project on body language

Bod

y

Language

3/14/2010

Table of Content Introduction...........................................................4-6 Body Language signals..........................................6-7 Communication with body language......................7-8 Non verbal communication.....................................9-19 Improve body language.........................................20-23 The body language advantage...............................24-27. Bad body language................................................27-28 Case study ............................................................29-34 Case study............................................................35-44 10.Important interview information.........................44-45 11. Body language can speek volume during interview..........45-47 12.How to sign............................................................... 13. Conclusion ......................................................... 14.Bibliography ...........................................................

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Picture Contents 1. Non verbal communication………………………………………………………05 2. Eye contact………………………………………………………………………………06 3.

Verbal &Oral communication………………………………………………..….09

4. Arbitrariness,clothing &bodily characteristics……………………………..10 5. Proxemics, chrnemics……………………………………………………………….11 6. Kinesics,Posture……………………………………………………………………....12 7. Gesture………………………………………………………………………………….. 13 8. Haptics,Eye gage……………………………………………………………………….14

9. Paralanguage……………………………………………………………………………..15 10. Dance & Non verbal communication……………………………………………18 11. Body gesture……………………………………………………………………………..30 12. Legs…………………………………………………………………………………………..31 13. Facial expression………………………………………………………………………..32 14. Open and closed…………………………………………………………………………36 15. Mirror………………………………………………………………………………………37 16. Lower drink………………………………………………………………………………39 17. Tuches herself, plam Flash………………………………………………………….40 18. Cross and uncross legs………………………………………………………………...41

19. Coming from same place…………………………………………………………..43-44 20.Signs of body language

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INTRODUCTION

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B

ody language is a powerful source of information about human emotions and

intentions. In daily encounters between people, it constitutes a very important non-verbal means of communication and triggers immediate responses in us and in the observer, which are automatic and often out of our control. Despite its importance, there has been little scientific research to support the intuitive feeling that emotional body language (EBL) is perceived and understood effortlessly. Body language is a form of non-verbal communication, consisting of body pose, gestures, and eye movements. Humans send and interpret such signals unconsciously. It is often said that human communication consists of 93% body language and paralinguistic cues, while only 7% of communication consists of words themselves. Body language plays a huge part in one’s pursuit to create an illustrious personal brand, yet it’s that one tool that so many of us seem to overlook in our pursuit to impress others. In business, it’s as much about how you portray yourself when communicating as it is about the message you are trying to relay. Body language is most certainly a communication device that does convey a message, and it plays a significant role in first impressions. What’s more, because words are not actually spoken, the message you are silently delivering can be interpreted in many ways, leaving it up to the receiver to decipher and perceive as they so chose. Just think about how dangerous it would be if an entire business meeting was conducted using body language alone. I bet you’d make a real conscious effort to ensure yours was perfectly controlled to ensure as positive an impact as possible. You need to imagine every meeting without verbal dialogue and practice your body language until your unspoken communication is as fluid as your spoken. So what factors play a role in body language? Well, a combination of several, including facial expressions, eye contact, mannerisms,posture and body movement. It’s a fact that people react favourably based on the “feeling” they get from omeone, so it’s essential to positively influence those senses to improve your chances of success. On that note, it’s also paramount to respect one’s personal space. There’s nothing worse than having someone infringe upon your personal space, or “bubble” as we often call it. It’s uncomfortable, disrespectful and a bad gauge of someone’s comfort zone. Something as common as a handshake, for instance, can provide clues about one’s personality. Aggressive people have firm handshakes while people with low self-esteem often have a limp handshake. Domineering men often squeeze the hand of women during a greeting, and interestingly, clever women move their index and baby finger in toward their palm, preventing a crushing handshake. This is proven to negate the dominant act while keeping her in equal control. You have to remember that by the time people end up in high-ranking positions, they have pretty much honed their skills for “reading people” in the first 10 seconds.And in those 10 seconds they can ? and will ? form an opinion or impression of you that will most likely last the test of time. Psychologists claim that 45% of our verbal skills impact one’s impression while body language accounts for 55% of that measurement.

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In summary, how your body says something is just as, if not more than, important as what you are actually saying. Want to practice your body language? Look in the mirror or videotape yourself and watch how you appear when speaking on the phone or talking with someone else. Try and almost rehearse how you want to look at all times. Too many people fail to recognize and use body language, and yet it’s one of the most important tools that you actually have control over in your personal branding arsenal. Make sure you are armed and ready to win each battle by sending out the right signals.

BODY LANGUAGE SIGNALS Body language says a lot about a person at work, at home, in relationships, friendships or just talking or watching people in general. Your body sends out signals or messages to someone without you having to say a word. You could be talking to someone and your body language will convey something else entirely. In a business setting, your boss, your coworkers, other people coming and going can all see what you may or may not be saying to someone, whether you use words or not. Observing people is a great way to learn about body language communication and how you talk to people.

1. EYE

CONTACT is very important in body language communication. Make eye and try not to stare. When you look at another person and make eye contact occasionally you show an interest in that person and in what he or she is saying. Staring could mean aggression and recommended often, unless you are interested in someone.

2. FACIAL

is another form of body language communication. Smile and laugh. A smile sends a positive message. Smiling adds warmth and confidence about you. The position of holding you head straight, however, is not the same thing as holding your head on straight, will make you appear self-assured and authoritative. People will take you seriously and take notice. Tilt your head to one side if you want to come across as a friendly and open person. Nodding your head occasionally affirms that you are indeed interested in what the other person is saying. EXPRESS

3. Your arms and legs talk volumes in communicating body language. How you use your arms can help or hurt your image as well. Arms crossed or folded over your chest say that you have shut other people out and have no interest in them or what they are saying. Placing your arms at your side can make you look and feel confident and relaxed to other people around you.

4. Expressing leg movements indicate body language. Excess leg movements indicate nervousness. How you cross them tells other people how you feel. The best professional sitting position is to have your legs crossed at your ankles or both feet on the floor when you

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are sitting down. Standing too close to someone’s space can indicate aggressiveness or unapproachable. Everyone has a different space and if someone backs away from you then you know you were too close to that person and try and remember not to step that close if you talk to that person again. By improving your body language communication, you can make a big difference in people skills, attractiveness and in your overall general mood. Remember to be aware of your body language and that what you are saying to others is the same message. Make sure it is the right message you want to send.

COMMUNICATING

WITH

BODY LANGUAGE

All speakers feel a little nervous, at least when starting a presentation. That is quite natural. As the speaker, you are the centre of attention and you know that everybody is looking at you. What you need to communicate is a feeling of confidence and relaxation. Your body can help you to do this. The clothes you wear, the way you stand or walk, your facial expressions, your hand and arm movements - these are the language of your body, your body language. Body language communicates at least as much as words. Even when you are not speaking, even before you start speaking, your body is communicating to your audience. Actors use body language very effectively. They cannot act without body language. Every time you watch a film on television or in the cinema, you are watching actors using body language to convey a particular character, an emotion, a feeling, a situation.

LOOK ON BODY LANGUAGE AS A POSITIVE , POWERFUL TOOL TO HELP YOU IN YOUR MISSION .

1. First of all, your appearance (clothes, hair etc)! It is essential that you dress appropriately and have well-groomed hair. Your audience will be distracted if your clothes are sloppy or flashy.

2. Smile! When you enter, or as you are being introduced, smile warmly. Not too much! It should be a warm and sincere smile. You may feel nervous at this time. But this is when the audience is assessing and analysing you. So stand erect and remain calm. 3. Do not lean on the podium or table. Leaning on a support suggests to your audience that you are weak or nervous.

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SO

4. Continue to smile slightly at the beginning of your presentation. Then become gradually a little more serious as you tell your audience what you are going to talk about. 5. Do not point your finger at the audience. This can seem very aggressive. If you want to use your hands, show your open palms with your hands spread wide. This is generally an appealing, positive gesture. 6. Use occasional arm movements to underline important points. If you wave your arms around all the time, you will simply distract your audience. You will not communicate your real message. But the occasional arm movement can be useful in stressing something important.

7. Look at your audience. Maintain eye contact. Make eye contact with every person in the room. Do not look only at one person. Look at each person individually, as though you are talking to that person as an individual. Would you buy a car from a car salesman who refused to look at you when talking to you? 8. Do not walk around too much. It may make you feel better to walk up and down like a lion in a cage, but it is distracting for your audience. However, you can certainly walk a little, change your position occasionally, perhaps to make an important point or just to add variety to your presentation. 9. Use your head! Movements of your head and expressions of your face can add weight to what your words are saying. When making a negative point, you can shake your head from side to side. When making a positive point, you can nod your head up and down. You can raise your eyebrows, for example, or remove your glasses for special effect or to underline a point. 10. Control your voice! Speak slowly and clearly. To underline a special point, go even

more slowly. Repeat a sentence if it is important. That's right. Repeat a sentence if it is important. You can also say the same thing again in a different way. Let your voice go up and down in volume (speak loudly, then quietly). And - sometimes - you can just stop speaking completely. Say nothing for a short time. A silent pause is a very powerful way of communicating.

Verbal vs oral communication Scholars in this field usually use a strict sense of the term “verbal“, meaning “of or concerned with words,” and do not use “verbal communication” as a synonym for oral or spoken communication. Thus, vocal sounds that are not

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considered to be words, such as a grunt, or singing a wordless note, are nonverbal. Sign languages and writing are generally understood as forms of verbal communication, as both make use of words — although like speech, both may contain paralinguistic elements and often occur alongside nonverbal messages. Nonverbal communication can occur through any sensory channel — sight, sound, smell, touch or taste. NVC is important as: “When we speak (or listen), our attention is focused on words rather than body language. But our judgement includes both. An audience is simultaneously processing both verbal and nonverbal cues. Body movements are not usually positive or negative in and of themselves; rather, the situation and the message will determine the appraisal.”

History The first scientific study of nonverbal communication was Charles Darwin's book The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals (1872). He argued that all mammals show emotion reliably in their faces. Studies now range across a number of fields, including , linguistics, semiotics and social psychology.

Arbitrariness While much nonverbal communication is based on arbitrary symbols, which differ from culture to culture, a large proportion also to some extent iconic and may be universally understood. Paul Ekman's influential 1960s studies of facial expression determined that expressions of anger, disgust, fear, joy, sadness and surprise are universal.

is

Clothing and bodily characteristics

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Uniforms have both a functional and a communicative purpose. This man's clothes identify him as male and a police officer; his badges and shoulder sleeve insignia give information about his job and rank. Elements such as physique, height, weight, hair, skin color, gender, odors, and clothing send nonverbal messages during interaction. For example:-A study, carried out in Vienna, Austria, of the clothing worn by women attending discotheques showed that in certain groups of women (especially women which were in town without their partners) motivation for sex, and levels of sexual hormones, were correlated with aspects of the clothing, especially the amount of skin displayed, and the presence of sheer clothing, e.g. at the arms. Thus, to some degree, clothing sent signals about interest in courtship. Research into height has generally found that taller people are perceived as being more impressive. Melamed & Bozionelos (1992) studied a sample of managers in the UK and found that height was a key factor affecting who was promoted. Often people try to make themselves taller, for example, standing on a platform, when they want to make more of an impact with their speaking.

Physical environment Environmental factors such as furniture, architectural style, interior decorating, lighting conditions, colors, temperature, noise, and music affect the behavior of communicators during interaction. The furniture itself can be seen as a nonverbal message.

Proxemics Proxemics is the study of how people use and perceive the physical space around them. The space between the sender and the receiver of a message influences the way the message is interpreted.

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The perception and use of space varies significantly across cultures and different settings within cultures. Space in nonverbal communication may be divided into four main categories: intimate, social, personal, and public space.(Scott Mclean, 1969) The distance between communicators will also depend on sex, status, and social role. Proxemics was first developed by Edward T. Hall during the 1950s and 60s. Hall's studies were inspired by earlier studies of how animals demonstrate territoriality. The term territoriality is still used in the study of proxemics to explain human behavior regarding personal space.

Chronemics Chronemics is the study of the use of time in nonverbal communication. The way we perceive time, structure our time and react to time is a powerful communication tool, and helps set the stage for communication. Time perceptions include punctuality and willingness to wait, the speed of speech and how long people are willing to listen. The timing and frequency of an action as well as the tempo and rhythm of communications within an interaction contributes to the interpretation of nonverbal messages. Gudykunst & Ting-Toomey (1988) identified 2 dominant time patterns.

Kinesics

Information about the relationship and affect of these two skaters is communicated by their body posture, eye gaze and physical contact.

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Kinesics is the study of body movements to judge inner state of emotions expressed thro’ different parts of the body.

Posture Posture can be used to determine a participant’s degree of attention or involvement, the difference in status between communicators, and the level of fondness a person has for the other communicator. Studies investigating the impact of posture on interpersonal relationships suggest that mirrorimage congruent postures, where one person’s left side is parallel to the other’s right side, leads to favorable perception of communicators and positive speech; a person who displays a forward lean or a decrease in a backwards lean also signify positive sentiment during communication. Posture is understood through such indicators as direction of lean, body orientation, arm position, and body openness.

Gesture

A gesture is a non-vocal bodily movement intended to express meaning. They may be articulated with the hands, arms or body, and also include movements of the head, face and eyes, such as winking, nodding, or rolling ones' eyes. The boundary

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between language and gesture, or verbal and nonverbal communication, can be hard to identify. Gestures can also be categorised as either speech-independent or speech-related. Speechindependent gestures are dependent upon culturally accepted interpretation and have a direct verbal translation. A wave hello or a peace sign are examples of speechindependent gestures. Speech related gestures are used in parallel with verbal speech; this form of nonverbal communication is used to emphasize the message that is being communicated. Speech related gestures are intended to provide supplemental information to a verbal message such as pointing to an object of discussion. Gestures such as Mudra (Sanskrit) encode sophisticated information accessible to initiates that are privy to the subtlety of elements encoded in their tradition. Hand gestures, i.e., gestures performed by one or two hands, is the most numerous category of gestures due to the ability of the human hand to acquire a huge number of clearly discernible configurations, the fact of importance for the sign languages.

Haptics A high five is an example of communicative touch. Haptics is the study of touching as nonverbal communication. Touches that can be defined as communication include handshakes, holding hands, kissing (cheek, lips, hand), back slapping, high fives, a pat on the shoulder, and brushing an arm. Touching of oneself may include licking, picking, holding, and scratching. These behaviors are referred to as "adaptor" and may send messages that reveal the

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intentions or feelings of a communicator. The meaning conveyed from touch is highly dependent upon the context of the situation, the relationship between communicators, and the manner of touch. Humans communicate interpersonal closeness through a series of non-verbal actions known as immediacy behaviors. Examples of immediacy behaviors are: smiling, touching,open body positions, and eye contact. Cultures that display these immediacy behaviors are known to be high contact cultures.

Eye gaze

The study of the role of eyes in nonverbal communication is sometimes referred to as "oculesics". Eye contact can indicate interest, attention, and involvement. Gaze comprises the actions of looking while talking, looking while listening, amount of gaze, and frequency of glances, patterns of fixation, pupil dilation, and blink rate.

Paralanguage Paralanguage (sometimes called vocalics) is the study of nonverbal cues of the voice. Various acoustic properties of speech such as tone, pitch and accent, collectively known as prosody, can all give off nonverbal cues. Paralanguage may change the meaning of words. The linguist George L. Trager developed a classification system which consists of the voice set, voice qualities, and vocalization.

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The voice set is the context in which the speaker is speaking. This can include the situation, gender, mood, age and a person's culture. 

The voice qualities are volume, pitch, tempo, rhythm, articulation, resonance, nasality, and accent. They give each individual a unique "voice print"



Vocalization consists of three subsections: characterizers, qualifiers and segregates. Characterizers are emotions expressed while speaking, such as laughing, crying, and yawning. A voice qualifier is the style of delivering a message



For example, yelling "Hey stop that!", as opposed to whispering "Hey stop that". Vocal segregates such as "uh-huh" notify the speaker that the listener is listening.

Functions of nonverbal communication Argyle (1970) put forward the hypothesis that whereas spoken language is normally used for communicating information about events external to the speakers, non-verbal codes are used to establish and maintain interpersonal relationships. It is considered more polite or nicer to communicate attitudes towards others non-verbally rather than verbally, for instance in order to avoid embarrassing situations Argyle (1988) concluded there are five primary functions of nonverbal bodily behavior in human communication:

• •

Express emotions Express interpersonal attitudes To accompany speech in managing the cues of interaction between speakers and listeners Self-presentation of one’s personality Rituals (greetings)

Concealing deception Nonverbal communication makes it easier to lie without being revealed. This is the conclusion of a study where people watched made-up interviews of persons accused of having stolen a wallet. The interviewees lied in about 50 % of the cases. People had access to either written transcripts of the interviews, or audio tape recordings, or video

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• • •

recordings. The more clues that were available to those watching, the larger was the trend that interviewees who actually lied were judged to be truthful. That is, people that are clever at lying can use voice tone and face expression to give the impression that they are truthful.

The relation between verbal and nonverbal communication An interesting question is: When two people are communicating face-to-face, how much of the meaning is communicated verbally, and how much is communicated non-verbally? This was investigated by Albert Mehrabian and reported in two papers. The latter paper concluded: "It is suggested that the combined effect of simultaneous verbal, vocal, and facial attitude communications is a weighted sum of their independent effects - with coefficients of .07, .38, and .55, respectively." This "rule" that clues from spoken words, from the voice tone, and from the facial expression, contribute 7 %, 38 %, and 55 % respectively to the total meaning, is widely cited. It is presented on all types of popular courses with statements like "scientists have found out that . ". In reality, however, it is extremely weakly founded. First, it is based on the judgment of the meaning of single taperecorded words, i.e. a very artificial context. Second, the figures are obtained by combining results from two different studies which maybe cannot be combined. Third, it relates only to the communication of positive versus negative emotions. Fourth, it relates only to women, as men did not participate in the study. Since then, other studies have analysed the relative contribution of verbal and nonverbal signals under more naturalistic situations. Argyle , using video tapes shown to the subjects, analysed the communication of submissive/dominant attitude and found that non-verbal cues had 4.3 times the effect of verbal cues. The most important effect was that body posture communicated superior status in a very efficient way. On the other hand, a study by Hsee et al. had subjects judge a person on the dimension happy/sad and found that words spoken with minimal variation in intonation had an impact about 4 times larger than face expressions seen in a film without sound. Thus, the relative importance of spoken words and facial expressions may be very different in studies using different set-ups.

Interaction of communication

verbal

and

nonverbal

When communicating, nonverbal messages can interact with verbal messages in six ways: repeating, conflicting, complementing, substituting, regulating and accenting/moderating.

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Conflicting Verbal and nonverbal messages within the same interaction can sometimes send opposing or conflicting messages. A person verbally expressing a statement of truth while simultaneously fidgeting or avoiding eye contact may convey a mixed message to the receiver in the interaction. Conflicting messages may occur for a variety of reasons often stemming from feelings of uncertainty, ambivalence, or frustration. When mixed messages occur, nonverbal communication becomes the primary tool people use to attain additional information to clarify the situation; great attention is placed on bodily movements and positioning when people perceive mixed messages during interactions.

Complementing Accurate interpretation of messages is made easier when nonverbal and verbal communication complement each other. Nonverbal cues can be used to elaborate on verbal messages to reinforce the information sent when trying to achieve communicative goals; messages have been shown to be remembered better when nonverbal signals affirm the verbal exchange.

Substituting Nonverbal behavior is sometimes used as the sole channel for communication of a message. People learn to identify facial expressions, body movements, and body positioning as corresponding with specific feelings and intentions. Nonverbal signals can be used without verbal communication to convey messages; when nonverbal behavior does not effectively communicate a message, verbal methods are used to enhance understanding.

Regulating Nonverbal behavior also regulates our conversations. For example, touching someone's arm can signal that you want to talk next or interrupt

Accenting/Moderating Nonverbal signals are used to alter the interpretation of verbal messages. Touch, voice pitch, and gestures are some of the tools people use to accent or amplify the message that is sent; nonverbal behavior can also be used to moderate or tone down aspects of verbal messages as well.

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For example, a person who is verbally expressing anger may accent the verbal message by shaking a fist.

Dance and nonverbal communication Dance is a form of nonverbal communication that requires the same underlying faculty in the brain for conceptualization, creativity and memory as does verbal language in speaking and writing. Means of selfexpression, both forms have vocabulary (steps and gestures in dance), grammar (rules for putting the vocabulary together) and meaning. Dance, however, assembles (choreographs) these elements in a manner that more often resembles poetry, with its ambiguity and multiple, symbolic and elusive meanings.

Clinical studies of nonverbal communication From 1977 to 2004, the influence of disease and drugs on receptivity of nonverbal communication was studied by teams at three separate medical schools using a similar paradigm..Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh, Yale University and Ohio State University had subjects observe gamblers at a slot machine awaiting payoffs. The amount of this payoff was read by nonverbal transmission prior to reinforcement. This technique was developed by and the studies directed by psychologist, Dr. Robert E. Miller and psychiatrist, Dr. A. James Giannini. These groups reported diminished receptive ability in heroin addicts and phencyclidine abusers was contrasted with increased receptivity in cocaine addicts. Men with major depression manifested signicantly decreased ability to read nonverbal cues when compared with euthymic men. Obese women and women with premenstrual syndrome were found to also possess diminished abilities to read these cues. In contradistinction, men with bipolar disorder possessed increased abilities.[33]. A woman with total paralysis of the nerves of facial expression was found unable to transmit any nonverbal facial cues whatsoever.Because of the changes in levels of accuracy on the levels of nonverbal receptivity, the members of the research team hypothesized a biochemical site in the brain which was operative for reception of nonverbal cues. Because certain drugs enhanced ability while others diminished it, the neurotransmitters dopamine and endorphin were considered to be likely etiological candidate. Based on the available data, however, the primary cause and primary effect could not be sorted out on the basis of the paradigm employed. A byproduct of the work of the Pittsburgh/Yale/ Ohio State team was an investigation of the role of nonverbal facial cues in heterosexual nondate rape. Males who were serial rapists of adult women were studied for nonverbal receptive abilities. Their scores were the highest of any subgroup. Rape victims were next tested. It was reported that women who had been raped on at least two occasions by different perpetrators had a highly significant impairment in their abilities to read these cues in either male or female senders These results were troubling, indicating a predator-prey model. The authors did note that whatever the nature of these preliminary findings the responsibility of the rapist was in no manner or level,diminished.

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The final target of study for this group was the medical students they taught. Medical students at Ohio State University, Ohio University and Northest Ohio Medical College were invited to serve as subjects. Students indicating a preference for the specialties of family practice, psychiatry, pediatrics and obstetrics-gynecology achieved significantly higher levels of accuracy than those students who planned to train as surgeons, radiologists, or pathologists. Internal medicine and plastic surgery candidates scored at levels near the mean.

Difficulties with nonverbal communication People vary in their ability to send and receive nonverbal communication. Thus, on average, to a moderate degree, women are better at nonverbal communication than men are. Measurements of the ability to communicate nonverbally and the capacity to feel empathy have shown that the two abilities are independent of each other . For people who have relatively large difficulties with nonverbal communication, this can pose significant challenges, especially in interpersonal relationships. There exist resources that are tailored specifically to these people, which attempt to assist those in understanding information which comes more easily to others. A specific group of persons that face these challenges are those with autism spectrum disorders, including Asperger syndrome.

IMPROVE BODY LANGUAGE A proper body language is very much necessary for every sort of communication. It must be remembered that no oral communication is complete without body language; in fact it compliments the oral communication process. If a person doesn’t shows facial expression, doesn’t makes proper gestures and sit firmly without any slight movements while

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talking then he/she will look like a robot.Not only this but body language works a lot in bringing out the personality and attitude of a person and also expresses the type of person he/she is. If your body language is rough and harsh then here are some tips to improve your body languagesome common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.

First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone. You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the world. Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out. You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them. Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours and feelings of weirdness will dissipate. In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.

1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open. 2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them

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all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it. 3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin. 4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly. 5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker. 6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner. 7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant. 8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere. 9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation. 10. Keep you head up - Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.

11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you,

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don’t snap you’re neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead. 12. Don’t fidget – try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements. 13. Use your hands more confidently – instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control. 14. Lower your drink – don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead. 15. Realise where you spine ends – many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture. 16. Don’t stand too close –one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it. 17. Mirror - Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.

18. Keep a good attitude – last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference. For information on how make yourself feel better read 10 ways to change how you feel and for relaxation try A very simple way to feel relaxed for 24 hours.

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You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.

Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.

The Body Language Advantage

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Working with any people, be they team members or clients and customers, creates a need for us to have a complete awareness of our body language signs and those of others.There is a real advantage here. Please read on…… It is notable that we as a race will always consciously or unconsciously read these biological signs of others, but that interpretation has become clouded by the more modern social graces and actions that we have grown accustom to. In simple terms, we forget the basics. These basics when revisited, will give us an immediate insight and advantage with the person that we are about to interact in either negotiation, service, or support. Today’s article will help bring back the skill. Try the ideas with your team and friends. The signs of body language are extensive and many and have been written about in excellent publications. It is interesting to note that the trends of modern society so easily confuse these language signs or in even some circumstances endeavor to divert the signs from our interpretation (eg cosmetics). Make no mistake; you cannot hide the signs from others so it is a far better approach to take up your self mastery and self interpretation.It will open the door to significant opportunity with others. Commonly today we are too busy worrying about the words that someone says and hence we completely overlook the body language that is attached to it. This article covers some of the most obvious basic signs which we know can be immediately used by you and your team. These concepts come from our Workshop series. Managers note: All managers of business teams should use these simple silent body language tools to activate the desired results of the team and pass silent signals to the team regards expected outcomes. Many of us have been in a situation where we have seen a person enter a room exuding something which sends a massive message to all those who see them. That person exudes body language and has mastered the art of displaying the language with confidence and full capability. Managers and Leaders should use this skill with efficiency and regularity.Salespeople note: Salespeople can manage the better negotiation outcomes from the clients and prospects they deal with through the use of body language interpretation skills. The best salespeople match the dialogue of discussion and negotiation to their own body tools. The salesperson that puts these elements together well will far more easily achieve great outcomes. To Set the Scene? To set the scene for this interpretation and explanation of body language it is really important to understand the circumstances in which you can use it. He simple answer is everyday and everywhere.Your body is your brand, and it exudes its own character visually. Whilst your body is covered and clothed, it does carry its own values of communication. The shape, carriage,and movement of the body can betray or support all that you do and say. So how immediate is the interpretation by others of our body? ‘Seconds’ is the active word. Expect the first 10 seconds to be the make or break in the communication. Your biological and physiological body within the clothes is the success equation which is so commonly overlooked by the ordinary business person. Do you ever get the feeling that someone is wearing the clothes but not acting the part? That is the case in point….read on. The masters of negotiation understand that complete and confident communication occurs immediately through the physiology of the body frame (60%), followed by the colours of the body picture (30%), and lastly with the words conveyed (10%).Start taking control of the 100% now and get better outcomes.For the purposes of this article we will not attempt to cover anything beyond the physiology of the body. The subjects of colours, carriage, and verbage, go well beyond physiology and are too long for the purposes of the article.

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So let's imagine a person entering a room. You are the observer. The immediate signs to observe or control and those that have the most impact on you are as follows. ----Head and shoulders -- the squareness of shoulders being both broad and towards the horizontal immediately conveys stability strength and confidence. Those people that exercise regularly, strengthen their shoulders and neck area, immediately enhance the position of the neck and head to that of an angular confidence. The square geometry of the shoulders and head exudes confidence measurably. The shoulders can then more effectively be used as part of the gesture process in discussion. They can show feelings by shrugging, tilting, and positioning. Indeed the movement of your head and shoulders can allow you to answer a question or support a point. Next time you observe the leading and successful politicians in your country on TV, observe the shoulders, you willsoon see the fact at first hand. --The forehead -- imagine the forehead as a flag, even a banner which displays extensive character of the person. The forehead is also greatly affected by the overflow of hair and the positioning of hair (remember the ‘mullet’ hairstyle!). Those people that remove the hair from the forehead through modification to hair design allow their feelings to be more easily conveyed and the picture of their face to be more substantial and impacting. The same can extend and apply to facial hair on men, and if indeed facial hair exists, it should be well groomed so that the features from the face can be interpreted and clearly seen. You can use the forehead and face to convey so much of what you're thinking. The wrinkling of the forehead is interpreted by the reader together with the eyebrows and the tilting of the head. The forehead is most powerful in conveying much of what you say therefore modify your hair design to allow clear vision of your forehead. -- The arms -- the arms are a powerful tool and largely support what you do, say, and send. In essence, the arms should be used naturally and with open gestures suitable for the circumstance at hand. The arms used openly will allow confidence to be shown and will carry a person strongly as they walk into a business or negotiation environment. Ideally the arms should not be cluttered by bulky items which are carried. Any heavy and bulky items (eg brief cases) which are carried into an environment of meeting or negotiation actually restrict the arms to express and flow, and do not then project the confidence that you require. The best salespeople and business people never carry a heavy briefcases or large volumes of clutter to a meeting or negotiation. The best salespeople allow their body to flow into the situation by carrying only the very basic business tools such as a professional folder or diary. In simple terms, once you carry too much clutter with you, you restrict the ability of your body to send messages of confidence. Invariably you send the message that you are a worker and not a decision maker.Start looking like you are in control. Remove visual burden and restriction today. -- The fingers and hands -- the fingers and hands are the extension of the arms. If the arms are used confidently then the fingers and hands should be an extension of theshoulder and arm gestures that you are conveying in the meeting situation. Hands that are closed and covered give the feeling of both restrictive and limiting communication. By direct contrast, the person that opens their hands and shows their fingers and upward palms to others in the meeting situation gives a feeling of open communication and supporting their point of discussion well. To be most convincing the person must use their hands and fingers in an open and outwards way, taking time to deliberately open their palms in the vision line of the other person. As a direct example of this point, we have seen people that may stand at the front of the room and hide their hands behind their back or even put hands in their pockets. Whilst the individual has done this most likely for their own lack of confidence in the relative circumstances, this immediately conveys that message to the receiver (the receiver knows you are at a point of

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weakness). The strength of the meeting of negotiation is lost.From today onwards, use the hands to extend your confidence and the value of the arms .Allow the hands and arms to flow freely thereby exerting confidence and message support Negotiate with true effect. -- The eyes -- connecting with those to whom you are communicating is further supported strongly by the eyes. People look to your eyes for silent messages. The value of the message is enhanced by the head, forehead, and shoulders around the eyes. Singularly the eyes can convey thoughts and ideas with great power and focus. The eyes give the reader a significant idea of what is going on in your mind as you convey the matter or subject required. No matter what you may be endeavoring to say, the eyes will give away the true story. Whether you are communicating to one person or many, the eyes will still be seen and will be the major connecting tool to those who are observing you. Ensure that your eyes connect and hold the attention of the other person. You can even do this in a large room with a great number of people by individually eye contacting those that are hearing you. Your message gets through. In using the eyes you can do one of two things and that is-look at the other person's eyes and a few inches into the eyes with a steady and strong gaze. This conveys steady personal confidence in the connection. as a direct alternative to the previous gaze, try looking at a point directly between the other person's eyes so that you do not feel that you're staring each other down. This removes the problem of their interference in your gaze. Also understand that the pupils of the eyes dilate when matters of untruth or uncertainty are conveyed. You will not be able to control this pupil dilation so do not put yourself in circumstances where the eyes convey the real truth in your discussion to the receiver; you will destroy much of your communication and message. Remember the situations you see where people who are verbally challenged or deeply interviewed, tend to wear sunglasses to avert the interpretation of their eyes.Whilst it is not intended that you wear sunglasses in a business meeting environment with clients, be very careful with the message sent by your eyes. The eyebrows -- the eyebrows are an extension of the eyes and will naturally be used in conveying a point of discussion. Great leaders typically have bushy eyebrows and use them as flags and tools of gesture to support the mechanism of the eyes. In some ways heavy rimmed glasses will distort the value of both the eyes and the eyebrows. In meetings of importance try removing glasses or wearing contact lenses. For those that must wear glasses, they should choose glasses which allow the eyes and the eyebrows to be clearly seen and hence to be effective in tools communication. Considering the eyebrows further, it is common in some communities and with some genders for eyebrows to be enhanced, removed, or penciled with cosmetic tools. Take care with this activity because the unnatural enhancement of eyebrows dramatically changes the character of the face and its ability to communicate. Females of heavy cosmetic enhancement in the eye area can radically change the message that they convey, to the point that the message can be confused and differently interpreted. -- the nose -- interestingly, the nose can do very little singularly but it is a tool to enhance or destroy communication. If the owner of the nose chooses to touch the area in communicating a point, they will immediately signify uncertainty or untruths to the receiver. It can also show that you are puzzled by what you are saying. It confuses the point received by the other person.the ears -- again this is an area which does little on its own, however they are directly affected by the activities of the hands in conveying a point of discussion. One great Australian politician was well-known for touching the ears and pulling the ear lobe as part of communicating and speaking. He couldn’t control his actions and stop the process. This immediately conveyed confusion, uncertainty, and even untruths in the point that was being spoken. In simple terms do not touch the face, nose, or ears in any major point of discussion as it will be immediately interpreted negatively by the receiver. presence or gait a strong presence exudes confidence. Presence is only created through significance skills of

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body language can indication in interpretation. In a later article we will expand on the findings of the ‘Alexander Principle’. It is an exceptional tool in meeting others. If you have an interest now, try searching the internet on the subject. You will get significant information on this advantage of communication. Summary These tools above are physiological in nature and biological in interpretation. Essentially we are designed and created from the animal community which still forms part of our interaction with others in our daily lives. Take time to study the matters above and modify your circumstance so that the tools to do indeed become powerful and effective in any environment to which you work and live.

Bad Body Language A recently conducted survey concluded that your actions speak louder than your words, which indicates the importance of body language in the process of communication. Food and Beverage is a service related sector and hence communication plays a very important role here. Hence is you are a part of restaurant management or you own a food and beverage business you have to be sure that your staff is well equipped with a great body language. On the hind side, the problem is that if you cannot work on the body language of your staff, your business image could go for a toss. Everything from the facial expression to the pose of the body speaks a lot about the owners and restaurant management. If you want to save your food and beverage business from being embarrassed due to a lousy body language of the staff you’ll have to equip them with the right kind of training. Before your staff understands what they have to do from a proper restaurant training guide or a service SOP it is very important that you can make them understand about things that need to be avoided. The body language of a person can be determined by 3 factors, which are: 1) Head and face 2) Hands and arms 3) Body and legs.

1) Head & Face: This deals with the facial expressions and the way your staff projects itself. There are a number of things that should be avoided by your service staff which includes things like yawning, humming, chewing gum, burping or sniffing, sucking teeth or even rolling the eyes or head. These are bad manners and can irritate or annoy your guests. 2) Hands & Arms: A lot of people will get disgusted if your staff is using their hands and arms for purposes like digging their noses, scratching, fidgeting or cleaning nails. Even when hands are placed in the pocket, they can seem to look to casual and unprofessional. 3) Body & Legs: Leaning your body to a wall or tapping your feet continuously can be quite a distraction for the guests and moreover these represent an impatient and

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impolite body language. Stretching is another example of bad body language that your staff in the food and beverage industry should strictly avoid. Keeping away from the mistakes mentioned above you staff can avoid all possible problems that your guests would dislike. At the same time you should be able to train them to match their pace with the guests. The style of working, talking and presenting should be neither such that the guest should feel rushed nor should he/she complain about slow service. You should be very careful that your staff has the right body language so that your guests can feel understood and respected and they would cherish the experience. At the end you can be sure that with this feeling your guests will repeat the experience at your food and beverage place.

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CASE SYUDY-1

FELINE

BODY

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UNDERSTANDING LANGUAGE

The giving and interpreting of sign language is innate in cats. The house cat has an exceptionally vast supply of many forms of expression. Domestic cats have advanced far beyond their wild ancestors in the capacity to develop new forms of social organization and communication. They use their bodies and facial expressions to communicate their intentions to all around them. By studying the various signals that make up the cat’s language, you will find that you will better understand the messages your cat is trying to convey. A basic understanding of this language will aid in deepening the bonds of friendship with your feline companion.

BODY GESTURES

Happy, Friendly Defensive

Content

Threatened,

Gestures are body positions and movements that convey a message. The cat’s ability to erect the hairs on certain parts of her body must also be included.

BODY A stretched body can indicate that the cat is sure of herself or prepared to attack. A contracted body indicates fear. The arched back conveys the idea that the cat is in readiness for defense. Aggression is expressed with erect ears, constricted pupils and tail swings in low arcs close to the body. A defensive cat crouches in a cringing position with her eyes averted and ears flat and thumps the top of her tail on the ground. A happy cat relaxes her whiskers, perks up her ears and holds her head and tail high in the air.

HEAD A head stretched forward is ready for contact. Facial expressions and other gestures indicate whether the encounter is antagonistic or friendly. A cat feeling dominant raises her head, and inferior feelings cause the head to lower. If the head is lowered in a jerky manner and the chin is pulled in or the head turned sideways, the cat is displaying a lack of interest. The cat uses this gesture if she desires not to provoke or be provoked when encountering another cat.

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When meeting another cat that is being very persistent, the cat that wants to avoid contact will raise her head high and pull it far back.

LEGS Stretching legs to their full length is a sign of self-confidence. Depending on the facial expression, this gesture could also mean a readiness to attack. A cat bends her hind legs to convey her uncertainty or timidity. By bending the forelegs, the cat is expressing her desire to avoid conflict, while stating she will defend herself if necessary. Complete defensiveness is communicated by bending both fore and hind legs. A slightly raised paw indicates readiness to defend herself.

Playful

Angry

Back-Off

SubmissiveTail

TAIL The tail is one of the best barometers of feline mood. A still, raised tail means a friendly greeting. A sudden whip of the tail shows a threat of impending attack. The highly excited cat waves her tail from side to side in jerky, rapid motions. The top of a tail moving means slight dissatisfaction or impatience. A relaxed cat allows the tail to hang straight down. A tail held straight out behind indicates caution. The top ships back and forth in moments of great excitement.

Hair When the cat is afraid, the hair on her body stands erect, fairly evenly all over the body. A cat who is ready to attack or trying to threaten will raise its hair in a narrow strip all along the spine and the tail. In this mood the hair will incline slightly toward the middle of both sides, forming a sharp ridge.

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Facial Expressions

Happy

Angry

Frightened

Playful

Content

CHEEK RUFF The cheek muscles pull the cheek ruff downward and toward the throat during excitement or expectation mixed with fear. A pulsing rhythm is sometimes present. This is easy to see in cats with prominent cheek ruffs, such as those with Persian ancestry.

EARS Ears pointed forward can convey friendly interest and different degrees of attentiveness or suspense. Ears that are pricked up and turned slightly backward indicate a warning that an attack is contemplated. Ears that are raised and twisted back combined with hissing mean that a cat is ready to attack. Ears fully erect but furled back indicate anger. A frightened cat lays the ears down flat. Ears that are bent back and drawn down sideways can signal a defensive attitude, fear or readiness to take flight. A cat playing or hunting will hold the ears open, erect and slightly forward.

LIPS Movements of the lips are usually combined with some type of sound. The grimace is a response to certain smalls. The mouth is slightly open, with the nose and upper lip drawn upward expressing displeasure or disgust. The mouth is open very slightly and the nose is barely wrinkled. Another lip gesture is embarrassment. The mouth may stay open or closed, with the lips drawn back and not too far upward. The nose is not wrinkled. At the same time the head will swing slowly from side to side. This gesture expresses friendly rejection to another cat approaching with friendly intentions, and translated means “please be kind and leave me alone.”

PUPILS Narrowed pupils may indicate aggressive threat, tension or a heightened interest. Surprise, fear and a defensive attitude are expressed by dilated pupils. Mood shifts can be magnified by changes in light, since the size of the pupils depends on light. A cat’s eyes can speak volumes about how they are feeling: 1 If your cat’s eyes are wide open and looking at you, she is saying, "I'm listening." 2 If her eyes are half closed it means, "I'm sleepy." 3 If her eye pupils look like slits she is telling you that she is feeling alert and confident.

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4 A “bug-eyed” looks means, "I'm frightened"...so be careful! 5 If she is blinking and winking at you, she is very content. 6 If your kitty’s eyes are clouded, she is likely very relaxed but may be ill, so keep an eye on her! 7 A kitty whose eyes are staring straight at you is saying, "Stay away." A stare is a challenge.

WHISKERS The position of the whiskers says a great deal. When a cat is excited, tense and ready to act, the whiskers will be pointed forward and fanned out. On a calm or comfortable cat, the whiskers point outward and are less spread apart. This position can also mean a friendly disposition or indifference. A cat that is hunting prey will thrust her whiskers forward. The shy, timid or reserved cat will bunch the whiskers together and flatten them out to the side of the face. Whiskers flat against the face signify the cat is frightened.

VOCALIZATIONS Cats have a different vocal apparatus from humans. They can vocalize when exhaling as well as inhaling. The variations in the phonetic quality of sounds are achieved mainly by changing the tension of the throat and oral muscles and by changes in the speed of air moving over the vocal cords. The position of the tongue is not as important as it is in human speech. There are three general sound categories in cat vocalization. Murmuring comprises the soft sounds used for acknowledgment, approval, attention, calling and greeting; purring is included in this group. The majority of these sounds are formed with the mouth closed. The vowel sounds are another category of sound. Cats use these particular sounds, which consist of the meows, in very specific context. Most cats have an impressive vocabulary of these sounds to express needs such as hunger, gratitude, in or out, “no,” “come here,” “move over,” to name a few. Cats seem to train their humans more readily to this part of their language than any other. The last group is made up of high-intensity, strained sounds. These are usually reserved for cat-to-cat communications and consist of the hiss, spit, growl, wail and snarl. Such sounds generally indicate anger, pain or frustration. When directed at humans these sounds mean, “Leave me alone, NOW.”

PURRING It is thought that this sound originated as a vocalization of kittens to tell a mother they are content. When they produce this sound while nursing, it does not interfere with suckling, and sound contact can be maintained with the mother cat. A mother cat purrs when approaching her kittens in order to reassure them of her presence. Older kittens purr when they are trying to get an older cat to play with them. Adult cats purr when all is well with their world. A dominant cat will purr when approaching another cat with playful or peaceful intentions. A sick cat will purr in order to try to soothe a potential aggressor. It is not known how cats purr. One theory maintains that it is the vibration of the false vocal cords. Another theory suggests that it is the result of turbulence in the bloodstream of the vena cava (the main vein returning to the heart).

GURGLING A high-pitched gurgle means a friendly greeting. This sound is sometimes combined with gentle meows to become a chatting sound that will vary in quality in cats. It is a social contact

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sound. The cat has a tremendous capacity for variation on this sound. It seems to play an important role in vocal exchanges, but it has not yet been studied in depth.

MEOWING The vowel sounds a cat makes are the meowing sounds and are used in specific context. These sounds form distinct words in that the cat closes her mouth after making each sound. These sounds are used in communicating with humans, and the manner in which a cat pronounces them gives the individual a specific voice. Cats have a broad range of several types of meows. The best known of the meow sounds is that of an unhappy kitten. A short, high meow in adults expresses discontent or unhappiness. A hungry cat shows displeasure with loud, almost screaming meows. A cat seeking attention or wanting to be petted will meow softly.

CATERWAULING This is a song of threat and war, sometimes called wailing. It is the sound that rival tomcats emit as they approach each other. It is often mistaken by humans to be a love song between a tom and a queen.

GROWLING This sound is usually accompanied by a facial expression. Growling indicates offense rather than defense. When growling, the corners of the mouth are drawn up more than the upper lip. Repeated growling will eventually turn into snarling.

HISSING This is a common sound. When hissing, the cat will open her mouth about halfway, drawing back the upper lips and arching the tongue. The breath is expelled with force. This is why a cat will shy away if you blow in her face. The expression of hissing without sound will succeed in repulsing a cat. Screeching This sound seems to have evolved from a meowing sound and is usually used to mean distress.

SPITTING This is a warning or threatening sound. It is a sudden and violent non-vocal sound, accompanied by a forepaw hitting the ground. Cats use this sound as a bluff when approached by an attacker.

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CASE STUDY-2

Conversations Without Words Most of us are slightly afraid as well as somewhat excited in settings where social interaction is expected and required. So, most people do not sit or stand in an open posture. But, during

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courtship, the more open the other person’s posture is, the more open that person is to you and your advances.

OPEN AND CLOSED If you’re wide open while sitting, your posture is similar to Abe Lincoln’s in the Lincoln Memorial. Your feet are flat on the floor. Your hands are relaxed, not clenching anything. And, you’re not holding a drink in front of yourself as a symbolic barrier. While standing, you’re open when your hands are not in your pockets. You are not leaning against anything. Your feet are flat on the floor. And, your drink is not in front of you.

OPEN AND CLOSED When the person’s posture is open, he’s open to you, your ideas, and possibly your advances. In the left photo, notice that although he’s smiling, he is gripping his knee tightly indicating he’s controlling himself. Also notice the beer can is held high in front as a barrier. In the right picture, both feet are firmly planted on the ground indicating he is sincere. Notice that his arms are down and that his hands are open and relaxed, signs of openness and sincerity. His head is slightly tilted and he’s leaning a bit forward. Both indicate interest.

MIRROR, MIRROR This topic applies to a man approaching and interacting with a woman just as it obviously applies the other way ’round. In body language jargon, it’s called mirroring. If you’re in the same emotional place as the other person, your posture is the mirror image theirs. It also can mean that you are interested in each other.

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MIRRORING These people are sitting in almost exactly the same position, so they are about in the same place emotionally. But, notice she’s holding onto her shin and does not have her foot completely flat on the floor. The man must take his time until she’s more open and relaxed. When you notice the other person is standing or sitting in about the same manner as you are, he, or she, is in about the same emotional place. During courtship, subconsciously, all of us tend to adopt the same posture as the person we are interested in. When talking with someone we are attracted to, we usually mirror them. More fascinating, we often mirror somebody we are interested even if that person is across the room and we are stuck talking with a bore! One more time. You cannot not communicate.

RAISE YOUR AWARENESS Pay attention when you are at a party. Lots of people always gather in the kitchen. Look around. Notice if anyone is mirroring another person’s body language. They may be interested in each other, then again, they could simply be in the same emotional state. Look for other signals to confirm or deny the interest you suspect. At the same time, consciously adopt the body language of the person you’d like to meet and talk with

FIRST CONVERSATION SIGNALS Men, pay attention to all the ways she communicates during the first few minutes as you talk with her. Women, let him know what you want. Nearly all of these signals apply to both men and women. The ones that apply only to women are indicated by italics.

KEEP TALKING MOVE ON Alert, energetic Tense, restless Pupils dilated Normal or small pupils Gradually opens posture Posture remains closed Lowers drink Keeps drink high Touches self gently Grips or pinches self

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Caresses objects Squeezes, taps objects Crosses and uncrosses legs Legs remain crossed Flashes of palm Back of hand gestures Crossed legs steady Swings crossed legs Dangles shoe on toe Keeps shoe on Hands never touch face Touches face Touches you any reason Never touches you Feet firmly on floor Feet on edges or toes Loosens anything Tightens anything Leans forward Leans away Steady hands, feet Tapping, drumming

ALERT, ENERGETIC Ready for action with you. Contrast with relaxed, casual postures when sitting or standing. Especially positive and revealing when the person shifts from casual to alert during the conversation.

GRADUALLY OPENS POSTURE In social settings, most of us start out in a closed, defensive posture because we’re a bit apprehensive. A closed posture feels safe. When the person you are talking with shifts to a more open posture, it signifies trust and comfort. That person is, literally, opening up to you and what you have to offer.

LOWERS DRINK Most people in social settings hold a drink in front of themselves as a barrier. When the person you are talking with lowers his, or her, drink, the barrier between you is coming down. As always, it is most effective if you lower your drink first. The other person often follows your lead.

CARESSES OBJECTS sensually, it usually person wants to caress to caress them.

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If done means the you or wants you

CARESSING A GLASS The most common object fondled is a drink. Women tend to stroke the glass up and down. Men usually run a finger around the lip. The symbolism is obvious. Caution! Occasionally, when a woman touches something sensitively, it can be a subtle signal for reassurance. Subconsciously, she may want you to gently reassure her. You may be too close physically or you’re talking about a topic that makes her anxious. Move back and change the subject if you read this gesture as nervousness.

TOUCHES HERSELF If done in a gentle, sensuous manner it means the same as caressing an object—the person wants to touch you or wants you to touch them. However, this can also be an attempt at reassuring one’s self. It depends on everything that came before. The same caution as above applies.

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FLASHES OF PALM She shows you the palm of her hand during conversation in brief flashes. She is making herself submissive and vulnerable. One interpretation is, “My hands are up. I surrender.” Another way of seeing it, “I have no weapon. I won’t hurt you.”

PALM FLASH Women only. She shows you the palm of her hand during conversation while checking her ear ring or adjusting her hair or gesturing with her hands. This signal is hard to see because it is so brief and it does not appear to be flirting. Reliable if you can notice it. Focus your awareness on looking for palm flashes ahead of time and you’ll be able to see it or the opposite gesture, described in the photo below.

BACK OF HAND Women only. The exact opposite of a palm flash. One interpretation is “See my wedding ring? I’m not interested.” Another is “This is not a fist, yet. Beat it!” Often disguised, as in the photo.

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CROSSES AND UNCROSSES LEGS Women only. When sitting with a skirt on, she’s flashing a bit of thigh to entice you. When sitting with pants on, she is subconsciously doing the same thing. However, when standing, she is probably just be trying to get comfortable or it may indicate she’s excited and ready to go.

DANGLES SHOE ON TOE Women only. When sitting with her legs crossed, she wiggles her heel out of the shoe, then lets the shoe dangle on her toes. Opening up and loosening up to you. It’s a subconscious first step in disrobing. STEADY HANDS, FEET, LEGS Stable means relaxed, not reluctant or hesitant. When feeling negative emotions, both men and women fidget, tap or drum something. As mentioned, females are taught to sit still. Consider that when interpreting a woman’s wiggling feet. LOOSENS ANYTHING Loosening up to you. It can be unbuttoning, unzipping or untying. A man loosens his tie for the same reason that a women lets her shoe dangle on her toes. It’s symbolic disrobing.

LEANS FORWARD This simple gesture says all of this: You have my attention. I want to hear what you have to say. I want to see you more clearly. I want to be closer to you. Very powerful and very reliable. SHE TOUCHES YOU ANY REASON

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Touching is possession or to verify what one sees. When she touches you, even “accidentally” she’s interested. Men, keep your hands to yourself until she touches you. Attention Men! No matter where, when or how a woman touches you, it is a strong signal of interest. Women often “accidentally” touch a man they are interested in as they make their way to the bar or rest room. Caution! Women who are Rapo players touch men early and often. Men who touch women before the women touch them are probably manipulators and liars, as mentioned. HANDS NEVER TOUCH FACE As mentioned, when someone touches himself above the neck, it usually means he’s lying or he doesn’t believe what you are saying. FEET FIRMLY ON FLOOR Feet that are solidly grounded mean the person is taking a stand, is not reluctant or hesitant. However, feet that are not solidly grounded usually mean trouble ahead. COMING FROM THE SAME PLACE People who are in different emotional states don’t enjoy talking with each other. For example, if you are bold and confident and I’m nervous, I won’t be able to relax and be pleasant, thus you won’t enjoy talking with me. The End. So, you must appear to be in about the same place as the person you are attempting to court. Men, if her posture is open, that’s good. Match her posture and remain open as you talk. If her posture is closed, match her posture, then as you are conversing, gradually open up, one small step at a time. If she doesn’t follow your first few shifts toward openness, stop. She’s not ready or is not interested. When there are good vibrations between the two of you, adapt you posture to match hers and wait a few more minutes before trying to slowly open up again. While you are slowly moving from a closed position to an open position, she has time to realize that you are not dangerous and could be interesting. Only after she has discovered (1) that you are safe and (2) interesting, can she find you attractive.

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MOVE FROM CLOSED TO OPEN This series of photos show you what to do if the other person is not in an open posture. Although this example shows a man going first and becoming vulnerable, women can do the same thing. First adjust your stance so that your posture approximates hers. As you talk, gradually and carefully shift your posture to a more open position, one step at a time. Subconsciously, the other person often follows your lead and “opens up to you” because you made yourself vulnerable first. In the top photo, the man has adopted the same posture as the woman. In the middle photo, he has moved from completely closed to semi-open by uncrossing his arms and putting his hands in his pockets. In the bottom photo, he has become completely vulnerable by putting his hands behind himself. She has mirrored his posture. When women adopt this position, it causes their breasts to protrude slightly, which commands the man’s attention. Also, when women stand in this position, they appear to be slightly submissive, thus safe

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FROM CLOSED TO OPEN AND BEYOND In this sequence of photos , you can see many signs of interest. Overall, as the two are talking, the woman moves from a closed posture to an open posture. Study the photos carefully and you can notice that the man mirrors her actions. The encounter begins with her arms crossed and with her ankles locked under the chair. As the conversation continues, she unlocks her ankles and puts her feet flat on the floor, sits up and leans toward the man. Next she uncrosses her arms. Notice that her hands are open and relaxed as she leans even closer. In the last photo, she is touching herself gently in a sensuous way. At the end of the first conversation, many subtle and indirect signals have been exchanged. However, during Further Conversations Without Words, the next chapter, more nonverbal signals are exchanged. Some of them will still be subtle. Many will be somewhat obvious. But a few will be blatant!

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Important Interview Information ► BODY LANGUAGE How does the interviewer (the one asking the questions) look while talking to the interviewee (the one answering the questions)?

GOOD • • • • •

Makes direct eye contact Sits facing the person Legs crossed at ankles Arms at side or in front Shoulders up and back straigt

BAD Looks away or rolls eyes Sits facing away from the person Legs crossed at thighs Arms crossed Shoulders slumped or slouching

► SPEAKING What does the interviewer sound like while talking to the interviewee?

GOOD • • • • •

Speaks slowly Good articulation of words Fluctuates voice (high and low) Speaks loudly Does not interrupt

BAD Speaks very fast Words mumbled; not understood Uses monotone speech Speaks softly or quietly Interrupts the interviewee

► INTERVIEW QUESTIONS What type of questions does the interviewer ask the interviewee?

• • •

Asks open-ended questions responses Asks questions that relate to the interviewee Is ready to ask questions

BAD Asks questions that require one- or two-word Asks questions that do not seem to relate to the interviewee Is not ready to ask questions; seems unprepared

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GOOD

Body language can speak volumes during interview The most important communication during a job interview is often the unspoken kind. Body language, or nonverbal communication, can let interviewers know more about you than what you tell them. "We have all experienced instances in which someone is saying one thing and their nonverbal communication says another. We usually believe the nonverbal," says Susan Bixler, author of five books on professional image and president of The Professional Image in Atlanta. "It's an absolutely critical element in the job interview process. The best resume, the absolute best spoken words don't get an individual a job." There are many opportunities during a job interview to display bad - and good - nonverbal communication. Here's how to make the most of what your body is saying.

Shake on it Your interviewer's initial nonverbal impression of you comes through your first point of contact - the handshake. Don't be afraid to display a strong, firm handshake. Doing otherwise can make you seem insecure and lacking in confidence. "You think that's simple – everyone knows how to shake hands but that's not true," says Sherry Maysonave, communication image consultant and author of "Casual Power" (Bright Books, $29.95)."People tend not to slide their palm in far enough, they tend to think it may be bone-crushing." Don't be timid - slide your palm all the way in and deliver a firm, confident handshake.

Musical chairs If you have several seating options to choose from, ask your interviewer for instructions - don't just ssume and take a seat.How you sit, too, is as important as where you sit. "If you are sitting on the edge of the seat it can make you look eager but also scared,like you are ready to bolt out of the room, "Maysonave says. "Go ahead and slide to the back of the chair and sit tall and straight.That will make you look confi dent and comfortable."Women should not cross their legs and instead sit with their knees together. Men should avoid sitting with their legs too wide apart or crossed with the ankle on top of the knee. Both of these positions convey a comfort level that's inappropriate to the job interview situation."Anything that creates an intimacy before there's a rapport established will signal to the interviewer that you don't use good judgement and that you resort to inappropriate behavior," Maysonave says.Also, make sure you consistently maintain a comfortable space - about 3 feet - from your interviewer. Shortening that space can feel invasive and, again, inappropriately intimate .

Hands down

Nervous hand habits, like nail biting, hair twirling and hand twitching, can distract the interviewer and convey nervousness and insecurity. You can sit with your hands clasped together or hold on to a mall briefcase or organizer through the interview,Maysonave says. Avoid steepling your fingers, articularly in an upright position,when answering a question."This can be perceived as arrogant,saying 'I know more about this subject thanyou do,'" Maysonave says.

The eyes have it We have all heard that eye contact is important - it conveys confidence and respect - but too much eye contact can be bad, too."You don't want to make eye contact for more than three or five seconds. It's too intense to sustain it the whole time - the key is make it, break it, make it, break it," Bixler says. Avoiding eye contact, especially while answering a question, can convey dishonesty.

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Practice makes perfect Because most forms of nonverbal communication are practiced subconsciously, the best way to getrid of bad habits is to become aware of them. Get a friend or family member to practice interview situations with you. Using a video camera to tape the mock sessions can be even more helpful.“Play the video and view it with a critical and detached eye," Bixler says. "Ask yourself, 'What would I like and not like about this person nonverbally? What's making me feel comfortable, making me feel like I can build a rapport with this person?'" Get your mock interview partner to ask the tough questions that would make you nervous and susceptible to bad body language. "Notice what you do under pressure and be conscious of it," Maysonave says. "The awareness is half the battle."

Nonverbal cues offer insight into interview Don't just listen to what your interviewer is saying - watch his or her body language. It can reveal how he interview is going."If the interviewer touches her nose, she is disapproving somewhat of what you're saying. If she looks at her watch or shuffles papers, you're not on track," says Sherry Maysonave, a communication-image consultant. "If she leans toward you, she is engaged and is really listening and taking you seriously. If she's leaning back far into the chair, she is evaluating you with a critical eye." If your interviewer suddenly switches gears - from relaxing in a chair to sitting upright, for example - you may have said something that the interviewer needs to evaluate from a different perspective.You can tell a difficult question is coming if the interviewer places his fingertips together in an upright, steeple-like fashion."This signals that he has disconnected from the interviewee, and is thinking about what he will say next,possibly considering how to say something unpleasant or uncomfortable or how to ask a delicate or emotionally-charged question,"Maysonave says.And don't ignore the obvious signs."If the interviewer stands up, the interview is over," Maysonave says.

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HOW TO SIGN American Sign Language (AMESLAN)

American Sign Language is a form of language used by people who are deaf or who have a hearing impairment. Concepts and ideas are represented through the use of manual signs, fingerspelling, and symbols. Each country has its own version of the manual alphabet. For example, some countries use one hand while others use both hands for the alphabet. AMESLAN uses only one hand. Speed, motion, and force of signs The speed of the sign influences the meaning of the sign. You can speed up or slow down the sign to alter the meaning. For example, the sign “hurry” is moved more rapidly when one is saying, “Hurry, we’re leaving now,” than when saying, “Don’t hurry, we have plenty of time.” Another example is the sign for “require” which becomes “demand” when made more forcibly. The more forceful the sign and the stronger the facial expression, the stronger the feeling in either the positive or negative direction.

Direction of the Sign The same sign made in different directions can give opposite meanings. For example, the sign “give” is motioned towards the person signing to mean, “give to me;” however, when it is motioned away from the person signing, it means “give to you.”

Understanding Signs It is not uncommon for new or beginning signers to have difficulty understanding other persons signing to them. People who are deaf or have a hearing impairment and who use sign language will be patient with you when you do not understand them.

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Plurals and Tenses When signing to adults, there is usually no need to show the plural and tense of words that you are signing. Sometimes a sign can be repeated several times to represent the plural form.

Characteristics of AMESLAN 1. Whenever possible, it condenses and often makes use of facial expression and body language rather than words to convey ideas. 2. Omits articles. For example, a, an, and the. 3. Often uses just one sign plus body and facial expression for a complete statement or idea. For example, happy. 4. Uses one sign concept to cover several English words. 5. Shows tense by context or by adding such signs as: past, finished, later, not yet, and after a while. 6. Presents shorter sentences in various word orders, any of which are acceptable. 7. Uses little fingerspelling.

Finger spelling Hand positioning: • The palm of the hand should face the person(s) with whom you are communicating. • Hold your arm in a comfortable position. • The hand should not block your lips.

Flow and Rhythm: • Each letter should be signed clearly, distinctly, and crisply with a slight pause between words. The pause is indicated by holding the last letter of the word for several seconds.

Vocalization: • The words you finger spell should be spoken at the same time. The individual letters should not be spoken.

Double letters in a word: • The hand is opened slightly in between the first and second letter.

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CONCLUSION: Body language is the most crucial part of any communication. Fine tuning body language helps ordinary persons to become an extra ordinary persons thereby excelling in all walks of life. Improving your body language can make a big difference in your people skills, emotional intelligence, attractiveness and general mood. The difference between the good leaders and great leaders is the right application of body language to convey, enthuse and inspire their followers.

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Bibliography

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