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SEX Decoded and Explained By Tom Anderson
Contents INTRODUCTION Who is this book for? What’s the goal of this book? Why did I write this book? CHAPTER 1 SEX IS A GAME HELP WOMEN FULFILL THEIR SEX FANTASIES THE DARK SIDE OF SEX CHAPTER 2 HOW WOMEN CHOOSE MEN DON'T THINK. FEEL... WE ARE HUNTER-GATHERERS WHAT DO MEN LOOK FOR IN WOMEN? WHAT DO WOMEN LOOK FOR IN MEN? THE 4 LAWS OF SEX First Law of Sex: Create Sexual Attraction Second Law of Sex: Create Emotional Connection Third Law of Sex: Create Trust Fourth Law of Sex: Create Social Status FACTS ABOUT THE 4 LAWS OF SEX CHAPTER 3 SOCIAL CONDITIONING AND WHY IT KILLS ATTRACTION THE LIBERATION OF WOMEN THE DOMESTICATION OF MEN HONESTY - THE ONLY SOLUTION TO SOCIAL CONDITIONING CHAPTER 4 SEXUAL ATTRACTION THEORY OF OPPOSITES FEMININITY The Passive Part of Femininity The Active Part of Femininity MASCULINITY The Passive Part of Masculinity The Active Part of Masculinity IDENTIFICATION AND ATTRACTION HOW TO CREATE SEXUAL ATTRACTION Example 1: Creating arousal on a date Example 2: Creating arousal in the bedroom Example 3: Sadness and arousal Sexual Attraction - Summed Up SEXUAL ATTRACTION, VAGINAL STIMULATION AND ORGASMS Example: Arousal and vaginal stimulation HOW TO GIVE A WOMAN AN ORGASM - IN 3 STEPS Step 1
Step 2 Step 3 Sex Is More than Orgasms CHAPTER 5 HOW TO LEAD A WOMAN, PART 1 – THE BASICS THE 3 STEPS OF LEADING Step 1 of Leading: Feelings Step 2 of Leading: Make a Decision Step 3 of Leading: Your Partner’s Response Example 1: Going Out to Eat Example 2: Ass Spanking LEADING, DOMINATING AND CONTROLLING CHAPTER 6 EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WHAT IS EMOTIONAL CONNECTION? HOW TO CREATE EMOTIONAL CONNECTION Example 1: Emotional Connection and Doggy-Style Example 2: Emotional Connection and Blowjobs Example 3: Emotional Connection and Lovemaking Example 4: Emotional Connection at the Movies HOW MUCH EMOTIONAL CONNECTION MUST YOU CREATE? Example 1: Dinner date Example 2: Massage CHAPTER 7 HOW TO CHANGE A WOMAN'S EMOTIONS CHANGING EMOTIONS – INDIRECTLY CHANGING EMOTIONS – DIRECTLY CHAPTER 8: FUCKING AND LOVEMAKING FUCKING LOVEMAKING FUCKING VS. LOVEMAKING CHAPTER 9 HOW TO LEAD A WOMAN, PART 2 - HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION MIXED SIGNALS 3 reasons for mixed signals HOW TO CREATE TRUST COMMANDING, ASKING AND DOMINATING CHAPTER 10 SELF-DEVELOPMENT - THE ONLY WAY TO GREAT SEX BELIEFS KNOWLEDGE EXPERIENCE PRESENCE CHAPTER 11
HOW TO LEAD A WOMAN, PART 3 - ‘NO’ DOESN’T ALWAYS MEAN STOP THE LIKE/DISLIKE CONCEPT THE DO-IT-AGAIN CONCEPT CHAPTER 12 THE ART OF PERSUASION (18 PERSUASION TECHNIQUES FOR THE BEDROOM) 18 PERSUASION TECHNIQUES 1. Leading 2. Repetition 3. Motivation 4. Compliments (Positive reinforcement) 5. Being patient 6. Let it become her fantasy 7. Being calm and assertive 8. Use aggression 9. "Do you trust me?" 10. "Do it for me!" 11. "I want..." or “I want you to…” 12. "I know." 13. Freeze the situation 14. “Don’t stop me.” 15. Knowledge and experience 16. Leading in detail 17. Have fun! 18. Right attitude (Expect a positive outcome) APPENDIX 1 SOCIAL STATUS SOCIAL STATUS AND STATUS SYMBOLS What about other status symbols? APPENDIX 2 HOW TO LEAD A WOMAN, PART 4 – PATIENCE PATIENCE, MASCULINITY AND THE STONE AGE HUNTER PATIENCE AND ANTICIPATION Example 1: The First Kiss Example 2: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
Introduction Who is this book for? This book is for any man who has a deep love for women and wants to learn how to satisfy women in bed. It’s especially helpful for men who have problems attracting and relating to women in a sexual setting. This book focuses on how to please women sexually. It’s my belief that most men get the greatest satisfaction in bed from satisfying women.
What’s the goal of this book? At a basic level, all women are similar, and all women want the same things from men. For instance, all women get turned on when a man takes control and leads. At a more superficial level, women are of course different from each other. For instance, some women get turn on by a massage, while others find a massage annoying. In other words, at a deep level there are some universal “laws” when it comes to attraction and sex. There are some things all women look for and want from men. The goal of this book is to teach you what all women have in common at a basic level, and what all women search for in a sexual relationship. When you know what women have in common at a basic level, you’ll feel confident that you can satisfy any woman you’ll meet. When you meet a new sexual partner, start with the basics – the “laws” of sex. Just as the laws of physics are universal, the laws of sex are
universal as well – they will always work. Then later on, you can find out what’s specific with your new sexual partner. This is not a typical sex tips book, which gives you superficial advice. After you’ve read this book you’ll understand that getting superficial advice doesn’t help, unless you first understand the basic laws of sex.
Why did I write this book? I wrote this book simply because I had to. I had no skills with women, and I had no idea how to satisfy women in bed. I tried to learn about sex from sex guides and sex manuals, but they didn’t seem to help me. When I read typical sex guides, I usually get surprised. There isn’t much in them I can use. Most of them are worthless. As I see it, there are two different types of sex guides. The first type is typically written by male scientists. These books are interesting, especially for a nerd like me. The problem is that after reading them you know everything about sex, except how to do it. The other type is usually written by women. These books are filled with common knowledge, such as: - Take charge and lead your woman. - Women are attracted to confidence. - 20 tantric sex positions that will transform your sex life. This didn’t help me at all… Of course I know I have to lead. But tell me how, because I have no idea. Of course women are attracted to confidence, but I don’t have any. How do I “do” confidence? And why do I need to know 20 sex positions? I can’t even get a woman wet.
The only books that actually taught me something practical and useful were written by pick-up artists. These books opened up a whole new world to me. Finally someone who could tell me how to treat women. They could even explain the psychology behind it. These were no-nonsense books written by men with real life experience. The only problem with these books was that they’re about pick-up. I wanted to satisfy women in bed. Since great relationships and amazing sex were more important to me than anything else in my life, I knew what I had to do. I had to learn the theory behind sex, and find out what sex was all about. I had to write the sex guide I always wanted to read. A decade later, it’s finally done…
Chapter 1 Sex Is a Game Really...? Sex isn't real? No it isn't. Sex is not real life. It's just a game. If you don't understand this, then throw your condoms in the trash, and cancel your date for tonight. Your sex life would be a bore anyway. Sex is like a movie. Can you imagine watching a movie about an average guy, with an average job, having an average day, where nothing out of the ordinary happens? Probably not. Usually it is movies with bizarre storylines and unlikely characters that are most popular. Superhero movies are good examples. Why do we love Clark Kent aka Superman? He's out of this world – literally. There’s nothing real about him. Or is there? The reason why we guys love watching Clark Kent save the world is because his feelings and emotions are real. It’s all about feelings and emotions. Perhaps the storyline is absurd, but every man knows what Clark Kent feels when he saves the world. If you're a woman reading this, then you have no idea what it feels like for us guys when we have the chance to be the hero. It's deeply ingrained in us.
That's why we love Clark Kent. We understand his feelings, and we want to feel them too. Having sex is like being in a movie. The things you choose to do might be miles away from what you do in your "real life". You can even do things that are considered sick and dirty by normal standards. The role or character you play when having sex may be different from your daily "average" persona. The thing is:
Sex is a game. And that's what makes it fun and exciting. Normal rules do not apply. The most dreaded thing for a woman when it comes to sex is being in a relationship with a man who doesn't treat sex as a game. Her sex life would be a drag. It would be like watching that movie about the average guy with the average life every time she had sex. There would be no fun and excitement. And what's the point of having sex without fun and excitement? Isn't that what sex is all about - having fun. When you understand that sex is a game, you’ll realize that you can do anything with your sexual partner(s). Nothing is right or wrong anymore. You and your girl can do whatever you feel like doing. There are no limits anymore. I believe the internet has been an eye-opener when it comes to sex. For instance, only a couple of decades ago, women who liked giving blowjobs were seen as abnormal, and maybe even sick. These kinds of faulty and limiting beliefs couldn't survive the online porn revolution. Today, it's more accepted that anything goes when it comes to sex. Nothing is unnatural or unhealthy anymore. You can do anything you feel like, as long as it's between consenting adults.
This doesn’t mean you have to do something out of the ordinary. It only means that there isn't anything wrong with you whatever you choose to do. When I started to learn about relating to women sexually, I had concerns about "hurting" women. I had questions on my mind that needed answers. Here are some of them: - How does she know that this is just a game? - If I call her a whore in bed, won't she get offended? - How can she understand that I get excited when I spank her? I'm not trying to hurt her in any way. These types of questions are absurd from a woman’s point of view. Women know instinctively that sex is a game. They only care about what feels right in the present moment. If your partner is highly aroused, and she knows that you love her, then calling her a whore and spanking her will excite her. She won't care about what's considered normal. The only thing that matters to her is what her feelings and instincts are telling her. And right now, while you're fucking her, she's so horny that being called a whore and being "abused" feels both natural and normal. When we look at men and women's sex fantasies, it becomes clear that doing unusual and absurd things in the bedroom isn't only normal, it's important for our mental health as well. It's a way to release our suppressed emotions.
Help Women Fulfill Their Sex Fantasies Here we're going to look at the close relationship between sex fantasies and 'sex as a game'. This relationship is more important than just learning about different kinds of female fantasies.
After finishing this book you’ll have a deep understanding of what women look for when it comes to sex. But for now, forget about all the different kinds of female sex fantasies. Instead, let us focus on how we can help women fulfill their fantasies. Let's choose one of the more common female (and male) sex fantasies as an example: 'The rape fantasy'. You may not understand why this is such a common sex fantasy for both men and women, and that's alright. You'll understand it later. For now, you have to trust me on this one. It's my belief that women want to live out most of their sex fantasies, even 'rape fantasies'. Does this mean that women secretly want to be raped...? Of course not. You‘ll never find a healthy woman who wants to be taken against her will, even though most women have these fantasies. If this confuses you, then you don't yet understand that sex isn't real life, it's a game. A woman doesn't want to be raped in real life, she wants to be "raped" through sex, together with a man she trusts. Since she can stop her partner at any time, it's of course not rape. But instead, it's an illusion of rape. The only part of it that’s real is the feelings she feels when she's taken with force and aggression. Side note: Don't confuse this with abuse. Everything in this book is based on how to have sex in a positive and loving way. You may ask, "What's the point? Why go to the extreme?" These questions don't make any sense. What's the point of watching a movie? It isn't real. And what's the point of watching a really scary movie, when you can watch a movie that's just a little bit scary? The thing is, it's all about feelings and emotions.
Why does a boxer love to beat the hell out of his opponent in the ring? Well, because it feels so damn good... And why does a man love to fuck the hell out of his wife? Yes, that's right: Because it feels so damn good. For this to sink in, let me tell you again:
Sex is all about feelings and emotions. It's not what you do, it’s what you feel. Even though a boxer enjoys beating his opponent in the ring, it doesn't mean he likes violence outside the ring (in the real world). And the fact that he gets out his masculinity inside the ring, means he doesn't feel the need to beat up innocent victims outside the ring. It becomes a form of therapy. His suppressed masculine feelings, like aggression and anger, are released in a safe and positive way. It's the same with sex. You do it for the fun of it, and you take it to the extreme because you'll feel more. If you for example want to make tender love to your girlfriend, you don't want her to feel a little love and intimacy. You'll make sure she feels more love and intimacy than she's ever felt before. You take it to the extreme. Maybe moderation is the way to go in most parts of life. But not when it comes to sex. There's no need to hold back on feelings and emotions in the bedroom. If your girlfriend enjoys being held down and taken forcefully (rape fantasy), then let her get that satisfaction. To her, it doesn't only feel good, it's therapeutic as well. Suppressed feminine emotions are released, just as you release your suppressed masculine emotions by taking her forcefully. It feels amazing for both you and your girlfriend, and since it is a game, no one gets hurt in the process.
To illustrate the fact that you don't live out sex fantasies in real life, but through sex, let us look at another example. Let's say your wife is a nurse and one of her sex fantasies is to sexually please her patients. Pleasing others goes down to the core of femininity. And since your wife has chosen to be a nurse, this need to please others is even stronger in her than in most women. How can you help your wife live out this 'need to please' fantasy? One thing you can be certain of is that she doesn’t want to live out her fantasy in real life. There's no chance she'll start having sex with her patients, even though that's her fantasy. She wants to live out her fantasy in the bedroom, with someone she loves and trusts. So, what do you do? How do you help your wife satisfy her need to please? It not necessary to tell your wife to put on her nurse uniform, and act like you're her patient. That's not how most sex fantasies are lived out. It's nothing wrong with role-playing, but it's impractical, since your wife likely feels the need to please every time she has sex. The feeling of pleasing is what's important to your wife, not the acting. Do I have to tell you again? Okay, here it is: Sex is about what you and your partner feel, not what you do. What you actually tell her to do, can be anything. As long as she feels the satisfaction of pleasing you. For instance, you can ask her to give you a blowjob. Tell her how you like it, and give her plenty of compliments as she's pleasing you. The compliments will make her proud for doing a good (blow)job. And also, to teach her what you like, so she knows what to do the next time she feels the need to please you.
Another example of what you can do to help your wife live out her 'need to please' fantasy is to tell her to clean you after sex. She has chosen to be a nurse for a reason. She loves to take care of others, especially the one she loves. For instance, right after you orgasm, and as you lie exhausted beside her in bed, you may whisper into her ear, "Will you please clean me...?" She'll be delighted to do this for the man she loves. She can do something that's in her nature - taking care of others. There's another interesting connection between sex fantasies and 'the game of sex'. This is best explained with an example: You've met this great girl and you're spending a lot of time together in bed, trying to find out what both of you like sexually. And one of the things you like to do in bed is having anal sex. You find out that she's never tried anal sex. She isn't against it, she just hasn't thought about it. And since she hasn't thought about it, anal sex is obviously not one of her fantasies. You realize she needs to get used to the idea, so you don't push it. It's enough for now that she knows that you like anal sex. You give her some time to think about it. The next time she's alone and masturbating, it's likely she'll start thinking and fantasizing about anal sex. This is a safe way for her to test it out in her own head, before she eventually tries it out with you. Even though it's a fantasy in her mind, the feelings she's experiencing are real. If she likes these feelings, she will be more comfortable trying it out with you. In this way sex fantasies are useful to get used to new ideas. As you'll learn in chapter 4, men are the creative force when it comes to sex. We come up with new, exciting, and sometimes insane ways to have sex, and women need time to get used to these new ideas.
Fantasizing about them will help a woman get used to these new ideas in a safe environment. Inside her own head should be safe enough. Another aspect of this has to do with the fact that we guys watch more porn than women, and we've seen different ways to have sex. This isn't a problem, since women don't like to be the creative force in bed anyway, and therefore appreciate men who know how to have sex in different ways. Your girlfriend may not say she likes you watching porn, but she won't complain when you regularly come up with new ways to blow her mind. Before we move on to the next chapter, where we’ll explore the science behind sex, I want to straighten out a common misunderstanding when it comes to sex. There's a lot of confusion when it comes to sex, especially for those of us living in a Christian society. The confusion has to do with ‘the dark side of sex’.
The Dark Side of Sex Is sex good, or is it bad? Is sex supposed to be dirty, or should it be beautiful? Is sex a manifestation of love, or is it a way to live out our darkest, filthiest desires? Let me begin by telling you about an interesting and funny reaction I got from a Catholic woman I dated. One night, while having wild and dirty sex, I started my usual dirty talk. Nothing out of the ordinary, just things like, “You’re my dirty little whore, aren’t you?” Side note: As I mentioned earlier, this is acceptable and exciting for most women,
as long as it fits with what you're doing. Calling a woman a whore in a non-sexual situation is always a bad idea. And it’s of course very insulting. The special thing about this girl was that she was very religious, and she had a problematic relationship to sex. She saw sex as something negative, except when actually having sex. Then she transformed into this horny little devil. Since I knew she had a problematic relationship with sex, I had to ask her if she liked being called a whore. After sex, as we lay in bed talking, I simply said, “You liked that I called you a whore, didn’t you?” Her response was clear enough. With real anger in her voice she said, “NO!!” Then the funniest thing happened. Two seconds later, her face transformed. A crooked devilish smile appeared. Then she said with a low and shameful voice, “Maybe a little…” This illustrates the problematic relationship many of us have to sex. We love the darker and dirtier side of sex, but we're also confused. Isn’t sex supposed to be romantic and beautiful? The thing is, ‘sex’ is a broad term. It's better if we split the word 'sex' into ‘fucking’ and ‘lovemaking’. Both fucking and lovemaking are considered sex, which is kind of strange since they're two very different acts. Let’s go back to the movies to get some perspective. Most of us love funny movies, but most of us also love horror movies. We love to feel fear, and we love to see people fight and get killed in movies. Most of us, if not all of us, have a light and a dark side - and we love them both.
On the one side, there are comedies and romantic movies. These movies bring out the light side of humans. On the other side there are action, horror and thrillers. These movies bring out the dark side. It’s just the way we are - it’s our human nature. We have a light side and a dark side. So why do people find this problematic? We've been social conditioned to believe that certain things are good, and certain things are bad. Humor, romance, being nice, smiling, and making love are good. While anger, aggression, fear, selfishness, being dirty, and fucking are bad. This conditioning is so ingrained in our Christian society that most of us don’t even question its validity. Even if you're an atheist, you're still social conditioned to think this way. The problem with this good vs. evil or heaven vs. hell view of the world is that it’s dead wrong. Aggression isn’t bad, it’s just aggression. Having dirty sex isn’t bad, it’s just dirty sex. There's no need for labeling. When I was a kid, I loved playing video games, especially violent ones. My mother was worried that this would make me a violent person. And guess what? I became a violent person. Or to be more precise, I'm born a violent person. Aggression and violence is part of who I am. Someday I may even get to use it in real life. If I have kids of my own someday, I'm sure my aggression will become useful if someone tries to hurt then. Until then, I have my video games… and of course my bedroom. Context is everything. There's nothing good or bad. There's only right or wrong action compared to the specific situation you're in. ‘Fucking’ isn’t only an excellent way to let out the dark side of our human nature, it’s the main way to get these feelings and emotions out. Kids have video games and play fighting, and we have sex.
For a man it feels great to take a woman with force and aggression. For a woman, it feels equally great to be taken with force and aggression to accept that she's a “whore” by nature. Outside the bedroom, she can enjoy being a lady. But right now, in the bedroom, she can just let go and indulge in her dark side. She can be the “dirty little whore”. Back to my Catholic girlfriend. Why did my Catholic girlfriend love being my ‘dirty little whore’? Her natural instincts were telling her that this is an important part of who she is. Having wild dirty sex is a natural part of being a healthy adult human being. It’s called ‘fucking’. And that’s what we do. And why did my Catholic girlfriend hate being my ‘dirty little whore’? She's conditioned by her society to suppress her natural human instincts. She has learned that this world is black and white, and of course, she wants to be white. Even though black is so much more liberating and exciting - especially in the bedroom.
Fucking is supposed to be dirty, filthy, and sick. Lovemaking is supposed to be beautiful, romantic and intimate. I don’t know about you, but I love comedies. And sometimes I love thrillers as well. Sometimes I want to make love, and sometimes I just want to fuck. I let my emotions decide what I’ll do. They're never right or wrong, they're just emotions…
Chapter 2 How Women Choose Men In this chapter we're going to look at the biological reasons for having sex, and how men and women are hard-wired differently. I believe it's an advantage to understand the basic biological differences between men and women. This will help you understand how women choose men. If you aren’t that into science and stuff, then just keep on reading, I'm going to make this easy. If you on the other hand are a science geek like me, remember that this isn't a science book. I have to take some shortcuts to make it practical. Before we look at how and why sex is different for men and women, let's look at a common problem with our scientific society.
Don't Think. Feel... Do we have sex for procreation? Or do we have sex because it feels good? Most of the time people have sex, they don’t want babies. So it has to be because it feels good, right? If that's so, why does sex feel good? Why don't we humans, like most other animals, only have sex when we want to procreate? Biologically speaking, we don't have sex because it feels good. Sex is for procreation. That’s the real reason. The fact that it feels good is a trick of our genes. Our genes trick us into having sex by using our feelings. Why is this important to know?
If we don’t know that our feelings govern our sex life, we might think we're using our rational mind. But logical thinking has nothing to do with sex. It’s only feelings and instincts that are important when we choose who we have sex with. In that sense, it’s no difference between us humans and any other animal. If any other animal manage to have sex without using rational thinking, so can we. In fact, if we try to use our logical mind instead of our feelings and instincts when it comes to sex, we'll only screw things up. Our logical mind is useful to solve some specific types of problems, but most of the things we do in life, including sex, have nothing to do with our logical mind. Think of the important things a housefly has to do before it dies. It has to find food, stay alive and procreate. That's basically it. And for us humans: We have to find food, stay alive and have sex. I've never heard of a housefly reading sex manuals, but they seem to multiply quite well. We've become obsessed with using our rational mind on everything, even when it's unnecessary and harmful. Why can't we just eat when we're hungry, run away from danger when we feel fear, and have sex when we're aroused. Every animal does this easily - except us humans. Let me illustrate this with an example: Have you ever been in a bar and watched how some men seduce women with ease. For instance, a man walks straight up to a woman and start talking. Ten minutes later, they're making out. You listen in, trying to hear what he's saying. And you're amazed because he doesn’t say anything special at all. He's just small talking.
You're standing there, trying to use your 140 IQ brain to figure out why an average intelligent man is now making out with a beautiful woman, while you're standing there thinking about it. You try to seduce women by using a tool that's not suited for the job. Rational thinking has nothing to do with sexual attraction and love. It’s like trying to figure out how much water you need to drink today by calculating all the variables. Why not use the right tool for the job, your feelings. Just drink when you're thirsty, problem solved. One important aspect of this book is to teach you how to attract women, and how to have sex without using your rational thinking mind. Now, let's go back to biology and look at why men and women are hard-wired differently.
We Are Hunter-Gatherers Why is it acceptable for most men to have sex with women they barely know? While women need to feel an emotional connection before having sex? How can a hardworking, successful businessman be so stupid to have sex with an annoying, self-centered young model? And how can a beautiful young model choose to be with an old businessman? It’s impossible to understand the differences between men and women without looking at human evolution, and how we used to live. Evolution hasn't caught up with our modern world. It hasn't even caught up with the agriculture revolution, which started around 10,000 BC. This means that human nature is stuck in the Stone Age. We are nothing other than Stone Age hunter-gatherers. In other words, to seduce and satisfy women sexually, you have to understand what women in the Stone Age looked for in men.
Side note: I’m the first to admit that some of the biology in this book is rather speculative. Even though biology is one of my passions, I have no formal education. And more importantly, human courtship is so complex that even biologists don’t know much about how men and women choose sexual partners. Please have an open mind and make your own conclusions. The goal of this book is to teach you what works – not to make you a scientist. Let's start with what we men look for in women.
What Do Men Look for in Women? As with every other living thing, the only purpose for our existence is to get our genes to the next generation, biologically speaking of course. Everything we do, feel and think has its roots in that fact. When we look at what men search for in women, everything has to do with getting the most possible genes, and the best genes to the next generation. What's the best strategy for men to accomplish this? - Have sex with a large amount of women. - Have sex with, and marry the youngest fertile women available. - Have sex with the most beautiful women available. - Have sex with, and marry women who are good workers, and who are nurturing and caring. - Protect and provide food to as many of your wives and children as possible. Since it’s important for our genes that we follow this strategy, we have developed a feeling called sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is the
feeling you get when you want to have sex. (Also called arousal, being turned on, being horny, and so on.) It's the way our genes make sure we follow the strategy mentioned above. Or to put it in another way: Our genes are selfish. They don't care about anything else than to survive to the next generation. They don't trust us to make the right decisions, so they make us feel uncomfortably horny when a suitable woman is in reach. I’m sure you know the feeling… And what’s a suitable woman for our genes? Well, what makes you horny? Let me guess: Youth, beauty and caring behavior. Why are we guys programmed by our genes to be sexually attracted to young, beautiful, caring women? Back to biology: - A young wife can raise more children than an older wife. (More offspring) - Beauty reflects a woman's fertility, and the quality of her genes. (Healthy offspring) - A caring woman will nurture and protect her children. (Healthy and safe offspring) Men who were sexually attracted to older, less beautiful and less caring women didn’t get as many genes to the next generation. These genes eventually died out. Today, many generations later, every man alive is therefore sexually attracted to young, beautiful, caring women. It's in our DNA.
Why some refer to these men as “dirty, old pigs”? Well, I have no idea. This has nothing to do with biology, since every man, regardless of age, is genetically programmed to get aroused by young, beautiful and caring women.
What Do Women Look for in Men? Women are attracted to young, handsome, muscular men in designer suits and fast cars. If you live in the modern western world, there's a good chance you actually believe this. Even if you rationally know this isn’t true, you've heard it all your life, so you feel that it's true. Now let's look at the facts. Choosing a sexual partner is different for women than it is for us guys. The most important reason for this is that women are the ones getting pregnant. Let's look at the time aspect. For a man, sex is maybe ten minutes of fun. For a woman, sex is ten minutes of fun, 9 months of pregnancy, and several years of child rearing. Of course, the man helps with child rearing as well, but he doesn’t have to. The woman has no choice. This means that if a woman chooses to have sex with the wrong man - a man who doesn’t support her - then her child may die, and she has wasted several years of her short fertile life. From this "little" mistake her genes may get extinct. This scares the hell out of these selfish genes. They've stayed alive for millennia, and they aren’t giving up without a fight. The result of this is:
Today, women are choosy when it comes to men - as you probably already know. Women who didn't care much about who they had sex with didn't get their genes passed on to the next generation. Only the choosy genes survived. If a woman isn't almost 100% sure that a man will stay with her, and provide for her family, then she won't have sex with him. A woman is genetically programmed to say 'no' to men, even when she's aroused. Being horny is not enough for a woman to jump into bed with a man. Side note: All this doesn’t mean you have to live in a traditional monogamous relationship to have sex. The only thing a woman needs to know about you is: Do you care about her or not? If she feels that you care about her, then she knows on a subconscious/genetic level that you won't leave her if she gets pregnant. Biologically speaking, her genes are safe. The fact that we today live in a modern society with contraception and child support isn't relevant, since sex is about instincts and feelings automatically generated by our genes. When it comes to sex, it's not our rational mind that's in control. So, what's the difference between men and women? For a man, it’s all about sexual attraction. If he's horny, he's going to have sex. There are of course some rational factors he has to consider, such as infidelity. But on a subconscious/instinctive level, sexual attraction is the only factor he has to consider. For a woman however, it’s much more complex. Sexual attraction (arousal) is not enough for her to say 'yes' to sex. There are four different factors which are important to women when it comes to choosing to have sex, and choosing a sexual partner. All of them are on a subconscious/instinctive/emotional level.
I call these four factors 'the 4 laws of sex'.
The 4 Laws of Sex This is why you’re reading this book, even if you don't know it yet. You want to learn these 4 laws. First Law of Sex: Create Sexual Attraction (Chapter 4) Second Law of Sex: Create Emotional Connection (Chapter 6) Third Law of Sex: Create Trust (Chapter 9) Fourth Law of Sex: Create Social Status (Appendix 1) Learn how to use these 4 laws of sex, and you won't have any difficulty bringing a woman to bed. Your wife or a one-night stand, it doesn’t really matter. These 4 factors are what every woman looks for in a man. If you also use the 4 laws of sex in the bedroom, you'll give a woman a kind of fulfillment she probably never has experienced before. How do I know this? I know this because women tell me how frustrated they are with men. Women want to meet men who understand what they need. And sadly for women, most men don't understand what women need. I don't want you to be like most men. When a woman meets a man who understand what she wants and needs, she'll treat him like a king. Even if he doesn't want a monogamous relationship, she doesn’t care, as long as she can be a part of his life and get more of what she wants. And if he wants to end the relationship, she'll be happy for the time they had together, and she'll appreciate all the love and affection she has experienced.
Side note: It's okay for most women to end a sexual relationship, as long as they know they're loved and respected. This has to do with a woman’s safety. If a woman is loved and respected, then she knows she will be supported by you and her society. If she can’t have sex with you anymore, she’ll just find someone else. Meaning: Her life and her genes are not at risk. All of the 4 laws of sex are essential when a woman chooses to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to sex. If one of them is missing, it's impossible for her to have sex. Did you get that? Let me say that again:
It is IMPOSSIBLE for a woman to have sex without sexual attraction, emotional connection, trust and social status. Why? Let's go through the biology behind the 4 laws of sex, so you can understand why women need these four factors to have sex. Later in this book I’ll explain, in detail, how to deal with the 4 laws of sex in a more practical manner. But for now, let's stick to biology.
First Law of Sex: Create Sexual Attraction Sexual attraction (arousal) is the feeling you feel went you want to have sex. Don't ever forget that this is a feeling - it's not a rational choice. When you see an attractive woman, you don't choose to get turned on. It's an instant automatic response, programmed by your genes. Your genes, or your subconscious if you will, know you’re in presence of a highly fertile woman, and they generate the feeling of arousal. This
automatic response bypasses your rational mind, and you have no control over it. You can of course choose to not act on your feelings of arousal - and sometimes that’s wise - but you can't stop arousal from appearing in the first place. Side note: There are some men who suppress their feeling of arousal. This is a bad idea. In the long run, our basic feelings - fear, hunger, arousal - are much stronger than our rational mind (or our morality). We have all heard stories of what this suppression can lead to. For women, the feeling of arousal is the same as it is for us guys. Women get turned on when they're in the presence of an attractive man. The big difference is what women are attracted to. An attractive man is different from an attractive woman. As we’ve seen, it's crucial for men to get turned on by young beautiful women, since they've the best genes and since they can "produce" more children before they become infertile. For women however, there are no good reasons to get turned on by young, handsome men, since it won’t help the survival of their genes. What women need (in the Stone Age) are men who are good hunters, and men who are good protectors. It would be fatal for a woman if she got turned on and had sex with a man who couldn’t provide food, and couldn’t protect her and her children. This means that women are biologically programmed to get sexually attracted to men who are good hunters and good protectors. But how can women know who the good hunters/protectors are? They can't. At least not on a rational level. Just as men can't know rationally who the most fertile women are, women can't know rationally who the good hunters/protectors are.
So how do we know? We are genetically programmed to react to certain indicators. Men get turned on by beauty, which is an indicator of youth and fertility. And women get turned on by decisiveness, aggression, singleminded focus and attentiveness, which are indicators of good hunting/protector skills. It doesn’t matter that we don't live in the Stone Age anymore. Our genes are the same today. Every woman you’ll ever meet is sexually attracted to these indicators. Today, we call these hunter/protector indicators for 'masculinity'. If women were the Stone Age hunters, these indicators would today be called 'femininity'. My point is, we can't change human nature. Men are men, and women are women. Men will always be attracted to femininity (youth, beauty, innocence, cuteness, shyness, child-like behavior, uncertainty, volatile emotions, etc.) 'And women will always be attracted to masculinity (decisiveness, courage, calmness, aggression, physical strength, etc.). But don't get caught up with all these masculine indicators. Later you’ll learn that being a sexually attractive man (a masculine man) is simpler than you think. Side note: If you’re bisexual or gay, remember that this is human nature too. We are all genetically programmed to be attracted to certain indicators and this programming can't be changed after birth. We can choose to accept it, or we can choose to live a very lonely life. Sexual attraction is essential for both men and women when it comes to having sex. And the feeling of sexual attraction (arousal) is the same for men and women. The only difference is the indicators we are attracted to.
Now, let’s look at the three other factors which are essential for women.
Second Law of Sex: Create Emotional Connection There’s no way I can explain emotional connection with biology. You have to wait for Chapter 6. There I’ll teach you how to do it in real life. For now, you only have to know that emotional connection has to do with feelings of love, respect and intimacy. Why is love, respect and intimacy a requirement for women when having sex? As always with biology, it's about our selfish genes. They want to live on, even after we’re long gone. When a woman feels love, respect and intimacy with a man, then she knows that he feels these feelings too. That means she also knows he won’t leave her. No one leaves someone they love. Therefore, her future and her genes are safe.
Third Law of Sex: Create Trust Trust can be a lot of different things, but when I use the term 'trust' in this book I use it in a specific way. Trust has to do with both the physical and the emotional safety of a woman.
Physical Safety Imagine that you’re a woman in a club (yes, I know... that's impossible, but just try...). You see this attractive man, who happens to be turned on by you. He’s decisive, a little aggressive, and twice your size. Would you go home with a decisive, aggressive man twice your size? You sure want to. You’re turned on by him. On the other hand, do you trust him? Will he be nice to you?
There would be a terrible strategy for a woman’s genes to have sex with a man who would hurt her or kill her in the process. This means that women are genetically programmed to say 'no' to men they don't trust.
Emotional Safety I believe most people are more afraid of being hurt emotionally than physically. When it comes to sex and love, everybody has their guard up. Since it's necessary for a woman to feel an emotional connection before having sex (the second law of sex), she has to say ‘no’ to sex if she can’t let her emotional guard down. A man must prove that he won't play with a woman’s feelings before she can say ‘yes’ to sex. In simpler terms: No trust - no sex. Are you starting to see how difficult it is for women to say yes to sex? I’m sometimes surprised that women have sex at all. It's not enough for women to be aroused - there are all these other factors to consider. Women have to - and a mean HAVE TO - feel love and trust as well. It’s your "job" to make sure the woman/women in your life feel arousal, love and trust. If you manage this, you’ll probably have more sex than you can handle. You’ll realize that women love sex as much as you do maybe even more. To make things even more complex, we’ve to look at the fourth factor women need before saying yes to sex.
Fourth Law of Sex: Create Social Status Before we look at why social status is so important to women, let me remind you that I use a very precise language in this book. Most people would say that women are attracted to men with high social status. But this is only correct if you have a broad definition of attraction.
When I use the word ‘attraction’, I only mean the feeling of arousal. Therefore, women are not attracted to social status, but they still want to be with men with high social status. Think of it this way. Imagine that you can choose to be with one of two identical twins. (No, you can’t have them both…). One of the twins has just won the lottery - she’s stinking rich. Who would you choose? The rich twin, of course. This doesn’t mean you are more turned on by the rich twin, even though you want to be with her. A fascinating thing about social status is that it’s much more important to women than it is for men. The reason we guys are so obsessed with social status is because we want women. In that sense, social status is as important to us as it is for women. Why is social status important to women? And what does it have to do with sex? Back to biology and your genes. In a hunter-gatherer society, a good strategy for women would have been to hook up with the man with the highest social status, the tribal chief. No one messes with the leader of the group, and he has more resources than anyone else. A wise woman would go after the leader of the group, or someone close to him. If she’s together with a man with high social status, she would have high social status as well. And she and her children (her genes) would have had a good chance of survival. Today, we don't use the word tribal chief anymore, we use the word celebrity. Are you peeing in your pants right now, because you aren’t a celebrity. And you don't have any social status?
Don't worry. Neither do I. There are ways you can "cheat", and it's easy to do. (More on how you can raise your social status in appendix 1.) You can also compensate with the other laws of sex. Turn a woman on, make her feel love and intimacy, make her trust you, and then she won’t care much about your social status. Maybe your in-laws would care, but she won’t. It's worth mentioning that social status differs from the others laws of sex when it comes to sex itself. Social status is not a factor when having sex. (But it’s an important factor during pick-up and seduction.) So there you have it. The 4 laws of sex explained with biology. This is at best interesting, but useless if you don't know how to create these four factors in real life. I'll guide you through all of the 4 laws, starting with sexual attraction in chapter 4.
Facts about the 4 Laws of Sex Before we move on to what I consider the great killer of sexual attraction - social conditioning, let’s look at some interesting facts about the 4 laws of sex. The 4 laws of sex are something you create or do, it's not something you are or something you have. This means you can choose to create them anytime you want. It's something you do. I really hope you get that. You can "make" women say 'yes' to sex whenever you want, as long as you create all of the 4 laws of sex. The 4 laws of sex have to be present before sex (pickup/date/foreplay).
If you don't create sexual attraction, emotional connection, trust and social status on a date, you’ll go home alone. And if you don't create sexual attraction, emotional connection, trust and social status with your wife, she won’t sleep with you. She can’t. She is genetically programmed to say ‘no’. Are you with me here? A woman can’t say ‘yes’ to sex, unless you create all of the 4 laws of sex. The 4 laws of sex work on the emotional level. If you want to seduce a woman, or satisfy her in bed - then change her emotions. Let her feel sexual attraction. Let her feel an emotional connection. Let her feel your trust. And let her feel high social status. (How you do this will be explained, in detail, in chapter 4, chapter 6, chapter 9, and appendix 1.) The 4 laws of sex also have to be present when you’re actually having sex. In this chapter I’ve focused on what women have to feel before they say 'yes' to sex. The 4 laws of sex are also essential in the bedroom. The more sexual attraction, emotional connection and trust you can create in the bedroom, the more fulfilled your girlfriend/wife/one-night stand will be. Note: Social status is an exception here. It isn't a factor in the bedroom. Without you creating sexual attraction, emotional connection, and trust when having sex, your bedroom partner will definitely not be satisfied. It doesn’t matter what types of techniques or sexual positions you use. They won’t work without you focusing on the 4 laws of sex.
That's why I want you to learn the basic theory behind sex, and not only sexual techniques. The 4 laws of sex are easy to do. Everyone can do it. Yes, you too. Any man is hard-wired to learn how to create sexual attraction, emotional connection, trust and social status. If not, our species would be extinct. The 4 laws of sex are done by leading. You can't create the 4 laws of sex without knowing how to lead women. In my opinion, the most important question a woman asks herself when she meets a man is: Can he lead? That's the big question any woman (unconsciously) asks herself when she meets a man. Can he lead? Can he make decisions? Have you noticed there are four chapters in this book called, 'How to Lead a Woman'. Now you know the reason. It's that important! Sexual attraction, emotional connection, trust and social status are all created when you lead. Earlier in my life I had no idea how to lead women. But I learned it, and my relationship to women has totally changed. Now, I feel free to build meaningful relationships filled with deep love and affection. I know I can attract women anytime I want to. And it isn't even difficult to do. I want you to learn too. I believe fulfilling sexual relationships change people. Can you imagine how the world would be if every man on this planet has mind-blowing
sex on a regular basis? If every man felt he had the freedom to do anything he wanted with his sexual partner. I'm not trying to save the world here, but I think the world would be a pretty chilled out place. Don’t you agree? If you do, then why don't you do yourself the favor of learning how to please women (and yourself) in bed. Learn the 4 laws of sex, and see for yourself how awesome women are when you treat them right. You deserve it... ...and women deserve it. If I could manage to turn my life around, then so can you. It’s a common misunderstanding that it’s easier for women to have sex than it is for us guys. This couldn't be further from the truth. Remember that it’s impossible for women to have sex if not all of the 4 laws of sex are present. This means that for an attractive woman there are few men to choose from. That’s why the world is filled with sex deprived women. And that’s why you’re going to have a blast when you learn how to give women what they want. Still not sure what women want? Here it is again: - Sexual attraction (arousal) - Emotional connection (love and intimacy) - Trust - Social status The goal of this book is to teach you how to create these four factors by leading.
Chapter 3 Social Conditioning and Why it Kills Attraction If you take animals out of their natural habitat, a peculiar thing happens. They stop procreating. It’s not that they become infertile, they just stop attracting each other. It’s a good thing we're not animals. Can you imagine living in a strange futuristic world where men thought it was difficult to get women to bed. And women couldn’t find attractive men anymore. Would you choose to live in that world? To understand why men and women in our modern world don’t sexually attract each other that much anymore, we have to go back to the 1960’s. In the 60’s something quite amazing happened to our society. For the first time in history, both men and women where partly liberated from their traditional roles. These roles had been a part of human society from the very beginning, even before we evolved into modern humans. This change was groundbreaking for women and men alike. We had more freedom to do what we wanted to do. But with this freedom we also had to pay a price…
The Liberation of Women In the 60’s, women were encourage to take an education, seek out a carrier, and earn their own money. When women were liberated from
their traditional roles of being housekeepers and mothers, they had to change. To succeed in the workplace you have to develop masculine traits like decisiveness and courage. This wasn’t that difficult since men and women are born with both masculine and feminine traits. Women didn’t become less women, they developed and used their masculinity more than their female ancestors. So what’s the problem? What’s the downside? Well, there are no downsides. If a woman develops her masculinity, it’s beneficial for both her and her society. Even when it comes to relationships and sex, it's beneficial. There’s only a problem if she loses contact with her feminine side. Then she becomes less attractive to men. The development of a woman’s masculine side isn’t’ the problem. It’s the lack of development or the suppression of a woman’s feminine side that creates problems. Women don’t seem to manage turning on their femininity when it's appropriate. In a sexual relationship they automatically turn to what they’re most familiar with - their masculinity.
The Domestication of Men For men, we have to go back even further than the 1960’s. Our change started with the agricultural revolution, about 10,000 years ago. We went from being hunters to becoming farmers. We went from the excitement of the hunt to the boredom of watching potatoes grow. We went from killing animals to trying to keep our domesticated animals alive. Our masculine side became less important, although our masculine nature stayed the same. 10,000 years are too short to change human nature. We’re still genetically built to kill.
The second big change for us men coexisted with the liberation of women. While women were encouraged to develop their masculine side, men were encouraged to develop their feminine side. We learned to come in contact with our feelings and to talk about them, and we learned to be sensitive to other people’s needs. At school we learned to sit absolutely still for several hours each day, and we learned that aggression and physical fighting were negative or bad. And most of all, we learned to stop and think before we acted. As with women, this wasn’t a problem in itself. A man will function better in the society if he develops his feminine side. But if he suppresses his masculinity, then he can’t sexually attract women anymore. He’s trying to attract women the only way he knows, with his femininity. He tries to show women how sensitive, thoughtful and caring he is. He tries to impress with his good looks and expensive clothes. And if he’s really desperate, he may even waste his hardearned money on expensive cologne - not very masculine. I’ve been there myself, and it didn’t seem to work. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's an uncomfortable feeling, isn't it? You try and try but nothing happens. You feel like the nicest guy, but not a single woman in this world wants you. Go figure. So, what can you do? What’s the solution? Either you have to change female nature, or you have to change. I’m sure you have heard that most women say they want a ‘nice guy’. Are they lying? It sure seems like it. The nicer you are, the more women despise you.
The thing is, women do want nice men. But most men that think they are nice, are in reality liars. I certainly thought I was a nice guy, but I was a liar. I wasn’t honest with myself. I didn’t know it, but women did. Maybe you are in the same situation, but don’t realize it. If you feel you’re a nice guy, and at the same time have difficulty attracting women, then you’re probably a liar too - just like I was. Pay close attention to the next example. Maybe you recognize yourself.
Honesty - The Only Solution to Social Conditioning A man walks in to a bar. He sees a beautiful woman. She looks at him, and he immediately looks another way. After a couple of minutes he finally approaches her. With a weak and nervous voice he says, “Hi! How are you? You’re very beautiful”. He looks at her and waits for her response. He doesn’t get any. She just looks at him. Now, even more nervous, he asks with an apologetic stuttering voice, “Ehh... Can I buy you a drink...? Maybe?” The woman cringes and looks at her friends, trying to get some help, but they just laugh. She smiles nervously and says, “Thanks for the offer, that's sweet of you, but I’m busy with my friends right now.” A second man walks into the same bar. He sees the same beautiful woman. She looks at him, and he just stands there looking back at her. He slowly starts smiling, and she looks away, trying to hide her own smile. He approaches her decisively.
With a suppressed smile on his face he looks straight into her eyes. He looks slowly down at her body, enjoying the view, and then back at her eyes again. With a clear and assertive voice he says, “I want to buy you for 5 minutes.” She spontaneously starts to giggle. Twisting her body from side to side like a little schoolgirl. He says calmly, “Let’s sit here. I’ll buy you a drink.” They sit down and start talking. What’s the difference between these two men? The second man has confidence, and the first man doesn’t? No, that's not it. That’s way too simplistic. The difference is: The second man is honest. The first man isn’t. The first man is trying to get the woman by manipulating her. He isn’t honest with himself, and she knows it. He acts like he‘s just an amazing guy, who unselfishly gives things, such as compliments and drinks, to people he doesn’t know. And probably it isn’t even an act. He truly believes he’s a nice guy. He doesn’t know he’s lying to himself. But she knows. She knows there’s no such thing as truly unselfish acts. She knows he wants something in return, and she’s creeped out because she feels manipulated. It’s like a stranger stops you on the street and says, “Please take my wallet.” Wouldn’t you be creeped out? It isn’t natural to give things away for free. He‘s acting this way because he's conditioned by his society to believe there’s something bad or evil with his masculinity – that’s why he suppresses it. The second man however, knows he’s a man. And he’s not ashamed of it. He sees the beautiful woman, and feels even more like a man. He
feels how his heart starts beating and his breath deepening. He looks straight at his pray, and he knows exactly what to do. When he goes in for the kill, he feels how powerful he is. There’s no going back now. He feels calm and at ease, even though his blood rushes thru his veins. This is what he’s born to do. The woman feels this right away. She knows she’s his pray. It doesn’t even matter that she’s conditioned to be a strong and assertive woman. She immediately goes to her feminine side - it’s in her nature. She feels her own heart beating as he approaches. She surrenders and lets him go in for the kill. The first man is a typical “nice guy”. The fact that he’s nice and wants to give is not the issue. Being nice is one of the most important things women look for in men. And giving is essential in any relationship. The problem is that he is dishonest. Women want honest men, and a typical “nice guy” is dishonest because he suppresses his masculine nature. He acts likes he doesn’t want anything from the woman, but this is absurd. He is a man - of course he wants something in return. He wants her. The most remarkable thing is that everybody in the bar, except himself, knows that he wants her. His suppression of his true feelings is just astonishing. You can say that it’s a war between your inborn male nature on the one side, and your social conditioning on the other side. If you are a typical “nice guy” (manipulative liar) then your social programming is winning. The key to unlocking your inborn male nature is honesty.
To know what you really want and need - stop the bullshit - and become honest with yourself.
If you aren’t honest with yourself, then forget about women. Women want men who are in contact with their own needs (masculine feelings). They want men who live their own life and make up their own rules. If you suppress your own inborn masculine nature, you’ll never get satisfying relationships with women. Why? Because when you don’t know your true feelings and needs, you’re lying to yourself. And when you’re lying to yourself, you’re lying to women too. You’re trying to give women things like compliments and gifts, while you’re acting like you don’t want anything in return.
The solution is to tell women what you want – directly or indirectly – while you simultaneously give. In the example above the honest man tells the woman indirectly that he wants her by using his body language – he looks at her with lust. He also tells her by using humor - “I want to buy you”. In other words, he doesn’t hide that he wants her. He is honest. The “nice guy” however gets all freaked out because there’s an internal war going on. All his energy and focus is used to suppress his natural male instincts. When he sees the beautiful woman, these instincts/feelings are awakened. But he believes that this is a bad thing. Instead of letting the woman know his true sexual feelings for her, he fights to hide them. The result of this is that he not only comes out as manipulative, he also gets nervous around women. I don’t know about you, but I get nervous when I have to lie. It’s so much more comfortable being honest.
Getting out of social conditioning is a long and difficult process. It has taken me years to get where I am today, but it’s worth it. I can't even imagine how I used to live - if you can call it living at all. I felt like a robot executing the social programming I had been exposed to, without any control over my own life. I didn't feel it was my life I was living, and in a sense it wasn't. My life was just a projection of other people's social conditioning. The fact that I grew up in a Scandinavian social democracy didn’t make it any easier. Here, individualism and personal success (masculine qualities) are looked down upon. We learn from an early age that you shouldn’t think you are anyone special. Risk-taking, pride and assertiveness are seen as vices. The problem with social conditioning is that you don't know how deep you’re in it before you come out of it. It's like being in a religious sect. Everyone on the outside knows how crazy you are, but you have no idea. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then you’re truly f**ked. But don't worry. I think that's unlikely. Maybe you have at least a vague sense that there’s something not quite right with this world. Maybe you feel that the way you behave around women isn’t natural. You have a feeling that it isn't supposed to be like this. That’s a great start. Dive into this fully, and find out what’s wrong with you, your relationship with women, and the world you’re living in. It’s all connected. Soon you’ll see what’s going on, and things will gradually start to change.
Becoming aware of how social conditioning affects your life is essential to coming out of it. Gradually you’ll feel more in control of your own life.
I’ll help you as much as I can, but you have to do the hard work yourself. And it’s truly hard work. That's why so few men know how to satisfy women. And that's why women will stand in line for you when you change yourself for the better. (Yes, I'm exaggerating... I don't have a line of women outside my door...) Most men don't want to change themselves - they like to make excuses instead. “I’m too fat”, “I’m too short”, “I’m too old”, “I’m too poor”… Come on guys… You’re too lazy!! Get to work right now, and improve yourself. It may take years before you see any change, but let me tell you something: No one cares. Not a single person in this world cares if you in ten years from now sit in the exact same chair you sit in now, watching reruns of the same stupid sitcom you’re watching today. And let me tell you another thing. If you do succeed – still no one cares. If you work hard to succeed in life, or if you continue being a social conditioned automaton – people just don’t care.
The only thing you have to decide: Do you care? I’m not your mother, and I’m not here to pamper you. I’m here to tell you straight: If you find it as difficult to relate to women as I did, then you got a shitload of work to be done. That’s all the tough love you’re going to get from me… It’s all up to you now. I can teach you, and I’ll be happy to do so, but you have to do the hard work. I find it amazing that most guys are willing to go to school for years, paying tons of money to get a college degree. But when it comes to
learning how to relate to women, the same guys aren’t willing to spend a dime on improving themselves. Let me ask you. In five years from now, what’s more important to you. To have a high income, or to have a great relationship with a woman? What would make you more satisfied? Of course you can have both. But don’t think for a second that you don’t have to work as hard to get a great relationship as getting a great education. The question you have to ask yourself is not if you can get a great relationship with a woman – of course you can. The question is: Are you willing to do the work? If not, then delete this book right now – it’s not for you. Spend your time with your friends and talk about women instead – like most guys do. Still reading… Great! Let’s do the hard work. You should be proud of yourself for taking this first and most difficult step. Even if you don’t yet feel a change inside yourself, women you’ll meet will. Especially high quality women, since they have gone through the same self-improvement process themselves. They seek men who want to learn and evolve, and they can sense who’s making an effort. A typical problem with social conditioning is that you don't want to get out of it, because if you do, you’ll soon realize that you have to be responsible for your own actions. If you follow others, or if you do what everybody else is doing, you feel no one can blame you when something goes wrong. You were just following "orders". This lack of responsibility is basically what separates boys from men.
Sadly for women, there are a lot of adult boys running around. Women are not attracted to boys, so don't be one. Take responsibility for your own actions, and lead you own life. Did you get that? Lead your own life. Now we’re going to talk about sexual attraction, and you’ll learn why leading is crucial when turning women on. ---
Chapter 4 Sexual Attraction Up to this point you haven’t learn much you can use in real life. I don't want this book to be like so many other books about sex, where you have no idea how to treat women after you’re done reading. In this chapter you’ll learn how to build sexual attraction, and how to turn women on so much that they’re begging you to take them. Although this is simpler than you might think, I have to warn you. The beginning of this chapter is difficult to understand. But don't freak out. It took me a long time to learn and understand this myself. Be patient and read this chapter as many times as you have to. You haven’t really understood this chapter until you say to yourself: "Is it that easy to turn women on!?"
Theory of Opposites Using modern science to explain what’s going on between men and women is interesting, but impractical. If you’ve ever read a science book about sex, you’ll know what I mean. We need a way to look at sex that’s so simple, that it’s easily converted to real life situations. To my knowledge, there’s no theory more suited to explain sex than the yin-yang theory from the philosophy of Taoism. The yin-yang theory has the same function as science - they both try to explain how the world works.
The big difference between the yin-yang theory and science is that science goes into details, while the yin-yang theory looks at the big picture. It’s a theory you can use in your bedroom. I won’t use the words yin and yang in this book, it’s not necessary. But I'll shortly explain how it works. The yin-yang theory is a relativity theory. Everything is divided into two opposite sides, which are linked to each other. One side cannot exist without the other side, like hot and cold, front and back, strong and weak, to lead and to be led, masculine and feminine, to give pleasure and to receive pleasure. That’s all you need to know. It’s perfect for explaining men and women, because when it comes to sex, we are the opposite of each other. Or to be more precise, when it comes to sexual attraction, we are the opposite of each other. Why? Be patient. We'll get there... You still need to learn more theory.
Femininity Even though we men have a feminine side as well, we can’t feel it as strongly as women. It’s impossible for us to feel what women feel when they have sex. The only thing we can do is to try understanding it on a rational level. We can divide femininity into two separate parts. A passive part and an active part.
The Passive Part of Femininity The passive part of femininity consists of everything that has the capacity to change. Feelings, emotions, looks, clothes, thoughts, beliefs, your personality, your life history, your dreams for the future, your job and your bank account. It’s all the objects or things in the world. When I use words like objects and things I also mean feelings and thoughts. Everything that can change is part of femininity. Some things change rapidly, like emotions and thoughts, and some things change slowly, like beliefs and personality. When a woman talks about her plans for the future, or when she talks about what happened at work today, she uses her feminine side. In fact, she becomes more feminine. When she gets dressed for the evening, preparing for a date, she also becomes more feminine. Clothes, make-up, jewelry and shoes are objects, and all objects are part of femininity. When she’s happy, sad or scared, she becomes more feminine, because emotions are part of femininity.
The Active Part of Femininity The active part of femininity has to do with the choices women make. Every time a man leads, a woman has to make a choice - does she accept or reject. Does she say ‘yes’ or ‘no’. The active part of femininity is quite simple. It’s about sending a signal back to the man. This signal can be either ‘yes’ or ‘no’. “Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?” The answer is either ‘yes’ or ‘no’. “Take off your clothes!” The answer is either ‘yes’ or ‘no’. “Turn
around, please. I want to look at your behind.” The answer is either ‘yes’ or ‘no’. I usually think of the active part of femininity as a choice between ‘yes’ and ‘no’. It doesn’t mean that women have to say the actual words 'yes' or 'no'. It’s almost always a subtle signal she sends back to the man. Each time a woman have to make this 'yes' or 'no' choice, she feels more feminine. This is something we guys never really can understand, because we can’t feel it. If you’re like me, you probably get annoyed when someone wants you to do something. Our masculine side feels violated. Masculinity is all about being creative and lead, not being led.
Masculinity Masculinity can also be divided into a passive and active part. These two parts of masculinity are always the opposite of the two parts of femininity. The one cannot exist without the other.
The Passive Part of Masculinity The passive part of masculinity consists of the one thing that doesn’t change, consciousness. There are many words we can use to represents the ever unchanging, such as presence, emptiness, nothingness, God or subject. If you’re not quite sure what I mean with the ever unchanging, then think of your own life. Everything in your life changes, like feelings, thoughts, your body, objects you own and so on. That’s part of your feminine side. The only thing that doesn’t change is what you probably just call 'I'. This feeling of 'I' is the same today as it was ten years ago. It will never change.
It’s the contrast to everything you have or own in your life, such as feelings, thoughts, money, etc. Everything changes in your life, except the "real you", your consciousness. If you meditate, you know what this is. You empty yourself of thoughts and feelings, and what you have left is presence, stillness, your consciousness, subject or whatever you want to call it. If you’re still not sure what this presence really is, then let’s look at an example. In practice it’s not difficult at all. Look at this sentence: “You are looking at a woman” Who is the subject and who is the object? Who is the one that’s looking, and who is being looked at? Who is the consciousness that is looking? ‘You’ are here the masculine (the subject/consciousness). And ‘woman’ is the feminine (the object). If this had been real life and not just a sentence, the woman would have felt more feminine, because someone (a consciousness) is looking at her. And you would have felt more masculine, because you are using your consciousness to look at a person (an object). Have you ever looked at an attractive woman, and this powerful masculine feeling arises in you? Let’s call it the I-want-to-take-youright-now feeling. That’s what I’m talking about. You are the observer, and she is the object you are observing. You’re becoming more masculine, and she’s becoming more feminine. Are you with me here? I told you this was difficult... Relax! By the end of this book this will be a piece of cake for you. It will be so obvious that you don't even need to think about it.
And if you don't see the point of knowing this... Then let me tell you: you'll see the point in a couple of minutes... And you will love it...
The Active Part of Masculinity The active part of masculinity has to do with the choices you make. Each time you lead a woman, you’re using your masculinity. While the active part of femininity is about 'yes' or 'no', the active part of masculinity is about being creative. Every time you make a creative choice, you become more masculine. Here’s an example: You have sex with your girlfriend, and you decide to turn her around. You can say, “Turn around!” Or you can physically turn her around. It’s not important if you choose to speak or choose to use your muscles. Either way, you become more masculine, and she becomes more feminine. You’re making a creative decision and act on it (you lead). And she chooses to accept (or reject) your lead. In real life it’s not necessary to separate the active and passive sides of masculinity and femininity. Usually they coexist. When you lead a woman, she becomes the 'object' you’re leading. Let me put it in simpler terms:
Every time you lead a woman, you become more masculine, and she becomes more feminine. But what does this has to do with sexual attraction...? Well... EVERYTHING!
Before we look at sexual attraction and how to make a woman wet, you have to learn even more theory. You have to understand the difference between identification and attraction.
Identification and Attraction Why do women like clothes more than men? Well, they don’t. Women love to buy and wear beautiful clothes, while men love to look at women in beautiful clothes. The confusion comes with the words ‘love’ and ‘like’. Those words aren’t precise enough. Let’s use the words ‘identification’ and ‘attraction’ instead. Women can identify themselves with clothes, since both women and clothes are feminine by nature. Men are attracted to clothes, since we are masculine by nature. We are attracted to the opposite of ourselves. Why do most men like sports cars? Let’s change the word ‘like’ with ‘attracted to’ and ‘identify with’. Men are attracted to sports cars, because they look good. The design and beauty of a car is part of femininity. It’s an object. Men can also identify themselves with sports cars. They - both cars and men - are fast, powerful and they can move you (lead you) around. That’s part of masculinity. If you’ve ever driven a muscle car, you probably know what this identification with masculinity is. Why do both men and women like superhero movies? Men can identify themselves with the hero. We don’t only understand that he has to save the world, we can feel it. We are the hero.
Women don’t get this powerful masculine feeling when they see the hero. They are attracted to the hero, probably also sexually attracted. We on the other hand are sexually attracted to the heroine (femininity). And of course women can identify with the heroine, when she takes care of and supports the hero. To put this in other words:
Men can identify themselves with everything masculine, while women are attracted to everything masculine. And …
Women can identify themselves with everything feminine, while men are attracted to everything feminine. Now I think you’re ready. Let’s turn women on...
How to Create Sexual Attraction The first part of this chapter is by far the most difficult part of this book. If you’re confused right now, then that's understandable. Now the fun begins. Now you’ll start to realize how shockingly easy it is to sexually attract women. ‘Shockingly easy’ may seem a little strong, but when I found this out myself, I was, in fact, shocked. Earlier in my life, I had been trying to attract women in all kinds of ways. Wearing nice clothes, using cologne, buying drinks, being really nice, giving compliments, trying to show how smart I am, being interesting and funny, etc.
Guess what... It didn’t work. In the end I concluded that I wasn’t attractive. It was nothing I could do about it, I was just too ugly. I did the same mistake so many guys do. I didn’t understand what 'an attractive man' was, so I concluded that I wasn't good-looking. Read this sentence, and picture it in your mind: “He’s an attractive man.” I’ll bet you’re picturing a good-looking man right now. You take it for granted that a man’s attractiveness has something to do with his looks, don't you? You don’t even question it. You have heard it all your life: an attractive man is a good-looking man. And of course, since you’re attracted to good-looking women, why shouldn’t women be attracted to good-looking men. As you've already learned, men are attracted to youth and beauty (looks), because youth and beauty indicate fertility. Since most men, regardless of age and health, are fertile, there are no good reasons for women to be attracted to men’s age and looks. Speaking in terms of masculinity and femininity, we are attracted to the opposite of ourselves. Youth and beauty are part of femininity. Women are attracted to the opposite - to masculinity. And masculinity has nothing to do with age and looks, since everything that can change - such as age and looks - are part of femininity. The Definition of Sexual Attraction: Sexual attraction is the feeling of arousal that appears when one person acts or feels masculine, and the other person acts or feels feminine. Men are or are not attractive. Sexual attraction is something you do. It’s something you create. You create it by acting or feeling more masculine.
Never forget this. You create sexual attraction. You create the feeling of arousal in a woman. Remember the two parts of masculinity? The passive part and the active part. The passive part of masculinity is nothing else than being present. Empty your mind and do nothing. Just observe things around you by using your five senses. The active part is to be creative, and to lead through actions or words. Let's look at two examples which explain how to create sexual attraction by using your masculinity.
Example 1: Creating arousal on a date You meet a girl called Karen online. You don’t know much about her yet, so you invite her out for a cup of coffee. What do you do to make her sexually attracted to you? You start by making decisions. You lead the interaction. You decide where and when to meet. If the time and place is problematic for her, she will tell you, and you pick another time and place. When you meet at the coffee shop, you decide where to sit. When the waiter approaches, you talk to him. If there’s a problem with the order, you take action and solve the problem. When the bill arrives, you pick up the bill. If you want to split the bill, you make that decision. You lead, lead, lead and then you lead some more. Every time you make a decision, you become more masculine, since creative decisionmaking is part of masculinity. Your date starts to believe that you’re a good Stone Age hunter/protector, since you've all the indicators of a good
hunter/protector, such as assertiveness, calmness, courage, attentiveness and willingness to make decisions. You are a man who can provide for her and her family. All of this is unconscious of course. She doesn’t think of this at all. It’s not necessary. Her genes have programmed her to automatically feel aroused by you. It's female nature, and she has no control over it. You have all the control. You have turned her on. The only thing you have done in this example is making choices (leading). You do this one simple thing over and over again, and she feels a pull towards you. She can't help herself. As I mentioned earlier, her genes don’t trust her to get aroused by the right type of man, so she's genetically programmed to get aroused by certain indicators. Every time you’re leading, you’re showing her these indicators. Are you with me here? You just lead, and she's automatically attracted to you. You don’t do anything special - no big bold moves. All the small decisions you make will gradually build more and more attraction. Her genes “know” you’ll take action in any situation – also in dangerous situations, such as a hunt. You have proven yourself as a man. I’m sure you've heard that women are turned on a little different than us guys. Men’s arousal is like a light switch, while women’s arousal is more like a volume knob. We see a woman’s beauty instantly, and we (our genes) don’t need time to know that this is a highly fertile woman. We are ready for sex right away.
Women need more time to know if a man is a good hunter/protector. That’s why it takes time to build enough arousal for a woman to say ‘yes’ to sex. To turn the volume all the way up, you have to be patient and keep on building arousal – you have to keep on leading. When a woman’s arousal level is high enough, she'll be as impatient as you to have sex. She'll be begging you. What else can you do to make her feel even more attracted to you? Leading is the active part of masculinity - now let’s use your passive part of masculinity. Since you’re in a coffee shop, it’s natural to have a chat. I’m not much of a talker, so I usually just lead the conversation and let my date talk. Here’s an example: “Karen. Tell me what you do for a living” ... she talks … “So, you’re a nurse. What type of nurse?” … she talks … ”Really! You work in a hospital as a midwife? Tell me about that. That’s something I don’t know anything about.” … she talks ... “Aren’t you nervous you’re going to do something wrong?” … she talks … ”Oh my God! That really happened! … And then what did you do?” ... she talks ... And so on … What’s going on here? How can this simple chat create any sexual attraction? There are two things going on. First of all, you are leading the conversation. This creates sexual attraction by itself - but you already knew that.
Second, you are giving her your attention. She’s talking about her job, which is part of her life (an object). She becomes more feminine, because she’s identifying with something she has. You become more masculine, because you’re listening to her talking about something she has. You’re using your consciousness, which is part of your masculinity. This is a cumbersome way to say that you’re giving her your attention by listening to her. There’s a reason why I don’t just say: give women attention, that’s what they want. It’s not that you’re a nice guy and care about her life. It’s a good thing you’re a nice guy. That will help a lot when we’re going to talk about ‘trust’ and ‘emotional connection’. But being nice has nothing to do with creating sexual attraction. Her genes want to know if you're a good hunter. And since you’re patient and attentive when she talks, you’re showing her that you probably are a good hunter. Good hunters are both patient and attentive. She doesn't think this, she just feels aroused. It's an automatic response, which she has no control over. She doesn’t make herself aroused - you make her aroused. In masculine/feminine terms, patient and attentiveness are part of your consciousness (masculinity). You don't do anything - you just listen consciously to her talking about her life. Does this mean you only have to lead and give your attention to turn these lovely creatures on? Yes!! ... Now you get it. THAT’S IT!!
The more you LEAD and the more you give a woman your ATTENTION (listening, looking, touching, smelling and tasting), the hornier she gets. And of course, the hornier you get. Side note: Don't forget that sexual attraction is the feeling of arousal. It doesn’t mean anything else. It doesn't mean she thinks you're a good guy. And it doesn’t mean she is going to sleep with you, even though it’s now much more likely that she will. Sexual attraction is only the feeling of arousal.
Example 2: Creating arousal in the bedroom You and your wife have the evening for yourself. You have both enjoyed a nice romantic dinner. After some small talk, you start getting horny. It’s been a while since you last had sex, so you will focus on turning your wife on. What do you do? How do you get you wife so aroused, that she’ll let you do anything you want with her? This shouldn’t be difficult, since you now know the “rules” of sexual attraction. Just be masculine. That is, you lead and you give her your attention. Whatever you do or say, you have to lead, and you have to give her your attention. When you do these two things, she'll automatically get aroused. She hasn’t any choice. Sexual attraction isn’t a choice, it happens automatically when you use your masculinity. You get up from your chair, pick your wife up, carry her into the bedroom, and you lay her down on the bed. This is something you
haven’t done before, so she gets a little surprised, and she opens her mouth to speak. Before she can say anything, your firmly raise your index finger and gently lay it on her lips. Then you say with a calm and assertive voice, “Shhh! Be quiet. You don’t have to talk right now.” She looks at you intently, but follows your command and lies back on the bed. You lie down on the bed beside her. You take your time looking at her face, her eyes, her nose, her mouth and her make up. You take your time just looking. You are enjoying the way she looks, as if it’s the first time you see her. Gently, you start kissing her neck. You take your time, enjoying the taste and feel of her skin. As you feel her breath deepening - which is a sign of arousal - you gently start sucking the side of her neck. Her breath is deepening even more, and you slowly start licking the side of her neck. Now you can even hear her breath, she’s moaning. After a couple of minutes you stop tasting her neck, and you look deep into her eyes. You don’t say anything, you just hold her gaze. Your mind is completely empty - no thoughts, no feelings. She knows there’s nothing she can do right now. She knows she has no power to fight you. You can do whatever you want with her. She can’t resist. She's yours. When it comes to sexual attraction, there isn’t any difference between these two examples. Sexual attraction is created the same way every time. Whether you’re on a date with someone you don’t know, or you have sex with your wife, arousal will always be arousal. It’s created when you lead, and when you give a woman your attention.
You can lead in any shape and manner you like. And you can give your attention by using any of your five senses. As long as you lead and use your attention, you’re building sexual attraction. The more time you take to build sexual tension, the hornier your partner will get. If you don't believe me, then start looking for this in movies. Every time a woman is attracted to a man in a movie, it's because the man is leading and giving her attention. If you read romance novels, it's the same thing. The heroine always gets turned on when the hero takes control and leads, and when he gives her attention. You can also see this in porn. Watch closely what the guy is doing at the moment of female arousal. Look for signs of arousal, such as heavy breathing and hip movements. He may be sucking the woman’s toes, kissing her passionately, or spanking her ass. Even better, try it out yourself and you’ll see what I mean. This is not rocket science, guys! It's easy to do. As I mentioned, look for signs of arousal. Pay close attention to your partner’s breathing. This is a reliable measure of how turned on she is. When you make out or have sex you should always be aware of your partner’s breathing. The more sound she makes when she breathes, the more arousal she feels. It’s worth mentioning that this isn’t necessary a gradual progression. If, for instance, your partner finds it sexual stimulating when you pull her hair while having sex, you’ll hear an instant moan when pulling her hair. Her arousal level has just gone up several steps by your simple hair pulling move.
Side note: Now you know that hair pulling turns her on. The next time you have sex, you can be pretty sure she’ll react the same way when you pull her hair. This is something that is specific for your current girlfriend. Getting turned on by hair pulling is not universal for all women. But getting turned on by a man who leads, and a man who gives attention is universal for all women. I feel I have to explain yet again what happens when you give a woman your attention. It’s important that you get this. Let's take ‘toe sucking’ as a random example. Why do some women get aroused when you lick or suck their toes? Is there something special with toes? Of course not... It's nothing special with sucking a woman’s toes. What is happening is that she is filled with feelings when you suck and lick her toes. That's the key - feelings. (You have heard that before...) Feelings are part of femininity, and therefore she becomes more feminine. If she has sensitive toes, she'll be filled with even more feelings, and she’ll be even more aroused. If you passionately suck her toes, she’ll yet again be filled with more feelings, and she will be more turned on. When you’re in bed with a woman, focus on filling her with feelings and emotions. Especially touch, kiss and lick sensitive areas on her body, for instance neck, ears, nipples, and waist. This will fill her up with feelings, and she’ll become more feminine. The more you fill her up with feelings the hornier she gets.
When you watch high quality BDSM porn, you’ll see the same thing. These guys are experts at getting women aroused - it's their job. They fill women up with feelings and emotions - usually pain and fear - and the result is extreme arousal. Side note: Don't get confused when it comes to pain and fear. These feelings are not negative feelings, they are just uncomfortable feelings. Remember that arousal is an uncomfortable feeling too. That's why we have to get rid of it through an orgasm.
Example 3: Sadness and arousal Let me tell you about an interesting experience I had with a girl. It explains how sexual attraction works. This was some time ago, when I didn't yet understand female arousal. We had known each other for a couple of months, and we had this great connection. She was the sweetest and happiest girl you can imagine, and we had a blast together. Sex was great, but I hadn’t given her an orgasm. Since I had tried hard to make her come, I concluded that she was one of these girls who couldn't reach orgasms. Side note: Now I believe all women can reach orgasm. The last day we spent together we had some time before I had to go to the airport flying back home. As we talked about if we would ever see each other again, I could see she was getting emotional, and she started tearing up. This girl was very emotional. When she was happy, she was over the moon. And when she was sad, she was inconsolable. Now she was sad, and she couldn’t stop crying.
I didn’t do anything, except holding her in my arms and telling her things like, "It's okay, baby... You can cry... I'm here". 30 minutes later, she was all cried out, and completely drained. Eventually we started kissing (of course...), and I noticed that she was unusually horny. As we started making out, I laid back on the couch with her on top of me. I stretched my hand over her back and started to rub her private parts. To my big surprise she came within two minutes. What the hell!! What was going on? Hopefully you know what was going on. Sadness is just a feeling as any other feeling. And all feelings are part of femininity. The more she cried the more feminine she became. I, on the other hand, was the consciousness that observed her sadness. I was the emotionless consciousness (masculinity) that allowed her to be filled with feelings and emotions. This polarity between masculinity and femininity is what arousal is made of. Understand that it’s necessary to have both masculinity and femininity present at the same time to create arousal. If my girlfriend had cried home alone by herself, she would have been filled with sadness as well. But she wouldn’t be aroused.
It's the polarity between masculinity and femininity that creates sexual tension. Before we move on, I just want to clear up some words.
In this book I use several words to describe sexual attraction. Arousal, horny, turned on, sexual feelings, attraction and sexual tension. All these words have the same meaning. It’s the feeling you get when you want to have sex with. And the feeling you have when you need the sweet release of an orgasm. Another thing about sexual attraction. This feeling of arousal is the same if you’re on a date, or if you’re having sex. The only difference is the strength of the feeling. On a date you don’t have to create a lot of sexual attraction, but you have to create some, or else your date won't come home with you. When you want a woman to orgasm, you have to create much more sexual attraction, or else she won’t reach orgasm. Let's recap sexual attraction/tension.
Sexual Attraction - Summed Up First, you have to understand that sexual attraction isn’t a magical thing that just happens by chance. Second, you are never attractive. You create attraction. This means you can make any woman attracted to you anytime you want, since it’s a choice you make. Sexual attraction/tension is similar to the attraction between two magnets. You can't see the attraction, but it isn’t magical, it's a real force of nature. If you separate the two magnets, the attraction is gone, even though the magnets don’t change. Bring them together again, and the attraction is back.
This force of nature can only exist when you have the two magnets close together, and when you point the north pole (masculinity) together with the south pole (femininity). Between men and women, the invisible force of nature called sexual attraction appears every time a man acts/behave masculine and a woman acts/behave feminine. This may seem like magic, but it isn't. It’s human nature. We are programmed to react this way. You don't have to wait for your partner to become/act/feel feminine, since every time you act or feel more masculine, your partner will automatically become more feminine. Just like a magnet can’t choose to turn off its magnetism, a woman can’t choose to not feel sexual attraction towards you. She is genetically programmed to respond to your masculinity, she can't help herself. The only thing she can choose to do is to not follow her feelings of arousal - which is of course difficult to do. Since every woman is genetically programmed to get aroused in the same way, you can attract any woman you want to attract. If you have the skill to attract one woman, you have the skill to attract every woman you meet. This doesn’t mean that every woman you meet wants to have sex with you, since sexual attraction is only one of four factors women look for in men. (The three other factors are emotional connection, trust and social status.) How do you behave in a masculine way? There are many aspects of masculinity. I mentioned several of the masculine indicators in chapter 2, such as single-minded focus, assertiveness, aggression, physical force, etc.
Later in this book we'll go into more details about behaving in a masculine way, but for now, forget all of these masculine indicators. When it comes to sexual attraction we can make it really simple. There are only two things you have to do to turn a woman on. 1. Lead (Make decisions) 2. Be present (Give her your attention) This may seem simple... But guess what - it is. If sexual attraction was difficult to create, you would never have been born. Every one of your male ancestors has successfully turned on at least one woman. The fact that most men find it difficult to turn women on comes from our social conditioning. We have learned to suppress who we really are. As soon as you become honest with yourself and accept your masculine feelings and needs, you will be surprised how easy it is to attract women. You can just be yourself. You have heard that before, haven't you? BE YOURSELF. Women say it all the time. They want men who are themselves, and men who live their own lives. They don't mean be yourself as an insecure little boy, who calls his mother or friends for advice every time he faces a challenge. They don't mean be yourself as a self-depriving man, who don't know that he has deep seeded hunger for women. Women want men who are honest with themselves at any level. And they want men who are brave enough to act on their feelings and needs - whatever those feelings may be. They want men who lead their own lives.
It's your choice to be a leader of your own life, or a follower of others. You can't have it both ways. You can't be a leader and a follower at the same time. You have to make a choice. If you choose to be a follower (and I don't blame you, it's much easier), you won't have good sexual relationships with women. If you choose to be a leader (of your own life), you are going to have a blast with women. It’s that simple. Why? Because every time you lead, you create sexual attraction. Don't know how to lead? Don't worry. I'll teach you in the next chapter. First we have to look at the connection between sexual attraction and orgasms.
Sexual Attraction, Vaginal Stimulation and Orgasms Have you ever wondered if there's a recipe for giving women orgasms? Wouldn’t it be great if there was certain steps you could go through that would almost guarantee a woman to come. I'm sure you have heard that every woman is different and every woman needs different kinds of stimulation to get an orgasm. This is only partly true. When it comes to vaginal stimulation, women are very different. Some needs clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, while others don't like clitoral stimulation. Some like to have their G-spot or deep-spot fingered, while others think it’s uncomfortable to get fingered. When it comes to arousal there are differences as well.
For instance, most women get very turned on by being kissed or licked on the side of their necks. But there are women who don't like this, or don't get turned on by this. You can only find these differences by try and error.
There's no other way to find out what your current partner likes than to try different things. Even though there are many differences between women, there are some common threads at the basic level. As you know, that’s what this book is all about. There is in fact a recipe you can follow to give a woman an orgasm. An orgasm is a response to certain stimuli. You have to know what those stimuli are, and in with order you must execute them. Definition of orgasm: The sudden decrease of sexual tension (arousal), brought on by vaginal stimulation. Imagine you're blowing up a balloon. You slowly fill it with air, building up surface tension in the balloon. Then you poke the balloon with a needle and let it explode. This is similar to the relationship between arousal, vaginal stimulation and an orgasm. Let me explain. During foreplay, you build sexual tension. The more foreplay, the more energy or tension is stored in the woman (the balloon). When you start to stimulate your partner’s vagina (poking the balloon), the stored up tension will release through an orgasm (the explosion of the balloon).
If you don't blow up the balloon enough, it won’t burst. Even if you get it to bust, there won’t be much of an explosion. But if you blow up the balloon as much as you can, it's easy to get it to burst, and the explosion will be both loud and intense. It's the same with women and orgasms. When your partner is fully aroused, she’ll easily reach orgasm. And it will be both loud and intense. A common mistake we guys do is that we don't build enough sexual attraction/tension during foreplay. Either because we don't know how to do it, or because we're impatient and rush through foreplay. It's possible to build arousal and stimulate the vagina at the same time, but it's usually not that effective. It's like trying to blow up the balloon and poking it with a needle at the same time. You're constantly releasing the tension. Wait with vaginal stimulation until your partner is highly aroused. Then you can stimulate her vagina. Especially when you’re with a woman that don’t come that easily, make sure she's fully charged up before you start stimulating her vagina.
Example: Arousal and vaginal stimulation After 5 minutes of making out with your girlfriend, you start having intercourse. A couple of minutes later you notice that your girlfriend isn't aroused at all. You stop having intercourse, and you start kissing and touching your girlfriend's body. You take your time enjoying her body. Touching, kissing licking and tasting every part of her. 20 minutes later your girlfriend is breathing heavily, and her hips are constantly moving. These are clear signs of arousal. You put your right
hand between her legs, and feel she's dripping wet. Even her inner thighs are wet - well done. While you start to stimulate her clitoris with your fingers, you continue with the kissing and touching. As she's getting closer to orgasm, you gently start to bite the side of her neck, while you firmly tug her hair with your left hand. Right before your girlfriend orgasm, you bite the side of her neck harder, just to help her reach her orgasm. In this example there isn't that much going on. At a basic level you are only doing three different things. Creating arousal, creating an emotional connection and stimulating her vagina. (Since you haven’t learned about emotional connection yet, forget that for now.) After only 5 minutes with creating arousal, your girlfriend is clearly not ready for intercourse. Wisely you stop having intercourse and start focusing on building sexual tension. Kissing and touching a woman’s body (giving attention) are two effective ways to arouse a woman in bed. You make sure to take your time filling her with feelings, which creates sexual tension. The more she feels, the more arousal you create. Since women also need to feel an emotional connection when having sex, you make sure you intermittently kiss her on the mouth. This will make her feel love and intimacy. (Don't worry if you don't understand this last part. Emotional connection will be fully explained in chapter 6.) As you start stimulating her clitoris, you keep on kissing and touching your girlfriend’s body. In this way you’ll make sure she doesn’t lose her arousal again.
Tugging her hair and biting the side of her neck (treating her as an object/filling her with feelings), will build even more arousal, helping her to finally reach her orgasm. After the orgasm, all the sexual tension is gone. If you want your partner to come again, you have to start building sexual tension once more. Right after you give your partner an orgasm, you might use some time to strengthening your emotional connection, but you don't have to. You can just keep on going if you want to. Get her aroused again, and then give her a new release. Repeat this cycle as many times as you like. Women are differed from men when it comes to orgasms. While we need a long time to recuperate after an orgasm, most women do not. In fact, women often get aroused more easily after the first orgasm. And they achieve a new orgasm faster the second time around. Women are some fascinating little devils, aren’t they...
How to Give a Woman an Orgasm - In 3 Steps Step 1 Create as much sexual attraction as you can, by leading and by giving your attention to your partner's body. Kiss, lick, bite and touch her body in any way you like. This will fill her up with feelings and emotions. It’s not important what kind of feelings and emotions your partner experiences. Any feelings and emotions, even pain and fear will make her more feminine, since all feelings and emotions belong to femininity. Side note: Remember that every woman is different when it comes to physical stimulation. Try out different things to find out what your partner reacts to.
Look for signs of arousal, such as heavy breathing, moaning and hip movements. These signs of arousal will tell you what works. A woman appreciates a man that takes his time to get to know her body. And of course, it’s great fun.
Step 2 Start to stimulate your partner’s vagina only after she's highly aroused. The more time you have spent on creating arousal, the faster she will reach orgasm. You can use your fingers, your tongue, your penis, or a vibrator. The tool you use is not important. If you feel it's necessary, keep on creating arousal and emotional connection while touching her vagina. Side note: Again, remember that every woman is different when it comes to physical and vaginal stimulation. Even if your last girlfriend loved your vibrator, it doesn’t mean your current girlfriend likes it. Try and error is the only way to find out what's working and what’s not working.
Step 3 Repeat these two steps as many times as you like, or until your partner is completely exhausted.
Sex Is More than Orgasms Even though this recipe for getting women to orgasm is pretty straight forward, it doesn’t mean that it’s always easy. Sometimes it's difficult to make women come. There are so many factors at play when it comes to female orgasm.
Many women need to feel deep love and trust before they can allow themself to orgasm. This means you have to create love and trust in your relationship before giving your partner an orgasm. Be patient and don't get obsessed with making her come. If a woman feels pressure to orgasm, she’ll never have one. Another thing is that a lot of women know surprisingly little about their own bodies and their own sexuality. Many have negative thoughts about sex and about their own bodies as well. Some women simply have to learn how to have an orgasm. After they have an orgasm for the first time, they suddenly “get it” – they now know how to do it. Even though it helps that you do things right, a woman eventually has to make herself orgasm. All this means that if you can't give a woman an orgasm, then don't think that you’re doing something wrong. When I'm with a girl for the first time, I often can’t give her orgasms. Especially if she's young and inexperienced. You can do everything right and still she’s miles away from coming. Remember that for women, sex is much more than orgasms. Thinking that sex without an orgasm is a failure couldn’t be further from the truth. Don't try too hard to make a woman orgasm. Instead, enjoy the time you spend together, and stay in the present moment. It's not the outcome of sex that is important for a woman - it's sex itself that’s important.
Chapter 5 How to Lead a Woman, Part 1 – The Basics It’s imperative for a man to lead in a sexual setting. In a bar, on a date, or in bed, you have to take the lead. There are several reasons why you should lead: - To find out what you want to do - To find out what your partner wants to do - Create sexual attraction - Create an emotional connection - Create trust - If you don’t lead, nothing happens – duh! Most women hate to take charge in a sexual setting. They can’t stand it. You may be in a relationship with a strong and decisive business woman. She makes decisions all day, but when it comes to romance and sex, she still wants you to lead. This has nothing to do with laziness, or that she isn’t attracted to you. It’s part of female nature. The feminine side of a woman likes to make decisions by being led. This sounds strange, since we usually think of being led as passivity. But that's not true. When you lead a woman, she still has to make decisions. Every time you do or say something, your partner has to make a choice. She has to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to your lead.
(I know... This is pretty obvious. But a lot of guys don't seem to get this - I didn't.) It’s wrong to believe that the one who leads has all the power. The one who is led has equal amount of power. It’s also wrong to believe it’s a 50-50 split of power. It’s 100-100. The man who leads is 100% responsible for his actions, and the woman who is led is 100% responsible for her actions. If you for instance choose to hogtie your girlfriend and beat her with a cane, then it's her choice to accept or reject. Your girlfriend might feel extremely powerful when she's tied up and beaten - because it’s her choice. In this chapter we're going to look at the basics of how to lead women. In Chapter 9 we'll look at what to do when a woman rejects your lead. And in Chapter 11 you will learn how to get women to do almost anything you want to do.
The 3 Steps of Leading When I went to high school, I had a friend who could approach any woman, talk to her, and turn her on. I thought women liked him for his looks and for his confidence, so I didn’t ask him how he did it. I didn't realize he was just leading the conversation. Let’s look at what leading really is. (The following is so obvious that it may seem absurd. However, it wasn't obvious for me, and I think it will be helpful for some of you.) To lead is to go around in a circle. You go through three different steps every time you lead. First step 1, then step 2, and then step 3. Then you go back to step 1, and start the cycle again.
Step 1: Feelings Step 2: Make a decision Step 3: Your partner's response
Step 1 of Leading: Feelings A common mistake we guys do is that we try to figure out what to do by thinking. If you try to figure out what to do with your rational mind, then nothing will happen. You have to feel, not think. Have you ever been with an attractive woman, trying to come up with something smart to say? Yeah, me too... You're trying to think, but nothing happens. When your girlfriend stands naked in front of you, why think? Just look at her and enjoy. Use your senses. When you let go of your rational mind, then you start being creative. Your rational mind will always block your creativity, and nothing will happen. You're stuck in your own head. Instead, let go and don't try to do anything. Just be present, and enjoy your partner. Even if you just stand there looking at her, you will at least create sexual attraction - since you give her attention. For instance, you look at your hot naked girlfriend lying beside you in bed. There are ten or maybe a hundred things you want to do to her. Just pick one. It’s not that difficult, as long as you don’t think about it. And as long as you’re honest with your feelings and needs. Another common mistake we guys do is that we're thinking of what our partner wants. Unless you’re a mind-reader, this won’t work. How can you know what anyone wants, except yourself? And you can't ask your partner...
Because if you ask her, you're forcing her to use her creative masculine side. She wants to be feminine, not masculine. She wants to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to your suggestions. If you really want to upset your partner, you can say, “Tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it?” Now you're playing the feminine part to the fullest, while you're forcing her to play the masculine part. This will kill any sexual attraction. Step 1 has nothing to do with your partner. It's about what you want to do. Step 1 is also about being in the present moment. What do you feel like doing right now? If you wait, it’s too late. You can only lead in the present moment.
Step 1 of leading - summed up - It's about what you want to do. - It's about what you feel. And you don't choose the things you feel. - It's about the present moment. What do you feel like doing right now?
Step 2 of Leading: Make a Decision There's one obvious problem with step 1: you have no control over your feelings. You can't decide what kinds of feeling and needs that will pop up into your mind. You may walk past a sexy woman on the street, and you suddenly feel like having sex with her. You know you can't do that – it’s called rape! To stop yourself from doing something stupid, you can of course use your rational mind. But that won’t work. It takes too long, and it’s too many variables to calculate.
That sexy woman may be your girlfriend, and it may be acceptable to drag her into a dark alley and take her. But what if she isn’t aroused right now? Then it’s still rape. Your rational mind is clearly not the right tool for the job. Leading is about doing things right away. Therefore, you have to use your intuition, not your rational mind. Your intuition usually always knows what’s right or wrong in the situation you’re in. And best of all, it takes no time. You know it right away. Your intuition will give you one of two answers: ‘Yes’ or ‘no’. If your intuition tells you ‘no’, then this isn’t right to do. Go back to step 1 and see what else you feel like doing. If your intuition tells you ‘yes’, then just do it, and move on to step 3. If your intuition is off - and it happens - it's no big deal. You always lead in small steps, so your partner has time to stop you. (More on that in chapter 11.) And also, you can’t be a 100% certain what your partner wants anyway. That's one of the reasons you lead in the first place: to find out what your partner wants to do. You are the creative force that constantly comes up with new things to do, and you lead to find out if your partner wants to do the same things. When you get more experience with women, you’ll see that your intuition is usually spot on. You will just "know" what women want in certain situations.
Step 2 of leading - summed up - Your rational mind is useless in bed.
- Use your intuition to decide what to do.
Step 3 of Leading: Your Partner’s Response Step 3 is no longer about what you want. Now your partner has to make a choice. Only she knows what’s right for her. Whenever you do something that's unacceptable for her, then she will tell you. She'll say ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Usually not with words, but as a subtle signal. This signal might be very subtle, but it’s easy to know if she means ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Many think it's difficult to understand women's subtle signals, but this is not the case. Why would women send signals no one would understand? As long as you’re outside your own head, you’ll pick up on every subtle signal she sends you. If she says ‘yes’, then you go back to step 1 and start the cycle again. If she says ‘no’, then you also go back to step 1, but now you have to lead in another direction. She has just told you that this isn’t acceptable for her right now. Maybe it’s acceptable in 5 minutes, or next week, but not right now. Did you get that? You always lead in the present moment. No means no right now. Don't add any additional meaning to it.
Step 3 of leading - summed up - Your partner has to make a choice. - It's your job to observe her response to your lead. - Her response will be either 'yes' or 'no'.
- Her response is usually subtle and without words. - It's never difficult to know if she means 'yes' or 'no'. - If she rejects your lead (if she says no), then go back to step 1, and use your feelings to come up with something else to do. - Rejection is not a rejection of you. It's a rejection to your lead. It's a rejection of what you felt like doing. Therefore, it's no big deal. - No means no right now. Women live in the present moment. 5 seconds later, or 5 weeks later she might say 'yes'. - Let’s look at two examples. The first one is absurdly simple, but try to understand the dynamics of leading. It will help you when things start getting more complicated.
Example 1: Going Out to Eat Step 1: You're home together with your girlfriend. You’re hungry, and feel like going out for pizza. This is not a rational choice. You feel like going out for pizza. Step 2: You say to your girlfriend: “I’m hungry. Let’s go out for pizza!?” You made a decision to ask your girlfriend out for pizza. Since this is such a simple example, you don't really have to check in with your intuition. And you definitely don't have to use your rational mind. Just say to your girlfriend that you're hungry and want to go out for pizza. Step 3: As always when you lead, you have to look for your partner’s response. You girlfriend doesn't say anything, but she shrugs her shoulders.
This is clearly a rejection. Even though it's a subtle signal, there's no way you're going to interpret her response as a 'yes'. However, you don’t know the reason she doesn't want to go out for pizza. Maybe she isn’t hungry, maybe she doesn’t want to go out, or maybe she isn’t in the mood for pizza. What do you do? You lead some more. One of the reasons for leading is to find out what your partner wants to do. So you have to continue. Again you go back to step 1, and you let your feelings decide what you're going to say or do. Here's an example: You say: “Are you hungry?” (Step 1 and step 2) She answers: “Yes.” (Step 3) You say: “Do you want to go out to eat?” (Step 1 and step 2) She answers: “Ok.” (Step 3) You say: “What about Chinese food?” (Step 1 and step 2) She smiles and answers: “That sounds great!”
The point of leading isn’t to find out what you want it’s about what you both want. Your first choice in this example was to go out for pizza. Your second choice was to go out for Chinese food. And that was something she wanted as well. Obvious... Yes, I know. But you have to understand that women hate being creative and taking the lead. Especially in more sexual situations.
If you say to a woman, "What do you want to do?", then you'll create frustration. A woman is more comfortable with saying yes or no to your suggestions. And as a bonus, she'll feel sexual attraction towards you. Let's look at another example.
Example 2: Ass Spanking Step 1: You're taking your partner doggy-style, and you feel like spanking her ass. Again, this is something you feel like doing. You don't choose the things you feel, and you don't even have to know why you feel like spanking your partner. And you shouldn't even be thinking about it. Sex is about doing whatever you feel like doing - and now you feel like spanking some ass. Step 2: Is it okay to spank your partner? Does she like it? Did she like it the last time you spanked her? All these questions will drive you insane. And you don't have the time to start thinking about them. Here is where your intuition comes in. Your intuition knows the answers to all these questions. You don't have to think about it, because your intuition has already calculated all the variables. If you have spanked your partner in the past, and she liked it, then your intuition will tell you that you can spank your partner's ass. If your partner got angry the last time you spanked her, then your intuition will tell you to do something else instead.
In other words, you'll feel what's right to do - as long as you don't start thinking about it. Trust your intuition. Step 3: You decided to spank your partner, because your intuition didn't have any objections. As you spank her, you have to look for her response. Her response will tell you what to do next. If she gives you a sign to stop, then simply do something else. If she gives you a sign that she likes it, or if she doesn't give you any signs at all, then go ahead and spank her again - if you feel like it. This time you can even spank her harder, as long as you look for her response. I know I'm trying to teach you something completely obvious. But you have to understand that it’s essential to get the dynamics of leading. When you lead, you are the creative force, which is part of your masculinity. Since women are attracted to masculinity, you will create sexual attraction for every small lead you take. You will build more and more arousal, and eventually your partner’s arousal level is on full. You go through these 3 steps over and over again. In this way you will find out what you want to do, and what your partner wants to do without even thinking about it. This frees your mind to do anything you feel like doing. You can't do anything wrong anymore. Your partner will just give you a sign to move in another direction. When a woman says 'no', it doesn't mean you have done something bad or wrong. No just means no, nothing else.
And by the way, when a woman rejects you lead, you will still create sexual attraction. It's the fact that you’re leading that creates arousal. This means that it can be difficult for a woman to reject your lead, since she feels instant attraction towards you when you lead. And also, you will learn in chapter 9 that every time you get a 'no' from a woman, and you accept it without being a bitch about it, you create trust. This means that every time a woman rejects your lead, you will create both arousal and trust simultaneously. And it doesn’t stop there. Even when a woman rejects your lead she will still be thankful that you are brave enough to go for what you want. She will respect and love you for being in contact with your own feelings and needs. And most of all, she will feel calm and at ease around you, since she doesn’t have to come up with things to do - she knows that you’ll do that for her. When there is no fear of doing anything wrong, and when you are free of your rational mind, then creativity starts flourishing. Inside of you, this awesome feeling of power arises. This is your masculine side awakening. You know you can do anything you want to your partner. Absolutely anything. When you’re in bed - or anywhere else - you can feel your heart racing. You can feel the rush of energy flowing through your body. You feel strong and assertive. This feeling of power is fueled by your partner’s femininity. You look at her hot body, taste her smooth skin, touch her sexy curves, smell her sent, and listen to her moaning.
You accept and enjoy this masculine side of yourself fully, and your partner will match your masculinity by going even deeper into her femininity. It’s imperative to understand that you have to let go of you mind. You have to let your feelings take over fully. Sex is not about doing anything rational. (I know you are tired of hearing me say this, but it's essential.) If you want to do sick and dirty things to your partner, DO IT!! If you want to make tender love to your woman, DO IT!! Sex is about letting out deep seated fantasies. These fantasies may be extreme or dark, but you have to let them out. Your partner wants you to let them out, just as much as you want her to do the same. Lead the way, and have courage to be honest with yourself. Do whatever you feel like doing - then she'll do the same. Your partner is there for your enjoyment. She is there to be used. That’s what she wants and expects from you. Use her to please yourself. Tie her up, beat her, fuck her, slap her face, do whatever you want. You don’t need anyone's permission. And don’t worry, she’ll stop you if you go too far. Only you know what you feel like doing. Don’t ask anyone for advice not even your partner. Just go to your feelings - they will tell you what to do.
Leading, Dominating and Controlling In this book I want to be as precise as possible. Sometimes words can be a source of misunderstandings.
The two words 'leading' and 'dominating' have the same meaning in this book. Every time you lead, you are dominating, and vice versa. In the real world I might use the two words in a different way, but here in this book, leading and dominating are the same things. Every time you go through the three steps, you are leading/dominating. 'Controlling' on the other hand, is something different. It's, in fact, the opposite of leading/dominating. When you lead, you are trying to find out what both you and your partner want to do. But when you're trying to control your partner, you only care about yourself, and you don't take 'no' for an answer.
Never try to control a woman. It’s the fastest way to misery. The difference between leading and controlling is usually subtle. If your partner rejects your lead, and you react with frustration, then you are controlling, not leading. If you start to argue when your partner rejects you lead, then you are controlling. This must never happen in a relationship. It will ruin all trust. Women you'll meet in the real world don't use the artificial language we’re using in this book. For instance, a woman might say "I love that my boyfriend is controlling in bed." or "I love men who take control." This has nothing to do with real control. She is just saying she enjoys being dominated. No one likes to be controlled.
A woman will love and respect you for leading her. But she will hate and resent you for controlling her. The irony here is that controlling women is unnecessary.
If you want a woman to follow your lead, then she will almost always do so, as long as she knows you always takes 'no' for an answer. The more you try to control someone, the more resistance you'll get. In other words: Nice guys always win...
Chapter 6 Emotional Connection Finally we have arrived at what I think is the best, and also the most important thing about sex: emotional connection. If you’re asking yourself, what is emotional connection? Then you're definitely a man. It’s inconceivable for women to understand that men don't know what it is. Every woman on this planet knows what emotional connection is, and every woman alive wants it. Sure, women want men who can create strong sexual attraction. But they crave men who can create a deep emotional connection. If you want a great relationship and great sex, you better learn what emotional connection is, and how to create it.
What is Emotional Connection? What is the ‘connection’ part of emotional connection? And what is connected? You remember that sexual attraction is the polarity or connection between the masculine and the feminine. When you look at a woman’s body, you’re creating sexual attraction, because you (subject) look at a woman’s body (object). Your consciousness (the real you) looks at something she owns (her body). Sexual attraction is therefore the connection between two opposites.
Emotional connection however, is the opposite of sexual attraction. It’s the 'real you', connecting with the 'real her'. Your consciousness connecting with her consciousness. No objects are involved. No feelings, thoughts, life history. Nothing. Your empty mind connected with her empty mind. Why is emotional connection important for women? The result of emotional connection is love. The definition of love is one person connected to another person. Without emotional connection, love and intimacy are impossible. Another word for love, and a more understandable word for us guys, is respect. When you meet someone you don’t know, man or woman, you will respect that person regardless of what you know about him or her. When you hold eye contact with a little child, you will feel love and respect, even though you don’t know what that child’s feelings and thoughts are. 'Objects' are no longer important. When you create emotional connection with a woman, she will feel love, respect and closeness. Love, respect and closeness are essential for sex. You can’t even create sexual attraction without emotional connection. For us guys it’s possible to have sex without any emotional connection. But for women, it’s not. Did you get that? When a woman has sex, and there isn’t enough emotional connection, she will feel uncomfortable. It’s like some stranger is doing things with her body. It feels like she's alone. You don't have to understand this, you can't. I certainly can't - I'm not a woman. All we can do is to know how important emotional connection
is for women, and make sure we create enough emotional connection for women to feel comfortable.
How to Create Emotional Connection How can you create something that is nothing? Your feeling of 'I', and her feeling of 'I' aren't anything. What do you do? It’s often better to use another word for emotional connection: communication. When you communicate with a woman, you create emotional connection. Communication and emotional connection are the same things. I’m sure you have overheard women talking to each other. Often they talk about nothing, and they can do it for hours. When we guys talk, we usually talk about something. And usually there's a problem we have to solve. We hope we can reach a conclusion, so we can stop talking and do something more interesting. Women don’t talk to reach a conclusion. They talk to talk. They talk to communicate. When they talk they create an emotional connection. This leads to feelings of love, respect, closeness and intimacy. That's the whole point of creating and emotional connection building love and intimacy. But how do you do it in a sexual setting? How do you create an emotional connection in a bar, on a date, or in bed? There are four basic ways to create an emotional connection. 1. Talking 2. Eye contact 3. Kissing (on the mouth) 4. Holding hands
The common denominator here is two-way communication. Emotional connection is always two-way communication. When you kiss a woman’s hand, you are kissing her body, which creates sexual attraction. When you kiss a woman’s lips however, you are not only creating sexual attraction, you are creating emotional connection as well. Why? Because it’s two-way communication. She feels your lips move, and at the same time you feel her lips move. Kissing is in that sense the same as talking. You’re both sending each other signals back and forth. Let's look at several examples which explain this two-way communication.
Example 1: Emotional Connection and Doggy-Style You have sex with your girlfriend, and you decide to take her from behind, doggy-style. After a couple of minutes, she starts feeling uncomfortable. It’s not that you are doing anything wrong - you just forgot to communicate with her. There is no talking, no eye contact, no kissing and no holding hands. And therefore, no emotional connection. You have to choose one of the four basic methods for creating an emotional connection. Kissing, eye contact and holding hands are difficult in this position. The best choice is to start talking. What you say is not important. Remember, women just like to connect. Since it has to be two-way communication, say something that gives a response, such as, “Tell me you’re my dirty whore!!” Now the emotional connection is back.
She doesn't have to respond with words, though. The talking part when it comes to sex is often just heavy breathing or moaning.
Example 2: Emotional Connection and Blowjobs Your wife is down on her knees, pleasing herself with your cock. Now you can easily create an emotional connection by talking. You might say, “A little slower, baby … that’s it (you’re moaning) … and little deeper … deeper … ohh, yes!! (you’re moaning) ...”. You are creating an emotional connection, because you are communicating. You are sending her signals through your commands and your moaning. And she's responding by giving you a better blowjob. This means that she isn't enjoying a random cock. She’s enjoying YOUR cock. Please don’t misunderstand this last part. The word ‘YOUR’ has nothing to do with you being a loving husband. The word ‘YOUR’ means your consciousness. If your wife had enjoyed your neighbor’s cock, and your neighbor had talked in the same way, she would have felt an emotional connection as well. It's just communication, nothing else.
Example 3: Emotional Connection and Lovemaking You and your girlfriend make sweet, tender love. You lie on top of her, penetrating her deeply and slowly. Your hands are locked together, and you’re alternating between kissing softly, and gazing into each other’s eyes. Holding hand, kissing and eye contact all create an emotional connection. You will both feel love and intimacy.
Example 4: Emotional Connection at the Movies You're at the movies with your date, and you're holding hands. Now you have an emotional connection. You are not two strangers watching the movie side by side. You are both watching a movie together. At random intervals you'll send signals back and forth through your hands. The movie may be good or bad, but that’s not important. You will both feel love and intimacy, because you are together - you are connected. This may seem unimportant to you, but it's important for your date. Trust me ... it is.
How Much Emotional Connection Must You Create? This is kind of a strange question. It sounds like it's an annoyance to create emotional connection. I personally think emotional connection is the greatest thing about sex, since it creates love and intimacy. What's better than love and intimacy? But it's still a valid question, since you have to know when women get this uncomfortable feeling of being alone. When you're on a date, or when you've sex, you can’t communicate all the time. That would be unnatural and exhausting. How much do you have to communicate? Here are two simple rules to follow. Rule 1: You can break the emotional connection as often as you want. Rule 2: The breaks can’t be too long. (Depending on the situation.)
Breaking the emotional connection is never a problem. Things will only get uncomfortable if the breaks get too long. Depending on the situation, more than 30 second to 2 minutes is usually too long. These two examples explain the two rules:
Example 1: Dinner date You and your date enjoy a nice dinner at a restaurant. You’re talking, and after a while the conversation stops. You both start focusing on your food. This is of course natural and unproblematic. After 30 seconds you start talking again. You talk for a couple of minutes, and then the conversation stops again. You look out the window for a couple of seconds, then you look at your date, and hold her gaze for a couple of seconds (eye contact). Then you focus on your food again, and so on.
Example 2: Massage You ask your wife if she wants an oil massage. She accepts, and lies down on the bed. For the next 30 minutes there's no emotional connection at all. You want your wife to relax, so you stop communicating. This is of course okay. And necessary for your wife to relax. Emotional connection can be strenuous, since it demands a lot of mental focus. If this had been a woman you didn’t know that well, then 30 minutes would probably have been too long. Your partner would after a while felt like you were a stranger touching her body.
In other words, when you're in a long term relationship, you can break the emotional connection for a long time before things get uncomfortable.
Chapter 7 How to Change a Woman's Emotions This is, in my opinion, the most exciting chapter in this book. When I learned what I’m going to teach you here, my success with women skyrocketed. At times it felt like I had total control over a woman’s feelings and emotions. As with everything that’s worth learning, it can be difficult in the beginning. I want you to read this chapter slowly. Take your time to understand it - don’t just read it. Hopefully you have already learned that sex is about feelings and emotions. If you can’t change a woman’s feelings, then you can’t have sex. I mean this literally - women will only have sex when they feel like it. It’s never a rational choice. You have also learned that there are only two basic emotions that govern sex - arousal and intimacy. These are the two emotions you have to be able to change both inside of yourself and inside of your partner. The two primary ways to create arousal are by leading, and by giving attention to your partner’s body. When you lead and give attention, you create what I call sexual attraction. This is the main way to create arousal. Up to this point I have treated sexual attraction and arousal as synonyms. Intimacy is created when you communicate with your partner. The four main ways to communicate are eye contact, talking, kissing and holding hands. I call this emotional connection. Up to this point I have treated emotional connection and intimacy as the same thing.
In this chapter you’ll learn two new ways to create both arousal and intimacy. I want you to forget about sexual attraction and emotional connection for now. They are still essential in the bedroom, but they have their limits. If you want your partner to feel more arousal and intimacy than she has ever felt before, then this chapter will teach you everything you need to know.
Changing Emotions – Indirectly First some bad news. I have to teach you a bit more about the yin/yang theory. I’m not doing this to make things more complex, I’m doing this to make it easy. When you understand the yin/yang theory, and when you understand the simplicity of this theory, you’ll see how useful it is in the bedroom. To make it simpler, I’ll stick to the words ‘femininity’ and ‘masculinity’ (For the record: femininity is yin, and masculinity is yang.) First two misconceptions regarding the yin/yang theory: Misconception #1: Man equals masculinity, and woman equals femininity. This is not quite right. For instance, if you and your partner have wild, dirty sex, then both of you are acting/feeling masculine, since ‘wild’ and ‘dirty’ belong to masculinity. (More on this later) Misconception #2: Something is either masculine or feminine. This is the most difficult part of the yin/yang theory. If you don’t get this next part, it’s no big deal. This is one of those things that are difficult in theory, but easy in practice. It’s like thinking about how to walk when you’re walking - it’s unnecessary and you’ll probably stumble. But here it is anyway.
The yin/yang theory is a relativity theory. This means that something can be both masculine and feminine depending on what you compare it to. An aggressive man is feminine if you compare him to an even more aggressive man. Thus, your partner can be feminine and masculine at the same time. Let’s take spanking as an example. In chapter 4 you learned that the subject is masculine and the object is feminine. For instance, “you are spanking your woman.” Here, ‘you’ is the subject, and ‘your woman’ is the object. You become more masculine, and she becomes more feminine. That you already knew. And now the difficult part. At the same time, your partner is getting aroused. Arousal is part of masculinity, therefore, she will also become more masculine when you spank her. In other words, when talking about subject and object, she becomes more feminine. But when talking about the feeling she is feeling – arousal – then she becomes more masculine. If this is confusing, then I apologize. I’m very theoretical by nature and I tend to nitpick. If you’re more practical, then here is my advice to you: don’t think about it - it’s not important. The rest of this chapter is very straightforward – I promise. Now, how do you use the masculine/feminine theory (the yin/yang theory) in practice? Since everything can be divided into masculinity and femininity, we can make a list. Masculinity – Femininity To lead – To be led Domination – Submission
Aggression – Calmness Force – Weakness Arousal – Intimacy Sexy – Sweet Experience – Virginity Fear – Comfort Hard – Soft Tight – Loose High – Low Black – White Red – Pink Dirty – Clean Sick – Healthy Taking – Giving Being bad – Being nice High energy – Low energy Brutal – Kind Assertive – Shy Subject – Object Fucking - Lovemaking Now comes the fun part.
When I first learned this myself, I was so excited. Women and sex started to make sense to me. I began to see how I could easily make a woman feel both arousal and intimacy whenever I wanted to. I could turn on a woman’s arousal-volume-knob and intimacy-volume-knob as much as I wanted. It was just so cool. Let’s look at a couple of examples where we’re going to use the list above. Example 1: Let’s say you’re at home making out with your girlfriend. Things starts to heat up, and you decide to turn her arousal-volume-knob on as much as you possibly can. You want to turn her into a horny little devil. How do you do that? In chapter 4: Sexual Attraction, you learned that you have to lead and give her your attention to turn her on. This is of course correct - and you have to do this - but forget about leading and giving attention right now. Let’s instead focus on the feeling of arousal itself. Arousal is a sexual high energy feeling, and it belongs to masculinity. Now, here is a very, very important concept, and it’s probably the most important thing I have ever learned about sex. This will make sex much more understandable.
Everything that is masculine is related to every other thing that is masculine. The same goes for femininity.
Everything that is feminine is related to every other thing that is feminine. So how can you use this to arouse your girlfriend?
Since ‘arousal’ is part of masculinity, and therefore belongs to the left side of the list above, you can take your pick from the left side of the list. Everything that is masculine by nature will strengthen the feeling of arousal. Let’s say you decide to put on some music. If this is the right move or not, is totally not important. It’s not what you do - it’s how you do it. It’s what type of music you put on that’s important. And I’m not talking about rock or dance music - I’m talking about the energy level. Look at the list above. What type of energy level belongs to masculinity? High energy level. You put on music with high energy level, because that will make the room more masculine (more sexual). What about the volume level? High or low? Yes, you guessed it. You put on high energy music and you turn the volume up. The room becomes more masculine/sexual - just what you wanted. What else can you do? Now, without asking, drag you girlfriend forcefully up from her chair, and then pull her tightly into you. You are now using masculinity. ‘Force’, ‘leading’, ‘dominating’, ‘taking’ and ‘tight’ are all part of masculinity, and the situation becomes more sexual, since arousal is part of masculinity too. Are you with me here? If you had chosen low energy music, like a ballad, and then stretched out your hand and asked your girlfriend, in a nice way, if she wanted to dance with you, then you wouldn’t have turned her on. (Side note: You are leading, and that will always create some sexual attraction, but you’re leading in a feminine way.) The situation would have become more feminine – more intimate.
That’s perfectly fine if that was your intention. You choose what to do in every situation. You must always make decisions according to what you want to achieve – you’re in control. It’s up to you if you want to turn up her arousal-volume-knob or her intimacy-volume-knob. Let’s continue with the example. Let’s have some fun with your girlfriend. As you’re standing there pulling her tightly against you, you decide to kiss her. As always, it’s not important if you kiss her or not - it’s how you kiss her. Do you kiss her in a feminine way, or a masculine way? What do you want to achieve? If you want her to feel more sexual, then you kiss her in a masculine way. And what is a “masculine kiss”? Look at the list above. You can be forceful, aggressive, dirty or maybe all of the above. Just be creative. What about holding her head firmly between your hands, while licking her face like a dog… I don’t know what you like - only you do. The key factor here is that you change the context of the situation rather than changing your partner’s emotions. You are changing her emotions indirectly. You don’t focus on arousal at all - you only change the context of the situation she is in. This is a very effective way of changing someone’s emotions. For example, if a friend of yours has a bad day, then you can tell him a funny story, or take him out to see a movie. By changing the situation he is in, his emotions will change too. When it comes to women and sex, this strategy is highly effective, since women are followers in sexual settings - as you have already learned. This means that they will automatically adapt to the situation they are in. When you change a woman’s surroundings, then her emotions will follow.
This will work every time, as long as you don’t change the situation you’re in too fast. If your girlfriend isn’t already very aroused, then you can’t do anything very masculine - that would be creepy. Take one little step at a time. Some women get aroused when you lick their faces, but it has to be in the right context. A very sexual (masculine) action - like face licking - demands a very sexual (masculine) setting.
Nothing is unnatural when it comes to sex. Things are only unnatural if it’s out of context. For instance, most women get very turned on by being called a whore or slut. If everything in the situation is very sexual (masculine), then using names like ‘whore’ and ‘slut’ is alright. Using words that are out of context feels strange and awkward. For instance, saying, “Suck my cock!” would fit a highly sexual situation, but saying, “Suck my penis!” would be a weird thing to say. The word ‘penis’ is a nice (feminine) name for your private parts, and therefore out of context.
Women are very sensitive to the situation they are in. Almost anything goes if it’s in the right context. Whatever you want to do, first change the context. That’s why you put on high energy music, and that’s why you start to behave more assertively and aggressively. You change everything except her emotions. The result is that her emotions will change too. A woman’s emotions will follow what’s going on around her. (Women are followers in a sexual setting, remember.) When you start to behave in a more masculine way (being assertive, turning up the energy level, being forceful, being sexual, etc.) then your partner’s emotions will adapt to the situation. She will feel more sexual (sexy, hot, naughty, wild, excited, aroused, etc.) You are turning up her arousal-level-knob.
What else can you do to turn her on even more? What about lifting her up, carry her into your bedroom and throw her onto the bed? What about commanding her to pull down her pants? What about saying with a loud and aggressive voice, “I want to lick your pussy. Bend over!! Show me what you got!” I think you get the idea. Everything you do is masculine: what you say how you say it, what you do - how you do it. Use the list above to guide you, and expand the list if you want to. Usually it’s easy to see what’s masculine and what’s feminine. I want you to start thinking of sex as black or white. Everything you do or feel is either sexual or intimate. In the first chapter of this book I mentioned that sex is best when it’s taken to the extreme. You can choose the one extreme - arousal, or you choose the other extreme intimacy. Trying to create both arousal and intimacy at the same time is like mixing black and white. Both black and white are great, but by mixing them you’ll end up with an uninteresting gray bore. You can of course alternate between arousal an intimacy (and you should) - but don’t try to create both of them at the same time. By alternating between arousal and intimacy, you’ll take your partner on an emotional roller-coaster ride, and she’ll never know what to expect. Nothing boring about that… Before we look at another example, let me yet again explain how you change a woman’s emotions indirectly. I really want you to get this. When you are changing a woman’s emotions by changing the situation you’re in, then you have to follow two rules. Rule 1: What you do or say have to be in context to your partner’s emotions.
For instance, if your partner’s arousal level is at 20%, then you can’t do anything highly sexual/masculine, such as being very aggressive or calling her dirty names. That will be out of context, and you’ll freak her out. Rule 2: You have to be a little out of context. This seems to go against the first rule, but stay with me here. If your partner’s arousal level is at 20%, and the things you’re doing are at 20% or less, then nothing will happen. You have to stay a little ahead of your partner. When you turn up the “masculinity level” of the situation you’re in to 30%, then your partner’s arousal level will instantly follow. In other words, you have to stay just a little bit ahead of your partner. In this way she will change her emotions to adapt to the situation. And if you haven’t already guessed it: all of this is unconscious. Your partner doesn’t choose to change her emotions - it just happens. Example 2: You’re at work texting your wife. The texts are getting more sexual, and you feel like telling your wife to put on something sexy for you to come home to. You text your wife: “I want you to put on something really hot and sexy for me. Tonight I want you to be my own little sex toy.” This text fits the context you are in. You have already sent each other some sexual texts, and now you’re just taking it a little further - making the situation even more sexual (masculine). You wife texts you back: “Oh, baby! I can be your little sex toy all night. What do you want me to wear?” What do you tell her? Do you know anything about clothes?
Well, here is why I love the yin/yang theory - you don’t have to know anything about clothes - just use the list above. You want her to put on something sexy, and sexy belongs to masculinity. Simply use the left side of the list above. Tell her put on something tight, like tight jeans. Tight clothes are sexy because ‘tight’ belongs to masculinity. Tell her to pick something black or red. Black and red are sexy, because ‘black’ and ‘red’ belongs to masculinity. Tell her to put on high heels – ‘high’ belongs to masculinity. Tell her to put on more makeup than she usually uses, especially dark colored makeup – ‘more’ and ‘dark’ belong to masculinity. Now, without knowing anything about clothes, you can text your wife: “I want you to wear your new tight jeans, your black high heel boots, and your hot red top. And by the way, don’t hold back on the eyeliner I expect a whore tonight - not a wife…” Okay, now you’re probably starting to see why I wanted you to learn the yin/yang theory. It’s perfect for understanding sex. It’s of course not a flawless theory, but it’s certainly a simple theory. So simple, that you can use it in the bedroom, or on a date without getting inside your own head. Soon you’ll just know what to do and how to do it without even thinking about it.
Changing Emotions – Directly When you change a woman’s emotions indirectly, you only focus on the situation you are in - not the emotions. Now, I want you to only focus on the emotions - nothing else. You are going to block out everything, except your emotions. Did you get that…? Your emotions. Not your partner’s emotions only your emotions. I hope you’re not one of those people who think they can change others. I used to believe I could change other people, and my life was
an everlasting uphill battle - especially with women. If you don’t already know it, then let me tell you: you can never change other people - not even their emotions. When you’re changing a woman’s emotions directly, you’re not really changing her emotions - it’s just a figure of speech. You are changing your emotions, and she can choose to follow - if she wants to. Let me explain. Recall the last time you listened to a nervous speaker. Do you remember what you felt yourself? When I watch someone nervous, I get nervous too. Do you have a person in your life who’s always negative? (Maybe your mother… or mother in law…). Do you get negative yourself when you’re with that person? Have you noticed how some people just seem to light up the room when they enter. They make everyone feel good. For some strange reason we tend to copy other people’s feelings. It makes no sense to me why we do this, but it happens all the time. It happens in an instance, and it’s totally subconscious. As I have told you time and time again: women are followers in sexual settings. This means that you can change your own emotions, and your partner will change her emotions too. This is what I mean by changing a woman’s emotions directly.
You change what you feel, and your partner’s feelings will follow. The great thing about this is that you can change your own emotions at any time. You can’t change others, but you’re in full control over yourself.
In other words, if you want your partner to feel arousal, then create that feeling in yourself. If you want her to feel love and intimacy, then create the feelings of love and intimacy inside yourself. If you haven’t tried this with anyone before, then you’re in for a surprise - it’s very powerful. Example 1: You bring your date home with you for the first time. She’s a shy girl, and you can feel how she’s holding back as you start making out. It’s like she’s holding both her breath and emotions inside herself. You want her to let go, and let herself get in the mood. This situation is perfect for changing her emotions directly. You have been leading the whole way, and you have done everything to change the situation you’re in to a more sexual one. It’s doesn’t seem to work, because she has problems letting go of her arousal - she’s suppressing it. Here, you simply do what you want her to do. You want her to let go of her breath and her arousal, therefore you start to breathe deeper yourself, and you let yourself get more aroused. When you do this gradually - your date will very likely follow both your deep breathing and your arousal level. Again, women hate everything that’s out of context. If she chooses not to follow your arousal level, then she is the one who’s out of context. She and her emotions are the odd ones out. This will be uncomfortable for her, and therefore she will rather follow your emotions. (This is of course not a rational choice - it’s an automatic response.) You can be certain that your date desperately wants to let go of her suppressed emotions. She will be thankful that you are the one brave enough to take the first step and let go of your own emotions first. She will be more than happy to follow your lead.
Changing a woman’s emotions directly (and indirectly) is in a sense nothing other than leading. You are leading her emotions. Again, you see the importance of leaning. Leading is EVERYTHING when it comes to seduction and sex. Example 2: Let’s go the other way. Now we’re going to turn up your partner’s intimacy level. She will definitely follow your feelings, since intimacy is one of those feelings women never seem to get enough of. The best (and easiest) time to create a lot in intimacy is right after sex. After sex and especially right after orgasm, the arousal level will drop down to zero. Suddenly all the masculinity is gone and only femininity is left. The energy level is low, everything you do is in slow motion, and when you talk it’s more like whispering. As you have learned, you can boost her intimacy level indirectly. For instance, whisper something intimate right into her ear. Be soft (feminine), and use nice (feminine) words. Here are some examples: “Baby, I love you so much...” “Thank you for taking care of me. You’re so good to me....” “I feel so close to you right now...” Remember that you have to whisper these sentences, or else it will seem incongruent and fake. (Out of context). Now, let’s try to create intimacy without even saying a word. Let’s turn up your girlfriend’s intimacy level directly, by creating the feeling of intimacy inside of you. To do this you have to get in contact with what you’re feeling. Grab hold of the feelings of love and intimacy you feel for your partner, and then indulge in them. Don’t hold it back. Strengthen your feelings by focusing on them.
If this is new for you, then try this: When you’re in bed with your partner, then try to make yourself cry… I know you’re a guy, and this may be uncomfortable, but at least test it out. If you want good relationships with women, then you have to come in contact with your emotions - all of them. Try and make yourself cry, while you simultaneously say the following to yourself: “I can’t believe how much I love my girl. She is so wonderful to me. She loves me so much. She is willing to please me in every way. I feel so close to her...” If you get teary-eyed, then that’s great. Let your partner see how much you love her. That’s the whole point of changing your partner’s emotions directly. If you can’t feel it, then she can’t feel it. It’s important that you keep eye contact when you do this. You have to communicate when you transfer your feelings to your partner. I believe this direct transference of love and intimacy is what women want more than anything from a man. Forget about arousal, multiple orgasms, female ejaculation and all that other fun stuff. When you have the power to make a woman feel a deep sense of love, closeness and intimacy - just by looking at her - then you’ll shake her to the core. It’s the most satisfying thing you can do for a woman. Changing a woman’s emotions directly is easy. And it’s damn effective. It’s like you have one hand on your partner’s arousal-level-knob, and your other hand on her intimacy-level-knob. Turning her on and making her feel love and intimacy at an instance notice. But… Yes, there is a but… two in fact. To do this, you have to have two important skills. Two skills that a lot of guys struggle with. Those two skills are honesty and presence.
We have already talked about honesty in chapter 3, and we’ll look closer at presence in chapter 9. But let me quickly explain why these two skills are essential when it comes to changing your partner’s emotions. Let’s say you’re making love to your girlfriend, and the predominant feeling you’re feeling is intimacy. If you’re not honest or in contact with your own feelings, then you simply don’t know that the feeling you’re feeling is intimacy. If you don’t know that you’re feeling love and intimacy, then how can you turn up your own intimacy-volume-knob? Because that’s what you got to do. You can’t change your partner’s intimacy level - you can only change your own. It’s your own intimacy-volume-knob you’re turning not your partner’s. Having a high level of presence is also essential. Without a high level of presence, you are stuck in your own head, and you can’t create emotional connection. Since the emotional connection between you and your partner is the link between your feelings and her feeling, you need this connection to transfer your feelings to your partner. If you don’t have these two vital skills, then learn them. I wasn’t in contact with my own emotions, and I was stuck in my own head all the time, but I realized that I had to change. If I could change myself, so can you… Everything can be learned. You just have to make a decision to start. When you first start, you’ll be surprised to see how much fun it is. In my opinion, there is nothing that beats satisfying a woman in the bedroom… …and what she’ll do in return is priceless…
Chapter 8: Fucking and Lovemaking
Fucking Definition of fucking: Fucking is sex with relatively more masculinity and sexual tension, and relatively less femininity and emotional connection. This can be done in two ways. Either you can build a lot of sexual tension, or you can downplay emotional connection. If you stop communicating with your partner during sex, you will relatively get more sexual tension. This is possible to do in a long term relationship, since you already have love and intimacy accumulated. If you like to have wild and dirty sex (fucking), then you have to build up love and intimacy through a relationship. With a relationship I don't necessarily mean a traditional monogamous relationship, since any kind of relationship will do, as long as you have love, intimacy and trust. (More on creating trust in chapter 9). Let's look at some fucking examples...! Example 1: After eating breakfast together with your wife, you realize that you’re uncomfortably horny. You have no more than 3 minutes to spare before you have to get to work. You look at your wife as she is a piece of meat ready to be used for your satisfaction, and she knows instantly what you’re thinking and feeling. Aggressively, you bend your wife over the kitchen table, pull down her panties and use her body to relieve yourself. After you’re done, you’ve
no time to connect with your wife, and as you walk out the front door you say half-jokingly, "Clean yourself! You look like a mess." In this example there’s relatively more sexual tension than emotional connection. It's not that there’s much sexual tension - 3 minutes is not enough time to build a lot of arousal - but there’s almost no emotional connection, and that’s what makes it very sexual. You treat you wife like she’s a piece of meat (an object), and both of you will be turned on rather quickly. The fact that you don't even care about her satisfaction will make her even more turned on, since she’ll feel more like an object. This kind of sex is only possible in a loving relationship, where your partner knows for sure that you love and respect her. You already have a deep emotional connection. Example 2: You're having a one-night stand with a girl you met in a club. You’re trying out different sexual positions, and as soon as you take her doggystyle, you notice that she’s getting more excited. Since you love to please women, you continue to take her from behind, but to your surprise she suddenly starts to lose her arousal. You start spanking her, knowing that this will make her feel more like an object, thus turning her on again. This doesn’t seem to work, and soon she wants you to stop all together. What is going on here? When you start taking this girl from behind, you stop communicating (no eye contact, no kissing). This increases the sexual tension compared to the emotional connection, and she gets more aroused. Since this is a one-night stand, and you don't have a relationship build on love, respect and intimacy, she’ll soon feel uncomfortable with all
the sexual tension. When you try to get her even more turn on by spanking her, it's just too much sexual feelings compared to love and intimacy. Get it? You have to start communicating again to build more love and intimacy. Pleasing her body isn't enough. She (her consciousness) needs attention too. Sexual feelings have to be rooted in love and intimacy. Let’s look at a final fucking example. This time we won’t hold back. We’ll amp it up as much as we can, building arousal through the roof. Now you want your partner to orgasm like her life depended on it. This example may seem extreme to you, or even sick, depending on what you’re used to. As always, the point here is that I want you to learn the theory of sex. It's impossible for me to know what you like sexually… Example 3: You take one of your girlfriends out to a nice romantic restaurant. Even though you love each other and enjoy each other’s company, none of you want at committed relationship. While you’re enjoying the tasty food, you’re listening to your girlfriend talking about the things she has been up to since you saw her last. After the dinner you decide to go see a scary movie. This dinner/movie date may seem unrelated to sex, but it's not. One of the most important things you have to do to create both sexual attraction and emotional connection is to TAKE YOUR TIME. If you like to satisfy your partner sexually, then you have to build up feelings slowly. It's difficult to do things TOO slow, so take your time - the reward will be worth it.
The romantic dinner fills your girlfriend with feelings and emotions, and she becomes more feminine. You listening to her talk about herself will also make her more feminine. Watching the scary movie fills her with fear, which makes her even more feminine. Her feminine side will be a contrast to your masculinity (leading and giving her attention). This makes her attracted to you. During the date you also want to focus on building love and intimacy, even though you already have this in the relationship. You take your time building a strong connection between you and your girlfriend through eye contact, talking, kissing and holding hands. After the movie, you invite her back to your apartment. Now that she’s filled with femininity, you can be certain she wants sex. You have had sex many times before, so she trusts you to do almost anything you like to her, even though you can be both brutal and sick when it comes to sex. It doesn’t really matter to her, since she’s as sick as you. (Many women are quite extreme when it comes to sex…) You tell your girlfriend to get undressed, and to lie face down on the floor. You get your bondage rope and tie her arms tightly behind her back. Then you tie her ankles to her thighs. You take your time tying her, making her look beautiful. This will of course make her feel even more like an object, and more turned on. After she’s restrained, you start to beat her with a flogger. You make sure that her buttocks and upper back become nice and red. The stress from the bondage and the pain from the flogging fill your partner with feelings and emotions, thus making her more feminine and more aroused. Side note: I know I’m repeating myself over and over. I do this deliberately for you to understand how important this is. When it comes
to sex, you only have to learn a few simple principles, and use them over and over again in various ways. You can hear your girlfriend’s heavy breathing, which is a clear sign that she’s highly aroused. (This heavy breathing may come from stress and pain, and not from arousal, but in practice there’s no difference. Stress, pain and arousal are just different types of feelings.) Now, you put a vibrator between her legs. Within 30 seconds, all the feelings and emotions you’ve built up during the evening are released in a body shaking orgasm. You give your girlfriend some time to come to her senses, and then, while she’s still in bondage, you start to fuck her mouth. Since you know each other well, she trusts you to stop immediately if she wants to, even though she has your cock in her mouth and can’t speak. Right now she definitely doesn’t want to stop you. It pleases her and arouses her immensely that you use her body to satisfy yourself. The fact that she can take your cock all the way down her throat, even though it's difficult, makes her feel both proud and powerful. She accepts that you own her body, and she enjoys being yours. (This is of course an illusion. She’s in full control over herself. That's what makes her feel powerful.) As you continue to deepthroat your girlfriend, you lean forward and put the vibrator between her legs once more. You can feel her orgasm going through her body, while she struggles not to throw up on your cock. You continue the deepthroating, but now harder and deeper than before, until she can’t take it anymore, and she throws up all over your cock. You check in on her just to be sure she’s okay, then you continue fucking her throat...
This last example isn’t different from the two previous ones. You’re doing just two different things at the basic level - building arousal and building intimacy. The only difference is how much time you take to build arousal and intimacy. As a general rule: more patience equals more feelings of arousal and intimacy. You can build up feelings and emotions in an endless different ways. For example with a romantic dinner, a movie, a massage, making out, spanking, bondage, tickling, humor, humiliation or whatever YOU like. Do what YOU like to do. Women are so diverse when it comes to sex anything goes for most women, as long as YOU are comfortable with it. Now let’s look at what I personally think is even better than fucking.
Lovemaking It’s my belief that there’s only one thing women like more than fucking - and that’s lovemaking. It's easy for us guys to think that if we just make a woman orgasm in bed, then she’ll be satisfied. But for women, feelings of love and closeness are even more powerful than arousal and orgasms. If you make a woman feel more love and connectedness than she has ever felt before, then she’ll come back to you time and time again. Women never get tired of love. You have probably already guessed my definition of lovemaking, but here it is anyway. Definition of lovemaking: Lovemaking is sex with relatively more femininity and emotional connection, and relatively less masculinity and sexual tension.
It’s called lovemaking for a reason - you make love. That is, you create love and intimacy between you and your partner. You don't use your masculinity that much when you make love compared to when you fuck. You still have to lead and create arousal, but not that much. Instead you use your feminine side more. You become caring and sensitive, and you let go of your masculine sense of purpose and direction (the active part of masculinity). The only part of your masculine side you’re using when you make love is your presence (your consciousness). Remember that love is the connection between your consciousness and your partner’s consciousness - or emotional connection if you will. Your presence is the non-doing (passive) part of your masculinity. It's the part you use to give your partner attention. When you fuck you use this passive part of your masculinity to give attention to your partner’s BODY, but when you make love you give more attention to your partner’s CONSCIOUSNESS. You don't care that much about her body right now, you care about HER. The focus should be on two-way communication. By talking (mostly heavy breathing and moaning), kissing, holding hands and eye contact, both of you will feel more love and intimacy. When you fuck you’re more goal-oriented, but when you make love you don't want to achieve anything. Not even orgasms are important when you make love. Everything is more floating and circular, and the separation between you and your partner begins to disappear. It feels like no one is leading and no one is being led - you both move in synchronicity.
Build love and intimacy with talking, eye contact, kissing and by holding hands. Then add more or less sexual tension. Be more feminine than masculine. Go slow, be soft, sensitive, caring and loving. Don’t use any dirty words like you do while fucking. It better to say things like, “I feel so close to you right now…” or “I love you so much…”. Say it with a soft voice. Whisper it into your partner’s ear. Make sure you take your time when you make love. There’s nothing you and your partner shall achieve. Lovemaking is not a means to an end - it's just a manifestation of love. Don't hold back on your emotions when you make love. This is not the time to be "manly" and tough. If it gets so emotional that you start to tear up, then let your partner see it - she will be delighted. Open your heart, and let your partner know how much you love her, then she’ll open her heart as well. The focus should be on love itself, not on what you do. Even if you only lie beside each other in bed, and gently kiss and care for each other, it’s lovemaking. As long as you both feel love, closeness and intimacy, you are making love.
Fucking vs. Lovemaking Even though fucking and lovemaking are two very different acts, there’s an interesting connection between them. The more sexual attraction you’re creating and the wilder the sex (fucking), the stronger the emotional connection and the feeling of love and intimacy. This seems like a paradox since sexual feelings are the complete opposite of loving feelings. In reality they are closely connected to each other.
If you like to feel deep love and intimacy with a woman, then being very sexual together (fucking) is a necessity. Extreme sexual tension rapidly turns into extreme emotional connection. I’m sure you’ve felt this yourself right after sex. You suddenly feel love and closeness right after you orgasm. Arousal and intimacy are in this way mutually connected. You can't have the one without the other. Guys who don’t know how to pick-up women, often don’t get this connection between sexual feelings and intimate feelings. They try to seduce women by creating a strong emotional connection without any sexual tension. (I have been there myself...) The result is that they can't build intimacy at all, even if that's all they’re trying to do. You can’t build much intimacy with a woman without also building arousal. These guys are acting more like women, and at best they end up being a woman’s (girl)friend. More often than not, women are creeped out by this kind of behavior from men. It’s creepy for a woman when a man is being loving and cuddly without creating any sexual attraction. Side note: It’s nothing wrong with being cuddly with a woman. I love that myself – it’s one of my favorite things I do with women. But I only do that with women who’s sexually attracted to me – or else I would be a creep. Speaking of girlfriends... Have you noticed how intimate girls can be with each other? Well, of course you have... This type of love and intimacy has a limit, since there usually isn't that much sexual attraction between women. Even when two heterosexual girlfriends end up having sex (not that uncommon by the way…), the intimacy is weaker than it is between men and women. This is because two women usually don’t have rough sex. They tend to make love rather than fuck. When a man and a woman have sex
however, it’s usually much more sexual, thus the relationship ends up being more intimate. Just as sexual feelings are essential for creating intimacy - intimacy is essential for creating sexual feelings. For instance, if you like rough sex, then you have to first build love and intimacy. When you’ve sex with someone for the first time, you can’t really be that sexual. This is the reason I don’t like one-night stands. You can’t be either very sexual or very intimate when having a one-night stand. Because of the close connection between arousal and intimacy, you can’t either fuck or make love the first time you’re in bed with a new sexual partner. The second, third and fourth time you’re in bed together, everything starts getting much better. Now, both of you can really get in to it. If you want to, you can make sweet tender love, because you’ve already been very sexual together. And you can have crazy dirty animal sex, because you’ve built up love and intimacy in the relationship.
The more sexual you are with a woman, the more potential for deep love. And the more love, the more potential for sexual feelings. In this way, lovemaking and fucking go hand in hand. They are the Yin and Yang of sex.
Chapter 9 How to Lead a Woman, Part 2 - How to Deal with Rejection In this part of ‘how to lead a woman’, we’re going more into details. Especially step 3 of leading. Step 1 and step 2 are pretty straight forward. They are about what you like to do. Step 3 is no longer about you - it’s about your partner. Step 3 is also quite simple - you just register your partner’s response. This response is either ‘yes’ or ‘no’. The woman you’re leading is either accepting or rejecting your lead. However, when it comes to women and sex, there’s also a third type of response – mixed signals. A mixed signal is when a woman says ‘yes’ and ‘no’ at the same time. Knowing what to do when you get mixed signals is crucial when dealing with a woman.
Mixed Signals There’s probably nothing more irritating for us guys than mixed signals. (Especially if you don’t understand the point of mixed signals). It’s not in our nature to understand ‘yes’ and ‘no’ at the same time. It isn’t logical. To keep your partner from driving you insane, you better learn what mixed signals mean. It is some logic to it after all... First, you have to understand that mixed signals are very common. Second, it means different things at different times. Third, it’s not that difficult to deal with.
Let’s get to it…
3 reasons for mixed signals 1. Your partner is testing you 2. Your partner wants to create sexual tension 3. Your partner feels fear (You haven’t created enough trust) The last one is by far the most common, but we’ll begin with the two others.
1. Your partner is testing you This usually happens in the beginning of a relationship, especially from the moment you first meet until you have sex for the first time. Here’s an example. You start talking to a woman in a bar. You get along fine, and you decide to take her to a quieter part of the bar. You say, “Let’s go over to the lounge, it’s quieter there.” She smiles confidently and answers, “So you want to separate me from my friends. What are you up to?” This is mixed signals. Her smile says ‘yes’ and her words say ‘no’. This is a typical test. She is testing if you are a 'man', or if you are a 'boy'. If you are a man, you will not react to her test at all. If you are a boy however, you will probably react with emotions, like irritation or disappointment. To be more precise: she is testing your BELIEFS. Your response to her test will give her the answer right away. If one of your beliefs is: ‘women have the right to make their own choices’, then you won’t react negatively to her test. You accept that she has the right to say and do anything she wants.
An adult person will always respect other people’s boundaries. If you’re a boy trapped inside an adult body however, then you won’t accept rejection. Remember, you are not controlling women, you are leading women. It’s her choice whether she want to follow your lead. You have no right to react negatively no matter what she chooses to do. In addition to not reacting with emotions, what do you do when a woman is testing you? Do you take it as a ‘yes’, and lead in the same direction, or do you take it as a ‘no’, and lead in another direction? The answer... (and it’s always the same answer): You always take mixed signals as a ‘yes’, and keep on leading in the same direction. ALWAYS! Don't ever forget this, it's crucial. Always keep on going. Depending on the situation, you might want to give her some time before you keep on leading, or you may just go on with it. Let's continue with the example. If the woman in the bar wasn’t sexually attracted to you, she wouldn't have sent you mixed signals. This means, she just needs to test you a, to make sure you are the man she hopes you are. All of this is unconscious of course. This ‘testing mechanism’ is genetically hard-wired in women to protect them from having sex with the wrong man (a man who doesn’t have the skills to be a good hunter/protector.) If you want to pass every test women throw at you, then simply ignore them - that will always work. The whole point of a test is to provoke an emotional response. If you don't react with emotions, you have passed the test.
It doesn’t matter what you say or do, just hold your ground and keep on leading. Don’t start to think and try to come back with a smart or witty response. Keep it simple. Of course, if you’re a funny guy, then you can response with something witty, as long as this response comes without any hesitation. I'm not that funny, so I usually just say the same thing twice. That usually works like a charm. You might repeat what you said, “Let's go to the lounge, it’s quiet there.” You reach out your hand (step 1 and 2), inviting her to take it, then if she accepts (step 3), you both go to the lounge. She might still not be convinced that you are the man she hopes you are, so she starts to test you some more. That’s okay, since you don’t control her - you lead her.
2. Your partner wants to create sexual tension This is the fun part of mixed signals. It’s one of the main techniques women use to make a situation more sexual. When your partner is horny and wants sex, it’s likely she will use mixed signals to create sexual tension. As you know, women don’t like to take charge and lead, even when they’re turned on. Instead they use mixed signals to turn the situation more sexual. Here’s a typical example. Your partner may be a little turned on, but she wants you to turn her on even more. She will say ‘no’ to everything you say, but she does it with a smile (mixed signals). The signals she’s sending is: “Keep on leading, don’t stop. I’m almost there...” If she really wanted you to stop, she wouldn’t be smiling.
Let’s go into the mechanics here. It’s important that you understand what’s going on in these kinds of situations. Women try to create sexual tension all the time, but guys don’t pick up the subtle signals. (Or to me more precise: guys don’t pick up on the mixed signals.) By the way, if you haven’t guessed it, what we’re talking about here is flirting. This kind of mixed signals is nothing other than good old fashioned flirting (or teasing). Here’s how it usually goes… 1. The woman is turned on and wants things to happen… She creates some kind of tension. a) She says ‘no’ to your lead – and smiles. (Mixed signals.) Example: The woman from the bar (previous example) is testing and flirting at the same time. b) She does something naughty - and smiles. (Mixed signals.) Example: Out of the blue, your wife spanks you ass. 2. She wants you to turn up the tension by acting more masculine. a) You lead more assertively, and behave more sexual. Example: “Yes, I want to separate you from your friends, and then I’m going to do bad things to you.”
b) You punish the woman (or threaten to punish her). Example: After your wife spanks your ass, you say with a very assertive (but also playful) tone of voice, “Are you going to be a good little girl? Or do I need to punish you?” 3. She breaks the tension by... a) ...laughing. Example: The girl from the bar laughs at your joke. b) ...complying. Example: Your ass spanking wife looks at you with big Bambi eyes, and answers in a fake apologetic submissive voice, “I’m going to a good little girl… I promise…” 4. She’s more turned on by your dominance (just what she wanted in the first place), and she starts the cycle again by creating even more tension. a) She teases you once more (she tests you again). Example: The girl from the bar says, "Really... Maybe I'm the one who's going to do bad things to you..." b) She does something naughty once more. Example: Your wife breaks her promise, and spanks your ass once again… Do you see what’s going on here?
This is a very common playful (and sexual) interaction between men and women, both during seduction and foreplay. It really frustrates women that a lot of guys don’t get this type of interaction. For women, this is obvious and natural. Guys who are rational by nature (nerds, geeks, me…) take what women say literally. They don’t see the playful and sexual sub-communication. I used to think that women weren’t that sexual, just because I didn’t understand this type of communication. Now, I see that women often start the sexual communication by sending mixed signals. When a woman wants sex, she can’t take the lead, because it’s not in her nature. Instead she “forces” the man to lead by acting “difficult”. ‘Sexual tension’ is called ‘sexual tension’ for a reason. When a woman acts “difficult” (being naughty, saying no (while smiling), making fun of you, teasing you, etc.) she creates friction or tension between you and her. In a non-sexual situation (between friends), this type of tension creates a stronger friendship. Between men and women, this kind of tension usually turns into sexual tension. ‘Tension’ and ‘sexual tension’ are so intertwined that I don’t think of them as two different things. When you create tension between you and a woman, it’s usually always sexual tension. (As long as the woman isn’t a friend, a coworker, or a family member.) Side note: Any type of tension can turn sexual, as long as it isn’t any negative emotions involved. The tension doesn’t necessarily have to be playful, but there can’t be any feelings of frustration, anger or contempt. Not long ago, I was lying in bed working on my laptop, when my girl suddenly bit my shoulder (I mean really, really hard…screaming-out-
loud hard…). Then she jumped out of bed, ran to a corner of my bedroom, and curled up in a fetal position on the floor, while she was giggling like a little schoolgirl. She knew me well… She knew I would come after her and bite her twice as hard back. And that’s exactly what she wanted. She was bored and horny, and she wanted me to stop working on my laptop and have sex with her instead. And guess what? Her tactic worked… Side note: I said that this girl knew me well. In fact, this shoulder biting incidence happened the first night we spent together. I’d met her in a bar a couples of hours earlier. She - her female nature - knew me well. These kind of playful (and occasionally painful) interactions between men and women are hard-wired. It’s natural for woman to behave this way – and it should be natural for you too… Be aware when you get resistance or rejection from a woman. Is the resistance or rejection combined with a smile or laughter? If it is, then it’s a mixed signal. This means that she’s sexually attracted to you, and she wants you to lead. The more “naughty”, “bad” or “difficult” she is, the more she wants you to be dominant (masculine). Make sure you do your part – be dominant. Then you’ll see something interesting happens: she’ll start to act submissive. This is a natural way for men and women to behave in a sexual setting. Let’s recap once more. I’ll make it really simple this time: The woman “acts” dominant (to provoke an even more dominant reaction from the man.)
The man (that’s you) reclaims his dominant position by acting and behaving more dominant and masculine than the woman. The woman submits to the man’s dominance. The extreme polarity between the feminine (the submissive woman) and the masculine (the dominant man) creates sexual feelings in both the man and the women – also known as arousal. The man and the woman can’t help themselves, and jump into bed… 9 months later they’re in serious trouble… And by the way, you don’t have to wait for your partner to provoke a dominant reaction. You can start the seduction/foreplay yourself by behaving dominant. In other words, don’t wait until your partner sends you mixed signals. If you’re horny and want sex, just start to create playful tension between you and your partner…
3. Your partner feels fear (She doesn’t trust you enough) Fear is the most common reason for mixed signals. This is often manifested as a nervous smile or nervous laughter. Knowing how to deal with your partner’s fears is crucial. The remedy for fear is TRUST. If you don’t know how to create trust, then forget about sex. You wouldn't even get a woman home with you.
How to Create Trust When you meet a woman for the first time, or when you have sex for the first time, there’s one question on her mind that stands out. “Can I trust this man?” For women, trust is everything. Without trust, sexual attraction and emotional connection are worthless. A woman will put herself in great
danger, physically and emotionally, if she has sex with a man she doesn’t trust. If you’re in a long term relationship, trust is still important. In fact, it’s essential for a good sex life. Trust is the degree a person expects the other person to behave. Trust is never 0% or 100%, it’s in between. If you’re in a relationship with almost 100% trust, then your partner will let you do almost anything you want. She trusts you to take care of her, and she knows you won't harm her in any way. She doesn’t even have to know the things you’re planning to do with her, since you’ve already proven yourself to be trustworthy. She allows herself to let go of her own body. Her body is yours, and it will be yours for as long as she feels she can trust you. When you’re in a relationship with this kind of trust, it feels liberating – both for you and your partner. How do you create trust? Trust is something you have to earn. You can’t demand trust any more than you can demand a woman to feel attraction towards you. It doesn’t necessarily take a long time to build almost 100% trust, but you definitely have to earn it. And how do you earn or build trust…? It’s very simple. You take no for an answer – every time. No means no. Side note: I know this goes against what I have been preaching about mixed signals. As always, you have to lead in the same direction when you get mixed signals. In other words, ‘no’ doesn’t always mean ‘stop’. This will be fully explained in chapter 11: How to Lead a Woman, part 3. For now, let’s make it simple and pretend that no means no every time.
Women make their own choices. You can't get everything you want, anytime you want it. You’re an adult - just deal with it. It's not your right to criticize other people’s choices. You just have to lead in another direction.
Every time you take no for an answer, you create trust. Think about this for a second. Every time a woman says no to you, you create trust. This means that getting 'no' from a woman is a good thing, since you can prove yourself as trustworthy. Here are two golden rules when it comes to building trust: 1. Don’t ever start arguing when your partner says ‘no’. NOT EVER!! Don’t say, “But you liked it the last time we tried.” Or “If you do it, I’m sure you’ll like it.” Or “Why don’t you just try!!?” Sex has nothing to do with reason, and she probably doesn’t even know why she doesn’t want to do it. Sex is about feelings, and right now she doesn't feel like doing it. She doesn't have to justify herself to you – she’s not your child. 2. Don’t ever react with emotions when your partner says ‘no’. NOT EVER!! Don’t get irritated, frustrated or disappointed. If you love women, and respect other people's choices, this will never happen anyway. Side note: You can't choose not to get emotional, but you can choose to change yourself. If you get irritated, frustrated or disappointed when a woman says 'no', then try to find the reason for your emotional reaction.
The reason you feel irritation or disappointment comes from you, not your partner. (Hint: Check your beliefs – they are always the reason you react with emotions.) There are much better ways to convince your partner to do exactly what you want. (Stay tuned for ‘How to Lead a Woman, part 3’.) I mentioned earlier in this book that trust has two aspects to it, a physical and an emotional. What I have explained above has to do with building physical trust. When it comes to emotional trust, it’s so simple that I won’t use more than two words to explain it. Here it is: Don’t lie. If you’re a liar, then God help you – because I certainly can’t…
Commanding, Asking and Dominating Before we move on to the most important chapter in this book, I would like to explain the difference between 'commanding' your partner, and 'asking' your partner. Look at these two sentences: "Do you want to join me for dinner tonight?" And "Join me for dinner tonight!" These two sentences are both questions – not commands. It doesn’t matter that the second sentence ends with an exclamation point. As long as you wait for your partner to respond to your suggestion, it’s a question.
It's nothing wrong with asking women questions, especially yes or no questions. But when it comes to sex, women don't like to get questions at all. They want to be told what to do, or just “taken” by their partners. They like to be commanded. But what exactly is a command? With a command you don't wait for your partner’s response - you just do it. This sounds strange, since you have to respect your partner’s choice. If you don't, you’re controlling her, not leading her. Let me straighten out the confusion for you. When you have sex you don't have time to wait for your partner’s response. It would take too long for your partner to respond to every little thing you do. Let’s say you’re kissing your partner all over her body. You can't stop for every kiss you make, to check if this is acceptable for her or not. And as I mentioned earlier, a woman don't like to be asked, she want you to please yourself by using her body in any manner you like. So what do you do? How do you command or use your girlfriend's body without controlling her? You just have to keep on doing whatever you feel like until your partner gives you a sign to stop. She doesn’t have to give you permission for everything you do. She only has to say ‘no’, when you do something that is unacceptable for her. Did you get that?
Do whatever you like, until your partner tells you otherwise.
This is crucial when it comes to leading, so let me tell you again: DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO, UNTIL YOUR PARTNER STOPS YOU. DON'T WAIT AND LOOK FOR YOUR PARTNER’S ACCEPTANCE. BE A MAN AND TRUST YOUR OWN DECISIONS. THAT’S WHAT A WOMAN WANT FROM A MAN. This should be good news for you, since this means that you can do anything you want with a woman, anytime you want to, as long as you stop when she wants you to stop. When I’m with a woman, I see her body as my toy. I can play with it any way I want to. Isn't that what you always wanted? Do whatever you want with a woman... I'm telling you that this is exactly what you have to do to please a woman in bed. DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO. JUST FUCKING DO IT!! I telling you that you have to use a woman’s body in any way you wish to please her. To please a woman you have to please yourself. Don't do what I used to do. Don't check in with your partner if the things you’re doing are okay or not. It isn’t necessary. She’ll tell you as soon as she feels uncomfortable. Stopping to see if what you’re doing is okay with your partner is one of those things that really frustrate women. They just want to be taken. They want to be the object of your desires. You don't ask an object for permission, do you? When you masturbate you don't ask your penis for permission…
A woman’s body is an object. That object is of course connected to her consciousness, the “real her”. It's her body you sexually desire, and it's her consciousness you love and respect. Get that? Don't think that a woman’s body is who she is. She is her consciousness, not her ever-changing body. You love and respect her consciousness, and you lust for her body. For instance, if your partner is angry or sad, you still love and respect her, since emotions are "just" ever-changing objects. If your partner gains a few pounds, you still love and respect her, since her body isn’t who she really is. Maybe you don't lust for her body as much anymore, but you still love her. Let's go back to 'commanding' and 'trust'... When I meet a new sexual partner, I want her to know two things about me. First, I want her to know that I always take "control" (command) in any situation. This makes her relaxed, since she never has to come up with things to do. She can follow my lead and let herself be a part of my reality. Whatever happens, she knows I’ll take full responsibility and solve the problem. Second, I want her to know that I’ll always stop when she wants me to. No negative emotions - no questions asked. I’ll just do something else. This also makes her relaxed, since she got nothing to fear. She will never feel any pressure to anything she doesn’t want to do. The result is that she’ll let me do almost anything, even when I do something that’s new to her.
There’s no need for her to stop me long before I do something she might not like. She would rather try it, because she trusts me to be in full control over the situation, and she trusts me to stop immediately when she wants me to. How does my new sexual partner know that I always take charge in any situation, and that I always take no for an answer? Do I tell her? Absolutely not. It's too easy to lie. I have to show her. And how do I show her? I lead. (Duh!) From the first moment we meet I’ll make all the decisions. And when she rejects my lead, I do something else. Soon her fears will melt away, and she can relax and enjoy my company. The fact that I make all the decisions, and my partner makes no decisions, is of course an illusion. Every time my partner doesn’t stop me, it's a choice she makes. She is 100% responsible for herself. Women like this illusion, because they will feel more like an object. They will feel more feminine, and this will lead to arousal. I know I repeat myself a lot, but this has to sink in. YOU HAVE TO OBJECTIFY A WOMAN’S BODY!! Yes, that's right. I'm not trying to be controversial here. It’s nothing controversial about this. You have to objectify a women body simply because a body is an object. This may seem like something negative, but it isn't. In our society (the western world) we have this notion that the body is inferior to the mind or the soul (consciousness). This is of course non-sense.
I find it quite interesting that most modern enlightened people still consider “the flesh” as something negative or evil, while “the spirit” is something good or holy. Few people have any problems objectifying a beautiful flower, but so many will not objectify a beautiful female body. The reason for this probably has to do with a simple misunderstanding: You don't objectify a woman (her consciousness/mind/soul), you objectify her body. It's impossible to objectify “a consciousness”. How could you… it's not an object. This may seem like philosophy and just theoretical, but stay with me here. You have to understand that a woman (and a man) consists of two very different parts, her consciousness and her body. Giving attention to her consciousness (the real her) creates love and intimacy. Giving attention to her body (and thoughts, feelings, life history, dreams etc.) creates sexual attraction. If you’re still under the grip of social conditioning, you may feel shame when you look at a beautiful woman, and you will look away before she "catches" you. This is just sad - both for you and for the woman. Why don't you instead do what women want you to do? Look and enjoy. Celebrate and enjoy the beauty of women. That is what we are supposed to do - it's in our male nature. And I’ll say it once again, so you don't forget it: Remember that you also have to connect with a woman’s consciousness, not only her body. As you should know by now, objectifying a woman’s body creates sexual attraction only. You have to create emotional connection as well…
…if not, you’re just "creepy". Before we move on to the core chapter in this book, I want you to learn what 'domination' means. You have probably heard it in connection to 'submission', and maybe also in connection to BDSM. Domination or to dominate someone is nothing other than commanding/leading. It's the opposite of controlling. It has nothing to do with control or abuse. If you don't respect your partner, you’re not a "dom" - you're a fucking asshole... ...don't be a fucking asshole… Let’s recap: Leading, commanding and dominating are the same things. You do what you feel like doing without asking anyone for permission, not even your partner. You only stop and do something else if your partner tells you to. This will create trust. Asking is also leading, but now you wait for your partner’s response. Don't ask too many questions in the bedroom, it's not necessary. Do whatever you feel like, and take it for granted that your partner will follow your lead. If she doesn’t, it's no big deal. There are a million different things you can do in bed. Be creative and follow your true feelings. They will tell you what to do…---
Chapter 10 Self-Development - The Only Way to Great Sex If your sex life doesn’t change for the better after reading this book, then read this chapter again. Everything we do, every choice and every action we make are manifestations of our beliefs, our knowledge and our ability to be present. It’s easy to get obsessed with what to do. A better strategy is to be obsessed with our beliefs, because they govern everything we do.
Beliefs Everyone has different beliefs. Some beliefs are right, and some are wrong. Most beliefs are either right or wrong. They are just something we are convinced are the truth. Most of our beliefs are inherited from our parents, our friends and the society we live in. We are aware of some of these beliefs, but we’re unaware of most of them. It doesn’t matter where our beliefs come from, and it doesn’t matter whether we know about them - they will still rule us. When it comes to sex, some beliefs are better than others. If you have one or more beliefs that make it impossible to have a great sex life, then you have to change them. It’s especially important to change those beliefs that are just dead wrong, like “I can't attract beautiful women, because I’m too short.”, “Women don’t like sex.” or “I’m “lucky” if my wife want to have sex with me…”
Those beliefs that will affect you the most are those you don’t even know you have. You have to become aware of your beliefs to change them, and I will help you to get started by telling you some of my beliefs regarding women and sex. I have to warn you though, changing beliefs is very, very difficult – and extremely time consuming. That’s the reason why most people don’t change. (Note: Remember that you don’t have to be “most people” if you don’t want to… It’s okay to do difficult things…) For instance, if you’re eighteen years old and believe that you’re not that attractive, then you’ll probably believe this for the rest of your life. And since you have this belief, you’ll see plenty of evidence that this belief is, in fact, the truth. I remember when I was eighteen. Of course I wasn’t attractive to women. Women want men with skills – and I had none. Not in the bedroom, and not in life in general. When I realized that I didn’t have any skills, and when I started to change myself for the better, things didn’t change much with women… I still had that old belief: “I’m not attractive. Women are simply not interested in me.” Although most of my limiting beliefs when it comes to women and sex have changed, I still have to work on some of them – even after 10 years. The difficult thing about changing beliefs is that they’re connected to our feelings. It isn’t enough to learn what’s right and what’s wrong. You have to integrate that knowledge into your feelings. When you manage this integration, then – and only then – you’ll see some real change.
Below is a list of my beliefs. Don’t think of my beliefs as right or wrong. My beliefs change over time, and these are some of my beliefs right now. My beliefs aren’t important to you per say, so don't try to copy them. I only want you to start thinking about your own beliefs. Maybe you have to change some of them. Remember, you may not be aware of your own beliefs, but women you’ll meet are. Women are experts at finding out men’s beliefs. For them, “belief-spotting” is a matter of life and death. Women don't care that much about what you say or what you do, but still, they pay very close attention to what you say and what you do, because it's a reflection of your beliefs. Here are some of my beliefs regarding women and sex (and life in general…): - I believe sex is impossible without love and trust. - I believe anything goes when it comes to sex, as long as all parties are able to make their own decisions. - I believe it's my responsibility to protect myself and my partners against STDs and unwanted pregnancies. - I believe I am responsible for my own actions and feelings. - I believe women are responsible for their actions and feelings. - I believe I have the right to live my life as I want to. - I believe I don’t have to explain or justify my actions and feelings to others. - I believe sex is a game. Normal rules don’t apply. You make up your own rules together with your partner(s).
- I believe most women will do almost anything when it comes to sex. They are just plain dirty. - I believe women’s sex fantasies are as sick and wild as men’s sex fantasies. (On average) - I believe sex is a form of therapy. It’s a way to release our suppressed emotions. - I believe sex is best when it’s taken to the extreme. (Tender lovemaking or hardcore fucking) - I believe a man’s looks, age, social status and wealth have little or nothing to do with sexual attraction. - I believe I own my body, and I can do whatever I want with it. I can even do stupid and dangerous things if I want to. The same goes for women. - I believe it’s a human right to sell sexual services. (If you want to of course…) - I believe women know what’s best for them when it comes to sex. Women don’t need protection against themselves. With one exception: protection against STDs. (Some women let go of their rational mind completely when they get aroused.) - I believe women never do anything they don’t want to do. Women have no problems saying no. - I believe rape is the most despicable thing you can do to a woman. - I believe age difference isn’t a factor when it comes to sex and love. - I believe I have no business interfering with other people’s sex lives. I don’t even have the right to think of, or criticize other people’s sex lives. - I believe I shouldn't have sex if I feel angry or frustrated.
- I believe in gay and lesbian rights. - I believe sex is private. Society and other people have no right to know what‘s going on in the bedroom. (Except when there’s abuse.) - I believe it’s NOT my right to talk about what I have done sexually with a woman. (The woman can talk to her friends if she wants to, but my lips are forever sealed.) - I believe no one knows what sex really is. You do what you feel like it’s never right or wrong. - I believe it’s best for me to be honest about how I live my life. If others don’t approve, then that’s okay. - I believe everyone chooses how to live their life. If you want to be single, married, have one lover or many lovers, it’s all good. - I believe I have the right to end a relationship that doesn't work. The same goes for women. - I believe women are AWESOME! (And sometimes very annoying...) - I believe every act is a selfish act. - I believe selfishness is only a problem if you don’t know you are selfish. - I believe negative or rude behavior is unacceptable. Both from me and from women. - I believe I have the right to tell people if they treat me badly. And I believe I can manage to tell them in a nice way. - I believe in giving before receiving. (Or I believe that giving is a very smart thing to do if you want to receive…) - I believe trust must be earned.
- I believe sex is a manifestation of love. (Even when you’re fucking like animals…) Again, these are the beliefs I have right now. They are not right or wrong, they are just beliefs. Don’t ever take any of your beliefs as the truth. If you do, then you’ll never be able to change them. Try to get in contact with your own beliefs. You might be surprised of what you’ll find. If you have the same beliefs today as you had when you were younger, then you don't live your own life. You are still stuck in the matrix. You have to grow up and live your own life. Women want independent men, not social conditioned boys…
Knowledge Knowledge is in two ways different from beliefs. 1. Knowledge is right or wrong. 2. Knowledge is readily available. You don’t have to know a lot to have sex. Sex is about following your feelings. (I know you are tired of hearing this, but I doubt that you fully understand it yet. It took me years to realize this myself. And it took be even longer to come in contact with my true feelings.) Most of the knowledge in this book isn’t really necessary. If you’re honest about your feelings, you don’t need to know for instance that your girlfriend gets aroused when you touch and kiss her body. Since she is your girlfriend, you want to touch and kiss her, since that’s what gets you aroused. As a result she will get aroused too. This doesn’t mean that the knowledge in this book (and in other books) is useless. When you know the basic “rules” behind sex, you can satisfy women to a degree most men cannot.
If for example your girlfriend has difficulty reaching orgasm, you can help her getting more aroused than she usually gets, by touching and kissing her body longer than she is used to. Instead of touching and kissing her body for 5 minutes, you might do it for 30 minutes. Now you have built up so much sexual tension that she’s almost bursting. In this way, knowledge makes sex fun and interesting. You start to see all the possibilities, and you can strengthen the feelings between you and your partner. You can make your partner feel more arousal, trust and love than she has ever felt before. It isn’t just the basic knowledge about sex that makes sex fun and interesting. This is a list of things that isn’t necessary to know, but things that can make sex more fun, interesting and safe. Useful knowledge about sex: - Different types of female orgasms and how to achieve them - How to teach your partner to deepthroat - How to have anal sex - How to get your partner to squirt - How to eat out your partner - Knowledge about different kinds of condoms and lubes - Knowledge about STDs and how to prevent and treat them - Basic personal hygiene - Vibrators and sex toys - Rope bondage - BDSM - Sex positions
- Body massage - Oil massage - Photography - Etc. Most of these are not explained in this book, since this book only gets into the basic knowledge about sex. And also, this type of knowledge is readily available online and in other books.
Experience The knowledge you get from this book and other books about sex has to sink down into the subconscious level. If you think about how to have sex while you have sex, you're not having sex anymore. To get knowledge down into your subconscious, there’s no substitute for practice. “Hard work” is the best way to get experience, so get to it. With practice you’ll soon start to get a feel for what's working and what's not working. There is, however, one thing you can do to get some “experience” without actually having sex. You can watch porn. For me, it has been my number one learning tool. I think it’s easy to forget that porn is nothing other than sex with a camera in the room. Contrary to common beliefs, there’s a lot of porn that’s realistic and natural. Reading about sex, as you do right now is a much more unnatural way to learning about sex than actually see it with your own eyes. Don't you think a really good movie director like Steven Spielberg has watched more movies than most people? (I’m not talking about porn movies now... :)) He may have gone to "movie director university”, but I
bet he has learn much more by watching and studying other people’s movies. The same goes for authors. Steven King once said, "Read and write four to six hours a day. If you cannot find the time for that, you can't expect to become a good writer." There’s no reason that it’s any different with sex. Do you want to be good at it, then you have to have a lot of sex, and you have to watch a lot of sex. Porn is a great way to get a feel for what women like, and how women behave. It can't replace real life experience, but it helps. Stay away from porn where feelings aren’t real. If the models fake their feelings and emotions, then there’s nothing to learn. Just as the best actors in Hollywood movies don’t really act – they play of their real emotions, good porn models don’t put on a show, they have sex – real sex – in front of the camera. The story line in a porn movie (and in a regular movie) isn’t important. It’s the feelings and emotions of the models (actors) that make a good movie. The story can be a fantasy, but the feelings have to be real. Japanese porn and high quality BDSM porn are good places to start. Don't only watch porn for the entertainment value, though. Start noticing how women react and behave in different circumstances, and focus on feelings and emotions. Some porn sites have interviews with the models before and after the shoot. Listen carefully and learn. You will start to notice that many women say similar things, like "I trust you guys, so I feel I can just let go." or "I can easily get orgasms when I masturbate, but when I'm in bondage, it's much more intense."
Don’t only look at the women in porn. Pay attention to the guys too. It’s a lot to learn from their behavior. Try to look at how the women react to different kinds of behavior from the guys. Soon you’ll just “know” how women react in certain situations – it has become second nature to you. Don't stop learning after you’ve finished this book. Continue to develop your skills. Your partner(s) will love you for it.
Presence Presence is what you have when you let go of your thinking mind. As soon as you stop thinking, you are present. Presence is part of your masculinity - it’s your consciousness. It's the root of creativity. If you live most of your life inside your own head, you probably have difficulty relating to women. There are several reasons for this: Without presence, you won’t be able to create emotional connection, since emotional connection is your presence (your consciousness) connected to your partner’s presence. You will not be able to create sexual attraction, since sexual attraction is your presence connected to your partner’s "objects", such as her looks, feelings and thoughts. You will certainly not be able to lead, since you have to be present in each of the 3 steps of leading. You have to feel what you want to do (step 1). You have to feel what your intuition is telling you (step 2). And you have to be present to observe your partner’s response (step 3). If you’re now thinking: how do I stop thinking? Well, then you have a problem. You can't find a way out of thinking, by thinking about it. Believe me, I have tried. My whole life I’ve been an obsessive thinker. (No wonder women didn't want me.)
If being present is a challenge for you as well, then reading this book is not enough. You need more than knowledge. Presence is something you have to practice, it’s something you do, it’s not something you have. You have to condition yourself to let go of your rational mind. You have to figure this out on your own. I know that’s terrible advice, but I haven’t found the magic cure myself. The only advice I can give is to mention a couple of things I do myself to be more present. The first and most important thing I do to be more in the present moment, is to enjoy my partner. For instance, when I give my partner an oil massage, I don't focus that much on how to give a good massage. Instead, I focus on my own enjoyment. I feel how soft and smooth her skin is under my hands, and I enjoy her wonderful curves. This takes me out of my own head, so sex becomes more about enjoyment and less about achieving something. When you start to enjoy your partner, she will also enjoy it more, since she can feel your presence. The second thing I do to become more present, is meditation. When you understand how to meditate, you have an amazing tool to use against obsessive thinking. A little meditation every day conditions you to be present. The third thing I do to get more focus, is doing things that forces me to be present. Watching movies, listen to music, talking to people, being with women, having sex. For example, if I'm home waiting for my date, I may watch a movie. This takes me out of my own head. When my date arrives, I'm more focused on external things, and I can use that focus on my date. Instead of starting to think when I open the front door, I focus on her. I see what she’s wearing, and how she’s behaving.
This instantly creates sexual attraction and emotional connection. I'm also more aware of my feelings, which makes me more creative. I look at my beautiful date, and there are a hundred different things I would like to do with her. I just pick one, and enjoy myself. You must find out what's working for you. If you’re an obsessive thinker, like me, then this is probably your biggest sticking point with women. Practice every day, it will get better…
Chapter 11 How to Lead a Woman, Part 3 - ‘No’ Doesn’t Always Mean Stop In the first two parts of ‘how to lead a Woman’, you learned the reasons for leading, the basics of leading, and what not to do when your partner says 'no'. In this part we’ll focus on what to do when your partner says 'no'. The general rule is to take no for an answer, and then lead in another direction. This is only partly true. If you do this every time your partner rejects your lead, you’ll have the most boring sex life. And your partner will think so too. In this chapter you’ll learn that 'no' doesn't always mean stop. This sounds like a paradox. 'No means no', and 'no doesn’t mean stop'. What’s going on? Let’s look at a simple example. You offer a friend some chocolate. He says, "No thanks, I don't eat chocolate. I haven’t tried it, but it looks disgusting." Now, will you take no for an answer here? You know your friend will probably like the taste of chocolate if he just gives it a try. Of course, you wouldn’t shove it down his throat, and you wouldn’t get angry or disappointed if he didn’t try. You would just convince him to take a bite.
This is what we have to do with women. Sometimes you do know better than your partner. You just have to convince her to try. But not by arguing, and not by getting emotional. There’s a better way... First we have to look at a profound concept from psychology. I call it ‘the like/dislike concept'.
The Like/Dislike Concept Our chocolate hating friend is an example of this concept:
You usually don't like what you haven't tried. Did you get that? It makes no logical sense, but that's just how it is. If you try something new, you may like it (or not), but you won't try it, since you have convinced yourself that you don't like it. The interesting thing here is that actions come before feelings - not the other way around. You have to do first - then you know for sure what you'll feel. When it comes to sex, ‘the like/dislike concept’ is even stranger. If you convince your partner to try something new, it's very likely she’ll actually start to like it.
The more she does it, the more she’ll like it. It seems like everything is okay when it comes to sex. Most women will learn to like almost anything, as long as they get used to it. I don't know the reason for this, but I don't really care. Getting innocent, inexperienced women to do (and like) sick and dirty things is alright with me. ‘The like/dislike concept’ works with fear as well:
You usually fear the things you haven’t tried. Here, feelings (fear) come before actions. When you do something once, the fear will be reduced. Do it several times, and the fear will disappear. Do it repeatedly, and you’ll probably start to like it. ‘The like/dislike concept’ even has another aspect to it:
What you do well, you’ll probably love. If a woman for instance thinks she’s a good stripper, then she’ll love to strip for you. If she knows how to suck a cock (or thinks that she knows), she’ll love to suck cock. Here’s the like/dislike concept summed up: Inexperience -> Fear Try it once -> Less fear Try it several times -> No fear Try it even more -> Start to like it Experience/Know-how -> Love to do it You can probably see how ‘the like/dislike concept’ will make the most innocent girl become the dirtiest whore. There’s only one problem we have to solve first: How to convince a woman to try something she doesn’t want to try. To solve this problem, you have to learn another important concept. I call it ‘the do-it-again concept’.
The Do-It-Again Concept Let’s jump right into an example: You have sex with a woman for the first time. You don't know what she likes and what types of experiences she has. You have to lead to find out the things that are acceptable for her. (Since you are a dirty bastard) you feel like putting a finger inside her ass. And since you don't know her that well yet, you just have to see what’s going to happen. Of course, you have to go slow, so you can observe her response. You lick your thumb, and lay it gently on her anus. Immediately, she moves her body away from you, and looks at you with a surprised expression on her face. You don't know why she’s sending you a signal to stop. The reason may be: 1. Anal sex is new for her. 2. She has bad experiences with anal sex. 3. She fears she isn’t clean. 4. She doesn’t know if you know how to have anal sex. 5. She thinks anal sex is painful. 6. She doesn’t trust you enough. (She doesn’t know if you take no for an answer.) 7. She doesn’t want to have anal sex right now. There may be many other reasons such as she isn’t aroused enough or she doesn’t feel enough intimacy. But let’s make the example as simple as possible. Let’s pretend one of these seven reasons is correct.
Look at the seven reasons again. Only one stands out. Which one? And why? I mean it, look again and find out for yourself before you read the answer. Do you see it? Reason 7 stands out. That's the only reason where fear isn’t a factor. The other ones are created by fear. No. 7 is not. Look again and see for yourself. Maybe she loves anal sex, but right now she doesn’t want to do it. That’s okay, it's up to her. You can try again later, or maybe the next time you have sex. Right now, you have to stop what you’re doing, without arguing and without reacting emotionally. Just lead in another direction. Do something else. If the reason is 1-6, then you can continue. She feels fear - that's it. No big deal. Fear is “just” an emotion, and you only have to reduce her fear. When the fear is reduced or gone, she’ll likely try. (In Chapter 12 I’ll give you several fear-reducing persuasion techniques you can use in the bedroom.) It’s easy to believe that you first have to find out the reason for her 'no'. The problem is, you can't know for sure. And you don't have to know. Here is where ‘the do-it-again concept’ comes in. What I'm going to tell you now, can NOT be misunderstood. It's imperative that you know precisely what ‘the do-it-again concept’ is. If you do this wrong, you'll probably end up in jail (and rightly so). If you do this right, your sex life will never be the same again. Sound scary...?
It should. Learn it, and do this right. Here it is. Pay attention, please. Every time you get a 'no', just continue. Do it again. Your partner’s next response is much more important. If her next 'no' is more assertive, then stop and do something else. If her next 'no' isn't more assertive, then go on and do it again. You can try again and again as many times as you like. Just stop if her signals get more assertive. This means you can continue to lead in the same direction, no matter how many times your partner sends you a signal to stop. If her signal becomes clearer or more assertive, then you have to stop. If you don’t stop, then it's no longer sex - it's rape. This sounds like a scary and difficult balancing act, but, in real life, it isn't. As long as you’re present, you won’t misunderstand your partner’s signals. Women are excellent communicators. They only send out vague (or mixed) signals when they want to be vague. This means that when a woman really wants you to stop, she’ll definitely send you a clear signal to stop. Let’s look at an example. Your partner is standing on her knees in front of you. You're about to come, and you feel like shooting your load right in her face. You start jerking yourself off, and when your partner realizes what you’re about to do, she tilts her head back, giving you a signal to not come in her face.
You don't know her reason for doing this. It may be fear, it may be that she doesn’t like cum in her face (I don’t blame her…), or it may be that this is unacceptable for her right now, for whatever reason. If the reason is fear or she doesn’t like cum in her face, then ‘the like/dislike concept’ is at play. Actions come before feelings. She has to try it first, and then she’ll know whether she likes it. If the reason is: this is unacceptable for her right now. Well, then you simply can't do it. Do something else. Shoot your load in her mouth or on her body instead, if that’s acceptable to her. So what do you do? You can't know her reason for tilting her head back. You have to use ‘the do-it-again concept’, then you’ll find out. You may say something like this, "Don't lean your head back. I want to come in your face." She follows you command, but two seconds later she moves her head to the side, trying to avoid your load. This is another signal she’s sending you. Since this signal isn't any more assertive than the first one, you can continue. You now physically turn her head back using your left hand, while you say firmly, "Take it all right in your face!!" You may even forcefully grab her neck with your left hand, holding her head in place while you shoot your load. If your partner had assertively said "No", or given you any other signal to stop in an assertive way (with words or with body language), then stop what you’re doing immediately. And remember, no frustration, no disappointment, no questions asked. You don't control your partner, you lead her. As always, women don't do anything they don't want to do. If you're about to do something that’s unacceptable for your partner, you’ll definitely know. It's not your job to decide if your partner should for
instance "take your load in her face". It's her choice to stop you if she wants to – not yours. Are you with me here? You shouldn’t even be thinking about what your partner wants to do or what she doesn’t want to do, because you can't know. You only know what you want to do. And also, since you can't ask her (women hate that), you have to just do it. Trust your partner to stop you when you do something she doesn’t like. And trust yourself to stop whatever you’re doing the moment your partner assertively tells you to stop. If you only have sex with women you love and respect, you’ll never do anything against their will anyway. Why would you? You love them. Side note: Everyone has bad days, and you may feel irritated or frustrated at times. Never have sex when you feel this way. Only have sex when you’re in full control of yourself. To recap the do-it-again concept: Do whatever you like, and don't stop even when your partner gives you signals to stop. Only stop if your partner’s signals get more assertive. STOP IMMEDIATELY!! Do something else. Remember that when you lead, you lead in small steps, and you lead in the present moment. For instance, if you want to have anal sex with your girlfriend, you don't just shove your penis inside of her, especially if she’s new to anal sex. You take it slow, and go through all the small steps. Maybe it will take weeks before she’s ready (mentally and physically) to go all the way.
Going through all the small steps gives your girlfriend plenty of time to stop you when she has reached her limit. You can't lead in huge steps when you use ‘the do-it-again concept’. You have to stay present and attentive, or else you won't notice your partner’s signals. Note: Never anticipate your partner’s response. This will create hesitation, and she'll think you ask her for permission. Instead, be present and lead. (Meaning: Do whatever you like, until your partner assertively sends you a signal to stop.) Now I hope you understand that there isn't any contradiction between 'no means no' and 'no doesn’t always mean stop'. You only stop when your partner gives you an assertive signal to stop. If she doesn’t, then do whatever you want with her - because that's what she wants you to do. She wants you to let her become the object you use to please yourself. She wants to submit to your dominance. Understand that men are “takers” and women are “givers”. Take what’s rightfully yours, and let your partner give herself to you. If you do this right, your partner will gladly give her body to you - every time you claim it… …and remember to claim it - because a woman will never give her body to a man who doesn’t assertively go for what he wants.
You are a man. Inside of you there’s power, aggression, and a will to “kill”. Your woman is your willing prey. She is waiting for you to claim her.
Chapter 12 The Art of Persuasion (18 Persuasion Techniques for the Bedroom) Finally we’re here. I'm now going to tell you how you can convince women to say 'yes' to everything you want to do. Hopefully you know the answer already: This whole book is about persuasion. If you use the things you’ve learned in this book, your partner(s) will say 'yes' to almost everything you suggest. When a woman says 'yes' or 'no' to your lead, it's a gut reaction. She uses her intuition, and the decision she makes is already made. When a woman feels love, respect, intimacy, trust and arousal, then why would she say ‘no’? Would you? Let's say you’re in bed with your girlfriend, and she wants to do something really hot and dirty. Right now, you feel a deep love for her, you trust her, and you feel horny as hell. Would you say 'no'? Everything you have done from the second you met her, up to this very moment, will dictate her decision. There’s no difference between "pick-up", dating, sex and the relationship you’re in. It's all part of the same whole. You can't have sex outside of a relationship, even when it's a short relationship like a onenight stand. Every time you take the lead, your partner will accept or reject depending on everything that has happened up to this point.
Focus on the basics: Create sexual attraction, create emotional connection, create trust, follow your feelings, and be honest with yourself. There’s no magical formula - you have to work for it. Take your time and do the job. The reward will be immense. You’ll soon find yourself in these incredible relationships, filled with love, intimacy, trust and great sex. And best of all, it's so easy. Just follow your heart and lead. That's the real art of persuasion.
18 Persuasion Techniques Now that you understand what the real art of persuasion is all about, we can look at some persuasion techniques. I'm not against using techniques and routines - I use them frequently. Most of these persuasion techniques have to do with reducing your partner’s fears:
1. Leading This is the most powerful persuasion techniques of them all. In fact, all the other persuasion techniques are done by leading. Without you taking charge, nothing will ever happen.
2. Repetition Repetition is something you will use every time you have sex. You repeat what you’re saying or doing twice or several times, until your partner accepts. If your partner doesn’t want to do it, then just move on to something else. Example:
You say casually, "Spread your legs, please!" Your partner doesn’t spread her legs, and you repeat once more. Again you say casually, "Spread your legs!" The second time you say this, it's very likely she’ll follow your lead. But you may have to repeat several times before she accepts. Don’t be afraid to do this, even if it feels a little weird. She may resist at first, because she wants to build sexual tension. Or she may resist because she feels some fear and uncertainty. Fear may come from: She doesn’t trust you yet. She’s afraid you’re going to do something she doesn’t want later. (Maybe penetrating her when she’s still dry.) She’s not sure if you know what you’re doing. She’s afraid she isn’t clean. A million other reasons. You usually don't know her reason for resisting, and you don't have to know. Every time you repeat (without arguing and without emotions) you'll create trust - and trust is a powerful remedy for fear. By the way, if you start to think about the reasons for your partner’s resistance, you’ll lose your presence. STAY OUTSIDE OF YOUR OWN HEAD!
3. Motivation Sometimes motivation is what your partner needs. You can say things like, "You can do it!", "Come on, baby!" or "I know you can!" The sound of your voice is important here. Be positive and assertive.
Another way to motivate a woman is to use reverse psychology. Such as, "You're such a pussy!" or "You can't do it, I know you can't!" Again, the sound of your voice is important. Make it fun - you're teasing her.
4. Compliments (Positive reinforcement) This is a huge one!! This is also a motivation technique, but it’s a motivation technique you use after your partner has done what you wanted her to do. By complimenting her, you’ll motivate her to do it again, or to do it even better. When your partner does something that’s a little difficult or scary, then give her praise. Don't wait until she does it exactly right, though. As soon as she just tries to do what you want her to do, give her a compliment. Don't be shy with your compliments either. Let her know how happy you are for trying. Your tone of voice is important – be enthusiastic. Example: You wife gives you a blowjob. You want her to go deeper, and you say, "A little deeper, please! ... a little deeper ... you can do it, I know you can." As soon as she tries, give her praise. Maybe it's impossible for her to do it, but compliment her never the less. You can say something like, "... oh yes, baby, that’s it ... OH MY GOD, THAT FEELS SO GOOD!!" The more praise you give your wife, the harder she’ll try. The next time she gives you a blowjob, she’ll remember your compliments, and she’ll try to please you even harder.
Women love to please. In fact, they need to please. But they have to know that they’re actually pleasing. It’s not uncommon for a woman to hold back – even when she desperately wants to please you – just because she isn’t sure if you like whatever she is doing. By giving tons of compliments - especially enthusiastic compliments – you give your partner the incentive to please you. She can’t help herself. She has a burning desire to please you. With your compliments, you’re throwing fuel on that burning desire. And by the way, when having sex, moaning is your main way of using positive reinforcement. Your moaning will tell your partner when she’s doing it right.
5. Being patient Give your partner time to get used to your suggestion. This may be something new for her. Just be patient and wait. Your patience will build both trust and love. It's unlikely your partner will resist you when she feels both trust and love. And also, patience is a part of your masculinity, and it will create sexual attraction. Sometimes patience is more effective than repetition. When repetition doesn’t work, then play it cool for a while and try again later… Patience is a powerful persuasion technique.
6. Let it become her fantasy This is basically the same as being patient. She may need several days or weeks to get use to your suggestion. Maybe she needs some alone time to fantasize about it. This is a way for her to test it out in her head before she tries it out with you.
7. Being calm and assertive This one you’ll be using every time you have sex. You’ll be using calm-assertiveness together with repetition. This time you change your voice or your body language. Use more assertiveness. Let’s use the same example as before... First you say calmly and casually, "Open your legs!" Then you say calmly and assertively, "OPEN YOUR LEGS!" The combination of being calm and assertive is very powerful. You’re showing your partner that you know precisely what you’re doing - that's why you are so calm and assertive. Since you’re calm, she knows there’s nothing to fear. She knows she can stop you at any time, without any negative reactions from you. You don't have to talk to use calm assertiveness. It works with your actions too. Just use your body language to show your partner that you mean business. These are the signals you want to send: ‘I'm in charge here, and I know exactly what I'm doing. You don't have to fear anything. I take full responsibility, both for myself and for you.’ Get it? It's all about the signals you're sending her.
8. Use aggression This is the same as the previous one - you only use more assertiveness. Aggression is similar to anger, but it’s also the opposite of anger. With anger you’ve lost control over yourself. When you use aggression, you’re in full control over your decisions.
You have to be completely calm when you use aggression. There can be no anger or frustration in your voice. And more importantly, you can't feel any anger or frustration. If you do, then stop having sex right away, because you’re no longer in control. Example: You’re violently deepthroating your wife. You’re holding her head between your hands, fucking her face hard and forcefully. From the outside, it seems like you don't care about your wife. But she knows that you love and respect her, and she trusts you to stop whenever she wants to. If she wasn’t sure of this, she would have stopped you long ago. Why is this a persuasion technique? Women get turned on by assertiveness and aggression. And when a woman is highly aroused, then she’ll likely go along with whatever you want to do.
9. "Do you trust me?" This is a rhetorical question you can use when you're about to do something new and “scary”. The question itself doesn’t create trust, but it gives your partner some time to realize that you’ve never broken her trust in the past - and it's unlikely you’ll start now. With this question, you’re also sending her a signal that you're about to do something she hasn't tried before. She doesn’t have to worry, since you’re in full control over the situation. When you say, "Do you trust me?" be calm, look your partner right in the eyes and give her time to answer. If she doesn’t answer, then ask her again. (Repetition, remember...)
(If she makes a joke about it – by laughing and saying ‘no’ - then she’s sending you mixed signals. Don’t laugh yourself, but instead ask her again in a serious tone of voice. Several times if you have to. She just feels some fear – that’s why she’s sending you mixed signals.)
10. "Do it for me!" Women love to please, and they’ll look for opportunities to do so. Make it easy for your partner to please you by telling her directly. When you say, "Do it for me!", "Come for me!", "Give it to me!" or "Swallow my cum for me!" then you give your partner an opportunity to please you.
11. "I want..." or “I want you to…” This is similar to the previous one - you give your partner the chance to please you. Every time you use the two magical words 'I want', you’re making things easy for your partner. She doesn’t have to find out for herself what you want and need, since you’re telling her directly. Examples: "I want you to give me a massage." "I want you to come for me." "I want you to get naked." "I want you to take care of me, I feel a little down today." "I want to make love to you." “I want my cock deep down your throat.” Saying “I want” is also persuasive for another reason. You’re being honest with your own feelings. You’re not trying to manipulate your partner. Instead you just tell her whatever you feel and need.
It's difficult to argue with feelings. In fact, it's impossible to argue with feelings. Telling your partner directly what you feel and how she can help you will make it simple for her. If she loves you, then there’s no reason for her to not to give you what you want and need. Being honest with your feelings and needs is something every woman want from a man. Isn't it amazing? You can just tell a woman what you feel and need, and she’ll not only do it for you, she’ll love and respect you for being honest.
12. "I know." One of the most important things I have learned in my life is that emotions and feelings exist for one reason and for one reason only - to get attention. If your partner feels pain, fear or sadness, then let her know that you know. If for instance she’s crying, then hold her and say, "I know *that you are sad]". When you have sex, and your partner is worried, or maybe she feels some pain, then say, "I know." Now she knows that you know. She knows you’ll take the right action to make her situation better. Since she knows you will remedy the situation, she has nothing to fear, and she won't stop you. Here are two other words that work just as well: "I understand." Make sure you do understand. You can't fake this.
13. Freeze the situation This one is a combination of being calm, assertive and patient.
When you do something that’s a surprise for your partner, she may move away from you, or she may try to stop you. If this is something you don't want her to do, then immediately take control over the situation. You do the same thing that cops do with criminals, except you don't say "FREEZE!! (mother fucker)". That would be weird. You may say loudly and assertively, "WAIT!", "STAY STILL!" or "DON'T MOVE!" This will make her "freeze", and she’ll instantly calm down. The signals you’re sending are: ‘It's alright. I know you’re a little surprised right now. I'll give you a couple of seconds to calm down and realize that I have never broken your trust in the past, and you know I won't do it now. This may be new for you, but I done this many times, and I know what I'm doing. Just calm down and trust me.’ It's amazing how you can "say" all this with just one or two words.
14. “Don’t stop me.” This one is similar to the previous one, and it’s very effective. At the first sign of resistance, you say calmly, “Don’t stop me.” Then you continue whatever you were doing. Since this command is quite assertive in itself, I usually use a more casual tone of voice. If fact, saying, “Don’t stop me” with a low, calm and casual tone of voice is very powerful and dominant. Remember that women don’t do anything they don’t want to do. If your partner really wants you to stop, she will let you know. As with most of these persuasion techniques, they work best in combination. Here’s an example:
“Don’t stop me, just stand still. It’s okay, I know *that you are scared+… That’s my good girl!”
15. Knowledge and experience This is a big one! Sometimes you want your partner to take charge and lead. As you now know, this is scary for most women. One common reason for this is that women don't know what to do, and how to do it. They lack knowledge and experience. You have to teach your partner how to do it. Example: You have sex with a young and inexperienced woman. You want her to give you a blowjob, but she refuses. No matter which persuasion technique you use, she won't do it. What you have to realize is that for inexperienced women, the number one reason for not blowing a guy is fear of doing something wrong. When a woman gives a blowjob, she has to use her creative masculine side. She has to lead. Without any knowledge and experience, she doesn’t know how to do it. Therefore, she will likely decline your offer rather than risking doing something wrong or embarrassing. What do you do? You need to teach her. Sometimes you can explain things before she does it, but this isn’t the best way to teach your partner. The best way to teach your partner is to use the next persuasion technique, 'leading in detail'. We’ll come back to this example after you have learned 'leading in detail'.
16. Leading in detail This technique is extremely effective for both reducing fear, and for teaching your partner how to do things. It's best explained with an example. Example 1: You and your girlfriend come home after a romantic dinner. You sit down in a chair and start watching your girl. She notices how you watch her, and it excites her. Casually, you say, "Strip for me!" Surprised, she answers, "What?", as if she didn't hear you. You repeat in the same casual tone of voice, "Strip for me!" She thinks about it for a couple of seconds, then she laughs and declines your offer. (Mixed signals) What’s going on here? Clearly she likes being watched. Why won't she follow your lead? You’re telling her to use her creative masculine side. You’re telling her that for the next few minutes, she has to lead herself. This will make her nervous, especially if she hasn't stripped before. She doesn’t know how to do it. Here, you have to lead her through it. You have to lead in detail. You might say something like this: "Turn on the stereo, please ... there’s a cd already in it. Just push 'play' ... now, dance for me ... come on! You can do it … move your body ... there you go, that’s it ... you're SO HOT! ... come closer, baby ... don't be shy ... turn around for me, let me see what you got ... shake it for me ... oh yes, that’s PERFECT ... slowly unbutton your shirt ... That’s it, take your time … be sexy for me ..."
This removes some of the pressure for her to be creative. The next time she’s in as similar situation, she’ll know what to do. Maybe you don't have to lead the next time around. Side note: Notice how I use several persuasion techniques in sequence. Look again and see how many I use. Example 2: Now we can go back to the young and inexperienced woman from the previous example. Since she’s a woman and not a man, you can take it for granted that she wants to blow your cock. She just doesn’t know how to do it. She would probably be very disappointed if you stopped and did something else. She's waiting for you to make her do it - not by forcing her - but by leading her. Take charge of the situation and lead. Tell her in detail what to do. This will remove her fears of doing something wrong. If she does something wrong, then it's your fault - you made her do it. You may say, "Do you want to know how I like to be blown? (Rhetorical). I'll show you ... start licking my shaft gently ... right there … that's it ... make your tongue wet ... oh yes, that's better ..." I don't know how you like to be blown. You have to fill in the rest yourself… This last sentence isn’t supposed to be funny. You really have to know how you want things. If you don’t know, how can your partner know? And of course, if you don't know, how can you lead...?
17. Have fun! Laughter is a great remedy for fear.
It's especially useful when something goes wrong or something embarrassing happens. Just start laughing about it. It doesn’t matter if you did something stupid, or she did. It's no big deal. You’re having sex - it's supposed to be fun. Making your partner laugh is also an effective way to arouse her. It's not that women are attracted to funny men. You’re filling her with emotions, which make her more feminine, thus creating sexual tension.
18. Right attitude (Expect a positive outcome) I have saved be most important persuasion technique until the end. This one you have to use every time you lead. The first thing a woman will do when you lead is to see if you have convinced yourself. If you haven’t, then she’ll reject your lead. It doesn’t matter what you say or do. It may be something completely innocent, like "Do you want to come home with me?", or something more out there like "Let me taste your wet pussy." If what you say or do is normal for you, then it will, in most cases, be normal for your partner as well. Let me repeat that, this is crucial:
If what you say or do is normal for you, then it will, in most cases, be normal for your partner as well. It doesn’t matter if it's something completely new for your partner, or something that sounds a bit out of the ordinary. She will look to you, and to your feeling. If you feel comfortable, then she will feel comfortable as well. Example 1: You’re on a first date with this amazing girl. She’s sweet, kind and honest. Just the type of woman you like. There’s nothing you want more than asking her to come home with you.
Since you’re an honest man, you don't suppress your own feelings. You accept that you’re sexually attracted to your date, and you tell her what you feel like doing. You say, "Do you want to come home with me?" (This is just an example. In real life it’s usually better to lead without asking questions.) Your date will base her answer on what you feel, not on your words. It's all about what you feel and how you behave when you ask her. It's about the signals you’re sending her. When you open your mouth to speak, look straight into her eyes, and ask her without hesitation. There’s no reason for you to be nervous. You follow your natural feelings. Sexual attraction and sex are as natural as sleep. If you aren’t nervous about going to sleep, then why should you be nervous about asking an attractive woman home with you? Side note: If you’re now thinking: “But I am nervous ... “, then go back to chapter 10: Self Development. You have to change your beliefs. If you have the right beliefs about yourself and women, then you wouldn’t be nervous. Your date will of course take your question as a huge compliment. An attractive man is interested in her. But she’ll probably not give you an answer right away. She wants to know if this is natural for you. She might look down at the floor. She might start laughing nervously. She might say, "Really?" (All of these are mixed signals.) Whatever she’s doing, you have to keep on looking straight at her, and wait. There’s nothing more for you to do here. You’ve already asked her your question, and you’re patiently waiting for her response. You might start
to smile a little, because it's funny that she can't make up her mind. But never the less, you have to wait. Remember the basics. You’ve asked her a question, and you have to wait for her response. She might say, "Maybe." or "I don't know", but those aren’t real answers. So you wait… Don't let her get away with not answering. Maybe you have to say halfjokingly, "I believe I asked you a question.", or "I'm still waiting." But still, you have to wait for her answer. Her answer will be based on the signals you’re sending her. These signals come directly from your beliefs, and from your ability to be present. These are the signals you want to send her: 'I'm a man, and I'm not afraid of my emotions. When I meet an amazing woman, and when I feel aroused by her, I feel proud, and I don't hide it. I want you to come home with me, because I believe we’ll have a nice time together. If you accept, I’ll take care of you and treat you great. If you reject, then I'm thankful for this date. Hopefully we’ll meet in the future.' You can't say this with words. It's too easy to lie with your words. Your beliefs on the other hand are at the core of who you are - you can't fake them. When she’s letting you wait for her answer, she’s testing these beliefs. Don't think that she’s testing you consciously, she isn't. She really is uncertain of what she’s going to do. But as she’s trying to answer your question, her subconscious is picking up on your subtle signals. Her subconscious (her genes) is testing your beliefs. (Do you see how important it is to challenge your beliefs? Learning to seduce (pick-up) women and learning to please women in bed, all
comes down to how much time you use to change yourself to a better person. Self-development is everything.) As you’re sitting there waiting patiently (without being emotionally reactive), you’re also creating sexual attraction, emotional connection and trust. Every woman you’ll ever meet will look for a man who can create sexual attraction, emotional connection and trust. Most men can't create these three vital factors - and your date knows it. There’s no way she’s going to let you get away. Example 2: This next example is similar to the previous one, with one exception: you don't ask, you command. When you ask, you have to wait for a response. When you command, you don't wait, you just do it, or you use ‘the do it again concept’ until she accepts. If your partner really doesn’t want to, then she will stop you. Your date decides to come home with you. After some small talk you start kissing. Before you know it you’re both half naked in bed making out. Half-jokingly, you say, "Are your panties wet?" She laughs, and you continue making out. 20 seconds later you say, "Still not wet? ... Let me know when they are". She asks, "Why?” You just smile, then you continue making out… After a couple of minutes she stops, and with a suppressed smile on her face she says, "I think my panties are wet now..."
You say: "Good! ... Show me! ... Put a finger between your legs, and bring it back to my mouth ... I want to taste you ... Come on!! ... Let me taste your wet pussy ... put your right hand under your panties and make your middle finger wet ... Come on!! ... You can do it!! ... That’s it ... bring your finger to my mouth ... let me taste ... that’s it ... Oh yes!! That's delicious ... Thank you so much ... Now, please give me some more..." In this example you don't wait for her response. You expect a positive outcome, and you use one persuasion technique after another. The signals you’re sending her are: 'This is normal for me. I do this all the time and I'm not ashamed of it. I just follow my feelings. You make me so incredibly horny, and I want to enjoy you to the fullest.' How can any woman resist that...?
Appendix 1 Social Status In chapter 2, you learned that social status is one of four factors women look for when they choose men. It isn't a factor in the bedroom, but it’s an essential factor when it comes to both seduction and relationships. Bear in mind that it isn’t your social status that’s important - it’s all about women’s social status. Women want higher social status – they are obsessed with it - and you can help them. The easiest way to do that is to raise your own social status. In this appendix we’ll look at how you can raise your own social status in a time and cost effective way. Now, let's start at the beginning. What is social status? It's difficult to define social status, yet everyone has a pretty good idea of what it is. It seems there are so many factors determining your social status. Here are some of them: - Money - Looks - Clothes - Personal hygiene - Possessions
- Skin color - The social status of your friends - The social status of your family - How many friends you have To clear up the confusion, it's best to go back to the origin of social status – the Stone Age. The person with the highest social status in a Stone Age huntergatherer society was of course the leader of the group, the chief. As I explained earlier in this book, a woman would be wise to get together with the chief or his closes relatives. She and her children’s future would be safe. It’s quite clear that you can’t become a tribal chief today. So, how do you raise your social status in our modern society? As I see it, there are two ways to raise your social status: 1. Do it directly - Becoming a celebrity 2. Cheat - Use status symbols Since becoming a celebrity is really difficult and would probably take a lot of time, let's instead focus on status symbols.
Social Status and Status Symbols Cheating and using status symbols to "impress" women seems so wrong. But stay with me. It's not as bad as it sounds. A status symbol is something you have which indicates your social status. In the Stone Age, nice clothes were an important status symbol. The chief and his closes relatives had the best clothes, and Stone Age
women would therefore assume (instinctively) that a man with nice clothes had high social status. Guess what...? Women haven’t changed. Even today, women “feel” instinctively that a man with nice clothes has high social status – even when there isn’t any connection between clothes and social status. And the great thing is that today, almost anyone can afford nice clothes. That's why I call it cheating. By wearing nice clothes you’re activating deep-seated female instincts. It doesn’t matter that your clothes are cheap - as long as your clothes are nice looking they will give the impression of high social status. Let's cheat some more... In the Stone Age, the chief had better personal hygiene than the average Joe. Therefore, a Stone Age woman connected good personal hygiene with high social status. Since this connection between personal hygiene and social status is instinctive, it's valid today as well. I bet you can afford going out right now and buy a nail clipper, a nail file, deodorant, shampoo and soap. And you probably have money left to visit the hairdresser on your way home. Again, you’ve cheated. Well done. It quite amazing that not every guy out there takes advantage of these cheap and effective ways to raise your social status. If you want to, you can raise your social status within hours. Nice clothes and good personal hygiene are the only two status symbols I use. They work wonders.
By the way, I never buy expensive clothes. It's not in women’s genes to distinguish expensive designer clothes from nice looking cheap clothes so why waste money. You can buy expensive clothes if you want to, but do it for yourself. Don't do it to impress anyone - because you won't.
What about other status symbols? Cars, money, apartment, a PhD diploma on the wall, etc. Well, the thing is, they didn't have these status symbols in the Stone Age. They’re part of our culture – and not a part of our genes. This doesn’t mean that they’re worthless. Evolutionary biologists believe that women can connect social status with what’s in vogue right now, such as a BMW or a PhD. And of course, wearing clothes that were in fashion in the 80's will probably not help you. For me, the most important reason why I don't focus on the status symbols mentioned above, is because they’re either expensive, or time consuming. And also, women usually can't see them. Money, an expensive car and a college degree are invisible in a bar or other places you usually meet women. Clothes and personal hygiene on the other hand, are visible anywhere. So that's what I stick to. Cars, possessions, a good education, and big biceps are all great. But do that for you. Don't do it to impress women. It's a waste of time and money. I mentioned earlier that social status isn't a factor in the bedroom. There’s an obvious exception here - personal hygiene. Women want clean and well groomed men – not only to show off to friends and family – but in bed as well.
Appendix 2 How to Lead a Woman, Part 4 – Patience Another part of ‘How to Lead a Woman’… Hopefully you now understand the importance of leading. Making decisions (leading) is crucial for seduction, foreplay and sex. It’s especially important for creating sexual attraction, since women are genetically programmed to get turned on when a man takes action. But knowing when to not lead is as important as making an assertive move. This may come as a surprise to you, but choosing to wait can be as arousing to women as choosing to make a move. And often it’s necessary to use your patience to get your partner in the mood for sex. Some women don’t get turned on before you’ve shown your patience. Let’s look at why patience is a turn on for women.
Patience, Masculinity and the Stone Age Hunter Patience can easily be mistaken for a feminine trait. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Patience is at the heart of masculinity. In chapter 4, I divided masculinity into two parts – an active and passive part. Patience belongs to both of these parts. In this appendix we’ll focus on the active part of masculinity – decision making (leading).
When talking about decision making, it’s easy to forget that patience is as important as assertiveness. For a Stone Age hunter it was as important to know when to make a move as to know when to wait for a better opportunity. A Stone Age hunter without patience would have been a hungry Stone Age hunter. He would have been running after his pray like a mad man. Women who chose these impatience Stone Age hunters would have died of hunger, and the impatience genes would have died out with them. For that reason, patience is today a vital masculine trait. It’s as important as assertiveness. Women are genetically programmed to get turned on by both patience and assertiveness. If fact, if you can’t show a woman that you’re both assertive and patient, then she probably won’t get turned on enough to have sex. Even if she gets turned on by your assertiveness alone, it’s often not enough. She needs to feel your patience as well. This is especially true during seduction and foreplay. Most women will not even kiss a man before he has shown his patience. If a woman feels that a man desperately needs to kiss her, then she’ll be turned off by him. Before we look at some examples, I want to point out that patience isn’t the same as indecisiveness. When you’re using patience, you make a decision to not make a move. You decide that right now you won’t say or do anything – you wait. You’re completely calm and at ease, because you have decided to wait for a better opportunity. When you’re indecisive, you’re not sure of what to do. You feel restless and anxious, because you can’t make up your mind.
Patience is what you use when you decide to not make a move. Assertiveness is what you use when you decide to make a move. Patience and assertiveness are in this way the only two options you have when you make a decision. You can choose to take action, or you can choose to wait. Think of an exceptionally confident and cool guy. It can be a friend or a celebrity. (George Clooney for example.) His confidence comes from his assertiveness. When he wants to say or do something, he just says or does it. He is not afraid of being judged by others. He makes a move, and he stands for it. His coolness comes from his patience. When he doesn’t have anything to do or say, then he’s completely at ease. He doesn’t freak out and try to come up with something to do or say – he just waits. I bet this cool confident guy you’re thinking of right now is popular with women. He got the two important masculine traits you need to be a good hunter – patience and assertiveness. Therefore, he is sexually attractive to women. Side note: From this we can conclude that indecisiveness is almost the perfect definition of a sexually unattractive man. When you’re stressed out because you can’t make up your mind, then you’re the male equivalent of an ugly woman.
Patience and Anticipation Now you know the biological connection between patience and sexual attraction. Let’s look at the psychology behind patience and sexual attraction.
If you’ve forgotten the definition of sexual attraction, then here it is again: The Definition of Sexual Attraction: Sexual attraction is the feeling of arousal that appears when one person acts or feels masculine, and the other person acts or feels feminine. This means that you have to make a woman feel feminine to arouse her. (While you yourself use your masculinity.) The easiest way to do this is to use your assertiveness. Assertiveness is part of your masculinity, and it will make your partner more feminine. You can for instance choose to give your partner a massage. Now she feels pleasure, thus she feels more feminine, since the feeling of pleasure is part of femininity. Or even better, you can tickle her. Now she feels both pleasure and pain. Since all feelings are part of femininity, she’ll feel more feminine. Or you can choose to do nothing at all – you can wait. Waiting (patience) creates anticipation. Anticipation is a powerful emotion – and women love it. Anticipation is a strange mix of pleasure, excitement, hope and fear. And as all feelings and emotions, anticipation is part of femininity. Your emotionless patience (masculinity), and your partner’s anticipation (femininity) will create sexual polarity between you and your partner. The end result is arousal.
Example 1: The First Kiss This is a classic. You’ve been seducing a woman for a couple of hours. You’ve been leading the whole way. Building arousal, emotional connection and trust.
It’s obvious that she’s attracted to you, and you decide to go in for the first kiss. To your surprise she rejects you. She tilts her head back and laughs nervously. This is mixed signals, so you use ‘the do it again concept’ - you try again. The same thing happens again. She won’t kiss you, even though she’s turned on. What’s going on? From a biological standpoint, you haven’t shown her your patience. You’ve been assertive the whole evening, but that’s not enough. A Stone Age hunter needs patience as much as assertiveness, and her instincts tell her to back off. You back off and play it cool for 10-15 minutes. Maybe you talk about something random, or maybe your check your email or something. You act completely disinterested in her. (Without being rude of course…) This will drive her insane. Her mind will go something like this: “Doesn’t he like me anymore? … Maybe I’m not attractive … But he tried to kiss me … Will he try again? … Maybe he has a girlfriend … Why didn’t I kiss him back? … Shit! I blew it … Why won’t he kiss me again? … Do I have bad breath? …” Her mind is hijacked by anticipation. This potent cocktail of emotions, called anticipation, fuels her thoughts. Her mind is raising – just what you wanted. She’s filled with all these conflicting thoughts and feelings. Right now, she’s highly feminine. (As I have explained several times in this book: all thoughts and feelings are part of femininity.) And who made her this feminine? You did!
Her anticipation (femininity) is fueled by your patience (masculinity). When you choose to switch back to assertiveness, and go for the first kiss once again, then she’ll be more than ready. (I’m still amazed how well this play-it-cool move works. Creating anticipation works wonders. If you haven’t tried it, then you’re in for a surprise…)
Example 2: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back You’re giving your wife a soothing oil massage. She lies on her stomach, and you massage her shoulders and back slowly. You have all the time in the world, and your wife feels completely at ease. Eventually you move on downwards and work on her buttocks. When your wife thinks you’ll move in between her legs, you stop, and start massaging her feet instead. Slowly you start massaging her calves, and then her thighs, and eventually her inner thighs. Now your wife knows what’s coming – and she can’t wait. She even spreads her legs, letting you know she’s impatient. Then, you surprise her again. You start massaging her hands and arms… This is a great way to build anticipation and arousal. You’re alternating between moving forward (towards her more intimate body parts), and then backing off again. Your wife will be aroused both by your assertiveness (massaging more and more intimate parts of her body) and by your patience (backing off and taking your time). This two steps forward, one step back approach works like a charm with women. It’s much more effective than only moving forward.
It takes you longer to reach your goal (first kiss, sex, or whatever you want to achieve), but you’re more likely to get there, since you’re using both assertiveness and patience. When you’ve developed the skill of building both assertiveness and patience, then you won’t have any problems arousing women.
The definition of a sexually attractive man is a man who’s comfortable with both making a move and not making a move. Make sure you become that man – because it’s a whole lot of fun… I wish you the best of luck! And remember… Luck has really nothing to do with it.
It’s all about hard work and self-development.