July 10, 2017 | Author: Matt King | Category: Nature
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The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome HVHS TUBA SECTION


In this guide you will find great treasures and tales of pure 100% awesomeness. Do not let this guide fall into the hands of evil. Always remember what Bob Evans said: “Nothing but perfection, from the sousaphone section!”


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

Table of Contents

Rules of Tuba section ………………………………………………………… 5

Tuba Moves .……………………………………………………………………… 7

The Band Nerd/The Tale of Dinobot ………………………………… 10

Shouted Phrases ……………………………………………………………… 15

Getting Pumped Before A Game ……………………………………… 18

The Eating of the Banana ………………………………………………… 19

Music ……………………………………………………………………………… 20

Epilogue/Final Statements ………………………………………………


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

Dedicated to Dave Mustaine, Bob Evans, Optimus McPrimal, Dinobot, and of course all member past, present, and future of the tuba section.


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

RULES OF TUBA SECTION 1. Don’t talk about tuba section 2. Don’t talk about tuba section 3. Tuba section doesn’t exist 4. Don’t take anybody seriously 5. No Cursing… ‘seriously’ 6. Do not listen to any rules 7. Be the best section and get pizza 8. Rule #4 does not apply if they are being serious 9. Do as little as possible 10. Hate flutes 11. Regarding rule #9, Don’t get caught 12. Be badass 13. FSU University (no typo) 14. Don’t be a Vagina 15. Make assumations 16. Fight for Dave Mustaine even thought its always his fault 17. Remember Dinobot, REMEMBER HIM! 34. There is porn of it


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

EXPLAINATION OF THE RULES Rules #1 – 3 are the tuba section variant of the first three rules of the internet, they are a joke. Please do talk about the tuba section and spread the word of our supremacy. Rule #4 states to take no one seriously but as rule #7 states that the rule does not apply when someone is being serious. This is obviously a contradiction, in due time you will learn when the rule applies and when it doesn’t. Rule #5: no one really gives a shit. Rule #6 states not to listen to any rules. This is paradox/contradiction as you will discover tuba section is full of bullshit, but tuba section is not based on bullshit. Rule #7: be the best. Eat pizza. Simple enough. (although as a note this comes for the 2010 year when the tuba section was placed as the best section and was rewarded with pizza while everyone else had to do block) Rule #8 has already been explained. Rule #9 says to do as little as possible, but don’t actually do this. Be the best section. Rule #10: always hate the bitchy shitty sounding pussy ass flutes. (but never on a personal level) Rule #11: is you do decide to do as little as possible, DON’T GET CAUGHT! Rule #12 states to be badass. This should come with the job. Rule #13 Fuck Shit Up University, Hell yeah! Rule #14 is in no way discriminating against women, but is arguable the most important rule, next to #11, DO NOT be a wimp/pussy/tool/asshole/dick or beatings/rapings/torture/ridicule will occur. Rule #15 is a joke because a certain person could not think of the word “assumption” and instead used the non-existent word “assumation.” It was funny. Rule #16: Fight for him! (also make sure to pronounce it msTANE) Rule #17 Remember Dinobot! He died for us twice! TWICE!! (from the show “Beast Wars”) Rule #34: Good ‘ole rule 34. No matter what you can think of there will be porn of some sort on the subject.


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

TUBA MOVES USED DURING CADENCES Tuba Humps Tuba humps are an essential part of cadence dances. The move is performed by pivoting the sousaphone forward using your shoulder as an axis. While at the same time slightly bending at the waist, then proceed to bring the sousaphone down while thrusting forward from the hips, essentially “humping” the sousaphone.

Swings Equally as important as tuba humps are swings. Performed by simply rotating left and right at the hips “swinging” the sousaphone back and forth.

Circles While grabbing the sousaphone, move the sousaphone around in quick, small “circles.”

Lifts Lit the bottom of the sousaphone, pivoting at the shoulder, so the sousaphone is approximately parallel with the ground and perpendicular with your body. (the angle is usually less than parallel with the ground)

Knee Bends This one is simple. Bend at the knees in time with the music.

Shoulder Flip Pivot the sousaphone sideways on your left shoulder until it is completely flipped so that the bell is toward the ground and the body is straight up. (used to carry the tuba for cool visual effect but isn’t the most comfortable position)

Right Shoulder


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

Not really used during cadences, but is used to relieve weight from your left shoulder. Simply lift the sousaphone from where it rests on your shoulder and lift it over your head and onto your right shoulder


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

WARNING: The following story may be too cool for any nontuba section member to handle. Proceed with caution.


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

The Band Nerd The Band Nerd’s Tale There was a war long ago There are only a few who know It happened on this very planet When two forces landed on it The Maximals were the good guys Fighting greed, theft, and lies They were led by Optimus Primal Fearless leader so very powerful Wisdom and logic over feelings Showed respect to even inferior beings He had loyal friends under him too I will name quite a few Rhinox, the very intelligent one Technology savvy and had a big gun Dinobot, a true warrior Strongly followed a code of honor Tigatron, the quite scout Nature is what he knew all about Rat Trap, detonation expert The comic relief when one is hurt Cheetor, the fastest one Loyal until his lifetime is done Airazor, another scout There is nothing she knows not about Each of these Maximals were important A variety of abilities were existent They were used against Predacons in war Led by Megatron, evil to the core Bent upon conquering the galaxy Thinks he can claim what he can see His treacherous crew had names like Inferno, Tarantulas, and Quickstrike Plus Terrorsaur and Blackarachnia too Their creating calamity is nothing new Energon is the best to power war It’s what they came looking for The only thing that is in their way Are the Maximals, saving the day

(1a: Dinobot –Photo drawn by: Chris Bates-)

There once was a band nerd With the loudest tuba to be heard He can blast scales F and B-flat Even on the electric bass that He plays like the great Cliff Burton There will never be one similar again The band nerd has dark thin hair Reaches down to his shoulders somewhere Average height and very thin Covered with pale white skin Blue jeans and a Megadeath shirt And tennis shoes yellow with dirt Important to the marching band he is in Leader of the sousaphone section He can tell funny jokes so insane But he knows when to restrain His section’s humor is very dirty Balls, masturbation, and a tuggie But he can also be very mature too Fixing problems he did not have to The band nerd told a tale of unity All he leads hear the story Working together to obtain perfection Is the goal of the sousaphone section If everyone plays their parts We will win the audiences’ hearts The tale tells of great wars Robots and those on all fours One depends too much on his own skills Instead of trusting what his leader feels

Then one day the Maximals learned Of a golden disk with power burned Megatron had and used to see The future that was far and soon to be If wanted it could be used to kill If that is the owner’s will And knowing Megatron like they did From him Primal said “It must be hid” If it was in a Maximal’s hand


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome There’d be less danger in this land Optimus thought hard and planed Assigning task for his battle ready band The plan was a great offensive storm If each part’s Maximal performed But Dinobot was filled with anger The early humans were in danger So he disobeyed Primal’s order He went across the Predacon border His emotion circuits were red hot Megatron he would allow not To cause the world anymore harm Held his sword parallel to his arm

Asking “Is your metal ready to be bent?” Dinobot was so offended by the dare “A warrior still” he said with a glare He jumped before Quckstrike’s answer As fast as Cheetor could move, I swear And he crushed the Predacon’s metal As if it were a frail flower’s petal Next was Blackarachnia and Tarantulas They told him “You can’t handle us,” But Dinobot was a quick thinker He knew how to dodge danger Going behind Blackarachnia he went And bullets their way were sent By Tarantulas’ merciless rapid fire gun The fight with Blackarachnia was done So the he-spider was the only one left Dinobot punched his chin’s cleft And though his energy was running low His sword still gave the final blow After which his internal computer complained “This violence can’t be farther sustained Stop now, have your energy replenished” Dinobot did not care, his job was finished There was nothing more the spiders could do Now to deal with Megatron too

(2a: Megatron -Photo taken from the internet-)

As he walked, he noticed fire The situation was dire Predacons were burning the trees Early humans fell to their knees With the disk, Megatron saw this Humans ruling the world he claimed his The plan was an obvious one Eliminate his enemy while having fun Didn’t even try to use his gun Let the fire take father and son So executing the offensive all alone Was Dinobot, on his own

(2b: Blackarachnia –Photo drawn by: Chris Bates-)

Megatron was only cycles ahead Increasing the number of the dead Found him talking to his self as usual Thinking that he was so cool Noticing Dinobot’s courage early He trapped an early human firmly Threatening to blast its brain End the future human reign Which he saw with the disk of gold In his hand with a firm hold Dinobot tried to steal with force Even with a low energy source His earlier fights had drained him His internal computer warned him

About the time it became night Quickstrike was the first to fight Using all the evil in his Spark Quickstrike lunged from the dark Forcing his fist into Dinobot’s back Dinobot could not attack His sword was far from his grip No other weapon at his hip Then of course Quickstrike started mocking “What’s a warrior with no weapon for fighting?” Then said more with his southern accent


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome Stasis lock is now inevitable This is to be your last battle Dinobot thrust his sword forward Megatron reacted stepping backward Then he shot the sword away Quite convinced he had won that day But Dinobot could improvise Merging stick and stone he realized He could assemble a hammer Using the resources nearer The hammer smashed his enemy Megatron won’t have the victory Out of his hands came the disk of gold And Dinobot did something so bold He used the last of his energy Sacrificed his life for victory A final beam of energy from within Was used so the Maximals could win Dinobot destroyed the golden disk Even with his life at risk As Dinobot lie down dying The Maximals came flying Optimus Primal and the rest Landing to a sight they detest A fallen comrade down alone Everyone’s faces hardened like stone He lived a warrior and died a hero But why did he have to go If they worked together They could have won for sure

Not only that, but also mix With the greatest of Cybertron He saved the locals from Megatron We shall never forget his tale Never will our memories fail” Then while everyone listened A lesson to learn Primal mentioned “Dinobot was a great warrior But this cost he need not suffer If the original strategy ran If we stuck to the original plan We would not have had to say goodbye Dinobot didn’t have to die Everything I do is for a reason Every detail found within my plan We have to stick together always No one really knows the future days Together we operate our best This whole war has been a test I’m well aware of what you can do I also know how to use that too I am the leader to whom you report Anywhere, in or out of our fort”

(3b: Remember Dinobot –YOU BETTER!-)

We can learn from this story I’ll explain so you can see To the marching band this can be applied No don’t laugh, I have not lied The Director is the brain of the band We are the body, leg, arm, and hand Using his observance and experience Also his superior musical sense Without him we are with no directions Independent people in our sections The parts of the body can’t act alone Nor the skin or the bone We need the director to enlighten

(3a: Optimus Primal –“Our fearless leader”-)

A eulogy Primal had to give Because Dinobot would not live “May his spark join the Matrix


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome Each song our understanding brighten So surrender your independent thought Do your part and success will be brought The time for fun as always erupts But for now listen, do as he instructs Remember Him

Optimus McPrimal is the name of McCollum I think he knows, but I never told him Use your names to remember the tale Like Optimus said do not fail Now think back to our Band Camp days Remember Bob Evans and his phrase Remember the truth he had said The words I’m blessed to have in my head Nothing but perfection From the sousaphone section!

Sousaphones I give a new name No one is to be the same I am now called Dinobot The name Eric Yohe is not Rhinox is your name Matt King For your technological understanding Chris Bates is now Tigatron Because he is the quite one Zabo you are to be Quick Strike For being so southern like Since Noah Daroshefski wants Tarantulas bad That’s fine, no one is sad Tyler Blankenship is dark and sexy So Blackarachnia is what he will be Justin Pile is now Airazor, I guess He says okay, so it is a yes Of this decision I am sure Aaron Doyle is now Cheetor Everyone knows the reason for Matt Meyers becomes Rat Trap and There are others in the band Kevin Hickman and Daniel Vieth or The Predacons Megatron and Terrorsuar Brandon Lou is a Pred called Waspinator Jake Moles is Rampage, I’ll tell why later

(4a: No one will truly comprehend the awesomeness of this picture. - NO ONE!-)


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

Take a moment of silence and remember Dinobot.

"Tell my tale to those who ask. Tell it truly, the ill deeds along with the good and let me be judged accordingly. The rest is silence." – Dinobot’s Final words


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

Shouted Phrases It is not uncommon for the sousaphone section to shout funny, weird, and sometimes offensive phrases during football games. Some prime examples:


Sousaphones - HAVE BIG BELLS!*

Football! – Sports!*

Tigatrons Balls!

Dave Mustaine – FIGHT FOR HIM!*

We’ve got balls!

Girugamesh! * - signifies a ‘call – response’ phrase.


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

Come up with phrases we strongly encourage you to write your own here. Phrases usually just happen naturally, those are usually the best.

___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ 16

The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

Continued from previous page

___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ 17

The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

Getting pumped before a game Before a game starts it is tradition to get the section pumped up. To do so gather the section in a circle jump up and down (make sure the sousaphones are on at this time) yelling and shouting then one person will shout something to yell on three such as “hands in!, TWO ON THREE!” The person will then count off “ONE!, TWO!, THREE!” then the rest of the section will shout “TWO!!” while throwing their hands up.

Tips - Make sure everyone is in the circle - Ridicule anyone who tells you to stop, especially if they are on flags, drill team, flutes, or trumpet section -make the thing to shout something funny


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

The Eating of the Banana The eating of the banana before a game is a divine right passed down from year to year to the most experienced member of the sousaphone section. If anyone tells you otherwise show them this and tell them that Eric Yohe and Matt King will personally come and grape them in the mouth. The tradition is to take the banana after everyone has touched it and peel it from the bottom (very important). You will then proceed to deep throat the banana as far as you can into your mouth and bite it. Now chew and swallow. If anyone should forget to touch the banana and you have already eaten it then there are different measures to be taken. Fist offense –They must rub the belly of the one who ate the banana. Second offense – the offender must stick their finger into the anus of the holder of the divine right. (Luckily this has not happened of no one remembers the number of times they forgot) Third offence and beyond – No solution has been come up with. Use your imagination


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

Music Here are the two songs you will never get music to, but need to know.


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

Fingering chart This might help


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome

Epilogue/Final Statements To all sousaphone section member of the past, present, and future, take this guide and use it to remain the most badass section. Never fall to the section that doesn’t matter. Remember Dinobot, and fight for Dave Mustaine. Remember to girugamesh to the right, not the left. And remember Bob Evan’s quote “Nothing but perfection, from the sousaphone section!”

(How to giuramesh correctly ^)


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome


The Sousaphone Section: Guide to Being Awesome


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