Suave Social Life

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex

Table of Contents Chapter One: Inner Confidence ................................................................................................ 8

The World is More Malleable Than You Think...............................................8 First Things First: Decide Exactly What It Is That You Want .....................15 Visualizations .....................................................................................................23 Affirmations and Autosuggestion...................................................................35 Inner Confidence Odds and Ends ...................................................................43 Chapter Two: Natural Charisma ..............................................................................................53

On Frame and Suaveness: Having a Strong Reality .....................................56 Social Proof: The “Oldest Trick in the Book” ................................................62 The Power In Being Yourself: Normal ............................................................72 Abundance Mentality vs. Scarcity Mentality ................................................81 Signs and Manifestations of Abundance Mentality .....................................89 The “Riker” Principle ........................................................................................90 Chapter Three: Building Your Own Social Network ...............................................................97

Basic Social Competence in Three Lessons ....................................................97 The Simplest Ways to Become an Extrovert Who Talks to Everyone .....109 How to Meet and Make New Friends ..........................................................117 Host a Regular Party or Group Outing—Even if No One Shows Up .....124 How to Make Social Media Work for You ..................................................131 Chapter Four: Attracting the Opposite Sex without Chasing ................................................140

Becoming More Attractive Without Chasing ..............................................140

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex

How to Make Rejection Feel Good ................................................................161 The Suave Guide to Phones and Texting .....................................................169 Chapter Five: Looks and Style ...............................................................................................180

A Quick Guide to Posture...............................................................................180 A Quick Guide to Personal Style and Clothing...........................................188 Style: Principles and Rules .............................................................................192 Chapter Six: Hobbies and Social Interests .............................................................................200

Easy Social Hobbies .........................................................................................200 Extreme Hobbies ..............................................................................................203 Chapter Seven: Your Pad, Your Car, Your Stuff ....................................................................208

The Pocket Guide to Interior Design ............................................................208 Cool Stuff for Your Living Space ...................................................................214 Prep Your Pad for “Drinks at Your Place”...................................................217 Optimize Your Bedroom.................................................................................221

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex

My Story If you’re alone, I know how you feel. In high school, I barely knew anyone. I would go from class to class and watch everyone else socialize while they waited for the teacher to arrive. At lunch, I would either hang out with old friends from grade school or, sometimes, hang out with no one at all. I started bringing books from home so I would have something to make me feel less awkward. I remember those days vividly. It seemed like everyone in the cafeteria had someone to talk to. Except me. Then college came. It was a clean slate. An opportunity to be a completely different person. The problem was, I brought the same bad habits I had in high school with me to college. I remember going to bed early simply because I had so little to do in my dorm room, no one to talk to. I knew no one on my floor—I just went from class to the cafeteria and to my dorm room, and that was it. Rinse and repeat. The year ended, and over summer I dreaded the next year. I couldn’t go through that again. The pain of potential rejection seemed far better than doing all of that again. It was time to tackle this whole “social life” thing once and for all. I was at the breaking point.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Sophomore year, I arrived to the dorms a whole new person, because I was resolved to make a change. I told myself that even if I didn’t feel social, I would at least pretend to be social. Rather than eat alone, I would walk right up to a table and ask if I could join them. And in every class, I would start talking first. I was the living embodiment of “fake it ‘til you make it.” And you know what? It didn’t feel like I had been faking at all. If anything, it felt as if I’d been suppressing my inner extrovert the whole time. Over time, a few of the people to whom I introduced myself became friends. Those friendships led to acquaintances. It wasn’t long before I had a true social circle. The Importance of an Active Social Life I had never been a big partier. In my mind, I was “smart.” I was an “intellectual.” I never thought I needed that many friends to be happy. But let me tell you this: making new friends completely changed my day to day life. I no longer had a fear of people. I no longer locked myself away in my dorm room. I no longer dreaded going to the next class because it felt like an existential threat to my happiness. No. Life became richer. Classes became more fun. Heading to the cafeteria wasn’t an embarrassment of loneliness; it was instead an adventure: who would I see in there today?

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex That’s what I want for you: a rich and vibrant social life, one that allows you to live your own days on your own damn terms. No more locking yourself away for fear of interaction. No more fear of how people will react to you. No more loneliness. We know that loneliness can be a risk factor for depression and a host of other problems. No wonder. If you’re reading this, then that means that you have the following things going for you:  You’re educated enough to read  You spent money on this eBook and didn’t have to spend it on your latest meal  You have a roof over your head  You have an Internet connection  You have electrical power  You have air in your lungs  Your heart is still beating Objectively, you’re doing better than maybe 90% of the world. But when I was lonely and locked away in my dorm room, do you think any of these things mattered to me? Of course not. Without friend and family support, life can seem overwhelming. Let’s change that. What This eBook Will Do For You Let’s be clear right off the bat: this book is not about tricking people into liking you. I recommend very few lines and

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex “routines.” I advocate some things that are controversial with a lot of people, like not taking anyone’s number but rather giving out your number. If you’re looking for a book that will tell you “what to say to people,” Google is that-a-way. What’s that old saying? Give a person a fish and they’ll eat for a day. Teach a person to fish and they’ll eat for a lifetime. That’s what this eBook is all about: teaching you the habits that will make a social life become automatic for you. Teaching you the attractive traits that naturally draw people into your presence, help cultivate a positive reputation, and turn you into the center of an entirely new social network that you created yourself. This book is also a little lazy. I don’t want you to constantly strain yourself to approach 25 women a day—although you can certainly do that if you have the energy for it. Instead, the lessons in this book are aimed at being as efficient as possible. We address the basics. The fundamentals. The stuff no one else practices—the small little differences in your day that add up to a big difference in your life. Are you ready? Let’s meet the new you.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex

Chapter One: Inner Confidence The World is More Malleable Than You Think When you watch someone like Bob Proctor talk about "attracting" things and how affirmations changed his life, part of you is skeptical. Maybe you've tried affirmations or visualization before, you half-ass it, you wait a few weeks, and you go "well, this isn't really working. I knew it was a bunch of new age nonsense." But sometimes, you have the opposite experience. Sometimes you have an experience where you've affirmed something or visualized something and that exact thing comes to you more effortlessly than you could have imagined, and it comes to you exactly in the way you pictured it. You could accept them as a coincidence, of course, but part of you now knows that the way you view things does, in fact, change the reality you experience on some level. Sometimes you have an experience that's so inexplicable that it makes you wonder just how much power your inner self really has. I remember one of mine. I had a series of affirmations and visualizations, and one of them was that when I went out to a bar or a club and danced, that

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex women would instantly start coming up to dance with me. I had a very clear and vivid picture of it in my mind already. In truth, it was a bit of a stretch. I'd been to a ton of bars and clubs before, and most of the time, it seemed like I was the one on the outside trying to join other people’s parties.

I have had enough spooky and paradigm-shifting experiences with inner confidence, affirmations, and visualizations to know that they have astounding potential for every guy who feels clueless about how to get started…

You can probably guess the rest of the story from here. After some weeks spent not going out, I finally had a chance. I was out with a few friends, enjoying life, and somehow forgot all about the affirmations and focused on having a fun time.

At one point, I was dancing, minding my own business...when an entire bachelorette party I hadn't even seen came out of nowhere and started dancing around me like I was a celebrity or something. They even approached me and started talking to me. Another “affirmation” came true that night: I told myself that when I go out, people buy me drinks. At another bar that night, I 9

The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex joked around with a guy, discovered he was the owner of the bar, and guess what? He enjoyed our conversation enough to give me a drink on the house. Later that night, I made the connection: that night went exactly how I’ve been imagining my nights will go. When you imagine something can come true, and see it come to life in very specific detail, you start to wonder about the power of your inner world. I'm not saying that this is what will happen to you. Your mileage may vary. You may do worse than that, you may do better than that. It may take you longer to see results, it may take you shorter. I'm also not saying that you're controlling other people using the force. But people will treat you differently based on how you view yourself, and how you view yourself is entirely up to your thought habits. (Sound like an intimidating phrase? Don’t worry. I’ll teach you how to change them.) After doing the inner work, I probably walked, talked, and danced like a guy who would be fun to approach. Before doing the inner work? A guy who was trying to enter other people’s parties. What I'm saying is, the answer to success really lies within you and what you believe is possible. And that's the rub. It's all about what you believe. If you look at the methods contained in this chapter and say "visualization and

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex affirmation...come on...I want more tips on what to say. Give me the lines, man!" then your experience is going to reflect what you tell yourself. And you’re telling yourself, “I need good lines to succeed.” How’s that working out for you? Certainly there are plenty of people with amazing lives that don't use affirmations or visualization or the other tools presented here and have a completely different set of beliefs from you. But there are all sorts of different ways to change your beliefs. When I first started going out, the idea of possibly having a woman give me her phone number was absolutely absurd. Until it happened once. Then suddenly I knew it was possible, and it started happening all the time. I didn't think it was possible for me to make out with a woman I had met only recently. I thought it would take years of effort and discipline. Then it happened once, and suddenly I knew that any time I went out, it was a possibility. I didn't think it was possible to give out my number and have women text me...okay, actually, by that time, I had gotten the lesson, so it started working right away. But you get the point. I'm not saying I'm a glorious master charismatic ninja valentine warrior and that I can attract women by looking at them—though there are men out there who have claimed to achieve “Inner confidence black belt” status and can do this very thing. I still

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex have a buttload of struggles and inconsistencies I need to work on. I don't claim to be an inner confidence guru and I’m not trying to sell you on a coaching program. I'm writing this book for myself just as much as I am for you, the reader. But I have had enough spooky and paradigm-shifting experiences with inner confidence, affirmations, and visualizations to know that they have astounding potential for every guy who feels clueless about how to get started. I know they're a tremendously powerful tool for feeling like you have something right now, in this moment. I do know that the brain itself is a strange and wonderful thing. It's the most powerful tool you have, and you shouldn't ignore it. In fact, you should make it your first priority. There's a reason I talk about “being normal” later in this book, to stop putting up imaginary boundaries and not worry so much about what to say. It's because when you have strong inner confidence, things will come to you just as naturally as being awkward once did. Everything about being suave starts in your head. It's time to start using it. As you read through this chapter, here are some concepts I want you to keep fresh: 

Your mind shapes your experiences. You don't have to believe in the Law of Attraction. But you do have to recognize that the conditions of your mind are the conditions of your reality. It's your interpretation of reality

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex

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that forms your experiences, that makes a rejection feel funny or feel bad, that erases some parts from your memory because you don't view them as important. The mind is far more powerful than you think. You might think that your experiences and memories are simple, that your consciousness in the present moment is a full and complete representation of reality. It isn't. The reason James Bond doesn’t take any rejection hard is because he instantly interprets the rejection in a way that makes it something to smile about. You do not have to be a special individual to have this same kind of capacity. You simply have to know that you have that power already, and then make the choice to live it. (More on that later.) Inner and outer are related. Try smiling for five minutes. You will literally be happier. There is a mind-body connection and a mind-experience connection. Yes, the mind is immensely powerful and can choose its own interpretation of events. But the work you do in the outer world matters too, and in fact can be seen as a tool to change your self-perception. They say it's hardest to make your first million. One reason is that you have more resources to make another million after you've become a millionaire. But I suspect another reason is that when you see a million dollars in the bank account, your subconscious mind says "oh, I'm rich. I'm going to do rich people things now." Your subconscious mind doesn't "think," it just responds to thought and experience. Your subconscious mind is responsible for behaviors, memories, emotions, and so many things that seem out of our control. But there's good news: it

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex

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listens to your command. If you smile long enough, your subconscious mind thinks, "oh, I'm smiling. I must be happy." This is a well-known effect. You'll find that this effect extends to...well, just about anything you can possibly experience. Stand up straight and speak with a confident tone around a new group of people, and guess what your subconscious will start to assume? Now you're starting to get it. Use this force only for good. If you get embarrassed and tell yourself "I suck," then your subconscious mind will go "hey, I suck. I better start behaving like I suck." Think of the subconscious mind like the powerful horse you have by the reins. It will go anywhere you lead it - but you do have to lead it. You already have a filter in place. As lifestyle coach Brent Smith likes to say, "you already have a story you're telling yourself." You already filter out your experiences by what you expect to see. It's well-known for people who buy new cars to suddenly see their same car everywhere. It's not that they're changing the world around them; they're just noticing information that was previously filtered out by their brains. I've talked to countless guys who have lots to be confident about. When I tell them they have something to be confident about, guess what the first words out of their mouth are? "Yeah, but." They are making reality conform to their inner beliefs. You already do this. This chapter is about knowing the mechanisms through which you do this and merely changing the input.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Are you ready to accept that all of the success you've wanted is achievable, and the fact that you don't have it might solely be as the result of bad thinking habits? That your brain has more influence over the reality you experience than you ever imagined? That women will approach you, that people will buy you drinks, that a fun and awesome social life can be effortless? That maybe pickup lines and fancy techniques designed to circumvent your own fears and doubts were never the point? What if, to quote the film “Back to the Future,” “where we’re going…we don’t need roads?”

First Things First: Decide Exactly What It Is That You Want In the surprise hit movie "The Secret," one of the talking heads describes having a vision board of all the things he wanted in his life. One thing on his vision board was a beautiful house in southern California. He went through all of his visualization at the time, moved, and forgot about it.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex One day, when he was moving into his new house, his son found the old vision board. In it, the man saw that he had actually moved into his dream home - literally the same exact one - without knowing it.

If you do not see great riches in your imagination, you will never see them in your bank balance. -Napoleon Hill, "Think and Grow Rich”

The lesson? Specificity. Before you can move one iota from where you are, you have to know where you want to go. It all starts with a seed.

If you want a tree, you have to get the right species of seed, plant it, and care for it. In this section, we talk about finding the right species of seed for your social life. You're not going to grow a rose with a sunflower seed, yet guys keep trying this over and over again and wonder why their results are so confused. Or let me try another metaphor: the GPS. Your GPS is nice, but it's a lot easier to use and a lot more precise if you give it specific directions on where to end up.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex That's what today's work is based on: getting very specific about what it is that you want, learning what it is you need to work on, and identifying action steps to get you there. Who Do You Want to Attract? An Exercise Cory Skyy, a dating guru with a more “natural” approach, recommends figuring out what you want – and what you have to be in order to attract it. That’s good advice. Here’s how to figure out what you want—and what you’ll have to do to get it. STEP ONE: GET SPECIFIC Write down a list of what you want in a significant other, in detail. Hold nothing back here. I want you to describe your PERFECT 10. The "unicorn." Someone you don't think could possibly ever exist. Every detail is perfectly how you want it. Don't hold back. Just have fun and write down what you most enjoy. You don't have to write these down like a checklist, but here's a demonstration of how detailed you can get: Physical:   

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What do they look like? Does she have big boobs? Does he have ripped abs? Do they have a great ass, and if so, how do you define a "great ass"? What color is their hair? How long is their hair?

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex

      

What does their hair feel like? What color is their eyes? Are they tall or short? Are they fit and lean or curvy? What does their voice sound like? What does their smile look like? What kinds of clothes do they wear?

Personality and Things in Common:    

         

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Are they fun and outgoing? Are they shy and reserved? What do they like to do with their time? Are they well-mannered and proper? Are they laid back and chill? Do they make education and intellect a priority? How do they interact with your friends and family? Do they play video games? Do they play sports? Do they like the same TV shows? Do they even watch TV? Do they love the outdoors? Are they a homebody? Are they into physical fitness or are they naturally fit? Do they smile a lot? Are they funny? Are they quirky? Are they deadpan? Are they a more "masculine" or "feminine" type of woman or guy? What's on their Instagram? Their Facebook? What kinds of things do they Tweet? How do they interact with strangers? Do they like dogs? Do they like cats? Neither?

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Other:       

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Do they have a lot of money? What kind of car do they drive? What kind of home do they have? What does the inside of their home look like? Do they have a great career? What kind? Do they want kids and a family? Do they want to get married or do they want to keep it casual? Do they drink? How often? What's their stance on drugs? What are their politics? What religion, if any, do they have?

Again, write down only the ones that are more important to you. You're choosing your perfect 10 here, not me or my questions. Skip some if you like, add others if you please. An aside: If you read through all of those questions, you'll likely notice something interesting going on. As you imagine every quality, as you visualize every question, you start to feel as though you're already experiencing it. I'm guessing for a little while at least, all of your cares and worries about the opposite sex have vanished while you sit there blissfully daydreaming about a great life. That's not an accident. STEP TWO: TURN THE MIRROR AROUND Now that you have a list of qualities that you honestly desire out of your "perfect 10," turn the questions on yourself.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Go down the checklist, one by one, and ask yourself if YOU have those same qualities. Write down the areas in which you need the most work to become just like your perfect ten. (Obviously, you don't have to dye your hair or change your eye color: only look for things you can change.) Voilà. You now know two very important things: exactly who you want and exactly what you'll work on to attract them. Why is this important? Because attracting people isn't like how magnets work. You know that old saying “opposites attract?” Hogwash. When it comes to inner confidence and the law of attraction, like attracts like. Ask yourself how many times you've seen a fat slob with a really fit girl. Can it be done? Sure. Is it much more likely to see the fit girl with a gym rat? Of course it is. And if you can't even muster motivation to get fit, how important is it to you really that your partner be a fitness model? Figure it out. Get specific. And keep everything you write down. Visualize Your Life / Your Perfect Day Let's say you're not really looking for one big relationship but are looking more for a kind of lifestyle. You don’t want a long-term relationship, you just want to hang out, have fun, and party with friends and love interests.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Apply the same exact technique. Try to picture what "every day" would look like under your most ideal lifestyle and think it out in detail. Here are a few prompts to help you along the way: Money    

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What is your job like? How do you earn money? How much money is in your bank account? How much money do you earn? What is your house or apartment like? What kinds of rooms does it have? What are your favorite gadgets? How much money do you give to charity? Do you travel the world? Where do you go? What kind of car do you drive? What features does the car have?

Social and Lifestyle  

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What kinds of friends do you have? What kinds of parties are you invited to? What kinds of parties do you throw? What's it like when you chill out at home? How often do potential romantic partners text you? How often do potential romantic partners hit you up on Facebook? How do you wake up in the morning? What kind of bed do you have? What kind of alarm? When you go out, what happens?

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex

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  

When you go about your errands, do you meet people? Do women approach you? What kinds of experiences do you have? How easy is it to meet members of the opposite sex? What kinds of fun experiences do you have with them?

The sky is the limit here. The important things: specificity and detail. Ignore any of my prompts you didn't like; add ones you do you like. You want to know exactly what it is that you want. Once again, knowing the difference between your current situation and your ideal lifestyle will show you exactly what you need to work on. If you want to enjoy rock climbing, for example, you're never going to do it unless you pick up the keys and head to the local rock climbing gym. Critical Steps First, the rules: 

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Your dream should be motivating. So motivating that you don't mind putting up with a little temporary pain to achieve it. So motivating that just thinking about having it gives you pleasure. This is why I want you to go for broke when it comes to what you want. Really think big. Whether or not you think you can "do it" doesn't really matter right now. People tend to overestimate what they can accomplish in the short term and underestimate what they

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex

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can accomplish in the long term. You're not looking for instant results here. Don't let doubts get in your way. Really let your kite fly high here.

Now, your first action steps towards inner confidence: 1. Get an empty notebook if you have one. 2. Complete the ideal lifestyle or ideal partner exercise above to learn exactly what it is you want - or you can complete them both. Or create your own exercise and write down what kind of person you want to be. Remember: this is about attracting exactly what you want here. You're picking the menu. But after doing one or two of the above exercises, you should be able to pick out what it is that you want. Write everything down. 3. Write down a list of action steps that you can take right now to start putting yourself into alignment with this new reality. Want a raise? Google "How to get a raise" and write down the action steps. Action and thought will always go together. Want to attract a confident woman? Write down some confidence exercises you can try by going out today and doing anything from making eye contact with strangers to starting small conversations. You're not just doing it to improve yourself, you're doing it to put yourself into alignment with what you want to attract.

Visualizations

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex The Conscious and Subconscious Mind You have two kinds of experiences: 

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The daily conscious experience. This is your alertness, this is you looking at the computer screen aware of what I’ve written. In this daily conscious experience, you make choices. You think about things. You watch TV shows, have conversations, drive home from work, etc. This is the way you've interacted Imagination rules the world. with the world since -Napoleon Bonaparte you were born, interact with it now, Without going out of your door, and will interact you can know all things on with it until the day Earth. ... arrive without you die. The traveling ... see all without conscious mind is the looking ... do all without doing. sail, the canvas that -George Harrison, "The Inner flutters in the wind. Light" The subconscious experience. This is the less tangible world of memory and belief, your overall impression of the world based on your thoughts, actions, beliefs, and experiences. It's the song quietly playing in the background that no one really hears because they're focusing on something else, but helps shapes and determine

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex what they experience. The subconscious mind is the hull slower to move than the sail, but ultimately responsible for where you end up. Before we move on, it's important to note that your experience of reality is not accurate. It seems like it is, sure. You can stop reading now, feel the clothes on your body, watch the clock tick, clap your hands to hear a sound if you like. This seems like a complete and stark view of the present moment. But it is not a complete and stark view of reality. None of us has that. Consider: 

Your physical senses are limited. You can't hear the frequencies a dog can hear, and you can't see ultraviolet light or infrared light. This present moment will pass and be recorded as memory. Memories are notoriously fallible and pliable. Much has been written about the malleability of memory: you can insert false memories, you can change events, etc. What you remember is not reality; it is your impression of past reality.

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Your mind fills in gaps and filters out what it considers as less useful. Did you ever try the “blind spot” experiment where you hold one eye closed, mark a small X on a piece of paper, and move it around until you can’t see it? If a simple "X" on a piece of paper can disappear like magic, what else don't you know?

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Whether you believe physical reality bends to our mental wishes or not doesn't really matter, because our filter of the physical universe and our interpretation of events are powerful enough to guide us no matter what you believe about reality. Your Reality Filter Let's revisit a well-known phenomenon: the act of buying a car often stimulates the brain to suddenly see that car everywhere on the road. It's not that you're making the car suddenly appear through your miraculous powers, but rather than your conscious attention to the new car has convinced your subconscious mind that this kind of car is information relevant to you, and it now stops filtering out of your reality. Subsequently you notice it every time you see it, where before you didn't give it a second thought. Your life will change once you realize that this same effect happens everywhere. Have you ever tried to convince a shy friend that he has a lot going for him? If his subconscious mind is set against you, it will be like talking to a wall. You'll say, "but you're tall - women like tall guys." He'll say, "yeah, but I'm too scrawny." You'll say, "you're fun to hang around with." He'll say, "yeah, but no woman ever seems to notice." It's not that he necessarily wants to feel these things. But because his subconscious mind's filter is set to "I'm unattractive," that's all he's able to see.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Think about this for a second: have you ever talked to a woman only to later realize she was flirting with you? "D'oh!" You kick yourself. If only you had noticed it sooner. That brain of yours. So slow to notice these things. Now think about this: do you really think that's the first time you didn't notice a woman was attracted to you? Your experience partially depends upon what your subconscious mind expects. If it expects no women to be attracted to you, not only will your behaviors and habits become a self-fulfilling prophecy, but you literally will have a tough time noticing it when it does happen. If you go out into the world expecting it to happen, suddenly you'll walk a little taller, feel a little more relaxed, and you'll spot women looking at you left and right. Not only are your behaviors in alignment with a more attractive man, but you'll notice the women who are attracted to you for the first time, the same way you suddenly notice the same make and model of your car. The result feels like magic, but it's really just your mind doing what it always does. The key? Changing the filter.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex How the Subconscious Mind Works Your present subconscious mind is the result of past experiences, thoughts, emotions, habits, behaviors, and beliefs. But you can change it when you change the input, just as you can change the quality of your body when you put in better food. There are a few ways that you currently send information to your subconscious mind: 





Thoughts and affirmations. You're already doing this to yourself all day long, you just do it on autopilot so it's not as easy to see. When two people laugh two offices down and you think "they're probably laughing at me," that's an interpretation your subconscious mind will "hear." When you consider applying to a specific job but you first think, "I'll never land that kind of money," your subconscious mind complies. Think of the subconscious mind as a robot that will do whatever you say, good or ill. You say "I'm experiencing X," and it says, "Yes you are. Let me organize your memories and thoughts to coincide with X." Visualization. Daydreaming. You do this all the time when you picture the worst-case scenario. Or you fail to do it at all, and you don't see what a positive outcome could even look like. As usual, your subconscious mind says "Okay, that's our experience? Then that's what I'll prepare for." Writing and talking. When you write a message or tell a friend something, you're also telling it to yourself. "I suck with women" is not just a message you send to someone else, it's a message you send to your subconscious mind,

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex because your subconscious mind is always listening. "Yeah, I suck with women," it says, because it doesn't know any better. It just goes off of what it experiences, and the experiences you're giving it aren't that good. There is also a degree to which your subconscious mind filters reality. Some thoughts have a higher "volume" to your subconscious than others. Here are two ways you can adjust the volume: 



Relevance to beliefs. If you interpret a rejection as an implication on your self-worth, then you'll remember the pain of that rejection so long as you're willing to carry it. If, however, you're in the moment and you simply laugh to yourself, you're instantly dismissing the relevance of this event to your beliefs. Your subconscious mind says "Oh, the conscious mind doesn't give a shit? Then I don't have to, either." I find when I do this that I often forget the embarrassment altogether. The subconscious mind is powerful. Emotional relevance. You have more choice over your emotions than you know, and when you take a harsh rejection with a stunned blow to your pride, that's a sting that you'll carry with you. But you'll also remember intense points of joy; a sibling's wedding, a child's birth, etc. Experiencing strong emotions tells your subconscious mind that something is relevant and needs to be retained in memory, and that your beliefs need to coincide with your experience.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Now that you know how your conscious mind interacts with your subconscious mind, and vice versa, it's time to get to the first tool for changing your subconscious beliefs and therefore your experience with reality itself. It's time to give yourself some new experiences via visualization. Visualization: As Good As Physical Experience In “Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz, he relates the following stories: In 1960, a study at the University of Chicago divided up people into three groups: one group would practice free throws, another would visualize free throws, and the third group would do nothing. After thirty days, the first two groups improved by 24% and 23% respectively. Their conclusion? Invisible practice still gets results. Charles B. Roth tells us in an old book on sales that one particularly successful group of men in Detroit would learn how to sell by "role-playing," by taking on any possible objection a customer might have by first rehearsing it in their mind. Artur Schnabel, the concert pianist, insisted that he mostly hated the physical keyboard of the piano and only practiced in his head. Golfer Ben Hogan said he doesn't take a shot until he first sees and feels it in his head. One thing is clear: as far as the subconscious mind is concerned, even the imagined experienced is legitimate so long as it is vivid.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Because your experiences and your thoughts are two of the most powerful ways in which you influence your subconscious mind, and because your subconscious mind clearly does not distinguish actual events from vividly-imagined events, visualization is one of the most powerful tools you have for changing what you expect to experience. This is the exact method through which I mentally rehearsed having women dance with me, having people buy me drinks, etc. Start getting used to the idea of yourself as a confident man. Start experiencng it before you experience it. A List of Visualization Tools Your imagination: You can have everything you want right now, if you're willing to put in the effort to make it vivid and real. You can choose to close your eyes and experience the imagination version of whatever you want. This is a power we all have, yet how many of us refuse to enjoy it? Maxwell Maltz recommends taking some 30 minutes daily to rehearse through a scenario where you can mentally envision a situation in the following ways: 

Vividness. You need to feel, smell, and see everything about the scenario. Make it as real as possible.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex





Your ideal self. Live through the scenario and watch yourself play through it in the most ideal way possible. For example, you might imagine yourself moving through a party with total ease and relaxation. Don't put any of this off to the future. Choose to experience it - and the feeling - now. You're giving yourself an experience, not a hope. Feel good. Give the experience emotional relevance so that not only it feels good, but that your subconscious mind says "oh, this is relevant input. I'll change my expectations and beliefs accordingly."

Mind movies: Inspirational movies with affirmations, pictures, videos, etc. I like to make my own, which takes a lot of effort, but you can find many on YouTube simply by searching for “Mind movie health” or “Mind movie relationships.” Pictures: I download a lot of pictures of what I want. Any time I come across a cool living room or something like that, I save it to a thumb drive so I can always refer to it later. Many people print out pictures and hang a vision board above their desk so they can see the same images over and over. Critical Steps Some rules: 



Make your visualization vivid. As I just wrote, you need to feel as if you had an authentic experience. The vividness of your imagination is what makes that happen. Don't be attached to your visualization coming true. Focus instead on your visualization being an "experience,” 32

The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex





something that has already happened. Feel good about it. It’s your new evidence that your life is changing. You are literally creating your own evidence in life; your brain will know what to do with the rest if you keep creating this evidence. It will start accepting your visualizations as part of your reality. But if you have the mindset of 'my visualization and my regular life are SO DIFFERENT," then that's the reality you'll create for yourself. Look at the visualizations as a way to experience without experiencing, as a way to have what you want, right now. Maxwell Maltz recommends that you consciously "let go" of outcome once the event you've been mentally rehearsing - the party, the job interview, whatever it is - and focus on something very basic, like simply walking into the room. This allows you to relax and let your subconscious guide you more naturally. Try to come up with a specific "imaginary scenario" where you capture a “slice” of what it is you want. It can be anything. Picture women coming up to you on the street and grabbing your ass. Picture your wedding day. Your imagination isn't limited by any particularly budget, so really go all out and enjoy yourself. Emotion. Your visualization experiences should be relevant to your subconscious mind. Don't go through the motions. Really choose to feel excited, happy, and good when you imagine yourself experiencing these things. This makes your new affirmation more powerful than the less-emotional negative affirmations you might have.

The action steps:

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex 1. Get out your notepad. 2. Using your results from the previous exercises, create a short list of imaginary scenarios that typify exactly what you want. 3. Utilize as many tools as you like, but set aside 20 minutes every night before you go to bed to visualize one or more scenarios of your specific goals. You can use mind movies, look at vision boards, etc., throughout the day. But this is your time. You have to imagine yourself in the present enjoying the exact thing you want. I like to "plant" my imaginary self in a situation and then let the story go from there. A good routine: Do 20 minutes at night sitting still, ala meditation, simply living your imagination. Then in the mornings, open up a favorite YouTube mind movie. 4. Go to bed by imagining more of your scenario and really enjoying it, after the 20 minutes are done. 5. Extra credit. Rehearse specific scenarios: job interviews, approaching women, etc. Or find something you want to do, like learn guitar, and try practicing that mentally for 15 minutes a day for a few weeks. Then pick up a real guitar and watch just how powerful your mind is.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex

Affirmations and Autosuggestion I don't know what's spookier: when you picture an exact scenario for yourself that then plays We possess in ourselves an out in reality, or incalculable force which is often when you simply prejudicial to us, if we handle it repeat something to unconsciously. If, on the contrary, we yourself and it comes direct it in a conscious and wise to pass. manner, it gives us the mastery of ourselves and enables us, not only to If you've read the save ourselves from physical and chapter thus far, you mental ills and ailments, but also help have an idea of how from others; and to live in to start living more comparative happiness under any and confidently as a all conditions. matter of imagination -Emile Coue and not willpower: visualization. You I decided to revive a long-lost interest can visualize yourself and try my hand at cartooning. But it as confident and was an unlikely dream, considering suave (or, indeed, my complete lack of artistic talent and visualize any life you the rarity of success stories in that business. So I decided to try want) for about something called affirmations ... I twenty minutes every bought some art supplies, practiced night. drawing every morning before work, and wrote my affirmation fifteen Think of those times a day: "I, Scott Adams, will be visualizations as a famous cartoonist." "placing an order." It’s like telling the -Scott Adams, famous cartoonist 35

The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex pizza place what kind of pie to make you – but in this case, the pizza place is the subconscious mind. Sometimes just placing the “order” via visualization is enough. You place it, you receive it, and you don't even have to tip a driver. But other times, you'll notice that you wake up and go about your day and you feel as though nothing has changed, despite your better efforts. "Argh," you mutter to yourself yourself. "I knew it. Why can't I receive the actual answer to inner confidence and charm? That eBook I read is full of shit!" Little did you know it but you're actually "cancelling your order" all day long. Imagine if you had placed an order with a pizza place one minute, but then called them back twenty times to tell you not to bring the pizza. "Fine, fine," they'll say. "We'll cancel it. Just stop calling us." When it comes to your subconscious view of yourself, the same exact thing can happen. You place an order with visualization...and then you go through your daily life telling your mind the exact opposite. This is happening through a principle known as autosuggestion. Today it's best known as "affirmations." What are affirmations? They're simply thoughts that you have to yourself. You already have them all day long. "Argh, I'm so awkward" is an affirmation. "I'll probably get rejected if I ask her out" is another.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex If you want to change your inner confidence, you're going to have to change it at its root cause: the very thoughts you choose to indulge. This isn't necessarily easy. It can be tough mental work. Undoing the habit of negativity can sometimes feel like trying to redirect a river. But if you stick with it, you'd be amazed at the changes that can happen in your life. If you believe that you're confident and someone insults you, your first instinct isn't to pout and fret...instead you'll notice your subconscious feeding you something hilarious to say instead. But in all honesty, when you do make these changes, not all of them will seem that miraculous. When you've truly convinced your subconscious mind that you're a confident, attractive person, and you start getting confident, attractive person results...it will feel natural. As if you were this way all along. How to Use Affirmations for Self-Confidence In Napoleon Hill's "Law of Success in Sixteen Lessons," he relates the story of a young salesman with no confidence. This man fund his company’s list of the most difficult leads and then went to the park. In the park, he would read every single lead’s name and affirm that he would make the sale to them within thirty days. He accomplished just that. Some sales were made at first, some along the way, but one held out the entire month.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex The lesson I get from this is not to hound people on sales calls. The lesson was how the young salesman started. He didn't start by making his sales calls and hoping for the best. He started by going to the city park, reading his list of names, and building his self-confidence from the inside. Then he took the action. Cory Skyy relates a similar story. After suffering a terrible setback, he started growing his confidence from the ground up by looking in the mirror and giving himself positive affirmations, making sure never to break eye contact. Over the course of several months, he noticed his entire life changing around him. Lifestyle coach Brent Smith relates story about a friend who used to shout crazy things in the shower, things like "I'm attracting women now!" and "I'm the man! I'm awesome." Brent thought he was nuts...until it started working. What is going on here? Why is confidence arriving before the actual in-person evidence? The relationship between thought and action is far more powerful than most people think; they just don't take much care to adjust the thoughts they have all day, so they never notice their actions changing. But if you sincerely walk around with a new lease on life because you've decided to change your thoughts at the core level, you'll stop believing that your past is your destiny. You'll start believing that what you think in the present is what really determines your destiny.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Four Types of Affirmations and How to Do Them

Visualization gives your mind a target to work on and gives yourself a new experience. Affirmations fill in much of the rest. Affirmations are kind of like the food your mind eats. If you eat nothing but candy bars and soda all day, then you're going to get a bad body. Garbage in, garbage out. If you stick to a more wholesome diet, however, your body is going to respond in kind. It works the same way with thoughts. If you visualize once every week and think bad thoughts the rest of the week, then you're not going to grow more confident...the same way you can't expect to lose weight simply because you ate a vegetable one day this week. Affirmations are where the daily experience of the conscious mind and the "overall" experience of the subconscious mind meet. And you'd better believe that your subconscious mind is listening to everything you do, say, think, and write. That's why there are a few options you have when it comes to affirmations: 1. 2. 3. 4.

Written Affirmations Verbal/Mental Affirmations Mirror Affirmations Gratitude Affirmations

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Experiment with them all. Scott Adams of Dilbert has attributed his success to written affirmations. Cory Skyy swears by mirror affirmations. Brent Smith is big on gratitude affirmations. But they're all essentially the same thing: food for your mind. Remember: your mind will not distinguish between any thought said in faith, no matter how real or unreal it is. If you say "Man, I suck with girls" with total faith, that's what your subconscious mind will hold on to. If you say, "wow, I'm sexy" with the same faith...you know what will happen. But don't think about affirmations as will-powering your way to success. Willpower is not how the subconscious mind works. It's how the conscious mind often thinks, but the subconscious mind only cares about what you believe and what you imagine to be real. That's why there are a few rules on how to best optimize your affirmations throughout the day. What Every Affirmation Should Be: 



Present tense. "I will be successful" is not as powerful as "I am successful." If you want something to come about, you have to believe that the result is real and present, now. If your subconscious minds believes something is in the future, then it will probably stay in the future. Positive, not a double negative. Why? Try not to think of a pink elephant. You just thought of a pink elephant! And that's what your subconscious is getting. That's why "I am

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex



confident" is 1000x better than "I am no longer shy." Remember the pink elephant. Go toward where you want to go, not away from where you want to leave. It makes all the difference. You don’t get into a car and say “okay, take me away from here.” You tell it, “go to Atlanta, Georgia.” Brief. Try to create no more than 1-7 that you can repeat to yourself without consulting any notes. This is for repeatability and for convenience.

Critical Steps The more affirming you can do, the more likely it is that you'll have success. I've had success with a number of methods, but the best is to simply notice every time you have the wrong thought ("I'm shy," or daydreaming about rejection), to stop yourself as soon as possible, and to take the time and energy to replace it with a new thought. Then you do your best to relax and go about whatever it was you were already doing. If you're not as good at that, you might try simply doing a series of affirmations throughout your day while on a bathroom break. The key is: you want to keep planting seeds for your subconscious mind all day long, because this is the battleground between your new belief and the real world. You have to choose to see the world differently for your subconscious mind to respond. 1. Get out your notepad. 2. Create a one sentence affirmation that follows the rules above: it should be positive, present tense, and brief. "I am confident all day long and beautiful women constantly hit

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex on me" is an example. Memorize your affirmation, because you'll be using it all day long. 3. Create a longer affirmation you can use at other times when you want to get more immersive. A paragraph. Remember: keep it in positive language. "I am confident all day long. Everywhere I go, I have a smile on my face and people are charmed by me. Beautiful women are everywhere, and they constantly ask me out. I have tons of fun with them and have a blast everywhere I go, because I always bring the party with me." You get the idea. If you must, keep this paragraph in your pocket so you can use it during the day. 4. Don't try to make it feel good. If you're doing it right, it should feel good as a consequence of doing it correctly. That's emotional feedback that tells you your subconscious has received the message. 5. Any time during the day you feel the opposite or think the opposite of your affirmation, stop yourself and replace it. "I am confident all day long and beautiful women constantly hit on me." Make sure you feel good, and then go about your day as normal in a spirit of expecting it to be true. Emile Coue, one of the people who made "autosuggestion" famous in the first place, insists that you should feel relaxed about it. Don't make it a willpower thing. You can't willpower your subconscious into accepting something. You simply think new thoughts and let the subconscious find its own conclusions.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex

Inner Confidence Odds and Ends And...truth be told, that's just about it. Those are the big fundamental secrets. You have the principles necessary to achieve a different sort of confidence than people are used to: real faith. Real expectation that what you want in life is not only going to come into your life, but is already coming into your life. If you're doing affirmations and visualizations the right way, you should feel like your problem has vanished within one or two days. It happens that quickly. You might not have the Before enlightenment chop wood, carry immediate symptoms water. After enlightenment, chop wood, of success yet (say, carry water. maybe no woman has asked you out yet), -Zen saying but if you're persistent in affirmation and visualization, you should immediately feel as good as though success has already happened. Any problems you previously had with worry and confidence should be gone within 1-2 days. If they're not, re-read this chapter until it starts falling in line. That isn't to say, however, that you know everything there is to know about affirmation and visualization. I certainly don't. There

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex are a lot of odds and ends to inner confidence that play an important part of who you'll become, and it's important to remember them. And there are ways to make your path to success and confidence even more efficient if you're willing to try them. The most important: taking consistent action. Action: Put Yourself in the Position to Succeed Thought and action are not so separate as you might think. I like to think of action as the "thought" of the physical world, and thought as the "action" of the mental world. In other words, your thoughts and actions need to be in alignment toward your goals. You need to start “showing up for success.” Yes, I do believe that something bordering on magical happens when you start visualizing and affirming your goals to yourself. Your goals seem drawn to you in inexplicable ways. But I'm not advocating that you become a monk on a mountaintop, forever disconnected from the world. If you want success to find you, you have to make yourself easy for success to find. You wouldn't hope to win $100 million in the lottery without physically going to the gas station to buy a ticket, would you? Sure, you could hope that someone would come along and gift you a ticket so you never have to do anything...but it's a lot easier to just go and buy a ticket.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex

Never give in — never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. -Winston Churchill

If you want women to find you, you're going to have to make yourself easy for them. That's why one of the first pieces of advice I have for men is to find some social hobbies and go out at least 2-3

times per week. More on that later. Taking action is where the rubber meets the road, where you find out just how far your inner confidence has really come along. If going outside and meeting women still makes you anxious, then you know that you need to do some adjusting with both your inner work and your outer work. If, however, the prospect sounds fun and you go out and women approach you...then you know that you're on the right track. Does this excuse you from any of the inner confidence work? Hell no. Your thoughts and your actions should be aligned. You should visualize yourself having success, you should affirm to yourself that you have success, and your actions should be about putting yourself in the right place. Remember our work from earlier in this chapter? You wrote down all sorts of details about the ideal kind of woman for you. That means you also know where this kind of woman is likely to hang out, what kind of events they attend, etc. It's time to put

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex yourself in alignment with her and start attending those same events. Not to creep on women, mind you. But you're not going to become the kind of person you want to attract unless your actions somewhat resemble their actions. Your Brain is Always Watching You know how "actions are the thoughts of the physical world, and thoughts are the actions of the mental world"? It's more true than you know. The only thing that I see that is distinctly different about me is, I'm not afraid to die on a treadmill. Right? I will run...I will not be outworked. Period. You might have more talent than me, you might be smarter than me, you might be sexier than me, you might be all of those things, you got it on me in nine categories. But if we get on the treadmill together, right, there's two things: you're getting off first, or I'm going to die.

Your subconscious mind is always active. It's the "eternal mind." It's awake when you're asleep. It's listening to your visualizations and affirmations, yes, but it's also listening to your other thoughts. It's also watching what you do on a daily basis.

-Will Smith

Everything that you do, your subconscious brain is watching, looking to form assumptions and

“

The subconscious mind is not "smart" the way you think it is. It works solely on faith. It simply believes whatever you feed it, for good or bad.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex beliefs based on what it sees. And it sees actions just as well as thoughts. If you walk into a room and put your head down, your subconscious thinks, "this is a fearful situation. I'm not confident here. I'll act accordingly." If you walk into a room and smile, your subconscious thinks, "I'm in a good mood." It will completely change how you interact with that room, whether you realize it or not. If you slack off at work and at cheese doodles at your desk, your subconscious thinks, "oh, I don't take this job very seriously." It will actively work to keep you from getting that promotion because it doesn't believe you should get it. Everything - EVERYTHING - that you think and do, your subconscious is listening and obeying. If it ever feels like the world is against you, it's likely because you don't see that this is the case, that everything you think and do on a daily basis - not just your visualizations and affirmations - is feeding your subconscious mind information that it uses. You might not be eternally vigilant, but you'd better believe that your subconscious mind is. If you read this chapter, do an affirmation or two, say hi to one girl, and aren't overwhelmed by mobs of hot women blowing up your phone, you might think "well...this is all well and good, but I'm not sure it works for me."

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Well, no shit. You get out of life what you put into it. If you want better results, you're going to have to watch all of your thoughts and actions and start questioning what you're telling your subconscious mind. When you're too afraid to talk to that "one girl" in your college class...when you're too afraid to say "hello" to a beautiful woman in the street...these aren't just results. These are actions. Actions that your subconscious mind is listening to and using to form opinions about you and the world. Focus Like a Laser Beam If I had a dime every time I asked a guy, "well, what is it that you want?" and they weren't able to give me an answer... Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.

There's a reason I started this chapter figuring what it is that you want. It's the first step in creating laser-sharp focus. Why is focus so important? Focus is the difference between a sunny day...and a magnifying glass starting a leaf on fire. Focus is the difference between traveling to the east coast...and traveling to the Lincoln Memorial in D.C. If you know

-Calvin Coolidge 48

The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex what it is you want, you'll not only make all of your thoughts and actions that much more efficient, but it will help you find the fastest possible route to its achievement. Focus allows you to easily set the terms of your own success. Focus is the difference between advice like "go out and meet people" and "look up local charity events and introduce yourself to at least five people." Focus makes your most vague desires actionable. Much as we hate to admit it to ourselves, our energy is finite. And when we just try to "will" our asses to the gym when we're already exhausted, we run the risk of burning out. Focus changes all that. Focus says, "I want this specific thing to happen. Now, how can I make it happen?” Focus isn't just "I want to travel to the Lincoln Memorial." Focus is also about strategy, sticking to a systematic plan of action that will take you to where you want to go. Focus says "I'll use Google Maps to find the most efficient route, then I'll set a goal of X miles per day until I get there." Focus means knowing what to do with yourself at the beginning of the day. One of the best tips for productivity I ever learned was sitting down in the morning and writing down five things you want to achieve that day. You start with the most important and work your way down.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex It's simple, but devastatingly effective. Why? Because it gives you focus. It not only requires to sit down and specifically work out your focused goal, but it creates an action plan for its achievement. It says "Once I do this, I do that next." It takes all of the willpower and guesswork and decision fatigue from your day and puts it on a little piece of paper. To use focus to achieve your confidence goals, do exactly that. You'll see the action steps at the end of this page. Persistence If you give up after two days, you're not doing it right. Yes, I've told you that if you're putting yourself in alignment with your goals properly, it will probably feel like your problems are solved almost immediately. You'll be invigorated with a sense of purpose and faith that everything is going to be all right, and everything is going to turn out well for you. But that doesn't mean that if it's not working, you should give up. Instead, you should look to correct whatever it is that's getting in your way. There's a difference between adapting to circumstances and giving up entirely. Adapting says "this isn't working, let me try something new." Quitting says, "fuck it, I'm going to watch porn and jerk off and try this all again tomorrow." To quote Fight Club, this is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex You don't have the time to do anything but persist. You think you do, but you don't. On your deathbed, you won't regret all those times you tried and failed. You'll regret all those times you never tried. You won't regret hard work. You'll regret ever capitulating to circumstances. You won't regret plowing ahead. You'll regret letting fear get the best of you. You'll be willing to trade all the days from this day to that to come back to being young and telling the world, "this is how I want it, and I'm going to have it." Don't give up. Critical Steps Action steps: 1. Get out your notepad. 2. Refer to your original goals from the first section in this chapter. Now, on a fresh sheet of paper, write out a list of five actions you can take to put yourself in the same "location" as the opportunities. If your goal is to attract women, it might include "speed dating events" and "saying hello to people at the beach." Whatever you want. Don't worry about results for now, or how difficult it will be. Just write down some do-able actions that you know you can

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex take. Don't worry if they seem too small to be effective. The goal is to start aligning your actions with your goals. 3. For focus, start implementing the habit of writing down three action steps for you to take that week. You can use suggestions from the previous step. Then don't worry about the action you're taking other than crossing items off that list. This eliminates decision fatigue and allows you to focus on feeling good and visualizations and affirmations. Make sure that your action steps are in line with your goals. 4. The Key: Give yourself action steps that are systems, not goals. "Ask a woman out" is better than "get a date" because you can ask a woman out, fail, and still be in line with your system. It's not about results at this point, it's about action. Don't say "get a new job," say "apply to ten new jobs." You're focusing on showing up for success, and trusting the inner confidence and visualizations and affirmations to align the rest. 5. Listen to Calvin Coolidge.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex

Chapter Two: Natural Charisma I’ll never forget when I figured this one out. I was back in college, and still inexperienced with women. Sometimes I felt as if I could flirt with women, attract their interest, only to watch nothing happen. This pattern happened over and over again. One woman in particular seemed to delight in teasing me. She would invite me to her dorm room and then kick me out. She would ask me for favors. And I would do them. Then, I heard the lessons you’re about to read, and I said, “that’s it. I don’t care how I come across anymore. I live in my own reality, and I’m the start of my own story. And I’m going to act like it.” The next time I saw her, it was as if she knew my intentions. She was ready to test my frame. “Can you take me to the movies?” My response? A casual, but firm “no.” Just “no.” She blinked. To my surprise, she didn’t throw a fit. She didn’t yell at me. Instead, when we both attended a party in the dorms that night, she started flirting with more than ever before.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex It might seem counter-intuitive, until you learn just how powerful it means to be the “hero of your own story” and the master of your own reality. After all, what is charisma? Charisma is the ability to draw someone else into your world, win them over to your side, and accept your frame of reference as the accurate frame of reference. This word - "frame" - has a lot of connotations. What is it? It's hard to define, but I'll give it a shot: your "frame" is the reference from which you observe the world. When you have a strong frame, you tend to draw other people into it. When you have a weak frame, you tend to fall into others' reference points. The stronger your frame, the more relaxed and confident you'll be; the weaker your frame, the more self-conscious. You "have frame" when your view of reality dominates the room. You "lose frame" when you place too much importance on the other person's view of you. The dance between your frame and my frame is the basis for a great many social interactions: 

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Men "ribbing" each other is a light attempt to see who will "lose frame" first. Quick wit is a sign that you're relaxed and not self-conscious; when you lose the wit, it's a sign that you've lost frame. This is why you've seen countless movies of a guy "losing" when he doesn't have a comeback. It's a frequent theme in pickup circles that women will test a man's frame to see if he's as confident as he's expressing.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex

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There is actually no way to "pass" these tests; with proper frame, you merely dismiss their legitimacy. A political debate is less about substance and more about which politician seems in "command." It's another word for "frame-holder." Many people believed that Bill Clinton won against George H.W. Bush in 1992 not because of his substance, but because of unflinching eye contact and charismatic delivery. James Bond is seen as "suave" because he rarely loses his cool - he never loses "frame." Even when he's locked up by supervillains or betrayed by some saucy minx, his frame remains somehow independent of his circumstances.  Watch the film “Gandhi” to see that you One man asked me why it is can maintain a powerful that he was trying to attract a frame while being “model” into his life but he had nonviolent and wishing no success. I asked him, “well, your neighbors well. if a supermodel walked into Frame is not lashing out this room, what would you nor is it cowering in fear. do?” He stuttered and Sometimes, frame is stammered. He didn’t know. merely not flinching. Then I asked, “If a supermodel were to enter your life, would Frame is attitude. In her life improve because of it? short, frame is Or would you make her sit everything. around and watch you play video games?” Ask yourself if your life is worth a woman’s time. 55

The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex But I'll take it a step further and say that practicing frame is to building suaveness what lifting large weights is to building muscle. How strong is your reality? Strong enough to draw other people into it, or so weak that you walk from frame to frame, accepting everyone else's view of the world? This is an abstract concept, having a powerful frame of mind, but there are tangible ways you can improve your frame and, thus, your confidence.

On Frame and Suaveness: Having a Strong Reality You're already a master of frame. You just don't know it. Why? Because one can actually have a strong frame and still turn people off. Think about the word "frame" for a minute. Let's consider the metaphor of a frame on a window. What's the actual content that fills the window? If your window is full of positive beliefs about yourself - that you are high-value, that you are kind, that you are generous, that you are worth knowing - then you're going to have a heck of a lot of fun talking to people.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex If your window is full of negative beliefs about yourself - that you're low value, that you have no friends, that you're a loser then you're going to have your work cut out for you. It's possible to believe 100% that you're strong and high value...and believe 100% that you're weak, and low-value. It's not only the quality of the belief that matters, but the content of it. If you know with 100% certainty that you're a social doofus, then guess what? Your frame will win out every single time. But if you know with 100% certainty that you're high-value, that your life is interesting, that knowing you is fun, then that frame will win out, too. Becoming suave isn't just about having a strong sense of your own reality; it's filling that reality up with fun and positive things. Take a minute here and think about your own life, your own reality. How do you walk through a day in your life? Would someone else find that life worth entering? If someone enters your reality for a day, are they better off for it? If a beautiful woman were to enter your life, would her life improve, or would grow...bored? Let's fix that. Tools to Improve and Strengthen Frame Don't look at frame, except in rare occasions, as something that you "do," or as a technique. Don’t tell them “no” because of the

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex story you read earlier. Frame has to be something you are as a matter of course in your life. Trying to "win frame" with someone when you have no frame to speak of is pointless...you might as well try to flex your muscles when you haven't been to the gym in a year. Frame is built day-by-day, activity by activity. Frame is built by good habits, by meeting new people, by exposing yourself to failure and coming through clean on the other end. You can't buy frame with gold. With frame, you pay the iron price. Tool #1: Expose Yourself to Failure and Rejection     

Be bold in job interviews Approach beautiful women everywhere Talk to everyone everywhere Keep trying for that one thing you've always wanted to do Be a newb in a social situation: take a class somewhere

No, don't go out and try to get rejected; that's stupid and I’d never advocate that. That's replacing confidence with boldness. No, what you want to do is actually try to succeed, thus "exposing" yourself to the possibility of failure. On a daily basis, you should expose yourself to failure in some way. This is a KEY point: approach beautiful women not only to see if they're interested, but to build yourself up into a better person.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex There is no reason you should not expose yourself to this lifealtering skill. When you fail, it's like working out until failure in the gym: you're forcing yourself to grow stronger. If you get embarrassed, you have to start learning a habit like being internally-validating, because there's no other choice. Eventually, your voice loosens, and deepens. You talk louder. You give more eye contact. All that failure and social awkwardness is not for nothing: with it, you grow stronger socially. Tool #2: Overcoming Non-Suave Challenges in Your Life     

Take a cold shower Exercise: run faster, swim longer, lift more Ditch a bad habit and resist temptations Take effort towards your dream every day Daily, monthly, and yearly goal-setting

Tool #1 is by far your most important tool, but it also helps to see yourself as someone who overcomes challenges. Frame, after all, is not only about socializing; it's also about your approach to life itself. When you're on the last lap of a 10k, the physical pain will challenge your frame. What wins out? The pain, or your will to succeed? When you get another rejection from a publisher, it will challenge your frame that you're a good writer. What wins out? The rejection, or your confidence in future success?

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex When you try stand-up comedy for the first time, you'll get heckled. What wins out? When you're tempted to smoke that cigarette despite the fact that you said you'd quit, what wins out? Your will to succeed, or a craving? Are you more than your pain? Are you more than rejection? Are you worth more than some craving? Hell yes. When you're tested to your limit, I want you to ask yourself: what the hell wins out? You'll know the answer, and your frame will be the stronger for it. Gale Sayers of the Chicago Bears wrote once that he worked so hard in the off-season that when training camp came around, it seemed like a relief. Overcome difficult challenges. Test your mettle. Work so hard that when time comes for you to talk to people and flex your frame muscle, it feels like a walk in the park. Tool #3: Control Your Thoughts   

Meditation 15 minutes daily Affirmations (as per chapter one) Visualization (as per chapter one)

Since your frame is basically the sum total of your daily thoughts, learning how to change those daily thoughts is an essential key to changing your frame. Tool #4: Handle “Frame Tests”

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex A frame test is something that people will throw your way to see if you'll lose your poise/cool and enter in their frame. An example might be a woman saying "you're just a player!" By saying "you're just a player," she's announcing her reality as she sees it, trying to see if it will hold ground against yours. If you lose your cool, get flustered, or enter her frame in any other way, the test will "work" and you'll lose the good vibrations. So what do you do? How to respond to a frame test: 

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Never lose your cool. Losing your cool is the first and most immediate sign that your frame test has failed. Stay cool, baby, ice cold. Ignore. Not a great solution, but it generally beats overreacting, losing your cool, etc. Simply move on with the conversation. Shut down. This isn't my favorite, because it's not generally smooth, but at least it shows that you're not going to take any guff. Agree/disagree and amplify. We're getting a little closer. If someone says "you are just a player, aren't you?" you might disagree and say "Actually, I'm a virgin...and I'm really sensitive about it. Thanks!" in a clearly joking tone. Or you might agree and say..."Yeah, thanks! I'm actually thinking about turning pro." Point is, you're not taking a frame test seriously, which means you're “passing it.”

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex The key takeaway: frame tests do not get "passed." More on this later. If you're trying to "pass" a frame test, you've already failed because you've entered into the idea that it's a test that has meaning. Instead, you should just dismiss it amusedly. Key Takeaways 

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"Frame" is your reality: the window from which you perceive the world. If it's strong, and the beliefs are positive, you will be suave - it's that simple. The key to frame is not dominating others. It's merely refusing to flinch. Frame is not a technique. It's a strength you build by the way you live your life: conquering obstacles, pushing past your boundaries, learning to be self-validating in the face of rejection. Your frame comes from you. YOU set it. No one can set it for you. It is YOU who must assert yourself as a high value individual and believe in the same. There is no "passing" frame tests - there is only dismissing their value.

Social Proof: The “Oldest Trick in the Book” One of my friends used to work in a coffee shop. You know, one of those little indie places where hipsters come to eschew the big chains. The pay wasn't very good, but her boss said that she could

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex put out a tip jar as long as she didn't ask customers to contribute to it. So she did. She took an empty jar from home, found a post-it note, and wrote on it with big permanent marker: "TIPS." The first day, no one even noticed it. She tried a bunch of things, moving the jar forward, putting it on top of the register, even changing the style of marker she used. Occasionally someone dropped in a buck. But she still couldn't just point to it or ask people to tip her. Then, one day, when she picked up someone else's evening shift, one of her co-workers showed her the secret to getting more tips without asking for them. He took out a five-dollar bill and a few singles from his wallet and dropped them in the tip jar at the beginning of their shift. Customers saw the jar, saw that people had been dropping money in, and figured that they were expected to do the same. By the end of that day, the tip jar was almost full of ones and fives. When it comes to your social life, you can approach people in one of two ways: with your tip jar empty or you tip jar already full of cash. Which do you think is better?

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Social Proof: A Definition Social proof is a concept that goes back to Robert Cialdini's "Persuasion" and beyond. It's "the oldest trick in the book." It's why sports drinks pays millions to athletes to drink their sugar water, and it's why people keep on buying it. We tend to value things based on their perceived social value, and often not on their actual value. On a more basic level, social proof simply refers to the idea that people judge social value based on social cues. You know that old phrase “never judge a book by its cover”? Well, that’s exactly what we do. All the time. And it works. And here’s a secret you need to face: people are already doing it to you. I was volunteering with a group at a local school once, and we were talking about something similar to this concept. The teacher asked the students to make guesses about what kind of music we listened to based on how we were dressed. I was shocked when one of the kids got it exactly right. “He looks like he listens to classical music.” At the time, it was all I listened to. I didn’t know what it was about me that gave off the vibe; now, I know it was everything about me back then: the conservative clothes, the conservative haircut, the nerdy vibe, the fact that I

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex didn’t look like I went to very many parties where they played pop or hip-hop. That kid figured me out with one look. Don’t think adults aren’t doing the exact same thing to the way you present yourself.

How to Increase Your Basic Social Proof Basically, all you have to do to build basic social proof from the ground up is to talk to people in a friendly way, and do it a lot: 

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Take up a variety of social activities. This will help you meet tons of people in general, and the fact that you always have something to "do" will give you an added aura of being busy, which is always good. Talk to everyone. If you're in college, talk to the people near you before class starts - especially on that first day of class when people are just forming their impressions of each other. Be normal. Don't fret about talking to the beautiful woman across from you; talk to her and the guy next to you and the old commuter behind you. You'll be considered talkative and "popular" from the very first and you've barely taken any time out of your day. This applies everywhere you go: treat everyone as equals, all worthy of your time and energy. The key: when people see you talking to someone, they assume that you know them. Even if you don’t. You’ll be seen as someone with “connections.”

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Don't be a spectator. Perhaps the most important. You know those guys at weddings who sit in the corner and watch everyone nervously, holding their beer as if the beer was their best friend in the world and their sole protector? Don't be that guy. Get up and participate in the social event you're attending, even if it's just to say quick hellos to people. In any given situation, it's the spectators with the lowest social proof around. You want to be a participant in your own life; so be it. Take care of your looks. Hygiene, strength, fitness, etc. People, for better or worse, judge books by their cover. You may be a great book, but it doesn't hurt to optimize your cover as much as you can.

Of course, now we're touching on what I believe to be the single most powerful element of being "suave," "charismatic," or whatever you want to call it: innate social proof. Innate Social Proof: The "Girlfriend" Paradox Ever see the movie “Shallow Hal”? In the movie, Hal starts out as shallow. He loves only beautiful women, so he's a little pushy and desperate around them. In particular, he goes on a date with his neighbor across the hall Jill, who finally rebuffs his advances.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Then, Hal is hypnotized by Tony Robbins into seeing only the inner beauty in women. He starts having massive success with women because he's lowered his standards even though he doesn't know it...he's capable of dating anyone because he stopped getting in his own way. He finds Gwyneth Paltrow's character and comes to ignore Jill...who's so turned on by his newfound nonchalance that she

The girlfriend paradox: When you have a girlfriend, you lose the neediness of looking at other women as potential mates. Suddenly, attractive women seem to respond well to you. "Dammit," you think. "Why can't women do this when I'm single?"

eventually asks him out. Shallow Hal didn't necessarily have a ton of "social proof" because he wasn't living it up with beautiful women a la the Dos Equis guy. But what he did have was a ton of innate social proof, because in his mind, he had all the beautiful women he could handle. He no longer cared about Jill. He forgave her for rejecting him and went about his life. She doesn't see Hal around beautiful women...but the fact that he acts as though his life is full of beautiful women is enough for her. She thinks, "there's something changed about this guy..." That's innate social proof. Social proof you don't see, but you feel.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Okay, yeah, Shallow Hal is just a movie. But it's a pretty common phenomenon with guys who have a girlfriend: the "girlfriend paradox." Because there's a subtle shift in your vibe that you didn't have when you were single. The "girlfriend paradox" is a consequence of innate social proof: your own behaviors. Because you're no longer needy or overtly seeking the approval of attractive women, they can "smell" the fact that you have other options...and, of course, a guy with options is more attractive than a guy without options. Virgins of the world, are you ready for a bombshell? You do not need to have a girlfriend for this to happen. Innate social proof is all about what you bring to any given interaction at any point. Consider our example of the Dos Equis guy above...in the second picture, he still has more "social proof" than in the first picture simply because of how he's presenting himself. This is why I will tell you in a later section to be as “normal” as possible around beautiful woman. This is why "be yourself" is actually good dating advice. When you approach women with no neediness, they automatically assume you have something else going on in your life. If you walk up to a supermodel being the same awesome guy you are with your best friend, she goes "oh, this guy doesn't need

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex my approval, he acts like he already has the approval of beautiful women in his life. There must be beautiful women in his life." Innate social proof. So many women are approached constantly by guys who place them on a pedestal; to those lonely and creepy guys, this woman represents a singular chance to rescue themselves out of loneliness and desperation. But every once in a while, a guy approaches them that doesn't have this air of neediness about him; he comes to the interaction feeling "pre-fulfilled." Something is different about him. He gives off the vibe that he already has what she's selling, and so she assumes that that's the case. It isn't just with women. People make these same assumptions thanks to social proof...innate or otherwise. It's the way we're wired, as social creatures, because we don't always have a lot of information to go on. What information are you sending out to the world? How to Increase Your Innate Social Proof Basically all of this eBook is about this very subject, but let's throw a few basic points out there: 

Be normal, poised, and relaxed in extraordinary circumstances. This is what's so damn suave about James Bond; when we see him talk to a stunning woman like Vesper Lynd or execute a perfect car chase, we know that his life is always full of this kind of adventure because he's not

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awe-struck by any of it. If you're normal, poised, and relaxed around everyone...beautiful women, included...then, trust me, you won't be lonely for long. Always try to have fun. Fun-seeking is the mark of someone who's already fulfilled with their life and wants to experience pleasure. Other people who aren't fulfilled or satisfied are caught up in their worries, insecurities, and fears about who will approve of them. Start out with the assumption that everyone approves of you and look to make every interaction as fun as possible. Start picturing yourself as pre-fulfilled. Don't walk into a room looking to vampire the life-force and energy and social validation of others; walk into a room already feeling it from within. This isn't always easy, but it's necessary if you want to have the best possible social interactions. End interactions first. Men, memorize this phrase: "Okay, I've got to run." It's a magical phrase that will give your presence more of a charge, because people will realize that you value your time. You don't say why you're leaving first, you don't say "Okay, I've got to go back to living my awesome life of women, wine, and song..." but there's something a little high-value implied when you're usually the first to end an interaction. Make this a regular habit and you'll notice that people start to value your time more.

What Social Proof is Not It is not a reason to talk to only "high-value" people. Remember: innate social proof works wonders. You don't have to have Kate Upton on your arm to be considered cool; all you have to do is 70

The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex treat everyone around you well and people will automatically perceive the coolness that already exists. Do not use the concept of social proof as an excuse to stop being kind and generous to everyone. Social proof is not bragging. It never works like that. You can't "brag" your way to social proof. Social proof has to be real, demonstrable, or innate to the way you do things. Social proof is dancing with a beautiful woman; it's not saying "I dance with a lot of beautiful women!" Don't try to "hack" your way to social proof. Live it. Social proof is not being someone you're not. It's easy for people to tell when you're being genuine and when you're not, which is why I place such an emphasis on being normal and relaxed. But it's okay. Yes, you might make some mistakes when trying to "act cool" when talking to others, but sometimes doing it isn't always as easy as talking about it. But keep striving to be as normal and friendly as possible as a general rule and trust that social proof innate and otherwise - will do the rest.

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The Power In Being Yourself: Normal Want to be suave? Then be normal and relaxed and everything else will fall into place. It's not the sexiest tip, I know. People want to be smooth, charming, exceptional. And they think that to be exceptional, they need to act in a certain "suave" way to win people over. The problem: people can tell when you're behaving in an inauthentic way to gain their approval. They feel this unspoken "wall" between you two, and they shut off, consciously or unconsciously. Stop being a salesman. Assume that you're already valuable enough to be worth talking to. Start off from a place of "I am worth talking to." When you do that, you drop all of the "game" mentality, you relax, and you start to treat people the way you treat your friends--like a normal person. It's not a sexy tip, but believe me when I say it's a damn powerful way to walk around. Approaching New People Is Already Confident and Suave Repeat after me: walking up to someone and introducing yourself is already confidence enough. That's all you need to be suave.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Many people assume that in order to appear confident and suave, they need to pull off all of these amazing social tricks and techniques. Rubbish! When you walk up to someone and introduce yourself in a relaxed, normal way, guess what? You're already coming across as confident. It requires confidence to do that. No extra confidence required! Think about it this way: how many men do you actually know who can go up to someone new and initiate a conversation at will? It’s rare. The problem is too many guys go way overboard and assume they need to be a stand-up comedian or James Bond to win people over after they've already introduced themselves. This thought that you need to win people over is part of what's driving them away. By approaching them as someone who needs to be sold the concept of you, you're activating something within them that says "wait...something weird is going on here...I don't know why, but I need to withhold my approval." If, however, you walk up to them and act like they're already won over and therefore you don't need to use any special tricks or techniques...well, that alarm doesn't go off. Instead they think, "finally, a refreshingly cool guy who isn't trying to 'sell' me on himself."

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex You see, you were the one who introduced himself. You already get suave points just for doing that. That's exceptional, because lots of people have trouble doing exactly that. Let the confidence of simply walking up be enough suaveness for one interaction. After that, relax and enjoy the conversation. Guys, you must start from a place of "I am already enough, I am worth knowing." If you don't, you can try every technique in the world and it won't work because people will smell the desperation for approval underneath it. Treat Everyone Like They're Already Your Friend What's the secret to making friends? Treat people like they're your friends. Even the shyest among us can be goofy, fun, and extroverted when we're around people we trust the most. It's a role we play because we know that the other person expects us to be ourselves. What if you treated everyone this way? You'd be your normal self all the time. When women say "be yourself," they are not lying to you. They want you to drop the bullshit approval-seeking and be refreshingly normal. Imagine the life of a supermodel for one moment. They can’t walk around without bending reality around them. Women get jealous.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Men flirt with them, brag, or are too nervous to look them in the eye. Their beauty colors all of their interactions. Then, someone comes along and treats them like an old friend, even though they’ve just met. He appears to not even notice the “warped reality” around this woman. Something about him is different. Be different. Be the normal one. Want Suave Points? Stay Normal and Relaxed Even in Tough Situations Okay, you like the idea of being normal, of treating people like they're already your friends. You get it. But still, you figure this is an eBook about being extraordinary and you want to learn be extraordinary. What can you do? The art of being suave is the art of being normal in extraordinary circumstances. What makes James Bond exciting and hilarious? It's that he keeps his sense of normal even in the most thrilling, ludicrously Hollywood of circumstances. When the pressure goes up, Bond doesn't become different, he simply stays relaxed. When he's captured, he stays so relaxed that his energies are focused on puns. We end up interpreting that as suave, but really it's just staying himself when the heat goes up.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Yeah, James Bond is cool, but what really separates his smooth style from ordinary non-fictional folks is how cool he remains under pressure. Maybe you won't be abducted by an evil organization any time soon, but you can still strive to stay relaxed and poise when you feel the social pressure going up. Don't focus on being something you're not; focused on being the relaxed version of you. For Women Who Get Approached a Lot, Normal is Refreshing and Even Attractive I remember being at a bar once with my friends and talking to a group of beautiful women. I don't remember what I said; just that I was as normal as possible; cracking jokes because that's what I do with my friends. I put on no airs of "you are a beautiful woman and I am a man so we are inherently separate." Instead I treated them like every other person in my life. When I got back to my friends, though, they were astounded by the reactions I'd gotten. "What did you say to them, dude?" "Did you use any lines?" "What's your secret?" Honestly, I didn't even remember what I said. It wasn't that important to me at the time. I just treated them like I'd treat anyone else who I was talking to; tried to crack some jokes, have a good time, and that's it. That's when I realized there is no "secret" except removing the thick wall of bullshit you place between you and other people.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex I simply talked to the women like they were already my friends. And how do I behave around friends? I don't filter myself, I look to crack jokes when I can, and I just say whatever comes to mind. I’m spontaneous, a little goofy, a little random. As stated, this is even more powerful when you talk to exceptional women. Many women live in a world where men ogle them, catcall them, and change their behavior around them. Some men swagger and brag to overcompensate; others lock up and get withdrawn. What do you do? You treat them like equals. You talk to them as if you're talking to an old friend. You don't put on any airs. You crack your lame jokes because you assume that they'll like them, the same way you feel comfortable cracking lame jokes around your friends. You realize there are no "right things to say," but rather a "right way to behave," which is to say, normal and relaxed. The consequence is, you put off a vibe that says "I am enough" and "I am comfortable in my skin." You put off a vibe that says "I just approached an intimidatingly beautiful woman, and I'm so comfortable with myself that I just act normal." And, if you’ll remember your “Social Proof,” this says a lot of great things about you. Beautiful women figure, if this guy can be fun and relaxed around me, WHO ELSE is he talking to? He must have some pretty spectacular people in his life.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Voila. Being Normal Says all of the Right Things Think about it for a moment. When you approach people with the attitude of "if I'm just normal and treat them friendly, that's enough," what does that say about you? 

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It says you expect people to like you. If you're trying to "sell" them on you, it says you don't expect them to like you unless you execute Seduction Maneuver #109 in proper order. Don't do that! Be normal. This gets rid of the "desperate" vibe you've been putting off and instead feels like actual confidence. It says you already have a lot of friends. Innate social proof: people assume that how you act around them is how you act around everybody. If you're cool and friendly, they assume you're always cool and friendly, and therefore a guy who's worth knowing. After all, if you're always this cool and friendly, you must have a lot of connections, friends, and opportunities. It starts from the assumption that you are attractive enough. This is the assumption every man should make, yet 99% of them don't. If you assume that being normal is enough and that women will like you, you start from a place of power and confidence, and not desperation.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Being Yourself is Highly Efficient When a woman doesn't get along with you and you're being yourself, you know right away that you might not be compatible. When someone befriends you when you're being yourself, you know that they're being friends because of who you are. Being yourself is effective and efficient. It won't end rejection. Sometimes you'll find it hard not to tense up in social situations. Sometimes you'll feel that you're doing your best to stay relaxed and people don't like you anyway. But by doing your best to stay cool, normal, and relaxed, you're doing yourself a favor: you're weeding out the people who wouldn't have gotten along with you anyway. Abandon the need to "bat 1.000" with the people you talk to. Most people are friendly; some people aren't. No amount of charm or sophistication is ever going to change that. It's far more efficient to be yourself and let the people who are more compatible with you reveal themselves in turn. Important lessons in being normal: 

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"Be yourself." It's awesome, awesome advice that gets a terrible rap. Treat people like they're already your friends, which means being comfortable being yourself. Don't sell yourself. Walking up to new people at a party or an event and introducing yourself is already ballsy; you don't need extra confidence on top of that. Just be normal

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and relaxed and people will still view you as a sociable, confident person. Remain poised even in times of high stress. It's the secret to James Bond's confidence. Maybe you won't be kidnapped by evil organizations, but you can still keep your normalcy and poise when talking to beautiful women, or giving a speech, etc. Poise in a high-pressure situation is interpreted as confidence. All it takes is relaxing when the going gets tough. You'll get bonus points from exceptional women. Exception women are used to guys being weird around them. They’re used to guys overcompensating. They’re used to guys not being able to make eye contact. Don’t do any of that. Instead, be normal. Being normal says all the right things about yourself. Being normal requires more confidence than you might know. It requires some vulnerability (cracking those lame jokes you'd normally reserve for friends) and it requires putting yourself out there. That's all the confidence you require--anything else is just overcompensating. "Act like you've been there before." Ever hear this advice in the context of sports celebrations? It says, don't dance and celebrate after scoring a touchdown. Well, when you're with other people, act like you've been there before.

Treat everyone like friends and be your normal, relaxed self and it will change your social life.

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Abundance Mentality vs. Scarcity Mentality You've seen me talk about "abundance" and "scarcity" mentality a lot. It's not an original idea of mine. In fact, a lot of people talk about it. Which makes sense, since it's rather fundamental to everything you do in life, this question of where your focus lies. So let's start with a definition: The difference between abundance mentality and scarcity mentality is where your focus lies--on abundance or scarcity. Notice that his definition doesn't say that you have to have abundance to focus on abundance, or that you have to have scarcity to focus on scarcity. It's simply a definition of focus, where you're aimed. That's it. If that doesn't sound important, consider how important it is for a ship crossing the Atlantic Ocean to be aimed in the right direction, whether or not it's actually close to land. To understand how it's possible to remain a positive outlook even in the face of rejection, we have to dive deeper into the difference between two fundamental ways of viewing the world: the abundance mentality and the scarcity mentality. Scarcity Mentality: "So, There's This One Woman..." A lot of guys ask questions that start out like, "so, there's this one woman...." or "how do I talk to this woman in my class..." or "how do I ask this one individual out without peeing my pants?"

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex They're all valid questions. The answers, though, tend to be a little more complicated. It's like if someone came to a gym and said, "so, how do I get a six-pack?" The answer tends to be, "well, you can work out your ab muscles, but what's really important is that you lose fat there. And to do that, you have to lose body fat everywhere, because that's how body fat works." Similarly, the answer to "so, there's this one woman..." type questions tends to be "you can do X and Y, but really what's important is that you have an abundance mentality so that you'll be relaxed, fun, and the best possible version of yourself. And even then, she still might reject you, so you need to have an abundance mentality anyway." It's not the "sexy" answer, but I believe it to be the correct one. In short, you have to stop living in the world of the dream woman. (True: earlier we wrote out a “dream scenario” for your visualizations, which might include the idea of a “dream woman.” This is different.) Love is not, and has never been, infatuation. Hell, the Greeks used to write myths about the perils of infatuation. It's a rule as old as time, and yet you'll still get guys asking, "Well, there's this one woman..." type questions. They seem to think, "I know that I should have the abundance mentality, but when it comes to this one woman, how can I be perfect so that I'll never have to talk to any other woman again and all of my problems will be solved?"

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex The world doesn't work like that. Stop Playing Just One Game Most guys live in this fantasy world where they can wait for the perfect girl, ask only her out, have her say yes, marry her girl, and live happily ever after. They want to retire with a batting average of a thousand. This is no way to live. You don't have to attach any emotional significance to any one particular social interaction if you don't want to. Hell, most women would prefer you didn't. Think of it like this: if you consider yourself a good chess player and you sit down at a chess tournament, you're going to be nervous. You're going to stress out over every move, secondguess yourself, and try to play a perfect game - otherwise, you're out. No more chess tournament for you. But you can also be a good chess player and play online anonymously. There, you don't care about losing quite as much. You want to win, sure, but you're mainly interested in having fun. There's always another chess game to play, at the click of a button. Now ask yourself this: do you always perform better when you micromanage yourself, as in the former case?

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Hell no! If anything, you perform worse. There are entire books written about this phenomenon. Occasionally, you might "rise to the occasion," and that's great, but when you rise to the occasion, you're typically focused on all of the good things that can result from winning and not all of the negative consequences of losing. It works the same way with social interactions, if not moreso. People - women in particular - can smell neediness and desperation a mile away. The guys who are playing the "I just need to succeed right here and right now so I never have to try again" game are counting on a 100% success rate: 1/1. Does it happen sometimes? Sure. But that doesn't make you suave. It makes you lucky. Signs and Manifestations of Scarcity Mentality Truth be told, I think scarcity mentality manifests in the whole gamut of negative emotions: envy, jealousy, fear, anxiety, nerves, anger, etc. There are so many signs of scarcity mentality that I can't even hope to try and explain them all here. But here are some of the most common ones I've come across: 

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The "So, there's this one woman..." question. The answer, 90% of the time, is "ask her out." If that's not enough for you, you either have some highly unique circumstances, or you're making excuses because you don't want to risk rejection. After all, why risk rejection when you place your full hopes in this woman? You will just end up... Taking a rejection really hard. If you've placed 100% of your faith on any one person's opinion of you, and that 84

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person disapproves of you, guess what? You've just lost 100% of your confidence. Stop investing so much in the first place. Tolerating crap. If you're tolerating crap, it's only because you don't think you can do any better. Think about it this way: if you had the abundance mentality of George Clooney, would you ever stand around and let a woman insult you, belittle you, or order you around? Hell no. You'd get the hell out of dodge because you don't need that shit. Do not tolerate rude, insulting, or aggressive behavior, even if she looks like Helen of Troy. Pursuing women who aren't all that interested in you. I see it everywhere. "I asked this woman out...but she says she's busy. What should I do?" Move the hell on with your life. If she's interested, she'll contact you. Otherwise, she's not interested enough to treat you like a basic human being with a social calendar of his own...why are you sticking around? Because you have no other options--or, at least, that's what your scarcity mentality is telling you.

Abundance Mentality: "Plenty of Fish in the Sea" Ahh, it's refreshing just typing the words "abundance mentality" after dealing with all that scarcity. When you have the abundance mentality, you tend to see life as a winning game no matter what happens. You're fine being rejected because "hey, we weren't a match - and there are other women out there who are."

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Imagine being a rich Hollywood celebrity. Everywhere you go, women approach you, flirt with you. Hell, even the coffee barista writes down her phone number on your cup - and that's just Monday in your life. If you were this person, how would you walk around? You'd feel pretty damn good, right? Your life is already pretty damn good. You can read. You have an Internet connection. You have air in your lungs and a roof over your head. Compared to the homeless, already living an abundant lifestyle. Where's your gratitude? You might say, "Okay, but we're talking about abundance with women here, and I've never even had a girlfriend." Once again, the problem is your focus, not the actual substance of your love life. So let's get to work shifting this focus. Seeing Everything as Win-Win, Even the Losses There is opportunity in everything if you choose to see it. Sure, there are more opportunities in some places than others. But if you're looking for abundance rather than scarcity, you'll find it...just as you'll find the scarcity if you're looking for that, too.

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. -Shakespeare

Approached a beautiful woman at the supermarket and got rejected? Let's think about the positives in that scenario: one, you learned that she wasn't

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex interested. That's information gained. You'll never have to wonder "what might have been." You know. Two, you exercised your confidence muscle. Three, you learned that rejection doesn't stop your heart or steal the breath from your lungs. You'll be ready for the next time. Four, you acted in according with your desires as a man, which is more than you can say for 99% of the population as a whole. Five...hell, it's starting to sound like it was a good thing she rejected you at this point. You're almost thankful for it. And if she was interested...well, win-win. Do you see what a shift in focus can do for not only your social vibe, but for your life in general? Try to find the "win-win" in everything, particularly taking new chances in your social life. Go for that kiss, because the "win-win" is that she kisses back, or alternatively she lets you know that she's not interested in you in that way. Now you can stop wasting your time. If it seems to you like we're just "reframing" rejection, that's true...but only to an extent. The truth is that there are good things in many of these negative events, just as it was true that there was something good about every one of Edison's failures. Something is "win-win" because you cannot control how she feels about you. Either she kisses back, or she tells you she's not feeling it - if she wasn't feeling it in the first place, then going for the kiss was a good idea because you found out that it's not going anywhere.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex "But, what if I could have kissed her at a different point? What if I could have done something differently so she would have liked me?" It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

You're violating one of the fundamental principles of suaveness: you're trying to control something that is out of your control. David Deida, in his book "The Way of the Superior Man," says you should choose a woman who chooses you. That's all you can do. You have to see if she chooses you. "But I really liked this girl!"

Get that scarcity mindset out of here. What were you going to do, hypnotize her so she did like you? You can’t control her. Accept that fact and move on. -Theodore Roosevelt

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Signs and Manifestations of Abundance Mentality 

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Relaxation. The less you invest emotionally in any one interaction, the more you're relaxed. Suddenly, social events feel more natural to you, as though you're hanging out with old friends with no pressure. You always know that there are more women out there, more friends to be made, more social opportunities to be found...so you stop thinking about this one specific interaction as a "1/1" opportunity. Confidence and assertiveness. Once you begin to see the world in a certain light, you no longer have the same old fears that were holding you back in the first place. Suddenly, it becomes a fun notion to go see if that woman would like to go out on a date with you. It's fun to go for that kiss to see if she's feeling you as much as you're feeling here. You feel positively giddy about the world around you and the ample opportunities it provides. Not taking crap. When you're abundant, you're willing to lay down the law if someone is breaking your personal boundaries. And why not? They're just one part of the abundance that already exists in your life; if they don't like it, they can find someone else to be rude to.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Abundance mentality and scarcity mentality don't care what you actually have. You can feel scarce and depressed despite being one of the wealthiest, well-off people on the planet. You can feel abundant despite being a poor dude who's never had a girlfriend. What matters is where your focus goes. Are you focused on the opportunities, the win-win situations, and the abundance in life...or are you focused on failure, lack, and want? Guess which option makes you more fun to hang around.

The “Riker” Principle Ever watch “Star Trek: The Next Generation”? No? Then bear with me. If you're not familiar with ST:TNG, there's a character, Cmdr. Will Riker, who has a reputation as a bit of a ladies' man. Whenever there's a hot new space-babe on the Enterprise, you can always count on Riker to have a warm smile, a flirty/complimentary The Riker Principle: When you comment, and an unwavering see a beautiful woman you want eye. to talk to, smile, but don't hesitate. Or, as one YouTube video description so bluntly put it, "Riker got more p***y on the show than any 2nd in command." But what I liked most about Riker is one episode in particular, when a woman named Vash enters the Enterprise social lounge.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Riker's there, at the bar, having a drink, and spots her. What does he do? We rarely get to see Riker work his "game," so how will it go? Does he instinctively close off his body language, get nervous, and wonder when the best time to approach this beautiful woman is? Hell naw. Riker smiles to himself, saunters right up to her, and strikes up a conversation. That's the behavior of a galaxy-class Second-in-Command. And, in fact, something as simple as not hesitating is so fundamental to being suave that I dare call it the Riker Principle. There's something about instant assertiveness that separates the James Bonds, the Danny Oceans, and the William T. Rikers of the world from ordinary men who, as Patton put it, give counsel to their fears. Not hesitating gives your fears no time to take root. All of that "I'll wait until perfect timing," or "I don't want to interrupt" stuff may be true...but if it's causing you to not approach at all, then you have a problem with anxiety. It's easy to be polite and apologize for interrupting. It's hard to watch a beautiful woman leave the venue and never know if she would have liked you. But there's more going on here, in this principle of not hesitating, that isn't only good for you, but is good for the vibe you broadcast.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Don't Join the Beer-Armed Militia It only takes a moment's courage to change the dynamic of an entire night. Consider that time when you were in your first junior high dance. All of the guys wanted to dance with the girls. All of the girls wanted to dance with the guys. Yet all anyone did, for the first few minutes or even hours, was talk to their own friends, leading to a situation where the girls lined up one side of the gym and the boys lined up on the other, facing each other off like revolutionary militia against British redcoats. But then, one guy says "I've had enough," and goes to ask his favorite girl to dance. One by one, thanks to social proof, the dominoes start to fall, and the night is made. Some of the guys even come up to that first little William T. Riker to give him their thanks. He's the proverbial man, and he's scored 10 suave points for himself that night. We don't really get over this, do we? Sure, we have alcohol to aid our confidence as adults, but does it really help? Consider the last wedding you went to. How many "Beer-Armed Militia" did you spot hovering outside the dance floor? You know the guys; they keep their hands in one pleated pants pocket, another hand grasping a beer near their belly, and their eyes fixed on the people actually having the fun. Junior High nerves and butterflies are alive and well in the adult world.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Talk to these guys and you'll see that they have a litany of excuses for not having fun. "I have to finish my first beer." "I'm not much of a dancer." "Maybe a little later." They're the opposite of Rikers; they're Barclays. They live in a fantasy world in which having fun does not involve the slightest bit of assertiveness or action What To Do Okay, so let's say you're caught off-guard. You're at a gas station picking up a bottle of water and you see a rather striking woman coming in to pay for her gas. What do you do? All of that eBook stuff didn’t help! Here's what you do: You... ...approach... ...her. And you do it before you have a chance to talk yourself out of it. When in doubt, say "hi, how are you?" Or you might have a default line memorized, just to make it a little easier on yourself, something simple like: "Excuse me, I thought you were cute and I had to introduce myself. I'm ____." The point, of course, is not the line itself. The point is how you deliver the line...and, in this case, how you demonstrate total

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex mastery over your emotions by feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Courage, after all, is not the absence of fear, but rather absence of hesitation in the face of fear. Five Reasons Not to Hesitate Why is it so important not to hesitate? 

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Hesitation means you have not mastered your own emotions. Both you and I know that in most situations, it's relatively easy to approach a beautiful women--you go up and you say hi. It's only once you remove the fear that you think, "you know, it would have been so easy to just walk up to her and say hi." If you hesitate, you're capitulating to your emotions, which means you have not mastered yourself to the degree that will shape your life for the better. Practicing non-hesitation will help you achieve this. Social proof. There are two types of men: Beer-Armed Militia, and the men on the "battlefield," in the "arena," actually talking to the women. As someone who has a lot of experience with hovering around and dawdling before approaching women, let me tell you this clearly: the longer you wait, the weaker you appear. When you approach a beautiful woman quickly, you come pre-packaged with the innate social proof of the action itself...she has to think to herself, "well, if this guy can approach me without fear, he probably can talk to a lot of women without fear. He must be cool and confident." It's not a direct thought; it's what she

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picks up on a purely "vibe" level. This is one reason Riker's vibe is so good. Approaching boosts your confidence. You don't have to approach a beautiful woman without hesitation to boost your confidence; try talking to people as soon as you enter a venue. You'd be amazed at how well it changes the lens through which you view the entire night. Hesitation gives you the opportunity to talk yourself out of taking action. It's the same way that going to the gym shouldn't be a 30-minute agonizing decision; you should pack up your bag and go before you have time to actually think about it. Sometimes, being suave is just getting out of your own way. Many guys build themselves up into James Bonds, waiting for eye contact, when they don't even realize that they haven't entered the woman's reality yet. You can't change the temperature of the water. Think you'll eventually wind up in a magical happy place where social interactions are 100% fun and people are always warm and inviting, and approaching new interactions is always easy as pie? Then you might as well try to change the temperature of the swimming pool before you dive in. At a pool party, don't be that guy who dips his feet in; be the guy jumping right in and going "woo!" when he comes up for air.

A Caveat, or: How to Use Your Common Sense Hesitation - or lack thereof - is a powerful thing, so I don't want to end this chapter without a few words of warning.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex First, this lesson is for people who are too shy to take action. If you have no problems hesitating, don't start bowling people over because an eBook not to hesitate. Second, this is not an excuse to be overly rude or obnoxious. If you can approach new people with consistency, then do not start thinking that you need to go interrupting every conversation and barging into every interaction without the slightest bit of awareness of your environment. Third, this isn't about loudness or directness; it's about how decisively and assertively you enter in. You can still be fun, relaxed, happy, smooth, whatever you want to do. Don't be a nervous hummingbird. Be relaxed as ever; just make sure that your steps take you to your destination and not to the corner of the room. Fourth, this does not really apply online. Instant messaging your crush as soon as she logs on Facebook gives you none of the social points that real, in-person courage does. This chapter is about real, face-to-face interactions, parties, and situations. Fifth, the rules of handling rejection, which you’ll read about later, still apply. If a woman rejects you, she rejects you - don't hesitate in leaving, either. Don't stick around a woman who's uncomfortable with you because you think you're being assertive and decisive.

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Chapter Three: Building Your Own Social Network . Meeting new people is one of those concepts that sounds easy on the surface...until you move to a new city and find yourself sitting alone in your apartment on Saturday night, wondering how to cross the invisible barrier between you and the outside world. Truth be told, meeting new people isn't always as easy for introverts as you might think. And the older you get without having friends or a girlfriend, the more awkward you feel about your ability to meet new people and make friends.

Basic Social Competence in Three Lessons Eye Contact Most of the time, it comes down to a simple proposition: who looks away first? That's it. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. If you can't make prolonged eye contact with a woman and watch if she'll look away first, you do not have confidence enough to date that woman. Period. Alpha X of PIPubs.com says he has a general rule: when it comes to eye contact, he has a general rule: you are going to look away first, period. He doesn't care who it is - if they're engaged in a

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex conversation with him, he's going to look at them and let them feel just how dominant his presence is. On the surface, it might seem like this is overkill. And you certainly don't want to go around staring people down - that's a sure way to start a fight. Eye contact, like any other tool in your kit of social skills, is strongly dependent on context and situation. But if you have trouble giving enough eye contact, you need to start working on looking at people ALL. THE. TIME. It might feel like you're being too aggressive with it at first. That's fine. So long as you aren't starting fights and making people feel uncomfortable, you're probably doing just fine. Is it possible to do a "creeper" stare? Of course. Eye contact that's too intense will just go too far the other way and make people think that you're a maniac of some sort. But if you struggle to make enough eye contact, there's a good chance that you'll have trouble even getting to this level at first. If you focus on any one aspect of your body language, it should be your eyes. Consider this exchange from the film "Casino Royale," in which James Bond flirts with a woman to get to her husband: Bond: Well, what about a drink at my place? Solange: Your place? ... Is it close?

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Bond: ... Very. Solange: ...One drink. Notice all those ellipses? Those moments are filled with rock-solid eye contact: Solange is weighing James Bond to see if he's as man as he's putting on, and James Bond, of course, doesn't flinch a single time. It's all in the subtext, not the actual text. It's all in the eyes. Now, I'm not suggesting that you go around staring down peoples' wives - that's a sure way to start a fight - but it's important to see why eye contact has such a profound effect on people. Former President Bill Clinton was said to have an otherworldly charisma to him, an ability to make you feel like you were the only person in the room. Watch any debate or interview of his and you'll see why this is the case: strong, pervasive eye contact lasered upon whom he's interacting. It never ends. In fact, try to picture yourself meeting Bill Clinton. In your imagination, does he ever look away? Does he ever give a creeper stare? No; he just makes rock-solid eye contact, like he does in real life, relaxing his lids and letting his eyes work their magic. It's the eyes that set the context. Let’s consider another scene from “Casino Royale,” Daniel Craig's James Bond flirting with Vesper Lynd. His eyes are on her like glue. That's not to say that he's in "creeper mode." He's relaxed. He changes his facial expressions. His jaw is relaxed. He truly

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex looks like he couldn't give a shit because that's how he feels on the inside. But those eyes? They never fail to miss their target. Even if they wander, they're right back to it. Keys to Avoiding Creepy Eye Contact  Occasionally catch your breath. Even if your eyes are glued to someone, you don't have to keep on staring at them after they've looked away first - that's overkill. You've already won the contest, now just make solid eye contact for the rest of the interaction. When you need to think a little bit, look away for a brief moment, and then return to their eyes when you give a reply. Imagine your eyes are on their eyes like glue - glue isn't so strong that you can't move your eyes, but you'll always return back to it. Feel free to set your eyes free once you're comfortable making strong, enduring eye contact.  Relax your lids. When most guys start giving eye contact after a lifetime of bad habits, the tension they feel manifests on their face. Their expressions freeze shut and their eyelids tighten, giving them the "Hannibal Lecter" vibe they're so afraid of. You have to relax, period. You have to be comfortable in your own skin. If that takes staring at people until you achieve this, then do that, but eventually settle down, take a breath, and let yourself relax. The most powerful eye contact isn't intense eye contact, it's "smoldering" eye contact with a healthy dose of relaxation thrown in. Let yourself go.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex  Vary your facial expressions. When you're starting out with eye contact, you're so focused on your eyes that you forget to do anything else. But when most people are truly relaxed, they tend to vary up their facial expressions. They raise their eyebrows, they smile, they smirk, they shrug, they narrow their eyes, they squint, the do all sorts of thing that let others know that they're engaged. Creepy eye contact is eye contact that has absolutely no awareness of social context. Vary your facial expressions around your eyes and you'll let people know you're actually with them in the present moment and engaged. Voice and Authority Ever see "The Millionaire Matchmaker"? I know, I know, I shouldn't watch trash TV. But something about the constant failed attempts at flirting means I can't look away from the screen. I have to watch. I have to judge. A recent episode featured Jenna Marbles of YouTube fame talking to two men over lunch so she could give them advice. One of the men approached her tentatively, shook her hand meekly, and could barely look her in the eye. Needless to say, Jenna Marbles wasn't having any of it. "You shook my hand like a wet fish," she told the guy, staring him down. She asked him, "Are you scared of me? Are you scared of this?" Then she showed off her bicep, completely emasculating

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex the guy. Her advice: "I want you to make honest eye contact - like staring contest." Don't be the wet fish. Don't EVER be the wet fish. Your presence needs to have weight to it. After strong eye contact, the most powerful way to achieve it is through something we all deal with on an everyday basis, whether we're in the car or relaxing at home: Volume. Turn the Volume Up 99% of guys need to speak more loudly. Truly. It's rare to find the guy who's so loud that he needs to quiet down. And even when you do come across these guys, their presence is usually so large as a result of it that most people don't want to say "hey - quiet down." Speak up. This is particularly important if you're out on the town, chatting with women in a night club or a bar. There's music. There's a crowd. There's people shouting at each other to hear each other. You have to bring the boombox, or else you're going to get ignored.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex A good rule of thumb: try to be the loudest person in the room. It sounds obnoxious, but you'll generally find that this is easy to achieve and still keeps you within a reasonable context for the room itself. For example, you don't want to speak at full blast when you're in a restaurant. But you do want to be the loudest person at the table. You don't want to shout, but you do want to be heard. Most of your volume is controlled by force of habit: the amount of energy you put into your lungs and throat. It's as simple as mentally reminding yourself to speak up. My recommendation: after you master the art of eye contact, move on to the voice, and make it a point to greet people in new situations with a loud, clear voice. You can still be friendly. "Hi. What about this weather, huh?" A neat little trick is that when you're focused on the volume of your voice, you're not so much in your head about what to say. Speak with Authority It's not enough to be loud. Any idiot can be loud. And they usually are. You have to learn how to speak in a way that says that you're in command of the situation. This means being the exact polar opposite of the stereotypical "Valley girl" who ends each sentence with an upward inflection. You know the type. They turn statements into questions. "It's just, I was hoping to find someone who could help me? Right now? You know? This is so not how I wanted my day to go?" 103

The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex If you do this, stop. Immediately. Could you picture any man with a significant amount of charisma or presence ever talking like a valley girl? No. He talks like this. The way you're reading this sentence right now. Clear ends to each sentence. No question marks. Authority. That's just how people with authority talk: they make every sentence a command. It's unlikely that you'll ever find a boss who doesn't speak with this downward-inflection of authority. Unless they're “Bill Lumbergh” from “Office Space.” But the key is not to give people commands. It's to take that habit of downward inflection, of commanding sentences, and to mix it up with a little bit of fun and positivity. To hear how that sounds, try to consider the last time you told a joke that you were absolutely certain people were going to love. Your confidence was reflected in every word. You spoke loudly, clearly, slowly, and with full authority, and when you arrived at the punchline, you dropped it like a hammer on an anvil. Now, go look up the top jokes at Reddit.com/r/jokes and record yourself delivering those jokes in the same way. Give it a few tries. See which one sounds the most natural to you. You'll have an idea of how you speak when you feel the most authority in your body. And when you make this manner of speaking a habit for yourself, you'll start to project that same authority effortlessly.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Relax The surest way to make any of this eye contact and voice tonality stuff work for you is to relax. It's tempting to hear "the more eye contact, the better" and then take that to mean that you should make 100%, unrelenting eye contact with everyone, never blinking. You know who never blinks? Hannibal Lecter. Yeah, he has some sort of charisma, but it's not the kind of charisma you want. You don't want to make a chill go up peoples' spines. You want them to feel just as comfortable and relaxed as you are. The same goes for your tone of voice. If you go around shouting and barking orders, you'll turn people off really quickly. If you relax a bit and have fun - while still maintaining a sense of volume and command - you'll do much better for yourself. You'll just sound like the guy in the room having the most fun. That's the kind of vibe you're going for. Both of these things are accomplished by relaxing. You can still concentrate on a loud volume and consistent eye contact, but slow yourself down. Get less intense. Relax. Let people come to you. The Rule if You Forget All Other Rules One time in college, I came across a beautiful woman that I had been flirting with, and suddenly found myself in the lounge with her, chatting on the same couch.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Now, I liked to portray myself as an outgoing, confident guy...but in this specific situation, I didn't feel anything like that. At all. I had gone from sitting around to suddenly feeling like I was in a high-pressure situation: the first time this woman and I sat down to actually chat, one on one. I felt the familiar rush of nerves. The instinct to shut down, withdraw. I felt like an introvert. But realizing that this was likely my only chance to make an impression on this girl, I had to think quickly. So I decided to focus only on one thing: I relaxed. That was it. No trying to think of cool lines. No trying to think of anything. Just relaxing. Just calming down and letting anything that happened, happened. To my surprise, the conversation flowed. In fact, there was even the energy of attraction in the air. She even remarked on how laid-back I seemed. Though I was inexperienced with women one-on-one at that point, I had somehow found a way to make it work. Just by slowing myself down, allowing myself to relax, and not going into over-the-top sales mode, I had found the sweet spot. Though on the inside I had felt like I was ready to panic, that I was a fraud...I found that by relaxing, I soon felt none of these things. Turned out, she genuinely liked the relaxed version of me for me. Eventually, she asked me out. And it didn't require a single trick or a single line. It only required that I relax.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex This is the "Rule If You Forget All Other Rules." If you take nothing else from this Ebook, take this one rule. When you find yourself in a high-pressure situation, relax. Just relax. Think of that old song, "Que sera, sera." Translation: "Whatever will be will be." Relaxation Means Instant Abundance Mentality There's something magical that happens when you relax and don't try to do anything in particular. Anyone who's meditated for a long period of time knows how it feels when you truly wipe your thoughts away and allow yourself to experience the current moment. All thoughts of loneliness, of separation from the outside world, and of scarcity seem to vanish. You might not feel like you're dating ten supermodels, but when you relax, you get an "automatic abundance mentality." It's a strange and wonderful effect. This happens in a number of ways:  When you're talking to a beautiful woman and are just as relaxed with her as you are with your friends, the "invisible message" you're sending is that you must talk to beautiful women a lot. At the very least, you must have SOMETHING good going on in your life, because she figures, "Hey, I'm attractive, and usually that throws guys for a loop. This guy is just shooting the shit with me. This must not be a novel experience to him." And since women tend to be attracted to social status and high social value, those assumptions always work in your favor. 107

The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex  Relaxation ends the idea that you have to compensate. When you relax and adopt the "Que sera, sera" mentality, it takes a lot more to phase you. Think of the coolest guy you've ever met. Did it seem like you could throw him for a loop easily, or was he so detached from any emotional outcome that it was difficult to rattle him? If a woman gave him her number, would he freak out like his day had just been made or would he shrug it off and say, "oh, cool"? Chances are, he's more of the latter.  No more "fight or flight mode." Admit it: when you talk to some women, you constantly feel like it's an emergency. That tension completely taints your social interactions. It puts other people on the defensive - and, maybe worse, it puts yourself on the defensive. You're looking for a reason to feel insulted or rejected. You WANT a reason to go into flight mode. You almost seem to WANT to go home with your head slunked down. Don't enter interactions this way. Assume the best. Relaxation assumes the best. Chances are, these three things: eye contact, volume, and relaxation will solve 80% of your social problems. It's important to add the other aspects of this Ebook - such as throwing a regular party - if you truly want your social life to be extraordinary. But if you simply focus on this section on a regular basis, you'll notice a vast improvement in your relationships.

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The Simplest Ways to Become an Extrovert Who Talks to Everyone So how did I do it? How did I make the conversion from introvert to extrovert in what felt like an overnight decision? I remember walking up to the first class my sophomore year, determined that I would be a new man. Determined that I wouldn't let myself walk back to my dorm room feeling alone and outcast. I had so much nervous energy I went to the class early and saw that the door hadn't even been opened. And then, as if people somehow knew about my decision, there were three prospective classmates all waiting there, lounging around. They weren't talking. In fact, they looked like they'd never met. One of them was a really pretty woman with dark brown eyes. I swallowed and knew that this was it. This was the decision that would affect the rest of my life. Then, I opened my mouth, before I even knew what I was going to say. "Hi. Here for Intro to Western Civ?" That was it. She opened up to me, and I to her, and we chatted briefly. Then I introduced myself to the other two people who were sitting around awkwardly. They seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Whatever fears and anxieties they had about a new class had visibly disappeared. Turned out, it wasn't so bad after all. All I had to do was pretend to be more social than I really felt, and then the words came naturally. And within a few minutes, I really did feel that social. Heck, I really WAS that social. But if it's as easy as making that switch, everyone could do it. That's why this section will focus on the HOW. Be the Person Who Acts First, Even If You Start as Simply as Possible Put yourself in my shoes. First day of sophomore year of college. A new class. Three people there, all saying nothing. You walk up. What do you do? This is absolutely critical. Critical. Critical! Is it sinking in yet? This moment is absolutely critical. The difference between being the person who acts first and the person who does nothing is the difference between having five women trying to date you and playing computer games alone at home every Friday night. This is the difference that will make the difference. This is where the river splits. This is the where the

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex road forks. This is what Robert Frost is talking about when he says a choice has made "all the difference." This is it. Game time. What will you do? Simple. You just have to be the person who acts first. The section "The Riker Principle" addresses this in more detail, but it needs to be stressed.  When you enter somewhere new - whether it's a bar or your first class of college - talk. Talk before you give yourself a thousand reasons to keep quiet. Talk even if you don't feel social, talk even if it seems a little awkward to talk at that point. Just talk. If the worst happens (rejection), you'll at least feel good knowing that you've encountered the worst and stuck through it.  Don't let awkward situations stand. Maybe you're the only mutual friend of two people who just showed up to a party. Don't just sit there! Say "Jill, have you met Barb?" That's it. Suddenly you're a group. Don't wait on other people to give you permission to take over the interaction. They never will, because that's not how it works. You simply have to do it.  Offer to help. If you're at a party and it's just getting started, offer to help clean or set up. If you're the first one in your classroom and your professor is getting set up, offer to help. Even if they say no, they'll appreciate the token of effort.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Lower Your Standards for What is “Acceptable” to Say This is crucial. Most people think themselves so unattractive that they don't even believe that they can give people the honest pleasure of simple conversation. They think "I suck, and I'm ugly, so if I say something to this beautiful woman, it had better be hilarious, intelligent, and on point." Of course, finding something that witty to say is difficult, so they never say anything. When I started talking to more and more people, this was the biggest revelation for me. People were friendly. People would laugh at my dumb little jokes. People were excited just to have someone to talk to in a new situation. People were always looking to socialize, as long as someone else made the initial awkward effort. That's all it took. It was as if when I became more social, everyone around me became more social too. But I wasn't saying magical things. This continues to be a major theme with anyone who sees me talk to women. "What did you say?" I said nothing special. They were just so happy to have a normal conversation with no pressure that they were interested in me. I brought value, I didn't seek to take their value, and they rewarded me with fun. That's it.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex It's not that you don't have something to say, it's that you think you have to HAVE something to say. You know how easy it is to talk to your best friend? You don't think you have to say brilliant and fun things. You know that the pleasure of conversation is enough, and the words come fast and easy. Treat everyone you meet like this kind of close friend, and you'll be amazed to learn that the conversation will flow naturally, easily, and wittily...as long as you don't think you have to say spectacular things.

Nothing to Say? Try Allowing Others in On Your Thoughts You know how you have funny things that you think all the time but you never say?

“My God, Vanessa’s got a fabulous body. I’ll bet she shags like a minx. How do I let them know that because of the unfreezing process, I have no inner monologue? … I hope I didn’t say that all aloud just now.”

Start saying them. Some of the best conversations of my life have been when I opened up and said some of the quirkiest, strangest stuff that I usually reserve for my inner monologue:

-“Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery”

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex  Asking a doorman how they knew it was me and not my evil twin. (They had a good laugh about that. But still, HOW DID THEY KNOW?)  Waiting in the grocery line, looking at the candy bars, and saying "Hmm...how would you react if I bought one of each of these right now?"  Telling a bar owner I wasn't sure if I should have gone into the bathroom because it said "gentlemen" and not "scoundrels." (An old and lame joke, but one that always cracks me up.) Unless you have some truly twisted inner monologue - in which case I recommend you see a therapist rather than finishing this Ebook - you're actually going to find that you're holding back your best material. At the very least, when you allow people access to your little quirky thoughts, you're going to be interesting and memorable. There's something especially charming about someone who opens up their thoughts to you like that, especially upon just meeting them. (Within reason, of course). You can see that they don't have as strong a "social filter" as most, which means that YOU aren't going to have to work so hard to keep up the conversation. When you let people in on your inner monologue, it's as if the seas part, their walls drop, and they can breathe a sigh of relief. They're about to have a unique, fun experience that breaks up the monotony of their day.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Nine Secrets to Becoming the Extrovert Who Talks to Everyone I know, I know. You're an introvert. All of this "talking to everyone" sounds like a heck of a lot of energy and effort. You know why it seems that way? You haven’t put the secrets into action yet. 1. Memorize one line to say before you start. It can be as simple as "Hello. How's your February going?" 2. You don't want to say the same old small-talk B.S. that everyone else says, but you do want to keep it casual. Give them something that's polite, but something they're not totally used to. Most people say "How's your day going?" They don't ask about your whole MONTH. It gets people thinking and makes a lasting conversation far more likely. 3. Exclude no one, within reason. Don't go around the grocery store talking to every single person you see - that's grounds for getting yourself escorted out by security. But if you find yourself waiting in line with a 90-year-old woman, don't skip it just because she's 90 years old. Say "Hi. How's your February going?" Before you know it, you're going to meet an old grandma with a beautiful granddaughter she wants to introduce to you. And if not, try to find the value in making peoples' day and giving them the simple joy of a pleasant interaction. 4. When in doubt, talk before you can "talk yourself out of it." After all, you're a nice person. You don't wish people any harm. You're not a creep. By talking to someone, if your goal is to make their day, then there's no reason you really shouldn't open your mouth, right? That's exactly why 115

The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex sometimes it's better to just blurt something out - "lovely weather we're having today" - than to say nothing at all and wonder forever what might have been. 5. Find opportunities everywhere. For some people, waiting in line at the coffee shop is strict no-talking territory. But you'll quickly find that that's not a written rule. It's not even an "unwritten" rule. Most people do want to talk, they just haven't come across someone willing to make the first step. Until they meet you, of course. Bottom line: if you're anywhere short of church or a funeral or any other place where you're expected to shut up and listen, you can probably get away with saying hello. Find those opportunities in your daily life and make it a point to use them. 6. If nothing's working, dumb it way down until you're more comfortable. "Excuse me, do you have the time?" is a perfectly valid reason to talk to someone. It's not particularly suave, and won't lead to conversations usually, but if you have no other experience to go on, you have to start somewhere. 7. Go to talk as soon as you enter somewhere new. Believe me, if you fear approaching someone, you're only delaying the inevitable if you want to "think about it first." You have to get moving right away. Not only will this warm you up every single time you enter a new place, but it will prevent you from walking around the store, hovering around, buying your items, and going home wondering why you didn't talk to anyone.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex 8. Stick to a simple goal: to make their day a little brighter. Yeah, yeah, this sounds corny. And you don't have to come up to them and give them a rainbow sticker and say "cheer up! You'll find your pot of gold one day!" You just have to give them an opportunity to enjoy the pleasure of a nice conversation. That's it. That's all you're doing. You're just giving people pleasure. Once you shift to this mindset, talking to anyone will feel like a snap. 9. Always look for the fun in any situation. That's the whole point of interacting: to give each other pleasure. So whatever the fun is, find it. Waiting for your bus to come? Say "I got one dollar that says the bus is five minutes late today." Ordering a sandwich? Order it "extra delicious, please." There is fun to be found everywhere if that's where your focus is. It's really not rocket science one you take action. Just stick to simplicity (have one interesting question ready to say, aim to make peoples' days a little brighter, and always seek out fun), and you'll do great.

How to Meet and Make New Friends This guide is not going to make meeting new people any easier the same way I can't make curling 25 pound dumbbells any easier for you except to tell you to get your ass to the gym. But follow the steps contained therein, and you'll be surprised at how much your social circle can balloon in a matter of weeks.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Step One: Take Your Interests Social From now on, commit to less social interaction online and more in person. Just show up. This is a very simple formula: 

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Take a look at the section on “Social Hobbies” and select two or three that suit your needs. Go to sites like Meetup.com to search for that specific hobby and sign up for any upcoming gatherings in your area. Meetup not enough for you? Try apps like FourSquare and Nearify. There are countless tools for you to find events and likeminded people - you don't have an excuse for failing on this step. Attend 2-3 gatherings per week...more if you want to get all "Yes Man" about it.

The key here: you're not going out to randomly meet people on the street. You're going out to “Ninety percent of success in life meet people who come preis just showing up.” qualified with at least one similar interest. Not only does that help -Woody Allen you make connections faster, but will generally help you find "your kind of crowd." Sure, there will be some people completely unlike you...but you'll likely luck out and find a few who just "click." Further, be willing to pay money. Taking cooking classes, for example, is money well-spent: it kills two birds with one stone,

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex giving you a new life skill and making you more interesting ... while also serving as an excuse to talk to other people and work on your social skills and connections. But remember: just sign up. Just get out there. 90% in life is just showing up. The key? Don't do it just once, wuss out, go home, and tell yourself that this eBook suave stuff doesn't work. It's hard to make new friends in a new environment sometimes; it's anxiety-inducing. But you'd be amazed at how the nerves exponentially die away on the 2nd and 3rd time, when the environment is familiar and you feel comfortable where you are. Remember the movie “Yes Man”? In the movie, Jim Carrey's character takes a vow that he'll say yes to every opportunity that comes his way. His life ends up far richer for it, full of new friends and deeper connections with his existing friends. Decide to be more like that. Stop saying no to life, deferring your plans to computer time, and instead get active about meeting new people. Show up. Step Two: Force Yourself to Talk to Everyone (But Be Normal) I want you to commit the following sentence to memory: Hi, I don't think we've met. I'm [your name here.] In short, learn the art of introducing yourself. NEVER allow yourself to stand on the sidelines again, not even when you're in a

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex class and feeling out the environment. A suave person is someone who enters a situation and decides that he or she will decide what the social context will be. Think about it: when you enter a new social situation with others, everyone's looking for cues as to how to behave. They want to know if they're expected to be polite...or if they can let loose a little. Call it the "Moment of Awkward." It is crucial that you overcome the Moment of Awkward by showing a little assertiveness. Show them that it's okay to be themselves...by being yourself and taking that first step. Do this on the first day and you'll be amazed at how people open up. In fact, I've had the most success in new settings when I just "show up" as that guy everyone can talk to. If you're an introvert, you're going to have to try a little bit of "fake it 'til you make it." But don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s going to be more work than you’re capable of. Sure, it’s not easy at first. After all, you're entering a new social situation. People don't know you. They have few assumptions to make about your personality except from what they're presented with. If you're open and talkative from day one, you'll be establishing a first impression that can last you an entire series of classes. You might find other people who are less comfortable will approach you. This is the part where you have to lift the weights, however. I can't make you do it. You'll have to get out of your comfort zone and force yourself to talk to everyone. 120

The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex What do you say? Anything. Remember: there is power in being normal. Treat people like they're already your friends, and you'll be amazed to see that they treat you the same way in return. 

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Conquer the "Moment of Awkward." When everyone's in a new place or trying to figure out a situation, make sure that you establish that you're worth talking to by introducing yourself. Make an effort to talk to everyone. Old men, old women, attractive men, attractive women, everyone who's there. Be normal. Treat people like you already regard them as friends or acquaintances, and you'll find they'll do the same with you.

Step Three: Be a Social Point of "Gravity," Not Anti-Gravity Context means everything in the social world. Thus far, you've done a good job of establishing yourself as someone to know...in a certain context. But you don't have a new friend until you see someone from your class / meetup group / event in a different context. If you merely show up to new places and talk to a lot of people, you'll find yourself meeting new people naturally; sometimes, they'll even do the work for you. But if you really want to establish a social circle of your very own, some additional assertiveness is required. 

Be a source of social events. Plan a monthly outing for drinks, even if you're the only one in your social circle. Set a date for it: the first Friday of every month. As you meet new people, say, "hey, me and my friends go out for drinks on 121

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the first Friday of every month. Want to join us next time?" Make up your own, too. This is just a suggestion. The point? Have something that you regularly do so that you can invite someone out and see them outside of the normal context of the usual classes. Organize big outings. Throw yourself a birthday party and rent a party bus. Organize a camping weekend. Don't always wait for other people to make plans; make plans yourself. Get creative. Create your own MeetUp group. Start a Subreddit for your local town. Be a point of contact, and not someone always doing the contacting. You'll find people start to naturally approach you looking to make you as a connection.

In short: once you know someone well enough, invite them out. To make it a more comfortable offer to accept, plan a monthly group event where the pressure isn't on any one person to say yes. Meeting New People for College Students College is like a pre-designed social environment in which people expect to make new friends and hook up. It's basically a social life on easy mode. But if you're truly determined, you'll find a way to waste away in your dorm room while someone else has all the fun. Don't be that person. Be assertive about your social life.

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Be normal. Remember: there’s more power in this than you think. Treat everyone around you in your classes like friends from day one. Take up one social activity. There are plenty of social activities that are designed for you to simply sign up and join. Fraternities. Sororities. Outings. Events. Whatever. Sign up for something that won't add too much to your class load and make sure to force yourself to talk to everyone when you show up. Throw parties. Young adults expect things to be done for them; you'll be amazed at how easy it is to start getting approached by others when you're considered a SOURCE of fun rather than merely another mannequin looking to join the party.

If you want to build a social circle, you can't do it exclusively on the computer - and you can't do it with the same habits that brought you to lonely Friday nights. You'll have to get out there, get out of your comfort zone, and become a source of social fun rather than a drain of it. Key Takeaways 

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Internet doesn't count. The Internet is a tool to help you find real-life people. Having Internet-only relationships just doesn't count. To meet new people, you have to show up. Find where people like you are gathering, and seek those places and events out.

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Overcome the "Moment of Awkwardness" by introducing yourself first. In many situations, you'll find that people gather around haphazardly, clinging to people they know, not really doing anything...don't let yourself do the same. Be the social spark. Expose yourself to enough situations that your most compatible friends are naturally made. You'll find that if you're social enough, the people who are most like you will sort of naturally become your friends with minimal effort. We're humans; we're social beings. Unless you have major problems, it's going to happen for you, too. Be a source of social gravity. Start some sort of monthly informal event with friends. Plan camping outings. Be the leader of a Meetup group. If you're in college, make the party happen. Part of the magic of the suave person is that wherever they go, fun seems to follow. Be that person; don't wait for the party to come to you.

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Host a Regular Party or Group Outing—Even if No One Shows Up You might not expect a section like "you should host a regular party or outing" to be controversial...but believe it or not, I've gotten some negative feedback writing about party hosting. It's not "beginner's" material, to some, because you need to make friends before you can invite friends out.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex They're missing a key point: you don't have to be "Facebook official" with people to host them. When I lived with roommates, I would piggy-back off of their respective acquaintances and friends by getting behind the bar, even though I didn't really know any of the people directly. I made being a host a way I made friends. You should, too. Give-to-Give: The Golden Rule I was at a bar in Indianapolis when I first saw "Give-to-Give" in action. At bars, I used to be stingy with my tips. Tip a buck here, a buck there. Sometimes no tips at all. Then I read the work of suave man extraordinaire Brent Smith and learned he has a very simple motto that governs most of his social interactions. He calls it "Give-to-Give.” The concept is simple: give for the sake of giving, not to get something in return. Be generous with your time and energy for the sake of being generous. So, on the first drink of the night in that bar in Indianapolis, I tipped the man five dollars on my drink, expecting nothing in return - I just wanted to be a good tipper.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Later, the bartender came around with a round of free shots, which we drank together. I’d made a friend for the night. If you give for the sake of giving, other people will treat you the same way: they'll give in return. But here's the kicker: you can't give to people expecting something in return...when you do, you'll give off a needy vibe, and you’ll feel cheated when you get nothing in return. That night in Indianapolis, I wasn't expecting a free drink - and that might be exactly why I got one. I've always tipped well on the first drink ever since. Don't Procrastinate: Be People’s Friend Now, Not Later So what does hosting a party or organizing a group outing have to do with giving people things? Simple. It's the Golden Rule. Treat people how you want to be treated. If you want more friends, you're going to have to start acting like a friend first. The messages I've gotten from people requesting I not write about parties are well-intentioned but misguided. They don't see that taking on a "Golden Rule" mindset helps you make friends. Do not procrastinate. Do not put off living a fun and social lifestyle simply because you think you need to reach some arbitrary "Friendmaker lvl. 4" status that's only in your own head. Start acting as if you are suave, right now.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Okay. Now that I've got that off my chest, let's talk about being a source of social interaction rather than someone always leeching off the work of others. Variables: Choosing the Party or Group Outing that Works For You There are essentially two variables to choose from as you begin to organize your parties: 

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What will your party or group outing be like? Will you organize a camping trip amongst friends? Will you schedule an informal "we're meeting out for drinks on Friday" event monthly? A quarterly poker night with the guys? Do what most appeals to you, because your enthusiasm will be infectious. How often will you do this? If you don't have the resources of Jay Gatsby, you don't have to throw a party every night. You can simply throw one in occasionally.

Dream Big, Start Small Take a few minutes right now and give yourself permission to dream big - even TOO big - for a moment. If you could host the party/get-together of your dreams, what would it look like? Feel free to go balls out on this fantasy. Pretend you have the resources to live life on your terms. If you want to live it up like Leonardo DiCaprio on a yacht, picture that. If you want to host a

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex bangin’ New Year's Party at your mansion, picture that. Whatever you want to do, picture your ideal party as a snippet within your ideal life. Okay, back to your computer screen. What would it take you to go from where you are now to what you just imagined? Let me let you in on a little secret: you don't have to be as rich as Leonardo DiCaprio to have a taste of that life. This is where you have to get resourceful. Start asking yourself how you might throw a banging party that takes people into another dimension, if even for a night: 

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Rent, don't own. Instead of buying a yacht, charter a boat. Instead of buying a mansion, rent a place out. It's perfectly common to invite people to kick in an "entry fee" for things like party buses and limousines; you can do the same thing but for more extraordinary logistics. We live in the age of Google, people: no excuses. Type in "boat charters [my city]" and get started figuring out who offers the best prices. Build up a reputation for your parties first. No one's asking you to turn into Dan Bilzerian overnight. You'll want to build up a regular "crew" of people who will show up to your parties, and in order to do that, you have to keep "giving to give" from the very start, even if you start with a simple "drinks at my place" premise. More on this later.

Eventually, as you build up your ability to play host and you remember that dream you had when you read that one brilliant 128

The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex eBook, you'll be able to build up into something remarkably close if not right on the money to the kind of party lifestyle you've always dreamed of. The Process: Excuse

Why "But I Don't Have Any Friends" Is Not An

I've had people message me saying "but why are you writing about parties when I can't even make friends to invite to parties?" This is fundamentally flawed thinking, because it misses the point: part of the point of having parties is making new friends. When I started playing bartender for the friends of my friends, I didn't really know any of them. But you can bet that they wanted to get to know the guy giving them free drinks pretty damn quickly. But I understand that some people reading this are starting from scratch. So let's look at this in terms of levels. Pick the level you're at, and get started: 

Level One: No friends and no life. You're going to have to fake it a little bit, and start small. Don't go chartering a yacht if there's no one to enjoy it. If you meet an acquaintance, you might say "I'm hosting this little get together next month. Drinks are on me. Here's my number." It's really much simpler than you first think. And here's the kicker: even if no one shows up, do it anyway. Go to the bar you planned to go to and if one guy shows up, buy him drinks. You have to start somewhere.

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Level Two: You know people, but no one is showing up. You're going to have to incentivize things. This is where "giving to give" comes in - and it might require some money. Call some local bars or clubs to see if there are any group deals you can get. Talk to a limousine company about a "night on the town" deal. Organize a simple bar crawl and offer free drinks for everyone who shows up to the first bar. Level Three: Growing the reputation. Eventually, if you are consistent with your outings, you'll start to grow a reputation and people will start to invite their own friends to come along. That's good! That's exactly what you want to happen; you want things to develop a life of their own. What you do is simple: you welcome each new party-goer not as a mooch, but as your friend. You're still giving to give. Even when people are mooching off of your initiative. Level Four: Make it extraordinary. Now that you're growing a reputation as throwing a great party, you'll want to step up your game. This is when you think about incorporating a yacht charter or something similar. You'll want to take people out of their normal lives and make it seem like you live in some alternative suave dimension. Simply inviting people at this point will be giving-to-give. Level Five: Make it exclusive. Eventually, it will become too big...and since you were the one to create this whole shindig, you don't want it to get away from you. So create an exclusive "VIP" list. Be discerning with who you invite. Cultivate the air of an exclusive event that people want to get into.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex The Tools: Finding People and Organizing Events Okay, back to level one. Where does one start? 

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Meetup.com is great for starting groups...and for meeting people in the first place. Having a regular shindig to invite other people you meet in MeetUp groups is a great way to turn them from acquaintances into real friends that you see in your personal life. If you're short on friends and acquaintances, don't start a Meetup just yet until you have people who would be interested. EventBrite is a great tool for creating your party as an event that people can click to, so it's easier to find you and any party details they need. Facebook should be used sparingly, of course, but as a party planner...it has uses.

Get to making friends, and get to enjoying your life - and, perhaps more importantly, get to improving the lives of others simply because they know you. You'll astonished at the rewards...but, of course, that's not why you're doing it.

How to Make Social Media Work for You You might think that Dan Bilzerian is something of a douche. And maybe he is. Maybe he's not. I haven't met him. Besides, I'm not here to cast judgment on the guy today. Today's subject is

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex social media, and Bilzerian's Instagram account is one of the most notorious in the world: A quick glance at Dan Bilzerian's Instagram will show the following:      

Hanging out with attractive women Spending time with expensive cars Living it up on private jets Hanging out with other high-status individuals Going on adventures High-stakes gambling

A lot of people consider Dan Bilzerian to be obnoxious, but there's no doubt he's carefully curated his Instagram account to create a certain image of himself...and it's working. With over 12 million followers, he's become famous simply for his jet-setting lifestyle. Don't copy Dan Bilzerian, but do realize that you can do a lot more with your social media to get the best parts of yourself across to the world. Portray the Right Image Let's not be Dan Bilzerian. I want to make it clear that I'm not advocating exactly what he does. But it is important to recognize what he's doing right.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex No matter what your hobbies, no matter who your friends are, no matter how you spend your time, you should have a specific goal with social media: you should want to create an image that you're a high status individual. Dan Bilzerian's Instagram accomplishes this...but so does Barack Obama's. The content is vastly different, but many of the inherent messages are the same: this is a highstatus individual who lives a very conscious lifestyle involved with a lot of people, and they highlight that hanging out with them would be time well spent. You should do the same. Here's what your social media account should aim to demonstrate:    

You are a high-status individual You meet a lot of people Spending time with you is fun; you keep busy You do interesting things

Show, Don't Tell: Why Pictures and Video Are Everything Did you ever go to /r/IAmVerySmart on Reddit? It’s rife with violations of this principle. It's actually quite possible to come across as a high value individual via social media, but you have to follow some of the oldest advice in the world of writing: "show, don't tell." That guy's problem above is that he was telling and not showing; it comes across as disingenuous bragging.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex A picture is worth a thousand words. Not only that, but even if he -Common saying could convince us of everything he wrote there, he's still only trying to give off the image as an anti-social nerd-genius. Being an anti-social nerd genius might work for you if you can solve the mysteries of the universe and have something to offer humanity...otherwise, it's just turns people off. So don't do any of that. Here's why: 

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Pictures are easy social proof. You take a picture with three acquaintances, and guess what? Everyone assumes they’re your friends. Pictures are easy, period. Why bother with some lengthy journal entry about your amazing day in Cabo when you can post five pictures and everyone will get the message? People are more willing to buy what they see, not what they read. Especially on social media. By incorporating a lot of pictures into your social media account, you give off a more confident "this is me" vibe because you're not working so hard to earn people’s attention...unless your pictures are truly desperate.

But it's not enough to post pictures. You have to know how to do it right.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex How to Get More Pictures onto Your Social Media Go out enough and eventually you're going to start acquiring pictures. Maybe you're in a club and a professional photographer is there; check out the club website later and you'll find yourself. Maybe you're at a house party with friends and someone's taking pictures. Add them on Facebook and ask if you can swipe a few pictures for sharing. However, that's not the whole story. You don't want to flood people’s timelines with a thousand pictures a week; that goes over the "a picture speaks a thousand words" rule and simply tunes people out. So here's how to add more pictures the right way: 

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Go out to actual events. The more special the event, the more likely a photographer is to be there. Charity events and other high-profile events are great for this, since people want to be seen at these places, and it won't be hard to pose with a few people you just met. Ask the photographer for their card or website so you can share their pictures later. They're happy to self-promote. Collect pictures like seashells. The more pictures you have of yourself, the better...but gather them, and then take some time to pick out the best ones. Be discriminating. Throw away the bad seashells. You want your pictures to have more impact. If you post 10 pictures a day, you're going to reach a point of diminishing returns. Keep/share the pictures with other people in them. This shows you aren't self-centered and allows other people to

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see the kind of company you keep. If you think this is superficial, consider that this is already what other people do no matter what you post online. Take your own camera if you must, and have other people take pictures. Asking someone to take your picture is one of the most common interactions people have with strangers. You might have to force a few pictures at first, if you're not used to being this social, and that means taking pictures with people you barely know. But as you get used to it, you'll gather more and more authentic pictures.

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No more selfies unless someone else is in the picture with you. The more solo selfies you post, the creepier your social media gets. Avoid them like the plague. Remember: the point of these pictures is to show that other people exist in your life. Generally, it's more "high status" that someone else takes the picture for you. Upload no more than once or twice per week. Maybe thrice if you're really in the zone. Since Facebook allows you to post about a zillion pictures at a time, try not to create an endless novel of picture albums. You don't want to flood the timelines of people who follow you. No easy "set-ups." Don’t take a picture of your fancy book and mug of hot chocolate to show people how you’re living. They know this is phony, and so do you. No pictures of your food. Sharing pictures of your food is ordinary. Be extraordinary.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Likes, Re-Tweets, and Shares Don’t be too “available.” This is especially true it comes to your actual participation on your timeline. Keep the likes, re-tweets, etc., to a minimum. "Like" someone's post when they share something with you, but don't go out of your way to be the only one poking others to get their attention. You want to have a somewhat regular presence on their timeline...but not so much that you take over and get people to stop following you. What to Actually DO With Social Media Because you did your eBook homework and are working on hosting a regular party, you can use the social media platforms you have available to you to keep things organized. Once you get to a certain level, you can make it a closed, invite-only group to keep the value high. In their excellent book "Jumpstart Your Social Life," Brent Smith and Jason Treu recommend being the social hub by inviting people out to high-quality events; you don't have to attach a message, just invite people you know and want to hang out with every once in a while. Between your social activity and your pictures, people will start to view you as the "guy/girl to know."

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Selectively Choose Your Friends and Followed People I generally don't add someone as a friend/follower on social media unless they ask for it. I'll occasionally add someone like a photographer just to make a new contact, but the image you want to portray on social media is that your time is valuable. You don't want to be viewed as a "promoter/spammer." You simply want to be seen as a person with a very active social life. Never, Never Do the Following 

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Never ask someone out on a date on social media. (Group outings and social invites are a completely different thing than asking your "one crush" to go out on a date via direct message.) Post overly political messages. You’re not a Senator. You'll accomplish nothing and will alienate half of the people who follow you. Post bathroom selfies. Share your deep insights. People care far less about your insights than you think. Post any picture of you by yourself that you took yourself. "Like" your crush's Cabo bikini pics at 2 a.m. at night. Stop interacting a lot on social media except on your terms.

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you having adventures with other people, or you traveling with others. No more creepy bathroom selfies and no more being alone in your photos. Use social media as a way to organize your regular social gatherings; selectively invite people out to things in conjunction with your pictures to be seen as the "person to know." Don't post, like, share, or Tweet too often. You want to create a little bit of mystery, after all. Cultivate an air of unavailability. "Give to give." Be the social hub and share the occasional event invite with people. Don't use social media to weasel into other people’s events, but rather as an instrument to give other people a good time.

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Chapter Four: Attracting the Opposite Sex without Chasing Becoming More Attractive Without Chasing First Things First: Fix Your Attitude

Nothing you say, do, wear, or lift will help you with women if you start off with the wrong attitude. Here’s where you need to focus. Abandoning Her-League-My-League Thinking In short: now is the time to abandon game-based thinking. Can you "game" women? Yes. Should you? No. You should focus on building an attractive mindset, and attractive exterior, and building yourself up to the point where you never feel a wall of artificial "out of my league" separation between you and extraordinary women. When you truly feel attractive, you’ll never feel the need to “game.” From here on out, promise me: to you, there are no more "leagues." There is no more "I won't approach someone that beautiful; she probably has a boyfriend." There is no more "I'm too ugly/short/fat to land a hot woman." There is no more changing your behavior around hot women because you think she'll like you more if you're more cocky/more polite/whatever.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex If you focus on becoming the right kind of guy - a guy that people like being around - women will chase you. Because you'll be a rare find. Abundance Mentality I won’t repeat myself – you’ve read about abundance mentality already. But there are a few principles to remember as you go forward: 

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Choose a woman who chooses you. No more "making" a woman like you with "game." Go around and be your best self and let the women choose you, and proceed from there. If you're worried it will never happen that way, check your scarcity mindset at the door and keep reading. Failure is not permanent. Until a meteor crashes on earth and humanity is wiped out, there will always, always, always be more extraordinary, beautiful women out there. "Soul mates" don't exist. You are no longer trying to win any one particular women over; you are now building the lifestyle of a man who attracts women into his life easily and naturally.

Reframing Failure and Rejection As Opportunities 

Rejection is good for you. You’ll find out more about this in a little bit. In fact, if you do it right, you'll start to see that rejections only help you build up confidence and poise. When you watch yourself fail and overcome your worst fear, you will innately build the belief systems that foster genuine self-confidence. 141

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Failure is motivation. If someone makes fun of you, thank them for fostering your motivation. Write down the motivating thought, and use it to fuel you at the gym. From today on out, you will no longer fear mockery or failure; instead, you will digest it, use it for its motivational calories, shit it out, and flush it down the toilet of forgotten memories.

Attracting Women Is Not What You Do, It's Who You Are This is the toughest pill to swallow for men who have been learning pickup lines, negs, and the like. It's time to abandon that circus shit forever and walk around with the confidence that you are enough. 

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"I am enough." Come from the attitude of "I am enough" and the world will open up to you. Come from the attitude of "I must be witty and charming to earn approval" and you will repel people away, because they'll sniff out your low value from a mile away. Building good habits. You are not going to attract beautiful women overnight. You're going to build yourself into an attractive person via good habits: becoming fun, open, and energetic - a positive presence. If you have good habits, you won't ever have to worry about "what to say" again. You are malleable. The brain is malleable. Your habits are malleable. You are not the static being you imagine yourself to be. So don't fret and say "well, who I am hasn't attracted anyone yet." You can simultaneously be yourself and improve yourself.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex The Need to "Game" Comes from Scarcity 

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"I need to game her" is the same as saying "I am not enough." We want to build you up into someone who can walk up to a woman, have no idea about what you're going to say, and still feel the confidence and poise of someone who expects to be treated with respect. Having one or two "lines" is not the same as gaming. "Hello" is technically a "line" you can memorize. That doesn't make it particularly artificial. It's okay to have one or two basic things to say to people ready to go; if you spend enough time socializing, chances are you'll develop this habit anyway.

What You Do: Eyes, Voice, Body I know, I know. In the previous section I wrote "It's not what you do, it's who you are." And now I'm telling you what to do?! I've got it all confused! But the idea is simple: the way you use your eyes, your voice, and your body are extensions of your internal belief system. If you believe yourself to be a pathetic, shy loser, that will come out in bad eye contact, voice, and body language habits. In truth, your eyes, voice, and body are who you are. They're the habits that you really have to work at to improve and control. Here's the gist of where you want to be: Eye Contact and Voice

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex You remember the section from earlier, right? Now’s as good a time as any to review it. Go ahead. I’ll wait. Body Language and Posture Do the above (eye contact and speaking from fun authority), and most of your non-verbal communication is taken care of. You’ll see more about posture later in this Ebook, but for now, ask yourself this: How do you feel if you walk around like a king? Go ahead. Walk around the room like a king. Hold your chest up, survey your kingdom like a lion, and sit back down. How different do you feel? How relaxed? How powerful? How you carry yourself impacts how others see you—but it also affects how you see yourself. When you catch yourself slouching, sit up and smile. A Note on Innate Social Proof What do all of these "outer game" items have in common? They come to you naturally when you're given a position of leadership. If you've ever encountered someone with "situational confidence," like say a manager at a coffee shop who's in charge of a bunch of college-age employees, you'll find that their behaviors tend to automatically "correct" to reflect their position. Even if they're not usually like that. If you've ever been in that situation, you probably know that your interactions with women

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex seem a lot easier, more fluid, more natural, and you often generate attraction. The goal, then, is to create this same confidence and congruence at a base level; i.e., you don't depend on being the coffee shop manager; you depend on feeling like a leader all the time. When you feel this way, people will inherently assume good things about you. They'll judge you based on your behaviors, perceive that you view yourself as high value, and they'll work on the assumption that it's true. And, ideally, it is. For most men, it goes like this:  External validation: Playing confidence as a "role": Man exhibits high value behaviors: Women are attracted It works. But it's not genuine. It's built on a foundation of sand; remove the external validation and the entire house of cards crashes down. You want it to be more like this:  Self-validation: Genuine confidence: You exhibit high value behaviors: Women are attracted That is how you become naturally good with women, in a nutshell. But, of course, more remains to be explained. Who You Are: Inner Game, Attractiveness, and Self-Leadership Would you date you? It's not fair to blame beautiful women for not being attracted to you if you do nothing to attract them. And your attractiveness

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex depends entirely upon the quality of your presentation to the world. How often are you working on that quality? The common axiom is "it's not what you do, it's who you are." That's why a wise man will focus on making himself better across the full spectrum. Inner Game If you’re still confused by Chapter One, go back and re-read it. There’s a reason it’s positioned at the start of this book, and there’s a reason we took our time getting through the basics. Attractiveness This is a big enough piece of being suave that it has its own section here. But the key point is: you can and should work on your attractiveness. I don't want to hear that your face is ugly. I want to hear about how you're changing your body, your style, your hygiene, and everything that is under your control for the better. 

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If you want attractive women, be as attractive as you can be. You can be unattractive and date attractive women, true. But if you're actively working on bettering yourself, you're going to come from a better place right off the bat. You're going to believe in yourself more, you're going to take pride in taking care of yourself, and you're going to be more mentally healthy. A lot of value is conveyed through clothing. Can you attract women without it? Sure. But a suave man doesn't bother. Wearing well-fitting, stylish clothing has tons of

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benefits, including really practical benefits like getting into bars/clubs more quickly. Love yourself. You should fundamentally enjoy treating yourself well, and that includes treating your exterior well. If you love yourself, it's infectious. Once again, all of this stuff is connected.

Self-Leadership Ever hear of the bystander effect? When someone is in danger, many people simply watch, trusting someone else to take a leadership role. People want to be led. But you can't hope to lead anyone until you can lead yourself. There is something innately attractive about a man who knows what he wants, who’s protective of his time, and who is decisive in social situations. Here are some things you can improve in self-leadership: 

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Self-improvement. Going to the gym is self-leadership. Studying is self-leadership. Anything that requires discipline for a greater good that you envision for yourself? It's worth more than gold. Treat your free time as such. Boundaries. No suave man was ever a pushover. Even James Bond wiped out motherfuckers with harpoons when they tried sneaking up on him. Do not allow yourself to be treated rudely. Poise. In tough situations, do you freak the fuck out? Do you get butthurt when women make fun of you and call you creepy? Or are you poised, even when you get rejected?

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Never, ever, be butthurt. Lead yourself to relaxation and fun. Baby Steps and Incremental Improvement 

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Start where you are. If you have the guts and mental fortitude, throw yourself into the pool. If not, start where you are. It's not easy to start changing yourself, so if merely walking outdoors alone gives you the heebie-jeebies, start there. Set a weekly goal, meet it, and improve the next week. Maybe one week, it's just to go somewhere where beautiful women are. Maybe the next week, it's to say "hello" to one woman a day. Maybe the next week, it's saying hello and striking up a mundane conversation. Maybe the next week, you work on your eye contact. Maybe the next week, you work on speaking loudly and clearly. Keep stacking weeks. Improve by 1% each week and you'll be amazed at your progress within a year. The Seinfeld Productivity Technique. The gist: Buy a calendar. Start a new habit today. Cross the day off on your calendar when you've achieved your daily goal. Your chief aim? To maintain the chain of completed days. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Just keep the chain alive. Keep a progress journal. This won't only help you believe in the progress you're making, but as you get farther along in the journey, you'll be able to go back to those first days and see how much you've really changed.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Becoming suave is a long-term investment in yourself; think of it like going to the bank every day and making a deposit. Through the power of compound interest, you'll eventually find yourself in amazing places. It won't happen overnight, but if you're vigilant, it will happen. Frame, Rejection, Poise, and Your "Confidence Muscle" We humans are evolved to live in small nomadic groups; as such, all it takes to build "social value" is to have the strongest mental frame of mind in any given group of people. If attracting beautiful women is who you are and not what you do, then your confidence must be a matter of course, and not a matter of circumstance. 

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There is no game except frame control. In any given situation, one person's views dominate. When you meet someone, are they welcomed into your universe...or are you trying to earn their respect and approval? And having everyone's attention isn't enough. As Nick Sparks puts it, would you rather be the jester...or the king? Frame is usually expressed in poise. The unwavering belief in yourself is not aggressive; it is relaxed. It's Michael Jordan looking at nothing but the next in Game 6. James Bond stays James Bond, even when betrayed and rejected. Frame is built like muscle. You have to exercise it. And, like muscle, your mental poise and frame can be built by failure. Rejection makes good practice, even better than success. Overcoming other challenges with your dignity in tact will

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex make you a better man who sees his life from a larger perspective. One of the most valuable things you can learn to do is handle a frame test. A frame test can be anything: an objection, an insult, an attempt to knock you off your game. You'll read a lot about these online, usually in the context of picking up women. But the truth is, I think most people give you frame tests just to test your mental mettle. How to respond to a frame test: 

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Never lose your cool. Losing your cool is the first and most immediate sign that your frame test has failed. Stay cool, baby, ice cold. Ignore. Not a great solution, but it generally beats overreacting, losing your cool, etc. Simply move on with the conversation. Shut down. This isn't my favorite, because it's not generally smooth, but at least it shows that you're not going to take any guff. Agree/disagree and amplify. We're getting a little closer. If someone says "you are just a player, aren't you?" you might disagree and say "Actually, I'm a virgin...and I'm really sensitive about it. Thanks!" in a clearly joking tone. Or you might agree and say..."Yeah, thanks! I'm actually thinking about turning pro." Point is, you're not taking a frame test seriously, which means you're passing it.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex This is not just a matter of technique; it's about understanding what's behind a frame test that will give you more success. The real key: Why does the latter solution work so well? A frame test cannot be passed, it can only be failed. A frame test can only be swatted away by not taking its power seriously. Since you live in your world, you won't acknowledge the authority of other people to measure your worth as a person. Besides, life is a frame test. James T. Kirk understood this when he beat the Kobayashi Maru test; he simply refused to acknowledge it as a legitimate test. Alexander the Great understood this received a letter from Persian King Darius III asking for an alliance. Alexander’s response? He didn't even acknowledge Darius' ability to make such a request, saying, "Approach me therefore as the lord of all Asia. If you are afraid of suffering harm at my hands by coming in person, send some of your friends to receive proper assurances. Come to me to ask and receive your mother, your wife, your children and anything else you wish. Whatever you can persuade me to give shall be yours." Alexander also understood it when he encountered the Gordian Knot; rather than succumb to everyone else's frame and attempt to be the best at untying it, he simply chopped it apart. A frame test is an attempt to see if you'll participate as a peon in someone else's universe. Don't. If you value yourself, you value your own perspective. Truth be told, as you become more

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex advanced in your charisma, the frame test shouldn't really feel like a major challenge. If you have poise and control over your emotions, you'll find it easy to laugh off frame tests. Having "Something to Say" One of the most frequent problems men will bring up when starting out dating is that they fear they'll run out of stuff to say. I'll give you the quick fix, and then the way to treat the problem that's causing the symptom. Actually Have Something to Say If you see a woman you want to introduce yourself to, you can't let brain-freeze get in the way. Develop a sentence or two you use to introduce yourself. It doesn't have to be perfect; it just has to be there, in your back pocket, so you can focus on beating your fears. Here are a few suggestions: 

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Direct: "Excuse me, I thought you were really cute and I wanted to introduce myself. I'm _____." The "direct" method. Funny: "This is a crazy coincidence, but I have those exact same shoes." Especially good if she's wearing heels. Cheerful: "Hey, happy Friday!" Simple: "Hi." Revolutionary!

I'll be the first to admit I'm not re-inventing the wheel. But if you're thinking to yourself, "I've said hi before and it hasn't worked," or "The problem is, I don't know what to say after that," then let's dig a little deeper to find what the real problem is.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Golden Lips The problem with "running out of things to say" is primarily about your attitude and beliefs, not about your literal ability to say charming things. Golden Lips is a basic concept that as long as you believe that what you say is valuable (because it comes from you, a valuable person), you'll end up talking people’s ears off. I rarely encounter someone with an actual "having something to say" problem. Shy nerds turn into regular extraverts when they're in online chats and feel no pressure to say anything particularly worthwhile. Here are a few ways to fix the problem: 

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Practice saying stuff without regard to its quality. Practice just talking, and talking, and talking. Talk to the lady behind the deli counter, the gas station clerk, the UPS guy. To keep talking, you'll have to lower your standard for "what's charming." You may end up just talking about the weather, for example. But eventually, you'll discover that you're more charming when you remove the mental blocks that have been holding you back. Remember that communication is mostly nonverbal. You can entrance people with a dumb story about that one time you went camping...or you can be saying some pretty mindblowing stuff about the universe and watch as people roll their eyes. Social skills aren't always about intrinsic value, but perceived value. And the perceived value of what you

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex say has more to do with your subcommunication than your actual communication. It's about energy, not content. Think about how fun it is to talk to a kid. Kids have nothing to say, most of the time. But they're fascinated anyway, so the energy of the conversation makes it fun. Talking to the mailman about the rain is boring...but talking to a kid who's like "WOW! Look at how fat the raindrops are!" is fun. It's not because of the content the mailman knows the weather better - it's about what's behind the interaction. The energy. So stop believing there's "nothing to say," and focus on being a talkative, fun person who engages other people. Chances are, the good stuff will flow anyway. Bringing the Party vs. Seeking the Party When you start a new interaction with people, one of two things will happen: you will either bring the energy down, or you will offer surplus energy. You're either taking or you're giving. You've experienced seeking the party if you've ever walked up to a group in a bar that looked like they were having fun, only to be gently ignored by those standing on the outskirts. You've experienced being the party if you've ever joked around and had a good time with friends and saw that people started to talk to you. It's a subtle distinction, so here are a few principles to live by:

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex

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Approach each interaction with a "boost." Evaluate the energy of your surroundings, and provide a gentle lift in energy when you talk to people. If you're having a ball in the club, that means shouting "woo," doling out high-fives, and dancing your ass off. If you're chatting to someone at the library, it's offering a pleasant hello. Your goal: communicate that interacting with you is going to be pleasant, fun, and worth their time and energy. Go out with the goal of providing a good time. Yes, providing. People are wrapped up in their fears, their anxieties, their uncertainty about the world around them. Be a catalyst to having fun. Be that guy who says "oh, karaoke night? Sure, I'll start us off?" And do it not for you, but for the situation. Give more than you get. When you’re content giving more than you get, neediness dissolves away. Carpe diem. Wherever you are, decide that's where the party is. With a few male friends in the bar? Lift up the energy and play some bar games. Alone at the bar? Ask the bartender if they'll play dice. Talking to some elderly people at the old folks' home? Start up a rousing game of Scrabble. From now on, the good time in the room can be had by knowing you. Seize the day. Introduce people to each other. Even if you don't know people that well. You'll find that being a social catalyst inherently provides fun to people, because it allows them to feel like they belong in the good time that's being enjoyed by all. You'll also be seen as the guy who "knows everyone." Act like you own the place. Brent Smith recommends approaching a new situation by walking around and making

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex quick, enjoyable small talk with everyone there - you know, like how the mayor of the city might enter the situation, schmoozing. The key is that you end the interactions first and move on. People will think "who is that guy that knows everyone?" It's social proof. Then, once you've talked to everyone in the room, settle down for a drink and watch how many people re-engage with you. Remember: there is no such thing as something for nothing. By re-focusing your energy on supplying the situation with energy, introductions, and a fun time, you'll put yourself in the right spot for women to approach you and ask, "so...who are you?" But it's not done by accident. It comes from the attitude of giving, not from expecting something for nothing. Lifestyle vs. "Picking Women Up" There's a reason women view pickup as creepy, and it's not always for the reason you think. Focusing your life on seducing women, figuring them out, and approaching it like a video game might seem like fun to you, but it's not how a truly suave man lives. A renaissance man is willing to approach women to build his confidence, sure, but he recognizes that this is only the part of a package of a re-invented lifestyle. Your goal should be to put yourself into the position to succeed; it's that axiom, "90% of success is showing up."

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex When you take up a number of social hobbies, when you go to bars not to pick up women but to have fun and be the catalyst for everyone to have a great time, when you start giving more energy than you take...then you'll start to see how meeting women can be the part of this complete breakfast...rather than just a tasty donut. That's all well and good to say, of course: but how is it done? 

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Talk to everyone. Talk to the old man in the grocery line just as much as the cutie who was looking at 2% milk. You'll build up massive amounts of social experience and momentum by doing this, and you'll start to see beautiful women not as special flowers but as people. Imagine that. End interactions first. Building a lifestyle means you're busy; it's only a matter of practicality to end conversations first and move on. But it will also instill your vibe with the aura of value; there's only so much of you to go around. Get in the habit of ending interactions first, and that means everything from text conversations to hitting it off with beautiful women. Log the hell off. Internet can certainly be a part of this complete breakfast; it's what I'm doing right now. But life is best experienced in living color. You're not going to experience the full benefits of a complete lifestyle until you get out in the real world and earn that ice-cold frame. You're not going to build social momentum if you get home from work and veg out in front of computer games that practically play themselves. Find the fun stuff out there that also has the added effect of making your social life more interesting.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex

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Remember: be generous with your energy. Don't give to others with the expectation of receiving. Give for the sake of giving. It's a subtle distinction, but it will make all the difference. I recommend taking up volunteering if you really want to work on this idea of giving for the sake of giving; chances are, it will feel like the most valuable thing you do all week. It's okay to let go. Having a great conversation with a statuesque blonde? Try giving out your number instead of taking it. You'll get a lot of B.S. from other guys for this, "It's a man's job to call the woman," etc. But try it out a few times and see if she doesn't end up contacting you. It's okay to let go. There are more women out there, there's more life to experience right now. No matter how great the vibe is, no matter how much she loves you, remember: you'll always be more powerful if you're willing to let it all go. As Fight Club notes, it's not only until you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.

Stop Tolerating Bullshit That last point is important, because letting things go is part of living in a mentality and lifestyle of abundance. Sometimes, that means letting go of situations and even people who do nothing but drag you down. When I worked at a retail store, I started getting used to dealing with rude customers. I usually let it go. Then, one day, my shift manager saw me deal with a particularly irate woman and took

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex me aside. He said something like, "Hey, you know you have the right to refuse service to anyone, right?" I probably blinked like someone who'd never heard this concept before. "I do?" "Yeah." "But isn't the customer always right?" "Hell, no." He was my favorite shift manager. And that was it. The next time a customer treated me rudely, I refused service and told them to come back when they were ready to treat me like a normal person. The person staggered out, wide-eyed, and everyone else in the line was on their best behavior. From then on, I realized that humility has a lot of power, but having a spine can be just as important. You don't have to be an abrasive asshole to achieve this effect. You simply have to manage what happens in your life. You have the right to say, "I accept this," or, "I don't accept this." And you'll find that women are generally more attracted to a man who has his head on straight. Sometimes, they'll throw frame tests your way just to feel their way around your boundaries. And you know what? Being that spineless overly nice guy justifiably turns them off.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex And here's a revolutionary thought: you should hold women to the same standards you hold men. You'd be amazed at how often a man will let a woman walk all over him just because it's the perceived social order - often, it doesn't even occur to the guy that her behavior is abnormal because he holds her to a different standard than he holds her friend. The key is to see each situation with a level head. Is it reasonable to let a guy butt in line if he's polite, asks you to do it, and has a valid reason? Sure, let him butt. Is a female trainer at the gym trying to kick you off the machine so she can use it? Well, like anyone else, she can wait her turn. Again, the principle is to lead yourself - and lead the people around you. Don't be invasive. If there's a public argument, don't get involved in the argument; but you can certainly point out that this is neither the time nor place for it. Mind your own business, but don't become a bystander, either. It's a difficult balance to achieve, but once you start doing it, you'll be amazed at how quickly many people will see how their behavior was inappropriate all along. And a quick caveat: use your common sense. Don't go picking fights with biker dudes just to show you're a big tough man, and don't let someone get away with something inappropriate just because she happens to be a beautiful woman. Ask yourself with a level head, "should I really accept this?" And be polite but firm.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Conclusion: Becoming the VIP This chapter isn't all about how to seduce beautiful woman; it's about becoming an attractive man who knows how to talk to attractive women. It's about getting to that level where you feel, quite justifiably, that you belong with exceptional people. Hell, it's about being an exceptional person. It's a lot to swallow, and it's a lot of homework. But many of these principles will have major positive consequences in different areas of your life. Taking pride in your clothing will help you make a better impression at work. Learning how to grow a spine will help you support your family members. Learning "giving to give" will teach you the value of being a genuinely kind person. Talking to everyone will help you meet new friends in unexpected places. It's not about "game." This is your life, and when you go out to interact with the world, you have the moral obligation to make other people’s lives better for knowing you. And, if you meet a few hot babes along the way - great.

How to Make Rejection Feel Good If I told you that it was possible to face one of every man's darkest fears and come out the better for it, you'd probably tell me to go back to selling real estate on Mars.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex But it's true. Handling rejection with poise, confidence, and class is like doing bench presses for your "suave muscle." Nothing else will give you more pride, confidence, or satisfaction than handling adversity with a calm, positive attitude. Now rejection is indeed a scary word. Our fear of rejection is palpable - and well-deserved, since rejection can literally feel like a punch in the gut. But learning to be suave is impossible until we learn how to deal with this very real fear - and very real problem. Luckily, with a little mental work, a good attitude, and the right habits, you'll be able to handle rejection in an empowering way. In fact, when you watch yourself get rejected and handle it with poise, dignity, and class, you'll pull a Suave Grinch: your confidence will increase three sizes that day. Bottom line: If you learn how to handle rejection like a suave man, it can do more for your self-confidence than any success. Principle #1: Abundance Mentality The "Abundance Mentality" is at the very core of everything you do as a suave man, and it applies to rejections as well. So let's recap it briefly: Abundance mentality is not confidence that you'll succeed with any particular woman, but rather the confidence that you can

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex always succeed with the next woman. Abundance mentality says "there's plenty of fish in the sea." No matter how sexy she is or how great your vibe is with this particular woman, the abundance mentality is always ready to move to the next one if need be. Common symptoms include relaxation, poise, and confidence. Think of Jerry Seinfeld in the episode "The Opposite." In the episode, Jerry's come to the realization that everything seems to work out evenly for him. Suddenly, he doesn't fret about any losses, because he's convinced that the next gain is just around the corner. This is in contrast to scarcity mentality: Scarcity mentality places too much emotional investment in one woman's or one person's opinion because you believe that there will NOT be a "next time." You might not expressly think it, but you believe "this is my one chance at love." Common symptoms include nervousness, fear, and outrageously overblown crushes in a woman you barely know. Your mentality is largely a result of your internal habits, so don't expect to will-power yourself into an abundance mentality overnight. The good news, though, is that many of your fears of rejection will vanish once you truly adopt the abundance mentality. After all, once you have an abundance mentality, any one single rejection doesn't seem to matter as much. There are more beautiful, intelligent women just around the corner, right?

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Principle #2: Take Her Rejection Seriously There are a lot of reasons a woman might reject you, but it's important that when she says "go away," or "I'm not interested," you take her word for it. Some keys: 

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Don't linger when she's explicitly told you off. You were being kind, courteous, and direct, and she was being rude in response. If you have an ounce of self-respect, you'll ditch the "sales" mentality and say to yourself "okay, this one's not going to be any fun." You're not a used car salesman, and you should not place a woman's beauty on a pedestal above your basic standards for behavior and respect. Be kind and move along. Don't hound her after you've already asked her out. I see this one a lot. Guys say, "I've asked her out already, but she's busy last weekend. Should I ask her out again?" Hell no! She knows your intention now; if she's interested, she'll reschedule. Women aren't sheep who need you to lead them to saying "yes." They're capable of making their own decisions and reaching out to you. Stop holding her hand and acknowledge that she's just not that into you.

A suave man is not a car salesman, continually trying every trick in the book so he can make his quota. The suave man is the man who shows up to the lot and says "Whaddya got?" If he's not welcome, he's got better things to do than to linger. Bottom line: when she rejects you, it's goodbye time. 164

The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex It's okay. The boo-boo will heal in time. Contrary to your scarcity mentality's instincts, this woman is not your perfect love or your soul mate. Move along. Principle #3: Have the James Bond Attitude James Bond is the epitome of a sex symbol. Yet, oddly enough, there are plenty of examples when he was rejected by beautiful women. Let's take a look at how James Bond handles this, shall we? First, "Thunderball." James Bond is betrayed by a beautiful woman. Does he get angry? Does he worry about his future love life? Does he lament that women are out to get him? Woman: What a blow it must have been. You, having a failure! She's rubbing it in! What an asshole! Any ordinary man would be fucking out of his mind at this point. But not Bond. What does Bond do? He almost smiles. Somehow, he finds it amusing. Then he drops this quote, almost as if he's talking to himself: Bond: Well, you can't win them all. Yeah, James Bond is a fictional character, but you can learn a lot from his nonchalant attitude towards rejection. "You can't win them all" is something only someone with a rock-solid abundance

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex mentality would say, because the subtext is "You can't win them all...but I nearly do." Let's go with a more recent example: "Casino Royale." James Bond loses his match of witty repartee with the sultry Vesper Lynd. In fact, she leaves him feeling "skewered," in his own words. How does he react? He smiles to himself, as if to say "well, that was interesting." Do you think James Bond went to bed that night fretting and cringing over how he'd been skewered by Vesper Lynd? No, because when he was deciding what to think about that interaction, he decided to smile. He kept his cool the entire time and found a way to laugh at the whole thing. The principle here: James Bond isn't only a master of talking to others, but he's a master of talking to himself. He doesn't succumb to self-pity or self-loathing. Neither should you. Principle #4: A Polite Goodbye Okay, so you've approached a woman or a group of women and they're being cold and mean to you. You know that you can behave like James Bond and stay poised and amused...but what do you actually do to get yourself out of the situation with your dignity intact?

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Simply put, you leave on a good note. You wish them well. In spite of everything, you try something revolutionary: a little kindness. “Well, I should go. But have a great night guys.” And you depart. This accomplishes a few things: 

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Everyone else in the room is aware of what's going on, to some extent. If you leave with your head slunked into your chest, they're gonna know "oh, that guy failed." If they see you walk with your head held high, they might think "oh, he's cool...those women are just sort of cold. It helps you feel better. Handling rejection with poise is a display to yourself that you can handle rejection and not let it ruin your night. It's like watching yourself find the legs for the last lap of a hard-fought race. You'll be amazed at your own strength, and it will fill you with pride and confidence. It potentially saves the interaction for later--but only if she comes up to you. PLEASE NOTE: You're not doing this to win them over or "salvage" anything. That's not the focus here.

Principle #5: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Remember your first time on a roller coaster? Waiting in line, with your nerves a-tingle, your stomach in knots? Sometimes, approaching a beautiful woman can feel like that. You'll Set aside a certain number of be much better at making the days, during which you shall be approach when you realize content with the scantiest and that there's no untying the cheapest fare, with course and rough dress, saying to yourself knot. You simply have to feel the while: " Is this the condition the fear and do it anyway. that I feared?" If you know how to properly -Seneca handle rejection, don't fret: no matter what happens, you'll come out on the other end a better person. And you might just wonder what scared you so much in the first place. So don't be afraid to be rejected. If it happens, you'll have the opportunity to say "well, I'm still alive. Still in one piece. Is that what I was so afraid of all this time? Even James Bond occasionally loses the girl. What matters is your attitude, your poise, and the warm way in which you treat people, including even those who reject you. Handling rejection this way can result in women apologizing and re-initiating with you...but that's not the point. The point of

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex handling rejection this way is to keep your night going and to build your self-confidence. When you discover that you can handle rejection like a suave man, you'll start believing more and more that you are a suave man. Remember: failure is a way to grow, the same way you don't get stronger by successfully lifting a tiny amount of weight a little bit, but by lifting weight just outside your comfort zone. Rejection can build confidence, pride, and poise. Why do men fear it so much? If they knew what you and I know, they wouldn't. They'd go out and handle it.

The Suave Guide to Phones and Texting This is a major paradigm shift for most men, but it’s true: When you start giving out your number, women will reach out to you. In fact, it’s not really all that magical a process to turn the ol' phone switcheroo as long as you can accept that it's:   

Possible Quite normal More efficient

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex In this case, my advice for men and women is exactly the same: when it comes to texting and talking on the phone, reduce the clutter, only give out your number, and let the dates come to you. 1. Cut the Noise Only give out your number. First, let me talk to the women: you're probably used to giving out your number, but just in case you are, you'll generally get away with a phrase like "would you like my number?" If things are going well, he'll jump at the chance. So keep it simple. Now, the guys. I know, guys...the idea of giving out your number will feel like you're giving up all of your power as a man. Every instinct in your body tells you that you need to get the digits, bro! You feel like you're only in control of your life as long as you control every little thing. But I've gotten more than a few numbers in my time, and I can tell you that there's nothing powerful about texting a woman and having her respond with "who's this again?" So riddle me this: who's more powerful, the guys in the diner fretting about whether to wait 2 or 3 days to call a woman like the dudes from "Swingers," or the guy who's chilling at home watching TV when a woman texts him? How to Give Out Your Number The #2 complaint guys give me when I talk about giving out my number is "but you’re a fancy eBook writer, that only works for you. Women never ask for my number."

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex You can change all that with two simple phrases: "you're welcome to join me" and "shoot me a text." Can it really be that easy? Yes, there has to be some spark of interest for a woman to ask a few leading questions. But remember: we're choosing people who choose us. If you throw out "I'm doing X later" or "I'm doing Y this weekend" and she doesn't express enthusiasm, guess what? I don't give out my number. Someone else will want it. Abundance mentality is not just a buzz phrase. Let them chase you. The first time you give out your number and someone texts you, it will bug you out. In the absence of poise, it'll be tempting to go back to old "chasing" habits: Her: Hey, it's Jen from the bar. Is that afterparty still on? You: 555 N. Suave Boulevard. Are you coming? You: [sixteen minutes later] This party's bumping! You should come. You: [seventeen minutes later] where r u You: [seventeen minutes and thirty seconds later] I'm such a loser please love me, that one eBook said this would work Her: [silence, never comes]

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex You have to fight that instinct that says "I've got to make this happen." They're chasing you now. They have to make it happen, or it won't happen. It should go more like this: Her: Hey, it's Jen from the bar. Is that afterparty still on? You: popping the champagne right now. 555 N. Suave Boulevard I like to throw out a phrase that suggests the party's already bumping. But even that won't always quote-unquote "work." If she never responds and never shows up, you don't text. You're not Uber; she's a big girl and she can move herself from A to B. Your texting isn't going to make her drive faster. If she doesn't show up, it's - and this will shock you - probably because she decided against it. You don't care because you're already at a party. Only respond if she asks a question, like "where do I park?" But maybe you don't have your awesome afterparties set up yet. Let's consider a less "nightlife" scenario. Don't be this guy: Her: Hey, it's Jane from class. What r u up to? You: Hey Jane! Wow, can't believe you texted me. I'm just playing some video games, listening to some music. Do you like Foo Fighters? LOL anyways just a lazy afternoon...how about you? Can you spot what's already wrong here? Dude's giving way too much information out right away, making himself way too available and desperate to keep the conversation going. Conversation might resume from here, but you'll notice that that

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex same spark that made her text you in the first place will disappear. Her: Hey, it's Jane from class. What r u up to? You: chillin And nothing else. It's how you'd respond to a friend, so it shows that you don't place any particular importance on this interaction - it shows that you've had women texting you before. You won't give off a disinterested vibe, you'll give off a "this happens all the time, I'm busy" vibe. She'll almost always follow up after this. Be "fashionably unavailable." All of the above demonstrates one important point: you shouldn't be too available. Be "fashionably unavailable." Don't respond to every text you get in your life right away. Don't craft a wellthought out, multi-sentence response to a girl who only deigned to say "what's up." Hold back until it's obvious that the person chasing you is serious about their interest in you. This will feel strange at first, and counter-intuitive if you've never had a lot of experience in the opposite sex being attracted to you. But remember, at this point, you've already weeded out all of the people who aren't attracted to you because they don't have your number and they aren't texting you.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex A suave man is fashionably unavailable. From now on, so are you. 2. Cut the Neediness As a rule, leave the conversation first. Here's something most men could do to instantly increase their mystique yet the internal resistance is strong. A guy will be talking to a woman on the phone, hitting it off. He's absolutely thrilled that she called him, that she's beautiful and has a great job and that she genuinely seems funny and interesting. The vibe is great. And what happens? The guy...just...can't...seem...to...let...go. Then, she ends the conversation first. Not a party-stopper by any means. The "game is still on" if you had a great conversation. But you guys know what I'm talking about when I say I've hung on to too many conversations for far too long. When you do, it says all the wrong things: that you're moving my schedule around to talk to her (despite not really knowing her that well yet), that she's your only current option, and that you'll wait for her to lead rather than end a conversation myself. All of the above will make you less attractive. It might not kill your chances. But I think the women reading this might remember a guy doing something similar. How did it make

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex you feel over time, ladies? Men, have you ever dealt with someone who had a crush on you who forced you to find an exit? It's not exactly a turn-on, is it? I don't care if you're hitting it off with Helen of Troy's hotter sister; you will not improve your chances by increasing your availability. In fact, the more exceptional she is the less she's used to someone who's ever-so-slightly unavailable. If she's exceptional, then a guy being normal is refreshing. It's sad, but it's true. Yes, I used the word "normal." How is ending the conversation first "normal"? Shouldn't you just spontaneously let a conversation end when it ends? Why have this rule in place? Well, when you talk to your friends like a normal person, you leave the conversation when you have to go. And chances are if you have problems with women, you don't treat them with the same relaxed nonchalance with which you treat your friends. Unfortunately, most people attempting romance get a little too attached to their prospects and need to be told to reel it back in a bit. Hence the rule. It's not going to make or break you, but it will make you more intriguing. Never send two texts in a row; let them respond. Ever watch “Swingers”? Don’t be Mikey. If you’ve seen the movie, you know what I mean. Mikey’s the guy who left about a half-dozen messages on a woman’s machine because he was so insecure about himself.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Don't be Mikey. People are not idiots. They see your text. If you asked a question and they didn't respond, they're either 1) in an emergency or otherwise unavailable, in which case you have to wait anyway or 2) rude, in which case you should spend your time on people who aren't. "But what if I have two things to say to a woman? Surely this isn't a hard and fast rule." There are exceptions to every rule, but if you're reading this, chances are you need to reel yourself in rather than talk her ears off. And don't call me Shirley. 3. Add Efficiency Get down to business. Let's go back to our conversation from before. Her: Hey, it's Jane from class. What r u up to? You: chillin You don't send two messages in a row, so the ball's back in her court. It might be a while unless she's really into you (or really into her phone). Then, 99% of the time, she'll ask more questions to engage you. She took your number, after all; you already know she's interested.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex You: chillin Her: "chillin" huh? lol so descriptive At this point, you might say “you want to get together?” It's pretty direct, but it can be difficult to drop it out of nowhere, especially at first. True: someone is texting you because they're interested in getting to know you. But some people will want to text with you a lot first, so experiment with your directness. Here's something for the newbs: You: i'm going out for a bite in a little while. want to join me? "A bite" is nice and casual; since they're already texting you, they'll generally say yes unless they genuinely aren't ready to do it on short notice. You only "choose someone who chooses you," and that means being ruthless with text messaging. Let her feel like she’s winning you over. And make it clear that you don’t want to text, you want to get together. That, after all, is the purpose of texting. Either she's interested or she's not; don't play a zillion text games like you're in high school. Offer the date and let her decide. Keep a "ball is in her court" mentality. Many women will drop it, yes. But that's what the abundance mentality is for.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex More Thoughts on Giving Out Your Number I know a lot of people will resist to a lot of the ideas in this section. It doesn't seem quite real, does it? Newbs won't believe that they can have women text them, send one-word answers, and still have women chase them. Experienced men will insist on more high-falootin' "text game," and insist that women won't go out with you until you've texted for hours and hours on end. There are a few points here: 

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You will not win 100% of the time this way...but you're no longer playing to win, you're playing to be won. Remember, you're choosing someone who chooses you. As the previous section showed, you can’t win them all. We're working to take an abstract concept like the abundance mentality and put it into actual action. Feel free to break a few of these rules if social context warrants it. But if things go wrong, revisit this to see if you might find something you could have improved upon. No, most women will not get turned off by your apparent busyness. Ask any woman who's acted the same way toward men who are attracted to her and you'll find out it generally has the opposite effect. Aren't these "lines"? Well, if you consider "shoot me a text" when hitting it off with a woman to be a pickup line, very well. The point is to get away from phones and texting so you don't feel the need to do all of the circus stuff.

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Chapter Five: Looks and Style You want a beautiful woman. Every man does. But why should you expect a beautiful woman unless you’ve done everything you can to make yourself pleasing to look at – or, in the worst case scenario, as presentable as possible? Let’s start with the quickest fix: how you carry yourself.

A Quick Guide to Posture As a result of your hard work, someone should be able to tell that you have self-respect just by looking at you. But it's not just the way you dress, or the fact that you're wellgroomed. It's in the way you, quite literally, carry yourself. Few direct changes will yield such positive benefits to your confidence and results with women as fixing your posture. Not only does the mind-body connection work both ways (when you fix your body, your mind will follow, and vice versa), but posture is one of the most important social cues other people use to determine whether or not you believe yourself to be awesome. It's no accident that you'll never see James Bond slouch; Sean Connery was famous for his tiger-like stage presence, cultivated with a ballet teacher by the name of Yat Malmgren. Try to find any James Bond who slouches.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex You can’t. Basic Posture Fixes Your habits shape your posture, so if you have bad posture, it's because you have bad habits. For most people, fixing those bad habits and making them good will yield in superior posture without even thinking about it. There are a few principles for ensuring that you have proper posture: 

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Working out regularly with proper form. For many people, simply doing squats, deadlifts, and other compound exercises on a regular basis will help ensure that their posture is on-point. Make a conscious effort throughout the day. Change will hopefully be (mostly) automatic, but you'll need to right the ship on a conscious level before the new posture becomes unconscious. Close your eyes, stand up straight, and get on with your day.

Advanced Fixes If you're still not satisfied with your posture, it may be time to call in the cavalry. 

Dance, ballet, and yoga classes. Sean Connery earned his badass, cool, suave body language by working with a dance instructor. Don't think you're above doing the same. Make sure to tell your instructor about your goals.

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Specific posture coaches. Check out sites like Alexander Technique for specific lessons and advice about body movement.

The Goal: What You're Aiming For So what does proper posture look like, anyway? A good rule of thumb to see what good posture feels like is to lift both of your hands over your head pointing straight up at the sky, align your head underneath them, and then lower your hands while keeping your chest/head in alignment. You should feel like you're standing like superman now. If it feels unnatural, it means you've got some work to do: mostly, physical exercise. But mental exercise will be part of the journey as well, making sure to try and catch yourself if you're not standing or sitting up straight. Standing up straight is one of the very first visual cues that you are not a basement-dwelling sea monster but a confident man in charge of his environment. Make posture a real part of your efforts to get more suave, and people will notice. The Basic Posture Kit For general problems... 

Lift three times per week. This should be part of your fitness routine, of course, but it needs to be said. Deadlifts in

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particular are great for posture. Have a trainer check your form. Tackle about three minutes of posture exercises per day. It usually involves standing straight against a wall and moving your arms, or laying on the floor and doing similar things. Set a phone notification to go off a few times per day for a few weeks. Every time it goes off, ask yourself if you're sitting or standing up straight. If not, fix it and go on with your day. Enter a room walking tall. Make a habit of this. Leil Lowndes in "How to Talk to Everyone" recommended that you pretend that your teeth were tied to the top of the doorway, lifting your head and chin up high.

For specific problems... 

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Take a photo of yourself standing as "normal" as feels natural. Front and sides. Have someone do it, or use your phone's delay setting. Work the stretches and exercises into your usual exercise routine.

Further Reading/Resources: 

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Posture Power: How to Correct Your Body Alignment - A great guide for diagnosing your problem and recommending specific stretches and exercises to fix it. Alexander Technique The Knowing Body: Meaning and Method in Yat Malmgren's Actor Training Technique - Highly advanced

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex and academic but interesting to anyone who wants to get deeper Proper Hygiene The second easiest thing to fix about your personal appearance is your hygiene and grooming. Here’s an easy daily routine that will keep you looking fresh: 

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Shower in cool/lukewarm/cold water. Lukewarm for skin benefits, cold for suave benefits. Shampoo first -> Condition, leaving conditioner in -> Lather body fully -> Rinse body and hair. Dry. Pat, don't wipe, face. Don't over-dry or rub too hard on hair either. Clean mouth. Floss -> Brush -> Don't rinse mouth out. Clean face. Splash water on face -> Dime's worth of face wash, work in gentle circles -> Rinse. Shave. Keep hot water handy. Lather -> Use safety razor and shave with grain in short, gentle strokes and frequently rinse blade in hot water -> Clean gently with moist towel, don't scrub.

Equipment Necessary:  

Shampoo. Conditioner.

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Bar soap. The simpler the ingredients, the better. Will fancy body washes and gels get you clean? Yes. But remember: soap gets you clean because it's an emulsifier. That emulsification is all you need to get clean. There's no need for fancy washes with clever ads unless you like the way it smells and think it's worth paying a premium for. Dental floss. Toothpaste. Unless you have special dental needs, the cheapest toothpaste with fluoride will strengthen your teeth just fine. Face wash. Why not soap? It tends to be a little too much of a blunt instrument for the face. A simple search for "men's face wash" on Amazon will yield plenty of $5 options. Shave soap or shaving cream. Depends on how you roll. I find shaving cream does what I want just fine. Some people recommend against using creams with foaming agents, so if you find that shaving still irritates you, try a regular shave soap or cream. Razor. I recommend a safety razor because it's long-lasting and the blades are cheap, plus it looks more "adult" to have it in your bathroom. Simple tweezers. For tweezing. Deodorant.

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Back brush. Your choice--you simply need to get soap onto your back. Moisturizer. Can be necessary for some, optional for others. A good recommendation is to get a moisturizer that doubles

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as a sunblock. One with zinc oxide or titanium dioxide can be worn outside right away. Body/face exfoliants. Mouthwash. Ask your dentist about the right kind of mouthwash to use, and if you need it.

The Shower 

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Use cold water. There are so many benefits to this that the Art of Manliness calls it the "James Bond shower." For minimal skin irritation, lukewarm water is best. Shampoo. Do it first so you can... Condition. ...apply and rub in conditioner and leave in while you soap up. Use bar soap. Lather up thoroughly. Lather up your body so you can tell that you've gotten soap to all of the areas, then rinse afterwards to wash the soap and dirt away. Rinse thoroughly. Get rid of the conditioner in your hair. The purpose of towels isn't to wipe soap away; it's to get you dry again. Dry. Pat, don't wipe, your face. Helps prevent wrinkling. If you have the patience to pat or air-dry your body entirely, all the better. As for drying your hair, wipe it, don't rub it. And wipe it in the direction it grows. Be okay with leaving it a little wet and let the air do the rest. Don't be all aggressive. Apply deodorant at some point.

Get ready for the next step: at the sink.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Oral Hygiene   

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Floss. Brush teeth. Optional: Mouthwash. Talk to your dentist for recommendations. Don't rinse your mouth out after! You want the fluoride to stick with you a while.

Face Wash 

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Splash your face with lukewarm water. Again, ditch the "pores" nonsense. You just want to lube up a bit for the soap. Use face wash. Rinse thoroughly. Once again, pat dry.

Shaving Shaving is highly dependent on what you're going for; these steps assume you're going for a clean shave. If you're growing it out, do not become a neckbeard, never never never. Instead I'll simply refer you to Beards.com section on grooming. 

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Lather up with shave soap or shaving cream. Let it sit for a while if you're patient. Shave with the grain. Take some time separately to figure out which directions your hairs go if you don't already know. This will reduce irritation a lot. And remember: short, gentle strokes. Especially with a safety razor. Let the blade do the work. Continually rinse your blade in hot water.

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Don't forget your unibrow. If you have one. Skip this if you're tweezing your unibrow. Optional: Shave a second time. Some people go as high as three. It will make for a better shave, of course, but it's up to you to decide if you really enjoy sitting there in front of the mirror that long. Use a moist towel to clean the remaining cream/soap off. It feels way better than using a dry towel. Optional: Moisturize. This is the time to rub in some moisturizer if you're using it.

As-Needed 

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Apply sunscreen if you're going to be in the sun a lot. One of the best ways to avoid wrinkles. Tweeze your unibrow. It's said that tweezing is a more effective long-term solution for a unibrow and other unwanted hairs. It takes more time, but sometimes shaving can irritate.

A Quick Guide to Personal Style and Clothing There aren't many things in life under your direct control, but the way you dress is one of them. Squeeze every ounce of juice out of it: The Most Important Rule 

Fit is king. If it doesn't fit, don't wear it - return it. You're investing your money in clothes, so they'd better fit in a

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex flattering way - and they should be comfortable enough to wear a lot. See this guy? That's how good you can look in a T-Shirt and jeans if you have this stuff nailed down. Be As Handsome As Possible   

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Be in-shape. Be fit. Don't be unfit. Do these rules sound familiar? Well, at least these are under your direct control. Consider exercise killing two birds with one stone: you're getting your health and your style game in check. This guy is wearing fancy clothes but his clothes are baggy. If you can't grow a full beard, shave it all. This is fully under your control. Join the no-neckbeards club. Famous violators include Andrew Luck and this dirty-ass dude. If you're balding, shave it all off. Maybe you won't look like Jason Statham, but you won't look like this guy either. Look how this guy goes from looking like his unhealthy hair is fighting a losing battle to looking bald-on-purpose. Even if you think you will look better with your sliver of hair, just know that you won't. It's far better to have an "intentional," clean look. Get a haircut every two months. Even if you want to grow it out. Simply tell your barber "I'm growing it out, I just want it cleaned up." Many places offer a discount for such a cut. The point is, even if you want to have long hair, you should never look sloppy. Your hair should always look "on purpose."

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Accessories 

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Basics: sunglasses, wristwear (bracelet or watch), maybe something on your neck. Anything more is overdoing it. No rings except wedding rings. No hats, except maybe at sporting events. Unless you work for yourself and are already fit, keep tattoos to an absolute minimum. Tattoos look terrible on fat people. Don't get fancy. Check out how good you can look in a Tshirt and jeans if your fit and choice in clothing is good.

Investing in Clothes 

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Get a well-fitting navy blazer (/r/navyblazer for more) and the rest of your wardrobe will fall into place. Buy a good leather belt that will actually last: LL Bean, Orion Leather, etc. Don't get fanciful. If you want to stand out, then layer effectively, don't buy one-dimensional seasonal shirts. Go with mostly solid colors for ease of matching and versatility. You're not Fashion Guru X; you're simply a suave man.

Colors and Matching   

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Shoes should match belt. Avoid pairing brown and black. Brown and black can each individually match with blue, however. Consider blue a wardrobe staple. Never wear white socks with black shoes. Narrow lapel, narrow tie. Thick lapel, thick tie.

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"Dark skies, dark clothes." Darker clothes hide moisture better. Match your pocket square to your shirt, not your tie. There's a reason this looks good.

Shoes    

No square toes. No socks and sandals. No socks and shorts; if you must wear socks, use no-shows. Brown is king. Brown is versatile and matches most belts.

Fit 

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If your pants or shorts can't stay up without a belt, they don't fit. Tie should hit the middle of your belt buckle when you stand up straight. Shoulder seams should align with the edge of your shoulder when standing up straight, not droop down the arms. Unless it fits, don't make it a part of your wardrobe. Go to the store to try it on. Take it to a tailor. Return it online. Just don't put up with "good enough."

Basic Style Standards 

Wear collars if you can, even if it's just a polo shirt. Plenty of exceptions here, including cardigans, sweaters, and even Tshirts in the casualest of casual occasions. Of course, you can always put your sweatshirt over a collar to dress things up.

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No cargo pockets unless you're camping or fishing. Don't button the bottom button of your blazer. This will make it easy to switch from standing to sitting and back and forth. Hold your standard everywhere. The grocery store, mowing the lawn, etc. Except use your head, too: no navy blazers while on the basketball court. Before you go out, take five seconds to ask "do I look like the kind of man I want to be?" Take time to properly learn how to lace shoes, tie scarves, etc. A simple YouTube video will have you looking far better.

Style: Principles and Rules 1. It is better to slightly overdress than slightly underdress. An overdressed man looks like he just got from somewhere, or is going somewhere. An underdressed man always looks out of place. The more you make a habit of dressing well, the more comfortable you'll feel wearing collars, buttons, and form-fitting clothes. 2. Dressing well is not optional for a suave man. Clothing is under your direct control, so there's no excuse not to look your best. Consider our inspiration: Ocean's Eleven movies, James Bond movies--you will never find these people underdressed for the occasion. Style is a major part of presenting your best foot forward to the world, and it's not an optional piece of the puzzle if you want to be as suave as you possibly can.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Ever see the movie "Crazy. Stupid. Love"? Steve Carrell's middle-aged father character is cuckolded, sent into divorce, and has to face the life of a single man. The problem is, he has basically no dating skills, having married his high school sweetheart. With the help of Ryan Gosling's character, he changes all that. He learns how to talk to women, yes, but the change is also visual. He completely changes the way he dresses. Consider how he starts off. If you didn't know that was Steve Carrell, and were simply asked to make a few assumptions about that guy based off of his clothes, what would you say? "Dad." "Frumpy." "Probably has an average job." "Goes on vacation once a year, at places like Sandals." "Has two-three kids." "Probably isn't down for an adventure." But on paper, it's just jeans and a polo shirt. Ubiquitous, right? On paper, it's a stylish look. So why the hell does he look so damn frumpy? A few things. 

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Fit. The polo's too big - you can tell by how the shoulder seams fall down his arm and how the waist drops down past his ass. The jeans are big and billowy, too. Wardrobe choices. Yeah, it's a polo shirt, which can work. But everything about it is off and screams "I'm a domesticated dad" rather than "I'm a suave gentleman who will always be suave."

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Shoes. Ankle-down, Steve Carrell is dressed for the gym, while Ryan Gosling is dressed to impress.

Focusing almost exclusively on these three items is enough to completely change the way people perceive you. Fit, wardrobe choices, shoes. Now look at how Steve Carrell ends up. If this wasn't Steve Carrell playing a movie character, you would probably look at that picture and have about fifty different assumptions. "He's a jetsetter." "He has a lot of money in the bank." "He may be a bit of a womanizer, or his wife is gorgeous." "He looks like he'd be fun to talk to." "He looks important, powerful even." "He drives a nice car." A few simple purchases and his vibe has totally changed. Lesson? It doesn't cost a million bucks to look like a million bucks. So let's learn how. Fit "Fit, fit, fit" is to style as "location, location, location" is to real estate. I won't re-invent the wheel here. The fastest way you can learn about fit is Shujun's Comprehensive Fit Guide over at /r/malefashionadvice. There's a lot of subtlety in that post, so defer to his judgments. But here are some key takeaways: 

Know how an item should fit before trying it on. When you buy a pair of jeans, make sure it fits like this before you

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keep them. If you're buying online, try to learn your sizes so you can buy right the first time--and make sure that you're buying from a reputable place with a solid return policy, because you should be returning clothes that don't fit. Generally, billowing is a sign that it's too large. Steve Carrell's outfit is textbook "too big" because of all the billowing--the way the fabric gets wavy because there's way too much of it and it stacks up on itself. Sometimes, you can go for billowing--such in in the hem of your jeans--but that's a little too subtle if you're just starting out. When in doubt, get measured by a tailor. If you want to buy online, go get measured by a tailor and ask him to write down all of the relevant dimensions. You can then click through various "fit guides" in online shops to see what size works best. There may be some experimenting you have to do in order to find the brands that generally do you the best justice. If you're fat, lose weight. It's entirely possible to look stylish while simultaneously carrying extra weight, but let's face it: clothes are designed to fit most snugly and comfortably on normal-sized people. Take solace in the fact that one of the many rewards of losing weight is that "clothes fit better."

Wardrobe Choices First, read the basic wardrobe guides at /r/malefashionadvice once again, they've done most of the work for me. I'm just going to whittle it down and explain some essential versatile items that every man should own.

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Remember our principle: it's always better to slightly overdress than slightly underdress. I'm not even going to make T-shirt recommendations; all that's really required is that they fit. As a newly-found suave man, you should basically only be wearing T-shirts around the house and to work out. Polos. The suave man's T-shirt, a T-shirt with a collar. Stores like Uniqlo have simple, stylish polos that are a step above the Target variety, and for completely reasonable prices. Here's James Bond rocking a polo for inspiration. Button-downs. Patterns like Madras and Gingham are fine, but there's nothing more versatile than one of these bad boys, the Oxford Cloth Button Down (OCBD). If it fits, it's instant style. Note that /r/malefashionadvice calls buttondowns of all types "casual through business casual." In other words, you can wear these all the freaking time, paired just about anything from shorts to jeans to chinos to suits. Generally white and light blue have the most versatility. The white option should be considered your staple. Sweaters/sweatshirts/pullovers. To layer and add insulation in cooler months, use your OCBD or other button down to provide the collar for this kind of look. There are V-neck and standard/crewneck options. Choose whatever you like. I recommend Uniqlo for sweatshirts--they have a really classic texture and look that can be dressed up with a collar. Blazers/sportcoats. The navy blazer is extremely versatile, and looks great over a white OCBD. In fact it has its own

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex subreddit, /r/navyblazer, which has its own guide on navy blazers. If you're going to invest in one item that will change your wardrobe entirely, I think it's a toss-up between the OCBD, a navy blazer, or maybe a good pair of versatile shoes. As you grow into your wardrobe, you can add tan, grey, etc. Pants 

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Shorts can look great - they shouldn't be too long and shouldn't have cargo pockets. MaleFashionAdvice once again makes my life easier with a visual guide. Jeans should be dark, with high-quality denim. You saw an example before. They're easy to find. You can buy a quality pair of darkwash Levi’s in just about any old size - I recommend the "Rinse" or "Clean Fume" look. You can pull of light blue jeans, of course...but it's safer to stick with dark if you're reading this guide. Chinos are what a lot of men grow up calling "khakis." Khaki is a typical chino color, but you can buy them in just about any color. Avoid pleated chinos. Ryan Gosling "Crazy. Stupid. Love" says "you're better than the Gap" but you can find a lot of nice ones there. Also, check out how they dress their models--a lot of online shops can also serve as outfit inspiration.

Shoes

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Talk about a post in and of itself. There are different shoes (and boots) for all seasons. Let's handle three basic "temperatures," if you will: beach, city, and snowy countryside. 

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Boat shoes are a casual option just about anywhere. Zappos has tons of selections - fact, Zappos is great for all things shoes. Brown tends to be the most versatile, but blue is good too. If you don't want boat shoes, the casual option tends to be low-top canvas sneakers. Chukka boots like Clark’s beeswax or brown or tan are about as versatile as anything you could put under your jeans and chinos. Suede bucks are a great alternative that serve essentially the same purpose. Winter boots can be anything from Bean Boots to Red Wings. Chippewa is another nice brand.

Note on shoes: unless you're wearing pants, you should either wear no-show socks or go sockless. Shoes, shorts, and showing socks are considered a big no-no. Notes and Resources       

MaleFashionAdvice Wiki and Guides Quick and easy color combinations AK's Guide to Suits How to roll sleeves Men's jacket options Effortless Gent's Color Combination Guide What Clothing Care Symbols Mean

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Is this a final, comprehensive guide? No. You can get far down the rabbit hole when it comes to men's style. It's just a basic introduction for having the right items in your wardrobe that allow you to up your casual dressing game from "schlub" to "sharp."

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Chapter Six: Hobbies and Social Interests “All of this sounds great,” you might be thinking. “But I’m a shut-in. Where the hell am I supposed to meet all of these people?” That’s where adding hobbies and social interests to your repertoire comes in.

Easy Social Hobbies These are the hobbies where you can easily go alone and have an excuse for being there, like "I just wanted to learn XYZ..." In these cases, you'll likely be paired up with partners or expected to interact, which makes it easier to break out of your shell. In some cases, (like Toastmaster), part of the class IS to break out of your shell. 

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Dancing: salsa, ballroom, hip-hop, etc. Salsa lessons. Ballroom dancing. You go to these classes, and you'll be expected to not only meet, but get comfortable touching other people. Ideal for someone who needs to break out of their shell...and when you show a woman you can dance, it makes life a whole heck of a lot easier. Toastmaster/Improv. You'll meet new people and subject yourself to social pressure, which will help build confidence in your ability to speak with other people listening. Volunteering. Nothing like being generous to improve your self-confidence and give you a reason to get out of the house.

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Plus, you meet other people who are volunteering, which means many of the interactions will be with cool, generous people. If you're low on cash, volunteering is free. Cooking classes. Yoga classes. Spin classes. Bartending classes. Language classes. Meditation classes. Boating/sailing lessons. Any classes. You get it by now. Classes are awesome. Got something you want to learn? Learn it with other people. Astronomy events. An observatory near me regularly hosts astronomy nights, making their telescopes accessible to the public. Soccer. Hockey. Basketball league. Rugby. Volleyball/beach volleyball. MMA. Surfing / wakeboarding. Knife throwing. Don't hit anybody. Snorkeling. May require access to an area like the Gulf of Mexico. Any sports.

Hobbies that Require More Initiative to Start

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex These are great hobbies for meeting people, but they're not quite as "set up" for you to make it all on your own. There are rarely teachers here to show you the way, pair you off with a partner, etc. But that doesn't make them any less rewarding. 

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Stand-up comedy. For confidence building, and the truly brave. Karaoke. The ancient art. DJing. DJing is great because you'll inevitably meet people...the said, it's hard to break into, as well, which means you'll have to be somewhat good at networking and introducing yourself before you start to book venues. Photography. Pub quizzes. Don't be afraid to bring a small team to the game. Concerts/festivals. Gotta bring friends and make an effort to meet people, though common interests are usually assumed at these things and it's not so hard to approach new people.

One-off Events A quick tip for one-off events: find the person in charge and say "you know, I'm kind of bored, so I'm at your disposal if you need any help." Suddenly you're in charge of getting chairs or something, and you have something to do and don't feel so awkward for being there by yourself. 

Poetry/book readings. Add some culture to your life--and some opportunities to meet new people. Common interests are already assumed.

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Wine tastings. Tough mudder / Spartan race / athletic events. Trade shows and conventions. People are already looking to network here. Charity events. Singles cruises. Hey, why not?

Hobbies to Avoid/Minimize Only 24 hours in a day. Adding new hobbies to your life is going to mean having to decrease how much time you spend with some of the old ones.   

TV. Video games. Porn.

Resources for Finding Social Hobbies  

Meetup.com - Especially effective when you live in a city Toastmasters International

Extreme Hobbies In the Thomas Crown Affair, there's a particular scene where they cut to what Pierce Brosnan's character and we get to see what he does with his free time: Extreme sailing.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Of course. What else would one of the suavest dudes on earth be doing with his free time? He's certainly not doing his laundry. If someone is wondering what you're up to, and life's director were to "cut to you," what would we find? A man sitting on his computer reading Reddit to all hours of the night... ...or someone doing something interesting? These are the kinds of events that make people say, "I wish I could do that!" The funny part? Basically everybody can. All it takes is a little initiative. Why Exciting Hobbies? You’re not an exciting man until you lead an exciting life. And the most direct road between you and excitement is a new hobby. Although the most obvious benefit to an exciting hobby is fun, there are tons of ancillary benefits to becoming more exciting: 

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You only live twice. Once when you are born and once when you look death in the face. -Ian Fleming

You get to face your fears on a regular basis You get outdoors and usually get exercise It turns the volume on your ordinary life just a little bit lower, giving you proper perspective and helping you to build a better frame

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Every once in a while, you might share your adventures on social media...and suddenly the Shallow Hal kicks in, women assume the best about you, and you're basically Thomas Crowne's long lost little brother

This is an eBook, after all, about bringing a woman into your reality - not finding a way to sneak into her metaphorical party. If you're going to bring people into your lifestyle, you're going to make it a lifestyle worth living. Some of these hobbies, true, will be more expensive than some. But if you kick the idea around a little bit, you can likely find one that works for you without requiring a huge investment. Caveat: Part of the fun here is that there actually is danger involved. So learn everything properly, take lessons when applicable, follow the local laws, and proceed at your own risk. If you don't have the stomach for a lot of risk, you might start with something simple, like indoor rock climbing. 

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Hang gliding. There's something special about being capable of dragging a hang glider up to where you want, taking off, and soaring above the earth...all by yourself. Better yet, get a tandem glider and make each second date the most memorable she's ever had. Paragliding. Much like hang gliding, but with a parachute instead. A great date idea if you want to have some excitement, as you can do tandem paragliding with an expert...or you can get into the sport yourself.

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Skiing/snowboarding. If you live in a cold-weather area, you might have no other choice unless you want to stop doing exciting things for half the year. Snowmobiling is another possibility. Rock climbing. Most metropolitan areas will have rock climbing studios you can investigate if you want to get started in a safe place; work your way up the ladder and learn it properly. Flying/pilot lessons. You don't have to buy a plane to experience flight itself. In fact, any kind of lessons are a great "shortcut" into the kind of lifestyle most men only dream of...without actually owning the thing itself. Auto racing lessons are very much in the same vein. Motocross. Honestly, I have no idea how to get into this, but anything that requires wearing a helmet generally qualifies under "extreme" hobbies. BMX is an alternative for you cyclists. Kitesurfing and windsurfing. Great for upper body exercise and enjoying the water - I'm always on the lookout for "two birds with one stone" hobbies. Boat racing. Admittedly, there's a high barrier to entry here. I didn't say all of these were easy to get into. Sailing. Sailing lessons are a good way to get into it, as buying yourself a boat won't be easy. Whitewater kayaking. Not for the faint of heart; the possibility of drowning is real. Great for upper body strength. Parkour. Not my thing, but it's great exercise, you learn a new skill, and you're doing something exciting.

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Ice climbing. I can't even believe people do this, but it's another extreme sport that people indulge in. Cave diving. Bungee jumping. Base jumping. Sky diving. Another opportunity is wingsuit sky diving, which basically feels like you're flying.

Getting Started You don't want to go from zero to sixty overnight, obviously. Maybe browse this list, pick out something right for you, and then start the following process:  

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Look for guides online you can buy. Post on online forums dedicated to these subjects if you have any remaining questions Look up local regulations and local meet-up spots or schools where you can find more information Schedule an introductory class and see if it's right for you

It's not nearly as difficult to get started with a more interesting life once you see that all you have to do is visit a website, make a call, and meet an expert. In the Internet age, you have no excuse not to do it if you want to take up a sport like this. Once again: do it at your own risk, and have fun. And maybe post a picture or two to Facebook and Instagram.

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Chapter Seven: Your Pad, Your Car, Your Stuff The Pocket Guide to Interior Design Aside from your clothes, there is perhaps no better outward expression of how you view yourself than the environment in which you live. And if your goal is to be suave enough to hold parties, have friends, meet beautiful women, and the like, you're going to need a place to host them. But not just any place. Your place should say the following things about you:   

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You live cleanly You have taste You take pride in where you live (even if it's a studio apartment) You look like you have people over a lot

That's about it. From there, there's some wiggle room for you to express a little individuality. But before you think about that, it's time that you mastered the basics. And that begins with eliminating the most common mistakes men make when they decorate for themselves. Most Common Interior Decorating Mistakes 

Frat guy style. Unframed posters (especially of bikini-clad babes), bottles as decoration, framed posters of novelty items 208

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like "types of beer," cheesy lighting "porn room" lighting, mattresses without bed frames, emphasis on toys rather than furnishings, big giant novelty items like restored Coke machines and dart boards - you get the idea. Too nerdy. A touch of nerd is just fine, but displaying your full nerd bounty like Steve Carell in "The 40 Year Old Virgin" is a step or two too far. I keep a few items to show off the stuff I'm passionate about, but they're certainly not the emphasis. Too spartan. Simple is great; Spartan will make a woman wonder if you're some kind of squatter. It only takes a couple of items to fill up a room more than this. Nothing resembling a color theme. There are a lot of colors here but they don't actively clash with each other. Generally, you'll already have a wall color and a few items of furniture; you'll want to base the rest of your purchases off of that. Ideally, you have the money to tackle it all, but let's be realistic: sometimes, you can only work within your current budget.

Steps to Overhauling Your Interior Design 

Step One: Blueprints. There's an old saying in show business: if it ain't on the page, it ain't on the stage. Most guys will haphazardly throw together any old furniture and possessions when they move in without any real thought. You're not most men. Do a quick sketch of the room and start drawing up blueprints. Where might the couch go? Where do you see some extra space that a nightstand might fill? What could you put up on the walls to fill out the empty 209

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space? And look at the room's color. What matches and complements the walls and carpet? Settle on a basic palette before you even start decorating - for simplicity, stick with three colors. Biege, brown, and gold. White, black, and blue. Hold up a few color palettes to the room itself and try to see which works best. Step Two: Furnishing. A room's furnishing define its roles. Check out this album from /r/malelivingspaces - do you see how the design is mostly about the placement and selection of the couch, carpet, TV stand? See how much this living room works because of the right couch selection? A bright purple suede couch, not so much. No matter what else you put in the room, it won't work if you don't have the right furnishings. If you have space to fill, do it with furniture first. Couches, chairs, tables, coffee tables, desks, end tables, etc. Don't start adding in plants, frames, and the like until you have the furnishings down pat. Step Three: Lighting. For this room, most of the lighting is taken care of by natural light. This room doesn't have quite the same thing, and requires assistance. The most important thing is to make lighting mostly subtle; it should take up a bare minimum of space. In fact, this guy's night mode includes lighting that you can't even see - you just see it reflected off the wall. Also, don't go for novelty lighting. Thin, minimalistic, and tasteful tends to work well with male living spaces. Step Four: Ornament. Plants, frames, and objects like globes, clocks, and speakers. Now you're filling out a well-designed room to make it not only practical, but to make it actually

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex look "lived in." And you'd be amazed at how one object can go a long way. This looks minimalistic, for example, but consider how bare the bed frame would look without that contrasting lamp. Here, you want to fill in any "negative" space with contrasting objects that brighten a room out. Here is where you can break out of the color palette a little bit and have a little fun - just not Steve Carell in "40 Year Old Virgin" fun. That sounds all well and good, but you're a broke 20-something who can't go out and furnish an apartment, let alone buy a poster frame worth more than $50. Or maybe you do have the money, and you don't know what to buy. Here are some dependable resources for filling up your place. Places to Buy Furniture and Furnishings 

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IKEA. It's hard to go wrong with IKEA, but they have a few disadvantages: they can be pricey, and they don't ship to you (edit: they do offer delivery!), so you have to go to a store. Still, they seem to do everything right with simple tastefulness, from simple TV stands to no-nonsense coffee tables. If you have the good fortune of a nearby IKEA outlet and enough cash, you should be able to find most of what you're looking for in a trip or two. JCPenney. Heck yeah I'm telling you to check out J.C. Penney! Their prices are good, they offer just about everything, and you can shop their clearance rack if you're on a budget.

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Unison Home. Free shipping for orders over $150, which is easy to do when you're shopping for furnishings. Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Click over to "Home Decor" and you'll see just about anything you could need, including full bedroom sets if you don't like making all of those decisions yourself. Bed, Bath, and Beyond is basically a total furnishing store, so always check to see if they have something you like. If all else fails: Target, Wal-Mart, Craigslist, and the like. Yes, the stuff is cheaper, but if you're a shrewd shopper who knows how to pick out a good item that fits your color palette, who's going to know? This guy at MaleLivingSpace put this together only using Craigslist purchases. If you're resourceful and put in the effort to research, you can overhaul a place without a huge budget.

Favorite Accents and Resources 

Zoom Interiors - Haven't used them, but they have an interesting concept: you take a survey, do a video chat/phone conference with them, and they recommend an affordable redesign of your place. Like having an online interior designer.

Sheets and Linens  

Area Linen Shop is baller, but pricey. JCPenney is a nice, affordable alternative.

Plants

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Urban Garden. WindowFarms. I like not having to do a lot of work to buy plants myself, so this is an easy solution.

Lighting Most of the furnishing stores you find will also offering lighting, but here are some special resources to spruce up the place: 

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Phillips Hue lets you do just about anything with regular lightbulbs, from setting lightbulb alarms to normal lighting to sexy party lighting. Lightpack. LED strips. LED strips with a basic remote control put behind a TV can be great for night lighting, under a bar, etc. Just don't overdo it, and certainly don't make the LED strips visible.

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Society6 clocks. It's going to be tough to find one that doesn't fit, and doesn't make your interior design pop. Some are obnoxious, yes, but some of them can be really cool in the right setting. Alarm clocks - I like basic ones like this. I like to buy cheap matching travel posters and have them custom-framed at a local frame / arts store. It sounds like a hassle, but when you're working with $4 posters, the cost is entirely justified...and ends up being less expensive than what you find online. Plus, with the frame, the purchase looks more expensive than it actually was. And yes, I have 213

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/r/malelivingspace Apartment Therapy IKEA Hackers

Cool Stuff for Your Living Space Basics 

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Amazon Subscribe and Save - Save yourself an errand and automate your regular purchases: food, kitchen items, toiletries, etc. Bedsheets and linens and actual other adult possessions Cheaper bedsheets and linens actual other adult possessions - JCPenny Cheapo Walmart bed frame - Walmart Cool clocks - Society 6 Rugs/throws - Society 6 Goulet pens or JetPens - cool pens / notebooks Basic party supplies. Cocktail napkins. Stirring straws. A stack of bar towels. Simple, minimalistic alarm clocks MoMA Perpetual Calendar - A modern take on the calendar, never buy another

Lighting

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Lightpack: When you're watching TV in the dark, ambient backlighting that mimics what you're watching Phillips Hue: Hit a button and your lightbulbs change colors, dim, etc. Combine with Ambify to make lights match your music, or even have your lights alert you when you have a notification. Awesome for parties. Observe what you can do with Phillips. Lifx is another option here. Illumibowl: Motion-activated light for your toilet so you don't crash around at night.

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Windowfarms: Instant plants near your window Urban Garden - Great way to have plants in an apartment Urbio - a cool vertical stacking system for plants and other things U-socket USB plug or WeMo surge protector with same features. Here's a great cheap surge protector with USB ports as well. WeMo Switch: Turn your plugged-in stuff on or off remotely Sonos Home Audio ivee voice-activated clock

Advanced 

Secret Passageway Switch. Like in the movies.

Toiletries + Bathroom  

Merkur Safety Razor Grab Kleenex out of a ball

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Toilet light--find your toilet in the dark Luxe Bidet Neo 120 - A bidet is convenient and adds a nice touch.

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Rolo Travel Bag - interesting travel bag that you can easily hang in a closet Roller - Same idea as above, but a full luggage bag that turns into a mobile dresser

Cool online shops / resources     

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Koostik.com - Wooden mobile phone accessories CharlesAndMarie.com - All sorts of interior design stuff CKIE - Random gadgets and gimmicks The Wirecutter - Home gadget guide Belkin - lots of home automation gadgets like motion sensors and outlet mods TouchOfModern.com True Utility - for every-day carrying items

Stuff that handles problems for you  

https://ifttt.com/ https://plex.tv/

Other Lists and Guides  

"Stuff to put on your walls" - /r/malelivingspace Sidebar - /r/designmyroom

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Prep Your Pad for “Drinks at Your Place” At some point in your journey to becoming a suave and complete person, you're going to have a woman (or a man, as the case may be) over to your place. Be ready when this happens. There's a lot you can do to make the transition from "make yourself comfortable. Want something to drink?" to full-on makeout session easy. A lot of it is making your guest feel comfortable just by how your place looks, and another is setting the mood. Master the Basics First I went digging for tips on this relevant AskReddit thread and found a few themes. This is the stuff to always have ready at a moment's notice. 

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Cleanliness. This is one of those boring-but-necessary tips.I recommend setting a Google Calendar reminder to do clean bi-weekly, including dusting. The more often you do it, the less time it takes, and you can easily listen to a useful podcast or relax with a TV show while you're doing it. Most important room to clean: the bathroom. Smell. Pay close attention to this. Invest in a single scented candle that you can put on your coffee table and light earlier in the day just to mask anything you might have missed. These candles are cheap; buy them at Target or Walmart for

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a few bucks. If you're afraid of getting something too "feminine," Yankee Candle has tons of male-friendly scents. Just don't get anything too obnoxious like bacon smell. Pictures of family and friends. But not too many. One or two around the house or on the fridge will work. Also, not pictures of yourself unless there are friends in the pictures. If you put up too many pictures of yourself in important places, you come off as self-absorbed. Don't make the presence of other women obvious. Some people will recommend that an ultimate bachelor pad will keep tampons handy, and some inexperienced guys think having some panties around makes it look like you get laid a lot. All it does is make women feel territorial. Fancy toilet paper. There's nothing more depressing than paper-thin TP. If you were a millionaire living in a mansion, having thin TP will make you feel like you're still in the hood. No matter how frugal you are, I still say this is the first place to splurge. Keep plants. What do plants say about you? That you're a competent enough adult to take care of something and keep it alive. Always a good message to send....even while your plants secretly water themselves and no one is any the wiser!

The Living Room Okay, you have a competent living space. But we want to be a cut above competent. Not over the top, but thoughtful. Here's some of the best "bang for the buck" stuff to have ready:

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A playlist. I'm currently building a playlist for you ("Drinks at My Place" ), but feel free to suggest songs or even rip mine off and create your own. Keep snacks handy. Want a secret? Water crackers. I don't know what it is about water crackers. They're ridiculously cheap but something about them says "dinner party." Keep them in your pantry and bust them out with some fancy cheese or a dip of your choice - hummus is always popular. Champagne bucket. You can get one for like nine bucks at a restaurant supply store. Ice is free. You wouldn't believe how much having a champagne bucket on the counter will change your parties and get-togethers. No one even cares how cheap the champagne is when you own a champagne bucket. Who owns a champagne bucket? No one you know, that's who. Be the first. Curate your reading material. Go to a local book store and buy up some magazines that feature your interests: snowboarding, astronomy, whatever. Keep them tactfully on the coffee table. They'll make some great reading material when you're alone and waiting for Netflix to buffer and they'll help you show off a different side of yourself. Don't forget the opposite, either: getting rid of anything too childish or "frat boy" ish. Keep the reading material about things you actively do; no one is impressed that you own Marcus Aurelius' Meditations. Wine. Have a bottle of wine ready, along with wine glasses. Offer it every time; if you're declined, no biggie. Do you have your conversation piece coasters out already? Good.

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Comfortable blanket. Having a comfortable blanket on the couch humanizes the room and makes it feel more like "home" than "someone else's place." The cheapest option: fleece. But women do love furry. And you can make this a little bit of an eye-popper if you like, like this "Quotes" blanket Giant pillow. Don't ask me why this is magic, just put it on your couch and wait for her to find it. Maybe nothing happens, maybe it's her favorite thing ever. You can't force it; the pillow must choose her.

The Bathroom It's completely clean, right? Did I mention how important cleanliness is? I clean my bathroom weekly so none of the nonsense gets a chance to build up; it takes fifteen minutes to a half an hour and you can listen to podcasts as you go.  Bidet. The Luxe Bidet, as recommended in the "Cool stuff" section. Not only do women like it, but it shows you have clean balls.  Get a hand soap dispenser. You can buy a plastic one for cheap, or you can get bulk hand soap for cheap and make it look fancy with a dispenser of some sort. I like the cheapness of this foaming one.  Great toilet paper. Find the thickest, lushest, fanciest money can buy. This isn't only for guests; this is for you. Also buy a toilet paper holder (your choice) in case the toilet paper gets low. 220

The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex  Bath mat. One by the bath, one in front of the sink. A bare bathroom floor is depressing. They're cheap, too  Hand towels. Don't have stanky old white hand towels. White shows stains easily. Here are some nice ones from Amazon. And yes women are judging you for your hand towels. Here are some fancier ones from Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

Bedroom 

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Most of it just having a clean, adult, tasteful bedroom. More on that in a bit. Condoms. Be a big boy and provide your own. Keep them somewhere reasonable and discrete, like in a shelf in the night stand. Towels. A warm towel afterwards feels great, and it's considerate.

More on this in a minute.

Places to Shop:  TotalWine.com - includes everything from fancy cheap club soda to novelty wine holders.  PartyCity.com - Discount party supplies. Cheap things that no one ever thinks to order online.  WebRestaurantStore.com - all the stuff no one ever thinks to buy.

Optimize Your Bedroom

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex If eyes are the window to the soul, then your bedroom is the eyes of your apartment. It's where you spend some of your most intimidate and vulnerable moments; it needs to be a comfortable, relaxing place. It also should be a place you look forward to retiring at the end of each day, not to mention an invigorating place that will have you recharged and happy in the morning. The Bed Itself: Sleep Like an Adult You spend a third of your life in our bed; might as well optimize it. If there was ever a piece of furniture to put money in, it's your bed. 

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Mattress: You have a lot of options here. You could give Tuft and Needle a shot. Bottom line: you want your mattress to be as comfortable as possible. Not only will you spend 1/3d of your life on it, but it should be a place your significant other enjoys just as much. Sheets, covers, and pillow cases: Consider J.C. Penny (low price), and LL Bean (medium price), and Area Home (high price). If you can, make sure to get a complete sheet/cover/pillowcase combo set so that you're done with bed designing as soon as you click "order." Bed frames: I'm a fan of low and simple platform-bed myself, but it's not the only option. Just about anything will work provided it's simple and includes a headboard; there's something about a headboard that separates "fancy place to sleep" from "college kid's first apartment." Avoid frilly options like bed skirts and just keep it a normal, well-put together, comfortable bed.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Something as simple as pillow cases that match your bed sheets go a long way in making your bedroom look like an actual adult lives there. Buy Nightstand, Stock Nightstand Even if you do nothing in your bed but sleep, you're going to need some devices handy to help you make your bedroom more efficient: you'll want an alarm clock to wake you up, a handy way to charge your electronics, etc. Invest in a nightstand. If you have any plan on making your nightly and morning rituals become habits, you'll need it. Then, stock it with the following: 

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An alarm clock. You can go minimalist with this one because it's simple and kind of old-fashioned, or you can optimize and get an alarm clock that also tells you the weather, like this one. A nightlamp. For reading and for easily turning out the lights at the end of the day. It doesn't have to be anything too fancy; something simple like this one from IKEA will work. Wireless bluetooth speakers. Here's one from Bose. For setting the mood, waking up with energy, etc. Smart phone dock. Admit it, you bring your phone with you everywhere. Might as well have an easy time and place to charge it. You might have a universal one that guests can use too. Prophylactics. Don't keep condoms out in the open, though, guys.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Optional:  

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A scented candle. For pleasant aromas. A pen and a pad. For jotting down inevitable flashes of inspiration. Flashlight. For emergency navigation if the power's out. Weapon. For defending yourself against home invaders. Even a simple baseball bat in the closet is better than nothing. Coasters. You WILL eventually bring a glass of water next to your bed; it's inevitable. I like these coasters because they have character.

Lighting and Remotes The goal: handle everything like a much, much milder version of Austin Powers - mood lighting at the touch of a button, without getting up. 

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Phillips Hue starter pack: replace your bedroom lights with these and start programming your lights from your smart phone. Don't go overboard with the porn lighting; Hue is great because it lets you dial it down a notch while still setting a mood. IFTTT connected with Hue gives you options like changing the lighting to blue when it's raining or automatically turning on your bedroom lights at a certain time to help wake you up.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex Don't Leave Your Walls Empty Empty walls make you look like a refugee. Don't look like a refugee. 

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WindowFarms and Urban Garden are great for adding a dash of life to your bedroom via plants. It's good to have some plants nearby for both air freshness and to show that you're capable of keeping something else alive. Put something on the wall that's not a half-naked chick. Vintage TWA posters are neat and add a lot of life to your room. The key here: show a little taste. And always, always, always frame your posters before hanging them up. PlanetQuest from NASA also has vintage-style travel posters for you space nerds. Before I forget: include some photos of family and friends. A digital frame works great for that. Again, we want to be the opposite of the political refugee look.

Extra Touches If you want to go a step above and beyond - and this is the sub for doing just that - then here are a few suggestions: 

If you must keep a guitar, try not to make it so on the ground and obvious: a minimalist guitar hanger isn't a bad idea, because it helps the guitar become part of the decor when it's not in use.

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Keep extra blankets handy. Women are universally cold; take pity upon them. Bonus points if you can find a comfortable wool blanket.

What NOT to have in your bedroom:      

Lava lamps. Exotic animals/aquariums. Incense. Condoms strewn about. Posters of half-naked women. Sports posters

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Conclusion I’m not saying it will be easy. A lot of the advice in this eBook is indeed aimed at giving you the quickest path to success by focusing on fundamentals like inner confidence, making new friends, becoming a host, and attracting people into your life naturally—with minimal lines and techniques. But none of that is going to work if you don’t put the lessons you read here into action. My recommendation: take it one step at a time, one chapter at a time, one section at a time. Start with the inner confidence first. Commit to a 21-day habit of affirmations and visualizations—and write down your results in a journal. You might just be surprised to see how much your life can change in as little as three weeks. After those 21 days, add another step to your journey: go outside and make eye contact with someone new. If that’s too easy for you, go outside and say hello to someone new. Break it down by week. Every week should be different. One week, you’re focused just on getting the house. The next, maybe it’s saying hello to someone new every day. Then, several weeks go by, and suddenly you find yourself signing up for a class, or hosting your first party, or going on your first (or fifth) date.

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The Suave Social Life: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence, Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex The key? Consistency. One of the most powerful techniques you can use to continue your upward mobility is to make a goal of taking some action— and doing it every single day. Comedian Jerry Seinfeld is famous for saying this was his big productivity secret that gave him momentum. Use chains.cc to track your progress. Set a new daily goal every week, and just focus on checking that off. Or, if you’re really motivated, tackle more than one thing at a time. There are two keys to success: both thought and action. Your actions won’t last long if you don’t have the confidence to believe you’ll eventually be successful. And your thoughts won’t change anything if your actions aren’t in line with your new ideals. The information here is a good head start. But the difference that will make the difference in your life is simple: it’s you. Now go start building that suave social life.

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