The Breathtaking Hello

The Breathtaking Hello Everyone wants to know

what s the FIRST thing I should say to her?

Well, that s what we re going to cover here. You can t move things forward if you don t have her attention. Unless, of course, you can convince the owner of the bar to play a mix of music with embedded subliminal commands. But that s just plain creep y. And I don t want you to be creepy - I want you to be bold. Let s talk about what my goals are not when I m opening a conversation: making her like me trying to win her approval avoiding rejection being too nice Sensing a trend? I m not trying to be a jerk, but a girl may think I m a butthead ich is somewhere on that fine line between confidence and arrogance and has a lo t to do with being bold and having fun. As Fifty Cent once said, a bold act creat es its own favorable circumstances.

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One of the great fears which leads to approach anxiety is that a man is not wort hy of a woman s attention that once he has it, he s going to mess things up. Part of this is that he doesn t think that he himself deserves the woman s attention (and t hat issue is outside of the scope of this bonus see Unbreakable for that). The o ther part is that he doesn t trust his skills. It d be like asking a total wimp to b e the Sheriff of a tough town in the Old West. If he didn t trust himself with a g un, it d hardly be fair to ask him to participate in a shoot-off at high noon. The good news for you is that the stakes aren t nearly as high. The bad news is th at, while we re not in the Old West and no one is challenging you to a duel, you D O have to approach girls at some point in your life unless you wish to remain to tally celibate. Getting back to the point at hand, you ve got to be OK with having a woman s attenti on on you. ALL of it. You ve got to be OK with her evaluating you and feeling out your You ve got to be OK with her giving you a cold shoulder llenge, maybe for real.

vibe .

maybe to be a bit of a cha

You have to be OK with the fact that you might screw it up and fumble that girl you ve had your eye on for awhile.

even with

You ve got to be OK with the fact that she could be really boring (it happens more often than you think). And you ve got to be OK with the scariest thing of all the possibility that she mi ght actually think you re fun/cute/charming and that she would want to keep talkin g to you! If you can t be OK with these things, you ll find it mighty hard to approach women. In fact, a surefire way to tell the difference between a guy who is experienced, and a guy who is just blowing hot air, is how much the guy thinks he can contro l the outcome of the approach. The pros have approached enough women to know that they have little control over the approach, and they re OK with whatever comes the ir way. Another distinguishing trait of pros is that they relish the excitement of havin

g the attention thrown on them. Some think of it as a game, some as a competitio n, and others just really like women and to let their killer instinct out. In an y case, the spotlight of a woman s attention brings out their best (if this is som ething you struggle with, the topic was covered extensively in Say Hello Part 1) . There are a lot of ways to capture a woman s attention. You can ask them a questio n, or join the conversation, introducing a new topic. You can make a personal st atement (like a compliment), a personal observation, or ask a personal question. You can start hitting emotional buttons right away with your body language, you r facial mannerisms, and certainly your words. And as a reminder to be.

the more emotion you create, the quicker and sharper you ll have

You can t do/say one thing that creates a huge emotional spike, then return to bei ng timid. Emotions are like waves. Don t just lap at the sandy shores of her atten tion create something that s fun to surf . And if you happen to create a Tsunami, you better be a good swimmer, son. Let s get into the material and see how it all pla ys out. THE BOMBING OPENER My girlfriend dislikes this one probably because she does not like to think of m e as a crass human being. But since I ve been using it for so long to great effect , and since this is the Tsunami of opening lines, I d be remiss to not share it wi th you. The whole point of the bombing opener is to give you something that shocks a wom an and possibly offends her sensibilities. Note that that s different from persona lly offending her I don t want you getting slapped. No, the response to this one s hould be a look of shock, like is he actually saying this right now? To keep with the water metaphors, starting your conversation with a bombing opener is like ju mping into a pool of cold water it forces you to warm up quickly, rather than ge tting in slowly. And it is FUN when you do it with your buddies. It becomes a challenge to see wh o can come up with the most ridiculous opener, who gets the funniest responses f rom the women, and who can actually turn it around and make the conversation wor k. A bombing opener has never failed to get my night started right. It s fun, it s bold , and it gets your blood moving. Opener 1: Hey ladies, listen my girlfriend is out of town this weekend and, well I was wondering if you d be down for a threesome. Opener 2: Hey girls, I ve got a question. I I mean, my friend, was wondering if size really matters. Because I, I mean my friend has been really afraid to get intimate with a woman because I.. uhy, he is so small. What Comes Next: A million things can happen. Girls might look at you with disgu st, but more likely they ll respond with something to the effect of what did you ju st say? In the first example, you could push it further and say I mean, I could se e it the moment I approached you two what a crush you have on each other, so if anything I m just trying to help you two live out the secret that neither of you w ants to admit to . Trust me, that ll get a kick out of that one. Once you ve had a little bit of fun, you can back off and say hey I m just teasing yo u guys are good sports, what s your names? But you never know what the girls are go ing to do with this one I ve seen girls kiss each other, I ve had them challenge me

in a fun way ( ok, but only if you film it ) you ve got to be receptive to whatever com es, as this opener really draws out the heart of a girl s personality. One final point that bears mentioning you have to have a fun attitude when you d rop a Bombing Opener. A girl once told me she could see the smile in my eyes. A gu y who is a total creepbag and who delivers these dispassionately will not experi ence good things. So have FUN!!! SITUATIONAL OBSERVATIONS These account for many of the conversations that I start, and I ll tell you, they weren t easy to get good at. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to nat urally come up with spontaneous stuff that was relevant to the situation at hand . Hmm the alligator head on the wall at the dive bar what can I say about it that h asn t been said a thousand times before? Thing is, you don t have to be overly clever. Usuallly, it s not about coming up wit h the most impressive thing to say in the world, but rather, getting words out o f your mouth. So you can go for the easy shots. An easy shot would be commenting on what she s drinking, or noticing something abo ut her personal style that is cool, funky or sexy. Opener 1: Is that framboise you re drinking? Opener 2:Super-cool bracelet you ve got on. In these cases, you re noticing something slightly different about her. Opener 3: Can you tell me if these avocados are ripe? An easy shot at the super-market. Just be comfortable with her attention! If you want to make things a little more fun, you ve got to get absurd. I like to look for fun and interesting interpretations of the world around me. For example Opener 3: Is this the line for the fire extinguisher? room, which was right next to the fire extinguisher)

(I was the line for the bath

Opener 4: You two are the zipper checkers, right? (said to two girls who were st anding at the entrance to the hallway to the bathroom). Opener 5:This song rocks! This is the best high school reunion ever! (if you re da ncing near a girl who s about your age, and a song comes on from your high school years) How do you train yourself to do this? You can start with the Coffee Shop Drill. Another option is to watch a lot of Russell Brand videos on YouTube. But here ar e a few pointers in the meantime for adding some witty, absurd charm to your spo ntaneous situational openers: how can you misinterpret the environment in a way that is obvious, but that no one is thinking about? how can you misinterpret what the girl(s) are doing in a way that is funny o r silly? Again, I have some exercises for this stuff in The Ten Code, but for now, you ca n start looking for fun and interesting opportunities for misinterpretation. And whatever the case, it s better to get any words out there than to get perfect wor ds out there, so don t get hung up on being clever if that s holding you back from t alking to women.

HER UNCONSCIOUS CONVERSATION This concept has been incredibly useful to me in starting conversations. You cou ld call it empathy , but it s not so much about what someone is feeling as it is what they re thinking. You want to step into their head for a second and consider their thoughts. If th ey could open their mouths right now and tap right into their unconscious mind, what would come out of it? For example, standing in line at a drug store you cat ch a woman looking at this week s tabloid. Opener 1: That Lindsay Lohan! It s just so hard not to pay attention to her. If you were to ask her, at that very moment, to put her unconscious thoughts to words, you might hear something like that. Of course, you d follow it up with some thing like Me, I m more of a Tom Cruise stalker myself. I ll take scientology over dr ugs any day. You can playfully tease someone for having an unconscious conversation that isn t even happening. For example, if a girl looks at you while you re passing her by on the street, you could say: Opener 2: If you re gonna give a guy that look, you should say hello. Her: What Look? You: What look? Like a fat kid looking at an ice cream cone, that s what look! Along those lines, if you re making eye contact with a girl at a bar, you can appr oach her and say: Opener 3: I couldn t let you sit here all night without giving you the chance to g et to know me. Again, you re playfully teasing her for thinking something that was along the line s of what she was thinking but, with your own self-aggrandizing delivery, you cr eate instant drama and emotion. You can also take the conversation in her head in a new, absurd direction. Earli er today, I was sitting next to a girl at a sushi bar. It was an epic challenge to get the attention of the guy behind the counter, and even when this girl was waving her debit card at him to pay her bill, he wasn t coming over. Opener 4: I m pretty sure that if you throw your debit card at him like a ninja st ar, you get a free meal if you lodge it deep in his heart. A little macabre? Sure. But notice that I tuned into her frustration and impatie nce, and came up with an absurd outlet for them in my opener. Hang around me eno ugh and you ll hear me say stuff like that sucks we should electrocute them or that s a nnoying, we should feed them to alligators when someone (usually a cute girl) is talking about someone who annoys her. Always good for a laugh. When you re out and about, ask yourself : what s going on in this person s head right no w and what could I add onto it to make it funny? You ll start developing this skill in no time flat. JOINING THE CONVERSATION With the last time, you were entering an unconscious conversation in a woman s hea d (good if you re approaching one woman). But an easier path is to enter the real conversation going on in the real world (good if you re approaching two or more wo men). You listen in, try to find a hook, and then butt in with your thoughts, op inions and questions. Easy, right?

Broadly, when joining a conversation, you pretend that you re already in , and use on e of two conversational conventions that are a foundation of my conversations: Ye s, And / Yes, But . Yes, And involves agreeing with something that someone has said, and then taking th e conversation further in that direction. For example yeah man, I love cigarettes , love me some emphysema too . Obviously, sarcasm there. Or yeah, you look hot in t hat. so hot that we re not going to make it out the door get over here baby. Probabl y save that one for your girlfriend. In both cases, though, see how we re agreeing with a statement, then taking it further in that direction? Yes, But involves agreeing with something that someone has said, then posing an obj ection. Yeah the movie was good but my date was so LAME. Say this to a girl as you re walking out of the theatre jokingly, of course! See how easy it is to be witty with Yes, And

and Yes, But

?

Now in matters of starting a convo, any time two (or more) women are getting chi tty chatty with each other at the bar, you can look for a hook and join the conv ersation. It usually goes best when you offer a new perspective (yes, and ) or pos e a question (yes, but ). For example, let s say you re standing at a bar and two girls are talking about how hard they should go out. OPENER 1: So really the question is are you going out, or are you going OUT out? Because going OUT out is a whole different level of commitment. We soon decided that they were, in fact, going OUT out, shots were ordered, and we spent the rest of the evening with these girls. In this case, I used some cul tural slang (going OUT out) to make it fun. And it s more or less a yes, but inasmuch as it s a challenge. But you don t have to get too fancy you can be plain old fun instead. I was standi ng nearby a group who was discussing Braveheart. OPENER 2: Did I just hear someone say Braveheart? (pause). Uh superhunk. (laughte r). I guess the movie was ok too. (more laughter, of course). I don t suggest adding too much of a gay vibe to your personality (although it s eas ier to get away with in a big city), but I find it very easy to join a conversat ion if my words sound like they re coming from one of the girls at first. Sometimes you ll be standing next to girls waiting for a drink, and one of them will be talk ing to her friend about something that a guy said/texted/facebook d etc. to her. V ery easy to join this one: OPENER 3: He did not say that. I told you he just liked you for your money. I found that if you just say the first line, girls get defensive, but if you add the money comment, they can t help but laugh. You can then do a little roleplay a bout how rich she is and how she should ve spent her inheritance on cookies and be er. Or whatever other funny things you can come up with. Another great spot to Join a Convo is when you re standing next to some women at a stopwalk, or walking down the street nearby them. A few summers ago, I was walk ing next to some girls, one of whom was complaining about how even though she d go ne to a friend s birthday party, the friend had not reciprocated by attending hers :

OPENER 4: Don t you just hate that? You get a bottle of wine, show up, make sure t hey know they re loved and then what! Some friend, huh? She agreed, we pouted together, realized we were both Leos and lived nearby, and numbers were exchanged. (Oh, and did you notice that my opening line was basica lly a big Yes, And ? Oh yeah.) I hope you see just how simple it is and how natural and deadly effective it can be to join the conversation. Yes! And onwards. CATCHING UP A close cousin to Joining the Convo, Catching Up also works by ou already know them and are in with them. It s not quite as e Convo, but it requires zero creativity, so it s great if you in the world of approaching and attracting women, or if you re gourd and nothing else is coming to mind. It s quite simple ething like:

pretending that y effective as Joining th re just starting out smashed out of your

you find some girls who seem open and receptive, and you say som

OPENER 1: Well there you are! I was wondering when we d run into each other again! Said playfully, this sets you up for a fun roleplay. Assuming she responds posit ively, you drop something like Last time I saw you, man, I ve got to say well, I m not sure if you remember, but it was an effort to keep you from stealing that miniv an. Notice the Framing going on with that line. That little thief! You can say other variations like: OPENER 2: Well there you guys are ing all over FourSquare!

where the heck were you before this, I was look

As I write this, FourSquare is culturally relevant here in NYC, but you could su bstitute it out if some new creepy technology for tracking people comes out by t he time you read this. Again, this works best on girls who already look open and receptive for girls who are huddled up and planning their next move. Enjoy. HELLO WITH A NICKNAME

not so much

Love this one with all my heart. These were the first words out of my mouth with the Playboy girl, and many other women who were so pretty that I wanted to chew on glass to calm myself down. And they re REALLY simple. You see her. You get nearby. And then you say something like: OPENER 1: Whatcha up to, chief? That s it. And then she tells you what she s up to (Sudoko, in the case of Ms. Playm ate), and then you guys get into it. The first three words don t do much, but when you add the chief, all of a sudden things become much more flirty, and she realiz es you re not scared of her. Which helps when you re speaking to a scary-hot girl. Here s another one: OPENER 2: Hey sassypants, how s your night going? That phrase

sassyepants

it never ceases to get a laugh. Or how about these?

OPENER 3: Hey there trucker OPENER 4: What s up nutterbutter? Now you ll notice none of these are super complimentary. They aren t like cutie or hott ie or sexyface. That stuff is cheeseball. Go for the nickname you d give to your schoo lyard buddy, your younger sister, or the kid who everyone used to pick on (that was you right? I mean, they all called me bucktooth, which I ve never called a wom an but now that I remember it, I ll probably give it a go). The h a for t a

nonverbals here especially the eye contact matter a lot. If you say them wit slight look of a challenge on your face, like you have no idea what s in store you, but it s gonna be fun, she ll usually pick up on that, and she might just ge little playful herself.

Her: Trucker? Why Trucker? You: Uhhh that was you who honked from that big semi earlier today, right? Chewing tobacco, blabbing away on that CB radio and all those poor little piggies you w ere haulin , they just didn know where you was takin em Yes, these exact words have come out of my mouth before with a girl who was a st raight up ten. I worked it with my best Texas drawl, and was met with explosive laughter. You notice that I m doing an extended Yes And to create an absurd story he re? Well, that s how to pick up a Pashaw. OPINIONS, BETS, ASSISTANCE

ten. And I bet you thought it involved breathing fire!

If you ve read anything about being a Pick Up Artist , you probably know at least two things: negs and opinion openers. We ll save the former for another day, and cons ider the latter in the here and now. Frankly, I never loved using other peoples opinion openers, as I don t like being i nauthentic. Of course, you re welcome to use mine, but I find that these work best when they are truly spontaneous the result of a conversation you re having with a friend or a nagging question you need answered. I find that anything that references popular culture works well. Women generally know (and care) about celebrities, fashion, entertainment all of that nonsense t hat keeps them occupied while us menfolk are out starting wars, building empires , and heralding in the apocalypse. I, for one, am far to busy to watch the show Friends (ok, maybe I ve seen it once or twice) but it wasn t long ago that I was at a bar waiting for a friend to arrive, texting a female friend of mine to pass th e time. Leaning over to two girls at the next table, I said OPENER 1: Hey, uh .. I need some girlie advice. You guys know the name of Jennifer Aniston s character on Friends? They told me it was Rachel, and I nodded a quick Thank You to them. Nothing spok en just quickly returned to my phone. After finishing the text, I looked at them , held my gaze until they looked back, and said thanks, that s perfect . (hint hint reating intrigue). They began asking me why I needed to know that, and I told th em that my friend was such a scatterbrain and we were off. Another example that came up one time was when my buddy David and I were trying to settle a bet about the name of a Backstreet Boys song. OPENER 2: Hey guys, we need some girlie help, wondering if you could help us set

c

tle a bet. Do you remember what the big Backstreet Boys song hit was? Quit Playi ng Games With My Heart or Bye Bye Bye? I was quickly informed that EVERYONE knows that *NSync wrote Bye Bye Bye, to whi ch I replied that obviously, dumb guys who are off building empires don t always kn ow such things and again in there like swimwear. You might have also noticed the phrase articular word is going down well.

girlie . As of the time I write this, that p

You can also ask a personal question one example that comes to mind was when I w as back in Ann Arbor and had been jean shopping with my friend Bria all day. Lat er that evening, I was out and noticed a girl wearing some VERY sexy jeans. OPENER 3: Hey, those jeans fit you great (pause) I was out shopping with my frien d today and she s got a very similar figure to you mind if I ask where you got the m? I ve since used this many times and have never had a girl not be flattered. Then g ive her a little tease about how they should be paying her to model them, ask a personal question maybe stick around or maybe take off all of which we ll be coveri ng later on. DIRECT COMPLIMENTS On our coaching programs, we used to (and occasionally still do) have guys give flowers to random pretty girls on the street. In cities like NYC and San Francis co, this is actually less weird than a lot of the other things you ll see. And it helps drive home an important point: women LOVE gifts when you don t expect anythi ng in return. When you re approaching a girl to give her a compliment, you want to have the mind set of an art patron. Wow look at this beautiful thing that someone has created t has spirit! Any artist can paint a clock, but it took Salvador Dali to paint Th e Persistence of Memory. Any sculptor can create a statue of man, but it took Mi chaelangelo to create David. A compliment to a beautiful woman means nothing unl ess you re connecting it to the spirit she radiates. This, my friend, is what I lo ok for in people, and if you can do the same, you ll find yourself giving awesome compliments.

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For example, every now and then you ll see a girl who really put effort into putti ng herself together. Telling the checkout girl at Whole Foods that OPENER 1: I love the way you matched your eye shadow with your earrings. (she sm iles, blushes, says thanks). Was that intentional, or random chance as you rolle d out of bed this morning? Guys rarely notice the little things that stand out on a woman n a thousand who does, it ll make her feel mighty special.

if you re the one i

You can just go straight up and tell a woman that you think she s beautiful. This works great when you re leaving a bar and see someone lovely on the way out. No ti me to think, no time to angle yourself for something more casual you ve got to go in for the kill. OPENER 2: Hey listen I know this is forward but I just had to tell you how beauti ful you are. (she smiles, blushes, says thanks). I don t know if anyone has told y ou that yet today, but I couldn t pass by without letting you know that. What s your name? That second part about not letting the day go by

is important

it shows that you re g

iving it to her as a gift. Now, if you want to be really bold, you can throw thi s one out to women on the street or when you re just chilling at the bar or a part y it s right up there with the bombing opener in terms of creating emotion in the conversation, but if you can keep the boldness up, you ll love it. Or you can go deeper. Some women just light up the room as they walk through it. Opener 3: Hey listen I know this is forward but I just had to tell you how beauti ful you are. (she smiles, blushes, says thanks). I mean, there are a lot of pret ty girls in the world, but you have some sort of happy inner light it s just radian t. (she says thanks again). Like what s the story you just get a promotion, or walk ing hand in hand with God, or what ? The last part always gets a laugh with religious women because they re like YES!!! ! and with atheists and agnostics because they like to make fun of believers. Finally, sometimes you ll see a girl who is wearing something that everyone is sta ring at, and maybe even complimenting her on. For example, a woman is wearing a dress that has every man s jaw on the floor and every other woman s heart green with envy. So you use a little misdirection humor (much more on that in The Ten Code ), walk up, and say OPENER 4: Wow, that looks incredible on you your smile, I mean. (she laughs, says thanks). I mean, the dress is pretty nice too and I m so glad I didn t wear mine ou t tonight or we d have confused everyone Delivered right, it will make her crack up of course she thinks you re talking abo ut her dress until she realizes you re not. And that last phrase about I m so glad I didn t wear mine out tonight was been borrowed from my buddy Johnny, one of the mos t charming men I know. Never fails to disqualify the compliment just enough to l et her drop her guard. Finally, if you re ready to get shameless, there s the over the top compliment. This isn t so much a statement as a way of thinking. Go hard or go home, buddy. You re p utting your desire for her right out there, front-and-center, and you just can t h elp it because she s so damn sexy. Typically, this works great at nightclubs and b ars where the vibe is highly charged. OPENER 5: Oh my God, look at you. Come here, what s your name? Allow yourself to be drawn to her and tell her how sexy she is right away! You ar e ridiculously hot, how do you expect a simple guy like me not to get a massive crush? If she s receptive to it, you can go for the kiss right then and there. This is done with intense body language and rapid escalation, and is demonstrated mo re in depth on our IRRESISTIBLE program. PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER Everyone has their ways of approaching women, and you re reading this to learn min e. Hopefully, a few things stand out: There s no one-size-fits-all approach. It s always based on the situation. Getting her attention ought to be approached with a fun, creative spirit. Th e more that your mindset is to simply get her attention (as opposed to saying th e perfect thing) the more it frees you up to have fun. There are a few lines in here that you can memorize and repeat verbatim, but wha t I m trying to capture is that it s better to engage at all than it is to get it pe rfectly. All of these openers work, but they should be inspiration, and not mere

ly something for you to merely duplicate. I want to teach you how to fish, not j ust give you a nice piece of salmon, friend-o.