RSD Nation Pick UP Fundamentals

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Pick Up Fundamentals

Quitessence Of RSDNATION Ebook Series


© 2002-2012 Real Social Dynamics Inc. All Rights Reserved.


Pick Up Fundamentals

About The Author

Ryan® randomly met RSD Executive Coach Jeffy at a London night club several years ago and asked him for advice about how to attract a particular girl. That small bit of advice Jeffy gave him lead to Ryan®'s success with the girl and many other beautiful women as well. One year after this encounter, Ryan® was browsing prospective roommates and apartments online in the San Francisco area. By sheer coincidence, RSD Coach Jeffy was one of the advertisements that Ryan® followed up with and later toured. Jeffy became impressed with Ryan® and invited him to be his roommate. Over the next couple of years, Ryan® was taught the intricacies of attraction and dating while going out night after night with Jeffy as his personal wingman. After graduating from a university, Ryan® worked for an internet start-up company in the Bay Area. However, he found that his true passion was self-discovery, travel, and dating beautiful women while spending time alongside Jeffy at every corner of the globe. He impressed the rest of the RSD Instructor Staff so much that Tyler invited him to embark on an intensive world-wide Executive Coach training program. Today he still travels the world, but as an official RSD Executive Coach throughout North America, Europe, and Australia. He has a contagious passion for the dynamics of attraction and infectious charisma that allows clients to achieve the results they want and beyond with the women they desire.


Pick Up Fundamentals

Table Of Contents

About The Author Foreword I'd Rather Be Weird Than Lonely Chapter 1 Inner Game Fundamentals 1.1Positivity and the Abundance Frame 1.2Experience Over Arm-Chair Theorizing Chapter 2 Outer Game Fundamentals The Looks Issue

2.1Expressivity: The Most Effective Way to Make

Yourself More Physically Attractive

Quick Fix

2.2Beginner Sticking Points - Where Most Rookies Get


The How To

2.3An Outline Of The Method - Forward Motion

Direction and Derailment


Pick Up Fundamentals

The Open

2.4A Guide To Blowout-Free OpeningStepping Up: g or

Go Home

Mid Game

2.5Stepping Up: Go Big or Go Home

Mid Game

2.6On Polarity: Bringing Down the Hammer

Mid Game

2.7The Art of the Spin: The Centerpiece of My Verbal


Mid Game

2.8Cut the Chodeversation: Anatomy of a Spike

Mid Game

2.9Using Pauses to Amp the Vibe - Silence is Golden

Mid Game

2.10Sexual Tension – What It Is and When To Use It

Mid Game

2.11Progressive Physical Escalation

Mid Game

2.12Overdriven Escalation Stacking

Mid Game

2.13Qualification – Where it Stands in a Game 2.0

End Game

2.1410 Easy Steps for Text Message Success

End Game

2.15Pull Down – Pulling to Close10 Easy Steps for Text


Message Success

Chapter 3 Self-Actualization Fundamentals 3.1Treating Yourself Like You Value Yourself Other FREE RSD Products


Pick Up Fundamentals

Foreword: I’ d Rather Be Weird Than Lonely In RSD we have a rite of passage for all instructors – a sort of initiatory right – The Eurotour. During this ordeal, the instructor is shipped out to Europe for a period of several months, during which time he lives and teaches in a different city every week. The Eurotour is both incredibly difficult as well as incredibly demanding, both professionally and personally. On a personal level, it forces the instructor to live in a state of perpetual change and continual culture shock. In addition, the instructor is deprived of anything but micro-term social bonds as every time he meets someone he is soon after shipped to a new city. As a result, the instructor’ s game is propelled to new levels as the instructor is literally forced to develop an extreme level of internal centeredness. Having returned to the U.S. after completing my own Eurotour I myself was predictably excited about prospect of settling down and building something that would resemble a normal life – one with friends, perhaps a girlfriend, and an ecosystem. It didn’ t take long however for me to realize I’ d face a new obstacle that I’ d never had to deal with before – Approach Anxiety. While on the Eurotour I had the comfort of anonymity to assuage any nervousness I had when approaching – as a result I’ d merrily perform even the most seemingly bold and daring social feats. I could easily rationalize away any anxiety – “ well even if I make a complete idiot of myself, I’ m moving on to a new country on Monday anyway – what have I got to lose… ” Now that I’ m back and making a home for myself, having lost the consequence free environment of the Eurotour has indeed added a slight twinge at the thought of opening – a little voice that says “ careful Ryan, play it safe, you’ re gonna be seeing a lot of these people again so don’ t make a fool of yourself” . AS IF everyone in the bar or store is aware 5

Pick Up Fundamentals of me, watching me, waiting for me to embarrass myself. I can go into all 101 reasons why this fear is irrational and unfounded, but the fact is it’ s

there and it’ s something a lot of us face. What I think is most interesting is the fact that I never used to feel this – sure I’ d feel maybe a pinch of anxiety when approaching a hottie, but never enough to deter me. So then, why is it that before the Eurotour I was able to open without so much as batting an eyelash, and in Europe I had no qualms with being an opening machine – yet upon arriving home I found myself faced with almost paralyzing anxiety? The answer is, in Europe I never had to face the anxiety – I was essentially able to rationalize it away under the umbrella of anonymity. Back in the US, not only did I not have perceived anonymity to hide behind, but I essentially hadn’ t faced anxiety for a period of months. As a result, I’ d atrophied my ability to challenge my comfort zone and allowed myself to get used to simply doing and not doing what I ‘ felt like’ . As a result, my entire thought process changed on an everyday level. Whereas before Europe on seeing a girl my brain would simply say “ Girl… hot girl… Go” , after Europe the process became “ Girl… oh she’ s not even that hot… plus she’ s on the phone… ah that guy near her must be her boyfriend… I shoulda gelled my hair today… ” basically rationalizing all the reasons why not to approach. I knew all the reasons why approach anxiety is ridiculous and irrational, and how our comfort zone can be likened to physical flexibility in that it expands when actively stretched. Still though, when faced with the prospect of opening the cute girl shopping for organic produce at Whole Foods I’ d immediately become aware of everyone else around me, the other shoppers, the guy restacking the apples, the girl doing inventory of celery, and the thoughts would follow – “ what if they think I’ m weird… what if they tell me not to shop here any more” . It seemed no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, all the reasoning in the world couldn’ t snap me out of the stagnation - until one night while climbing in bed alone I had an epiphany. I’ d Rather Be Weird than Lonely. And it hit me. I could continue down the path I was on… no attention would be drawn to me… no one would stop to watch as I opened strangers, no store employees would see 6

Pick Up Fundamentals me meeting girls… I could completely blend in if I wanted to. But I knew, if I didn’ t want to stand out when it came to opening, I’ d never stand out when it came to closing either.

So I asked myself – would I rather be weird or lonely? Would I rather be “ That Guy” at the grocery store that chatted up the hottie and have a hot girl in my bed, or be the invisible guy at the grocery store and sleep alone? The answer was clear. I told myself ‘ people are gonna look at me… GOOD’ . I’ ll be judged as “ that guy… well fuck it… I AM THAT GUY” . I’ m also ‘ THAT GUY’ that left the party to hook up with multiple-girls, ‘ THAT GUY’ left the club with the stripper, ‘ THAT GUY’ that got caught after he pulled to the bathroom… So bring it on… if people think I’ m weird than so-be-it, that’ s something I’ m willing to accept. Just don’ t come to me and say “ mannn, I wish I could get girls like that” when in reality you never gave yourself a chance – never took the first step. Let go of what other people might think about you, recognize that to accel in this game you will become polarizing. Embrace it, roll with it, and decide what’ s important to you. As for me…

yeah, I’ ll keep being ‘ that guy’ …


Pick Up Fundamentals

Chapter 1 Inner Game Fundamentals


Pick Up Fundamentals

Positivity and the Abundance Frame The other day when walking down the street I came upon an interesting situation… I arrived at a crossing and joined a crowd of around 15 people waiting for the green light indicating it’ s appropriate to walk. I stepped to the curb and looked left – no cars… looked right – no cars… and strolled across the street. The crowd hesitated for a moment then followed my lead, about 10 people crossed and 5 waited another minute for the light to change. Of the 10 that crossed, I had an interesting realization… all were thinking the same thing but none wanted to be the first to cross, to take the responsibility of first action. So instead all 10 stood there, paralyzed by inaction, following the lead of others. I again was reminded how much we all live to avoid individual responsibility and how much we seek the comfort found in following the lead of others. This principal forms the basis for the idea of social proof – essentially if a girl sees other girls attracted to you she assumes it’ s for good reason and quickly finds herself attracted to you… naturally following the lead of others. Beyond social proof: We are constantly pinging, looking for subtle cues to indicate how others in the past have behaved. So for instance, if you were to say hi to a girl then cringe and protect your head, the girl might naturally assume that in the past saying ‘ hi’ to a girl got you slapped. And on the flip side, if you say ‘ hi’ with a big smile on your face, the girl will likely assume that the last time you said ‘ hi’ to a girl good emotions were served your way. So to the girl in that situation unsure how to react, she essentially looks for cues from you to indicate how others in the past have reacted, clues to the kind of life you lead – giving her a lead to follow. This is why we stress the abundance mentality – essentially girls follow 9

Pick Up Fundamentals the lead of others and continue feeding the abundance in your life. So then, as you initiate an action your expectations project outwardly, to a huge extent determining the results you get back. This happens on a 1-to-1 basis as shown in the ‘ hi’ example – you say ‘ hi’ and smile – girl assumes others have reacted positively in the past and thus reacts positively. When we talk about the abundance frame however – we’ re going beyond a 1-to-1 correlation by indicating our life experience beyond 1-to-1 interactions. It’ s no coincidence that there’ s a strong correlation between guys who are positive and guys who get laid. Put simply, your attitude is a girl’ s first insight into your reality – it lets the girl know what kind of life you’ ve led and whether you come from a position of abundance or a position of scarcity. Every situation is viewed through a lens of our own choosing… those that come from a place of positive reference experiences generally adopt positive frames… those with negative experiences do the opposite. Consider this example – you arrive at a club to find the entry line stretching down the block. In front of you in line are 2 cute girls. You turn to your mate and say: “ Great, I told you we should have left earlier…

look at this line, we’ re never gonna get in…

What you’ ve communicated here is: “ I’ ve been turned away from clubs many times… things in the past have a way of NOT working out for me which is why I worry about things like getting to the club early.” Beyond that, you’ re indicating your value in relation to your friend’ s value – “ I told you we should have… ” means you’ re operating on your friend’ s timetable rather than your own. As a result, girls think: Chode. Now let’ s take the flip-side…

You arrive to find the long line…

“ Alright awesome! Looks like it’ s gonna be a crazy party inside.” And in an instant you’ ve communicated that life has been good to you… that things work out for you. That you’ ve never experienced being turned away from a club and that you come from a life of abundance. Your reality is attractive and all the sudden it becomes a reality the girl wants to be a part of. 10

Pick Up Fundamentals

The fact is, both realities are accurate – waiting in a long line does suck, and a long line IS usually indicative of a good party. Which reality you choose to acknowledge – or which lens you peer through is fully under your own control. So when a drink gets spilled on you at the club, you can either say “ god damn it… this is gonna stain, it’ s an expensive shirt, what an asshole” . OR, you can say “ Haha nice… It’ s crazy hot in here, a cold drink down my back is exactly what I needed… ” In either case your shirt is still wet… so the choice is yours, you can either be the guy in a stained shirt standing alone, or the guy in a stained shirt with a girl. In the end just remember, your lens – your ability to positively reframe – is the biggest insight you give people into your previous life experience. And since everyone is looking to follow the lead of others… let them know that your life experience has been a good one.


Pick Up Fundamentals

Experience Over Arm-Chair Theorizing Taken from RSDNation's Forums: “ What's the best way to deal with _______” “ Should one_______ and just_______, and how does one set this up?” “ It would seem that _______” And my personal favorite: “ Is it the kiss of death when a girl _______” These phrases are necessitated by action; they are evidence that the guy is actually out, piecing the puzzle together, developing reference points and experience. And when they do post online they get either affirmations or contrary opinions, further shaping their understanding. On the flip side, you’ ve got the “ what does it mean when she… ” and the “ My friend told me that… ” Straight up – plain and simple, this is a defeatist mindset. And even worse, you notice a pattern forming, a question like this is usually followed by another… and another… and then we get into advanced keyboard jockeying… As if this guy is gonna get ALL his questions checked off then be like “ ok, yep, time to go out and pimp” *rolls eyes*. Guys, unfortunately there’ s a necessary truth anyone hoping to get this skill set needs to accept – No One Can Win This Game For You. There is no substitute for experience. So then, a change in mindset is necessary – and here it is: Next time you find yourself slipping into abstract fantasy land, like maybe “ It would seem like if you approach too direct the girl will then have no reason to get to know you” – stop yourself. Really, shut the fuck up, and follow this rule: The next words that come out of your mouth must be “ In my experience… ” . If you’ re able to string together a coherent thought with a modicum of intelligence behind it – great, you’ re on the right track. 12

Pick Up Fundamentals If not, stop what you’ re doing immediately, approach a girl, and get confirmation on your “ it would seem that” so that it then becomes an “ in my experience” . By this point, half of you are nodding like “ yeah, that’ s right” and some of you are inevitably

thinking “ But isn’ t it efficient to learn from the mistakes of others and to get feedback from those more experienced than you?” The answer is – Yes, BUT, wisdom without reference experience is WORTHLESS. So if we’ re talking about escalation and you’ re the guy saying “ well I’ ve heard that” … bad news: you don’ t even qualify to begin learning escalation until you’ ve first gone out, tried it, fucked it up, tried some more, then fucked it up some more. Only then will you even begin to benefit from all the “ Club Game and Sexual Escalation” posts you so dedicatedly submerge yourself in. And guess what – when you do post “ Funny thing happened last night that I’ d love to get feedback on” – the quality of feedback you get is actually much higher because those who know what they’ re talking about actually recognize that you’ re a man of action. Thing is, pretty quickly you’ ll realize that it’ s actually more efficient to just go out and fill in the blanks on your own. Take individual responsibility and get out there and actually DO. And if once you’ ve actually gone out and DONE, if you still disagree, then you can comment… just make sure it starts with “ in my experience” .


Pick Up Fundamentals

Chapter 2 Outer Game Fundamentals


Pick Up Fundamentals

Expressivity: The Most Effective Way to Make Yourself More Physically Attractive Let’ s talk about the single easiest and most effective way to make yourself more physically attractive – instantly! In fact, if there’ s one thing I could instantly change in my students to get them creating more physical attraction from “ hello” – this would be it… I’ m talking, of course, about EXPRESSIVITY – both facial and body.

Seriously, if used properly, expressivity can take you from a solid 5 to a 7 on the looks scale – or 6 to 8 – or 6.5 to … well you get the point. Ok, on average, how long would you say you look at a photograph? 2 seconds? 3 seconds ? And on the flip side, how long on average do you stare at your television? Simply put – adding MOVEMENT to your interaction is how you go about creating a VISUAL EXPERIENCE for the girl. It keeps her wanting to look at you… it makes you LOOK CHARISMATIC! 15

Pick Up Fundamentals

Up until this past weekend I’ ve had the hardest of times getting students to introduce this oh so simple change into their interactions… it was like ramming my head into a wall – I’ d tried everything, even going as far as standing behind the student literally controlling his arms to make accompanying gestures complimentary to whatever he’ s saying. Still, no dice… Until this past weekend, when I remembered a trip I’ d taken to Israel, enter epiphany. *Begin Tangent* Being somewhat ‘ Arab-looking’ , one can imagine the predictable skepticism I was faced with when que-ing at the velvet rope of crowded Tel Aviv nightclubs. Club after club greeted me with the same single word (in Hebrew) : Weapon. Usually something to the effect of: Bouncer: Weapon? Me: Huh? Bouncer: Where’ s your knife? Where’ s your gun?? Me: Uhhhh, I don’ t have one. Bouncer: You’ re American? Me: Yeah Bouncer: Ohhhhhh, ok yes, please, come right in! *End Tangent* This experience proved useful this past weekend when my student absolutely refused to take his arms from his side while in set. It reminded me of that Seinfeld episode with Raquel Welch. The guy understood the concept of physical expressivity on a practical level – but just had the toughest time adjusting his behavior in set. Then it occurred to me (we’ ll call him Tom)… Me: Ok Tom, here’ s the deal. Every girl you approach, you need to imagine that she’ s airport security, and you’ ve gotta show her that you’ ve got no knife on you. I proceed in mock disarming gestures… “ See, no knife in this hand… no knife in the other hand… nothing up my sleeves either… look, check my back pockets – no knife… from now on when talking to a girl you must at all times be asking yourself ‘ what am I doing to show her that I haven’ t got a knife?’ ” 16

Pick Up Fundamentals

Something clicked in Tom, he got it. And while his next couple interactions looked almost shifty, if not comical, the girls were responding. A few minutes later, with the Lonely Island hit “ I’ m On A Boat” blazing over the sound system, Tom stood lip-locked with a cutie in purple… (still alternating palms out, weaponless ;-) Bottom line is, I know not a single person that’ s good with girls that is not both very animated facially, as well as physically. While facial animation can take a little bit longer to dial – the physical is an instant-fix, and I promise will yield immediate tangible results. Just remember – where’ s your knife? Not in your left hand… not in your right… Have fun with it !


Pick Up Fundamentals

Beginner Sticking Points - Where Most Rookies Get Stuck Doing bootcamp week-in and week-out, it doesn’ t take long to notice some clear patterns in guys who are new to the game – simple mistakes guys make that can be fixed in a snap. Below are a few of the most common sticking points I see in beginners that can be easily addressed and once in order will definitely lead to noticeably better results. 1. Approach Scanning This takes place before the approach even happens… the guy scans the room looking for a girl to talk to, sees a girl he’ s attracted to, then comes up with all the reasons why not to approach. “ She’ s with a guy… she’ s too tall… she’ s in a bad mood” . Well, you miss 100% of the shots you don’ t take, so instead of seeking out all the reasons why not to approach, let your thought process be this: “ Girl… Hot Girl… Get Hot Girl.” 2. The Decaying Orbit Here we’ ve got a guy who’ s decided to approach, but instead of making a straight line to his target and opening dominantly, he instead sort of circles around – gradually edging in and finally trying to initiate with a timid tap. YUK. When I see a girl I want, I am A MAN ON A MISSION. Nothing will come between me and her, and she knows it. Move dominantly and with purpose… let her see you’ re a man who goes after what he wants… a man who grabs the proverbial bull by the horns. 3. The Far Talker Any guesses as to what distance you want to be when talking to girls (in a club)? The answer is about 1 head length… this is a LOT closer than you think. Get comfortable being close. 4. Going Interview Mode Game is expression of self. If the spotlight is on her then by default it means selfexpression is at a minimum. Go first – put yourself out there and let her follow your lead. 18

Pick Up Fundamentals So it’ s not “ What do you like to do?” instead go first and let her follow… “ I’ m really into snowboarding” will usually be followed by her reciprocating by telling you what she’ s into. Share your opinion… don’ t be some impartial reporter, let her know what you think “ that’ s really weird…

that reminds me of the time I…

” .

5. Growing Roots Guys, it’ s not “ let’ s stand here and talk for 2 hours then go back to mine.” It just doesn’ t work like that… it’ s more like “ Let’ s go to the bar… now let’ s go dance… now let’ s go chill… now let’ s go back to the bar… now let’ s go outside… now let’ s go chill… now let’ s grab something to eat… now let’ s go back to mine.” Get her into the habit of following you on the little things first, before you go for the big ones. This also leads into our next point. 6. Fighting Against the Current Look, if you’ re talking to a girl and you see her standing there with an empty drink I got news for you – she’ s gonna go to the bar at some point. You can only hold her in one place for so long before she gets thirsty. Likewise if a girl tells you she loves to dance… you’ re only going to be able to keep her on the sofa for so long before she leaves to go dance. If you see a girl glancing around to see where her friends are… she’ s going to want to find her friends no matter how charming you are. Instead of working against the current and trying to hold her, let her momentum work with you. Meaning, when I see a girl’ s drink is empty I say “ I’ m thirsty, come with me to the bar” . When you see a girl looking around to see where her friends are, pre-empt her walking off to find them – “ Hey, we haven’ t seen your friends in a while… let’ s go see where they went.” Really, what’ s she gonna say… ” No” ?? “ Fuck you” ??? 7. Spinning the Wheels Ok so you’ re at the club, girl is in a party mood and she REALLY likes you. Well, I don’ t care how interesting you are, you can only have a friendly conversation for so long before it gets BORING. Or, even worse, before she thinks you’ re a prude that’ s scared to escalate. This is SOOOO common, guy likes girl, girl likes guy… guy and girl talk for an hour… guy does nothing to escalate either physically or verbally, guy and girl go their separate ways. Girl concludes guy doesn’ t like her, feels insecure, develops eating disorder. 8. Filler Speak This is where the guy is scared to reveal himself and his own thoughts and feelings, so instead he seeks to fill the conversation using external stimulus, “ yeah the lighting in this bar is really cool… oh the DJ is pretty good tonight… yeah I’ m drinking a vodka tonic.” Quit hiding – say what’ s really on your mind. 19

Pick Up Fundamentals

9. Not Communicating Interest I’ ll make this simple. A girl won’ t like you until you like her. A girl doesn’ t know you like her until you TELL HER you like her. This can take place verbally or non-verbally – but if you have a problem with this make a resolution right now that the next 100 girls you talk to will get told either “ you’ re hot” , “ you’ re sexy” , or “ I like you” . PERIOD. NO EXCEPTIONS. 10. No Physicality Simply put, get VERY comfortable being physical. How? Just be VERY TOUCHY. Practice makes perfect… it’ s not rocket science. 11. Assuming It’ s Not On ARGH, I can’ t tell you how many times I’ ve seen a guy walk away from a girl that likes him only to say “ really? You think she was into me?” after I point out the obvious. Guys – if she’ s talking to you she’ s interested. It’ s that simple. To be clear – She is into you unless she makes it blatantly clear otherwise. 12. Ignoring the Friends Take a moment to introduce yourself and chat to her friends, this will make your job much easier down the line. 13. Not Trying for the Close Assume you’ re closing, get verification one way or the other. No exceptions. And lastly… 14. Giving a Fuck What Other People Think Repeat after me… ” I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK WHAT ANYONE THINKS ABOUT ME” . Good… now say it like you mean it.


Pick Up Fundamentals

An Outline Of The Method Forward Motion: Direction and Derailment While running bootcamp this past weekend I had some thoughts about forward motion actually moving a pick-up to the close rather than simply spinning your wheels or staying in set just for the sake of staying in set. So here goes… When I step to a girl, I’ ve got a clear idea where I want it to go and what needs to happen for me to get there. It’ s not a complex process, but the fact that I’ ve got it clearly outlined in my head keeps me on track and moving forward. Often I see guys stagnating or even moving backwards – simply aiming to keep themselves in front of the girl for as long as possible rather than working to progress in a given direction. So then, when I’ m out I’ ve got a VERY simple recipe that I know if I mix all the ingredients will get me a tasty result… The ingredients are as follows (not necessarily in this order). 1. Meet and begin interaction with girl. (Opening) 2. Show I’ m different from other guys – break the mold. (Through frame and subcommunications) 3. Establish flirt frame. (Through teasing, spiking, and IOIing) 4. Attract her. (Fluffing, vibing, sub-communicating and attracting) 5. Escalate physically and verbally. 6. Let her feel she’ s gotten to know me (Sometimes necessary, sometimes not) 7. Close See most guys do something like this; they go meet the girl (1), start getting her to like them (4), keep getting her to like them (4), maybe escalate a bit (5), then go back to (4) and stay there until it’ s “ it was nice meeting you” . The guy usually then switches over to (8 - turning to the internet for more attraction material) and (9 - complaining about how he can’ t close) – ignoring the glaring question of “ WHAT DID I DO TO PROGRESS TO THE CLOSE?” On the other hand, at a mastery level these pieces actually blend together – so for 21

Pick Up Fundamentals instance opening with a claw “ God you’ re gorgeous, I had to meet you, I’ m Ryan” if pulled

off right can take care of (1) (2) (3) (4) and a little bit of (5) all at once. Assuming my delivery here is perfect, it would actually be COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE to spend the next 10 mins in (3). Just like if you’ ve already made out with a girl you wouldn’ t go backwards and re-open the girl… If the girl already likes you and you’ re escalating it’ d be equally counter-productive to go back to “ attract her” (4). When I’ m out talking to a girl, my focus is not to flirt, not to attract, not to open… I’ m there to close. As such, I view all the other pieces as steps on the way to the close… I’ m not thinking “ what can I say to keep her talking to me” or “ I wonder if she likes me” … I’ m thinking “ I want to close.” . From there I do 1 of 2 things… I either escalate and try to close (5) and (7) – OR if experience and intuition tells me I can’ t I look back and say “ What’ s missing? What piece to I need to cover to get the close” . So then an interaction for me looks like (1) (2 – a little bit) (3) (5) (7 – doesn’ t work) (4) (7 – still not yet) (6) (7 – nope) (4) (7 – almost now) (2 – all the way now) (5) (7) Success. The whole time I’ m working for the close, actively trying for the close – and when the close doesn’ t happen I look back, consider which of the previous ingredients is lacking, add more of it, and try for (7) again. Trying for the close is a gauge for me, it lets me know if I’ m there now – if not it lets me know where I am, and it further tells me what’ s missing. Quick Tangent on Closing: Most guys aren’ t even going for the close… they think if they bounce around in (4) enough the close will magically happen – and even if they do go for the close they do so as a do-or-die move, they bounce around in (4) for an hour, try for (7), if it works great and if not they view it as a fail and give up trying. If you’ re always succeeding at the close on your first try it means you’ re not trying enough! Just like in basketball if your shooting 100%, it doesn’ t mean you’ re a great shooter… it means you’ re not taking enough shots! -End TangentThe whole interaction is constant forward motion… no time spent or action taken simply for the purpose of passing time – rather everything is intentional with a constant forward motion applied. 22

Pick Up Fundamentals This is why at this point in my game if you give me enough time with a girl there is honestly no way I can fail. If it’ s not on in 5 mins, give me 10. If after 10 I don’ t have it and you give me 10 more mins… I’ ll get it. And if I can’ t get it by then, give me 20 more and you can bet I’ ll have it. And when you think about it – if you’ ve got a working model and are moving forward there’ s NO REASON why ANY GUY should not be able to get ANY GIRL if given enough time. A PU is a journey from A to B… there’ s a clear direction to move in to get to your destination. Sure it’ s great to stop and smell the roses along the way but this ain’ t no flower walk, we’ re going somewhere so let’ s get moving on the way.


Pick Up Fundamentals

A Guide To Blowout-Free Opening Ok guys, here it is… a guide to successfully open and hook any set anywhere… To be clear, this is simply a guide to avoid being blown out. IMO you will get laid more by opening every set with high sexual energy...but you will also get blown out more. Eventually you learn to recognize when sexual state at the outset will work and when to tone it down. Until then, and for those not comfortable going purely sexual, this will get you into just about any set and will have girls asking you Indicators of Interest-question almost instantly. 1. Finding Your Target So for starters, the first thing is to find a target. Now, any girl is openable and receptive… but there are clear signs that she will or will not be receptive to your opening at that given moment. We are all told times to avoid opening such as when she’ s waiting for the bartender, on the dance floor, etc. (though these are debatable as many successful Pickups have happened in both these locations) – but it seems like there isn’ t much explanation of optimal times to open. This seems as good as any a place to begin… The easiest way to have your opener received favorably is to find a girl who will respond favorably to your opener (sounds simple right?). The most fool-proof way to do this is look at a group. There is usually a girl sitting on the outside leaning far in trying to listen or be included. Open her with the instructions that will come later and I promise she will receive you. On the flip-side, if you see 2 girls talking and they are leaning in close to each other (say they are seated and their heads are much closer than their asses) – its not that this set is un-openable, but you’ re better off opening at a later time when they aren’ t as engaged in the conversation. A few other examples of good times to open: – If her friend is at the bar buying drinks and she is standing idly by in the proximity looking around. – If she/they are looking around the room with their chin(s) up. – If she is standing/sitting still with an emotionless or uninviting look on her face. -If she looks bored.


Pick Up Fundamentals

2. Opening Dynamics Ok, so you see a Hot Babe you’ d like to meet/close, popular opinion is to not open her directly but to open the obstacle first. This is true most of the time by virtue of the fact that the HB is usually the center of attention anyway, but fact is, which group member you should approach has less to do with attractiveness and instead is more about which one will be more welcoming to you. Once you’ re in set in the group, its easy to switch your attention to the target (at the appropriate time). So we know who to approach and when – lets get down to the how… When approaching a group, approach the side of the girl you gauge to be most receptive. Gently touch her arm to get her attention, and proceed with a concise opener (not without grounding it – i.e. “ hey my friends and I are discussing ____ and I was wondering if I could get your opinion on _____. (Opener)” . Now as you run your opener, you’ ll notice the rest of the group giving you suspicious looks, as they should be. Solution: Run opener on Receptive Girl (RG), but before she has a chance to respond break eye contact with her and address group as whole with same question (like you’ re trying to include them in discussion. Again, before group has chance to respond, look back to RG for answer/reaction. By doing this, you are both disarming the group (showing them your harmless intent, that you want to include them, and getting them involved and interacting with you. For the next minute you can repeat this sequence, make comment to RG, repeat to group, then point (literally) to group member you would like to respond to your statement/question. Switch it around, call on different people, spread your eye contact and reactional opportunities equally throughout the group until you are ready to isolate target. 3. The Opener I seriously advise you avoid using any opener you read on the internet. For one thing, the opener sets the tone of the conversation and provides her the first glimpse of your personality. From this point, anything you say will be measured against your opener for congruence – thus if the opener isn’ t your own, your further talk wont be congruent, and since girls are ultra perceptive of this sort of thing, it’ s less than ideal. Instead, read openers and try to understand the general principles at play. A huge mistake people make is they decide which opener they will use before finding a girl to use it on. This is clearly an incorrect and illogical sequence (I spent 10 minutes trying to think of appropriate simile, but alas, I lack the way with words, let me know if you come up 25

Pick Up Fundamentals

with one) - instead you want to assess the girl’ s state and then use an opener appropriate to that state. That is worth elaborating on your opener should be matched to your reading of the girl. If you perceive the girl as sexual, you will be less successful asking for a quick female opinion on something then you will be with a direct or situational opener. Likewise, if you perceive the girl as timid, she’ ll probably shy away from a direct opener while she’ ll respond to your request for a quick opinion. When Approaching – it is very important that you gain eye contact with RG (maybe target, maybe not) and gauge her interest in you. That is, if she shoots you solid eye contact and a provocative look, opening with an opinion will be perceived as a sexual de-escalation and will lower your value. You must gauge her initial interest and calibrate your opener to accommodate that sexual energy. Anything less will be viewed as a cowardly de-escalation and will lead to a blowout. Opinion Openers: Though I personally think opinion openers are the least optimal, if you’ re going to use an opinion, ask something relevant. I don’ t like asking who’ s sexier Spiderman or Superman because I don’ t care – girls can tell this – they are ultra perceptive. Sure you can practice and rehearse to act like you care, but why bother… how is being able to convincingly ask a dumb question a good skill to have??? So if you are going to use an opinion or open with a question, make it a question you care about. “ I was just in Prague and I got this bracelet, do you like it or do you think its girly?” “ I’ m not really from around here and I notice everyone here wears really dark colors, why do you think that is? What do you think of a guy who wears bright colors like this?” ect – you get the idea. You notice even though these are opinion openers, they are situation-based and thus are relevant to the moment. Also these are Demonstrations of Higher Value. If you ask which superhero is sexier, it is abstract and the girl has little incentive to respond. With a situational opinion you make her feel like she is helping (which she wants to do) and that she is being useful, and thus that the interaction matters (she is invested in your success). Bottom line, make your opinion opener relevant to something currently observable. Situational Openers: These are my favorite. They cut through the crap of an opinion opener as they are more direct and personal, and are less likely to be viewed as a cowardly sexual de-escalation. I’ ve closed several girls with “ Hey, I gotta give you a compliment on something… you have the meanest most uninviting look on your face, its fantastic, do you practice that look in front of the mirror?” This works because it’ s true. Or “ Ok, that’ s twice that I’ ve walked by 26

Pick Up Fundamentals

and you shot me a funny look, what’ s the deal?” To be clear, these are not de-escalated situationals (i.e. it sure is hot in here), but are actually semi-personal. I know other people have had great results with things like “ I had to come over and talk to you because you radiate a great energy” . Again, whether this is bullshit or not, the girl perceives this as situational – you saw a great energy and thus had to talk to her. Direct Openers: “ Hi (pause)” “ Hi, my name is Ryan” ect. These are the most escalated openers and require a very strong sexual state on your part to be effective. Notice again, if the girl is timid or has not made interested eye contact with you she wont respond positively to your direct opener. At the same time, if she has indicated interest or sexuality, this is the best way to go as an opinion is a de-escalation and a situation is on par with her indicated interest – whereas the direct opener escalates just a little bit and sets the pace you want. 4. Behavior/Bodylanguage Upon approach lightly touch her arm and as soon as she looks begin talking - don't give her conditioned response a chance to kick in before your talking and shes listening. Your body language should be slowed down, don’ t make jittery hand gestures, instead move your hands in smooth strokes, and gesture to who you’ d like to speak. keep your body language open and keep your hands visible in the beginning. Don’ t smile too much, but rather use well placed smiles to let them know they are behaving correctly. Use an inquisitive half-smile to prod them on, and an encouraging whole smile to let them know they did a good job. Don’ t cock your head up, instead keep your head level. Your voice should be un-rushed, speak at a comfortable pace. if you go into rapid-speak, it comes off as low-self-esteem and low value. When you're talking, if you get interrupted with something positive (either they answer your question before you finish or they ask you an interest-question (i.e. where are you from?) drop the opener and proceed running set, you're in. If one interrupts you with something unfavorable look at her like she's retarded/socially awkward, and do a group analysis like "ok so you're the cool one, you're the funny one, and you're the defensive/cold/impolite one". Usually the group members will laugh then agree, or else correct you. From here it is your choice, you can go back to opener, or begin new thread about the dynamics of their group. 27

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Everyone is friendly, people want to talk to you. You’ re much more interesting than anything else around, and they’ re lucky to have the pleasure of your company. We sometimes don’ t know how to react when strangers talk to us, which sometimes leads us to be skeptical when people approach us. For this reason, it is crucial that you establish yourself as a person and not as an intrusion. People are never rude to people, only rude to inconveniences. So when you open, if you get a funny/hesitant/suspicious look, say “ no really… ” and cock your head to the side just a little bit. This should get them to lower their defenses. An illustration: Ryan: Hey, me and my friends were talking about the differences between friendly and unfriendly body language and we could really use a female opinion, what do you perceive as unfriendly body language. Ryan: (to group - before HB has chance to respond) When you girls are talking to a guy, how does your body language change if you like him versus if you don’ t? HB: *suspicious look* Ryan: Really… I have to get back to my friends, but what do you guys think? *Head cocked slightly to the side with an inquisitive look and a nice smile* HB: blablabla Ryan: Because I noticed you were kind of standing like *imitation* when that guy came to talk to you, and that led me to think you didn’ t like him, is that right? HB: OMG you're totally right, bla bla bla or HB: Whats your name? -----------------Done Deal.


Pick Up Fundamentals

5. Some Additional Pointers on Opening -Unless you are trying to hook up someone else, do not open with the topic being someone else (i.e. my friend here/there wants to _____, what do you think?). -Avoid asking things that indicate dissatisfaction with yourself. (i.e. should I dye my hair blonde?) This shows you’ re unhappy with the way you are and indecisive about your life. If you insist on going this route a better alternative is “ what do you think of guys who dye their hair blonde but who leave the dark roots visible? Do you like being able to see the roots or is it better to go blonde all the way through?” Again though, its counter productive and incongruent to ask this if you’ re not actually considering dying your hair blonde. -I find it hard to see any situtaion where a tall guy should use an opinion opener. Height is associated with sexual presense, and as such an opinion opener will be viewed as a sexual de-escalation. tall guys should go use situational or direct only IMO with more initial sexual presense than shorter guys. 6. Progression – From Outer Game to Indifference (Post Scriptum) This article is a piece I wrote 3 years ago on the topic of opening. I remember how proudly I posted it and how elated I was at the praise it received – yet now it appears to me almost as a relic of my own innocent and sophomoric past. So what’ s the deal here… have I forgotten what I used to know about opening? Has years of clubbing and emotionally relating to manic-oversexed-sorostitutes fried my ability to over-analyze?? Possibly… BUT, more likely, as I’ ve grown and honed my craft I’ ve learned to sort through that which simply IS NOT RELEVANT and to instead get down to the core pieces of what makes me successful… In one section I dig into how to spot the Receptive Girl (RG) in a group. Now, I look at that and think “ WHO GIVES A FUCK! Just get in there, be loud and fire shit in every direction!” Sure we can call this unconscious competence – but there’ s something bigger going on here… the real reason guys who really get this stuff turn off to outer-game. 29

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Simply put: there’ s an inverse relationship between awareness and flow-state. This means that as you pick up, the more aware you are OF ANYTHING, the less able you are to access your most charismatic flow state. So yes, while having the technical understanding of how to accurately assess which girl in a group may be most receptive, or which type of opener may be most appropriate for the situation, may make it somewhat easier for me to get into set - that benefit is MORE THAN NEGATED by the burden of awareness. That’ s why guys who have reached the stage where they’ re truly getting results (pulling with regularity) will actually shun away from outer-game discussion – both in terms of how they game as well as what they write/think about. Because even thinking about it is actually a reversion to a less advanced level.


Pick Up Fundamentals

Stepping Up: Go Big or Go Home Ok think back to the last girl you approached. Remember what she looked like? Attractive, hopefully. Well fellas I’ ve got some unfortunate news for you… you’ re not the first guy that’ s tried to fuck her. Really. In fact, you’ re not the tallest, richest, best looking, or most musically talented. What that means is that if she’ s going to sleep with you you’ ve got to step the fuck up. Seriously, man the fuck up. Look, the universe ain’ t gonna give a damn thing to you. It’ s not that evolution is a cruel bitch… rather she’ s a fair one. She gives to those who step up and deserve and has no qualms about holding back from those who don’ t. The clouds aren’ t gonna magically part and from the skies deliver an angel to your doorstep. Or if you think they are… have fun waiting. Beyond that, it’ s up to you to take action. And I don’ t mean “ Oh, I went out and approached, I took action… ” – I mean taking charge of the situation on a moment by moment basis… harden up. The fact is, in EVERY PICKUP there are rough spots… it’ s like Ozzie says, “ Pulling… It’ s fucking messy!” You ARE going to get bumped into, her friends are going to give her looks like “ who is this guy?” , some big dude is going to try to muscle in on your girl. Get used to it. In fact, embrace it… THIS IS A GOOD THING. I’ m not going to stand out to a girl with my looks, height, or money. But I promise you I will mentally be the hardest guy she will ever meet. What that means is that there are some guys who curl up when the going gets tough, and there are some guys who step up to the challenge. This isn’ t just in pick-up, this is in LIFE. Which one are you? With regards to pick up…

it’ s up to you to decide how you handle yourself. 31

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When another guy enters your set are you going to slink away and whine about it? When her friends come crashing in are you going to quietly hope they acknowledge you? When her state starts dropping do you start thinking “ aw man she’ s losing interest” or do you think “ fuck that… it’ s on!” . Look, girls are more socially intuitive than you can imagine. They know when things are going easy for you… they know when you’ re in a tight spot. And guess what, they’ re watching to see how you handle yourself. In sports, most guys dread being down by 10 points, some even shut down. But every now and then you get the exceptional athlete who thrives off being down… who uses it as an opportunity to step up and truly shine. Those are the guys we immortalize. So when you feel yourself getting edged out of set… are you the type that bows out, or do you reassert your relevance. Are you waiting for the convenient conversational pause, or are you proactively pushing forward? And from there, GO BIG. I don’ t get every girl… far from it. I can deal with that… what I can’ t deal with is wondering “ what if?” . “ Oh, what if I’ d tried a little harder… what if I’ d been a little bit more bold?” What do I mean by this? Well there was the time I walked the girl back to her hotel where she said “ it was so great meeting you… give me a call so we can hang out this week” . Leave no room for what if… “ Yeah great meeting you… hey I really gotta pee and I’ ve got this thing about public toilets, do you mind if I use the bathroom in your room?” And from there, GO BIG… I walk out of the bathroom in my pink boxers, clothes tucked under my arm, “ ok cool, thanks for that, was great meeting you, bye” . Needless to say, it was definitely not “ bye” . Or the time the fatty so resolutely insisted I couldn’ t talk to hottie anymore (who loved me) that I literally picked up hottie over my shoulder and out-ran fattie for 6 blocks to get away. “ Hahaha OMG I can’ t believe this is happening, you’ re so awesome… how are you even carrying me this far??” … “ I train Crossfit” . Leave no room for ‘ what if’ … the universe isn’ t gonna align to get you what you want… respects those who step up.



Pick Up Fundamentals

I guess I have to thank my wrestling coach… stuck with me through the years:

there are 2 gems he gave me that have really

The first one is: Look, there are guys out there that are bigger than you, stronger than you, have wrestled longer than you. The match isn’ t won by the guy with the best technique… it’ s won by the guy with the most heart, the guy who wants it the most. Decide right now how much you want it. And the second is: When you’ re out there, give it everything you’ ve got. Leave it all out there on the mat… all of it. If you do leave it all out there and you need me to carry you off the mat afterwards I will, proudly. The question becomes… how much heart do YOU have? How much do you want it? How easily will you accept defeat? Each of us already has enough going against us. The last thing I’ ll do is let myself go against myself. My thoughts, my attitude, my actions are going to serve me, not betray me. It’ s up to you to do the same. Harden up, step as a man, give yourself a chance.


Pick Up Fundamentals

On Polarity: Bringing Down the Hammer I want to touch on the subject of polarity – and instead of digging deep into the core of ‘ masculine polarity’ and what it means to be a man… instead come at it from more of a surface level in terms of the importance of ‘ bringing down the hammer’ when needed. So it’ s widely known that girls are emotional creatures and need a wide range of emotions in order to feel fulfilled. (This is why – morality aside – it’ s often easier to hook up with a girl with a boyfriend than a single girl… with a single girl you’ ve gotta provide all emotions, whereas if the girl has a boyfriend you need only identify the emotion(s) she’ s not getting from her boyfriend and provide those.) Well as is almost always the case, bringing the positive spectrum of emotions is easy and comes quite naturally… especially when we find ourselves attracted to the girl. “ Oh hahaha, that’ s sooooo funny” “ Here, you wait here while I get your coat and pull the car around” “ Aw thanks, that was really nice of you” “ You’ re boss is a jerk, eventually he’ ll appreciate how much value you bring” There’ s a million and one ways we offer girls positive emotions, everything from smiling to showing interest to complementing to you name it. And these are all completely necessary elements of any pick-up… thing is, balancing that out with polarity is equally necessary, and when appropriate must occur for a number of reasons. Interestingly enough, our natural instinct when we with to curry favor is to supplicate… to allow our standards to be trampled hoping the other party will acknowledge and appreciate our accommodative behavior. In reality, when we allow our standards to be trampled we actually turn off people to us on a personal level. Consider this example: I invite you and a friend over to my house. When you arrive, I welcome you in and ask you to take off your shoes. Your friend gladly removes his shoes, but instead you say “ you 34

Pick Up Fundamentals

know what… fuck you… I’ m keeping my shoes on” . Because I think so highly of you I respond “ Oh that’ s totally fine, in fact I’ m sorry I even asked, please, keep your shoes on and come on in… ” Now, at this point are you thinking “ wow, Ryan’ s such a cool guy… are you thinking “ haha what a little bitch.” – More likely the latter…

” or more realistically

On the flipside, suppose you refuse to take your shoes off and this time I say “ alright, that’ s totally your decision, but you’ ll have to wait in the foyer… you’ re welcome into the living room any time you change your mind” . Are you thinking “ Fuck this guy… what an asshole” … or are you simply thinking “ Ok, here’ s a guy who’ s got clear standards he expects others to adhere to… one of those being that I’ ve gotta take my shoes off if I wanna come in” . Interestingly enough, people actually respect us more when we show that we respect our boundaries… that we have clear standards and expectations of others that are inflexible and inalienable. So with a girl, I love telling her how much I like her, how much fun I’ m having with her, that she’ s great, ect. But, the moment she crosses a boundary I’ m equally quick to let her know she’ s strayed off track and to bring down the proverbial hammer if needed. How do I do this? Well, suppose I’ m talking to a girl and she decides to make fun of my shirt. The first time she does, I may give a little chuckle and even tease her back or playfully pretend I’ m sad. If she does it again I may convey that the joke has run it’ s course, like “ alright you got me” , or more likely even flat out ignore it. However, if she still wants to continue giving me a hard time, at this point she’ s acting in a way that’ s unacceptable and it’ s up to me to let her know she’ s infringed on my boundaries. I’ ll leave no doubt in communicating this: “ Hey. That’ s enough.” “ Hey. Behave yourself.” Likewise, I understand that girls get text messages and that they sometimes need to check 35

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their phone… however if I’ m talking to a girl and she gets excessive with the texting, I have no problem letting her know she’ s being rude. “ Hey, put your phone away, you’ re being rude” To be clear, am I saying be an asshole? Absolutely not. Am I saying don’ t compliment girls and be sweet? Again, absolutely not. What I am saying is that it’ s important that you show at least a willingness to exercise polarity and demonstrate a degree of self respect. Interestingly enough, this aspect of the game handles itself once you come into an abundance mindset. For instance, the other night myself and my good friend Rudey were out in Chicago chatting to two girls we’ d met. My girl, being the sarcastic type was giving me a very hard time from the go – “ Is this your A-game?... well maybe you should start using your A-game cuz as of now you’ re not doing too well.” Now I love girls that challenge me, but this girl was going beyond simply being a challenge… she got to the point of being downright rude, oscillating between listening to me and allowing her attention to wander. Well screw that, the club was starting to get good and there’ s no way I’ ll stand for that type of behavior… so I simply got up and walked away – leaving her to play 3rd wheel to her friend and Rudey and think about her behavior. About 20 mins later she found me in a different part of the club and approached me – “ Hey, there you are… ” I paused for a moment, thought about the way she’ d treated me the first time around, thought about the new girl I’ d met who was actually polite, shook my head and said “ No” , then walked away. Later in the night Rudey was still chatting to the friend, so I went in and ended up chatting to the original friend again. She was receptive and friendly for about 3 minutes before snapping right back into her original behavior. This was too much – I grabbed Rudey by the arm, said “ we’ re moving on” , and the two of us walked away without looking back. (Let me give credit to Rudey here for being a true wing) So then, the moral of the story? Well, keep reading… Wouldn’ t you know it, later at the next club who again approaches me this time very clearly on her best behavior? By this point I was fully tired of her games so I told her as plainly as humanly possible: “ I’ m not sure I want to talk to you, you’ re rude” … She replied “ I like you.” 36

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My response… “ I like you too, come with me” . From there on out she was a total sweetheart, and I reciprocated – with her being fully appreciative (and also pulling me in a cab back to her hotel) knowing my affection was not a default but rather something that she had earned and therefore had attached meaning. Looking back at the night, was I an asshole? I don’ t think so. Did I however show a massive willingness to bring down the hammer and communicate what I do and do not find acceptable? Completely. And on her end, can she feel good knowing she found the 1 in a million man who will not supplicate to her bratty behavior but will rather stay true to himself? Exactly. Maybe 50 Cent said it best – “ Sunshine wouldn’ t be special if it weren’ t for rain.” Show the girl that you’ re a man that can provide the complete spectrum, and she’ ll be that much more appreciative of all the good emotions you bring.


Pick Up Fundamentals

The Art of the Spin: The Centerpiece of My Verbal Game Watching my interactions, here’ s the pattern… I approach a girl, start talking, usually with something situational and mostly rambling about myself. “ Hey what’ s up, I’ m Ryan… oh cool, nice to meet you… yeah I’ m actually pretty jet lagged and tired right now, but I haven’ t seen my friends in a while so I thought I’ d come out bla bla” The idea here is that I’ m being intentionally mundane. Why mundane? Well, for one thing I’ m not qualifying myself either with my words or the amount of investment I’ m putting into the interaction, and beyond that, it allows her to get comfortable with the interaction so that what comes next is more of a spike… Me: So yeah, even though I’ d rather be home catching up on sleep here I am out at the club, but I guess now that I’ m here I’ m glad my friends dragged me out because if they hadn’ t I wouldn’ t have met you and… I begin here going from mundane into an over the top statement of intent (SOI) or assertion of togetherness. Girl: Haha yeah…

I’ m sure…

Me: and we wouldn’ t have fallen in love and we wouldn’ t go home and make ten thousand babies so me coming here is a good thing and… Again, taking the SOI so far that she literally has no choice but to reject it. (In the cases where she does accept this big an SOI it’ s simply straight to the makeout and pull). Notice though I’ m not saying this stuff and pausing… I’ m actually ranting until the girl interrupts… Girl: Haha what the…

I’ m not making babies… 38

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And here’ s where we SPIN back – basically we back off but reinterpret her rejection as an indication of her interest in us. Ok – THIS IS BIG! We SOI HARD, then back off, but use her strong feelings for us AS A JUSTIFICATION FOR BACKING OFF. Essentially as you back off, she goes into an agreeable frame… that frame then carries into your assertion of her IOIing you. Observe: Me: Oh wait… I’ m sorry, I shouldn’ t have said that… you’ re right, we should take our time and have a proper courtship before we get started breeding the little runts. I’ m doing a couple things here… Firstly, by referring to making babies as “ breeding the little runts” I’ m further letting her know that I’ m only being playful and I’ m not actually trying to impregnate her. But beyond that and more importantly I’ ve built a playful vibe that she’ s not going to want to detract from by being disagreeable – AND I’ ve given her something completely polite that she can very easily agree with… (girls will almost never opt to detract from the vibe unless they absolutely must). Think about it – I put out “ Having a proper courtship before making babies” . There is simply no way she can disagree with this… what’ s she gonna say “ no” … “ fuck you, I’ m gonna make babies without a proper courtship” ?? So she preserves the vibe and agrees… Girl: Haha Yes, I’ m a lady and I demand to be treated properly Me: Indeed, I’ ll take good care of you and buy you only the finest of tacos and I won’ t even insist on rough anal sex every night… Girl: What the…

! I’ m not having anal with you!

Me: Haha sweetie of course not! I just said you’ re my baby and I’ ll take care of you… (Again, the backward spin) Girl: Yeah you better… Me: Yeah, I’ d be totally content having just cutsie cuddly sweet romantic sex with you… 39

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you know the type where I’ m kissing you and hugging you (hugging her and kissing her on the forehead as I say this), and where we lay in eachother’ s arms afterward… Here I’ m pretty vividly painting an experience, that because it’ s so polite compared to what I’ ve previously put out she’ s likely to accept and even envision… so again, we SPIN. Me: And we won’ t need to do any of that kinky stuff… at least not until we start cranking out babies and you get fat and I don’ t find you physically attractive anymore… then we’ ll probably have to do kinky depraved shit just so I can even stomach it… Girl: OMG you’ re such an asshole. At this point, depending on how into me she is, she may even qualify, like “ OMG you’ re such an asshole… I’ d be a hot mom… ” Or she may just spike and not qualify – either is fine because now we’ re SPINNING back to our original loop. Me: No no, you’ re misunderstanding, that’ s the whole point, and that’ s why I agree we shouldn’ t make 10000 babies but should instead have a proper courtship with no kinky depraved sexual acts or emotional abuse and instead just appreciate the magic we have together right now. If I’ m able to run a spin loop like this through to completion attraction will be through the roof – so much so that I’ m literally able to shift straight into leading and logistics. I’ ll assert some more togetherness, escalate more, but for the most part pending no unforeseen interruptions it’ s a done deal. I’ ll exit the loop and start to Pull Down. Me: But look, if this is going to work, we need to get to know each other on a personal level, tell me about you… And on the flip side, if attraction isn’ t as high as I like, I’ ll simply enter into another spin loop, this time basing it on a real OR fabricated IOI from her and responding with another hard SOI: Me: But look, if this is going to work, we need to get to know each other on a personal 40

Pick Up Fundamentals level, tell me about you… Her: Well, I’ m 23, I go to law school, what else do you wanna know ? Me: OMG, you’ re my baby, you had me before law school… I don’ t need a resume to know how special you are…

look sweetie, I like you for you,

Her: I’ m not giving you a resume, you asked me to tell you about me so I am… Me: You’ re right, I’ m sorry, I’ m just crazy about you, go on, tell me… And that’ s the game folks…

note a couple key themes…

1.) I’ m asserting her actions to be IOIs to me. 2.) I’ m getting her to accept very hard SOIs from me because they come in the form of exit loops from even harder inappropriate SOIs. 3.) My apologies are tethered to assertions of togetherness (you’ re my baby, etc.) so that to accept the apology is to acknowledge our being together. Try it out, give it a spin (pun intended).


Pick Up Fundamentals

Cut the Chodeversation: Anatomy of a Spike Do you ever feel yourself slipping into “ Chodeversation” ? Like “ what’ s your name… where you from?… oh cool, I grew up near there myself… yeah but then I went to school in… ” Yuk times! Let’ s talk about making it fun… lets talk about unpredictability and spiking… Talking to me is like walking on ice – no one can predict where I’ m going… or anticipate where to step next. Why?… because I say what I want, when I want – free and unbounded by social convention. I bring the truth. What is the truth? Well, the truth varies… but as a guy talking to an attractive girl… let’ s not kid ourselves Too often do I see guys slipping into “ chodeversation” … going interview style, or talking to the girl to simply keep the interaction going, rather than acting through intent and leading the interaction. Saying what’ s really on your mind and bringing SPIKES. How do you spike? Well, simply put - a spike occurs when you introduce a sexual frame in a seemingly random way at an escalated energy level. Got it? That’ s right… increase the energy level (get excited), change the subject, and make it sexual. 3 steps to a spike So common example… Girl: Right so I really wanna open a shelter for puppies with eating disorders so that they can… Guy: Wait wait wait! I just noticed this dress you’ re wearing… turn around let me have a look at you! Now, interestingly enough - spikes usually come from a place of truth. So when this gorgeous girl starts rambling on about deforestation in Arizona and you feel your thoughts start wandering in a naughty direction, that’ s your spike material right there. Keeping it unpredictable So then, let’ s take a look at an example I had lastnight… The girl I’ m chatting to asks a lame question - I know where things are headed. I can either go down that dark and dull road, or instead I can make it fun and bring the spikes. Here’ s how I played it… … Ryan: oh cool, yeah that’ s an interesting dress you’ re wearing… 42

Pick Up Fundamentals

(or whatever random thing I was saying) Girl: Thanks, where are you from? So then, this could go downhill very quickly. In a past life I would have said something like “ oh I grew up in DC but then lived in England for a while and bla bla… ” Boooooorrrriiiiiiiinnnggg… Then I learned “ Game” …

so it became “ Guess!” …


Let’ s get to the fucking point already! Ryan: oh cool, yeah that’ s an interesting dress you’ re wearing… I was saying)

(or whatever random thing

Girl: Thanks, where are you from? Ryan: Yeah I am single. Spike I’ m not here to waste time… I don’ t need to go through the pleasantries, as it’ s been put elsewhere, “ I drive diagonally across the lanes” . Let’ s get down to business, shall we… And the dance begins… The Dance Begins Girl: Haha what!? No I asked where are you from! Think you know what’ s coming next? … … Ryan: Christ, you’ re too cute, what am I gonna do with you… ? Girl: (who is this man!?!?) Ryan: Ok that’ s it, it’ s decided… I’ m keeping you.(hug and kiss) Guys, this is how you go beyond talking to a girl…


I’ ve had enough chodeversations to know they’ re not fun. So when I feel the conversation sliding in that direction, I put a stop to it right then and there… to do this I change the subject and get down to the truth of the matter. What is the truth? Well it can vary but usually if I’ m approaching a girl it’ s because I think she’ s hot… 43


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And if I think she’ s hot than a whole slew of other ideas come to mind. Once my thoughts go there, you can be damn sure I’ m not gonna slide into “ oh cool… so where are you from?” Now, obviously there is a time and place for getting to know each other… but only AFTER you’ ve set a sexual frame for the relationship - and one tool you can use to set that sexual frame is… that’ s right, SPIKING See guys, we’ re not bound by convention. We have no obligation to stick to threads, take things slow… or even MAKE SENSE for that matter. We do what we want, when we want. We say what we want, when we want! So cut the BS-filler-speak, keep it unpredictable, and bring out what’ s really on our minds.


Pick Up Fundamentals

Using Pauses to Amp the Vibe - Silence is Golden I want to talk about using silence to your advantage – as a way to show your comfort in the situation, to introduce a sexual element, and to get the girl contributing. One of the most common mistakes guys make is they get so happy just to be flirting with a girl that they go into motor-mouth mode… constantly talking never allowing for silence. People do this for 2 reasons… 1 they feel like they need to keep putting out content simply to keep the girl, and secondly they are uncomfortable with silence so they resort to filler-speak to fill the gaps. The fact is, leaving silent pauses in your speech serves a number of purposes… 1.) It shows you value what you say. You speak only when you have something to say… not simply just for the purpose of saying words. 2.) It sets a sexual tone – a silent pause is a great way to build sexual tension… if you and a girl are enjoying eachother’ s company while no words are being spoken, it means you must be enjoying each other on a non-verbal level. 3.) It communicates your expectations – it tells the girl you expect her to contribute to the interaction and shows her that you are a man with expectations. 4.) It puts the girl in her head. You know that feeling you get when you feel a silence coming and your thoughts start racing to fill the gap? Well, girls feel the same way… put her into this headspace and she’ ll rationalize “ look, I’ m searching nervously for something to say… I must like this guy” . 5.) It shows a high tolerance to social pressure. Put simply, this is an attractive trait. So then, what are some different times one can use pausing in an interaction to maximum effectiveness: Early in the interaction: You ask the girl a question, she responds with a short answer. i.e. “ Where are you from…


“ California”


Pick Up Fundamentals


“ Oh, just south of LA” Right here you very clearly communicated your expectations and got her operating on YOUR PROGRAM, and not the other way around. You wanted a specific level of detail when you asked the question, and your pause prompted her to conform to that level. When the girl asks you a question… You know how in movies, the guy (or girl) says something incredibly romantic and both characters pause and look deep into each other’ s eyes? Like “ You had me at hello Jerry McGuire, you had me at hello… ” Well, truth is moments like this almost never happen in real life – BUT, we can simulate this and give the girl a similar experience. Girl: So how long have you been in Europe? Guy: (Silence…


hold eye-contact)

Girl: Ummmmmm, sooo… Guy: (Continues pause)… Guy: 4 months. Girl: oh… say)

(most likely fully in her head by this point so she’ s not really gonna have much to

And just like that, we’ ve created a moment that left the girl speechless. That’ s right, you ever hear a girl say something like “ He just looked at me and I was speechless” … well this is how you do it. Mid-Story

Guy: So it was crazy, this polar bear is catching up to me and I’ m running as hard as I can when I start to… pause… Girl: Start to what?? Guy: (silence and eyecontact) Girl: heh (nervous laugh) 46

Pick Up Fundamentals

Guy: damn, you’ re…

(pause) right, so I’ m running and this thing is catching up…

Man… this one is insanely powerful. The amount of sexual tension that can be built with just a few seconds of silence is infinitely more than any amount that can be accomplished with words. Mid-Game: A lot of guys make the mistake of over-gaming – essentially they output and output and output, never asking the girl to contribute back. Understand that the longer you output for the more the girl goes into Receptive Mode. If you’ re motor-mouthing for 30 mins it means you’ ve built 30 mins of momentum with you talking… from here getting her out of Receptive Mode and contributing is going to be extremely tough. While going talkative can sometimes be necessary to reach the hook point, it’ s important to break that momentum once you have hooked – to get her contributing on a more equal basis. To do this, SIMPLY STOP TALKING. There’ s going to be a pause in the conversation. It’ s going to be weird. She will start talking to fill the awkward silence. She is now INVESTED in continuing the interaction. She’ s not only receiving, but also outputting in order to keep the interaction moving forward. The End Game: Later in the interaction silence is what anchors the girl to you. As long as you’ re talking she’ s being kept with you by your words. Once you stop talking and she stays, it means she’ s being kept by something beyond your words… acknowledging that something unspoken exists between the two of you. Guys this is HUGE – if all you’ re using is words and ACTIVE measures to get the girl, the instant you leave her side – and stop actively gaming her – her feelings for you begin to deflate since she does not have any feelings anchored to you in a passive frame. Meaning – going passive is necessary to anchor your standing with the girl. This is a whole nother concept for another article, but here lets touch on how silence can be used as a passive anchor: After you very clearly have attraction and a degree of escalation you go silent. The girl will do 1 of two things based on her own self esteem as well as how much she likes you. She’ ll either Let the conversation go completely silent – OR – she’ ll go into talkative mode. 47

Pick Up Fundamentals

In either case, your response is the same – you stay silent but confident, allowing your non-verbals to say “ we’ re past the chatty stage… nothing more needs to be said” . If the girl stays silent she’ s essentially acknowledging that you and her are on the same page – that you’ re TOGETHER. Or, if she goes talkative it’ s likely gonna be in the form of her qualifying herself… basically her feeling like she needs to GAME YOU and doing so. In either situation your case is greatly furthered and from here you can relax… the home stretch.

you’ re on

When Escalating: A natural reflex to social-pressure is getting talkative – using words to release tension and de-escalate, often happening as a direct result of escalation. Now remember the central pillar of PU – What You Feel She Feels. So a key mistake a lot of guys make is going talkative while trying to escalate because of the nervousness they feel. When you do so it reveals to the girl that you are in fact nervous, she thinks “ hey this guy is creating a situation he’ s nervous about… there must be something not right in this situation, I’ m going to put a stop to it” . Other times even if the guy doesn’ t go talkative, the girl does and the guy starts responding. In this case the girl is indicating her nervousness and the guy – by following the girl’ s talkative lead - is essentially buying into that nervousness and making it real. Instead, even if the girl goes talkative silence can be used to assuage the feelings of nervousness – remember silence indicates comfort in a given situation, so the girl thinks “ hmmm I’ m a little bit nervous but he’ s completely comfortable… there must be nothing to be nervous about.” – Essentially this amounts to Emotional Leadership through passivity. Adding Emphasis and Intensity: In addition to the examples listed above, silence can be used at any point during the PU to spike the emotional seismograph and add emphasis and gravity to any given situation. So for instance take even the cliché question: “ So what do you do?” … In typical context this looks like: Girl: Yeah I’ m wearing these shoes because I came here straight from work. Guy: Oh so what do you do? 48

Pick Up Fundamentals

Girl: I work in a dentist office… What’ s going on here is the guy is using the fruitless subject of shoes as a means to gain rapport – WEAK SAUCE. By incorporating a pause however: Girl: Yeah I’ m wearing these shoes because I came here straight from work. Guy: (Pause) Girl: (uhhhhhh) Guy: (Pause)…


what is it that you do?

By pausing here the guy has ended the thread about shoes – so when he asks the girl what she does he’ s doing so from a position of genuine interest, rather than hiding behind the shoe transition. Bottom line – of all the things you’ d like to communicate about yourself to a girl, a good number of them can be communicated more effectively through silence than through speech. Get comfortable in silence; make your speech that much more meaningful, and start Creating Moments.


Pick Up Fundamentals

Sexual Tension – What It Is and When To Use It Sexual tension is the feeling created when two people mutually desire to escalate beyond self-percieved standards of what is 'socially proper'. 'Socially proper' escalation standards are defined both internally (our ideals, usually instilled in us by our parents/friends/bible...) and externally (can't shag in a restaurant, with people watching, ect). It can be as de-escalated as both sides feeling they can't/shouldn't flirt (perhaps because they work together), or as escalated as both sides doing everything but having sex though they want to (perhaps she's on her period). Lets take an example...Suppose you and a girl at church are attracted to eachother. Sitting in the pews on a crowded sunday you brush your knuckle against her outer-thigh, you both know you can't escalate further even though you'd like to (definately not socially-proper giver where you are). Result: Crazy build-up of sexual tension. So then - if that's what sexual tension IS, lets talk about how we can use it. Think of sexual tension like a rubber band being pulled by two sides (ideas about what is socially proper, and a mutual desire to escalate). If the tension increases to a certain point, the rubber band will snap and fly in off one of two directions - one direction being triggering ASD, the other direction being a BJ in the bathroom ;) When trying to bed a girl, we can do 1 of two things... 1.) We calibrate our pace and manner of escalation in such a way that that the constraints of what is 'socially proper' do not arise, rather you recognize them before they become an issue and you work around them... The 'rubber band' is at ease - we call this being 'smooth'. or 2.) You yank the fucking rubber band so hard that it's certain to fly in the direction you want - in other words, you and the girl mutually agree (spoken or unspoken) to smash through 50

Pick Up Fundamentals

'social standards' and say "fuck what people think, lets do what feels good." Both methods have a time and a place - the first method however does not really have much sexual tension involved, so we'll focus on the 2nd. So then, the idea is that rather than trying to hide from it - you embrace what is taboo and indulge in your primal urges. How can we facilitate this? How can we "yank the shit out of the rubber-band"? Well, my favorate way of doing this is by creating a false social restriction then smashing through it. So for instance, suppose I guage that the girl has no qualms about kissing on day1, but doesn't think it's ok to give a bj on day1. I'll create a false social restriction about kissing...let the tension build (we both want to kiss eachother but can't)...then 'yank the band'/snap the tension by saying 'fuck it' and kissing her passionately. More explicitly, this looks like... When I can tell she's near ready to be kissed, I'll whisper something in her ear like "man oh man...i so want to kiss you right now...but not with your friends watching." A few minutes later I may grab her by her arse, pull her against me, and whisper to her "this is driving me crazy, I really want to kiss you but kissing in a bar is poor form". From here there's crazy high sexual tension so she'll either agree with what I've said or if she's bold she'll say "who cares". Either way, I'll kiss her HARD, then look at her devilishly, knowing we saw the line and crossed it anyway... And from here on out - we're already over the line, so we may as well keep going and see where it leads ;) In short, the model is (assuming she's already attracted and compliant with your escalation)... 1.) Create social constraints impending relatively minor escalation (or acknowledge already existing constraints) - (thus sexual tension is built) 2.) Blatently cross the minor social constraints (easy created them in the first place!) 3.) Since you're already over the line, you may as well venture further. The sky is the limit.


Pick Up Fundamentals

Progressive Physical Escalation 1. Escalating to Sex isn’ t a linear process Just realize that obviously rubbing a girl’ s ass is more escalated than touching her shoulder. Kino off the break and be very touchy-feels. Lots of arm around her, touching her stomach, slapping her ass (if you know how), kissing her neck, ect. Oh, and don’ t become tacky club make-out guy. Leading is key. Lead her from one end of the club to the bar, to the dance floor, to the bar, to the door, ect. And make sure to introduce her to all the social proof you created at the beginning of the night. 2. Protect Her Buying Temperature This is absolutely crucial! Not only must you protect your pull from other guys, you also have to watch out for her friends that will pretty quickly catch on and put an end to things if you’ re not careful. So with regards to the friends, never ever let them think you’ re leaving to bang the girl – I can’ t tell you how many pulls I’ ve had sabotaged by the less attractive friends. Obviously you should try to charm the friends and get them on your side. Statement of interests to the friends can be really useful here, along the lines of “ I really like your friend, I don’ t know why, but I feel like we’ re really on the same page with a lot of things” . Also, don’ t leave her alone with her friends unless you’ re sure you’ ve got them on your side. With regards to other guys, recognize that BUYING TEMP IS TRANSFERABLE! The fact that she was making out with you 5 mins ago means she’ s super horny and ultra-receptive to the next guy who comes along. If you must leave her side, either get a wing to keep her occupied, or get her friends to watch her. If you do leave and return to see her with another guy you have a few options. 1.) Blow him out (least favorable). 2.) Get your wing to engage the guy and scoop her back. (ok) 3.) Tell her friends what’ s going on and get them to pull her back for you. A simple “ hey I really like your friend, can you help me out by getting her away from this guy?” is really powerful here as you now have the friends HELPING you pick up her friend – so they can hardly object later on. 52

Pick Up Fundamentals

Overdriven Escalation Stacking This simple technique will spike hard attraction in the girl while blasting forward your escalation level. It works like this… you’ re talking to the girl and things are going well enough (note: you should have at least a minimal level of attraction to do this). Out of nowhere you allow yourself to be overtaken by the girl’ s sexiness and you over-escalate HARD. This can be done in either a playful way or a serious way. For instance, I may playfully pull on the neckline of a girl’ s shirt and look down to examine her tits, or if I’ m feeling a more serious vibe I’ ll flat out tell her how sexy her arse is and give it a hard slap. From here the girl will likely rebuke your advance – this is where the magic happens. You apologize profusely in an exaggerated way WHILE OVER-ESCALATING EVEN FURTHER. (note: if she doesn’ t object it’ s obviously pull time ;) ) So it looks like this… Me: bla bla bla… woah, I just noticed you have GREAT tits… Girl: Excuse me! You can’ t say that to a girl… Me: God, you’ re right, I’ m sorry… I’ M SO SORRY!!! GOD I’ M SO STUPID!!! I then bury my face in her cleavage nodding it back and forth muffling out “ I’ m SOOOO SORRY” . Maybe even pulling grabbing her arse while I do so… Aaaand Attraction SPIKES. Another example: Me: Bla bla bla… woah, I just noticed how sexy your ass is… give her arse a slap) 53

hold on turn, lemmie see…


Pick Up Fundamentals

Her: AAHH!! Excuse me! No touching! Me: Yeah you’ re right, I don’ t know what came over me, look, I’ m sorry, come here… gesture for a hug, hug her for a moment, then slide my hands down to her ass). Her: Hahahah nooo no touching. Me: You’ re right, I’ m sorry, Come here…


From here she’ ll call you on your intention to grab her ass again, you try to assure her that you won’ t… if she hugs you, obviously you grab it again ;) And repeat – if she falls for it again clearly it’ s time to pull ;) So there you have it – the ultra powerful Overdriven Escalation Stacking technique. Use wisely, and be ready to close immediately as her emotions will be driven through the roof…


Pick Up Fundamentals

Qualification – Where it Stands in a Game 2.0 Universe I want to tackle the subject of Qualification – what it is and where it stands in a Game 2.0 universe. Let’ s start at the top. Qualification is the process of actively getting a girl to demonstrate value to you – to essentially earn your approval and affection. The idea is that by qualifying, you accomplish 2 very important things: 1.) You get the girl actively trying to earn you, thus you’ re setting yourself up as the prize, getting her invested, ect and 2.) You give her grounds to believe that you like her for non-superficial (sex) reasons. As the community has advanced the notion of qualification has drifted a bit to the periphery as it’ s accepted more and more that 1.) it’ s totally ok to pull girls just for sex and 2.) qualification is part of a rigid structure that has generally been replaced by a more freeflowing, natural style. So, does qualification still have a place in PU dogma? Well, in almost every one of my recent pickups some form of female qualification certainly occurred – though at this point to actively seek to qualify would be asinine and almost backwards. See, qualification stems from a model in which the girl inherently has higher value than the guy – so the idea was to pump your value to the point that you have enough compliance from the girl that she’ ll buy into qualifying herself, and when she does she’ ll backwards rationalize “ oh, I’ m telling this guy how great I am, I must want him to like me because I must obviously like him… ” At first glance that may seem logical, but look at the corresponding thought going through the guy’ s head – “ ok now I think I have enough value and compliance to get her to qualify, I’ ll start qualifying and hopefully she’ ll start trying to ‘ win’ me” . Personally that is the absolute LAST headspace I want to be in when I’ m out. Remember – the self is always shining through – you are like an open book, the last thing I want the girl 55

Pick Up Fundamentals

to see me thinking is “ what step should I take now to get her” . Instead, when I’ m out my thoughts resemble a broken record “ Yes!.. It’ s on… on… ”


It’ s

When I’ m in this headspace she can what kind of guy I am and the whole value issue is subverted entirely. Beyond that, consider this… in field guys always ask me things like “ ok the girl did bla bla bla and said bla bla, what should I do?” – my answer is always this: “ Imagine you have a signed contract saying she IS going home with you tonight – no matter what she’ s going home with you… how would you behave for the rest of the night… ?” That is – assume the pull…

now what?

Well I can’ t answer that for you, but if I’ m talking to a girl and I know it’ s on (well let’ s face it, it’ s always on ;-) then I’ m gonna do 2 things. 1.) Enjoy the night and 2.) Take the time to get to know her. I’ ll drop the ‘ game’ and simply start getting to know her as a person – not because it’ s the ‘ right’ move, but because I like meeting people and beyond that I know I’ ll enjoy what comes later much more if the person actually means something to me – if I like them on both a physical and personal level. And because the girl senses I’ m a confident guy, operating without an agenda, her natural reaction is going to be to share the parts of herself that she feels best about – the parts that actually mean something to her… So with traditional qualification it looked something like… Guy: So I really like Italian food, what’ s your best dish? Girl: Oh, I cook really good spaghetti. Guy: Oh cool, I like that… You can see this is happening on a very superficial level, and realistically, what are the chances that the girl actually identifies with her cooking skills… ? 56

Pick Up Fundamentals

Now instead, if I simply assume it’ s on and allow the girl to communicate with me in a way that lets her know I’ m not judging her – she’ ll much more readily open up on things she naturally identifies proudly with… So it will look more like: Me: Yeah I moved to Chicago about a month ago, I love that I can just grab a cup of coffee in the morning and write for a while before I even start on my day… Girl: Oh yeah, I moved here for work also, I teach autistic kids and there’ s a really good program for them here… See, because I went first and shared a piece of myself, agenda-free, she’ s going to reciprocate by doing the same – and what she does respond with will be infinitely more meaningful than something as trivial as her spaghetti skills. The result: I become the guy that likes her for the REAL her – that appreciates the things about her that she wishes other guys would appreciate. And as all my subcommunications are showing – It’ s On – at this point is she really gonna disagree??


Pick Up Fundamentals

10 Easy Steps for Text Message Success Text game is a skill-set like any other, it really takes time and experience to develop. This being said, here are some general guidelines... 1.) The first text you send should be purely value-giving. Meaning, it should be short, humorous/playful/flirty, and most importantly NOT REQUIRE A RESPONSE. Meaning, no questions like "what are you up to?", instead just share something witty/flirty. 2.) Convey emotion. Use things like ALL CAPS, ;-P emoticons, xoxo, !, to communicate what would normally come across via tonality, body language, and facial expressions. 3.) Exaggerate experience. In person our verbal emotional range usually varies from "cool" to "uncool". In text it's crucial to expand this range - so it's not "yeah I had a sandwich, it was alright" but rather it's "I've just had the world's most glorious sandwich, crafted by the hand of god ;-)". 4.) Multi-threading is huge. Change the subject lots. Also, never feel obliged to address a specific thread the girl introduces unless it's conducive to the overall pickup. Meaning, if I get a text from a girl like "oh that's cool, what time did you wake up?"...answering the question is really going to get me nowhere, so instead I avoid letting the interaction get predictable by ignoring the "wake up" thread all together. 5.) Know the power of not responding. If she sends me a predictable/boring/useless text, simply not responding can be incredibly powerful. 6.) Text only when you are in a happy, good mood. Do not text when needing validation or lonely. 7.) Follow questions with a playful thread. Any time I'm asking a question I follow it up with a flirty statement. i.e. "Are you around Thursday night? I know those chess club meetings can run late sometimes :-P x" 8.) Girls love receiving dirty text messages just as much as guys do. Be cautious when 58

Pick Up Fundamentals sending these before you've hooked up though.

9.) Get to the point. What can be said in 5 words needn't be said in 10. 10.) Have Fun! Send texts because they amuse you, not to elicit a certain response. All in all, texting is really about GIVING value. Meaning, if you're only texting to try to set up the meet, you're doing it wrong. I do a lot of texting when I've already got dates lined up, so that by necessity I can only give value since I'm too busy to meet up with the girl anyway. She should be excited when you text, like "oh look Ryan is texting me, I wonder what he's saying now...", and not "oh it's that guy from the club texting me, he's going to ask me on another date. So the majority of your texting should be playful banter, not necessarily trying to set up a date. And ofcourse, HAVE FUN with it. Send texts that make you happy, not texts designed to get a response. Be playful, push the boundaries, and above all - amuse yourself!


Pick Up Fundamentals

Pull Down – Pulling to Close Alright, lets get a little advanced here… You’ re in the club, it’ s 1am, club is in full roar, DJ blazing the latest club hit (for the second time of the night): Girl presses herself against you, kisses your neck. You take a swig from your vodka Redbull before another makeout. Yes, It’ s On. You: Ay, after-party at my place… The DJ keeps on it…


now it’ s T.I.’ s Whatever You Like.

Girl: Oh my God I LOVE this song! Dance with me! And she’ s sexy. So you dance. And you keep dancing. And now the club is closing. You: After party, woooo, SKO! Girl: I wanna dance, is there anywhere still open? And now you’ re asking the bouncers about after hours clubs… open…

I think Pink Elephant is still

Except you don’ t want to go to Pink Elephant, you wanna go home… You: After party at my place! Drinks and Wii Tenis! After party SKO!


Pick Up Fundamentals

Girl: Your place? Is it close? You: Yeah, it’ s right up there, Sko, SKO! TAXI! Girl: Christine, we’ re going to the after party! Of course “ right up there” is extremely relative… but irrelevant because now we’ re on track, it’ s we’ re ON. Or are you? … Here’ s where things go pear-shaped. You: Excuse me, Driver, could you turn on some music ? And you get to your place and play bartender with whatever you can rummage up… vodka and mango juice it is… And the girl is bouncing around like a… after party.



like a girl who just left the club expecting an

She’ s waking up your roommates and has commandeered your laptop to play for you all her favorite Taylor Swift songs. She takes periodic breaks from the playlist to text friends. And her phone is ringing… “ What? No I’ m just hanging out at… hanging out drinking… ok hold on… She’ s really cool, you’ ll like her.”

hold on, what’ s your name again?? Yeah we’ re Hey do you mind if my friend Sarah comes over?

Of course she neglects to mention that Sarah’ s been comfort-eating herself to sleep for the past 4 months after being dumped by her ex because of her 3 way affair with Ben and Jerry… But that doesn’ t matter because you tell her that it’ s better that Sarah not come because your roommates have asked you to keep it down. And you start making out. And she gets up to change the song.


Pick Up Fundamentals And you make out. And she pauses you to send an important text.

And you stand behind her and pull her tight against you. And she kisses you. And she walks across the room to pick up her drink. And you’ re losing it, and you know it. You lay down as she walks around the room feigning interest in the assorted keepsakes you’ ve collected from along your journey, pausing periodically to tweak the playlist. Her: Do you know any clubs that are still open? And in a last ditch effort you pull her down onto the bed with you and try to dry hump her into submission, thinking if you get her horny enough she’ ll sleep with you. But that never works as you already know. So where did it start going wrong? Well, like anyone with an elementary understanding of game, you understand that Energy Begets Compliance. The higher the energy level, the more compliance you get. That’ s why it’ s easier to pull to the bar or makeout on a “ WHAT!?!? You’ re crazy! Let’ s get drinks!” than it is on a “ Hey, I’ m thirsty, come with me to the bar… ” As the night progresses, you’ re trying to lay the foundations for a pull – moving her around the bar, physically escalating, etc – ideally varying the energy level as needed to maintain positive compliance. Problem is, as you get more excited by the increasing attraction and compliance she’ s throwing at you, and the notion of pulling becomes more and more likely, you naturally get excited and start making bolder moves. Your increased excitement, as well as the boldness of your moves leads you to game at a higher energy level… which seems fine at the time because it only increases her interest in you, but ultimately sets you up for difficulty later. Because the girl is now state-pumped she’ s going to be having a lot of fun in the club, seeing you as an integral piece of those positive high emotions. Sounds good except now pulling becomes a lot tougher… you’ re essentially stuck at the club until it starts winding down. Consider…


Pick Up Fundamentals

You: Woooo, let’ s dance! Her: Yaaayy! You’ re amazing! You: … SKO, back to my place! It just simply doesn’ t make sense… if you’ re having this much fun in the club at such a high state, why would you leave the club for a deflated state? The simple act of trying to pull here is in direct contradiction to the vibe you’ ve spent all night building. The pull is therefore dependant on either state preservation or continued state enhancement – either “ I know another club that’ s even better!” or “ This place is winding down, after party!” So if you do manage to leave before closing time, you’ re likely headed to another even louder more hectic club… or more likely, you’ re at this club until closing, when if you do leave with her it’ s under the pretext of either finding another club still open, or (best case) under the pretext of keeping the high energy state going with an after party at your place. Because her feelings toward you are anchored to that high energy state, you’ re essentially bound to it in the cab ride home – simply preserving the vibe while in transit. And you get to your place and that vibe is still there… she wants to listen to music, dance around, show you videos, the works… Maybe you hook up, maybe you don’ t, either way, you took the easy road earlier and now it’ s coming back to bite you in the ass… The Lesson: Pull Down I’ ll be the first to admit, it’ s very tempting to state-pump a girl and from there to utilize the compliance to move forward – even if it is counter-productive down the line. Instead, more and more these days when I’ m with a girl and it’ s on, my focus becomes to PULL DOWN. That is, actively pace and lead the energy level to as low a point as I can and sustain it there. I’ ve still got the flexibility to spike up, but I’ ll only do this if I absolutely need to, instead opting to ride out the low and even negative vibe to facilitate the pull. So at 12:00 while other guys are yelling “ Woooo, Let’ s Dance!” I’ m saying “ Aw man…

this is all a bit much for me, I need a drink”


Pick Up Fundamentals And at 12:30 when other guys are yelling “ Woooo, let’ s go to the bar!” I’ m saying “ Christ, I’ m pretty tired, come with me to the other room where we can sit and it’ s quieter”

And at 1:00 when other guys are wondering what the hell to do when the girl is spastically jumping around with her friends after being re-united with ‘ Girls Night’ , I’ m isolated in the corner saying something like: Me: Look, this club isn’ t for either of us tonight, let’ s just get out of here… need to be here anymore. Girl: But where will we go? Me: Doesn’ t matter, I just really can’ t be here anymore…

we really don’ t

So when we’ re in the cab, there’ s no assumption of an after party, no crazy texting to see where’ s still open. And by the time we get back to my house, there’ s no need for Wii Tennis or cocktails… it’ s fully congruent for me to simply climb into bed and let her follow. That’ s it. Efficiency of Movement.


Pick Up Fundamentals

Chapter 3 Self Actualization Fundamentals


Pick Up Fundamentals

Treating Yourself Like You Value Yourself In this closing chapter, I want to delve into the importance and benefits of a healthy lifestyle. I know, I know… no one likes to be told “ go to the gym” but today I actually want to approach it from a psychological angle and explore the immediate psychological benefits and social impact a healthy lifestyle yields. The relative principal here is Cognitive Dissonance – (thank you to the kind folks at Wikipedia for the following definition) Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously. The "ideas" or "cognitions" in question may include attitudes and beliefs, and also the awareness of one's behavior. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance by changing their attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors, or by justifying or rationalizing their attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors.

Or to put simply: anytime your actions are not in line with your beliefs your brain is not happy. Well, this simple semi-obvious holds a special relevance us that does not apply to most people. See, essentially when learning this game our challenge is to re-wire our brains as much as possible over as short a time-span as possible so as to align our thought patterns with those that are naturally attractive. In essence, to form new beliefs and identifications that are not necessarily justified by prior teachings, or more importantly, reference experience. A common trait among those who excel in this game is a high degree of cognitive mastery – an ability to actively shape their thoughts and beliefs based on what will serve them, as opposed to what meshes with their existing understanding and experience. Or essentially an ability to convince themselves of what they believe will be useful. Now when it comes to success in dating, what are some essential core beliefs? What are the catch phrases people are affirming and reaffirming to themselves? 66

Pick Up Fundamentals

“ I’ m the shit!” “ I’ m the man” “ I deserve this” “ She’ s for me” “ She should be with me?” “ I’ m the highest value person in this room” Ok, most likely you’ re not actively repeating these to yourself… but there’ s no doubt these beliefs are inherent to a high-value mindset held by a naturally attractive guy and ALL are representative of a single core belief – a level of self-value. Here’ s where cognitive dissonance comes in… I hate to break it to you, but if you’ re sitting in your basement from Monday to Thursday playing World of Warcraft and eating Cheetos it’ s going to be impossible to step to a hottie on Friday and feel “ I deserve this” … Fact is… it’ s impossible to successfully and consistently pick up girls without first feeling good about yourself. And guess what… cognitive dissonance means that it’ s impossible to feel good about yourself without behaving like you feel good about yourself… like you like yourself… like you value yourself. What does it mean to behave in a way that indicates you like yourself… yourself?

that you value

Suppose you value your car… You’ re probably washing it regularly, putting premium gas in it, taking it for checkups, rotating the tires, etc. Well, you’ re no different. When you value yourself - or at the very lease you don’ t hate yourself - you’ re going to make an effort to care for yourself… this means being at least minimally conservative with what you put in your body – eating at least decently healthy, taking in fruits and vegetables, cutting down on junk food. Beyond that comes maintaining a minimal level of physical activity. Personal hygiene and present-ability also fall into this category.


Pick Up Fundamentals

Beyond that, what you do for YOU is determined by just how much you value YOU. Here we move beyond simply caring for and maintaining yourself and into the realm of actively improving oneself. Things like adhering to a schedule, going to the gym, eating healthy breakfasts, pursuing activities that develop you physically, mentally, or spiritually. Taking classes, travelling, enriching your life. I’ ll tell you, I honestly do not know a single person who holds themselves in high regard who does not engage in the above activities. Now, as you read this, sit up straight, roll your shoulders back, and SMILE. How do you feel… a little happier?? The effect here is ‘ psychosomatic’ – or a backwards rationalization from the mind based on the body. The mind says “ Hey look at that, I’ m sitting up and smiling… . Usually I do this when I’ m happy, well I’ m doing it now so I must be happy” . Well, in this case, you spend your day productively – you eat a healthy breakfast, hit the gym, learn something, accomplish something, and all the sudden you’ re brain is bombarded with evidence that you’ re WORTH something. Then you go out, start that interaction and suddenly you feel a new strength in your own identity… you carry yourself with a sense of value, with a sense of self-worth. On a personal level, if I roll out of bed at 2pm, throw on some dirty sweats (possibly stained from the meatball sub I ate 3 nights before), and head out to get some grease breakfast from the 24hour diner… there is absolutely no way I can “ turn on the game” and socialize effectively. It’ s got nothing to do with the way I look… it’ s got everything to do with the way I feel. And on the flipside, when I’ m living in alignment – with the way I treat myself reaffirming the way I feel about myself, the world can tell and responds accordingly. Ultimately, the way I feel is derived from that over-arching sense of self-worth that’ s either their or not there depending on the physical evidence I spend all day every day acquiring. Are you worth it? Are you behaving like it? If you think you’ re brain is going to let these two exist in misalignment, you’ re in for a rude awakening. So choose your answer and solidify it… both internally and externally. 68

Pick Up Fundamentals


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