That Three Lettered Word

THAT THREE LETTERED WORD Author: homunculus5390 (formerly known as homonculi5390) Written: March 29, 2010 Copyright © 2010 by iel

All rights reserved. Please do not sell or redistribute without permission.

CHAPTER 1 Summer flings. They’re short, sometimes unavoidable, but mostly a distortion of the truth. She knew that, but she wasn’t entirely sure if her friends knew better than to involve themselves in such a scandalous event. She hadn’t said anything about her lingering thoughts regarding their upcoming trip, but she guessed that her actions screamed of the matter more than she could actually permit to escape from her own mouth. Indeed, she was right.

“Taeng, you okay?”

The last-minute grocery shopping before a summer trip was supposed to be exciting and the adrenaline rush should have been enough to push her toward the aisles at the speed of light, allowing her to grab everything she could before dumping them into her cart. Sadly, the anxiety far outweighed every other emotion she could produce at the time. She nodded at the girl who asked about her state and let out a slight smile. Then both of them went on with their stroll over to the other side of the aisle.

“I wonder where the others are.”

She was wondering the same thing. While keeping her eyes open for her friends, a few thoughts started to run and the cold handles under her palms as she pushed the still empty cart was making her long for the beach and the warm, white sand, the swaying breeze and the water lapping at the shore. Unconsciously, she closed her eyes to image the breathtaking scene. Not too long after, she heard a crash.

“Woah! Taeng, what are you doing?!” “I’m sorry! I didn’t—” “Owww…”

She quickly picked up the bags of chips and rolled the cart over to the side to avoid further inconveniencing the other shoppers. She bit her lip in regret and sighed.

“Fany, I’m sorry. Are you okay?” she said after dumping the bags of chips into the cart. Out went the familiar eye-smile. “Don’t worry TaeTae. I’m not hurting anywhere.”

She never could get enough of that charm-filled gesture and would always find herself clearing her throat, struggling to respond with what little words she was left with.

A raised eyebrow met the eye-smile. “You could’ve dodged it, you know?” “Well, sorry Jessi. I don’t actually think about being rammed with a cart for every second that I’m conscious,” Tiffany scoffed.

Staring back and forth at the two, Taeyeon decided to let out a cough followed by a smile. “Guys, break it up. Let’s just get the shopping over with so we can all go home, okay? I know everyone’s tired from exams.”

Jessica let her folded arms fall to her sides and then patted Tiffany’s back. “I didn’t mean it like that, Tiff. It’s just that it could’ve been easily avoided, you know?” “Yeah, but…” Tiffany shrugged. “Wait a minute! I’m the victim here! Why aren’t you getting mad at TaeTae instead?” She turned to their expressionless friend while pursing her lips.

Taeyeon gripped the edge of her shirt and nodded. “I’m really sorry. I promise to make it up to you. I’ll pay for your shopping, too. Is that okay?” she bargained, trying hard not to look away from Tiffany’s slightly watery eyes. She knew she caused that pain and that no amount of money could compensate for it, but she asked herself what else she could have done and immediately gave up the act of self-pity.

Out went another eye-smile with that matching rising of the shoulders. “Yey! That seems pretty fair.” “How convenient.” Jessica shook her head as she turned to Taeyeon, widening her eyes to signal that her friend had just made an unreasonable offer. “Can you even pay for your own shopping, Taeng?”

“I haven’t bought anything yet, see?” Taeyeon pointed to the cart, which only contained Tiffany’s bags of chips. “Anyway, let’s just get going. I bet Yuri and the others are almost done.” She grabbed hold of the cart’s handles again and started walking. Tiffany and Jessica followed closely behind.

Aisle after aisle, row after row. The cart was filled up fast as Tiffany grabbed one of every product available on the shelves. Jessica was secretly rubbing her temples in worry while Taeyeon was left with no choice but to silently hope that her wallet would be able to take the blow.

“Danshin buddy!”

A familiar squeak came from behind the trio followed by a massive crashing of bodies as a few companions pulled them into a big hug, disturbing the other shoppers and then causing a ruckus.

“Ack! Sunny-ah!!” Taeyeon struggled, her hands still wrapped around the handles of the cart while her small frame was seized tighter by equally small arms.

The sudden outburst of laughter was inevitable after Jessica knocked over an entire stall of candy bars in an attempt to escape from a combined aegyo attack from her newly-arrived friends. She stood there dumbfounded as the other shoppers stared at her mess while some scowled at the juvenile behavior the group was exhibiting.

“Good thing this isn’t a break-it-you-buy-it section.”

A toothy grin became the sole response to the nosy shoppers who left after shaking their heads one last time at the troublesome group. Taeyeon sighed and finally got Sunny to let go of her while Tiffany turned away, covering her mouth to suppress the ongoing laughter.

“Hey princess, cheer up!” another smiling figure nudged Jessica to knock some sense into her. “Hello?” “Yeah, yeah. I heard you, Hyo.” Jessica tucked her hair behind her ears, straightened her shirt and diverted her eyes from her friends’. “What?” she frowned after noticing that they were still staring her down.

Tiffany cleared her throat after no response was gained from the rest of the group other than that visibly childish toothy grin from the one who cleared up Jessica’s mess. She still felt like laughing and leaned closer to Taeyeon, letting the sides of their heads touch while she giggled, instead of covering her mouth.

“Kwon Yuri! Stop looking at me like that!” Jessica whined, stomping her feet. She almost knocked over another display.

Sunny and Hyoyeon giggled as Yuri continued to tease the angered Jessica with her mocking grin. Taeyeon had already forgotten about the situation the moment Tiffany started whispering a few held back laughs into her ear while trying not to let Jessica see.

“I said stop it!” Yuri had just finished stacking the chocolate bars back on the shelf. “Why should I?” “Ugh!” Jessica released a big breath and then stormed off past her friends, toward another aisle with her arms folded across her chest.

The giggling did not stop, but Yuri’s smile had turned crooked. She glanced at Taeyeon who then looked like she had no interest in the matter whatsoever. Yuri did not expect less. “I’ll see you guys later. I better run after her.”

They watched Yuri leave and then turned their attention back to each other with smiles plastered on their faces

“She’s obviously pissed. What’s the matter with her anyway?” Sunny said, making it obvious that she was pertaining to Jessica by lowering her voice. They all had a habit of being discreet when it came to the said friend due to their fears of facing her wrath or the most common case: a deadly glare.

Taeyeon began to push the cart with one hand while the other was in Tiffany’s grip. Fortunately for her, Tiffany chose relatively light snacks or else she would not have been able to move the cart as far as an inch. “Leave her alone for now. All of us know that she doesn’t respond well to jokes, right? Yuri was sorta pushing it if you ask me. I know she was only waiting for that ‘thank you’ from Jessica anyway.” She laughed.

“But are you sure she’s okay, TaeTae?” Sunny asked while poking Taeyeon’s back with two fingers, one from each hand.

“I’m the only one who’s allowed to call her that, Sunny-ah!” Tiffany pouted, turning her head slightly to face Sunny who was directly behind them.

“Careful. You might get shoved into a locker again, shorty.” Hyoyeon snickered after seeing another side of Tiffany’s, one that was almost identical to that of Jessica’s.

“That was in fourth grade!” Tiffany defended with a puff of air escaping her nose. “Why is everyone making me look like the bad guy? TaeTae…”

Taeyeon smiled to herself after she heard that distinct possessive tone come straight out of Tiffany’s mouth. Conversely, she frowned when she felt that Sunny was giving her a cheeky smile coupled with those bright eyes that always seemed to highlight her moments of ‘spazzing,’ for lack of a better term.

“Hmm… You don’t like sharing me, Ti-ppany?” Taeyeon added to the teasing in hopes of seeing Tiffany pout more. It was truly an enjoyable sight.

Gripping Taeyeon’s hand tighter, Tiffany began to take bigger steps forward, forcing Taeyeon to walk faster and push the cart harder in response. Sunny and Hyoyeon stared at each other in amusement.

“I was just kidding!” Taeyeon explained as she struggled to keep the cart moving in a straight line. Tiffany did not look like she was listening. “Hey! Seriously, we’re going to bump into people if we keep going like this.” She turned to Tiffany and frowned. As a response, she instantly felt her fingers crack from the pressure. Ouch, she thought.

And then out went yet another eye-smile. “You can pay now, TaeTae. You’re in a hurry, right?”

They were already at the counter and Taeyeon took a few more seconds to realize it. She thought Tiffany was actually upset and she guessed that that was what clouded her mind. She sighed in relief.

“Uhh… People are staring,” Tiffany whispered. Taeyeon grinned. “Don’t mind them. I’m sorry Fany-ah.”

They both unloaded the cart and Taeyeon actually felt like kneeling down and praising the gods for letting her have enough money in her wallet to pay for everything. There was bound to be a down side though, but she just couldn’t pin-point what it was exactly. They exited the grocery store.

“Guys!!” yelled the tallest in the group who was surprisingly empty-handed.

“You didn’t buy anything?!” Sunny and Hyoyeon replied with widened eyes, almost in unison. The tallest laughed.

Taeyeon was holding all of Tiffany’s grocery bags and could only nod and smile to greet the rest of their friends. “Seohyun, mission accomplished?” she winked. With a cute little salute and two grocery bags in her other hand, the youngest replied, “Yes unnie. We still have a lot of money left.” “Hyunnie… Have mercy! Let me buy some dumplings,” a sulking figure begged. Seohyun smiled slightly. “Uh… Ahh… Yoona unnie, please don’t tug on my shirt.” “Aw, poor Yoong.” Tiffany pursed her lips. “Why won’t you let her eat, TaeTae?” Taeyeon’s mouth flew open. “It wasn’t me! Yuri was the one who arranged all of this. That sadist!” The tallest grabbed hold of the bags Taeyeon was holding and quickly retreated to the other side of the street. “Thank you!” “Sooyoung, you—” Taeyeon unlinked her arm from Tiffany’s and followed suit.

The rest of the group laughed as the two played tag. Yuri and Jessica had just emerged from inside the grocery store, hand-in-hand.

“What’s going on?” Yuri asked, scratching her head with her free hand. Yoona’s eyes lit up. “Unnie! Please let me eat!” Jessica shook her head in annoyance as she turned to Yuri. This time, it looked like she was even angrier. “You idiot! I can understand not letting Sooyoung buy food, but why would you let Yoona suffer like this? This is no way to treat your juniors, you understand?”

Seohyun quietly handed Yuri the small pouch containing the remaining bills and then patted Yoona’s back to comfort her. “Are you sure this is okay, unnie?” she asked Yuri. Yuri sighed. “Look, this is the club’s money. I’m risking a lot – expulsion, to be specific – just by bringing the money outside the school! We can’t possibly spend it all. And Yoong, stop overreacting. I know you at least had something to eat while we were gone. I can smell your breath.” After a little whimper, Yoona straightened up and giggled. “I’m sorry, unnie. I was just joking.” “Good.” Yuri returned the smile and then shot Jessica an ‘I told you so’ glare. The latter didn’t seem too pleased and rolled her eyes.

“Yaaaaah!! Give those back! They’re Ti-ppany’s!!”

From across the street, the rest of the group could still hear Taeyeon fighting for the grocery bags despite the huge discrepancy in height between her and Sooyoung. Everyone turned to Tiffany and silently teased her with their eyes.

Pretending not to notice the pairs of eyes glued to her, Tiffany sighed. “I think I better stop those two. TaeTae doesn’t stand a chance.”

She hurriedly crossed the street after seeing the other vehicles slow down to make way for her. She gave a wide smile and mouthed a ‘thank you.’ Taeyeon had already given up and was then leaning on a shop window while Sooyoung stuck her tongue out in victory.

“Sooyoungie~” Tiffany purred, trying to see if her charms worked on the tallest like they easily do on Taeyeon. “Please give the bags back.” A smirk formed on Sooyoung’s face followed by a glare directed at Taeyeon. “See? This is what I’m talking about. You should ask politely, too, Taeyeon,” she said with that condescending tone. “You used to call me unnie, you know?” Taeyeon stood up straight and finally got a hold of Tiffany’s bags again after Sooyoung handed them over. “Sorry. It’s just that you’re way down there.” Sooyoung emphasized the distance between the top of her head and Taeyeon’s. Tiffany pouted. “Sooyoung, don’t be like that.” Sooyoung could feel her fingers and toes curling up. “Mmmnnn… That is just so—” she replied, barely having enough strength to finish the sentence. “You’re just too good!” Tiffany didn’t hesitate to agree. “I know. Anyway, let’s get back to the others. It’s getting late.” She offered to carry the bags instead, but Taeyeon gently denied her the opportunity. “But—” Taeyeon smiled. “No it’s okay, really.”

Just like that, she forgot about the disrespectful dongsaeng and found herself walking Tiffany home after bidding farewell to the rest of the group. She had always warned herself about having some form of temporary amnesia and considered it a joke until she realized that it was actually happening more and more often. How am I going to survive this summer? She thought.

“Which do you like better? The gummy worms or the gummy bears?” “Both,” Taeyeon replied. They were already at Tiffany’s front porch and she was still holding on to the bags, not wanting to let go because doing so would mean goodbye. “Why?” Tiffany tilted her head and then bit her lower lip. “Because I didn’t know which one to get awhile back. It’s a good thing I got both then. Come earlier to the station tomorrow, okay? Let’s eat them together.”

That was when the ‘down side’ reared its ugly head. Taeyeon would have agreed to the offer if it weren’t for the emptiness her wallet was experiencing. The only way to get to the station Tiffany was referring to was to take a bus or – as she dreaded now that she had no money left to spare – walking. She smiled nonetheless.

“I’ll try.” “Aw, don’t be like that. Don’t try. Do.” “You make it sound so easy. I still have to wake up early, you know? And then cook breakfast for mom and dad and clean and then take over oppa’s chores. Do I still have to go on with the long list?” Tiffany laughed as she easily grabbed her grocery bags from Taeyeon’s clutches. “Well, that’s your fault, isn’t it? You’re the one who agreed to their conditions just so you could go to the beach with us. Or are you regretting that decision now?” she finished with a pout. “No, no. It’s not that!” went the immediate denial. Taeyeon frantically waved her hands in front of her to show that she didn’t mean to sound like she was regretting. “I’m kidding. You’re so jumpy today!” Tiffany lightly poked Taeyeon’s forehead. “Silly.”

The streetlights had just lit up. One by one, they filled the neighborhood streets and left the two girls in partial brightness with their shadows stretching behind them, side by side. Other than the loss of the grocery bags, Taeyeon knew of another signal for goodbye.

“I better get going. It’s gonna get darker soon. I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night.” “Don’t push yourself.” “Sorry?” Taeyeon leaned closer with her ears perked to try and catch what Tiffany had just said. “I said good night.”

With one last charm-filled eye-smile from Tiffany to last her the night, Taeyeon settled for the abrupt goodbye. It took her quite long to realize that she was waiting at the bus stop for nothing when she pulled her wallet out to get some bills and found that there weren’t any. There it was again: some kind of temporary amnesia. She no longer found it funny and was then considering visiting a doctor. What the hell is happening? She thought as she started walking.

Summer. It had already begun and just as she thought, her friends had noticed her bizarre behavior. She thought back to what they said before they parted ways, and though they made it sound like they were joking, they were obviously directing all the pressure on her.

“Don’t worry unnie. Who knows? You might meet someone at the beach.”

“Why are you even worrying about this, Taeng? There are tons of other people out there.” “Yeah, danshin buddy. We’re not sure if… you know… you and HER should…”

CHAPTER 2 She rushed out the front door with two duffel bags, their straps draping over her shoulders. The dry air greeted her milky white skin and before she knew it, she was already sweating. She couldn't care less. The gummy bears and the gummy worms were calling out to her, but more importantly, she needed that eye-smile. "Hwaiting, hwaiting, hwaiting!" she muttered after every intake of air.

The beads of sweat trickled down from her forehead down to her cheeks and then finally traced her chin before landing on the warm concrete ground. "Where is she?" she whispered as she adjusted the bag straps on her shoulders and continued to peruse the station where quite a number of people had already gathered.

"TaeTae—”

She quickly spun around and smiled, interrupting the other girl's sentence. A drop of sweat sank into one of her dimples as her smile got bigger the closer the other girl got to her.

"You really did come early!"

"Of course. Ya got the goods?" Taeyeon raised an eyebrow and smirked, imitating a gangster from one of those classic mafia movies.

Tiffany laughed and then cleared her throat. "Yeh. You got the dough?" she played along, adding the accent and pretending to chew on an imaginary tobacco stick.

“I ain't gots ‘em. Are you gonna arrest me, copper?" Taeyeon continued with the role-play, not minding the sweat that continued to build up on her forehead and the back of her neck.

Tiffany laughed again. "Okay. That isn't the right line. But whatever.” She took out a small handkerchief from inside her shorts’ pocket and dabbed Taeyeon's cheeks with it. “Want those gummy bears now?”

"Yey, gummy treats!" Taeyeon cheered. The passers-by could have mistaken her for an elementary school kid instead of a high-schooler getting ready for college entrance exams. That seemed to be the permanent first impression of her.

"Here we go." Tiffany ripped the pack open with ease and quickly popped one bear inside Taeyeon's mouth.

"Urrmm..." went the surprised gasp. The sweet, slightly fruity taste filled her mouth as she happily chewed after getting over the surprise feeding attack from Tiffany.

"This is really sad," Tiffany said after swallowing her first bear. She peered into the pack of sweet treats and pouted.

"Why?" Taeyeon asked after she got two more bears and bit their heads off. She seemed to be enjoying herself.

"There are no pink gummy bears. I wonder why. Every other color is in here. Even brown! Who in their right mind would make cola-flavored things anyway?”

Taeyeon got one brown gummy bear and bit its head off like she did with the previous two and then held the headless treat in front of Tiffany’s mouth. “They taste good. Try one.”

With a slight frown, Tiffany stuck her tongue out to lick the cola-flavored, headless bear because she only wanted to make sure that it tasted okay. She didn’t want it inside her mouth and then later on realize that it tasted awful. After all, she had the idea that cola was only for drinking, never chewing.

“Does it taste okay?” Taeyeon asked after Tiffany finished her first lick. Tiffany shrugged and then leaned closer to taste more of the treat. Taeyeon’s eyes widened as she pulled her hand back. “Omo! You just licked my finger!”

“N-no I didn’t!” Tiffany shook her head. “Bleh! The brown ones taste awful!” She quickly did a follow-up to divert the conversation.

Taeyeon popped the rejected, headless, cola-flavored bear inside her mouth and let it roam inside to savor the sugar and then quickly chewed before swallowing. “They taste okay to me.”

“Well, I don’t get why they would put brown bears in here and not cute little pink ones.” Tiffany peered inside the pack again and upon not seeing even the tiniest shred of pink, she handed it to Taeyeon. “Finish the rest so I can open the gummy worms next.”

A mischievous smirk suddenly formed on Taeyeon’s face. “I want you to feed me to make up for dirtying my finger,” she smugly proposed, pushing her luck. “Fine,” went the reply.

She didn’t mean to be perverted, but in her head, mentioning the word ‘finger’ had her feeling quite giddy. Regardless, it felt good having Tiffany press the soft treats against her lips before gobbling them up. The smell of Tiffany’s lotion, which spread even to the tips of her nails, entered Taeyeon’s nose just before she could open her mouth to accept the treat. Consuming the formless strawberry-like aroma would have been better, she thought for a second or two. Indeed, her thoughts had gone past just mentioning the word ‘finger.’

“Okay, gummy worms next!” Tiffany hurriedly grabbed the pack from one of her bags and opened it. “Do I still have to feed you these?” she asked Taeyeon, who looked like she was lost in some kind of trance with her eyes wide open. Blinking seemed to be impossible, too.

“Fany-ah, I’m sorry.” “Eh? For what?” “No, I mean… I’m sorry.”

She felt guilty about thinking of – no, wanting – to violate the girl sitting right next to her, but it seemed to be inevitable. The way Tiffany’s eyes would close in on hers always catches her off guard, making her look away against her will. And every time they touch… Some say it’s normal, but who would dare trust a bunch of high school girls with such a sensitive topic, much less her oblivious friends? Not Taeyeon. That was for sure.

“You’ve been acting really strange. Why don’t you tell me about it?” No way, Taeyeon replied in her thoughts. She smiled and took one gummy worm. “Here, I’ll feed you instead to make up for my spacing out.” “Ehh! Seriously! Tell me!”

Taeyeon shrugged Tiffany’s request off. “Saaaay ahhh!!” she dangled the elongated treat against Tiffany’s lip. “It really wants to enter, Fany-ah,” she teased with a grin. There it was again. If it wasn’t

temporary amnesia then it would be her sex drive screaming inside her head. No matter what the result, it would always be because of this eye-smiling girl.

Those pinkish, soft lips parted and welcomed the gummy treat. “There are no pink gummy worms either, huh?” Tiffany muttered while she chewed. Taeyeon grabbed the pack of gummy worms from Tiffany’s hand and fed herself a piece as well. “Yeah. I don’t think there are any. There are these reddish… uhhh… orange-ish ones though,” she said to try to appease Tiffany. “Never mind. We shouldn’t be worrying about kid stuff like this,” Tiffany replied after she swallowed.

The bullet trains settled themselves on the tracks, opened their doors to let the passengers alight and then accepted new ones before closing them again. Tiffany checked her watch and part of her regretted coming so early, but a bigger part was telling her she made the right decision when she saw the pack of gummy worms slowly being emptied by none other than her childish, dorky friend.

“Leave one for me, will ya?” she pinched Taeyeon’s arm. “Aigoo!” went the muffled scream as Taeyeon bit down hard on her lip to suppress the pain. “I wasn’t going to eat everything! Of course I would leave you some.” Tiffany giggled and flashed an apologetic smile. “Sorry. Please don’t get mad.”

Taeyeon wasn’t mad. That pinch was more of a wake-up call from the rest of her fantasies rather than an annoying, friendly gesture. She ought to have thanked Tiffany. And she was about to when two familiar figures approached them.

“Good morning!” the youngest greeted them, wiping beads of sweat off of her neck with the back of her hand. Sooyoung, the tallest among the group, smiled and yawned. “Where are the others?” Taeyeon asked right after feeding Tiffany another gummy worm.

Seohyun settled her bags against the legs of the bench that Taeyeon and Tiffany were sitting on and then rubbed her shoulders. She was guessing that they had turned red after taking the full weight of her possessions. “I dropped by Yoona unnie’s house, but her mom said she had already left. I thought she was already here. I ran into Sooyoung unnie and she was told the same thing. I wonder where Yoona unnie could be.”

Sooyoung asked Taeyeon to scoot on over so she could sit down. Her morning jog had turned into her worst experience with physical activity to date. If it wasn’t for their trip then she would have

settled for waking up late and stuffing her face whenever she felt like it. Unfortunately, being a teenage girl had her worrying about her self-image and thus, the workouts.

“Do you guys have some water or something?” she asked. Taeyeon shook her head and so did Tiffany. Seohyun was already rummaging through her bag for the tumbler she packed. “Here you go, unnie.” Sooyoung hurriedly gulped the contents down and let out a big breath afterwards. “Ah! That’s the spot! Thanks, Seohyun.” “Would you like something to eat, too, unnie?” There was a bit of hesitation. “You’re just too good to be true, kid.”

Taeyeon and Tiffany finished the gummy worms while Sooyoung ended up not eating anything after seeing Seohyun’s vegetable-filled lunch box. She wanted to go for the sweet potatoes, but remembered her sense of shame when she realized that the youngest loved them entirely with her precious little heart.

Tiffany turned to Taeyeon to break the silence. “Wanna check out the train route?” “S-sure.” They both stood up and walked over to the glass display a few meters from the bench they were sitting on. The stretched map stood before them, sporting countless lines, dots, and curves. If they didn’t know any better, they would have mistaken it for a big coloring book.

“Where do we get off anyway?” Taeyeon asked while tracing one of the curves with her fingers. Tiffany was tracing a line as well. “I have no idea.” “Then what are we doing here?” Tiffany laughed. “I don’t know. I just thought it would be easy to figure out. I guess I was wrong.” “Silly dork.” “What did you say?!” Tiffany pushed Taeyeon hard and frowned, pretending to be mad. Taeyeon knew better than to fall for it and just laughed it off. “Hey, why don’t you start from this dot?” Taeyeon pointed to a red spot near the edge of the map. “And then I’ll start from this blue dot. Let’s see who gets to the yellow dot first!” Tiffany was about to raise an eyebrow as a response to the childish game, but found herself already placing her finger on the red dot Taeyeon mentioned. “Are there any pink dots here?” She went for a last-minute scan. “You’re such a kid! Always looking for your favorite color in everything! I’m actually surprised that you aren’t wearing pink today!”

“Me? What about you and tracing lines?! You’re the kiddie one here and you even look like it! And I’m wearing white today because I was…” Tiffany had already shut her mouth tight before the next word could make it out. “Was what?” “Nothing.” Trying hard not to laugh, Taeyeon guessed. “You’re saving all of your pink shirts for the rest of our week at the beach, aren’t you?” “Yah! Let’s just get this game over with, you silly kid!”

Taeyeon was already half-way through the curve she was tracing and so was Tiffany. She took the last statement as a compliment and, as usual, just took it in. It came from Tiffany after all.

“I’m gonna get there before you!” Tiffany smugly declared. She had quickly gotten her mind off the ‘kid’ talk and, instead, set her eyes on the yellow dot. “Nuh-uh!”

Both of them hurriedly let their fingers glide on the glass to reach their goal like their very lives depended on it. Indeed, the two appeared to be like playground buddies competing for a spot in the sandbox.

“Yeah!! Getting closer!” Taeyeon yelled in excitement as she eyed the last loop she had to trace to get to the yellow dot. “No way! Me first!” “Nooooo!!” “Yaaaah!”

Peace returned to the corner of the train station as the two girls finished their game. They had tears in their eyes and dirt stuck to their fingers. They left the glass display to make way for those who had arrived to check it.

Taeyeon wiped her dirty finger with her shirt. Tiffany was wiping hers on her shorts, being careful not to let anything land on her white shirt. “You okay?” Tiffany nodded and let the lone tear fall to the ground. “You?” “Of course.”

They both laughed at their admittedly childish behavior and made their way back to their friends. For some unknown reason or a random calculation of fate that resulted to coincidence, neither of the

routes they decided to trace led to the yellow dot and, instead, the tips of their fingers crashed into one another just as they were exerting full force to reach the finish line. Ouch, Taeyeon thought again like the previous day when Tiffany squeezed her hand. This time, Tiffany’s nail had caused a small gap to appear on the surface of her skin.

It was useless to hide the reddish wound and Jessica had made it even more obvious. “What happened to your finger?” “Just a little accident,” Taeyeon replied with a smile. “So is everyone here?” After checking the scene, it appeared that Sunny, Hyoyeon and Jessica were the only ones who had recently arrived while Yoona and Yuri were still missing. Taeyeon heard a little whimper from behind her. “Sica…”

Everyone turned their attention to where the sounds were coming from. “Yuri?” Tiffany asked. She seemed to be talking to a stack of bags with legs rather than a person carrying bags.

Sunny giggled. “Poor, poor kid.” “Here, let me help.” Hyoyeon stepped forward to assist Yuri with the bags she was carrying. She carefully took the one on top of the stack and settled it on the ground. Then she took one more, revealing a sweaty Yuri. “Th-thank you.” Yuri finally had the chance to gasp for air. Mouths had already opened, ready to react to Yuri and her predicament, but before a sound could emerge, the speakers crackled and out went an announcer’s voice. The group titled their heads upwards as if watching a meteor shower, while listening to every word that came out of the little box. “… That is all. Have a nice day.”

Every head popped back down after those last four words. “Where’s Yoona?” Taeyeon asked as she took her duffel bags and hung the straps over her shoulder. Everyone’s eyes were on Yuri again. “What?” Yuri’s eyebrows shot upward. “She said she’s on her way!”

Almost everyone shrugged and went off to prepare their things, following Taeyeon’s example, except Jessica who already had Yuri handling her luggage with Hyoyeon’s help.

“Yoong’s late because of you, isn’t she?” Jessica stared at Yuri with her arms crossed on her chest. Her friends secretly worried about her obvious mood swings. “Me? No!” “You told her to go back to school to return that stupid pouch!”

“I didn’t!”

Another train had passed by, left its passengers and then took in new ones before it departed. The swift woosh barely passed through the girls’ ears while they listened to the two argue. Seohyun couldn’t stand the bickering and so she resorted to eating some of her vegetables to calm herself down. Her unnies stood by with only their eyes moving from Jessica to Yuri, and back.

“I swear I didn’t ask her to do it!” “Wait, wait. Is this about the club’s money?” Sooyoung waved a hand in between the two to call for their attention. “She seriously went to school for that?” Yuri shook her head. “I don’t know. What are you talking about?” “You said you were risking being expelled, babo! Do you think she would let that happen? I told you to treat your juniors better, remember? You know how much that kid admires you,” Jessica spoke up, her eyes flaring. Whether because of anger or concern, no one knew for sure.

Taeyeon slipped her hand – the one that didn’t have the injured finger – into Tiffany’s and, without a word, brought the latter closer to the edge of the platform where newly-arrived commuters were still gathered. She sighed.

“We haven’t even left yet and I’m already tired,” she said. “You always worry about others, don’t you? That’s why you always feel that you’re tired!” Tiffany loosened her grip on Taeyeon’s hand and then tightened it again. “So let me take your blood pressure, TaeTae,” she chirped. Taeyeon stared at her hand being squeezed and then let go, squeezed and then let go, squeezed and then let go. The process seemed endless. “What are you doing?” “Uh, haven’t you heard of sphygmomanometers? That thing they use to take people’s blood pressures, I mean. You know… the one with that soft, oval thing that you squeeze, like you’re pumping something?”

The what? Taeyeon pondered in her thoughts. It was during times like these that she wished Tiffany would stick to acting ‘normal’ instead of pulling out random tricks out of her hat. ‘Normal’ Tiffany already had her awww-ing in her head, but ‘random’ Tiffany would always leave her blanking out, wondering how to contain her happiness. Either way, she realized she didn’t have the heart to complain.

Tiffany giggled and stopped ‘taking Taeyeon’s blood pressure’ after she saw that slightly confused look on Taeyeon’s face. “Never mind. I was just trying to cheer you up.” Her hand firmly fit in Taeyeon’s again, their fingers intertwined. After a giggle of her own, Taeyeon smiled. “So how’s my blood pressure Doctor Hwang?” “Your eyes say you’re fine.”

They experienced minor tremors while standing so close to the edge of the platform as the train approached. The doors opened and both of them stepped aside to make way for those who were about to get off. From the corners of their eyes, they could already see their friends getting ready to board. Once inside, they occupied two rows.

“Beach here we come!” Sunny sang, clutching her backpack to her chest as it rested on her thighs. Taeyeon’s eyes widened. “Wait! Where’s Yoona?!” “Unnie!”

A cheerful face greeted Taeyeon and out came laughter from the rest of the group. A sigh of relief escaped Taeyeon next. “What happened to you?” she asked.

Yuri hadn’t stopped laughing. The whole vehicle was filled with her joy. “Whew. Taeng, that look on your face was—” out came another big laugh.

“I’m sorry I was late, unnie. I just had to get the money back to the club room so Yuri unnie wouldn’t get in trouble. I hope I didn’t worry you too much,” Yoona answered Taeyeon’s question despite Yuri’s unstoppable expression of amusement.

Taeyeon quickly glanced at Jessica and was unconsciously showing off a ‘So you were right’ look. Luckily, Jessica looked like she had already drifted to sleep on Hyoyeon’s shoulder or else Taeyeon would have received a smug smirk in return.

Stop after stop, the passengers increased and the group of friends had to squeeze themselves together as well as pull their bags closer to avoid potential theft. The variety of expressions on their faces could have been worthy of a hall of fame.

Jessica was indeed asleep. Hyoyeon was biting down on her lower lip and bobbing her head to the beat of what she and Sunny were listening to on her iPod. Yoona, unlike Sooyoung, had no shame and so invaded the rest of Seohyun’s vegetable-filled lunch box. Afterwards, she talked to Seohyun about

how delicious everything was while chewing. Sooyoung and Yuri were thumb-wrestling to decide who would treat who to ice cream. Taeyeon was refereeing.

“Gee, I’m so excited!” Tiffany couldn’t help but twist in her seat every time she looked out the window to check where they were. “I am, too,” Yuri reacted, her eyes glued to Sooyoung’s thumb, which swayed back and forth as if to taunt. “Too bad we can’t tease Taeng about it. I really thought she wouldn’t be able to come today.” Sooyoung had just made an attempt to pin Yuri’s thumb down. The latter made a quick escape. “Aish! Hm, anyway, how were those chores? You must be pretty tired, Taeyeon.” Taking the refereeing task seriously, Taeyeon called for a foul. “Yuri wins.” “What? Why?!” Sooyoung scowled. “Because you insulted the referee and didn’t call her ‘unnie.’” “That’s so unfair!” “You asked me to referee so here I am fulfilling my rightful duty.” Taeyeon stuck half her tongue out, obviously wanting to get back at her dongsaeng.

Yuri was resisting bursting into laughter again while Tiffany looked serious – a sudden shift from her excited self. The latter turned to Taeyeon. “I didn’t realize that you felt tired because of chores. I’m so sorry. It totally slipped my mind. Are you okay?” After recalling her ‘blood pressure’ act, she felt stupid for not being aware of how Taeyeon was really feeling.

Taeyeon turned away from Tiffany. She couldn’t bear those worried eyes. “About that…” “Meh. I bet she didn’t have to do anything,” Sooyoung interrupted, cleverly getting Taeyeon back again for declaring her the thumb-wrestling loser. With a bit of hesitation, Taeyeon nodded. “Apparently, mom and dad really have fun messing with me so don’t look so worried, Fany-ah.” “Yah! Silly dork!”

CHAPTER 3 Finally. Whistling breezes, shuffling sands, and whispering waves. The only complaint the group of friends had was the scorching sun, which seemed to burn more than Jessica’s temper.

“I’ll be waiting at the lodge. Yuri, let’s go.”

Looking like a pile of luggage with legs again, Yuri followed. Before taking another step, she turned to Hyoyeon one last time and mouthed ‘help,’ but only got two thumbs-up in return. She felt that it meant either ‘you can do it!’ or ‘hope to see you in the afterlife.’

Sunny had already set up a beach blanket on the sand and placed it under the big umbrella Yoona put up. “Can you move it a little to the right, Yoong?”

“Okay, unnie,” Yoona promptly responded. She started pulling the umbrella’s stem out of the hole in the ground that she had just filled. The tight grip of the warm sand kept her from taking it out with one hard pull. “Ayiii!” “Need some help, unnie?” “Oh thanks, Hyunnie.” Seohyun grabbed the upper part of the umbrella’s stem while Yoona had both hands on the lower portion. “On three, okay unnie?” the youngest said. “Sure.” “One, two… three!”

Stomachs sucked in and teeth clenched, the two did their best to keep their sweaty palms from slipping against the plastic stem as they pulled. The sand seemed to be sucking the stem in the more the two exerted effort.

“U-Unnie! Maybe we should ask for help.” “From who? From Sunny unnie?” Yoona cleared her dry throat and pointed at Sunny who was already trying to comfortably lie on her blanket, half of her being hit by the sun and the other half being kept safe by the umbrella. “I doubt that she’s even listening to us struggle here.” “What was that Yoong?” Sunny quickly replied, proving Yoona wrong. “Nothing, unnie.”

After countless attempts, the umbrella remained in the same position. Yoona was starting to get dizzy from the heat and Seohyun had already let go of the plastic stem to wipe her palms with her shirt.

“Step back, Hyunnie. I’m going to pull it out! No mercy this time!” Yoona cheered, her fist shooting up in the air. Seohyun giggled. “Go, go Yoona unnie!” “Okay! Here I go! Hwaiting!!”

Sunny silently laughed at her dongsaeng who sounded like the typical anime series protagonist. She rolled on her side to escape from the sun’s rays. “You done yet, Super Yoong?”

“Ngggh!! Al-most the-re… Yaaaaah!!” The umbrella shut by itself and went flying right out of the loosened hole in the sand. Of course, it took Super Yoong with it. “Aaaah, dammit…” “Unnie, you okay?” Yoona rubbed her forehead, which turned red after the collision with the umbrella. She struggled to get up when she found herself touching something soft. “Hyu-Hyunnie?” “Yes unnie?” “Yaaah!”

Yoona scrambled to get up and extended her arm toward Seohyun who was lying flat on the sand with a slight smile. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to touch it! I’m sorry!”

The younger took her unnie’s hand and kept her smile as she was pulled up. “No worries unnie. It’s okay.” “Are you…” Yoona let go of Seohyun’s hand and stared at the ground, realizing that other than Seohyun’s hand, she had just touched something ‘off-limits.’ “Did it hurt?” she asked, the guilt taking over her. Seohyun shook her head. “Not at all. My arm will be okay. Please don’t worry anymore.” Arm? Yoona saw the thought fly right past her eyes. “Ah. Good, good.” She let out a chuckle. “Uh, you wanna go to the lodge now? Our things might melt out here.” “Oka—” “Umbrella please, Yoong!” Yoona sighed. “Just give me a second, all right?” she gave Seohyun a little wink before taking the umbrella and turning her attention back to Sunny. “Hi guys!” The plastic stem had just started penetrating the surface of the sand. Yoona let go of it and got ready to run. “Hello unnies! Please take care of the umbrella. Bye!” “Hey wai—Woah!”

Taeyeon and Tiffany had just finished wading through the shallow part of the beach. Neither one expected to be nearly crushed by the big umbrella. “Fany, were you hit?” “No. Close call though.”

Taeyeon ruffled Tiffany’s hair. “Too close if you ask me. I wonder what those kids are up to.” She barely saw her dongsaengs’ faces before they turned and ran with their bags held to their chests. “Maybe they needed to pee.” Tiffany stroked her chin while Taeyeon fixed her hair after messing it up. Both of them wouldn’t go in at the same time, would they? Taeyeon thought. “Pee?” “Yes. Pee.”

A sudden movement caused the two to suspend their conversation. “Uh, guys? Hello?”

The umbrella was slowly moving forward. Taeyeon pulled Tiffany away from it and stretched her arms to her sides, blocking Tiffany from whatever it was that was coming for them. “Wait. Sunny?” “Duh! Of course it’s me! Get this thing off of me!!”

Rather than being worried, the two responded with loud laughter. It took them awhile, but they managed to get the umbrella to stand firmly on the sand, this time in the right angle and just as Sunny wanted it to slant. It was too bad that by that time there was no need for it anymore.

“Oh the sunset! Let’s go watch it up close guys!” Tiffany proposed, already tugging on Taeyeon’s shirt while poking Sunny’s leg with her foot.

The whistling breezes were now seemingly howling at the palm trees that surrounded them. The shuffling sands were moving faster than the waves, like they wanted to spread farther out into the sea to bury the salty water and the whispering waves were, in defense, lapping at the shore to drench the sand to halt its movement. The scorching sun was slowly being reduced to a harmless orange orb, hiding behind the mountains perhaps to regain its illustrious glow to again reveal another tomorrow.

“You coming, danshin?” Taeyeon asked. Sunny was silent. “Sunny-ah~” Tiffany added. “Don’t mind me, other danshin. You go on ahead.” Taeyeon kicked a pile of sand onto Sunny’s beach blanket in a joking response. “See you at the lodge later then.”

Hand-in-hand like always, Taeyeon and Tiffany hurried to the shore where the sands were obviously losing to the tides. The experience wasn’t as breathtaking as Tiffany imagined. Instead, her inhales were cut short after every splash that hit her face.

“Dammit…” she started muttering. She tugged on Taeyeon’s hand to signal that she wanted to leave for another spot. Taeyeon heard clearly and giggled. “I’ll handle it,” she whispered. She squatted, letting the water reach slightly higher than her ankles. “Hi kids!” “Hi ahjumma!!” The response was almost instant. Taeyeon kept her smile. “Uhm… You know, it’s not nice to splash other people with water. It’s not—”

A fresh batch of seawater drenched her eyes, but that smile was still plastered on her face, unfazed and unfaltering. The midgets, as Tiffany would call them, were obviously not listening to Taeyeon’s words of wisdom.

“Let’s go TaeTae. The sunset’s gonna end soon. I really wanna watch it in peace,” she emphasized, her eyes widening, directed at the midgets who caused her blood to boil. “Ahjumma! Ahjumma! Your eyes are weird!” said one boy who was floating around clad in a flotation vest. The smaller girl next to him was trying to hold onto him for support. “Oppa!!” “I said let’s go,” Tiffany repeated, trying to ignore the fuss the midgets were causing. Taeyeon pulled her back and smiled to signal that she should squat as well to try to get along with the troublesome bunch. The oldest among the three midgets paddled his way toward Taeyeon and nodded while stroking his chin. “Hmmm… I think the other ahjumma is prettier.” His eyes snaked their way toward Tiffany. “WHAT?!” came the immediate response from Tiffany.

Taeyeon laughed with her mouth wide open and her eyes almost getting teary. “You have good taste little guy.” She did a thumbs-up. The other two surprisingly calmed down and started listening in on the conversation. “How old are you anyway?” Taeyeon added while patting the oldest midget’s head.

“Oooh! He’s this!” the youngest held out her hand and waved all five fingers in front of Taeyeon’s face and tried to count them. “Uhm… One, two, th-th-thwee? Errr…”

The waves began to crawl farther, conquering the sand’s front lines and invading part of Taeyeon’s pants’ legs even after she rolled the edges up. Tiffany nudged her to get up, but she quietly whispered that it was okay. “Three, four, five!” she pinched the youngest midget’s remaining fingers to finish the count-off.

“Th-th-thweeee, f-fouuuwr, fa-fa-fwive!” Tiffany shook her head. “No, no. Three, four, five!”

“Thweeee—” “Three!” “Fany.” “What?!” Taeyeon leaned closer to Tiffany’s ear and said in her most hushed tone, “They’re kids. Relax.”

While Taeyeon and Tiffany were discussing within their cone of silence, the youngest midget busied herself with trying to pronounce the numbers right and getting the flotation vest midget to check if she was doing it correctly. The oldest was carefully eyeing Tiffany’s expression, which changed after Taeyeon had leaned closer to her ear.

“So you’re five years old now, huh?” Tiffany turned to the oldest of the three, taking Taeyeon’s advice about being calm and friendly. The oldest scratched his head. “Ahjumma, you remind me of someone.” ‘I am going to strangle this little twerp’ was written all over Tiffany’s face, but she managed to muster a smile. “Really? Who?”

Taeyeon lent one ear to the main conversation and kept the other occupied with the youngest midget’s speech practice. She found it cute.

“Our big brother’s friend,” the oldest answered. “She’s really pretty, too, and her eyes go like this,” he squinted to copy Tiffany’s eye-smile, “but that’s only when my brother says ‘I love you.’ Pretty cool, right?” Tiffany found herself laughing. Maybe kids aren’t that bad, she thought. “Yes. It’s pretty cool. Your brother must be really happy to have a friend like that.” “Oh he is! So how about making me happy by being my friend?”

The flotation vest midget interrupted as he paddled back to where Tiffany and Taeyeon were with a gleam in his eyes as he got closer to Tiffany. He left the youngest midget a few meters away, the latter talking to herself about having her tongue fixed. She told herself that it probably got broken when the stork dropped her off at her parents’ house.

“Butt out, man!” the oldest splashed water on the flotation vest midget. “I saw her first!” “Yeah but I called dibs! The power of dibs means it’s final! She’s mine!” Taeyeon got both of her ears back and stood up to hold both boys apart in hopes of keeping them from hitting each other. “Hey! Hey! Calm down kids!”

Meanwhile, flattered Tiffany stood up to get the youngest midget who was floating farther and farther away the longer she tried to say ‘three’ properly. “Three,” Tiffany slowly uttered for the youngest to copy. “Got it?” The youngest let out a little breath. “Thwee.” “Th—Oh never mind. You’ll get it someday, okay?” “Mnnnn… Okay!” went a gummy smile.

Tiffany waded through the already forceful waves with the youngest in her arms. She stumbled upon Taeyeon desperately trying to keep the two boys from tearing each other apart, though they appeared harmless with their soft fists and little battle cries.

“Help me!” Taeyeon called out. Tiffany gently put the youngest down and told her to stay still while she attended to some business. The youngest obediently followed.

“Mine!” “As if! I’m cooler than you! She’s mine!”

The situation had gotten out of hand. With less than an hour spent with Tiffany, the two boys believed with all of their might that she was theirs. No one could blame them for processing that way when all they could base their actions on was how their favorite cartoon characters reacted after setting eyes on the first girl that passed by. If reality permitted it, the two young boys would have had big, red hearts popping out of their eyes right about then, just like how it happens on TV.

“Settle down kids. This ahjumma doesn’t like noisy little boys.” Tiffany tried to charm her way to victory. How hard could it be? She proudly thought.

The two shut their mouths, but kept staring at each other with expressions that screamed ‘She’s mine!’ more than their actual words. Taeyeon was beginning to lose her patience and the unfazed smile was sinking just like the sun. She finally let go of the two boys and relaxed her arms.

“Noona.” the oldest faced Tiffany with his arms firmly placed on his sides like a soldier. “Awww… You finally called me ‘noona.’ Thank—” Tiffany’s celebration was cut short when the older added, “You have to choose. It’s between me or him so please take your time and think about it.”

Taken aback by the sudden proposal, Tiffany glanced at Taeyeon to get an opinion. The latter merely shrugged. She turned her attention back to the boys and bit her lip, realizing that it wasn’t as simple as she thought. “You’re both very cute but I really can’t choose.” “You have to!” the older clenched his fists. “Just tell him that it’s me to make it simple!” “No fair! You can’t choose for her!” the other argued, ready to pounce on his rival. Tiffany was at a loss for words. Handling kids had never been easy for her and this time it was a bit more complicated. “I really can’t—” “Oppas!!”

All heads turned to one direction after a shrill cry. Taeyeon was somehow relieved. She pointed at the direction of the youngest midget who was standing by a couple who had their arms around one another. “Looks like your parents are here.” “Noona! Please choose before mom and dad drag us out of here!” the flotation vest midget pleaded, his cheeks rounded as he pouted. “But—“ “Me.” “TaeTae?” Taeyeon easily slipped her arm around Tiffany’s waist and pulled her close. “She chooses me, okay? So just get outta here before I tell your mom and dad that you’ve been really bad!” Tiffany was silent. She smiled to play along with Taeyeon’s idea and noticed the two boys’ shoulders fall in defeat. “Noona plus ahjumma?” the oldest turned to the flotation vest midget and tilted his head. “Is that normal?” The latter shrugged and then examined the ‘couple.’ “Take care of our noona, okay ahjumma?” Taeyeon’s arm moved up from Tiffany’s waist and up to around the latter’s neck. “Sure.” The oldest of the three midgets didn’t seem to be as happy as his younger brother. “Just wait and see! I’ll get more advice from our big brother and I’ll steal her away from you for sure!” he pointed at Taeyeon, his confidence brimming. Being the ‘little big kid’ that she was, Taeyeon stuck her tongue out and held Tiffany closer, leaving no space between them. “I’d like to see you try! I’m never going to let go of this noona, you understand?” “Oppas!!” went another call from the youngest. The two brothers took one last look at their first summer crush and secretly thought about having their arms around her, too, but after being rendered unable to reply to Taeyeon’s taunting, they retreated to the care of their parents.

From the spot where the two boys had their ‘fight for love,’ their smaller foot prints, which led to one direction, were slowly disappearing from the surface of the sand while two sets of slightly bigger foot

prints continued to stretch toward the opposite direction. It wasn’t just their feet. Their palms left a few marks of their own.

“Let go for a sec. My palms are sweaty.” “That’s fine. Mine are sweaty, too.” “Fine. If you say so… Uhm, Fany?” “Yes?” “Sorry you didn’t get to see the sunset.”

Out went an eye-smile. Despite the dim surroundings, Taeyeon got a good glimpse. “If I hadn’t insisted on talking to those kids then we could’ve found a better spot to watch it from. I feel bad,” she confessed. With her palm sliding slightly against Taeyeon’s, Tiffany shook her head. “Don’t feel bad. I actually had fun. It felt nice to hang around noisy little twerps. They’re like huge energy balls!” Taeyeon turned her head to the side and mumbled, “Energy balls with freaking wild imaginations.” “You have a pretty wild imagination, too.” Tiffany chuckled as they started walking again, making more foot prints. “Saying I choose you and stuff. Pffft! As if…” “I just said that to get you out of that mess! You oughtta thank me!” “For what? For letting those boys think that ‘noona plus ahjumma’ is normal? I oughtta spank you not thank you!” “Tch…”

The thought never crossed their minds, but the seemingly infinite stretch of sand had an end point and there they were, standing right on the spot: the palm trees swaying right above them and the waves still crashing on the shore. They finally released each other’s hands and sat on a nearby rock formation.

“You’re not mad, are ya?” Tiffany nudged the frowning Taeyeon. The latter shook her head. “Oh come on! Don’t be such a kid.” Taeyeon wiggled her toes to get rid of the sand that hung in between them. “I’m not being a kid,” she replied with her head down.

The cold surface of their seat had them both feeling like snuggling with each other to gain warmth. Fortunately, one of them had the nerve to do so. “You know what? I suddenly remember that quote.” Tiffany let her head land on Taeyeon’s shoulder. “What quote?”

“The one about foot prints. Look, ours are disappearing.” Tiffany pointed to the remnants of the trail they left. “Anyway, there’s this quote about a distressed guy who talked about his life. He said that during his best moments there were two sets of foot prints, but during the hardest, most excruciating times, there was only one set. He was complaining about being left alone when he needed help the most. What he didn’t know was that during those hard times, there was one set of foot prints because his friend carried him all throughout the rough journey. It’s touching, isn’t it?” I think I know where she got this one from, Taeyeon thought. “Yeah it’s quite good,” she answered despite her dwindling interest in the subject. With her head still on Taeyeon’s shoulder, Tiffany took Taeyeon’s hand again, not minding if it was still sweaty. “I used to think about that quote all the time back when I transferred. It was hard adjusting. Back then, I guess I prayed that someone would carry me, too.” “Did someone come along?” “He doesn’t ‘come along,’ TaeTae. He’s just there.”

Taeyeon hoped Tiffany’s answer was her name, but that would probably have been too much to ask for. She knew who Tiffany trusted the most and accepted that fact long ago. Besides, who could argue when it’s her faith we’re talking about?

Right then, she longed to feel like saying ‘Finally. The whistling breezes, shuffling sands, and whispering waves.’ But all she had was a smiling Tiffany, dripping wet pants’ legs, and disappearing foot prints… No ‘her and Tiffany.’

CHAPTER 4 The sun was long gone and the silver orb had finally settled itself in the middle of the sky. And there she was, not even knowing what it feels like to have the sand stick to her toes or how to have the seawater dry on her skin or how painfully soothing it would have been to let the sun’s rays enter her eyes. She had no idea just how much she had missed, and how much she was gaining. It was supposed to be an agonizing defeat.

“I can’t believe you gave in like this,” Hyoyeon said with her chin resting near the edge of the table. She watched as crumbs fell short of the plate’s face, joining the other leftover foodstuffs on the tablecloth. “Well, at least show some table manners when you eat in public! Tsk. This just proves that I forgot how impulsive you are.”

The munching went on but there came a reply. “You forget a lot of things. Duh! Look, no one’s watching me eat anyway so what’s the use of table manners? And besides, I haven’t eaten like this in days! Maybe weeks! Can you imagine how I must feel right now?”

It was supposed to be agonizing for Sooyoung to let all of her hard work and exercise go to waste but there she was enjoying every minute of it. She once thought being a teenager was hard. Of course it is, her friends would tell her, but keeping herself busy with eating and tasting everything the world had to offer made that ‘of course’ sound like a joke. In the end, there was nothing better than letting herself go and keeping herself healthy by keeping her sanity instead of dieting and straining her body. And the only way to maintain that straight thinking was to fill her stomach and let her taste buds enjoy.

“No, I don’t know how you must feel.” Hyoyeon lifted her head from the table and slumped on her chair. Sooyoung was almost done with her onion rings and her shake. She swallowed and then giggled. “You must have forgotten how to imagine, too, huh?” Hyoyeon did a fake laugh. “That was funny. Now, finish your food so we can go back to the lodge. We haven’t even chosen our beds yet or maybe you want to sleep on the floor for the rest of our week here?” Another plate arrived at their table and Sooyoung could only flash a slight smile at Hyoyeon while she chewed. I feel somewhat guilty that I’m keeping her here, she thought. “No freaking way! You ordered another plate?!” “Yeah. I’m sorry—” “We’ll take this to go!”

The waiter had barely moved an inch away from the table when Hyoyeon handed him the plate of fresh shrimp. His heart must have skipped a beat when he found the plate already back in his hands without even feeling it land on his palms.

“Can we please get the tab, too?” Hyoyeon added. The flamboozled waiter simply nodded and slowly took a few steps back to the counter to attend to his customer’s requests.

Hyoyeon got back to slumping on her chair while Sooyoung picked up the crumbs and pressed them against her lips before gobbling them up. As she expected, Hyoyeon’s reflexes were at their best and her hand was quickly swatted away before she could go for the rest of the crumbs. “Eeew! Stop that!” “But it’s such a waste not to eat them.”

“I don’t care! First you’ll start eating things off of a table and then you’ll be eating off of the ground! Who knows what that’ll do to your health?!”

Simply because she wanted to get the equivalent of what she was paying for, Sooyoung didn’t heed her friend’s advice and finally ended her meal by taking each fallen crumb and eating them. The shrimp came not long after in a brown paper bag and, in exchange, she left the money on the table.

That was their cue to leave for the lodge.

“Sica? Yuri? Anyone here?”

The front door wasn’t locked and the lodge’s living room was hidden in the dark. Being the unfamiliar area that the lodge was, Hyoyeon and Sooyoung found themselves hesitating to proceed inside. They decided to call out once more.

“Anyone here? Guys!” There was still no response. Sooyoung took the first step, Hyoyeon’s hand in hers. “Geez. The lights should be around here somewhere, right?” “Maybe.”

With her free hand, Sooyoung groped around for anything that felt like a light switch. The walls were slightly cold and smooth and it reminded her of the texture of the shake she just had. It was now half-way through her digestive system. “Here it is. I think I got it—” There was a short pause. “Uhh… Okay, I think there’s something wrong.” “What is it? It’s not the light switch?” Sooyoung backed away quickly and gripped Hyoyeon’s hand tighter with every step. “Light switches don’t move, do they?” “Of course not,” Hyoyeon quickly replied. She pulled Sooyoung forward toward where the ‘light switch’ was, thinking that she was being played with again. “Quit joking around so we can— AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

What was then a solid, smooth wall felt like flesh when Hyoyoen reached out to turn on the ‘lights.’ She jumped back and stumbled on the floor together with Sooyoung, both of them shaking from what had just transpired.

“HAHAHAHAHA!!” Wait a minute, Sooyoung collected her thoughts. “Yoong, you little prankster!”

Light finally filled the room after one flick of a switch by the youngest who looked like she was about to cry. “U-unnies, are you both okay?” Seohyun turned to Sooyoung and Hyoyeon who had just stood up. Yoona’s mouth was wide open, exposing both rows of teeth and even her uvula as she released laughter. Sooyoung and Hyoyeon’s eyes were already burning through her and another pair had her on lock-on from behind. “Yah! What the hell is with all this noise?!” “Je-Jessica unnie?” Seohyun was already near tears having to face the guilt of pulling a prank on two of her unnies and was now tearing up after sensing the anger in Jessica’s tone. “We’re sorry. We didn’t mean to disturb you. Please—” “Don’t worry, Seohyun. It’s not your fault.”

Sunny had emerged from one of the rooms with a fan in her hand. Another figure emerged from another room, wiping her hands on her shirt as she approached.

With her signature toothy grin, Yuri raised a hand to call everyone’s attention. She stroked Jessica’s back with one of her newly cleaned hands. “She’s just like this because it’s so hot in here and we can’t get the AC in her room to work. It’s really my fault, okay Seohyun?” “You’re lucky you got the room with the AC, Sica. You should be happy,” Sunny added while fanning herself. Jessica gave a quick response. “It’s useless if I can’t even turn it on, you know?” “Yeah, yeah. I promise I’ll get it to work,” Yuri claimed. “But in return, I get to sleep in your room for the rest of the week, okay?” “Ehhh!!” “Take it or leave it, Sica.” “Tch. Fine.” “Nice! You see that Seohyun? She’s really mad at me, not you, okay?” “But, unnie I—” Jessica smiled, assuring the youngest that there was no reason to cry. “She’s right. I’m sorry for yelling like that, Seohyun. Don’t worry about it, okay?” On the other hand, Yoona’s mouth was finally sealed, her knees involuntarily shaking. She might have had escaped Jessica’s lock-on glare, but she had other things to worry about. “Hey, hey! We’re the ones who should be mad around here!” Sooyoung waved a fist in the air. Hyoyeon had already plopped herself down on the couch, enjoying the show with her feet up on the couch’s arm.

Not feeling the effect of the threat, Yoona released another big laugh. “I wish it wasn’t so dark so I could have seen your faces!” “Why you little—You are so dead!”

The chase was inevitable and with the lodge’s spacious living room, it became even more unlikely for Sooyoung and Yoona to stop running about. Sunny had already retired to her room while still trying to cool herself with her fan.

Meanwhile, knowing that nothing good would arise from the horseplay, Jessica instantly spun Yuri around and pushed her back to the room where they came from, obviously wanting the toothy grinner to get back to working on the air-conditioner. Seohyun had wiped her eyes dry and was then sitting on the empty space on the couch where Hyoyeon was lying.

“Unnie, I’m sorry for earlier.” “It’s all good. I know Yoong just talked you into it. I can’t believe I fell for that lame move though. Tsk.” “Lame?!” Yoona raised an eyebrow while still swiftly avoiding Sooyoung. “Yeah! You heard me!” Hyoyeon teasingly growled back. “It was so not lame and you were dead scared, unnie! Admit it!” “Why should I admit—”

There was a sudden knock on the door. The chase ended and silence arrived. All eyes were on the slightly shaking door.

Sooyoung didn’t hesitate to ask: “Okay, is this another prank, Yoong?” Yoona shook her head. “N-no. It’s not me, I swear.”

The four of them exchanged glances but only one approached the door. “Maybe it’s just Taeyeon unnie with Tiffany unnie. They’re the only ones who aren’t here yet,” Seohyun guessed as she held the doorknob and unlocked the door.

“Oh great it’s open—Wait… Huh?”

An unfamiliar figure stood before Seohyun and the odds of the person being Taeyeon or Tiffany were well below negative. Seohyun stood there holding the knob, blinking twice as fast as she normally does, like it was the answer to the unfamiliar one’s question.

“Who are you people? And what are you doing in our lodge?” “Y-your lodge?” Sooyoung walked over to stand by the startled Seohyun. Yoona and Hyoyeon weren’t that far behind them.

The unfamiliar figure wasn’t alone. Her companions stood behind her, each one with more than one bag in their possession. None of them could fathom why their reserved lodge was being occupied by such a noisy bunch.

“Look, this is our lodge, okay? You guys are trespassing!”

The gloves were about to come off and just when Hyoyeon was about to step up and give the unexpected visitor a good scolding, one of the companions interrupted and gave a big bow.

“We’re very sorry to barge in like this, but it took us a really long time to get here and all we want to do for now is rest. We really did reserve this lodge for a week so we’d appreciate it if you could let us enter and arrange for another lodge of your own.” Seohyun swallowed. “I don’t mean to be rude, but we reserved this lodge for a week. I’m sure there’s just some kind of misunderstanding.” From the looks of it, the unfamiliar figure had an argument of her own. “There’s a misunderstanding, all right! This is our lodge and you guys are technically trespassing! You should just clear out right now or I’ll call security and have you kicked out on your butts!” Hyoyeon and Yoona were already closing in on their ‘opponents,’ their teeth clenched and hands balled into fists. “You’re the ones who are trespassing! We paid for this lodge and we’re not leaving just because some cuckoos say it’s theirs. Dream on!” “Are you people deaf?! I said this is our lodge so—” “Sohee, that’s enough!” The bowing companion stepped into the scene once again. She turned to Hyoyeon and Yoona and smiled. “I’m really, really sorry about our friend. She’s young and… well, she just missed a lot of sleep so her mood is messed up. Any—” “Sounds like someone we know.” Hyoyeon nudged Yoona in the midst of the conversation. Both of them giggled. Ignoring the chatter, the polite bowing companion went on. “Anyway, I don’t want to argue with anyone, but this really is our lodge.” “Yeah! So just get the hell outta here!” “Sohee!” “What?! It’s true, isn’t it? We’re wasting time standing here and talking to these—” “What’s going on? Again with the noise?”

Seohyun retreated behind her unnies the moment she heard Jessica’s voice, which somehow knocked her back to her senses and made her legs respond to the signals her brain was giving her.

Sooyoung, Hyoyeon and Yoona stepped aside to welcome the entrance of the upset Jessica, who came face to face with the demanding ‘Sohee.’

“I’m getting tired of repeating this so I’ll say it one last time! Make sure your ears are ready for it! THIS IS OUR LODGE so get your sorry butts outta here and get one of your own!” “Who is this kid?” Jessica turned to her friends. They shrugged. Sohee’s mouth hung open at Jessica’s sudden remark. “Hey! Don’t ignore what I just said!”

Jessica looked the rowdy one in the eye and solidly stated with an unflinching facial expression and her usual cold tone: “Listen, I worked my butt off to get enough money to pay for my share to reserve this freakin’ lodge and I came here with my friends for a relaxing vacation. Right now, I’m sweating like crazy because of the stupid AC and I can’t sleep so I don’t need anyone coming in here to give me another reason to get even angrier. I would gladly leave and let you guys in so you could all suffer the heat with the help of the busted AC and I could just go home and at least enjoy a working one. You’d like that wouldn’t you?” “Duh! That’s what I’ve… Well, that’s kind of what I’ve been saying!” “Well it’s not happening!” “Wha—”

The door closed with more than a bang. The hinges were almost torn off from how hard Jessica pushed it shut. Her friends quickly took a few steps back to give her space. The battle seemed to be over, but a sudden scream from Yuri prevented Jessica from taking one more step toward their room.

“Guys! Someone’s hitting our window with a shoe!” Jessica rolled her eyes. “Ugh! I’ll leave it to you guys. I think I’ll just crash at Sunny’s room. There’s no AC but what the heck?” she finished with a shrug. “But Sica what about—” “Meh. Fix that damn machine by tomorrow, okay?”

Sunny’s door closed much like how the front door did, but with less hinges coming loose. The rest of the group knew that Jessica was the type to try and hide her feelings but the fact remained that they all saw right through their friend whose body seemingly glowed red from irritation due to the series of events.

BANG BANG BANG

Without a second thought, Seohyun ran to the couch and crouched next to it, hugging her legs. Yoona and Hyoyeon proceeded to Jessica’s room, quenching their curiosity regarding what the ruckus was about and what type of shoe was hitting the windows.

“If they’re heels then we have to catch those punks!” “Unnie, they can’t be heels. If they were then these would break after one hit.” Yoona pointed to the unscathed frosted glass. “Oooooh! Do you want to make a bet with me, unnie?” Her face lit up. “Sure—Hey wait! A bet at a time like this?” BANG BANG BANG “Please? It’ll be fun! Heels or sneakers?” BANG BANG BANG “Hmmm… I’m tempted to stick with—” “What the heck?! This isn’t the right time, okay?”

Yuri called for her friends’ attention after she grabbed one of the fishing poles from the display hanging on the room’s wall, her face reading the exact ‘what the heck’ expression as how she said it. “We’re under attack!! Grab a pole and follow me!!”

Yoona’s face lit up a second layer. She grabbed the other pole as Yuri said and motioned for Hyoyeon to do the same. “Let’s go get ‘em unnie!!” she cheered.

BANG BANG BANG

The atmosphere had turned too random for Hyoyeon, and her desire to choose a bed got a better hold on her compared to Yoona’s fiery confidence. “Uh, right. First we were making bets and now you have a fishing pole in your hands. By the way, you’re holding it the wrong way… Anyway, I think I’ll join Sica and Sunny instead. Go get those punks, tiger!”

BANG BANG BANG

Yoona paused, blinking once or twice. Hyoyeon couldn’t really tell from how bright her dongsaeng’s eyes had gotten, something like ‘kill’ written all over them. Yoona cheered once more. “Hiyyyaaaa!! Wait for me, Yuri unnie!!”

The front door swung open, the hinges suffering another blow. Seohyun was left in Sooyoung’s arms after Yoona rushed out with the flimsy weapon in her hand. Her eyes had gone from wet to dry and back in just a matter of minutes. If Jessica was glowing red then the youngest was dimly exuding rainbows, her emotions going from guilt to fear, to relief, and finally to confusion.

“I think I should go join them. Those two wouldn’t know how to use what they’re holding even if their lives depended on it… Such goofs.” Sooyoung released Seohyun and wiped a rolling tear on the youngest’s cheek with her thumb. “I’ll be right back.” The front door seemed to be permanently open, no longer having the ability to swing back to protect the entrance to the lodge. Seohyun stared at it and then got back to Sooyoung. “Please don’t go! Don’t leave me, unnie!” Sooyoung had already stood up, leaving the youngest on the floor. She laughed. “Relax. I’m not going to die or anything.” “D-die?! Unnie! Don’t go!” “Se-Seohyun, stop that. I’m—HAHAHAHA!! No… Not—HAHAHA—There!!” The youngest held on to the tallest, hugging the latter’s waist and burying her face in the latter’s hardened abdomen while shaking her head to signal that she had no thoughts of letting go. “No, unnie! You’re not going!” “HAHAHA!! Please… No… I can’t breathe—”

Finally, the door swung back in and covered the entrance, but out it went again after the strong backlash. The seaside winds were blowing together with the rising of the tides, making the door swing back and forth. Sooyoung’s ticklish laughter was instantly drowned in the consecutive banging. At least, the windows were doing better.

“Unnie, we’re not going to hurt them, are we?” Yoona and Yuri were positioned back to back with the fishing poles tightly gripped. They softly whispered, their arms angled so that the poles would easily fend off a potential shoe attack. “The moment you see that shoe move again, we’ll whack them until they’re senseless!” “Okay! Hwaiti—Wait! Isn’t that illegal? We could be arrested!” “Pfft! No we won’t. We’re minors. We can’t be thrown into jail just yet.” “Ooooh! Good point, unnie. Ah, except—” “Except what?” “You just turned eighteen, didn’t you? So technically you can be thrown into jail! The jailhouse! The pound! The big house! The slammer! The brig! The detention camp! The dungeon! The house of correction! The solitary stockade! The—”

“Ehhh! Shut up! Solitary sta—What, now?” “Solitary stockade. You’ll be in deep doo-doo, unnie!” “No I won’t. I’ll just let you whack them for me.” “… That actually might work.” “Wanna bet on it?” “Sure—Hey wait. Speaking of bets, you know, I could’ve won if Hyoyeon unnie and I made that bet. I knew it was a sneaker! Pffft! And she said heels! Ha!” “Of course! If it were heels then the windows would’ve broken after one hit!” “I know! That’s what I said! See? I could’ve won—“ “We’re still here, you know?”

The shoe was back on the ground and cozily nestled under the owner’s foot. The bowing companion held the owner by the wrist against the lodge’s outer wall to restrain another possible outburst. “She really needs to sleep so please, please just let us in. It’s late and we’re tired. At least let us spend the night so we can all talk about this tomorrow. Please?” The two fishing poles moved downwards, exposing the defending girls. Yuri scratched her head. “I think that’s okay. You guys do look pretty beat. I mean, your other two friends haven’t even said a single word and one of them looks like she’s crying. Are they okay?” The bowing companion took a quick glance at who Yuri was pertaining to and sighed. “They lack sleep, too. If it’s okay with you, we’d appreciate a place to stay until we sort this out.” Yoona held the fishing pole back up. “It’s a trap! Once they get inside, they’ll throw that shoe around again! Ha! Hmm… but that would mean I still win the bet.” She stroked her chin. “Cool!” “Is she always like that?” Sohee gestured toward Yoona despite being restrained against her will. “Sometimes.” Yuri shrugged as she grabbed Yoona’s fishing pole. “Come on in. We’ll introduce you to the rest of the gang. Erm… well, I’ll try. You see, not everyone is in a great mood, either.” “Yeah, I noticed.” Sohee yawned. “Sunye unnie, please let go of me now. I’ll behave.” The bowing companion, now named ‘Sunye,’ raised an eyebrow. “I dunno. You’re a pretty good actress. If I let you go you might take both shoes off and throw them at someone!” Yuri had both fishing poles in one hand while Yoona was left with only her pockets to grip. “Yoong’s pretty much the same,” Yuri said. “She acts her way out of things, too!” “Really? They might get along then. But our Sohee is pretty shy so, on second thought, maybe not. Hmm…” Yoona laughed. “Shy? Pffft! She must be a really good actress then. She practically went head to head with one of the scariest people around. I feel like saluting you now. Hey, can you defend me from Sica unnie from now on? I’ll give you part of my earnings on a bet I just won in exchange!” “Sunye, do you have tissue? Ye Eun’s nose is running again.”

“I—Oh gosh darn it! Hold Sohee for me, will you Yoobin unnie?” Sunye released Sohee and rummaged through her bag, ignoring what Yoona just said. “Here we go. Aww, Ye Eun don’t cry. You’ll get some sleep soon so cheer up. Sleep makes you happy, right? Right?”

The pieces of tissue paper came into contact with the runny nose and Sunye’s palms with Ye Eun’s swollen eyes. Yoona and Yuri were left whispering while Sohee looked like she had fallen asleep standing up with her head resting on the wall, her wrists held by the one called ‘Yoobin.’

“Is it me or is this like having more than one Sica?” “I know what you mean, unnie. They love sleep, all right.” “Strange isn’t it?” “Yes. But what’s stranger is why Hyoyeon unnie thought of heels. I mean… Come on!” “Good point, Yoong. Good point.”

CHAPTER 5 It was a long walk from the edge of the beach to their lodge. Both of them soon forgot about their footprints, but not their sweaty palms and how the gaps between their fingers were filled with warmth as their arms swayed with every step. Taeyeon had only thought of food after she flicked a tiny crab off Tiffany’s leg and so decided to go back for their wallets. Little did they know that disaster had struck and all they were left to feast on were the shrimp inside Sooyoung’s brown paper bag.

“Seriously, what happened to the door?”

Tiffany proceeded inside like Taeyeon said while the latter went out back to check on Yuri and Yoona. From how Sooyoung described the situation and how perplexed Seohyun looked, she couldn’t keep the matter at bay.

“Guys?” “Taeng!” “Unnie!” “Oh hello.”

The last one had Taeyeon tilting her head. New friends? She thought at first glance, but upon examining the scene – a girl standing upright against the wall with her eyes closed, a slightly taller girl holding the sleeping one by the wrists, another with tissue paper surrounding the ground she stood on, and lastly, the smiling one – she expected a better explanation.

She stretched her arm toward the stranger who greeted her. “Good evening. Uh, I’m Taeyeon.” The smiling one took Taeyeon’s hand and shook it. “I’m Sunye. It’s nice to meet you. Well, I know we’ve caused a lot of trouble and you probably don’t know the entire story, but—” “It’s really our lodge!” Another piece of tissue paper fell to the ground and so did another tear. “Ye Eun, we’ll settle that tomorrow. Let’s just get inside and rest for awhile, okay?” Taeyeon unconsciously nodded. “Pardon me, but what’s really going on?”

Yoona was about to open her mouth, but Yuri nudged her quick enough to prevent a word from coming out. She cleared her throat instead.

“You see, we reserved this lodge and when we got here—” “There were a bunch of people inside! We want our lodge and we want it now!” My, my. Where have I heard that tone before? Taeyeon pondered, unaware that Yuri and Yoona thought of almost the same thing. “Uh, let’s talk about this inside.”

The breeze continuously rendered the door helpless. It made the solid rectangle flutter like it was as soft as curtains. Taeyeon held it closed so as not to interfere with the discussion that needed to be resolved.

“So how do you know that this is your lodge?” she started.

The rest of her friends sighed and stared at one another. Sunny was fanning Jessica and herself harder, exerting twice the effort whenever Jessica called for it Yoona was fiddling with one of the fishing poles while Yuri tried to use the other one as a balancing stick, placing it behind her neck and on her shoulders as she held it down with her arms. She then tried to raise her leg while turning her torso, subtly trying to do a work-out. Sooyoung was waiting for the toothy grinner’s mess-up. Hyoyeon and Seohyun had just finished grabbing seats for everyone while Tiffany stood by Taeyeon, poking the broken hinges of the door.

“Tsk,” she muttered.

The other group of friends was just as uncomfortable as they sat in front of total strangers. Another frightening thought that went through all of their heads was that they were significantly outnumbered. Sunye replied nonetheless.

“Like we’ve been saying, this is our lodge. We reserved it for a week because we’re on vacation. I even have the receipt number and the contact number of the person we consulted. Here.” She handed the pieces of paper to one member from ‘Team Taeyeon.’ Jessica skimmed through the ‘proof’ and nodded. “It seems pretty legit to me… But!” “But?!”

There were no more tears streaming down Ye Eun’s cheeks despite her tone sounding a tad bit weaker compared to a few minutes back when she bravely claimed that where they were sitting really was their lodge.

“But,” Jessica continued, “a pass proves what lodge you’re staying in. Do you have it?” The others remained silent while Jessica went on with her cross-examination. Sunye dipped one hand into her bag and shook her head, biting her lower lip. “Yoobin unnie, is it with you?” “Eh? I haven’t even seen it,” the tanned girl explained, crossing her legs and then uncrossing them again. She heard an almost silent cough from the one beside her. “Is it with you, Sohee?” Out came a yawn. “Hmm… here.”

The laminated card was revealed and with confidence, though her eyes appeared already halfclosed, Sohee held it in front of Jessica’s face as if to mock the latter. “See? It has the number nine. And what lodge is this?” Both of her eyebrows shot up. As if in a chorus, ‘Team Taeyeon’ answered: “Nine.” “I rest my case.” Taeyeon let go of the door and asked Tiffany to hold it shut in her stead. She bowed, her body forming a ninety-degree angle with her arms stuck to her sides. “On behalf of my friends, I apologize. We’ll move out right away and—” “Stop it, Taeng. You’re embarrassing yourself.” Jessica stood up and pulled Taeyeon back into a straightened position. She held the laminated card and turned it upside down. “So now what does it say?” Ye Eun faced Jessica with knitted brows. “Six, but that’s just because you turned it. It’s really nine! It just—” “Woah! Wait up. Let me see that.” Sunye abruptly ceased the silent celebration in her thoughts and kept her wits about her to address the sudden discovery.

Jessica flicked the small laminated card onto the table in the center and hid a grin. She sat back down next to Sunny and asked to be fanned once more. The others had stopped what they were doing and turned their attention to the single shred of evidence they had. Whether or not it would save them or break them, they didn’t know just yet.

Sunye nervously scratched the edges of the card and turned to Taeyeon. “Just to make sure, where’s your pass?” “I don’t—” Taeyeon looked around, taking time to stare at every face, from the one seated farthest away from her down to Tiffany who was still holding the door shut. “I don’t really know,” she finished with a little chuckle. Tiffany rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Yuri, you and Jessica were the first ones here, right?” Yuri answered. “Ye-yeah, but—” A chair was pushed back. “That’s that then. The card says nine not six and you guys don’t have anything to prove otherwise,” Ye Eun claimed as she stood. Sunye cleared her throat and joined Ye Eun in standing up in front of ‘Team Taeyeon.’ “We’ll help you guys move out so there won’t be any hard feelings, okay?” Taeyeon brushed her bangs back and was about to agree when, again, Jessica tried to defend. “The pass is here, but it’ll take awhile to get it. If you guys are so tired then you’ll leave for the sixth lodge and catch up on some sleep instead of staying here debating with us.” “Sica maybe—” Yuri tried to speak and got cut off again as soon as she heard Jessica click her tongue. With both hands clasping Jessica’s wrists, Seohyun pouted. “What’s going on, unnie? It’s like you’re hiding something.”

From the laminated card, everyone’s eyes moved to the flustered Jessica but no one was as curious as the youngest, who was more uncomfortable with the situation than her unnies.

“Don’t look at me like that, Seohyun.” “But why, unnie? Did you do something bad? If you did then I’ll understand. I promise.”

Despite the growing silence, everyone was losing their patience, including the already half-asleep Sohee who had taken the chance to lean on Yoobin’s shoulder. Jessica sighed. “Fine. I lost it. I lost it in the freakin’ AC!”

The mumble sounded more like a growl, but that was all that needed to be heard. Yuri decided to take the initiative and vouch that Jessica was indeed telling the truth. “I’ve been trying to get it out for hours, but I just can’t reach it. It really does say nine though. I swear!”

Sunye and Ye Eun exchanged glances and nodded. “Then we’ll just have to break the damn thing just to make sure you’re being honest,” they suggested.

Jessica’s mouth hung open. “That’ll take hours!!” Yoona’s eyes flashed a deep glow. “Don’t worry unnie! I’ll break it open with this fishing pole!” “Wha—Yoong, no!”

Her reflexes being at their best for the night, Hyoyeon grabbed her dongsaeng by the collar of her shirt and tried with all of her might to pull her back into the living room. “Sooyoung, help me!”

Already snacking on the shrimp in the brown paper bag, Sooyoung only replied with a moving mouth as she chewed. She frowned at Yuri, signaling that she was the only one who could talk some sense into the one armed with a fishing pole. The members of ‘Team Sunye’ were stuck giggling, except for the nearly unconscious Sohee, of course.

“Go, go, go! You can do it, Yoong!!” Yuri cheered. Taeyeon almost fell to the floor in disappointment. “Aish! Kwon Yuri, you idiot!” Sunny slammed the fan down on Jessica’s lap. “Hey! Watch it!” “Oops! Sorry~” Sunny’s eyes turned into slits as she smiled widely. “Yah! Stop that!” ‘Team Sunye’ couldn’t help but be amused, though their snickers couldn’t compete with the ruckus ‘Team Taeyeon’ was causing.

Yuri was still cheering Yoona on while Seohyun barred the door that led to the air-conditioner. Sooyoung was choking from laughing while chewing and Tiffany was dying to let go of the front door to regulate her friends’ behavior. Taeyeon had been thrown off for what seemed like the hundredth time with only one swing of Yoona’s arm, but she got up and tried once more to stop her dongsaeng, her short legs turning to jelly as they throbbed from exhaustion.

“Let go, unnie! I’m going to open it so we can get the pass!” Hyoyeon was already close to tearing off part of Yoona’s shirt. “Are you crazy?! The resort owners are going to ask us to pay for it if you break it!” “Yaaaaaah!” “U-unnie! Please don’t do this!” Seohyun’s slightly trembling body was pressed against the door of Jessica’s room and her arms were spread to her sides as she acted as a human barricade. The glow in Yoona’s eyes scared her. “Hyunnie, step aside! Super Yoong will save the day!” “Pfft! GO Super Yoong!”

Sunny could no longer hold in her longing to join in the fun. Teasing Jessica with more aegyo got boring after the latter decided to join the sleeping Sohee on the couch. “If you don’t stop right now, I won’t ever talk to you again!” “But Hyunnie—” “I’m serious!” “Ehhhh!!” “Put the pole down, Yoona unnie!” “Go Yoong!” Yuri cheered once more. “Yuri unnie, shut up!”

Another ‘Go Yoong’ was about to come out of Yuri’s mouth, but after the youngest’s words entered her ears, it was like the words took it upon themselves to rush back to her brain, going back to being ‘unthought’ thoughts.

“HAHAHAHA!!”

Sunny rolled on the floor, laughing the hardest out of everyone in the room. Even Taeyeon was caught off guard as she scrambled to get up again after being knocked down by Yoona. She ended up crashing into a wall while holding her stomach and laughing her head off. Sooyoung was already coughing her organs out to push the shrimp out of her throat. Hyoyeon loosened her grip on Yoona’s shirt and stepped back.

“You win, Hyunnie. I’ll stop,” Yoona said. She dropped the fishing pole and it landed near her feet. She smiled and earned a smile from Seohyun in return. “Peace?” “Peace.” The two pulled each other into a hug and the room was filled with ‘Awwww,’ but Yoona was ‘Super Yoong’ for a reason and poor Seohyun was too quick to melt. “KEKE! Gotcha, Hyunnie!”

Yuri’s mischievous apprentice made a smooth escape from Seohyun’s arms and slipped inside Jessica’s room with the fishing pole in hand. How she got it from the floor so fast, no one knew, but everyone except Seohyun fell down laughing at the absurdity of the goofy one’s actions.

“Get out of there, unnie!” Seohyun’s flat palm landed on the closed door’s surface. Hard. “Not until I get the pass and prove that Sica unnie is telling the truth!” “But you can’t—” “Don’t ever tell me that I can’t! I can do this! Just you wait and see, Hyunnie!”

After a heavy sigh, Seohyun rested her head on the door and closed her eyes. Yoona unnie is so childish, she thought. A warm hand firmly held her shoulder. She lifted her head to check. “Tiffany unnie?” “Don’t worry. She’ll give up sooner or later.” “I just hope she doesn’t get hurt.” “Well, in case she does, you have that first aid kit anyway.” Seohyun nodded. Tiffany smiled. “Good girl.”

The broken front door was left open. The breeze entered and filled the gasping lungs of everyone left inside as well as of those who stood on the front porch with tears in their eyes.

“It was nice to meet you, Taeyeon.” Sunye held her hand out as she gasped for air after laughing so hard. She wiped the tears that formed in the corner of her eye with her free hand. Taeyeon smiled and gladly shook the newly-found acquaintance’s hand. “You, too. I feel really bad that you all had to go through this. My friends are just weird.” Ye Eun’s eyes remained as watery as before, for a different reason this time. She wiped them with another piece of tissue paper and then she released another giggle. “Especially Super Yoong!” Out came another big laugh from Yoobin who, after a blur of events, ended up carrying Sohee on her back. She cleared her throat. “Sorry. It just cracks me up.” Sunye snorted. “Yeah. Me, too. Anyway, we’ll see you around Taeyeon. I guess we still have to look for that sixth lodge. Tell your friend to relax a bit more, okay?” “Sica?” Taeyeon turned her head to catch a glimpse of Jessica sprawled on the couch, already far away in dream land. “I think she just has her period. Don’t mind her. She’s usually pretty quiet so I’m sorta happy that she was active today.” “If you say so. Good night.” “Good night.”

The door didn’t look like it would be able to hold itself in place for another minute. Taeyeon motioned to Hyoyeon to help her bar it with a chair.

“What if someone breaks in?” Hyoyeon asked. “Oh yeah Good point,” Taeyeon said. “Should one of us stand guard?” “Would you like to volunteer, Hyo?” “No. Way.”

The living room reverted to silence and so did its inhabitants. The wall clock read eleven in the evening and the rest of the group’s faces read ‘tired.’ Sunny, Sooyoung and Seohyun had retreated to one of the rooms while Yuri set off to return the fishing poles to their proper display unit while trying not to wake Yoona who was flat on the floor snoring. Jessica was still on the couch.

Taeyeon was considering asking Tiffany to stay with her and keep watch for the night, but the latter’s expression while eating the leftover shrimp was enough to make the devil cry.

“I think I’ll be the one to do it, Hyo. Go get some rest and then tomorrow we can ask maintenance to fix this door or something.” “Good call. Night, Taeng.”

CHAPTER 6 Her small penlight barely scathed the dark beachfront as she went on her way. She repeatedly checked the message on her phone, squinting to read the small font and verifying that she was headed the right way as instructed by the sender.

“Lodge nine… Lodge nine…”

She was slowly losing the feeling of her bare feet against her flip-flops the longer she treaded on the fine sand. With what little energy she had left, she raised her legs to escape from the pull of the ground, staggering as her heavy duffel bag weighed her down.

“Aigoo! Sunye unnie… Where are you?”

She stopped and rubbed her eyes to free them from the sting of the consecutive attacks of the grains of sand, carelessly loosening her hold on the penlight.

“Dammit!”

Her eyes still not completely rid of the menacing sand, she crouched down and groped for her only companion under the starless sky, unfortunately staining her hands with more sand, and making it impossible to clear her vision with them. She stood up and decided to continue walking without the blasted penlight.

She muttered to herself: “Sunye unnie… Sohee…”

She fixed her hands far away from her body and then she moved her shoulder inward to adjust the duffel bag strap. Her feet were buried deeper in the sand after she lost hope in raising her legs to keep them from sinking. Nevertheless, she kept walking and though her hands weren’t fit to remove the dirt in her eyes, at least her tears were.

“I shouldn’t have taken extra lessons today,” went the helpless whisper, one tear landing on the sand, barely leaving a mark.

The winds were as strong as the waves, the moon unfortunately dimmer than her penlight. She sighed in relief as a foundation came into view after what seemed like days of walking and crying. She could’ve formed an oasis if she cried in one spot.

“Is this it?”

For the last time, she opened her phone and checked the message.

“Lodge nine, okay Sunmi-ah? If you can come, please be careful on your way. Good luck with your lessons today. Hwaiting! ^^”

“I bet Sunye unnie is asleep already. Hm, maybe I can snuggle up next to her.”

The door looked flimsy, but one gentle push wasn’t enough to open it. She tilted her head in disbelief. Did they lock me out? She thought. “Sun—”

She held it back. The last thing she wanted to do was wake her friends up and bother them. Having to turn down the offer in the first place was damaging enough. She relaxed her shoulders and let the duffel bag land next to her feet. The doorknob was wrapped against her palm next.

“Slowly… Slowly, Sunmi…” she reminded herself.

The hinges rattled, breaking parts of the wooden door even more the farther she pushed it open. Something inside was scratching the floor. She bit her lower lip, keeping her hands steady so that the doorway would be revealed exactly one inch after another. From what she could see through the narrow opening, the interior was deserted, only light snoring escaping from inside. Good. I didn’t wake them up, she rejoiced in her thoughts.

She picked up the duffel bag and proceeded to widening the gap in the doorway so she could enter. After carefully fitting herself through the doorway, she closed the door just as slowly as she opened it. Her mouth formed an ‘o’ after she realized what gave her such difficulty.

“What’s this chair doing here?”

She shrugged, picked it up by the edges of the backrest and settled it near the couch. She smiled upon seeing a familiar figure sprawled on it.

She knelt down next to the couch and whispered: “Poor Sunye unnie. She must’ve stayed up waiting for me. I’m really sorry unnie.”

The light snoring was definitely coming from her ‘Sunye unnie’ who was partly hidden under a blanket, and it made her smile, butterflies running through her body as if to tickle her. “I’ll talk to you in the morning. I hope you’re having sweet dreams.”

Relief taking over her senses, she set the duffel bag on the floor just inches away from the couch and lied down, using it as a pillow. She knew that beads of sweat hung on her brow and her hands were still clad in sand, but beloved sleep was more important. She closed her eyes. The empty ceiling was the last thing she saw.

The other nine knew that someone was bound to sleep on the floor. They could only afford a twobedroom lodge after all. Despite that, Taeyeon didn’t expect to spend her slumber under the dining table. Nonetheless, she settled for the spot because the floor was colder. And, of course, she couldn’t turn down that eye-smiling girl.

“Mnnn… Fany, the door’s open.” There was no response. “Fany, wake up,” Taeyeon said once more.

Rolled on her side, Tiffany had no intentions of getting up, much less open her eyes. On she went with her well-deserved rest after a chaotic evening with only a half-filled stomach that was rapidly digesting the small amount of shrimp she had.

Taeyeon had already propped herself up, almost all of her weight on her elbows as she leaned backwards. She swore she heard something creak, but soon dismissed it as nothing other than Jessica’s snoring. She lied back down and rolled on her side to face Tiffany.

“Fany?” she whispered. “Go to sleep, TaeTae. I know you’re tired.” “Okay.”

There was no eye-smile. There wasn’t even a smile, but Taeyeon’s severe temporary amnesia disorder took over and her ears were freshly rid of whatever creaking sound there was just moments ago. This is getting worse, she thought. Believing that she owed herself the opportunity, she placed one arm over Tiffany and held her close.

“I promise I won’t ever forget to let you eat dinner again. I’m sorry.”

Another pair of eyes closed. Both girls laying on the floor, rolled on their sides, their foreheads almost touching, and their breaths just short of each other’s cheeks, a smile-less sleeping face was the last captured image.

It was dark. It was dark because she knew she was falling asleep again, and her unconscious self was being drawn into a shimmering corner. She walked toward it, knowing she was still lying on the floor and that the warmth she felt under her arms was from a living, breathing creature named Tiffany. Nevertheless, she went to greet that bright light amidst the darkness.

Gummy worms, huh? She thought to herself as the treats danced around her with their neon colors spilling to the floor, transforming the dark space into something like a rainbow. She was standing at one end of it and the gummy worms were heading toward the opposite end. She followed.

Where are they taking me? She pondered. Step after step, the colors seemed to grow brighter and she had to shield her eyes with one arm. She realized that her other arm was immobile because she still had it around Tiffany. Now, she was confused. She was supposed to be dreaming and she knew it, but what had her thinking even harder was the fact that a part of her was torn off and still left in reality.

“Let go, Taeyeon. And sleep just like Fany said.”

She heard herself inside her head. She tried to move her other arm; it was stiff. She tried to jerk it once more; it flinched. She tried to stretch her fingers; they trembled. She sighed and went on in pursuit of the gummy worm tour guides. At the opposite end of the rainbow-colored ground stood a figure she knew, a figure she knew too well. There stood the same Taeyeon with an arm around the same Tiffany.

“Miyoung?” “Stop calling me that!” “Sorry. It sounds cute though.” “Hmph. I don’t care! I don’t like it.” “Okay, okay. Hey Fany-ah?” “Yeah? What is it?” The sea, the white sand, the green palm trees – perfect. “Fany, I—” “Taeyeon-ah, I—”

Her eyes remained closed, but the dream had stopped. Her consciousness had overlapped with unconsciousness once again and she failed to ‘let go’ as she said.

Instead, Taeyeon was stuck sleeping. She was stuck with the biological sense of the word because that was the only thing reality could offer, and the dream was left residing where the impossible lurked, together with the gummy bear tour guides and the rainbow-colored ground. But what about the same Taeyeon and the same Tiffany? She thought with the last of her active brain cells.

The wall clock read three in the morning. A few hours later, the youngest was already out of bed. “Rise and shine, Tiffany unnie!!” THUD “Dammit! Seohyun!” “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t—Taeyeon unnie, I’m so sorry!”

Biting down on her lower teeth in agony, Taeyeon rubbed her forehead. Her vision was blurred for a second or two. And then she saw a tearing Seohyun in front of her. Ouch, she thought.

“Should I get some ice?”

The bump felt like a freshly squeezed pimple, but the pain was twice as unbearable. Taeyeon slid out from under the steel table and tried to stand up, still feeling rather woozy.

“Please do,” she replied.

With tears still crashing down her cheeks, Seohyun flashed a slight smile. She hurriedly opened the refrigerator only to find it empty and even worse, unplugged. “Just take a cube out or something,” Taeyeon muttered.

Seohyun was having second thoughts about facing her unnie with the truth. “Something wrong, Seohyun?” “Uhh… The fridge is unplugged.” “So there’s no ice?” “N-no. There isn’t anything in here, unnie. But I have a first aid kit if—”

Taeyeon wasn’t listening. She breathed in, held the air inside her and closed her eyes as if meditating. It was annoying enough that she ended her film show of a dream after hearing Tiffany say a broken ‘Taeyeon-ah, I—’ but having to bear the burden of dealing with a headache in the morning was just too much.

I just had to sit up after hearing her name, didn’t I? She regretted. She combed her bangs to cover the injury and squatted next to the dining table to wake Tiffany.

“Get up. Let’s get breakfast.” “… Five minutes.” “Five minutes my butt! Get up. I’ll pay for whatever you want. You barely ate anything last night and I’m hungry, too. Come on before the others get up and hear me offering free breakfast!” Tiffany’s eyes were slowly opening, but she quickly rolled on her other side and ignored Taeyeon’s badgering. “Hnnn…We’ll eat later.” Taeyeon turned to face Seohyun and sighed. “Do you want to get some breakfast with me? My treat.”

The youngest hung her head low and mumbled to herself. She couldn’t have possibly said yes after the pain she caused when all she wanted to do was wake Tiffany up so she could wake everyone else with her loud, heaven-sent voice. She was the best one for the job.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to. I’ll be on my way then. If you think of something you want, I’ll buy it for you after I come back.”

Taeyeon washed her hands in the sink and splashed a handful of water on her face to fully wake herself up. She shook the excess water away and wiped her cheeks with her shirt sleeve, being mindful of not hitting the bump on her forehead.

“I didn’t want to ruin your day, unnie. Please forgive me.”

The back of Taeyeon’s head came into contact with the doused cheeks of the youngest and her small frame was caressed by slender arms from behind as she stood in front of the kitchen sink. She smiled.

“You didn’t ruin my day. I was just startled and… You know, I have a lot of things—No, never mind. Let’s just go for some breakfast, yeah?”

Seohyun didn’t let go of her petite unnie. She allowed the rest of her tears to land on the head of hair in front of her. All she could see was part of the back of Taeyeon’s neck; all she could smell was what was left of the wooden floor’s moist scent on Taeyeon’s skin; all she felt was Taeyeon’s damp hands on her forearms.

“Seohyun, you can’t cry over everything like this. You should know that I’m not the kind of person who lashes out so what you saw just now was just another side of me. It’s a side of me that I don’t show anyone because I know they’ll get hurt. I should be the one asking for your forgiveness because I couldn’t control myself and I ended up taking part of my frustration out on you. And it just isn’t right. Do you understand?” “I understand.” “That’s good. Stop sobbing then and let’s go out for some breakfast—” “Let’s stay like this for awhile. Please?” “But—” “At least let me comfort you for a bit.”

Another smile formed on Taeyeon’s lips as she nodded. A small drop from the faucet landed on the sink almost secretively as both of them stood still: Taeyeon’s eyes on the view of the beachfront from the kitchen window while Seohyun’s were set on the slightly curling tips of the older one’s hair. Her tears had dried and so did her lips. She moistened them with the tip of her tongue and held Taeyeon closer.

“We should wake Tiffany unnie up so she could come with us, too.” “I guess we can try.” “Just pinch her cheeks! That always works for you guys, doesn’t it?” “It does.” Taeyeon turned and Seohyun released her. Both of them returned to the girl under the steel table and squatted. “Fany-ah!!” Taeyeon pinched both of the sleeping girl’s cheeks like she used to. Now that I think about it, her cheeks don’t seem as chubby anymore, she realized. “Yaaaaah…”

Tiffany was now flat on her back, her mouth hanging open while both cheeks were captured, and her arms stretched above her head. Seohyun giggled.

“If you don’t get up right now, I’ll have to tickle you!” “Owkay, owkay! Shweesh! Ret gwo awrready!”

Taeyeon gave in and stood up while Seohyun helped Tiffany crawl out from under the table. All three were standing before each other in a matter of seconds with only Tiffany yawning and stretching. She rubbed her eyes and blinked to clear her vision, shaking away the dust that the sandman could have sprinkled while she was off sleeping.

“Fix your hair, will you?” Tiffany said. Her hands smoothly travelled through Taeyeon’s hair, subtly caressing a couple of strands as she brushed the bangs back and revealed, to her surprise, a swollen spot on Taeyeon’s forehead. “Omo! What happened?!” “Ah, unnie. It’s… It’s my fault.”

Seohyun raised her hand as if reciting in class. She held it up until Tiffany took a second to look at her. “I wanted to wake you up, but I startled Taeyeon unnie so—” “It’s okay, Seohyun,” Taeyeon took a step back, freeing her hair from Tiffany’s fingers and letting her bangs shelter her injury once again. “We should just go and eat now,” she finished with a little hop as if cheering. She took both of Tiffany’s hands and led her to the sink. “Wash your face. We’ll wait for you by the front door. Be quick, okay?” Taeyeon said.

Tiffany examined the sink, which had traces of water on its walls like dew drops on leaves on a spring morning. It made her imagine that the bump on Taeyeon’s forehead was like a molten rock left to break under the unsuspecting brownish summer grass similar to how Taeyeon’s bangs were positioned to protect the injury.

“Fine,” she replied.

Taeyeon and Seohyun made their way to the living room and she was left with her hands under the faucet and her attention on the beachfront just outside the window. She expected a bright, yellow morning, but the scene was strangely dark and orange. It didn’t cater to her taste exactly and she ended up blinding herself with a handful of water instead.

She kept her eyes open as she rubbed the rest of her face clean, enduring the sting the water caused as her eyes were left defenseless against it. The water wasn’t as cold as she expected and it failed to wake the other half of her that was still somewhere under the dining table with its eyes closed and snoring. It didn’t take another splash of water to shake her up, though, but a sudden shaking of her shoulder.

“I knew the door opened last night. Tsk. I just knew it.” “Huh?” “Seems someone got in. Come on.”

CHAPTER 7 “Do we wake her or what?” “I think that would be best, unnie.”

Tiffany and Seohyun stood close by while Taeyeon knelt beside the figure on the floor. She moved its hair to reveal a face for identification. The intruder seemed harmless. Poor girl. Her neck must hurt from sleeping on her bag, she assumed.

“Excuse me.” Taeyeon lightly slapped the sleeping intruder’s cheek. Tiffany and Seohyun were anxiously watching. The intruder didn’t flinch. “Hey,” Taeyeon whispered, crouched next to the intruder and hissing right into her ear. She got a small moan in reply. Tiffany pulled Taeyeon back by the collar. “What do you think you’re doing? Don’t get close like that!” “But—” “Unnie, she’s opening her eyes!” Seohyun clasped a hand against her mouth to keep the volume of her voice from rising. Taeyeon stood up, her shirt still in Tiffany’s clutches, and watched the intruder sit up while yawning.

“Mnnnn… Sohee? Is that you?” Now where have I heard that name before? Taeyeon dug into her thoughts. Tiffany had just let go of her shirt and she was now free to move. She got back to her kneeling position and faced the freshly risen girl.

“Hi there. Uh… You’re Sunye’s friend, aren’t you?” Taeyeon said. “Hm? Ye-yes. Sunye unnie is—”

The drowsy-looking girl patted the figure on the couch and then turned her attention back to the kneeling girl beside her, finally realizing that something was wrong.

“Wait a minute. Who are you? What are you doing in our lodge?” she said. “This isn’t your lodge. Uh... Oh goodness. How do we fix this? See, last night there was a misunderstanding and now Sunye and the others are over at the sixth lodge. They didn’t tell you?” “No, they didn’t. Wait! Sunye unnie is right here, though.” The ‘intruder’ pulled the blanket off of her ‘Sunye unnie,’ exposing an unfamiliar face different from the one she swore she saw the night before. She could’ve sworn it was who she thought it was. It just had to be her, she tried to convince herself. “That’s our friend Sica. Anyway, what do you say we help you find the sixth lodge? We’re going out for breakfast anyway.” “I see. Thank you.” Taeyeon tilted her head downwards. With her eyes, she followed the girl who bowed while still sitting on the floor. She found it quite amusing. “No problem. I’m Taeyeon, by the way.” “Ah. You can call me Sunmi. I’m sorry for the trouble especially for breaking in and sleeping here. I just followed the text message Sunye unnie sent me and it was getting late so I guess I lost my head. I won’t be too much of a bother. I promise.” Taeyeon held her hand out toward Sunmi and both of them got up from the floor hand-in-hand. She shook Sunmi’s hand momentarily. “There. Let’s shake hands so there won’t be any hard feelings. And before I forget, these are my friends, Ti-ppany and Seohyun.” She gestured with her free hand toward the two who were mentioned. “Hi.” Tiffany gave a little wave. “It’s nice to meet you,” Seohyun added. Sunmi smiled and nodded. “Now that that’s out of the way, shall we go?” Taeyeon suggested. She let go of Sunmi’s hand and bent to her side to get Sunmi’s duffel bag. She met a quick denial. Sunmi dove for her bag and tugged on the strap. “No, you don’t have to. I’m okay with carrying it by myself. I’ve bothered you enough.” Taeyeon didn’t let go. “It’s fine. I’ll carry it for you since you still look sleepy. It’s not that heavy anyway.” “Really, please let me carry it. You shouldn’t trouble yourself with things like this.” “And neither should you. It’s fine with me if I carry it for now.” Taeyeon giggled, the strap already resting on her shoulder despite Sunmi’s grip on it. “If you want to wash your face, use the kitchen sink. It’s nearer. We’ll wait for you here.” Sunmi’s hand slid down the strap and finally went back to her side. “Okay. I’ll just go wash up and when I get back, you’ll have to give me the bag. Deal?” “Okay, okay.”

After hearing Taeyeon’s reply, Sunmi headed for the kitchen. She hurriedly cleaned her face and let the weak breeze inside the kitchen dry it. It took awhile for her to feel the vibrating in her pocket.

The message read: “Sunmi, where are you?” “Unnie…”

She jammed the phone back into her pocket and met up with Taeyeon, Tiffany and Seohyun who were already outside by the front door or, at least, what was left of it.

“All set?” Taeyeon handed the bag over like they agreed. Sunmi nodded. “Yeah.”

After Tiffany set the chair to hold the broken door still, the four of them set out for the sixth lodge. The dark orange scene Tiffany witnessed earlier was now taking on a brighter shade of yellow just as she wanted it to be in the first place. She felt something slip into the emptiness of the spaces between her fingers.

“Taeyeon-ah, what—” “Nothing.”

Seohyun and Sunmi were a few steps ahead, unaware of the flustered Taeyeon or the curious Tiffany. The walk went on with silence wrapping around the four girls and the sun rising in the background, taking the heat up with it.

“So Sunmi, why weren’t you with your friends last night?” Sunmi turned around, faced Taeyeon and pursed her lips. Her toes were disappearing more into the sand as she walked backwards. “Well, I had extra lessons yesterday so I thought I wouldn’t be able to come. When I got home and read a message Sunye unnie sent, I guess I realized that I was missing out on a lot of fun so I decided to come anyway.” “Cool,” Taeyeon smiled.

Sunmi flashed one of her own before going back to walking forward. She stole a glance at Seohyun who seemed to be fascinated by the flock of birds that was slowly coming into view as they walked. She decided to mind it as well.

The white creatures were swarming around something. What it was, no one quite knew. Sunmi decided to rush over to check. “Oh no! Poor thing…” “What is—Oh my!” Seohyun quickly turned away, the gruesome scene proving to be too much for her. Tiffany stood a good two feet away from Taeyeon who was satisfying her curiosity by unveiling what it was that was worth stopping for. “Whatever it is, don’t touch it!” she ordered. “It looks like it’s still alive though.” Taeyeon held the wet, grayish creature half-covered in sand, with both hands. The other three were clearly disgusted. “I’m going to throw it back into the water. Wait for me, okay?” “Okay,” Sunmi answered, being the only one who responded out of the other three.

Taeyeon hurried to the shoreline. Her feet were instantly greeted by an incoming wave. She took a quick step back to avoid wetting her pants’ legs again, but ended up having the creature slip from her hands. “Aish!” She grabbed it again, considering throwing it as hard as she could so it would land on the deeper part of the sea, but to her disappointment, it lied motionless in her hands.

“Hey…” She curled her fingers, letting the tips poke into the cold being of the creature. It didn’t move. One of its eyes hung helplessly outside the socket, drooping toward its open mouth. Its scales shone bright grey despite the sand’s invasion of not only its fins and tail, but also reaching its stiff lips and inside its mouth. Taeyeon gently laid it on the shore. She examined her hands afterwards and found that they were covered in blood.

“Sorry little guy,” she whispered as another wave approached her. She stepped back and watched as the blue blanket of water wrapped around the deceased fish and pulled it back into the depths of its home. She bent forward and rinsed her hands after another wave arrived. A familiar voice was heard from behind.

“Did you save it?” Taeyeon turned around. “It died. I guess it was too late.” “That’s okay, unnie. At least you tried.”

The strong gust of wind carried the dripping saltwater from Taeyeon’s hands to the surface of her pants, forming tiny spots. The other girl quickly took the doused limbs and wiped them dry with her palms.

“Your clothes will get dirty if you leave your hands wet, Taeyeon unnie.” “But Sunmi, your hands will smell, too, if—”

“I’m going to wash up later anyway. Don’t worry, unnie.”

The two returned to their companions who had found the lodge they were in quest of. Tiffany was the first to ask about the attempted ‘fish rescue.’ Taeyeon just shook her head.

“I guess I’ll see you guys around.” Sunmi bowed. A bright smile followed.

Taeyeon, Tiffany and Seohyun gave smiles of their own and waved goodbye. Just as Sunmi was knocking on the sixth lodge’s door, the other three had already started walking toward the array of food stalls lined up opposite of the beach.

Tiffany’s fingers quietly slid down Taeyeon’s forearm and toward the latter’s wrist. Taeyeon quickly pulled her arm back. “My hands are stinky.” “Eeew!” Taeyeon laughed. “I know.” Seohyun secretly smiled at the two’s short conversation. They approached an open stall.

A tall, pale young lady in a pink apron caught Taeyeon’s eye while Tiffany and Seohyun mused about what to purchase out of the menu. They pointed to a few items listed on the chalkboard leaning on one of the stall’s posts.

“Good morning,” Taeyeon greeted the still drowsy-looking lady at the counter. “Do you have some tissue?” The pale young lady flung long, dark hair over a shoulder and raised a finger before disappearing into a small enclosed space. Taeyeon guessed that it was the kitchen. She took the time to examine her hands, braving the odds of them smelling utterly repulsive. She closed her eyes.

Poor little fish, she thought as the image of blood dripping from her nails magnified. She recalled those dead eyes, how she had been too late and how despite that loss she saw Sunmi smile. She saw a stranger smile. She had concentrated too much on imagery that she didn’t mind the stench that entered her nose.

“Stop being gross.” Tiffany swatted Taeyeon’s hands away from in front of Taeyeon’s nose and frowned. The pale lady came into view and was again at the counter. She handed Taeyeon a box of tissue.

“Thank you,” Taeyeon responded. She took a few slips and turned to Tiffany while wiping her hands. “Wanna smell them, too?” “Unnie, no!” Seohyun protested, saving her Tiffany unnie from Taeyeon’s hands.

The counter was vacated once more and the three girls failed to notice.

The smell of gas lingered in the enclosed space where the tall one retreated to. A companion was preparing the stove.

“Chullie, have they ordered?” The companion asked as he left the stove to approach his pale friend. The latter turned around and leaned back to sink into the companion’s arms. “No. They’re a bit slow, aren’t they?” “Don’t be mean.” The companion’s breath sank into the pale one’s ears as his arms wound tighter around the latter, making the latter blush. “You said they seem familiar. Have we seen them around school?” The pale one shrugged. “Beats me.” “Well, you better get out there and wait for them to order. And don’t go scaring them off with your ‘cool’ attitude, all right?” There was no response. “Heechul!” “Yeah, yeah. I get it Hanny.”

Back at the counter, a scene of shades of brown greeted Heechul. There was nothing but the long stretch of sand and the trunks of palm trees that were scattered in the horizon. The three girls were nowhere to be seen, but a sudden movement from the side of the stall caused the dismissal of the notion.

“Ah, unnie. Did I startle you?” “Not really,” Heechul replied, observing the girl’s round cheeks. “Are you going to order?” Seohyun blinked. There was a moment of silence. “O-oppa?” “What?” “No, I mean… You’re an oppa.” “Yeah. So?” Seohyun bowed as it came naturally for her. The boyish tone of the ‘unnie’ had finished registering in her brain. “I’m sorry for calling you ‘unnie.’” Heechul smirked. “Nah. That’s fine. Don’t bow like that!” “O-okay.” Seohyun straightened up, but was still thinking twice about smiling. Heechul got his pen and paper ready. “Where are your friends?”

“They went off to talk, I think.” “Ah.”

The two kept eye contact: Heechul with his pen and paper and Seohyun with Taeyeon’s wallet. The number of blinks each of them had was minimal. Heechul was the first to break.

“What can I get you?”

Seohyun tilted her head to the side and shyly pointed at Heechul. Her legs were trembling and the front edge of her slipper brushed against the toes of her other foot. She tried to muster the courage to open her mouth to reveal her intentions.

“You want me?” One end of Heechul’s pen landed on his chest. He intercepted Seohyun’s gaze with his wide eyes. “Well, of course you do,” he continued with another smirk. Seohyun giggled, her nervousness having already faded after hearing Heechul’s smug reply.

CHAPTER 8 “What do you want to talk about?”

The scene of brown drowned in yellow, as if a five-year-old had stroked the landscape with a brush dipped in watercolor. Worn-out, damp watercolor. Tiffany minded the blue streaks instead. Taeyeon was seated on the dry sand beside her. The thought was somewhere on the surface of their minds: What are we doing here?

“If you won’t talk then I will,” Taeyeon began. The shore was deserted. She could’ve sworn it was almost the same atmosphere as that in her interrupted dream. “How do you feel about—Hey, Fany?” A slight smile was painted on Tiffany’s lips. Taeyeon could tell despite Tiffany’s hair covering the side of her head. She removed a slipper and let her toes touch Tiffany’s similarly exposed ones. “Are you listening to me or are you too busy spacing out?” “Of course I’m listening. Go on. What do I feel about what?” “About not getting to hold my hand.” Tiffany giggled, leaning back as she did so. “I’d rather not touch your stinky hands for now, TaeTae. Gross! You just had to pick that fish up, huh?” Taeyeon’s toes fit, though not perfectly, in between Tiffany’s. The sand was relentlessly trying to disturb the cohesion by getting in between. “We can just hold toes for now.” Taeyeon laughed. “Does that make sense?”

“No.” Tiffany continued to giggle. The strengthened roaring of the waves competed with her voice. “But it’ll have to do for now. Ah. You know, I had a weird dream last night.”

Tiffany took the words right out of Taeyeon’s mouth or rather, she pushed them further in. After learning of the coincidence, Taeyeon didn’t feel like relating what happened with the gummy worm tour guides. “What was it about?” she asked, ceasing wriggling her toes between Tiffany’s.

“I can’t remember everything, but you were there sitting just like what we’re doing right now. But…” Tiffany’s hazel eyes seemed darker the longer Taeyeon looked into them. Was it a bad dream? Taeyeon thought. She blinked and pinched Tiffany’s cheek. “Was I smiling like this, Fany-ah?”

Splash

A two-fold wave delayed the reply. Morning had definitely come, but neither one minded the heat or the murmuring waves. They sat there – each had one foot deprived of a slipper – and locked eyes.

Taeyeon was still smiling; Tiffany was trying to.

“I couldn’t see that well. I’m sorry.”

Taeyeon’s thumb slid down the caressed cheek. How long has it been since I realized that I wanted to do this? She asked in her thoughts. And how long has she been letting me? “That’s what makes it strange. You were right there. I could’ve touched you if I wanted to—” “But you didn’t want to?” “No. I—It’s not that. I was just...”

Taeyeon twisted and got on her knees, still caressing Tiffany’s cheek. She rested her chin on Tiffany’s shoulder. It could have been the morning breeze, but Tiffany gave off a fresh scent. It was something distinctly like the woodlands with a tinge of pine or some other citrus fruit she couldn’t name. It wasn’t perfume and Taeyeon knew that. “Dreams are just dreams. They’re like fan fiction, you know? Just made-up stuff about what really happened. You were probably hungry.” “Aren’t you freaked out? I mean, I dreamt of you and—” “If I dreamt of you...”

Taeyeon’s hand fell to Tiffany’s free shoulder. Then it slipped behind Tiffany’s neck. She whispered once more, “If I dreamt of you, would you be freaked out?”

The obvious answer was ‘no’ as both of Tiffany’s arms bound Taeyeon’s frame. She buried her face in the nook of Taeyeon’s neck and shook her head to respond to the question. She heard a little laugh.

“That tickles.” Taeyeon lifted her head from Tiffany’s shoulder and pulled away slightly from their awkward embrace. “Uh-oh… Wait a minute.” “Mnn…”

Tiffany felt Taeyeon’s breath near her ear. A few seconds later, she felt it on her cheek. She could tell that Taeyeon was holding it in, bit by bit. She turned her head slightly toward the direction of the weak gusts and licked her dry lips. Taeyeon was clearly sweating.

“What are you doing now?” Tiffany asked, loosening her grip on Taeyeon’s torso. She guessed that her breath touched Taeyeon’s cheek in return after seeing a drop of sweat being pushed back. “I touched you and forgot that my hands are stinky.” “Yah! Kim Taeyeon!!”

Tiffany pulled her arms back and scurried a few feet from Taeyeon almost as fast as the waves retreated to the vastness of the blue depths. Her expression was unreadable, as if a five-year-old smeared the whole pallet of watercolor on her face. Worn-out, damp watercolor.

Taeyeon held the rest of her laughter back and stood up, preparing to go after Tiffany. “Don’t worry. I bet you don’t smell too much like fish. But do you want to go back to the lodge now and wash up?” Sand had entered a few nooks and crannies not only in Tiffany’s clothing, but a few parts of her body as well. She left her slippers a few feet from the shore and walked backwards toward the wet shoreline. “Let’s go swimming instead!” “Eh?!” Taeyeon’s eyes widened. “In these clothes?!” “Why not?”

Splash

The blue denim appeared blackish after the saltwater seeped into the microscopic, almost atomsized knots that it was made of. Tiffany giggled after her sneaky water attack and proceeded to her ‘swim.’

Taeyeon examined her wet pants and sighed. She returned to sitting on the sand and observed how Tiffany’s dark brownish hair fluttered as a flock of large, white birds darted past the clouds in the background, how Tiffany’s slightly loose white shirt still clung to her chest and displayed her shapely figure, how half of Tiffany’s legs had disappeared beneath the waves as she played in the water.

Her eyes crawled back upwards and met Tiffany’s hazel ones once more. She smiled.

“If you want, you can take your pants off!” Tiffany called out. She had gotten farther and her legs had fully disappeared from Taeyeon’s view.

Taeyeon shook her head, bent her legs to sit down and rested her elbows on her knees. Her knuckles came into contact with her cheeks and she smelled the remnants of the fish’s corpse. She breathed in, taking the nasty odor as deep into her body as she could manage. She hoped it would wake her up. She hoped it would smell bad enough to make her want to close her eyes and vomit inside her mouth. She hoped it would happen as if it was the only way to make the object of her affection disappear from her view as easily as the saltwater took Tiffany’s legs. She hoped and was still hoping even after seeing Tiffany’s outstretched hand. It stuck out of the blue sea like a drinking straw floating in a lemonade-filled glass.

“Swim with me, TaeTae.” “We’ll come back with the others later.” “Swim with me,” Tiffany repeated.

After a silent sigh kept to herself, Taeyeon slowly stood up, cursing herself for not changing into more comfortable clothes before they left the lodge. She shrugged it off after realizing that Tiffany hadn’t changed her clothes, either. She went toward her beckoning friend. The first few steps were easy and she found the waves warm and inviting, probably because of the sun’s scattered influence. She took a few more, allowing her denim pants to accommodate more saltwater. She felt them tighten around her thighs.

“Go, go, go Granny Kim!!” Tiffany cheered, teasing Taeyeon for being slow. She was oblivious to the fact that ‘Granny Kim’ was being weighed down by her drenched trousers. “Yah! Stop moving! I can’t reach that far!” Taeyeon cried out.

With only their heads above the water, the two tried to keep from being swept away by the waves; anchoring themselves to the slightly softened sea floor by use of their toes. They held hands as a precautionary measure.

“Can you still breathe?” Tiffany asked after stealing a glance of a wide-eyed, round-mouthed Taeyeon. Taeyeon coughed. “A little bit. It’s getting deeper so maybe we should turn back.” “Hmm…” Tiffany paused. She turned her head slightly to face the rest of the blue stretch that was the sea. An upward stream of water, almost appearing to be a cloud of mist, could be made out if she squinted, as a jet ski glided above the deeper waters. She felt a tug on her hand. “Fa-Fany…,” Taeyeon tried to utter while keeping herself from swallowing the saltwater. The tips of her hair up to half of its entire length had been submerged. They hadn’t moved an inch, but it was as if the sea floor pulled their toes forward or it had transformed into a slow conveyor belt, placing them in a deeper spot. She was already tempted to get on tip-toe.

Tiffany giggled and tightened her hold on Taeyeon’s hand, signaling that she wouldn’t be letting go any time soon, though she was finding it hard to maintain her balance. She turned her attention back to the girl she was holding hands with. “Let’s stay a little bit longer. It’s nice having the beach all to ourselves, don’t you think? When we come back later, I bet this place is gonna be swamped with people again.” “Good point.”

Another wave came rolling by and the two had to stand their ground, gripping each other’s hands underwater as if trying to trap the water in between their fingers.

“Hey.” Tiffany’s softened eyes met Taeyeon’s.

Taeyeon took one step back, pulling her sinking foot out of the murky sea floor, in partial shock. And then she paused to savor the moment. Her bangs were once again brushed back, but this time with a wet hand. She winced as the pain from her injured forehead surged through the rest of her body. Droplets of saltwater hung on her eyebrows while some ran down the side of her head.

“Does it still hurt?” Tiffany asked. “Yes,” Taeyeon answered.

Tiffany put one finger inside her mouth, creating a widespread salty sensation within it. Then she took it out and dipped it back into the water while her other hand remained in Taeyeon’s.

Taeyeon watched, confused as she saw the finger coming toward her forehead.

“What are you—”

“Relax,” Tiffany assured. She pushed her salty fingertip against the reddish bump and then circled it afterwards. The faint sound of the jet ski’s engine collided with the walls of her ears as she carefully attended to the injury. “Salt can heal, too. I wonder if it’ll work on you,” she said, circling the injury like she was applying ointment. With knitted brows and the dash of aching on her forehead, Taeyeon replied: “That’s only for bacteria, Fany.” “Ehh?! For real?” Tiffany ceased her circling and left her arm in mid-air. “For real,” Taeyeon confirmed, her voice shaking from trying not to laugh. “So I guess that means you have ten points less than your expected test score, huh?”

Tiffany clicked her tongue in annoyance at her revealed mistake. The question had come up in their final exam and she answered it with confidence, believing that she had won over the others. She let out a heavy sigh, let go of Taeyeon’s hand and felt the back of her neck as if to comfort herself while the other hand rested idly on her side.

“Thank you for spoiling my dream of passing the finals. Thanks a whole bunch!” Tiffany added. Taeyeon laughed. “I’m sure you did just fine. Stop worrying about it and enjoy the rest of our vacation.”

Tiffany let out another sigh and shook her head. Her hand fell from the back of her neck and disappeared underwater where, to her surprise, Taeyeon caught it. “Cheer up,” Taeyeon said with a smile. She reached for Tiffany’s other hand and was now holding both, trapping more water in between. She felt a little more satisfied. She waited for the other girl to return her smile. “I guess you’re right. It’s over and done with anyway. Let’s get back to the lodge, TaeTae.” “Not until you smile for me,” Taeyeon bargained, trying more to be sweet than comforting. Tiffany stuck the tip of her tongue out in response. “And what if I don’t?” “Then we’ll just stay here until you do.” “For real?” “For real.” Taeyeon let out a little chuckle, ineffectively hiding the fact that she was seriously considering it. Tiffany left Taeyeon’s eyes and looked up at the clearing sky. The clouds had dispersed and they were left with no shelter from the sun. She closed her eyes momentarily to refrain from straining them and plopped her head back down. Her eyes slowly opened and she was greeted by a big splash of water. “Hey!!” “Sorry. The idea was too good to resist!” Taeyeon defended after she shot a small stream of water from her mouth like a water gun.

Tiffany hurriedly broke the hold her fingers had around Taeyeon’s and tried to wipe her face with both hands. “That was gross!” “I’m sorry. You just looked so spaced out again so I—Hey!!” “Take that! And that!! Ha! You. Naughty. Little. Shorty!!” “Oww… It hurts!” Taeyeon tried to cover her face with her hands.

The consecutive blows to her injury were making her teary-eyed, and her feet were stuck too deep in the sand beneath them to move away. She was starting to fall over and was forced to spread her arms to her sides to get her balance back.

Tiffany took advantage of the opening and planted one last, force-filled poke on the reddish turned black wound.

“There! That’ll teach you to spit on my face!” “I didn’t… actually spit…” Taeyeon responded while biting her lip from the intense aftershock the nerves on her forehead were facing. “It was more of a squirt, if you ask me,” she continued, ignoring the other girl’s furious expression.

Tiffany turned her head to divert her eyes, but stole glances at the recuperating shorty next to her. The jet ski’s engine filled her ears again and probably woke her conscience as she cupped Taeyeon’s face and examined the bump. A pair of watery eyes met her gaze. “I’m sorry if I upset you, Ti-ppany. I just wanted to cheer you up somehow,” Taeyeon shyly explained. “Silly dork,” Tiffany mumbled as she lightly tapped the surface of the wound. “If you want to cheer me up, you should be careful not to hurt yourself like this,” she added while brushing Taeyeon’s bangs away to get a better look at the damage she caused.

They remained silent and the jet ski’s growling died down together with a wave that crashed on the shore. Tiffany was still preoccupied with the blackened wound. Taeyeon tried to peer into what was beneath the blue, salty water that surrounded them, counting backwards from one hundred.

She doubted that Tiffany could see her mouthing nonsense, much less care. “Twenty-nine, twenty-eight, twenty-seven—”

And she doubted even more when something warm made her jolt. It hurt. It was warm and soft, but it hurt, and an added sensation made her realize everything was wet: her pants, her shirt; part of her

neck and cheeks; as well as a few eyelashes. The hold of her toes on the softened sea floor loosened and she closed her eyes. It felt too good and it pierced her insides even more that she could fall and let herself be captured in the other girl’s arms without having the conviction to tell herself that she should hold back. How long has she been doing this to me? She gritted her teeth. And how long have I been letting her?

“That should make it feel better in no time.” Tiffany finally smiled after she created space between her and Taeyeon once again. Taeyeon didn’t reply. “Hello? Can you hear me?” “Yes.” Taeyeon’s dimples made another appearance. She opened her eyes and found a pouting Tiffany. “What’s with that face?” “Nothing. We should get back to the lodge and change. I’m getting kinda hungry, too.” “Same here,” Taeyeon replied, her pearly whites shining as much as her watery eyes. Whatever it is, I’ll let her do this to me just a little while longer, she decided.

They got out of the water, gathered their slippers and walked back to their lodge, hand-in-hand.

Tiffany had completely forgotten about the fish-smell that covered Taeyeon’s hands and asked herself if she had been actually thinking straight from the time she woke up until the moment she puckered her lips and let them land on Taeyeon’s saltwater-covered wound. She aimed to clear her actions of any added suspicion.

“I just did that because it looked like it was bleeding inside. Like, I mean it turned kinda blackish and when that happens… that wouldn’t be a good thing so—” “So you just kissed my forehead?” Taeyeon smugly emphasized. “To keep it warm, you know? Blood-filled bumps should be treated with warmth!” “Really?” “Yes! Really!” “If you say so.” “Why don’t you believe me?! That was the last question in the exam!” “I didn’t say I don’t believe you.” Taeyeon laughed out loud, garnering attention from a group of surfers that passed by. “Oh and why are your ears red?” “They are not!!” Tiffany used her free hand to fling her hair over her ears, not knowing that the rest of her face was even redder. “If you don’t stop talking, I’ll poke it again!” She continued with a threat. Taeyeon had a clever reply, of course. “And then you’ll kiss it again, right?” “Yah!! Kim Taeyeon!!”

“Don’t worry. We’re even now. Ten points from my exam score, too. Poof!”

CHAPTER 9 The two arrived at the lodge and found Seohyun waiting for them by their broken door.

“Unnies! What happened?”

Taeyeon’s drenched denim pants were still stuck to her thighs much like how both her fingers and Tiffany’s intertwined. A trail of water was visible from behind the duo and it stretched from the spot they occupied up to a point somewhere beyond the youngest’s capacity to see.

She worriedly asked the two again: “Are you both okay?”

“Yes. Do us a favor and please get our towels,” Taeyeon requested. “I don’t want both of us causing a mess inside.” “Okay.” Seohyun nodded. “Ah. Here’s your wallet and the pink apron. Oppa didn’t ask me to pay for it anymore so I just bought more food with the leftover money. Is that okay?” Taeyeon took both objects: the wallet with her hand and the apron she left hanging on the same arm. “Oppa?” she asked, confused. “Yes. Well… He really looks like an unnie but I found out that he was a funny oppa and his friend—” “Friend?” “Yes. He was the one who said it was okay for me to just take the apron. They’re both very funny.” Seohyun covered her mouth politely while giggling. “They’re awfully cute together when—” “When?!” Taeyeon was suddenly piqued with interest. “When they talk and—” “Guys!” Tiffany interjected, her voice cracking while her teeth clattered involuntarily.

Taeyeon laughed. She freed her hand from the shivering girl’s grip and stroked the latter’s back. Then she turned to Seohyun. “Please get the towels, Seohyun-ah. We’ll talk about the oppas later. They seem cool.”

The youngest smiled and disappeared into the lodge. Taeyeon pulled Tiffany into an embrace with her free arm to share the body heat. The breeze did not make it easier for either one to remain warm.

“I told you we shouldn’t have swam in these clothes,” Taeyeon reminded, struggling to wrap the entirety of Tiffany’s upper body with one arm while the other arm bore the weight of her wallet and the pink apron, which Tiffany specifically wanted to get her hands on. “But we didn’t even swim! We just stood there,” Tiffany replied, sounding a bit irritated. The side of her head and the upper half of Taeyeon’s sandwiched their hair, which appeared like hardened noodle strands. Taeyeon stroked Tiffany’s back again to calm her down. “We’ll swim with the others later. I promise,” she assured. She could already imagine a smile forming on the other girl’s lips. She broke the hug to inspect. “Oh come on. Show me that smile now, Fany Fany Ti-ppany!” she playfully teased. Tiffany shook her head, puckered her lips and chirped: “Nuh-uh! It’s cold. Hug me again!” “But—” “Hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug,!!” There was a momentary pause and Taeyeon raised her free arm to her side to welcome the whining Tiffany into another embrace. “Come here then.” “Yey!” “On second thought…” “What?”

Taeyeon lowered her arm and presented the other arm, which bore the pink apron. Tiffany stared at it with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, you could just take your wet clothes off and change into this apron,” Taeyeon slyly proposed, not expecting Tiffany to agree. She just had too much fun teasing the poor thing. Tiffany grinned and held up one finger from one hand. “Do you want me to poke that bump again?” she threatened. “And this time, I won’t kiss it to make it better.” “Ooooh, scary.” “You’re really asking for it, aren’t you?” “I’m not saying anything.” Taeyeon kept her smile. “So what do you say? You wanted this pink apron, right? And I got it for you so you owe me. Right?” she pushed the topic even further while dangling the pink piece of cloth in front of Tiffany’s face. “Then help me change into it,” Tiffany whispered slowly, tempting the eager shorty. She presented herself defenseless and willing. There was no way anyone could have resisted, especially a certain someone who possessed a fully-functioning libido. “What’s the matter eager beaver?” “Nothing,” Taeyeon answered as she approached, focusing on the parts of Tiffany’s body that her soaked shirt was still clinging to. This is new. How long are you going to let me do this, too? She thought.

The door opened with a little creak, leaving Taeyeon with her arm frozen in mid-air, but obviously going for the edge of Tiffany’s shirt. The youngest’s mouth hung slightly open. “Erm… Here are your towels,” she shyly offered. The older two exchanged glances and laughed. “Thanks, Seobaby,” Tiffany lovingly addressed her dongsaeng. The latter blushed, Taeyeon noticed.

“Was I interrupting something?” the youngest continued as she handed the towels over. One of the two remained in her hands after Tiffany signaled that Taeyeon could not make use of hers because of what she was carrying.

The youngest watched as Tiffany combed Taeyeon’s hair with her fingers, causing drops to join the puddle at their feet. She observed how Taeyeon had slightly lowered her head so Tiffany could dry her hair for her. She was amused.

“We’re just playing, as usual,” Tiffany finally answered. The youngest could only nod. “Ti-ppany!!” Taeyeon’s voice sounded muffled as she spoke with her hair hanging in front of her face. Seohyun smiled to herself while turning the broken door’s knob back and forth. “If you don’t rub my head harder, my hair won’t dry,” Taeyeon continued. “If I go too fast, I might hit that bump on your forehead. Would you like that?!” Taeyeon turned her head slowly to the side and met Seohyun’s eyes. “Yes,” she muttered with a wink while facing her dongsaeng. “But why?” Seohyun asked, perplexed at why her Taeyeon unnie sounded like a masochist. Tiffany was too preoccupied to notice the interaction between the shorty and the youngest.

“Because Fany will just kiss—” “Kim Taeyeon! Don’t even think about saying it!”

Seohyun heard herself gulp after she saw Tiffany frown. She bowed and was about to excuse herself when she saw a pair of legs move toward the door. She straightened up and made way for Tiffany. She heard Taeyeon sigh afterwards.

“Let’s get inside, Seohyun. She’s just hungry,” Taeyeon assured with a smile, but secretly worrying.

The two made their way inside. Taeyeon asked to be given the other towel Seohyun was holding and for Seohyun to follow Tiffany to the kitchen. She kept herself still in a corner so her wet clothes wouldn’t cause a mess. Sunny became visible a few feet away.

“Morning.” Taeyeon waved while her towel rested atop her head. “Morning. What happened to you?” Sunny asked, pointing at her friend. “Fany and I just—Uh, we went for a swim.” “In those clothes?! And what’s with the apron?” “Yes. Never mind that now.” Taeyeon steered away from the subject. “Are the others awake already? We bought breakfast—“ “And what happened to your forehead?!” “I woke up and—Just never mind it. Anyway, we bought breakfast so we should all eat together now.” “Breakfast.” Sunny laughed. “Let’s not wake Sooyoungie up. I wanna get back at her for pushing me off the bed! For goodness’ sake!” “Calm down.” “Yeah, yeah. Hey, Seohyun told me about that girl who broke in. What was that about?” Sunny asked, seating herself on the floor because Jessica was still claiming the couch. Taeyeon crouched then she bent and crossed her legs one over the other on the floor. She settled her wallet as well as the apron on the spot right next to her. “She’s Sunye’s friend. Sunye from last night, I mean. She said she arrived late and didn’t know that the lodges were mixed up. Poor kid.” “I see. So that’s all that went on?” “Yeah. What else could’ve happened?” “I don’t know and that’s why I’m asking. And, let’s just say that something seems suspicious.” Sunny finished with a twitch of her nose. Taeyeon was clueless. “Spit it out, Taengoo. Seohyun said that that girl followed you and it took you guys awhile to come back. If that’s the case then what really happened?” “Nothing happened!” Taeyeon quickly assured, already drying her hair and the rest of her body. “I just went off to throw a fish back into the—” “And then you held hands?” “What?!”

Sunny couldn’t continue with the interrogation as Yoona approached the couch with a yawn. Something was swaying around her neck and against her chest as she walked. She greeted her unnies with a wide smile: “Good morning~”

“Hey, Yoong,” Sunny replied. Taeyeon waved.

“Excuse me, unnie,” Yoona told Sunny. The latter stood up and watched her dongsaeng raise Jessica’s arm. “What do you think you’re doing?” Taeyeon asked.

Yoona went on with carefully positioning Jessica upright, brushing her blonde hair aside before putting an arm under her legs and another under her torso.

“And what’s that thing around your neck?” Sunny added.

Yoona let out a grunt as she lifted Jessica in her arms. The unnies were curious as to why their dongsaeng went through the trouble.

“Hnn…” Yoona took one step while carrying the sleeping one. She had to answer her unnies with her back turned. “This is the missing pass that came from inside the AC. It’s fixed now so Sica unnie can rest properly without having a hot temper.” “Ah.” Sunny and Taeyeon exchanged glances and marveled at the revelation. “So you’re the one who fixed—”

Yoona was already half-way to Jessica’s room by the time Sunny started to ask. She stared at Taeyeon who had already stood up as well and was then squeezing her shirt with the towel to dry it.

“Let’s check it out, Taengoo.” “All right,” Taeyeon agreed. She left her spot only after checking if Tiffany had left the kitchen. There was no sign of her. Taeyeon followed Sunny to Jessica’s room.

“More water… Please…”

The two arrived at a terribly amusing yet morbid scene: Hyoyeon was kneeling on the floor, holding Seohyun’s tumbler above Yuri’s open mouth. Yuri was stripped to her underwear, poorly covered with a blanket as Taeyeon could clearly see the lace that decorated the edges of Yuri’s panties. Yoona had just adjusted the vents of the air-conditioner so the cool air would reach Jessica, who was now comfortably lying on a bed.

“What the hell happened?!” Sunny began with an outburst. She could clearly hear Yuri gulping down water up to the last drop.

Hyoyeon turned to Sunny and answered. “Sica was too excited to turn the AC on and accidentally dropped our card inside when she was trying to figure out—” “No, no. I mean what happened to Yuri?!” “She spent the night trying to fix the darn thing and didn’t get much sleep so—” “Yeah I figured that out. But why is she half-naked?!” Hyoyeon giggled. “Well, she’s too tired to get up and put her clothes back on.” It wasn’t the answer Sunny was looking for. She opened her mouth wider. “I MEAN WHAT IS SHE DOING HALF-NAKED ON THE FREAKIN’ FLOOR?!!” “Ah.” Hyoyeon nodded. “It must have been hot inside the room while she was trying to fix the AC so I guess she figured she could work better if she stripped. But that really isn’t the main issue, you know? The point is she needs more water and all of Seohyun’s tumblers have been emptied!” “She has more than one?!” “You shouldn’t doubt a girl scout like Hyunnie, unnie,” Yoona cheerfully replied. Then she pressed a familiar object to her lips.

Yuri quickly reacted, sat up and let the blanket that covered her sweaty body fall to the floor. “Yaaah! Yoong! You have another tumbler!! Gimme!!”

Taeyeon took a step back, already feeling that something bad was going to happen, and also because she found it convenient to have a better view of Yuri’s body from that spot near the wall.

Yoona hugged the tumbler tight.

“No! Hyunnie brought this especially for me! See, it’s written right here.” She pointed to the label neatly printed on the tumbler’s body. “For Yoona unnie,” she continued. “There’s even a little heart next to my name!!” “I don’t care! I’m dying here!” Yuri forced herself to stand up. She easily cornered Yoona against the wall, leaving the latter with nowhere else to go and nothing else left to do but submit. Yuri spoke to her dongsaeng in a low-pitched voice: “Give. It. To. Me.” Yoona was too busy staring at the round beads of sweat that had formed on her unnie’s chest that she seemed to have forgotten how to talk. It got worse as Yuri closed in on the younger even more, her hot breath already reaching the other’s cheek. “Hand it over, Yoong, or else I’ll—” “Okay, okay. Back off, unnie! You’re sweaty!” Yoona cried out as she handed the tumbler over and retreated to the spot where Taeyeon was standing.

Hyoyeon and Sunny were standing idly by as well. Yuri downed the tumbler’s contents with her head tilted back and her arm held up, forming a visible ‘S’ with her body. It didn’t come as a surprise to the other three that Taeyeon was the only one staring.

“Taeyeon!” “What?!” “You said something about breakfast?!” “Why are you shouting?!” “I don’t know! Maybe I’m cranky?!” “Guys…” Sunny whispered as softly as she could. The tallest, who had just arrived, and the eldest ceased their yapping and turned to where Sunny was pointing. “Keep it down or else we’re dead,” she added. Taeyeon cleared her throat, diverted her eyes from the stirring Jessica and faced Sooyoung. “You started it.” “And what are you going to do about it?” Sooyoung tapped the tip of Taeyeon’s nose, not showing any signs of fear. Taeyeon gritted her teeth and was about to raise a fist when a hand suddenly settled on her shoulder. She turned and found Yuri already dressed. “You know you don’t stand a chance, right?” Yuri said, hiding a snicker. “I know, but—” “Nuh-uh, Taengoo,” Sunny added. “Calm down and just tell them what happened this morning.”

All ears were ready for whatever was about to come out of Taeyeon’s mouth. Jessica’s light snoring filled the background, but it was drowned by Yoona’s snickering. Taeyeon began her story and every pair of eyes in the room seemed to be grilling her. She defended herself by continuing the tale with her eyes set on the air-conditioner, imagining the short scene she shared with Sunmi.

“So you didn’t hold hands?” Sunny asked again. “No! Who told you that anyway?” “Well…” “Look, she just wiped my hands with hers, okay? Why are you making such a big deal about it? And who told it this way anyway?! It was Seohyun, wasn’t it? How could she… Yah! Seo—”

Hyoyeon pulled Taeyeon away from the door before she could get on with shouting the youngest’s name. “There’s nothing wrong with it, Taeng,” Hyoyeon muttered while patting Taeyeon’s back. “It could actually be a good start.”

“A… good start?” Taeyeon sounded unsure, precisely because she was. She didn’t notice that her friends had formed a circle around her, some smiling and some showing something close to a pout. Sooyoung took the lead and held both of Taeyeon’s hands. The look of a schemer formed on her face like a map and it became obvious where it was going to lead. “A summer fling, my shorty friend, a summer fling.” Taeyeon saw the others nod in agreement. If she didn’t know any better, she could’ve sworn Jessica moaned a ‘yes’ as well, but putting that aside, she let out a hearty laugh. “You people are crazy! Summer fling? You guys can’t be serious!” “Actually... Unnie, I think it’s a better idea,” Yoona said and. She was fiddling with the laminated number nine that she hung around her neck with the aid of her old ID strap. She quickly looked away before Taeyeon could shoot her a glare. “Please tell me you’re joking,” Taeyeon said once more with a little laugh. This time it sounded like she was pleading. She still couldn’t believe what her friends were proposing, much less want anything to do with it. “We’re serious, Taengoo,” Sunny firmly stated. “At least enjoy yourself before going back to reality. It’s harsh but what the heck, right?” “What reality are you talking about?” “You know it better than anyone! Let her go before you end up letting yourself go. Do yourself a favor and wake up because she won’t ever—I don’t wanna say it. I’m sure you get what we mean anyway.” “No. I really don’t get what you’re saying. You want me to go for a stranger, flirt with her, leave her after this week and then what? That’s it? I barely even know the girl—” “Exactly,” Sooyoung said. “That way, no one’s gonna get too hurt.” “But someone’s still gonna get hurt. How much someone gets hurt doesn’t matter. I don’t wanna hurt anyone and you guys are idiots for even suggesting it!” “It beats having to spend a week being so close and yet so far,” Taeyeon heard Hyoyeon mutter. She shrugged it off and replied with the one truth she held close to her for years. It didn’t match Tiffany’s faith, but it was the best she had: “I care about her. That’s it. Please don’t mention her in this kind of conversation ever again. Got it?”

The room was drained of Jessica’s snoring and then filled with sighs.

Taeyeon was about to open her mouth and say something like ‘Let’s go eat breakfast instead,’ but she wasn’t lucky enough to get off the hook so easily. She was interrupted by Yuri who broke the circle by taking a step back and walking toward the bed Jessica was lying on. With her back turned, she advised: “Whatever you decide to do, Taeng, make sure you don’t hurt yourself. That bump on your forehead should be enough.”

“How did you—” “It’s not that hard to notice just like those feelings you’ve been trying to keep from us. We’re your friends. No matter what you do, you can be sure that we know what you’re thinking. The same goes for Tiffany. We know you both too well not to sense what’s going on so… Just be careful.”

A moment of silence befell the group of friends only to be broken by a smiling Seohyun who opened the door half-way and stuck her head inside the room. “Breakfast is served—Ah. Did something happen, unnies?”

The youngest arrived at a similarly terribly amusing yet morbid scene. She found all of her tumblers stacked away in a corner except for one, which Yoona was hugging again. This made her smile. What broke her heart was seeing everyone else with barely an expression on their faces. She frowned.

“What are you discussing? Is this about Jessica unnie again?” “No. It’s about summer flings,” Sooyoung said outright. She knew the youngest would understand right away, or rather, she hoped that the youngest would understand. The rest sighed at her frankness. “Oh.” Seohyun stepped inside. “Summer fling: a sexual adventure free of hassles, commitments or drama, timed for the summer only. It’s something light and fun-filled with—“ “Okay, Hyunnie, we get it.” Yoona raised a hand to halt Seohyun’s explanation. Sooyoung laughed. “Let her finish, Yoong! Fun-filled with what, Seohyun-ah?! Say it! Say it!” “Fun-filled with nothing to—” “Yah! Sooyoungie, stop making her say it!” “Why should I?!” “Okay. Break it up, kids!” Hyoyeon said. “Hey Yuri help—”

Taeyeon didn’t hear the rest of the other girls’ ramblings. She took the chance to escape and left for the kitchen, trying to flush everything she heard out of her head. She walked, shaking her head and sighing until she caught sight of something bright just before she reached the kitchen entrance. It was that apron.

“Summer flings. Pfft!” She whispered to herself as she bent down to grab the apron and her wallet. She returned to her route to the kitchen and found Tiffany standing in front of the sink, staring out the window with both hands on her hips.

A few feet separated the two. Taeyeon left her wallet on the dining table, clutched the pink apron, and slowly approached Tiffany who still had her back turned. She breathed in and breathed out. Feet were soon reduced to inches.

“You’re going to catch a cold,” she muttered. She was waiting for Tiffany to face her, but soon gave up after the only response she got was Tiffany letting her arms fall on her sides. She held the apron over Tiffany’s head and put it over her wet clothes. “You should’ve changed your clothes.” “Well, you should’ve washed your hands,” Tiffany replied with a giggle as she tilted her head downwards to examine how the pink apron suited her. “And here I was thinking they didn’t smell anymore.” “How can you not know that they still smell when you’ve been smelling them over and over again. At the store and before you got into the water… You just kept smelling them. What’s the matter with you?” Taeyeon laughed. “What’s the matter with me? Well, I hit my head hard so I must have damaged something somewhere.” Tiffany took awhile to answer. “You looked like you were thinking. Does the smell remind you of something?” “I…” “Never mind. I’m sure you’d tell me if it was something important. Anyway, I’m sorry again about earlier. It was just—” “Forget it. Hey, why did you want this apron again?” Taeyeon asked while tying the apron’s back ribbon, successfully diverting the conversation. “I dunno. I guess I wanted to prepare the food we bought while wearing it so it’ll look like I cooked them.” Tiffany giggled once more. “Silly, right?” “As silly as kissing my forehead,” Taeyeon mumbled.

She wrapped her arms around Tiffany’s waist and rested her head on Tiffany’s back.

CHAPTER 10 Everyone was dressed for the occasion this time.

“Swim! Swim! Swim!” “Tan! Tan! Tan!”

Sooyoung and Yoona could be heard shouting at the top of their lungs just a few feet away while the rest were already somewhere in the water playing with a small beach ball. Sheltered by the beach umbrella, Taeyeon lied flat on her stomach on the beach blanket with her head resting on her forearms.

The thin strings of the upper half of her bathing suit formed a messy knot a few centimeters below the back of her neck. A figure crouched to untie it.

“Tsk, tsk, Taeng.” “Huh?” Taeyeon lifted her head and propped herself up on her elbows. The loosened strings didn’t stay long between the figure’s fingers and Taeyeon didn’t notice the rest of her bathing suit slowly failing to cover her chest. She felt a foot crush the middle of her back and she landed back on the beach blanket.

“Yah!! What the—” “Stay down, you dork! Don’t go off giving people a free show!” “HAHAHA!!” “It’s not funny, Hyo.”

Taeyeon stayed down, mumbling to herself about Tiffany’s violent entrance. Hyoyeon got back to tying the bathing suit’s strings properly at the back of Taeyeon’s neck like she intended, and kept her laughter in her thoughts. Tiffany’s foot was still settled on the shorty’s back.

“There. All neat and tidy.” Hyoyeon praised her work. She looked up at Tiffany. Going past the bright pink two-piece she was wearing, she looked like she had something stuck in her eye with the way she glared. “Uh, I think you should remove your foot now, Tiffany.” “Oh... Uh, right,” Tiffany followed. She settled her foot back on the sand to free Taeyeon’s back. “TaeTae, are you okay?” she asked. Propped up on her elbows again, Taeyeon answered, “I’m fine, but you didn’t really need to kick me down.”

Hyoyeon laughed again.

“Stop it, Hyo!” Tiffany reacted. She squatted and pressed her thumb down on parts of Taeyeon’s back to massage it. A few of their friends arrived to join them under the beach umbrella, already wet up to their necks. In exchange, Hyoyeon left to referee Yoona and Sooyoung’s brawling. “We should have a swimming contest or something,” Sunny suggested, appearing like a light bulb had just lit up above her head. A few murmurs were all she heard. Jessica lied down with her palms behind her head and one leg crossed over the other. She caught a glimpse of Yuri pressing the small beach ball against her stomach. “Yuri-ah, put that thing away

and rub some sunblock on me, would you?” she said as she closed her eyes. She opened them again and smiled. “Thank you.” Yuri snatched the bottle from an unsuspecting Sunny and poured its contents on her palm. She quickly placed it back just when Sunny was about to reach for it again. “Where should I put some, Sica? Your arms?” Yuri asked, already spreading the opaque substance on both palms while eyeing the exposed parts of Jessica’s body. “Yeah, sure.” “Okay then,” Yuri replied.

While Yuri was applying the sunblock on Jessica’s arms, Sunny was putting some on her thighs with one hand. She used the other hand to offer the bottle of sunblock to Tiffany who was still massaging Taeyeon’s back.

“Why don’t you put some on our danshin buddy so she can swim? She’s been lying here like a grandma for hours now.” “I’m right here, you know?” Taeyeon said as she turned her head, purposely making herself sound irritated to tease Sunny. “You can just say that to my face!” “Fine!” Sunny yelled. “Quit being a killjoy and play with us for goodness’ sake!” “Ehh! I’m tired! I’ll swim later!” “Killjoy.” “Shorty.” “Killjoy shorty!” Taeyeon paused, turned her head to the other side and laughed. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll swim later.” “You just don’t want to ‘cause—” Sunny cleared her throat, hoping no one noticed her unfinished sentence. She stole a glance at Tiffany and turned to Yuri with sunken eyes. Yuri replied with a shrug and went on with applying sunblock on Jessica’s legs. “Because what?” Tiffany asked, taking a moment to stop massaging. “Why are you guys staring at each other like that?” “Ah. Nothing.” Sunny faked a laugh. “Right, Yuri?” “Ye-yeah. Sure.” Yuri played along. “Hey Tiffany. How about taking a dip in the water with me? You haven’t gone in yet, right?” Tiffany raised an eyebrow. “You guys are hiding something. It’s so obvious.” “No we’re not.” Sunny shook her head. Taeyeon decided to stay out of the conversation. It’s their fault that they’re too concerned about this, she thought. “Oh please!” Tiffany folded her arms across her chest. “Just say it!” “Really, it’s nothing. We were just—”

“Let’s go, Tiffany. Let’s play with Seohyun over there. She looks lonely,” Yuri interrupted. She had finished rubbing sunblock on Jessica’s body and already had one arm stretched out toward Tiffany. “Just go. Have fun for awhile, will you?” Jessica said. She moved her palms from behind her head toward the leftover cream on her neck. She spread the rest of it on the upper part of her chest. “Show off that newly-toned body of yours,” she continued with a little wink. Taeyeon felt her eyes widen. Someone would surely have laughed if she wasn’t so good at hiding her face. “Yeah,” Yuri added, still extending her arm toward an unconvinced Tiffany. “And then we’ll take Seohyun and you two can parade around so those guys will drool for sure. Man, is it me or has that kid grown overnight?” Sunny continuously nodded and smiled at everything that was said, waiting for Tiffany’s relaxed expression and that definite ‘yes’ she could show with her eyes. “I’ll agree with Seobaby growing overnight, but me?” Tiffany pointed to herself. “I have no idea what newly-toned body Jessi’s talking about.” “Let’s just go.” Yuri grabbed a hold of the hand Tiffany used to point to herself and pulled the latter up. Tiffany spoke to disagree but soon gave up after no one minded her rambling. She was led away in seconds.

Once the chattering died down, Taeyeon rolled on her side and eyed Sunny. “What are you trying to do now, huh?” “I don’t know. Teasing you, maybe?” “And then denying it?” “That was—” “Relax, guys.” Jessica broke the intensity that was brewing between the two. “Taeng, this is for your own good so listen up. You know what you’re up against, don’t you?” Taeyeon sat up, stared at Sunny for a good three seconds and then sighed. “Not you, too, Sica. The summer fling thing is—” “I know you think it’s a stupid idea. Heck, I think it’s the dumbest idea since the thinking cap, but it’s just a suggestion. You don’t have to do it. What we’re saying is that if you can’t hold yourself back then you can direct that energy somewhere else or maybe toward someone else. We care about you and you know that, right?”

Taeyeon responded with a stiff nod.

“Good. We don’t want to see you hurting and we’d hate to hear Tiffany blaming herself for doing something that’s beyond her control. I don’t think you’re thinking of forcing her into anything—”

“Of course not!” “That’s what I’m saying. Let me finish.” Jessica released a breath. “It’s good that you’re not forcing her into doing anything, but that would mean keeping all of your feelings bottled up. That’s not good for you, either. We want both of you to be okay. Then again, maybe that’s impossible. You won’t be contented until you get her and she won’t be at peace if she hurts you... Man, this is just so screwed up.” Jessica rolled her eyes. “Bottom line is that she has her reasons for not swinging the other way. You get what I mean?” Taeyeon nodded again. “Good. That’s all I have to say. The rest should be clear to you by now.” Sunny added a comforting pat on Taeyeon’s back and smiled. “Don’t be too stubborn, okay, danshin buddy?”

Taeyeon showed a slight smile. She went back to staring at the beach blanket underneath them and held back a few oncoming tears. She cleared her throat and exhaled then sucked the emotions in and tried ever so hard to keep her voice from cracking.

“Thank you for looking out for me, guys. I know what I’m up against and I know that she’s been holding that defense up for years. She has her ‘god’ and he has his ‘rules.’ I know that. Fine. As long as she doesn’t hold my feelings against me then I guess I can deal with it a little while longer. Once she tells me to back off then I will. Until then, just keep this topic closed for awhile. She’ll just be bothered by it and I don’t want that. Okay?”

Jessica sat up and tilted Taeyeon’s chin upward so their eyes would meet. “Okay. But just like Sunny said: Don’t be too stubborn.” “Or else we’ll kick your butt!” Sunny stuck her tongue out and lightly hit Taeyeon’s forehead. “Yaaah! That hurt!!” “Oops! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” “Oh. Taeyeon?”

The three turned their attention to a crouching figure beside where their beach umbrella was grounded. Taeyeon blinked.

“Taeyeon,” the figured said again. “Sunye!” “Yeah!” Sunye laughed. “I thought you’d forgotten or something. Oh, hello. Jessica and Sunny, right?” “Right,” Sunny replied.

Jessica nodded as she let go of Taeyeon’s chin. “I’m glad we saw each other again,” Sunye said, still crouching. She appeared to be retrieving a frisbee that landed next to the beach umbrella’s stem. “We were planning to go to your lodge later to thank you for bringing Sunmi back. I apologize if she caused any trouble.” “No problem.” Taeyeon smiled. “She wasn’t any trouble at all. So are the rest of your friends out here, too?” After successfully claiming the Frisbee, Sunye stood up. “Yeah. We’re just playing around at a spot that’s near here. Do you guys want to join?” Taeyeon turned to her friends. “Should we call the others?” Jessica nodded. “Fine with me.” Sunny had already stood up to gather the others. Taeyeon got back to Sunye and smiled. “How’s your lodge?” she asked. “It’s fine. AC’s busted though,” Sunye replied with a sigh. “Really?” Taeyeon unintentionally laughed. “You didn’t jam your laminated pass inside it, too, did you?” Jessica coughed and frowned; Taeyeon didn’t seem to notice. “No, nothing like that. I think it’s just old. We wanted to contact maintenance last night, but it was late so we decided to leave it for later. It was worth it ‘cause Sunmi was scared to death when all of us popped out in front of her.” Sunye laughed. “That’s what happens when no one gets sleep, I guess. Stupid AC!” “I second that,” Jessica replied from out of the blue. “But we fixed ours already. The only problem is the door so—” “But I heard that that was your fault, too,” Taeyeon casually pointed out. She merited a glare. “As I was saying,” Jessica continued, pretending nothing happened. “Yes, please do continue.” Sunye hid a giggle. ‘Team Taeyeon’ really did have the charms she found amusing. “The only problem is the door so if you want, maybe we can all go ask maintenance together.” “Good idea.” The conversation ended with Jessica and Sunye exchanging a thumbs-up. The two were shaken up by a shouting Yoona. “Yah! It’s you! Why are you talking to my Sica unnie?!” “Im Yoona, stop that!”

Yuri slapped her dongsaeng’s arm and frowned. The attention shifted to her and for a second she was speechless. The sudden turning of Taeyeon’s head to the side gave her the signal to let go of Tiffany’s hand.

“She’s still such a kid,” Tiffany defended as she felt her hand deprived of warmth, oblivious to the Yuri-Taeyeon tension. “Don’t mind her—Uhm, sorry. I didn’t catch your name last night,” she continued, pertaining to Sunye. “Min. Min Sunye.” “Hwang—Nah. Just call me Tiffany.”

The two shook hands. The other eight were standing by, waiting for someone to say something, particularly Taeyeon who appeared to have gotten to know more about this ‘Min Sunye.’ Everyone was smiling but the atmosphere was starting to weigh down on them. It took one persistent ‘Super Yoong’ to break it.

“Where’s your sleepy friend, unnie?” Yoona asked. “I want to show her this!”

It was nine against one and Sunye somehow felt like she needed back-up. She responded to Yoona nonetheless and eyed the laminated card that hung around the younger’s neck. “That’s your card, right? It does say nine. Cool.” “You bet it is!” Yoona smirked. “Sica unnie was telling the truth!”

Sunye let out a nervous giggle. Despite finding ‘Super Yoong’ funny, she found the same girl rather intimidating as well. It’s that glow in her eyes, she thought. “I guess she was. I’m sorry for last night. We didn’t mean to cause that kind of trouble. What do you say we treat you guys to lunch or something?” “Lunch?” Yoona repeated with a smile. “Score!”

Sunny rolled her eyes after catching a glimpse of Sooyoung’s brightened expression. She nudged the tallest and muttered: “Have a sense of shame, will ya?” “Sorry,” Sooyoung whispered back. She turned to her other side and saw Hyoyeon and Seohyun giving her looks that seemed to similarly say Sunny’s exact line. Taeyeon finally butted in. “I don’t know about lunch, Sunye. That would be too much, I think. We’ll play with you guys and we can have lunch together after that but let’s just pay separate bills.” “But I insist. It’s the least we could do.” “Taeng’s right. It would be too expensive to treat all nine of us to lunch,” Jessica added. “Trust me. It’s not something you would want to do if you want to have enough money to get home. ‘Cause once these kids are done ordering, there won’t be anything left for—” “Sunye unnie! What’s taking you so long? We were—Oh, Taeyeon unnie.”

“Hi, Sunmi.” Taeyeon waved. From the corner of her eye, she could distinctly see Sooyoung smiling the widest out of everyone. These guys just don’t give up, she thought. Sunmi hid slightly behind Sunye, playing with her hair and avoiding eye contact. “Sunmi,” Tiffany greeted with a wave as well. Sunmi seemed startled. “Ah. Hello, Tiffany unnie,” she replied with a bow.

The scene got a bit more crowded. However, the nine-two arrangement wasn’t as bad as the previous nine-one. Sunmi was introduced to the rest of ‘Team Taeyeon’ and she was strangely too warmly welcomed. As to why, Tiffany proved to be the only clueless one out of the nine. Taeyeon hoped it would stay that way.

“I was just telling them we’d treat them to lunch for causing them trouble.” Sunye turned to Sunmi. “That sounds pretty okay, doesn’t it?” Sunmi appeared to be thinking, fiddling with her fingers as if making shapes with them. “That’s fine with me, unnie. Maybe we can make Sohee pay for everything,” she finally replied with a snicker. “Little rich kid, is she?” Sooyoung commented. Sunny nudged her again. “Yeowch! That was my rib, you know?!” Sunny shrugged; Hyoyeon laughed. Seohyun carefully felt around the tallest’s abdomen and stroked the injured area with worried eyes. “You barely have meat on you, unnie,” she whispered. No one seemed to hear her as Yoona’s overpowering laughter began. “She’s really cool, isn’t she? First she fights with Sica unnie and now she’ll treat us to lunch! Daebak!” Yoona said. “Yoong, what did I say about—” “Let the kid laugh for now, Yuri-ah,” Jessica cut Yuri off, letting her hand slide up and down the latter’s arm as she talked. Yuri sighed. Sunmi and Sunye exchanged glances. “No, no. Sohee isn’t like that. She’s our little princess so we just tease her. Don’t tell her about this though or else we’re dead,” Sunmi said in something almost like a whisper, probably sensing that Sohee could be nearby. “Reminds me of someone,” Hyoyeon and Yuri almost said in unison as they turned to Jessica. They prepared themselves for an icy glare but only merited a rolling of Jessica’s eyes. “That’s a cute shirt, Sunmi.” Tiffany gestured toward the younger’s clothing. “But why aren’t you in a bathing suit? Aren’t you going to swim?” “Oh. Thank you, unnie. Uh, I’m wearing one underneath. But about swimming… I don’t know yet.”

Sunye stared at her dongsaeng’s reddish cheeks and then at Tiffany’s curious eyes. She replied in her dongsaeng’s stead: “Sunmi’s been saying something about dead fish. I think she’s scared that she might run into one if she goes swimming.” She laughed. Taeyeon’s mouth hung slightly open, knowing she was the cause of Sunmi’s silly belief. “I told her that it rarely happens,” Sunye continued. “They usually wash up on the shore, don’t they? Or get eaten by birds? Or bigger fish?” Sunny failed to keep her comment to herself. “Except when someone throws them back into the water, right Taengoo?” “I didn’t throw—Hey! Why are you asking me anyway?!” “Because—” It was Sunny’s turn to be nudged and Yuri made sure she got her point across. “Yah! Yuri, what the hell?!” “She made me do it.” Yuri pointed at Jessica with a blank stare, making herself look innocent.

While Sunny was busy pouting and trying to make Jessica apologize, Taeyeon took the opportunity to move away from the topic that she clearly dubbed ‘closed.’ Sunny, please have mercy, she thought before opening her mouth: “Anyway, are you guys still up for playing?” “Play!~” Yoona cheered. She had forgotten about showing off the laminated card. “Play what, unnie?” Seohyun asked with a big smile, exposing the kid in her.

Sunye showed Seohyun the frisbee. Yoona appeared to have a sudden connection with the toy as she stared at it. It was surely more interesting than their small beach ball.

The taller ones were stuck with cleanup duty: Yuri was in charge of hauling their beach umbrella toward where ‘Team Sunye’ was while Sooyoung carried the beach blanket and a few bags. Yoona was already a long ways away with the rest of her unnies’ belongings as well as their small beach ball. A big smile was plastered on her face at the thought of tossing a frisbee around.

Taeyeon and Tiffany were lagging behind on purpose all thanks to Taeyeon’s greediness. Every second became more important now that she had admitted to herself, and to her friends, that Tiffany’s painful rejection would be the sure-fire way to make her back off.

“Fany, you okay? You don’t want to play?” Taeyeon asked, pushed by the concern that came naturally to her. Tiffany shook her head. She gave Taeyeon an eye-smile because she knew it was what was being asked of her. “I’m fine and yes, I’m okay with playing.” “Race you there then!”

“What the—TaeTae, get back here!”

Whether or not lunch would be on ‘Team Sunye’ was left a pending topic as the eleven girls made their way toward the ‘spot that’s near here’ that Sunye was pertaining to.

CHAPTER 11 Two figures rushed past, shouting what seemed to be gibberish to the other passers-by. Yuri sighed after catching a glimpse of Taeyeon and Tiffany being playful again. She dragged their beach umbrella with little effort. The umbrella wasn’t that heavy. One end faced the rough, clumped sand while the other end was gripped by Yuri’s firm hand. The struggle came from a bunch of troubling thoughts, particularly those which concerned her circle of friends. She let out another sigh.

“Is it still bothering you?” Jessica asked. Yuri did a double-take before replying. She thought Jessica was already way out front with the others. “Yeah. I can’t stand it. Can you?” she replied. “Of course not. How can anyone stand it? It’s freakin’ awkward and, not to mention, the suspense! Seriously, they should just talk about it already. Taeng already has it hard and with the way things are going, I doubt that Tiffany would—” Jessica ended with a tightly closed mouth. “Would what?” Jessica shrugged. “It’s none of our business. It’s her choice. We should respect that.” “I wish it were that easy.” “They have their own decisions to make—Scratch that. Tiffany already made her decision and sooner or later, it’s going to make Taeng want to make hers. All we can do is watch for now, or aren’t you contented with that?” Yuri responded with silence. “You have other things to worry about,” Jessica finished. She faced forward as they arrived at their destination.

If their beach umbrella had a mouth, it would have coughed and cleared its throat of every grain of sand it was forced to face. But it didn’t. It was turned upright, its stem buried into a hole once again. This time, it had a friend to keep it company. The umbrella that sheltered ‘Team Sunye’ would have said ‘hi.’ Sadly, it didn’t have a mouth, either.

“Guess who we ran into,” Sunye said, waving to get the attention of the rest of her friends.

Yoobin lowered her sunglasses and let it rest near the tip of her nose. Ye Eun smiled and waved hello to greet the newcomers. There was no reaction from the ‘little princess,’ Sohee.

“You were taking awhile so we decided to relax for a bit,” Yoobin told Sunye. She turned to the nine other girls. “Fancy meeting you guys again so soon. Thank you for looking after Sunmi this morning. About the lodge thing again, that was our bad. Sorry again.” “Let’s just pretend it never happened,” Taeyeon said, representing her team once more. “Is it okay if we set up our stuff here? We just couldn’t leave them back where we were awhile ago.” Ye Eun nodded, stood up and offered a hand. “Of course. Here, let me get those for you.”

The beach blanket was rolled out and the rest of the bags Sooyoung was carrying were settled next to one another near those of ‘Team Sunye.’ Everything was set: Hyoyeon and Sunny seated themselves under their beach umbrella, making themselves comfortable; Yuri, Jessica, Taeyeon and Tiffany were repeatedly saying that the misunderstandings were nothing but a laughing matter now that everyone seemed to be getting along; the two younger ones were itching to make the first throw.

Yoona already had the frisbee in her hand and Seohyun’s enthusiasm was worth noting.

“Yoona unnie, pass it here!” Sunmi yelled, waving both arms in the air. Yoona paused, clutching the toy with both hands. She appeared to be thinking. Seohyun casually put one arm around her motionless unnie’s waist and whispered, “Is something the matter?” “Yes, Hyunnie…,” Yoona replied with her head down and her voice somewhat cracking. “Omo! Unnie, are you crying?!” Yoona shook her head. “Unnies!” Sunmi called out once more. “Please pass it here!” Seohyun waved at Sunmi with her free hand and then turned back to Yoona with another whisper: “You shouldn’t be hogging their frisbee, unnie. If you don’t know how to throw it, I’ll—” “Me?! Don’t know how to throw this thing?! Hyunnie, you must be kidding!”

Yoona held her head up high, exuding that strong aura. Seohyun carefully pulled her arm back from around her unnie’s waist. “Ah. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry—” “That’s even more upsetting than being called ‘unnie,’ you know? Aish, aish…” “Being called unnie?” Seohyun asked, confused. Yoona sighed.

Meters away, Sunmi was tapping the ground with her foot and was somewhat swaying. She shook her head with a pout – if one could call that thing she did with her lips ‘pouting.’ Seohyun noticed this and thought that Sunmi was either getting bored or getting irritated from waiting.

“We should really pass her the frisbee now. She might be getting upset.” “Sunmi called me ‘unnie’ just now,” Yoona mumbled, ignoring what Seohyun just said. “She is your dongsaeng after all,” Seohyun replied. “That’s the bad part!” “I’m not sure I follow, unnie,” “No one has called me ‘unnie’ in a long time other than you! I feel old!” Yoona’s eyes widened; Seohyun imagined being able to pluck her unnie’s eyeballs.

Poor Sunmi was still waiting for the frisbee to come toward her. Maybe they hate me, she thought, sobbing imaginary tears.

“Yoong! Throw the freakin’ frisbee already!!” As if by instinct, Yoona quickly turned and threw the frisbee with full force. She shyly faced her one and only mentor. “Was that good, Yuri unnie?” “Yeah, yeah. Now go on and play nice, okay?” “Yes~”

On the receiving end, Sunmi was rubbing the tips of her fingers. She barely caught the frisbee after Yoona’s throw. That was scary, she thought. She raised her head and saw Yoona waving her arms this time, asking for the frisbee in return. She threw it back, trying to make out the shape of the toy as it spun in the air. As if in sync, her lips moved in a circular motion, following how fast the toy was spinning.

“Catch it, Hyunnie!” she heard Yoona yell.

While the three were playing to their hearts’ content, the rest of the girls were enjoying a conversation. The youngest, Sohee, still hadn’t reacted.

“So you guys are from that school, huh?” Yoobin said. She had taken her sunglasses off and put them aside by her towel. The large lenses could have served as lily pads. “Yeah. Hey, if it’s okay to ask, is Sohee okay?” Sunny asked.

The group turned to the girl who was lying flat on her back on a beach blanket, clad in a simple two-piece. She had sunglasses on, almost as big as Yoobin’s, and her mouth was slightly open.

“She’s sleeping. Don’t worry too much about her,” Yoobin said. Sunny had furrowed brows. “But is it okay not to pull her closer under the umbrella? The sun can really burn today and—” “No worries, unnie! I told her to put on sunblock,” went a voice. “Wha—Sunmi? I thought you were playing.” Sunmi held a mouthful of air to make her cheeks appear bloated. Then she nodded and smiled. Hyoyeon hurriedly stood up. “Oh no. What did Yoong do now?” “No, no. Yoona unnie didn’t do anything. I was actually the one who threw the frisbee too hard this time. She and Seohyun unnie are currently looking for it,” Sunmi replied. Then she turned to Sunye. “I’m really sorry, unnie. If we can’t find it, I’ll pay you back, I promise!”

The group shared a laugh as Sunmi did another ‘pout.’

“Cute little kid,” Sunny commented.

The sand-filled escape served as the brewing point of a new friendship as the girls shared a few more laughs and a few more stories about school life, how their lodges ‘fail,’ and, surprisingly, Sunny’s growing worry about Sohee’s condition under the sun.

Yoona and Seohyun returned with dim smiles.

Sunmi hesitated to ask. “You didn’t find it, unnie?” Yoona shook her head. “But we saw a shop nearby while we were searching. If you want, we can go and ask if they sell frisbees,” Seohyun offered. Sunmi hung her head low. “I’m sorry about the trouble. I’m sorry, too, Sunye unnie.” The frisbee obviously meant less to Sunye as she stood up and hugged her dongsaeng. “Don’t worry about it. We can all go to the shop and then let’s have lunch afterwards.” “I’m up for that,” Yoobin replied. Ye Eun applauded the idea. “Our wallets are ready! Wallets hwaiting!” “You’re still going to treat us to lunch?” Taeyeon asked, still uncomfortable with the idea. Sunmi nodded. “It’s the least we can do, Taeyeon unnie. Uh, I mean… you know…” “What she means is,” Sunye covered for her dongsaeng, “everyone already agreed to it. We really want to make it up to you guys.” “Everyone agreed?” Sunny questioned. “Even Sohee? I didn’t even hear her talk the entire time. Are you sure this is okay?”

“Yup,” Ye Eun replied. “Sohee is just like that because she doesn’t talk that much unless you talk to her first. Look. Hey Sohee-ah!” Everyone observed as Sohee turned her head to follow Ye Eun’s voice. “Yes, unnie?” “Is it okay to treat these guys to lunch?” “It’s fine with me, unnie.” “See?” Ye Eun smiled at Sunny after her short demonstration. “Anyway, let’s go.”

The bikini-clad girls started gathering their things.

Sunmi crouched next to the little princess who was still lying flat on her back under the scorching sun. “Sohee-ah, get up. We’re leaving now.” “Just come back for me later. I want to sleep again.” “Are you sure?” “Yeah. Pick me up before you guys go to lunch.” “Are you really, really, really sure?” “Yes.” Sunmi spent a few seconds blinking; Sohee didn’t answer. “Really, absolutely, positively, more than one-hundred percent sure, Sohee-ah?” she asked in a sing-song tone. “Sunmi,” Sohee replied almost in a mutter. “Yes, Sohee-ah? You’re not sure, are you? Ha!” “I’m—” Sohee sighed. “Just come back for me before going to lunch.” “Okay~” Sunmi chirped. “We’re leaving now. Take care of your stuff. Oh wait. Should we leave our stuff with you instead? And do you want me to set the umbrella here for you?” There was no response.

Sunmi couldn’t tell if Sohee had gone back to sleeping because of the sunglasses’ extra dark lenses. She crouched and leaned closer to inspect, but still couldn’t see anything. Out of habit, she sniffed her friend. “That’s strange. She smells normal,” she muttered.

She considered waking Sohee up again but, knowing her friend, she felt it would be bothersome if she did. She shrugged it off, stood up and joined Sunye and the others in search of the shop Yoona and Seohyun mentioned.

“You’ve been silent, Fany.” “You, too, TaeTae.”

The two were lagging behind again. They smiled or, at least, tried to. They kept their eyes moving in short intervals, not letting the other count it as a stare. Taeyeon feared this kind of awkwardness; Tiffany wasn’t exactly comfy with it, either.

“Sunmi’s shirt is cute, isn’t it?” Tiffany broke their idleness. “Yeah. It’s purple.” “You two must have the same favorite color, huh?” “Maybe… I wouldn’t really know. Why are we suddenly talking about this?” “No reason, really. I just noticed that it was purple. It reminded me of you.”

There was a momentary silence. Taeyeon took Tiffany’s hand. She had gotten so used to it that it seemed automatic; it was the same for Tiffany.

“Oh. And one other thing,” Tiffany said. “Tell me… Uh, what did you and Sunmi do with the fish?” “Nothing. I left it on the shore because it died and then she wiped my hands with hers. Nothing happened, Fany-ah. Don’t make such a big deal out of it.” “It’s not that I’m making a big deal out of it. I just noticed a few things.” Taeyeon waited for the list of ‘things.’ She knew she hadn’t been doing anything special during their talks with their newly-found friends. What ‘things’ is she talking about? “This morning, you smiled every time you smelled your hands. They smelled awful, right? But why—I dunno. I don’t get it. I’ve never seen you smile like that. That’s why I’m asking about Sunmi and the fish. If something happened, I want you to tell me. We’re friends, right?”

Taeyeon loosened her grip on Tiffany’s hand. She could already feel the tips of her fingers rubbing against Tiffany’s knuckles as her grip fell out of place, but she held on again.

“I didn’t know that I was smiling. Forget about that.” Tiffany delayed her reply after she saw Yuri stop and turn to look at them. Her reply came in a whisper instead: “For some reason, I can’t.” “If it will make you feel better, fine.”

Taeyeon thought back to the putrid smell, how it made her feel the first time she took it in. There was a lot of imagery: the fish’s blood, its dislodged eye, Sunmi’s smile. The second time wasn’t as vivid. She took the nasty smell in because, even if for just a moment, she wanted to wake up, to escape and to forget the very girl whose hand she was holding.

The problem was how to tell Tiffany the exact words she was thinking without them sounding strange. It was close to impossible. Taeyeon slightly tweaked her statement.

“I felt sorry that I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t save it. What made me feel guiltier is that in the end, what mattered more to me were the people around me and not that it lost its life. Meeting that fish was just a passing thing. It was something that interested me for a minute and, at the same time, I feel like it never happened. I feel bad about being so insensitive. That’s all. I don’t get why I looked like I was smiling when I had such sad thoughts about that poor little guy. Are you sure I was really smiling?” Tiffany shrugged. “When you say it that way maybe I saw it wrong.” “Maybe you did. Cheer up, Fany-ah. Nothing happened. I promise,” Taeyeon confidently said as if there would be something at stake if something really did happen between her and Sunmi.

She replied thinking that she was assuring her other half that she was being faithful. What hurt was the fact that there was no such commitment that involved her and Tiffany. Perhaps it wouldn’t have mattered to Tiffany at all if she and Sunmi were up to something with the fish. The thought struck her vulnerable heart.

“If you say so, TaeTae,” Tiffany replied with a smile.

This time it showed contentedness and Taeyeon could tell. They stopped walking and released each other’s hands as the others in front of them came to a halt. A stall stood in front of them. It was more colorful than the food stall they visited earlier that morning.

CHAPTER 12 “Oh! We have customers!” the young man behind the counter clapped with joy. His dark blonde hair swayed almost in time with his loose shirt as he hopped. The girls flashed a few smiles. “There sure are a whole lot of you,” the young man said, still with a smile. He held both hands in front of his mouth. “We’re going to have enough money to pay for the bills! Yes! Oh joy!” He appeared to be talking to himself.

“Teukie hyung, do we have customers?”

Another male appeared from behind the stall. He had a slightly bigger build and a deeper voice.

‘Teukie’ turned and nodded. “Yes, Kangin. There are a whole lot of ‘em, too. Do you know what this means?!” he said excitedly. Kangin paused and bit the tip of his tongue. “It means we’ll have money?” “Yes! And with these many people renting surfboards, we can quit this part-time job today and pay our bills! All that’s left is our baby’s tuition fee! I’m so happy! Hurrah!” “What—Our baby? We have a child?!” “Oh. Congratulations, oppas!” Sunmi shot a fist in the air. “Hwaiting! Hwaiting!” The others seemed puzzled. Yoobin took charge this time. “Sorry to break it to you guys but we’re not here to rent surfboards,” she said. Teukie seemed crushed. Kangin patted his back and faced Yoobin. “You could’ve said that in the first place, you know?” “But we haven’t even said anything.” Kangin’s brows shot up. “If you’re not here to rent surfboards then—” “It’s okay, appa.” Teukie gently rubbed Kangin’s shoulder. He turned to Yoobin with yet another big smile as if disappointment never struck him. “Okay! Let’s do this again,” he said. Then he cleared his throat. “Welcome to our shop. So if it’s not surfboards then what can we get you guys?” “Do you have frisbees?” Sunmi asked. Kangin couldn’t face the girl who just cheered two grown males about having a baby. “Frisbees? I don’t think we have them. I’m sorry,” Teukie regrettably replied. “Oh. Okay.” “We have small surfboards though. Maybe they can work like boomerangs or something.” Sunmi’s eyes lit up. She might as well have been a variation of ‘Super Yoong.’ “Really oppa? Will that work?” “Well, we can—” “Teukie hyung, don’t get her hopes up. Surfboards are too heavy for that sort of thing,” Kangin butted in. He turned to Sunmi with a more serious expression, perhaps to cover his embarrassment of being called ‘appa’ earlier. “Sorry. We only rent out surfboards and snorkeling gear. Maybe you can try another stall. I’m not sure if there are any that sell frisbees around here, though. All I’ve seen are sunscreen, towels and floaters. Sorry, kid.” Sunmi politely bowed with a smile. “It’s okay. Thank you for your help, oppas. We’re sorry, too because we can’t help with your baby’s tuition expenses.” “Our baby’s—Yah! Teukie hyung! Clear things out for her, will ya? Her friends are going to think we’re weird!” The rest of the girls were indeed laughing. Seohyun suddenly remembered Heechul ‘unnie’ and started giggling even more. Teukie laughed with them. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry, appa,” he teased Kangin. “Hyung! Stop that!”

“Fine.” Teukie faced the girls and started to explain. “We don’t have a baby but we took an underclassman in and we’re currently helping him with his school fees. He’s a good kid, our Kibummie.” Hyoyeon tilted her head. “Wait. Kibum? Kim Kibum?” “Yes. Do you know him?” “He was our senior last year. He already graduated but we were once in the same club or something. I’m not so sure anymore but I remember his name.” “I see. Kangin and I also went to the same high school before and—Ah! Kim Hyoyeon!” “What?! How did you know my name, oppa?” “I helped out during the high school’s Valentine’s Day event! I was cupid, remember?” Teukie began flapping his arms like he had wings, showing his signature poses so Hyoyeon would somehow remember him. “Do you remember now? I was the college oppa who handed out the candies and you were dressed in a heart with the arrows! You were still a freshman then, I think.” Hyoyeon rubbed her chin. “I’m sorry. I can’t remember that well.” “Excuse her. She forgets a lot of stuff,” Sooyoung said with a laugh. Teukie took a few minutes to look at every face. Some were familiar. “Oh, you! I remember you, too!” “Huh? Me?” Taeyeon pointed to herself, clueless. “And you!” Teukie pointed to Tiffany. “Me? What?!” “Yes, yes! You two went inside the blind date booth, right?”

Taeyeon and Tiffany exchanged glances and each bit their lower lip. The others were suddenly interested in the topic. Sunny and Sooyoung were endlessly high-fiving while Yuri and Jessica were trying to hide a few laughs. ‘Team Sunye’ didn’t know what was going on. Sunmi cheered nonetheless.

“Unnies! That’s so sweet! But wait.” She scratched her head. “Aren’t blind date booths supposed to be for people who don’t know each other? Why would two good friends go inside then? That’s weird… Really, really weird—But it’s still sweet! Sweet unnies hwaiting!” Taeyeon shook her head. “I don’t even remember being in a blind date booth. You must have mistaken me for someone else, oppa,” she told Teukie. “No. I’m sure that was you. I saw both of you. I did think it was sort of strange for two girls to be sweet like that but you two were just so adorable and cute being handcuffed together and blindfolded!” “Omo!” Sunye could no longer hold back her reaction. Ye Eun shared the same sentiment. “You were handcuffed?! That sounds... uh... fun? So what happened, Taeyeon?” she said.

Taeyeon kept shaking her head. Tiffany answered for her: “I do remember being handcuffed and blindfolded but not in a blind date booth. It was for a dare I had to do because of losing a bet, right TaeTae?” “Yeah. That’s it. We lost at an arcade game bet with Sunny and—Sunny! No way! You didn’t—” Sunny uncovered her mouth to laugh. “Sorry, Taeng. It was too good to resist! We just had to sign you guys up for the blind date booth thing.” “We? You mean everyone knew about this?!” “So that’s what happened.” Teukie nodded. “Well, whatever. It was still cute.” “So what happened next, Sunny unnie?” Sunmi eagerly asked. “Yeah! I wanna know, too!” Yoona added. “And where was I when this happened?” “I think you cut class that day, unnie,” Seohyun frankly answered. “Go Super Yoong,” Ye Eun blurted out with a giggle. “Sunny unnie, what happened?” Sunmi asked again. Poor Taeyeon felt like banging her head on the stall’s post. “Well, we didn’t tell them it was a blind date booth of course. We told them that they had to stay like that and reflect on improving their gaming skills and that if they don’t we would throw both of them into the Han River. It was hilarious! You should have heard Taeyeon talking about practicing buttonpressing by squishing grapes every morning and trading her computer in for a typewriter because she can exercise her fingers more with it and—” “Sunny, stop it,” Taeyeon pleaded. The embarrassment was too much.

Tiffany was already giggling. She remembered every minute of their silly game talk. We haven’t even graduated yet and we’re reminiscing this much? She thought.

“And then,” Sunny ignored Taeyeon, “she said she would pick Tiffany up at her house every night so they could practice at the arcade until midnight. There was this line she said… Darn. I can’t remember it. It was something like—” “Uh, guys?” Kangin said, interrupting the lively talk. “I think you have to move this conversation somewhere else. There’s a long line behind you already.” The girls turned around and were faced with a crowd. Apparently, surfing had become popular when a bunch of bikini-clad girls were seen hanging around the shop. The smile on Teukie’s face was priceless. “Kangin appa! We can quit this part-time job today I tell ya!” Kangin sighed. “Yes, Teukie hyung.” “We better go, oppas.” Sunmi waved. “Good luck with your baby’s tuition expenses!” “Oh thank you!” Teukie returned the enthusiasm. “Thanks for helping us out here, too.” He finished with a wink.

“It was nice to meet… uh, re-meet? Wait. That isn’t really a word, is it?” “That’s okay Kim Hyoyeon. It was nice to see you again, too,” Teukie said. “Okay, oppa. See ya around.”

The girls waved goodbye and walked back to where they left Sohee. The beach grew less spacious as every spot seemed to have an umbrella sticking out of the ground and next to it a cooler filled with drinks and a beach blanket. Sunmi was the first to approach the little princess.

“Sohee-ah, we’re back!” “Sunmi-ah…” The other observed as Sohee tried to sit up. She fell back down and almost screamed. Sunny was already thinking she was right about pulling Sohee closer under the umbrella earlier. Sunmi stretched her arm out. “Sohee-ah, what’s the matter? Give me your hand. I’ll help you up.” Sohee nodded and tried to sit up to grab Sunmi’s hand. She barely held it and fell back down, screaming at the top of her lungs: “YAAAAAH!!” The members of ‘Team Sunye’ rushed to Sohee’s side. “Omo! Sohee-ah! What’s wrong with you?” Sunny was examining Sohee’s reddish skin and compared it to hers as well as with the others’. “I knew this would happen,” she whispered.

Sunmi was partially worried; the other half of her emotions were of awe. She stared at her hand, the one that Sohee failed to hold tightly. A sudden smile appeared on her face.

“Sohee-ah! Sohee-ah!” “… What?” “I have the touch, don’t I?” “The touch?!” “The electric touch that knocks you off of your feet! Right? Right? Man, I am jjang!” Sohee sighed and remained still as her unnies tried to comfort her. Yoona was curious. She stood next to Sunmi and offered a hand. “Sunmi-ah, let’s shake hands.” “Oh. You want to feel my electric touch, too, unnie?” “Do you really have it? Or do you have a hand-buzzer, hm?” “Nope.” Sunmi proudly displayed her bare palms. “All I have are these wonderfully gifted hands.” “Cool! Let’s shake hands then!”

The two put palm and palm together, expecting a big explosion or the sand at their feet to swirl around them from their supposedly ‘electric’ skin contact. They waited.

Sooyoung laughed. “These kids are crazy,” she said.

Jessica was holding Yuri back from tearing Yoona off of Sunmi while Seohyun watched closely. She might have been expecting a spaceship to appear, too.

“Sunmi-ah, I don’t think this is working,” Yoona muttered. “I agree, unnie. Could this mean that…” “That what?”

Sunmi slowly released Yoona’s hand and stared at it. She turned it back and forth, stretched her fingers, smelled them, and turned her hand again. There was still nothing special about her hand. She fell to the ground, knees first.

“No! I’ve lost it! I’ve lost the electric touch! Sohee-ah stole it!” Sohee tried to sit up again. “What the hell?! You don’t have a—Oh my aching… Yah!” Sunye gently attended to her dongsaeng. “Calm down, Sohee-ah. You’re sunburned. Aish… We need to treat you somehow.” “Should I carry her again?” Yoobin asked. “No,” Ye Eun answered. “That will hurt her more.” Sunny stepped into the scene. “We should ask for assistance. Maybe the lifeguard knows something. Yuri-ah, we saw a lifeguard when we were playing earlier, right?” Yuri nodded. “Yeah, we met him.” “Good. Did you manage to talk to him or something? Do you even remember his face?” “Well, I remember his face a little bit. But he was actually talking to Tiffany so—Ow! Sica!” Jessica stared back at Yuri with widened eyes. It was the ‘Taeyeon is listening, you idiot’ look. Tiffany raised a hand. “If you need oppa’s help, I can—” “No.” Jessica pulled Tiffany’s hand down. “Let Yuri go find him.”

Taeyeon stood by, clueless about how hard her friends tried to keep her from hearing things she did not want to hear. If only she knew that then maybe she would have felt like leaning on them more.

Yuri nodded. “Uh, yeah. I’ll go look for him.” “I’ll go with you,” Sunye offered. She gave Sohee one last worried look and left with Yuri.

Sooyoung unrolled their beach blanket again and had everyone sit on it to rest. Sunmi seemed to have gotten over her electric touch and was now settled beside Sohee, trying to cheer her up with a funny face. Taeyeon kept sighing.

Tiffany giggled. “Should we tell them the rest of the story, TaeTae?” she said. The others clearly heard. It did not appear like Tiffany was trying to whisper it in the first place. “Yeah, tell us what happened next, unnie! No one ever told me about this!” Yoona pouted. “Not even you, Hyunnie!” Seohyun lightly scratched her cheek with a finger. “I’m sorry, unnie. I think I forgot as well.” “Your virus is pretty contagious, isn’t it?” Sooyoung nudged Hyoyeon. Hyoyeon replied with a glare. “So what happened, Taeyeon?” Yoobin asked. Sunmi was listening. Her enthusiastic self slowly faded as she watched over Sohee who was in too much pain but she was listening. Sunny threw Taeyeon an apologetic look and smiled. “I guess we have to finish this story, Taengoo. What was that line again? That line you told Tiffany one time. You didn’t repeat that ever again, did you?” Ye Eun sat down, hugging her legs tighter as she listened. “Now, I’m just really curious.” “I don’t remember what it is, either,” Tiffany added. “Care to remind me, TaeTae?” “Please don’t make me do this,” Taeyeon whispered so only Tiffany could hear. “But why? Is it embarrassing?” “As hell.” Tiffany laughed again. “Then just share it. We all need a good laugh. It might cheer Sohee up again, too. Right, Sunmi?” Sunmi raised her head. “She fell asleep again, unnie.” “Oh.” Everyone laughed. A small whimper came shortly afterwards. “Taeyeon unnie… please tell the story so Yoona unnie would stop pinching my arm.” “Yeah. Do it for Seohyun’s sake, Taeyeon,” Sooyoung prodded. Other than Sunny, she enjoyed teasing the life out of the poor shorty. Jessica let out a small giggle, knowing how embarrassing Taeyeon’s story was. “Fine.” Taeyeon sighed. “After this no more embarrassing stories about me, okay?” “Deal,” Sunny replied. “Well, at least for today. We can start again tomorrow.” “Gah! Soonkyu!” “Whatever. Just get on with the story, Taengoo.”

Taeyeon cleared her throat.

“We were invited to play at a stall with arcade games during the Valentine’s Day event at our school. It was the day we lost to Sunny in an arcade game bet. Fany-ah and I were quickly handcuffed and blindfolded. Both of us thought we were only in an empty classroom because we couldn’t see anything at all. The blindfolds were tied too tight and I remember not being able to breathe that much. When I tried to move my right hand, Fany’s left hand would go with it. I kept on forgetting that my right hand was tied down so I kept using it. We laughed a whole lot because of that. Anyway, I told Fany-ah about my plans of coming by her house at night so we could sneak out to go to the arcade. Now that I think about it, it was a stupid idea. We never did get to do that because her dad double-locked their gate and—”

“Strict parents, huh?” Ye Eun mumbled. Everyone turned to her. “Oh. I’m sorry. Please go on.” Taeyeon smiled. “Uh, well we did try it once. But we got caught so that’s why they still have that double-lock on their gate right now. Then I was grounded for a month because my parents found out, too. That’s it, basically.” “That’s still pretty sweet, unnie,” Sunmi commented, running her fingers through Sohee’s hair. “But what was the line, TaeTae?” Tiffany asked, pouting. “Do I really have to?” “Yes.” Everyone kept silent, being extra mindful of Taeyeon’s next words. Even the sleeping Sohee looked like she was listening. “I told her...” “Out with it, Taeng,” Jessica muttered. Taeyeon nodded. She faced Tiffany. “Ti-ppany, that day when we couldn’t see anything and our hands were hurting because of the steel cuffs, I told you you’d have nothing to worry about, right?” “Yes. I think I remember.” “Good. I also told you that we’d get Sunny back and practice gaming at the arcade even if it takes all night, right?” Tiffany nodded. “But I said we couldn’t stay past midnight and that I’d get you back home from the arcade before twelve. Every night before midnight strikes, I said I’d walk you home and I’d have you back at your house safe and sound.” Taeyeon paused and scratched her head, slowly moving her eyes away from Tiffany’s in embarrassment. “Do you remember what comes next?”

Tiffany paused; the others were trying to pull the pieces together for her.

“It’s really stupid now that I’m saying it the second time, but I told you that you’d play my Cinderella… Uh, but without the magic pumpkin, of course. And the glass slipper. And the fairy godmother thing. And the talking mice. And the evil cat. And the evil stepmom. And—” Tiffany laughed. “I remember now! Silly Kim Taeyeon!” The others burst into a collective ‘Awwww.’ Sunmi smiled. “Sweet Taeyeon unnie hwaiting!” Yoona’s regrets were overflowing. “And I missed this? No!!”

CHAPTER 13 The lifeguard’s post was empty. Yuri and Sunye exchanged glances and sighed.

“Maybe he’s out saving someone who’s drowning,” Sunye said. “Maybe.” Yuri leaned on the lifeguard’s post and crossed her arms on her chest. A few thoughts were running through her mind again. “Sunye?” “Yes?” “What do you think of Taeyeon?” Sunye showed a bit of a smile. “Taeyeon? She’s nice. I mean, she’s really kind and funny. Why do you ask?” Yuri blinked, bit her lip and then she swallowed. “What does Sunmi think about her?” “Well, Taeyeon was the first one Sunmi mentioned when she got to our lodge. She said she woke up and thought she was talking to an angel. I can’t blame her though. Taeyeon’s skin is as white as snow. Whiter, maybe. And she’s as cute as a button. Then she said something about fish. She didn’t mention a lot about that, but now I’m guessing it has something to do with Taeyeon, too. Am I right?” Yuri nodded. “Taeng was trying to save a fish and got her hands dirty because of it. She said Sunmi wiped them clean with her own hands after that.” “So that’s why her hands stinked!” Yuri laughed. “Yes. That’s probably why. So… can you say that Sunmi likes Taeyeon?” “In what sense are we talking about?” Yuri shrugged. “I don’t know,” she lied. “Any sense, I guess.” Sunye held back a nod. “I get the feeling that she does. She’s unusually more hyper now. It’s normal for Sunmi to be happy, but happy just reached a whole new level, I think. She enjoys seeing you guys, too. I think it’s because there are more people to talk to now. I’m really thankful that you guys took care of her when she arrived at your lodge.”

“Really, Taeyeon, Tiffany and Seohyun are the only ones you should thank. I didn’t know anything at first to be honest. But if I did then I would’ve done the same. I guess we can’t blame anyone for these sorts of misunderstandings.” Sunye nodded.

“How may I help you?”

The two turned around. Naked from the waist up, a tall, well-built young man gave a wide smile. The two girls took a step back and gave a bow.

“Hello. We met earlier,” Yuri said. “Ah yes. You were the one with Tiffany, right?”

A blunt point burrowed deeper into Yuri’s chest after she heard the lifeguard say Tiffany’s name so casually. She imagined Taeyeon’s grim face if she somehow heard it. She forced a smile.

“Yeah, I’m Tiffany’s friend. I’m Yuri and this is Sunye.” She made a quick introduction. Sunye gave another bow and waved. The lifeguard politely nodded. “I’m Choi Siwon. It’s very nice to meet you. How can I help you guys?” “Our friend got badly sunburned. We were wondering if you could help us treat her. We don’t know how to carry her without hurting her,” Sunye answered. “I see. Well, I can ask a few of my friends to help me get a stretcher. Where are you guys staying? Is it near here?” “A bit farther,” Sunye guessed. “We’re near the right side. Just look for two big umbrellas… Uh, or Tiffany’s bright pink bikini.” She ended with a giggle.

Yuri could not blame Sunye; she waited for Siwon’s reaction.

“Okay. I think I’ll be able to figure it out. See you guys in a bit.”

Siwon bade goodbye and sprinted toward the opposite direction. Without another word, and only a passing grin shared between them, Yuri and Sunye started heading back. I don’t think he likes Tiffany in that way, Yuri thought to herself, keeping her facial expression in check so Sunye would not suspect anything. No matter how I look at it, Taeng has it harder than me.

They arrived at their spot with two big umbrellas and found a few group interactions: Sohee was talking to Sunmi about something that seemed to be a serious matter with the way they were keeping their voices down; Sunny was holding a sunscreen bottle and appeared to be talking to Yoobin and Ye Eun about it; Yoona was lying rolled on her side with her head on Seohyun’s lap. They were laughing as much as Sunmi and Sohee were being discreet; Hyoyeon and Jessica were silently sitting next to each other, exchanging looks and then turning to Taeyeon and Tiffany who sat across them.

“The lifeguard is on his way,” Sunye informed the group. Sunmi looked up and Sohee nodded. The others were at a temporary pause. “Sohee-ah, are you okay now? Or does it still hurt?” Sunye asked. Sohee shook her head. “I’m feeling better, unnie.” “I told you to put sunscreen on, didn’t I?” Sunmi added. “Yeah. I fell asleep and forgot. Sorry, Sunmi-ah.” “I knew there was something wrong when I found out you smelled normal. Tsk. I should’ve known it was because you didn’t put some on.”

Sunmi had a different glow, like she carried all the blame; Sohee appeared more submissive this time around, too.

The positions were reshuffled after Yuri and Sunye’s arrival. However, Taeyeon remained by Tiffany’s side. She thought her words over, how awkward she felt and how uncomfortable she imagined Tiffany was on the inside when they reminisced about their freshman year. It might have been something I treasured, but what if she just wanted to forget it? She shouldn’t have forced herself to listen to the stupid story in the first place then.

“Taeyeon unnie?” Sunmi shyly tapped Taeyeon’s shoulder. “I’m sorry for the trouble. You must be hungry already.”

The flow of Taeyeon’s depressing thoughts came to a stop the moment she felt someone’s breath on her neck. Sunmi had crouched that close to her. She turned her head and got a glimpse of Sunmi rubbing her stomach, probably illustrating that that was how she thought the rest of ‘Team Taeyeon’ was feeling. She was still in that purple shirt. Taeyeon backed a few inches away before answering.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry, Sunmi.”

Sunmi cleared her throat. She was playing with her hair again, rubbing a few strands with her index finger and thumb. Without meeting Taeyeon’s eyes, she said: “I’ll watch over Sohee and the other

unnies will go with you guys. I’m really sorry for keeping all of you here. Your tummies must be grumbling, right?” Taeyeon shook her head. “Why don’t we do take-out or something? So we can all eat here together?” she proposed. The others nodded except Sohee who did not have the luxury to do so. “In that case, should we split into groups and take turns ordering?” Ye Eun stood up, already clutching her wallet. “Or should we ask everyone what they want and maybe take two or three people to help with carrying the orders?” “Everyone except Sunmi and Sohee should go.” Yoobin made the counter-proposal. “It’ll be faster that way and we can all eat at the same time, too. We’ll just ask what Sunmi and Sohee want. That’s easier.” “Fine with me,” Sunye said.

Tiffany took Taeyeon’s hand and stood up. Sunmi was still standing behind them, listening to how the ordering will take place. The rest of ‘Team Taeyeon’ stood up one after the other.

“Thank you again for this.” Seohyun gave a deep bow. Yoona followed. “Let’s go before the food spoils!” “Please have some shame, Sooyoungie,” Sunny commented with a look of disappointment. “How many times does she have to tell you?” Hyoyeon added. Sooyoung gave them both a big smile. “What do you wanna eat, Sunmi-ah?” Sunye asked. With the others standing right behind her, shoulder-to-shoulder, she could have been mistaken for leading an army. Sunmi rubbed her chin. “Noodles? Or maybe you should just pick for me, unnie.” “And you Sohee-ah?” There was no response. “She fell asleep again. Aish. Just get us both the same thing, unnie,” Sunmi said. “Maybe she won’t mind.” “Okay.”

The ‘army’ of girls left their base to refill their rations. Noon had long since passed, but it did not seem like it mattered. Time did not play a primary role during vacations. If it were possible, each of them would have traded anything to go through life without ever knowing the concept of time. The two in front felt the strongest about it, in fact.

“Let’s go see Seohyun’s unnie,” Taeyeon said, looking over her shoulder as she walked. Tiffany giggled and then returned to facing forward.

Yoona, being the curious one again, was the first to react. “Who’s unnie? Huh?” “It’s the oppa I met this morning,” Seohyun answered. Everyone was confused. “I thought it was an unnie? What oppa?” “You just have to see for yourself,” Taeyeon told her curious dongsaeng. “And here I was thinking Seohyun told us everything,” Sunny muttered as she leaned across Jessica to reach Yuri. “Leave the kid alone. I’m sure she didn’t mean to,” Yuri replied with a laugh.

Without a word, Jessica pushed Sunny back. They went on with their walk. Sooyoung and Hyoyeon seemed to be discussing something in secret just behind the trio. Yuri’s ears became extra sharp after she heard ‘Taeng,’ ‘Sunmi,’ and ‘tomorrow’ in one sentence. She wanted to stop and turn, but Jessica’s hand had slipped into hers. It was the ‘Relax and just walk’ signal, if she read Jessica’s actions right.

Taeyeon and Tiffany stopped in front of the familiar stall with the chalkboard menu and the box of tissue paper on the counter. The others behind them came to a halt as well. Taeyeon pulled Seohyun from the group and settled her in front of the counter. The same long hair, chilly aura and towering height stood before them. The pink apron was missing.

“Hello again, Heechul unnie,” Seohyun greeted. “Ah. It’s you. Did you come to bring my apron back? Hm?”

Heechul’s first ‘Ah’ already got the rest of the girls’ attention. One look at his eyes, his milky white skin and his reddish lips would have had anyone staring. It was that first ‘Ah,’ though, that left a mark. Everyone must have thought: “Now we’ve seen it for ourselves. The oppa who’s an unnie.”

Seohyun bit her lip and turned to Tiffany. “Do you want to return the apron, unnie?” “No way! It’s cute.” Seohyun cleared her throat and faced Heechul. “Sorry. My unnie likes it too much.” “Of course she does,” Heechul replied. His tone seemed monotonous. “Are you here to order again?” “Yes.”

Heechul did not feel like lifting his pen. He blinked, cleared his throat and then he turned to his side a few times. He could hear the sizzling from the small space behind him as he watched the girls gather around the chalkboard menu. It was similar to the scene earlier that morning. He made sure he

would not retreat to the kitchen and risk having a flock of girls disappear on him. Business was still business after all. And customers are still customers no matter how long they take to order.

“So that’s nine servings of naengmyun and then five full meals with smoothies? That’s it?” The girls nodded. He was right about not bothering to lift his pen after all. “No side dishes to go with the naengmyun? No ice cream? No drinks?” Sunye turned to the rest of ‘Team Taeyeon.’ They all shook their heads. She giggled. “You have to be kidding us, guys. Only naengmyun for lunch? Seriously?”

The nine girls stared at each other for a few seconds and nodded. Sunye turned to Heechul.

“Make that fourteen full meals. Smoothies for each one, too. Uh, and ice cream. Thank you~”

Heechul must have been as happy as Teukie from the surfboard renting stall. He spun 180 degrees and got ready to scream for his companion. He could hear the girls squabbling about something behind him.

“That’s really too much, Sunye,” Taeyeon said. “We’re okay with naengmyun. Really.” Yoobin raised a finger. “We said we’d treat you guys. Don’t try to escape by ordering so little. Thought we wouldn’t notice, did ya?” she finished with a wink. “No worries, okay?” Ye Eun added. “Hankyung! Get out here!”

All eyes were back on Heechul. His voice sounded deeper and it caused his ‘unnie’ image to disappear momentarily. One look at him again, though, and the girls already had second thoughts.

“Yeah, yeah,” went the voice from the kitchen. Another tall figure emerged. He wiped his hands on his blue apron and faced Heechul. “You’re the one who’s supposed to bring the list of orders to the kitchen, you know?” he said. “I know, but it’s so useless to give you a slip of paper that says ‘fourteen full meals with smoothies and ice cream,’ don’t you think?” Hankyung sighed. “Yes, Chullie. So that’s their order? I’ll get to it then. It might take awhile.” “Wait.” Heechul grabbed his friend’s arm and turned him to face the girls. “They look familiar, right?” The girls blinked.

“Well, some of them do,” Hankyung replied, scratching his head. “Hi there. By any chance, were you guys at a Valentine’s Day event? It was held at—” “Yes, we were,” Sunny answered. “Don’t tell me… you were the guys at the arcade stall?” “Heck yeah,” Heechul replied with a smirk. “What a coincidence,” Hankyung added. “That was such a long time ago. Are you guys still in high school?” Sunny shook her head. “We’re graduating soon. After this vacation—Well, hopefully. It’s kind of sad. And we’re a bit nervous.” “I’m sure you guys will do fine. There’s nothing to worry about. College isn’t that bad, either and besides, it’s right next to the high school. If you’re not applying for some other school, I mean. Like us.” “I guess so. So does this mean that you know Teukie—” “Teukie? Ha! Of course!” Heechul confirmed. He released Hankyung’s arm and folded his arms across his chest. “Is he around here or something?” Sunny nodded. “Well, since you remember us and Teukie oppa knows us, too, do we get some kind of discount or somethi—” “All right. That’s enough small talk,” Heechul cut in. “Hanny, you should make their food now and, uh, Soonkyu, was it?”

Hankyung disappeared into the kitchen and prepared himself for the tough task of cooking fourteen meals all at once. If that was even possible.

Sunny pointed to herself. “Please call me Sunny. Wait. How did you know my name?” “Sunny? But I remember ‘Soonkyu’ written on the sign-up sheet at the arcade stall.” “I didn’t write—Yah! Choi Sooyoung! Kim Hyoyeon! Which one of you is the culprit?!” Sunny pointed at the two with her voice raised. “Get over it, Soonkyu!” the two replied, teasing. Without anything to come back with, Sunny faced Heechul again. “How can you be so sure that it was me, oppa?”

Heechul laughed. No one wanted to admit that there was a sudden villainous aura. “Aside from the fact that you just said so yourself,” he paused and laughed again, “I remember that it was you because you kept asking for a discount on the tokens for the arcade, too! I would’ve kicked your butt outta there, you know?”

Taeyeon stuck her tongue out at Sunny. “Finally, an embarrassing story about you, Soonkyu.” “Taeng’s stories are still the best, right Cinderella?” Sunny turned to Tiffany with a teasing glare. Tiffany pursed her lips. “It’s really embarrassing when you call me that in public.”

“And besides, that’s my nickname.” Heechul had successfully grabbed everyone’s attention once more. “Really, oppa? Ah. I mean, unnie?” Yoona said in disbelief. “You’re Cinderella?” Heechul flung his long hair over his shoulder. “Isn’t it obvious?” The scene could have played in slow motion to capture every fine strand of hair on Heechul’s head as they gracefully landed on his back. But it did not. The attention was still on him, though. “Like it or not, that’s what they call me,” he continued. “With this perfect face, who can deny it, right?” “Well, I—” “Okay. Let’s get to the payment, shall we?” Heechul flatly ignored Yoona’s comment.

Sunye, Yoobin and Ye Eun asked to be left behind at the counter with their wallets ready. ‘Team Taeyeon’ waited a few feet away and discussed the topic once more.

“They insisted so let’s leave it at that, yeah?” Sooyoung calmly concluded. “It’s a bit too much, though,” Jessica said. “Let’s just leave it and thank them,” Taeyeon added. “It must be tiring for them to get rejected over and over.” “Come to think of it, any type of rejection is…” “Is what?” Taeyeon asked, facing a distracted-looking Yuri. “Nothing. Just talking to myself.”

CHAPTER 14 Fourteen full meals with smoothies and ice cream later, the girls were full and Sohee was finally rescued. The sixth lodge was identical to the ninth: the same screen door, the smooth walls, the cold floorboards, the steel table in the kitchen.

The stretcher used to carry Sohee rested on a wall near her bed. Two tall, young men, naked from the waist up, were standing beside it.

“Just make sure she doesn’t get exposed to sunlight for now. Nothing can really heal sunburns except time,” Siwon told Sunmi who was sitting at the foot of Sohee’s bed. “Thank you very much, oppas.” “No problem. Well, I guess we better get going. See you around.”

The two took one end of the stretcher each and carried it out the room where the rest of the girls were waiting. Despite wanting to check up on Sohee’s condition, the rest of ‘Team Sunye’ decided to wait outside to keep themselves from crowding around their little princess. “She’s going to be just fine. It’ll just take time,” Siwon repeated. The girls nodded. “Thank you again, Siwon oppa.” Sunye gave a deep bow. She faced Siwon’s companion. “And, uh, I don’t think we’ve been introduced.”

The young man extended his arm toward Sunye. “I’m Hyukjae. It’s very nice to meet you all.” Sunye took Hyukjae’s hand and shook it. The rest of the girls gave bows instead. Each of them thought it would be too troublesome if everyone shook Hyukjae’s hand. It would look like a fan signing, they guessed.

“Oh yeah. Tiffany?” Tiffany took one step forward toward Siwon. “Yes, oppa?” “You said you wanted to talk about something?” “Ah. Right. It’s about—” “Shall we talk outside? It would be rude of us to talk in the middle of the room.” Tiffany nodded. Siwon led her outside the lodge, leaving Hyukjae and the stretcher.

Yuri and Jessica exchanged glances. They stole a glance at Taeyeon who did not look too bothered by Tiffany and Siwon’s absence. They shrugged and decided to leave the matter until later.

Everyone else eyed Hyukjae’s exposed torso. His shoulders were not as broad as Siwon’s, but his chest had a certain solid feel to it. His arms had the right amount of toning and the whistle around his neck was eye-catching.

“Oppa!” Hyukjae seemed shocked. He put the other end of the stretcher down. “Yes?” “Why is your whistle a fish?” Hyoyeon nudged her dongsaeng. “Yoong. Stop asking strange questions.” “But it’s strange. Siwon oppa’s whistle is just a normal whistle, but yours is—” Hyukjae pinched the end of his whistle and held it before Yoona. “This whistle is the reason why I became a lifeguard.” The room was filled with ‘Ooooh.’ “So what’s the story, oppa?” Yoona continued, covering her side in case Hyoyeon decided to nudge her again. It did not happen. Hyoyeon had found an interest in the story as well.

Hyukjae blew into the whistle. A high-pitched sound was produced. He opened his mouth to release it and let it fall on his chest. It landed with a little clink. “A friend of mine gave me this whistle. We met during summer swimming lessons when we were little. There was a time when I lost my footing and I fell into the deeper part of the pool. I wasn’t wearing a floatation vest so I was obviously going to drown. I seriously thought of dying, of my nine-year-old life flashing right before my eyes. My lungs were too weak back then and I wasn’t able to breathe in a lot of air before I fell.” He paused and stared at his whistle. The girls were listening too intently to blink. They might have been holding their breath, waiting for the suspense to end. “But just as I was about to give up, I heard my name. And then I heard a loud, ear-piercing sound. My name and the sound. Alternating. I kept my eyes open and started kicking, waving my arms and just moving in any way I could. The rest is a blur, to be honest, but my friend told me I swam all the way to the pool’s edge. He said I barely stuck my hand out from under the water. I don’t remember at all, but I trust what he said. Then he pulled me up, kept blowing the whistle next to my ear until I woke up and spit the water out. He didn’t know mouth-to-mouth. There was nobody around and he didn’t know how to swim, either so he said he grabbed the whistle from our teacher’s bench and started blowing into it to tell me where he was so I would reach out for him. It’s a near-death experience story, really, but nowadays, I just tell everyone it’s a ‘How To Be A Lifeguard’ story.”

Silence.

“Is it strange?” Hyukjae asked, rubbing his arm. The girls shook their heads. Taeyeon was deep in thought. Drowning, huh? Maybe I am, too. “But why is the whistle a fish?” Yoona pointed to the strangely-shaped whistle. Hyukjae laughed. “My friend looks like a fish. This whistle just reminds me of him.” The screen door opened with a small squeak. Siwon held it open and Tiffany proceeded inside. “Hyung, we should get going,” Siwon told Hyukjae. “Okay,” Hyukjae replied. He turned to the girls and gave one last bow. “I hope my story wasn’t boring. We’ll be going now. Bye.” The stretcher was carried outside, the two young men on either side. The screen door closed with another squeak. “So I guess we should be going, too,” Taeyeon told Sunye. “Tell Sunmi and Sohee we went ahead.” “No problem. It was fun hanging out with you guys today. Have a safe walk back to your lodge.” “We will. Thanks.” Yuri gave Sunye a smile as if to apologize for their talk about Sunmi liking Taeyeon. Sunye gave a nod.

‘Team Taeyeon’ thanked ‘Team Sunye’ for the free meal. After a few waves and half-hugs, the nine girls were outside the sixth lodge. Their umbrella was leaning against the side of the lodge. Yuri was in charge of dragging it again. The others carried their own bags this time.

Tiffany went for Taeyeon’s hand. “Let’s go see maintenance later,” she said “The what?” Taeyeon asked. “Maintenance. To fix our door. Siwon oppa said we should just go there if we have any concerns. The earlier the better, right?” Jessica gave Taeyeon a quick look. “Yeah. Go. Change at the lodge and get back quick, okay?” “Good idea, Jessi,” Tiffany said. “I’m a bit thirsty, too. Let’s get a drink before leaving, okay TaeTae?” Taeyeon nodded.

The other seven briskly overtook Taeyeon and Tiffany. Sunny left a floating message near Taeyeon’s ear as she passed: “Remember to bring her back before midnight, Taengoo~”

Left alone. Again. Taeyeon was starting to ask herself if Tiffany had any other plans for the both of them. For more times than she could count, they had always ended up missing from the main scene. But what could she do? She gripped Tiffany’s hand.

They lagged behind again, taking their time. Every step seemed an hour long, every inhale of air even longer by minutes. Taeyeon hadn’t forgotten about Hyukjae’s story. She wished Tiffany could’ve heard it. She wanted Tiffany to save her with a whistle just in case. If that made sense. It kept repeating in her head as they pressed on.

The ninth lodge’s pitiful door opened, not with a small squeak like the sixth lodge’s, but with a heartbreaking creak. Everyone had finished changing into shirts and shorts when Taeyeon and Tiffany arrived.

Sunny was on the couch and Yoona was sprawled on the floor.

Sunny gave the opening statement: “If you want to shower, you have to wait. Seohyun’s taking forever.” “Hyunnie… Why must you take so long?” Yoona muttered.

Taeyeon took Tiffany’s things and left them with hers on the floor. She remembered that Tiffany was thirsty.

“Soonkyu, did you plug the refrigerator in yet?” she asked. Sunny merely waved a hand in the air. “Check it out, will you, TaeTae?” Tiffany said as she lied beside Yoona on the floor. She was still in her two-piece and the floor was cold. She didn’t seem to mind. “We can buy a few more drinks to put inside after we go see maintenance.” “Okay.”

Still in a two-piece herself, Taeyeon walked toward the kitchen. She stopped. A few more steps, probably two or three, she would have been right where she and Tiffany spent the first night of their vacation. Yuri and Jessica were near the sink with their backs turned and their voices kept down. Taeyeon planned to go back to the living room.

“You have other things to worry about,” Jessica said. Taeyeon’s feet were glued to the floor. She slowed her breathing down, kept still. “I know,” Yuri answered. “Are you getting tired?” Jessica rested both hands on the edge of the sink, leaned forward and sighed. “Don’t even bother asking me that. You do know that I’ll always be with you, right? We’ll decide on this together. But what’s holding you back?” “A lot of things,” Yuri answered. She sounded frustrated. There was silence. She turned her head to the side, perhaps catching a glimpse of Jessica beside her. Then she said: “But I like things the way they are. I’m fine like this. I’m fine with just us. I hope you understand.” Taeyeon saw Jessica’s shoulders rise. She wanted to hear more. “I want to have this out in the open,” Jessica replied. “But I’d rather go with whatever makes you feel more comfortable. If you wanna keep it a secret then let’s keep it a secret. Just please be more honest with me. We can’t go around with ‘maybe’ in our hearts anymore, understand?” Maybe? Hearts? Taeyeon heard more, but wasn’t sure if she wanted to know more. She took a step back. “What’s taking you so long?” went a voice from behind her. She fell into a pair of arms. She hesitantly turned her head. “Ti-ppany?” “Yo. What’s the matter? You look dazed.” “You guys sure took your time walking,” Jessica said with her arms crossed. She was being her usual self, like nothing happened, like she and Yuri weren’t talking about ‘maybe’ and ‘hearts.’ Taeyeon faced forward. “Yeah. Uh, is the fridge plugged in?”

“I think so. Seohyun put her tumblers inside when we arrived. I wonder where she got that much water.” “It’s not tap water, is it?” Jessica shrugged. Tiffany squeezed Taeyeon more, being playful by the looks of it. The sides of their heads touched, fit together like the image was something perfect. She noticed Yuri sulking in a corner. “Kwon Yuw-ree! Why so down?” she said with a big smile, oblivious to the real situation, of course. “Just thinking of what to have for dinner,” Yuri replied, forcing a grin. “Well you better think fast,” Tiffany said. She was still cheery. “Because after we take a quick shower and get changed we’re going out. We’ll buy dinner and some drinks after we go to the maintenance office. Naengmyun again, maybe?”

Taeyeon kept herself from making any sudden movements. Tiffany’s forearms were against her exposed abdomen and the soft chest pressed on her back wasn’t making her thinking go as smoothly as she hoped.

“You two look cute like that,” Jessica commented. She rubbed her chin and continued to observe the couple before her. “Really cute.” “You think so?” Tiffany giggled. She pulled Taeyeon closer, hugging her like an infant clings to a pillow. “That means we’re compatible, TaeTae!” Taeyeon’s eyes widened. Compatible. It wasn’t such a big word but it was music to her ears. “Taeng’s got a girlfriend!” Jessica teased. She stuck the tip of her tongue out and laughed. Yuri started letting out a few chuckles of her own, though deep down she was worried about Tiffany’s reaction. “That’s just low.” Taeyeon frowned. “You’re bored, aren’t you?” “Yes, but more than that, it’s getting hot. Come on Yuri-ah. Let’s turn the AC on.”

Jessica took Yuri’s hand, passed Taeyeon and Tiffany and left for their room. Tiffany and Taeyeon didn’t move.

“Girlfriend, huh?” Tiffany mumbled. “She was just kidding,” Taeyeon defended. “Of course she was. It would be weird if it were real.” Tiffany released Taeyeon and laughed. “Maybe Seobaby is finished showering. Do you want to go first? Or should I?” It would be weird? Taeyeon forced a smile. “Rock, paper, scissors. Loser gets to go last and carry everything we’re going to buy later.”

“Game!” Set on winning, the two had their first round. “Rock, paper, scissors!” They both had rock. “Rock, paper, scissors!” Taeyeon had scissors; Tiffany had rock. Taeyeon pouted. “Rematch!” “Nuh-uh.” Tiffany winked, waving a finger in the air. “But don’t worry. I’ll help you carry the stuff.”

The match ended fair and square. Taeyeon snatched one of Seohyun’s tumblers from inside the refrigerator and gave it to Tiffany. They both took a few sips of water out of the plastic container, sharing something some may call an indirect kiss. Tiffany didn’t look bothered; Taeyeon had to restrain herself from ‘spazzing.’

They left the kitchen and found Sunny still on the living room couch. Yoona was sitting up with Seohyun’s help.

Tiffany gave her best smile. “Can I shower next? Please?” “Yes, unnie!” Yoona nodded. Her neck could have snapped off. “Yey! I can still sleep. Let go, Hyunnie!” Seohyun sighed. “You’re so lazy, Yoona unnie.” She let go of Yoona’s hand and let her fall back on the floor. Taeyeon handed Tiffany her things. “Here. Make it quick so we can leave and get back early.” “Yessir.” Tiffany skipped. Taeyeon watched her leave, sighed and then sat on the floor. “What’s the matter with you? You were all smiles awhile ago,” Hyoyeon asked. Taeyeon didn’t notice her sitting by the couch. “Nothing much. The usual,” Taeyeon replied. She grabbed the towel by her bag and wrapped it around her barely covered body. “Sounds like we can have the meeting now,” Sunny chirped. “Choi Sooyoung!!” she screamed. The others waited for a response. A door flew open. “Is it meeting time, Soonkyu?” Sooyoung came rushing out of the room opposite that of Jessica and Yuri’s. “You betcha! Let’s get this show on the road, yeah?” Sunny shot two fists in the air. “Brokenhearted Taengoo? Check! Cute, bubbly date a.k.a. Sunmi? Check! Reason? Motive? Does anyone have any good ideas?”

“What the—Sunny! You told me I wouldn’t have to go through with this if I didn’t want to!” Taeyeon protested. “Yeah, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Besides, Sunmi thinks you’re an angel! It’s so cute. The girl’s fallen for ya, I say!” “How did you—Don’t tell me you asked her about me. Dammit, guys! Don’t do this to me!” Hyoyeon patted Taeyeon’s back. “Relax. It’s worth a try anyway. Besides, you look like a train crashed into you or something. Tiffany said something again, didn’t she? Something about girlfriends, maybe?” Taeyeon bit her lip. Her expression was grim. “You listened in on us?” “Sorry unnie,” Seohyun said.

She had been doing a lot of things worth being guilty about lately. No one knew just how far she could go before breaking down. She was the real angel of the group after all. What kept her going was, just like what the others were thinking of, making Taeyeon forget about an impossible dream. Or at least distract her long enough to make her forget.

Yoona was supposed to be asleep but she just couldn’t leave things as they were. She lied on the floor flat on her back and raised the laminated nine that hung around her neck. She had forgotten all about it until then. “It must have really hurt to hear that, Taeyeon unnie,” she said. Taeyeon didn’t answer. Yoona stared at the card as the silence continued, turned it, stared at it for few more seconds then let it fall on her chest again. “One try, unnie. Just one try. You might get to like her more, you know? She’s funny, cute—a little weird, I admit. But still cute. Just try,” she said.

The honesty and concern in Yoona’s tone sank deep into Taeyeon’s thoughts. She sighed.

“Fine. One try.”

CHAPTER 15 The maintenance office was cramped. Two wooden desks stood side by side. They bumped into one another every time someone squeezed to sit on the chairs behind them. Similar to the one at their lodge, a fishing pole display hung at the back of the room. A few framed documents were placed beside it. The papers were dark brown at the edges like they were burnt, too white in the middle parts like bleach had spilled on them. No one would be surprised if the writings had accumulated mold.

Picture frames were set, almost carelessly, on one of the wooden tables: two small ones, probably for one-by-one pictures and a medium-sized one holding a graduation photo. Taeyeon and Tiffany didn’t recognize whose it was. The other table only had paperweights: one was shaped like a bloat fish and the others were small corals and shells. Only the bloat fish looked like it was bought at a souvenir shop.

“Good evening,” Tiffany greeted.

A plump, balding man emerged from under his wooden desk – the one with the bloat fish. He appeared to be picking something up from the floor.

“Didn’t notice ya there,” he replied. His dentures were loose. The girls frowned in slight disgust. “Hello sir,” Taeyeon said. “We were just wondering if you could fix our door. The hinges are kinda loose and blocking it with a chair isn’t working anymore.” Mister Dentures moved his chair, squeezed past the two bumping desks and faced the girls with sunken eyes. The bags under his eyes explained more about his age. “When ya kids got here, was it like tha’ or what?” Taeyeon and Tiffany exchanged glances. “N-no,” Taeyeon answered. “There was an accident and our friend ended up breaking it. The strong wind broke it even more though,” she continued with a tiny white lie. She was somehow right, if they all thought about it. Mister Dentures frowned. “It’s gonna take awhile an’ it’s almost time for dinner. Gonna be a bit o’ trouble, y’know?” The girls nodded. “Uh… we’ll pay if we have to. We just need to get it fixed because we’re staying here for a week. It’s hard to enjoy when all we’re thinking about is someone breaking in,” Taeyeon replied. Mister Dentures laughed. The saliva that accumulated on the sides of his mouth spattered on the floor. His loose dentures rattled as he cackled. Taeyeon and Tiffany took a step back. “Then don’t think o’ someone breakin’ in!” he blurted out, both hands on his large belly as he laughed again. Tiffany sighed. “Please hear us out, sir. We’ll do anything.” Taeyeon quickly turned to Tiffany with widened eyes. Promising anything to a stranger wasn’t a good idea. “Anything?” Mister Dentures rubbed his bald head, a smirk plastered on his face. Taeyeon pulled Tiffany close. “What the hell are you doing? Asking—” “Relax, missy. I ain’t that kinda guy.” Taeyeon and Tiffany blinked.

“I was just kiddin’. Let’s get to fixin’ that door o’ yours, yeah?”

Mister Dentures smiled. His dentures were still loose. He bent over and reached for a toolbox under his wooden table. His faded denim pants had slipped a few centimeters down after he straightened himself up. He cleared his throat as he adjusted his belt. The wrench that hung off of it swung halfway; a box of screws rattled.

“Let’s get goin’ then,” he said.

After locking the door of the maintenance office, Mister Dentures, Taeyeon and Tiffany headed for the ninth lodge. The two were lagging behind again, their hands where they usually were.

The beach seemed different under the star-studded blanket. Both of them had only seen it once, but they couldn’t recognize it this time. The sand was still there, of course, and the water, but the air was something entirely out of their dreams. It was refreshing, something new, something that reminded them that they were on a vacation by the calming sea, not fending for themselves on a deserted island.

“So how long have ya been ‘ere?” asked the plump man in front. “This is our second day, sir,” Tiffany answered. “Outta seven days, huh? A week, ain’t it?” “Yes.”

Mister Dentures’s bald head was more interesting as the girls viewed it from behind. There was still a thin layer of hair near the ears and just above the neck. They were too focused on it that they didn’t hear the next question.

“Ya girls listenin’ o’ what?” he said, tiny drops of saliva coming from the loose edges of his dentures.

Taeyeon pulled Tiffany back. They almost crashed into the building-sized man in front of them.

“Yes, sir. Sorry about that,” Taeyeon answered. “Were you saying something?” “’Course I was.” He coughed. “What lodge is it?” “Oh. The ninth.” “Roger that.”

They started walking again. The silence continued. Taeyeon had a few floating thoughts. She glanced at Tiffany once in every ten seconds that passed. Tiffany glanced back twice as fast. Their stares never managed to meet.

The flimsy door swayed back and forth when they arrived. It was as if it was waving hello.

“Bad piece o’ crap ya have ‘ere,” Mister Dentures said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Uh, right. Sir, is it okay if we leave you with our friends for awhile? We need to buy dinner,” Tiffany said. “Your friends are a bunch o’ girls, too?” “Ye-yes. On second thought, maybe—” “No worries, yeah? You think I’m a pervert o’ somethin’?” Tiffany shook her head; Taeyeon sighed. “We’ll tell them that you’re here then,” Tiffany proposed. She pulled her hand out of Taeyeon’s grip and disappeared into the lodge to tell the others about Mister Dentures. “Sorry about that,” Taeyeon told him, pulling her shirt’s sleeves up. It was getting a bit warm. Mister Dentures shrugged. He put his toolbox down by the door. “It’s fine. You look a bit gloomy, kid. Somethin’ the matter?” Taeyeon felt awkward thinking of Sunmi and talking to the plump bald man. She had to ask nonetheless. “I know it’s a bit too much to ask and all but there’s another thing that needs fixing. Is it okay with you?” “What is it? Another door? Kitchen sink?” “AC.” “A what now?” Taeyeon cleared her throat. “An air-conditioner,” she said.

Mister Dentures felt his bald head, letting his hand slip all the way behind it as if brushing long hair back. He tilted his head upwards and started writing invisible symbols in the air with his index finger. He seemed to be tallying something. He faced Taeyeon again.

“If I finish ‘ere early then I might do it. Did your friend bust it, too?” “No. It was like that when they got here.” “That’s a different story then, yeah? May have to contact some backup. I ‘aven’t had any calls for air-conditionin’ problems lately. Maybe I should take a look at it first before this door ‘ere.” “Ah.” Taeyeon paused. She hesitated to reveal the next part. “It’s in another lodge, though.” Mister Dentures seemed confused. “Another lodge, ya say?” “Yeah it’s—”

“Let’s go TaeTae! Dinner awaits!”

Before Taeyeon could explain, Tiffany had already pulled her away. She looked over her shoulder and saw Seohyun and Yoona talking to Mister Dentures. She sighed and faced forward, keeping in time with Tiffany’s running pace.

“Faster, TaeTae! Heechul unnie might be closing now, you know?” “Ye-yeah.”

The two rushed to their new favorite stall. The rest of the week was clear: breakfast, lunch and dinner courtesy of their Heechul unnie.

“You guys, again?” Tiffany gave a wide smile. “Naengmyun please, Heechul unnie.” Hankyung was visible behind Heechul. He still had his blue apron on. He laughed. “Looks like you can forget about being an oppa, Chullie.” Heechul turned his head to the side, facing Hankyung. “I am your girlfriend after all, Hanny It’s only right that I’m an unnie.” “Girlfriends again,” Taeyeon mumbled to herself. “What was that, TaeTae?” Tiffany asked. She had leaned too close. “Nothing,” Taeyeon replied, almost stuttering. She pulled herself together and turned to Heechul. “Uh, nine orders of naengmyun please. And soda. How many should we buy though?” she finished with a question for Tiffany. Tiffany giggled. “As much as we can? We should stock up and not waste the fridge space. I bet Seobaby’s tumblers could use some company, too.” “So how many sodas?” Heechul asked. “Or are you guys going to take forever to decide again?” “No, no,” Tiffany replied, smiling despite Heechul’s cold stare. “Eighteen for now. We’ll buy some again tomorrow, I guess. Mind if I ask for something else?” “As long as it’s not for another apron, it’s fine.” “Well, since we’ve bought a lot of things here already and—What I’m trying to say is, as a customer relating with you, the owner—” Heechul frowned. “Spit it out.” Tiffany seemed shocked but she kept her smile. “Discount, please~” Heechul laughed. “Trying to be like your friend Soonkyu, are you? Hmm… no. We just work here so we can’t adjust prices. Besides, everyone will start asking for discounts if I give you one.” Tiffany sighed in defeat. “I understand, unnie.” “I think we should start calling him oppa now,” Taeyeon whispered.

“Really? But Heechul unnie has to be an unnie if he’s Hankyung oppa’s girlfriend, right? And he really is a pretty unnie.” “Are you just saying this to get me to give you a discount?” Heechul raised an eyebrow. Tiffany shook her head. “No! You’re a really, really pretty unnie.” Heechul returned to his smug self. “Well, we just can’t deny the truth, can we? Mm-hm.” Tiffany nodded. She paused and pursed her lips for a moment. “Too bad that you’re still really an oppa. I wish you could be with Hankyung oppa for real, though. You two look good together.” Heechul’s signature smirk resurfaced. “You don’t have to wish too much, kid. Tiffany was silent. It was a subtle reply from Heechul and she heard it loud and clear, but she told herself that she didn’t. She might have been wanting something like Taeyeon’s temporary amnesia. “Anyone can be together anyway,” Heechul continued, “Especially if they look good together, right?” he finished with a wink. Taeyeon bit her lip. She knew what Tiffany was going to say. “I don’t think it works like that. Things will be too complicated,” Tiffany said. Heechul shrugged. “It’s only complicated if you make it complicated. Nothing’s wrong with simple love. It lasts longer, I think. As long as you know you want it, why not go for it?”

Tiffany kept silent. Heechul met Taeyeon’s eyes and guessed what went wrong. He nodded and left the girls with a smile. He disappeared into the kitchen to gather from the cooler the order of eighteen sodas.

Taeyeon placed a hand on Tiffany’s shoulder. “You okay?” “I’m just thinking,” Tiffany replied. “Am I being too traditional or something? Is this a bad thing? I mean, this is how I was taught, you know? But if it bothers people this much then…” She sighed. “I just can’t stop talking sometimes, can I? I should just shut up.” As much as it hurt her, Taeyeon had to say it. She promised not to force Tiffany into anything and that included not taking advantage of the girl’s doubts. “That’s not it. You’re not being traditional. You’re just being you. You don’t have to hold back what you believe in from anyone. That’ll be like lying to yourself. And as for talking too much…” She rubbed her chin, smiling little by little. “That’s just so you. You’re a chatterbox, you know?” She laughed. Tiffany frowned. “Is that a compliment?” Taeyeon did a thumbs-up with her free hand. “The best one from the book.”

There was no response. Tiffany took the hand that was on her shoulder and fit it in hers. They waited for Heechul to come back from the kitchen.

There was no discount. They paid for the nine orders of naengmyun and the eighteen sodas in full with cold, hard cash. On their way back to the ninth lodge, they passed a large group of friends. They had surfboards, a boom box, and a whole cart of food. Their camp fire was set.

Taeyeon and Tiffany could hear the flames crackle as if begging for more wood or paper to consume. They failed to hold hands as they carried the plastic bags that held their dinner. The farther they got, the flames burned brighter in the background.

“Took ya awhile, little missy,” Mister Dentures greeted, his toolbox already in hand. “Sorry.” Taeyeon bowed. The plastic bags grew lower with her. “Wow. The door looks awesome!” Tiffany’s eyes glowed with admiration. She approached the repaired door and smiled. Mister Dentures blushed bright red at the compliment. He turned to Taeyeon who had just straightened up again. “So where’re we off to next?” “Please excuse us for awhile,” Taeyeon replied. She opened the door. The creaking was replaced by a smooth swish. She tilted her head to signal Tiffany to enter. “I’ll be waitin’ right ‘ere then,” Mister Dentures said as he positioned himself on the lodge’s front steps. Taeyeon put the plastic bags down and as if alerted by instincts, the others swarmed around them. Taeyeon wasn’t the least bit surprised. “I gotta go for awhile,” she told the others. Tiffany immediately opened her mouth: “Where are you going?” “I’m going to treat the old man to dinner. It’s the least we could do,” Taeyeon lied. She had cleverly made the excuse up before she opened the newly repaired door.

The others had emptied the plastic bags, leaving only the nine extra sodas. The summer fling planners exchanged glances and grinned. Yuri and Jessica had just been informed about the plan minutes ago.

“Come back as soon as you can,” Jessica told Taeyeon. “Sure.”

Taeyeon left before Tiffany could turn to her. She felt like she was cheating, though there was actually no commitment to speak of. That thought hurt even more. She closed the door behind her.

“Ready to go?” Mister Dentures said. “Yes, sir,” Taeyeon answered.

Freed of the weight of the plastic bags, Taeyeon’s arms swayed back and forth as she walked. Her palms were red from the marks that the plastic bag handles left. They cut across her palm like a big wound. She stared at the empty spaces in between her fingers. Mister Dentures followed closely behind. “Where’re we goin’ now?” “The sixth lodge, sir. It’s not that far away.” “I know. I’ve been workin’ ‘ere since I can remember, y’know?”

Taeyeon turned to the balding man and nodded with a smile. His cheeks still appeared reddish, like he was still blushing because of Tiffany’s praise. She returned to staring at her empty hands and longed for them to be warmed by another pair. She longed to hold hands. That was all she and Tiffany could do, after all.

“Friends of yours stay at the sixth?” Mister Dentures asked. The silence that enveloped them made way for the sounds of the rattling of the tools that hung on his belt and those inside his big toolbox. The distant waves were but mere echoes.

“We met them yesterday. There was a misunderstanding. You could probably guess what happened to our door,” Taeyeon replied. Repeating the story about their encounter with ‘Team Sunye’ didn’t remind her of their door; it made her even nervous about what she was about to do. Sunmi’s a good kid. I hope she says no, she thought.

“A bunch o’ girls, too?” Taeyeon stopped to think. “I was only askin’. No need to be afraid of me, little missy,” Mister Dentures said with a laugh. “I swear I ain’t a pervert. I have a kid and wife I love at home so no worries, yeah?” Taeyeon gave a small bow. “I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean it that way.” Mister Dentures rubbed his bald head with his free hand. “Well, I can’t say I blame ya. When an old man looks like me, I guess there’s bound to be a few thoughts.” He sighed. “I should grow some hair again, yeah” Taeyeon laughed. “I think that would be a good idea, sir.” They arrived at the sixth lodge. Taeyeon took a deep breath and knocked. “Let’s hope they ain’t out for dinner, yeah?” Taeyeon’s eyes widened. “Darn it. I didn’t think about that.” Mister Dentures let out another laugh. The tools on his belt rattled again. “If they are, swing by the office again tomorrow so we can help ‘em.” “But that would be too much trouble for you and—”

“T-Taeyeon unnie? What are you—Uh, I mean, good evening. Hello.”

Relief was far beyond Taeyeon’s recognition. Aside from the door’s squeak, the resounding voice from behind it shattered her hopes of escaping the clutches of having to lie. One try, Taeyeon. That’s all, she kept thinking to herself.

“Hi, Sunmi.” “Did something happen? Are you hurt or something? You need help? What happened?” Sunmi sounded frantic. She held the door open with knitted brows. “No, no.” Taeyeon waved a hand. “I was just wondering if your AC still isn’t working. I heard from Sunye that it was broken. If it’s working then I’ll just have to go now, right? Uh... I mean, that’s all I wanted to check on and we got our door fixed as well, but I remembered your AC and well, I was just wondering if—”

The stuttering was hard to watch. Even Mister Dentures felt sorry for the flustered Taeyeon. “It’s still not working, unnie,” Sunmi replied, sounding calmer. She was back to her jolly self and she appeared more relaxed. “Thank goodness that that was what this was about. I thought you were in trouble or something! Like, maybe you had another fish to save or you got kicked out of your lodge or you’re hiding from the police! Or being chased down by that big old man standing behind you!” Sunmi paused. “Omo! There’s a big old man standing behind you!” Mister Dentures laughed. Taeyeon was still too worried to let out a breath. She cleared her throat. “He’s from the maintenance office, Sunmi,” she explained. “I brought him here just in case your AC still needs some repairs.” Sunmi nodded with a round mouth. She appeared to be astounded. “That’s so kind of you, unnie. You’re so cool! Jjang! Ah.” She paused, diverted her gaze to the floor and then rubbed the back of her neck. “Please forget I said that.” She cleared her throat again. “Uh, please come in. I’ll call Sunye unnie.”

Taeyeon and Mister Dentures entered the sixth lodge. Sunmi closed the door and offered them a seat. The two nodded and made themselves comfortable on the living room couch. Sunmi disappeared into one of the two other rooms.

“I ‘aven’t laughed this much since ’63,” Mister Dentures said. His toolbox was already on the floor. “Laughter’s good for the body, they say,” Taeyeon replied. She wiped the tiny beads of sweat on the back of her neck. “Gets me wonderin’ though,” Mister Dentures muttered. “Ya seemed kinda nervous back there.” Taeyeon was about to reply with a made-up excuse.

“Meh. It’s probably ‘cause you’re a shy one, hm?” “Ah. Yes. That’s it, sir.”

Sunmi arrived with Sunye a few moments later. Sunye thanked Taeyeon for taking the trouble to help them again and offered another round of lunch. Taeyeon made sure that both teams would settle for a simple ‘thanks’ instead. She felt that the free meal they received from ‘Team Sunye’ should be the first and last one. She and Sunmi were left in the living room after Sunye directed Mister Dentures to the broken air-conditioner.

“I’d love to go with you tomorrow, unnie!” “Re-Really?” “Of course. You’re so cool! Oh.” She paused, cheeks colored red. “Please forget I said that.”

CHAPTER 16 On top of the money for another meal to be bought from Heechul unnie, the balding Mister Dentures was also given a soda out of the eighteen that Taeyeon and Tiffany bought. It was a reasonable trade after all his hard work.

Tiffany clasped her hands together and bowed her head, muttering something Taeyeon couldn’t hear. It was a short prayer, Taeyeon guessed.

With a smile, Tiffany finished her ritual before meals and proceeded to her dinner. “I was about to say that your food got cold but then I remembered that naengmyun’s supposed to be cold,” she said. Then she laughed. She held a web of noodle strands with her chopsticks in front of her mouth. Taeyeon already had a head start on her meal. She chewed, eyeing how Tiffany ate across from where she was sitting. Tiffany’s pinkish, lip-gloss-clad lips were pressed together for a time, forming a thin curve, and then they would open to welcome another helping of noodles, close, and then open again.

“You’re wearing that apron again?” she asked the chewing Tiffany. Tiffany raised a hand, signaling Taeyeon to wait for her to swallow; Taeyeon nodded. “Hm, yeah. Is something wrong with it? It doesn’t look good on me?” Tiffany asked, staring down at the pink cloth that rested above her top. “It looks cute on you,” Taeyeon replied. “I was just asking why you’re wearing it again. That’s all.” “Well,” Tiffany puckered her lips and then smiled, “it’s pink, for one.” Taeyeon giggled. “And you got it for me so why shouldn’t I wear it?” Tiffany continued.

“Huh?” Taeyeon’s eyes widened. Tiffany laughed. “You’re so cute, TaeTae.”

The silence returned as Tiffany continued with her meal, leaving Taeyeon exploring her thoughts again. She was confused. In the meantime, she went back to watching Tiffany eat, mouth opening and closing again. She didn’t know if Tiffany had been talking somewhere in the middle of all the open-close movement of her lips. For some reason, she couldn’t hear anything except Sunmi’s sweet “I’d love to go with you tomorrow, unnie.” She imagined it coming out of Tiffany’s mouth instead.

“We should buy from Heechul un—I mean, oppa’s store again. I just know he’d give us a discount if we buy often enough!” Tiffany began the conversation. Taeyeon swallowed. “I don’t think so. You heard what he said, right? If he gives us a discount then a lot of people would be asking for discounts, too. That’d be bad for the business.” “He doesn’t have to announce to the world that he gave us discounts! It’ll be our little secret.” “But they don’t own the store.” Tiffany paused. She put her chopsticks down. “Oh yeah. I forgot about that.”

Taeyeon continued chewing. She was almost done eating. Tiffany reached for her soda and took a sip. Creases formed on her forehead as she swallowed. The two of them were the only ones left in the kitchen, seated at the steel dining table. Secretly, they were wondering if they would be spending their second night sleeping under it again.

“I really want to apologize to him somehow,” Tiffany said after emptying her can of soda. “To Heechul unnie? Why? He didn’t seem mad at you or anything.” “I know. I just have this feeling that I should. It wasn’t right for me to judge.” “Did you?”

There was no response. Tiffany took the last of her noodles and ate them. She chewed slowly, like it would save her from answering Taeyeon’s question. She couldn’t keep it up, obviously. She had to swallow.

“Did you judge him?” Taeyeon asked again, holding her half-empty soda can close to her mouth to prepare for a sip. “I didn’t mean to. I was kinda shocked.”

Taeyeon gulped a few more of the soda’s contents as if to drown her insides. More than Sunmi’s ‘yes’ to her offer, she feared Tiffany’s judgment. She knew she was just like their Heechul unnie. She

knew that she believed anyone could be together if they wanted to, or even because of a silly enough reason like looking good together. Sica said me and Ti-ppany look good together, went the desperate thought.

“I was mean, right?” Tiffany asked. “No. You weren’t,” Taeyeon replied. “Let’s go get some sleep.”

They cleared the table and disposed of the plastic bags and utensils. After careful consideration, they decided to sleep in the living room instead of under the dining table. The other rooms were already full and squeezing themselves inside would prove to be too inconvenient and, not to mention, too hot for comfortable slumber. They feared asking Jessica to let them sleep in her air-conditioned room all the more.

“Thanks for waiting up for me,” Taeyeon said as she placed toothpaste on the bristles of her toothbrush.

Tiffany nodded while she counted brush strokes. The two of them stood before the sink, brushing their teeth, second-guessing in their heads if they had brushed for at least three minutes. Tiffany was the first to spit into the sink. She turned the faucet on, caught water in her palm and gargled with it. Taeyeon followed shortly afterwards.

“Going to sleep already?” “Yeah,” Tiffany answered. Sunny had just popped out when she and Taeyeon exited the bathroom. “Can I just borrow Taengoo for a second?” Sunny asked, already grabbing a hold of Taeyeon’s arm. “Sure. I’ll be waiting in the living room,” Tiffany replied. Sunny kept her smile until Tiffany disappeared from view. “So how did it go?” she asked Taeyeon. “She said yes,” Taeyeon replied. “Wow. That was easy.” “I guess so.” Sunny was beaming with joy. “I told you that that girl has fallen for ya!” She slapped Taeyeon’s arm. “You’re so sure, huh? I bet she’s just bored so she said yes.” “Nah! The kid thinks you’re a total angel, for goodness’ sake.” “Where’d you hear that anyway?”

Sunny shrugged. “Something Sunye told Yuri this afternoon. See? Even her friends know about what she thinks of you. It’s so cute. Now, you don’t have anything to worry about, right? The feeling’s mutual.” Taeyeon leaned on the bathroom door with crossed arms. “It’s not mutual. I don’t even like her in that way. We should call this off. I don’t even know what to do tomorrow.” “Ah. You’re panicking! That means you care about what she thinks! Aha!” “What the—I’m panicking because I’d be wasting her time if I don’t figure out how I’m going to act tomorrow. And would you please keep it down? I have a feeling that once someone hears this, you’re all going to fix another ‘meeting’ for this summer fling thing again. One meeting is enough. After this plan fails, you’re all going to have to get off my back, all right?” Sunny sighed. “Yeah, yeah. If this fails, we’ll leave you to your misery. Face it, Taengoo. As much as we love you and Tiffany, we’re ready to tear you apart from her if it’s the only way to save your poor little heart. You’re totally into her now and I know you’re being mature about it, saying stuff like you’ll back off when she tells you to, but can you really do that?” “When the time comes then it comes. Let’s call it a night. I still have to pick Sunmi up early tomorrow morning.” Taeyeon was about to head for the living room when Sunny pulled her in for one last question. “So what did you tell her you’re going to do tomorrow?” “Something about fish.” “Cool. You’re going to go fishing? I didn’t know that you knew how to—” “It’s not that kind of fishing,” Taeyeon replied. She pulled her arm from Sunny’s grip. “Good night. Wish me luck.” “You can bet on it.” Sunny did a thumbs-up. “Good night. Remember to keep your hands to yourself.” Taeyeon kept a giggle to herself. She walked to the living room and found Tiffany already lying down on the couch. “What did Sunny say?” “Nothing. Just some bad joke she’s been getting everyone to hear,” Taeyeon replied. She sat on the floor next to the couch. “Really? She didn’t tell me anything. What’s the joke about?” “It’s a really bad one. We should just get some sleep.”

Taeyeon bent backwards to lie on the floor after seeing that there wasn’t enough room for her and Tiffany on the couch. She heard the couch’s springs squeak a second afterwards. She turned to her side and saw Tiffany sitting up.

“You’ve been so secretive. What’s up?” Tiffany asked.

“Really, it’s nothing,” Taeyeon replied, shielding her eyes. The fluorescent light bulb that hovered above them was staring her right in the eye as if torturing her to tell Tiffany the truth. “Hey. You’re covering your forehead again. Does it still hurt?” “Huh? Oh.” Taeyeon had forgotten about her wound. She felt around it to see if it still caused the same piercing pain. It didn’t. “I think it’s okay now. But maybe you should kiss it better one more time?” she teased. Tiffany kicked Taeyeon’s side. “You are so pushing your luck, you silly kid. Stop acting weird like that! Asking for kisses and stuff. It’s just... Yah! Stop being silly!”

Those words could have hurt if Taeyeon wasn’t so used to hearing them. She distinctly remembered hearing them every time their friends would fool around, teasing her and Tiffany about being too close. That was a long, long time ago. And yet here she was with the same girl and the same words. Taeyeon did as she was told and stopped asking for another forehead kiss. They shared another moment of silence.

“Did you think it was weird, too? The Cinderella thing,” Taeyeon said. “A little bit, but we were kids so what the heck did we know, right? And besides, it’s still funny especially when you say it. You’re such a silly kid. I can’t believe I forgot all about that. Those were the days, huh? Not stressing out about getting into a good university and crap like that. All we thought about was tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that day. It was fun.”

Taeyeon showed a slight smile. For her, those days were more than just ‘the days.’ For her, those days marked a struggle that was fueled and relieved by the girl who was looking down at her from the couch. Unconsciously, she rubbed her wrists. “What’s the matter now?” Tiffany asked. “Your wrists hurt?” “No. I just remembered the handcuffs. Ah. Sorry. I must be being weird again.”

There was no response from Tiffany. She stood up and turned off the lights, walked carefully back to the couch and lied down. She couldn’t see that well, but she guessed that Taeyeon was still rubbing her wrists.

“That day with the handcuffs is memorable, TaeTae,” she said as she lied comfortably on her back. “Because it was weird?” Taeyeon replied. There was a trace of anger in her tone, asking why such a simple, sweet moment could be weird in Tiffany’s eyes, asking why they just couldn’t be together.

“No. It’s not that,” Tiffany answered. “It’s memorable because it was fun. I can still feel how tight the others tied those blindfolds on us. I couldn’t breathe. Other than that, the Valentine’s Day event was fun. Talking to you was fun.” “Handcuffs. I feel tied down,” Taeyeon muttered. “What was that, TaeTae?”

There was no response. Tiffany waited a few more minutes. No words emerged from the girl who lied on the floor just a few inches away from her.

“You must be asleep already. Silly. Good night, TaeTae.”

Tiffany sighed. She was facing the ceiling, but couldn’t make out just what it was. For a second, she imagined that she was looking up at the open sky, that there were no stars because of some cosmological interference. Maybe an eclipse. She closed her eyes and whispered to herself: “I feel blind. I can’t breathe.”

The night proceeded as usual. There was no eclipse and the stars were indeed out and about together with the silver moon. The ‘day after that’ Tiffany was talking about would soon make its entrance just like it always does, but contrary to what she said, it wouldn’t be bringing fun along. Those days could have already disappeared for good. Carried away by the waves. Maybe.

“Morning, TaeTae—Huh?”

She woke up alone. The ceiling was visible now and the rest of the living room was illuminated by orange sunlight. Again, it didn’t cater to her taste. Orange appeared to be such a dull color and to be greeted by dullness on a new day was a depressing thing for the poor girl. She sighed and lied back down.

“But still, thank you for another day,” she whispered.

No one answered back but she smiled, feeling better after uttering the words she had kept in her heart since young. A few lingering thoughts visited her, flashbacks of the night before, their first day at the beach, their final exams, and further back past the Valentine’s Day event. She asked herself where she’s been, where she was headed.

“I feel so blind,” she repeated. So blind that I didn’t even see a dream last night, she continued in her thoughts. She raised her arm and stared at her hand, the empty spaces between her fingers. She

waved it in front of her face, testing if her eyesight wasn’t failing her. She saw it clearly, the flesh covering that protected the rest of her body, but the empty spaces were what she struggled to take in. There was something missing.

She sat up, turned to her side and saw the spot Taeyeon occupied the entire night. It was empty. She sighed, ruffled her hair and stood up. “Wake up, Tiffany,” she muttered to herself.

“Morning. You hungry?”

Tiffany turned around and found Hyoyeon with a small cup in her hands. She smiled and waved. “Good morning. No. I’m not that hungry. Uh, where’s TaeTae?” she asked. “I don’t know,” Hyoyeon lied. “She didn’t tell you anything?” she continued, motionless with the cup settled on her palms. Tiffany shook her head. “Maybe she went swimming.” She giggled. “Wait. What are you eating? Did you buy breakfast outside?” Hyoyeon looked down at what she was holding. “Ah. These are instant noodles. Seohyun packed some. She’s such a girl scout that it amazes me sometimes. I’m too lazy to go out for breakfast anyway. Do you want some? I can ask her for more.” “Maybe later. You really don’t know where TaeTae is?” Tiffany asked once more. Hyoyeon replied with the same “no.” “Okay.”

Tiffany walked toward the bathroom, slapping her cheeks a few times on the way. She wanted to wake herself up. She wanted to somehow have the vibrations from each slap scare away the thoughts she had been having from the time she kissed Taeyeon’s forehead up to the time she said asking for kisses was weird. She sighed at the contradiction.

“What are you doing, Tiffany Hwang?” she asked the reflection on the mirror. “What’s happening to you?”

The reflection was leaning forward with both hands on the edge of the sink. Its pale face was barely colored by the sunlight that seeped through the small bathroom window next to the exhaust fan. Its hair stood on some places, obviously ruffled a few moments before. Its eyes showed a dark hue, but gleamed as it took in the leftover sunlight. It didn’t answer Tiffany’s question.

“I like it that TaeTae’s weird.” She blinked. “Dammit. I’m sorry for being like this, Taeyeon-ah.”

She washed her face, slapped herself again with the cold water and gargled. After she spit into the sink, she pulled the toilet seat cover down and sat on it with her legs crossed. The leftover water on the deep spaces of her face trickled down her neck and onto her shirt. She was deep in thought again, still arguing with herself about being ‘weird’ and ‘contradictory.’

This isn’t supposed to feel okay, she thought. But why does she make me feel that it is? Is it because I’m letting her? Is it my fault?

The questions went on in circles and the answer was right in the middle of them, right in front of her. Even without the exact words, she knew Taeyeon cared. She felt it every time Taeyeon would take her hand for no reason, every time Taeyeon would take big steps so they could walk side by side, every time Taeyeon would just shrug off their arguments. The ‘every time Taeyeon would’ list could go on and on. She told herself over and over that it was weird, even made herself say that it was weird, but she didn’t feel that it was. To her, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to be cared for by a certain Kim Taeyeon and to exert effort to show that she wanted to care, too. That was the biggest contradiction of all.

“I need to take this blindfold off,” she muttered.

She exited the bathroom and saw a glimpse of Seohyun handing Sooyoung a cup of instant noodles inside the room across from Jessica’s. She considered asking them where Taeyeon was, but gave it up after realizing that she had to find answers for herself first.

Thanks to the balding repair man, the door opened as silent as the wind. No one knew she stepped out. Still in the clothes she slept in - a slightly fitted pink shirt and short shorts - she walked over to the front steps of the lodge. She took a few more steps and found that she couldn’t stop. Before she knew it, she was near the shore, getting her feet dirty and wet. A familiar face stopped to greet her.

“Good morning, Tiffany.” “Ah. Siwon oppa.”

The lifeguard wasn’t naked from the waist up this time. The cold morning breeze probably forced him to keep his shirt on. He smiled.

“Out for a morning stroll?” he asked.

“I guess you could say that. I’ve been thinking since I woke up and I think I’m spacing out,” Tiffany replied, holding her hair in place so as not to cover her face while she talked. Siwon nodded. “About graduating?” “No. Not really. It’s about something I don’t understand fully. It’s like I know something is wrong, but at the same time it isn’t. I don’t know what—Oh wait. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have blabbed like that. You might be busy or something. I’m sorry.” “I’m not really that busy. It’s too early. Go on. Tell me what’s on your mind.” Tiffany bit down on her lip, scared of what Siwon would think of her. “Could it be right if I feel that it’s right?”

CHAPTER 17 Her hands were empty again. She balled them into fists just to feel warmth. The girl in front of her smiled brightly back at her as they took random paths around the sand-filled escape.

“Are you still sleepy, unnie? You’re walking so slowly.” “Ah. No. I’m fully awake. I’m just taking time to check every spot. There might be a fish rescue waiting to happen, you know?”

This was the ‘fishing’ Taeyeon got herself into. To stop her stuttering she said the first thing that came into her mind: “Let’s save dying fish.” It sounded ridiculous but recalling the dead creature that lied motionless on her palms sent an image of Sunmi to her head. It wasn’t meant to be an awful correlation. It just happened to stick.

“Do you want to rest for awhile, unnie? We’ve been walking and walking for hours,” Sunmi offered, already starting to squat. “Sure,” Taeyeon replied. She walked over to the spot where the younger was and they both sat down on the dry sand.

Silence.

Taeyeon woke up earlier than she expected, failing to continue her sleep in peace because of too much thinking. Like Tiffany, she wondered where she’s been, where she was headed. It was one thing to think about universities, but those kinds of things had answers. More than one, if she remembered correctly. It was less important compared to the never-ending debate with herself. “Let her go before you let yourself go,” she remembered Sunny say.

“Unnie?” “Yes?”

Sunmi stared at Taeyeon with unflinching eyes. She failed to answer their lodge’s door when Taeyeon came to pick her up and had to settle for having her Sunye unnie do it for her. She apologized again and again for making Taeyeon wait in the living room while she got ready. It was embarrassing, just like the day she woke up to the stranger’s face – to an angel’s face.

“What is it, Sunmi?” Taeyeon asked after a few seconds of idleness. She stared at the lapping waves as she talked, avoiding looking into Sunmi’s eyes. Again, she feared that she would be unfaithful. From the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of Sunmi’s purple shirt. She’s wearing purple again.

“Why did you invite me out here?” Sunmi replied. She hung her head low and licked her lips. “It isn’t really to save fish, right?”

Taeyeon almost laughed. It wasn’t like she thought that she would get away with her ridiculous alibi. In fact, she was waiting for Sunmi to expose her so she could get the whole thing over with. “Once this plan fails, I’m going to have to tell her. I just have to. I’m getting tired of having these invisible handcuffs,” was what she told herself earlier that morning while she waited outside the sixth lodge, rubbing her wrists.

“You’re right,” she replied. She was still minding the waves instead of the younger girl beside her. “So what do you really want to do with me, unnie?” There really was no answer. Taeyeon didn’t want to do anything except, maybe, apologize. She had her ‘one try’ with Sunmi. And she failed miserably. “Let’s get some breakfast,” she said instead. She stood up, brushed the sand off of her shorts and held her hand out for Sunmi to take. Sunmi stopped to think. She was pouting again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. My friends told me—I mean... a lot of things have been going on. I’m sorry if I wasted your time. Please let me make it up to you. You should be sleeping right now instead of being with me,” Taeyeon added, already preparing her apology. “No. It’s not that. unnie. I’m okay with waking up early,” Sunmi replied. She took Taeyeon’s hand and she was pulled up. She brushed the sand off of her clothes and smiled. “So are we cool?” Taeyeon asked. She was slowly letting go of Sunmi’s hand. The latter gripped it tighter. “Cool? Ah. Of course. Cool,” Sunmi answered. She let out a nervous laugh afterwards. Taeyeon sighed in relief. “Okay.”

“But, unnie…” “Yes?”

Sunmi clasped her hand tighter against Taeyeon’s. She had to say it or else she knew she would regret it. “Unnie, if it’s not too much to ask, can you please tell me,” she went for her occasional pause like her sentences depended on it, “what’s really going on? Why you invited me, I mean.”

There was no escaping Sunmi’s round, gleaming eyes and no matter what Taeyeon did, the image of the dying fish flashed before her eyes like a broken slideshow. She had stained her hands again with another unexpected crime, but this time she didn’t want any fish corpses. She didn’t want to waste a life. While it’s still early, I’ll throw her back into the water. I won’t hurt this kid.

“I’m just being friendly. That’s all. Please don’t take this the wrong way.” “Really?” Taeyeon hesitated. “Really.” How many lies have I told in the past few minutes? She asked herself. And why? “So how about breakfast, unnie? I bet you’re hungry already,” Sunmi said with a smile. It made Taeyeon feel even guiltier. “Yeah. I’m a bit hungry already. Let’s go.”

Hand-in-hand, the two walked to the spot where Taeyeon was most familiar with. Aside from having walked countless times down the pathway that led to the small stall, growing attached to the image of it and its simple chalkboard menu, and finding the food to be delicious, she somehow felt warmer when faced with their Heechul unnie’s silent eyes and strangely reassuring smirk. She felt some kind of connection, some kind of understanding between the two of them. Naturally, she doubted that Heechul felt the same way.

“Good morning,” she greeted the apron-less one behind the counter. “Wow.” Heechul’s eyebrows shot up in glee. “Are you planning on coming here every day or something?” Taeyeon replied with a smile. “Fany-ah said if we come often enough you might give in and give us a discount,” she revealed. “Fany who?” “The one I was with last night. Remember?” “Ah.” Heechul nodded. “Tell her to dream on.” Taeyeon giggled. “Yeah. I’ll tell her. Oh. This is Sunmi, by the way.” She introduced the two briefly.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Sunmi said. She tilted her head from side to side, examining Heechul’s hair and his profile. She smiled afterwards. “You, too,” Heechul replied. He turned to Taeyeon again. “You introduce others when you haven’t even introduced yourself? You okay up here, kid?” he said, knocking on the side of his head. “Oh. Sorry. You can call me Taeyeon.” Taeyeon introduced herself with a bow. “That’s better. So what will it be this time? Want some rice cakes or something? Hankyung’s already making some, I think.” “What do you say? Want some rice cakes?” Taeyeon asked Sunmi. “Rice cakes!~” “I’ll take that as a yes.” Heechul nodded. “Okay. Wait a sec.”

He disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Taeyeon and Sunmi to share one more serving of awkward silence. Taeyeon realized that she had gotten up early again. The dark orange surroundings were the same as the day before. The stall appeared to be part of the background and the few people taking a stroll looked like cut-outs. She didn’t know if she was just sleepy, but she felt like she was away from her body, like something was missing. As a reflex, she gripped the hand she was holding. She felt Sunmi jolt.

“Sorry, Sunmi,” she muttered. Then she let go of her dongsaeng’s hand. “Are you okay, unnie? You seem sad all of a sudden. Did I do something wrong?” Sunmi asked. Taeyeon shook her head. “I’m fine. You didn’t do anything wrong.” “Your palms are sweaty.” Sunmi took Taeyeon’s hand again and wiped it with hers. It was almost the same exact thing she did with the fish smell the day before. “Sunmi, you don’t have to do—” “Morning. The rice cakes will be out in awhile. Sorry about the wait.” The two turned to face the counter. Taeyeon successfully got her hand back. “It’s okay. Uh, Hankyung oppa, where’s Heechul unnie?” she asked. Hankyung laughed. “You’re still calling him that, huh?” “Ah. Sorry. I’ll stop if it’s bothersome.” “No, no.” Hankyung waved a hand in protest. “He likes it a lot. Besides, it suits him anyway. Everyone thinks he’s a girl until he talks. I’d say that it’s a good thing. He leaves a lasting impression, doesn’t he?” Taeyeon nodded. “Oh. Before I forget, this is Sunmi.” She did another round of introductions. “Hello. It’s nice to meet you, Sunmi,” Hankyung bowed. “You, too, oppa,” Sunmi replied. Hankyung turned to Taeyeon. “You haven’t told me your name, though.”

“Ah.” Taeyeon gave a crooked smile. She realized that she kept on forgetting to introduce herself. “I’m Taeyeon. It’s very nice to meet you, oppa.” “You, too. Before I forget, Taeyeon—Taeyeon, right? Sorry. I have problems with pronouncing sometimes.” Taeyeon nodded. “Yes. You’re saying my name right, oppa.” “Good. Well, before I forget, Heechul told me what happened last night. With your friend, I mean. Is she okay?” Taeyeon wet her dry lips with the tip of her tongue before answering. “Yeah. She’s okay. She feels guilty about it, actually. She wants to say sorry. Is Heechul unnie upset about it?” “No. Well... I don’t know. I can’t understand him sometimes. He just said he gave some lecture about two people looking good together and stuff. I just don’t get him nowadays. He talks a lot, you see,” Hankyung replied, scratching the surface of the counter. “Anyway, I hope your friend isn’t offended. Heechul is just too outspoken. If he likes something then he’ll say it.” “But if that’s the case, why do you still misunderstand him when he sounds so open?” Hankyung shrugged. “People who close themselves off are more open than the most open person. At least, you know that that person wants to keep it closed and he’ll always be closed. Open people lay it all out there, but they’re too open that you won’t notice or care that they’re hiding something. That makes them more closed than the most secretive people. Do you get what I mean?” “A little bit.” “That’s okay then.” Hankyung rolled his shirt sleeve up. It was getting warmer. “As for your friend, tell her not to worry about Heechul. He’s not the type to care about these kinds of things. For him, if it sounds right, feels right, looks right, then it has to be right. And I made a decision long ago that I’ll stand by him because I think he’s right. I just had to tell you that. I hope your friend doesn’t think badly of Heechul in any way.” “She doesn’t. She just has her beliefs. I respect that and I think other people should, too.”

Sunmi stood by, barely catching on to what the two were talking about. She had other things on her mind, particularly what she and Taeyeon were really supposed to be doing at the beach so early in the morning.

Heechul arrived with the rice cakes. She handed them over and the two girls enjoyed their breakfast with another order of soda. The cold trail from their lips to the depths of their throats was most refreshing after the sun rose until it reached the middle of the sky. The dull orange-ness was gradually overtaken by bright yellow, the chilly seaside breeze swallowed by the humid sand-filled gusts. Taeyeon paid for their meal after getting into a small debate with Sunmi, which the latter lost in the end. She walked her dongsaeng back to the sixth lodge.

“I’m sorry again for the ‘fail’ date, Sunmi,” Taeyeon said when they reached the door. “Date?” “Ah. I mean, you know… friendly get-together or something. Date. That’s what they call it, right?” “Yeah, but isn’t it—No. Never mind, unnie. I had fun. Please say hi to everyone for me when you get back. I’m going to sleep in a bit more so I might not see you around later. Have a great day ahead, unnie.” “Thanks. Sweet dreams.”

Sunmi politely bowed and closed the door behind her. It gave its usual squeak.

Taeyeon walked back to the ninth lodge, yawning after a few steps. She buried her hands inside her pocket, closing the empty spaces in between her fingers. It served as a substitute for what was missing, for those slender fingers that always fit perfectly between hers. Ti-ppany, she thought. One person who thinks I’m weird is enough. I hope Sunmi doesn’t think I’m weird, too.

She arrived at the lodge and the door was unlocked. She found the living room empty when she stepped in. Anxiety was taking over her. Her ‘one try’ failed. Now, it was time to face the ‘only try.’ There would be no second chances, no redo’s or pleading. “Once she tells me to back off then I will,” she told herself, Jessica and Sunny. It was time to put her word to the test.

“Once I see her, I’ll tell her for sure,” she whispered to herself as she lied flat on her back on the couch. “Then, somehow, I’ll be free from these handcuffs.”

She rolled on her side, instantly taking in the scent Tiffany left on the couch. She closed her eyes and tried to slow her breathing down. She could hear everything: her heartbeat, the pulse at both wrists, the pulse at her neck, an unknown voice telling her to sleep until her Cinderella comes. “Good night, Tippany…”

A deserted classroom. Six rows, eight columns, two filled chairs. Half-open door, closed windows. White specks of chalk dust floating in dry air, forgotten books under desks. Chiming bells in the background, rushing footsteps beyond four walls. She nodded, smiled, and rested her elbows on the desk. The chat went on, topics changing like seasons, laughter resonating like bird calls.

“Days should go on like this.” “What was that, TaeTae?” “Nothing. What were you saying?” “Ah. It’s nothing big. I just remembered that I have nothing to do today. No homework right?”

She nodded. “So going home early is pointless and staying here is boring. Besides, it’s a Saturday tomorrow. No noisy classmates again. Just lonely hours at home. I really don’t want to go home yet. It depresses me, you know? I stay in my room and then I lie down, take a look at our school pictures, cry a little bit and turn the TV on. The shows nowadays are weird. I turn the TV off anyway. Then I turn my laptop on. I check my messages then I turn it off again. It’s driving me crazy! Is senior year supposed to be like this? Dramatic and stuff? Man... But really, I don’t want to go home yet. I don’t want to feel like I have to eat dinner, sleep, dream. Maybe. And then wake up. It all goes by so fast. What the hell, right?”

She smiled, nodded, and leaned back on her chair.

“Don’t you feel depressed, TaeTae?” “Of course I do.” “What do you do about it?”

She didn’t answer. She took the girl’s hand, stood up, and smiled. They vacated the two chairs, left the closed windows, the white specks of chalk dust floating in dry air, the forgotten books under desks. The chat stopped, topics frozen like first snow, laughter held inside closed mouths. Chiming bells settled, rushing footsteps replaced with two pairs of shoes tapping against concrete floors. They left through that half-open door.

“Taeng, wake up. Want some breakfast?”

Taeyeon stirred. Tiffany’s scent was no longer on the couch’s surface. She sat up, groping as if looking for it. Her eyes remained closed, trying to capture the image of the girl in her dream and that halfopen door they left through. She didn’t know why she dreamt of it but she vaguely remembered that day – the day she took Tiffany home for no apparent reason. They ate dinner, had a sleepover, dreamt. Maybe. And then they had to wake up to welcome the weekend. It all went by so fast.

“Are you awake now? Hey.” Good. She forgot about Sunmi, Taeyeon thought. She turned to the speaking figure. “Yeah, I’m awake, Hyo. Where’s Fany-ah?” “I don’t know. But if she doesn’t come back soon I’ll start worrying.” Hyoyeon paused and laughed. “That reminds me. She asked me where you were when she woke up, too! What the hell is with you guys? You share a brain or something?” “That would be convenient,” Taeyeon replied, rubbing her eyes. “I won’t have to confess if she knows what I was going to say.”

Hyoyeon stared at the newly waken Taeyeon with knitted brows. “Woah. Hold up. You’re going to tell her?! Are you stupid?!” Taeyeon nodded. “That’s right. I’m stupid.”

Still with knitted brows, Hyoyeon sat down beside her friend. She didn’t know if Taeyeon was saying nonsense because of drowsiness or if she was truly, absolutely being dead serious. For the wellbeing of her friends, she was secretly banking on the former.

“Think about this for awhile. Come on. Consider what’ll happen if she finds out. What’ll happen to you guys then, huh? Please, please don’t make her hurt you. No one wants that. Not even her. But if you push it then she’s gonna have to say ‘no,’ right? Pull yourself together and think this through, you hear me? Don’t hurt yourself.” Taeyeon didn’t answer. She took Hyoyeon’s hand, stood up, and smiled. “Help me find her. Please?”

They left through the ninth lodge’s unlocked door.

CHAPTER 18 “Right about what?” Siwon asked.

Tiffany hesitated. The words had already escaped her mouth. There was no reset button.

“Oppa, I don’t know,” she answered nonetheless. “I’m doing something wrong. And I know it! But why don’t I feel that it’s wrong? Like it’s something I can decide by myself but something won’t let me. It’s this stupid voice inside my head.” “You mean your conscience?” Siwon asked. He wasn’t so sure where the conversation was heading. “Yeah. That’s it. But every time I try to follow it, I end up making excuses for myself. I end up reasoning with it. If it’s my conscience then it has to be right, right? And I’m the one who’s just trying to justify what’s wrong? I don’t understand. It’s so frustrating!”

Siwon placed a hand on Tiffany’s shoulder and gave her a reassuring smile. “Consciences are strange sometimes. Well, that’s what they taught me anyway. A conscience can be misinformed, and it’s possible for it to make mistakes. Mainly because your environment shapes it. You shape it, too. It’s confusing that way, isn’t it? It’s supposed to be that angel on your shoulder that fights with the devil on your other shoulder, but at the same time you’re the one who makes the angel. You’re the one who gives

it a white robe, a halo and wings. Then isn’t that like saying that you, yourself, tell what’s right from wrong? If that’s the case then why do we still need consciences?” He paused. Tiffany’s expression showed the same confusion he was feeling. He continued: “I don’t understand a lot about it. But yeah, your conscience is supposed to be right.”

Tiffany sighed. “And I have to follow it no matter what, right? That’s the right thing to do, right, oppa?” “What is this really about, Tiffany? If it’s okay to ask, of course. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

She couldn’t. If she was going to tell anyone about her doubts, her struggles, and inhibitions then it had to be the one person who caused it all. It had to be Kim Taeyeon.

After a few more seconds of silence, Siwon removed his hand from Tiffany’s shoulder and smiled. “I understand,” he said. “It’s personal.” “Yes. Too personal that I’m even hiding it from myself.” “You can’t keep it from everyone. There’s bound to be someone who’s listening.” “That’s what scares me,” Tiffany confessed. Her cheeks lost more of their color and she appeared more transparent, as if she was sinking into nothingness and she wasn’t fighting back. Desperation was the right word. She felt too much of it to last her a lifetime. “But, oppa…” “Yes?” “You said a conscience could be wrong. Is it possible that I’m better than my conscience? That I’m the one who’s right and it’s the one with all the mistakes?” “That depends.” “On what? Please tell me, oppa.”

Siwon took a deep breath. He wrinkled his nose and appeared to be squinting, probably expecting an answer to pop out in front of him. “It depends on what you’re doing. What is it that seems so wrong?” “It’s like,” Tiffany clasped her hands together, “you know it’s wrong to steal so you don’t do it. You hold yourself back for a minute then one second later you find yourself already inside a convenience store, planning on which candy bar to stuff inside your jacket and how fast you’re going to run, where you’re going to hide and what excuses to make when they catch you. Am I making sense, oppa? I’m sorry. That’s just how I feel. It’s like I haven’t stolen anything yet but the plans are all stored in my head.”

Siwon folded his arms across his chest and cleared his throat. He waited a few more minutes before replying to allow a family of four to pass them by. They seemed to be looking for a place to set

their beach blanket. The youngest daughter stopped to look up at the towering lifeguard. She pointed to the whistle around his neck.

“Shiny!” she said. Siwon squatted next to the child and blew into his whistle. The little girl replied with a giggle. “Shiny!” she said again.

Siwon smiled. The child’s mother rushed back to claim her, apologized to Siwon and Tiffany for the trouble, and returned to her family. Tiffany’s eyes grew darker with worry.

“I wish I could do that to my conscience,” Tiffany muttered. “Do what?” Siwon asked. They were alone beside the waves again. “Just say ‘shiny’ when it blows its whistle at me for doing something wrong. But who am I kidding? It’s not that simple.” “It never is. But what’s there is there. Stealing is wrong no matter how you look at it. You can argue that you did it for a good cause but the bottom line is that we were left with standards and no matter how much mankind tries to deny it those standards are what define us. When you steal, you’re bad. When you don’t, you’re good. That’s only the label. Beyond that, it’s also a truth.” He stopped and scratched the back of his head. “Now, I think I’m the one who sounds like I’m not making sense,” he finished with a laugh. “I understand, oppa,” Tiffany replied. “Standards are truths. I’ll be lying to myself if I try to deny them.” “If you can’t convince yourself, just let it all out. He’s listening anyway.” “Yeah. Maybe I should.” “Don’t worry. He’ll understand.”

Siwon walked Tiffany back to the ninth lodge. He told her to cheer up and eat breakfast. They parted after exchanging smiles.

“Is TaeTae here already?” she asked. Sooyoung was lying comfortably on the couch with Hyoyeon’s iPod on her lap. She took one earphone out. “What?” “I said, is TaeTae back already?” “Nope. Haven’t seen her. Why? Worried about your precious TaeTae?” Sooyoung teased with a grin. “I always am,” Tiffany replied.

Sooyoung’s mouth hung open. For a moment, she felt a hint of guilt. She knew that pulling Taeyeon away from this girl was the right thing to do, but Tiffany’s smile said otherwise and her words: “I always am,” were even more possessive. No way. I’m overreacting, right? It must be those instant noodles! She thought.

“What’s the matter? You’re usually more talkative,” Tiffany told Sooyoung. “It’s nothing. I’m just getting so into this song I’m listening to. Yeah. That’s it. Uh, so where did you go? Everyone’s been worried about you.” “I just took a walk. Sorry if I didn’t tell you guys.” “Don’t go off on your own next time, okay?” “You should tell TaeTae that, too.” Sooyoung didn’t answer. She put the earphone back inside her ear and lied down.

Tiffany faced forward and walked over to Jessica’s room. If she remembered correctly, she and Taeyeon left their bags inside. The door was locked.

“Jessi?” she said while knocking. There was no response. She sighed. The door was solid, firm, and it seemed unbreakable. Like standards, she thought. Then she corrected herself. “No. Doors break down. Jessica proved that already.” She was about to knock again when the doorknob turned with a click. She took a step back as the door opened. “Tiffany? Hi,” Yuri greeted. “Uh, hi. Were you sleeping or something? Sorry to disturb you. I just wanted to get something from my bag. Is it okay?” “Sure,” Yuri answered with a smile.

She opened the door wider and let Tiffany in, revealing a sleeping Yoona and Jessica with a book in her hands. They were both settled on the bed and under the covers. Tiffany knelt beside her belongings and started rummaging through her bag.

“I heard you were missing,” Jessica said. Her eyes didn’t leave her book. “I went for a walk,” Tiffany answered. She neatly folded her clothes and stuffed them back into the bag. She held a small book in one hand and tucked her hair behind her ears with the other. She stood up and faced Jessica. “If you and Yoona are on the bed then that means Yuri sleeps on the floor?” she asked.

Yuri laughed. “Thanks for sounding concerned, Tiffany, but I’m okay with the floor. I actually feel safer.” “Safer?” “Yeah. When Yoong slept on the floor, I woke up and thought she was a ghost. Like she was crawling or something. She sleep-crawls!” Jessica put her book down and sat up. She giggled at the thought. “You should get her back and lie on the floor with all of your hair in front of your face.” “If I did that, you would kick me out. I’m sure of it!” Yuri replied. “Good point.” Tiffany headed for the door. “I’ll leave you guys to scaring Yoong then. See you later.” “Eat your breakfast, okay? Seohyun said she saved you a cup of instant noodles,” Jessica informed. “Seriously, just how much did that kid pack? Did she bring her whole house or something?” Yuri added. There was no response. She continued: “Anyway, don’t go off on your own again, Tiffany.” “You should tell TaeTae—Wait. Do you guys know where she is? I woke up and she was gone,” Tiffany replied. Yuri and Jessica exchanged glances. “No. We haven’t seen her either,” Yuri said. “Okay. Never mind then.” “Try calling her,” Jessica suggested, already imagining Taeyeon’s surprised face. “Can’t. We both left our phones at home.” “Why the heck did you do that?” “I don’t know.” Tiffany rubbed her chin with her free hand. “It was something about accidentally dropping them into the water or something. I dunno. It was her idea.” “So if you two get lost, there’s no way to contact you, huh? You guys are crazy.” Tiffany smiled. “Maybe. Anyway, see you guys later. I’m gonna get that cup of instant noodles now.” Yuri and Jessica waved and watched Tiffany exit the room. Jessica got back to her book and Yuri sat beside her. “So what were we you saying?” she asked. Jessica turned to the next page, folded its top edge and closed her book. “Something about Taeng and that girl. I wonder what happened. And why isn’t Taeng back yet? Maybe she’s enjoying herself too much, huh? What do you think?” “I just hope she’s okay. Knowing her, she’s probably molesting poor Sunmi,” Yuri replied with a chuckle. “Babo! Stop thinking like that!” Yuri flashed her toothy grin. “Yeah, yeah. Sorry.”

“Mnn…” The two shut their mouths and turned to the stirring Yoona. “Yoong?” Jessica ran her fingers through her dongsaeng’s hair. Yoona rolled on her side and snuggled up to Jessica’s arm. She mumbled gibberish. “Lucky kid,” Yuri commented. “No worries. No apologies.” “That’s not true,” Jessica whispered. “She covers it up too much but she’s already missing us even if we’re still here. It’ll be hard for her once you’re gone. She admires you the most, you know? You’re like her role model or something. As weird as that may sound.” Yuri sighed. “But she protects you the most. Weird.” Jessica brushed strands of Yoona’s hair off of her eyes and smiled. “’Cause she sees you do it.”

They paused, forgot about the time and just observed their dongsaeng sleep. Somehow they wished they were in her shoes, worrying about being left behind and one more year of high school instead of being the ones who are leaving and walking toward a bigger, scarier future. There was something other than universities, too.

“So how long are we going to keep this up?” Jessica asked. “Let’s not talk about it here. Yoong might hear,” Yuri replied. “She won’t. She’s asleep.”

Yuri stood up and leaned on the wall beside the bed. She jammed her hands inside her pajama pockets and clenched her fists. The back of her head was against the cold wall and her eyes were set on the girl brushing their dongsaeng’s hair with her fingers. Like staring at a wife, she thought. Maybe mine.

“Sica, you have me. Do you still need to tell the whole world?” “Not the whole world, Yuri-ah,” Jessica replied. She slowly turned to face Yuri and kept her arm still so Yoona wouldn’t feel her move. “Just our friends.” “But why? I know it’s okay with them. I mean, the whole relationship thing. But can’t we keep things as is? They’re not bothering us to tell them or anything anyway.” “It’s not about them being okay with it or not. And it’s not just about them bothering us about telling them anything. They probably don’t notice us doing anything in the first place. That’s how well we’ve been hiding this. Really, aren’t you guilty? These are our friends we’re talking about. We’re all about trust. What kind of friends are we if we can’t even tell them this one simple thing? Like you said, they’re okay with the relationship thing so why don’t you want to tell them? Is it because you’re denying it? That you’re with me?” “Don’t ever think of me thinking that,” Yuri replied, trying not to raise her voice. That’s not it.” “Then what is it?”

There was a sudden chill that hung above Yuri’s head, like some unknown force was preventing her from moving. The air-conditioner was on but it was something more than that – something stronger. “Have you ever considered what Taeng would feel if she found out?” she mumbled. Jessica was silent.

Yuri took a deep breath. She had been keeping the thoughts to herself. “Did you ever stop to think how much more regrets and what-ifs she’ll have to face if she found out about us? How much time she would spend staring blankly into space wishing that she could have what we have? How much she would have to tell herself over and over that she’s doing the right thing by holding herself back? Did you ever think about that, Sica? ‘Cause I have. You don’t need to tell me about trust. I know it’s what makes up a friendship. Especially for the nine of us. But sometimes, you just have to keep things to yourself. Sometimes, you have to protect the people you love with lies. Sometimes, you… you…”

Yuri couldn’t go on. Her voice cracked and she didn’t want Jessica to see her so broken down. She was the protector. She was the supposed to be the strong one. She turned around to face the wall she was leaning on earlier and pressed her forehead on it. Its coldness seemed to disappear as the tears streamed from her eyes, warming her from head to toe. She tried to be silent, to keep her mouth closed and stop. Releasing her worries proved to be easy, but she cried even more when she realized that it wouldn’t change anything. Taeyeon would still be Taeyeon; Tiffany would still be Tiffany.

“You should’ve told me,” Jessica mumbled. She had already left the bed and was then holding Yuri tightly from behind. “I didn’t know you felt this way.” Yuri shook her head. She tried to say something but failed. “I agreed to keep us a secret. But I don’t remember us saying that we can keep these kinds of things to ourselves. Are you making your own rules up or something? You enjoy leaving me out of things like this, huh, Kwon Yuri? What’s wrong with you, babo?” Jessica continued. Short on breath, Yuri managed to let out a chuckle. She knew Jessica wasn’t mad. “You idiot,” Jessica whispered.

CHAPTER 19 “Nice seeing you again, too,” Taeyeon told the familiar lifeguard.

Siwon waved goodbye and continued on his way to his post. Half-way on his return from the ninth lodge, he met Taeyeon and Hyoyeon looking like they were searching for something. He offered to help and did manage to be of some when he mentioned having walked Tiffany back to their lodge.

“I wonder what they were doing together,” Hyoyeon muttered to herself. It wasn’t silent enough to keep Taeyeon from noticing. “Me, too. Let’s go back.”

Taeyeon’s anxiety shone through and Hyoyeon had to take quicker steps to keep up with her. They arrived and found Sooyoung on the couch. Hyoyeon was the first to react.

“Yah! What are you doing with my iPod?!” “You told me I could borrow it!” Sooyoung defended. “The hell? I don’t remember saying that!” “Duh! You forget a lot of things!” “Are you saying I’m old?!” “I said you forget a lot of things! But then again, you’re going deaf! So you’re sure as hell getting old!” “Why you little—Gimme back my iPod!!”

Taeyeon sighed and left the two to squabble. Seohyun appeared from inside the room across from Jessica’s.

“Ah. You’re back, unnie,” she greeted with a smile. Taeyeon pressed a finger to her lips, signaling Seohyun to be quiet. She didn’t want to distract Sooyoung and Hyoyeon from fighting. She knew that they would remember to ask about Sunmi and she wasn’t in the mood for summer fling reporting. Seohyun nodded and tip-toed toward her unnie. “Have you had breakfast?” she whispered. “Yes. Where’s Fany?” she whispered back. “In the kitchen, I think. She’s eating.” “Okay. I’m going to talk to her for awhile.” She stopped and pointed to the squabbling duo. “Don’t remind them about Sunmi, okay?” “Okay. But did it go okay, unnie?” Taeyeon shook her head. “No. And it won’t ever go okay. You’re not going to ask me to do it again, are you?” “We did agree on one try, unnie. If it didn’t work out then I won’t force you to try again.” Taeyeon sighed. “If only they were as understanding as you. Anyway, I’m gonna go now.”

As subtle as their whispers, Taeyeon slipped into the kitchen. Tiffany was seated at the dining table with her back turned. She was holding a pair of chopsticks up with one hand and seemed to be staring down at something. Taeyeon slowly approached.

“Forgive me,” Tiffany said, unaware of Taeyeon’s presence. “Please lead me down the right path, give me the grace to separate the truth from that which will burn me and help me through this. I entrust everything to you. Also, thank you for the meal.”

Tiffany proceeded to breaking the pair of chopsticks apart. The small book she got from her bag was settled near her cup of instant noodles.

Taeyeon recognized it: the simple leather cover, the big, bold letters that screamed authority, and its solid spine. The small book never failed to belong to Tiffany’s everyday world and like Taeyeon’s hand, she held on to it tight. The question was which one she wanted to hold tighter.

“TaeTae, how long are you planning to stand behind me like that?” “Huh?” Tiffany turned and smiled. “Thought I wouldn’t notice, huh?” Taeyeon nodded. “Ah. Anyway, what’s up? I was out looking for you,” she revealed. “Really? But you were missing when I woke up. No one knows where you went, either. Where’d you go?” “I just took a walk,” Taeyeon lied. “Oh. Okay.” Tiffany returned to her noodles. “Is it okay if I sit down?” Taeyeon asked. Tiffany almost choked. “What the—You’re asking things like that now? What’s wrong with you?” “Sleepy,” Taeyeon lied again. She sat down across from Tiffany. It was the same position they were in the previous night, when they ate their naengmyun.

Taeyeon watched Tiffany slurp from the cup, chew and then swallow. She was supposed to be saying something, something about her hidden feelings and how the lifeguard knew Tiffany, but the words were stuck somewhere between the millions of neurons, synapses and axons inside her brain. “…separate the truth from that which will burn me,” you say. Does that include me? She thought instead, burying her confession in the unknown parts of her unconsciousness.

“It’s really healed now,” Tiffany said. “What is?” Taeyeon asked, preventing herself from spacing out. “Your forehead.” Taeyeon felt around where the wound was. “You’re right. Huh. I forgot all about it.” “That’s how things heal. You forget about it for awhile.” “Is that what that book says?” Taeyeon asked, not effectively hiding her upset tone.

Tiffany paused. She put her chopsticks down and placed a hand over the small book. “No. It doesn’t,” she replied. She stared at it for a few seconds and sighed. “But I wish it did. It’s supposed to hold the right answers.” “Doesn’t it?” Taeyeon raised an eyebrow. “It’s like a manual right? A Do-It-Yourself guide to get to heaven or something?” “Says who?” “I dunno. Says all the other people who read it.”

The atmosphere was heavy. It didn’t help that Tiffany was presently facing her ‘demons.’

“Whoever those other people are, I bet they’re not too happy to know what it takes to get to heaven.” “Why? All they have to do is avoid what’ll burn them, right? Like bad words. And bad movies. And cheating, lying, stealing and crap. And bad people. That book has it all! It practically lays it out for everyone!” Taeyeon had already raised her voice. Unaware of it, she continued: “Step by step, ritual after ritual and stuff like that. It’s all there! What’s so hard about that? That’s the stairway to heaven right there for goodness’ sake!”

Tiffany stood up, took the small book with one hand and the emptied cup of noodles with the other. She ignored Taeyeon’s outburst and dropped the empty cup into the trash bin near the sink. Without another word, she left Taeyeon sitting at the dining table, clutching the small book tightly as if to crumple it.

“Dammit!” Taeyeon kicked one of the steel table’s legs.

She didn’t mean to blurt those things out. She wasn’t thinking. For the first time, she couldn’t hold herself back. She couldn’t, for the sake of the girl she felt so strongly about, keep her emotions at bay. It was then that she realized that her ‘only try’ meant so much more. It wasn’t just about revealing her feelings and possibly being rejected. It was about facing a formidable foe that she couldn’t damage with something physical like bullets or something abstract like words. Without trying, she was already the loser.

“Go talk to her, you idiot.” Taeyeon raised her head. “I told you I was stupid, Hyo.” “Just talk to her. Stop being stupid.”

Taeyeon stood up and left the kitchen. The living room was packed, but silence squeezed itself in somehow. Everyone was present: Sooyoung was now deprived of Hyoyeon’s iPod. It moved to Sunny’s possession, who shared the earphones with the owner. Yoona appeared to have just woken up. Seohyun was holding an unopened cup of instant noodles. Yuri and Jessica stood nearest to where Taeyeon was.

“Come here, Taeng.” Jessica pulled her friend into an embrace and held her tight. They heard everything. “I’m sorry, unnie.” Seohyun said. She was teary-eyed again. “I was just going to get some hot water for Yoona unnie’s instant noodles, but you and Tiffany unnie were talking. I didn’t mean to listen, I swear.” Taeyeon didn’t say anything, but she wasn’t mad at the youngest. Instead, all that anger was directed at herself. “Talk to her after you cool your head,” Yuri told Taeyeon while she stroked the latter’s back. “I’m sorry, Taeng,” Jessica added. “But you shouldn’t have said those things to her. It wasn’t worth it.” Without a word, Taeyeon escaped from Jessica’s hold. “I’m gonna go take a walk,” she mumbled. She wasn’t sure if anyone else heard it. She barely cared.

She closed the front door and started walking. She was beating herself up inside her head. It was the most rational thing to do after all. What she was trying to figure out was how to mend the mental scars after the beating. The noise around her wasn’t helping: screaming kids, giggling girls, crashing waves.

“Taeyeon!”

And someone was calling out to her.

She blocked everything off. All she wanted to hear was herself saying “Dammit!” over and over. It reminded her of how stupid she was, how sorry she felt, how helpless and desperate she had become. It was childish of her to raise her voice because of something she didn’t understand. What was worse was she attempted to sound like she did. No one had the right to condemn anyone over trifles. It wasn’t just a matter of religion. It was how society worked. Even the law had something to say about it. Taeyeon knew that, but was too late to realize it. The blurring line between what was moral and what was ethical wasn’t something teenagers usually cared about. Being attacked by both sides set Taeyeon apart. It was a classic dilemma. Her ‘god’ says we can’t. The people around me say we can’t. I give up.

“Taeyeon!”

I give up. I give up. I give up. “Taeyeon!!” “What?!”

She turned as the voice got louder. She met a familiar face and a familiar pair of sunglasses. Not now, she thought.

“I’ve been chasing after you since you left your lodge! Didn’t you hear me?” “I’m sorry, Yoobin unnie,” Taeyeon replied, forcing a smile. “We need to talk.” Taeyeon was hesitant to ask why. Yoobin raised her sunglasses and let it rest on top of her head. She revealed a frown. “I know you took Sunmi out awhile ago.”

Taeyeon responded with silence. Something about Sunmi was the last thing she needed. It reminded her all the more about her searing confidence about confessing to Tiffany after Sunmi botched the summer fling plan. That got her nowhere, apparently.

“You did take her out this morning, didn’t you?” “Yeah. So what seems to be the problem?” Taeyeon asked back. Her tone was flat. Her frustration outlined her like a felt-tip marker. Yoobin sighed. She showed signs of anger herself: biting down on her lip and glaring. Then there was the heavy breathing. “What did you do?” she asked. Taeyeon shrugged. “Nothing. We walked and tried to find some fish or something. We didn’t do anything special,” she replied.

The screaming kids, the giggling girls and the crashing waves were still in the background. No one paid mind to the two girls at the middle of it all. Yoobin towered over Taeyeon, set aflame by how she woke up to an uneasy Sunmi who snuggled up to her without a word. She had recently heard about the ‘date’ over breakfast and decided to confront Taeyeon about it.

“’Nothing’ doesn’t make hyper little girls like Sunmi turn silent all of a sudden. You must have done something to make her act that way!” “I told you I didn’t do anything! I asked her out, took a walk with her and bought her breakfast. What’s wrong with that?!” “Why?”

Taeyeon swallowed the lump in her throat. “Why what?” “Why did you ask Sunmi out? Do you like her or something?” “No.” “Then why?!” Taeyeon knew Yoobin could easily push her down and beat her up for real. She was betting it would be more effective than beating herself up only in her head. Maybe I’ll come to my senses after I take a punch or two. “Taeyeon! I’m talking to you!” Yoobin screamed. Her patience was wearing thin. “I know,” Taeyeon replied in a quieter voice. “Please tell me what happened. I don’t want to hold grudges against anyone especially when I’m on vacation. Plus, I thought we would all get along and become friends, you know? I’m sorry for yelling. It’s just that I rarely see Sunmi like that. I want to know what went wrong.” Taeyeon cleared her throat and took a breath. The saltiness that the air carried stung her nose a bit, partially waking her from her fury. She lowered her pride. “I’m sorry, unnie. I didn’t mean any harm. I swear. I just… I was being stupid and,” she paused, deciding not to drag her friends into the conflict, “I thought doing something new would get my mind off of it. I don’t know exactly what Sunmi expected when I asked her out but she seemed happy. Now I get why she’s upset. Maybe she wanted to have more fun, right? And all I did was walk around with her in circles on the beach. I didn’t—” “That’s not it, Taeyeon,” Yoobin interrupted, shaking her head. She straightened her shirt and folded her arms across her chest. “Sunmi’s not the type to ask for a lot. She’s a kid. She goes with whatever she’s given and she’s just carefree. Knowing her, it must have been something about you. Not her.” “What do you mean?” “She’s observant. You must have done something that got her thinking.” “I didn’t do anything, really. I think I spaced out a lot and I didn’t talk a lot. Could that be it?” “Maybe. Well, I guess you don’t know, either. I’m sorry for yelling at you again. I guess I lost it. You’re not the only one who feels stupid, you know?” Yoobin laughed. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like you to talk to her. If she still isn’t okay later, I mean. It’s just hard for me to see her like that. Sunye’s worried, too. Is it okay?” “I guess.” “Thanks. I’ll see you around. Have a nice walk. You’re thinking about something, aren’t you?” Taeyeon laughed. “It’s that obvious?” “Heck yeah. Is it something you can talk about with me? I’m okay with listening.” Taeyeon smiled. She appreciated Yoobin’s offer. “I dunno. Something’s just wrong with me.” “You sure it isn’t because you like Sunmi and failed to impress her?” Taeyeon raised an eyebrow. Yoobin sounded like Sunny and the others just then. Where did that come from? “Uh, no. Why would you think that?”

Yoobin laughed, holding her sides as she did so. Taeyeon amused her. “It’s just a little joke. The others have been enjoying teasing Sunmi nowadays ‘cause she seems so attached to you. It’s so cute. Sometimes the teasing goes too far so we end up talking about her being your girlfriend.” “My what?” “Never mind. It’s just a joke. Don’t take it the wrong way.” “Uh, right. Of course not.” Yoobin caught her breath and placed a hand on Taeyeon’s shoulder. “Whatever it is that you’re thinking about, take your time. It’s no use rushing when everything is so slow. Seriously, don’t you feel like the days are moving like grannies crossing a highway?” “Do the grannies have good eyesight?” “Huh?” “Well, you know… If they have good eyesight then they’ll realize that they’ll be dead before making it to the other side. Highways are scary. And that means the grannies won’t cross the highway at all. So if you’re comparing grannies to days then that means the days won’t be moving. Right?” Yoobin seemed confused. “Taeyeon, you just ruined it.” “Oh.” “Never mind.” “I’m sorry, unnie.” “No. It’s okay. I see why Sunmi likes you. You’re such a dork.” Taeyeon would have laughed if it weren’t for her memories about Tiffany calling her a dork more often than she could count. She at least gave a smile. “A lot of people say so.” “I bet so, too. Well, I better get going. Thanks for the talk. It cleared a few things out. See you around. For real, this time. I just realized that I said ‘see you around’ awhile ago, too. Weird. Maybe dorkiness is contagious.” Taeyeon finally laughed. “Good luck,” Yoobin said with a wave. She turned around and started walking. From the looks of it, Taeyeon guessed Yoobin was heading straight for the sixth lodge.

Taeyeon was left by the waves. Yoobin had a point. It was too bad that it broke as soon as it reached a certain region of Taeyeon’s brain, like pencil lead falling to the floor.

I can’t take the time to think anymore. Someone else holds that for her. If I slow down, she’ll end up walking past me. If I rush, there’s no guarantee that she’ll run after me. Either way, I lose. Dammit.

“I give up.”

CHAPTER 20 Taeyeon calmed herself down by the shore. She was exhausted. Thought after thought, she felt sorrier for herself. The waves reached the tips of her toes and she cringed. She had a funny thought afterwards. If I jump into the water right now, will it make me someone who won’t burn her?

She sighed.

The longer she stayed out, the more she felt like rushing back to the lodge. She had to apologize. She would have gotten down on her knees if she had to. Anything for Tiffany’s forgiveness. After one last look at the waves meeting her toes, she walked back.

From outside the lodge she could hear the others talking. She opened the door. The room returned to the silence it held. Sunny pointed at the room across from Jessica’s. They watched Taeyeon walk toward it.

Kim Taeyeon, I won’t forgive you if she’s crying, she told herself. She rarely talked to herself, even in her thoughts. It was another sign of desperation, she guessed.

“Ti-ppany?” she said as she opened the door. There was no response. She cleared her throat and entered the room. Tiffany was lying on the bed with a pillow pressed to her face. Taeyeon sat on the empty space beside her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout or say those things. I’m just a bit... Well, I don’t know exactly. My emotions just got the best of me. That’s all. You know that I would never want to hurt you, right?” The pillow moved slightly; Taeyeon couldn’t tell if Tiffany was still breathing. “Don’t cut your oxygen off like that,” she said as she pulled the pillow out of Tiffany’s grip. Her heart skipped a beat upon seeing Tiffany’s swollen eyes. She quickly pulled the girl up and held her. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry… Please don’t cry… Please don’t…”

She stroked Tiffany’s back as hard as she could, partially believing that it would make the latter feel better and partially because of panic. This was the girl she wanted to protect, the girl she wanted to be happy no matter what – simply, the girl she wanted. Seeing the pain she caused was the worst.

“Taeyeon-ah…” Tiffany sobbed. She buried her tear-covered face in the nook of Taeyeon’s neck and muttered the name over and over. “Taeyeon-ah...”

“Sshh. Don’t cry, Fany-ah.”

Tiffany responded with the same words, calling out for Taeyeon as if they weren’t already together. Taeyeon held her closer, as tight as she could, as long as she could manage. Neither one knew just how long they were stuck in the moment.

“I’m sorry,” Taeyeon repeated, looking straight into Tiffany’s swollen eyes. She wiped the visible tear tracks on Tiffany’s cheeks with both thumbs. “I didn’t mean to.” Tiffany inhaled to keep her nose from running. She didn’t fail to show a smile, a curve that resembled a rainbow after her rain of tears. The only things missing were the seven colors. “It won’t ever happen again, I promise,” Taeyeon added. Tiffany shook her head. “Don’t say that. I’m sure it’ll happen again if you start promising. Just forget about it. That’s how things heal.” “But—” Tiffany shook her head again. “Because I say so, okay? Forget about it because I say so.” I can’t, Taeyeon thought. “I’ll try,” she replied instead. “Thank you.”

Tiffany returned to her position in Taeyeon’s arms, snuggling against the nook of Taeyeon’s neck. No one said anything for another long while. There was no way Taeyeon could confess after barely escaping the heat of an argument. She found it unfair. It was unfair that Tiffany could do whatever she wanted – hug, snuggle, kiss someone’s forehead – and still not mean anything beyond friendship. She, on the other hand, took every one of those actions and let them sink deeper into her, letting them touch her heart and at the same time pierce it. In the end, Taeyeon knew she was the ‘sinner’ that Tiffany’s small book talked about, the one who would cause Tiffany’s damnation and eternal separation from her ‘god.’ My ‘I love you’ breaks ‘his’ rules. I wouldn’t want you to get into trouble, Fany-ah.

Heat crept into the room. The one and only working fan wasn’t helping; it just helped spread the heat faster. Sweat formed on their bodies: bigger, heavier drops compared to any of Tiffany’s tears. Neither one cared. They just sat there, trampling messy sheets, surrounded by unfluffed pillows, like they were the last people on Earth during the hottest summer day in history.

“Before I forget,” Tiffany broke the silence, “have you eaten breakfast?” “Yes. I ate rice cakes at Heechul unnie’s stall.” “Ah. Did he say anything about last night? Was he upset when you talked to him?” “No. But Hankyung oppa said something.” “Huh? He knows about last night?”

“Heechul unnie told him. Don’t worry. No one’s mad. Oppa just said that if something feels right, Heechul unnie believes that it is. They both made their minds up about that. And that’s why they’re together. It’s because they both believe that the other is the right one. He said he hoped that you wouldn’t think badly of Heechul unnie and—” “But I don’t think badly of him at all!” Tiffany defended. Taeyeon laughed. She held Tiffany closer. “That’s exactly what I told him. Don’t worry.” “Thank you, TaeTae.” “And I told him you had your beliefs and that I,” she stopped to clear her throat, “that I respect that… and others should, too.” Taeyeon paused again, remembering how proudly she said that she respected Tiffany’s beliefs and then how she obviously spit on that statement when she raised her voice in the kitchen. “I’m sorry, Ti-ppany. I said all those things and—” “I thought I told you to forget about it. You’ve become so hardheaded. Tsk tsk.” “Ah. I’m sorry Fany ahjumma,” Taeyeon replied with a laugh. “Kids nowadays… Aish. During my days, the young’uns were so polite and well-behaved,” Tiffany said while mimicking an older woman’s tone. “Uh, yes. I’m sorry Fany ahjumma. I’ll behave.” “You better! Today’s generation should respect elders!”

The role-play relieved their tense minds. With all of the issues swarming inside their heads, they forgot they had each other at least. The matter concerning the small book drowned in the laughter they shared.

“Are you two done hogging the room?” Sunny called out from outside.

Taeyeon and Tiffany pulled away from their sweat-filled, tight hug and approached the door. They exchanged one more look of apology and turned the doorknob.

“Ah. Wait.” Taeyeon returned to the bed. She grabbed the small book from underneath one of the pillows and handed it to Tiffany. “You might lose it.” “Yeah. Thanks.” They left the room and faced their friends who greeted them with worry. “You guys okay?” Yuri asked, being the most concerned out of the other seven. “Yeah. Sorry for the drama guys,” Tiffany replied. “Drama is better than physical violence,” Sooyoung muttered. Her voice sounded weaker. “I agree,” Hyoyeon added. Everyone turned to the two.

“Omo! You’re bruised!” Tiffany gasped, pointing at Sooyoung. “Your lip is cut! And you have a black eye! And you have blood spattered on your shirt! What the—” She turned to Hyoyeon. “Omo! You, too? Your cheek is bleeding! And I can’t even see your pupils anymore! What happened to your eyes? Oh! And your nose looks broken! What the heck happened?!” Sooyoung could only sigh. Her condition limited her to only a few actions. “Please don’t say it like that. It hurts even more when you describe it.” “I agree,” Hyoyeon added. She seemed to be in a daze. Traumatized, maybe. “But! But! Seriously! What happened?!”

The rest shrugged, looking as if the incident didn’t concern them. In fact, they were all too busy laughing earlier that they had no more joy to spare. Yoona raised a hand and offered to answer the question. “This is what happens when you gamble too much, unnie.” Taeyeon wasn’t so sure she understood. “Gamble? We were gone for a few minutes and you gambled?! With who?! Over what?!” “’A few minutes’ isn’t really the right way to describe it, Taeyeon unnie,” Seohyun answered. “If I remember correctly, you entered the room at approximately 10:48. Around four to five minutes later, Yuri unnie pulled Sooyoung and Hyoyeon unnie away from the door because they were eavesdropping—” “You eavesdropped?! What the hell?!” Taeyeon turned to her injured friends. “They’re hurt enough,” Sunny defended. “Forgive them for being idiots.” She appeared calm and collected, obviously free of signs of her being involved in the ruckus. “Please continue,” Tiffany told Seohyun. “Ah. Yes. After the eavesdropping issue, the other unnies remained in the living room. I rushed to the kitchen to prepare Yoona unnie’s instant noodles for which I used hot water with an average temperature of ninety-eight to one hundred degrees. A few moments later – I am no longer aware of how long it was but I am sure it wasn’t for less than fifteen minutes – I found Sooyoung unnie and Hyoyeon unnie trying to scramble toward the door. This time, they faced Jessica unnie’s deadly glare and were forced to return to the couch. While I watched Yoona unnie happily eating, I saw Sunny unnie stealthily heading for the door in question—” “You, too?!” Taeyeon turned to Sunny. “Oh… Wait. I’m not that surprised.” Sunny sighed in relief. “Hey! No fair. Why doesn’t she get a sermon?” Sooyoung argued. “I agree,” Hyoyeon added once more. Her blank stare was starting to scare the others. “And then what, Seobaby?” Tiffany wanted to quench her curiosity. “Sunny unnie was unsuccessful. The nosy trio—” “Please don’t call us nosy, Seohyun.” Sunny pouted. “Ah. Of course. I’m sorry, unnie. We shall use ‘inquisitive’ instead. As I was saying, the three were left with no choice but to quiet themselves down on the couch, but being the active duo that they were,

Sooyoung unnie and Hyoyeon unnie decided to have a bet. I believe it was something about the current situation.” She paused, stared at Taeyeon and hoped that they established an understanding. “Okay. I get it,” Taeyeon replied. “I don’t,” Tiffany added.

Silence.

Seohyun continued: “Adding the minutes together, they make up something close to an hour. That’s how long you were talking inside the room. Alone. Silently. Or so we think. So technically, it wasn’t just for ‘a few minutes,’ Taeyeon unnie. By the way, it’s almost lunch time.” Taeyeon blinked. “Uh, right.” “I love it when you talk all smart like that, Hyunnie,” Yoona grinned. “It’s so sexy.” “Wait. I don’t know what everyone is talking about,” Tiffany interjected, leaving Seohyun with no time to react to Yoona’s comment. “I bet they were thinking of something perverted again,” Taeyeon answered. Bluffing, of course. She knew that the bet was really about her time with Sunmi. “You know… that. Do you still want me to explain, Ti-ppany?” she hissed in Tiffany’s ear. “Yah! Okay! I get it. Shut up, TaeTae!” Tiffany protested. Taeyeon grinned in victory. She turned to the others. Seohyun was particularly red. “Yoona unnie,” she shyly muttered. “Yes, sexy Hyunnie?” “Please don’t call me that.” “It’s true though,” Yoona replied, puckering her lips to be cute. “You don’t want me to lie, do you?” “No. I wouldn’t want you to lie, unnie.” “That’s settled then,” Yoona concluded. “Sexy Hyunnie,” she teased once more. Yuri ruffled Yoona’s hair. “Stop it, Yoong. Or else your Sica unnie’s gonna get mad at you.” Yoona nodded. “I understand, unnie.” “Good girl.” Yuri smiled. “So how about an early lunch, guys? We don’t have anything else to do anyway.” “After we all shower,” Jessica added.

There were no complaints. Taeyeon and Tiffany were allowed to be the first two to shower due to how much they sweated inside the room during their almost-one-hour talk. Behind Tiffany’s back, the others were teasing them about indeed doing something else. Unfortunately, Taeyeon revealed that there was no truth to it.

And contrary to what Tiffany described, Sooyoung and Hyoyeon’s injuries weren’t severe. Regardless, they still needed to be treated.

“Ouch!” Sooyoung bellowed as her wounds were dressed. “Stay still,” Sunny ordered, frowning. She held the cotton covered in liquid antiseptic with a firm hand as she pressed it on the cuts near Sooyoung’s eye. “Just a little more, okay?” Sooyoung shook her head. “Can’t we just let it dry on its own? It really hurts.” “It’ll get infected.” Sunny dabbed the wound with another piece of cotton. Sooyoung stood up with a jerk. “Ehh! Please, no more!” Sunny sighed as she turned to the youngest. “How’re you doing over there, Seohyun?”

On the other side of the couch was Hyoyeon with Seohyun, who was treating her share of battle scars. Seohyun had just finished covering the scratch on Hyoyeon’s cheek with a band-aid. “All done here, unnie,” the youngest replied. “See?” Sunny told Sooyoung. “If you just stay still like Hyo I’ll finish quicker, too. So get back here before I add another scar to your collection!”

Hesitant, Sooyoung walked back to the couch and seated herself beside Sunny. She closed her eyes and waited for the nasty sting. The cotton brushed against a spot near her left eye. The liquid antiseptic covered the surface of the abrasion and made its way inside, causing more pain. She was on the verge of crying.

“Relax, Sooyoungie,” Sunny muttered, still concentrating on how hard she was pressing the cotton on each cut. She moved to those on Sooyoung’s neck. There was less squirming on Sooyoung’s part, making it easier for Sunny to do her job. After addressing the cuts, she wiped the dry spots of blood on Sooyoung’s chin. “There. You look cleaner now.” “Thanks,” Sooyoung replied. A few tears had accumulated in the corners of her eyes. “But your lip,” Sunny pointed to the deep gash, “is just… Ugh. It looks awful!” “Gee, that really cheers me up,” Sooyoung replied, crossing her arms on her chest.

There was no response from Sunny. She gently fit her palm on Sooyoung’s jaw and leaned closer. Her fingers were slightly trembling as she pulled Sooyoung’s head closer to hers. There were no signs of hesitation or resistance. She narrowed in on Sooyoung’s eyes and parted her lips. The space between them lessened. Only inches apart, her gaze slowly moved from Sooyoung’s eyes down to the cut on her lip. “Scared?” she whispered. The air from inside her mouth as she said it reached the deep gash, making Sooyoung wince in slight pain.

“Soonkyu…,” Sooyoung whispered back. She was close enough. One slight move would cause a soft collision of their lips. She was sure of it. Sunny smiled and let the tips of her nails sink deeper into Sooyoung’s neck as if to penetrate it; Sooyoung closed her eyes, preparing for another sting.

“Dream on, yo!” Sunny laughed. She lightly slapped Sooyoung’s cheek and broke the tense moment. “Yah! What the hell?!” “What? You wanted to?” “No!” Sunny laughed once more, throwing her head back and clutching her sides. She tried to catch her breath. “Sooyoungie… That look on your face,” she let out another laugh, “is just priceless!! You were so into it!” “No I wasn’t!” Sooyoung defended. “Oh but you were!” Sooyoung sighed. “Shut up, Soonkyu.” Sunny continued with her laughter, amused at how Sooyoung acted so defensively. The two younger ones and Hyoyeon stood by, exchanging looks. No one uttered a word. “What’s the matter, guys?” Sunny asked. “Nothing, unnie,” Seohyun answered. “But why are you all staring like that? I was just playing, you know?” “Right,” Yoona muttered, rolling her eyes. “I saw that, Yoong!” Sunny immediately cried out. “Yah! Unnie, save me!” Yoona rushed behind Hyoyeon, cowering. Hyoyeon sighed as Yoona grabbed a hold of her shoulders from behind. “Don’t kid around like that, Soonkyu. Especially when Taeng’s around,” she said. “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

The playful joke, or whatever they wanted to call it, was kept from the other four. Each one took turns showering after Taeyeon and Tiffany finished. Being the teenage girls that they were, they took their time. It was past one in the afternoon when they finally finished. Thn they headed for their Heechul unnie’s stall.

“I’m gonna apologize to him for real,” Tiffany told Taeyeon. “There’s no need for it, though.” “I don’t care. I just have to.” “Okay. If you say so.”

They took the usual path, walking in pairs – except for Hyoyeon, Seohyun and Yoona – with umbrellas protecting them from the unusually hotter sun. The peak of the season was nearing, they all guessed. Two familiar faces came into view.

“Appa! What are we going to do?!” “I’m fresh out of ideas. But we have to beat those two! Yah! We can do this! Hwaiting!” Hyoyeon was the first to stop at the scene. “Teukie oppa?” “Ah! Kim Hyoyeon!” “Please just call me Hyoyeon.” “Oh. Okay,” Teukie agreed. “So what brings you guys to this part of the beach?” “Lunch.” “Cool! So where are you guys eating?” Hyoyeon turned to the others. “Whose stall was it again? The unnie’s stall, right?” “Heechul unnie’s stall,” Seohyun reminded. “That’s it! Darn. I keep forgetting.” Hyoyeon sighed. Teukie’s eyes appeared to have twitched upon hearing Heechul’s name. “Heechul unnie?! That long-haired, tall-as-a-model guy?! No! Don’t eat there!” Everyone was curious. “But why?” Yoona asked. “Because we had a bet!” Teukie answered with his nostrils flaring. “Right, Kangin appa?” “Hyung, I told you not to call me that in front of other people,” Kangin argued in a whisper. While the two discussed the matter concerning pet names, some of the girls were having a conversation of their own. “What is it with bets today?” Taeyeon muttered. “I know right,” Tiffany agreed. Yuri and Jessica observed the two and concluded that they were back to normal. They exchanged smiles and nodded. “I hope this isn’t anything dangerous, oppas,” Seohyun worriedly told Teukie and Kangin. “Or else you might end up like me and Hyo,” Sooyoung added, pointing to their scars. “Oh my!” Teukie gasped. “You poor things!” he said as he gently touched the two injured girls’ cheeks. Kangin pulled Teukie back. “Sorry about that. He’s such an ahjumma sometimes,” he explained. “It’s okay. We love ahjummas don’t we, Hyo?” Sooyoung commented. “Don’t drag me into your fetishes,” Hyoyeon said with raised eyebrows. Sunny got in between the two. “Okay, guys. Break it up.” Kangin laughed. “Feisty ones, huh?”

“Appa, don’t make fun of them like that,” Teukie corrected with a frown. “That’s so cute!” Tiffany finally opened her mouth after trying to hold her amusement back. “Teukie umma!” Taeyeon quickly reacted. “What the—First, Heechul unnie and now Teukie umma?” “Why not, TaeTae? It’s funny. And oppa—I mean, umma worries a lot.” Kangin shook his head. “It’s over. You are now officially destroyed, hyung,” he told Teukie. “Don’t say that.” Teukie slapped Kangin’s arm. “I do enjoy being an umma. I just love taking care of our Kibummie!” “Yes, hyung?” went a voice from behind the group. Teukie was the first one to turn around. He hugged the newly-arrived figure. “Kibummie! My baby!” “Hyu-hyung, please… not so tight…” “Let go of the kid, hyung,” Kangin added as he pulled Teukie’s arms apart to release their ‘Kibummie.’ “I’m sorry. I just missed you so much!” Teukie told his and Kangin’s ‘baby.’ “But I’ve only been gone for awhile.” “It doesn’t matter! It was too long for me!” Kangin turned to the girls to apologize again. “Uh, this is Kibum. He’s the underclassman that we’re trying to help.”

Kibum stepped forward and bowed. He was wearing a plain white shirt and denim shorts that reached up to the knees. His hair appeared unkempt, perhaps because of the summer breeze. From an overall perspective, he did seem like a typical college freshman.

The girls’ introductions came next. Kibum remembered some of them. “Oppa! Remember me?” Yoona pointed to herself. “Yes. Im Yoona, right?” Kibum replied. “Yeah! You do remember!” Kibum nodded. “And you’re still the same,” Yoona added. “Still as cool as ever.” “That’s my Kibummie!” Teukie went on with his praises. “Wait, wait,” Kangin interrupted. “We still haven’t figured out how to beat Mister Heechurella. I don’t want to have to treat him and Hankyung hyung to soju for a month!” “Ah yes. Hey girls, do you have any suggestions for us to raise more money?” Teukie asked. Nine heads turned and nine pairs of shoulders rose as everyone shrugged. “We just went out to get lunch, oppa,” Taeyeon answered.

“Of course. Well, okay. Please go on now. Have your lunch.” Teukie nodded. “And leave us here to suffer from soju expenses. Oh the horror! Hold me Kangin appa!” he said as he rushed into Kangin’s arms with fake tears. “Hyung, stop!” Kangin grumbled. Kibum took one second to examine the two then turned to the other nine. “Please excuse me. I just need to get something.” “Sure. Go ahead,” the girls agreed. They watched Kibum leave and then huddled. “He scares me sometimes,” Tiffany started. “Don’t worry, unnie,” Yoona replied. “He’s just cold.” “Like Sica, here,” Taeyeon added. She waited for Jessica’s glare, but was surprised to see closed eyes. “What the hell? She’s sleeping?” “Uh, yeah,” Yuri answered. “You shouldn’t be surprised.” “I’m not,” Sooyoung added. “But how can she do it standing up?” “Duh,” Hyoyeon scoffed. “She’s leaning on Yuri’s back. That makes it easier.” “Don’t ‘duh’ me!” “You tell me that all the time! Why shouldn’t I?” “Because I don’t like hearing it!” “I don’t like hearing it, either!” Seohyun coughed. “Unnies, please make peace permanently. Aren’t you both drained from fighting?” “She started it!” Sooyoung pointed at Hyoyeon. “Ugh. Like you’re not to blame, too?” Hyoyeon argued back. “Stop it,” Jessica muttered. She stared at the squabbling duo and closed her eyes again, still leaning on Yuri’s back.

All conversations came to a halt. They broke the huddle and faced Teukie and Kangin again. Kibum had only just arrived, carrying a big watermelon.

“What’s this for, Kibummie?” Teukie asked, poking the hard fruit with interest. “It’s for an experiment. I read about it somewhere and just wanted to try it out.” “Where’d you get it?” “I had it delivered. Anyway, I just came here to ask if I can borrow one of your surfboards, hyung.” “Anything for our baby Kibummie!” “Thank you, hyung.”

The big watermelon covered Kibum’s entire upper body as he held it with both hands. Kangin was looking at it with fiery eyes, like he planned to burn holes into it. He grinned after a sudden realization.

“I got it! I know how we’re gonna beat those two!” he exclaimed. “We’ll hit watermelons!”

Silence.

“And get other people to hit it with us! For a small amount of money! Man, I am a genius! Korea’s best man, I say!” Kangin continued.

Everyone took a step back, distancing themselves from the self-proclaimed ‘Korea’s Best Man.’

CHAPTER 21 “How did we ever get ourselves into this?” Taeyeon muttered, lugging a big surfboard from Teukie’s stall. “You shouldn’t have volunteered to go, you know? You’re just showing off again because Tiffany was so excited about this idea. You’re such an idiot!” Sunny replied, sounding like a stern mother. “I told you not to talk about her like that. It’s like you’re blaming her for everything I do.” “The fact that you’re defending her already means she’s to blame for everything you do.” “That doesn’t make sense.” “Because you don’t want it to make sense.” “What is your problem?!” Sunny shrugged. “I dunno.” Taeyeon sighed. “Look, what I meant by ‘how did we get ourselves into this,’ is how we ever got the idea of agreeing that hitting a watermelon is actually a good idea. It isn’t! Right?” “I think they can pull it off. It’s just a matter of marketing, you know?” Taeyeon didn’t reply. The conversation was going nowhere, in her opinion. They were getting closer to where they left the others. Taeyeon tightened her grip on the edge of the surfboard. She caught a glimpse of a serious Sunny as she did so. “Sunny, is something wrong?” “Why? Does it show on my face?” “Kinda. Yeah.” Sunny stopped walking. “Maybe. Hey, what’s happening to you now, Taengoo?” Taeyeon stopped and turned to face Sunny who stood a few feet farther. “What do you mean?”

Sunny took time to reply. She was rewinding to that moment with Sooyoung in the living room and how Hyoyeon told her off. She was just kidding around, but later on realized that the surrounding events were no laughing matter. Taeyeon and Tiffany fighting was a serious thing. She saw Taeyeon struggling even more and felt some kind of anger toward Tiffany for being the root of it all.

“What are you going to do with Tiffany now? Are you still going to wait? Or are you going to tell her, get rejected, and then stop?” “Let’s not talk about it now. Please?” Taeyeon answered, recalling saying ‘I give up,’ but still not feeling too sure. She cursed herself for being too stubborn. Her last talk with Tiffany had her re-thinking. “Well, if ever, you know you still have Sunmi, right?” Sunny answered. “Another thing to get Tiffany out of your head.” Taeyeon replied with a click of her tongue. “Don’t talk like Sunmi’s an object to be used.” “Oh.” Sunny showed a sly smile. “Someone sounds caring and concerned,” she teased. “Forget it. It didn’t work out so get off my back, all right?” “Why? What happened?” “I just can’t.” Taeyeon tightened her grip on the surfboard again. The tips of her nails were starting to scratch the surface. She remembered what Yoobin asked her and the answer she should have given but decided to cover up. “You should’ve seen her this morning. She was so excited and I think she liked being with me. I dunno. She’s such a good kid. I don’t want to lie to her just so I can play some game. Especially when she seems like the type who would believe everything I say.” “Easy catch, then. You should take her and stop playing the masochist!” “How can you even say that?! This is a person we’re talking about! She’s not some fish!” Sunny shrugged. “She’ll be over you once this week’s over anyway. Just don’t get too touchy, yeah?” “What is freakin’ wrong with you guys?!” Taeyeon blurted out. She was no longer sure if she was talking to the same Lee Soonkyu she grew up to know and she feared that the rest of her friends had reached the same level of insensitivity. “Nothing’s wrong with us. This is just how much we care about you,” Sunny replied, unfazed by Taeyeon’s angry tone. “If caring means using other people for your own selfish reasons then you guys suck!” “Selfish? This is for your own good.” “My own good?!” Taeyeon could no longer hold back. “What good would come out of playing pretend, huh? What, you think I don’t have a conscience or something? You think I’ll be okay with lying to Sunmi and even lying to myself? I’m not as heartless as you! Seriously, what happened to you guys? You weren’t like this before! You used to tease Fany and me! You used to set us up and leave us all alone on a park bench or at the mall or whatever random place you could think of! You even did that blind date

thing that I had no idea about! What happened to that kind of support for me, Sunny? Since when were you guys set on tearing her and me apart?” Sunny’s smile was long gone. “Since when?” she started, looking Taeyeon straight in the eye. “Since the trial period expired, Taengoo. We did all those things because we believed you two could be together if both of you wanted it bad enough. We pushed to have you two come to that point where you can share practically anything and not feel awkward around each other. If you think about it, I guess that was a success. But what happens now, huh?” She paused, avoiding being heard by a passing group. The group’s chatter faded into the distance not too long after, giving way to the conversation again. “We stood by you,” Sunny continued. “You know that? We hoped with you, spent every day wishing that somehow you and her could be together for real! Now you two are best friends. Fine. That’s all well and good. But that’s not what you want. Do you know how hard we try to keep you from getting hurt? Do you know how hard we try to protect you from her rejection?!” “Well, you don’t need to keep protecting me!” Taeyeon replied, demanding her independence back. “She won’t have anyone to reject if no one confesses so let’s just leave it at that! I won’t tell her anything so you guys won’t have to work your butts off thinking of ways to ‘protect’ me. Just lay off!” Sunny stood speechless, hurt by Taeyeon’s words but somehow relieved. “I hope you stick with that decision. It’s better for the both you.” “I have to stick with it. I can’t leave her just because I can’t tell her.” “Come here, danshin buddy.” Sunny spread her arms to her side and approached Taeyeon. With a smile, they shared a hug. “You’re such a masochist, you know that?” “According to her small book, I think you mean ‘martyr.’”

After sharing a few ‘just because’ laughs and another friendly, heartfelt hug, they grabbed one end of the surfboard each and carried it back to where their friends were. The big watermelon delivered to Kibum was settled on the ground, almost half-covered in sand because of its weight. A crowd had surrounded it.

“We got the surfboard,” Sunny cheered. She and Taeyeon displayed big smiles as if the talk about Tiffany and confessing never happened. “What took you guys so long?! Seriously!” Kangin threw both hands in the air. “We’re running out of time!” “Appa! Behave!” Teukie demanded, frowning. Kangin hung his head low. “Yes, Teukie hyung.” The girls shared another laugh; Kibum patted Kangin’s back. “Why are you being like this, hyung?” he asked. “You’re so soft when Teukie hyung tells you off. It’s puzzling.” “Yah!” Kangin swatted Kibum’s hand away. “Are you saying I’m not strong?!”

“Well, soft and strong could be antonyms so, yes, I guess that’s what I’m implying.” “What the hell, kid?! You tryin’ to piss me off or something?! I oughtta—” “Appa!” Teukie screamed, shielding Kibum from Kangin’s heavy hand. “Not our Kibummie!” Kangin sighed. “Yes, Teukie hyung.” “You really are soft, oppa!” went a voice from the crowd. Everyone turned toward it. “Sunmi!” Yoona called out with open arms. “Unnie!” Sunmi shouted back. Yoona slowly lowered her arms. “It always hurts when she calls me that,” she muttered. Sunmi came running toward her friends from the ninth lodge. She was saddened to find Yoona no longer welcoming her with open arms. “Unnie, do you hate me?” she asked. “No, Sunmi. No.” Yoona shook her head, sniffling crocodile tears. “Quit kidding around like that, Yoong,” Yuri reminded. She turned to Sunmi and smiled. “She just feels old. Don’t worry.” “Ah.”

While the girls were interacting, Kangin, Teukie and Kibum set up their Smash-The-Watermelon game. They supplied those who wanted to participate with a wooden pole Kibum packed. It was supposed to be for the experiment he was talking about just like the surfboard he wanted to borrow. Unfortunately, due to his hyungs’ persistence, he was forced to go with their silly idea. The surfboard served as the flat surface for the watermelon to sit on while the participants tried to break it open with the wooden pole.

Kangin stood before the crowd.

“Got angry because you forgot your sunscreen? Got peed on by someone’s dog while you were just trying to get a tan? Got something cool with your metal detector but almost got run down by the real owner? Got to hit on a real hottie but found out she has a boyfriend who’s uglier than you? Got cramps from trying to drown yourself so a hot lifeguard would notice you but got saved by some veteran swimmer from the 1970s? Whatever it is that’s got you pissed off, take it out on Mister Watermelon here! He won’t hurt you! We’ll even draw a smiley face on him to make you feel better about hitting him! For a minimum of one hundred Won you can take out as much anger as you want! If you want an extra hit, it’ll cost you. But who cares when you’re just that angry? Step up and get rid of that upside-down smile!”

Murmurs emerged from the crowd. Some seemed to be interested.

“Would any of you unnies want to try?” Sunmi asked ‘Team Taeyeon.’ “It’s such a waste of food. It’s so sad,” Sooyoung replied.

“I’m too lazy,” Hyoyeon added. Sunmi nodded. “That’s too bad. Uh, what’s with all the band-aids? Has it become a trend? Like fashion and stuff?” “Of course not!” Sooyoung laughed. “Hey. Where are your unnies? And Sohee? You’re all alone?” “Yes. I was just taking a walk. And then I saw this crowd.” “It’s weird, isn’t it?” Tiffany joined in. “Oh. You’re wearing purple again!” Sunmi looked down at her shirt and giggled. “And you’re wearing pink again, too!” While Sunmi and Tiffany were sharing their love of colors, Taeyeon was listening. “She seems like the same hyper little girl to me,” she muttered to herself. “Did you say something, Taeng?” Hyoyeon asked. “No,” Taeyeon quickly replied.

Sooyoung and Hyoyeon exchanged glances. They took a few steps back and subtly whispered. “Darn. We forgot to ask about their date,” Sooyoung started. “I can’t believe we did,” Hyoyeon replied. “So what are we going to do? We can’t ask them now, can we? Tiffany’s listening.” “Maybe we can make her jealous?” “Why the hell would she be jealous of Sunmi? She doesn’t like Taeng that way, does she?” Sooyoung shrugged. She remembered how possessive Tiffany sounded when she said she was worried about Taeyeon. “It’s worth a shot. Let’s do it!” “Do what?” The two slowly turned around and found Jessica staring at them. She had Yuri by the hand. “Nothing,” Sooyoung replied, smiling. “It’s a stupid idea.” “Let’s hear it then,” Jessica urged, gripping Yuri’s hand tighter. Yuri cleared her throat and loosened her grip; Jessica let go shortly afterwards. Sooyoung and Hyoyeon didn’t notice the tension between the two. “I think I’m gonna go check on Yoong. Okay?” Yuri told her friends. Jessica gave her girlfriend a slight smile, overthinking the latter’s actions. “Fine,” she replied. “Go.” Sooyoung and Hyoyeon nodded in agreement and got back to the conversation after Yuri left in search of Yoona in the crowd. “We haven’t asked Taeng about the date with Sunmi,” Hyoyeon told Jessica. “And Sooyoung here wants to talk about it in front of Tiffany to make her jealous. Do you think it’s gonna work?” Jessica crossed her arms on her chest and shifted her weight on one foot with a raised eyebrow. “They just had a fight and now you want to create another one for them? Gee, that’s a really good idea.”

“Fine,” Sooyoung replied. “Let’s just ask Taeyeon later about it then. I want to know what happened.” “Whatcha guys huddling for?” went a cheery voice. “Ti-Tiffany,” Jessica almost screamed in shock. “What are you guys whispering about?” Tiffany asked. “Uh, lunch,” Sooyoung answered. “Let’s go get some while the oppas are distracted.” “Oh. Good point. Let’s go then. I’ll tell the others.” “Okay.” Sooyoung nodded with a thumbs-up. “Go get them.” Tiffany left with a smile. The other three sighed in relief. “One of these days, we should talk to her, too,” Hyoyeon suggested. “Why haven’t we talked to her anyway?”

Jessica turned her head to face the crowd, probably checking where Yuri ran off to. A line was formed in front of the watermelon on the surfboard to play the Smack-The-Watermelon game. She found it odd.

“Sica, you listening?” “Yeah.” Jessica turned her attention back to her friends. “Well, I could go talk to her if that’s what you guys want. I have a few things to ask her anyway.” “Really?” Sooyoung asked. “Yeah. But Hyo’s right. Why haven’t we talked to Tiffany? It’s strange.” “I think we’re just scared.” Sooyoung took time to look at Hyoyeon and then at Jessica. “We’re scared of knowing what she really feels.” “Maybe,” Jessica replied. “Whatever. I’ll go talk to her later. Let’s grab lunch first.”

Sooyoung, Hyoyeon and Jessica met up with the others who were swallowed by the huge crowd surrounding the watermelon. Sunmi was easier to spot with her gladiator pose, gripping the wooden pole while in front of the watermelon. “I can do this!” Sunmi cheered. She raised her arms, holding the wooden pole way above her head to get leverage. “Hyaaa!” One end of the wooden pole landed on the watermelon’s surface with a loud thud but, instead of damaging it, the pole flew back toward Sunmi’s head. “Omo!” she yelled, dumbfounded after what just happened. She barely escaped the wooden end’s attack. “Me next!” Yoona volunteered. “No way! Me first, Yoong!” Yuri argued, pulling her dongsaeng back by the arm. “Me!” Yoona insisted, already waving a handful of bills as payment.

“No! Me!” “Unnie! Face it! Younger people first! You’re old!” “What the hell is that supposed to mean? You’re just one year younger than me! You’re old, too, right Sunmi?” Yuri finished with a look directed at Sunmi. “Uh, Yuri unnie, I don’t think—” “Ignore them, Sunmi,” Jessica interrupted. She gave Sunmi a smile while Yuri and Yoona had to settle for a glare “You two! Stop fighting and let’s go grab lunch.” “But Sica,” Yuri pouted, “I want to hit the watermelon!” “Me, too! Me, too!” Yoona added, flashing puppy dog eyes at her Sica unnie. “Aish! Okay, Yoong. Just one hit, okay? After that, meet us at Heechul unnie’s stall.” Jessica held one finger up to make it clear that she meant one and only one hit. “Okay, Sica unnie! Thank you!” Yoona handed Kangin her payment and got ready to hit the poor watermelon. Yuri sighed in defeat. “You let her do all the fun stuff,” she whined, trying to make Jessica feel guilty about what she just did. “There are other fun things for you to do, Kwon Yuri,” Jessica replied. Then she grabbed Yuri by the ear. “Let’s go. We’re having lunch and we’re having lunch now.” Yuri yelled in pain as Jessica twisted her ear harder. “Okay, okay, I get it! Let go!”

Jessica let go and giggled. She had just taken the opportunity to ‘punish’ Yuri for letting go of her hand awhile back. She turned to Sunmi with another smile. “If you can, please tell Taeyeon and the others to meet us near Heechul unnie’s stall. Tiffany said she’d get them, but I can’t see them anywhere near here. We’ll go ahead and you guys can catch up, okay? This crowd is kinda annoying me already.” Sunmi nodded. “Okay. I’ll go find them, unnie. You can count on me!” “Thank you. See you there.”

Sooyoung, Hyoyeon, Jessica and Yuri squeezed past the crowd, holding hands so they wouldn’t get lost in the sea of people. Yoona was still hitting the watermelon. Having fully forgotten what Jessica said, she mindlessly emptied her pockets to go for another try each time she failed to make a dent on the big fruit. It was a mystery why it remained unbreakable. Meanwhile, Sunmi was repeating ‘Excuse me, coming through’ as she maneuvered around the fans of the Smash-The-Watermelon game.

“Taeyeon unnie! Tiffany unnie!” she tried to call out. The cheers from the crowd got louder the more she screamed Taeyeon and Tiffany’s name. Seohyun and Sunny were nowhere to be found, either. She was starting to feel hopeless. “Taeyeon unnie! Can you hear me?!” “Sunmi!”

“Unnie! Where are you?!” Sunmi looked at both sides, trying to track Taeyeon’s voice. “Behind you!” “Oh! Okay!” Sunmi turned around and saw a hand sticking out from behind two larger males. She walked toward it and squeezed it. “Is this you, unnie?” “Yes! Pull me through please!” “Uh, excuse me,” Sunmi addressed the two who were blocking Taeyeon from her view. They could only take one step to the side due to their cramped state. It didn’t make much of a difference, but for some reason Taeyeon got through. Unnie and dongsaeng were reunited, like in a scene at the end of a chick flick. “Where’s Tiffany unnie?” Sunmi asked after successfully ‘rescuing’ Taeyeon. “I don’t know.” Taeyeon tried to catch her breath while still looking around for any signs of Tiffany. “I’ve been going around, but I can’t see her. She was with me awhile ago though.” “I see. Let’s get out of this crowd first. Maybe she’s already out there somewhere.” “Okay.”

Like Jessica with the others, Taeyeon and Sunmi held hands as they trekked through the crowd. It was a struggle, like each person present in the crowd became part of a big, moving mouth that chewed, swallowed and spit the two out. They gasped for air immediately after escaping the said hell-hole.

“I still can’t see Tiffany unnie,” Sunmi told Taeyeon, still holding the latter’s hand. Taeyeon looked around. “You’re right. Seohyun and Sunny, too. Where could they be?” She took one more breath of air before continuing. “Sunmi, I’m going back. They might be trapped in there or something.” “I’ll go with you, unnie,” Sunmi answered with knitted brows. She remembered that Yoona was also still somewhere within the abnormally huge pack of people. “No. Stay here. It’ll be hard if I lose you in there, too.” Sunmi blinked. “Unnie, do you mean that?” “Of course I do,” Taeyeon answered hastily, not thinking about how many ways her statement could have been read. She was rearing to go save Tiffany, Seohyun and Sunny. “Uh, can you let go of my hand first though?” Sunmi shook her head. “I’m going with you.” “But it’ll be harder to move and—” “Taeyeon-ah!” went a voice from behind them. The two turned around. “Ti-ppany!” Taeyeon waved with her free hand. “Are Seohyun and Sunny with you?” “Yeah. They’re at Heechul unnie’s already.”

“What about Yoona unnie?” Sunmi asked. “Yup,” Tiffany answered. “Everyone’s there except you two. Let’s go.” Taeyeon had already taken a few steps forward. She stopped when she felt a tug on her hand. “Sunmi?” she asked, looking over her shoulder. “Uh, unnie?” Sunmi turned to Tiffany as she pulled Taeyeon back. “Yes?” “Please go ahead. I just need to tell Taeyeon unnie something.” Taeyeon and Tiffany exchanged glances. By how long they stared, they could have been trying to exchange thoughts, too. “Okay,” Tiffany answered. “But hurry up, okay? We’ll wait for you at the stall.” “Roger that,” Sunmi assured.

CHAPTER 22 The rest of the beach appeared deserted due to almost every soul longing to break open the watermelon. Hand-in-hand, Taeyeon and Sunmi stood at a spot farther away from the commotion.

“A lot of people must be really pissed,” Taeyeon mumbled. “They must be too mad to think straight. Hitting a watermelon and paying for it… What a waste.” “Unnie, I don’t want to be rude or anything,” Sunmi said with her head down. “Yeah? What is it, Sunmi?” Sunmi cleared her throat. “I know it’s childish to ask you this again, but I just want to know what really happened and why you asked me out on a...” “On a date?” Taeyeon finished the sentence. “Yeah. That word. I can’t seem to say it. I’m sorry.” “No. That’s fine. It might have sounded weird coming from an unnie like me, right?” “Yeah. I’m sorry.”

The setting proved to be appropriate for the one-on-one talk. The stillness in Sunmi’s eyes matched well with the weak waves that lapped the shore behind her. With less words to spare, Taeyeon stood before the scene as calm as the breeze kissing the palm trees. Cheers from the people having a go at the watermelon could still reach them but, like the waves, they went back to the deep center of the crowd.

“It’s okay. I understand. A lot of people would think I’m weird anyway,” Taeyeon answered. “Huh?” Sunmi raised an eyebrow. “But you’re so cool!” “Uh… I don’t get it. You said I was weird just now.”

“No, no,” Sunmi started to explain. “What I meant was it’s so weird when I was asked out by someone as cool as you, unnie. It’s like something from a drama so I couldn’t believe it.” “Really?” Taeyeon scratched her head with her free hand. “Yup. I really like you, unnie. You’re even better than ‘Super Yoong’ who Ye Eun unnie loves so much. For me, you smile like an angel and you’re so kind and helpful. Plus, you didn’t freak out when I broke into your lodge. And you save fish! And… uh….” She paused. Like every moment she shared with Taeyeon, it took her a few extra seconds to get her sentences rolling out of her mouth. She used her usual line: “Never mind. Please forget I said that.” Taeyeon laughed, amused at how bashful Sunmi was around her. It flattered her. “And because I’m a dork?” she asked, remembering what Yoobin said. “I… how did you know—” “I had a talk with Yoobin unnie.” Sunmi appeared clueless. “She didn’t do anything bad to you, did she?” “No. She was just looking out for you. She said you seemed depressed after our ‘date.’” “Oh. I didn’t mean to make her notice. I was just a bit confused.” “I’m sorry.” “Please don’t apologize. I just want to know the reason why. I hope you’re not mad about me being so pushy.” “I’m not mad. I guess I owe you the explanation anyway. Yoobin unnie asked me the same thing.” “And what did you tell her?” “That I was just being stupid. I just wanted to try something new. I dunno. I’m sorry, Sunmi. Really. I didn’t mean to get you mixed up in all of this.” Sunmi tilted her head. “What do you mean ‘this’?” “It’s stupid,” Taeyeon answered. Her reply begged for another question from Sunmi. She knew that part of her wanted to scream just what it was she was hiding. She lost the comfort of telling her friends together with the patience to keep it all bottled up. If she couldn’t tell Tiffany and she couldn’t tell her friends, there was nowhere left to run to except maybe toward the girl in front of her. “That’s fine, unnie,” Sunmi assured. “If you want, you can ask me to forget it after hearing it, just like what I’ve been doing to you.” “I’m not sure that would work.” “We won’t know until we try.”

Taeyeon observed her surroundings as if she were doing something illegal. She didn’t want to offend Sunmi with the truth and neither did she want to feel guilty all throughout the rest of the week. She decided to keep it short and simple. “My friends asked me to have a summer fling with you,” she said, but knowing Sunmi, Taeyeon guessed it was going to be a little more complicated. “Summer fling?” Sunmi asked.

“Uh, it’s like a pretend relationship.” Sunmi’s mouth formed an ‘o.’ “Like playing house?” “Uh, yeah. Like playing house,” Taeyeon agreed nonetheless. Sunmi’s smile grew, almost reaching her ears. “Omo! Can I be the baby? I want you to be the umma, unnie! Oh! And can Sunye unnie play, too?” Taeyeon hid a sigh, not meaning to look down on Sunmi or whatnot. “Sunmi, it’s not that kind of ‘pretend.’ You can’t be the baby and I can’t be the umma, either.” “So Sunye unnie can’t play?” Sunmi asked with a pout, distraught after the non-inclusion of her Sunye unnie. Taeyeon shook her head. “It means that you and I are supposed to be,” she paused, catching up on Sunmi’s weird habit of pausing, “uh, umma and appa. Get it?” “Oh,” Sunmi replied.

Silence reigned as the two stood face to face with unknown passers-by walking past them. They seemed to have come from the crowd screaming for watermelon action, which was slowly breaking up into different directions, forming lines like rays on a child’s drawing of the sun.

“Can I be the umma then?” Sunmi cheerfully added. “I think that’s what my friends wanted,” Taeyeon revealed, sounding neither serious nor bluffing. “Yey! And you can be appa! That would be so cute. Uh... but that means I’m taller than my husband.” Sunmi’s delight quickly morphed into gloom. “My parents wouldn’t like that. Oh no.” “Sunmi, it’s not—” “Oh well. That’s fine. Is that okay with you, unnie? That I’m taller?” “It’s fine. I mean, I don’t… Wait.” Taeyeon called for a time-out by raising her free hand. Wait a minute. Why am I still holding her other hand anyway? She loosened her grip on Sunmi’s hand and began to talk again. This time with hand gestures. “I like you, too, but not in that… you know… that umma-appa way.” “That’s okay, unnie,” went the immediate reply. In the younger girl’s eyes was pure, open honesty. “We’ll be pretending anyway, right?” “You weren’t supposed to know that we’ll be pretending.” Sunmi held air in one side of her mouth and frowned. “I don’t get it. I’m confused.” “Never mind,” Taeyeon concluded. “What I’m trying to say is that I can’t do it even if it’s just pretend. I’m sorry.” “Stop saying sorry, unnie. But would you mind telling me why?” “Why what?” “Why you can’t play umma-appa with me.”

There was too much honesty and with Taeyeon’s recent track record for lying, she felt herself struggling. “Nothing. I’m not that good at playing. Really.” She ended with a giggle. Sunmi frowned. “You’re lying to me again, unnie! Just like this morning!” “What? No way!” “It’s not that hard to tell, you know?” The struggle continued. With words floating above her head and her limited reach, she pulled what few words she could get and formed an excuse. “What about you? You lied about sleeping and not going out and stuff!” “But I couldn’t go to sleep because all I could think about was why you asked me out.” “That doesn’t—” “Guys! There you are! Let’s go!” went a familiar voice. “Okay!” Taeyeon shouted back at Tiffany who was a few feet away. “Let’s go, Sunmi.” “No. Not until you tell me why you can’t play with me.” “But it’s time for lunch,” Taeyeon desperately argued. “You better tell me or else we won’t eat lunch, unnie!” “What?!” “TaeTae!” Tiffany called out once more. “Yeah, we’ll be right there!” Taeyeon assured. She turned to Sunmi and grabbed her hand. “Let’s go. Please?” Sunmi stood her ground, anchoring herself by letting her feet sink into the sand. “Ah. I think I know a better ‘or else’ for you, unnie,” Sunmi said, a smug, scheming smile forming on her lips. Taeyeon seemed startled. “What is it?” Sunmi raised her hand; Taeyeon’s captured hand rose with it. “If you don’t tell me what’s going on, I won’t ever let go of this.” “What the—Never?” “I can do it, you know? Just watch me!” Sunmi replied with confidence. Taeyeon almost laughed. “What makes this a better ‘or else’ for me if it’s going to be troublesome for you, too? You’re at a disadvantage, too, you know?” “Yeah. I get that. But something tells me this is going to work. You don’t seem to want to hold hands with me. I feel you trying to escape from my grip every time. It’s not that hard to figure out, unnie.” Taeyeon diverted her gaze toward where Tiffany was standing. She kept her hand still. “What’s the matter, unnie?” Sunmi leaned closer to meet Taeyeon’s eyes. She flashed a wide smile. “I got your weakness, didn’t I? Right? Right? No need to deny it, unnie. You have to tell me what’s really going on so you can have your hand back. It’s a fair deal, right?” Taeyeon wasn’t going to take it lying down. She had a bit of pride in her, too. She faced her dongsaeng with it. “You really think you can live for the rest of the day with only one hand, hm? Okay. Let’s see who lets go first then.”

“But, unnie, you can just free yourself from this awfully awful predicament by telling me what’s really going on.” Sunmi batted her eyes. “Wouldn’t that be simpler? Right? Sim-pler?” she tried to persuade Taeyeon. “You’re really going to make me feel bad about this whole thing, aren’t you?” “Yes.” “And here I was thinking you were a good kid,” Taeyeon replied with disappointment in her tone. Bluffing, of course. “But I am a good kid!” “Right. Well, let’s get some lunch first, okay?”

Sunmi nodded. They started walking, palm against palm, fingers bound. Before they could get near enough to talk to Tiffany, the latter already turned around and started taking bigger steps toward where she came from, leaving no clue as to how she felt or if she felt anything at all for that matter. Once Taeyeon and Sunmi arrived at the stall, the others were already done eating.

“What took you guys so long?” Jessica asked, eyeing Taeyeon and Sunmi’s hands with a raised eyebrow. “We were just talking,” Taeyeon replied. With a subtle movement of her eyes, she assured Jessica that nothing happened. Jessica nodded. She turned to the others and then back at the two holding hands. “Do you want us to wait for you to finish? Or is it okay if we go ahead?” “Whatever you want,” Taeyeon answered. She stole a glance at Tiffany. “Everyone’s done eating?” she asked, expecting Tiffany to say she waited for Taeyeon again. “Yeah,” Sunny answered, already linking arms with Sooyoung and Hyoyeon. “So we’re just gonna leave you guys alone now, okay? The lodge could be feeling lonely already.” “I feel worse than the lodge. It doesn’t even have feelings!” Yoona added, sighing. “What’s the matter, unnie?” Sunmi asked, adding her first line to the conversation. “I lost everything!” Being Yoona’s caring senior, and probable stand-in parent, Yuri ruffled her dongsaeng’s hair. “Sica told you to have one try, didn’t she? Serves you right for being stubborn. Now you don’t even have enough money to go home. What were you thinking?” “She wasn’t.” Seohyun interrupted, frowning. “Don’t gang up on me, please?” Yoona pleaded, already sounding desperate. “Behave, guys,” Tiffany told her friends with a slight smile. She turned to look at Taeyeon and Sunmi. “We’ll wait for you at the lodge, TaeTae. Eat lots, okay?” Sunmi flashed a big smile. “You can count on me, Tiffany unnie! I’ll make sure Taeyeon unnie eats a whole lot!”

Tiffany’s smile remained a small curve. “Thanks, Sunmi. Later.”

The others waved goodbye to Taeyeon and Sunmi, adding a few winks to tease them without Tiffany’s knowledge. Sooyoung led the wink attack while Hyoyeon added the thumbs-up.

Taeyeon sighed. “Sorry about that. They must think we’re still going through with the umma-appa thing. I mean, the summer fling. Uh, I mean—” “I get it, unnie. Don’t worry. What you should be worrying about is eating a lot just like what Tiffany unnie said.” “Yeah. Like what Tiffany unnie said,” went a deeper voice. Taeyeon faced the counter and found their Heechul unnie with a blank stare, crossed arms on his chest and a new apron on. “Sorry. We’re taking long to order again, aren’t we?” “I’m used to it by now,” Heechul replied. Rather than worrying about Heechul hearing the phrase ‘summer fling,’ Taeyeon suddenly remembered what Tiffany said about apologizing to him. “Uh, unnie?” she whispered. “Did Fany talk to you about something?” “Miss Pink? Nope. Why?” “Nothing. Never mind.” “So what can I get you this time?”

The chalkboard menu served its purpose and gave a few more suggestions for lunch but, with her hand trapped in Sunmi’s, Taeyeon decided to go for the same rice cakes they had for breakfast to make it easier for her to eat. On the other hand, despite their current predicament, Sunmi still ordered noodles and settled the bowl on her lap as they sat on a curb near the stall. She was serious about not letting go until she heard a decent explanation for the ‘umma-appa’ issue.

“Sunmi, I have to go back to our lodge soon,” Taeyeon said. She was tired. “Then you have to tell me why you can’t play with me, unnie,” Sunmi replied, still with that scheming smile.

Left with only one hand to use, Taeyeon was desperate enough to consider telling Sunmi what really happened: that she fell head over heels for a girl she’s known for years; that she kept it a secret; that she wasn’t good at keeping it a secret; that her friends could very well be a collective Dr. Phil of their generation; that though her friends were killing her with their absurdity, she could still see that they would go through hell for her; that because she would go through hell for them, too, she agreed to do the stupid summer fling idea. She wanted to say it all in one breath just to be free of the guilt, of her lying record, of

another pair of invisible handcuffs, of a more visible restraint in the form of Sunmi’s hand. She wanted to give in. She herself bulldozed the wall surrounding her.

“Okay, okay. I’ll tell you.” “Finally!” “Right. Uh… Let’s say I like this person.” Taeyeon cleared her throat, barely believing that the sentence came right out of her own mouth. A part of her was rising, for some reason, like she just got out of quicksand. “But this person just can’t be with me.” Sunmi relaxed her grip on Taeyeon’s hand, giving the latter a chance to be comfortable with the revelation. “Why?” “Why?” Taeyeon repeated. There was a reason, but it was far too abstract to fit in words. She knew nothing about the matter herself except about the burning and that small book. “I guess because this person just can’t.” “Doesn’t this person like you?” Sunmi asked, getting drawn in. “I don’t know yet. I don’t think I want to ask anymore.” “But if you don’t, then how will you know? You should just go for it, unnie!” Taeyeon almost laughed. “If it was that simple then I wouldn’t have had to go through with the summer fling thing. The situation is that bad. It’s so impossible for me to be with this person that even my friends were desperate enough to find a substitute—I mean, uh, I don’t think you’re just a substitute, Sunmi. I was just—Please don’t take it the wrong way. I just can’t think of a better word to describe it right now. I’m really sorry.”

There was another short pause as a group of vacationers rushed past with a big floater. Taeyeon and Sunmi took a few minutes to recall that they were at the beach, not at some studio with bright lights, a soft couch, and Oprah.

“I understand, unnie. Don’t apologize. But who is this person? Oh wait!” Sunmi jolted up in excitement. “Is it one of the other unnies?” “Unnies?!” Taeyeon’s eyes widened. “What makes you think that?!” “Well, you said I was supposed to be a substitute and I’m a girl so, technically, this person you like has to be a girl, too, right?” She paused and rubbed the back of her neck with her free hand. “Unless you think I’m a guy. Though I can’t see how that’s possible ‘cause I think I pretty much look like a normal girl. Right? No?” Taeyeon was too lost to comment. “Did I say too much?” Sunmi bit her lip. “I’m sorry, unnie!”

Taeyeon shook her head and smiled, no longer feeling that hesitant. It was strangely comfortable for her to converse with Sunmi. Maybe because she’s a stranger, she thought. “Sunmi, please don’t think I’m weird for being like this. It hurts enough that she thinks so.” “She? So I was right?” “Yeah. Spot on.”

Sunmi released Taeyeon’s hand, signaling that she got her answer. As their fingers lost contact, she realized the heat of the conversation, how Taeyeon must have felt twice as uncomfortable being bound by the hand but at the same time letting herself go by revealing a secret.

“I don’t think you’re weird, unnie. I think you’re really sweet for caring about this person so much.” “I appreciate that. It’s been awhile since I got some encouragement,” Taeyeon replied, recalling how Sunny and the others weren’t as supportive anymore. “But like I said, we just can’t be together.” “But Tiffany unnie seems to really like you though.”

It was Taeyeon’s turn to pause and gather her sentences. She didn’t feel like asking how Sunmi guessed right. She knew she was too obvious, that she was slowly failing at holding herself back the longer she kept it hidden. “I know, but I can’t be sure until I ask her or until she tells me. We’re too close, right? She shows me that she cares about me a lot, but that’s what scares me. She’s too open that I might be missing something she’s hiding. Her rules are just… I don’t know. She confuses me. One second I want to tell her, the next second I’m losing my head over some book. It’s just stupid. I’m stupid.” Sunmi had no idea what ‘rules’ were or what book Taeyeon was talking about. She gathered a more positive reply. “You worry too much, unnie! Just go for it!” Kids like her have it easy, Taeyeon thought. She wished it was that simple. “I’m scared.” “I’ll help you!” “What?!” “Yeah! I may not be a good substitute for Tiffany unnie but—” “Don’t say that. You’re not a replacement for anyone. You’re you!” “I know. But at least let me make it up to you, unnie. I caused you a lot of trouble today so I’ll help you plan the perfect confession!” “Thanks, but I just can’t. I thought I wanted to tell her, but after seeing how bad I am for her, I think I’ve gotten a phobia. I don’t want to be the reason for her to lose something more important. And… I don’t want to hear her say ‘no.’ It’s pretty embarrassing, isn’t it? That I’m such a scaredy cat.” “I like cats,” Sunmi replied, going out of topic. “Well, if you don’t want to confess then just play the summer fling game with her!” “But it’s not pretend. I really like her.”

“No, no. What I’m saying is just be appa and let her be umma. Don’t say anything. Just do everything you want for umma. Show her how she’s so special. Be sweet and stuff.” “That’ll scare her,” Taeyeon replied, unaware of where the conversation was going but slowly feeling intrigued. Sunmi smirked. “Why would it scare her? She doesn’t know that she’s umma.” “I dunno, Sunmi. It’s going to get pretty complicated if I randomly start doing things for her.” “Promise me you’ll think about it.” Taeyeon was hesitant. “There’s no harm in thinking about it, unnie,” Sunmi said with a reassuring smile. “Okay. I’ll try to think about it.” “Good! That’s set then. Once you make up your mind, tell me, okay? Just swing by our lodge or something. Or maybe I should get your number?” “Can’t. I left my phone at home.” “But why?” Taeyeon shrugged. “I don’t remember. Something about it falling into the water by accident.” “Oh. Okay then. I’ll wait for your decision at our lodge,” Sunmi replied, sounding so sure about Taeyeon agreeing to her proposal. “Don’t get yourself too excited.” “Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you around then. Take care, unnie!” Taeyeon nodded. She was about to turn around and leave when she caught a thought. “Hey Sunmi, do you want me to walk you back to your lodge?” Sunmi shook her head. “That would be cheating on Tiffany umma, unnie.” “Nah. Let’s go. I’ll walk you back as your appa.” “Silly unnie.”

CHAPTER 23 She was back in the kitchen, clutching the small book. She flipped through the pages, staring blankly at the words and slowly letting herself sink into them. She had the truth in her hands, the trust in her mind and the faith in her heart, but she asked herself what it was all worth. Is this worth giving up for her?

She put the book down and rested her head on the table, taking in the cold sensation from its steel structure. The day had been too tiring for her – mostly because of the thinking than the physical movement.

“Would it be too ironic to ask your help with something you forbid?” she whispered. A bubble of anger was rising inside of her. Frustration and anxiety didn’t make a good pair, but there she was sitting alone in a kitchen talking to someone who knew her thoughts, not daring to sound demanding and at the same time being demanding. No one answered. She didn’t hear anything except the chatter of her friends in the living room.

“So how did it go, Taeng?” she heard Sunny say.

She sat up, grabbed the small book and walked to the living room to greet Taeyeon. She found the latter surrounded by an excited trio. “Guys, I’m tired,” Taeyeon replied. She escaped from the clutches of Sooyoung, Sunny and Hyoyeon and gave a smile. No one had an idea what it was for; Tiffany had a few guesses but chose to keep it to herself. “Did you eat lots, TaeTae?” Tiffany asked. “Yup. A whole lot!” Taeyeon answered, still with that fake smile. Tiffany could tell. “I’m gonna go sleep for awhile. I’m beat,” Taeyeon continued. “Okay. Rest well.”

Taeyeon walked over to the room across from Jessica and Yuri’s, where she and Tiffany shared their longest hug to date. Her mind was out somewhere else, lost in Sunmi’s words about making Tiffany the happiest umma ever. She left the door open, turned the fan on and plopped herself down on the bed. Her body immediately responded to the soft comfort of the mattress and the surrounding pillows, which made her close her eyes and the rest of her system shut down temporarily.

Right by the open door, a suspecting Tiffany was watching. She leaned on the doorpost, her shoulder and her head pressing against it. A long trail of thoughts wound around the crevices on the surface of her brain as she observed how Taeyeon’s chest rose and fell during the deep slumber. Without a word she approached the bed and lied down on the empty space beside the sleeping Taeyeon. She rolled on her side and propped her herself up on her elbow, leaving the small book on the small space between her and Taeyeon’s sleeping figure.

“You didn’t even brush your teeth yet, TaeTae,” she whispered. What are you up to? She continued in her thoughts. There was no response. The fan’s blade was spinning fast, set on max speed. Its growling hit the walls of the room and left through the open door. Tiffany imagined its course and laid eyes on another observer by the door. “Jessi?”

“Hey,” Jessica waved. “You busy?” Tiffany sat up. “No. Do you need something?” “Take a walk with me for awhile.”

Tiffany took one last look at Taeyeon and stood up. She left the small book behind and walked toward the doorway where Jessica was waiting. She nodded and without a word they slipped out the front door. No one bothered to ask where they were going, not even the nosy trio.

The two took an unfamiliar route and just kept walking. Rows of palm trees filled the scene. Their swaying leaves seemed to greet the two as they passed.

“You and Taeng are okay now, right?” Jessica asked, facing forward instead of looking at Tiffany. “Yeah. We’re okay,” Tiffany answered. “Thanks for worrying, Jessi.” “What happened anyway?” “I don’t know. She suddenly shouted at me, said something about getting to heaven and bad people… How everything is written down step by step.” “Isn’t it?” Tiffany’s frustration grew. Jessica had the same condescending tone Taeyeon had earlier. “Yeah, but it doesn’t mean that it’s easy. She thinks everything is laid out for people to follow and they can become ‘good’ just like that! But it’s way more complicated! So what if you have the map that leads to the right path? It’s not like you can follow it until the end when…” She paused to take a breath, preparing to keep the volume of her voice consistent so as not to sound mad. She didn’t want another fight. “When what?” Jessica asked. “When you don’t even know where you are on the map. Or the real identity of the person who gave it to you. Or why it’s the way it is. In fact, with all of these rules I know I should follow, I feel more lost.” “I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours, Tiff. And I don’t know much about these rules and stuff. But I called you out here because I’m worried about the two of you. You’ve been friends for a long time now and seeing you guys fight is a rare thing, you know? The last fight you guys had was when she stole your lollipops in the fourth grade for goodness’ sake! That isn’t even worthy of being called a fight!” Tiffany laughed, lightening up the mood. The swaying palm trees seemed to agree.

“That was a stupid fight, but at least we knew what it was about. This time, I’m not that sure. I do want to ask her, but then again we might end up fighting like this morning. This is way too confusing. What do you think?”

Jessica replied with a smile. She knew more about Taeyeon’s struggle and how the defenses Tiffany had were impenetrable unless she broke them down herself. “I think secrets break relationships down. If she keeps things from you and you keep things from her, nothing’s gonna happen. You’ll end up guessing and most of the time you’ll guess wrong. You’ll say stupid things and she’ll say stupid things. You’re going to argue in a cold room and watch her cry with her forehead against the wall and her back turned. And there’s nothing you can do except blame her for not telling you. You’ll do that to each other if you continue like this.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jessi. What cold room?” “Nothing. That was just an example. But do you get what I mean? If you have all of these things on your mind then just tell her. If you end up in a fight, we’ll hold you two back from punching each other in the face!” Tiffany gasped. “Omo, Jessi! We won’t be that violent!” “That was just an example,” Jessica assured with a giggle. “Just tell her if you have something to say. She’ll understand if you make her understand.” “But I don’t understand anything.”

Tiffany stopped walking the moment they arrived at the end of the row of palm trees. Beyond it was part of the blue sea that glistened under the afternoon sky, like stars had fallen and were shining brighter under the waves. A few more steps would bring them to the edge of a cliff.

Jessica was closer to the edge. She stared far off into the horizon despite wanting to look down and observe just how high up she was. She turned and faced Tiffany.

“Can I ask you something?” “Sure. But get over here! You might fall.” “I won’t. Just hear me out.” “Okay.”

It was against her agreement with Yuri but she had to ask. The question was eating her up from the inside and she had no more patience to feed it. “What’s Taeyeon to you?” “What kind of question is that?” Tiffany answered, her head tilted to the side as she squinted to block the sunlight. “Just answer it!” “She’s… She’s my best friend. The closest one I have. Why are you asking me this, Jessi?” “Because I think she means more than that to you,” Jessica answered, setting aside the fear Sooyoung was talking about earlier. She needed to know how long she had to let Yuri protect their

friends, how long she would have to wait until she could have her girlfriend all to herself. As much as it pained her to continue with the question, she did so with their friendship possibly on the line. “Does she?”

Two simple words struck Tiffany hard. She knew Jessica was asking for something final, an answer that wasn’t ‘maybe’ or ‘I don’t know.’ Without much to go on, she had to rely on what had always been ringing in her ears and, for this moment, she ignored the angel on her shoulder.

“I want her to be,” Tiffany answered. “Then tell her.” “I can’t. I can’t tell her until I’m sure of what I’m going to do next.” Jessica felt even more burdened by the situation after hearing Tiffany’s answer. She left the edge of the cliff and walked back toward her friend. “Why not just let yourself be happy, huh? Why not just open up to her like you’ve always done?” Tiffany hung her head low. “I know how easy it is to say something. I know how easy it is for me to open up to her. You guys know that, too. But what scares me is that right now... with these feelings of mine I don’t feel like it’s that easy to do those things anymore.” “Why? What’s hard about feeling happy? What’s so hard about telling her that she makes you happy?” “What is it, really? What is happiness? How come you sound so sure about it?” “Everyone knows what happiness is. It’s too simple not to understand. When you feel it then that’s it.” “Is it really that simple? Is it really just the feeling?” “What else could it be, Tiffany? What are you getting at?” Tiffany shrugged. “I don’t know. There just has to be something more to it. I’m not supposed to feel this uneasy if there wasn’t.” She bit her lip, thinking about what she just said. “But you’re right. She does make me happy.” “Then why is it so hard for you to tell her?” “Because there are such things as consequences! It’s not always about what I want or what she wants… And as long as I don’t understand what I’m going to get myself into or if I can work my way around rules, I’m not going to be stupid enough to make a move.”

Jessica blinked. That was her answer. Right then she knew she had to let Yuri stand as a protector for a little while longer. But compensating for the sad realization was a hint of hope. She decided to believe in Tiffany’s words: “I want her to be.” She knew that if there was something humans lived for, it was fulfilling a desire. It was just a matter of how long Tiffany would take to move toward it.

“Okay,” Jessica replied. “Please think it through.”

Tiffany nodded. “Love isn’t supposed to be complicated. But… I hope you get the answer you’re looking for,” Jessica whispered as she pulled Tiffany into an embrace. She poured every ounce of her apology into it, hoping that Tiffany would understand that she wasn’t out to put pressure on anyone. She was simply fed up with working behind the scenes, rooting for two friends without them knowing it. She had a life to lead, too, and part of it she had to share with the conflicted duo. She had her happiness to think about and when it came to Yuri, she just wasn’t as selfless as Taeyeon, the ‘martyr.’

“What about you, Jessi?” Tiffany mumbled into Jessica’s ear. “What about me?” “You have a lot of things on your mind, too, right? I can tell from the way you talk.” “Yeah. A few things, I guess. But it’s a secret.” “You said secrets break relationships down. Is our friendship going down that path, too?” Jessica shook her head, feeling Tiffany’s ear against her cheek as she did so. “Someone once told me that sometimes you have to keep things to yourself. Sometimes, you have to protect the people you love with lies.” “That’s just stupid.” “Maybe, but it has to work for now. We’re here to protect you and Taeng. Until you get your answer, I’ll keep this one simple thing from the both of you. You’ll understand why someday.” “Fine.”

The two pulled away and shared a few giggles. They had been too dramatic that they swore they were different people. The walk back to the lodge was filled with talks about shopping, how much they missed it and how much time they were going to spend doing it once their college lives start. Tiffany had one more thing to say before they entered.

“Can we keep this between us? I… I wanted to tell TaeTae, but…” “I understand.”

The door opened after their well-understood vow. Neither one knew how long they had been outside, but something told them they took a bit too long. Inside their lodge was Yoona pinning a silent Seohyun down on the floor by the wrists.

“Yoong! What the hell are you doing?!” Jessica stormed into the living room with heavy feet. Tiffany was right behind her, jaw dropping to the floor. “Hey Sica unnie!” Yoona greeted with a smile. “Don’t ‘Hey, Sica unnie’ me! What are you doing to Seohyun?”

“Nothing. I’m just practicing mouth-to-mouth with her,” Yoona explained. “What the—Where are the others? I can’t believe they let you do this!” “Sica unnie, it’s okay,” Seohyun muttered from under Yoona. “Seobaby! Stop saying such things!” Tiffany crouched down next to her dongsaeng. “What the heck were you two thinking?!” Jessica pulled Yoona off of Seohyun and had her stand at a far corner. Then she helped Tiffany pull Seohyun up from the floor. “Yoong, I leave for one second and this is what you do? Seriously, what the hell?” Jessica continued her scolding. “Really, unnies, it’s okay,” Seohyun told Jessica and Tiffany once more. “If it’s for the sake of Yoona unnie’s knowledge then it’s fine. I’m actually happy that she’s so enthusiastic about learning now. She’s been too lazy to study lately so this is an improvement.” “Yeah, unnies,” Yoona added with a smirk. Tiffany sighed. “You don’t really think that that’s the only thing she’s after, do you, Seobaby?” Seohyun blinked. “Unnie, I don’t think Yoona unnie plans to take advantage of me in any way. She isn’t like that.” Jessica turned to Yoona while Tiffany and Seohyun were talking. “How many times did you do it?” she whispered. “Once,” Yoona answered. “But unnie, I really didn’t mean anything bad. I just…” she finished with a sigh. “We’re going to have a talk, okay, Yoong? You can’t go around playing like this, understand? This isn’t funny.” “Yes, unnie.” Jessica walked back to where Seohyun and Tiffany were standing. “Seohyun, I don’t want this thing to happen again, okay? I know you two were just playing around, but there are other people around you, too. Got that?” “Yes, Sica unnie. I’m sorry,” Seohyun answered with her head down. “Good. Tiffany, you okay?” “Ye-yeah. Thanks. I’m gonna check on TaeTae for awhile,” Tiffany replied. She left for the room where Taeyeon was sleeping and found the door closed. She was about to knock.

“Come on, Taeng! Tell us why you’re meeting her!” “What the hell? I don’t have to tell you guys anything!” “Oh! I get it! You little secret-keeper! You really are seeing her!” “No! We just agreed to talk about something. Get off of my back already!!”

Tiffany knocked. “Guys?”

From behind the door, she heard footsteps and more giggling. It was finally opened by a smiling Hyoyeon. She found Taeyeon lying flat on her stomach on the bed with Sunny sitting on top of her back as if to trap her. “Hi, Ti-ppany!” Taeyeon struggled to wave with her barely mobile hand. “Hello!~” Sooyoung and Sunny chimed in. “Uh, what are you guys doing?” Tiffany asked. “Playing with Taengoo~” Sunny replied with a big smile. Apart from being normally happy, the thought of teasing Taeyeon about Sunmi was giving her another energy boost. “Where did you and Sica go?” “Yeah,” Sooyoung added, clutching a pillow to her chest. “You could have come back with snacks, you know?” “Sorry. We went down a random path so I didn’t know—Wait. You know, while all of you guys were in here, Seohyun just got into some kind of trouble.” “Trouble?” Hyoyeon asked. “Our sweet, sweet Seobaby?” “Yes.” “With who?” Sunny asked. “Wait. Don’t tell me. It was Yoong wasn’t it?” “Yes!” “So?” Sooyoung raised an eyebrow. “Yoong does those things all the time for goodness’ sake! What was it this time? Bug in Seohyun’s hair? Prank calling Seohyun’s cellphone? Tricking Seohyun into drinking alcohol?” “Oh. That was a good one!” Hyoyeon pointed out with a laugh. “So what was it, Fany-ah?” Taeyeon asked, still squished under Sunny. Tiffany frowned and approached the bed. “Sunny, get off, will ya?” she ordered. “Okay, okay,” Sunny submitted. “Man, Fany. You are one scary chick when you glare. Sheesh.” She rolled off of Taeyeon and landed on the empty space on the bed. “Looks like someone is being possessive of her TaeTae again,” Sooyoung teased, recalling her encounter with Tiffany earlier that morning. Taeyeon sighed with a click of her tongue. “Sooyoung,” she mumbled as she faced the tallest. “What?” Sooyoung shrugged. Tiffany sat next to Taeyeon who was still on her stomach. She felt around and under the sheets. “Omo! Now you’re touching Taeng everywhere!” Hyoyeon said with widened eyes. Tiffany giggled. “Yeah, right. Very funny.” Taeyeon turned to Hyoyeon next with a frown that seemed to say ‘You’re killing me here.’

“Got it,” Tiffany said with a smile. She had the small book in her possession once again. “I’m sorry, Fany-ah.” Taeyeon quickly sat up. “I didn’t know it was here. Did we ruin it or something? I’m sorry.”

Tiffany shook her head. “Nope. Don’t worry about it. I left this here on purpose anyway. I’m gonna put it back in my bag for a sec, okay?” “Okay.”

Tiffany left the room and was about to enter Jessica and Yuri’s room when she heard low murmurs from inside. She wanted to listen in again but after what she heard earlier, she decided not to. There were too many questions left hanging already and she didn’t have enough clotheslines for each and every one.

“I guess I’ll read for awhile,” she whispered to herself. “There’s gotta be some loophole or something.”

CHAPTER 24 It was the cold room again.

“Tell your dongsaeng to behave, will you?” Jessica told Yuri after she dragged Yoona to their room. She settled herself on the bed and grabbed a pillow to hug. Yuri had just finished folding her clothes. She turned to her dongsaeng. “What did you do now?” “Nothing,” Yoona replied. “I was just learning mouth-to-mouth with Hyunnie.” Yuri scratched her head. “For what?” Yoona stared at her feet and then back at Yuri. “Hyukjae oppa’s story was inspiring. I think I want to be a lifeguard, unnie!” “For real?” “Yes!” Yuri walked over to her dongsaeng and whispered into her ear, “Man, that was good, Yoong. Why didn’t I think of that?” Yoona tilted her head to the side so as not to show Jessica how she and Yuri were conversing. “Well, what can I say, unnie? I learned from the best.” “You betcha! That was good, Yoong! Like, beyond good!” “Gosh. You’re embarrassing me, unnie.”

Yuri had been too repressed. As a good friend, she kept her hands to herself, only occasionally giving Jessica kisses on her cheek when they had their alone time. Now that she heard about Yoona’s clever act, she just had to praise her dongsaeng for a job well done.

“Seriously, Yoong. I feel like treating you to a drink or something.”

“Omo! Unnie, the last time we did that, I got grounded.” “Well, we’re out here so no one’s gonna find out.” “Hey! What are you guys whispering about? I heard ‘grounded,’” went Jessica’s stern tone. Yuri turned to her girlfriend and laughed. “Uh, yeah. I said if she does anything stupid again, I’d tell her parents and she’ll get grounded.” Jessica raised an eyebrow. “Really now?” “Yeah.” Jessica patted the spot next to her on the bed. “Yoong, come over here.” Yoona walked over and sat down. “Yes, unnie?” “Were you trying to steal a kiss?” “Huh? No way!” “What did I say about lying, hm? Did your Yuri unnie teach you that again?” “No, unnie. I was just having fun with Hyunnie and besides, being a lifeguard could be fun.” “I’m going to ask you one more time, Yoong,” Jessica continued, looking Yoona straight in the eye. “What were you trying to do?”

Yuri was standing by, observing how Yoona was breathing, trying to determine if there was something more to the story.

“Unnie, I’m sorry for causing trouble. I just…” Yoona started with her head hung low. She couldn’t talk with Jessica peering into her soul with unflinching eyes. “I’m going to miss you both and I think I’m just being like this because I want to hear your voices more. I want to have as many memories of both of you before you leave me even if they’re all about you getting mad at me, shouting at me or hitting me. I don’t care how bad it is. I just want to spend more time with you guys. I’m really, really sorry. I know I’ve been a burden.” “You don’t need to get in trouble to get our attention, Yoong. Just talk to us,” Jessica replied as she ran her hand through her dongsaeng’s hair. “Yeah, you silly kid!” Yuri added. “And don’t drag Seohyun into your pranks unless...” Yoona looked up at Yuri. “Unless what, unnie? She likes being dragged into my pranks and I like her so…” Jessica quickly cupped her dongsaeng’s cheeks and turned her head so they would be face to face again. “What the—Yoong! What are you talking about?!” Yoona replied with a smile. “Yuri-ah! What the heck have you been putting inside her head?” “What? Me? I didn’t tell her anything! I didn’t even know she liked Seohyun!” “That’s right, unnie,” Yoona said, still with a smile. “Yuri unnie doesn’t know anything. This is just me.”

“Since when?” Jessica asked, close to panicking but appearing more curious. “I don’t know. I just do. She’s the kind of person I wanna be with just like how Yuri unnie has you.”

Silence.

Jessica sighed. “What do you know, Yoong? About me and your Yuri unnie?” “That Yuri unnie loves you! She tries to make you comfy and she does everything you say. I’ve known her from since we were little and she has never ever stopped being dorky for anyone. Except you, Sica unnie. But come to think about it, she’s an even bigger dork when you’re around.” Yoona scratched her head. “Well, whatever. That’s it. She loves you a whole lot! I can see that.” Yuri poked her dongsaeng’s forehead. “Tsk. Yoong, you better not be thinking of using Seohyun just to be like me.” “You sound so boastful, unnie,” Yoona replied with a giggle. “Hm, I don’t want to take advantage of her and I don’t know if this is about being like you, unnie. But I like her. I get confused when I try to answer ‘why’ so I’ll leave it at that. I’m too lazy to figure it out anyway. That’s it. I like her. I like Seohyun,” she finished with her chin up, proud of easily letting it all out. Yuri felt like face-palming herself. “My gosh, we are surrounded by drama! Please think about this first, okay?” Jessica released her dongsaeng’s cheeks and exhaled. “Does she know?” she added to Yuri’s statement. Yoona shook her head. “But I plan to tell her soon.” “No,” Yuri quickly answered. “Do it after this vacation. Please. We can’t have Taeng distracted. It would be bad if she saw you guys when she can’t even get the girl who’s right in front of her. I hope you can hold it until then.” “I understand, unnie. I’ll try not to hurt Taeyeon unnie.” Yuri patted Yoona’s head. “I’m sorry for being selfish like this, Yoong. I just don’t want to see anyone hurting.” She turned to Jessica with dim eyes. “I’m sorry, too, Sica.” “Don’t apologize to me, you dork. You’re not doing anything wrong. I love you for being like that. Understand?” Yuri laughed. “Yes ma’am.” “Ooooh! Sica unnie loves Yuri unnie! Cheesy!~” Yoona cheered. “Shut up, Yoong!” Yuri slapped her dongsaeng’s arm. “No one has to know yet, okay? If you don’t keep your mouth shut, I’ll steal your Hyunnie away from you!” “Omo! Unnie! Don’t!” “What the hell, Kwon Yuri?! You’re planning to cheat on me, huh?!” “No, no! That was just a joke, Sica baby!”

While the cold room was filled with hearty laughter, the room across from it still held the discussion regarding Taeyeon’s mysterious meeting with Sunmi, which Taeyeon quickly diverted to something about Tiffany. “Fany sure is taking awhile,” Taeyeon mumbled. “Go after her,” Hyoyeon answered. “You know you want to!” “Yeah~” Sunny added, teasing. Taeyeon threw pillows at the two. “I don’t get you guys!” she said with a frown. “You push Sunmi and me together and now you’re back to pairing me up with Fany. What do you guys really want?” Sooyoung threw the pillow back at Taeyeon. “We’re just trying to see if you still like her. Duh!” “Sunny, did you tell them about what we talked about?” Taeyeon asked. “I felt they had the right to know, Taengoo.” “Fine. But get this straight: I said I wouldn’t confess, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love her. Nothing’s changed. I’m doing this because… because I don’t want to send her to hell or wherever it is that they take bad people. Understand?” The trio giggled. “Since when have you become so dramatic, Taeng?” Hyoyeon threw another pillow at Taeyeon. Taeyeon blocked it with her arm and frowned. “I’m being serious here.” “Yeah. Too serious,” Sunny replied with a wink. “Well, since you’re being serious, there’s such a thing as purgatory, you know?” Sooyoung informed as she turned to Taeyeon. “A what?” Taeyeon asked, a hint of frustration in her tone. “Purgatory. It’s where—Never mind. Sorry about that.” Sooyoung sat beside Taeyeon and massaged her shoulders. “You should relax for now. We get where you’re coming from, you know? So how about this? We leave you alone starting now. We won’t tease you anymore. Would that make you feel better?” Taeyeon sighed. “There’s no catch?” “Nope. We’re going to leave you, Tiffany and Sunmi alone. Promise. Right, guys?” “I guess so. But now what are we going to do for fun?” Hyoyeon said. “Let’s hold a swimming contest tomorrow!” Sunny proposed, straying away from the talk. “Thanks guys,” was all Taeyeon could say. “Well, you don’t sound cheered up.” Sooyoung patted Taeyeon’s head. “I bet you loved it more when we were teasing you, huh?” Taeyeon shook her head. “Of course not!” “Really?~” Sunny started to tease again. “Yeah, really.” “Bet you would’ve killed me this morning for bashing Fany, though. You held yourself back, didn’t you? I bet you wanted to hit me or something.”

Taeyeon remained silent. “What’s the matter, Taengoo? Can’t hit me because I’m too cute?” Sunny continued. The she gave Taeyeon a wink. Taeyeon laughed. “Are you seducing me or something?” “Oh! Now you think you’re hot stuff, huh?” “I didn’t say that. You did.” Hyoyeon and Sooyoung were secretly enjoying the two’s conversation. They exchanged glances of amusement, Sunny stood on top of the bed and pointed at Taeyeon. “You are so over your head right now!” Taeyeon shrugged. “You’re the one who’s over my head! You enjoy standing there so you’re taller than me? Huh, shorty?” Sunny poked the side of her mouth with her tongue. It was a habit of hers. “Who are you calling shorty? Shorty!” Taeyeon laughed. “Why you little—” “Woah!” Sunny almost fell over after being tackled by a joking Taeyeon. They rolled off the bed and landed on the floor with a thud. “Omo! That hurt!” Sunny cried out. “Ready for more, shorty?” Taeyeon jokingly threatened.

The two sprinted around the room with big laughs, a hint of simple happiness in their tones. Finally, they felt like enjoying themselves, like part of their worries had somehow been relieved. How true that was didn’t seem to be an important matter at the time. Taeyeon and Sunny ended up resolving their fake fight by jumping on the bed.

“Hey! Let’s see who can jump the highest!” Sunny announced. “You’re on!” Taeyeon replied. “Okay!” Sooyoung cheered. “I’m gonna beat you guys for sure!” The three were happily jumping up and down the bed, cheering and just having fun. They left their worries on the ground and reached for the ceiling like reaching for the stars. For the first time during their vacation, they felt like kids again. Except for one. “Guys, the sheets will get ruined!” Hyoyeon tried to calm her friends down. “Join us, Hyo!!” they urged. “No way! You’re going to break the bed! Get off!” “You’re being an ahjumma again, Hyo!” Sooyoung said with a laugh. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” “Ahjumma! Ahjumma! Ahjumma!” Sooyoung chanted.

“Take it back!” “No~ Ahjumma! Ahjumma! Ahjumma! Ahju—OMO! MY HEAD!!” There was a sudden burst of laughter when Sooyoung’s head hit the ceiling. She had jumped too high. Or maybe she was too tall. “I wish we had a camera!” Hyoyeon continued to squeeze every ounce of fun out of the situation. “We do have a camera,” Sunny informed. “It’s right there inside my bag.” “Oh! Cool! Ha! I got you now Choi Sooyoung!” “No! Don’t take a picture of me like this!” Sooyoung pleaded as she sat at a corner, tears forming in the corner of her eyes. “I still have those wounds from our last fight! Taeyeon! Save me!” Taeyeon laughed, still jumping up and down the bed with Sunny. “I don’t wanna.” “I get these two to stop teasing you and this is how you repay me?!” “I thanked you, didn’t I?” “You ingrate!” “Omo! That’s a big word, Sooyoungie!” Sunny continued to tease the poor girl. “Yah! You shorties are going down!” Sooyoung charged and pinned the two down on the bed. “Get off!” “Hey! Watch where you’re touching!” Hyoyeon was smiling like a maniac. “So many pictures to take! Yeah~”

The chaos went on until evening while Yuri, Jessica and Yoona took naps and Tiffany and Seohyun were comfortably reading in the living room. It was decided that Yuri and Seohyun would buy dinner from their Heechul unnie after concluding that if Sooyoung and Yoona were to go, they would all be left broke.

It was a normal dinner: no ruckus, no Taeyeon-Tiffany or Taeyeon-Sunmi teasing. Everyone was strangely well-behaved.

Back at the room across from Jessica and Yuri’s room, the trio was in the middle of a discussion, seated in a small circle on the bed.

“What was up with that, Sooyoungie?” Sunny asked. “You suddenly called it off.” “I don’t have a problem with it. Honestly, I was feeling kinda guilty already,” Hyoyeon added. “Nothing’s gonna make Taeng feel better except Tiffany and—” “Look,” Sooyoung put a hand down on the bed, “Tiffany could like Taeyeon. Really. Maybe we were all wrong about this ‘Tiffany has rules’ thing.” “What makes you say that?” Sunny asked. “I just have a feeling. Don’t you guys see it, too? The way she holds on to Taeyeon so much?”

“Yeah, but that could mean anything.” “Whatever. What I’m saying is, if there’s that possibility then let’s leave it to them to make it happen. If Tiffany’s taking her time then let’s let her take her time.” “And what if she isn’t, huh? What if there just isn’t anything?” Sunny questioned. Sooyoung shrugged. “Then that would be none of our business, too. Who knows what she has in mind, right?” “Didn’t Sica talk to her already?” Hyoyeon pointed out. “Maybe she knows something.” Sooyoung lied down. “I don’t care. That’s between them. Let’s leave it.” Sunny frowned. “What do you mean let’s leave it?” “I’m tired of trying to protect Taeyeon. And besides, like she said before, she’s not gonna confess. That’s her choice. The fact that she made one means we’re out of the picture. Let’s give her back her freedom, okay?” Sooyoung replied. “We could at least be of some support for her and Tiffany again,” Hyoyeon added. “No. It’s out of our hands. If Tiffany really does care about Taeyeon then let’s wait for her to say so. I don’t wanna play matchmaker anymore. Both of them are just too stubborn and the way we’re getting in between them is causing so much unnecessary drama that even I feel like we’re not on vacation anymore,” Sooyoung replied. Sunny was silent. Sooyoung poked Sunny’s back. “Come on, Soonkyu. Let’s stop.” “If we don’t push Taengoo the other way, she’ll crash into something sooner or later. And I still doubt Tiffany’s going to help,” Sunny replied. The tinge of anger from earlier that afternoon was still welling up inside her. Sooyoung sat up and stared Sunny in the eye. “You know what, you’re just as worse as Tiffany’s rules.” Sunny laughed. “Ha! Me?” “Yeah, you!” Sooyoung answered. “It’s so ironic that you feel bad about Taeyeon being stopped by something like God when you’re the one who’s playing Him! You’re giving her all these limits and you set Tiffany aside like she’s being evil or something. I know you don’t want anyone to get hurt, but you’re going about it the wrong way!” “Oh! So you think you know better just because you know what her rules are and what purgatory is and all that crap, huh? Well, sorry if I can’t relate that well!” “Shut up! That’s not what I’m saying! I go to church, too, but I’m not claiming I know any better just because I do! It doesn’t mean I agree with everything I’m taught!” “Then stop accusing me of something I’m not even aware of doing!” “I was just telling you what I thought because you’ve been going too far with this ‘let’s help Taeyeon’ thing! It was just a comparison!”

That was the last straw. Sunny was about to explode. “If you think you’re so good and holy and I’m the bad one here then why did you even agree to that plan about Sunmi?! You were practically the one who started it!” “I did agree! I’m not denying that! But at least I’m taking it back now! I just sense how uncomfortable it is for everyone and that’s why I suggested that we stop! It’s not because I’m trying to appear good and holy!” “Then why did you even—”

Sunny couldn’t continue. She held her breath and felt her lips stiffen. She could see Hyoyeon from the corner of her eye. The latter was merely blinking, stuck to the scene in front of her. What just happened? She asked herself. She remembered talking and then feeling her cheeks turn hot because of the intense debate with Sooyoung. Then there was a sudden swoop and her lips were somehow captured.

She forcefully pushed Sooyoung away and got the feeling in her lips back. “What the heck was that for?!” she screamed, emptying herself of more anger and confusion. “To show you that I’m not trying to be good and holy!” Sooyoung screamed back, frowning.

Sunny slapped Sooyoung across the face. The collision was loud enough to produce an echo – or maybe the room was just too silent – and Sooyoung was left with her head turned to the side. She felt a few stings after Sunny’s palm left the surface of some of the cuts she got from Hyoyeon earlier.

“Relax, Soonkyu,” Sooyoung mumbled, unable to talk properly because of the aftershock. “Let’s just leave it.” Sunny was silent again. She had successfully let out part of her anger, but on the wrong person. She was struggling to keep her breathing in check. Sooyoung faced the girl she ambushed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—” But Sunny didn’t have enough patience to reason. She rushed out of the room, anger still written on her face. Sooyoung and Hyoyeon exchanged silent glances.

Meanwhile, outside, Taeyeon stood aghast by the couch. She barely saw Sunny bolt toward their front door.

“Should we go after her?” she asked Tiffany who was once again skimming through her book. “Who?” Tiffany asked back. She appeared to have been too absorbed in her reading. “Sunny,” Taeyeon replied. “She looked mad.”

“Maybe Sooyoung and Hyo pranked her or something.” “Yeah. Maybe.” Taeyeon’s eyes were set on the door. “I think I’m going to go after her.” “I’ll go, unnie!” Seohyun volunteered. She left the book she was reading on the floor and stood up. “Take care, Seobaby,” Tiffany advised, looking up momentarily at her dongsaeng. “I will,” Seohyun replied. She turned to Taeyeon and mouthed: ‘talk to her.’ Taeyeon sighed but nevertheless nodded at their dongsaeng’s request.

Seohyun left after giving Taeyeon a reassuring smile. The two were once again left alone, outside of the main scene, perhaps destined to converse in secret.

Taeyeon sat back down and slouched on the couch. She tried to rack her brain for things to mention. A few stolen glances at Tiffany made her nervous and, not to mention, agitated. She loathed awkward silences with Tiffany.

“TaeTae?” “Yeah?” Tiffany felt the same loathing. “Mind if I ask you something?” she asked, still looking at her book but no longer reading the lines. Taeyeon shrugged. “Sure.” Tiffany marked the last page she read with a red string and closed her book. She faced Taeyeon. “Are you seeing someone?” “What?!” went Taeyeon’s immediate reply. She was shocked. “Are you?” Tiffany asked. She felt her throat throb as she talked. She managed to hide the uneasiness behind a smile. “Well? Are you?” “No!” “You’d tell me if you were, right?” “Ye-yeah. Of course.” “Thank you.”

There was a moment of silence. Tiffany stared down at the book on her lap. She brushed its spine with her thumb, already feeling guilty about lying. She didn’t want to show Taeyeon a smile when she was angry. She didn’t want to settle for Taeyeon’s ‘no’ when she clearly heard their friends talking about ‘seeing someone.’ She didn’t want to stay quiet at all.

“Fany-ah…”

“Yeah?” Tiffany asked, gripping the small book. She had a bad feeling about how Taeyeon said her name. “I’m sorry.”

For a second, Tiffany couldn’t speak. She felt her throat go dry. Images of Sunmi flooded her mind: Sunmi’s purple shirts, Sunmi’s wide smile, Sunmi’s hand in Taeyeon’s, Sunmi mouthing Taeyeon’s name. An untapped source of anger was once again flaring. Don’t tell me you’re really seeing someone, she thought. She was about to change the topic when Taeyeon looked into her eyes.

“Hey…” Taeyeon muttered. “Wh-what?” Taeyeon smiled. “I was a jerk for yelling this morning, right? I’m sorry.” Tiffany breathed in, relieved. The Sunmi display in her mind shattered. Without hesitation, she pulled Taeyeon into a tight hug. “It’s okay. Just don’t…” “What is it? Don’t what?” Tiffany shook her head. Don’t leave me. “Let’s just forget about it.”

Finally aware of it, Tiffany was holding both Taeyeon and her small book. It was then that she felt more compelled to choose between the two. Still in the embrace, she snuck a peek at the book she was holding against Taeyeon’s back.

“Please help me be humble. Help me get rid of this envy and clear my mind of malice. Sunmi’s a good person. I don’t mean to feel hatred toward her. Please forgive me. Please…”

CHAPTER 25 “Sohee-ah! Can you help me with something?” Sohee slowly turned her head toward the doorway where Sunmi was standing. “With what?” “What would be a sweet thing to do?” Sohee sighed. “Get over here so you don’t have to shout. You’re going to bother everyone in the next room.” Sunmi closed the door and sat on the spot on the floor just next to Sohee’s bed. She eyed her friend’s reddish skin and sighed in worry. Then she spent a few more minutes thinking to herself about sunscreen “Sunmi-ah, what were you asking?” “Ah. I was asking about a sweet thing to do.”

“For what? Be more specific.” “For ummas!” “Ummas? Uh, do the chores for her or something. Mothers love that.” “No, no. I’m sorry. I meant what would be a sweet thing to do for a date here at the beach.” “How can ummas be connected to a date at the beach? Are you seriously awake, Sunmi-ah?” Sunmi pouted. “Yes, yes! Now please tell me something to do for a date.” Sohee wanted to roll on her side to inspect if Sunmi wasn’t sleep talking. Unfortunately, her condition didn’t allow her to do so. She sighed and lied still while talking. “Like for boyfriends and girlfriends? You should ask Sunye unnie. Not me,” she advised. “No. They’re not like that. They aren’t together.” “Who aren’t?” “Ehh! Don’t ask. Just tell me! What would be a sweet thing to do?” “Fine. Uh, so they’re just friends?” “Something like that! Hurry!” “Uh, watch the sunset?” Sohee blurted out after recalling a drama she used to watch. “But that would be so cliché! Wait. Let me think of—”

“Sunmi! Get over here! I’m turning the lights off now!” went Yoobin’s voice from the next room.

“Omo! Unnie’s mad again.” Sunmi sprang to her feet in panic. She headed for the door. “Why don’t you just sleep here?” Sohee asked, trying to get up again. The pain knocked her back down. “You don’t want to?” “I thought you would never ask! Thanks, Sohee-ah!” Sunmi said, holding the door open. “I love you!” “What the—Fine. Get me some juice then, will ya? Since you’re by the door already.” “Okay~ Juice it is!”

The sixth lodge stood farther away from the main beach, barely reached by the rumbling of the waves, barely visited by the menacing dry morning air. Only the light crowned its aging roof: warm sunlight in the morning, calmer reddish streaks at the onset of the evening and a silver blanket throughout the night.

Once a bright ray of light herself, a figure from the ninth lodge found herself at a spot far from her own shelter.

Like it had become a trend, Sunny decided to pace before the waves, similar to what Taeyeon was doing earlier that day. She was at fault and, partly, she decided to admit it, which caused the

remaining part of her to float in a sea of her anger, of her resentment directed at both herself and the people she failed to help.

This is what’s hard about wanting to be happy. Sometimes you have to make other feel it before you feel it for yourself. In the end, we’re all selfish. We smile while someone else fakes it. And what’s worse is we’re willing to do anything just to feel happy. What is ‘happy’ anyway?

Sunny giggled. It was obviously out of desperation. “It’s something I’m not right now. That’s for sure.” She was beyond frustrated, beyond feeling the urge to throw things around, beyond the whole idea of sanity. It took one voice to bring her back to her senses. At least, temporarily.

“Unnie!” “Hey,” Sunny replied. “What are you doing out here?” “Just cooling my head. I’m sorry for running off.” “Are you okay now? Taeyeon unnie is worried about you.” Sunny laughed. “I should be the one telling her that. How is she?” “Fine, I guess. I left her and Tiffany unnie to talk.” “Ah.” Sunny diverted her gaze to her wet feet. It was unlike her to lose herself to herself. She bet that her dongsaeng noticed that. “Who knew I would stoop this low? Am I a monster, Seohyun? Have I really gone too far with trying to help?”

Seohyun smiled. “All of us feel like that, unnie. Even I feel like I’ve been meddling too much with just the occasional, accidental eavesdropping. And yes, I think that we’ve done enough for Taeyeon unnie. The best we can do for now is to give her some space. I bet she feels strangled already. Besides, our goals and hers aren’t that clear anymore. It seems that things have gotten to that point where it’s not just about getting the girl. We should let them figure that out on their own.” “Just like what Sooyoungie said… That idiot.” “Well, yes. Sooyoung unnie can be idiotic sometimes, but she means well. I’m sure that she has reasons for whatever it was that she did to anger you.” “Yeah, right. And those reasons are idiotic, too.” Seohyun raised an eyebrow. “What exactly happened, unnie? Is it okay to ask?” “It’s not worth your time, Seohyun. She was just being a big idiot.” “If it’s not worthy of my time then you shouldn’t be using so much of your own to hide it.” Sunny giggled. It was genuine this time. “Good point, smartypants” “Thank you.”

Sunny took her dongsaeng’s hand. “Let’s go back. I have some apologizing to do. I’ve been an idiot, myself.” Seohyun nodded. “I’m glad you realized it then.” “Hey! No need to agree so fast!” Seohyun laughed. “I’m sorry, unnie. I didn’t mean any harm by saying that.” “Yeah. I know.”

The two walked back to the ninth lodge, hand-in-hand. Standing by the front door, Taeyeon was the first to ask.

“Where the heck have you been?” “Just went off to cool my head,” Sunny replied. Seohyun released Sunny’s hand to give her and Taeyeon some privacy. She retired to the living room, leaving her unnies with the company of the outdoor evening breeze. “What happened?” Taeyeon continued to ask. “I’ll tell you tomorrow. It’s a long story,” Sunny replied. She wanted to assure Taeyeon of her full compliance to Sooyoung’s idea but felt the need to leave out the ‘Sooyoung kissed me’ part. “You better! Or else I’m going to jump on your bed again and break it!” “Hey. Don’t push it, shorty!” Taeyeon laughed. “Sorry.” Inside, Seohyun met Tiffany on her way to the room across from Jessica’s. She greeted with a wave. “You’re back. Where’s Sunny?” Tiffany asked. “Outside with Taeyeon unnie.” “Is she okay?” “I think so.” “Did she tell you what happened?” Seohyun shook her head. “She just said something about having apologizing to do.” “I see. Well, I’m sure you’re gonna go to bed now. Good night, Seobaby.” Seohyun smiled. “Good night, unnie.” Tiffany bit her lip. “Wait.” “Yes?” Without uttering a word, Tiffany wrapped her arms around her dongsaeng. She didn’t care if Seohyun was going to ask why. She had no answers anyway. She just wanted to hug her dongsaeng. “Unnie, if you want to talk, tell me, okay?” Tiffany nodded, her chin brushing against Seohyun’s arm.

“Don’t wait until you feel like breaking down because way past that... just talking won’t make you feel better.” “Thanks,” Tiffany muttered in reply. “I just needed someone to say something. All I’ve been hearing all day is me in my head. I hope you don’t mind me holding on to you like this.” “Of course I don’t mind. Also, maybe you can—No. Never mind. We should get some sleep, unnie. Today was pretty tiring.” Seohyun gently pulled herself away from Tiffany, dismissing the thoughts of convincing her to hold on to Taeyeon instead. She said it herself, after all, that she had been meddling too much. She didn’t want to go on doing that. “You’re right. Good night,” Tiffany replied with a smile. “Good night, unnie.” Seohyun disappeared into the nearby room; Tiffany made her way to the living room. “Fany.” “Sunny. Hi. Are you okay?” Sunny nodded. She rubbed the back of her neck and sighed. “Fany-ah, I’m sorry.” “Huh? For what?” Sunny sighed once more. She stared at her feet. Tiffany was in her head again. Apologizing to do, huh? But why me? “I’m sorry, Fany-ah,” Sunny repeated, her voice slightly trembling. “Uh, but you didn’t do anything—Oh wait! Is this about the joke you told everyone except me?” Sunny appeared clueless. She looked up at Tiffany. “What joke?” “Never mind. I guess that’s not it.” Tiffany giggled. Sunny felt her insides melt. It’s been so long since we talked like this. “I miss you, Fany-ah.” “Really? Well… Uh, I miss you, too. We’ve been together every day since the beginning of the week, though. Hm, are you feeling homesick or something?” “No, no. That’s not it. I just… I just miss you. I’m sorry for not being there for you.” “What are you talking about? You’ve always been there for me,” Tiffany countered. She had no idea why they were having this conversation. “What happened to you anyway? Are you really okay?” “Yeah. I am. I think I’m just sleepy. Sorry about my blabbering.” Sunny scratched her head and tried to look into Tiffany’s eyes. She wanted to sincerely apologize, but revealing the reason would probably damage Taeyeon’s current relationship with Tiffany and she didn’t want that. “Anyway, I’m sorry again.” “But I don’t know why you’re apologizing. I really can’t remember what you did wrong.” “I’m sorry for that, too. Good night.”

Sunny left for the same room Seohyun entered, leaving Tiffany guessing about what she was talking about. Taeyeon was already lying on the floor when Tiffany got to the couch.

“Since when did it take you so long to brush your teeth?” she asked. “I was talking to Sunny,” Tiffany replied. “What did she say?” “She apologized. But I don’t know what it was for.” Taeyeon hid a smile. “That’s good,” she mumbled, recalling Sunny brutally blaming Tiffany for things that were beyond her control and knowledge. She was glad that Sunny realized a mistake. “What was that, TaeTae?” Tiffany asked, preparing for Taeyeon’s reiteration. “Nothing.” “Oh. Okay.”

It was once again time for slumber. The pressures of the day knocked the two girls down. Thoughts lingering, they tried to end another day and welcome a new one. What good it would do them, neither knew.

“Good night, Fany-ah,” Taeyeon said, already nestled on her spot on the floor. She strained her back after her first experience but couldn’t care less this time. She was that tired. “Good night, TaeTae.” Taeyeon closed her eyes, trying to image the rest of the week she had to spend with Tiffany in the very living room they occupied, with her on the floor and Tiffany on the couch just inches away from her. She asked herself how close they were permitted to be, how much she could stand before another outburst. Being this near can’t be good for me.

“TaeTae?” Taeyeon opened her eyes, postponing her journey to dreamland. “Yeah?” “I’m sorry.” “For what?” “I don’t know. For this morning?” “Don’t apologize for something if you don’t know what you did.” Tiffany sat up. Her gaze moved down to the girl on the floor. “But Sunny did it,” she replied, wanting to make a point. Taeyeon groaned. “That’s different. She knows what she did… probably. You’re the one who doesn’t know what she did.” “I’m still sorry, though.” Taeyeon beamed. She appreciated the apology but found no comfort in it being offered to her. It wasn’t going to change anything. “I’m gonna get you back with what you said: Forget it. That’s how things heal.” Tiffany pouted. “You dork.”

“Yeah. I’ve been told so many times today,” Taeyeon muttered. There was a trace of gloom on Tiffany’s face. Despite Taeyeon’s being discreet, or lack of intent thereof, she heard the last line and couldn’t help but feel uneasy. She wanted to ask how many times Taeyeon was called a dork, how, when, where, who called her a dork. What have you been up to? “Fany-ah, good night.” “Uh, yeah. Good night.” Tiffany lied back down, returning to the cozy embrace of the couch. “Sweet dreams,” Taeyeon added. “Thanks. I haven’t been dreaming lately.”

Taeyeon went back to trying to sleep. She sent her thoughts away for the meantime. If she was going to spend the rest of their vacation in one piece, she needed strength. Aside from the wellmaintained supply of energy she stored for the basic daily routines, she needed to replenish a whole gallon of patience. Her outburst drained her of that.

“TaeTae, still awake?” Tiffany asked as she turned her head to the side, facing Taeyeon. Taeyeon stirred from her pre-sleep state and yawned. “Yeah. What is it?” “Have you been dreaming?” Taeyeon thought back to the past few days. The definite answer was ‘yes,’ “Yeah. I have.” “What about?” You, Taeyeon answered in her thoughts. “Gummy worms.” Tiffany laughed. “What happened?” “They led me to a rainbow.” “You must have the best dreams, don’t you?” Taeyeon thought back again. She only had memories of Tiffany. Even in her unconsciousness, the girl’s image pervaded through and through. “Yeah. I do. Sometimes I wish I could just sleep all the time.” “Omo! Like Jessi?” Tiffany replied with a giggle. “Not that much!” Taeyeon defended. “Just enough for me to feel that my dreams are real… I guess.” Tiffany sighed. She recalled the blanks she had been seeing in place of moving pictures. It didn’t make her like Taeyeon’s idea of sleeping all the time. “You know, dreams that come true aren’t really dreams. If you’re looking for something real then it’s nowhere but here.” But all I dream about is you. Does that mean you’re not real? The thought confused Taeyeon even more. “I’m sorry,” Tiffany continued. “That must have sounded depressing, huh?” “A little bit,” Taeyeon replied.

Tiffany faced the ceiling. She smiled. “We have this whole week ahead of us. After this, we’re going to be busy again. Maybe too busy to have talks like this or even too busy for a simple greeting. Maybe even too busy to be depressed. Who knows, right?” She paused. In an effort to cheer Taeyeon up, she reminded herself that she was pressed for time as well. She needed to make a decision but kept the thought to herself. “Well, I say we make the most out of this! We went here to have fun, didn’t we?” “Yeah. You might be right,” Taeyeon replied. She stood up and gave Tiffany a smile. “Want me to turn off the lights?” “No. Just leave them on.” “Okay.” Taeyeon lied back down. The solid ground seemed to have softened. “Good night.” “Good night,” Tiffany replied.

The light was blinding, something she was learning to despise. At the same time, she held on to it, hoping it would be a semblance of a guide, hoping it would somehow make her journey easier so she would have a chance to dream of an answer. Like that small book, it restrained her movement, but served as the very reason why she could move. The irony was something she had to bear for now.

“Sometimes you protect the people you love with lies.” That’s what Jessica said. Is that what I’m doing to you, Kim Taeyeon? Am I really protecting you or am I just being selfish?

Tiffany rolled on her side. She got a clear view of Taeyeon’s sleeping figure. “I love you,” she whispered. She sighed and closed her eyes. It’s the truth but I can’t stand up for it… or even say it’s right. If I tell you now, it’ll be worse than lying.

“Sweet gummy worm dreams, TaeTae.”

CHAPTER 26 Slumber had ended for her. Again, there was nothing in her unconsciousness that proved to be of any use to her. She felt like laughing at her naivety. Of course. I need a real answer. It has to be nowhere but here.

The ceiling greeted her, bathed in orange and faintly blurry. She rubbed her eyes to rid them of ‘eye boogers’ as the youth called them. Then she propped herself up on her elbows. Reclined, she recalled the day before when she woke up to emptiness. She quickly turned her attention to the floor.

She sighed in relief. “Good. She’s here.”

Taeyeon was rolled on her side, her hair hanging in front of her face. Tiffany left the couch and crouched down next to the sleeping figure. “Good morning, sunshine,” she whispered. There was no response. She smiled, recalling how Taeyeon loves it whenever she does. She brushed Taeyeon’s hair back, revealing a pair of closed eyes, milky white cheeks and slightly parted lips. The sight sank into her, making itself part of treasured memories.

After turning the lights off, she returned to the couch and lied down. She mumbled her daily thanks and decided to succumb to another round of sleep. She took one last look at Taeyeon’s sleeping figure. I know it’s unfair that I don’t want you to leave me when I haven’t been doing my best to hold on to you. It’s just that… if I decide to hold on, I’m going to have to use both hands. That means I have to let go of something to get you, Kim Taeyeon. I need to know what that something is worth.

Another day, another impossible thought to overcome.

She woke up a second time and found herself alone. Taeyeon had slipped out from under her nose again.

“No time to be depressed, no time to be depressed, no time to be depressed,” Taeyeon chanted.

She was off on another walk by the beach. She decided to start on some real thinking. Tiffany was right. After their short vacation, they would be too busy. Maybe too busy to talk or too busy to listen. I guess I just have to show her then.

The beach was stunning, unlike any of its forms from the previous days. The water appeared clearer, shallower if she squinted hard enough. She dipped her feet in it, let it wash over the sand that had accumulated in between her toes. It felt nice. The mountains in the distance hovered above the blue stretch, their silhouettes mere smudged imprints on the rippling waves.

“Tiffany umma…” she mumbled to herself. “Sounds good.”

She laughed, took in a new breath of fresh morning air and felt herself become lighter. If I can’t take the time to think then I’ll make time to do something. Anything.

She began her walk toward the lodge that stood farther from the rumbling of the sea – the one that was crowned with light, like a safe haven.

She knocked on the door. It was opened by a smiling Sunye. “Ah. Taeyeon. Good morning.” “Morning,” Taeyeon replied. “I know it’s early and all but is Sunmi awake yet?” Sunye looked over her shoulder. “Uh, no. She isn’t yet, but—” “Oh. Okay. I’ll come back later then.” “No. Come in. I’ll wake her up for you.” “That’s okay. Really. I’ll drop by later and—” Sunye laughed. “Let’s go. Get in here.” She opened the door wider and pulled Taeyeon in. “You sure this is okay?” Taeyeon asked. “Of course. Yesterday, she told us you would be coming sooner or later.” “Oh. Okay then.” “Sit down for awhile. I’ll go get her.” Taeyeon sat down on the couch and nodded. “Sunye, who was knock—Oh. Taeyeon. Good morning.” Ye Eun had just arrived from the kitchen. She had a glass of water in hand. “Morning,” Taeyeon greeted. “Keep her company for awhile, will you,” Sunye told Ye Eun. “I’m gonna wake Sunmi up.” “Okay,” Ye Eun replied. She settled herself on the spot next to Taeyeon on the couch.

With Sunye gone, Taeyeon and Ye Eun sat apart, sips from the glass of water the only sound they had between them. “So… is Sunmi okay now?” Taeyeon asked. Ye Eun took another sip of her water. “Yeah. She is. Yoobin unnie threatened you, didn’t she?” she asked with a giggle. “I deserved it,” Taeyeon humbly replied. “What happened anyway?” “Sunmi didn’t tell you?” “Well, she said you guys talked yesterday but didn’t say anything after that. I heard her and Sohee talking last night though so I dunno if she knows anything.” Taeyeon bit her lip. “But whatever you guys talked about, I’m glad it cheered her up. Thanks,” Ye Eun continued. “Sure,” Taeyeon replied for formality’s sake. “No problem.” “Cool. So, what are you here for today?” “Me?” Taeyeon pointed to herself.

Ye Eun giggled. “Yeah. You.” “Oh. I, uh, just came to talk to her about… something. Yeah. Just… something.” Ye Eun took another sip of water. “Is this about fish again?” “Fish? Oh! No, no. But I apologize for that. I mean, I didn’t mean to make her go home with dirty hands.” “Dirty hands, huh?” Ye Eun raised an eyebrow. “Smelly hands! Not dirty… not dirty as in perverted dirty. I meant—” “Taeyeon, relax. I get it.” “Right. Sorry about that.” “It’s okay. You really are as jumpy as Sunmi said you were.” “She said that?” “Yeah. With a big laugh.” “That silly kid.” Ye Eun nodded. “Silly is right.” “Hey, guys. She’s on her way.” Sunye had just returned to the living room. “Sorry if I took so long. When she’s asleep, she’s really asleep,” she continued. “That’s true,” Ye Eun emphasized as she turned to Taeyeon. “That’s fine. I can wait.” “You better,” Sunye said with a giggle. “She never dolls herself up for anyone so I guess it’s worth the wait.” “You’re so lucky you don’t get to see her messy side,” Ye Eun added. Taeyeon nodded with a smile. “Morning, Taeyeon unnie!!” went the familiar cheery voice. “Morning, Sunmi—Woah!!” “I knew you would decide to do it!” Sunmi exclaimed as she rushed into Taeyeon’s arms. The latter was utterly awestruck. “Woah there, missy,” Sunye told her dongsaeng. She pulled Sunmi by the collar of her shirt and had her stand up straight. “You can’t go attacking people like that.” Sunmi grinned. “Just greeting my Taeyeon appa.” “Appa?” Ye Eun questioned as she swirled the water inside her glass. “Nothing,” Sunmi chirped. “I’ll behave.” “You better,” Sunye replied. She pinched her dongsaeng’s nose. “We’re gonna leave you two to talk now. We’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything. Taeyeon, have you had breakfast?” “N-no, but it’s okay. I won’t take long anyway.” “You sure? I can save you a plate and you and Sunmi could eat together later or something.” “It’s okay. Thanks again.”

“Okay. See ya around.”

Sunye and Ye Eun left for the kitchen. Sunmi seated herself beside Taeyeon with a big grin “Why are you staring at me like that?” Taeyeon whispered, just in case Sunye and Ye Eun were still within hearing range. “I’m just excited.” “Uh-huh… Well, you know why I’m here, right? I guess we should get to planning.” “Aye, aye! Last night, I already tried to come up with ideas for a date and Sohee suggested—” “Sunmi, does she know?” Taeyeon quickly asked. The thought scared her. “No. Of course not. I figured you wouldn’t want anyone else to know.” Taeyeon exhaled. “Good. Thank you.” “No problem. Anyway, she said something about the sunset.” “Perfect!” Taeyeon punched her palm. “I have to make up for that time that Fany missed it!” “Really? Great!” “Okay! What next?” Sunmi bit her lip. “That’s kinda… all we could come up with. I’m sorry. It’s lame of me, I know, but—” “Hey. Don’t sweat it. The sunset’s a good idea! She might really appreciate it.” “But if that’s the only thing you’re going to do then you’ll only make her feel special during the evening. It has to be for the whole day! Like… every second or something.” “So I should put on a show for every second that she breathes?” “Exactly!”

Silence.

“Okay. It sounds impossible,” Sunmi concluded with a sigh. “It is.” “Maybe we should make it, like, for every hour. Would that work?” Sunmi proposed. “As much as I want to say yes, I doubt there are a lot of things to do around here. All there is around here are water, sand, trees… and stuff. We’ll go with the sunset idea. I guess it’ll work.” Sunmi grabbed Taeyeon’s hands and pressed them together. “Positivity, unnie! Have you heard of it?” “Yeah?” “Excellent. Keep it in mind. You’ll need it. Come on. Let’s get Tiffany unnie breakfast.” “Breakfast?” “Yes.” Sunmi pulled Taeyeon up as she sprang to her feet. “Lunch and dinner later, too.” “So I’ll be feeding her?”

“Do you have a better idea?” Taeyeon shook her head. “Thought so. Let’s go then.” They were already by the door when Taeyeon remembered her manners. “Wait. What should we tell your friends?” “Ah. I almost forgot about that.” Sunmi released Taeyeon’s hands. “Maybe I’ll just tell them you invited me to save fish again.” “Wouldn’t that be strange? They might think I’m psycho or something.” “Aren’t you?” Sunmi teased. “Am I?” Sunmi laughed. “Psycho for Tiffany unnie, yes.” Taeyeon smiled. “Fine. Go tell them then.” Sunmi ran off to the kitchen, leaving Taeyeon to cope with the hype. Here she was, aiming to be sweet and romantic. What she would get in return, there was no guarantee. But I’m doing it anyway. I really am crazy. “Done. Let’s go,” Sunmi said as she tugged on Taeyeon’s hand.

Just like that, they were out the door. “The unnies enjoy teasing me. They’re so funny,” Sunmi told Taeyeon as they walked. “What did they say this time?” Taeyeon asked. “Something about dirty fingers. They said you mentioned it awhile back.” Taeyeon let out a nervous giggle. “That’s not something perverted, okay?” “I know that it just means smelly, unnie. Relax.” “Sorry.” “So where are we off to? Heechul unnie’s?” “Where else?” “There’s an ice cream shop nearby, too, if you wanna check it out.” “No. I meant—Fine. We’ll check that out later. Let’s just get something warm for now.” “If you say so. But really, the ice cream there is so—Hey, isn’t that Kangin oppa?” Sunmi pointed at a figure holding a big stick, one that was thick enough to be a baseball bat. Taeyeon squinted. There was no mistaking it. It was Kangin. She sighed, anticipating another business scheme. “Oppa!” Sunmi called out. “Hey! What’s up?” Kangin waved. “You guys wanna help us out here?” Taeyeon and Sunmi approached the strange set-up. It wasn’t a watermelon on the surfboard this time.

“A pumpkin? Seriously?” Taeyeon stared at the orange vegetable. Sunmi poked it with her big toe. “We think variety is important,” Kangin replied with a wink. “Right.” “Hey, Kibum! Gather the customers, will ya?” Kangin turned to his flustered dongsaeng. “Hyung, I can’t. I’m not good at shouting and—” “I said do it!” “But I can’t just—” “Excuse me?” Taeyeon’s ears perked up. She knew that voice and that familiar clinking whistle. “Hi there. Taeyeon, right?” “Right,” Taeyeon replied. A sudden bolting occurred in her chest while she talked. She recalled how the lifeguard was on familiar terms with Tiffany and that she didn’t know how or why. “Hey there, Mister Lifeguard.” Kangin put an arm around Siwon’s neck. “Care to try hitting the pumpkin? For a small fee, of course.” Siwon calmly pulled Kangin’s arm away from his neck and gave a casual smile. “I was just going on my morning rounds and I couldn’t help but notice this strangely-shaped object from a distance. By any chance, were you the ones who caused the formation of the huge crowd yesterday?” Kangin proudly replied. “Yes! That was us—Ouch!” Kibum elbowed Kangin’s side. “Hyung! He’s gonna—” “I’m going to have to ask you to clear out.” Siwon took the words right out of Kibum’s mouth. “This is an illegal venture,” he continued. “You don’t have a permit and this sort of thing could be dangerous for the other beach-goers.” Kangin put on a smile. It was a business man’s best asset. “Can’t we talk about this? You know, do a little bargaining?” Siwon was silent. “O-kay. How about this?” Kibum snatched the stick from Kangin’s grip. “Would you like to try hitting the pumpkin? This one’s on the house. You know, just let out some of that frustration.” “I don’t know about that,” Siwon replied. “Go for it, oppa!” Sunmi cheered. “Nah. Really, I don’t—” “Don’t tell us that those muscles are just for show,” Kibum went on with his wordplay. “I bet you can crush this pumpkin with one hit!” Siwon chuckled. “Okay. I’ll give it a whirl.” Kangin was secretly thanking Kibum in his thoughts.

Meanwhile, Taeyeon took Sunmi’s hand and started taking little steps. She didn’t want to further involve herself with another hitting game. As much as she wanted to freely converse with the friends they made at the beach, she had more important things to do. “Don’t make a sound,” she whispered. “Okay, unnie, but… uh…” “What is it?” “You’re squeezing my hand too… oww… too much.” “Oh.” Taeyeon loosened her grip. “Sorry. Bad habit.” “I understand.”

The two appeared to be on their way, successfully escaping from the pumpkin group. But right then, Taeyeon faced another familiar face. “Hi there!” “Teukie oppa!” Sunmi greeted. Taeyeon released her dongsaeng’s hand. “Hi! Uh… little girl,” Teukie greeted back, clearly uninformed of what Sunmi’s name was. “Please call me Sunmi.” “Right! Sunmi. Got it. So what brings you guys out here?” “We’re going to Hee—” “We’re just taking a walk,” Taeyeon interfered. She knew that any mention of Heechul’s name would trigger another talk about the bet between the two pairs. “Ah.” Teukie nodded. “Just the two of you? Where are your friends?” “They’re still asleep so I took Sunmi with me.” “Cheating on your blind date partner, huh?” Sunmi giggled; Taeyeon nudged her dongsaeng. “Sorry,” Sunmi muttered. “Uh, no,” Taeyeon told Teukie. “Look, we gotta go.” “Sure. Oh. Wait a sec. Do you guys want to go on a cruise with us?” Teukie asked, a wide smile plastered on his face. “A cruise? Uh, I dunno. I have a lot to do today,” Taeyeon replied. “Well, it isn’t until after lunch, but I decided to have a bar party on a yacht. Maybe invite a few people and charge them an entrance fee and stuff. Get some cash rolling or something.” “But didn’t you already spend a lot renting the boat and buying the drinks?” “Yeah, but if we double the charge for the drinks, I bet we can make a profit. Besides, we’ll be in the middle of the sea! What’d be left for the people to do but buy and buy and buy drinks, right? It’s foolproof!” “I think I’ll pass. Thanks for the invite, though.”

“Thanks, oppa, but I’m a minor,” Sunmi added. “Oh darn! I forgot about minors,” Teukie mumbled to himself. “Thanks again, oppa,” Taeyeon repeated. “Good luck with organizing it.” “Oh well. Thanks. If ever you change your mind, we’ll be at the left side of the beach at around one or so. Think about it. I’ll let you guys get in for free, if you want. As thanks for helping us out before.” “We’ll think about it. See you around.” “See you.”

Teukie went on his way, probably toward the pumpkin group. Sunmi was teasing Taeyeon with a mischievous smile.

“Why don’t you take Tiffany unnie on the cruise?” “I’ve thought of that,” Taeyeon replied. “But if there’s really gonna be a bar and drinks and all that stuff, I bet my friends would wanna get wasted. I don’t want that.” “But you know, you could get Tiffany unnie drunk and then you can—” Taeyeon poked the side of her dongsaeng’s head. “Don’t even think about it!” “What do you think I was thinking, unnie?” “I dunno. Something perverted?” Sunmi giggled. “What, I’m wrong?” “I was thinking you could get her drunk and carry her home. That’s a sweet thing to do, right?” “You and your imagination—” “—are gonna make you and Tiffany unnie the happiest umma and appa ever!” “We’ll see.”

They arrived at the stall. As usual, the chalkboard greeted them. Surprisingly, though, there was no Heechul unnie.

“Here for breakfast?” Hankyung asked. “Where’s Heechul unnie?” Taeyeon asked back. “Yeah! I wanted to see him!” Sunmi added. Hankyung gave a hearty laugh. “Well, you’re just gonna have to settle for me today. He said he’s going to be late.” “Okay. We’re actually in a hurry. Uh, what have you cooked already?” “The usual: rice cakes, noodles. I’m in the middle of toasting bread, too.” “I’ll get everything.” “Everything?”

“Yes,” Taeyeon confirmed. “O-kay. Customers are always right, they say. Just a minute.” Hankyung left for the kitchen. “Unnie, shouldn’t you have asked for one meal?” Sunmi asked. “Well, I think I’ll get my friends breakfast today. A lot of things happened yesterday and I feel like I’ve caused a lot of trouble. I wanna make it up to them.” “That’s what I like about you, unnie.” “What?” “That you’re a kind person.” “Thanks.”

After completing the preparations, Hankyung had every serving of rice cakes, noodles and toast wrapped. He handed Taeyeon the plastic bag. “I put everything in there so that’s more than nine servings. Is that okay?” “Yeah. My friends eat twice as much as grown men anyway.” Hankyung laughed. “I hope nothing goes to waste.” “So how much—Wait.” Taeyeon paused upon discovering the emptiness of her pocket. “Darn. I forgot my wallet.” “That’s fine. Pay for it later,” Hankyung assured. “You sure?” “Yeah.” Taeyeon bowed. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’ll be right back after I give this to the others.” “I’ll be waiting,” Hankyung replied.

The walk back to the ninth lodge proved to be quick. Taeyeon made sure of it by taking bigger steps. She didn’t want Hankyung to wait long for her payment. She turned to her dongsaeng before opening the door.

“You okay, Sunmi? You haven’t been saying anything.” Sunmi stared at the plastic bag Taeyeon was carrying and then back into Taeyeon’s eyes. “Are you serious about this, unnie? About making Tiffany unnie feel special?” “Of course. Why? You’re suspecting me of doing something wrong?” “I just want to make sure you’re not chickening out. I mean, if you got everyone breakfast then how is she going to feel special?” “I have my ways. Thanks for worrying, though. I appreciate it. No one’s chickening out. This is… Well, I do admit that this is my only chance. I have to show her—” “Kim Taeyeon!”

The door swung open. “Where have you been—Eh? Sunmi?” “Good morning, Tiffany unnie,” Sunmi greeted. Taeyeon opened the door wider with her free hand and gestured for Sunmi to enter. Once everyone was inside, she closed the door behind her. She poked Tiffany’s cheek. “Smile.” “Huh?” “Smile.” Out of reflex, Tiffany did. Her ears were as red as tomatoes. “Hee~” Taeyeon teased with a grin. “That’s the spirit, Ti-ppany. Anyway, mind if you keep Sunmi company for awhile? I’m just gonna fix these in the kitchen. We bought breakfast.” Tiffany frowned. “You bought breakfast?” “Yes.” “You and,” she turned to their dongsaeng, “Sunmi?” “Yes,” Taeyeon repeated. “Anyway, I’ll be in the kitchen.”

Left alone in the living room with Sunmi, Tiffany didn’t have much to say. She surprised even herself. “Unnie, you wanna sit down?” Sunmi asked. “Uh-huh. Sure.” They settled themselves on the couch, a reasonable amount of space in between them. “You seem mad, unnie,” Sunmi turned to Tiffany. “Me? No way.”

Being the observant one, Sunmi took everything in: the patch of orange light on the couch’s arm, the half-open window, Tiffany’s tone. Something told her she had stumbled upon danger. She sighed. “So… unnie, you like toast?” Sunmi asked. Tiffany smiled. “Toast? Yeah. Sure.” The uneasiness was indescribable. “Unnie, are you really okay? Is it me?” “No! Of course not!” Tiffany giggled. “Uh, I think I’ll just go check the kitchen. Be right back.”

Tiffany left the living room, the heat weighing her down. She took a breath before stepping into the kitchen. She wasn’t so sure about what to say. Words have been leaving her since earlier that morning. A missing Taeyeon wasn’t always a convenient thought, after all.

“So you bought breakfast?” she started, eyeing the meal packs Taeyeon was arranging on the dining table.

“Yes. How many times are you going to ask me that?” Taeyeon replied, her eyes still set on the food she was handling. Tiffany shrugged. “I don’t know. Hey, why’d you leave this—” “Look, I gotta go,” Taeyeon abruptly replied. She grabbed a familiar piece of cloth from the backrest of one of the chairs surrounding the dining table. “Here’s your apron. Tell the others they can eat. My treat. I just gotta go for awhile.” Tiffany held her pink apron with one hand. She frowned. “Wait! Where are you—” “Sunmi! We’re leaving in awhile!” Taeyeon called out as she walked back to the living room.

Tiffany felt the heat get to her. It wasn’t what she was used to: being deprived of a reply, and by Taeyeon of all people. She took another deep breath and took the frustration out on the apron, squeezing the life out of it, not that it had one in the first place. She didn’t care. It was better than punching a wall.

Tiffany was about to follow Taeyeon when the latter appeared briefly inside the kitchen, waving her wallet.

“Just gotta pay for breakfast. Wait for me before you eat, okay?” “You haven’t paid for this?!” Tiffany exclaimed, pointing to what was on the dining table. “Gotta go walk Sunmi home, too. Later!” Taeyeon replied before disappearing from view. Tiffany heard the front door close.

She left. Again. Tsk.

CHAPTER 27 The half-open window remained. Tiffany stared at it, imagining breaking the glass and stabbing herself with a broken piece. She obviously didn’t wake up on the right side of the bed or, rather, the couch. It’s not like the couch has another side to wake up on anyway, she thought.

“Breathe, Tiffany. Breathe.”

She did and it was not that helpful.

She heard Taeyeon’s voice from outside through the half-open window. If she had known about the unexpected visitor, she would have chosen to retreat to the bathroom. It was one thing being forced to be blind, but being so susceptible to hearing what she did not want to hear was on another level of unfair. She diverted her gaze from the half-open window to the small book she had in her hand.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered. She closed her eyes. She had prayed about her anger toward Sunmi. She had asked for forgiveness. It was time to do it again. She knocked. “Guys! You awake? I just need to fix my things.” “Yeah! Get in here! We have something to tell you!” went Yuri’s voice.

Tiffany opened the door and found Yuri and Yoona pulling Jessica out of bed. The two each had one of Jessica’s hands.

“What are you guys doing?” she asked. “We’re going on a cruise!!” Yoona revealed. “Yeah!” Yuri added. “Taeng said Teukie oppa invited us for free!” “Wait. On a cruise? Free? Teukie oppa?” “Yes, yes and yes!” “When did this happen?” Yuri and Yoona had already managed to pull Jessica up to a sitting position. Yuri looked over her shoulder to reply, “Taeng came in here to get her wallet and she just told us about it. There’s gonna be a bar party, too!” Tiffany was still in the middle of processing. “Bar party? With drinks? Really?” “Yeah!” “Which means you can treat me to that drink, Yuri unnie!” “What drink?!” Jessica bellowed. “Nothing!” Yoona defended.”Wake up, unnie! We’re going on a cruise!” “Yeah, yeah! I’m up! Let go of my hands!” Yuri and Yoona did as they were told; Jessica proceeded to standing up. “No drinks for you,” she told Yoona. “Come on, Sica. It’s not like she can’t—” “She can’t!” Jessica cut Yuri off. Tiffany laughed. “Guys, relax. You’re like her parents or something.” Yuri and Jessica exchanged glances. “Hey!” Yoona skipped toward Tiffany. “Tiffany unnie, let’s go wake the others up, okay?” “Oh. Okay,” Tiffany replied. “Wait. Gotta put this back first.”

She crouched down next to her bag and returned the small book inside one of its pockets. She noticed Taeyeon’s bag, one side-pocket almost turned inside out. She must have been in a hurry. Great. Just great.

Tiffany and Yoona left the room afterwards, leaving Yuri and Jessica to laugh at how they were acting.

“Hey, Sica umma,” Yuri teased. “Shut up. I’m not that old.” “Being an umma doesn’t mean you’re old.” “Oh really?” Jessica whispered. She put her arms around Yuri’s neck. “So what does it mean?” Yuri flashed her toothy grin. “Ummas get kisses from appas. That’s what it means.” Jessica giggled. “That doesn’t make sense, but,” she continued in a whisper, “maybe you can explain?” Yuri traced Jessica’s cheek with her thumb. Her body was throbbing. “I love you.” “I know.”

Yuri replied with another smile. Then she kissed Jessica’s forehead. For mere seconds, they were a couple again, until she pulled away and signaled the start of their pretending for the day.

“Let’s get breakfast,” Yuri said. Jessica sighed. “Yeah. Let’s go.” Outside, their friends were gathered in the living room. The cruise was the current topic. “A cruise?!” Hyoyeon said in delight. “Like, right now?” “It’s after lunch, unnie,” Yoona answered. “Hey, guys. What about breakfast?” Yuri asked. Jessica was standing right behind her, trying to be as cheery about the cruise. “Apparently, Taeng bought breakfast,” Hyoyeon revealed. Yuri laughed. “Man, Taeng is doing a lot today.” “Yeah,” Tiffany mumbled. She was sitting beside Sunny on the couch with her arms crossed on her chest. “With Sunmi. Isn’t that just great?”

Silence.

“O-kay,” Yuri said, uncertain of how to react to Tiffany just said – particularly to how she said it. “We’re gonna go check on the food.” She pulled Yoona in by the arm, aiming to escape. “Good. Make sure Sooyoungie doesn’t pounce on you in the kitchen. That idiot,” Sunny added in a mumble. Yuri wasn’t too oblivious to not notice the anger fest. She didn’t want to get caught up in it. Jessica being upset was already a letdown. “Right. We’re gonna go now. Let’s go, Yoong.” “But I—Hyunnie! Come with us!” Yoona pleaded.

“Okay—” “Nuh-uh.” Jessica retorted. She placed an arm around Seohyun’s waist. “She stays here.” “But unnie, I—” “I said stay here. Okay?” Jessica repeated. Seohyun nodded, fearing her unnie’s glare. “Fine. Let’s go, Yoong,” Yuri concluded, already pulling Yoona toward the kitchen. The latter was left distraught.

Left with conflicted friends, Hyoyeon was thinking positively about the cruise. After the previous evening’s event, she didn’t think anything could be worse. She stared at the mumbling Sunny, sensing the troubled aura. She wanted to ask but realized how awkward it would become. The silence was something that disturbed her as well.

“Tiffany, you said you were going out, right?” she asked instead. “Right. I think I should go. Thanks for reminding me, Hyo.” “No problem. Where are you going?” Tiffany replied with a smile. Her friends didn’t buy it. Regardless, she was already up and rearing to leave through the front door. “Take care,” Jessica advised, replacing Tiffany on the spot on the couch. “Yeah. Thanks.” “And…” “Yeah?” Jessica shook her head and smiled. “Nothing. Relax. Okay?” she continued, already aware of what was troubling Tiffany. How she mentioned Sunmi’s name was enough of a clue. “Sure.” The front door closed, leaving them with one less friend to talk to inside the living room. Sunny was unexpectedly quiet. Jessica decided to ask. “What’s the matter with you?” “Nothing,” Sunny answered. “You’re mad.” “I’m not mad.” “You don’t hide it that well.” “And you’re not good at hiding your tone, either. What is it with you nowadays? Seriously.” Jessica shrugged. She turned to Seohyun. “Sorry about sounding mad awhile ago. I was just playing around.” “I understand, unnie,” Seohyun replied, remembering how Jessica was with her and Yoona the day before. “Thanks. So… what’s up with Taeng and Sunmi? They went out or something?”

“Seems that way,” Hyoyeon answered. “We don’t wanna ask. We decided not to get involved, right, Sunny?” “Uh-huh. Sooyoung’s idea. Don’t ask, Sica.” “Since when? Not that I’m not okay with it or anything. I mean, it could be good for them… and us.” “We talked about it last night. It was kinda out of the blue and stuff.” “And I’m guessing this is why you’re mad? That you’re not helping Taeng anymore?” Sunny bit her lip then laughed. “That’s not it. It’s just that my dignity got spoiled.” “I’m not following.” “Try having your first kiss stolen then.” Jessica blinked. “Someone kissed you?” “That idiot…” Jessica almost burst into laughter. She held it in. “Oh my—Sooyoung kissed you?!” “You tell Sica but you wouldn’t tell our Seobaby? Tsk tsk, Soonkyu,” Hyoyeon added, stroking Seohyun’s back. “Cut me some slack! It’s embarrassing!” Sunny defended. Seohyun smiled. “It’s okay. I think I get why. Excuse me.” The three unnie’s watched the youngest head for the kitchen. They exchanged glances. “You think she’s upset?” Sunny asked Hyoyeon. “No doubt about it.” Jessica leaned back on the couch. “Secrets, secrets, secrets. Amazing.” “Like you don’t have any?” Sunny raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t say that.” “Let’s hear some then.” Jessica laughed. She rubbed her chin. “Forehead kisses depress me.” “What kind of secret is that?!” “Something you can laugh at Miss I-Got-A-Kiss-On-The-Lips. You’re lucky.” “I wouldn’t say that,” Hyoyeon interrupted with a laugh. “Someone got slapped because of it, after all.” “Whatever. So what are we gonna do now?” “About what?” “About Sunny and Sooyoung.” “I’m sitting right here, you know?” Sunny pointed to herself. “Which is good. You can contribute your ideas,” Jessica replied. “Are you being sarcastic?” “Not at all.” Jessica sighed. “So what now? Are you guys like… together now? Or something?” “No!”

“Okay. Tell me when you are.” “We won’t ever—” “So I can have something else to be mad about.” “Huh? What was that, Sica?” “I’ll be in the kitchen. Follow me if you want to apologize to Seohyun, too.” Jessica took her leave without letting Sunny finish. Like Tiffany, the heat was getting to her. I can’t be with my girlfriend and she gets a kiss from a friend. That’s just great.

Words had been flying all around. Not everyone was willing to catch them.

“Try not to be so awkward, will you? It was just one kiss,” Hyoyeon advised, throwing another pitch. “Yeah. Sorry,” Sunny replied, catching the point. “I should just talk to her about it or something, right?” “Yes. You should’ve done that last night, actually.” “But she was asleep.” “She was so faking that. She waited for you to come back, you know? She wanted to apologize.” “Then why didn’t she apologize this morning? We practically woke up at the same time.” “Gee, I wonder why.” Hyoyeon scratched her head. “Oh. That’s right! You flat-out ignored her!” “I didn’t!” “Uh-huh. Yeah. You did.” Sunny sighed. “I am such a jerk today! What the hell?!” “Well,” Hyoyeon patted Sunny’s back, “let’s start fixing that by apologizing to Seohyun. She was there for you last night so I think she deserves more from you.” Sunny nodded. “Yeah. Let’s go.” The two left the couch and headed for the kitchen. “Man, girls are so complicated. Tsk,” Hyoyeon muttered. “Like you’re not a girl?” Sunny laughed. “Sometimes I wish I wasn’t. Drama all around is tiring!” “You can say that again.” “Drama all around—“ “I didn’t mean that literally.” Hyoyeon smiled. “I know.”

The living room talk transferred to the kitchen where the girls started with apologies while thoughts kept within the living room leaked out into the open beach where Tiffany was roaming. She had another kind of apology in mind.

“Tiffany. Uh, hi.” “Good morning, Sunye. Is Sunmi here yet?” Sunye held the door open again. She wasn’t expecting another visitor. “Not yet. She went out with Taeyeon—” “Yeah. I know. I just thought she would be back by—Anyway, thanks. I’ll get going.” “Do you want breakfast? I’m cooking another round.” “That’s okay. I’m having breakfast with Taeyeon so… Well, thanks again. Sorry for disturbing your cooking time.” Sunye smiled. “No problem. See you around then. Happy breakfast.” Tiffany turned to leave. She was considering continuing the search. They could still be at Heechul unnie’s. Or by the waves, walking? She was starting to get paranoid. She walked nonetheless, hoping it would do her some good. “I am not jealous…” she muttered. “Not jealous.”

But of course she was.

Again and again, she apologized for it. Sunmi wasn’t doing anything wrong and she knew that. Taeyeon wasn’t doing anything wrong, either. And me? I’m not doing anything. At all.

She went on with her walk, barely recognizing what part of the beach she had reached. Ignoring that fact, she let herself float. She hovered above the sand, emptying herself slightly of her irritation. The sweat on her nape trailed down to the small of her back. Those on her forehead trickled down to her cheeks. She brushed them away with the back of her hand, blocking her eyes from the sun simultaneously by doing so.

She squinted to avoid straining her eyes. She opened them again upon reaching shelter in the form of a tree. Her vision was still faintly blurry, but she managed to recognize a familiar figure walking ahead of her.

“TaeTae,” she whispered. “Is it near here?” she heard Taeyeon say. The latter seemed to be talking to someone. Tiffany took a few steps forward, following Taeyeon and another figure toward a row of palm trees. “Yeah. It’s really awesome! I bet you’ll love it!” went Sunmi’s voice. Tiffany stopped. She sighed. I’ll wait for you back at the lodge, TaeTae.

And she did.

Her friends were still in the kitchen partaking of the feast Taeyeon provided them when she arrived. She stopped by to say hello and then disappeared into Jessica’s room. She sought the company of her small book.

Ah. Here it is.

She had bookmarked a page the night before. It contained the two lines that she read over and over while she sat on the couch beside Taeyeon. She read the lines again, each word shattering her hopes of holding the girl she whispered ‘I love you’ to. Though she strongly felt how much three words could outweigh two sentences, in reality the latter meant more. It wasn’t merely a string of words. It was beyond worldly understanding, beyond human understanding. She thought she could doubt it because she couldn’t understand it fully. On the contrary, she believed in it even more.

Her conviction could have been plain old stubbornness if she was to ask others. But for her it was faith. And ever since she could remember, she had been holding on to it. Before she met Kim Taeyeon, before she realized the burning passion that melted their friendship.

She sighed.

She didn’t know why she was still turning the pages. She didn’t know why she was still praying for answers when she was obviously going against the One she was praying to. She didn’t know why she didn’t know anything.

She heard a knock.

“Tiff, can I come in?” went Jessica’s voice from outside. “Sure.” The door opened, revealing Jessica with a piece of toasted bread in hand. “You don’t wanna eat?” Tiffany shook her head. “She told me to wait for her.” “Oh. Well, she sure is taking awhile.” Tiffany shrugged. “Yeah. She must be having too much fun.” Jessica seated herself on the bed. She gestured for Tiffany to join her. “You’re jealous,” she said. “I’m not jealous,” Tiffany replied as she sat down.

Jessica took a bite of her toast; Tiffany watched her chew. “So what if I am?” Tiffany mumbled. “Tell her. Duh.” “And then what?” “And then you two can become a couple. Oooh! Doesn’t it sound like fun? Hm?” Jessica replied with a grin. It quickly dwindled into a frown. “Sorry. I was being sarcastic.” “I kinda figured that out.” Tiffany giggled. “What is up with you?” “I told you I would keep it a secret for now, right?” “Ah. Right.” “It’s good that you remember. Anyway, so what are you still doing here? Go after Taeng and tell her!” Tiffany raised the book she was holding. “So that’s what keeping you from saying you love her, huh? Great!” “Jessi, sarcasm really doesn’t work for you,” Tiffany revealed with knitted brows. “You gotta stop.” Jessica took another bite of her toast, rolling her eyes. “It really doesn’t work.” Tiffany laughed. She set the book aside and eyed what remained of Jessica’s toast. “I’m hungry.” “Oh. Do you want my toast?” Jessica held it in front of Tiffany’s mouth. “Ooooh. It smells good, doesn’t it? Makes you wanna say ‘I love Taeyeon!’ Right? Right?” Tiffany frowned. “You are so weird today. Are you mad or something?” “Me? Mad? No. What makes you think that?” “You’re really scaring me.” Jessica retracted her arm and finished the rest of her toast. “Sorry. I’m just wondering when you two are gonna be together. That’s all.” “You really think this is okay?” Tiffany asked. She bent backwards, letting her lower back touch the soft mattress. “Gee. Let me think about that… Uh, no. I’m sitting here with you saying you shouldn’t tell Taeng you love her. Uh-huh. That’s what I’m here for. I’m here to—” “Jessi…” Tiffany muttered. Jessica sighed. “Sorry. I’ll stop.” “Thanks.” “Well, no one’s against the idea of you two together. You’re the only one who says so.” “’Cause I don’t know what to do.” “Of course you know what to do: Tell her.” “After that, I mean. It’s not like it’s gonna be as easy as pie.” “Just think about it. It’s simple, really.” Tiffany let herself fall on the bed. Her hand brushed against the small book. Simple. Right.

Jessica stared down into her friend’s eyes, bending over slightly. “Nothing’s gonna happen if you don’t do anything.” “And something good’s gonna happen if I do?” “Well, not something good. I mean… who knows? At least something will happen. You won’t be like this, lying around, telling yourself you’re not jealous when it’s clear from just the way you talk and—” “Just like you?” Tiffany grinned. Jessica blinked. “You’re jealous of something… or someone, aren’t you?” Tiffany continued. “No.” Tiffany sat up. “Well, well… Sooyeon’s got love problems.” “Shut up, Miyoung.” Tiffany laughed. “Oh. You have crumbs on—” Jessica quickly wiped her mouth, blocking Tiffany’s hand as she did so.

Silence.

Tiffany’s hand was left hanging in mid-air, her gaze fixed on Jessica’s mouth.

“Uh... okay.” Jessica stood up. “Thanks for telling me I had crumbs—” Tiffany cleared her throat. “Ye-yeah. Sure. I’m gonna go wait outside for TaeTae and… uh… yeah. Bye.” “Bye.” Jessica replied. Tiffany was out the door faster than she could say it. It’s the heat. Yeah. The heat’s getting to her, Jessica thought to herself. She eyed the small book Tiffany left on her bed. She opened it and revealed a marked page.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

For some reason, probably a female’s intuition, she knew Tiffany had been thinking about those two lines. She somehow understood what consequences Tiffany meant. I really shouldn’t be reading this. She closed the book. Deeming it right, she put it back inside Tiffany’s bag.

CHAPTER 28 She sat on the lodge’s front steps, waiting.

She viewed the same scene: crashing waves, shuffling sand. Everything was a routine; maybe even more so than her schooling. She recalled craving for the beach. She recalled wanting to brush every text book off of her desk so she could trade them for train tickets. Now that she had seen the destination of her dreams for four straight days, she was trying hard to tell herself that she still wanted it as much.

Longing for you like this won’t be like that, will it? Once I get you, I won’t ever grow tired, will I?

The fear gripped her. Her feelings were questionable. She didn’t even know if she wanted them, if they were really from her, if she really was in love with a girl. She rubbed her left arm as if to warm it or to feel that it was there, existing – that she was existing. She was. The question was if she wanted to, amidst the complications. She sighed. She wanted the simple things back: wanting the beach, wanting school to be over, wanting train tickets. Those were her simple desires. Beneath them, though, was something more. There lied Kim Taeyeon. Within her red, beating prison was one name, one person. How did we ever get to this point?

She couldn’t remember.

“Ti-ppany!!” She stood up and waved at the approaching figure. “Taeyeon-ah!!” Taeyeon ran toward the lodge, smiling. “Sorry I took so long. Is your tummy growling?” she asked. Tiffany placed a hand over her stomach. “Awhile ago, it was.” Taeyeon pressed a hand on top of the hand on Tiffany’s stomach and pushed. “Ouch!” Tiffany cried out. Taeyeon laughed. “What, you’re having a baby or something?” “Yah! Kim Taeyeon!” “Sorry. Let’s go.”

They entered the lodge and went straight to the kitchen.

“You teased me and I teased you back! It’s all in the past. Forget about it!” Sooyoung’s hand landed on the dining table. “Hey, guys,” Taeyeon greeted. “Finally! You’re here!” Sooyoung said in relief. “Tell Sunny to talk to me, will you?” Taeyeon laughed. “Why is it that you get into a fight with everyone?” “We’re not fighting,” Sunny corrected.

“Then why aren’t you talking to me?” Sooyoung shook Sunny by the shoulders. “I am talking to you.” “Yeah, but not like you usually do.” Sunny shrugged. Taeyeon observed the two for another five seconds. Then she opened the fridge. “Tell Seohyun we borrowed a tumbler, okay?” “Okay,” Sooyoung and Sunny chimed in. “And we’ll take one of these.” Taeyeon grabbed a meal pack. She turned to Tiffany. “Let’s go.” “Huh? Where?” Taeyeon didn’t answer. She started walking to the front door. “Take care, guys,” Sunny reminded, though Tiffany was the only one still with them in the kitchen. “Thanks.” Tiffany replied with a smile.

She followed Taeyeon to the door.

“Where are we going?” she asked again. “Mind opening the door?” Taeyeon replied, dodging the question. “’Cause I can’t.” She held both hands up: one had the meal pack and the other had the tumbler. Tiffany stood firm with crossed arms. “Not until you tell me where we’re going.” “You sound just like Sunmi yesterday.” “Excuse me?” “Nothing. Just open the door so you can eat.” “What’s wrong with eating here?” “Nothing.” “Then why not just eat here?” Taeyeon sighed. She carefully balanced the tumbler on top of the meal pack and opened the door herself. “Just say yes. I’m doing this very delicate act of holding your food and Seohyun’s tumbler for you so why don’t you repay me by going with me, hm?” “I didn’t ask you to do it.” “Please?~” “No. Tell me where we’re going.” “You know, I’d poke your cheek again to make you smile, but I’m scared that I might drop this stuff and waste the food Hankyung oppa made, and the time I spent going to their stall, and the time I spent going back here to get my wallet, and the time I spent—” “Walking Sunmi home?” Taeyeon exhaled. “You’re mad.” “No. I’m not.”

“Yes. You are.” Tiffany let her arms fall to her sides. She could not believe she rendered herself so obvious. “I’m… I’m not mad.” “Look, if this is about me not telling you where I went this morning—” “It’s not about that!” “It isn’t?” Tiffany took a deep breath. It’s because I’m jealous. “I mean, yeah. That’s it. Well… part of it.” “Then what’s the other part?” “Nothing. Never mind that.” “Okay. So… I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you or anything so I didn’t tell you I was going out.” “Really? Honestly?” “Yeah.” Despite the outright answer, Tiffany could easily tell Taeyeon’s lies from her usual white ones. She smiled nonetheless. “Let’s go then. I’m hungry.” “All right!”

The two exited the lodge and started walking. Taeyeon had her hands full again, leaving Tiffany with nothing to hold onto. They walked side by side.

“You know, I woke up earlier than you,” Tiffany muttered as she kicked a mound of sand. Taeyeon turned to the girl next to her. “Really?” “Yeah. I just went back to sleep again.” “Did you dream this time?” “Nope. Did you see gummy worms again?” “Nope.”

The rows of palm trees were familiar. Tiffany recognized every trunk. She recalled passing them the day before and then just moments ago when she found Taeyeon walking with Sunmi.

“Why are you taking me here?” she asked. “It’s a good spot,” Taeyeon replied, Tiffany responded with silence. She remembered Sunmi telling Taeyeon: “It’s really awesome!” Aside from that, she already knew of the area thanks to her talk with Jessica. She stopped walking. “TaeTae, there’s a cliff at the end of this trail.” Taeyeon looked over her shoulder. “No. There isn’t.” “Yes. There is!”

Taeyeon laughed. “Wanna bet? If there is, I’ll jump over.” “What the—Don’t say stuff like that!” “And if there isn’t then you’ll let me treat you to lunch later, too.” “Lunch?! Wait. I’m telling you, there’s a cliff over there!” Tiffany pointed at the distance. A few more trees to pass and they would be at the edge she feared. “We just have to see who’s right then,” Taeyeon declared. “I don’t wanna see that cliff again. It’s scary!” “So you’ve been here?” “Ye-yeah. With Jessica. But that’s not the point here! I just don’t wanna go over there again.” Taeyeon continued walking. Tiffany took two big steps forward. “Hey! Don’t ignore me like that.” There was still no response. Tiffany grabbed a hold of Taeyeon’s arm. The latter seemed unfazed. “Talk to me,” Tiffany muttered, her fingers caressing the spot near Taeyeon’s elbow. “We are talking.” “Did I say something wrong?” “No. You didn’t. I didn’t tell you something about this morning and you didn’t tell me about taking a walk with Sica. Fair’s fair.”

Tiffany loosened her grip on Taeyeon’s arm. She recalled what Jessica said about secrets. I don’t want that to happen to us. Our relationship won’t go down that road. She traced down Taeyeon’s forearm until she got to her wrist.

“What are you doing?” Taeyeon asked, almost in a whisper. Tiffany took the tumbler with her free hand and slipped the other in Taeyeon’s newly freed one. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to keep secrets.” “We all have them so never mind. I’m not mad.” “I never said you were,” Tiffany replied with a giggle.

The conversation ended with that and their arrival at the said cliff. Taeyeon continued walking toward it, dragging Tiffany along.

“The view is nice up here, isn’t it?” she asked, replacing her blank face with a smile. “Yeah, but I’d rather we just stay over there,” she pointed to the last palm tree of the trail, “where, you know, we’re not inches away from certain death!” Taeyeon laughed. She took one more step forward. “The only way we’re going to die is if we jump off. Oh. That reminds me. Since there really is a cliff here, I just lost the bet.”

Tiffany took a step back, pulling Taeyeon backwards as well. “You’re crazy! If you meant that bet for real, you would be gone by now!” “I know I’m crazy.” “Well, I didn’t know. Stop saying nonsense, TaeTae. Let’s just eat.” “Whatever you say.”

The two seated themselves near the edge. Despite Tiffany’s grumblings, Taeyeon got her to agree, the view of the soothing water being the sole reason. Taeyeon opened the meal pack and used the chopsticks to carry the first piece of rice cake near Tiffany’s lips.

“Open.” Tiffany gave her usual eye-smile. “So you brought me here to feed me?” Taeyeon shrugged. “The rice cakes are delicious.” Tiffany opened her mouth and took the first bite; Taeyeon watched her chew.

Rice cake after rice cake, Tiffany started to feel more settled near the edge, like the daredevil within her had awakened. Unfortunately, she had other things to be scared of. Sunmi took you here, TaeTae. Why’d you take me?

The ball of orange was starting to rise above the clouds as if taking a peek at the couple. Its warmth spread across the area, past the water and into the depths. It was slowly approaching the rocky edge.

The noodles were left for last, right after the toasted bread. Taeyeon fed Tiffany those, too, and then closed the meal pack after it was emptied. After setting it aside, she took the chance to lie down on the ground.

“You’ll get yourself dirty,” Tiffany said, holding the tumbler near her chin. “We’re going to take a shower anyway. I mean, I‘m going to, you know---I meant separate showers for…” Taeyeon diverted her eyes toward the clouds above them. “Separate showers for both of us,” she continued in a mumble. “Sorry. Perverted thoughts.” “Did I just hear you say ‘perverted’?” Tiffany asked, still unable to continue with her sipping from the tumbler. “Me? No. I said something that rhymes with perverted,” Taeyeon replied with a laugh. “Very funny. Harhar. Sarcasm doesn’t work well for you, either.” “Oh. So who else doesn’t go well with sarcasm?”

Tiffany finally took the sip. She didn’t bother saying Jessica’s name, fearing she would get another silent response. “Want to drink?” she asked Taeyeon, already offering the tumbler. “No, thanks. I’m not thirsty,” Taeyeon replied, eyeing the mouthpiece of Seohyun’s tumbler. She could see the faint pinkish stain caused by Tiffany’s lip gloss. She turned her attention back to the sky. “Ti-ppany, look!” she outstretched her arm toward it. “It’s so blue! And it’s so near… like I can…” She nipped the space above them with the chopsticks she was still holding. “It’s like I can reach the clouds with these chopsticks!” Tiffany giggled. “You know, even if you do manage to reach the clouds, the chopsticks would just go right through them.” Taeyeon nipped the air again then sat up. She held the invisible treat near Tiffany’s mouth. “Open.” “You really are a crazy dork,” Tiffany joked. “Yeah, yeah. Now eat your cloud.”

Tiffany opened her mouth. She didn’t know if clouds tasted like it but the taste of wood permeated the whole of her tongue, the sensation reaching even her olfactory system. She obviously tasted the chopsticks, themselves. She opened her mouth again to release them.

“Taste good?” Taeyeon asked. “Could use a bit of sugar,” Tiffany jokingly replied. “Oh. Let’s get another one—” “Let me choose this time.” Tiffany snatched the chopsticks away from Taeyeon. “You didn’t even eat anything with me.” “Don’t worry. I already ate.” “With Sunmi?” “Yeah.”

Tiffany gave a slight smile, one that wasn’t enough to make her cheeks rise and her eyes form crescents. She nipped the air above her, copying Taeyeon’s way of ‘catching’ clouds. She held the chopsticks in front of Taeyeon’s mouth.

“Open,” she mimicked. Taeyeon shook her head. She eyed the tips of the sticks in front of her and saw another trace of Tiffany’s lip gloss. “You don’t want to taste the cloud I picked?” Tiffany asked, pouting to tease. She pressed the pair of sticks on Taeyeon’s lower lip. “Open.”

Slowly, Taeyeon’s lips parted, allowing the chopsticks to enter. She bit on them, as if pulling something solid, like meat, from their tips. The same taste of wood hung on her tongue but this time with a hint of pink. That was how she imagined the flavor of Tiffany’s lip gloss or, at least, its faint trace. It tasted like pink: soft and light. She opened her mouth to part with the pink-bearing chopsticks afterwards.

“So? Does it taste good?” Tiffany asked. “It’s sweet,” Taeyeon replied. “Really?”

Tiffany eyed the chopsticks, overlooking the dark spots where Taeyeon’s saliva had accumulated, and then put them inside her mouth. The first thing she felt was warmth as her tongue glided over the wooden utensils. She was unable to sense a flavor, not even that of the wood anymore. It was just warm.

“Taste good?” Taeyeon asked. “I don’t know if I left you any. I mean, we can’t even see what we just ate.” She eyed Tiffany’s immobile hand. “Okay. Now I sound ridiculous. I’ll stop now.”

Tiffany gave another faint smile after she pulled the chopsticks out of her mouth. She put them back inside the meal pack. It never occurred to her that she and Taeyeon had shared more than just private talks. They had each shared part of their internal, more personal beings: physical matters, body fluids. She knew there was something wrong with her when she thought so deeply of the easily neglected fact between friends. So I really am in love with a girl… Wow.

“Fany-ah, is something wrong?” Taeyeon asked. “No. I… We…” Tiffany got on her feet and offered a hand. “We better get back to the lodge now.” Taeyeon pulled herself up via taking Tiffany’s hand. “Wanna take a look at what’s down there?” She pointed to the edge of the cliff but pertained to the area that lied beneath what they were standing on. “No,” went Tiffany’s immediate reply. “I’m holding your hand and I won’t let go. It’s really cool down there. I saw it when me and—Never mind. So… do you want to take a look?” Tiffany kept silent.

Taeyeon knew what it meant. She started to pull Tiffany toward the edge. Slowly, but surely, they got to a thinner landing. There was a feeling of hesitation on Tiffany’s part as they proceeded. The cliff, being shaped like half of the letter ‘v,’ gave her the feeling that it would tip over if its edge was to take on both her weight and Taeyeon’s.

“TaeTae, stop,” she managed to say, despite her trembling.

“Okay,” Taeyeon replied. “We can see it from here anyway.”

A few more steps and half of their feet would meet rock and the other half, pure air. Taeyeon didn’t see the need for them to take on that much of a thrill. She already felt Tiffany’s grip on her hand tighten.

“See how fast the water is?” Taeyeon said, pointing to the rushing water beneath them.

It was either because they were too high up or because they had gone deaf but the current was silent. Crashing over the big formation that they stood on, it still managed to keep its low profile. The waves toppled over another, racing to get to something solid, only to knock themselves down. They travelled so fast that their foaming tips were almost invisible.

“You never would’ve guessed, right?” Taeyeon continued after a short pause to view the water. “It looks so flat from afar. The sea, I mean. But it’s forcing itself on this piece of land we’re standing on. Silently, it’s shaving this thing down, rock after rock, until it crumbles.

Tiffany squeezed Taeyeon’s fingers in between hers, feeling the pressure of both of their sets of bones against each other. She leaned on Taeyeon’s arm, wondering since when she had felt the comfort of standing beside the slightly shorter girl, and who else was starting to. She didn’t mean to stay jealous, but she was getting worse at trying not to be.

She took a breath. “Isn’t it unfair? That it’s hitting something so defenseless?” “I wonder about that, too,” Taeyeon replied. “Then again, a lot of things lose without a fight.” “Isn’t it a choice to fight?” Tiffany continued to ask, recalling her inability to make the said choice. “Sometimes, maybe. But sometimes, even if you do, you’re still the loser.” Tiffany replied with a sigh. “Then there are those who choose to hang on,” Taeyeon continued. “Like this cliff. I guess if it gave up, we wouldn’t be up here and we wouldn’t have gotten to see a good view.”

Tiffany looked up and saw a glimpse of Taeyeon’s eyelashes and past that, the bridge of Taeyeon’s nose. She felt strangely contented even with her then current inability to steal occasional glances at Taeyeon’s eyes. She was reminded of an undeniable emotion and that whichever way she chose to turn she would always want to run into the girl she was leaning on.

“Yeah,” she finally replied. “A really good view.”

“Let’s go,” Taeyeon mumbled. She started walking backwards, away from the edge. Tiffany moved with her. “It’s getting hot. I wanna take a shower,” she continued.

They reached the spot where the meal pack and tumbler was. She released Tiffany’s hand.

The tips of Tiffany’s fingers slid up the whole of Taeyeon’s palm before losing contact with the latter entirely. She licked her dry lips. Then she realized that her lip gloss must have been smudged off of them.

“It wasn’t that scary, was it?” Taeyeon asked. She had already gathered the meal pack and the tumbler. “Nah,” Tiffany replied, wrinkling her nose. “Then you wouldn’t mind going to the real edge this time?” Taeyeon teased. “On second thought, yes. It was scary.” Taeyeon laughed. “Oh. You’re cheeks are sweaty. Let me—”

Taeyeon wiped the beads off with her sleeve, leaving Tiffany with an unfinished sentence and a hand left in mid-air.

Tiffany couldn’t help but feel that she just had a dose of déjà vu. Crumbs, sweat… Aren’t I allowed to wipe them off anymore? She thought.

CHAPTER 29 Far left side of the beach, after lunch, around one or so.

The anchored yacht towered above the queue of eager vacationers, stretching twice or thrice the line itself. Its fresh white paint glowed under the afternoon sun, its majestic aura beaming in all directions, its incredible size proving to be the cause of awe.

Nine girls stood before it.

“Guys! You decided to come!” Teukie greeted. “For free, right, oppa?” Taeyeon took charge of the conversation. The rest of her friends were too preoccupied with the sight of the immense vehicle they were about to board.

Teukie pressed a finger against his lips and shook his head. He leaned over to Taeyeon’s ear. “Not so loud,” he whispered. He looked over his shoulder, perhaps checking if anyone in the line behind him had heard the word ‘free.’ “The others might hear. I already had to tell Sunmi this so—” “Sunmi’s here?!” Taeyeon hissed. “Yeah. I invited her, too, remember? She bought her—Wait. Why are we still whispering about this?” Taeyeon shrugged; Teukie distanced himself from his dongsaeng. “So we set sail in awhile. You guys better get on before people get suspicious of us talking like we’re so close.” “Okay.”

While Teukie was handling the rest of the queuing vacationers, Kangin had already given the girls the signal to board the yacht. He was in charge of collecting the entrance fees. “Unnie! Let’s do that Titanic thing!” Yoona tugged on Yuri’s arm. “Or we could look for the bar! Come on, Yoong. Make the obvious choice here.” Yoona rubbed her chin. “Uh-huh. Titanic, it is!” “What the—Yoong! We’re talking drinks here!” “Yeah. Drinks that Sica unnie said I can’t have. So what’s the obvious choice now?” Yuri let out a heavy sigh as she rubbed her nape. “Look, Yoong… I know Sica acts like your mom and I act like—Okay. What I’m trying to say is that we’re friends. All of us are.” “Well, unnie, technically Sica unnie is your girlfriend. There’s a sort of line there. Friend,” Yoona held one hand up, “and girlfriend,” she lifted the other. “Get it?” “Of course. It’s just that… Man, I dunno what I’m saying.”

Yoona put an arm around Yuri’s neck. She pulled her unnie close. “I think you’ve been holding back a tad bit too much. It’s like you’re forgetting you’re not single or something. Face it. You’re in love with Sica unnie. I can see that. I don’t know if the others can, but that doesn’t matter right now. I’m all for the ‘protect Taeyeon unnie’ thing, but you should give Sica unnie what she deserves. Pretending you two aren’t together is okay when we’re all out here and stuff, but behind closed doors… That’s another thing. And if you’re worried about me sharing a room with you guys, I’m telling you not to. This is me we’re talking about. I’ll understand if you start cuddling in front of me or something or, you know, if you start kissing and… stuff.”

Yoona bit her lip.

“Okay. Maybe seeing you guys do that will make me jealous. I can’t even tell Hyunnie yet.”

Yuri removed her dongsaeng’s arm from around her neck and put on an I-told-you-so grin. “See why I have to hold back? Seriously, Yoong. This is not simple. Friends before hands, they say.” Yoona frowned. “Who says that? What does that even mean?” “It means you should think about your friends’ feelings first before you get your hands dirty with… stuff. Never mind. So… drinks?”

They exchanged glances.

“Titanic,” they chimed in.

Jessica couldn’t help overhearing the conversation. She decided not to think much about it. Like Yoona said, “Pretending you two aren’t together is okay when we’re all out here and stuff…” She felt strongly responsible for Yuri’s decision to keep things this way between them. Aside from that, she trusted her girlfriend; enough to quote her during her conversations with Tiffany.

“Sica, wanna check out the rest of this thing?” Hyoyeon asked. “Sure. Bar?” “You read my mind.”

While the two started their search by heading down a staircase, above them was an awkward trio. Observing the steering wheel was a pokerfaced Seohyun. Sooyoung and Sunny stood beside her.

“Sooyoungie, you don’t need to chaperone me. I’m just going to apologize to her,” Sunny whispered. “I’m not chaperoning you. I’m waiting for an apology from you, too,” Sooyoung replied. “Right. I’ll get to you in awhile.” Sunny approached Seohyun who looked like she was trying to get herself into a trance by tracing the circle object with her eyes. “I’m sorry for awhile ago, Seohyun. I didn’t mean it like that, really,” Sunny started. She stroked Seohyun’s back. “Last night came as a big shock and I was mad and… I dunno. I don’t have any other excuses. I’m just sorry.” Seohyun nodded. “It really scares me that you’re not saying anything, you know?” Sunny continued. “I don’t think I have anything more to say, unnie,” Seohyun replied, relieving Sunny of her fear, or so she thought. “It was a stupid thing to do. Really. I’m sorry that I was like that. It’s not every day that you’re in the middle of an argument and then someone interrupts you with,” she threw Sooyoung a glance, “a

stupid kiss. We were talking about Taengoo that time and it suddenly became about me. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want the attention. I… I hope that makes sense to you. I’m sorry.” Sunny hung her head low, her hand leaving Seohyun’s back. “Unnie,” Seohyun muttered. She pulled Sunny into an embrace. “I’m here for you. I’m here for everyone. It hurts that no matter how much I say it, no one seems to take me seriously. I understand where you’re coming from now. I appreciate that you took the time to explain it to me. Thank you. I just hope that from now on you won’t doubt me when I say that I’m here. I may be the youngest, but that doesn’t mean you guys need to protect me all the time. In fact, I think I’m the one who worries the most so I wish I could be a bigger part of everyone’s lives from now on.”

Sunny had already started sobbing. She pressed her forehead on Seohyun’s shoulder. She stood as the older one and Seohyun, the taller, but she realized how humble her dongsaeng was despite their statures. There weren’t enough apologies worthy to appease the youngest and she knew that. However, she had been fully forgiven.

“Thank you,” she replied in between sniffles. “There, there, Soonkyu,” Sooyoung whispered from behind. “Thanks,” Sunny whispered back, not entirely sure if anyone heard it. She broke away from her dongsaeng’s hold. “So we’re cool?” “Of course,” Seohyun replied. She gave a bright smile. “I think it’s Sooyoung unnie’s turn to hug you now, unnie.” Sunny sighed. She turned to Sooyoung. “Let’s take this slow. There has to be a right time for this.” “Whatever you want,” Sooyoung replied with a shrug.

The three made their way down to the deck. They passed a familiar face on his way up. The three friends exchanged glances.

“That was the guy who fixed our door, wasn’t it?” Sunny asked, pointing to the space where the man was standing a few seconds prior to her question. “Was it?” Sooyoung asked back. “Did he look—How do I say this? Uh, did he look like a pervert?” Seohyun tried to guess. “Bingo!” Sunny replied with a laugh. “O-kay. Let’s go before he notices. He might get mad that we didn’t say hi.” “Or maybe because you called him a pervert?” Sooyoung raised an eyebrow. “Or that. Whatever. Let’s go.”

They headed toward the Titanic duo. They were trying to fly while standing near the ship’s hull with their arms spread. If Taeyeon were with them, she would have joined. Unfortunately, she was trying to prevent a hangover from happening.

“Don’t tell me you really want to drink,” Taeyeon said. “Come on, TaeTae,” Tiffany replied, pouting. “It’s gonna be a bar party. What else are we gonna do here?” “Eat biscuits?” Taeyeon shrugged. She pointed to a table filled with silver trays. “There’s gotta be some over there, right? Oh!” she exclaimed. “There’s cake, too!” Tiffany giggled. “Just one drink, TaeTae. I promise.” “I don’t know… What if you—” “It’s to get back at you for not telling me where you went this morning. Deal?”

Much like Tiffany’s silence at the cliff, Taeyeon agreed with a simple nod expressing her apology. Then she let herself get dragged toward the bar.

Tiffany leaned on the counter. “Hi there. Can we have one—Oppa?!” “Uh, you can’t have this oppa for free,” went a smug reply. Tiffany laughed. “Omo! Siwon oppa! Don’t say such things!”

Taeyeon hid a sigh. She tried not to move a muscle, concerned about Tiffany noticing her uneasiness around the lifeguard.

“Just kidding,” Siwon replied. He was dressed in a simple white polo shirt and black slacks, giving off a professional feel rather than his Baywatch image. “So what drink can I get you two?” he asked. Tiffany still felt like laughing. She covered her mouth. “Was it really that funny?” Siwon turned to Taeyeon. “I guess,” Taeyeon replied, forcing a smile. “Sorry about her. She’s just—” “Yeah. I know,” Siwon interrupted, staring at Tiffany with a smile. “I don’t see her like this all the time, but I get it. She’s a happy girl,” Tiffany took a deep breath. “Me? Happy?” “Aren’t you?” Tiffany stole a glance at Taeyeon from the corner of her eye. “Maybe.” Then she turned her attention back to Siwon. “Hey, oppa. What are you doing here? Who’s gonna keep the beach safe now?” “Hyukjae hyung can handle things by himself. Anyway. I’m here because I’m paying off a debt.” “A debt?”

“Yeah.” Siwon sighed. He rubbed the back of his head. “I guess I hit that pumpkin a little too fast. When that kid said it was on the house, I should have known that he only meant the first hit. I ended up hitting over a hundred times. I can’t believe he counted!” “Wait.” Tiffany frowned. She tugged on Taeyeon’s hand. “Does he mean Teukie oppa’s business thing?” “Yeah,” Taeyeon replied. She bowed to Siwon. “I’m sorry about that. I should’ve warned you.” “It’s fine. At least, I can go on this cruise. It’s pretty neat. So do you guys still want that drink?” “Yeah—” “It’s too early,” Taeyeon quickly blocked Tiffany’s reply. Siwon stared at the two girls who were stuck in brief silence. He got Taeyeon’s point. “Oh. Early, huh? Is it? Well, okay. I’ll just be here if you guys want a drink later.” “Thanks. We’ll take another look around,” Taeyeon replied. She pulled Tiffany toward the pool table in the middle of the room. “I thought it was okay to take one drink,” Tiffany whispered as they walked. “Yeah. But maybe later, okay?” “Are you sure this is about the drink? ‘Cause if—” “Unnie!!” went a familiar voice. Tiffany hesitated to check. But Taeyeon turned toward the voice. “Sunmi!” The two exchanged waves. Behind Sunmi was another familiar face. “Hi, Taeyeon,” Sunye greeted. “Hey.” “Oh. Tiffany. You’re here, too!” Sunye waved at the silent Tiffany. “Wanted to drink early, huh?” Tiffany smiled. “Uh, no. It’s too early,” she replied, purposely leaning closer to Taeyeon so she would hear the emphasis. “Really? Well, from what I heard, it’s never too early.” Sunye shrugged. “But whatever. I’m not in the mood, either. Plus, I’m stuck with this dongsaeng of mine.” She put an arm around Sunmi’s neck. “It’s hard.” “I’m sorry, unnie,” Sunmi mumbled with her head down. Sunye laughed. “You know I’m just kidding, right?” Sunmi looked up, quickly changing to her happy self. “Of course, I do~”

Taeyeon eyed her cheerful dongsaeng. She hoped for a similar atmosphere with Tiffany. Little did she know that Tiffany was eyeing something more than Sunmi’s cheerfulness. As quick as lightning, she noticed the eye-contact between Sunmi and the girl she was holding hands with. Unlike Taeyeon, she wasn’t that good at hiding her uneasiness. Little by little, her grip got tighter.

“Uh, Fany,” Taeyeon mumbled, bowing her head slightly to hide her bewildered expression from Sunye and Sunmi. “What?” Tiffany whispered back, almost growling. Taeyeon bit her lip. She tried to flex her fingers, begging for release. “Well,” Sunye spoke up, “if you guys are gonna drink, I suggest not taking too much. Some of these guys seem like creeps.” She quickly scanned the room, avoiding eye-contact with any of the leering males. None of them seemed familiar. “Let’s go back up for now, yeah?” she continued, already pointing to the exit. “Okay,” Tiffany replied. She finally let go of Taeyeon’s hand. “I’ll catch up. I just have to ask Siwon oppa something.” “Oh! The lifeguard dude?” Sunmi sounded instantly interested. “He’s here, huh? I wonder—” “I’ll tell you about it.” Taeyeon stepped forward and took Sunmi’s hand. “Let’s go.” “Ah! But Taeyeon unnie, I—”

By the next second, the two were already by the exit. Sunye and Tiffany were left standing by the pool table.

“Well, I guess it’s just you and me.” Sunye began with small talk. “Uh, unless you want me to go.”

Having to let go of Taeyeon’s hand only to see her holding another’s made Tiffany’s frustration grow. She jammed her hands inside her pockets and sighed to release part of the tension. Then she gave Sunye a smile. “It’s okay. I won’t take long anyway. I’ll catch up with you guys later.” “Okay,” Sunye replied. “You sure you’re okay?” “Yeah.”

The two parted ways. Tiffany seated herself on a high stool in front of the counter. Siwon welcomed her back with a kind smile.

“Oppa,” Tiffany mumbled, her palms pressing on the edge of the counter. “That problem again?” Siwon asked. “Yeah.” “Do your friends know?” “No. Well… not exactly.” “Then why don’t you tell them?” “They might not understand. I don’t know. They might not see it as a problem. Something like that…” Tiffany replied, recalling how Jessica was so comfy with the idea of liking Taeyeon as more than a friend.

“What about Taeyeon?” “What?” Tiffany almost fell off of her seat. It’s like he read my mind or something, she thought. “Oppa, how did you know her—” “You mentioned her once before. You said she was the reason you were late for mass or something.” Tiffany laughed. “Wait. That was such a long time ago. How can you still remember?” Siwon shrugged. He pressed his knuckles on the counter. “So she doesn’t know, either?” Tiffany shook her head. “Okay. I won’t ask then. Actually, I’ve done a bit of thinking since our last talk. Then, I suddenly remembered temptation. It’s because you said something about feeling that it’s right, but it really might not be.” “So technically, I haven’t been sinning?” “No. Well… not yet.” Siwon bent forward to settle his forearms on the edge counter, perhaps to get more comfortable with the conversation. “Tiffany, it’s normal to want to steal. The problem is if you take action.” Tiffany nodded. She went back to the past analogy regarding her love for Taeyeon. “So feeling like wanting to steal isn’t wrong?” “Yeah. Basically.”

These feelings… they’re not wrong, huh? But what would make them wrong? If I tell her?

Again, Tiffany could not ask the exact question. It had nothing to do with stealing, after all. “Thank you, oppa. I appreciate it,” she replied instead. Siwon stood upright. “Glad I could help. Oh. Try this one.” He turned around and claimed a pitcher out of a mini refrigerator behind him. He poured its contents into a small glass and handed it to Tiffany. “It tastes like strawberry.”

Tiffany took the glass and slightly shook it, eyeing the swirling liquid. She raised it and nodded at Siwon. Then she downed the contents in one go. The moist, slightly bitter flavor spread all throughout her mouth and then down her throat, creating a trail. She recalled Taeyeon’s saliva. She makes falling so easy. Like taking a drink.

“Taste good?” Siwon asked. “Yeah. As sweet as the clouds,” Tiffany replied.

Under the exact white, fluffy-looking entities, Taeyeon and Sunmi were conversing. They were at one of the ship’s sides. The yacht had not yet sailed. Contrary to what Teukie said, it was taking them more than awhile.

“The clouds look funny today.” Sunmi pointed at the distance. Taeyeon looked up. The sky wasn’t as close as when she was lying down near the cliff’s edge. “You okay, unnie?” Sunmi asked as she lowered her arm. Taeyeon didn’t answer. After looking up she decided to look down. The sea was not the first to meet her eye; it was the edge they were standing so close to.

Though weak, the waves pushed the side of the ship. Unlike the cliff, though, the ship stood without any of its pieces being chipped off. She thought it amusing that something man-made was that stable while forms of nature – the alleged gifts of the higher being, like the cliff, which was supposed to be strong – were threatened by one of its natural brothers. Namely, the sea. Time makes all the difference, she continued the thought. Waves knock cliffs down only after hundreds of years. And ships get gobbled up almost every day.

“Did the cliff thing go okay?” Sunmi asked again. She thought it wise to stop asking questions after Taeyeon gave her a silent response but, being her curious self, she couldn’t resist. “Yeah. I think she had fun,” Taeyeon replied. “Ready for the sunset?” “I guess. Up to what time is this cruise anyway?” “Hmmm… Teukie oppa said until eight or something.” Taeyeon’s eyes widened. “That late?!” “Yup.” Taeyeon’s mouth hung open. “Something the matter, unnie?” Sunmi asked. “Darn. It’s just that I still have to talk to Heechul oppa about breakfast for Fany-ah tomorrow. I figured I would prepare this time.” Sunmi patted Taeyeon’s back. “You’re so sweet, unnie.” Taeyeon sighed. “Well, I can’t be if I’m on this boat until late at night. What was I thinking?” “Tiffany unnie, of course,” Sunmi replied, teasing. “True. But really, I gotta get off of this thing.” Sunmi rubbed her chin. “You know, that isn’t such a bad idea, unnie.” Taeyeon raised an eyebrow. “What are you thinking now, you silly kid?” Sunmi grinned. “Well, this silly kid thinks you should take Tiffany unnie’s hand and drag her out of here.”

“Wait. Is this before or after we get her drunk?” “What?! I thought you didn’t want to get her drunk?” “Well, it doesn’t seem like a bad idea now that I want to get back at her for being all chummy with that lifeguard,” Taeyeon mumbled. She cleared her throat. “Anyway, what were you saying? About dragging her out of here, I mean. Wait! This isn’t something perverted, is it?” Sunmi shook her head. “Unnie, I think I’ll leave that kind of thinking to you. Seriously.” “Hee~ Right. Anyway, please explain.” “Right. Well, since you took her here to watch the sunset—You did take her here for that, right?” “Yeah. I thought it would be cool to see it while we’re on a yacht. It was clever of me, huh?” Taeyeon lightly elbowed Sunmi’s side. “Right? Right?” Sunmi giggled. She took a good look around: the deck was filled with bikini-clad females as well as young males who were itching to ‘get some.’ She made her conclusion. “What? It wasn’t clever of me?” Taeyeon asked, a trace of panic in her tone. “Well… it would’ve been sweet if you two watched the sunset. Here. While sailing. Alone. The problem is there are far too many people here. I bet you two won’t even hear each other talk once the party starts. Do you get where I’m going with this, unnie?” Taeyeon scratched her head. “I think so. But what am I supposed to do? Just go back, cut off her conversation with that lifeguard, take her hand and tell her I need her to go with me back to the lodge because I forgot to pee?” Sunmi blinked. A smile slowly surfaced. “That could work. I’ll go talk to Teukie oppa.” “What the—Sunmi! Wait!”

By the time Taeyeon was finished with her sentence, Sunmi was already skipping toward Teukie, who was ushering the newly-arrived party people. She sighed.

Ti-ppany is going to say, “But there has to be a bathroom here. It’s a huge yacht for crying out loud. They can’t not have a bathroom here.” Yeah. That’s what she’ll say.

CHAPTER 30 At the end of the staircase was something like an underground lounge. It wasn’t what Hyoyeon and Jessica were looking for, but the rest of their friends managed to gather at the said spot. There were plush seats available for everyone, another table with silver trays and a small fountain as the area’s centerpiece.

Jessica found the simple fountain quite quaint. She stood next to it, observing how a few drops of water trickled down its base.

“So… you alone today or what?”

Jessica turned to her side and found an unfamiliar male with a bright yellow cap. Other than the bright accessory, what caught her eye was the string of puca shells he was wearing around his neck.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked again, flashing a smile. Jessica raised an eyebrow. “Uh… so this is a nice fountain, huh? It’s…” he eyed the centerpiece, “working pretty well.” Jessica remained silent. She focused on the fountain again. “Oh. Sorry,” said the nameless young male. “I didn’t mean to be rude.” He extended his arm, offering to do a handshake. “It’s nice to meet you, uh… miss?” Jessica responded with a blank stare. The young male retracted his arm. “Are you just normally shy or are you playing mind games with me?” No response.

Mr. Bright and Yellow was running out of words, his name included. He pinched his cap’s brim and positioned it sideways. But any angle failed to be flattering. Jessica was about to walk away when the young man fired another shot.

“I just saw you on my way here and I had to follow, you know? I mean… I know you don’t know me yet, but I think if you give me a chance—” “Hey there,” went another voice – finally something to add to Bright and Yellow’s desperate monologue. “Yuri-ah,” Jessica mumbled as she turned to her girlfriend. Yuri slipped an arm around Jessica’s neck and kissed the side of her head. “Sica baby, is this guy bothering you?” “I… Well, he’s just—” “Wow.” Yuri turned to the young man in question. “That is one weird hat you have there.” “Me?” the nameless one pointed to himself. “Well, it’s my favorite one so—Wait. Uh, so are you guys, like, together?” “Oh. Us?” Yuri pointed to herself with a grin, and then at Jessica. “Ye-yeah?” replied the young man. “Yeah,” Yuri answered. “We are. Sorry if you thought my girlfriend was available. We make it seem that way sometimes.” “Oh.”

“Uh-huh,” Yuri added. She pulled Jessica closer, up to the point where her cheek was brushing against Jessica’s ear. She turned her head and planted another kiss near Jessica’s forehead. “Sorry again,” she told the flustered male. The young man took his first step backwards. “No, no. It’s cool. I just thought she was… you know—Anyway, uh, I’ll get going now so—” he turned around before he could finish. Perhaps, he didn’t want to finish at all. He was short on words, after all. Jessica sighed. Then she looked up at Yuri who was still grinning. “Gee, that was subtle, Yuri-ah.” Yuri let her arm slip down Jessica’s back. She giggled. “If it’s Taeng, I can hold myself back. If it’s some guy with an annoyingly bright yellow cap that can blind the entire population of Korea then I can’t. It’s as simple as that.”

Jessica hugged Yuri’s arm, grateful for being protected from the likes of random nameless males. Despite that, she still longed for the full package, for Yuri to be by her side no matter who they were up against.

“Sica, I’m right here,” Yuri whispered. “I’m not going anywhere, if that’s what you’re thinking.” “It isn’t,” Jessica whispered back. “But that’s an even scarier thought.” “You don’t have to think about it, though. It’s not going to happen.” Jessica released Yuri’s arm and poured what little cheer she had in her into a smile. “I’m sorry if I’m like this,” Yuri replied with her head down. “Don’t be. I’m right here with you, too. At one point, I made this decision with you.” “Yeah. Thanks for that.” “No problem. We’ll have this talk again some other time. Let’s enjoy this cruise for now, okay?” “You got it.”

The two returned to their friends who were happily munching on the treats they gathered from the silver trays. A variety of pastries were lined up before them.

“And that’s what we told Taeyeon. Man! This cake is the best!” Sooyoung exclaimed. She had claimed another slice for herself. “What are we talking about?” Jessica asked, having just arrived at the scene. “Oh.” Hyoyeon looked up. “Good. You’re here. Since Seohyun and Yoong already know, we wanted to discuss this with you, too.” “What is it?” Yuri asked in place of her girlfriend who appeared to have intended to just listen. “Should I explain or should you?” Hyoyeon asked Sooyoung. Sooyoung was in the middle of chewing. She pointed at Hyoyeon, signaling that the latter could take over the conversation.

“Okay then.” Hyoyeon turned to Jessica and Yuri. “Last night, we had a talk with Taeng and we said we would just let her do things her way. She seemed really happy. Well, we don’t know, exactly. But she thanked us and it sounded like it was really what she wanted.” Jessica nodded. She had heard of the decision earlier. What she was worried about was Yuri’s reaction. “What do you mean by ‘her way’?” Yuri asked. “Like, she can do whatever she wants,” Hyoyeon replied. “We won’t bother her and Tiffany or force Sunmi on her. It really has gotten tiring, you know? I hope we’re all set on a decision here.” “I understand,” Yuri confirmed. She took a breath. “Well, you’re right. It has gotten tiring.”

Jessica stole a glimpse of Yuri, hoping to find a smile, hoping to receive some sign that she and Yuri could finally stop having secrets.

“So let’s just enjoy the rest of the vacation, huh?” Yuri told her friends, unaware of Jessica’s eyes on her. “Yeah!” Sooyoung cheered. “Good. Hey, Sunny. You haven’t been talking. You okay?” Yuri asked. “Just a bit seasick,” Sunny mumbled. Seohyun turned to her unnie. “But we aren’t even moving yet.” “Really?” “Yeah, unnie!” Yoona answered. Sunny gave a smile. “Right. Uh, so we’re all okay with this, right? With Taengoo and laying off and stuff?” “It’s okay with me,” Seohyun replied first. The others followed with nods. “Great!” Sunny exclaimed. She had forgotten about Taeyeon and set her attention on her own insecurity issues. Her eyes constantly moved toward a chewing Sooyoung. “Good,” Hyoyeon added. She reached out for a cupcake. “You should really try these out, Sunny. They taste—” “They taste so good!” Sooyoung interrupted, having just finished swallowing. Her eyes met with the anxious Sunny’s. Sunny quickly turned her head, so fast that she almost bumped into Seohyun’s. “Omo! Unnie!” Sunny gasped. “I’m sorry, Seohyun! It’s just that I can’t stop thinking about…” All eyes were fixed on the fidgeting Sunny. “Thinking about what?” Yuri asked, again being the most concerned about the strange display of behavior.

“About… about…” Sunny tried to grope for words. She took the least suspicious topic. “About Sunmi… and Taengoo! Yeah. That’s it. I mean, are we really sure that setting them up isn’t a bad idea? Sure, there are a lot of problems, but—” “Looks like she’s setting herself up, actually,” Jessica spoke up. She pointed at a familiar couple by the fountain she was examining moments ago.

Everyone’s eyes, to Sunny’s relief, shifted toward where Jessica was pointing.

“I have never seen Taeyeon unnie smile like that in days,” Yoona mumbled, almost sounding as if she had just discovered aliens were real. For her, they probably were. Seohyun had to agree. She nodded. “She looks happy.”

Yuri was processing the scene: Taeyeon dipping her hand into the fountain’s water, making a small splash directed at Sunmi, the latter retaliating with a few splashes of her own, both merely laughing it off. If it wasn’t simple happiness then she didn’t know what else it was. She herself had been restraining herself from it for too long, after all.

“So should we go talk to them or something?” Hyoyeon asked. “No way,” went Sooyoung’s immediate reply. She gave Sunny a quick glance. “Sorry,” Sunny whispered. She was short on clever alibis for herself. Sooyoung sighed. “We said we’d leave it so let’s leave it,” she reminded her friends.

There was a moment of silence.

Seeing Taeyeon so happy stirred questions for everyone. Regardless, each one decided to keep the fact of which to themselves. They vowed to return their friend’s freedom. As much as they were itching to ask, they understood the value of trust, re-evaluated it and kept it close to them once more.

Yuri slipped her hand in Jessica’s. Her freedom was something she longed to recognize, too. In return, Jessica tightened her grip. It wasn’t a full answer from her girlfriend but at least it was something.

“So what we should be asking is where could Tiffany be?” Hyoyeon started. She took a bite of the cupcake after Sunny showed no interest in the treat she offered. “I thought we wouldn’t be meddling with her, too,” Jessica replied. “Yeah. But since Taeng’s going around with someone else, aren’t you worried that Tiffany’s somewhere dangerous or something?”

“Oh! Like somewhere in the middle of the ocean!” Yoona raised her hand, almost jumping from her seat. “Unnie, I don’t see how that’s possible when—” “Or scaling the side of this ship!” Yoona cut Seohyun off. Sunny sat back to enjoy her dongsaengs’ guesses. She had nothing else to contribute to the conversation. Consequently, Jessica replaced her lack of reaction with a giggle. “Oh please. Dangerous? The only place worth caring about here is the bar and—” Sooyoung raised a hand. “I bet that’s exactly where she is.” “Really?” Sooyoung stood up. “You bet!” She rid her fingers of icing with a table napkin that came with the pastries. Then she crumpled the stained piece. “In any case, we should go get her. You know how she is when she’s drunk.” Jessica shook her head. She looked up at Yuri who seemed to share the same reaction. “No, we don’t,” Yuri answered. “Seriously?” Sooyoung asked. “Yeah. Wait. You guys drank with her?” Sooyoung nodded. “During her last birthday! Come on, guys! You were there!” The couple shrugged. They exchanged glances and concluded that they must have been having their own party for two during the said celebration. “Whatever. I don’t remember,” Jessica replied, safely diverting the conversation. “Fine. Whatever then. Tiffany was wild that night. We should keep an eye on her because of that, at least.” Seohyun stood up, joining Sooyoung in towering over those who were still seated. “I’ll go, unnies.” “Perfect!” Hyoyeon cheered. “Do that goody-goody act to knock some sense into her! No mercy!” Seohyun let out a chuckle. “It would be an honor.”

The youngest took her leave. An unusually reply-deprived Yoona was left staring at her back as she walked away to find the bar. “But after we save Tiffany from the bar, we can get some drinks for ourselves, right?” Hyoyeon asked, holding what was left of her cupcake close to her mouth. “Sure,” Yuri confirmed. “It could be fun. We could dare Yoong to drink a glass or two, right, Yoong?” Yoona smiled. She held a thumb up. “As long as Sica unnie doesn’t mind.” “Just one,” Jessica answered. “Fair enough.”

The rest continued with their talk about drinking. Yoona stared at her feet. If Taeyeon’s unnie’s really happy now then that means she won’t feel hurt even if I tell Hyunnie.

The ‘Hyunnie’ in question was making her way through a crowd of young men near the pool table. A series of games had begun and she was faced with the need to stretch her neck in order to catch any trace of Tiffany’s face or figure. Unfortunately, she was too late. An unexpected turn of events had transpired and it involved the happy Taeyeon who escaped their radars since being spotted near the fountain with Sunmi.

“TaeTae! Where are we going?!” Tiffany shouted, barely making a scratch on the barrier made of a mixture of music and chatter from excited guests on the yacht. Her hand was once again in Taeyeon’s, where she believed it belonged. “I can’t hear you that well!” Taeyeon shouted back as she looked over her shoulder.

From a by-stander’s point of view, Tiffany was being dragged across the deck by a probable deranged kidnapper. Only in this case, the kidnapper looked like the kid.

“Why are we rushing?!” Tiffany asked again, her voice echoing in her head from how loud she was shouting. Taeyeon decided not to respond. She recalled that she and Sunmi planned to do less talking with Tiffany in the first place. Showing Tiffany was the plan.. “Kim Taeyeon, if you don’t tell me where we’re going I’m totally going to—” “Unnies! This way!” Sunmi waved to mark her position. She gestured for the two to follow her through the crowd. Tiffany still had a bigger voice to use. Despite that, she held it in. She knew that she wasn’t good at handling both words and jealousy. Another hint was the release of smoke from her nose. Though figurative, it wasn’t far from the truth. “Is it me or are you getting heavier?!” Taeyeon tried to shout. She was in the middle of laughing. After Sunmi’s signal, she imagined Tiffany to be ten bags of rice. She was almost convinced that it wasn’t the girl of her dreams she was pulling by the hand anymore. “I can’t hear you that well!!” Tiffany screamed.

It was a lie.

The two finally caught up to their dongsaeng from the sixth lodge. Before Tiffany could release a heavy sigh, she realized that she was no longer on the yacht.

“What are we doing?” she asked Taeyeon. “Uh, I… The yacht thing is… and the—” “I’m gonna head out, unnies!” Sunmi lent Taeyeon a hand with her unfinished sentence. “I gotta check up on Sohee anyway. Bye!” “Bye!” Taeyeon replied with a wave.

Sunmi indeed left to head toward their lodge. She was unaware of how much Taeyeon needed a bit more than just a sentence-finisher to be saved from a certain someone’s wrath. Tiffany pulled her hand out of Taeyeon’s grip and slapped Taeyeon’s arm with it. “What the hell are you doing?! If you want to follow Sunmi then leave me out of it!” Taeyeon rubbed her arm. “That hurt.” “What did?!” Tiffany blurted out. “Me hitting you or Sunmi leaving?!” “The hitting part, actually,” Taeyeon replied. She was secretly amused by Tiffany’s random ranting. Tiffany frowned. “Well, you deserve it! You dragged me out here and—Omo! The yacht! It’s sailing! Wait!!” Taeyeon hid a laugh as she watched Tiffany try to reach out for the white vessel. She prepared her excuse. “Look at what you did! It left us!” “Sorry. I needed to pee,” Taeyeon replied. She didn’t expect it to work. “Then you should’ve gone with Sunmi!” Another thing she wasn’t expecting was that reply. She took a breath. “Say something!” Tiffany urged. A few passers-by had taken notice of her raised voice. “Funny,” Taeyeon replied. “I was actually expecting you to say ‘but there has to be a bathroom here. It’s a huge yacht for crying out—Okay, screw it.” She scratched her head. One look into Tiffany’s blazing eyes was enough to send her kneeling for forgiveness and with Tiffany’s angry tone added, she was even more helpless. “I’m sorry I had to drag you outta there like that. I just thought maybe we can—” “If you just told me in the first place then I wouldn’t be shouting like this!” “Then would you please stop so I can explain myself here?!” Tiffany released that heavy sigh she postponed. “Thank you,” Taeyeon replied in a mumble. “So what’s this about?” Tiffany asked, finally coming around to calming down. “Just thought I’d save you from too much drinking, I guess,” Taeyeon replied.

She thanked her obsessive nature for the excuse. She had sniffed the remains of the diluted strawberry cocktail in Tiffany’s breath the moment she took Tiffany’s hand when she went back to the bar to get her.

“It was one glass, TaeTae,” Tiffany defended. “I don’t care. One glass calls for another, you know? Remember being wild and drunk on your birthday?” “That was actually fun,” Tiffany mumbled. “Fun and violent. You pushed me off of my chair twice! Why is it that every time I’m with you I get injured? Haven’t you noticed?” Tiffany bit her lip. She recalled causing the cut on Taeyeon’s finger at the train station and the bump on Taeyeon’s head during their second day. She thought, for a second, that she was a curse. Nevertheless, she laughed it off. “You’re right. I’m sorry. And… I’m sorry for shouting and stuff. That was stupid.” “But it was cute, too. Anyway, let’s go get some ice cream. You want one? I bet there are strawberry-flavored ones!”

Tiffany showed a slight smile. Ice cream was a good remedy. As much as she wanted to ask about how Sunmi was involved again, she had to admit that being alone with Taeyeon was something she missed. And feeling this way isn’t wrong. Wanting to be alone with her, wanting to talk to her, wanting to eat ice cream with her… It’s okay.

“But first we have to ask around,” Taeyeon said, interrupting Tiffany’s thoughts. “Sunmi didn’t tell me where the shop is.” Tiffany’s slight smile reverted to a blank. Though feeling love for the girl next to her could be approved of, the wave of jealousy she felt with every mention of Sunmi’s name was something to be concerned about. “You okay?” Taeyeon asked, breaking another awkward silence that befell them. “Yeah. Let’s go find that ice cream shop,” Tiffany replied. “Your treat, okay?” “I was about to say that.” Tiffany giggled. She lightly poked Taeyeon’s forehead. “’Cause you have a lot of making up to do!” “Huh? Like what?” Tiffany started walking backwards. She had no intentions of answering the question. “Strawberry ice cream, here we come!!” Taeyeon took forward steps, matching Tiffany’s feet, which moved in the same direction but backwards. It would’ve made a good mating dance.

“Stop walking like that. I won’t tell you if you’re going to bump into anyone,” Taeyeon jokingly threatened. “Then you have to make up for that with one more cone of ice cream! One cone for every person I bump into!” Tiffany rode along. “Ha! And why would you want to bump into them for ice cream in the first place? I said it was my treat anyway. You can have as much as you want.”

Tiffany took a step back with her left foot; Taeyeon took a step forward with her right. The following steps they took seemed like clockwork: synchronized and timed. The inconvenienced-beachgoer count remained zero as of then.

“Yeah. I know you said that,” Tiffany assured. “Then why do you still want to do it?” “So I can get you back with what you said. If you get injured every time you’re with me then it might as well be the same for me.” Taeyeon laughed. Her dimples showed. “I guess we can work with that. Okay! Turn a little to your right so you can bump into that guy!” “To the right it is!” Tiffany began moving faster. By moving backwards, her heels accommodated the pressure that was supposed to be on her toes. It was something to get used to. “Hey! I was joking!” Taeyeon screamed with her arms outstretched. She took faster forward steps. “I don’t care.” “What are you—Ti-ppany! Stop!” Tiffany took shuffled steps, her left and right feet almost indistinguishable; Taeyeon tried to keep up. The synchrony was broken. “Stop!” Taeyeon urged once more. Tiffany replied with a chuckle. She was looking straight ahead at the girl who was scrambling to catch up to her. Looking over her shoulder didn’t cross her mind. “You’re going to hurt yourself!” Taeyeon warned. “Technically, you’ll be the one hurting me,” Tiffany replied. She threw in another laugh. “You’re the one who told me to turn right!” “And now I’m telling you to stop!” “Nuh-uh. I’ll just keep going faster until—”

The sudden gust of air against Tiffany’s body cut her off and she was slightly thrown off balance. More than anything, it was the scent of Taeyeon’s hair, which invaded her nose that knocked her out; it

wasn’t the smaller frame against her own, it wasn’t the soft cheek against hers, it wasn’t the firm pair of arms around her. The latter set was something she was used to. She could no longer count how many times she and Taeyeon shared an embrace in the exact same position. But the paralyzing effect of that simple scent clinging onto Taeyeon was a first. It was familiar, but there was never a time when she paid any mind to it. It was then that she realized that the smallest of details meant the most to her, that every little thing about Kim Taeyeon was a piece of a bigger picture of happiness.

“I would never want to hurt you,” Taeyeon mumbled into Tiffany’s ear. She didn’t know how, but she managed to trap Tiffany in her arms before the latter could move faster toward an unsuspecting beach-goer. “Never.” Tiffany rested her chin on Taeyeon’s shoulder. “I know. I’m sorry.” “Never ever ever,” Taeyeon emphasized.

A tear trickled down Tiffany’s cheek. She closed her eyes and bit her lip, hoping the lone drop of sadness would be lost in a few strands of her hair or be mistaken for sweat and that Taeyeon wouldn’t notice. I wish I could say the same thing. I wish I won’t ever hurt you.

CHAPTER 31 “Hyunnie.” “Yoona unnie.”

The two met in the middle of the crowd. Seohyun’s failure to find Tiffany gave way to Yoona’s winning opportunity. Call it fate, but both of them were too preoccupied to think of naming the moment. “You didn’t find her, huh?” Yoona asked. Seohyun shook her head. “Can you help me find her?” “That wasn’t really why I came here.” “Oh. So did you want—”

Yoona pulled Seohyun through the crowd, saving her breath for one short sentence. The end of the trail proved to be more of an inconvenience. She quickly perused the area, hoping to find an empty spot. It didn’t matter if it was a sunlit area or if it was closest to the ship’s side anymore. Though it was what she was going for, the odds were clearly against it. There were people everywhere she turned.

“Unnie, what are we looking for?” Seohyun asked. “Empty spot,” Yoona replied.

“I know where to go then.” “Really?” “Yes.”

Having recalled the talk she had with Sunny, the topmost part of the yacht seemed appropriate. Seohyun pulled Yoona up a staircase and, to her dismay, they arrived at another occupied spot. She failed to remember that they were already sailing and that the steering wheel was what that was for.

“You kids ain’t lost are ya?” “Mister! It’s you!” Yoona pointed at the familiar old man. “Ah. You’re the kids with the broken door, yeah?” “Yeah! And you’re the guy who fixed it!” Mister Dentures’s hearty laugh made its entrance. “Darn right I am.” Seohyun bowed. “I’m sorry, sir. I forgot you would be here,” she said. “Nah. It’s fine. Do ya need anythin’?” Yoona turned to Seohyun. She remembered the purpose of her search for an empty spot. She returned to the conversation with Mister Dentures. “Uh, can you leave us here for awhile?” she asked. “To do wha’ exactly?” “I just need to tell her something.” Mister Dentures rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, this thing ain’t gonna drive itself,” he replied, gripping the wheel tighter. “I’ll drive it if I have to.” “Unnie, no. Let’s just find another—” “Please, sir?” Yoona asked once more, ignoring Seohyun’s offer. “Ain’t nothin’ I can do, kid. A lot o’ people’s lives are in my ‘ands today.” Yoona sighed. “Fine. I guess you just have to cover your ears or something.” Another laugh came from the old man. “I can keep a secret, kid. No worries.” “It’s not that I want to keep it a secret. It’s just that this wasn’t the way I imagined it. I wanted us to be alone for this conversation.” “Oh. One o’ those fancy talks, eh? I’m gonna keep quiet then. Like I ain’t even ‘ere, yeah?” Yoona glanced at Seohyun. “Sorry he has to hear me say this to you.” “Is it something serious, unnie?” “Maybe the only thing that I’ll be serious about.” “Oh. Then maybe you should whisper it to me instead.” “No. I don’t want to do that. I can’t keep quiet about it and I’m not ready to scream it out loud, either. I feel like it has to be just right, you know? For this moment, it’s between the two of us with the

normal volumes of our voices. I want it to be a real conversation, not a secret whisper or a public announcement. Those are overrated anyway.” Seohyun giggled. She felt the ‘seriousness’ Yoona mentioned. Mister Dentures groaned. “For the love o’ the seven seas, ya kids are makin’ me feel a tad guilty ‘ere. I feel like I’m an old man who’s about to ruin a birthday party. A’right. I’m gonna keep this thin’ on auto-pilot and leave the two of ya ‘ere, but—” “Thank you, sir!” Yoona bowed. Her back could have broke. “But,” Mister Dentures continued, “ya ‘ave to hurry. I’ll give ya kids twenty minutes or somethin’.” “That’s okay. Thank you!”

With a push of a button, it was like the old man never left. It was smooth sailing without a sailor.

Left alone at the highest point of the white vessel, overlooking the sea and its royal blue glory, the two were left to converse. “So… I guess it’s time to tell you,” Yoona said with a smile. She tucked stray strands of hair behind Seohyun’s ear. “Reply as fast as you can, okay?” “But that wouldn’t seem like a real conversation,” Seohyun replied. “Can’t I just answer my own way?” “You’re right. Whatever you want then.” “Okay. Go ahead, unnie.”

The two blue dimensions were witnesses: the cloud-filled sky and the rumbling sea. The rushing breeze counted, the scene wasn’t far from ordinary. Both girls have had a taste of the beach life for four consecutive days and the only thing worthy of mention at the time was being near the auto-pilot button. Regardless, there was no need to mention standing next to the said contraption. That would have been stalling. And there was no such thing in Yoona’s vocabulary.

“I love you, Seohyun.”

A whole tank could have housed enough oxygen for another paragraph but Yoona’s lungs were made for that short sentence. It could accommodate more than a tank of oxygen but not for another paragraph. All she had room for was that short sentence and what was left was to repeat it; daily if she had to, every minute if Seohyun deemed it right, every second if they both agreed to it.

“I love you, Seo—” “Unnie, are you serious?” “Yes.”

“Truly?” “Honestly.”

Seohyun diverted her eyes toward the steering wheel. It turned slightly to the right and then back to the left, like it was unsure of which direction to follow. Then she realized that sailing was about keeping things steady. There was not much of a need to go all the way to the left or all the way to the right for the yacht to travel along its course. Her decision was based on that. There was no ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer to Yoona’s statement. It wasn’t even a question in the first place. She wrapped her arms around Yoona’s neck, lessening the space between them as she did so.

“I love you, too, Yoona unnie.” “Are you serious?” Yoona asked, copying how Seohyun said it, but with a teasing smile. “Truly, honestly, absolutely, totally, entirely, deeply, madly in love with you,” Seohyun replied. “Or do you want me to use my entire list of vocabulary words?” Yoona laughed. She released a big helping of joy as usual. “Please don’t. I know you know some complicated words. Let’s stick to ‘I love you’ for now.” Seohyun smiled. “Okay.”

As simple as that, a relationship evolved. At the highest point of the white vessel, overlooking the sea, a couple stood face to face with a vow to sail together, to steer past the future with decisions. Though young, both knew there was no need for an auto-pilot button. They knew exactly what they got themselves into. Nice and steady – yes, that’s the way to go.

After Yoona and Seohyun’s return to the ‘underground’ lounge, the rest of the girls had the drinks they were considering. Knowing they had a free pass for everything, instead of staying at the bar, they decided to bring a whole pitcher with them. It was filled with the same strawberry cocktail Siwon offered Tiffany. From left to right on the plush couch, Hyoyeon, Sooyoung, Sunny, Yuri, Jessica, Yoona and Seohyun were seated.

“Ready for that drink now?” Yuri asked Yoona with a teasing smile. “Just one,” Jessica reminded. Yoona nodded. “Whatever you say, unnies.” Yuri offered a glass to her dongsaeng. She had some questions such as why Yoona’s smile had not weakened since she arrived and why Seohyun was strangely smiling as much. She had the urge to ask. “So there was no sign of Tiffany, huh?” she started subtly. Yoona was in the middle of taking her first sip; Seohyun took the liberty of answering.

“No, unnie. We couldn’t find her at the bar.” “And she wasn’t anywhere else?” Seohyun wasn’t the type to lie. “Well, she wasn’t near the captain’s wheel,” she replied. She wasn’t the type to carelessly answer, either. She knew she had to talk things through with Yoona before she mentions anything about their short talk. “Do you wanna go look for her?” Sunny asked, already at the edge of her seat. “Yeah,” Yuri answered. “But maybe I’ll take Sooyoung with me. She has the height advantage.” “Oh. Sure,” Sunny agreed. She only volunteered so she could steer clear of Sooyoung and she was offered the opportunity. It wasn’t until she processed Yuri’s reply that she formed a frown. “Hey! It’s not my fault that I’m small!!” Sooyoung laughed. She patted Sunny’s back. “You’ve had a lot to drink already, haven’t you?” “No! I haven’t even touched a glass!” “And I wonder why that is,” Hyoyeon asked, joining to complete the trio. She had a few guesses. “I think I know,” Sooyoung teased. She was slurring. “Widdle Soonkyu is afraid I might—” “Take Sooyoung, will ya?” Jessica interrupted. Her eyes were set on Yoona, but her request was clearly for Yuri. She had already placed a hand on Yuri’s knee. Yuri stood up. “Okay. But,” she threw Yoona a glance, “Yoong and I have to talk when I get back.” Yoona almost spilled her drink. “What the—Unnie! I have nothing to do with Tiffany unnie’s disappearance! I swear!!” “I didn’t say anything about that.” “But what did I do?!” “We’ll talk about it later.” “Unnie!” Yoona demanded. Jessica took Yoona’s glass. “If you’re going to talk later then you can’t drink all of this. I bet you’d be too tipsy to open your eyes.” Yoona pursed her lips. “So instead of one drink I get one sip?! That’s so unfair!” “We’ll talk later,” Yuri repeated. She turned around and reached out for Sooyoung’s hand. “Take my hand if you’re not drunk.” Sooyoung grinned. “I’m not allowed to be drunk?!” she blurted out afterwards. It was a flash of emotions. Yuri turned to Jessica. “Do I really have to take her now? She’s freaking drunk. You can see that, right?” Jessica had just finished drinking half of what was in Yoona’s glass. She wiped the side of her mouth with her thumb. “Fine. Take Sunny.” “With all of these people, how can she help me see?” “I heard that!” Sunny screamed. She stood up and took Yuri’s hand. “What is it with you and my height? Let’s go. We’ll bring Fany back and you can shut up about my height.”

“But I—” “Yuri-ah, just take her,” Jessica advised. “Fine.” Jessica watched as Yuri and Sunny began their search for Tiffany. She downed the rest of the strawberry cocktail and whispered into Yoona’s ear. “You have to learn not to smile too much, Yoong. She sees right through you.” Yoona lowered her head and whispered back. “But I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just happy.” “Well, let’s hope you’re telling the truth. Going after Seohyun, coming back here with her with smiles on your faces… that’s not really the way to be secretive. Whatever you two did, I won’t ask about it anymore, but you know how protective your Yuri unnie can be.” “I know. I’ll clear things out with her.”

While the cocktail-drinking as well as the search for Tiffany were ongoing, another plan was in action; one that involved sitting under the heated sky and slurping pink trails from a brown cone. The sunset was still a few hours away.

“Strawberry tastes good,” Taeyeon said. “But maybe not as great as your strawberry cocktail, huh?” “What are you talking about? They taste the same. They’re both strawberry!” Tiffany replied. Taeyeon sank her teeth into the side of her ice cream cone, successfully devouring a big chunk of pink as well as a few centimeters of the cone. She licked her lower lip. Then she replied: “Except this ice cream isn’t spiked. That’s the difference!” “Are you still mad at me for drinking or something? I told you it was just one glass, right?” “I’m not mad. Who says I’m mad?” “I’m saying it! We’re the only ones here. It’s because you sound like it.” Taeyeon shrugged. They were indeed alone, but it didn’t make up for the thought of the lifeguard having a handy drink available for Tiffany hours ago. “I’m not mad. I’m just saying that you probably liked that drink more. Besides, you didn’t even get strawberry. You got vanilla ice cream. I was just testing a theory. That’s all.”

Tiffany licked the top of her ice cream, smoothing it out in the process. She recalled the strawberry cocktail’s effect, how it made her remember what they shared at the cliff. She didn’t want to be flustered again.

“Vanilla is good, too. It’s sweet,” Tiffany said. “Like clouds?” Taeyeon replied. “What?!”

Taeyeon pointed at the sky while licking the side of her cone. “Vanilla is white and the clouds are white. Plus, they’re both sweet!”

Just when Tiffany thought she had escaped from her ‘unusual’ thoughts regarding Taeyeon, they came to mind again. Instead of replying, she pressed the top of the ice cream to her lips and tried to eat the entire treat all at once. She just had to remind me of how she tastes, huh? Fine. Good thing this isn’t as warm as her saliva.

“You’ll get brain freeze,” Taeyeon mumbled. She had a pink moustache. Tiffany responded with a nod. She went on with her snacking. Taeyeon placed a hand on Tiffany’s shoulder. “It’s going to hurt. I’ve tried.” “It’s fine,” Tiffany replied in a rush. She took another big bite. “You’re going to regret it~” Tiffany couldn’t reply. Her mouth was filled with pure white, vanilla, icy goodness. “That’s sad, Ti-ppany. Since when did you stop listening to me?” Tiffany pulled the treat away. “I still listen to—” “Gotcha!” Taeyeon laughed she pressed the tip of her strawberry ice cream to Tiffany’s nose. She had made another sneak attack. “Wow. Pink really does look good on you,” she said, teasing. Tiffany pouted, her brows knitted. She stared down at her nose and appeared cross-eyed. “Bet you want to get back at—Woah!” Proving Taeyeon right, Tiffany did get back at her with what was left of the vanilla ice cream. The two stood with smiles on their faces: a big blotch of pink on Tiffany’s nose and white on Taeyeon’s. “Now you look like a lifeguard with sunscreen on your nose!” Tiffany said with a laugh. “Oh. So now you think about lifeguards, huh?” Taeyeon replied, dismissing her smile. She wiped the white cream off of her nose. “What is up with you? I try to play around with you and then you get mad.” “I’m not mad!” “Annoyed?” “I’m not annoyed!” “Uh, irritated?” “That’s the same as annoyed! And no! I’m not irritated!”

Tiffany stopped guessing. She licked the rest of her ice cream and bit on the cone afterwards. She felt that she was supposed to be the one frowning. After how Taeyeon left with Sunmi’s hand in hers, after how Sunmi led them off the boat and the numerous instances when she felt jealousy coming on, she knew she had every right to frown.

“Sorry, Fany-ah.” “Yeah. Me, too. Am I doing something wrong? Is it something so bad that you get mad all the time and even feel the need to leave with some girl we barely even know? Huh?” Taeyeon lowered her arm. The pink drops of melting ice cream met the sand. “You’re the one who left to talk with some lifeguard dressed up as a bartender.” “I just asked him something.” “And I just asked Sunmi something, too. What’s wrong with that?” Tiffany took a breath. With the ice cream gone, there was nothing left to cool herself down with. “What’s wrong is that you sound mad at me and I don’t even know why. Fine. If you say Sunmi has nothing to do with it then okay. But why do you sound so mad then?” “I think the question is why you’re accusing Sunmi of having something to do with this in the first place.” “So you’re defending her now?” “See? I haven’t even said anything about defending her and you’re already like that!” “I didn’t say anything about thinking of lifeguards, either! So why are you dragging Siwon oppa into this?” “You’re the one who said something about lifeguards!” “And you’re the one who made such a big deal out of it!” “You made a big deal of me leaving with Sunmi, too!” “Well, it is a big deal! You just took her hand and left me! You could’ve just walked on your own!” “I left because you said you had something to talk about with that lifeguard bartender person guy!” “But you could’ve walked alone! That’s what I’m saying!” “So what if I took her hand?! Would it have made a difference if I took Sunye’s hand instead?” “Yeah! It would have!” “Really? How? Huh?!” Tiffany couldn’t answer. She focused on the pointed tip of Taeyeon’s ice cream cone. It was the only part that hadn’t been misshapen. The upper portion appeared softened by the melted ice cream and the middle had cracked, probably from Taeyeon’s tight grip.

“On second thought,” Taeyeon continued. She raised her arm and Tiffany’s eyes followed. “I don’t want to fight about this. I don’t know what your problem with Sunmi is, but I have no problem with Siwon oppa. I’m sorry. We shouldn’t get them caught up in this. They’re not the reason, right?” “Right,” Tiffany replied. It was Sunmi but her mixed feelings far outweighed the jealousy. “So if you don’t want to talk about it, let’s not,” Taeyeon proposed. “Okay. Let’s not.”

Taeyeon smiled. She bit her lower lip as she turned her attention back to her deformed ice cream cone. “I guess I still have to eat it,” she said. Tiffany laughed. “You look like you killed it and it has pink blood sputtering out or something.” Taeyeon began eating her ruined treat. The sticky mess reached her fingertips. It did look like she had someone’s blood on her hand. “Oooh! Killer TaeTae!” Tiffany joked. Taeyeon decided to joke back. She pointed at Tiffany’s nose. “And Rudolf Ti-ppany!” Tiffany quickly pinched her nose. “What the—Omo! I still have pink stuff on my nose?!” “Uh-huh.” “Darn it,” Tiffany muttered. She wiped her dirtied nose with her sleeve. “Now my fingers are all sticky, too.” Taeyeon was in the middle of chewing. She showed Tiffany her pink-covered hand then she swallowed. “You’re lucky. I’m the one with the sticky hand! The whole hand!” “Yeah, but that’s your fault—” Taeyeon poked Tiffany’s cheek with her soiled finger. “Now your cheek is sticky, too,” she said with a laugh. She enjoyed playing after a tense moment. “But don’t get mad! Just… smile.” “What am I? Some kind of doll? You push part of me and then I do something?” Tiffany replied with a raised eyebrow. “That would be awesome!” “Really?” Taeyeon took a step forward. She brought her face closer to Tiffany’s and smirked. “That means I can push other buttons, too. Wouldn’t that be fun?” Tiffany’s eyes widened. “Yah! Shut up!” Taeyeon took a step back. “What? There are other buttons! Like your…” she moved her hand downwards. Though her hand was inches away from Tiffany’s actual flesh, she felt that she was tracing Tiffany’s body. She stopped in front of the spot below Tiffany’s neck. “TaeTae, don’t even think of touching my—” “Gotcha again!” Taeyeon quickly pinched Tiffany’s nose. “Yah!” “What? You’re disappointed?” “You dork!” Taeyeon laughed. She had just experienced the most amusing moment of the day as well as the most ridiculously tempting one. I really could’ve squeezed them. Like… for just a second, she thought. “I really don’t get why you do these things, TaeTae.” “Well, you said we should make the most out of this vacation so that’s what I’m doing.” “We could’ve stayed on the yacht, too, you know? That would’ve been an experience to remember.”

“Yeah, but I needed to pee.” “But there has to be a bathroom there! It’s a huge yacht for crying out loud! They can’t not have a bathroom there!” “I was waiting for you to say that.” “Huh?” “Never mind. Let’s go back to the lodge. We’ll take another shower or something.” Taeyeon slipped her hand in Tiffany’s, no longer minding the stickiness. “This feels gross,” Tiffany commented, but she flashed a smile to signal that she was joking. “It’s like glue, right?” Taeyeon smiled back. They started walking. “Keeps things together longer.” Tiffany nodded.

They can throw me halfway across the globe, even get rid of all the glue in the world, and I’d still be tied to you. Maybe these hands were made for yours, Kim Taeyeon. I want to tell you that.

CHAPTER 32 Sooyoung was lying on the plush couch, leaving the others with no choice but to sit elsewhere. Only two were left standing by.

“Note to self: never let Sooyoungie drink. Ever,” Sunny mumbled. “Worried about her, huh?” Hyoyeon whispered. “A little bit.” “That’s sweet of you.” “She passed out. That’s why I’m worried. It’s not about—” “You suck at trying to hide it. You’re clever, Sunny, but it just isn’t working for you right now. Maybe you should drink something.” “You mean what’s left in the pitcher?” “Yeah. It’s gonna go to waste if you don’t.” “And if I do, I’ll get ambushed again?” Hyoyeon grinned. “Isn’t that what you want?” Sunny remained silent. “If you’re looking for an excuse to kiss her then this is the best one. No one can blame you when you’re drunk.” “That’s not what I want, Hyo.” “Okay. I won’t push it. I’ll see you in awhile. Talk to her.” “If she’s not too wasted to talk that is.” “Try.”

Hyoyeon left and Sunny was left standing. She eyed Sooyoung’s sleeping face. It wasn’t a surprise that she was fixated on the pair of lips before her. She crouched down, positioning herself near Sooyoung’s ear. “I’m sorry I slapped you. I’m sorry I was a jerk when you said we should leave Taengoo alone.” She sighed. “Heck, I’m sorry I’m saying sorry while you’re asleep right now. All I want to know is why you did it, Sooyoungie. And you better not give me that crap about not being good and holy. No one goes that far to prove a point. Well, at least not you. I know you. Or maybe you forgot about that?” Sooyoung was motionless; Sunny resorted to shaking her friend’s shoulder. “Wake up.” Sooyoung turned her head to the side. “Choi Sooyoung, your mother is calling you!” Sooyoung smiled. Sunny wasn’t sure, but she told herself it was a smile. “You can hear me, can’t you?!” Sunny shook Sooyoung harder. “You let me talk all this time and you were actually awake, weren’t you?!” “Soonkyu…” “Yah! You’re really awake!” “So short…” “What the—You have the nerve to insult me?!” “Why…” “Wake up and say that to my face!!” Sooyoung’s mumbling ceased. She groaned and scratched her cheek. Other than those two signs of movement, she was as still as a rock. Sunny stood up. “What is going through that mind of yours?” she whispered to herself.

Another couple was given a chance to be alone. Needless to say, they deserved their time alone together. They had a lot on their plate: tearing themselves apart from each other, lying to their friends for the sake of ‘protection’ and the roughest of roads barely fit for lovers.

Yuri held Jessica from behind, inhaling the faint trace of perfume on her neck. “That tickles,” Jessica mumbled with a giggle. “Good. I want to hear you laugh,” Yuri replied, her lips grazing Jessica’s jaw. “Yuri-ah… if Taeng sees…” “She won’t. I have a feeling she’s not here anyway.” “Really? You sure?” Yuri nibbled on Jessica’s ear. “Not… there…” “Oh. You don’t want me to—”

“No. It’s not that. It’s just that people are…” “People are staring, Sica baby. I know that.” “So stop.” “Nuh-uh,” Yuri whispered. She kissed the spot behind Jessica’s ear. “Right now, we’re not a secret.” “Yeah, but I don’t want others to see me…” Yuri let out a chuckle. “Why are your sentences like that? You stop midway.” Jessica leaned back, letting herself fall deeper into Yuri’s arms. “I stop because I can’t think. Sorry.” “Don’t say sorry. Just tell me what you don’t want.” “I don’t like the idea of strangers knowing before our friends. That’s all. Sorry.” Yuri kissed Jessica’s ear once more. “After this vacation, I promise we’ll tell them.” “You don’t have to force yourself—” “If I can hold it in until then, I mean,” Yuri continued. “I’m struggling, you know?” “I’m happy that you told me that. At least now I’m sure you still love me.” “I’m sorry about that.” “Why? It’s not a bad thing.” “It is.” Yuri tightened her hold as if trying to melt into every inch of Jessica’s body. “I shouldn’t be giving you chances to doubt me in the first place. That’s why I’m sorry.” Jessica smiled. “What you should be sorry for is bringing me to this place!” “What? The deck? But it’s so breezy here.” “And crowded!” “What’s the matter? You’re blushing?” “You can’t even see my face.” “But I see your ears. They’re as red as a baboon’s butt!” “You did not just compare my ears to a monkey’s butt!” Yuri flashed a toothy grin. She hugged Jessica tighter and kissed her cheek. “Your ears are cuter. Don’t worry.” “Such a sweet talker,” Jessica mumbled. “What was that?” “I said there’s so much water.” “Really?” Yuri released Jessica and spun her around so they would be face to face. “’Cause I could’ve sworn I heard you say that I’m a sweet talker.” Jessica nodded. She traced Yuri’s cheek with her thumb. “Listen up for the next part.” “Okay. I’m all ears.” “I love you, Kwon Yuri.” “It’s been awhile since I heard that.”

“Yeah. I hope you don’t forget.” “I won’t even if I tried.”

The two locked eyes and had to settle for biting down on their lower lips. As much as Yuri was comfortable with showing Jessica off as hers in front of the crowd of strangers, she had enough respect for her girlfriend to hold her raging hormones. If it was a kiss she wanted, she wanted to make sure they had enough space to breathe in between. Having pairs of eyes burning through them while they shared one didn’t strike her as a comfy moment.

“Do you think we should tell them?” Seohyun sighed. She gave Yoona a slight smile. They had been standing close by, observing Yuri and Jessica. “Yuri unnie didn’t talk to me when she got back. I guess I should feel happy, but I don’t. This is killing me, Hyunnie.” “Well, if you really want to tell them then I’ll be right at your side.” “You sure?” Seohyun took Yoona’s hand. “I’m sure.” “But what if she gets mad?” “At least you told her the truth.” “That wouldn’t mean anything if she’s mad at me. Actually, she told me not to confess just yet.” “Oh. Why?” “Because of Taeyeon unnie.” Seohyun released Yoona’s hand then she gave a smile. “I agree. Let’s take this slow, Yoona unnie.” Yoona sighed. She scratched her head. “What I did was stupid, wasn’t it?” “No. Confessing to me wasn’t stupid. I’m happy that you did. But… as much as I want to enjoy what’s left of this vacation as your girlfriend, I don’t want to cause any unnecessary misunderstandings. Besides, what Yuri unnie’s doing is admirable. Putting friends before herself and her relationship… It must be tough.” “I understand why she’s doing it,” Yoona replied. She turned and faced the horizon, taking in the light splashing of water against the ship. “But just because she’s holding herself back to protect Taeyeon unnie doesn’t mean Taeyeon unnie is going to be happy. So what if Yuri unnie doesn’t show Taeyeon unnie that she loves Sica unnie? Everyone’s just gonna end up being uneasy with all the lying.” Seohyun stroked Yoona’s back. She understood where the conversation was going. “I know you want everyone to be happy. I know that you care about the unnies more than they could ever imagine. It’s just that sometimes you can’t be too selfish. Even if it’s for a good reason, telling the truth, especially at times when a friend is suffering, will just cause pain. Lying might not sound like a good thing to you right

now, but I think we should give it a chance. Taeyeon unnie will figure things out on her own. The same goes with Tiffany unnie. Those two are a really good match. They’ll find a point of intersection somehow.” Yoona faced Seohyun and smiled, her expression softening. She returned to facing the vast sea before replying. “It’s not that I enjoy poking my nose into anyone’s business—” “I didn’t say that.” “I know,” Yoona continued. “I’m just saying that friends should have each other’s backs. It’s not about causing pain and all that stuff about protecting. I just think that no matter what, friends would never choose to walk away and hide the truth.” “So what are we going to do now?” “I’m think I’m going to tell—” “Guys!!”

Yoona and Seohyun turned after hearing a familiar voice.

“Hyoyeon unnie,” Seohyun greeted. “Yo!” Hyoyeon approached her dongsaengs, an unfamiliar girl’s hand in hers. “Is Sooyoung unnie okay now?” Yoona asked. Hyoyeon shrugged. “I left Sunny with her. I expect someone to be injured by the time we get home.” Seohyun gasped. “Unnie… I think I should go and check up on them,” she told Yoona. “Nah! Don’t bother. I was just kidding. They’ll be fine,” Hyoyeon assured. “I hope.” She giggled. “Oh. This is Nicole by the way,” she continued, gesturing toward the girl she brought with her. Seohyun held out her hand. “I’m Seohyun. It’s nice to meet you.” Nicole took Seohyun’s hand with her free hand and shook it. “You, too.” “Hi.” Yoona waved. Nicole replied with a nod. “So what are you kids up to?” Hyoyeon asked, her eyes moving from Yoona to Seohyun. The two exchanged glances. “We were just talking, unnie,” Yoona answered. “About pranks again?” “No. Not this time.” “Cool! The sun’s setting!” Nicole pointed at the orange semi-circle in the distance.

Yoona took Seohyun’s hand and viewed the scene. The four of them marveled at the sinking ball of fire. They paused, took a step back from their present lives and just savored the moment. Though sunsets have occurred since the beginning of time, it was something different when viewed from the yacht’s deck. It seemed more important, like it had become the purpose of their journey.

It was almost the end of another day.

“Unnie,” Yoona muttered as she faced Hyoyeon. “Yes?” “Seohyun’s my girlfriend now.” Hyoyeon took awhile to reply. She tightened her grip on Nicole’s hand. “That’s so cute,” Nicole said with a smile. “Congratulations.” “Thank you,” Seohyun answered. Like Yoona, she was waiting for Hyoyeon’s reaction. Hyoyeon sighed. “Am I the first to know?” she asked. “Yes,” Yoona replied. “Are you mad, unnie?” “No. I’m happy for you guys.” “Really?” “Yeah… But you kids are crazy,” Hyoyeon replied with a laugh. She turned to Nicole. “I’m sorry that the first thing you had to learn about my friends is about them having girlfriends.” “It’s totally fine,” Nicole replied. “I guess this is what happens when you go to bar parties, right? Expect the unexpected?” Hyoyeon laughed. “You’re right.” “So how did you two meet, unnie?” Seohyun asked. Hyoyeon and Nicole faced each other and giggled. “So should I explain or will you?” Hyoyeon asked. Nicole pursed her lips. She faced Hyoyeon’s friends. “Uh, well… it was a long time ago.” “What?!”

Despite the noise from the crowd, Yoona’s raised voice managed to merit her a few glares. She ignored the alcohol-dependent beach-goers and went on with her cross-examination.

“You met a long time ago?! ‘Long’ doesn’t mean, like, half an hour ago or something, does it?” Nicole shook her head. “No. It was really a long time ago.” “Maybe two years or so?” Hyoyeon added. Seohyun eyed Hyoyeon’s hand in Nicole’s. As usual, she had pieced together another mystery. “Unnie, are the two of you…” “Huh?” Hyoyeon tilted her head. “Us? Uh, no… it’s not—” “That was a long time ago, too,” Nicole interrupted. She gave the flustered Hyoyeon a smile and turned her attention back to Yoona and Seohyun. “So you guys could probably imagine our surprise when we met here of all places. I guess we were just lucky. Meeting old friends on random yachts is just too good to be true.”

Yoona was speechless. She remained still, staring at both Hyoyeon and Nicole. “Yoong, it’s rude to stare,” Hyoyeon mumbled. Seohyun added a nudge. “Oh! I’m sorry, unnie,” Yoona replied with a bow. “I’m sorry, too, Nicole unnie.” Nicole covered her mouth, hiding a giggle. “Is something funny?” Seohyun asked on behalf of Yoona who was still stuck in a ninety-degree bow. “No. It’s just that—” “She’s two years my dongsaeng so she’s younger than you, Yoong.” Hyoyeon took the liberty of explaining. Yoona slowly returned to a straightened position. “Another dongsaeng?” she muttered, disappointment clearly in her tone. Nicole nodded. “Is something the matter?” Yoona sighed. “Forgive her,” Seohyun said. “She just doesn’t like being an unnie.” “Except yours,” Yoona added as she faced Seohyun. “Uh, yes,” Seohyun told Nicole. “What she said.” “How adorable,” Nicole commented. “Makes me wanna barf,” Hyoyeon mumbled with her head turned. “Extremely cheesy and— Ouch!” she screamed. Nicole had elbowed her side. “What was that for?!” “For being a mean unnie,” Nicole replied, frowning. “What? It’s true that they’re cheesy.” Nicole sighed. She released Hyoyeon’s hand and crossed her arms. “Being sweet is just fine, unnie. Maybe if you were like that before we could’ve… Never mind. I’m sorry.” Hyoyeon remained silent. Seohyun took the first step forward. She tugged on Yoona’s hand. “We’ll leave you two alone for awhile.” “Behave, unnie,” Yoona whispered into Hyoyeon’s ear as she passed. With her dongsaengs gone, Hyoyeon was left with her own silence. It cracked bit by bit when a blast of music came from a nearby speaker. The party had really begun. Unfortunately, she was no longer in the mood to be part of it. “I’m sorry if I said that, unnie,” Nicole said with her head down. “And I’m sorry if I still don’t know how to reply to it,” Hyoyeon replied. “You don’t have to. It was a long time ago.” “Yeah, but,” Hyoyeon lifted Nicole’s chin, “it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Can we start over? It’s been awhile since you moved, you know? I didn’t even know you were back in town. You didn’t call.” “How could I when you didn’t even give me a number to call?”

“Good point. So it really is my fault after all.” “It doesn’t matter. The years have passed.” Hyoyeon retracted her arm. She leaned on the ship’s side, her lower back pressed on the railing. “But we haven’t changed, have we?” “Not that much,” Nicole replied. “You still like cocktails.” Hyoyeon giggled. “Right. Hey, wanna watch the sunset with me?” “We already did.”

Hyoyeon straightened up and shrugged. She turned around to face the view. The sky had become dim, but a streak of orange ran through a set of clouds just above a chain of mountains in the distance.

“It’s not finished yet,” she told Nicole with a soft smile. “We can’t let it pass this time, okay?” “Okay, unnie. If you say so.”

The two stood shoulder-to-shoulder in silence – silence that was theirs – in the midst of the cheering strangers in the background and the flow of incomprehensible contemporary music. One more turn of the stereo’s knob could have sent the racket all the way back to the shore, probably beyond it where the ninth lodge’s front steps were.

Occupied with their own sense of time, Taeyeon and Tiffany sat side by side near the lodge’s front door. The blast of music from the yacht might not have reached them, but the bright orange spectacle was as clear from a distance as it was from the yacht’s deck.

They might not have been sailing toward the sunset but the farther they were from it, the more they assured themselves that they had a few minutes more, perhaps to talk and listen. Neither one wanted the day to end or for the night sky to reveal itself. Because making way for such would cause them to spend another day of sinking deeper into their worries. The sad fact was that they were both negotiating with forces beyond their being: Taeyeon with the man-made concept of time and Tiffany with the transcendent. The only source of relief they possessed was each other.

“Is it just me or is then sun taking too long?” Tiffany asked, hugging her knees. “It’s pretty cool. It’s like it’s waiting or something,” Taeyeon replied, bending backwards. She stretched her legs and rested her head against the door. “Maybe. Hey, TaeTae?” “Yeah?” “Thanks for today.”

Taeyeon turned her head to face Tiffany. She knew she would see the smile she longed for. “You’re welcome. You really had fun?” With her eyes forming crescents, Tiffany replied, “Of course. Ice cream, hotdogs and watching the sunset… everything was just fun.” “I’m glad that those hotdogs were enough for you. I really thought you would ask me to get something from Heechul unnie’s again.” “Nah. Anything’s okay, I guess.” “Okay. Next time, we’ll get something better to eat.” Tiffany laughed. “Like there are any other stalls here.” “We could look around or maybe I should ask Sunmi.”

Tiffany held her knees closer as she placed her chin in between them. She redirected her eyes toward the disappearing sun. It was almost like the mountains were consuming the ball of fire. “You two have gotten pretty close, huh?” she asked, almost in a mumble. “A little bit, I guess,” Taeyeon replied. She eyed Tiffany who curled herself up into a ball. “I know I said we wouldn’t talk about it, but… could we?” “About what? What we were mad about this afternoon?” “Yeah. You go first.” “Me?” “Yeah, you.”

Taeyeon no longer needed to gather her thoughts. She admitted that she was being overprotective of the girl she could not have. How depressing it was for her to tell herself that she shielded the one person she could not hold in her arms. What was worse was she could not help herself despite facing the man who probably could. The role fits him better. He’s a lifeguard. When this week ends I have to admit that as much as Fany is important to me, I can’t be the one who saves her. I can’t save her like he can.

“Are you gonna answer or not?” Tiffany asked. She had already changed to a proper sitting position similar to that of Taeyeon’s. “I can’t remember,” Taeyeon replied. It was another one of her lies. “Really?” “Yeah. What about you?”

As much as Tiffany wanted to expose her sentiments, she was only willing to do so if Taeyeon fulfilled her end of the conversation. The fact that she was not rewarded with Taeyeon’s honesty proved her theory: that it was a secret for a secret. Regardless of the reason, she could not blame Taeyeon for

keeping Sunmi a mystery when she, herself, had been denying every opportunity to confess. One of these days I’m going to tell you. Then maybe I’ll spend forever thinking whether showing you would have been better.

“I can’t remember, either,” she finally replied. “Oh. Okay then.” Taeyeon stood up and offered a hand. She pulled Tiffany up and they were once again face to face. “Thanks for coming with me today, Ti-ppany.” “You’re welcome. Next time, think of a better excuse than ‘I have to pee,’ okay?” Taeyeon smiled, her cheeks flushed. “I said I wanted to save you from drinking too much.” Tiffany raised an eyebrow. “That was lame, too.” “Ugh.” “Just kidding.”

CHAPTER 33 Proving herself right, Yuri opened the front door and found Taeyeon on the couch. The latter was fast asleep.

“So she ran off?” Jessica asked Yuri in a whisper. “I guess so,” Yuri replied. She closed the door after the others had entered. “But where’s Tiffany?” Hyoyeon asked. “Did she go with Taeng?” Yuri’s eyes moved from the couch toward Hyoyeon and answered, “I have a feeling she did.” “Uh, unnies… a little help?” Yoona struggled to say. She straightened up as she shifted Sooyoung’s weight on her shoulder. “Oh. Sorry, Yoong.” Yuri quickly stepped in to support Sooyoung’s drooping arm. She let it dangle around her neck while trying to keep their drunken friend standing. “Poor wasted girl,” Hyoyeon muttered. She spent a few seconds looking at Sooyoung’s reddish face. Then she turned to her friends. “Is it okay if I leave for awhile? I have to help Nicole get home.” Yuri seemed surprised. “She’s still here?!” “Yeah. She’s outside.” Yuri looked over her shoulder and saw the door she closed. “And you didn’t bring her in?” “Well, it was her idea. I mean—” “She might think we’re snobs!” Hyoyeon giggled. “Nah. Don’t worry. Anyway, can I go? I‘ll be back really quick.” “Fine with me,” Jessica answered.

“Yeah. Go,” Sunny added. “Thank her again for saving us leftovers from the party.” “Will do,” Hyoyeon replied. “Thanks guys. I’ll see you later.”

Seohyun opened the door for her unnie and closed it afterwards. She saw a glimpse of a smiling Nicole before the door covered the doorway with a click.

“Let’s go, Yoong,” Yuri told her dongsaeng. She took the first step forward, still shouldering half of Sooyoung’s weight. “About time, unnie,” Yoona mumbled.

The two took little steps, being careful not to lose their balance. They headed for the room across from Jessica’s.

“Unnie, maybe we should fix the table for dinner now,” Seohyun told Sunny. “Oh. Sure,” Sunny replied, recovering her attention from the view of the drunken Sooyoung’s back. She held the paper bags filled with leftovers close to her chest. “Sica, go look for Fany, okay?” “Yeah. She’s probably just in my room anyway.”

Sunny nodded. She turned and followed Seohyun to the kitchen. She could distinctly smell seafood from inside the bags she carried. In her thoughts, she thanked Hyoyeon’s friend for supplying them with food of a different flavor, particularly one that would drown the seemingly permanent taste of noodles and rice cakes that occupied her mouth since day one.

Jessica was left with Taeyeon in the living room. She sat on the couch’s arm and ran her fingers through her friend’s hair. “Sneaky, sneaky Taeng,” she whispered. Taeyeon’s rising and sinking chest lost rhythm. She opened her eyes. “Sica?” she mumbled. “Yeah. It’s me.” Taeyeon rubbed her eyes and released a long yawn. She sat up and faced Jessica. “Everyone’s back?” “Uh-huh. Did you have a nice dream?” “Dream? Oh. Well, it’s always the same anyway.” “Ah. Awake or asleep it’s still her, huh?” Taeyeon nodded. “Sorry I woke you up.” “It’s okay. At least I know where I can see her. I just have to tire myself enough so I drift to sleep faster, right?”

Jessica poked her friend’s forehead. “Babo. You’re better off seeing her here in the real world.” “No, I’m not. Here, time moves too fast. Look, it’s evening already.” “That’s ‘cause you probably slept the afternoon away!” “I didn’t. I fell asleep, like, around two hours ago or something.” “Two hours ago? After the sunset?” “Yeah. After that.” A teasing grin formed on Jessica’s lips. “You took Tiffany with you to see the sunset! You guys had a date!” “What the—No! It wasn’t a date.” “Okay. So it wasn’t a date. But what did you guys do?” “Nothing much. We ate ice cream and had lunch.” Jessica sighed, her joy having quickly dissipated. She left the couch’s arm and sat on the spot next to Taeyeon. She patted her friend’s back. “If you wanted to take her out, you should’ve told us so we wouldn’t have been so worried.” “But I thought what I do or what she does is none of your business anymore?” “Yeah, but this isn’t about that. It’s not about your whole relationship thing. I’m saying that we worry about you guys as your friends, too, not just matchmakers. Get it?” Taeyeon nodded. “That reminds me. Fany said you two talked?” Jessica retracted her arm and leaned back. “Yeah. What about it?” “What was it about?”

Jessica hesitated to answer. She recalled the relief she experienced upon hearing Tiffany’s ‘I want her to be,’ and as much as she believed it, as much as she wanted Taeyeon to hear it, she felt the need to keep her end of the promise. No, she denied in her thoughts. It’s not about promising not to tell. It’s about giving Taeng false hope.

She wrestled with the fact that Tiffany hadn’t made a choice. Their talk on the cliff was nothing but just that: a talk. It wasn’t enough to give Taeyeon the benefit of happiness just yet. What bothered her even more was the bookmarked page. It wasn’t something she could tell Taeyeon, either.

“I can’t tell you,” she replied nonetheless. “I promised her.” “Okay. But was it about me?” “Even if it was, I wouldn’t tell you.” The look of disbelief on Taeyeon’s face dwindled into a smile not too long after. “Fine. I respect that,” she assured Jessica. Something told her nothing would make Jessica budge. “But I’ll tell you something else,” Jessica offered. “What?”

“She was kinda weird when she was trying to get crumbs off of my face. Like she was embarrassed or something.” Taeyeon blinked. She frowned. “Embarrassed? I don’t get it.” “You know… like it was an awkward moment for us. Come on. You should know how these things go!” “What, like she thought you two were being sweet? Like a couple?” Jessica slowly nodded. “Weird, right?” “Sica, if you have feelings for her—” “Woah! No! That’s not what I meant!” Taeyeon bit her lip. She slapped herself once with both hands and groaned. Jessica laughed. “Is half of you still asleep or something?” She waved a hand in front of Taeyeon’s face. “Hello?” Taeyeon swatted her friend’s hand away. “No. I’m awake. It’s just… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” “Darn right you shouldn’t have! You shouldn’t have thought it in the first place! What’s wrong with you?” “I don’t know. I guess I feel bad that she told you something she couldn’t tell me.” “I thought you said you respect the fact that I can’t tell you. You said so a few minutes ago.” Taeyeon responded with a glare. “Come on, Sica. Do you honestly believe I wouldn’t be jealous?” “Well, I’m not—” “And now she spends more time trying to get stuff off of your face, too!” “Taeng! It’s not like that. I’m sure she doesn’t—” “She likes you more than me!” Jessica grabbed Taeyeon’s shoulders and pinned her down on the couch. “Shut up! That’s not what I’m trying to say!” Taeyeon grumbled, her eyes exposing her worry. “I didn’t tell you this because I wanted you to get jealous,” Jessica explained. “I told you this so you would be more careful. I know everyone agreed not to get all up in your business, but this is the last time you’ll hear it from me, okay? I promise.” “What are you saying, Sica?” “I’m saying that it doesn’t matter who it is. She just won’t give in. If somewhere in your mind you’re asking yourself what’s wrong with you or why she can’t love you for who you are, I’m telling you that it’s not you. It’s her. Understand? There’s no way that she acted like that because she likes me more than you. It’s not that. It’s just that she knows what paths are right and who makes them right. Maybe she won’t ever change.”

Taeyeon lied on her back, defenseless. She had nothing to say. After a meaningful day with Tiffany, she felt her spirits rise, and just when she was about to get back up on the horse, Jessica grabbed her by the shoulders and pinned her back down. She didn’t blame her friend. On the contrary, she blamed herself for being easily swayed by Tiffany’s warm smile, her welcoming arms, her sweet way of saying ‘Thank you, TaeTae.’

Jessica released Taeyeon and got back to leaning on the couch’s backrest. She pinched the couch’s arm, waiting for Taeyeon’s reply. “You’re right, Sica,” Taeyeon mumbled as she sat up. “Maybe she won’t ever change.” “Sorry if it’s too depressing, Taeng.” “No. It’s okay. It’s good that you reminded me. It just makes me want to work even harder.” “What are you talking about?” “I’m not going to tell you,” Taeyeon replied. She flashed a wide smile. “’Cause you can’t get in the way of whatever I’m up to, remember?” “Fine. Yeah. None of us can get in the way of whatever you’re planning. And obviously, this one has Tiff in the center again. Well, what the heck? Go for it. No matter what anyone says, you two are just perfect together. You can’t deny that.” Taeyeon raised a finger. “But she can. That’s the problem.” Jessica lowered Taeyeon’s hand. “Whatever happens, she won’t leave you. We won’t leave you.” “It’s not about her leaving me. That’s going to happen someday. Probably. What worries me is how long she can stay.” Jessica stood up and held out her hand. “What should worry you is filling that tummy of yours. Let’s go. It’s time for dinner.” Taeyeon took Jessica’s hand and released another breath of air. She stood up. “Thanks. I’m glad we had this talk.” “Me, too.”

Following Jessica’s advice, Taeyeon made her way to the kitchen first. Jessica passed Yuri and Yoona as she approached her room to get Tiffany. “You okay?” Yuri asked. She cupped Jessica’s cheek. “Of course,” Jessica answered. “I’ll get Tiffany and meet you guys in the kitchen, okay?” “Okay!” Yoona cheered. She grabbed the hand Yuri used to cup Jessica’s cheek and pulled it down. “You guys can be sweeter later. If you ask nicely, I probably won’t even sleep in your room tonight.” “Yoong, not so loud,” Yuri muttered. Yoona grinned. “Sorry. Anyway, let’s go. The faster we finish dinner, the faster the two of you can go to bed.” She winked at her unnies. “If you know what I mean.”

Jessica rolled her eyes and giggled. “Those things in that head of yours better be for your age or else.” “Yes, yes. I was just teasing.” “By the way,” Yuri cut in. “It looks like Sooyoung’s really not feeling that well.” “Duh. She drank too much,” Jessica replied, raising an eyebrow. “I mean she might end up getting a fever.” “Oh. Well, Seohyun has that first aid kit, right?” Jessica turned to Yoona. “I’ll ask her if she has medicine later, unnie,” Yoona answered. “Check up on Sooyoung after you get Tiffany, okay?” Yuri requested. Jessica nodded. “Sure thing. We’ll meet you at the kitchen.”

After Yuri and Yoona left, Jessica proceeded to her room. She found Tiffany sitting by their bags, her head lowered and her hair covering her face. She slowly approached her friend. “Tiff?” Tiffany jerked upwards, obviously startled by Jessica’s presence. She grabbed her bag, opened a pocket and closed it all in one swift move. She stood up and rubbed her eyes much like how Taeyeon did when she woke up. Then she cleared her throat and greeted Jessica back. “Hi.” “Hi,” Jessica replied. “What were you doing?” “Nothing. Reading.” “Uh-huh? Nothing and reading? Are you okay?” “Yeah. Sure,” Tiffany answered. “Is everyone back already?” “We’re all here. You sure there’s nothing wrong? You seem jumpy.” Tiffany shook her head. “Wrong? No. Of course not.” “O-kay… Well, everyone’s in the kitchen for dinner. Wanna go grab a bite now?” “Oh. Okay then. Thanks.” Jessica held the door open and let Tiffany exit first. She had a feeling she should have asked more questions…

“Go on ahead. I’m going to check on Sooyoung. She drank too much.”

… But she didn’t.

Tiffany nodded. “Wait. She got wasted?! And I missed it?!” Jessica laughed. “Yes. You missed it for the sunset, missy.” “The sun—TaeTae told you?”

“She didn’t. I guessed. Why? Is something wrong with you and her seeing the sunset? I think it’s sweet.” “Ye-yeah. It was. I mean… you know…” “No, I don’t. But anyway, don’t worry about it. It wasn’t a date or anything, right?” “Of course not!” “Gee. You’re such a denial queen today, aren’t you?” “I’m not!” Jessica took one step closer toward her flustered friend and pinched her cheek. “Miyoung’s got love problems.” Tiffany frowned and pursed her lips. “Shut up, Sooyeon.” Jessica grinned as she released Tiffany’s cheek. “Fine. Just get your butt to the kitchen and eat. I’ll ask Sooyoung if she wants anything. If she can still move that is.” “First it was sarcasm and now you’re just plain teasing me, aren’t you? You’re pretty happy.” “Yeah. I kinda am. You should try being happy some time, too. You can make that choice anytime, you know? Taeng’s not going anywhere. You can tell her right now if you want to—” “I’m gonna go see what’s for dinner. I’ll see you at the kitchen.”

Jessica was left with nothing but Tiffany’s out-of-topic reply. She entered the room across from hers and found Sooyoung on the bed, her arms and legs spread.

“Choi Sooyoung!” she shouted at the sleeping figure. “What is it?” Sooyoung replied, her speech slurred. “You’re awake… Want something to eat?” Sooyoung tried to sit up and fell back down, her head landing squarely on the pillow. “Uh… Soonkyu.” “I beg your pardon?” “Soonkyu…” “O-kay? Uh, I’ll go get her then.”

Jessica exited the room and headed for the kitchen. She found everyone gathered around the dining table, snacking on the crab meat and the shrimp. Only Taeyeon was out of sight.

“Where’s Taeng?” “She left awhile ago, unnie,” Seohyun answered. Jessica stole a glance at Tiffany’s reaction. She saw her friend lower her head in response to the youngest’s revelation. “Did she say where she was going?”

“No. But she said she won’t take long.” “I’m sure she’s okay, Sica,” Yuri added. She gave her girlfriend a reassuring smile. “All right,” Jessica replied. She met Sunny’s eyes next. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Sunny asked, fearing for her life from how Jessica was staring at her. “Grab a plate, put one of everything on it and follow me,” Jessica ordered. “But why should I—” “Now, Soonkyu.” “Okay, okay.” Sunny gathered the necessary utensils, put one of every kind of seafood from the paper bag and followed Jessica closely from behind. “What are you going to make me do?” she asked. “Someone wants to talk to you.” Sunny came to a halt. “Sooyoungie wants to talk to me?” Jessica turned around. They were almost at the door. “Yeah. She kept calling out for you when I checked up on her.” “She’s drunk. She’s bound to say a lot of things, Sica.” “I know. And your name just happened to be one of them. You do know how the truth comes out when people are drunk, right? I say you should take this opportunity to get your answers. Isn’t that what you’ve been dying to do all day?” “Yeah, but she’s—” Jessica approached Sunny and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Yes. She’s wasted. Really wasted. So feel free to steal a kiss, too. Have fun,” she whispered.

Sunny couldn’t establish a reply. Jessica left her before she could open her mouth.

She faced the door and took her time to inhale a new breath of air. With the plate of food secured by one hand, she opened the door with the other. She found Sooyoung slouching, her head resting on the bed’s head board.

“Sooyoungie?” “Soonkyu…” Sunny approached the bedside table and left the plate on top of it. Then she sat beside the disoriented Sooyoung. “You wanted to talk to me?” she asked. “Ye-yeah… Soonkyu, I’m sorry. I didn’t… you know…” “I’m sorry, too, Sooyoungie. I shouldn’t have slapped you.”

“You… said that… already.” “Huh? I did?” Sooyoung smiled. It was crooked. “Yeah… I heard… on the boat…” “The boat? So you weren’t sleeping!” Sooyoung shook her head, the silly smile still on her face. “You called me short!” “No…I didn’t…” “Yeah! You did! You said, ‘Soonkyu… so short.’ I heard it!” “No… I was thinking of… another… thing.” “Like what?” Sooyoung leaned forward. She dragged her body, the struggle clearly shown on her face. “What are you doing now?” Sunny asked, as she noticed the space between her and her friend lessen. Sooyoung gave another smile. She cupped Sunny’s cheek and tried to keep her eyes open. “Sooyoungie, I’m not ready for another—” “I’m not… gonna… kiss you… Soonkyu.” “Then what are you—” Sooyoung’s hand slipped downwards, her fingertips finally colliding with Sunny’s lips. She gently traced them. Her weak control over her body was apparent and the alcohol in her breath, even more. “It was so short, Soonkyu…” “What was?” “Your… lips… Touching them with…” Sooyoung trailed off. She fell back down on the bed. “Sooyoungie, wake up! I don’t get it!” There was no response. “I have to tell Sica she was wrong,” Sunny whispered to herself. She positioned herself next to the unconscious Sooyoung, lied down and rolled on her side. “You can’t get the truth from drunken people when they can’t even stay up long enough to answer anything.”

She traced Sooyoung’s cheek with her index finger and smiled.

“When you wake up, you have to tell me what that short thing was about, Choi Sooyoung.”

Silence.

“Whatever,” Sunny continued. “For all I know, you’re still awake. You silly idiot.” “I’m not an idiot, Soonkyu…”

Sunny almost laughed. She didn’t expect to be right. Sooyoung opened her eyes. She wet her dry lips with the tip of her tongue and tried to smile again. “Okay. You’re not an idiot,” Sunny said, still tracing Sooyoung’s cheek. “Thanks,” Sooyoung replied. She lifted her arm slowly and pointed at the bedside table. “Hey… feed me what’s on the plate, will ya?” “Don’t tell me you pretended to be drunk to get me here to feed you!” “I didn’t! I’m really wasted! Can’t you tell?” Sunny sat up and eyed Sooyoung’s messy self. “What if you’re just acting?” “Just feed me, Soonkyu.”

CHAPTER 34 The appetizing crab meat she consumed reminded her of a terrible miscalculation. She almost fell off of her chair upon realizing it.

“I forgot to get her dinner,” she mumbled as she walked. “Dammit.”

Taeyeon paid no mind to the heavily lit beach she treaded on. Time was running and, aside from the thought of Tiffany, it was all she wanted to give value to. What Jessica told her didn’t bother her as much as what she had to do to fulfill her intentions for the rest of the week. She was knocked off the horse even before she could put one leg over the saddle, or so she thought. She realized that there was no horse. It didn’t matter. She wanted to at least show Tiffany her convictions no matter what the cost, with the exception of time, of course. That was what she could not afford to exhaust.

“Took you long enough, unnie.” “What—Sunmi?” Sunmi emerged from the shelter of a nearby palm tree. She greeted Taeyeon with a wave. “It took you awhile. I thought you weren’t going to get Tiffany unnie dinner anymore.” Taeyeon caught her breath. “How did you know I was—” “Duh. You said you were going to see Heechul unnie so I figured you would need backup.” “You scared me.” Sunmi giggled. “It’s a little late for you to be saying that. Isn’t it, unnie? You should’ve said that first when you saw me!” “Right. Uh, sorry. Anyway, I forgot to get her dinner. I fell asleep and I just—” “Then we should hurry!” Sunmi took Taeyeon’s hand. “Why are you still telling me about it when she’s probably starving right now?!”

Taeyeon pulled Sunmi back before she could take another step. “No. She’s not starving. Our friends brought us dinner from the party so…” Sunmi’s shoulder fell as she viewed Taeyeon’s expression. As observant as she was, she failed to identify what the slight frowning was for. “Unnie,” she said. “Is everything not going according to plan?” “It’s not that.” “Then what’s got you down?” “I just feel like I owe you a lot. I could’ve given up a few minutes ago. After what Sica told me and stuff… But then I thought of you. I guess I just want to thank you for the support. I never would’ve gotten back up if it wasn’t for you. You kinda showed me how simple things are.” “I don’t think I deserve that kind of thanks, unnie. The decision was up to you so the fact that you’re doing all of these things is because of you. Not me.” Taeyeon shook her head. “It’s because of you. Really.” Sunmi beamed. “Okay. I’ll thank you for saying it a second time then.” “You’re such a weird kid.” “Yeah, well…”

After a walk filled with more giggles and Tiffany-teasing, they were once again before their Heechul unnie’s splendor.

“Ah. We’re closing early tonight,” Heechul told them straight up. “I just need a quick favor,” Taeyeon replied. “Mind stepping out of there so we can talk properly?” “Okay. Hey, Hanny!” Heechul called out. Hankyung emerged from the kitchen. “What is it, Chullie?” “Watch the stall for awhile.” “Wait here for a bit, Sunmi,” Taeyeon similarly instructed her dongsaeng. “Okay~ I get to play with Hankyung oppa!” Heechul was already standing next to Taeyeon. “Don’t go all pedo while I’m gone, Hanny,” he said with a glare. Hankyung was wide-eyed. “Chu-Chullie! Of course not!” “Just kidding. Let’s go, Taeyeon. We’ll walk near the waves. I sense drama around what you’re going to tell me,” he said, flipping his hair back. “Not really. I was just going to— ” “Yeah, yeah. Save it for the seaside, kid.” And with that, they were on their way to visit the waves. The nighttime beach was once again another place. It had morphed into a more crowded spot. It was noisier and brighter compared to three days ago. For Taeyeon, it was like seeing the end of the tunnel. She felt lighter.

Once by the shore, they saw the foams glisten as they were touched by the light that emanated from a nearby bonfire.

Taeyeon opened the conversation: “I was just wondering if you can let me cook at your stall tomorrow.” “Why? You can just order,” Heechul replied. “No. I want to make something special this time. For someone.” “Ah. That friend of yours?”

During the short amount of time that she spent with Sunmi’s support, Taeyeon had gone crazy. And she knew it. There was nothing to care about anymore. It could either have been her fear of confessing and being rejected or just simply what they called ‘love.’ Maybe it was that mysterious hype she started to feel all those years ago when Tiffany would say the simplest things like ‘hi.’ Maybe it was that heightened sense of carefreeness she experienced every day with Tiffany’s hand in hers. Or maybe it was that simple something that she forgot about when the world made it so complicated for them to be together. Maybe it was all of those rolled into one ‘maybe.’

Whatever it is, I don’t care who knows anymore. Except… maybe her.

“Yeah. For her,” Taeyeon replied. “Good luck,” was Heechul’s reply.

They stood in silence, playing with the waves by use of their toes. They were both lost in two different set of thoughts: Taeyeon with Tiffany and Heechul with his own life. An invisible thread tied them together, sinking deeper into their skin and latching on to their hearts.

“She wanted to apologize to you, by the way,” Taeyeon told Heechul. “But I guess she couldn’t do it when she was with everyone.” Heechul laughed. “Why would she feel the need to apologize? She just said what she wanted to say. I have no problem with that.” “Yeah, but she feels guilty that she sized you up. Don’t get the wrong idea, though. She didn’t mean to.” “Tell her to stop worrying. That kind of thing is too small for me to care about.” “That’s what Hankyung oppa said.” “And he’s right. All I know is that what’s in front of me, I can take if I want to. If it doesn’t want to be taken then tough luck for me. Too bad, right? But that’s it. None of that invisible being watching your every move crap. Live life, I say. Keep it simple.”

Taeyeon took in the passing breeze and smiled. “If I tell her that and it makes sense to her, I swear I’ll make it up to you until I die, unnie!” “You’re crazy, kid,” Heechul replied with a smirk. He rubbed the back of his neck and faced forward, taking in the nighttime view of the sea. “You’ve got it bad.” “You’re right, unnie. I do have it bad. Worse than I ever imagined. I’m not just stupid. I’m crazy, too!” Taeyeon started laughing, releasing her sanity together with everything she had been holding back. Like Sooyoung, she was tired of trying to protect. At the same time, she was not ready to take the full blow of the pain. She was still a scaredy-cat.

“I knew there would be drama,” Heechul mumbled. He watched Taeyeon force the laughter out. He felt proud and sorry at the same time. Good luck, he thought again.

Round after round, Taeyeon’s voice broke into smaller gasps of air as the tears rolled down her cheeks. No one saw. Not even her Heechul unnie.

If she could not say anything then she figured she would just get up and say ‘to hell with this,’ All she was banking on was doing as many things as she could so Tiffany would see, feel, but never hear just how much of herself she had lost all throughout the years because of so-called forbidden love. Three more days to show you, Fany-ah. And forever to spare so you won’t ever hear.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Heechul asked after Taeyeon turned silent. “Yeah. Early ‘cause I wanna bring her breakfast in bed. I guess I have to do something for lunch and dinner, too. I hope that’s okay.” Heechul laughed again. He patted Taeyeon’s back. “Go for it. Pamper your Cinderella… while you still can.” “Cinderella… Right.” Heechul placed a hand on Taeyeon’s shoulder. He gave a softer version of his usual smirk. “You know, if she feels like saying sorry for what she told me then maybe it's because she can't stand up for it. Who knows? Maybe she doesn't really believe in that stuff. You might stand a better chance.” “I don’t know, unnie. Maybe.” Heechul retracted his arm. He released a breath. “I really hate it when people beat around the bush. Tsk. I think I’ll help you make that breakfast an extra nice one. Let’s knock her off of her feet, yeah?” Taeyeon giggled. “Yeah! Let’s do it!” Heechul cheered, straying away from his cold image. “Then you’ll be right there to catch her. It’s perfect.”

Taeyeon replied with a smile, the tears on the corner of her eyes attaching themselves to her eyelashes instead of falling. “Okay, unnie. I’ll try to make you proud.” They walked back to the stall and found Sunmi pouncing on Hankyung. “Oppa! Apron!” “No! This is the only one I have!” “Please?~” “But you said you like purple! This is blue!” “Yeah, but that’s close enough to purple!” Heechul approached the two who were rolling on the stall’s floor. “Hanny! I told you not to go pedo!” Hankyung shook his head while blocking his chest from Sunmi’s attacks. “No way! She came onto me first!” Taeyeon pulled her dongsaeng up by the arm. “I’m sorry, oppa. She’ll behave next time.” She turned to her dongsaeng. “Right, Sunmi?” “Yes, unnie.” “We’ll see you tomorrow, Taeyeon,” Heechul reminded. “Take care on your way back.” “Thank you. Good night.” Taeyeon and Sunmi started to walk back. They heard the couple’s last few sentences before they got too far from the stall. “Tomorrow?” Hankyung asked. “Yeah. She’s a sweet kid, Hanny.” “What?” “Never mind.” Being the pretend appa, Taeyeon decided to walk Sunmi back to the sixth lodge again. Her dongsaeng was unusually silent. “Sunmi?” “Yes, unnie?” Taeyeon came to a halt. She took her dongsaeng’s hand and tugged on it. “Let’s sit down for awhile,” she said with a smile. “Oh. Okay.” Like how she and Tiffany were sitting on their lodge’s front steps, Taeyeon took the same position on the dry sand. Once she and Sunmi were side by side, viewing how the tides were changing, she released her dongsaeng’s hand. “Tomorrow, it’s gonna be even more serious,” she said. “Are you ready for it, unnie?”

“Ready? I’m never ready. Ever since I can remember, things have been thrown my way and I just catch them.” “So that means you’re giving—” “No. I’m not giving up. I’m not letting you down after all the things you did for me and I’m not going to let Heechul unnie down, either. Somehow, I realized that I’ve been lying to Fany. And that isn’t good, is it?” Sunmi shook her head. “Right,” Taeyeon replied. “So to make up for it, I guess I’ll have to do even more.” Sunmi was silent, but she gave Taeyeon a smile. “What’s wrong?” Taeyeon asked. Sunmi shook her head. “Nothing. I was just thinking about Sohee, That’s all.” “Ah. Is she okay now?” “Yeah. She’s not as red anymore. I think she can probably manage to move by tomorrow.” “That’s good. Oh. How are the others, by the way? Didn’t they worry when you got off of the yacht?” “Well, Yoobin unnie got mad at me because I didn’t tell her where I was going. It wasn’t so bad. She’s just really protective.” Taeyeon laughed. “Yeah. I learned that the hard way.” “Sorry about that again.” “No, no. It’s fine. You should be happy that your friends protect you all the time. Not everyone has it that way, you know?” Sunmi nodded. She tried to put on a smile. Taeyeon frowned. “What’s really wrong with you? Is it because of me?” She quickly stood up and offered a hand. “Do you have to get home now? I can walk you now if you want—” “Sit down, unnie. Relax,” Sunmi replied as she looked up. “But—” “I’m okay. I’m just nervous, I guess. I mean, like you said, tomorrow’s gonna be more serious. I’m just scared that you might… I dunno.” Taeyeon squatted and patted her dongsaeng’s head. “Hey. If I get hurt, it doesn’t mean I’m going to die or anything. Pain comes all the time.” Sunmi raised an eyebrow. “If you’re so positive about it then why not just confess to Tiffany unnie?! If you’re so okay with pain then why don’t you just—I’m sorry. I… didn’t mean to say it like that. I just—” “Yeah. You’re right,” Taeyeon admitted. “I’m not being brave. That much should be obvious. Heck. I’m laying only half of my feelings for her out there. You wanna know why?” “Why?”

Taeyeon smiled, the curving of her lips radiating. “It’s because I know she might not have any feelings to return. When that happens, at least I’ll have the other half of mine to give to her. Like another shot. It’s not like I don’t love her with my whole heart. It’s just that with her, things are always so complicated. So I thought about it like this…” She paused to carefully position herself. She tried to shift her weight equally on both of her legs so she would not tire from squatting. “Since it’s so hard to understand her,” she continued, “I thought maybe I can be the first one who can. And just flat-out telling her that I love her is too simple. I know that that’s what they say. That if you love someone you have to give your all and stuff like that. But how often does it work? Right? I dunno. Maybe I should try something different. Am I making sense?” Sunmi blinked. Her suggested response was bordering on wanting to slap Taeyeon as hard as she could and slapping Taeyeon as much as she wanted to. She looked Taeyeon straight in the eye and said, “Or you’re just plain scared.” Taeyeon took a few seconds to reply. “Right, unnie?” Taeyeon plopped herself down on the sand again. She sighed. “Fine. I’m scared.” Sunmi’s eyes moved from her unnie to the barely visible, foaming waves before them. “I know I said a lot of things about positivity and going for it,” she started in a mumble, “but if it’s just going to turn you into some scaredy-cat then I’d rather you not do what I suggested.” She faced Taeyeon and tried not to stutter. “I thought you were set on this, unnie. I thought you were actually going to get tired of keeping your feelings behind planned secret dates and just tell Tiffany unnie how you feel. By now, I thought you would’ve noticed how she’s been waiting for you.” “Waiting for me? What do you mean?”

Sunmi stood up and took one more snapshot of the calm waters with her eyes. She planned to keep the image until her slumber, hoping it would help her to be as calm.

“Seriously, what are you talking about?” Taeyeon asked again. Sunmi held out her hand. “Let’s go. I’ll walk you to your lodge, unnie.” Taeyeon stared at her dongsaeng’s hand. “It’s getting late,” Sunmi continued. “You have to wake up early tomorrow, too.”

Without a word, Taeyeon accepted the offer and stood up. With Sunmi’s hand in hers, she lost herself in thought as they took step after step. Waiting for me? Me?

Sunmi faced forward. She had seen both sides: Taeyeon’s fear and Tiffany’s fear. They were almost the same and yet entirely different. As confusing as it sounded, she knew that the difference was not so much because of the fear itself. The only thing she took note of was who faced the fear.

Taeyeon and Tiffany were different people with one love and one fear of it.

They arrived at the ninth lodge not too long after. The sands had barely shifted, unlike those in hourglasses. Sunmi noticed that, too.

“Get a good night’s rest, unnie,” she reminded. Taeyeon nodded. The warmth of Sunmi’s hand escaped hers and she felt her fingers twitch, as if they had lost something valuable. "Thanks, Sunmi. I'm glad you waited out there for me—Wait. Why didn't you just meet me here? At our lodge? Who knows what could've happened to you while you were waiting by that tree alone?" "Well, I didn't want to bother you and Tiffany unnie. Besides, I don't think she likes me." "Fany? Of course she likes you." "Nuh-uh. She looks at me like she's mad at me. She's pretty obvious" "Nah. Maybe she was just in a bad mood." "No, unnie. Don't you see where this is going?" "Uh... no?" "It means she's probably jealous of me spending time with you. It's the only logical reason!" "Her? Jealous? Well... She has been acting weird." "See? Do you get it now? It means she cares about you! This is what I meant awhile ago. She’s probably just waiting for you to say you care, too." "Whether that's true or not, I still don't want her to be mad at you,” Taeyeon replied. She stared at the front door as if Tiffany was standing right behind it, and then got back to Sunmi. “If you want, I'll talk to her about how she treats you." "No. Don't. This was the way it was supposed to go anyway, right?" "This way? What do you mean?" "With the summer fling thing. That was probably what the other unnies wanted, right? To use me to make Tiffany unnie jealous?" "Sunmi, that's not it. They wanted me to get over her. It just turned out to be—Look, like I said, I didn't want to involve you. And right now, I'm sorry that you ended up getting involved after all." "Don't apologize, unnie. You should be happy. Tiffany unnie obviously cares about you. Even enough to be jealous of me." "We don't know that. Maybe she's just--" "Why are you denying it? You should be happy."

"I should be, but you—” "Me? This isn't about me, unnie. When this week ends, you won't even see me again." "Sunmi, don't say that. I don't want to forget—” "But you have to. And everything I said… You have to forget those, too. Just like how I’ve been requesting it since we met." “I won’t. I don’t care if you’re telling me to, either. Why are you acting this way?” Sunmi shook her head. “Unnie…” “Please just tell me.” “I don’t know. I’m scared, too… Kinda.” Taeyeon clicked her tongue and pulled her dongsaeng into an embrace. She took a big breath and started to say: “Thank you for worrying. I know we don’t know each other that well, but these past few days have been great. You saved me from a lot of things… From guilt, from depression, from regret. If ever Fany accepts me then she’ll have you to thank. If she doesn’t then—” “Unnie, that’s what I’m scared—” “No. Don’t be. If she rejects me then you have nothing to do with it. If she doesn’t see how much I care about her then it’ll be all on me. I promise I won’t hold it against you. I promise that I won’t blame you for anything.” Sunmi relaxed her neck. She let her chin fall on Taeyeon’s shoulder. She took in Taeyeon’s sweet scent as her nose brushed up and down the shoulder she was leaning on while she nodded in reply. Taeyeon stroked Sunmi’s back. She whispered, “You’re the one who told me not to worry, remember?” “Yeah. I guess I did say that,” Sunmi muttered in reply. She wasn’t so sure about meaning it anymore. “Right. So you should know that you have nothing to worry about, either. Especially if it’s about me. I won’t worry if you won’t. That’s how much I’ve learned to trust you. I hope you can learn to trust me back. It’s a bit too fast, but I can say we’re friends.”

Sunmi swallowed. She felt the pit of her stomach turn upside down, as if the roof of her mouth was then the bottom part of her anatomy. She couldn’t say a word.

Taeyeon pulled away and smiled. She poked Sunmi’s cheek. “Smile for me, will ya?” Sunmi giggled, her eyes regaining their usual luster. She smiled upon Taeyeon’s request. “Wow. It works on you, too,” Taeyeon commented. “I guess it’s a pretty good technique, unnie,” Sunmi replied. “So you’re okay now?” “Of course. Thanks for being honest with me, unnie. I guess I was scared about nothing.”

“Yeah. You were. I wouldn’t be a good appa if I put the blame on my daughter, right?” Taeyeon finished with a laugh. “Right. Anyway, I have to go. I bet the unnies are worried already. Plus, I still have to make Sohee her juice.” Taeyeon nodded. “Okay. Take care on your way back. Or do you want me to walk you back?” “No. It’s okay. Rest up instead. I’ll meet you at Heechul unnie’s tomorrow. You need help with cooking, don’t you, unnie?” Taeyeon stroked her chin. “Yeah. I might.” Sunmi took her first step back. “Good. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Good night.” “Good night.”

Sunmi took two more steps back, still facing Taeyeon as if taking a snapshot of her, too. Then she turned afterwards and headed for her lodge.

Having had enough for the day, Taeyeon decided to turn in. She found the living room deserted when she opened the door.

“Hwaiting! Kim Taeyeon… Hwaiting!” she chanted after plopping herself down on the couch.

The nap she took that afternoon proved to be insufficient. Her body broke down, left vulnerable and weak. This was all Kim Taeyeon could offer. This was all Kim Taeyeon could take in the battle against Tiffany’s ‘god’ and the full brunt of societal drama. But her will was stronger than her small frame. What her body lacked, she made up for with her decisions. I’m going to show you Hwang Miyoung. I’m going to show you… for sure.

She drifted to sleep as easily as she breathed. The shift to unconsciousness was almost instant.

“You didn’t brush your teeth again,” went a voice from the kitchen entrance.

CHAPTER 35 Tiffany approached the couch with her small book. Her reading led her to more questions and despite what Siwon said about someone always listening, no one seemed to answer. Despite gaining new insight from her lifeguard-turned-bartender friend, something stronger had her feeling like she needed something more. She was slowly losing her head just like how she was losing her grip on the girl she watched sleeping on the couch.

“Kim Taeyeon…” she muttered. “Taeyeon-ah…” On the verge of crying, she fell to her knees. She silently said Taeyeon’s name repeatedly, clutching the small book with her trembling hand. She wanted Kim Taeyeon. She wanted to say it out loud. But what happens if I do?

No one answered that question, either.

With tears lining her cheeks, she rested her head on the couch, almost letting it touch part of Taeyeon’s arm. She sobbed, breaking down like Taeyeon’s body. But they were opposites. Her body was solid, filled with energy, while her mind was in disarray. She hadn’t made any decisions of her own, contrary to what Jessica and the others thought. She was lost in the teachings. She went down paths, following words and sermons. Why she did was another big unanswered question. That sad fact left her hopeless. There was only one thing she could do. Ironically, it was what she was taught to do, one of the other things she was lost in. She prayed.

“I owe you for bringing her into this world. And I thank you for letting her enter my life, for letting her become a big part of it. But right now, I realized that her existence might mean everything to me and maybe I don’t care if you brought her here or not. Should I care? Should I even believe that you’re here? That you’re listening to me? Maybe you aren’t. Maybe I’m just talking to myself right now. I’m tired. I’ve given up everything… or maybe I had nothing to begin with. Except maybe you. Or so I’ve been told and reminded for every second I’ve breathed. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask to be introduced to you or to be part of the community. What about my friends? Are they lucky that they don’t know you? That they could just live their lives any way they want? I bet they are. They can go around loving whoever the heck they want to and still live to tell the tale… But what about me? What about the guilt that’s gonna kill me before I can even get the courage to tell her? If it weren’t for you… I’d be free. But no. I’m stuck here crying and I probably won’t be able to stop. It’s unfair. I sacrifice her feelings and mine for you! Isn’t that enough in exchange for your approval? For you to take pity on me and say it’s okay?”

She exhaled. Her throat was beginning to dry.

“Just tell me it’s okay… that it’s okay…”

Taeyeon stirred. “Ti-ppany…”

Tiffany hurriedly wiped her face with her shirt and stood up with her back turned. She cleared her throat, coughed a few times, and held the book in such a position that would hide it from Taeyeon’s view.

“What’s the matter?” Taeyeon asked. She had just gotten up from the couch. “Nothing. I was about to tell you that you haven’t brushed your teeth yet.” “Ah. Have you brushed your teeth yet?” Still with her back turned, Tiffany replied, “No. I was waiting for you.” They were such honest words. She feared that she needed to learn when to say them, how often and to whom. I don’t want to lead her on like this. Not when I don’t know what to do next. “Let’s go then. I’m sleepy,” Taeyeon said, already on her way to the bathroom. Tiffany wiped her eyes one last time and left the book on the couch. She followed Taeyeon afterwards. “Hey,” Taeyeon greeted with her toothbrush in hand. “What?” Tiffany asked, not wanting to stare too much into Taeyeon’s eyes. She was worried that hers were still red after sobbing. “Smile.” “Huh? Smile?” Taeyeon nodded. “Smile for me, Fany-ah.” Tiffany smiled, forming those crescents with her eyes. She missed doing them. Perhaps more than Taeyeon missed seeing them. “There. Happy?” “Uh-huh,” Taeyeon replied with a grin. She handed the toothpaste to Tiffany. “Here.” Tiffany squeezed the tube and let the toothpaste land on the bristles of her toothbrush. She stood next to Taeyeon without a word. “Hya, hya,” Taeyeon said with her toothbrush inside her mouth, the strange act being part of her charm.

Their conversation was cut short to give way to counting the minutes. Three minutes was the optimum for effective brushing as they learned from their youngest. They stared at each other while doing so, looked away to focus on one side of the bathroom and then got back to their eye-contact. Taeyeon had a sudden outburst of laughter, causing the white foam from inside her mouth to spread on the mirror and on parts of the wall.

“Omo! TaeTae!” Tiffany screamed as she leapt back to avoid the splatter. Taeyeon continued laughing. Tiffany sighed. She tore a few pieces of tissue paper from the roll and started cleaning the mess. “What’s so funny?” Taeyeon gasped for air and wiped the corners of her mouth. “I have no idea!”

“What?” Tiffany raised an eyebrow. She cleaned the last spot of white on the mirror and threw the tissue paper into the trash bin. She got back to Taeyeon who was still letting out a few giggles. “What’s so funny?” “Nothing. I just felt like laughing. I’m crazy, Fany-ah!” After another sigh, Tiffany brushed her back teeth and then got back to the front. She spit into the sink and gargled with water from the faucet. She watched the smiling Taeyeon while she rinsed her toothbrush and asked again. “Really. What’s so funny?” “Nothing. I’m just happy, I guess.” Tiffany frowned. “Whatever. Wash up already. You still have foam on your lip.” Tiffany’s arm was already outstretched. She was ready to wipe the foam off, but she held it back. “I’ll wait for you in the living room. You can sleep on the couch this time.” She didn’t wait for Taeyeon’s reply and exited the bathroom. At least someone’s happy.

The same spot Taeyeon occupied on the floor now had a gloomy Tiffany settled on it. She wanted to ask about Sunmi, about why Taeyeon was happy. Then she casted the thought away after feeling the frustration rise. Sunmi didn’t do anything wrong. Sunmi didn’t do anything wrong, she thought over and over. Then there she was again, meeting with the ceiling. It was blank, just a wide space above her.

“Is heaven really up there? Do I really need to get to it?” she whispered to herself. She almost screamed when she saw a face hovering above her. “Yah! Don’t do that, TaeTae!” she screamed. “Huh? Did I scare you?” Taeyeon asked, teasing with a grin. Tiffany sat up. “You meanie!” Taeyeon patted Tiffany’s head. “I’m sorry. Hm, you shouldn’t sleep on the floor, you know? Come on.” She held out a hand. “It’s fine. I got the couch twice anyway,” Tiffany replied, staring at Taeyeon’s hand, thinking how long she spent not holding it. Or who else had been holding it, for that matter. “You need to experience being on a bed, too. How about Sunny’s bed? It was comfy when I slept on it. Let’s go,” Taeyeon insisted. Tiffany blinked, speechless. “We’ll stay like this until you agree, you know?” Taeyeon said. She learned a few things from Sunmi and her way of persuasion, too. “Tsk. Fine.” Tiffany took Taeyeon’s hand and stood up. They walked to the room across from Jessica’s. “Guys, still awake?” Taeyeon called out as she knocked with her free hand. “Yeah. Just open the door,” went Sunny’s voice.

Taeyeon opened the door and found Sunny lying on the bed with Sooyoung. The latter was already knocked out. Tiffany laughed at the sight.

“She’s totally wasted, huh?” she asked, pointing at Sooyoung, “Wait. Where’s Seobaby?” Sunny sat up. “Yoong asked her to sleep in the other room.” “Ah. Well, that’s fine then. At least someone wants to share the AC.” “Yup,” Sunny replied, smiling. Taeyeon released Tiffany’s hand and approached the bed. “Maybe you can take Sooyoung and you two can share the AC in the other room, too.” Sunny raised an eyebrow. “What?! Why?” “Fany’s gonna be sleeping here tonight.” “She gets the bed all to herself?!” “Yes.” “Uh, TaeTae,” Tiffany tugged on Taeyeon’s arm, “I’m okay with the floor, really. I don’t need the bed.” “Yeah, TaeTae. She doesn’t need the bed,” went a voice from the doorway. Everyone turned and found a smiling Hyoyeon. “Hyo! Help me defend our rights to the bed here!” Sunny cried out. Hyoyeon laughed. She approached her friends, put one hand on Taeyeon’s shoulder and the other on Tiffany’s, then faced Sunny. “I was just kidding. I’m fine with Tiffany sleeping here. We can just sneak into Jessica’s room for the AC! She’s probably asleep anyway. We really should’ve done this sooner.”

Sunny’s frown slowly disappeared. She stared at the sleeping Sooyoung and then back at Tiffany. Despite her eventful day, she felt that she hadn’t had enough. She stood up and motioned for Hyoyeon to join her at a far corner.

“Sunny, it’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it,” Tiffany quickly said. “I don’t know what TaeTae was thinking, but I’m not gonna fight with you for the bed. I’m okay with—” “You guys talk,” Sunny replied, pointing at both Tiffany and Taeyeon. She got back to discussing with Hyoyeon. While Taeyeon was explaining a hundred reasons why Tiffany should sleep on the bed, Hyoyeon was staring Sunny down. “What now? Just let Taeng do what she wants this time. I thought you agreed that we’d leave her alone.”

“I did! But I didn’t agree to get kicked off of the bed. I’d rather share it with Fany,” Sunny replied in a whisper. The not-so-obvious truth was her desire to be by Sooyoung’s side, perhaps to wait for a chance to hear a sleep-talking Sooyoung mumble something she wanted to hear. “You have a point,” Hyoyeon agreed. “Okay. What if one of us sleeps on the floor? That way, Tiffany can still sleep on the bed.” “One of us?” Sunny asked to confirm. Hyoyeon nodded. “Don’t worry. It won’t be you,” she assured. “Ah. So you’ll be—” “Hey, Taeng!” Hyoyeon left Sunny with the unfinished sentence as she called for Taeyeon’s attention. “We can just push Sooyoung off so me, Sunny and Tiffany can share the bed. Deal?” Sunny’s mouth hung wide open, her eyes almost popping out of their sockets. “What the—” Taeyeon scratched her head. “But I need her to be on the bed alone.” Tiffany gasped. “Omo! Why? What are you going to do with me?!” “Yeah!” Sunny and Hyoyeon chimed in. “Don’t tell us you’re going to rape—” “Guys!” Taeyeon yelled. “Stop thinking like that! Please!” Sunny and Hyoyeon shared laughs while Tiffany stood by the door, confused. “Fine. Share a bed with her. Just let her sleep here, okay?” Taeyeon concluded. “Yeah,” Hyoyeon replied. Sunny sighed, guilt from leaving Sooyoung on the floor filling her head. “Okay, Taengoo.” Tiffany looked up at Taeyeon as the latter was heading for the door. “You’re not going to sneak off again while I’m in here, are you?” she asked. “Good night, Ti-ppany,” Taeyeon replied, ignoring the question. “Try to have sweet dreams this time, okay?”

The door closed after that, and Taeyeon was gone. Tiffany turned to the bed where Sunny and Hyoyeon were waiting. She didn’t notice, but Sooyoung had already been rolled off of the bed and was on the floor frowning. “Guys, what’s going on?” Tiffany asked as she sat beside Sunny. “We have no idea,” Hyoyeon replied. Sunny added a nod. “Let’s just get some sleep. Okay? Where do you want to stay? The middle?”

Tiffany chose the side nearest to the door. Sunny was the one who turned off the lights and Hyoyeon was the new middle. Even in her sleep, she bobbed her head to the music on her iPod.

The room was silent other than for the inconsistent lengths of Sooyoung’s grumbles. One moment she would growl and then the next, she would snore. She wasn’t much of a bother.

“Sunny?” Tiffany whispered. “Yeah?” “Is there something you guys aren’t telling me?” “No. Why would you think that?” “Because it’s obvious.” Sunny kept silent. She rolled on her side and propped herself up on one elbow. Ignoring Hyoyeon’s weak head-banging, she saw the side of Tiffany’s head. It was dark, but the small amount of light that shone from a lamppost outside, or maybe a nearby lighthouse, made its way into the room. She could have sworn she saw tear tracks on Tiffany’s cheek.

“Sunny, you talk to Taeyeon the most,” Tiffany continued. She was keeping her eyes on a spot on the wall where the light had gathered. “What’s she really up to? Please tell me.” “Why do you want to know, Fany-ah?” Sunny asked back. Just when she had decided to keep out of Taeyeon’s business, Tiffany unexpectedly pulled her back in. “I have to know before I do anything. Please?” “Before I say anything, what do you think is going on? Is something bothering you?” Everything inside Tiffany was screaming ‘yes.’ But only Jessica knew that. She didn’t need questions. All she wanted was the answer to what Taeyeon was planning. “She seems so happy. But she won’t tell me why.” “If that’s what you’re curious about, I think she’s just relieved. There have been a lot of things on her mind and now she’s free of it all,” Sunny replied, recalling how calm Taeyeon sounded when they decided to leave her to her business. “What kind of things?” “I don’t think that should come from me, Fany-ah. You better ask her yourself. I’m sure she has a better answer. Okay? Let’s get some sleep while Sooyoungie isn’t making those weird noises. Good night.” Sunny rolled on her other side and closed her eyes. She waited a few more minutes in case Tiffany had something else to say. “Does this have something to do with Sunmi?” Tiffany asked. “Yeah,” Sunny replied. “I see.” “Fany-ah, what do you mean by ‘before I do anything’? What are you going to do?” Tiffany replied with silence; Sunny respected it. “Can I ask a favor?” she asked “Sure,” Tiffany replied. “Try not to hurt anyone. Including yourself.”

Tiffany had nothing more to say. She had a feeling Sunny knew more, but she got her answer and didn’t want to bother her friends’ slumber. Everyone else turned in for the night while she kept staring at that lit portion of the wall. She had been talking to empty spaces for the most part of their fourth day and she did so again before drifting off to sleep.

“Thank you for another day. Thank you for letting everyone have a great time today. Hopefully, we’ll enjoy until the end of the week. Please keep my loved ones safe. I hope my dad’s safe as well as the rest of the family. I hope they didn’t get too worried about me being away on this trip. I’ll be coming home soon anyway. A few more hours from now… Maybe.”

She bit her lip, letting that last word sink into her. She cursed herself for changing her mind, or for not making it up in the first place. Stubborn as she was, she believed she had a good reason. She continued.

“ For my friends’ families and those they care about, keep them safe as well. Please place everyone as far away from danger as possible. Tell mom that I miss her… And that I’m sorry if she has to see me like this from up there.” She paused once more. Other than mentioning her mother, she gathered what she really wanted to say, what she had been asking herself repeatedly, though she knew someone else already knew it.

“ I… I apologize for sounding so harsh a few moments ago. I didn’t mean to blame you. I’m just so confused. I’m happy with her, you know? Well… of course you do. Then does that make it okay? You know how much I care about her, right? You know how much I want to be with her, hold her… how much I love her. Can you tell me it’s okay? Please? Or is it just too wrong? If I tell her I love her, will I lose you? Will you ever forgive me? Or will it be just too much of a lie?”

She dwelled on that last question, thinking and then rethinking. All her life, she had kept her word, she had done the right things, and she had lived up to the ideal. It was the first time she lost her way. It was the first time she felt like the ‘lost sheep’ she heard about from her childhood up to the present.

The seconds ticked away while she lied still in bed. She was slowly losing sight of that bright portion on the wall. She closed her eyes. Then she opened them again. She didn’t want to sleep. What she wanted were more answers. There were none. Except for those she made for herself. I like it that TaeTae is weird. I love her for that. Maybe.

Sleep welcomed her shortly afterwards. Against her will, she was rendered blind again. Against her will, she left thoughts of Taeyeon behind.

A big blank. That was what she was given the entire night. Again. Just like the night before when she didn’t dream, and the night before that. She asked herself what it meant. Was it the only possible answer to her questions? Was it God’s way of telling her that she had been left behind for insisting what she wanted and not what He did? Or maybe biologically, her mind refused to let her dream because of fatigue. She opened her eyes nonetheless. She was given another day and she thanked Him for that again.

“Time to go,” she muttered.

She turned her head to the side and saw Hyoyeon still fast asleep. Her friend’s peaceful expression made her smile. She sat up, removed Hyoyeon’s earphones and turned the iPod off. Still not fully awake, she groped around for the side table.

“Ouch!” she screamed. Her hand collided with the table’s sharp edge. “Darn.” She left the iPod on the table and was forced to lie back down. She felt a tight grip on her arm. “Tiffany…” Hyoyeon mumbled, her eyes half-open.

Tiffany held a few gasps back. She was afraid to wake her friend up. She sighed. Then she tried to remain still while hoping Hyoyeon would go back to dreamland and release her.

“Tiffany…” Hyoyeon’s warm breath entered Tiffany’s ear. She giggled. “Mnn…” Hyoyeon muttered. Her eyes twitched. “Hyo, let go,” Tiffany whispered. “Please?” As expected, there was no response other than the tightening grip.

Without excuses prepared for an inevitable questioning of why she wanted to leave, Tiffany closed her eyes and tried to resume with her slumber instead. She kept feeling Hyoyeon’s breath in her ear and just couldn’t help but laugh. She clasped a hand against her mouth and sat up to roll Hyoyeon on her side. The latter stirred and frowned.

“Just a bit more, Hyo,” Tiffany whispered. “Ti-Tiffany, don’t… That tickles… Don’t…” “But… You keep breathing on me.” “Sorry. I’ll stop… I promise…”

Tiffany fell back on the bed and waited for Hyoyeon to reposition herself. She was still drowsy and the room appeared too bright. All of the walls appeared like they were glowing. “Hyo, I have to go…” “Mnn… Go back to sleep, Tiffany. Good night~” Tiffany closed her eyes. She somehow felt grateful for being asked to go back to sleep, for being asked to stay.

The bed was roomier. Neither one noticed, but Sunny was no longer with them. Sooyoung wasn’t on the floor anymore, either. Only the two of them remained. Hyoyeon rolled to the far side and buried her face in a pillow. Stretching, Tiffany ended up near the middle. She seemed to have left thoughts of leaving on that spot near the edge of the bed.

Hyoyeon rolled back, clutching a pillow; Tiffany shifted farther from the moving figure in response. If someone had been in the room, they would have witnessed two drowsy girls playing tag while lying down with their eyes closed. It would have been the most adorable thing.

“Taeyeon-ah~” Tiffany mumbled. She stretched her arm and accidentally poked Hyoyeon’s side. “Yah! Tiffany!” Hyoyeon jerked. She gripped her pillow by its edge and hit Tiffany’s stomach with it. Though her eyes were only half-open, her aim was perfect. “Aigoo! Stop doing that Taeyeon-ah!” “Ugh. Go back to sleep, Tiffany!” Hyoyeon hissed. “Sleep… Let’s sleep, Taeyeon-ah…” “What the heck?” Hyoyeon sat up and eyed the mumbling Tiffany. “You awake?” Tiffany responded with a smile. “Are you dreaming?” “Taeyeon-ah~” Hyoyeon shrugged it off and lied back down. She knew Tiffany wasn’t a sleep talker. Whatever. As long as she’s still here. She recalled a familiar voice. Not knowing if it was a dream or not, she decided to follow it. “Don’t let Fany go anywhere.”

She scratched her head, frowning as she tried to piece together who or what gave her such an instruction. Not too long after, she found Tiffany snuggling on her arm, still mumbling Taeyeon’s name. She gave the thinking up and fell asleep eventually, unaware of how she saved the day

Meanwhile, Tiffany was seeing blotches of purple and pink. It was better than the blank she experienced the night before and the nights before that, but there were still no answers. She could only

hear Taeyeon’s voice and her own. Was it another sign from above? Or did she make it up to please herself? Regardless, she liked it better.

“Wakey-wakey, Ti-ppany!” went Taeyeon’s voice. “Hi, Taeyeon-ah!” Tiffany replied. “What the—Are you awake?” “Pink! Pink Taeyeon-ah!” “Wake up! Don’t dream of me being pink!” Tiffany felt a pair of hands land on her shoulders. She was being shaken up. Violently. Before she knew it, she was sitting up and staring into a pair of big, deep eyes. “TaeTae!” she called out. “Yes, yes. It’s me,” Taeyeon replied. “Stop looking at me like that, will ya?” “You’re not pink anymore! No~” Tiffany cried out as she put both arms around Taeyeon’s neck. “I want pink Taeyeon-ah! Pink!” “Uh, okay. We’ll have pink Taeyeon-ah. Promise.” Tiffany grinned. “Yey! Pink!” She didn’t know what she was talking about, but she knew Taeyeon was in front of her. She shook her head and opened her eyes wide.

Silence.

“This isn’t a dream anymore, is it?” she asked the non-pink Taeyeon who was in front of her. “Nope. Rise and shine!” “Oh my go—I’m sorry! I sounded ridiculous just now, didn’t I?” “Incredibly ridiculous!” Taeyeon replied with a laugh. Tiffany sighed. She regretted being touchy again. Darn. Darn. Darn. She pulled her arms back and diverted her eyes to the table. “Sorry about that. I was having a weird dream.” “I guessed that already,” Taeyeon replied with a grin. “But tell me about it later. You should eat your breakfast now.” “Huh? Breakfast?” “Yup.” Tiffany watched as Taeyeon crouched down on the floor and stood up with a silver tray in her hands. She could see the smoke emerge from the surface of the plate. The aroma was something familiar. “Uh, you made me breakfast?” “Yeah!” Taeyeon replied. She was proud of herself, of course. “See? You have sausages here and sunny side-up. I toasted a few slices of bread, too. Plus orange juice. Hm, I know you like western food, but they didn’t have a lot of ingredients for those so—”

“Thank you, TaeTae.” Tiffany couldn’t hide it. She was extremely happy, so happy that she forgot that she was about to break her own heart, and to some extent, maybe Taeyeon’s. “Okay. Stop talking and start eating!” Taeyeon said, moving settling the tray on Tiffany’s lap. “Uh, shouldn’t we wake Hyo up?” Tiffany asked, pointing to the girl lying down on her stomach, motionless. “Let her sleep. Just eat.” Tiffany took the first bite off of the toasted bread. She felt Taeyeon’s eyes on her as she chewed. Do I have something in my teeth? Are there crumbs on the side of my mouth? “You have crumbs on the side of your—” Tiffany drew her head back as Taeyeon reached out to touch her face. “I’ll get it. Thanks.” That was creepy, she thought. Now I know why people don’t let me wipe anything off anymore. She continued eating her toast and went for a sausage afterwards. The silence was awkward, the kind that she and Taeyeon rarely shared but were having more often. “Hey,” she said after swallowing. “Yeah?” Taeyeon replied. “Didn’t you get food for the others?” “No.” “Why?” “I just wanted to cook for you.” Without a response, Tiffany chewed, finishing her first sausage. Still being mindful of her actions, she consumed the rest of the well-prepared breakfast. Am I thinking too much or is she being too sweet today? “Do you want me to feed you?” Taeyeon asked, smiling. Tiffany’s eyes almost fell on her plate. “No! I mean… Thanks. I can do it myself.” “Hm, you’re acting strange. You used to let me feed you all the time.” “Yeah, but that’s just babyish. I have hands to feed myself, you know?” Tiffany defended, covering up her insecurity. Taeyeon flashed a wider smile. “Whatever you say.”

After a longer, more awkward silence, Tiffany finally finished. It was the fastest she had eaten since she could remember and her stomach was getting her back for it by twisting and turning, like it was saying ‘You should’ve savored Taeyeon’s cooking, you idiot.’

She saved the orange juice for last. She took a few sips, letting a sweet trail start from her lips down to her throat. She almost choked when she met Taeyeon’s eyes. “Ack!” “Woah! You okay?”

“Yeah… Uh,” Tiffany coughed, “yeah. I’m okay.” Taeyeon rushed to Tiffany’s side and stroked her back. “Slow down. I know my cooking’s good, but you don’t have to wolf it down that fast.” Tiffany scowled. “Gee. You’ve lost all sense of modesty, haven’t you?” Taeyeon laughed. “It’s just that I did my best to cook this for you. I’d be depressed if it didn’t taste good.” It tasted awesome, Tiffany thought. “Uh, it was delicious. I missed tasting stuff like this. Thank you.” “You’re welcome. Hm, what do you want for lunch?” “You’re cooking me lunch, too?!” “Why not?” “N-Nothing. I… I mean, you know… it would be bothersome.”

The talk resumed with Taeyeon trying to convince Tiffany that there was no such thing as ‘bothersome.’ She used the same excuse, said that it was all for the sake of making the most of their vacation.

Biting her lip, Tiffany felt the pangs of guilt surge through her. She knew that she was the one who said it.

“Oh yeah. You forgot this on the couch last night,” Taeyeon handed the small book over.

Tiffany eyed the thick cover and the big, bold letters. It further reminded her of how it wasn’t as fragile as a heart. She could leave it and it would end up back in her hands, whole and unscathed.

CHAPTER 36 Breakfast was impressive. To be served with lunch with musical accompaniment was even better. The spot they took by window, overlooking a forest she never noticed at the area was another plus. Tiffany didn’t know how Taeyeon managed to gather resources given the lack of familiarity with their location. The effort was clearly over the top; the realization gnawed on her heart even more. I can’t leave her. Not like this.

She took a sip of her ice-cold lemonade. “Sorry if it’s distracting you,” Taeyeon whispered. “The music just came with the reservation so…” Tiffany out her glass down and smiled. “It’s okay. It seems… soothing?” she replied. “Or just really cheesy.”

“Don’t be mean, TaeTae,” Tiffany reminded, stealing a glimpse of the guitarist who was strumming his instrument near their table. “Sorry,” Taeyeon replied. Tiffany took another sip of her drink. “Hey. You wanna go somewhere else after this?” Taeyeon asked, staring at the bottom of Tiffany’s raised glass. Tiffany swallowed and pulled the glass away from her lips. “Like where?” “I dunno. Around?” Tiffany wasn’t sure. The only ‘somewhere’ she wanted to run to was home. “It’s okay if you don’t want to,” Taeyeon assured. “No. I want to. It’s just that…” Taeyeon wiped the sides of her mouth with a table napkin and stood up. She held out her hand. “Come on. ‘Make the most out of the week,’ remember? That’s what you said.” “Yeah, but—” “Please? It’ll be fun.”

Tiffany stared at the hand Taeyeon offered. It’s just her hand. There’s nothing to be scared of. I’ve held it a hundred times.

“Let’s go, Miyoung,” Taeyeon teased.

Tiffany stood up and slowly reached out for the familiar hand. The almost electric sensation every inch of her palm absorbed spread to the rest of her body, as if she had just experienced the true meaning of living, as if she had been born again. She found it with no one other than the girl in front of her.

“Call me Miyoung one more time and you’re dead,” she joked back. Taeyeon shrugged. “Okay. I’ll keep that in mind the next time I think of suicide.” “Don’t say that.” “Fine. I’ll keep it to myself then.” “No. I mean… Don’t ever think of killing yourself.” “When it happens then it happens, right?” The image of a bloodstained floor flashed before Tiffany’s eyes. She held herself back from making way for the image of a dead Taeyeon on top of it. “Stop it, TaeTae.” Taeyeon smiled. “Say that you’ll go with me then.” “Okay… I’ll go with you.” “Good.”

The two bowed to their guitarist in thanks and began to walk toward the door afterwards with Taeyeon leading the way. “Oh. Wait.” Tiffany tugged on Taeyeon’s hand. “We haven’t paid yet.” Taeyeon looked over her shoulder. “I paid for it. No worries.” “But when did you—” Taeyeon proceeded to the door, dragging Tiffany with her. She left the question unanswered.

Once outside, they were greeted by the salty aroma carried by the waves to the shore. It was vastly different from the slightly heavy variety of flavorful smells inside the restaurant.

“You’re okay with boats, right?” Taeyeon asked, enthusiasm flowing from every part of her. “Like the yacht?” Tiffany asked back. “Well… smaller than that. Like a speedboat.” “I guess that’s fine. But why?” “Because we’re gonna have to ride one.” “Woah! Where are you taking me?!” Taeyeon didn’t answer. She started taking bigger steps, causing mounds of sand to break under her feet like fragile glass. “Is it dangerous?” Tiffany asked instead. She hoped to get some kind of clue. “I don’t think so.” “Is where we’re going far?” “You’ve been there before.” “By boat? But—” “Teukie oppa!” Taeyeon cut Tiffany’s question off as she waved to a familiar figure. They had arrived at a boardwalk that stretched toward the shore. A small boat was floating near it with Teukie in the front seat. “Hi. Ready to go?” he asked, his usual smile present. Taeyeon turned to Tiffany. “Ready?”

Tiffany was unsure. She was thinking of the bags she left at their lodge, how she was going to carry them fast enough to leave and how she would face the aftermath. Then, upon seeing Taeyeon, she blanked out. The exact reason why she wanted to leave without a word was because the very girl in front of her had the power to squeeze a particular one out of her.

“Yes,” she replied. No matter what the circumstance, if it was Taeyeon, it was a yes. That much, Tiffany knew. “Great!”

“All aboard then!” Teukie announced.

The pair boarded the vehicle floating on the water, seated themselves behind Teukie and exchanged glances. Taeyeon was clearly excited while Tiffany had to make it look like she was. She said ‘yes,’ but there was no denying the presence of the ‘maybe’ at the back of her mind. Though the former outweighed the latter, she had packed her bags and was ready to go. She had to stand up for the decision somehow.

“You okay?” Taeyeon whispered. Tiffany nodded.

Teukie remained silent as he controlled the shifting of the water vehicle with medium force on the steering wheel. Hovering over familiar waters gave him a reason to smile, a reason to appreciate what had been too close to him to notice. He felt the same way about the pair sitting behind him. He did not know them personally, only as customers and acquaintances, but in them he saw the burning struggle of young love: one that he himself had forgotten due to the other social responsibilities thrust upon him with age. One example would be what he was doing right then.

He knew nothing about boats and surf boards. He thought he would live his life not having to care about such things. Unfortunately, or fortunately as others would say, he had to make them part of his life. It was part of the need to survive, one that some may call ‘job requirements.’

He took strangers out to sea in the small boat he was provided with by his employer, received payment in exchange as well as a few memories of beginner surfers falling flat on their faces on their first try. Sometimes, the day would be filled with black diving suits and masks and oxygen tanks. Beginner snorkelers were not as amusing for him, though.

That particular morning, he was unlucky enough to be reminded of how old he was, but lucky enough to be reminded that he was still living. Responsibilities may have run throughout his college days and maybe even beyond, but a certain girl’s determination served as a kind of signal. He had to stop. He had to listen to what Taeyeon had to say.

“Oppa, can you help me?” The words rang true and with Sunmi’s additional pleading, he had to give in.

Ah. Love. Seeing it blossom is the best entertainment of all, he thought. How old am I now anyway? How long have I been just a spectator?

“Where are we really going?” Tiffany asked once more. Teukie kept his silence, somehow still lingering in his thoughts. “Just wait and see,” Taeyeon replied. “It’s a surprise.” “You said I’ve been there before?” “Well, kinda.”

Tiffany sighed. She was afraid of what would happen if she left Taeyeon behind. But what scared her more was if she would later decide to stay, cause pain, and then think of leaving. Which would be worse seemed unclear at the moment. She diverted her eyes in worry and unexpectedly met a smiling pair.

“Teukie oppa, where are we going?” she asked, slightly pouting in an attempt to win the older male’s honesty. Leaving Tiffany with his smile, Teukie turned his attention back to the sea before them like how a driver concentrates on a highway. “Oppa…” Teukie chuckled. He looked over his shoulder again and told Taeyeon, “I’m on the brink of breaking here, you know? I just might tell her where we’re going. That eye-smile is just so… Man, she’s an expert!” Tiffany looked up, her eyes shimmering as if to shed light on the answer Teukie was about to give. Taeyeon threw Teukie a glance, hoping her eyes would express as much as Tiffany’s. “Ah. Fine. I won’t tell,” Teukie concluded, feeling where his dongsaeng was coming from.

Burning young love was supposed to be like that: hidden underneath a cloak of resistance, shrouded by mystery and adorned with silent glances between the couple. On the other hand, it was as deadly as a suspense thriller. And yet another secret. The roaring of the boat’s small engine came to a halt and all that was heard was the desperate attempt of the water to grip rock. They had arrived at a deep gash. “A cave? But I’ve never—” “You have,” Taeyeon assured Tiffany. She turned to Teukie and gave a faint smile. It could have been due to anxiety. “Thank you for taking us here, oppa. I know you’re busy and all.” “No problem,” Teukie answered. “I’ll come back for you two later, okay? Hmm… After two hours?” Taeyeon nodded.

Tiffany did not have the heart to protest, to say that she wanted to remain on the boat and go back to shore. “Be careful,” Teukie reminded as he watched the two leave their seats. Taeyeon and Tiffany set foot on the mossy ground near the entrance of the unfamiliar site. By how deep it stretched inwards, the first glance resulted to slight fear. They responded with nods. Seeing the gesture as his cue to leave, Teukie gave another smile meant to support as opposed to courtesy. Then he got the engine started again. Almost as fast as the current pushing toward the rocky edges of the cave, he sailed back. “Scared?” Taeyeon asked, being mindful of Tiffany’s knitted brows. “Why’d you take me here?” “For fun. I guess. Wanna check out what’s inside?”

The empty swirling in Tiffany’s stomach might as well have been a black hole, sucking every ounce of reason from the rest of her body. In the end, she just wanted to be with her TaeTae.

“I’ve never been here before,” she insisted. Taeyeon giggled. She pointed upwards. Tiffany tilted her head, following the direction Taeyeon’s index finger was positioned toward. She saw the white clouds, a glimpse of a soaring bird, and then finally, a familiar edge. She returned to making eye-contact with the girl she was with. “We’re at the bottom of that cliff, aren’t we?” Taeyeon nodded. “So how does it feel looking up instead of looking down? Scarier?” “Yeah. It is, actually,” Tiffany admitted. Everything was above her, out of her reach and out of her control. “You know, I really wanted to show you this. I just thought you’d find it neat.” “I do. Maybe if I looked down when you told me to, I would’ve seen this, too. I missed out, I guess.” Taeyeon took Tiffany’s hand as effortlessly as always. “You’ll trust me this time then. So you won’t miss out.”

Without a word, Tiffany allowed herself to be pulled inside the dark interior of the rocky shelter. Once inside, the overpowering smell of saline that lined every inch of the cave’s walls invaded her nostrils; beyond freshness, too much proved to be suffocating.

“Ah. Here it is,” Taeyeon said.

Tiffany stopped to examine what the ‘it’ was and found a circle of rocks. Each was flat and rounded at the edges as if fashioned after Persian seats. “Don’t tell me someone lives here,” she said with widened eyes. She gulped. Taeyeon released a chuckle. It echoed, the volume multiplying twice or thrice the norm. “No, Ti-ppany! No one lives here. That would be scary!” Tiffany looked around. The site did seem too serene. “So it’s really just a cave?” Taeyeon released the hand in hers and took a seat on one of the smoothened rocks. She looked up and replied, “I think it’s a good reminder.” “A reminder?” “Yeah. That sometimes, good things come from being hurt by waves,” Taeyeon replied. She let her eyes wander to give recognition to the jagged walls, the uneven spaces between each crevice, the entire concept of ‘rough’ around them. “I know it isn’t perfect, but I just wanted to show you that defenseless things like cliffs can hold on. Even if a whole chunk of it was taken away, it keeps the pain deep in the core. And no one will ever know unless they travel until the dead end, unless they travel,” she pointed to the emptiness that lied before them, a hollow darkness, “down there.”

Tiffany could barely keep her eyes on where Taeyeon was pointing. She had fear instilled in her core, in her own hollow darkness. And no one seemed to want to know about it. One more secret for the road, maybe.

“What’s wrong?” Taeyeon asked as she got on her feet. She approached the silent Tiffany and tucked the stray strands of hair behind her ears. Then she smiled. “I know I don’t normally talk like this. Is it freaking you out?” Tiffany kept herself still. Once again, she had fallen into another one of those moments. I want you and then I don’t. And now I do. But what about tomorrow? And the day after that? “So I guess no one has to make choices, huh?” Tiffany answered. “Why?” “’Cause good things come anyway. Maybe we should just sit still and get hurt while waiting for them to happen. Is that what you’re saying?” “No,” Taeyeon replied. “It takes too long to wait. And… just as good things come, worse things might happen, too.”

The conversation meant most to them, but in different ways. They could both relate to it so well that they found themselves lost in it, almost detached from the words but left with the concept. If only they could tell each other what they really meant to say then the day wouldn’t have seemed so empty.

“Fany-ah?” “Yeah?” “How are things at home?” “What?” Taeyeon took a step back and let out a giggle. She had no idea what she was talking about. “Uh, you know… Home. Your dad? The rest of the family?” “Ah. Right. Home.” Tiffany took a seat as if the question weighed her down. She kept her knees together and rested her elbows on them. She felt like Taeyeon had the ability to invade her mind or, as Hyoyeon said, it was like they shared a brain. She wished it was true. It would have saved her the trouble of trying to properly articulate her thoughts. “I don’t know. But I hope everyone’s okay.” Taeyeon took a seat of her own just across from Tiffany’s, and replied, “I haven’t been over there in awhile. Uh… a really long while. Does your dad still really hate me? For trying to take you out that one night?” “He doesn’t hate you. He’s just… you know… being a dad. I guess he’s extra protective ‘cause he lost someone already.” Silence reigned over the two, their stares kept blank and their ears only for the rumbling sea they left outside. “I’m sorry I had to ask that, Ti-ppany,” Taeyeon started. “I forgot about your—Never mind. I should’ve known that it’s just because you’re dad’s scared. Everyone gets scared.” Tiffany blinked. Afterwards, she kept her eyes on Taeyeon’s. “Even you?” “Of course. Right now, to be exact. I’m scared.” “Of what?” Taeyeon shrugged. “Of not knowing what exactly to be scared of… or maybe who.” “Then maybe it doesn’t exist,” Tiffany replied. “If you don’t know what it is then maybe you’re just scaring yourself.” “I don’t know. Maybe.” Taeyeon paused, taking a few more seconds to think of what to say next this time. “Hey. Are you having fun so far? Or am I just being too random?” Tiffany gave as much of a smile as she could manage. “You’re too sweet, TaeTae.” “Huh? Sweet?!” “Yeah. Almost romantic, I think. You really didn’t have to go this far for me.”

It was the guilt talking, obviously. Tiffany didn’t want to leave. There was no need to if she thought about it. Still, there was that pendulum-like entity within her that swung back and forth. It was made up of more than just emotions. It wasn’t just about loving Taeyeon for a day and then questioning it the next, believing she should leave and then not being able to, wanting to look for answers and then denying what’s given to her. It was a matter of having to keep it all to herself, having to endure the pendulum ramming both of her sides for every two seconds that she could count.

It was doubt.

Doubt about her beliefs, doubt about her abilities, doubt about her capacity to feel. And underneath the secrets, doubt about whether or not she had been honest with Taeyeon for the entirety of that portion of their lives they spent together.

“I just wanted us to make the most of the days we have left,” Taeyeon said, the words rehearsed and molded into a safe excuse. “So I figured we should see all there is to see around here.” “Okay.”

Secret after secret, the two fell deeper into their own darkness just as the cave’s passages wound around in circles, seemingly endless. They stood up and, in silence, explored the first few.

They touched the walls, let the moisture come into contact with their dry palms; they crouched down, examined how green moss was taking over the jagged brown ground; they looked up, tried to take in the fearsome sight of pointed rocks that could pierce their eyes at any given moment; they walked, a few meters in between them, as if they assigned the right wall to one and the left wall to the other; they stopped, found each other’s hands and observed their usual proximity, as if not doing so would result to their death.

Although the ability to do so wasn’t so apparent during their talk while seated on the round-edged rock-chairs, they laughed. They talked about school, their friends and their future among other things. Just like how friends were supposed to be.

Taeyeon was still in the middle of catching her breath. Too much laughter often robbed her of it. “And remember that time when I stole your lollipops?” she said. Tiffany responded with a giggle. “How could I forget? You even said you were just trying to be ‘friendly.’” “Well, I was!” “You and your twisted way of thinking!” “It worked, didn’t it? We got closer after that.” Indeed, they did. Tiffany released Taeyeon’s hand. “That was our first fight,” she muttered, recalling how Jessica mentioned it during their talk. Taeyeon scratched her head. “Was it?” “Yeah. After that, we just laughed off every argument we ever had. It’s amazing when you think about it.”

Taeyeon approached Tiffany, spread her arms and wrapped them around the latter. She was out to prove that she no longer needed words to show how much she cared or perhaps that her fear of them had reached such a level that it rendered her unable to speak at all. From a spectator’s point of view, the latter would apply.

“I like it when you hold me like this, TaeTae,” Tiffany whispered, releasing one secret from her pile. Taeyeon responded with a tighter grip. “And I like it when you hold my hand.” Taeyeon closed her eyes and imagined the body against hers: the strands of hair, the warm ear, the soft cheek, the slender neck, the firm shoulders, the silent beating within the chest. “I like it when you say dorky things.” Taeyeon was fighting an urge. She opened her eyes and found the wall before her to be slightly smoother than the others, like it was meant for her to pin Tiffany against. “And when you do crazy things like this for me.” Taeyeon swallowed, almost believing that Tiffany’s warm breath was begging her to do something drastic. Or maybe it was the sudden honesty. “You said you would never hurt me.” “Of course I won’t,” Taeyeon finally replied. She wanted to emphasize that point. Tiffany paused. She raised her arms and hugged Taeyeon back. Her chin rested on the latter’s shoulder. “I won’t ever hurt you.” “But why?” Tiffany asked in a mumble. “Tell me honestly.” Tell you… Honestly?

Silence.

A drop of water from the pointed rocks above landed on a puddle near their feet.

“You mean a lot to me, Fany-ah. We’re friends, remember?”

CHAPTER 37 Two hours seemed long. Maybe too long.

Taeyeon took note of what Tiffany said.

“I like it when you hold me like this, TaeTae.”

She wanted to believe it was something more, not knowing that indeed, it was. It meant more than both of their poorly lived, secret-filled, conflict-driven, stunted lives combined. It was the cure.

But she was too stubborn to admit it.

The pair returned to the comfort of their lodge and their friends: some of them, at least.

“You’re back!” Yoona called out in joy, already on her feet with her arms spread wide open to welcome her unnies. “Did you have fun?” Seohyun added, looking up from her book. Tiffany responded first with a nod. “Yeah. We did.” The youngest, who was sitting on the couch, turned to the silent Taeyeon. “Where did you guys go?” Taeyeon stifled a chuckle. She figured it wouldn’t be appropriate for her to joke at the moment. “We went to some new places. Maybe I can take you guys there some time, too.” “You should’ve taken us with you in the first place!” said Yoona. “Maybe next time, I will, Yoong,” Taeyeon replied. “Where are the others?” Seohyun closed her book and settled it on her lap. “They went out awhile ago. I think they wanted to meet Hyoyeon’s unnie’s friend’s friends.” “Hyoyeon’s friend’s friends?” “Uh, I mean Nicole unnie.” “Oh. Who’s that?” “A friend from the past, I think. We met on the yacht.” “Wow! Really? That’s kinda random.” “It was, unnie.” Tiffany stole a glance at the amused-looking Taeyeon and then smiled, her usual brightness dimmed. “I think I’m going to rest for awhile,” she said, leaving a clue of her desire to retire to a room. “Okay,” Taeyeon replied. The younger two added nods. The three watched Tiffany head for Jessica’s room. Why she chose it over the room across it was anyone’s guess.

“So,” Yoona whispered and then she paused to look both ways, as If preparing to cross the street, “how was alone time with Tiffany unnie?” Taeyeon’s brows shot up. She stared at her dongsaeng.

Yoona smirked. “Ah. Right. We’re not allowed to ask.” She shrugged. “Fine.” “It was okay,” Taeyeon replied, unaware of why she let the words escape her. She just felt like saying them. “Care to share the details, unnie?” Yoona asked. “Unnie…” Seohyun muttered as she tugged on Yoona’s hand. “Don’t.” “No. It’s okay,” Taeyeon assured the youngest. “It was an experience and we go to talk so… you know.” Yoona’s eyes shone. “So did you guys… Are you guys… finally together?” Taeyeon almost laughed. But it wasn’t that funny. “No. Not that kind of talk… I dunno.” “Please don’t force yourself to tell us if you’re not comfortable with it, unnie,” Seohyun told the elder. “We’re happy with the two of you just hanging out again. Like always.” “Yeah. Hey, would you guys mind if I go out for awhile? I just need to get something.” “What is it?” Yoona asked. “Uh, it’s… something. It’s… Ah! Food. Yeah. I’m gonna go get food. Do you guys want anything?” Seohyun smiled, aware of Taeyeon’s inability to be subtle. “Just get us whatever you’re getting, unnie.” “Hyunnie!” Yoona protested. “It’s time to take advantage of Taeyeon unnie’s money! I say ice cream!” Seohyun tugged on Yoona’s hand once more. “Behave, unnie,” she said. “But—” “Or else.” Yoona turned silent. “So I better get going,” Taeyeon told her dongsaengs. She did not bother to ask them why they were acting the way they were, particularly Yoona’s submission to Seohyun’s orders. “Tell Fany I’ll be back soon, okay?” “Okay,” Seohyun replied, probably for both Yoona and her.

Taeyeon left the lodge once again. She had been on the move since morning and she grew tired of the menacing sand that got in between her toes. She would have worn sneakers, but the impracticality was an even bigger bother than the fashion violation.

She faced the familiar door, like it had become a friend of hers. It opened after she knocked. “Taeyeon unnie? What’s the matter?” “Hi again. Uh, is it a bad time? Does Sohee need you for juice duty again?” “Juice duty?” Taeyeon pointed to the empty glass in Sunmi’s hand. “I’ve become observant, too. Neat, huh?”

Sunmi giggled. Then her serious expression took shape. “Is everything okay? Nothing bad happened, right? Did Tiffany unnie have fun?” “I… Yeah. It’s just…” Sunmi opened the door wider. “Come in. It’s better if you tell me inside. It’s hot out there.” “Okay.”

The two entered and the door was closed. Like the living room in the ninth lodge, the sixth’s seemed to be as empty. Sohee was the only visible other.

“Where are your unnies?” Taeyeon asked. “Hm?” Sunmi replied. “I don’t know. I just woke up and they were gone.” “They went out with Yuri unnie and the others earlier this afternoon. Didn’t anyone tell you?” Sohee interjected. She was sitting on the couch with her legs crossed. Taeyeon shook her head. “Yoona and Seohyun told me they went out, but I didn’t know they came here, too.” “Ah. Well, it looks like you’re not the only one keeping secrets, unnie.” “Sohee-ah! Stop that!” Sunmi urged, frowning. “I’m just kidding. I’m sorry, Taeyeon unnie.” “It’s okay,” Taeyeon replied with a smile. She had barely exchanged words with Sohee but already found a strange sense of comfort. It was almost the same as that between her and Sunmi. “Do you want to come with me to the kitchen, unnie?” Sunmi asked, signaling Taeyeon with her eyes that she was offering to talk in private. “Oh. Okay,” Taeyeon answered. Sunmi turned to Sohee. “Your juice might take awhile,” she said. Sohee nodded. “’Kay. I understand.” “Thanks, Sohee-ah.”

With the unspoken conversation completed between the two younger girls, another hidden conversation took place in the sixth lodge’s kitchen. Taeyeon watched as Sunmi poured spoonfuls of orange powder into the empty glass she was holding.

“So what do you want to talk about, unnie?” “Something happened in the cave.” “Was it something good?” “I don’t know. It’s all such a blur now that I’m trying to think back to it. But it was strange. I don’t know if I should take it seriously, though.”

Sunmi took the glass she poured powder into and settled it near the sink. She walked over to the refrigerator and opened it. “So what happened? Did she say something?” Taeyeon rubbed her arm. “Kinda.” Sunmi took a pitcher from inside the refrigerator and took it back to the sink. She poured the icecold water into the glass and watched as the orange particles engaged the transparent liquid. “And then? What did she say?” “She said she likes it when… when I hold her.” Sunmi looked up from the drink she was concocting. “And?” “And that she likes it when I hold her hand.” “And then? What’s the juicy part?” “Well, I told her once that I would never hurt her. But that was so sudden! It was the spur of the moment! And then in the cave, when I was hugging her and she was hugging me back, I felt like I couldn’t help myself and I wanted to push her against the wall and I didn’t even know why I was thinking like that, but then she said something and I didn’t know how to answer, but she sounded so serious and I didn’t want to lie, but that something was so simple and I had the answer, but I couldn’t tell her—” “What was that something then?” “Oh… it’s all so weird and I was really just—” “Spit it out, unnie!” “She asked me why I didn’t want to hurt her!” Sunmi diverted her eyes from Taeyeon to the dried plates on the dining table. She approached them and took a spoon that was settled on top. Then she took the glass from the sink and used the utensil to thoroughly mix the orange with the transparent.

“She told me to tell her honestly,” Taeyeon added. “So you told her it’s because you love her?” Taeyeon bit her lip and then shook her head. Sunmi sighed. “What? I should’ve told her that? Right there? When we planned that we would just let her be the clueless umma?” “Unnie, she told you she likes it when you hold her. That’s practically confessing! And then she asked you why you didn’t want to hurt her, why you’re so focused on protecting her. She was asking if you felt the same way! Come on, unnie! Get with the program! She’s not clueless at all! At least, not as clueless as we thought she would be!” “But I—How do you even know that that’s what she meant?” “Tsk. It’s always like that! You watch TV, don’t you?” “TV? But all of those dramas they show are fiction! Nothing like that happens in real life.”

“Ehh! That’s what everyone says! But if you think about it, people pattern their lives after what they watch on TV. Who knows? Maybe Tiffany unnie copied her line from a drama, too!” “That’s ridiculous! She wouldn’t use a trick like that!” “Okay. Let’s say she didn’t copy it from a drama. How else can we interpret what she said?” “I dunno. Maybe I freaked her out when I said that. Maybe it wasn’t my place to say it?” “If anyone has the right to say it, you do, Taeyeon unnie. It’s because you have been protecting her and you really don’t want to hurt her in any way. You can tell yourself that at least, can’t you? If not, then you’ve just been lying to yourself.”

When did you become like this, Sunmi? Since when have you been seeing right through me? Inside me?

“Unnie, say something!” “What?”

Sunmi let the spoon reach the bottom of the glass then settled the glass on the sink. She thought of releasing another sigh but stopped and smiled instead. She tried to look straight into Taeyeon’s eyes. As much as she trembled before the other girl’s presence, she admired her enough to want to open herself up as well. And one way to do that was by baring the windows to her soul, the orbs that held every truth of her facial expressions.

“If you didn’t tell her you love her then what did you say?” Taeyeon exhaled and then filled her lungs with new air. She was about to repeat a lie, or at least half of it. “I told her she means a lot to me… And because we’re friends.” The sadness in Sunmi’s eyes shone through. Even blinking was not enough to hide it. “I just can’t tell her, Sunmi,” Taeyeon regrettably said. “I just can’t.” “Then how do you expect her to really know? This isn’t working, unnie. And… I feel like it’s my fault. I’m not helping you at all. I’m just holding you back.” “No. You pushed me to try even harder!” Sunmi slowly shook her head. She had done some thinking. “I was stupid, unnie. I thought it was going to be simple. I thought everything had a good side. I thought I had a good idea.” “You did! Showing her is better than telling her. It just has to be. Actions speak louder than words, right?” Sunmi shrugged. She seemed out of character.

“Aw, come on, Sunmi,” Taeyeon warmly addressed her dongsaeng. “I thought we agreed that you won’t ever be at fault when it comes to this thing with me and Fany. You’ve been a great help! I’m telling you that now.” “I’m sorry if I can’t agree, unnie. I just think I made things worse. Somehow, I got you to agree to do this stupid idea and now you’ve gotten farther away from your goal. I really am too naïve. I guess a part of me means to be.” Taeyeon cupped her dongsaeng’s cheek. “You know, it was either going with your idea or not doing anything at all. I don’t know how I could’ve survived just standing by and watching her. ‘Cause that’s what I told Sunny. I told her that I wouldn’t confess and that I would just let things be as they are. Can you imagine having the first thing you’ve ever wanted more than gummy bears and gummy worms just sitting on a shelf you can’t ever reach? And say you were as short as me. That’ll give you an even bigger problem. Can you imagine if things were like that for you?” Sunmi released a tiny giggle. “Gummy worms and gummy bears?” Taeyeon grinned. She missed her gummy treats. “Yeah. I love those. But you know who I love even more, right?” Sunmi nodded. “One lucky, eye-smiling girl.” “That’s right… Well, I don’t know about the ‘lucky’ part.” “She is. She’s lucky.” Taeyeon pulled her arm back. “I guess she won’t ever know that I feel lucky, too. For having her, I mean.” “Then please tell her.” “I can’t. I just can’t have her say no.” “You’re being selfish, unnie. What if she really wants to hear you say it? Did that ever cross your mind?” Taeyeon looked down at her feet. All that she had been minding was the sand in between her toes. “Actions might speak louder than words, unnie,” Sunmi continued. “But a simple ‘I love you’ is made up of three little words. That’s just how they are. They’re words. No amount of action can represent them. At least not fully. You can write it in the sky by hiring those airplane things or spell it out on the floor with rose petals or write an entire book about it but in the end, nothing beats hearing ‘I love you.’ And sometimes, it feels even better when you say it. Have you ever heard them, Taeyeon unnie? Have you ever felt how much those three words really mean?” Taeyeon looked up and shook her head. “No. I haven’t.” Sunmi took her unnie’s hands and tried not to make it obvious that she was shaking. Her lips parted and out came the very words she deemed most sacred. “Taeyeon unnie, I love you.”

Suddenly, there were no other words within the room or in Taeyeon’s circulation of thoughts. All she saw were her dongsaeng’s eyes, her reflection in them melting. What? What did she just say? Sunmi maintained her grip, her palms already sweating. “Unnie?” “I… Sunmi, I can’t…” “See? That’s what I’m talking about!” Sunmi exclaimed. “Huh?” “It’s that weird feeling you get! And you can’t speak or breathe properly and you just want to hear it again! Right? Did you feel it, Taeyeon unnie? It’s amazing, right?” Taeyeon’s mouth hung open. She still couldn’t fathom what had just occurred. Proving Sunmi right, she was indeed feeling weird. Sunmi released her unnie’s hands and flashed a wide smile. “Taeyeon unnie, I love you,” she repeated. “What the—Sunmi! What are you—” “Feels good, right? It feels good to hear it!” “But why did you… I mean…” “I love you, I love you , I love you!!” Taeyeon swallowed. A sudden gurgling in her stomach added to the series of sensations she felt after hearing ‘I’ to the ‘you.’ She’s not serious, is she? “Sunmi, you’re just saying that, right?” “Hm? That I love you?” “Yeah. You don’t meant it, right?” “I love you, Taeyeon unnie!” “Sunmi!”

The two turned to the kitchen entrance and found Sohee with a not-so-carefully-hidden glare.

“Sohee-ah?” Sunmi replied as she tilted her head sideways. Sohee approached the spot where Taeyeon was standing and calmly said, “Unnie, I’m sorry for how she’s behaving. She’s just a bit weird sometimes.” “Ye-yeah… sure. Okay,” Taeyeon replied, no longer sure of what she was supposed to say in the first place. Sohee turned to Sunmi. “Where’s my juice?” “Ah. It’s here.” Sunmi grabbed a hold of the glass she left near the sink and handed it to Sohee. The latter took it and nodded. “Thanks. Make another glass for Taeyeon unnie. We’ll wait for you in the living room.” “It’s okay, Sohee,” Taeyeon quickly assured. “Thanks, but I’m not thirsty.”

Without a word, Sohee took Taeyeon’s hand with her free hand and started pulling her out of the kitchen. “Uh, wait. Where are we—” Sohee looked over her shoulder and told Sunmi, “Her juice better take awhile, too. Maybe a bit longer than the time you took to make mine. Okay?” “Oh!” Sunmi replied in partial awe. She had just realized what her friend meant. “Okay!” Taeyeon found herself back in the living room shortly afterwards. Sohee had her sit down on the couch. “Again, I’m sorry about Sunmi,” Sohee said as she settled her glass of juice on the table in front of the couch. “It’s okay. Really. She was just kidding around, right?” Sohee gave a slight smile. “She has her own way of doing things, I guess. I’m sure you got pretty freaked out back there.” “A little bit,” Taeyeon admitted in a mumble. “Thanks for stepping in.” Sohee shrugged. “It’s kinda like my job. She’s too eccentric at times and I feel the need to hold her back. I just want you to know that she always means well. With whatever she does or whatever she says, she always makes sure that she gets some kind of point across. Some people just might take it the wrong way. And that’s what I’m here for. To explain.” “Then you’re telling me she didn’t mean it, right? She didn’t mean to say she lo—You know… that word.” Sohee gave a little laugh. She didn’t seem to be too giving with her replies. “That she loves you. Hm?”

Taeyeon had not gotten enough of the all too familiar word. She knew what it was, how it was spelled, but it somehow slipped through her vocabulary. It was like she was forcing her way to find out its definition again.

“She does like you, you know?” Sohee reminded, her arms folded across her chest. “Ye-Yeah, but I thought—” “Don’t worry. She’s not out to tear you apart from Tiffany unnie. She’s just that type of kid. When she gets attached, she gets attached. And she’s very open about it.” “So it isn’t in that way, right? She doesn’t, uh, like me in that way?” Sohee let her arms fall on her sides then approached the couch to sit beside the seemingly dumbfounded Taeyeon. “Why can’t you say it, unnie? That word, I mean.” “I don’t need to say it now, do I?” Taeyeon defended, slightly taken aback. “We understand each other properly even without mentioning it anyway.”

“Yeah,” Sohee replied, “but I wonder if—Never mind. It’s none of my business. Don’t worry about what Sunmi said. She was just out to prove a point and,” she reached out to grab a square, slightly bulky object from the table before them, “I think you understand exactly what she wanted you to realize. Right?”

Indeed, Sohee was right. Taeyeon had not felt more helpless in her entire life. She questioned whether it was really that higher being that was holding her back, or the powerless, more backgroundworthy word. Lo—I can’t even think about it anymore. What the hell? She cursed herself for her inability to say it, to think about it. It seemed so easy before. She would doodle on the back of her notebooks, spell out Tiffany’s name and ‘saranghae’ beside it. She used to think she spent more time saying and thinking ‘I love you’ compared to breathing.

“Well, they say silence means yes,” Sohee said, no longer wanting to push the topic. She knew Taeyeon had realized enough. “So how was lunch? Was the restaurant okay?” “Uh… Yeah. It was great,” Taeyeon replied, relieved for the shift Sohee decided to take with their conversation. “Thank you for arranging that. And the cave was really interesting, too. How did you know about those places anyway? I mean… not to be rude or anything, but you’ve spent your vacation as red as a tomato.” “Ah. Well, yes. But being sunburned is better than being a mere tomato. Anyway, it’s because of this.” Sohee presented the bulky object she was holding with both hands. Taeyeon stared at it. “A camera?” Sohee nodded. “I wanted to take pictures and I even got some pamphlets before we left for the train station days ago. To serve as some kind of guide, I guess.” “So you read about those places in the pamphlets, huh?” “Yes. And when Sunmi asked me about things to do for a date, I guess I suddenly remembered I had them.” Taeyeon’s lips formed a curve. “Thank you. I owe you for telling me about those places. I was running out of ideas, to be honest. This beach just seems so… small.” Sohee settled the camera back on her lap and stared at Taeyeon. “You’ll run out of places to take her soon. You’ve realized that, too, right?” Taeyeon hung her head low. She wasn’t planning on admitting the fact just yet. “Yeah. I know.” “And you’ll run out of excuses, too.” “Yes.” “So why not just leave her stuttering?” Taeyeon raised her head. “Excuse me?” “Stuttering. With that word you can’t say.” “I just can’t.” “Why, unnie?”

Taeyeon sighed. Then she swallowed. With the simplest smile she could make, she replied: “She might stutter when I tell her. And it won’t always mean a happy ending. Afterwards… she just might not want to talk to me at all.” “Or she might make you stutter in return. Take the risk, unnie. Don’t be selfish.”

CHAPTER 38 Evening was approaching and they both knew that so were their friends and their new acquaintances. They still had a few more minutes left for talking before the groups reached them. The sand underneath their feet failed to make a good timer. The grains barely showed movement even with the breeze. Only the water was constantly in motion.

“Sooyoungie, this morning was—” “I know. I didn’t mean to accuse you like that. I guess I’ve forgotten how caring you can be.” Sunny dug into her shorts’ pockets, feeling for any sign of lint. “You sure she was thinking of leaving?” Sooyoung asked. Sunny nodded. “She didn’t say it. But I guess it was just a gut feeling.” “I see. And Hyo said something about being asked to let go when she woke up. Tsk.” Sooyoung sighed. She rubbed the back of her neck and felt her slightly wet collar. “The heat was something else that day. “Why doesn’t she tell us anything anymore? What’s wrong with her?” “I thought you said it’s none of our business.” “Yeah. But this isn’t about her and Taeyeon. This is about her running away from this vacation! From us! Without saying anything!” “Unless maybe the reason is Taengoo after all.” Sooyoung’s thoughts came to a halt. “She asked about Sunmi,” Sunny revealed. “And why Taengoo has been acting strange. It fits the puzzle, right? That maybe she’s jealous?” Sooyoung turned to Sunny. “You should’ve told me that this morning. If you did, it would’ve made more sense to me when you told Hyo to keep Tiffany in the room. I thought you were just trying to keep her and Taeyeon apart.” “You know I could never accomplish that, right? They’ll just come running back to each other in the end. You know how they are.” “I do. Then maybe that means it’s no use worrying about whether Tiffany is leaving or not. Am I right? She’s just gonna come back anyway. Right?” Sunny shrugged. She pulled her hands out of her pockets and put them on her hips. “It’s not about her coming back. It’s about her leaving in the first place and how Taengoo’s going to blame herself. Sure. Maybe they’ll be reunited. Maybe Tiffany will decide to come back. And then what? By then, we’d

already have one heartbroken friend who’ll probably be even more stubborn than before. They’re better off being beside each other all the time than running around, pretending to chase each other. They’re already close enough to each other. What more do they want?”

Sooyoung placed a hand on Sunny’s shoulder. She understood no more about the matter than she should have while Sunny seemed to have been doing more thinking. “Maybe they want to know that they have each other. Some kind of confirmation from the other, maybe.” “Well, let’s hope they talked about this during their lunch together. I don’t want Fany to leave.” “She won’t. You already stopped her, remember? Taeyeon better thank you for that someday.” Sunny giggled. “She better!” Sooyoung’s hand slid down Sunny’s arm and reached her hand. She fit hers against it and smiled. “I can’t believe you slapped me with this.” “I’m sorry, Sooyoungie.” “No. Don’t apologize.” Sooyoung took Sunny’s other hand. The two entities were now softly trapped and out went a sly smile. “Now, you don’t have anything to slap me with.” “What—” The space between the two was quickly lessened. Another sensation was to follow. “Sooyoungie, don’t! I’m gonna kick you if you get any closer!” “Then do it,” Sooyoung replied in a whisper. “I dare you.”

Sunny lifted her leg. It rose not so much as an inch before she let it fall back down. Her ears were turning red.

“GUYS!!” Sooyoung quickly released Sunny’s hands and turned to face the waving Yuri. “Yah! Kwon Yuri!” she screamed back.

Sunny dug into her pockets again as if trying to maintain her balance as she stood.

“Man!” Yuri exclaimed. “You guys should’ve played with us, you know? Volleyball was fun!” Jessica stepped in and pushed Yuri aside. “What do you mean, fun? It’s as hot as hell out here!” “Aw, come on, Sica. Don’t be such a sore loser!” Yuri teased. Jessica frowned. “Excuse me. Me? A sore loser? Ha!” Out went a giggle from behind Jessica. Sunye stepped into the scene. She patted Jessica’s back. “It’s okay, Jessica. We did lose fair and square. We’ll get them next time!” “I dunno about that, Min Sunye,” went a reply as jokingly cocky as Yuri’s. Sunye turned around and frowned. “Yoobin unnie… don’t be so mean,” she said.

Yoobin grinned. She put an arm around Yuri’s neck and released a chuckle. “They do kinda look alike, don’t they?” she said as she eyed Jessica and Sunye standing shoulder to shoulder. Yuri turned her head to face Yoobin and raised an eyebrow. “You noticed, too, unnie?” Yoobin shrugged. “For awhile now.” “Yeah. They do!” Everyone turned to the source of spontaneous joy. “Ah. Oh, sorry, unnies. Was I too loud?” “Don’t apologize, Hara,” Hyoyeon assured. She was standing next to Nicole and the round-eyed girl she mentioned. “My friends are usually louder than you. I dunno about Sunye and the others, though.” Ye Eun raised a hand. “No arguments here. We’re noisy, too.” Yoobin nodded, her arm still around Yuri’s neck; Sunye flashed a smile. Ye Eun stood satisfied with her friends’ agreement then turned to face Nicole but kept her eyes on the figure behind the latter. “But I’m guessing we have a shy one here, huh?” Nicole noticed the pair of eyes on her and pointed to herself. “Me? Oh. Well, I—” Hyoyeon laughed, her eyes almost disappearing. “No way! Nicole talks non-stop!” she commented. “Hey!” Nicole defended, her hand already raised as if readying to slap Hyoyeon’s arm. “No, no,” Ye Eun started to explain. She bared another smile. “I’m talking about the kid behind you.” “Ah.” Nicole looked over her shoulder and indeed saw an expression of shyness. She pulled her dongsaeng to the front and presented her to the others much like a show-and-tell project. “Jiyoung, say something to the unnies, will ya?” “But unnie… I don’t know…” Jiyoung replied. She tugged on the edge of her shirt and stared at her feet. Hara approached the bashful one and pressed the volleyball ball she was holding on the latter’s forehead. “Jiyoung-ah, don’t pretend. You’re noisy, too! I could hear you cheering for me when I was playing.” Jiyoung looked up and faced her unnie. She was slightly red. “But you didn’t win, unnie. I’m sorry.” “Forget about that!” Jessica said, urgency almost in her tone. “We just don’t work well with the heat, right Sunye?” “Uh-huh. Exactly.” “Look-alikes until the end, huh?” Yoobin muttered, teasing Sunye.

Everyone laughed, including Sunny and Sooyoung who had been silent since the arrival of the large group. They declined the offer to play, not because of the heat but the need to have their conversation. They missed the chance to share a few giggles, to have sweat spout from the pores of their

skin, to hit the ball out of sheer enjoyment. It didn’t bother them. Despite not being part of Jessica’s team with Sunye, Hara and Hyoyeon or Yuri’s with Yoobin, Ye Eun and Nicole, they still felt a sense of belonging. There would always be that simplicity in slight anonymity, that even though they had not known each other long, it felt as though they did. And there was no need for secrets.

“So guys, where are we gonna go now?” Ye Eun asked. She turned to Sunye and Yoobin for their opinion and then turned to Jessica. “Our lodge or yours?” “I dunno,” Jessica replied as she fanned herself with her hand. She turned to Hyoyeon. “Maybe we should check if Taeng and Tiffany have arrived.” “Ah. Right. They went out for lunch and stuff,” Hyoyeon revealed. “Sorry you guys couldn’t meet them,” she told Hara and Jiyoung. “It’s okay,” Nicole assured on behalf of her friends. “We can stay here a bit longer anyway.” Hara nodded. “Yeah. We’d love to meet the other unnies.” With a bit of hesitation, Jiyoung opened her mouth then she closed it again. After a few seconds of silence, she decided to just come out with it for the benefit of everyone. “Uh, plus we can’t leave until Gyuri unnie and Seungyeon unnie get here.” Nicole’s eyes widened. “You’re right! I totally forgot they were coming!” Everyone seemed puzzled. “So you’ve made a lot of friends, huh?” Hyoyeon commented with a grin. Nicole smiled. She glanced at their remaining companions. “And so have you, unnie.” While the two were sharing some kind of incomprehensive silence, Yoobin decided to speak up. “I say we buy ice cream!” “To cool Jessica and Sunye down?” Ye Eun added with a laugh. Sunye pouted. “Yah! Stop siding with unnie!” Ye Eun shrugged. “Hm… We can surprise Taeyeon and Tiffany with ice cream, too,” Yoobin proposed. “Oh. And maybe buy some for Seohyun and Super Yoong.” “Ah! You’re right!” Ye Eun exclaimed. “I knew something was missing. There are less dorks today.” “That’s our Yoongie, all right,” Jessica mumbled with amusement. She somehow missed Yoona’s carefreeness. She eyed Yuri as to check if the latter felt the same way. Yuri was slouching, comfortably accommodating Yoobin’s arm around her neck. “Those two stayed behind to watch your lodge, right?” Nicole asked Hyoyeon. The others heard her. “Another brilliant idea of Yoong’s,” Yuri whispered to herself. “Hm? What was that, Yuri?” Yoobin leaned closer to Yuri’s face with her ear ready. Yuri drew her head back, startled. “Nothing, unnie. I was just—”

“She probably can’t breathe with your arm around her like that, unnie,” Sunye cut in, her tone seemingly flat. Yoobin slowly removed her arm from around Yuri’s neck, unaware of how Jessica was staring. “Oops. Sorry about that,” she said with a smile. “it’s okay, unnie,” Yuri replied. Unlike Yoobin, she was distinctly aware of her girlfriend’s ayes on her. She turned to Jessica and did her usual toothy grin. “Let’s go back to our lodge for now, right Sica?” Jessica turned to face Hyoyeon, ineffectively hiding her sudden change of mood. “Yeah, Hyo. I bet Seohyun is going crazy from Yoong’s pranks. Those two just can’t be alone together.” “You don’t know how right you are,” Hyoyeon replied with her head down. Apparently, only Nicole and Jiyoung, who were standing closest to her, could hear. “Unnie, hush,” Nicole subtly reminded. She straightened up and took the liberty to reply in Hyoyeon’s stead. “We’ll follow wherever the unnies want to stay. Thank you for letting us stay awhile.” “Thank you!” Hara added with a bow, the volleyball ball still in hand; Jiyoung followed with a bow of her own. “We hope it isn’t much of a bother if we stay, too,” Sunye told Jessica. “Nah. The more unnies those kids have around, the more they’ll behave. Well, we hope Yoong does.” Yoobin laughed. She was already next to Ye Eun, a good amount of distance already between her and Yuri. “Our kids are like that, too, huh, Sunye?” she said, probably joking. “True,” Sunye confirmed by crossing her arms on her chest. “And we left them alone in our lodge, too.” “Is Sohee okay now?” Sunny asked, finally joining the conversation. “Yes. But we told her to take it easy since it was hot outside this morning. Come to think about it, she really wanted to take pictures today.” “Like Sica,” Sunny replied, holding her hand slightly in front of her mouth to hide a giggle. “Yah! Shut up, Soonkyu!” Jessica defended. She feared Sunny’s revelation of more details. “Sica just likes taking strangely unique photos,” Hyoyeon whispered into Nicole’s ear. This time, no one else heard. It might have been better that way. “Omo… Like a real photographer?” Nicole whispered back. “Aish. We’ll talk about it later. It’s so funny.”

With Yoobin leading the way, the group of girls headed toward the ice cream shop, the same one Sunmi told Taeyeon about. Unexpectedly, Sooyoung was lagging behind. A certain someone noticed.

Yuri elbowed her friend’s side. “What’s this? Do hangovers really make our Choi Sooyoung behave?” she teased. Sooyoung giggled. “You mood-destroyer!” she teased back.

“Huh? Me?” “Yeah. You.” Yuri scratched her head and then faced forward. The first thing she saw was a view of Jessica alongside Sunye. They were talking. “Fine. I destroy a lot of moods,” Yuri admitted. “I don’t mean to, though.” “Nah. I’m just kidding. I could really use an ice cream cone as compensation, though!” Yuri slapped Sooyoung’s arm. “Yah! You sneaky shikshin!” Sooyoung laughed, her head almost thrown back. She put an arm around Yuri’s neck. “You think Sica will still be jealous even if it’s me?” “What?!” Sooyoung let the side of her head touch Yuri’s. “I’m a good listener, remember? And when Sica talks like that, there’s bound to be a reason. Let’s just hope Yoobin unnie knows how to defend herself.” Yuri shook her head. “No way! It’s not like that!” “Nuh-uh, Kwon Yuri. I heard it loud and clear. That was jealousy. Pure, undeniable, green envy.” Yuri bit her lower lip. She continued walking, still trapped by Sooyoung’s arm. “At least you have that chance to express what you want to express, Yuri-ah. Unlike Taeyeon… Unlike me.”

Details were spared. Yuri was left trying to guess.

The selection of ice cream flavors extended from familiar fruity flavors up to the more innovative combinations and the legendary banana split. The girls could barely make a single, concrete choice as if they were faced with some life-changing decision-making.

“Lots and lots of chocolate!” Hara cheered. “Strawberry, too, unnie,” Jiyoung whispered into Nicole’s ear. “Okay. I got it,” Nicole replied as she fished the cooler for the desired flavors. She caught Hyoyeon’s eye as she searched. “Yeah, unnie?” Hyoyeon shook her head in response. “Nothing.” Nicole grinned. “Look at what you’re holding.” Hyoyeon raised her hand and eyed what she had been holding since she reached into the cooler. “Chocolate bar. Hm?” “Like the one we bought that day!” Hyoyeon took a few seconds to recall. Sooyoung might have teased her if she witnessed the scene. “Ah! Yeah! Chocolate bars!” “Get them, too!” Hara said while tugging on Nicole’s arm. “More chocolate!” “Yeah, yeah. Fine. I’ll get ‘em.”

“Yey!” “You’re like her umma,” Hyoyeon commented. She had already gotten two chocolate bars. Hara hid her reddish face. “Umma?” she muttered to herself. Nicole laughed, both hands already trembling because of the chilly treats. “Taking care of Hara is fun. Oh,” she faced her flustered friend and handed the ice cream bars over, “hold this for awhile.” “Huh? What—” “Your hair is messy,” Nicole said as she brushed Hara’s hair back. “Yah! Your hands are wet!” “Oops. Sorry.” “Here, unnie.” Jiyoung offered her handkerchief. Nicole gladly accepted her dongsaeng’s generosity. “Thanks.”

Without anyone noticing, Hyoyeon had approached the three girls from the other side of the cooler. She had nothing but those two chocolate bars in hand. Her palms were appearing a bit reddish, as red as Hara’s cheeks.

“Jiyoung-ah, does she act like this all the time?” she asked the younger. “Nicole unnie?” “Yeah. Has she been good to you and your friends?” Jiyoung nodded. “She’s very caring. Why do you ask, unnie?” “Just making sure she deserves this chocolate bar.”

Not too far from the cooler, Jessica was already paying for her caramel coffee-flavored ice cream scoop. She stood by, waiting for the cashier to give her her change. A pair of arms slithered around her waist from behind.

“Yuri-ah, stop it,” she hissed. “Yuri-ah?” Jessica quickly looked over her shoulder. “What the—Sunny!” Sunny giggled. “Peek-a-boo!” Jessica pushed her friends’ arms down to release herself from the hold. Then she turned around. “Sorry. I thought you were… you know.” “It’s fine. She does hug you a lot. I understand. So what’s up? You seemed pissed.” Jessica shrugged. “What about you? And Sooyoung?” “Meh. I dunno. There just seems to be no time to talk it out. And with everything still being about Taengoo and Fany… well, we all know what happens next.” “Of course. It’s like they’re some kind of drug for us. We just can’t help ourselves.”

“Yup. Hey, your change.” “Excuse me?” “Your change,” Sunny repeated as she pointed at the counter. “Ah!” Jessica turned around and accepted a couple of bills. She gave a small bow in apology to the cashier. “And your ice cream,” Sunny added. “Huh?” Sunny pointed to the light brown trail from the cone to Jessica’s wrist. “Dammit!” Jessica cried out. She hurriedly licked the side of her cone and wiped her hand with the tissue paper she received from the cashier earlier. “Did some get on my clothes?” she frantically asked Sunny while checking her shirt and her shorts in search of a brown blotch. “Nope. I don’t think so,” Sunny answered. “You must be really spacing out, Sica. Mind saying why?”

Jessica replied with silence as she took the first step forward and away from the counter. She caught a glimpse of Team Sunye gathered around the cooler with Hyoyeon, Nicole, Hara and Jiyoung on her way to the exit. Sunny followed.

“I wonder where those two are,” Jessica told Sunny as they both stood outside the shop. She took a bite of her ice cream. “I saw them near the cooler awhile ago. Sooyoungie sure was picking a lot of flavors.” “That’s no surprise. She probably got Yuri to treat her to some.” “Yeah. I bet!” Jessica took another bite. She had reached part of the cone. “Yuri’s too kind. A real prankster… but really just plain kind,” Sunny added. “It’s a gift and a curse,” Jessica commented. “So she’s the reason you’re pissed?” “Not exactly. I’m as pissed at myself as I am with her. It’s that kind of frustration you end up being thankful for, you know?” “Like when you really care for someone?”

Silence.

The shop door opened and out came Team Sunye with a big plastic bag.

“Oh. You guys are done buying already?” said Yoobin. Jessica and Sunny nodded.

“We got the ice cream for Seohyun and Yoona,” Ye Eun informed. “We got three flavors ‘cause we weren’t sure what they wanted. I hope it’s okay.” Jessica and Sunny exchanged glances. “We’re so sorry!” Sunny quickly gave a bow. “We should’ve paid for Seohyun and Yoong’s ice cream. Please let us repay you.” “I’m sorry, guys,” Jessica added. “You should’ve just asked us to pay. We’re really sorry. Seohyun and Yoong aren’t your responsibilities after all.” A collective laugh escaped ‘Team Sunye.’ “Come on, Jessica,” Sunye began to assure. “There’s no need to apologize.” “Yeah,” Yoobin agreed. She tapped Sunny’s back to signal the cessation of the deep bow. “Are you sure?” Sunny asked as she straightened up. “Of course,” Ye Eun replied on behalf of her friends. “And besides, Yuri and Sooyoung gave us the money to buy the ice cream. No worries.” Jessica almost crushed her ice cream cone. “They—those two?!” “Yeah. Before they left.” “Where did they go?” “They said they would wait for us at your lodge instead.” “Ah. Okay.”

Sunny carefully examined Jessica’s stance. There was a form of familiarity, like she herself was holding a cone with melted light brown ice cream flowing down its side. There was that feeling of ‘spacing out’ the moment she heard that Sooyoung had left.

“We’re here!” Hyoyeon announced as she arrived. Nicole and her friends were directly behind her. “Ready to head out, guys?” Everyone nodded. “Sica, your ice cream!” “What the—Ah, dammit!”

CHAPTER 39 It was time to go back.

She left Sunmi and Sohee after saying her goodbyes and then went out that befriended door. She no longer minded the sand in between her toes. There were other things to think about. Selfish, huh? But haven’t I given enough of myself? Haven’t I shown her enough of me? Of every part of me? She knows me too well already.

She looked up at the dimming sky. It was almost evening and she had one more meal to prepare. Why she was so concentrated on food wasn’t the main question to be asked. The mystery for the day was that gurgling in her stomach, the pain that felt so good. Perhaps more masochistic tendencies.

“I love… love…” she tried to mutter. She could finally say it again. But she was alone, walking and looking up at the sky. The word meant less without the giver and the receiver. She had the ‘I’ down, but what about the ‘you’?

“Fany-ah…” she followed in a whisper. “I love you.”

She smiled to recognize some sort of victory. It did feel nice. There was less gurgling from her stomach and a sweet taste hung on her tongue, like saying Tiffany’s name served as a gummy treat.

“I’m back, guys,” she announced as she opened the door. “Taeng!” “What?” Taeyeon replied in shock as Hyoyeon hurriedly approached her. “Tiffany’s gone!” “She’s what?!” “She’s gone!” Taeyeon stood before her friends, speechless. The dryness of her mouth struck her. Ouch, she thought. It had been awhile but the usual pain entered her, pulsed against her insides.

“Why is it that every time I’m with you I get injured?”

But being pushed off of a chair during a birthday party was nothing compared to hitting rock solid reality where Tiffany no longer stood beside her; Tiffany’s nail piercing the side of her finger was as distant a memory as the extinction of dinosaurs; the steel table’s discreet attack on her forehead was less of a threat when placed next to the unknown force gripping her chest.

With injuries or none, she experienced no regret in having Tiffany right next to her, though unreachable and impossible to fully possess.

And now that you’re gone… I feel like dying. Where’s that temporary amnesia when I need it?

“Taeng? You okay? Are you breathing?”

Hyoyeon’s voice seemed farther. Taeyeon took a deep breath and blinked, probably wishing that she was dreaming. Or not. After all, it was in her dreams where she met Tiffany the most, the Tiffany she could have. Simply, no dream should exist without Tiffany in it.

“Taeng, don’t worry,” Jessica said. She had just emerged from the kitchen entrance after sensing that Taeyeon’s inability to respond could lead to more traumatic stress. “Yuri and Sooyoung are already out looking for her. She couldn’t have gone far.”

There was no response.

Taeyeon was lost in her head, drowning in a pit filled with ‘ouch’ and ‘I love you.’ It did make sense to her and she recalled having heard: “What’s love without a little pain?”

But this is too much! Too freakin’ much!

She rushed to the door without leaving her friends so much as a word or a gesture. She was once again out of the lodge, amidst the stretch of sand. She spun around, looked up, tried to grasp some sort of lead. It was dark and the beach she described as small suddenly came down on her as the largest, physical being she had ever encountered though a certain hidden character still held the title of the largest being she had ever encountered. With all the blood rushing to her head, she didn’t bother to label it, the ‘it’ that she probably lost Tiffany to.

“Ti-ppany… Where could you—”

She sprinted. The sand rose around her, stuck to her toes and crept under her toenails. She failed to care. She kicked the ground harder, both arms rising and falling on her sides as she ran. She fed off of her shallow breathing for going too deep meant another mention of ‘ouch.’

The palm trees appeared before her, this time more like towers than trees. She rushed past them and toward the edge she and Tiffany shared both from above and from below. She could hear the waves growling, eating their way into the remaining rocky side.

But there was no Tiffany.

“Tsk. Fany-ah…”

She quickly turned back, left the boundary-like palm trees behind and the discouraging wailing water. Cold, hair-raising breezes met her with every step. The sweat rushed down parts of her body that she could not remember how to name: down her neck maybe or her back or the then foreign objects that were her cheeks.

She didn’t know anything.

“Hee-Heechul unnie…” “Taeyeon? What’s the matter?” “Fa-Fany… was she—” “Sorry. I haven’t seen her. Yuri and Sooyoung asked awhile—”

There was still no Tiffany.

She ran. Heechul’s voice was instantly nothing. It joined the separate box at the back of her mind where the forgotten were stored. She could not remember she had the said storage, either.

Where else? Where else?

She passed by the ice cream shop and then she circled the line of stalls next to Teukie’s when she found that their cheerful oppa had closed the shop for the night. Suddenly, thoughts of Tiffany having escaped to the cave were dismissed. After going around the stalls one more time, she took one look at the hotdog stand they bought from the day before and found no one but the owner.

Her legs were starting to throb. Instead of the stress turning her immune to anything other than the thought of Tiffany clawing its way into her, she was extra sensitive to her surroundings: the bluegrayish, saline-infested sea was screaming into her ear, the fine grains of sand poked holes into every inch of her feet up to her ankles, the cold but dry air strangled her as if holding her by the collar of her shirt.

What hurt even more was she couldn’t cry. That fact alone knocked her down, both literally and figuratively, left her defeated and struggling.

She had already checked every shop, every stall.

She had already checked, with all of her shame set aside, the restaurant they ate lunch at. There seemed to be a private party going on when she arrived and she rushed out after being shooed away by the organizer.

She ran off to every other place where she found people gathering around something. Though she despised the thought, Tiffany might have been taking a nice walk and then collapsed or perhaps someone tried to kidnap her. The most bizarre reasons flooded Taeyeon’s mind and none of them had enough force to be convincing. Perhaps it was part of her trying to fool herself, trying to tell herself that “Tiffany’s gone” wasn’t real.

It’s a joke, right? She’s not really gone. She can’t be gone. I was just holding her hours ago. And she told me she likes it whenever I do. She just told me! Hours… ago.

She limped, dragged herself toward someplace with something other than just sand. Another tall object towered over her, though it had no leaves like the palm trees. She looked up and exhaled, like it was her very last breath.

“Fany-ah!!” she screamed. A figure above her moved. She screamed again. “Fany-ah!!” “Taeng!”

To her disappointment, it wasn’t the voice she yearned for. She let her head fall back down and turned around to face where the voice came from. Two familiar faces came into view.

“Taeng!” Yuri called out once more. She hurriedly approached her friend and pulled her into an immediate, tight embrace. “Taeng, are you okay? Are you hurt?” “What are you talking about, Yuri-ah?” Taeyeon replied in a mumble. Being squeezed wasn’t making breathing any easier. Not that she minded. “Taeyeon, we’re sorry,” Sooyoung struggled to say, sweat dripping from her forehead and down her cheeks. She detested her lack of skills in physical activities. Trying to keep up with a running Yuri meant death for her.

Taeyeon pressed her forehead on Yuri’s shoulder and closed her eyes. Her lungs were breaking and she knew it, but still she inhaled the faint trace of some smell she couldn’t recognize from Yuri’s clothes. She thought it was pathetic of her to attempt naming a perfume when Tiffany was still missing.

“So it isn’t a joke,” she muttered.

Yuri swallowed. If it were possible, she wanted to remain silent until Tiffany’s probable return. “No, Taeng. It’s not.” “Sorry to interrupt,” went a deep, boyish voice. Yuri looked up and found the last person she knew Taeyeon needed. “Ah. Siwon oppa. Sorry. We’ll move away from your post if that’s—” “No. Please don’t,” Siwon replied, gesturing that it was indeed okay for people to gather near his post. “I just couldn’t help overhearing so I climbed down. Is there something I can do to help?” Yuri tightened her grip on Taeyeon’s body, hoping her friend wouldn’t suddenly explode and pounce on Siwon in frustration or mindlessness because of what she was about to do. “Oppa… Tiffany is missing. By any chance, have you seen her?” Siwon took his time to reply. The only movement Yuri and Sooyoung sensed from him was his light tugging on the whistle around his neck. “Oppa, if you know anything—” “I’ll call Hyukjae oppa and some other friends. I’ll be right back!”

Before Yuri or Sooyoung could say anything, Siwon’s clinking whistle already sounded so far away. They focused their attention back to the silent Taeyeon. The latter seemed as dead as a branch, as pale as the moon that hovered above them.

“We’ll find her. Don’t worry,” Yuri whispered. It pained her to say something that bordered on uncertain and impossible, but she had to do it. After all, she was the pioneer of the infamous “Sometimes you have to protect the people you love with lies.”

Sooyoung stroked Taeyeon’s back. Tears had already lined her cheeks in place of sweat and she was trembling. The images flashed right before her eyes: joking with Yuri on their way back to the ninth lodge, the door opened half-way, Yoona and Seohyun running in circles and screaming at each other from one far corner of the lodge to another, the big, bold, highlighted words: “Unnies! Tiffany unnie is missing!” She stood by motionless. Her hand slid down Taeyeon’s back and returned to her side. “Yuri, take Taeyeon back to the lodge. I’ll wait for Siwon oppa.” “You sure you’re going to be okay?” Yuri asked. “Yeah. Just take her back.”

Yuri nodded. She released Taeyeon slowly and was honestly scared of looking into her friend’s eyes. She feared seeing the tears, the very entities she was trying to protect her friends from.

“Taeng… let’s go back for now, okay?” she said, trying to remain firm. With the same trembling body as Sooyoung’s, she brushed Taeyeon’s hair aside to finally reveal if her friend had cried or not. Taeyeon looked up, her face fully visible after Yuri fixed her hair. “Okay?” Yuri asked again to confirm. Her friend’s eyes were dry, but she felt no relief. Taeyeon shook her head. “I’m going to look for her.” “But Taeng—” “As long as her things are still here, I won’t lose hope. She has to be here.” Yuri remained silent. Tiffany’s things were gone. “Taeyeon, her things are…” Sooyoung started to explain. “Oh. I see.” Taeyeon paused, clenched her fists. “I’m still gonna try. When I give up, I’ll come back to the lodge. I’ll see you guys later.”

She left, ran again. It might have been her envy of Siwon that fueled her, or maybe the short rest she took in Yuri’s arms. It didn’t matter. She just ran. Her hair returned to its messy state, her body to its unsteady throbbing.

She did a quick check of every corner of the beach, from those which were familiar to those she had only seen that night: people, bonfires, food, sand, water, trees. That was all she saw.

Sand. Trees. Water. Sand. Trees. Water.

One more round.

Sand. Trees. Water. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand.

And again, no Tiffany.

She fell to the ground, knees first.

“Why, Fany-ah?” she whispered into the air. The breeze had turned dry but part of her wished it could carry the question to wherever Tiffany was waiting. She bent forward and almost fell over. Then she hugged herself, her shaking being, her bruised everything.

You said you like it when I hold you. When I hold your hand… when I say dorky things… But what about me? What about what I like? What about me liking it when you smile? When you hug me back? When you say my name? When…

She straightened herself up. It had just dawned on her. “When?” Time, huh? I ran out of it? And on day five of all days. She stood up and walked. There wasn’t enough space for her to run and strength had left her hours ago. The only thing keeping her breathing was trying to identify that smell on Yuri’s clothes, the one that somehow got stuck on the tip of her nose.

After a few steps, she reached that part of the shore where the waves rested for a fraction of a second. She watched as they took backward steps or strokes, or whatever they were really called, toward the center of the sea again.

Forward, backward, forward...

It didn’t matter how long she counted. There were only two directions.

“Come back, Fany-ah… Forward… backward… you have to come back.”

Finally, she coughed. And out came the tears.

It was the first of the many regrets she was about to have.

“I wish I didn’t let go of you!!” she screamed. The waves growled back. “Fany-ah!! Come back!!” “Fany-ah!!” “FANY-AH!!” “Fany-ah!! Please!!”

The water touched her sandy feet. She knew she had gotten dirty, that sweat had dried on her skin and that her hair was not the only mess she had. Her eyes were swollen, her throat was dry, everything else was missing, sucked into oblivion.

“One more time, Fany-ah… Just let me hold you.”

There was no Tiffany and soon, though slowly, Kim Taeyeon was about to disappear. She sat down. She didn’t dare to mind if it was wet or muddy or that she was an existing blob of sweat and tears. It was worse than pathetic.

“Where could you have possibly gone, Hwang Miyoung?”

She thought of calling, but remembered that she left her phone. She sprang to her feet when she realized that her friends had theirs. And then sat back down when she remembered that Tiffany left hers as well. “Screw this,” she muttered, hugging her legs.

She curled herself up into a ball of sweat, tears, water and sand. Her shirt stuck to her back and her shorts barely served as protection from the sand she was sitting on. But how could she care?

“So I probably did freak her out. And all that stuff about holding her… it must have been a lie. It must have been to make me feel better or something. You’re so unfair, Ti-ppany. You’re the selfish one.”

She looked up and found the evening sky to be the object of scorn. For the first time in her life, or at least part of it that she could remember, she cursed the stars, the moon, everything around her. She once thought it would be romantic if she took Tiffany stargazing, if they laid a blanket out on the grass and lied down to wish on passing comets, if they kissed.

“So many ifs, so little time. Still a few things to do for you, so many things trying to take you away. Why’d you give in, Miyoung? Why so fast?”

She laughed, her snickers forced like that time with her Heechul unnie. This time, though, she didn’t feel like she was crazy. Instead, she felt on top of everything, like she could point at the evening sky and it would disappear, like she could damn everything around her to hell.

And that was precisely what she was about to start. She stood up.

“Hey, god!!” she screamed, emptying her lungs of the breaths she took while she was sitting down. “HEY GOD!!”

There was no response.

“HEY!!” she screamed once more at the empty space before her. Even the waves lapping at her feet were no longer worthy of mention. She just saw them as some kind of distraction.

“WHY DON’T YOU ANSWER BACK?!! I’M CALLING YOU!!”

She released another laugh. Her heart raced. Blood was being pumped faster throughout her body, heightening her senses, like she was some kind of superhero. That hidden character was the targeted villain.

“YOU’RE NOT REAL!!” “IF YOU ARE THEN ANSWER ME!!” “ANSWER ME, DAMN STUPID GOOD-FOR-NOTHING INVISIBLE PIECE OF CRAP!!”

Moon. Stars. Water. Sand.

No Tiffany. No time. No piece of crap. She felt even more enraged.

She balled her hands into fists. Tighter and tighter.

“YOU’RE JUST A STUPID WORD!! SHE CAN’T POSSIBLY FREAKIN’ BELIEVE YOU!!”

She went on screaming, ranting. Her lungs broke out and her aching throat became the center of sensation. Everything else had disappeared: Yuri’s smell; her sense of sight; the feeling in her hands, her legs, her feet; her sense of identity.

Minutes passed. Not that she was aware of it.

Nothing fell: the sky was still above her, complete with the moon, the stars and the grayish outlines of clouds; the beach was still in once piece; the people around a bonfire meters from her were still breathing.

There were no gates to hell, either. No damnation What the hell am I doing? Who am I even talking to?

Her breathing returned to its normal pace, her heartbeat to its one-two beating.

She swallowed. Her mouth was once again drenched by saliva after she paused from bellowing.

Dammit. Whatever I do, I lose.

She could not open her mouth to talk.

Fany-ah, come on. You didn’t leave me, right? You just couldn’t have. Not for some stupid word.

Her arms rose, like someone had pulled them up. She must have felt like a newborn child, like she was still getting used to her own body. She wiped her eyes and felt a sting. Sand had gotten inside and she winced.

Ouch.

It was minor, not even close to being called an ‘injury.’ It was easily overshadowed by the emptiness within her, in between her fingers, of the spot right next to her.

Come on, Miyoung. Come on. You’re right here. You just have to be.

“Taeyeon?” “Ti-ppany!” She turned around once her body and her brain connected. Everything was working again. “Ti-ppany, you didn’t—” “Hi. Sorry.”

CHAPTER 40 They both stood before the sea. It was strangely calm. Just minutes ago, it was growling.

“Eunjung-ah! Let’s sit here! Please?” “Tsk. You wanna sit on the sand? It’s dirty!” “But it’ll be so romantic!” “Yah! Park Sunyoung!” “Hey! Don’t call me by my full name, Eunjung-ah!”

They watched the pair rush past them, laughing. Just minutes ago, they were arguing.

Taeyeon sighed. She felt like a fool. “So that’s how you let out steam, huh?” “Yeah. I shout.” “At anything?” Taeyeon shook her head. “I can’t shout at people.”

“So you shout at things?” “Yeah, I guess. Once… I screamed at the Han River. But that was a long time ago.” “Ah. So you like shouting at big bodies of water? That’s… weird. But pretty cool! I used to ride my bike past the Han River. Maybe I ran into you and didn’t know it, huh?” “Maybe. Hey, Sunye?” “Yeah?”

Taeyeon lowered her head to let herself shrink. She felt more and more ashamed of herself the longer she talked to Sunye who had a weak smile.

“What are you doing here? With me?” “Keeping you company. Why? Do you want me to go?” “No. I was just asking. At least you have an answer.” Sunye side-stepped to reach Taeyeon’s hand and held it. “I was shocked when I found out. The minute we got to your lodge, everything had turned messy. We’ve been looking around, too. I’m sorry if we haven’t gotten any leads. Sunmi wants to say sorry, too.” Taeyeon’s eyes widened. “What? Sunmi?” Sunye nodded. “She’s out here somewhere. I dunno. She didn’t message me back yet. Taeyeon, I know I’m not in any position to say this, but she’s just a kid. Whatever she did to make Tiffany want to leave, I’m sure she—” “She didn’t do anything. I’m probably the reason. I’m not blaming Sunmi for anything. I would never blame her for anything!” “I see. It’s just that… by how she said it, it was like she caused this. I guess I’m a pretty bad unnie for not even knowing what she’s really up to. And for that, I apologize again. I guess this time treating anyone to lunch won’t do any good.” Taeyeon pulled her hand back and jammed it into her shorts’ pocket. “Sorry if we can’t do much to help you,” Sunye muttered. “Please stop apologizing. None of this is your fault. It isn’t yours. It isn’t Sunmi’s. It isn’t my friends’ or your friends’ or Hyoyeon’s friend’s friends’.” Taeyeon lifted her head and faced Sunye, tears already in the corners of her eyes. “But I want to thank you for trying to cheer me up.” “It’s the least I can do.” “Yeah. Oh. And I’m sorry if you had to see me like that. Screaming and stuff. That was stupid.” “I’m not out to judge you, Taeyeon. I’m not in any position to do that, either. Whatever I saw or heard, I’ll be sure to keep as a lesson from this vacation. Hopefully, you will, too.”

The two parted ways. After declining Taeyeon’s offer to help look for Sunmi, Sunye disappeared into the distance: the same one Taeyeon took on and ran across, the view of the wide stretch that was the colossal beach.

Taeyeon arrived at the ninth lodge. Staying true to her word, she returned upon having given up.

“Taeyeon unnie!” She grew sick of her name: ‘Taeyeon,’ ‘Taeyeon unnie,’ ‘Taeng,’ ‘Taengoo.’ They all sounded depressing. “I’m sorry, Taeyeon unnie!” “Stop saying that, Yoong. This is my fault. I just know it. Just leave it.” Yoona inhaled. A slight sloshing sound from inside her nose suggested she had been crying. “If I had been watching the door then Tiffany unnie couldn’t have left!” Taeyeon groaned. She dragged her drained self toward the couch and sat down. “Just leave it,” she repeated. “Why are you being like this, unnie? Don’t you want to—” “I already tried so just leave it.” Yoona submitted to Taeyeon’s indifference and it pained her to do so. Regardless, she sat beside her unnie. “Where are the others?” Taeyeon asked. “Still out. They’re still looking for—” “No one’s gonna find her.” “Unnie… seriously, please stop being like that. You shouldn’t give up just yet.” “But that’s why I’m here,” Taeyeon replied. She leaned back, almost slouching. “Because I gave up looking for her.” “Even if you say that, I know you’re worried about her. I know you care. Stop pretending like you don’t.” “I said I gave up. I didn’t say I stopped caring about her.” Yoona clasped both hands together. She rarely took responsibility for anything. Nonetheless, she knew this one was on her. This was her burden. “The other unnies are sorry, unnie. I’m sorry.” “I said stop apologizing! It’s not like you guys knew that—” “We did. Kinda.” Taeyeon sat up, her expression readable, but far from decipherable. “You guys freakin’ knew she was gonna leave?!! What the heck were you—” “We didn’t think she would… I mean, we weren’t sure if—” “When did she tell you?!”

Yoona’s turn to shrink had come. She felt so little, so insignificant in front of the enraged Taeyeon. She voluntarily scratched out the “Super” from her name. “She didn’t exactly tell us. Sunny unnie just had this feeling and—” Taeyeon sprang to her feet and rushed to the door. “Lee Soonkyu! That little—Yah!” “Unnie! No!” Yoona cried out as she dashed after the angered one. She grabbed Taeyeon’s arm and pulled her back. “Sunny unnie tried to stop her, I swear! We thought it was gonna work!” “But it didn’t! And you guys didn’t even tell me! Now we have no idea where she is!!” “We didn’t mean to, unnie!” “It’s always this way with you guys! Even with her! Secrets, secrets, secrets! To hell with all of your screwed up secrets!”

Taeyeon forcefully pulled her arm out of Yoona’s grip and stormed off. Without thinking about it, she ended up inside that room across from Jessica’s.

Outside, Yoona was left with a clogged nose. Just minutes ago, it was runny.

“Leave her alone for now,” went a voice from behind her. A pair of arms had also settled around her waist. With her head down, Yoona replied, “Let go, Hyunnie. This is the reason Tiffany unnie left in the first place.” Seohyun pressed her forehead on Yoona’s back as she held on tighter. “No. This wasn’t the reason.” “If I hadn’t come on to you we would’ve been in the living room watching the door!” Yoona tried to scream with gritted teeth. “Stop blaming yourself, unnie. It could’ve happened in a number of other ways. For now, we should—” “But it happened! That’s the point! Who cares about how many possibilities there could be?!” Seohyun tightened her hold on Yoona’s body even more. “And who cares if you’re complaining about how many possibilities there could be? That’s not going to bring Tiffany unnie back.” “Stop talking like you’re giving me a lecture on logic!” “I’m not giving you a lecture on logic.”

Yoona’s nose was once again runny. She had no reply, no excuse, no anything. All of her apologies failed to break defenses and in the end, the tears spewed out.

“Stop blaming yourself,” Seohyun repeated in a soft whisper. Yoona’s shoulders heaved. Her breathing became irregular. More than once, she coughed.

“Unnie…” Seohyun loosened her hold and resorted to stroking Yoona’s back. “Hyunnie, it’s my fault. My… fault… my fault…”

Seohyun walked Yoona to the couch and had her sit down. She no longer tried to make the latter stop crying. It would have been useless and she knew that.

“My fault…” Yoona kept repeating. “Sshhh…” Seohyun whispered. She cupped Yoona’s face, trying to hold back tears of her own. No. Not this time. I have to be strong for her for once. “Hyu-Hyunnie, I—I didn’t mean—mean to…” Seohyun gave a slight smile as her hands slid down Yoona’s cheeks. “I didn’t mean to…I didn’t mean to…” Yoona muttered in between her sniffles. She laid herself down on the couch, her head landing on Seohyun’s lap. The tears kept rolling.

The youngest could not do a thing. There was nothing to say, either. She leaned back and stared down at the girl lying helplessly before her. It’s not like I don’t want to take the blame, she thought. It’s not like I’m not guilty of something. Of course I am. Everyone is. And yet… Tiffany unnie. Why isn’t anyone blaming you?

Her blood was boiling. She knew she should have been worried, but she could not help herself. She had thought about it and, as usual, as reason itself would reason, the root could be identified. In this case, it was Tiffany.

Tiffany was the one who decided to leave. Tiffany was the one who left them all guessing why. Tiffany was the one who disappeared with the biggest secrets of all. And it made sense. After all, Tiffany had been at the center of each and every one of their lives.

And this time is no different. You’re so selfish, unnie.

Seohyun ran her fingers through Yoona’s hair, parted it a bit and then smoothed it out again.

Silence.

The sobbing seemed to have stopped.

She sighed in relief. “Yoona unnie?” There was no response.

“Okay. Sleep for awhile.”

She spent a few more minutes thinking about their situation. She wished she could drift off to sleep, too, but cast away the thought. She was the youngest. Whatever pain her unnies bore multiplied on its way down to her. Though it was something to complain about, it resulted to that kind of frustration she always ended up being thankful for. Jessica could not have said it better herself. And there was no need for her to do so because the youngest knew it better than anyone else. She cared about her unnies, Tiffany all the more.

A door opened and she heard light footsteps. “Hi.” “Hello, Taeyeon unnie.” “Is she okay?” “She fell asleep.” Taeyeon sat on the floor, one leg crossed over the other. “I didn’t mean to shout at her. I’m the one who should be sorry.” Seohyun began running her hair through Yoona’s hair again. “She understands, unnie. I’m sure.” “I hope she does. I just… I didn’t know things would turn out this way.” “No one could’ve known for sure, unnie.” “If I had shared a brain with her, maybe I could’ve.” “With Tiffany unnie? But that’s impossible.” “I know. It’s just something Hyo told me once. I’d ask for it again and again even if it were impossible.” “Why?” “So she’ll just know what I’m thinking and I can know what’s on her mind, too.” “That’s what talking is for, unnie. Communication, remember?” Taeyeon nodded. She stayed silent for awhile, like she was counting how many times she was blinking. “Unnie,” the youngest said to break the useless silence, “how did we ever get here? How did things get so… tangled up?” “Since we all stopped talking, I guess.” “Did we ever stop talking? I mean, we’re all friends and—” “And we all have secrets. That’s the problem. Just because we think we know everything about each other doesn’t mean we know what’s going on.” “So why did we stop? And how could the secrets have piled up on us? I didn’t even notice.” “I didn’t, either. I doubt that anyone noticed.” “And now we get reminded by this incident, huh?”

“I guess so. Whatever she does, Fany-ah just takes a whole lot with her. That’s just the way she’s always been. She becomes a part of your life and she makes you realize a lot of things when she stays. I guess when she leaves, she makes you realize even more.” “Aren’t you mad at her, unnie?” “Are you?” Seohyun kept still. “It’s okay if you are,” Taeyeon assured. “But I know it’s because you’re worried about her.” “I am. A whole lot. And that’s why I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. You care about her the most. You must be the angriest, too, right? You can just say so, unnie. So we can start talking again.” Taeyeon giggled. Her insides quivered from the almost alienated sensation. “As far as I know, I’m the one you guys read the easiest. I still remember Yuri saying she could see the feelings I’ve been hiding. If she’s right then you don’t need to ask me anything.” “I don’t think we can see everything about you, unnie. I don’t think anyone can look at anyone and just know.” “You think too much, really.” “I apologize. I guess I’m just used to it.” “Nah. There’s nothing bad about it. I should try it some time, actually.”

Seohyun sat up straight while being careful not to spread her legs too far apart because of Yoona’s head on her lap. She eyed Taeyeon’s almost expressionless face. “I’m not used to seeing you like this, unnie. And the way you talk… it’s even weirder. It’s like we lost you, too.” “Hey, hey. I’m here. And don’t talk like Fany-ah just died or something. She’s here, too. Somewhere. I hope she comes back. Even if it’s just to slap me or hit me or whatever.” “It probably isn’t even your fault.” “Who else could it be? I’m the only one close enough to deal the damage. I’m the only one who told her the things girls shouldn’t hear from girls. Come on, Seohyun. You’re smart. Do that thinking of yours during times like these.” Seohyun shook her head. “No. I refuse to believe that she left because of you. She cares about you too much to do that. And don’t even try to deny it!” “Okay. I won’t. I won’t deny it. If what you’re saying is true then she must have left because she cares about me too much. Or she’s out to save herself. Either way, she left, right? We can’t leave that out of the equation.” “It just can’t be. How would you know, unnie? You sound so sure that it’s almost scary.” Taeyeon shrugged. “I just know her. We might not be sharing a brain right now, but there are things I can pick up on. I think it’s a bad habit.” “Is it really possible to know someone that well? Have you asked yourself that, unnie? Aren’t you hurting yourself with the reasons you’re passing off as Tiffany unnie’s?”

“So many questions, Seohyun-ah.” “You just need to answer one, unnie. Come on. Break one of your secrets.”

The two kept eye-contact: one anticipating an answer and the other expecting to gain nothing at all from her revelation. Yoona’s mumble-like snoring served as a form of comic relief.

"How did this happen to you, unnie? How did you end up hurting yourself?" Seohyun asked. Her stare settled just above Taeyeon's lips as if waiting for them to move in reply. "Everything starts with talking," Taeyeon began, no longer having second thoughts about whatever it was that she might 'accidentally' say. "And then you start listening, nodding and agreeing with everything you hear." Taeyeon paused. Seohyun was still concentrating on those pair of lips. "And then next thing you know you just don't want to talk anymore. You don't want to because you're scared that something bad might come out. You don’t want to because the words might be wrong. You don’t want to because she might take it the wrong way.” Seohyun replied with silence, a signal for Taeyeon to go on. “So in the end, it’s not her smile, it’s not her aegyo, it’s not just that cute butt—” Seohyun released a chuckle. She was unable to hold it back. “Sorry, unnie. Please go on.” Taeyeon grinned. “Yeah. That cute butt. Anyway, I realized that it was the time I spent with her that meant the most. I just enjoyed being with her. More than anything, I looked forward to hearing her talk. I guess it’s because I had nothing of my own to share and whenever she tells me something it’s like I gain little by little, you know? The sad thing is that the longer we spent being together as friends, the more I learned that for me to keep my time with her, I needed to stay quiet. You know what I’m talking about, right? Rules and stuff?” Seohyun nodded. “Good. So I did. I kept quiet. Or at least I tried. Sometimes, a few stupid, cheesy things would slip out. The point is I kept quiet about liking her. And I wasn’t very good at it, either. I mean, you guys found out anyway, right? And now, I guess she found out as well.” Taeyeon paused to sigh. “Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t want to keep it all a secret. I’m okay with showing her how I feel… just not saying it. And then it got messy.” “Messy? What do you mean, unnie?” “Well, I involved a lot of people. Like you guys. I made you worry about me. And then came that stupid idea about asking Sunmi out—Hey! Wait! Now that I think about it, it’s all connected! If I hadn’t been struggling with Ti-ppany, you guys wouldn’t have worried and the summer fling thing wouldn’t have happened and Sunmi wouldn’t have shared her idea with me!” Taeyeon had her mouth hanging open, her brows slightly knitted. “And that’s why it’s all my fault! Seohyun, I… I’m really to blame!”

Seohyun giggled. She stopped brushing Yoona’s hair with her fingers and stared Taeyeon in the eye. “Unnie, you think too much.” Without a reply, Taeyeon stood up and gave her dongsaeng a slight smile. “Where are you going, unnie?” “To pack. I’m going home.” The youngest remained seated. She could not move. “Hyunnie…” went a mumble.

CHAPTER 41 She stood before it and thought it to be a replica, a duplicate of a memory.

“Who am I kidding? What am I doing here?”

She traced the curves with her finger. Round and round… round… round…

It did not matter how many times she traced each route. She was only going in circles.

“Hey, why don’t you start from this dot? And then I’ll start from this blue dot. Let’s see who gets to the yellow dot first!” “Ti-ppany!” “Sorry. Perverted thoughts.” “… I would never hurt you.”

She stopped midway on the line that connected where she was, to the beach she had recently left. The tip of her finger appeared grayish from the dirt that had accumulated from the minutes she spent tracing and re-tracing. Each destination was already in an outline, a big guide right in front of her. And yet she still stopped to contemplate.

She sighed and felt her chest tighten. She had not felt anything for the past few hours since she got off of the bullet train and it served as a go signal, a sudden reminder that she had not escaped from her concrete body that resided in reality.

“You mean a lot to me, Fany-ah. We’re friends, remember?”

She bent down to reach the bags at her feet. She merited another thrust of pain against her being.

“I shouldn’t have asked in the first place,” she whispered to herself.

Taeyeon had stabbed her with the words she once used as an excuse. Right then, she knew how it felt to be rejected, to be cast aside and labeled.

Friend.

She thought there was something more. Much more. After all, she could sense it from Taeyeon. She knew Taeyeon cared. She felt it every time Taeyeon would take her hand for no reason, every time Taeyeon would take big steps so they could walk side by side, every time Taeyeon would just shrug off their arguments. The ‘every time Taeyeon would’ list could go on and on.

Or at least, she thought it could go on and on.

She was slowly failing at keeping it a steady belief after hearing “You mean a lot to me, Fany-ah. We’re friends, remember?” What was worse was that it echoed through the cave’s walls, its various tunnels and passages, like an announcement to board the train. And even afterwards it echoed inside her head, kept ringing in her ears.

I guess I was worrying for nothing. Nothing. That’s what exists between us, huh?

She straightened up, her bags already in hand. She looked at the map once more just for the sake of looking at something she could understand. And still, she saw both her finger and Taeyeon’s colliding at that sharp curve before the yellow dot. She asked herself if that was how they were meant to meet – in a sudden crash – or if that was how they were meant to part ways: injured, hurt.

The yellow dot, though, could not be located. She checked every corner of the map, but was not able to find it. The she realized: Oh yeah. That map’s at the OTHER station. The one near home.

Nevertheless, she wanted to see the yellow dot. Perhaps she was hoping it would serve as her next destination given the fact that she had none at the moment.

“Tsk. This thing just won’t show me my reflection. How awful! The glass is so dirty!”

Not being able to complete her search, Tiffany turned to her side, tightly gripping her bags’ straps. She eyed the girl who was squinting at the map before them.

“Seriously, we’re going to be late!” said another unfamiliar girl who was slightly shorter. Tiffany took her bags and took a step back. The other two girls did not seem to notice. “But I forgot my mirror and—” “Fine. Use mine. But let’s get to the platform. Please? Nicole’s been messaging like crazy already!” “Seungyeon-ah, you do know what my needs are, don’t you?” “Yes, I do. You’re the goddess. I know that. Everyone knows that.” “Good. I knew you would understand. So don’t rush me, okay?” “But Nicole—” “Can probably wait a little while longer. Oh. And she better be taking good care of my Jiyoung baby! Or else I’m not moving an inch. I didn’t even want to go to the beach in the first place!” “You have to leave that musty theater sometimes, you know? You’ve been working too hard. Nicole just wanted you to have a change of scenery. It’s just for a night anyway. And besides, I’m sure Jiyoung-ah is having fun over there. Don’t worry.”

Tiffany was glued to the spot. She was starting to lose the feeling in her limbs again. It was similar to how she felt when she ran out of the ninth lodge with her bags’ straps carelessly wound around her like a web.

Nicole? Now where have I heard that name before?

”You’re right. That kid cares about me too much. It’s so cute.” “I’m glad you finally realized. Now let’s go wait for the train.” “’Kay. Lead the way.” “Uh, aren’t you supposed to lead?” “Nuh-uh. I thought you knew how to get there.” “No way! You’re the one who brought us here!” “That’s because I know how to get to this station. Duh! But how am I supposed to know how to get to the beach when it wasn’t even my idea to go?” “Tsk. This is just great. Ah! We can check the map!” “Oh. Right. So… We’re here and the next route leads to—Excuse me?” Tiffany almost fell over in shock as she met the girl’s eyes. “Huh? Me?” “I know I’m pretty and everything, but please don’t stare at me too much. It’s distracting.” “Oh. Sorry. I was just—” The shorter companion interrupted Tiffany with a smile. “Pardon her. She’s just very—Anyway, would you mind helping us out? You look like you seem to know your way around.”

Unaware of it, Tiffany had taken another step back. Her bags’ straps were once again against her like ropes, strangling her as if to squeeze out a reply. “Uh… are you okay?” the girl asked. “Seungyeon-ah, we shouldn’t talk to strangers,” the other girl reminded as she fixed her long, straight hair. Seungyeon turned to face her friend and frowned. “You’re so mean sometimes,” she mumbled. “I’m just trying to keep you safe, you know?” “Don’t worry. She looks harmless.” “The beach is,” Tiffany started, refusing to stutter, “at this spot right here.” She pointed at the map. “The next train should be here any minute.” “See, Gyuri-ah?” Seungyeon gave her friend a wide grin. “Harmless.” “Fine.” Seungyeon faced Tiffany and bowed. “Thank you for your help.” Tiffany shook her head, slightly embarrassed. “It’s okay. It’s nothing, really.” “Thank you,” Gyuri repeated. “Sorry if we got off on the wrong foot. It’s just how I am.” “I understand,” Tiffany replied. “I hope you have fun. The beach is pretty cool.” “Ah. So you’ve been there?” “Uh, yeah.” “I see. Well, we’ll try to make the most out of it. Thanks again for your help.” The two friends left for the platform after giving another bow. Tiffany watched them as they walked side by side, happily giggling.

“Well, we’ll try to make the most out of it…”

Gyuri’s last words stood a lot higher than Tiffany expected. Hearing them knocked her back and then pulled her up not too long after. Yes, it was an epiphany.

“What am I doing here?” she asked herself. She felt the urge to bang her head on the glass map. “I should be back there making the most out of the time I have left, too. With TaeTae.”

She forced herself to move toward a nearby bench.

Rush hour had passed and not too many people were gathered near the train tracks. The station was nearly empty, but the hustle and bustle could be clearly heard from all sides. The chattering, the message ringtones, the quick bashing of payphone buttons, the tapping of impatient people’s feet – she could hear them all loud and clear. It reminded her of the growling waves back at the beach, the

squeaking of their broken door, the soft shuffling of sand under her feet, the deafening throbbing of her anxious heart.

She sat down and settled her bags beside her.

Should I go home? Or go back?

Wherever she decided to go, people would be waiting for her. She knew that. What she deemed problematic, however, was what she would say if her father asked why she was back so soon or if her friends ask why she left and more importantly, if no one asks at all.

That last one would surely have pained her even more.

She opened her bag and reached inside. Her hand instantly came into contact with a soft edge. She pulled her wallet out and stared at it.

“If I go home, I’ll still have…”

She unzipped one of the pockets and found a set of bills. By how much space it occupied, she obviously had enough to go back to the beach and then back to the train station and then back twice more if she wanted to. And then there was another thing.

“I barely spent anything this week,” she muttered. She zipped the pocket back up and clutched her wallet tightly. Perhaps a desperate attempt to fill the spaces in between her fingers. All because of you, TaeTae. You dork.

A breeze passed right by her and she had to tuck her hair back behind her ears to maintain her vision. She witnessed the arrival of the bullet train. At the back of her mind, she was trying to imagine Seungyeon and Gyuri stepping inside after letting the other passengers alight on the platform. There was a burning insistence to stand up and rush toward them before the train doors close.

But she didn’t. She remained still, with her wallet in hand.

With a small click, the main compartment was revealed. And so were parts of memories left behind. She let her eyes settle on that deep dimple, the one that made Taeyeon’s smile appear somewhat brighter.

Or maybe it’s her eyes.

She traced the photograph with her index finger, the one that wasn’t grayish because of the glass map’s dirty surface. She remembered taking it with her phone one day. Which day and at what time she could no longer remember. What she could recall was kissing it once she arrived home and was within the confines of her room.

She laughed, tried to keep it as silent as possible. She admitted that it was silly of her to do such a thing, to follow the example of stereotypical drama characters that obsess over their crushes. And yet it felt okay.

She brought the photograph closer to her lips, leaving only half a thumb’s length in between. She closed her eyes and parted her lips, waiting for some kind of collision. Her hands were trembling. Then she sighed. She brought the photograph back down and placed it back inside her wallet’s main compartment. She stared at it one more time: Taeyeon’s hair and the way the short strands on top stuck out, her round eyes and the slightly curled eyelashes, her nose and its sloping bridge, her softer-than-soft cheeks colored snowy white, and that smile.

“I didn’t fall for this,” Tiffany whispered, as if talking to the photograph. “I didn’t fall in love with this girl.”

Another announcement flooded the station from the small speaker box. Tiffany looked up and listened: “The last trip will be delayed… The last trip will be delayed…”

She saw it as fate meddling with her life again. For once, she wanted a decision to work for her. After all, it wasn’t every day that she decided to make one. Only this time, it was a stupid one, one she would learn to regret.

‘Cause I’m still falling for her. That’s why.

She put her wallet back in her bag then crossed her legs. It had gotten somewhat cold and she was still in shorts because she no longer bothered to change before she left. Without anything to do – and she refused to move just yet – she fished for memories to try and convince herself.

“School fairs are fun! We should volunteer!” “Ehh! I don’t wanna!” “Come on, TaeTae! Take some responsibility for once!”

The dry, slightly moldy smell of wood, though imaginary, met her senses and out came the image of a younger her and an even smaller Taeyeon. It was afternoon and the bulletin boards surrounded them, a selection of forced decisions. She already had a pen in hand and she was itching to sign her name, though not until her smaller friend agreed.

“Can’t we just go to the playground instead?” “Kim Taeyeon! You’re such a kid!” “Of course I am! I’m in fourth grade!”

She had always been the type who tries her best and to some extent, the type who always tries to do something extra. She was often complimented for it. The only exception was a certain Kim Taeyeon, the only one who insisted that they relax and save a spot in the playground as if it were for survival. Nonetheless, she was not forced into anything. Kim Taeyeon would simply request, sometimes playfully beg, that she leave her work and come out to play after the bell rings.

And time and time again, she would always say yes. She knew that no one else held the power to squeeze that word out of her. She saw to it personally.

“Let’s volunteer even if it’s just for one stall, TaeTae. Please?” “But that means we have to do lots of math when we give people their change. Why would you want to go through that, Ti-ppany? Let’s just go out and play? ‘Kay?” “Nuh-uh. Doing math is okay.” “But you hate math.” “Ehh! Not as long as you teach me!” “I can teach you without the stall!” “Yah! TaeTae, please?”

The universal pink – at least for her, it was pink – smell of cotton candy was something she could easily conjure up. She would inhale and she would immediately smell it, like an electronic simulation, a result of another level of imagination.

“Omo! Don’t eat it without paying for it!” “Eh? But we own this stall, Fany-ah.” “Tsk. We won’t earn anything if you keep doing that.” “But it’s yummy. Here. Taste it.”

It melted on her tongue, the sensation something she held as familiar. It was the same for the rest of her meals afterwards. She had learned to open her mouth the moment something was held in front of her. In that way, she had grown dependent on her slightly smaller friend. In return, all she had to do was smile. It was a perfectly convenient set-up.

“Aw. Ti-ppany, why are you crying? Did someone bully you again?” “You-you’re the only—only one… who bu-bullies me, TaeTae.” “Huh? Me? But Yuri and Soo—” “But you’re the biggest bully of all!” “I… I’m sorry. I’ll buy you a whole pack of lollies next time! I promise, Fany-ah! Just don’t cry anymore.”

She had waited all day for an apology. She moped in between classes and she had thrown glares. Nothing seemed to work. It was only after the dismissal bell that signs of victory emerged. It was only after the dismissal bell that she heard the voice she wanted to hear, felt the delicate strokes she loved on her back, saw that pair of big, round eyes that made her stomach jump.

She had no clue back then. The younger they are, the more they believe that fun is sacred, they say. And for them, that was just it. It was fun. Going to school was fun. Having friends was fun. Sharing lollipops was fun.

“I have to do chores later. Is it okay if I don’t walk you home?” “Oh. Yeah… Sure.” “I’m really sorry. You know how my parents are. Plus, oppa is staying over at his friend’s house for a project so I don’t have anyone to share the work with.” “It’s okay. It’s not like you have to walk me home every day anyway. I’ll just ask Yuri to—” “She’s busy.” “Eh? How do you know?” “I just do.” “O-kay. Then maybe I’ll ask Jessica if—” “Never mind. Let’s go.” “Huh? But your chores—”

Her friends had gotten taller and so did she. Closets filled with clothes had been emptied and filled according to trends and of course to accommodate clothes fit for maturing bodies. They had celebrated countless birthdays, collected candles and reused them for each one. School fairs had been documented and re-watched on laptops. A graduation had passed them by. One thing remained constant:

that air of possessiveness from Kim Taeyeon that hung above her. Being the dependent one, she somehow adapted to it, up to the point where she herself took it as her own.

“Do you have an idea for your final project yet, TaeTae?” “Final—Ah! That. Yeah. Me and Sunny were thinking of—” “Sunny?” “Yeah. Just awhile ago she was telling me about this idea—” “Where is she?” “Sunny? Why?” “I’m gonna trade partners with her.” “That isn’t really—” “I want to make a replica of the Seoul tower. You can help me glue together the popsicle sticks.” “Popsicle sticks?” “Yeah. Let’s eat lots of ice cream to get a whole bunch!” “But can’t you just buy those at a store? Come on, Ti-ppany. Seriously.” “Wanna eat ice cream with me or not?”

It had gotten easier the longer she kept herself selfish. Back then, it wasn’t the kind of selfishness that people looked down on. It wasn’t the type of self-seeking attitude that robbed people of their desires. It was a mutual understanding she had with Kim Taeyeon, one that she knew both of them had silently committed themselves to. Though at times there would be short arguments that start with “but why do we have to…,” in the end, it would always be them. Together.

“Aigoo! You’re too cute. Say cheese!” “Yah! Can’t we just take a normal picture?” “Ehh! But those bunny ears look so good on you, TaeTae.” “Then take a picture of me just wearing them! Why do I still need to act all cute?” “Because I want to see how you do aegyo!” “You know I don’t have any of that.” “Yes you do! Now look at the camera and say ‘cheese~’”

On one of those ‘incomplete’ days as she called them, she passed by a novelty store on her way home. She was alone. It was something she told herself not to get used to but had to succumb to, because time was not always just for the two of them. She could not control everything. To make up for the unwilled absence of her ‘other half’ she bought her a simple treat. Though she wished they could have shopped together, spent more of their time together, there were still other important things in her

life. For one, she respected the fact that her parents exerted effort to pass the knowledge of a greater being down to her.

“Where did you say you were going again?” “Church. I haven’t gone in awhile so… yeah. Do you want to come with me?” “No thanks. I wouldn’t know what to do there anyway.” “It’s not too late to learn, you know? It’s always comforting to know that someone—Hey. You okay?” “Of course. Well, you better get going. I’ll just go back home for now.” “Walk me there.” “What?” “Walk me there. Just so you know where it is. Who knows? Maybe you’ll decide to come with me some time.”

They walked. And by ‘walk,’ they indeed meant taking their time with every step. They held hands. It wasn’t anything new. They had always found happiness and content with anything connected to holding hands: the awkward hesitation at first, the slow emergence of courage to let their pinkies intertwine, and that final encompassing of the rest of their fingers. Tiffany found herself running late when she recovered from the high of having one of their lively chats. The weeks after that were something to adjust to.

“Good morning!” “Morning, Ti-ppany.” “So what happened yesterday? How was the audition?” “I dunno. I’m not really up for things like that. I mean, singing? It’s not really—” “What are you talking about? You can sing really well!” “Have you actually heard me sing? ‘Cause—” “I have! It was sweet of you to sing me a lullaby, TaeTae.” “You mean you heard—Wait. During the field trip?!” “Yeah. You didn’t think I was really asleep, did you?”

She heard nothing in response that day. Taeyeon gave her a smile, took her hand and then led her out of the classroom. She asked again, got nothing in return, asked once more and then gave up. It was then that she questioned the ‘mutual understanding’ she thought they had. It somehow got damaged, dented by Taeyeon’s choice to remain silent. She, on the other hand, kept talking, kept expressing how much she enjoyed her friend’s company. She gradually developed the habit of being too close. The thought of failing to do so resulted to uneasiness. She told herself that she was just being protective of a

friend, that she was just scared of losing someone close to her, that being without Kim Taeyeon meant being torn apart from a family member. And she knew how painful that was.

“I’ll wait for you over there, okay?” “Where you parked your bike?” “Yeah. Take your time.” “Wait.” “What?” “Don’t leave me, Taeyeon-ah.” “But don’t you want to—” “No. I don’t want to be alone with her. Stay here so I can introduce you.” “Ti-ppany, I don’t know if—” “I bet she’d love to meet you. So stay awhile. You know, say hi or something. I’m sure it’ll make her happy.”

She stood by her mother’s grave, hands clasped together. She had not forgotten how to cry. She could not let a day pass without shedding a tear or two for the woman she lost, the last one she hoped to lose. She looked into Taeyeon’s eyes and felt her protective nature grow, one that only a mother would understand. Or so she thought. Kim Taeyeon was not her daughter and neither did she long to make that a reality. Kim Taeyeon was someone she wanted all to herself, whose loss she could not fathom, someone she had learned to appreciate in the absence of a loved one. In spite of the predicament, Kim Taeyeon was not a replacement, not a substitute for her deceased mother. Kim Taeyeon was an addition to her pile of blessings.

“Amen.” “Ti-ppany!! Oh. Sorry. I thought you were—Sorry, I better go.” “No. Don’t. Why are you so jumpy lately?” “No reason.” “Tell me.” “It’s nothing.” “Please?”

She had always been the talkative one, the more vocal one. It worried her that she might have been overshadowing Taeyeon’s replies. It was different from when they were younger, from when everything was fun. And she had no idea why.

“Taeyeon-ah?”

“Yeah?” “Thank you for the choco pie cake. It was really good~” “You’re welcome.” “Why do you look so sad, though?” “I’m not sad. I’m just tired, I guess. Don’t worry about me, Fany-ah! It’s still your birthday so you should enjoy.” “But I can’t if you’re like that. What happened to you anyway?” “Nothing.” “It’s always ‘nothing’ with you, huh? You don’t tell me anything anymore.”

She despised Taeyeon’s secrets. She loathed being left out. The rest of their friends had nothing worth anything to share with her, either. She questioned herself, that maybe something was wrong with her and that perhaps that ‘something’ was the reason why everyone was suddenly out of reach.

“Happy graduation guys!!” “I can’t believe middle school’s done. I mean… wow! I’m so excited! Aren’t you, TaeTae?” “Uh, me?” “Yeah!” “Well, I—“ “Let’s go guys. Sooyoung’s gonna treat us to ramen!” “Ah, okay. Let’s go, Ti-ppany.” “Oh no you don’t, Kim Taeyeon. You have that thing you wanna show Tiffany, right?” “Hyo… please don’t make me—” “Ooh! What is it, TaeTae? For me? Really?” “N-no. It’s just—”

She did not get ramen after their graduation ceremony and neither did she find out what Taeyeon wanted to show her. She wanted to ask but held herself back. She feared another “nothing” reply from her friends and from Taeyeon. The mere thought of the word tore her confidence apart.

“I pray that we’d all do great on the exam. We studied really hard so please let us remember everything we reviewed. Thank you for—” “Fany-ah! Oh. Uh, sorry. I’ll wait outside.”

She could not count how many times her prayers were interrupted whether inside the classroom after the dismissal bell or in her room before she goes downstairs to meet her friends in the living room. Nonetheless, she was not the type to bear grudges because she knew there was no need to. Her friends

might have been a bit distant and it pained her to admit it, but there was always someone she could lean on, someone other than Kim Taeyeon who seemed to have developed a habit of leaving her in the dark as well.

“You guys better talk it out or else we’ll dump you both in the Han River!!” “But Sunny-ah, I can’t see! Ouch! Wait! Don’t push!” “Ti-ppany, just walk slowly so you won’t—Yah! Soonkyu, stop pushing!” “Ehh! You guys are such slowpokes. Walk! Walk! Walk!” “Can’t breathe… TaeTae, you okay?” “A bit. These handcuffs are too small, though. Tsk. I’m gonna get you for this, Soonkyu.” “Yeah, yeah. Whatever, shorty. Now sit and talk. And you better come up with something good!”

Breathing was hard. She wanted to take the blindfold off with her free hand, but she knew they were being watched. Instead, she kept still and took in another dose of darkness. The only source of relief was having Taeyeon’s hand near hers, the two separated only by a clinking chain.

“So what now?” “I dunno. What are we supposed to do anyway?” “Sunny-ah said to reflect. Why do we need to talk about that arcade game, though? I just don’t see the point.” “Of course you don’t see the point, Ti-ppany. You’re blindfolded!” “Yah! Stop joking around.” “Okay, okay. Well, let’s get on with it anyway. These handcuffs are killing me.”

They talked. She had not experienced openness in such a long while that she felt guilty for lying to herself earlier that day when she told herself that she did not want to rush into Taeyeon’s arms the moment the in-game zombie ate her gun and slashed her to death. Prior to the intense gaming experience, she knew nothing about health gauges, ammo and M16’s. She had fun at least.

“What the heck, TaeTae? Grapes?!” “What? Button-bashing and pulling triggers are hard on the fingers! We should exercise them so we can beat Sunny!” “Yeah. But squishing grapes? Come on!” “Fine. If you don’t want the grapes then we have to practice with something harder. Oh! Computer keyboards!” “Computer key—” “No, no. Wait. Those buttons are too soft. We should get a typewriter!”

“None of us have that, you know?” “Then I’ll trade my computer for one!” “No! How are we supposed to instant message for homework if you don’t have a computer? Don’t do it, TaeTae!” “Darn. You’re right. We can’t sacrifice that. Okay. Something else then. Hmm… what about practicing at the arcade?” “How? We barely have enough time after school.” “We’ll sneak out. Wait for me outside your house.” “What the heck?”

She meant to say “Okay!” that time. And eventually, she did. It was the day she confirmed more than just their plan to go to the arcade. It was the day she became Taeyeon’s Cinderella, the day her jumping stomach did a triple back flip and caused her to melt with a smile the remaining hours spent blindfolded and handcuffed. It was the day she thought: “I love this silly dork.”

She probably meant half of the phrase then, maybe only the “silly dork” part. Now that their freshman year had passed, was long gone, and she had grown slightly taller again with a closet filled with newer clothes back at home, she had learned what the first part was meant to mean, what “I love…” could do to human reason, how much she needed to say it.

“What is taking that train so long?” she muttered.

CHAPTER 42 Her bags were at a corner. She had been staring at them for around half an hour, motionless. She did not pack much. The day before their trip was a hectic one, a nerve-racking moment like their upcoming graduation. Just thinking about what lied before her and her friends was as tiring as doing her chores and because of that she got a tad bit lazy to raid her closet for things to wear. Other than that, she believed she had everything she would ever need as long as that eye-smiling girl was attending.

“What are you doing now?” “Packing. I’m going home.” “Tsk. Taeng, don’t be stupid. She’ll come back. Just wait awhile.” “No.”

Jessica left the doorway and walked toward her stubborn friend. She squatted and poked Taeyeon’s forehead hard. “Listen to yourself. You’re talking without thinking again.”

Taeyeon did not reply. She got back to zipping all of her bags’ pockets. “So what’ll happen after you go home?” Taeyeon shrugged. “If we don’t find her, what are you going to tell her family? Huh?” “I dunno.” “Taeng! Snap out of it! You have to do something!” “Like what? That lifeguard already has a search party running around, right? Why not just leave the work to them? They’re a lot better at running around than me anyway.” “Give the self-pity act up! It’s not helping!”

Taeyeon took her bags and stood up. She knew how worried and enraged Jessica was, but there was nothing she could do. She did not know where to look, where to run, or who else to ask. She was supposed to be the leading expert on Hwang Miyoung and yet she stood clueless in front of the people who expected more from her. She had nothing else to give.

“Aren’t you going to call her family?” she asked as she looked over her shoulder. She was almost at the door. “Or the police?” “No. No one has the guts to call her family. Can you imagine what they’ll do to us if they found out? And at this time of night, too!” “Okay. I’ll stop by their house before I go home then. I’ll tell them.”

Taeyeon was about to reach for the doorknob when she suddenly lost her grip on her bags. Jessica had pulled her back by the arm.

With gritted teeth, Jessica tried to say: “Before anything else, you’re her friend. This is not about you’re unrequited love for her! Don’t you think about anything else, huh?! Do you seriously have nothing else inside that head of yours aside from worshipping her?! Get a life, Taeng! Or at least try to be a good friend now that she needs you the most!”

Again, there was no response.

“You wanna go home? Fine! Take the time to change your attitude on the train or something!”

Taeyeon picked her bags up after Jessica released her arm and then exited the room. As she expected, the rest of the lodge was in utter chaos. Everyone’s mobile phones were raised and the frantic, successive ringing was beginning to stress her out.

“What are you doing with those?!” She did not bother answering Sooyoung’s question and just proceeded toward the door. “Taeyeon! I’m talking to you!” “Sooyoungie, stop,” Sunny whispered, already restraining the tallest with both hands. “You’re just gonna walk away, huh?! Like a big, fat coward?!” Sooyoung continued. She had had enough of crying and running. She did not need another friend’s departure, either. “Unnie, please don’t go!” Yoona called out to Taeyeon. She was standing next to Sooyoung and Sunny. “Don’t even think of walking out that door, Taeyeon!” Sooyoung added. “Not now! Not yet!” Taeyeon turned around to face her friends. She dropped her bags and they landed near her feet. “Why?” “Why what?!” “Why shouldn’t I walk out the door?” “Because we have to find Tiffany! That’s why!” Taeyeon bent forward to claim her bags once again. “What the hell?! You can’t leave!”

Taeyeon carried both bags with one hand and opened the door with the other. She took two steps forward and then left the door to close by itself.

“Tsk. That stubborn midget,” Sooyoung muttered. She stared at her phone, squeezed it and then threw it on the couch. “Dammit!” “Sooyoungie, stop it. Relax for a bit,” Sunny advised. She was unusually pale. “How can I relax?! Two of our friends just left!” “If Taeng’s going home then you have nothing to worry about. And Fany couldn’t have gone far. You know how she stops to think, right? She’s probably doing that somewhere close by. Let’s just wait for a call. Siwon oppa, Hyo and Yuri are still out there. I’m sure they’ll find her.” “And what if they don’t?!” “Then we have to call the police.” “And have her family worry? No way!” “What do you really want to happen, huh?!” Sunny finally yelled back. She had been successfully keeping her cool in the midst of the commotion, but her patience also had its limits. “Do you want to find her or do you just want to escape the blame?!”

Sooyoung swallowed. She stared at Sunny’s swollen eyes and could not help but shed a tear herself. The heat escaped her eye-sockets and out came the transparent drops.

“Screaming won’t get us anywhere, understand?” Sooyoung nodded. “Good.” Sunny turned to Yoona. “I’m gonna go run after Taengoo. Stay here and stay alert in case of a call, okay?” “Yes, unnie. Uh…” “What is it?” “Please bring Taeyeon unnie back.” “I’ll try my best.”

Sunny left the ninth lodge and closed the door behind her. She was about to run when she had to come to a sudden halt. She stared at the bags on the lodge’s front steps and then at the girl who was hugging her knees.

“Hey,” she greeted in a mumble as she sat beside Taeyeon. “Hey,” Taeyeon replied. “Changed your mind?” Taeyeon shrugged. “You don’t need to do this, you know? You’ll just end up worrying everyone even more. What happened to the Kim Taeyeon I used to know? The happy shorty who hates mushy stuff and causing drama?” Taeyeon laughed. It was not forced this time. “Am I really like that?” “Yeah. You are. You should know that already.” “Right. I should, shouldn’t I?” Sunny leaned on Taeyeon’s shoulder and then let the side of her head meet Taeyeon’s ear. The evening was at its peak, ‘bedtime’ as Seohyun would call it, and the beach had transformed into the gloomiest of places. “You guys know me more than I do,” Taeyeon muttered. “You should know why I’m being like this.” “That’s stupid,” Sunny whispered back. “Is it?” “Yeah. We wouldn’t be worried about you if we knew what you were thinking. Duh.” “I guess you’re right.” “Hmm… you must be tired.” “A bit.” “Then why don’t we go back inside? Let’s take a nap while waiting for a call.” Taeyeon shook her head. “I won’t be able to catch the train if—”

“You don’t need to. Not tonight. If you want to go home then we’ll all go home together. And I mean with together with Fany.” “Sunny, I can’t—” “Yes you can. You’ve been waiting for ages. Why stop now?” “Because I’m tired of running after her. As a friend and… as something she doesn’t want to have.” Sunny straightened up and then stood up. “And that’s exactly why you should rest inside. Even if it’s just a quick power nap, you’ll feel better when you wake up. I’m sure of it!” Taeyeon kept her eyes on her bags and then up at her friend who was already offering a hand. “Okay. I’ll meet you inside,” she replied. “You mean it?” “Yes.” “All right. We’ll wait for you inside then.” The front door opened and in came Sunny while Taeyeon was left sitting with her bags, a frown almost decorating her face. “Did you find her, unnie?” Yoona immediately asked when Sunny came into view. “Yeah. She’ll be inside in a minute.” “You sure?” “Yes. Where’s Sooyoungie?” “With Hyunnie. I think they’re trying to call Siwon oppa and the others.” “I see.” Sunny seated herself on the couch and leaned back. Like everybody else, she was exhausted. “Why don’t you sit down?” she asked her dongsaeng. Yoona kept stealing glances at the door. “What if she suddenly left again, unnie? She’s taking too long.” “She said she’d meet us in here. I trust her.” The younger of the two rubbed her arm. She could not help but feel that the moment Sunny reentered the lodge Taeyeon had already ran off to some unknown location.

“I’m just gonna check why she’s taking so long then,” Yoona informed. “Okay. But don’t startle her. She’s still a bit loopy right now so she’s a bit hard to talk to.” Yoona nodded. With Sunny’s approval, she approached the front door and opened it. She almost screamed upon arriving at the scene. “Taeyeon unnie?” Taeyeon had already fixed her bags’ straps over her shoulders and was about to take her first step onto the sandy ground when she heard her name. She turned around slowly. “Yoong?” “You were about to leave, weren’t you?”

Taeyeon refused to answer. “Weren’t you?” Yoona repeated. Heeding Sunny’s advice, she tried to remain as calm as possible to avoid causing Taeyeon stress. “I just have to get away from all of this, you know?” Yoona shook her head. “You said you weren’t going to leave. Sunny unnie even said she trusts you. We trust you, unnie. Why are you keeping all of these secrets?” “Everyone does, Yoong.” “But I don’t get why!” Taeyeon approached her dongsaeng and despite what she was carrying, she pulled the latter into a hug. “People need space, too. Not everything can be shared.” “I don’t believe that, unnie,” Yoona replied, already nearing tears again. “That’s not the way it is for friends. We’re a happy family. We shouldn’t be doing these things to each other.” Taeyeon released her dongsaeng and then freed herself of the bags’ straps. She settled her things on the floor and sat down. She took the same position she had when Sunny found her. Yoona followed. She sat beside her Taeyeon unnie with worry written all over her face. “Unnie, I know we haven’t been the best example of friends and maybe we do deserve your anger—” “Yoong, stop. I’m not mad at you guys. I just think things have gotten out of hand and I can’t take it.” “Then let us help you, unnie. You don’t need to face this on your own because you have us.” “I dunno.” “You don’t trust us, do you?” “It’s not—” “You don’t, right?”

Taeyeon could not open her mouth while her dongsaeng’s eyes were firmly settled on hers. It was not like she did not want to trust. For some reason, she just forgot how to.

“I’m sorry if we’ve made it hard for you to trust, Taeyeon unnie. I guess I should’ve seen it sooner. Or maybe the others should have told me. I’m sorry.” “It’s not your fault, Yoong. It’s me. I’ve just become too caught up. I love you guys. I really do. I know you don’t hear me say it all the time, but I wouldn’t know what to do if I lost any one of you. And now that I have… I’m just plain scared.” “You didn’t lose anyone, unnie. Wherever Tiffany unnie is, I’m sure she’s thinking of you. Of all of us. And it’s just a feeling, but she’s probably out there thinking of coming back here as soon as possible. In the meantime, let’s just wait. Let’s trust in her, too.”

The difficulty of the task enveloped Taeyeon like a plague. It ate up her confidence and deprived her of a healthy mindset. All she could muster was a small smile.

“You know, unnie, the others have been working really hard to protect you.” “With their secrets, right?” “Right,” Yoona answered. She placed an arm around Taeyeon’s neck and revealed her big smile, her usual burst of happiness. “I don’t get why they do it, either, but I admire them for trying. They really care about you. It’s just that their methods are screwed up.” “What are you getting at?” “What I’m saying is that I can’t wait for the other unnies, and maybe Hyunnie, until they find the courage to tell you so I hope they can follow what I’m about to do right now.” “You kept secrets from me, too?” “As much as I didn’t want to, I did, unnie. But let’s clear everything out right now. Let’s have a secret-breaking ceremony!” Taeyeon giggled, exposing her dimple. “You’re such a silly kid.” “I’ve matured in some ways, though.” “Oh really?” “Yeah. Hmm… I’m not sure if I can do well in it, but I started a relationship so I’m willing to try my best. And I want you to know, unnie, that someday you’ll have to say that you want to start a relationship, too.” Taeyeon’s brows came together into a frown. “What are you talking about?” Yoona took her arm back to free her unnie’s neck and then smiled. Her pale features were outlined skillfully by the passing moon. “Seohyun’s my girlfriend now.”

Silence.

Yoona kept her smile. It was as constant as the pushing and pulling of the sea, as visible as the starry night sky. She waited for her unnie’s reaction. Anger, confusion, disappointment – she was ready for anything.

“I’m not the first to know, am I?” Taeyeon asked. Still, no expression could be read on her face. “You’re the second one, actually. Sorry, unnie. Next time, you’ll be the first. Or maybe I should just hold a meeting.” Taeyeon slowly shook her head, but a smile was forming on her lips. Then she faced her dongsaeng. “Be good to her, okay?” “Of course, unnie. I know the basics at least.” “Basics. Pfft.”

Silence. Again.

Yoona brought her hands together and then took a deep, deep breath. “I know this isn’t really the most ideal time to tell you that. I mean, it isn’t right for the mood. But I had to say it not only because I trust you, unnie. I knew I had to say it now because I want you to trust me back. No. I need you to trust me back. I want to say sorry for letting Tiffany unnie leave.” “Yoong, it’s not your fault.” “Yes. It is, unnie. I may not have been the reason for her wanting to leave, but I let her. It was all because of my own selfishness and a bit of lust maybe. It was my fault, unnie. I should’ve been watching the door after Sunny unnie warned us about the possibility of Tiffany unnie running away. I should’ve been more serious about it. And I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”

Taeyeon cupped her dongsaeng’s cheeks and smiled, her fingers trembling. She did not notice how wet her cheeks had become in the past three minutes that she was listening to Yoona talk. She inhaled to delay the fall of the fluids inside her nose. “Th-there’s nothing to—to forgive, Yoo-Yoong. Ddon’t blame your—yourself.” “I’m sorry, unnie.”

Taeyeon shook her head repeatedly. She opened her mouth, but no words escaped her. She felt dismantled, insignificant. Who’s Yoong to talk about being selfish? I’m worse than she is. At least she’s taking some kind of blame. And me? I’m shouting at waves, blaming invisible objects I don’t even believe in.

Yoona embraced her sobbing unnie. She held the latter tightly, standing as the protector like Yuri was declaring herself to be. She admired her unnies. She admired the one she had in her arms. There was a sense of relief on her part, but she was ready for the negatives: the anger, the confusion, the disappointment and the worst. Taeyeon showed her none of that. And for that simple yet overwhelmingly understanding gesture, she felt an even bigger need to return the favor, to show just how much friends believed friends were worth.

“Please stay, Taeyeon unnie,” she whispered. She hoped Taeyeon could hear despite her sniffling. “Th-thanks, Yoong.”

After one more moment of silence and nose-wiping, the two entered the ninth lodge. Yoona offered to carry Taeyeon’s bags and took the liberty to return them to Jessica’s room. Meanwhile, Taeyeon took a seat on the empty couch. Where everyone else was, she did not have a clue.

Not too long after she sat down, she reclined and eventually fixed herself into a sleeping position. The couch carried too many of her vacation memories: Sunmi’s unexpected arrival, evening talks with Tiffany, one of their hugs, seeing a furious Sunny, Tiffany’s lingering scent.

She let herself sink into it as if to absorb those memories to make them concrete in exchange for the couch’s inanimateness. It would have been a fair deal. She stretched, like it was the last time she would ever hear her bones crack. Then she felt something hard against her ankle. She quickly sat up.

“What the—”

It was the last thing she expected at a time like this, a time where everything was trying to piece itself back together. She eyed the thick spine, the big, bold letters.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier, Taeyeon unnie.”

She turned her attention from the small book to her taller dongsaeng. She nodded in response.

“Mind if I sit next to you?” Sooyoung asked. “No. Go ahead. Here.” Taeyeon patted the empty spot beside her. With her other hand, she took the book, which was wedged in a crack near the couch’s arm. “Tiffany unnie’s book?” Sooyoung asked as she eyed what Taeyeon was holding. “Yeah. She must have forgotten to take it.” “Maybe. I wonder if she’s looking for it right now.”

Taeyeon turned the book, examined it. She flipped through the first few pages and then hurriedly closed it, obviously dismissing its importance. She settled it on her lap. “I don’t understand how every page of this could be real,” she said. “I don’t understand how she’s able to believe in it.” Sooyoung leaned back, her eyes still on the small book. After a second thought, she reached out to grab it. Taeyeon did not seem to mind. “I’m sorry if I sound harsh,” Taeyeon mumbled. “But this thing is what’s keeping me apart from her. It might not even be real.”

Sooyoung was skimming through the middle pages while listening to Taeyeon talk. She did not know what she was looking for, but she was banking on the idea that Tiffany must have left a clue.

“I just don’t understand—”

“It’s not a matter of God being real, Taeyeon unnie,” Sooyoung quickly replied. “It’s about how much He means to Tiffany unnie. That’s what religion is, really. It’s about being comfortable with a way of life. Ask anyone who has a religion. Ask them if they chose a religion because their ‘god’ is real. I doubt that it’s the primary reason. They can’t even prove anything. The thing is that it’s just a matter of meaning, you know? Like dreams.”

“Dreams? What about them?”

Sooyoung sat up a bit to straighten her posture and then returned to a slouching position as she faced Taeyeon to make eye-contact, the book still in hand. “You know they aren’t real, right? But because you can describe a dream, because you’re able to give meaning to it – sometimes, it’s actually the one that gives you meaning – you give value to it. And you treasure it. You forget about asking whether or not it was real and you just take it as it is. ‘Oh it was a good dream’ or ‘Oh it was a nightmare.’ Either way, you let it become part of you. That’s what it means to have a religion. It’s about meaning.”

Taeyeon could not reply at once. She understood what her dongsaeng was trying to explain and she wanted to give meaning to it as well. But she did not want to force herself.

“I feel kinda guilty now.” “Why?” Sooyoung asked. “You should’ve seen me shouting like a maniac. Maybe then you wouldn’t be talking to me right now. If you saw me you might hate me for life.” “You blamed Him, didn’t you?” Taeyeon nodded. “I guess… by doing that I disrespected the people who are only happily living their lives the way they want to. Is it my fault? That I can’t believe? That I can’t go off worshipping a word?” “No, unnie. Believing is trusting, right? You have to put your entire self into it. And if you just see God as a word then that’s just it. It’ll be a tough road ahead if you already have your doubts. I guess it depends on who you’re asking. For me, for anyone who goes to church or anyone who has grown to know about it, God can’t be a word. He has no origin and no concrete meaning when you think about it. We just can’t label God. And the longer you know about Him, the need to try and explain Him disappears. It’s weird, actually. Then again, I don’t expect everyone to understand. Even I don’t understand it

sometimes. And I’m sure even Tiffany unnie gets confused. The thing is we just can’t escape the thoughts that are beyond our human capacity to explain. Whether you’re for something or against something, you can’t deny that you care about that something. That means that that ‘something’ is given life even when you say it isn’t real.”

“That means either way, I lose, right?” “Don’t think about it that way. You’re not losing anything.” “I lost her.” “Not to God. Believe me. If you lost Tiffany unnie, you lost her to herself.” “What do you mean?” "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear... “

Sooyoung paused to fix the page she read the passage off of, placed the bookmark back in place and then closed the small book.

“She left because she loves you. So when you think about it, you’re hurting because she loves you that much. She loves you enough to distance herself to try and find what’s best for you. She’s trying to find the courage. I dunno if she knows it, but she’s fighting for you, Taeyeon unnie. So why not give her a chance? Just wait for her.”

There were no solid ideas coursing through Taeyeon’s mind. It was as if she had experienced the kind of information overload in her past history classes: the dates were jumbled, the names sounded the same, and the places appeared to be spelled backwards.

“You’re calling me and Fany ‘unnies’ again.” That was all she could say. It was silly. “Yeah, well…” Sooyoung replied nonetheless. “I just realized how much of a dongsaeng I still am. I don’t know a lot of things and seeing you guys go through them makes me feel so helpless and small. I wanna say sorry at least. If I was too disrespectful, I mean.”

Taeyeon turned to her side and embraced another one of her dongsaengs, the one whose warmth she had always failed to feel because she believed she could not reach it. Now that they were both seated and the height difference was not an issue, she could finally express how much she wanted to say: “Thank you.”

CHAPTER 43

The last train had arrived. The interior was cold. The air-conditioner could freely spew out as much air as it wanted to without the inconvenience of having too many passengers occupying the space it was supposed to cool.

The seats were mostly empty. Aside from the one in front, the one that belonged to the operator, the first two rows had four passengers on each side. The first four were huddled together, shoulder-toshoulder while the other four were evenly distanced as if they had measured in advance. Silence hung above the lot.

The windows were moist. The night scene was barely visible except for the dots of lights seemingly taped on buildings and signs. Some flickered. The stillness of the night was evident. And if the train were to remain in motion long enough it would have probably peeled off the black backdrop to make way for morning. It was taking too long.

The train tracks rattled. They had remained uncleaned. After all, day in and day out they were put to the test, rolled on by steel and gashed by the fast winds that formed under the countless bullet trains taking their routes. Each bolt had rusted, darkened beyond recognition, left to be categorized as junk.

The last announcement had passed. The speaker box was turned off and it left something like a small buzz. The platform was deserted and the crowd of passengers had finally dispersed. Only the glass map showed signs of life, seemingly winking by how the light bounced on and off of it.

Everything was almost a blur. Even her reason for leaving was a case waiting to be cracked. After she went through the trouble of unlocking her father’s idea of safety – the double-lock that kept Taeyeon away – she found that their front door was open. She took a peek inside and found a familiar figure, hunched with cheeks reddened as if slapped, pushing their couch toward the spot where she was standing.

It was her beloved father. He was obviously straining himself.

She asked herself how her father could have come across the idea of cleaning in the middle of the night. Did something happen? Are we moving? Then she noticed the orange streaks that reflected on the lenses of her father’s reading glasses. It was from that dull sunrise behind her. Oh right. It’s morning already.

When she arrived at ‘the train station near home’ as she mentioned, she was greeted by another glass map. It was the original, the one with the yellow dot that she knew, the one that she and Taeyeon traced because of a game. It was for the sake of Taeyeon’s childishness, of both of theirs maybe.

She took her time looking at it, like another flashback had dawned on her and forced her to remain still while staring blankly. Similar to those dramas. But she was not in one. Beyond the numbers she could remember how to count, she had been expecting Taeyeon to run after her. She had been expecting Taeyeon to apologize at the top of her lungs from the other side of the platform while the last train passed them both by. She had been expecting Taeyeon to rid her of her fear by saying her name, by hugging her, by holding her hand, by doing anything. But none of those happened.

She got back to the map. And though the shared moment was short…

“Where do we get off anyway?” “I have no idea.” “Then what are we doing here?” “I don’t know. I just thought it would be easy to figure out. I guess I was wrong.” “Silly dork.” “What did you say?!” “Hey, why don’t you start from this dot? And then I’ll start from this blue dot. Let’s see who gets to the yellow dot first!” “Are there any pink dots here?” “You’re such a kid! Always looking for your favorite color in everything! I’m actually surprised that you aren’t wearing pink today!” “Me? What about you and tracing lines?! You’re the kiddie one here and you even look like it! And I’m wearing white today because I was…” “Was what?” “Nothing.” “You’re saving all of your pink shirts for the rest of our week at the beach, aren’t you?” “Yah! Let’s just get this game over with, you silly kid!” “I’m gonna get there before you!” “Nuh-uh!” “Yeah!! Getting closer!” “No way! Me first!” “Nooooo!!” “Yaaaah!”

… It was the number of times she replayed it that ate up the remainder of the evening. Before she knew it, she was already asked to leave the station and then she was out on the streets with her bags and her fleeting sense of self.

She ran away.

After all that questioning and reasoning with her ‘God,’ she still chose to escape. From what, she did not exactly know. From the monotonous atmosphere of the beach? From its illusion-inducing effects? From the strangers they befriended? From Sunmi? From her friends? From the uneasiness that had formed among them? From Kim Taeyeon?

It was all part of the case left uncracked, she guessed. And she ran away to find answers about why she was running away. She was going in circles.

Once out of the train station, she decided to walk while trying to be discreet. After all, who would fail to notice a teenage girl in a pink shirt, short shorts and flip-flops? She was practically a living, breathing, walking sin waiting to happen: a cause of temptation.

The city was almost asleep. Or it had just woken up. She was not sure. While walking, she proceeded to letting her other shoulder suffer from the weight of her bags in order to prevent further straining the other. Luckily for her, she was able to rest both by taking advantage of the city’s insomnia. She entered a 24-hour convenience store and sat down for a cup of coffee.

She liked caffeine. Though high school students did not generally see it as part of the growing trends, she liked the fact that it kept her alert. This time, however, it merely made her unnecessarily hyper. It was caffeine’s inconvenient side-effect and it might have been the reason behind the city’s insomnia as well. If it indeed was then it was reason enough to love her cup of coffee even more.

The stack of bills inside one of her wallet’s compartments was relatively less thick compared to when she examined it earlier while sitting on the bench. While she was adding cream to her cup someone else’s wallet somewhere could have been sharing the same predicament. And on went the Earth on its axis. Next thing she knew, the sun was up.

“Dad?”

The figure looked up. A drop of sweat fell from his forehead down to the side of his nose. “Ah. Honey. Good morning,” he said as he straightened himself up. “Back so soon? It hasn’t been a week yet, has it?” Tiffany stepped inside and closed the door behind her. She shook her head. “No. Not yet. What are you doing?” “Ah. This.” Mr. Hwang stared down at their couch. “Well, I was thinking of replacing it later this afternoon so I’m throwing it away.”

Tiffany let the straps slip from her shoulders. Her bags fell to the floor with a small thud. Then she approached her father and their soon-to-be-disposed-of couch. “I love this couch, though,” she muttered as she dug into the arm with both sets of fingers.

“But the springs are worn-out. You can feel them sticking out when you lie down. It hurts.” “Or maybe that’s just your back, dad.” Tiffany ended with a small giggle. Mr. Hwang replied with a smile and then he took his glasses off to wipe his sweaty cheeks. He sighed. “Ah yes. I’m getting old.” “Nah. You’re right, dad.” Tiffany stopped squeezing the couch’s arm and gave it a small pat. “Couches aren’t always comfy. Except that one we had at the beach. Now that was a good couch.” Mr. Hwang put his glasses back on. “I see. Oh yeah. Why are you back here already? And in those clothes!” Tiffany bit her lower lip and gave a deep bow. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” “Never mind. As long as you were with your friends, I guess it isn’t a problem. Sorry if I shouted. I really am getting old. Tsk tsk.” Tiffany returned to her upright position and gave her father an extra bright smile. She knew it would do the trick. “Ah. That! Now there’s something I missed seeing. Come here.”

Tiffany rushed into her father’s arms and buried her face in his chest. Never did it cross her mind that running away would lead her to the man before her. On the contrary, she had always been running away from him and because of his ‘disapproval’ of Taeyeon, she was almost always compelled to hate him.

“Have you eaten breakfast?” Mr. Hwang asked while he stroked his youngest daughter’s back. Tiffany shook her head in response. She was afraid that opening her mouth would reveal her cracking voice because she was nearing tears. “Wanna wake your unnie and oppa up so we can eat? Or should we be greedy today and I’ll make you my prize-winning pancakes while we talk about what’s bothering you?”

Tiffany breathed out as she snuggled closer to her father, still without a word. “Pancakes it is then,” Mr. Hwang concluded. He patted his youngest’s back and then released her. He raised a finger. “One more smile for daddy, too.” Without a reason to deny, Tiffany did as she was told. Her pearly whites shone as bright as those almost always lively eyes. She swore she saw tears in the corners of her father’s eyes. “Well, you better rest up while I go cook. The trip must have been tiring, right?” “It was okay,” Tiffany replied, set on sparing her father the details about roaming the city past midnight and spending early morning in a convenience store. “Can I watch you cook instead, dad?” Mr. Hwang released a hearty laugh. “It’s not really cooking, honey. I mean, it’s an instant mix thing… but if you insist then why not? Let’s go then.”

Father and daughter proceeded to the kitchen. The latter felt as though she had been away for ages. Someone ought to have congratulated her for getting her sense of time back because lately she had only been revolving around herself.

“Did you have fun at the beach?” Mr. Hwang asked while he surveyed their cupboard for the pancake mix. Tiffany was sitting on the kitchen counter. “Yeah. It was really fun,” she replied. “A little hot, but the experience was pretty cool.” “Did you go swimming?” “Hmm… not really. More like just wading.” “What about food? Were there a lot of stalls there?” “Yes. Of course. We even met our seniors there. They said they were trying to raise money and stuff. They even had a bet, I think. Ah. Speaking of seniors, Siwon oppa was there, too.” Mr. Hwang had just opened the pancake mix. He had the pan in the other hand. “Siwon? Choi Siwon?” “Yup.” “What’s he doing there? He didn’t follow you, did he?” Tiffany hurriedly shook her head. “Dad! No way! He’s working as a lifeguard. I didn’t get to ask a lot about it, but he seems to be having fun. We just ran into each other a few times.” Mr. Hwang stared steadily at his daughter. The lenses of his glasses could have melted from how heated his eyes appeared. “Dad,” Tiffany sweetly addressed her father, “it’s not like that. He’s a good family friend, right? Come on.” Without a reply, Mr. Hwang turned around and turned their stove on. He settled the pan on it and got ready to make his ‘prize-winning’ pancakes. “I’ll always be your little girl, daddy,” Tiffany added.

“I know,” Mr. Hwang replied while adjusting the flame. “Then you have nothing to worry about. Okay?” “Fine. As long as those boys keep their hands to themselves. Family friend or not.” Tiffany giggled. “You’re such a dad!” Mr. Hwang looked over his shoulder and smirked, an air of pride in his gesture. “Of course I am! A good one, right?” “Right!” “Hey, hey. Is that sarcasm I sense?” Tiffany released another giggle. “You better watch what you’re doing instead, dad. You might burn yourself.” Mr. Hwang indeed turned his attention back to the stove and the pancake mix he was about to pour. “So the thing that’s bothering you… it’s not about boys, is it?” Well, it’s about a girl. Does that make it okay? Tiffany replied in her thoughts. “No, daddy. It’s nothing like that,” she said. “About friends then?” “Hmm…” “I hit the bull’s eye, didn’t I?” “Ehh! Dad!” “If it’s about your friends then I’m guessing…” Mr. Hwang paused as he stirred the mix. “Ah. That Taeyeon kid!” “Don’t call her that, dad,” Tiffany requested or, by how her tone sounded so condescending, ordered. “Bull’s eye number two?” Mr. Hwang playfully teased. He stole a glance at his daughter’s expression and then got back to his ‘cooking.’ “You’re not still mad at her, are you? It was such a long time ago, dad. And she didn’t mean to do anything bad, either.” “I’m not mad at her.” “Then why do you talk about her that way? Like she’s some kind of criminal or something.” “I just think she might be a bad influence. That’s all.” “Well, she’s not!” “If she’s not then prove it. What kind of trouble has she gotten you into now? If you’re moping then it has something to do with her, right? As usual.” “What if it is about her? Will you still listen?” “Of course! What did she do now? Did she steal something again?!”

Tiffany left the kitchen counter and hurriedly approached her father. She looked him straight in the eye and replied: “First of all, she’s not some kleptomaniac, dad. And second, the only things she’s

ever stolen from me were my lollipops. That was in the fourth grade. It doesn’t really matter right now. So if you’re asking why I’m always moping—Wait. I don’t even know how you know that… Whatever. It’s true anyway—”

The flames vanished with one turn of a knob, cutting Tiffany’s reply. Mr. Hwang took the pan, scraped the pancake servings off of its face and placed them on a plate.

“I know because she’s been walking you to our front door ever since I can remember and whenever she doesn’t I don’t see that smile of yours. Simple,” he told his daughter. He took his glasses off again and then rubbed his eyes. His cheeks appeared reddish again. “Tsk. I often forget how you’re just like your mom.” “Daddy, don’t—”

Tiffany could not finish. She placed a hand on her father’s shoulder and rubbed it to be comforting. The tears she swore she saw in the corners of her father’s eyes were now travelling down his reddened cheeks, like small waves landing on the shore.

“Dad… Come on. Cheer up.”

Mr. Hwang gave a faint smile. He was not sobbing uncontrollably and neither was he entirely expressionless. He raised his arm and pinched his daughter’s cheek. “Sorry. That was uncool, wasn’t it?” he said, his cheeks still wet. Tiffany stopped rubbing her father’s shoulder and then wiped the tiny drops with her thumb. “You sound so weird when you talk like that. It’s creepy, dad.” “Oh. Is it?” “Yes!” “Ah well. You always do make me cry.” “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful just now. It’s just that I can’t stand it when you about TaeTae like that. She’s a good person, you know? And she would never…” Mr. Hwang retracted his arm, freeing his daughter’s soft cheek. “Never what?” Tiffany blinked and then swallowed. “Hurt me. She would never hurt me,” she managed to say. “Then what is it that she does that saddens you, honey? If she isn’t bullying you or hurting you then what is it?” “Uhm… Do you mind if we eat first, dad? Your prize-winning pancakes must be getting cold.” Mr. Hwang’s eyes brightened. “You’re right. What was I thinking? Here. Let’s eat.”

The dining table was set for two. In addition to the plate of pancakes, two hardboiled eggs and a pitcher of orange juice made up the menu. She could no longer doubt it. Arriving at her own home did not feel any different from arriving at the ninth lodge. There was that hint of excitement and worry that tickled her. And if that was not enough to get her brain working, her own father seemed to bear a likeness to Kim Taeyeon or at least, his actions did.

He asks me to smile. He cooks for me. He says the weirdest things. So random.

No. She was not falling for her father the way she was still engaging gravity to reach the girl she left behind. It was not like that all. What struck her was how much of a coincidence it was. It pained her to think that she might have run away from Kim Taeyeon for the same reasons she had been running away from her father. It pained her to admit that maybe she ran away from her TaeTae because of Taeyeon’s ‘disapproval’ of her Father, the higher being.

Again, round and round in circles.

“How are they? Good?” “Yeah. Yummy as usual, daddy.” “That’s good to hear. Hey, do you think I should still throw that couch away?” Tiffany was chewing. She replied after swallowing. “If it’s not comfy anymore then maybe we should. I’ll help you push it later.” “It has sentimental value, though.” “Really? Wait. This isn’t about you watching Korea win the World Cup while sitting on it, is it?” Mr. Hwang chuckled. The wrinkles under his eyes were like cute dimples. “No. It’s not that. Haven’t I told you the story yet? The one about the surprise proposal?” “The what? No. I don’t think I’ve heard that one.” “Ah. Must’ve been your unnie then. Anyway, that couch has actually been with me for years. I practically grew up with it.” “So that’s why the springs are worn out.” “Well, yeah. It’s old. But I think it’s been that way since my college days. My dorm buddies and I bought it at a second-hand store, after all.” “Wow. It must be ancient! Maybe we should put it in a museum.” “Harhar. That’s pretty funny, Miyoung.” “Dad, don’t call me that!” “Why? We named you that, too, you know?” “Well… yeah. Oh fine. Just get on with the story then.”

“All right. Well, I wasn’t really a good student back then and I drifted off to sleep most of the time. I used that couch more than my own bed. Your mom hated that about me.”

“I bet,” Tiffany replied with a smile. Then she took a sip of her juice.

“And that’s why she always comes over to check if I’m studying. It was okay at first. I mean, I got to spend more time with her. Besides, I was the only one in our dorm who had a girlfriend that time. Imagine how jealous my friends were.” Mr. Hwang’s eyes grew brighter as he talked. He seemed to be enjoying going down memory lane. “Then finals came. Your mom and I had been dating for at least two years then and we were never apart except for that one long month. Because she had her own subjects to review for and her own friends to have group studies with, she didn’t come over as much anymore. It was hard for me. I really couldn’t study.”

“It’s so hard to imagine that, daddy. You couldn’t possibly have been a slacker.”

“But I was. I really was. And I was reckless. Believe it or not, instead of studying I applied for every job available at campus just to save up for your mother’s ring—”

“Her engagement ring?!” Tiffany almost choked on her pancake. “While you were still in college?!”

“Well, graduation was right around the corner that time and I couldn’t help it. I didn’t know what I was thinking. I thought that maybe we would both be able to get jobs as soon as we got out of school and then it would be smooth sailing from there. It was stupid, I know, but it was all I could think about. The days passed and she didn’t come over to watch me study so I often fell asleep on the couch again. I don’t know why my friends didn’t even bother to wake me up. I guess I’ll forever be thankful that they didn’t.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Well, I often dreamed of the perfect proposal, you know? I had the ring. All that was left was how I would ask her. So in dreamland, I came up with the most romantic things. Fountains, roses, pianos, and all that stuff. But I couldn’t find a way to make it happen. For one, I was already broke. Despite that one obstacle, I still happened to score and I don’t know if you’ll believe it when you hear it. The thing is… the night before the final exam your mom came over to check up on me. I didn’t know she was coming because she didn’t call so I read a few books, took notes and then fell asleep on the couch. She must’ve been furious when she saw me. But then again, the only thing that came out of her mouth was ‘I do.’”

“Eh? I don’t get it.”

Mr. Hwang laughed. He took a breath and smiled at his daughter. “For some bizarre reason I was able to propose to your mom while I was asleep. And she said yes.” “Oh come on, dad! Mom’s not that random.” “I knew you wouldn’t believe me. But it’s true! I don’t know how or why I said it, but I got her to marry me. Just like that. So technically, during the final exam I couldn’t write that well.” “But you still passed?” “Yes. Does that sound impossible, too?” “Meh. Not really. You’re smart, dad.” “That’s my girl. Hmm… So do you think I should still get rid of it?” “It’s obviously a big part of your life, dad. Of yours and mom’s, I mean. Let’s just buy a new couch and then put the special one in another room.” “What about in your room? Would that be okay?” Tiffany nodded. “Sure. I’d like that.” “Good. That’s settled then. Man, I can’t believe I even thought of throwing it away.” Tiffany smiled and then she got back to her meal. There was still half a pancake left. “Now that we’ve talked about what’s been bothering me,” Mr. Hwang pointed to himself, “what about you? What’s been going on in that head of yours?” Tiffany took her time with slicing her pancake into little pieces. She did not know what else to reply with. “Dad, have you ever thought that maybe God let you have that chance to propose?” “Of course. Why?” Tiffany stared at the piece she caught with her fork and then back at her father. “Do we really owe Him everything? I mean, do we really have to make it up to Him by following all the rules?”

Mr. Hwang leaned back on his chair. “Yeah. We do owe Him. But that doesn’t mean we’re being forced into it or something. It’s not even supposed to feel like we have to make up for anything. It’s just supposed to be love. It’s so hard to explain, but it’s that kind of feeling that makes you forget you’re doing something. Does that make sense? It’s like you’re just breathing and living. It’s natural, I guess. Something like that.” “I see.” “Have you been doubting? Is that what’s really bothering you?” Tiffany nodded. “It’s normal, honey. Don’t stress yourself out about it. He’s not out to punish you for everything you do. He loves you. The complicated thing is that we were given the choice to love Him back. If we don’t then there are still consequences. If we do then that’s eternal happiness. It’s another level of pressure, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. I wish we didn’t have to go through it. I mean, other people don’t have to so does that mean we can just stop, too?” “Well, you know what they say, right? Once you know it, you can’t ‘un-know’ it. Pretending to be ignorant won’t rid you of your responsibilities.” “But I didn’t ask for them, dad. It’s unfair.” “If you put it that way then I guess we’re to blame. Your mom and I are the ones who decided that our children would be part of God’s family, too. I never thought it would result to any regrets. I’m sorry, honey. It’s true that we, as parents, forced you into something you had no idea about, but our intentions were out of love. We just wanted our children to have some sense of belongingness and growing in the faith instilled in us some kind of duty to spread His Word. Now that you’re old enough to think for yourself, that might not be a good-enough explanation anymore. Even though that might be true, I hope you can still stay true to your faith. It might get rocky at times, but I believe it’s worth it. No one’s forcing you into anything. Always remember that. Take the time to reflect for awhile. Do a bit of reading or just talk to Him. Whatever you decide to do, please promise to tell me.”

Tiffany nodded. She did not mean to blame her father and neither did she intend to make him feel that he had made a mistake. She was only seeking answers and now that she had them, a sense of freedom rose within her.

“Dad, I think I’m going to head back.” “Back where?” “To the beach. To my friends. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I came here on my own. I didn’t tell them anything before I left, either. I bet I caused them a lot of trouble so I’m going to head back to apologize.”

Mr. Hwang left his seat and approached his daughter’s. He looked into her eyes and cupped her cheeks. There was an awfully familiar aura that he could almost touch – it was something warm and cozy, something shared with his wife maybe – and yet it was so far away. “Be careful, okay?” he muttered.

Tiffany stood up and pressed her father’s hands harder on her cheeks. “I will. I’m just gonna take a shower and then head out. Okay?”

“All right. Wake your unnie and your oppa up first, though. At least tell them you’re leaving again.” “Okay. You better make them another batch of your pancakes, too.” “Nuh-uh-uh. You forgot ‘prize-winning.’” “Whatever, dad. You’re such a dork.”

CHAPTER 44 She surprised herself when she managed to sleep with dry eyes and a clear throat.

There were a few calls. But there was no Tiffany.

As difficult as it was to submit to the ruling of reality, she had to get up and face it. She had been stuck dreaming for too long. Even with her eyes open she was still succumbing to the illusion that she was the victim and that she could switch to playing the hero anytime she found it convenient. She was kidding herself, playing with her own feelings, blaming the heavens she did not believe in from time to time. Back and forth she went. One step forward and two steps back. There was no progress, no growth.

“Ready to go?” “Yeah. Sorry we had to tear you apart from Nicole and her friends, Hyo. You can stay if you want.” “Nah. She under—I mean, they understand. They only rented a lodge for last night so they’re probably on their way home right now, too. Besides, I was the one who said we’d do anything to get Tiffany back, right? So let’s go home for now to get some help. We can all take the blame. When her family asks, we’ll be standing there in defense.” “Who’s gonna call the police, though?” “I think it’s better if we stop by instead of calling. At least it’ll be easier to explain the situation.” “They’ll hear us out, right? I mean, they wouldn’t throw us in jail the minute we say a friend went missing, right?” “Sica, don’t worry. If they do that, we still have the right to lawyers.” “Ehh! Don’t scare me like that!” “You’re the one who brought it up.”

In addition, Hyoyeon let out a small giggle to lighten up the mood. Having known Jessica since their playground days, she knew how much her friend worried on the inside. Now that there was a sign of release and openness, she seized the opportunity to be understanding and extra sensitive.

“Is Taeng awake already?” “I think so,” Jessica replied. “Then where is she?” “I think she went out to say goodbye to Sunmi.” “Ah. They’ve grown attached, huh?” “Maybe it’s a good thing and she just doesn’t know it.”

“Well, now she’s gonna have to face another serving of pain. Saying goodbye isn’t always the easiest thing especially when it’s so sudden. There’s nothing good about that, Sica.” Without a reply, Jessica left her bed and approached the corner near the door to get her things. She still could not fully grasp what had happened. It all went by so fast. She had no memories of seeing Yuri return the night before, either. The only person who kept her strong left her again. “At least they’re actually saying ‘goodbye,’” she finally replied. “It hurts more when they just leave, you know?” “You have a point there.” Hyoyeon was already by the door, waiting for Jessica to ask her to help with the bags. She sighed. “What was Tiffany thinking?” “She probably wasn’t. But that doesn’t matter. I just hope she’s okay.” “Yeah. Me, too. Need help with that?” Jessica nodded.

The two friends exited the room. They left it as they found it: sheets folded, pillows fluffed, flooring cleaned, windows closed. The only difference was the functioning air-conditioner. Just as they were passing through the hallway that led to the living room, they decided to stop to sneak a peek at what was going on inside the room across from the one they left.

They exchanged glances.

“So what’s happening to them?” Jessica asked in a whisper. Hyoyeon shifted her weight as well as that of Jessica’s bags on her left foot to fix her stance. She replied: “I dunno. They’ve been quiet all night. Sooyoung even decided to sleep on the floor instead of using the bed with me and Sunny. Do you think they’re… you know… having that kind of issue?” “Could be. It must’ve triggered some feelings or something. It was a kiss after all. They must feel awkward.” Hyoyeon tried to hide a snicker. “It sounds like you’ve had your share of awkward moments.” Jessica raised an eyebrow. “Have you?” “Meh. Come on. We’re technically eavesdropping. We better leave before we hear something we’re not supposed to hear.” “Fine.” They proceeded to the living room and found their dongsaengs standing by the door. Their bags, however, were by the couch. They seemed to be talking. It was difficult to tell with how they blocked each other from view. “Yoong, where’s Yuri-ah?” Jessica called out was she approached. Yoona quickly turned her head. “She went with Taeyeon unnie.” “They said they won’t take long,” Seohyun added.

Jessica nodded. “Ah.”

It was all she could reply with. She did not expect less from her protective girlfriend.

Hyoyeon relieved her shoulders of Jessica’s bags and plopped herself down on the couch. The sunlight from outside crept into the room via the window slightly above the couch’s headrest. She could feel the heat on the back of her head but did not mind it. She looked forward, like she always does, and realized just how many days she and friends had spent on an unnatural plane of stillness. From her point of view, they were having fun, the time of their lives. It took one tiny, unnoticed motion to break it.

Like her friends, she panicked the night before. She did not know what to do. The sudden shift from her reminiscent self with Nicole toward the self she knew she lost when Tiffany left was inexplicable. With all of the things that surrounded her, she failed to hold on to a friend. She did not know if Tiffany had blocked her off or if she purposely rendered herself absent just so she could breathe. At the time, what mattered was making up for whatever it was that she contributed to Tiffany’s hidden pain. Thus, she came up with the idea of standing as one to find their lost sheep.

There was nothing ahead this time. All she could see was the kitchen entrance. It was not even their kitchen entrance anymore. It was depressing. She changed to a kneeling position on the couch and turned around to look outside the window. In a sense, there was nothing there, either. The light blinded her.

Then again, beyond all of that orange and ultraviolet rays undetectable by the human eye were the remnants of their vacation. That is if it was still worthy of being called a vacation. After all, any one of them could testify that they had never felt more pressure and stress compared to their five days at ‘paradise.’

Especially Kim Taeyeon.

“She’s still asleep, though,” Sunye informed her friends at the door. Like her, they looked exhausted. Obviously because of the search. Yuri turned to Taeyeon. “What do you want to do now?” Taeyeon shrugged. “I don’t think I can leave without talking to her.” “Do you want to wake her?” Sunye asked. “Can I?”

Sunye was hesitant, but she nodded in response. She recalled her dongsaeng dismissing everything in connection to Taeyeon, how long she asked about the reason behind it and how she was rejected as well.

Nevertheless, she opened the door and welcomed their guests.

“She’s in Sohee’s room.” “Thanks,” Taeyeon replied.

Sunye and Yuri remained in the living room.

“Do you want something to eat, Yuri?” “No, thanks. I don’t have much of an appetite.” Sunye seated herself on the couch and then patted the spot next to her. “Me, too. Sit down.” Yuri followed. Her calves were still aching and she felt twice the pain when she bent her legs to sit. “I’m sorry if we weren’t much help,” Sunye muttered. “Please don’t apologize,” Yuri replied. “We’re actually the ones who should be saying sorry. She’s our close friend so we’re responsible for her. I didn’t mean to get everyone else caught up in looking for her last night. It was just… too sudden. And I couldn’t handle it by myself. If I had asked for help earlier then maybe we could’ve caught up with her. I admit that it was my own pride that caused this. So please don’t feel that you have to say sorry.” “You don’t have to feel that it’s your fault, either, Yuri.” Yuri tried to flash a smile. “Thanks, Sunye,” she replied. Then she leaned back. “How’s Sunmi?” “I don’t know. She won’t talk to me.” “What happened?” Sunye shrugged. “She said it’s all her fault. But whenever I ask her why, she just ends up crying. The others tried talking to her, too.” “And?” “Nothing. It’s so unlike her to keep things to herself. I know that maybe she’s trying to stay strong, but she’s the kind of person you want to protect, you know? Like a puppy you want to save from the rain. I dunno. Something like that.”

Yuri cleared her throat. She knew she had people to protect, too. Too many that she had forgotten who to stand by.

“Are you guys gonna go to the police?” Sunye asked.

“Yeah. We don’t really have a choice. We’re leaving, actually.” “Leaving? You mean cutting you’re vacation short?” Yuri nodded. “Oh. Well… I guess that makes sense. I bet no one’s in the mood to be happy right now, right?” “Yeah. Tiffany took that with her, too.” “I understand. She must mean a lot to you guys.” Yuri sighed. “But we haven’t been showing her that. You know, I’ve been thinking.” “And?” “I think I might hate myself starting today—” “Yuri, don’t say that. None of this is your—” “I know it isn’t entirely my fault. It’s just that I feel so drained. I love my friends. I really do. And I try my best to protect them. Or at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. But now… all of that doesn’t make sense anymore. Do you get what I mean? It’s like I’ve been a living a lie.”

Sunye scooted over closer to Yuri and patted her back. She could not relate and neither did she know exactly how grave the matter was. If she could not reach her own close dongsaeng then she thought herself to be more incapable of comprehending friends she had just made.

“I don’t know what to say, Yuri. I don’t want to say that everything’s going to be okay because it obviously isn’t going that way right now. But it doesn’t mean that it’s going to stay that way forever. You’re not the only one who’s confused and hurt. I’m sure the others are, too. Maybe if you guys can find that longing to stand by each other then it wouldn’t feel so bad. Just share, you know? I admire the fact that you’re taking responsibility for your friends. It isn’t the easiest thing to do. The thing is… what’s harder is entrusting yourself to them. If you’re so set on keeping them safe then let them keep you safe in return. That’s what friendships are, right? Or any other relationship for that matter. Give and take.”

Yuri’s breathing had become uneven. She had just committed something worthy of being an atrocity, a violation of her friends’ rights: she poured herself out to a stranger. It was her fate and Taeyeon’s. It was their weakness, their selfishness at work. It was them depriving their friends of a real mutual relationship.

“Sunye, I’m sorry for ranting.” “It’s okay. I’m sorry, too. For not having enough to say. Your friends are the best ones for the job, you know? Just talk to them. I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.” “Yeah. I will.”

The living room returned to silence. Sunye placed herself back at the far side of the couch and left Yuri at the other end. She placed that space back in between them, just enough to mark where they both stood in each other’s lives.

In the next room, however, there was no talk about space. Proximity and distance never did exist between Taeyeon and Sunmi. There was no acquaintance stage and neither were they at a level of friendship. It seemed impossible to some, but they both achieved that kind of togetherness where there was no ‘you’ and ‘me.’ Imagine two mirrors facing each other. The question arises: which is which’s reflection?

That was how they stood. Like they were the same person.

“Sunmi, wake up.” There was no response. Taeyeon grabbed the blanket’s edge and slowly pulled. She found Sunmi rolled on her side. “Sunmi,” she said once more. Still no response.

Taeyeon sat on the floor and examined her dongsaeng. She could not sense movement, but could hear light snoring. At least she’s still breathing.

“Sohee, what did she do last night?” “She looked everywhere, unnie. Then she cried. I found her like that.” “Did she blame herself?” “Yes. I couldn’t count how many times she said so.” Taeyeon took deep breath and swallowed. “Did you tell her it wasn’t her fault?” “Of course, unnie. But she got mad at me when I did.” “Really?”

Sohee did not reply at once. With her arms crossed across her chest, she stared at her feet and then at the door. Her dormant caring nature revealed itself the moment she saw Sunmi crying under a palm tree. The sight of it dug into her, drilled through the dam securing her emotions. And out came pouring the suppressed anger toward Taeyeon.

“She got mad because I told her it was your fault, unnie,” she replied. Then she raised her head. “It’s the truth, though. Isn’t it?”

There was no reason to deny it.

“Yeah. It was mine. Definitely mine.” “And that’s what makes it so hard.” Taeyeon turned to her dongsaeng. Without a form of defense to raise, she still dared to ask: “Why?” “Because whatever you do can be traced back to her. That’s where she gets the courage to blame herself. It was her idea. It was her fantasy. And you just happened to give life to it. Whatever it is that she formed with you, I think it’s the closest thing to an identity she’s ever gotten. For the first time, she wasn’t just some hyperactive, naïve kid. So what are you going to do now, unnie? Are you going to take responsibility for it?” “If she lets me then—” “Don’t give me that, unnie. I know you’re leaving. You just dropped by to say goodbye, right?” Taeyeon had nothing. She stood up, took one more look at the sleeping Sunmi and then approached the door Sohee was standing by. With her head down, she replied: “Can I tell you something?” Sohee let her folded arms fall to her sides. If Taeyeon was presenting herself defenseless then she wanted to even the playing field. “What?” “Forget it.” Sohee replied with silence. “It’s one more thing me and Sunmi share. This kind of temporary amnesia. But I’m going to let go of it today so consider it as originally Sunmi’s, okay? This... all of this, me, my friends, what happened last night. Forget about it. Forget I ever said anything.” Sohee slowly nodded. She stepped aside to give way to the unnie she was starting to forget. It was easy to flush the rest down. “But please tell her I want to say thank you,” Taeyeon added as she grabbed the doorknob. “I’ll just end up telling her to forget anyway.” “Yeah. You should. It was nice meeting you, Sohee-ah.”

She met Yuri in the sixth lodge’s living room and they both extended their thanks and apologies to Sunye and the rest of her friends who were still asleep. They parted with only pieces of each other’s stories, uneven backgrounds, unanswered questions.

They were once again on their way back to the ninth lodge. Perhaps for the last time.

Without a word, Yuri took Taeyeon’s hand.

“Thanks.” “What have we been doing, Taeng?” “Being selfish?” “Yeah. That’s the word.” “So what now?” “We gotta get Tiffany back first.” Taeyeon tightened her grip. It was a habit. “You miss her, don’t you? You miss holding her hand?” “Of course I do,” Taeyeon answered. “Do you think she did this to remind us of that? To remind us that we have to miss the people we love?” “I dunno, Yuri-ah.” “Hmm… we have another reason to get her back then. We have to know, right?” “Just thinking about it scares the heck out of me, actually.” “So you would rather not know?” “I just want her back.” “You’ve settled for that for far too long, Taeng. Just having her here will never be enough for you. Besides, the longer you keep thinking that way, the longer the chance of me hurting you will stand. It’s tiring sometimes. Trying to protect you, I mean.” “I didn’t ask for that.” “You don’t need to. We’re friends. It’s what friends do.” “If you’re not okay with it then just stop. I’ll understand.” “No you won’t. I didn’t tell you this because I’m complaining, okay? I’m saying this now so you’ll know how long you’re going to spend protecting your friends in return. I guess now’s the time to stop being so selfish. You can do that, right? Or don’t you trust us enough to feel the need to protect us?” Taeyeon could not reply. “It’s okay. Yoong told me about your talk. And you’re right. We’ve been bad friends. We’ve been forcing you to do things we thought were right without getting your opinion. We’ve done a lot of stupid things to try to make you happier and by doing that, we pushed Tiffany away, too. It’s not that surprising that you’ve lost your faith in us.” “When we get her back, let’s all sit down and talk. Okay?” “You got it. Like old times.” “Nah. Let’s start over.”

They arrived at the ninth lodge and found all of their friends already at the front door. It was something like a happy reunion. Despite not being apart, they had found a new meaning to each other’s company. Though cliché, there was that notion of appreciating something after losing it.

For each and every one, however, losing Tiffany was not worth the epiphany. They would rather have gone through every lie and secret as nine than lose one per revelation. They knew that the pact made among friends transcends the physical and, at the same time, cannot be without the physical. They needed that presence, the presence of each one, to be able to feel fulfilled. And so the decision still stood: get Tiffany back and then find the parts of themselves that she took with her.

They went on with saying the rest of their fast goodbyes.

“Thanks for everything, Heechul unnie.” “Hey. No problem. Good luck with the search. When you get her back why don’t you visit again?” And their heartfelt gratitude. “Seriously? You guys are leaving?” “Yes. We have to catch the train so please tell Kangin oppa as well. Thank you for your help, Teukie oppa.”

And a few more apologies.

“We’re sorry if we bothered you last night, Siwon oppa.” “No. It’s okay. I’m glad you told me. She’s a good friend so… yeah. If you hear from her please tell me.”

And one more request.

Taeyeon faced Siwon with a smile. “Oppa, do you really have no idea where she is?” Siwon shook his head. “Hyukjae hyung and I even reached the train station last night. She wasn’t there. I really thought she would be.” “I see. Thank you again. Please tell Hyukjae oppa that we’re thankful for his help as well. It was nice to meet you both.”

The train station was crowded. It was hard for the group of friends to adjust to the sudden change of scenery: the haggard expressions, the scent of office folders, the deafening mix of footsteps and chatter. Simply, everything alien to the seaside.

They assigned Sooyoung to buy the tickets.

The long line was not much of a threat to her. She just wanted to get the trip over with. If she had to face Tiffany’s family and worse, her own, then she would rather have the encounter right there and then if possible. In the middle of a busy station filled with busy strangers who led busy lives amidst the busy revolution of the Earth. That way, she would not feel so alone.

She returned to her friends and gave them each a ticket. Because she was failing to keep her emotions to herself – and that was the point of their friendship taking a sharp turn in the first place – she was asked to answer: “What’s the matter?”

“I’m scared.” “We all are,” Hyoyeon replied. The youngest hugged Sooyoung tightly from behind. It was her first comforting act for the day. “We’re right here, unnie.” “Thanks, Seohyun.”

The eight girls had to take separate positions once they boarded the train. Like the station, it was crowded. Only Sunny and Taeyeon were able to grab seats. The rest had to remain standing near the door, from where they could reach the safety handles.

Jessica was holding on to Yoona’s free hand while leaning on Yuri’s back. The inconsistent speed of the train caused little tremors and they purposely stood like that to avoid having her fall over or having her bump into the other passengers. Not far from the trio, Sooyoung, Seohyun and Hyoyeon were standing closely together. The reason for which was the shortage of safety handles.

They left the beach just as they found it: under the scorching sun, invaded by sand and water, filled with people. Similarly, they wanted to arrive home just as they left it: with Tiffany.

CHAPTER 45 At the bottom of the laundry basket were her pajamas from five days before, a pair of socks and a bath towel. On top were her pink shirt and short shorts. She had already taken her underwear and washed them. It could have been a ploy to stall, a sign of wanting to purposely delay her trip back to the beach.

Or not.

“There. I’m done. Gotta go, unnie.”

She rushed out of the room, leaving her older sister to man the washing machine and the dryer. For practicality’s sake, she was asked to do her laundry so drying would only take one round for everyone’s clothes. It made sense, but she could not wait to leave.

“I’m leaving, dad,” she called out from the front door. “Tell oppa I went already, okay?” “Okay! Take care!” “I will!” “Wait!” Mr. Hwang stepped out of the kitchen and approached his daughter. “Oh. Good. You’re wearing pants.” Tiffany giggled. “Yes. I made sure I would so you wouldn’t worry.” “Aish… But whatever my daughter wears makes her look so—” “Stop it, dad. You sound like a pedophile. And, not to mention, incestuous.” Tiffany released a louder chuckle. “Thanks, oppa. I’ll be going now. Bye.”

She left her older brother and her father a bright smile and then vanished through the door.

It was already ‘mid-mid-morning,’ already nearing noon, but not quite yet. It did not take long for the heat to affect her and before she knew it, she was already sweating. She stopped near a streetlight to grab her handkerchief from inside her pants’ pocket.

“Tsk. Where is it?” she muttered to herself. She checked her other pocket. “Ah. Here it—”

It was not her handkerchief. She stared at her phone. It looked blank. She pressed a button and it blinked: 1 message received.

TaeTae? She thought almost instantly.

She pressed another button and the message flashed: “Tiffany, where are you? Are you okay? Everyone’s looking for you. Please reply.”

She sighed. It was from Siwon, sent the night before.

Well, at least I know they were worried about me. She wondered if her friends still felt the same though another morning had arrived. Obviously, they thought it futile to send her a message because they knew she and Taeyeon left their phones at home. Something about accidentally dropping them into the

water. That cheered her up somehow. It reminded her that her friends were still paying attention to her and it made her think twice about seeing herself as the neglected friend, the exiled one, the buried memory.

“Guys, I’m on my way back. I’m sorry if I left. It was selfish of me. It was stupid. I hope you can forgive me.”

She sent a message to her friends. Even to Taeyeon. She silently hoped the apology was not too late. In case it was, she pushed herself to run faster back to the station. Waiting for a bus to come by was testing her patience.

Again, she ran. This time, not away but back.

The train station was packed, unlike when she left it. Not that she was paying attention. She had little time to do so. She bought her ticket, rushed to the platform and waited. There was a steady anxiety within her, but undeniable excitement surged through it, broke it. She just wanted to open their lodge’s door, rush in and hug everyone. She could already imagine her smiling face, her friends’ confused ones, their raised eyebrows when they ask where she had gone and why she left. That would’ve been okay. But how would TaeTae react?

Did she worry? Or did Sunmi keep her better company?

The doors opened before her just as the thought came to mind. Anxiety was then broken once again. This time by jealousy. Little did she know that Kim Taeyeon’s expression was easy to image, as easy as that of the rest of their friends. Only twice or thrice as heartbreaking.

The train arrived. She boarded but was unable to take a seat. Her good-natured self was to blame and the existence of senior citizens. She allowed the two seventy-or-so-looking ladies to sit on her supposed spot and then settled for taking one of the safety handles. The train rocked side to side.

“Where are we going again?” “To your doctor!” “No need to shout. I can still hear, you know?” “Meh. So you didn’t forget your hearing aid today.” “You’re the one who brought it for me.” “Eh? Really?” “And you say I’m the forgetful one. Amazing.”

Tiffany could not help but overhear the two older women’s conversation. She found it cute.

The train passed by tall buildings. Each seemed new, like the cranes and cement-mixers had just been driven away the moment the passengers stopped to look outside the window. She realized that the sixth day had come and a lot had not changed. She only thought they did. In fact, the buildings had been around for decades, maybe even before her birth. The ribbons had been cut, the windows had been cleaned hundreds of thousands of times, the elevators had been ridden up and down as much as the employees inhaled and exhaled.

The train stopped, she got off and left for the beach. As she walked, the distant chirping of sea gulls welcomed her. She avoided the sand and the water but thought of meeting up with them later after she changed into more comfortable clothes.

She took a deep breath and then raised her arm to knock. “Guys?” There was no response. “Hello?”

She knocked again and again. Then she approached the nearest window to take a peek inside. Excitement went down the drain, leaving jealousy afloat but dismissed as useless. They left? No way! She circled the lodge, checked every window. Nothing. What the heck? There was no one inside. She went back to the front steps, tried to open the door and then found that it was locked. Wait. Maybe they went swimming.

She took her phone out to check. After a few presses, nothing. No messages, no calls. Just that favorite wallpaper: the same picture she had in her wallet. She stared at it for a second and then the backlight dimmed. She now had two Kim Taeyeon’s. Only neither was real. She sent another message.

“I’m back at the lodge. Where are you guys? Are you mad at me? I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. I’ll explain. I promise.”

She left the ninth lodge, started walking. She stopped once in awhile, thought about going faster or slower and then told herself that she would have to get somewhere some time, some way. Once she did, though, there was no telling whether excitement would rise only to be replaced by relief or if anxiety would slap her across the face only to be backed up by jealousy.

“Tiffany!!”

She turned around and smiled. “Oppa!” “You’re here!” Siwon screamed as he ran. His upper body shone a deep golden brown as the sun landed on it. He was obviously going about lifeguard duties again. His whistle swung back and forth. Tiffany fixed her bags’ straps to ease her shoulders. “Yeah. I’m sorry for not replying last night!” With a smile coming and going as he panted, Siwon raised a hand to signal the need to catch his breath; Tiffany nodded and stood by. “Whew… Hi,” Siwon greeted. “Hi, oppa. I’m really sorry if I caused you trouble. I didn’t—” “Where have you been?” “I went home.” “And you didn’t tell your friends? What’s wrong with you?” “I’m sorry. Uh… would you happen to know where they are?” “What? They haven’t contacted you yet?” “No. I sent them a message earlier, but they haven’t replied.” Siwon rubbed the back of his head. The muscles on his arm took visible shape as he did so. “They didn’t leave yet, did they?” Tiffany asked. “They said goodbye early this morning, while I was getting ready to go to my post. I can’t believe they didn’t message you.” “Well, they know I don’t have my phone so—Wait. Where did they go? Did they say anything?” “No. They weren’t that specific and I didn’t ask, either. I was sure they were leaving to go look for you, though.” “I see. I better go then.” “Wait. Where are you gonna go?” “I’ll just—” “No. Wait. Before that, why did you leave? Was there a problem?” Tiffany swallowed and then squinted to shield her eyes from the passing sun. “Oh. Sorry.” Siwon gestured for Tiffany to follow him to a nearby palm tree. Both took shelter and had once again established eye-contact. Tiffany did not seem to want to answer the question. “Is this about your friends? Did you guys have a fight?” Siwon continued to ask. Tiffany shook her head. “No. We were pretty happy before I left, actually.” “If that’s the case then—” “I mean Taeyeon and me.” Siwon took a few seconds before replying. A forming frown was taken back. “So your other friends are the problem?” “No. Not exactly.” “Then what is it?”

“My friends and I didn’t have a fight. They weren’t the reason why I left. If you’re asking why I decided I wanted to leave and why I left then those are two different things.” “I want to know what’s behind both then.” “Oppa, I need to go.” Siwon sighed. He stared down at the trunk of the palm tree and then back at Tiffany. “Wanna have lunch with me? It’s already past noon anyway.” “I dunno. I have to—” “Just a quick bite. Who knows? Maybe you’ll receive a message from your friends by the time we’re done.” Tiffany felt the pocket where her phone was. She was pretty sure there were no messages as of yet and she found her back-up plan something to be naturally hesitant about. “Okay. One quick bite.”

They left for Heechul’s stall. After his internship as a bartender for Teukie’s yacht party, he learned of the bet between the two pairs. It did not take long for him to satisfy his curiosity by paying a visit to the notorious Heechul-Hankyung couple.

“Ah. Siwon-ah. Here for lunch, too?” Heechul asked. “Yes, hyung. Uh, two bowls of naengmyun and two orders of patbingsoo.” “All right. Hey Han—”

Heechul held back the second syllable of Hankyung’s name after a passing glance alerted him about the familiar girl who was standing behind Siwon.

“Tiffany? You’re back?” Tiffany side-stepped, revealing more of her presence in the process and then gave a small bow. “Hello, oppa.” “But Taeyeon already—” “Yeah. I know they left. Did they tell you where they were going?” Heechul shook his head. “They just said they were going to look for you. Why don’t you message them or something?” “I did. They haven’t replied.” “I see. Why’d you leave anyway?” “Uh, hyung, I think you should get our orders first,” Siwon interjected. “Oh. Right.”

Siwon and Tiffany sat on a nearby curb while waiting for their food. Silence kept them company until a mouth opened to release a repeated question.

“So why you decided you wanted to leave and why you left. What’s that about?” “I was scared.” “Of?” “Something that might not be real.” “And then you left because it really wasn’t real?” “Yes.” There was a short pause. “I know it’s none of my business, but it kinda worries me how you just up and left like that. You could’ve gotten into trouble or something. Plus, you left a lot of people worrying.” “I wasn’t thinking that well. I’m sorry I worried you, oppa.” “Whatever this ‘something’ was, it must’ve been pretty serious if it made you so careless.” “Now that I think about it, it’s pretty stupid.” “Is this about what you asked me before? About something wrong feeling right?” “Yeah. I guess that’s pretty much how it’s been. It took me so long to ask that question and now… I don’t think I should’ve asked.” “Why?” “Because it doesn’t matter if it feels right when I’m the only one who feels that way. It’s not like that person loves me back.”

There was another round of silence. Siwon stood up to claim their orders and then asked if he could pay later. After getting Heechul’s approval, he gave Tiffany her share and they started eating. The naengmyun went down fast. It was the patbingsoo they took their time with.

“I don’t get exactly where God fits in this entire talk. Or maybe I’m just slow?” “You’re not slow, oppa. All that talk about temptation and sinning just doesn’t make sense to me anymore.” “Really? Is that a good thing then?” “I don’t know. But let me ask another you another question.” “Sure thing.” “There’s nothing wrong with holding on to two things, right? Holding on to God, still going to church, still praying, still reading…” “And?” “And loving?” “Of course there isn’t anything wrong with that.” “And loving a girl, I mean.” “Oh.”

Tiffany took in a spoonful of her dessert while waiting for Siwon to speak again. She expected the lack of words, of course. Otherwise, she would have not been able to enjoy the burst of flavor inside her mouth: milk, chocolate ice cream, sweet mango slices, pineapple bits, tiny strawberries. Predominantly. The taste of the bits of kiwi, peaches and melon were lost somewhere within the clumps of ice. Red bean paste was everywhere. Delicious.

“So that’s what you were worried about,” Siwon finally said. “Yeah. I know it’s wrong. It’s against the rules, right?” “It is. And society’s norms, of course.” “And that. too. But I didn’t really give much thought to that. Wait. Maybe I should.” “No, no. I don’t think that’s gonna work. Besides, it’s not like you can find an answer to that, either. You’ll just keep going around in circles.” “Ah. You’re right, oppa. Well, so what now? Is it okay to tell her while keeping my faith? Or is that too hypocritical?” “I don’t think it’s hypocritical. Love is something we have to share with the rest creation after all. But I don’t know how that answers your question. I don’t really have any form of authority to tell you what’s okay and what’s not.” “’Cause it’s up to my conscience?” “Partly, yeah. Then again, doctrine is there for a reason. If your conscience can’t handle it, you might regret it someday.”

Tiffany’s dessert was melting. By how it looked, one bite would not result to a burst of flavor but a suction of taste. The ingredients were too immersed in each other to give off their individual scents and essence. She stirred them with her spoon, thinking: If I don’t tell her, I’ll regret it. If I do, I might regret it. I really am going around in circles.

“I’m sure you’re having doubts right now,” Siwon said. While Tiffany was silent, he had also taken in a spoonful of his dessert. “I’m sure it’s hard to choose between what makes you happy and what you have to do. And I’m sorry I don’t have any encouraging words to say. I heard this once, though: ‘If you keep true to your creed, you’ll never find yourself let down.’ I guess it’s just a matter of how much you know what you believe in.” “Thanks, oppa. Thanks for lunch, too… But I gotta go.” “Are you going home?” “No.”

She finished the rest of her dessert, left Siwon a smile and then started walking. She felt her bags swing back and forth, the straps pressing on her shoulder and her arm. She checked her phone, found no messages and then raised her head to check if she had arrived at her destination. Come to think about it, I’ve only been here once. She knocked.

“Just a minute.”

The voice was familiar. She wondered if revealing herself would result to the same kind of shocked expressions she saw from Siwon and Heechul. While waiting, she tugged on her bags’ zippers as if making a game out of keeping one pocket open and one closed. The door opened.

“Ti-Tiffany. Uh… hi.”

She was right. Ye Eun had the expression of shock. The raised brows gave off an additional confused look.

“Hi. I heard that my friends left this morning—” “Ah. Yeah. They did. I mean… uh… come in. It must be hot out there.” “Thank you.”

They entered the sixth lodge. Tiffany was asked to wait on the couch and she did so in silence while checking her phone every fifteen seconds or so. She thought of calling, did so, sat through the ringbacks and only got busy tones in the end. For every number. Even Taeyeon’s. Of course, the last one was understandable.

Ye Eun went off to the kitchen where the rest of her friends were having lunch.

“Guys!” “Who was at the door?” Yoobin asked. “Tiffany’s here!” “What?!”

Sohee quickly eyed Sunmi’s reaction.

“What did she say she’s here for?” Sunye asked, also aware of Sunmi’s gloomy aura. “Nothing yet,” Ye Eun answered. “Sorry. I was just surprised to see her at the door and I didn’t know what to say so I asked her to wait in the living room. Should I ask her to come here?”

“No!” Sohee immediately answered. “Sohee-ah, why are you being like that?” Sunye asked. Sunmi’s depression was one thing, but Sohee’s fiery disposition was something she overlooked. “Nothing, unnie. Sorry. I’ll go talk to her.”

Sohee had already stood up when another chair was pushed back.

“I’ll go,” Sunmi announced. She shot Sohee a quick glare and then left. Her friends did not have a chance to react in any way.

She arrived at the living room with a heavy heart. She regretted not having the chance to say goodbye to her Taeyeon unnie and she was thinking that greeting Tiffany with hello could be equally depressing. Nevertheless, she did.

“Hello, Tiffany unnie.” “Sunmi. Hi. Uh… did my friends say anything when they stopped by?” “I was asleep. Sorry.” “Oh. Then maybe the others know something?” “I haven’t asked.” Tiffany stood up. “Can you ask them for me? Or can I just ask them myself?” “I’m sorry, unnie.” “What? For what?” “I didn’t mean to get in the way or anything.” Tiffany did not know what her dongsaeng was talking about. And she was in a hurry. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Sunmi.” “I know I did, unnie. I know I’m the reason you left.”

You’re part of it. Maybe. But Tiffany did not know for sure if Taeyeon’s “We’re friends, remember?” had something to do with Sunmi. They could be more than friends. They could already be a couple. Wait.

“Sunmi, what are you talking about?” “I didn’t mean to spend so much time with Taeyeon unnie. I really didn’t mean for us to go that way.” Tiffany swallowed hard. It was practically an open confession. Asking another question would have confirmed it. But she did not want to. “It’s okay. I just need to know where they went so if you could

go ask Sunye and the others, I’d appreciate it. Please? No one has been replying to my messages and answering my calls so—” “Don’t you care about Taeyeon unnie at all?!” “Of course I do! That’s why I need to know where they are!” Sunmi stared at her feet. She took a deep breath and then lifted her head again. “Okay. I’ll ask. Under one condition.” “What is it?” “Take a walk with me.” “But I have to go meet them—” “We’ll just ask them to come back here. That’ll be easier.” Tiffany did not reply.

She watched Sunmi turn around to leave for the kitchen. She says it’s so easy, huh? Maybe they reply faster if it’s her. Yeah. That’s it. Maybe no one has been replying to me on purpose. She put her phone inside her pocket and decided not to pay attention to it for at least more than ten minutes. It was a kind of bet. The kind that could hurt her.

CHAPTER 46 With that exact worry Tiffany had seen thrice upon her return to the beach, Taeyeon stood behind her friends. Straight from the train station, they rushed to the police station. She had never seen a place as empty as where she was standing. Not literally. It was filled with people in uniforms and the other civilians like her. At the same time, in her head, it was so empty, so blank and cold.

“A missing persons report?” “Yes,” Hyoyeon answered. The others were right behind her, ready to tag in anytime. Except Taeyeon. Maybe. “Where exactly did you last see this person?” “At the beach past the—”

Taeyeon exited the police station after whispering into Seohyun’s ear that she wanted to wait outside. She could not bear to hear the rest of the conversation. She knew it would only send flashbacks her way and she found no comfort in those. Having the images right before her very eyes felt similar to dreaming. Only, they actually happened. That was the hard part.

“Tsk. What am I going to tell your family, Ti-ppany?” she muttered.

She squatted with her head hung low as if to show defeat. She was, in a way. Her bags were right beside her, straps still on her shoulder. A few people passed her by. She heard the footsteps and the chatter. She did not mind them, though. Because she was positioned near the door, she was expecting more of a hard push or a quick order to stand up to give way. There was none. She was left to brood over what was going on inside, what she would do after her friends arrive from their talk with the police about the missing person’s description.

She sighed and lifted her head. As she expected, the passers-by were looking at her, passing judgment with every glance. They might have thought she was homeless. She stared back at them, offering them a semblance of the truth about her situation. They all looked away, faced forward and went on. The she asked herself what she would have done if she saw herself squatting outside a police station. I’d probably look away, too. Or take my wallet out, grab a bill and hand it over.

“Taeng!!” “Omo! Omo! Omo!”

She got on her feet the moment she heard her name. Before she knew it, Hyoyeon and Sooyoung were already in front of her face, waving their phones and spouting gibberish.

“Omo! Omo! Omo!” Sooyoung chanted, hopping. “What? What is it?” Taeyeon asked with knitted brows. “Tiffany! Sunmi found her!” Taeyeon was round-mouthed. She could not say anything. “See?” Sooyoung’s hand was trembling and the screen was too close, but Taeyeon read the message aloud: “Guys, I’m on my way back. I’m sorry if I left. It was selfish of me. It was stupid. I hope you can forgive me.” “Come on! We need to go back to the lodge!” Hyoyeon urged as she pulled Taeyeon away from Sooyoung. “Wait. I can’t—” “What do you mean you can’t? Wait. Whatever! We’ll talk about it later! We have to go!” “Wait! My bags! I have to—” “Worry about that later! Let’s go!”

She broke into a sprint. Her friends were in front of her, trying to catch the bus they missed while she was trying to argue that she had to fix her bags’ straps. She could not catch her breath, much like how she could not absorb what she had just read off of a shaking screen.

“Taeng! Hurry!!” Hyoyeon screamed as she looked over her shoulder. “Yeah! Just catch that bus first!”

She took bigger steps, even jumped a few times to cover more ground. In the end, it was worth it. All of them got on the bus. Again, though, they did not have seats. Aish. What is it with today and crowded public transportation?

“Here, Taeyeon unnie. You’re sweating.” She took Seohyun’s handkerchief and wiped her cheeks with it. Her breathing was slowly steadying. “Man! We are so stupid!” Yuri exclaimed. A few heads turned. “Relax,” Jessica replied as she stroked Yuri’s back. “We didn’t message her because she left her phone at home, remember?” “Yeah, but we should’ve done it anyway!” “Yuri unnie, stop that,” Yoona mumbled. “People are staring.” Yuri sighed. “I messaged back already. Don’t worry,” Sunny said. “I did, too,” Hyoyeon added. “How did we miss this anyway?” Sooyoung said while staring at her phone. “Didn’t anyone check their phones the entire time?” The eight girls exchanged glances. No one seemed to have a clue. “We were all tired, unnie,” Seohyun spoke up. “I’m sure everyone just had going to the police station in mind.” Taeyeon nodded. “How did you finally see the message anyway?” she asked. “Well,” Hyoyeon replied, “they were asking for her home address and their home number. I didn’t have it memorized, but I remembered that I had it in my phone. I took it out to check and them bam! A hundred missed calls from Tiffany! And two messages!” “Two?” “Ah. The other one was: ‘I’m back at the lodge. Where are you guys? Are you mad at me? I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. I’ll explain. I promise.’ So I guess there really is some big reason behind it. As much as I want to know what it is, I’m just glad she’s okay.” “Yeah,” Taeyeon mumbled in reply. “Me, too.”

She wished she had her phone with her, too. She wished she could have read something from the missing person and felt the mixed emotions course through her body up to the tips of her fingers and toes. She probably would not have minded jumping up and down in joy while screaming ‘Omo! Omo!

Omo!’ as long as she had that assurance that the missing person had been named Tiffany again. There was that kind of passing regret, one that made her ask herself if Tiffany even bothered to send her a message even if she left her phone at home as well. She spent a few more minutes thinking about it once they arrived at the train station.

The conversations ceased to give way to some reflecting. Each of them did not notice how much they spent for tickets, if they got the right ones, which train they boarded, which seats they took, if they sat down at all. All of them, except for Taeyeon, were staring at their phones, waiting.

“Omo!” Sooyoung excitedly called everyone else’s attention. “Yeah. I got one, too,” Jessica replied as she read the message she had just received. Taeyeon was waiting for her friends to read it aloud. “Unnies, please head back to the beach. Tiffany unnie is at our lodge,” Seohyun announced. “It’s from Sunmi.” “Looks like Fany’s the one running around asking about us this time,” Sunny commented. She had just finished opening the message herself. “It’s a good thing she thought of going to Sunye’s lodge.” The rest got back to messaging Sunmi back. “I didn’t know you guys and Sunmi were so close,” Taeyeon said, an air of possessiveness in her tone. She recalled leaving her dongsaeng and her short and not-so-sweet discussion with Sohee. Now that Sunmi’s name had crawled back to conversations with her friends, she found a reason to regret once more. “We’re not. I mean, not that much,” Sooyoung replied. “We just got everyone’s numbers during the search. You know, to keep in touch in case anyone found anything.” “I see.”

No one in the group knew what was taking both Tiffany and Sunmi so long to message back. They were silent on the train, only thinking of finally seeing their friend again, how much they wanted to apologize in return. Fidgety as they were about sending her a message every five seconds, some of them did. The messages got through just fine. Tiffany was just too busy trying to keep her thoughts in check to notice. Plus, the bet still stood. Ten minutes had passed, but a certain someone caused her to forget.

“She took you here, didn’t she, unnie?” “Yeah. After you took her.” “Oh. I see. You saw that, huh?” “I followed her around.” “Like a stalker?” “I think I am.”

Sunmi asked her friends just as she promised Tiffany she would. After both of them found out that Taeyeon and the others were on their way to the police station, Sunmi made sure to message each and every one to let them know that Tiffany was with her, safe and sound. Then she asked Tiffany to take a walk with her. There they stood, at that edge Tiffany was so afraid of.

“What do you really want to tell me?” Tiffany asked. “That I’m sorry, unnie.” “For what?” Sunmi did not reply at once. She did not want to confess for Taeyeon. “If you’re not going to say anything—” “Were you jealous, unnie?” “Of you?” “Yes. Of me.”

Tiffany did not expect to see a straightforward Sunmi. The only image she had of her dongsaeng was from the first few minutes of their first encounter. It was the only one she wanted to keep. The rest, where Taeyeon was more deeply involved, she had decided to scrap.

“You always look at me like you’re mad, unnie. That’s why I’m asking,” Sunmi added. “I’m sorry if it looked that way—” “It’s okay. I know you’re only like that when it comes to Taeyeon unnie. It’s not that hard to notice. You care about her, don’t you? That’s why you’re so protective?” “Yeah. Of course I care about her.” “But you left. Why is that? If you care about her so much then there isn’t really a reason to leave, right?” Tiffany sighed. She could feel the thinning ledge with her toes. At that moment, a breeze rushed past her, like it was pushing her back, saving her from negativity. “Except maybe if she said something stupid.” “How did you know—” “You wanted her to say she loves you, right?”

It probably showed on Tiffany’s face, but Sunmi was reading her faster than she could put on the expression she wanted. It scared her at first, but then it confirmed just how close her TaeTae and Sunmi had become, how much Sunmi had picked up on her TaeTae’s sense of ‘just knowing.’

“She’s been doing a lot of things for me lately. Well, come to think about it, she always does things for me. Sweet things. I didn’t care much before. It was just fun to get surprised every now and then. This whole week isn’t any different except that it’s been awesome and sad at the same time. I’ve been struggling with a lot of things and she seemed to have a lot of free time on her hands. After all, she rushes out the moment I take my eyes off of her. Wait. Scratch that. She rushes off even when I’m still looking. The thing is I never got the courage to ask her why. I just let her go. I ran after her a few times – stalked her if that’s what you want to hear – and then I just pretended nothing happened. I asked her if she has anything she wants to tell me, but we always end up changing the subject. That’s how it went… for four straight days. On the fifth day,” she paused to turn to Sunmi, “you know what happened then, right?”

Sunmi nodded.

“Then I guess you have something to do with that restaurant thing, too. And the cave. Well, thanks. I had fun. It really did help with our motto for the week: ‘Let’s make the most out of our vacation’ or something. I guess that’s all she wanted to do—” “But you wanted more? Right?”

Tiffany avoided Sunmi’s eyes. The way she heard her dongsaeng’s voice tower over her, over the waves below them, intimidated her. In it, she saw the conviction she wished she had, but could hardly grasp. She could not state her reply outright.

“I was already thinking of leaving that day, but when she took me to the cave all those thoughts seemed so far away. I almost stayed, you know? I was so happy. Even though we were just talking, walking and laughing in there, I was happy. Then… when she held me and said those words, poof. I guess I went on stupid mode. You do know which words I’m talking about, right?” “Yes, unnie. I know.” “When we got back to the lodge, I left her with Yoong and Seohyun for awhile and when I got back no one was around. The living room was empty, the kitchen was empty, the other room was locked. When I couldn’t find her, I figured she came running back to you again. And I guess I was right. I felt so alone. No one even told me anything. She didn’t tell me anything.” “Technically, she did. Just something you didn’t want to hear.” “Ah. Yeah, good point.”

Sunmi looked at Tiffany without a word: her usually bright eyes, the tip of her nose, how her lips curved, her slender neck… down to her trembling toes. She took Tiffany’s hand, pulled her back and then

let go. She knew she was the last person Tiffany wanted to hold hands with, that there was only one person for that.

“What did you do that for?” “I’m scared you might fall off.” Tiffany smiled. It was not the cheerful kind. “Wow. Does that show on my face, too?” “No. You’re face is pretty much blank right now, unnie. I was just making a guess.” Tiffany did not reply. She released another sigh. “If it weren’t for me, she wouldn’t have acted that way, unnie. If it weren’t for me, maybe you would’ve gotten to hear what you wanted.” “I don’t think I will ever hear what I want to hear, Sunmi. I was wrong, or maybe too right. But I was just too late to realize it.” “It’s never too late, unnie.” “But it is. She has you now. That’s what you’re trying to tell me, right? That because of you I can’t have her all to myself?” “Not at all, unnie. I’m not taking her away from you.” “So it’s just her choosing you over me? Okay. I get it.” “You really are jealous, unnie. You must love her that much, huh?” “I don’t need to tell you anything. You seem to have things figured out anyway.” “Yeah, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask you once in awhile. That way you won’t forget that you said it yourself.” “You can stop stalling now, Sunmi. Just tell me. You two are together, aren’t you?” Sunmi giggled. She did not mean to break the awfully dramatic moment so suddenly. “No, unnie. That can never happen.” “Really?” Sunmi flashed a smile. “I think you’d rather hear the answer from Taeyeon unnie. Am I right? To make up for that stupid thing she said. Once she does, I’ll be able to apologize properly.”

Tiffany easily recognized the path that led back to the sixth lodge. It was the only thing she wanted to pay attention to, as if taking it in would somehow tell her of Taeyeon’s moments alone with Sunmi. How many times have you gone here by yourself, TaeTae? How much better did you feel after running back to her?

They arrived at the sixth lodge and Sunye was the one who opened the door. They were greeted by Yoobin and Ye Eun once inside. Sohee was in her room.

“So how was the seaside?” Ye Eun, who was seated on the floor near the table, asked. She had just finished drinking water from her glass. “Is it still hot outside?” Yoobin added. She was lying on the couch with her feet up on its arm. “We went somewhere else and no, it wasn’t that hot,” Sunmi replied. “Unnie, please sit up so Tiffany unnie can sit down.” “Oh.” Yoobin quickly sat up, following her dongsaeng’s request. “Sorry about that. Here, Tiffany. Sit.” “Thanks,” Tiffany answered. She approached the couch and sat down. “So have Taeyeon and the others messaged back?” “I haven’t—” “Omo! I forgot!” Sunmi exclaimed, cutting Tiffany’s reply. She quickly reached into her pocket to retrieve her phone. It blinked. “Ah! They’re on their way back! Aish… they flooded my inbox.” “That’s good,” Ye Eun commented. “Not the flooded inbox! I mean, about them already on their way.” She stood up and left her glass on the table. “Well, I better tell Sunye that we should buy something extra for dinner.” “No. That’s okay,” Tiffany immediately denied. “You guys have done a lot already. I’ll treat my friends to dinner when they get here. And you guys, too, if you want. It’s to make up for all the trouble I caused.” “Nonsense! Just sit back and relax.” “No, really, I—” “Taeyeon unnie says to check your messages, unnie,” Sunmi interrupted. “What the—Huh?” Sunmi giggled. She approached Tiffany and held her phone up: “Thanks, Sunmi. Tell Fany-ah to check her phone. Everyone’s been waiting for a reply from her. – Taeyeon.” Tiffany hurriedly got her phone and checked. She could not help but smile. Her usual crescentforming eyes were back as well as that bright smile. “What did they say, unnie?” Sunmi asked. Ye Eun and Yoobin were listening in, too. “My phone is frozen.” “Eh?!” “I pressed a button and it hanged. They sent too many messages. And they called, too.” Yoobin laughed. “Imagine a hundred messages times eight senders. That’s a hell of a lot!” “Times seven actually,” Sunmi said. “Taeyeon unnie doesn’t have her phone. She used Sunny unnie’s just now.” “Ah. I see, I see.”

Tiffany stared at her phone and its frozen screen that flashed how many messages and calls she had received. She was in the middle of guessing how many were from Taeyeon when she heard what Sunmi said. Did you even bother to send one, TaeTae?

“Me and Sunye are gonna go order dinner now.” Ye Eun announced from the kitchen entrance. “Anything in particular that you guys want?” “Patbingsoo!” Yoobin cheered. “Yeah! Lots of it!” Sunmi added. “What about you, Tiffany? Anything that you and the others like?” “Uh… anything you guys are having, I guess. Anything’s okay.” “Hmm… okay then.” Ye Eun disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Yoobin, Sunmi and Tiffany in the living room with their good old friend, Silence.

“Unnie, you should rest,” Sunmi told Tiffany. “I know you’re tired and stressed out.” “Yeah. Take Sohee’s room for awhile. The other room’s still a bit messy, you see,” Yoobin added. Then she turned to Sunmi. “Tell Sohee to stay here in the meantime, will ya?” “Aye, aye, unnie.”

Sunmi left for Sohee’s room. She did not bother knocking and then found that the door was locked. “Sohee-ah? You there?” “What?” “Can you let Tiffany unnie rest in there?” “There’s another room.” “But it’s all messy. You know how the unnies are.” “Then tell them to fix it!” “Ehh… Sohee-ah, why are you being like that?” There was no response. “Sohee-ah! Sohee-ah! Sohee! Sohee! Sohee!!” Sunmi chanted. “Yah! Take the other room!” “Come on, Ahn Sohee! Open up!” “I don’t wanna!” “I’ll give you a massage!” “Leave me alone!” “A really long massage! As long as you want! And I’ll make you lots of juice! And feed you lots of patbingsoo! Hmm… and take pictures with you in the morning! We’ll go to all those places in your pamphlet!”

The door opened with a click.

“Yes!” Sunmi cheered as she came face to face with Sohee. “Get in here for awhile.” “Eh?”

Before Sunmi could ask, she found herself inside Sohee’s room. She remembered crying inside it the night before and then waking up earlier that day with no more tears to shed even after learning of Taeyeon’s departure.

“What are you doing, Sunmi-ah?” Sohee asked. “Asking you to let Tiffany unnie stay here?” “I mean what exactly are you doing with yourself? Do you want to keep hurting yourself, huh?” “No. I don’t want that, Sohee-ah.” “Then why do you keep involving yourself with the people who caused you pain?” “I’m the one who caused them pain, Sohee-ah. You know that.” “No! You wouldn’t have gotten the idea for all that summer fling crap if you hadn’t been spending time with them!” “I was just trying to help. It was my fault that I didn’t know any better—” “Shut up!” Sunmi could not speak. She had never felt such emotion from Sohee. Even the memories of watching her friend’s school plays could not remind her of anything close to the burst of passion. She immediately knew it was not a form of acting. She took a deep breath and hugged Sohee back. The pair of arms around her warmed her all over. “Sohee-ah…” “It hurts to see you cry.” “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you worried that much.” “You idiot! You know everything about the strangers you meet, but what about me? I’ve been right here.” “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” “Tsk. Stop apologizing.” “But you said—” “Forget what I said. You shouldn’t be apologizing for anything. It’s not your fault that you didn’t know any better. You’re not supposed to. You’re still a kid. We’re still kids. There’s no room for that kind of drama just yet.”

Sunmi released a chuckle. She pulled Sohee closer and then played with the ends of Sohee’s long hair. “Silly. You’re the dramatic one.” “I am not!” “Yes, you are.” Sohee sighed and then fixed her chin on Sunmi’s shoulder. “But not that dramatic.” “Okay. You have a point there.” “Don’t get yourself caught up in their business again, okay? Promise me.” “I still have to apologize to Tiffany unnie, though.” “I told you that you don’t—” “At least let me explain myself to her.” “Fine. But after that you have to stay away. No more planning dates and all that mushy stuff!” “I won’t be able to do those things anyway. After this week, I probably won’t even see them again.” “If ever you do, you’re still not allowed to do those things for them. Understand?” “Yes.” Sohee no longer supplied a reply. She just kept holding on. “Sohee-ah?” “Yeah?” “I love you, Sohee-ah.” “Tsk. Quit kidding around.” “I really do. Very, very, very much. Please don’t ever leave me.” “Of course I won’t. Unless it’s about time for us to get jobs. I guess by that time—” “Hey, hey! I thought you said we’re still kids! Who said anything about jobs?” “Just being realistic.” “Whatever. Just promise me we’ll stay like this until the end. That we’d still be friends.” “Friends?” “Or whatever you want,” Sunmi quickly added.

She did not want to make Taeyeon’s mistake. She did not want to be the other mirror in front of another anymore. It was time to find herself and to forgive herself. She hoped her Taeyeon unnie would do the same when she arrives and finds the person she once lost lying comfortably on Sohee’s bed. She hoped her Taeyeon unnie would easily find comfort in knowing that the one she lied to is the only one who deserves every truth she hid. Tiffany unnie, I hope you can forgive me, too.

CHAPTER 47 The beach had gotten more crowded.

“Wait a minute!” “What is it, unnie?” “Hyunnie, we don’t have the keys.” “Ah! We gave it back to the maintenance—Uh-oh.” “So we don’t have a lodge?!” “I guess so.” “Yah! What are we supposed to do with all of these bags?!”

Yoona stared at the pile of luggage. Amidst the hype, she had happily volunteered to fix everyone’s belongings inside. In turn, no one gave so much as a second thought and off they went to the sixth lodge to greet Tiffany. Even their clever youngest was too excited to remember that they had surrendered the ninth lodge earlier that day, waived their rights and refunded the remainder of their rental money.

“Do you think we can rent it again?” Yoona asked. She took time off of her panic attack. “Even if it’s just for a night?” “I don’t know, unnie. We spent the money we refunded for our trip back home and back here, remember? And I don’t have much on me anymore. How much do you have anyway?” Yoona bit her lip and did not bother pulling her wallet out. “Fine. It looks like we’re homeless for tonight. Aish… does that mean we have to travel back home tonight, too?” “I don’t—Omo! Someone’s coming!” “Huh? What the—” “Someone must’ve rented this lodge already. Unnie, what are we going to do? They might say we’re trespassing again.” “Nah. We can just tell them that we—” “Hey! You’re trespassing!” went an unfamiliar voice. “Eunjung-ah! Stop that!” said another girl. Seohyun quickly hid behind Yoona. “I told you so, unnie,” she mumbled. Yoona sighed. “No. We’re not,” she told the newly-arrived vacationers. “We had this lodge until earlier this morning, but we left and then we came back and we forgot that it’s not ours anymore so—” “See, Eunjung-ah? You shouldn’t shout at people like that. Chill.” Yoona nodded at what was just said. Is it just me or does she look like Sica unnie? “Sorry,” Eunjung said with a bow. “We just came a long way and we worked hard to get the money for—” “Oh believe us. We know how that feels,” Yoona interjected. “We ran into this kind of trouble before, too.”

“Ah. I see. I’m sorry if I added to the trouble.” “No, no. It’s okay, unnie. Uh, wait. You’re an unnie, aren’t you?” “I’m an 88-er.” “Yes! Unnie!” Seohyun took a step forward and bowed. “Please forgive her. She’s overly sensitive to being an unnie.” Eunjung turned to her friend. “Just like you with your name, Sunyoung.” “Tsk. I thought we agreed—” “Yes, yes. I’m sorry, Hyomin-ah.” Yoona released a laugh. “You guys are funny—Ouch!” “Unnie, behave,” Seohyun whispered after nudging Yoona. “It’s okay,” Eunjung assured. “Oh. Right. I’m Eunjung and,” she turned to her friend, “this is Hyomin. There was a sudden opening this morning so we decided to take it as soon as we heard about it. Unfortunately, we only had money for three days.” “Oooh. Just the two of you for three whole—” “Yah! Yoona unnie, shush!” “Sorry, Hyunnie.” Hyomin giggled. “You two are so cute. So it’s Yoona and Hyunnie, huh? It’s nice to meet you.” “Please call me Seohyun.” “Oh. Sorry. I should’ve known that ‘Hyunnie’ is a pet name of something.” “N-no. it’s not—” “Nuh-uh, Hyunnie,” Yoona teased. It was her way of getting back at her girlfriend. Seohyun sighed. “Well, anyway, where are you guys off to now?” Eunjung asked. “You sure do have a lot of bags.” “They belong to our unnies,” Seohyun answered. “We were supposed to fix them inside then we remembered that we didn’t have the keys anymore.” “Oh. Well, if you want, you guys can stay over tonight or something.” “That would be too much to ask, unnie. We really—” “It’s just the two of us here anyway, right Hyomin?” “Yeah,” Hyomin answered. “I think it’s big enough for three or five more people.” “Uh… there are nine of us, unnie.” Hyomin had to pause. “That’s okay!” Eunjung replied instead. “Are you guys sure?” Yoona asked. “Yeah. Why not?” Yoona and Seohyun exchanged glances. “Let’s message them first,” Seohyun suggested.

“Okay.”

While Yoona and Seohyun were conversing with another pair of strangers they happened to meet and greet, at the sixth lodge a lot of warm hugs had just finished taking place.

“Sheesh, Tiffany! You scared the heck outta all of us!” Jessica screamed after she broke the tight embrace. “Sorry, guys! I’m really sorry!” Tiffany announced. A few tears had accumulated in the corners of her eyes and some had already rolled down her cheeks. The moment she heard a commotion outside, she sprang to her feet, left Sohee’s room and rushed into her friends’ arms. “Where did you go?” Yuri asked. She had calmed down compared to when they were still on the way. “I went home,” Tiffany answered. “Well, I spent the midnight until early morning in a convenience store and then I went home.” “What the heck?! Tiffany!” Hyoyeon bellowed. The slight frown was out of worry. Everyone knew that. “You were walking around at that hour of day! What were you thinking?!” Sunny added. Tiffany giggled. No other emotion could escape her. “I’m sorry. I really wasn’t myself.” “The question is why,” Sooyoung said. “Yeah,” Yuri agreed. “Why’d you suddenly disappear like that?” “It was just—Wait. Where’s TaeTae?” Everyone turned their heads, perused the living room. They knew ‘Team Sunye’ left for the kitchen to give them time for their happy reunion. Taeyeon, however, was supposed to be with them. “Maybe she went out to get some air,” Sooyoung said. “She’s been a bit weird throughout the trip.” “Yeah,” Sunny added. “I was sitting with her during the trip and she looked uneasy. She hasn’t gotten enough sleep, really.” “All because of me?” Tiffany asked, pointing to herself. “Of course,” Sunny answered. “She worries about you the most.” “Which brings us back to the question,” Jessica said. “What were you thinking, leaving like that? Huh? Seriously.” “It was for a stupid reason, Jessi,” Tiffany replied. And she isn’t even here. “So stupid that you didn’t even talk to us about it?” Yuri asked as she cupped Tiffany’s cheek. “You don’t trust us, either, do you?” Tiffany avoided Yuri’s eyes. “You guys are always away. How could I say anything?”

“I admit we’ve been distant,” Sunny said, “but believe us when we say that we were just trying to be good friends. You might not understand right now, but all those times we left you alone were all for one good reason.” “Which is?” Sunny swallowed. She stole a glance at the rest of her friends and then got back to Tiffany. “You don’t have to hear it from us, Fany-ah. Once Taeyeon—” “Why is everyone saying that? Even Sunmi told me that. What is it with Taeyeon and all of your secrets?” Sooyoung placed a hand on Sunny’s shoulder. It was a signal for her not to speak. “Tiffany, I think it’s best if we start slow,” Hyoyeon said. “We’re all tired and we’re all hungry. I say we pay attention to Sunye who keeps peeking from the kitchen.” She pointed to the kitchen entrance. Everyone turned and saw Sunye quickly move away to escape their view. A small burst of laughter followed. “They bought dinner for us so let’s at least thank them by eating on time,” Hyoyeon continued. “After that, we can settle this back at our lodge.” “I agree,” Jessica said. “We’ll be able to let everything out there.” She shot Yuri a glance. Though no one else saw, Yuri nodded. She got Jessica’s hint. “I’ll go look for Taeng. We’ll meet you guys in the kitchen.” “What about Yoong and Seobaby? Where are they?” Tiffany asked. “They’re back at the lodge fixing our things,” Sunny answered. Sooyoung’s hand was no longer on her shoulder. “Shouldn’t we call them over, too?” “Good point,” Hyoyeon said. “I’ll do it.” The others were already on their way to the kitchen and Yuri was already nearing the front door when Hyoyeon called out again to announce: “Guys! Another person already has our lodge!” “What the heck?!” Sooyoung blurted out. “Not another trespassing issue!” “No, no. Technically, the lodge isn’t ours anymore, remember?” “Ah! You’re right. We returned the keys and—” “So what now?” Jessica asked. “I guess we can ask Sunye if we can—” “Wait,” Hyoyeon cut Yuri off. “Yoong said that person is offering to let us stay there.” “Aish. I told her not to talk to strangers,” Jessica mumbled. “That’s a good start,” Sunny commented. “I’m okay with it. Aren’t you guys?” “No,” Jessica immediately replied. She turned around. “Yuri, get over there and talk some sense into your dongsaeng. She might get herself into trouble again.” “Okay,” Yuri replied. “Someone else should look for Taeng then.” Tiffany raised her hand. “I’ll do it.”

“Fine. But don’t go running off again, okay?” Jessica reminded. She looked serious. “I won’t.”

Yuri and Tiffany vanished through the door and then parted ways once they set foot on the sand.

Where did you run off to now, TaeTae? Tiffany thought as she walked. The path she chose to take was the one she and Sunmi were on earlier. Despite the arrival of evening and the slight dimming of her surroundings, she could still make out the landmarks. The palm trees were a big help.

Under the same trees – they were located at a spot a bit farther away from Tiffany – stood unnie and dongsaeng, pretend appa and pretend daughter.

“You’re supposed to be with Tiffany unnie.” “I know.” “Then why did you drag me out here, unnie?” “Because I didn’t get a chance to talk to you this morning. I really wanted to talk to you, but Sohee was a bit too…uh… pissed.” “She doesn’t mean to be. She just worries.” “Yeah. I could see that. She did ask me to leave you alone.” “And she asked me to stay away from you, too.” “But should we really?” Sunmi shrugged. She was once again near the edge. The cliff seemed to be a popular spot that day. “I owe you a lot,” Taeyeon said. “I want to thank you, too, unnie. You really gave me a chance, you know?” “And you gave me one, too.” “I’m sorry if I pushed you, unnie.” “And I’m sorry if I held on to you too tightly.”

Sunmi wrapped her arms around her Taeyeon unnie and held her only as close as they needed to be. She trusted that Taeyeon had learned to become more observant so she did not utter a word. After all, she had repeatedly mentioned why her apologies were in order. She asked Taeyeon to lie, to play pretend. She offered Taeyeon an irresistible illusion, the easy way out, her own half-baked idea of what love could be. The moment she suggested it, she had already desecrated the thought of love, the simplest form of giving available to humankind, and then replaced it with the material, asked for it to be covered in secrets and had Taeyeon deliver. Ultimately, she deprived Taeyeon of the will to fight, the

desire to stay true to what her love for Tiffany really was. There was still a drop of that honesty somewhere when they talked over lunch. But she chose to overlook it.

“If I had known you would trust me so much then I should’ve just encouraged you to tell her, unnie.” “That would’ve still taken you a long time.” “I don’t care. It would’ve been better than asking you to lie. Even the happiness you said you felt could’ve been a lie. You were living a dream, unnie. And I’m the one who asked you to.” “You’re the one who’s waking me up right now, too, aren’t you?” “Let’s just hope that it isn’t too late then.” Taeyeon did not reply. Shortly afterwards, she was released and she was once again face to face with her dongsaeng. “Please tell her you love her, unnie. Tell her the truth. You can do it.” Taeyeon shrugged. “Remember what I told you about saying it? Now that you’ve experienced how it feels to lose her, don’t you at least want her to feel how good it is to hear it? Even if she leaves again, she won’t be able to shake it off. She’ll hear it everywhere she goes anyway. And I bet that each and every time she does, she’ll look back to when you said it. You want her to remember you, don’t you? If she finds out through your actions then there won’t be anything to talk about and you might never share a conversation with her ever again. At least, when you tell her, she can say something back. She has to! If she leaves you after that then you still have something to look back to. Do you get what I’m saying?” “Yeah. I do.” “Then you know what to do. After that, maybe my apology will make sense to her and she can forgive me.”

Taeyeon ruffled her dongsaeng’s hair and laughed. She could not believe how much of herself she saw in the kid she met so randomly. And how much of herself she lost sight of while trying to look for where the real Sunmi was. Then she realized they had both been lost.

Without a word, they started walking back to the sixth lodge. While Taeyeon was staring at her feet, Sunmi nudged her.

“Huh?” “Look.” Taeyeon squinted. “Hurry up, unnie.”

Without wasting another second, Taeyeon ran. “Ti-ppany! Wait!” Tiffany turned around and waved. She saw Taeyeon’s outline at once. And another familiar one. “You’re not going to leave again, are you?!” Taeyeon shouted as she ran. “No! I was looking for you!” Tiffany shouted back. The other figure seemed to be walking in the opposite direction. She took her mind off of it and waited for Taeyeon to reach her before she said anything else. “You dork! Why do you keep running off on me like that?” “I was just—I’m sorry, Ti-ppany. I didn’t… know—know what to—” Tiffany smiled. “Breathe, TaeTae. Breathe.” Taeyeon followed. Her eyes widened as she took in a big breath. “There.” Tiffany patted her friend’s back. “Better?” Taeyeon nodded. “I didn’t know what to say when I saw you. I’m sorry.” Tiffany shook her head. “It’s okay. I’m the one who’s sorry. They said I made you worry.” “Of course I worried! You just left! What were you thinking?!” “They’ve asked me that too many times,” Tiffany mumbled. “What was that?” Tiffany took both of Taeyeon’s hands and held them tightly in between her own. Then she stared into Taeyeon’s eyes. “I said they’ve asked me that too many times. I thought you would be different.” “Different? How?” “Like this.”

Tiffany released Taeyeon’s hands and pulled her into an embrace instead. She longed for that warmth and she expected Taeyeon to be the first one to give it to her. It pained her that she noticed everything about Kim Taeyeon. It pained her that she noticed as tiny a detail as a scent.

“What did Sunmi say?” she asked. “Sunmi? I don’t—” “Please don’t lie to me, TaeTae.”

Taeyeon closed her eyes. She raised her arms to pull Tiffany closer, until she could feel her heart beat twice as hard: against her chest, up to Tiffany’s and back. That was how close they were, how fixed they were in each other’s arms, like a perfect shape.

“She hugged you just now, didn’t she?” Tiffany continued to ask. “For the last time,” Taeyeon replied. “I’m sorry to hear that.” “Don’t be. You didn’t do anything.”

“I talked to her awhile ago. Did she tell you?” “No. She didn’t.” “She told me you had something to tell me, though.” “Yeah. I do.” “Then what is it?” “Why don’t we go back to the others for now? They have lots to tell you first. Plus, you’re being unfair.” “Me? Unfair?” “Yeah. You’re the one who left. I’m supposed to ask you why.” Tiffany lifted her head to giggle and then lowered it again to rest her chin on the nook of Taeyeon’s neck. “I really, really thought you would be different, TaeTae.” “You can’t ask me to not worry about you, you know? That’s impossible.” “That’s almost the same thing as what you said about hurting me. You said you would never do it.” “I did. Why? Did I? Was I the reason you left?” Tiffany did not answer at once. She slowly let her arms fall to her sides to release Taeyeon and took a step back. Then she took a breath and cupped Taeyeon’s face. “Let’s exchange. It’s a secret for a secret.” “A what?” “Tell me what you’re supposed to tell me and I’ll tell you what I’m supposed to tell you.” “That depends. Who goes first?” “You should go first.” “Ehh!” “Yah! Kim Taeyeon! A lot of people already know what yours is! It’s really unfair that I’m the only one who doesn’t know.” “Well, no one knows what yours is so it would save more time if you announce it first.” Tiffany’s hands left Taeyeon’s cheeks and landed on her hips. With a frown she said: “That’s so unfair!” “No it isn’t!” Taeyeon argued. Tiffany pushed Taeyeon back. “Yes it is!” Taeyeon burst into laughter. “You’re being so unreasonable about this!” “So are you!” “Do you want to toss a coin instead?” “I get tails!” “Fine.”

Silence.

“You don’t have a coin, do you?” Tiffany asked. Taeyeon scratched her head. “No. Do you?” “Nope.”

They laughed it off, like they always do. They met each other’s eyes and then looked away after feeling the awkwardness creep in. Something changed. They could not determine what it was just yet, but it was there. Just as Taeyeon broke off from Sunmi, she tore herself apart from something she had always shared with Tiffany. Still, it remained unknown.

While the two reunited friends were once again hand-in-hand, back to feeling their love of intertwining their fingers, a few others were parting. They did not even have a chance to know how each other’s hands felt like, how similar or different they were.

“Thanks for the offer, but I think we’re staying over at our friends’ lodge instead,” Yuri said. “Ah. Okay then. It was nice meeting you guys.” “You, too, Eunjung unnie. Tell Hyomin we left already.” “All right. Uh, do you need help with those bags?” “No. Yoong can take the rest anyway.” Eunjung laughed. “Yoona? With those thin arms?” “Yeah. Believe it or not. Anyway, we’ll see you around. Have fun on your first night.” “Thanks.”

Yuri took the few remaining bags while Yoona took most. They turned to wave goodbye.

“Take care!” Eunjung called out. “We will, unnie!” Yoona screamed back. Eunjung stopped waving when Yuri, Yoona and Seohyun were starting to disappear from view. “Oh wait! I just have to say this!” Yoona added. Eunjung heard it as she was opening the door and screamed back: “Huh? What is it?” “Tell Hyomin unnie that she looks like my Sica unnie!” “Who?” “Never mind her, Eunjung unnie!” Seohyun quickly answered. It was nice meeting you! Good night!” “Oh! Okay!”

The screaming fest came to an end. Yuri was secretly laughing to herself. At this rate, I can replace Sica any time. Aish. Look-alikes…

CHAPTER 48 Dinner was okay. She ate a lot and her friends talked a lot.

The glances she exchanged with Tiffany in between every spoonful had her craving for a little more. She did not know what was driving her toward such thoughts, but she let herself fall into them. She missed having them. She missed feeling the need to stare at Tiffany while she chewed and she missed being discreet about it.

She knew that the day was drawing to a close, that the sixth day would soon be a thing of the past. She was grateful that her friends wanted to make it more memorable, at least.

“Chicken!!” “Yah! It’s dark! We can’t do that!” “Aw, come on, unnie!!”

Yoona and Sooyoung were once again in the middle of a heated debate. For both of them it was a serious as knowing the stock market. Realistically, and for the others, it was downright ridiculous.

“Sohee-ah! Want some sunblock?” Sunmi teased as she held the bottle. “Harhar,” Sohee replied with a raised eyebrow. “You’re so funny.” Sunmi giggled as she disposed of the bottle. Then she smiled. “Just kidding. Come on. Relax.” “I know, I know. Wanna go try swimming?” Sunmi bit her lower lip. “Uh…” A menacing smile formed on Sohee’s lips. “Ah. You’re scared, aren’t you?” “N-no. No, I’m not.” “Oh but you are!” “Nuh-uh!” “All right, kids. Break it up,” Ye Eun said as she came in between the two. “If you’re going swimming, though, count me in.” “I don’t really want to,” Sunmi replied. “Then why did you come out here all dressed up to go swimming?” Sohee asked with her hands on her waist.

“I dunno. Sunye unnie told me to change so I changed. Besides, I’m… a little less embarrassed wearing this swimsuit ‘cause no one can see me that well tonight.” “Aish… I’m gonna go get a flashlight and point it at you until you go swimming with me!” “Sohee-ah! Please don’t!” Ye Eun watched her dongsaengs in amusement. She turned her head when she saw something shine from the corner of her eye. “Hey Jessica!” she called out. “Yes?” Jessica replied, waving from a distance. “Get over here!”

Jessica walked toward the trio. She took small steps and was slightly hunched. Even with her exposed bikini-clad body, her yawning caught most of the attention.

“Yes?” Jessica asked again. “Do you mind taking a picture of these two?” Ye Eun asked, pointing to Sunmi and Sohee. “Oh. Sure thing,” Jessica replied. She turned the digital camera on and then stared at Sunmi and Sohee. “So should I just shoot?” “Make sure you turn the flash on,” Ye Eun mumbled. Then she giggled. “Ehh! Unnie!” Sunmi protested, already hugging herself in a desperate attempt to cover her body. “Let’s go. Let’s get this over with.” Sohee pulled Sunmi closer by the arm so they could form a pose. “Cheese!~” Sunmi’s lips curved into a smile despite the embarrassment she felt upon coming into contact with Sohee’s bare flesh as well as having Jessica, of all people, take her first picture with a bikini on. The bright flash caused her to see little dots. She rubbed her eyes.

“All done!” Jessica happily announced. “You guys are so cute!” “Hee~ Thanks, Jessica,” Ye Eun said. Jessica nodded. “No problem. If you want, you can borrow the camera.” “Ah. Really? Thanks.” “Sure thing. I think I’m going to bed early anyway,” Jessica said. She handed the camera over. Ye Eun accepted. “Yeah. I could kinda see you yawning awhile ago.” Jessica giggled. “Sorry about that.” “Nah. I totally understand. Take care on your way back. I think Yoobin unnie has the keys.” “Okay. Thanks.”

Jessica left for where Sunye and Yoobin were. They had laid out the beach blanket and were lying on it, facing the stars. She silently hoped she could drag Yuri into doing something as romantic as that.

“Uh… Yoobin unnie?” Yoobin sat up. “Ah. Jessica. What is it?” “I think I’m going to turn in early. May I have the keys?” “The keys—Sunye! Wake up!” Jessica watched as Yoobin shook Sunye by the shoulders. “Eh… Huh?” went a tiny moan. “Where are the keys?” Yoobin asked. Sunye rubbed her eyes and then yawned. “I gave them to Yuri awhile ago… I think.” “Aish. Are you sure?” Sunye’s eyes were closing again. She rolled on her side, facing Yoobin. “Uh-huh…” Yoobin sighed and then turned to Jessica. “Sorry about that. She’s just really tired.” “It’s okay. Why don’t we take her to the lodge so she can rest properly?” Yoobin blinked, stole a glance at the sleeping Sunye and then got back to Jessica. “Yeah. Maybe later. We’ll carry her back in awhile. You should go find Yuri if you want the keys.” “Ah. Right. Thanks, unnie.”

She left to continue with the search. A few thoughts crossed her mind: finally getting some sleep, being all alone in someone else’s room, wanting to break that loneliness, having Yuri by her side. It did not take her long to find her friends doing something silly again.

“Like this, unnie?” Seohyun asked Sunny, pertaining to her work on the sand. “Yes,” Sunny answered. “Good job.” “Yah! I told you that this has to be flat!” Hyoyeon screamed, pointing at what Seohyun had finished. “Nuh-uh!” Sunny screamed back. “It has to be pointed so the monsters can’t get in! It’s common sense, Hyo!” “But how can the soldiers get to the tower if it’s all deadly?!” “That’s the point! They don’t need to go to the tower!” “Soldiers are the key factor here, Soonkyu!” “Tower defense!” “Soldiers!” “Pointy towers!” “Hunky soldiers!” “Towers!” “Soldiers!” “GUYS!!”

Silence.

The waves roared. Splash.

“What is it, Sica unnie?” Yoona asked in place of everyone who was scared to do so. “Where’s Yuri-ah?” “Ah. I think she went back to the lodge already, unnie. She said she was sleepy.” Jessica frowned. “Is she okay? Did she get hurt?” “No. I think she’s just really tired.” “Ah. I’ll go check up on her then.” Yoona grinned. “Okay. Have fun.” Jessica threw her dongsaeng a glare and then raised an eyebrow. “What is that thing on your face?” “Huh?” Sunny, Hyoyeon and Seohyun giggled. “That thing,” Jessica said once more, pointing at that spot above Yoona’s lips but below the nose. Yoona stared down at where Jessica was pointing, making her appear cross-eyed. “Oh!” she exclaimed. “It’s a seaweed moustache!” “A seaweed what now?” “Moustache, unnie! It’s my disguise!” “Disguise for what?” “Cute dongsaeng by day, sand castle contest judge by night! It’s… drum roll please… nanananana!! Super Yoong!” The other three burst out laughing. “Where did you get it?!” Jessica shouted as she approached her dongsaeng to flick the dark green entity away. Yoona quickly shielded herself. “Unnie! No! I worked so hard to steal this from that crab!” “I don’t care! It might be dirty!” “It isn’t! I washed it when a wave came rolling by!” “Yah! That’s even worse. Come here!” While Yoona was running around, trying to avoid Jessica’s hands, Sooyoung had just arrived with Taeyeon and Tiffany. “Yoongie-poo~” Tiffany cheerfully called out. “We’re done with our—What the heck? Jessi!” “Take. It. Off!!” Jessica ordered. She had successfully cornered her dongsaeng against the ground. Yoona whimpered. “Tiffany unnie!”

Tiffany gasped and then rushed over to her helpless dongsaeng. “Sica unnie is being mean,” Yoona muttered, pouting. Jessica frowned. She had conveniently put herself in a sitting position on Yoona’s stomach. “Silly Yoong,” she mumbled. “Jessi, get off!” Tiffany said. “You’re crushing her.” “No, I’m not,” Jessica replied, hands already in position over Yoona’s face. “Don’t take the moustache away, unnie!” Yoona pleaded. “I’ll wash it again! With mineral water!” “Omo! What’s that thing on your face, Yoong?!” Tiffany blurted out. “See?” Jessica said. “It’s hideous! Help me get it off of her!” “No!” Yoona cried out. Tiffany had joined the struggle.

Thin as she was, Yoona’s limbs were firm enough to hit pressure points right at the middle, right where it would hurt. There were more than a few shrill cries from Tiffany and Jessica as they tried to force their dongsaeng to give her ‘disguise’ up. Sand flew everywhere. Laughter echoed all around.

“What does seaweed have to do with being a judge anyway?” Jessica said as she tried to keep her dongsaeng still. She was still sitting on Yoona’s stomach. “Every judge has a moustache!” Yoona argued. “Look at that guy from the Monopoly game thing!” “He’s not a judge!” Tiffany said. “He’s just a rich old man!” “Ehh! But he’s so cool!” Jessica sighed. “If you suddenly get skin rashes don’t come running to me,” she told Yoona. Then she stood up and brushed the sand off of her legs and arms. Yoona quickly sat up. “Sica unnie… please don’t be mad.” “I’m not mad. I’m worried.” Yoona grinned. “Hee~” “I’m gonna go back to the lodge now. I’m sleepier than ever.” “Sweet dreams, Jessi~” Tiffany said with a wave as she stood up. “Good night, Sica unnie,” Yoona added.

Jessica left her friends and headed back to the sixth lodge. It was only then that the others could get a word in.

“That was some rumble,” Sooyoung said. “All for the seaweed. Tsk,” Hyoyeon added. “Aw, Yoong took it off already,” Sunny said, pointing at her dongsaeng’s face. Yoona smiled. “I didn’t think Sica unnie would jump on me like that. Whew.”

“And neither did I know that Ti-ppany knew that guy from Monopoly,” Taeyeon said. Then she laughed. “Hey! I play board games, too, you know?” Tiffany defended. “Yes. Like snakes and ladders, unnie,” Seohyun said. “Not Monopoly.” “Aish. Seobaby, I’ve been gone for a day and you’ve changed this much?” Tiffany told her dongsaeng. “Oh you have no idea,” Hyoyeon commented. She hid a few snickers. “Hey!” Sunny raised her hand. “Yoong should name a winner now! TaeFany’s sand castle is finished! Go go go!” “TaeFany?” Taeyeon said, almost round-mouthed. She glanced at Tiffany, who just shrugged in response. “Your names are too long,” Sunny said. “Now let’s get on to the judging~”

Now back with her egg-shaped head and clear, white face, Yoona looked carefully at how Sooyoung, Taeyeon and Tiffany constructed their sand castle. Theirs took up a lot of space, a big rectangle by the waves, but it was not that high. If Yoona were to measure, it would only reach up to half of her lower legs. The shape, though, was intricate, and it made up for the lack of height. There were no towers and it seemed like inspiration was drawn from how pyramids were built. It was not an exact triangle. It was more of a long, 3D trapezoid, like how children would draw the roofs of their houses. On top of the trapezoid was another trapezoid, only smaller. And on top of that one was another smaller one. When viewed while crouching it would appear like a set of steps. On each trapezoid, or small step, there were semi circles, like little huts and on the huts’ sides were little windows. At the edges of the largest trapezoid, or the bottom step, were thick pillars with engravings similar to that of Roman buildings. And finally, the wall that surrounded the petite construction was round, encompassing, with tiny balls on top of it, evenly spaced.

“This is so cool, unnies,” Yoona said. She had crouched down to view it more closely. “But you shouldn’t have made it so close to the waves. It might get washed away.” “Yeah,” Hyoyeon said. “That would be a waste. I told you to build it right next to ours, remember?” “If we did then it would dry too fast and it would crumble,” Sooyoung replied. “That’s why we built it here so we can get lots of water faster.” “Ah. I see. Hey, Sunny!” “Yes?” Sunny replied. “What if ours is crumbling already?” Sunny smiled. “Don’t worry. That’s why I left Seohyun there. Her tumblers really do wonders… Oooh! Wonder Tumblers!” Everyone laughed.

“That is so random, Soonkyu,” Sooyoung said. She expected a glare in return. “Yeah, I know,” Sunny answered. This time, with another smile. “Hey, wait. Where’s Taengoo?” “And Tiffany unnie, too,” Yoona added.

The two had sneaked away. Again. Hand-in-hand. Laughing. Making footprints. The last time they shared a moment like that seemed so long ago. Five days ago, to be exact. And the clock was ticking.

“TaeFany,” Tiffany mumbled. “It has a nice ring to it, right?” “Uh…” “What’s wrong, TaeTae?” “Nothing. I was just wondering.” “About?” “How you’ve changed.” “Ah. So you noticed.” Taeyeon nodded. “Do you think it’s a good thing I left then?” Tiffany asked. Taeyeon shook her head. “You scared me. You made me do lots of stupid things.” Tiffany laughed and then she gripped Taeyeon’s hand tighter. “You always do stupid things, silly. I’m the one who’s new to doing these kinds of things.” “And you shouldn’t get used to it!” “I know, I know.”

They kept walking. Tiffany would open her mouth once in awhile to say ‘TaeFany’ again and then she would laugh afterwards while Taeyeon would smile and pretend that she did not just see something under Tiffany’s bright pink bikini. It was awfully distracting. They were nearing the sixth lodge when an unexpected character passed them by. He had a shirt on this time around. Probably on his way back from work.

“Oppa!” Tiffany called out, waving. “Tiffany! Taeyeon!” Siwon waved back. Taeyeon sighed as Siwon approached them. “So you guys came back,” he told Taeyeon with a wide smile. Taeyeon nodded. “I’m glad to hear that you’re all together again. Hmm… but what are you doing out here at this time of night? It’s late.” “Well, we were bored so we decided to go night swimming,” Tiffany replied. Siwon stared at both girls from head to toe. “But you aren’t wet.”

“Ah. Yeah. Well… the water’s kinda cold.” Siwon chuckled. “Right. I guess it is. And it’s dangerous.” “That’s what I said,” Taeyeon mumbled. Tiffany giggled upon hearing it and then turned her attention back to Siwon. “Yeah. TaeTae said that, too.” Siwon paused. He took time to look at his dongsaengs and then swallowed. He still managed to put on a smile. “Well, I better get going. It’s nice to see you guys still hanging around here.” “You, too,” Tiffany replied. Taeyeon added a nod. Siwon extended his arm; Tiffany took his hand and shook it. “Good luck, Tiffany,” he said. Tiffany replied with a bright smile. “Thank you, oppa.”

Siwon left after that. Tiffany was once again playing with the idea of ‘TaeFany.’

“TaeFany…TaeTif? TifTae? TaengNy? TaeNy?” “Ti-ppany?” “What?” “I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

Silence.

Taeyeon waited for Tiffany’s reply. At that moment, she had realized what she had broken away from. That unknown factor she no longer shared with Tiffany. We can’t go back. Never. It was at that moment, at that one spot on the beach near the sixth lodge that she admitted to having lost their friendship. She could not feel it anymore. It was not the same: their stares, their hand-holding, their embraces, the way they spent their time together. The fine line had been broken and she found herself lusting over Tiffany’s body, pleading to get a little bit more.

That was not how it was before. That was not how she began wanting Tiffany. Yes. It started with that ‘cute butt’ as she mentioned, but more than that, it was their time together that she treasured. She loved getting the feeling of butterflies in her stomach. She loved seeing Tiffany smile. She loved hearing Tiffany talk. She thought she loved everything that was Tiffany Hwang. Now, there was no time. There were no butterflies. She had to feed the snakes in her body with other thoughts, clean ones, just so her breathing would slow down, just so her hands would stay still. Tiffany’s smile was no longer enough, either. She gulped while she thought of those lips against hers, while she thought of nibbling on them. And she no longer wanted to talk. What she wanted was beyond her, beyond Tiffany as well.

But first, she had to make sure no one was in the way.

“I think we should talk inside,” Tiffany said. “But Yuri and Jessica—” “We’ll find a spot.”

They entered the sixth lodge. Surprisingly, the door was open.

“Ah. Hi there,” Yoobin greeted. “Oh. Yoobin unnie,” Taeyeon said. Suddenly, she understood why the door was not locked. “Is Sunye okay?” Tiffany asked, pointing at the sleeping Sunye whose head was positioned on Yoobin’s lap. “Yeah,” Yoobin answered. “I just got tired of carrying her and couldn’t make it to our room.” She laughed. “Are you guys turning in already?” “No,” Taeyeon answered. “In awhile, maybe.” “Oh. I guess I have to fix the rooms then.” Taeyeon shook her head. “No. It’s okay. We’ll sleep here instead.” “Yeah,” Tiffany added. “We’re used to couches anyway. We’ll help you carry Sunye to your room.” “No, no,” Yoobin said. “You guys are guests. You should use the rooms. Wait here while I go fix them, okay?”

Yoobin slowly lifted Sunye’s head from her lap and then let it land gently on the couch. Then she went off to fix the rooms just as she said, leaving Taeyeon and Tiffany alone in the living room.

“Uh… Should we talk here?” Tiffany asked. “No. Sunye might wake up. Let’s try the kitchen.”

Taeyeon pulled Tiffany toward the kitchen. Her breathing was unsteady again. More so when she met Jessica’s eyes. What the hell?

Tiffany was still. Too still that Taeyeon felt her pulse just by holding her hand. She cleared her throat. Yuri turned in shock.

“Oh. You’re back already,” went the desperate save. Jessica was a bit calmer. She removed her arms from Yuri’s waist and then side-stepped.

“Are we interrupting something?” Taeyeon asked. She was watching Tiffany from the corner of her eye as she spoke. “Not at all. We were just talking,” Yuri replied. “Right, Sica?” “Right,” Jessica answered. “Were you thinking of using this space, too? Sorry if we’re crowding it.” Tiffany shook her head. “No. We were just passing by. Uh… I’m gonna take a shower for awhile. It really itches… uh, the sand, I mean,” she said. Obviously, in shock. She let go of Taeyeon’s hand and headed back to the living room. “Taeng… say something,” Yuri said. She sounded as if she was pleading, apologizing, something that involved pity.

Taeyeon shook her head. She found it unfair. She wanted to go after Tiffany, hold her tight and help her erase what they just saw. It took mere seconds before she scrapped the idea when she realized that she did not have anything worth saying.

“Go after Tiffany for me, will you?” Jessica turned to the grimacing Yuri. “I’ll talk to Taeng.” Being the obedient one, Yuri nodded and started walking. She held her emotions back as she passed Taeyeon. I’m sorry you had to see that. “Taeng, say something,” Jessica repeated Yuri’s words. She approached her silent friend. “Stop being unfair, Sica,” Taeyeon replied with her head down. “No one is being unfair.” Taeyeon shook her head again, clenching her fists. “You asked me to stay away from—”

She could not say Tiffany’s name. She could not complete ‘Stay away from’ with the name she had long since etched in her heart. She breathed in a new batch of air, hoping it would somehow clear her mind. It didn’t.

She continued: “You pair me up with someone else… You tell me to give up… and then what? You get your girl?” “Yuri and I want this, Taeng. I didn’t think you’d see us like that.”

A hundred stabs landed on the surface of Taeyeon’s heart. The other thousand that came before had already buried themselves deep, deep inside. She was trying to mentally heal herself. The image – Yuri and Jessica going beyond hand-holding, close to doing what she was aching to do – was the only hindrance to the imaginary first aid kit.

“I’m sorry.”

Jessica wrapped Taeyeon in a warm blanket of apologies. Her arms were soft enough to fall into, her heartbeat fast enough for Taeyeon to believe that her concern was real. She could not lie. She did want Yuri. She did mean that she did not want Taeyeon to see them like that. She could only wish that hugging Taeyeon would do some sort of good.

“This was our choice,” Jessica said, speaking directly into Taeyeon’s ear as she held her. “And we hid it from you to protect you. Yuri wanted to protect you.” “With stupid lies. You could’ve just told me. I would’ve understood.” “No. You wouldn’t have. This is exactly why Yuri didn’t want to tell you… She doesn’t want you to see us so you’d have nothing to compare yourself to, so you won’t have something to remind you that you can’t have what you want.” Taeyeon shook her head. “I was just about to tell her… I was just about to tell her I love her, Sica.” “But she ran away.” The truth struck Taeyeon hard. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” “No. It’s better than you did. You should say things like that more often… At least you’re being honest.” Jessica sighed and pulled Taeyeon closer. “Taeng, we all have to make choices. I’m happy that you decided to make yours… by deciding to tell Tiffany you love her. But for once, could you choose something that won’t hurt you?”

Taeyeon was torn. Her insides were torn, her feelings were torn, her thinking was torn. Jessica’s words were simple, but the edges of every letter were too sharp for Taeyeon’s ears. The tips of the ‘T’ in Tiffany’s name poked holes into her being. Unexpectedly, the thin ‘i’ was razor-sharp. It sliced her hopes in half and left a small dot to mark the remains. The dismembered hopes hung on the hook of the ‘f’ followed by another hooked ‘f’ that carried them into the mouth of the ‘a.’ Taeyeon’s hopes and dreams fell into the tiny hole and they reached the dark insides of the ‘n’ where uncertainty lurked. ‘Y’ was the only thing left. Why? Taeyeon thought. Why did every letter of Tiffany’s name have to scratch the last of her defenses, leaving her with no other form of shelter or escape except Jessica’s arms?

“You know I’d choose her anytime,” Taeyeon replied. Her clenched fists softened. She hugged Jessica back, warming her bikini-clad self. It just had to happen that way. She just had to be struck with the truth while wearing nothing but a mere two-piece to protect her. It became even more unfair.

“I know you’d choose her anytime, but then what? What are you going to do about it when she just keeps running away? Stay with her with those unreturned feelings, stay and hold yourself back, or just walk away?”

Taeyeon shook her head once more. Her hair gathered in front of her face, messy and irritating. She did not care. She was messed up in the head right then anyway. And all she could do was hold on helplessly to Jessica’s firm stature. I could use an ear-piercing sound right around now. Or just hear her say my name. She drowned in her thoughts.

Jessica sighed. She closed her eyes and stroked Taeyeon’s back to be comforting. She knew it would not do anything special, but it was better than keeping still. At least, she could make Taeyeon feel that her presence was there as a moving, breathing, living other. At least, she could tell Taeyeon that she was not alone.

In the living room, no one suspected anything amiss. Yoobin had finished cleaning the rooms and was back attending to the sleeping Sunye. She had enough energy to carry her friend to the bed in Sohee’s room, but decided to wait a little bit longer. She wanted to take a shower so she decided to wait for Tiffany to finish. She did not ask questions the moment Yuri darted past her and then toward the bathroom. Clueless as she was, the cold floor under her feet was no different from the bathroom door Yuri was resting her forehead on.

Tiffany had not said anything in the past fifteen minutes.

“Tiffany, I’m sorry.” There was still no response. “I know it wasn’t right. Say something. Please?”

The water that spewed from the shower sounded like it was shooing Yuri away. She saved her voice, sat down by the door and leaned back on it. Tiffany was bound to come out sooner or later and she was willing to wait. She had to fix things somehow. Tiffany’s eyes took on a darker shade of grey the moment she turned away from Jessica’s lips and saw them. They seemed sad.

“Yuri, I can’t open the door.” Yuri collected herself, stood up, took a step back from the door and waited for Tiffany to face her. She did not know the exact words to say, but she had to say something. “Tiffany…”

Tiffany was already in pajamas. She dried the ends of her hair with her towel and stared at the wall next to her, easily avoiding eye-contact with Yuri. “Why do you still need to talk to me about this, Yuri?” “I just want to clear things out. You caught us at a bad time.”

“I didn’t see…” Tiffany cleared her throat, closed her eyes for around two seconds and opened them again. She wished she did not see anything. “Did you plan to tell us about the two of you?”

Yuri hung her head low. They were supposed to sit down and talk. All nine of them. Only, they put it off until their last day.

“Are you going to stop me?” Yuri asked. “Do you want me to stop you?” “I don’t know. What would you do? Would you follow the stupid voice in your head? Or stick with what you believe in? Just go on with what you’ve been telling yourself since you were old enough to think for yourself?”

They shared a long silence. The thought of someone passing by crossed their minds, but they did not have enough space in their heads to care. As of then, it was just them and the question. The answer was yet to be found.

“It’s your choice,” Tiffany said. Her towel draped over her shoulder. “It’s not a matter of following something. It’s about doing what you want. You want her that bad? Go get her. She’s right there, isn’t she?”

To Yuri, Tiffany’s eyes were still grey. They grew transparent the more she kept silent. Or maybe it was because of her tears. She took a breath. The pain in her nostrils reached the middle of her head, splitting her conscience in two. The bathroom light reached her, exposing the tear tracks on her cheeks. Her legs seemed to move on their own. In a matter of seconds, she was right in front of Tiffany, sobbing

“Would you really tell yourself that? Would you really go for what you want?”

The small amount of space between them had Tiffany thinking twice. “You know what’s so hard about believing, Yuri?” she said.

Yuri shook her head.

“You don’t know if it’s real. Part of you says you believe it because it’s true and it’s unquestionable. Then the other part says you just want to believe or worse… that you need to. Faith is just strange sometimes. I hold on to it as tightly as I can because it’s the only thing that won’t crumble.”

Yuri kept silent. She knew Tiffany’s resolve was that strong. It could not be broken. Or so she thought.

Tiffany continued. “It’s the only thing that won’t crumble because it’s something I can’t piece together in the first place. It’s just there. Am I still making sense?” She paused then answered her own question. “Probably not. Hey, I’m going to sleep now. It’s been a long day.”

She hugged Yuri tight, gave her friend some warmth. Then she wiped Yuri’s tears with her towel. “You don’t need anyone’s approval. Especially mine,” she said. Then she left.

Late evening had arrived and the seventh day was nearing. She thanked Yoobin for cleaning the room and letting them use it. When she opened the door, she found that Taeyeon had already changed into pajamas and was already under the covers. What she did not see was her TaeTae’s first tear for the day, her desperate need for that ear-piercing sound. Or maybe for someone to say her name.

“TaeTae, still awake?” she asked.

Hands on each other’s waists, noses brushing, and eyes in perfect line, lips just seconds away from touching – it was an image that woke Taeyeon up. It worked better than her stinky hands on their second day. Somehow, she wished she didn’t pull Tiffany to the kitchen to talk about how Tiffany knew Siwon. We could’ve stayed in the living room. We could’ve just whispered so Sunye wouldn’t wake up.

Tiffany drew closer to the blanket-covered Taeyeon. Her chest tightened. I’m crazy, she thought. She slipped into the covers, snuggled next to Taeyeon as if it was the most natural thing in the world to her. It probably was. Or at least one out of the list.

“I’m sorry I left you like that, TaeTae,” she whispered. “Left me when?” Taeyeon replied in a mumble. “The first time or awhile ago?”

Tiffany put an arm over Taeyeon, rested her forehead on Taeyeon’s back and sighed. “It won’t ever happen again.”

CHAPTER 49 The seventh day had come and everyone was exhausted.

“Please tell her you love her, unnie. Tell her the truth. You can do it.”

Taeyeon woke up to a stack of pillows and a neatly folded blanket. She was still rolled on her side but facing the other direction. She should have been face to face with Tiffany if she had woken up earlier. She closed her eyes again, felt regret coming on. She didn’t leave again, did she? Tsk.

She did not move. Only her eyes travelled across the room, or at least around that space she could take in due to her eye-span. If Tiffany indeed left, she wanted to be the one who finds her. Then again, the phrase kept ringing in her ears: “Five more minutes…”

It felt like waking up for school, like she was given another day just so she could fulfill something required: running after Tiffany. It had gotten tiring. If possible, she did not want to engage in the activity any longer. Unfortunately, she still had not graduated from feeling something a little extra for Miss Hwang. The pressure was killing her.

She could not feel the bed under her, or any other part of her body for that matter. She could not remember how she slept, either. After hearing Tiffany speak, she did not reply. Vaguely, she recalled the weight of Tiffany’s arm and feeling Tiffany’s forehead on her back. That was it.

She sighed and then tried to get up. It shocked her when she was unable to. What the hell?

“Mmnn…”

She looked over her shoulder and her eyes widened. “Fany-ah…” she mumbled.

A pair of eyes opened. Slowly. “TaeTae?”

Taeyeon wiggled, just to further wake Tiffany up. She felt Tiffany’s arm rise afterwards, freeing her of the weight that caused her upper body to go numb. Then she sat up to eye the girl that had switched positions with her on the bed. “Ti-ppany,” she said while tapping Tiffany’s arm, “wake up. Why are you all dressed up like that?” “The… what now?” Tiffany muttered, still half-asleep from the looks of it. “Dressed up! You’re not in your pajamas anymore!”

“Huh?” “Aish.” Taeyeon lied back down. She stared at the ceiling and then turned her head to face Tiffany again. Did something happen last night? I didn’t undress her, did I? She giggled. The thought was impossible, too far from reality.

“I didn’t, right?” she asked Tiffany.

There was no response.

She tried to go back to sleep. She closed her eyes, tried to imagine something to dream about, grabbed a pillow and hugged it. Nothing. She sat up again and observed how Tiffany was breathing. When was the last time I saw you sleep?

It was then that she realized how happy she should have been and how much apologizing she had to do. I’m the one who left you first. Over and over. I’m sorry. She circled Tiffany’s cheek with her finger. Soft. Then she smiled. She remembered what she told Jessica once. What matters is how long you stay, Miyoung-ah.

But she had something she had to do. Whatever the result, she had to accept. If she had to leave again then she would. It was not the kind of decision Jessica wanted her to make. It was not the kind that would not hurt her. Still, she wanted to take it. If it meant going back to a drama-deprived life then she wanted to. More than ever.

“Rise and shine,” she whispered. Tiffany stirred. “Let’s go, Miyoung,” she said while shaking Tiffany’s shoulder. “Let’s get breakfast.” “Ehh…” “Aren’t you hungry?” Tiffany shook her head. She was squinting. “Okay. Let’s sleep a bit longer then.” Tiffany nodded and then smiled. She rolled on her side and then tugged on Taeyeon’s arm. They returned to the positions they took the night before: side by side. Even.

One had left and one was deciding to stay.

They went for another round of sleep: Taeyeon still in her pajamas and Tiffany already in her usual short shorts and pink shirt. How many clothes of the same kind she packed, no one knew. No one was supposed to care.

The seventh day had arrived. Everyone was exhausted. At the cost of a few bodies having to withstand the cold floor, most were able to recuperate from the mix of stress and relief that had befell them. They had retrieved that part of themselves that they had lost. That one common thing they shared from the beginning. Except for Kim Taeyeon, they had recovered friendship. Somehow.

“Good morning sunshine!” Tiffany greeted Taeyeon with a wide smile upon waking up a second time. She had taken comfort in putting her arm around her TaeTae whilst they slept. She was holding on, even placing herself closer to that which she once thought would burn her. Finally, a form of conviction she could be proud of.

“Morning,” Taeyeon mumbled. Despite not being able to fall back asleep at once, she experienced a deeper second round of slumber than Tiffany. “Hungry?” Tiffany asked as she brushed Taeyeon’s hair back. She had already sat up. Taeyeon was still on her back, rubbing her eyes. “A bit. You?” “Starving. Get up. Let’s eat then we can shower.” Taeyeon yawned. She blinked once or twice more. “Separate showers, I mean,” Tiffany added. Taeyeon did not seem to catch it. “Why are you already dressed?” she asked. “Me?” Tiffany pointed to herself. “Ah. Right. I forgot I already was. Hmm… I went out awhile ago.” “Where to?” “To talk to Siwon oppa.” “Oh.” A short pause. “How do you know him anyway?” Taeyeon asked. It was then or never. “He’s a family friend,” Tiffany answered. “And what is he to you?” Tiffany gave Taeyeon her eye-smile to calm the hostility she sensed in Taeyeon’s tone. “Someone I go to church with.” “Re-really?” “Yes. Really. It was pure coincidence that we saw each other here. Kinda cool, huh?” “I guess.” Tiffany nodded. “What about you? Why are you in those pajamas?”

“Uh… because they’re for sleeping?” “Don’t you feel hot, though?” Taeyeon lifted her arms to her face and noticed the long sleeves. “I didn’t notice.” “Hmm… that’s okay then,” Tiffany said. “You don’t seem to sweat a lot anyway.”

They got out of bed and exited the room. They found everyone gathered in the living room. Almost everyone.

“Good morning you two,” Sunye greeted. “Morning unnies!” Sunmi added. Another round of ‘good morning’ came from the rest of the group. All eight of them: Sunny, Sooyoung, Hyoyeon, Seohyun, Yoona, Yuri, Yoobin and Ye Eun. “Where’s Sica?” Taeyeon asked. “And Sohee?” Tiffany added. Then she laughed. “Don’t tell me they’re still sleeping.” “No,” Sunmi answered. “They went out earlier to take some pictures.” “Ha! Sica?” Taeyeon released a big laugh. “Early? Now those are two words that just don’t go well together.” Everyone laughed. “You guys should grab breakfast,” Sunny suggested. “You guys are done?” Tiffany asked. Everyone nodded. “I told you to wait for us, though.” “Don’t worry,” Hyoyeon said. “We saved that chocolate you bought from Sooyoung.” “Yah!” Sooyoung defended. “Why am I always connected to food anyway? It’s not like it’s the only thing I live for!” “But food is the reason why you’re living, unnie,” Seohyun said. Sooyoung blinked. “Good point.” “You and Taeng should have breakfast,” Yuri told Tiffany as she stood up. “We’ll wait for you guys at Heechul unnie’s.” The rest of the group stood up as well. “Yoona unnie, get up,” Seohyun hissed. “Ehh… I wanna go back to sleep.” “I’ll treat you to patbingsoo.” Yoona laughed. “Listen to yourself, Hyunnie. Bribing me and stuff.”

Taeyeon had no idea what the sudden activity was. The seventh day, being their last day, was one that she dedicated to the settling of her issues. She hoped that her friends also had the time to sit down and just talk. However, now that they had announced something to do with their Heechul unnie, she knew she would not be given the opportunity to exhaust all of her worries and concerns.

“Bye guys!” she heard their friends call out before the door closed. “What’s going on at Heechul unnie’s?” she asked. “I’ll tell you over breakfast,” Tiffany replied.

They headed for the kitchen. On the steel dining table was a big bowl.

“What is it?” Taeyeon asked. “The chocolate,” Tiffany answered. She circled the table half way to reach the refrigerator. “I just need to prepare the…” While Tiffany trailed off as she rummaged through the plates and glasses inside the refrigerator, Taeyeon examined the bowl. How big can a piece of chocolate be? Man… “What do you want to drink, TaeTae?” Tiffany asked. She had changed to a squatting position while taking out the plates of food one by one. She stood up once in awhile to settle them on the kitchen counter. “Juice, I guess,” Taeyeon answered, her eyes still on the big bowl. “Okay. Juice it is~” Taeyeon lifted the bowl’s cover and felt her mouth water. Chocolate… Yum. She smiled. “How much red bean paste on your patbingsoo?” Tiffany asked. She had moved to the sink where she was fixing the fruit and the shaved ice for the tasty dessert. “Lots,” Taeyeon answered. “More strawberries or peaches?” “Both.”

Tiffany wanted to even out the servings of each ingredient. She wanted to capture that perfect burst of flavor. Okay. More ice on this side… Half a strawberry here, mangoes on top, pineapples slices… She could have been mistaken for a chemist at work. The only thing missing was the sudden explosion of acidic chemicals and base solutions. Melon here, then milk… red bean paste. Lots and lots. Though she was unconfident with her cooking skills – that’s why she was compelled to order the main course from their Heechul unnie – she was certain that making Korea’s number one summer dessert could increase any beginner cook’s self-esteem. Indeed, it did. And she was having fun, too.

“TaeTae, what flavor of ice cream—”

She almost dropped the spoon she was stirring the ingredients with. Taeyeon was no longer by the steel dining table. She didn’t leave again, did she? Tsk.

She sighed and got back to the dessert she was making. It looked perfect: the reddish pink strawberries complemented the light, almost transparent pineapple slices; the melon’s orange flesh spread throughout the middle of the bright yellow mangoes: a sort of sunrise-sunset feel; the milk smoothened out the icy edges, making the lump look like an igloo; small bits of sweet rice cake were placed on one side as if to form a fancy hat; red bean paste was everywhere.

A scoop of ice cream was all that was missing. And right then, the beginner cook’s self-esteem was fading.

“You forgot this.” It was a tiny whisper. Tiffany looked over her shoulder and found a smiling Taeyeon. “I thought you left.” Taeyeon shook her head. “I just went to get your apron.” Tiffany turned around and saw the pink piece of cloth in Taeyeon’s hands. “You kept it. I didn’t even know where I put this.” “You left it near my bags.” “Ah.” “You must’ve been in a hurry to leave and you dropped it.” Tiffany did not reply. She turned back around to face the sink. “Put it on me then.” “Okay.”

The infamous pink apron found its way back on Tiffany’s body, with which it belonged, with which it was given a more special meaning. Taeyeon tied the back ribbon. “There. All snug and fit.” “Thanks,” Tiffany replied. She took the bowl of patbingsoo and presented it to Taeyeon. “What flavor of ice cream do you want?” “Let’s just put ‘em all.” “Ehh! That’ll ruin the balance of taste!” Taeyeon grinned and then wrinkled her nose. “Then let’s put lots and lots of chocolate on it!” Tiffany giggled, exposing those bright crescents she had for eyes. “Fine. Whatever you want.”

They approached the dining table. Tiffany settled the dessert next to the bowl of chocolate and went back to the kitchen counter to get the main dishes. The apron woke up more of the beginner cook in her. It was silly, but she took pride in that image, too.

“Oh no! The chocolate melted!” Tiffany exclaimed. Taeyeon stared into the pool of rich, brown goodness. “It’s not supposed to be melted?” “No… Oh no. What a waste.” “We can still eat it, you know? Let’s slurp it!” “But I was supposed to slice it into little pieces.” “Ah. Well, we can put it in the freezer if you want. It’ll turn hard by this afternoon, maybe.” Tiffany rubbed her chin. “Hmm… I guess that would be best.” “Or we can just slurp it!” “Yah! Kim Taeyeon!” Taeyeon laughed. “What?” “Silly, silly, silly dork!!” Taeyeon stuck her tongue out, playfully teasing. Tiffany giggled at the sight. “Here!” She pressed her finger on Taeyeon’s nose. Taeyeon gasped. “Omo!” Laughter. Tiffany dipped her finger into the bowl of chocolate once more and poked Taeyeon’s cheek with it. “Brown looks good on you!” she said. Then she laughed again. “Oh really?” Taeyeon posed, playing along. “Is it part of summer style?” “Of course! It’s a famous fashion line!” “You should have some then!!” “Yah! No!”

Red bean paste was all over Kim Taeyeon’s patbingsoo. The same went for the chocolate on both her face and Tiffany’s. ‘Team Sunye’ would not have appreciated the state of mess the sixth lodge’s kitchen was in. The laughter could have made up for it, though.

Breakfast was okay. They ate a lot. They laughed a lot. Taeyeon loved her patbingsoo.

They cleaned the kitchen afterwards, put the bowl of chocolate in the freezer and washed the dishes. After taking the separate showers Tiffany mentioned, they got dressed, folded the rest of the beddings, safely stored away the pink apron, and left. The usual hand-holding could not be observed.

“You haven’t told me what we’re supposed to do,” Taeyeon said, scratching her head. “Oh right. I totally forgot,” Tiffany replied. She fixed her grip on the box she was carrying. “Sorry. Hmm… remember that bet Teukie oppa was talking about?” “Oh no! Not that money-making contest again! You guys got talked into it again?!”

“No, no. It’s not about that anymore. Actually, the oppas teamed up for a fund-raising event.” “Ah. And you guys decided to help?” “Yeah. It could be fun. Besides, it’ll be like a bonding session for everyone. Only more productive. Siwon oppa was the one who told me about it this morning. I’m glad he suggested it.” “What did you talk to him about anyway?” “I woke up to a message he sent me this morning. Apparently, his sister is having a birthday party here tomorrow. Since we’ll be leaving by then, I had a feeling I wouldn’t be able to attend. It would’ve been rude to reject over the phone so I just asked to meet with him. His sister is a really cute, little kid. So adorable.” “Ah… So that was it.” “What did you think it was?” “I dunno. That’s why I asked.”

Silence. More walking.

“What’s in the box?” Taeyeon asked. “Art stuff. Paper, glue, paint. That kind of stuff.” “Where’d you get them?” “Hankyung oppa left it at the lodge when he delivered breakfast. It’s for decorating the event. He said we should get started with making the paper cranes so we did. Well… the others did. I was too sleepy so I went back and lied down beside you.” “I thought you left.” “Eh? Me?” “Yeah. I opened my eyes and the blanket you used was already folded. The pillows were fluffed and fixed as well.” Tiffany giggled. “I won’t leave you.”

They arrived at Heechul’s stall and found the others gathered at a long table underneath two big umbrellas. It was not until they had sat down beside their friends that they recognized the first umbrella as theirs and the next one, ‘Team Sunye’s.’

“Finally,” Sooyoung said. “What took you guys so long?” “We had to clean up,” Tiffany answered. “So that’s what they call it now, huh?” Hyoyeon said, teasing. “Did you bring the box, unnie?” Sunmi asked. She was seated at the head of the table. “Yup.”

The box was opened and a long chain of paper cranes was revealed. Sunny seemed to be the proudest among the group.

“It’s like my very own child. So, so pretty~” “I agree,” Ye Eun said. “So how many more do we have to make?” “Imagine all the palm trees in this beach,” Sunye answered. Yoobin gasped. “You can’t be serious!” “Of course I’m not serious,” Sunye replied with a big laugh. “You scared me, unnie,” Seohyun said. She had been listening as always. While the others were folding paper and painting eyes on the finished paper cranes, Taeyeon sat on one side of the table, not knowing what to do. “TaeTae,” Tiffany whispered. “What?” “I’m gonna go see Heechul unnie for awhile, okay?” “Don’t leave me here! I don’t have anything to do.” “I’ll be super quick. Promise.” “You said you wouldn’t leave me, though.” “I won’t. I meant that. Besides, I’ll just be, like, twenty meters away from this table or something. He’s standing behind the counter, you know? It’s not far.”

Without another word, Taeyeon let Tiffany go. She asked herself if holding on was worth it in the first place.

“Unnie, do you know how to make paper cranes?” Yoona asked. “No. I don’t.” “Whew! That makes two of us then!” “Make it three,” Yuri said. She seemed tired. “What’s the matter with you?” Taeyeon asked. “Can’t find Sica anywhere. Can’t get a reply from her. Can’t get a call back, either.” Yoona patted her unnie’s back. “There, there. She must be enjoying her time with Sohee. That’s all.” “Did the two of you talk last night?” Taeyeon asked. Yuri shook her head. “How’s Tiffany unnie taking it?” Yoona asked. She had obviously been informed. “She seems happy,” Taeyeon answered. “We haven’t talked about it.” “Denial maybe?” Yuri said. “I dunno. Whatever it is, I’m gonna have to end it by today.”

“Be careful, unnie,” Yoona said. “Nice and slow.” “Yeah. Thanks.”

Nice and slow, huh? Taeyeon thought. She turned to the stall and saw Tiffany conversing with Heechul. She wondered when they had become fast friends.

“I told you to stop worrying,” Heechul said. “I’m just really sorry for before,” Tiffany replied. “You’ve been saying that over and over. Come on now. Let’s move on.” “You sure, unnie?” Heechul smirked. “Hey. You called me unnie.” “Yeah, well… it sounds right.”

The preparation for the fund-raiser went on. It was not just about making the chains of paper cranes. There was also the matter concerning Heechul’s stall’s transformation. Having said that he did not have permission from the owner of the stall, everyone was extra careful in moving the equipment about. The chalkboard menu had to go.

With Kangin’s knack for lifting heavy objects and Kibum’s list of delivery contacts, the girls were able to set up a stage in front of the stall. One big group lunch and a million back and forth trips of the waves later, they were ready for a concert. The decorations were hung: the chains of paper cranes, the improvised lighting Teukie got from his grandmother’s attic, and the banners the girls made by following Sunny’s artistic expertise. The instruments and the speakers were hauled over to the stage as well as the old surfboards from Teukie’s stall. The latter was just for display, to give the stage a sort of groovy feeling.

And just like that, the seventh day was almost gone.

“Sica unnie?” Sohee said. “What is it?” Jessica replied. “Thanks for going with me today.” “No problem. Taking pictures is fun. Plus, I got my mind off of a lot of things. I should be the one thanking you.”

They were standing near a forest entrance. It was the one near the restaurant Taeyeon and Tiffany went to. Green was all around. It was a refreshing sight, a decent break from the brown and blue of the beach.

“It might sound lame, but could you tell Taeyeon unnie I’m sorry?” Sohee said, clutching her SLR camera. “Why don’t you just tell her yourself?” Jessica asked back. “I don’t think I can ever face her.” “What did you do?” Sohee shook her head. “She knows what the sorry is for. Just let the word reach her.” “If she knows what it’s for then it’s probably out of the way already. You don’t need to apologize.” “You think so, unnie?” “I know so. Relax. Hmm… Should we go back? They might be done with the preparations already.” “They better be.” Jessica giggled. “You wanted to escape from doing work, didn’t you?” “Uh… yes?” “That makes two of us then.” They laughed. “Man, we are evil,” Sohee said jokingly. “Or just really smart,” Jessica replied with a wide smile.

Everyone met up at the stage. With the sun gone, replaced by the lights in the trees and the bright-colored paper cranes, the atmosphere was slowly morphing into that of a club or a disco. Whichever appealed more to the vacationers.

“What’s this event for again?” Yoona asked Seohyun. They were fixing the mic stands on the stage. “It’s for the lifeguards, unnie. For their equipment and training.” “Ah. That sounds pretty cool.” “It is. Apparently, they do it yearly.” “They have a concert every year?” “No. It’s up to those who volunteered to participate.”

None of the fourteen girls knew how their oppas were involved with singing and performing. Just that they were exceptionally good and they knew what a stage was for. The evening approached as fast as the beach-goers came to the event, eager and full of energy. Though it was an open event with no entrance fee, kind hearts shone through and the money Kibum was dutifully managing with a calculator in hand was proof. Everyone seemed to be having a good time.

Nawah sumchake ddwieo jeo deulpaneul daryeo

Sankkokdaekiyehseo keuke sorichyeobwa Meomchuji ma i meojin sesange I'm alive Nawa hamke deo DANCING OUT ON THE EDGE!!

“I SAY HEE! YOU SAY?” “WOOOOOO!!”

Music. Dancing. Happy faces, mostly.

The long-haired unnie from behind the counter had transformed into a rockstar, save for the drug abuse and the sex-filled tours. Heechul had the mic and – from how the crowd was jumping up and down – complete control of the event.

Nawah sumchake ddwieo jeo deulpaneul daryeo Sankkokdaekiyehseo keuke sorichyeobwa Meomchuji ma i meojin sesange I'm alive Nawa hamke deo DANCING OUT ON THE EDGE!!

“I SAY HEE! YOU SAY NIM!!” he screamed.

It was basic performer-audience interaction. No one seemed to understand, but on went the loud response. Heechul was one to improvise. Observant as he was of the stage presence, he had an innate sense of spontaneity. A bright flash caught his eye, or rather literally temporarily disabled it.

“I love it when they take pictures,” he mumbled. “GO HEECHUL UNNIE!!” he heard his dongsaengs scream. “HEY JESSICA!!” he said into the mic. He easily spotted who took his first photograph of the night. In response, Jessica raised an eyebrow. She was in the front row, minding her own business and enjoying wasting the last of Sunny’s digital camera’s battery life. “Get up here!” Heechul said. “Eh?” “Aish…”

The drumming in the background got louder as Heechul stepped off the stage to grab Jessica’s hand. With his waxed hair and torn sleeveless shirt, Siwon doubted that anyone could recognize him behind the large drum set.

“I don’t wanna!” Jessica told Heechul. “Just get over here! It’ll be fun!” “Unnie, she can’t—” “Fine! You can come, too, Kwon Yuri!”

During Heechul’s absence, Teukie was taking over. The crowd enjoyed his hyperactive prancing around the entire stage. However, the crowd went wild once Heechul returned to the stage with two of his female dongsaengs. The singing went on.

Nawa sumchakeh dwieo jeo deulpaneul daryeo Sankkodaekiyehseo keuke sorichyeobwa Meomchuji ma i meojin sesange I'm alive nawahamkke deo Sumchake dwieo jeo deulpaneul daryeo Sankkodaekiyehseo keuke sorichyeobwa Meomchuji ma i meojin sesange I'm alive nawahamkke deo Ooh! Yeah, yeah! Ooh! Yeah, yeah!

“THIS IS IT BOYS AND GIRLS!! I SAY HEE! YOU SAY SICA!!” Jessica was wide-eyed. “What the hell are you saying, unnie?!” she tried to scream. The booming speakers easily made her sound like she was whispering. Heechul leaned closer to his dongsaeng’s ear and shouted, “Just play along!!”

“HEESICA!! HEESICA!! HEESICA!!”

After the first few songs, the first row, which was comprised mostly of ‘Team Taeyeon’ and ‘Team Sunye,’ had taken different positions a bit farther from the stage. The lights had dimmed and the smoke machine was on overdrive. A single spotlight rotated to illuminate the performers’ faces. It was swift, as momentarily blinding as the flash of Sunny’s digital camera.

And then out came the fireworks.

BOOM! BOOM! BANG!!

She covered her ears and closed her eyes. She knew of the upcoming stage effects, the pretty colors that would collide with the clouds and then sprinkle onto the people below, disappearing as they did. She had no problem looking. It was the earsplitting blasts that scared her and not knowing how many

times the display would pop, not knowing if she could run fast enough to avoid a sudden explosion near her body, not knowing if she would still be alive after the vivid show of rainbows and shapes. And because of that she ran to the where the waves were rolling. They sounded calmer.

“Found you.” She opened her eyes and slowly uncovered her ears. Am I hearing things? She thought. BANG!! BANG!! “Omo! Omo—” Before she could cover her ears again, she already felt another pair of hands do the job for her. “Boo…” went a soft whisper from behind her. “Sooyoungie?” she said in a mutter. “Found you,” went the reply. Sunny turned around and faced the one who saved her from the second round of explosions. “You okay?” Sooyoung asked. Sunny nodded. “I can’t believe we can still hear it from here. Tsk. And after I told them to cut down on the fireworks, too! Incompetent bunch of—” “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you all afternoon,” Sunny said. “I was helping with the special effects. Duh,” Sooyoung answered. “Don’t duh me.” “Sorry.”

The two shared a short embrace.

“What happens to us now?” Sunny asked. She had just freed herself from Sooyoung’s arms. “I dunno. We’re going back to school soon.” “Then are we… you know…” Sooyoung did not reply. She gave Sunny a smile. It was a glimpse of hope. Too fast. Too silent. Unlike the fireworks. Sunny could not detest it as much.

“I SAY YUL!! YOU SAY SICA!!” “YUL!” “SICA!” “YUL!” “SICA!” “YUL!!”

“SICA!!”

Tiffany giggled. “What the heck are they screaming now?” she said. Taeyeon shrugged. “Announcing they’re a couple?”

Similar to Sunny and the fireworks, though they were nowhere near their Heechul unnie’s stage, they could still hear loud and clear.

They were back at that familiar endpoint, sitting on the same rock formation and in the same position they took on their first day: Taeyeon sitting still with Tiffany’s head on her shoulder. They had a meaningful conversation at this edge of the beach, at the end of the seemingly infinite stretch of sand. It was not a very memorable one, but they did not need to struggle to recover it. Not too special to mark the day on a calendar. Not too insignificant to say it never happened.

“Ti-ppany?” Taeyeon said. “Yes, TaeTae?” “Here.” Taeyeon handed over the small book. “You left this behind, too.” Tiffany took it with one hand and stared at it. Then she turned back to Taeyeon. “Sunmi told me about your talk,” Taeyeon said. Tiffany swallowed hard, still clutching the book with one hand. “And?” “It’s time to forgive her,” Taeyeon answered. She took a deep breath. “About that thing I want to tell you…” “Ah. Right. What is it?” “You know how Yuri and Sica are… you know… together?” “Yeah?” Taeyeon took a deep breath. “For a long while, I’ve been… feeling this—this something.” “What something?” Taeyeon moved her shoulder to signal Tiffany to lift her head off of it. “What? Is my head too heavy?” Tiffany asked. “No. It’s not that,” Taeyeon replied. Then she stood up and jammed her hands into her shorts’ pockets. “Look, we’ve known each other for a long time and we’re best friends, right?” “Right,” Tiffany replied, still comfortably seated. “And we’ve shared a lot of things, too. Maybe too much. I guess it didn’t take long for me too feel that you’re… you’re too special. To me, I mean.”

“Okay. But I don’t really see where—”

“And it hurts to know that you’ve always been honest with me while I’ve done nothing but lie to you. I kept a lot of things from you, Fany-ah. I can’t even count how many times I’ve said ‘nothing’ when I always mean to say ‘something.’ It’s been so long since I actually opened up and I know that you might be thinking that I’m talking nonsense right now and that I might not even be the person you thought I was. That’s okay. I’ll understand even if you think of me that way. The thing is I just want to clear things out with you. I want you to know that I would never ever want to hurt you. I will always want what’s best for you. I just don’t know how to give you that without losing you. I don’t know—”

“What are you talking about, TaeTae? You won’t lose me.”

“No! You don’t get it. This thing that’s always been on my mind ever since that day you transferred in fourth grade and you talked to me just to tell me not to call you Miyoung… it’s gotten—it’s gotten a bit out of hand. I don’t know what to do with it. I tried to keep it to myself. I tried not to talk about it. Then our friends found out and they started doing things. They drive me crazy most of the time, but I know they mean well. That’s another thing I want to apologize to you about, though. I want to say sorry for all the times that they left you out, for all the times that they seemed so distant, for all the times that they blamed you behind your back. That was all because of me. During this vacation, they got worse and a lot of other people got involved. Everything was so messed up and I couldn’t even tell you about it because I knew you would just end up getting hurt.”

Taeyeon paused to take another breath. The loud music and Yuri screaming into the mic was not helping her concentrate. She swallowed and then closed her eyes for a few seconds. There she was, finally talking, finally pouring her heart out.

“What’s worse is that I think I’m the one who hurt you the most. All those things I said about getting to heaven and all that… that was stupid of me. I said that without thinking and I admit that. I was mad and pressured and aching to tell you how much I want you, how much I want to take care of you and then something just had to get in the way! But then I thought: who am I to compete against your faith, right? I can’t take you to heaven. I can never do anything right for you. I can never give you what you want. That’s why I exploded. I know it’s stupid. And I wanted to give up after that. I was so close to giving you up. Our friends wanted me to, too. They said it was all for the best and that it was the only way you and I would ever be happy. But… I just couldn’t. After all those crappy talks about giving up and being scared, one person believed in me. She said I should just go for it. She said I should just show you how much you mean to me. So I did. I tried to make you see how happy we could be together without telling you that I wanted us to be. It was like… a summer fling or whatever it’s called. It was a lie. I covered up my feelings for you. I even said I was doing all of those things because we’re friends! But that’s not it! That’s not the reason at all!”

Tiffany remained silent. She was clinging on to every word Taeyeon was willing to let her hear.

“So what I’m really trying to say is that I don’t want to go on like this if all it does is hurt people. I don’t want our friends to feel like they have to protect me all the time or that they have to lie to you and blame you or whatever. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were just being you. And I fell for you because of that. I won’t ever forget that I did and that I still am. The thing is… you have to stop me. You have to stop me from hurting myself and causing you confusion and messing up your faith and all that. Just tell me to stop and I will. I promised myself that. I promised our friends that. If you want all of this to just go away then I’ll make it happen. You just have to tell me. Otherwise… I’ll just keep running back to you. I’ll just keep loving you. So please… tell me to forget. Tell me to let go of you and I will.”

Silence.

Even the loud music and Yuri screaming into the mic could not break it. It was theirs. Taeyeon’s and Tiffany’s. TaeFany’s, TaeTif’s, TaeNy’s. Whatever Tiffany could make up in her head. All theirs. At that familiar endpoint, at that edge of the beach, at the end of the seemingly infinite stretch of sand, they had another meaningful conversation. Still clutching the small book with a trembling hand, she took Taeyeon’s hand with the other.

“I love you, Kim Taeyeon.”

She had always been the talkative one, the more vocal one. It was a secret for a secret.

CHAPTER 50 Lights off. Popcorn. Soda. Roll clip.

“Unnie!” Yoona whined. “Delete it!” Jessica laughed. “No way! That was priceless!” “Okay, guys! Enough with spazzing about Yoong eating sand! It’s time for—” “That was just epic!” Yuri cut Hyoyeon off. “You should really watch where you’re going, Yoong!” “Yeah!” Sooyoung added. “If you keep tripping like that someone’s bound to worry.” “Oh! Oh! I know who that is!” Hyoyeon said excitedly. “All right! Guys! Let’s move on to the secret-telling!” Sunny said. “Chop! Chop!” “Okay, okay! I have one!” Hyoyeon said.

Everyone laughed. “If this is the one about Nicole then we know it already!” Sooyoung said. “Yah!” Hyoyeon replied with a frown. “Gosh darn it…” “Me next!” Yoona said with her hand up. “Ah. Wait a minute, Yoong,” Jessica said.

Blank. Beeping.

“There,” Jessica said. “Tell me again why we’re doing this while walking,” Taeyeon said. “What, you want to do it in front of Sunye and her friends?” Sooyoung replied. “Or at the train station? Or in the train?!” “No! Of course not! I’m just asking.” Everyone laughed. “We should leave yours for last, Taeng,” Sunny said. “So that means we should start with yours!” Taeyeon cheered. “Go go go!” “Ehh!” “Let’s go, Soonkyu,” Sooyoung said. “It’s no use keeping it all to ourselves.” “I actually know this one already,” Jessica informed. “Me, too!” Hyoyeon said. “Me, three,” Seohyun added. “Aish!” Yuri grumbled. “Is it me or am I more left out than Miyoung here?” “Hey!” Tiffany defended. “I’m not THAT left out… Am I?” “Oh yes you are,” Sunny answered. Another round of laughter. “So what happened then?” Tiffany asked. “Sooyoungie sorta… you know…” Sunny shyly replied. “Just tell them I freakin’ kissed you,” Sooyoung said. “Choi Sooyoung!!” Sunny screamed. “Ow! Stop hitting me!” “Break it up, guys,” Jessica flatly said. Sooyoung laughed. “See how complicated she is. Geez. When I kiss her she hits me. When I don’t she STILL hits me. For goodness’ sake!” “Isn’t that simple, unnie?” Seohyun asked. “Eh?” “When you kiss her she hits you and when you don’t she still does. It’s not complicated at all. It just means that there is a 50-50 chance of her doing one or the other. Plus, the two factors involved are

highly predictable. Scratch that. They’re CERTAIN. If you don’t want to get hit then just maintain yourself in a state between doing something and not doing something.” “That doesn’t even make sense!” Sooyoung told the youngest. “My head hurts,” Yoona mumbled. “I think she means just keep your distance or maybe you should just run away,” Hyoyeon told Sooyoung. “Besides, Sunny’s legs are too short. She won’t be able to catch up to you anyway!” “I hate you people,” Sunny mumbled, pouting. “I’m here for ya, danshin buddy,” Taeyeon said. Sunny giggled. “Better get back to your girlfriend, Taengoo. She might—” “Sunny! Taeng’s was supposed to be for last!” Yuri reminded. “Oh. Ooops.” Everyone laughed. “Can I be the last one then?” Yoona said. “Please? Please? Please?” “Fine,” Jessica answered. “Who’s next then?” “Sooyeon completes me!” Yuri shouted. “What the—Yuri-ah!! You little—”

Blank. Beeping. Beeping.

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Sica, stop! That was my eye!” Yuri cried out. “Omo! I’m so sorry!” Jessica replied, worried. “I LOVE YOU, HYUNNIE!! SO VERY VERY VERY MUCH!!” Yoona screamed. “Unnie! Not so—” “What the hell?! Seobaby?!” Tiffany shouted in disbelief. “Uh, guys… people are staring,” Taeyeon said. “Never mind them. We’re making precious moments here!” Hyoyeon replied. “You know what would be funny?” Sooyoung asked. “What?” everyone said in unison. “If Sica didn’t really press the record button.” Everyone gasped.

Blank.

“I did! See? It’s recording!” Jessica said. “Oh thank goodness!” Sunny replied, relieved. “So is that everyone?” Taeyeon asked. “Yup. Everything’s out in the open!” Yuri answered.

“Doesn’t anyone find it strange that we’re all going THAT way?” Sooyoung asked. “What way, unnie?” Yoona asked. “To the train station! Duh!” Sunny answered. “No!” Sooyoung said. “I mean THAT way!” “This IS that way,” Tiffany replied. “Aish… Why do I even bother with you guys,” Sooyoung muttered in defeat. Everyone laughed. “Of course we know what you’re talking about, unnie,” Seohyun said. “But I don’t know how to answer it,” Jessica added. “I don’t think anyone knows how, Sica baby,” Yuri said. “Ooooh! Pet name alert! Wee-woo. Wee-woo,” Hyoyeon chanted. “I want to call Hyunnie something, too!” Yoona said. “Just call me what you’re already calling me, unnie. That’s fine,” Seohyun replied. “My Seobaby’s all grown up!” Tiffany said. “Does that make her MY Seobaby, too?” Taeyeon asked. “Aw, TaeTae! What a sweet hubby. If you want to be—” “That is SO cheesy, you guys,” Sunny said, cutting Tiffany off. “You’ve barely been officially together and you’re claiming you have a kid! Come on!” “Looks like SOMEONE didn’t use protection last night!” Yuri said with a big laugh. “Yuri-ah, stop it,” Jessica ordered. “Yes, ma’am.” Laughter. “Yuri and Sica sitting on a tree,” Hyoyeon began to sing, “K-I-S-S-I-N—“

Blank.

“So that’s when the battery ran out, guys,” Jessica informed.

The lights were turned back on. There was munching in the background.

“That was a fun video, Sica unnie,” Yoona said. She had been diligently emptying the bowl of popcorn. “Thanks, Yoong,” Jessica replied. “It took me a long time to edit.” “Too bad we didn’t get to add more, though,” Hyoyeon added. Sunny laughed. “If we did, I doubt we would’ve stopped.” “Maybe we would’ve gotten arrested for disturbing public peace, too,” Seohyun said. Sooyoung lightly slapped the youngest’s arm. “Don’t say things like that!”

“Sorry, unnie.” “Hey. Where’s Taengoo and Fany?” Sunny asked. Everyone shrugged. “Has anyone checked the bedrooms?” Hyoyeon announced. “Yah! Kim Hyoyeon!” Jessica shouted with a frown. “What is it with you and green jokes?” “I think I’m starting to see Nicole’s true colors shining through you now,” Yoona said. She had just finished chewing. Hyoyeon threw her dongsaeng a glare. “Don’t you dare accuse her of being a pervert!” “I didn’t say anything like that, unnie,” Yoona replied, teasing. “Okay, guys! Relax,” Jessica said. “If you’re gonna fight—” “Sica,” went a voice from behind the group. Jessica turned around. “What is it, Yuri-ah?”

Yuri gestured for her girlfriend to follow her outside the living room. Jessica followed.

“What is it?” Jessica asked. Both of them arrived at her kitchen. Yuri presented an envelope. “Taeng asked me to give you this.” “Why? Where is she? Did something happen?” Yuri shook her head. “I don’t think so. I just managed to pass by her building yesterday and she gave it to me.”

Jessica took the envelope and stared at it.

“It’s not a love letter for you, is it?” Yuri asked. She seemed worried. Jessica giggled. “Oh come on. This is Taeng we’re talking about. The same Taeng who’s been madly in love with one girl since she was old enough to wear a training bra. I doubt that she would go fishing for another happy crush just when she got who she wanted.” Yuri smiled and then moved to the spot behind Jessica. She hugged her girlfriend from behind. “Read it then.” Jessica opened the envelope and took out the folded piece of paper. She easily recognized Taeyeon’s handwriting.

“I’m on my way back. Will you wait for me, TaeTae?”

That was the message she sent me before she went back to the lodge. I can’t believe I got the message. I can’t believe my phone lasted that long, either. Seven days without being touched and it still managed to hold on. Cool, right? Anyway, I don’t know if you remember what she sent you guys, but I’m

sure that what I got isn’t the same. If I had my phone, I would’ve gotten some kind of hint and I would’ve known sooner that she cared, you know? Talk about bad luck.

Enough about that. Let’s just get to why I wrote this. I bet you’re falling asleep ‘cause the intro was boring, right? Keke~ Come on, Sica. Just a few paragraphs more. I just want to tell you something. First of all, I’m sorry we couldn’t attend the party. We agreed to go somewhere again today. I just want to thank you for everything. I know we patched things up on the train three months ago. Three or four? Oh. Yeah. Four months ago. I know ‘cause Fany marks our “monthsaries.” I don’t even know if it’s a real word. So yeah. I haven’t forgotten how stubborn I was and how much I bothered you with it. For that, I want to say sorry. For you putting up with me, I want to say thank you again.

It’s been awhile since we talked after our vacation. With everyone running around taking entrance exams I think I forgot how to start to a conversation. It’s gotten a bit awkward, too, right? Because everyone’s out in the open it feels like we all want be alone for awhile. You know… just to absorb everything and stuff. I’ll be honest. That’s how I’ve been feeling. Up until now I still can’t imagine Sooyoung kissing sunny. … … …

I really can’t. HAHAHAHA!! Don’t tell them that. ^^ Oh fine. Tell them. I just remembered that we all agreed not to keep secrets. Ah. Speaking of secrets, the reason why I’m writing this is sorta one. It’s the main reason. Aside from thanking you that is. See, I’ve been thinking. I said we agreed to go somewhere, right? Well, I’ve actually been going to church with Fany. … … … … Okay. I’m guessing that was enough time for you to finish laughing. Keke~ It’s true, though. I don’t know why, but I feel lighter whenever I go. I don’t understand what they’re saying half the time, to be honest, but… there’s something. I think I get it. Why she’s so set on holding on to it even when she decided to be with me. I hope I’m still making sense. The thing is that when we visited last weekend, I remembered what you told me: “But for once, could you choose something that won’t hurt you?”

Do you still remember that? Well, in case you don’t, I’m telling you right now that you did. Keep it in mind, okay? Someday – I don’t know when, really – maybe you’ll regret saying it as much as I decided to follow it. By then, you know what to do. Keep being a good friend.

We’ll see you guys soon. ^^

Taeyeon.

There was a sudden chill that coursed through Jessica’s fingers and she could no longer feel the thin piece of paper. The only warmth she could feel was on that spot behind her ear. She knew Yuri was kissing it again. She held on to that feeling. She held on to it for dear life. What the hell are you thinking, Taeng?

Kilometers away, alone, Taeyeon was thinking the same thing.

She asked herself how long she had waited. And then it did not make sense to ask again. Back and forth. Always. She stood outside a familiar gate. She eyed the double-lock and then traced it with her finger. Years had passed and still it served as a permanent reminder of her scars, of her inability to break it down, of her sudden courage and then her sudden repeated defeat. She did not hate it. She knew it was there for a reason. She respected that. It opened from the inside.

“Whew! Sorry I took so long,” Tiffany said. “Nah. You were faster today than last week,” Taeyeon replied with a chuckle. She offered her arm. Tiffany linked her arm onto Taeyeon’s and smiled. Brightly. Like she always does. “I know I’ve been asking this again and again, TaeTae, but—” “Gee, Ti-ppany. I told you that I’m okay with it. You’re not forcing me to do anything, I’m not doing this to get on your good side, I’m not doing this so your dad will like me, and I’m definitely not doing this because Siwon oppa always treats us to lunch after mass. Okay?” Tiffany giggled. Out went that familiar eye-smile. “Looks like you’ve memorized my lines, TaeTae.” Taeyeon smirked. It was a little something she learned about being smug from none other than their Heechul unnie. Though it was a last-minute lesson, she managed to perfect the art. “Of course!” she said proudly. “You’ve said it more than the greenhouse gases have multiplied for the past hundred years!” “Ah… and I see that you’ve been staying up late to watch Discovery Channel again! Tsk. I told you to sleep early, right? You’re gonna need all the rest you can get before the midterms come.” “Pfft. Midterms shmeedterms. We’ll just do things like last time. Just come over and watch me study~” “Aish. I have my own subjects to study for, too, you know?”

“Then come over and study for them at my place. It’s not like my parents are against you coming over or anything… unlike your dad with me.” Tiffany sighed and then rolled her eyes. “Here we go again.” “Sorry. He’s just so—Ah! That’s right… He hates my guts!” Tiffany did not reply. She took the first step forward and Taeyeon had to follow. They started walking. “Fine. I’ll come over and watch you study,” Tiffany said in a mutter. “Yey!~” Taeyeon cheered. “You better get good grades, though.” “I will. As long as I can force myself to review so you won’t get mad and as long as I get a good night’s rest, everything will be just fine.” Tiffany leaned on Taeyeon’s arm as they continued to walk. “A good night’s rest isn’t a good night’s rest if you’re not even using your bed, you know?” “Ehh… You know I can’t study in my room. I get distracted and stuff. And remember the time we tried studying there? We didn’t get to do the homework because… you know… that.” “That?” “That! On my bed!” “Ah! But that didn’t really affect—” “Yes it did! My parents even woke up just to see what was going on.” Tiffany laughed. “I blame Yoong for teaching you.” “Well, I blame you for having that kind of money.” “I’m your girlfriend for crying out loud, TaeTae! If you want to play Go-Stop or any kind of game that involves gambling you should at least ask for something sweeter! Like a kiss or something.”

The thought had crossed Taeyeon’s mind. Countless times. They stopped walking.

They entered sacred grounds, hand-in-hand. The solemnity within was something they had both gotten used to as a couple. Though conflicted, they stood strong. No one had verbally prohibited them in the first place. They just felt that they had to be strong. For each other. For the love they allowed to blossom.

At the end of holy mass, a few convictions were slowly showing, a dozen doubts cast away.

Tiffany’s hand was once again in Taeyeon’s as they exited. The joyous group of attendees passed them by, probably thinking about how pious the two girls were as a couple of young adults. How proud community members they must have been.

“So where should we eat lunch today?” Siwon asked. “It’s okay, oppa,” Tiffany said. “I think we’ll just go home today.” “You sure? What about you, Taeyeon? I heard they’re having that special sale on ramen again today.” Taeyeon bit her lip; Tiffany nudged her. “Ow!” Tiffany turned to Siwon and smiled. “Yeah. We’re sure about just going home today. Thanks again, oppa.” Siwon gave his dongsaengs a wide smile and then left. “You’re so mean sometimes!” Tiffany said with a frown. Taeyeon laughed. “I was just kidding, you know? It’s just so entertaining to see him so eager to treat us out. He’s like the brother we never had.” Tiffany rubbed her chin with her free hand. “Good point. Our oppas don’t treat us to anything, do they?” “Nope.”

They started walking toward a patch of grass. It was only then that Taeyeon noticed where they were.

“Wait. We’re going out back?” “Just for awhile. You know how much I love the pond there, right?” Taeyeon nodded. “It’s been awhile since we visited, too.”

Beyond the green pastures was a still pond. The clear water appeared solid, like a big mirror. If it were not for the tiny ripples on the surface, no one would have had a clue that they would fall through if they decided to step on it. It was a pretty sight.

Taeyeon released Tiffany’s hand. She allowed her girlfriend of four months to frolic about the areawhile she sat down on a dry spot near the water to observe. She loved seeing Tiffany smile. She treasured the time they spent together. She was grateful for the small doses of silence they shared after meeting the higher being. It calmed her.

“Taeyeon-ah!” Tiffany called out. She was standing at the other side of the pond. “What?” Taeyeon shouted back. “I’ll start from this spot and you start from there!”

Taeyeon hid a giggle and then stood up. She started walking and Tiffany started walking. There was no doubt that they would end up meeting each other at one point or another. “Gotcha,” Tiffany whispered as she wrapped her arms around Taeyeon’s neck. “Silly dork,” Taeyeon whispered back as she wrapped her arms around Tiffany’s waist.

Neither one could remember, but the act of wrapping each other’s arms around the other was something they deemed illegal, harmful. Something that could lead to burning. Before, they could only hold hands. Now, they were past that. For how much longer, they seldom asked.

Tiffany softly laid her eyes on her TaeTae. Finally, her search for happiness had ended. As simple as that: realizing the freedom to make a choice. She had been longing for the right moment to say it again: “I love you, Kim Taeyeon.”

The words had entered Taeyeon’s ears. Countless times. The snakes that once overtook her senses, craving for Tiffany’s flesh were once again tamed and out came the butterflies that drew floating circles in her stomach. All thanks to those words, the ones she decided to keep close to her heart at all times. She knew they were true, as true as Tiffany could make them.

Taeyeon stood still as she watched her girlfriend’s lips part slightly. She could no longer remember how many times she had stolen glances at the event. She could no longer remember how many nights she spent dreaming of being able to catch the luscious pair in between hers. She was losing air. She felt the beating in her chest creep up to her throat and she found herself unable to move. She drew a big blank. She closed her eyes.

I've gotten to know You somehow. I know how much You mean to her, to all humankind and for some reason, I've gained respect for you. You didn't tear me apart from her. You gave me a chance. I'll forever be thankful for that. I'm thankful that you didn't hold her back for long, that you didn't stop her from making decisions she had to make. I used to think you stood in between us. I guess I was wrong. You're the kind of Being who doesn't force. You're the kind of Being who loves. I will always want what’s best for her and I know you’ve been giving her that. All that and more. So now...I'd like to make it up to you.

“I love you, Miyoung-ah,” she replied as she opened her eyes.

Tiffany had leaned closer, still with parted lips, and Taeyeon knew she had to remain perfectly still for them not to make contact just yet. Her breath, however, travelled directly into Tiffany’s mouth, like a warm whisper, a passing dose of ecstasy. She stared at her girlfriend of four months, who somehow appeared stunned, as if the words had materialized and hit her on the head.

Kim Taeyeon had made the decision that would not hurt her. I love you, Miyoung-ah, she repeated in her thoughts. It was true, as true as she could make it. She hoped that Tiffany knew that, too.

“But—” FIN

CREDIT & NOTES Credit for chapter 3 (footprints quote): I checked possible sources but it seems that the original source is still undetermined. Credit for chapter 9 (summer fling definition): Urbandictionary Credit for chapter 25 ("Dreams that come true aren't really dreams."): Full Metal Alchemist Season 1, EP 16 Credit for chapter 27 (“Trust in the Lord with all your heart…”): Proverbs 3:5-6 Credit for chapter 42 (“There is no fear in…”): 1 John 4:18 Credit for chapter 45 (If you keep true to your creed…): Bare: the musical