the case. When it does come around to messaging him back, you must keep in mind these three things: 1.) Your reply must be short. If you write something extremely long back, he’ll think that you miss him. Right now, we don’t want him thinking that you miss him at
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all.
2.) You must give off the impression that you’re happy. Don’t come across as desperate and don’t tell him how depressed you’ve been. Use exclamation marks and tell him why you’ve been busy! Let him know that you’ve been hanging out with friends or busy working like nuts. Let him know that your life is still normal and that you’ve virtually moved on.
3.) Finally, make sure that you cut the message short because you “have to go!” Let him know that you’ve got other things you have to worry about. End the message abruptly, but don’t be rude… just end it with, “Well, I’ve got dinner out with a friend tonight. Maybe we’ll talk later.” And it’s crucial that you leave it up to him to call you or contact you again. You just don’t want to appear needy. Here’s an example of a good message conversation you can have with your ex if he contacts you first. HIM: Hey. How’s it going? YOU: Hey. It’s going really well. Just finished going bowling with some friends. Hope things are going well for you.
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HIM: That’s good to hear… did you win? YOU: It’s good to hear from you but I can’t talk right now. Super busy. Let’s catch up soon. Simple, right? The reason this works is because people want what they can’t get. By showing him that you’re unavailable to him, you stimulate his attraction mechanism and thus, this makes him want you. Hell, if all you said was, “I can’t talk right now,” he would probably go insane! Think of this way... What’s more desirable: gold, or grass? I’m not psychic, but I’m going to take an educated guess and think that you said gold. Sure, you could say, “Well it’s obviously gold because it’s worth more money!” But have ever thought about why it’s worth more money though? Because it’s rare! Any idiot can walk up to a patch of grass and rip out a handful. But how about gold? Gold is rare and can be difficult to get in large
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quantities (unless your dad is the Sultan of Brunei or you’re somehow the descendant of Liberace). By sending him the message that you’re unavailable, you’re shifting the power from him to you. Now he is the one pursuing you!
What If He Calls? If your boyfriend calls you, then you still have to use the same principles here. Let him lead the conversation. Don’t sound depressed, angry, or annoyed. Be nice and be cheerful. Make small talk with him. Tell him, briefly, about all the fun things you’ve been doing with all your friends lately. And yes, most importantly, be the one to end the conversation first. Tell him you need to go and that he should call you tomorrow after a certain time. Remember… be cheerful! What a lot of women do (and this is a huge mistake) is try to make their ex jealous. You don’t want to brag about all the guys that you’ve been sleeping with or say that you’ve been chatting up an old friend of his. You also don’t want to bring up your relationship problems at all… leave them alone (for now).
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Don’t ask him any questions about his new love life. Don’t ask him if he’s been sleeping with another girl. Hell, don’t even ask his any personal questions really. Leave that up to him to ask you these questions, since he’s the one trying to contact you. And, obviously, don’t ask him for another shot at the relationship. Right now, you want to keep everything very light and sweet! However, chances are if your ex is trying to contact you, he clearly wants to talk about the relationship. Don’t worry. This is a good thing. It means that he wants to try and fix things. As long as you aren’t the one bringing up the relationship topic, you’re fine. Let him lead the conversation and continue to act indifferent (but again, cheerful). Remember the goal here… you want to act like you’re unavailable so you shift the power from him to YOU! If you’ve gotten this far, then congratulations… your ex obviously still cares about you. That means that he most definitely hasn’t lost any attraction for you and it’s a matter of meeting up and ironing out the problems you may have had in the relationship. I’ll cover this later.
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Featured Customer Coaching Question Real Email Exchanges From Past Customers (Names Changed For Privacy)
“My Ex Calls Just To Argue…” Question Sent By: Maninder “Hey whats up brad? Love your book, already read it twice. :) Just wondering if you can tell me how come my ex keeps calling me and then starts to argue and bitch at me?? We broke up like 2 months ago, I am just about through the no contact phase, going OK although I kinda screwed up at first. Anyway she called me twice last week… first time she accused me of trying to make her jealous cause I posted pics of me with a girl on Instagram. And then a few days later she called to basically yell at me for talking to one of her friends (I ran into her at the gym and we talked for like 2 mins). What the hell?! Why is she doing this?? Plz help!!”
“Addicted To Drama…” Brad Browning’s Reply To Question From Maninder “Hey Maninder, First thing you should keep in mind is that your ex may be looking for reasons to reach out to you, even if they’re negative reasons. As weird as it sounds, for some people, arguing and bickering with an ex can cure their longing for a conversation with their ex.
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Secondly, she’s also going through a tough time after your breakup, so the emotions may be leading to irrational behavior and overly-emotional reactions to small issues. And finally, a piece of advice: do not get dragged into bickering and drama that your ex tries to start. You need to rebuild attraction and that spark of passion, and arguing / drama / bickering is totally counter-productive in that regard. It will just reinforce her belief that the breakup was necessary. So, make sure you nip any arguments in the bud, and stick to positive and fun topics. Good luck! -Brad B.”
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Chapter 8
What If He Doesn’t Contact You? ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 8: What If He Doesn’t Contact You? There’s always a chance that your boyfriend, for whatever reason, won’t contact you. He might be still angry with you. Maybe his friends are telling him to move on without you. In most cases, the latter is usually the case. Men will constantly seek advice from their peers and, more likely than not, listen to them. Some men, however, are autonomous and self-reliant. When somebody tells us to do something, we’re more likely to act rebellious and “march to the beat of our own drum” than women are. Therefore, men don’t really listen to their friends the same way women do. So what I’m trying to say is don’t worry. If your ex doesn’t contact you in 31 days, all is not lost. Your relationship can still be salvaged, although it will take more effort on your part to accomplish this. So let’s pretend 31 days have passed and your ex hasn’t contacted you. It’s now officially okay to contact him. You’ve shown him that you aren’t all that needy, you’ve given him space, and you’ve allowed all those negative emotions to subside.
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But what do you say? There’s no way of knowing his state of mind right now because you have no idea what kind of stuff his friends have been force-feeding him, but I can almost guarantee you it will include something along the lines of… She’s a biatch! She treated you poorly. Dude, you’re better than that… it’s time to move on and find another girl who will treat you like how you want to be treated! I never liked her anyways! That definitely sounds bad, but it’s best if we assume the worst in this situation. So when you do contact him, remember everything I told you about how you should be interacting with your ex. You need to act as if you’ve moved on and you’re happy. When you do contact him, act as if you just want to be friends. Shocking, right? You’re probably thinking, Brad, you don’t make any sense at all! You’re an idiot! I don’t want to be friends with him; I want him back in my arms! I know, I know… but hear me out. If his friends are telling him not to get back together with you, do you think approaching this any other way would help? If you give him even the slightest inkling that you want to get back together with him or at least talk about your relationship, the little red light will start blinking in his head and he’ll be thinking, NO WAY! I shouldn’t even be talking with her.
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Right now, we’ve got to play it safe and appear non-threatening.
You Have Two Options… Before I tell you how to go about in contacting your ex, I first need to know what type of communicators you were. A lot of breakup guides will say, “Call him up!” and some of them will say, “Only text!” Well, they’re both wrong. Thank goodness you chose my program over theirs. The fact is some men prefer to be texted and some prefer a phone call. How did you two communicate when you were together? Did you usually text each other? If so, it would be really, really awkward and weird if you just called him out of the blue. Usually, if a guy prefers texting, it’s because he’s very uncomfortable with speaking on the phone. You don’t want to make him feel any less comfortable than he actually will be.
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Some guys prefer to be called, and these guys sometimes get offended if you text or e-mail instead. Does this sound like your man? If so, then you’re probably best off calling him.
What Should You Text Her? If your guy is a texter, then great! It’s a lot easier for you to send him a premeditated text than to wing it and try to talk to him in real-time. However, it’s not without its downfalls. When you text somebody, you give them time to think about a reply. This is generally a good thing, but sometimes he will get his friends involved and ask them for advice… again. So via text, you need to really make it clear that you’re only looking for a platonic relationship for now. Say something like this: Hey! Hope things are well. I just wanted to let you know that you were right. The breakup was definitely for the best! I’m really relieved, but it would suck if we lost our friendship. I’d love to get coffee this week! When he sees this, he’ll most likely be a little taken aback that you just want to be friends. I guarantee you he’ll be more than willing to agree with this since men love
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having friends. Men don’t like losing friendships (unless they were fully destructive relationships). Men cherish their friendships even though they don’t always say it. So if you’re offering just a straight up platonic coffee meeting, he’ll be eager to see you. After you meet up with him, you’ll have to re-initiate attraction again. NOTE: If you and your ex were extremely avid ‘texters’, then I encourage you to take a look at some additional materials that concentrate on how to text your ex back. Check out this video by Michael Fiore (who is a close friend of mine). In this video, he’ll tell you how you can use little-known text messages that you can send from your phone that will help you convince your ex boyfriend to go out on a date with you and take you back.
The Pointless Text This is something that you must absolutely avoid doing if you want your boyfriend to text you ever again. It’s what I like to call the “Pointless Text.” You know exactly what I’m talking about when I say this, and yes, you probably hate it as much as I do. Do you ever get text messages from your friends and family just saying one word? Like “hi” or “’sup”? It absolutely aggravates me. But even something as simple as “Hey,
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how are you doing?” or “Hey, what’s up?” can be just as bad. Why are these so bad? Well, first of all, they’re pointless because they don’t rile up emotions at all. In fact, they almost will give your boyfriend a negative image of you. You sound bored, uninterested, and frankly, not like a happy person at all. By sending a text like this, you are sub communicating to your ex boyfriend that you are just unhappy with life and that you need his interaction at that very moment to be happy. So don’t do this.
The Good Reminder Text This is one of the first texts you should be sending your ex boyfriend. I call it the Good Reminder text. Essentially, what you want to convey to your ex right now is that you are totally over him, but you are still thinking about him from time to time. It is designed to make you look thoughtful, happy, and it makes it looks like as though your text message has a point to it. Here are a couple examples of the “Good Reminder Text”. “Hey. Just was watching the Dallas Stars play the Vancouver Canucks tonight and your favourite player scored a goal! Made me think about how fun watching those games
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were!” “Hey, Matthew Good Band is playing at the McPherson Playhouse next month! Thought you’d like to know because I remember how much you loved them! =D” Get it? They’re pretty innocent, right? Also notice a few things about this text. I use a few exclamation marks here and there. This is really important. Exclamation marks convey happiness. In a recent survey done by avid text messagers, researchers found that the use of exclamation marks increased the likelihood of receiving text messages back by 20%. That is a lot. So use exclamation marks if you want your ex to text you back! Second, check out my emoticon at the end of the second text message. Think it doesn’t make a difference? Well, think again. Let’s say you ask your friend through text what they’re doing tonight. Here are two possible responses your friend could come up with... “Nothing”
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or... “Nothing! :-)” See the difference here? There’s a huge difference. If you received the first text message, chances are you’ll probably think your friend is just really bored and depressed. That, or he or she is just too lazy to text anything more significant. But how does the second text message make you feel? Probably completely different, right? The second text conveys that your friend is doing nothing, but as a result, probably wants to hang out with you tonight. Another great thing about this Good Reminder text is that it doesn’t force your ex boyfriend to do anything about this text. This is a good thing right now. You essentially want to let your ex boyfriend know that you’re thinking about him, but you don’t want to convey neediness. You don’t even ask a simple question in the text message. If you want more examples of these text messages, I have a ton of them outlined in the “Text The Love Back” bonus e-book. If you haven’t downloaded it already, do so now – it’s included with your purchase and can be accessed in the Ex Factor Members Download Zone.
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How You Should Call Him You’ll need to call him when you know he’s actually not going to pick up. It will be much easier to convey that you’ve moved on through a simple voicemail. You’ll want to say something really light-hearted and thoughtful, something to the effect of… “Hey. Thought I’d give you a quick call to let you know that the season premiere of Mad Men is starting on Sunday. Thought you should you know since the last episode we watched was so good. Anyways, hope all is well.” This message is brilliant for a number of reasons. First, it’s actually a really thoughtful message. You’re telling him that you’ve been thinking about him, but only fleetingly… and that you remembered that he liked something and you remembered it. Here’s another example of something you could say: “Hey. Just letting you know that The Strokes are playing at the Commodore Ballroom in two weeks. I remember how much you like them. Hope all is well!” This example uses much of the same psychological tools as the first one; it’s thoughtful, concise, and doesn’t convey neediness.
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Remember that the tone of your voice is just as important as what you say. A famous relationship expert once said that 93% of communication is non-verbal. So how you say something is sometimes much more important than what you say. When you leave this message, you want to make it seem like what you’re saying isn’t really a big deal. Don’t speak too quickly otherwise you’ll sound like you’ve premeditated the whole thing. You just want to make it seem like you just heard the news (ie. In the second example, act like you just learned that The Strokes were playing at the venue). You want to sound calm and relaxed, but cheerful at the same time. If done properly, he’ll begin to think about you and wonder about you. He’ll enjoy the fact that you were being thoughtful and this can only have a positive effect. You’re also conveying that you’re not needy by saying, “Anyways, hope all is well.” You’re not telling him to call you back or contact you in any way – in fact, you’re not even asking for a reply! This will make you much more desirable.
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I know this may seem a little sneaky. Instead of outright engaging his conscious mind, you’re taking a backdoor route and engaging his subconscious mind. I can tell you that talking to his subconscious mind is 100% more effective than being blunt. You know how sometimes being blunt can just have the opposite effect? Remember when mom always used to repeatedly say, “Clean your room!” You probably didn’t want to do it, did you? But when she said, “Isn’t your boyfriend coming over soon?” you probably thought, I better clean my room! I know this feels like a bit of a cat and mouse game at times. Some relationship experts call this the “Push/Pull” element of attraction, but it’s really nothing fancy at all. You’re just using basic human psychology.
When He Calls Or Writes You Back… I know at this point, we’re getting pretty far. In fact, you’re probably still on either day 1 or 2 of the no-contact phase, but it’s always good to be prepared! It’s kind of like thinking about the Ferrari that you’re going to own next week… at least it’s motivating! So here’s the deal. He’s either going to call back or write you back, depending on what he feels most comfortable doing. If he calls back, no matter what, you’re going to
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let it go to your voice messaging system. Why? The worst thing that could happen is that he doesn’t leave a message, but that’s okay – I’ll let you know what to do when this happens. But again, by not answering the phone, you’re letting him know that you’re unavailable. And because you haven’t shown any neediness in the past 4 weeks or so, he’ll think you’ve developed this aura of confidence to the point that you’re giving off the impression that he isn’t needed in your world. So after you let it go to voicemail, you’re actually going to wait another 24 hours. Yes, I know there’s a lot of time that passes when trying to get your ex-back, but you’ve already waited 31 days. Another day isn’t going to kill you (but it’s going to kill him inside!). The next day, call him back. Again, be light, upbeat, and confident. And again, do not bring up problems from your relationship or anything negative. Instead, engage in small talk. Tell him some things you’ve been up to and let him know that your reality is completely different than when he left it 31 days ago. He’ll find you incredibly attractive after you’ve told him about the cool adventures you’ve been having with your friends (make sure you don’t make it obvious that you’re showing off… just incorporate tidbits of information throughout your conversation.)
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Whatever you talk about, remember that how you end this conversation is one of the most important things here. You’ll want to have a call to action. But disguise it in such a way that you don’t really need him, but his presence would be nice. Say something like, “Hey, it’s my niece’s birthday and I need to pick out a stuffed toy… you were always good with that stuff. Think you could help me out?” If you guys are text messaging instead of calling, then just text him what I just wrote. Now, whatever your call to action is, you should be getting a positive response. When they accept, you should be well on your way to meeting up with him and creating sexual tension. Remember, the whole point is to meet up with him under any means necessary (…except kidnap), and posing as a friend is the easiest way to do so. Just know that there isn’t any other way you can create attraction and make him fall in love with you again through just text messaging or calling. All of this will have to take place when you two inevitably meet up again. Only then and there will you be able to safely and effectively make him want you again.
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Featured Customer Coaching Question Real Email Exchanges From Past Customers (Names Changed For Privacy)
“Blocked On Social Media…” Question Sent By: Patty “Brad… quick question for you! So I broke up with my ex 22 days ago now, and we have had no contact for about 2 weeks now. He had not messaged me at all. Im really worried though because he has unfriended me on Facebook and unfollowed me on Twitter and Instagram too… what does this mean?? Is he totally done with me?? Hope to hear from u soon! -Patty in Israel”
“Don’t Sweat The Social Media Stuff…” Brad Browning’s Reply To Question From Patty “Hey Patty, thanks for the message… First of all, you can relax and stop worrying about him unfriending you on social media… the main reason this happens (and it’s very common after a breakup) is because your ex does not want to be continually reminded of you every time he logs on to Facebook or Twitter. Just because he was the one to break up with you doesn’t mean that he isn’t feeling the same heartache and loneliness that you are in the wake of your breakup. So, it’s extremely likely that he simply ‘unfriended’ you in order to avoid seeing those regular reminders (and thus bringing
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back the painful emotions again) every time he logs into her Facebook or Twitter account. Don’t sweat it. It’s inconvenient, but it’s not a big deal and it certainly doesn’t mean he hates you or all hope it lost. Keep your head up, you’re closing in on the end of the no contact phase! Best regards, -Brad B.”
“What If This Doesn’t Work?” As with anything else, there’s always a chance that he may not call you back. This is somewhat of a turning point. Though all is not lost yet, you’re definitely going to want to reconsider if moving forward is to the best of your interest. If he doesn’t contact you, then chances are you probably weren’t right to begin with. So what’s better? Being with this guy for a little bit longer or knowing that sometimes, two people just aren’t meant to be?
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I’ll leave it up to you to decide this, but keep it in the back of your mind. If you do decide that you want to keep pursuing, you most definitely are still capable of getting him back if you continue under my guidance, but I’m simply pointing out that the possibility is present that you may be better off dating other men.
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Chapter 9
The “Date” ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 9: The “Date” I am using the word date in quotes here because it isn’t really a date. If you’ve played it properly up until this point, all he thinks is that you two are just going out as friends. In fact, don’t call it a “date” at any point or he’ll probably freak at you. Whatever you two decide to do, you need to make sure that you have a solid plan in place before you actually meet up. You don’t want to get this far only for you to fail… that would be a total shame, so think about it before it happens! Think about a really fun light story to start off with and just keep rolling on from there. The whole goal here now is what I like to call re-attraction. You’re going to have to re-attract him and ultimately, seduce him. But don’t sleep with him. You’ll want to pull back happily at the last second and the leave him wanting you.
Body Language & Tone of Voice I know – the moment where you finally see your ex again can be nerve-wracking to say the least… but you can’t let it get to you!
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You want to appear super relaxed and comfortable. This date totally isn’t going to go well if you’re just sitting down biting your nails the whole time and talking super quickly. So make sure that when you’re sitting down, you’re sitting down with your back flat against the seat. Just keep your distance from him a little bit and maybe put one foot up on the seat. Just look feminine and pretty. Just look ‘chill’ and take a few deep breaths. Don’t just constantly stare at him… remember, you two are just friends right now! So look around… make fun of people, make a joke, and just generally be funny and light-hearted. You don’t want to make it seem like you’re putting him up on a pedestal and idolizing his presence. Remember how I said 93% of communication is non-verbal? That means how you speak is important in conveying the type of mood you’re in. Talk slowly! There’s no need to be a speed demon here. People who talk fast just look like they have something
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to prove… and they seem high-strung and awkward, don’t they? So slow it down! Talk a little quieter, but don’t forget to smile.
Conversation Topics For The “Date” You’re probably getting the sense here that you shouldn’t be talking about the negative stuff that happened in the past. Concentrate on just selling yourself as a completely healed and happy individual. There is a chance that he might bring up some negative topics from the past. Don’t panic – this is a good thing. If he’s bringing up problems from your relationship, just respectfully decline to talk about it for now. Say something like, “I know you’re probably still rattled, but to be honest… I’m enjoying just hanging out with you right now. Let’s just enjoy this first,” and then continue talking about whatever you were talking about.
How To Tell A Good Story Yes, this book has all sorts of good information… this is information that won’t just help you get back with your ex-boyfriend, but help you with any men.
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Story-telling is often the focal point of a conversation. In order for you to reattract your ex, a good story must be told. So how do you become a good storyteller? Some people are definitely blessed with natural charm. Though, if you’re the type of girl that doesn’t know how to rile up a crowd, then don’t worry. You can actually learn to be more charming and be a better conversationalist, but it does it a lot of practice. When you do tell your story, make sure you give your listener 100% of the attention. You want to engage your whole body when telling a story, not just your voice! Observe some of the best speeches and comedians on YouTube and you’ll find that they use hand gestures and different facial expressions quite often. You want to make sure that when you’re telling a story, you’re keeping these three things in mind: your confidence level, conviction level and energy level. When I say “have confidence when telling a story,” I mean you’re not afraid to say what you’re going to say. You’re not looking down to the ground or at the coffee stains on your shirt - you’re looking into his eyes when you’re speaking.
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Secondly, nobody wants to hear a lame story that just isn’t believable. You need to have conviction. Don’t say phrases like “I think he…” or “Ummm…” or “Maybe, I’m not sure…” If you say this kind of crap too often, you’ll just end up looking brain-dead. Finally, you need to tell your story with the proper amount of energy. The energy of the storyteller not only manifests verbally but physically as well. Your whole body has to tell the story. Your eyes need to light up when you’re about to tell the good parts of the story. You need to slow and pause right before climaxes. If something funny happens in your story, you’re smiling and maybe throwing in the occasional laugh to indicate, “it’s okay to laugh if you want to!” When you combine these three elements – confidence, conviction, and energy – I promise that you will become ten times the storyteller and you’ll be able to capture the heart of your ex boyfriend much more easily.
Focus On… …having a good time. And that’s it. Your goal right now is to make it so that when you end your ‘chill hangout’, he feels good about it so that he’ll want to hang out with you
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again. Once you get to this stage, you’re well on your way to getting him back into your arms. If the opportunity presents itself, you’ll need to start attempting to seduce him… but only when the time is right. You need to start gauging his reactions to you when you begin to “subconsciously” and unintentionally flirt with him. So how will you know if you should flirt and escalate sexually or not? I’ll cover this in the next chapter.
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Chapter 10
Seduce Him All Over Again ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 10: Seduce Him All Over Again Once you seduce your ex, you’ve won. But you don’t want to sleep with him… you’ll want to pull back at the last second. For a guy, it’s really easy to have sex with another woman and forget about this the very next day, so you don’t want this to happen. That type of thing is just hard-wired in our biology. Women, on the other hand, are hard-wired to try and find long-term mates. Think about it from biological standpoint. When a man has sex with a woman, what kind of risk is the man exposed to? Not much, unless he chooses to bang the wife of a King or something… but in terms of pure biology, he pretty much just loses 15 minutes of his life and that’s it. However, for a woman, there is much risk involved. When a woman has sex with a man, there is risk that she might get pregnant… and being pregnant means 9 months of being in a very vulnerable state (followed by 18 years of motherhood). Therefore she needs to make sure the man that he’s sleeping with is going to benefit him in the long run – she needs to make sure that he provides an adequate amount of protection for her and her children.
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When a woman chooses to have sex with a man, she’s subconsciously saying, I want this man to bear my children! Scary, huh? But it’s 100% true. But when a man chooses to have sex with a woman, he just wants to spread his seed… he doesn’t necessarily want to get back together with you unless you hold out on him. So I am going to give you a crash course on how to create a ridiculous amount of attraction with your ex. If you execute what I’m about to tell you properly, he’ll want you back faster than you can say, “I love you, Brad Browning.”
Seduction In A Nutshell Since you’ve already built rapport with your guy, and since you two already have a history, I’m going to skip the parts on how to pick up a guy “from scratch.” If you want more information on that, check out the other bonus items included in this program. For all intents and purposes, I’m only going to concentrate on two stages: Attraction, and Sex.
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Attraction Attraction is probably the most complex stage of seduction. Once you fully understand how attraction works, however, it will become easier and easier. When you are attracted to a man, do you ever wonder to yourself why you’re attracted to him? Often times, when you flip through a celebrity magazine, your hormones will go absolutely nuts by all the hot celebrity bodies that you see (I mean…male celebrity bodies…). Men are particularly attracted to physical appearance. It’s sad but true (especially sad if you’re a particularly unattractive female). But how about from a woman’s perspective? I’m not going to lie. Looks play a huge role when it comes to seducing men. If you’re naturally blessed with great looks, you’ll probably have a much easier time getting what you want from a guy. But looks only play about 30% of the battle here. Men also heavily weight personality and other intangibles not related to physical appearance, so if you don’t look like Heidi Klum, have no fear… you will still be able to seduce beautiful men, but your “game” will have to more finely tuned.
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Tease Him! If you’ve been a big reader in the attraction world, you may have heard of the term called “negging.” Negging is essentially synonymous with teasing, but it’s done in a particular way.
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You see, attractive men are constantly used to girls looking at them all the time. In fact, on average, an attractive man can have up to 10 women chasing him at any given time. Yeah, that’s a lot… and these guys all get complimented way too much! You can probably see how this can get boring and tiring very quickly for attractive guys. But what happen when a girl starts playfully teasing a guy? The guy gets interested. And thus, the guy will be more attracted to the woman that teases vs. the woman that does the same thing as every other girl in the world. Not only this, but teasing a guy takes a huge amount of confidence to perform! Here is a list of some popular “negs”: “Nice watch… did you get that at Wal-Mart?” “Your hair looks nice… is it fake? Are you wearing a wig or something?” “Awww, that’s cute. Your nose wiggles when you talk.” “I like your shirt… those are really popular nowadays.” “I’m not sure about you… you look like you’re trouble.”
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“How short are you?” “Nice glasses, dork.” “Who’s your last girlfriend? Clearly the guy didn’t spank you enough.” “It’s nice to see a girl that OCCASIONALLY works out.” You probably get the picture here. The list of negs can be endless! If you notice, these negs are playful… they’re meant to be fun and light-hearted, so obviously race/religion/politics is completely out of the question. And just like telling a funny joke, delivery is everything. Say these with a straight face. As soon as he reacts, just smile. Inject a few ‘negs’ into your story-telling and I guarantee you that he’ll be much more attracted to you!
Kinesthetic Attraction Every attraction model in the world has some form of “kino” attraction method. What is “kino” you might ask? It’s a term that pickup artists use to describe touching. If a woman wants to successfully attract and seduce a man, she absolutely must touch him. It is an incredibly powerful tool that conveys intimacy and deepens social connection. Remember how I said men were mostly turned on by physical appearance?
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Most men will say that they’re most attracted to a woman’s “tits and ass”, but to be honest, attraction extends much further. How much you touch him will also dictate the amount of attraction he will have for you, and a lot of women do not realize this. I don’t mean just sexual touching, but any sort of physical touching is important. Ever notice that men prefer having sex with the lights on and women enjoy sex with the lights off? It’s because women can get sufficiently aroused just by touching and feeling but men are no exception to this. There are three levels of kino escalation. The first level is completely non-sexual. This is the type of touching that normal friends would use on a daily basis, but here’s the trick… you have to touch him at the right moment. Have you ever heard of “Pavlov’s Dog”? Pavlov was a Russian physiologist who discovered the nature of classical conditioning. In his experiment, Pavlov would feed his dog, but as he fed his dog, he would ring a bell at the same time. He would do this several times, ringing the bell each time as the dog ate the food. One day, he decided he wouldn’t serve the dog any food but instead, he just rung the bell. What happened? Pavlov observed that the dog began to drool even though there was no food present.
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He conditioned the dog to think about food every time he rung the bell! Pretty neat, huh? Humans are subjected to classical conditioning all day long. You’re even classically conditioned to do a million things a day, but you just don’t notice it. So how can we use this to our advantage when it comes to re-attracting ex-boyfriends? Easy. As you’re talking to your ex (or any guy for that matter), touch him every time you sense that he’s having a good time. For example, say you tell a joke and he begins to laugh… quickly touch and hold his elbow as soon as he starts laughing then let go as the laughing wears off. See where I’m going with this? You are essentially using Pavlov’s law make him feel good about your touch. If you do this enough times, after a while, he will automatically get a sense of happiness if
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you just simply touch his elbow. The famous hypnotist Derren Brown uses this method all the time – and he does it right under peoples’ noses without them even noticing.
Taking Kino A Step Further So how will you know he’s ready for level 2 of kino-escalation? Once you apply my Pavlov kino routine on a man, you will begin to see what are known as indicators of interest or “IOI’s” as they’re known in the seduction world. Indicators of Interest are body and voice signals that indicate a man is interested in you. Here’s a list of known “IOI’s”: Lots of eye contact Facing his feet and pelvis towards you when you are in a group Breaking the ‘touch barrier’ often (ie. grabbing your arm, playing with your hair, giving you random hugs) Boasting or bragging about himself Buying you something as a gift, no matter how small (ie. coffee, toy vending machine ring, etc) Trying to get you alone and away from the group Using flirty words Complimenting you
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This list is certainly not exhaustive, as I can guarantee you if apply level 1 kino properly, you will be getting these reactions from your ex. If you aren’t, sit back and relax, but continue the cycle. Once you begin getting IOI’s on a regular basis, you need to step up your game a bit and begin level 2 kino. Start holding your touch for a little bit longer. Look into his eyes as you touch him. Find an excuse to sit a little bit closer to him and brush his shoulder with your shoulder. Pretend like there’s something on his face then brush it off. Begin to touch more “sexual” parts of him… like his knees, his shoulders, and his chest. There are two things that will happen here: one, he’ll be receptive and continue sending you IOI’s your way. If this is the case, then you’re good to go! However, there’s a chance that he’ll be slightly turned off by this… but don’t panic. Remember, you guys are just hanging out right now and your forwardness might frighten him. This is okay! If you sense that he’s backing away from your physical contact, then don’t do anything about it. Just relax and pretend it never happened, then go back to level 1 kino. It’s a very simple cycle. Once you master this, you’ll be gold!
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Find An Excuse To Move Locations You need to be in an environment when sex is possible. That means you’re either going back to his place or your place (his place is preferable since he’s most comfortable there), If you’re applying level 2 kino and you’re getting IOI’s back, it’s time to isolate him! You need to give him an excuse to move locations. This is easy, you can say something like…
“Hey! Roger (your dog) misses you… he would love to see you.” “I just got the new Death Cab for Cutie album on my laptop at home… let’s go listen to it!” “I just downloaded the full season of Grey’s Anatomy on my laptop… let’s go watch that.”
“Okay, I know this is kind of weird, but I’ve always known that your eye for design was way better than mine. I just got a new coffee table but I want your opinion of it.” “I’m thinking about painting my room a different colour and I’ve got a colour palette at home… I know you’re way better with this stuff than I am. Totally would love your help.”
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If he’s a nerd, you can say, “I just got the brand new Sky Rim game for Xbox! Let’s go back to my place and play it.” The possibilities are limitless here. Now, since you two just broke up, there is a chance that he’ll want to “take things slow” and might be hesitant to go back to your place on such short notice, but again, you want to give off a platonic vibe. Again, tell him that you only want to be friends!
How To Kiss Him So things are going well and the attraction is increasing… but when do you know he’s ready to be kissed? Here are a few tests that you can run with your ex to know if he’s ready to be smooched. If your boyfriend looks at you with ‘the gaze’ then he’s ready to be kissed. What is ‘the gaze’ you might ask? It’s when he’s looking at your mouth with glazed eyes. If you see this, go in for the kill.
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Another thing you can do is just gradually increase your kino… then start playfully pinching or hitting him. If he laughs and does it back to you… you’re in! Go in for the kill. If you’re on the couch, just start tickling him or massaging him… if he’s letting you do either of these things and looks like he’s having a great time, then you can kiss him. Don’t worry, you definitely won’t be rejected.
My “6 Magic Words” These words are only to be said right before you fully seduce your ex. What you’re trying to do here is turn your ex on sexually, but subtly remind them of an incredible sexual experience you two shared together. Try saying this right before you kiss your ex: “I want you inside of me.” I know. It’s provocative, but that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Remember, you have to say these words when sex is imminent. Make sure you say these words slowly, seductively, and make sure you’re looking into your ex’s eyes. If done correctly, you’ll
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ignite a sexually frenzy like you’ve never seen before – and this line can strike a dramatic chord with anyone.
A Dirty Attraction Tip… Ok, obviously after this, you’ll be trying to seduce him… and normally speaking, there are ways you can make sure seduction happens by increasing the amount of kino you’re using… but if seduction doesn’t happen, don’t worry… here’s a dirty little trick that I learned from one of my friends that will make it so that he’ll remember you after you leave. Bring a tiny spray bottle with your perfume in it. When he isn’t looking, spray your cologne on his bedroom pillow or his favorite stuffed animal. Don’t get caught doing this (and be sure to spray only a very small amount so you don’t stink up the whole room). But leaving this scent will make sure that he’ll be “thinking” of you that night, if you know what I mean!
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Chapter 11
Sex! ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 11: Sex! Now I bring you to level 3 kino… sex! I probably could write a 300-page book on sex if I wanted to. But is having sex with your old boyfriend a good idea? Yes, sure… guys can be pigs and it’s likely that the sex he’ll want to have with you is just sex for fun. I know you don’t want that, so we’re going to have to come up with an alternative plan so that he’ll actually want to get back together with you. I know that this can be difficult, but when you seduce him, he’ll want to have sex with you… but you can’t put out! As much as you may want to, putting out will just send him the wrong signal right now. What you want to do is essentially shut him down… but politely. Say this line to him, “As much as I want to do this, it isn’t right. We’re not
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together anymore. I’m sorry. Let’s just keep hanging out though, this is fun.” He should be okay with this… then keep hanging out with him and continue to have a good time with him. After you leave him, then go about your business… but keep hanging out with the guy and being super flirty. Turn him on. Seduce him again then pull away. Inevitably, he’ll begin to miss you again… and you’ll know he will because when you two don’t hang out, he’ll continually begin to text you or call you depending on what type of a communicator he is. Only then will you put out and give him the best sex of his life!
What To Do After Sex If you’ve gotten to this point, then congratulations! You’re doing great. Once you have sex with your ex, chances are your relationship will organically work itself out and you two will be able to freely talk about getting back together. However, there is a chance that he’ll only think of the sex as just “breakup sex” or a “one time thing.” Alternatively, there’s also a chance that he just wants to be friends with benefits.
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The last thing you want to do right now is blow it and turn into a wimp again. So don’t ask him what the “status” of your relationship is with him right now. For all he knows, you just want “breakup sex” too. So don’t bring up anything yet unless he brings it up. If he brings up the issue of your relationship, then by all means, this is your signal that you can now talk about getting back together again. However, if he doesn’t bring the topic up, then neither should you, but it is imperative that you continue seducing him and periodically pulling away. This is extremely important. In fact, from this point on, every time you meet up with him, make sure you are able to seduce him. That means having study dates/movie dates at your place or his place. At this point, just keep things light and continue having fun and being positive. Don’t become emotional or depressed when you are around him. Continue flirting and being fun. Hold his hand. At the end of each “date,” it is critical that you are the one that ends it. Say that you’re busy and that you have to go. Say you have to hang out with one of your guy friends and continue making it known to his that other men want you. Yes, what you’re essentially trying to do is induce jealousy and make him miss you. Eventually, if you do
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this properly, you will force him to initiate The Talk. There will be a moment when you tell him you need to leave after your date with him, but he prevents you from doing so. This is a great time to bring up the topic of your relationship. However, there is a chance that he won’t bring up the topic of your relationship at all. This is a signal that he just wants to be “friends with benefits”. If, after a period of 3 weeks of hanging out with him and sleeping with him, he doesn’t say anything, it will now be okay to bring up the topic of your relationship. But you need to make sure you bring up the topic in a particular way. Don’t plead for him to get back with you or coerce him into the idea of it. You want to pose the topic in the form of a question (just like in Jeopardy!). Say something like… “Do you think we’ll get back together? Because I’m getting that impression that you want to give things a second try.”
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This should sufficiently force the topic of your relationship with him. If he continues being evasive or hesitant, do no crack. But again, you must continue having a deep sexual relationship with him and continuing making him think that other men want you. Even if he claims he just wants to be friends with benefits, eventually, he will crack. Men don’t want to share. This will help you get out of the “friends with benefits” zone and into the “relationship” zone. Pretty soon, your ex will want to talk to you about getting back together in a real, committed relationship – but do not make anymore mistakes. You already know what you’ve done wrong, and you can’t afford to blow it again. So once your ex brings the topic of your relationship status up again, say that you want to continue taking things slow again. Don’t say that you are or aren’t interested, but say that you haven’t been thinking about it that much. If you really want to be manipulative, you can even say that there’s another person chasing after you, wanting to be in a relationship and that you’re thoroughly confused as to what to do. Remember: you want to flip the situation upside down and be the one that is playing hard to get so that your ex will be the one chasing you. As soon as your ex knows that they’ve won you over so easily, they’ll lose interest and you’ll be back to square one!
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Chapter 12
Preventing Breakup ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 12: Preventing Breakup Once you’ve gotten back with your boyfriend or husband, it’s important that you know how to keep him this time. To be honest, if you’ve read this far, you probably already know how to keep the attraction alive, so I’m not going to go over information that’s already been stated. If you sense that your boyfriend is drifting away, then let him know that you aren’t going to stay around. Keep him in line by threatening him that you’ll leave if he continues acting in an unacceptable way, but don’t say it resentfully, just simply say, “Babe, if that’s how you feel, then break up with me.” By doing this, you are instilling fear within him and you’re letting him know that you’re a confident woman. You’re showing
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that you don’t need him.
Keep Things Interesting This is one of the biggest killers of relationships: boredom. A lack of interest is a very powerful force, so you need to deal with it accordingly. There are some very obvious relationship phases. You might have heard of the term “Honeymooning Phase” – this is when a relationship is new, fresh, exciting, and full of mystery. But once that phase ends, things get a little more relaxed. You’ve gotten to know him and he’s gotten to know you. The interest isn’t as strong as it was before (though the bond may be stronger). It is now a slow progression of you two growing together – not of two people simply coming together. After awhile, things will inevitably get stale. This is what I like to call the “Bonded Phase”. Think of your life for a minute. Is every single moment in your life super exciting? I can guarantee you that it isn’t. There will always be “down time” in life, and the same goes for relationships. So now that we’ve accepted that “down time” is part of relationships, the only thing we can do to help prevent boredom is to make this “down time” temporary.
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But if he’s becoming bored, then maybe now is the time to ask yourself why boredom is happening. Is it because you’re spending too much time with him? Is it because you are constantly in a bad mood and never want to do anything? Now is the perfect time to reflect on your relationship and find out some causes for this lack of interest. In all good relationships, communication is paramount. Both of you have to work together, problem-solve together, and thus grow together. Here are a few things that will help you keep your relationship feeling a little bit more alive: 1.) Set up a semi-routine date night. Make sure you set aside time each week to go out and spend quality time together. Don’t make it happen just “every Wednesday” or “every Friday”… mix it up a little bit and keep him on his toes. Keep him guessing. 2.) Join a club or group. Do some fun classes together. Try and learn something new with him. This is a great bonding experience. 3.) Be social together and go out with friends. Occasionally bring out your boyfriend to social events and meet more people. Keep in mind that couples
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love meeting other couples! 4.) Gifts! Very occasionally get him thoughtful and inexpensive gifts. 5.) Get a pet. Go to a pet store together and buy a pet that’s easy to care for. Make sure you both see the pet as “yours,” and share the responsibility of maintaining it. Fish are easy and fun without being too much work. Cats are good if you live together and can afford the expense. Your new furry (or finned) friend will give you something to do together, and something to talk about. 6.) Learn to talk about anything. Yes, a lot of the time when couples are bored it’s because they have nothing left to talk about since the mystery has vanished. Start reading and expand your knowledge base and talk about new things you’ve learned. This will not only
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help your relationship but yourself as well. 7.) Confront him about a lost passion. Did he used to love riding motorcycles or playing the guitar? Ask why he stopped, then surprise him with a gift relating to that activity. He will love you for it! 8.) Get his adrenaline pumping. If you do sense your boyfriend is slipping away, then sometimes a nice big adrenaline-fueled adventure is what’s needed to spark the attraction again. Though this isn’t a long-term solution, it often works well as a stopgap. Go to a theme park and go on some rides together. Go bungee jumping. Go sky-diving. Plan a huge trip together… or even a simple road trip! Give your boyfriend something to work towards and look forward to. 9.) Make sex more interesting. Buy toys, lingerie, even role-play! Your man is willing to go further than you think he will.
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Induce Jealousy If things are really looking really grim, then nothing works better than plain old jealousy. Start flirting with other men… a lot! Go out on a date with your boyfriend and start flirting with some other men. Get a guy friend to send you a sexy message and let your man see it. Find reasons to talk to his guy friends. Just make it known to your boyfriend that other guys are chasing you. Once he gets a genuine feeling that he’s close to losing you, he’ll start feeling more attracted to you. I know, it doesn’t sound logical, but it works… and it works almost too well. Again, I don’t condone these acts, but they just work so well that I just had to include them in my book.
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Chapter 13
Conclusion ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 13: Conclusion Congratulations! I hope that this book has helped you get your ex-boyfriend back. And, if you’ve done everything properly, he should be begging you to return to him. But like I said, anything can happen. If you’ve tried everything in this book and more… and your boyfriend still isn’t back in your arms, then maybe it’s time to think about moving on. Think about it this way: if you’ve used the most powerful psychological tools at your disposal to try and win him back and they still haven’t worked, then do you really think that this guy is worth it? Let’s face it. Not everyone is made for each other and sometimes some problems run so deep that they can never be fixed, but that’s life. Do you really want to continue trying to be with a man that doesn’t appreciate you? That doesn’t care about you? That would probably leave you for another woman if he had the opportunity? Every woman deserves a man that treats them the way they’re supposed to be treated. Relationships are a two-way street and both sides have to be willing to make the effort and sacrifice. If your boyfriend is stupid enough to not get back with you, then find a man that is smart enough to never leave you.
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Thank you very much for purchasing my program. I sincerely appreciate your business, and I wish you all the best in your efforts to win back the love of your life. Questions? Need further assistance with your specific situation? I offer a personal email coaching service to customers who have signed up for The Ex Factor Guide. You can find more details and register for my personal email coaching service by clicking here. Once again, thank you… and best wishes in your romantic endeavors!
Brad Browning
Relationship Coach, Breakup Expert, Best-Selling Author
[email protected] www.ExFactorGuide.com | www.LoveLearnings.com
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