The Breakup Cure

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The Breakup Cure The “Shortcut” to Getting Over a Break Up By Kevin Kurgansky All Rights Reserved Copyright 2013 True Fulfillment

www.HowToGetOveraRelationship.com It is illegal to copy, distribute, or create derivative works from this book in whole or in part, or to contribute to the copying, distribution, or creating of derivative works of this book. Any violation is subject to maximum punishment in the court of law. By purchasing this book, you agreed that the information contained in this book is an opinion and will be used for personal entertainment purposes only. The author may not be liable for any direct or indirect consequences that occur from the use of any of the ideas contained in this book. You are responsible for your own behavior and this work is not to be considered professional, medical or psychological advice. If you’ve been raped or abused or if you are having any kind of suicidal thoughts, please contact a local mental health care professional immediately. This course is not meant to be used as a substitute for traditional counseling or therapy.

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About the Author Kevin Kurgansky is the author of The Breakup Bible and the creator of The Breakup Cure and The Breakthrough Breakup Method. He is also a Certified Coach with The Life Coach Institute and has his own private practice as a break-up and relationship coach. Kevin graduated from DePaul University and completed his Couples Therapy Training with The Gottman Relationship Institute Seven years ago, Kevin went through a devastating break up that brought him to the lowest point of his entire life. The breakup propelled him on the path of self-discovery and he used it as a catalyst for his transformation. He emerged from the experience a changed man and went on to help thousands of people through the painful process of getting over a break up.

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Introduction Before you read any further, I just want you to take a moment to realize that you are not alone. I know that after a break up it often feels like no one can possibly understand what you’re going through right now but I want you to know that I’ve been in your shoes myself numerous times and so have millions of other people. It’s important to acknowledge that what you’re experiencing right now is actually very common. In fact, there are thousands (if not millions) of people all around the world that are going through the exact same thing right now. I know it might seem like things will never get any better and there’s just too much to deal with but it’s absolutely essential that you remember this one thing…

“Nothing lasts forever… not even your troubles.” I want you to think back to a time in your life when something unexpected happened and you felt like it was the end of the world. I want you to relive that experience for a moment and feel how it made you feel at the time. Now I want you to rate that feeling on a scale of 1 – 10 (1 being not bad at all and 10 being the worst you can imagine) Now I want you to think about how you feel about that situation right now and then rate it again from a scale of 1 – 10. I can guarantee that the way you felt about it the moment it happened and the way you feel about it now are radically different… probably by at least 3-5 points. See, when something really unexpected happens we have a natural tendency to over exaggerate it and make it out to be much worse than it really is. In fact, you may have found it so funny that you were once stressing out so much and driving yourself crazy over it that you may have had a hard time experiencing some of the same emotions or even remembering how you felt! Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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In a time of pain and struggle, it’s always good to look back at another a time in your life where you felt like what you were going through was so unbearable and then compare it to how you feel about it now. You may be wondering… how is it that something that once seemed like it was the end of the world is not even a problem anymore? What changed? Well, the thing that changed was your perspective Over time, you actually started to see the situation differently and once you began to see what happened in a different light, it changed the way you felt about it. Well, the way you’re seeing your break up right now is causing you to suffer. In other words, your perspective is “distorted” because you’re caught up in the storm. So what I’m really here to do is help you expand your perspective and help you start to see your break up a little differently. Once you begin to see it, it will change how you feel about it and then you’ll be over it before you know it. There’s a brilliant quote by Albert Einstein that says: “Life’s most significant problems cannot be solved at the same level of thinking you were at when you created them.” So my goal is that this information will help you reach a “new level of thinking” so that you can deal with the breakup and move on with your life. I’m going to do this by sharing some of the lessons I’ve learned on my own journey, as well as strategies and techniques that I’ve used to help thousands of people get over their ex. I also hope to help you see things in a new light so you can gain some “perspective” on the situation so you can look back on this in the future and go “wow, that wasn’t nearly as bad as I made it out to be” (just like you did in that last exercise) Hell, maybe you’ll even be able to crack a smile about it later. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves though… Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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How to Get the Most Out of this Course I want to make it clear from the very beginning that this is not simply meant to be read, it’s meant to be used as a “workbook” to help you heal as fast as possible. In order to help you do this, I’ve incorporated a good blend of theory and information, as well as specific techniques and action steps you can take immediately after reading it. So treat it like a “workbook” - read each and then spend some time doing the exercises and reflecting on how you can apply it to your own life. Simply reading it from start to finish WON’T just magically heal you. Don’t get me wrong, I share a lot of very powerful techniques in this book that will help you heal your broken heart and move on with your life. However, they won’t do you any good if you just read about them and don’t use them. I can give you the resource but you have to take responsibility for actually using it. However, I promise that if you actually use the resource and apply all the powerful techniques I share, you will feel an instant sense of relief the very first time you do it. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a “quick fix solution” but it does work. So here’s my promise to you… If you really immerse yourself in all the information I share in this book and you reflect on how it applies to your situation, you will drastically speed up your recovery process and get over your ex at least twice as fast as you normally would. You’ll also walk away with a greater sense of clarity about your relationship, but even more importantly, a better understanding of yourself. I hope the information in this course helps you as much as it’s helped me and thousands of other people from all around the world. Enjoy. Kevin

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Section 1:

How to Deal with Rejection Hey, what’s going on? It’s Kevin here and I want to thank you for getting my program. In this section, I want to talk to you about the #1 most important thing that you need to do after a breakup: learning how to deal with rejection. The way you deal with rejection will determine: 1) how easy it is for you to cope with the breakup 2) how likely you are to get them back 3) whether you’ll have a chance of being friends with them in the future But even more importantly, it’s going to shape how they remember you for the rest of your life. So with all this in mind, it’s really important to learn how to deal with rejection the RIGHT way, rather than the way that comes naturally to most of us after a break up (which is often very counterproductive).

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What Happens When We Get Rejected? Rejection is a very powerful thing. When someone rejects us (especially when it’s the person we love) a whole bunch of stuff comes up for us. We feel hurt, rejected and downright devastated. It usually comes as a total shock to us and it feels like our whole world is falling apart. Rejection actually sets off a series of physiological responses in our body that most of us are not even aware of. Only people like me who “geek out” on this kind of stuff actually know what’s going on behind the scenes. So, what happens inside of you when you get rejected by someone? When someone rejects you, it actually triggers a part of your brain called the amygdala.

This is the same part of our brain that’s responsible for our fight/flight mechanism (you may have heard of that before). This part of us gets activated anytime we feel threatened. When this part of us gets activated, we go into a hyper-intense state of awareness in order to be better equipped to eliminate the threat. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Okay, so what does this part of our brain actually do after a break up? To put it simply, it automatically goes into a “fight” response in order to eliminate the threat. The threat, in this case, is the possibility of losing them forever. In fact, just the IDEA of losing them is enough to makes you panic. That’s why you start doing a bunch of crazy stuff like calling and texting your ex over and over again, begging and pleading, and promising to change. You do everything you can to get them back and you try to preserve the relationship at all costs. Why? Because you’re desperately trying to avoid the potential loss and change. See, as humans, we don’t really like change. Any kind of change, especially one as drastic as losing the person that’s closest to us, means our entire world flipping upside down. A magnitude of change that’s that drastic is never easy, no matter what your relationship was like. In fact, just the thought of losing them can be downright frightening. So this nifty little part of our brain actually developed an extraordinarily powerful survival mechanism to eliminate the chance of that ever happening. The “survival mechanism” I’m referring to here is the need to RECONCILE This often shows up in the form of begging, crying, pleading and other desperate attempts to get our ex back. Why? Because getting our ex back = keeping things the same. And as long as things are the same, everything is safe, comfortable and familiar (even if it’s not necessarily the best thing for us in the long the run) However, the “long run” is not what your brain is concerned with in that moment. All it’s concerned with is trying to keep things from falling apart.

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Sure, we can come up with a bunch of neat rationalizations and justifications for why we feel such a strong urge to save the relationship; because we love them so much and all that good stuff. And while that’s certainly true, there’s also something MUCH deeper going on behind the scenes. That’s why the urge you feel to try to get your ex back is so damn STRONG. See, it’s not just love that’s propelling you to save your relationship; there’s actually a biological response that’s triggered in your mind and a physiological response signaled to your body. That’s what’s causing the hyper-intense state of panic (and that’s why it feels so intense). You’re literally in an altered state of being. You have an incredibly powerful set of chemicals coursing through your body right now, causing you to enter a hyper-active state of panic and worry. Why am I sharing this with you? Is it because I like overwhelming your mind with a bunch of complicated psychological jargon? No, not at all. The reason I’m sharing this with you is because I want you to understand that the urge you feel to get your ex back is not just an urge you feel because you love them. Sure, that’s obviously part of it. However, I want you to realize that there’s a bunch of chemicals coursing throughout your body right now that are making you want to get them back at all costs. These chemicals are causing you to live in a state of panic and desperation. Okay, but why is this important for me to understand? Because you need to understand what’s actually happening in order to know how to handle yourself. You need to be able to recognize when that part of you is activated in order to get back in control of yourself. Why?

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Because once your amygdale is activated, you’re thrown into over-drive and you go completely unconscious. At that point, you’re basically just a puppet with puppet strings.. The puppet strings, in this case, are your emotions. They are pulling you in a hundred different directions all at once and that’s why you feel like you’re going crazy. I want you to take a moment to stop and realize that this is all very NORMAL. I know it feels like you’re going crazy but you’re actually not. The reason it feels so intense, like I said, is because this is a hard-wired response that’s been programmed into our minds throughout thousands and thousands of years of evolution. I won’t go into all the specific details of how it evolved here but just know that this reaction served a very specific survival purpose many, many years ago when we lived in small tribal communities. The thing you need to realize about this reaction is that although it was originally created to serve you, it no longer does. In fact, it actually hurts you and it usually does much more harm than good. Let me explain…. When you start freaking out and doing everything you could to convince your ex to take you back, it makes you seem NEEDY, DESPERATE and UNDESIRABLE (…which actually ends up pushing your ex away even further) And that’s the weird “counter-intuitive” thing that most of us never realize. We think that if we just prove to them how much we love them and explain how we can’t go on without them, they’ll understand how much we love them and feel sympathy for us and want to get back together. Yet, that almost NEVER works. In fact, it usually just pushes them away even more. Why? Once again, because it makes you seem needy and desperate.

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Just think back to a time when you walked into a store and a salesperson approached you right away, asking you what you needed. Then, before you could even respond, they immediately start showing you a bunch of stuff they got in stock and going on and on about how cool it is and how you need it. What was your initial reaction to their behavior? Probably something along the lines of “ahhh, get away from me!” What’s funny is that this reaction has nothing to do with what the salesperson said. What they said could have been the greatest thing in the world and the product itself could have been exactly what you needed. However, your natural instinct in that moment is to retreat and push away. WHY? Because you can sense that the other person is trying to “get” something from you. You can tell that they have some sort of agenda and it feels “icky.” Well, the same thing applies here. So please stop that right now! Got it? Good. This is obviously a lot easier said than done since you’re under a very powerful spell of emotions right now. Like I said earlier, all the stuff that’s going on behind the scenes is VERY real and it’s literally coursing through your entire body right now. In other words, there are physical things happening inside of you that are causing you to feel this way (which is why it’s so damn hard to get back in control of yourself) By the way, I want to give you one physical symptom of all these chemicals reactions just so you know that I’m not making all this stuff up. You know that feeling you get in your gut? That tight knot you get when you realize that you’re about to lose them forever? Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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That sick lonely feeling in the pit of your stomach? Yeah, that one. That’s one example of it. Just that one thing along is enough to compel you to do ANYTHING you can to get your ex back. Sometimes, it’s not necessarily even to get them back; it’s just to make that HORRIBLE feeling go away. Can you relate? I know I can. A lot of people go to really great lengths to avoid that feeling. Some people end up buying programs on how to get your ex back and they try to use a bunch of sneaky, manipulative tactics to get them back. Now, I’m not going to get too much into all that stuff here but here’s my take on it: If you need to get a program on how to get your ex back and use a bunch of sneaky manipulative “psychological tactics” … it’s probably not meant to be. Personally, I believe that love should just happen naturally. Of course, it doesn’t just last naturally. It takes A LOT of work to maintain a relationship and it requires you have to have a certain level of knowledge and skill. However, nothing about it should feel sneaky and manipulative. You really shouldn’t have to do that just to get someone to love you. If that’s the case, it’s not real love.

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Maintaining Your Dignity After a Break Up The goal of this section is to help you deal with the rejection the right way so that you can maintain your sense of dignity (not just for yourself but in your ex’s eyes as well) I can’t even begin to tell you how many people I’ve talked to that acted desperate and needy after the break up and did a whole bunch of crazy stuff that they now regret. Not only did it end up pushing their ex away even further, but it also tainted the image they had of them in their mind (which ended up ruining any chance they had of getting back together in the future). I’ve helped some people recover from this and rebuild a friendship afterwards. However, a lot of people never really did (not that you have to be friends with your ex or anything). In fact, it’s probably best to NOT be friends with your ex after a break up. I’ll talk about this a bit more in a later section though. For now, I just want to help you deal with rejection. The reason we take rejection so badly is because we’re social animals. We’ve evolved over the years in a social environment, where we had to get along and cooperate with others in order to survive. We still have to do that now but not nearly as much as before. Before, when we lived in a tribal society of only about 40 people, the approval of others was crucial to our survival. If someone didn’t approve of us, we could have been ostracized from the pack and left to survive on our own in the wilderness. And back then, the chances of survival under those conditions were next to nothing. In fact, it was practically impossible. Remember, we weren’t nearly as self-sufficient and independent as we are today. We desperately needed other people in order to survive. So when we were separated from the pack, we were basically as good as dead. So we developed a “rejection-avoidant” mechanism for this very reason. We learned that in order to best ensure our chances of survival, we had to minimize rejection and disapproval from our community. (NOTE: I’m grossly oversimplifying a very complex process that has evolved over thousands of years but I’m not trying to give you a history lesson here. I’m just trying to give you a quick overview of what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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How Rejection Affects Us Fast-forward to now and you can see this process in effect just about anywhere you go. Just think back to a social interaction where you had to meet and interact with a bunch of new people. It could be a meeting or networking event, or in class or even out at a bar. Think back to a time where you saw someone you really liked or found really attractive. Someone that you really wanted to meet and strike up a conversation… Did you actually go up and talk to them? Probably not. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Most people don’t. Why? Because we don’t want to make ourselves vulnerable. We don’t want to put ourselves out there and get turned down. We don’t want to get rejected. We don’t want to be embarrassed in front of others or end up feeling stupid. That’s why most of us never even bother to approach in the first place. Because we fear rejection. And while many of us may think that THAT rejection is bad… the rejection we feel from someone we love is actually 10 TIMES WORSE. See, we actually feel MUCH more hurt and rejected when we’re rejected by someone that we’re in a relationship with. Why? Because the first type of rejection I brought up is a very superficial kind of rejection. When you’re meeting someone new and they reject you, they’re usually just rejecting you based on some superficial thing – perhaps it was based on something you said or perhaps it was simply based on your appearance or some other superficial thing. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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However, when you get rejected by the person you love, by the person you’ve spent so much time with it, it STRIKES you right to your CORE. That’s why you feel that knot in the pit of your stomach. It’s because this person has known you intimately for several months and years and they probably know you inside out like no one ever has before. And after getting to know the real you, they’ve decided that they don’t want to be with long-term. That’s what really hurts us deep in our heart and soul. It’s hard NOT to take something like that very personally. And the fact that we take it so personally is actually part of the problem. In fact, it’s what causes the rejection to hurt so much. So what I want to help you do today is to separate the personal reaction from the rejection. That way, you don’t let it affect who you are, your sense of self, and your self-esteem. There’s a great quote by Gandhi that says: “Nobody can hurt me without my permission” See, rejection hurts and it’s always going to hurt. However, it doesn’t HAVE to hurt. In order to stop it from hurting, you need to understand why it hurts. The pain is actually a hard-wired response. In fact, studies have shown that when we get rejected by someone we love, it actually triggers the same part of our brain that feels PHYSICAL PAIN. Dr. Ethan Kross, a professor in psychology and his research team at the University of Michigan actually conducted a study where they separated people into 2 groups; one was a group people that just went through a break up and the other group was just a regular group of people. They hooked them up to a machine that monitored their brain activity and here’s what they did:

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They took the group of people that had recently gone through a break up and they showed them a picture of their ex. After that, they monitored the response in their brain. Then, they took the second group - the group of regular people – and they spilled a cup of hot coffee on their arm. And what they discovered is that the same part of the brain was activated in the group that saw a picture of their ex as the group who got burned with hot coffee. In other words, they found that the brain reacts to emotional rejection exactly the same way that it responds to physical pain. The results of this study offers new insight into the complexities of social rejection and how the experience can be both emotionally and physically debilitating. It’s clear that the psychological pain that results from a relationship break up affects our physical health. In fact, research has shown that grieving actually increases the risk of heart attacks. This is yet another indicator that reinforces all the stuff I was saying earlier. To put it simply, the pain you’re feeling right now is very real and it hurts. But that doesn’t mean that it has to KEEP hurting you. Although it’s perfectly normal to have this kind of reaction, you want to be able to take control of it so that it doesn’t keep hurting you. You want to separate your sense of self from the rejection in order to preserve your sanity. So, here is something that I recommend in order to help you do that: Don’t see the rejection as something that your ex is doing to you. It’s not like your ex woke up one day and was like: “Hey, I want to do this really mean and evil thing to him today…. or, I want to hurt her really, really bad and cause her a lot of pain. What can I do?” It wasn’t like that. They still love you (even though they may not be acting like it right now)

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I’ll talk about this more in section 2 and I’ll also explain why your ex is acting cold and distant right now. In the meantime, just realize that they do still care about you. They wouldn’t have been with you if they didn’t love or care about you to some degree. Now, whether it was true love or not is beyond the scope of this program. If you want to know if your ex really loved you and whether your relationship is really worth saving, I talk about it in much greater depth in my advanced course: Can Your Relationship Be Saved? I also include a special bonus with it called: The True Love Test – The 10 “Sure-Fire” Signs Your Ex Is The One For You

This test will help you figure out if this relationship is really worth saving (and it’ll also help you reinforce your decision to move on if you already have a feeling that that’s the best thing to do) If you haven’t gotten it yet, you can get it here: www.BreakthroughBreakupMethod.com

Remember That It Wasn’t Easy For Them To Leave You Either If they loved you or cared about you at all, then it wasn’t easy for them to leave you (although it may feel like it was based on their current behavior). However, the truth is that it’s never easy to leave the person you love (even when you know it’s the right thing to do). However, people do eventually leave when the relationship gets too painful to bear. Remember how I said that humans are creatures of habit and we generally do everything in our power to avoid change? Well, the same thing applies in your ex’s case too. No matter how unhappy they were with you, losing you still sucks. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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They’re losing a friend, a lover, and a companion. Not only is it painful to lose someone that close to you but it also requires a really HUGE change. And remember what I said about change? We don’t like it and we don’t tend to deal very well with it. So with that in mind, I can guarantee you that this wasn’t an easy decision for them. It’s likely that they’ve been thinking about it and mulling it over for a really long time. In fact, they probably knew that they wanted to break up with you a long time ago. They just kept putting it off longer and longer. Until something happened… Now, you might be wondering, “what happened?” To put it simply: The pain of being with you got worse than the pain of losing you. I’ll go into this in more depth in a later section but for now I just want you to begin to realize that this is something that your ex is doing for their own personal benefit (rather than as a negative thing to cause you pain) Therefore, you should do your best to NOT take it too personally or feel like they’re doing this in order to hurt you. It’s not an attack, it’s an act of self-preservation. Whatever you do, don’t start thinking that there’s something wrong with you or that you’re not good enough as you are. Sure, you’re not perfect and I’m sure there lots of things that you could’ve done differently. However, that doesn’t mean that you’re not perfectly lovable as you are. Like I said, there are probably many things that you can learn and improve (and we’ll explore these things a bit more in a later section). In fact, I actually created an entire course on how to learn from all the mistakes you made in your current relationship so that you don’t make them again in the future. It’s called: Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Why Your Ex Left & What it REALLY Takes to Make a Relationship Work. If you haven’t gotten it yet, you can get it here: => www.WhyYourExLeft.com For now though, I just want you to realize that you’re not flawed in any way. Just because your ex rejected you doesn’t mean that you are any less lovable…. you are still whole and complete. If you find yourself questioning that or worrying that you’ll never find someone else, it’s usually a sign of low self-esteem. Here’s a fundamental truth that I discovered in my private practice: “People with high self-esteem tend to cope with breakups and rejections A LOT more effectively. Why? Because people with high self-esteem know who they are and what they have to offer If one person doesn’t appreciate them, they know that someone else will. I want you to feel the same way. Remember: You’re not really losing a part of yourself (though I know it can often feel that way).

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Losing Yourself in Relationships See, when we’re in love, we have a tendency to attach our sense of self to our partner. We inter-mingle our lives so much that we often become really attached to the other person, which makes it really easy for us to lose our sense of self in the relationship. When this happens, losing your partner becomes a lot more than just losing the person you love. It also means losing a part of yourself. When you attach yourself to your partner and lose yourself in the relationship, losing them feels like you’re losing everything. It can affect you to the point where you feel like you can’t go on without them. Well, that would explain why you’re reacting in a fit of panic and desperately clinging to the relationship in any way you can. This is why it’s so important to stop and reflect on the situation before you just desperately try to get them back at all costs. You need to stop and ask yourself:

Why Do I Really Want Them Back?. If you want them back just to eliminate the suffering – in order to get rid of that feeling of loneliness and to avoid having your sense of “self” dismantled – then you’re not really wanting them back for the RIGHT reasons (or perhaps, not for very pure reasons). See, everyone wants to get their ex back. The question is: Do you want to get them back because you value the relationship or because you’re afraid of losing them and living your life without them? There’s a big difference.

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A lot of people that try to get back with their ex do it just to hold onto the relationship (even though, deep down, they know that the breakup is probably in their best interest). That’s what I did and that’s what so many of us do. Why? Because losing the person you love is freakin’ hard! (Even when the time has truly come) So what I want to do today is challenge you to think a little deeper about whether this relationship was really in your best interest. Were you really happy in this relationship or are you just really comfortable and familiar with this person and afraid of starting over? Are you trying to get them back just to feel desirable again or do you really want to have them back in their life and rebuild an entirely new relationship with them? So ask yourself: why do I really want them back in the first place?

Because I Love Them!!! This is the most common reason people have for getting back together. They say things like “But I love them so much! I can’t imagine my life without them!” Okay, well, everyone loves the person they’re with… If you didn’t love them, you probably wouldn’t be with them (at least in most cases). However, if you’re hurting over it this bad, then you obviously did love them and you did care about them very deeply. And while love is all great and special… “Love is not enough to actually make a relationship WORK.” Sure, it’s enough to spark all those great romantic feelings that you had in the beginning but it takes A LOT more than love to actually make a relationship work.

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With that said, I want to encourage you to explore the REAL reasons for why you want them back. Don’t just react on autopilot and try everything you can to get them back out of desperation. It’s not going to work. Plus, it may not even be in your best interest to get them back. I know that’s not what you want to hear and you may not be quite ready to even hear that yet but that’s often the case. We’ll talk about it more in some of the other videos - but for now - I just want you to realize that you are not any less lovable without this person. Remember, you are not really losing any part of yourself (or at least not any part of your true self) The real you cannot be taken from you.

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Love Cannot Be Taken From You Another thing that a lot of people really stress out about is the idea of losing love (or losing the person they love). Here’s what I have to say that (pardon me while I get metaphysical) This person did NOT actually GIVE YOU LOVE Sure, you may have felt loved in the relationship and they may have shown their love to you in a lot of different ways that made you feel valued or appreciated. However, the feelings of love that you felt in the relationship were YOUR FEELINGS. Those feelings were coming out from within you (and they are still inside of your body right now) So this person didn’t actually GIVE you LOVE… they simply inspired you to give yourself the permission to feel YOUR OWN LOVE in their presence. And here’s the kicker… You can give yourself permission to feel that love again with other people that happen to strike your interest. I know you don’t want to think about that right now but love is a resource that is very abundant on this planet. You CAN love again. And you WILL love again. Hell, you can even love if you never end up finding anyone that’ll ever love you again. How? By simply loving yourself!

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The Most Important And Most Valuable Love In The World is Self-Love You cannot truly love someone who does not love themselves. In fact, trying to love someone who doesn’t love themselves is like trying to hug broken glass. You’ll only end up hurting yourself more in the process. If you don’t love yourself, all the love you get from others is going straight into a bucket with a bunch of empty holes at the bottom. All that love is eventually just going to end up leaking out because no amount of love is ever enough to fill a bucket for someone who doesn’t love themselves. You are the only one that can ever fill it. However, when your bucket is already FULL and someone pours love in, you overflow with even more love and appreciation. And THAT’S the place that you really want to be. If you don’t love yourself, every act of love you give is infused with impurity It becomes a sneaky way of giving just to get something back. In other words, you do it in order to get something that you think you need in order to fill something within you (which it never really will). You are the only one that can ever fill that. You can never fill that part of you with the love of another (at least not if you want to enjoy a life of sanity and drama-free relationships) The only thing that you can ever really fill that with is your own self-love. If this material resonates with you, I encourage you to embark on a journey of self-love. Do whatever it takes to build yourself up and give yourself the approval that you so desperately crave from others.

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If you don’t give yourself that approval, you’ll constantly be a slave to other people’s opinion of you. Liberate yourself from the quest for other people’s approval and give yourself the approval you’ve been yearning for. It’s the only approval that will ever truly satisfy you. By the way, I talk a lot more about how to actually do this in my other program: The Fresh Start: How to Bounce Back from a Breakup, Regain Your Joy In Life and Become a Stronger & Better You If you want more details on how to sign up for this program, just send me an email at [email protected] Anyways, I just wanted to share that as another key distinction for you to keep in mind on your journey to recovery. Remember that what you felt in the relationship was your own love and you can feel that love again in the future. Hopefully, that’ll help you deal with that devastating feeling you get when it feels like you’re losing everything and you’ll never be able to feel the same way about anyone ever again. What I’d like to do now is actually take all the ideas that I just shared with you today step further and give you a specific exercise that you can apply in your own life. That way you have something that you can actually DO to feel better. I know I shared a lot of great concepts here and I know a lot of them are probably making a lot of sense to you. You may have even had some really profound “aha” moments. However, I want to do more than just that for you. I want to give you something that you can actually do to cope with the loss and become more at peace with yourself. Something you can do to rebuild your self-esteem and your self-love so that you aren’t totally devastated by the break up. To help you do that, I want to share a really, really powerful technique that I talked a lot about in the video that you saw right before you bought this course. It’s something that I recommend to every single one of my private clients as well and I actually guide them through this process during some of our sessions. The process I’m referring to here is a powerful technique called EFT, which stands for The Emotional Freedom Technique. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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The Emotional Freedom Technique This is an extremely powerful technique that can help you deal with various emotions, such as traumas, fears and anxieties. Note: this technique is not meant to be a replacement for traditional forms of therapy. You are more than welcome to use it to assist you in your recovery process. However, I am not saying that this will be the thing to “fix” things for you. It has helped me and many of my clients tremendously. In fact, it’s been one of the most powerful tools I’ve ever discovered. However, I cannot guarantee anything and I cannot be held accountable for anything that happens as a result of using this technique. Okay, now that we got that part out of the way, let’s go ahead and dive into the actual technique… There’s two components to EFT; one is physical and one is verbal. I’m going to go over the verbal component of this technique here and then I’m going to link you to another video that shows you the physical part of it afterwards. Deal? (PS: the video I’m going to share with you is a really great way to learn the technique because it actually gives you a close-up look at how to do it and shows you exactly what to do every step of the way. I’ll post it for you at the end of this section). So here’s what the verbal part of this technique is all about… It’s about SELF-ACCEPTANCE More specifically, accepting yourself in spite of whatever you may be feeling right now. This is what will ultimately help you cope with it (both the rejection and any other thing that you may apply this technique to in the future) It’s really interesting because the philosophy behind this technique actually runs parallel to the idea that I expressed a little bit earlier in that quote I shared with you by Gandhi: “Nobody can hurt me without my permission” Well, what this technique does is it actually gives you a way to accept yourself. Once you do, a lot of the hurt will dissolve.

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And that’s the mind-boggling thing about it all… No one is FORCING you to feel hurt right now. You simply feel that way because you got rejected. And because of that, you’re getting all down on yourself. However, no one can make you feel down about yourself without your permission. In other words, you’re the one that’s letting yourself get down all about it. Kind of a bittersweet truth, right? Don’t worry, this technique will help you stop beating yourself up about it. See, it’s actually NORMAL to get down about it. What this technique does, essentially, is it helps you accept yourself so that you don’t continue to STAY down about it. It helps you embrace, both yourself and your reaction, to whatever is happening. And once you do, you’ll finally feel at peace with yourself. So here’s how you do the verbal component of the technique… You do it by simply saying ONE simple little statement out loud. “Even though I feel _______, I deeply and completely accept myself” The blank should be filled in with whatever you are feeling right now. This allows you to embrace what you’re feeling so that you can actually work with it, rather than getting consumed by it. Feel free to use this technique spontaneously and voice whatever is coming up for you as you’re feeling it. Really tune into what’s coming up for you and give yourself the opportunity to not only be with that, but to voice it out loud and make it okay for you to be with that.

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The Emotional Freedom Technique Examples Here’s a couple different ways that you can actually do this… “Even though I feel hurt and rejected, I deeply and completely accept myself” “Even though I feel completely devastated right now, I deeply and completely accept myself” “Even though I feel depressed about losing the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I deeply and completely accept myself”

There are hundreds of other spinoffs that you can use with this technique but those are just a few examples that illustrate how it works. You can start with these if you find it difficult to actually tune into your feelings. However, the most profound moments of healing will come when you’re actually able to pinpoint something that’s been lurking around inside of you. When you bring it to the surface and welcome it, you’ll transform all the energy you have twisted up around it. Remember: you need to feel it in order to heal it. So bring up whatever’s bothering you and give yourself the permission to just let it be. If you welcome your feelings and allow them to be, you’ll notice an incredible wave of peace wash over you. But even more importantly, you’ll notice a deep well of inner peace within you. (PS: this technique is 10x more powerful if you say that sentence outloud while looking at yourself in the mirror. This is not part of the actual technique, it’s just a little modification that I’ve adopted and found incredibly helpful in my own life. In fact, I’ve had some of the most profound moments of peace when I was actually able to see myself in the mirror as I was saying this outloud. I’d really, really recommend it.) The more you use this technique, and the more you accept yourself and all your feelings, the easier it’ll be for you to cope with the loss. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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The Emotional Freedom Technique Resources Here are two great resources with more information about EFT 1) Complete Overview of The Emotional Freedom Technique => http://eft.mercola.com/ 2) Step-by-Step Video Walkthrough of The Emotional Freedom Technique => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWu3rSEddZI In this section, I taught you the verbal component to this technique. There’s also a physical component to it and it’s demonstrated very well in this video. The physical component of the technique involves tapping certain points on your body as you say the “sentence of acceptance” outloud (these points run along your meridians, which control the energy flow in your body). So here’s how it works… 1) You bring up what you’re feeling by saying that statement outloud 2) Then, you use the tapping technique to release them This technique is based on a very simple principle: Emotions are simply energy in emotion. All you have to do is give them the space to process. Once you give your emotions the space to “flow” – they’ll just naturally work themselves out on their own. Unfortunately, most people suppress their emotions and never give them the space to process. They just keep them bottled up inside and they continue to eat away at their life

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This technique will show you how to work through them and release them so that you can finally get through this and get the peace of mind you deserve. I taught you the verbal part of the technique, as well as the philosophy behind it. The video I linked you to will explain it in greater depth and it’ll also show you exactly how to do it, step-by-step. So go ahead and watch it and then apply this technique to your situation. It’s a great way of dealing with all the pain you’re feeling (and it’s a lot more constructive than freaking out, acting desperate, or complaining about life). Trust me, I’ve been there and I get why you might feel tempted to do that. However, I’m trying to show you a better way here so please welcome my help and use it It’s helped me and thousands of other people and I know that it will help you too. PS: if you’re having a hard time dealing with something that happened in your relationship and you want my personal advice on YOUR situation, I’d be happy to help you. Read below to learn how to contact me.

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There’s No “Magic Pill” – Except THIS… There’s really no way around a broken heart. It hurts and there’s no magic pill you can take to make it all stop. However, what you can do is allow the pain to be so that it’ll pass quicker. In order to do this though, you have to remember one thing:

You have to work with the tide, not against it. This is the “secret” to getting through it. So whatever you do, don’t judge yourself for feeling what you’re feeling right now. You’re not weak, stupid or crazy for feeling how you’re feeling. It’s normal. What’s not normal is to NOT feel them. If you didn’t feel anything, that would mean one of two things 1) Either you’re completely numb 2) Or you’re a total sociopath So don’t beat yourself up for feeling hurt, just allow it to be. If you simply sit with it and allow it to be, it will pass. If you try to stuff it down or resist it, you’ll only make things worse. There’s a great quote by a famous psychologist named Carl Jung that says:

“What you resist, persists” Kind of ironic, huh? It’s really counter-intuitive. Once you stop resisting your emotions and just allow them to be, the charge will just naturally disappear on its own.

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Once all the resistance and self-judgment melts away, you will simply sit in a space of self-acceptance. This will bring you a profound sense of inner peace. And that’s really the goal, right? To be at peace with yourself no matter what happens. To be okay even if it doesn’t work out. To be happy with or without your ex. Well, this technique is the tool that will help you do that. It’s helped me tremendously in my own life and I’ve also used it to help thousands of people from all around the world. I’m confident that if you use it, it will help you too. If you learn how to accept yourself no matter what happens, you’ll become much stronger and much more resilient in life. You won’t be slowed down by various forms of self-sabotage, whether that’s selfjudgment or feelings of hopelessness. You’ll also be able to silence the inner critic and just accept reality for what it is. This will make you better equipped to deal with any challenges that may arise. So go ahead and use this technique as a stepping stone to becoming your greatest self. Allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling right now and let it be okay. You just got rejected and it hurts. It’s natural to take it personally and get all down on yourself. But rather than letting it take over you and overpower you, combat it with self-acceptance. Give yourself self-love and approval. You have to nurture yourself in a time of weakness. I know this may sound a little weird or “touchy-feely” to some people but I urge you to NOT just brush this off. Don’t just go “oh, that’s silly” or “oh, that’s too gimmicky” – just put that stuff aside for now and use it. I promise that if you do, you’ll FEEL the impact first hand. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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That’s why I shared this particular technique with you in the very first section of the program. Trust me, I could have shared a hundred other things that I’ve learned throughout the years - and yet - out of all the things I could have shared, I chose this one. Why? Because this technique is single-handedly the most powerful tool for dealing with all the pain after the break up. I put it in the very beginning of the course so that you can use it right away. After all, that’s why you got this course in the first place, right? You got it because you wanted some kind of relief. You wanted a way to deal with the pain and make it go away. Well, here it is. I am giving you a proven way to heal yourself.

The best way to combat rejection is through self-acceptance. Too often, we reject ourselves based on someone else’s opinion of us and we suffer because of it. Don’t belittle yourself for letting it affect you. Don’t judge yourself for being weak enough to let other people’s opinion affect you, just accept that it DID affect you (and that’s okay). Sure, it’d be nice if you were beyond that but most of us aren’t (at least not initially). And that’s okay… you’ll be able to use this experience as a way to grow beyond that. But you needed to face this experience in order for that to happen… so embrace it. Give yourself the space to actually feel what’s going on for you, rather than trying to block it out. I know it sucks, which is probably why you’re just trying to block it out in the first place; however, if you resist it, it’s only going to get worse. So go ahead and use this technique to heal yourself in whatever you way feel most comfortable. If you feel goofy doing it in front of the mirror – that’s cool – don’t do it in front of the mirror. I just personally find it really powerful to actually be able to look at myself in the eye as I’m doing it.

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Doing this process really helps me reconnect to my true self, the part of me that lies deep within that’s much bigger and much more powerful than all the fleeting, temporary life circumstances. That same great self dwells within you as well… it dwells within ALL of us. And if you can tap into that, you can connect to something bigger that will give you the power to get through this. Note: when I say something bigger, I don’t necessarily mean God or some sort of higher power (though you’re more than welcome to try to tap into that as well). However, if you’re not religious at all or if you’re spiritual but not religious, I want you to envision yourself tapping into your highest self as you look into the mirror. Look deep within your eyes and tap into your greatest, most resilient and authentic version of yourself. Envision you at your highest potential. That part that you really see yourself when you’re all by yourself. That part that you’ve always believed you can be. Tap into that part of you right now and rely on that to get you through this. It can and it will. It may be hard to see that right now but it’s part of the growing process. You literally have to grow into that version of yourself. You have to step into it - and once you do - it’ll get you through. As you can probably tell, this is about A LOT more than just getting over a break up. This is about helping you awaken to your own greatness. It’s about helping you tap back into your own power so that you can not only survive the breakup, but also thrive through life. If you really embrace this as an opportunity to do that – as an opportunity to learn, grow and become a better person – your life will transform beyond your wildest imagination. That’s what happened to me and that’s what happened to hundreds of people that I’ve worked with one-on-one. And it all starts with making ONE simple decision: It starts by accepting this experience as a “wake-up” call.

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The Break Up “Wake Up” Once I had this change in perspective, my whole life started to change. I suddenly embraced the hand I was dealt and began taking the steps I had to take in order to get myself out of the emotional turmoil that I was in. Within just a few short months, I went from depressed and miserable to incredibly blissful. Before my days were filled with stress, anxiety and discontent and now they are filled with peace, joy and fulfillment. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t easy to make these changes and it took a lot of work for me to truly transform myself. However, it all started with ONE simple choice… The choice to take FULL RESPONSIBILITY for everything in my life. I know that’s not particularly easy or sexy but that’s where it all starts. It all starts with you Right now, you have the same opportunity I had. You have the opportunity to embrace what happened and use it to transform your life for the better. In this moment, you have the power to back control of your life and become the person you deserve to be. If you do this, you’ll eventually look back on this event and see it as a blessing. After a few months passed, I realized that my ex actually did both of us a favor by leaving.

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Not only did she free us both from a toxic relationship that wasn’t really making either of us happy but she also gave me exactly what I needed to “wake up” and turn my life around. Prior to that, I just sort of drifted through life and took whatever came to me. If I didn’t get what I wanted, I’d always find some sort of excuse for why things didn’t work out. I would just play the “victim” role and complain about bad things always seem to happen to me. It wasn’t until I was faced with the excruciating pain of heartbreak that I made the decision to take full responsibility for my life and where I choose to go from here. But once I did, my life changed forever. I became much more positive and proactive in life. I learned the power of making a decision and carrying it through until it’s finished, no matter how difficult it got or what I encountered along the way. I learned to persist in the face of adversity. Pain didn’t have the power to stop me. Temporary setbacks didn’t have the power to knock me off course. I was determined. Through this experience, I became much stronger and much more resilient. I’ve also learned to be a lot more patient and compassionate with myself. I’ve become much more “in-tune” with my feelings and how things affect me. This gave me the confidence to go after what I wanted, knowing that I could deal with whatever would come up along the way. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Ever since then I’ve been unstoppable. I’ve written books, I’ve launched 4 different businesses that did over $100,000 dollars in sales, and I’ve traveled all around the world. I’ve done tons of other amazing stuff too but that’s not really the point here. The point here is that I didn’t actually give myself the permission to do any of this stuff until I developed this level of self-confidence. But once I did, I finally gave myself the permission to pursue my dreams and do what makes me happy. And now I can’t help but look back at all the years I wasted. I wasted so many years as a passive observer, living a life of mediocrity. I had a “victim mentality” and I would always complain about how life sucked. I had a sad sob story of how things never seemed to work out for me, how life was unfair and how things were way too hard. This way of living prevented me from making any kind of change in my life. And when I actually did try to change something and it didn’t work out or I just didn’t see immediate results, I would just use that to sabotage myself even more, further reinforcing how hopeless it is for me to even try to do anything about my situation. It was literally a downward spiral. However, this was how I lived all my life so I thought that’s just how things were. I didn’t realize how self-defeating this actually was until after the break up. So although I didn’t fully realize it at the time, I was actually given a great gift the day my heart was broken. I was given the opportunity to re-create my life. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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A New Beginning “We all have flashes of awareness in which we realize that who we are in all our smallness has to break apart in order for a new self to emerge….I’ve learned that it is only when we are willing to give up the fragile hold we have on our illusions and come apart that we can begin to see the truth, surrender, and begin anew.” - Baron Baptiste I want you to imagine your heart breaking open as a necessary part of opening yourself up to something greater. Imagine your heart expanding in order to embrace everything your life was meant to be. As I look back on what happened, I realize that my heart was breaking open for a reason. I had a tremendous life-force in me that could no longer be contained. The breaking HAD to happen in order for my heart to expand and contain the extraordinary fullness that is flowing into my life every single day. I am much more positive and optimistic. I am also much more mature and self-aware. But even more importantly, I am stronger than ever now. The day my ex left was the day I discovered a strength within myself that I never knew existed.

You never really know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have Much like you, I was left with no choice but to find a way to survive. Through this process, I found the strength within myself to get through it. I wish I could say it was easy… but it wasn’t. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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It took a lot of conscious effort to continuously make the right choices in each moment. However, it made me a better person at the end of the day. In fact, I’m actually really glad my heart broke open that day because it’s revealed so much to me about life. Through the process of having my heart broken, my life opened to me. And with gratitude, I am now open to life. I know it’s hard to understand why everything is happening right now, let alone be grateful for it. However, I want to invite you to explore how this situation may actually be in your favor. Put aside all the panic and desperation for a minute and silence the urge to try to get them back at all costs. Now, step back and think rationally about things for a second…. Do you really want them back? Is it actually in your best interest to get back together or are you just afraid of losing them and being all alone? BIG difference. I’ll talk more on that in a later section… For now, I just want to leave you with one closing thought about gratitude: “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie

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I know it may not feel like there’s all that much to be grateful for right now because you just lost one of the most important people in your life. However, it's important to stop and acknowledge all the amazing things in your life that you DO still have. Here’s a really humbling thought… There are people out there who are happy with less than what you have Kind of puts things in perspective, huh? How about thinking of THAT the next time you find yourself wallowing in self-pity? The lesson that I want you to take away from this is that HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE I know it's easy to get trapped in a spiral of doom and gloom after a break up but you need to make a conscious effort to take note all the amazing things in your life that you have to be grateful for. As much as it may feel like it right now, your life is NOT over. There are still tons of amazing things to look forward to... IF you make the choice to do so. So today, I challenge you to find appreciation for something that you may normally take for granted. It may feel a little "unnatural" at first but it'll really help. In fact, it has now been scientifically proven that expressing gratitude every day can make you 25% happier. Not only that, but it's been shown to actually change your body chemistry and give you a much more peaceful state of mind. This research is from a new and emerging field called positive psychology, which focuses on studying what makes people happy and how we can use that to improve our lives, rather than studying depressed people and trying to figure out "what's wrong" or "what to fix" So many of my coaching clients have come to me for help after seeing various therapists and psychologists for months (and sometimes even YEARS).

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Many of them come to me with this idea that there’s something wrong with them. Like they’re somehow broken. Some of them were even prescribed various forms of medication and antidepressants to help them cope with their “anxiety” and “depression” Yet, a lot of them came to me feeling just as frustrated and confused as they were when the relationship first ended. That's because there's no way to medicate the pain away. I know at times you probably wish there was a "magic pill" that you can take to make it all go away but there's not. Honestly, this course is the closest thing to a magic pill I’ve ever seen. If you simply follow along and apply all the things I shared with you, I promise it will help you. And if you’re ever having a hard time, I want you know that I’d be happy to help you. Just read below to learn how to reach me:

Want My Personal Advice on Your Situation? If you want more in-depth advice based on your specific situation, just call my office at (312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected] After you reach out to us, my assistant will get back to you to schedule a time for us to talk. Once we get on the phone for our session, I’ll help you see through all the confusion and figure out what you should do. Disclaimer: due to the overwhelming amount of requests I get, I cannot personally talk to everyone that wants my advice. However, we always get back to people within 24-48 hours so go ahead and reach out to us and my assistant will let you know what times I have available. I’m usually pretty booked up but even if I’m totally booked for the week, they should still be able to get you in very soon. Just call us at (312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected]

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Section 2:

Why Your Ex is Acting Cold & Distant (And How to Get Them To Open Up) In this section, I want to address something that’s probably driving you crazy right now: How cold and distant your ex is being… They were totally in love with you before, everything was great and now they barely even give you the time of day. It’s probably driving you crazy and making you wonder: “How can they do this?” “How could they be so cold and distant and act like I don’t even matter to them?” In this section, I want to address some of the underlying reasons for their behavior so you can finally understand what’s really going on. Once you understand what’s going on “behind the scenes” – you’ll finally be able to stop driving yourself nuts, wondering why they’re acting this way. The truth is, you’ll probably still be bothered by it even after you learn this. However, it’ll bother you a lot less once you finally understand this. So here’s the short explanation: The reason they’re acting so cold and distant right now is because they’re A LOT more over you than you think.

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Your Ex is A LOT More Over You Than You Think You might think that this all just happened very suddenly; however, your ex has already been thinking about leaving you for quite some time. It’s not like they just woke up one day and were like: “hmm, this relationship isn’t really doing it for me.” “I really love this person and all but I think I’m just going to go ahead and end it.”

Not at all. In fact, here’s what I discovered after talking to a lot of people on both sides of the breakup, both the person doing the dumping and the “dumpee” Most people plan to break up with someone for weeks, months, and sometimes years before they actually leave them. From time to time, I’ll ask people the following question: “How long did you know you wanted to end it before you actually ended it?” The amount of time varies in each case, though the most common answer I get is usually a couple of months. See, it’s never easy to end a relationship. (If you’ve ever been the one to end a relationship in the past then you already know this) My point here is this: It’s never easy to leave someone you love I know right now it may seem like it’s really easy for them to do it based on their current behavior. However, you have to realize that their current behavior is a reflection of weeks, months, and sometimes YEARS of unhappiness. It wasn’t this easy for them to do when they first got the idea. That’s why they wrestled with it for so long before they finally did it. The only reason it seems so easy for them to walk away right now is because they’ve actually been EMOTIONALLY DISTANCING themselves from you during all that time. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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In other words, they’ve been pulling away from you in order to make it easier for them to leave the relationship. As you can imagine, it’d be really hard to leave someone you’re still madly in love with. No one ever leaves someone thinking, “oh my god, they are such an amazing person!!! I don’t know if I’ll ever be find someone as good as them again!” If that was the case, they probably wouldn’t be leaving them in the first place… If your partner still saw you in such a positive light, they wouldn’t be walking out of your life right now. So why are they doing it? It’s because something happened to cause them see you in a negative light It may have just been a thing or two at first. Perhaps it just led to a fight or an argument in the beginning. You guys got through it. No big deal. However, as more and more issues came up (or as the same issue surfaced again and again), it began to have a devastating effect on the relationship. And over time, it even began to affect the way that they saw you as a person. So while it may have just been a “little thing” at first, over time it progressed into a really big thing (kind of like a snowball effect) And now you’re left trying to figure out what that little thing is, probing your partner for the reason they’ve been acting so different lately. And yet, they don’t even know how to explain it to you because it’s now progressed way beyond that little thing that started it all. It’s now a full-blown snowball, with a collection of fights, arguments and reasons that have built up over time. And now all these things are stored away, brewing with disappointment and resentment. That’s why they’re acting so cold to you. It’s because they’re in an entirely different emotional state right now. And that emotional state is what’s causing them to want to leave you. Here’s a universal truth about break ups: People break up because of emotions. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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No matter what reason your ex gave you for leaving (if they even gave you any reason at all), I guarantee that it wasn’t the real reason. And even if it was the real reason, that reason is only one tiny sliver of the full story. And I can guarantee that they evaluated the whole story before breaking up with you. No one just wakes up and decides to leave the person they love in the spur of the moment. It takes A LOT more than that to actually leave someone. So what does it take to actually get someone to leave?

Why Do People Break Up? There are a lot of different things that can make someone leave a relationship (far more than I can even begin to describe in this one section) If you want to learn more about why your ex decided to break up with you, I recommend getting my advanced course on Why Your Ex Left. In this course, I explore the 10 most common reasons that cause people to break up (and what you can learn from it). The goal of this course is to help you learn what went wrong in your relationship so that you actually have a chance of rebuilding it. Or, if you don’t want to rebuild it, you can use this knowledge to make sure that you don’t make the same mistakes in the future. You can download the course here => www.WhyYourExLeft.com

Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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The Reason Behind Every Single Break Up… Although there’s a wide variety of reasons that caused you and your ex to break up, there’s ONE core universal reason that made them break up with you. This core reason is at the heart of every break up (no matter what the surface level reasons may be). Your ex left because the pain of being with you became greater than the pain of losing you. Pretty insightful stuff, huh? Like I said in section 1, as humans, we HATE change. In fact, we try to avoid it at all costs. It’s painful, it’s uncomfortable and it’s unfamiliar. So if someone reached a point to where they were actually willing to endure the pain of changing, it means that they reached a point in their life where the pain of staying where they were became worse than the pain of changing. Make sense? See, what happened was that your ex was unhappy in the relationship for so long that it finally drove them to do something about it. The first few times they brushed it off, they ignored, etc. However, after a certain period of time they reached what I call “The Pain Point” This is the point in which staying is more painful than changing. When they reach that point, they cross what I call “The Transformational Threshold” This is when they’re actually driven to make a change in their life. In this case, that change involves breaking up with you. PS: if you’re the one that did the dumping then this should explain the process you went through prior to actually breaking up with your partner. You may be tempted to second-guess your decision at times because now you’re going through the actual pain of changing and living your life without them. However, it’s important that you stick through this period of discomfort and get to the other side. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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A lot of people start having “leavers remorse” and start wondering if they made the right choice. In order to counteract this urge, you have to remember why you made the decision to end the relationship in the first place. If you don’t do this, you run the risk of giving in to your ex in your moments of weakness and compromising on what you believe to be the right thing to do. Back to the dumpee… As you can see, your ex went through a rough process before finally ending the relationship. Sure, it may not seem as rough to them right now as it does for you but that’s because they’ve had a chance to process this stuff over an extended period of time (while this probably hit you all at once). However, you have to realize that this break up isn’t just happening all at once, totally out of the blue. Your ex has been unhappy in the relationship for quite some time (whether you’ve been able to pick up on it or not is a totally different story). Regardless of whether you did or not, your ex is now at a point where they lost hope of things ever changing. If they didn’t lose hope, then they’d still be with you. In fact, you guys would probably be working on your relationship together right now (rather than being separated and grieving the loss) Now, if they are still with you, then it’s even more crucial for you to get some help to turn things around before it’s too late. Please call my office immediately and ask my assistant to set up a “Relationship Rescue” session with me. On this call, I’ll do my best to help you save the relationship while you still can. You can still call and ask to book this session even if you guys already broke up, though the relationship might already be beyond repair at this point. If you want to know more about whether you can still save your relationship, check out my advanced course for the 10 “tell-tale” signs that your relationship can still be saved. If you’re interested in learning more about this course, send us an email for more details at [email protected] Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

The REAL Reason Your Ex is Acting Cold & Distant When I talked to people in my private practice, I discovered that some of them actually confronted their ex to see why they’re suddenly acting that way. They probed them and started asking them questions like: “Why are you being this way?” “Why can’t you just talk to me normally?” Most of the time, their ex didn’t even respond to them or give them any real reason for their behavior. However, in some cases, their ex said “it’s just easier that way” Interesting… This basically confirms exactly what I was saying earlier: It’s easier for your ex to cope with the break up when they don’t allow themselves to get emotional again If they allow themselves to get emotional again, it would make them vulnerable. And since they’ve been thinking about ending the relationship for quite some time, they don’t want to open themselves up to you and risk being swayed or influenced by their emotions. So instead, they’ve decided to just shut themselves off from you completely in order to make it easier on them. Here’s what you need to take away from it all… You need to realize that they are not doing this to hurt you… they’re doing it in order to make it easier for them to cope with it. This is something that I believe to be a universal truth in life: People aren’t trying to hurt you, they’re just trying to save themselves If you actually dig deeper and look beyond the surface in any situation where you feel wronged or hurt, you will likely find this to be true. Try to keep this in mind so that you don’t drive yourself nuts. Your ex may not act any differently as a result of this but it’ll give you some clarity on what’s really going on so that you don’t keep obsessing about it. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

What We Do When Our Partner Leaves… When our partner tries to leave, we usually “hound” them for a reason. We try to understand why they’re leaving. The reason that so many of us do this is because we think that if we can just get a “reason” out of them then we can convince them to stay. But like I said earlier, this rarely ever works because their decision to leave you is an EMOTIONAL decision (not a logical one). This is really hard for us to grasp (especially for guys) But here’s the thing… They didn’t break up with you for just ONE specific reason… but rather a collection of reasons that caused a change in EMOTION. And once that change in emotion happens, it’s usually really hard to do anything else. Yet, most people don’t really realize this… They continue to probe their partner for some kind of “answer” as to why they ended it. “Why are you doing this!?!? What happened!?!? Let’s talk it out.” Unfortunately, the way most people go about this is totally WRONG. They don’t know the right approach to use to actually get their partner to open up. They don’t know how to communicate effectively. They don’t know how to handle conflict. If they did, they wouldn’t be on the brink of a break up to begin with. Rebuilding a broken relationship is a hard enough feat as it is. However, it’s next to impossible when neither partner has the skills to make it work. And even when one person has the skills to make it work, it’s still not enough. The truth is that it takes two people to make a relationship work.

Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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The main thing I’m trying to communicate here is that even if they were open to talking to you right now, the chances of you convincing them to take you back are not very high. Why? Because, like I said, they didn’t just break up with you for ONE particular reason. It’s usually a collection of reasons… But even more importantly, it’s a collection of EMOTIONS and EXPERIENCES These are the things that caused them to distance themselves from you EMOTIONALLY. In other words, they FEEL differently towards you right now That’s why anything you try to say LOGICALLY won’t work. Why? Because you are literally speaking to them in a different language. You are speaking to them with LOGIC… while the issue here is EMOTIONAL If you want ANY chance of rebuilding a relationship with them, you have to change the way they feel about you. (And you’re not going to do that by arguing with them or using logic) The truth is: it’s very hard to actually change someone’s feelings towards you… especially when there’s a lot of built up resentment) It takes two willing people to make it work. If you want to learn if there’s still a chance of getting back with your ex or rebuilding a relationship with them, send us an email for more details about my advanced course [email protected] In this course, I’m going to help you figure out if you should try to get back with your ex or move on. The reason it’s so important for you to figure this out is so that you can finally get some sort of answer or closure. Without it, you’ll just end up being stuck in the “uncertainty cycle” forever, torn being moving on and getting back together.

Hell, you may even waste weeks, months, and sometimes YEARS of your life waiting around on someone that really had no intention of ever getting back together with you. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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This course will help you make sense of their behavior and see through any mixed-signals they may be giving you. I’ll show you exactly what to look for to figure out if they still want to be with you. After doing this for years, I discovered that there’s actually 2 “tell-tale” signs to look for that are a dead give-away. Once you learn what these are, it’ll all make sense to you. I’ll also give you the critical signs that you need to pay attention to so that you don’t end up wasting your time with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. Most people are totally naïve to these signs. In fact, they usually just end up brushing them off completely because the truth isn’t pretty. However, I’m not concerned with saying what’s pretty, I’m only considered with giving you the truth. And that’s exactly what I’m going to give you in this course. Warning: this is NOT for the faint of heart. This is only for the people who actually value themselves enough to finally get this thing figured out. If you’re okay with living in a state of constant confusion, reading into every little thing they do, wondering if there’s still a chance – this is not for you. This is only for people who want to know the truth. If you’re interested in learning more about this course, send us an email for more details at [email protected]

Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

How To Get Them To Open Up Alright, so as promised, I’m going to tell you exactly what to do to get your ex to open up I know, I know… the thing you’ve been dying to get to ever since buying this course. The reason I didn’t share this with you right away is because I wanted to lay the groundwork first and get you to brace yourself for this both mentally and emotionally. You needed to get back in touch with your true self first; the part of you that is bigger than whatever situation you’re in right now. Next, you needed to understand where your ex is at right now. You needed to understand where they’re coming from (and why they’re acting that way). Now that you have a better grasp of these two things, you’re better prepared to take on the task at hand. Before you say a single word to them, you have to make sure that you’re not coming across as needy and desperate. Neediness is not attractive and any kind of “attachment” will actually push them away. So get a grip on yourself and regain your composure before you do anything You need to center yourself and get back to a place of wholeness within yourself first. Remember, you would be okay with or without them if it really came down to it. By the way, this is all based on “The Attachment Principle” that I discovered. I covered this in the very first video you saw when you bought this course. In case you forgot it, it goes like this: “In every relationship, the person who cares least always has the most power.”

PS: if you’d like to watch that video again, you can see it here: www.BreakupRelief.com However, the point of me sharing this with you isn’t to tell you that you need to stop loving or caring about them. Not at all.

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I shared this with you in order to illustrate the power dynamic that runs behind the scenes in EVERY relationship. I just want you to be aware of this principle so you don’t come across as desperate and needy. That’s all. So whatever you do, don’t start begging or pleading for another chance. Also, don’t hound them. Don’t try to pressure them to give you a reason and don’t try to give them any kind of ultimatums of your own. Stop trying to control the situation. Just pull back for now and get a grip of yourself. Love yourself and get to a place where you’d be okay with or without them. If you’re not in that space, do NOT talk to your ex. You’ll only make it worse. Once you’re in that state, here’s what you do: Agree with their decision to break up. Just agree with the breakup for now and let them know that while you really value what you two shared together, you need some time for yourself to really reflect on things and see if this is something that you really want for your future. By framing it this way, you are coming from a place of power (rather than a place of desperation). While this may seem like a very simple statement, it’s actually sub-communicating a lot of very important things. It’s showing them that you value yourself and your time and you actually want to give things some thought before rushing into things again. If you’d like to go the extra mile, you can also let them know that you plan to use this time to reflect on what happened in the relationship so that you could learn from it and be a better person. Now you might be thinking: “wow, that’s pretty straight-forward. I don’t even know how I’d say all that.” Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Well, in an ideal world, you would say this the moment they’re have “the talk” with you. You know, when they start of saying things like, “this isn’t really working out for me, I need some time apart to think about things, etc” That would have been the perfect time to do it. So if you’re still on and off and you sense “the talk” coming, here’s what to say: “You know what, I’m glad you brought that up because I’ve been thinking the same thing for a long time now and it’s probably the best thing to do” Now if you’re thinking “wow, I’m already way past that point. I’ve already called them a bunch of times and sent them a bunch of texts. I don’t know how I’d even say this after everything I did. It’d seem kind of weird or out of character” No worries…. Papa Kevin’s got your back ;) Here’s an exact word-for-word template that you can use without agonizing over what to say or how to say it. I call it:

The “Resistance Remover” >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Hey ___, I’m sorry I acted a little crazy the other day. What you said just kind of took me by surprise. I know it shouldn’t have because I’ve actually been thinking about taking some time apart as well but I guess when push came to shove, I just kind of lost it. Anyways, I’ve thought a lot about what you said and I agree that breaking up is probably the best thing for both of us right now. Best wishes, Your first name >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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The Best Way To Use This Template There are a lot of different ways that you can use this message. Personally, I would recommend writing a short hand-written letter. There’s something much more thoughtful and personal about this than just a simple text or email (especially if you’ve already tried those methods in the past). If you did, it makes it way too easy for your ex to just glance over it and quickly categorize with everything else you did. Plus, there’s a million other things on their phone that are literally a click away. Writing a handwritten letter is a good way of standing out and making a real impression on them. Plus, you’ll know they’re actually devoting their attention to what you’re saying when they receive it, rather than having it go in one ear and out the other in between a bunch of other texts and emails. Overall, I think they’ll be much more open and receptive to it in this format. However, if you don’t want to do that, you can also send it as a text, email or even a facebook message. You can really use it however you want. At the end of the day, the format you choose won’t make or break it. Just like this one message alone won’t make or break your relationship. As great as this message is, it cannot single handedly fix a broken relationship. The goal of this message is to remove the resistance they have towards you and have them see you as a whole and separate individual that is actually reacting maturely and giving this stuff some thought (rather than just acting out of desperation). In other words, this message is meant to position you as an equal (rather than a codependent emotional wreck that just keeps on pestering them) Look, shit happens and sometimes we get really emotional and totally lose our cool. However, if you can acknowledge it and own up to it, you can recover from it. That’s what this message is designed to do. It’s designed to help you regain respect in their eyes (and hopefully it’ll help you regain some self-respect as well). Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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However, I want you to keep in mind that this message is just “the opening move” It’s like the first chess move. You don’t win the game with this. There’s tons of factors beyond this message that are totally beyond my control (and probably beyond your control as well). After all, your chess pieces only compromise half the game pieces. In any case, this is a great starting point to help you get your foot in the door and open up a means of communication with them. That’s why I call it the “opening move” It’s just a way to open things up in a way where you can actually talk about it. That way, if it is truly meant to be, you’ll have a way to revive the relationship. After all, the last thing I want to do is have someone lose something special because they didn’t know how to handle themselves in the face of overwhelming emotions. That’s really the only reason I even shared this stuff with you in the first place; to show you how to handle yourself in a much more mature and respectable way (as opposed to coming across as needy and desperate). By saying that you want some time to evaluate things too, it tips the scale a bit in your favor and puts you in a place of power. It reminds them (and yourself) that you’re a perfectly whole and complete individual that could be fine with or without them. It also communicates the fact that you would only choose to invite them back into your life if you truly believed that it was in your best interest. In a lot of cases, it usually isn’t, though that’s a really hard thing for most people to accept (even though deep down they realize that their ex is not really good for them). Unfortunately, most people have to learn this the hard way. As they say, “you can lead the horse to the water but you can’t make it drink.” I did my best to lead you down what I believe to be the most constructive path based on my experience. However, what you choose to do from here is totally up to you. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Whatever you do, make sure you decide from a place of POWER (not desperation) Remember, the “secret” is to be happy on your own (with or without your ex) You have to be willing to let them go if you ever want them to come back. PS: if you know that your ex is not the right person for you and you know you need to move on, please just completely disregard this section. I battled with myself while I was writing this section because I didn’t want to lead people on or give them false hope. The only reason I ultimately decided to share this message was because I wanted to give people a way to open up the communication again in a casual, non-invasive way. When I first started helping people, I wouldn’t actually tell them what to say. I would just tell them to cut contact and move on. However, I realized that very few actually listened. Over time, I realized that people were going to try to contact their ex one way or another… might as well give them a better way to do it. With that said, if you don’t want to be with them, just let go and move on with your life. You can still send them that message if you want, just don’t go wishing and hoping that you end up getting back together. Because chances are, you won’t. Why? Because people break up for a reason. What’s done is done and you need to accept it and move on. Just focus on the first 10 pages of this section where I was talking about why they’re acting so cold and distant right now. Now that you have a better understanding of the situation and you realize that they’re ahead of you in the recovery process, your expectations will change. Hopefully, you’ll no longer expect them to act the same way, which will give you some more peace of mind. By the way, if you’re interested in learning more about where your relationship went off course and what you could have done to save it, I have another course that you may find helpful. It’s called:

Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

Why Your Ex Left (And What You Need to Learn From It) This course will give you an “inside-look” at what went wrong in your relationship, what you can learn from it, and what to do so you don’t end up repeating the same mistakes in your future relationships. It also goes much deeper into why men just suddenly leave disappear out of the blue and how to become the kind of woman that no man would EVER want to leave. I also cover why women suddenly lose attraction and start acting cold and distant in a relationship (and what you can do to KEEP her interest so that she never gets bored and leaves you for someone else). It’s important to know why your relationship ended regardless of whether you want to get over your ex or get them back. If you want to get back together, you have to know the REAL reasons you guys broke up so that you can actually have a chance of resolving the things that tore you apart. Without this, you don’t stand a chance of actually getting them back (let alone rebuilding the relationship and actually making it last) If you don’t want them back and you just want to learn from your mistakes so that you know what to do in the future, I’d highly recommend checking it out too. After all, it’s better to learn from it now so that you don’t make the same mistakes in the future. Here’s the link where you can download the course =>www.WhyYourExLeft.com In case you’re wondering how a course like this can possibly tell you what went wrong in your relationship, I just want to make it clear that this is not just a regular course. It’s more than just a series of videos and eBooks… it actually gives you specific messages that you can send to your ex to get them to tell you the real reason why they left. You’re really going to like one of them in particular, called “The Reason Revealer” It’s a bit longer than the one I shared in this section but it’s even more powerful. The one I shared in this section is great because it “levels” the playing field. However, your ex may not always respond to this message (after all, there’s nothing in it that really evokes a need for them to reply to you). It’s a lot more subtle and “under the radar” However, “The Reason Revealer” message actually asks them to give you a reason for the break up in a really casual and non-invasive way. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

It took me a while to phrase it just right but now it works like a charm. Once you read it, you’ll beat yourself up for not thinking of it yourself. Check it out here => www.WhyYourExLeft.com

Want My Personal Advice on Your Situation? If you want more in-depth advice based on your specific situation, just call my office at (312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected] After you reach out to us, my assistant will get back to you to schedule a time for us to talk. Once we get on the phone, I’ll help you see through all the confusion and figure out what you should do. Disclaimer: due to the overwhelming amount of requests I get, I cannot personally talk to everyone that wants my advice. However, we always get back to people within 24-48 hours so go ahead and reach out to us and my assistant will let you know what times I have available. I’m usually pretty booked up but even if I’m totally booked for the week, they should still be able to get you in pretty soon. Just call us at (312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected]

Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

Section 3:

Kicking Your Ex Off the Pedestal In this section, I want to talk to you about something that’s really important for you to do after a break up in order to get a more clear and “level-headed” way of thinking. The “thing” you have to do is kick your ex off the pedestal The reason this is so important is because after a break up, we tend to over-idealize our partner (and our relationship as a whole). We think back to all the great times we had and all the amazing things about the relationship. The reason we do this is because we actually have a “psychological bias” in our mind that causes us to focus on all the positive aspects of what we don’t have. For example, I’m sure you heard the quote that says… “You never really know what you got ‘till it’s gone” Or… “The grass is always greener on the other side” Both of these are really popular and even somewhat cliché sayings. However, the reason they’re so popular is because they’re so universal to the human condition. They describe a phenomenon that we ALL experience at one point or another. The core idea behind both of these quotes is that: We have a tendency of over-idealizing the things we don’t have. This applies in all areas of our life and it also comes into play right after a breakup. Now, I’m not sharing this stuff with you just to give you some more cliché quotes that you’ve already heard. Not at all. The reason I’m sharing this with you is because I want to prevent you from falling under this “spell” Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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If you do, you’ll end up making a big mistake that is really counterproductive to your healing. And that is: Looking at the relationship through rose-colored glasses. Instead of doing that, I want you to see the relationship for what it actually is. I want to help you see things from a more balanced perspective; a perspective that is not clouded by the fear of loss. In order to actually do that though, you have to counteract the unconscious bias that’s causing you to focus on all the “good” things about the relationship. By the way, we ALL do this. So even if you’re reading this and thinking “I’m not doing that” – you still are. You just don’t know that you’re doing it because it’s unconscious (which means that you don’t even see it, you think it’s just the way it is) It’s not. There’s another side to the equation that you’re not seeing it because you’re so clouded by the feelings of longing and desperation. To counteract this tendency, you have to focus on the flaws. Both the flaws of your ex and the flaws in your relationship. You need to force yourself to focus on the things that were NOT so great (at least temporarily) If you don’t do this, you are just going to stay stuck in a cycle of “rosy retrospection” where you’re dwelling over some idealistic vision of the relationship that isn’t really true. If you stop and look at the relationship as a whole, you’ll realize that the way you’re thinking right now is not really an accurate reflection how things really were. You’re just holding on to a romanticized ideal of how things used to be (and you’re probably still holding on to the hope that you can eventually get things back to that) Now, the problem here isn’t hope… the problem is naïve hope. A naïve persistence even in the face of overwhelming odds to the contrary (ie: your ex ignoring you, mistreating you, or letting you know that it really is over) And yet, we still cling to the hope of reconciling. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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That’s what I mean by naïve hope; clinging to the hope that things can change when you really have no reason to believe that they will. Now, in some cases, our ex is the one that’s responsible for making us think that way. Sometimes they send us “mixed signals” and lead us to believe that there is still hope. So when you hear things like “you need to let go of the hope of things ever changing” you might feel some resistance and think “well, they said this or that so I don’t know” If that’s the case, then what you really need help with right now isn’t necessarily how to kick your ex off the pedestal but how to see through mixed signals and figure out where you two really stand. Since that’s such a unique thing that’s specific to your situation, the best way to figure that out is to book a private “Relationship Clarity” session with me. In this session, I’ll help you see through the mixed-signals and figure out if they still have feelings for you. I’ll also help you figure out if there’s still a chance of making it work. Here’s how it works: We’ll jump on a private call together, you’ll give me the full story of how it happened and I’ll help you figure out exactly what to do next. I can even interpret each individual text and email with you and help you understand what they mean and what you should do. After our session, you’ll leave with a lot more clarity, knowing exactly what to do next. To book a “Relationship Clarity” session with me, just call my office at (312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected] After you reach out to us, my assistant will get back to you within 24-48 hours to setup a time for us to talk. If you want to get some clarity on your situation immediately, I’ve actually developed an entire course on this exact topic. It’s called “Can Your Relationship Be Saved?” This course is comprised of a series of videos and eBooks just like this, as well as an in-depth relationship assessment that I use with all my private clients to help them figure out if there’s still a chance of saving the relationship. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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The reason it’s so important for you to figure this out is so that you can finally get some kind of closure. Without it, you’ll just end up being stuck in the “uncertainty cycle” forever, torn being moving on and getting back together. Hell, you may even waste weeks, months, and sometimes YEARS of your life waiting around on someone that really had no intention of ever getting back together with you. This course will help you make sense of their behavior and see through any mixed-signals they may be giving you. I’ll show you exactly what to look for to figure out if they still want to be with you. I’ll also give you the 2 critical signs that you need to pay attention to so you don’t end up wasting your time with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. Most people are totally naïve to these signs. In fact, they usually just end up brushing them off completely because the truth isn’t pretty. However, I’m not concerned with saying what’s pretty, I’m only considered with giving you the truth. And that’s exactly what I’m going to give you in this course. Warning: this is NOT for the faint of heart. This is only for the people who actually value themselves enough to finally get this thing figured out. If you’re okay with living in a state of constant confusion, reading into every little thing they do, wondering if there’s still a chance – this is not for you. This is only for people who want to know the truth. If you want to learn more details about this course, send us an email at [email protected] What’s really sad is that I’ve actually seen some people get this course and see all the signs and yet they STILL continue to hold on to the hope of getting back together. It’s sad, really. So many of us want so desperately for it to work that we’re willing to brush off all the red flags and cling to this fantasy image in our mind. If you can relate to what I’m saying, it’s time to stop being irrational and start seeing things clearly. Easier said than done, right? Not to worry though because I’m going to help you break this pattern on the next page. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Getting Perspective If you ever want to regain your peace of mind and sanity, you have to stop idealizing your relationship and start seeing things for what they really are. In order to do that, you need to focus on the flaws. By the way, this is exactly what your ex did as well…. unconsciously. Remember, in the last section I talked about how they emotionally distanced themselves over time? Well, this is exactly how they did it. Over time, they became more and more focused on all the reasons they weren’t happy in the relationship. All they saw was how it wasn’t working for them and how it wasn’t really giving them what they want and need. And the more they focused on that, the more it became the reality for them. Remember: where your attention goes, energy flows. When you choose to direct your focus to something, it expands. This is a universal truth and it also applies to your relationship. As they thought more and more about how they weren’t really happy in the relationship, they found even more reasons to be unhappy. It has a vicious snowball effect over time because they’re constantly focused on what they don’t like, rather than what they do like and what they can do to improve the relationship. If you’re still not convinced that this is what actually happened behind the scenes in your relationship, think of this way: No one ever leaves a relationship thinking… “I’m so madly in love with this person, I really value what we have and I am willing to do whatever it takes to preserve our bond and connection” Not quite. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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They usually leave in a state of hopelessness, feeling like “I can’t do this anymore! They don’t understand me! Nothing I say gets through to them!” See what I mean? That shift in focus has to happen, otherwise they wouldn’t be able to bear the idea of leaving you. It would be way too painful for them to do it if they didn’t already go through this process internally. Make sense? So what I want you to do is actually go through the same experience they went through before they decided to break up with you. Remember: if you’re the one that got dumped, you’re in a radically different state of mind than they are right now. When you’re in this state, there’s no way that you can possibly understand what’s going on in their mind (or even see the relationship for what it really is) Once you go through this process yourself, you will get an understanding of the process they went through and why there seems to be this hidden gap between the two of you. It will also give you a better understanding of the relationship and what to do if you do decide to get back together. But, I think that going through this exercise will make you realize that this relationship really wasn’t working for you either. Because if it got to the point where you guys broke up, then it probably happened for a reason. After all, people breakup for a reason. Like I said earlier, no one ditches something that’s working for them. No one leaves something that’s perfect. You don’t throw away precious diamonds, you throw away trash. Now, I’m not saying that your relationship is trash; I’m just saying that it probably wasn’t quite what you are making it out to be right now. And it’s definitely not what you think it is in your ex’s eyes (otherwise they wouldn’t want to leave you!) So it’s time to get real… It’s time to focus on the flaws of the relationship so that you can actually see it for what it is, warts and all. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Focus on Their Flaws In the meantime, I want you to focus on all the flaws of the relationship and all the ways that it wasn’t really giving you what YOU want. By the way, if you’re in a situation where you already know that the relationship isn’t good for you but you find yourself backpedaling back into the relationship, or giving in when your ex comes back around saying they love you or miss you or are still thinking about you, this is extremely important. You have to make sure you focus on the flaws in the relationship in order to give yourself the strength to hold your ground and not get sucked back if they decide to come back. If you don’t do this, you’ll just keep getting suckered back every time they come back around. To make sure this doesn’t happen to you again, I’m going to share a special technique at the end of this section called “The Focus Shifter” Before I do that though, I want to share a little saying with you that I always share with my clients in my private practice: “Stop drinking poison and trying to convince yourself it’s medicine” And a lot of people do just that… they know a relationship isn’t working, they know it’s toxic and dysfunctional. In fact, they know that as soon as they get back with that person, they are going to live in a state of overwhelming stress and anxiety that will totally CONSUME their entire life and yet they do it anyway. They just keep drinking the poison and convincing themselves it’s medicine. Why? Because they’re ADDICTED! We may not realize it but love can be very addicting at times. And what do you do when you’re addicted? You do whatever you can do to sustain your addiction. Guess what makes that addiction even worse? Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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The romanticized memory you have in your mind of how good things used to be. We cling to that with all our might and convince ourselves that we’re going to find a way to get that back. But sometimes you can’t find a way to get back to that because of all the reasons that piled up and caused you two to break up in the first place. I want you to spend a little bit of time contemplating what those reasons may be. But even more importantly, I want you to contemplate the reasons why YOU don’t want this relationship. I know you’re still in love with your ex so this might be something that you don’t want to do right away. In fact, you might even be a little resistant to it at first. However, it’s really important for you to push that aside for now and just do this exercise because it’ll help you see the relationship for what it really is. Until you actually see it for what it is, you won’t be able to make an educated decision on whether you really want to get them back or not. Your natural urge will be to try to get them back because you have an over-idealized image of them in your mind that’s skewing your judgment. If you’ve already decided that it’s best to move on, this will serve you even more. Why? Because you need to balance out that skewed image that you have in your mind of how things used to be. As long as you have that over-idealized image in your head, you’re not going to be able to truly move on with your life. You might be able to take a few steps forward but it’s going to feel like you’re constantly fighting an uphill battle. And that uphill battle is really against your own mind. So if you really want to get over your ex and move on with your life, it’s really important to make this shift. See this break up as an opportunity to get rid of something that was weighing you down in life. If you see it this way, you will embrace the change with open arms and view it as something positive that is happening in your life. You’ll see it as an opportunity to break free from all the pain and hurt that this relationship was causing you. Once you get there, things will be infinitely easier for you. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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So that’s the big quantum shift that you need to make. Remember: your ex has already made this shift (otherwise they wouldn’t have left you) They reached a breaking point where they were just like “I can’t do this anymore!” Well, I want you to reach that same breaking point too. And the special technique that I’m about to share with you will help you do that. It’s called:

The Focus Shifter Here’s how to do it… You start by realizing that it’s not really your ex that you’re missing, it’s who you thought they were See, you’re not just missing a person here… you’re also missing a concept. A concept of who you thought they were and what you thought you had (which in most cases, is not something that is even worth missing in the first place). However, due to all the psychological biases that come up in the face of loss, it’s tempting to paint things out in a glorious light. Since your unconscious tendency after a break up is to paint your ex out to be better than they really are, the only way you even stand a chance of regaining your sanity is by CONSCIOUSLY directing your focus on their flaws. Because you have a natural inclination to exaggerate all the good things about your ex after they leave, it’s absolutely crucial that you counteract this tendency by going to the other extreme to exaggerate all the bad stuff so that you can “balance it out” One of the most important things you need to do is stop thinking that your ex was a “one of a kind” person. Yes, I know that technically they are because we’re all special little snowflakes but no matter how “special” he or she was, the next guy or girl will also be very special in their own unique way. So what you need to do is take this sudden urge you have to see all the ways they're “unique” and direct it towards finding all the ways that they're uniquely flawed. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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This will make it much easier for you to move on with your life since you won’t be constantly beating yourself up for losing the best thing you ever had (this is especially common in cases of first love) So instead of only remembering the positive aspects of the relationship and dismissing all the negatives, you’re going to have to ignore ALL the positive things for now and remember ONLY the negative. Pretend that you’re an artist and you’re limited to using only dark and depressing colors when painting this particular painting. Shift your focus on all the ways YOU weren’t happy with them… just like they've done with you. Focus on all the things that disqualify them from someone that you would like to be in a long-term relationship with. Rather than feeling inadequate for not meeting their expectations, challenge yourself to see all the ways that they didn’t meet YOUR expectations. There’s many ways to do this but the simplest way is to take out a piece of paper and just let loose. So go ahead and grab a piece of paper and start listing all the reasons you don’t want to be with your ex.

Create a “Reasons Why I Don’t Want to Be With My Ex” List Take an honest look at your ex and acknowledge all the bad things about them. Focus on all the inadequacies and really narrow in on them in great detail. You can start with something like… “I can’t believe I put up with ___, ____, and ___” “I hate ____, ____, and ___” “They aren’t really the kind of person I want to be with because of __, __”

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Here are the 2 guidelines to follow when doing this exercise: 1) Be relentless and make it as descriptive as possible 2) Feel free to exaggerate all you want to make your point You had no problem glorifying all the good qualities about them before so you shouldn’t have any difficulty exaggerating the bad qualities either. Example: if your ex had a bad temper, you can exaggerate the hell out of it by writing something like… “She’s so hot-headed that she blows up over every little fucking thing. It’s outright dysfunctional and I can’t possibly imagine how anyone could be in a relationship with her. I’m glad we broke up so I don’t have to put up with her shit anymore, I can’t imagine how miserable I’d be if I had to deal with that for the rest of my life.” PS: this is actually a little excerpt that I wrote myself after a break up I went through. The key here is to do whatever it takes to make it as emotionally compelling as possible. Here are the 2 outcomes you’re aiming for: 1) You want your list to be so emotionally charged that every time you read over it, you are literally filled with DISGUST 2) You want your list to sound so horrible that you would have to be completely out of your mind to even CONSIDER wanting to be with them again I shared a brief example of how I applied this in my own life above. However, the real magic happens when you go through this process yourself. The amount of relief you get from this exercise depends on how deep you’re willing to dig to discover all the things that you despise about your ex. So challenge yourself to get ruthless and drill down to all the juicy personal stuff. I know this may sound a little “extreme” at first and a part of you may be thinking that this is too harsh. You may not want to think so negatively about your partner and be so blatantly disrespectful to them.

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While I can understand your concern, you have to remember that: 

This exercise is NOT meant to be degrading to your ex… it’s meant to be relieving for you!



You are NOT doing this to them – you are doing this for you!

They’re never going to see what you write in this exercise so don’t worry about hurting their feelings or having anyone judging you for being a bitch or an asshole. Feel free to get brutally honest here. Let it all out and don’t hold anything back. Remember, you’re not just writing them off as a bitch or an asshole for the rest of your life. You’re simply focusing on the things that will bring you relief right now. You can always go back later and remember all their good qualities, as well as all the great times you had together. But focusing on all that stuff right now will only make it worse so it’s absolutely critical that you focus on all the bad stuff first in order to help you get some momentum. After that, you’ll be able to revisit the relationship from a much more neutral and balanced perspective. 3) The third and MOST IMPORTANT step of this exercise is to re-read all the “bad things” about your ex in order to reprogram your mind. This will train your mind to associate negative experiences to your relationship and it will make it easier for you to move on. Here’s an example of a belief that I associated to being in a relationship with my ex… “I’m glad it’s over because being in a relationship with her will do nothing but cause me a lot of unnecessary pain, stress, and suffering… and ultimately make me miserable. Plus I can do a lot better than her anyways.” If you feel like this belief would help you get over it, feel free to adopt it. If you feel that another belief will do a better job of helping you through this, then I encourage you to write it down and use it. The “secret” to making this work though is repetition.

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You have to read it over and over to truly reprogram your mind, otherwise it won’t really help you. Doing it once will make you feel better but it won’t actually lead to a permanent change. After you make this list, put it in your wallet or purse and carry it around with you at all times. Anytime you catch yourself drifting off and thinking about them, just read it over again to get your head on straight.

How to “Fall Out of Love” with Your Ex If you truly want to move on, you have to fall out of love with your ex. Now, I'm not saying that you can just magically “flip off” a switch and simply not care about them anymore. Not at all. A part of you will love them and care about them no matter what you do. However, you can fall out of love with them. In other words, you can still love them and care about them but not see them as someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. This idea is categorized by that cliché break up line we hear all the time: “I love you but I’m just not in love with you anymore” While this phrase can frustrate many of us to no end, it also highlights a special phenomenon that happens in relationships. What they’re basically saying is this: "Although I still love and care about you, I really don't see you as the kind of person that I want to spend be in a relationship with for the rest of my life with” Fair enough, right? Sometimes you just don’t know that until actually spending time with someone. However, we usually don’t see it that way. Why? Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Because we’re too emotionally invested to really see things objectively. We usually get triggered and start acting all defensive, trying to figure out what they mean. Well, let me help you translate what they mean: They still love and care about you… they’re just not in love with you anymore. A person can fall out of love with someone for a variety of reasons. 1) They can fall out of love because they discover that they are fundamentally incompatible with one another and want different things. 2) They can fall out of love with you because you guys just can’t seem to communicate together 3) Or they can fall out of love with you if they just have far too many negative experiences with you and see no hope of things getting better When I say negative experiences, I don’t mean mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes and mistakes can easily be forgiven. However, when they are too great in number or happen way too frequently, it can chip away at the love in the relationship. Like I said, I’m not saying that a switch just flips off and they suddenly stop loving you. What happens is that another switch flips on simultaneously saying: "Although I still love and care about this person, I don’t know if I really want to be in a relationship with them for the rest of my life” I can't help you pinpoint exactly WHY that switch flipped on for your ex without talking to you personally. However, what I can do is give you a technique that will help you flip the same switch so that you can start to fall out of love with your ex. I’ll share this with you on the next page PS: if you want to talk to me personally to figure out what made your fall out of love, just call my office at (312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected] You can also check out my advanced course on Why Your Ex Left, which reveals the 10 most common reasons that cause people to break up (and what you can learn from it).

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The goal of this course is to help you learn what went wrong in your relationship so that you actually have a chance of rebuilding it. Or, if you don’t want to rebuild it, you can use this knowledge to make sure that you don’t make the same mistakes in the future. You can download the course here => www.WhyYourExLeft.com

How To Fall Out of Love with Your Ex In this section, I’m going to share another really powerful technique that you can use to fall out of love with your ex. This technique stems from NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) and it actually simulates the exact same process your ex went through prior to breaking up with you. The technique is designed to help you disassociate from all the good memories of your relationship and associate it with all the bad ones. Yet, when a relationship ends, we often do the exact opposite. We tend to only see the good things and ignore all the reasons why the relationship ended in the first place. We get “tunnel vision” and we paint out this fairy tale fantasy of how great things used to be (when it usually wasn't even all that great). We just think it is because it’s gone. This is just a natural tendency of human nature and the exercise I’m about to share on the next page will help you overcome it.

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A Simple 3 Step Process for “Falling Out of Love” with Your Ex Step 1) - Think of your ex and make a “movie” of all the happy times you had together -

Think of all the good memories and enter those memories and experience them as if they are happening right now in the view of the “first person”

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Now take those memories and view them through the “third person” perspective. Make the image very small and push it off into the distance. Keep making it smaller and smaller and keep pushing it further and further away.

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As you notice the image drift far off into the distance, notice how you feel less and less like that image. Keep pushing that image away until it finally disappears.

Step 2) - Now imagine all the bad times you had with your ex and make a “movie” of all the fights and arguments. -

Remember all the negatives feelings you had and feel them as if it was happening right now. Remember all the anger, disgust, and disappointment that you felt towards them and how it felt to be around them.

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Step into those memories and experience it in the first person. Experience all of the bad memories you had with her as vividly as possible and remember all the things they did that really pissed you off.

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Bring this image closer and closer to you and keep reliving the experience and feeling it in the first person. Repeat this step over and over until you get really sick of them.

Step 3) - Imagine a future where you are free from all of these horrible memories. Notice how happy you are to finally be able to move on with your life and leave all this stress and drama behind. Imagine how liberating it will be to live life without any of this stuff weighing you down anymore. Notice how much more light and free you feel already knowing that this toxic relationship is finally coming to an end.

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Section 4:

Should I Try to Get My Ex Back Or Should I Just Move On? Hey, what’s going on? It’s Kevin here. I hope the last section has given you a much more balanced and accurate perception of what your relationship was actually like (rather than the romanticized fairytale that you created in your head) Now that you’re seeing things from a more balanced perspective, it’s time to address the number one biggest question that people have after a breakup: Should I Try to Get My Ex Back or Should I Just Move On? Before I begin to discuss this, I want you to realize that this is a very loaded question. Like any choice of this magnitude, there are a lot of different factors to consider. Here are a few things that you should consider: 1. Why did you guys break up in the first place? Do you know the real reason why you broke up or did they give you a vague excuse? 2. Do you feel like the issues in your relationship are resolvable? 3. Do you feel like you guys were truly compatible with one another? 4. Did you both want the same thing for your future? 5. Were you able to communicate effectively with one another? 6. Were you able to truly understand one another in times of conflict or were you too triggered to truly hear the other person and understand their feelings? 7. Were you able to handle conflicts effectively and come to a mutual understanding despite your differences or were one of you too proud and stubborn?

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There’s lots of other factors to consider as well, these are just a few questions to get you started. I know I laid them on you right away in the very beginning but I would recommend spending some time thinking about them when you’re done reading this section. Take out a journal and spend some time contemplating your answers to these questions. They will drill right to the heart of the matter and give you the clarity you need. Seriously, don’t just read over these questions and then skip to the next part hoping to find some kind of “magic” answer laid out just for you, with 100% certainty. I’d love to be able to do that for you but it’s simply not possible… or at least not without talking to you personally and getting a better feel for your specific situation. Even that wouldn’t give you 100% certainty. I’d definitely be able to point you in the right direction after spending years helping people through similar situations. However, there is no 100% certainty in anything. I know that’s common sense but I’m just putting that out there so you know the reality of the situation. With that said, if you want some more in-depth advice based on your specific situation, I’d suggest booking a “Relationship Clarity” session with me. In this session, I’ll help you figure out whether your relationship can still be saved (and what to do if it can’t). Here’s how it works: We’ll jump on a private call together, you’ll give me the full story of what happened and I’ll help you figure out what you should. I can even interpret each individual text and email with you and help you understand what they mean and how you should respond. I’ll also help you see through any mixed-signals so you can figure out if they still have feelings for you. After your session with me, you’ll leave with a lot more clarity, knowing exactly what to do next. To book a “Relationship Clarity” session with me, just call my office at (312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected] Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Like I said, the answer to whether you should stay or go is way beyond the scope of what I can cover in just this one section. And honestly, it’s beyond the scope of what I planned to cover in this course. In this course I promised to help you be happy on your own, with or without your ex. That way, you’ll be okay with yourself no matter what happens. To help you do that, I want to share a really powerful exercise that I use with my clients in my private practice. It’s actually a very popular exercise that a lot of coaches and counselors use and it goes by a lot of different names. I call it:

The “Worst Case Scenario” Visualization What this does is it helps you confront the worst case scenario so that you can mentally brace yourself for it. By doing this, you force yourself to find a way to cope with the situation if that’s what it really came down to. In doing so, you realize that there are things that you can actually do to cope with it and losing them would not be the end of the world. The reason this is so effective is because it helps you dissolve your resistance and fear. One of the biggest reasons we’re so resistant to leaving the relationship is because it’s scary. It’s scary to imagine our life without them and you might be afraid that you’ll never find someone like them again. Another reason that we’re so resistant leaving is because our sense of self is often so entangled with the person, that losing them means losing a part of our self. And our brain, our ego, our whole psychological structure naturally resists that change in order to keep things safe, comfortable and familiar. So what I found really helpful is actually confronting the worst case scenario proactively in order to get you to realize that it wouldn’t really be the end of the world if it did end. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Sure, it may be very unpleasant to imagine right now but if you proactively confront the situation and force yourself to figure out what you would do if it were to happen, you will see that there are things you can actually do to deal with it. You wouldn’t be totally lost and hopeless (though I know it often feels that way). The truth is: Life goes on… no matter how bad it gets. Although you may not feel like it right now, you will be just fine without your ex. Sure, it’ll be difficult to adjust to your life without them and it will feel disorienting for a while. However, as you focus on yourself and re-establish new habits and routines, it’ll get easier. Don’t get me wrong, it’ll take A LOT more than that to actually heal yourself. However, I’ll share some of the exercises that I use with my private clients to help them accelerate their healing process. Here’s one of them…

Confronting The “Worst Case” Scenario Here’s how to do it…. Take out a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle to separate it into 2 columns. In the left-hand column, I want you to write out what your life will be like if you DO get back with your ex. In the right-hand column, I want you to write what your life will be like if you don’t get back with your ex. Really think about this for a minute and imagine both possible outcomes. Are there any benefits to not having them in your life? Write those out too because that will help you see the positive side of the situation. (PS: it may even show you that things may actually be better without them in your life) Once you do this exercise, your whole perspective will change. After weighing the pros and cons, you’ll be much more detached from the situation and you’ll also have a lot more clarity on what to do. Remember, the natural reaction is to get triggered and start acting crazy. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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So anything you can do to change your perspective and get yourself to see that this is not the end of the world will greatly improve your peace of mind and sanity. So think about both possible outcomes and then write out what you would actually DO in each case. Approaching it this way will make things seem much less devastating and overwhelming and it will also put you in a PROACTIVE state (as opposed to a reactive state). When you’re in a reactive state, you are NOT in control of ANYTHING in your life. You are simply being pulled every which way by your emotions, like a pinball in a pinball machine. However, if you approach things from a proactive state, then you actually have control of your thoughts and feelings – and ultimately – your actions. Approaching things from a proactive state means that you are fully aware of all the intricate dynamics of the situation; you are able to recognize your thoughts and emotions (as well as the impact they are having on you in the present moment). And yet, you are also able to step outside of what you are feeling in this moment and see what CHOICES you actually have available to you right now. When you do this, you realize that you only a handful of things that you can actually DO right now. With this awareness, you choose the best possible course of action and patiently tread forward, with wisdom and understanding. In order to do this, you need observe what’s going on for you as if you were hovering above yourself right now. Imagine that you are looking down at yourself as you read this and try to see the situation from a bird’s eye view. Now, do your best to approach things objectively and ask yourself: what can I actually do right now? You can sit here and fret about the past, thinking about all the things you did or wish you could have done. However, a part of you already knows that this will only hurt you more in the long run and keep you stuck in your suffering. You can day-dream about the future, hoping that your ex will eventually come to their senses and come crawling back to you. Hell, you can even make it all elaborate in your mind and imagine them coming to you and owning up to all their mistakes, apologizing for all their wrongdoings, telling you they love you and want nothing more than to be with you again.

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You would then chime in and apologize for your half and all the issues that plagued your relationship would just magically dissolve right there and then and you would go on to live happily ever after without ever having to face them again. No matter how good that may to you sound right now, it’s very unlikely that it’ll actually happen. So betting your future on that (as well your present-moment sanity) is a losing game if you ask me. Why? Because it’s not within your control. Remember, the only person you can control is yourself. You have no control over your ex or their desire to be with you. Sure, you can do things that will make them miss you. Hell, you can even whip out all the manipulative tactics that people teach in all those “get your ex back” programs that you see on the internet to make your ex jealous and instill a fear of loss in them so that they talk to you again. However, the effects of those tricks are short-term. Sure, they may influence a “primal part of their subsconscious mind” as all the people boast about on their sales pages. However, they don’t influence the most important thing… which is your ex’s heart. What their heart wants to do is ultimately outside of your control. I know it’s a bittersweet truth… but it’s the truth, and you have to learn to accept that. And the reason I shared this exercise with you is to help you accept that. So go back and work through this exercise and imagine your life with and without them. Write the pro’s and con’s of both scenarios. Try to step outside of yourself and image yourself looking down on yourself from above. Look at the situation objectively and then determine what you can actually do from here. Do this a couple times if you have to. Each time you do it, the loss will seem less and less overwhelming. Remember, if you proactively confront the breakup and truly brace yourself for it, it won’t have the power to derail you. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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However, if you don’t proactively confront it, you’ll end up reacting to it and then getting sucked into an automatic response. So do your best to confront it now and I promise that it’ll make it much easier for you to cope with it.

Want My Personal Advice on Your Situation? If you want more in-depth advice based on your specific situation, just call my office at (312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected] After you reach out to us, my assistant will get back to you to schedule a time for us to talk. Once we get on the phone, I’ll help you see through all the confusion and figure out what you should do. Disclaimer: due to the overwhelming amount of requests I get, I cannot personally talk to everyone that wants my advice. However, we always get back to people within 24-48 hours so go ahead and reach out to us and my assistant will let you know what times I have available. I’m usually pretty booked up but even if I’m totally booked for the week, they should still be able to get you in pretty soon. Just call us at (312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected]

Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

Section 5:

Letting Go In this section, I want to talk about one of the most important steps in the healing process: letting go. This is a really hard thing for a lot of people to do because they just can’t seem to imagine their life without their partner. That’s why I shared “the worst case scenario exercise” in the last section… to help you mentally brace yourself for what would happen if this relationship really did end. So if you haven’t went through that exercise yet, make sure you do it before reading the information in this section. If you’re one of those people that just likes to read stuff without actually doing any of the things suggested (don’t worry, I’ve been guilty of this myself too), then just let this be a friendly reminder to go back and do that part, okay? It’s really important. The reason it’s so important for you to do that exercise first is because it takes you through a visualization process where you actually imagine your life with and without your ex. Once you do this, you’ll realize that you’ll be fine either way. I know you may not see that right now and I know the thought of that might be too scary for you to even imagine. However, eventually, you’ll realize that life does go on. In fact, it even becomes better in a lot of ways (assuming you make the conscious effort to reflect on what happened and learn from it). If you took the time to write all the pros and cons of staying with your ex and leaving, you may have realized that your life will actually be a lot more relaxing and stress-free without this relationship weighing you down. If you haven’t done that yet, make sure you go back to the last section and do that so that you are prepared for what I’m about to share in this section. Okay, so in this section, we’re going to talk about letting go.

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What To Do If You Know That Your Relationship Is Not Right For You If you already know that this relationship is not right for you, you need to move on with your life and never second-guess your decision. Ever. In order to do this, you need to reinforce all the reasons you don’t want to have any part of this anymore (those are all the reasons you listed in section 3, assuming you did that) Once again, if you just read that part and didn’t actually do the exercise in that section, it’s important that you go back and do that now. It’ll be incredibly helpful for you. NOTE: every part of this course is strategically designed to build on one another and prepare you for the next section. If you skip over something, you may have some cognitive blocks to the next part of the process. If that’s the case, you’ll probably find yourself resisting what I’m saying in a later section because you’re not mentally there yet (and that’s okay). Just go back to the previous section and do the exercise to get your mind in the right place for the next one. It happens. BTW: if you ever revisit a previous and do the exercise in order to get your mind in the right place for the next one. What To Do If You’re Not Sure If This Relationship Is Right For You… If you’re not as confident in what to do yet, you need to take a break to let things sink in and really get some perspective. You need to let some time pass to make the fear of losing them settle down a bit. Give both yourself and your relationship a break. Don’t get in your ex’s face and try to get answers out of them. That won’t bring you any closer to getting them back. Give them the space to be. But even more importantly, give yourself the space to be. This is one of the most important things you can do right now. Why? Because it’s really hard to see reality as it is after a break up. You need to give yourself some space to really step back and reflect on the relationship objectively to see what was working and what wasn’t. There’s a common saying that says, “Hindsight is 20/20” Well, they say that for a reason. It’s because you can’t see things when you’re too close to them. It’s like a fish swimming in the water… it doesn’t see the water because it’s swimming in it. However, if you took it out of the water, it would see things from a totally different perspective. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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It would realize that there’s an entire world out there that exists outside of the water. Well, the same thing applies here. A month from now, you’ll have a totally different perspective on this relationship. You’ll have more clarity on the relationship as a whole and you’ll also have a better idea of whether you should just ditch it or try to rebuild it. And if you go through the second half of this program (as well as my program on Why Your Ex Left & What You Need Learn From It), you’ll also have a much better understanding of what actually happened in your relationship and what caused it to fall apart. You’ll have even more clarity on these things 2 to 3 months from now if you follow all the exercises that I outline in this program. However, it all starts with getting some space and perspective. The reason it’s so important for you to get some space right now is two-fold. Part of the reason it’s so important is so that you can actually start to see things clearly. The second reason it’s so important is so that you can actually heal. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying - “love is like a drug” Well, there’s actually a lot of truth to that saying. If you study neuroscience and learn about what’s actually going on with your brain chemistry when you’re in love (which only psychology geeks like I do) you’ll see that your brain is actually under the influence of some really, really powerful emotions. When you’re in love, it sets off certain chemical reactions in your brain that cause you to feel things and do things that you wouldn’t normally do (almost as if you were under a spell). Now, don’t get it twisted, I’m not saying that love is a spell… I’m just using it as a metaphor here. The problem with being under a spell is that - when you’re under it - you can’t really see straight. Your thinking is clouded and your decision-making is compromised. That’s why so many people stay in abusive relationships, or toxic relationships that are downright horrible for them. It’s because they’re under a “love spell” that’s clouding their mind and preventing them from seeing things clearly. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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You may have experienced this before from the other end if you’ve ever had to a friend come to you for advice in a time of distress. Perhaps they were in a relationship that wasn’t going too well and they’ve been hanging on their last straw for a few months now. They reached out to you for advice and you tried to set their head on straight. It took a while but you eventually got them to see things clearly. Perhaps they even realized what they needed to do now and they told you that it was probably best to just walk away and end the relationship. They walked away from the talk feeling a little better and more uplifted. And what happened next? Did they actually break up with their ex afterwards? Of course not! They ended up getting sucked back into all the drama and then they came back to you with another long, drawn-out story of how it all happened. Here’s the short version of how and why it happened: love chemicals. Now, I realize that I’m grossly oversimplifying things and talking about love in a very dry manner here. There’s obviously a lot more to it than just the psychological and physiological reactions that course throughout our bodies. There’s all those wonderful feelings that make us feel happy and alive, as well as all those special moments that make us feel seen and appreciated. I was simply approaching things from a more objective, scientific perspective in order to give you some perspective on the situation. Once you do, and once you’re able to see the underlying factors at play here, you’ll be able to grasp the full scope of what’s happening and you’ll also be much better equipped to deal with it. Before you can deal with it though, you need to see it for what it really is. For example, a doctor can only prescribe a treatment after taking a complete assessment. That’s why the first thing they do is ask you a bunch of questions to uncover the symptoms and then take a bunch of scans and x-rays to get to the “true cause” Well, the same thing applies here. So let’s entertain this analogy that ‘love is like a drug’ a bit further…. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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If love is like a drug, then the first step is to BREAK YOUR LOVE ADDICTION How? Well, first you need to understand what STRENGTHENS the addiction. Trying to be “friends” with your ex after the break up is one of the biggest things that makes things worse. Lots of people try to stay friends with their ex after a breakup in order to diminish that feeling of loss by keeping them around in some way shape or form. For some, it’s a disguised way of trying to get their ex back. For others, it’s a sincere way of preserving the friendship. After all, what you and your ex had was very special and you shouldn’t just throw it away completely, right? WRONG Look, I’m not saying that you should NEVER be friends with your ex… not at all. In fact, I’m actually friends with several of my ex’s now (and I’m also in a relationship with another woman as well). In other words, I’m able to not only be friends with my ex but I’m also able to do so without it interfering with my current relationship. However, that could NOT be possible if I wasn’t truly over her. If I tried to be friends with my ex immediately after the break up without ever really getting over her, all those feelings would have lingered on. She would continue to occupy a space in my heart and I would have probably never met anyone else because of that. Why? Because I would probably still be getting all of my emotional needs met by my ex and I wouldn’t really have any incentive to go out and find someone new (especially if I was still having sex with my ex) And that’s why so many people try to be friends with their ex. They want to keep the parts of the relationship that still work for them so they don’t have to go through the pain of going out and finding someone else. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Some people think that by being friends with their ex, they’ll somehow be able to “keep them to themselves” Plus, they think that over the time, they’ll be able to get their ex to realize that they really are the right one for them. I used to think that too, and while it’s very sweet and romantic, it’s also very naïve (and quite frankly, stupid). If you stay in their life as a “friend” – they don’t actually lose anything. And even more importantly… If you’re there as a “friend” – you also don’t give them anything to miss. If they still have you there for emotional support and they can continue to lean on you for anything they need, why would they ever need to get back together with you? If they know that you would drop everything for them (and they know you would), they really have no reason to want anything more. Why? Because you’re already giving them all the privileges of “being together” without really being together. Think about it… What would make them want you back if they already have you? Nothing! You have to give them something to miss in order for them to want you back If your goal is to get them back, you need to show them how it feels to actually lose you. It’s sad but a lot of people don’t really realize what they have until it’s gone. Once they actually experience what it’s like to lose you, there’s a chance that they may experience many of the same emotions that you felt when they left you (I described these in great detail in section 1). However, you shouldn’t do this with the hopes of them coming back to you. You should do this for yourself, in order to heal and move on. If you do it just to get them back (and they don’t come back), then you’re going to be very disappointed. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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You Have to Be Willing to Walk Away If you’re confident in who you are and what you have to offer, walk away and let them experience what it’s like to be without you. If they decide that they want to come back to you, then you have your answer. If they don’t, well then you have your answer as well. Now I know what you’re thinking… What if they don’t come back? Then, the hell with them! If they don’t value you enough to want to make this work with you then why should you want to be with them? I’m sure there are a lot of good things about them but don’t you want to be with someone who actually WANTS to be with you? Someone that makes you feel loved and appreciated…. Someone that values you… Someone that makes you feel safe… Someone doesn’t cause you to live on the edge, worrying that they’ll leave and never come back…. The answer to all of those questions is probably “yes” However, if answering “yes” to those things means that you’ll end up losing your ex, the answer is immediately overridden and turned into a big fat “NO” Even though the first thing is much better for you in the long run, every part of you will fight it and try to preserve the relationship at all costs. Why? Once again, love chemicals. PS: I’m not just saying this to be funny, I’m 100% serious here. You are a love addict and your ex is your supplier. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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So if you truly want to break the addiction, you need to cut out your supplier. After that, you have to treat the temporary symptoms of withdrawal. (And that’s exactly what this program is designed to do) So here’s the next step of the program… You need to check yourself into “Relationship Rehab” And no, this is not an actual facility. It’s just a clever little phrase I thought of to classify the initial period of separation from your ex. I get that this is a catchy name and all but I’m 100% serious here. You are addicted right now and you need to do whatever it takes to break this addiction. Well, the first step to breaking your addiction is to CUT CONTACT with your ex. I know this may not be what you want to hear but it’s something that you absolutely MUST do if you ever want to feel better ever again. Why? Because you can’t break your addiction if you keep using the drug you’re addicted to. It’s like an alcoholic trying to break his alcohol addiction by only having a few drinks every night instead of downing the whole bottle. Is it an improvement? Sure. But is the problem gone? No. The same thing applies here. You will not be able to truly let go of this relationship until you decide to cut ALL forms of communication with your ex. As long as you stay in contact with them, all this chaos will continue to linger on in your life. You’ll constantly be reading into what they said, what they did, and you’ll waste a lot of your time trying to figure out what you should do or say back to them. Not only that but you’ll also be wasting a lot of other people’s time by constantly talking about all this stuff with your friends and family, saying things like: “I called them the other day but they didn’t answer my call” Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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“I sent them a text the other day and they didn’t respond.” “I texted them a few days later and then they responded. What does that mean?” “Do you think I still have a chance? What should I say or do? “I saw them post so and so on facebook. Are they seeing someone else? What do I do?” All this stuff is extremely DRAINING and it’s the perfect recipe for a life of never-ending stress and drama. You exert so much of your mental energy on this without even realizing you’re doing it. It’s like playing you’re playing a never-ending game of chess and constantly thinking about your next move. You keep telling your friends about their past moves, asking for advice on your next move, etc. Talk about exhausting? And yet, we keep on doing it! Why? Because we want to do everything in our power to avoid the often inescapable reality: that the relationship is over. It’s like being cornered in a game of chess and realizing that you’re going to get beat no matter where you move your pawn. Sure, you can sit there all day long playing out all the different moves you can make, looking back on all your past moves thinking how if only you had moved that one piece this way instead of that way 3 moves back, you wouldn’t be cornered into defeat right now. And while that may be true, at the end of the day, there comes a point where you have to just accept that you’re cornered and call it quits. Same thing applies here. You can ask your friends for 101 opinions on what you should say but the sad truth of the matter is that it’s over and you’re just wasting your own time by refusing to accept that. If your ex has already moved on and made it painfully clear that they don’t want to be with you, there’s nothing you can do. Until you truly accept the reality of the situation, you’re just going to stay stuck in the same place trying to win an un-winnable game. It’ll consume your life and it’ll eat away at all your time and energy. This will eat away at your life until you decide to enter “Relationship Rehab”

Now, don’t get “weirded” out, I’m not telling you to check yourself in anywhere. When I say - Relationship Rehab - I am simply referring to an “ex-free” zone Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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However, since there’s no physical facility that’ll force you to break your addiction, it has to be something that you decide to do for yourself. It has to be a conscious commitment on your part. I can’t force you to do this and no one else can either (unless they file a restraining order) You can read about The No Contact Rule online and I can talk about how crucial it is to your healing until I’m blue in the face. However, after working with hundreds of people in my private practice, I’ve learned that people won’t actually cut contact with their ex until they’re ready to do it so I’m not going to bother convincing you anymore. Instead, I’m just going to outline the steps to follow whenever you’re ready. With that said, here’s the 3 step process for breaking your “love addiction”

The 3 Step Process for “Breaking Your Love Addiction” The best way to overcome your “love addiction” is by going on a “(s)he-tox” A “(s)he-tox” is a commitment you make with yourself to get your “drug” out of your life for a certain period of time. In order for you to get your “drug” out of your life, you need to cut all forms of contact with your ex… starting now. Step 1) - Determine the Length of Your “(S)he-tox” Numerous research studies have shown that it only takes 21 consecutive days to create a new habit. By the end of 30 days, it becomes an integrated part of your life and it becomes the new “default behavior” so to speak. In other words, you won’t have to remember to do it or force yourself to do it, you’ll just naturally do it without having to think about it.

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Step 2) - Determine the Conditions of Your “(S)he-tox” 1) How are you going to cut this drug out of your life? 2) What are you going to do to resist the temptation and cravings? I highly recommend you make a 30 day commitment with yourself to not seek your ex out personally or electronically. That means no hanging out with your ex, no talking, no calling, no texting, no emailing, no online chatting, no checking their facebook, no checking their myspace, no checking their twitter. Nothing. If you just texted them or checked their facebook a minute ago, it’s okay, it’s normal, it’s what we do. But right now, from this moment on, truly commit yourself to doing this for the next 30 days. Ideally, you will want to do it for 90 days, but right now, even a month would be a great start. If a month sounds too intimidating, start small. Simply commit to resisting all temptation for the next 24 hours. After that, congratulate yourself and commit to another day, and another, then a week, and finally a month. If you haven’t made an effort to cut all contact with your ex, this may sound a little ridiculous but if you’ve actually tried to do this before then you already know just how hard it really is. I’ve found that unless you’re strategic in your approach, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll slip up and eventually fall back into old patterns. I’ve personally done this myself and I have to admit that it was probably one of the hardest parts of getting over my break up for me. I used a couple of different strategies to make it easier on myself and I’m going to share them with you here. What I’ve found is that the more you do to plan in advance to make it easier on yourself, the more likely you are to actually succeed. One of the best things you can do to do prepare to give you the most leverage - or the most results with the least effort - is to set the right conditions. This is a concept that I learned from one of my mentors, Eben Pagan. He calls this concept “Inevitability Thinking”

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Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

The essence behind this approach is to consciously create “conditions” in your life that will make what you want to have happen AUTOMATICALLY. With that said, the next step is to: Step 3) - Create the Conditions for Inevitable Success You have to determine what conditions you’re going to set up in your life in order to succeed (and in order to avoid falling in to old patterns) In other words, set up your environment in a way that naturally minimizes the amount of temptation you have to face on a daily basis. Look, your brain is already making it hard enough for you as it is by thinking about them all the time. So what you want to do is avoid having anything else in your life that’ll make it even more difficult on you. Make sense? So here are 4 steps that you can take to set up the right conditions for you to succeed with The No-Contact Rule.

4 Steps to Set Yourself Up for Success With The “No-Contact Rule” 1) Delete their phone number from your phone so that you’re not tempted to call or text them (or even worse, drunk dial them) No, you don’t need to keep it around “just in case.” They’re not your responsibility anymore, get used to it. I know this might sound a little harsh but this is how seriously you need to approach this right now… otherwise you won’t have the self-restraint to actually avoid it when they do call and text you. And trust me, they will (especially if you start to move on with your life).

Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

2) Avoid going to any places they might go to and avoid any social situations where you will be forced to see them. You can try to act like you’re unaffected by it but it’ll backfire. You can try to hang out with your friends with your ex around and pretend you’re cool with it but you will feel the tension in the air, it’s going to be awkward and you know it. Save yourself from learning this the hard way and just avoid it altogether. 3) Either delete your ex from facebook, or better yet, block them so that you don’t get any reminders of them popping up in your newsfeed. Why do I suggest that you block them? Because if you block them, you won’t be able to find them when you search their name in the search bar on the top left hand corner. Most people who unfriend their ex or just flat-out delete them still go on and compulsively search their ex to see what they’re doing. Although they may not be able to see as much without actually being friends with them, they’ll still browse their profile from time to time just to see their pictures or see what they’re up to. This is a huge trap and it creates a lot of unnecessary complication. That’s why I recommend that you just block them you so you don’t have to fight the temptation to do this. Most people don’t know any other way of dealing with it so they just flat-out DELETE or DEACTIVATE their facebook account altogether (which is a really stupid thing to do). Think about it…. You’re totally cutting out a part of your life because of your ex. That very act alone is letting them have control over you. You’re changing your habits and you’re preventing yourself from doing something that you would normally do just because they’re not in your life anymore. That’s silly. You shouldn’t have to do that. You shouldn’t have to stop using social networking sites altogether and go MIA from all your friends and family just because someone broke your heart. Reclaim your power and delete them from your life so that you can use all these things freely without having to constantly be hijacked by thoughts of your ex. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

No, you don’t need to keep them as a friend just in case. It doesn’t serve you any purpose in your life whatsoever. All it would do is force you to see new pictures of them in your newsfeed and all their status updates. And who knows, if it gets the best of you and you end up clicking on their profile you might even end up seeing them flirting with someone else. Or even worse, you might find out that they’re actually in a relationship with someone else. And trust me, that’s NOT what you want to see. So just delete them and move on, got it? 4) Delete any other kind of digital trace of your ex; delete their names off aim, skype, twitter, msn, etc. Dealing with a break up in the digital age is tricky. There are literally hundreds of reminders of them within just 1 tiny click of the mouse (or even on your phone). Think about that for a sec… You are literally carrying a reminder of them in your pocket at all times; the very same tool you used to communicate with them in the past. If you think about it, you probably used your phone to communicate with them more than you did with anyone else. So just the very act of using your phone is enough to remind you of them. And these days… people are really attached to their phone. Anytime you’re sitting around bored or you just find yourself missing them, you can easily take it out and get your “fix” (whether that’s by texting them or by checking up on them online) Unfortunately, this doesn’t really serve you. In fact, it just furthers your addiction. You have to cut this habit out of your life and learn to live your life without them. Sure, you may be technically living your life without them. Yet, if you’re engaging in this kind of behavior then they’re still running your life… even though they’re technically no longer in it. You have to learn how to deal with or else they’ll end up running your life forever. Unfortunately, dealing with a break up in the digital age is such a new phenomenon that it’s not really talked about anywhere. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

It’s a new challenge that has evolved as a result of the evolution in our culture and our technology. And we too must evolve with it in order to rise above it. The reason I shared this was to give you some context for this problem and also help you have some compassion for yourself. You’re not alone in this and you’re surely not the only one who’s ever had a hard time getting over a break up with the added complexities of technology. Very few people (if any) are able to move on with their life without running into this particular challenge. So step 1 is to be patient with yourself. Realize that this is a natural part of the process and you’re not a weak person for stalking your ex online. You’re also not a weak person for knowing that it’s not going to do you any good to go online and check their profile, only to end up doing it anyway and feeling worse about it afterwards. If you’re like most people, you’ll also end up beating yourself up for giving in to that urge. Look, you can’t overcome that urge with just willpower alone. Yet, that’s what most people try to do. Most people try to leave it up to that present-moment decision, hoping they’ll have the power to resist the urge and do the right thing. Yet, emotions and old habits usually trump the best of intentions. In that moment, you are much more likely to give in to your impulses than you are to act rationally and exercise control over your impulses. So rather than beating yourself up for being weak in those moments, I suggest you take some time to create a strategy for what to do in those moments. If you rely on willpower alone, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. You need to have a “game-plan” in place so you know exactly what to do. On the next page, I’m going to give you a proven strategy that has worked for me and thousands of other people.

Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

It’s not a “magic pill” so you can’t expect it to eliminate the urge altogether. However, it will give you something specific that you can actually do in those moments where you feel that urge. So there’s 2 components to this technique… Part 1 is the commitment Part 2 is the application I can give you a strategy that will help you with the “application” part of it. However, your commitment is what will ultimately determine whether you apply this strategy on a consistent basis or not. I’ve done my best to help you realize the importance of making this commitment with yourself. And hopefully by now you realize why it’s so important for you to cut contact with your ex (especially if they’ve already made it clear that they want to break up with you) If that’s the case, do both of yourselves a favor and move on. Engaging in one draining conversation after another is NOT going to change anything. By the way, if one of the reasons that you’re still trying to keep in contact with them is because you still want to be friends with them, you have to realize that you’re NOT in the place to be able to be friends with them right now. You need to take this time to yourself to cut contact and truly heal if you ever want to be friends with them later. Trying to be friends with them before you’re truly over them is only going to hurt you more in the long run. I talk about this more in my advanced course, The Breakthrough Breakup Method If you’re refusing to cut contact with them because you don’t want to miss on that sense of friendship and companionship, take out a list and write down several other people in your life that can offer you friendship and companionship. Yes, I realize that it won’t be the same “flavor of companionship” that your ex gave you but it also won’t come with all the stress and confusion that comes with your ex’s companionship. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

Plus, if you really look at the situation objectively, you’ll realize that most of the conversations that you try to have with your ex are probably not purely for the companionship anyway. If you’re really honest with yourself, you’ll realize that most of it (if not all of it) is to try to figure out your relationship status and see if there’s still a chance. Like I said earlier, this is very unlikely to happen if they’ve already moved on. Plus, it’s only going to make it harder for YOU to move on. Isn’t it hard enough already? Why do you insist on making it even harder on yourself? Instead of making it harder on yourself, I suggest you cut them out your life and do a complete (s)he-tox From this day forward, I want you to enter an “ex-free” zone I call it “Relationship Rehab” If you don’t like that name, you can call it whatever you want to call it. The most important part is that you actually follow it. To help you do that – and to make sure that you actually follow it – I created a powerful tool called: “The No Contact Contract” I’ll explain this a bit more on the next page, but basically, it’s a promise that you make to me - and ultimately – to yourself. It’s a promise to cut your ex out of your life and refrain from all communication with them. Everyone that’s printed out this contract, filled it out and used it the way I told them to has told me that it has helped them immensely. Not only were they able to resist contacting their ex, but they had a strategy in place for those weak moments where it was really, really tempting to call or text them. The sad truth is that if you don’t have some sort of strategy in place to deal with the temptation, you’re going to cave in and give in to your temptation. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

I know I have. Human nature is very feeble, especially if you don’t have a deeper commitment that you can tap into to override that temptation you feel in the moment. And that’s why I created this tool; to help facilitate that deeper commitment for you. So go ahead and read it over on the next page and then print it out and follow it. NOTE: the standalone print-out version can be downloaded and printed here: http://www.howtogetoverarelationship.com/The%20No%20Contact%20Contract%20( Prinout).pdf

Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

The “No Contact” Contract I have had a love addiction for the past __________ (length of relationship) I have been forced to go completely sober as of ________ (date of break up) I’ve had withdrawals for the past ________ weeks/months/years (time since breakup) I will not cry over spilt milk or beat myself for not being over it yet. I didn’t know about any of these methods earlier, and now that I do, I am enrolling myself into Relationship Rehab and beginning my detox I will no longer be a slave to my chemical dependency and I pledge to do whatever it takes to overcome my addiction. I will completely eliminate this drug from my life by not contacting my ex for the next 30 days There will not be a single form of communication between us (no talking or hanging out in person, no calling, texting, emailing, instant messaging, facebooking, skyping, or writing letters) Under no circumstance will I ever “check up” on them on facebook or any other social media site My healing process has now begun and the wound is finally starting to heal. I can feel the cut slowly turning into a scab and I will do my best to resist the urge to “pick at it” just to see it bleed all over again. I refuse to torture myself any longer and I will not inflict any more unnecessary pain on myself. I deserve the time and space to heal and I will not let my ex interfere with that. They have hurt me enough and I will not let them hurt me anymore. I am moving on with my life and giving myself the closure I never got. I am strong and resilient and I will bounce back better than ever from this experience. I am attractive and lovable and I know that I will find someone who does appreciate me. Signed: ___________________________________ (Your Name Here) Dated: ____________________________________ (Today’s Date Here) Addiction Liberation Date: ____________________ (30 Days From Today) Print this out, tape it to your wall, and read it out loud every time you feel tempted to contact your ex. You can also fold it and put it in your wallet as a reminder. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

Section 6:

How to Stop Thinking about Your Ex Hey, what’s going on? It’s Kevin here and I’m in a really good mood today. My cheeks actually hurt right now from smiling so much. I really love writing and recording all this material for you. I hope you’ve gotten lot of value out of it so far. Today, I want to talk to you about one of the most comment questions I get all the time: How do I stop thinking about my ex? If you’ve been following along and doing everything in the program then you’ve probably already cut contact with your ex by now. If you haven’t done that yet, you need to do that as soon as possible. Why? Because you won’t get any real perspective on the situation until you do. You’ll be obsessing over all the events that happened leading up to the breakup, rather than all the real problems that actually lead to the break up. So if you haven’t cut contact yet because you’re not sure if you should give it another try or just move on, let me kindly remind you that you need to cut contact with them regardless of whether you want to get them back or not. The only difference is, you do it temporarily if you want to get back together and you do it permanently if you’ve decided they’re not good for you. With that said, most people are usually in 1 of 2 places at this point of the program. Half the people are still furiously clinging to the hope of getting back together, even though it’s stating to seem a bit unlikely (though some are still clinging to the possibility in spite of that and are refusing to cut contact) The other half have accepted that it’s over and are having a really hard time moving on (even if they know their ex isn’t good for them in the long run). Some of them have even gone as far as cutting contact with their ex completely. If that’s the case, props to you. I know it took a lot of courage to actually do that. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

Regardless of what situation you’re in right now, you’re probably having a really hard time not thinking about them right now. It’s like they just constantly keep popping into your head over and over again throughout the day and you’re probably wondering: “how do I get them out of my head for good?” Well, that’s exactly what I’ll be covering here so let’s dive right in… The first step to getting your ex out of your head is understating the nature of the problem. Like I said in past sections, your mind hates change and it seeks to keep everything the same at all costs. It wants to keep things comfortable and familiar because it’s safer that way. Another reason why you can’t stop thinking about them is because now that you’ve cut contact with your ex, the only way that your mind can keep them alive is by thinking about them. Without your thoughts, your ex is NOTHING to you. Think about it… They’re not an active part of your life anymore; you’re not really interacting with them and no new memories are being created. The only time they’re really relevant to your life is when your mind seeks to re-create or re-live something from the past. In other words, you’re the only that continues to make them feel like a relevant part of your life. I know that may be a bit disheartening at first but it’s also extremely liberating. Why? Because it means that this is only as much of a problem as you allow it to be. So why does your mind continue to make you relive all these experiences? Well, there are two main reasons…

Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

1) One is to get some sort of “closure” or “completion” around the issue That’s what your mind needs in order to adjust and be in “harmony” with this new change in your life. 2) The second reason your mind keeps forcing you to relive things from the past is in attempt to maintain some sort of HARMONY with how things used to be. Essentially, it’s like a balancing act for your mind. So you need to approach the situation with this level of understanding because it will help you develop patience (which is a key ingredient to healing a broken heart) Whatever you do, don’t get frustrated with yourself for thinking about them. Like I said, it’s natural to do that but you don’t want to get pulled by that frustration because that just makes the problem worse. Because what happens is you think about them and then you create a secondary problem by judging yourself for thinking about them and then getting frustrated with yourself.

If you find yourself thinking about them, don’t resist it… redirect it. This is something that I’ll talk about again in a later section of the program and it’s rooted in the idea that what you resist, persists. This is actually a quote by a famous psychologist named Carl Jung. “What you resist, persists.” Think about that for a second… When you resist something, you actually end up “feeding it” and giving it energy. So you don’t want to resist it, you want to EMBRACE it. Embrace the fact that the thoughts are coming up for you and realize that this is normal and healthy. When the thoughts come up, just catch yourself and go: “oh, I’m thinking about my ex again. this is what happens, this is my period of relationship rehab. I’m in the no contact phase so what good is it to think about them right now if I don’t plan on contacting them? That’s just another way of dragging out the suffering. I don’t want that so I’m going to choose to let go of it right now” Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

And here’s the kicker… Just because you do that once doesn’t mean the problem is solved. In fact, it’s probably going to come up again and again… in a few minutes, in a few hours, or even in a few days or weeks. You have to be okay with that and allow yourself the permission to drift off. However, when you catch yourself drifting off, you have to consciously get your mind back on track. If you’ve studied or practiced any kind of meditation, yoga or eastern philosophy, you’ll understand that this is the nature of the mind. It drifts; it thinks about things, and it basically just doesn’t want to be “still.” It’s kind of like an untrained monkey (which is how they describe it in various disciplines of Eastern Philosophy). It constantly drifts off and wanders and you have to patiently bring it back to the present, knowing that this is all part of the process. So if you catch yourself thinking about your ex, calmly bring your mind back to whatever you were doing before you got off track. In other words, don’t beat yourself up for drifting off and thinking about them! Just kindly redirect your mind back to what you were doing before you got distracted. This is the foundation of the new approach that I’m going to teach you. It’s the underlying mindset that you absolutely MUST have in order to succeed with this. Now, I’m going to teach you a special technique that you can actually use in conjunction with this mindset in order to help you stop thinking about your ex. However, this underlying mindset is absolutely critical. Without it, you’ll just end up generating even MORE pain and suffering. Why? Because instead of applying the technique that I’m about to share with you, you’re going to get carried away with thoughts of frustration, self-judgment, and self-loathing. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

In other words, you’re not going to be in the right state of mind to remember and apply the technique that I’m about to share with you. You’ll be too preoccupied with other counterproductive thoughts to do the productive thing that you know you need to do in that moment. That’s why I’m making an extra effort to really hammer down on the importance of this mindset before I share the technique with you. It will help you develop the patience that you need to have throughout the process. And guess what? Getting over a break up is a process. I’ve done my best to help you accelerate that process by sharing some of the most powerful things that I’ve discovered after going through the process myself. However, there’s no “quick-fix” for the actual process. You have to go through it. However, I’m giving you the shortcut to getting through that process as quickly and easily as possible, with the minimum of suffering and resistance. With that said, I’m going to ahead and share the technique that I promised to give you.

The Rubber Band Technique This is a technique that I use with a lot of my clients in my private practice and it’s one of the many techniques that I share in my advanced break-up recovery course. In fact, I actually have an entire section in there on how to stop thinking about your ex where I share tons of different techniques just like this. If you’re interested, I’ll tell you a little bit more about it at the end of this report. For now, I want to teach you exactly how to do this technique. Cool? Alright, so here’s how to do it…. 1) Wear a really thick rubber band on your wrist. 2) Then, as soon as you start thinking about your ex, pull that sucker back and snap yourself. Do it hard enough so that it hurts. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

I’ll explain why this is so powerful in just a second. First, I need to make a disclaimer… Disclaimer: I am NOT recommending that you hurt yourself in ANY other way aside from using a silly little rubber hand. If you have ANY suicidal thoughts at all, please contact a mental health professional immediately and get help. Seriously. There is no circumstance where self-harm is okay. Now, let’s get back to the rubber-band technique… The reason I am advising you to snap yourself with a rubber band anytime you think about your ex is because you don’t realize that you’re actually causing yourself pain when you think about your ex. It’s so common, second-nature, and habitual that you don’t even realize that you’re doing it. Sure, on one hand, you do and you get that it’s not really doing you any good. However, we don’t actually get the depth to which this habit is causing us to suffer. We are literally putting ourselves through pain by doing this. We just don’t realize it because it’s more of a psychological and emotional pain than a physical one. So what this technique does is it actually associates PHYSICAL PAIN with the horribly unconstructive habit that is causing you EMOTIONAL and PSYCHOLOGICAL PAIN. While this may seem simple at first, it’s actually rooted in a fundamental principle in NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming). Two fundamental principles actually; one is the idea of “pattern-interruption” and the other is called “anchoring” I’ll explain how this all works in just a second… So what you’re doing here is you’re actually INTERRUPTING the pattern of thinking about your ex by snapping the rubber band. Then, you’re ANCHORING that pattern with physical pain. In other words, you’re associating that pattern with a real, physical sensation that is very unpleasant. Then, by using a couple other really advanced techniques from NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) - you can actually REPORGRAM YOUR MIND in that very moment to prevent those thoughts from arising in the future. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

This is something that I actually cover in much greater depth in my advanced course, The Breakthrough Breakup Method. However, I’ll give you a little sneak peak of it here to illustrate what I mean. To be perfectly honest with you, I wasn’t actually planning to go into it here because I didn’t want to make this section too long (especially since I already recorded a separate video on this exact topic in my advanced course). But since I’m in a good mood today, I decided to share it with you here too so that I really over-deliver on everything I promised to you when you purchased this program. So with that said, I’m going to share one of the most powerful techniques that I share in my advanced course. This one technique alone has literally helped thousands of people from all around the world so promise me that you’re actually going to use it, okay? PS: what’s really cool about the technique I’m about to share is that you can actually use it in conjunction with the “rubber band” technique that I just shared with you. I’ll explain how in just a second. So after you break the pattern with the rubber band technique, all you have to do is repeat the following statement outloud:

“Our Lives No Longer Intersect And That’s Not Something That My Thoughts Can Affect” This is a powerful affirmation that will install a positive new belief in your mind that will ACCELERATE your recovery process. The more you repeat this, the more you “engrain” it into your mind. And the more engrained it is in your brain, the easier it will be for you to accept it. I call this the process of “re-training your brain” So the next time you’re doing something and you suddenly notice yourself getting sidetracked by thoughts of your ex, just snap the rubber band to break the pattern. (Don’t worry about looking weird… just do it!) Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

After that, reprogram your mind by saying the following affirmation outloud: “Our lives no longer intersect and that’s not something that my thoughts can affect.” This shifts your psychology and helps you accept that the relationship is over, while simultaneously reinforcing the fact that this pattern is not doing you any good. Not only is not doing you any good, it’s actually hurting you and causing you more pain! So do your best to accept it and redirect it every time it comes up so that you can “retrain your brain” Anyway, that’s just one quick little technique that I talk about in my advanced course. It’s extremely powerful on its own but it works even better when you combine with some of the other cutting-edge techniques that I share in my advanced course. So if you’re still struggling to get over your ex and you want to learn how to get them out of your head as FAST as possible, I highly recommend getting my advanced course. You can learn more about it here: www.breakthrougbreakupmethod.com The advanced course will drastically ACCELERATE your recovery process and it’ll also go into much more depth about a whole wide range of other topics like: -

What to do if you find out your ex is seeing someone else (and how to overcome all the feelings of jealousy, hurt and betrayal)

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How to stop beating yourself about all things you should’ve done (once you learn this trick, you’ll never drive yourself crazy thinking about all the things that happened and you’ll finally stop wasting your time analyzing all the things you could’ve done differently)

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How to let go of any anger or resentment you have towards your ex

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You’ll learn exactly what to do if you and your ex still work together

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You’ll even learn what to do if you and your ex have kids together

I go into this, and much, much more in the advanced course. There’s simply no way for me to explain everything that I cover here but if you want to learn more, just click the link below to check it out:  www.breakthrougbreakupmethod.com Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

The Breakthrough Breakup Method This is a course that I am continuously revising and updating based on the feedback that I get from all of you. The Break Up Cure is the core course, it sets the foundation for the recovery process and shows you exactly what to do to move forward. Since I’ve released it, I’ve gotten hundreds of emails from people telling me how this material has changed their life and helped them get over their ex. However, I also got hundreds of emails from folks who encountered some “bumps” along the way (which is totally normal) That’s why I also make myself available for private sessions, so that I can get on the phone with them and help them breakthrough whatever is keeping them stuck. However, at one point, I started getting more emails than I could even keep up with and I found myself repeating many of the same things over and over again. That’s when I decided to compile all the stuff that I was sharing with my private clients into an ADVANCED course that addressed all the “bumps” on “The Road to Recovery.” In this course, I outline the entire “roadmap to recovery” I also share the 5 most critical stages of getting over a break up. These are the 5 stages that every person MUST go through in order to get over their ex and move on with their life… without carrying around any baggage from their past relationship. After I outline the entire process step-by-step, I address all the different roadblocks that you’ll encounter along the way. That way, you can breakthrough all the stumbling blocks and keep moving forward, without constantly taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back. And that’s why I call it The Breakthrough Breakup Method; it’s designed to help you breakthrough whatever’s keeping you stuck so that you can finally move on with your life… without constantly thinking about your ex. You can learn more about it here: www.breakthrougbreakupmethod.com

Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

You’ll Get FREE Updates for Life and You’ll Also Get Access To All The Fresh New Insights I Get From Working With My Private Clients The really cool thing about the “advanced course” is that I’m constantly updating it with new reports and videos based on the issues that I encounter with my private clients. When I’m working with my clients in private, I am constantly taking notes on all their struggles and issues so that I can be as effective as humanly possible in helping them every week. (If you’ve ever had a session with me, you’ve already experienced this first hand). If not, and you’d like to have a session sometime, here’s how you can reach out to us: What I think is kind of cool and also really unique about me and my programs is that I create ALL of them based on what I experience in working with my private clients. I take a crazy amount of notes and then I create new materials for my advanced course based on these EXACT notes. In other words, I take the issues that my clients are experiencing and I turn them into books and videos to help others who are having the same challenges. That’s why you find a lot of my information so “spot on” As you can see, it’s not just a bunch of theory or vague common sense advice that you’ll find in a lot of self-help books. It’s all based on REAL issues that people from all around the world are actually facing on a daily basis. That’s what makes it so beneficial and applicable to you and your situation. This is the standard of quality and service that I maintain in ALL my courses. So if you’ve liked this program and you want to get a more “in-depth” and advanced course that outlines exactly what to do to get through it as quickly and easily as possible, I HIGHLY recommend getting my advanced course. I don’t want to spend a bunch of time trying to sell this to you in a long 30 minute video like I did for this course. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

Instead, I’m just going to give you an irresistible that you can’t help but say “yes” to. I’ll give you 50% OFF the regular price of course and I’ll even include 3 special bonuses that are normally worth over $300 dollars. Here’s where you can get all the details: www.breakthroughbreakupmethod.com Like I said, I don’t want to spend a bunch of time trying to communicate the value of this to you. Hopefully, you trust me by now and see first-hand that I deliver the goods. So if you like this, I guarantee that you’ll like the advanced course. You can get it here: www.breakthroughbreakupmethod.com

Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

Section 7:

Learning a Lesson from Your Relationship Hey, what’s going on? It’s Kevin here. In this section, I want to talk about how to extract some really valuable life lessons from your relationship. I believe that relationships are single-handedly the #1 greatest vehicle for personal growth. Nothing forces you to reflect on who you are (and how you are) more than being in a relationship with someone. Why? Because when you’re sharing your life with someone on such a close and intimate basis, it really puts everything you got to the test. If you have any issues or insecurities, they will come to the surface during your relationship. There’s a really great quote by Barbara DeAngelis, a famous author who was actually one of my personal coaches and mentors. She said, “Love is like a big magnifying class” – it creates just enough safety for all your past wounds to come out. The deep intimacy is what brings this stuff to the surface. And ironically, the closer you get, the more stuff comes out. I know that’s not really a pleasant truth to deal with but it just is what it is. So, it’s important to stop and view your relationship from this perspective and see what there is to learn from it. The sad truth of the matter is that most people do NOT do this. They don’t truly learn from the mistakes they made in their past relationship, and as a result, they just keep playing out the same pattern in all their future relationships. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

The question is: why do we do this? Why don’t we take the time to actually learn from our relationships? I think the main reason we don’t stop to learn from what happened is because it’s uncomfortable. It forces you to look at yourself and how you contributed to the problems in your relationship, which is never easy to do. But even more importantly… it forces you to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY That’s a big and scary word for a lot of people. So what do we do instead? Most of us play what I like to call “the blame game”

The Blame Game Instead of taking the responsibility or seeing what we did to contribute to the breakup, we just point our finger at our ex and making them out to be the bad guy, the bitch, the asshole, etc. Then, we go on this huge self-righteous parade and we rally all our friends against them. We tell everyone what they did and how wrong they were. And sure, that’s fine. I get why we do that. It gives us some relief to hear other people tell us that that we’re right and that we really deserve better anyway. Although that does help to a certain degree, it only helps you temporarily (and it actually hurts you in the long run) Why? Because when we do this, we feel like we were “right” and they were “wrong” and so we never really stop to look at things from a difference perspective. Therefore, we never truly learn from it. We either end up picking the same kind of partner in the future or we end up making the same mistakes in our future relationships.

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Well, since I’m not just a friend that will listen to your side of story and agree with you just because I’m your friend, I want to challenge you to actually look at how you may have contributed to the dynamic in your relationship. Remember, it takes two to tango. They may have been the one that cheated, or they may have been the one that did something wrong but the truth is that you accepted it for as long as you did. So even if you are totally innocent (which I doubt you are), the fact is that you tolerated the dysfunctions, the problems, and the drama for as long as you did. So it’s important to stop and look at why you tolerated it as long as you did so that you can learn from it and make sure you have a better way of dealing with it in the future. I mentioned this in the very first section of this program when I said: “A person’s self-esteem is directly correlated to how long they stay in a relationship that is giving them less than what they truly deserve” For example: someone that has high self-esteem; who knows what they want and what they’re worth – usually doesn’t settle for less than what they truly deserve. They also don’t tolerate toxic or dysfunctional behavior for very long. They set healthy boundaries and they don’t accept toxic behavior. If you accepted toxic behavior in your relationship, here’s a clue: It may have something to do with your self-worth. That’s just one little insight that may help you extract a lesson from your relationship It may also reveal some things that you need to work on before getting into another one. Trust me, there are millions of other things that you can learn from it too. It really all depends on why you guys broke up. Unfortunately, I can’t possibly cover all the reasons that you and your ex may have broke up in just this one section alone. Relationships are unique and people breakup for a variety of reasons. However, although relationships are unique, they also have a lot of commonalities. After working with hundreds of people, I realized that there are really only so many things that can actually go wrong in a relationship.

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Sure, there are a lot of things that can create hurt feelings and upsets but there are only a select few things that actually cause people to leave a relationship. A lot of my clients really struggle with seeing what it really was that caused their partner to break up with them. A lot of women often ask me… “How can he just suddenly disappear without saying anything? I didn’t see any signs or anything. He just left and I’m stuck without any answers. What happened?” They spend a lot of time obsessing over what happened, hoping he’ll call and give them some sort of explanation or closure. A lot of men spend every single day and night analyzing everything that happened in the relationship, reading into every situation, trying to figure out what happened and where they went wrong. A lot of times, they’ll get so fixated on all the surface level reasons that their ex gave them for leaving that they don’t ever really understand the deeper underlying reasons for why they left. They think that if they could just somehow fix the reasons their ex gave them, everything would be fine again. And then some men never get any real reasons at all. They just remember their exgirlfriend being really negative, bitchy and difficult to deal with for a few weeks or months before the relationship ended. They noticed them being less affectionate, not laughing at their jokes anymore, and not wanting to have sex anymore. Yet, they couldn’t seem to understand why. Anytime they would try to talk to their ex or get an answer out of them, they would just get even more frustrated. Or sometimes they would just give them some sort of vague answer that didn’t really make any sense After talking to lots of people and dissecting all the little details of their unique situation, I was able to help them understand what really happened in the relationship and where it fell off course. But even more importantly, I helped them learn from it so that they don’t make the same mistakes again in the future. Now, I used to only be able to do this with clients in my private practice. But as more and more people started coming to me for advice, I didn’t have enough time in my schedule to help each individual person with their specific situation. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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So what I decided to do was create an advanced course called: Why Your Ex Left (And What You Need to Learn From It) In this course, I go into the 10 most common reasons that cause people to break up. Then in part two, I go into what you need to learn from it so that you can become the kind of person that no man or woman would ever think about leaving. To learn more about this course, just go to www.WhyYourExLeft.com There’s actually two separate courses … one for men and one for women. If you’re interested in learning more about where your relationship went off course and what you could have done to save it, I’d highly recommend checking it out. If you just want to learn from your mistakes so you know what to do in the future, I’d highly recommend checking it out too. After all, it’s a lot better to learn from it now so that you never have to go through this kind of pain ever again Here’s the link where you can get it =>www.WhyYourExLeft.com This course will give you an “inside-look” at what went wrong in your relationship, what you can learn from it, and what to do so you don’t end up repeating the same mistakes in your future relationships. It also goes much deeper into why men just suddenly leave disappear out of the blue and how to become the kind of woman that no man would EVER want to leave. I also cover why women suddenly lose attraction and start acting cold and distant in a relationship (and what you can do to KEEP her interest so that she never gets bored and leaves you for someone else). To get this course, just go to www.WhyYourExLeft.com Here’s an email that I got from someone that actually went through the course:

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It’s great that even someone who is 48 can look back and see where they went wrong. Yet, at the same time, it’s also kind of sad that they had to sabotage 3 separate relationships before they finally decided to learn what they were doing wrong. One of my mentors and coaches had a great saying that said: “You can leave a person without leaving the pattern” – Barbara DeAngelis Unfortunately, this guy played out the exact same pattern in every single relationship. Plus, each relationship was probably somewhere between 1 year to 5 years, which means that he spent somewhere between 5-15 years of his life completely unconscious to what he was doing. Pretty scary thought, right? That’s almost a decade! Luckily, he still has a few good dating years left (as he said in his message) Hopefully he’ll find someone new and use what he learned in my course to make sure that his next relationship actually lasts. By the way, if you find yourself struggling with a lot of the same issues that you had in your past relationships, I honestly cannot recommend this course highly enough. Make sure you get it and learn what you do to sabotage your relationships so that you don’t end up doing it again in the future. To get this course, just go to www.WhyYourExLeft.com There’s a great quote that I share in that course that says: “A change in circumstances without a change in self simply recreates the same circumstances in a different situation” Pretty crazy, huh? Look, I don’t want you to have to repeat the same mistakes in your future relationships. I want your next relationship to be different… radically different. That’s why I think it’s so crucial for you to get this course and learn everything there is to know about relationships. After all, that’s the purpose of the relationships that don’t last, right? To help us learn. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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No relationship is ever a waste of time; the wrong ones teach you the lessons that prepare you for the right ones. Unfortunately, most people just write these experiences off as “failed relationships” They just place all the blame on their partner and say they weren’t “the right one” Then, they immediately try to meet someone else, hoping to find “the one” The person who would treat them right and give them everything they deserve. Yet, they never stop to think about what they need to do in order to actually attract that kind of person into their life. They just focus on finding “the one” rather than becoming the kind of person that would attract the one. Or even worse, they just throw themselves back out there out of desperation. They immediately move on to the next, desperately trying to find someone new to mask the empty void they feel inside. Instead of truly dealing with it, they just try to cover it up with someone new. Not only is this completely unfair and misleading to the person you’re using as a rebound, it’s also extremely destructive to you. Sure, it may cover up the pain temporarily (which might make you feel like it’s helping) However, it’s really only hurting you in the long run. Why? Because it’s preventing you from actually stopping to reflect on what happened. You’re so consumed with trying to find someone else to solve all your problems that you have no time to actually stop and think. And when you do think about the relationship, it’s usually only in the context of how this new person you met is nothing like your ex or how you just don’t feel that special connection with them. No shit! You just met them. How are you supposed to feel that type of connection right away? Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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That took you years to develop. Plus, you’re not really over your ex yet so you how can you even expect to have the space to feel that way about anyone else? Right now, you don’t have the space to feel that level of love and connection. Your ex still occupies a part of your hear.t You have to heal your broken heart and untangle yourself from your ex if you ever want to fall in love again. You actually have to open up a space in your heart to love someone else. I show you how to do this in my advanced course on How to Find Love Again If you want to learn more about it, email me at [email protected] In any case, it’s important to consciously heal right after a break up before you throw yourself back out there. Otherwise, you’ll just end up attracting a bunch of users and abusers that are unconsciously dating in order to avoid facing their own relationship disasters. Yet, this is what so many of us do. Why? Because most people aren’t willing to do the not-so-pretty task of looking at what they did wrong. They don’t really challenge themselves to learn from their relationships. They just get angry and bitter towards their ex (and often towards the opposite sex as a whole) Newsflash: a bitter attitude about love is not a very pretty trait to someone who’s actually ready to love you with every part of their being. In fact, you’ll end up pushing them away. So please do whatever you can to heal and learn from it now so that this doesn’t happen to you. It takes a great deal of maturity and self-awareness to be able to do this. And sometimes, it’s not very pleasant. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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When people actually stop and reflect on what they did wrong in the relationship, they often get bogged down by guilt. They start beating themselves up for all the mistakes they made and they self-sabotage themselves. No wonder why so many of us avoid it! And it’s because of that very reason that so many of us end up playing out the exact same patterns in all our future relationships. Then, after that relationship goes to shit too, we just jump back on to their self-righteous parade, proclaiming that all women are bitches and all guys are assholes. We rally up everyone we can on our side, whining and complaining to all our friends about how all women are bitches and how all men are assholes. We go on and on about how life is unfair and why this always happens to us. I know because I’ve been there. And let me tell you, it’s a crappy place to be. Like I said earlier, it helps us cope with the situation temporarily. It serves its purpose. However, it doesn’t serve your highest purpose I believe that relationships are meant to serve your highest purpose: To learn, to grow, and contribute to others. I want to make sure you do that so that you can extract all the valuable lessons from this relationship. I also want to make sure that you use these lessons to have even better relationships in the future.

I don’t just want to help you survive the breakup… I want to help you thrive in life

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I want to make sure you learn everything there is to know from this relationship so that your next one isn’t plagued by all the same patterns that caused this one to fail. And even more importantly, I want to make sure that you never find yourself feeling so weak and hopeless EVER again. I want you to become the kind of man that no woman would ever think of leaving. I want you to become the kind of woman that can keep a man addicted forever. I want you to become such an amazing person that anyone would be stupid to walk away from you. But even more importantly, I want you to feel so amazing and wonderful about yourself that even if someone does leave you, you’ll be okay with yourself, knowing there’s plenty of people out there that will actually WANT to be with you. I know that might sound too good to be true right now or it may seem like it’s a very distant reality. That’s okay. It was a really distant reality for me too... until I actually went through this experience myself and had to learn all this stuff the hard way. After that, I took all the best lessons I learned and I compiled them into a series of courses to help people get through it faster. And here you are now, reaping all the benefits of my pain and suffering :) Why? Because one day, I decided to turn my wounds into wisdom. I decided to extract all the lessons I could possibly learn from this experience so that I could grow and become a better person. And today, I want to help you do the same. I want to help you learn everything there is to know about relationships so that you have what it takes to make the next one last. What I’ve done is I’ve actually compiled all the best lessons I’ve learned about love and relationships into an in-depth course that reveals what it really takes to make a relationship work. It’s called: Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

Why Your Ex Left & What You Need To Learn From It In this course, I reveal the 10 most common reasons that causes people to break up (and how to get through them so that you can maintain a happy, lasting relationship) If you want to learn more, just click the link below: => http://www.WhyYourExLeft.com By the way, if you’ve had a hard time getting closure or understanding why your relationship ended, there’s a good chance this program will reveal the answer to you. Plus, I’ll teach you everything you need to know to get through the tough times and make your next relationship LAST. If you want to learn why your ex left and what it REALLY takes to make a relationship work, I highly recommend checking this out. => http://www.WhyYourExLeft.com

Want My Personal Advice on Your Situation? If you want to get my advice on your specific situation, the best thing to do is to setup a private session with me. Just call my office at (312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected] After you reach out to us, my assistant will get back to you within 24-48 hours to setup a time for us to talk. Disclaimer: due to the overwhelming amount of requests I get, I cannot personally talk to everyone that wants my advice. However, we always get back to people within 24-48 hours so go ahead and reach out to us and my assistant will let you know what times I have available. I’m usually pretty booked up but even if I’m totally booked for the week, they should still be able to get you in very soon. Just call us at (312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected]

Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

Section 8:

Getting Closure Hey, what’s going on? It’s Kevin here, and today, I want to talk about a crucial step in the recovery process: getting closure. A lot of you have reached out to me after going through the last section of the program, letting me know that the technique I shared has really helped you stop thinking about your ex. Many of you said that you’ve been using it throughout the day, the rubber band technique as well as the affirmation that I shared to help reprogram your mind. If you haven’t checked it out yet, make sure you watch or read the section on how to stop thinking about your ex. It’ll really help you. It won’t get them out of your head completely but it’ll give you something you can do to stop the thoughts from dragging out and turning into minutes and hours of suffering. If you use this technique consistently, you’ll just have some fleeting thoughts here and there because you’ll now have control over it and you’ll be able to stop it. A couple people have asked me… “What will it take for to make the thoughts go away completely?” This is something that I talk about a lot in my advanced course, how to shift things on a deeper level so that you can actually let go and create a permanent change. That’s what I want to talk to you about today. I’m going to share a bit more of the advanced materials that I got in The Breakthrough Breakup Method course to help you understand how to eliminate the thoughts for good. If you want to get them out of your head completely, first you need to understand the inner-working of your mind (which is what gives life to the thoughts). Don’t worry though, I’ll illustrate how it works with just one simple analogy so that it’s easy to understand. So I want you to think of your life like a tree. A tree has roots and it also has fruits.

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Well, the fruits are your thoughts and the roots are the unresolved emotions that cause your thoughts to arise. So for example… that thought you have about the place you guys went together, that time in the beginning of the relationship that you keep thinking back to, etc. These are all different fruits that grow on the tree. Well, if you want the fruits to stop growing, you don’t do it by knocking the fruits off the tree with a broom or by trying to cut down all the branches. That doesn’t stop it from growing new fruits. To actually get rid of all the fruits (and stop them from growing), you have to go in and PULL OUT THE ROOTS That requires a lot more deep and advanced work, which is what my advanced course is all about. If you want to get my advanced course and learn how to get your ex out of your head for good, you can get it here: => www.breakthroughbreakupmethod.com In the meantime, I want to give you a little sneak peak of some of the stuff that I share in the advanced course that will help you get down to the roots. That way you can pull those suckers out so that the fruits stop growing automatically. If you can get down to the roots and if you can handle the core issue, the fruits (or the thoughts) will just naturally stop growing on their own. Sure, you may still need to beat off a fruit or two that are still hanging around but these are just dead fruits. You won’t have a bunch of new ones growing if you truly heal things from the inside out. In order to get down to the roots though, you need to understand where these thoughts are really coming from and why they keep coming up. One of the main reasons that thoughts of your ex keeps coming up, causing you to worry and overthink things is because of a LACK OF CLOSURE. Your mind overprocesses things in order to try to make sense of things. This is its way of getting completion and coming to peace with what happened. That’s a big reason why we randomly dream about our ex, which is something that I talk a lot about in my advanced course as well. If you’re having repeated dreams about your ex, make sure you grab that to learn how to process it correctly so that it stops. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

In the meantime, I want to help you deal with the #1 source that causes all those thoughts to arise in the first place, which is the lack of closure and completion. I’m going to share a powerful technique with you below that will help you get much more closure and completion with the break up. It’s called:

The Complete Closure Method Once you go through the process that I’m about to share with you, you will find that you start thinking about your ex a lot less. Why? Because you’re actually handling it at the “root” level with this one. Now, you can’t expect this ONE technique to pull out ALL the roots. It takes some deeper work to be able to do that, which is why I created my advanced course: The Breakthrough Breakup Method. If you’re interested, you can get it here => Regardless of whether you decide to get it or not, I want you to know that just this one technique alone will help you tackle a lot of the core roots that cause all those fruits to keep growing. If you find that you need to do more work to clear it out later, you can get my advanced course or just call my office to set up a session with me. In the meantime, I want to give you a technique that you can use right away. So here’s how you do it: You write a letter to your ex voicing everything you’re feeling, as well as all the things that have been hurting you and causing you suffering. By allowing yourself to express that, you’re able to get it out of your system. However, if you DON’T do this, you end up carrying it around with you. And over time, it’ll turn into this big emotional burden that’s always on your shoulder. Doing this exercise gives you the opportunity to dump all your “baggage” out on paper so that you can finally release it from your system. Once you do, you’ll experience an incredible sense of relief. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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I’ve made every single one of my clients go through this exercise because it’s literally THAT powerful. PS: you don’t actually need to send them this letter. After all, that would breach the no contact contract you made with yourself in the last section. The point of writing this is really just to get it completely out of your system. What you choose to do with it after that is up to you. The important part is the actual healing process that you go through as you write it all out. Through the process, you’ll give yourself the closure and completion you’ve been looking for all this time. So here’s how to do it: Imagine that you are writing a “good-bye” letter The goal of this letter is to release anything you might still be holding onto. This is a way for you to part ways and say your goodbyes. Use this as an opportunity to tie up any loose ends and say anything that was left unsaid. This is your last opportunity to say it. Say it now or forever hold your peace. Ask yourself: 1) Was there anything that you wanted to tell your ex? 2) Are there any words or feelings trapped inside that you need to get out? The best way to let them out is through this letter. Use this letter to “purge” everything inside of you right now. After that, you’ll be able to move on freely. Remember: the goal of this is to get a sense of “emotional release” so don’t leave anything out.

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Writing Your Goodbye Letter 1) Write it as if you were talking to them directly 2) Be honest and compassionate 3) Consider including some of the following points -

Come clean with things you haven’t said to them

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Apologize for anything you did

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Share what you’ve learned with them

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Thank them

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Tell them what you appreciate about them

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Share what you enjoyed most about your relationship

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Tell them what you got from the time you spent together

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Forgive them for anything they may have done to hurt you

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Wish them the best in the future

When you’re done… Sign the letter with the time and date Close it with a kind ending like “Love Always” Either print it out or fold it up (depending on whether you wrote or typed it) If you typed it, print 2 copies. Take the 1st copy and store it away somewhere where you won’t see it. You want to keep one copy of it so that you can look back on it later. Take the 2nd copy and burn it But don’t just burn it, let the burning be a symbolic experience for you. As you watch it burn… 1) Let it mark the end to a chapter in your life. 2) Experience a sense of closure as you see it light up in flames Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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3) Feel a sense of relief as you look at the ashes that remain. I know all of this may sound a little corny initially but if you found all the other exercises in the course helpful, this one is going to be just as effective (if not the most effective) Even if you don't burn it, the act of writing the letter and consciously purging all of the emotions that are trapped inside of you is actually very therapeutic. I’d actually put this up there as one of the most powerful techniques in the course, along with the EFT technique. In fact, I would even rank it above that technique in some ways. They all serve their own unique purpose for each stage of the recovery process. This is the best method for coping with the loss at this stage so I highly recommend that you do it. There’s lots of great ideas in this program but this one is a MUST do. Seriously. If you’re the type that would normally just read over it and move on to the next section make sure you actually stop and do this one. You’ll thank me later. What are you waiting for? Take out a piece of paper and do it. It’ll give you a ton of relief…. I promise. PS: I’ve actually included a copy of the letter I wrote below for you to read. Why? Because I want you to see that this isn’t just a bunch of nice-sounding advice to read and agree with. That doesn’t actually help you feel better. What helps you feel better is actually applying this exercise in your own life. That’s why I included a copy of my letter to show you how I applied this exercise in my own life and the amazing impact it had on my healing. I wanted to show you that I actually live what I teach and I only recommend things to you that I’ve done myself. After experiencing the benefit first hand, I decided to share it with others and now I’ve had thousands of clients go through this exact same process. Why? Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Because it flat out WORKS In fact, just reading my letter will probably resonate so much with you that it will give you a ton of closure and relief on its own. However, the true closure will come from doing it yourself. So go ahead and do this exercise. And if at any point you feel stumped or you need some ideas to get the juices flowing, just read the letter below to see how I did. Just don’t get caught up thinking there’s a “right way” to do it and then not do it at all. There’s no “right way” to do it… the right way is whatever way gives you the most relief. Got it?

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My Closure Letter: hi julie, i saw ashley yesterday and I happened to listen to spoonfull tonight and they both reminded me of you. listening to him was a totally different experience now. it almost didn’t even feel like I was listening to music but like I was reliving a part of my life. it brought back a lot of the memories we had and it really gave me a glimpse of how i was at the time and how i saw the world. it’s so crazy to see how much i’ve grown. honestly, i had a hard time even identifying with a lot of the things that were coming up for me… i was just like… kevin… are you serious? i really cared about you but i was nowhere near capable of being in a healthy or functional relationship. now that i think about it, that’s a really good summary for both of us haha don’t get me wrong we had a lot of great times together, but there were also times where we were just downright destructive to one another. i could go on forever about all the things that just seem so ridiculous now that I look back on it but for the sake of simplicity - sorry for all my childish bullshit. as I look back, there are SO many things I would have done differently. but if I could go back in time and change just ONE thing, it would be my ability to take the time to REALLY understand you in every situation. And I mean TRULY understand the real reason behind whatever you’re saying instead of just taking it at face value and getting defensive. i actually thought i understood you… lol i might have logically but i didn’t truly understand shit. i was too caught up in my own world to really step in your shoes and understand you, let alone act with compassion. a lot of the times I’d get too carried away in my own reactions to really understand how you felt or why you felt that way. Sure, I may have acknowledged parts of it but I don’t think I truly understood it. if I really understood you, it would have shown in my actions. I would have taken the feelings that I supposedly understood into consideration before saying or doing something. it really doesn’t matter if i agree or disagree with what you were feeling, it’s not my job to criticize you or tell you what’s wrong or right or try to “fix” you or change you in any way. my only job was to love you and i did… i just didn’t know how to love when things got really rough and that’s when it mattered the most. i always tried to respect what you were feeling by taking the time to understand why you felt that way but I failed to get the full meaning out of it and actually respond with compassion. I should have accepted you fully as you are instead of resenting that part of you and wanting to change it. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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it really wasn’t my place to try to solve your problems for you, i’d actually be robbing you of the opportunity to mature and grow for yourself by doing that but I think guys are just naturally problem solvers so to us that’s perfectly rational. identify the problem, get to the root of it and find the cause, and then try to solve it. I’ve learned that women aren’t like that. in fact, that’s the complete opposite of what you actually wanted and needed in that moment. all i had to do was listen and truly understand you and love you no matter what. that’s real love. accepting every part of a person and loving them unconditionally. that would’ve been a much better approach but unfortunately for both of us, i wasn’t mature enough to do that.... i was just a self centered boy consumed by love. now that I’ve matured, I’m able to understand you, and all women, much better. I now realize that understanding is by far the most important thing you can do and most guys simply don’t realize it even if you tell them word for word. Hell, you beat me over the head with it during our entire relationship and I just didn’t get it. I guess it’s one of those things that you really gotta learn for yourself. i think it’s a concept that very few men ever truly grasp and I’m glad to be one of them. after playing spoonfull again tonight, it reminded me of our first night together, and ya know, all the good memories associated with that. It also lead me to remember how music was our thing… which reminded me of the time i was too busy being a defensive lil bitch to really understand that you felt hurt when i wrote on maggies wall saying good music or whatever i said. you understood i had no intentions of doing anything with her and i understood why you felt hurt by what I said to her, but i was too immature to actually accept responsibility for what I did and consider your feelings. In other words, i didn’t truly understand you. that example is totally random and it’s pretty irrelevant and insignificant in the grand scheme of things but it was basically the same story over and over with different details in every situation. every time you said ___ or complained about ___ , i was too immature and self centered to realize that you felt hurt, scared, afraid, unloved, or just didn’t feel like you can trust me. and you know what? i don’t blame you in any way. if i was in your shoes and had all the experiences you had, i would have felt the same way and done the exact same thing... just like if you were in my shoes and had the same experiences i had, you would have acted the same way as well. i really wish i knew the importance of true compassion back then but oh well, you live and you learn. experience is a tough teacher and sometimes you gotta learn things the hard way so thank you for the experience. thanks for every complaint and every test you threw at me. i cluelessly failed one after another, which only made things worse. but as i look back on it now, i realize that it was all worth it. i couldn’t do anything about the fact that i just didn’t know any better at the time but at least now i can say i do. i now realize that you were in my life for a reason. you really helped me learn a lot of things about myself that I never knew before. and that’s what relationships are really for after all, Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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right? to help you grow and experience yourself in ways that you wouldn’t be able to do if you were alone. any relationship that facilitates the growth and development of both people is a success in my opinion. anything that differs from that is just a judgment about the situation and usually a sign that the person has not truly derived a lesson from their experience. even if the relationship is a “failure” in the sense that two people are no longer together, i think it’s still a success if both people have grown from the experience. i definitely have and that’s the reason i began writing this letter to you in the first place. i wanted to tell you how grateful i am for the time we spent together. having you in my life was truly a gift... one of the greatest gifts i could’ve ever asked for actually. i’m really glad we shared all the experiences we did, both good and bad. you had an incredible influence on my life and showed me a lot about myself. this experience has really inspired me to find myself and create the life I’ve always wanted. thank you once again for everything i wish you nothing but the best love always, kevin >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

As you can tell, that was a pretty raw and vulnerable thing for me to share with you. However, I decided to do it anyway because I knew that it would help you on your journey. I’ve actually had people tell me that they got a ton of relief just from reading that letter alone. Some people even asked me to share some more examples from my personal life because they could relate to so much of what I shared and wanted to hear more. So what I’ve done is I’ve actually gone back and collected all the things I wrote after the break up, both to myself and to my ex. I even copied down all the insights I wrote in my journal, with priceless lessons on life and relationships. After that, I compiled it into a private “vault of wisdom”

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Priceless Insights from My Private Vault of Wisdom This vault of wisdom contains a lot of personal stuff, as well as a lot of really great pearls of wisdom that you can apply to your own life. After being asked about it time and time again, I decided to include it as a special bonus for people who buy my advanced course on how to get over a break up. It’s called… The Breakthrough Breakup Method You can learn more about it at www.breakthrougbreakupmethod.com In this course, I go even deeper than I have here and I also share some of the best lessons I learned from over 10 years of personal experience, as well as actually working with people one-on-one. I highly recommend checking it out. You can learn more about it at www.breakthrougbreakupmethod.com

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Section 9:

Finding Forgiveness Hey, what’s going on? It’s Kevin here, and today, I want to talk to you about one of the most important steps to healing after a break up. And that is, finding forgiveness. I know forgiveness is a word that’s thrown around a lot, but I think it’s something that we really have to consciously strive to understand. They talk a lot about it in the Christian faith and various other religions, yet what does it actually mean? Well, what I’ve found is that it takes a lot of “inner work” and maturity to truly forgive others (and to really let go of any anger or resentment that we may have towards them) There’s really a great quote by Reinhold Niebuhr that said, “Forgiveness is the final form of love.” When I first heard that quote, something about it resonated with me and inspired me to look deeper into forgiveness. And it was through that process that I really discovered how important it is when it comes healing after a break up. I’ve found it to be crucial to getting over a break up. I believe that you can’t truly let go and move on until you forgive your ex. Sure, you may be able to date other people (and do whatever else moving on symbolizes to people nowadays). However, if you haven’t forgiven your ex, you’ll still be holding on to past baggage from the relationship. In other words, there will still be a negative charge around the relationship. You will carry negativity towards your past (and towards your relationship). You may even talk badly about it to others. If that’s the case, how can you say that you’re really over it? They’re no longer in your life and yet you still generate these negative feelings towards them on your own, even when it’s not really related to whatever topic you’re talking about? If that’s the case, I wouldn’t say that you’ve really let go or moved on with your life. You can’t truly let go of your ex until you forgive them for what happened I’ll take it one step further though… Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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You can’t truly move on with your life until you forgive yourself for how you acted in the relationship In other words, you want to forgive both you AND your ex for what happened. There’s an interesting challenge that comes up here for a lot of people and it’s something that I get emails about all the time. See, after we learn a lesson from the relationship, we have a tendency to get really self critical and beat ourselves up for it (which is another reason why so many people just avoid reflecting on their relationship altogether). It’s really hard to look back on your relationship and take responsibility for your part in how the relationship played out. It’s even harder to look back on it and not judge yourself for how you acted. A lot of people beat themselves for being so stupid, wondering “how could I do that!?” The worst is when they start thinking, “if only I didn’t do that thing I wouldn’t have screwed it up. I’m so dumb! Why did I do that? I wish I could go back and fix it” Let me expand on some of the stuff I just brought up here because this comes up A LOT when I’m working with people in my private practice. The reason this usually happens is because in the second phase of our work together, we begin to explore all the things that they can learn from the relationship. PS: if you’re interesting in learning what really went wrong in your relationship so that you can learn from it and not re-create the same problems in your next relationship, I have 2 different options for you. 1) You can get my advanced course to Learn Why Your Ex Left & What it Really Takes to Make a Relationship Work => www.WhyYourExLeft.com 2) You can also schedule a private session with me and we’ll do a “deep-dive” into what happened in your relationship, why it failed, and what you could have done differently. Just call us at (312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected]

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The Biggest Enemy to Your Healing One of the biggest challenges I mentioned earlier was that people get very self-critical once they finally figure out what went wrong in their relationship. This is something that I really struggled with in my own life as well. I got into a really negative pattern where I was constantly judging myself and beating myself up for all the mistakes that I made. It was really twisted because - on one hand - I was doing this really good thing by reflecting on the relationship to learn from it and extract all the wisdom I possibly could. And yet, at the same time, I was actually using this good thing AGAINST MYSELF. I was beating myself up and making myself feel shitty for all the things I did wrong. The reason I’m sharing this with you is because I think you can probably relate to it. This was probably one of the biggest challenges for me in the recovery process and it’s something that I really had to learn about… how to forgive myself. And that’s something that I actually want to touch on here as well: How to forgive yourself for all the mistakes you made. At some point, you have to realize that you just didn’t know any of this stuff at the time. You simply didn’t know any better. Maybe you just recently learned this stuff after you got my course on why your ex left and what it really takes to make relationships work. Well, you can’t go back and beat yourself up for not knowing it back then, after all you just learned this stuff now. That’s like a 3 year old kid learning how to walk and then beating himself up for the past 3 years that he crawled around as a stupid little toddler. That just is what it is. He didn’t know how to walk at the time. What do you expect? He was still developing. It’s the same thing here, except we often forget that and become really, really self-critical. I know I did. That’s something that you really have to work let go of and transcend, for your own sanity. If you don’t, all these self-critical thoughts are just going to keep coming up and you’re going to be thinking about all the things that you should have done differently. It’s going to drive you nuts and make you absolutely MISERABLE Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Forgive yourself and realize that you couldn’t have done any better at the time, given where you were at. Extend that same level of kindness and compassion to your ex as well. Realize that they were just doing the best they could too with what they knew at the time too. Maybe now they’ve learnt, may be they didn’t, who knows? Truth is, they’re probably NOT taking a course like this to help them get through it and make the most of it. They’re probably trying to brush it off and move on really quick by finding someone else. In a lot of cases, they find someone else before they even leave you. And sometimes, they never actually take the leap and decide to break up with you until they know it’s a sure thing. Sad, but true. PS: if you found out that your ex is seeing someone else from a mutual friend or from Facebook (which you’re hopefully not checking anymore) You need to learn how to deal with all the feelings that come up when you find out that your ex is seeing someone else because that’s part of what throws you into this whole loop of self-judgment and insecurity, wondering “what does he have that I don’t?” or “why is he with her and not me?” All of that really hurts your self esteem. I share the right way to handle this situation in my advanced course, as well as what to do when you got cheated on. There’s lots of really unique dynamics to those situations and I don’t want to spend too long talking about here because not everyone got cheated on and not everyone just found out that their ex is seeing someone else shortly after the break up. If you’re interested in learning more about exactly what to do in those situations, I highly suggest you checkout my advanced course on getting over a break up => www.breakthroughbreakupmethod.com I’ll actually share another little gem from my advanced course with you here just so you have some extra incentive to check it out and learn more about it :) So there’s a great quote by Buddha that says: “Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the only one that gets burned” Pretty profound, huh? No matter what your ex did to you; whether that’s cheating, lying, or whatever it may be – you have to forgive them. I know it sucks and I know it’s not right, I get it. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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But what sucks even MORE is holding on to all that anger and negativity The sad truth is that you only end up hurting yourself more by holding onto it. You have to let go of it and forgive your ex for what they did. At the end of the day, nothing your ex did can justify you carrying around an emotional burden that literally weighs you down and drains your energy. It’s one thing to be hurt by what they did but it’s another thing to ruin your life over it. So don’t let it eat away at your future. And whatever you do, don’t let it sabotage your happiness in this moment. One of the biggest ways that we sabotage our happiness, as I shared earlier, is by beating ourselves up for all the mistakes we made. You have to forgive yourself for whatever you did (or didn’t do) You need to have compassion for yourself and decide that you refuse to continue to hurt yourself this way any longer. To help you do that, I want to invite you to ask yourself this question:

What Do I Need to Forgive Myself For? As you think about that question, I want you to write some of your thoughts down. This is crucial to your recovery By writing it down, you are giving voice to your inner world and you are letting it out. After you do that, I want you to embrace a couple very key and powerful affirmations. Affirmations are simply statements that you repeat to yourself in order to “re-train your brain” I know they may seem a little strange at first but they have been proven to influence your subconscious mind and produce great results (if you do them consistently) If you think about it, it’s really no different than what they did in school when they’d make you write the same sentence over and over on the board in order to drill it into your mind. Same principle So here are 3 forgiveness affirmations to help you heal and let go. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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3 Forgiveness Affirmations 1. I deeply and completely accept myself, despite any mistakes I made in the past. 2. I forgive myself for everything that I’ve done and I love myself as I am. 3. I love myself unconditionally with all my imperfections Feel free to create your own affirmations using these as a starting point. If you make them specific to what YOU need to forgive, it’ll be 100x more powerful. Seriously. Don’t skip over this. I don’t want to overwhelm you anymore by giving you more stuff to do but I just wanted to share 1 more really important thing that I talk about a lot in my advanced course.

The “Sneaky” Trap That Can Set People Back for WEEKS & MONTHS after a Relationship Ends Feeling the need to revisit the relationship over and over in your head thinking: “now that I know what I did wrong, I can go back and fix things” Please resist the urge to do that. I know you’re starting to see stuff that you didn’t see before but the truth is that you guys probably didn’t break up just because of that ONE reason. I know you may think you’ve changed and you’re a totally different person now but the truth is, it doesn’t happen quite that fast. If it did, everyone would constantly be getting back together with their ex’s and living happily ever after. There’s probably A LOT more that caused you guys to break up than the couple things you just realized. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to discount your new-found knowledge and wisdom. Not at all. In fact, I encourage you to continue to explore it in even greater depth so that you can extract as many lessons as you possibly can from this relationship. PS: if you want to figure out the REAL reason your ex left and learn what it really takes to make a relationship work, click the link below to check out my advanced course…. http://www.WhyYourExLeft.com Whatever you do though, don’t get overeager thinking that you now know what tore you guys apart and you can go back and fix things. Once again, I’m not saying any of this to diminish what you learned or to try to discourage you from getting back with your ex. I’m just trying to help you based on what I’ve seen from years and years of experience of working with people one-on-one. So many people that I’ve worked with have rushed back to their ex’s after going through my program, believing that they finally found the missing piece and figured it all out. And now they’ve had this magical new revelation, they can go back and fix things. Well, unfortunately, it doesn’t work that easily. These brave (and naïve) souls have gotten rejected again and again by their ex’s, no matter how optimistic and hopeful they felt going into it. Not only did it SUCK to get REJECTEDAGAIN and have their hopes crushed, it actually set them back in their recovery process for a couple of weeks (and sometimes even a couple of months). Remember, rejection is a tough beast to deal with and there’s nothing worse than opening yourself up and making yourself vulnerably again… only to get shot down. That’s what I’m trying to save you from here. So please have the wisdom and understanding to realize that it would take A LOT more than just learning a few new things to get your ex back in your arms and live happily ever after. It takes work on both people’s parts. Also, please have the wisdom and understanding to see that you need to forgive your ex for anything they may have done to hurt you. But even more importantly, please have the compassion to forgive yourself for any mistakes you made. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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You both did the best you could with what you had at the time and you couldn’t possibly have expected either of you to have acted any differently. Maybe you would act differently from the place that you’re in right now, after you have gone through my program and really absorbed all this knowledge. However, you didn’t know this at the time so how could you have done things differently back then, you know? Have some compassion for yourself. Let go of any anger that you have towards yourself and let go of any anger that you have towards your ex. Free yourself from the destructive pattern of beating yourself up over and over again over something that happened in the past. It’s not doing you any good. Trust me, I know how hard this habit is to break. It was probably one of the hardest things for me to do after the break up. The good news though is that I’ve already been through it and I’m here to help if you need it. If you want to talk to me and get some insight on what you’re still holding onto, I’d be more than happy to talk to you and help you let go of it. The last thing I want is for you to spend weeks and months beating yourself up over this. If you can relate to what I shared in this section, go ahead and reach out to me and I’ll show you how to break this pattern once and for all.

How to Get My Advice on Your Situation… Just call us at (312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected] After you reach out to us, my assistant will get back to you within 24-48 hours to setup a time for us to talk. Disclaimer: due to the overwhelming amount of requests I get, I cannot personally talk to everyone that wants my advice. However, we always get back to people within 24 hours so go ahead and reach out to us and my assistant will let you know what times I have available. I’m usually pretty booked up but even if I’m totally booked for the week, they should still be able to get you in relatively soon. Just call us at (312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected]

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Section 10:

Writing A Grateful Ending Hey, what’s going on? It’s Kevin here. Hopefully, you had a chance to go through the last section on finding forgiveness. If you did - and you actually applied the exercise I shared with you – you’ll notice that you now have a much cleaner slate towards your ex (and your relationship as a whole). Hopefully you’ve also been able to let go of any negative feelings that you have at yourself for any mistakes you made in the relationship. It’s really important to do this because it’s only from this place that you can actually start to move on with your life and begin writing the next chapter. PS: this is something that you need to do regardless of whether you want to include your ex in the next chapter of your life or not. Before you do one or the other though, you need to do something really important. And that is: Writing The Closing Chapter to Your Relationship This is what I want to talk to you about today. I want to show you how to cohesively weave this experience into your life story in a way that will give your mind the closure that it’s looking for. After all, that’s a big reason why all those lingering thoughts keep coming up. So what you want to do is you want to give your mind the closure and completion that it’s really yearning for so that you can put this thing behind you, once and for all. Once you do, then you can actually get a fresh start (which is what I’m going to be talking about in the next section). Before we do that though, it’s really important to stop and write the closing chapter to your relationship. You need to extract the underlying lessons from the relationship and cohesively weave them into your life story in order to get closure and completion. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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By the way, this is actually what a lot of therapists, coaches, and counselors do when they’re working with people one-on-one. Just to give you a little bit of an “insiders” look, we look at an individual’s ability to cohesively weave their experience into their life story in a healthy, stable and mature way. The technical term for that is coherence. Coherence refers to your ability to cohesively make meaning out of all the events that happen in your life. To put simply, it’s basically your ability to weave it all together in a way that helps you make sense of what happened and move forward. So what we often do - as coaches, therapists, and counselors – is we’re helping people find a way a different way of making meaning out of the events that happened in their life. Not only does this put things in perspective but it also builds resilience and helps people cope with things. PS: I talk about this A LOT more in the exclusive online webinar that I do for all the people that sign up for my advanced course: The Breakthrough Breakup Method If you want to attend the webinar, just sign up for my advanced course and I’ll send you a private invitation to the next webinar => www.breakthrougbreakupmethod.com In any case, I hope you appreciate the added little insight there. Or perhaps that went over your head and you don’t want to hear any of the underlying principles, you just want to get the “thing” that you can actually do right now to feel better. Regardless, I decided to share this little piece with you first because it’s extremely important for you to realize that: Meaning is the fabric we use to weave our entire experience of life. We are constantly perceiving, judging and assessing the things that happen in our life. We react to it by assigning specific meanings to the events that happen. And the meaning we assign to the events that happen is what ultimately shapes our experience in life. Kind of crazy to think about, huh? Some people will even go as far as saying that there’s no meaning in life except the meaning you give it. In other words, there is no intrinsic meaning in the things that happen to us. We’re the only ones who give it meaning. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Pretty mindboggling when you really think about it, huh? That’s why two people can experience the same thing and have two totally different experiences. For example, you can go see a movie with a friend and watch the exact same thing in the screen and have a TOTALLY different experience of it. Ever happen to you? Well, the same thing happens every day on a much deeper and more intricate psychological level. If you actually stop and realize this, you can easily take back control of your life by simply giving greater thought to the ways you assign meaning to the events in your life. Hopefully, that’s something that you’ve already begun doing after going through some of the other articles and videos in this program. One of my goals for you, beyond just helping you deal with the break up, is helping you realize just how powerful you really are. I want you to see just how much impact you can have on your life just by controlling the meaning you give to the things that happen to you. You can totally change your entire experience of life by simply choosing where you want to direction your focus and attention to. That’s exactly what I helped you do in the section on Kicking Your Ex Off The Pedestal. I showed you how to change the meaning that you were assigning to your ex (and your relationship) in order to make easier for you to cope with the loss. It was a bit of an extreme way of redirecting your focus and attention but it was done in order to combat the highly distorted meaning that our mind gives to things after loss. Things always seem to be so much more valuable and desirable to us in the face of loss. It’s like a shirt you never wear because you don’t really like it. Yet, when it comes to throwing that shirt out you convince yourself that you’ll keep it just in case. Now I know that may be somewhat of a trivial and irrelevant analogy. I am not trying to compare your ex to an old t-shirt, I am just simply using that metaphor in order to help you see the underlying principle and why I had you change your meaning around the relationship to such an extreme degree. It’s because you were under the influence of a very powerful psychological bias that we all have in our minds after we lose something. So you had to counteract it pretty strongly in order to truly balance it out.

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Well, now that you’ve gotten some perspective on things and are hopefully not as influenced by the various psychological biases that we all have after a break up, you are now ready to write the closing chapter to your relationship in a much more fair, balanced, and understanding way. To help you do that, I want to share a very powerful exercise that I have all my private clients do. It’s called “Writing a Grateful Ending” If you are going to write a closing chapter to the story of your relationship then it only makes sense to make it a happy ending, right? After all, all stories are better with a happy ending. Unfortunately, a break up is usually NOT the happy ending that we see in all the movies. So when it happens, we usually have a very negative attitude towards what just happened. In fact, most people carry around a lot of anger, hurt and resentment from the relationship. Some even become very bitter because of it. Maybe you’ve done that in the past. I know I have to several times after my relationships. It wasn’t until later in life that I really learned how to cope with things in a much more mature, healthy and stable way. Hopefully, that’s what you’ve been learning to do as well in this course. I hope you let go of any anger you have towards your ex in the section on Finding Forgiveness. Hopefully, you’ve also let go of any negativity you have towards yourself. But here’s the thing about forgiveness… it’s REALLY hard to do. Even if you go through the exercise once or twice, there may still be some negative emotions percolating around. That’s cool. You can’t expect to dissolve it all and just magically let go of it for now. Sometimes you need to take things a step further (which is what I want to help you do now) So rather than trying to remove it, I want to help you transmute it. You might be wondering: what do I mean by transmuting it? It means taking the experience and using the raw ingredients to transform it into something different… something greater. One of the ways to do this is by “writing a grateful ending” You may feel some resistance to doing so at first and you may think that there is no possible good to take away from it. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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However, through the process of writing it, you will uncover several things that you can actually be grateful for. And it’s through this process that you actually transmute it and dissolve a lot of the negative feelings that you have towards your ex, towards the relationship, or towards yourself as a person. So rather than removing those feelings, you transmute them by seeing them as stepping stones to a greater understanding. From this place, you can truly create an EMPOWERED BEGINNING (whether that’s with or without your ex). That’s actually what I’m going to be talking about with you in the next video. However, before you do that, it’s absolutely crucial that you take this step first. I realize that it may be a little difficult to do this exercise at first, especially if your relationship didn’t have the happiest ending. However, I’m really going to challenge you to find a way to derive some positive outcome from this experience. I want you to see how this relationship was a success. Yes, even if that means looking at it and saying, “this break up saved me from wasting years of my life of being in a relationship with the wrong person” If you didn’t feel like your ex was really the right person for you or if you couldn’t really see yourself spending the rest of your life with them, then the fact that you two broke up is actually a success right? It freed you up to find the person that IS right for you. You may not see that right now because you’re so overpowered by pain, sadness and loneliness. However, you’ll be able to see this as an opportunity as time goes on. So rather than seeing this as a failed relationship, I want to challenge you to see this as a successful relationship. “A failed relationship is only one that you learn nothing from” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… Relationships are single-handedly the #1 best vehicle for self-discovery and personal growth. It’s better than reading hundreds of books or going to hundreds of different seminars (if you use it consciously and actually reflect on it).

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However, even though relationships are one of the best vehicles of personal growth, very few people actually use it that way. Why? Because personal growth, like all growth, is very uncomfortable. Any kind of change is hard, especially at first. It always gets worse before it gets better. When you first workout, you get really sore the next day because you tear all your muscles. However, it’s the tearing that actually forces your muscles to rebuild themselves. And that’s what I want to help you do today with this experience. I want to help you use this break up as an opportunity to build yourself back up better and stronger than ever. I want to help you extract all the important lessons from this relationship so that you can move forward in your life with a happy closing chapter to your relationship. To help you do that, I want to share a powerful exercise that is all about:

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Writing a Grateful Ending All you have to do is take out a piece of paper and answer these questions: 1)

How was your relationship successful? In other words, what was your relationship successful in teaching you? What did you learn about yourself? About love? About people? About relationships?

Start by writing “Through this relationship, I have learned that…” Then go on and share all the things you learned about yourself and the world. 2) What are you grateful for?

Start by writing “Thanks to this experience I am now….” Do your best to keep the answers to this question positive. After all, this is supposed to be a grateful ending, right? So, what can you be grateful for? Remember, the meaning you give to the events in your life is ultimately what shapes your entire life. With that in mind, what meaning are you going to give to this relationship? Use this experience as an opportunity to become BETTER, not bitter. The truth is, most people get really bitter after a relationship ends. They start to resent their ex and some even start to regret the entire relationship. Regret is usually a sign that you didn’t learn the lesson from the experience. There are lots of people who have been through some really horrible experiences in life and yet they you’ve heard them say that they wouldn’t trade them for a thing. Why’s that? Because they learned something immensely valuable from the experience. They feel like the lesson they learned was well-worth that painful experience (and it usually is) Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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In fact, the lesson you learn is usually a bargain compared to the price you pay. So if you’re still in a place of anger or regret, it’s usually a sign that you haven’t dug deep enough to discover the lesson behind it. Once you find it, you will naturally be grateful for it. In fact, you’ll probably be really glad that you learned it now instead of having to live for years not knowing it (only to learn the same lesson through a much more painful experience) For example, people who get dumped by their fiancé often take it so much harder because they had all these plans together. And while on one-hand that does make it much harder to deal it… better now than AFTER the wedding. Think about how much more expensive, painful and complicated THAT would be? There’s tons of ways to apply this perspective in other situations too. If you just lost someone that you were dating for several years and you two were planning to spend the rest of your lives together… better now before things got too serious. Imagine if this happened after you had already forked out tons of money on an engagement ring or told everybody that you were engaged. That would be MUCH more devastating. If you just got divorced, better now than later. After all, you can still go out and find someone else. May not be as easy as it was when you were younger but it’s definitely doable. No matter what situation you’re in, find a way to be grateful for the experience. The last few examples I shared with you are the quickest way to do it. However, the most rewarding way – the way that will help you make the most out of this experience – will come from finding a way to take away some sort of valuable life-lesson from this experience. There’s a great quote that says:

“A man's errors are his portals of discovery.”

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What Have You Discovered? What have you discovered about yourself that you never knew before? What have you discovered about how you are in relationships? What have you discovered about love? These are all really important things to contemplate. The more you contemplate this, the more value you’ll be able to derive from this experience. Here’s the thing… Everyone makes mistakes, but only wise people learn from them. If you want to learn what you may have done to make your ex leave, check out my advanced course on Why Your Ex Left => www.WhyYourExLeft.com In this course, I compiled all the lessons I learned after helping thousands of people from all around the world over the past 7 years. I’ve compiled all my experiences into an in-depth course that reveals the REAL reasons that people break up and what you can do to have a happy, lasting relationship in the future. If you’ve been struggling to understand the reason for why it ended, there’s a very good reason that this program will lead you closer to the answer. If you’ve been having a hard time getting closure, this program will help you get it. Once you learn what I share in this course, everything will start to “click” Things that didn’t make sense to you before will finally come together. The best part is, once you learn all these profound new insights, you’ll be grateful for your new-found knowledge and you’ll be confident that you have what it takes to make your next relationship work.

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Once you find the love of your life - the person that’s truly meant for you - you’ll see this as a crucial step that you had to go through in order to get there. This is something that my private clients tell me all the time after they met someone new. When that happens, it’s really easy to be grateful for all your past relationships because you realize that they all lead you here, to being with the love of your life. However, you should be able to generate that sense of gratitude from within (without that new relationship). I want you to be able to see the positives from this experience now so that you can not only get over this and put it behind you; but so that you can bounce back from this experience better than ever, with a greater understanding of yourself, as well as love and relationships. I want you to know what it really takes to make relationships work so that you never have to go through this kind of pain EVER again. To help you do that, I’ve put together a separate course that teaches you the 10 most common reasons that people break up (and what to do in the future so that you never get dumped again) Here’s where you can get the course => www.WhyYourExLeft.com If you take anything away from this course, let it be this: It’s A LOT better to learn this stuff now (rather than later) so that you can prepare for your next relationship and not end up in this kind of position ever again. That’s really what spurred me on this journey in the first place. I hated not having control over my love life and I hated not knowing what do. After I hit rock bottom after that first, soul-crushing breakup, I decide that I never want to feel so weak and helpless EVER again. It took me a really long time to learn and figure all this stuff out but I promised myself that once I did, I was going to share it with others. Well, after lots of hard work, it’s finally here. I created a program that shows what it really takes to make a relationship work. This program will show you exactly what men and women actually need in relationships on a DEEP primal level (hint: these things are radically different) Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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If you meet all these needs, you’ll become the kind of man that a woman would never even dream of leaving. If you meet all these needs, you’ll become the woman that a guy will commit to FOREVER Once you learn this stuff, he’ll want to be with you and only you. Why? Because you’ll be able to understand him on a deep primal level… unlike any woman he’s ever met before. Jealousy and insecurity will be a thing of the past and he’ll practically be BEGGING to spend time with you. PS: if you’re a guy, knowing all this stuff about women will literally give you a UNFAIR advantage over every other man because so many men are completely clueless when it comes to women. Just imagine approaching women and talking to them knowing that you know exactly what to do to get them INTERESTED in you. Just imagine knowing how good it’ll feel when that one special woman looks at you and tells you that you make her happier than any guy she’s ever met. All this is possible once you learn what men and women really want in a relationship: I reveal it all in my program here => www.WhyYourExLeft.com

Want My Personal Advice on Your Situation? If you want my advice on your situation, the best way to get it is to setup a private session with me. Just call us at (312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected] After you reach out to us, either me or my assistant will get back to you within 24 hours to setup a time to talk. Disclaimer: due to the overwhelming amount of requests I get, I cannot personally talk to everyone that wants my advice. However, we always get back to people within 24-48 hours so go ahead and reach out to us and my assistant will let you know what times I have available. I’m usually pretty booked up but even if I’m totally booked for the week, they should still be able to get you in very soon. Just call us at (312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected] Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

Section 11:

Getting A “Fresh Start” Hey, what’s going on? It’s Kevin here. In this section, I want to talk about getting a fresh start and creating a new beginning; an empowered beginning, and really living an empowered life. Now, you might be thinking, “what does this have to do with anything? I just want to get my ex back or I just want to get over them and get them out of my head.” Well, what I’m about to share is essential in both of those cases. If you still want to get your ex back, then you have to create a NEW relationship with them (otherwise you’re just going to create the same old relationship with all the problems that drove you apart in the first place). If you want ANY hope of ever getting them back, you need to get a fresh start in life and get back to feeling normal again so that you can show up in a renewed way. Now, if you’re like most people and you’ve realized that your ex is not really good for you and it’s time for you to move on…. this section is even MORE crucial. Why? Because you have to get a fresh start and experience what it’s like to live without your ex in order to truly move on. You may have gotten a glimpse of what that would be like already with the no contact rule and the period of relationship rehab. However, I want you to experience a BETTER life without them. I want you to see that you can actually be happier on your own than you were with your ex. I want you to see that your life can actually be a lot more rewarding and fulfilling without this relationship dragging you down. And even more importantly, I want you to see this as an empowering opportunity for you to create something totally new for yourself.

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1) Focus on yourself like you never have before 2) Discover what’s most important to you right now 3) Do whatever it takes to make a MASSIVE amount of progress towards your most important and meaningful goals. The more you progress forward in your own life, the happier you’ll become. However, this will do more than just make you a much happier and much more successful person. It will also help you get over the break up faster than you may have even thought was possible. Progress = Happiness and the further the past will seem). The more you fill your life with new experiences, the further away the break up will seem. By taking steps forward and making a conscious effort to create a new beginning, you will trick your mind into thinking that more time has passed than it actually has. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> If you do this, you will move on with your life A LOT quicker. Another side benefit is that once you experience how amazing it is to take back control of your life and get a fresh start, you start to take so much joy in your new life that you don’t even want to go back to your old relationship anymore. You realize just how much better your life is without that toxic relationship weighing you down and you actually become grateful for the fact that they are out of your life. Think about it… You now have the freedom to do whatever you want in life and you can make what you truly want out of yourself. Of course, this has always been the case but we often don’t realize that until we are actually faced with a blank canvas. If you’re like most people, you probably got a little comfortable and complacent in your relationship and you weren’t consciously growing and improving. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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You were just in maintenance mode. And guess what? Maintaining a relationship takes A LOT of time and energy (especially if you were in codependent relationship or you were with someone that makes you feel like you constantly have to prove your love to them) Now that all your energy is freed up, you can redirect it back to someone who is much more deserving of all your time and attention…. someone that will actually value and appreciate it… someone that will never leave you. Yourself! You have to make a conscious effort to really nourish this relationship right now. After all, it’s the only relationship that you’ll ever have your entire life. Everyone else will either leave you or die. I know that’s really blunt – and some may even consider that to be negative – but it’s the truth. You’re all you got (and you should learn to love what you got!) See, too often, we let a break up get us down and affect our sense of self. We feel insecure, unwanted, and unworthy. And guess what? That’s not very conducive to getting a fresh start and creating the life of your dreams. If you’re still stuck in this rut, you need to break out of it. Don’t let yourself get swallowed up by this. Don’t let this make you reactive. Too often, we let life control us. We get knocked off course by various situations and circumstances. What we often don’t realize though is that we actually give away ALL our power when we let external things bring us down. And what do we do when that happens? Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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We whine and complain about it (which only brings us down even more)

In fact, it can even reach point where you start to feel completely hopeless. This is a really vicious downward spiral that is really easy to fall into so it’s absolutely critical that you bust yourself out of this cycle right now. And that’s what I want to help you do today… I want to help you build yourself back up and rebuild your sense of “self” I want to help you rebuild your self-esteem and your self-worth. Like I said in the very first section of this program, breakups affect us. And when I say they affect us, I don’t just mean that they affect our mood. They affect our entire identity. (And that’s why it’s so hard to deal with it) See, when you’re in a relationship with someone that you’re in love with – no matter who you are - you always attach a part of yourself to them. You give your heart to them. You let them shape you, affect you, and influence you. And if you were together for a really long time, you start to base who you are around them too (whether you consciously realize it or not). Whether you realize it or not, you become like the people you surround yourself with. That’s why after spending time with a certain friend you’ll start to pick up on each other’s sayings and mannerisms. You might even start to pick up on some of the same hobbies and interests. Well, the same thing goes in relationships. In fact, it’s even more common to modify parts of yourself when you’re in a relationship with someone. Why? Because you look to them for love and approval (some more than others) If they don’t like something, you have to take that into consideration. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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You have to keep their preferences in mind at all times (or else you’ll get the wrath of their backlash, hurt and disappointment) These things can become so deeply embedded that you begin to change or modify parts of yourself just to please them. You adopt a limited range of expression in order to be sensitive to their feelings. Ideally, you should never have to do this (or at least not in any real significant way that would involve you having to compromise on any of your deepest values). Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you should never compromise. Compromise is a crucial part of any relationship. However, you should never have to compromise who you are. If you have, then it’s to break free and reclaim your true self. And the next section will help you do that. Regardless, the underlying point here is that our identity can be affected very severely affected after a break up so it’s really important to discover who you are without this relationship.

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Rediscovering Who You Are Without This Relationship Get to know yourself and what you really like. Take out a piece of paper and spend some time journaling to rediscover who you really are and what’s important to you. This will help you figure out where you want to go from here. Here are a few questions for you to explore in your journaling: 1. What’s really important to me? 2. What do I love to do? 3. What am I passionate about? 4. What’s that thing that I just CANNOT stop talking about? 5. Where do I want to go from here? 6. What new changes do I want to make in my life? 7. What is something I’ve always wanted to do but never made time for? 8. What’s the first step I would have to take to explore that some more? 9. What would I have to do during the week in order to be able to carve out the time to do that thing? Answering these questions will help you rediscover who you are without this relationship. It will also help you rebuild your self-worth and your self-esteem. But even more importantly, it’ll help you improve your entire life. And that’s what this is really all about for me…. that’s what fires me up! If I just did this stuff in order to help people get over a breakup, at some point, it would grow pretty tiresome for me. I mean, sure, I love helping people get over the pain after a break up and all but there is A LOT more to this than just getting over a break up. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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This is about using this experience as a “wake up call” to improve your life and make it what you want it to be. Hopefully you’ve been able to grasp that as the underlying message behind everything I’ve shared with you in this course. The reason I encourage you to do that is because that’s exactly what I did after my first really bad break up and it’s what inspired to totally turn things around in my own life. I believe that breakups present a profound opportunity for transformation. In fact, there’s a really great quote that I often share with a lot of my clients that says: “Heartbreak presents one of the most profound opportunities for spiritual awakening that one could possibly hope for. It destroys your point of view, which is incredibly valuable. You can no longer maintain your opinion of yourself, your ex, or the way your life was supposed to turn out. It’s all gone.” – Susan Piver

I can relate to that hardcore. After my first really bad break up, I was devastated. My heart was aching and I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I felt drained and I didn’t have the motivation to do anything. I didn’t even want to get out of bed in the morning. Family members were worried about my mental and emotional state and they were pleading for me to go get counseling. I actually made an appointment with a therapist just to try to appease them. I went in for my first session but got sick of explaining the whole story all over again, especially after I had wasted hours talking about it for hours and hours with all my friends and family. I reached a point where I didn’t even want to talk about it to anyone anymore. I just wanted to crawl up under a rock and forget about everything. I literally just sat at home by myself and isolated myself from the world. I was depressed and I had no idea what to do. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Then one day I got so sick of being down that I finally decided to do something about it. I picked myself up and I embraced the situation I was faced with. I was miserable, my life was a mess and whatever I was doing clearly wasn’t working. It was time for a change. Day by day, I pushed myself to learn and grow a little more. I explored various selfhealing techniques and I tried everything I could find to help me deal with the break up. I began reading tons of books on love and relationships, as well as personal growth and development. I became a “self-help junkie” (I suppose there are far worse things to be addicted to) As time went on, I read more and more books and my search intensified. I began to question the very fabric of my being and I started asking questions like… -

“What is the purpose of life?” “Why are we here?” “Why am I alive?” “What am I really doing with my life?”

I didn’t have the answers but I was committed to finding them. I spent hours upon hours journaling and trying to make sense of my existence. (I guess you can say I was having a bit of an existential crisis) And although I didn’t realize it at the time, I was actually in the midst of one of the most intense and sacred spiritual processes: the process of rebirth and awakening. There’s a great saying that goes: “The two most important days in a person’s life are the day they are born and the day they realize WHY they were born.” The process of realizing why you were born is what I consider “awakening” Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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And not just awakening to life, but awakening to who you are so that you can become the person you were meant to be. That’s what the break up really was for me; it was an opportunity to become the person I deserved to be. I used it as a “wake up call” to live the life I’ve always wanted. The end of my relationship helped me wake up to what was really important in life. If it wasn’t for that experience - if I never hit rock bottom – I would not be the person that I am today. Ever since that breakup, my entire life has literally transformed. I have a really hard time even identifying with the person I was in that relationship (not to mention who I was before that relationship). I run into old friends and they have a hard time even recognizing me. Not physically, I actually don’t look all that much different physically. However, my whole mindset and attitude towards life has changed. I’ve become much more positive and grateful for all that I have in my life. I’ve also become much more aware of who I am, how I am, and how my behavior affects others. I’ve also become much more aware of what I really want, both out of life and out of my relationships with people. Because of that, all of the relationships I had since then have been RADICALLY different. Even the type of people that I attract into my life these days are radically different as well. That’s what I mean when I say that it was really a huge change. It literally trickled down into every single area of my life. And that’s what really inspired me to do this for a living. I wanted to help others through the same journey. Once I began doing this, I actually coined a clever little phrase for the journey called:

“The Breakup Wake Up” Breakups are one of the few transformative times in our life that really get us to stop and wake up to who we are, what we’re doing, and where we want to go from here. Modern life is great but it has made us way too comfortable and complacent. Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

It’s easy to survive and get by nowadays without really giving much thought to things. We wake up, we get ready, we go to work, we come home, we watch tv or we go online and then we wake up and do it all over again. Unfortunately, it’s not until some kind of tragedy happens that we actually stop and think about life. Sometimes it takes something like this to shake stuff up and force us to try to make sense of it. The reason I embarked on this path of helping others is to be right here with you, right here, right now, as you’re trying to make sense of it all. To meet you here as a guide, as a teacher, as a friend; to share my insights with you and sprinkle in some gold nuggets of wisdom that I picked up along my own journey. I truly hope that you found this material helpful and beneficial. I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to be here to guide you and support you in this time of transition. I want to thank you for allowing me into your life and absorbing my words with an open mind and an open heart. You are a beautiful person who is capable of so much more in your life. I want to celebrate you for getting this far and I want to continue to support you in any way I can. Please do me a favor and send me an email at [email protected] to let me know how it’s helped you. Ever since I created this program, I’ve had thousands of people send me a lot of very heart-warming emails. I truly loving hear your stories and reading about all the amazing transformations you’ve made in your life. It’s why I do what I do. So please do me a favor and write me to let me know the biggest things that you learned from this program. I poured my blood sweat and tears into making it for you and I hope you can feel that. PS: I get lots of emails from people who’ve gone through the program telling me:

“Everything you said in your program was really insightful. Do you have anything else that can help me? What should I do next?” Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

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Well, for the longest time, the only other thing that I had to offer people was private coaching with me. And while I’ve helped hundreds of people through my private one-on-one programs, I realized that I could only reach a limited amount of people that way. I could only take on as many new clients as I had space for in my schedule after my existing weekly clients. This was fine for a while, especially earlier in my career. In fact, I was actually pretty happy to be so busy that I had people waiting for weeks just to talk to me. However, at some point, I realized that too many people were falling through the cracks and not getting the help they deserve. At that point, I made a very important decision in my career. Instead of having a full practice, I decided to cut back on the number of clients I was working with so that I had more time to create other programs that would help more people than I ever could one-on-one. I had to take a short-term loss in exchange for a long-term gain… kind of like you just did with your relationship. You may not see the fruits of your labor yet but trust me, you will, just be patient ;) So I took the temporary loss in clients and income in order to create more programs just like this that would eventually help more people in the long-run. I took all the things I do with clients in my private practice and I compiled it into a series of programs that will help you navigate through the next stage of your journey. It won’t be quite the same as actually working with me one-on-one but it’s the next best thing to working with me personally. You’ll see all the programs listed on the next page. PS: if you’d prefer to work with me one-on-one, I’d be happy to help you. Just send me an email at [email protected] or call my office at (312) 476-9416

Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

Below you’ll find a collection of some of my most popular courses:

1) Can Your Relationship Be Saved? This is the “advanced” break-up recovery course

2) The Breakthrough Breakup Method (Advanced Course) This is the “advanced” break-up recovery course. It’s designed to help you heal as quickly as possible and let go of anything you’re still holding onto so that you can finally get your ex out of your head for good.

3) The Fresh Start - How to Bounce Back from a Break Up And Become A Stronger & Better You This course is all about you; it’s designed to help you bounce back from a break up and find your true self so you can finally be happy again

4) Why Your Ex Left (And What You Need to Learn From It) This is course is all about relationships and what you need to learn before getting back out in the dating world and jumping into another relationship. I actually have two separate versions of this course, one for men and one for women. In this course, I’ll reveal the 10 most common mistakes that people make in relationships (and how to avoid them). I’ll also show you what you need to learn from it so that you have what it takes to make a relationship work in the future. The truth is, a lot of these problems are preventable if you simply know what to do. Relationships require skills, just like anything else. The problem is, we never learn these skills anywhere. That’s why I created this course to help you learn it. Once you go through this course, you’ll have a much better understanding of what it takes to actually make a relationship work. I have 2 goals for each of these courses: The course for men is designed to help you become the man she’d never leave. The course for women is designed to help you become the ONLY woman that a man would ever want to be with.

Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

5) How to Date after Heartbreak I actually have two separate versions of this course as well, one is for men and one is for women. These courses are designed to help you _____ A Guide On How to Love When Your Heart is Broken

6) How to Find Love Again A Guide On How to Find Love When It All Seems Hopeless

7) Love That Lasts – What It REALLY Takes to Make Relationships Work These are private courses that are open by invitation only. If you’d like to participate in any of these programs, just send me an email at [email protected] If you have any other questions, feel free to email me as well. It has been a pleasure to be a part of your journey and I wish you nothing but the best! Stay in touch and keep reading my emails ;) Kevin

Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]

Last Words… Before I go, I just want to tell you one thing… I want to share why I do what I do. See, most of us just go through life doing the same thing day after day. A really bad break up is one of the few things that really gets us to stop and pay attention to what’s going on for us. The reason we actually stop to do that is because - quite frankly - we feel like shit. There’s no need to “beat around the bush” or sugarcoat it… it sucks. We feel horrible and we just want a way out of all the pain we’re feeling. In fact, we’re willing to give just about anything a shot as long as it’ll make us feel better. That’s when we finally open up to help and start looking for a solution. For many, this is often the very first step we take on the path to self-discovery and it’s usually the beginning of a journey that lasts a lifetime. I see that you’ve already taken the first step and I’m glad we’ve crossed paths. I want to congratulate you for taking responsibility to get this part of your life handled and I hope the information that I provided has helped you do that. I’m honored that you’ve instilled your trust in me and I want you to know that it has been my pleasure to serve you. If you ever need any help with anything in the future, I’d be more than happy to help. Breakup and relationship coaching is just a tiny part of what I do. I also help people find their purpose in life and discover their passion so they can get paid to do what they love. I also do a lot of career coaching as well. If you want to get in contact with me about this or anything else, you can reach me at: [email protected] or you can call my office at (312) 476-9416 I wish you all the best in life! Kevin Want to get my advice on your situation? Call my office at 312-476-9416 to setup a private session with me

Have a question you want to ask me? Email us at [email protected]