The 24/7 D/s LifeStyle

The 24/7 D/s Lifestyle The term “24/7 Dominant/submissive lifestyle” is often used to describe intense relationships in the Scene, but in fact it means far more than that. It’s not just about two people living together with kinky sex adding spice to their lives. Rather, it’s about a committed relationship in which a power exchange shapes and pervades all of the partners’ interactions. The submissive willingly and consensually cedes control and authority to the dominant. The dominant takes responsibility for that control and for making all the conscious decisions within the relationship. While the submissive may voice a dissenting vote, the dominant always makes the final decision. What that means on a day-to-day basis has often been a controversial and heated subject. But it need not be. Within the D/S framework, each couple must shape their own relationship. What is right for one couple isn’t necessarily right for another. We live a 24/7 D/s Mistress/slave relationship. Our relationship is not necessarily any better than the next couple’s and should not be judged or even emulated—unless it meets your needs. However, because ours has been so successful, and because it reflects many of the more traditional values of this approach, many have asked us to explain how we perceive this lifestyle. So it is our approach—our perceptions and relationship—that is the basis for all the definitions in this article. At the outset, it’s important to understand that a 24/7 D/s lifestyle should not be a goal for everyone in the BDSM community. It’s just one variation on the many ways in which D/s themes can be integrated into one’s life. This sort of lifestyle can take tremendous effort. It is not inherent in most people and, therefore, not right for everyone. However, for those who gravitate towards it, we hope that our values and experiences can offer some useful guidance.

D/s Definitions

To us, a 24/7 D/s lifestyle means that the relationship is lived twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. There is no time out, no time off. It is not a series of S/M activities, done either in private or the confines of a safe environment but distinct from our larger sense of life’s realities. Rather, the power exchange dynamic and sexuality are an integral component of our identities and an ever-present reality in our lives. Some people have 24/7 D/s lifestyle relationships that do not even include S/M activities. Acts, per se, do not define the lifestyle relationship; the lifestyle relationship is defined by the power exchange dynamic and how it is applied. In this lifestyle, being dominant or submissive is not a “role” that starts and stops at specified times. It is intrinsic to our nature and how we identify ourselves all the time relative to each other and our relationship. Consider these definitions:

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Being a dominant is a personality trait, in contrast to acting as a top, who is the one who controls a scene. A person can top without being a dominant. Both are different from being a mistress, who is a person who owns someone. Similarly, being a submissive is a personality trait, in contrast to acting as a bottom, which is one who is controlled in a scene. One can bottom without being a submissive. A slave, on the other hand, is one who is owned, one who has turned over most if not all of his rights to someone else.

Thus, to us, being a top or bottom refers to limited activities. Being a dominant or a submissive refers to who you are, intrinsically, and how you relate to a partner from deep within your soul. Lifestyle dominants are people of power and authority who are consistently able to control their own and their submissives’ lives. They find such power deeply fulfilling, seeing themselves as protectors, instructors, and even “parents” to their submissives. This reflects their strong sense of personal responsibility. Lifestyle submissives often experience a lack of fulfillment in the absence of a caring dominant in their lives. They have a fundamental desire for control shown through discipline, rewards, and punishments. They often feel control as a confirmation of love and commitment. In 24/7, the dominant and submissive roles within the relationship are permanent. The partners do not switch roles with each other. While the dominant or submissive may have role-playing switch experiences outside of the relationship, playing top or bottom, they do not switch within the relationship. Thus, the line in the sand between their roles is clearly drawn. Neither do the partners view these roles as options from which they can walk away. There is a high level of commitment to the relationship and the lifestyle. Submissive vs Slave

The range of supervision, which may or may not be sharply erotic, varies widely. The dominant may manage using general guidelines or a detailed agenda. Micro-management may control even mundane activities, such as when the submissive sits, eats, speaks, moves, etc. Some people consider the defining line between a submissive and a slave as the extent to which the person is controlled, i.e. how many aspects of the person have been surrendered and are micro-managed. Although such micro-management is common, it is not the defining difference. Instead, we characterize a slave by several other elements. 

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First, a slave is one who turns over everything—personal rights, freedom of choice, property, etc. —to another person. The master may not choose to exert control over all of these areas but retains the right to do so. Second, a slave’s deep desire to serve, particularly to serve a master, is not transactional. That is, a slave serves without expecting specific recognition in return for any particular act. Thus, the slave views service as act of devotion. This is not to say that the slave should be treated as a doormat. Certainly the dominant should appreciate the slave’s surrender of power. However,

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slaves expect their personal needs to be met within the power exchange through the master’s knowledge of their desires, rather than through specific requests. Third, beyond following instructions, a slave performs tasks not bidden by the master, by reading their master’s actions and moves, thereby getting inside the master’s mindset to further fulfill and serve the master better. While this does not work in every instance, slaves try as hard as possible to interpret the master’s desires in order to serve to the fullest extent of their abilities. Intrinsic to this process is treading a fine line between service and intrusiveness—knowing when “enough is enough.”

Making it Work 24/7

Obviously, a 24/7 D/s lifestyle relationship is far more demanding in many ways than vanilla or even other styles of BDSM relationships. The intensity of the power exchange is present every minute. How can couples make this work smoothly and in a way which both will find gratifying? Communication, honesty, trust, commitment and responsibility must be the bywords of such relationships. An ongoing flow of communication is essential for the survival and flowering of the relationship. There must be no secrets. The submissive, in particular, has little or no privacy and must be totally open about feelings. The type of trust needed between the partners goes far beyond anything normally seen in vanilla relationships. Mistakes do not damage the fabric of the relationship, they may strengthen it. In particular, when a dominant makes mistakes, he does not lose face. Human imperfection is universal and must be accepted. Indeed, a dominant often openly acknowledges a mistake to maintain trust. In a slave’s eyes, a strong dominant is one who can show vulnerability without fear of judgement. Slaves should know their place, continue to serve and be a comfort to their masters through the difficult periods in life. Both are equal, albeit on different levels within the relationship. Some couples develop significant rituals, such as how the submissive will prepare the dominant’s bath or breakfast every morning and greet the dominant at the end of the work day. These are important bonding rituals that also help reinforce the power exchange.

Benefits for the Partners

The giving and receiving of intense physical and psychological control provides immense pleasure in the lives of dominants and submissives involved in these relationships. The gratification derived from the constant awareness of power roles can be intellectual and emotional, as well as erotic.

The absolute honesty and openness between the partners can yield enormous confidence in oneself, in each other, and in the relationship. It may yield a unique mental connection. The submissive frequently knows what the dominant wants even before an instruction is given. The clear delineation of power often frees the individuals in social and business situations. For example, because the submissive has given her power to the dominant, she has no reason to cede power to anyone else. So the submissive may become more assertive and effective in other areas of life. Many submissives report becoming very strong as a result of these relationships. Sexual and sensual openness also bloom. Both partners have the freedom to shed all inhibitions. Problems from other areas of the relationship are less likely to intrude on sexuality because anger/ disobedience are dealt with elsewhere, in the proper context. Thus, aggressions can be acted out in a positive way through sexuality. Because the limits of both the dominant and the submissive are clearly known to each other, safewords are rarely if ever used in 24/7 D/s relationships. They are unnecessary when a dominant easily recognizes the body language and emotional cues of the submissive. When used, the safeword serves as an emergency notification of information, not a withdrawal of consent. Exploration and pressing of limits is often done with a specific purpose, to help the submissive grow as a person, rather than simply to push performance.

Roadblocks and Problems

One of the primary roadblocks on the path to a 24/7 D/s lifestyle relationship is the lack of role models to help either the dominant or the submissive understand the dynamics and what works in such relationships. Relatively few couples really lead this lifestyle. The guidance of experienced lifestyle couples as mentors and counselors can be invaluable, especially if problems arise. However, even when role models are available, the partners must individualize their relationship, to reflect their own personal values and needs, especially to take into account the physical or psychological limitations of one or both partners. Such groundwork is essential to avoid unrealistic expectations. The partners should be clear at the outset that they share an understanding of what the relationship will be. What will be the level of micro-management? What personal freedom will the submissive retain? What will daily life be like? They must discuss and agree upon near, if not identical, understandings of these and other critical D/s issues. Ego problems can also trouble the relationship. Submissives may become defiant about the extent and type of control or feel that their personal goals are not being valued. If the submissive does not have a well-developed sense of self, personal identity struggles may re-emerge. One way to tackle such problems is to seek out other slaves, who understand the unique issues and problems, for help in

reaffirming goals and ideals. Or the slave can turn to a kink-aware psychologist who can help resolve the inner ego turmoil without imposing vanilla relationship standards. Dominants who lack empathy and understanding may take the submissive’s service for granted in what is called the “doormat syndrome,” thereby dooming the relationship to eventual failure. Vanilla-world life also can place pressure on the relationship. These relationships are hard to “hide” because the power exchange dynamic between the partners is ever-present. Although our society generally endorses long-term, monogamous relationships, D/s lifestylers often face the opposite: shunning or condemnation, especially by clergy, health care personnel, and government agencies. The devotion of their relationship may be misinterpreted as abuse. The couple may find themselves on the defensive with family, friends, business colleagues, and others. Deciding how “out” they want to be with family and friends is an important decision for the couple. Being out certainly eases the burden of trying to hide the dynamics of the relationship. However, when vanilla family and friends do not understand or disparage the power exchange dynamic, they often try to interfere, such as by recommending what behaviors should not be tolerated. The partners should work together to develop techniques for deflecting criticism while still maintaining the dynamic. This can be done through simple rituals. For example, while in the presence of family, the submissive can still choose to sit at his/her dominant’s feet, doing it in an unobtrusive way. While there are no easy solutions to these problems, working together to deal with them may ultimately serve to bring the couple even closer together.

Recognition of the Commitment

As a society, we acknowledge the need for symbols to recognize relationships. In BDSM, the collar is the symbol most often used to signify the commitment in a D/s relationship. However, a “collar” can take many forms and does not necessarily have to be worn visibly around the neck, especially when it will draw undue comment from family or colleagues. Other forms of recognition that can serve a similar function include tattoos, cuttings, and brands. Although a collar has many different meanings in the Scene, it may be synonymous to—or carry even greater weight than—a marriage vow for those involved in a 24/7 D/s lifestyle. For submissives who wear a collar at all times, it is a powerful everyday reminder of the bond between the dominant and the submissive. For others, although it may be removed physically for practical reasons, such as to go to work, it is never removed emotionally. For many, a collar is a constant reminder that she is owned and taken care of. He takes pride in wearing the collar, and it brings comfort to him when his dominant is away at work or elsewhere. For her, the knowledge that she holds the key to the hasp that locks the collar around his neck is an ever-present

responsibility that he has willingly taken upon herself.

Reasons for Submission There are two different types of submission, lifestyle submission and erotic submission.

Lifestyle Submission Sociobiology. The knight is brave, strong, and capable, but genetically programmed to submit. Your modern knight is chivalrous, which in modern terms means he submits to a higher moral code. He is fair and kind, and he feels guilty more than he should. Your submissive knight is also desperate to submit to a female. When a man falls in love, a very common fantasy is risking his life to protect or save the woman who is the object of his love.

So, men are programmed to submit, some more than others. Some men do not fall in love. Some men are very submissive. Women can enjoy submission too, but they are genetically programmed to command. The stereotype of the female is weak and passive, but that's just at the start of the relationship. Sooner or later, women take control and manage the family resources to provide for home and family. The knight is one of these resources. By taking control, a Dominant accepts responsibility for another person's life. Women do this whenever they have a baby. Also consider competence. Men are better hunters and do not need a woman's advice on how to hunt. In general women have better social skills, which would lead them to be leading in many interactions with her mate. Women are also a little more cautious and preparing. These are good traits for a leader making decisions for the whole family. This is a sociobiological theory. The male is submissive because submissiveness is adaptive; the woman is dominant because of her dominance is adaptive. We are supposed to have a patriarchal society run by dominating men. Well, the knight should not submit to everyone, he is supposed to rule corporations. He submits only to his mistress. So he seems dominant and is dominant, except to his wife. Women are attracted to the strong knight, that's their programming. So at the start of the relationship, the man must appear as strong and dominant as possible. If he is later to submit to this woman, he might be programmed to select a caring woman. So in the start of a relationship, the woman's best strategy might be to appear caring. So men are dominant, except to their spouses. The tendency to submit. You submissive tends to follow orders and wants to please others. That's his personality. Of course, everyone considers consequences, and the best action is often to follow an order

or please someone. But the submissive tends to obey or please before any conscious thoughts. Submissives might be more attuned to others' feelings, and that they hate conflict, which is why they want to obey and please. Your submissive might not be this way, but you can't know just by looking. The submissive learns to defend himself, so he does not submit or try to please every one. But this takes a toll on the submissive, and you should appreciate that problem.

The pleasehe hiswas Mistress is probably adaptive. Consider the ancient hunter. motivation, The single man coulddesire hunt to because hungry. The man with a mate and family needs another like pleasing his mate. Perhaps, in the world of the male, nothing is more important than pleasing his mate. Implications. Submissives have a strong need to submit. If he can't submit to you, he will be very unhappy or look elsewhere (and be unhappy). So you should think carefully before turning down a dominance gig for your knight. Your approval is also very important. If he does something useful for home and family, such as bring home a paycheck, show him your approval. Not just the word thanks, but at least a smile and a happy thank you.

The ideal job for a submissive would involve pleasing a boss, who would show approval. Avoidance of personal conflict is also probably important. He should not have to deal with people who do not care about him. He can defend himself against these people, but probably not perfectly, and not without suffering. Because of his high moral code, he should have a job that helps people, or second choice at least a job that does not hurt or take advantage of people.

Eroticism The second type of submission is erotic submission, and it is very important to men. Kinks and fetishes. The loss of control is erotic. The kinks and fetishes of submission are everything

the submissives have found that causes loss of control. Bondage is an obvious loss of control. And submission is the loss of control. The offer to submit is an offer to give up control, the desire to submit is a desire for no control, and complete submission is a complete loss of control. Perhaps the most common kink in submission is the desire to be humiliated. The School of Caring Domination believes that humiliating a man lowers his self-esteem and feelings of worth. With less selfesteem and worth, his willpower is decreased. This is exactly what the submissive wants, because less willpower means less self control and less ability to resist domination. In short, it can be erotic to the submissive. But the loss of self-esteem and worth is bad, so much of caring domination revolves around avoiding humiliation. There will be an entire lesson on this. Rejection and criticism also can be erotic, and again they lower the man's power. Why? Why is a loss of control erotic? Lets start with erotic. Duh, something is erotic because it

increases desire. But desire is a loss of self control. If you desire sex, you are losing your self control to work or avoid sex. You might not notice your loss of self-control, because you just want sex, but it's gone. So, in a funny way, being erotic means loss of control. Being taken over by the desire for sex, is found throughout the sexual act. The ultimate in arousal is complete desire for sex. And it is impossible to tell a story about a good orgasm where the person does not lose control. The male is programmed to find the female body erotic, and he is programmed to be aroused by physical sensations. The male might be programmed to find the loss of control erotic, but this is probably learned, by association and conditioning. Like how smiling helps make you happy, the loss of control is erotic to the submissive. More kinks. Teasing is also erotic to the submissive. Teasing is the suggestion of sexual delights followed by their withdrawal. Teasing leaves the man in a state of frustrated arousal, which might sound unpleasant and is, but it is also a state of strong desire. Another submissive fetish, believe it or not, is enforced chastity. Everything can have different meanings, and chastity can be humiliating and signal submission and a loss of power. But it also increases desire. The stereotyped dominatrix wears provocative clothing, which of course increases desire. Guilt. The stereotype is that the submissive feels guilty, so he wants to be punished. By pain,

humiliation, spanking, whatever. In my experience, this is not true. The submissive is after submission and sex, not punishment. Anyway, if someone wanted to be punished, what does that have to do with sex? Of course, the submissive does feel guilty. The submissive has a high moral code and is sensitive to others, so he always feels guiltier than he should. His kinks and fetishes just add to this guilt. Meanwhile, guilt is probably one more way of making a person weaker. The cruel dominatrix. The submissive wants to submit, he wants arousal, he wants sex. He is supposed to submit to the caring woman. He knows that. But he doesn't have a caring Mistress, and he really

wants the sex. the So cruel the cruel dominatrix do justwant fine. that His high moral code his the willpower from obeying dominatrix. butwill he doesn't protection, so he and craves loss of stop him willpower.

Both? Some men want erotic submission and have no interest in lifestyle submission. In my experience, they like to be the one who is really in control. This is called topping from the bottom, which means controlling the situation even though pretending to be the sub. So you have to watch for this, at least if it is not enjoyable for you. Just to guess, you might really be able to do noncaring things to these men, since they are not really submitting. So you could probably withhold sex/scenes unless they do what you want.

But most submissives want both, which is probably fair. The knight is supposed to submit to his Mistress, and in return he has the pleasure of seeing her happy and approving of him, but he probably deserves good sex too. Most of the time, the man's immediate reason for seeking domination is that he wants erotic domination. You are probably more interested in lifestyle domination. Erotic domination is measured by how excited the man is to obey and be controlled. Lifestyle domination is measured by how much he wants to please his Mistress and make her happy. Those are two different things. But if your knight is submissive, and if you can erotically dominate him while being caring, the lifestyle domination will follow. Unfortunately, many of the tricks for erotic domination work against the lifestyle domination. A recurring issue is how to erotically dominate your knight without undermining your lifestyle domination.

An inital control how-to?

Becoming a slave doesn't happen overnight. Is about progressive control, each person is different and some techniques work differently on some than others. The following seems to be a very good initial approach. Slaves should desire to be controlled physically, financially and sexually. The slave should like the idea of kneeling to his mistress, and worshipping her as a Goddess. A good site to have him review is goddessclub.com, to provide him with ideas of how he should act. Encourage the slaves to create an altar or dedicated place to kneel to you (or picture of you), where he can reflect on what he did to serve you that day and how he thought of you. Have the slave send a daily email to you where he describes this. Keep in mind it’s all psychological process. It takes time and comes in stages. The slave should desire to send you a small tribute or gift weekly. Give him ideas of what you like, so that he can send a useful meaningful gift. The slave need to learn the initial pleasure and fulfillment from serving you. Weather in be through the tribute or thoughts of you, or how he controls him self for you. The slave should want and crave for you to live like a Goddess and will receive great joy in knowing that he is helping to make that happen, After a few short weeks of daily communication and the building of trust, ask the slave to send a letter of application (aka. petition for service), current picture, and tribute. The letter should include these essentials as well as anything else he wants to tell you. Name, Location & are you willing to relocate, Contact information ( email, phone, address etc - all or one of these); Previous BDSM experience; Why he would be a good slave for you; What qualities he is looking for in a Mistress; Fetishes; Why he adores you; What position he is applying for: Internet, casual or 24/7. The letter should tell this mistress as much as you can about yourself so that she can make an informed decision! The tribute is a gift to her. It is something that you send in with your application so that I know that you are truly a serious candidate. It is like when people used to bring gifts to the Gods to show that they worshipped them. The mistress should judge by the content of the letter more so than the tribute. The slave should include his contact information in the letter so that the mistress can let him know if and when he has been accepted.

Psychological control.

It really all starts with psychological control. The physical merely reinforces the psychological. Here are the basics to thought control: Every desired response has to have either a neutral or positive response from the controller. Every nondesired response has to have a negative response from the controller. Doing this requires research into the controlled person's reactions and beliefs. You do not paddle somebody who likes paddling unless you're meaning to be providing a positive reward. You do not cane somebody who doesn't like caning unless you are providing a negative punishment. Examples: Your slave talks on the phone to a friend and says says things about you that are disrespectful. Maybe it's to get attention, maybe your slave doesn't know you heard it, or heard about it. You punish them for doing so. You don't do things that you like to do to punish them. You do things your slave doesn't like, or you have your slave do things the slave doesn't like, to punish your slave. That could be yardwork, or scrubbing floors by hand, or standing in the corner, or some torment you enjoy. Now comes the hard part. You have something you enjoy, that your slaves hates. Not a hard limit thing, just something that they really don't enjoy, and wouldn't choose to ask for, or suggest. Ever. But you want your slave not only to do the thing you enjoy, but also to enjoy it. So you tell your slave that you have a goal for them. You want your slave to enjoy that thing you enjoy. That's the goal and the reward will be worth achieving the goal. In this case, the reward is not to be punished for failing to enjoy the thing you enjoy. At this point you don't tell them what the punishment for failure would be, unless it's required in your dynamic. So, you think of the nastiest, meanest most foul punishment possible, and the next time you want to do that thing you enjoy, you do it. If, you don't get the reaction you are desiring from your slave, you then give them that nastiest, meanest most foul punishment and you tell them it's because you expect them to share in your enjoyment of that thing you enjoy, and it was obvious that they didn't. You make it very clear that they wouldn't have to go through this punishment if they enjoyed that thing you enjoy. There will be moping and stamping of feet and crying, but the punishment will be completed before anything else happens, and you can't relent. The next time you want to do that thing you enjoy, you do it. Same rules, same message. "Slave, you wouldn't have to go through this punishment if you had enjoyed doing this thing for me, with me." Then you make the punishment worse, however it works, either making it longer or harder, whatever works. At the end of this even nastier and meaner, and even fouler punishment, you reinforce that its just going to keep getting worse and worse, so they need to re-think their opinion on what they think of that thing that you enjoy. You make it an overriding issue of everything that that matters to them that you do for them. You start adding that punishment to other punishments for other things which had earned lesser

'bad boy' punishments in the past. You don't ever say it's because you're not enjoying that thing you enjoy. You say it's because you would enjoy it more when they enjoy it too, and since you believe they are not as caring about pleasing you as a slave should then you think that your slave needs to be reminded of it, constantly, until your slave learns to enjoy that thing you enjoy. Now they are thinking about it all the time, thinking about it when they are doing anything, because anything done wrong can result in being told to return to this punishment, until they convince you that they do enjoy that thing you enjoy. What works as a really nasty punishment? Hmmm. That varies greatly from person to person. I've found that leaving the slave standing in the corner repeating, "I will not be a selfish slave." for an hour tends to work really well. Have them say it, whisper it, mouth the words, it's all the same. You can't even mouth the words without thinking them. "I am acting like a selfish .", "My Mistress's preferences are my preferences." also work. Or a good hard paddling, that gets longer and longer. It's really up to what you learn and know about your slave. It won't always work. The Mistress has to want to hold the line, and not relent, rather than releasing the slave. The slave has to want to change their opinion of the thing the mistress enjoys, more than wanting to runaway. That's how thought control is made to work, when it can be made to work.

Slave Training -Voice training Many think this is a good base to build off of. The quick rules for speech are as follows: A. "Mistress" is the Mistress's role, title, and name. A slave will always refer to him only as "Mistress”, "The Mistress" , “my Mistress”, “Ma‘m”, or “my Owner” depending on how it is being used in a sentence and to whom the slave is speaking. B. A slave’s reference to himself is always "Your slave" or “Your property” or “he” as a secondary reference when speaking to his Mistress. When speaking with others, a slave refers to himself as "this slave" and uses "he" as a secondary reference. A slave will never use the words "me", "my" or "I". C. A slave says "Yes Ma‘m thank you Ma‘m!" every time the slave: i. Is given any order ii. Is told any piece of information, even if it doesn't affect him iii. Has his speech or behavior corrected or explained The slave says "No, Ma‘m thank you Ma‘m!" when his response is negative. The slave must always address his Mistress as Mistress, Ma’m or Goddess. Any of these are acceptable substitutes for the “ Ma’m “ in the above rules. At no time is the slave to call his Mistress by her real name, except in public places where it is necessary. Any deviation from speech rules is grounds for immediate punishment.

The goal of slave voice training is to train the slave to speak in the pattern and inflection that his Mistress finds desirable and is befitting his position as her slave. He learns how, when and where to speak. It is desirable for two basic reasons. The first is to make him easier to manage and the second is to demonstrate to him that even his speech is controlled by his Mistress. There is a certain beauty in the speech pattern and voice inflections of a well trained slave. She has the duty to establish rules that make her a more effective servant and to make him easy to manage. He is her property and as such needs managed properly. Voice training is one tool used in the effective management of her property. It provides an effective groundwork for higher level training. The Mistress controls communication which makes training easier for both the Mistress and slave.

This does not mean that a slave can't express concerns or ask questions, communication between the two is necessary. It just means the Mistress has control of when and how the communication is done. Voice training will insure that his Mistress has control of all conversation and not the slave, gives him a clear method and means to communicate to his Mistress, improves the sound of her speaking voice and

gives him another way of expressing his submission.

Forcing a slave to adhere to a submissive speech pattern, helps him focus his whole being on his slavery. It’s not just a behavioral change, but a change of his thought process as well. Generally, the slave will have to learn two or more different levels of speech patterns. Usually in the highest level, the slave remains silent until spoken to and if not spoken to, must ask for permission to speak. His speech at the highest level is directly under the control of his Mistress.

Usually there is at least one lower level of speech. At a lower level, the slave usually has permission to speak, but still must use protocol that will usually involve calling her "Mistress" or "Ma'm". Usually in training, the slave’s voice is first restricted, then granted back on a limited bases and taught the details of the different levels of speech. Removing his speech first, causes him to focus on the relearning process more. He has to learn the new patterns of speech in order to communicate.

Infractions are often punished immediately, but punishment alone is not a good method of training. Encouragement and praise are often more effective. The speech patterns are not normal but a slave usually adapts fairly fast to the different levels of speech.

EXAMPLES OF TWO DIFFERENT LEVELS OF COMMUNICATION: Examples of Required communication in a Higher MODE such as the slave mode: Speech will change depending on the MODE a Mistress has placed his slave in. A. "Mistress" is the Mistress role, title, and name. A slave will always refer to her only as "Mistress”, "The Mistress" , “my Mistress”, “Ma'm”, or “my Owner” depending on how it is being used in a sentence and to whom the slave is speaking. B. A slave’s reference to herself is always "Your slave" or “Your property” or “he” as a secondary reference when speaking to his Mistress. When speaking with others, a slave refers to herself as "this slave" and uses "he" as a secondary reference. A slave will never use the words "me", "my" or "I". The only exceptions are that a slave can say "my Mistress", or "my slavery" C. A slave says "Yes Ma‘m thank you Ma‘m!" every time the slave: i. Is given any order

ii. Is told any piece of information, even if it doesn't affect him iii. Has his speech or behavior corrected or explained The slave says "No, Ma‘m thank you Ma‘m!" when his response is negative. The slave may occasionally strengthen the response by responding, "Ma'm, Yes Ma'm, Thank You Mistress!” Another alternative when answering a question for information only is "Yes Mistress, Thank You Ma'm!" These variations are intended to only be used appropriately and cannot become a substitute for the normal response of "Ma'm, Yes Ma'm, Thank Your Ma'm!" D. The slave can answer any yes or no question asked of her by stating “yes/no Ma'm” and will respond to assuming a position with only “yes, Ma'm” (example: the command - kneel - will be answered –“yes Ma'm”) E. A slave never speaks unless spoken to. When the slave feels a need for the Mistress attention, the slave comes into the Mistress consciousness by: 1. PRESENTING herself (see section of Presenting to his Mistress) 2. Immediately asking only one time "Mistress?" The slave expresses his request for the Mistress attention regardless of what the Mistress is doing at the time. The request is presented in such a way as to NOT disturb what the Mistress is doing at the time, but sufficient to make the Mistress aware of the request. 1. Awaits the Mistress' acknowledgment 2. If asking a "yes" or "no" question says "Ma'm, do You wish Your slave to..., Ma'm" (whatever yes/no question the slave has), beginning with "Ma'm" and ending with "Ma'm". 3. If asking to go to the bathroom, asks "Ma'm, do You wish Your slave to go to the bathroom, Ma'm?" 4. The slave responds "Ma'm, Yes Ma'm, Thank You Ma'm!" no matter what the Mistress' response to any question. 5. If the question implies an action, the slave, after the normal "Ma'm, Yes Ma'm, Thank You Ma'm!" he will do the action and present to his Mistress for further instruction unless he is told to continue. 6. If the question doesn't imply the slave's action, the slave must additionally ask "Ma'm, do You wish Your slave to continue Ma'm?" Again, the slave will respond "Ma'm, Yes Ma'm, Thank You Ma'm!" no matter what answer is given. 1. If the slave feels the need to ask a question that is longer than a yes/no question, the slave asks: 1. "Ma'm, do You wish Your slave to ask a question Ma'm?" 2. Awaits the Mistress' response.

3. Says "Ma'm, Yes Ma'm, Thank You Ma'm!" 4. asks his question if the Mistress' response was affirmative 1. If the slave feels the need to make a comment, he asks: 1. "Ma'm, do You wish Your slave to make a comment Ma'm?" 2. awaits the Mistress' response 3. responds "Ma'm, Yes Ma'm, Thank You Ma'm!" 4. makes the comment, if question answered in affirmative. F. When the slave is already engaged in conversation with the Mistress, the slave doesn't have to enter the Mistress' consciousness by saying "Ma'm?" G. When the Mistress has asked his slave a question, the slave doesn't need to ask the Mistress' intention regarding making a comment, H. A slave refers to other slaves as "slave", as "slave (first name), "slave sister", or other identifiers or name defined by his Mistress. I. "Ma'm, beg Your pardon Ma'm" is the only way a slave expresses his accidental activities. A slave never says "sorry", or "excuse me." It would be appropriate for a slave to use "Beg Your Pardon Ma'm" in a crowd when he has bumped into another. J. "Ma'm, beg Your pardon Ma'm" is also the appropriate response when a slave didn't hear or clearly understand an order. A slave says "Ma'm, Yes Ma'm, Thank You Ma'm!" only when she fully understands the explanation or order and when he feels the appreciation for having it given to him. K. A slave enters into a conversation in the Master's presence by asking "Ma'm?" "Do You wish Your slave to make a comment Ma'm?" This allows the slave into the conversation. The Mistress might also directly invite the slave into the conversation with a sign, a word, a look, or a nod which indicates the Mistress' order to speak. The slave, as always, responds "Ma'm, Yes Ma'm, Thank You Ma'm!" L. When speaking with the Master, every sentence is begun and ended with the word "Ma'm", and EVERY pause filled with "Ma'm" whether for a breath, a new thought, or any other purpose. When there is more than one thought to express, the slave can use a single "Ma'm" between sentences so that two "Ma'm's" aren't expressed together. Thoughts are expressed clearly, succinctly, and without run-on. Each thought is ended, rather than held with "you know", "uh" or any other holder of speech. No holder of speech is ever used except for "Ma'm." M. slaves are free to speak between themselves, even in the presence of their Mistress, so long as it is not distracting, does not compete with what the Mistress wants to express, can be immediately and easily interrupted by the Mistress interjecting and doesn't interfere with the position the slave is

currently holding. N. A slave can always ask for clarification and understanding. She can ask if the Mistress is ready to receive his comments, but a slave does not ever argue! O. In writing, any reference to a slave is always in the small case, even at the beginning of a sentence. References to persons of respect are always capitalized. The use of "I", "me", and "my" applies to writing, the same as in speech. P. Every question a slave asks regarding the Mistress' intention becomes an order once the Mistress answers and should be followed with “Ma'm, Yes Ma'm, thank You Ma'm.” Q. A slave PRESENTS himself to say with his presence that he has completed all orders, has no need for the Mistress' attention, and is ready for the next order. When all current orders are complete, the slave comes within the Mistress' line of sight, and presents himself. If the Mistress is sitting or lying down, the slave presents himself in the standard way, fully PRESENTED, on his knees. When the Mistress is standing, the slave has the option to PRESENT himself STANDING, but can always fully PRESENT himself whenever that is what feels natural. At this point, a slave may be sent to “his place” to remain until needed. The slave will quietly remain in his place until given an order. If the slave wishes to speak while in “his place” he must say “Mistress” clearly to be heard and await his reply. R. When a slave feels the need for food or drink, the slave always asks his Mistress her need first, then adds, "and Your slave?" A sample behavior would include: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

PRESENTING appropriately, either full or standing Asking "Mistress?" Awaiting acknowledgment Asking "Ma'm, do You wish Your slave to get You some wine Ma'm?" Responding "Ma'm, Yes Ma'm, Thank You Ma'm!"

6. Then adding "and Your slave Ma'm?" 7. Again responding "Ma'm, Yes Ma'm, Thank You Ma'm!"

LOWER MODE OR LEVEL EXAMPLES OF COMMUNICATION: Service Mode - BEHAVIOR 1) Addressing her Master:The slave will address her Master as “Mistress” or “ Ma'm” in this mode.The slave will use—“yes/No, Ma'm “when responding to a question – and “Yes, Ma'm”, when told an order. NOTE: This is different than the “slave mode” where you would say “Yes, Ma'm, Thank your, Ma'm" when responding to an order.

Examples of conversation with his Mistress in this mode:“Ma'm, Your slave is going to the store, Do you wish anything? He hope's to return in about 20 minutes, Ma'm”. If part of a conversation “Do you wish to have a glass of wine, Ma'm?” and “may your slave have a glass of wine, Ma'm” If his Mistress is not engaging the slave in conversation the slave will say “Ma'm” before making a statement to get her attention. - "Ma'm, Do you want a glass of wine, Ma'm.” - If in conversation with his Mistress the first “Ma'm” is not necessary. “Dinner is served, Ma'm” It is never wrong to use “Ma'm” before and after making a statement to his Mistress. 2) Referring to himself: The slave will refer to himself as “this slave” or “your property” at all times in this mode. The slave can also refer to himself as “his” Example: “Ma'm, this slave is doing well on his driving below the speed limit as his Mistress ordered. Your property does not need punished for speeding, Ma'm.” The use of “I” or “mine” or “my” is not permitted. Adopted from bestslavetraining.com

Orgasm control

Not being allowed to cum Cumming and not being allowed to feel it Having your cock teased and kept on the edge of orgasm without the chance of orgasm

These are all good things. Showing her complete surrender of sexual control, and handing it to her is a wonderful thing. Most dominate women would enjoy and find it rather amusing, to allow a slave to bring himself just to the brink of orgasm and then denying him. Dommes who have good houseboys use them as slaves for any & everything. Chastity belts seem to be essential for discipline & authority- it's much easier to control an unsatisfied slave who will work better in order to be allowed relief. A slave should orgasm only when absolutely necessary. He should try his best at all times not to cum. Some slaves are allowed relief [a worship wank...] monthly after completing all his chores [including the garden, the car, the entire house, laying his wage packet in front of his owner for her to have. Even then when he can't hold back anymore it should often be a humiliating situation. He should have to eat his own semen and be punished. A properly chastised slave means meaning daily tease and denial, daily control, this will yield a well behaved slave. Knowing the only way for certain release is to please her, makes him focus more on her wants and needs. If she wishes for you to cum then you will, if she doesn't feel you deserve to cum yet then you'll wait . If the slave continues to stay motivated for his own personal gain then he should wait even longer. Long term denial produces an interesting feeling for many. Most guys use BDSM as foreplay (for that matter, everything is foreplay), then they need their orgasm. There is a distinction between needing an orgasm and wanting one. For the slave; it should feel good to be aroused, and want an orgasm, but if they are true they don't really NEED one to enjoy being a slave. It's kind of like when women say intimacy is good and does not always have to include sex. Eventually the slave will understand what that means. The first couple of days without an orgasm will be a little difficult, but as the days go by, then weeks and even months, they will grow more and more proud of their accomplishment and want to do better. It will show that their intensions are pure, that they want to serve and please and be a quality slave, and are not just motivated by their own orgasm in the end.

Humilation

Many think humiliation is best when used in conjunction with praise. For those not suffering overly so from self-esteem problems, do tend to view praise with some skepticism. Sometimes they have trouble accepting praise, though it is VERY nice to hear. Humiliation, or at least a reprimand here or there, will provide balance to the praise, and may make it easier to accept. As for starting with humiliation right off the bat, maybe it is being used to correct what the Dom/me considers excessive pride or arrogance. All in all, as with all styles or training, every method must be tailored to the individual's needs. Humiliation won't illicit submission from a slave who wants to serve... slaves and submissives want to feel useful. worm boys, sissysluts, dogboys and so on... might need to be humiliated ...to have their useless selves pointed out and their uselessness proved. For most submissives, humiliation is erotic. Humiliation weakens him, and when he is weaker, he has less willpower easier control. the most common submission is him the desire humiliated. Butand foristhe mosttopart it isn'tPerhaps good for him to be weaker,kink andin you don't want to be to be weaker. Humiliating a man lowers his self-esteem and feelings of worth. With less self-esteem and worth This is exactly what the submissive wants, because less willpower means less self control and less ability to resist domination. In short, it can be erotic to the submissive. But the loss of self-esteem and worth is bad. Erotic domination is measured by how excited the man is to obey and be controlled. Lifestyle domination is measured by how much he wants to please his Mistress and make her happy. Those are two different things. But if your knight is submissive, and if you can erotically dominate him while being caring, the lifestyle domination will follow. Unfortunately, many of the tricks for erotic domination work against the lifestyle domination. A recurring issue is how to erotically dominate your knight without undermining your lifestyle domination.

Tease Humiliate & Punish Ideas

Here are some *wonderful* ideas on how to tease, humiliate, punish, and torment your favorite male submissive. Some of these items will work equally well with a female submissive. Have fun!! Newsgroups: alt.sex.femdom,alt.sex.bondage Subject: Femdom List of Ideas (femdom,list,tease,humiliate,punish,CD...) This is a list of ideas and activities for Dominant Women to use on their submissive men. I'm posting this list because I enjoyed compiling it and I hope people will continue to send comments and additions It could be used as a starting point for couples who would like some new ideas... As a basis for various games (a couple rolls of the dice to see where his future lies, spin the wheel... someone mentioned using the daily lottery numbers for determining the 'punishment of the day'...)

List of teases: Tease Your slave to get him to the point where he'll "Do Anything to please You" - Make him strip naked while You keep Your clothes on. - Have him kneel before You and kiss Your feet. - Have him address you as 'Mistress' - Have him kiss Your ass...make him beg to kiss Your ass. - Tie his hands and have him undress you with his mouth/teeth. - Don't let him masturbate or touch his cock without Your permission at any time while he is Your slave. - Tie his hands behind his back. Have him kneel with knees spread naked in front of You while you read or watch TV, occasionally nudging his balls or penis with Your shoes. - Either order him to stay erect, or don't give him permission to have a hard on... either way, punish him if he fails! - Use some strong string (kite string), tie a slip noose in the end and tighten it around the head of the penis, tug on it, pull it shake it, lead him with it, whatever you please. - Show Your slave your panty crotch, make him smell it, but no touching without permission. - Tie your slave spread eagle to the bed and tease him for hours. Make sure he has a big hard on, but once he does only touch it when he needs just a little more encouragement, don't let him cum.

-Put on his favorite lingerie and tease him with Your beauty. -Scratch him with your finger nails. -Tickle him. Pinch his nipples. -Sit on his chest and find out what he would do to be allowed to kiss your nipple. let him almost kiss it but pull away, make him beg. -Take a break, some worn about what elseput you might do. panties over his face and leave the room for a while and let him think -Squat above his face, make him reach with his tongue to taste the crotch of your panties...get more promises -Blindfold him and make him lick you to several orgasms. Take a break, cum back and do it all again. - Rub his face against your pussy or sit on his face, but gag him with your panties or a gag so that he can't lick you. - Tie his balls off to something behind him so he has to tug on them to smell Your panties or kiss your ass...stay just out of reach. - Masturbate in front of him. Use a dildo or a vibrator. - Put the base of the dildo in his mouth and make him satisfy You with it. Do it so his nose presses between Your ass cheeks. He'll be Your little brown noser and love it. - Make him lick the dildo clean. - Tie him down to the bed and tie his hands to his penis but do not give him permission to cum with harsh punishments for disobedience. - Put Your worn panties over his head so he can smell your odor. - Make him wear a cock ring (a watch strap or cat collar works well)

List of Humiliations: Once he'll "Do Anything to please You" here's some ideas that will keep Your slave attentive and in his proper place, and will hopefully be entertaining for You. - Make him wear Your panties or lingerie, dress him up as a little girl or a French maid. - Make him do housework naked or dressed in women's clothes.

- Have him pamper you, have him: - give you a foot/back/full body massage - give you a pedicure/manicure, - paint your finger/toe nails. - bathe you/shave your legs. - cook and serve you a nice dinner. - Make him hand wash your panties and lingerie. - Make him polish your shoes with his tongue. - Make him wear a collar and lead him around with a leash, like a dog. - Attach a leash to his balls or cock ring, and lead him around with that. - Tie it off in front of the sink while he does the dishes. - Ride him around as your pony boy...spurs? a riding crop? - Dress him up like the slut that he is, wear a strap-on dildo and make him beg to suck it. fuck him. (don't forget the fuck-me red lipstick!) - Make him wear Your panties or lingerie under his regular clothes when he goes out or goes to work so that he will think of his Mistress constantly. - Make him masturbate for You, make him beg for permission to cum, don't let him, punish him if he does. - Make him screw himself with a dildo. - Make him earn his rewards; for example: Allow him to kiss your ass after the dishes are done. 1 minute of pleasure for him for 10 minutes of yours. 5 minutes of pleasure for him after he makes you cum 5 times. Spank him 10 times for each minute it takes him to make you cum. - If You think he's earned an orgasm, make him cum on your feet or your ass and then make him lick You clean.

- Order him to bring himself to the edge of orgasm and stay there until you give him permission. When you give the command he must cum within 5 seconds or he will be punished and/or not allowed to cum at all. (keep him that way for 30 minutes, an hour...or as long as you want) - If he's really horny and bothering you, you may want to curb his interest by ordering him to jerk off 5 or 6 times in a row. Use it as skin conditioner... 3 times on each foot, have him spread it around and lick them clean after each time. - Always make him lick you clean after sex. - When You go out, order him to tie himself up, be naked or dressed up as a girl and be kneeling at the door for when You arrive. - Lock a padlock on his balls. - Give him a golden shower. - Make him think of a new way for You to humiliate him. Punish him if you don't think it's good enough. Make him post it to the net (and send it to me to add to the list) List of Punishments: If he's not performing to Your satisfaction, or you just feel the need to assert Your right to punish Your slave. - Spank or whip him. (wooden spoon, hair brush, belt, ruler, ping pong paddle, riding crop, switch, cat-onine tails...) - Tie him in an uncomfortable position. - Tie his ankles together and attach his balls to them. - Hog tied. (wrists and ankles tied together) - Hanging from the ceiling by his wrists. - In a chair with his knees pulled up to his shoulders - good for spanking and everything is exposed and vulnerable. - Tie up his balls and cock with a long leather thong, clothes line, or boot lace. Use a long piece, and wrap the base and balls repeatedly. Do each ball separately. Tie tight loops around his shaft from base to tip then tie the end off back between his legs and up to a belt or to his handcuffs. - Make him wear a chastity belt or cock cage.

- Attach clothes pins or nipple clips to his nipples, balls, cock or wherever. - Put a butt plug in his ass. Or get out the strap-on. - Enema. - Double up on his domestic chores, make them more difficult: tie his hands; make him use a toothbrush to clean the toilet, tie his ankles with a short chain and make him wear extra high heels. - Deny him orgasms for a long period of time. - Have him lick You clean after you pee. - Put Ben-gay or icy-hot on his penis and nipples. - Drip candle wax on him. - Make him do exercises (jumping jacks, leg spreads, squats, aerobics...) - Humiliate him in public...take him shopping for panties/lingerie (check out the public humiliation list for more ideas on this)

Punishment Ideas

Often, when a Dominant makes up a punishment on the fly, a detail or two gets missed. This often results in the punishment being either more or less severe than was intended. One way to limit this is to prepare a list of possible punishments ahead of time. This way the Dominant can take adequate time to think through all the consequences a punishment may have. Once the Dominant is sure they fully understand the dynamics of a specific punishment, they can then decide it if should be added to their list or not. When the need for a punishment presents itself the the possible Dominant can focus using punishment tool to correct behavior rather than having to evaluate effects of theon punishment. This as reduces the likelihood that a punishment will have unintended results. The list itself should include a rating of each punishment's severity, as well as, the specific punishment. The rating scale is rather arbitrary, but a simple 1-10 scale works pretty well. Here is where things get a bit more complicated. There are actually several ways to use a punishment list. The first is to have a list of 10 punishments (or however many you like) each slightly more severe than the last, so that you have one punishment for each level of severity. When used this way the Dominant simply picks the level of severity appropriate to the misbehavior in question. It is a good idea to record the level of severity you assigned to the particular misbehavior so that you can keep consistent. A variation on this first method is to have several punishments for each level. For instance, if you have 10 levels of severity you might have 3 punishments of each level for a total for 30 punishments. Under this system once you assign a level of severity for an infraction, you still have some flexibility to match the punishment with the crime. If you favor this system it is important to make sure that all the punishments listed under a particular level are actually equal in severity. Another way to use punishment lists is to have a list of all level 1 punishments. With this method, you use 1 punishment from the list for level one, 2 punishments from the list for level two and so on. This is a very flexible way to do things and avoids the risks associated with harsher punishments by simply stacking lesser punishments to get to the desired level of severity. Of course, there are many other ways punishment lists can be used. These lists are not intended to straightjacket the Dominant, but rather, they are meant to provide consistency. Consistency is more important than severity when the intent is refining behavior. What follows is a collection of punishment ideas along with a few comments about each of the suggestions. It is my hope this will provide the some creative fuel for Dominants developing their own list of punishments.

* Specific Unpleasant Chore This can include things such as cleaning the stove, cleaning blinds and windows, scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush, detailing a car, etc. The Dominant can make a list of chores and rotate through them to avoid re-cleaning a recently cleaned item. Chores assigned as punishments should not include chores that are part of the submissives normal duties. It is important to distinguish normal chores from '"punishment chores" or the submissive may start to view all chores as punishment

* Sleeping On The Floor (or somewhere other then normal sleep arrangements) This punishment is can be effective for dealing with a submissive that has become too vanilla in manner. Because of social conditioning this punishment tends to stress the position of the submissive relative to the Dominant. * Standing In A Corner This is an old standard. It gives the submissive time to think about the infraction. The length of time can vary from few minutes to an hour or more. It is suggested that the Dominant try this punishment for themselves, to get a sense of how difficult this punishment may or may not be for the length of time in question. * A Fixed Number Of Strikes From A Designated Punishment Toy If you are going to use striking as a punishment it is critical to differentiate punishment from play. To this end, it is worthwhile to separate punishment toys from play toys to keep the line between punishment and play clearly defined. Punishment of this type should not include a warm up and, it should be harsher and of much shorter duration than play. I would suggest using no more than three strikes; as drawing punishment out into more strikes can make punishment overly similar to rough play. Because there is a practical limit to the severity of this type of physical punishment, it is best used for minor to moderate infractions. Lastly, the Dominant should attempt to deliver this type of punishment with the same level of firmness each time it is used; do not let anger influence the firmness of the strikes. * Writing Assignments Of Some Specific Length This punishment is helpful when the Dominant wants the submissive to think about or research a subject. It is recommended that this punishment be used intermittently rather then regularly to keep the act of writing from taking on a negative connotation. * Kneeling On A Hard Surface This is a very classic punishment that combines giving the submissive time to think about the infraction with mild physical discomfort. If the length of time to kneel will exceed 20 minutes it is recommended

that a full 5 minute break be given after every 20 minutes. Kneeling for too long on a hard surface can cause nerve damage. It is also good to keep in mind that some submissives may not be able to kneel 20 minutes because of physical considerations. It may be that some submissives need to do cycles of 10 minutes of kneeling and 5 minutes of rest. * Kneeling On Uncooked Rice Kneeling on a hard surface can be made more severe by dropping a handful of uncooked rice on the floor wheretothe submissive is going Once time period submissive be instructed clean up the rice as parttoofkneel. bringing thethe punishment toisa done close.the This is anothercan punishment where is suggested the Dominant try it for themselves to get a feel of the punishment. The same cautions and time limits apply to this as when kneeling without the rice. The Dominant should also be aware that the rice sometimes causes marking of the skin. Lastly, do not use instant rice as it crumbles and defeats the purpose of using rice. * Food Restrictions Obviously some common sense is required with using food restrictions a punishment. Being sent to bed without dinner is a certainly not going to cause a healthy individual any harm. However, denying a diabetic food after they took their insulin could result in death. One suggested way to use food restrictions is to deny the submissive sweets for a period of time (days/weeks) as a punishment. * Restriction Of Computer, TV Privileges, Etc. Restriction of recreational access to things such as the computer or TV can be useful motivators when they can be enforced. The restriction can be total, where the submissive is not allowed any access to the items, or it can be limited to a certain amount of time. There is a wide range of options under this heading. * Cold Shower A brief cold shower can be used as a rather impressive punishment. There are several points to keep in mind when using this as a punishment. First, tap water varies in temperature depending on the time of year. A small difference in temperature makes a huge difference in the severity of the punishment. Next, it is important to define what is meant by "short". Less then 5 minutes is generally quite safe for any fit person; however, 30 seconds can be quite attention getting. This is another 'try it before you use' it type of punishment. * Send The Submissive To A Room By Themselves This one generally speaks for itself. It gives time for calming down and for reflecting. This is often a good choice when the Dom wants to avoid adding stress to a situation.

* Grounding Being restricted to home can be a relatively effective and low stress punishment. External factors greatly affect the harshness of being restricted to home. This means that the same punishment is more or less severe depending on what else is going on in the submissive's life at the time. Being restricted when one has already bought tickets to a concert is more significant then being restricted when one has no plans.

* Speech Restrictions Speech restrictions can range from requiring the submissive to speak in third person to requiring the submissive to not speak at all for a period of time. When silence is used as a punishment it is helpful to have the submissive carry around a notebook and pen so they can convey necessary information. Requiring a submissive to speak in third person is an effective way to make the submissive aware of selfcentered behavior. Many times a submissive may not be aware of how just often they refer to their own opinions and desires in casual speech. * Public Apology Apologizing in a public forum stresses humility. The Dominant must carefully consider the reaction of those who are going to hear the apology. * Financial Penalties - Allowance Restrictions If the Dominant controls the finances in the relationship restricting spending money can be used as a punishment. This is same as a parent withholding allowance and generally works best over shorter terms such as a week to a month. When it becomes longer then a month the punishment starts to become the norm. * Lecture A good old-fashioned lecture can be an effective punishment. The lecture should include what specifically was wrong with the submissive's behavior and why it was wrong. The lecture should also include what the submissive should have done under the circumstance and why. If the submissive is required to maintain a physically stressful position during the lecture (such as kneeling) then the Dominant must also keep in mind cautions associated with the physical position such as time limits. * Dominant Expressing Anger

As odd as it may sound to some, the simple expression that the Dominant is angry at the submissive often carries a fair amount of punishment value. However, a fair number of submissives are inclined to view criticism and/or the expression of anger as an indication that the Dominant does not care about

them. This can be nightmare of a problem and it is one that Dominants should always keep in mind. It is my hope that at the very least this writing has provided some thoughts for consideration on the topic of discipline as it applies to a D/s relationship.

Shock Collar

The idea is that it would be beneficial in behavior modification training. Advantages of the shock collar include; 

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The fear of electricity gives you and the shock collar a greater psychological advantage. The time span between the infraction and negative reinforcement is reduced to the shortest possible time making the shock collar extremely effective for behavior modification and conditioning. The ability to administer negative reinforcement (shocks) using a remote thus not requiring you to be near the slave physically. The ability to summon your slave using the remote signaling tone available on many shock collar models.

The fear and anticipation of getting the shock is much worse than the shock. It's somewhat like a static discharge when you went across nylon carpet and the like. It feels the same way, just a little stronger. Comparison: Nylon carpet @ 50% relative humidity = 2.5 Kv Electronic training collar = 5.0 Kv Nylon carpet @ 20% relative humidity = 9.0 Kv Electric Fence = 20 Kv Cattle Prod (low) = 23 Kv Cattle Prod (high) = 27 Kv Defibrillator = 75 Kv Stun Gun = 100 Kv

Setting 1 is a little more than a pinprick. Setting 5 is an intense sensation, could best be described as a hot crop swat except the pain doesn't linger. The initial pain is longer, like 1 sec, but fades completely in about 5-10 seconds. It can almost take someone off their feet. Most would not be able to bring themselves to try setting 8. One note though, this causes a muscle spasm and could cause some serious injuries if it was used on somebody when bound. Torn muscles ect........settings are also exponential ie 2 is twice 1, but 3 is 4 times 1, 4 is 8 times 1 so on and so on until 8 is 128 times 1. Now placement is what you need to consider. How the anatomy and physiology of the human neck and the neck of a dog are different. The dog has more muscle and thereby is less likely to stimulate the Vagus Nerve (this nerve wanders from the brain stem through organs) and make them Code-out.

The concern for electrical play above the waste is mostly that some current could pass through the heart and throw it off rhythm or even stop it. Frequencies between 20 Hz and 100 Hz are especially dangerous. The voltage and current are a deciding factor. In this case it's the current and frequency what remain a bit unknown and are of concern. Problem is that you MUST use tightly controlled currents. At 10 ma there is minimal sensation, above 100ma there is risk of fibrillation. If you use VOLTAGE sources (such as batteries) without current control, it is a real risk. Skin resistance can vary 10,000:1 depending on various conditions. Since current = voltage/ resistance you can see this is a problem. A 9V battery of good quality can supply 500ma for short periods, good AA can supply 1000ma (1Amp). Brief electrical pulses will not cause permanent harm to the heart, problem is that it can upset the rhythm. If the rhythm is fibrillation, you have about 2 minutes before heart damage begins and about 4 minutes before brain damage. If you take more than 2 minutes, the heart will become harder to defibrillate. One option, buy one of the home defibrillators now available. They are a touch expensive if you never use it, very cheap if you do need it (remember, heart damage in 2 minutes, brain damage in 4 minutes). It takes about 30 minutes for a layman to learn to work. It only works on fibrillation and not other bad rhythms (which can also be fatal but usually have a longer time). Now I have a *real* defibrillator and a wife who knows ACLS so we can deal with fancy stuff a bit better but I still have great respect for transcardiac current. The other think to worry about in devices that control current is what is the likelihood of a failure that results in current too high. Standards for devices that are used in medical settings are extremely high. They make mil-spec look sloppy. Now all this assumes no heart disease and no cardiovascular disease (most research is in monkeys or pigs). Add this in, and all bets are off. Males over age 45 – 50 and NO family history and no bad habits like past cocaine use (even once) or major smoking history begin to see some risk. Add in family history can push this down to about 35 years old. Females get about 5 – 10 years added on (however their smaller bodies mean currents must be lower). Actually, what a defibrillator does is send an immense shock. This resets every cell in the heart. Problem with lower currents is some get reset and some do not. This can result in a complete disorganized rhythm that pumps NO blood. Do not think you can cheaply supply some other source of high current. Even with a well controlled defibrillator pulse, there is some tissue damage (although not much per pulse). Other sources powerful enough to defibrillate can result in massive burn trauma. Yes, you can read anecdotal reports of people getting shocked and that restarts the heart but this is a 1:10,000 event, most are severely injured or die (emphasis on die). You may have seen a violet wand. This has a degree of safety (not safe, just safer). It uses highfrequency current and this can result in what is called "skin effect" where the current tends to reside

along the outer skin of a conductor (your body). Electrical play unless you really understand what you are doing is like playing Russian Roulette. Risks of using this device on the throat include: Seizures Spasm of the vocal cords Fainting (by vagal nerve stimulation) And myocardial fibrillation (if the subject wears a pacemaker) Burns can also result, regardless of placement. The ideal location for a unmodified remote-controlled dog-shock collar is the thigh. It will fit there in most cases, and there are no vital organs in the vicinity. The pain will certainly grab someone's attention, no matter where you place it. And if it causes a mild stumble while walking, so much the better!

Slave Training with a Shock Collar

(see the notes shown below this article before considering the use of a shocking device) Proper selection of a shock collar for slave training, from among the many brands available on the market, is of paramount importance. Some brands and models will not work for training a slave because of the way they are designed. Serious injury to your slave's delicate neck could result. Models and designs that fall into this dangerous category are ones that have shock prongs (the two metal electrodes that deliver the shock) that stick out like long sharp vampire teeth and cannot be properly modified to accommodate the slave's neck. Remember these collars were designed for dogs which have a protective coat of fur which of course your slave does not have. It is important to be mindful of this when selecting a shock collar. Important guidelines to follow when selecting a shock collar that will be used for training your slave include. The unit has shock prongs that can be properly modified to accommodate your slave's neck. The collar is a high-powered unit designed for big dogs.

The shock collar is waterproof. The shock collar can deliver both momentary shocks and continuous shocks by pressing the appropriate button on the remote. The shock collar unit has adjustable shock levels that can be controlled from the remote. The unit is equipped with a signaling tone. Below are three diagrams of shock collar units. Diagram one represents a type of unit that cannot be safely modified for slave training. In this type of unit the collar often goes around the outside of the shock module. The blue line in the diagram represents what I call the contact plane of the collar. The contact plane represents the contact surface of the collar if it was to lay flat across the slave's neck. In diagram one the electrodes and housing of the shock module extend beyond the contact plane (blue line) of the collar making it impossible to lay flat upon the slave's neck in any sort of safe comfortable manner. Therefore shock collars similar in design to diagram one should be avoided. Diagram #1

Diagram two represents a different design of shock collar. The collar is held on to the shock module by the shock electrodes (in red) themselves. The shock electrodes are usually threaded studs that go through holes in the collar and thread into the shock module. Plastic spacers (in blue) are usually used to hold the collar firmly in place. In its current unaltered state the electrodes still extend too far past the collars contact surface plane but once modified this shock collar design can be safely used for slave training. Diagram #2

Now we will modify the shock collar so that it can be safely used for slave training. The first step is to unthread and remove the electrodes represented in red in diagram two. Next remove the plastic spacers that hold the collar firmly to the shock module represented in blue in diagram two. Next remove the collar from the shock module. Next use a rectangular piece of foam to take the place of the srcinal plastic spacers. Foam from a blue camping mat or other similar material can be used. This is represented by the blue in diagram three. Make sure the foam is the proper thickness. After placing the blue foam as a spacer put the collar back on the module. Next get some flat metal washers represented in green in diagram three. Make sure the washers are not so big that they touch each other. This would cause the negative and positive poles of the shock module too short out. The next step is to thread in Flathead Phillips machine screws, represented in red on diagram three, that have threads that match the threads of the srcinal electrode studs. Now you have a shock collar with a much lower profile. The machine screws represented in red in diagram three will now act as the electrodes.

Diagram #3

You need to test the collar by putting it on your neck first before putting it on your slave, yes you heard me right. The reason is that on the adjustable shock level collars you have no idea how strong or weak the shock really is until you test it. Don't test it on your arm or leg because you will not get a real sense of how strong the shocks really are. Test it on your neck because the neck is much more sensitive and

that is where the slave is going to have it. Put the collar on well enough for the shock electrodes to touch your neck. Set the level on the remote to the lowest setting first. Start walking around and suddenly press the quick shock button. Was the shock strong enough that it jolted you to attention and broke your train of thought? That’s the level you want. If you said to yourself, "How wimpy I can take that" it's not set high enough. Move the setting up a level or two and test again. You also don't want to set it too high. You are looking for a balance between too low and too high. This will become the shock level for training. After you have the training shock level figured out you can fine tune it once it's on your slave by going up or down one setting. The higher shock levels should be used for punishment and stopping recalcitrant behavior. You should have a collar that has both Quick shock (momentary) and Continuous shock modes. Quick shocks are used in training and Continuous shocks are used when your slave tests your resolve or for punishment. An important aspect to using a shock collar is to be very disciplined when administering shocks. Don’t use the shock collar to inflict pain upon your slave just because it gives you the power to do so. Overusing or abusing the shock collar will destroy its effectiveness in the slave training process. You need the slave to trust your training ability and proper discipline when using the shock collar becomes a major focal point of this trust. It is now time to fit the collar to the slave. Put the collar around her neck and fasten it loose enough where you can move the shock module around her neck easily. Get a feeling for where and how the module would lay on her neck. I prefer having the module on the front because it is not in the way of her pillow when she lies down in bed on her side. This may not be possible depending on her larynx and neck shape. Having the module on the side is the next best option and she will just have to get used to it. Don't have the module on the back of the neck as it will interfere with neck movement because of the bones back there. With your hand hold the module against her neck were you plan to have her wear it. Next fasten the collar on your slave. You only need the collar tight enough so that the flathead machine screw electrodes are always touching her neck no matter how she moves her head. You may find that the increments of the collar's holes aren't quite right. In one hole it is too loose and in the next hole the collar is too tight and digging in. You will either have to punch a new hole or get a different collar that the shock module will fit on. Stay away from leather because he is going to be wearing the collar 24/7 during the initial training process and this includes wearing it in the shower. Leather doesn't do well in water. All higher end shock collars are water proof. Have him wear the collar for 30 minutes to an hour then take it off and check his neck for abrasion marks. If it is abrading it may be too loose and slipping around or too tight and digging in. Also check the area of his neck where the electrodes are contacting, make sure they are not digging in. The electrodes only need to touch. If he complains about the collar check his neck to make sure the collar isn't tearing his neck up. If everything seems fine have him wear the collar the rest of the day and check his neck again before bed. Then have him wear the collar overnight and take a shower in the morning while still wearing it. Check him neck one more time. Don’t be lax about this test period for the collar because he is going to be wearing it possibly a month or longer without ever taking it off. After the training period you don't want to take off the shock collar and find out his neck got all scarred up.

If his neck looks fine the next day it is now time to create a lock setup for the collar. The simplest way is to get a zip-tie and run it through two holes and across the tail end of the buckle and cinch it down. If you want a more elaborate setup take the collar off your slave and fasten the buckle in the same hole as it is worn on the slave. Take a leather punch and make a hole about an inch away from the buckle on the tail side of it. The punch will be passing through the collar material twice. Put the collar back on the slave while placing a flat based pin through the punched holes. Put a small luggage lock through the pin. Now that the collar is fitted and locked on the slave you are ready to explain the rules and punishments to your slave. You also need to tell him that you may punish him in a manner that doesn't involve using the collar. You should already have your rules and slave modes worked out by this point. What you need to do is assign punishments to the rules and post them on the wall. Here are some general guidelines. 

Start your slaves training in the lowest mode first (usually called slave mode) until she has that mode completely down pat.

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The punishment should fit the crime.

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Deliberate disobedience should always have a much harsher penalty than unintentional goof-ups.

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The quick shocks should be used for training. Continuous shocks should be used for recalcitrant behavior and punishment. If your slave becomes recalcitrant use a continuous shock until proper behavior is elicited. Continuing the shock past the point where proper behavior is elicited is counter productive. Punishment shocks should have a set interval of time like 5-10 seconds. To get the correct shock interval count in your head or out loud while holding the button down. Always state the correct behavior you want during or after applying the shock so there is no confusion about why she is being shocked. Let's say during training she forgot to keep his eyes down. You would press the quick shock button while saying, "eyes down". When your slave has been doing a good job genuinely express how pleased you are with him. Being cold, stoic, or overly calculating is counterproductive. You want her to develop strong reverent bonding feelings for you as Mistress. Train him for one group of behaviors until she has them down before adding others.

Keep your cool and be patient, training is a time consuming process. Don't inform your slave about the lifespan of the battery charge on the collar. Plug the charger into the collar at night or during other slave downtime. If possible charge the collar while it's still on your slave. Don't inform your slave where the top end of the shock level is. You want to keep that a mystery in his mind. Have a rule that your slave is not allowed to touch our handle the remote without explicit permission and will be punished if he does so. During the initial excitement of the training your slave will probably be quite obedient. Once this initial excitement wears off and he sees that slavery is quite mundane get ready for her to test your resolve and the collar's shock ability. Your slave will most likely test your resolve within the first week of training. A few days into the initial training my slave decided to test my resolve. The first time my slave started being obstinate the shock came as quite a surprise as I turned the level up quite high and held the continuous shock button. At first he angrily tried to pull the collar off. When that didn't work he tried to act tough and bear it. Trying to hold out was pointlessly futile of him and within moments he broke down crying at which point I heard him say, "Mistress please stop I'll do what you want". At that point I released the button. It is important to stop the shock the moment proper behavior is elicited. I knew that he reached what I call the "turning-point" which is a nice euphemism for the point I psychologically broke him. I then had him apologize to me for his poor behavior. I then cuddled her for awhile which I feel is a good idea because this is a major point where he will bond with you and he needs reassurance that slavery was the right choice. After awhile I told him to go do what he was suppose to do. He went and did him chores without hesitation. It is at this point I owned him both physically and psychologically. Having a signaling tone on your shock collar makes it much easier to manage and handle your slave. This feature is so important that I don't recommend getting a shock collar without a signaling tone. The signal tone is activated by pressing a button on the remote. The tone emits from the shock module on your slave's collar. My slave is trained to stop whatever he is doing when he hears the tone. In my opinion using a shock collar is the fastest and most reliable way to condition and train a male slave for 24/7 service. I believe using a shock collar dramatically cuts down the overall training time because of its quick and reliable negative reinforcement. Don't forget it is also important to have positive reinforcers that reward your slave for proper behavior. Always keep safety in mind whenever implementing training techniques. Remember your male slave is your most valuable property. Just as you would not want to damage your television or automobile you don’t want to injure your male slave. If your slave is truly your most valuable property, as Mistress, you would give up your car or house before giving up or purposely injuring your male slave. Since time is the stuff life is made of, it is the

most valuable resource we have. Your slave is literally giving his most valuable resource, his life, in complete devotion to his Mistress. NOTE: USE any electrical shocking device, including a shock collar, AT YOUR OWN RISK -- You are responsible to insure it is used safely and before using it, you should find more information than is provided in this article. This article only shows a method that is sometimes used in training by an experienced trainer. I would NOT recommend you attempt this without full knowledge of the shock collar's electrical output and its affect on a human in the short and long run. You use this method at your own risk and the risk of your slave. It is obvious that different people will react differently both emotionally and physically to a shock collar. There are many health considerations that should be considered before using a shock collar and they are not discussed within this article. It is your responsibility to explore the subject more fully before considering its use. The choice is yours if you use one on your slave and the affects of its use on her is your responsibility. One other note: I have noted that there are at least two other different types of shock collars. One for large dogs and one for small dogs. The large dog collars have a higher output and probably should cause you to be more cautious than the small dog ones, but that is a guess on my part. I am not advocating the use of any shocking device.

Why Goddess Worship? Because it all truly begins with adoration. Because if a man truly adores a woman down to his core there isn’t anything he won’t do for her IF that woman understands the psychological keys in drawing this out in him. This is why female domination is said to be an art. Teasing and denial, done properly is a major factor in this. Men today don’t get enough opportunities to be challenged and although this isn’t all of it, it’s a large part of it. Still, the woman needs to maintain a level of respect by administering proper control and appreciation for his adoration and sacrifices. I don’t believe that it needs to involve physical pain but when you think about it, what is the worse pain of all? Denial. So rather then be denied or ignored he will glad suffer under her hand. I might punish someone not because I am a sadist, I am not, but because it proves sincerity and worthiness. “It’s now time for you to accept your punishment like a real man. Show me that you are truly worthy of my time.” The male has been offered a challenge and a chance to prove himself. You mix that with elements of erotica, passion and control. IMO these are the true secrets of female domination. A good 80% of the male population will clearly be more submissive or “motivated” if they are horny. Still there is that other 20% or less that are rare and purely motivated by adoration and devotion. In other words they truly do exist to please. When one is motivated the world is can be a much more interesting place. When she is truly in control is when the actually dynamic of dominance and submission takes place. Outside of that it’s just a game, role-play and that doesn’t really interest the true dominate so much. Lifestyle dominants are people of power and authority who are consistently able to control their own and their submissives’ lives. They find such power deeply fulfilling, seeing themselves as protectors, instructors, and even “parents” to their submissives. This reflects their strong sense of personal responsibility. Lifestyle submissives often experience a lack of fulfillment in the absence of a caring dominant in their lives. They have a fundamental desire for control shown through discipline, rewards, and punishments. They often feel control as a confirmation of love and commitment.