Rick Davis - Totally Useless Skills

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?ii

by Rick Davis illustrated by Kerstin Upmeyer

...to

Sisyphus

Published by Willowisp Press 801 94th Avenue North,

St.

Petersburg, Florida 33702

©

Text copyright 1994 by Rick Davis Covers, illustration, design copyright © 1994 by Willowisp Press, a division of PAGES, Inc. All rights reserved.

No

may be reproduced, stored in a any form or by any means, electronic,

portion of this book

retrieval system, or transmitted, in

mechaniccil. photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission

from the publisher. Printed in the United States of America

2468109753 ISBN 0^7406-707-3

Contents Introduction

How to Spot a Totally Useless Arm Stretching Arm Shrinking

5 Skill

Disappear Your Teacher's Head Mystery In The Middle Nose Breaking Balancing Act Ghost Pencils Magnetic Pencils Spoon Hanging Hot Dog! Floating Pencil

Finger Power The Longest Word Tingly Hands Mismatched Fingers Leap Through Paper

A Steel

Grip

We All

Fall

Down

Bogglers Can't Meet Pencils Invisible Ball

Chair Pick-Up The Disappearing Leg

Fake Spoon Bending The Straw Worm Hole In Your Hand Floating

Arms

'Em Up! Funny Money

Stick

The Big Secret Join The Institute Of T.U.S Bio

Diploma

7

8 9

Split Pencil

The

6

10 12

13

14 16 17

18

20 22 24 26 28 29 30 32 34 36 38 39 40 42 44 46 47 48 50 52 54 56 58 59

J

.

Introduction Welcome to the book. Tm here to help you it. Along the way, I'll let you in on some know. And at the end of the book little secrets ril tell you Hi.

through

I

.

.

BIG SECRET

So what It's

is

a

Totally Useless Skill

anyway?

something that you do that accomplishes

absolutely nothing.

A

Totally Useless Skill won't

make you money get you a grade, or put you on the soccer team, but it WILL amaze you, impress your

friends,

develop your coordination,

strengthen your self-confidence,

your social

life.

Hmm. Maybe after all!

and beef up

these

skills

aren't so useless

— Rick Davis

How to Spot a Totally Useless Skill •

Safe

•

Noncompetitive Nonaddicting

•

Requires no special

equipment •

Fun!

x"^^

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I

Arm Stretching Put both arms straight out in front of you.

Leave one arm where

it is

and

make a big circle with the other arm. Start by pointing to the floor, then the wall behind you, then the ceiling, finally,

and back to

^

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the beginning.

Your arm