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Quit Porn In 30 Days The No-Nonsense Guide to Ending Your Porn Use Forever and Regaining Your Self Esteem.
By Chris Haven
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Copyright Chris Haven, 2013 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical or electronic, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. Requests for permission or further information on usage of this document should be addressed to
[email protected]
Legal Notice The Purchaser or Reader of this publication assumes responsibility for the use of these materials and information. Adherence to all applicable laws and regulations, federal, state, and local, or any other jurisdiction is the sole responsibility of the Purchaser or Reader.
The Author and Publisher assume no responsibility or liability whatsoever on the behalf of any Purchaser or Reader of these materials. Any advice given in this publication does not replace the advice of a qualified medical professional.
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Table of Contents Understanding Porn Addiction..............................................................................................................11 Day 1.....................................................................................................................................................22 Day 2.....................................................................................................................................................23 Day 3.....................................................................................................................................................24 Day 4.....................................................................................................................................................25 Day 5.....................................................................................................................................................26 Day 6.....................................................................................................................................................27 Day 7.....................................................................................................................................................28 Day 8.....................................................................................................................................................29 Day 9.....................................................................................................................................................30 Day 10...................................................................................................................................................31 Day 11...................................................................................................................................................32 Day 12...................................................................................................................................................33 Day 13...................................................................................................................................................34 Personal motivation to quit using:...................................................................................................34 Three obstacles that I will not let get in the way:.......................................................................35 Day 14...................................................................................................................................................36 Day 15...................................................................................................................................................37 Day 16...................................................................................................................................................38 Day 17...................................................................................................................................................39 Day 18...................................................................................................................................................40 Day 19...................................................................................................................................................41
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Day 20...................................................................................................................................................42 Day 21...................................................................................................................................................43 DEEP BREATH...................................................................................................................................43 Day 22...................................................................................................................................................44 Day 23...................................................................................................................................................45 Day 24...................................................................................................................................................46 Day 25...................................................................................................................................................47 Symptoms of Denial.........................................................................................................................47 Day 26...................................................................................................................................................48 What To Do If You Relapse...............................................................................................................48 Day 27...................................................................................................................................................49 A few tips to remember:..................................................................................................................49 Day 28...................................................................................................................................................50 Day 29...................................................................................................................................................51 Day 30...................................................................................................................................................52
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Introduction:
What if I told you…
…that there IS a quick solution to your porn addiction? …that you don’t have to let the whole world(your wife, your therapist,your girlfriend, your pastor, your family) know you are addicted to porn before you quit? …that you don’t have to spend months quitting, relapsing, then quitting again? …that there are proven ways to help you quit pornography and chronic masturbation? …that the change doesn’t have to be painful or depressive? …that the change you seek can actually make you love life more?
Would you keep reading? This book is designed to do exactly what it says in the title. Quit porn in 30 Days. The first few weeks of any great change in your life are the most delicate and the most important. The goal is to get you started the right way-those who start the right way have the greatest potential for quitting their addiction. This is not the ultimate how-to book on quitting porn, nor is it the greatest porn quitting resource out there. If you find yourself alone in your struggles, tired of hiding your addiction from everyone, seeking a way to end, or gain control over it and looking for a step by step guide that will hold your hand through the process, then this is the book for you. I’m not a psychiatrist, religious person, researcher, or counselor. I’m just a guy who was addicted to pornography and desperately wanted out. I wanted out so bad, I was willing to do anything short of castration. Quitting pornography addiction is no joke and some guys out there will need therapy and more to get over the hump. Unfortunately, 7
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many will not seek help for various reasons. My hope is that this book will guide you towards freedom and be your companion in the first few weeks of this journey.
A goal is a dream with a deadline. The dream is to quit viewing pornography for good and develop the habit of staying away from porn. The deadline is 30 days from today.
Chances are, if you’re reading this book, you’ve tried to quit porn on your own and it didn’t work. You might have read all the different theories on quitting porn, checked out some tips on the internet and haphazardly tried implementing them, but six days later, you were back on a porn binge. Maybe your addiction has taken you over the edge and you’ve crossed the line by cheating on your significant other, followed through on some deviant sexual fantasy, or realized that your life as you know it is collapsing around your because of your secret addiction. Now you want out. For good. Nine years ago, as a sophomore in college, I tried quitting pornography when I realized that I could only go out on dates and be confident around women when I hadn’t masturbated or watched porn for over a week. Desperately wanting to date more women and get into a relationship, I experimented with abstaining for pornography for longer and longer periods. It worked, till I made a decision quit it completely. To my dismay, I couldn’t. Six years later I was still trying. Each time I failed myself, I could feel my low self esteem digging its roots deeper and deeper into my psyche. Needless to day, my college dating experience was terrible. Longs nights of striking out ended consistently with me going online for my fix. As I experimented with drugs and alcohol, I got deeper into my addiction, requiring more and more bizzare scenes and niches of porn to satisfy my dulled senses. I read every book I could find on quitting, got counseling, confessed at church(yes,I was a Catholic) Masturbation and pornography became as common to me as taking a leak. Work, school, church, a friends house, now where was off limits. Whenever I felt stressed or let down, I knew I could count on a quick fap session to set me straight. 8
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When I graduated and got a fulltime job at a prestigious communications firm, porn followed me. By this time, I was only sporadically trying to quit and had more or less come to terms with living with porn. Shortly after landing a job, I got into a relationship with a smart, funny and beautiful woman. As sex became routine for me, the true ramifications of my “porn hobby” came to light. I began to see flaws in my girlfriend whom, when I first met was one of the most attractive women I’d ever been with sexually. Little imperfections were regularly under the magnifying glass of my porn trained mind. Everything snowballed from there and before I knew it, I was in bed with another woman performing the very same acts I had viewed on some website. When I came and the exhilaration of illicit sex had passed, I felt absolutely disgusted with myself. That was my wake up call. I knew I had crossed the line into full blown addiction and maybe even sex addiction. I resolved there and then to quit pornography for the last time. There's a quote floating out there that says “anyone who says pornography addiction does exist, hasn’t tried quitting.” Altogether, it took me eleven years of quitting and relapsing to understand porn addiction, come to terms with it and eliminate it from my life. I discover a I had already lost so much inside me ,that I couldn’t bear to lose those close to me by revealing my debilitating condition. I resolved that I would apply EVERYTHING I had learned in eleven years of struggling to quit in 30 days. Quitting pornography for a lot of men, in the long run, is a lifestyle decision. Personally, it has been one of the greatest challenges and yet one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life. Perhaps it will be the same for you.
How this books works Quit porn in 30 Days serves as a day by day guide to helping you end your addiction. Some people suggest 90 days works better, however, I’ve found that its helpful to set a time frame that gives enough time to take serious focused action, but isn’t too far in the future that you give in to temptation to postpone the activity. Not everyone has the time to fully dedicate themselves to quitting porn. I believe it can be managed while working a full time job and raising a family .The book is divided into over 30 concise chapters with a guide for the day, questions and tips to help you along your journey to freedom from porn. Read a short chapter everyday and make a commitment to focus on just this one book while trying to quit. Reading multiple books and multiple takes on quitting pornography distracts from the journey which is difficult enough without adding confusion and doubt to the mix. 9
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While quitting pornography addiction is no easy task, following the steps in this book and sticking to it for 30 days is the best foundation you could give yourself to end your addiction. I strongly suggest you start right now. I would wish you the best of luck, but I don’t believe in luck. I believe in commitment, determination and hard work.
The Facts of Porn Addiction: Every 30 minutes, a porn film is made in the U.S Every second, 30,000 people are viewing porn The United States produces 89% of all pornographic material 42.7% of all internet users use porn (102,434,567 people) 56% of divorces involved one person having an obsessive interest in online pornography. Pornography use increases marriage infidelity rate by over 300% 40% of sex addicts that use porn lose their spouses 17% of women struggle with internet pron addiction Men are 6x more likely to get addicted to pornography The average age of pornography exposure is just 11 years old 70% of internet porn traffic occurs during the 9-5 work day The average internet user receives 4.5pornographic emails per day 2.5billion pornographic emails are sent out daily, which accounts for 8% of all daily emails There are 68 million daily pornographic search engine requests, which accounts for 25% of all daily search engine requests 10
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The internet porn industry posts revenues larger than the combined revenues of Microsoft, Google, Amazon, Ebay, Yahoo, Apple and Netflix Female pornstars can make between $100,000 to $250,000 annually The average male pornstar makes about $40,000 annually There are over 800million rentals of adult videos per year in the United States Utah has the highest porn consumption rate per capita The United States spends $13.6 billion per year on porn The 27 states that have gay marriage bans consume 11% more porn than liberal states that don't ban gay marriage 35% of all internet downloads are pornographic “Sex” and “Porn” are among the top three search terms for kids under the age of 18
Understanding Porn Addiction There are numerous definitions of addictions, but for the purpose of this book, I’ll use my definition: “Addiction is a compulsion to continuously continue a self destructive habit despite adverse consequences, coupled with an inability to control cravings.” For a specific take on pornography addiction, the American Society of Addiction Medicine(ASAM) stated in their new definition of addiction (August 2011) that “Sexual behavior addictions are as real as drug addictions” Science has come a long way in the past few years, especially when it comes to the psychology of addiction. With regards to pornography addiction, the motivation and craving to have sex comes from the neurochemical dopamine.
Meet Dopamine Dopamine could be described as the “feel good” chemical in our brain. Most of our desires for food, friendship, sex, love and novelty stem from dopamine and are perfectly normal. When you see a hottie jogging down the street in a sports bra and tights, you
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brain gives you a little taste of dopamine. When you are craving chocolate and get a serving of rich, thick chocolate cake, you get rewarded with more dopamine. Alcohol and heroin boost dopamine levels in the body and can lead to addiction. A lesser known fact is that over stimulation of the desires for food,love,sex and novelty can also lead to addiction. Junk food, video games and porn are all commercial inventions designed to overstimulate our natural cravings and induce us to spend money.
Dopamine also thrives on novelty. The new Iphone,a new video game release, and different or “taboo” sex scene from what we are used to- all prompt squirts of dopamine. Novelty is the “reset’ button for dopamine. Has your latest dopamine surge ended? Get a fix with something novel. Unfortunately, when we view pornography online, when have access to an infinite supply of novelty, therefore, an infinite supply dopamine. Whats wrong with that? Well, with pornography, more novel means that sexual acts which were always considered normal no longer give us the surge of dopamine we want, leading to us searching for more lewd and “shocking” sex acts. One day you’re masturbating to a sexy lady stripping, the next, you’re watching a woman having sex with a donkey or violent rape scenes. Whats even MORE WRONG with that? Apart from the negative consequences your change in sexual “taste” will have on your relationships, self esteem, mental health and social life, the brain rewires itself continuously when exposed to a habit repeatedly. A cocaine addicts brain has been rewired the same way an alcohol addicts is. Unfortunately, a porn addicts brain is wired the exact same way. The ability of the brain to rewire itself is known as neuroplasticity and it’s a relatively new area of research. Pornography, especially internet porn is free, has no limit to consumption, is extremely novel with hundreds of different and emerging genres, and can only be satiated temporarily by ejaculation.
Signs and symptoms of addiction There are numerous signs and symptoms of porn addiction. Generally, the signs are easier to observe than the symptoms.
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Signs: 1)Extremely difficult to quit in spite of all attempts to eliminate it. 2) Anger and irritability when confronted about porn addiction 3) Viewing porn despite being aware of or experiencing the consequences( failing relationship/marriage, risky sexual behavior) 4) When you try to take a break, your stress and anxiety levels go through the roof.
Symptoms: Symptoms of porn addiction vary greatly. 1) No satisfaction from masturbation 2) Lack of confidence and social anxiety 3) Erectile dysfunction 4) Depression 5) Delayed ejaculation 6) Change in sexual preference and questioning of sexual orientation 7) Restlessness and unexplained anxiety
Why you Need to Quit You probably already have a very good reason to quit if you are reading this book. Porn addiction wrecks so much havoc in our lives in the long term, that we seldom realize just how much our lives would change if we quit. Here are some of the advantages of quitting:
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-Rebuild your self image: Your self image is severely damaged not by your pornography addiction, but by the behaviors that go with the addiction. Usually, being addicted to porn involves living a double life-having to lie about your problem and hide it from your spouse, your friends and your family. The process of quitting rebuilds your self image because it is a positive step in the right direction. You are taking control of your life and making a transition which takes a great effort to achieve. Your self confidence increases as you make progress.
-Bring back happiness into you life: Yes, it sounds cliché, but when you struggle with pornography addiction, you mind is mostly preoccupied with guilt, shame, depression, frustration, pain and deep cravings. Both the craving for porn and the aversion to it lead to unhappiness. Quitting restores balance to your mind.
-Drive and will to succeed: I personally believe that a man who is addicted to pornography is not much of a success. Take a look at your life. Are you even close to where you want to be? The time spent on porn subtracts from the time you could be spending on self development, improving your skills for your career or building business relationships. Incessant masturbation dulls testosterone level. Studies have shown that high testosterone levels equate to better performance at work, increased focus and a strong desire and tenacity to succeed.
- Better intimate relationships: Pornography addiction destroys relationships. There is no doubt about it. Most women are absolutely unaware of their partners porn addiction. The lying that you use to cover up your addiction is enough to destroy a relationship with your spouse or significant other. When you avoid social situations, skip dates, break agreements and lie just to spend time on your addiction, you sow the seeds of destruction in your relationship. -Improved social life: Its no surprise that your social life probably suffers greatly. At first getting back to a social lifestyle can be daunting and tough because you either don’t feel like it or you’ve gone so long without being social that you don’t even know what its like to be social anymore. You may also feel as if you are socially inept. Quitting restores balance to your brain which is the first step in improving your social life. An addict 14
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cannot have a fulfilling social life. A balanced brain leads to improved self esteem and self worth .Individuals with a healthy sense of self worth are motivated to cultivated new social connections with like minded people.
-Get diagnosed right: Due to the lack of widespread awareness of pornography addiction, a lot of males are misdiagnosed by professionals and by themselves as suffering from ADHD, social anxiety, performance anxiety, OCD and depression among others. These are often, in the case of a porn addict symptoms of the underlying issue. Sadly, they are often medicated without the root cause being realized. If you are misdiagnosed, quitting could very well be the first step in taking back control of this part of your life.
Where do I start? There is only one thing that separates the person who is successful at quitting to the person who isn’t. Its determination. Simply put, the man who wants to leave pornography behind bad enough and is willing to do whatever it takes to get there will be successful in overcoming his addiction. I’m a fan of Napoleon Hills “Think and Grow Rich “. The book is the final product of a lifetime spent studying successful people and discovering the “common denominators” of their success. He devised a six step plan to success. Its goes as follows: 1)Have a specific goal 2)Set a specific time in which to achieve your goal 3)Develop a plan to achieve your goal 4)Decide what kind of price you are willing to pay 5)Write it down 15
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6)Think about reaching your goal everyday
I applied this strategy in my struggle to quit porn and it made a huge impact in how I started out this program. I suggest you take some time out right now to complete the above exercise. Even though this book will walk you through a 30 day period, it is important to also set specific goals for YOURSELF. The next step is acceptance and making the decision to quit:
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i)
Evaluate the risks and benefits of continued pornography use. Are you ready to sacrifice immediate gratification or more long term benefits and goals?
ii)
Accept your situation. You need to verbally and in writing accept the fact that pornography is causing problems for you or is an addiction, or you will be stuck in a rut indefinitely.
iii)
Change your views of pornography. Pornography is not a requirement in your life. You do not need it to replace a life of abundance with women or have a sexually fulfilling relationship with an attractive woman.
iv)
Get rid of all materials related to pornography. Destroy and trash all physical porn. Install a porn blocker.
v)
Drop the identity you have of yourself as a porn user. The sooner you view yourself in a positive light-a person who is in control of his life, the less you will give yourself excuses to use porn.
vi)
Change your environment. Do your roommates use porn? Change rooms. Do you view porn with your significant other? Talk to them about your decision to quit or remove yourself from that situation. Yes. You are taking control of your life because both you and your significant other will suffer the consequences if you are not already.
vii)
Believe in yourself. I believe in you. You can successfully implement the practices in this book. You can achieve all the goals you’ve set and can do it in 30 days. www.quitporngetgirls.com
Relapses One of the most frustrating aspects of trying to quit any addiction especially pornography is the relapse. Everyone wants to win, to beat it, to be strong ,to get to the 30 day marker. The reality is that relapses do happen. Anyone who tells you that there's a way to quit porn in which there is no chance of relapse is either lying to you, or has never been truly addicted to porn. If you have relapsed so many times that you think its inevitable, please don’t lose hope. I tried and failed for eleven years. I don’t have extraordinary willpower,in fact I consider my self extremely weak willed. There are certain behaviors that you have, however ,that if not addressed before day one, will sabotage all your efforts.
i)
Social isolation
ii)
Emotional issues
iii)
Lack of preparation
iv)
Lack of self discipline
v)
Problematic relationships
Social Isolation: If your social circle consists of your guild on World of Warcraft, you’re putting yourself at a high risk to relapse. Similarly, if you have a small social circle that you are not close to, or lack a significant other, you’re in prime position for a relapse. The reason for this is that one of the most common triggers for viewing pornography is being alone for prolonged periods of time. If you’re alone, you don’t really have many excuses to stay away from porn. Having an active social life or a supportive relationship keeps you busy and occupied. Emotional Issues: Continuously watching porn leads to various emotional issues or varying intensity. You may be hiding your addiction from a spouse which leads to feelings or guilt and shame 17
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,or your porn addiction may have led you to commit acts that are inconsistent with your self image or sexual identity. All these feelings are connected to low self worth and negativity, which in turn lead you to more porn. Lack of Preparation: What have you done to prepare yourself to quit pornography? Apart from reading this book, what other books have your read? What online resources have you consulted? How will you stay accountable? How will you deal with withdrawal? Let me assure you that having a limited source of information to battle your addiction will leave you unprepared, opening up various avenues to a relapse. You must be mentally prepared to deal with the emotions, withdrawal, easy access to pornography and various unseen circumstances that will come out to sabotage you.
Lack of Self Discipline: Self disciple is required to last even seven days without pornography or masturbation. If you have a habit of quitting most endeavors early, then a relapse is in order. Self discipline with regards to quitting porn involves committing to 30 day with absolutely no excuses. No rationalizing that after 2 weeks, you are “cured”, no losing your job and coming back to porn, no striking out at the bar and coming back to porn. Absolutely no excuses. Self discipline is best cultivated by focusing on one problematic area at a time. If you feel self discipline is your biggest problem, then I suggest you use these 30 days as a your first challenge to reclaiming you undisciplined life. Pornography addiction, as stated earlier is usually the epicenter of problems in an addicts life. Lets use Toby as an example. Toby is a 23 year old college junior. In the middle of the semester, Tobys live-in girlfriend of 3 years leaves him for his best friend,Rob. Toby is devastated by the betrayal. Depressed,the only way Toby can deal with it is by turning to his only comfort at the time-food. One year later, Toby is 140 pounds overweight .His doctor tells him that he suffers from high blood pressure and has a high risk for diabetes. Toby decides that hes too young to throw his health away, so he begins an exercise program. Unfortunately, each time Toby makes progress, such as losing 4 pounds in two 18
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weeks, he reduces the intensity of his workouts, or skips a workout entirely. Toby makes a habit out of this for 3 years. The most he is ever able to lose is 31 pounds, before he gains it all back. He eventually quits, exhausted by the repeated failures and resigns himself to being “big”. His health issues compound due to his weight and accompanied sedentary lifestyle. His self esteem plunges and he is never able to get back into a romantic relationship. Whats the moral of that story? Lack of self discipline will always keep you down, over time will destroy your sense of self and will eventually encroach into all areas of your life.
Problematic Relationships If you are married or in a relationship, constant conflict can lead to a relapse, especially if you do not know how to resolve conflict the proper way. A lot of men in relationships find themselves viewing porn shortly after a fight with their spouse as a means of relieving the tensing brought about by conflict. Constant fighting can sabotage your consistency if you do not develop a means of dealing with conflicts within your relationship. Lack of consistency quickly spirals into a relapse. The solution is to proactively work on resolving conflict. Conflict and fighting in a relationship does not have to be a vicious cycle. Here are a few tips that I implement:
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Spend more time being positive with those you are close to. Positive words, praise, compliments. You'd be surprised at how much criticism and negativity is thrown around in most relationships.
•
Avoid people who already have a lot of baggage and negativity in their life. If their lives are disorganized and unhappy, chances are, you cannot fix it and its best to avoid getting in serious relationships with such people.
•
Always look for a way to resolve conflict without raising your voice or arguing. First off, if you are a man, you never win arguments with women.Ever. Decide with your partner to sit down and talk things out without trying to hurt each other.
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If conflict has been a staple in your relationship, this probably wont be easy, but persist and it will go a long way in easing conflict. •
Calm down and think before you open your mouth. Sometimes the best way to take care of a conflict is to not say too much.
The Porn Cycle There are three phases that occur when you use porn. One of the keys to making it through this day by day guide is to be constantly aware of these phases. It is important to realize that while these three phases are occurring, you have the ability to observe and make a choice as to how you will react to each of them. 1) Trigger: A trigger is whatever sets off your desire to watch porn. It could be seeing a woman jogging in a sports bra, a provocative advertisement on TV or a sudden rush of testosterone, such as when you've completed a tough workout. Triggers feel as if they “light up” your brain with stimulus, letting you know that its time to satisfy a particular craving. 2) Thought: Thought is the next phase in the porn cycle. This is where you realize that you are about to get into your porn viewing routine . Most porn addicts automatically go into their routine, while some experience a slight pause where their will conflicts with their habit. Thoughts such as “I can't stop myself”, “I'm too weak.”, “Whatever”, “I'm not good enough” and a host of others come up. 3) Action: This is the actual act of viewing porn, usually culminating in masturbation. I could involve you making sure you are private, turning on your computer and heading to your website of choice and choosing what to watch.
Crippling the Three Phases In order truly quit porn, you must be able to build up your awareness to the three phases as they occur. Awareness is skill that has to be practiced in order to sharpen it. Your
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heightened awareness is an essential to short circuit these phases as you proceed on your journey these next thirty days. In order to improve it, I suggest you track your thoughts for the next seven days. Ask yourself these questions: I) What was my trigger? II) What was my next thought after the trigger? III) What action did I take? IV) If you watched porn, what did you watch and for how long? Track yourself each and every time you are triggered for seven days. At the end of the exercise, you mind will be sufficiently aware to make the most out of the next 30 days.
O.k, we're about to jump into Day 1. Before we begin, there are three things I want you to do. You absolutely have to do them to move on to the next page. 1) Delete all accounts associated with porn. All porn website memberships, all email address that give you update on anything pornographic in nature including live sex chats, pornstar fan clubs,everything. If you paid for them, that's even better. Chalk that up to financial cost of quitting. I'm not kidding. Delete that crap. 2) Install a porn blocker on your computers. Everything. Personal,work, mobile devices. Do it now. 3) Delete all your folders containing porn. I don't care if you have 3Gb or 300Gb, delete it. Don't store it anywhere else as back up, its no longer important, no longer useful. Yes, I know you've probably been collecting some of the most awesome shots ever,but they have to go. This is your life we're talking about ! Delete it.
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Day 1 “You don't set out to build a wall. You don't say “I'm going to build the biggest,baddest, greatest wall that's ever been built.” You don't start there. You say, “I'm going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid. You do that every single day and soon you have a wall.”- Will Smith Tip of the Day: Place mirror in the area where you usually masturbate.
Today is the first day of you giving up porn and masturbation. As I have stated repeatedly in preceding chapters, the first 30 days are the most important. We are taking this one day at a time, which is by far, the easiest way to get to your destination. The only day that matters is today. Don't worry about this weekend or tomorrow night. No other day matters. You will have multiple urges and cravings and you will have to deal with them head-on, one by one as they come at you. Remember, each time you get through an urge, you've just put a brick in the wall you're building.
For today, •
Remind yourself that that is a payoff each time you resist an urge
•
Reward yourself at the end of the day(not with anything sexual!)
•
Be proud of yourself for getting through each craving
What happens if you are seized by an almost uncontrollable urge to watch porn or masturbate? Give yourself time. Sometimes all you need is a little time to observe your urges and let them go through all their phases till they finally die down. Observe. Don't react. Observe. Don't react. Observe. Don't react. Let this be your mantra. Remember your successes today, and write down what worked for it. Good Luck!
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Day 2 “Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes;no plans” -Peter F.Drucker Tip of the Day: Keep a Journal. Write about how you feel. When you feel like quitting, when you feel insatiable desires and you don't feel you can overcome them. Write it all down. •
Plan you day. Time management is life management. The more productive you are, the fewer chances you have of being bored. We know what boredom leads to.
•
Stay on a healthy diet. Its very easy to replace one addiction with another. What is a healthy ? Eliminate or drastically reduce all fast food. Less carbohydrates. More fresh fruits and vegetables. Stop eating after 8PM. You'll feel better abut yourself and look better as well.
•
When your craving hit, replace them with exercise. I used to drop down and do pushups till the cravings passed. Exercising while craving builds awareness of the power of testosterone.
You may have already tried some of these on their own separately in the past. Bear in mind that changing up these patterns daily keeps your mind busy and away from routine, which can quickly devolve to boredom. Its only day two, my friend and we're getting closer to your goal. Reward yourself again, regardless of if this day was easy or not.
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Day 3 “If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right” Mary Kay Ash Tip of the Day: If you are so inclined, join a support group for sexual addiction in your city.
You must consistently take action that further strengthens your resolve to quit porn. Since you've already deleted all porn content on your devices, its time to dig a little deeper and completely get rid of all remnants of porn, as well as solidify your commitment. •
Quit touching your penis whenever you feel turned on. Touching leads to masturbating,eventually.
•
Review your reasons to quit. Print them out and place them somewhere prominent
•
Go get a massage. Quitting usually brings up stress and anxiety as you go through the withdrawal stages. A massage relieves your stress and helps your endure the process.
•
You're probably saving some money that isn't going into fueling your porn addiction. Buy yourself a new movie or CD.
•
The side effects of quitting vary. Take care of yourself these 30 days. The focus is you.
Keep rewarding yourself and renewing your commitment each day. The more you do this, the more likely, you'll be free of porn 30,60,90 an 365 days from now.
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Day 4 “Boredom is the root of all evil-the despairing refusal to be oneself” -Soren Kierkegaard Below are some of the hints many people who successfully quit porn and masturbation used to fill some of their urges to view porn. Many porn addicts sometimes feel bored and then depressed when they are turned on and cannot turn to porn. •
Fill the void with friendship. Go to meetup.com and find a group activity. Salsa,swing, singles meetups, the lists are exhaustive. Having friends around you greatly reduces your tendency to view porn or masturbate.
•
If you are at work, or in class and feel the need to view porn, carry a small pad and pencil and write your feelings down, or at the very least-doodle.
•
Engage different senses from those used for sex. Have a tasty, healthy snack.
Create a list of goals that will make you feel valued. You are valuable. Act like it. •
Volunteer for a cause
•
Master a new skill
•
Plan something nice for your significant other or family
Remember, these suggestions only work if you make them your priority.
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Day 5 “The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. “ -Hellen Keller Tip of the Day: Move your laptop/computer to a more public space in your home.
Take a moment today and think about all the good you've done your mind by quitting. Think about the damage you've done to your brain, your mind, your social life, your potential, for some of you, even your sanity. What are some of the positive changes you've noticed since you began? Here are a few of the benefits you'll reap right away: •
You'll have less anxiety as days go by. This includes social anxiety and anxiety around women.
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Increase in energy level, less lethargy
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More testosterone available. With great power comes great responsibility
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You should notice an increase in your focus.
Pick an activity to reward yourself with today, for the progress you've made.
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Day 6 “A year from now, you will wish you had started today” Karen Lamb Tip of the Day:Change what you put into your mind. Read positive, uplifting books. Everyone who has been addicted to porn, has at some point considered how much money they've blown on porn. I'm sure you have, too at some point. Since you quit, how much money have you saved?If I piled up all the cash you've ever spend on porn and porn related activities-would you douse it in gasoline and watch it go up in smoke? I think not. Now that you aren't funneling thousands of dollars to some porn marketers bank account, you're putting extra money in your pocket. If you had a terrible budget before this (i.e porn was NOT on your budget-you just spend grocery money on porn), then its time to start to start setting your finances straight. *Save the money for 30 days and have yourself a fantastic dinner on Day 30 *Start a holiday fund *Save for a concert or a gadget you've always wanted *Invest or save the money
This is the best time to take a good look at all the money you save by giving up porn. Remember, you could be saving yourself from serious financial ruin in the future by the very steps you are taking now! Keep up the good work. One day at a time!
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Day 7 “The doctor of the future will no longer treat the human frame with drugs, but rather will cure and prevent disease with nutrition.” ― Thomas Edison Tip of the day: Quit eating crap. Quitting porn addiction come hand in hand with various side effects, weight gain being one of the lesser observed effects. Now is the time to get aware of extra food you may be consuming to take the place of your habit. Food is often used as a reward by those focusing on quitting. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, however, be cautious with the quality of the food you consume. •
Drink a lot of water.
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Fresh fruit
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Mixed fresh vegetables by the bagful
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Keep your cookies low calorie
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Unsalted nuts(Almonds, Brazil nuts,peanuts)
Here are a few rules to follow with your diet to ensure your diet is working for you: •
Avoid anything with processed flour. That becomes fat before you know it.
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No fried anything
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No sodas-not even diet soda. Unless you enjoy filling your body with aspartame
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Avoid eating after 8PM
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No sweets. The more holistic your approach to quitting porn is, the better the more satisfying your porn free life will be, the healthier you will be and the possibility of relapse dwindles each day.
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Day 8 “ Day by day,in every way,I'm getting better and better” Tip of the Day: Don't ever think it permissible with these 30 days to view “innocent” stuff, like girls in bikinis of scantily clad models. Total and complete abstinence for 30 days. Welcome to your second week of quitting porn. You've conquered one week and done a fantastic job getting to this point. At this juncture, its critical to avoid one of the major pitfalls of quitting. That pitfall is telling yourself that you'll never ever use porn or even masturbate again. Instead of making such a monumental decision, remember that this begins with 30 days and progresses day by day. Soon you'll see that week to week becomes easier and eventually, year by year. That's how life long decisions are made. If for some reason your were locked up without access of pornography and not allowed to touch your penis for a month,while you are aware that without a guide, it would probably be excruciating, odds are you'd survive the experience. Who knows, if you were offered a million dollars to quit porn and masturbation for a year, you'd probably quit right now without this book! These scenarios illustrate the fact that a large part of of breaking your addiction is the attitude you have about it. The right attitude, one that accesses both the long and short-term benefits of quitting is key to quitting permanently. Its now time to formulate a simple plan to avoid giving in to the all consuming urge that will inevitably arise. I mean that one that possesses you like a demon,where you feel you have absolutely no control over you actions. One of the easiest ways to avoid giving in to this urge is to be proactive. *Expect the urge to hit you at any time. *Promise yourself, in front of a mirror that you will not give into it today *An idle mind is the devils workshop these 30 days. Keep busy! *If you find yourself already taking actions to watch porn again or masturbate, after doing the above three, you will be in a better position to cut it out instantly,bust out some pushups, take a shower to just leave the house.
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Day 9 “ Lust is the craving for salt of a man who is dying of thirst” Frederic Buechner Tip of the Day: Always be aware of triggers. Tan legs,daisy dukes,bleached hair,bikinis,whatever your trigger is,use it as a tool to curb you habits.
By now you will have found ways to help get you through the cravings when they hit. Hopefully you also will begin to notice that the number of cravings has decreased. You are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You know that you can successfully control your urge or your craving for pornographic images and masturbation. You will find that the longer you stay away from it and the situations where you used, the less often the urge comes. The further you get from the cravings, the more you may feel as though you maybe never had a problem. After all, if you don’t really crave it all that often, how much of a problem can it be? It’s that kind of thinking that has led many people right back into their old habit of getting watching porn. Right back into the shame,low self esteem and self sabotage they loathed. They think that if they have so few urges, then jerking off once in awhile to satisfy them won’t hurt anything. It’s a rare person who jerks off on occasion without falling back into the habit. As a former addict, your past habit is always there just waiting to be ejaculated all over a paper towel. All it takes is one jerk off session. As long as that old habit is still inside you, you run the risk of it coming back full strength. The simplest and easiest way to prevent this from happening is to avoid even touching you dick sexually.
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Day 10 “ What we think, we become. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts,we make the world.” -The Buddha Tip of the day: Stress is one of the top excuses to relapse. Replace you habits patterns of stress with daily exercise-the best cure for stress.
Some of the more difficult cravings that seem to hang on for weeks after you’ve stopped are usually linked to certain situations or times of the day. You may find that some of the strongest cravings come around certain people, or places. It’s much more likely to be a problem if you are spending a lot of time around a friend who is a heavy porn user. You can still spend time with that person but make sure it is limited and not in any situation where you both were exposed to porn. Here are some other tips that may help with trigger situations: • If you used to anticipate masturbation or porn use while commuting for example, try listening to a CD while you drive that relaxes or energizes you to help keep the focus off the craving. Stay away from music you associated with having sex. Sing like crazy to your favorite songs! • Try taking a different route than usual. • Explore new places to go that you will not associate with having sex.If that means avoiding nightclubs and bar,then so be it.
What about alcohol? It’s led many former addicts back to porn. You can go weeks without using porn , have one drink and – wham – the craving to bust a nut hits you out of nowhere. Remember, alcohol is also a drug and can weaken your will power, no matter what you do. Some porn users who never cared for alcohol can fool themselves into believing this won’t happen to them. If you see yourself as a not addicted to porn(in which case, why the heck are you this far into the book?), you may believe having a drink won’t hurt. This is not the time to experiment. Quitting is a process that requires patience in numerous ways, 30 days of abstinence from any addictive substance is recommended.
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Day 11 “I do believe that when we face challenges in life that are far beyond our own power,its an opportunity to build on our faith,inner strength and courage. I've learned that how we face challenges plays a big role in the outcome of them.” Tip of the Day: When you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, you are most likely to fall back into you old habit patterns,which lead back to the hole. Keep clean for 30 days.
Many users who stop for short periods seem to lose speed and give in to their old habit. You do not have to become one of them. By talking about the possible dangers to look out for you can avoid this. You can be doing very well, feeling very good about yourself, when suddenly the urge hits like it’s never hit before. This often happens just as things start getting easier and you’re beginning to think that you’ve got things licked. You’ve been practicing ways to handle your daily life without using, but what about a special event? For example, the first party, the first night out or the first wedding. These special events pop up and take you by surprise. They are difficult to handle because you will often be with friends who are using or remind you of using or reminiscing about old times. To deal with these special events, you must learn to think about them before they happen. Plan ahead and decide just how you will deal with these situations when they come. Think a few days ahead. See what is coming up that might trigger cravings and plan now.
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Day 12 “Your journey will be much lighter and easier if you don't carry your past with you” -Unknown Tip of the day: Watching porn with your spouse or partner has a negative effect on your self image and sex life in the long term. One of the ways you can help yourself for good is to change how you see yourself. Now is the time to think about what you want different in your life. The images of yourself may be linked to comments from other people or other peoples opinions of you. Valued people in our lives greatly affect how we see ourselves. Now is the time to start working on a new, strong image of yourself. What can you do? • Achieve one of your goals from the previous list you made of doing something of value for someone. • Each time someone asks you if you use porn, or makes an allusion to watching porn or masturbation, say our loud “No, I don't watch that/mess with that/I quit.” • Every time you have the chance to say you quit, you will build a stronger image of yourself. It does feel better than you may think. Another good way to build your image is to start watching other peers that you respect. When you are in a situation where you can ask them their opinion on porn , see how that person acts. Ask others you trust respect how different their lives would be with or without porn.
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Day 13 “Today is a new day. Hiding from your history only shackles you to it. We can't undo a single thing we have ever done,but we can make decisions today that propel us to the life we want and towards the healing we need.” -Steve Maraboli Personal motivation to quit using: I don’t want to get into trouble again and I want to make better decisions. I no longer want to spend too much money on pornography I want to feel good about the way in which I am meeting new people and/or relate to others more genuinely (as my real self). I want to improve how I am doing in my career or academically by not constantly getting distracted,masturbating and feeling unmotivated. I am physically being affected by my use. I want to quit and not just say I am going to do it. I want to get into better shape and have more energy. I don’t want to accidentally harm or hurt anyone physically or verbally because I was using pornography. I do not want to be involved sexually with someone that I would have regret or guilt about later. I want to make the most out of my family ,career or college experiences and goals without having regrets, and be proud of what I have accomplished. I no longer want using to interfere with who I am spiritually and intellectually. I no longer want to take foolish risks and embarrass others, my family, or myself. I want to have fewer interpersonal conflicts. (Other)_______________________________________
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Three obstacles that I will not let get in the way: 1. _______________________________________________________________________ ___________ 2. _______________________________________________________________________ ___________ 3. _______________________________________________________________________ ___________
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Day 14 Tip of the day: Breath. Stress and using-Many people who go back to porn use say that a crisis pushed them to use again. Stress during crisis may cause such discomfort that masturbation seems like the perfect answer. Substances such as nicotine, alcohol, marijuana, and other drugs do not really ease stress, but one of the strongest links for many users has been to reach for their drug of choice during times of stress. It can be a hard association to break. It’s not too surprising, then, that when some kind of difficult event comes up, you think of rubbing one off , even months after quitting. This breathing exercise is a good way to slow you down long enough to relax a little and pull yourself together. In many ways, it does just what any substance would do; it cuts off the stressful event, gives a pause, and most importantly, lets you calm down. It’s an exercise that makes use of deep breathing, much like the relaxing, euphoric effect you get from the deep inhaling of smoking a cigarette, having a drink, or getting watching porn. Take a comfortable position. If you have to, take a moment to get ready. Let yourself relax by going limp. Then inhale slowly and deeply. When you’ve taken as much air into your lungs as you can, stop, pause for a moment, and then breathe all of the air out slowly. At the end of the breathing-out cycle, give an extra push to remove the last bit of air. Repeat the exercise five times. This should not be hard, fast breathing; instead it should be slow, deep, relaxed breathing. Try to practice this exercise a few times a day.
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Day 15 “I don't want easy,just possible” -Soul Surfer Tip of the Day: Internet erotica and stories are potential triggers. You sensitivity to sexual themes without images increases exponentially as you starve yourself visually. Avoid such stimulation at all costs. Most everyone who goes back to porn use after stopping for awhile tells the same story: “It started again with just one image.” There are several reasons why people can’t stop with just one when they let themselves view an arousing image and masturbated after they have quit. Because of the relation our brain has formed with the feeling of novelty from that one image, viewing the image creates the need for more variety a short time later. Its even worse with masturbation. Once you allow yourself to break the success streak by viewing porn again, it’s easy to feel that one more time won’t hurt anything. It is very important to accept that you cannot masturbate even once or expose yourself knowingly to pornographic images. After you’ve not viewed porn or masturbated for a few weeks or a month, it’s easy not to. It’s also easier not to get started again. The catch is that it is easy to go back again because, all it takes is one to start you off. Promise yourself not to masturbate even a little. “I'll touch myself,but I won't cum”. If you do slip, don’t give in at that point. Why slip if you can avoid using in the first place? Now is a good time to stop and make a promise to yourself that this is the last time you ever have to stop. Make sure to congratulate yourself on your progress so far. Remind yourself of your commitment and of the reasons you are choosing to quit!
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Day 16 “The best way to avoid going downhill is to stay off the slope” -Woodrow Kroll Today it is time to explore the traps surrounding that “just one time thinking.” These are some ways past users have gotten themselves back into porn addiction. Hopefully, you will look ahead for these traps and won’t fall into them. One common trap is too much confidence. When the craving to view porn seems to go away, you start to feel like porn did not have any kind hold on your life. After all, you think, you would only need a clip or two, or a jerk off session to satisfy you now. What harm could there be? A second trap is feeling sorry for yourself. You find things don’t seem to be going your way. You’re feeling badly and looking for something to give you a lift. You may begin to dwell on the times you masturbated. Suddenly, all of the pleasant memories come back about porn(none of the bad effects, just the pleasant sensations). It seems like watching porn is the answer. A third trap involves a crisis. Perhaps you have a major job change or maybe a loved one or good friend dies. It is usually some kind of difficult event that causes you to want to feel that dopamine surge in the hope that it will somehow ease the pain. You watch some porn,then masturbate though it doesn’t really help you deal with the crisis. Worse, you’ve now gone back to using porn and experience feelings of guilt—more pain to make things worse than they were. If you see these traps coming, you can prepare for them and reach your goal of quitting porn for good. Keep up the good work.
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Day 17 “Success is not owned, it is rented- and that rent is due every day.” -Rory Vaden As you go through each day after quitting, it really can help to think about a few things. You can remember that each time you don’t use porn and masturbate is another step toward becoming a non-user for good. Each day is another success, and it builds toward the end of cravings and the need to get watch porn. As you probably know, the first week is the most difficult, but you may also have the most support during that time. When you first stop, you are very aware of the problems you face and you decide not to give in to them. You start to feel better. People around you notice you act different and help you feel good about it, because they enjoy the person that you are becoming. Later, though, the memories of the difficulties fade. You start to take the health and mental benefits for granted. Remind yourself every so often of what the first days were like. Most of all, tell yourself that you really are doing something good for yourself by not using porn. Keep at it! You’ll be very happy with your success.
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Day 18 “Failures do what is tension relieving, while winners do what is goal achieving.” For most porn users, quitting takes a good deal of energy, strength, and just plain hard work, especially in the first weeks. For awhile, not consuming porn has to be your primary daily goal. The thing to remember here to help you through this effort is that the hard work does end. Before long, what started as a war winds down to a few little battles once in awhile. The urge stops and, for the most part, using porn can become part of the past, if you let it. If you’ve been off for short times in the past and have relapsed, it is possible that you thought that quitting would be easier. You might also have had a longer period of success at quitting under your belt, but still went back to using porn after months or even after a few years. Maybe it’s been very hard to begin the effort to quit this time. It will help to remember that it’s been only one clip or masturbation session that made the difference. If you put your mind to it, you can do this. This decision is very important to your long-term success. At some point after people quit, the ones who make it for good often report a real change in the way they think about using porn. Somehow, all the work and difficulties become less important. What becomes clear is that choosing not to watch porn isn’t so hard and that all that stands between them and their success is a decision. The decision is to never watch porn again – no matter what. Once such a decision is made, it can be a great relief. It’s like lifting a big load from your back, and knowing that it is in your power to never watch porn again.
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Day 19 “A real decision is measured by the fact that you've taken a new action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided.” Now that you have made it this far, it is time to think back and ask yourself or others who have recently quit porn to think back to those kind of situations that might cause some difficulties in the future. • If you were to go back to using porn, what kind of situation would trigger it? • Where would you be? • What would you be doing? Many people don’t think ahead. They enjoy their feeling of success and really don’t want to feel as if it is possible to run into trouble. Yet there is a big value in being able to look into the future. You can prepare yourself for those “trigger” situations. Experts recommend the idea of looking ahead. The goal is to put yourself into the future situation before it happens. For example, a week before you go out to a nightclub, you sit and picture yourself already there. You see the people, the drinks ,sexy ladies wearing miniskirts and little black dresses. You feel your arousal. You begin to feel the urge to masturbate, perhaps when you get home. Now, begin to imagine yourself beating this temptation. You can see how, for example, you decide to go outside for a short walk or go to get a glass of ice water when the urge comes over you. This kind of looking ahead can be very helpful once you are in the real situation. The only way to be sure to remain free of the old habit is to decide, once and for all, never to watch or use porn again. When you get to this decision, you have won most of the battle.
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Day 20 “Temptation is a woman's weapon and a man's excuse.” -H.L Mencken Once you’ve been able to stop using porn and have put in those first few days and weeks of hard work, it would be self-defeating to start again! Even so, the fact is that many people who have quit porn go back to watching it months and even years after they’ve stopped. There is not a safe length of time when you can say, you will never touch it again. Memories, events, and certain people will always be there to tempt you, even 20 years from now something can trigger that curiosity or thought of ‘what would it be like to get high again’ even if there is no intent or desire to use. Even though the strong cravings to use do go away there will sometimes be a longing for the past that might tempt you. A return to using porn is likely to happen if you keep the idea somewhere in your mind that you will be able to watch porn again one day. You may think that you will be able to go back and keep it under control. You are only fooling yourself. The problem is that it’s almost impossible for a former or recovering porn addict to go back and use porn sparingly. If you keep such hopes, you must remember that you would be taking on the whole weight of your old habit. To make sure that you keep up your success, you must be aware of this kind of trap.
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Day 21 “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time” -Abraham Lincoln This is the beginning of week three. Hopefully, taking it one day at a time, planning, and re-evaluating goals and directions, has motivated your desire to continue with your decision. Today, start with the following deep breathing exercise. Before you begin, erase any stress for the day and visually put yourself in a place that is warm, relaxing and inviting. DEEP BREATH Learning to breathe deeply is the first step in learning to relax. You will learn to use a deep diaphragmatic breathing technique as an important core relaxation exercise and craving prevention method. Place one hand just below the rib cage (above the stomach). Take a deep breath. As you inhale, notice the movement of your hand. Did it move in or out? If you breathed properly, your hand moved out. The deep, full breath begins with the diaphragm moving down and the lowest part of the lungs filling with air; the middle pan fills; then the chest expands, and finally the upper pan of the lungs fill with air. In breathing for relaxation, breathe through the nose and exhale through your mouth, feeling warm air leave the body. Inhale through your nose, hold for 10 seconds – - feel the tension in your throat and chest. Exhale through your mouth with a slight sign; feel the sigh of relief release tension. The quietest time of breath is between exhalation and inhalation. Learning to feel this stillness can help you relax. As you exhale with a slight sigh, feel all the tension leave your body and melt away. Try to recall this quiet time when feeling stressed.
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Day 22 “Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.” -Thomas Carlyle Today is a day to look at what you see and how you feel about yourself. Ask yourself if you are still carrying around the identity of a person who watches porn. If you are, does that identity connect to your dreams and goals. The more you value yourself, the less likely you are going to make excuses to use again. For some people, the experience of porn use gave them an identity that helped them fit in, more than the peer pressure to watch. Watching porn may make you appear to be a little more laid back and less judgmental, and more open minded which in many social circles offers a less threatening atmosphere. No one wants to be the prude who doesn't watch porn. This seems especially true, if you first began using earlier on. Maybe your identity developed around this environment, attitudes about watching porn and rationalization to protect your porn use. In essence, you may feel as though you are protecting an identity. It is time to really examine if you are being true to yourself or imitating a lifestyle that was conformist and safe.
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Day 23 “As we get past our superficial material wants and instant gratification we connect to a deeper part of ourselves, as well as to others and the universe.” -Judith Wright Society today is very much driven by immediate gratification, exemplified with the use of computers, cell phones, and text messaging. Pornography also satisfies the desire for immediate gratification by acting as quick fix or replacement for sex. Take a look at whether the use of technology or porn interrupts true social contact, getting to truly know other people or yourself, especially your relationship with the opposite sex. Is your reputation with yourself and others tinged by sexual objectification or your authentic desire? Building a good relationship as a friend takes genuine contact, time, patience and good intentions. If you continue to use porn on a regular basis , how long will it take to build genuine relationships free from sexual objectification? It takes a good 30 days to really begin to feel better physically, sleep better, and visually see differences in your self. Take the time to get there, and stick with your commitment.
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Day 24 “You are essentially who you create yourself to be and all that occurs in your life is the result of your own making.” -Stephen Richards You have to be honest with yourself as a porn addict that often ‘motivation or lack there of’ was an issue. With that in mind take the time today to take an honest look at your progress. Are there areas that that need a little more attention? Reviewing My Progress Using a scale of 1-10 (1 is needs improvement and 10 is very good) evaluate yourself on the following areas of growth. 1. How well are you doing with taking daily time for yourself to read, meditate and reflect upon goals? 2. How are you doing with completing professional projects, academic work and remaining abstinent? 3. How well are you doing with finding activities and using your support system? 4. How honest are you in your commitment? 5. Are you valuing your life enough that you truly want to stop? 6. Are you willing to go to any length to continue not to use? 7. If you were to relapse, what would your trigger most likely be? 8. How well are you doing with handling the cravings in your surrounding environment? If you are struggling in any of these areas examine if it is something you can improve yourself. If you need assistance remember sources of support you can contact such as support groups and trusted non porn using friends. Make sure you are talking about your struggles. Talk with someone who will keep things confidential.
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Day 25 “Before you attempt to beat the odds,be sure you could survive the odds beating you.” -Larry Kersten The closer we get to success, the closer we can get to over-confidence. Critical times for someone who stops using substances tends to come at one month, three months, six months, and a year. It is easy to tell yourself after six months of not using that one hit won’t hurt. This over-confidence comes in the form of denial. Listed below are different levels of denial to be aware of and recognize when they begin to surface.
Symptoms of Denial Some common techniques of denial often resurface. It is important to remember the types of denial we used while in our using behavior. Identify how you used denial or remember to evaluate this on a regular basis. 1. Outright denial – “I have no problem.” 2. Minimizing – Admitting a problem, but discounting its seriousness 3. Hostility – Defending yourself against those who label you an alcohol or drug user by becoming angry and maybe making threats. 4. Diversion – Changing the subject or dodging the issues. 5. Blaming – Pointing a finger or accusing other people, things or situations for your using. 6. Rationalizing – Using excuses or justification for your use. 7. Intellectualizing – “Analyzing” the problem, looking for causes, or avoiding the personal responsibility for the problem. Don’t let excuses or denial leave you hanging!
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Day 26 One of the common mistakes someone can make when they quit porn and have a slip, is to throw all they have accomplished away. Don’t allow the guilt to take over, or use a relapse as an excuse to keep on watching porn. The list below is to help you understand what to do if a relapse occurs.
What To Do If You Relapse Stop – If you use porn again following a period of abstinence, the first thing to do is tell your self to STOP watching and using all forms of porn immediately. Acknowledge the Relapse– Feeling bad or guilty is a signal to change and not give up and keep using porn. Acknowledge what you feel. Guilt and disappointment are normal under the circumstances of a relapse and you have to work through them. Get Honest – Be honest with yourself. Now that the relapse has occurred, being proactive by taking positive steps is a practical and meaningful way of getting back to abstinence. Get the help you need. Do what worked before. Get Help – Immediately share your slip with some other concerned person, such as a family member, friend, sponsor, counselor, or support person. If you have been relapsing over a period of weeks or months, consider seeking professional intervention. Reflect on What Went Wrong – Journaling is a good way to list and understand the circumstances that contributed to your relapse. Did circumstances include a change in relationship, an alteration of goal-oriented practices, a shift in emotions or maybe an unexpected event? Reflect on What Worked – Evaluate how well you have used your support systems in the past. Had you reduced the number of support activities prior to your relapse? What activities or friends helped to support your abstinence? Write down anything that helped you. Get a Plan – Write out a plan and/or contact an understanding person that can assist you in writing a plan to stop using. Stop the relapse as soon as possible—- regain control. Do what you need to do to be healthy and safe!
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Day 27 “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” -Soren Kierkegaard Taking an honest look at the “bad things” that happened while addicted to porn is one of the hardest things to do. When it comes to use of porn it is easier to focus on what we really thought was exhilarating. If we stay in this thinking, return to use is almost inevitable. It is important to keep all memories in perspective. End positive thoughts of watching porn into a negative ending. For example if you have the thought “Masturbation would be really nice right now” change the thought to, “I could get escalate it and end up depressed because I can't quit, or I could get caught and my significant other would definitely end our relationship.”
A few tips to remember: • Never associate having an orgasm to porn as pleasure. • Reminiscing is a symptom of psychological dependence. • Partners and friends who watch porn are likely to support and encourage the part of your brain that likes to use porn. Hang on to the success you have made.
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Day 28
Quitting porn is just one stepping stone in your life. Often time we begin to reflect on the years we have used porn and the impact we might have had on ourselves. Today you can get a head start on evaluating your “personal legacy” and level of self satisfaction with your life. Do you feel good about your life with porn in it or do you want to change the reputation you have with yourself? It is never too late to get involved and change your personal legacy. If you are struggling with things to do a list of ideas is provided. Hopefully it will motivate other ideas for you. First clarify your goals, values, and priorities. Get regular exercise, daily if you can. Eat a balanced diet with three meals a day. Get as much sleep as you need. Hang around with friends that are healthy positive people and can balance work and social life.
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Day 29 “Meditation is all about the pursuit of nothingness. It's like the ultimate rest. It's better than the best sleep you've ever had. It's a quieting of the mind. It sharpens everything, especially your appreciation of your surroundings. It keeps life fresh.” -Hugh Jackman
Meditation can help most anyone through the toughest of times. Meditation helps us to understand what we can change and what we can control. Use the meditation to help get through the daily professional, relationship or academic stressors that influence the drive to relax by using porn. Meditation might bring relief during a life crisis and be a source of support. A good system of meditation that has been proven to help those addicted to porn is Vipassana meditation. Weigh decisions and emotions and remember the easiest solution is immediate gratification of orgasm. The healthy solution takes maturity, strength, courage, growth and patience. Place trust and value in yourself.
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Day 30 One Day at a Time Congratulations, you have reached day 30! This is no easy task and you should be very proud of your success. Your new freedom from porn can be an important start for changing other parts of your life. When you were surfing porn and masturbating you lost time with learning and appreciating strengths that you have. Now you can use this time to enjoy yourself and the things around you. No longer using porn can be a first step in making other important changes. You can do just about anything else you set your mind to achieve. The same skills that went into planning for and reaching this goal can be applied to other goals in your life. The most important thing to remember is to take life a day at a time and focus on the positives that have come from your decision. Cravings and thoughts about using porn will return from time to time but eventually they will disappear almost completely. Hopefully the suggestions along with the 30 day guide to quitting porn have been beneficial to your decision to quit. Remember you can return to this anytime for support or reminders to assist you. Do something good for yourself today!!!
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End This book could have been full of complicated exercises and affirmations with links back to special treatments at secluded treatment centers that would presumably cure you of addiction, but the truth is that might not be what you are looking for. Instead, I've purposely kept it simple, because sometimes that's all we need. I think instead of looking for every cure and solution to your sex/porn addiction , you should just pick one, and devout all your energy to it. Now that you've completed 30 days, I'd like to give you one secret that will help you live the rest of your life without ever touching porn or getting addicted to sex ever again. The secret is loving yourself. I don't mean “liking yourself” . I mean loving yourself with everything you've got. Look at yourself everyday in the mirror and say “I love myself”. When you love yourself, truly, you won't hurt yourself, or sabotage your health and your relationships for any kind of addiction.
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About the Author: I've fortunate enough to have some tough and amazing experiences in my life so far. I've been educated on three continents, lived in 19 states in the United States, gone from being a depressed, low-self esteem teenager who could never get a date to a self confident man who has dated dozens of amazing women from all over the world. Everything I've achieved in life till date pales in comparison to my experience of quitting pornography. I've struggled with pornography and sex addiction for years. It tainted every aspect of my life. I finally climbed out of that pit and looked back in to see thousands still struggling up that slippery slope. I help the new generation of men who find themselves addicted to sex and porn in a highly sexualized, information saturated society. You can find me online here: Twitter: @ChrisHaven2 Blog: quitporngetgirls.com Please feel free to email me at
[email protected] I'd be honored if you reviewed this book on Amazon. Thank you.
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