secrets of natural attraction

Secrets of Natural Attraction: How to Get Desirable Women To Chase You! By John Alanis

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Introduction Before we get into the “meat” of this book, I’d like to take some time to introduce myself to you. My name is John Alanis, and for the past 8 years I’ve been involved in almost every method possible of attracting women. I’ve spoken in public from the stage (an amazing way to attract women), written ads and sales letters (and websites) that have attracted women to me, been interviewed by radio and TV stations, even been in the newspapers (heck, I once met a girlfriend because she read an article about me). You might say I’ve used every method of attracting women to me, and I’ve been pretty successful. I get to pick and choose who I want in my life and just as importantly, who I don’t. However, I’m not here to brag about me… I’m here to deliver you good information, information you can put to use immediately to attract the kind of women you desire. That brings up an important point. When I say “attract women,” I mean get women to approach you. That’s what makes this book unique… it’s all about getting women to approach you first. I rarely walk up and talk to a woman first, unless I see she is already attracted to me, and wants me to speak to her. I do not approach women… I “set it up” so they approach me first. When you get women to approach you first, your life will change forever. Why? Because you know she is already attracted to you. You make the “rejection decision” not her. You test her, she doesn’t test you. She has to impress YOU. And most importantly, she’s worried about whether YOU like her, not the other way around. YOU are in complete control of the interaction. During my entire “attraction career,” I’ve found there’s one important element in the ability to attract women to you, and that’s this: women are naturally attracted to men who define authority for them. If you put yourself in an “authority defining position” women can’t help but be attracted to you. When it comes to attraction, women do not think like men do. Men see a physically beautiful woman, and they’re attracted. Simple as that. You can take a beautiful woman who does not speak a word of English, put her in a room full of men, and they will hit on her all night long. The opposite is true as well. You can put a physically unattractive woman who is highly intelligent, has a great sense of humor and is fun to be with in a group of men, and they will ignore her completely (for the most part… there’s always one guy who will take whatever he can get).

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Women are different. They are attracted to a man based on what can best be described as “attraction triggers.” No matter how a man looks, no matter how much money he makes, no matter how old he is, if he activates these triggers by engaging in certain types of behaviors, women will be attracted to him. There is a myth that women are attracted to “bad boys,” or “jerks.” Women are not attracted to “bad boys” and they are not attracted to “jerks”… they are attracted by certain characteristics “bad boys” and “jerks” exhibit that activate biological attraction triggers. Consider this: women are attracted to rock stars who make a living “defying authority.” They are attracted to politicians who make a living “creating authority.” Women are attracted to thugs who break the law, and police officers who enforce the law. Women are attracted to the class rule-breaker, and they’re attracted to the class teacher. Why are they attracted to seemingly opposite types of men? The answer is simple: all the “types of men” mentioned above define authority for the women in their presence. This “defining of authority” trips the biological attraction triggers present in all women. Do rock stars ask women on dates? Heck no, women flock to them. Same thing with any man who trips female biological attraction triggers. If you want to attract as many women as you want, you need to do two things: 1) Avoid the things that shut off these “natural triggers” (such as being a “nice guy”) and 2) Do the things that trip these triggers. That’s it… it really is as simple as that. Here’s the neat thing about all this: what most men do not know is the ability to flip a woman’s natural attraction triggers is a natural process anyone can learn. It took me awhile to discover this, and my exposure to different media helped me greatly. No matter if I did a TV interview or wrote a woman an email, the “structure” of what tripped her biological triggers and the attraction that followed was always the same. It’s a formula, just like E=MC2. And if it’s a formula, anyone can use it—including you. A lot has been written about how to “pick up” women, how to talk to women, and how to “seduce women.” Most of it is garbage, some of it is very, very good (I highly recommend all of Ross Jeffries’ Speed Seduction™ material—it’s located at www.speedseduction.com ). But what most of these books and courses talk about is how you can be successful when you approach women—not how to engineer situations so women approach you… what I call “creating attraction systems.” Nothing wrong with learning how to approach women. It’s a great skill to learn. However, it’s NOT something I’ve ever really been able to master. Nor do I care to. When you learn to create “attraction systems” that get women to approach you first, things are much easier. You don’t have to work as hard. They automatically treat you

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with respect. Just about anything you say or do will be perceived as “funny” or “attractive” once she’s decided she’s attracted to you. If you approach her first, it takes a lot of time, energy and effort to master the skill of creating attraction—after all, if she’s an attractive women, men approach her all the time. But if she approaches you, she’s already decided she’s attracted. When that happens you get to skip all the normal dating BS, and get straight to the fun part, no matter if you’re looking for fun in the moment or a long term relationship. It’s YOUR decision. Now, I want to make one further point about this book. It’s not a huge, fat “encyclopedia” that sits on a hard drive and takes 500 pages to print out. It’s lean and streamlined with all the “fat” removed. I’ve done my best to make this as relevant and easy to read and USE as I possibly can. And if you do use the secrets revealed within, you will get results and you will get attractive women to approach you first. Also, please be sure to read and study the two Free Bonus Reports that came with this e-Book. Most free reports are one or two page “throwaways.” Not these… I spent a lot of time, energy and effort on each one to give you two very unique methods of getting women to contact you first. The first report deals with how to write an online profile to get attractive women to email you first. It includes a small sample of the actual emails I’ve gotten from women, as well as detailed instructions on creating a compelling profile. The second one reveals a very unusual method of getting women to contact you, and that’s by getting newspapers and magazines to write articles about you. If you read through my entire website you’ve seen my articles. These are real, and the women I met because of them are real (I just received an email from one in Washington State two days ago!). In this report I show you the exact “press release” I used to get the media to contact me and do a story about me. I don’t think anyone else has ever talked about this method of meeting women, but it is highly effective. Enough talking… let’s get to work!

-John

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Chapter 1 Why Most Men Do NOT Attract Women

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Before you can begin to engineer events and situations that get women to approach you, it’s important you be aware of the elements that prevent most men from attracting women. Why? Because it’s just as important to avoid the things that make you boring and unattractive as it is to do the things that make you attractive. If you get her to approach you first, but start acting like a “nice guy” after you start talking, she will lose her initial attraction to you, instantly. This used to happen to me all the time… I’d have attractive women come up and start speaking with me, and I’d slip into the “nice guy mode” and they’d mysteriously leave. Obviously this was before I put all the pieces together and learned to avoid things that kill initial attraction, but I learned some very valuable lessons. Once she’s approached you, you still have to deepen her attraction, and validate that she made the correct choice to come up and talk to her. I’ll tell you exactly how to do this further along in this book, but the first thing you must do is learn to avoid all attraction killers. I know a lot of guys who are in great shape, intelligent and successful. You’d think women would be all over them. And to an extent they are: for ONE date. That’s all it takes. These guys who are “attractive on paper” couldn’t get a second date to save their souls. Why? Because they continue to do the things that turn women off without even being aware of them. Even though they are thought of as successful and attractive by their friends, they persist in their unconscious bad habits that repel even those women who initially find them extremely attractive. If they were to get rid of their unattractive habits, they’d have more women in their lives than they knew what to do with. So what are these attraction killing habits? There are several of them, but they all have this one thing in common: they allow the women to define authority in the relationship instead of the man. And when this happens, the attraction triggers flip off, she pigeon holes him as a “nice guy” and she will go find a man who flips them on. Here are the 7 “Attraction Killers” that will get you defined as a “nice guy.” You MUST AVOID these to be successful with women: 1. Failure to command respect from the very beginning. What do nice guys do? They never disagree, they give into her every whim and they let her walk all over them. The “nice guy” creates no sexual tension whatsoever. He never stands up to her. He always lets her have her way. He hopes she likes him. He lets her define the relationship, and as soon as that happens, he’s done. And once you have the label of “nice guy” with a woman, it is virtually impossible to lose it. Nice guys follow women around. They shower them with compliments. They put her on a pedestal and let her know she can do no wrong. Women have no respect for nice

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guys, because nice guys don’t demand or COMMAND respect. How do you know when you’re being a “nice guy?” When you let her define the relationship, not you. 2. Trying to “please her.” Women can’t stand a guy who suffocates her with kindness… who’s always there for her every little want and need. 3.

Failure to secure a specific time and place commitment when meeting for a date—nice guys fall into the trap of “calling to confirm” or buying into the BS of “give me a call and I’ll see if I can make it.” Bad boys demand she show her butt up when she said she would or she’s done.

4. Trying to “buy” or impress a woman—attractive women know they can get guys to buy them things or take them anywhere they want. And they have no respect for these men because they never draw the line, no matter what kind of behavior she engages in. “Nice guys” try to impress women… “naturally attractive” guys expect women to impress them. 5. Focusing on only one woman—if you think she is the only woman in the universe and can do no wrong, she will lose respect for you. Why? Because she knows she can do anything she wants, and you’ll put up with it. There’s no fear of loss on her part. She can define the relationship in any way she wants and you’ll stick around. 6. Letting her define the rules of the relationship—things like “I have to be in a committed relationship for 6 months before I sleep with a guy.” Nice guys buy this… bad boys recognize this as a challenge that if handled correctly will get her into bed that night 7. Setting yourself up for failure in the beginning by letting her know you are “romantically interested” in her. If you let her know you “like her,” or , God forbid “confess your feelings for her,” she’ll lose interest. This can all be summed up in one sentence: women are not attracted to men who allow women to define authority for them. There’s a corollary to this “Nice Guy Non-Attraction Law;” Women constantly test men to see if the authority that attracted them in the first place still exists. The instant she perceives it doesn’t, she’s off to find a man who will give it to her. Think about this: do you have a friend who is labeled by women as a “nice guy?” What does he do? Probably all of the above. What kind of success does he have with women? Probably not much. He probably has lots and lots of female friends who say, “Gee, you’re such a nice guy, how come you don’t have a girlfriend?” But none of them will touch him with a ten

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foot pole. Why? Because while his “being a nice guy” SHOULD attract them it does not… in fact it turns their attraction triggers off. They may like him as a friend, but his actions don’t create a powerful sense of attraction in her. Remember this, always: women do NOT make logical decisions when it comes to men. They act on whether or not they feel a powerful sense of attraction when a man is present. That attraction is created when you define authority for her.

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Chapter 2 How to Build “Attraction Systems” That Compel Women to Approach You First!

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OK, now you have a good idea of what turns women OFF, it’s time to talk about creating situations that attract them to you. Keep in mind though out this whole book that if you slide into “nice guy” mode during any step in the process, her attraction triggers will instantly flip off, and she’ll be off to find a bad boy who flips them on. No matter how much she is attracted to you, that attraction will vanish in an instant if you slip into “nice guy mode.” I speak from way too much harsh experience. Every time a woman loses interest in me it’s because I got lazy and relapsed into “nice guy mode.” Avoid this at all costs, or she’ll avoid you. Onward. As you may or may not know, I’m in the direct marketing business. “Direct marketing” is really just a way of leveraging media so you can do business with a lot of people at the same time without needing a huge infrastructure. This e-Book is a great example of “leveraged media.” I create a product—once. I write a “sales pitch in print” which can be mailed, emailed, put on a website, etc. Then, I give other people the right to re-sell the product using my tested, proven sales copy and give them a favorable percentage of whatever they sell. They make money, I make money, and the best thing is I only had to do the work once! Since they drive traffic to the website I provide for them, and I get other people (in this case an online “Shopping Cart”) to deliver the product for me I can literally make money with no time, energy or effort invested AFTER the initial work is done. What I’ve created is an automatic money machine! It attracts customers to me, and I make money with no time invested. This is called a system. Once it’s built, it runs forever. There are two types of systems… automatic systems like the one I just described, and semi-automatic systems. Semi-automatic systems require me to do some work, even after the system is built. A great example of a “semi-automatic system” is selling from the stage at a seminar. That’s something I’m pretty good at, so I get lots of invitations to speak. The promoter puts the people in the room, I fly in, deliver my speech, make an offer, and the promoter and I split the sales 50-50. Although I don’t do any work to put people in the room, and I only have to write my sales presentation once, I still have do some work… I actually have to show up and deliver my speech. So, while this system is not fully automatic, it still has tremendous leverage because I am able to deliver a sales presentation to a large number of highly qualified prospects with a minimum of work. So how does this apply to getting women to approach you? I’ll tell you in a minute because there is one very, very important consequence of using leveraged

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marketing systems to make money. And this one “consequence” will change your life forever when it comes to women. Here it is: everyone who buys from me via a leveraged marketing system has approached me first. They went to a website, received a sales letter, saw an article or ad about me, answered an email, or went to the back of the room to take me up on an offer they made from the front of the room. They come to me to buy, I do NOT go to them. They feel like they made the decision to buy on their own, NOT as a result of being sold to. And because of that, they view me as an expert, not a salesperson. And because they view me like an expert, they treat me like one, NOT like a salesperson. This is called “positioning” or “framing.” I set the parameters for the interaction, not them. If they want to buy from me, they must follow a certain set of rules, or else I do not allow them to buy. He who sets the “frame” of the interaction determines and controls the outcome. Burn this into your head. It is one of the most important things you will ever learn about human behavior, and understanding and utilizing it will give you the Golden Key to success with women, to success in business, to success in any endeavor where you come in contact with other people. Here’s an example. Let’s say you are eating dinner, and the phone rings. It’s a tele-marketer trying to sell you a satellite service. You don’t know this person, you’ve never heard of them, you’re not really interested in satellite, and they just interrupted you. What’s you reaction to them? Irritation? Annoyance? What’s the probability of you buying a satellite system from them? Not very good. Now, if the tele-marketer is really, really good they might be able to calm you down, get in rapport with you, and sell you a system. Maybe. But even if you do, how do you view them? As a salesperson. How do you treat them if there’s a problem? By God, since you gave them money, they’d better come over and fix this thing right now, or you’re reporting them to the Better Business Bureau, you’re calling a lawyer, etc., etc. The frame you view them under is someone you can “kick around”—they need you, you don’t need them. Why? Because they called you first. Now, consider this scenario. You’re starting to do well in your job or business, and you’ve got some money to “invest” in a satellite system you’ve always wanted. Hundreds of channels, NFL Sunday Ticket, TiVo, everything you’ve always wanted. So you start looking. And lo and behold you read a newspaper ad talking about the satellite system you want. It sounds great so YOU call the number to get signed up. Now, stop and think for a minute: what are the chances of the person on the other end of the phone selling you a satellite system? Almost 100%, even if they are the worst salesperson in the world.

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Why? Because you are already pre-sold on them when you call. All they have to do is schedule an installation time. The person taking the call doesn’t have to have any “sales skills.” They don’t have to overcome any objections. You are already in rapport with them when you call. Why? Because you want to buy something from them! You need them, they don’t need you. Now, let’s take this one step further. Let’s say the person on the other end politely tells you, they’re completely booked up, and it will take two weeks before they can come out and hook it up. But they’ll put your name on a waiting list. And since you really want it, and there’s no other decent alternative, you’ll wait two weeks! Think about it: you have to wait and be happy about it! Why? Because they have lots and lots of other customers who can take your place. You need them, they don’t need you. Look at the difference in your behavior in each situation. The outcome was predicated on the “frame” that was set from the beginning. If a telemarketer calls you, you probably don’t buy. If you call the tele-marketer, it’s almost 100% certain you will buy. Do you see how the “frame” determines the outcome of the interaction, and all future behavior? And, most importantly, do you see how the frame is set by the “leveraged marketing system?” Because you chose to answer an ad, you view the company in a completely different light then if they had to call you and sell you. Because you answered the ad, they can replace you… if they call you first, you can replace them. Are you beginning to see how this applies to meeting women? I’ll give you an example, and then we’ll get into building what I call attraction systems. Like I said before, I speak at seminars a lot. When I show up, many members of the audience don’t know who I am—they’ve never seen my face. Usually I go sit in the back, and they think I’m just another attendee. And I don’t let them know I’m a speaker until I’m introduced. Now, how many women at the event do you think approach me when I first show up? None—they think I’m just an attendee. They put the “attendee frame” around me… to them I’m just another guy at a seminar. Then I get up to speak, or to simply be introduced by the host. He or she calls me up on stage and lets the audience know I’m a speaker, I’m an expert on the topic the audience is there to learn about, and they should come talk to me. That’s all it takes. I go from just another attendee to a celebrity. And as soon as I get off the stage, attractive women who ignored me before suddenly rush up to speak to me before the other ones do. It happens every time. The simple act of me being

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introduced as an “authority” changes the frame completely. I am no longer just an attendee to the women in the audience… I am an expert who defines authority. The frame is changed completely. As a result, the way they treat me changes. All of a sudden I am very, very attractive and very, very scarce. There’s only one of me, lots of them, and I’m leaving soon. So… they either have to talk to me now, or never talk to me at all. And the vast majority of them come up and talk to me….! Do you see how the “frame” controls the outcome? Under the “attendee frame” I’m just another guy who they could take or leave. Under the “expert frame” I’m a highly desirable and attractive guy. Nothing about me changed. I’m the same guy, dressed exactly the same, driving the same car, making the same amount of money, with the same friends as I was before I was introduced as an expert. But they way they perceived me changed, because the frame changed. And because the frame changed, their behavior toward me changes. What changed the frame? The simple act of me being introduced as an authority by someone already in authority. That’s it. This is an example of an “attraction system.” An attraction system is simply a way to engineer events that automatically set the frame of YOU as the expert, as YOU as the male who defines authority for others. Remember, women crave a man who defines authority for them. It’s what they want. It’s what they dream about. Read any romance novel (they’re written by women for women)—you’ll see that the male hero ALWAYS defines authority. ALWAYS. By the way, it is a very useful (although somewhat painful) exercise to go buy a few romance novels and read them. The male hero is always the same. He may be a pirate in one, a prince in another, the his character is always the same. Romance novels are written by women for women and it is a very useful exercises to read what women find attractive in a man. The hero is certainly not a nice guy, but rather a “bad boy” with raging emotions underneath his rough, manly exterior. You don’t need to become a romance novel hero to meet women, but it is useful to read about the male hero’s characteristics in every novel that flip the heroine’s attraction triggers. A great book to read is actually a study on romance novel, and it’s called “Dangerous Men, Adventurous Women.” You can get it at Amazon, and it will give you some amazing insights into the male characteristics women truly desire. If you want to get as many women as you want to approach you, already attracted to you, then you need to design and build attraction systems, OR better yet, take advantage of those that already exist. I’ll tell you a story about how I watched ANOTHER guy utilize an existing attraction system (this was before I was able to recognize when a woman was attracted to me… for whatever stupid reason I couldn’t recognize that her coming up and smiling and

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talking to me, and asking me to come to happy hour was a “subtle sign” she was interested). A few years ago I joined a runner’s organization for two reasons—to get in better shape, and to meet athletic women. I did both, but I lost out on one really cute (and intelligent) one to a built in attraction system. Like I said, she was attracted to me at first… I was a bit brash, funny, personable, and I was in pretty good shape. In this context, being in great shape conferred “expert status” on me… so she came up to ask me a question. Now, at this time I wasn’t as skilled as recognizing female attraction as I am now. Live and learn. Anyways, she asked me to come to happy hour with her and some friends after we’d finished running, but I had some things I needed to do (which I could have put off). I figured I’d talk to her later (big mistake). Anyways, each club had a designated leader. This person’s job was to simply stay in front of everyone else, make sure no one got behind or got injured. Not a difficult job. The guy who was designated the “leader” was a cool guy, and a good runner, but he wasn’t the best looking guy in the world. He wasn’t a very good conversationalist, and while he wasn’t dumb, he wasn’t going to cure cancer any time soon. Guess what happened? By the time I got back to the group (a few weeks later) she was going out with him! Why? Because he was in a position that defined authority in the context of running… her biological triggers flipped, and she started dating him. Heck, they started living together. If he hadn’t been the “leader” at that point (and the leadership post rotated between members) there is no way in hell she ever would have dated this guy. Don’t get me wrong, he was a good guy… but had he not been in that “authority defining position” she wouldn’t have given him the time of day. He later told me she’d asked him to happy hour, and they went home together that night! Gee, wonder what would have happened if I’d gone to happy hour when she asked me? Duh! I saw them in the gym together a few months later and went up to say “Hi.” He was on the elliptical machine—he’d had shoulder surgery and was just getting back to working out, and getting back into running shape. As I was walking away, I heard her say something to him that stuck with me forever: “When are you going to start leading those runs again? You need to start doing that again—you were good at it.” Right then and there she was affirming the reason she’d been attracted to him in the first place. She wanted to feel that powerful attraction again, and she knew she’d feel it if he stepped back into that role. I don’t know what happened to them (that was years ago) but I can assure you of this: if he didn’t start leading those runs again, or finding some other way to define authority for her, then she’d be off to find another guy who flipped her biological triggers.

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Now do you see what I mean by utilizing “attraction systems?” Do you see how powerful they are? To meet as many women as you want, all you need to do is leverage attraction systems. Do that, and they will flock to you. So, let’s get into specific example of how you can either create “authority defining attraction systems” or leverage existing ones. Hey, you may not be able to get people to invite you to speak at a seminar, but you sure as heck can be the leader of a running group… or a instructor of a Yoga group… or a class teacher… or the friend of a musician…! And once you’re perceived as a man who has the power to define authority for a woman, whatever the context, they will approach you.

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Public Speaking OK, now I know what you’re saying—you hate speaking in front of groups, you have no one to speak to, and no way to learn. Here’s how to overcome all of that: go to http://www.toastmasters.org/ and look for a local Toastmasters club. They are all over the place… heck, there’s probably 20 or more in Austin, Texas. Visit several of them, and decide which one you like best. Then join up. You will have ample opportunities to speak in public and get coaching from people who are really good at it. The monthly dues are minimal. And if you are looking to meet women, you will meet plenty. You may have to go to a few meetings, but Toastmasters does a very good job of helping people who are deathly scared of public speaking become very good public speakers. And once you become good (it won’t take you long), you’ll have ample opportunities to speak. And you will attract women to you. Toastmasters provides tons of different opportunities for you to meet women. They have lots of contests, regional get-togethers, etc. and you will come in contact with lots of dynamic people. You will also meet people who are very good at speaking… observe and learn from them. You can also test various approaches, speeches, stories and jokes at Toastmasters. It’s a great place to test material, and a great place to practice defining authority. If your club can’t wait for you to speak, you know you have good material. At Toastmasters, I quickly got to be known as an irreverent and funny guy who wasn’t afraid to be outrageous and push the limits. I did NOT try to be offensive, just outrageous. When I was speaking people would come to meetings just to hear me speak. I’m not trying to brag, I’m trying to show you how powerful being a good speaker can be. It can be easily learned, just like everything else. People quickly came to view me as a guy who was an authority on public speaking. Here’s another great thing about Toastmasters. After the meeting is over (provided it’s an evening meeting), people want to go to “social hour.” This is the perfect place to talk to female members of the club after you’ve finished speaking. I don’t know how many times I spoke, went to social hour, and then wound up leaving social hour to go somewhere else with an attractive female member. I used to have a friend who had a really neat system of putting himself in the “authority defining” frame using Toastmasters. If he met a woman he was attracted to, he’d invite her to a Toastmasters meeting where he was speaking. The great thing about Toastmasters is, you are allowed to bring guests. Now, because he asked her to come to Toastmasters, she didn’t perceive it as a “date” or even think he was romantically interested in her. He simply asked her to come to a meeting because he “wanted some feedback on his speech.”

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Now, what do you think happened when she saw him speak, and saw the group cheer wildly for him? She thought he was an expert, and had the ability to define people’s authority. Hey, the guy was a pretty good speaker, and he and I became friends. After we got to know each other better, he revealed his system to me. He never took women on dates, never asked them out… all he told them was that he wanted an outsider’s opinion on his speech. All he had to do was deliver the speech with her in the audience, and let her see their reaction. Everytime I saw a woman I didn’t know, I knew he was about to date someone new. It happened every time. For him, Toastmasters was an “automatic attraction system.” He dated women who joined the club, and he brought women in to see his speech who weren’t members. Never asked them on a date—just invited them to give an opinion on his speech. I gotta tell you, this guy dated a lot of women. Once I got to be a good public speaker the same thing happened… I even had two women who were jealous of each other because they were both attracted to me! You can do the same thing… just find a Toastmasters club (or two—you can join more than one), join up, hone your speaking skills and then invite women to come give an opinion on your speech. You can even ask them to invite their friends… there’s nothing like having two (or more) women in the audience who are both attracted to you, and know the other’s attracted. Boy, that’s when the sparks really fly! Another good point about Toastmasters is, members are constantly coming and going. What this membership turnover means to you is, attractive women come in and out of the club as time passes. So, you have a constant stream of new, attractive women in the audience. And if you are ever interested in speaking in front of other groups, there are many Toastmasters members who can present you with that opportunity. All you have to do is ask, or let it be known you’re interested in speaking in front of other groups. You probably won’t get paid, but if your goal is to simply attract women you will have ample opportunities to do that. There are more speaking opportunities than there are good speakers. I highly recommend Toastmasters. I was a member of Highroller Toastmasters here in Austin for several years, and it was a great experience. I still have friends from that group (both male and female) and I had the opportunity to attract some great women. And you should know, they all approached me after I spoke from the front of the room.

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Online Dating Services A few years ago, internet dating was almost a social taboo, laughed at by people who viewed it as a way for desperate rejects who were too afraid to show their face in public to meet each other. How times have changed… some of the most attractive, intelligent women can be found online. I have a friend of mine, Chet, who is, to put it mildly, pretty good at meeting women. He has all kinds of hilarious stories, going back years and years. He met a lot of women before there ever was an internet. However, the internet is the only way Chet meets women now. Why? Because he’s a busy, smart, personable, successful guy who knows and understands systems. For him, the internet is the perfect attraction system… he simply runs an online profile on the internet dating services, and sends emails to those women who’s profiles interest him. He’s had as many as three coffee dates A DAY with sexy, desirable women, simply because he knows how to use the internet. I’ve done very, very well myself, and I never write a woman first. I just run my profile, and wait for the responses. I’ve in included all my secrets in the detailed free report that came with this eBook. I highly suggest you have a look at it… the internet can be the ultimate attraction system.

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Free Publicity Imagine, a newspaper or magazine running an article about you, and printing your photograph! Do you think any woman who sees that might think you’re a pretty attractive guy… and that they should get in touch with you? Free publicity really is a little known—but extremely effective attraction system. When a woman who sees a story on you meets you in person, she doesn’t just view you as an authority, she views you as a celebrity. Most people think that newspapers and magazines only write stories about famous people, but that’s not true. What is true is that a large majority of stories are “planted” by the person who wants the story done about them. Rarely do reporters go out and look for “stories”— most “stories” are sent to them. If you have a story for the media (and everyone has a story for the media) all you have to do is approach them the right way, and they will be more than happy to do a story on you AND give out your contact information. I’ve met a lot of women this way, and it’s by far my favorite way. I like it when women are attracted to me because I’m in a position of authority… I LOVE it when they’re attracted to me because I’m in a position of celebrity. If you consider yourself a “shy guy” then I’d highly recommend utilizing free publicity… all you do is talk on the phone with a reporter, email them some pictures, then wait until the article runs… when women contact you first, you won’t worry about being shy. Getting stories in the newspaper and in magazines really is incredibly easy. I put all my secrets into the second free report that came with this e-Book, and I highly recommend you put it to use. There’s nothing like women calling you up because they saw an article in the newspaper about you and thought you were an intriguing guy. Or because their friend, neighbor, relative, or mother saw the article and passed it off to them (which I had happen, twice!).

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Endorsement by an Authority Figure Sometimes I’ll go to a seminar where I’m not speaking, just attending. Many times it will be a seminar put on by a friend of mine, or someone who knows me. Most of the time, they’ll ask me to stand up, and they’ll briefly introduce me, and tell the audience they should talk to me. I don’t have to say a word… women automatically come up and speak to me. Why? Because someone else in authority “bestowed authority” on me, simply by saying they knew me, I was a good guy, and that people should talk to me. This endorsement by an authority figure can be incredibly powerful. People think that I’m on the “inside” with the authority figure, and if they get to know me they can “be an insider” as well. Never underestimate the power of association with an elite. People on the “outside” want to be on the “inside.” And if women who want to be on the “inside” perceive you can help them get there, the attraction triggers will flip, and they’ll approach you. Now, you don’t have to know someone who speaks at seminars to take advantage of “endorsement by an authority figure.” It can be anyone who is known to be in charge of a group of people. Here are some common examples: •

Gym manager or (better yet) owner

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Aerobics instructor

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Real estate broker who has agents working for him/her (you wouldn’t believe how many attractive female real estate agents there are in any given city)

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Bar owner/manager—I had a friend of mine who managed a nightclub when I was in college. Where ever we went waitresses and bartenders recognized him and came up to “pay their respects” to him. Why? Because they might have to work for him someday! As a result, we both met a lot of women—all I had to do was stand beside him and wait for him to introduce me.

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President of a civic organization—Chamber of commerce, Lions Club, church group, etc.

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Elected officials

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Fraternity president (if you’re in college) - 21-

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Leader of any campus organization, student leadership, etc. At any given university there are hundreds of campus groups

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Softball, soccer, 6 man football team coach—in most cities you can find “beer leagues” where people get together to play just for fun. It’s very easy to become the coach—usually no one wants it. Even easier to become friends with the coaches of other teams and have them introduce you as a “star player” from another league.

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Bank manager

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Restaurant owner or manager

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Professor/teacher (I knew a guy who had several professors as friends… every now and then they’d let him speak to their classes, and he’d meet more women than he knew what to do with)

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Popular musician or band leader (think you’d have a few women come up and talk to you if the front man for a popular band introduced you on stage and told people to come talk to you?!?)

These are just a few examples. Sit down and come up with a list of friends or acquaintances who might be in a position of authority. Next time they are in front of a group of people they have “authority over” get them to introduce you as a “person everyone should know and talk to.” Then sit back and wait.

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Dance Class This is an old trick for meeting women, but it works. I’ve never used it myself, but I’ve known several guys who have. Just look in the phone book under “Dance studios” and go out and sign up for a class. Here’s what you’ll find: lots of attractive women, and a few miffed husbands whose wives forced them to go. It’s a perfect place for you to meet women AND gain a skill that literally is an “automatic attraction system.” I’ll tell you a story about how being a good dancer can get women to approach you. When I was in college, I had friend who couldn’t get a date to save his life. He wasn’t a bad looking guy, but he was awful with women, and spent most of his time consuming large amounts of beer. I don’t know what possessed him to do it, but he decided to take up Country Dancing, Two Stepping in particular. It took him a few months to master it, but once he did, this guy had women fighting over him. Here’s how he did it: he started going to dance class regularly, and soon had several female friends. Nothing romantic, just platonic dance partners. After they became decent dancers, they started going to different clubs on a different night of the week. He’d dance with each of them, just to show the crowd he was pretty good. Then he’d leave, just to come back the next week. After a few weeks, he got to be known as a good dancer who was also well liked by the “ladies!” Why? Because week after week, attractive women watched him dance with different women, and made the assumption that he was an attractive guy because other women found him attractive! They had no idea the women he was dancing with were simply platonic friends from dance class. Soon enough, women who’d seen him at the club for a few weeks started coming up to him and asking him to dance! And since he was good enough to “lead them” and knew more about dancing than they did, they viewed him as a man who “defined authority” for them! This guy went from being a loser who couldn’t get a date to save his soul to a guy women literally fought over. Why? Because they saw him in the presence of different women, and saw that he was a good dancer! That’s it. He was still the same guy who drank too much beer, but he changed the way women viewed him, simply by learning to dance. Women love a guy who can LEAD a dance during a song. Few guys can… if you master this skill, you will automatically flip a woman’s biological attraction trigger, and they will approach you. After all, it’s just a dance! If you consider yourself a “shy guy” this is a great strategy, especially if you master country dancing. There are country bars and clubs all over the place, many frequented by attractive women who desperately want to meet a guy who can dance well. Show them you’re that guy, and you’ll never have to ask a woman on a date again.

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Class Instructors Ever heard the term, “teacher’s pet?” Everyone has, and everyone knows what it means. Being a teacher or classroom instructor is a great way to meet women. In fact, many of the women I’ve dated have confessed to me that, at one time or another they dated (or just slept with) a class instructor. Now, I’m not recommending you get hired on as a Professor and go violate every ethics law in the book. Not at all. However, there are many community colleges, businesses, and social groups that utilize part time instructors for small classes. Many of these people are hired simply because they have enough expertise in a subject to teach it. I’ll give you an example. I used to have a friend who had a job teaching new employees how to operate a bank’s computer system. He’d go to different banks and make presentations every time they did a new round of hiring. Now, this guy was as skinny as a rail, and an alcoholic. However, he met girlfriend after girlfriend by simply making these presentations. He’d just hang around after he was done, and wait for them to come up and talk to him. Worked like a charm… this ugly guy had more girlfriends than he knew what to do with—and his “authority defining position” was as a trainer of computer software! How much more boring can you get than that! If you have a particular subject are you know a little bit about, chances are there’s an opportunity for you somewhere to be an instructor or a trainer on that subject. The best place to start is your local community college.

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Elected Representative Everyone knows women are attracted to politicians… Bill Clinton and Newt Gingrich (two completely opposite personalities and view points) proved this without a doubt… both were caught red-handed cheating on their wives. However, when I say “elected representative” I don’t necessarily mean election to public office. What I mean is election to a group office. Just about every group has a president, vice president, etc. Toastmasters does, the Austin Running Club does, your local school board and PTA do, your local chamber of commerce does, etc. etc. Most of the people currently serving as a group representative, can’t wait for their term to be over. If your goal is to meet women, however, getting yourself elected to a group leadership position is a way to build in an automatic attraction system. Don’t overlook becoming a coach in the local sports “beer leagues.” Here in Austin there are thousands of people who love to play softball, then go out and drink beer. And there are some pretty hot women there as well. You can meet them simply by joining a co-ed team. Just show up and say you want to play. No skill is required, this is all just for fun (and usually an excuse to drink gallons of beer). But if you become a coach, even better… now you are in a position of authority. By virtue of holding the position itself, you are viewed as a man who defines authority. It is very, very easy to get yourself elected to a group leadership position. Why? Because most members don’t want the extra work… most of the time you will find yourself running unopposed. Simply join the group of your choice, come to meetings for a few months, be an active participant and run in the next “election.” Most groups elect officers every six months. Yes, you’ll have to do some extra work, but the women in the group will view you as an authority figure. I had a friend who used to hop from group to group, with the sole purpose of getting himself elected as a group leader. He’d go to a group’s meetings, see if there were attractive women there, and if there were he’d join. He’d be a member of three or four at once, and he had more dates then he knew what to do with.

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Social Leader Do you have a group of friends you hang out with? Is there one person who decides where everyone goes, plans everything, and is known as the “life of the party?” This guy probably has a lot of women coming up to him, huh? Why? Because, socially he’s in charge… women can sense that and are drawn to him. So, if you want to attract women, simply become the social leader… round everyone up, make plans, take care of all the detail most people don’t want to. Plan and host any parties, and very soon you’ll get the reputation as the guy in charge. Once this happens, women will start to gravitate towards you and then compete for you. If you have a small group of friends, start going out together, and invite one or two select women to a party. Collect their email addresses, let them know you sent an email to 50 or so, but only the first 5 (or 10) will be allowed in the door at your small, private gathering. Then turn away a few and let it be known.

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Speed Dating “Speed” or “Eight Minute” dating is a relatively new invention, but I have to admit it’s a pretty damn good “attraction system.” In case you’re not familiar, you sign up and then show up to a local bar that has individual tables set up. During the course of the evening you spend 8 or so minutes with ten different women. If you’re interested in a second meeting you mark the card you are given when you check in, and then a few days later you are emailed the women who are interested in you. Then it’s up to you to set up a coffee date. If you study the section in this book on what to say and do when they approach you, this will tell you exactly what to do during Speed Dating. After all, they are technically approaching you. They came to meet you. During the “Speed Dating” session, your purpose is to quickly evaluate the women present, gain some initial rapport, and if you decide they’re qualified to spend time with you, ask them to circle you on their card. Most guys don’t ask… they just hope she will remember. You’ve gotta ask, or you won’t get. For a list of great questions to ask, read the sections in this book on what to do when she approaches you, and what to do and say on the coffee date. I usually just ask them, “What’s your passion, what are you into?” and then follow it up with, “Well what do you find attractive about that?” By the time they’re finished talking it’s time to move onto the next woman. I say, “Hey, it was fun meeting you, and I’d love to hear more about . Put my name down on the card, or just find me afterwards and perhaps we can continue this conversation.” This is brief, yet powerful. Why? Because every other guy there is going to either try to impress her by talking about himself, or ask her nice-guy questions like, “Duh, what do you do?” You’ll separate yourself just by the questions you ask. Be sure to hang around after the formal go-round is finished. Many women hang out afterwards, and this is a great opportunity to continue the conversation with one or two of them you really liked. Plus, if the others see you talking to a woman, they’ll presume you’re an attractive guy. Staying around afterwards can oftentimes net you more coffee meetings than the original event. Don’t leave, and miss out on this opportunity. Later on in this book I talk about the importance of proper dress. Be sure you are properly dressed when you show up. Remember, each woman is also talking to nine waldos, and you want to give her every reason possible to contact you afterwards.

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Put Your Female Friends To Work For You I don’t know the reason why, but women LOVE to match-make. The woman I’m currently dating has done her level best to hook a good friend of mine up with her best friend. She also tries her best to get her male friends laid with other women. Simply let your female friends (especially any older women with eligible daughters) know you’re interested in meeting someone, but you have very high standards. Now, here’s something important you need to know: let it be known if any potential referrals are interested, they must contact YOU first. They can email you or call you, but they must make first contact. Don’t let a female friend give you her friend’s phone number and expect you to call. This only leads to problems because now you’re chasing her, not the other way around. Make it very clear that any potential referral has to call or email you first, or you won’t even consider seeing them. After they contact you, set up a coffee date. But don’t you dare contact them first. Regardless of what happens on any date with a referral, you need to be sure to “reward” the woman who referred. This can be a sincere compliment, a small bouquet of flowers, a thank you card, lunch, whatever. But you need to positively reinforce the behavior so she’ll continue to refer to you. If the date didn’t work out, be honest and let her know, but be sure to show appreciation for the referral. You want her to refer again AND tell other woman what happens when they refer friends to you. There’s nothing like having a group of women constantly referring others to you. Be sure to encourage that behavior.

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Member of an Elite Group There is a group here in Austin that calls themselves the “Austin Cannibals.” Their claim to fame is, they give great parties. All they are is a loose-knit group of guys who throw a beer bust ever now and then. However, if you go to their website, and look at how to become a member, it tells you that you can’t join. You have to be invited to join by a member in good standing. Now, what do you think happens? Outsiders, who want to attend their beer busts show up to happy hours these guys sponsor and beg and plead to be a member. Why? Because they were told they can’t. It’s by invitation only… and of course hot women get invited to come to their parties… as guests. How did they get to be known as an “elite group?” They simply declared themselves elite, and then let it be known they had a few slots open, by invitation only. And people came. That’s all you have to do. Get a few friends together, throw a party or two, and then let it be known that you’re an elite group, you’re throwing more parties in the future, but it’s for members only. And to be a member, you have to “qualify” and be invited by a current member in good standing. There’s a great book you should read called “Winning Through Intimidation” by Robert Ringer. In it, Ringer talks about the “Leap Frog Theory.” The Leap Frog Theory simples says this: there are two ways to get to the “top” in any profession. Work your way up the ladder and “pay your dues” (whatever that means) OR simply declare yourself at the top and act like you are. The same thing holds true here. How do you become the president of an “elite group?” Simply declare yourself president, and then allow select members to join. Simple as that.

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Chapter 3 What to Say and Do When She Approaches You

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Now that you understand how to set up automatic “attraction systems” you need to know what to say and do when they approach you. For a long time I was really good about getting women to approach me, but really bad about continuing the interaction. I’d fall into “nice guy mode” or fail to set up a meeting, and they’d walk out of my life forever. It is not enough to simply get them to approach you. You must deepen the attraction, collect their contact information, and set up a “private meeting.” If she’s approached you, she’s attracted to you. If she wasn’t she wouldn’t approach you… it’s as simple as that. However, you’re still a ways from closing the deal. You’ve completed the first step, but now you have to complete several more steps, depending on your desired outcome. Here are the steps you need to complete: 1. Testing her to make sure she’s the type of woman you want to spend time with 2. Setting up a private meeting, usually a coffee date 3. Getting her contact information (note that this step comes AFTER you get her to commit to a private meeting) 4. Taking the necessary steps to make sure she doesn’t “flake” AND she shows up on time.

Let’s start with Step #1. To me, this is the most important step of the entire process. I want to immediately start with the frame that I’m testing her, not the other way around. She needs to prove herself to me, not me to her. She needs to impress me, not the other way around. It’s very important you get clear on what type of women you want to spend time with. Think about it—make a list of characteristics, both mental and physical that she must possess in order to spend time with you. That way you won’t waste even one second on a woman you won’t be happy with. You want to be able to quickly disqualify those who don’t measure up to your standards so you can spend time with those who do. You want to spend time with “Grade A” prospects, not “Grade F” suspects.

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Here’s a list of what a woman must have before I’ll spend any significant amount of time with her. If even one thing on this list is missing, I’m on to someone who does have these qualities. 1. She must be in great physical shape, and actively take care of her body. 2. She must be intelligent enough to hold a conversation with me. 3. She must be a bright, fun cheerful woman with a positive outlook on life. 4. She must take responsibility for her own actions. 5. She must be sexually open and adventurous, and be able to separate sex from relationships. This to me, is very important. 6. She must be independent and want a man to complement her, not “complete her.” 7. She must not have any “baggage,” emotional hang-ups, or create drama in my life. I’ve got enough of my own problems to solve without trying to solve someone else’s. I’m very adamant about any woman I spend time with having all these qualities. Every time I’ve let one of these slide, I’ve had problems. When do I start “testing” to see if she has these qualities? Immediately. I can’t find out all of them at once, but I can find out enough to know if she’s worth inviting for a cup of coffee. On the coffee date I pretty much find out the rest. The first thing I do is look at her to see if she works out, if she carries herself well. When she approaches me, I smile at her to see if she reciprocates and smiles back. Now, when I smile at her, it’s not with a big dopey grin. Rather it’s a playful, mischievous smile that makes her wonder what I’m thinking. I want her to think I’m a “playful little boy” in a man’s body, thinking naughty thoughts. I do this with a playful, slightly seductive smile. If she returns it, then I know things are going well. Most of the time they smile right back. When I see her smile back, I say, “Hi, I’m John as, you know. And you are…?” At the same time I extend my hand to her. When she answers, I take her hand and shake it. I don’t let go, unless she moves to pull it away. This is a “naughty boy” move, and women like “naughty boys.” I’ve had 15 minute conversations where I’m holding the hand of the women who just approached me, and she made no move to pull it away. This is a good thing.

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If she pulls it away (and some do, it’s a reflex) I continue talking to her and smiling. I’ll usually start with “small talk” asking her questions about our current environment. If she saw me speak, I’ll ask her “So did you enjoy my presentation? What did you enjoy most about it?” I always ask a question I know she’ll say “yes” to, and I always follow it up with an open-ended question that gets her talking about herself. And then I shut up and listen to her. If I met her because she saw an article about me, I’ll ask her what she enjoyed most about the article. If an “authority figure” introduced us, I’ll ask her, “What do you enjoy most about working for so-and-so?” The point is, I’m asking her questions that get her to open up and talk about herself. And I’m listening intently to what she says and how she says it. Does she continue to smile? Do the structures of her answers indicate she has something going on between her ears, or is she s a very “surfacey” person? If she strikes me as an intelligent woman, I’ll start building real rapport with her. One of my favorite questions is, “What’s your passion, what are you into?” This, for me, is a make or break question. If she doesn’t understand the question, or isn’t passionate about anything, then I’m probably not interested. I like women who are passionate. If she says something like, “Oh, I really enjoy ‘adventure racing’ or ‘I love hockey’” then I’ll ask her, “Hey that’s pretty exciting. What about “X” excites you?” See, what I want to do is get her talking about things she has emotional ties to, things she’s passionate about. Why? Because then she’ll begin to open up to me, and reveal things about herself that she only reveals to those who are very close to her. Once she does this, I know she’s made the decision to trust me. Why? Because people only reveal personal things to those they trust. Once she tells me something personal, by definition she trusts me. As she talks about what she’s passionate about, I listen intently for themes and subjects she has an emotional attachment to. Maybe she’s a little more animated when she’s talking about one thing than she is when talking about something else. As soon as she mentions something she obviously has a deep attachment to, I ask her an open ended question about that subject. I’ll give you an example. I was at a seminar where I was briefly introduced from the stage. I didn’t speak, but the host let it be known I was somebody the audience should get to know. Sure enough a cute red-head I had my eye on came up and talked to me. I shook her hand and continued holding onto it. After a little bit of chit-chat we went to the hotel lounge to sit down and continue the conversation. (All I said to her to do this was, “Hey, I’m tired of standing, let’s go sit down somewhere.” And then I took her by the hand and led her to the lounge.)

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She was pretty “into” her business, so I continued talking with her about that. Although she was passionate, she didn’t really reveal anything personal. So… here’s what I said, “Wow you really sound like you’re passionate about business. Is there anything else in your life you are equally passionate about?” Guys, this is a deadly question. If she’s excited about something, but you’re not learning much about her, you need to shift her excitement to a more useful subject. She’ll still maintain the emotional state, but on a different subject. When I asked her this question, she thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’m pretty passionate about my daughter.” Here’s what I said: “Hey every mother certainly is proud of their daughter, but I’m curious: what about your daughter do you most enjoy?” She smiled and said, “Well, there’s lots of things, I guess, but she really has a great smile. Would you like to see a picture of her? I have one I’ve never shown to anyone else, but I’ll show it to you if you want to see it.” Right then and there I knew I “had her.” She had just made the decision to “trust me” by saying she would show me something she’d never shown anyone else. This is an example of what I mean when I say to look for her to reveal things she only reveals to very close friends. When you hear that, you know she’s made the decision to trust you, sleep with you, hang out with you, whatever. This is the signal I’m looking for. All I had to do with her was talk to her about her daughter for a few more minutes, and then say, “Hey, why don’t we go someplace a bit more private where we can talk without all these people around us.” Then without waiting for an answer I took her hand, and led her to the elevator. Hell, she led me. OK, back to work. Once I’ve got her talking about something she is passionate about and I can tell she’s at least worth a coffee date to find out more about, I have a decision to make. Can I take her somewhere more private then and there, or do I need to meet up with her in the future? If the opportunity exists for me to take her elsewhere right then, I take it. She’s in the moment, she’s just approached me, she’s talking about something she’s passionate about—she’s in a good emotional state. So I simply say, “Hey listen, this isn’t the best place in the world to talk… why don’t we continue this conversation elsewhere. I’m in the mood for coffee (or I’m thirsty, or I’m tired of standing… the reason doesn’t really matter).” Then I take her hand and lead her. I’ve never had a woman resist this because she’s already demonstrated she’s attracted to me. It’s perfectly natural for her to be led by the guy she’s attracted to—in fact this validates her decision. If you slip into “nice guy” mode here and try to please her, it will invalidate her attraction. Take her hand and lead her to where you said you wanted to go.

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Now, you must lead her to a “safe place.” If you say, “let’s go to my bedroom” she’ll probably put a stop to that. It’s too soon (usually, although there are occasionally exceptions!). If there’s no way for us to continue the conversation somewhere else, then I get her to commit to a second meeting right there. I do NOT ask for her phone number. Nice guys ask for phone numbers. Do this, and she’ll think you’re a nice guy. What I say is this, “Hey listen. I’ve enjoyed speaking with you, but I’ve gotta go. You strike me as a fun and intelligent woman and I’d enjoy continuing this conversation in the future. What’s the best way to make sure we can continue this conversation in the near future?” Then I shut up and wait for her answer. Sometimes she’ll say, “I don’t know what do you suggest?” She’s looking for a powerful answer when she asks this. What I say is this: “Let’s get together for an hour or so over coffee and continue this conversation then. What works for you, Time 1 or Time 2?” Almost always they’ll agree to a time, or suggest another time and place. Then I’ll say, that’s great, I’ll meet you at “Time and Place.” However, this is not enough. You have to make sure she doesn’t change her mind or flake on you when the emotions of the moment wear off. Here’s what I say to prevent this: “I’ll be there at exactly X time. Now you should know I’ll be there exactly on time, maybe even a few minutes early. Being on time for others is important to me—it’s a sign of respect. Can I count on you to be at Time and Place at Time?” I say this with a grin, but there’s seriousness behind the grin. I can’t stand people who show up late and I let her know it. Before I started doing this, I had problems with late-shows and flaking. After I started doing this, they started showing up on time. The words “can I count on you to do X” are deadly. People want to be known as someone others can count on. Once I started using these words, women started showing up when they said they would. Imagine that. Before I let them go, I do one more thing: I get her contact information. And I call it that: contact information. Not a phone number, but contact information. Nice guys ask for phone numbers… bad boys exchange contact information. Here’s what I say, “My on time rate is pretty dang good, but every now and then something happens and I might be a bit late. If on the extremely rare chance something does happen, I need to let you know so I you don’t think I’m rude or a flake. So let’s do this, let’s exchange contact information, and on the off chance something happens, I’ll let you know. Here’s my cell and email.” Then I pull out a piece of paper and a pen (which I always carry), and write my first and last name, cell phone number, and email address on a the top half of the paper. I tear the paper in half, give her what I just wrote, plus the bottom half of the paper AND

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the pen. What do you think she does in return? She writes her first and last name on the piece of paper along with her cell phone and email address. Then she hands it back to me. It happens every time. If you’ve ever read Cialdini’s book, “Influence, the Pyschology of Persuasion” you’ll recognize this as “reciprocity” and “commitment and consistency.” Then what I do is this: I read what she’s written back to her, and ask her if it’s correct. I ask her if I pronounced her last name correctly and I verify that her phone number and email address are correct. Then I have her do the same. This insures that we both have the correct contact information, and gets her to mentally validate her interest. Then I say one last thing before I turn and walk away. “Hey, it’s been great talking to you… I’ll see you at X O’clock sharp, at time and place, correct?” Once she verifies this, I’m out of there. The only other thing I do is show up at the time and place we agreed upon. I always try to set this meeting for as soon as possible, usually in the next day or two. The further out it gets the more likely they are to forget about it. Here’s what I never do. I never call them to confirm. This gives her an out. If during the initial conversation she says to call her to confirm, I tell her absolutely, no way. “My time is very valuable, and I only spend it with those who can be sure they will keep their commitments. If you aren’t sure of that time, then tell me one you are sure of. If you’re not sure of any, then perhaps you and I shouldn’t get together.” If she won’t commit, I take it away from her. Usually this gets her to commit. Oftentimes she’s just testing me to see if she can get away with any bullshit. I let her know in no uncertain terms that I do not put up with that type of behavior… save it for the nice guys. Never, ever, get yourself into a situation where you agree to call and confirm with her. This is nice guy behavior. Don’t set your schedule around her, she should set hers around yours. Bad boys don’t call to confirm… they expect a woman to keep her word, or they’ll find one that will. Never, ever call to confirm. Either get a firm yes, or a firm no. That way you’ll spend your time with high quality prospects, not a bunch of women who think you’re a “nice guy.” I also always ask them to join me for coffee. Never for dinner, rarely for lunch. Dinner is like a date, and I absolutely, positively don’t want them to think we’re on a date. Nice guys go on dates. Bad boys start someplace safe, but who knows where they’ll end up. I don’t like lunch either—it’s hurried, you’re interrupted by the waiter, and you both have to leave. With coffee, you can spend as much time as you want. I set it up for early evening, or weekends. I don’t want her to have to leave to go back to work. I want to have the opportunity for us both to stay as long as we want as long as we’re enjoying each other’s company.

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Coffee’s cheap as well—here in Austin I pay $1.84 for a 20 oz cup of coffee at Starbucks. I don’t like to meet at bars or for happy hour, but occasionally I’ll make an exception. The reason I don’t like bars is, they are loud, smoky, and there’s a chance we may run into some of her friends. That’s not something I want to happen… I want it to be me and her in a quiet place where we can both talk. Here’s when I make an exception: if we get to talking during the initial meeting, and she tells me that she’s “had fun” after she goes to a particular bar, then I’ll take her there. She associates going to that particular place with going home with a guy… who am I to argue with that? I very vividly remember an instance where I met an attractive girl over the internet. She read my profile (the one in the Free Bonus Report) and emailed me. We talked, and agreed to go to the Humane Society together… she wanted to see about getting a dog. She met me at my place, and we drove the animal shelter. It was awkward at first, but things lightened up as we went along. We started telling “party stories” (I’ll tell you how to do this in a later chapter) and I noticed she mentioned a local bar in each of them. She’d also follow it up with, “I can’t tell you what happened after that!” What I picked up on was, every time she went to this bar, she went home with the guy she went with. So, we went back to my apartment, had a little bit of wine (her stories always started with her having wine—that’s why I offered some), and then I said, “Hey, let’s go to this bar… it’ll be fun!” So we went to the bar, and replayed what always happened when she went to that bar. Whenever they tell me a story like that, I just duplicate the events of that story. This is called “utilizing her strategy”—all that means is, if she did it once, she’ll do it again. This is the only time I’ll go to a bar or have alcohol on the first meeting. If they don’t give you a compelling reason why you should meet at a bar, then meet for coffee. It’s the safest, cheapest thing you can do. If you’re having a great time at coffee, yeah, then you can go for drinks IF she reveals alcohol brings out the bad girl in her… if not, I don’t introduce alcohol into the equation. It’s too expensive anyways. Why spend money on booze when a coffee meeting will do. So… I always recommend meeting her for coffee if you can’t get her to go somewhere with you right after she’s approached you.

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Chapter 4 What to do and say on the “First Meeting”

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Don’t fall into the mistake a lot of guys make when they’re going to meet a woman for coffee: calling her the day before (or the day of) to “confirm” you’re still on. This gives her an “out” and if she’s having any doubts, she’ll take it. I never give them an out. I expect them to show up on time, and when we set up the meeting, I let them know that. Sometimes they’ll call me to confirm that I’m still meeting them (a good sign) and I always say, “Of course, I always keep my commitments, and I respect others that show me the same courtesy- I’ll see you at Time and Place at X O’clock sharp.” I always show up a few minutes early, get myself something to drink and sit down. I also bring something interesting to read in case she’s late, or in the (now) rare instance she flakes. I always make sure I have a good time whether she’s there or not. I like to sit in the most private seat possible, where I’ll have enough room to reach over and lightly touch her. I want it to be as quiet as possible with few interruptions. When she shows up, I always make a comment about the time. If she shows up on time, I tell her that I appreciate her showing up on time, because so few people do. I want to maintain the frame for the future that I expect her to show up on time. If she shows up 10 or more minutes late, and doesn’t call, I always say, somewhat jokingly, “Hey I was counting on you to be here at XX—time… how can I ever trust you again in this relationship… this might finally be the end.” I say this in a playful tone, but I also inject the undertone of, “Hey, you promised to show up a certain time and you broke that promise… this is not acceptable.” I want her to know she let me down by not keeping her word. Ten minutes late doesn’t disqualify a woman, but she’s got a lot of ground to make up with me. I always offer her something to drink, in a matter of fact tone, just like I’d offer a friend of mine. I’m not offering to buy her a cup of coffee because she’s an attractive woman I’m offering to buy her one because it’s polite and it’s the way I treat people in general. All I say is, “Hey the coffee’s pretty good, would you like some?” I say this matter of factly. Most of the time they’ll get it themselves or when they first come up, they say, “I’m going to get some coffee… I’ll be right back.” Either way is OK by me, and I’ve found it doesn’t make a difference whether she buys her own or not. As soon as we sit down, almost as an afterthought I pull out my cell phone and turn the ringer off. Here’s what I say, “How rude of me… I almost forgot to turn off my cell phone… I can’t stand it when I’m in the middle of a conversation and someone’s phone goes off. What’s even worse is when they answer it. I’d hate to embarrass myself by doing that to you.” Then I turn off my cell phone and put it away. She will almost always do the same thing… one thing I’ve discovered is, women do not want to be thought of as rude. And no one wants to be embarrassed.

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Now this is not some silly act of my part to immediately impose dominance on her. I really cannot stand it when someone’s phone goes off and they answer it. I think it is incredibly rude and it’s something I will not tolerate. In the past when I didn’t do this, her damn cell phone would go off and break the flow of our conversation. I don’t ever want that to happen again, so I turn mine off in front of her. She gets the message. Note: if we’re continuing a conversation after she approached me, I turn off my cell phone as soon as we sit down. When she does the same, it’s an acknowledgement on her part that we’re going to be talking for awhile. I have one purpose in mind when I meet a woman for coffee: to discover if she’s the type of woman I want to spend more time with or not. If she is, then the purpose of the coffee meeting is to set up another meeting. Do I want to see her again or not? Now, I’m very flexible when it comes to meeting for coffee. I’ve had coffee dates that have lasted 30 minutes that turned into something, and I’ve had coffee dates that didn’t end until the next afternoon. Regardless of what happens during the time we spend together on the first meeting, I want to find out if she’s worthwhile meeting again. If I decide she is, then I always get her to commit to a second meeting regardless of what does or doesn’t happen. I have no agenda when I go to meet a woman other than to have fun and set up a second meeting if I decide she’s worth spending time with. That’s if. If you go in there with a pre-set agenda, she’ll sniff you out and you’ll be done. Just go to have a good time. If that’s your goal, you will never fail. The first ten to fifteen minutes are what salespeople call the “warm up stage.” This is simply rapport building small talk where my main goal is to make her (and me) feel comfortable. That’s it. Before you do anything else, you need to “warm up.” I have a friend who was a very successful insurance salesman. He actually went to people’s houses and sold them life insurance. He had a telemarketer make appointments, and he showed up and sold them life insurance. He mostly sold to senior citizens. The first 30 or so minutes after he walked in the door was spent on the “warm up.” He looked at pictures of grandkids, poked around in gardens, and really got to know his prospect before he got to the pitch. Many times he was invited to stay for dinner, and ate with his prospects before he even pitched them. One of the biggest reasons he was so successful was because of the “warm up.” By the time he got to the pitch he literally knew more about them than their closest friends. They felt like he was one of the family. Now, you may be saying, “Gee he must have been a good faker to sit through all that.” Nope, not at all. He was genuinely interested in these people and their lives, and

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he tailored his sales pitch to how he could best help them. His genuine interest in other people was what made him so successful. When I’m in the “warm up” phase of a coffee date, I do the exact same thing. I ask her questions about herself… and I’m genuinely interested in the answers. Everyone has something interesting about them, and when you shut up and actively listen, you’ll be amazed at what you learn. Most guys make the mistake of nervously yammering on about themselves, or trying to impress a woman by telling them how great they are as a man. Women have heard this a bazillion times, and whenever they hear it again they shut off. You want them to talk about themselves. You’ll immediately be different in their eyes… wow, amazing, here’s a guy whose interested in me as a person. The simple act of asking them questions about themselves can be a powerful aphrodisiac. However, you must ask the right questions. If you ask question like every other waldo out there, she will classify you as a waldo. Here are questions you do NOT want to ask: So, uh, what do you do? What do you like to do? What’s your favorite hobby? What do you do at work? Where did you go to school? And any other question that every other guy has ever asked them. Instead you want to ask them questions that get them to reveal who they really are to you. This serves two purposes… it fosters attraction, and it gets her to give you information. Remember, I’m trying to find out if she has the qualities I’ve written down on paper. When we first start talking I usually pick up the conversation where we left off. If we met at a meeting, I simply say, “Jeez, that was quite a meeting, huh? What were your impressions?” What I want to do is recreate the last five minutes of the last conversation we had. If she told me she was passionate about something, I always say, “When we were talking before you mentioned you were passionate about X. It sounded pretty interesting… how about refreshing my memory?” My goal is to recreate the past good feelings she had towards me, so we can move onto deeper questions. I’ve found the best way to do this is just to review the previous

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conversation, focusing on her. If she mentioned something specific at work, I’ll ask her, “Hey, did you get that situation resolved? What was the story again?” Once she’s back in the past positive emotional state, I want to deepen that state. So… I start asking her deeper questions. Here are some questions to ask her when you transfer from the warm up stage to the “deepening of attraction phase:” 1. What’s important to you about “X”? (Where X is the subject they’re talking to you about) 2. What’s most fulfilling to you about X? 3. What was it about X that attracted you to it? 4. You sound pretty passionate about X. What about “X” makes you feel that way. Note: These questions work best when you’re talking to them about a subject they’re excited or passionate about. However, they are powerful no matter the topic. I’ve had women who were complete strangers 15 minutes ago tell me their deepest, darkest secrets, things they wouldn’t tell people who knew them their entire life when I ask questions like this and listen to their answers. Why would they do this? Because I did something for them very few people ever do: I listened to what they had to say, and I showed genuine interest in them by asking them questions that got them to give me deeper answers. And once someone gives you one “deeper answer” to a question, they’ve decided to trust you, and will literally tell you anything you want to know. Anything. Now, I don’t want to spend all my time on deep emotional stuff. I want her telling me things she’s passionate about, she’s excited about, things she really wishes she could do. I want her to tell me her hopes, dreams and desires, and not her fears, failures and frustrations. I want this to be a positive experience for her. I want her telling me about the time her team won the soccer championship, not about her grandmother’s funeral. It’s also important to me she have a great sense of humor. Hey, I want to know what she finds funny. At times I can be pretty foul, and I want to know if she can joyfully join me in the gutter. I do not want to be with a woman who is easily offended. So, here are some questions I ask to get her to reveal what she finds funny, what kind of sense of humor she has.

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1. What do you find most amusing about “X”? (This question will get them talking about what they think is funny and amusing, and will let you match up your humor with theirs) 2. What about X makes you laugh? 3. What makes you laugh, what’s hilarious to you? (A great follow up question is, “Well then, what do you NOT find funny?” Now, there’s one thing about asking questions like this you need to know. If you start asking question after question, you’re going to start sounding like a district attorney. When I first started doing this, I’d ask too many questions in a row, and they’d ask me why I was asking so many questions. Now, I had a good answer for that, and occasionally I still have to use it. Most people are so used to others talking about themselves they are taken out of their element when someone takes a genuine interest in them. That’s why they ask about your questions. Just because they ask doesn’t mean they’re annoyed or suspicious… they’re just a little surprised. Here’s what I say, “Oh, I’m sorry… I’m just a naturally curious guy, and I truly enjoy listening to what other have to say. However, if you’d like to have a conversation all about me, I’m pretty good at that as well!” I say this jokingly, but with a bit of strength behind it. I want to let them know that I consider myself a rare guy because I listen to what people have to say, and that they should appreciate that trait in me. Usually they laugh and say something to the effect of, “it’s just so unusual to meet a guy who listens,” and then they go back to talking about themselves. I always say something a bit cocky like, “Hey, I’m a rare guy… you need to treat me right… if word gets out that there’s a guy who actually listens to women, there’ll be a mad rush to my house!” They get the message. Here’s the correct way to ask a question, gather information, and deepen her attraction. 1). Ask her a question that gets her talking about something she’s passionate about 2). Listen intently and ask her to explain any specifics, especially if you notice she becomes more passionate when she talks about a specific instance. 3). Make a funny, cocky comment about something she said, then back off and let her continue 4). When she’s finished tell her a similar story about an experience you had. She just gave you information about herself, now you need to give her some.

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5). Get her feedback… “what’s your opinion on the story?” 6). Based on what she told you, ask her another question and repeat the process. Each time I ask her a question, I want her to get a little deeper and a little more personal. I want to get her to the point where she’s in deep enough rapport with me where either she or I will begin to “sexualize” the conversation. Remember, this all happens after the “Warm Up.” You’re in rapport, now you want to deepen that rapport, deepen the attraction. The above process can be distilled into: ask question, listen to her answer, comment on answer/tell similar story, ask deeper question. At some point, I being to steer the conversation towards the subject of attraction. This is where I begin the transition to “sexualization” of the conversation. I do this after she’s given me a few deeper answers and has obviously decided to trust me. I also do this only if she’s proven she’s the type of woman I want to spend time with. If, at any point I decide I don’t want to see her, I look at my watch, tell I have to be somewhere soon, and then shift back to small talk. I even start doing nice guy things so she’ll feel like she rejected me. If you look back at the list of things that are important to me in a woman, several of them have to do with how she views sex and relationships. I do not want to spend time with a woman who has sexual hang ups or thinks she has to be in a relationship to enjoy sex. I only want to spend time with open minded women who have a fun, healthy view of sex. However, I just can’t ask her outright, “So are you a prude or do you like to really get it on?” That won’t cut it. Women have a lot of social pressures that prevent them from enjoying sex. Society can really be unfair… a man who likes sex is considered a virile, healthy, red-blooded MAN. A woman who likes sex can be labeled a “slut” or “whore” or “promiscuous.” As silly as these labels are, they are very real to women. One of the most important things I ever learned about women was this: as a man, it is your job to make it OK for her to express herself sexually. That means you must create the conditions for her to be able enjoy herself sexually without the fear of outside social pressures. There’s a really good book I highly suggest that will really give you insight into what is going on sexually in a woman’s head: it’s called “My Secret Garden” by Nancy Friday. It was written in the 1970’s and is simply a compilation of women’s sexual fantasies. They are actual stories sent to her by real women, and what they reveal will literally blow you away. Women are FULL of sexual fantasies, but are afraid of expressing them. As a man, when you can allow her to live out her fantasies in an environment that encourages, rather than stifles them, WATCH OUT… your nights will never be the same.

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Ok, so how to you sexualize the conversation? Presuming you are in rapport with her, and she has already told you some personal things, you want to steer the conversation towards the subject of attraction. It’s very simple and natural to do because you’re obviously in a situation with her that leads to attraction. Also, women love to talk about romance, attraction, relationships, that type of thing. To set up the transition, I always ask her the question, “So what about X attracted you?” where “X” is a subject she’s passionate about. If she’s really into say, running, I ask her, “So what attracted you to running?” Once she answers, I start to build a “verbal bridge” from “attraction to X” to “attraction in general” to “attraction between men and women.” Here’s how I do it. Once she’s told me why she’s attracted to X, I say, “You know, it’s interesting how attraction works. You can be attracted to a subject like, ‘X’ but you can also be attracted to another person in much the same way. Does that make sense to you?” I want her to say “yes’ and affirm that it does make sense to her. Rarely do I run into a woman who says no. On the rare occasion she does, I just explain it little more until I get a yes. You don’t have to do much explaining… women understand attraction more so than men do. Remember, men are attracted on looks alone, women are attracted to a powerful set of feelings that occur when her “attraction triggers” are flipped. What you want her to do is to explain, even re-live the process that flipped her triggers. Here’s what I ask: “Let me ask you this. Have you ever met someone, maybe a teacher, mentor, or even just a stranger you found yourself extremely attracted to? What was it that attracted you to them?” Now, shut up and listen. What you want her to tell you is how she was romantically attracted to a guy, and how he made her feel. Sometimes they’ll talk about an influential man (like a teacher or professor) they were attracted to out of respect. When they tell me this, I’ll ask her, “Well have you ever met a man who made you feel the same way? What was that like for you?” What I want her to do is tell me a detailed story about a guy she was attracted to, and what he did to make them feel so attracted. Guys, you will be amazed at the stories you hear when you ask this question. You will NOT hear answers you expect to hear. Many times they’ll tell you about a complete stranger they were attracted to. They may have been married for five years, but not once will they talk about “hubby.” I’ve talked to many women who have “steady boyfriends” and they most assuredly do not talk about him. They talk about the man who flipped their triggers like no other man ever has. Now, if they mention “ex-hubby” or “boyfriend” I always ask them this question: “Look, obviously that became a negative and I’m not really into talking about negatives. However, before things went south, you were obviously attracted to him in the beginning

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and that was a positive at the time. I’m curious, what about this guy attracted you to him?” Then I listen. All I’m doing at this stage is getting her to tell me what actions flip her triggers. That’s it. And she will tell you. Sometimes she’ll get sexual at this stage, but it’s pretty rare. Although we’re talking about attraction, I still have to bridge the gap to sexualization—and I have to do it in a way where she feels like she told me because she wanted to. Remember, I am still qualifying her at this point. If she doesn’t want to talk about attraction, then she’s going to be disqualified. But, to be truthful, I can’t remember a coffee date where a woman wouldn’t talk about attraction. Now, when I talk about “sexualiztion” I’m not talking about getting her to reveal her wild, screaming fantasies. I’m looking for attitudes about sex, and in particular to see if she is comfortable with “adventure partners” or “friends with benefits.” If she is, then I’ll start to set up a second meeting, and if the opportunity is right, create the conditions to extend the coffee date into an entire afternoon or evening. I’m not necessarily trying to get laid on the first coffee meeting. It’s happened, but only because we were both having a great time with each other and obviously wanted to spend more time. What I’m interested in doing on the first meeting is qualifying her completely, and if she passes MY TESTS, set up a second meeting where things will get much more physical. So, I need to discover her attitudes toward sex and relationships. One thing a lot of guys are “hung up about” is they don’t believe women will sleep with you just because they enjoy sex. Guys, that’s bullshit. Women love sex as much as men (if not more) and are very open to “adventure partners” and “friends with benefits” if those options are presented to them in the right way. Don’t transpose your attitudes over hers. If you have sexual issues, you need to find a way to get over them, or simply meet women whose issues are the same as yours. But, if you’re like me, and like to be around sexually adventurous women, realize they are just as open as you are to “friends with benefits” (also known as “special friends”, “friend with privileges,” etc.). After she’s told me a story about a guy she was attracted to, I validate her story, and then reciprocate by telling her one of my own. Here’s a big, big, big secret to getting women to open up sexually to you in a short amount of time and feel very, very comfortable doing so… she’ll feel like you were so attractive she couldn’t help but reveal herself to you.

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After she’s told you a story about attraction, you tell her one, that’s a slightly bit more sexual than hers. Then ask her if she has a story like that, and when she says yes, tell her you’d like to hear it. She’ll tell you. Why? Because she has to reciprocate. Guys, this is deadly. She tells me a story, and then I tell her a similar one, with slightly more sexual detail. The story I tell is about an incredibly romantic adventure I had with a woman who saw an article in a newspaper about me. It’s a great story that happens to be true. It also reads like something out of a romance novel. When I tell this story, I concentrate on the romantic aspect, just “hinting” at the sexual things that happened. I call the story a great “adventure” and talk about “chemistry” and “instant attraction” and “energy” and “becoming intimate” (a veiled sexual reference) and the fact that she said I made her “mind and body” feel like no other man (again a veiled—but obviously sexual—reference). They always love this story… it is very romantic and something they want to experience. (If you don’t have a story like this, tell about one that “could have happened” leaving out the “could have happened.” You’ll have several real ones soon enough anyways.) After I’m finished, I ask her, “So did you enjoy the story?” They always say yes… what woman doesn’t enjoy a romantic story! Then I ask her this question, “Does that sound like an experience you’d enjoy having?’ Again, they always say yes. Then I ask her if she has a story like that. Most women have something similar. If they still say “no” then I ask her if she’s ever had something “kind of like that happen?” If she still can’t take of anything, then I’ll ask her about her “most romantic experience to date.” If she doesn’t have one, then she’s disqualified. It’s been my experience that adventurous, sexually open women have lots of stories. So if she has one, she’ll tell me. I listen very intently, and verbally validate her story. I say, “Hey that was a great story! What a wonderful experience to have!” I’m setting the stage to make it OK for her to sexually express herself around me. Then I tell her I have a story like the one she just told me, but that it’s “racy” and “detailed” and might be a bit “juicy” for a first meeting, and I don’t yet know if I feel comfortable telling it to her. BUT… if she PROMISES not to be offended, I’ll tell her. Now, what do you think she says to that? She wants to hear it! Almost all women love racy stories, and if she tells you no, then she risks being seen by you as “unadventurous and close-minded.” Usually they’ll flush a bit, and then ask to hear it. I always ask them, “Are you sure? It’s quite racy and I may have to use some descriptive terms. But if you’re open minded enough, I’ll tell you.” By this time they really want to

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hear it. And I’ve made them ask to hear it twice. They’re eager to hear it. And they’ve just given me permission to tell them a very dirty story. Now, when I tell this story I always start with the term, “adventure partners, you know ‘friends with benefits’.” Whenever I say this, I study them very intently to see how they react. If they react negatively to that phrase, then they are probably going to be disqualified. If they smile and blush a little then I know they know exactly what I’m talking about because they’ve done it in the past. And if they do it once, they’ll do it again. So… once I get a positive reaction to the “friend with benefits statement” I proceed to tell a very real and detailed story about an “adventure I had with a woman at a seminar.” I let her know the woman looked a lot like her because I want her to picture herself as the woman in the story so she’s imagining herself having this adventure with me. As I tell the story, every now and then I ask a question that “secures agreement” or gets her to verbally commit to hearing the next part. I say, “Are you with me?” (and slightly nod my head to get her to say, “yes”). I also say, “Are you enjoying this story? Would you like to hear the next part? If you’re not enjoying it, I won’t finish it!” I always say it teasingly, like a playful little boy and they always ask me to continue. I tell the whole story from start to finish, being very, very descriptive. Now, I happen to have several true stories to tell. But if you don’t yet have one, you can tell her about one you wished would have happened or could have happened… you can take a bit of “poetic license.” Obviously she needs to think it’s real so she can picture herself there. After I’m done, she’s usually blushing and giggling. Then I drop the hammer on her. I ask her, “Did you enjoy that story?” Once she says “Yes,” then I say this: “Do you have a story like that? I took a chance and told you mine… are you adventurous enough to take a chance and tell me yours? It’s your turn…” I say this like a naughty little boy would. You would be amazed how many women do have a story like that… and how many will tell it to you using the same detailed language you used in your story. If she does have a story like that, then I know she’s sexually open. If she doesn’t, I say, “That’s too bad… you struck me as someone who was adventurous. But, hey, not everyone is presented with opportunity. But is that an experience you think you’d enjoy having, especially if only you and one other person knew about it?” If they say yes to this (which most do), then they’re qualified. If they say “no” then they’re not. I don’t think I’ve ever had a “no” at this stage. Why? Because all the “no’s” drop out during the warm up and deepening of attraction phase. If you get to this phase, she’s pretty open and adventurous… and attracted to you. There’s an old saying that I’ve found to be very, very true: “If she talks about sex with you, she’ll have sex with you.”

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When she’s done, I always give her verbal validation. I tell her, “Hey that’s a great story. I’m glad to know you’ve got a strong enough self-image to be that adventurous. It’s rare to meet a confident woman like that… good for you!” This validation is very, very important… it’s giving her permission to express herself sexually around you, and removing the fear that you think she’s a slut or a whore or a bad person because she likes sex. Here’s something I found: most guys are NOT open to women sexually expressing themselves and are intimidated to the core when they meet a self confident, sexually open woman. As a result, most woman have had the negative experience of being judged by some idiot guy who is not secure enough in his manhood to appreciate and validate her as a sexual being. This happens more than you think. This works in your favor, though. Once you let her know you will validate and appreciate her sexual expressions, she will open up. Many women are simply afraid of being judged (again) by another idiot guy so they are very cautious when it comes to sex. However, once they know you are different and you will appreciate their sexual expression, you better watch out. So what do you do next? Well, that really depends on your desired outcome and the situation you’re in. If you’re out of town on vacation, at an event or on business, and won’t see her for a long time, then should probably take the necessary steps to take her to your hotel room. If she knows you’re leaving, she’ll be willing to go. If she’s not quite willing (some women just won’t sleep with a guy they just met), then you want to set up a future meeting. This can work out well—there’s nothing like having “adventure partners” in different cities. If she’s local, and you’re really enjoying the meeting (and she is as well) then you’ll want to extend the meeting, and set up a second one. Here’s what I like to do: after I’ve validated her story, I stand up and say, “Hey, we’ve been sitting awhile, let’s go outside and get some air.” Then I take her by the hand and lead her outside. What I want to do is kiss her, so we go from the frame of “potentially having a physical relationship” to “having a physical relationship.” I also want to kiss her BEFORE the “goodbye” part. If it comes to “goodbye” and you go to kiss her then, it can bring up bad memories of bad dates she’s had. Nice guys always wait until the end and “hope” she’ll favor them with a kiss. Bad boys kiss a woman when they feel like doing it. If she’s been laughing, blushing, and reciprocating my stories, she’s usually quite happy to be kissed. I usually just gently pull her to me and kiss her, and I rarely meet resistance. Women like to be kissed… sometimes they’re a bit surprised, but they like that. Surprise is OK… waiting and hoping for the favor of a kiss is not.

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After I kiss her, I usually say, “Hey, this is fun, let’s go somewhere else and continue having fun.” I don’t ask her, I just say this matter of factly. It doesn’t matter where you go, but it is important to have a place in mind. I’ve gone to a restaurant to eat (because I was hungry), I’ve gone to downtown Austin, I’ve gone out to one of the Austin lakes, I’ve gone walking in my apartment complex… the place doesn’t really matter. What matters is, that you lead (women expect men to lead, and are not as comfortable when they don’t), and that wherever you go is “the place to be,” simply because you’re there. As long as you manifest the attitude that “where ever we go is the place to be” she’ll be attracted and enjoy the experience. Where ever we wind up going, I continue to be irreverent, a bit cocky, AND I treat her like she’s been my girlfriend for years. No matter what happens after that, you need to make sure you get a commitment for a second meeting. Or, if you can’t extend the coffee meeting due to circumstances beyond your control (like she has a prior obligation), you need to get a commitment for a second meeting. DO NOT leave it at, “Hey I had a great time, I’ll call you and we’ll make plans.” Don’t you DARE do that UNLESS you don’t want to see her. Make specific plans then and there, and get her to commit to a second meeting. If you’ve read Cialdini (and if you haven’t yet, you should put it on your immediate to-do list) then you’ll recognize this as the extremely powerful persuasion strategy called “commitment and consistency.” Usually I say, “Hey, I’ve gotta get running, but I had an OK time, and I presume you did as well. Let’s get together again… which one works better for Time and date #1 or time and date #2?” If either one of those doesn’t work for her, I ask her to suggest one. Then I usually tell her, “Hey why don’t you just stop by my place and we can leave from there. Also, if I feel spontaneous and come up with a fun idea in the moment that will let us be flexible enough to enjoy it. How good does that sound to you?” I don’t give her a specific idea of what we’re going to do, only that we’re going to spend time together. The last thing I want her to do is to think we’re going on a “date.” All I want her to think is that she’s coming over to spend time and feel really good with a guy she’s attracted to. No dates. The idea is to get her comfortable coming over to my place. If you both have gotten this far, it’s rare that she balks, especially if you’ve managed to extend the first meeting. After she commits I again let her know that I am counting on her to keep her commitment and show up on time as promised. If you’ve had a great time on the first meeting, decided she’s the type of woman you want to spend time with, she’s told you her interesting stories, you’ve kissed her, and extended the meeting, then it’s almost a lock something physical will happen on the

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second meeting. Heck, you’ve already kissed her… she expects that now. You may not have sex then (some women take a little longer than others) but you will soon enough. If I haven’t slept with her by the third meeting, then usually I don’t see her again (unless things are obviously heading that way). This rarely happens simply because of the qualification process I put her through. Like I said, I like adventurous women who enjoy sex without hang-ups. These kind of women are usually ready to “get down to business” sooner than I am. Where do you go from here? That’s really up to you. Do you want her to be a steady girlfriend? An adventure partner? A long term friend with benefits? A short term fling? That’s for you to decide. My goal is always to wind up with a long term friend, no matter what happens. Most of my adventure partners and “friends with benefits” eventually end up in relationships with other guys, but we still remain friends. Why? Because I make it perfectly clear to them I’m not interested in a committed relationship from the beginning. And while women enjoy friends with benefits, time and circumstance tends to change lots of things, and they decide they’re ready for something committed. That’s OK with me. I remain friends with them, even though the “benefits” go away. Why do I remain friends with them and keep in contact? Two reasons: first off, if their relationship doesn’t work out, we can always “reinstate the benefits.” I’ve had that happen several times. The second reason is, these women will often introduce their friends to me, “pre-selling” them on me as a good friend with benefits. Oh boy, do I like this. Imagine that, your female friends bringing you their friends to sleep with. But it happens, more often than you’d think. Why? Because she knows she’s giving her friend a great experience with a guy she can trust to allow her friend to sexually express herself. And when women “sell” you to their friends, they tell them EVERYTHING. I once had a woman who couldn’t wait to get my clothes off, just to experience everything her friend told her about me. Now that’s an “automatic attraction system!” The neat thing is, if you are sure to remain friends with all the women you meet, soon enough you have them introducing you to more of their friends than you can handle. It’s a built in referral system, all you need to do is ask. I always set this up in advance. What I tell her is this: “Hey, I enjoy having fun with you, but I understand you may meet a guy you want a committed relationship with, and the ‘benefits’ part of our relationship may come to an end. That’s OK. Let me know as soon as that happens, and I’ll be very happy for you. But I want to make sure the ‘friends’ part of our relationship continues, because I think you’re a great person and I like having you in my life… in addition to the benefits!” This usually gets a laugh, but it lets her know I want to continue to have her in my life as a friend, if and when she meets a guy she wants a relationship with.

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Then I say, jokingly, “Hey, if that every happens, be sure to introduce your attractive friends to me… you know I’ll treat them right, and give them some great benefits!” Now, I say this jokingly, but the fact that I’ve said it is important. She’ll usually laugh and hit me, but when time and circumstance changes, and she’s in a committed relationship with someone else, I always have something to remind her of. All I say, is: “Hey, I thought you were going to help your friends out and send them to a guy who gives great benefits!” Again I say this jokingly, but it works. Certainly not with every former adventure partner, but I’ve had several of them send their friends my way. Some women really like to hook their friends up (both male and female). All you need to do is ask, but you can get some great results. Here’s the other interesting thing about a “referral system.” Those women who are referred to you, are more likely to refer their friends when the time is right. Why? Because they themselves were referred. It’s a fact of business that a customer who was referred is much more likely to refer other customers than a customer who was not a referral. Put this powerful secret to work for you in your love life. What if you’re a guy who wants a committed relationship? You’re in luck… there are plenty of women who want the same. However, that does not invalidate the above process at all. If you really like a woman, and think you might be interested in a committed relationship, it is important you sleep with as fast as possible. She views you completely differently after you’ve slept with her. If you dally around, slip into “nice guy mode” and start “sharing your feelings” with her, you’ll be out of there so fast your head will spin. If you want a more permanent relationship, it is vitally important you keep her attraction triggers lit up. The instant they die, she’s off to find a guy who will flip them. The bottom line is this: no matter your outcome, it is important you follow the above process when meeting any woman you’re attracted to. Once she’s committed to liking you by sleeping with you, you can take the relationship in the direction you want.

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Chapter 5 Secrets of Attractive Body Language—How to Attract Women Without Saying A Word

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Body language is an important part of attracting women, no matter if you’re getting them to approach you or meeting her for the third time. Use the right body language and she will be attracted, use the wrong kind and she will be turned off. Sales trainers and other “attraction experts” have long made a big deal about something called “matching and mirroring.” Maybe you’ve heard of it, maybe not. I’ll give you a brief recap. Matching and mirroring is a way of physically getting in rapport with a person by covertly mimicking their body language and gestures. If they lean forward, you lean forward. If they cross their legs, you cross your legs. They “like you” because you are “like them.” Is their any truth to this? I’m not sure, but here’s my opinion. I’ve never had any luck matching and mirroring a person (it takes me too much time to think about it), but I’ve had several friends that have. The only way for you to find out is to do it for yourself. Now, I have had good luck simply by leaning forward (closer in) when they are talking about a subject they are passionate about, and by leaning away when they talk about a negative subject. This is really a form of what psychologists call “anchoring” and it’s worked pretty well for me. What tends to happen is, after a few times of leaning in, when I lean in again, they’ll follow and get closer to me. Why? Because I’ve associated my leaning in with a positive experience (good feelings) on their part, so when I lean towards them, they instantly feel good… and move closer to me to feel even better. When you notice a woman subconsciously following your lead and mimicking your body language, that’s a great sign she’s attracted to you. When you’re in front of a crowd and they start leaning towards you to hear what you’re going to say next, then they’re attracted to you. The opposite is true as well… if they are leaning back, and not following your lead, then they usually are not in rapport with you. And remember this: attraction follows rapport. If you can’t gain rapport, you won’t gain attraction (rapport is gained by using the techniques in the preceding chapters: actively listening, showing genuine interest, asking related questions that lead to deeper answers, then following up story matched to what they told you). Next time you’re in a conversation with someone and they talk about something they’re “into,” try leaning forward just a bit. Everytime they get really passionate, lean in again. When they’re talking about something they’re not “into” lean back. Do this a few

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times, then steer the conversation back towards what they’re passionate about. Lean in, and watch what happens. (A great way to steer the conversation back is to say, “Getting back to what we were talking about a few minutes ago, tell me more about . I’m curious.”) Another form of body language that works very well is correctly touching another person. Any real salesman knows that your closing rate is higher when you come in physical contact with the person you’re selling to. The same thing applies to attracting women as well. If you unobtrusively touch her, she’ll like you more. When she starts touching you back the same way you touched her, you know she’s attracted. Women do not touch men they are not attracted to. Woman after woman has told me this and my experience has borne it out. I’ve always had great luck using the back of my hand or the tips of my fingers to gently (and briefly) touch a woman’s forearm, especially when she starts laughing at what I just said. Again, psychologists would call this “anchoring.” “Anchoring” is a way to get someone to re-experience a particular emotion by introducing a touch, an object, a smell, or sound associated with that emotion. Here’s an example: have you ever been in your car, and a song comes on the radio that was really popular 10 years ago… and then all the memories and emotions associated with that song just come rushing back? That’s called an “anchor”… the song was an “anchor” to the emotions you were experiencing at the time, and when you heard the song, you re-experienced all the emotions. Well, if you want someone to think you’re funny and attractive, lightly touch them at the peak of their laughter (or good feelings), in the same place, every time they laugh (or feel good). This will set an anchor, and if you touch them in that same place whenever you see them, they will re-experience all the good feelings they had when you first made them laugh. Mysteriously they will think you are funny and attractive… without you even saying a word! Anchoring works very, very well during coffee meetings. When she starts talking about something she’s passionate about, and I can tell she’s re-living the experience, I touch her lightly, usually on the shoulder or wrist, whichever is closest. All I do is touch her and say, “It sounds like you’re pretty passionate about what you just described. This makes you feel pretty good, huh?” Whenever she starts telling me about what attracts her to a guy, I touch her in the same place. Whenever she tells me her “racy story” I touch her in the same place. This “sets” a “good feeling anchor” and whenever I want her to feel good I just touch her again in the same place, and “fire” off the anchor. This puts her back into the “good feeling” state which she associates with me. She doesn’t have any idea that I’m “firing an

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anchor.” All she knows is that when she’s around me she feels, passionate, excited and turned on… the way she would feel around any guy she has a strong attraction to. When we get up to leave from our coffee meeting I always “fire off” the anchor, and I always fire it off right before I kiss her. So… when I kiss her, she’s feeling excited and turned on… they way a woman is supposed to feel when you kiss her. When she feels this way, it’s a mental validation of her attraction to you. The physical act is congruent with the internal feelings. A quick word about touching: it is vitally important you touch her in a light, unobtrusive way, at least at first. Gently and briefly touching her forearm with the back of your hand is OK. Grabbing her inner thigh and holding on is incredibly obtrusive and will cause her to instantly dislike you. The key to creating attraction via touch is light, unobtrusive, and at the moment they are feeling good. Here’s a summary of attractive body language: 1. See if “matching and mirroring” works for you 2. Lean in towards the woman you are speaking to when she laughs or feel good 3. Lightly and unobtrusively touch her with the back of your hand to set an anchor when she is experiencing a positive emotional state, like laughter, excitement, passion, or lust 4. Whenever you see her, “fire off” the anchor to bring back the good feelings of the previous conversation. Soon enough she’ll associate feeling good with being with you… which is really what attraction is all about!

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Chapter 6 Other Quick and Easy Attraction Secrets

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There are a few other, basic things you should know about getting women to approach you and become attracted to you. Like it or not, how you dress can have a huge impact on how women perceive you. I resisted this for years (I like to be comfortable, and I’ve never been into “trendy”), but after getting a former girlfriend to take me clothes shopping, I’m a believer. Whenever I wear the clothes she picked out, women react more much more favorably to me than when I wear the clothes I used to call comfortable. To my surprise I also discovered the clothes she picked out for me are just as attractive as the clothes I used to wear. You can go to the yellow pages and hire a fashion and image consultant, and they will pick out clothes, hairstyles, etc. that will make you more attractive. This is not cheap, but worth it if you do have the money. If you’re on a more limited budget, I highly recommend picking up a copy of John Molloy’s most recent version of “Dress for Success.” You can get this at Amazon.com, and it is well worth the price. Here’s the best way to get properly dressed: just ask one of your female friends (preferably a current or former “adventure partner) to go clothes shopping with you. I’ve never been turned down for this, and every woman I’ve ever asked is delighted and flattered. I’ve gotten some very attractive clothes at great prices, and the results were incredible. Be sure to ask her to help you pick out shoes… it has been my experience that women tend to judge a guy by the shoes he wears. One of the best “attraction devices” I have is a pair of shoes purchased by a former girlfriend. I just wear those along with the clothes she bought me, and I am instantly more attractive than if I wear my normal, casual clothes. Don’t overlook proper dress. I’ve had women approach me to compliment me on a shirt or a pair of shoes, and I can assure it was not a shirt or pair of shoes I picked out. It’s always a piece of clothing another woman did. Proper dress can serve as an “automatic attraction system” all by itself. Right or wrong, first impressions are incredibly important. If women are attracted to you from the beginning, it’s much easier to deepen that attraction, than to try to overcome the “attraction handicap” poor dress can create. It’s much better to be known as the “attractive well-dressed guy,” than the “good looking slob.” I’ve been in both places, and it’s easier to be the “well dressed guy.” Trust me on this one.

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No matter what physical shape you’re in, you can become more attractive if you dress well and can make people laugh. I know a lot of well dressed fat guys who have a great sense of humor, and lots of female friends, as well as a beautiful girlfriend. Kevin Smith, the movie director is a prime example of that. He’s not in the best shape in the world, but he’s funny, and has a beautiful wife. She was with him BEFORE he became famous. However, I can tell you from personal experience that the better shape you are in physically, the more attractive you will be. First off, you will FEEL more attractive, and people will pick up on that. Your self esteem will soar, and you will be better able to manifest your humor. Secondly, women are biologically programmed to be attracted to men who are in good physical shape. I didn’t get into good shape until my late 20’s. I was in decent shape up until age 28, and had about a 33” waist. I ran and lifted weights, and did OK attracting people to me. Then I did the EAS Body for Life Contest, and dropped my waist size to 31”, and broadened my shoulders and chest. To me the changes were subtle, but the reaction by others after I finished the contest was unbelievable. I had people at the gym coming up to me and asking me what my secret was, I had women looking at me out of the corner of their eyes, and wherever I went, I noticed a lot of people would look twice at me. And it was all because I went from being in good shape to being in great shape. Being in great shape is another “automatic attraction system”—some women will approach a guy because he has a nice body. How do I know this? When I was a fat slob they ignored me. When I got into great shape and started dressing well they’d smile at me, even give me a compliment. THEY would initiate the conversation, without me ever saying a word. Add that to dressing well, and knowing how to make people laugh, and I got to where I could pick and choose who I wanted to hang out with. I never abused this privilege, but I met a lot of great people, and some very attractive women. If I hadn’t gotten myself in great shape, figured out how to dress well, AND known how to create automatic attraction systems I never would have met near the number of women that I have. They never would have approached me. Look, this isn’t a book about diet, exercise, or changing your body type. However, I will highly recommend two books that can really put you on the path to being in attractive physical shape: 1. Body Rx by Dr. Scott Connelly. This book is incredibly easy to read, and full of great advice for the “average guy.” Dr. Connelly reveals why you’re probably not eating enough food, and why you may be exercising too much. This book made a

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huge difference in my life, especially after I turned 30 and my metabolism slowed down. Dr. Connelly is over 50 years old, and is totally shredded. He’s a Medical Doctor (heart surgeon) as well, not someone with a PhD in English calling themselves a doctor. 2. Body for Life by Bill Phillips. This is the original book that got me into the EAS Body for Life Contest. Bill actually worked with Dr. Connelly many years ago, and then split off to form EAS, which he later sold for darn near $250 million. It’s a great book, easy to read and follow, and should be in everyone’s library. There are probably other books as well, but these two are all you need. You can get both of them at Amazon.com. When it comes to fitness websites there is only one I recommend, and that is www.MattFurey.com Matt has an unusual fitness system he calls “Combat Conditioning” and it has been used by famous wrestlers, football players and “tough-guy” martial artists to quickly and easily get into unbelievable shape. If you want to cut through all the hype and BS regarding fitness, I highly recommend Matt’s products. Just being in shape is an “automatic attraction system.” When you’re in great shape and you know it because you had to work for it, you carry yourself with great confidence and poise. You manifest a confident, intense, attractive energy, and at times this is enough to attract women to you without you even looking at them. People come talk to you because they want to be like you. Again I highly recommend www.MattFurey.com

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Chapter 7 How to be Unattractive to Someone You are NOT Attracted To

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Look, there are going to be times when a woman takes a chance and approaches you, and you’re just not attracted to her. For whatever reason, you don’t want them her your life. How do you appear as “unattractive” to her so they’ll leave you alone, yet won’t bad mouth you to others? This is actually pretty important, because even though you may not want her in your life, she can still have an effect on you either positively or negatively. I know several women like that… I personally don’t care much for them (usually it’s because they talk and talk and talk about things I know they nothing about), but don’t want them talking bad about me. In fact, I’d prefer they have good things to say about me, because you never know when they’ll introduce me to one of their friends. Once I’ve determined I’m not attracted to a woman, I minimize any conversation with her. I’m polite, but very brief. I don’t ask them questions (because I know they’ll start talking and won’t shut up), and I don’t initiate any conversation with them. Usually the worst they have to say about me is. “I don’t know him very well. He’s polite, but not very talkative.” They have no idea if I like them or not, and I try to keep it that way. I don’t bear them any ill will, I just don’t want them in my life, in any way, positive or negative. So, I don’t initiate conversation, I keep any conversation I do have brief, yet polite, and I don’t badmouth them publicly. If a trusted friend or associate asks me my opinion in private I’ll give it to them, but never in public. One thing you never, ever want to do is embarrass someone in public. If you want to make an enemy for life, embarrass someone in front of group of people. That’s the worst thing you will ever do, and they will go out of their way to make your life miserable. There’s an old saying that is very, very true today, “Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.” Boy, that’s good advice. People may not be your friend forever, but if you give them a reason to hold a grudge, they’ll hold it for a long, long time. Now that certainly doesn’t mean you have to try to make everyone like you. Not at all—if you stand for something, and become known as an attractive person, some people will dislike you because they are jealous. That’s OK, and part of life. What you don’t want is to go out of your way to piss people off and make enemies out of people who should be your friends. That’s a sure way to become unattractive to everyone.

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Chapter 8 Summary of Step by Step Natural Attraction Process

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1. Make sure you are properly dressed, and work on getting yourself in good physical shape. 2. Write down the characteristics of the type of woman you’d like to meet so you can immediately begin qualifying any woman who approaches you 3. Put an “automatic attraction system” to work for you 4. After she’s approached you, deepen that attraction, and get a commitment for the next meeting 5. At the next meeting, “Warm Up” first, then deepen the attraction 6. Pay close attention to her, and make sure she fits the characteristics you look for in a woman. If at any point she doesn’t, politely end the date and move onto the next one. 7. Steer the conversation toward the subject of attraction, eliciting what she finds attractive in a man 8. Tell her your “romantic attraction story.” Ask her to tell you hers. 9. Verbally validate her story, then get her to ask you to tell her your “racy story” 10. Get her to tell you her “racy story.” Be sure to anchor her whenever she reexperiences a positive emotion 11. Kiss her as soon as the opportunity permits, but before the “goodbye.” 12. If she qualifies to spend more time with you, extend the coffee meeting, keeping in mind to get a commitment for her to meet you again at a specific time and place 13. Meet her at the specified time and place and “close the deal.”

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Chapter 9 Books You Should Read and Websites You Should Visit

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There’s an old saying that goes “School’s never out for the Pro.” If you’re going to get anywhere in life, you are going to need to persuade others. And persuasion (in a gentle way) is really what this book has been all about. To that end, I’d like to give you the names of some books, and some websites you should check out that have really helped my persuasion skills…. I think they will do the same for you. Books Influence, the Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwarz How I Raised Myself from Failure to Success in Selling by Frank Bettger The Ultimate Sales Letter by Dan Kennedy (available at www.kimble-kennedy.com) Winning Through Intimidation by Robert Ringer Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill Scientific Advertising/My Life in Advertising by Claude Hopkins The True Believer by Eric Hoffer Tested Advertising Methods by John Caples The Closers, edited by Ben Gay III Websites www.kimble-kennedy.com www.speed-seduction.com www.doubleyourdating.com www.marketingtips.com www.RonLeGrand.com

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