Soho Cinders Libretto Vocal Book Jw June 2015 - Perusal

February 24, 2017 | Author: Dan Smith ッ | Category: N/A
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SOHO CINDERS

an urban musical fable Music by Lyrics by Book by

GEORGE STILES

ANTHONY DREWE

ANTHONY DREWE and ELLIOT DAVIS

LIBRETTO / VOCAL BOOK

Josef Weinberger

SOHO CINDERS © Copyright 2015 by George Stiles, Anthony Drewe and Elliot Davis Edition © Copyright 2015 by Josef Weinberger Ltd., London All Rights Reserved PHOTOCOPYING THIS COPYRIGHT MATERIAL IS ILLEGAL

Applications to perform this work must be made, BEFORE REHEARSALS COMMENCE, to: JOSEF WEINBERGER LIMITED 12 - 14 Mortimer Street London W1T 3JJ United Kingdom Tel: +44 (0)20 7580 2827 Fax: +44 (0)20 7436 9616 www.josef-weinberger.com

This edition: June 2015

SOHO CINDERS Cast NARRATOR

ROBBIE – A young man VELCRO – a young single mum, Robbie's best friend LORD BELLINGHAM – An industrial tycoon CLODAGH / DANA – Robbie's ugly stepsisters JAMES PRINCE – A London Mayoral candidate MARILYN PLATT – James' fiancée WILLIAM GEORGE – James' tyrannical campaign manager SASHA – William's assistant SIDESADDLE – Westminster bike hire manager, Robbie and Velcro's friend

ENSEMBLE Photographers, Crowd, Launderette Customers, Party Guests, Members of the Press, etc.

Musical Numbers

ACT ONE

1.

Old Compton Street (Velcro, Robbie, Clodagh & Dana, Ensemble)

2.

Wishing For The Normal (Velcro, Robbie)

2a.

Wishing For The Normal – Scene Change (Instrumental)

3.

Spin (James, William, Sasha, Ensemble)

4.

Gypsies Of The Ether (Robbie, James)

4a.

Gypsies Of The Ether – Tag (James, Robbie)

5.

I'm So Over Men (Dana, Clodagh)

5a.

I'm So Over Men – Reprise (Dana, Clodagh)

6.

Remember Us (Marilyn, James)

6a.

Old Compton Street – Reprise (Lord Bellingham)

7.

It's Hard To Tell (Velcro, Robbie, Ensemble)

7a.

It's Hard To Tell – Fade (Instrumental)

8.

You Shall Go To The Ball (Velcro, Sidesaddle, Dana, Clodagh,



Lord Bellingham, Robbie, Marilyn, William, James, Ensemble)

ACT TWO

9.

Entr'acte (Ensemble)

10.

Who's That Boy? (Ensemble, William, Clodagh, Dana, Marilyn)

11.

Glass Slippers (Robbie)

11a. Spin – Reprise (Marilyn) 11b.

Underscore into The Tail That Wags (Instrumental)

12.

The Tail That Wags The Dog (William, Sasha, Ensemble)

13.

Let Him Go (Velcro, Marilyn)

13a. Wishing For The Normal – Reprise (Velcro) 13b. Remember Us – Reprise (James, Marilyn) 14.

Fifteen Minutes (Clodagh, Dana, Ensemble)

15.

Finale (Marilyn, Robbie, James, Velcro)

16.

Bows (Company)

17.

Playout (Instrumental)

Soho Cinders

1

SOHO CINDERS ACT ONE SCENE ONE – Old Compton Street A soundscape of London noises – taxis, buses, crowds. Musical intro to ’Old Compton Street’ starts. The sound of our Narrator’s voice is heard for the first time. Narrator

Old Compton Street, Soho. That promiscuous potpourri. That metropolitan munificence. That glittering back passage. It’s 7pm on a fairly ordinary Spring evening. Theatregoers rub shoulders with prostitutes. Local businessman, on their way home, are having one last drink as they collide with a younger crowd arriving for their first.



(The Company start to assemble.)



Velcro, a young single mum, is making her way back to the launderette where she works.

Music No. 1 – OLD COMPTON STREET Velcro JOIN THE PARTY ON OLD COMPTON STREET FEEL THE PAVEMENT THROB BENEATH YOUR FEET TAKE A SEAT, WATCH THE SHOW NOTHING’S NORMAL ON OLD COMPTON STREET DRESS INFORMAL AS YOU JUMP ABOARD, STEP INSIDE URGES WILL BE SATISFIED HERE WHERE LIFE IS SWEET OLD COMPTON STREET Ensemble Solo Girl LIFE’S A CIRCUS ON OLD COMPTON STREET PUNKS AND ROCKERS AND THE RICH ELITE DRINK AND EAT, SIDE BY SIDE

Act One

2

Two Girls & One Boy FUN’S CONTAGIOUS ON OLD COMPTON STREET IT’S OUTRAGEOUS THERE ARE BOYS FOR BOYS BOYS FOR GIRLS BOYS FOR OLD MEN WEARING PEARLS All Ensemble NO-ONE’S OBSOLETE OLD COMPTON STREET Narrator

(Out front.) Elsewhere, Velcro’s best friend, Robbie, emerges from the doorway of a posh restaurant.

Robbie

That was lovely.

Lord Bellingham Are you sure you won’t come for a drink? Robbie

Sorry, I’ve got to get to work.

Lord Bellingham People’s washing can wait. Robbie

Yeah, but my rent won’t.

Lord Bellingham Let me help you out. (He produces a wad of banknotes from his pocket.) Robbie

George, please – you just bought me dinner.

Lord Bellingham It gives me pleasure. Will you allow me that? Robbie (Reluctantly.) Thank you. Lord Bellingham So, when will I see you? Robbie

You’ve got my number. Just call.



(Lord Bellingham kisses Robbie on the cheek. Robbie make his way towards the launderette.)

Lord Bellingham (Under his breath.) Oh, Robbie.

Soho Cinders

Robbie (with Ensemble hums) WITHIN THIS MELTING POT SOME HAVE AND SOME HAVE NOT A PIZZA BASE YOU STUMBLE UPON WITH EVERYTHING ON All EVERY FLAVOUR Robbie & Ensemble TRY A SLICE OF LIFE OLD COMPTON STREET SEE THE FLIES THAT SWARM AROUND THE MEAT TRICK OR TREAT All WHO CAN SAY? Narrator

In the flat above the launderette, Dana and Clodagh appear in a window. They are sisters. They are ugly . . .

(Clodagh and Dana start throwing Robbie’s possessions out of the window.) Robbie

Hey, hey . . . what are you doing?

Clodagh Heads! (She drops a cardboard box.) Robbie

That’s my stuff.



(Robbie starts searching in the box.)

Dana

We’ve changed the locks. You’re evicted.

Robbie

But it’s my flat. Where’s Mum?

Dana

Just on her way down.



(Dana produces an urn containing Robbie’s mother’s ashes.)

3

Act One

4

Dana Heads! Robbie

Don’t you dare! Lucky me having stepsisters like you. Twins. Not identical but equally unpleasant. You can’t do this?

Clodagh

We just have. And we’re getting it fumigated. We don’t want to catch gay.

Dana

And that’s not all. When Dad gets out of prison he wants the launderette back too.

Clodagh

But until then you’ve got to keep paying.

Dana

Ooh, what was that?

Clodagh What? Dana

I just felt the rent creeping up.

Robbie

But the launderette was Mum’s.

Clodagh

Yes it was. But it’s not anymore is it? (To the urn.) Because silly Mummy didn’t leave a will, or had you forgotten?

Dana

He’d forget his balls if they weren’t in a bag. Heads!

(She drops the urn into Robbie’s outstretched hands.) Clodagh & Dana PICK YOUR POISON ON OLD COMPTON STREET GIRLS AND BOYS ON SHOW AND GAY OR STRAIGHT OR STILL UNSURE EVERY TASTE IS CATERED FOR All HERE WHERE ALL WORLDS MEET OLD COMPTON STREET Narrator

There’s a commotion outside The Prince Edward Theatre where Adele Darzeen is starring in “Frozen 5 – the Frigid Fanny.” James Prince, a London Mayoral candidate, and his fiancée Marilyn Platt arrive at the theatre.

Soho Cinders

William

Here they are, right on cue.

Sasha (As Big Issue Seller.) Big Issue. Big Issue. (William, the Mayoral campaign manager approaches the Big Issue Seller and moves her into a doorway.) William

Here might be a better position.

(A Press Photographer squeezes past.) Sasha (As Big Issue Seller.) Big Issue, Big Issue.

(William deliberately steers James towards the Big Issue Seller.)

James

Damn. I haven’t got any change. But here’s a fiver.

(A camera flashes as the Press Photographer gets his picture. James and Marilyn enter the theatre with a parting wave to the crowd.) William

Job done.

Crowd WE LOVE TO SPOT CELEBRITIES AND NOBODY CAN BLAME US THOUGH ALL TOO OFTEN WE FORGET THE REASON WHY THEY’RE FAMOUS BUT ROLLING THE RED CARPET OUT IS BOUND TO CAUSE A BUZZ AND THEN WE STOP AND RUBBERNECK COS EVERYBODY DOES All CATCH THE RHYTHM OF OLD COMPTON STREET WHERE THE BRIGHT YOUNG THINGS TURN UP THE HEAT POUND THE BEAT, NO HOLDS BARRED Robbie (with Ensemble hums) ALL CITIES HAVE THE SAME ONE STREET THAT KNOWS NO SHAME

5

Act One

6

A BRIGHT FACADE WHOSE SURFACE IS THIN BUT HARD AS A NAIL All SCRATCH IT AND SNIFF BUT NEVER INHALE HEADS ARE TURNING ON OLD COMPTON STREET Velcro OLD COMPTON STREET All EARS ARE BURNING WHILE THE ENDLESS STREAM PASSES BY RAINBOW FLAGS ARE FLYING HIGH TRY A SLICE OF LIFE, Sidesaddle / Velcro TRY A SLICE OF LIFE, All EVERY VICE IS RIFE Sidesaddle / Velcro EVERY VICE IS RIFE All HERE WHERE ALL WORLDS MEET OLD COMPTON STREET

SCENE TWO – Inside ’Sit and Spin’ Narrator

Velcro is working in the launderette, ’Sit and Spin’. Surrounded by stacked washing machines and tumble dryers she “multitasks” – folding clothes whilst chatting to her friend, a Westminster bike rental manager known affectionately as "Sidesaddle".



(Velcro holds up a tiny item of child’s clothing.)

Velcro

Ah, that’s so sweet.

Soho Cinders

Sidesaddle

Sweet but expensive. They grow out of them so quick.

Velcro

Seems like only yesterday Becky was this size. Hey, I could bring you in some of her old stuff if you don’t mind handmedowns.

Sidesaddle

Mind? I’d love it. Now how much do I owe you for this lot.

Velcro

That’ll be eight fifty.



(Sidesaddle rummages in her pockets.)

Sidesaddle

Damn, that’s going to wipe me out. I’m gonna need a couple more rides in my rickshaw. (Offers her some coins.)

7

Velcro (Sympathetically.) Oh, Sidesaddle. Sidesaddle

Can I give you the rest later?



(Robbie enters the launderette carrying a large cardboard box.)

Robbie

Don’t worry about it – for you it’s half price.

(Sidesaddle picks up her laundry and kisses Robbie. Robbie dumps the box on the ground, then exits again.) Sidesaddle

Thanks, Rob. I owe you. Have they opened Frith Street yet? They’d shut the road. By the theatre.

Velcro

Oh for that James Prince! That Mayor guy.

Robbie

(Re-entering with a suitcase.) He’s not Mayor yet. D’you know, I used to have a poster of him by my bed, when he was a swimmer?

Sidesaddle

Lovely. Just imagine waking up next to that. I’ll see you later.



(Sidesaddle exits.)

Velcro

Hey what’s all this?

Robbie (Collecting another item from outside.) They’ve kicked me out.

Act One

8

Velcro Who? Robbie

Dumb and dumber. Can I stay with you for a bit?

Velcro

’Course you can. You know how Becky loves you.

Robbie

Just till I get myself sorted.

(He carefully places his mother’s urn on a shelf.)

And that’s not all. They’ve put the rent up on this place.

Velcro

This whole thing with Les makes me sick. It was your Mum’s launderette. It would’ve gone under if it wasn’t for us. Of course she’d have left it to you, but . . .

Robbie

. . . the lawyer said there’s no Will. So it’s my step-father’s. End of.

Velcro

Well they can’t just put the rent up.

Robbie

Who’s to stop them? And when he gets out of the nick he wants the whole place back anyway.

Velcro

Great! So where are we gonna go?

Robbie

Well you could go back to Staines.

Velcro

You ’avin a laugh?

Robbie

There are worse places.

Velcro

I spent half me life trying to get out of Staines, and now here I am in a launderette trying to get stains out.

Robbie

You don’t have to work in Soho.

Velcro

It’s the dirtiest place in the world. The sheets that come in here are so full of bodily fluids I could wring ’em out and start a fertility clinic.

Robbie

Mum knew what she was doing when she opened this place.

Soho Cinders

Velcro

I miss her you know. It was so hard when she didn’t really remember me . . . not at the end.

Robbie

She was an angel. Till Les clipped her wings.

Velcro

Well what we need right now is a fairy godmother.



(Robbie takes the cash Bellingham gave him from his pocket.)



Where’d you get that money from? You still seeing that guy?

Robbie

Yes and no.

9

Velcro Which? Robbie

It’s complicated.

Velcro

He must be loaded. Don’t screw this one up. Has he got a brother? Without the gay gene?

Robbie

Don’t sound so desperate! Mr. Right will come along someday ’Cro. If I was straight I’d go out with you like a shot.

Velcro

If I’d have you. Nah, ain’t gonna happen, fag hag to the West End, that’s me. How hard can it be? I just want to settle down.

Robbie

Ditto. We share the same dream. I just want to wake up beside the same man for the next thirty years.

Music No. 2 – WISHING FOR THE NORMAL Velcro

So do I. Someone to tell me I’m doing alright.

Robbie

Someone to tell me when I’m being a twat.

Velcro

You’re being a twat.

Robbie

Yeah, but not you.

Velcro

I’ve never wanted a lot. Just my own special someone. And a father for Becky.

Act One

10

Velcro JUST IMAGINE POURING YOUR CORNFLAKES LOOKING UP AND SOMEONE’S THERE SOMEONE YOU HAVE JUST SPENT THE NIGHT WITH SOMEONE’S LIFE YOU’RE PROUD TO SHARE HAVEN’T PUT MY FACE ON HAVEN’T DONE MY HAIR HAVEN’T HAD TO WORRY AS IT’S HIM STANDING THERE Robbie JUST IMAGINE OUT ON THE DANCE FLOOR TURNING ROUND AND THERE HE IS IT’S YOUR MAN – THE ONE YOU CAME IN WITH THREE YEARS ON, YOUR HAND IN HIS LIVING IN A SEMI MAYBE HAVE A CAT NOTHING THAT’S TOO FANCY TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT Both WISHING FOR THE NORMAL KIND OF DREAM NOTHING TOO EXCESSIVE OR EXTREME HOPING FOR THE HUMDRUM – IS THAT AIMING HIGH? OTHERS SEEM TO FIND IT TELL ME WHY ON EARTH CAN’T I? WISHING FOR THE NORMAL KIND OF DREAM TROUBLE IS THEY’RE HARDER THAN THEY SEEM AM I TOO AMBITIOUS? AM I OUT OF TOUCH? AM I WISHING FOR TOO MUCH?

(Robbie’s phone rings. His face lights up.)

Velcro

Who is it?

Robbie

It’s him! Hello . . .

Velcro

Ask about the brother.

Soho Cinders

Robbie

Shush! No not you. I’m just at work. Yeah sure. I’d love to. Usual time. By the lions. Alright. Go. Go . . .



(Robbie hangs up.)

Velcro

By the lions! What is he a zoo keeper?

Robbie

’Cro, Leave it.

Velcro

I never knew zookeepers earned that much.

Robbie

You’ll meet him when the time is right.

Velcro

Feeding time?

Robbie

Cro! Leave it!

Velcro

You really like him don’t you?

Robbie

Yes. I really like him. It’s just so hard.

Velcro

Spare me the details!

Robbie

I mean it’s hard to get together. He’s so busy – it’s texts. It’s Skype. Then when I do see him, I just want more . . .

JUST IMAGINE COOKING LASAGNE LIKE THOSE ADVERTS ON TV Velcro SITTING ON OUR FAKE-LEATHER SOFA BABIES BOUNCING ON MY KNEE Robbie LIVING WITHIN REASON LOVING WHEN I CAN FEELING I AM SOMEONE NOT SOME SAD ALSO RAN Velcro JUST IMAGINE MOWING THE LAWN Robbie JUST IMAGINE POPPING SOME CORN

11

12

Act One

Velcro JUST IMAGINE BREAKFAST IN BED Robbie JUST IMAGINE OWNING A SHED Velcro JUST IMAGINE DOING THE SCHOOL RUN Robbie GOING FOR PICNICS Velcro KEEPING A GOLDISH Both WISHING WISHING HOPING FOR THE HUMDRUM – IS THAT AIMING HIGH? OTHERS SEEM TO FIND IT TELL ME WHY OH WHY OH WHY CAN’T I? WISHING FOR THE NORMAL KIND OF DREAM TROUBLE IS THEY’RE HARDER THAN THEY SEEM Velcro GOING TO A NIGHTCLUB CINEMAS AND SUCH Robbie EATING IN NICE RESTAURANTS HAPPY TO GO DUTCH Both AM I TOO AMBITIOUS? AM I OUT OF TOUCH? AM I WISHING FOR TOO MUCH? Robbie JUST IMAGINE CLEANING THE VOLVO Velcro JUST IMAGINE PLANTING A ROSEBUSH

Soho Cinders

13

Robbie JUST IMAGINE HAVING A MORTGAGE Velcro JUST IMAGINE KEEPING A GOLDFISH Robbie

A goldfish?

Velcro

Yeah. I won one once. At a funfair. Throwing ping pong balls in a jam jar.

Robbie

You saddo.

Music No. 2 – WISHING FOR THE NORMAL – SCENE CHANGE

SCENE THREE – James Prince’s campaign headquarters Narrator

The campaign headquarters of James Prince is a hive of activity, and above the madness James’ campaign manager, the tyrannical William George, holds court. William and Sasha are reading a paper.

William

Not a bad piece on page 5 – “The Prince And The Pauper”. I love that Editor – last week I threatened to chop his balls off, this week we’re picking out curtains together in Laura Ashley.



(James and Marilyn enter carrying a copy of the same paper.)

James

Don’t I look a bit smug?



(James then notices Sasha.)



You! The Big Issue seller?

William

Ah, James, meet my new assistant, Tea.

James Tea? Sasha

Hi, it’s Sasha. He calls me Tea . . .

Act One

14

William

Or to give her her full name. Tea, milk and two sugars. Hyphenated.

Marilyn Unbelievable. James (Turning on William.) I thought we agreed . . . William

Look. (Holding up paper.) You. Helping the homeless. Page 5. That’s all the matters.

James (To William.) I’ll have my fiver back! William (To Sasha.) Give it to him, Tea. (James gestures to Sasha to forget it.)

Job description is Campaign Manager. Let me manage. I know what I’m doing.

James

If you say so.

William

I don’t say so, I know so. I don’t think, I do. Page 5 is pretty good for a piece like that. Now we just have to fill in the pages in between – Marilyn, I don’t suppose you’d consider a page 3?

Marilyn

Very funny! As if anyone would be interested in my old carcass.



(Marilyn looks to James expecting him to refute this, but he doesn’t until she prompts him.)



Hey!

James

Well I am.

William

There speaks the politician. Tea. Schedule. Now.

Sasha

William, please. No more. It’s Sasha. You’re on the Good Morning Britain sofa at 9.00am. Then 12 noon London Fire Brigade.

Soho Cinders

15

William

Good. Hang out with heroes makes you look tough. Ooh, and there’ll be a pole. Marilyn – pole dancing opp.

Marilyn

Misogynistic, sexist and insulting. You should have a lie down.

William

Tea, fancy a lie down?

Marilyn

I’m a lawyer. One word. Tribunal.

Sasha

I’m alright.

Marilyn (To James.) I’m due in Chambers. I’ll see you later. William (As Marilyn exits.) Think about what we said. Maybe have a Brazilian.

(Marilyn ignores William and leaves. William calls after her.)



You can’t do Page 3 looking like a privet hedge.

James

William, page 5 is all well and good. But what if someone finds out that the person I was photographed with actually works for us.

William

It’s all publicity.

James

How we run the campaign reflects how we will run City Hall. I don’t want anything to be fake.

William

You’re not doing it. I am. That’s the difference. It’s not my job to keep clean – it’s my job to make sure you are London’s next Mayor.

James

That poster slogan reflects how I want to run London. With honesty.

Music No. 3 – SPIN William

James . . .

James

We’ll talk on the way.

16

Act One

James HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG WITH HONEST? HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG WITH SIMPLE TRUTH PLAIN TALKING – THAT’S WHAT PEOPLE WANT SINCE WHEN DID DECENCY BECOME OLD-FASHIONED HIDDEN BY A SMOKE SCREEN OF CLICHE? I PROMISED THAT I’D PLAY IT STRAIGHT BUZZ WORDS WILL JUST HAVE TO WAIT I INTEND TO WIN THE RACE IN MY OWN WAY William

They all think they can do it on their own.

James HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG WITH HONEST? HOW CAN YOU GIVE WAY TO LIES AND SLEAZE? I ASK YOU – WHAT IS THERE TO GAIN? AND WHO MADE ARROGANCE A JOB REQUIREMENT FOR THE PUBLIC SERVANTS WE ELECT? WHO THINK THAT ONCE IN CITY HALL SOMEHOW THEY’RE ABOVE IT ALL I THINK LONDONERS DESERVE FAR MORE RESPECT William AT THE END OF THE DAY IT’S ALL ABOUT A CROSS IN A BOX YOU MAY BE THE OARSMAN BUT REMEMBER I’M THE COX I’LL STEER YOU TO VICT’RY THROUGH ALL THE BIG DEBATES DOWN STREAM THAT DREAM OFFICE AWAITS Sasha & Office Workers SPIN SPIN OUT OF CONTROL SIGN THE PAPERWORK AND SELL YOUR SOUL SPIN DOCTOR EVERY WORD YOU SAY SPIN UNTIL YOU WIN THE DAY Narrator

With that, and a modicum of tastefully applied make-up for the cameras, James is off to the TV studios for another round

Soho Cinders

17

of gruelling interviews from a variety of forgettable presenters sitting on an array of tasteless sofas which go some way to explain why DFS has a sale on every day of the year. James HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG WITH HONEST? HOW CAN YOU CONDONE TURNING BLIND EYES? I PROMISE MINE WILL LOOK AHEAD AND WHEN WAS AVARICE DECREED AN ART FORM? I’LL ENSURE CORRUPTION IS STAMPED OUT BUT ISSUES LIKE THESE HAVE TO WAIT VOTERS MUST FIRST CHOSE MY FATE BUT AS MAYOR OF LONDON WILL I HAVE THE CLOUT? William AT THE END OF THE DAY IT’S ALL ABOUT A CROSS IN A BOX CREATE OPPORTUNITY, DON’T WAIT UNTIL IT KNOCKS WE’RE BUILDING YOUR PROFILE ENHANCE IT IN THE PRESS GREAT QUOTES EARN VOTES, INSTANT SUCCESS Ensemble SPIN SPIN AT EVERY TURN COMMON DECENCY CAN CRASH AND BURN SPIN KEEP THAT IMAGE CLEAN AND SLICK MAKE SURE THAT THE DIRT CAN’T STICK . . . Narrator

William receives a phone call from one of the main sponsors of the Mayoral campaign, industry tycoon Lord Bellingham.



(William takes a call on his mobile.)

Lord Bellingham William, I’m looking at this guest list. This fundraiser is not just about you squeezing money out of people, it’s about having the right people there who you can squeeze in the future. William

And . . .

Act One

18

Lord Bellingham And you and I may not share the same idea about who is the right sort of person. My money, my office, my guest list. Agreed? William Agreed. Lord Bellingham Last push before the nominations close. The people at this ’do’ could make or break this campaign. William & Ensemble SPIN SPIN OUT OF CONTROL SIGN THE PAPERWORK AND SELL YOUR SOUL SPIN DOCTOR EVERY WORD YOU SAY SPIN UNTIL YOU WIN THE DAY SELL YOUR SOUL, IT’S GONNA PAY SPIN A WEB FOR IN A WEB THE SPIDER WILL ENSNARE HIS PREY William SPIN UNTIL YOU WIN THE DAY Ensemble SPIN, SPIN, SPIN (It’s the end of day, James goes to leave.) William

Oy, it’s not a 9 to 5, where do you think you’re going? Photo shoot.

James

Shit. Alright I’ll be there. Give me a minute.



(William stands there.)



. . . Alone!



(William exits. James takes out his mobile and dials.)



(Into phone.) Hi. It’s me. Look. Really sorry. I’m going to be late. Just text me back to say you’re okay, okay? Ah, too many “okays”. Look just text me.

Soho Cinders

19

SCENE FOUR – Beside a lion’s paw in Trafalgar Square Narrator

It is 9pm. The crowds and the pigeons in Trafalgar Square have begun to disperse. Nelson and his four lions stand proudly, guarding the entrance to the Mall. Robbie is found beside one of the lion’s paws.



(Having just listened to a phone message Robbie starts to write a text.)

Music No. 4 – GYPSIES OF THE ETHER Robbie DOESN’T IT SEEM STRANGE TALKING IN THIS WAY GYPSIES OF THE ETHER TYPING WHAT WE SAY SECRETIVE LIAISONS FLIRTING ON THE SCREEN BUILDING UP A PICTURE IN WHICH NO-ONE CAN BE SEEN BOLD ENOUGH TO SHARE MY INNER THOUGHTS AND WHAT I FEEL SAFELY IN THE KNOWLEDGE I CAN CHOOSE JUST HOW MUCH I REVEAL (We see a crowd of people in the Square. Our attention is drawn to Lord Bellingham as he crosses. He is on the phone.) Robbie YOU ARE MY INTIMATE STRANGER YOU ARE MY FAR AWAY FRIEND TWO SOULS LINKED BY A HIGHWAY AND THE MESSAGES WE SEND

(Robbie slumps dejectedly against a lion’s paw. We hear (but don’t see) another voice start to sing.)

James NOBODY GETS HURT MEETING IN THIS PLACE GYPSIES OF THE ETHER WANDERERS IN SPACE

Act One

20

(As the crowd parts, James Prince is revealed in casual clothes. He is wearing a hoodie with the hood up whilst typing on an iPad . . . ) James KEEPING OURSELVES HIDDEN SAFE BEHIND THE FONT FREE OF INHIBITION WE CAN BE JUST WHO WE WANT MAYBE FOR A MOMENT I BELIEVE THIS FANTASY SOMEONE IN THE ABSTRACT I CREATE BUT IN LIFE I CAN’T BE YOU ARE MY INTIMATE STRANGER YOU ARE MY FAR AWAY FRIEND TWO SOULS LINKED BY A HIGHWAYS AND THE MESSAGES WE SEND (Having now made eye contact with one another, James and Robbie are clearly waiting for the last of the crowd to leave before approaching one another.) Both YOU ARE MY INTIMATE STRANGER YOU ARE MY FAR AWAY FRIEND TWO SOULS LINKED BY A HIGHWAY AND THE MESSAGES AND THE MESSAGES AND THE MESSAGES WE SEND (The underscore crescendos as Robbie runs into James’ arms. They kiss.) Both DOESN’T IT SEEM STRANGE MEETING IN THIS WAY GYPSIES OF THE ETHER James

A week without you seems like forever.

Robbie

Well, a week’s a long time in politics. So, how long do you have?

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21

James Now? Robbie

No, before you die! Of course now.

James

This is just a quick hello.

Robbie

Yeah, yeah. Unbelievable. Anyone would think you were running for Mayor. I just want to . . . squdge you.

James Squdge? Robbie

Wendy does it to Peter Pan.

James

Oh that is gay.

Robbie

I thought you didn’t like that word.

James

I don’t like labels.



(Robbie’s phone rings.)



Don’t answer it.

Robbie

Like you wouldn’t.



(Robbie takes the call.)



Cro, you know I can’t talk now . . . not another one. Okay, I’ll sort it.

(He hangs up.) (To James.) Sorry, it’s a work thing. James

How’s that going?

Robbie

Ugh, not good. Another machine’s gone down. That’s gonna cost.

James

I can always help.

Robbie

I don’t want your money.

Act One

22

James (Slightly taken aback.) Okay, I was just . . . Robbie

Leave it.



(James’ phone rings.)

(Mimicking James.) “Don’t answer it”.

(James gives him a look but answers the phone.)

James

Hello Darling . . . just getting some air . . . oh, okay . . . no, I haven’t eaten . . . sorry, not distracted I was just deep in (Looks at Robbie who mimes a loveheart.) . . . thought. Chinese? . . . I’ll pick it up. Thirty minutes.

Robbie

The Leader of the Opposition. “How’s that going? I can always help . . . ”

Music No. 4a – GYPSIES OF THE ETHER – TAG James

Oh, Robbie. (Beat.) Look, you heard . . .



(James hugs Robbie.)

Robbie (Breaking the hug.) You’ve got to go. James

Couple of days?

Robbie

Couple of days. Go.

James YOU ARE MY INTIMATE STRANGER YOU ARE MY FAR AWAY FRIEND James & Robbie TWO SOULS LINKED BY A HIGHWAY James AND THE MESSAGES Robbie AND THE MESSAGES

Soho Cinders

23

Both AND THE MESSAGES WE SEND

SCENE FIVE – Inside "Glam-Amour" Narrator

Clodagh and Dana are discovered inside Glam-Amour, the strip club they run next door to Robbie’s launderette. Having returned from a night out on what I understand is known as “the lash”, they are removing what I also understand are known as “their lashminas”. In the garish light of day they look particularly unglamorous.

Clodagh

Did you hear that?

Dana What? Clodagh (Referring to the Narrator.) I’m hearing voices. Dana What? Clodagh

Some posh git. Probably queer.

Narrator

But filthy rich and rather well-endowed.

Dana Whatever. Clodagh

Eurgh! I’ve got a tongue like Ghandi’s flip flop. I need a drink.

Dana

Look at the state of this place.

Clodagh

Yeah, but when Les is out we’ll get the launderette. Planning permission will be no prob. We can knock through. Expand. Go up market.

Dana

It’s a strip club.

Clodagh

Alright down market, but bigger.

Dana

You’ve gotta dream ’aven’t you? Anyways. Last night. How’d you get on? I saw you nearly had his tonsils out.

Act One

24

Clodagh

I thought I’d found it. I thought I’d found it. Everything we’ve been looking for in a bloke.

Dana

What well hung and mute?

Clodagh

Not exactly but I tell you, I thought this was it.

Dana Well? Clodagh Married. Dana Bastard. Clodagh

He gave me this whole sob story about his wife being in a wheelchair and he wasn’t getting any. So he says, she’s away and would I like to go back to his place. Not been there five minutes when I hear a car pull up.

Dana

The spazzy wife?

Clodagh

Exactly. "My wife!" he goes. I said, "I thought she was away?" He says. "She was." Then I hear footsteps, not wheels, on the front path.

Dana Unbelievable. Clodagh

So I says, "I thought she was in a wheelchair, where’s she been – frigging Lourdes?" Next thing, I’m being bundled out of the back door and had to find a cab home.

Dana

You’re like a bowling ball, you.

Clodagh

Bowling ball?

Dana

Yeah, picked up, fingered, thrown back down the alley.

Music No. 5 – I’M SO OVER MEN Clodagh

I tell you, I’m getting too old for this game. Too many disappointments.

Dana

Maybe we should give ’em up altogether.

Soho Cinders



(During the course of the song Dana and Clodagh collect up an unlikely load of laundry: G-strings, boob tubes, suspender belts, sequin vests etc. They place them all in JD Sports bag.)

Dana I WISH THEY’D INVENT A NICORETTE PATCH TO HELP ME GIVE UP MEN JUST SLAP IT ON YOUR CRAVINGS ARE GONE BUT HOW WOULD I FILL MY DAYS THEN? IT’S ALWAYS THE WRONG MR RIGHT WHO SUDDENLY LANDS IN MY LAP THEY’RE SHITS WHO PASS IN THE NIGHT FALLING IN LOVE IS CRAP A LOAD OF OLD BULL FAREWELL TO NIGHTS ON THE PULL I’M SO OVER MEN I DON’T NEED A GUY AND AS FOR THE SEX THERE’S ALWAYS DIY SOME SEEM HOT TILL THE RUMPY PUMP STARTS THEN THEY’RE NOT WORTH THE SUM OF THEIR PARTS LIE ON YOUR BACK TRY LOOKING IMPRESSED FAKE IT AND SCREAM "YOU’RE THE BEST" I’VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN I’M SO OVER MEN Clodagh I WISH I COULD JOIN AN ANONYMOUS GROUP REHAB TO GIVE UP MEN JUST SAY YOUR NAME FACE UP TO THE SHAME CONFESS YOU’VE BEEN SHAGGING AGAIN THEN MAYBE I’LL FIND I HAVE STRENGTHS AWAY FROM THE RAGES AND RANTS

25

Act One

26

OF GUYS WHO DON’T GO TO GREAT LENGTHS FALLING IN LOVE IS PANTS FROM NOW ON IT’S CLEAR I’LL HAVE A SOLO CAREER I’M SO OVER MEN BRAGGING THEY’RE TOP NOTCH TALKING THROUGH THEIR ARSE THINKING WITH THEIR CROTCH HOW I DREAD EACH FAMILIAR SIGN FARTS IN BED THAT I KNOW ARE NOT MINE THE TOILET SEAT’S UP THERE’S PUBES ON THE SOAP AS FOR ROMANCE – NOT A HOPE I’VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN I’M SO OVER MEN

(Robbie passes the doorway to Glam-Amour and they spot him. They thrust the laundry in his face.)

Clodagh

Ah, Robbie Shitty Shirtlifter – just in time. Service wash. Low temperature.

Dana

That’s quality schmutter, that is. Don’t shrink it.

Robbie

(Picking a G-string from the bag.) I think somebody already did. And seeing as how you want Mum’s launderette so much, do it yourself.



(Robbie throws the bag back at them.)

Clodagh

I don’t know why Dad didn’t just kick you out when your Mum died. You’re like a milestone around his neck.

Robbie

It’s millstone. And Les is no father of mine.

Clodagh

Whatever. Point is you and the scrubber ain’t got long.

Dana

Basically . . .

Clodagh

At the end of the day . . .

Soho Cinders

Dana

I’m not being funny . . .

Clodagh

Or nuffin . . .

Both

Sling your hook.



(Dana throws a thong at Robbie, who exits.)

Dana IF THEY HAD A JAB I’D GIVE IT A STAB TO MAKE ME IMMUNE TO MEN Clodagh PAINLESS AND QUICK JUST ONE LITTLE PRICK Both INSTEAD OF THE USUAL TEN! (They laugh raucously.) I’M SO OVER MEN ’SPECIALLY WHEN THEY’RE PISSED THOSE WHO’VE TURNED US DOWN DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’VE MISSED Clodagh ACT LIKE ICE BUT THEN TRY NOT TO MELT Dana MY ADVICE WEAR A CHASTITY BELT Clodagh NO FOOTBALL TO WATCH FAGS IN THE SINK Y-FRONTS TO WASH – I DON’T THINK SO Dana COLD PIZZA CRUSTS AND BEER CANS TO CHUCK DO WE MISS THEM?

27

28

Act One

Both DO WE FUCK! I’VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN I’M SO OVER MEN Dana NO MORE PREGNANCY TESTS NO MORE NEED FOR PRECAUTIONS Clodagh NO MORE OVERNIGHT GUESTS NO MORE GETTING SMALL PORTIONS Dana NO MORE "I’M GOING BALD" NO MORE LOVE BITES NEED HIDING Clodagh NO MORE "MY WIFE JUST CALLED" NO MORE HANDS THAT NEED GUIDING Both NO MORE "CAN’T WE BE FRIENDS?" NO MORE "FIRST MEET MY MOTHER" NO MORE "HERE’S WHERE IT ENDS" NO MORE "MADE FOR EACH OTHER I’VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN I’M SO OVER MEN Narrator

William George and Sasha are out on the campaign trail in Soho.

William (To Sasha.) Relax. It’s just selling, but you’re selling a candidate. Now come on, let’s see the confident posture.

(Clodagh and Dana are exiting Glam-Amour.)

Sasha

I find it hard to . . .

William

Buttocks in, chest out.

Sasha

William, I don’t think that . . .

Soho Cinders

29

William

It’s not for them. For me.



(William slaps Sasha on the bottom.)

William

Good girl. Now, just watch and learn. (To Clodagh and Dana.) Hello, ladies.



(Clodagh and Dana don’t react. William tries again . . . )



Ladies?

Clodagh

Who . . . us?

Sasha

We were wondering if you were thinking of voting?

Clodagh

For what?

William

For London’s Mayor.

Dana (To William.) Ooh, and what do you have to offer a single girl that’s gonna make her put a kiss in your box? William

It’s not my ’box’, unfortunately. We’re canvassing for James Prince.

(He hands the girls a leaflet.) Dana Cute! Clodagh

I love an upstanding member.



(William’s phone rings.)

William

Excuse me I must take this. Sasha, you’re on your own.

Dana

You ever been in a titty bar?

Sasha

Er, no!

Clodagh

Well now’s your chance, come on. Just don’t touch the seats, they’re still wet.

Act One

30

(As they disappear inside, Lord Bellingham appears in a spotlight.) William

Lord Bellingham, how are you?

Lord Bellingham I’ve been happier. Cutting to the chase, William. You’ve screwed up. William

In what way?

Lord Bellingham Reach inside your cheap, shiny Primark suit and take out the fundraising invitation. William

The invitation?

Lord Bellingham Now read it. Notice anything? Anything . . . missing? William

Date. Time. Venue.

Lord Bellingham Sponsor? William

Oh, Christ.

Lord Bellingham Well, you could say that. No sponsor, no money. No money, no party. You see how it works? William? William

Yes, I see.

Lord Bellingham Reprint them. William

Sending new invitations will just underline our . . . error.

Lord Bellingham Our error? Your error. Since you did manage to at least include my address on the invitations I assume you wish the event to be held here, as planned? William

Well yes, of course . . . if . . .

Lord Bellingham I hope your candidate runs London better than you run his campaign. William

I’m sorry . . . I just . . .

Soho Cinders

31

Lord Bellingham That’s all. (Lord Bellingham hangs up.) William

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Sasha, back to the office.



(Sasha is happy to escape from the clutches of the sisters.)



You’ve screwed up on the party invites. Lord Bollock’s name’s not on it.



(Sasha takes an invitation out of her pocket too.)

Clodagh

Bollocks? Party? Sounds like a night out.

William

Give me that.

(He grabs the invitation from Sasha and tosses both of them away.)

Come on.

Dana (To William.) I thought you were going to show me your . . . manly festo.

(William and Sasha leave.)



You had me at “hello”.



(Clodagh picks up the invitations.)

Clodagh

“James Prince requests the pleasure of your company” . . . then his wish shall be granted. Fancy a night out? A proper night out.

Dana

But he’s got a fiancée, hasn’t he?

Clodagh

Since when did that stop you?

Dana

Oh no, we can’t.

Clodagh

Oh yes we can.

Act One

32

Both

Oh yes we will.

Music No. 5a – I’M SO OVER MEN – REPRISE Dana YOU’RE ALL OVER MEN LIKE SOME FLAMING RASH Clodagh NEVER HAD A MAYOR FIT WITH LOADS OF CASH Both ONE LAST FLING THEN WE’LL CALL IT A DAY BUY SOME BLING AND THEN HAVE IT AWAY THIS MIGHT BE THE ONE GIVE LOVE A CHANCE GO TO HIS PARTY HAVE A DANCE TODAY CITY HALL AND, IN TIME, NUMBER TEN I’M SO OVER MEN OVER OVER OVER OVER OVER OVER I’M GONNA GET MY LEG OVER . . . MEN!

SCENE SIX – James Prince’s home – that evening Narrator

It is 11pm. After an exhausting day’s campaigning, James is still working in his study at home.

Marilyn

They’ll be lucky to have you.



(James is caught offguard, unaware that she has been watching him.)

James Who? Marilyn

London, of course. Who did you think I meant?

James

Sorry, I was . . . elsewhere.

Soho Cinders



(Marilyn crosses to him.)

Marilyn

You’re working too hard. Let’s go up.

James

Marilyn . . .

33

Marilyn What? James

I couldn’t do this without you.

Marilyn

I know . . .

James

And I need you . . .

Marilyn

I know . . .

James

And I’m sorry.

Marilyn

For what?

James

Well . . . it won’t always be like this.

Marilyn

Yes it will, and it’ll probably get worse. If you get in.

James

And if I don’t?

Marilyn

It’ll be something else. You can’t change and I can’t change you.

James Ah! Marilyn

It was just the same at university – it was the debating society, Amnesty International, the free knitting patterns for arthritic pensioners campaign . . .

James

That bad, huh?

Marilyn

That bad.

Music No. 6 – REMEMBER US

But that was the deal. Remember?

Act One

34

James

Yes, I do. It seems like a lifetime ago.

Marilyn REMEMBER WHEN OUR HEADS WERE FULL OF BIG IDEALS REMEMBER THEN James I DON’T REMEMBER HOW THAT FEELS BUT WHEN YOU’RE YOUNG THEN SOMEHOW EVERYTHING’S A PLUS REMEMBER WHEN Marilyn REMEMBER . . . THEN REMEMBER US REMEMBER WHEN YOU DREAMT YOU’D BE LIKE ROBIN HOOD REMEMBER THEN James I KNOW NOT ALL OF IT WAS GOOD Marilyn WE’D TALK FOR HOURS SOME . . . BIG WORLD CRISIS TO DISCUSS REMEMBER WHEN James REMEMBER . . . THEN REMEMBER US Marilyn STRANGE THAT YOU AND I NEVER HAVE TO TRY SOMEHOW WE MUDDLE THROUGH James NO DENYING IT YOU JUST SEEM TO FIT LIKE AN OLD COMFY SHOE Marilyn SUCH A WAY WITH WORDS

Soho Cinders

James BUT THE BEST ARSE IN YOUR WHOLE CLASS OF NERDS Marilyn

Hey!

REMEMBER WHEN YOU GREW A MULLET – GLAD THAT’S GONE James IT WAS THIS LONG Marilyn REMEMBER THEN YOU SAID THAT EMAIL WON’T CATCH ON James SO I WAS WRONG YOUR MOBILE PHONE Marilyn MY MOBILE PHONE Both YES IT WAS BIGGER THAN A BUS James THE SIGNAL WAS RUBBISH Both REMEMBER WHEN REMEMBER . . . THEN REMEMBER US LOOK AT US DOT COM EVERY DOUBTING TOM SAID THAT WE’D NEVER LAST James STILL I’M STUCK ON YOU Marilyn I’M YOUR COMFY SHOE YOU’RE MY ELASTOPLAST

35

Act One

36

Both WE GO HAND IN GLOVE AND STILL WE SEEM THE PERFECT TEAM IN LOVE (Instrumental.) Marilyn SO MANY YEARS James LAUGHTER AND TEARS Marilyn BUT WHEN YOU’RE YOUNG James BUT WHEN YOU’RE YOUNG Both THEN SOMEHOW EVERYTHING’S A PLUS Marilyn REMEMBER WHEN

Now come to bed . . .

James REMEMBER THEN Marilyn

It’s been a while.

Both REMEMBER US James

One more email and I’ll be up. Promise.



(Marilyn closes James’ laptop. He sighs, realising resistance is futile.)

Soho Cinders

37

SCENE SEVEN – Two days later – in the Laundrette Narrator

Two days later, back in the launderette, Robbie and Velcro have been chewing the fat – rather an unpalatable expression for the calorie counters amongst us.



(Velcro is holding one of James Prince’s campaign leaflets.)

Velcro

Shame he’s in a suit. I bet he’d get more votes if he was still in his speedos.

Robbie

Then where would he pin his rosette?

Velcro

Right on his policy package.



(Clodagh and Dana enter the launderette.)

Clodagh

Tick, tock, tick, tock . . .

Dana

Do that thing, you know . . .

(She makes her arm look like the big hand on TV’s “Countdown” clock. Clodagh obliges by singing the “Countdown” clock music.

Clodagh sings the theme tune. Dana waits for the final “Boo” of the theme tune, then realises Clodagh is waiting for her to provide it.)

Dana

. . . BOO! I love it when you do that.

Velcro

Little things . . .

Robbie

What do you want?

Clodagh

Splash the cash!

Dana

Show the dough.

Clodagh

Spill the lolly . . .

Both Dolly.

Act One

38

Robbie

Here y’are.



(Robbie hands Dana the cash that we saw him put away in the first scene after accepting it from Lord Bellingham.)

Dana

How much?

Robbie

Five hundred, the usual.

Clodagh

Three words, not en-ough.

Robbie

That’s syllables not words.

Dana

Alright Carol sodding Vorderman, that’s the old rate. We told you it’s gone up.

Robbie

You’ll have to give me a bit longer.

Clodagh

Twenty-four hours.

Dana

Twelve – otherwise we’re changing the locks on this place too.

Clodagh (To Velcro.) You’re wasting your time love, he’s a knob jockey. (The sisters exit.) Robbie

Great, that’s all we need.

Velcro

What are you gonna do?

Robbie

I dunno. What can I do?

Velcro

Sell your body.

Robbie

Very funny.

Velcro

No, on second thoughts you won’t get that much.



(Robbie’s phone rings.)

Robbie Hi. (We see James elsewhere in a spotlight.)

Soho Cinders

39

James

Hi it’s me, I just wanted to hear your voice. I’ve only got a minute. I’m sorry.

Robbie

You don’t have to apologise. I get it. I’m glad you called. When can I see you? If it helps I’m free tonight. Or tomorrow night?



(Velcro mimes kisses and love hearts. Robbie shoos her away.)

James

Argh! I’d love to but I’ve got this thing tonight and a fundraiser tomorrow. But the next available moment, I swear . . .

Robbie

Look. You know where I am, and you know I want to see you. You just need to let me know when. No pressure. Just make it soon!

James

I must go. I’ll call you later if I can.

Robbie Bye.

(Robbie puts the phone down.)

Velcro

That was SO gooey! I’ve never seen you like it. It’s like you’ve been abducted by aliens, and they sent back this . . . Andrex puppy. Tell me his name.

Robbie

I can’t. It’s complicated. All I can say is he makes me smile . . . on the inside. Is that love?

Velcro

I dunno it’s been a long time. I can’t remember.

(Sidesaddle enters with a large bouquet of flowers.) Robbie (Seeing the flowers.) Oh Sidesaddle, you shouldn’t have done that, I told it’s half price – at least until you can afford more. Sidesaddle

Sort of embarrassing, they’re not from me, I just took them off the delivery guy. Is my washing ready?

Robbie

Yeah, just done it.

Sidesaddle

Who are they from then?

40

Velcro

Act One

His new boyfriend, but don’t ask his name ’cos he won’t tell you.

Robbie (Opening a card attached to the flowers.) I don’t know. I don’t know why anyone would . . . oh . . .

(Robbie pulls a wadge of bank notes from the envelope.)

Velcro

Jesus Christ, Robbie. What’s he sending you money for? You’re not really selling your body, are you?

Robbie (Slightly dazed.) Course not. Velcro

How much is there?

Music No. 6a – OLD COMPTON STREET – REPRISE Robbie

I . . . dunno. You count it.



(Velcro counts the money as Robbie reads the card. Elsewhere Lord Bellingham appears in a spotlight.)

Lord Bellingham I’D LIKE TO HAVE YOU HERE WITH ME I THINK WE’RE QUITE WELL-SUITED IT’S HIGH TIME OUR RELATIONSHIP BECAME FAR LESS DILUTED AND NO-ONE NEEDS TO KNOW THE TRUTH THE WAY IN WHICH WE MET THE SORDID LITTLE DETAILS IN TIME WE CAN FORGET Lord Bellingham Robbie, I hope I haven’t misjudged our situation, but the time we spend together is the highlight of any week. I’d like more of it and my hope is that you would too. I’m hosting an event tomorrow night at the office and I’d like you to join me. It’s a black tie affair and, as it will be a late night, I’d like you to stay over. I’ve taken the liberty of informing Prada in Sloane Street to expect you. It’s all on account. Just choose something nice. The enclosed is a little something for you.

Soho Cinders

41

(As Robbie closes the card and keeps its contents from Velcro, our focus stays with Lord Bellingham.) Lord Bellingham I CAN’T BEAR YOU ON OLD COMPTON STREET I WON’T SHARE YOU SO I THINK A CHANGE WORTH A TRY I DON’T RENT WHAT I CAN BUY THERE ARE WAYS TO BEAT OLD COMPTON STREET

(Robbie is panic stricken.)

Velcro

There’s a thousand pounds . . . (There’s no reaction.) . . . he must really love you.

Robbie

Yeah . . . that’s what worries me. Give it here.



(Velcro hands Robbie the money which he starts to put back in the envelope.)

Velcro

What are you doing?

Robbie

I’m sending it back. With the flowers.

Velcro

Robbie, what’s going on? You just spoke to him on the phone and lit up like the Blackpool illuminations. Now you’re playing hard to get.

Robbie

It’s not from him. (Pause.) Sidesaddle, can you give us a minute?

Sidesaddle

I can give you all night – I’m off home. Laters.



(Sidesaddle exits.)

Velcro

And . . .

Robbie

I’m seeing this guy.

Velcro

I know you are.

Robbie

Well, I’m not . . . I’m sort of seeing two guys.

Act One

42

Velcro What? Robbie

Well I’m not, but I am.

Velcro

You’re not making any sense, Robbie. Are you on something?

Robbie

Look. I’ve been seeing this guy for three months and I think I’ve fallen in love with him. But it’s complicated.

Velcro

What’s complicated? He’s just sent you a thousand pounds and a bunch of flowers.

Robbie

No he hasn’t. They’re from someone else.

Velcro Who? Robbie

An older man. A businessman. A . . . Lord.

Velcro (Incredulous.) A Lord! Robbie

I met him on a website. Where older rich guys meet younger . . . less rich guys.

Velcro Robbie! Robbie

I know, but we needed the money! He took a shine to me and I went along with it. Drinks, dinners, movies. I was company for him. But now it’s turned into wads of cash and flowers and he’s asking me to stay overnight. That feels like prostitution.

Velcro

Well, duh! And, what, has your boyfriend found out.

Robbie

No, nothing like that.

Velcro

So what’s the problem? Ditch Lord Sugar Daddy and be with Prince Charming.

Robbie

It’s not as easy as that, you see . . . there’s a Princess Charming.

Velcro

He’s married?

Robbie

Fiancée.

Soho Cinders

Velcro

Oh Christ, Robbie!

Robbie

And you know him. Well you know of him.

Velcro

I do?

Robbie

He’s kinda famous.

43

Velcro (Trying to work it out.) Famous closet case. There’s so many, I wouldn’t know where to start. (Pause.) Oh Robbie, just give me his name.

(Robbie holds up the James Prince campaign leaflet.)

Velcro

Oh get real . . .

Robbie

I’m serious.

Velcro

James Prince . . . you’re not! The Mayor guy. He’s not gay.

Robbie

I can promise you he is, but not publicly. He’s not like any other guy I’ve been with.

Velcro

Robbie, you need to be careful. This has danger written all over it.

Robbie

I know. I know.

(A Hunky Customer enters with his laundry.) Velcro

I think number five’s free, on the right. (To Robbie in hushed tones.) You read about things like this. Politicians. Affairs. Wives. And you’re seeing this Lord as well. I’m sorry Robbie but . . .

Robbie

It’s under control.

Velcro

Today maybe. But you can’t control the press. Now listen Robbie . . .

Robbie (Raising his voice.) I’ve heard you Cro’, but . . . Velcro (Indicating they are not alone.) Shh!

Act One

44

(The Customer turns to them, then continues to load the machine.) Robbie (Hushed tones again.) I’m not getting rid of the best thing in my life ’cos of what might happen tomorrow. Okay? Velcro

Okay. Okay. Well why doesn’t he just come out? No-one would care.

Robbie

Well his fiancee might.

(The Customer removes his shirt and puts it in the washer.) Velcro (The reality has sunk in.) I can’t believe it. I’ve got to get my gaydar realigned. Gay, straight, bi, married, gay married, Arthur, Martha, Grindr, Tinder. It does me head in. Music No. 7 – IT’S HARD TO TELL Velcro

Now . . . (Pointing to the Customer just as he’s removing his jeans and placing them in the washer.) take him, for instance.

(Fantasy sequence. During the course of the song it is as if the launderette has been transformed into a trendy night club peopled by hot young things, male and female, who appear from washing machines and behind dryers.) Velcro TO ME IT’S QUITE CLEAR HE HAS TO BE QUEER BUT I’LL ADMIT THEY’RE GETTING HARDER TO SPOT UNLESS THEY’RE SCREAMING "OUT AND PROUD" OR SINGING SHOW TUNES WAY TOO LOUD I WOULDN’T LIKE TO SAY WHO’S INTO WHAT . . . IT’S HARD TO TELL THE GAY GUYS FROM THE STRAIGHT THESE DAYS IT’S HARD TO TELL THE PRINCES FROM THE QUEENS EVERY BAR IN SOHO THAT ONCE WAS STRICTLY NO GO NOW FALLS SOMEWHERE BETWIXT

Soho Cinders

WITH A CLIENTELE THAT’S MIXED IT’S HARD TO TELL THE GAY GUYS FROM THE STRAIGHT THESE DAYS IT’S HARD TO TELL THE HOMOS FROM THE HETS HE’S HOTTER THAN WASABE BUT DOES HE LOVE KEN OR BARBIE? WELL I’M NOT PLACING ANY BETS HEAD TO TOE IN GUCCI ACTING RATHER SMOOCHEY SEEMS THE TYPE FOR PULLING BIRDS THEN IN CONVERSATION COMES THE REVELATION HE IS MINCING MORE THAN JUST HIS WORDS Robbie IT’S HARD TO TELL THE GAY GUYS FROM THE STRAIGHT THESE DAYS IT’S HARD TO TELL THE DIAMONDS FROM THE ROUGH BOTH PLAY CASANOVA WHICH BOWLS A MAIDEN OVER THAT’S FINE FOR TEA AND CHAT BUT FOR WHICH TEAM DOES HE BAT? Robbie & Velcro IT’S HARD TO TELL THE GAY GUYS FROM THE STRAIGHT THESE DAYS IT’S HARD TO TELL THE ONE IN EVERY TEN Robbie SOME LOVE TOPLESS STRIPPERS OTHERS DREAM OF RUBY SLIPPERS WELL AIN’T THAT TYPICAL OF MEN QUITE THE DISCO BUNNY TANS WHEN IT’S NOT SUNNY LOOKS AS IF HE’S WORTH A FLING Velcro LOOKS AS IF HE’S WORTH A FLING Robbie JEANS HE HAS TO SQUEEZE ON ABS YOU COULD GRATE CHEESE ON THEN YOU SEE HE WEARS A WEDDING RING

45

Act One

46

Velcro A WEDDING RING DON’T MEAN A THING Both & Full Ensemble IT’S HARD TO TELL IT’S HARD TO TELL SCANNING THEIR REFLECTION FOR THE SLIGHTEST IMPERFECTION IF WRINKLES DARE TO SHOW THEY MOISTURIZE THEM SO IT’S HARD TO TELL THE GAY GUYS FROM THE STRAIGHT THESE DAYS IT’S HARD TO TELL WHICH WAY THAT THEY’RE INCLINED MAKING SURE THEY’RE PRETTY FOR A NIGHT OUT ON THE CITY WHERE BOTH HAVE ONE THING ON THEIR MIND (The song ends in a tableau of bodies.) Music No. 7a – IT’S HARD TO TELL – FADE

SCENE EIGHT – Soho Square – 11am the following morning Narrator

Robbie and Velcro are crashed out on a bench after their night in Soho assessing the sexual orientation of its inhabitants by asking them to provide surnames for the following list: Liza, Chita and Barbra. Not surprisingly, many single gentlemen scored three out of three.

Velcro

Hey Robbie. How’s the head? I feel like I’ve been hit by a Budweiser truck. One too many vodka shots.

Robbie

I hardly slept a wink. I can’t believe I’ve got myself into this mess.



(Robbie’s phone bleeps with a text message.)

Velcro

Which one is it? Lord Gay or Mayor Not-Quite-Sure?

Robbie Cro.

Soho Cinders



(Robbie read the text message and smiles.)

Velcro

Oh, it’s the Mayor. Give me that phone.

47

Robbie No. Velcro

Phone. Now. I know who he is, just give me the phone.



(Robbie hands the phone over. Velcro reads the text message.)



“Thinking about you. Can’t wait to see you Squidge”

Robbie

It’s Squdge. Oh Cro, he makes my tummy go. What am I gonna do? I can’t continue with Lord Bellingham, I have to send him back the money.

Velcro

Robbie, have a brain. A thousand pounds would come in useful, right? Of course right. So here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re going to go and give Trash and Trollop the rent and get them off our backs. Then, we go to Prada and get you dolled up in the best tux, and maybe pick up a little something for me.

Robbie

For you?

Velcro

Let’s call it a little thank you for all the shit you’ve put me through. Agreed? Just nod. Right, then you are going to go to this swanky party and be sweetness and light with Lord Whotisname, and after that you are never going to see him again.

Robbie

Yes, but he wants me to stay the night.

Velcro

And you’re going to have every intention of doing so until . . . I call you at midnight.

Robbie What? Velcro

I’ll phone and say I’ve got some emergency. The launderette’s burnt down, Becky’s exploded. Use your imagination.

Robbie

And . . .

Act One

48

Velcro

You make your excuses and you come home. That way you’ve kept your side of the bargain with his Lordship and you’ve stayed faithful to Prince Bisexual.

Robbie

Oh Cro. I’m not so sure. You make it sound so simple.

Velcro

That’s cos it is.



(Sidesaddle draws up beside them in her cycle rickshaw.)

Sidesaddle

Hi guys. You alright? Need a ride?

Velcro

Actually, yes we do.

Sidesaddle

Where to?

Velcro

Prada. Sloane Street.

Robbie Cro! Velcro

Get in, you Muppet!

Sidesaddle

That’s a long way.

Velcro

That ’ain’t it. You’ve got to wait for us there then take him for a haircut. Come to think of it, how much till midnight?

Sidesaddle (Off the top of her head.) A hundred quid. Velcro

Right Robbie, pay her fifty.



(Robbie pulls a fifty pound note from the envelope.)

Sidesaddle Fifty? Velcro

Half price, remember?

Robbie

You owe me.

Sidesaddle

Fifty it is. Prada, Sloane Street that’s a bit upmarket.

Velcro

He’s got a big party tonight, haven’t you Robbie? Posh do.

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49

Robbie (Sarcastically.) Yeah, great. Sidesaddle

You don’t sound so keen.

Velcro

He’s warming to the idea, aren’t you?

Robbie (Unenthusiastically.) Sure. Velcro

Well, let your face know.

(During the following song Robbie is transformed ready for the ’Ball’ to the extent that he is barely recognisable by the end of the number.) Music No. 8 – YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL Velcro YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL CINDERELLA I’LL TAKE YOU FOR A RIDE YES, YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL, LUCKY FELLA YOUR CARRIAGE WAITS JUST STEP INSIDE Sidesaddle I CAN’T DO TRICKS WITH PUMPKINS NOR NO HORSES FROM WHITE MICE BUT WHO NEEDS VEG AND VERMIN WHEN YOU’VE GOT ME FOR HALF PRICE Sidesaddle & Velcro YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL, CINDERELLA Sidesaddle I’LL GET YOU THERE ALRIGHT YES, YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL I CAN TELL A LOT IS UP FOR GRABS YOU’VE GOT THE BEST OF CABS TONIGHT (CUT TO: Clodagh and Dana in the final stages of getting ready for the party. They are dressed very tartily.)

Act One

50

Dana

Clo, how do I look?

Clodagh

Like someone’s covered you in Pritt Stick and rolled you through Accessorize.

Clodagh I COULD USE ANOTHER PINT OF BAILEYS Dana A BAILEYS Clodagh SECOND THOUGHTS I’LL HAVE A GLASS OF WHITE Dana MAKE IT TWO Both TWO SILLY BINTS GONNA FIGHT FOR A PRINCE Dana COS TONIGHT Clodagh TONIGHT Both TONIGHT Dana YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL, CINDERELLA Both BOTH LOOKING FIT Clodagh AND SLIM Both YES, WE SHALL GO TO THE BALL LOOKING STELLAR I COULD BE THE GIRL FOR HIM

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Clodagh I LOVE THIS SHADE OF LIP GLOSS Dana MY MASCARA’S BY CHANEL Both YOU’D NEVER THINK TWO SCRUBBERS COULD HAVE GOT TARTED UP QUITE THIS WELL (CUT TO: Lord Bellingham in a spotlight tying his bow tie.) Lord Bellingham THOSE WHO RAISE AN EYEBROW AT THE AGE GAP NEED TO KEEP THEIR NOSE FROM MY AFFAIRS GOSSIPS MAY THINK THAT I’M DATING A TWINK BUT WHO CARES? YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL, CINDERELLA WITH ALL THAT BOYISH CHARM YES, YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL AS MY BELLE A HANDSOME TRINKET ON MY ARM

(CUT TO: Robbie being fitted for his suit.

Robbie HOW DID I LET YOU TALK ME INTO THIS? HE JUST GIVES ME THE CREEPS Velcro (Deliberately sounding ’posh’.) MAYBE ONE SHOULD BE MORE PARTICULAR ABOUT PLACES ONE SLEEPS Robbie SORRY CRO, I KNOW IT’S NOT CLEVER DOING THIS IS NOT WHAT I’D EVER CHOOSE

(Robbie continues to get ready, with haircut and manicure.)

(CUT TO: Marilyn, William and James make their way to Lord Bellingham’s offices.)

52

Act One

Marilyn HERE WE GO AGAIN, THE GOLDEN COUPLE James KEEP SMILING William THIS COULD REALLY BE THE LITMUS TEST Marilyn (Smiling ingratiatingly at James.) HOW IS THIS! William MAKE SURE YOU MINGLE AND SCHMOOZ EVERY SINGLE LAST GUEST (CUT TO: Robbie and Velcro are ready to leave.) Robbie HOW DID I LET YOU TALK ME INTO THIS I FEEL WEAK AT THE KNEES Velcro IT’S NOT EVERYDAY YOU GO PARTYING NOT WITH PEOPLE LIKE THESE Sidesaddle COME ON GUYS! ENOUGH HESITATING CAN’T YOU SEE YOUR CARRIAGE IS WAITING NOW

(Sidesaddle’s rickshaw is now pimped to the max and vaguely resembles an orange pumpkin. Party Guests fill the stage as the set transforms to Lord Bellingham’s offices.)

All YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL CINDERELLA GO WHERE THE LIGHTS ARE BRIGHT YES, YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL, WE CAN SMELL A LOT OF TENSION HERE TONIGHT WATCH THE GLITTERATI GLITTER THE NOUVEAU CREME DE LA CREME

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THEY LOVE TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE KNOWING THAT EVERY EYE IS ON THEM

(James, Marilyn and William are greeting various Guests. Lord Bellingham is the perfect host. At the top of the staircase the fully-transformed Robbie makes his entrance.)

All YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL, CINDERELLA GO FOR A NIGHT OF GLITZ YES, YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL, CINDERELLA AND MINGLE WITH THOSE POMPOUS GITS Lord Bellingham (Looking pleased.) Robbie. All AND GET COMPLETELY OFF YOUR TITS James (Looking startled.) Robbie? All AND SEE IF THE GLASS SLIPPER . . . Robbie (Looking horrified.) Awkward! All . . . FITS (Curtain.)

53

Act Two

54

ACT TWO Music No. 9 – ENTR’ACTE SCENE ONE – The party at Bellingham Industries Music segues into Lord Bellingham’s office where the campaign fund-raising party is in full swing. Lord Bellingham, Robbie and James are in exactly the same position as we left them at the end of Act One. All YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL, CINDERELLA GO FOR A NIGHT OF GLITZ YES, YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL, CINDERELLA AND MINGLE WITH THOSE POMPOUS GITS Lord Bellingham (Looking pleased.) Robbie. All AND GET COMPLETELY OFF YOUR TITS James (Looking startled.) Robbie? All AND SEE IF THE GLASS SLIPPER . . .

(James Prince is staring at Robbie, who looks deeply uncomfortable.)

Music No. 10 – WHO’S THAT BOY? Party Guests (See score for details.) WHO’S THAT BOY? AND WHO DID HE COME IN WITH? WHO’S THAT BOY? HE’S HANDSOME TO BEGIN WITH WHO’S THAT BOY? NO DOUBT A YOUNG GO-GETTER WHO’S THAT BOY? I’D LIKE TO KNOW HIM BETTER WHO’S THAT BOY? WHO’S THAT BOY?

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Lord Bellingham (Confused.) Robbie. Can I have word? (Robbie tries to get away from Lord Bellingham by making his way to the bar to get a drink. During the sequence we see both James and Lord Bellingham trying to find Robbie.) Party Guests (See score for breakdown.) WHO’S THAT BOY? THERE HAS TO BE A STORY WHO’S THAT BOY? TOO TRENDY FOR A TORY WHO’S THAT BOY? IT SEEMS HE WAS EXPECTED WHO’S THAT BOY? HE’S CLEARLY WELL-CONNECTED WHO’S THAT BOY? WHO’S THAT BOY? Marilyn

James. Is everything Okay? William? What’s going on?

William

I intend to find out.



(James tries to get to Robbie who attempts to avoid a confrontation.)

Party Guests DID YOU SEE THE WAY HE SAUNTERED IN AS IF HE OWNED THE PLACE EXUDING SUCH SELF-CONFIDENCE YET NO-ONE KNOWS HIS FACE HE LEAVES US IN THE SHADOWS LIKE A MOMENT’RY ECLIPSE AND THERE IS JUST ONE QUESTION THAT’S ON EVERYBODY’S LIPS WHO’S THAT BOY? Dana

He’s looking at me again. Oh please. Could he be more obvious.

55

Act Two

56

Clodagh

Get over yourself, it’s me he’s oggling. All these politicians like a bit on the side.

Dana

That James Prince is fit.

Waiter

Stuffed olive?

Clodagh

Did he? Lucky Olive. (Dirty laugh.)

William WHO’S THAT BOY? AND WHY THE STRANGE REACTION Clodagh (To Dana.) It’s Robbie! William WHO’S THAT BOY? AND WHAT IS THE ATTRACTION Dana

What’s he doing here?

William WHO’S THAT BOY? Clodagh & Dana HE’S JUST OUR LITTLE BROTHER COS OUR DAD GOT MARRIED TO HIS MOTHER William

So what’s he doing . . . (Realises it’s Clodagh and Dana.) . . . what are you doing here? Security!

Clodagh

I wouldn’t do that if I were you.

Dana

You’ve got questions. We’ve got answers. Call us.

(She scrawls her phone number on the invitation card with her lipstick. Elsewhere, James and Lord Bellingham continue to pursue Robbie.)

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Party Guests SYMPTOMATIC OF THESE FUNCTIONS IS THEY’RE FULL OF CRASHING BORES THE FIRST SIGN OF FRESH TALENT AND THEY’RE BEATING DOWN THE DOORS LIKE BEES AROUND THE HONEY LIKE MOTHS AROUND THE FLAME THEY CHASE AFTER THE YOUNG BLOOD THOUGH NO-ONE KNOWS HIS NAME (Instrumental half-chorus during which Robbie escapes to the terrace.) WHO’S THAT BOY? HE’S ENTRANCE WAS DRAMATIC WHO’S THAT BOY BOTH COOL AND ENIGMATIC WHO’S THAT BOY? WHO’S THAT BOY?

(Robbie is on the terrace. Having just taken his phone out to make a call he is interrupted by the arrival of Lord Bellingham.)

Lord Bellingham Robbie? Is everything alright? You don’t seem yourself. Robbie

No, I’m fine . . . I’m fine.

Lord Bellingham You seemed nervous in front of James Prince – it’s not like you, he’s a mayoral candidate, not royalty. Robbie

I know, I’m . . . I’m not really feeling myself. In fact, George, I think I may have to go . . .



(Robbie raises his phone. Lord Bellingham gently but forcefully puts his hand on the phone.)

Lord Bellingham You don’t have to do that. The apartment’s upstairs. Why don’t you go and have a lie down in my room. Robbie

No George, I think it’s better if I go.

Act Two

58

Lord Bellingham Wait a minute, Doctor Reid’s here, he can have a look at you. Robbie (More forcefully.) No, George. I want to go. Lord Bellingham This a big night for me. Actually for you and me. Us. Robbie

Us?

Lord Bellingham Like I said in the note, which you clearly received judging by the Prada suit you’re wearing. I thought I’d made my feelings very clear. Robbie

Yes you did, George, and about that . . . I’m not sure we’re quite in the same place . . .

Lord Bellingham (Clearly hurt.) I see. But you took the thousand pounds, and you went on a shopping spree. Robbie

George . . .

Lord Bellingham No, Robbie, you see that’s not how it works. All the gifts, all the dinners, the money, the suit you’re wearing, the shirt on your back – it’s not charity – what do you think I am? Robbie (Getting angry.) No, George what do you think I am? Lord Bellingham (Grabbing Robbie’s lapels.) I’ll tell you what I think you are.

(Robbie’s phone is knocked to the ground. At that moment James and William run onto the terrace. Marilyn holds back slightly, at a distance.)

William

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Lord Bellingham, I’m not interrupting anything, am I?

James

Robbie, what are you doing here?

William

I’m sure there must be a very simple explanation . . .

Robbie (Not moving.) I really have to go. James

You two know one another?

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59

Robbie

I can’t do this. Not now.



(Robbie runs off.)

William

James, there are guests to be attended to. Lord Bellingham are you coming?

Lord Bellingham Hmm? Yes, of course.

(Lord Bellingham and William rejoin the party guests inside leaving Marilyn alone on the terrace. She stoops to pick up the mobile phone Robbie dropped in the fracas.)

Marilyn WHO’S THAT BOY? AND WHAT IS HE CONCEALING? WHO’S THAT BOY? I’VE GOT THE STRANGEST FEELING WHO’S THAT BOY? PERHAPS HE’S JUST A CHANCER WHO’S THAT BOY I FEAR I KNOW THE ANSWER WHO’S THAT BOY? |WHO’S THAT BOY? Party Guests BOY, BOY WHO’S THAT BOY? WHO’S THAT BOY?

(Marilyn goes back inside. Robbie runs in the darkness.)

All WHO’S THAT BOY? DID SOMEBODY INVITE HIM? WHO’S THAT BOY? SO CUTE I WANT TO BITE HIM WHO’S THAT BOY? I THOUGHT I SAW A SCUFFLE WHO’S THAT BOY

Act Two

60

WHO’S CAUSING THE KERFUFFLE WHO’S THAT BOY? WHO’S THAT BOY?

SCENE TWO – Trafalgar Square, soon after Narrator

Robbie runs into the night. Without really thinking about where he’s going, he ends up in Trafalgar Square beside one of the lion’s paws.



(James runs in breathless.)

James

I thought you’d come here.

Robbie

Well, you know me . . .

James

Do I, Robbie? I’m not sure I do. How do you know George Bellingham?

Robbie

Look James . . .

James

Please tell me it’s not what I think?

(Silence.) (Getting slightly agitated.) Robbie, I’ve asked you a question. I think you owe me an explanation. Robbie (Rising to meet James’ anger.) I don’t owe you anything. But I’m not having an affair with him, if that’s what you think. James

So how do you know him?

Robbie

He took a shine to me. I went along with it. At first it was just company and I felt sorry for him. It was perfectly innocent. Then it kind of developed into giving me money and stuff. And now . . . he’s asking for a bit more . . .

James (Sarcastically.) Well where did you think it was leading? And why didn’t you tell me?

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61

Robbie

There are things about you that I never questioned such as your fiancée and there are things about me . . .

James

. . . which you should have told me, Robbie. I’m running for London Mayor, for God’s sake.

Robbie

Yes, and until tonight, I was your uncomplicated escape from all that.

James

Uncomplicated? Jesus. If the Press get hold of this. Oh God. Have you any idea what this will look like?

Robbie

What do you mean?

James

“Industry tycoon pays young gay guy for company”. Join the dots, Robbie, they’ll make you out to be an escort. Worse. A rent boy.

Robbie

I never had sex with him.

James

No, but you took his money. And if they link me to you . . . ”The politician cheating on his fiancée with a rent boy”. So tragic it’s almost funny.

Robbie

But I never took your money even though we had . . . no, this is all wrong. It’s not like that. James. I’m your lover. I’m not a rent boy.



(Robbie makes a move towards James.)



I’ve fallen in love with you. That’s why I left the party. I can’t be with anyone else. I don’t want to be with anyone else.

James

I can’t take this. Jesus Christ. What have I done?



(James turns and walks away into the night. Robbie calls after him.)

Robbie

James! James!

62

Act Two

Music No. 11 – THEY DON’T MAKE GLASS SLIPPERS Robbie ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS JUST A LITTLE BOY AND HE THOUGHT THE WHOLE WORLD WAS HIS WASN’T VERY OLD WHEN HE CAME TO FIND OUT THAT THAT’S NOT HOW IT IS THEY DON’T MAKE GLASS SLIPPERS IT’S NO GREAT SURPRISE IF THEY MAKE GLASS SLIPPERS THEY DON’T HAVE MY SIZE HAPPY EVER AFTERS ALWAYS TURN OUT WRONG NO FAIRY GODMOTHER POPS UP TO HELP THINGS ALONG THEY DON’T MAKE GLASS SLIPPERS PRETTY AS THEY SEEM TROUBLE IS GLASS SLIPPERS SHATTER LIKE A DREAM WHY DON’T HANDSOME PRINCES PRACTICE WHAT THEY PREACH MAGICAL KINGDOMS ARE ALWAYS JUST OUT OF MY REACH ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS JUST A LITTLE BOY AND HE THOUGHT THE WHOLE WORLD WAS HIS WASN’T VERY OLD WHEN HE CAME TO FIND OUT THAT THAT’S NOT HOW IT IS ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS JUST A LITTLE BOY AND HE THOUGHT THE WHOLE WORLD WAS HIS WASN’T VERY OLD WHEN HE CAME TO FIND OUT THAT THAT’S NOT HOW IT IS THEY DON’T MAKE GLASS SLIPPERS IT’S NO GREAT SURPRISE IF THEY MAKE GLASS SLIPPERS

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63

THEY DON’T HAVE MY SIZE HAPPY EVER AFTERS ALWAYS TURN OUT WRONG NO FAIRY GODMOTHER POPS UP TO HELP THINGS ALONG NO FAIRY GODMOTHER POPS UP TO HELP THINGS ALONG

SCENE THREE – Campaign Headquarters – the following morning A crisis meeting between William, Marilyn and James is taking place. Narrator

The following morning all is not well in James Prince’s campaign headquarters. The events of the previous evening have thrown everything up in the air. Having seen the way James looked at both Marilyn and Robbie, William George fears an impending double dip depression.

William

Well, James? Just like Prince Charles . . . I’m all ears.



(William holds up a piece of paper with phone numbers in it.)



You seen this? This is a list of donors, all of whom were there last night, all of whom have called today asking for an explanation. Now before I make one up, I’d like to hear the truth from you.

(Silence.)

For God’s sake say something.

James

I’ve no idea what he was doing there. He was hired by Bellingham as ’company’.

William

The boy?

James

Yes. His name’s Robbie.

William

And do you know him?

Act Two

64

James

I’ve been seeing him for four months.

Marilyn

Oh no.

William What? Marilyn

Shut up, William.

William

He was “hired” by Bellingham? You mean . . . he’s a rent boy?

Marilyn

Oh please no.

James

He’s not. But Bellingham was paying him for company. Apparently they never had sex.

William

And what about you?

James

Paying for sex? Of course not! Between him and me . . . no money ever changed hands.

William

Oh well that’s fine, then. The papers won’t give a toss. Won’t even be interested. I’ll call the f-ing pope, have you put up for sainthood. Halle-pissing-lu-yah.

James

William, please.

William

Fiancée, secret gay rent boy lover, politician. Boom! The perfect storm. Cancel the diary. Cancel the campaign. Shit.



(Marilyn goes to leave.)

James

Marilyn. It’s sounds so . . . weak; but I’m sorry. Marilyn?

Marilyn

James. I don’t want to hear it and this is certainly not something I wish to discuss in front of him. (Indicating William.) I’ll see you at home.



(Marilyn looks at a poster of James Prince with the logo ’How can you go wrong with honest.’)

Pathetic.

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65

Music No. 11a – SPIN – REPRISE

(Marilyn leaves the office.)

Marilyn

Oh God.

Marilyn HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG WITH HONEST? HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG WITH SIMPLE TRUTH? REMEMBER? - THAT’S WHAT PEOPLE WANT SINCE WHEN DID DECENCY BECOME OLD-FASHIONED HIDDEN BY A SMOKE SCREEN OF CLICHE? HE PROMISED THAT HE’D PLAY IT STRAIGHT LAUGHABLE I KNOW BUT WAIT . . . (A phone rings in Marilyn’s bag. We recognise it as Robbie’s ringtone.) Marilyn

What on earth . . . ? (She searches in her bag.) I don’t believe this. (She answers.) Hello? (Robbie?) No, but this is his phone. (So who are you?) This is Marilyn Platt. (Well what are you doing with Robbie’s phone.) He dropped it last night. He had to leave in something of a hurry. (Well where is he?) Look, I’ve no idea where he is. (So are you going to return his phone?) I’m sorry? No I will not return his fucking phone.



(Marilyn exits while, back in the office, James sits with his head in his hands.)

James

Oh Christ.

William

He may be the son of God but even he can’t help you now.

James

What am I going to do?

William

I will tell you what you are going to do. First you are going to go home. Shower and clean up. You’ve not only been socialising in the gutter you smell like you’ve been rolling in it. Get a car to pick you up. From round the back. This mess will have leaked by this afternoon and I want you seriously unavailable for comment. Do you understand that?

Act Two

66

(James nods.)

Good. Second, start writing the best apology speech ever written and we’ll just see if I can do an impersonation of the Messiah and rescue this out-of-control campaign. Now go.



(James exits.)

Music No. 11b – UNDERSCORE into THE TAIL THAT WAGS THE DOG

(William pulls out the invitation card on which the stepsisters’ phone number is written in lipstick. He dials. Lights come up on Clodagh and Dana, as their phone starts to vibrate. They answer.)

William

This is William George. You gave me your number at the event last night. You told me that Robbie is your brother, or stepbrother.

Clodagh

That’s right.

William

So presumably you have an address for him.

Clodagh

Yeah. He works in the launderette next door.

William

In Old Compton Street. Right, here’s what’s going to happen. In a few hours time you’re going to have a lot of Press assembling outside your establishment, rather keen to find out more about your brother.

Clodagh

Go on. What’s that got to do with us?

William

I want you to make your brother’s colourful life sound even more colourful. As sordid as you like. Now that shouldn’t be too hard should it?

Clodagh

And what’s in it for us?

William

Trust me. People will pay a lot for your story. I’ll make sure of that. Now enjoy your moment in the sun.

(He hangs up. Lights go down on Clodagh and Dana.)

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67



Tea, get in here.



(Sasha enters.)

Sasha

Yes, William. What was all that about?

William

That, my dear Tea, was what you call an opportunity. A great big mincing opportunity.

Music No. 12 – THE TAIL THAT WAGS THE DOG William

Get me a car.

Sasha

Where are we going?

William

Bellingham Industries.



(Sasha re-enters with William’s coat.)

William THE POLITICS OF POLITICS BEHOLD “THE PEOPLE’S CHOICE” HE MAY BE MUSIC TO THEIR EARS BUT I’M HIS MASTER’S VOICE THE DASHING POLITICIAN LET EVERYONE RAISE A GLASS I KNOCK THEM INTO SHAPE I MOULD THEM TILL THEY FIT I PLUMP THE CUSHIONS ON THE SEAT WHERE I’D PREFER TO SIT I PULL THE STRINGS AND CALL THE SHOTS I GROOM THEM FOR THE THRONE I’M THE TAIL THAT WAGS THE DOG BUT IT’S THE DOG THAT GETS THE BONE HE SEEMED THE PERFECT PACKAGE BUT TOO BAD HE HAD A FLAW IT ONLY TAKES ONE WEAKNESS AND THE PRESS WILL PICK IT RAW

68

Act Two

WE NEED A STRONG SUCCESSOR DOES ANYONE SPRING TO MIND? THE MONKEY’S ON THE SCRAP HEAP WATCH THE ORGAN GRINDER GRIND I KNOCK THEM INTO SHAPE Sasha YOU KNOCK THEM INTO SHAPE William I MOULD THEM TILL THEY FIT Sasha YOU MOULD THEM TILL THEY FIT William I PLUMP THE CUSHIONS ON THE SEAT Sasha WHERE YOU’D PREFER TO SIT William I PULL THE STRINGS AND CALL THE SHOTS I GROOM THEM FOR THE THRONE I’M THE TAIL THAT WAGS THE DOG Both YET IT’S THE DOG THAT GETS THE BONE William (with Ensemble oohs.) IT MAKES YOU ASK WHAT WAS IT THAT LED HIM TO BE UNTRUE IT SEEMS THAT EVERY CLOSET HOLDS A SKELETON OR TWO NOW WE LOSE OUR DEPOSIT IF WE DON’T FIND SOMEONE NEW I’M THRILLED TO BITS THE SLIPPER FITS STAND BACK I’M COMING THROUGH (They burst into Lord Bellingham’s office at Bellingham Industries.)

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William

69

Oh George, you have been a naughty little Lord, haven’t you?

Lord Bellingham What? William

“Lord Bellingham and rent boy lover in political fundraiser”. Now only a fool would bet the markets but I’ll take my chance that Bellingham Industries shares will go down.

Lord Bellingham I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. William

Your little friend, Robbie?

Lord Bellingham Rent boy? I’ve never paid him for . . . William

What did you pay him for, exactly? (There’s no answer.) Now I’m assuming you’d prefer to keep your private life out of the press.

Lord Bellingham Go on. William

In an hour this story will leak. However, it all depends which story we’d like to tell. My version is that sicko James Prince arrogantly invited his fiancée and gay boy lover to the same fundraising event. Worse than that he did so in your good offices. Of course, there is another version of the tale which involves the chief executive of a multi-national . . .

Lord Bellingham I get it, I get it. How much? William

I’m sorry?

Lord Bellingham How much to keep me out of it? William

I’d say a hundred thousand should do it.

Lord Bellingham You must be mad. Get out! William

It’s not for me. It’s for my campaign . . . to become London Mayor.

Lord Bellingham Your what?

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70

William

Prince won’t survive this. I have the credentials, I know the system. You’ll find me a very loyal servant in City Hall. And we have two days before nominations close.

Lord Bellingham (Thinking hard.) What do I need to do? William

The bank transfer. I’ll do the rest.

Lord Bellingham Don’t screw this up, William. I mean it. William (As he exits.) George, you can trust me. STAND BACK I’M COMING THROUGH (Instrumental as time is passing. William holds centre stage as he summons a number of Newspaper Editors. Another snap of his fingers and a photo of Robbie is distributed amongst them. The editors in turn dispatch their Photographers to the strip club, where they wait for their prey.) I KNOCK THEM INTO SHAPE I MOULD THEM TILL THEY FIT I PLUMP THE CUSHIONS ON THE SEAT WHERE I’D PREFER TO SIT I PULL THE STRINGS AND CALL THE SHOTS I GROOM THEM FOR THE THRONE I’M THE TAIL THAT WAGS THE DOG YET IT’S THE DOG THAT GETS THE YET IT’S THE DOG THAT GETS THE YES IT’S THE DOG THAT GETS THE BONE Ensemble KNOCK THEM INTO SHAPE MOULD THEM TILL THEY FIT PLUMP THE CUSHIONS AND SIT PULL THE STRINGS CALL THE SHOTS GROOM THEM FOR THE THRONE OOOH DOG GONE, DOG GONE

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71

DOG GONE, DOG GONE AHHH DOG THAT GETS THE BONE

(William howls, not unlike a dog, with delight.)

SCENE 4 – Inside the launderette Velcro is sending a text. Narrator

Back at the launderette Velcro is blissfully unaware of the calamitous events of the previous evening, apart from the fact that her best friend dropped his phone.

Velcro (To the Customer.) Are you all done I want to close up. Customer

Yeah, all finished.

(The Customer opens to door of the launderette to leave as Marilyn walks in. The Customer exits.) Velcro (Without turning around.) Sorry love, we’re closed. Marilyn

It’s Velcro, right?

Velcro

Oh God. It really is you. I didn’t make the connection till I . . . I thought you said . . .

Marilyn

I changed my mind. I don’t know why. I suppose everyone has a morbid fascination with a car crash.

Velcro

What? How did you find me?

Marilyn

Our campaign manager said he worked here.

Velcro

Oh, so have you brought Robbie’s phone. Where is he? Is he alright?

Marilyn

I don’t where he is. And I don’t know if he’s alright. What I do know is that he is having an affair with my fiancée.

Act Two

72

Velcro

Look, I don’t know what to say. I only found out myself a few days ago and I told him . . .

(Marilyn sits on a bench.)

. . . are you okay? Can I get you some water?

Marilyn

Velcro’s a strange name.

Velcro

Well, it’s Sonia really. Everyone calls me Velcro because of my frizzy hair.

Marilyn Sonia. Velcro

His phone?

Marilyn

He’s a good man. James. Always puts everyone else first. Well, nearly always. I’ve never met anyone like him. He’s worked hard for this. We all have.

Velcro

You never had an inkling he was gay?

Marilyn

I’ve known all along that James was gay – or at least bisexual. Oh yes, it may surprise you but we have . . . had . . . a sex life. I believe they call it a “mixed orientation relationship”.

Velcro Really? Marilyn

Back at University it wasn’t exactly a secret that James had an eye for the boys.

Velcro

But if you knew he was gay how come you got together?

Marilyn

It was years later. We were like best friends. He asked me to marry him. I was as surprised as everyone else. By then his swimming career was over and he’d moved back into politics. I thought it was just ’a convenience’ – a nice cosy package for the voters – so I turned him down.

Velcro

What changed?

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73

Marilyn

About six months later he asked me again. I’d had more time to think about it and . . . well, at 38 the clock starts ticking a bit faster, so I thought "Well, what have I got to lose?”

Velcro

You poor thing.

Marilyn

Don’t pity me. I knew what I was getting into, I went in with my eyes open.

Velcro

So did you think you could change him?

Marilyn

I needed someone, Sonia, and maybe the need became greater than the ’someone’. We were both using each other in a way.

Velcro

But what about love? Wasn’t that important to you?

Marilyn

Love? I got so used to the facade that somewhere along the line I actually started to believe the fairytale myself, and then, before I knew what was happening, I accidentally fell in love with him. Pathetic, isn’t it?

Velcro

I fell in love with Robbie almost as soon as I met him – but I knew that was never going to happen. He was out and screaming for Britain.

Marilyn

Robbie. Strange how someone you’ve never met can bring your whole world crashing down.

Velcro

Yeah well. The gay thing hasn’t stopped him being my best friend. We’re like brother and sister . . . well, more like sister and sister really. But you shouldn’t compromise yourself . . . thirty-eight isn’t that old.

Marilyn Thanks! Velcro

I mean you’re not over the hill.

Marilyn

If you dig that hole any bigger we’ll have to get the Council out to close the road.

Act Two

74

Velcro

You know what I mean. My Mum was forty-three when she had me. You just need to find the right guy – someone who’s really going to make you happy. Not ’a convenience’.

Marilyn

You’ve got a wise head on those young shoulders.

Velcro

Up here for thinking, down there for dancing.

Marilyn (Touching her heart.) And in here for hurting. Velcro (Wistfully.) Yes, in here for hurting – it gets better though, if you let it. Music No. 13 – LET HIM GO Velcro THE ONLY WAY TO FREE YOURSELF LET HIM GO IT DOESN’T MEAN YOU LOVE HIM LESS LET HIM GO TO HOLD ON TO A FANTASY WILL HURT YOU IN THE END LET HIM GO AND GAIN A CLOSER FRIEND I DON’T SAY IT’S EASY THOUGH IF YOU WANT TO LET HIM KNOW HOW MUCH YOU REALLY LOVE HIM LET HIM GO Marilyn I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M HOLDING ON LET HIM GO FOR IN MY HEART I’VE ALWAYS KNOWN LET HIM GO THE HARDEST PART OF LOVING HIM IS KNOWING IT MUST END LET HIM GO WHY SETTLE FOR PRETEND IF I TRY TO TELL HIM SO TELL TALE SIGNS MAY START TO SHOW HOW MUCH I REALLY LOVE HIM LET HIM GO

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75

Velcro DON’T STAY SHUT AWAY WITH ALL THOSE "MIGHT HAVE BEENS" OPEN DOORS TO "WHAT MAY BE" INSTEAD Marilyn THAT’S THE LIGHT THAT GUIDES US THROUGH THE CHANGE OF SCENES THOSE "IN BETWEENS" WE DREAD (Instrumental line.) LET HIM GO Velcro LET HIM GO (Instrumental line.) Both LET HIM GO TO HOLD ON TO A FANTASY WILL HURT YOU IN THE END LET HIM GO AND GAIN A CLOSER FRIEND Velcro THOUGH THE HEALING MAY BE SLOW WHEN WE GROW APART – Both WE GROW HE’LL KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM (Instrumental line.) SHOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM LET HIM GO . . . LET HIM GO

(Robbie runs in breathlessly and starts to grab some of his belongings. He does not see Marilyn. He is wearing the same clothes from the night before.)

Act Two

76

Robbie

Cro. Cro. You won’t believe the night I’ve had. I’ve gotta get away. Gotta get out of here. I wanted to call but I . . .

Marilyn

Dropped your phone?



(Robbie turns around.)

Velcro

Robbie this is . . .

Robbie

I know. (Acknowledging her cautiously.) Marilyn.

Marilyn

Well this is slightly awkward wouldn’t you say?

Robbie

Look I could say I’m sorry about this whole mess but . . .

Marilyn

Well are you?

Robbie What? Marilyn Sorry. Robbie

Yes. For both of us. I didn’t think it would end like this. I hoped . . .

Marilyn

What, did you hope . . . Robbie?

Robbie

I don’t know. That somehow he and I . . . it would be different.

Marilyn

Maybe if you’d chosen someone less attached.

Velcro

That’s exactly what I said.

Robbie

Not helpful, Cro. (To Marilyn.) You’re right. But I didn’t know. Not about you. Not at first. He pursued me. I was flattered. And then . . . you can’t help who you fall in love with.

Marilyn

I know exactly what you mean. For what it’s worth I don’t blame you. I guess a part of me was always prepared for this and . . . perhaps I’d armed myself without knowing it.

Robbie

I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. (Grabbing the urn containing his mother’s ashes.) Look, I’ve got to get away.

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77

Velcro Where? Robbie

Margate. My aunt’s there. And anyway it’s where Mum wanted to have her ashes scattered.

Velcro

For how long?

Robbie

Probably for good. I don’t have anything to stay here for.

Velcro

What do you mean?

Robbie

I’ve lost Mum’s flat and I can’t stay at yours forever, it’s not fair on Becky. My stepsisters are screwing me for money I haven’t got, and when Les gets out of prison he’s gonna steal the only thing I have got – this place.

Velcro

You’ve still got me, you twonk.

Robbie

Cro, after what happened last night! The story will be all over the papers and I’ll be painted as the villain. The rent boy. I’m not hanging around for that.

Velcro

Well, what about me?

Robbie

I’ll call you. I’ll think of something.



(Robbie is ready to leave.)



Marilyn. I’m glad to have had this chance to meet you face to face. Really I am. I only wish it wasn’t like this.

Marilyn

I appreciate that.

Velcro

So you’ll call me, right?

Robbie

I said I’ll call you.

Marilyn

You may be needing this.

(She hands Robbie his phone. Robbie moves to Velcro to kiss her goodbye.)

Act Two

78

Robbie

Thank you. Cro, I love you. So much.



(Robbie exits. Marilyn picks up her bag to go as well.)

Marilyn

Not what I expected at all.

Velcro

They’re not all mincing around screaming about equality you know. (She sits.) I can’t believe it. He’s lost everything. Why couldn’t she have written a bloody Will. I mean I know she had dementia but that’s mental.

Marilyn Who? Velcro

His Mum. She got Alzheimers and died and Les and his stepsisters are getting everything. She wouldn’t have wanted that.

Marilyn

Look I don’t mean to intrude, but, in my experience one of the first things people do when they find out they have a terminal illness is they make a Will.

Velcro

Really, well they told Robbie she didn’t.

Marilyn

Who did?

Velcro

I don’t know. His stepdad’s solicitor or someone.

Marilyn

I wonder where he looked. It’s easy enough to check these things.

Velcro Really? Marilyn

Look, take my card and call me if you wish to pursue it.



(Velcro takes the card and looks pensive.)



Are you okay?

Velcro

I will be.

Marilyn

I know you will be. Thanks.

Soho Cinders

Velcro

For what?

Marilyn

For being . . . kind.

Velcro

I didn’t do anything.

Marilyn

You did a lot. Goodbye, Sonia.

Music No. 13a – WISHING FOR THE NORMAL – REPRISE

(Marilyn exits. Velcro looks around the launderette clutching Marilyn’s card.)

Velcro WISHING WISHING HOPING FOR THE HUMDRUM IS THAT AIMING HIGH OTHERS SEEM TO FIND IT TELL ME WHY OH WHY OH WHY CAN’T I

SCENE FIVE – Campaign Headquarters Narrator

James is sitting in William’s office as he flicks through tomorrow’s headlines. “Prince puts up the rent.”

William

The Sun.

Narrator

“The Prince and the Prossy.”

William

The Mirror. Quite low brow that, don’t you think?

Narrator

Oh and yes . . . ”Prince is a queen.”

William

Daily Sport. That’s offensive even by their standards.

James

I get the feeling you are enjoying this. They certainly didn’t waste time.

79

Act Two

80

William

Well your little boyfriend didn’t exactly hold back telling the world everything he knew. Real class. You certainly can pick them.

James

I told you I didn’t know. He didn’t tell me.

William

And you? You’ve kept some things from me which I feel would have been helpful to know. Unfair?



(James stays silent.)



I can control the image, James. I can’t control the man.

James

So what now?

William

Well, I know when the horse I’m flogging is a dead one and this is over for you. You can’t recover and if you think you can, you will have to run for mayor without my help.

James

To the point as always, William.

William

Your complicated little tryst has seen the majority of your campaign funding vanish. Poof. If you’ll pardon the pun.

James Charming. William

Lord Bellingham put an end to the finances straight away. He has intimated he is prepared to back another candidate.

James Who? William

Well he has asked me if I would be prepared to consider . . .

James

Oh spare me. In fact, spare London. You haven’t got a public spirited bone in your body.

William

Well if you don’t like me you can always vote for the other guy.

James

You have got to be kidding. This has got to be a joke.

William

No joke James. I’m thinking about it.



(William gets up to exit.)

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81



I’ve read the speech you prepared. No offence James, it’s a C- minus. I think my version will play out better. You could just slink off into the night but I wouldn’t advise it. Have a think about it.



(William throws James an envelope with a speech in it and exits. James picks up his phone to dial. Robbie appears in a spotlight. His phone rings, which he answers.)

Robbie Hello. James

Robbie, it’s James. Where are you?

Robbie

Going away.

James

I just want to know why? Why would you speak to the press, Robbie?

Robbie

What? The question speaks volumes. Goodbye, James.



(Robbie puts the phone down. The spotlight fades.)

James Shit.

(Marilyn enters William’s office.)

Marilyn

William told me you were in here.

James

He thinks it’s all over.

Marilyn

Campaign or us?

James

Campaign but let’s talk about us.



(Marilyn takes off her engagement ring and places it on the table.)

Marilyn

I just want to ask you one thing, James. What changed?

James (A moment of realisation.) Nothing changed. I thought it could. I thought I could.

Act Two

82

Music No. 13b – REMEMBER US – REPRISE James NOTHING’S BLACK AND WHITE THIS IS NOT A FIGHT YOU CAN WIN ON A VOTE LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL WHEN YOU FALL YOU FALL THERE IS NO ANTIDOTE I THOUGHT I COULD CHANGE . . . Marilyn

We both did. We both wanted to believe it. It wasn’t just you.

Marilyn REMEMBER WHEN YOU POPPED THE QUESTION – NEW YEAR’S EVE James GOD, WHAT A MESS! Marilyn REMEMBER THEN I CALLED YOU CRAZY, SO NAIVE James THEN YOU SAID YES BUT WHEN YOU’RE YOUNG Marilyn RELATIVELY YOUNG Both YOU THINK THE DREAM WILL LAST . . . UNTIL . . . Marilyn

You finally wake up.

James I LOVE YOU STILL Marilyn

I know you do. But you will never love me completely. And I don’t want to fight a battle I can’t win.

James

Marilyn, please. I want you to be part of my life.

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83

Marilyn

I want all of you, not just a part.

James

I’m scared. That sounded very final.

Marilyn

It is, James.

James

I don’t know what to do. I mean what now?

Marilyn

Honesty. With the voters but more importantly with yourself. You can’t go wrong with honest. Remember?



(Marilyn exits.)

SCENE SIX – Outside Glam-Amour Clodagh and Dana are in the doorway enjoying the limelight, they are surrounded by paparazzi. Narrator

At William’s direction, the press are now camped out in Soho, across the street from Glam-Amour. Clodagh and Dana are rather enjoying the attention.

Photographer 1

Over here, darling.

Photographer 2

Clodagh, this way. Straight into the camera, love.

Photographer 3

Where’s Robbie?

Dana

He’s not here.

Photographer 1

Yeah, let’s get a shot with your little brother.

Clodagh

We’ve told you all you need to know about him . . . now, what do you think of these puppies?

Photographer 2

That’s lovely. And another one together. Smashing.

Dana

You wanna a bit of girl on girl?

Clodagh (Aside.) I think . . . I think our talent has finally been recognised.

Act Two

84

Dana

Our what?

Music No. 14 – FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME Clodagh SOMEONE FAMOUS HE ONCE SAID I DON’T RECALL HIS NAME EVERYONE’S ENTITLED TO THEIR FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME Dana WELL THIS LOOKS LIKE OUR MOMENT LET THE TABLOIDS HUE AND CRY WE’VE GOT OUR FIFTEEN MINUTES NOW LET’S BLEED ’EM TILL THEY’RE DRY Clodagh WE WANT OUR FIFTEEN MINUTES WE’VE EARNED OUR FIFTEEN MINUTES BRING ON OUR FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME Dana BEWARE THE CLOCK IS TICKING WE’RE READY FOR THE PICKING AT LAST THE MUD IS STICKING TO OUR NAME Clodagh WE’RE GONNA SELL OUR STORY Dana THE DETAILS MAYBE GORY Clodagh WE’LL HAVE A TASTE OF GLORY ALL THE SAME Both HELLO IT’S FIFTEEN MINUTES OUR NEW LIFE CAN BEGIN IT’S TIME FOR OUR FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME

Soho Cinders

Dana WE’LL BECOME CELEBRITIES THE DARLINGS OF THE PRESS Clodagh CAST US IN A PANTOMIME WE’LL BE A ROARING SUCCESS Dana BRING OUT A RANGE OF CLOTHING Clodagh AND A PERFUME’S SURE TO SELL Dana THEN WRITE OUR OWN BIOGRAPHY Clodagh A SHAME THAT YOU CAN’T SPELL Both (with Ensemble Oohs) WE WANT OUR FIFTEEN MINUTES WE CRAVE OUR FIFTEEN MINUTES WE’LL FILL OUR FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME Clodagh THE PRESS ARE IN OUR POCKET Dana OUR BANK ACCOUNTS WILL ROCKET Clodagh IT’S CHEAP BUT WHO CAN KNOCK IT Both IT’S A GAME Ensemble GAME! Dana OUR LIFE WAS DOWN THE TOILET A SCANDAL SHOULDN’T SPOIL IT

85

86

Act Two

Clodagh WE’RE GONNA SUSAN BOYLE-IT THAT’S OUR AIM Both (with Ensemble Oohs) WASSUP WITH FIFTEEN MINUTES IT’S SO NOT US TO WIN IT’S TIME FOR OUR FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME (Instrumental.) Dana BIG BROTHER FIFTEEN MINUTES Clodagh KATONA FIFTEEN MINUTES Dana X FACTOR FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME Clodagh STEVE BROOKSTEIN FIFTEEN MINUTES Dana APPRENTICE FIFTEEN MINUTES Clodagh LEWINSKY FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME Dana MATT CARDLE FIFTEEN MINUTES Clodagh AND TOWIE FIFTEEN MINUTES Dana PLEASE JEDWARD FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME Both & Ensemble WE WANT OUR FIFTEEN MINUTES Clodagh GODAMMIT FIFTEEN MINUTES

Soho Cinders

87

Dana SWEET JESUS FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME Both (with Ensemble) WE’D SAY FAREWELL TO VICES GO WHERE CHAMPAGNE ON ICE IS BUY TITS LIKE KATIE PRICE’S – WE’VE NO SHAME SINCE FAME AND FORTUNE’S BECKONED WE’RE GONNA SEIZE EACH SECOND IT’S NOT WHAT WE’D HAVE RECKONED STILL WE CLAIM OUR PRECIOUS FIFTEEN MINUTES OUR STORY MAY BE THIN IT’S TIME FOR OUR FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME (The Photographers have started to lose interest and disperse.) GUESS THAT’S OUR FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME (By the time the song ends the two girls are alone. Abandoned. Yesterday’s news.) Clodagh

Come on Sis, my G-string needs a rinse.

(On the applause, we transition to . . . )

SCENE SEVEN – Press Conference James is standing at a podium about to address the assembled press. William and Sasha are standing close by. James is reading from a prepared sheet. James

Ladies and Gentlemen, today I am withdrawing from the race to be the next London Mayor. I have not acted in a way which would meet the high demands of public office. Indeed I have betrayed . . . I have betrayed . . .



(James pauses.)



I have betrayed . . .

William (From the side of the stage.) Go on, James. Go on.

88

Act Two



(James puts down his prepared speech.)

James

It’s funny. Do you know, I didn’t even write this resignation speech? Someone else decided what the acceptable wording for the media would be. It’s been that way the whole campaign. Ultimately all the voters get is an image. Not the real person. Not me. Just a media tested image. When I was a swimmer it was simple. Me and the water. Train hard. Do your best to win. I liked the simplicity. When I entered politics I thought, work hard, be honest, be yourself and those that like you will vote for you. If you are lucky that may even be a majority. Naïve. Extremely naïve. I miss the water. I miss the simplicity. The political process won’t allow for that. Ladies and gentlemen, tomorrow the papers will announce that I had an affair with another man. It is not as they will claim it to be, but then it never is, is it? Personally I can’t see why anyone would be remotely interested in my private life. However . . . Before I leave, I must publicly do one thing. And that is to say thank you to the one person who has stood by me and even today puts my feelings before their own.

(William takes a move towards the podium, thinking James might be about to thank him.) James

Marilyn. My apology is futile but necessary and heartfelt. Without you . . . without you . . .

(For the first time we see James slightly let his emotion get the better of him.)

Without you . . . hope London finds a mayor worthy of what I believe to be the greatest city in the world.

(The press conference breaks down as James leaves the podium, closely pursued by William.) William

What the hell was that?

James

That was me, William. My voice. I didn’t expect you to recognise it or like it. But there it was.

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89

William Pathetic. James

What’s pathetic, William? Has the puppet master lost his puppet? You can always shove your hand up your own arse.

William

You’re a loser James. You always were.

James

Funny. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m winning.



(William exits.)



(James is left alone on stage and Marilyn enters.)

Music No. 15 – FINALE Marilyn

Best speech you ever made.

James

You think so? Look, Marilyn . . .

Marilyn

I know. But no matter how sorry you are, it doesn’t change “us”.

James

So what now?

Marilyn DON’T STAY SHUT AWAY WITH ALL THOSE “MIGHT HAVE BEENS” OPEN DOORS TO “WHAT MAY BE” INSTEAD THAT’S THE LIGHT THAT GUIDES US THROUGH THE CHANGE OF SCENES THOSE “IN-BETWEENS” WE DREAD James

I’ve got to get away. Avoid the press for a while. They’ve still only got Robbie’s side of the story.

Marilyn

Not Robbie’s. I suspect it is William’s side of the story.

James

But Robbie . . .

Marilyn

. . . is doing exactly what you’re doing. Avoiding the Press. He hasn’t spoken to them. He’s catching a train out of here from London Bridge.



(James exits leaving Marilyn alone.)

Act Two

90



Good luck, James.

(Music continues as we transition to . . . )

SCENE EIGHT – London Bridge Station The sound of a busy station, muffled announcements give out the times of train departures and platform numbers. Robbie is sitting on a bench. Narrator

The 14.18 train to Margate will be departing from platform five, calling at Orpington, Sevenoaks, Tonbridge, Paddock Wood, Marden . . . (List of station names fades away under.)

Robbie WISHING FOR THE NORMAL KIND OF DREAM TROUBLE IS THEY’RE HARDER THAN THEY SEEM AM I TOO AMBITIOUS? AM I OUT OF TOUCH? AM I WISHING FOR TOO MUCH? Narrator

. . . Minster, Ramsgate, Dumpton Park, Broadstairs, and Margate.



(James Prince enters.)

James DOESN’T IT SEEM STRANGE MEETING IN THIS PLACE GYPSIES OF THE ETHER WANDERERS IN SPACE . . . Robbie

Are you sure about this? Are you sure it’s what you really want?

James YOU ARE MY INTIMATE STRANGER YOU ARE MY FAR AWAY FRIEND . . . (As the music swells, they kiss.) Robbie

But because of me you had give it all up.

Soho Cinders

James

91

No, Robbie, it was because of me. Look, what I want is normal.

GOING TO A NIGHT CLUB Robbie CINEMAS AND SUCH James EATING IN NICE RESTAURANTS Robbie HAPPY TO GO DUTCH James AM I TOO AMBITIOUS? AM I OUT OF TOUCH? . . . Robbie

I don’t think so.

(They turn to find their platform as Velcro runs in (or enters on Sidesaddle’s rickshaw).) Velcro

Robbie! Robbie! Wait!

Robbie

Cro! What are you doing here?

Velcro

I spoke with Marilyn.

James Marilyn? Velcro (Sheepish.) Yeah, you know . . . well of course you know. Robbie Velcro! Velcro

Sorry! (Pulls a face as if to say “stupid me.”) She told me about these websites. Anyone can trace a Will.

Robbie

There is no Will.

Velcro

No, no you were told there’s no Will. By Les’ solicitor.

Robbie (The penny drops.) Of course I was.

Act Two

92

Velcro

Exactly. Well guess what. You’re the sole Benny . . . you’re the sole Bennyfish . . . Oh, it’s all yours, here y’are. (Hands him an envelope.)

Robbie

(Reading it.) Oh my God! Thank you Mum. You didn’t let me down.

James

I don’t believe it . . .

Velcro

No, it’s true.

James

I mean that. Look . . .

Narrator

James has spotted the live news screen on the station platform which is flashing up a breaking news story . . . ”William George forced to stand down after assistant Sasha Larkin alleges sexual harassment in the workplace.”

James

Good on you, Sasha. About time too.

Robbie

Well, see you in a bit. When this has all blown over.

Velcro

Talking of blowing over, have you told him?

James

Told me what?

Velcro

Where he’s scattering the ashes.

Robbie

Margate Pleasureland was her favourite place. What’s wrong with that?

Velcro

Yes, but not on top of the bloody log flume!

Robbie, James & Velcro WISHING WISHING HOPING FOR THE HUMDRUM – IS THAT AIMING HIGH? OTHERS SEEM TO FIND IT TELL ME WHY OH WHY OH WHY CAN’T I?

(Velcro waves them off and as she backs away she bumps into a Stranger who holds a polythene bag containing a live goldfish.)

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93

Stranger & Velcro (Awkwardly, at the same time.) Oh, I’m sorry. No it was me. Stranger

Stupid question. Do you know anything about goldfish? I just won this at the funfair. Throwing ping pong balls into jam jars.

Velcro (Checking him up and down.) No . . . no, I . . . (Stranger starts to leave . . . ) Velcro JUST IMAGINE OWNING A GOLDFISH . . .

Wait . . . !

(As a final image a photograph descends of James and Robbie on the top of a log flume holding an open urn and covered in ash.) (Curtain.) Music No. 16 – BOWS Sidesaddle COME ON GUYS! ENOUGH HESITATING CAN’T YOU SEE YOUR CARRIAGE IS WAITING NOW All YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL CINDERELLA I’LL TAKE YOU FOR A RIDE YES, YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL, LUCKY FELLA YOUR CARRIAGE WAITS JUST STEP INSIDE Sidesaddle WELL I CAN’T DO TRICKS WITH PUMPKINS NOR NO HORSES FROM WHITE MICE BUT WHO NEEDS VEG AND VERMIN WHEN YOU’VE GOT ME FOR HALF PRICE All (Except Sidesaddle.) WELL I CAN’T DO TRICKS WITH PUMPKINS OOH, HORSES FROM WHITE MICE WHEN YOU’VE GOT SIDESADDLE FOR HALF PRICE

All YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL, CINDERELLA GO FOR A NIGHT OF GLITZ YES, YOU SHALL GO TO THE BALL, CINDERELLA AND MINGLE WITH THOSE POMPOUS GITS AND GET COMPLETELY OFF YOUR TITS AND SEE IF THE GLASS SLIPPER FITS Music No. 17 – PLAYOUT

SOHO CINDERS

an urban musical fable Music by Lyrics by Book by

GEORGE STILES

ANTHONY DREWE

ANTHONY DREWE and ELLIOT DAVIS

VOCAL BOOK

Josef Weinberger

SOHO CINDERS © Copyright 2015 by George Stiles, Anthony Drewe and Elliot Davis Edition © Copyright 2015 by Josef Weinberger Ltd., London All Rights Reserved PHOTOCOPYING THIS COPYRIGHT MATERIAL IS ILLEGAL

Applications to perform this work must be made, BEFORE REHEARSALS COMMENCE, to: JOSEF WEINBERGER LIMITED 12 - 14 Mortimer Street London W1T 3JJ United Kingdom Tel: +44 (0)20 7580 2827 Fax: +44 (0)20 7436 9616 www.josef-weinberger.com

This edition: June 2015

Musical Numbers

ACT ONE

1.

Old Compton Street (Velcro, Robbie, Clodagh & Dana, Ensemble)................ 1

2.

Wishing For The Normal (Velcro, Robbie)..................................................... 9

2a.

Wishing For The Normal – Scene Change (Instrumental)............................. 15

3.

Spin (James, William, Sasha, Ensemble)...................................................... 16

4.

Gypsies Of The Ether (Robbie, James)......................................................... 24

4a.

Gypsies Of The Ether – Tag (James, Robbie)................................................ 27

5.

I'm So Over Men (Dana, Clodagh)............................................................. 28

5a.

I'm So Over Men – Reprise (Dana, Clodagh).............................................. 33

6.

Remember Us (Marilyn, James).................................................................. 34

6a.

Old Compton Street – Reprise (Lord Bellingham)........................................ 38

7.

It's Hard To Tell (Velcro, Robbie, Ensemble)................................................ 40

7a.

It's Hard To Tell – Fade (Instrumental)......................................................... 46

8.

You Shall Go To The Ball (Velcro, Sidesaddle, Dana, Clodagh,



Lord Bellingham, Robbie, Marilyn, William, James, Ensemble)..................... 47



ACT TWO

9.

Entr'acte (Ensemble).................................................................................. 53

10.

Who's That Boy? (Ensemble, William, Clodagh, Dana, Marilyn)................... 55

11.

Glass Slippers (Robbie).............................................................................. 63

11a.

Spin – Reprise (Marilyn)............................................................................. 65

11b.

Underscore into The Tail That Wags (Instrumental)...................................... 66

12.

The Tail That Wags The Dog (William, Sasha, Ensemble).............................. 67

13.

Let Him Go (Velcro, Marilyn)..................................................................... 74

13a.

Wishing For The Normal – Reprise (Velcro)................................................. 77

13b.

Remember Us – Reprise (James, Marilyn)................................................... 78

14.

Fifteen Minutes (Clodagh, Dana, Ensemble)............................................... 80

15.

Finale (Marilyn, Robbie, James, Velcro)....................................................... 85

16.

Bows (Company)....................................................................................... 91

17.

Playout (Instrumental)................................................................................ 94

VOCAL BOOK

SOHO CINDERS No.1

Old Compton Street

Lyrics by

Anthony Drewe

NARRATOR: Old Compton Street, Soho. That promiscuous potpourri. That metropolitan munificence. That glittering back passage.

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It's 7pm on a fairly ordinary Spring evening. Theatregoers rub shoulders with prostitutes. Local businessmen, on their way home, are having one last drink . . .

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. . . as they collide with a younger crowd arriving for their first. VELCRO, a young single Mum, is making her way to get back to the launderette where she works.

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© Copyright 2012 by Soho Cinders Ltd. PHOTOCOPYING THIS COPYRIGHT MATERIAL IS ILLEGAL

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LORD BELLINGHAM kisses ROBBIE on the cheek. ROBBIE make his way towards the launderette. LORD BELLINGHAM (Under his breath): Oh, Robbie.

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

CLODAGH and DANA start throwing ROBBIE's possessions out of the window.

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ROBBIE: Hey, hey . . . what are you doing?

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(1st x) CLODAGH: Heads! She drops a cardboard box. ROBBIE: That's my stuff. ROBBIE starts searching in the box. (2nd x) DANA: And that's not all. When Dad get's out of prison he wants the launderette back too.

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No. 2

Wishing For The Normal CUE: ROBBIE: I just want to wake up beside the same man for the next thirty years.

VELCRO: . . . So do I. Someone to tell me I'm doing alright. ROBBIE: Someone to tell me when I'm being a twat. VELCRO: You're being a twat. ROBBIE: Yeah, but not you. VELCRO: I've never wanted a lot. Just my own special someone. And a father for Becky.

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10

#œ œ & J ‹ Noth - ing

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° # j & œ œ 61

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12

## &##

93

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131

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127



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VELCRO: By the lions! What is he a zoo keeper? ROBBIE 'Cro, Leave it.

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99

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° #œ &

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

14

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° bb b & b w 189

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No. 2a

Wishing For The Normal — Scene Change TACET

-

16

No. 3

Spin CUE: JAMES: That poster slogan reflects how I want to run London. With honesty.

4

WILLIAM: James . . .

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&b œ ‹ what

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18

° bŒ & 61

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27

No. 4a

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nœ. œ.

es

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ff

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˙˙..

∑

28

No. 5

I'm So Over Men CUE: DANA: You're like a bowling ball you. CLODAGH: Bowling ball? DANA: Yeah, picked up, fingered, thrown back down the alley. CLODAGH: I tell you, I'm getting too old for this game. Too many disappointments. DANA: Maybe we should give 'em up altogether.

3

Bitterly q = 130

b 4 & b bb 4

Ó

DANA

mp

Œ



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5

bb &b b œ wish

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8

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a

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nic - or - ette

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slap

patch

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it

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how would

14

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b & b bb

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fill



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17

œ

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sud - den - ly

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pass

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in

the

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old

in

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bull

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in

my

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is



j œ

give

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wrong

j œ

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ter

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n ## j n nn # # œ



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on

men

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crap!

to nights

up

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lap

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Fare - well

are

al - ways

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love

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the

pull

Faster q = 154

# ## &#

25

of

Ó

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21

load

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me

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then?

night

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lands

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shits who

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11

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sum

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50

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56

to

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59

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find

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pants!

67

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men!

join

guys who don't

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go

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men



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63

j œ

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53

up

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wish

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back

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Bitterly q = 130

nnnnbb b b œ

CLODAGH

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your

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on

42

it

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29

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in

have

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so

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lo

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Faster q = 154

Œ

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72

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eer

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f

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j œ œ

with their

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crotch

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30

## &##œ

76

How

œ

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œ

I

dread

each

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79

know

j j ‰ œ œ

aren't

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91

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say

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2

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nnnn

CLODAGH: Ah, Robbie Shitty Shirtlifter - just in time. Service wash. Low temperature.

œ

w

œ

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œ

œ

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w

DANA Thats' quality schmutah, that is. Don't shrink it. ROBBIE picks up a G-string from the bag ROBBIE: I think somebody already did. CLODAGH: I don't know why Dad didn't just kick you out when your Mum died.

œ

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œ

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w

œ

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w

4

You're like a milestone around his neck. ROBBIE: It's millstone. And Les is no father of mine. CLODAGH: Whatever.

w

Point is you and the scrubber ain't got long. DANA: Basically . . . CLODAGH: At the end of the day . . .

w

˙.

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DANA: I'm not being funny . . . CLODAGH: Or nuffin . . .

DANA throws a thong at ROBBIE, who exits.

110

j œ #œ



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ov

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hope!

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up

Œ

& 103

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seat's

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They emerge on the pavement with their bag of laundry. ROBBIE approaches and they spot him. They thrust the laundry in his face.

Più mosso q = 164

œ

sign

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a

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89

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book 113

b & b bb œ œ œ bœ œ they had

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jab

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116

b & b bb

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it

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stab

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the

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137

fronts

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140

cans

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think

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143

it

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wash

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quick

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134

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131

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31

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men!

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

32

## &##w

146

w

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150

DANA

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172

j œ œ wife

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169

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A tempo q = 164

w w

j œ œ

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175

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CLODAGH

162

178

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∑

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33

I'm So Over Men (Reprise) CUE: CLODAGH & DANA: "Oh yes we will."

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have

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34

No. 6

Remember Us CUE: MARILYN: That bad.

MARILYN: But that was the deal. Remember?

# #6 

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JAMES: Yes, I do. It seems like a lifetime ago.

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With Movement q. = 65 MARILYN

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6

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64

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

° bb & 80

¢& ‹

∑

bb œ.

œ.

Still

I'm

° bb & œ. 85

hand

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bb œ.

hand

stuck on

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in

glove

your

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still

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love

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we

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go

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∑

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So

˙.

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seem

Œ.

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we

And

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b ˙. ¢& b ‹ in

œ.

∑

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in

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2

˙.

ma - ny

2

years

∑

∑

love

° bb & 99

∑

j j œ œ œ

Œ

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œ

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° bb & œ œ œ œ 103

eve - ry - thing''s

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you

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91

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b . ¢& b Œ ‹

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37

œ and

j œ a

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˙.

when you're



young



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tears

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plus

j œ

Re -

∑

˙.

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œ

œ when

you're

. nœ œ œ

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young

œ.

MARILYN: Now come to bed . . .

∑

mem - ber when?

Œ.

∑

‰ nœj



plus

Re -

JAMES: One more email and I'll be up. Promise. MARILYN: It's been a while.

∑

b . . ¢ & b bœ œ œ œ ‹ mem-ber then

Œ.

"

Slowly

œ œ œ

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œ

˙.

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A Tempo

˙. us

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us

˙. ˙.

Slower rall.

∑

U ∑

∑

U ∑

38

No. 6a

Old Compton Street (Reprise)

CUE: VELCRO: How much is there?

ROBBIE: I... dunno. You count it. VELCRO counts the money as ROBBIE reads the card. Elsewhere LORD BELLINGHAM appears in a spotlight. LORD BELLINGHAM

## 4Dark — brooding ∑q = 90 & 4 ‹ # & # bœ ‹ like

3

œ œ œ to

# & # bœ ‹ high

5

have

œ

œ

œ

time

our

re

œ

j œ œ œ

j œ

œ

you

here

with

I

think

-

la - tion

œ

œ

œ



one

needs

to

know

9

b & b bœ ‹ sor

j œ œ œ

œ -

œ - did

œ

œ bœ

lit - tle

me

œ

de - tails

j œ

ship

-

Be

j œ œ œ the



truth

œ -

Œ

œ œ œ we're

œ œ œ

came

far

less



œ

œ

The

way

in

which

j œ

nœ nœ œ œ

In

time

can

œ

œ

quite

j œ

we

mp



j œ

I'd

œ

7

b & b bœ ‹ no

Ó

˙

for - get

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well

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j œ

sui - ted

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ted

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œ

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met

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j œ The

rall.

Ó

nn##

No. 6a — Old Compton Street (Reprise)

# &# ‹

12

2

LORD B: Robbie, I hope I haven’t misjudged our situation, but the time we spend together is the highlight of any week.

# &# ‹ # &# ‹

2

A Tempo q = 90

14

16

39

2

LORD B: I’d like more of it and my hope is that you would too. I’m hosting an event tomorrow night at the office and I’d like you to join me.

2

LORD B: It’s a black tie affair and, as it will be a late night, I’d like you to stay over.

# &# ‹

18

nnbb

LORD B: I’ve taken the liberty of informing Prada in Sloane Street to expect you. It’s all on account. Just choose something nice. The enclosed is a little something for you.

20

b b˙ &b ‹

œ



œ

œ



œ

œ

œ

˙.



œ J

Slow q = 80 24

b &b ‹

œ

27

b &b Œ ‹

œ

œ

œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ

mf

b &b œ ‹ There

Œ

j œ œ œ œ

p

I

œ œ œ œ ‰ I

won't share you

œ œ œ œ œ œ

so

Poco Più mosso q = 90 30

LORD BELLINGHAM

œ

œ

are

ways

œ œ to

beat

w

I

think

a

change

rall.

Œ

can't bear you

œ œ œ œ

worth

œ Old

a

œ

try

œ

Comp - ton

œ œ œ œ

œ

Ó

on Old Comp - ton Street

rall.

j œ œ œ ≈ œR œ œ œ I

don't rent

what I

A Tempo q = 90

w Street

can

2

buy

rall.

40

No. 7

It's Hard To Tell CUE: VELCRO: Gay, straight, bi, married, gay-married, Arthur, Martha, Grindr, Tinder. It does me head in.

Freely q = 90

VERSE

VELCRO (cont'd): Now . . . take him for instance.

4 & b 4 ..

∑

Ó

VELCRO

Œ

j .. œ œ œ œ



3

To

5

&b œ

œ

œ œ.

3

œ

œ

œ

mit they're get - ting har - der

Œ

˙

to

me

3

œ.

it's quite clear



spot

He

œ

j œ

≈

j œ œ œ œ œ

œ

has

to

œ

be queer

œ

œ œ œ

œ

Un - less they're scream - ing

œ œ œ

But I'll ad -

"out

and

œ

proud"

Or

Dm RIFF 8

&b œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ sing- ing

show

tunes way

2

11

&b

too

Ó

loud

I

j &b œ œ

these

22

&b œ

Ev

26

&b œ

falls

30

-

j œ œ

Œ

days

hard

to

œ œ

˙.

to

the

œ

œ

So

-

ho

That

once

j œ œ œ œ

j œ œ

some

bar

in

where

œ

to

œ œ

to

tell

be

œ

-

Œ

twixt

˙.

the

œ

the

œ

œ

ho - mos

prin - ces

was

a

cli - ent

œ

œ

œ

gay

guys

from

œ from

œ œ

the

hets

˙

strict

-

what...

œ

œ

œ

the

gay

guys

from

œ

œ œ

from

the

queens

j œ

ly

-

œ

no

j œ

ele

mixed

the

that's

œ straight

Œ

œ

He's

the straight

Ó

Œ

œ

go

˙

Now

Œ

œ It's

j œ œ

j œ œ

these

œ

œ œ

˙

œ

-

j j œ œ œ

œ

Ó

œ

j œ œ œ œ

j œ œ

œ œ

With

œ

tell

˙.

Œ

œ

œ

Œ

œ

who's in - to

˙.

œ

tell

œ œ œ

tell

˙

hard

hard

hard

œ

'ry

say

œ œ

j œ

& b ˙. & b ˙.

to

j œ œ œ œ

2nd Dm CHORUS

34

it's

like

˙.

œ

˙.

œ

would - n't

1st Dm CHORUS

It's

17

œ œ œ œ œ œ.

Tempo q = 180

œ

days

It's

j œ œ œ œ

hot - ter

than

j œ

was - a -

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book 39

&b œ -

44

˙

œ œ

œ

bi

But does

he

Dm RIFF

&b œ

Œ

j œ œ

œ

love

Ken or

Bar

smoo

56

b &b œ Then

œ œ J

Œ

j œ œ œ œ in

con

He

œ is

65

b &b Ó ‹

ver

-

œ minc

Œ

sat

-

j œ

ing

more

œ

78

b &b œ ‹ fine

° bb Œ & 82

VELCRO

ROBBIE

b ¢& b ˙ . ‹ hard

it's

-

a

œ œ œJ œ

for

tea

and

œ

œ

It's

hard

Guc

for

-

not

œ œ œ œ œ

plac - ing

Comes

an

y

-

˙

-

va

j œ

œ

no

Œ

˙.

the

Which

bowls

œ œ

But

˙.

tell

˙.

for

which team

œ

œ

œ

œ

the

gay

guys

from

œ

œ

œ

œ

the

gay

guys

from

-

at

œ œ J

œ

the

gay

guys

from

œ

-

œ

˙

œ

œ

rough

œ J

en

does

œ œ

the

ov

œ œ œ J J

he

œ J

the straight

Ó Œ

er

-

˙

Œ j œ œ

œ œ

œ œ J

j œ œ

the straight

these

œ It's

bat?

these

œ

That's

j œ œ

straight

œ

œ

œ nœ

the

Œ

ion

-

œ

maid

j œ œ

œ.

œ

dia - monds from

a

j œ

2

œ œ œJ œ

œ

er

-

∑

œ œ

œ

rath

Ó

el

-

words

œ

chat

rev

his

tell

Œ

the

just

˙.

œ

birds

w

tell

œ œ œ

Act - ing

˙

œ

to

œ

ci

-

j œ œ

hard

Œ

j œ œ œ œ

œ

œ

to

œ œ J

œ

ing

-

Œ

œ

œ

tell

pull

˙.

œ œ

j œ œ

œ.

than

œ J

œ œ to

in

toe

j œ œ

hard

œ œ to

to

ion

˙.

œ

j œ œ œ œ Cas

œ.

1st Gm CHORUS

It's

play

œ

œ œ J

-

j œ œ -

œ

˙

I'm

œ œ œ

œ

type

œ.

ROBBIE

b j & b œJ œ œ œ ‹ these days b &b œ ‹ Both

the

j œ

69

74

œ œ œ

Seems

60

b &b œ

œ

chy

-

Well

VELCRO

Head

b & b œ.

˙

œ

bie?

-

bb œ

bets

51

Œ

œ

B flat major BRIDGE

3

Ó

j œ œ

41

Œ

days

days

œ

It's

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

42

° bb Œ & 86

¢& ‹

œ

œ

œ

It's

hard

to

bb ˙.

90

hard

b &b œ ‹ Some

ROBBIE

œ love

93

b &b œ ‹ -

100

œ

ROBBIE

° bb & 104

œ

œ

˙.

to

tell

tell

j œ

œ

top

-

less

Œ

Well

dis

-

œ

œ J

œ

œ.

co

bun

in

ev

œ

œ

œ

œ

the

one

in

ev

˙

-

Oth - ers

œ œ œ œ œ i - cal

° bb & ˙ 108

œ

œ.

he's

worth

œ

ny

Tans

œ J

ROBBIE

° bb & 112

œ.

squeeze

œ

a

fling

˙

'ry

ten

œ

œ

dream

of

Œ

when it's

ru -

˙

on

Abs

œ

œ.

not

sun

as

if

he's

œ œ J -

œ. worth

you

see

he

œ J

wears

œ œ J a

œ œ J

could

ny

j œ œ a

wed

-

w

ding

ring

bœ fling

∑

grate

∑ œ

Œ

∑

œ œ œJ œ you

slip -

3

Ó

œ

Œ

œ J

by

Ó

VELCRO

∑

œ œ œJ œ

œ

œ J

œ.

œ J cheese

Œ

œ œ J

Œ

on

VELCRO

œ A

bœ ¢& b ‹ Then

Ó

∑

œ œ J

∑

œ

œ œ œ

∑

bœ œ œ œ œ J ¢& b ‹ Jeans he has to

œ

‰ œj œ œ œ œ

Œ

œ œ J

Ó

ten

Ó

men?

Looks

bœ œ œ œ ¢& b ‹ Looks as if

'ry

˙

œ

of

Œ

∑

ROBBIE

œ nœ

Gm RIFF

œ œ J

∑

-

œ

œ

pers

typ -

-

œ

one

œ

that

œ

the

-

˙

ain't

œ

œ

strip

˙

œ

œ œ œ the

˙.

œ

ers

bœ &b ‹ Quite

œ

œ œ œ

wed - ding

∑

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book 116

b &b œ

Œ

˙.

ring

œ

œ

œ

Don't

mean

œ

43

œ

œ

a

œ

œ

˙

Ó

thing!

DANCE REMIX BEGINS

120 Club Beat h = 122

b &b

∑

Œ

VELCRO sampled and cut up from track

œ œ œ

œ A

125

b &b w

131

b &b

137

b &b

œ œ ‰ #œJ ‰ nœJ œ œ

° b &b

w

˙.

˙.



œ

Don't mean a

w

œ œ ‰ œ œ

œ

˙

œ nœ

œ

œ œ nœ J

w

œ œ

w

˙

156

œ

œ

œ



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nœ J

œ.

j œ

>œ n>œ œœ # œœ œ nœœ

œ

œ

œ œ œ ‰

w

˙.

˙.

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>œ >œ > nœ #œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œœ

w

œ thing!

SOLO PIANO — on track/treated

>œ >œ >œ > bœ bœ œ œ œ œ œ bœ œ œ œ œ œ

œ

ring

w

œ œ œ

œ

œ œ ‰ #œJ ‰ nœJ œ œ

∑

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Œ

˙.

Full out Feel

w

b b˙. &b b &b

wed - ding

w

144

150

œ

œ œ nœ J

œ œ

w

>œ >œ #œ œ nœ œ œœ ‰ Œ J

BAND

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w

œ

œ

œ

œ

w



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œ J

œ



˙

w

VELCRO

Œ

œ

It's

b &b ‹ b &b

∑

∑

∑

œ

Ó

ROBBIE

Ó

ENSEMBLE Women

Œ

It's

∑

∑

∑

Œ

œ

It's

b ¢& b ‹

∑

∑

∑

Ó

œ

ENSEMBLE Men

Œ

It's

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

44

° bb & ˙.

DRIVING CLUB BEAT

160

œ œ ˙.

hard

to

b ˙. &b ‹ hard

to

to

b ˙. ¢& b ‹ hard

168

bœ ¢& b ‹

172

b & b #œ ‹ wrink b &b

Œ

∑

Œ

∑

Œ

their

their

re

re

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flec

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flec

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flec

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œ

-

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œœ

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œ

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their

dare

dare

∑

It's

hard

œ

˙.

Ó

Œ

re

to

to

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flec

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˙

œ œ

tion

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tion

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˙

the

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tion

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the

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Œ

the

For

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show

the

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Œ

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j œ œ œ œ

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

° bb & ˙.

œ

œ

hard

to

tell

176

b ˙. &b ‹ hard

˙.

œ nœ

to

tell

b & b ˙.

œ

œ

hard

to

tell

b ˙˙.. ¢& b ‹ hard

œœ nœ œ

to

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hard

to

tell

b ˙. &b ‹ hard

œ

œ

to

tell

b & b ˙.

œ

œ

hard

to

tell

b ˙˙.. ¢& b ‹ hard ° b &b œ 184

b bœ &b ‹ Mak

œ -

œ -

b &b œ

Mak

bœ ¢& b ‹ Mak

ing

ing

œ -

ing

œ -

ing

œœ

œœ

to

tell

œ

sure

œ sure

œ sure

œ

œ

œ

the

gay

guys

from

the

œ

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No. 8

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DANA: Clo, how do I look?

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No. 8 — You Shall Go To The Ball

48 35

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No. 8 — You Shall Go To The Ball 75

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50

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No. 8 — You Shall Go To The Ball

° ## & ˙ 134

SIDESADDLE

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51

them

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No. 8 — You Shall Go To The Ball

52 Meno Mosso q = 136

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gits

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j œ

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To

the

To to

the

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to

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glass

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er...

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Go

for

a

night

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w w w w

q = 110

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with those pom - pous

JAMES: Robbie?

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œ

shall

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Œ

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158

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155

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go

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j œ œ



œœ tits

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œœœ œ‰ Œ Ó J œœ œ‰ Œ Ó J END OF ACT I

53

No. 9

Entr'Acte

Irresistible q = 146

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54

° bb œ & b 25

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SEGUE AS ONE No. 10 — Who's That Boy?

55

No. 10

Who's That Boy? CUE: SEGUE FROM ENTR'ACTE

° ### 4 & 4

3

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

56

° ### & 26

∑

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34

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

° ### & œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ 47

there

is

just one ques - tion that's on

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57

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DANA: He's looking at me again. Oh please. Could he be more obvious.

51

w w

boy?

bw ¢& w ‹ boy?

3

w w

3

56

CLODAGH: Get over yourself, it's me he's oggling. All these politicians like a bit on the side.

59

DANA: That James Prince is fit. WAITER: Stuffed olive? CLODAGH: Did he? Lucky Olive.

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mo - ther

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4

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

58

° b &

DANA: You've got questions. We've got answers. Call us.

3

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

° w & w 97

59

5

w w

f

FEMALE ENSEMBLE

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LORD B: You seemed nervous infront of James Prince, it's not like you, he's a mayoral candidate not royalty.

118

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that

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115

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ROBBIE is on the terrace. Having just taken his phone out ot make a call he is interrupted by the arival of LORD BELLINGHAM.

111

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

60

121

?

125

?

129

?

133

?

137

?

ROBBIE: I know, I'm . . . I'm not really feeling myself. In fact, George I may have to go . . .

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LORD B: You don't have to do that. The apartment's upstairs. Why don't you go and have a lie down in my room.

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LORD B: This is a big night for me. Actually for you and me. Us. ROBBIE: Us? LORD B: Like I said in the note, which you clearly received judging by the Prada suit you're wearing. I thought I'd made my feelings very clear.

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LORD B: I see. But you took the thousand pounds, and you went on a shopping spree.

140

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(1st x): LORD B: No, Robbie, you see that's how it works. All the gifts, all the dinners, the money, the suit you're wearing,

143

(2nd x): JAMES: Robbie, what are you doing here?

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147

?

(2nd x): ROBBIE: (not moving) I really have to go.

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

61

(1st x): LORD B: I'll tell you what I think you are. ROBBIE's phone is knocked to the ground

151

?

(2nd x): ROBBIE runs off.

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WILLIAM: James, there are guests to be attended to. Lord Bellingham are ye you coming?

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(1st x): WILLIAM: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Lord Bellingham, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?

155

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(VISUAL CUE OUT OF VAMP — MARILYN PICKS UP PHONE)

159

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168

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

62

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to

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want

to

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that

boy

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that

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him

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him?

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want

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vite

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boy?

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w w

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some - bo - dy

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boy?

w

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boy?

w w w

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boy?

w

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Œ

w n w w

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the

ker -

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w w

w w

boy?

w w boy?

w w

the

ker -

No. 11

63

They Don't Make Glass Slippers CUE: JAMES: I can't take this. Jesus Christ. What have I done? ROBBIE: James! James!

Freely ROBBIE p

6 &8 ‰ ‹ 3

& ‰ ‹

œ

6

œ & J œ ‹ find

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œ

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œ

œ

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he thought the whole

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out

That that's

14

& #œ œ œ ‹ slip - pers

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24

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œ No

39

& ‰ ‹

44 poco accel.

& ‹

∑

a

time

there

was

just

a

lit



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˙.

world

was

his

œ.

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how

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it

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size

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29

34

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

64 47

& ‰ ‹

œ And

œ

œ

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his

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70

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50

59

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65

No. 11a

Spin (Reprise) CUE: MARILYN: James. I don't want to hear it and this is certainly not something I wish to discuss in front of him. I'll see you at home. Pathetic.

Freely at first q = 130 (MARILYN leaves the office.) MARILYN: Oh God. MARILYN

#4 & #4

∑

œ

œ

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# &#

4

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wrong

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8

sim

ple

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-

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go wrong

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old

fash

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what

Hid

-

A phone rings in MARILYN'S bag. We recognise it as ROBBIE's ringtone.

4

peo

Œ

œ

œ

den

by

œ a

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smoke

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screen

of

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when

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know

you

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can

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ple want

-

3

it straight

.. 44

œ

How

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3

prom - ised that He'd play

est?

-

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j œ œ

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-

hon

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picking up

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with

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œ

œ

œ

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Œ

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5 4

but wait

MARILYN: What on earth . . . ? (She searches in her bag.) MARILYN: I don't believe this. (She answers.)

Œ



j œ œ

œ

˙

œ

œ

œ œ

˙.

œ

œ œ

MARILYN: Hello? (Robbie?) No but this is his phone. (So who are you?)

23

# &#

Re

œ

be - come

He

16

œ

œ

œ

11

28

œ

you

With Tension q = 160

de - cen - cy

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Œ

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with

can

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œ

œ

Œ

w

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œ

œ

˙

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

w

MARILYN (cont'd): My name's Marilyn Platt. (Well what are you doing with Robbie's phone?)

Œ



œ

œ

œ

œ

33

œ

œ

œ

˙.

œ

œ

˙.

Œ

œ

MARILYN: I'm sorry? No I will not return his fucking phone.

Œ

œ

˙

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

˙.

w

w

˙

..

FADE ON CUE DURING REPEAT

66

No. 11b

Underscore into Tail That Wags CUE: WILLIAM: Now go! JAMES exits.

Freely At First h = 65

2 & b2 5

&b

Ó

Ó

˙



w

˙

33

&b

39

&b

˙

w

˙

œ

œ

∑

j n œ.

˙

j œ

œ.

œ

œ

œ

œ nœ œ

˙

œœ >

j nœ œ

œ.

œ

œ

œ

œ

CLODAGH: That's right. WILLIAM: So presumably you have an address for him.

Ó

˙

w >

˙.

∑

œ œ .

WILLIAM: Right, here's what's going to happen . . . in a few hours time you're going to have a lot of press assembling outside your establishment . . .

w

œœ n œœ . .

œ

œ

œ

œ

j œ œ

œ nœ œ

WILLIAM: (Cont'd) . . . rather keen to find out more about your brother.

Œ

Ó

œœ..

œ

œ

œ

bœ nœ

œ

CLODAGH: Go on. What's that got to do with us?

∑

j n œœ.

Œ

j œ ˙

Ó

œ.

œœ >

j nœ œ

œœ n œœ . .

Œ

WILLIAM: I want you make your brother's colourful life even more colourful. As sordid as you like. Now that shouldn't be too difficult should it?

Ó

∑

j n œœ.

œœ..

œ

w

Œ

œ

Ó

œ

CLODAGH: And what's in it for us? WILLIAM: Trust me. People will pay a lot for your story. I'll make sure of that.

œ

w

œ

œ

œ.

œ J

œ

Œ

Ó

œ

œ

œ

j œ œ.

˙

˙

œ

œ

j œ œ

j œ

w

WILLIAM: Now enjoy your moment in the sun.

œ

w

œ

˙.

œ

˙.

œ

œ

WILLIAM: Tea, get in here. SASHA: Yes, William . . . what was all that about?

w

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

j œ œ

WILLIAM: That my dear Tea, was what you call an opportunity. A great big mincing opportunity.

44

&b

œ

œ

œ.

27

&b

œ

CLODAGH: Yeah, he works in the launderette next door. WILLIAM: In Old Compton Street.

20

&b

œ

WILLIAM: This is William George. You gave me your number at the event last night. You told me that Robbie is your brother or, step brother.

Faster in Time h = 85

13

&b

œ

œ



nœ.

œ J

˙

j œ œ



œ



œ



j œ

VAMP — 1 bar as needed

.. w

..

SEGUE AS ONE No.12 — The Tail That Wags The Dog

67

No.12

The Tail That Wags The Dog CUE: DEAD SEGUE from No. 11b

WILLIAM: Get me a car.

In 2 h = 90

#2 & #2 ‹

3

WILLIAM: Bellingham Industries.

# &# ‹

5

4

SASHA: Where are we going?

SASHA re-enters with WILLIAM's coat.

Ó

Œ



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po

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17

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25

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21

33

p

WILLIAM

sit

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Œ

œ

throne

Œ

œ I

˙.

Œ

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

68

# &#œ ‹ I'm

37

œ

œ

the

tail

that

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41

wags

the

œ

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bone

mp



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grind-

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till

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mould them

And

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You

64

68

it's

œ

bad

œ œ

suc - ces - sor

WILLIAM

knock them

Œ

œ œ œ

œ

too

weak - ness

j œ

61

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œ

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œ

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57

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53

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49

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45

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

° ## & 72

¢& ‹

∑

## ˙.

° ## & œ 76

## œ & ¢ ‹

° ## œ & ‹ makes 81

∑

WILLIAM

Œ



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œ

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the

tail

œ

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œ

69

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wags

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w

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the

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you

ask

what

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the

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bone

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f

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it

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œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

that

led

him

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-

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˙

Ó

true

ENSEMBLE

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w w

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

70

° ## œ & ‹ new 92

Œ

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w

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WILLIAM: Oh George, . . . you have been a naughty little Lord haven't you?

103

## & # ## ‹

107

# ## &# # ‹

111

œ

œ

œ

j œ

œ.

œ

œ

LORD BELLINGHAM: What?

œ

j œ

œ.

œ

œ

w

œ

w

WILLIAM: "Lord Bellingham and rent boy lover in political fundraiser". Now only a fool would bet the markets but I'll take my chance that Bellingham Industries shares will go down.

œ

œ

œ

j œ

œ.

œ

œ

œ

j œ

œ.

œ

œ

LORD B: I've no idea what you're talking about. WILLIAM: Your little friend, Robbie? LORD B: Rent boy? I've never paid him for . . .

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

˙.

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

˙.

œ

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

## & # ## ‹

WILLIAM: What did you pay him for exactly? (There's no answer) Now I'm assuming you'd prefer to keep your private life our of the press. LORD BELLINGHAM: Go on. WILLIAM: In an hour this story will leak. However, it all depends which story we'd like to tell.

115

œ

119

? #### .. #

123

? #### #

127

œ

œ

œ œ.

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

WILLIAM (cont'd): My version is that sicko James Prince arrogantly invited his fiancée and gay boy lover to the same fundraising event.

œ.

œ. #œ.

œ. J



Œ

Œ &œ œ

. œ œ

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œ.

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œ

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w

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Œ

œœ J

œ

œ.

œ.

. œ

. œ

œ.

œ

Ó

LORD B: You must be mad. Get out!

˙

Œ

œ

œ

Œ

œ

œ

œ

w

œ

œœ..

˙˙

Ó

œ

Œ

Œ

œ

œ

œ

Œ

œ

Œ

& œœ

œ

œ

œœ

Œ

œ

œ

Œ

∑

. . œœ #œœ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ J

œœ J

œ

œ

œ

œ

Œ

? ##

œ

Œ

Ó

VAMP

& ‹

∑

œ

œ

œ

œ J

œ

œ

œ

œ

Ó

œ

œ

WILLIAM

Œ

nn # n#

w

œ J

œ

..

œ J

œ

WILLIAM: George, you can trust me.

150

?

Œ

œ

œœ..

WILLIAM: The bank transfer. I'll do the rest. LORD B: Don't screw this up, William. I mean it.

œ

Œ

LORD B: Your what?

WILLIAM: Prince won't survive this. I have the credentials, I know the system. You'll find me a very loyal servant in City Hall.

œ

œ.

VAMP 2nd TIME ONLY

WILLIAM (cont'd): And we have two days before nominations close. LORD B: What do I need to do?

Œ

. œœ

œœ

Œ

WILLIAM (cont'd): Worse than that he did so in your good offices. Of course, there is another version of the tale which involves the cheif executive of a multi-national . . . .

WILLIAM: It's not for me. It's for my campaign . . . to become London Mayor.

143

j œ

œ

LORD BELLINGHAM: I get it, I get it. How much? WILLIAM: I'm sorry? LORD B: How much to keep me out of it?

? #### #

? ##

71

f

œ

Stand

œ

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

72

° ## & #œ ‹ back

Piu Mosso

153

Œ

œ

I'm

# &#Ó

˙.

w

through

˙˙

Œ

Ah

#˙˙..

w w

#˙˙

bw w ¢& b ‹ f

165

b &b

œ œœ

œœ œ

œ

œ

œ

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b nœœ & b # œœ ‹ mf

169

œ œœ

° ## œ œ œ œ & ‹ knock them in - to ff

# &#

∑

##

w w w

w w w

w w

w w

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œ



œ

œ nœœ

œ

œ œœ

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in - to

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knock them

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knock them

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mp

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161

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173

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mp

ENSEMBLE

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mould them till

shape

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they fit

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shape

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˙

I

œ œ mould them

∑

œ

œ œ mould them

œ œ ˙ till

they

fit

œ œ ˙ till

they

fit

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

° ## œ œ œ œ œ. & J ‹ plump the cush - ions # ∑ &#

73

177

¢& ‹

œ œ œ

on

the

œ

plump

##

œ

∑

° ## œ & ‹ pull # œ &# 181

pull

## œ & ¢ ‹ pull ° ## œ & ‹ I'm # & # #˙ 185

plump

Dog

##mf & œ ¢ ‹ Dog

the

cush -

œ

Œ

œ

the

strings

œ

œ

the

strings

call

the

œ

œ

œ

œ œ ˙

the

tail

mf

œ

˙ ˙

gone

Œ

œ

gone

-

° ## & ¿ Œ ¿ Œ ‹ "howl" "howl" ## ∑ & 193

wags

#˙ #˙

œ

-

that

˙

it's

Œ



˙

œ

Yes

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the

I

œ

œ

œ

groom

them

for

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them

for

œ

œ

them

for

œ

shots

groom

mp

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dog

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p

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the

dog

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dog

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dog

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œ

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that

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-

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œ

p

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Œ -

f

Œ f

Œ

gone

œ

˙˙..

∑ ∑

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it's

the



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gone

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œ

Œ

Ó

œ

it's

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I

the

œ

œ

the

Œ

˙.

Œ

˙.

Œ

throne

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˙.

throne

œ œ

throne

œ

dog

œ

œ

that

gets

Œ

j œ

œ

Œ

j œ

œ

Œ

dog

-

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œ

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œ



that

gets

the

dog

gone

Ah

Œ

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œ

f ˙˙..

gone

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w w

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-

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∑

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sit

groom



œ

œ

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œ

œ #œ

sit

Œ

sit

œ

shots

the

Œ

and

shots

Dog that

∑

ions

Œ

œ

the

œ

to

#˙.

œ œ œ ‰ J

call

#œ œ

and

Œ

And

Œ

ions

œ œ œ ‰ J

strings

pre - fer

˙.

œ

the

œ œ œ

I'd

œ œ œ ‰ J

œ

call

Where

œ œ œJ œ.

œ

Ooo

° ## Œ & ‹ ##mf & œ

cush -

œ

Ooo

189

œ œ œJ œ.

the

œ

œ

seat

œ

## ˙ ¢& ˙ ‹

## ¢& ‹

œ

j œ œ #œ Œ gets

the...

œ œ #œ œ œ #œ Œ J gets

the...

bone!

U ∑ U ∑

U w w

U ∑

bone!

U w w w

bone!

∑ ∑ ∑

74

No. 13

Let Him Go CUE: MARILYN: And in here for hurting. VELCRO: Yes, In here for hurting - it gets better though, if you let it.

Gently q = 120

##4 & # #4

œ.

œ J

˙

˙.

œ

œ.

œ

œ J

Ó

˙

VELCRO p

Œ



j œ

The

## &##œ

5

on

œ ly

-

j œ

œ œ.

way

to

## &##œ

œ

## &##œ

œ

œ

œ

on

to

a

Œ

œ œ

9

does - n't

13

hold

# ## &# ˙

17

œ œ. mean

love

him

Ó

Let

‰ œj

œ

Will

you

œ œ œ œ œ

gain

a

clo

-

ser

I

don't

## & # # œj œ

24

let

him

j œ

say

j œ œ

know

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

it's



j œ

How

ea

œ much

-

sy

you

rea

œ

œ œ -

ly

love

Œ

œ œ ˙. him

‰ œj To

Œ

œ

end

œ

œ

If

you

j œ It

˙.

œ œ

friend

though

œ œ œ

the

˙.

21

œ

in



go

œ œ œ œ

œ

hurt

go

him

Œ

˙

‰ œ œ œ

less

fan - ta - sy

œ

Let him

œ œ ˙

œ œ œ

œ

‰ œ œ œ

your - self

œ

you

And

## & # # œj

free

j œ

Ó

œ œ ˙

œ

j œ œ

Let him

Ó

˙

œ

want

Ó

œ

œ

to

œ œ œ

Let

him

j œ go

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

## &##

28

w

Ó

˙

go

## &##œ

32

œ

don't

know

## &##œ

œ

in

my

why

## &##œ

œ

hard - est

## &##˙

44

heart

œ

j œ œ

part

of

lov - ing

œ œ

48

If

I

## j &##œ œ I

j œ œ œ ly

-



j œ

tell him

know - ing

so

Tell - tale

Ó

œ œ ˙.

signs

œ

œ

may

start

œ œ œ

him

Let

The

Œ

œ

œ œ

j œ œ

j œ

j œ œ

Let him

œ œ œ

to

œ

show

How

œ much

Ó

˙

go

go

Ó

˙

w

him

‰ œj

˙.

go

it must end

j œ œ

j œ

For

him

˙.



go

œ œ œ œ

œ

pre - tend

Œ

j œ œ

œ

œ œ

for

Œ

˙

‰ œ œ œ Let

Is

tle

love

Ó

œ œ œ

j œ œ

œ œ J

Let him

‰ œj

him

set -

to

real

MARILYN mp

Œ

œ œ œ

known

j œ œ

œ

j œ œ. try

52

al - ways

œ



on

œ œ ˙

œ

I've

Why

## & # # œj œ

hold - ing

j œ

œ œ.

Œ

Ó

Ó

œ œ ˙

œ

I'm

36

40

∑

I

j œ

œ œ.

75

VELCRO

####mf & œ

57

œ œ œ

Don't

# ## &# œ

stay

œ œ

shut

aw - ay

œ

œ

œ

with

61

Op

-

œ

en

doors

œ

to

œ œ œ

œ

"what

j œ œ

all

may

j œ œ

œ

œ.

those

"might

j œ œ

œ

be"

in

have

œ

beens"

w -

Ó

˙ ˙

Ó

˙

Œ

stead

MARILYN

# ## f &# œ

65

That's

nœ œ œ the

light

œ œ

that

guides

œ

nœ œ œ us

through

œ the

œ. change

œ œ J of

œ scenes

nœ Those

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

76

## &##Œ

69

œ

œ

"in

-

œ

œ

be

-

˙.

œ

tweens"

we

## &## ## & # # ˙˙

77

œ

dread

˙.

‰ Let him go j w œ œ œ œ œ.

MARILYN

Ó

Ó



∑

œ

œ

œ

Let

him

go

VELCRO / MARILYN

Ó



## & # # œœ hold

œœ

œœ

œœ

on

to

a

Œ

œ œœ œ

## & # # ˙˙

85

fan - ta - sy

And

œ

A Tempo

## & # # œœ

know

# ## & # œœ

97

Show

## & # # ˙˙

102

Will

hurt

a

clo

ser

-

heal

-

how

may

œœ

œœ

much

œœ œœ œœ how

ing

œœ

œœ

œ

much

you

œœ œœ you

love

Freely

Ó

Ó

œ œ œ be

you

in

the

˙. ˙.

œœ

œœ

love

œœ him

œ

When

we

Ó

œœ œœ ˙˙. .

Let

him

œ œ

grow

a - part

j œœ œ. J œ.

p

him

A tempo

rall.

w w

˙w

go

BOTH

j œ ‰ œœ œœ œœ We

grow

A tempo

w w

w w

go

˙

go

Ó

˙˙

2

Let

him

j œœJ œ. œ.

œ œ

˙˙..

rall.

pp

Let him

end

rall.

œ

j j œœ #œœ œœ J J

Œ

œœ

œœ œœ

friend

Œ

slow

To

œœ n œœ œœ # œœ

œœ

œœ œœ œœ œ œœ œ

gain

œ œ œ œ

Though the

93

œœ

œœ

go

VELCRO

# # mp &##œ

89

‰ j ‰ œœ J

œœ œœ œœ

œœ

him

j œœJ

f



˙˙..

œœ

œœ

œ Let

81

Œ

˙. VELCRO

2

73

œ

œ

w w



j œJ

He'll

77

No.13a

Wishing For The Normal (Reprise) CUE: MARILYN: For being . . . kind. VELCRO: I didn't do anything. MARILYN: You did a lot. Goodbye Sonia.

MARILYN exits. VELCRO looks around the launderette clutching Marilyn's card.

Gentle h = 100

4 & b4

5

˙





˙

w

w

VELCRO

p

&b w

w

Wish

-

-

Œ

˙.

w ing

-

œ

œ

Hop - ing

for

œ œ

the

hum

w

Wish

13

&b œ

w

Œ

œ œ ˙

-

-

œ œ œj œ

œ

drum

-

-

w

Is

that

aim

-

ing

ing

j œ

high?

17

&b j œ œ

Oth - ers

# &#

21

j œ œ seem

œ œ

to

find

SCENE CHANGE TO CAMPAIGN HQ

œ

œ it

5

œ

Tell

œ

me

œ œ œ œ œ why

oh

why

oh

rall.

why

Œ

˙.

œ can't

Ó

˙ U w I?

3

n##

78

No. 13b

Remember Us — Reprise CUE: JAMES: Nothing changed. I thought it could. I thought I could.

Colla voce

# #6 & # 8 œ. œ. œ œ œ. œ ‹ No - thing's black and white This Freely

JAMES

## & # œ. ‹ Love

5

œ.

œ

will

œ

con - quer

## & # ‰ #œ œ œ. ‹ an ti - dote

8

## &#

13

all

œ.

œ.

When

you

one fight

œ

you can't win

œ

fall

œ œ œ.



œ

you

on

there

œ.

œ.

œ.

œ.

I

thought

I

could

vote

œ.

œ

œ

fall

a

is

no

MARILYN: We both did.

˙.

œ.

Œ.

change

4

MARILYN

œ œ.

œ œ

Re - mem - ber

j œ œ

when

You

∑

œ

j œ

popped

the

j œ œ

∑

œ

œ

œ.

ques - tion

Eve

JAMES

Œ.

∑

œ.

œ

New Year's

œ

œ

œ

God, what

° ### ‰ & 21

œ œ.

œ œ



Re - mem - ber then

### j & ¢ œ ‰ ‹ mess! 25

∑

### j œ ‰ yes

œ I

Œ.



° ### & ¢& ‹

just



œ œ œ.

MARILYN (cont'd): We both wanted to believe it. It wasn't just you.

Pushing On q. = 80

### & ¢ ‹

is



œ œ œ

More rhythmic

Meno Mosso

° ### ‰ & 17

œ

œ.

j œ

œ

called

you

œ œ œ œ

Rel - a - tive - ly

j j œ œ œ

But

when you're

˙. young

so

œ



œ

œ

Œ.

na - ive

Œ.

∑

4

œ

œ

cra - zy,

∑ Œ.

Œ.

j œ œ

a

œ

œ

Then

you

Slower q. = 70

œ

œ

young

œ

You

think

the

dream

Œ.

œ

œ

œ

œ

You

think

the

dream

œ

said

j œ œ.

will

last...

will

last...

j œ œ.

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

° ### Œ & 29

j œ

Un

### Œ & ¢ ‹ ° &b 33

j œ

Un

œ

œ.

˙.

∑

œ.

˙.

∑

til...

-

œ



œ



œ

&b

45

&b

œ J

œ

œ

love

you

œ J

j œ

œ

j œ

œ.

œ

œ.

∑

œ

œ J

œ

MARILYN: I want all of you, not just a part.

œ J

œ

nnnb

œ

∑

MARILYN (cont'd): And I don't want to fight a battle I can't win. JAMES: Marilyn, please. I want you to be part of my life.

œ.

œ

œ

MARILYN: It is, James.

œ.

œ.

œ

MARILYN: I know you do. But you will never love me completely.

œ

˙.

37

41

Œ.

I

œ.

œ

nnnb

∑

til...

-

¢& b ˙. ‹ still &b

Colla Voce

MARILYN: You finally wake up.

With Movement q. = 74



79

œ J

JAMES: I'm scared. That sounded very final.

˙.



œ

œ J

œ

JAMES: I don't know what to do. I mean what now?

˙. œ.

œ

œ

œ

œ.

œ J

œ

œ

œ

˙.

œ

Slower

j œ

œ



œ

œ

j œ

œ

MARILYN: Honesty. With the voters but more importantly with yourself. You can't go wrong with honest. Remember?

48

œ

& b nœ

52

œ

j œ

Bubbling q = 110

b 4 & b bb 4

54

b & b bb

57

œ

bb &b b

>œ œ œ

>œ œ œ

>œ œ œ

œ

>œ œ œ



œ

œ

j œ

œ

œ

œ

>œ œ œ

rall.

œ.

œ

œ

>œ œ œ

>œ œ œ

NARRATOR: At William's direction, the press are now campedout in Soho

>œ œ œ

œ

œ

>œ œ œ

œ

œ

œ

across the street from Glam-Amour. Clodagh and Dana are rather enjoyingthe attention.

œ

œ

>œ œ œ

>œ œ œ

œ

œ

>œ œ œ

œ

>œ œ œ

>œ œ œ

œ

>œ œ œ

œ

>œ œ œ

œ



œ

>œ œ œ

œ

>œ œ œ

œ

>œ œ œ

>œ œ œ

œ

(The hubub builds to a cut off)

œ

œ

œ



œ

œ

œ

n>œ

œ

œ

œ



œ

œ

œ



œ

œ

>œ œ œ

œ

œ



bbbb 44

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

>œ œ œ

>œ œ œ

œ

œ

>œ œ œ

>œ œ œ œJ ‰ Œ f

œ

œ

80

No. 14

Fifteen Minutes CUE: CLODAGH: I think . . . I think our talent has finally been recosgnised. DANA: Our what?

Melée of clamouring PHOTOGRAPHER's requests. Initially startled by the attention, CLODAGH and DANA begin to warm to it . . .

Moderato q = 100

2 & b2 5

˙

œ

œ

œ

œ.

œ

CLODAGH

& b œ œ œ œ œ œ œ ‰. Some - one

&b œ œ œ œ œ œ fif - teen min-utes of



fame

I

don't

DANA

j œ

got our

œ

œ

Well

œ œ.

fif - teen

14

& b œ œ œ œ.



fif - teen min-utes

17

&b

23

&b œ may

œ œ.

the

go

-

to

our

œ

œ

bleed them

ry



j œ œ

œ

œ

œ

w

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

Eve - ry - one's

is

œ

tick - ing

en - ti - tled

to

name

a

j œ œ œ

We're

œ

taste

œ

of

sell

œ

j œ œ

glo - ry

al

œ

want

œ œ.

the

œ œ our

j œ

the

œ ‰

same

fame

j œ œ. At

last

œ

the

DANA

œ œ œ œ.

sto - ry

˙

of



pick - ing

œ

our

œ œ

œ

fif - teen min - utes

for

œ

gon - na

œ œ œ œ.

œ œ

read - y

j œ œ œ.



j œ œ



We

our

We've

CLODAGH

˙

on

their

‰ œj

cry

dry

Bring

We're

loids hue and

-

˙

CLODAGH

˙

œ

the tab

j œ œ œ





œ œ œ.

œ

We'll have

œ

till they're

CLODAGH

œ

œ

œ œ

Œ

mo - ment Let

fif - teen min-utes

clock

œ œ

œ

stick - ing

œ œ œ be

our

œ œ œ œ.

We've earned our

20

mud is

let's

j œ œ œ

Be - ware

& b œ œ.

œ

œ

Now

œ œ œ œ

œ.

his name

DANA



˙

re - call

this looks like

œ

min - utes

œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

11

& b #œ œ.

œ

œ

r œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

fa - mous he once said

8

œ

œ œ

The de



-

j œ œ

tails

BOTH

Hel - lo

œ

it's

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book 26

& b œ œ œ œ.

j œ œ



fif - teen min-utes

Our

new

œ

life

can

be - gin

œ

œ

of

w

fame

œ œ

time

œ œ œ œ

for our

˙

fif - teen min - utes

Bubbling now DANA

œ

œ

œ

We'll

be - come

œ

œ

œ œ œ

œ

cel - eb - ri - ties

The

CLODAGH

35

&b œ œ œ œ œ œ dar - lings

38

it's

œ

3

29

& b ˙.

œ ‰

œ œ œ œ

81

of

Œ

the press

Cast

us

in

DANA

&b œ œ

Bring out

œ œ a

œ œ œ œ.

range

of

cloth

40

& b #œ write

œ

œ

our

own

œ

œ

43

46

¢& b œœœ ‹

Ah

œ

œ



shame that

œœ œ

are

° & b œ œ œ œ. who can knock it?



œœr Ó œ

a

sure

to

sell

Then

j œ œ f

BOTH



We

œ œ œ œ.

our

œ

our

œ œ

œ

of

fame

œœr Ó œ

Ooo

DANA



œ œ œ œ.

ac - counts will rock - et

œœr Ó œ

want

fif - teen min - utes

œœ.... œ..

j œ œ œ

j œ

DANA



spell

Our bank

j œ œ.

CLODAGH

It's cheap

œ

but

œœr Ó œ

œœ.... œ.. Ooo

BOTH

It's

suc-cess

œ œ œ

˙

Ooo

j œ œ œ œ œ œœ

roar - ing

Ó

We'll fill

our pock - et

œœ.... œ..

˙˙˙

a

œ

œ

œœr Ó œ

œ œ œ œ.

in

be

‰ œj œ œ

fif - teen min-utes

Ooo

The press

We'll

per - fume's

you can't

œœ.... œ..

œ œ œ œ

a

œ œ œ œ.

We crave our

œ

œ œ.

CLODAGH

49

œœ...... ¢& b œ ‹ Ooo

A

œœr Ó œ

œœ.... ¢& b œ.. ‹ Ooo ° b & ˙

j œ

‰ œj œ œ

fif - teen min-utes

MALE ENSEMBLE

œ œ

And

CLODAGH

œ œ ‰

pan - to - mime

CLODAGH

ing

-

bi - og - ra - phy

° b & œ œ œ œ.



a

Œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

˙˙



game

DANA

j œ œ œ

Our

Œ

˙˙.. ˙. Game!

life

was

œ œ œ œ œ ‰ down

the toi

-

let

j œ œ œ A

∑

scan - dal

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

82

° b & œ œ œ œ œ ‰ 52

should - n't

spoil

it

CLODAGH

j œ œ œ

j œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ ‰

We're gon - na

Su - san Boyle

it

That's our

∑



˙

aim

Was - sup with

p

b ¢& ‹

∑

œœ œ

‰ œj œ œ

55

fif - teen min-utes

b œœ.... ¢& œ.. ‹ mf

It's

œœr Ó œ

so

not

us

to

win

It's

time

œ œ œ œ œ œ ˙

for our

œœ Ó œ R

œœ.... œ.. Ooo

° b & ˙.

‰ œ

œ œ œ œ œ

Ooo

fif - teen min - utes

nœœœ œœœ œœœ bœœœ

Ó

Fif - teen min - utes

58

œ

Of

SA ENSEMBLE

œ

fame

f

∑

∑

w

w

w w

w w

b˙˙

˙˙

w w

b˙˙

˙˙

Ooo

˙˙ ¢& b ˙ ‹

TB - ENSEMBLE

° b & 62

f

Ó

w w

Ooo

15

Piu Mosso q = 110

∑

bb j & b b b ‰ œ œ œ. œ œ œ œ. DANA

Big

b & b bbb ˙

bbbbb

15

b nw ¢& w ‹ 78

bbbbb

15

w &b w

81

œœ œ

œœœ

œœ œ

Ooh

° b & œ œ œ œ.

&b

j œ œ œ

BOTH

bro-ther

Ó

fif - teen min-utes



bbbbb

CLODAGH

‰ œ œ. œ œ œ œ œ. Ka - to - na

fif - teen min-utes

CLODAGH

j œ œ

œ

Steve Brook - stein

œ



œ

fif - teen

œ œ.

min - utes

DANA

j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ X - fac - tor



œ œ.

œ

Ap - pren - tice

fif - teen min-utes of

œ

œ

fif - teen

œ œ.

min - utes

fame

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book 84

b & b bbb ‰ œj œ œ. œ œ œ œ œ œ Lew - in - sky

# &#‰

87

j œ œ And

fif - teen min-utes of

œ

œ

Tow - ie

œ

fif - teen

fame

œ œ.

min-utes

Matt

j œ œ



nnnnn## ‰ œj œ œ œ œ œ œ.

Ó

˙

83

"

œ

œ

œ

Please Jed - ward, Fif - teen

Car - dle

œ œ œ œ

min-utes of

fif - teen min-utes

Ó

˙

fame

Slow — milk it!

° ## & Œ

DANA / CLODAGH

90

U œ

U œ

We

want

U nœ

#### # #

our

Broadly q = 90

j ‰ œ œ œ

j ‰ œ œ œ

CLODAGH

œ œ œ #œ.

fif - teen min-utes

DANA

œ œ œ œ.

Go - dam - mit

fif - teen min-utes

Sweet Je - sus

ENSEMBLE SA

f

# U & # nnw w

#### # Œ #

œ.

Ahh

Fif

-

œ ˙

Œ

œœ ˙˙

Œ

œ.

teen

Fif

œ ˙ teen

-

ENSEMBLE TB

f

## nU w ¢& n w ‹ Ahh

#### # Œ #

#œœ.. Fif

° #### # & # œ œ œ œ.

-

teen

Fif

œ

#### # Œ # & ¢ ‹

of

-

ice

#### # ¢& # Œ ‹

œœ.. ice

œ œœ

‰ œj œ œ

Buy tits like

Ka - tie Pri

œ ˙

Œ

œœ ˙˙

Œ

is

is

Vic

-

œ.

Pric

ce's

We've no

œ ˙ -

es

œœ ˙˙

œœ.. Pric

Vic

œ œ œ œ

-

es

-

œœ..

Œ

fame

œ œ œ œ œ.

vic - es

œ.

fame

œœ œœ œœ œœ ˙˙ min-utes of

to

Œ

œ œ œ œ ˙ min-utes of

‰ œj œ œ

ice is

œ.

teen

-

œ œ œ œ.

We'd say fare - well

teen

96

# ## # &# # Œ

˙

teen

° #### # & # œ œ œ œ. pagne on

fame

œœ ˙˙

œœ.. Fif

œ œ

œ ˙ -

œœ ˙˙

BOTH

fif - teen min - utes

œ.

Fif

‰ œj œ œ

93

## # & # ## Œ

œœ..

Go where cham -

œ ˙ es

œœ ˙˙ -

es

‰ œj œ œ

˙

shame

Since fame and

‰ œj œ œ ˙ We've no

shame

We've no

shame

œ œ œœ ˙˙ ‰ œJ œ

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

84

° #### # œ œ œ j œ. ‰ œ œ œ & # 99

# ## # &# #

for - tune beck - oned

We're gon - na

œ œ œ œ. ‰ œj œ œ

seize each sec - ond

∑

It's

not what

j œ œ œ œ. œ œ

we'd have reck - oned

∑

still

j œ

we

∑

MALE ENSEMBLE ONLY

#### # p˙ ¢& # ‹ Ooh



j ‰ œ œ œ

102

claim

#### # œ # & ¢ ‹ Ah

Ah

° #### # #œ & # œ 105

Our pre - cious

œœ

œœ

œœ

œ

œ

œ

˙

˙

œ œ

œœ

fif - teen min-utes

f

Œ

œ.

Fif

œœ

j ‰ œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ.

f

Œ

Our

Œ

œœ ˙˙

Œ

œœ

Fif - teen

#### # Ó # & ¢ ‹

œ

œ

Fif - teen

œœ nœœ

be thin

it's

œœ

œœ

of

fame

-

teen

œœ ˙˙

œœ.. Fif

time

œ ˙

œ. Fif

min - utes

#œœ

may

teen

-

‰ œ

œ œ œ œ œ

œ ˙

n˙˙..

˙˙

sto - ry

(split)

teen

-

œœ..

Fif

fif - teen

## # & # ## Ó

˙

Ooh

° #### # & # ˙ ## # & # ## œœ



-

teen

2

Meno

w w

˙˙

Ó

∑

˙

Ó

∑

2

min - utes

œ

œ

2

min - utes

DANA / CLODAGH

# ## # &# # Ó

110

" Freely ‰ œj œ œ Guess that's our

## # & # ## w

œ œ œ œ ˙

Ó

fif - teen min - utes

CLODAGH/DANA: Come on, sis, my G-string needs a rinse.

114

w

2

(split)

œ œ œ œœ œ œ of

w fame

œœ œœ

for our

85

No. 15

Finale CUE: WILLIAM EXITS James is left alone on stage and Marilyn enters.

Gently q = 110

##4 & # #4

œ.

MARILYN: Best speech you ever made.

œ J

˙

˙.

œ

JAMES: You think so? Look, Marilyn . . .

œ.

œ

œ J

˙

w

MARILYN: I know. But no matter how sorry you are, it doesn't change "us". JAMES: So what now?

# ## &#

5

accel.

œ.

œ J

˙

˙.

œ

j œ

œ.

œ

j œ

œ.

œ

œ

œ

œ

Move On q = 130 MARILYN

## &##

9

mp

œ œ œ

œ

Don't

## &##œ

stay

œ œ

œ œ œ

œ

shut

aw - ay

œ

œ

with

13

Op

-

œ

en

doors

#### Più mosso & nœ œ œ

œ

to

all

j œ œ

œ

"what

may

j œ œ

œ.

œ those

"might

j œ œ

œ

be"

in

have

That's

the

## &##˙

20

light

Œ

œ



that

œ

Those

25

&

A Tempo œ #### œ

# ## &#

29

q = 120

œ

"in

œ

œ

œ

œ



œ

guides

œ

us

˙.

be

tweens"

-

the

#œ œ we

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

˙

Œ

œ

scenes



œ œœ J

œ

˙

˙ ˙˙

œ

j œ œœ œ

œ. œœ..

œ

Œ

˙.

dread

JAMES: I've got to get away. Avoid the press for a while. They've still only got Robbie's side of the story.

œ

œ

of

œ œ ˙.

MARILYN: Not Robbie's. I suspect it was William's side of the story. JAMES: But Robbie . . .

œ

change

œ

poco rall.

œ œ œ -

j œ

œ.

œ

through

Ó

˙

stead

-

œ

Ó

˙

beens"

w

17

œ

œ

œ

œœ

œ. œœ. œ ..

˙˙

œ J

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

86

## &##

32

# ## &#

36

## &##

41

œ œ J

œœ.. œ.

œ œ

˙

œ œ

œ œ

œ

œ

œ œ

œ J

œ J

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ.

œ

œ

˙. ˙.

œ J

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ œ

œ

œ

œ J

œ œ J

œ œ J

œ J

œ

œ

˙.

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

poco accel.

œ

œ

With momentum h = 106

nnnnbb b 2 b 2

w

˙

œ

œ

MARILYN (cont'd): He's catching a train out of here from London Bridge. JAMES exits leaving MARILYN alone.

˙.

œ œ

˙.

œ

œ

MARILYN: Good luck, James.

46

b & b bb

MARILYN: . . . is doing exactly what you're doing. Avoiding the Press. He hasn't spoken to them.

œ

œ

œ œ

œ

œ

œ

Meno h = 94 NARRATOR: The 14.18 train to Margate will be departing from platform 5 calling at Orpington, ...

50

b & b bb

œ J

œ J

œ

œ

˙

œ

œ

œ

˙

œ

˙

œ

œ

œ

w

NARRATOR (cont'd): . . .Sevenoaks, Tonbridge, Paddock Wood, Marden . . .

55

b & b bb

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

for

the

rall.

#w

œ

œ

œ

œ

j œ œ

nor

-



bw



w

Freely h = 90 61

ROBBIE

p

b & b bb œJ œ ‹ Wish bb j &b b œ œ ‹

65

Trou - ble

70

ing

j j œ œ œ is

b & b bb œ bœ ˙ ‹ bit - ious?

75

bb & b b bw ‹ for

œ J

j œ œ

they're hard

Œ

j œ œ

Am

w too

mal

œ -

I

j œ œ

œ

er

than

j œ œ out

kind

of

œ

w

œ

˙.

of

touch?

they

much?

˙.

Ó

˙ Œ

Ó

˙

dream

seem

Half Time Feel q. = 55

6 ˙. 8

w

œ

j œ œ

Am

#˙ Am

I

j œ œ

too



n˙ I

wish

2

#˙ -

NARRATOR (cont'd) . . . Minster,

ing

œ

am -

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

3

b & b bb ‹

## & # œ ‰ Œ. ‹ place?

œ

Gyp

2

## & # Œ. ‹

sies

of

the

œ.

.. Œ.

e

œ.

nœ.

You

are

seem

strange

ther

œ.

œ.

my

far

° #2 & 2 ‹ JAMES - half spoken #2 & ¢ 2 œj ‹ Go ° # & ˙. ‹

œ

- ing

113

#

∑

4

n .. n # 22

VAMP

..

∑

p

j œ

œ

Cin - e

j œ to

j œ

j œ

œ a

night

Œ

œ bœ -

club

j œ

mas

-

Œ

˙

∑ j œ œ

∑ j œ

j j œ œ œ in

nice

j œ œ

Œ

œ bœ ˙

rest

j œ

j œ

œ

and

such

∑

Hap - py

∑

ger

friend

∑

Eat - ing

° # & ˙. ‹

stran -

ROBBIE - half spoken

110 Freely h = 110

p

Œ.

j j œ œ œ

(They kiss)

3

## &# ‹

this

space

œ

in - ti - mate

in

œ.

in

Œ.

nœ.

œ œ

œ

Meet - ing

nœ œ œ œ J my

a - way

œ

Wan - der - ers

Œ

œ œ nœ

‰ Œ.

j œ œ œ œ œ

are

œ J

Œ

œ

œ œ. J

-

Œ.

it

œ

ROBBIE: But because of me you had to give it all up. JAMES: No. Robbie, it was because of me. Look, what I want is normal.

106

j j œ œ œ to

go

j œ dutch

∑

'rants

-

ROBBIE: I don't think so.

117

¢& ‹

-

œ

You

98

#

# p nnnn## œ œ œ

j œ œ œ œ

ROBBIE: Are you sure about this? Are you sure it's what you really want? mp JAMES

## & # .. ‹

¢& ‹

JAMES

Does - n't

87

92

Più mosso q. = 75

rit. NARRATOR (CONT'D): Ramsgate, Dumpton Park, Broadstairs and Margate.

81

87

Œ ∑

More rhythmic h = 100

∑

JAMES

œ

œ

œ

œ

Am

I

too

am

∑ œ

-

rit.

˙

bi - tious?

Œ

U ∑

∑

œ

œ

œ

œ

˙.

Am

I

out

of

touch?

U Œ

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

88

They turn to find their platform as VELCRO runs in (or enters on SIDESADDLE's rickshaw).

122

& ‹

#

2

A Tempo h = 100

2

rit.

####

VELCRO: Robbie! Robbie! Wait!

# ## &# ‹

126

## &## ‹

Moving on h = 110

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

134

## &## ‹

138

˙˙ ˙˙

j œ

œ

œ

j œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

ROBBIE: Velcro!

œœ.. œœ. .

˙˙ ˙˙

j œœ œœ

## &## ‹

j œ

œ

œ.

j œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

˙

˙˙ ˙˙

˙˙ ˙˙

j œœ œœ

œœ. œœ...

œ

œ

œ

j œ œœœ

œœ. œœ...

˙

˙ ˙˙˙

VELCRO: Sorry. (She pulls a face as if to say "stupid me".) She told me about these websites. Anyone can trace a Will.

j œœ œœ

œœ.. œœ. .

˙˙ ˙˙

˙˙ ˙˙

˙˙ ˙˙

˙˙ ˙˙

œœ. œœ .. .

˙˙ ˙˙

# ## & # .. ˙˙˙ ˙ ‹

j œœ œœ

j œ œœœ

œœ. œœ...

œ œœœ

œ

œ

œ

ROBBIE: (the penny drops.): Of course I was. VELCRO: Exactly. Well guess what. You're the sole Benny . . . you're the sole Bennyfish . . .

˙ ˙˙˙

œœ

œœ

j œœ œœ

œœ. œœ...

˙˙ ˙˙

˙ ˙˙˙

j œ œ œ œ

œœ.. œ.

˙˙ ˙˙

œœ

œ œ

˙˙ ˙˙

VECRO (cont'd): Oh, it's all yours, here y'are. (Hands him an envelope) ROBBIE (reading it): I knew it. Thank you Mum. You didn't let me down.

nw n nw ww

ww w w

152

# ## &# ‹

œ.

JAMES: Marilyn?

VELCRO: Yeah, you know...well of course you know.

147

156

j œ

œ

ROBBIE: There is no Will. VELCRO: No, no you were told there's no Will. By Les' solicitor.

## &## ‹

142

j œ

œ

œ

VELCRO: I spoke with Marilyn

130

## &## ‹

ROBBIE: Cro! What are you doing here?



JAMES: I don't believe it . . .

j œ œœœ

œœ.. œœ. .

w w ww

˙

VELCRO: No it's true.

˙ ˙˙˙



JAMES: I mean that. Look . . .

˙˙ ˙˙

œ. œœ.. œ.

˙ ˙˙ ˙

j œ

j œ œœ œ

œ

œ

œ

œ

j œ œœœ

œ. œœ.. œ.

œ

˙ ˙˙˙

NARRATOR: James has spotted the live news screen on the station platform which is flashing up a breaking news story.

˙˙ ˙˙

œœœ... œ.

j œœ œœ

˙˙ ˙˙

˙˙˙ ˙

˙˙ ˙˙

œœ. . œœ..

j œœ œœ

œœ. . œœ..

j œ œœœ

œ œœœ

œ

œ

œ

Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

## &## ‹

˙ ˙˙ ˙

# ## &# ‹

˙˙ ˙˙

160

164

89

NARRATOR (cont'd): "William George forced to stand down after assistant Sasha Larkin

˙ ˙˙ ˙

œœ. œœ .. .

j œœ

œœ

œœ

˙ ˙˙˙

œœ

˙ ˙˙˙

alleges sexual harrassment in the workplace" JAMES: Good on you, Sasha. About time too.

˙˙ ˙˙

j œ œ

œœ.. œ.

œœ

œ œ

œ œ

nw nnw ww

ww w w

ROBBIE: Well, see you in a bit. When all this has blown over. VELCRO: Talking of blowing over, have you told him?

# ## & # n˙ ‹

167

## &## ‹

170

174

& ‹ 178

& ‹

#

#

w œœ

˙

œ

œ

OPTIONAL 2 BAR VAMP - 2nd time only

JAMES: Told me what?

œ

œ J

œ

œ J

œ

˙

w œœJ

œœ

œœ

VELCRO: Where he’s scattering the ashes.

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ROBBIE

182

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high?

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

90

° bb b œ œ & b J ‹ 194

Oth - ers

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to

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Freely 216

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91

No. 16

Bows First full chorus

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

92 39

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

° ## œ & 51

SIDESADDLE

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Soho Cinders — Vocal Book

94

° bb & bœ 66

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