R.Ilon Steele Revised Edltlon
HowTo
For MenOver35
ACREE REVIEUTERS o Steele is hardheadedly ing scenarios, with emphasis practical.He's workedout as on strategybasedon undersure-firea methodas you'll standing.Men interestedin approach find for bridgingthe sexual a no-holds-barred gap. generation will find this book unique, MICHAELPERKINS one of the most refreshing ScrewMagazine guidesavailable. Womennot o Steele'sunique style is involved in defining chauvinist behaviorwill learn a oneof nearlyconversational, pointsasa writ- lot, too. his strongest DIANEDONOVAN er. It makesfor easyreading ChicagoTribune and createsan atmosphere totallylackingin preaching. . Glovesoff truth!Far more His method of illustrating than a dating book. Bold, key points by telling actual harsh, funny, human, an pageturner.A storiesof his own missteps unpredictable makesfor mustreadfor divorcedmen. and his successes EDWARDHALDAMAN an interestingand engaging SingleFathersUnited way to learn. JOHNE. DEMPSEY DivorcedMen's Council o Solid advice presented in
an entertaining,sometimes hilarious,sometimestouching manner.Readthis book! KIRK MATTHEWS Denver Singles Alliance
o Steelepullson punchesas heexplainshow to attractthe young, from dresscodesto actions.Thehonestapproach and advice are unusually solidandexplicit- from sex and the young woman to analysisof her real motivationto step-by-step court-
. Otherbooksfor mengive pep talks and can't-miss opening lines. Steele cuts through that crap. His technique of settingupcrossroutines with the young womenyou are interested in puts you in charge. The Eleven Commandmentsof Courtship and Ten Commandments of Meetingwill work with women of any age.Justthis detailedadvice is worth the price of the book. RONMACDONALD SingleScene USA'slargestsingles paper
For TheManWhoRefusesTo Buy0r BullshitYoungWomen Revlsed Editlon This book offersrealisticmethodsandsoundadvicefrom a 46 year old man who has dated young women for the past ten years.Steeletells you bluntly who sheis, wheresheis, then how to meet,talk with anddateher. The principlesare basedentirely on understandinga young womanand her real motivationto datea man your age. karn why shewantsand needsto be your lover, then how to let it happen,not makeit happen. ANDERSTANDING18-24,25-29 AND 30-34 WOMEN IDENTIFTING WHICH ONES ARE INTERESTED IN OLDER MEN WHY S^E[E'S AFRAID AND HOW TO OVERCOMEHER FEARS HOW TO ACT, DRESS AND TALK TO INTEREST AND ATTRACT HER WHERE TO FIND HER AND HOW TO MEET HER SO YOU CAN TALK WITH HER NATARALLY WHAT TO ALWAYS SAY, NEVER SAY COARTING WHEN SHE KNOWS THERE'S NO WEDDING IN YOUR FUTURE GETTING THAT TOUGH FIRST DATE HOW TO BEHAVE ON DATES WITH HER SEDACING HER SLISTAININGYOARAFFAIR WITH HER ISBN 0-5he0b?r-5-h
TEIEVI$()N SH(IWS SeeDon Steeledo battlewith the bellieerenthostsand the ball bustersin their audiences: Montel Williams Jane Whitney JenrryJones Now available!All three showson a 2-hour tape. See informationat backof book.
RADI(IINTERVIEWS Listen as Don Steelereinforceskey pointsmadein the bookwhileheentertains andinforms.Over 150includine: John Gambling WOR Ken and Barkley KABC DanrryBonaduceWLUP SusanBray WWDB David Gold KLIF CharlesGovetteKTAR Tom Leykis KFI Jay ThomasKPWR Charlie Tuna KODJ Barry YoungKFW Larry Glick WDH " Mike Pintek KDKA GwenFaulconerKTOK SteveRussellKFAN SebastianWCCC Joe BohannonWBBM CarolynFox WHJY RandyMiller KBEQ SYNDICATED Morton Downey Jr. Doug Stephin Now available!Condensedto three9O-minuteaudiotapes. See information at back of book.
HowTo
DATE YOUNC WOMEN
ForMen0ver35
DATE Y(lUNG WOMEN
ForMen0ver35
Book and CoverDesign@ DYNAMITE
Caalogilrgin PublicationData Main entry undertitle: Steele,R. Don How To Dae Yourg WomenFor Men Over 35 p. cm. lncludesindex ISBN 0-9620671-5-6 l. Courship anddatiry 2. Relationships
Copyright @ 1999, SyndeeAnn WhiE. World righs rcserved. No part of this publication mry be storcdin a retriernalsystem,tnansmitEd,or rcpmducedin any way, includirg but not limited to phoocopy, magnetig or other record, without the prior agrcementandwritten permissionof the copyrightholder as well as the publisher
Printedby CentralPlains Manufachrredin the Unied Saes of America Fint Printing: March 1987 RevisedEdition 14thPrinting: Ocbber 1999
20 19 18 l7 16 15
To: CarlnAnn The young woman who taught me the most, the hard way. Thanks for the memories.
ACI{I{OWI.EDGMENTS Every book beginswith a conceptbut it takesconvictionto turn that idea into the printed word. I'd like to thank Barbara Kristenfor havingconfidencein me to do just that. It all began with her supportandbelief. Once writing begins,it takestenacity,disciplineand sacrifice. For your understanding andenduringmy sacrifice,Linda, Penny,Sue, Suzan,Syndeeand Vanessa,my sincereappreciation. Threeyearslater,someonehasto critiqueit. To everyfriendreviewer,thanksfor helpingme seethe forest not the trees,as well as for the vindicationandencouragement. Specialthanl$ to DJ Wilson and John Raphael,truly big picture editors,GeneBellevuenotablegrammarianas well as diplomaticquality controller,and SyndeeWhite, proofreader extraordinaire. Rqis ed Mition
Acknowledgements
To MichaelHoy,orwnerof LoompanicsUnlimited,thanksfor recognizinga winnerwaybackin 1988! A specialthanlc goesto the thousandsof guys who have written to give me what a writer needsmost-feedback,good old feedback.Withoutit, this editionwouldonly havein it what I've learnedthe hard wayduring the yearssince L987.
CONTENTS WHATTSIT ALL ABOUT? . . ., . . . . o ., . . Whots ReadingThis Book? . . . . . . . . . . . . . What YoutreAbout To Irarn . . . . . . . ., . . . TheProblem........ .................. Physical,Social, EmotionalDanger . . . . . . . . Find Her, Meet Her, thlk Wittt Her . . . . . . . . IntgrestfuId AttractHer . . . . . . ., . . . . . .,
.... ... . .... .. .. .... .. .. o.. . . . . . . . ., ... .... .. ..... ... .
U N D E R S T A NHDE R , . , ............... .. ... The Tlpical 20 Ygar Old . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Conflict And Confusion - Situation Normal . . . . . . . . . . The 20Year Oldts Agenda . . . . . . . . . . r . . . . . . . . . . . What She Knows AboutSex . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . UnderstandingAll l8-24Year Olds . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Forgethigh school, big tits, beauty queens,disco dollies . . . RebelsAreThe Ones r r . t . . o . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...... ... . H e r M o t i r r c s F o r D a t i n g Y .o. u. . . . . . . . .
20
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23 24 24 25 25
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W H I C H Y O U N G W O M E N. . . . .. Intgrested In WetreNot These . . . . . . . . . . What A Difference A Year Makes . . . . . . . 18-19,l9-20r20-2lr2l-24 . . . . . . . . . . . The Best Yourrgl.over . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . BOYFRIENDS
. o . ., . ., . . . .
T2 13 15 t7
r9
Which OnesHave Boyfriends? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29 BoyfriendsWho Are JustLeftovers . . . . . . . . . ., . . . .. . 30 BoyfriendsOfConvenience . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32 WHYYOUNGWOMEN...... ........ Why Not A Womm2l To 35? Why Not A WomanMy Age? Great, No Expectations! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . FarMoreThanBeauty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ., . . . . . . .
36 38 39 39
UNDERSTANDYOURSELF !.......
4l
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Without A Little Help From Your friends . . . . . . . . . . . . 42 Are You Still Alive? 43 YOURMCIIVES.......... .,... 45 r..... .. What A YoungWoman CanrrotBe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46 UnrgalisticMotivgs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . o . . . . . ., . . 46
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN HiddenMotiras
. . . . . . . o. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . o
Only ChangeIs Constant GET READY FORHER
49 50
53 53 YouRgFriends o.. r. r....... r r r.. t. I r.. r r.... 54 RealWorld SuccessStory . . . . . . . . . . . ., . . . . . . . i . 55 R e a d y T o T h l k . o . . . . . . . ! . . . . . . . t . . . . . . . . . . . . 55 C h , C h , C h , C h a 4 g e s . . . . . . . . . . o r . , . . , . . . . . . . o 56 YotRiderBrot |....... |....... |.. r......... o 57 YourPlacg ..... r r !.................. ! o.... 58 S m o k e . D r u g s . ! . . o . . . . . . . . r r . . . . . . , . . . . . o . . 58 B u S i n e s s C a r d. . . . . r..... r.. t.....,. o,.. r r.. 59 ReadyToShakg. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | . . . . . . . . . . 59 SlimAndTrim
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60 60 61 62 Haif ................ r r........... r...... 63 MouthAnd Teeth o r . . . . . . . . r, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . o . 65 GlaSSeS r. r. !. r....... r.. r.. o........ o.... 65 Everything Else . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . o . ffi LOOKINGGOOD ............ r.. ..... t.... o. D r e s s i 4 g W e l .l . . . . . . . . . . . ..... r... oor...... AbsoluteNoNots . ., t . o . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Plastic Surgery . . . . . . . . . . . . . r . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
T H E R I G H T A T T I T I , J D.E ...... O' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' 68 a A - -RelinglikeAnEqual .\tFfr t lnF . o..... o........ 69 V -W V - - l -
VgY
sfen T\wn -
70 7T 7l 72 73 OnNotBeing Too Nicg . . . . . . . t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75
Slow And Easy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . StepThree-Carch22.. r....... r r. o.... tgm G!+o-D^"-Jtgl, l't ltt Gotta Knory Whgn To Fold . . . (r+o" Ei"o - l'rve erEP Understandiqg The Competitors . . . Qran rirL,\ siv -- Accepting Your Fair Advant4ge . . ! . L,t,\/y Lrr,Yr
.r. Yvv
- f
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W o M E N F I R S T. . . . , . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Staning AtThe Ticp . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . o . . . The Big Breakthrough - Almost Women . . . o o . . . . . . . Iose A Battlg, Win Thg War . r . . . . . . . . . . . o . . o . . . .
79 83 83 84
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ETIIICS
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An Ethical Affrir With Her . . . . . . ., . . . . . . . . . . . r . 88
88 o o..... o....... o. r... VtrginsAre Only For Boffiends . . . . . . . . o . . . . r . . . . E8 89 r..... '.... BirthCOnfOl ........ '... r r.....
MightMakgsRight......
Contents C o L J R T H E R. . t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . r . . . . . . . . 9 0 Too Old To Marry Her, Now What?, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9I Courtship By Conversations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9l Rgluctance,ResistancgAnd Tgsts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93 PrgssureOr Persistgnce. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94 PatienceDuring Courtship . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95 Ifs An Act - ShetsNotAWoman . . . . . . o . . . . . . . . . . 98 Fuck Upts From The Reat World . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98 After Getting Good At It, Gods Takeover . . . . . . . . . . . . 103 The Courtship ProcessIn Action . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107 The Eleven ComrnandmentsOf Courtship . . . . . . . . . . ! . 1I 1 FINDHER. . . . . . . . WhgreTo Inok . . . . . . WhereNotTo lnok . . . No Nots While Looking
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. .113 . . .113 . .tl4 . . .120
t.. . .122 . ... ... . ...... MEETHER ............ AtYourOffice. . . . . . . . . . . . . ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' 'L22 Where SheWorks . . . . . . . . . . o . . . . . . . . . . . . r . . .I23 Wedding ReceptionOr krty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I24 ClassOr ClubMeeting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .126 . .126 W h a t T o D o \ W h e n M e e t i n g H. .e. r. . . . . . . . . . . . . OnShakingHands . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . o . . . . . . .t27 The lbn Commandmen$Of Meeting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 128 TALKWITHHER. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .130 WalkAMilglnHerShoes,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 130 DynamicsOf First Conversations. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 131 Onty Whgn ShetsIntgrested . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 132 OpeningLings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . r . . . . . .132 Talking With Her The First Time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 134 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .136 SgcondConversationsAndBeyond. WhatTo TalkAbout . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .t37 Inwiable Questions- Ethical Answers . . . . . . . . . . . . . 138 FifthCorversationsAndBeyond . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .145 . .147 F o o t l n M o u t h s t o r i e. .s. . r o . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...148 DAIEHER o.......................... . AccidentalOr keudo Dates . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ., . . . 149 RgalDates- DonttAsk . . o . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 153 Filst Dates . . . , . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | . . . . . .t54 What GoesWrong Before The First Date . . . . . . . . . . . . . I57
Xii
HOW TO DATE YO(NGWOMEN
Second Dates o . . . . . . . . . o . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .159 Third Dates And Beyond ., . . r . . . . . . . . . o . . . . . . . . 160 SEXWITHHER....... o.... o...... r. r.. An Analogy For Undenstanding . . . . . . . . o . . . . . . Seduction Follows Understandiqg . . . . o ., . . . ., . . Seducing Her . . . o . . . . o . . . . . . t ! . . . . . . . . . P H A S E T \ r y O. . o . . . r . . . . . . . Her Reasons To Keep Dating You . After Grand Times, Problems Begin S h e C o m e s T h e n G o g s. . . . . oo,
o..,161 . . . . 161 . . . . 161 . . . .L62
o... r...........166 o . . . . o . . . . . . . . . . tffi . . . . . . . o . . . . . . . . 167 oo. o......... o..1.69
WHoTSINCHARGEHERE? ..........
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What She BelievesAnd Really Wants . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 173 ActlikgAMan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . r . . . . . .174 BengvolentDictators. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .174 THE END
. t . . ! r . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
.L79
Dickin' Around With Nitroglycerin ., . . . . . . . . . . ., . . 180 Dods RecipeFor Trouble . . . . . . . . . . o . . . . . . . . . . . 180 She Changes,That Ends It . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .t82 D I S A D \ T { , N T A G E.S. . . . , . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . , , , . . 1 8 5 Men Get Hard On's, WomgnGet Hostile . . . . . . . . . . . . . 186 T a k e W h a t Y o u W a n t A n d P a y F o r l .t .. . . . . . . . . , . . . . 1 8 6 cLosING ADVICE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . t . . . . . . o . . 1gg l t t s W o r t h l t A n d S o l s S h e .. . . . . . . . . . . o . . . . . . . . . 1 9 0 Itll Have My Memories . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 190 UPDATED HELPFUL HINTS FROM DON AND HELOISEL93 SexualFavors . . . . . . . . r . . . . . . . . r r . o . . . . . . . . .t94 UpdatedAbsoluteNo Nots . . o . . . . ., o . . . . . . . . . . . 195 WhateverHappenedTo? . . . ., . . o . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .I97 UpdatetST-t95 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . o . . .199 AudioThpes ...........
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Body l-anguage:A Guide During Courtship And Dating r99 Office Politics: The Woman'sGuide To Beat The System . . 200 DonOnTV Shows. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2Ol S e m i n a r s. . . . . . . , . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . r . . . . . . 2 O l Consultiqg . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .202
FOREWORD Raised Mition How To Date YoungWmen came out in 1987. Each and every year since, about 400 men who want to know specific things write to me. Usually the guy didn t understandhow crucial sometopics and tactics are. So, to help buyers of the revisededition, here'sa sunrmaryof the key points. Readit twice beforeyou start the book. This makesit easyfor your to recognizethe relativeimportanceof topics as subconscious you makeyour way. SUMMARY:Followmy adviceaboutexerciseandgettinginto shape.Find andmeetyoungmenandmakefriendswith the ones youlike. Don t try to dateyoungwomenuntilyouarecomfortable dating older women. Dressing well and looking good are absolutelymandatory.Flip the book closed and read every sentenceon the backcover.The key: let it happer,don't mnke it happen. Rememberwhat ajerk you wereat age20 so you canunderstandwhereshe'scomingfrom. Only intelligent,independent, rebelliousyoungwomenareinterested in olderlovers.Many are in Acting 101 at the local Junior College.The youngershe is, the harderit is to meet,talk, date. Theyall wantto getmarriedandmakebabies,consciouslyor subconsciously, so "is this leadinganywhere"is alwayson her mind evenafter you get it going.Youare goingto fuck up time and again,so what?Learn from your mistakes.If you want to getmarried,you'rereadingthe wrongbook. The third most importantthing is to haveTheRightAttitude. Shehaswhatyou wantso you mustbe what shewants- aman, a real man, not a boy.Be a man all the time abouteverything. She'safraidyou will useandabuseher becausesheseesyou aspowerful.Slowandeasy.Let it happen.
you must havea string of pearls at leastthreepearls long to be relaxedand confident. That stateof mind is mandatory. To attract young women, you must be different from boys. Different works. It takestime for her to becomeinterested.You must be able to talk aboutthingsshecaresabout.Get informed.Subscribeto Listento her radiostations. olinnand Peoplemaguzines. Cosmop Watchher tv shorvs.Don't bother approachingher unlessshe's interested.Learnbody tanguageso you cantell from acrossthe room. Youngwomensendfar more subtlesignals. you mustbe a benevolent dictator.Youmustremainin charge. Shewantsa man, a real man. Shebelievesreal men are always in charge.Be in charge.Shewill testyouendlesslyto seeif you're in charge. Femalesof all agesare manipulativeas a way of life because they can't use brute force to get what they want from us men. Someof themcanbe re-trainedbut not many.That'sjust the way it is. Don t whine. Understand,acceptandbe prepared. Love is the grandestemotion,worth livirrg for andsometimes worthdyingfoi. whenit happens,not if ithappens,enjoyit, and her, for as lolg as it lasts. You causeher to changefar more quickly thanshewouldif shehadnevermetyou. Eventually'she witt wantto go on with her life. Whenit ends,asall goodthittgs must,don t 6k, "why ffi€, God?' Thkewhatyou uant from life, but remembereverythinghasa price. I sayit's worth anyprice. Enjry the memories. GET YOIJR MII\D RIGIIT Beforesteppingoff onto the slippery slopeof dating young women,takea fewmoreminutes.Readthe Contenrsline-by-lineIt helpsorganizeyour subcornciousso you learn more easily. Next,bJgindeveloplngTheRightAttitude,whichismandatory to dateyoungwome"l Uyreadingthe insideof the bac,kandfront covers. Okay,now it's time to get on with masteringthe art of dating youngwomen."Good Luck!' You won't know what that really meansfor about2OAPages.
Thereare no answers,only lessons. SUE TSUNODA-CARROLL January1987
Deep in Decemb€r,it's nice to remember. BELLAFONTE
whot',sIt All About? When you're 75 yearsold, what will give you pleasure? My pleasurewill probably come only from remembering. Thirty yearsfrom now, this is how it will happen. ThereI am, dozingin my wheelchair. Somebodynudgesme awake.I openmy eyesand seegiant tits strainingthe zippered front of a white uniform. I look up into the smiling black face of Mandy, the 20 yearold attendant.Shegrirn a toothy smile, *Time fo' sumsunshin',Donny." I nod politely, thendrop my eyes to her large bosom and stare. Something'sfamiliar. I struggleto remember. She pushesme down the hall toward the verandaof the GoldenYearsRetirementVilla, pleasantlychatteringaway. As shetalks, her dialecttriggersmy foggedup memory.Gradually percolateup, old images,smells,feelings,sounds,sensations I grin, startslobbering.In my mind, flood my consciousness. thereI am againwith my only black young lover, Genette.It's not 2016any longer,it's 1979. I haveher bra off but I can't get thesetight jeansdown over her wonderfullybig, 22 yearold hips. To teaseme sheputs on
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
her bestjive talk, "Shit! You whiteboysdon' kno' nuffin 'bout no black ass," grabsthe waist andpeelsthemoff, gigglingthe wholetime. I'm eatingher. She takesmy fingers off her nipples, and without a word, showsme I'm supposedto smashthosegiant tits againsther chest,rub them 'round and 'round. Shecomes hard. Secondslater shecomesharder.I get on and get us off, ttbof
us. "
Thirty yearsfrom now what will you remember? WHO'S READING TIIIS BOOK? When Hugh Hefner first askedBarbi Bentonout she said, "Well, I've, uh, never datedanyoneover 23 before." Hef respondedwithout hesitation,"That's okay. NeitherhaveI. " or knowledge.(Understatresources You don't haveHefneros ed, right?) You're 40 plus or minus a few, divorcedor about to be. You don't want to buy a youngwomanwith gifts. Someof you are experiencingthe roller coasteremotions immediatelyfollowing divorce or are acting out Middle Age Crazy.If that'syou, theseconditionshaveto be dealtwith and resolvedbefore attemptingto practice what I preach. While getting it together,or at least into a pile, prepareyourself. Believeme, there'splenty to do and learn. If you insiston goingafteryoungwomenbeforeyou're done with the emotionalaftermathof a marriageending, you'll set yourselfbacka year,that'sif you havea giantegoandthe skin of a rhino. Otherwiseyou'll get so humiliatedyou'lI be happy to keepdatingthat 38 year old divorceewith three kids. in, ro, that'swaytooweak.You're Finally,you'reinterested lusting after young females.Trouble is, you don't have the slightestideahow to meet,talk with and datethem. WIIAT YOU'RE ABOIJT TO LEARN Seenmany men datinggirls 18 to 24 yearsold? That's not themendon't wantto, now is it? Couldit be ten million because of them readthe book quotedbelow?The poor sapsthink all * they haveto do is walk up and spewone of the author's 100 BestOpeningLines." Theftrst, andreallytheonlythingit takesto pick up girls,is to talk to them.Basicallythat'sit. Youfind a chickwhoturns dimpleon youon,youstrollrightupto her,andyouSQ, 'Thrat
What'sh AA About?
your lefrlmeeis absolutelysensationnl!'.. . Ttmt'sallthere is to it. If you can do tlw\ you can really pick up girls. By the tntckloadsl nruC Wfnnn) HowToPickUpGirls:Feahrring Interviews Wittr 25 Beautitul Girls.
Do you supposeWeberreally believesthe only thing it takes "is to talk to them?"Maybethe25 beautifulgirls he interviewed werein his wet dreams?The "dimple" line andhis othersmight work if a Tom Sellecklook-alike"strolled right up" and tried it. That's assumingthe "chick" could keep from laughing hysterically,an assumptionvery few men with three-digitIQ's would make. This is not a book of interviewswith young women and a writer's disguisedguessasto whatit all means.This is a how-to bookby a 46 yearold manwho hasdoneit for thepastten years and continuesto do it. I explainhow to makeyour fantasiescometrue but right now that's exactly what they are, fantasies.You are going to learn how white, or raisedwhite, middle classyoung womenthink, what's importantto themandwhattheywantfrom a nnn. You'll know what you haveto be andlook like to attracther. I explain where to find her, how to meet her, what to say to her, principlesof courtingwhenyou're 20 yearsolder than sheis, whather realmotivesarefor datingyou, how to behaveon dates and how to seduceher. I tell you the must do's as well as the You're going to know what she has to offer and what you absolutelycannotexpectfrom her. You will end up knowing what it really takes for a fortyish man to date a twentyish woman. My experiencesare here for you to learn from, good 'When ones,funny onesandhorror stories. donereadingyou'll avoid many of the mistakesI madeas you learn the complex, delicaterituals andcourtshippracticesinsisteduponby a young womaninterestedin an older man. But you haveto learn by doing. If you want to break, then ride a horsa,? wild youngrnare,you can't reada book thensit on the corral fencetheorizrngaboutit. You have to climb on and get thrown, againand again.Eventuallyyou'll realiznyou must talk gently to her, letting her know you intend no harm, showingno fear while radiatitrg,"I'm in chargehere." When
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
you can do that she'll let you mount her and won't buck you off. There are 13 million young womenout there. At this very momenta half a million of themarebeingcourtedby mentwice their age.Tensof thousands arehavingaffairswith anolderman right now, loving everyminute.So how do you get involved? You alreadydate women, right? No matter how old she is the stepsarethe same:find-meet-talk-date. What's the problem then, you ask? THE PROBLEM. Clearly stated,you don't know how to: (1) find her (2) meether and (3) talk with her. Dating follows naturallyif you conversewith her correctly,basedon the rules of engagement assheunderstands them.Presentlyyou solvethis three-partproblemseveraltimeseachyear, the only difference is the female'sage. Find Her. Where do you find womenright now? At work, in bars, attendingclasses,through friends, at parties and places,like the post office. sometimesin the mostunexpected You find young womenin the sameplaces!No shit, you say. Well, everywhereexceptbars. Forgetthem, muchmore later. My point is, findingher is not a big part of thisproblem.You havetheprimaryresourceto solveit sittingon top of your neck, your big head,not to be confusedwith your little head,which often preventsa solutionto any part of this problem. Meet Her. It's no different from meetinga woman. You introduceyourself,someoneintroducesyou or sheintroduces herself.You havenearlyall the skills andresourcesright llow. This partof theproblemis solvedwith only yourbig head,some chutzpaand learninga few techniques.But that's after, only after, you understandher, what shewantsfrom you and what she'safraidof. Talk With HeF.Look closelyat this one.It is madeup of two tasks.TaskA is deliveringan openingline thatwon't makeher laughat you or scareheraway.For Christ'ssake,don't useany from How to Pick Up Girls, okay?Task B is sustainingthe long enoughfor her to realizeyou are (a) safe(b) conversation interestingand (c) attractive. the essential ESSENCBOF THE PROBLEM. The substance, difference,thecore,or, to put it moresuccinctly,theentiregod damnedthing comesdown to Task B with its four sub-tasks.
Wlnt'sIt AAAbout?
5
Susnined&ntacL You haveto talkwith her for a minimum of four or five minutes.At this point you don't knowmuchabout talking with anyoneunder 25. You don't yet havethe ability to carry on a conversationshecan, like, relateto. You know, like, on her level. Simple, you know, like friendly, relured, You know, like, well, totally casual.No, they're not all air heads *casual' is whateverylastoneof themneeds or valley girls. But to realizeyou'rd not dangerous.She is afraid you might be physically dangerousas well as socially and emotionally dangerous. PhysicalDanger. Shethinlrsyou couldbe the Night Stalker's brother or a dirty old rnantrylng to cop a feel. Being relaxed and friendly makesit possiblefor her to seeyou're safe. You do this with women. Young womenjust take longer. But it isn't how much longer it takesher. The real problem is your lust, your excitement,your impatience,your lack of confidence,your fear of rejection.Thesecombiro, causingyou to radiatebadvibrations.Shepicksthemupandthinls you could ul-ater,old man,' be very dangerous , Lt which point shesays, with or without words. SocialDanger. You'll soonlearnhow to controlyourselfand your emotiornwhentalking with her. Thenyou mustfigure out how to calm her fear of the threatyou poseto her socially. In simpleEnglish,you learnhow to not be director obvious.You have to be casualenoughso she doesn't have to worry her friends,peers,andpossiblyherboyfriend,will ridiculeor reject her if she'sseentalking with you. The problemis not her fear, it's you but not your emotions. You haven'tmasteredtheart of beingcasual.It is not necessxr!, often counterproductive,to use a slow easy approachwith women.If you aren't casualwhentalkingwith a womanin front of her friends, she'snot worried, "He was trying to pick me up. So what?" A youngwoman'snot only worried aboutbeingseentalking with you. Shehasfar more to loseby datingyou. If her friends find out shewill be ostraeized.No youngmanin her circleswill considerher as a wife, feeling she is usedmerchandise,some old man'scastoff. The way our world workspeopleonly smirk aboutyou but theystronglycondemnher, callingher sick, a gold
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
digger, promiscuousor a slut. With patience,her view of you associallydangerouscanbetransformedinto the realizationyou are discreet,subtleand sensitiveto her situation. Emotional Danger. She thinks you're so powerful, so youwill beableto sexuallyuseher,thendiscard knowledgeable, her. This is her biggestfear. Althoughthis soundsimpossible to overcome,it isn't. I spendfewerpageson thisthantheothers. Trial and error, mostly error, will teachyou what to do. INTERESTING At{D ATTRACTING HER. I don't mean to be glib but after you know how to deal with her fears you only have to be yourself. Of course you have to look like someoneshe'd like to talk with but that's all explained.Then you have to religiously follow the Ten CommandmentsOf MeetingandtheElevenCommandments Of Courtship.You must alsohave"AnswersTo InevitableQuestions"downpat. At that point you only haveto get up, dust yourselfoff and get back on every time you get thrown. Like Paul Hornung said, "Practice,practice,practice." TIIE PROBLEM CLEARLY RESTATED She'safraidandyou don't knowhow to put her at ease.There it is in one simple sentence.Some elaboration.The only differencebetweenfinding, meeting,talking with and dating a 37 year old and a 20 year old, is learning how to calm and neutralizethe younger woman's far more intensefear of the To do that, you must UnderstandHer. consequences.
Helpfulhint: If youdidn'ttaketimeto readtheForeword,take a momentbeforeyoucontinue. It setsthestagesoyoucanlearn more, and remember it much more easily.
The only person more conftned about W tlmn an adolescentfemale is a middle aged rnnn. UNKNOWN WISE PERSON
UnderstandHer I describethe unsettledlife andtroubledtimesof the tlpical 20 yearold who canbecomeinterestedin datingan older man. When you understandher you onty needto know, on average, youngeronesareworsein everyway, betterin none.The older onesare better in every way, worse in none. Double the generaldisarrayof this 20 year old's life for a 19yearold. Quadrupleit for an 18yearold. If she'sstill in high school,multiply by ten. For eachyearpast21 her problemis reducedby twenty five percent.A 23 year old living away from homehas eliminated two thirds of the 20 yearold's negativesituation,if shehasno kids. With evenone,her problemsaretwentytimesgreaterthan any 18 yearold's. A coupleof yearsout of high schoolher old world falls apart. Friends move away or marry and have kids, others stay at collegeall year. She's standingwith one foot in the teen age world, the other in the adult world, tt 20. However,a femaleof 22retairnall thegoodqualitiesof being young but has discardedmost of the baggageand burdensof youth. With her enlargedsenseof self she's much simpler to deal with, requiring far less time and energy on your part initially and throughoutthe affair. But, I had to find out for myself about18 year olds. You will too, probably.
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
TIIE TYPICAL 20 YEAR OLD Shelives with a coupleof roommatesbut only recentlyleft home. She'sneverlived with her boyfriend.Shehasa job or is going to college.She has a car. She doesn'thave a drug problem. She may have had an abortiotr,the odds are 80-20 againstit. Her IQ is 110.Shegaveher first handjob at 15, then gaveup her virgimty at the JuniorProm.Her bestsexwaswith someguy shepickedup oneweekendin Palm Springs.He was 26 but nevercalledwhenshegot backto LA like he promised. Shesmokesmarijuanaor snortscokeat partiesand at home when she'sbored. Shedrinks at home,at partiesand in clubs and bars wheresheseesherselfas a grown up. She'snot shy but not a rowdy extroverteither. Shefollows fashionbut isn't a trendyperson.She'shad the sameboyfriendfor a year and a half. At 23, he still lives with his parentsand has a job, sometimes. To really understandher, get your fogged up memory working.Thinkback20 years.Whatwasit likebeingpowerless? What was it like to only havea few dollars?What was it like thinking everyonewas watching you? What was it like not knowing what you were doing, having to bullshit your way through?Rememberwhatanassholeyou were at20. Recallhow totally cool you pretendedto beoactinglike you knew all about life and love. She'sno different. CONFLICT AT{DCOMUSION - SITUATION NORMAL She'sinternalizedmost valuesour culture sanctimoniously preachesbut she'sbeginningto noticewidespreadhypocrisy. Sheis questioningthe rationalityof someideasandis considering the possibilitythat manyrulesfor behaviorare wrong, not just for her, but for all societY. Strong,conflicting emotionsgeneratedby her own mutually exclusivevaluesandgoalscausemoodsto comeandgo without for it warning. Sheoften feels out of control and compensates self-contradicting a short, In anything. by believingin something, blendofJerryFalwell's,Ann Landers'andHelenGurlyBrown's rules and regulations. She'strying to becomethe womanshehastackedup on the wall insideher head.Comparingherselfto that idealeverydilY, shefinds herselflacking.Sheis confusedaboutlife, love, sex,
Understand Her
marriage,babies,career,parents,boyfriends,loversandon and on. Her life is a jumble. Unsettledaboutthe future, shedecides "onceandfor all' at leasttwicea month.She'sinsecurebecause of her lack of knowledge,experience,power, money and independence. Whencomparingherselfto otheryoungwomen, sheseesonly their facadesof self confidence.Having no idea her friendsarejust asuncertain,shefeelsisolated,alone.The more insecureshe is, the more shecoversit up. She appears aloof, cool andsophisticated, especiallyto you. Thoughtsandfeelingsarisefrom nowhere.Shewantsto stab her Dad and chokeher 13 yearold sisterbecausethe brat gets to do everythingshewasforbiddenat that age.Shefeels"sick" for wantingto feel her co-worker'sbig tits. Guilt ariseswhen announcingshedoesn'tgo to churchanymore.After masturbating shewondersif God wasreally watching.Sometimesshe's so terribly lonelysheseriouslyconsiderskilling herself.To her there's no reason for these feelings. Her problems seem monumental.Shehasno ideait's normal, late adolescentdues paying. Shehasno perspectivefrom which to judge. For monthssheknowswhat sheis andwhat shewants,then suddenlyshe has a changeof heart. No longer doesshe want to be a CosmoGirl, shewantsto be a trendy teenageragain. Six weekslater shechangesher imageto YuppieIn Training. After working in anoffice for a half ayearshercalizeshow hard it is to makemoney.Then shegoesto a romanticmovie with Jimmy. They talk aboutgettingmarried.Shedecidesshe'dlike to stayat home,&trivy coveredcottage,andraisetwo cutekids. Shebelievesthatif shedoestheright things,eventuallyshe'll be rewarded.To her there'sonly oneright way to do anythitrg, including having a relationshipwith a male. You're a male. Prepareyourself. "It will be easywhen I'm 25," is one of her deeplyheld beliefs.Shethinksshe'llbe ableto copeeffectivelywith "men," parentsandlife in general.All youngpeoplethink everything's supposedto go smoothly.They haveno idealife is nothingbut a seriesof obstacles,feelingGod or fateis punishingor testing them when a problemcomesinto their lives. Whenshemeetsa malein society'sacceptable agerangeshe seesonly a potentialhusband.Sheandher counterparts believe
rc
HOWTODATEYOUNG
in the nuclearfamily andwant to be the centerof onesomeday. The differenceis, in her family everyonewill be happy: She thin*s shecan make it work, just as you and I did. Don't argue or try to convinceher shenswrong about this belief or any others.Only offer your views if pressedseverely. It is not usefulto debatewith her. Life, andyou're part of life, will eventuallyprove how ridiculousand hlpocritical most of our culture's rules, traditionsand gender-specificgoalsare. The self conceptshedevelopedfrom six yearsold until she startedher period is lurking in the background.Her new self is solidifyingbut it's in constantjeopardyassheconfrontsmore and more of what the adult world hasto offer, includingyou. Understresssheturnsinto a brat of elevenyou'd loveto strangle or a frightenedfive year old you haveto hold on your lap. She feels tike a failure from her sophomoreyear of high schoolon, if shedoesnot havea boyfriend.It doesn'tmeanshe won't havean affair with you whenshehasone. It only means he ensuresshewon't haveto stay homeon Saturdaynight. Shewantsto be independentbut fearsbeing alone.Shewas raisedto be a virgin whenshemarriedbut "doesit" all the time with Jimmy. Shedreamsof being rich and famous.Sheenjoys pretendlngshe'san adult but likes to be babied. Sheandmostof her friends,maleandfemale,havewhacked outparents- neuroticparents,dyrngparents,divorcingparents, Jesus freak parents, alcoholic parents, possessiveparents, neglectmgmothersor molestingfathers.Shewantso-u-t, out. oteases' Shehatesher job, it's menialandboring. Her boss her abouttaking her on a "business"trip andkeepswantingto rub her back. d Her friends are only fair in good weather.Debbie,her best friend, ws kissingJimmyat theparty lastweek.But, shewants her friendsto think she'scool. Shewantsto makelots of motrey, spend it on cool clothes, cool cars, cool travel, or betng *totally' cool. She and her counterpartsare superficial not becausethey are genuinelyphorry,but becausethe world's still a bit too big for them. She is experimentingwith life, testing herself to see how powerful she really is. At the sametime she's searchingfor a itable identity, choosingand rechoosing,Inarriageor college,
UnderstardHer
II
getting a job and moving out or staying at home and doing nothing. It is a time of stressand pressureyou haveforgottenabout. To her the stressand pressureare real even if, to you, it is lightweight,solvablestuff. When shemeetsyou shesuspectsyou're married and lying about being divorced. Don't press the point. She considers herselfsophisticated for beingsuspicious. She'sstill becomingthepersonshe'sgoingto bewhileyou're trying to un-becomethe personyou've been.You're trying to returnto adolescence. She'sleavingit behind. YOU CAUSE E\MN MORE COMUSION Justyesterdayafternoonshewaslying in your annscontented asa puppywith a full tummy. Today,after a fenderbender,the whole universeis falling apart. She'sconfusedby the flood of emotionsyou causein her. During one week she feels elated, guilty, foolish, sexual, womanly,appreciated, accepted, curious,ignorant,naive,inept, silly, whorish, glamorous,sad, sensual,romantic,grown-up, lustful, horny, sated,terrified,brave,embarrassed, proud, shy, exhibitionistic,childlike,daughter-like andahundredothersyou and I can't empathizewith. Carla andI were lying in bed after superborgasmicsexthat lastedfor a half an hour. As the glow faded,shesaid in a tiny, painful voice, "A year ago I was a virgin! Thingsare not like they told me." She thinlc she must be in love, otherwiseshe woutrdn'tbe having suchgrand sex with you. At the sametime shethinls, oftenout loud, *What ilm I doing?"She'sbreakingall the rules and getsa chargeout of doingjust that. But, on her way home shefeels like a cheapslut for suckinga 45 year old cock. She'svolatile,impulsiveandirrational.Her confusiondrives you $azy. Shepicks a fight so shecanbreakup with you. She cancelsa dateand makessure you know on somelevel she's going out with a boy. She's young, confusd, ignorant and scared.If your affair's beengoing for three monthsor more, add bored. Soundsprettynegativ€,right?Well, my friend, I choseto tell you the badnewsfirst. Wtry?Becauseif you think everything's
12
HOWTODATEYOUNGWOMEN
golng to be easyor you're not interestd in taking the bad with the wonderful, you can put the book down now. Call up that 38 year old with threekids. Or, you canget back to important activities, like watchingtv or hangingout in bars. If you're serious about young women, keep reading and absorbthe negatives.Digest them. Mull them over. They are key to understandingher, somethingyou must do before you can ever hope to talk with her, let alone date her. In a few chapters,you'll get the goodnews. TIIE 20 YEAR OLD'S AGBI\DA on the She'sprimarily interestedin gettrnga husband-to-be year of a her hook. (Much more later in Boyfriends.)It takes going steadyto feel she'sgot him under control. Oncethis is accomplishedshewantsto seewhat she'sbeen missing.Shegoesdancingor to partieswith "the girls' where shepracticesinteractingwith new boys and young men. After a few months she's ready. Her experimentationbegins with anotherboy, her naive versionof an affair. Sheenjoysthe excitementof gettingawaywith somethlngbut then realizeshe's only a boy just like Jimmy. Shewantsto try a28 yearold on a "man,' so shefindsone,RandyRedPorsche, Hebangsheron Thursdaynightswhen singtes'barprofessional. she's"out with the girls" andon MondaynightswhenJimmy's "out with the boys." When Jimmy finds out, he breals up with her. But soon, getsboredandtrashesher. ShebegsJimmy to take RedPorsche her back. He does.Eachclaimsto havediscoveredhow much he really lovestheotherafteronly four weeksapart.Theyprove it by exchangingweddingvows. In reality they're both terrified of the singleworld, so they flee to the "safety" of marriageand a "dependable"Partner. If Iimmy won't takeher back shetries a brief but uninspired crackat singlelife. After gettingscrewedliterally andfiguratively by oneuserafter another,two thingsarepossible.Either she becomesas plastic as the rest and startshangingout in pickup bars.Or, if you're lucky, shedropsout of the swtngmgsingles' world and datesseveralyoungmen sheknew from high school or met at collegeas she searchesfor anotherhusband-to-be. If you meet her after the breakup you have a much better chancewith her than beforeher first fling. If she'sabandoned
UnderstardHer
t3
the bar sceneyour chancesimprove ten times. If she and her boyfriend are working on their relationshipyou're chancesare a hundredtimesbetter. "Working on' meansshe'skeepingher freedomto dateor he is. Theygo out with eachotheronly when lonely, boredor horny. Backup a bit. Let's assumeshewasn't goingsteadybut was living with her boyfriendfor a year. At first sheenjoysplayinghouseandactinglike a growtr-up, at leastwhat shefantasizesadultsbehavelike. As time goesby it becomesapparentthis is not as much fun as it shouldbe but shedoesnot discussit with him, sheonly complainsto her girl friendsor her mother. The younger,the more shefeels she's missingout on what her contemporaries are experiencing. If shehasn't given up on her mini-marriageshetries to go out with the girls. He feelsinsecureandreactsaccordingto his personality, machoingout and insisting she stay home or wimping out, actinglike his whole world is ending.No matter which way he reactsshe'sso angry shefeelsfree to cheaton him anddoes,with the first maleof any agewho treatsher nice. Her motive is to hurt him and get him to change,meaning shehas to get caught.If Jimmy's too trustingor too dumb to figure it out, she confessesin order to create the scene(s) necess ary for Jimmyto change.You arepayingattentior,aren't you? This couplestrugglesalonguntil they get marriedor one of themmeetssomebodynew, andleaves.If a primarymotivefor movingin with him wasto escapeneuroticparents,shewill live with a couple of girl friends while she looks for a new husband-to-be. Theseeventsaretypicalfor thosewho don't marrywithin two yearsout of high school.Shehas this experiencebetween17 and23, dependingon her maturity,but for mostit happenswhen she's20, plus or minusa year. WIIAT SIIE KNOWS ABOUT SEX Mummy andDaddypoundedit into her youngheadboysare only interestedin one thing. By the ageof 20 shebelievesit. Every male to datehas tried to pack her pipe within hours or on the seconddate. The exceptionis her boyfriend, he was "honorable"for at leastfor a month.
14
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
Her actual experienceis mostly mediocreintercoursewith possiblyone good, not great,lover. Contrary to the media's exploitation,mostyoungwomenengagein sexualrelationsonly with fiancesor steadyboYfriends. However,whenshedoesn't haveaboyfriend,a tikable,young enoughto marry guy (22-29)datesher easily and gets in her pantsquickly. He has a wide choiceof young womenand she knows it. Experiencehastaughther to "get it on" or he won't be back, thenthere'll be no chanceto hook a potentialhusband. After ten or more of theseencounterswhich takeplacebetween boyfriends,shefinally rcalizestheseyoung men are using her intlrrse desireto becomeQueenFor A Day to get her on her back.At thatpointshebeginsplaying"The DatingGame"much rougherwithall males,includingyou. She'sreached23 or 24 by then. . . The young men who precedeyou think eating pussy is somethingone doesonly to get head in return. They are not consernedwith her pleasureor enjoymentexcept for Randy Redporsche'syoungerbrother, DannyManly. He wantsher to believe he's srryerstud so she'll rave about him to her girl friends. He hopls word will get backto his buddiesso they will thir,ft he's a "real man." Other boys andyoungmen, including her boyfriend,don't encourageher to takean activepart in any sexualactivitiesexceptwhenthey want a blow job. She'sonly a notch on their guns. But eachand every time, shehopedto be loved. Inmy experienceonly afew youngwomenhaveeverachieved orgasm6 the result of a young partner'sactions.And, with accident. rontr of them,it wasonly an accident,anunrepeatable as times' few first the (Don't concern yourself with this and just intercourse, give in to explainedin Sa WithHer.)Most themoviesor her trashy in like not it's pleasurable, it's alihough novels. romance Shebelievessex is okay, it feels good but it's not all that about.After all theexcitement's great.Shecan'tunderstandwhat in 30 to comes hs Iying to her andmanipulatingher for weeks, just 90 seconds.Sheandher contemporaries don't haveanygreat experiencesthey're trying to repeat' young-dir.ouered, womenrarely needsex like their older counterparts by about 28, that priests and all other who've
UnderstardHer
I5
purveyorsof anti-sexpropagandawere, and are, full of shit. Very seldomwill you meet a young womanwho loves sex. Thosewho do beganearly.They'rerebellious,independent and havelearnedto takechargeof their own orgasms.If she'shad an older boyfriendwho couldsustainintercourse,shefinds sex wonderful,fun and nourishing. IMR FIRST OLDER MAN she heardaboutdirty old men as shewas growing up. The tone of voice anddisapprovingfacesmadeher fear older men. Whenshewas 14, Mr. Pious,the Sundayschoolteacher,Mr. Boneher,the History Teacher,Dr. Feelit,her pediatrician,or evenher own Uncle Dick, tried to fuck her. Shedidn't expect it. Shetrustedhim. Shethoughtit wouldbesomestrangerhiding in a dark alley. All this is in the backof her pretty head.Don't eventalk like the man Mummy warnedher about. EXPERIENCE CAh[ IIELP, BI,IT Most limit themselves to youngmales,you know, marriable. That's why they're disappointed,unfulfilled and interestedin you. An experienced 21 year old's ideaof varietymeansa tall boy, a muscledboy, a blackboy, a chubbyboy andfor a radical thrill, Randy RedPorsche'sroomie, the 29 year old Sammy SilverBeemer. Living with a boy doesnot help her all thatmuch.It doesget her over themysteryof sex,helpsclearup unrealisticideasshe had aboutmaleplumbinganddoesawaywith old wives' tales. Those who have lived with their boyfriendsare sexually experiencedto his level, meaningthey havetried everythinghe knows. She doesn'tget to learn how to really enjoy heiself becausehe is so limited in his knowledgeand ability. If she attemptsto beassertivehe'sintimidatedandmanipulates her out of experimenting with anythingexcept"swallowingit" or trying the "backdoor." I]I\DERSTAI{DING ALL 18.24 YEAR OLDS Young women, even girls as young a 14, have the same undesirable,unpleasant qualitiesof adultwomen,theyarecatty andviciouslycompetitiveovermales.Don't be surprisedif you haveto contendwith the 17 yearold sisterof your 2l year old lover vying for your attentionand favors. Althoughthissoundslike it mightbefun, it isn't. It turnsugly
16
HOWTODATEYOUNGWOMEN
quickly if either getsher egobruised.One will threatento tell dad or the other'sboyfriend. RANDOM THOAGHTS. The world feels new and fresh to the young. They sincerelyfeel it canbe changedandthey think they're the oneswho cando it. Neverbe cynicalor laughat her idealism. Young femalesneedto be huggedand cuddled. When you get the chancegive her plenty of both. They are not comfortablewith competitionor competlng exceptwith eachother for males. Don't stresswinning when invoived in any sport if she's around. Don't drive like it's Memorial Day at Indy. Don't play any gitmeswith her if you sharethe view of Al Davis of the Raiders,"JustWin, Baby." gilmeseriously. Don't let her win but don't takea backgammon levels Girls fromthe extremeupperandlowersocio-economic too have they matters, younger. Nothing intercourse experience them. discuss I much or too little. don't The girl who placeshigh value on academicachievementis strikeoutcity. Her focusis in thewrongplaceto enjoyyou while she'spleasingher parentsor societywith a high GPA. None of them fuck tike they dance.None of them fuck like they dress.They haveno ideahow overdonethey are in these two areas. Her soapoperas,televisionprogramsandtrashnovelshave convincedher "sugar"comeswith theterritory. She'snot really a gold digger.Shejust thinl$ that'spart of thedeal.Squashthis conceptearly on and I meanright away. However, it is okay to be somewhatnice to her. Take her placesJimmyneverwould. Small, inexpensive,thoughtfutgifts areappropriate.Biggerthingscomelater,atthesametimeyou'd give tttr* to a woman you enjoyed dating for months and months. When shebeginsreadingCosmopolitanyour star shinesfar brighter. Buy her a subscriPtion. There is a period eachyear when you can count on a thin supptyof youngwomen,ElectionDaythroughNewYear'sDay. nfbst-grit their teeth and endurehorrible treatment.by their boyfriinds or put off breakingup with a someonewho bores themshitless.Theirworld will end,theyfeel, without"someone
Understand Her
17
special"in their lives duringthe holidays. Even worse, they get seriouswith anyonethey're even casuallydatingin Novemberto ensurethey cansharl "the joy of Christmas." Watch outl This includesyou. Tactfully tiep your distancebut sendor give her a nice gift. Stayin contact. She'll recoverfrom this culturallyinducedmadn.ri just in time for a truly importantevent,the superBowl. GENEML ADVICE. Loweryour desirefor physicalbeauty from 9.5 to 7.5 and watch fifty percentof the competition disappeat.If you concentrateon 9.0 and above you'll be frustratedandhumiliatedmostof the time. Stickwith 6.5,s to 8.0's. From my experiencethe youngwomanwho is average looking with an averugefigure is easierto meet,a much nicer person,a betterhumanbeing, &swell as being more fun than anystunninglookingone.Shefeelsappreciated for thefirst time in her life. Sheis. Forgetthe high schooleF.Her headis up her assandwill be for two more years.Proms, football gilmes,Friday dances, Jimmy'sbitchin', totally rad, new Vee Dub convertible. Forgetthe bi? tittedgirL The competitionis, pardontheputr, too stiff. Everymalewithin500milesis interested. If you insist, nevermentionher figure anddon't evensneaka peekat those doubleD's. Forgetthe beautyqueen Or anybeauty.The competitionis, pardonthe sitmepun, too stiff. She'sableto pick and choose andshe'sheardit all beforefrom practicedexperts.Too much trouble,thinksshereallyis a princess.Besides,youhavetq deal with the attentionsheattractsno matterwhereyou go. people noticeand rememberyou beingwith her. Not a gr{atidea. Forget the discodolly. She'sthe onewho spendstwo hours gettingreadyfor work, threehoursfor the disio. Her $70 hair cut requires90 minutesfor curling andspraying.Shewearsthe latest,most expensiveclothes,usually$$O worth just to go dancing.She'sconcernedonly with image,too insecureto be herself,while lookingfor a discodick to impressandmarry. Forgetall born agains.And girls with doves,fish or "I Love " symbolson their carsor aroundtheir necks.They look Jesus normal.Somecaneventalk normal.Believebrother,believe. They'remarchingto thebeatof a differentdrummer.SayAmen.
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WOMEN HOWTODATEYOUNG
WHIM DRMN. The younger,the more ruled by instant gratificationthey are. For example,a 22 yearold canagreeto a trip to Palm Springsin two weeksand wait, thenturn down a "betteroffer" threedaysbeforedeparture.A typical 19 year old hasdifficulty keepinga dateto go night skiing at Big Bear threedaysfrom now. If girl friendscall andwant her to go to Vegasa few hoursbeforeshe'sdueat yourplace,she'llcall and maybe. apologrr.,e, As shespendsmoreandmoretimewith you themorerealistic shebecomesno matterhow youngsheis. Justbeingaroundyou hasa tranquilizingeffecton her. No longeris everythingruled hourby hour. In only a monthshe'sthinkingaheadtwo or three daysat a time. Eventuallyshecanplan from weekto week. If you lastlong enough,from monthto month.You'll nevermake it until she's able to think, plan and executesix months in advance. As I'm writing this I'm planninga trip to Hawaii with a 19 year old. Our affair hasbeengoing for nine months.Recently she'slearnedit is possibleto plan atread.Two monthsinto the relationshipshe was still so impulsiveshe ruined a three day weekendnot beingableto turn downa "betteroffet" at the last moment.We survivedmy ensuingexplosion.I won't predict if it'll be Aloha or Adios in two moremonths. TEDDY BEARS.The youngersheis, the more suspectyou shedragsalongherTeddyBear,a femalefrietrd, are.Sometimes on the first pseudodate.Don't resentit. Shehas to take this initial stepon her terms,not yours. Her friend servesseveral body guard, validation of your attractiveness, functions to talk with or get supportin caseyou overwhelmher, someone her out if you're boring. Teddycomesalonguntil your chosenfeelssafewith you. This " dituter , z " spontaneous includesdayski trips, beachexcursions in all Teddy Include it. about enthusiastic Be or anythingelse. be will She her. with friends and fun. Make conversations lover your future of gradingyou. Remember,shehasthe ear and will certainlybendit. It's not productiveto flirt stronglywith Teddy but let her know you find her pleasantand attractiveas a female.If you patronrzeTeddy,you canshineit on, forever.
UnderstardHer
t9
fuytime there aretwo females involved things get complicated quickly. Teddy, especiallyif she'smore experienced,may have given herself the assignment of testing you under battle conditions. She'll bait you with emotionally loaded questions about sex or religion. Teddy may even bluntly ask how your children handled the divorce! If she's attractedto you she may resent her feelings and try to destroy you in front of her friend so neither can have you. Strange?Yes, but true. If Teddy decides she wants you for herself she undermines everything you've built to date. In the end she will feel like shit for what she did and won't go out with you, either. The younger sheis, the more likely she'll bring Teddy along. I even had it happenwith a 26 year old. REBS AND OTHERS. Young women come in two basic models - conformistsand rebels. Rebs ateoutnumberedtwenty to one but what a great group. They aren't hard to spot. Usually they are wearing somethingoutlandish.I can tell by her walk, confident, arrogant, strong and sometimes like she has a chip on her shoulder. For entertainmentthey intentionally piss off their parents or boyfriends. By being a rebel shedefinesherself asdifferent from her parents, different from peers, different from adults of any kind. But, she'sjust different, having only found who and what she isn't. Rebels are the ones who will date an older man. Learn how to recognize them all. Then identify the one who's interested in you. LOOKIE LOU'S WUI SLEEP WITH YOU. Many havebeen interestedin me only becausethey were curious. After a couple of datesthey go to bed with me once or twice, then I never hear from them again. They found out what they wanted to know and decided, "ft's not all that hot. " Or they're so guilt ridden about Jimmy they can't continue. The oneswho didn't like me searchfor excitementwith some other grown-up male. Thosewho feel guilty go back to "messin' around" with boys, somehowthat's not bad. Or, they make up for the transgressionwith me by getting engagedand remain monogamousuntil a year after the honeymoon. Relax, acceptbeing a curiosity. Don't feel indignant. She's
20
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
just looking. You're an experimentin her life. That's how she learns. Be glad you could help. IIER MOTI\MS FOR DATING YOU You're askingher to go againsteverythingparents,boyfriend, church, society and girl friends have drilled into that pretty young head and heart of hers. Why will she do it? One element of her motivation is the desire to be seriously fucked, the way she's heard it's supposedto be done. As you now know her best experiencedoes not begin to measureup to what she's heard from other girls, read in Cosmopolitanor seen in the movies. And, "fer sure," there is the stereotypeof older men as knowledgeable, experiencedlovers. She knows there must be more to it. But this is one of her darkest, most closely held secrets,slightly behind masturbating and feeling terribly lonely. She fantasizeswhat a "real man" would do with her. If she's a bit drunk she talks to her closest girl friend about what it should be like. Don't get this wrong. She's not obsessedwith sex but wonders if she's missing something important. So far her boyfriend's best efforts aren't much. He wants his cock sucked all the time. He's reluctant to give her head and has no idea a clit isn't a miniature dick, if he even knows where it is. He lasts two minutes after entering her. She and her contemporariesknow, otr some level, there's more to it. Part of the attraction is your age. It makesyou different, plain and simple. You are attractedto her becauseshe's different from Also, 38 year old divorcees.(How's that for anunderstatement?) your age qualifies you to participate with her in a forbidden romance, a turn on to females of any age. She wants to experiencelife. You have the knowledge and money to show her a world she's only seen on television and read about in People. Older lovers have lots to offer says Cosmopolitan One of her girl friend's acquaintanceshas one. She's ready to give it a try. She may want to shame and degrade her parents. This girl plays a girmecalled The Goy Ploy. Shepicks a male to infuriate and embarrassher parents - a goy if she's Jewish, or a Jew if her parents found Jesus.Others to piss off Mum and Dad bikers, Mexicans, punks or an older man. Paying attention? She has to get caught with you so she can make a giant
Understand Her
21
scene(s)to rub her parent's noses in the whole sordid affair. That'll show them they were bad to her. Then they'll see it's their fault she turned out to be a bad girl. Daughters of the rich sometimesare just bored and want to do something "totally radical." But, poor little rich girls play Goy Ploy, too. Be extra careful. Irate wealthy parents like to prove themselvesblamelessby threateninglegal action or using their connectionsto punishyou "for seducingour sweet,innocent baby girl. " FOOLISH ASSUMPTIONS. As a married man I was able to easily meet and "date" young women. After a few conversations and lunch she'd realize I only wanted to nail her to the mattress,then to the wall at the nearestmotel. After three of these "affairs" I realized it was not necessary to beat around the bush, so to pun. I only had to be discreet and make it tactfully clear what I wanted. She simply chose to participate in someseriousfucking or diplomatically passed.She knew from my approach and attitude that if she played "chase me, catch ffie, fuck me" I'd lose interest and she'd lose "fuck me. " Courtship was simpler and faster then. No confusion about long term possibilities, the goal was straightforward. My foolish assumption- after getting divorced I would be able to meet and have real dates with young women. WRONG! Married men are toys, nothing to take seriously. When she "dates" a married man she doesn't feel used. She knows what the score is. If she gets entangledshe only blames herself becauseshe reads Dear Abby every day. Now that I'm single, she's confusedabout my purpose and goal He's kind of a potential husband but he's so old. " Everything's muddled. She wants to get married someday but she'sbeenusedand lied to by every guy over 26 she's ever been out with. No matter what I say or do she thinks I am primarily interestedin her slit. I'm somethingshe's not encounteredbefore. I don't want to just nail her. I want to have a caring, romantic, fun-filled affair for as long as we enjoy eachother. Sheknows that on some level from my attitude and approach, sometimes she even asks me directly. "Gosh! An affair? Really?You know, like, I don' know . Jeez.
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HOWTODATEYOUNGWOMEN
What about my boyfriend?" To answerthat questionandto really understandher,you have to be clear on why she almost always has a boyfriend. But first you needto know Which YoungWomen,otherwise,you'll waste time pursuing the wrong one.
A seven,who will dateyou three times, is a ten. THE AUTHOR
Which Young Women Let's divide the femalepopulationinto Women, Almost Women,YoungWomenandGirls. Womenareover thirty,25 to 29 year olds are Almost women, young women are 1g to 24, Girls areunder18. Women break into four groups,eachrequiring a different courtshipapproach:30-34,35-39,40-45and over 45. Almost Womenarecourtedas:Over25 or Not 30. YoungWomenonly cover sevenyearsbut thereare four distinctcourtshipgroups. Girls can be thought of as a fifth" The nameof each group represents your task whentrying to datea member: 2L to 24 - Hard 20 to 2l - Harder 19 to 20 - Hardest 18 to 19 - Impossible Jail Bait - Preposterous TIIE TARGET POPULATION White or raisedwhite, 18 to 24. Healthy,non-handicapped. Upperlower classto lowerupperclass.Slightlybelowaverage to Playmateof theMonthlooks.Averageto geniusIQ's. Almost virgins to Rosy Roundheels.High schoolgradsto Stanford PhD's. With andwithoutboyfriends,divorced,living or lived together.working, unemployed,under employed,students.
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HOWTODATEYOUNGWOMEN
Introverts or extroverts. IJrban, suburb&r, small to mid-sized city dwellers. No car, bicycle, moped, daddy's car, own car. Living at home, in the dorm, has an apartmentwith roommate, own apartment.Beer drinkers to advancedfree basers.In short, C minus and up. WE'RE NOT INTERESTED IN TIIESE Jail bait. Over 25 .Ghetto dwellers.Low rider Mexicans.Most orientals. Lower and upper class.Virgins. Standoff Ugly. Stupid. Hookers. Highschool dropouts.Married, engagedor separated. Rural and small town residents.Druggies, biker chicks and all other lowlifes. In short, D plus and down. WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES No individual young woman will fit the descriptions below. Every blue moon you will meet a 2I year old woman. That's woman, not young woman. At other times you'll find a27 year old who is no more than a high school girl, &tr unemployed, college drop out, spoiled rotten princess, still living at home. 78-79. Working or in college, high school ways guide her life. Just testing herself and teasing you. Lives at home or in the dorm. Is dependent,not independent,even if she acts like it. Always hasa boyfriend who boresher shitlessbut she'safraid to break up and be on her own. Very limited sexual experience. Sometimes uses no birth control. In general, a hassle. A tremendousamount of time and patienceis required and seldom worth the effort. Brighter, extroverted ones might be worth a few weeks of courtship. Suzy, Betsy and Tina were. I rarely bother any more. 79-20.Has droppedmany high schoolvalues and is beginning there may be more to life than cruising the boulevard. realize to Been to Palm Springswhere shepicked up a boy and "slept with him. " If in college or working in a big office, she's considered "sleeping with" her prof or boss. Gets into bars and clubs with fake ID and feels really grown up there. More able to deal with life and it's problems but she's still moving in old circles. Coming alive sexually but it confuses her when she wants someoneother than Jimmy. About 30 percent are on the pill, most others take precautions. Substantial time and effort required. May be worth it if you like her as a person. When you are making progress she's worth two months of courtship but
Which YoungWomen
no more. Time's a' wastin'. Carla was worth it all. Seethe book's dedicationpageto find out why. 2047. See"Typical20 Year Old.' 21-24. Delightful. Over their first love and reachingfor the unknown.But can still behavelike a 14 or 40 year old within an hour. 2L-22, delightful, 22-23 delightful plus, 23-24 delightful, degradinginto "wannabe married," 24-25, or the steeppart of degradingbut still far betterthan any woman. HOME OR AWAY? The onewho doesn'tlive at homeis alwaysa betterchoice. She doesn't have the daily hassleof dealing with neurotic parents,envioussistersandprotectivebrothers. With onlyJimmy to snow, she can spendthe night or go away with you on weekends. affair with Jeanover I had an on again-offagain,sometimes year a two stretchandan affair of eightmonthswith Tina. They required. both lived at homebut wereworth all the shenanigans I'd do it againwith the right youngwoman. COEDS OR WORKING GIRLS? Coeds don't have much money, they have lots of time. Working girls don't have much time but unlike coeds,their world doesn'trevolvearounda lack of money. A collegegirl is more educated,knowsthe nine planetsbut has little understandingof what really makes the world go 'round. Shedoesn'tknow much aboutmen sinceher choiceis limited to Joe Collegeor dirty old professors.She'sa quick study,havingreadaboutolderloversandsmartenoughto realize you couldbe onehell of a goodtime. The working girl is pragmatic.She'sin the real world, not theacademicone.Sinceshe's"out thereirmong'em" everyday, she understandsmales of every agemuch better. She has a beginner'sgraspof what makesthe world work. Brighter ones are quick to realizethe benefitsof an older lover. THE BEST YOI]NG LO\MR The ideal young woman lives away from home, without a boyfriend, with smarts.A coedwho works or a working girl goingto college.She'sseriousaboutgettingaheadin theworld, as opposedto the one who's savingher salary for a grand wedding.
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HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
The bright onesare so much more fun in every way. They have the brain power to look at the world and decide for themselveswhat the rules will be insteadof unthinkingly acceptingthe should'sand shouldn't'sof our culture. HOW MANY ARE TIIERE? In 1988therewill be 13millionbetween18and24.A million * will be blackwhichmakesit nearlyimpossible. 12 millionand counting." Another three million are living in rural areas, impossible."9 millionand counting." jails, pregnant,or who are Deductthosein mentalhospitals, thosewith anIQ below 100 mentallyor physicallyhandicapped, andethnicswhodon'tdatewhiteboys. " 5 millionandcountinS." Eliminateanothermillion fatsosanduglies. " 4 million and hotding.Roger.Wecopy.Marriageproblem."Tenpercentunder *Understood. Ignition. 19aremarried.By 24,half aremarried. Lift off at 3 million." I live in a paradisefull of youngwomen,Los Angeles.The typicalT.2hereis an 8.2 in Phoenix,a9.2 in Tulsaandshe's thereare 15,000 in Appalachia.I've calculated a 10.2 anywhere ten miles within unmarried,averageand up females18 to 24 of my place.Probably5,000 areliving with a guy or areabout to get married.Geewhiz, shucks,goshdarn, only 10,000to choosefrom. If you live in the suburbsof a large city, your choiceis as wide as mine. You say you've noticed a lot of talk about Boyfnends. Disillusioned?Don't be. You'll only know what really makes her tick whenyou find out why shehasa boyfriend.He makes little differenceto her. He mustmakeno differenceto you.
O Romeo,Romeo! Whereforeart thouRomeo?" JULIET, for all young women
Boyfriends After you're able to crack the 25 year old barrier you will quickly find yourself involvedwith a youngwomanwho hasa boyfriend.Why? Only twentypercentof the targetpopulation is without boyfriends or fiances. You won't get anywhere limiting yourselfto thosewithout. WHY SIM IIAS A BOIT'RIEI\D Beyondher naturalneedfor humancompanionshipand sex, beyond her conrmonneed to escapeneurotic parentsshe's programmedto "need" a boyfriend.Shefeelsit asa real need, as real, os powerful, as any naturalneed. But she learnsthis particular"need." Her family, schools, religion, Girl Scouts,televisionandotherinstinrtionsteachher, brainwashher into wantingwhat our cultureblindly considers a timelessvalue.Couplingyoungandreproducinghasa 50,000 year track record of success.Our customsof marriage and reproductionarebasedotr, androotedin, ancienttribal survival values.Thoselong deadrituals live todayas societalpressure on the youngto pair off for life and makebabies. A hundredyearsagoit madesensefor farm familiesandpoor families. Survivalof the tribe (family) dependedon the children havingchildrenquickly so therewould be more workersfor the fields, minesor factories.
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HOWTODATEYOUNGWOMEN
Today it makes absolutely no sense to couple young and reproduce, yet few young women question the reasonableness of marrying one's first or second "love" and having children until it's too late. It's too late when she's27, has two kids, he's staying out all night, there's no money and she's 40 pounds overweight. Her intensedesire to be Queenfor a Day precludes rationality. QIJEEN FOR A DAy - A POWERF'IJL DRTVER The girls who get married are the envy of all female friends and acquaintances.Even colleagues who rcalize 18 to 24 is ridiculously young to make "until death" commitments are envious. The bride is the centerof attentionfor weekspreceding the ceremony, then she's literally, Queen for a Day. Each and every young female in attendanceyearns for the focus to be on her and they all, or nearly all, are secretlyjealous and resentful. Surprisingly they feel this way even when the groom is a geek,unrepentantwomanizer, druggie or a shiftless, unemployed dolt. Every young woman wants to be Queen for a Day. A queenmust have a king, any king. MIM.ENGAGEMENTS AND MINI-MARRIAGES For six or more years they lived in, and many still live in, a subculturedominatedby peer pressureand peer values. Their entire mini-society is devoted to pairing up, rehearsingto get married and live happily ever after. As they move toward this unquestionedgoal, miniature engagementsand marriages give them a chance to learn, practice and perfect the control and manipulation techniquesthey will use in their real marriage. Mini-engagements are marked by frat pins in the academic world. In the real world a promise ring is used, a miniature diamond set in an engagementring mounting. How cute. The primary reason for a mini-engagementis to make them feel like grown-ups and to cement their relationship. She uses the occasionto lord it over her girl friends and to legitimize her sexual relations. He usesit to ensuresteadysex. When you see his "brand" on her one of two things will be true, she'll be impossible or relatively easy. In my experiencea third of them take him for granted after the mini-engagement.Before hooking him she was preoccupied with getting and keeping a boyfriend but now she's free to discover the rest of the world, including older mell.
Boffiends
29
Mini-marriages(living together)andmostmini-engagements comecompletewith monogamous expectations, therequirement to only havethe samefriends,to visit and 'enjoy' eachother's parentsand so on. When they breakup it is a highly charged, severelypainful event similar to divorce in every w&y, with crushedegosand dasheddreams.Even in puppy love the love is real, ?t leastto the puppies. WHICHONES IIAVEBOMS? Every 18 and 19 yearold hasone.In the 20 to 2l agerange, the percentagewithout risesto ten or fifteen percent.Over 21 andunder23 yearoldsdo withoutto the tuneof twentypercent. Thereis a veritableabundance of youngwomenwithouta *rlan' in their lives in the over 23 group, aboutone in three. Trouble is, there aren't many unmarriedones. If you're dedicatedto not gettinginvolvedwith someonewith a boyfriend, stick with thoseover 23. By the time they reach the quarter century mark and a few years beyond, only fifty percentare seriouslyinvolved. This cheeringfact has a dark side. There are many desperate-to-get-married 25-30year olds out there and by that agemost seeyou as a prospect. Badnews:the targetpopulationover 22 ishalved,decimated by marriage.Goodnews:onein four of the unmarrieds,of any dge,will havean affair with you, if shecankeepher boyfriend. Therearetwo kindsof girls with boyfriends,thosewho tell you abouthim and thosewho don't. AI\NOI]NCEDBOMS When she mentionshim early on it means:(1) She's not interested.(2) She'sinterested,wantsyou to know the score. (3) Shewantsto flirt with you andfeel serenelyindignantwhen shewins the Rapogilme. (Rapo,as in Rape-ois describedfully in CourtHer.) Seventypercentof the time it's (1). Ten percent of the time it's heavenly(2). If shedoesn'tsayanythingabouthim right awaybut doeslater it means:(1) Shewas kinda interestedand didn't want you to fadeaway.After gettingto know you shewantsto havean affair if shecan keepher boyfriend. (2) Shewas interestedbut after gettingto know you this is how shesaysno. (3) Shewasplaying Rapowith you all alotrg,you've madeyour move, this is how shesays,"'Whatkind of girl do you think I am?' (4) Shelikes
30
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
you, doesn'twantto dateyou but didn't feel anyof her personal life was appropriateuntil now. It's usually(1) (2) or (3). The first two accountfor sixty percent. Announcedor unannounced, there are three kinds of boyfriends. LEFTO\TER BOTT'RIEI\DS If she'sbeenwith him sincehigh schoolhe's only a security blanket.He is her meansof acceptance in the subcultureand a sex partner but most important, a place to avoid the risks associatedwith growing up and becominga self sufficient person.Shetakeshim for granted,doesn'trespecthim, hasonly boring sex with him but shedoesn'thavethe courageto break up and look for somethingbetter. him with, "My boyfriendandI wentto Magic Sheannounces Mountain," or, "Jimmy andI stayedat his Grandma'scabin." Thelongerthey'vebeentogether,theeasierit is to haveanaffair with her. Sheonly wantsthe samething you wantedfrom the women you had affairs with when married, thrills, satisfying her curiosityanduninvolved,excitingdistraction. After a coupleof nightsor a few weekswith you, sheruns backto him. She'sfoundout aboutoldermenandevenif it was a thousandtimesbetterthanwith him, sheis motivatedby fear. She has not beenpreparedby her parentsor the culture to productiveadult.Shewasnevertaught becomean independent, the skills or attitudesneededto grow toward independence and selfreliance.Shehasbeenpreparedfrom birth for only onerole. Even if you openher eyesfor a brief blinding momentto other possiblechoices,sheis overwhelmed by theheretoforeunknown part real world and wantsno of it. Shehas noneof the tools neededto live there. Eventhe semi-literates who watch"Donahue' andreadPeople know shehas a sixty percentchanceof endingup back in the real world after threeyearsof marriage.The sadpart is, she inside,with nojob skills, will still be only a frightenedteenager no moneyand two kids dependingon her. Mary Ann used "my ex-boyfriend"in our first substantial conversation.At the time I only knew shewantedme to know shewas available.
Boyfriends
3t
As it turned out she and Jimmy were just fighting, again, abouthis stayingout all night severaltimesa week.He decided to showher "who wearsthepantsin thishouse'anddidn't come homefor two weeks.Sheneededsomeoneto distracther from the pain and loneliness. After four datesin sevendays,threeof themfull of lusty sex shehadneverknown,I called.Shesaidsimply, "I'm backwith Jimmy, can't go out anymore.Sorry. Bye." Epilogue. Shegot married three monthslater, had a baby, thendivorcedwithin a year.Sheis pushing160poundsandlives with her child at Mom's. Jimmy was this "dude's' real narne.In his *honor' all boyfriendsin this book are namedJimmy. He was, ild is, typical. TJI{DERSTAI\DING TIIE LEFTO\MR SITUATION She must sneaktime with you, at first risking only a few minutes.If you're relaxed,fun and appearsafe,she'll stay for a coupleof hours.Then she'll "go for it," spendinga whole afternoonin bed with you. Eveningsare too dangerous,they have establisheda pattern of after dinner calls, under some pretext, to checkon eachother. Later, she'll makea datefor the entireeveningwhen she's figured out how to explainwhy shewon't be home. But, she will standyou up without notice if he suspected somethingand 'Just happened"to stopby her place.When he's going to the mountainsor desertwith his buddies,she'll spendthe night. An affair with her canlastmanymonthsif she'sbrighterthan averageand has someinnatecourage.A duration of anything beyondtwo monthsrequirescountingfrom the day you two end up in bed until shereally quits. There is no time deductionfor the in's and out's of the affair on her part. She quits for a week, comes back for two days, quits "forever," comesbackfor threeweeksandso on. Withdrawals and re-entriesare broughton by extremefeelingswhich force her to re-examineher values.The conflict is sharp.Her goals are mutually exclusive get back on track toward living happily ever after with Jimmy or continuethe side trip, for awhile, with you down the road of excitementand adventure.
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HOWTODATEYOUNGWOMEN
Like the rest of us, she wants to have her cake and eat it too. To get a clear understanding of what she goes through, see "Don's Recipe for Trouble" later in Date Her. An affair of any length will be mutually rewarding if you are ethical and up front with her from the start. She learns about the real world and grows up much quicker. This wouldn't happen for years without you. In turn, she teachesyou how to have fun and enjoy being carefree all over again. She gets smarter and older. You get smarter and younger. Such a deal! She's going back to Jimmy and become Queen For A Day after a night, a week or a month. If it lasts longer than a few months she'll realize she deservesmuch better than Jimmy and move on. If it's two, intense, rewarding months she starts wishing it could "lead somewhere." Ethically you must prevent this. It's hard to inject realism into the relationship once this stage is reachedunlessthe seedsare planted early. You are the one who has to do it. (See Ethics and Talk With Her.) STRING ALONGS, BOYFRIENDS OF CONVEMENCE The young women smart enough to know marrying the Leftover is a bad idea, string him along, clinging to a corner of the security blanket while testing the waters of adult life. Also in this category are girls with any boyfriend they don't want to marry but keep for convenience. This young woman was taught independenceby her parents or becameindependentto survive. But, she learnedself reliance in parallel with conflicting valuesstressingpreparationfor a role as wife and mother. She absorbssociety's belief that her real value as a human being is ultimately measuredin terms of how good a mother she becomes. So, even these, the best of the bunch, face contradictory goalsbefore meetingyou. Thesecause her to have conflicting goals after meeting you just like the girls with Leftovers. This young woman outgrows males close to her age by 20 or after college. Even when she rcalizes how "totally out of it" boys are, she can't conceive of life without a boyfriend, so she gets an "older man" of 27, like Randy RedPorsche.After a few attempts she realizes he and his contemporaries only want to make temporary deposits in her spenn bank.
Boyfriends
33
The independentyoung woman knows: (1) She doesn't want to marry the security blanket she's holding by a corner, although she'd love all that ceremonial attention. (2) Young men four to eight years older only use her. (3) Boys don't know what it's all about. She wants to find out what it's really all about. At the same time part of her says she should get married and make babies, another part says to be independentand make a life for herself. Faced with this dilemma, she's ready for you. But, from her point of view you may turn out to be a turkey or too much for her to handle. She's reluctant to burn her bridges. Besides,she'll havesomefunctionsto attendwhere you can't go. God forbid, shecan't possiblygo by herself, especially on Saturdaynight, Christmasor New Year's. Heavens,people would think she doesn't have a boyfriend! Branded a complete failure at 20 or 2I. The young woman with a String Along announceshim in terms implying she seesother people or wants to, starting with you. Somethinglike, "Jimmy's going to the desertthis weeketrd, so I'm going to the Gamma'sparty and seewhat I can pick up. Hee, hee." Or, shejust wears a promise ring and tells you with her body and eyes she's available. Sometimes she announces him in terms sounding like she doesn't really have one. As a worst caseexirmpleDonna said, "Jimmy? Oh, one of the guys I used to date." She wasn't really lying, he was injail. She felt so guilty for "fooling around" she married him two weeks after he finished his sentencefor stealing $60,000 from his first father-in-law! Epilogae. He threw her out with nothing a year later after beating her severely. She got pregnant by the next guy she moved in with, trying to make him marry her. He left when she refused an abortion. At24, she and her baby are living with her divorced sister and her three kids. She didn't get as fat as Mary Ann, only 150 pounds. But Donna started at 110, a dynamite 110, I might add. What a waste of life. Neither Donna nor Mary Ann were future rocket scientists. But they were both plenty smart enoughto not do what they did. They made long range decisions with emotions, not brains. Wanting to be QueenFor A Day, is indeed, a powerful driver.
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HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
I]I\DERSTAT.IDING TIIE COIYVENIENCE SITUATION The affair startsout awhvardly if shehasnot hinted or said shecan't be seenwith you. To savefaceshepretendsshe'snot sneakingtime with you. The stressis enoughto ruin everything on the launchingpad. My solution is to alwayssuggestout of the way placesand unusualtimes for initial dates. A word of caution.Never ask directly or indirectly if she mindsbeing seenwith you or why shecan't makeit for a date if shecallsandbegsoff. Don't forceher to admitwhatshedoes not want to admit. It's not important. Theseyoung women are teeteringon adulthoodbut aren't readyto dive in. They are prone to get neuroticquickly but if you're relaxedandpatientthingscansettledownto a moderately long relatiornhipof say, five to eight months. After the opening,delicatestages,the affair candevelopinto a marveloustime for both of you. As with the girls who have to steal time and sneakaround,the early stagesare much the sirme.However,this youngwomanis braver, eagerto get on with it, so eventsproceedat a more rapid pace.It's aboutthe sameas with an unattached27 year old after the secondget together,exceptthis youngwomancan't be seenwith you. If you two are really enjoyingeachother, shetoo, will want it to "lead somewhere.'Again, to be a standup guy, you must plant the sameseedsearly on so sanity can be restoredmore easilyif this stageis reached.(SeeEthics.) An affair of a coupleof monthswith you lets her seeshe's readyandableto makeit on her own. Shebreaksup withJimrny andmovesinto an apartmentwith a girl friend. Without telling you shecontinuesto seehim, afterhe forgivesher, but sheonly stringshim alongwhile datingyou and others.In the end, she stringsyou along,too. She'sbraverthanthe oneswith a death grip on the securityblanketbut no more honest.Neitherknows how. You areher interim-transitional*boyfriend" while shebuilds her confidenceto live in the adult world. You're only a tour guide. Don't let this be demeaningto you or to her. Sheneeds your supportwhile learning.Don't forget, she'steachingyou plenty,too. Yeah, I know I didn't tell you about the third kind of
Boyfrierds
35
boyfriend,he's explainedin TheRightAttitude.I didn't cover either,I'm savingthemforanexplosive unannouncedboyfriends surpriselater oll. Eventhoughyou now understandher better, far betterthan she understandsherself, you won't get anywhereuntil you understandone other person,yourself.What you don't know can, and will, hurt you. I'm living proof as you will see,and hopefullylearn from. If you don't know why or doubtyour sanityfor wantingto datesomeonehalf your ageyou'll neverbe ableto do it. Step one is makingcertainyou fully accept,believeandthoroughly thebestfemalesontheplanet. WhyYoungWomenare understand After thatcomesthehardpart, beinghonestwith yourselfabout other motivesyou have.
Wlnt n drag it is getting old. MICK JAGGER,Mother's Littlc Helper
A mnn is only as old as the womnnhefeels. GROUCHO
Why YoungWomen Most of my womenfriendsandacquaintances claimtheycan't understandwhy divorcedmen only want to dateyoung women. Knowing men are drawn by physical attractivenessthey point out, in a thinly disguisd, caffy maruler, "surfaceappearance is a shallowreasotr,' implying they're attractedto a nranby his deeper,morenoblequalities.(Yeatl,right! NewmanandRedford are noble.) Themoreintelligentonesquickly add, "femalebeautyis only a culturally derived aesthetic,a mere definition, artificial, learned, not reflecting reality." (So what? It's the standard everyoneusesexceptliberatedmen.) In an attempt to convince me not to "waste time" with youngerwomentheybeginby beingreasonable, "A ZTyearold can't possiblyappreciatea nran," moveup to, "A girl just can't relatefully to a man," escalateto, "A youngwonun doesnot havetheexperience to satisfya man," thenbothbarrels,"It can't lead anywhere." (Gee, how nice, they want it to lead somewhere. Do you supposethey want me to get married again,to someonetheir age?Hummmm?) When nothingworks, believingtheir perspectiveis the only one from which reality canbe viewd, they retreatto, "'We're rational. You're sufferingfrom temporaryinsanity, acting out MiddleAge Crary." (Couldbe.)
Why YoungWomen
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Here's another perspective, possibly another reality, that of a divorced, 46 year old man. (I, too, have come a long woy, baby.) WHY YOIJNG? My young lover makesme feel my power and potency again. She causesme to experiencethe life and pleasure I've earned and deservebut never enjoyed. She appreciatesand respectswhat I've accomplishedacross the years. When I look in her eyes I see, reflected back, the image I want to see, one that correspondswith my self-image. To her I am a hero and a success,something my wife could never see. I don't get compared with men my age and found lacking. When she does compareme, it's with college sophomores,then ranks me highest. Whatever I am or want to be is fine with her. No demands to grow up, come home or go to her mother's. There's no power struggle. To her, men are not the enemy. With her I can be soft, romantic, giving and caring. She treasuresthesequalities in a male. I can talk with her about my secondthoughts, eventhird thoughtson life, children and career. I don't have to be strong and rational all the time. She doesn't mind when I cry, in fact, she likes it and seestears as merely human, not a sign of weaknessor fallibility. Shewants and valuesher freedom asI do. Somedayshewants to find Mr. Rite and get married, but for now she's not ready to settle down. She and her compatriotsare free spirits still. Two of her better qualities, ones I've never found in any woman: (1) When I don't feel like going to the office shedoesn't panic and worry about money. (2) She doesn't mind if I watch the Raiders kick ass on Sunday. WHY NOT A WOMAI{ 25 TO 35? *Where Never married womenover25 insistonbeingserious, is this leading?" If you haven't had the pleasureyet, it means, "Are we getting married?" Young women don't ask about my remarriage plans before the salad arrives. A divorced woman in this age range is wonderful if she doesn't look for men in a bar, if she doesn't have children and if she's not off on some liberatedbinge. But, it's impossibleto find a single woman under 35 who isn't in a bar smoking
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HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
cigarettesoneafterthe other,lookingthe malesover like she's choosinghereveningmeal.Mostwantonlyuninvolvedsex,their way of avoidinglonelinesswithout gettinghurt, again.These dick-of-the-weekbar flies are big time diseasecarriers. No thanl$. If I do manageto meeta womanin this agerange,she's either living with a guy or hastwo children. The oneswith kids havelost their zest,lost their idealism, losttheir interestin experimentingandexploring.Theyaretired every night. They distrustmen. Somehatemen and use them without blinking an eye, rationalizingit as gettingevenfor all the sufferingmaleshavecausedthem. With a young woman, "The prick didn't send my child supportcheck"crisisdoesn'texist,neitherdobabysittinghassles andthe otherendlessproblemsdivorcedmothersface.I'feel for them yes, but I don't dateanyonewith more problemsthan I have. WTTYNOT A WOMAI\ MY AGE? In my experiencemost arelookingfor a new husbandsothey don't haveto stayout herein this big, mean,cold, nasty,cruel world andmakeit. The onesnot looking to get marriedaren't busy losing weight and getting into shape,they're grinding a feminist ax. Stuff what they say aboutbeautyonly being skin deep.Fat bellies,saggybreasts,stretchmarksandwide asses are not attractive. Women my &Be,and yours, expectme to be hard, strong, unemotional,rational, their knight in shining armor. I ilm no longeranyone'ssavioror protector.I don't fix cars, washing machinesor anythingelseunlessthe damselin distressis under 25. Harshwords,yes.TheyreflectwhatI've learned,the harsh way. with womencloseto my ageare, "Like, You Relationships " I know the role I'm supposedto know, totally, predictable. to play. Throughsubtle, play. Sheknowsthe role I'm supposed andsometimesnot so subtlemanipulationshepreventsme from beinganythingother thanwhat shewantsme to be, expectsme to be. I end up relating to her the way I relatedto my former wife. There's no room for innovationor freedom,no way to stop the s:rmeold shit from happening.
Why Young Women
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Womenover 35 are behavioralclonesof my ex and yours, astired, asjaded,asboring,with thesamevalues.They'refrom the sameera. GREAT, NO EXPECTATIONS! If you want to be who you are now, andwhat you are now, you needsomeonefrom a different eta, a womanwho didn't grow up thinking a 40 year old man shouldbe OzzieNelson. to be, she A youngwomandoesn'tknowwhatyou're supposed hasno experiencewith anyoneyour age. To heryou ateanunknowr, a mystery,&trexcitingmale.You canpaintyourselfanyway you'd like, differenteveryday. You canbe a kite flying 13 yearold, atr 18 year old cockhound,a daredevilof 27 and it's alwaysokay to be a sensitivehuman beingwith feelings,frustrations,desiresanddreams.You don't needshiny arrnor. MY PRIMARY QUALIFICATIONS A few yearsagoa womannewsanchorsueda broadcaster, claiming she was fired becauseshe wasn't pretty enoughor pleasantenough.I predictedshe would win, thinking not one of her malebosseshadthe ballsto sayhe prefersfemalesto be attractiveand sweettempered. I've got 'em. "AnyoneI datemustbe attractiveand sweet " I'm still ableto saythat becauseI haveone more tempered. requirement , "She cannotbe a castratingbitch." Since my divorceonly four womenover 30 hadthreeout of three.I have yet to meeta ball busterunder 24. Thanks to 'nstrong" women my preferencehas become (Lookatstewardesses immoralbecause it's anti-egalitarian. these days. Eeccch!)As you know that newsanchoreventuallylost but it wasn't the resultof management's truthfulness. FAR MORE TIIAN BEAUTY If you've spentthe night with a divorcedmother you'll recognizethis "good morning" comment, "Shit, it's only " Whena youngwomangetsup sheseesa day full Wednesday. of promise,somethingwonderfulmight happen. Youngwomenarefar moreof the goodness of "female," far less of the meanness.They're less angry, less hurt, less burdened,lessdemanding,lessmanipulative,morealive, more energetic,more emotional,more spontaneous, more openand yes, more attractive.
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HOWTODATEYOUNGWOMEN
Youth is alive, excited, emotional, full of enthusiasm,energy and drive. Youth can change the world, and your world. Her positive attitude infects you. Optimism and hope cast out cynicism and futility. When I finally made love with a young woman two long years after getting divorced, I felt whole again, reborn. By touching ffie, taking me inside, enjoyirrg my thrusting, surrendering to orgasm, she anointed me. No longer a banished leper, an untouchable,unlovable, middle agedman, I was reacceptedinto the human race. Our culture values youth, period. I'm a member of our culture. I value young women, period. TIIE INTBRNAL ME Ah[D MAYBE YOU A few years ago I discoveredthe gut-level reasonI strongly prefer young women. I used to think it was becausethey are so physically attractive. I used to think it was becausethey are so much more fun. I used to think it was becauseI didn't know how to date them when I was young. I used to think it was becausethey make me feel so male, so alive. I used to think my friends might be right aboutmy Peter Pan syndroffie, you know, never growing up. The soul-searchedtruth has elementsof all these and little to do with any of them. When I look in the mirror I don't see a young man looking back at me. The guy I seehas thinning hair, deep wrinkles and has to lean away from the mirror to get his image in focus. Yeah, I know that middle aged man in the mirror is me but he doesn't look like the me trapped in this 46 year old body. The me inside, the real ffie, the emotional, spiritual me is 27 years old. I ask you, what 27 year old wants to date a 39 year old divorcee with three kids? I want someonewho doesn't look and act like she's old enough to be my mother, at least the mother of my internal self. The me inside wants the sameyoung women the average27 year old wants, Pets or Playmatesof the Month, UCLA cheerleadersand any girl sitting by the pool in Palm Springs during Easter vacation. As stated, I discovered all this a few years ago. I had other reasons and still have some. Let me tell you about both as you begin to Understand Yourself.
Know thyself. SOCRATES
UnderstandYourself If you're like ffie, whatusedto be important,isn't. A corner office with a walnut wastebasketno longer has much significance.A nicely mown lawn, a cleanworkbenchin the garage, who cares?But thoseyoung females,thosebeautiful, alive, youngfemales,now they're right up there, in fact what could really be more important?Well, what? In theyearof our Lord 2016,I don't think I'll evenremember how cleverly I blockedHarry's attemptto transfer[steal]part of my budgetback in'79. If I do recallI doubtit will give me any pleasureevenif he was a formidablecorporateopponent. Companypolitics and intrigueusedto be fun. Damn, I used to enjoyout thinkingassholes like Harry. ThesedaysI get beat often. Much more importantthings are on my mind, crucial decisionsawait. "ShouldI call Betsyback or let her wait a coupleof hours?MaybeI oughtto call Annefirst, just chat,see how she'sdoing after our football date, checkwhat the vibes are?Natt! I shouldgo overthere,makean appearance. I'll call Betsylater." Last Monday morning the kiss asseswere busy hovering aroundour alcoholic,muddleheadedDivisionManager,plotting their end run for Tuesday'sstaff meeting.Jim managedto let me know right after lunch. I could have short cut thosedicks but it would havetakenhalf the night.
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
My valuesare differentnow, now that I know I'm going to getold anddie. I spenttherestof Mondayafternoonbullshitting with Arure,the big, round,red headin Building 2A. Sheasked me over "to watchMondayNight Football." Yeah,right. Sure, I got blown away at the meeting.Knowing the grim reaper'swaitinghelpedme makemy choice.So I don't make DepartmentHead,I madeAnne, twice. WITHOUT A LITTLE IIELP FROM YOT]R FRIENDS Haveyou learnedby now no onecantakecareof you except you?You're goingto get tonsof unaskedfor adviceon how to get it backtogetherso you cankeepon keepingon. You know, how to agegracefully.Heardthis yet? What'sthe mntterwith you?Act your age!Don't makea fool out of yourself.Don't embarrassus eitherfor Christ's It can't leadanywhere.Makeup sake.Stopthis nonsense. person. Put your with your wife. She'san understanding lW back together. 'Fuckoff?'Maybeyoushouldseesomebody Wattayamean, aboutthis. You'reacting crary! To beterrifiedof dyingwithouteverhavinglivedis not crary. A satedyounglover lying in your anns,grinninga satisfied, smug smile, can prove you're not crazy quicker than any shrink.He'll charge$50 an hourto tell bearded,self-righteous you: It's okayto havethesefeelings. Everyonedoesat your age. Thq're just feelings.Feelingsaren't wrong.Actionsare wrong. Go ahead,talk aboutyoungwomen.It'Il mnkeyou feel better.It's norm,alto want them. Puke.DoublePuke.Takethat$50andbuy Tracya goldankle chain. That's much more productive,as long as you expect nothingin return. Maybeyou are crary. Everyoneseemsto think so exceptme I've anda few thousandexpertson middle age.We understand. gonethrougheverythingyou're strugglingwith. It didn't kill me. It hurt like hell, yes. But I'm still here and I'm going to Stayhere. I won't go back to a miserable,boring, empty marriage,a mind numbingcareeror beingsuccessful.
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43
What goodis "success"if you're miserable,bored,horny, emptyandlonely?Of whatuseareclubmemberships, electronic toys and weekendcabinswhenyou're going to die in the end? Do you wantto look backandremember,"I wasa big shot.My office was on the top floor with a big deskand a credetrza?" It's my turn. I paid my dues.I earnedthe right to exist on my terms,to bewith whomI want,whenI want.You mustthink it's your turn or you wouldn't be readingthis book. ARE YOU STILL ALI\18? Onceyou know you're going to die it's naturaland normal you're still alive, proof you have life left to seekreassurance to give andshare.Othersthink we shouldsomehowknow we're alive, think we should acceptmiddle &ge, old ageand death gracefully.Othersthink, period. Not me. f wantedto know, not think I was, and arn, a desirable,alive man. I soughtirrefutable,hard evidence. When your young lover takes you into her body you'll interprether actof givingastheultimateevidenceyou arealive. She,the essence of life itself, of what it meansto be alive, will prove it. Everythingelsewill be, and is, intellectualdog shit. I interpretedit the sirmeway. Making passionatelove with her at six on Mondaymorning will be reassuringwith a capitalR. Life will be worth living, again.She'lI bring joy, pleasure,softnessand innocenceback into your world. You will have a reasonto make money, a purpose,somethingto look forwardto. You'll be ableto go out there again, out there where mediocrity and assholescall the shots. AI{OTIIER VIEWPOINT, MINE Seenthe movie Middle Age Crary?[t's true exceptfor the moneygrubbing"happy"ending.He resignshimselfto spending the rest of his life in suburbiaafter reconcilingwith his wife. Screwthat. The way I look at it you cango backto beingmarriedat any time. You can go back to datingdivorcedwomenwith kids at any time. At 40, time's runningout for youngwomen. You'll neverhaveanotherchancelike this. You canstill get your body into good conditionso she'sattractedto you on a physicallevel. At 55 I doubt it, unlessyou're John Derek or
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HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
Dorian Gray. Althoughyou're on the downhill sideof athletic prowessyou canstill makelove like an 18yearold, whenshe's 20. It's your life, what'sleft of it. The nextten yearscanbe the bestdecadeof your life if, andonly if, YourMotives areethical andpractical.
Thereare fnv, tf any, accidents. FREUD
Your Motives What do you want from a young wornan,anyway?Do you want to have stimulating conversationsabout competing anthropologicaltheorieson the originsof religion?Do you want her to be a sparkling,culturedhostessto help clinch your next big dealby charmingyour clients?Perhapsyou'd like a female who'd do your laundry, cleanyour house,feedthe dog, do the shopping,serviceyour sexualneedswithoutcomplaintandnever ask for money. You're readingthe wrong book, Jack! SPELL IT OTJT Define what you want. Don't be shy. Tell it like it is. Sex, companionship,understanding,friendship?You can want anything. A sexpartner,a lover, a friend. Maybeyou'd like a: fiance,steadygirl friend, nearlysteady girl friend, p&rt-timegirl friend, seriousdate, frequentdate, semi-frequentdate, life partner, casuallover. How 'bout just a torrid affair? A female you can control? A date for the weekendwith no questionsaskedon Monday morning? Okay, so you're reluctant.{'ll go first, so you get the idea. I want a femaleunencumbered by childrenwho doesnot want to get encumbered.I want her to be unjadedand optimistic. I want a someonewho is arousedeasily, excitedby sexbecause shehasn't donethis a hundredtimes before.
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
I want somebodyI canbe silly with, play with, laughwith, someonecarefree,untroubled.I wanta youngwomanI cantalk to whenI'm troubledandget thingsoff my chest,cry if I have to. Sheneedsto listen empathetically but shedoesn'thaveto understand. I don't want someoneto cleanandcookfor me. I don't want a live-in lover. I don't want a girl friend, steadyor unsteady. I don't want to be a provider.I don't want to be considereda potentialhusband. Gotthe idea?Well, whatdo you want?Be honest.You don't haveto be realisticbut you mustknow why you're doing this. If you don't, you'll soonwonderwhy it's so dark, not knowing your headis up your ass. WIIAT A YOI]NG WOMAN CAI\NOT BE Shecan'tbe a woman.Shecan'tbe your equal.Shecan'tbe an adult capableof long term planning.Shecan't know what you already know. She can't understandwhat you already understand.She can't give up her dreamsfor you. She is a packagedeal. Shecan'tbeyour wife or live-inloverunlessyou're into long frietrd, term frustrationandpain. Shecan'tbe anunderstanding evenif shecanbe your friend, 8sshehasno real graspof adult problerns,trials and frustrations. MSTICMOTIVES Like many thingsyou do, your desireto dateyoungwomen is often driven by somethingyou may not be awareof. The big threemotivesmen hide from themselves: Provingyou arestill a man. Hurting your ex-wife. Trying to recovera lost youth. favorite.Sureit's foolish.Butit's often Thefirst is everyone's beforeyou cango on with life. Howeverunlessyou're necessary painstakinglyhonestwith her, it makesyou a userof the worst kind. The secondis popular, a naturalwant but demonstrates you are a completeassholeas well asa userof the worst kind. requiredbeforeyou canmove Thethird, impossible,sometimes to you andyour younglover. Before on. It's themostdangerous gettinginto the big three,hereare someother classics. If you just want some"young stuff' wear a weddingband,
Your Motives
47
act like you're married,behavelike you only want to get laid. It's easyif you're slim and trim, looking good and over your divorce. (That's all explaineda coupleof chaptersfrom now.) If you're not slim et al, irld you still just wantto getlaid, hire expensive,youngprostitutes.It's honest.The energy,time and moneysavedwill be tremendous,not to mentionthe frustration, ridicule andpain you'll spareyourself. If you're lookingfor a meaningful,long term, love relationship, only datewomenover 30. If you want to be takencare of by a substitutemother,stick with womenover 35. HURTING YOUR EX'WIFE. If you're driven by wanting to angerandhurt your €x, believeme, I understand,sympathize and empathize.Here is a muchmore ethicaland effJctiur *ry of doing it. Get a beautifulprostitutewho doesn'tlook like I whore. Arrangeto be seenwith her wherethe newswill travel fast, twice a week for a month. Moneywise,you'll bewayatreadevenif she's$100perhour. We're talking, what? $300 a week for a month?Shit, you'll spendthatmuchjust on clothesgettingreadyfor youngwomen. And don't forgetfringebennies.The rentalgirl will get you off ten timesbetterthan any 22 yearold you'll ever mJet. You won't haveto wait until you're over the divorceso you canbehavelike a confident,together,maturemale, mandatory to attractyoungwomen.That seemsto takea yearor two. you won't haveto wait until you get rid of that pot belly and learn how to dress,which takesanothersix months.But if you wait that long you won't give a shit what your ex thinl* anyway. Seriouslynow, if getting even with your ex is a ptirorry motive,you won't beworth a goodgoddamnmeeting*rit dating youngwomenanyway.Justloseweight,getin shape,learnhow to look good,then after a year of 35 year old divbrceesyou'll be properly motivated. PRowNG Yoa'RE yTILL A MAII. you are a man. In reality there'snothingto prove, to anyone.It doesn'tfeel that way insideyou say. yrp, I remember. To feel like a mancompletely,you musthavedirect, tangible evidencefemalesare attractedto you and desireyou. Not just any female,either.
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HOWTODATEYOUNGWOMEN
The more attractive and desirable the female, the more you feel like a man. Okay, I'll buy that. We know, in our culture, how old the most attractive, desirable females are. We know how females directly and tangibly give hard evidence you are attractive and desirable. And, we know you doubt your manliness, shaken by divorce and looming middle age. Now we know one of your motives for wanting to date young women, don't we? You want to prove you're still a virile male with plenty of miles left on your cock. Okay, it's true. You want to feel like a man again. So what? Big fuckin' deal. Every one of the million and a half guys each year who ends up where you are wants the same damn thing. Now the only questionis, will you be honorable as you gather the evidence neededto feel like a man? If you're not honest and realistic with your young lover, and with yourself, about the long run impossibilities of your affair, you will dishonorablyhurt and scarher. You needonly one thing to be honorable,honesty.To be honestyou needcourage.Either you have both or you will never, ever feel like a man. TRYING TO RECOVER A LOST YOUTH. Above I said "impossible." That's not strong enough. I tried "harebrained" "impractical" and "unachievable." Then decided there isn't a word strong enough to stop you from trying. So, I'll tell you my story. That won't stop you either. It may make it easierfor you to honestly search your heart and come to a level of awareness and self acceptance years sooner, with far less heartachefor you and your young lover. Vfith the help of a strong, honest, smart 24 year old who didn't want to get "too involved," I becameawareI really wasn't just having fun and enjoying life with young women. I was shocked. She was right. I was trying to make her my girl friend. Damn. How could I have not known that? I worried about it a lot. I questionedmyself. I talked about it. I thought about it, then I had a second thought, "Who gives a shit how sane,reasonableor productive my needs,wants and desiresare. I have them and by God I'm going to fulfill them. " A year later I fell in love with a 19 year old. I didn't just fall in love, I dived in love, with abandon. I had a hidden motive.
I
YourMotives
49
IIIDDEN MOTI\TES I've beenat thislongenoughto makeeverymistakepossible, the biggestonetwice. From ultra-sadexperienceI cantell you a youngwomanis not ableto give you the storybookmarriage you may still long for, as I did, anddo. You remember,backin the '50's, the marriageour society indoctrinated us with, led us to believein, to seek,to die foi. We saw it in movies, read about it in fairy tales. Prince CharmingmarriesCinderellaand they live happilyever after. In my heartof heartsthat'sthemarriageI still wantno matter how cynical I appearto be, no matter how unrealisticand unattainablethat marriageis. I boughtthat dream.It is locked in my everymuscle,burnedin everyfiber of my heart.I want it. I deserveit. I earnedit. I feel cheatedthat my life did not turn out that way. There's mnny a change in the winter wind, And a change in the clond's design. There's many a change in a young fgirl'sJ heart, But never a change in mine. I NeverWill Marry,American Traditional, bestby Dollyparton
You may have a hiddenprimary motive for dating young women. I discoveredmine when, for the secondtime, I wai devastatedemotionally and spiritually crushedby a young woman.My will to live was at the low point of my entire45 years.I hadno purpose,no goal,no hope.I wouldneverhave my dreammarriage,ever. Life was futile. Why bother? After partiallyrecovering,a two monthprocess,I askedmyself, "what am I doing wrong?How could I pick a secondyoung womanto fall madly, totally, in love with, who would break my heart?"I knewit couldn'tbethegodsweretestingme again. It had to be ffie, somethingI was doing. I choseboth of them from the entireLos Angelespopulation. Whatdid theyhavein common?Personality-wise, absolutely nothing. The first was a quiet introvert, the seconda fu*V extrovert.Physically,absolutelynothing.A beautiful,tall, thin blond, and a short, roundbrunettewith a differentface. They wereboth very bright. Theywereboth ex-Catholics.So what? I openedmy reluctanteyes.They wereboth 19 when I fell unconrmittedly in lovewith them.I marriedthefirst whenI was 36.I wantedto marry the secondwhenI was 461
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HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
YOU CAIVT GO HOME AGAIN. My hiddenmotive was to find a young wife, so I could go back and re-live my adult life. It hadn't turnedout like it was supposedto. Goddamnit!Life was going to give me what I dreammarriage. longedfor andbelievedin, a happily-ever-after This time I was ready. There would be no way of messing up. I knewtoo much,everythingI'd learnedfrom two marriages plus all the knowledgegatheredduring M yearson the planet. Our marriagewasn't goingto be the idiotic impossiblekind I was raisedbelievingin. Shit, I knew that wasn't reality. No couplecan do that, not even OzzieandHarriet. This marriage was going to be custommade,designedto fit both our needs. We weregoingto live happilyfor aslong iN possible,thencall it quits. Realistic.Practical.We'd haveeachother as friends, lovers andpartners.What could havebeenbetter?A chanceto go back and do it over, the right way. You're theonty guy who knowswhatyour motivesreally are. I didn't taketime to look at mine, too busylooking for a young wife. Take the time. Have the courageto look genuinelyand deeply insideyourself. It is not shamefulto long for a chance to live life over again.It is foolish to try. Why is it? ONLY CHANGEIS CONSTAfT. Thinkback.Wasn'titlight yearsfrom 16to 2I? Rememberwho you were at21. Were you anythinglike that at 30? What's importantto a L9 year old is insignificantto a 25 yearold. You are nearlythe personyou'll be for the restof your life. At 2I or 22, she'sbeginningto becomethe personshe'll be. At her ageshechangesten times fasterthan you. After a year with you her goals,world view, sexualneedsand lust for life will be so differentfrom the girl you fell in love with your head will spin. In the decadeatreadshe will becomea completely differenthumanbeing,emotionally,spirituallyandpsychologically. Each day she will gain more self knowledge and self confidence.Her horizonswill broaden.Life's possibilitieswill becomenumerousand real to her. Her goalswill change.Her valueswill change.Shewill judge you by thosenew values. Sure, being with her acrosstime will changeYou, it will changeyou radically. But not enoughor fast enoughto keepup with her. Even if you like the new her, shewon't like you. She
YourMotives
51
wantsmore. More "what" shedoesn'tknow. Sheonly knows you can't give it to her. I marriedSharonwhenshewas 23.I was 36. We divorced when shewas 29. We neverhad a chance.The yearsfrom 23 to 29 are five times more change-filledthan thosefrom 36 to 42. We hadtwo yearsof happiness, a year of boring neutrality and endedwith threeyearsof misery. I met Carla on her 19th birthday. I fell self abandonedly, madly,totally in love with her two monthslater. I let love come like a giant tidal wave, crash over me and sweepme away, reborn.Justlike in the movies. The joy of life shebrought.Her face lighting up when I'd just talkingandbeingwith surpriseor pleaseher.Whatpleasure, her. Whathappiness. Whatlack of emptiness.This wasthe one I waslookingfor, the youngwife who couldgive me onemore chanceat living my life over. What did I do? Pressuredher subtly and not so subtly to return my love. What did she do? Pickedfights so she could breakup with me or hurt me so much I'd breakup with her. We had a romanticbut stormy, otr again-offagain 18 month affair until finallyoshequit, fed up with it all. Without her I hadno plan, ro dream.I waslost. I promised to stoptalking aboutliving together,to stopthinking aboutthe futureandlive our affair onedayat a time. Miracle of miracles it worked for threegreatmonths.Then her boyfrienddumped her, "To find out who f am." Two weekslater she said she'd like to work toward living together.Jesus!Did I leap in, heartand soul! During the next two monthsit becamepainfully, eversopainfully apparent,she wasnot interested,willing or capableof sustaininga relationship with me or anyoneelse,for that matter. Shehurt me so deeplyandso oftenby lying during thattime, she destroyedall love I had for her. I felt like sucha fool. I wantedto die. Later, I could seeshehad beentotally confusedaboutlife, love, sexandcommitment.She'dmadethat offer only to ensure I'd be therefor her like a devotedpuppyuntil shedecidedwhat she wanted from life, boys, young men and men. I was a convenientanchor,nothingmore.
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HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
If Carla and I had married her changeswould have made Sharon'slook like minor ripples. Carla was so much stronger andbraver. Shewould havestretchedherselffartherandfaster, growing more, changingmore, becomingmore eachyear until shemovedon. SinceCarla, I am ableto simply enjoywhatmy younglovers haveto offer. As always,I'm honest,ethicalandfair. If I start falling in love I diplomaticallyreducethe internity level, so as not to makeher feel rejected.If sheinsistson knowing why I ambackingoff, I tactfullytell herwhatI've learnedaboutmyself from Carlaandmy unrealisticmotivesfor loving a youngwonurn and hope shecontinuesat a reducedpace. And yet I still find, back there in the corner of my heart, a longing for a youngwife so I cantry again.I stayawareof my motiveandof the impossibilities.WhenI startfeelinglike I may be slippingovertheabyss,I look in themirror andshout,*S.y, fool! She'stwentygod damnedyearsold. Let's not go on that trip, again.Justenjoy, while it lasts." You'll hearmore aboutCarla later on. Therewereplenty of goodtimes,too. But, right now, it's timeto GetReadyFor Her.
Thefirst attraction waspurely physical. ROD STEWART
There'sno suchthing as luck, only preparation meetingopportunity. COACH LOMBARDI
GetReadyFor Her Soon you'll have to talk with her aboutthings she's interested in. First you must look like somebody she'd like to talk to. Translation: Someoneshe'd like on top of her. Let's not bullshit ourselves, okay? She's already what you want. You have to become what she wants. Lard disgustsher! SLIM AI\D TRIM You're not even ready to talk with her until you're within ten pounds of your weight at the end of boot camp. You don't need muscles, you need to be slim and trim. Either get there or buy a video of "Teen Nymphos Unchained" and whack off to it for the rest of your life. There's just one way to lose weight - eat less and exercise more. Only running works. It's effective, measurable.There's no way to rationalize. You can run anywhere, anytime with nothing but a pair of $30 shoes. Bicycling, skiing, tennis, swimming, racket ball and so on, are pseudoexercisewith builtin excuses. Fuck dieting. Stop eating so god damn much. Get your fat ass out there and put those miles on. Everything else is self deception. A six percentweight loss is "well on your way.' If after two months of running and eating less, you aren't well on your way to slim andtrim, you're not serious.Resignyourselfto divorcees over 35. They don't mind fat, it mixes well with theirs.
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
Be intelligent about it. You took ten yearsto get so flabby and out of shape,don't try to get back to your fighting weight in a couple of months.Buy somebooks. Develop a plan, a scheduleand a daily routine with measurable,yet affainable goals.Everythingin your life hasto be adjustedto your fitness progr:lm.Nothing interferes,not dating,not work, not travel, works. not holidays.Only resolveandperseverance When you can run thirty minutesa day, tt a ten minute per mile pacejoin a coedaerobicexerciseclass.Keeprunningon the daysit doesn'tmeetbut get in that class,you'll meetsome new friendsof both sexes,under 30. YOIJNG FRIEIYDS Making friendswith asmanyyoungpeopleaspossibleis the secondmost importantpart of gettingreadyfor her. You know what's the mostimportantdon't you, BeerBelly. While you're gettingtrimmeddown,find, meet,talkwith, andbecomefriends with anyoneunder30. Smileandsayhelloto youngfolks at work, comingandgoing aroundyour complexandespeciallyat any gathering,socialor with otherwise.Thismakesit mucheasierto starta conversation him or her whenyou meetagain. Young females are reluctant to talk with any male who approaches them,let alonea 40 yearold potentialmasher.But you merelyknow someoneshedoes,you havea built in when "reference,"you're not an undesirableof any kind, reducing her tensionand fear quickly. The more fear you can keep out of the initial encounter,the easierit is to attracther. Takejunior collegeor collegeclassesboth sexesunder 30 youngpeoplewill relaxandopen will be in. Duringthesemester up to you if you act like an equal.At semester'send you will be invitedto a celebrationwhereyou'll havea chanceto become good friendswith thoseon your wavelength. I took Film and TelevisionProduction,Radio Production, Film as Literature and Photography.I madea lifelong female and male friend. They formed the core of my after-divorce circle. Join a health club. Visit severalclose to home or work. Chooseonethat'snot a pickupbar withoutthebar. Getto know all youngmales.Make friendswith the onesyou like.
GetReadyFor Her
.55
Invite youngmento watchfootballor any othersportfor that matter,get to know eachotherbetter.Drink beer,talk andtell jokes and other "manly" pastimes.They'll get to seeyou're a nonnalperson.You'll get usedto youngpeople. After you arefriendswith a guy under30 the entireprocess becomesso mucheasier.Whenhe introducesyou it's a stirmp of approvalfrom the anti-dirty old man league.The young womenin his circlesacceptyou quickly if you're friendly and aren't on the make.Eventuallylightningwill strike. REAL WORLD SUCCESSSTORY Last week I went to the supermarketto grab somebeer for theMondaynightgame.Jenny,from my film class,wasworking as a box girl. I stoppedandchattedwith her on the way in. On my way out the cute cashiersaid, "Hi, Don," and gaveme a big smile. I racedthroughmy memorybankssearchingfor a name or where, or when, or how she knew me. At Mark's party?The collegeworkshoplastmonth?Blank, nothingl Shitl I glancedat her nirmetag. "Cathy?Sorry. I don't remember you." Shelaughedand told me she'daskedJennywho I was. We talkeda bit andI left. I wentbackto her checkoutstandthe next day and the next and the next. On Sundaywe went to brunchand talked, got to know each other. Shewas aboutto be engagedto her boyfriend,away at school.Without sayingso shewantedto havea fling beforeshe settleddown. I obligedher, happily. You neverknow whenthegodswill providethe opportunity. I wasprepared.I'd paid my dueswith Jenny. READY TO TALK If you can't talk with women you can't talk with young women. Read,How To TaIk To AnybodyAbout Anything,by BarbaraWalters.Learnhow to converse,with womenfirst. If you can talk to women without getting tonguetied or inappropriatelysuggestive,you only needto learnaboutthings that interestyoung women. Get informed.You don't haveto becomean expertbut don't be ignorantlike her father. You'll highlight the agedifference. What's an 18 to 24 yearold interestedin? Clothes,males, music,cars,movies,television,skiing,travel,partying,drinking anddrugs.Okay,nowthatyouknowwhather interestsare,what
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HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
do you alreadyknow shemight find interesting?Even better, what doessheknow you can learn from her? to her musicstations. Setsomeof your car radiopushbuttons Make yourself listen. Pick out the music you like. Buy the "artist's" albumsandtapes. She doesn't expect you to be into her music but if you demonstrateknowledgeof the current music sceneyou will impressher quickly. Burn your Elvis andSinatraalbumsor put them in the garagewhereshe'll neverseethem. You mightnotbeableto discussPrince,Madonnaor Depeche Mode. At leastyou won't havea blanklook on your facewhen she'stalking aboutthem.You may not like the rockersshedoes but you'll know who they are so you won't be like Daddy or her teachers.You will be different, one of the most important keys to being ableto dateyoung women. CH, CH, CH, CIIANGES When you're almost down to boot citmp weight change coffeeshops,bars,socialclubs, everything.Changerestaurants, sp&,everything.The youngwomenwho alreadyknow you ate just because you finally got it together. not goingto be interested Interviewwith severalnew companiesas you're gettingthe flab off. Pick the onewith the largestnumberof youngfemales on the payroll. If that'snot possible,changedivisionsof your presentcompany.Don't go until you're slim and trim. If you stay at the sirmecompany,forget it. It's too late. All the youngoneshaveseenhow you look at them.They've seen you fat anddressedlike a dork. They won't careif you change now. The typical, southernCalifornia,divorced40 year old buys a red Corvetteand movesto an apartmentcomplexin Marina Del Rey, the singles'capitalof the world. After two monthsof trying he wonderswhy he can't get anywhere.The peoplewho live in theseplacesarepro's, solidplastic.TheyreadPlayboy's "HottestPiclcupBarsIn the Countr!," thenrushto the closest. You can't find a betterway of meetinga youngwomanthan at a friend's house.The quickestandbestway is to moveto an apartmentor condocomplexwheremost tenantsare 25 to 40. The bestwould be oneof thoseapartmentbuitdingsnext to the college,if it's not ninetypercentstudents.The noisewould be overwhelmingand you'd look out of place,thus suspicious.
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Find a placewherethepeoplearenot swingingsingles.Talk to everyoneat work. Ask around.Readthe ads. Then get up off your assand go out looking. Don't bothermoving in until you're slim and trim. You don't want to make any poor first impressions. YO'RrDE, BRO' For all her younglife boyshavetalkedandtalkedaboutcars. Sheacceptsthe importanceof a male having a cool car. Your wheelsare important,not crucial like your slim, trim figure and dressingwell, but don't drive somethingthat reeks of middle age. If you have a four-door Olds, sell it and buy somethingcomparablypriced that's sportyor has someclass. Don't spendbig bucks on a car expectingher to go for you becauseof what you drive unlessyou want to attract gold diggers. VW Rabbit or bug, 914 Your car can be too young picltuptruck or any little Porsche,Vega, Pinto, MG Midget, cheap,tiny car. It canbe too old, literally if it's fadedandworn stationwagon.It canbe or, figuratively,like a nine-passenger like a Cadillacor big Mercedes.Shehatesbig too ostentatious cars,evenconvertiblesor T-topssuchasEldoradosor Lincolns unlessit's trendyas '59 Caddiesarenow (1985). BMW's, Volvos, SaabTurbosand Mercedes190'sare the currentYuppieloves.They'll do fine if you canmakeyourself join the pack. Touring cars are doublebarreled, classy and sporty- Porsche944's, 300ZX's, Vettes,IagXJS's,Maserati QuatroPortos,dreamon. Sporty two door cars like the Supra,Accord, Impulseand four door T-Bird all aregoodchoices.Acceptablesporty/classy Honda andthe made Mazda, sedansare by Jag,Volvo, BMW, sportyAmericaniron (mid-sizeonly). You musthavea "totallybitchin"'stereo.Sheloveshermusic loud and soundinggood. Anythingover $300will do. Do not overextendyour finances.Saveyour moneyto spendon far more importantand productivethings in the future, like flying with her to LasVegas.Youngcompetitorscan't catchyou afterthat, no matterwhat they're driving.
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
YOI]R PLACE Don't havea faggotdecorateit for you. 'Spressyo'sef. You don't haveto haveexpensivefurniture.You musthavea great stereoand her music. A good televisionand stereoVCR are helpful. Dressingwell is far more importantif bucksare tight. Your bedroommust not look like a pleasurepalace.Water bedsarousesuspicions. Masculineandcomfortable,period.No mirrors! Keep your place neat and clean. There is no better first impressionyou canmakeon a youngwomanthanto havea well kepthome.She'susedto thefilth youngmenlive in. And, she's used to being expectedto cleantheir dumpswhen she visits them. Don't evenask her to help straightenup until the third month, thenbe extremelypolite. Most youngwomenlovechampagne. Theythink it's romantic. Pragmaticis whatI think. The carbonationgetsthe alcoholinto her blood streamfaster.I keeptwo bottlesin my refrigerator at all times. They love junk food. Once she's there don't interruptthe flow to go out. Stockup, thenkeepyour fat hands off it. SMOKE Get rid of your cigars,period. Pipesarejust as bad except for the rare youngwomanwho fantasizes aboutmakingit with a professor-type.Stink up the garageuntil shementionsliking pipes. Cigarettesareanotherstory. Shewill not hold it againstyou if you don't smoke.Many dislikecigarettesso muchthey will dismissyou instantlyif you smoke,aboutthirty percentI'd guess.Theresteithersmokeor don'tcare.Don't, until you see her lighting up or until you can find out where she is on this intenselyemotionalissue. Most don't careif you get high smokingmarijuana.Eighty percentwill join you. I estimateonly five percentwill rejectyou for alteringyour perception.I've nevermet one.Abouthalf of the oneswho smokedopewill teaseyou aboutbeing a wimp if you don't but nonewill hold it againstyou. DRUGS Alcohol is her favoritedrug. Shelikes everythingfrom beer to Long Island Iced Teas.Youngeror less experiencedones preferfoo-foodrinks.I've neverevenmetonewho didn't drink.
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After you start moving in youngercircles you will be able to buy anythitrg,includingheroin, within a few hoursof asking aroundamongpeoplewhotrustyou. If you wereinto theSammy Suburbia-Harriet Housewifesceneduringthe 60's and70's you are a potential drug experimenter.I've abandonedall except Miller Lite, cheapchampagne and Kona Gold. Young women,especiallythe rebellious,independentones interestedin an affair with and older man, take drugs for the thrill of it andto testthemselves.Many love cocaine,someto the point of ruining their lives. Nonewill write you off for not snortingbut someconsideryou a heroin addict if you whiff a coupleof lines. This is an issue requiring a sensitiveapproach.Younger femalesaren't differentfrom older onesin this area.However you dealwith womenandcocaineis fine. Youngpeoplearenot the Hoover vacuums portrayed in the media. I strongly recommendnevertouchingthe stuff. Speedand downersin all forms are usedby fifteen percent in my experience.They won't hold it againstyou for not ingestingthesechemicalsor any others,if you don't preach. Someyoungwomentakedrugsto escapefrom a too painful reality. Between1979and L982I sawa beautifulyoungwoman endup on heroin,anotherendup in jail with her boyfrienddead of an overdose.Someonewith a drug problemmay be attracted to you. You canplay savioror bail out early. In my experience, you can't saveanyone. BUSINESSCARI) Designa classy,tasteful,expensive, interesting business card. you from the boys It is a presentto her, your first. It separates andmakesher feel grownupand important.Make it something to talk about.Cute, different,unusual. READY TO SIIAKE You must havea firm, masculinehandshake.If you don't, developone. Have the balls to get advicefrom your female friends.You needn'tsaywhatyou're practicingfor. Feedback is necessaryto change.(Much more on shakinghandswith her is comingin Court Her.'y You can do everythingin this chapterwhile losing that gut, thenyou'll needa whole new wardrobeto startl-ooking hod.
The clothes mnke the mnn. UNKNOWN WISE PERSON
Brown ShoesDon't Make It FRANK ZAPPA, title of a song
Looking Good The young woman out there waiting for you is infatuated with clothes. She talks about them, readsaboutthem, loves shopping for them and appreciatesany man who wears them well. You won't get anywhere looking like her Daddy. Gather up all Daddy-look-a-like clothes. Don't put them in a bag for the SalvationArmy. Burn them. Burn them right now, like evidence convicting you of father rape and mother murder. Next, buy and read thoroughly , Looking Good by C. Hix, published by St. Martin's and The Truth About What Women Really Want In Men, published by Playboy Press. Pay attention to how male models 35 to 60 are dressed in magazineslike Playboy, Esquire and G8. Don't be trendy. That's trying too hard. Follow fashion. After you've read the books and understand the principles involved get up off your wallet and go shopping. If you have a young female friend, or even one who's a burned out hulk of 28, take her along. Tell her you want truthful opinions and advice. If you don't have an under-3Ofriend, enlist an acquaintance but friends are best. They aren't afraid to tell it like it is. DRESSING WELL You must look good and dress well all the time if you're serious. That doesn't mean jacket and tie. It means wearing tasteful, fashionableclothing, appropriate to the situation.
Looking @od
6I
I suggestyou dressas sharplyaspossiblebasedon what the sinrationpermits. In somesettingsT-shirts are fine but a polo shirt would not be over dressedbut sharper,especiallythe color you look bestin. I get the most complimentsin dark greenand black. You know what yoursare. It givesyou an edge.W. e. Fieldsand I only want "a fair advantage.' Being overdressedgives the impressionyou are stury, the kissof deathto under2l possibilities.Daddyis stufff. Teachers are stury. You're a,casual,relaxedman who just happensto be 20 yearsolder than sheis. Dressthe part. Never,neverleavethehousewithoutbeingwell dressedeven if you areonly goingto thesupermarket.Theonetime you don't takethoseten extraminutesto look goodwill be the day Laurie Longleggsis working as cashier,alone,bored and only you to talk with. Clotheswill not makeyou look younger. Sheviews a nran of 40 dressedlike a 22 year old the sameway you look at a fiftyish womanin a mini-skirt. Besidesturning her off, it will causeyou to be secretlyridiculed everywhere,includlng your company.Don't makea fool out of yourselfon purpose,you'll do enoughof that by accidenton this quest. ABSOLATE NO NO'S. BeforeI get into it, re-readZappa's quoteabove.Brown shoesare worn only with beigeor brown attire.Got it? Brownbelts,brown socks,brownjackets,brown any-damn-thing,only goes with brown. There are a few exceptiorn,readthe books. booksare excellentbut they concentrate The recommended on the "do's." Here aremy biggest"don't's." To avoid looking like her Daddy, a patheticSugarDaddy or just a putz, never wear bright colors or anything blatantly polyester.Avoid the rest of thesethe sameway you avoid womenwho are fat, angry ball busters: Two-toneshoesincludinggolf shoes,alohashirts,any hat, ball capsunder-3Oyear olds wear, long boxerunderwear, white jockey underwetr,any undershirt,Bermudashorts, Speedotrunks, patentleathershoes,elevatorshoes,high heels,plaid or patternedpantsor jackets,loudties,white or pastelsuits,mostcowboyboots,tank tops, muscleshirts, withsocks,Beatleboots,Wallabys, bedroomslippers,sandals
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jump slacks,pajamas, Top Siders,Hushhrppies,sans-belt shawlsweaters, pantspockethandkerchiefs, suits,suspenders, matchingwarmupsuitsand sweaters, buttonfront sleeveless any 60's or 70's attire such as bell bottomsor tie-dyed T-shirts. well but as a rule, "When in The bookscover accessories Mandatory do-without's: doubt,do without." watches Gold chains,pinky rings,gaudy,gold ostentatious andrings,goldbracelets.. . Time out! If you're wearing more than $200 worth of jewelry and includingthewrist watch,lou're trying to impress accessories, her with your money.You wanther to wantyou, not what you can buy her. Let the fat, phony pricks driving Mercedes500 SEC'sbehavelike that. They're the oneswho must buy her. Time in! Any necklace,glasseson a string aroundyour neck, lapel pagingbeepers, buttons,largebeltbuckles,half-lensglasses, sweatbandsor headbands,clip on tie, anytie claspor tack, pen holdersand calculatorwatches,shirt pocket-protecting any60'sor 70'sorn:rmentation liketurquoise, silveror beads. There are hundredsof other no no's. Pay attentionto the modelsin the magazines mentioned.Study"the look," copy it your at first, later, develop own. PLASTIC ST]RGERY Faceandeyelifts arefor menobsessed with wrinkles.If you fit in this categorydon't go for the economymodel. Go to the same doctors the stars do, and then only after considering carefullywhy CharlesBronsondoesn'tbother. But wait, this is not somethingto joke about.Plasticsurgery, evento get rid of the bagsunderone'seyesis a seriousmatter. Doctorsscrewup just like auto mechanics.This is a decision requiring extensiveinvestigation.My adviceis, don't take a chanceuntil you're 55 andlook 75.I havethreewomenfriends who havehadplasticsurgery.After two operationsonenow has evenafter tits shecanlive with. The othershadbadexperiences goingto the bestin BeverlyHills. The first "only" hadher crow's feet "fixed" for $3000.She now looks scaredall the time. After crying a lot she's suing.
I-ooking @od
63
The otherhadher nose"fixed. " After winninga threeyearlegal battle she had to go through it two more times. I think she lookedbetterbefore.If it ain't broke,don't "fix' it. IIAIR Don't combyour hair in anelaborateway to "disguise' your bald spotor recedinghair line. That hasthe sirmeimpacton her as wearing white patentleathershoes,lime greenleisure suit, openshirt, five gold chains,a gold nuggetwatchanda diamond pinky ring, InstantDry R.rssy. If you wanther to havethesamephysiologicalresponse,wear a toupee. Hair transplants,hair weavingand other "new" methodsto make your hair thicker only makeyour wallet thinner. Forget it. You needyour moneyfor muchmore importantmatters,like taking her to Palm Springs. Any youngwomanyou talk with doesnot expectyou to have a full headof hair. Shewantsyou to be real, to be a man. Boys Shewantsa man,nota boy. Hair, havehair, mendo sometimes. or the lack of it, doesnot makethe man, his clothesdo. For thoseof us gettingthin on top, short hair is mandatory. It gives the appearance of more. Short means,short all over. Not short with forty long hairs combedback in the middle or other futile attemptto pretendyour hair is not downthe shower drain. For thosewith plentyof hair, shorterhair is still the best.It makesyou look younger.The lengthdependson the shapeof your faceandneck.The besthair style is onethat looks natural and casual,borderingon wind blown. Studythe modelsin the magazines. The well dressedman never looks like he needsa hair cut or like hejust got one.Don't be shaggyor have"white walls.' Unlessyou work for IBM, don't taperthe hair aroundyour businessrnart.No 50's earsand in the back like a conservative hair styles either, especiallyanything resemblingour heros, JamesDean,Elvis, Fabian.The60'sand70'sareout, too. Mick Jagger,Bob Dylan, Frank Zappa,et al arehasbeen's.Getwith it. Anythingthatlooksstyleddatesyou, thenyou don't dateher. Hair helmetswere popular in the early 70's and are worn by
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men still living in the early 70's. Their hair is straightenedby blow drying, styled over the ears, edges turned under, then frozen in place with hair spray. Jimmy Carter's L976citmpaign photo is The Hair Helmet. Jack Kemp was wearing one a couple of years ago, now I don't know. I've lost interestin such trivial shit like who's president.I'm focusedon bigger things, younger things. Colored hair on you, contrary to the ads, looks as phony to her as bleached or blue hair does to you. The slightest bit of artificiality preventsverbal intercourseleadingto the other kind. She thinks, "If he dyes his hair, he probably needs a penile implant to get it up. " Gray and graying hair is a magnet, if you've got a decent body to go with it. If you don't, she only seesa fat, old man. Your slim, trim body comes first with her. If it happensto be attachedto gray hair, all the better. HAIR ON YOaR FACE. Facial hair makes you look older. It also makesyou look like a leftover hippy. Don't dateyourself. You'll only dateyour fist. Sideburnsareuseless,exceptin Tulsa or Appalachia. If you live either place move first, then take time to shave. Trying to compensatefor a bald head with a beard only looks like you're trying to compensatefor a bald head with a beard. Mustaches or beards make you more attractive if you have certain facial features. Do without unlessyou have an upper lip a mile wide or no chin. If your features require facial hair it rnust be neat, short and well trimmed at all times. Don't sit at the table wondering why she's smirking. There's a piece of fettucini hung up in your 'stash. Constantmonitoring is required when eating or drinking. The rest of the time, combing and constantgrooming is a must. Blade shaving seemsto take off a couple of years. I do it in the morning or before she comes over in the evening. The rest of the time I use the Norelco in the car and shave on the way to the supermarket, coffee shop, restaurant or sporting goods store. I never know who may be working there. HNR ON THE REST OF YOaR HEAD. The hormonal changesyou begin around 35 and continuethrough 55 make you want to fuck like an 18 year old. That's good. The samechanges causehair in your earsand noseto grow like Topsy. That's bad.
Looking Cood
Don't let her find a bushin your earwhensheslipsher tongue in there.(You know whatI wasgoingto sayabouther bushand your tongue,don't you?)Hairsstickingout of your noseareas attractiveasa booger.Trim all thesehairseverydamnedweek. Develop a routine. Don't you dare forget. "Yucky" is her descriptiveword for thesehairs. Bushy eyebrowsmust be trimmed.No discussion. BODY HAIR. Thick backhair or chesthair protrudingfrom your shirt makesyou look like a gorilla. Keep it trimmed. It appealsonly to Middle Easterners.I haveno interestin them. Racist?Nope.I know who I like. It's neveranyonewho can't speakthe king's English. MOUTH AND TEETH Tobaccostained,broken,poorly cappedor missingteethput you in the infarnouslime greenleisuresuit and causethe sirme vaginalresponse.So will ill fitting or obviousdentures.Don't makeher dry on purpose,you'll do enoughof thataccidentally. A great smile is worth the bucks. Ask aroundfor the best cosmeticdentist.With dentureproblemsfind the one who fits them for the rich people in your area. If you're still in AppalachiaafterwhatI saidaboutsideburns,lou're out of luck, but don't worry, bad teethfit in there,fine. Keep your teeth clean,breathsmellingsweetat all times. Don't be looking goodthenruin a chancemeetingwith Nancy Nicetitsbecauseyou havehalitosisor food stuckbetweenyour chompers. GLASSES If you can wear contactsget rid of your glasses.Consider some of the tinted ones. Don't try to be a Paul Newman look-alike.Anythingevenslightly phonyputs her on guard. If you canseefairly well withoutglasses,wearthemaslittle aspossible.Squintingto seeheracrosstheroomis notattractive, however. Trendy glassesare always wrong, &s is anything trendy. Glassesthat look old fashionedare alwayswrong, &sis everything old fashioned.Old fashionedto her is five years ago. Lensesthat changedarknesswith the lighting conditionsare simplydorky.
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Vfearingbifocalsor trifocalsis like rolling over to her in a wheelchair with a shawlon and saying,"That dimple on your left kneeis absolutelysensational.'If you needglassesto read, get somethat don't look like readingglasses. otr a string Don't have any glasses,,includingsunglasses, aroundyour neck.Only old menor DiscoDicksdo. Don't push your glassesup on your forehead,only old mendo. Don't push yoursunglasses up ontopof yourhead,onlyWestwoodAssholes andDisco Dicks do. whenyou'rehappy Go to a placespecializingin fitting glasses prescription. your advicebasedon for Ask the salesperson with the shapeof your face and try on several varieties of the frame. Then, try on everyother shape,style and recommended color in the place. Look in the mirror. Ask the salesperson's opinion. If you can't decidebuy severaldifferent stylesandsee which get the best reactionsduring the next few weeks. Get readingglassesin the samestyles.Pick out someframesfor whenyou're there.You may look better prescriptionsunglasses in "shades"of a differentshape.Experiment. Never wearmirrored lenses.Femalesdistrustyou, thinking you're staringwhile hiding. If you like to girl watch,just do it. It rurns many on if you aren't blatantlycrotch gazing. clean.It turnsheroffto look into your eyes Keepyour glasses only to noticehow grubbyyour glassesare. EV]ERYTIIING ELSE A suntanis a solid "fair advantage."In wintergo to a tanning salonbut avoidtheplasticpeoplewho arealwaysthere.The rest of the year get your assoutsideas often as possibleor, if you live in theSunBelt,eatlunchoutsidewhenpossible.That'swhat I do. Neatly trimmed, clean finger nails are mandatory. Her boyfriend's are always dirty from working on his cool car. Young womennoticeeverything.You're so different, they're alwayscheckingyou out, comparingyou to a young man. *like anold rnan's." l,ouiseoncetold me thatmy toeslooked My routine of trimming them every Sundaybefore a 10 K had beendisruptedfor a coupleof monthswhile I let a sprainheal. Buy and use expensivecologneall the time. I havea bottle in my cil, anotherin my office desk.
LookingGood
6T
TIIIS LOOK IS OI{LY TEMPORARY Most of my advicehelpsyou preventher from having the physiologicalreaction mentioned.The look and principles describedin therecommended booksaid in attractingthelargest numberof femalesunder25 but it hasa wonderfulsideeffect, it attractsfar more over 25, making the upcomingadvice in WomenFirst mucheasierto follow. Eventually,you must expressyour individualtastesand the personyou arewith your clothesandoverallappearance. Your goal is to find and datea youngwomanwho likes you as you are, not the you dressedby the book. Youngwomenpreferan older lover who wearsa uniform of sorts- GQ model,tennisbum, cowboy,machocop, business man, professor,movie producer,trucker, agingrock star, or whomeveryou are or want to become.I'm a kicked-back Hawaii-to-mainland transplantwhennot in the office. At work, I'm a semi-traditionalbusinessman with a soft edge. Gradually begin modifying the prescribed look to one expressingyour personality.Staywithin my boundsand those in the two suggested booksfor at leastsix months, a year at 'spress yo'sef. most.Then, While you're slimming down, dresswell and always look good. At the sametime you can begin to developThe Right Attitude.
END OF CAREER INTERVIEWER
Thq called you Mr. Clutch. Seconh lefr, behindby one, you wantedthe ball. Yearafier year you madethosepressurecooker gamewinners.How'd you do it? JERRYWEST
I tried to rememberit's just a game.
The Right Attitude Without the right attitudeyouwon't getanywhereevenif you are slim and trim, looking good, living in the right complex, driving a beigeJag, listeningto her music, working in a new company,partyingwith youngfriendsanddating32 yearolds. Young women are attractedto a man who won't kiss ass. They are stronglydrawn by indifference,feignedor real. She will date you, an older man, only if you're friendly, aloof, relaxed,powerful and confident. Your unspokenattitudeis: "I amthe catchhere,not you. I'm not goingto chaseyou. SureI'm friendly, I'm friendly with all the girls. Yeah, I'm somewhatinterested.It might be possible if you, younglady, playyour cardsright. Well, gottago, there's a nice young womanwaiting for me. Catch you later. By the way, you're not bad.' Later,it's still unspoken:"Goingout with me is natural.I'm attractedto you, you're attractedto me. You havea choice,a manor lots of boys.Well, gottago, there'sa niceyoungwoman waitingfor me. ShelikeswhatI do with her. You will too, when you grow up." And evenlater,still unspoken,it's: "If nottonight,ro biggie, we will. I'm in no hurry. Let's watchtv for awhile." Finally, spoken,it's: "No. I haveplanstonight.Look, I've saidthis before.I don't like anyonecomingover withoutcalling first. Pleasedon't do it again,okay.What?Sure,I'll call you."
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MR. CLUTCH'S ATTITT]DE You're old enough to remember Jerry West. If you ever caught one of his interviews you saw The Right Attitude I'm describing. He was friendly, relaxed and slow. He was not impressed with himself or his ability. To him it was merely a fact, simply the truth, he was the best ever. To unseeing eyes he seemed humble, he wasn't. He was confident, genuinely confident. But notice in his quote above, "tried. " He knew, and accepted,that once in a while he didn't have The Right Attitude. Neither do I and neither will you. Even if talking with a young women is 'Just a game" too, it feels like life or death the first, oh, two or three hundred times. TWO KINDS OF ADVICE I don't offer uselessadvice like "Don't be afraid." Selling books with idiotic counsel like that is fraud, at a minimum. There's no hidden button you can push and become unafraid. Of course you're scared, it's all new, the rules are unknown. You might get laughed at or even slapped. When first meeting and talking with a young woman I'm always nervous. Opportunity without danger is only a pushover. I am not completely confident now and never expect to be. I'm preaching reality. You'll never ". . . pick up girls. By the truckloads," neither will Weber or any cretin who tries one of his 100 best opening lines. My advice is simply to tell you what the right attitude is, then explain how you begin developing it. You'll never get there, sincedevelopmentis an ongoing never-endingprocess.You only get better, never perfect. STEP OI\"E - FEELING LIKE AI\ EQUAL Developing the right attitude begins with the belief and the inner feeling you're the equal of young people. If you think your age makes you better, you won't get anywhere. If you feel inferior to youth, you will be. When you doubt your equality she will pick up those vibrations and turn you down. Achtung! You vil follow orders as given in "Young Friends." Being around youth day and night lets you see,feel andbelieve, they're not much different, you've just had more birthday parties.
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HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
MY EIRST STEP.Long ago and far away in anotherlife I decidedto go after some "young stuff." I wits forty pounds overweight,couldn't run aroundthe block, had a corneroffice with ulcer, dressedin polyester,wore sideburnsandmustache, drovea SedanDeVille, lived "in theheights," listenedto dentist office musakand was unhappilymarried. I felt old, actedold, thoughtold andwasold, in spirit. In fact, I was 32 going on 52. I felt inferior to youth. They had, both malesand females,somethingmagical,somethingI'd lost half my life ago.I wantedit back.Deeplyfearing['d be rejectedand laughedat, I had to force myself. I beganat work, going out of my way to say hello and be friendly with anyoneunder35. EventuallyI madefriendswith a 20 year old receptionist.Within weekssheintroducedme to many other youngpeople. Six monthslater I was running 10 k's with some "dudes" from work. A monthlater,I wasdrinkingbeerwith themat their partieswhereI met and talkedwith females16 to 25. I didn't get anywhere,afraidto try. But just by talking with to youth and was able theseyoung womenI grew accustomed I realizedthey months presence. few After a to relax in their weren't superiorto me but my Jesus,were they ever superior to older females. A few monthslater I was able to approachand havesecret, puresexaffairswith severalyoungwomenat the office. As you know by now they werewith me becauseI wasmarried, not in spiteof it. But at leastI got started.Somehow,someway, you haveto get started,then endup feelinglike an equal,too. STEP TWO _ SLOW AI\D EASY I'm neverrock solid confidentevenafter all theseyearsin the arena.You're nevergoingto be completelyconfidenteither, so work on beingslow. Confidentpeoplearenot in a hurry, not pushy,notnervousor excited.Movingslowlyandtalkingslowly of confidence.First impressions at leastgivesthe appearance are lastingimpressions.Takeyour time. Waiting to talk to her is not what I meanby takingyour time. If you go into her work andshe'sbusy, conductyour business with someoneelseand leave.You're confident.If not today, tomorrow. If not her, then Stacyor Gina.
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STEP THREE - CATCH22 It's just like trying to get your first realjob, not the one as a box boy. "Have you everbeenan AssistantManaget?You haven't.Sorry, we're only hiring experienced personnel.', Here's the circular trap whentrying to dateyoungwomen. Success comesonlyfrombeingrelaxedandconfident.Relaxation comes only from confidence.Confidencecomes only from success. The campaignto gain self assurance is done slowly. It is a two prongedattack.You arerelearningdatingskillsandbuilding confidencein yourselfasa man.There'sonly oneway to learn, by doing. Therefore,you muststartout pretendingto be confident,so you can be successful,then you can relax becauseyou're confident. You create the required, self sustainingloop of success-cottfidence-relaxation by: AchUnglYou vil do asordered in womenFirst.A preview.After you'vebeendatingMaggie, 34, for a few monthsyou'll havethe confidenceneededto start courting Darlene,28, night managerat the restaurantyou've beengoingto for threemonths.Five monthslater, whenyou're dating Darlene,start working on Jean,the 23 year old at the bankandKathy,'22,over in Payroll. You canonly climb backdownonerungat atime.You begin with women,graduallyworkingyourwaydownto Z}year olds. If you're a real masochistyou keepgoing down until you're happyyou canattract18 year olds. A good fight managerbuilds his youngboxer's experience slowly, neverovermatching him, not giving him pushovers.He doesn'twanthis boy to takea whuppin'andlosehis confidence. He doesn'twant him to havefalseconfidence,either. Build your confidence,don't crushit. Think aboutit. plan it. Scheduleit. Don't be in a hurry, neitherRomenor Roberta weremadein a day. If youhaveanunrealisticor hiddenmotivedrivingyourdesire for youngwomenyou will neverdevelopthe right attitude. STEP FOI]R _ GOTTA KNOW WIMN TO FOLD'EM Much of the right attitudeis your willingnessto walk away from her. You mustdo it, notjust imply it. In fact, this hasto be your attitudethe entiretime you're in the relationshipwith
HOWTODATEYOUNGWOMEN
her otherwiseshe'll climb into the driver's seat.(Much, much more later. SeeWho'sIn ChargeHere?) I hadbeenworking on Marilyn for a coupleof months.She was stronglyinterestedand showedit by touchingme often as we talkedand "accidentally"bumpingme with her delightful, a drink after work. Shebrought a teddy tiny tits. I suggested bear, Stephanie. The next week we arrangedanotherdate.Shedidn't show. A few dayslater sheapologizedwith a weak excuse.Shestill touchedme a lot with severalbody parts. I only smiled and waited. After a weeksheaskedmeto Sundaybrunch.I told her I was busy, which was the tnrth. The Raiderswere on at ten, the Cowboysat one. "MaybesOmeothertime. GottagO." Don't be anxiousor too interested.I probablywould have goneto brunchif I had not beendatingTina, then it would not haveturnedout as it did. Two weekslater Marilyn askedto come over to my place "just for onedrink." Two dayslatershespentthenight. Folding" your handworks sometimes.Nothing elseever works. STEP FIVE - IJT{DERSTAI\DING TIIE COMPETITORS Having the right attitudemeansyou know who and what you don't underestiyou'reup against.You don't overestimate, mate.You understandthe realities,then and acceptor decline the challenge. BOYFRIENDSAS COMPETITORS.RemembErLEftOVCTS andStringAlongs.With themit's boy againstman.Knowledge versusineptitudeandignorance.Fearnot. Your andexperience lack of hair and slow reloading time mean nothing. Both Leftoversand StringAlongs are eitherstudsor dudsor shits. fimmy Stadty.After a year she's only a sourceof steady pussy.He'sjust interestedin shootinghis loadandgettingback with whatthey to his four wheelin'buddies.Studly'sconcerned just a girl, " "man. She's a he's himself "proves" to he think as 'Wouldn't surprised? he be "men?" what would sheknow about Jirnmy Dudly. The niceyoungman.He's wantsto marry her andhavebabies.He's loving andcaringbut shedominateshim, controlshim anddoesn'trespecthim. He's her safetynet. She 'nfersure" datewhensheneedsone. She'll seeshim only as a
The Right Attitude
lie andusehim all the time. But whenhe getstired of it, meets someone newandquits,she'llgo afterhim with everythingshe's got, with no time for you. Don't makean assout of yourself, movg oll.
Jimmy ShW. There'sonemore kind of boyfriend,the guy who treatsher like dog shit. He keepsher under his thumb, beggingfor morewhile he doesexactlyashe pleaseswith other girls andwith his buddies. This guy's easyto cut in on but it's impossibleto keep dancingwith her. After a monthyou'll be so glad to hear her proudly announce,"I've absolutely,finally broken it off with Shitly." In a coupleof daysShitly will be a little drunk and secretly want a blow job. He'll call her at two in the mornitrg,crying, promising to change. She'll rush to him and drain him completely,happyto rewardhim for finally becomingthe man shewantedall along. Two dayslater, at a party whereothers will notice, he'll bang Debbie, her best friend. Crushed, disbelieving,she'll comebackto you, until he calls, again. When Shitly's in the picture, changechannels. MF. Rite. The youngwomanwithout a boyfriendwill drop you like a rock for Mr. Rite. You haveno chanceagainsthim. He hastwo qualitiesyou don't, marriableandmarriable.Once shemeetshim you're history. Don't behavelike a dick. You knew the score. Young Husbands.Avoid married young femaleslike you 'When avoidthe girl who says,"[t's only a cold sore." he finds out he will be humiliatedand enragedfar beyondher cheating with just anotherboy. The younghusbandknowshe, himself, is just anotherboy. He can't competewith you, thus must eliminateyou (kill your ass,in plain English)or her, or both of you! STEP SIX _ ACCEPTING YOT]R FAIR ADVAhITAGE Be realistic,you havethe edgeoverall boysandyoungmen. You havefar more experience with life, sex,money,travel and females.You haveacquiredsomeclasswith your age.You reek with naturalpower and don't haveto be a braggart. Moneyaloneputsyou in adifferentleague.Expensivecologne smells ten times better than his Brut. You can go to fine
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
restaurants anynight, notjust afterthe SpringFormal.The two you of canspendthe night at a luxury hotel,right on the water, just for the fun of it. Moneymakesit possibleto travelwith her to faraway placeswith strangesoundingnirmeslike Hawaii, Tahoeor Las Vegas. Let's take cologneas an example.Young women,ilo, any female over 17 has a keen senseof smell, enablingher to recognizeandappreciate thebetterfragrances.Onceshe"picks up your scent" she's instantly aware you're different and somethingspecial.How's thatfor anedgeright outof thechute? Don't leave home without it! Not even to run down to the market. But you know all this. I want you to feel confidentbecause guaran-god-damn-tee you'll needit in abundance. I Thebestandbiggestedge,you're a gentleman. You light her cigarette,openher catdoor, hold her chair,orderfor her, wait until shelifts her fork andall othermannersdiscardedby most men,includingmefor awhile,at thedemandof "strong" women in the 70's. You registerat a hotelwith her at your sidewithoutbecoming arxiouslike Jimmydoes.That'sa first classhotel, of course. You don't lectureher on why sheshouldhavetakenher car to the gasstationinsteadof to the dealer,&she doesto provehe's so smart. You don't grab her tit in public and laughaboutit. You know how to listen and empathizewhen sheneedsto get somethingoff her chest.You're different.More later. You are perceivedby her as powerful, not physically,but powerfulin dealingwith life, with her, with anything.Females of all agesareattractedby power.As oneHankKissingercalled it, "the ultimateaphrodisiac." Don't brag.Don't put downthe competition.Confidentmen don't haveto. Your clothesmakeit easyfor her to quickly noticeyou and then realize she's looking at an exceptionalmale. They immediatelyrecognize,appreciate,admireand areattractedto a well dressedman. Make certainyou're alwayswell dressed. Ensureyou havethis particular"fair advantage"in PhaseOne and PhaseTwo.
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ON NOT BEING TOO I{ICE This is not the seventhstep.Not beingtoo nice is a mandatorY, all inclusive dictate you must follow to have the right attitude. Shewantsyou to treat her nicely, fairly and with respect. What you considernice, fair and respectfulis not what she exp'ects. Why?Because your younglover is anindividualhuman beingwith her own storyto tell, her own personalgoals,values and morals,just like you. Shehas a uniquehistory of bad and goodtimeswith males,beginningwith Daddy. I love beingnice. It is my natureto be nice to anyoneI like and evenmore so, to youngwomenI enjoy. By "nice" I mean considerate, polite, open, vulnerable, giving, attentive, appreciative,wann, accepting, gentle, demonstrativeand expressivewith my affectiotr,and such. Treatmemean,treatmecntelbut ,rrr#rrr; During theearlyaftermathof my divorceI foundwomenover 30 to be unappreciative,evenoffendedby my tendencyin this area. I hopefully expectedyoungerfemalesto appreciatemy niceness.I was shockedanddisappointed.Nearly all find this behaviorunacceptable in any male. Therehavebeena couple of wonderfulexceptionsbut eventhoseyoungwomenresisted beingtreatedwell at first. wHY IT'S NOT IMPORTAI{T. Meeting someonenice disorientsher. I don't knowif shethinls it's too goodto betrue. I do know many young women saw me as a wimp or pussy-whippable and lost respect,as well as interest,quickly. How do I know? BecauseI got tired of striking out and asked in simpleEnglish,"What did I do wrong?"Goodold feedback. Thereare two possibilities.One, she'sbeentreatedpoorly for so long by Daddy and her boyfriends,it seemsnormal, manly.Two, she'shadher asskissedso long she'stired of it. Jimmyadoresher. Daddyspoilsher. Shewantsyou to "act like a man." Who knows?Who cares?Nice doesnot work. ONLY COMMODBSACCOMMODATE.Beingaccommodating is absolutelythe kiss of death.You know, adjustingyour scheduleto hersor evensomethingasunimportantas yielding to her choicefor Chineseover Mexican. "Commode"sounds
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
" tlse this memoryassociationtechniqueto like "accommodate. preventyour affair from endingup in the shitter. Just Don't Do It. In the beginningit was so delightful to finally be aroundthem, talking and flirting but not yet dating. Even I was so happy I'd be nice as well as accommodating. thoughI'd learnednot to, thehardway, with wometr,I returned to my naturalways.WRONG! Eventually,shemay be ableto acceptyour nicetreatmentof her, phonecallsjust to talk, flowers, back rubs, presentsand so forth. But early on shewill simplydrop you. Part of her motivefor talking with you is the challenge.She wantsto seeif shecanget you. Don't disappointher by being no contest.It goesalongwith the conceptof aloofnessI preach. It stimulatesthem. I enjoy stimulatingthem in every possible manner. I resistmy strongdesireto be niceuntil we've datedat least four or five times.After that, I'm only onetenthas niceas I'd like to be. Oncein awhileI still losecontrolif she'smy cup of tea. Of courseshebacksoff. ThenI haveto go out of my way to be indifferent,evenmean,followedby daysof being "too busy" attemptingto get things back to the way they were, enjoyable. your it doesn'tbecause Oftenthis maneuverworks.Sometimes niceness damaged therelationship forever.Translation:Shelost respectfor you. I learnedfrom my secondmarriageit is not productivefor eithermyself or the horse,to beata deadone. Chalk it up, moveon. REAL WORLD LESSON - ROI]hID Oh[E six feettall, with Mary was25,beautiful,bright,extroverted, an assthatmademe cry. A solid9.65 on my scale.We worked at the samecompany.I hadmy eyeson her nearthe endof my marriagebut during thosefinal monthsI had no energy or capabilityto go after her. I did talk casuallywith her as often as possible,indicatingmy interestobliquely. After my divorce,whenI wassemi-backtogether,I wentfor her. On the seconddatesheconfessedshehad beeninterested in me for a long time but knew I was married, so controlled herself, sayingshehad beenburnedby a married lover once before.Shepaused,lookedat me in anunusualway, thensaid,
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"And besides,I was living with my boyfriend,' pause,beat, beat, look of hopeful approval,*and I still do.' oNow?' I blurted, finding it incongruoussingle people *fooled around" like marriedones.Jesus,\ilasI naive! She quickly explained she wanted to go out with me but wantedto be honestabouther situation.Okay, no problem. I was accommodating to the max. We went out on her schedule, where she wanted, when she wanted,cost was no object, &d nauseam. On the fifttt and final dateof round one she said she didn't want to seeme any more, offering shedidn't enjoy beingwith me becauseI madeher so neryous.*Oloy," what else could personmutter, right? an accommodating ROUND TWO. Eight monthslater I had changedcompanies and finally gottenthe messagenot to be nice after receivingit severalmore times from other young women. Shelet a friend of mine know shewas living aloneand wantedto seeme. We went out. I relatedto this9.65like shewasa 6.0, moderatelyinterestd, somewhataloof but pleasant.After two lunch datesshe was standingin my kitchenwith her blouseunbuttoned,her lipstick smearedover both our faces,working on her third Margarita and rubbingher crotch againstmy thigh while I caressedthose magnificentbuns. I took her handand startedfor the bedroom.Sheheld back, "I have to tell you something."Being aloof and indifferentI said, "You're a virgin andyou wantme to be gentle?' No, that wasn't it. Shehadherpesbut right now it wasn'tactive.I said, *Okay," and startedfor the bedroom.Sheresisted,sat down. told She ffie, awlavardly,it's wasn'tjust herpesholdingher back. Shealso had venerealwarts, a vaginalinfectionand she might be pregnant,"I thoughtyou'd want to know, first. " I didn't scream,"No Shit, Sherlock!' like I wantedto but stayed in the living room andtactfully inquiredwho had causedall her problems. The live-in boyfriend wits responsiblefor the herpes and warts.Her marriedlover for thesuspected pregnancy.(Yes,the marriedlover shehadbeenburnedby before.)I didn't inquire aboutthe infectiotr,gotus anotherdrink andwonderedhow long
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
she'd hang around. She got the hint and split twenty minutes later. You can seewhy Mary didn't have the slightest idea what to do with someone treating her nice. Mary is not typical. She represents, in the extreme, just how rotten some of them are treated. Either she was used to it and considered it normal or she didn't have enough self respectto insist on being dealt with like a human being. I never bothered finding out. Okay. You know what the right attitude is. You know everything elseneededto court her exceptwhy it's WomenFirst.
Eighth, and lastly, they are so grateful. BEN FRANKLIN
WomenFirst I've assumedyour courtshipskills are corrodedand useless afterten or twentyyearsof marriage.(If you easilydate27 year olds skip this section.) A relured, confident manner is mandatoryto date young women. Catch 22, again. Reluration comesfrom confidence which comes from repeatedsuccess.Nothing succeedslike successis not an emptyphrase. Relearnsocial skills and build your confidenceby courting only thosefemalesyou havea good chanceof being successful with. If you insist on beginningwith young'women or not spendingenoughtime masteringthe fundamentals,you'll get a good whuppin'. Be a good fight manager-promoter, don't overmatchyourself, youngeris harder. Sure, at your LEe,it's humiliating, frustrating,expensive, corny,lonely,painful,et al. But relearnyou must,if you're ever going date that 22 year old, red headedreceptionistat your dentist'soffice. You know, Ginny, thefriendly onewith thebig white teeth,big greeneyes,big soft tits andbig roundass. WOMEN DEFINED Womenare over 30, divorcedor living apartfrom a former live-in lover and have supportedthemselvesfor five years. Women are realistic about money, time and sex, as well as what's possiblewith you. They know who they are. They're
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
more comfortablewith and acceptingof themselvesas human mattersand beings.They worry far lessaboutinconsequential keepa long rangeperspectiveon life. They permit themselves to be different, resistingtrendsand fads. A womanlooks at the world and seessomethingsimilar to what you and I see.Sheis not cynicalbut she'snot brimming with optimismandhopeas a youngwomanis. Shehaspicked out her nicheor is working on it. START WITH WOMBN You can't go directlyfrom high schoolto DodgerStadium. You haveto pay your duesin the minors.But don't wait until you're settingthebushleagueon fire batting.473.Whenyou're ableto partially functionin the next lower agebracket,move. You can't play, let alonescore,in the majorsuntil you can hit big leaguefastballs.But you can't evengetwoodon a high hard oneuntil you've stoodin the batter'sbox andseen,again and again,the heaters,as well as the junk, not to mentionthe curvesthrown by youngerwomen. You'll get suckeredby those curves and kiss the dirt, especiallyafteryou'vebeenbeaneda coupleof times.But hey, Reggie'sbeenhit, Carewwas brushedback, Rosegot fooled by changeups andeveryone'swavedat Fernando'sscrewgee. Not manybat over .250. My averageis only .190 evenafter I've learnedto patientlywait for my kind of pitch. Translation: until sheshowsinterest.Muchmorein CourtHer andMeetHer. Beginningwith womenreducesthe pressure.When there's less at stakeyou're relaxed,you functionbetter, so you're successful.Catch22 defeated. by themat work It's easyto meetwomen.You're surrounded you giving afarwiderselection. andwithinyourexistingcircles, If you don't do well with the first, thereare second,third and forth choiceswaiting in the wings. WOMBN YOU'LL DATE. You will meet four types of women,all divorced.I doubtyou'll meeta womanwho never married,I didn't. The Ex-Housewife.After yearsof being only a housewife and mothershehasa hard time acceptingsinglestatuswhen it comes.Shedoesn'tknow much aboutthe real world and how to survive.She'sfrightenedof the futureanddoubtsher ability facingher. to handlethe problemsand responsibilities
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She'sbitter aboutthedivorceaswell asaboutlife andresents men. In spite of this, she wantsanotherhusbandas soon as possible,so she'swilling to daterecentlydivorcedmen. This woman,evenif she'sbeenon her own for a coupleof years,is quiteyoungsociallybecause shewasstuckat homefor ten or fifteenyears.So, she'll teachyou the crucialimportance of takingyour time andbeingpatient,requiredcourtshipskills for youngwomen. If recentlydivorced,she'sasuncomfortableaboutdatingas you, so she'san understanding person.Shewill help you get pastthe fear of approachingandtalking with a female.This is a first step,somethingeveryjourney requires. SinceI told you of her questfor a new husbandyou won't blow up when she wantsto know your plans for remarriage before the saladarrives, right? You'll just tactfully use my answersto inevitablequestions,laterin thebook,thensmileand say, "Passthe salt,please. " The Swingin' Single.Sheavoidedthe housewifetrap. She's far lessfrightenedof goingit aloneanddoesn'tusuallyturn out to be a secretmanhater.She'snot lookingfor anotherhusband right away,if ever.Her agendais similarto yours.If she'sbeen divorcedlessthantwo yearsshe'smakingup for lost time and lost youthby datingandmatingwith acceptable malesat every opportunity. This womanandher "sisters"canhelp you the mostas you easedown the age ladder becauseshe insists on rituali zed preliminaries requiring the male be confident, casual and indifferent.Shedoesn'tmind if you pretendbut you musthave that attitude.The goodnewsis the prancinganddancingphase canbe as shortas twentyminutes,after you get the hangof it. Thesewomen are nearly all shallow and defensive.They weren't that way when divorced. They changedfor self protection.You caninadvertentlypick up a disastrous ideaabout youngerwomenfrom theseswingingsingles.You may think all singlefemalesbehaveandbelieveasthesepeopledo. Wrong. Young women are nothing like them exceptyou need to be confident. Although much of what you learn meetingand talking with themis directlyapplicableto youngwomen,thisphaseandthese
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
women will be hard on you. Occasionallyyour ego will get smashedand your feelings brutalizd. Some of them are unbelievablycold anddishonest.This is only a learningstopover on the way down. Don't let the overallphoninessbe discouraging, &stherearesome,a few, genuinelyniceones.Don't spend more thanfour monthsdatingswingin' singles.Too muchtime here will makeyou as hard, cruel and phony as they afe, then you'Il haveno chancewith real females,young, or any others. OU Girls. She's an immaturefemale in an aging body, a of therealworld. She's divorceewho hasn'tgraspedtheessence fantasizedaboutwhen she life happy single trying to live the married. This "girl's" hallmarkis irresponsibilityin general,financially in particular.She'smovingbackin with herparent(s)at age32. Shelost her job for being absenttoo often, stayingup all night snortingcoke. Her ex wonderswhere the money went. Sheblew half the settlementon a new wardrobe,new furniture, new stereo,new television,new refrigerator,new everything.Sheblew half of what was left going to Hawaii for a month, "l deserveda vacation." After returning, shegot rid of the rest as the down paymentfor a red 300 Turbo ZX and the first and last, plus security deposit to move into the Singles SanctuaryLuxury Apartmentsin Marina Del Rey. Therentwas$875plusutilities.Thecarpaymentswere$630. Her salaryis a whoppin' $2300a month. Thesefemalesareuselessin your re-educationprocess.They haveall the bad qualitiesof youngwomenandnoneof the good ones.Excuseyourselfto getsomemoreice for your drink when shebeginstelling you what bad luck she'sbeenhaving. TheIndependentWomnn Womendivorcedfor a long time, or not, areself sufficient.Their agendaincludes ex-housewives enjoyinglife, period. They are muchmore selectiveaboutmen sincethey are contentto be alone, not attemptingto makeup for anything. They are interestedonly in stable, long term relationshipsandjudge you accordingly. Sheseldomdatesanyonedivorcedlessthana coupleof years, havinglearnedthehardway, thesemenaretroubledandtrouble. She's the easiestto talk with but spotsbullshit at fifty yards,
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havingheardit all before.Shedoesn'trequireaffectedbehavior. Sheinsistson sincerity. You can have the most fun and learn much aboutyourself datingthesewomen,from 45 to 30. That'safteryou're ableto go out with onemore thanthreetimes.Whenyou can, if she's closeto 30, you're readyfor the AlmostWomen. STARTING AT TIM TOP Mistakesteach.Learnfrom everyoneyou make.Eachof us learnsat a differentpaceandeachof us hasa differenttolerance for failure. Adjust your descentdown the age ladder to stay slightly abovethe failure rate you can endure. Each fifth birthday puts a womaninto a different courtship group:30 to 34, 35 to 39, 40 to 45, ffid over 45.I didn't make up thesebrackets,that's the way sheseesherselfand the way societyregardsher. If you'vebeendivorcedfor a year,arenotanemotionalbasket caseandlook under50, beginwith the 35 to 39 group. (Those who don't meettheserequirements haveto beginhigheron the ladder.) After a relativelyshort time, a wild assguessis six months,you canslidedownto the 30 to 34 agerangeif you've masteredthe basics:find-meet-talk-date. While dating3A-34yearoldsyou will learnhow womenwho arespiriruallyfar youngerthanyou think, behaveandwhat they value.An addedbenefitis meetingandmakingfriendswith even youngerpeople.Anotherwild assguess,it'll take you a year at this level beforeyou assaultthe under30 barrier. You canbeginwith 30 to 34 yearolds if you look under40 unlessyou are a wreck emotionally.Spenda year. You'll be doing four things at once: re-learning meeting and dating; developingthe right attitude, outlook and behavior toward femalesin general;learningfrom your mistakes;and making youngfriends. Remember,no morethana few monthswith Swingin'Singles in anyagebracket.You're learninghowto relateto realfemales. TIIE BIG BREAKTHROUGH . ALMOST WOMEN You can meetand talk with these,next to the best, females only if you'vemadefriendswith youngerpeople.You'll be able to datethemif, and only if, you're easilydatingwomen30 to 35.
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with howtheworld Althoughtheyhavemuchmoreexperience really works, comparedwith their youngercounterparts,most retain many of the nicer qualities of youth. Their tastesin clothes,musicandmalesis radicallydifferentfrom women's. They relateto men more like coedsthanwomena few years older. It will be easier,later, to date22 and23 yearolds than the first 27 yearold. Don't whire, just pay your dues. quickly. Theoneswhohaveneverbeenmarriedgetpossessive just may knows, Who marry. You You're only a bit too old to fall in love and nevermake it down to the next rung. The more recenther divorce, the crazierit gets. During the 30- It's to 20 or 21, evenif approaching first yearsheregresses exactly know her way of makingup for a lost youth. You should how shefeels. OrNCVCT THE 29 YEM OLD, A SPECIAL CASE. DiVOTCEd mid-life the to married, shefacesan emotionalupheavalsimilar crisis we malesconfront. This womanis offendedby someone your ageattemptingto dateher. Your interestis hard evidence she'snot youngany longer. Don't takeit personallywhen she rudely rejectsyou. Shedoesn'thave any more againstyou as a human being than you have againstwomen over 40. You shouldknow exactlYhow shefeels. WARNING! Want a .35'l hole in your chest?Date any separated,not divorced,woman.You can get two holesin your chestif you go out with anyoneinvolvedin a custodybattle.Go to her place. Her ex's ego and dreamshavebeencrushed.He's waiting to seewho comesout of her apartmentbetweenmidnight and six in the morning. The youngerhe is the more dangeroushe is. *machoman" you're dead. If he's a cop, firemanor any other Do not get involved with thesewomen. LOSE A BATTLB, WIN TIIE WAR If you can't getanywherewhenyoumoveinto a lower bracket your attitude,outlook andmannerare lacking. It could be you went down the ladder too fast. or, you could simply be an asshole.Justwantedto makesureyou're payingattentioll.Move your confidense.No war wasever backup a rung. Re-establish won without a singleretreat.
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But, this war is different. Since you're a man, not a boy, ffid she's only a young woman, you must have Ethics and not play by the rule Disco Dick and everyoneelse is following, "All's fair...,"
Baby, baby, don't get hookedon me. MAC DAVIS
Ethics Call off the battle of the sexes.Young womendon't know there'sa war goingoll. You're enteringa world wherethe femalesare harmlessand Theyhavethin walls, minor wounds,smallcombat defenseless. scars, little animosity toward males and few manipulative oblige.[n thiscase, . Noblesse youhaven'tseenbefore techniques knowledgeoblige. Any knowledgecanbe usedfor goodor evil. You candrive an arnbulanceor a getawaycar. How you use what you know determinesyour worth as a rnan. That's man, as in hu-man being.Conductyourselfethically.Deserveher trust. Enjoyher, don't useher. your relationshipwith her is oneof unequals.The inequality dictatesyoutakeresponsibility,ensuringeverything'sconducted in an ethical manner. Honesty and fair ptay on your part is mandatory,ro matterwhat shedoes. I'm committedto honesty,tactful honestyof course,in any humanrelationship.I learnedthatthehardway, too. Dishonesty ruins everythingandmakesanyrelationship,especiallya caring one, a disgusting,hypocriticalsham,a wasteof time. Relations with the Internal RevenueServiceare the exception. Whenyou get to Talk WithHer you will find ethicalanswers to inevitabtequestions.I tell you there,as I tell you here, it is
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not necessaryto lie. It is not honorableto lie and it's not effectiveto lie, aboutanything.Don't lie. Tn Court Her you will find out why it is not evennecessary or productiveto misleadher. But, the most importantreason is - you haveto look yourselfin the eye, in the mirror, every morning. You want to seea man, &sin hu-manbeing looking back. Besides,honestyworks, nothingelsedoes. You don't haveto slapher facewith, "Hey baby,this can't last. I'm way too old to marry you." But you are absolutely honorboundto plantseedsof thoughtearlyon sotheyhavetime to sproutinto the conceptsneededto re-orienther if shestarts wishingit could "lead somewhere. " SEED1. No, I don'thavea girl friend.Don't like 'em, gets just like to havefun andenjoylife. too complicated, SEED2. I proposea toast.To a grandtime, for as long as it lasts. SEED3. Yeah,I've hada couple[affairsJ.Whathappened? oh, you know, timeschange,peoplechange.I'm gonnamake anotherdrink. Want one? SEED 4. What happenedwith Bobbi and me? It was great for oh, 'bout sevenmonths.Shestartedacting like I was her boyfriend.We'd talkedand stuff but oh well, times change, peoplechange.Whoseturn is it? Did I movethat forty two? SEED5. My secondwife?Too youngI guess,changeda lot fasterthanI did, endedup wantingto havea baby. . . . silence. . . . what? oh sure,we'd talked,had an agreement,[o kids but peoplechangeyou know, forget what they said. SEED6. I haveplansWednesday. How 'bout Saturday? SEED 7. I don't like it when anyonecomesover without calling. Pleasedon't do it again.(The first time quietly, the secondtime loudly with four letterwords.) SEED8. where wasI all weekend?. . . silence. . . What's thematter?Well uh, it's getting,uh well, you're actinglike I'm yourboyfriend.(Thesecondtimedeletethe "uh's," add"I don't think this is working.") SinceI've tried the impossibletwice I don't let myself get too far down the road toward emotionalentanglement. You'll learn that the hard way, too.
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
AT{ ETHICAL AFFAIR WITH IIER A grandsymbiosistakesplace.Sheteachesyou how to enjoy the now, you teachher how the world really works. She'snot your final destination,only a joyous way station on your roadto oblivion.You arenotherfinal destinationeither. You're only a pleasantway stationon her road to marriage, childrenand living happilyever after. Shareyour knowledgeof business,people,parents,young men, collegeandpracticalsolutionsto her life problems.There is a wonderfut,mutuatlyrewardingtime to be had by both of you as you help her discoverThe Joy of How Life Really Works. Part of what you bring to this party is your ability to showher whatshemay not find out for eightmoreyearswithout you. In return, she sharesher optimism, enthusiasm,intensity, of you as and acceptance silliness,playfulness,responsiveness time rewarding mutually wonderful, a is There a humanbeing. of Joy The you discover helps to be had by both of you as she her ability party is Living, again.Partof whatshebringsto this to showyou what you will neverfind out withouther. MIGHT MAKES RIGIIT Thestrongestmalesgetthebestfemales.It's alwaysbeenthat way, it is that way and it will alwaysbe that way. - younger-best-female wasgoingon 50 Stronger-older-male openly in all goes on million years before Neanderthal.It openlyinour middle societiesof ourprimaterelatives,somewhat classandblatantlyin our highestsociety.It will be goingon eons after you are recycledas worm shit. Live now but play fair. VIRGINS ARE ONLY FOR BOTT'RIENDS Somewit oncesaid, "I don't seewhy malnutritionisn't a virftrewhenchastitYis." A virgin doesn't get the joke. She has values and beliefs radicallydifferentfrom yoursandthus,is incompatiblewithYou, at a minimum. Shebelieveswith all her heart shehas a gift of worth andexpectssomethmgequallyvaluablein immeasurable return, like marriage. Virginity indicatesa severereligioustrpbringingor a lack of sensualityor plenty of neurosis,usually all three. A young woman in this stateis someoneyou must only feel sorry for.
Her spirit andmind aredistorted,her values,beliefsandgoals are in direct contradictionwith nature.Sheis abnormal. Sheis five yearsaway from being capableof an affair with a man. That's right, five years away from being capableof learning, understandingand enjoying an older lover without beingscarredanddamaged.You arenotto "help" her. Shemust find her way backto reality withoutyou. Sheneedsa boyfriend, a real boyfriend,not a man, to help her work this out. If you'd evenconsiderdefloweringa youngwoman,ffi&yyour nuts fall off, tonight. BIRTH CONTROL The year you read this book twelve percentof unmarried femalesunder 2L will get knockedup. They all know about contraceptives but few of theyoungeronesuseffiy, feelinglike they're committingpremeditated fornication.The onesslightly older hopethe boy will protectthem. Strangelyenough,even intelligentonesplay Vatican Roulette,preferring the rhythm methodto blatantresponsibility,like the pill. You are responsiblefor not impregnatingher. You are responsible for determiningif she'son thepill or if she'slying. You areresponsiblefor diplomaticallybringingup the subject at anappropriate time,notthreeseconds beforepenetration.You are responsiblefor being prepared,vasectoffiy,spennicide suppositories, foam or condorns. You areresponsiblefor everything.She'sa youngwoman, you ate a man. Rememberthat as you Coun Her.
Thereare two phasesof a relationship. PhaseOne is everythingbeforepenetration. PhaseTwo li everythingafier. UNKNOWN WISE PERSON
Court Her Courtshipis practicedby all speciesin which the male is a supplicant,thatis, thefemaledoesnot instinctivelyandactively seekcopulation.Eachspecieshasa ritual thatmustbe followed carefully for the male to be permittedto mount and penetrate. andaggressiveness Theritualsall involvedisplaysof dominance on the on the part of the male, reluctanceand submissiveness part of the female. Adult gorillastakefive hoursto completean intricatedance of gesturesand branchwaving. Thatosfour hourslonger than it takesto conducttheWestwoodsingle'sritualsof: Lying About What You Do For MGM, MentioningYour Blvf\il lvith Alpine Stereo,FlashingYour Gold AmericanExpressCard, Talking About How Boring AspenWas, Ad Nausealn.All that, just to get herpes. AGGRESSIVE MALES Femalesof atl speciesexcept one, refuse to mate with males.The exceptionis homo sapiens.Luckily non-aggressive the aberrationis mostlylimitedto neurotic,ball busterspast30. You will get nowhere with young women if you are not aggressive.They havenot lived long enoughto becomec/:ary enoughto seeka passivemale.They haveonly limited courting andno knowledgeof how or whentobetheaggressor experience or evenhow to be anequal.They'vealwaysbeenthe submissive one excepton rare occasionswhen attractedto the shy boy at
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school. And then they were only aggressiveenoughto start a conversationor two until he got the idea,thenthey satbackand let the "rnan" be in charge,"the way it's supposed to be." TOO OLD TO MARRY IrER, NOW WIrAT? The young woman you've chosenhas what thousandsof competingmalesfrom 15 to 80 want. What will convinceher to give it to you when sheknow's there are no weddingbells in your future?The answerhastwo parts. Part One: Shemust think havingan affair with you is her idea.Part Two: Shemust haveat leastthefantasypossibilityof a romancewith you before shewill havean affair. You must be aggressiveto get thingsunderway.Then you haveto slow downandcourther. Justbe your silly old self and havefun with her until shediscoversit would be wonderfulto havean affair with you. Part One solved. Young women do not see intercourseas the purpose of courtship.Their ultimatedestinationis the altar. To solvePart Two, you just don't burst her bubble.During the early stages of courtshipyou must not s&y, "I'm never getting married again," you darenot showobviousinterestin otherfemalesand you cannotbe smoothand experienced. In her headandheartsheknowsthe realisticchancesof a life long romancewith you are slim. Don't lie, cheat, steal or manipulate.Whenshe'sreadyto havean affair, shewill create "thefantasypossibility"soshecanrationalizeand proceed.Keep this in mind as you readfrom hereto the end of the book. See how everythingis designedto let, not make,thesetwo things happen. COI]RTSIIIP BY COIWERSATIONS We humansconductcourtshipby talking. The complexbut mandatory,ritualistic displaysof dominanceand submission, aggression,reluctanceand reassuranceall take place during conversation.Although the words you and she choose are important,evencritical, mostcommunicatingis donewith facial expression,toneof voice,postureandthe mannerof touching. Buy, don't borrow, its manybookson body languageasyou can find. Readthem thoroughly.Studywomen,young women andgirls engagedin conversationwith a maleof any age.Don't listen to the words, watch both people. Begin to notice the
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exchangeof signals.The most famousbook is BodyLangunge by Fast, It's by a writer who interviewedexperts and then presentedhis disguisedopinions as fact. Ever heard of that before?It's okay as a first whackbut lame. Used book storeshave them. It's worth $100 to get the non-verbal languageof courtship down pat. Watch females talking everywhere,anywhereuntil you're ableto instinctively tell when she'sinterestedin the male she'stalking with. A MINI-SCENARIO. You approachher, an actof aggression. You smile back, an act of She smiles, an act of reassurance. In response, You sayor do somethingaggressive. reassurance. reassuring. or aggressive submissive, something or does shesays The ball's in your court. it maybe a testof your courageandworth If she'saggressive or shemight be frightenedandneedto be reassuredyou intend no harm,thenagain,shemaywantyou to dropdead.Reluctance requiresmore aggression.How much?Depends.Readon. It's been don't respondwith aggression. If she'ssubmissive established,at leastfor the moment,you're the dominantorle. her by beingbriefly Showher thatyou won't hurt or embarrass Then be submissive,a smile, a bit of boyish awkwardness. If shereassured aggressive. You,do the same. How aggressive?Depends.On what? Your ability to determinewhat's neededfor acceptanceas dominantwithout chasingher away.How long will it taketo learnthat?Depends. On what?How goodyou are,right now,with women.Of course by severalothers you'll haveto scareoff a few andgetdismissed notto do. About what you out figure passive before for beingtoo fifty of eachwill do it! WIIERE SIM'S COMING FROM When approached,her fearsare the sameas any female's. Shedoesn'twant to be attackedor groped.Onceher primary concernis satisfied,she's afraid of the samethings you are: beingused,humiliatedor rejectedduringcourtship.Shehasher pride,just asyou do. Shecan'tresponddirectlyto your advances without risking rejectionby you. Sheknowsshecanattractboysbut doubtsher ability to attract a man. You may be the first man, exceptfor obviousdirty old men, to showinterestin her andshe'snot sureit's real. She's
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in unfamiliarterritory. The rulesof courtshipassheknowsthem may not apply. You couldjust be flirting with her. If shecomes back with opennessand receptivity you might laugh at her for taking you seriously. She cannotresponddirectly until she's feeling more confidentin her ability to handleyou. Her deferuesare up. She'sextremelynervousand will talce flight, physicallyor emotionally,if sheexperiencesany of this astoo dangerous.This asanencounterwith afar morepowerful malethanshe'susedto dealingwith. She'sunsureof her ability to manipulateyou. Will the ploys sheuseswith boys work on a man? She's doesn'tknow what she must do to avoid being dismissed as unworthy, thinking she's way overmatched. Appreciatehow powerlessshefeels. There's a thin line betweenbeing a powerful male and too powerful for her. The lessconfidenceshehas, the lesspower you show while remainingpowerful. To understandher emotionalstateevenmore clearly, rcalize shethinksyour ageandexperiencewill enableyou to charmher pants off before she wantsthem off. Add the elementof self judgment. Shemay find herselfguilty of perversionfor being interestedin someoneold enoughto be her father. Directingandcontrollingher desirefor you is aneverpresent fear of the consequences. For you, the worst that can happen is your friendsandthe restof society,excludingyour company, will clucktheirtongues,smirkandsaysomethinglike, "ol; Don Boy's trying to provehe's still got it. " She'sthe onewho will be chastised, ostracized,critici zedoranyother"sized' you care to name. The younger, the more concernedshe is aboutnot looking pervertedby showinginterestin front of her peers. Shemust maintain her image, whatevershe thinl$ it is, when they're around. fuid now, thegoodnews.Shelovesthenoveltyandexcitement of flirting andbeingthe objectof a man'sattention.If you don't scareher awayshewantsmore, more, more. RELUCTAIYCE, RESISTAI\CE AI\[D TESTS Young womendon't respector like you if you take any of their shit. They seeit as a sign of weaknessand an indication they alreadyhaveyou by the balls,just like their boyfriends.
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
Shewantsto know, "Is this guy a real man, or what?nShe has to convinceherself you're worth it. You must passher "entrance"exams.Thesebegin when she pretendsnot to be interested.She'stestingyour sincerity.If you persist,mildly, she'sconvinced.In thesitmeconversation or thenext,sherejects you gently, seeinghow you'll handleit. If you get angry she figuresshe'salreadygot you, the end.You alsofail whenyou act hurt, like a little baby boy. You haveto reactlike a man, the one describedin The Right Attitude. She doesn't want anotherboy, shewantsa man, evenif it is scary. Whenyou fail her entranceexams,you don't gain entrance, to her. It's necessary to showinterestbut not too much,certainlynot to the point of giving her control. You have to maintainthe appearance of aloofness,otherwiseshe'llgetaroundto you when she'sdonewith everyonewho doesn'tchaseher. Rejectingyou stronglyis her way of avoidinga situationshe can't handleor you cameon too strong.Then again,shemay thinkyou're a dick. It happens.Keepmy battingaverageof .190 in mind. PRESSI]RE OR PBRSISTENCE If shefeelspressuredshewill dig in her heelsand you will be far worseoff thanif you'd just waiteduntil you "accidentally" crossedher path again.Determineif you're doing it right by checkingyour inner state.If you feel like you'll die if you don't get to go out with her, you're doing it wrong. You mustreally feel, believeandknow with all you're heart and soul you can do just fine withouther. That, my friend, is the stateyou'll eventuallyachieveif, andonly if, you learnfrom your mistakes.After ruining it enoughtimesyou'll realizelife goes on no matter which one turns you down. True enough, you'll feel like dog shit. It passes. Later, when you've screwedup enoughtimes, a light will comeon in your head.You'll seeyoungwomencancomeand go without it killing you or makinglife a paradise.Achieving this statewasa five yearprocessfor me. It still slipsaway,now and then. Don't panic in your secondor third year.
Court Her
LESSONS IN PERSISTENCE AI\D MORE. I met Kim, a sharp looking, slightly chubby (my favorite) six-footblondwhenshew:rssittingwith a wonuurfriend of mine at a local restaurant.I joined themfor a leisurelydinner. Good, goodvibrations. My friend went to the rest room getting readyto go home. I took the opporftrnityto suggestlunch to Kim, askedfor her numberandofferedmy card. Shesaidshe'dcall me if it seemed like a goodideawhen shewasn't so tipsy. I was stunned.She wils at least 23, old enoughto have been here severaltimes before. Shedidn't call. I told my friendwhathappened,"Don' know, said she liked you, isn't dating anyone." I gaveher my card, and askedher to give it to Kim and say I wantedto hear from her. Friday night Kim called. We chattedand madea datefor Sundaybrunch.I askedwhy shedid not call before, "I had to be sureyou really wantedto go out with me. You did.' During brunch it was obvious we were not on the same wavelength.To quoteherdirectly, "I'm tired of gettmgscrewed andlied to. I want to dateoneguy who only wantsto dateme." Translation: "f'm 26, going on 27. Desperate,gotta get married." I broughtthis on with, "I like to getto know someone slowly.' Lessonone: Persistence pays. Sheknows you're sincerely interested.lrsson two: Never-married'sover 25 arefocttsd only on onething. Want a clue?It's not havingfun andenjoyingthe benefitsof an older lover. PATIENCE DT,]RINGCOT]RTSHIP I'm not a patientpersonby birth, upbringingor habit. I've learnedby trial and error, mostly error, I must havepatience to dateyoungwomen.It was easyto figure out. I just watched onesweetthing after anotherwalk away,not call, lie aboutwhy shedidn't showup and "forget" dates.The youngersheis, the more patient you must be. Even after ail these years my impatiencecausesme to makefatal mistakes. 4 bushor two in thelnnd is wonh anybird. TIIE AUTTIOR
If you didn't meet at a party where you knew someof the youngpeoplein attendance or weren't introducedby a mutual
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friend, prepare yourself for a two-month or longer siege, dependingon her maturity. That's if you can put yourself in front of her threetimes a week. It takestime for her to getusedto the ideaof havingan older lover. Shehasto resolveherfeelingsof guilt, thenstopdoubting her sanity.After that, shemustacceptthe risks andgeneratethe courageto take a chance.At the sametime she'smakingsure you're notjust goingto useherthentrashher. And finally, when she'sgottenover the pervadingfeelingof "There's something wrong with me for wantingto go out with someoneold enough to be my father," she'll accepta pseudodate. This is not somethingthat happensovernight,next week or nextmonth.Thistakestime,energy,effort,moneyandpatience. THE GODS WIIL TEST YOU. The other-worldof young womenis ruled by godswith a perversesenseof humor and bizarcetiming. They severelytest every older man who dares enter their kingdom, lest he prove unworthy to partakeof the delightsofferedby the young femalesin their domain. Thesegodshavedeviseda particularlycrueltrial for you after you're slim andtrim, dressedwell anddatinga28 yearold. The pricks will wait until you're engrossedin the sportspage on Mondaymorningat thecoffeeshop.Thenthey'll senda pretty, well endowed19 year old to sit down besideyou. Proveyour worthinessby reactingappropriately.Make this yourtouchstone:"Startouteasy,you canalwayscomeon hard." If you startleher, radiatelust or evenmomentarilyembarrass her during the crucial openingmoments,all is lost. Make only a friendly, relaxedmove. Smileandsay, *Hi. " Resistthe urge to take charge.This was the hardestthing for me to master. Don't get me wrong. There aretimes when she'll be most yourdirect,strongapproach.However, excitedandinterestedby you will make few, if any, fatal mistakesby waiting to seeif comingon hard is what'sreally needed.When she'sunder25, coming on hard is right only three times out of a hundred. PATIENCE PREVZiNTSMPO. Rapo,asinrape,isagilme females of all ages play to avoid the possibilify of being emotionallyhurt if they permit themselvesto care for a male. It's describedin Eric Berne's,The&mes PeoplePlay. I've been hadby themall, from 14to 40.Immatureones,of any d9a,play the most.
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Shetalksandflirts with you, givingtheimpressionyoushould makea move,now. You do. Sherecoilsin horror, exclaiming, 'What kind of girl you do think I am?"or the equivalent.Youtll hearthis equivalenta few (thousand)times, "I can't, I havea boyfriend." Shewantsto know she'sattractiveandproveit to the world. By rejecting you in front of others she's saying, "Look everybody,he madea passat me. I mustbe attractive." At the sirmetime shewantsto showthe boysin the audienceshe'snot a bad little girl. She'smarriable,not interestedin men. She thinksher actionstranslateto, "Look boys!I'm a goodgirl. I chasedthat bad old man away." Okay. Here's anotherof thoseworth-the-price-of-the-book tips. Identify a Rapoplayerby how smooth,calm and relaxed she is during her interactionwith you. She's not afraid. She knowsit's only a gitme.Compareher with the tlpical excited, nervous,awkward,an:rious20 year olds you court. If it's too goodto be true, it ain't. A STRINGOF PEARLSMAIGS YOUhATIENT. Always havea stringto work on at leastthreeyoungpearlslong. With only two, whenyou *fold 'em" with the first, you'll only have one, that's the sameas havingnone. The more of themyou're working on at once,the lesslikely you are to comeon too strong.Your attitudewill radiate, "If it doesn'thappenhereI canmoveon." You will be perceived as confident,relaxed,not desperatefor a datewith her. Whenfocusingon only one,for you, the stakesarehigh. She feelsthepressureandwould ratherfold thanstick aroundto see your hand. Young womencome and go out of your life instantly. She is unstable,impulsiveand irresponsible.She is quick to get married, engagedor hook a boyfriend.New boyfriendsdon't get cheatedon for a year. She'sinterestedin immediatechange whensomethingis wrong. Shequitsherjob aftertwo frustrating days. Shechangesapartments,roommatesandphonenumberi fasterthanyou changeyour socks. Just after you managedto talk with her three days in a row down by the pool and then had her over for a drink last night, shedecides,"DebbieandI aremovingto Oregon.We want to get out of the smog,live a naturallife. " hrkel
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
Keep the hopperfull. Have at leastthree, more if you can handle it gracefully. I can't. As one disappears,get another going. Keepingyour optionsopenis goodbusiness,ro matter what businessyou're in. IT'S AI\ ACT. SIM'S NOT A WOMAN The young women you'll be dating lack the ability and confidenceto relateto you like a womancan. They don't have much experiencewith older men and a series of successful encountersto make them believe they can handleyou. Most pretendto be confident and mature, assumingyou won't be interestedif sheactsher age. She'll haveyou believing,*No problem.Shedoesthis all the time. f canmakemy movenow. She'll handleit like a woman." Treatingherlike a womanmeanstrying to takeshortcuts.You assumeshe'snot afraid,basedon her behavior.You don't take your time and maintain the mandatoty, casual indifference neededfor her to think the affair is her idea. Dropping the pretense,you communicatedirectly, trying for too much, too soon. You won't evenrealizeyou scaredher. To saveface, she'll control herself and continueacting like a womanuntil you're gone,then lose control, of her bladder. Besidespissingin her panties,she'lltell theothergirls where she works or where you both work, you cilme on to her. It servestwo purposes.Shewantsto know if you're a notorious playboy and shewantsall the other femalesto be jealous. FT'CK UP'S FROM TIM REAL WORLD Let's start with my classic.I rate it at the top out of, oh, probablya thousand. Shellywas 2t. Shewasphysically,spirituallyand mentally everythingI find megaattractivein any female,young or not. She had a sharp mind. She was brave and strong. She was arrbitiousandeducated.Her absurd,silly sense conscientious, of humor was backedby a grand, toothy smile and sparklitg, devilishblue eyes. Physicallyshewas delightful. I don't know how to get this across,it soundsweird, but shelookedlike she'dburst through her skin. I think shewasso full of energyandlife it just looked like that. It's not important.It turnedme oll.
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In the beginningI did everythingright. I was sitting in the bar at a restaurantI frequented,bullshitting with a few of the girls who worked there.It was Shelly'sfirst night as cocktail waitress.f ignoredher. Her friendDebbywasin visiting,giving moral supportand having a few. I engagedDebby in a conversationaboutHawaii. The two of them were going when they graduatedfrom Cal Statein a few months.Shellyjoined the conversation whensheheardme discussingcheapplacesto stay. They askedtonsof questions. I volunteeredto bring in the informationon statecabins."When do you work?" Pretty slick, eh? I waitedfour days.I satat the bar andcasuallywent over the cabinsandsuggested somehikesaroundthere,thenignoredher, had anotherand left. A week later I sawher car in the parking lot as I was driving by. Whoa! Suddenlyit was Miller time. On my way to the bar she stoppedffie, excitedand happy, bubblingaboutgettingreservationsandthankingme for saving hersomuchmoney.I said,"No problem.You'rea waitresstoo, huh. I'll sit with you next time I'm havingdinner.Later.' How did I know her car, you ask. I'd bentthe conversation that way the first time we talked. Pretty slick, eh? Threedayslater I wasworking on a mild buzz, flirting with Sue,the bartender.I knew Shelly'sschedule,didn't expectto seeher, but shebouncedin, bouncedover and ploppeddown besideme. Shehad on tight bluejeans,tight t-shirt andno bra. Jeeesus,had I underestimated. Great medium-largetits, great curvaceous hips, greatlegs,great,just fuckin' great.The burz, you know. I bought,we talked,Hawaii, backgarnmon, her troublewith advancedaccounting,my inability with math, sorority snobs, ffid, tah dah, our mutualdislike of the bar scene. Theboozewasworkingon usboth.Soonshewastellinggreat "dirty" jokes and laughingat mine. Her signalswere subdued but definitelypositive. My little headstartedyammering,"Shit. She'sready. Just lay this on her, 'Let's seeif you're asgoodat backgammon as you say.We cango to my place.'She'llgo for it. You cansuck thenipplesright off thosetits. Let mefuck herdoggiestyle.You can watchthat big assjiggle."
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My big headregainedcontrol when sheleft 'to powder my nose.' I knewI shouldsaysomethingtactful to testtheprogress and her interest.RememberingpastmistakesI just said, in an oh-by-the-waymanner,I thoughtshewasattractive.Sheblushed slightly, "You're not bad yourself.' I went to the men's room to get a hold of myself, both ways. I knew onemore drink andI'd blow this opportunitybeforeshe blew me. After finding out her scheduleasa waitressI promised to come in and have dinner when she was workitrg, then said I had to go. Pretty slick, eh? On the way homeandfor the next two days,I thoughtabout her constantly,focusingon importantthings,like whatthosetits would look like floppingup anddownwhile I wasrammingher. ShouldI go downon her right away?Wereherpubesdarkblond or brown?I'll bet shelikes beingon top! She ceasedbeing a 2I year old, living at home, finishing college.I decided,"She'sprettymature,just too inexperienced to initiate it. She's only needsa tactful invitation. No needto wait. I'll haveto be relaxedand sureof myself, though.' Thursdaynight finally arrived. I dressedsharplyand threw downa coupleto makesureI was "confident." WhenI got there I was feeling so "confident" I forgot to seewhereShelly was comingfrom. I wasso *confident"I startedoffthe conversation, after amenities,by inviting her to comeover to my placeafter work and beatme at backgammon!Pretty slick, eh? Shetactfully declinedwith a semi-plausibleexcuseof finals coming up and having to study. I was so "confident" I didn't realizeI hadjust blown it. After daysof fairtasizingshewas a woman,I persistedas if sheactuallywere a woman. "'We can keepit short. I'll just beatyou threestraight.You'll be home by midnight." Shesaid,"No, really.I gottastudy,"andleft with my order. I knew sheliked me. "Damn! Shewas so happyto seeme when I came in. What the hell's wrong? Maybe I'm not 'confident' enough.' So, I had anotherconfidencebuilder. I wasso "confident"I couldn'tseethe right call wasto drop backand quick kick. It wasearly in the first quarter.But to my "confident" way of thinking I was on this woman's,not young woman's,oneyard line. "So what if it's only the first quarter.
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You gottascorewhenyou're this close.Powerit in. Fullback over left tackle,ott two." You know what happened,right? I droppedthe snap, then bootedthe ball. Shelly picked it up and walked, not ran, the lengthof the field for a touchdown. Wannahearthe fumble?"Look Shelly,we don't haveto play theseuselesssingles'bar games.f'm attractedto you, you're attractedto me. Comeon ovet." Sheturnedpale and walked away. Anothergirl broughtmy check. A monthpassed.I wassittingin a coffeeshop.Shellywalked in, saw ffie, cameover to my boothand sat down. Shesmiled that big toothy grin, "What you beenup to?" I controlledmy excitementandmanagedwith greatwill powerto be casual.We talked for awhile. The vibes were kinda good, so I figured, "What the hell, can't blow it any worse from here," and lunch. Shehesitated,then declinedwith no excuse. suggested I figured, "What the hell, I'm not going to make it with her. Let's find out whatthe scorereally is." SoI said, "Why not?" Shelly lookedme right in the eyesand said, "You're too smoothfor me." I askedwhatthatmeant.Her reply, in effect, was she liked ffie, thoughtI was attractivebut, "You're just trying to fuck me and I don't appreciateit onebit. " I figured, "What the hell, it's truth telling time." I said indeed,I wantedto "go to bed" with her but that wasn't all I wanted.I told her truthfully how wonderfulI thoughtshewas, how I'd love goingplacesandhavingfun together. Shelistenedthoughtfully.I waited.Thegistof herreply:That fatefulnight, shehadproudlytold anotherwaitressI wascoming in to havedinnerat her station.That deargirl saidI wasa slut, alwaystrying to pick up the waitresses. I remainedcalm with greateffort. I told her it wasnot true. SureI was friendly andflirted but I'd neveraskedany of them out. (I hadn't.) I wantedto know who had said thesethings, suggesting namesof thoseI considered thecattiest.Shewouldn't tell me. It madeno difference,irreparabledamagehadbeendone " We parteddiplomatically. by my "confidence. SomehowI had madea deadlyenemyat that place without ever knowing it. Or, the girl who calledme a slut was one of those cunts (I can nanrecall, too.) who can't standit when anotherfemaleis successful.
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I quit goingto that bar-restaurant.SincethenI've beenextra carefulnot to flirt seriouslywith any waitresses,bartendersor cocktaitgirls at my other hangouts.Who knowswhenanother, asdynamiteasShelly,will startworkingthere.I'll wait. When she does, I won't forget she'snot a woman, tro matter what fantasiesI haveabouther. MORE FLICK IIP'S. IrEY, TrrAT'S HOW YOU LEARN I met Sandywheresheworked.After a few visits andseveral friendly conversations, the weather,UCLA versusUSC, ffiY recent trip to Hawaii and others, she invited me to lunch. "Here'soneof thoserarebut wonderful,adult19yearolds.We won't haveto dancelong," I thought! A few days later on the way to the restaurantI askedif she had trouble getting served.When she said yes, I "cleverly" suggested we stopby my houseandhavea Margaritaor Tequila Sunrise.Sheagreed.At thatpoint I *knew" I wasdealingwith a 19 year old, capitalW, woman. Soundfamiliar?Don't feel bad whenyou're a slow learner. This was six monthsafter Shelly! We talked aboutcollege,her job and other safesubjects.t had anotherdrink and "cleverly" maneuveredthe conversation to relationships.Remembernow, I'd talked with this young womanfor a total of aboutone hour before getting her to my place. Sheseemedcomfortablewith the topic. Shesaidher 22 year old boyfriendwasher dreamlover andconsideredhim *the man I'm goingto marry whenI graduate." I talkedaboutmy ex and she had another drink. I had another drink and "cleverly" managedto bring up sex. Again, she seemedcomfortableand recentlossof virginity, diplomatically talkedabouthersomewhat he hadbeenfor six emphasizinghowpatient and understanding to the restaurant. and went months.We had anotherdrink "Patientandunderstanding?" Threetequilasmadeit easyfor me to ignorethat. We talkedanddranksomemore.Thevibesweregreat.I was so excitedandarousedby Sandy'smaturity. After four tequilas andsexy.I said,"You knowwhatI want?" I felt rich, handsome She looked at me sensually,leanedforward, revealingD-cup said, "No. cleavageandin her bestCosmoGirl impersonation
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Whatdo you want?"Her toneof voiceadded,"You big, strong, powerful man." Now I felt bulletproof! In my bestCaryGrantimpersonatior, "I'd like to havea torrid affair with you." Sheresponded,"I'd like you to takeme home," as any L9 yearold would. Whenyou screwup like this takeheart.At leastoncea year I still hearmyselfsaying,"You've doneit again,asshole! " right after she gets angry or scared and walks out of my life. Sometimes it's on thefourthor fifth date.I've decided"the time hascome," ignoringmy mandateto wait until shethinksit's her idea.I forgetabouthavingpatienceandstartbehavinglike she's an adult woman.Always and foreverWRONG! Patienceis not a virtue, it's mandatory. WHAT ELSE CAT{ GO WRONG? Once you've masteredthe basics you're not usually the problem.It takestime for her to get usedto the ideaof being interestedin an older man. A week to her is like two months to us. Althoughsheseesyou as an interestingpossibilityin her life, her attentionspanis limited. Fateintervenesno matterhow patientyou are.Old boyfriends comehomefrom collegeor the service,her neuroticparentsget separatedor shemeetsMr. Rite, wherehe works at the pizza parlor. RememberMr. Rite and his two outstandingqualities, marriableand marriable?If shedoesn'thavea boyfriendshe wants one. She'll forget aboutyou and "go for it" when a candidateappears,any candidate. Things only go wrong at the right time, destroyingmonths of preparation.It's just like the restof your life, nothingexcept what you do is controllable.Everythingelseis up to the gods. AFTER GBTTING GOOD AT IT, GODS TAKE O\IER You'll havedoneeverythingcorrectly.You'll havemet her and after severalweeksof "getting to know you" talk, she's happyand excitedto seeyou whenyou comein. You' ll havementionedsomethingaboutfi shingandshe'll have said, "Gee, I alwayswantedto go fishing but Jimmy'd never take me." You'll not havejumped on that but two days later you'll have casuallymentionedyou're going pier fishing on Wednesday(knowing it's her day offl with Mary, a friend of
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yoursandanacquaintance of hers(abuilt-inTeddy).She'llhave smiledandcoyly askedyou to takeher along.On Mondaynight she'll tell you excitedlysheandJimmyaregoingto Europefor the summer,leavingWednesday.Typical. Who knowswhat'll happenwhile they're over thereor even more important,when she gets back. If you pout about the fishing expeditionor indicateanythingbut happinessfor her, you'll haveno chance.You've spentsomuchenergydeveloping this, work on savingit. A long shot is betterthan no shot. Handleit like a man. Give her your interestingcard. Write your homeaddresson theback.Ask herto sendyou a postcard. Then mentionsomeof the placesyou think she and Jimmy'll like without trying to one up him. AT{OTIIER WIIAT-WENT-WRONG? Shewas2I, a solidB plus. You mether on Tuesday,shook her hand,smiledandtalkedfor a bit, thenparted.On Thursday you andsmiled.You talkedsomemoreandtold sheremembered her you'd seeher on Monday.Shesaid, "Okay, havea nice weekend." Mondly, shewasn'tthere.You knewbetterthanto ask. Today, Tuesday,you didn't notice she wasn't paying attentionto you. You were excited,startedtalking. Shebarely replied. You left feelinglike a jerk. What happened? Reviewher last few daysto get a rough ideawhat her world is like and how that world, &swell as fate intervenein the best laid plans of mice and middle agedmen. She has pressures, peoplepulling andpushingon her all the time: (1) Yesterdaysheskippedwork to takeher bestfriend to the abortionclinic so the girl's parentswouldn't find out. Her boss saidthis morninghe'd fire her if shemissedanotherday. (2) An hour after she went to bed last night her old high schoolboyfriendcalledagain,crying andbeggingfor a chance to makeit work, threateningto kill himself.He's a cokefiend. (3) Thismorning,Tuesd.y,shewas20 minuteslatefor work. Her car wouldn't start. Shecalledher boyfriend.He wanteda blow job ashe droveher to work and got "totally mad" when shewouldn't do it. (4) Last night her girl friend was trying to convinceher to lie to Jimmy so they could go to Palm Springsthis weekend. She'sconsideringit after the way he was this morning.
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(5) Her never-marriedolder sisteralwayswantsher to baby sit. Whenshesaystro, asshedid tenminutesbeforeyou walked in, her sistermakesher feel guilty. Yeah,it's an exaggeration. But all of theseand**y, many more have happenedto young womenI've been courting or dating. [f only one of thesethings happens,you're not real importantto her, today. Take heart. Don't quit. Go back on Thursdayor Fridayandgive it anothershot.Patience,perseveranceand tenacityare virnresnecessaryto prevail. Understanding heruniversewon't makeit mucheasierto date her. But whenthingsfall apart,knowingwhatshemaybe going through will give you the courageto try with her again. SOMETIMES GODS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT When she tells you not to do something,don't do it. The telling is not done directly. You have to pay attentior, then remember. Early on after meetingJanice,she told me she was bored shitlesswith her live-in boyfriend of three years. "But," she confessed,*I don't have the balls to really cheaton him." I sympathizedand kept my mouth shut. A few monthswent by and we becamegood friends. She excitedlytold me she had gottenup the courageandwasgoing to go out with a guy from her work. A week later I askedabouther "date." She said, "First time was great,wore his cock off. " Then told me that two dayslaterhe broughtflowersandsaidhe'd foundthe love of his life. Angrily, she said, *I told him I was living with someone.I just wantedto messaround.The dick." Now thisyoungwomanwas"hot stuff" by my standards. She was20, had agteatsenseof humor,wasgoodlooking,rowdy, rebelliousand loved to party. I lusted for her but was being patient,waitingfor Janiceto realizel wasjust whatsheneeded. A month later she said, under the influenceof champagne, "I'm ready to fuck my brains out, going ctuf,y. How 'bout Wednesdaynight?" Patienceis rarely honoredthat directly, okay. Wednesdaynight finally arrived. I handedher a rose when shewalkedin. Shedidn't sayanythingexcept,"Thanl$," then askedfor a drink. I took my time andwaited.After an hour she said, "Sorry. I just want to be friends,okay?"
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In the threelong daysI hadto anticipatethe wild delightsof this lusciousyoung womanmy brain must havequit working. Shehad told me how not to behavetwo monthsago. Handing her a rosewas like slappingher in the faceand saying,"'What are you doing here with an old man?You shouldbe home, loyally waiting for your faithful, boring boyfriend.' If you missedin reading,whatI missedin the realworld, readit again then keepyour earsopenwhen you get out there. COI]RTING TACTICS The most dangerousenemyyou faceis from within - your manner, lack of confidence,your too confident,too aggressive Thesearetoughto overcome,evenwith your lackof aggression. practice, so the best generalstrategyis to be unpredictable, swingingbetweenbeing nice and being coldly indifferent. It keepsher off balanceand enablesyou to maintainan effective perspective on therelationship.Withouttheright viewpoint,you are liable to be wrappedaroundher 22 year old finger in a coupleof days. Whenyou're obviousor up front aboutwantingto go out with her there's no longer a challengeor the excitementof not knowing if you'll make a move or not. Besidesthat, she's scared.So,whenshe'scertainaboutyour interest,sheconvinces herselfthe outcomeis so obviousshedoesn'thaveto take any chancesand evenmakea pseudodatewith you. This entire enterpriseis complex but it's not that much different from the prancinganddancingwe haveto go perform with someadult woman.Young oneslike to mind fuck, too. Pay attentionto the signalsshe'ssendingyou. From all the body languagebooksyou'll know what's going on most of the time. But, if it feels like she's :oming on to You, evenwhen there's nothingconcreteyou can point to as evidence,she is. That's what courtshipis all about. Someyoungwomenareblatantin their comeon's. Thereis of her if she's no mistakingwhat'shappening.But be suspicious inviting she's really like it seems relaxedandsmooth.Evenwhen you to make your move, it may be nothing more than bait to getyou inpositionto rebuffyour advanceandwinthe little gitme of Raposhe'splaying.
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DIFFERENT WORI(S.Shehasanunlimitedchoiceof males, relativelyspeaking.Sohereyou arestandingin a very long line, trying to have an affair with her. If you competewith young malesusingtheir weapons,you'll neverget to the front of the queue. You can't be like the young competition except in one importantwa/, you mustbeyoungatheart.During thecourtship you must show her you are exactly that, young at heart. You run four miles a day and edoy physical, outdoorsports. You like to play girmes,havefun, laugh,be silly andparty. Shedoes not want to havean affair with a serious,tired, jaded malt. New is excitingbut you wanther to seeyou're not only new, you're radicallydifferent.Theonly chanceyou haveis by being different.Differentlooking.Differentacting.Differenttalking. Different in what you want from her. When talking and interactingwith her don't make sexual comments,hedoes.Don't talk abouthow greatyou are,hedoes. Let mannersand etiquetteshow, he doesn't or doesn't know how. Don't try to impressher, he does.At the sametime, let her seeyou haveattributesand knowledgeshe'll benefit from in the near future. When it fits, alwaysmention someof the thingsyou like to do a youngman doesn'tdo - attendplays, go to SantaAnita andwatchthe thoroughbredsrun, or drive to Beverly Hills for Sundaybrunchat the BeverlyHilton. Don't, that'sDon't with a capitalD, s&yor do any of these you're tryitrg, thingsto impressher. If sheevenslightlysuspects it ruins everything.Shethinls she'sgot you. You're from a different world. Shewantsto find out what your world's like. But, everythingmust be done carefully. Differentis excitingbut alsodangerous.You don't want her to think she's not mature enoughor smart enoughor whatever enough,to explorea differentworld. Presentyour world so she knows nothing adults do will embarrassher. It will be fun, exciting and different. Different works. TIIE COI'RTSIIIP PROCESSIN ACTION I went to the supermarketandreplenishedmy liquor supply. I looked over the cashiersand got in the line with the best looking one. Her nametag said, "Liz." She smiled and gave the standardAlpha Beta greeting. I volunteeredit was a week's supply, got no responseexcepta
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polite smile,so I shutup andwatchedher ringingup the booze. *Now here's When she got to the Cuervo Gold she said, somethingworthwhile!" with a happy grin. Without thinking I told her I loved it in sunrisesbut didn't shootit like "real men." Shelaughedandsaidshedid. After somesmalltalk about tequilaI told her I'd be backto seeher next week when I ran *Okay." out. Shelaughedagainand said, I went to the store the next few nights but she was never there. Then one eveningI had a date with Lisa. She wanted Kamikazesand nothingbut Kamikazes.I gallantly went to the store,alone,for lime juice. Liz was working! I grabbedthe limes and a fifth of Gold. I pushedtheCuervoforwardwithoutsayinganything.Shelooked up andsmiled,"Finishedthe big onealready?"I said, "Nope. I bought this one to drink with some wild and crary young checkerI met." Shelookedat the clock, lookedat the tequila, soon." I smiledandsaid, thenatme, "Nottonight.But sometime "You've got a date," andleft to down Lisa anda few Kamikazes. Lizwas nevertherewhenI wentbacknight afternight. After a weekI asked.Shehadbeentransferredto a storea few miles away. I changedsupennarkets. Shenoticedme in her line and lookedaroundneryously.I got the hint. When it was my turn I was all business.Shewas frightenedbut glad to seeme. I askedher when she worked. Shehurriedlysaid,"All differenthours,theholidays." Shekept watchingthe checkerson both sideswhile ringing up my stuff. I kept quiet, saidgoodbye pleasantlyand left. I wentbackmanytimesduringthenextweek,shewasnever there. I lost my patienceand askedthe managerwhen Liz look andsaidhe couldn'tgive worked.He gaveme a suspicious out informationlike that. Oops!Too pushy.Time to be patient. Two weekslater I wassittingin the loungeof a local dinner houseafterwatchinga blackedout Lakersgameon satellite. Llz walkedin, still wearingheruniform. I waited.Sheneverlooked around,just kept her eyesgluedto the tv. When a commercialcameor, I walkedover and said, "Hi, Liz." Shedidn't smile, didn't say anythingand lookedscared to death.I rcalizedshedidn't recognizeme so I askedif I could
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buy her a Gold shooter.Shegrinneda big smileof recognitiotr, *sure!' slid over andpattedthe seatbesideher. After amenitiesI told her a short versionof what happened when I went looking for her. I explainedI didn't want to ask nnny questionsat her new store becauseI didn't *know her situation.'nShethankedme for that and said she had beenon vacation. After anotherdrink sheshyly volunteeredsheneverwent to barsandcertainlywould neverlet a manbuy her a drink. I was smartenoughto just wait. Within a minuteshe"confessed'she wils angry with her boyfriendanddidn't want to go homeuntil he left for work on the midnight shift. After some safe small talk and another shootershe said, "Sorry I was nervouswhenyou camein.' BeforeI could say anythingsheadded,"Ed's sisterwasworkingtheregisterbehind you." I didn't haveto ask who Ed was. My cock stiffened.I mumbled,"LIh huh.' We madesomeawlanrard smalltalk, thenI asked,*Whencan you come over and work on that fifth of Gold with me?' We madethe arrangements for two nightslater. Shesaidshe'dhave to leaveat 2 eu becausehe sometimesc,alledon his first break. (RememberMary Ann's andJimmy's checkupcdls?) Twenty minutesafter shecamethroughthe door we were in bed. We had a passionate,two monthaffair. It endedwhen she startedfeeling too guilty. Let's review this courtshipeffort from the beginningandsee why it worked. I was ready, ils always, for the first meeting, clean and dressedneatly.I put myselfdirectlyin front of her. I didn't keep trying after gettingno responseto my attemptat conversation. I waited, aloof and indifferent. When shedid say somethingI replied with informationaboutme. I could haveruined it right off whenI resortedto humorbut that's the real, spontaneous me. I was able to reply as I did having written off my chanceswhen I got nothing but a businesslikeresponseafter I hadgivenher the perfectopening. In other words, I really was aloof. We both were able to indicate interest without risking rejectiotr,as shownby the way I closedthe first conversation with a pseudooffer for a dateand got a pseudoyes.
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I was tenacious,going back until I found her. Then, wits wedrinktogether, suggesting confident,relaxedandaggressive, and got at least a "sometime soon.' Was confident and again,saying,"You've got a date." aggressive Knowing I was going hometo face certain orgasmicdeath at Lisa'sdelightfulhandmadeit easyto beconfidentandrelaxed whenmakingthe proposition. The dealI offeredLizwas safe,no onehadto losefacesince eitheror both of us couldpretendit wasn't a "real" passif she wasn'tinterested but sheknewI wasstronglyattracted.It wasn't "Let' s havelunch sometime." Her reply, "sometimesoon," was safefor both of us, too. It could mean *maybc,' or it could mean, "Not tonight, but " The soon,we'll drink a bottleof Cuervoandseewhathappens. just whole exchangewas instinctive.I did it and so did she. Nobody can plan atreadhow or what to say and pull it off. Sometimeswhen I hear "maybe" or a versionof it I react negativelywith fatalresultsevenif shemeant"possibly"instead of "Stuff it, jerk," which is usuallywhat "maybe"means. My negativereactiontakesthe form of attemptedfacesaving words, followed by defeatedbody languageand facial expression. After that she writes me off as a wimp even if she was only: (1) stallingfor time becauseI rattledher (2) seeingif I wits sincerelyinterestedby waiting for me to try harderor (3) testing the steel content of my balls. Confident men are indifferent or positive when respondingto "maybe." I was confident.It was easythat time, Lisa was waiting. From the beginningI was careful to be discreet.When she wasnervousat thenew store,I did nothingandsaidnothingthat would causeher fellow checkersto notice me. And, after creatingsuspicionin her numager'smind, I stoppedgoing to the store.WhenI told her aboutthatin thebar I chosemy words carefullyto imply I wantedher, boyfriendor not, *I didn't know her situation." And, wg couldhavepretendedI meanther work sinration if either of us neededto save face.
Having her walk into my life wasnot all luck. Shechosethe dinner housebecauseyoung peopledon't look for eachother there.Shedidn't wantto be seenby anyof her contemporaries. I was therebecauseI only operatea few miles from homeand never, neverhangoutwhereyoungpeopleon the make go.
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Notice the phrasingof, *When canyou comeover andwork on that fifth of Gold with me?" Confident men assumeit's "when" not "will you?" The time andthe vibeswere right for an aggressive,confidentmove. Liz w:rs ready for an affair but was so attractiveshe could pick and choose.She wanted someonesafe. *Safe" meant someoneknowledgeableenough not to get her discovered, someonewho understoodher situationand acceptedit, as well ils someoneshe could keep emotionaldistancefrom and who would not behavelike a jealousboy. After Boyfnendsyou know most haveone. Assumethe one you're courtingdoesand let her know it's cool. Endangering that you, not she,will be the person her relationshipguarantees washingyour cock real fast in the shower. Liz, and all others who don't hangout in bars, desired someonewho didn't just want to pop her twice and drop her, making her feel like a piece of meat. I had shown genuine, sustainedinterest.I met her requirementsfor a safe affair by demonstratingdiscretionon severaloccasions.And, I behaved like a confident,relaxedmanwho was attractiveenough.I was slim and trim, and dressedwell. Preparationmet opporhrnity. S OF COT]RTSIilP THE ELEVEN CO Dost thou covetthy neighbor'syoungass?Verily I sayunto of thee,to gainethsuch,thouhastbut obeythe coffis courtship: I. II. III. IV. V. VI. VII. VIII. IX. X. XI.
Thou shalthavea slim trim body Thou shaltbe well groomed Thou shaltbe dressedright Thou shaltsmell good. Thou shaltbe relaxedand confident Thou shalt shakehandsand smile Thou shalttalk at her level Thou shalt radiateno lust Thou shalt laughappropriately. Thou shalt remainadult Thou shaltgenuinelycompliment,once.
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Onethroughfour aremandatory.No discussion.Five is the hardest.Don't despair.A moderatelywell actedimitationwill work until successpermits you to be genuinelyrelaxedand confident.With only a bit of practicesix is easy.The seventh only forbids attemptingto impress. BreakingWII is fatal 85 percentof the time. WII(a) is: Thou shaltstealno glancesat thoseperky tits. If you're into macho,nine will be hard to obey. Drop the Clint Eastwoodact. Laughingat yourself is evenbetter. Ten simply forbids acting young and hip. Eleven is hard for introverts.Simply focuson her, what shehason or looks like. Zerc in on onething you sincerelyadmireandtell her. Not that greattush, either.Noticeit says"once." fn MeetHer and Talk With Her, there'smuchmore aboutwhy. Masteringonethroughfive will haveyou datingher lessthan year a afterfinishingthis "bible." After you'reableto obeythem all, Hefner will come to you for lessons.Seriously,these commandments areno differentfrom the original ten. You can't observeevery olle. Relax.Onlyonethroughfourareabsolute.Justgetmoderately adeptwith three or four of the others. Verily, brother,woebe untothee,if thou doestnot obeythe first commandment.Thy presentworld and thy hereaftershalt be inhabitedwith only fat, ball crushingdivorceesof two score years. So far you understandher, you know what you must do to get readyfor her and now you havethe basicsneededto court her. Here's whereandhow you Fird Her.
Whenhunting ducks, one mustgo where the ducksAre. FIELD MARSHALL ROMMEL
tind Her While you get fatter watchingthe tv newsmantell you about anotherkid dyingof leukemiavisitingDisneyland,anotherwreck onthefreeway,anotherarsonfire inthe garmentdistrict, another benefitfor AIDS "victims," anotherdayof your life goesdown the drain. There are thousandsof young womenout there right now, within five miles of your place. Severalof them would be delightedto havean affair with you. No matterwhatWebersaysinHow ToPick Up Girls, finding her andmeetingher aredifferentbut intertwinedsteps.The only practicalplaceto find heris whereyou will havea semi-plausible reasonto say somethingto her and thenhavea safesubjectto talk about. You couldgojogging at the high schoolwhenthe seniorgirls gym classis on the track. I usedto whenmarried.fesus,it was marvelousbeing passedby fifty giggling 18 year olds. They smelledsogood.It wasdelightfulwatchingtheirtittiesbouncing. But it's absolutelyof no use.Mommy told her, "Don't talk to strangers!"I told you, *The only practicalplaceto find her is whereyou will havea semi-plausible. . ." Rememberit. WIIERE TO LOOK Any placeshe is not trying to meet a young mar. Find her working in restaurants, bar-restaurants, offices,shops,stores.
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Look for her in classrooms,campusorganizations,female-type classes,resorts, vacation spots, tenniS cOurts, health SPS, parties,weddings,issueclubs,political clubsandparticipating in community charity eventslike End Hunger Walkathons. In 1988therewill be 8.7 million femalesbetween18 and21 in the country. Six million will be enrolledin collegesor other educationalinstitutions.Whatareyou doingsittingherereading a book. Getyour assinto a universityor communitycollegeclass room. Whoa! Comebackhere.Takea showerandput on somenice clothesand expensivecologne.Run that ra:zorover your face. Don't let her first impression Be confidentof your appearance. agedman. The ten minutes middle you a be that of scruffy, of this takesis worth every secondbecausethere's no suchthing as luck, only preparationmeeting. . . . Pick a classwith irfieraction,not onewhereyou get lectured to. I met at least40 potentialyoungloversmy first semesteron ajunior collegecampus.I datedthree.Onebecamethe life-long friend mentionedbefore. WIIERB NOT TO LOOK Any placeshe'strying to meeta youngmall. Anywherethe crowd is mostly under 25. In a classlike Investmgin Kntgerrands. In your living room watchingMonday Night Football. Any seminaron How to Meet People. Any pop psychology workshopsor any gatheringfor singles.Never look in any bar or club, especiallya slngles'bar. WHY NOTBARS?Mostdivorcedmenard women,ffid many who never married, end up behavinglike the young malesof our culture. Well , ?t leastthe peoplewho are in bars looking to meet someonefor the night or the rest of their life. You were a young male. Rememberwhen you were 22? You'd say anythitrg,do anythingto get laid. That's how the single world is. It's populated by desperate,defensive, manipulative,gameplaying liars of both sexes. Everyone'sblowingsmokeup everybodyelse'sass.Nobody *Do tutto wantsto gethurt, again.Experienceteachesthemall, others,beforethey do unto you.' Singles'bars are the worst possibleplacesto look for her. Whenshe'son theprowl she'sfocusedon finding someonethree
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to sevenyears older. She won't even notice you. If you are stupidenoughto approachher, you will get shotdown rudely. She'strying to impress"him, " so shepubliclyembarrasses you. If sheisn't trying to meetsomeotr€, her reasonsfor goingto a bar are to: testher powersof attraction,practicetalking with malesin her agerange,satisfyher curiosityaboutbars, enjoy being lookedat, prove to her girl friendsshecanattractmales, play Rapo for her own enjoyment as well as her friends' getawayfromherboyfriend,pretendshe'sgrown entertainment, up or just dance. Besideshavingmotivesthat don't matchyours, her arxiety levelis off the scale.Someof it is createdby thegeneraltension in the air at thesemeet-to-meatmarketsbut most of it comes from her own fears of being rejectedor humiliatedor, the ultimatefailure, tro guy evenmakesa pass.Her defensesare strongerthan a case-hardened chastitybelt. She'snot experienced enoughto realizemostmenbelievea girl is in a bar to meetmen.She'sgenuinelyoffendedwhenyou "hit on" her. Her indignant reply is never pleasant,often humiliating. If this isn't enoughto makeyou look elsewhere,let me tell you what happensevenwhen you are doing well with one of them.Whenit comestime to closethe sale(phonenumber,go elsewhere) sherealizeswhat'sreallyhappening.*My God, I've beenpickedup by an older man, in a bar!" The shockcauses her to mumblesomethingabouttakingher girl friendhome,then shebolts for the door. Or, shegivesyou her numberandthen bolts for the door. When calling her a few days later my experiencesinclude hearing,"Gee. I'm really sorry. I didn't meanto give you the wrongimpressionbut, I hada fight with my boyfriendthatnight, we're backtogether." Or, "I wasdrunk anddidn't realizewhat I wassaying." Or, "You wereso persistentI didn't know what else to do." The most humiliating was calling what I thought wits her nurnberand gettingDial-A-Prayer! Even Weberhimself, wouldn't try, "That dimple on your . . .' in oneof theseplaces.He's gota "surefire"line for singles' bars though. I savedit for the next chapter,Meet Her.
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God does work in wondrous and mysterious ways, his miraclesto perform. You may find her amongall the plastic losers.I, however,am of little faith. After wastinga yearof my afterdivorce life t only learnedthe oneI want is not in anybar. Saveyour moneyandyour ego, skip this part of my education. GET READY TO FII{D IIER Get out of that nice saferut. Get away from thosenice safe "friends." Get up off your assand do something.Don't wait for it to happen.Make it happen.Think. For example,riding stablesare full of youngmares.I hatehorses,otherwiseI'd try it. If you're neutralor like horsesget going, she'sthere. Visit the library. Talk to the ResearchLibrarian andhaveher help you list all local clubsandorganizations.Pick the onesyou think people under 30 would join, Young Nazis for Social Changeor the equivalent.Join ten. Go to a meeting.Drop the onesyou werewrong about.Try thesefor sure:Societyfor the Preventionof Cruelty to Animals, GreenPeace,Sierra Club, Young Republicans,Young Democrats. Join the sH, hiking or any other club at work. Becomea member or managerof the company'ssoftball, bowling or whateverteam. There are plenty of young waitresseswithin 15 minutesof your homeor office. Don't go to eat when the crowd's there. Get thereearlier or later if you want her to becomeinterested. Limit your huntinggroundsto an areayou cancoverquickly andoften. Stickcloseto homeandwork. You haveto be in front of her as often :N possible,like every day, to meether. More importffit, most undet 22 are reluctantto drive more than 20 minutesto your place,distanceis intimidatingto them. Onceyou've establisheda small circle of youngfriends and throw apartyfor anyreason.Invitethemall.Telt acquaintances, Pay for everything. friends. bring to them daily who's hospitalized.You'll Breaka leg or visit someone find ten CandyStripersand young nurses. Takenight or dayclassesat thelocaljunior collegeinteresting to femalesbetween18 and 30. She'sin Sewingfor Beginners, Acting I, Word Processing,ParalegalTrainingandsuch.Read the listing of classesand figure it out. Take classesat the local YMCA or evenbetter, &t the WVCA.
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Get your hair and nails doneevery week by a studentat the local beautycollege.Not by one of the fags, of course. Go to the beacheveryday. Becomea "local." After the sun goesdown, hangout in the restaurant/barwherethe under 35 crowd goes.Beachtown barsare different.They're like, you know, dude,really kickedback, casualto the max. Rent a houseat the beachright on the sandfor two weeks or longer.Sit on the front stepsandgetto know the localyoung men. Drink beerwith them.Sooneror later youngwomenwill appear. Summerresortsare the placeto be if you don't live neara beach.Get a cabinsituatedso you cansit on the stepsand get to know the youngmen who spendtheir sunrmersthere. Drink beerwith themandjust like at abeachhouse,theyoungwomen will soonappear. At a resorttown like Palm Springs,get thereearly Friday. Situateyourselfso late arriving womenhaveto walk pastyou asthey checkin. On Saturdayafternoonusethesametechniques describedin MeetHer for weddings.For thosemethodsto work you must have broken the ice oncebefore with a low level, non-threatening, subtle,friendlyfirst move.Saying"Hi, " to her on Friday when shewalks pastyou is just that. Get invited to every wedditrg, any wedditrg, anywhere, anytime. No matter how old the bride or groom is, young womenwill beeverywhere. If youhavesteelballs,crash,rather, wanderinto, any receptionafter it's beengoing for an hour. FINDING IIER AT A WEDDING Sincethere is a wide rangeof agesamongthe guests,you blend in. This makessendingand receivingsignalsof interest possiblewithoutcausingher problems. Catty competitiveness is rampant.Femalesof all agesare enviousof the QueenFor A Day. If you're slim andtrim, and dressedwell (you'd betterbe) someof the girls, &tleasthalf the youngwomen,morethanhalf the womenandsomeof the older womenwill havean eye on you. Keep a low profile until the signs of interesthave been exchanged. Narrowthefield to oneor two andmakeyour move. No matterwhat you do you will be talkedabout,prejudged andwatchedclosely.This is thepriceyou pay for not "knowing
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your place," which is going hometo weedthe yard. But ro, you're goingto smokeweed,with a21 yearold bridesmaid,in the limo's backseat. FII\DING IM,R AT YOIJR WORK Your office building is a prime huntinggroundbut most of us have seen the consequences and high cost of personal involvementsat work. You maypreferto not risk your position andfunrre evenfor that 20 yearold centerfoldworking over in Accounting. If you havesteelballs andbrain power, you can ignorethe unwrittenrule of not dippingyour penin the companyink well. I do, ffid did, andwill, ils you will see.Discretionis mandatory on her part aswell asyours. You cancounton yoursbut you'll neverknow abouther until theheatis on. Proceedaccordingly. Focuson the youngwomenwho areemployedby someother corporationif you work in a large multi-tenantbuilding. Use theyoungfriendsyou've madeat your companyto find andmeet the young womenworking for one of the other companies. To find and meet a young womanon your own who works on a different floor or for anothercompany,you'll have to "bump" into her severaltimes or be lucky enoughto be in the right place at the right time, and by now, you know what Lombardi and I think aboutgetting lucky. Get up off your assand go down to the snackshop several times eachday. Sit there. Sip your coffeeand readthe paper with an eye on the door. Most of them are creaturesof habit. Go ten minuteslater everyday until you spother, thenbe there eachday until you can figure out how to meether. Be pleasantand say "Hi, " whenyou "bump" into her from day to day. Graduallyshewill startto feel like sheknowsyou, after that you'll be able to strike up a conversationwhen "preparationmeetsopporhrnity.' Keep everythingcasualexceptfor a few brief, moderately intenseglances.Until you're sure she's interested,show no obviousinterestin herotherthanjustfriendship.fn otherwords, don't stareat her anddon't look at her asswith lust in your eyes as she'sleaving.Her friendswill be watchingyou. After you've exchanged"Hi's" for a few days, time your return to the elevator to coincide with hers, without being
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obvious.It's easierto talk to her beforethe elevatorarrives. Onceinside,she'sevenmorefrightenedbecause there'sno place to run away from a potentialdirty old man. If you do it right a few times you can drink your morning coffee with her as a first pseudodate. FIIYDING IMR AT YOI]R NEW COMPAIVY Rememberwhat I told you way backtherein GetReadyFor Her aboutchangingcompanies? Here'swhy. I wasworking for a companywith 3000employees, now I'm workingwherethere are only 400. OnereasonI changedwasthe high percentageof young womenat the new place. Therewere manymore at the old job but few were in my building on the 100acrecomplex. Now, they are all in the sirmebuilditrg, not more than 300 feetfrom my deskandI haveto "bump" into themall day, every day. I am only smiling andsaying*Hi" as I passeachof them in the hall or any otherplace,andat the sametime, I am taking inventoryandnoticingwhich onesarefriendly andextroverted. This is just the secondweekandI've identifiedthreepotential candidates, As yet I don't knowwhichonesaretruly availablebut I know two areinterested,basedon body languageand eye contact.I ilm taking my time. I want to pick a winner, not a cock tease. Everyoneknowseveryone.WhenI makemy move,therestwill find out then lose interestor causeproblerns. This weekI amjoining the slow pitch softballteamandsoon will be drinking beerwith the youngermalesafter the games. After a coupleof weeksI'll be invitedto a party whereI'll be ableto meetandtalk with all thefemaleseasily.However,since someyoungwomenfrom the companywill be there,I'll only engagein mild flirting, otherwise,"He's a slut," will get back to the office and my chancesof picking one from the many disappears forever. Besidesmeetingyoungwomenat theparty, I will meetyoung men who don't work for the company.I will hit it off with one or moreof themandwill eventuallybe includedin their circles, whereI will meetmoreyoungwomen,with theaddedadvantage of no girls from work to causeproblems. As you can tell, finding a young womanthrough work and friends is my favorite and primary method.It's relaxedand
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naturalto find, meetandthen talk with her at a friend's house or evenjust sitting out by the pool. She's not defensiveor playing gitmeslike sheis when looking for Mr. Rite in a bar. When you've finally gottenyourself into this ideal situation and you're ready in every other way, someof the young ones will be wonderingwhat it's like to sit on your face.They don't want you to know, so keepit casual.Patienceis mandatory! NO NO'S WHILE LOOKING Don't look lustfully at the girls working in the coffeeshop where you're becominga regular. Don't do it at your new companyeither. They are all watchingand checkingyou out, too. Looking at morethanonewith drool on your chin makesyou a very dirty old man. Looking at only one like this causesthe othersto teaseher, so sheignoresyou evenif thingshadbegun. You must be above suspicion.Talking to one about liking anothercausesthe sirmething to happen. PICKING AT{D CHOOSING Rememberthe adviceI gaveyou a hundredpagesago: (1) Forgethigh schoolers,discodolliesandborn again's,as well asbig tittedgirls andbeautyqueens,the competitionis stiff. (2) Go wherethe competitionis limp, stick with 6.5's to 8.0's, they're better human beings and more fun. If she's Miss Teen-AgeAnatreim,packinga pair of 38 D's, wearinga $75 hair cut, with a dovearoundher neckyou won't bother,right? Shouldyou be lucky enoughto havea choicebetweenthree 2O year olds, all equallyinterested,you will be smartenough to choosethe 7 .3 not the 8.7 or the 9.2 won't you? When more than one is showinginterest,be patient. The smoothone'sprobablya gameplayer.If they'reaboutthe sirme &ge,pick the one who showsthe most genuineinterestafter a coupleof hours.If they'reall showingthe samelevel of interest and one is 19, one is a typical 20 yearold and the third is 23. Pick the oldest.The chancesheis on the pill, driving her own car and living away from homeis a hundredtimes greater. It requiresfour timesasmuchpatienceto get an affair started with a 19 yearold as it doeswith a 23 year old. Onceit starts, the youngoneneedstwo daysto setup the subterfugenecessary to come over for an afternoon. She has a boyfriend, and a
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mother, and a father, anda brother, anda nosy girl friend and shecan't spendthe night. The 23 yearold comesover anytime her boyfriendcanbe bullshitted. Did you get that back there at the beginningof this chapter about finding her only where you have a reason to say something.I hopeso, otherwiseyou'll haveto get a new copy of How To Pick Up Girls, anduseone of Weber'strusty lines to Meet Her.
I
So if you happento be in one of these singles'bars somecrowdedFriday night, and you seea girl you dig, don't hesitate. Don't knockyourselfout thinkingup a witty approach.AU you haveto say is, 'Hi, how ya doin. ' ERIC WEBER, How To Pick Up Girts
Meet Her Gimmea break.Do you suppose the putzreallybelievesthat? Christ, I hopeso. May he try it everyFriday night for the rest of his life. It might work if you're RobertRedford,otherwise I submit,disrespectfully, thereisn't any 40 yearold man who can walk up to any 20 yearold womanandget anywherewith any openingline. In the past ten yearsI've neverbeenable to date a young woman I met in someother way than being introducedby a mutualfriend, sheintroducedherselfor I introducedmyselfat: a socialgathering,a class,a club meeting,ffiy companyor her work placeafterfrequentingit asa customerfor weeks.But then I nevertriedjust strollingup and saying"That dimple on your left kneeis absolutelysensational!" Tiny testicles,I guess. The purposeof meetingher is to talk with her long enough for her to ". . . realizeyou are: (1) safe(2) interestingand(3) atttactive." I hopethat soundsfamiliar. Whenyou'reintroduced thehardpart'sover.There'snothing left to do excepttalk with her but that's the next chapter.This one's aboutmeetingher all by your little ole self. AT YOTJROFFICE Acknowledgeher existencewith a friendly "Hi' as you go by her deskor passin the corridors.Nonverballylet her know you're slightly interestedbut not dying to meet her. You're becomingfamiliar,nota stranger."Hi's " atefirstconversations, makingsecondoneseasier.
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Do this asoftenaspossiblewithoutbeingobviousfor a week or so. You're looking for any sign of intereston her part, a smileor 6'Hi" in return,plus the everreliablegoodvibes. "How's it goin'?" from her is great.But don't stopandtalk with her now. Replyon the samelevel basedon your personali'boutC plus,workingon a B. " Tomorrowor' ty. Mine is, "Oh even better, the day after, go back and, under any pretext, preferablybusinessrelatedsaysomething,"Hi. I'm lookingfor Jim Fulkerson'soffice. Do you know whereit is?" If shetellsyou, fine. If shedoesn'tknow, fine. Your response iSsimilar."Thanks,"or, "Oh well. I'll find him." Thenextend " She'll your hand, "I'm Don, work over in dataprocessing. you're or, move long, chat Don't you name. her shakeandtell only slightly interested. I noticedSuzanne,22, walking to her car in the parking lot *Hi' when passing and in the cafeteria.I had smiledand said her in the hall on severaloccasions.Sheand someco-workers werebullshittingin the aislewhenI wason my way to the third floor to seeGus. I stoppedand saidto all three, "I can't find my way out of said, this maze.Where'sthestairwayto thecafeteria?"Suzanne her shook and myself "Follow me." On the way I introduced smalltalk. Two dayslater We exchanged hand.Shereciprocated. I went pasther cubicle w&y, the On again. Gus "had see to" I I and said "Hi. " On the way out stoppedand chattedbriefly. You know, whereI worked,the dumbshitsin purchasing.Two chatslater we madea lunchdate. I run a sportsbettingpool at every opportunity.It givesme a reasonto introducemyself and to talk with her by trying to sell her a squareor a team. Later, I go back with a progress report or to let her know who won the "big bucks" and talk abouthow closeshecitmeto winning it all. WHERE SIIE WORKS She'swhereyou havesomereasonto talk to her - waitress, storeclerk, tibrarian.Do the samethingsyou do at your office. It takeslongerand comingup with somethingto say is harder. Keep putting yourself in front of her over and over. It makes her feel sheknowsyou. It's easierfor her to talk with you if youorenot a completestranger.
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Gina, 20, was the morning cashier at a coffee shop near my office. I had been going there for a month and although we'd only exchangedamenitiesmy eyes had said "What a tush. I'd love to eat you." Her eyes had said, "Maybe." I met her by saying, "Jesus, am I hung over," to her usual, "How y'doin t'day?" She gave me some aspirins from her purse and commiserated, relating she had one Friday. The next morning sheaskedif I'd recovered.We talked about drinking. I suggestedwe have one together. Two days later we met for a Margarita when she got off at three. She was not subtle. After asking how old I was she laughed and changedthe subject abruptly. With one more drink she confided she'd lusted after a 50 year old at her dad's company when she was 16. We lasted nine weeks. WEDDING RECEPTION OR PARTY The process is the same but compressed.She's going to be gone in a couple of hours. You must start faster, build faster and think of something to say faster. Startfasterby sayinga friendly "Hi" to eachandevery person you see from the time you park the car until you're situated where you can look for her. You're building a foundation to work from. This gives you the chanceto say later, "Hi. Saw you on the way in. I'm Don. Work with Jim, " or friend of the bride or went to school with Sally. Build faster by using this line to introduce yourself and have conversationswith as many different people aspossible.You're setting it up to meet her. Keep it short and move on. The more people you meet the better your chances are. It makes no difference what sex or how old. When you seeher talking with one of thesepeople you'll be able to join their conversationmuch easier. [n fact, you might even get introduced.And, it's easierfor any of the sweetyoung things interestedin you to join a group you're in. They know the people you're talking to. In fact, you might even get introduced. Got it? Acknowledge her anytime you have the chance. Say "Hi," nod and smile on your way to or from the rest room, bar, kitchen, pool. You're just being friendly. Remember, these "Hi's" are first conversations.It's the sameas passingher desk
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at work or being her customerday in and day out. You won't be a strangerwhen you start the secondconversation. THE PHOTOGMPHER PLOY.I stumbledonthisonewhen volunteering to take informal shots at a friend's wedding. Femaleslove to havetheir picturetaken,period, Domatterhow much they protest. Takea camerato partiesandweddings.Don't be an obvious assand only take photosof the girls. Shootlots of picturesof everyone.It givesyou a chanceto meetandtalk with evenmore guests. When a youngwoman'sin a shotaskher, "Would you like to get copiesof these?' Dependingon her reply you haveoptions. Her response,including tone of voice and body language, translatesto "Jam it, old man.' You s&Y,"Jim'll havethem, probablySaturdayif you changeyour mind.' (Adios, bitch.) If she radiates moderate interest with her words and non-verbal signals, you s&Y, "They'll probably be done, Wednesday.(Smile, offer your hand.)I'm Don, friend of the 'When you shakehands,her vibrationswill let you know bride." if you tell her (Adios, bitch) or if you say what'sjust below, when the signalsare positive. Shereplies,"Sure!' andhersparklingeyesSaY,"Gee,you're *Let'Sfuck!" Not drifting off, right? kindacute.' You SaY, Okay. You really say the sitmething, "They'll probablybe done, Wednesday.(Smile, offer your hand.)I'm Don, friend of thebride." As you shakehandsnoticeif her vibrationsmatch what you think shesaidwithout words. Whenthey do, respond with, "Nice to meetyou Debbie.I work in Anatreim,live over in Whittier," and wait. You just put the ball in her court. Sometimesshe's so new at this she doesn'tnoticethe ball comeover the net. Sometimesshe'sseeingif you're nuts are you're so excitedyou don't asbig ils you're mouth.Sometimes seeher Daddystandingthere.Like a chessgame,after a couple of movesthe optionsate endless. In the nameof optimismlet's pretendshesays,"Oh yeah? I live in Fullerton." Hand her your interestingbusinesscard, say, "Here's my number. Call me at work. I'll meet you withthemon Thursdayor whenever.Okay?"Leave. somewhere Go back in a half an hour. Talk with her. Dancewith her. See what "develops."Yuk, yuk.
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THE DO-YOU-KNOW-HIM GAMBIT. Here's another wonderful methodI discoveredby accident.Siruateyourself whereyou canconfidentiallysayto her, "Do you knowthatbald guy's name?I've met him, can't remember.Don't want to embarrass myself.' If shedoesknowor doesn't,thankher, then moveon to thebaldguy. Partwith, "Wish me luck." See,just like at the office. Move on now, comeback later. I've usedthis to get her to noticeme and as an openerafter signsof interestfrom her. You can't lose.It's innocentlooking and sounding. She feels empathy. Everyone's forgotten somebody'sname.You havea reasonto move otr, leavingto talk to the bald guy. And, you havethe perfectexcuseto talk with her again.She'swondershow it went with the bald guy, soyou go backandreport,right?It worksat anygathering,wet or dry but wait awhileif peoplearedrinkitrg,boozeloosensher up and stiffensyour spine. CLASS OR CLT]B MEETING The principlesare the sameas meetingher at your office. She'sgoingto be there,sogo slow. Let her knowyou're aware of her existenceandacknowledge it. Justsay"Hi" andnotmuch else. Don't appearto be anythingbut friendly and slightly interested.Be discreetin front of anyoneelse. Let her becomeusedto you. Get to know otherpeoplefirst. She'll feel lessthreatenedif threeor four peopleare going to thestudentunionfor coffeeat breakor to therestaurant-bar after the meeting. Getonthesamesubcommittee or studentprojectwithoutbeing blatantly noticeable.When the situationis right, under any pretext,ideallyclassor club related,startthe secondconversation. Rememberto shakeher handandintroduceyourselfa few minutesinto it. YOI]R ATTITI.]DE WHEN MEETING IIER This soundfamiliar?She'sdrawnby indifference,feignedor real. You're friendly, not dangerousandsomewhatinterested, aloof but possible,if sheplaysher cardsright. "I am the catch here,not you. I'm not goingto chaseyou." WHAT TO DO WIIEN MEETING IIER When introducedor when introducingyourself extendyour hand,shakeher handfirmly, look her in the eyesandsmile.Be alive. Laughand relax. Seriousis not attractiveto the young.
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In Californiapeopleunder25 areon a first nilmebasis.I don't know aboutelsewherebut here it's uncool to ask for or use a last nameearly on. I don't like it. I confonn. After a few minutesof talk, complimenther on anythingyou genuinelylike or admireabouther, especiallyher clothing and accessories, not her great tits. This has to be real or you're dismissedasa bullshitartist.Praisingsomethingshechose,like a braceletor her shoesis the best. Everybodytells her shehas beautiful eyes. You're different. Only one complimentper conversationthough,/ou're only mildly interested. ON SIIAKING HAI\DS Shakingher hand makesyou different from the boys and youngmenwho nod andsmilewhenmeetingher. Sheinstantly knowsyou're in anothercategory,"Men." A ton of real data is exchangedas you two touch for these three seconds.What you learn is gut knowledge.She can't bullshit your stomachandyou're a fool to ignoreits judgement bernrlnerable. of her. Look intoher eyesrnd, for a few seconds, Let her seeyou. Seeinto her. It confirmsor deniesyour other impressionsof her. If you know what she's really like, as opposedto what she appearsto be, you're way aheadof any competitionaround.You canadjustyour courtshipapproachand paceaccordingly. Althoughsomeof theyoungeronesarea bit disorientedwhen you offer your hand, they quickly recover and reciprocate. Sometimesit's in a submissivemanner,sometimesas a sexual equal, sometimesas the openingmove in a gameof Rapoand bore. sometimeslike a dead-pussied I've savedmyself far more than the price of a drink by excusingmyself at the earliestopportunityafter shakinghands with someof them.I'm not interestedin gameplayersor teases. One sophisticatedlooking beautynrrnedout to be nothing but a shy, frighteneddoe. Not my t)rpeat all. On two occasionsI wasableto skip ninetypercentof PhaseOnepreliminariesbased only on the sparksthat flew whenwe graspedeachother in this socially acceptablemanner. Carla told ffie, a month into our affair, she had beenquite impressed,"I felt so ladylike." Not one was ever repelled.
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OF MEBTING TIIE TEN COMTS you from the beginning.Never are Showher how discreet makemoveson her in front of her peersor anyoneelsefor that she'sgot in her. Don't matter,ro matterhow muchchampagne comeon so low key or so aloof anddistantshefinds you cold anduninteresting.You absolutelycannotbe stuffy. Readthese slowly. Think aboutall theimplicationsof each commandments of Courtship. one.Thesearenot like theElevenCommandments You can't breakevenoneof these. I. II. III. IV. V. VI. VII. VIII. IX. X.
Thou shaltnot stareat her tits or ass Thou shaltnot mentionthe ex or children Thou shaltnot look at other females Thou shaltnot talk over or down to her Thou shaltnot be slick and smooth Thou shaltnot be negativeor cynical Thou shaltnot mentionsex Thou shaltnot ask aboutboyfriends Thou shaltnot touch, exceptto shakehands Thou shaltnot indicatea standinginterestin her.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WITH STEEL BALLS To meeta reallygoodlookingone,remembershe'sbeing"hit on" all the time. She'sso usedto flatterythe man or boy who complimentsher makesno impact.She'sboredwith the same old shit when someone'strying to pick her up. She has no respectleft for them. They try so hard or kiss her ass. Use a different approach,onethat rattlesher confidenceand causesdoubtof her lofty status.Tell hershehastheugliestshoes you've ever seenand walk away. The next time you go back you'll haveher attention.Play it by ear. Your only chanceis to blasther andshakeup herdefenses soyou canpenetratethem, and her, later. You havenothingto lose. It doesn'thaveto be shoes,it could be an ugly ring, hair piece,anythingthat's out of place.Don't criticizeanythingshe can't change,her nose,her fingers. It won't do any goodto say, "You're so pretty,but you ruin " To the point. "Jesus!Thoseare it all with thoseugly shoes. ugly shoes."
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You knowhow to find her andmeether. But you've onlyjust 'We begun. homosapiensconductour courtshipswith conversations. It's time to Talk WithHer.
Oncenegotiationsbegin,
it's onlya mntterof timc before castle walls crumble or mnidenhead breached. CHURCHILL
Whena girl soysyes, she meansmnybe. Whenshesaysfto, shemeansyes. Whenshesaysmaybe,she meansno.
SINGLE MALE, explaining*them" to the authorcirca '79
Talk With Her The first conversationis only to show her you're safe and interesting.(A second,but importantpurposeis to makecertain sheisn't a SWAT teammember'sgirl friend.) Your goal in all subsequent conversations is to let her seeyou're an attractive, discreetman, someoneit would be fun to havean affair with. WALK A IVTILEIN IMR SHOES You're 20 yearsold, make$5 an hour andlive at home.The world you live in revolvesaroundfriends,collegeandpartying. Your oldestfriend is 24. Self esteemis derivedfrom your car, your clothes,how *cool" your friendsthink you areand your girl friend's appearance. Sevendifferentgirls havebeenout with you, the oldestwas 20. You got hand jobs from four, French kisses and titty squeezesfrom all and "did it" with three. one was Rosy Roundheels,the other two were steadygirl friends. You haveno ideawhatyou'll be doinga weekfrom now, let alonetwo monthsfrom now. In the backof your mind you plan to marry before reaching30. You're a coupleof beersinto it at a gatheringwhere there are peopleof all ages,soy a weddingreception.Three of your buddies are standing right over there, beside your uptight parents.Your girl friend's over there, about 2A feet away, dancingwith her brother. An attractivewomanof 40 extends her hand, introducesherself and startstalking with you. How
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do you want the woman to behavein this situation?Got the picture? At 2A yearsof ageyou want the s,rmethingsfrom her as the young woman you approachwants from you: (1) Don't be pushy,I'm not goodat tellingpeopleto buzz off. (2) Don't be obvious,althoughI may be interested,I don't want everyone in the room to know. (3) RealizeI'm scared,I've neverdone this beforeand evenif it's exciting,I seeyou asvery powerful anddangerous . Jeez,you're a grown-up.(4) Be casual,friendly and relaxed,it'll help me stay that way. Don't show you're nervous, it makes me nervous. (5) Keep the conversation superficial,further into it, leave a few openingsfor me to tactfully indicatehow we're doing and if I want to continueor not. (6) Lateror, whenI'm moresureof myself,don't askfor too much. Give me room to maneuverto saveface, mine and yours. (7) Don't act like an assholeif I turn you down, you startedthis. ON NOT BEING DIRECT All young adults conrmunicateobliquely during the early phasesof courtship.If you're straightforwardit throwsoff her timing as well as disorientingher, and makesher feel you're not playingby the rules.Forgetthe "communicationskillsn'you learnedfrom your marriagecounseloror therapist.They are completelyineffectivein the singleworld. At a minimum,direct talk makesher think you're out of it, or crary. After a few dateswhenyou're comfortablewith each other, you can graduallystartbeing more to the point, but in thebeginning,indirectexchangeof informationis the only way to fly. Singlepeoplearenot directfor two reasons:it protectsthem from the humiliation of rejection if the other person isn't interestedand, indirectnessmakesit possibleto use the other personwithout the risk of emotionalinvolvement. gameplayer.She'strying to protect Everyoneis a suspected herself.Hey, too bad,that'show it really is. I didn't makethe rule everybody'splayingby: All's fair in love andwar. DYNAIVilCS OF FIRST COIYVERSATIONS In the gameof backgammon,openingmovesare so crucial the outcomeis oftendecidedin thirty seconds.It's the samein
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this g:tme.When you do and say the right thingsin the critical first moments,the momentsturn into minutes.The longer you sustaincontact,the easierit is for her to seeyou're safe, then interesting.Only after that, can shefind you attractive. Once she'sdecidedyou're not a threat, she checksyou out physically.If you're slim andtrim, dressedwell anddon't break any of the Ten Comnrandments of Meetitrg,threeminuteslater she'sdecidingif you're a playboy.If you've donenothingand said nothing to leadher to believethat, she's wonderingwhat you'd be like in bed and consideringit. She'shadfew opportunitiesto be pickedup by an older man who wasn't an obviousdirty old tnan. After a few minutesshe knows that's exactly what you're trying to do. But, she's wondering why you're talking to her. She is confused,not realizinghow attractiveand exciting sheis to a lnan. As you interactemotionalvibes and signalsare exchanged. The longer you talk the better,up to a point. Five minutesinto the first conversation,it's time to move orn for awhile. Remember,to strongly attract her you must have the right attitude.Demonstrateyou're only slightly interestedby walking away. ONLY WIIEN SIIE'S INIERESIED Either you say somethingor shedoes.If shesayssomething first it's nearly impossibleto messup. I've learnedto go first only when she's shown interest,a smile,sustained eyecontact," accidently"touchinghe, preening afterlookingmy way, breakingher eyecontactby lookingdown irntead of aw&y,facing me with her body while talking with someoneelse, et al. Readyour body languagebooks, you'll know when she'sconsideringa mustacheride. A few momentsafter you seeshe'sinterested,andonly after she's interested,get your ass over there and say something beforeyou talk yourselfout of it. I start thinking aboutall the bad thingsthat could happen,then all the reasonssheisn't that attractive,why the other one's more interested,bla, bla, bla. If I "JustDo It" anddon't think, analyzeor worry, it getsdone. OPEI\ING LIIYES There's a knock at the door. You're not expectinganyone. You answerit andfind a smiling, well dressedyoungmanwith
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a briefcase.He opensthescreendoorandhandsyou a brochure, spewing,"Hi. I'm Dick Brain. We're conductinga suryeyin your neighbo.."You cut him off, "Not interested,"and close the door. The boy hadno chancewith you, a manwho's heard bullshit openingsmanytimesbefore,right? For Christ'ssakedon'tuseoneof those"clever" DiscoDick lines from the bar scene,"Want to comeover to my placeand look at the ceiling?" Somethinglike that confirmsher darkest suspicionsof older men andyou. What's your name?What's your major?Do you comehere often?Haven't I seenyou somewherebefore?That dimple on your left knee!You're a Scorpio?Thoseare high schooland collegeboy lines.You're a man. Showher the differencefrom the git go. She wants somethingdifferent from a man. She certainly doesn'twant you to be obvious.Shewantsyou to be graceful and oblique. Say somethingthat can only be taken as friendly but casualinterestin her as a humanbeing. REAL WORLD EXAMPLES Sonia,!9, assistant,city library, after goodeye contacton three occasionsacrossa week. I askedher to run my card through the computer,pretendingI couldn't rememberif I'd brought all the booksback. Shehad a collegesweatshirt on. "You going to Cal StateFullertor, Library Science?I went there,English.Easy,you know." Donna,18, coffeeshopcashier,aftergoodeyecontacton a daily basisfor two weeks.Shehad Rolling Stonesdecalsand o'Sawyour bumperstickersall overher VW. As I paidmy bill, stickers.I'm a Stonesfan. Couldn'tmakethecoliseumconcert. Had to work. D'you go?" Angie,24, print clerk at a companyin the samebuilding as me, after goodeyecontactover a week'stime. Shewas in the *Hi. We started personneloffice hiring in the sameday I did. the sameday lastweek.(Offeringmy hand.)I'm Don. How do you like it so far?" Jean,18, girl at a weddingreception,aftergoodeyecontact over an hour and noticing her listening in on some of my I butted into one of hers, "Get all the student conversations. grantsyou can.Lie on theapplicationif you haveto. You'll pay it all backto the bastardsin taxesafter you graduate."
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Suzie, 22, accountingclerk at a company,after great eye contact over two weeks in the cafeteria. She was sitting "accidentally"two tablesawaylookingat me. I lookedright at herandbit my applelike I waseatingher. Shelaughed.I walked up to her in theparkinglot afterwork. *Hi. (Offeringmy hand.) I'm Don. I'd like to meetyou." Kerri ,22, day waitress,at thebar asa customeroneevening after serving me a few days before. *You're really a good lookingwomanwhenyou don't haveonthatpolyesteruniform." Deanne ,2L, computerprogrammerat a company,aftergood eyecontactanda smilefrom her the day before.I wasdriving to anotherbuilding and saw her walking but talked myself out of stopping.Shewascomingup thestepsasI wasleaving."You walked over here in that heat?I was going to stopbut figured you must'abeengoingto 207. Sorry." Margie, 19, girl at mixed ageparty, mild eye contactfrom time to time. I was working on a buzz, waiting in the kitchen for her to comenearme. "Hi. I'm Mike's volley ball friend. (Offering my hand.)Don. You work at his office?" The buzz providedthe courage,by the way. Start it off differently. Keep it going by stayingdifferent. Different works. TALKING WITH IIER TIM FIRST TIME If you're not formally introducedtherearethreekindsof first conversations, arrangedeasiestto impossible: She'll be theretomorrow. She'll be therefor a few hours. She'll be goneunlessyou say something. I coverthe first two. Buy anothercopyof Weber'sbook for sure-firemethodsto pick up chicksanywhere. Let's stayat the weddingreceptionwhereyou walkeda mile in her shoes,so you'[ rememberwhat shewantsfrom you as you talk with her. AFTER INTRODUCINGYOURSELF.Thefirsttopic is how you andsheknow thebride or groom.You go first andtell her. If shedoesn'treciprocate,s&ysomethinglike, "You know Sally from college?" The youngwoman'scold!? Hey! You were supposedto be talking with her only if sheshowedinterestin you. Go over to
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thebar, look in themirror. See,your head'sup your ass.From now on only talk with her if you two haveexchangedsignsof interest. Okay, from thetop. The first topic is how you andsheknow the bride or groom. You go first and tell her. If shedoesn't like, "YouknowSallyfromcollege?" saysomething reciprocate, You haveto help her get pastthesefirst This stepis necessary. few moments.Give her somethingshe can handleeasily, ro matterhow arxious sheis. It makesno differencewhat she says, you respondwith informationaboutyourself." Ohyeatr?I've knownSallyfor three years.Shewason the samevolley ball teamasole Roger,over there,andme. You play volley ball?" She'sjust like theyoungwomanwhosepictureyou took, after the openingmovesthe optionsare infinite. The key is giving her information about you, so she'll feel free to give you informationabouther, thenyou'll havesomethingto talk about. You can say, "Nice reception,great band." Or, "Great weatherwe're having." It's safe,not helpful.Thesestatements areusefulwhenyour brain freezes,asit will from time to time. You have to defrost it quickly though and get back to revealingyourself."SeenRoadWarrior III? I liked it, but I kept sayingto myself 'What's Tina Turner doing dressedup like that?"' Or, "Sally andAllan alwayscometo my annualRaider Party. Shedoesn'tlike footballbut lovesto party, ffie too. You like pro football?" What do you do, right now, when talking with womenthe first time?This isn't muchdifferentonceyou get pastthe first minuteby helpingher. The key is revealingyourselffirst, then giving her the chanceto do likewise, "You know Sally from college?""You play volley ball?" "You like pro football?" Only show your interest non-verbally so she can reply non-verbally,that way no one's afraid of beingrejected. Revealyourselfwith safetopics- recentmovies,television shows,colleges,drinking,parties,Hawaii,skiing,backpacking, cars, sport teams, the beach, weather,where you've been recently,or are aboutto go. She'sjust like the girl you met at the office, you talk briefly, then move on. You're only slightly interested,right? Excuse
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yourselfandgo to the restroom, get a hold of yourself.Let the champagne loosenher up. SECOT{DCOIWERSATIONS AND BEYOIYD At this receptioncomebackfor moreafteryou wanderaround andmakecertainyou're notmissinganyonebetter.Translation: a few yearsolder. Stopandta.lkto that stunning35 yearold in the red dress.Showthe youngwomenwhatthey'reup against, it makesthem try harder. You may not evenhaveto go back to the one you just left. Onceshefeelscompetitiveshemight cometo you. Silly games,right?But oh so necessary. The purposeof the secondconversation. . . This is a test. Flip back to the first paragraphof this chapterif you don't remember.Okay, we're going to stay at the reception. When you can weaveit in without being obvious,disclose yourselfassingleandavailable,"WhenI gotdivorced,bla bla." "My ex-girl friend usedto, bla bla." Don't follow my advice blindly, follow your instincts. Rememberback there in Court Her I mentionedbeing able to skip PhaseOne preliminariesbasedon a hand shake?If she wantsto smokea hooter in the parking lot three minutesinto the secondconversation,be discreet,but get on with it. TACTICS. You have to show interestin her. Not strong, direct interest, as it makesher pants wet, the wrong way. Remember,casual.You're walkinga thin edgehere.Too much indifferencemakesher lose interestand quit trying, too much interestmakesher hesitatefrom fear or makesher feel she's alreadygot you. You want her to wonderand not be sure of herself. Somefeel thatby just talkingwith you andbeingfriendly they arechasingyou. Whenyou don't showsomeinterestin her she's humiliated,the end. With others,oncethey seeyou're really interested,they write you off as a pushover.All this was explainedinThe RightAnftudeand CourtHer. Whenin doubt, re-read. In generalit's bestto makeher feel like shehasto try harder to get you to makeyour move. It makesher shit or get off the pot andkeepsher guessitrg,aswell asthinking aboutyou when you're not around.The bestcourseto follow is showingbrief flashesof intensesexualandromanticinterest.Not with words,
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right? Separatethese with long periods of being nice but relativelyaloof. Be meanoncein awhile.Throw in a few digs to irritate her, too. This upsetsher balanceand breaks her rhythm of engagingin, what sheconsiders,harmlessflirting. The differencebetweentalking with her and talking with a womanis, slow andeasy'sneverwrong. With a wonranit can be fatal. aboutyourselfare best, followedby a question. Statements questions carefully.Don't seemnosyor trying to find But ask out where she lives. You're a suspectedchild molester.She doesn'twant you following her home, at leastnot yet. More aboutthis delicatetopic in a few paragraphs. WHA'T TO TALK ABOUT Anythingshe'sinterestedin. Not thenewtiuKbill. Remember walkinga mile in her shoes?Keepthetopicssuperficialbut show yourself,give her plentyof opportunitiesto reciprocate.That's what verbal intercourseis all about. Revealmore of yourselfin secondandthird conversations. et al you What kind of music,cars,clothes,food, restaurants, you what reveal right, is time the if like. Later, or, evennow, like to do radically different from her boyfriend. Talkingaboutplacesyou'vebeenor aregoingis alwaysgood unlessyou comeacrossastrying to impressher. If you're able to discusstravel without trying to dazzleher with all the places you havebeen,it is a good, safe,usefultopic. Shewantsto travel. Shehasno money.Her boyfriend'sidea of travelis goingdownto SanOnofreandsleepingon thebeach so he cansurf early in the morning.You're apotentialvehicle for visiting farawayplaceswith strangesoundingnitmes. As always,you go first to find out if she'sgeographically desirable,too. Delicatelyweavein whereyou live and which town you work in. Justlike whenyou weretalkingwith Debbie when shewanteda photo, you're puttingthe ball in her court. Giving you this info is solidevidenceshe'sattractedto You,even if donein an "oh-by-the-waymanner." Sheknowsit, now you know it. Don't pushthis. Right now it's not import&rt,so don't blow or it. If she reciprocates,great. If not, wait a few sentences Don't put anypressureon. It canbedonewith grace paragraphs.
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andsubtleness, "Is thata longdrive from whereyou live?" after shementionswhereshegoesto college,or works or plays. If that didn't get it out of her, I wait a while, then my phrasing is "So which town do you live in?" but only whenthe time is right. "'Wheredo you live?" is direct andmakesher stumble, aswell as feelingpressure."You from aroundhere?"is a bush league,boy's move, demonstrating stronginteresttoo soon. Keep talking. Keep revealingyourself.Listen for anything shesaysthat makesit feasibleto suggestfuture contactfor any reason.In Date Her, the nextchapter,you'll seejust how to do this but right now let's focuson why you're talkingwith her. At a weddingor party your primary goal is to haveher want to talk with you again,somewhere, somehow,someway - the partyyou'rethrowingoneweekhence, Bruce'sRam-Raider bash Sundaynight, lunch at the CharleyBrown's a coupleof miles from her office andyours on Tuesday.Endlesssemi-plausible reasonsexist. LJseyour big head. Your secondarygoal is to get her away from here for any reason,a first date, so to speak.A run to the storefor more booze,cigarettes,somecoffeeto soberup, a musictapefrom her car to get morepeopledancing.Caution.Don't try for too much too soon. This is a young woman, not a woman. RememberShelly! Let's supposeyou can't comeup with anythingthat's even semi-plausible. Further,let's assume theparty is startingto fade alongwith your chancesof settingup a third conversationand you're at least60 percentcertainshe'sinterestedin you. Now what?Well, ffiYman, it's time for somesteelballs. Discretely andI meaninconspicuously, handher your interestingbusiness cardandsay, "r've gottagetgoing.I enjoyedtalkingwith you. Give me a call. Let's havea drink sometimesoon." Thenyou mustleave.The oddsof her callingare20 to 1, but a long shot is betterthan no shot. Beforegetting into secondconversations when she'sgoing to be there tomorrow, and all other conversations, you need answers. ThIEVITABLE QITESTIONS- ETHICAL AhISWERS This is a recording.If gettinglaid is your motive, put on a weddingring and act marriedor get a younghooker.
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Do not lie! Tell thetruth. If you lie she'llknow. If shedoesn't know, what the hell do you want with her? You're interested in havingan affair with a niceyoungwonurnwho likes you, not somedick you pretendto be. The minuteshestartsaskingthesequestionsshe'sinterested, attractedandcornideringwhat it would be like to havean older lover. The more of theseshe asks in any single meeting,the more interestedsheis. It usuallytakesfive separatetalks after the secondconversationwith her to get through all of these. Have your versions of my answersdown pat. Notice it's arrangedso what she asksis translatedinto what she means, likewisewith your answers. Debbie.'How old areyou?['m interestedin you.l You.'Two yearsolderthanMickJagger.[Don't lie now. You'd go outwith him wouldn't you?l Debbie:How old, really?[f you're too old to marry me, I don't wannawastetime. Possiblesecondtranslation:Jus'wanna know how old'a guy I'm goin' out with.] You: Forty six, going on twentyseven.['m youngat heart.I don't lie, I tell thetruth.J Debbie.'Are you married?tI hopenot. This is lookingbetter.l You: Nope.Got divorced.You married?tI knowyou're not but let's seehow you handlethis first pass.I'll decidewhereto go after finding out.l Debbie.'Do you haveanychildren?[ hopenot but I suppose you do. Damn, what'll they think of me?l You: tlh huh, one. [Here'sa hardreturnto your backhand.Let's seewhatyou do now.J Debbie.'How old is he?[PleaseGod,don't let him bemy age. Is he too old or too young to be a problem if we date?l You: She'sL7. ['m old enoughto be your dad. So what?] Debbie: Does shelive with you? [ hopenot. I don' wanna haftameether. Gawd, what would I say?JYou: Shelives with her Mom and stayswith me every other weekend.[Ain't no problembabe.l Debbie: How long you beendivorced?['m not so durnb. I readCosmo.Guyswhojust gotdivorcedaretrouble.lYoz; Five years.[Ain't no problembabe.] Debbie: Why'd you get divorced? [This is looking pretty
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good. You aren't a drunk or anythingare you?] You: Oh, you 'We just couldn'tget along. fl'm kindanormal.Ain't no know. problembabe.l Debbie: Are you going to get married again?[Are you one of thosemid-life craziesI readaboutin Cosmo?JYou: When I meet the right Girl. (Emphasison Girl.) It's not that great being single. f['m okay. Not one of thosecrazies.I've gone throughall that. And, I'm not breakingyour bubble.I with a youngwomanor you'vetalked If sheseesyou somewhere with her oftenenoughfor her to realizeyou dateyoungwomen, takesplace. this sequence Debbie.'Wasthat your girl friend with you at the restaurant? you were interestedin me.J You: Nope. Just a girl thought I 'em, gets too I date. I don't have a girl friend. Don't like complicated,just like to have fun and enjoy life. [Ain't no problembabe.Now you reallyknowthe score.Well? Let's get on with it.l Debbis.'How old is she?[Shelookedasyoungasme. Oh my in me.JYou: Deniceis L9. [Ain't GawdlHe really is interested no problembabe.J Debbie:Why do you datesuchyounggirls? ['d like to go out with you but isn't that sick?] You: I like young Women. (Emphasison TVomen.)[Are you a Womanor just a little girl, afraid of a man?l Debbie: Why? ['m a little afraid, Yes,but I might take a You:They'rejust chanceif you giveme a goodrationalizatroll.l interestedin havingfun and enjoyinglife. They don't want to getmarried,right now. [There'sa goodrationalizationandnow you really know what I'm offering. Okay, babe?l Sometimesthis next questioncomesup whetheror not Debbie saw you out with a young woman. The remainder of the questionscomeup no matterwhat. Debbie..What if your daughterdatedsomeone46 yearcold? [If it's not so sickwill you let her do whatI'm aboutto do?Pass this test,Jackll You: I raisedher so shelearnedto makeup her
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own mind abouteverything.Shedoeswhatevershewants.She's prettysmart.Doesn'tdo drugs.Doesn'tdrink anddrive. I don't make rules for her. I think if my parentshad donethat with me I wouldn't havebeenso wild. [t's not sick, okay?] Debbie: When are you going to get married again?[Do you and I have a chanceof endtngup marrid?l You: When I meet the right Girl. (Emphasison Girl.) [You may be the one. No promises.f'm not brealcingyour bubble.IJt's get on with it. You're startingto soundlike a 27 year old.l 'What do you do? [Are you rich?] You: I'm in data Debbie.' processing.fl'm not sayinganythingaboutbucksuntil you learn I'm not gonnabe your sugardaddy.l Dehbie: Do you havea girl friend? II hopenot. Things get, like, you know, messedup, I'd feel like a homewrecker.l You: Nope. Don't like 'em, getstoo complicated,just like to have fun and enjoy life. [Ain't no problem babe. Now you really know the score.Well? Irt's get on with it.J Debhie.'But, I havea boyfriend?[Tell me it's okay to have a fling, please!It's not that bad to fool arounda little, is it?I You: I don't mind. [Not only is it okayto havea fling, it's great. I'm no jealousboy. Ain't no problembabe.l When I've talkedwith her correctlybeforeshestartsasking thesequestions,ffiy answerswork abouthalf the time. The rest of the time eitherI pickedthe wrong oneor shedoesn'tlike the truth. I won't lie. I want to havea caring, romanticaffair with her becauseshelikes rle, the real me. If you only want to get laid, call up one of thoseswinging singlesyou met on the way down the ageladder.That's all she brought wants,too. You don't needthehorrendouscomplications on by lying, not to mentionhow little you'd think of yourself for using an innocenthumanbeing. She will be lied to soon enoughbut don't you be the one who makesher behavelike a defensive,manipulative,ffigry, singles'barfly. I-etitcomefrom Danny Manly, RandyRedPorscheor SammySilverBeemer. Whenyou don't getanywhere,shedidn't like thetruth or you pickedthewrongoneor you needto re-workyou answers.Don't start lying. Think aboutwhat you said. Think aboutwhat she was really asking.Figtrreout a way to keepyour integrity with
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a re-wordedanswer. Someversionwill work for you, half thetime, onceyou learn from your mistakes.Do not lie. Thereasonyou're doingall this is to date a young woman who likes you, not the nnn you pretendto be. If you bullshither into datingyou, it won't make you feel like a man. It will makeyou feel like a callousprick, which is what you are whenyou lie. She'sout there.Patience and honestywill find her. SECOI{D COIYVERSATIONS AI\D BEYOIYD WIIEN SIIE'LL BE TIIERE TOMORROW Connectwith the first conversationby mentioninganything shesaidthefirst time. If shetold you whereshewentto college, sayyou readin the sportspageUC SantaCruz is changingthe nameof it's teamto theFightingBananaSlugs.If shementioned a concertshewas going to, tell her you heardit was a sellout or the reviewerdidn't like it or anythingyou know abouther world. Get the subtlemessage in her headyou'vebeenthinking abouther. FORBIDDEN TOPICS. Never, absolutelynever say "I'm nevergettingmarriedagain.' Nevervolunteerthatyou'redating other females.Never knock marriageand children. Never be cynical aboutsuchthings until much later in the affair, like a year. Don't bring Sex is verbotenduring the early conversations. up thesubjectin anyfashion.Don't swearfor five conversations evenwhenshesays"fuck' everyotherword. You're different, remember. Don't respondin kind to her sexualinnuendosor *dirty" jokes.Changethesubjectwithoutmakingherfeelsheconrmitted afaw pas. Don't pretendyou're offendedas an attemptto be her funny. Shemay think shedid shockyou. That'll embarrass or makeher think you're "out of it.' Deepdownshebelievestalking or evenjoking aboutsexwith someoneshebarelyknowsmakesher a badgirl, especiallywhen he's a grown-up. Although she wantsto know she can attract a manit's too muchfor herto dealwith sexuality,yoursor hers, early in the courtship. At the sametime she'stestingto seeif you?reinterestedin her as a sex toy or as a person.Passthe test.
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After you two know eachother, sexcanbejoked about,then discussed,tactfully at first andlater, straightforwardly.But this is one early mistakeyou cannever, and I meannever, recover from. It's alwaysfatal. See"Foot In Mouth Stories' at the end of this chapter. Don'tbelittleherbeliefs,valuesortastes.Keepyourcynicism to yourself.Don't makefun of how youngsheis. Don't mention or evenlook at anotherfemale. Fantasy,notreality, is important.Talkingaboutor explaining Supply SideEconomicsis certainto makeher face reality. Never ask how old sheis. If you askher, she'll askyou. It forcesthe agedifferenceissueinto the open.Shedoesnot want to admitshe's19. Shelikespretending.Besides,youngwomen perceiveyou asfive or tenyearsyoungerif you're dressedright. Let fantasyprevail. To anyone20 years old, somethingmore than sevenyears ago is ancienthistory. Vietnamhappenedin the stone x9a,and so did you, if you talk aboutthe bad old days. ALWAYS SAY. During eachconversation genuinelycompliment her once, and only once,espcially on somethingothersdon't normally notice. Not her beautifulhair, not her beautifuleyes. Not her beautifulcomplexion.Maybeher teeth.But, if you can notice somethingthat revealsher personaltaste, she knows you're different, special. Her clothes, shoes,jewelry and accessories are the ways shemakesa statementaboutherself. DON'T ACT SAPERIOR. Don't actlike a parentor teacher giving advice,it only emphasizes the agedifference.If sheasks for advicelike she'd ask a good friend, carefully saywhat you think and talk with her as an equal. If she asks for advice indirectly,beg off or play dtrmb. Coming across like someonevastly superior to her in knowledgemakesher feel ignorant. Explain anythinglike it's simpleand only a matterof looking it up or knowing whereto look. You just happento know this becauseyou read about it or do it for a living or whatever.Shecouldhaveknown it, too. Tactfully done,talking aboutsomethingshe'saskedaboutor wantsto learn aboutis dynamite.It clearly showshow much betteroff she'dbedatingyou in additiontoherboyfriend,who's only interestedin his car or how much beer he can drink at a party.
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You wantherto comeawayfrom learningsomethingthinkitrg, "Gee,he'sthekindaguyI'd like go outwith, learnhow to scuba dive." As opposedto, "Wow, is he smart." HAMOR IS DAI{GEROUS.Humor canbe.anally whenyou useit to showyou're not a seriousold fart. Laughingat yourself is best.Beingsilly andjoking aroundto pokefun at life andthe absurdityof it all is pretty safe. But to attemptmaking a point with humor is often deadly. She'sconcernedwith how she'scomingacross,wondering if she's acting like a woman,unawarethat you don't want a woman.She'ssobusyworrying,sheusuallymissesthejokeand, of coursethe point. Then,eithershefeelsstupidor thinl$ you are. Fatal. clothes,car or anything Jokingabouther figure, appearance, risk. Young peopleare elseabouther is taking an unnecessary sosensitiveabouttheir imageandgettheir feelingshurt far more easilythan old fools like you and me. There is a fine line betweenbeing funny andbeing crudeto a young female.Never attemptto be witty aboutsex. The girl who showedinterestandwas startingto becomeattracted,can, andwill, suddenlywrite you off asa dirty old manif you offend her. You canruinthreehoursof preliminarieswith onesentence. You are a gentleman.This is a recording.You're different. SETTING IT UP TO DATE HER. The set up includes disclosingyou're singleand availablein the samemanneryou usedduring the secondconversationat a party or wedding. Other setupsincludethinking of someway shecould do you a favor. Like askingif sheknowsanyonewith a WV convertible for saleor if sheseesonefor saleto tell you. Anythingto get her to think aboutyou whenyou're not there. I let her know I work on cars as a hobby. Perhapsa week later, or more, shemight ask me why her car keepsstallingat lights. I can assumeshe'saskingme out. What canyou do a youngwonrancan't?Hook up car stereos recordersandothermysterious andhomestereos,videocassette electronicdevices?Can you do incometuc returns?I can edit term papers.I rewrote one that led to a two and a half year affair. Canyou get her a srunmerjob whereyou work? Think. Make a list of what you can do beforeyou meether.
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FIFTH COI{VERSATIONS AI{D BEYOI\D Continuerevealingyourself,especiallythingsyou like to do she's nevertried and her boyfriend'snot interestedin. Other than that, you only haveto talk abouttopics of interestto her. It's not muchdifferentfrom a womannow that she'sinterested. Sit downandwrite a slanted,interestingonepageautobiography. Commit it to memory. She'll ask, probably after two aboutyou andyour history.On thefirst realdate, conversations she'll want to know details,somewhatlike a pedigree.Don't that you're proud of. brag. Do say what you've accomplished Be readyto discussyourdivorcehonestlyandwithoutsadness or regret in your eyes,tone of voice or on your face. If you can't do this, ]ou're not readyfor youngwomenno matterhow readyyou are in all other ways. Don't be afraid to say you've screwedup. It makesyou a humanbeing. But don't dwell on it andcomeacrosslike a loseror a basketcase.It took me two years, 96 tears, 36 boutswith self pity and at least26 ruined first dateswith womenunder 30 beforeI was ready. ImR IID(ED I]P IIEAD, NOW She believesin boyfriend-girl friend, Jimmy and Debbie But, sheknowsyoungcoupleswhoarecheating togetherforever. turn after only one year of marriage.She'sseenacquaintances into blimpsafter onechild anda yearof daytimetelevision.She knew a girl at collegewho "slept with' her Englishprof and wonders,now that you're in the picture, if it might be fun. It takestime for her to realize she can have fun and learn somethingwith you. If you try to be directly honestwith her beforeyou get to know her well, that is, until you've beento bedwith her numytimes,you will fail. Shedoesn'tknow what to do with straight talk. It is a foreign languageto her. She communicates obliquelyandby implicatiotr,ffi mostpeopledo. You can't rushit. Shemovesat a paceshefeelscomfortable with. You can't level with her. You can't talk sense,makeher seewhat she'smissingor you'll get, *Oh, fer sure,on 'Days of Our Lives" and stuff, older men with girls but, you know, I don' know. Gee, gottago, pick up my brother. Seeya." Wait until she seesit for herself. She will, eventually,if you're patientandfun to talk with. Continuebeingyourselfand acting like a man, not a boy, and she'll rcalize what she's missing.You're just beingfriendly andenjoyableuntil shesees
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the light. Then, when she doesgo out with you and realizes you're a fun date,you can relateto her like a 27 year old. She'sconcernedwith the moral rightnessof datingyou. She expressesit as a question,aboutwhy you dateyoung women. You canpreventher askingthis oneby answeringanother.She leavesher mind open when she asksaboutyour marriage and why it didn't work out. PLAI\TTING SEEDS Sowthis intellectualseedearly in the courtship.Later you'll be ableto plantyour chromosomeseeds.Evenif I bunftled into it by accident,it's worth a $1000,plus the price of this book. Sendyour cashier'scheckto the addressin ClosingAdviceI washonestlyrespondingto a questionaboutwhathappened to my first marriage. In a long ranrbling answer covering boredoffi,eachof us changingacrossthe years,&dnauseam,I
sideof the mountains.We only went out with, well you know, just other young people. And when we got older we were curious,felt like we'd missedsomethingfun, important." young women are curious aboutmarriage and ask intimate questionsabout cheating,sex frequency,kinky sex, what it's titceafter a coupleof years,what it's like to get divorced.They haven't met anyonewho would tatk frankly and openly about somethingthey want to know. Preparationmeetsopporhrnity. Discuss sex matter of factly. Your attitude is that sex is wonderful and natural. She asksintimatequestionsonly after shetrusts You, along aboutthe tenth conversation. plant this seedwhenthe openingpresentsitself, Youwill reap *I've learnedthehard anabundantharvestin thecomingmonths, way, you donnthaveto marry everyoneyou date.' It's usually when shementionsa girl friend who's havinga hard time after breakingup with someone. *It's importantto jttst One moie seed.Say in plain English, enjoylife ar6 havefun whenoneis young.Responsibilitiescome sobnenough.' But not to her or abouther. Do this whentalking aboutthe daughterof one of your friends quitting college.
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Drop subtlehints to get her thinking aboutthe advantages of older men, not you in particular.Suchas, what dicks young males are, how you used to f, t and f 'em, too. Or, how importantyou usedto think havinga cool car was. Think about what a genuinejerk you were at Jimmy's age.That'll help. FOOT IN MOIITTI STORIES Ginny was a surprisingfirst date. Shewore me out. I was astounded by her ability anddesire.We hada seconddatebetter than the first. A few dayslater we had lunch at her request. Obliquelyshewantedto knowmy viewsonmarriage.Directly I said, "I'm nevergettingmarriedagain." I didn't get to date her again.Two monthslatershemarrieda blackjack dealershe had known for two weeks.Shegot divorcedin six months. I hadgottento know the22 yearold, beautifulDianethrough one of my friends who worked at the sirmerestaurant.When Dianefinishedearlywe would talk andplay backgammon while I waitedfor my friend. After severaleveningsof this acrosstwo weeksI askedher to lunch. Sheoneuppedme and suggested a movie. Shehad to work Saturdaynight and Sunday,so we left it at she'dcall me Mondayand we'd figure it out from there. We kept playingandtalking aboutmenandlife andrelationshipsandmarriageandwaterskiing andsuch.Shelookedat me andsaidsuggestively,"f 'm not goingto bedwith you whenwe go out." The right response wasandis, "Okay." But [o, I was working on abuzz,so I waswitty andclever, "Yeah right. Not until we're married," and laughed.So did she. Shedidn't call. I wentto therestaurantandaskedif something had come up. She said, *You just want to screw me." I responded,after a few momentsto recoverfrom the shock,"f 'd like to get to know you." Shereplied, "I won't wastemy time with anyonewho doesn'twantto get married." A three-second remark destroyeda month's work. Drinking and driving is almostas dangerousas drinking and talking. Maybe you'll learn something,a little, from my mistakes? If so,)ou won't talk your wayout of a Dianebeforeyou've even hada chance.And you won't destroythepotentiallygrandaffair with a Ginny. Canyou learnfrom themistakesof others?We'll see,after you learn how to Date Her.
I don't cArewherewe go, I don't cArewhat we do, I don't carepretty baby,just take mc with you. PRINCE
Let's spendthe night together. MICK JAGGER
Date Her What is a date?fire next-to-laststep of courtship.It's any activity undertakenin the pretextof havingfun, giving her time to decide,coruiciouslyor subconsciously,if she wantsyou to take the last step. It tookpersistence,time andpatienceto interesther andprove yourself. Even now that she's attracted,more of the sameis requiredto reach,then take the last step, and penetrateher. WIMRE SIM'S COMING FROM The oldestguy she'sdatedwas 28, RandyRedPorsche,and you know how he treatedher. Shedoesn'twant tlrat happening again. Sheenjoystalking with you, flirting with you and seeslittle risk in being a casualfriend of yours or for liking you ils an interestingperson.But you're not a boy. You've readthis time and time again, she seesyou ils a powerful, dangerousmale. Dating you is the big time. It's new, exciting, glamorousbut, "Gee, pretty scary,too, I don' know.' On a date she knows there will be a new role for her, one radicallydifferentfrom theoneshe'sbeenptayrngat your office or ather work acrossthe past weeksor months. She has no experienceto draw on andno confidencein her ability to handle you. Shethinl$ you havea magic, slick way of gettingher on her back before she evenknows what happened.
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She'snotjust worriedaboutdealingwith you, she'sthinking aboutthe consequences. "'Whatwill Debbiethink if I, for real, go out with him. What if we're seentogether?What if Jimmy finds out? What if? What if?' Shehasto answerthosequestions herself.Don't acknowledge them. Anticipateher concerns.Suggesta datethat'll dispense with most.You knowher. What'ssheworriedabout?Useyour big head. She'sstrugglingagainsteverythingparents,church,society, boyfriendandgirl friendshavedrilled intothatprettyyounghead andheartof hers.It's nearlyimpossiblefor her to makea date with you, the first time. It's like a Hell's Angel askingyou to come over to his place for someanal sex. It usually takesa pseudodateor two beforeshe'sreadyfor a realdate. ACCIDBNTAL OR PSEIJDODATES Ideally,thefirst date*just happens.'Whenit "just happens, " her resistanceto going out with someoneshe can't marry is dissolved.She doesn't have to take responsibility,it 'Just happened. " RememberFreud'squotebackinYourMotives?Thingsdon't really "just happer," now do they. Make it "just happen"the first time. "Just happen"to needa ride homefrom work, the club meetingor class."Just happen"to be at the sirmeparty. "Justhappen"to know how to hookup her stereoor adjusther carb. If you have a string of pearls,Katy at the coffee shop, Deniceat theprint shopandLaurie at the office, the opporhrnity for it to "just happen"is tripled. Whenit doesn't"just happ€r," thebestfirst dateis a pseudo date,onesheviewsascompletelyinnocent,somethingshe'ddo with a friend. To her, andanyoneshe'sworriedabout,it sounds like andlookslike she'sonly "going to do somethirg,"not go out. Shecantell herpeersaboutit withoutraisingtheireyebrows andher own suspicions. Evenif shesuspects, mostdo, shestill needsto pretendit's not a date. The purposeof a pseudodateis for her to be with you in a new setting,enjoy herselfandbe attractedstronglyenoughto want a real date.The purposeof real datesis for her to enjoy herselfandbe attractedstronglyenoughto wantyou to takethe last stepof courtship.
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DEFII\ING DATES A *real date" is when you suggesta future get togethermeetingher for a drink, lunch, brunch or dinner, a game of tennis, racket ball or a bicycle ride. Teachingher how to do something,backgammon, tennis,scubadive, ride a motorcycle, drive a stick shift. Taking her anywhere,beach, mountains, desert,a friend's pool, the movies,a conceft,a play, a Laker game,the ComedyStore,day skiing, dirt bike riding, evena ride to look at homesdecoratedfor Christmas. " For A real dateisn't real if it just happens"spontaneously. example,you *just happen"to be in the coffeeshopaboutthe time she'sgettingoff. Shementionsthehomedecoratingcontest up in the heights.You suggestgoing up to look the winners over, addingyou haveto back herein an hour. Then, you two go directly to her car (shefeelssafer,morein control)andleave. *Kinda dates"arewhensheasksyou for a realdate.Thebest! Learning how to do somethingfrom her is not a real date. She'sjust showingyou how to dive, play tennisor anythingelse wherethe rolesare reversed,youngteachingold. But you have to meether there, not takeher. And, when askingher to teach you, it cannotsound,look, smellor feel like you're askingher out. It 'Just happened.' "Pseudodates"are- fixing her car, hookingup her stereo, helpingher move,editinghertermpaper,doingher incometax, working on a classor club project together,going out with a bunch of peoplefor a few after classor to lunch from work, maybehaving her help you pick out somenew clothesat the mall. Make these'Just happen,"too. PSEIJDO DATES The pseudodateappearsto help her or it appearsto be safe 'Bring your caroverto my house andfurl. Command,don't ask. at 10 on Saturday.It soundslike somethingI can fix in 20 minutes."Or, *I'll hook it up for you, tonightabout7. Won't take long. What's your address?"Maybethis, "I'm going up to the college about 5 and shoot somebaskets.Come on up. I-et's seehow goodyou really are.' Whensheasksyou, don't be obviouslydelighted.Takeyour time. Pretendyou're thinking aboutit, then time limit it. For example,she asks, "Could you take a look at my car? It's making a funny noisewhen I put it in park.'
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You're response,aftermulling it over, consideringif you can put RaquelWelch and LaurenHutton on hold is, "Yeah, but I can't tell much unlessI canjack it up and get under there. Bring it over whenyou get off. Here's my address.I live just up thestreeta few blocks.f 've got to go out at7, though." This is from my real world, Janet,20.We lastedthreemonthsafter two falsestarts.Shewas skittish,I waspatient. Somegirls will shakethosetitties and ask you to work for them,thenhavenothingmore to do with you. Who cares?You didn't have much else to do on a Saturdaymorning. Getting taken is the only way you learn to tell the usersfrom the rest. YOUR ATTITADE WHEN SArcESTING A PSEUDO DATE. Relaxedand casual,one friend to another.It's not importantto you if it's yesor no. You're only commandingor suggesting "doingsomething, " not askingherfor a date,sowho careswhat shesays.Whensteeledfor rejectiotr,you will be. WhenSheDoesn'tAgree.If she'sbusy,"no biggie." Maybe next week.Don't saythat,just radiateit. She'llsay"no" or "maybe"because it's toosoonandit scares her, or she'sjust not interested.Drop it. Talk aboutsomething else.By suggesting a pseudodatesheknowsyou're interested. By not persisting,show her you're not that interested.If you applypressure,she'll say "yes," thenstandyou up. Trying to talk her into it doesn'twork. It detractsfrom her imageof you. Any manwho's strongandpowerfuldoesn'thave to try. If you do, shefinds you lessattractiveand it forcesher to facefacts:shewantsto dateyou. That'san issueshe'sbeen avoiditrg, subconsciously waiting for it to *just happen." If you're patientit still mightbut if you push,you'll nevergetthat first datewith her, the one you've workedmonthsfor. Don't push. But guesswhat?A few hoursafter decliningshe'll tell one of her friendsyou askedher out. You're on her mind. She'll wonderwhat it wouldhavebeenlike to go out with a man. Self doubtbegins,can she"get you?" she's challenged. Don't goback to her for a week.You've got her right where you want,thinkingaboutyou andhopingyou'll try again.Don't. Just smile and be friendly, kinda happyto seeher. Shemust believe she's not going to get anotherchance.You're just
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friends.Talk aboutskiing or whereyou've beenon a trip. Ask her what she'sbeenup to. Now she really beginsto wonderif she's "got it. " Strange game?Yes. Necessary? Damnright. Be patientfor two weeks. Wait for her to ask you but use your big head, give her an opening.If shedoesn'task, go to the next pearl. Don't come back to this one for a couple of weeks,then be friendly but standoffish.Shehasto askyou or practicallybegyou to askher. If it's absolutelynecessnr!,command,thenbe indifferentto her you'vemetyour answer.If shemakesexcuses,congratulations, first youngcock tease.There'll be more. HER ATTITADE ON A PSEaDO DATE. On somelevel sheknowsit didn't 'Justhappen.' She'snervousandon guard. This is much different from talking with you at the office, her work or after class. In the back of her headshestill thinl$ you may be the Night Stalkereven if she's gottento know you pretty well over the past coupleof months.She'salso concernedyou may be just anotherdirty old man trying to screwher. She's new at this and feels pressure.She's never around anyoneover 28 unlessit's at work. She has no idea what to expect,has no idea how to behaveor what to say. To her, there'ssomethingadultsdo that's different. The more attracted sheis, the moreexcited,but the moreworried aboutembarrassing herself. HOW TO BEIIAW ON A PSBUDO DATE. Keep it all business.If shecameover to haveyou look at her car, work on it. Offer her a beerif you're drinkingolle. Offer her another whenyou haveanother.Stayin thegarageanddon't try to move into the house.If she endsup hangingout with you after the car'sdone,fine. You've gotthechance,finally, to showheryou'remuchmore interesting,far more fun andattractivethanany boy. Talk with her. Showyourself,your valuesandlife view. Plantthoseseeds if the opportunitypresentsitself or if you can tactfully create the opening.Mention different things you like to do, unusual *safe"herboyfrierd placesto go, adult,fun activities.Somettring would never do. A matineeplay, lunch at the Sherator,skeet shooting. Jimmy takes her to 5-keg parties, Stallone-kills-
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everyonemovies, or for a really big thrill, to the Grand Prix of Motocrossat the coliseum.Shewantsto get dressedup and go out, like a woman. Don't makeanymovesunlessyou'rewilling to betyour entire future with her on it, not to mention all the time and energy 'sweep me you've put into this so far. Even if she'sradiating, off my feet,' nothingis lost by beingpatient.Shewouldn't be hereif you didn't havea chance.You've comethis far after six weeksof talking with her. Don't ruin it now by being a pushovgr. She'sprobablytestingyou to seeif you really area niceguy. In that caseany passis the silmeas slappingher face. If she's naive enoughto think you're only working on her car, making evena liule passis the sameas grabbingher tits. The goalof pseudodatesis to let her seeyou're a man,much better than boys, someoneshe could have fun with, someone she'dlike to date.Don't forgetit. REAL DATES _ DON'T ASK usethesephrases:"Wouldyou like to, " To kill your chances, don'taskpermission. "If you'renotbusy," "Canyou." Suggest, "I like talking with you. Let's havebrunchSunday,Lt Charlie Bepositive.You'rein chargehere. Brown's." Makestatements. Whenshehasotherplans,stayrelaxedandconfident.Remain cordial and friendly. There's tomorrow and a tomorrow after that. If you've built the foundation,the rest will follow. If you pressureher she'll agreethen standyou up. it's too lateto suggest conversation At the endof a sustained a date. It must happen"naturally" during the conversation.If you wait until she'sleaving,you look desperate, unattractive. Do not, I sayagain,do not suggesta dateon the first pseudo date.Let her go awayandthink to herself, "He's pretty cool, for being so old. I like him." After that soaksfor a coupleof days,talk with her underany pretext.Slow andeasy.Ask how the car's doing or the stereo'sworking. Seewhat the vibesare like beforeproceeding.A secondpseudodatemay be best. Rememberyour unspokenattinrdefrom seventypagesago? "Going out with me is natural. I'm attractedto you, you're attractedto me. You have a choice,a man or lots of boys.' You're relured. You know shewantsto go out with you, will
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go out with you, if you propositionher the right way. You'd like to dateher but you're not dying to. It would be cool but if shesays"no," it's not evena slightripple in your world. FIRST DAIES Use your big head.What hasshementionedacrossthe past a drink is fine. It's not muchto askfor, two months?Suggesting it's got a built-in time limit andit makesher feel grownup. But if you think she'sstill arxious, neutralturf makesit easierfor her to accept.Sheknowsbarsand clubs areyour territory. her andshefeels Lunchat thepark, like adultsdo it impresses you're distantfrom girl. equally both There, not a like a woman, home base. No one is too defensive.But it's more of a commitmentunlessyou add, "I've got to be backby 2." You only needan hour, the first time. Sundaybrunch at an expensivehotel is great, if during the at 3 PM. This it's clearyou haveto be somewhere suggestion puts on the time limit, making it easierto accept. A dinnerdateis evena bit muchfor a womanto bite off. It impliesdinnerand. Saveit for third or forth dates. Your placeis verboten.Shehasto be on guard.Suggesting her placemakesher think you're married.She'snot so dumb, shereadsCosmopolitan. HERATWTADE ON T'HEFIRSTDATE. You're something brand new to her. She'sbeenout with a boy or a young man hundredsof timesbut nevera man.To her, it's like thefirst date with Jimmy whenhe took her to theprom in his dad'scar. She didn't know what to do then, she'snot sure what to do llow. You're that different. It's exciting and scary. Shedoesn't want to look like a foolish little girl in front of a man. She's afraid you'll laugh at her or pull some smooth maneuver and screw her. The younger she is, the more likely it is she will stand you up. She gets scared at the last minute and is too ashamedto call and tell the truth or to even lie. More later on handling this cornmon occurrence. She's not like her 27 year old counterparts.She doesn't want to hurry into the bedroom on the first date. She has to have, and needsall the preliminaries. She does not want to be a notch on another RedPorsche's gun and she isn't interested in putting a 43 year old notch on her gutr, like some 30 year olds.
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YOARATTITUDE ON THE FINSTDATE. FirstdatesArE tensetimes for everyoneof any age.She'sespeciallyuptight beingwith someoneold enoughto beherfather.Don't talk about the age differenceunlessshe forcesthe issuedirectly. It does not exist. It is asnaturalassunriseto be out with you. Thereis nothing unusualaboutthis date. Don't ptan and scheme.Let things happennaturally. Just enjoy her company.The more reluredyou are, the more she'll relax. Don't try to impressher. Be yourself.Expectnothing. Therehavebeenseveralyoungwomenwho havecomeover to my place "just for a drink" andpulverizd my pelvis. That. only happenedafter I stoppedthinking andhopingit would. As I preach, it wtrs her idea. I was surprisedevery time. Expect nothing. Yeah, I know I told you not to suggestyour place. That's during the first two yearsat this. After that you'll haveenough confidenceto pull it off. Want to seeif I'm right? Go ahead punk, makemy day! Bet eight hard weeksof work on a threesecondten-word'suggestion." YOURHEAD ON THE FIRSTDATE. This appliestodates evenfifth and eighth, evenpseudodates.A high spermcount dramatically interferes with everything you try to do. If necess ?r! , takemattersinto your own handbeforethe first date. Loneliness,boredomor lack of sobriefyalsopreventyou from too much doingtheright thingsat therightmoments.I guarantee point. Control prevents correctdecisionsat eachturning booze thyself. More thanthreedrinksandI'm too aggressive,unableto read her correctly. Absolutelystraight,I usuallydon't haveenough steel in my balls to even suggestthe first date. Building my "confidence"with Shellyhelpedme beginto know myself, and how! Know thyself. HOW TO BBIIAW ON THB FIkST DATE. Be prompt aboutpicking her up or meetingher. Haveher homewhen you said you would. Don't get swept up in the whole thing. Demonstrateyou're a gentleman.Keep your wits aboutyou. Don't drink too much and get loose.
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Tactfully control her intake. She's scared,using Dutch courage,too. If shegetsplowedthat will be the end. The next dayshe'llremember,"My gawd.I pukedin his newJag." She'll judge herselfthe completeasshole.Her biggestfear cametrue. In front of a man, shebehavedlike a naivelittle fool. She'll be so ashamedthat she'll neverseeyou again.This happenedto me twice, not in a new Jag(damn!)but it ruinedeverythingall the sulme. No No's. Don't talk aboutsex,your childrer, ex-wife,what a shit your bossis. Don't be impatientwith otherdrivers,slow waitersor becynicalaboutlife. No nostalgiatrips aboutthe60's or 50's. No flowersor gifts. No blatantflirting with her. No, absolutelyro, lookingat otherfemales.No questionsregarding boyfriendstatus. No matter what happens,don't be a pushover.This is a recording.You're only moderatelyinterested. YesYes's.Touchher at everysociallyacceptable opporhrnity from thefirst to lastmoment,helpingwith hersweater,admiring her ring or finger nails, bracelet,necklace(carefulBuddy!) Patting her on the back for a great joke or other excuse. Otherwise,no touching,period.Shecantouchyou. Opendoors,lightcigarettes, orderfor her,walkontheoutside andothergentlemanly behavior.She'lllove it. Otherwise,only moderateattentiveness. Keepthis affair out of the shitter! No You makethedecisionswithoutconsultingher. acconrmodating. Be a man. Be in charge. Champagneis fun and exotic. He drinks beer. Openinga secondbottleis obvious.Don't causeherto think, "He's trying to get me drunk so he cantake advantageof me. Mother told meaboutguyslike this." Therearebig, notblatantlybig, bottles of champagne, 1.5 liters.Buyonefor thefirst-datepicnic,beach trip or whateveryou concoct. Talking. Keep the conversationlight and pleasant.Avoid controversial subjects.Revealyour likesanddislikesin movies, tv, sports,food,travel,drinks,games,andsuch.Ask her about similar subjects.Arranginga seconddateis mucheasierif you find out whereyou two fit togetherother than anatomically. thingsyou like to do andplaces Work into the conversation you like to go. Whenshereciprocates, asksomequestions,then add, "That soundslike it might be fun. Let's go there some-
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time,' andseewhat her reactionis. Don't firm it up evenwhen she'svery positive.Wait. If sheknowshow to do somethingyou don't, seeif she'dlike to teach you, *sometime.' If she knows of an interesting *sometime.' restaurant,agains&/, "it mightbe fun' to go there Seaing Up A Secondl)ate. If sheasksyou, with a time and dry, fine, she'smatureandserious.Go atreadandmakea date. But when sheasksin general,sry, "That soundslike ftin. I-et me checkmy schedule.I'll call you.' Don't appearto haveanopencalendaror to be willingto shift things arourd to fit her offer. You're a man, a busy grown-up doing grown-upthings.You're powerful. You don't accommodate (soundslike?) your life to a young woman's schedule. You're the catchhere. Got it? I endedup with mattersin my own handeverytime I've said, *When can we get togetheragain?' or, "When will I seeyou again?' and even, '[-et's do this again,soon.' I.et her know in plain Englishyou hadfun ander$oyedbeingwith her. Don't suggesta seconddate. A SECOND DATE, I\,IAYBE Even if something'sbeensemi-sotup,wait a few days, then call andtalk for a while. Seehow the vibrationsare. If they're positiveor neutral,suggest,don't ask, a non-romanticdate.If she'snegative,shineit andwait for her to call you and ask for a date.It'll be a long wait, like the rest of your life. After the first date, it's the sirmeas with a woman. If she doesn'twant to go out with you again,shewon't. There is this difference,a youngwonurnhasto dealwith her guilt for going out with you, someoneold enoughto be her father and for cheatingon Jimmy. There's not much you can say or do, she feelsguilty, period. For her to want a seconddatewith you, the first datehasto be a greatexperience.Havefun together.You wanther to think, "Gee, I went out with a man! It was fun, not perverted.He's goesto cool places.Wonderwhy he didn't eventry to kiss me good night?Maybehe doesn'tlike me." WIIAT GOES WRONG BBFORE TIIE FIRST DATE Julie hasa sometimesboyfriendbut shewantsto go out with me. The other girls who work with her and who know me
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encourageher to "go for it. " We were going to get together tonightanddo someslammers.Shesaidshe'dcall after taking her motherto the airport. Shedidn't. Two yearsbackI would havebeenon the phonea half an hour ago. Now, I'm goingto finish this paragraph,havea beerand watch "sports Center." No matterwhatthesongsays,you still havetime for thewaiting gilme, evenin September. I shouldhaveknown.Shecouldn'thave,withpre-meditation, come over here after taking her mother to the airport. She wouldn't haveto go home.Evenif shedid wantto wearme out on the first date,shewantsit to "just happen." Planningit and schedulingit makesit too real. Seewhat I mean about not your place?I shouldknow better!I wrote the book. suggesting I'll move on down my string of pearls and wait for my subconscious to figure out a way to makemy first datewith Julie "just happen." There'ssucha thingaswaitingtoo long. Youngwomenhave short attentionspans.Threedaysto an 18 year old seemslike threeweeksto us. Youngmalesarealwaystrying. After tendays you're history. You wereonly anotherpearlon her string, too. If shesaidshe'dcall anddidn't, wait a coupleof days.Call her. Be pleasantandcasual.Wait for an explanation.If one is not forthcoming,moveon to the nextpearl. NothingI've done is effectivewhenshedoesn'thold up her endof an agreement. She'stoo afraid to dateyou. There'snothingyou can do to changeher mind. Learnfrom your mistakes.Revieweverything thatwenton. UsuallyI cameon too fastor too hardandsheonly agreedto call becauseit waseasierthansayingshedidn't want to dateme. You werean interestingbut dangerousdistraction.It wasfun andexcitingto talk with you andto daydreamaboutriding you, but whenit camedownto actuallypicking up the phoneshegot frightenedand felt pervertedfor being interestedin you. I've found, "Well, call me when you're not so scared,' is no more effectivethan being pushy. She thinks I said, *I'm willing to wait for you becauseI don't haveany balls." It's necessaryto fold 'em, stepback and focusyour efforts elsewhere.Don't wasteanymoretime on her beingpatientand persistent.After a coupleof more monthsof boys and young men shemay be readyto take the plunge,maybenot.
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IIELPFT]L HINTS FROM IIELOISE AI\D DON Let her drive your mr if shedoesn'tscareyou to death.She loves to drive and it makesher feel grown-up.Have her sign . Let her make your credit card voucherfor the samereasons room reseryationsusing your credit card number. She tells her roommateyou're "just a friend" not a lover. Carla told Connie that and Jean told Mona the silme thing. Cooperate,sheis afraid her peerswill think she'sloose, crury or both. It is necessaryto charmthe roommate(Teddy) when the time comesand win her approval. Don't spendmoneybeyondyour meanson datesonethrough three, then try to saveon the forth date. She'll get withdrawal pains. Doing somethingunusualshecan tell her friends about is better. SECOI\D DATES
[email protected] play. Somethingbig, somethingdifferent, somethingmendo. Nothing romantic.Not dinnerat an elegant restaurant.Nothing at your place. I am not willing to go to a rock concert,period, evenwith a 9.8. I do not like the sceneor the peopleattendingandI feel out of placeaswell as "out of it to themax.' I cantolerateclub sizedperformancesof rockersI like. You cannotget tired on her. Take a nap so you canbe alive andenergetic.You mustkeepup with her. If you're in aerobic shape,andyou'd betterbe, you will haveplentyof endurance. Everythingis doneaboutthesameasthefirst date.Expressing more likes anddislikes, encouragingher to do the same.Look for matchesand fits. Dependingon everything,yes, everything,your instinctsin particular,you can, possibly,perhaps,maybe,suggesta third date, during the secondbut not at the end of it. Calling her a few dayslater is still the best courseto follow when in doubt. This is a recording.You're only moderatelyinterested. There should be more touchitrg, some of it not socially appropriatebutnot too romantic.Dependingon everything,yes, everythitrg,a gentle, not lustful, good night kiss is possible. Listento your instincts.Tina fuckedmefour timesonthe second date. That's right, she, fuckedffie, the wonderfully insatiable 19 year old thing. We're in the eighth month of our affair as I'm writing this.
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TIIIRD DATES AND BEYOI{D Prepareto takethelaststep.She'sno differentfrom a woman. Now is the time for romanticdates,movies,dinners,walks on thebeach,kissingandhugging,somefondling.It's only a matter of time whenyou've gottenthis far. "LJsethe Force,Luke, usethe Force." Payattentionto your feelings.It may be appropriateto suggestpop corn in front of the fire placeor champagne andhorsd'oeuvresat your house. paragraph I don't needa transition here,do I? You can't wait to turn this page!
Into your bedroomshe brings: linle knowledge,someexperience . and great expectations THE AUTHOR
In the gameof love it's not important tf you win or lose but whetheror not you score. WOODY ALLEN
SexWith Her Her motivation'snot a bit different from a woman's, she wantsa cockinsideher, thrusting.But, shewantsit like it's been in her secretdaydreamsandfantasiesacrossthe pastfive years. Ah[ ANALOGY FOR T]hIDERSTAI\IDING Shehas a new body, relatively.It's only four or five years old. It's a hell of a lot different from the one shehad for 15 years.This model'sgot big, roundcurvesandsometimesseems to have a mind of it's own. She'sgraduallygottenusedto it, kinda. "But it's, you know, like, well, like, I don't know, empty,uh, like, not full. " Translation:Shealwayswantsmore. Sheowns a powerful new motorcyclebut hasno idea what it's got or how fast it'll go. Jimmy rides it but never gives it muchof a workout.He doesn'tget very far. After gettingit all rewed up, he popshis clutch and stallsout. It feels goodbut frustrating. Shewantsit takento the limit, red lined in fifth gear. She'sdying to know, *What'll it really do?" Troubleis, shewantsto fly but she'sterrified of crashing and burning. SEDUCTION FOLLOWS UNDERSTANDING Shedoesnot want to feel out of control. She'sexcitedand scaredat the sametime. Don't overwhelmher. Make her feel goodbut don't give her the *full on" demonstration of what it's like to get seriouslyfuckedevenif that was, ffid is, one of her main reasonsfor datingyou.
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She can't appreciatethe full spectrumof your knowledge, ability and experienceuntil she getsusedto the idea of being in bed with you. The fourth or fifttr time you cangive her what she'sbeenwaiting for. That doesn'tmeanthe fifth time the first night either, you satyr, you. Shedoesn'twant you to think she'sinexperienced,embarrassed,ignorant, naive or innocent.Be strong but gentle and sensitive.Don't let your little headdo the thinking. Concentrateon her. Payattentionto whatgivesher pleasure. Don't expecther to tell you, readher mind andher body. LJse your experienceand knowledge.Ensureshehas a wonderful, pleasurefilled time the first few engagements. Boys comefirst, literdly. Young menarenot ableto sustain intercourse.This alonegivesyou the edgeto becomeher lover. Don't blow your edge.That'sherjob but not for weeks.That's all Jimmy ever wants.You're different.You love to go down on her and don't expecther to reciprocate. SEDUCING IIER This date with her, the third, forth or tenth, is natural and normal. Act thatway. You arenot goingto try anything.It will be her ideaat her speed.She'll go to bed with you. It may not be tonightbut shewill. It is not now or never. And, you certainlydidn't inviteher oversayinganythinglike, *Don't worry, I won't makea passat you.' Let fantasyreign. Whenshewasherethelasttimeandglancedinyourbedroom, it didn't look like a pleasurepalace,did it? Tell me therearen't any mirrors on the ceiling or even on the walls! It doeslook masculineand it better be neatand cleanlike the rest of your place. There are no fernale products or leftovers anywhere. The wholehouselookslike only a singleadultmale lives here. You don't havepicturesof your childrendisplayed.You don't even haveany picturesof your ex. The living room is not setup for seduction,the lights down low, fireplace glowing and romantic music on softly. The champagneis in the refrigeratorwhereit alwaysis, not waiting gullible youngmen who read in an ice bucket.Impressionable, Playboydo shit like that.
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Sheexpectsyou to be confident,powerful and in charge.Be that. Don't act like a boy, in a hurry to ram it home. You're not like Jimmy.Takeyour time. She'sdifferent,specialto you. You're specialto her becauseyou're different. A boy hurriesdownthefield, usingplaysshe'sseena hundred timesbefore.He neverdoesanythingunexpected.By the time he's "insidethe ten," she'sbarelywarmedup, but he's wound up, only focusedon scoring. She puts in the short yardage He forces.Shetightens defenseteam(strong,pushyresistance). the defense.He fumbles.Sherecovers,the ball as well as her composure,andbecomesdefenseoriented. Control your drinking. Keep your wits aboutyou and your focuson her body languageand overallmood. Understandher resistancewhen it comes,as it will. It meansyou're moving downfield too fastor she'stestingyour power.You're response every time is unspoken,radiated,"Okay. If we don't tonight, no biggie.We will." Whenthekissingandfondlingstart,no matterhow receptive sheis, don't pouron full voltage,you'll shortcircuither. If she feelsout of control her only solutionis to panic stop. Build the excitement,then back off and let her keep control. After you start again she'll be willing, ffid able, to go farther without slammingon the brakes.The whole eveninghasthis pattern. Your gameplan is different.You keepher offbalanceduring the preliminariesby doing the unexpected,especially:ts the foreplay is nearing completion.By being unpredictableyou preventher from makinga goalline stand.That'swhatshedoes to a boy. Don't be a boy. Her Thoughts.Mmmm.Nice sofr lips. Yuck,wlnt if he hns false teeth?Oh, I guesshe doesn't.Mmm.He smellsgood.My, what a romantic he is. Mmmm. ShouldI play hard to get? Ummm.. . W'd he stop? Go to the bathroomand listen to me one more time. Don't let her get to the point whereshehasto dig in her heelsanduse her will powerto prevent"going all the way." Build and stop. Begin againbut go farther,then stopagainuntil you're on the one yard line. That's the last time I'm going to tell you. Now go backout thereandtalk for awhile. Then startagain.
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Her Thoughts.Nice stronghug. Ummm.Oh, he's goingfor nrytit. Shouldpttshhis lwrrdaway?Uran,feels good. Ummmm. Whyam I getting so wet? She loves her tits squeezed.You're kissing and hugging passionately.Slide your hand up there. Don't stay long. Be different. Her TTtoughts.Shouldn'tlet him up . . . ummthere. . . uhlt. Am I dri*ing too much?Oh . . ul*t! . . . Unmmm!He stopped? You shift a bit asyou slowdown. She"accidentally"brushes againstyour cock. Her Thoughts.Jeez,pretty big, but not as big as Randy's. Get up and makeanotherdrink. Then take the phoneoff the hook. While you're doing that: Her Thoughts.MaybeI shouldn'ttonight.NextweekJinurry'll be at the races.I wonderwhy he stopped? Bring the drinks and sit down. Talk for awhile. Then begin again. Take your time but go farther. Her Thoughts.Heb so gentle.Oooh,he knowswhereit is. Ummmm.Wlntif I smellfunny?Oooh,oh, he'sputtingrrylwd on his thing. Mmmm.He's really lnrd! It's fourth down, six inches,pardonthe PUD,to score.After *Full a two month, sustaineddrive what play shouldyou call? backover right guard,takeher right hereon the couch?' Nope. Too predictable.She'susedto powerplayslike that,from boys. Keep your pantson! Comeon! You'reKenny"The Snake"Stabler'sage.You got here by being different from the competition,you're going to scoreby stayingdifferent. Time out! Go put on anothertape. Huddle with yourself. Think about *Let's see it. While you're doing that her curiosityis yelling, *You slut! is yelling, what it's really like.' Her conscience You're cheatingon Jimmy.' But then, her throbbing pussy pleads,*Go for it! Lock onto that cock.' To you it was no big deal. You interruptedthe sessionjust when shewas gettinginto it. You're different. Don't power it in, do the unexpected.Call the quarterback option. As the play developsyou can mn it in yourself, pitch out to the sweepingback, of, if it's all blockeduP, pass,back *wide open.' acrossthe grain to the "tight end,' shewill be
I
Sex With Her
"Triple optionright. On Two!" Time in! Let the kissingand fondling go on and on until she'swhite hot. "Hut one." Her Thoughts.This is too much. Comeon! "Hut Two!" Don't ask,just do it. Takeher by the handand confidentlylead her to the bedroom. She wantsyou make love to her, not screw her. Do that, begiruringwith thewayyouundressher. Now thatyou're in bed, don't ask,just do whateveryou want, gentlybut firmly. Her Thoughts.My, OH MyW. I neverknewa tonguecould feel . . . Ohh my . . . UMMuh . . . !€s, YES! to a minute,maybetwo, after he rams it She'saccustomed in, then he comesand rolls off. Enter gently. Sustainyour rhythmic thrusting. Her Thoughts.Umm. . . Umm. . Oh my . . . Umm. . . nice. Ummmm. . . He's good. . . Ohh . . . Am I doingit right? He's . . . breathing. . . Uh Uhhh. . . so hard. Uhhh. . . What if he has a heart attack . . . Ohhhh. . . here it comes. . . Uh Uhhh Iessss. UMMUHH . . . UHH . . OHHH . . . More. More. . . MORE! her She'llhavea burstof guilt, feellike a slut. Acknowledge feelings,as non-verballyas possible.Do not lectureor give advice.Hold her gently,sensitively. Later,complimenther on makingyou feelgood.For Christ's sake,don't askher if shecarne. Thingswill be differentnow. PhaseTwo hasbegun.
I ain't sayingyou ain't pretty, All I'm sAyin's,I'm not ready For any person,plnce or thing, To try and pull the reins in on me. LINDA RONSTADT
PhoseTwo The Courtship:find, meet,talk with, anddatemadeup Phase One. It lastedone day or threemonths.The Affair: date,talk with, makelove anddealwith eachother,makesup PhaseTwo. It can last two nightsor two years. It' s anew,forbiddenimpossiblesituatiotr,filled with pleasure, fraught with danger. The everyday relationship isn't much trouble.The routinestuff s aboutthe sameaswith a28 year old except for the problems associatedwith your young lover's immaturity but that's not the big difference. The big, ffid I meanmajor, differenceis the far, far greater intensityof emotionsyou both experience.The highsfeel twice asgood,thelowsfeelbottomless.However,you two mustmake passionatelove for weeksbeforethesefeelingsbegin to cause problems. IMR REASONS TO KEEP DATING YOU In PhaseTwo with Jimmy she must always behavelike a funrrewife. Shehasto manipulatecontinuallytomaintaincontrol of therelatiornhip.Withyou, PhaseTwo's different.Sheknows therewill be no weddingbells. Shecanjust relax and enjoy. you, looksforwardto her time with you. You Sheappreciates behave like a gentleman,always treating her with respect. hermoods Experienceacrosstheyearsenablesyou to understand personally and not take it when she's a bitch. You listen sensitively,without internrpting,to her problems.And, when
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her anguishcomes,you comfort and consoleher, acceptingit without telling her to stop actinglike a baby, os Jimmy does. When shemakesa youngperson'smistakeyou don't give her hell for not knowing what she shouldhave done, like Jimmy does.You know what makesthe world work, easilyfixing life problemsJimmyhasno ideahow to evenbeginsolving.Always of her needs,you takeyour time in thoughtfuland considerate bed. You don't wantblow jobs all the time, Jimmydoes. You're as specialto her as sheis to you, as differentto her as sheis to you, as excitingto her as sheis to you. But things getcomplicated in PhaseTwo whenpowerful,pleasant emotions arise. AFTER GRAT{D TIMES, PROBLEMS BEGIN You two havejust returnedfrom your first romanticweekend togetherin Lake Tahoe.Every night was filled with caring, sensual,satisfyingsex.Thedayswereeachanexcitingadventure of new, fur, adult activities.Don't let her havemore than24 hoursawayfrom you. After this intimate,delightful time togethershe innocently wantsto shareher joy. She tells her friends how happy and excitingher life is. EtrtW CAUSES SECOND THOaGHTS. At least one "friend" will feign pleasureat the news,then,within a minute, sneakin a commentdesigned to devastate her. It will be innocent sounding advice or innocent sounding concern or innocent soundingquestion:"You wouldn't wantto marry someonethat old, wouldyou?" It makesno differencewhatthe "friend" says, his or her purposeis to makeyour lover feel cheap,foolish and immoral. Another"friend," in the guiseof savingher, will lectureon the immorality and impracticalityof continuingwith you, "I know this really is noneof my businessBUT, I don't want you to gethurt. You'd betterbe careful.Thoseolderguysare,well, uh, he might be usingyou." Her "friends" haveno understanding or empathy.They are notpleasedfor her andseeherhappiness asthreatening.Perhaps it putsthemin touchwith how boringandemptytheir own lives are,datingthe sameboyfriendfor two years,grindingawayat a menialjob or endlesslytrying to finish college.Secretlythey
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too, want to have a fling but don't havethe courageof your younglover, so they try to destroyher. Your youngwomanis not togetherenoughto realizewhy her "friends" woulddo this exceptto o'help"her. She'snot yet seen how smallandviciouspeopleare, stompingon someoneelse's happinessbecausethey, themselves,are unhappy. Don't wait until aftershehearsthis destructivecrapto explain the motivation and resultsof envy. She wants to be a good personbut isn't far enoughdownthe adulttrail to know, really know, deepinsideshehasto live by her own rules, not those drummedinto her by our culture, then invokedby "friends" whenit servestheir petty ends. Whenthe openingpresentsitself in Tahoegentlymentionto her what may happenwith her friends when she gets back. Preventionis the only cure for the diseaseof envy. HER OWN SECONDTHOUGHTS.Evenwithout "friends" like this, beingalonegivesher too muchtime to think. It's been so goodshebeginsconsideringthe long run possibilitiesof the you two won't be getting relationship.Suddenlysheremembers married and living happily ever after! In a stateof shock she critically reviewsexactlywhat her own rules and regulations permit. She startsto feel like a bad girl. The excitement,the andfeelingspecialvanishas her pleasureof beingappreciated adrenalineflows. Shecan'trememberwhatherreasonsfor being with you are, or rather,were. " The longershe Every relationshiphasto "lead somewhere. seeingyou never for generates she has, the more "reasons" is breakit do to again.Soonshesees,ethically,the only thing off. Oncethis happensher brakesget locked. She'sin a four wheel skid. When you try talking with her she'll be steeled, It goeslike this: it's invinciblein her armorof rationalizations. so sorry, didn't just she's couldn'twork out, not fair to you, it meanto hurt You, ad nausealn. Think, think of a way of not letting her havemore thana day to herself for a futl week after the two of you return from the first grandweekend.Setit up beforehand,if possible.You want her to havesolidproof it's not only okay, it's wonderfulhaving an affair with you. The only hardevidenceshecangraspis how happy she is and how good she feels. Only this can prevent
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friends *helping" her. This alonemakesit possiblefor her to dismissself doubts. SIIE COMES TIMN GOES Julie didn't wantto getup andgo home.Shewantedto spend the night like "real lovers." "But," I objected,"you saidyou had to go becauseJimmy was going to call at 11 and maybe come over. You can stay all night any time. Let's not take chances.' Shedevelopedaplanwherebyshewouldspendthenightwhen Jimmy wasgoingto the desertwith his buddies.She'dtell him she was going out "with the girls." When he calledat 2 tur, like he probablywould, andget no answer,her story would be shegot blitzed and spentthe night at Debbie's.Complicated? Yes. Necessary? Uh huh. Did it everhappen?Nope. By thetime Friday got thereshechangedher mind. Spending the night was somehowbad. But going to bed with me in the afternoonwhenhe wasat work wasn'tgood,it just wasn'tbad. A few weekslater shefelt like evenhaving lunch with me was bad and stoppedseeingme altogether,for five whole days. Her guilt trips ebbandflow. You haveno morecontrolover this than you do over the ocean'stides. Don't let it freak you out. Hang in. Be patient.Listen and be empatheticbut don't give adviceor try to manipulateher into spendingtime with you. Shehas enoughtrouble dealingwith all her otherfeelings.Justtell her you wantto seeher anddrop it. Shehas to proceedor withdrawby her own values,based on her own needsand goals. WIMN GOOD GETS BETTER _ \ryE ALL WAI\TTBEST It makesno differenceif shehasa l-eftover, a String Along or no boyfriend,she'shavingquitean experience.Shedoesn't understandwhy or how shecanfeel so goodandhaveso much ' fun with you whenthereis no chanceof it "leadingsomewhere. After six weeksshestopsquestioningandjust acceptsit. But thebetterit is, for theboth of you, the soonershebegins wonderingwhat would happenif shebroke it off with Jimmy. She forgets what you told her aboutthe impossibilities.She wondersif the two of you can make it work. She wants it to "lead somewhere'not just continueas it is.
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Everyhumanbeingwantssomethinggoodto getbetter.She's no different. But, shemust regainher perspectiveor madness beginsfor you both. Ethically, you must put your foot down, gently at first and not let thingsget out of hand. This will be hard, as she will try to manipulateyou, subtly at first. When you standfirm she'll threatento end it and makeotherpower moves.You haveto stopwith her at this point, for a few weeks or forever. Don't getcocky!You're vulnerableto the samefeelingsand desires.Thereare hiddenmotives,secretlongingsand unmet needslurking in your soul, too. More on that in a few pages. POSITIW LEN)S TO NEGATIW. As time passes,the wonderful,positiveemotionsyou both experienceandenjoyso much causenegativefeelingsto arise. Someof her unpleasant onesare: (1) Insecurityandfear you'll rejecther for an older female. (2) Fearyou're too powerfulto control. (3) Guilt for enjoying sex with you when it isn't going anywhere.(4) Rejectionwhen she can't participatein normal activitieslike going to your company'spicnic. (5) Guilt for datingyou and her boyfriend.(6) Fearher boyfriend,parents,friendsor peers will find out. (7) Confusionandangeroveryour erraticbehavior caused by yourfeelings.(8) Fearshewill fall deeplyin lovewith you whensheknowsit can't work. You havepowerful,disorientingemotions,too: (1)Insecurity and fear she'll drop you for another man. (2) Anger and confusionover how to relateto her when she'sactingerratic becauseof her feelings.(3) Guilt, confusionandshamefor not of propriety,love, sex,honor, living up to your own standards courage,et al. (a) Fearyour companyor otherswho canharm you will find out. (5) Rejectionwhenyou can't accompanyher to normaleventslike a sororitydance.(6) Fearof falling deeply in love with her whenyou know it can't work. HonestyIs Always The Best Policy. There'snot much you you're not qary cando abouttheseemotionsexceptunderstand when she beginsexhibitingerratic behavior,or you do, and worse,whenyoubothdo. You canresolvesomeof theproblems causedby your feelingsby sharingthemwith her. Adult womenexpectand want you to be strongand rational at all times. Nearly all young womenlike it and can handleit
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when you're not. After you act like an asshole,and you will, apologizebut try to explainwhereit camefrom, whatyou were feeling and thinking to makeyou behaveso badly. She's going through similar things. She'll understandand accept.You must do the samewhen she screwsup. Let time pass.Cool down, both of you. Have courageand good will. Beyondthis, you and shecan only decidehow much craziness you can live with, then call it quits whenthe limit is exceeded. Sometimesshe can see it was fear, frustration, confusion, doubt or whateverbehind her bizarre behavior. It doesn't do much good to tell her that's the cause. Nobody accepts psychologicalanalysisevenfrom a shrink. In short, there are problemscausedby the strongemotions of PhaseTwo differentfrom thosewith a woman.You will be the sourceof some, she will be the causeof others and our culture'sruleswill createstill more. Resolutiondependson the honesty,courage,dedicationandstrengthof you andyour young lover. That's no different from any human relationship.The relationshipwith her is just far, far more emotionallyintense. I love it, evenafterblowing . . . well you'll seein a few pages. Thereareproblemsnot causedby emotions,they arisewhen it's not clear Who'sIn CltnrgeHere?
Son,you haveto be smnrter than the dog, to train her. SENSIBLEFATHER, of the author
Who'sIn ChargeHere? In the early daysI foolishly believedI didn't haveto be on top, to be on top. I wasso naive.Not knowingit wasnecessary to be in chargeof everythingI figuredI could compromiseon everythingexceptmajor issues.After a few trashedme I asked for feedback.They told me in plain English,"I like it whenthe man'sin charge.You're too nice." Backin the 70'stherewasa myth thatmenandwomencould have a relationshipof equals.Well it wasjust that, a myth. Thereis no suchthing and cannotbe. Onepersonis alwaysin control.The relationshipcanbe a three-minuteconversationin a pickup bar, a six month affair or a ten year marriage.The personin chargeis theonewho won't takeshit, thepersonmost willing to say,andthendo it, "No more.I quit." MAI{IPT]LATION IS IIER WAY OF LIFE Doesthis soundfamiliar, ". . . Remembermini-marriages? wheretheylearn,practiceandperfectthecontrolandmnnipulatheywill usein their real marriages." tion techniques Sheseesnothingimmoral aboutmanipulatingyou. To her, all malesmustbe manipulated.That'stheway Mommy controls Daddy.It's how her friends'Mommiescontroltheirhusbands, how sit-comMommiescontrolsit-comDaddies,and it's how soapoperafemalescontrol soapoperamales.
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She'snota malicious,unethicalperson,it'sjust all sheknows. Straightforwardis not in her repertoire.Shethinks it hasto be this way. It's normal, everyonerelatesto eachother like this. Evenrelationshipswithher girl friendsarefull of guilt inducing, finagling. Nobody's direct with anybodyin her world. WIIA'T SIIE BBLIEVES AI\D REALLY WAI\TTS She wantsthe man to be in chargeand considersit proper and morally right even if she fights agairnt it and tests you weekly. She doesn't like, admire or respectanyoneshe can control. Shedoesn'twant anotherboy, she wantsa rnan. Not a machonran who demandsfull time submission.But, you'd betterbelieveshewantsyou to makeher submit, from time to time, sexuallyand every other way. A stronger one will constantlychallengeyou even over extremelysmall issuesto seeif you're still in charge.If you aren't, she'sangry and let down. Shedidn't really want to be the boss. Strongor not, shetestsyou by standingyou up, then calling with (1) "Sorry 'bout yesterday.Jimmycameby, couldn't call. Don't be mad. He's goingto the deserttomorrow.Can I spend the night?" (2) Shewon't call until the next day andpretendshe didn't test you. She says excitedly, ol can spendthe night. Jimmy'sgoingto the desert.' (3) She'll go to the beachinstead of coming over in the afternoonas agreed,then cops a plea, "Sorry, Pam, fly bestfriend from schoolcameby. I couldn't tell her 'bout you. Don't be mad. Can I spend the night tomorrow?Jimmy's going to the desert." This is theonly response thatworks, *f 'rr pissedoff. We had a date.You didn't call. (Pausefor effect.)No you can't spend the night. I have plans. Maybe someother time. Goodbye." CLICK! Shemustbelievethe possibilitiesincludeyou will never see her again. It takesan iron will to turn down a night with her early otr, but turn it down you must if you hopeto continuein a pleasurableway. If you talceher shit now it only getsworse. Beingled aroundby the dick is only fun in the early training sessions,you know, when sherewardsyou for taking crap by rubbingyour cock with her tonsils.If you tradeblow jobs for her irresponsiblebehavioryou loseher respect,becomingjust
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anotherpussywhippedboy. Everytimeshegets"a betteroffer" she'll take it, knowingthat soonyou'll be a completelyhouse brokenpuppy. Someof you maythinkyou canregaincontrollater,believing you can maneuverand manipulateyour way back to the helm aftershefindsouthow greatyou reallyare.LombardiandI wish you luck. ACT LIKE A MAIY or lied to, you will retaincontrol If you won't be manipulated of the relationship.Standfirm and refuseto be treatedbadly. Behavelike a manwith plentyof self respectandyou'll do fine. Don't retaliate.Let her know in clear, easyto understand behavior.Do not bluff. Shewill call termswhat is unacceptable get calledyou two will be finished you it, I guarantee.When or you're in for a long run of her shitty behavior. I am absolutelycommittedto not putting up with anything, especiallyearly on. I learnedthe hard way it's tough enough trainingher in the first place.It's impossibleto re-trainher. Be smarterthan the dog, stay fully in chargefor months. BENEVOLENT DICTATORS She knows you two are not equal. She knows you are the person.In her view you arethe morepowerful,knowledgeable Get it through your head, leader. you the are male, therefore sheonly knowsone way of relating.You must live up to, and act out, her ideaof what a man is. It's a shamebut evenlettingher decidewhereto go for dinner to her. Shethinks,"The manshoulddecide is a signof weakness these things." She has such limited experienceshe reads (soundslike?) asaccommodating diplomaticasweak,considerate forgivenessas no balls. if you're not willing to be in chargeyou will be out of control.Lateron, like four monthsfrom now, aftersherealizes shecan't take over, you canback off a little, not much. Too bad control is an issuein older man-youngerwoman but it is andafterthefirst few datesit's "the" issue. relationships I reluctantlyacceptedit. Acceptit. But be a benevolentdictator. STANDBY FOR SBLF DBSTRUCT Most young womencan havefun and enjoy being with you in and out of bed only if "'We're not getting serious." She
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prefers lust in your eyesto love in your eyes. Her boyfriend adoresher or ignoresher but he neverlusts for her. If shestartsto fall in love it's okay in her mind only if you don't reciprocate.In this statetheaffair cancontinuefor a while longer. Shouldyou losecontrolandsayor evenbehavein ways that mean"I love you" the end is at hand. Shecan't handleit. My guess?It putsher in touchwith what 'When she'sredly doing,falling for someoneshecannotmarry. you come back with similar feelings, expressedin words or otherwise,shehasto faceit. Confrontedwith The Fact:You're not marriable,her conclusion,'Let's endthis right here, right now. It can't go anywhere.' The worst part is she endsup running the show when she thinks, feels or believesyou care for her more than she cares for you. Even if you are insanelyin love with her don't express it in deedsor verbally. If you do you'll alsolosecontrolof the relationship.Whatdo I meanby *also?' Simple,you'vealready lost control of your feelingsfalling in love with someonehalf your age. Love, Iove, love Love is all you need AU you need,all you need I-ove is all you need. For John,Paul,GeorgeandRingomaybe.But you andDebbie? PhaseTwo hasonemorebig problem,thebiggest.Well, let's seewhathappenswher, not if , Love Rearslts BeautifullyInsane Head.
Love hurts, Iovescers, Love woundsand harms, Any heart, not tough Or strong enough, To take a lot of pain, Takea lotta pain. BOUDLEAUX BRYANT
Love Reorslts BeautifullyInsoneHead It's neartheendof thesecondmonth.Tension,moretension. She clenches,moans, then archesin orgasmicecstasyand release.You thrust harder, abandoningall semblanceof self. The flurry bringsyour sweet,oh so sweet,absolutesurrender. you feel the pulseshootinto her andseeher smile.The second pulsespraysforth, shefadesfrom sight.Your headjerks back. Ego gone,id rampsgs, descends. Whitenessenvelops.Blackness pumpingand spewinglife into an emptyuniverse. with As darknesrlifts,you collapseontoher. Sheembraces yet empty, fully Empty, you tight. youthful strength,holds sweat of aware dimly tomplete,lying there,facein the pillow, everywheresheblendswith you, slightlyconsciousof hernearly srt.d vaginacaressingyour softeningcock. Slowly, you notice it's in rhythm with loving, warrnhugssheneverquite releases completely.Tighter,thentight. You lift your headin an attempt to turn toward her. She refuses,pressingher cheekfirmly to yours. you yield, and wrap your arnrsaround,joining her in an embraceof vulnerableoneness. An eternitypassesbeforeshebreaksthe silence.Shereleases her grip slightiy. With mouthbesideyour ear shesoftly utters the forbiddo[, "I love Youso." in your heart slithers The long ago, self-inflicteddeadness away.You melt.
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Shestrokesyour headlovingly. Sadness wells,you tense,try to deny, try to resist,too late. A few hot teardropsfight past clenchedeyelids,trickledown,ontoher cheek.Sheknows!You try to escape.Shemerely crushesyou to her with powerful, gentleacceptance, with innatemotherly-womanlyunderstanding far, far beyondher years. You yield, surrenderingto thegrief, theempty,meaningless, lonely yearsof pain denied.You cry, deepfrom the soul, deep from the heart, anguishedsobs of hurt, of rejectior, of helplessness. Sheonly holdsyou tighter, more tenderly,more understandingly. When it's over, ashamed you try to rushaway,somewhere, anywhere.Shewon't let you, makesyou lie thereand look at her. With wordsunspoken,you realizesheadmiresyou, respects You, not in spiteof your tearsandpain but becauseyou area Inan, a hu-manbeing. You two sit up on the edgeof the bed. Shetakesyour handand looks into your face.Shesmiles,you smile,tearscomeinto bothyour eyes.You startto explain,she shushesyou. She goesto the bathrooffi,you go to the kitchen and blow your nose, washyour face in the sink. As you're drying she glidesinto theroom,unashamedly nude,throwsher annsaround your neckandsmiles,you smile,shegrins,you grin, shelaughs, you laugh. n'Heyold man,canyou get thisup again?"shesays,grabbing and flopping your flaccid memberaround.It stiffensslightly. Shelaughswith mockastonishment, "Not bad." Shestrokesit, you hardena bit more. Shebendsover and takesyou into her mouth,all of you. Ramrod!Shefakesgagging,gigglesandleads you by the protuberance to the bedroom,throwsyou playfully on to the bed and climbs aboard. You weareachother out during the next half hour. No tears this time, only exhaustion.You lie thereholdingeachotherand drift off to sleep,the sleepof contentedanimals,Bengaltiger and his youngtigress. By the middle of the third month thesepowerful, intense emotionshavedonetheirwork.You'veforgottentheimpossibilitiestoo, andgivenyourselffree rein. You've saidthe forbidden words, from the heartmany,ffiffiy timesandyou're enthralled by the purejoy of loving again,giving again,living again.
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Everyday life-regeneratrng feelingssweepoveryou, through you, into you. You're excited, energy coursesthrough your veins. Born again!Happy for the first time in, what's it been now . . . My God! fifteen years. Fifteen yearssinceyou last felt like this, fifteen yearssinceyou knew what it meantto be alive, fully alive. Your perspectivechanges.Everythingelse becomesunimportant.Your thinking is clouded.You losesight of realrty and wish, then try to makethis last forever. FREE ADVICE Justbecauseit can't last forever is no reasonto not love her andbe lovedin return. Shit, it didn't stopyou the first time you fell in love, with your wife, did it? Don't let it stop you this time, either. So it doesn'tlast. What does? My adviceis simplyto keepyour perspective,theperspective 40 yearson this planethasgiven you. Use what you know. You know it can't last. But, if you don't know by now that, "Love is the grandestemotion,worth living for andsometimes worth dying for,' you haven't learneddiddly squat in four decades. The high of love hasa low. When it comes,as it will, don't whineandbehavelike a27 yearold. You know thereis a price for everything.Pay the price. I say love is worth any price. Decideif you're willing to pay thepiper beforeyou takethe brakesoff and go barreling into the abyss.Shedoesnot know it cannotlast, she'sa youngwornan.Shehonestlybelievesshe canlove you foreverwhenshesaysshecan. Shesincerelyfeels deep,abidinglove for you when shesaysshedoes. When The End comes,acceptit, then thank the gods for having had the chanceto love again,to live again.
Youcan't stepin the sameriver twice. Only changels constant. HERACLITUS
Thanksfor the memories. BOB HOPE
TheEnd You've readaboutsomeof my affairs.All goodthingsmust come to an end. The longestwas two and a half years, the shortestelevendays.Thesecondlongestwastwo years,thethird longest,eight months.The rest, threemonthson average. Of coursethere were untold numbersof young women I scaredaway,offendedor whojust plain didn't like me afterone pseudodate.I wastedplentyof time with many Rapoplayers, sometimesevenweeksbeforesherevealedherselfor I got my headout of my ass.Let's not forgetcockteasers.I'd guessthere wereat leastfive, onein particular,Jennifer,is still onmy mind. My God! What a bod! Hugh Hefnerwould get down andbeg. Many only spenta night,somecamebackonceor twicemore. They wereonly curious,not interestedin an affair after all. At leasttwentycouldnot bring themselves to enterPhaseTwo after monthsof courtship,severalpseudoandreal dates.Therewere threegold diggers,the longestlastedfour weeks.Noneof these were really affairs but they endedall the same. WTIAT IIAPPENS? It endswhenguilt overwhelmsher, whenher erraticbehavior overwhelmsYou, whenyour erratic behavioroverwhelmsher, when her immaturity drives you crazy, when your lack of immaturitydrives her ctary, when shemeetsMr. Rite, when you meet Ms. Rite, when her boyfriend quits her, when she
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meetsa man she likes better, when you meeta young woman you like better. Plus, it endsfor all the sirmereasonsit doeswith a woman. You know mostof thembut herearetwo examples:(1) you get bored or she does. (2) she gets possessive,wanting to know whereyou were, who you werewith, why you can't seeher this weekend. However, when you get possessiveit's erratic. You know betterbut the first few times you'll tend to forget the inherent impossibilitiesand start actinglike she'syour girl friend, not a delightful, fun young womanyou're having an affair with. Erratic, suspect,foolish, yes. But that endsit. DICKIN' AROUND WITII MTROGLYCBRIN It makesno differencethat she announcedher commitment to Jimmy. And, it makesno differencethatyou werehonestwith her aboutthe long term impossibilities.The first time you fall in love with a young wonnn things get crury quickly. If she doesn'thavea boyfriendor if they breakup during your affair, it doesn'tget crury, it getspsychotic.But whenyou fall in love with her and she has an unannouncedboyfriend, advanced schizophreniainfectsyou both. Justfollow this recipefrom my own kitchen. DON'S NECIPE FOR TROUBIfr Begin with: A month's worth of lusty, hot, hard, wet sex, with her wanting and taking all you've got. During the secondmonth add giggle-filled gilmesof tag in the park, playful wrestling on the living ioom floor, clowning with silly faces, some pillow fights and laughter, lots and lots of laughter. Mix all this with pleasant,quiet love making in the afternootr, ice cream cone-walksby the sea, evenings by the fire hotding hands, gentle touching and face caressing. In thefifrh weekbegin slowlYadding: 1 Cup Her Guilt for lying to you and to him. 2 Cups Her Double Guilt for cheating on her boyfriend with you and cheating on you with her boyfriend. 3 Cups Her Self Condemnation for making love with two different *men' within hours of each other.
The End By the eighth week dump 1 Gallon Her ConfusingSexWith Love over multiple orgasms with you when he can't last long enoughfor one. I Gallon Your ConfusingSex With [.ove over how alive and masculineyou feel with her. 2 QuartsHer Disorienting Embarrassmentfor thinking of you *do it' while she suckshim off once she feels too guilty to with him. Stir well for two weel(s.Suddenlyadd: I Bushel Your Hurt Feelingswhen your foolish dreamsand mighty ego are smashedonce you suspecthis presence. Blend with: 2 BushelsYour Indignant Ragewhen she lies and continues to lie. 2 Truckloads Your Jealousycreatedby of confidence.
and lack
3 Truckloads Your Humiliation for the scenesyou make behaving like a foolish, love struck boy. (Add this twice a week until the end.) )n*
everysceneadd:
2 Barrels Your Promisesnever to do it again. For salty flavoing throw in: Her Tears, Your Tears, an oceanof each. (Add as required, usually every other night until the end, then nightly for weeks.) Slowly stir, quickly adding: 4 Barrels Her QuadrupleGuilt for lying about lying, to you and to him. Combinewith: 2 Tons Your Fear it's about to end, 2 Tons Her Fear it's aboutto end, 4 Tons Her Double Fear shewill loseyou both. Mix well for two mare weelcs. Observe it comesto a rolling boil all by itself. Standback! It's explosive!
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I was blown up only once. This recipecanbe usedanytimeyou fall in love with her. It just takeslongerto reachtheboiling point whenher boyfriend's announcedor shedoesn'thave one. The principle ingredients are the same,grandsex, laughter,fun, hiddenmotives,guilt, fear, confusion,foolish dreams,loss of touch with reality, promises, unkeepable lies,rage,scenes, unrealisticexpectations, jealousy tears. lots of tears, and insecurity, The Secret:Never use evenone ounceof commonsense. SATETY PRECAUTIONS Someexplosionscan be prevented.Stepone is to engrave, on the insideof your foolishly proud, 1950model,male ego: Shehnsa boyfriend.I wassecond,I amsecond,I will always be second.I cannotbe first. I will not try to befirst. Wecan onlyhavefun and enioylW. I acceptit. I don't like it, I acceptit. An explosionalwaysendsit. Thereare other ways. SIIE CHANGBS, TIIAT EhtDS IT Shegetsthebenefitof yourmanliness,knowledge,powerand money. Stte learns about the world and what makesit really work. you get the benefit of her beauty, aliveness and You learnhow to enjoylife again,how to live right femaleness. here, right now. It is a goodtradefor you bothbut it cannotlast acrosstime. Three months, a year, perhapstwo but longer is just not possible,shechangesso quickly. Two yearswith you is the sirmeas eight yearswithout you. lf she's 19 when you begin, by the time she's 2L she knows more abouteverythingthan any wornanof 31 who marriedher high schoolboyfriend at 20 and lastedsevenyears. And, she knows more than 27 yeat olds who nevermarried. In five months with you she learns more about the male universethanshecanwith boysirt five years.A 20 yeatold will view and understandyoung malesbetter than a qpical, never married25 yearold. Her perspectiveon life, sex and what's morally right is
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changedby her relationshipwith you. You gentlygether to look attheworld differently.Shelosesher constrictedview of what's possible. She thinl$ after only a few monthsshe's a real woman, a CosmoGirl, capableof movingin the world of adultmalesand handlingherself.Armed with what she'slearnedfrom you she wantsto go out and explore,alone.She'stastedthe forbidden fruit and wantsto "eat the whole thing." You openher eyesto The Joy of Sex. Shediscoversit's not bad, immoral or wrong. It's wonderful.Shewantsto make it with someboysotherthanJimmyjust for fun. She'll lie to you aboutall of it, thendropyou because shefeelsguilty. Or, you'll figure it out andbe so hurt you'll drop her. If you survive that, a few monthslater she rcalizesmen are much more fun than boys and seesthem in a new light. Soon shewantsto try anothermanto find out if they're all the sirme. She'snot nearly as afraid of them as sheusedto be way back six monthsagowhenshefinally spentthe nightwith you. She'll want to seeif shecan controlone now that she "knows" what she's doing. Plus, with her new found power she wants to competefor men, againstwomen,just for the pure hell of it. Shewill. She'llfuck him goodon thefirst date.If he'snotcontrollable he'll treat her half as nice as you do, ratherdid, and keepher onhis string.He getseverythingyouworkedsoharddeveloping. Jesus,doesthathurt. What a pisser.If he's controllableshe'll keephim andyou on a string, alongwith Jimmy. It's the same aswith boys,she'lllie aboutit all. But you two will be finished. Jimmy'll find out abouther new man or you and drop her. Thenshe'llgo afterJimmywith everythingshe'sgot. Or, you'll realizeshe'sgot a manandyour crushedegowill makeyou drop her. Or, she'll feel so guilty shedropsyou andkeepsher new man.He's moreexcitingandbesides,heneverknewaboutyou. Whenthingsgo wrong out therein the real world she'll call and attemptto re-establisha relationshipwith you. It's your choice.I did once,neveragain.Whenthat affair re-endedI felt like the biggestfool sinceWalter Mondale. All goodthingsmustend,just as all relationshipswith other
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femalesbefore her did. The end must be acceptedgracefully, or any other way, but it must be accepted. suicidalwhenmytwoyearaffairwithCarla I wasdangerously ended.Nothirg, I meannothing in my entire life crushedme asthat did. Not my fatherrotting awayfrom cancerfor months beforemy eyes.Not my divorce from my secondwife I loved beyondeveryonebut Carla. After horrible weeks of grievitrg, followed by days of expressingmy fears,doubts,insecurity,ffid the worst, feelings to a good friend, I realizd this too, of mid-life hopelessness, shallpass.It did. In threemonthsI was right back at it again with Tina, lovely, lovely 19 year old Tina. The endrngis one of the Disadvantages.There are more.
Everythinghos its disadvantages. WORLDLYW$E GRAI.IDMA, of the author
Takewhat you want ard pay for it, sayethfud.
SPANISH PROVERB
Disadvontoges combined At20, sheis a very earlyadult,very lateadolescent in one headand one heart. ADOLESCENT: unpleasant,confused,wild mood swings, insistent, imprudent, know it all, rude, irresponsible,easily bored, sporadic, inconsistent, indiscreet, impudent, apathetic, unfocused, restless, disorganized,reckless,obstinate,in@nsiderate,scatterbrained,e)ttretre, garish,preoccupied,thoughtless,awkward.
She'sthree to ten yearsaway from being a woman. Got it? You cannottakeyour younglover to any companyfunctions. That's rubbing their noses in it. Do not create enemies unnecessarily.Shewill do that unwittingly when you take her anywhere,especiallyamongfriends. Thereis a price for havinga younglover. I don't mind paylng it. I don't think you will either, after you get over the shockof how your *friends' and othersbehave. MEN GET IIARD ON'S Male acquaintances and friends, of dl ages,judge her as a personwith no principles for dating someoneyour x5e, thus considerher 'fair game.' They try to cut in, friend or not, seeingonly a pieceof meatand a pieceof assfor themselves. Someof the marriedguyswon't makeanymoveson her, but will attemptsabotage,not wantingyou to be happy.They don't
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want to admit they're unhappyor don't have the balls to get divorcedand do what you're doing, living life, enjoyingthe beautyof youth. The husbandof a womanfriend andI wereplayingbackgammon in a bar. f was working on a youngcocktailwaitress.As the eveningwore on sheagreedto havea drink with me when shegot off. Five minutesafter shejoined us he begantrying to mewith snideremarksaboutdatinggirls half my age, embarrass exaggeratedstoriesof my behaviorunder the influence,all in 'We had a loud talk in the men's room. the pretextof humor. Divorcedguyswill one-upyou with talk of motrey,theirjob titles, their trip to Paris,andso on, thentry to movein, hoping that'show you got her to dateyou. Whensheshutsthemdown, they'll makean effort to destroyyour relationship.It's always the enviousones,the oneswho arefat, wearingpolyester,with no chanceto date anyoneunder 40 unlessthey buy her. They don't want to put in the effort and time neededto becomean attractiveman. Believeme, they're trying to ruin everything, evenwhen it appearsinnocent. WOMEN GET HOSTILE I've beenliving with, marriedto, of datingyoungwomenfor 16 years.As my long term femalefriendsnear30, they make catty remarks or get downright hostile to my young date or currentlover. ThesearepeopleI've countedasloyal, trustworthy, dependablefriends since 1970. They go back to being perfectlynormal whenI'm alone.I've had to call them all on it, after the fact of course. Not oneof them realizedshewasbeingso cuntly.They were and apologizedprofusely.Christ, even stunned,embarrassed a 24 year old friend of five years,behavedlike an alley cat towardan 18 year old date.Phisssst,hissss!Ree-ooow! TAKE WII.AT YOU WAf.lT AI\D PAY FOR IT All you needto knowis othermendon't wantyou to succeed, especiatlyif they are marriedor living with someolle.Friendship?Loyalty?Don't counton that stoppingany of your older malefriends.Theywantto fuck her in theass.Further,you only needto know everyfemale'senviousandjealousof your young lover, startingwith the ex-wife andendingwith your secretary.
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If you prefer kissingyour young lover's pink, erectnipples to suckinghmp, 38 year old, brown ones,just to get one half way up, acceptwhat your ex says.You're neurotic, trying to prove your rnasculinityto yourself and the world. If you prefer your young lover who comesafter only a few intenseminutesof clit kissingto a womanwho only beginsto get wet after ten minutesof everythingyou can dreamup, live with your ftiends telling you to grow up and act your age. If you prefer holding handswith your young lover, sitting in front of the fireplaceto sitting in the kitchen while a 37 year old divorceeragson andon aboutwhat a shit her supervisoris, suck it up and survive the gossipaboutyou. If you prefer watching your young lover's flat, smooth stomachtensewhile driving it home, to looking at a flabby, belly wobblewhile you try to stayhard, tolerate stretch-marked society'sjudgementof you as a Middle Aged Crazy. If you prefer, asI do, to watchfootballall day Sundaywhile your younglover "doesher thing" somewhere else,to a Sunday outing with a divorcedmother and her two childrer, yield to "their' wisdom.Your prioritiesare all screwedup. If you preferbeingacceptedandrespectedfor who andwhat you are by your young lover, to being ridiculed and put down by *successful' 40 year old womenwho comparethemselves to you, powerthroughandacceptit. You're a "failure.' Then again,you could confrontthem all and say "I happen to like energetic,optimistic, non-ball busting femaleswith sparklingeyes,shinyhair, smoothclearskin, stronghandsand anns, well kept nails, perky tits, flat stomachs,tight vaginas, firm asses,who enjoyme andappreciateffie, who don't try to own ffie, and on and on and o[, and on.' I wouldn't adviseit unlessyou'd enjoy looking over your shoulderfor the next few years.Don't messwith the carefully constructedself imagesandpseudoself esteemsof others.It's to not importantthey understandyou. There are disadvantages everything.Makeyour choice,ild live with it. Let them*live" with the choicethey've made. OTHER DISN)VAI{TAGES There is no long term tranquility. Her life is full of major "life-or-death' situations.Most of themare causedby her lack
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thusabilityto solveeverydxy,lifeproblemslike of experience, a carthatwon't start,a back-stabbing co-worket,Lmanipulative brother,an incorrectphonebill or a periodthat'stwo dayslate. Any oneof thesethrowsher whole life, andyour affair, into a turmoil for three or four days.When two happenwithin 24 hours, she reacts like you would if the Division Manager your company'smovingto Dumbfuck,Nebraska.A announces fight with her roommateover whose turn it is to clean the bathroomis asdisruptingto her asa tentativediagnosisof colon canceris to you. Her 6-6, 235poundboyfriendmay breakyour facewhenhe findsout. You'veheardhow she'lldropyou like a rock for Mr. Rite or to reduce Shitly's spenn count to zero when he "apologizes"with tears.Don't forgetit. The greeneyedmonsterlivesin theheartsof youth.Getused to it. Shewantsyou to bejealous.It meansyou genuinelycare for her and are seriousaboutthe affair. Oncein awhile I put on a showif wordsdon't convinceher. Onceit wasn'ta show. I felt jealousrage and behavedlike a fool. I didn't whip up "Don's RecipeFor Trouble" out of thin air, you know. Feastor famine is reality when limiting yourself to young women. There are times I can't get a datefor weekson end, and there are weeksmy dick hurts from so much grand sex. natures. None,savetheirwhimsical,unpredictable Explanation? Now andthenyou'll feel like you arethe dumbestasson the planet.It happenswhenyou realizeshe'sa gold digger,a penis collectoror just a touristlookingat the curiousolderman.I've met these types and never realized it until a month into the relationship.Not thatI mind beinga sexobjectyou understand, it's just that I feel so damnedstupidI didn't know it from the begiruring. You've readthis severaltimesbeforebut I'm going to tell you again.Acrosstime shechangesandexpectstoo much.Time changesher. Experiencechangesher. Knowledgechangesher. Money changesher. You changeher. It can't be helpedbut it's the biggestdisadvantage. Okay, it's time to go. A few more pagesand you're outta here,Jack.On your way to losethat gut, makeyoungfriends, 'causeyou're gonnaget old, changeeverythingandstartliving, thendie.
Wlw annng us is sman erwughto leant
Irom the mistakesof othcrs? VOLTAIRE
Doing thesunc thing overand over, differentresuhs, expecting is thedSnition of crary. I.'NKNOWN WISE PERSON
ClosingAdvice IVhen I got divorcedsiqglemale andfemalefriends from 19 to 45 tried to help as I attemptedto date young women. The most they could do was give an opinion on what I had done wrong, time aftertime. Theydidn't haveany sure-firemethods, neitherdo I. My mistakesand what I've learnedfrom them are here for you to learnfrom. What weremy biggest?Numberone: trying to dateyoungwomenbeforeI wasready. Nurnbertwo: wanting the impossiblefrom them. Nunrberthree:being too straightforward. Number four: being too nice. Number five: not understanding the difference between a married sport fuck and a potentialhusband. If you quickly adopt the philosophy I eventually adopted, everything will be far less pairrful: "I will learn from my mistakes.' I know two you'll make.In the beginningyou'll be so hot to datea young wonranyou will comeon too strongand scareher or be so accommodatingit will disgusther. After you ruin it, think aboutit, whenyou're donewhipping yourself of course. [,ook the sinrationover from her vantage point. Re,playeverythingfrom the beginning, includethe final scene.Think, think, think. oHow did sheperceivethat?tilhat could I havedone insteadof what I did?"
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It took threeyearsafter my divorce for me to becomeadept at meetinganddatingyoungwomen.Don't expectto be going out with the Playmateof the Month becauseyou havea how-to book. A few yearsfrom now, afterthreeyounglovers,you will easilymeet,talk with and dateyoungwomen. It's necessaryto fail. Like learning to ski, falling down teachesyou whatwon't work. Acceptit. You're gonnablow it time and time again.That's necessarywhen learningany new skill andbelieveme, makingyourselfinterestingandattractive to youngerwomenis a skill. Learningtakestime andpatience.All projectshavea wheel at thebeginning.Whenyou havenothingto show spinningphase for monthsof effort exceptan empty wallet and a neck full of frustration,keepin mindthat'snormal.Don't quit, at leastdon't quit for long. I gave up often, once for three months.Thinking back, I realizeI hadto quit whenI did. I wasdoingthe samethingsover andover, expectingdifferentresults.Justlike the quoteabove, crary. But I alwaystried againbecauseI believed,and always will, they are the best femaleson the planet.Having a young lover is exhilaratitrg,not easy. IT'S WORTH IT AI\D SO IS SIIE Nothing is betterthan spendinga long eveningmaking love with a youngwomanyou caredeeplyfor, wakingup with her, making love again, arriving at the office, walking acrossthe parking lot with a full heartand an emptyscrotum.Nothing in my life hasfelt betteror beenmore fulfilling. Nothing. My fondest memories are, and always shall be, of the nightswith daysandendless wonderful,soft,life-filledmatchless my darling Carla. It was worth everytear, everyheartrrpping lie. I'LL IIA\M MY MEMORIES Way back there on page one I talked about my memory getting triggeredby a large breasted,black attendantat the Golden Years RetirementVilla. When that happens,I hope there'sno stoppingold memoriesfrom floodingmy awareness. After smiling and drooling over Genette I want to cry bittersweet,old man'stearsrememberingthehappiestafternoon of my life. It wits simple,yet miraculous.
ClosinsAdvice
19I
By the s€, watching the sun go down, nran and young wonnn. We didn't speak,didn't touch, didn't kiss, didn't even look at eachother,just satthere,part of theuniverse.Happiness swelledwithinme. I becameuncomfortable,not recognizingthe emotion. It grew, becameundeniable.I softened,allowed life andjoy to overcomeme. Alive! Me! I was alive, truly dive. A livitrg, breathing,happy humanbeing, genuinely,perfectly happy. Not pleasd, not satisfied,not content.Happy, simply happy. After a few minutesI coulds&y,*Carla,Gd, I'm sohappy.' Shesmiled and took my hand. Christ, in 30 yearsI hopeI canstill feel, like I cannow, her lips pressedagainstmy hand in tender reassurance when she noticedtearstrickling from my eyes,lls I watchedour earth's sun, slip sadlyaway. It was worth everythingto have that momentwith her. To know, to understand,to accept,to feel what it's really like to be alive. Never before, yet I hope somedayagain, to feel happinessthat complete.I know now, it is possible. Oh,thosewere thedoys,myfriend.Wethougluthey'd nevererrd. We'd singanddance. . , They do end, unforilnately. They begin anew, if you don't quit. PARTINGSM You won't have an affair with very nnny, at least not just like women. Somewill like you but you percentage-wise, won't like them, and vice versa,just like women. You'll fall in love andonceor twice your love will be retuffiod,for a time, just like women. Overall it's not much different, just far, far, far more exciting, exacerbating,exhilarating, exhausting, expensive,explosiveand yes, far more exquisite. During your affair she can, and will, change direction dramatically in less than two week's time. You will be the innocentbystanderstruckby her careeningtruck of life. Always keep your circle of young friends intact. When the tire tracks acrossyour chesthave disappearedyou can start again. Young women are sent by the gods to test you ys, but to keepyou hurnbleas well. Whenyou endup sitting acrossfrom
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DreamCoedat thatweddingreceptiondinner,try to remember, "ft's just a game." EvenJerryWest,the greatestclutchplayer of all time, misseda few whenit was all on the line. You haveto be the aggressor. Shewill not cometo you. Get out there and find her, meether and talk with her. It's all up to you, everything.Don't forgetwhatLombardisaid,"There's no suchthing as luck, only preparationmeetingopportunity." BODY LAI\GUAGE SECRBTS A Guide During CourtshipAnd Dating In all editionsof HTDYw,I emphasize the crucialimportance of body language.Other books on this topic suck! to put it mildly. So, over the pastfive years,I wrote my own. As with everythingfrom SteelBalls Press,it's absolutely guaranteed moneyback no questionsasked.Here's what one said. reviewer Steele has written the benchmark book on courtship body language. Nothing else comes close. Money well spent. TOM FRENCH, MIAMI IIERALD
This book helpsyou find, meet,talk with and datethe right kind of woman. I tell you honestlyand bluntly how you can makethe right impressionanda havebig impactat everysocial gathering.50 photosplus provenmethodsandpracticaladvice let you know whatto look for, aswell aswhatto watchout for! Learn how you can tell from acrossthe room if she's interestedby her gesturesandthe way shechangesher posture. During conversation,find out if she'sonly beingpolite or if she'ssincerelyinterestedin you. Pay attentionto what she'ssayingwithoulwords.Don't get a wornanwho is not interested.Here shotdownby approaching are some signs of interestsent from acrossthe room. The sequenceof the list approximatesthe courtshipsequence. I'M INTERESTED Sidelongglance(s) Looks at you a few times Holds your gue briefly Downcast eyes, then away Posturechangesto alert Preens, adjustshair, attire Turns body toward you
DON'T BOTIMR ME Never sneaksa peek Fleeting eye contact l,ooks away quickly l.ooks away, eyes level Posture unchanged Does no preening Turns body away
ClosingAdvice Tilts head Matches your posture Smiles Eyes sparkle Licks her lips Thrusts breastsslightly
Head remains vertical Postureunchanged Neutral, polite face Normal or dull eyes Keepsmouth closed Sagsto de-emphasizebreasts
From Across The Room. In thefirst photo, she loolcsat the mnn she wants with a slight smile on her face. Notice that her wine glass is not directly infront of her as a barrier. Also notice that her empty hand is relaxed on her lap. In the secondphoto, she has looked at him again. Note that she lns removed her qe glasses (barrier) and has barely tilted her head. Her smile is slightly bigger. In the third photo, she has put her wine glass and her qe glassesdown. Her posture lms shiftedfrom relaxed to erect and ready. She has turned so tlnt her breastsface the nutn directly. Notice the open hand on her lap and uncrossed legs with feet flat onthefloor, signsof opennessandreadine.ss.Finnlly, notice she is preening by checking her earring.
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In Summary.Frequencyof eyecontact,the more the better. Amountof time sheholdsyour gura,the longerthe better.How shebreaksoff eye contact,down beforeaway is great! Shineof the eyes,the brighterthe better.Directionof body, towardyou is good. Overallposture,erectand alert are good. Tilt of head,verticalis bad. Where drink is held, in front as a barrier is bad. Hand activity, clenched,squeezingor pinching is bad, but open, caressingor strokingis great. Preening,any adjustingor checkingofjewelry is good.Also fluffing up her hair or straighteningher attire is good. Get this book! It givesyou that confidence-building edgeyou needas you starton this adventure.Later, with experienceand the self assurance that comeswith your success,you'll be able to skip muchof the preliminarybullshit! $24 postpaid. OFFICE POLITICS The [YoungJ Woman'sGui"deTo Beat The System I guaranteethis to be a fool-proof conversationstarteranywhere. Better, it's the perfectmeansto makeher think about you when you're not around.And betteryet, sheseesyou its a guy she can learn somethingfrom. You just discoveredthe importanceof this in Talk With Her. Write your nameandaddresson the insidecover.Stickyour i nter esti ng conversation-startingbusi ness cardbetweenthepages as a bookmark.When the opporhrnityarises,lend it to her. Now, shehasyour office andhomephoneplus knowswhere you live. Shemay drive by and *accidentally"bump into you. Or, you might experiencean unusualfeeling that she "was nearbythe other day.' (SeeUpdntedHelpfal Hints.) Many guys give it as a gift to get her attentior, then move on up the courtshipladder! Non-committalbut personal.As a gift it says, without words, uYou're smart. I like you." Dynamite!$24 postpaidvia priority mail. DON'S I,JPDATE On page191I said,*. . . theybeginanew,if you don't quit." After Carlac:rmeTina 19, Betsy19, thenMartha?A,who was so responsiblein comparison.Next was Sue, 28. We madeit for over a year with no grief of any kind. Humrnm?Perhaps this is better?Then cameAnn, 26. We lastedfour years!
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It wasJune.Every afternoonI wentto Bob'sBig Boy to cool off with a Diet Cokeandthe sportspage.I was53 andthought I had quit foreveruntil my waitress,Joanna , 19,bentway over to wipeoff thetablebesideme - Jeezeeus wlwt buru! Six weeks later,lunch.Two monthslater,insanelyin love.Now, five years later, we're happilymarried!
From page45, There The moral?Don't quit. The message? aref*v, if any, accidents.Six monthsinto it, Joannaconfessed that shehad bent over to get my attention. Gentlemetr,I love Joannamorethanlife, morethanall others really mearui.That alone, combined.We areone,whatoneness has madeeverythingyou've read aboutworth the effort! Our
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commiffd, d*p, abidinglove makeslife's strugglea joy when it's easy,andendurablewhenmisforhrnestrikes,asit does.She is the one I was looking for when I set out on this questway back in '82. Somedxy,may you find your Joanna! LTPDATE1997-1998 So many guys, more than 4000, havewritten sinceHTDw wasfirst published.Over400 haveattendeda seminarand 1000 plus havebenefittedfrom counseling. Guys who write usually always ask one or more of these: What haveyou learnedsince 1987?What other bookshaveyou written? What elsedo you sell? AT]DIO TAPE SET To solve the problemsof more than half of my readers,I developedthreegO-minutecassettes.During the first hour and a half, I sharewhat I've learnedthe hard way since L987.I talk candidlyaboutmy successes andfuck-upsaswell assomethings I've changedmy mind about such as losing weight through chemistryand using singlesadsto find a date. I answerconrmonquestionsfrom the letters I've received over the years.Therearesomenew methodsI developed.And, I expandon a few finer pointsthatsomereadershavehadtrouble gettingright. On the next two tapes, for three hours, I reinforce your knowledgeasI entertainyou! To createthesetwo tapes,I edited the best of my radio interviewsinto an exciting, easyway to master the key points. Fundamentalsare amplified. Crucial pointsare reiterated.Humor is rampant. The tapes are fun to listen to. It's an effortlessway to reinforce,throughrepetition,the principlesyou must learn. Your ultimategoal- don'tmakeit happer,let ithappen.Play thesetapesover and over asyou drive back andforth to work. Intensifyyour understanding asyou strengthenyour knowledge. Don't wastethat commutetime! If you liked my senseof humor in this book, I guarantee you'll love thesetapes!Four and one-halfhours of me at my best! Only $39 postpaidvia priority rnail. JustDo It!
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2-HOUR VIDEODON SIEELE veniusiTV SHOW HOSTS Plus! Body Langwge From Seminars WatchmebattleJennyJones,Jane\ilhitney, MontelWilliams and the ball bustersin their audiences.Everybodyloves this! Me too! After the shows,I addedhomevideo from my seminarson body language.The basicsarecoveredso you're preparedto noticethe signalsshe'ssendingyou. JennyJonesattemptsto ambushmebecause I'm a TV virgin. But, I manageto get in manykey points,andsomeof the finer points,in spiteof the bitch. After losing my TV cherry, I was on with JaneWhitney. During this show, I generatesupportfrom a few of the better looking young women!I explainhow, who and why as I give my views and ideas. By the time I madeit to MontelWilliams,I hadfiguredout TV's con gitme.The hosts,in cahootswith paid shills in the audience,bashmale guestsbecausehousewives watchingTV arepissedoff at their husbands or ex-husbands. I'm ready as I lay in wait for the angry, middle-Age,ugly ball bustersto stepinto my trap! You'll enjoyit!! With eachshow, you learn more aboutwhy young women are the best and more abouthow to find, meet, talk with and datethem. Plus, 8s you watchme handlethe loadedquestions and the enragedwomenin the audience,you'll becomemore confidentaboutdealingwith thesametypeof crap.$z4postpaid. DRESS FOR SUCCESSWITH YOI'NG WOMEN Body l-anguageSecrets;Peopleform 90 percentof their opinionaboutyou in thefirst 90 seconds. Nonverbalsignalshave five timesmore impactthanverbalsignals.In particular,your appearance communicates. Thewayyouaredressed dictateshow othersrespondto you. So what?you say.Get this video! Body LanguageAnd DressFor Success2-Hour Video Joannais spectacular!Frank! Funny! Bold! Honest! We capturedeverythingby tapingwith two camerastheentiretime. We shotit beforea largegroupof guyswho ownBodyLanguage Secretsas well as How To Date YoungWomen. Joanna,volunteersandI demonstrate key signsof interestand
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disinterest,from acrossthe room and when engagedin verbal intercourse.Emphasisis placedon how subtlesomesignalsare, aswell ashow to tell which oneis a RapoPlayerandwhich one is a genuinehumanbeing! Joannapresentsher views on no no's, hair, teeth and any subjectthe guyswantedto hearabout.Sherangesfrom sexwith a youngwomanthroughtoupees,SUVs,pickuptrucks,t-shirts, jeans, sideburns,music, hair dyes, long hair, sports cars, earrings,Dockers,penny loafers, and on and on. Extremely informativeas well as fun and entertaining. You get a 9O-minuteaudiocassetteof the highlightsforfree! Watchthe video! Slamin the audiotapewhile you drive. I am a firm believer in REPETITION as the key to learning this indispensable skill of courtshipand dating. Seeit. Listento it. Understand it. RETAIN it. Watchit again. Make notes.Listento it again.Readthe book again.Within a few weeks,theentiresubjectis burnedintoyourmemory.Ther, when you are sitting in a cafe doing Body LangungeSecrets homework(watchingcouplesandnotlisteningtothewords)your storehouseof information is readily available.BAM! body languagebecomessomethingyou speak, read, transmit and receive!Of course,you aredressedfor successthe entiretime. $39 postpaidvia priority mail.
VolumeII Advonced Skills After L2 moreyearsof learningthe hardrvay,R. Don Steele returns!Tightenyour jock! Readhis brutallyhonestanswersto questionsand what-if scenariosfrom more than 6000 readers. Stir in theresultsof 32 seminars,over 1000counselingsessions, 274 radio interviewsand4 nationalTV appearances andyou're in for an exhilaratingexperience. Realisticmethodsandsoundadvicefrom a guy who hasbeen at this sincehe was 321Now 58, andmarried,yes, married,to JoanndBardotLopez,24, Steeleforcefullyexpandshis kickass, no-nonsense approach.He hasincludeda lengthychapter,For Married Men Over 35! 352 pageslong! comparedwith the RevisedEdition's208!
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LENGTHYEXCERPTS Nature, to be commnnded,mustbe obqed. FRANCISBACON T597
VW ShePicks You You areat a crowdedparty on Saturdaynight at a sprawling, expensivehome in the hills. Peoplefrom all walks of life are here.The crowd rangesin agefrom 12 to'18. The occasionis the host's annualSummerSolsticeparty. Imaginea 27 year old, naturalblonde,about5 feet 5 inches tall, weighing I20 lean, meanpoundswith C cups,baby blue 'We all agreethat eyes,perfectwhite teethand an IQ of 140. 10. .2 a scale of she'sa solid9 on She'swearinga fire-enginered sheathdressaboutfour inches below her knees.It is split up the back to about four inches aboveher knees. Her hair is long andwavy. She'sstandingby the kitchensirrk looking leaningagainstthecountersippinga glassof champagne over the party guestsas they samplethe hors d'oeuvres. brother, She'sneverbeenmarriedbut RandyRedPorsche's two years DannyManly, a firem&r, broke off their engagement ago. For the past few monthsshe'sbeencasuallydating a 32 year old guy who is worth abouta half a million. He usesher asan ann charm.Shealsoseesa28 yearold surf bumwho lives half a block from her apartment.He's a constructionworker when he needsmoney.He could take her or leaveher. She makes $32k as a Contract Administrator for a big company. Shegivesyou the quick onceover, then looks away.A few minuteslater, you seeher studyingyou out of the cornerof her eye. Knowingwhatyou do abouther, whatdo you think shewants from you?How will you haveto comeacrosswhenyou talk with her?Doesshewant you to tell her shehasbeautifulhair?Who is your competition?What doeshe havethat you don't have? What do you havethat shewants? You notice a 24 year old brunettelaughing loudly in the dining room. She's5 feet 3 incheswith extremelyshort hair.
HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN
Tight jeans reveal a set of hips like Marilyn Monroe. She's bralessunderher cottont-shirt, packinga pair of 34 B's. We'd all sayshe'sa 7.8 looks-wise.Her IQ is about115. Two yearsago shemovedto LA from Minnesotaafter she brokeup with her collegeboyfriend.Sheworksfor aninsurance companypushingpaper,making$23k. Shehad a 25 year old boyfriend for six monthsbut he treatedher like shit. A month agoshegot up to courageto moveout. Sheliveswith two other young women. She holds your glance, smiles, looks down before returning to the conversation with two college guys. Knowing what you do about her, what do you think she wants from you? How will you have to come acrosswhen you talk with her? Does she want you to glance at her bralesstits? Who else wants her? What doeshe have that you don't have?What do you have that she wants?
BEAUTY CHOOSES Do you think eitherof thesetwo youngwomenlikespot
bellies?How 'bout a few strandsof hair combedover bald heads? My point?It is within the power of your commonsenseto make sure that you are NOT in the no chance,Jack category of good-lookingwomen. Desirablewomenchoosethe men they want, not the other way 'round.Whata desirablewomanfindsalluringis up to her. You must be what shewants. VALI'ES AI{D GOALS PLUS hIEEDS Dependingon her ageand history of good and bad times at the handsof men, beginningwith Daddy, she has an overall agenda.The youngonesmusthavea boyfriendaboveall else. If she's a divorcedmotherof 28, she is looking for stability, if possible.When she's 34, divorcedwith no children,she's looking for somethingentirely different. A woman makeschoicesbecauseof what she believesin, where shewantsto endup and what's lacking in her life. Her decisionalso dependson which hormonesare dominatingher brain chemistrythatd"y, ornight! It's a contradictory,jumbled, constantly-in-fluxset of priorities that serveas the standardby which shedeterminesyour worthiness.
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A womandoesnot sit down ard rationally dcide where she is andwhereshewantsto go whenshetakesan older lover. She just doesit. Of the victorious maleswho court her, she selectsthe man shefinds the most desirable.More in a few pages. The choice a wonnn makeshas much to do with where we all camefrom 60 million yearsago. WHY BEFORE HOW If you know why somethinghappens,You can learn how to control what happens.The quotemy Grandpaused when he taught me this lessonwas, *The nran who knows how will always have a job. But the ilran who knows why, will be his boss." The next chapterexplainsthe why. AUTHOR COMMENTS I have receivedover 4000 lettersfrom guys. In September of 1997,my newsletter,Men Of SteelBalls,beganpublication as well as being postedon the internet.Over 2200 guys have emailedme with their feedbackand questionssincethen! This book is a combinationof what guys have askedabout and what I havelearnedthe hard way since L987.
Table of Contents Why ShePicks You Sex Is NumberFour Summary UnderstandWomen No More Mr. Nice Guy Get Out Of Your Rut IncreaseYour Confidence SuccessAnd MistakesTeach PolishYour Skills Where They Are How To Pick Up Girls? Start At The Top Angry fuid WhackoWomen Meeting Twelve StepProgram Body I-anguageElaboration DressFor Success
1 5 12 23 3l 45 54 62 87 99 t16
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PhoneAdvice AIDS Absurdity Sex Children? Let's JustBe Friends Dating Weight Control RandomTopics DeathAnd Divorce End Of Inve Seduction HuntersNot Gatherers Reality Check UpdatedHelpful Hints Married Men Over 35 Books Recommended Key Points
188 r97 204 213 2t7 219
24r 246 259 265 279 287 292 297 309 319 327
SUCCESSWITH YOI]NG WOMBN-I{EW VIDEO July '99, we heldanall dayworkshopfocusedon thedictum, The ClothesMake The Man. Four youngwomenevaluated20 guys in writing anonymouslyusing a seriesof specialforms shownon page I87. Theyjudgedtheman'soverallappearance, style,andtasteplushis radianceof TheRightAttitude.Theguys were standitrg,walking, sitting, introducingthemselvesand talking with the young women. We beganwearingJohnMolloy's businessoutfit. At noor, began everyonechangedintocasualpartyattire.Theevaluations again.The mentried on threedifferentcolognes.The women's reactionto eachscentwas secretlywritten on a sheettapedto backof his chair. A lengthypanelsessionfeaturingtheyoungwomenanswering any and all questionsfrom the men, ranging from views on prostitutesto argylesocksandtattoos.Mostly,menwantedclear, concisefeedbackon how andwhat to improve.They got it! gainweight,bemoreexcitedabout Honest,franksuggestions: in, way shorterhaircut,tell meaboutyouyou're interested what don't askaboutffie, stopwearing70sshirts,whentalking with me-don'tbe so controlled,burn that polyesterjacket, lose 30 pounds,get contacts,longersideburns,andmuch,muchmore. The final eventof the day was a party until midnight in our
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backyardwhereJoannagaveindividual,customizedsuggestions to any guy who askedon any subject.The guysheardher views on rock and roll, psychotherapy,wine, suntans, hairstyle changes,unbuttoningshirts, rild on and on into the night. On their way out the door aftertheparty, eachguy wttsgiven 'We wantd themto not bug Joannaor Don his packetof forms. about what do you think this meansor why did she say that about this? They signed up to get brutally honest feedback anonymously.They got it. Relatedfootagefromotherseminarsandsomeof Don'spublic lectureswill be added. This 2-hourvideo (price to be determined)will not be ready until March 2000. Write for price and availability,please. A&E TAPES JOAI\NA AI{D DON.I{EW VIDEO October '99, the Arts and EntertainmentChannelcame to Whittier and tapedJoannaand Don. They beganat noon and endedat 10 PM! During early negotiationson what the shootwas about, the producersaidhe legallycouldnot give us his footage.We had two of Don's fanstapewhatevertheA&E crew shot.No matter where we went, thoseguys got it on tape. A&E beganby interviewingDon on camerafor anhour plus. Joannawas interviewedfor 20 minutes. Next, the producer wantedto capturea mini-seminar. Joannaand Don coachedthree guys who haveread Volume I. They did a bit of everything:body language,not wearing brown belts with blue slacks,manipulativewomen,answering leadingquestions,introducingyourself, revealingwho you are during conversationand on and on. Finally, we went to an art exhibitionandreceptionwherethe older threeguys interactedwith sevenyoung womenprovided by the producer.Afterwild, eachof the guys and someof the youngwomenwere interviewedon cameraaboutthe experience LOVE CHRONICLESbeginson A&E mid October'99. Our show is titled AgelessLove. It is an hour long, scheduledfor December,exactdateunknownat presstime. There are only M minutesof air time to cover 15 segmentsand ten different experts.We geta nril( of sevenminutes,intercutandjuxtaposed with contrary or complimentaryviews and subjects.
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This 2-hourvideo (priceto be determined)will not be ready until March 2000.Write for price and availability,please. CRESCENT PT]BSINTERVIEW Don talkswith Alex Patterson,ManagingEditor of Playgirl, Cheri, Hawk andLive YoungGirls. Get this tapeof the entire As alwsys,brutalhonesty.(Borun! interview,uncut,uncensored! Onehour of excerptsfrom Seminars,TV Shows,RadioShows!) angst.What happensto Dealing with their post-adolescent Why Steeletells themat25afterexposureto RandyRedPorsche. "You'll to only be able date 10 percent his readersthe truth: of them.This is not easy.You will notbe gettinglaid a few days " afterreadingmy books.It takestime,patienceandpersistence. Theidealyoungwomanfor a 40ishdivorcedguy. Why you have to be a Man. The foundationsof BodyLanguageSecretsthru his training by NathanielBranden.Why youngwomenare so subtleandhow to dealwith that. Mandatoryreviewof On Not BeingToo Nice. PHOI\E CONSI]LTING Most guyswho call areworkingon a youngwomanandthings aregettingintense.Havingblown it before,they don't want to blow thisonebeforeshe. . . So,theypause,stepbackanddon't chase.Ask questions.Getfeedback.My feefor one-timephone consultingis $50 per half hour. Sendyour checkwith the date andtime you'd like to talk. Includeyour day andeveningphone numbers.I'll call andconfirmor suggestan alternate. FREE NEWSLETTER! Men Of SteelBalls, Get a free three-monthsubscriptionby mail or for yearsvia email.Write or e-mail.Latesttechniques and tips, successstories,mistakeswith correctivemeasures Joannawrites a columnbasedon your questions, suggested. AnswersOnly A YoungWomanKnowsandgivestips on how With YoungWomell. to DressFor Success Don or Joannawill answerconcisequestionsby e-mail, or snail mail, if you enclosea SASE. Sendto SBP, Box 807, Whittier CA 90608. com e-mail
[email protected] website: http://steelballs.
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MEN OF STEEL BALI-S DISCUSSION GROTJP W Don hostsa FREE online discwsion group for any guy who owruithis book. [f you want to Get ReadyFor Her and develop The Right Attitude quickest, join immediately. Go to http://steelballs.somand look for the CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE ONLINE DISCUSSIONGROUP.Readthat websiteand sendthe requestedinfo. TIIE NIGHT ATTITADE IMPRO\MMENT WORI(SHOPS Don andJoanna,plus four moreyoungwomen,conducttwoday workshopseverysix monthsin LA. They focuson teaching you how to sit, stand, walk, dress, talk and act like L Man. Learnhow to assertyourself appropriately.What youngwomen honestlywant is malceclear to you. The next one is scheduld for January15-16,20(X).If you missit, write us to find out the datefor the next. Good 'luck.' R. Don Steele,rilhittier, California, October, L99g My daughter,Syndee,becamethe owner of SBP in April of 1999.All of the www improvements,newvideos,new seminars ile her ideas.If you have any thoughts,ideasor complaints, write to her at Box 807, tWhittierCA 90608.Or you can email her at syndee@steelballs.@m.
PLEASETURN THE PAGE FOR UPDATEDHELPFULHINTS
His toupeemnkehim look 20 yearssillier. BILL DANA
UpdatedHelpful Hints After thethird conversation, underanypretext,explainwhere you live and mentionthe address.*I live acrossfrom the McKenna's,you know that family who alwayshasparties." . . "Really?You don't knowtheMcKenna's.I thoughteveryone andOak Canon.I live across did, on the cornerof Descending the streetand down one house, 2910DescendingDrive." The nexttime you seeher say, "You know, a coupleof days ago,I hadthe weirdestfeelingyou werecloseby. Wereyou?" No matterwhather wordssay, scrutinizeher reactionto seeif she drove by. If she did, she's extremelyinterestedand was hopingto bumpintoyou aswell asappraisingyourneighborhood andhouse. By aSkitrg,you are saying,"I think aboutyou." An oblique exchangeof interestis the only way to fly, in the beginning. Acting classesatjunior or regularcollegesarefilled with the kind of young women who will date someoneyour age: tolerant non-conformist, extroverted,avantgarde,independent, Some crowd. the like act or or think of otherswho don't dress are all of this, plus they are stackedand knock outs. Get your tush into as a classtoday. You will get to readfor many partsjust becauseof your age. That meansyou get to interactwith youngwomenon an intimatelevel becauseacting requiresbeing emotional.Many wann-up and getting-in-touch exercisesrequire being nrlnerable, emotional and, tah da! physicalcontact!Dynamite! You're theonly man,with a capitalM. Shelikesyou because you do or don't have you're differentfrom thetioys,notbecause actingtalent. Different works.
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With any young wonran,in early @nversationsmentionyou like thesemovies.Add thatyour friendsconsideryou a romantic fool: esablanca, WutheringHeiglus,AficerAndA &rtleman, Enclwtted Cottage,@ne Wth The Wind, Ghost,SweptAway. Whenshe'sreadyto watchamovieat yourplace,insertSwept Away. Say it's a foreign film with sub-titlesyou haven't seen in years. Pour the champagne.Have a chilled bottle waiting. Servepopcornand snacks.Write to me with the results. If you don't havea femalefriend to take you shopping,buy your sizeof theentireoutfit(s)on mannequin(s) at upscalemen's stores.That includesthebelt, socksandshoes.Only do this after you talk with the young wonranwho works there to find out which outfits shelikes. Don't mix thepiecesbecauseever5rthrng must fit togethertastefully as it did on the mannequin. Get the latesteditionof Molloy's DressFor Success. Follow ' it religiously. If shedoesn'tlike champagne, get Asti Spumante.Cour her to take a sip by saying, "It tasteslike spumanteice crearn." Californiaspumanteis 12percent.Morebangfor thebuck. Bang away at her inhibitionswith the uriversal aphrodisiac. SEXT'AL FAVORS Many young womenwill forever adoreme becauseI introducedthemto vibrators. Timing is everything,aswith the rest of love, andlife. The seedsmustbe plantedin a oh-by-the-way rnanner.Here are the actualscenariosof some. BarbaraKristin (Aclotowledgements) and I were three hot weeksinto it. During pillow talk sheconfidedthat shehad only come once, at the hand of her boyfriend. In a sharingw&y, I saidmy ex-wifehada similar"sinratiotr,"addingcasually,*We solvedit by gettinga vibrator. If you want . . . I'll get one?' Three nights later shecameat leastfifty times. Wow! A few weeks later, she and her best friend were laughing about"Going out with Vic.' Later, I askedwho Vic wils. Barb whispered,*That's what Terri namedher vibrator. I got brave and told her aboutmine.' SueTsunoda-Carroll,28 and divorcd (quotedas the themc pageof thisbook)wasanengineer.Like manyin thatprofession, she was saddledwith a rigid reserye. After two weeks she revealedthat she had never comewith, or for, anybody.That
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night after sharing much universal aphrodisiac I declared I wanted to watch her masturbate, sincerely adding how hot it would make me. It took her 10 minutes of hard finger rubbing to come, but she was proud and so pleasedto have surrendered, finally. On the next date, with grand ceremotry, I gave her a giftwrapped vibrator with hand-written card, "Good for one free lesson.Love, Don. " On Sunday,shetook it home, "to practice." The next weeketrd,and for the next year that we were involved, she came every time, often three times a night. The advantagethat old farts like you and me have is that by being on the planet this long we can rcalize that it doesn't matter how she arrives, as long as she comes. The spiritual, mystical benefit is that she will never forget you, no matter what. In that sense,you'll live as long as she does! You owe your young woman! Do this for her becauseof what #she is doing for you-giving you a new leaseon life. htt your 1950smodel, male ego in the trash and enjoy her ecstacy. I]PDATED ABSOLUTE NO NO'S Pony tails, goatees,hiking boots, constructionworker shoes, flarurel shirts, grunge clothing . . In short, never anything trendy. Absolutely do not try to look young by wearing what the young wear or driVe, like Jeeps.
Sexpecfations Women Talk FranklyAbout SexAnd Dating I discovered a powerful new book and recommend it highly. It got a kickass review by PI'4WOY. You get strong reinforcement of the knowledge and understanding you've already developedfrom reading How To Date Young Womell. And, it will help you know the young woman's mind more clearly, with emphasison her values and goals. You will grasp firmly what she thinks and believes about sex and sexuality. It rings true with my 27 years of experience! Get it today. Ron Louis presentswomen's responsesto questionsall men want answers to. Unlike other all other "authors" who asked women what they want from a man, Louis got women to tell the truth! Everything they say corresponds exactly with my
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experience as a single man. Most powerfully, his sections on the ones we're interested in, Girls Next Door and the subject we're most interested in Romance and Dating are stunningly true, practical, useful and realistic! Sexpectationshelps you finetune what you learn from my books. PIAreOY, October 1997. Ron Louis interviewed women about their sexual and dating experiences. One bit of advice offered that rang true was the worst taboo was to be needy. Further, you don't build confidence by asking women out and working through rejections. Louis suggestsgoing to any place that truly interests you and women with similar interests will follow. You don't find women, they find you. R. Don Steelesays,Amen, brother. Letit happetr,don't make it happen! Ron Louis brings a unique male perspectiveto the interviews. His gritty and straightforwardstyle gets you women's practical advice to men on how to approach and succeedwith women. Prepare to be entertained and aroused, shocked and amused. Sexpectationswill open your eyes to the wide spectrum of women's sexual experiencesand desires. WARNING! I have gotten many complaints from guys who object to the frank descriptionsolder women use to explain what they like. If unusual or kinky turns you off, as it does ffie, do what I did andjust skim thoseparts.[Definitionof KINKY: what other people like that you don'tll There are very few books that are realistic and practical. This one is useful to older men learning how to date young women becauseit validates and vindicates what you have learned by reading How To Date Young Women Volumes I and II. Sexpectationsalso preparesyou for someof the older women that you will date as you gradually move down the age ladder. That is, it prepares you so that you won't show how shocked you are when a woman you've been dating for several months boldly proposes something you have never tried. Hey! I was shocked, stunned and amazed several times. It didn't kill me. I wish I had known that many older women like what I consider to be weird. My face probably wouldn't have looked so, uh, uh, pale?and, uh, uh, my eyesprobably wouldn't have, uh, bugged out so far?
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Threesome How to Make Your Favorite FantasyCome True Lori Gammon I havegottennothingbut ravesfrom the men, and women, boughtthis! I agree! This is the only book ever written that explainsexactlyhow to make your sexualdreamscometrue. If you can handlethe most powerful and dramaticchangeyou'll ever make in your sex life, keepreading. Lori Gammonusesherownintimatebi-sexualadvenftresover for this stepby stepguide. Shelays out a carefully craftedplan that makesit possiblefor both menand womento learn what it takesto enjoy a threesome. A man discovershow to delicately,and sensitivelyfan his until shebecomesa passionate, wife's or lover'ssecretpassions willing seducerof the womenneeded. Men and womenwill learn exactlywhat to say and when to sayit for maximumimpact.At the sametime, Lori preventsyou from usingwordsandactionsthat instantlysquelchdesire.You evenlearnhow to dressfor success! Womendiscoverhow to seducetheir girlfriends and female L,ori with no dangerof rejectionor embarrassment. acquaintances explains why shy women can't openly admit they want a that open threesome.Shethenrevealstactfulseductiontechniques desire. feminine eager floodgate of a bisexualwomenandwantthey Lori helpseveryoneunderstand want. Thus, everyonecanfollow her simple,expertadviceon moreappealingto bisexualwomen,the how to makethemselves womenall of us needto fulfill our favorite fantasy. Single men learn how to recruit bi-curious and bisexual women, one at a time, so a threesomecan be createdin the future. Lori explainshow guys,marriedor singlecanintroduce shy womento eachother. And of course,sheexplainshow a guy can tactfully broachthe subject,then explainhis desires, successfully! I've have never, ever found a book on relationshipsthat I could standbehinduntil this one camealong! The adviceringstrue andcoffespondswith my menagea trois
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experiences.Except for two, every young womanI datedfor more than a few monthsrevealedshe was bi-curious or had sexualencounterswith other young women. Threesomewas written by someonewho hasbeenthereand donethat for 15 years!Her chapterson seduction,alone, are worththepriceof thebook.You get232pagesof reality:how, who, when,where,why andwhatto do to arrangea threesome. It's like my books, factual, practical, realistic and basedon experience. Lori hascoveredall aspects,anticipatedyour questionsand has ways to keepyou from screwingup this grand adventure! Orderthis book!
A Man's Guide to Women This book hasbeensentto me by about50 readers!The first time I readit, I keptsaying,"Thesefucksrippedoff my book!" I'd look at the copyrightdateand s&y,"Nope!" I love it no matterhow geekyit is. The subtitletellsyou that, A ManualFor UnderstandingTheOppositeSex.No matter,it's full of usefuldataevenif it is only 80 pageslong andreadslike a TechManual.I'd betbig buckstheauthorsareaerospace Tech Writers. It's not entertaining.It is powerfullypracticalfor everyMan, especiallyguyswho are inexperienced or recentlydivorced. T]I\RECOMBOOI(S GuysoftenaskaboutRossJefferies.My reply: If you've seen him, you'vegotto knowhe'sa phony!Ugly, skinny,suspicious and repulsive. Sweatyhands, bitten riails, cornered-rateye movementsand body language.If you haven'tseenhim, he's a fast-talkingsnakeoil salesman who victimizeslonely, socially ineptmqn. He promisesthesedesperate, hopelessguysthat his $895seminarwill getthem.If thatdoesn'twork, hehasa $30@ seminar. PaulJeffreyRoss,his real narne,hasa "sure fire solution" that'snothing.Usedcarsalestalkandhlpno-psychobabble stolen from AnthonyRobbirn,the informercialparasitewho promises powerlesspeoplehe will makethempowerful. Paul Ross is a loser who couldn't get laid on Sunsetwith engravingsof Ben Franklinpastedall over himself.
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REAIIERSACNEE O A superb book, well worth the price! Page after page recount mistakes I made. After I followed your advice, what a difference! Ttranks. DOUGPAI"ASCHAK Ventura CA o You have made a signifrcant contribution to the mental health of every divorce, over 35 guy who is crary enough to want the best life has to offer. At 4L, I spent a glorious vacation in the tropics with a 23 year old as part of a torrid one-year affair. I am really grateful. EUCLID MEJIA, New York I\fY O I learned so much that I'm now dating a 25 year old and am making progress with a 22 year old at the local spa! I'm 42. Thanks sincerely. BARRYBOCCHIEN,TrentonNJ o I just turned 40 and am divorcing. Your book will save me years of pain and anguish as well as add years of pleasure, truth and beauty to my life. Thanks! DA\m FERGUSON,HonoluluHI o I am 43 and am currently cultivating a 2O and 23 year old while dating a 27 year old. Your book is better than my two older brothers combined. You opened my eyes to many possibilities and much that I never even considered before. TOM BILLOTTI, Massapequa M o I made every mistake you brought up, but you explain the whys, now I understand what I did wrong. It has been a valuable education that will continue, I'm srlre. WOLF P[WC, Union City CA o A book for adults, shockingly candid. It's for every man who has longed for the perfect beauty that is only embodied in a young woman. I've found that beauty! JOHN L. QUEL, BellinghamWA o Im 4L. I used techniques from (Jnd.erstand,Her, court Her and Th,e Rtsht Attituda I'm dating 26 year old Bettia and about to score with Motly, 19! Thanks a million, bro,! DOUGSMITH, W pat- BeachFL
TEI,EVISION SHOWS See Don Steeledo battle with the belligerent hosts and the ball bustersin their audiences: Montel Wlliarns fane Whitnq Jenny lones Now available!All three shows on a 2-hour tape. See information at back of book.
RAIIIOITITERVIEWS Listen as Don Steelereinforces key points made in the bookwhile heentertainsandinforms.Over 1.50including: John Gambling WOR Ken and Barklq KABC Danrry Bornduce WLUP Swan Bray WWDB David Gold IilIF Chnrles GoyetteI{TAR Tom Lqkis KFI Jay ThomnsKPWR Chnrlie Tunn KODJ Barry YoungKFW Larry Glick WDH Mike Pintek KDIU GwenFaulconer I{TOK SteveRwseU KFAN SebastianWCCC foe Bolnnnon WBBM CarolYnFox WHJY RandYMiller IGEQ SYNDICATED
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R. Don LtvE on the RADIo v 3o'HOUR GD body language,ofShow is live four days a week! Calll about Listento Don at crick fice poritics,sex, dressinganddatingr and follow speaker yellow http://steelballs.comthen click the at steelare shows w-eek's Last promptsabout which player. late from shows best the of balls.comlThis cD is a iollection only lt bucks! 2001 and early 2002.Thirty hours for only 30 prayson a computeror mpi. sorve common probleffrs,master ' the finer pointsof datingand what Steelehas tearnedthe hard Clickon it at steelballs.cll ^F:I way. Funnyand entertaining. neit day posrAcEpAtofirst classl Snail mail?Check$29.W to SBP,Box 807,WhittierCA 90608 i THE POWER SUIT aVideo CD! The most important principle of Steel Balls is: First you have to look like somebodyshe wants to talk with. [Trartslatiort: Somebod,ysh"ewants otL top of her.l THE POWER SUIT makes an Impact on her, not an impression! Don Steele shows you secret details of selecting, getting it tailored perfectly, and wearing The Power Suit with actual footageof the Titanium Babes from his The Right Attitude workshops.This Video CD plays on your DVD player or on computer. DO NOT ORDER UNTIL IT APPEARS for sale Estimated time of arrival 5/2003. at http://steelballs.com. FOUR ?-HOUR VIDEOS on sale! Not $236!Only $129 and video is the quickestway to "get it." {. The best video ever SFO Lrnnru/NcAruvrxBoov Lnruaunor ANDSrEEI 8,qlls Pruruc/plEs. Sold for $89! 2. A&E channel's Love ConnectionfeaturedDon and Joanna plus a mini-TRA workshopplus interviewexcerptswith Don and Jo. Sold for $59! 3. Best selling Boov Lnruounoe AND Dnrss Foa Success. 4. R. DoruvERSUsfy Tntx Suow Hosrs ANDlvrno ro BoDY LAN3UAGE. Eight hours of solid,practical,usefulinformation and entertainment!Go to amazon.comin ALL PRoDUcrssearch R, Don Sfee/e's IAPOSTROPHES] scroll downto Z-shop,choose"all 3s items."click FoUR 2-houror check $129to sBP, Box 807,whittiercA go6og
