This guide shows men how to successfully date women in the workplace while preserving their reputation and their job....
The Basic Guide to Workplace Dating by Terrence B. published 05/06/13 Forums: http://workplacedating.prophpbb.com Email: [email protected]
TABLE OF CONTENTS FOREWORD CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION CHAPTER 2: FOUNDATIONS CHAPTER 3: FEMALE BEHAVIOR CHAPTER 4: ATTRACTION CHAPTER 5: INTEREST AND DISINTEREST CHAPTER 6: CLOSING CHAPTER 7: COMMUNICATING INTENTIONS CHAPTER 8: ENDING THE COURTSHIP CHAPTER 9: PITFALLS CHAPTER 10: ADVANCED WORKPLACE DATING APPENDIX
FOREWORD Over the past few years, I've been writing a book about workplace dating based on my own experiences. I'm now making it publicly available "as is" because I am no longer interested in finishing it. I'm beyond workplace dating now, and have other interests I want to pursue. Ultimately, the guide is written for men who are interested in workplace dating, and want some information about it from someone who's been there. I want to mention that this guide is incomplete, maybe about 90% done. The spelling and grammar is okay, but the order and structure is not quite how I want it. I mostly just put the information down and did very little arranging. There are several things I wanted to add, reword or remove, and many of the ideas I did write about are not as perfectly worded as I would like, but I had to start with something. In short, it's incomplete. If you're willing to read through the disorder and incompleteness, I promise you will find some gems that will allow you to successfully date women from your workplace while preserving your reputation and your job. If you're familiar with the basic foundations of dating and you want to get started right away, then I suggest you read Chapters 5, 6, and 9 as they relate to Interest and Disinterest, Closing, and Pitfalls. You'll find several wordfor-word examples I've used to close women at work. But even if you don't attempt to date at work, the guide will at least open your eyes to what's possible in the workplace. I stand firm in saying that workplace dating is possible, easy, and you can do it successfully if you read the guide. I've been in contact with men who do workplace dating exclusively. They don't go to bars and clubs; they only date women from work. I was one of those men. I have dated, and had sex, with dozens of women from the places I've worked. If I ever went to the club, I never pulled because I already was seeing one or two co-workers at the time. Consider just a few of the things I've learned about workplace dating: 1. There are no time constraints. In the club, you only have a few hours to close the deal or you may never see your target again, but in the workplace she has to come back to the same place as you the next day, and the next day, and the next day. It's like the movie Groundhog's Day. Each day you get another chance to close the deal. So you have plenty of time and opportunity to plan your approach without feeling anxious about the 3-second rule. Women who I didn't close the first or second time around ended up closing me at a later time. 2. You are already in the comfort phase. Most men at work will notice that female coworkers will express an interest in them out of the blue, when they've worked together for so long. Actually, it's partially due to the fact that she's been around you all that time, getting used to your presence and behaviors, that you were building comfort with her without consciously doing so. Based on my experience, and those of several men I know, women tend to approach and close men at work more often than men do the women. It's as if the roles between the workplace and the club are reversed. In the club, the men
chase the women. In the workplace, the women chase the men. And because so many men are fearful of a harassment complaint, all that means is that there is virtually no competition at the workplace. It's sort of like being the only guy in a club full of women. You don't have to worry about anyone gaming your target, or pretty much any woman for that matter. And if that wasn't enough, you don't have to put as much effort into attracting women from work as you would do at the club. If you work at any given company for awhile, eventually you will find attractive women opening up to you when you were not consciously targeting them. 3. Women who are attracted to you will be attracted for a very long time. You know that one hot girl at work that you wanted to bang for the past several months? There are women who feel the same way about you for the same length of time. And if you're intuitive, you'll be able to pick up on their interest. Some women will flirt with you for many months in an effort to close you for a date. And because there are no time constraints, you have plenty of time and opportunity to close the deal when you want. It's little things like these you will find if you can temporarily withhold judgment, read the guide once, and be optimistic about the possibilities. You might even recall instances where you could have been dating certain women at work, but you didn't realize the opportunity was there until after reading the guide. Either way, I believe you'll find that even if you still won't date at work, you will at least see that it's easier than what you thought possible. Of course, you’re probably well aware that there are those who are against workplace dating. They say things like, "Don't shit where you eat", "Women at work are vindictive and manipulative", and "You could lose your job if you make a mistake." But I tell you that people's perceptions about the risks of workplace dating are grossly overrated. Granted, it's all in an effort to help you keep your job. But all the negative propaganda not only causes unnecessary pessimism and fear in men, but it perpetuates division between the sexes. I'm here to set the record straight on three points: First, women are not vindictive or manipulative by nature. They’re actually quite peaceful and considerate. Most cases of male-on-female harassment arise from men "plowing through" in the face of clear disinterest. In other words, women don't file harassment complaints just out of the blue. It takes men who are either too forward or too persistent in unwanted behavior. Women have made it clear to them, “No thanks”, “I’m busy”, “I'm not interested,” or “Don't touch me.” But these men come back again and again trying to win these women over by falling into same pitfalls. To be honest, I've fallen into every pitfall I've mentioned in the guide, numerous times. But I noticed that even from within the pitfall, as long as I was indirect in my approach, and speaking calmly while respecting personal space, women were receptive, or they communicated disinterest without issue. My point is, there are friendly, considerate women in the company who are open to being approached, and they will respect you before, during, and after the encounter. And it's easy to recognize these women. This is part of the reason why I try to stress being optimistic. When you choose to be optimistic, you create situations where people are open to you, and things just work out for you. But if you
continually expect the worst and think others are out to get you, without the slightest attempt to think more positively, then you will see this result and miss out on rewarding opportunities. Second, there are some men who feel it's not attracting women in the workplace that's the problem, it's dealing with women who turn vindictive during the courtship, women who would jeopardize their employment when things don't go her way. My response to this is, as difficult as it might be to believe, it's not the woman's attitude that's the problem here, but the man's. Most of the men who claim women are vindictive and manipulative are misogynistic in attitude. These are men who use terms like "bitch shields", and take pleasure in "negging" women. After numerous rejections in the game, they perceive women as bitches in general, and they approach women with that attitude in mind, even at a subtle level. Such men have an "us versus them" mentality, and ultimately developed a dislike for women, without being aware of it. These men are against workplace dating because they expect women to reject and disrespect them as in the club, but now with the additional fear of a harassment complaint. Because of their fixed attitude towards women, they continually find themselves faced with women who eventually do disrespect them. Yes, I've had bad experiences with vindictive women, but I do not blame them for their behavior. I blame myself for first perceiving them as having an attitude problem. If we as men would only choose to see all women as loving, considerate people, things would change radically in our favor. And third, not every harassment complaint filed results in job termination. Companies have an obligation to thoroughly investigate all claims to avoid a wrongful termination lawsuit, and in some cases, it was determined that the plaintiff falsified the complaint. But besides this, many companies actually try to resolve the issue without terminating anyone’s employment. They recognize the difference between a man asking a woman out on a date, and a man touching her ass. Once I fell into one of the pitfalls and had a harassment complaint filed against me. When I sat down with the HR administrator, she told me what happened, and then proceeded to tell me how to recognize when a woman is interested and disinterested, and how to talk with women in a way that makes them more open and receptive to me. Then she let the incident go with a warning. It wasn't even put in my company record. Can you imagine!? Here I am, thinking I'm about to lose my job, and the person who has the power to fire me is giving me tips on how to score with women. So I tell you, when you're optimistic about your success, people in all levels of the company resonate with that and they will want you to succeed. In retrospect, my experiences in the pitfalls have shown me that women in general are open and understanding about male behavior as it relates to men expressing interest in them. And they have ways of expressing disinterest peacefully without having to run to HR. And when you’re optimistic about workplace dating, there are people in all levels of the company who are understanding, considerate, and actually care about your success. Therefore, if you attempt to date at work, you are encouraged to be optimistic, and to choose success. Against all odds, choose that the people in your workplace are open, considerate, and understanding as it relates to your success in workplace dating. But if
you're still apprehensive, you are not asked to consciously attempt workplace dating. Instead, simply read the guide, but as you do I encourage you to be a little more open and optimistic about the possibilities. If I had to sum up how to do workplace dating in one sentence it would be this: Target only those women who show an interest in you on a consistent basis, and of those women, date the ones who show the strongest interest. But it’s equally important to say that when you have an optimistic mindset, you will get the kind of women you want, the kind of relationships you want, and avoid the pitfalls without effort on your part. You're free to use the information in the guide as a resource if you want to write your own book about workplace dating. Perhaps someone might be open to completing this guide. Whatever you choose to do with the guide, I grant you even greater success than myself in the world of workplace dating.
CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION This is The Basic Guide to Workplace Dating. It is written for the man who is interested in having a romantic or sexual relationship with a female co-worker. The Guide will not go into detail about all the different types of women who may be targeted at work, or the different types of work environments, or all the variations of workplace relationships that are possible. However, the Guide will present sound principles and guidelines that enables you to target only those women who you will have the greatest success at entering into a romantic relationship with, and doing so while preserving your reputation and your job. It is important to know that the social climate and female behavior within the workplace is significantly different than within the bar or club. Therefore, ignore any half-page internet articles about workplace dating that only provide shallow tips like "Just be confident and you'll get the girl," without providing any depth about the social dynamics in the workplace, and how you should tailor your game as such in order to attract women. Indeed, many dating coaches frown upon the idea of attempting to attract women at work, citing harassment risks. While their concerns are valid, consider that many dating coaches no longer work in traditional workplace environments because they quit their jobs and now make their living as dating coaches. In other words, they technically cannot provide comprehensive advice on attracting women at work because they're no longer in those environments to attract women and test their theories. And those coaches who are still working at a job simply prefer to target women at venues outside of the workplace environment. And since they're well aware that most men do the same, they therefore provide dating products that are tailored for these venues. But I can say in full confidence that The Basic Guide to Workplace Dating provides men a comprehensive resource for attracting women at work, as opposed to bars and clubs. It is the result of real world field testing within 4 different workplaces (from a fastfood restaurant to a corporate office environment), and entering into romantic and sexual relationships with over 30 women of diverse ages, ethnicities and job titles. Also, much of the information comes from feedback from dozens of female workers in various industries regarding what they consider appropriate (and inappropriate) in terms of dating in the workplace. In addition, none of these guidelines stem from the idea that I started workplace dating as a "natural" or "guru". Much of the information in the Guide came from making mistakes and even jeopardizing my reputation and career. But after learning from such mistakes, I began applying sound principles while continuing to push boundaries. You can now accelerate your learning curve for attracting women at work by reading this Guide. This Guide assumes that you're already familiar with basic principles of dating and seduction, that you understand female psychology with regards to what's attractive to women, and that you have the ability to Attract, build Comfort, and Seduce your target. The Guide also assumes you possess alpha-male qualities such as confidence, humor, leadership, social intuition, good body language, and being a challenge. While not
necessarily an "advanced guide" for pickup, the Guide merely takes the foundations of dating and seduction and applies them to the workplace environment, with some reservations. If you're new to dating and seduction, then I recommend learning the foundations from resources such as Double Your Dating, Speed Seduction, Love Systems, Real Social Dynamics and Venusian Arts. These resources are great starters for developing yourself into the kind of man that women find attractive. They will also teach you the elements of indirect game, which will be your primary means of attracting women in the workplace. But once you are your target are OFF company grounds, and OFF the clock, you'll want to switch to direct game, and for that I highly recommend Mode One, David X, Badboy Lifestyles, 60 Years of Challenge and Dimitri the Lover. Their products show you how to communicate your interests to women in an upfront, honest manner. I dare say most men in the seduction community have used a combination of the above resources to attract beautiful women into their lives. A WORD OF CAUTION: Because the Guide provides sound principles and guidelines that are conducive to successfully courting women at work, I give you a word of caution before we begin: Upon reading the Guide and internalizing its concepts, you will feel as if you have the inside scoop on workplace dating that no other guy at your company has. And because so few men will even attempt to attract women at work, you will feel like you're the only "seducer" at the office. You will feel as if you "own" the women at your company. And as a result you will feel compelled to go to your job and use these skills with every woman at work. But it is this overly ambitious and arrogant mentality that can lead to your downfall. Therefore, you are advised to KEEP YOUR COOL, AND TAKE THINGS SLOW. This is especially if you have never consciously attempted workplace dating before. Don't rush and attempt to do all the things in this Guide in a matter of days. Start slowly by applying a few of the principles, and trying them out for awhile until they become part of you, then build from there. Besides, as you will learn, you are to target only certain women, not game the whole company. Keep your cool. Also, it is vital that you read the Guide at least once in its entirety, word for word. Don't skim over certain sections because you've been in the seduction community for some time and you assume you're already familiar with what's going to be said. This Guide is tailored specifically to gaming in the workplace, and as such it's important that you understand WHAT to expect, and WHY. While you will definitely stand out as a man who is unique and brings something wonderful to the women at work, your actions and behaviors can equally generate discomfort and harassment complaints. Therefore, you will find much advice within the Guide erring on the side of caution. This serves the purpose of keeping you off the radar and preserving your reputation and job. Because of the risks involved, I further recommend that you read the Guide at least twice before you even begin attracting women at work. Tis' better to be blown out of a set in the club, than to be blown out of a job because of harassment. Read the Guide all the way through, word for word.
In the year 2013, with all the dating products available, workplace dating is still a very new niche, primarily because of the perceived risks involved. All this means is those who consciously attempt workplace dating with an optimistic mindset will become the pioneers in this area, and can even start a profitable dating business. So I encourage you to choose success. No matter how many people voice all the risks involved, be optimistic and choose that you will be successful in workplace dating. If you do this, I promise you that not only will you experience the rewards that come with dating in the workplace, but you will also be the first person that guys come to with questions about how to get the girl at work. Finally, thank you for taking the opportunity to read this Guide. If the Guide is helpful to you, then I encourage you to share it with other male co-workers, friends and relatives who you feel would benefit from it. I assure you they will be thankful that you did.
Now, let us begin... There is a class of women that don't go to bars or clubs at night to find a man. They prefer to meet a man spontaneously either during the daytime, through their social circle, or at work. A woman's logic for meeting a man at work is, "Why dress up to meet a complete stranger at the bar or club, when I can get together with that cute co-worker with whom I'm already familiar?" This is because unlike bar and club where she has to get to know a stranger from scratch, at the workplace she is getting to know you from day to day and getting a feel of your personality and behaviors in the workplace. Women from work find that the workplace is a safer haven for finding a man, rather than face a barrage of drunken men at the bar or club who she has to constantly screen. Some women are educated, intelligent, assertive, well-dressed and have high self-esteem, and are usually perceived as alpha females. Many are single moms. But they all have one thing in common: They're lonely, they want attention, and they're located at your workplace. And while it may appear that competition is high with other males being at work, rest assured that most of these men are either already in committed relationships, they have approach anxiety and afraid to offend, or they reserve dating until they're off company grounds for fear of a harassment complaint. This allows you the opportunity to be perhaps the ONLY man at your workplace who gives a woman the genuine attention she secretly desires, without her having to look for it at the bars and clubs. Trust me my friend, you have NO competition at work.
CHAPTER 2: FOUNDATIONS The Foundations chapter is THE most important chapter in this book in terms of dating successfully at your workplace. It’s all about being optimistic. This is the very foundation of my success. Not the clothes I wear. Not the words I say. Not the things I do. All those things have their foundation in an optimistic mindset. All things seen and done on the outside springs from what’s seen and done on the inside. Therefore, you are advised to read this chapter several times and internalize its concepts. We will get to what to "say" and what to "do", but for now the primary objective here is how to "be". Once you can “be”, the “saying” and “doing” will become natural and effortless. That’s why I encourage you to read this chapter more often than any other chapter in this guide. It’s that important and makes workplace dating so much easier for you. By being the things described in this chapter, not only will the right women make their interests known to you, but you also avoid common pitfalls that would jeopardize your reputation and your job, all without effort on your part.
BEING OPTIMISTIC If the Foundations chapter is the most important chapter to read, then this section on being optimistic is the most important section in the entire Guide. If you have not done so, I encourage you to read the Foreword at the beginning of this Guide as it talks about some of the benefits of being optimistic. Being optimistic as I describe it goes beyond typical self-help tips like "Just be confident and you'll get the girl." So let’s begin the process of assuming an optimistic mindset. First, you must ignore the warnings of friends, family, and fellow co-workers who tell you that workplace dating is dangerous. It is understood that they care about your future, and they believe they are seeking your best interests. However, their concerns are rooted in pessimism and fear. If you are to take this path you must be optimistic about it. Also, you must never allow the bad experiences of other men to adversely affect your pursuit of dating in the workplace. This is especially if those men have had harassment complaints filed against them. Understand that just because it happened to them does NOT mean it will happen to you. There are many elements that led up their misfortune, and upon careful examination, you'll find that in many cases these men overlooked or ignored some of the principles in the Guide that would have kept them safe. Nevertheless, it is important to realize that those men are not YOU. Their experiences are not YOUR experiences. Their results are not YOUR results. You must continue forward with your interests in mind, and not be easily influenced by the bad experiences of others. You cannot allow the bad experiences or perceptions of others stop you from attaining potentially rewarding experiences for yourself.
In light of stories you've heard about harassment complaints, even if it's first-hand knowledge, you must be optimistic about YOUR success. You can not go around worrying about saying or doing the the wrong thing, or wondering if a harassment complaint will be filed against you. You must believe that the right women for you will make themselves available to you. You must believe you are to be successful if such success will be realized in your life. Once you become confident within yourself to consciously exercise the principles in the Guide, you will find that not only will workplace dating be easier for you, but it will seem as if you're the only man at work who is doing it. If you're too worried about making women uncomfortable and causing harassment complaints, then your worries will reflect in your body language and how you interact with women, giving off a bad vibe that makes them feel uneasy. Therefore, be true to yourself right this moment. If you know that you have fears about workplace dating, then do NOT attempt to attract any women at your workplace. At least, not right now. Don't attempt any non-work related conversations with any woman you're attracted to. Simply say Hello or Good morning, and get to work. If you're interested in dating women at work but still have some apprehensions, take some time, perhaps a month or so, and build the confidence within you before walking this path. You must be optimistic if you're going to consciously date in the workplace. Continue reading this book as will help you in building your confidence, and so you'll know what to say and do once you consciously date at work. Practice the Visualization and Affirmation exercises later in this chapter, as they help build a foundation for being optimistic. Not to get too metaphysical, but there is a lot of truth to things such as the "Laws of Attraction", “Imagination creates reality”, and getting the things you put your mind to. If one were to see only negative circumstances and expect bad things to happen, then it will become so. What he set his mind to became his reality. This is the primary reason why some men appear to get more women and a successful lifestyle. It's unlikely they were born that way, and therefore they had their share of bad experiences as the next guy. But instead of looking at grim circumstances and accepting them as a fact of life, they have conditioned themselves to believe that they can have the better things in life, and it became so. You too can have the same success, if you choose to believe it. The positive attributes I display on the outside that are attractive to women (the humor, non-needy, etc.), all have their foundation in the optimism within me. It's not the other way around. Someone might point to something outside of me and say, "See? She laughs at his jokes. That's what makes him attractive," or "She said she likes him for the way he dresses," or "She told me she's attracted to his social status." But the end goal, the dream within me, is that I am attractive to women, and I get the girl, period. Therefore, the attractive qualities I display on the outside springs from that optimism within me.
Optimism also applies to finding women to date in the workplace. You must believe that the right women will make themselves available to you. You must KNOW that you are desirable, and you must believe that the right women for you are coming your way, and that they will be receptive to you. Know that you are a desirable man to women for the very fact that you ARE a man. No matter how many times it seems you have been turned down by a woman, you must know that you are worthy of every woman's attention and affection. But it starts with believing this within you.
CHOOSE TO SEE WOMEN AS LOVING You may recall in the Foreword that it’s not a woman's bad attitude that's the problem, but the man's perception of her. We see what we expect to see. Therefore you are encouraged to perceive women as loving in attitude. You cannot have an "Us versus them", "Pimps up, hoes down" mentality. Women are beautiful, loving creatures to be loved, admired and cherished, not bitches who are to be looked down upon as lesser than you. One of the first things you can do to deal with women you perceive as having an attitude problem, is to change your attitude towards them. Choose to see women as loving and respectful towards you, even if they persist with a bad attitude weeks or months from now. As if their rudeness was a front for a gentle, compassionate side of them. By choosing to see women as loving, you break the spell of their rudeness, and their gentle side will be revealed to you and others. Choose, choose, choose. If we as men would only choose to see all women as loving, considerate people, things would change radically in our favor.
VISUALIZATION AND AFFIRMATION Here are a few imaginary exercises you can practice to help build optimism and confidence within you. This is my personal method for being optimistic. Imagine you’re at work and in conversation with a co-worker you’d like to date. Give it a first-person point of view, as if she’s right in front of you, looking into your eyes. The conversation is going great and she’s very open with you. Now imagine her complimenting you and saying things you’d like to hear from women. “You’re a good listener.” “You’re fun to talk to.” “You’re interesting.” “You’re attractive.” “I don’t have a boyfriend.” “Would you like to go out on a date?” Now you can imagine the two of you on a dinner date. You’re sitting close and she’s enjoying your eye contact and you touching her. Feel the warmth of her hands, arms and shoulders. Have her lean in to kiss
you. Feel the softness of her lips. Enjoy kissing her for a few seconds and imagine her enjoying it. Now imaging she’s again saying things you’d like to hear. “I’m having a good time with you.” “You’re such a good kisser.” “I feel a strong connection with you.” “Would you like to come over to my place?” Then you can imagine the two of you in each other’s arms in bed, and listening to her pillow-talking with you. “That was amazing.” “You’re a wonderful man.” “You feel so good next to me.” “I’d love to see you again.” Imagine everything she says sounds genuine and from the heart. You can also add positive affirmations to reinforce your visualizations: “I’m very attractive to women.” “I’m a good conversationalist.” “Women are so open and receptive to me.” “Women are respectful and considerate of me.” “I’m desirable and wanted by women.” “Women want to date me.” “Women love to be with me.” “Women want to have sex with me.” “Women love me.” “I always get the girl.” “Things always work out in my favor.” You can imagine saying these things to yourself while imagining her saying the things you’d like to hear in conversation. The key is to choose that what you’re imagining is real and true, as if it’s happening right now or happened in the recent past and you’re simply reminiscing. You can also switch to another woman you’d like to date and play out the same scenes in your mind. These exercises may feel awkward and unnatural at first, especially if you haven’t had much success with women. But I promise if you do these exercises as often as possible on a daily basis, you will actually come to believe that you’re desirable to women and that they love you, and it will feel natural. And anytime you imagine any woman in your mind, it will always be in a positive light. The basic foundation in all your visualization and affirmation exercises, is to CHOOSE that women say the things you want to hear, and treat you the way you want to be treated. Always choose that she’s open and receptive to you. That she’s considerate, and won't say or do anything to jeopardize your reputation or your job. Do this and eventually they will treat you that way in real life. But don’t stop there. Do the same with other coworkers, your supervisors and even HR. Choose that even they are understanding, considerate, and they want you to succeed. Imagine them saying things to you that reflects who you want to be: “You’re a great asset to the company.” “I admire your confidence and leadership.” “Women are so open and receptive to you.” You can even imagine two people having a private conversation about you: “Did you hear about John? He was recently promoted to a new position.” “I heard that John’s dating another employee. He’s really a ladies’ man.” “I love John’s attitude. He’s always upbeat and optimistic.” The choices you make within will be reflected without in your reality. This is the basis for being optimistic. You are encouraged to be persistent in being optimistic, even if it seems nothing has changed in your circumstances. Be optimistic even if the next day, or next week, or even the next 6 months you get consistent disinterest from women. You can even apply the visualizations and affirmations towards women you perceive as being vindictive or having an attitude problem. Either way, if you choose to be optimistic, and persist in this,
I promise you, those same women who first appeared disinterested will open up to you, and things will work out in your favor, because you have chosen success from within. Continue to imagine that you're having fun, engaging conversations with women from your workplace. Visualize them giving you strong interest. You must believe it. You must KNOW that you are a desirable man and that women are attracted to you. This is your reality. By doing this, know that you will cause your circumstances to change in a way that the right women at work will be made available to you, and they will be open and receptive to you for dating, to the point where much of this Guide won't be necessary. The workplace is your domain. It doesn't matter if you're in an entry-level position or you're paid less than you think you deserve, you are not some cog or nobody. You are a valuable asset to the company. You are a man who brings life to your organization. You must always know that your company is very fortunate to have you as part of their team. Such a mentality must be reflected in your professional appearance at work, the exceptional performance of your tasks, and how well you interact with your customers and other co-workers. Management will recognize you as someone worthy of recognition and promotion, and you will distinguish yourself in the eyes of women, who will view you as a man that knows how to do his job well, cares about what he is doing, and is capable of being a provider for his loved ones.
The remaining information in the Foundations chapter deal with assuming certain behaviors that are attractive to women. I will now begin with the one behavior that will greatly improve your success in workplace dating. It is the basis of all other behaviors, it is the foundation for being an alpha male at your workplace, and it is the start of generating attraction with women at work: BE COOL, CALM AND CONNECTED BE COOL You want to be a man who is at peace with himself. The workplace is your domain, therefore you are comfortable and at ease in your own domain. Most employees within "fast-paced", "high-stress" work environments actually exhibit these behaviors, but you will NOT. You are unfazed by all the hustle and bustle around you. Your station is fairly neat and organized. Walk slowly and casually to your destination. Never appear as if you're anxious or in a hurry. Your body movements should appear slow and graceful. You never appear down or complain over doing an unfavorable task. You are indifferent and realize that all tasks performed are in the best interests of the company that helps support your lifestyle. If you must work faster to accomplish a task, you do so enthusiastically, and will motivate nearby co-workers to share in your enthusiasm. And
none of this finger-tapping, thumb-twiddling or heel-tapping nonsense. No fidgeting. You are above these things. Emulate the dominant, yet smooth body language of men like Antonio Banderas, Pierce Brosnan, Denzel Washington, Andy Garcia or even The Fonz.
BE CALM When anyone approaches you for assistance, you immediately welcome them with a warm smile, as if you were expecting them. Even if someone asks you about some difficult problem they're experiencing, you never squint your face as if you're trying to process what they're saying. Keep a relaxed, unaffected face at all times, perhaps even a slight smile to demonstrate how sure you are of yourself in the midst of uncertainty and confusion in others. When people approach you who behave as if they're anxious, in a hurry or stressed out, resist the temptation to match their behavior. Do NOT speak in a fast-paced tone just because they are. And never attempt to out-shout anyone in any arguments or disputes. Be assertive, but self-controlled. You are always the calm one in any situation, so no matter how chaotic the environment becomes, always keep your cool. You are un-reactive. You must possess equanimity. You will possess the power to influence others to become at ease in your presence. Women in the vicinity will notice your calm and relaxed behavior, and you will easily stand out as a man who doesn't let adverse people or circumstances bother him. This will elicit intrigue and curiosity within women. Remember, you are a man in control of himself. You are the calm in the storm. A Cool and Calm mind is able to think clearly, and recognize opportunities that you can take advantage of. You will appear as if you’re unlike ordinary men. Women will also feel comfortable in your presence.
BE CONNECTED Being Connected means being involved in the lives of other co-workers. You want to do more than just show up, do your job and go home. You must establish connections with others and build camaraderie. Your life at work must be centered around interacting with people. Being connected will give you the presence and visibility to stand out as an alpha male at your workplace, and female co-workers will become attracted by how well you interact with others. The people you're Connected to can also be your eyes and ears within the workplace in case a harassment complaint is wrongfully filed against you. One of the best ways to be connected in your workplace is to build a social circle that includes women.
A few examples of being connected include visiting other departments and striking up conversation with the people there, and attending social events like company parties and retreats. You will find many more examples of being connected in the Appendix. Your Connectedness is an excellent way for her to evaluate your personality and ultimately build comfort with you. Yes, you can actually build comfort with a woman by how well you interact with others, and how well they respond to you. It's not necessary to have dozens of friends or have close ties to VIPs in the company. Being connected is more about being sociable, so you want to be approachable and open to interacting with others. Sometimes you can build comfort with a woman just by merely being in the same vicinity for an extended period of time. Remember, women who are interested in dating a man from their workplace would like to first evaluate his behavior at work. If you have an open, friendly personality, then you have already established a sense of comfort with those women who work in your area. You have "primed" them to be open to dating you. You cannot be a recluse who closes himself off from others. Applying several of the above examples will work wonders for your reputation and how women respond to you. By projecting alpha male characteristics such as being wellgroomed, leader of men, good social intuition and building connections with others, your energy and charisma will be felt by those around you. You don't need be the life of the party everywhere you go, but you should at least be sociable. You will be perceived as a person of importance in the company, even if you're in an entry-level position. People will see you as someone who brings value to the company, and to all those with whom you interact. They will be intrigued by your poise, and admire your calm resolve in the midst of a chaotic environment. Doors will be opened to you for career advancement. She will be impressed by how well-rounded you are in the company. She will learn good things people are saying about you. That you are a "go-to" guy. She will become attracted.
It's important to know that being Connected is more than mere social proof. You must be an effective conversationalist that has the power to influence people with your words. This comes from taking an interest in the people you interact with, listening to them, and understanding them. If you need suggestions on how to become more of a "peopleperson", then I recommend reading “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie, and “Never Eat Alone” by Keith Ferrazzi. These books will help you understand people and how you can attract them into your life. While you will attract female co-workers by applying the above examples, you must understand that your primary reason for being more active and involved at the workplace is to better yourself, to build your reputation and advance in your career. You're not being active solely to attract women. You're being active for your personal and professional
growth. You're making a name for yourself. The women who become attracted are merely an "employee benefit." Understand clearly that being Cool, Calm and Connected is the key to attracting female co-workers without intentionally "trying" to attract them. In fact, some women will express strong interest in you before you have even chosen them for dating. Instead of cold approaching and telling her about yourself in an attempt to generate attraction (although it's possible), you allow her to get to know more about you indirectly by your confident appearance, how well you interact with other co-workers, how delicate you handle your customers, and your professional behavior at work. You want her to evaluate your behavior and get a general sense of your personality, so that by the time you have your first one-on-one interaction together, she will already perceive you as having highvalue, and she will be warmed up to your approach. == It is generally accepted that women are attracted to certain qualities in a man such as Confidence, Leadership, Preselection, Dominance, Non-needy, Social Intuition, Health, Wealth, Protector of Loved Ones, and Humor. In my personal experience, the ones that are the most potent for generating attraction in women at the workplace are Leadership, Preselection and being Non-needy. LEADERSHIP Take opportunities to lead others in a group project or volunteer to give a presentation to others. Where other co-workers appear flaky about leading, take charge of the situation by assuming leadership. This is where being Cool and Calm works in your favor. Exhibiting Cool and Calm behavior in the face of fast-paced or high-stress situations makes you worthy of being a Leader, and both your superiors as well as women will notice this. You're a Leader when you're Connected and can build camaraderie and motivation within others. Being You don't show up for work as if you're about to hang out with your friends at the club. Your attire is appropriate for the environment you work in, and you dress as one who best represents the company's image for your position. At the very least, you appear to be someone who leads, even if you're in an entry-level position. Your body is also cleaned and well-groomed. You have a manageable hairstyle, clean teeth and fresh breath. You know a woman has a keen sense of smell, so you need only wear little cologne or none at all for a natural scent, but at the very least you've showered, and have on deodorant. As a leader, you need not hover around a woman you're interested in talking to. You simply approach and open her for conversation. You believe that she actually WANTS you to talk to her.
You can motivate others to accomplish a common goal. Leadership also works in one on one interactions with your target. You need to "lead" the interaction. She expects this. She will be impressed by how others respond to you. Conveying Leadership will naturally cause a woman to perceive that you are both Confident and Dominant and have good Social Intuition. View yourself as the "owner" or "CEO" of the company where you work. By having an ownership mentality, you'll find that it's much easier to open other co-workers for conversation. And it will be. After all, these people work in the company that you "own". Therefore, you SHOULD get to know them, and they SHOULD get to know you. You are that important. Having an ownership mentality also helps you advance your career because you will naturally be one who cares about the organization and finding ways to make processes more efficient.
PRESELECTION A woman is attracted to a man who she knows other women find attractive. There must be something valuable about him The easiest way to convey preselection is to simply have conversations with women at work, preferably conversations that are non-work related. Because the workplace is a highly visible environment where there are always eyes and ears around, other women in the vicinity will see or hear you in conversation with a woman. Very few men actually have conversations with women at work. Remember, most of these men are either already in committed relationships, they have approach anxiety and afraid to offend, or they reserve their game until they're off company grounds for fear of a harassment complaint. What that means for you is having just a casual conversation with a woman will be appealing to other women. They will wonder what's so special about that woman that she has your attention instead of them. It also tells them that you're experienced and comfortable being with women. That you are a ladies' man. It's also attractive to women to see other women at your station or in your office talking with you. You can even mention that you're preselected. Mention something that happened to you can you last girlfriend. Even more effective, you can even use interactions that you've had with other women at work to demonstrate that you're preselected. If you have your own office or station, and women give you gifts, consider displaying a few of them on your desk or wall. When another woman asks about them, feel free to say that a "lady-friend
from another department" gave it to you. You don't have to name names. This will spark intrigued and perhaps a sense of jealousy in your target: You: "Yeah, my last girlfriend is really into fashion, so I learned few things about the industry from her. So yes, you've got good color coordination with your dress and shoes." You: "Yeah, a lady-friend of mine from Accounting came to my office and gave me a chocolate cupcake that she baked from scratch. It was very delicious." You: "Yeah, I was talking with a woman from Marketing yesterday about a similar topic. I'm surprised she had my attention for a good 10 to 15 minutes. She's a good conversationalist." Another option is to invite a lady-friend who doesn't work at your job, to accompany you to a company party or some other get-together at work. Or have her stop by and visit you from time to time. This one move will cause many women at your workplace to see you in a much more attractive light. If she asks why, be honest and tell her that you're interested in dating at work, and you feel that she will make you look good to other women. Trust me, she will be flattered.
NON-NEEDY Of all the alpha-male qualities you can communicate to a woman, the MOST POTENT quality you can communicate in the workplace is being non-needy. You're patient. You're not in a hurry to close her. You cut your conversations short. Women who perceive that you're patient with them makes them comfortable with you because you're not pushy. The also tend to assume that you have other women after your attention. Being non-needy also means that you don't make yourself too available. You rarely engage a woman in conversation, because you have other things going on in your life besides her. Therefore you are elusive to her. You don't need to stare at a woman or continually glance in her direction. Being non-needy means you're also elusive. You don't have lengthy conversations with women because you have a job to do. But you also want to tease her by showing her a just a little attention A foundation for being non-needy comes from having an abundance mentality. Know that there are many women who are looking for a man like you. So there is no need to be too attached to any one particular woman. Even if a woman shows disinterest later on in the courtship, other women will be made available to you. You have selection and choice. You are to become her lover, not her platonic friend, so instead of making yourself too available and doing nice things for her all the time, you are to be Elusive and Enchanting.
One of my lovers from work confessed to me, "Terrence, do you know why I chose you? Because you didn't chase after me." It's well known that women crave attention from men. So it stands to reason that when you withdraw such attention from her, when you show her that you don't need her, when you demonstrate that you can walk away, is when she will become more attracted to you, and will try her best to get back the attention that she lost. It is when you stop chasing her that you entice her to chase after you. The best way to attract women in the workplace is to behave as if you're not trying to attract them. Many women will make their interest known to you if they feel you're not chasing after them. Women tend to become more attracted to you when you behave as if you don't need them, and when you don't give them any special attention that they're accustomed to from most men. Often they wonder if it's because you are getting attention from other women. Your non-neediness will make a woman feel comfortable escalating a relationship with you because she won't feel pressured to do so like she would with a man who behaves as if he's way too interested in her. You are also patient. You never express too much interest too soon in any woman. And you never jump the gun and attempt to close a woman before she has shown strong interest in you. You know you get to see this woman the next day and the next day, so you have plenty of time and plenty of opportunities to begin a courtship with her. By being non-needy and elusive, you become a challenge to a woman. There must be something unique about you that you are NOT fawning over her and showering her with attention like other men in her life. Maybe other women have your attention and she isn't trying hard enough. You entice her to chase after you, and if she's interested in you, she WILL be enticed. You are now the prize that must be seized. Non-needy. If you call or approach a woman for conversation and she gives you obvious disinterest or she tells you she's "busy" or "not interested" or "not comfortable", you will immediately end the interaction and NEVER engage her in casual conversation again. You will not lower your value by becoming defensive and asking questions like "Why" or "I'm just trying to be friendly". Unless it's something work-related, leave her alone. You don't need her, therefore, you will no longer call or approach her for conversations. You will still treat her with professional courtesy, and at least greet her by saying "Hi" or "Good morning" when you pass by, but no conversations. When it comes to interacting with female co-workers specifically, the most important behaviors you'll want to exhibit is being Cool, Calm, and most of all, Non-needy. So by being Cool, Calm and Connected, your reputation will proceed you. And you will generate attraction with a greater number of women in the company than the handful who are in your department. Women will know about you and become curious before you even meet. Women who once appeared to be standoffish and shy are now approaching you. And when they get together in their little circles and start talking about cute guys at
work, your name will come up. You will be "eligible" in her eyes. You will be "convenient" for her. You will be a potential suitor. So take an interest in yourself, your work and the lives of your customers and co-workers, and the women will follow.
HUMOR (COMPLETED) If I had to choose a fourth quality that is valuable for attracting women in the workplace, I would have to say Humor. But this isn't about stand-up comedy and making punch line jokes. It's more about being witty, which is essentially seeing the amusement in present circumstances, and making a cleverly humorous comment or gesture about it. When women say that they like a man with a sense of humor, it usually means two things. 1) They like a man who can be witty, or even sarcastic at times. And 2) they like a man who doesn't take life too seriously and can create bright moments in the presence of boredom or anxiety. It's not necessary to be highly energetic when being humorous. In fact, it is sexy to be humorous while having a Cool and Calm resolve. Being witty is a basic attribute of flirting. A witty comment or gesture made at the right moment can truly lighten the mood among a group of people, and even spark attraction in one-on-one interactions with women. And because the workplace can be stressful or even mundane and boring, your humor can break the ice and liven up those around you. But your humor should be used in moderation. You are to date women, not entertain them. DATE WOMEN WHO GIVE YOU STRONG INTEREST Because this Guide is designed to help you enter into romantic relationships with less risk and less stress, it stands to reason that you should date only those women who express strong interest in you. It's not enough to get a woman to smile or laugh and think that she's attracted to you. Understand that most women at work will be open to your approach as a polite courtesy in order to foster a friendly work environment. In other words, most women at work will give you only casual interest, which includes the occasional smile or laugh, but do NOT assume a woman is attracted to you just because she's merely open and to you in conversation. Any woman who gives you less than strong interest is generally not interested in dating you at the moment. So it doesn't matter how attractive you think she is. She must express similar feelings for you in order to be worth dating. Therefore, always look for strong interest in a woman before you close her for a date. TARGET ONLY THOSE WOMEN WHO SHOW AN INTEREST IN YOU ON A CONSISTENT BASIS, AND OF THOSE WOMEN, DATE THE ONES WHO SHOW THE STRONGEST INTEREST. A good illustration of this is to imagine ten women lined up in a row. Five of these women are smiling at you, and are open and receptive to you in conversation. Target these five women for conversation. And of these five women, two of them are giving you particularly strong interest. Date these two women.
In other words, screen for casual interest, then target strong interest. In some cases, a woman will give you strong interest right off the bat. "The term 'target' should not be viewed as your 'victim.' Your target is your goal, your intention."
ATTRACT WOMEN INDIRECTLY Don't show too much interest in a woman before she has expressed interest in you. Even if you are attracted to her, you must NOT show this in your words or behavior. This part of being Non-needy. You must talk and communicate body language the same way you would with your sister, or even your mother, at least initially. You must communicate your interests indirectly, and this is done primarily through your conversations. You want to test the waters to see who is attracted to you and show isn't, all while maintaining a woman's comfort levels. Once you show a woman some attention through conversation, she will generally reveal her interests in you, whether it is professional, platonic or romantic. CHASE TWO FOXES Chasing two foxes serves two purposes: 1- shows your target that you are preselected 2- have a backup plan if the first one fails When it comes to selecting a woman to date, don't put all your eggs in one basket. Meaning, be open to interacting with two or more women instead of focusing on just one.
WHACK-A-MOLE You might recall the kids' game "Whack-a-mole", where you use a mallet to "whack" the moles that pop up out of the different holes. Some women will show interest while others show disinterest, and as time passes the roles will be reversed, where those who appeared interested are now showing disinterest, and those who appeared disinterested are now showing interest, usually in a cycle.
This is why it's important to chase two foxes instead of one. Because you don't know when a woman will have a change of heart about you. Instead of focusing on only one woman and waiting on her, be aware of other women who will "pop up" with interest in you.
if it comes to light that you are dating another woman, it can only increase your value in her eyes because it shows that you're preselected; that other women have an interest in you. > sometimes a woman will develop attraction for you when you're not specifically targeting her. Just because she's not interested now, doesn't mean she won't be interested later. In such cases, expect her to seek interaction weeks or months from now. Chasing two foxes is useful for communicating pre-selection to the women involved. This isn't about being a two-timer or womanizer. Once you find a woman who wants to date you, then you can focus on her exclusively. But until that time comes, keep your options open. Because if there's more than one woman at your workplace, you'll find that sometimes the woman you're not specifically targeting will turn out to have the strongest interest in you. And if you're too wrapped up in one woman who still has not given you the time of day, you could be missing out on a potentially rewarding experience with the woman who is open to dating you. Instead of waiting on that one mole to come up out of the hole, you must be open to others who are making themselves open to you. By chasing two foxes, you're exemplifying that you're both non-needy and pre-selected. Because by withdrawing your interest in a woman who has not given you any particular strong interest, you compel her to feel attracted to you. She'll begin to wonder "How come he doesn't come around like he used to?" "Is it another woman?" This also helps you in being non-needy because you don't have to be a try-hard in winning your current target or worry about losing her; because you already have a backup plan.
PLANTING AND WATERING THE SEED Women sometimes have mood swings or they experience adverse circumstances that affect her desire to date. But you are to NOT to concern yourself with this. All you need to do is take the initiative and show her some attention. You are to plant the seed. Plant the seed of interest in her. So plant the seed by showing her some genuine attention, water it by approaching her for a second or third interaction, and even if she shows disinterest and you stop interacting with her, have full confidence that over time, her interest in you will grow. Just smiling and saying "Hello" as you pass by is watering the seed. You behaviors is watering the seed. You very presence is watering the seed, so that when the time is right for her, she will bring forth fruits of attraction and desire to date you.
She will REMEMBER your interest, thereby making it easier for her to express interest in you.
Therefore, by exhibiting the behaviors in this chapter, you are communicating to woman the type of man that you are. It is possible to win the affections of several women in your workplace simply by being the things in this chapter. It may not happen on your first encounter, but your personality does have an effect on them, and over time it will grow to the point where when her personal circumstances allow her the opportunity to date, you will be at the top of her list or potential suitors. ===
So in summary, > First you want to exhibit Cool, Calm and Connected behavior, then communicate aspects of Leadership, Pre-Selection and being Non-needy, which will enhance your value in terms of being a romantic interest to women. As illustrated in the peacock example, all of the elements combined causes you to behave in a way that attracts women without "trying" to attract them. By exhibiting these behaviors alone, sometimes a woman can be so attracted to you as to want to date you withOUT needing lengthy conversations and "building comfort" beforehand. > Next, attract only those women who are giving you interest on a consistent basis. Test just how interested she is in you by your conversations. Remember I said that the Foundations chapter is important. If you're interested in workplace dating, but still have some apprehensions, then I encourage you to simply Be the things outlined in this chapter. Don't worry about what to "say" or what to "do". Just be. Over time, you will notice that women will be more receptive to you. As I mentioned earlier, you don't have to rush doing all of the examples within this chapter. I recommend that you start out applying one or two, and build from there as you are comfortable doing so. But understand clearly that by applying the principles in this chapter alone, opportunities for career advancement and attracting women will simply fall into place for you, with little effort on your part. I would like to reiterate the importance of the Foundations chapter, so important in fact that I’ll let you in on a secret: It is possible to read ONLY the Foundations chapter and be more successful at workplace dating than the guy who reads all other chapters and concerns himself only with what to “say” and “do”.
CHAPTER 3: FEMALE BEHAVIOR
Women are generally self-conscious about two things in the workplace, both of which are important to understand why they behave the way they do: 1- SOCIAL CONDITIONING. This is the standard behavior of women in the club, except it's tailored for the workplace environment. At an early age, women were taught things like, "Sit up straight", "Keep your legs closed", "Keep your head up", "Be assertive" and "Don't show any weakness". Such teachings reflect her behavior at work. And more and more women are getting college degrees to stay competitive and to elevate themselves above the "dumb blonde" stigma. As a result, most women in the workplace assume very conservative values and behaviors so as to respect themselves and to appear confident, strong and competitive in the eyes of others. So the social conditioning is actually stronger in the office than at the club because now she's consciously aware that her appearance, performance and behaviors are being monitored and judged by her superiors, the people who affect her employment and advancement within the organization. 2 SOCIAL REPUTATION. The only image she wants to project at work is that she is a good, responsible worker. She wants to keep her professional life and personal life separate. In other words, she doesn't want people at work to know who she's hooking up with at work. Therefore, you must be discreet in your interactions with her, especially if other co-workers are nearby. Your voice is powerful enough to carry across a quiet room or hallway. She does NOT want to be perceived as the company whore, or the girl who flirts with other guys at work. Once your conversations goes beyond work-related topics to more personal or intimate topics, there will generally be a slight awareness of peering eyes and ears. Certain forms of physical escalation you may indulge in when no one's looking, she will NOT do in the presence of other co-workers. Women generally care about keeping their intimate lives private. Part of maintaining her comfort levels is to exercise discretion. So if you stop by her office, make it a point to chat with a few of the co-workers there, including male coworkers. When you're finished chatting with them, say something like, "Well, gotta go. I'm making my rounds to say Hi to everyone." Say it fairly loud so nearby co-workers can hear you. The point is to have a reason for being there other than her. This gives them the impression that you are not there to visit any one particular woman, which reduces gossip. You may say the same to her. Although it won't make her feel as special, at the same time she won't feel specifically targeted which may reduce her comfort levels. She will appreciate your discretion. (you should talk to two or more women to create a sense of jealousy in your target).
"if people see him constantly at your desk or in your area, the rumor mill will start. This is very detrimental to a woman in business, especially in a business where men are more prevalent because then she becomes a sexual object instead of a well respected educated intelligent woman. Trust me.....this I've experienced. Women who want to be very successful in their positions, who want to advance in their careers based on their merits and accomplishments (not their looks) have to be VERY careful how the behave, and how they allow others to behave around them in the workplace."
WOMEN GO THROUGH MOODS OR EMOTIONAL PHASES This is why it is important to plant the seeds of attraction mentioned in the Foundations chapter. What this means is that a woman who initially felt no attraction for a man, can feel attracted at a later time. Watering the seed helps this process.
SOME WOMEN ARE NOT INTERESTED IN DATING THEIR CO-WORKERS WOMEN HAVE PREFERENCES IN MEN > Just like there are women who you prefer to date, women have preferences in the men they like to date. No matter how 'alpha' you come across, she still may NOT be interested or attracted to you. And if she appears to be flirting with fellow co-worker John and not you, it doesn't mean you should behave like John to win her. She may have her sights set on him alone and isn't interested in other men at the moment. Or John may possess physical characteristics or behaviors that are appealing to her, that are different from yours. Understand, this doesn't mean that John is somehow "better" than you overall. She still may not be interested. The good news is there ARE women who are attracted to you, and I will show you how to find them. There are women who will be attracted to YOU, and not John.
So if a woman is not interested in dating you, it means one of three things: 1) She will NOT date anyone from work. 2) You are NOT her preferred type. 3) She is going through some adverse circumstances that prohibit her from enjoying a date with you. I mention this so that you don't get too attached to any particular woman, so that in the event she declines your offer for a date, you don't take it personally. Her declining will be because of HER, and not because of you. The point is do not take her declining you date as a personal offense.
You will notice that some women dress conservatively and wear very little makeup, usually indicating that they there ONLY to work, not to attract men or receive any special attention from them.
When it comes to interacting with women, many women will be open to conversation to you as a matter of courtesy, and to foster a friendly work environment. Others will give you strong signals indicating that they view you as a romantic interest. And there may be some women who are secretly attracted to you but will NOT reveal this to you. These women either have professional or personal circumstances that prohibit them from enjoying a relationship with you, or they are concerned about the potential problems that arise from workplace relationships. Whatever her reasons, she will show you only casual interest. Some women will make their interest known to you before you target them. Others will express interest after you approach them. === FEMALE MANIPULATORS Female manipulators are women who use men for entertainment, therapy, or non-work related favors, without giving those men the opportunity to date or have sex with them. 2 types of female manipulators: Friendly Manipulators (most common) and Vindictive Manipulators (least common) Friendly Manipulators They use you for entertainment, therapy, or non-work related favors, with NO intentions of dating you. She manipulates you into giving her the things she wants, while giving you little or nothing in return. She appears open to you in conversation, but she uses you either as "entertainment" value, or as her therapist to vent about her problems, her lovers, or to receive attention and flattery from you. Some will also attempt to get you to do non-work related favors, such as help them with personal errands or chores. These women generally won't file a harassment complaint against you because they enjoy what you do for them. She views you more as a "friend" than a lover. > She senses that you like her more than a professional or platonic relationship, but instead of clearly telling you she has no intentions of giving you the things you want, she will "lead you on", giving you the impression that she has similar interests in you. She does this so that she can continue using you for her benefit. Understand that a man that is too indirect in expressing his feelings to this type of woman is the root cause for his continued manipulation. Until he "mans up" I want to add that there is a difference between being a woman's genuine friend, and being in her friend's zone. The basic difference is that genuine friends actually do things
for one another, and willingly make themselves available to each other. It's a reciprocal process, with neither person significantly giving or taking. Nobody's keeping score, because the love within the friendship is beyond such pettiness. A real friend will do MORE for you than you do for them. I have women in my life who are constantly trying to get me to come over and eat a home-cooked meal and watch TV with them. Or they'll invite me to join them on an outing. They even pay my way sometimes. We don't have sex, but they also don't ask a lot from me. These women are genuine friends. The point is: If a woman is doing nice things for you while asking little in return, she is a genuine friend and you should value that relationship. You could even turn it into a romantic relationship if she's open to the idea. But if you find yourself doing way more for a woman than she does for you, then you're likely in her friend's zone. And once you're there, realize that she does NOT value you the way genuine friends value each other. She doesn't hate you; she likes you for being her source of entertainment, therapy and favors. She's using you for the things you do for her, and she frequently shows resistance or complains if you ask her for a favor. In her mind, you are there for HER, not the other way around. And should you go separate ways, she won't miss you personally. She will miss only your servitude to her.
Vindictive Manipulators She's open to you in conversation, and may even be attracted to you. That lasts as long as things go her way. However if you don't do the thing she wants, or she has a "problem" with you, then she will either coerce you to do what she wants with threats of filing a harassment complaint against you, or she will actually take action against you with the HR department. Put bluntly, her response for anything that doesn't go her way with a male co-worker results in a harassment complaint. Her response to a male co-worker who declines her request for a date? A harassment complaint. Her response to a male coworker who received a promotion or recognition she felt she deserved? A harassment complaint. Her response to her male supervisor who expresses disapproval with her work performance? A harassment complaint. These women will cry wolf in an effort to sabotage the reputation and employment of male co-workers. She insists that you assist her with her work-related tasks, even those that aren't mission critical. She frequently criticizes you for how you do your job, and frequently tells you how she thinks you should do it. These women are bullies. Some of these women will file a harassment complaint in an effort to take a man's job title. Others simply don't like certain men and will cry wolf just to get them fired. Whereas Friendly Manipulators will attempt to manipulate you personally, Vindictive Manipulators will attempt to manipulate the company to take action against you. These
women KNOW that harassment policies are tipped heavily in a woman's favor, and they will use this to their advantage by creating elaborate stories about a man's behavior that cannot be easily proven or disproven, such as, "He passes by my desk and gives me these lewd looks, and it makes me uncomfortable." or "He was staring at my breasts" or "He asked me for sex when nobody was around." Some Vindictive Manipulators will go so far as to play the system in an effort to sue the company for financial gain. In rare instances, two or more Vindictive Manipulators will team up and conspire to file a complaint against a particular male co-worker they want removed from the company. You can usually spot a Vindictive Manipulator by her frequently moody, bitchy and complaining behavior. She typically makes condescending remarks about others, she seems to always have a problem with how the company operates, and will frequently complain to a co-worker's supervisor if that co-worker isn't doing their job in a way that benefits her. Some Vindictive Manipulators are quite unproductive on the job, and are adverse to change or additional tasks to their workload. They also tend to have a history of filing several harassment complaints at the same company. You won't encounter Vindictive Manipulators as often as you will Friendly Manipulators, but it is important for you to know that they do exist, and to avoid interacting with them. If you possess an optimistic mindset, these women cannot harm you. You can take it a step further and choose to see these women as loving and respectful in nature. But never attempt to date a woman you perceive to be a vindictive manipulator, even if she’s giving you strong interest. Because of the barriers above as well as to avoid being manipulated at work, your primary goal is to get her away from the office environment and into a setting where you can escalate free from workplace social conditioning and possible harassment complaints. If you have developed enough trust and comfort for her to meet you outside of work, these barriers will be usually be non-existent anyway.
WOMEN WHO ARE OPEN TO DATING > Her makeup is more colorful or enhanced than normal, especially blush. > Her clothing is tighter or shorter than normal. > She walks with a more noticeable swishing of her hips. She will do this with emphasis if she passes by men who can see her. Understand that not all women in the workplace will behave like this. Some women behave more conservatively but will still give you interest.
CHOOSE THE GOOD GIRL Just like women will monitor your behaviors before expressing an interest in you, you too must be aware of the behaviors of potential targets before choosing one to date. Is she open and friendly to others? Or closed off and moody? Is she sassy and flirty? Or quiet and passive aggressive? To be on the safe side, when selecting a target, choose the "good girl" type. You want to look for someone who is consistently open and friendly. Someone who doesn't get easily annoyed or upset. Someone who avoids arguing and criticizing. A woman who keeps her cool and tries to maintain good relations with others. Even finding one that alternates between being friendly and being moody is not good enough. You want a woman who is consistent in good behavior. You want to target “good girls” for two reasons: 1. Because relationships with “good girls” is just plain easier. They’re open, understanding, and very considerate of you. And 2: Because in the event something goes wrong during the courtship, or you need to end the relationship, these women are far less prone to react vindictively. As long as you've been up front about your intentions and been respectful towards her, she will be very understanding when the courtship ends because you’ve been open and honest from the start.
CHAPTER 4: ATTRACTION THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING INDIRECT IN THE WORKPLACE In the outside world, you can safely walk up to a woman, strike up a conversation, and ask her out on a date. She'll either accept or decline your offer. If she accepts your offer, good! If she declines your offer, you go your way, and she goes hers. No big deal. But in the workplace environment, you should NOT be so direct so soon, especially with women who work in your department, or women who you often assist with work-related tasks. This is because in the event she is NOT interested or attracted to you, there exists the possibility of her feeling uncomfortable with you, and depending on how "bold" or "forward" she perceives you were towards her, she may even file a harassment complaint against you. And besides, you have to see each other the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and it can create somewhat awkward moments when you're in each other's presence. Or worse, she could feel uncomfortable and wonder if you will attempt to "hit on" her again. The problem is you asked for a date prematurely, before getting evidence that she's even interested in you. No, not all women will react adversely to direct, forward behavior, but to minimize the chances of this ever happening, you want to first interact with her in ways that gives you evidence that she is genuinely attracted to you, BEFORE you attempt to close her for a date. And this is coming from someone who actually prefers the direct approach. The point is: In general, workplace dating is a "slow burn" process. Therefore, you want to attract women at work INdirectly. You want to first "test the waters" to see who's attracted to you and who isn't. Those who are attracted to you WILL give you clear signals where it is safe for you escalate the courtship. Those who are NOT attracted to you will also give you clear signals, but without feeling uncomfortable with you. We will discuss instances where you can safely be more direct within the workplace, but for now, know that your primary means of attracting women at work will be indirect.
THE IMPORTANCE OF CHOOSING WOMEN WHO ARE INTERESTED IN YOU...NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND The process for finding the right women is simple. TARGET ONLY THOSE WOMEN WHO SHOW AN INTEREST IN YOU ON A CONSISTENT BASIS, AND OF THOSE WOMEN, DATE THE ONES WHO SHOW THE STRONGEST INTEREST.
Another way of putting it: target only those women who show an interest in you, while being strictly professional with those who do not.
Notice that I didn't say to target any woman that YOU wanted. This Guide is written to help you to find only those women who you will have the greatest success at entering into a romantic relationship with, and doing so while preserving your reputation and your job. With this in mind, it is more advantageous for you to look for those women who are genuinely interested in you, rather than any one particular woman that you want. You don't want to go around pressuring or convincing women to date you just because you think you are a gentleman and are good with women. There can be a variety of reasons why a woman won't date a particular man from work. She may be adverse to workplace romances. She may be going through some circumstances that prohibit her from enjoying a relationship with him. Or he simply may not be her preferred type, no matter how "alpha" he comes across. On the surface, it seems absurd and too limiting to be advised that you should be indirect and choose only those women who are interested in you. You may be thinking, "Hey, I'm an easy-going, non-needy kind of guy. If I find a woman I'm attracted to, I'll just strike up a conversation, and ask her out on a date without all the games. If she's not interested and tells me No, then I'll move on. No big deal." And I say, no big deal to YOU. But for some women in the workplace, it IS a big deal. The very fact that a man asked her out on a date when she's not interested in him can adversely affect her behavior in the workplace as it relates to him. She can feel uncomfortable when he's around because she declined his request for a date, and she's worried he might treat her differently. He might legitimately talk to her about something work-related, but she could be on edge, wondering if he has ulterior motives. Long after he's forgotten about being declined for a date, she may wonder if his very presence in the vicinity is an attempt to stalk or "harass" her. This has nothing to do with playing the silly game of "not revealing your cards of interest too soon to a woman." This is about "not revealing your cards of interest to the WRONG woman."
Again, not all women are like this, but it's important for you to know that there are some women who actually react negatively to a man who expresses too much interest when she isn't interested, even if she appeared open and friendly during the interaction. These women may have had some bad relationship experiences, and she is therefore very cautious around men who express too much interest when she's not interested in them. Therefore you must be indirect and determine her level of interest in you first. Again, all this is coming from a man who actually prefers the direct approach. It doesn't matter how "hot" or "perfect" you think a woman is. She MUST have similar feelings for you, and she must prove that by giving you interest in your interactions before you close her for a date.
Remember that being Cool, Calm and Connected at the workplace will be your foundation for generating attraction with women at work. Just to reiterate, you want her to get to know you indirectly by your confident appearance, how well you interact with other co-workers, how delicate you handle your customers, and your professional
behavior at work. This is appealing to a woman, and she will be warmed up to your approach. But even if she's never seen or heard of you, it's still possible to cause her to feel attracted to you. You are the man and the workplace is your domain. Be dominant in your approaches. Never hover around a woman, pacing back and forth trying to figure out what to say. And if she's in her office or cubicle, do NOT peek just your head in the doorway in an attempt to start a conversation. Such weak behavior can cause her to feel uncomfortable with you before you even open your mouth. Determine beforehand how you are going to open her, and then approach confidently. Be dominant and stand in the doorway so she can see your entire masculine body in all its glory. Because you ARE a high-value male and professional at your company, you can confidently approach and introduce yourself to ANY woman within your domain: You: "Hi. I've seen you here for awhile and I never introduced myself. I'm John." You: "Excuse me. You're a new face to me and I wanted to meet you. I'm John." You: "You know, by the looks of your outfit you must work in our fashion department." You: "Excuse me, do you work here, or will I have to call security?" If a woman is actually in the middle working when you approach her, you can use legitimate time constraints to give her the impression that you don't intend to stay longer than she's expecting: You: "Hi. I have to get back to work here, but you're a new face to me and I wanted to introduce myself. I'm John." You: "Hi. I can't stay long because I'm busy, but I've seen you around here and I was curious as to who you are. I'm John."
From there, you can stay casual by asking questions like what she does and how she's enjoying her job. You may then follow-up with telling her a little about yourself and demonstrating value. Give her the impression that you are an important person at the company, while also validating her for who she is. You might even share a short Story about some observation or experience you had: You: "I work in the I.T. department, and I help others with their computer problems." You: "I'm a light switch operator. I make sure all the lights switches in the building flip up and down properly. You have no idea how incredibly exhilarating that is." You: "No, I don't really work here. I'm only talking to you because I recently lost my job and was hoping you made enough money to support me."
Your first interaction can last as little as 30 seconds and still give her a positive impression of you without coming across as needy: You: "Well, I'm busy right now, but it was nice meeting you." Unless she is showing you strong interest in the moment, DON'T attempt to close her. You want to attract AND build comfort first. Yes, building comfort in the workplace is possible and is expected. Causing her to feel comfortable with you at work makes the closing process easier, as well as escalating to sex with little to no resistance. So don't give her the impression that your first interaction was an attempt to hit on her. She has to come back to work the next day and the next day, so you want her to feel comfortable being around you. And you don't have to have a conversation every time you cross paths, especially if you see each other every day. Simply say "Hello" or "Good morning" and get to work. Sometimes when you pass by, just giving her good eye contact and a little smile can generate attraction...without even saying a word. At a later time, perhaps the next day, or even a week after your first interaction, you can open her in conversation to gauge her interest in you. LEGITIMATE TIME CONSTRAINTS If YOU approach HER for conversation, it helps to open with a legitimate time constraint, especially if she appears to be busy working. It's "legitimate" as opposed to "false" because you actually have a job to do. So you're giving her the impression that you don't intend to stay longer than she's expecting, especially if she's really busy. Such a courtesy will ease her anxiety and cause her to be more open to your approach. But of course it will be even more effective if she actually WANTS you to stay, because women are attracted to men who elude them, not men who make themselves too available. As a matter of courtesy, time constraints should be applied with ANY employee you approach that's in the middle of working. Remember, you're "on the job" and you want to be elusive, so use legitimate time constraints to your advantage: You: "I can't stay long because I'm busy, but I wanted to ask for your opinion on something." You: "I have to get back to work here, but I want to tell you about something interesting that happened to me the other day." You: "I can't stay on the phone long, but I saw this movie last night and it made me think of you." You: "I only have a second, but I noticed that your hairstyle is different from last week, and it looks marvelous." You: "I'm just passing though to take care of something, but I wanted to ask how is your day going so far?"
At the same time, it's not always necessary to approach with a time constraint if you sense that she's open and receptive to you in conversation. In such cases, sometimes opening her with "Hello." or "How's your day?" works well.
COMFORT IN THE WORKPLACE Building comfort with a woman serves two important purposes: 1. It allows you to test the waters to see who is genuinely attracted to you and who isn't. This will be accomplished primarily by the conversations you have with a woman. In general, the more comfortable a woman is with you, the more open and forthcoming she will be about expressing her interest in you, whether it is professional, platonic or romantic. 2. It helps you to create attraction in women who otherwise would not have expressed any noticeable interest in you. The amount of attention you give a woman and the quality of your conversations has the potential to cause her to feel drawn to you. You can "spark" attraction within a woman through your conversations. By being Cool, Calm and Connected, you have already established a sense of comfort with those women who work in your area, and they will be warmed up to interacting with you. You have "primed" them to be open to conversation with you. Part of the comfort phase is simply being in the same vicinity with you. You will be building comfort even if you're not talking face to face. Merely being in your presence is building comfort with her. How she sees you interacting with others is also part of building comfort with her. By your friendly personality, she will see you as an open personality and approachable. But you also want to have a few one-on-one encounters to solidify her comfort with you. Understand that in general, workplace dating is a slow burn process. Because you want to avoid the friend's zone by not talking with her all the time, and because you want to maintain her comfort levels in the workplace, the slow burn process means that it can take days, weeks, or even a few months to generate enough attraction and comfort for the close to succeed. Yes, it's possible to close certain women the same day you've met, but they will usually be women who work in a different department, or women who you don't encounter often. But for those women you are in frequent contact with (such as those who work in your department, those you often assist with work-related tasks, or even casual acquaintances), you want to slowly build the fire between you two through good conversation and sexual tension.
The basic premise of having a good conversation with a woman at work is to talk about anything other than work. Even if it starts out with something work-related, simply transition from it. Steer her mind away from logically processing today's work assignments, and into a world of fun and adventure where her emotions are stimulated. A woman is turned on by what she hears, and she loves to have her thoughts and senses stimulated in order to fully immerse herself in the experience. Capture and lead her imagination. Talk about something interesting that happened to you or a friend. Talk about relationships or childhood experiences. Talk about cool places you've gone, and interesting people you've met. Talk about hobbies. Talk about favorite songs, favorite movies and favorite foods. Find commonalities. A plus is if your Stories contain elements that demonstrate value for yourself, such as Preselection, Leader of Men, Social Proof, Protector of Loved Ones and Humor. Fill your Stories with visualizations...with emotions...with excitement...with feeling: You: You can communicate a poetic side of your personality: You: "You know, it's interesting. On my way to work this morning I saw this beautiful pair of yellow butterflies just fly past my windshield. It's as if they were dancing together in the morning sunlight against the backdrop of a clear, blue sky. And as I felt the warmth of the sun on my face, I thought the moment was really magical. Have you ever seen anything like this?" Her: "Oh yes, all the time. I love nature." You: ...and I felt as if I was really immersed in the story." But a very important aspect of being a good conversationalist is being a good listener. Really listen to her as she speaks and expresses herself. Instead of thinking about what to say next, pay attention to what she's saying and the feelings associated with her comments. Her feedback can be used to establish commonalities, to validate/tease her, and to direct the conversation in creative ways that will stimulate her interests. It's vital to know that she wants to be heard and understood in the conversation. This also serves to establish an emotional connection between you two. She will become so intrigued by how well you communicate and how well you listen, that she will look forward to encountering you again: Her: "...and I told them at the meeting that we could generate more sales if we used my concept in the marketing campaign, but it's like they weren't even listening." You: "Yeah, I could tell you put a lot of thought into that idea, and it would be nice to be appreciated for it. And I feel that when you put forth the effort to share your ideas, it shows just how unique you are..."
CASUAL TOPICS: > Situational topics (something you noticed about her office or your office, some news or event recently heard about, something she's wearing, or ask for her opinion about something) > CONVERSATIONS ABOUT FAVORITE THINGS, HOBBIES AND RECENT EVENTS favorite movies, favorite foods Favorite foods If you intend to ask her out to lunch or dinner, then getting into conversation about favorite foods is a good way to find out what she likes to eat, and then later suggesting an accommodating restaurant when you close her for a date. These are considered casual, "safer" topics that most women will be open and comfortable talking about Recent events include things that have happened to you within the week, or even asking her how has her day been?
Note that you can stay with topics about favorite things and hobbies, and successfully close her. If she's genuinely attracted to you, you don't have to have conversations that are "too deep". However, if you want to deepen the emotional connection with her, there are two other conversation topics that will work wonders. PERSONAL TOPICS CONVERSATIONS ABOUT HOPES AND DREAMS She already is bombarded with the real world of chores, and not enough fantasy and illusion. Conversations about hopes and dreams allow you to paint her a picture of her fantasy, and it will be something that connects her to you. They need not be about finding Mr. Right. She might want to take a trip around the world, or own a larger house, or start her own business. PERSONAL TOPICS CONVERSATIONS ABOUT DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS One of the best conversational topics you can have to attract a woman at work is dating and relationships, particularly romantic relationships. Women LOVE to talk about dating and relationships. They love to conversate about how relationships start and how they
develop over time. They're favorite hobbies (other than shopping) include reading romantic novels and watching chick flicks, both of which center around principles of dating and relationships. And they're all but willing to offer advice on what you should do to make your relationships better. Use this to your advantage. By being creative, you can talk about chick flicks or romantic songs, and transition to dating and relationships. Talk about how two people connect and get to know each other. This gives you an idea of how she views relationships and whether she is worth your time and effort in pursuing one together. Talking about romantic relationships ultimately causes her to think about sex since the two are directly related. You: "Have you seen the movie Armageddon with Bruce Willis? One of my favorite scenes is at the end where the astronauts return home from their space mission. They get out of the spaceship and walk towards dozens of supporters. And this is all happening in slow motion. And suddenly, you see a beautiful woman emerge from the crowd, and she's running towards one of the astronauts. And he's running towards her. And when they finally meet and embrace each other, you can feel the love and passion they have for each other in that moment. Have you ever experienced something that magical with someone in your life?" You: "Have you heard the song...? I love the lyrics. That was a favorite song for me and my last girlfriend. Did you ever have a favorite song with someone special in your life? You: "I saw a show the other day that talked about dating, and it said that most men know what women want in a relationship. Do you agree with that?" (** give example that's not monogamous oriented**) You can gather so much information about your target about this conversation. You can find out what turns her on, what turns her off, what she's looking for in an ideal man. She will reveal experiences she's had in past relationships that will provide you with information about what she likes and doesn't. Another benefit of talking about dating and relationships is that it easily leads into conversations about love, romance and sex. Even if these specific subjects don't come up, she will at least imagine the experiences, and associate those thoughts with you. You want to influence her to associate the desires of her Hopes and Dreams or Dating and Relationships with you. You are opening her to the possibility of sharing those experiences with you in reality. You will appear to be a man that understands women, and knows what they want. Note that some women consider it a little too personal to talk about their hopes and dreams, or their experiences with dating and relationships. So the best way to lead her into these territories is to first share with her a personal experience you had related to these topics. A woman will usually feel more comfortable opening up about these topics
if you share your experiences or views first. If she stops smiling, breaks eye contact with you, or gives you short answers, it means she's not comfortable talking about it, and you should transition to a casual topic. But at the same time, these types of conversations subcommunicate that you're interested in her beyond casual chit-chatting. You're genuinely trying to get to know more about her. These topics also amplify her emotional connection towards you. However, if you're not sure how attracted she is to you, stay with casual topics like favorite things.
You must speak her language. Women enjoy having their imaginations and emotions stimulated, and they visualize and feel the words you say. So you want to make your language sensory-rich. The quality of your language can have a profound impact on her. You want to sound somewhat poetic, or even spiritual. A woman is turned on by what she hears. She is seduced by the words of your mouth. Elements of Speed Seduction and The Sexual Key are instrumental in having effective conversations with women you're interested in dating. You will learn how to talk with women in ways that turns them on without being overtly sexual. You can seduce a woman with words alone.
========= SEXUAL TENSION You must also introduce some sort of sexual tension into your interactions at work as it enhances her attraction towards you and makes you a potential suitor in her eyes. If there's no sexual tension, then you will appear to be the average, boring guy who keeps his distance and doesn't take any risks, which is grounds for the friend's zone. But before we discuss what creating sexual tension is about, let's discuss what it is NOT about. Creating sexual tension is NOT about saying a bunch of overtly sexual comments or "talking dirty" to her. So do NOT say things like, "Damn baby, you got a lot of junk in your trunk!" or "You're a bad girl, and you should be spanked." If you're too explicit, and she's not sexually open and playful at the moment, she will resist you so as to not appear like a slut, and may consider what you say as a form of harassment. Another problem with making overtly sexual comments is other co-workers nearby can take offense. Your voice is strong enough to be heard through cubicle walls and down the halls. And people within earshot can file a harassment complaint against you if they feel offended by what you're saying, even if you aren't talking directly to them. So avoid sexualized comments. With that said, let's see what creating sexual tension is about. Creating sexual tension is about creating an experience in which your target's imagination, senses and emotions are stimulated to the point where she feels emotionally and sexually attracted to you.
Your primary tool for creating sexual tension with your target is YOUR EYES. With every one-on-one interaction with your target, you absolutely MUST look into her eyes as you talk and listen. When she is talking, look lovingly into her eyes with a slight smile, like the Mona Lisa. And never break eye contact before she does. You can also make quick glances at her lips once or twice while in conversation, but the key is to make sure she is looking at you when you do it, as looking at her lips suggests kissing her, but then go right back to maintaining eye contact with an innocent demeanor. Good eye contact is so seductive and powerful to a woman, that few words need to be spoken in order for her to feel attracted to you. Also, women are skilled at reading body language, and therefore can pick up your interest in them at a subtle level. This is why you don't have to put too much emphasis on showing interest. Less is more. Your secondary tool for creating sexual tension is your tone of voice. When you have one-on-one conversations with your target you should bring your energy down to a calm, more seductive tone. You don't want to approach her with this high-energy, comedic behavior like Steve Urkel or Pee-wee Herman. It's attractive to be witty, but remember, you are Cool and Calm. So you want to engage her by speaking slowly, warmly and expressively. The dominating energy you exude through good eye contact combined with a calm, resonating tone of voice will actually influence her to enter in a sensual frame of mind, allowing her to become emotionally connected to you. In these moments she may giggle and break eye contact with you, as she begins to feel the change in dynamic of your interaction. She might even compliment the effect you are having on her by saying things like, "I like the sound of your voice." or "I like the way you look at me." or "You're interesting." Your charming behavior ultimately causes her to view you more as a lover than a friend. You also want to be present with your target. Be in the moment. Don't think about what topic you're going to go to next. Once the chemistry is there and the tension is building, it is your non-verbals that does most of the talking (your eye contact, your body signals, the vibe you give to each other).
FLIRTING She leads, you follow. This means if she makes a comment or gesture, you can respond with a witty comment or gesture, but it must be mild, and not too sarcastic or degrading of her. The same, If she makes a witty comment, her comments or gestures are casual in nature, then you respond casually. However, if she's a little more suggestive or flirting, then you can reply in kind, but only with the same level of intensity as her message. Remember, as a Leader, you must be in control of yourself and the interaction. Because you are still in the workplace, the most important aspect of flirting is that it should be mild. Remember that other co-workers are around and may take offense to what's being said or done in the interaction, or even start rumors.
If her facial expression turns too serious after a comment you made, smile and say "I'm kidding" and continue with the conversation. or even teases or makes suggestive comments, Being witty plays an essential role in flirting. You want to make cleverly humorous comments and gestures in your interaction, and show her that you have a fun, playful side.
In addition to having good eye contact when creating sexual tension, you can also include a combination of push-pull, compliment/neg, mixed signals, role-playing, Story-telling, body language and suggestive language. You're creating a world in which she is the main character in your play, but she doesn't know the script. She's not sure what you're going to say or do next. She can't figure you out. She's being riveted with anticipation. She's being mindfucked and loving it. And with each clever thing you say or do, you are exciting her and turning her on at the same time. So creating sexual tension is about stimulating her thoughts and feelings. It's about giving witty and creative answers to straight forward questions she asks. It's about looking seductively into her eyes and at her lips while she's talking. It's about criticizing her for something she says or does, then at a later time following up with something you appreciate about her, or vice versa. It's about making her feel that she's being listened to and understood. It's about calling her on her bullshit. It's about those silent moments when you simply look into each other's eyes before anyone speaks, and SHE looks away first. It's about having to "get back to work" just as things are starting to really heat up. It's about giving her a little bit of what she wants and then taking it away.
STATEMENT OF INTEREST Sometime during your interactions at work, you want to let her know that you're interested in her. Expressing your interest makes the closing process easier, because she's aware that you've taken an interest in her. But avoid making statements that are too forward like, "Hey, I like you. We should go out sometime." Your statement of interest should be modest and somewhat subtle, not too aggressive or deep. Also, you need say it only once or twice during the course of the courtship at work, not with every single interaction. Make it short and sweet: You: "I really enjoy talking with you."
You: "You know, you have an interesting personality, and that's something I don't see very often." You: "You crossed my mind the other day, and I thought about you for a moment." You: "At first I thought you might be like some of the average women I've known, but since getting to know you, you're actually quite intriguing." You: "You know, I actually look forward to talking with you from time to time."
COMPLIMENTING A WOMAN'S APPEARANCE Like a statement of interest, when it comes to complimenting a woman's appearance at work, it shouldn't be too forward like "You look hot!" It should be modest, yet thoughtful in nature. Also, you may say it only once or twice during the courtship at work, not everytime you see her or with every interaction like you're fawning over her. Less really is more. Instead of giving her a generalize compliment like "You look nice today", compliment something about her that is unique. You want to let her know that you notice that she took the time and effort to make herself look beautiful. Yes, women DO care that you notice, and therefore you will stand out from the other men because she realizes that you notice even the little things about her. You: "That dress goes exceptionally well with your shoes. You have good taste in fashion." You: "I like how your earrings accentuates the color of your eyes." You: "You have wonderful curls in your hairstyle. Did you get them professionally done?" You: "I think the colors in your makeup blend together so nicely."
THE IMPORTANCE OF SHORT AND SWEET CONVERSATIONS All conversations with your target at work should be short, sweet, and infrequent. A general rule of thumb is to talk with her once or twice per week, for only a few minutes (usually no more than 3 minutes). THE IMPORTANCE OF SHORT CONVERSATIONS Why so short? There are a few important reasons. Short conversations minimize rumors from other co-workers that something is going on between you when she doesn't want that type of attention. Also, in case she's not interested in having a conversation with you, at least the interaction will be short-lived.
But the most important reason for having short conversations in terms of attracting women at work is you want to project an aura of mystery and elusiveness about you, something that is incredibly attractive to women. Remember, women are more attracted to men who elude them, rather than men who are too available. If you make yourself too available for her, or attempt to tell her your whole life story, then she will become bored, uncomfortable, or even view you as a platonic friend. In addition, too much casual "small talk" kills the sexual chemistry between you two. You will have lost your seductive power and her interest. You may have several conversational topics lined up and feel compelled to discuss them all in the current interaction. DON'T. Save them for another interaction. She may even attempt to talk your head off with everything that's going on in her life. Wait for her to pause, then cut in and end the conversation. You can also project mysteriousness by keeping your responses short, with little elaboration, then redirecting the conversation from you to her. By eluding her through short conversations, you entice her to chase after you, like cat and mouse. Remember, your objective is to get her away from the workplace environment, not waste time "entertaining" her at work. Less truly is more when it comes to attracting women at work. So if you're worried about keeping the conversation going, relax. You are advised NOT to have lengthy conversations with women at work who you intend to date. Allow her only a small portion of your company and know when to cut your conversations short to keep her wanting more of you: You: "Well, I gotta get back to work. It was good talking to you." (if you approached her) You: "I'm pretty busy right now, but I look forward to talking to you again. Thanks for stopping by." (if she approached you) The "few minutes" guideline applies to women who you encounter quite frequently, such as women who work in your department, or women who you often assist with workrelated tasks. But for women who work in a different department, or women who you don't encounter often, conversational time can be extended for around 5 minutes. This allows time for both of you to play catch-up on the events in your lives, and to more solidify your presence in her mind when you're apart for long periods of time. THE IMPORTANCE OF INFREQUENT CONVERSATIONS The time frame between each interaction is also important. Approaching her once or twice per week is enough for her to realize that you have an interest in her, without coming across as being too needy. Now understand, SHE may approach YOU several times a week for conversation, provided that she's genuinely interested in you. However, YOU should not to approach HER too frequently. The time frame between each of your approaches serves some important purposes: It communicates that you're non-needy. It gives your interactions more of a fresh appeal. And most importantly, it allows you to test how interested she is in you, to see if she's interested enough to approach you for an
interaction. A woman approaching or calling you frequently is actually one of the strongest indicators of interest to look for in a woman who is attracted to you. Therefore, you are advised to approach her no more than twice in a row, and then wait for her to approach or call you for another interaction. In other words, your first two approaches is to sub-communicate your interest in her, but the third approach is on HER. But once you start interacting, make sure you stimulate her imagination and emotions, make sure to introduce sexual tension, and above all, make sure the conversation is brief. Because the conversations are brief, you don't have to rush the conversation by trying to talk about too many things in a short period of time. This isn't speed dating. Remember, you get to see each other the next day and the next day. So you don't have to "game" her as if you were at the club and you might never see her again. There are no time constraints in the workplace. With this in mind, realize that the conversation is only one part of the attraction process. Other parts include your professional appearance, your confident body language, your Cool and Calm behavior, and how she sees you interacting with others. All of these parts add up to... So it isn't all about the conversation. This is about utilizing multiple aspects of your persona and attracting her to the point where she will be open to spending time with you outside of the workplace. Therefore, in the grand scheme of things, you can cover A LOT of ground within a few minutes of conversation. You don't have to look at the time to see if you're talking for too long. But your conversations should NOT be too lengthy like over 10 minutes. Also, avoid talking with her on break in the workplace, even if she invites you. This inevitably leads to long conversations that, and you jeopardize your mysterious elusiveness. Again, your objective is to get her OFF company grounds and OFF the clock. Don't lunch with her at work, and don't spend time with her in the break room. > you need to communicate your interests in an environment that doesn’t risk a harassment complaint. Also, if she shows ANY signs of disinterest in the interaction (anxiousness, appears busy with work, etc), then eject and come back another time.
BE ELUSIVE AND ENCHANTING Above all, the best way to stay out of your target's friend's zone is to Be Elusive and Enchanting. Just like Glinda the good witch from The Wizard of Oz, she rarely shows up, but when she does, her presence and words are magical and alluring. Your target must feel the same way about you. Be Elusive. This means no 10-minute conversations every day. She'll either get bored and comfortable enough to see you as a friend, or she'll begin to feel uncomfortable with you trying to talk to her all the time. Talking with her once or twice a week for a few minutes gives your interactions more of a fresh appeal. And be the first to cut the conversation
short. It communicates that you've got things going on that are more important than her, that you're not needy, and it leaves her wanting more of your company. The point is don't be so available to her. These short-lived encounters will motivate her to close you. Be Enchanting. This means when you do engage her in conversation, you want to capture and lead her imagination. Steer her mind away from logically processing today's work assignments, and into a world of fun and adventure where her emotions are stimulated. Fill your Stories with visualizations...with emotions...with excitement...with feeling. You also want to create sexual tension by subtly introducing suggestive language in both your words and body (see Chapter Attraction and Comfort). You can even act as her "therapist" and subtly direct her attention and affections towards you by your enchanting and charming behavior.
She needs you to be discrete because she cares about her reputation and doesn't want any rumors going around. So avoid attempting any heavy physical escalation such as hugs, kisses, etc. And this isn't even necessary. Remember, a woman is turned on by what she hears, so you can seduce her with your words alone. Therefore, you want to give everyone else the appearance that you two are friends having a casual interaction, while secretly engaging in the shared conspiracy of an intimate courtship. This will be expressed by your seductive body language, the suggestive nature of your conversations, and the sexual tension that is growing between you two. == Your vivid and descriptive Stories that capture her imagination, the sexual tension you introduce, is all in an effort to stand out from the average guys at work who will engage her in boring, casual chit-chatting. By being a good conversationalist and creating sexual tension, the combination of your warmth, unpredictability, playfulness and charm will have her thinking, "I'm really attracted to this guy! He makes me laugh. I enjoy our flirting, and the creative ways he keeps me entertained with his Stories. We've been chatting for some time but he's never asked me out. That makes me feel comfortable because he's not pushy. He's unpredictable and seems to be busy a lot. He cuts the conversation short just as things start to heat up, leaving me wanting more. I just can't figure him out. I really want to know more about him. The next time I see him I'm going to suggest that he and I go out and do something."
COMPANY EVENTS I want to touch on a few aspects of company events as they are applicable to being Cool, Calm and Connected at work. Company events are any activities at work where many people from around the company congregate for some cause. These events include company parties, workshops, seminars, expos, conferences and retreats. Company events
are good for social networking, and they're especially good for attracting women and even closing them because their minds are not entirely on work, therefore they're in a slightly relaxed and social mood. Your mission for attracting women at company events is two-fold: First, greet the people you know in order to adjust to the environment and build your social energy. And second, get into conversations with women at the event. "Working the room" is not necessary. Although this builds social proof, you don't want to appear try-hard. Merely being present in the venue and talking to a few people is good enough. You don't have to be the life of the party, and you don't have to rub shoulders with the VIPs. You have PLENTY of time and PLENTY of opportunities to meet the same women at work. They're not going anywhere. Take your time, enjoy the event, and allow the women there to get to know you indirectly without trying too hard to generate value for yourself. You might notice that you are one of the few men at the event who is actively talking to women, while most other men are talking to each other or alone. Ignore this. Remember, most of these men are either already in committed relationships, they have approach anxiety and afraid to offend, or they reserve their game until they're off company grounds for fear of a harassment complaint. This provides you a greater opportunity to attract more women. Understand clearly: You have NO competition at work. You can do this to the point where when any particular woman in the venue turns their head in your direction, you are almost always in conversation with a woman. If there are any group activities at the event, join the group with the most women. A plus is if you're the only man in the group. This gives you social proof to other women who are at the event. Imagine, sitting in your group, telling the women a Story in the form a joke. And when you say the punch line, they all burst into laughter. What happens immediately is other women in the venue look in your direction, see the women laughing, and see you as the source; instant value in their eyes. Even having a brief conversation with a woman at a company event conveys some sort of preselection and social proof to other women in the vicinity. Assume a leadership role at company events. For example, give a presentation at a seminar, or be the group leader at a workshop. Stand up and ask intelligent questions. Assert your ideas and perspectives. When you stand up and talk, all eyes and attention will be on you, including hers. This is your moment to shine. Remember, you are Cool, Calm and Connected. So speak in a slow...warm...resonating tone. Use slow body movements. And integrate at least 1 Story into your dialog where applicable, usually in the form of some experience you had, or some lesson you learned, or even a joke to break the ice. Many people at the event will be moved by you, especially the women. And you will find that women will actually approach and introduce themselves to you: Her: "Yeah, I saw you at the workshop a few days ago, but we never met. I'm Nancy."
Direct closes work well with women you've just met at company events. She will usually be someone who doesn't work in your department or someone you don't see often. If she's giving you strong indicators of interest in the present interaction, structure an opportunity for closing her (See Chapter closing).
COMPANY RETREATS A company retreat is a short vacation designed for employees and normally takes place at a resort hotel. Because there's usually a workshop element involved, again you want to greet the people you know in order to adjust to the environment and build your social energy. And you want to get into conversations with women at the retreat. I mention the company retreat because it is one of the best places see the "natural woman" emerge. Here, many women drop their social conditioning, and I mean COMPLETELY drop them, and they forsake society's expectations for how a woman should behave because such conditioning no longer apply in this new and relaxing environment. This doesn't necessarily mean that women are more promiscuous. It simply means they're free to be natural women without all the rules and roles they're normally conditioned to assume. A company retreat is one of the best places to watch the "little girl" come out of these women. In fact, some women will actually regress to child-like behaviors from time to time. And when it comes to interacting with you, they are like angels. You'd be surprised. They are much more receptive to you in conversation. They're more liberal about sharing their flaws and vulnerabilities. They are much more open to touching. And they're very friendly and considerate of you. They seem "easier" to interact with, and with almost no resistance. With all this openness available, this is a perfect opportunity for you to stimulate her imagination and emotions through flirting and good Story-telling, while introducing sexual elements into your interactions. And if you generate good chemistry between you two, you can actually suggest to her the idea of having sex together at the retreat, and she will be open to it. She may even invite you to her room, "to see the view from her window". (See gaming outside of work to learn 'how' and 'why' this works). The point is: Women at a company retreat will behave in wonderful ways unlike anything you've experienced in a bar or club. So wonderful in fact, that it can be easy to "fall in love" with how kind they treat you. But BEWARE! When these women return from the retreat and go back to work, they WILL assume all those conservative roles again. So do NOT assume that the woman who was open and friendly towards to you at the retreat will behave the same way at the workplace. The retreat gave her the opportunity to let go of all the social conditioning for awhile. Now that she's back in the "real world", she will assume all those values and roles again. And should you attempt to interact with her at work, she might show disinterest. You generally won't experience this sharp change in behavior from women who have
open and friendly personalities prior to the retreat, but if she's known to be rude, bitchy or "tough" before the retreat, don't expect her to be a changed woman when she returns. All things considered, you owe it to yourself experience a company retreat firsthand, if for nothing more than to observe the stark contrast between the culturally programmed woman we typically see in everyday society, and the natural woman who is free with herself.
CHAPTER 5: INTEREST AND DISINTEREST During the course of your encounters and conversations with women at work, you want to gauge the level of interest she has in you. You do this by paying close attention to her body language and the things she says. Casual indicators of interest: > She smiles enthusiastically when you approach or call her, as if you're a pleasant surprise. > She's open to talking with you about casual, non-work related topics such as personal interests and hobbies. > She laughs at your jokes, even if they're not that funny. > She pays attention to you. She's not looking at her watch or doing work-related tasks while you're in conversation. She drops whatever she's doing and gives you her undivided attention. > She's conscious about talking to you with co-workers nearby, usually for conversational topics that are personal, intimate or even flirtatious. In such cases, she will either lower her voice when talking to you, or lead you away from co-workers for more privacy. > She contributes to the conversation by making meaningful comments, asking questions or starting conversational topics (as opposed to only saying "uh-huh"). > She shares some personal details of her life with you. The above interest indicators are common among most women in the workplace, including those who are NOT attracted to you. That is why they are called casual interest indicators. In other words, there are some women who view you ONLY as a professional or platonic interest, and will give you casual interest as a matter of courtesy or friendliness. Therefore, you want to look for stronger indicators of interest from those women who are genuinely attracted to you. The following represents the strongest indicators of interest from most women who are genuinely attracted to you and consider you a romantic interest. I call them the "Big 3": 1. She approaches, calls or initiates conversation with you quite frequently, usually two or more times in the same week. This is the first STRONGEST indicator of interest to look for in a woman who is attracted to you. She is expressing her strong interest by making herself more available to you. Between interactions, she may pass by your station more often than normal, usually to make eye contact and say Hi. She may even approach you under the guise of something work-related in hopes that the conversation will transition to more interesting topics (Her: "So, how's everything?" or "So, what have you
been up to lately?"). The point is, her attempting to engage you in conversation is clear evidence that she is investing in the courtship as opposed to you doing everything. 2. Her non-verbal communication towards you is more provocative. Here are the most common examples: > When she approaches you, her makeup is enhanced or more colorful than what she normally wears. Give her a compliment acknowledging that you noticed her appearance. A woman who wears more makeup than she normally does is usually communicating that she is open to dating. > She allows herself to get physically close to you, usually well within your personal space. Such closeness is usually followed by her touching you while in conversation, like touching your arm in the middle of laughter, or brushing lint off your shoulders. Understand that not all women who are attracted to you will get too close because they want to be discreet and prevent gossip, but if she does get close to you, then it means that she is comfortable with you and enjoys the chemistry between you two. > During conversation, she will position her body in a way that exposes more of her neck, breasts or legs. She might even toy with her hair or jewelry, or slowly caress parts of her body like her arms or legs while talking with you. She is being physically open to you. > She mirrors your tone of voice or body posture. > She blushes or giggles and breaks eye contact with you briefly. This usually occurs when you're giving her good eye contact in the midst of sexual tension. > She's looks and smiles at you very sensually (that "I'm into you" sort of expression). Provocative non-verbals would be the second STRONGEST indicator of interest to look for in a woman who is attracted to you. In general, women who are NOT attracted to you or view you only as a friend, will NOT enhance their appearance for you, and their body language will be fairly closed off or conservative. So if you DO notice these provocative signals when you're in conversation, make no mistake: she's doing these things for YOU, and it is strong evidence that she's very interested in a relationship with you that is beyond professional or platonic.
3. She flirts and teases with you. She is also open and receptive to suggestive language, or even conversations about sex. This would be the third STRONGEST indicator of interest to look for. She wants to experience the playful side of you and see how socially intelligent you are. She also wants to build some sexual tension between you two. However, her flirting and teasing MUST be in combination with other strong interest indicators, because some women at work will engage in casual flirting with a man just to make their day interesting, but have NO intentions of dating him.
Following are some other strong interest indicators that are usually associated with the Big 3: > She looks at you curiously if you're in the same area (usually if you've never met). She might even toss her hair or apply makeup as she does this. Frequent glances within a short period of time means she wants to meet you. Approach and open her. Know that it is possible to close her directly in your very first conversation because SHE initiated the come-on. > She's open to talking with you about personal, intimate topics such as her Hopes and Dreams, and her experiences with Dating and Relationships. > She qualifies herself to you, or attempts to find commonalities. > She talks too fast, or fumbles and mixes up her words during conversation. She wants to impress you, but is somewhat nervous in the process. > She gives you statements of interest like "I like talking with you." or "I like the sound of your voice" or "I like the way you look at me." Some women will also frequently compliment your ideas, perspectives, appearance or behavior to indicate that they like you. > She asks if you have a girlfriend, or she mentions that she doesn't have a boyfriend. > She attempts to close you by suggesting that you two do something outside of work such as getting something to eat, seeing a movie or having a drink. She may also invite you to some social function she's going to (such as a party, karaoke, etc.), or giving you her personal phone number. Of course, we could say that her closing you is obviously THE strongest indicator of interest, but it should be viewed more as a goal. It is the other indicators of interest that you want to watch for, because they all lead into closing. Strong interest represents her investing and being active in the interaction as opposed to being passive. This is very, VERY important. It's not enough to get her to laugh at a few jokes and think that she's into you. Understand that most women at work will generally smile and listen to you talk merely as a courtesy to you as a fellow co-worker, and not necessarily because they're attracted, so do NOT assume your target is attracted to you just because she's merely open and receptive to you in conversation. It's very important that she invests in the courtship in order to be considered a worthy target, rather than sit there while you say and do everything. There's also the possibility of "professional interest" indicators, meaning she's not interested in you as a potential suitor, but more interested in your position or status at work and how it will make her job easier, advance her career or raise her status. Depending on the dynamics of the interaction, your social intuition should tell you whether her interests in you are merely professional, or something more.
All things considered, a combination of the above interest indicators demonstrate that she enjoys interacting with you, and is good soil for successful closing. You want to court only those women who are giving you strong indicators of interest on a consistent basis. And once you find a woman who is giving you strong IOIs, put your efforts into attracting, building comfort and seducing her, and less on those who are merely open to you.
Indicators of disinterest. > She doesn't look at you or acknowledge you if you're in the same room. She avoids eye contact with you, or she may even squint her eyes at you when you're talking to her, which subcommunicates "Why are you bothering me?" > She doesn't appear enthusiastic to see you or hear from you. She doesn't appear open to conversation. > She keeps her distance when you approach, even at 5 feet. She doesn't allow you to get too close without moving away. > Her body posture is closed off. Her arms are crossed and she appears on guard with you. > She doesn't approach or call to talk with you. You're the only one putting forth any effort to connect. > She doesn't smile or doesn't appear interested in the conversation. She's not very responsive or initiating any dialog. She's not investing in the interaction. > She appears anxious, stressed or busy with work. She's not giving you her undivided attention. > She's "strictly professional" with you. Contacting you is mostly work-related with little room for talking about personal interests. > She frequently mentions her boyfriend or husband during the interaction. The first mention may be some initial resistance, which could be an indicator of interest. But frequent mentioning without any interest indicators above means she's not interested.
> She's resisting the interaction. She doesn't "play along" with the conversation. Her answers are very short and without elaboration. She doesn't attempt to find commonalities between you two. It seems as if you're hitting a brick wall. > She tells you that she's "busy", "not interested" or "not comfortable" with you.
> She views you as a "friend". She's open to you in conversation, but she uses you for entertainment, therapy, and non-work related favors, with NO intentions of dating you. > She complains to your supervisor about your work performance, or she files a harassment complaint against you with the HR department. Indicators of disinterest generally occur in instances where you approach her, especially if she's in the middle of working. And it's possible that such disinterest may actually stem from negative emotions that's related to work or her personal circumstances, and not necessarily because of you (see closing). So she might be just having a bad day or busy day when you encounter her. But be warned: the alternative reason could be you are NOT welcomed, she is NOT comfortable with you, or she is NOT interested in you. Don't assume that she's shy or she's playing hard to get and you should continue plowing through until you get a desired response. She could consider this as harassment. Anytime a woman shows you disinterest (especially if you approach her), IMMEDIATELY end the interaction: You: "Well, I have to get back to work. Enjoy your day." The same goes for the flakes, which are women who give you intermittent interest and disinterest (or one encounter she seems open and receptive, and the next encounter she's not as responsive). Understand that women sometimes have mood swings and can become flaky with their feelings toward you in the workplace. Such flakiness is usually the result of work-related stress or personal circumstances she's experiencing, and not necessarily because of you. Either way, keep all flaky women strictly professional or platonic while they "make up their mind". Never assume that a woman's disinterest is her way of playing hard to get. If she were genuinely interested in dating you, she would clearly make herself available to you, without resistance and without all the mind games. So be willing to move on. The point is if a woman were really interested in you, she would give you far more interest indicators without all the drama. So if you continually get the same negative vibes after the 2nd or 3rd encounter, without ANY of the positive interest indicators, she's not worth your time. Move on; you have other foxes to chase.
THE IMPORTANCE OF COURTING ONLY THOSE WOMEN WHO INVEST IN THE COURTSHIP.
When I say "Court only those women who are giving you strong indicators of interest on a consistent basis," notice I didn't say merely "IOIs". I said "STRONG IOIs", which is more than simply getting her to smile or laugh. It's very important that she is active and INVESTING in your interactions as opposed to being passive. This helps you filter out the women who are merely open and friendly towards you, but are NOT attracted to you. Understand clearly: It doesn't matter how "hot" or "perfect" YOU think she is. She MUST have similar feelings enough to want to date you, and she must prove that by investing and giving you interest in your interactions. It doesn't have to be a 50/50 courtship process, but you must NOT do all the work. You shouldn't be the only one making contact. And you shouldn't be the only one doing all the talking. An easy way to test her interest in you is by withdrawing your interest in her. For example, don't call or approach her as often as you used to, and see if she initiates contact. Become silent during the interaction while looking around as if you're bored, and see if she wants to continue interacting. Feign disinterest in her and have HER attempt to attract YOU. The point is make sure she's contributing to your interactions other than sitting there expecting you to do everything to win her affections. Yes, there are some women who are shy and it may take a few interactions before they open up and contribute, but as a rule: If a woman is genuinely attracted to you, she WILL invest, she WILL attempt to attract you, and her strong interest in you WILL become obvious. So don't bother with those women you feel you are working harder for to win. Make sure your target is putting forth adequate effort and interest to be worth your time. (See Pitfall 2: Targeting women who are not interested in you for more information about indicators of disinterest) When you sense she is opening up to you through casual conversation, then you can begin to subtly introduce sexual elements such as deepening your voice, intense eye contact, slow body movements, suggestive language, etc.
CHAPTER 6: CLOSING WHEN TO CLOSE: While it's possible to close certain women the same day you've met, she will usually be someone who works in a different department, or someone who you don't encounter often. But for those women who work in your department or who you often assist with work-related tasks, you want to attempt closing her starting with your 2nd personal encounter. Because you're in frequent contact with her at work, you want her to feel comfortable with your presence and to see how you behave and interact with others. A general guideline is you should be able to close your target successfully within 3 to 5 encounters, usually sooner if she's giving you strong interest and heavily investing in your interactions. Merely passing by and saying 'Hi', or having a discussion that's strictly work-related does NOT count. This is about having one-on-one interactions that are NON-work related (talking about personal interests, hobbies, relationships, some flirting, etc.). And it's no big deal if it takes more than 5 encounters to close her. It's better to successfully close her on the 10th encounter than to jeopardize the courtship by trying too hard to close her on the first few encounters. It is possible for the courtship to last for months without a first date or phone calls outside work, and still have her romantically interested in you. Although waiting that long is not advised, the good news is that when you do go on that first drink or dinner together, you are almost guaranteed to be in bed with her by night's end. This is because your interactions at work were part of building comfort. Of course, she may still choose to not give it up the first night so as to not appear like a slut. If that's the case, play the gentleman's role and give her just a kiss and a hug good night, but know that day 2 is in the bag. Closing her and going to a location off company grounds serves some important purposes: > Privacy. There are no co-workers or supervisors around to eavesdrop on your conversation or stir up gossip. , and to reveal sides to her she would not have expressed in the workplace. > It minimizes resistance she would typically show in the workplace, thereby allowing you to escalate easier. > It allows you physically escalate and verbally communicate your romantic or sexual interest, all without the risk of a harassment complaint if something goes wrong during the interaction. There are two types of closes you can use in the workplace. indirect and direct.
THE IMPORTANCE OF GETTING HER TO CLOSE YOU When a woman goes out to a venue like the bar or club, her thoughts and emotions will be centered around being with a man. She knows that the club is a place where men go to meet women, so she dresses up and mentally prepares herself for meeting a nice man. Sure, she may claim that she's going "only to have a few drinks", or "just to relax." But there is hardly any woman who will do these things without meeting a man, and claim that she had a good time. Her idea of a good time truly depends on whether she meets a man, and how well they interacted. Even women in committed relationships want to meet other men in the venue if for nothing more than to be validated that they're still attractive to the opposite sex. The point is: When you see a woman in a club, you can safely assume that her primary reason for being there is to find a man, or at least interact with one, and it's at the venue that she's usually most receptive to hooking up. This is one reason why the direct approach works so well in the club. But at the workplace, her thoughts and emotions will generally be far from desiring to be with a man when you approach her. Since her purpose for going to work is to do a job, her thoughts will be primarily centered around the tasks at hand, such as paperwork, business meetings, making calls, etc. In addition to all this work, she could be experiencing certain emotions or "moods" that might interfere with closing her successfully. She could feel swamped from a current work assignment, or overwhelmed because she has to meet a deadline and might have to stay after work, or she's logically processing all the chores and errands she has to do when she gets home. And still on top of all that, she could be going through some personal circumstances at the time you attempt to close her. For example, she may be on her period, or there may be some adverse family issues going on, or she may be stressing about her bills, or she may be coming down with an illness, or she's trying to get over a recent relationship that didn't end well. I know the above issues appear a bit extreme when you read it all at once, but don't worry. In reality, she may experience only a small combination of the above issues and you can still close her successfully. I mention the issues merely to illustrate the distinctions between a woman's emotions and circumstances at the club, and those at work. At the club, her thoughts and emotions are not on work; they're on relaxing and meeting a man. And she will take care of her chores, errands and personal circumstances before going to the club, so that it doesn't interfere with the experience of meeting a man. So basically all of the above issues will usually be non-existent or non-issues when she goes out to the club. But at work, none of these issues can be avoided in order for her to comfortably entertain thoughts of having an intimate relationship with a man. She has a job to do, and she can't make her personal circumstances disappear at the time you attempt to close her. In other words, chances are she's not twiddling her thumbs waiting for Mr. Right to come along like she would in the bar/club; she's either busy working or going through some personal issues and not thinking about hooking up right now. For you to show up unannounced and attempt and close her directly in the midst of this chaos would put her on the spot. Now she has to decide in the moment if she likes you and wants to go out with you. She probably wasn't thinking about it. It sort of dropped into
her lap unexpectedly and now she has to make a quick decision. **She feels somewhat pressured to accept your offer.** And since she's in the middle of logically processing all the work and all her personal circumstances, such issues could conflict with her having a good time with you, and she may turn you down, or take up your offer at a later time. This is another reason why workplace dating is a slow burn process. The close may simply be bad timing for her. But as long as you exude confidence in your message and body language, her declining will be because of HER, not because of you. Because of these adverse circumstances in her life, know that there are some women who are secretly attracted to you but will NOT reveal this to you. They're not circumstantially ready to explore a relationship with you and they will not waist their time or yours by showing you strong interest or leading you on.
The point is: When you approach a woman at work (especially if she's in the middle of working), you can't assume that her thoughts and emotions will be centered around being with a man like you would in the bar or club. And you can't assume that she'll be "in the mood" to accept your offer for a date. This is one reason why you must be indirect and wait for her to close you. She simply may not be emotionally or circumstantially ready to do anything with you outside of work, regardless of how "alpha" you come across. The other reason why you must wait for her is because it protects you from damaging the interaction and jeopardizing your job. If you attempt direct game, and escalate the relationship at a time when she's not ready, it may reduce her comfort levels, and she may avoid future interactions with you or file a harassment complaint. This usually won't happen if you've generated a good vibe with her and you can sense that she's attracted, but it's more advantageous for you to be patient until she gives you some verbal indication that she's ready to move forward with you. By all means, be confident and optimistic, but also be sensitive and understanding.
Because it isn't 100% certain that she wants to date you, you are advised to use the indirect approach to closing. Indirect allows you to test the waters to see how interested she is in dating you, without explicitly saying that you want to date her. This maintains her comfort levels. Remember that I said that some women go through phases. Her feelings change occasionally in the work environment, and you can't know where she's at emotionally or circumstantially when you encounter her at work. This is the reason why your statements of interest shouldn't be too forward like "Hey, I like you. We should go out sometime," because she can feel pressured to arrange for dating you when she's not ready. Be indirect and wait for her. Her boss may have just given her a daunting task and she doesn't want to be bothered, or she's excited about her recent promotion and wants to celebrate, or her child is sick, or it's that time of the month, or she may be happily married, or she's depressed about breaking up with her boyfriend, or she's horny for cock. Whatever her situation or emotional state, your mission is to make contact with her every so often, stimulate her emotions and introduce sexual tension into your interactions. By doing this
with each encounter, you gradually influence her to have more thoughts of you while getting turned on. This will make you stand out as a potential suitor so that when the opportunity presents itself and she feels ready, SHE will escalate the interaction by closing YOU, and suggesting that you two do something together. And trust me, when she's ready, she will actually seek you out instead of waiting for you.
INDIRECT CLOSES: Because you are advised to have your target close you, it stands to reason that you should provide her the opportunity to do so. It helps if in previous interactions that you have made statements of interest in her. This makes it easier for her to close you because you've indirectly communicated that you're open to escalating the relationship. The basic premise for getting her to close you is to talk about some event or activity that you're going to do outside of work, but say it in a way that INDIRECTLY creates the opportunity for her to be part of your world. Provide these opportunities only when she's giving you strong indicators of interest in the present interaction. Generally speaking, indirect closes should be used when YOU approach HER, or when you're not sure how attracted she is to you (whether romantically, professionally, or platonically). She smiles or laughs at your jokes, but she hasn't flirted with you or approached you yet. In other words, she is giving you some interest, but it isn't strong enough to be considered romantic or sexual. When you're ready to close, chat her up for a few minutes to get her comfortable with seeing you and hearing your voice in the present moment. Steer her mind away from work and into a world of fun and adventure. Make sure you're getting good responses from her, then go for the close:
You: "Chin Gao's Chinese Restaurant opened a new buffet recently. I think I'll go and try that for dinner tonight. What are you doing for dinner, and please don't say some microwavable meal." Her (laughs): "Well, I hadn't planned on anything for dinner yet, but Chinese sounds tempting." You: "Well, you're welcome to join me if you're interested." Her: "Thank you. I'd like that." You: "Good. Shall we call it a date?" (This indirect close is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. A nice restaurant is usually preferable to cooking a meal, and she would enjoy having pleasant conversation with you over a delicious dinner.)
You: "I'm craving pizza. I think I'll head over to Joe's Pizza Place for lunch later. What are you doing for lunch?" Her: "I brought a sandwich but pizza sounds so much better!" You: "Well, you're welcome to join me if you're interested." Her: "Yes, that sounds good."
You: "Cool. Let's make it a date." (This indirect close is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. Many women at work go out to lunch, so casually mentioning a food she'd enjoy will influence her to spend her lunch time with you.)
You: "Me, Jeff, and Diane are going for drinks and karaoke after work. We've been asking others to go and we thought of you, so I'm just letting you know. By the way, only bad singers are allowed to go." Her: "Well that includes me. How are we getting there?" (This indirect close is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. If you can get a handful of co-workers to do some activity outside of work such as grabbing some lunch, dinner or even karaoke, she will want to be part of the fun. And because other co-workers will be present, it's not like she's going somewhere alone with you, which will maintain her comfort levels.)
You: "Yeah, I'm going to the mall to get some new clothes. I hope they have a woman with good taste in fashion because the last time I went, there was an old guy there who wasn't much help." Her: "Well, maybe I can help you pick out something." You: "I would appreciate that. Shall we make it a date?" (Women LOVE shopping. Need I say more?)
You: "Have you ever been to Joe's Bar?" Her: "No." You: "Joe makes the best margaritas. I'll probably need a designated driver, but I'm definitely going back to that place." Her: "Maybe I can drive you and try out the margaritas for myself." You: "That would be nice. We can make it a date, if that's cool with you?"
You: "Are there any movies playing that sound interesting?" Her: "Well, I heard Pretty Woman was good." You: "Yeah, I'm going to the theater this Friday. Maybe I'll check that one out." Her: "I've been wanting to see that movie for awhile. Maybe we can see it together."
You: "I'm hosting a party Friday night that's going to be pretty exciting. Would you know any co-workers who'd be interested in going?" Her: "I like parties! Where is it going to be?"
You: "Yeah, I won these two tickets to a jazz concert on the radio. Mike from Accounting was supposed to go, but he just told me he's busy that night. I was thinking about asking Nancy from Marketing; I heard she's into jazz. Is there anyone you know?"
Her: "I like jazz! When is the concert?"
You: "You know, if other co-workers see us mingling together like this, they might think something's going on between us. And I hate gossip. I believe that whatever happens between two people, should stay between two people, and everyone else should mind their own business. It would be nice to talk freely without all the eyes and ears around." (communicates that you don't kiss and tell) Her: "Well, maybe we can go somewhere away from all the gossip."
You could even communicate the opportunity in the form of a challenge to her: You: "I was at Joe's Club last Friday night, and this cool rock band performed live. I kid you not, you could really feel this amazing energy in the air!" Her: "Really?" You: "Yep. I'm actually going see the next performance Friday night, and then tease you about it on Monday." Her: "Maybe we can both go and I can see who's playing for myself."
You: "Yeah, I'm going to the street festival this weekend. It's going to be fun, but you're probably too much of a good girl to go to a place like that." Her: "No, I think I might like it. What time are you going?"
You: "You know? I could tell you some very interesting things about this topic, but I've gotta get back to work. It's too bad I don't have the time to talk to you more often during the day." (then slowly walk away) Her: "Well wait, here's my cell number. Maybe you can call me sometime after work."
DIRECT CLOSES: It's possible to close your target directly, however the best time to do so is when SHE approaches YOU for conversation, or when she is giving you strong indicators of interest in the present interaction. But it's also vital that she's been giving you strong indicators of interest in previous encounters. For example, if she's calling or approaching you more frequently than normal, and has been steadily investing in your interactions, then she's most likely ready for direct closing. A direct close also gives a woman clear evidence that you are interested in her, which in turn allows her to reciprocate your interests easily. This is good because being indirect is generally a vague way of communicating interest, and there are many people who simply cannot read between the lines. Have you ever experienced a time when a woman said or
did something indirectly to express her interest in you, but you didn't pick up on it to escalate the courtship? Then weeks or months later it finally dawns on you what was happening, and you're kicking yourself over the missed opportunity? Well, it happens to women too. Sometimes being indirect doesn't quite get the message across that "Hey, I like you, and we should take this to the next level." Sometimes, even a woman who is genuinely attracted to you will NOT pick up on your indirect close until much later. But being direct with her clears all doubts, and she will be flattered that you chose her. Direct closing work well with women you meet at a company event such as a party or some social function. This is because their minds are not entirely on work, therefore they're in a slightly relaxed and social mood. Direct closing also works well with women who work in a different department, or women who you don't encounter often. You can safely close these women directly because in the event she is not interested, she doesn't have to worry about seeing you at work everyday, or feel uncomfortable with your constant presence because she knows you're interested in her. You can also close her directly if she asks you for a non-work related favor. You're simply responding with a non-work related favor of your own (see Friend's zone). But perhaps the best moment to close her directly is when the sexual tension is high. If you two are engaged in a combination of flirting, teasing, suggestive comments, playful touching, and good eye contact, she will almost certainly say Yes to your close. In addition, it is highly unlikely that she will feel uncomfortable or file a harassment complaint against you when just seconds ago she was showing you strong interest. DIRECTLY CLOSE ONLY THOSE WOMEN WHO HAVE BEEN GIVING YOU STRONG INDICATORS OF INTEREST ON A CONSISTENT BASIS. Never directly close flaky women or women who are showing you disinterest. Remember, your chances of success depends on how much attraction and comfort you've generated in the days or weeks prior to closing her, and how receptive she is to you in the present interaction. If you've been consistently getting strong indicators of interest with each encounter, you should close her directly. When you're ready to close her, chat her up for a few minutes to get her comfortable with seeing you and hearing your voice in the present moment. Steer her mind away from work and into a world of fun and adventure. Make sure you're getting good responses from her, then go for the close:
You: "I enjoy talking with you. I'm going to Joe's Restaurant for dinner, and I would like for you to join me. Shall we call it a date?" You: "I'm pretty busy, but I would like to talk with you more over dinner. Let's make it a date."
You: "Let's talk over dinner. I would like to get to know you more when I'm not so busy. We can make it a date." (The dinner close is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. The romantic mood of a restaurant in the evening allows for a smooth transition back to your place for sex. Also, notice the "busy" remarks within some of the above closes. This is where your short and sweet interactions pay off. In the workplace you've been giving her only brief moments of your company, when she's been secretly wanting more. You are now rewarding her with MORE time to be spent with you when you're not so busy. If she's genuinely attracted to you, how could she refuse such an opportunity?)
You: "I'm going to get some lunch later, and I would like for you to join me. Let's make it a date." You: "Let's grab some lunch later today. How does pizza sound?" You: "I'm pretty busy, but let's talk more over lunch today. Shall we call it a date?" (The lunch close is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. It's a small investment for her because you're only going a short distance away from work, and you'll be together for only 30 minutes to an hour. And since it's only lunch between work, she generally won't perceive it as a formal date where she has to analyze if she's ready for a committed relationship. But at the same time, she's pretty sure she must be special to you in some way for you to want to go to lunch with her. So an intimate relationship may develop from this, or maybe not. At this point, you're simply two co-workers going to get a bite to eat before heading back to work.)
You (pulling out your cell phone): "You know, we should do something together away from work. What's your cell number, and I'll call you later." (The number close is recommended. Even if you haven't determined what activity you're going to do together, at least you have made it clear that you want to spend time with her, and you have her number so you can communicate with her off company grounds, and off the clock.)
You: "You know, you're an interesting person. I'm going to get a drink later this evening and I would like for you to enjoy my company. We can make it a date." (Going out for a drink in the evening is good for smoothly transitioning to sex after the date. In fact, a woman who is interested in having sex with you might close you with this type of close herself.)
You: "I'm going to see Pretty Woman at the theater Friday, and I would like for you to go with me. Let's make it a date." (Women LOVE romantic comedies.)
You: "I'm hosting a party Friday night that's going to be pretty exciting, and I'd like for you to come. You're welcome to bring a girlfriend or two."
You: "You have good taste in fashion. I'm going to the mall later to shop for some new clothes and I would like for you to help me pick out something. We can make it a date."
Your closing location or environment should be a PUBLIC location. Do NOT suggest a private location like your home. Some women interpret such a request as a precursor to sex, and this may reduce her comfort levels, and she may even file a harassment complaint. So when you are on company property, do NOT say things like, "Let's watch that movie at my place." or "How about I cook you a wonderful dinner at my apartment?" Yes, some women would be open to the idea, but there are no guarantees that it will be your target. Therefore, the only time you should communicate this type of close is if both of you are OFF company grounds, and OFF the clock. Also, notice that these direct closes are specific statements, and not generic, open-ended questions. You're not easily allowing her the option of saying No by asking, "Would you like to go out with me?" You're specifically stating what you want as if she wants the same thing. It's dominant, it's decisive, and it's attractive to women. Let me reiterate: It is VERY important that you state what you want as if she wants the same thing. This makes you sound more natural, and not awkward because you're not worried if she'll say No. You already KNOW she wants to be with you. This level of confidence WILL influence her to say Yes.
THE IMPORTANCE OF SAYING THE WORD "DATE" IN YOUR CLOSE Notice that many of the close examples above contained the word "date". This is very important for a few reasons. When a woman hears the word "date", she usually associates it with two people on the path towards a romantic relationship. It doesn't mean that you two are immediately boyfriend/girlfriend, or that you're married or lovers, but by her accepting your close as a "date", she is agreeing within herself that the courtship will likely lead to some sort of romantic relationship. This is exactly what you want as it makes escalating to sex much easier. Communicating that it is a "date" sets the frame in her mind that she will now view you as a potential boyfriend or lover. And because of this, she will be more open to the courtship leading to sex. You can be more open and direct with communicating your interests in her. She will respond better to your physical escalation on the date, and show you virtually no resistance to sex.
Her agreeing its a date is additional evidence that she likes you more than a friend. And because you used the word "date", she will actually expect you to do what dates do; physically escalate and express romantic or sexual desire for her. Communicating the word "date" also filters out female manipulators, or women who are not attracted to you. Without indicating that your close is a "date", many women will go with you under the impression that you two are going only as friends. And the manipulative types will simply use you to buy them a free meal with no intentions of having sex with you. By saying the word "date", she will expect that you will attempt to physically escalate or express your romantic interest in her. And because she has no romantic interest for you, chances are she will not lead you on and put herself in the position of having to reject your advances, especially when she agreed up front that you two are dating. The point is: You save yourself time, money and hassle by stating upfront that this is a "date." If she happens to respond to your proposal for a date by saying something like, "Not as a date, but as friends", you have two options. 1, proceed with the interaction as friends, or 2, say "Oh, well that's fine, I understand. I would rather go on a date, and I don't want to waste each other's time."
STRUCTURE ONLY 1 DIRECT CLOSE PER TARGET AT WORK. ONLY 1. Since your direct close is crystal clear evidence that you're interested in her, you shouldn't have to repeatedly tell her that you want to get together with her. Remember, you are nonneedy. You may structure a few INdirect closing opportunities to test her interest in being with you, and provide her the chance to close you. But after you structure a DIRECT close, the ball is now in her court. If she declines your direct close, then do NOT structure any closing opportunities at all in the future, not even indirect ones. And at that point, you should no longer even approach her for non-work related conversations. If you two are ever to date, it will be HER making the moves to close you. Until then, move on to another woman. Understand very clearly: There are absolutely NO EXCEPTIONS to the 1 direct close rule. Your direct close subcommunicates, "I like you and want to spend time with you away from work," and she will realize this. So, it doesn't matter if she tells you she's busy for lunch, or she has other commitments and can't help you shop for clothes. If she declines your direct close, do NOT lower your value by asking her, "Why not?", and do NOT push her by saying things like, "So, when would be a good time for you?" Such persistence could generate discomfort in her, especially if she's NOT attracted to you. Again, you are non-needy. If she declines your direct close, simply respond with a sincere smile, and say, "That's fine, I understand.", and continue with your conversation, or leave. If she is genuinely interested in dating you, she WILL follow-up by either volunteering a place or time that is good for her, giving you her phone number, or attempting to close you when circumstances are favorable for her. If she doesn't follow up, then it means she is not interested in dating you. Do NOT pressure her.
BE FLEXIBLE, BUT NEVER TOO ACCOMODATING Be flexible with your direct close. Remember, your objective is to date her, not worry about petty differences in taste. You: "I'm going to Chin Gao's Chinese Restaurant for dinner, and I would like for you to enjoy my company." Her: "I'm sorry. I don't eat Chinese food, but I love Italian." You: "Mamma mia! I love Italian too." You: "I'm going to Joe's Bar to get a drink later this evening and I would like for you to join me." Her: "I don't feel comfortable in bars, but I like coffee shops." You: "Rewind. Play. I'm going to Starbucks to get a drink later this evening and I would like for you to join me." It is understood that if a woman is in the bar or club, she is usually open to having a romantic relationship with a man, and that she is circumstantially ready to do so. But in the workplace, unless she is showing you strong interest, it's not always clear whether or not she's interested in dating right now, or if she's even circumstantially ready to do so. Therefore, you may wonder if and when is a good time to close her for a date. My message to you is do NOT concern yourself with this. Don't worry whether or not your timing is off for asking her out on a date. Don't wonder if she's on her period, or if she can't find a babysitter for her child. There is never a "bad time" to ask a woman out on a date. All you need to do is make it known that you want to date her, and if she's genuinely interested in dating you, she will find a way to make herself available to you. Your direct close is simply telling her, "I'm ready to take our relationship to the next level. Are you?" And don't concern yourself over exactly which plans you should choose to close her with, in an attempt to increase your chances of her accepting your date. You are to choose the thing that YOU want to do, and simply invite her to join you. So don't over-rationalize within yourself things like, "Maybe I shouldn't have said Chinese food," or "Maybe I should suggest a movie rather than the opera." It doesn't matter what the dating plans are. Even if your close is very generalized like, "Would you like to go out with me?", it doesn't guarantee that she will say Yes, so state to her the thing that YOU want to do. Again, what matters is that you are subcommunicating to her that you want to spend time with her away from work, and she will know this. The point is all you should concern yourself with is planting the seed in her mind that you want to date her. It's that simple. If a woman declined your direct close, she missed the boat and you move on. It doesn't matter what her excuse is. Again, if she really, really wanted to date you, she would MAKE the time for you, and she would go virtually ANYWHERE with you, without all the hassle. So be flexible, but never be too
accommodating or work too hard trying to make your plans fit around her schedule. Besides, a woman who is too picky-choosy from the beginning is both selfish and highmaintenance, and it probably won't be a good relationship for you. Again, just because she's not interested now, doesn't mean she won't be interested later. So you'll find that if she's going through adverse circumstances at the time you closed her, once her circumstances are handled, she'll come to you now that she knows you're interested. You planted the seed. So all you need to do is to make known your interest in dating her, and await her response. By coolly and calmly conveying to her that you're interested in dating her, you can only INCREASE your chances of her dating you. If not now, then perhaps later. You took the initiative. You put yourself out there. That's all that matters. Remember, this is all about communicating your interest in dating her.
If your indirect close doesn't hook, or she declines your direct close, remain unaffected. After all, you're still going to go and enjoy yourself whether she goes or not; you're simply extending her the courtesy of accompanying you. And when you see her again, you can now tell her a Story of how much fun you had. Be descriptive and sensational. This will communicate to her that you have exciting things going on in your life and it's something she should be part of. So it's no big deal if she declines. Remember, her declining will be because of her professional or personal circumstances, and not because of you. She may even bring up previous opportunities that she may want to fulfill: Her: "So, did you find a designated driver yet?" or "Did anyone help you find the clothes you were looking for?" UNEXPECTED CLOSES: Be aware that your target may attempt to close you when you least expect it. Her circumstances may be such that it allows her the opportunity to entertain an intimate relationship. And at that time she will be waiting for you to mention something...anything, that's going on in your life that she can be part of: You: "Yeah, last night my friends and I were playing poker and I won like $100." Her: "I've never played poker before...maybe you can teach me sometime." Or there may be something about you in the moment that moves her to want to close you. For example, you might be leading the group in a project, or giving a presentation at a workshop, and you are exuding so much charisma and masculinity that she will approach you to strike up a conversation. Structure an opportunity for closing her, and watch her take it.
THE IMPORTANCE OF CLOSING WHEN INTEREST IS STRONG It is vital that you close your target when she is giving you strong indicators of interests in the present interaction. I'm not referring to women with who are attracted to but you have no interest for. I'm talking about women that you've communicated strong interest in. Some of these women will pick up on your strong interest and begin to reciprocate. Sometimes a man can be so wrapped up into figuring out what to say or do next, that he misses out on golden opportunities to make a successful close. Therefore, keep your eyes and ears open for strong interest from her. Understand, it is not within most women to step up and attempt to escalate the courtship. Many are afraid of being rejected and others don't want to appear desperate. But most of all, because you are a man and leader, she EXPECTS you to lead her. By closing her, you are telling her that you value her and want her to be part of your life. The other issue. Not surprisingly, women do not like to be rejected. She may resent you. And it can create negative tension when you see each other at work. She's just frustrated that you didn't read her signals for you to escalate. So if in the last few interaction she's flirting with you, teasing you, playfully touching you, etc, and the next interaction she seems unresponsive and "cold", it means you missed the boat. When you receive a significant combination of interest from your target, close the deal. This is equivalent to you strongly desiring to date a woman you're attracted to, but instead she wants to toy with you by getting you to be her source of entertainment and therapy. Over time you will get frustrated with her. When you find that your target is approaching you more for conversation, or she engages you in a combination of flirting, teasing, suggestive comments, playful touching, and good eye contact, this is her way of saying, "I like you and we should do something together away from work. I'm open to the idea now, so make your move." Recognize this and close her. By approaching or initiating conversation two or three consecutive times, she is giving you a window of opportunity to close her, before she starts showing disinterest. But if you continue to flirt with her and attempt to generate sexual tension, and not follow up with a close, then she will assume that you're just toying with her, that you're leading her on, that you can't "finish what you started." At that point any attraction methods you employ will only annoy her. It's not that you'll be put in her friend's zone. She simply won't want to have anything to do with you. And should you approach her again, she will give you disinterest, and may even file a harassment complaint against you.
The point is don't wait too long if she's been giving you strong interest over the last 2 or 3 interactions. Seize the opportunity to close her while she is open. If she has been giving you strong interest over the course of days or weeks, and suddenly she gives you the cold should, or even overt disinterest...and you have been showing her interest with each interaction, then you have been toying with her. EXAMPLES of giving her disinterest include telling her you're busy and have to get to work, getting up to leave to run errands Don't use this Guide to toy with women. Remember, you're reading this because you're interested in dating women at work. You've taken the appropriate measures when interacting with women. You now have a woman who is showing you strong interest. You've come this far. This is what you've desired. Go for the close. Of course it should go without saying, but this applies to when she is showing sexual interest in you, such as when she is escalating physically. Close the deal. =========== WHEN IN DOUBT, DON'T. This is especially if she's showing signs of disinterest. You may feel like you should "go for it" "It's now or never." and you may plow through, but you risk damaging the interaction and reducing her comfort levels. The term "don't" will have different connotations depending on where you are in the courtship process. But they all have a common meaning. Maybe she's showing signs of DISinterest but a part of you feels compelled to push through anyway. Or perhaps everything's going well, but you don't feel quite ready to escalate or close her. When in doubt, Don't "go for it". Don't approach her. Don't call her. Don't engage her in conversation. Don't make a suggestive comment. Don't make a statement of interest. Don't escalate. Don't attempt to close her.....When in doubt, Don't. Remember, you're not at the bar or club. You will see your target the next day and the next day and so on. She's not going anywhere. So you have PLENTY of time to close her. You don't have any time constraints. When you Don't "go for it", it preserves the chemistry between you two and maintains her comfort levels. It's better to let the flames slowly die down, than to move too fast too soon and make her uncomfortable. Another benefit of "waiting" is she may even attempt to escalate the interaction if she really wants you and thinks things are moving too slow. So don't worry if you're not sure if you should "Go for it." You're still in the game, and she's still attracted. So when in doubt, don't.
=============== THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING COOL, CALM AND NON-NEEDY **Change to THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING NON-NEEDY??** There may be times when it seems no women are showing you any significant interest. It seems as if the fish aren't biting. You ARE a high-value male, and you ARE desirable. But you must have full assurance that by initiating conversation and showing her some interest, you have planted a seed within her. You may be the ONLY man that even attempted a normal conversation with her in a long time. You may be the ONLY man that noticed her appearance. You may be the ONLY man who made the interaction warm and inviting without coming across as creepy. The only thing you should concern yourself with is exhibiting Cool, Calm and Nonneedy. Your attempts to engage her in conversation is planting the seed. You'll find that after awhile, you'll notice that the women you attempted conversation with are now engaging you for conversation. And that is one of the good things about being direct. Even if she declines your offer, she now knows that you're interested in her. You may be the ONLY man that has given her the genuine attention she has been secretly wanting. And your Cool, Calm and Nonneedy behavior will only amplify her attraction to you. So even after you have moved on to attracting another woman, don't be surprised if weeks or months later, SHE attempts to close YOU for a date. Women tend to become more attracted to you when you behave as if you don't need them, and when you don't give them any special attention that they're accustomed to from most men. Often they wonder if it's because you are getting attention from another woman. Sometimes after you have withdrawn you interest in them by not approaching or calling, it dawns on them that you were showing them interest. When they think about dating or finding a love interest, YOU are at the top of her list of potential suitors. A woman tends to keep a mental note of men who she finds attractive, even if she declined their offer for a date. Weeks or months later, when she's feeling lonely in bed, or her circumstances allow her the opportunity to seek a love interest, she will reflect on the all the encounters she experienced recently, and it is typically those men who exhibited confident and charming behavior that she will consider potential suitors, that she finds attractive.
Sometimes opening her with "I was just thinking about you and wondering how is your day going so far?" is quite moving for a woman. In this case, you may be the only PERSON that cares about how she is feeling right now. Some women will be secretly attracted to you but will NOT reveal this to you. They may have been told the problems associated with workplace romances. They may have experienced such problems first-hand, as a result they're concerned about establishing a relationship with you. and rather than lead you on, they will show you disinterest. As usual, when you get consistent disinterest, move on to another woman. During that time, she will reason within herself whether to pursue a relationship with you or not. If she's interested, she will approach you. All you need to concern yourself with is planting the seed of showing her that you are interested in her, and from there be non-needy.
You should target women who are showing you interest, rather than attempt to attract a women who has not shown you interest before. Some women will make their interest known to you before you target them. Others will express interest after you approach them.
Remember that some women might be going through some professional or personal circumstances that prohibit them from. And some women are not always adept at picking up the signals that you are interested in them. The point is YOU must always be Cool Calm and Non-needy. Do these things and trust me my friend, Don't be surprised if the same women who weren't biting weeks or months ago, are now attempting to jump into your boat. So plant the seed by showing her some genuine attention, water it by approaching her for a second or third interaction, and even if she shows disinterest and you stop interacting with her, have full confidence that over time, her interest in you will grow.
Remember, the chapter on Foundations is the most important chapter in this book, as it provides solid principles for how to attract women to you without you actively seeking them out. Regardless of your "success rate", as long as you continue exhibiting the behaviors in the Foundations chapter, you can never fail to attract female co-workers. ============= GAMING OFF-SITE WORKPLACE REMORSE She has to see you the next day at work. If she met you at the bar, she would generally have less LMR because she doesn't have to see you again if she doesn't want to.
Remember that flirting and physical escalation to sex is much easier if the two of you agreed in advance that this is a "date". ========== LOGISTICS: Wherever you plan to go outside of work, make sure that you both ride together in the same car to your destination. Remember you are still in the Comfort phase, so riding together maintains the chemistry and sexual energy between you two. You can use this opportunity to continue entertaining her mind and playfully touching each other. If feasible, get her to pick you up from your place, as it gives you the opportunity to invite her inside before/after your date.
Understand that physical contact such as hugs are actually WELCOMED by female coworkers. It's a way of "clearing the air" between co-workers, and the stress that comes from being in the workplace. So yes, you can actually give them one of those "big hugs" and they WILL be receptive. But be sure to give all the other women you know a hug too. Make sure you do this with several women so as not to draw too much attention or gossip to any one particular women. GAMING OFF-SITE WITH OTHER CO-WORKERS PRESENT Even after you've gotten her away from the workplace, if there are other co-workers with you, you're NOT in the clear. She may still have some reservations about the interaction between you two with other co-workers around. Avoid creating the potential for gossip back at work. Some playful flirting is okay, but being noticeably close to her and attempting heavy touching will likely cause her to show resistance. It's still possible to continue conveying strong body language and sexualizing the interaction, but your goal is to take her to a place where it is just the two of you. This will allow her to let her guard down enough for you to escalate while maintaining her comfort levels.
So, sexualize the interaction through your body language and story-telling, but maintain a proper distance so as to not draw attention to you two. What's interesting is that even if you're not currently targeting any particular woman at work, you will find that there are female co-workers who will actively target YOU at a social venue. That's right, some women who didn't give you much attention at work are now attempting to attract you at the venue. And they will usually be women you haven't even considered targeting. This is one instance where being Cool, Calm and Connected pays off. Your alpha male behavior at work has been secretly attracting her, but you never knew it. Perhaps she was stressed at work or concerned about personal circumstances that she didn't feel it was good timing for her to attract you. Or maybe she was shy or afraid of expressing interest in you at work for fear of being rejected by you. But now that you two are OFF company grounds and OFF the clock, she's no longer
bothered with work or her personal circumstances. She now has the opportunity to let her hair down and put on her hottest outfit. And of all the guys at work who have . She will engage you in conversation, or flirt with you. She is attempting to make her interests known to you. In fact, do not be surprised if two or more female co-workers attempt to attract you at the venue. Be discreet. Don't give the appearance that you two are "in your own world" by always being completely apart from the rest of the group. Mix it up a bit. Make sure another coworker is with you two occasionally. Break off and interact with others in the venue for a bit, and then go back to her (or test her interest by waiting for her to come to you). Remember, until it's agreed upon that you two are an actual couple, be discreet. This would be a good time to suggest to her that you're discreet and that you don't kiss and tell: You: "You know, if other co-workers see us mingling together like this, they might think something's going on between us. And I hate gossip. I believe that whatever happens between two people, should stay between two people, and everyone else should mind their own business. Don't you agree?" Being with her at a venue with other co-workers is the perfect opportunity to be direct and arrange for going someplace with just the two of you. You: "Hey, it's crazy in here. Let's go check out that bar/shop down the street." This has little to do with testing her compliance and more to do with getting her away from other co-workers. Because you've been attracting and building comfort with her at work for some time, she should comply. As usual, escalate only when you feel she's open and receptive to you in the present interaction. You can even go direct and structure a sex closing opportunity for her (See sex closes). Understand: If a woman is at some social venue outside of work, and she is giving you strong interest, then she would rather be getting laid by you, than to be getting social with her peers. Take your cue from her signals and lead her to a private location. If she has to leave early, be sure to get her number. If you feel she's open to spending time with you, arrange to do something later tonight. The flames are still there. Don't let them die down because she has to leave early. Arrange to meet together later tonight: You: "Why don't you and I go get a drink?" You: "Before the night's over, I would love to do some naughty things with you behind closed doors."
CHAPTER 7: COMMUNICATING INTENTIONS Okay, so you've successfully closed her, and you two are together, OFF company grounds, and OFF the clock, with no other co-workers around. At this point you can play standard game, physically escalate, sexual framing, test boundaries, etc. Her social conditioning at the workplace will be minimal, and she can't file a harassment complaint if things get out of hand. At this point you absolutely MUST to switch from indirect game to direct game. It doesn't matter if you're both out to lunch together and you have to be back at work in 30 minutes. Use the time off company grounds to communicate your romantic or sexual interest. There may not be another opportunity to do so. When you greet each other, you hug her, and maybe a kiss on the cheek depending on your comfort. But hug her nonetheless. This is a form of intimacy that signals that you two are more that mere co-workers, and the potential for more than friends. This means more physical escalation attempts to kiss her, more suggestive and even explicit language. This is when you need to bring out the "bad boy" in you and make it blatantly obvious that you're a sexual man. The indirect approach in the workplace was a means of keeping your methods of attraction and comfort under the radar, so as to maintain her comfort levels, and minimize the risk of harassment complaints. Now that you've removed her from that environment, it's time to really turn up the heat. Make sure you're OFF company grounds and OFF the clock. "OFF company grounds" means you two not physically on company property, including the parking lot. "OFF the clock" means you two are not doing anything that's work-related or within the hours you normally work. Even if both of your are salaried employees, you're generally considered "off the clock" if you leave to get some lunch or after you leave work for the day. When it comes to sexual interest from a woman's perspective, understand 2 things: 1. If your target is reasonably attractive looking and you're communicating interest in her, then she KNOWS you want to have sex with her. In fact, many unattractive women feel the same way when they feel a man is giving them attention. She's intelligent enough to know that you aren't interacting with her "just to chat" or "just to be friends". You want sex. Period. 2. If your target is genuinely attracted to you and she's investing in the courtship, then she WANTS to have sex with you. She doesn't want to come out and say it, and expects you to lead her there. You can start by simply telling her that you have the same interests. There are many men who swear by indirect game from meet to sex. But you would be surprised at how many steps you eliminate if you simply tell a woman upfront that you want to have sex with her. It sounds suicidal to most men, but that's only because these men have been exposed mostly to principles of indirect game. They don't want to risk
"offending" or being "criticized" by their target, and therefore they are afraid of jeopardizing all their efforts by expressing sexual interest too soon. We're talking about workplace dating here. You didn't meet her an hour ago at the club. You already attracted her at work. She already got comfortable with you at work. It's not necessary to "slowly" and "indirectly" or "spontaneously" induce sexual states in her mind. If she's really attracted to you, you can openly talk dirty to her and she will get turned on. The main reason why most men won't be direct is because of the fear that women will reject and criticize them. But their harsh reactions stem from 2 things: 1) They have never encountered a man who was so bold and forward about his interests. This alone is incredibly attractive to them and 2) Their insults and criticisms are a test to see if you're body language and frame is congruent with what you're saying. But if you remain unaffected and persistent, while keeping good eye contact, then just like Drago, you must ‘break’ her, and she will give into you. Going direct will also test to see if she's interested in you either romantically or platonically. Yes, some women at work will go out with you even though they are NOT attracted to you. This is especially if you DIRECTLY closed her and she accepted. But unfortunately you overlooked the fact that she wasn't really investing or giving you many strong IOIs, other than being merely open to you in conversation. Now she's hoping to be wined and dined and simply going for the ride at your expense, and not give you any "love" in return. So when you start exhibiting sexual behavior towards her and she's attracted to you, she will remain passive or reciprocate. But if she's NOT interested in you romantically she will stop you and tell you that she's not interested in you in that way. So you absolutely MUST communicate your romantic or sexual interest in her when both of you are OFF company grounds, and OFF the clock. === THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING FIRM AND STICKING TO YOUR INTERESTS AND INTENTIONS Let's say you KNOW you want only casual sex with no strings attached. This following is the WRONG way to communicate those interests: You: "...and uhhh...I don't think I want a serious relationship right now...but I'm not sure...maybe...I don't know..." Her: "Well, I want to be in a committed relationship before having sex with anyone." You: "That's cool. I'm a flexible person." Overtime, you will become unhappy with the situation because it's not what you really wanted. And it will adversely affect your relationship and your sex life. You can have your cake and eat it too. You don't have to compromise your values for the sake of getting some pussy.
This following is the RIGHT way: You: "And I just want to focus on my career (or college), so I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now. I’m more interested in finding a lover to enjoy myself with on occasion." Her: "Well, I want to be in a committed relationship before having sex with anyone." You: "That's fine. I respect your decision and hope you find someone who can meet your needs." You may say, "But most women want a committed relationship before having sex." That's true in some cases. After all, who wants sex that they're not sure is going to be around next week or next month? So yes, women want to have sex consistently and a surefire way to get that is within the provisions of a monogamous relationship. The additional benefit is neither partner can have sex with others, thereby reducing the chances of either catching any STDs. But in light of this, you must realize that NOT all women want a monogamous relationship. She too may want to focus on her career or college, or she simply wants to be free to make her own life decisions without input from anyone else: You: "To be honest, I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now. I thought you and I could be lovers from time to time if you’re open to the idea." Her: "You know, I’d really like that. So many people jump into a serious relationship right from the start. I love my freedom." Make her feel like she means more to you than just some hole. That there is a strong passion between you two, even if it is only sexual in nature. As long as you communicate your expectations upfront, and make her feel special and confident in you, she will yield to you. The point is that there are women out there who want the same thing you want, and those that don't MAY be flexible to accommodate your interests. All you need to do is be firm and stick to YOUR interests. One of the benefits of being upfront and direct is even if she rejects your intentions, she will admire your candor. She might even tell some of her female friends about you, including women at work. This works in your favor because she is raising your value in their eyes. You are now viewed as a ladies' man before you even have your first conversation with them, and they will be curious as to how you might interact with them. COMMUNICATING YOUR INTENTIONS The main reason for being honest about your intentions is so that not only does she know up front what to expect from the relationship, but also in case you want to end the relationship at a later time (especially if it’s a casual sex relationship), it minimizes her reacting vindictively because you’ve been honest from the start.
She wants to know "Where is this relationship going?", without having to come out and ask. If she's any way attracted to you, she KNOWS it will inevitably lead to sex, but she wants to know in what context? Do you want sex within a committed relationship? Or casual sex with no strings attached? Remember, as a man and leader, she expects you to lead her. So step up and tell her what your interests and intentions are for the relationship between you two. If she's interested in an romantic relationship with you, she may bring up the subject of Dating and Relationships by asking you questions like, "Do you have a girlfriend?" or "What are you looking for in a relationship?" Once you're OFF company grounds, and OFF the clock, at some point you want to clearly communicate the direction you want the relationship to go, and see if she has the same interests. There are generally 2 types of relationships you can pursue at this point: 1) monogamous relationship (sex as boyfriend and girlfriend) 2) non-monogamous relationship (sex with no strings attached or Friends with Benefits) Here's how to communicate these interests and how to deal with any resistance or rejection.
MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP How much your target invests in the courtship OFF company ground will be an indication of how she views you and the relationship. If she's genuinely attracted to you she will do things such as pick you up in her car, or pay a portion towards the date, of perform some gesture to show that she's contributing as opposed to you doing everything.
Remember, it is VERY important that you state what you want as if she wants the same thing. This makes you sound more natural, but not awkward because you're not worried if she'll say No. You already KNOW she wants the same thing you want. This level of confidence will influence her to say Yes. communicate that you want her for a girlfriend: You: "You know, I really like you and I want you to be my girlfriend. What do you think about that?" You: "What do you think about us being boyfriend and girlfriend?"
If both of you want a monogamous relationship, but she doesn't want sex too soon, if you feel she is worth it, then wait patiently for her. A woman will wait for a few reasons. She doesn't want to appear easy. She wants to get to know you over time without sex to cloud her judgments. This is especially if you're a good lover. She doesn't want the relationship to be "just about sex". She wants you to be affectionate and give her attention outside the bedroom. Therefore, she needs evidence that you want her for HER, not just her body. Until sex occurs, make sure she is adequately investing in the relationship as opposed to you saying and doing everything. In general, a woman who is genuinely committed to maintain a relationship with you will do things for such as cook a meal for you, buy you gifts, or pay your way. Of course in return, you should increase the amount of attention and affection you give her. Appreciate her for the ways in which she takes care of you. NON-MANOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP You can even communicate that you want casual sex. I encourage the direct approach: You: “You know, I’m not looking for in a committed relationship. I find you very attractive and I’m more interested in us being lovers if you’re interested.” Her: “I like that idea. It’s nice to meet someone who is so honest about what he wants.” (I have gotten a response like this on several occasions.) If you’re not sure your target is open and adventurous, then you can test to see if she's interested in you romantically. This is especially if she is someone at work who you encounter quite frequently, such as someone who works in your department, or someone you often assist with work-related tasks. If you move too fast without getting an idea of how interested she is in you, you could experience awkward moments on your date, and in the workplace. You also want to do this for women you have closed INdirectly, particularly if she hasn't shown strong interest. She may still view you only as a platonic or professional interest and would like to keep it that way. Test the waters through physical escalation, caressing her back or kissing her. Boldly but gently get into her personal space. If she's receptive to these advances, then you can safely express your sexual desire for her. Also, get into conversations about Dating and Relationship, then transition to conversations about Sex. You want to talk about Dating and Relationships so you can communicate your expectations to the woman you're dating. You want to talk about sex to arouse her and close her for sex.
CONVERSATIONS ABOUT SEX You: "The reason why I broke up with one of my girlfriends is because she wasn't good in bed."
Her: "Really? What happened?" You: "Well, she rarely gave me head, and when she did it wasn't all that great." (This creates a challenge for her.)
You: "Would you rather have sex with a man who made you come once a week, or use a vibrator that made you come everyday?" SEX CLOSE Remember, you are Cool and Calm. Give her strong eye contact with a slight smile, like the Mona Lisa. It doesn't have to be explicit, vulgar language. But it has to communicate that you are referring to having sex with her: You: "I find you very attractive, and I would love to get to know you better at my place. It'll be romantic." You: "I'd like to get together with you romantically." You: "You know, I'd like to see you later tonight for some one-on-one romance." You: "I don't want this moment to end. Let's go back to my place." You: "I find you incredibly sexy, and I would love to have some fun with you beneath the sheets." You: "I want you to come to my place so we can do some naughty things together." You: "If you promise to be good, I might let you sleep with me. But if you're bad, I'll have to send you home when we're through." You: "Can I tell you a secret?" Her: "What." You: "I would love to have sex with you." If she seems receptive to your sexual interest in her, you can accelerate her arousal by vividly describing what you want to do with her. For example, you might whisper in her ear something like, "I want you to feel the warmth of my body pressed against yours while I'm stroking in and out of you." The more visual and sensual you are in your description, the more turned on she will be. You can say this to even the most prudish, conservative, religious women, and they WILL be turned on. Remember, women are turned on by what they hear, and are seduced by your words.
Dating coaches of the indirect method say you should be indirect from meet to sex so as to maintain her comfort levels. However, there are two benefits for communicating your romantic or sexual interest in a clear, direct manner: 1. You bypass many of the steps and issues that arise from using the indirect method. No last minute resistance or reactions to keep her from feeling like a slut. 2. You filter out female manipulators. This is because some women may actually NOT be romantically interested in you at all, but will give you the impression that they're interested in order to lead you on and manipulate you. Yes, there are women in your workplace who want nothing more than to have male "friends" who they can use to "entertain" them with conversation when they're bored, or men who they can use as "therapists" to vent about their problems, their lovers, or to receive attention and flattery. These women will usually be in committed relationships (hence why you should ask about her relationship status See), although others are single. But they will all use your openness and friendliness as a way of taking advantage of you (see Friends zone). This is why you MUST communicate your interests clearly. When you communicate your interests clearly, you tend to get a clear, specific response from her as to how she views you and the relationship, which minimizes her chances of manipulating you. Example of vague, ambiguous communication: You: "I really like you a lot." Her: "I like you too. How about you take me out to dinner sometime?" Her request for dinner can be the start of her using you for personal gain, without giving you the thing you want in return. But when you're clear and specific about your interests and intentions, she can't help but be clear to you in return: Example of clear, direct communication: You: "What do you think about us being boyfriend and girlfriend?" or "I want you to come to my place so we can do some naughty things together." Her: "Okay, let's try it out and see how it goes." or "I'm not interested in you that way." or "Let's just be friends." The basic premise for dealing with a manipulative woman is to either let her go, or do for her only in direct proportion what she does for you. If she's giving you sex regularly, then feel free to do what she wants. But if she's holding back from you the things that you want, then you hold back from her the things that she wants. As far as I'm concerned, this isn't love at all, but I'm providing you a basic guideline if you feel you might be dealing with a manipulator. A woman who is genuinely attracted to you won't attempt to get you to do too many things for her. In fact, many of these exceptional women will do MORE for you than you do for them, and those my friend are your keepers. Either way, you really shouldn't do too much money-spending or favors for your target until it's established that you're boyfriend/girlfriend or after you're having sex regularly. But if she
keeps giving you the run-around with excuses like, "I still want to get to know you a little more" or "Let's continue being friends and see where it leads" or "I'm not ready yet, but maybe later on down the line, who knows?", while STILL getting you to shower her with attention, spend money and do favors for her, you are being PLAYED. Let her go; she is just using you. Now you have made your sexual interest in her plain and clear. She now knows that sex is available to her by you. Above all, your confidence, frame, or vibe must be strong and congruent with your interests and intentions. You must be absolute within yourself about what you want to communicate to her. She will read your words, body language. If your incongruent, it will give off a creepy vibe and she will feel it and associate that with you. Then she can take that experience with her to work and feel uncomfortable when you're around. So you must be strong in this. You must communicate to her as if you don't care how she responds or what she thinks of you. you're simply stating what's on your mind, without apology. That type of confidence is very attractive to women, and even if she says No, she won't feel uncomfortable with you at work.
Because of her attraction and level of investment in the courtship, even if she secretly wants a monogamous relationship, she will likely have sex with you if for nothing more than to "test the goods" to determine if all her efforts were worth it. Women are not some "fragile" sexual creatures in which you have to very gently lead them to the idea of sex.
These women are so used to indirect methods by men, that they don't expect direct, forward behavior even though they secretly desire it. So when one states his interests in an upfront, confident manner, these women are thinking, "FINALLY! A man who has the balls to say what he wants without all the games!"
One flawed teaching within the seduction community is the idea that from meeting a woman all the way to the bedroom, a man has to somehow hide his sexual interest in his target. He has to resort to indirect methods like having casual conversation while subcommunicating sexual interest. It appears this contradicts the suggested behavior in the workplace, but of course it's just in case your target is NOT attracted to you and wants to file a harassment complaint. But outside of the workplace you are free to say to a woman what is really on your mind in terms of how you feel about her and what direction you want to take the relationship. But here is a mystery about how women will behave with men they are attracted to. How you treat them is how they will respond to you. If you treat them like a "goodie two shoes”, then they will likely behave prudishly around you.
And this is why concepts such as "sexual framing" and "same night lays" work so well. Many women will respond to you in the manner that you treat them. If you treat them like "Ms. Monogamous," they will play that role. If you treat them like a woman who will indulge in casual sex, they will respond accordingly. By clearly communicating sexual interest, you're setting the frame that sex is going to happen; that "It's on" between you two. The controversial idea that "women love sex as much as men" can be put to rest in your life by simply stating your sexual interest to your target. Truly, if your target is genuinely attracted to you, she won't "lose comfort" just because you clearly stated your sexual interest. In fact, she will be even MORE turned on by you, even if at first she seems "resistant". And if it turns our that she's not interested in you in that way, then at least you saved time by not slowly "easing" her into the bedroom with you. In the community, we're told that the hottest, most beautiful women get hit on all the time. But what we're NOT told is that these same women are merely hit on INdirectly. In other words, the majority of the time, these women are constantly approached with things like, "Can I ask you for an opinion?" or "Can you help me with directions?" or "Are your nails real?" Many guys might even say, "You look beautiful!" or "You look hot in that outfit.", but then they will go through the lengthy process of demonstrating value and "entertaining" the woman in order to attract her. But very, VERY few men will have the balls to walk up to a beautiful woman, boldly enter her personal space, look her square in the eye and say, "I think you're incredibly sexy, and I would love to fuck the living daylights out of you." This takes natural confidence, but you must understand that even if that woman reacts harshly or criticizes such behavior, deep down she is PROFOUNDLY intrigued by his confidence. And even after they go their separate ways, she will be thinking about that man for quite a while. Understand: It's very attractive to a woman to be approached by a man who confidently tells her exactly what he wants without beating around the bush (no pun intended). If you are still unsure about being bold and direct with women, then simply test it out at the bar or club. For once, approach a woman and tell her EXACTLY what it is you want from her. Again, it is important that you state what you want as if she wants the same thing. This makes your approach more natural and confident, but not awkward because you're not worried if she'll say No. You already KNOW she wants to be with you. Remember, no indirect methods like opinion openers, etc. Just approach and say what it is that YOU want: You (approaching): "Hello, my name is John. What's yours?" Her (smiles): "Nancy." You: "Well Nancy, I find you very attractive, and right now I would love to get to know you better over dinner." Her: "I can't. I'm with my friends."
You: "Well, I'll be around if you're still interested." OR You (approaching): "Hello, my name is John. What's yours?" Her (smiles): "Nancy." You: "Well Nancy, I find you incredibly sexy, and I would love to fuck you doggiestyle." Her: "Oh my god! I can't believe you just said that!" You: "Well, believe it. So let's get out of here and have some real fun together." Her: "Whatever. I'm trying to enjoy my drink, so leave me alone." You: "Okay, enjoy your evening." Now go back to your friends or another area of the bar or club. Watch her behavior from the distance. If she looks at you for the first time, she is INTRIGUED. If she looks at you a second time, she is ATTRACTED. Remember not to break eye contact with her. Understand that at this point she is strongly considering the idea of getting to know you better over dinner, or she is imagining you fucking her, and getting turned on by it. You have boldly and confidently stated what you wanted from her, while all the other guys are taking the longer, safer route of being indirect. She may actually like your proposition, but will give you resistance so as to not appear easy. But know that your confident and direct behavior IS the primary reason why she is attracted to you. So after the encounter, you can even afford to pay no attention to her, but don't be surprised if 10 minutes later, 30 minutes later, or even an hour later, SHE approaches YOU, ready to get together: Her (approaching): "So, are you ready to go to dinner?" or "So, would you really fuck me doggie style?" One of the beautiful things about being direct is it's actually EASIER to approach even the most beautiful women. This is because you don't have to worry about going through all the steps for being indirect. You don't have to figure out which opener to use, or which conversation topic to transition to, or which compliance tests to give her. By being upfront about your interests and intentions, you are bypassing all the games and getting the thing you want much, much faster.
We live in a world were people are so indirect so as to not offend, that there are many people who feel that a man communicating sexual interest early in a courtship is somehow sleazy or desperate, and that women are turned off by this. Let me set the record straight: Women are turned off only by men who BEHAVE as if they are weak or desperate, NOT by men who are confident in expressing themselves honestly. Most are actually intrigued because such honesty is so rare. A man can behave sleazily in a confident, playful manner, and still turn a woman on. It truly is not what you say but HOW you say it. It is the strength of your inner character that a woman will use to evaluate you. Therefore, a woman is far more attracted to a strong man who can boldly come into her personal space, confidently look her in the eye and say, "I find you to be a
very attractive woman, and I would love get to know you better in bed," than a man who shyly looks at the ground and says, "Ummm, I was wondering, uhhh, well, ummm, wanna have dinner sometime?" She may say decline both offers, but the confident man will be in her thoughts much, much longer. === COMPANY RETREATS Stating your sexual interest also works well at company retreats and out-of-town conferences. In fact, women are actually MORE open to a sexual encounter at these events and they generally behave as if they were vacationing at a resort in Jamaica. This is because it's very romantic and exciting for a woman to have sex in a exotic location away from the "real world" and its social rules. They've seen it in chick flicks. They've read about it in romance novels. And it's something they all fantasize about doing. Even women in committed relationships have these fantasies. But they will NOT come out and say that to you. So you MUST be the man and lead them into doing what they secretly want. Because these events typically last only a week or less, you'll want to start approaching women for conversation early on. Be aware that other co-workers are present and she wants to prevent any rumors. So you want your interactions to appear as if you're friends, and not courting, so avoid any heavy physical escalation. Again, a woman is turned on by what she hears, so you can seduce her with your words alone.
There are a few ways you can tell that she's attracted to you at a retreat or out-of-town conference. One way is if she spends more time with you than she does with others at the event. She often sits with you or explores the resort with you. Another way is if she primps, or applies makeup. If she goes to the restroom and comes back and her makeup is enhanced, she did that for YOU. acknowledge her make up and continue the courtship. As usual, it's important that your target is investing in your interactions and giving you strong interest, preferably one or more of the Big 3. If the two of you just met at the event and you feel it's necessary to get her more comfortable with you, then get a drink together at the bar, or invite her to take a tour of the resort together, or suggest going to some of the local shops in town. Physical escalation is a good test to see if she considers you more of a romantic interest than professional or platonic. Be careful when and how you physically escalate. Remember, other co-workers are around and she needs you to be discreet. Remember, she wants you to lead her. Once you get strong interest from her, then close her for sex. The sex close need not be too explicit or vulgar, but it has to communicate that you are referring to having sex with
her. Get on the subject about hopes and dreams, or dating and relationships, create good sexual tension, then go for the sex close: You: "I'm curious as to how's the view from your bedroom window?" Her: "Oh, it looks lovely. You should stop by sometime to see for yourself." (This is a good indirect close if you're still not sure how interested she is in you. Her response such as the above means she's open to being alone with you.) You: "I find you very attractive, and I feel that spending some quality time in your room together will add a romantic touch to our trip here." You: "Before this trip is over, I would love to have some fun with you beneath the sheets." You: "You know we're not going to be here much longer, so let's you and I have some one-on-one adventure in your room later. It'll be romantic." You: "I'd like for us to do some naughty things together before we go back home." You: "You know, I should tuck you in bed one of these nights to make sure you're safe and protected. Do you like bedtime stories?" Her (smiling): "Yeah." You: "Once upon a time, there was you and me...playing together beneath the sheets..." Her: (blushes or giggles) You: "So let's get together later. It'll be romantic."
Remember, if she seems hesitant or resistant to your offer, it is an indicator of INTEREST, otherwise she would immediately tell you No or not interested. She just doesn't want to appear easy. You don't have to pressure her for an answer. Simply give her your room number and your cell number, and tell her to give you a call if she wants. Trust me, if she's attracted to you, she WILL call. But be discreet. Don't walk with her to the room. Meet up with her there. Exchange room numbers and call each other from the room phone or your cell phones to arrange meeting up. Unless she says otherwise, I recommend you suggest meeting in her room. That way she isn't seen going to and from your room, and she doesn't have to get dressed when you're done. If she declines your direct close, do NOT ask her "Why not?" or "when would be a good time for you?" This could generate discomfort in her. Again, you are non-needy. If she declines your direct close, simply respond with a sincere smile, and say, "That's fine, I understand." You do NOT have to apologize for how you feel and what you want. Any resistance she puts up is merely her anti-slut defense, but at least she knows you can be her sex partner before going back home, and she may accept your offer later.
The risks are slightly higher in that she can file a harassment complaint against you, since she's an employee and you are still on company time . Chances are she won't file a sexual harassment complaint against you because she's in a relaxed, "friendlier" state, and because she would have to wait until she went back to the workplace, giving her time to 'get over' the encounter. Remember what I said about the importance of closing when the interest is strong. This applies also to company retreats and out-of-town conferences. If she's investing in your interactions and giving you strong interest, chances are good that she wants to have sex with you at the event. But if you overlook her interest because you're hesitant or afraid of being rejected, don't be surprised when you're back in the workplace and she seems cold towards you. This is your indication she's put off that you didn't finish what you started. So if you know your intent is to have sex at these events, and she is giving you strong interest, then go all the way. Be sure to bring some condoms with you to any out-of-town events. Make no mistake: Many of the women you see at company retreats and business trips are secretly daydreaming about "getting some" before the event is over. Make their dreams come true.
---COMMUNICATING YOUR EXPECTATIONS Communicating your expectations must be about honesty, trust and respect. Don't attempt to sleep with her first and THEN communicate where you want the relationship to go. Before entering a sexual relationship, you want to let her know up front (before sex) where you stand with the relationship. Let her know up front whether sex between you two will be casual with no strings attached or, in within the boundaries of a monogamous relationship. If you don't, you might get some last minute resistance to sex because she's not sure what's going to happen between you two after sex. Also, if you have sex with a woman without ever communicating BEFOREHAND that you don't want a monogamous relationship, she will generally ASSUME that you want a monogamous relationship. So it's irresponsible for you to say you're not interested in a monogamous relationship AFTER having sex with her. She will resent you. You: "To be honest I'm not the committed relationship type. I like my freedom and I like to date other women. I'm still interested in dating you for a few weeks or so to see how things go, if you're interested." (communicates that you are NOT open to a committed relationship) You: "For now, I'm not looking for anything long term. I want to focus on my career (or school). (communicates that you are NOT open to a committed relationship)
You: "You know, ever since my last relationship ended, my friends encourage me to find another girlfriend. And I tell them that when I find the right woman, then we'll see how it goes." (communicates that you ARE open to a committed relationship) You: "I'm not looking for a serious relationship, but I enjoy being with you, and I'd like to be someone I can enjoy myself with from time to time." There are two things you must communicate to her in order to easily escalate to sex. Of all the advice in the Guide, these are NON-NEGOTIABLE. It must be done in the comfort phase, and it must be conveyed indirectly. Ideally, you want to communicate these in the form of a Story or your perspective on the subject. If you don't mention these sometime during the comfort phase, it can be harder to escalate to sex. Plus you want to do this because to minimize workplace remorse. 1. You are discreet. She wants to know that you won't talk to other co-workers about your relationship together. Conveying that you don't kiss and tell to a female co-worker is much more important than doing the same to a stranger in the club, because as coworkers, both of you work in the same company and know the same people. It's one thing for her to appear like a slut to her friends or strangers in the club, but it's much worse to appear like a slut to other co-workers, especially her superiors, who she has to see and work with everyday. This is especially for women who are in prestigious positions at work, such as supervisors and above. In any case, being perceived as a slut at work is a risk she will not take. She must know that what happens between you two, stays between you two. Don't even mention to other co-workers that you two are "just hanging out" with a big grin on your face. The best response to any intrusive questions about you two is to keep a straight face and say, "We're just friends." If anyone does the bragging, let it be her. It will only raise your value in the eyes of other women. Understand that since the beginning of time, the juiciest gossip has always been who's fucking who. The workplace is no exception. Keep your lips shut, or she will keep hers shut from you: You: "I remember when me and my ex-girlfriend had an amazing night together, and the next day my friend John told me, 'I heard you two hooked up last night.’ And I was devastated. I didn't think she would tell anyone. I believe that whatever happens between two people, should stay between two people, and everyone else should mind their own business. Don't you agree?" You: "I like to keep my personal life private, and I don't like gossip at work. So it's important to me that what happens between us, stays between us. Are you okay with this?"
2. You are non-judgmental. She wants to know that you won't think of her as a slut after sex. This is regardless of whether you sleep with her the same day you've met, or months after getting to know each other at work. She wants to know that you will still value her
as a person. She needs non-judgmental acceptance from you. This is especially because she has to see you at work the next day, and if you haven't communicated that you are non-judgmental, she could feel remorse, as if her value is low in your eyes because she slept with you too soon. As if she was just a body to you, and wondering if you're telling others about what went on between you two. Liberate her from such inhibitions by communicating that you don't judge: You: "...And she and I became intimate soon after we met, so my friend John was like, 'Don't you think that was a little fast?' And I told him that as long as the love and passion is there, you don't need society to dictate when you should be intimate with someone. Besides, I believe that every person has a right to make their own decisions without being judged by others. Don't you agree?" You: "I think it's unfortunate how society thinks it's okay for a man to have sex with whoever he wants, but a woman is called a whore or slut for doing the same thing. I believe that every person has a right to make their own decisions without being judged by others. Don't you agree?" If you have a long term relationship you need to also communicate and AGREE upfront that you don't want to bring you problems to work. You need to focus on your job, so you don't need to call each other all day at work. You don't need to cause gossip. you are at work for the company, not for each other. You: "I heard of cases where couples have brought their problems to work. But I want us to be different. I like to keep my personal life private, and I don't like gossip at work." In terms of timing, I highly recommend that you communicate your interests near the end of your date, especially lunch or dinner dates. Go in, adjust to the environment, do some small talk, flirt and tease, etc. When she's about halfway through with her dinner, begin expressing your interests. This way, in the event she's NOT interested in what you want, then at least the rest of the date won't feel awkward.
========== Closing for Sex You: I'm enjoying myself with you. You're welcome to come to my place if you want." You: "Would you like to come over to my place for awhile?" You: "Would you like to watch a movie together over pizza?" ========= DAY 2 If sex doesn't happen on the first date, be non-needy
You increase the chances of sex happening on the second date if you are non-needy. ========= THE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP When it comes to seducing your target for sex, you should experience little to no resistance. This is because she didn't meet you a few hours ago at the bar or club. She got to know you over the days, weeks or months from working together. In general, the more attraction and comfort you've built at the workplace, the easier it will be to escalate to sex. After having sex with you for the first time, she will probably feel somewhat vulnerable. So be sure to hold and caress her in bed for a few moments. Tell her how wonderful it felt and how beautiful she is. Pillow-talk for a few minutes before getting up to get dressed. Kiss and hug her goodnight when you/she leaves. Although this is common knowledge, it is mentioned here because of the remorse factor. She has to see you at work the next day and doesn't want to appear like a slut to you. And she doesn't want be just a "body" to you. She wants to still be respected and valued as a person. So by doing these warm, loving things after sex, you communicate that you care about her for who she is, not what she is. This will make her feel more comfortable about continuing a sexual relationship with you. Understand that women WANT to be dominated in bed. This is especially at the start of a sexual relationship. The term 'domination' doesn't necessarily mean handcuff and whips. But it DOES mean taking the lead, telling her what you want to do, and talking dirty to her while you're doing it. So none of this nice guy "I want to make love to her" nonsense. She wants to be fucked, so you better deliver. Even Adrian from Rocky with her shy, prudish self would prefer a real good fucking over love-making any day.
For tips on how to become a better lover in bed, check out David Shade, Daniel Rose, or School of Dating. =========== RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT Remember to be discreet. Don't kiss and tell. If you don't want to communicate to others that you're romantically involved, then don't show up at her place of work every other day. It's safe to assume that the average woman will have no more than 1 sex partner from her job (she doesn't want to be called the company whore). so even though you may have told her in advance that you're not looking for any commitments, she'll usually behave in a way that suggests she belongs only to you. And she might mention the two of you as
being an item in conversations with other female co-workers. She might say "Oh yeah, John and I saw that movie a few weeks ago", or "That's one of my favorite meals. I might cook it for John when he comes over." She is merely staking her territory to other women and saying "Stay away, he's mine." Don't worry, she's actually boosting your value through pre-selection. Also, because she'll usually behave as if she belongs to you, it's not necessary to tell her if you're seeing other women. And if she asks, She may periodically call or approach you at work to chat and see what you're up to. But it also could be an attempt to keep tabs on you out of a sense of jealousy that you might be flirting with other women at work. Exercise good judgment to determine her motivations and act accordingly: You: "You know, I like when we chat, but you don't have to keep contacting me because I'm busy with work. Are you okay? Is something bothering you?" Remember, you may be the only man she's sleeping with. Any sort of "committed behavior" she displays at the work place is merely a signal that she wants to know that you still value her and your relationship, and she doesn't want to be replaced and have to go through all the hassle of finding another man. At the workplace, keep things professional or platonic with her. It's not necessary, nor expected, to contact her every other hour to see what she's up to. This is clingy. And don't contact her at work arranging to meet-up at a later time. All these things can be arranged AFTER work. You've already won her, so you don't have to keep engaging her at work. If you've played the game right, and you were a gentleman and/or you were good in bed, SHE will close YOU for another meet-up: Her: "Hi. I was calling to see if we could get together later tonight?" or "Hi. I'm making some dinner and was wondering if you wanted to come over?"
You've already won a relationship with her. There's no need to constantly impress her on the job. Be the same YOU that you were before you attempted attracting her. Be Cool, Calm and Connected You can keep women at bay by letting them know you have a girlfriend: You: "Yeah, my girlfriend and I had a similar talk about that." You: "I'm sorry. I'm going to be meeting my girlfriend for lunch."
CHAPTER 8: ENDING THE COURTSHIP What happens if she becomes flaky during the courtship? What if she says No to my direct close? What happens if she rejects my proposition for sex? What happens if she wants to call off our relationship? What happens if she leaves me for another male coworker? What happens if she wants to be just friends? She wants to know that if things don't work out, there won't be any consequences for her at work. You won't treat her differently from other co-workers. That everything will be "business as usual" between you two: You: "I understand." You: "It's probably better if we remain just friends." You: "That's cool. At least you're fun to talk to at work." You: "Yeah, it's no big deal. At least we have a good professional relationship at work."
From that point on, keep her strictly professional. Never approach or contact her unless it's something work-related. If you cross paths, simply smile and say 'Hi' and continue on without conversation, unless she initiates it. And be sure to treat her with the same professional courtesy that you would any other co-worker. Assist her with any workrelated tasks she has, and be someone she can confidently approach. Continue to be friendly and approachable to her, just don't give her the impression that you are trying to hit on her. When you return to work, give her space. Don't contact her; wait for her to contact you. And be sure you treat her with the same professional courtesy that you would any other co-worker. All this serves the purpose of hooking up again at a later time. But at this point consider her a flake and move on.
WHAT HAPPENS IF I WANT TO END THE COURTSHIP? There may be a time when you are the one who wants to end the relationship, for whatever reason. This is where communicating your intentions up front is vital. As long as you were up front and honest about what you wanted from the relationship, there should be no surprises for her when you decide to end the relationship. You: “I’m no longer interested in dating right now because I want to focus on my career (or school).
You: “I enjoy the freedom of being single, but I still want us to be friends. I think you’re a wonderful person, and I like talking with you from time to time.” As long as you've been up front about your intentions and been respectful towards her, she will be far less prone to react vindictively because you’ve been a good guy from the start. She will respect you and be more accepting about the relationship ending. In summary when the courtship has ended, don't treat her worse or differently than anyone else, but also don't give her any special attention either. Be the same YOU that you were before you attempted attracting her. Be Cool, Calm and Connected 1. Give her space. Keep her strictly professional. Never approach or contact her unless it's something work-related. If you cross paths, simply smile and say 'Hi' and continue on without conversation, unless she initiates it. Continue to be friendly and approachable to her, just don't give her the impression that you are trying to hit on her. Treat her like you would when you first met her. 2. Treat her with professional courtesy. And be sure you treat her with the same professional courtesy that you would any other co-worker. Be open and smile when she approaches you. Don't alienate yourself from her, or give her the cold shoulder when she's around. Assist her with any work-related tasks she has, and be someone she can confidently approach. This is especially if you're her superior, or you're a key person she needs to get her work done. NEVER give a woman the impression that she has to give you her time, her company, or her body in order for you to treat her with professional courtesy at work. This is a form of "quid pro quo" (this for that) in the workplace and you can lose you job over this. Don't make her feel as if she somehow "owes" you because you're not getting a satisfactory return on your investment in the courtship. An alpha male does NOT need any particular woman. If she's attracted, fine. If not, who's next? 3. Validate her. This is an excellent way to communicate that you still think she's cool and you have no hard feelings that the courtship didn't work out. Your validation can be spoken in passing on your way to your destination. Don't give her the impression that your compliment is an attempt to hit on her. Remember, just like a statement of interest, it shouldn't sound too forward, and you don't have to validate her with every encounter; just once or twice to give her the sense that the "breakup" is no big deal to you. Because it really isn't. You're the man, and you have other women available to you: You: "That was a good idea you suggested at the business meeting." You: "This task you performed looks really professional." You: "I think it's neat how your shoes match your blouse. You have good fashion sense." Giving her space, treating her with professional courtesy and validating her all serves a few purposes: 1) It communicates that you have no hard feelings towards her, which makes her comfortable around you at the workplace. 2) It allows her to feel more
comfortable about hooking up with you again at a later time. 3) She will see you as a cool person who can be part of her social circle, and she will introduce you to her female friends.
You may be troubled about the courtship ending because the relationship looked promising to you. Don't be. Remember, you are the man and you have PLENTY of opportunities available to you. Ending this courtship is no big deal. The best way for you to truly "get over" this courtship is to start another one. Find another woman who has shown you interest or who you may be interested in. Her interest in you will begin to overshadow the bad feelings you have about the previous relationship.
In short, when ending a courtship with a woman at work, don't shower her with attention in an effort to win her back. This is needy and will cause her to feel uncomfortable with you. But at the same time, don't completely ignore her or treat her coldly. This is being an asshole and it lowers your value. All you need to do is simply withdraw your interest in her and focus your efforts on another woman, while at the same time treating her with professional courtesy where appropriate. Trust me, she WILL notice the difference and respect you for it. As a Great Teacher once said, "Be wise as a serpent, and harmless as a dove." > Don't get angry, and don't spread rumors about her. And remember...NO TANGIBLES. > When you return to work, give her space. Do NOT bring the problem into the workplace. Don't go to her office and try to discuss the relationship. No emails or phone messages saying how you don't want it to be over. NO TANGIBLES. This is harassment. And she can go to HR to put a stop to it. It doesn't matter if you two had consensual sex last night and today she wants out, you are now harassing an employee at work, and HR will take action, even if that means terminating your employment. > treat her with the same professional courtesy that you would any other co-worker. > You are the man, and you have PLENTY of options available to you. > You have plenty of foxes to chase at work. Because you've been exhibiting Cool, Calm and Connected behavior at your workplace since before the relationship even began, you'd be surprised at the positive responses you'll get now once you get back into the game of attracting women at work.
A third thing you can communicate is that there will be no hard feelings if things don't work out between you two. You don't need to communicate this until you're out on a date and things start going downhill. Say you're at the bar or at your place, and for whatever reason she starts getting cold feet and wants to go home without scheduling a day two. She wants to know that if things don't work out, there will be no consequences at work. You won't treat her differently from other co-workers. That everything will be "business as usual" between you two.
You: "That's cool. At least you're open-minded, and fun to talk to." You: "Yeah, it's no big deal. Maybe we can try another time when you feel more comfortable. Besides, at least we have a good professional relationship at work." When you return to work, give her space. Don't contact her; wait for her to contact you. And be sure to treat her with the same professional courtesy that you would any other coworker. All this serves the purpose of hooking up again at a later time. But at this point consider her a flake and move on. Many women at work have a circle of female co-workers who they chat with, and they DO talk about guys at work. So even if it turns out she's not interested, she will tell her friends about your confident behavior. "He has balls! He looked and talked with me like he KNEW he was going to get me." These women will be curious about you, and will therefore be much more open to your approach and conversation. Remember, you are a man. Any woman who turns you down, only means that a better woman is coming to you. This current one is merely not the right woman for you, regardless of how "hot" she looks or how "wonderful" her personality is. She may be beautiful, but she might be manipulative or have a lot of emotional baggage. Trust me. A "hotter" woman is coming your way. One that seeks your best interests without all the drama. Simply believe it.
Dealing with clingy women. If you are the one who calls off the relationship, this can be difficult to accept for some women. Therefore she may attempt to stalk you. Calling you frequently, visiting you at your place of work. The best way to deal with the issue is to talk with her OFF company grounds and OFF the clock. Let her know that it's over and that you are feeling harassed at work, and that if it doesn't stop, then you will take appropriate action with HR. ============ AUTHOR'S PERSONAL PREFERENCE Also, as a matter of personal preference, I rarely approach or initiate conversation with a woman more than twice in a row. My first approach is usually an introduction (our names, job positions, etc.). My second approach is to engage her in a non-work related conversation, and maybe structure a closing opportunity depending on the dynamics of our interaction. But the third approach is on HER. The same goes for women with whom I'm already acquainted. My first two approaches would be for non-work related conversations, but the third approach is on HER. Two approaches in a row usually tells a woman that you have some sort of interest in her, even if the nature of your conversations are casual. But three approaches in a row borderlines on being too persistent or needy, and in the event she is NOT attracted to you, she could feel uncomfortable with this or
consider you a platonic friend. Remember, you should NOT do all the work in the courtship. Her putting forth the effort to invest in the courtship sets her apart from all the other women who are NOT attracted to you, but might use your openness as a way of manipulating you. So you must test her interest in you by having her approach or call you from time to time. I'll usually start conversations with casual topics like favorite things. If she shows me strong interest, then I will transition into topics like Hopes and Dreams or Dating and Relationships. I prefer closing a woman directly, therefore I usually look for a woman to give me one or more of the Big 3, combined with other strong interest indicators. If a woman is giving me strong interest, I will usually structure an indirect close if I'm not quite sure how interested she is (whether romantically or platonically). If my indirect close doesn't hook, but the NEXT interaction she is still giving me strong interest, then I will close her directly. Sometimes if my indirect close doesn't hook, I might chat for a minute longer and then switch to a direct close within the same interaction. But I will do this only if I feel she may be open to the idea without getting uncomfortable. If she declines my close, I will no longer approach her for conversation. Although I will still treat her with professional courtesy and warmly greet her in passing, I will not have any conversations with her unless she initiates it. Once I'm with a woman off company grounds and off the clock, my behavior will be more provocative towards her. More flirting and teasing, and more physical contact. I will also let her know clearly that I'm interested in her romantically or sexually.
CHAPTER 9: PITFALLS While there are many opportunities for attracting women at work, there are several pitfalls you should be aware of. Falling into any of these pitfalls can cause you to lose your target's interest or have a harassment complaint filed against you. Avoid the following pitfalls: PITFALL 1: HITTING ON WOMEN AS IF YOU WERE AT THE BAR OR CLUB PITFALL 2: TARGETING WOMEN WHO ARE NOT INTERESTED IN YOU PITFALL 3: TARGETING WOMEN WHO GIVE YOU ONLY CASUAL INTEREST PITFALL 4: TARGETING WOMEN WHO ARE YOUR DIRECT SUPERIORS OR SUBORDINATES PITFALL 5: TARGETING WOMEN WHO ARE IN COMMITTED RELATIONSHIPS PITFALL 6: TANGIBLE FORMS OF AFFECTION PITFALL 7: THE FRIEND'S ZONE PITFALL 8: HARASSMENT COMPLAINTS Other pitfalls: PITFALL ?: GOING DIRECT BEFORE RECEIVING STRONG INTEREST: It doesn't matter how open and receptive she was before going direct. That is merely casual interest. PITFALL ?: RETALIATING FOR HER DISINTEREST IN YOU PITFALL ?: LACK OF DISCRETION > hugging in front of others > having "deep" conversation when others are nearby > bragging to other co-workers about your "conquest" > some people can be jealous or "offended" > Keep the relationship discreet until you're both comfortable with others knowing that you two are officially a couple. PITFALL ?: NOT CLOSING WHEN INTEREST IS STRONG > toying with women > continually to be indirect when interest is strong PITFALL ?: NOT BEING HONEST ABOUT YOUR INTENTIONS > claiming you want a committed relationship, when you just want sex
PITFALL 1: HITTING ON WOMEN AS IF YOU WERE AT THE BAR OR CLUB There are some men who are still new to dating and seduction, and with little regard for the knowledge within this Guide, they might feel tempted to use immature pickup tactics at work as if they were trying to pickup women at the bar or club. A woman can have a bouncer kick you out of the club if you make her uncomfortable, but in the workplace she can appeal to someone much more powerful than any bouncer- the HR administrator. Because in the club, the only consequence is getting being thrown out, but in the workplace, your job and reputation are on the line, and you can end up losing both.
So do NOT go around the workplace looking at every woman with that "sexy look" in your eyes, or using suggestive pickup lines. Do NOT walk around as if you're "on the prowl." Do NOT call women names like "Baby", "Honey", "Sugar" or "Sweetheart". Do NOT make comments that allude to her being naked, and AVOID getting into their personal space. Keep your distance. Do NOT make any physical contact with her beyond a friendly handshake. In other words, do NOT massage her shoulders, give her a hug, give her backrubs, stroke her hair, or touch her ass. And don't show her your cock. Greet and talk to women as if you were talking to your customers. Present an upbeat, casual personality. Look into her eyes when you talk to her, not her breasts or ass. And avoid being perceived as the company "pimp" or "player". While the title sounds appealing assuming that women think this of you, it is actually quite a turn-off to many women, and will cause them to put their guard up when you're around. You can also create a hostile work environment for people nearby. Another problem is going direct way too soon. We men sometimes come on to women too strong, too fast, especially in the bar or club where we may not see our target again. But at the workplace you must be delicate with the women you encounter, or you can reduce their comfort levels. Remember, workplace dating is generally a slow burn process. So it's wiser to take your time, slowly build the fire between you two, and close her successfully in two weeks, rather than rush and attempt to close her in two days. Understand that unlike the bar or club, she has to return to the same place you work the next day. And if you're throwing out all these sexual come-ons too soon, and she's NOT attracted or interested, then she will see you as too forward or a player, and you will create a hostile work environment for her. Remember that she can't leave her work to avoid you, and she doesn't want to be rude. So she will avoid interactions with you or file a harassment complaint. The point is: You want to be a friendly, approachable person to women at work and NOT make them feel like they're going to be hit on when they encounter you. You have PLENTY OF TIME AND OPPORTUNITY, so be a "gentle" man and slowly build the fire between you two.
PITFALL 2: TARGETING WOMEN WHO ARE NOT INTERESTED IN YOU It seems like common sense that you would attempt to attract (or put your efforts into) only those women who are giving you indicators of interest on a consistent basis. But it is important to mention this because when it comes to women, you may have an attitude of "I can have any woman I want" or "There's this one girl...", which leads you to assume that you can win her just by showing her some attention. However, in the workplace, it's much easier and less stressful to target only those women who are interested in you, rather than target a specific woman you're interested in. But you may be so "determined" and so "ambitious" about getting that one girl, that it's relatively easy to turn a blind eye to her disinterest, and this can lead to your downfall.
Understand right now that many women in the workplace WILL NOT tell you that they are not interested or attracted to you, even while you're making them uncomfortable. This is why with each encounter with your target (especially if YOU approach HER), you absolutely MUST pay attention to her interest indicators, because her facial expressions, comments, tone of voice and level of investment in the interaction will tell you how interested she is. Even within seconds of your approach, if she isn't smiling or appears anxious, it's a red flag. You can talk for a moment to see if she opens up, but if she doesn't, then leave. If she were really interested in you, she would give you far more interest indicators without all the drama. But if you continue to approach her and "plow through" without regard for her disinterest, you will create a hostile work environment for her, and she will most likely file a harassment complaint against you. So don't risk your job and reputation over a woman you feel you are working harder for to win. There are many women in your company who are genuinely interested in you and are waiting for an encounter from you to prove it. "Focus on your fans, and fluff the flakes." Also, when a female co-worker tells you anything along the lines of "No" or "I'm not interested" or "Stop", as hard as it might be to believe for some men, these types of comments truly mean that she is NOT interested in you. There IS a difference between resistance and rejection, and words like "No" or "I'm not interested" or "Stop" is rejection and translates to, "I view you only as a friend or co-worker, nothing more." It baffles me that with all the harassment complaints being filed in recent decades, there are still men who are very physically and sexually forward with women while in the workplace, and even after these women have clearly expressed that they are not interested, these men continue their unwelcomed behavior. But you will NOT do this. Do NOT make the mistake of thinking, "She saying No, but she really means Yes". When she has clearly indicated that she is NOT interested in you, STOP interacting with her, keep the relationship strictly professional, and move on to another woman. Do NOT assume that she's shy or she's playing hard to get. When I say to "move on" from those women who are not interested or attracted, it also means to continue treating them with respect. Until a woman shows you strong interest, you must talk and communicate body language the same way you would with your sister, or even your mother. She leads you follow. And although this Guide is designed primarily to assist you with attracting women at work for romantic or sexual relationships, there are some women who you are going to want to be merely casual acquaintances with, such as older women who project a motherly nature towards you, or women in high positions of influence, or women in your social circle. And some women at work may view you more as a leader, professional acquaintance, or confidant, and not necessarily a romantic interest. Again, you want to be an approachable person to women at work and not make them feel like they're going to be hit on when they encounter you. Because they all know you are a ladies man, you can actually be genuine friends and not even enter their friend's zone. So do NOT actively
pursue them for romance unless they've shown strong signs that they're into you. But even then, you may choose to keep the relationship professional or platonic. She may have expressed interest in you but perhaps you didn't read her interest clearly in order to escalate the relationship. It is important that you close her when interest is strong.
PITFALL 3: TARGETING WOMEN WHO GIVE YOU ONLY CASUAL INTEREST One of the cool things about approaching women at work versus at the bar or club, is that most women at work will be open and receptive to your approach. But understand that this is partially because she's somewhat obligated to be friendly and approachable to her customers and other co-workers in order to foster a friendly work environment. Of course, women tend to find you much more interesting if you're an alpha male and convey high-value within the company. Yes, by being an alpha male and exhibiting Cool, Calm and Connected behavior at your workplace, you will generate interest with more women than you might expect. But unfortunately, because YOU value your reputation for being a ladies' man, you may feel inclined to go through the whole process of attracting, building comfort and seducing every woman at work who gives you casual interest, so as to not disappoint their glowing perceptions of you as a ladies' man. But there are two problems with this behavior: Problem 1: Mistaking her casual interest for being attracted to you. Understand that not every woman who appears open and receptive to you in conversation is genuinely attracted to you. Most women are approachable for conversation merely as a courtesy to you from one co-worker to another. That's why it's important that you find a woman who distinguishes herself from the other "open" women by investing in your interactions with more than just a smile or a laugh. If you haven't had much success with attracting women in general, it can be relatively easy to overlook a woman's lack of investment in the courtship because you're so pleased that she's merely open and receptive to you in conversation. And as a result, you can end up doing nothing more than entertaining her, which causes you enter her friend's zone and not even realize it until it's too late. Remember, your goal is to date, not entertain. Remember, you must not approach or contact her too many times for conversation. You want to test her interest in you by allowing her to approach or initiate conversation with you. Problem 2: Targeting too many women at work is time consuming and stressful. You find yourself having to divide all your time and efforts among all of them, which takes time away from your job and time from yourself. With any given target, you might forget what was the nature of your previous interactions, or worse, confuse her name or her interests with those of another woman. Your mind is cluttered with so many other women, that it
can be difficult to be present and considerate of the one you're currently interacting with, which can lead to her disinterest. And even if you were getting strong IOIs from all of them, what happens when they're ready to be closed? Are you going to wine and dine all of them? Or when it comes to sex, how are you going to structure a rotation that keeps them all pleased while you have enough time and energy for yourself from day to day? The point is that by trying to game too many women at work, you could set yourself up for not being able to fully deliver when your targets are ready to escalate, thereby wasting their time (and yours). But focusing on only 1 or 2 women allows you the time and opportunity to really enjoy your interactions while giving her the attention she needs. The other issue is having two or more romantic interests in the workplace can cause jealousy issues if the women know of each other. You are advised to date only 1 woman in the workplace at a time, and end the courtship on amicable terms before moving on to another woman. So the question becomes, "How do I respond to interested women who are not my primary target?" The answer is to keep them on standby. First, don't interact with standbys as frequently as you would your primary target, even if that means not interacting with them for weeks at a time. Keep in touch just enough for them to sense that they're in your thoughts, but not enough for them to feel as if they are being pursued. And second, should they approach you instead, keep the conversation casual. Should a standby attempt to close you by offering to hang out, grab some lunch, or go out for a drink, you can say, "That sounds nice. I'd like that." But then immediately transition to another topic without setting up any particular date or time, then leave and get back to work. If she suggests a specific date and time or pushes you for a date and time, then say, "Going with you sounds nice. I can't say when though because I've been pretty busy lately. But it's definitely something we should do." Then immediately transition to another topic or leave. As long as you don't say No, and as long as you don't set a specific date, the opportunity for closing her successfully is still there and she WILL wait for you. Truly, if you have generated deep levels of attraction and comfort at the workplace, you can have her waiting for several weeks and still desiring to hook up with you. You're not "leading her on" because you're neither actively pursuing her, nor are you using her for favors. But of course, you don't want her waiting too long. So you should also calibrate a standby's interest in you compared to your primary target. If a standby is giving you stronger IOIs than your primary target, then you may want to put your time and efforts into closing your standby. Close her while she is receptive and wants to escalate.
Again, you are advised to chase no more than 2 foxes. Just as beautiful women at the bars and clubs get hit on all the time, so you too will be targeted by many women at work. Don't attempt to please them all at one time just because you notice they're interested in you. Since you are desirable, they will wait for you. Focus on your primary target and keep the others on standby. Remember, your goal is to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship with a female coworker. So don't waste your time and efforts on women you perceive are using you for "entertainment" or "therapeutic" value, with little investment on their part.
PITFALL 4: TARGETING WOMEN WHO ARE YOUR DIRECT SUPERIORS OR SUBORDINATES If a subordinate is NOT attracted to you, then it can be difficult to pick up on this because some women will actually hide their disinterest and appear open and friendly towards you for two reasons: 1) you're their boss and they want to show you courtesy, and 2) they don't want to be mistreated by you if they express their disinterest in you. These female subordinates need you primarily as their leader and confidante, and NOT a love interest. So do NOT attempt to attract them. And even if she's attracted to you, it's possible that she wants to manipulate you for special incentives like a promotion. she can use your relationship as method of manipulating you into doing things for her that raises her status, pay or generally makes her job easier. When you are the supervisor of a woman who is showing you strong interest, It's really quite difficult to tell whether she's attracted to you personally, or what you can do for her in terms of career advancement. Then there is the risk of her wanting to file a harassment complaint against you if things do not go her way. Understand that Vindictive Manipulators will prey on unsuspecting supervisors who assume these women are genuinely attracted to them. "If a relationship fails, they may try to cause you to lose your job out of revenge. Sexual harassment claims are often dealt with by firing the man in a CYA move by the company." > If you are a supervisor, you must NOT use your position as a way of manipulating women to interact with you. You mustn't give her more work if she isn't responding to your advances. This is irresponsible and against your company policy. > The other issue is that if you two decide to keep the relationship a secret so that your job isn't jeopardized, she may have a co-worker friend who she "confides" in, and that friend may use that information against you. Think the Monica Lewinsky scandal. If she is your direct superior, then she can give you a hard time at work, especially if the relationship doesn’t go the way she wants it to. Some companies require that it be made known to management if there is a romantic relationship between superiors and subordinates.
PITFALL 5: TARGETING WOMEN WHO ARE IN COMMITTED RELATIONSHIPS Problem 1. Understand that women in committed relationships will usually be interested in you as someone they can put in their Friend's Zone. They She appears open to you in conversation, but she uses you either for "entertainment" value, or as her therapist talk about her problems, her lovers, or to receive attention and flattery from you. I'm not saying avoid these women at all costs. Just don't expect to get romance from them just because you made yourself available to them for conversation. If she's not wearing a wedding ring, find out if she's in a committed relationship. Note that some married women in the workplace do NOT wear wedding rings. (see find out if she's committed relationship)
= Understand that when a women tells you "I have a boyfriend", she's attempting to communicate 1 of 3 messages: 1) She doesn't really have a boyfriend, but she wants to appear more valuable to you by claiming that she's already taken. She doesn't want to seem low-value and can't get a man. She is also testing you to see how attracted you are to her (i.e. "How badly do you want me?"). If she's attracted to you, she will soon recant her story to make herself more available to you. 2) She legitimately has a boyfriend, AND she's attracted to you, but she doesn't want to feel guilty about cheating on him, so by telling you she has a boyfriend upfront, should your relationship turn sexual, then in her mind it's YOUR fault that it turned sexual, not hers. She's giving herself plausible deniability for her actions. 3) It doesn't matter whether she has a boyfriend or not; she is NOT interested in you romantically or sexually. Some dating coaches say that because of reasons 1 and 2, you can persist in escalating the courtship. But I'm here to tell you that because of the possibility of reason 3, you should NOT persist in escalating the courtship while in the workplace. In other words, when you're on company grounds, and a woman tells you "I have a boyfriend," do NOT say anything that challenges the truthfulness of her claim, and do NOT say anything to suggest that you still want to escalate the courtship in light of her relationship status. This is because in the event she is NOT interested in you romantically or sexually, then she can interpret your "persistence" as unwanted behavior, which will cause her to become uncomfortable with you, and she may file a harassment complaint. She told you "I have a boyfriend", and you ignored her, so her case will be strong against you.
The best way to deal with the "boyfriend" issue in the workplace is to acknowledge it, and then mention that you still like talking with her. Her: "I have a boyfriend." You: "That's cool. It's nice to chat with you from time to time." Her: "I have a boyfriend." You: "I understand. At least you're honest and fun to talk to." Remain unaffected. If, after she mentions she has a boyfriend, she continues showing you strong interest in future interactions (flirting, teasing, etc), then it's a sign that she's open to escalating. At this point she may confess that she really doesn't have a boyfriend. At this point you may continue the courtship, but structure only indirect closing opportunities to play it safe. If she doesn't accept your closes after a few more interactions, realize that she may want you in her Friend's Zone. == Problem 2: Targeting married women. Because married women do not typically go to bars and clubs, the only other place she will most likely be exposed to men over a long period of time is at work. So yes, it's possible and likely that you will attract married women at work, even if you're not intentionally targeting them. Just because she has a ring on her finger, that doesn't stop her from becoming attracted because she's still the same natural woman both before and after the wedding. Your masculine behavior and pleasant personality can cause her to feel drawn to you. In such cases, you may notice how much more open and responsive she is to you, which is a start for having an affair. Now I freely admit that married women are entitled to have the love and affection they need if they're not getting it at home. But since this Guide is designed to assist you with attracting women at work with less risk and less stress, I will advise that targeting married women at work is NOT a path you should take. Indeed, there are so many considerations and complications involved with having an affair that whole books are written on the subject. And there are several problems involved that lead to increased risk and stress for both of you. I will site only a handful of such problems: Problem 1: Having just an emotional, non-sexual affair can be quite intoxicating, and time consuming. In general, you will be expected to put in more time and effort to win her, and she will invest little in return because she's "forbidden" to do so. But because your affair is considered "forbidden", and because you can't be alone together as often as you'd like, such obstacles have the effect of intensifying your attraction towards her. Even within a few weeks of targeting her, you can become "consumed", where almost every free moment of your time is spent thinking about her, desiring to talk, bond, text or email her, and showering her with affection. Before even approaching her, you may have only wanted the sex. But because of the amount of time and energy you've put into
attracting and building comfort with her, it is possible for you to become "obsessed" with her, as if you're "falling in love", that you two were "meant to be", even to the point where you might feel compelled to have her leave her husband for you. She may love all the attention you're giving her, but you may be emotionally spiraling out of control. And in the event she wants to call off the affair, you can feel like an emotional wreck, and possibly enraged, and you risk taking those negative emotions with you into the workplace. This may not be what you initially intended, but the path of an intense affair can lead in this direction. Problem 2: Once the affair turns sexual, then there's the problem of how often you meet for sex. You may want her every other night, but a married woman is usually not as available for sex as a single woman is. Her husband may be home at night wondering where she is. Or she may have kids to take care of after work. And if you're together during the day, she'll be frequently looking over her shoulder to see if anyone recognizes her. The point is: Meeting you is risky for her, so don't assume you can get sex from a married woman as soon or as often as you would from a single woman. She simply won't put herself or her marriage in jeopardy based solely on your schedule. Problem 3: Over the course of the affair she could feel guilty, even if you haven't had sex yet. And if the guilt becomes too much to handle (especially if you keep pressuring her for sex or "harassing" her at work), she may confess to her husband in order to purge herself of the burden. And usually in such cases, she will confess all, revealing past text messages, emails, giving him access to her online accounts and passwords, etc. And depending of how angry the husband gets, he may attempt to confront you or report your behavior to HR. Understand that a married woman has a lot at stake in her marriage (time invested, financial considerations, social reputation, perhaps even children), so most married women will choose to preserve their marriages rather than ruining them in order be involved with you. Problem 4: There exists the potential for the affair to be exposed, either by her husband, a close friend or relative of hers, another co-worker, or even by her. Such exposure can stem from being seen together in a place outside of work, heavy touching or flirting that's witnessed by others, or email/phone/text messages left exposed. And if word gets out in the workplace that you're involved with a married co-worker, it can tarnish your reputation. You could be perceived as a "home wrecker", and you could generate a series of AMOGs in the form of male co-workers who are in committed relationships. So be careful how you interact with women in committed relationships. You are advised to keep them strictly professional or platonic, and target only single women. But if you get into an affair with a female co-worker who is in a committed relationship, and she wants out, then for the sake of both your jobs, reputations and sanity, do it. (see Chapter Ending the Courtship)
PITFALL 6: TANGIBLE FORMS OF AFFECTION
Tangible forms of affection are any physical objects or static communications that are non-work related. These include gifts of candy, chocolates, flowers, cards, letters, tokens, emails, chat messages and voice messages. While you may consider tangibles a romantic gesture and a way to stand out from the ordinary guys, realize that many women at work are NOT comfortable with this, especially those who have given you only casual interest. Tangibles are generally given by those already in committed relationships, and she may question your gesture in that light. You may see it as some friendly, courteous way of expressing appreciation for her, but she may wonder if you're trying to take a professional or platonic relationship to another level when she's not interested or ready. Even if she's giving you strong interest, it's not necessary to give her tangibles to win her over, because she's already attracted to you. Understand that many women WILL NOT tell you that your gestures are unwelcomed or that you're making them uncomfortable, so do NOT give her any tangibles at work. The other issue with tangibles is they are physical evidence that she can save and use against you in a harassment complaint. Indeed, when certain women who are not interested in you have evidence that they can use against you, they will rub it in your face as if they have some "upper hand" over you, and treat you as if you're hostile. It's not enough for her to merely say she's not interested. She also has to tell you that if you don't stop "harassing" her, then she will take action against you, and will come forward with your tangibles as evidence. This is a Vindictive Manipulator in the making. So do NOT email her some dirty joke you saw on the internet. Do NOT leave her a message on her company phone telling her how "special" she is to you. Do NOT put a gift on her desk while she's away. And even if it's her birthday or Valentine's Day, do NOT give her any cards, candies or flowers at work. And regardless whether there's a connection between you two or even if she's giving you the "warm and fuzzies", when you feel compelled to give her a letter or card expressing how you feel inside...DON'T. Remember, anything you say on company email, leave as a message on the company phone, or give as a "friendly gesture" on company property can be unwelcomed, misinterpreted and used against you. You can close a woman successfully using just the words of your voice alone. So anytime you are on company grounds, you are wise to keep non-work related interactions strictly verbal. NO TANGIBLES.
PITFALL 7: THE FRIEND'S ZONE Entering a woman's Friend's Zone occurs under the following circumstances:
> You express too much interest in her, make yourself too available to her, and do too many nice things for her, when she has given you very little interest in return. You behave as if you're at her beck and call. > Your conversations are too long and too frequent, like 10-minute conversations everyday. > Your engage in casual chatting that doesn't stimulate her imagination and emotions. There is no sexual tension in your interactions. Beware that when you exhibit such excessively friendly and casual behavior, some women at the workplace will test to see if you're friend's zone material. For example, some women (particularly those in committed relationships) will attempt to use you to "entertain" them when they're bored, and will listen as you talk on about your life, recent events, your ideas, etc. Others will use you as their therapist to vent about their problems, their lovers, or to receive attention and flattery from you. Put a stop to all this so they don't waste your time: You: "I think you're a cool person, but I don't want to be your therapist (or entertainer), so maybe we can talk about something else." (keep a casual, upbeat tone) And just like some women at the bar will ask men to buy them drinks, some women at the workplace will ask you for favors that are non-work related, but will have NO intentions of dating you. In response to her requests, be challenging: Her: "Since you work in the I.T. department, can you help me with my home computer?" You: "Who do you think I am, Geek Squad? No, I don't do any work outside of my job." Her: "Can you hold my coffee while I get my keys from my purse?" You: "Look Oprah, if I'm going to be part of your entourage, you're going to have to pay me." Her: "I need a strong man like yourself to help me move some furniture into my house. Can you help?" You: "Call 1-800-GO-UHAUL." Also realize that if your target asks you for a non-work related favor, you can actually structure a direct closing opportunity in response, because you're responding to her nonwork related request with one of your own: Her: "Since you work in the Accounting Department, can you help me with my personal finances?" You: "Maybe...Would you like to grab some lunch together sometime?" In order to prevent a woman from manipulating you, understand that the most effective thing you can do in response to her non-work related request is to utterly REJECT IT, stand your ground and DON'T do the thing she asks. You can NOT be kidding around in
these situations. In other words, don't pretend to be a challenge and then follow-up by doing what she asks. And no beat around the bush excuses like, "I'm sorry, I'm pretty busy right now." Such soft behaviors only communicates to her that it's possible to still have her way with you, and she will continue asking for favors until you give in. Stand your ground. It's not necessary to behave like an asshole in the traditional sense, but you must communicate your rejection in a way that let's her know that you will not be her little servant. Simply saying "Nope, sorry." is good enough. After rejecting her request for the first time, expect that every once in a while she will test you for entertainment, therapy or favors, but be ready to reject them. Over time, she will learn that she can't manipulate you, and you can never enter into her Friend's Zone. But at the same time, you should respond to her request based on previous encounters with her. If she's been genuinely investing in your interactions or has done favors for you, then you can safely do favors for her, but only in moderation. Just don't allow her to use your openness as a way of taking advantage of you. Notice that certain favors she asks can actually work out in YOUR favor. For example, if what she asks requires that both of you be together OFF company grounds, and OFF the clock (such as helping her move furniture), then you can use that opportunity to communicate your romantic and sexual interests without the risk of a harassment complaint. But again, you should honor her request only if she has been giving you strong interest or has done favors for you. In some cases, such a request is actually her way of closing you, but at this point she's very conscious about keeping her personal life private and is concerned about company gossip if you two are spotted together at a restaurant. The amount of interest and investment she has put in previous interactions are good indicators for determining if her request is the start of putting you into her Friend's Zone, or putting you into her bed.
If you feel you're heading into your target's friend's zone, then there are a few ways you can handle it: 1. Find out if she's already in a relationship. If she's not wearing a wedding ring, find out if she's in a committed relationship. It's not necessary to do this if she's clearly giving you strong indicators of interest, but it's useful if you're not quite sure how interested she is in you (whether romantically, professionally, or platonically). But you want to do this to filter out the women who are already in a relationship, but will use your friendliness as a way of using you for favors, "entertaining" conversation, or "therapy" to vent about their problems or to receive flattery and attention: You: "I'm curious...Do you have a boyfriend? Her: "Yes", "No" or "Why"
You: "You have an interesting personality, and I was wondering if your boyfriend helps bring out that quality in you." or "You have a nice outfit, and I was wondering if your boyfriend noticed how much fashion sense you have." (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED) You: "Your shoes are cute. Did your boyfriend get them for you?" You: "Does your boyfriend other help you at home with the chores, or do you do everything?"
Notice that I prefer to use the term "boyfriend", as opposed to "significant other". This is in case your target turns out to be lesbian and she tells you "I have a girlfriend." or "I only date women." or "I don't date men." And if that's the case, then maybe you two can team up and influence women on each other's behalf. She can be your "wing girl".
2. Give her a "30-day window of opportunity" to escalate the relationship. This means that from the moment you begin targeting her specifically, she has 30 days to close you, or to accept your close. 30 days usually gives your target enough time to get past her period, get over her ex-boyfriend, get comfortable with you, and to take care of her personal circumstances at home, so that she has no excuse for not escalating the courtship with you. If she still wants to interact with you at work after her 30-day window has expired, then you have 2 options: Option 1: Keep an upbeat tone and simply tell her that you're busy working and can't talk right now, or you can be a bit more blunt and say that you're not interested in talking. As you continue to tell her this with each of her approaches over time, she'll get the hint that you're no longer interested in her, and she'll leave you alone. Option 2: Structure a DIRECT close. The ball is now in her court. It's now or never. She MUST accept this opportunity in order for you to continue the courtship. If she says No or beats around the bush, then it means she wants you to be HER FRIEND. At that point either be her friend to expand your social circle, or refer to option 1. Either way, put your time and effort into another target. The 30-day window isn't being inconsiderate of her; you are providing her ample opportunity to escalate. Remember: Be flexible, but never too accommodating. If she were really interested in a romantic or sexual relationship with you, it wouldn't take her 30 days to want to escalate. And there are plenty of other women who can be closed much, much sooner. So the 30-day window is a frame of reference for you to manage your time wisely and not be strung along by women who are not genuinely attracted to you. Understand that the best way to stay out of a woman's friend's zone is to be Elusive and Enchanting. Don't make yourself too available for conversation. And when you do interact with her, you should not blend in with the blandness of company politics. Your
presence and interaction must be a breath of fresh air to her otherwise mundane workday. This quickly elevates you above the average guys to becoming a potential suitor.
When it comes to women and their favors, it seems that I'm advocating a "Never do something for nothing" mentality. This is not so. It is admirable to do nice things for others without expecting anything in return. But it's different with a woman you're attracted to, because you DO want something in return; you want to date her. So it is very easy to think that your availability to her will cause her to feel attracted to you. Nothing is impossible, but such a thing occurring is very rare. So many men will jump at the opportunity for doing favors for a woman they're attracted to. Remember, it's not the favors or availability that makes a woman attracted to you. It is the emotional connection and sexual tension. Therefore, avoid doing favors for women you're interested in dating. Focus on creating sexual tension, and being elusive. This is prevent anyone from being wholly dependent on you for anything. Doing a favor every so often is fine, but if it becomes far too frequent, consider distancing yourself, not from the person, but from doing the favor. She could use some help with the heavy furniture, but talking your head off about her problems is not essential. ESCAPING THE FRIEND ZONE The basic premise for removing yourself from a woman's friend zone is to remove her emotional dependence on you. Remember, you are to date, not be someone's therapist and have lengthy conversations that won't lead anywhere. One of the most effective things you can do to escape a woman's friend zone is to date other women. This serves two purposes: 1. It takes your mind and energy off her, and puts it on women who are giving you what you want. 2. It makes her jealous, because now her time with you is being infringed upon by other women. During your conversation, interject with a comment related to the women you're seeing. You: "...yeah, the woman I'm seeing now was telling me about something similar." You: "Let's talk sometime later. I have to get ready for a date."
She may attempt to make you feel guilty by saying things like "I don't have any other male friends." "You understand me better than anyone else."
"No one in my family talks to me anymore." "I'm all alone, with no one else to talk to." "I thought we were friends." She may even say these things through tears. She's lived and survived in this world for at least two or three decades without you. She does not need you for her emotional well-being. This may take a few months, but over time, you will receive fewer phone calls. Reach out to them when they least expect it, but distance yourself when they reach out to for with their emotional problems.
PITFALL 8: HARASSMENT COMPLAINTS Having a harassment complaint filed against you will almost always be a result of falling into one of the pitfalls above. And falling into a pitfall is almost always a result of not recognizing disinterest. In the bars and clubs, guys typically get away with saying or doing blatantly inappropriate things toward their targets, such as groping them, cussing at them, etc. But at the workplace, you would be surprised at some of the seemingly harmless, innocent things you can say or do that will result in her "feeling uncomfortable" with you, and subsequently filing a harassment complaint against you. The interaction might start out professional or platonic. A friendly "Good morning" everyday for a few months. A short and sweet "Have a good day" at closing time. She may not show any noticeable interest, but she isn't showing any noticeable disinterest either. On the surface, it appears you two have a friendly, courteous vibe when you see each other. But once you communicate any form of interest or interaction beyond professional etiquette, she may feel uncomfortable. In fact, your behavior and interactions need not be sexual in order for her to feel uncomfortable and subsequently file a harassment complaint against you. You may call yourself simply being friendly, and not at all indicating that you want something more from her. It could be a brief compliment about how nice her hair looks. Or a tease about something she says or does. Or giving her a "Thank You" card. Or simply approaching her to have a conversation when she doesn't want to be bothered. Or you may even ask politely her out on a date. Whatever the interaction, she may feel uncomfortable with certain elements and not know how to react. As sad as this is going to sound, for certain women, being approached by a man who she is NOT comfortable with is sort of like being in a hostage situation. She pretends to be friendly and courteous because she doesn't want him to retaliate against her and jeopardize her well-being. So she will smile in his face while still being COMPLETELY UNCOMFORTABLE with him. But deep down inside she wants him to leave her alone.
Therefore, is vitally important to understand that many women in the workplace can not bring themselves to tell you that your behavior is making them uncomfortable, and that they want you to stop. Let me reiterate that for emphasis: Many women in the workplace WILL NOT tell you that your behavior is making them uncomfortable, and that they want you to stop. She can't leave her job to avoid you, and she doesn't want to be rude. But your so-called "friendly", "playful", "non-aggressive", "non-sexualized", "nonneedy", "cocky-funny" gestures towards her may go on for weeks or months, and even though the entire time she is uncomfortable with each gesture, she WILL NOT say a word about it to you. This is why it's important for you to recognize the indicators of DISinterest, and move on. She simply may not be interested in you and WILL NOT tell you up front, so you must look for it in her facial expressions and how much she's investing in the interaction. But if you keep ignoring her disinterest, and plowing through to get a desired response, she will take action to stop your behavior. If a woman at work decides to take action to stop your unwanted behavior, 1 of 3 scenarios will play out: Scenario 1: She will confront you personally. This is the best case scenario as it's a situation that can be diffused just between the two of you. But it is also very rare that a woman will confront you. Remember that most women will not tell you that what you are doing is making them uncomfortable. They don't like uncomfortable situations, but they especially don't like confronting a man who is making them uncomfortable. In most cases, the only women who will confront you personally are those in management positions as they are generally older, more experienced women who have confidence to handle the situation personally. But most of your female peers and entry-level employees will choose Scenarios 2 or 3. Scenario 2: She will notify her supervisor. Her supervisor MAY in turn notify your supervisor. If you have a friendly, good-natured spirit at the company, and if your actions appear to be mild in the eyes of your target and her supervisor, you may simply get a warning from your supervisor to not let it happen again. Even though this is a decent scenario, it too is also rare. Generally speaking, the Human Resources department recommends that if a woman is uncomfortable with an individual's behavior, she should first attempt to resolve the issue at the lower level by confronting that individual personally, or getting her immediate supervisors to resolve it. If the harassing continues after initial attempts to stop the behavior were made, then the next step is to turn it over to the HR department for administrative action. Although this is the suggested protocol, understand that many women WILL NOT confront you about your unwelcomed behavior. And her supervisor will take action that represents HER best interests, not yours. So no matter how mild you think the your actions were, once the supervisor gets word that their subordinate is being harassed, they will generally feel obligated to report it up the chain, and your target will be advised proceed to Scenario 3.
Scenario 3: She will file a formal harassment complaint against you with the HR department. This is the worst-case scenario. Generally speaking, whoever plays the harassment card first is awarded the prestigious status of "victim." Unfortunately, many women at work do not have the discretion or mercy to say "I don't want to make a big deal and get him into too much trouble. I just want the interactions to stop. His supervisor can tell him that. And if it happens again, then I'll file a complaint." No, they simply hand it over to the HR department and let them handle it. And all those tangible emails, phone messages, cards and letters you sent her in the past will magically resurface and be used against you. And what's worse, her perception of your actions is the only thing that matters, regardless of how harmless you think you came across. Even if this was your very first act of interest towards her, one time is enough. If all you did was give her a "Thank you" card, and this made her "feel extremely uncomfortable", her perception is what counts and what you did is judged as "wrong" or "bad". Hopefully, the HR administrators who review the complaint will exercise their own measure of discretion to decide your fate. If you grabbed her breasts at work and there were witnesses, you can start cleaning out your desk and asking your supervisor for a letter of recommendation. However, if it's just a "Thank you" card that's not too aggressive or sexualized, you'll usually be reprimanded and told to not let it happen again. A second incident, and you'll likely be asked to leave the company. Either way, the complaint will go on your employee record, and you'll be on the radar with your supervisors. At this point, I’m advising you to not make any advances with another woman at your workplace for as long as you’re employed there.
Reasons she will file a complaint: > You didn't read her indicators of DISinterest. Or you ignored them. > Your behavior or requests were too bold or too forward. > You kiss and told. You had sex with her and bragged to male-coworkers about your "conquest", and now they treat her disrespectfully at work.
DISCLAIMER THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION DOES NOT REPRESENT ANY LEGAL ADVICE. IT IS ONLY BASIC GUIDELINES FOR HOW TO DEAL WITH A HARASSMENT COMPLAINT AGAINST YOU. THE POLICIES REGARDING HARASSMENT FOR YOUR SPECIFIC ORGANIZATION, AS WELL AS LEGAL COUNSEL, BOTH TAKE PRECEDENCE TO THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION. YOU ARE ADVISED TO CONTACT YOUR HR ADMINISTRATOR OR SEEK LEGAL COUNSEL BEFORE APPLYING ANY OF THE GUIDELINES BELOW. If you’re faced with a harassment complaint, contact an attorney, EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU'RE AT FAULT. Choose an attorney that specializes in harassment allegations and
wrongful termination. Your attorney should still be able to offer assistance that benefits you. If you feel you have been wrongfully terminated, you can seek consultation from an attorney who specializes in wrongful termination and harassment complaints. You can also look up information about rights of the accused is it relates to harassment: Resources: http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/rights-of-those-accused-of-sexualharassment.html http://www.fklaborlaw.com/faqs/Sexual-harassment-accused-rights.html http://www.myemploymentlawyer.com/sexual-harassment-accused.htm http://www.costellomains.com/Sexual-Harassment-Investigation--2-25089.html http://ctemployeerightsblog.wordpress.com/2009/05/28/men-accused-of-sexualharassment-can-sue/
I agree with Alan Roger Currie, who said "A one-time comment, question, or advance is NOT harassment. To harass a woman means to repeatedly and persistently make advances towards a woman after she has ALREADY let you know that she's not interested." Whatever your situation, understand that you DO have rights that prevent co-workers or even the company from wrongfully terminating your employment. The plaintiff with have strong evidence against you. It only "appears" that men don't have any right in these matters, but that's because they're simply unaware of their rights and what their options are for legal recourse. I will attempt to shed some light on the matter so you have a clearer perspective on how to deal with a harassment complaint that has been filed against you. If you receive a harassment complaint against you, you should apologize to her as soon as possible. Keep a safe distance and keep a straight, unaffected face. Show no anger. Give a short apology, then leave. Don't make things worse by saying things like, "I was just trying to be nice. Why did you take it the wrong way?" or "Let me make it up to you with dinner." Keep your apology short and to the point, then eject and move on: You: "I'm sorry if what I said or did made you uncomfortable. It'll never happen again." You must apologize for 3 reasons: 1. You should have the final word before all communications cease. If she went so far as to file a complaint, then the least you can do is have the final word, if for nothing more than to give yourself some peace of mind that you didn't let her "get away" with the complaint and you did nothing about it. 2. If she is
ever questioned by HR about your actions, she may mention that you apologized, thereby minimizing the risk of losing your job. 3. It gives the interaction a sense of closure on a positive note. If you were genuinely a good guy before the complaint surfaced, she will still consider you a good guy after your apology and may even second-guess her complaint. You must apologize as soon as possible because you may be put on administrative leave and informed not to contact the victim until HR has had the opportunity to investigate. And although I've strongly advised against giving a woman tangibles in the workplace, doing so in a harassment complaint could be to your advantage. Using company email or phone messaging to leave an apology creates static proof that you apologized to her during the course of the investigation. If you apologize to her over email, CC your supervisor. Some would say that apologizing is affirming that you believe that what you did was wrong and that she was justified in filing a harassment complaint. Perhaps is the case in her mind. But I feel that apologizing goes a long way to demonstrating to women that there are men in the world who mean well, and regardless of whether they're vindictive or not, such men are sensitive to a woman's feelings, and won't stoop to low measures of calling women bitches for complaining over something that seems trivial. And continue to treat her with respect
When you find out that a woman filed a harassment complaint against you, particularly over something you felt was harmless, you will feel a variety of negative emotions. At first, you will typically feel shock, especially if what you said or did could be considered very mild. But soon, that shock can brew into frustration and anger because now it appears you are made out to be some bad guy or creep over something apparently harmless. You may ask yourself questions like, "What did I do to justify this treatment?", "How long has she felt this way?", "Why didn't she simply tell me that what I was doing was making her uncomfortable?" To make matters worse, not only did she bring several personnel from management into your interaction, but the complaint puts a negative spotlight on you in the eyes of your supervisors, which jeopardizes your job and increases your stress. Truly, the words used to describe the situation does not come close to actually living the experience. Even attempting to genuinely apologize to her in person can appear "confrontational." And the more you dwell on these elements, the angrier you will feel. But I want you to know that you are a greater man for keeping your cool, and not reacting irrationally or violently towards anyone. And over time, that anger will dissipate, and you will be glad you dealt with the issue in a peaceful manner. And I encourage you to move forward. Continue to be optimistic, and continue to choose success. Against all odds, choose that the people in your workplace are open, considerate, and understanding as it relates to your success in workplace dating. Continue with the visualization and affirmation exercises and choose that women say the things you want to hear, and treat you the way you want to be treated. Choose to see women as loving. You create greater opportunities for success and joy when you think this way.
Nevertheless, you should let her go and move on, because for every 1 woman that complains against you, at least a dozen other women at work will be open and receptive to you. Remember that you are a man who LOVES women. They truly are the most beautiful creatures on earth. Do NOT bring yourself down to the level of a Vindictive Manipulator, and become misogynistic. Understand clearly: The best way to avoid harassment complaints is to target only those women who are giving you strong indicators of interest on a consistent basis. Mark those who give you indicators of DISinterest, and keep them strictly professional or platonic. Reserve your gaming efforts only for those women who are genuinely attracted to you. I personally believe that all workplaces should implement a "NOT INTERESTED" policy, as it relates to harassment. This means that if the Plaintiff (the "victim"), is approached by the Defendant (the "harasser") with a request to go out on a date, grab some lunch, have a conversation or do any non-work related activity, if the Plaintiff is NOT interested, then they should clearly say the words, "I'm not interested." That will be the "code word" for the Defendant, and the Defendant must never again contact the Plaintiff for any non-work related endeavors. This also supports the "repeatedly" clause, because in a technical sense, certain unwanted behaviors must be "repeated" in order for it to be labeled as harassment. Certainly any "reasonable woman" knows that there is a huge, HUGE difference between a man politely asking, "Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?", and him asking, "Would you like to suck my dick?" My point is, certain unwanted requests or gestures that are generally considered courteous or socially acceptable (such as "Would you like to go to out to dinner sometime?"), should be met with a "NOT INTERESTED" remark as opposed to immediately filing a harassment complaint. At the very least, inform the Defendant's supervisor of the unwanted behavior and have them deal with it. When the Plaintiff files a harassment complaint with the HR department, and the Defendant's request or gesture is considered courteous or socially acceptable, utilizing the "reasonable woman" standard, then one of the first questions to the Plaintiff will be, "Did you state to the Defendant that you were not interested?" and "Did you notify your supervisor of the incident in order to resolve it at the department level?" This also means that the Defendant should never make another non-work related request to the Plaintiff for the duration of their employment with the organization. However, the Defendant will retain the liberty of making a non-work related request to any other employee other than the Plaintiff, without consequence. In other words, just because I ask Pam out on a date and she runs to HR to file a harassment complaint, doesn't mean I can't ask Julie in the next office if she'd be interested in dating me.
HR investigating the case should also find out the motives behind the complaint. While there are Vindictive Manipulators, many women simply want the unwanted behavior to stop, without causing the defendant's loss of a job. For example ask the Plaintiff, "How would you prefer we resolve this matter?" If she herself is a reasonable woman, and the behavior or request wasn't too forward, then she might respond, "I just want him to stop his unwanted behavior. Just tell him I'm not interested." But if she immediately snaps back "I want you to fire him or I'm suing the company," then you likely have a Vindictive Manipulator on your hands. I also believe that workplaces should educate employees, that not all people who exhibit unwanted behavior towards them are somehow equivalent to sadistic deviants who will stalk you and repeatedly harass you until you give in to their demands. They are normal people like themselves who have simply taken a liking to them and, by saying "I'm not interested," that same person can move on without any repercussions or consequences. If companies are truly Equal Opportunity Employers, then they should also have equal opportunity harassment investigations. Understand that none of this is to suggest that I somehow dislike women in general. Nothing could be further from the truth. I LOVE women. They are the most beautiful creatures on earth. I much love them; you're reading my work on how to date them. And I understand that some women have not only been repeated and crudely harassed by men in the workplace, but those companies did little to nothing to protect her. I believe those men who are at their jobs groping women, and repeated making sexual advances and requests to the same women should be dealt with promptly.
CHAPTER 10: ADVANCED WORKPLACE DATING Everything in this chapter deals with advanced workplace dating, which basically means bending and breaking the normal rules of workplace dating
Upon reading the Guide, the reader may endeavor to tailor his game to target a specific woman, while considering factors such as her position and status, the type of work environment and social climate for the courtship. The purpose of the Guide is to assist you with successfully closing women at work, while preserving your reputation and your job. After applying the principles, the reader may deviate from certain principles as a means of testing boundaries in the workplace. So since this is a "basic" Guide to workplace dating, consider it a safe road to take if things aren't working out as planned. because these are advanced tips, it stands to reason that some of the general guidelines previously mentioned in this Guide must be deviated from in order to test boundaries and embark on an adventure into uncharted territory. Taking this path has its rewards. You can become a pioneer in workplace dating by sharing your experiences with other men, and giving them the faith that ANYTHING is possible. You must be willing to break any social rules. As opposed to supplying many concrete examples of what to say to a woman, many of the ideas herein will be presented as concepts. Because there are so many directions and methods you can employ to attract women, it would take a greater work to go into fine detail as to what to say or do with a woman in any given situation, therefore I will supply only the foundations, which, when applied at the appropriate moment, will work with ANY woman in ANY situation. Such concepts also serve the purpose of understanding how you ought to proceed with advanced workplace dating at a deeper level. Those who are ready for it will intuitively know what they must do given their particular work environment, and given their particular target.
FOUNDATIONS Right from the start it’s vital to know that the foundation for successful advanced workplace dating is optimism. Not how you dress, not the words you say, not the connections you have. It’s all about your inner frame. You are advised to re-read Chapter 2 on being optimistic and tailor you visualizations and affirmations to fit your situation and goals.
You should be Cool, Calm and Connected, while exhibiting behaviors of Leadership, Pre-selection and Non-neediness.
If you have solid optimism about the woman you're interested in, you can actually break some rules and still get the girl. I advise that you allow these women to initiate strong interest in you before closing them. The easiest way to do this is to continue to think optimistically about them without attempting to "do" anything to escalate the courtship. This may take weeks or months, but this is all for the purpose of not jeopardizing your job. Let these women make their interests known to you first without you having to show them any overt interest.
You must believe that you are a natural seducer. You must believe that you can have ANY woman you desire, and you must believe that women absolutely adore you. You must honestly believe that you are God's Gift to women. And you would be right in such a belief. After all, are not women Gifts from God to you? You must have absolutely NO FEAR of getting a harassment complaint. It just doesn't happen to you, because you are loved and approved by all women. There are NO pitfalls in your reality. You must talk and interact with her as if she is already yours. Do not be intimidated by her position or her confident appearance. No matter how much older she is than you, or how much more money she makes, or how much more experienced she appears, or how high up she is in the company, she is still a natural woman at her core, and can therefore be seduced by you. Read that sentence again. Understand clearly: There is absolutely NO woman on earth who is "out of your league." The very fact that you are Man, and she is Woman, is more than enough to show that you two are very well qualified for each other. Don't get distracted by company politics. The workplace is your playground. Ignore the sexual harassment flyers posted on company walls. They do NOT apply to you. They are there merely to keep the fearful at bay, giving you easy passage into the lives of women at work. You want to have good Social Intuition, and the ability to read a woman's body language exceptionally well.
You want to have patience. You are in no rush to close her. When the time is right you will make your move, or you may choose to allow her to close you. Either way, there is no hurry, even if your efforts take months. You realize that the longer spend time with her, the deeper the emotional connection you create. It is very possible for a female coworker to fall in love with you before you go on your first date. Sometimes this means approaching several times over the course of a few months. A woman wants to feel desired and appreciated. Your compliments and statements of interest should be infrequent so as to not appear like you're fawning over her, but consistent so that she feel that you genuinely care about her. You want to acknowledge to her that you're considerate of the things that mean most to her.
BE THE BADBOY If all the other men are wearing shirts and ties, show up to work in jeans and tennis shows. Don't always follow the status quo. Differentiate yourself from the herd. Women are immensely attracted to men who break the rules and don't give a damn what others think. Remember, the juiciest gossip has always been who's fucking who. The workplace is no exception. Therefore, be the gossip. Once word gets around about your badboy behavior, you'll notice a shift in behavior in women from your workplace. You'll find that many of the freakiest women will make themselves known to you, and giving you strong interest right off the bat. Even the prudish types who express dissent in your behavior will be interested in you. Remember, many of these women put up a Goody Two Shoes image in order to maintain their social reputation in the workplace, but they are excited by a man who brings sexual energy into the workplace. So if you really want to attract the greatest number of women in the shortest amount of time, then don't strive to be employee of the month. Be the guy moms warn their daughters about. Be the badboy.
Also, know that there are many women who are open and receptive to the things that would normally be considered a pitfall.
Although many elements contained within the Guide are written in the light of caution, it is possible to make your interactions more direct and a little more sexualized and still receive a positive response. And not all women at work are feminists who hate men. Some are there to advance themselves and make money, but they don't take things too seriously and simply want to enjoy life and looking forward to some adventure. So yes, it
is possible for you to send an occasional tangible gift and her heart melts. And yes, you can plow through what resistance she's showing and get a positive response. And yes, instead of waiting for her to escalate, you can escalate by asking for her number or suggesting that you two go out for lunch, a drink, or a party. Your chances of success will depend on 2 factors: 1, how much attraction and comfort you've built with her in the workplace, and 2, her life circumstances relative to her being ready for a relationship. Generally speaking, the stronger the chemistry between you two, the more direct you can be, and the higher your success rate to win her. > Maybe you want to attract a VP of the company, or even the HR administrator. Maybe you want to attract "that one girl" > You can go direct. Special Holidays > Find out when is her birthday, and be the first person at work to wish her Happy Birthday. You may be the ONLY man at work that does this for her. > Valentine's Day. Wait until a day or two before Valentine's Day before attempting to close her. This allows adequate time for her to sense that Valentines is approaching and she still doesn't have a man, and she feels envious of her female co-workers who have already received flowers and candies from their significant others. When you're ready to close her, ask her what are her plans for Valentine's. If she's attracted to you or otherwise open to dating at the moment, she should mention that she doesn't have any plans or she doesn't have a boyfriend. From there, structure a direct close. If she accepts your close, show your appreciation by getting her some flowers or candy on Valentines Day. Surprisingly some women don't like Valentine's day due to bad experiences. She should be someone your are acquainted with and not a complete stranger to. > 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Get into conversation about the upcoming holiday and ask her what are her plans, if she says she has nothing going on, ask if she'd be interested in spending time with you for the holiday. > Another option is to cause her to have deep levels of attraction towards you without closing her. Don't structure any closing opportunities at all. Seduce her into closing you for a date, then take it a step further by neither accepting nor declining her offer. Cause her to fall in love with you all on company property. > Attempt to have sex on company property. > Ignore that she isn't contributing as much to the courtship. As long as she isn’t' giving you blatant signals that she's not comfortable with you, continue approaching, calling and giving her attention. This WILL have a positive effect on her. > You can also attempt bold things like target married women, or women in positions that are senior to yours, women who hold high positions of influence within the company, or even your own female supervisor.
== Types of women: > married women > women who are your superiors > women who are your subordinates > women who have rudely rejected you > women who view you only as a friend WOMEN IN POSITIONS OF POWER Older women who work in prestigious positions such as senior managers, VPs, and even HR administrators are very discreet, and will not jeopardize their reputation or career by being overt with their interest in you. With these women, you may not get any of the Big 3 interest indicators, but they still CAN be attracted to you. I recommend you approach them once every few weeks, and get into conversations about Hopes and Dreams, or Dating and Relationships. > Many independent women live by the mantra of "Never depend on a man for anything." The may have been told this by their mothers who had bad relationships with men, dated unreliable men, or had experiences with less than model father figures. > These types of women will be adverse to workplace romances, but if you have an profound effect on their emotions, they will at least contemplate taking a chance with you. In my experience, the best way to break down this barrier is to get into a conversation about Dating and Relationships, and communicate how it's important that one finds someone who doesn't kiss and tell, and are non-judgmental. > A career woman who is independent doesn't want to be a dominate bitch all day long. She wants a dominant man who can care for her and allow her to let go of her dominance and responsibility. She wants to let go and be the feminine, sexy woman on your arm out to dinner. Ask her: "Have you ever felt like coming home where you want to just, let go of all your responsibilities and being in control all the time. Where someone else could take you by the hand and say "Relax. I'll take care of things for awhile." > Remember, she is still a natural woman at her core, so no matter how "independent" or "controlling" she appears to be, there is still a part of her deep down that desires to have a real man in her life. You can be her man. > You must look beyond her job title, her college degree, her salary, her level of power and influence within the company, and see that she is still a woman who has a need for genuine attention, and to be tenderly cared for. > The key to seducing these women is to..(See 'The Lonely Leader' type in The Art of Seduction).... Because she is so used to being independent and in control, that she won't give it up so easily. > Anticipate that such courtships may last for weeks or months before it leads to a romantic affair. > The more powerful the position, the more conservative she tends to be.
== > She told herself to avoid workplace romances. She's heard the horror stories. But she can't help herself. She feels so drawn to you. She's falling under your spell, and she's loving it.
It is possible to turn her professional or platonic interest into a romantic one. Simply be Cool, Calm, and Non-needy, and show her some attention. Again, you may be the ONLY man that is currently showing her any significant attention, and she can't help but be moved by this. Meet her emotional needs met first, before her sexual needs. These emotional needs include feeling appreciated, understood, important, desired, and beautiful. When having conversations about Hopes and Dreams, or Dating and Relationships, she will usually mention some need or obstacle that prohibits her from being happy. You should attempt to be the man who meets her needs or at least talk about what it would be like to have those needs fulfilled. It is possible to turn a Friendly Manipulator into a romantic interest. Just keep in mind that these actions do have higher risks of reducing comfort levels, generating harassment complaints and possibly loss of employment. Therefore, before consciously applying any of the principles of advanced workplace dating, you should at least have other employment opportunities available or at least enough money to sustain your financial responsibilities for a few months until you're able to find new employment should something go wrong. These gestures usually work with women who are single and lonely (or committed and adventurous), but you should calibrate this by your brief conversations together, but even then, be aware that some women have had bad experiences with men in the past, and certain things you say or do can cause her to wonder if this will lead to another bad experience, thus reducing her comfort levels. Limit any non-work related interaction to oral dialog only. This means no sending non-work related emails using the company email system. No non-work related phone messages using the company phone system, and no tangible gifts such as letters, cards, candies or other objects. No tangibles.
You can create the idea of you two together by saying things like, "I wonder if you're this outside of work." Or "Are you this outside of work?" Whatever her response, you can say "Well, I'd like to see that for myself."
TANGIBLE FORMS OF AFFECTION
And in many cases, their discomfort stems from the fact that many tangible forms of affection are vague in their intentions. The question in their head is, "What do you want from me in return for giving me this?" Without any clear intent such as a request for a date she can feel uncomfortable. The only exception to the "No tangibles" guideline is company email or instant messages where she leads, you follow. This means if her messages are casual in nature, then you respond casually. However, if she's a little more suggestive or flirting, then you can reply in kind, but only with the same level of intensity as her message. Some email and IM flirting is fine and actually helps in closing her successfully. However, you are advised never to initiate any suggestive or flirtatious messages before she does, never attempt to close her directly via these mediums, and make sure you save the message. This way if things go wrong and she attempts to use the correspondence against you in a harassment complaint, then it will show that she contributed to (or even initiated) the interaction. If you do a non-work related thing, one of the best ways to avoid a harassment complaint is to follow-up your very first gesture with, "Did what I said or did make you feel uncomfortable? If so, I'll stop and it'll never happen again." If she thought it was okay, then follow-up with, "And if there is ever a time I say or do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, please let me know and I will stop immediately." Also, if you give her any tangible forms of affection, and she does NOT respond to you, this is a red flag that what you are doing is NOT welcomed. You may call yourself being indirect and charming, but if you do not hear any response from her within a day or two, you MUST contact her and apologize. "I was just calling to say that I'm so sorry if what I did made you uncomfortable. It will never happen again." Then remove her from your target list and move on.
You don't want to be her platonic friend. Instead you want to be her confidante. Remember, guys in the friend's zone will make themselves too available, do lots of nice things for her, and fawn over her. You will do NONE of these things. Your role as confidante is to be the man who helps talk her through her problems, hopes and dreams. Listen to her as she expresses herself and respond in a way that let's her know you understand her. Lift her up emotionally when she's feeling down. You are her hero in distress. The key is to show her genuine attention. == PURSUING YOUR DIRECT SUPERVISOR OR SUBORDINATE
== PURSUING MARRIED WOMEN
In light of the issues associated with having an affair (See Pitfall #5), it is possible to enter into a successful affair with a married woman. if you're getting strong interest from a married woman at work and you're interested in exploring a romantic relationship with her, there are several books on the market that can assist you, however I'd recommend starting out with this ebook: http://howtoseduceamarriedwoman.com/
As a side note, I was ambivalent about providing information about courting married women. I was slightly concerned with backlash from men and women who feel it's wrong to encourage men to sleep with other men's wives. But at the same time I knew that many married women feel trapped, repressed, and they simply shouldn't have get by without any happiness or excitement. The latter reasoning outweighs any negative views people might have of me. Call it...Love. While they may not want to leave their life behind indefinitely, they secretly desire a temporary outlet from their grim circumstances. Any woman who's been in such a circumstance understands this all too clearly. Perhaps you can be her mini-vacation. So I'm not encouraging men to sleep with other men's wives. The accurate way of putting it is if these wives want this for themselves in order to give them some sanity in their world, then they should not be denied it because they are married. The decision of the other man to give her what she wants is ultimately based on Love, not law. Generally speaking The point is depressed married women who are seeking affairs are not trying to forsake all to be with the other man. They are either looking to enhance their sex life, or simply asking for a break from their problems. Something that brings newness to their lives. Something that's different from the monotonous routines of marriage. A trip to the Bahamas isn't enough because it is a short-lived experience. Her relatives and girlfriends can only provide so much emotional support. She ultimately wants to experience unconditional love and non-judgmental acceptance with a man. In the process of getting their house in order, these women want occasional breaks from their circumstances. It not that their necessarily looking for a person, but a novel experience. And as far as I'm concerned, if this Guide is instrumental in putting a genuine smile on a wife's face, and causing her to feel that she is still someone worth having beautiful experiences in her life, then mission accomplished. A married woman is usually craving to have her emotional needs met first, before her sexual needs. These emotional needs include feeling appreciated, understood, important, desired, and beautiful. So the objective here is to fill these emotional needs while subtly introducing suggestive elements. So that in the process of being emotionally fulfilled, she will get turned on and want to have sex with the source of her happiness. The first indication that typically leads into the affair is when she opens up to you about problems in her marriage. How confining it is. How mundane it is. Play up to this. Tease
her about your freedom, and entice her about how it would be nice to have someone you can spend time with without all the arguing. One of the interesting things about a married woman is once she's decided that she wants to have an affair with you, she will pursue you. You don't even have to try. She will escalate. All you need do is smile and show her a little attention, and she will WANT you. The strongest indicator of interest to look for in a woman who is ready to have an affair with you is for her to mention that her husband will be away. It can take on a number of forms such as, "My husband is going away on business for a few days." or "My husband left to visit his family for the weekend." or "My husband is going to be working late tonight." The key is that she will VOLUNTEER this information. Married women have initiated affairs in this manner since the Old Testament (see Proverbs 7, verses 18-19).
Closing married women She won't come out and say "I want to have and affair with you," but she will hint at it, and expects you to lead her. You two can't be seen mingling together in public. Use indirect closes that relate to a private place: "Are you a good cook?" "Do you have any good DVDs at home worth watching?" "I can cook a fine lasagna." "I think you're an attractive woman, and I would love with you sometime, but I don't want there to be any problems if you're married." Then leave her your cell number. Let her call you when she's ready. If she seems resistant or doesn't follow along with the close, then it means she's getting cold feet. Otherwise. Don't pressure her. Simply make the opportunity available to her, and allow her to take it on her own. Closing married women also works well outside the workplace. There are many women who are seeking discreet affairs with no strings attached. MARRIED INDICATORS OF INTEREST Following are Indicators of interest of married women who are open to having an affair with you. > She hesitates before mentioning that she's married. Remember, hesitation is an indicator of interest.
> She doesn't thank you after mentioning that she's married. If a married woman is not interested in an affair with you, she will immediately say something like, "I'm married, but thank you." The "but thank you" part is her way of saying she's not interested. For some women, by not thanking you, they are keeping the interaction open for you to lead them. > She mentions that she's married, but continues looking at you with interest, as if she's waiting for you to lead her. In most cases she is. She might even say something like, "I don't think my husband would like that," implying that SHE would like that. Or "I'd love to, but I'm married." The first part of her sentence is an indicator if interest. > She appears frustrated when she mentions that she's married, as if she's being reminded that she doesn't have the freedom to do things outside her marriage that she secretly wants, and that your approach is another missed opportunity for her. Because of the guilt factor, understand that most women will tell you upfront that they're married, even if they are open to having an affair with you. She's giving herself plausible deniability for her actions. Because she's hoping that you lead her, should you enter into an affair, then in her mind it's YOUR fault that it happened, not hers.
She's looking for opportunity. She's saying, "I'm interested in an affair with you, but I don't want to lose my marriage over this. I also need your discretion." You: "You can keep your husband, but I'd love for us to get together at a time that's convenient for you. Let me give you my number and you can call me sometime." This message tells her that she doesn't have to leave her husband for you, and that you two can meet up on HER schedule, so there's no pressure on her part. ==== THAT ONE WOMAN She's not showing interest but you want her anyway.
=== SEXUAL TENSION THROUGH SUGGESTIVE LANGUAGE The key to creating good sexual tension is to subtly introduce suggestive language in both your words and body. In person, it means good eye contact and slow, suggestive body movements. Over the phone, it means a deep, warm, resonating voice. A plus is if you can make suggestive comments without appearing to come across as sexual, which is accomplished by keeping a straight, casual face. She will accept what you say more comfortably while still getting turned on. So instead of making an overtly sexual
comment like "I bet you like to do other things when you're in the shower, huh?", you might say:
You: "Have you ever had one of those long...hard...days at work? I was talking to my friend Jamie and she said when she has one of those days, the only thing you feel like doing is coming...home...and taking a nice, long shower. Where you can smell the sweet scent of your favorite body wash in the air. And you can feel the warm water, as it penetrates your body, and relaxes your muscles. Doesn't that feel good?" (While saying this you would speak in a warm, resonating tone with slow, suggestive body movements). Then you can end it with a twist like, "I told her I know how good it feels...until the time I slipped and fell on my ass." Or instead of saying "You probably look really hot cooking in the kitchen.", you can engage her with role-playing: You: "Are you a good cook?" Her: "Yeah." You: "Good. You know how I like my steak and eggs, so I look forward to you cooking that for me." Her: "Okay, did you want wine with that?" You: "Yeah, and can you wear that outfit I like to see you in?" Her: "Oh, do you mean my little black dress?" The point is, the "sexual" aspect of sexual tension is indirect and suggestive. It should not be some explicit, in-your-face type of interaction. You are gently stimulating her mind and emotions while maintaining her comfort levels. By creating sexual tension and causing her to experience a range of emotions and sensations, should you make some overtly sexual comment, she will be so overwhelmed by all the wonderful ways you're making her feel, that she will accept or play along with whatever you say, or at least laugh it off as if you're teasing her. She will fall under your spell. === PHYSICAL ESCALATION IN THE WORKPLACE Physical escalation in the workplace helps build comfort. And it should be done primarily with the women who are giving you strong indicators of interest. Know that you do not HAVE to touch a woman in order to successfully close her for a date. It's really not necessary and unless she has shown you strong interest, she could feel uncomfortable with touching from you. If your frame is strong, she will accept your escalation as something normal and no big deal.
When you shake her hand, hold it longer than normal while you talk to her. If no one is around, shake her hand then subsequently lead her by the hand to another location (water cooler). Hugs. It's not necessary to do those big hugs where you swing both arms around her body. A "friendly hug" where you hug her from the side with one arm around her shoulders or waist is sufficient. However if no one is around, then give her a big hug. You generally want physically escalate when no one else is around, but it is possible to do certain types of touching when people are around. For example, if you want to give her a friendly hug her while others are around, then be sure to give friendly hugs to other women, as well as the guys. This will give the appearance that you're this way with everyone, and won't create any noticeable attention towards the two of you. Don't attempt to whisper things in her ear when others are around. Depending on how receptive and comfortable a woman is with you, you can even give her a quick peck on the cheek. I also recommend you read an excellent book called "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene. It covers many methods of attracting women indirectly and includes examples from world-class seducers such as Casanova, Don Juan and Cleopatra. Trust me, by employing its principles at the right time in the workplace, it is possible for a woman to fall in love with you before you even go on a date. If you want to take Workplace Dating to the next level, you owe it to yourself to read this book. The beauty of the workplace environment is it is very conservative, civil and politically correct, especially in terms of male/female relationships. Nobody want to offend anyone else, and it seems as if people have to walk on egg shells. These social rules do NOT apply to you. Such a conventional environment is perfect for you because it allows you to easily stand out as someone who is rebellious, or even dangerous. Such connotations are very attractive to women. You will be seductive because you were willing to break forms of communicating and do your own thing. If something goes wrong, you may develop an infamous reputation, but understand that this is a GOOD thing. Women will be intrigued and men will be envious. Society is being conditioned to exhibit socially appropriate behavior, and people are considered "perverts" for thinking or doing otherwise. People are repressed.
=== FEMALE CUSTOMERS
This is a little beyond the scope of the Guide, but nonetheless relevant because you are attempting to date women who you meet in the workplace. You can close her with little risk of a harassment complaint because she is not likely to see you again the next day or the next day. In person > at place of work > away from work (at customer's home or business location) over the phone (call center/tech support) ========== SUMMARY OF PLAYING SOLID WORKPLACE DATING The basic structure of the interaction is: ATTRACT & EXTRACT 1. Attract her by your confident appearance, how well you interact with other co-workers, how delicate you handle your customers, and your professional behavior at work. 2. Build comfort by your brief interactions together 3. Wait for her to escalate the interaction by giving you her personal phone number, or her suggesting that you two go out and do something together. Don't attempt to game her in front of other co-workers. Schedule to meet at a venue where no other co-workers are congregating. > Provide her the opportunity to close you. Structure an opportunity for closing her just after generating some sexual tension. Accept that the interaction may take weeks or months from the time you meet until sex. Yes, it's possible to make this work within days or less depending on your target's personal circumstances and her level of attraction to you, but as a general rule, anticipate that it will take longer to close in the workplace than in the club. > Practice indirect game, especially with women who work in your department, or women you're in contact with on a frequent basis. > Target only those women who are giving you strong indicators of interest on a consistent basis. Target only those women who are giving you strong indicators of interest on a consistent basis. TARGET ONLY THOSE WOMEN WHO ARE GIVING YOU STRONG INDICATORS OF INTEREST ON A CONSISTENT BASIS. This is
the best way to avoid harassment complaints. Mark those who give you indicators of DISinterest and keep them strictly professional or platonic. > Target only those women who are not likely to be your direct superior or vice versa any time soon. > Avoid women in committed relationships. Attract, Comfort, Extract, Comfort, Seduction Tell at least 1 Story with each encounter (using routines, patterns, etc.). Take her mind off work, and give her thoughts of fun and adventure. Communicate that you don't kiss and tell, and that you are non-judgmental. > Target only women who are the same "status" at work as you. If you're in an entry-level position, target only women in entry-level positions. If you're in a supervisor position, target only supervisors. No tangible forms of affection. Do NOT give her things at work like gifts of candy, chocolates, flowers, cards, letters, emails, and voice messages. NO TANGIBLES. Avoid her friend's zone by avoiding her. ======== SUMMARY OF WORKPLACE DATING; GETTING STARTED 10 GUIDELINES OF WORKPLACE DATING) 1. Check your company policy to determine what workplace relationships are appropriate. 2. Be Cool, Calm and Connected. This tip alone will cause many women at your workplace to feel attracted to you before you even have your first conversation. You will also be perceived as an alpha male and leader within the company. 3. Select 1 or 2 women at your workplace who you are interested in (or better yet, those who are interested in you), and begin practicing indirect game as described within the Guide. Remember, target only those women who are giving you strong indicators of interest on a consistent basis. These women will invest in the courtship as opposed to you saying and doing everything. 4. Be Elusive and Enchanting. A woman is attracted to a man who...this helps you stay out of the Friend's Zone.
5. Look for one or more of the "Big 3" interest indicators before closing her: 1. She initiates conversation with you frequently. 2. Her non-verbal communication towards you is more provocative. 3. She flirts and teases with you. 5. Close your target INdirectly if you approach her, or you're not sure how attracted she is to you. Close directly if she approaches you, or her interest in you is strong. 6. Practice indirect game when you're ON company grounds. This allows you to generate attraction while minimizing harassment complaints. Switch to direct game when you're with your target OFF company grounds and OFF the clock. Be sure to clearly express your romantic or sexual interest in her at that time, so she has the opportunity to clearly reciprocate or reject your interests. 7. Occasionally read The Basic Guide to Workplace Dating, especially the Foundations chapter. Read the Guide in an effort to internalize its principles, to recognize opportunities for attracting women at work, and to avoid the pitfalls. ============ CONCLUSION: Ignore friends and male co-workers who say things like "Don't shit where you eat." or "Don't dip your pen in the company ink." or "Don't get your honey, where you get your money." Most of these men are either already in committed relationships, they have approach anxiety and afraid to offend, or they reserve their game until they're off company grounds for fear of a harassment complaint. This provides you a greater opportunity to attract more women. Understand clearly: You have NO competition at work. > Attract women indirectly, show them a little attention while introducing some sexual tension, and they WILL reveal their interests in you. Remember, many women your workplace do not frequent bars and clubs. Therefore, know that you may be the ONLY man that is giving her the attention she desires, ...Remember, you have NO competition at work. Besides, many women like a little drama in any given boring workday, and look forward to hearing about some guy at work that's pushing the envelope and giving the women there a little taste of excitement. And they secretly await your approach and escalation to see if you measure up to your "infamous" reputation. So don't be like all the ordinary guys who play it safe by not playing at all. The workplace is your playground with virtually no competition. Get in there and be the man who brings a sense of life and adventure into her world at the office. She will never forget you.
BEING CONNECTED Here are some good starters for being Connected at your workplace: > Get away from your station and out to where other co-workers are. This is especially if your job is to provide support to other departments. Get out there and interact with the people you support, as opposed to doing everything from your computer or from your desk. Visit other departments and the people who work there. Every once in a while, visit another co-worker just to chat. Talk with people you see, both women AND men. Create a presence wherever you go. > Smile when you make eye contact with others. This tells them that you're approachable and open to conversation. Take an active interest in the person you're talking with. Listen and address their interests and concerns, and make them feel good about themselves. > Be friendly, courteous and supportive of your customers. > Be part of a committee, such as the hiring committee or the purchasing committee. Validate the ideas and perspective of others in business meetings and group projects, especially if their ideas aren't chosen. Lead a group project or give a presentation. ALL women are attracted to a man who leads others. > Attend company events such as parties, workshops, seminars, expos, conferences and retreats. Check the company 'Events' calendar. This is one of the best ways to meet new people in your organization, as well as to get noticed by many women of different departments. > Build a social circle that includes women. This means targeting certain women to become their friend, not their lover. In addition to giving you social proof, your female friends can influence other women on your behalf, and they can even introduce you to female friends within their circle. You may already know a few women who you are comfortable being friends with without sex. Sex with such friends might happen, but you're not intentionally causing it because you have other women that you have a greater attraction for. > Become friends with male co-workers who are compatible with you. Guys you can hang out with. They too are part of the life you want to live. They can also double as your wingmen. > Have a life outside of work. No, not just bars and night clubs. Attend exhibits, expos, festivals, parties and city events. Or consider joining a social club and doing activities together. Although this is not directly related to being Connected at work, having a life outside of work will be your primary means of closing your target.
> Get a small group of people together and go out to lunch, drinks, or even golfing. Join (or start) a company sports team like softball or bowling. Do something together outside of work. > If someone in the company invites you to be part of something they've got going on, Go. > Notice I didn't say to do other people's jobs, or volunteer for everything that comes up at work. Just be a little more involved with what's going on at your company, and more importantly, be involved with the people within it. Be seen. Be heard. Be social. Be involved.