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The Key To Me Seminar
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To thine own self be true . . .
Andra Munteanu Trainer: Dragos Bucurenci
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THE KEY TO ME SEMINAR * To thine own self be true . . .
Taibi Kahler, Ph.D.
COPYRIGHT 1997 BY TAIBI KAHLER ASSOCIATES, INC. All rights reserved in all parts and accessories. No part of this Key To Me Seminar workbook, answer sheet, profile, and the accessories may be printed or reproduced by any means, electronic, mechanical, or photographic, or portrayed, translated, or included in any information storage and retrieval system, or used to print or otherwise reproduce a computer-generated interpretation, without permission in writing from the publisher, Kahler Communications, Inc. 11815 Hinson Road, Little Rock, Arkansas 72212, E-mail:
[email protected]. Only a Kahler Communications, Inc. Key to Me Certified Trainer may teach this seminar. As this seminar manual contains a personalized profile report intended solely for the use with the Key To Me seminar, neither the manual nor the personalized profile report sections may be used in any (other) teaching, training, consulting, or counseling settings or situations.
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Acknowledgments I am grateful to and respectful of Paul Ware, M.D., for his diagnostic classifications by traits and characteristics. The concept of the Six Personality Types is based on this approach of categorizing by patterns or styles; and to Eric Berne, M.D., for his concept of Transactional Analysis, particularly ego states and psychological needs; and to Hedges Capers, Ph.D. for his contribution to the OK Miniscript and for being my friend.
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What Are The Keys To Me? Success is a subjective concept. Some very unhappy people appear successful when judged by external criteria such as money, status or power, while others are happy and productive in life situations which some onlookers would judge as unsatisfactory. For each of us, achieving personal or professional success involves mastering the art of winning. Winners are not perfect people with no faults or problems. Winners are people who are committed to learning who they are and what they want. They lead their lives in a way consistent with their personal and professional goals and desires. Because our goals and desires may change during different phases of our lives, becoming a winner is a process. Winning involves ongoing self-awareness and willingness to accept who we are at each point in our lives. More specifically, winning involves: STEP 1: Setting goals that are personally challenging STEP 2: Reaching those goals STEP 3: Enjoying our accomplishments It doesn’t matter what goals we set, so long as they challenge us and allow us to develop our potential. We must set attainable goals so that we can experience success, and we must be able to enjoy our successes. If we omit any one of these three steps we will not experience success, regardless of our accomplishments. This Key to Me seminar can help you achieve personal and professional success by increasing your awareness of the strength and failure potentials that are most active in your personality right now.
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The Hologram Effect A hologram consist of hundreds of thousands of independent images, each of which portrays a complete object from a slightly different angle. Combined, these images create a three- dimensional display. When we view the entire display, we “get the whole picture.” Observing people is like observing holograms. When we perceive a person, we “get the whole picture” of an entire personality, consisting of separate units of behavior linked in sequences or patterns. Some patterns are natural, healthy and constructive. Others are learned, negative behaviors that we exhibit under distress. These patterns are noticeable to ourselves and others, even if they are not apparent in our current behavior or activity. This explains why people often know instinctively if we are honest, trustworthy, exciting, dull, hostile, successful or competent even before we have demonstrated the specific characteristics. Your common sense or instinct is actually based on your behavior, be careful not to judge yourself negatively. As you learn more about yourself, your strengths and your weaknesses, you will unlock your potential for increased personal and professional satisfaction. This individualized seminar will open new insights as to why you slip into negative, nonproductive behaviors, what they mean, and most importantly, how to replace them with what your unique personality structure requires.
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The Six Kahler Personality Types Your Key to Me Seminar Report draws its theoretical base from a research model of the personality called PROCESS COMMUNICATION developed by Taibi Kahler, Ph.D. A brief explanation is provided here to give you a context for you personalized report. There are six distinct personality types -- HARMONISER, HARMONISER, WORKAHOLIC, PERSISTER, DREAMER, REBEL, AND PROMOTER. We are either born one of these types, or develop it early in our life. Once this Personality Type foundation is set, however, it will last for a life time. In other words, whatever our basic Personality Type is, we will always be strongest in the characteristics and behaviors of that type. Additionally, we have characteristics of all of the other five types. No one type is better or worse, more smart or less smart, more OK or less OK than any other. And, each type has strengths and weaknesses, positive attributes and, under stress, potential negative behaviors. We are OK. Sometimes under stress when we don’t get enough of the positive attention specifically that we each uniquely need, we then “put on a mask”-- show predictable negative behavior-- and begin to sabotage our personal and professional lives. This behavior is negative and most often undesirable, but we are still OK. The more we know about ourselves and our needs, the more ways and means we have to generate positive energies. It is a knowledgeable person who knows his or her strengths. It is a wise person who knows his or her weaknesses, and what to do about them. A useful image in which to view this model is that of a personality condominium, where each floor consist of a different Personality Type.
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Andra Munteanu’s Munteanu’s
Personality Condominium
Rebel
Harmoniser
Dreamer
Promoter
Persister
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WORKAHOLICS This description would fit a base WORKAHOLIC Personality Type. PERCEPTION Thinks first; identifies and categorizes people and things. CHARACTER STRENGTHS Logical, responsible and organized EXAMPLES
PERCENTAGES North American Population 25%; 75% are male and 25% are female. FACIAL EXPRESSIONS Horizontal lines on forehead. OFFICE/HOME Organized, functional, orderly, contemporary; awards, certificates, plaques, "Everything in its place". TRAITS Ability to think logically; takes in facts and ideas and synthesizes them. Exercise: How is a Workaholic of value? 1. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 2. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 3. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________
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PERSISTERS This description would fit a base PERSISTER Personality Type. PERCEPTION PERCEPTION Judges first; evaluates people and things with opinions. CHARACTER STRENGTHS Dedicated, observant and conscientious. EXAMPLES
PERCENTAGES North American Population 10%; 75% are male and 25% are female. FACIAL EXPRESSIONS Furrows between the eyes; piercing eyes. OFFICE/HOME Functional; traditional furniture, period pieces, antiques, and/or oriental motif. TRAITS Ability to give opinions, beliefs, and judgments. Exercise: How is a Persister of value? 1. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 2. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 3. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________
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HARMONISERS HARMONISERS This description would fit a base HARMONISER Personality Type. PERCEPTION Feels first; takes in people and things by feeling about them. CHARACTER STRENGTHS Compassionate, sensitive and warm. EXAMPLES
PERCENTAGES North American Population 30%; 25% are male and 75% are female. FACIAL EXPRESSIONS Half moon lines over the eyes; dress, style, and appearance are important. OFFICE/HOME Cozy, soft, nest-like; plants, family pictures, pleasant smells, soothing music, soft colors, comfortable furniture. TRAITS Ability to nurture and give to others. Good at creating harmony. Exercise: How is a Harmoniser of value? 1. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 2. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 3. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________
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DREAMERS This description would fit a base DREAMER Personality Type. PERCEPTION Reflections; Motivated into action by things and people with opinions. CHARACTER STRENGTHS Imaginative, reflective and calm. EXAMPLES
PERCENTAGES North American Population 10%; 40% are male and 60% are female. FACIAL EXPRESSIONS Smooth face, few lines even with age. OFFICE/HOME A place to work or live - plain, rustic, no frills; environment is not that important. TRAITS Ability to be introspective; works well with things, tasks. Usually very skilled with any work requiring hand skill. Exercise: How is a Dreamer of value? 1. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 2. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 3. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________
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REBEL This description would fit a base REBEL Personality Type. PERCEPTION Reacts to people and things with likes and dislikes. CHARACTER STRENGTHS Spontaneous, creative and playful. EXAMPLES
PERCENTAGES North American Population 20%; 40% are male and 60% are female. FACIAL EXPRESSIONS Smile lines around the eyes and mouth; twinkle in the eyes. OFFICE/HOME Full of stimulation - posters, games, toys, lights and sounds. TRAITS Ability to play and enjoy the present. Exercise: How is a Rebel of value? 1. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 2. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 3. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________
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PROMOTERS This description would fit a base PROMOTER Personality Type. PERCEPTION Action oriented. CHARACTER STRENGTHS Adaptable, persuasive and charming. EXAMPLES
PERCENTAGES North American Population 5%; 60% are male and 40% are female. FACIAL EXPRESSIONS Ruddy complexion. OFFICE/HOME Thick carpets, stuffed chairs, trophies - red and black. TRAITS Ability to be firm and direct. Exercise: How is a Promoter of value? 1. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 2. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 3. ___________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________
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Character Character Strengths
spontaneous, creative, and playful
compassionate, sensitive, and warm
calm, reflective, and imaginative
charming, adaptable, and persuasive
conscientious, dedicated, and observant
logical, responsible, and organized
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Perception The Ways We View The World Perception refers to how we take in information. How we experience the world around us, and how we go about “interpreting” people, situations, and our environment depends upon our perceptual frames of reference. There are six major perceptions, or ways of experiencing the world around us: Workaholics think that if everyone is just logical, there will be fewer problems. Thinking can solve any conflict or problem. They want the facts. “I think...” Persisters believe that values are essential virtues. They have strong opinions and have highly developed convictions in most areas of their lives. As they experience someone or something, they first have an opinion. “In my opinion... I believe...” Harmonisers feel first. And, to them if everyone really, genuinely cared about one another, we would have fewer problems in this world. “I feel...” Dreamers await external simulation, preferring time for reflecting and directions to encourage them in (to) actions. “Just tell me what to do...” Rebels don’t think first like a Workaholic; don’t have opinions first like the Persister; don’t feel first like the Harmoniser; and don’t await directions like the Dreamer; Rebels first react-- they like or dislike. Life has got to be fun. “Wow! Great!” or “I hate...” Promoters respond to reality through actions. “Do it. Go for it.” Listening to our (and others’) verb choices and other phrases confirms how all- present our perceptual interpretation-- and often bias-- is of reality.
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Andra Munteanu’s Munteanu’s
Perceptual Frames of Reference
Reactions
Emotions
Inactions
Actions
Opinions
Thoughts 0
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Exercice How we experience the World Workaholic: Thoughts Thought s (logic) “I think...” “What options...” “Does that mean...” “Who...” “What...” “When...” “Where...” “...facts” “...information” “data” “time frames”
Persister: Opinions (values) “In my opinion...” “We should...” “I believe...” “...respect” “...values” “...admiration” “...commitment” “...dedication” “...trust”
Harmoniser: Harmoniser: Emotions (compassion) “I feel...” “I’m comfortable with...” “I care...” “...happy” “...sad” “I love...” “...close”
Dreamer: Inaction (imagination) “Need time to reflect...” “Wait for more direction...” “Hold back...” “Easy pace...” “Own space...” “Don’t want to rock the boat...” “Not sure…”
Rebel: Reaction (humor)’ “Wow...” “I like...” “I don’t like [hate]...” “don’t want...” “[fun, slang phrases]”
Promoter: Action (charm) “Bottom line...” “...best shot” “...make it happen” “Go for it...” “Enough talk...”
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Andra Munteanu’s Munteanu’s
Personality Phase
Rebel
Harmoniser
Dreamer
Promoter
Persister
Workaholic 0
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Psychological Needs Psychological Needs is a term describing those powerful desires that motivate each of us to want certain things and to act in certain ways. Psychological Needs are the motivational desires we are born with that must be satisfied if we are to stay in a positive and productive frame of mind. Each Personality Type has different preferred Psychological needs. Once our physical needs are met (air, water, food, shelter, etc.), our Psychological Needs become our primary motivators. What a person wants, how a person is motivated, and with whom he/she chooses to associate are often determined by Psychological Needs. Before we can interact effectively with others, we must have our own Psychological Needs met. If we know our Personality Type and the personality Phase we are experiencing, then we will know what Psychological Needs we must satisfy in order to stay in harmony with ourselves. The key to charging up our batteries is knowing how to get the Psychological Needs of our Phase met first.
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TIME STRUCTURE Time structure refers to the need for knowing what is to be done and when. People with time structure needs plan for today, tomorrow and next week. When left alone to relax in the sun, a person with time structure need is mentally asking "What am I going to do? What are my plans for tonight?".
RECOGNITION FOR WORK The person with recognition for work hunger is goal and achievement oriented. This person desires confirmation that what s/he has done is noticed. The person is motivated by awards, bonuses, a pat on the back - ways of recognizing that s/he has done a good job.
CONVICTION This is a basic need that refers to having a commitment to a belief, an opinion, or a judgment. It is important to people who have conviction hunger that people believe as they believe, and that they are respected.
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RECOGNITION OF PERSON This type of psychological need is for others to accept us just as we are, without conditions or strings, or performance required. Those with recognition of person want other people to appreciate them, like them, or be glad that they are part of the group.
SENSORY A person with this hunger intensely appreciates sights, smells, touches, tastes and sounds. This person wants his/her environment pleasant smelling, pretty to look at, with soft, comfortable furniture, and pleasant sounds. SOLITUDE People whose basic need is solitude tend to be withdrawn, often moving into selfreflective, imaginative reveries. These people desire their own space, and may need alone time. They often prefer being within themselves.
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CONTACT People who desire an environment that "turns them on" are showing their need for contact. Frequent playful interaction with others, fun mechanical devices, loud music, games, bright lights and favorite posters often satisfy contact hunger.
INCIDENCE Incidence need indicates a basic desire for a great deal of excitement in a short period of time. People with incidence hunger usually prefer structuring their own time for short periods of great intensity as opposed to a 9 to 5 schedule. These people like the excitement of betting, competing, or doing something for the rush of it. They have to have immediate rewards (satisfaction).
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Psychological Motivators
Contact
Recognition of person and sensory
Solitude
Incidence
Recognition for work and convictions
Recognition for work and time structure
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Personal and Professional Distress How we can sabotage our own success. When the all important Psychological Needs of the phase are not met on a regular basis, then the result is that the person will still attempt to satisfy the needs negatively -with or without awareness. You can see this in yourself and in others. And it is unbelievably predictable. The following six distress sequences alert us that we are not getting enough of our phase psychological needs met. When we observe these degrees of distress, we know that we are sabotaging our own success and happiness personally or professionally. Stress
Distress Normal
Phase 1
Phase Phase 1 1
Phase 1 1° 2° 3°
1° 2° 3°
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Base of Andra Munteanu
Workaholic Distress Sequence Doorway of Distress (First Degree) “I have have to be perfect to be OK.” • Over thinks for others • Does not delegate well: • “I can do it better faster and more efficiently.” Basement of Distress (Second Degree) Over controls: • Verbally attacks from a “you” position • Critical of others around thinking issues • Easily frustrated about fairness, money, order, or responsibility “I’m OKOK- You’re Not OK.”
Cellar of Distress (Third Degree) Payoff: • Rejects others. (“They can’t even think.”)
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Phase of Andra Munteanu
Persister Distress Sequence Doorway of Distress (First Degree) “You have to be perfect to be OK.” • Focuses on what is wrong instead of what is right
Basement of Distress (Second Degree) Pushes beliefs: • Crusades • Opinionated, righteous • Verbally attacks others who don’t believe the same “I’m “I’m OKOKYou’re Not OK.”
Cellar of Distress (Third Degree) Payoff: • Forsakes others. (“They don’t have any commitment.”)
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…..
Harmoniser Distress Sequence Doorway of Distress (First Degree) “I have to please to be OK.” • Overadapts to others • Too wishy-washy in making decisions
Basement of Distress (Second Degree) Makes mistakes: • Lacks assertiveness • Experiences self-doubt • Invites criticism • May laugh at self and put self down “I’m Not OKOKYou’re OK.”
Cellar of Distress (Third Degree) Payoff: Payoff: • Gets rejected. (“I didn’t feel wanted.”)
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…..
Dreamer Distress Sequence Way of Distress (First Degree) “I have to be strong to be OK.” • Spreads self too thin • Withdraws
Basement of Distress (Second Degree) Passively waits: • Sustained withdrawal • Projects started and not finished “I’m Not OKOKYou’re OK.”
Door Cellar of Distress (Third Degree) Payoff: • Gets left out. (“Nobody told me what to do.)
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…..
Rebel Distress Distress Sequence Doorway of Distress (First Degree) “I have to try hard to be OK.” • Tries hard to understand, but “can’t” • Delegates inappropriately and without sense of direction Basement of Distress (Second Degree) Blames: • Is negative and complaining • “Yes but’s” • Blames things, situations on other people “I’m OKOKYou’re Not OK.” OK.”
Cellar of Distress (Third Degree) Payoff: • Gets censured. (“I’ll show them.”)
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…..
Promoter Distress Sequence Doorway of Distress (First Degree) “I have to be strong to be OK.” • Expects others to fend for themselves • Does not support people adequately
Basement of Distress (Second Degree) Manipulates: • Sets up arguments • Creates negative drama • Ignores or breaks the rules “I’m OKOKYou’re Not OK.”
Cellar of Distress (Third Degree) Payoff: • Abandons others. (“Can’t take it, huh?”)
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Your Phase Phase Negative Psychological Needs Most all negative, masked, distress behavior is nothing more than a warning sign that a psychological need is not getting met positively. Satisfy your requisite psychological needs in positive, healthy ways by following your KEY TO ME Action Plan, and most all of your non-productive, negative, self-sabotaging behavior is likely to stop. Listed for you here are your psychological needs along with some representative warning signals of typical accompanying negative behaviors. Need: Recognition of Work • Working too hard and experiencing "burn out." • Over-detailing projects. • Expecting too much from others. • Pushing with the attitude, "If I don't do it, it won't get done." Need: Conviction • Assuming that I always know best. • Verbally attacking people who don't believe the way I do. • Becoming prejudiced or righteous. • Becoming suspicious and distrusting of colleagues. • Crusading. • Limiting conversations to opinions about religion, current events, or politics.
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ACTION PLAN Your assurance of personal and professional satisfaction depend on knowing how to, and arranging to, get your psychological needs met positively. First and foremost satisfy your Persister Phase needs on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. Phase
Here are some suggestions regarding how you can satisfy your Persister Phase psychological needs in positive, constructive ways. By all means, feel free to elaborate or personalize these lists in whatever ways suit you. Need: Conviction Conviction and recognition of work
It is important for you to lead a life consistent with your beliefs, values, and opinions. Whenever possible you like to exercise your influence, impacting upon the growth and direction of others. You need to be around others who share your high standards of integrity, dependability, and trust. For example, you could meet your CONVICTION needs in the following ways: PROFESSIONAL
• Each day prioritize what I believe will be the best investment of my time to ensure quality expenditure of effort. • Reaffirm daily to myself the value of my accomplishments even before I review my "to do"lists. • Make agendas for my meetings. • Reward myself for dedicated service. • Earn and display one or more awards, or pictures with people whom I respect for accomplishing something I believed in doing well. • Review the mission statement to be sure that goals and objectives are consistent. • Share my work with others and enjoy their positive feedback on the quality of my labors. • Join a civic group (Jaycees, Rotary, Civitan, etc.). • Make suggestions to appropriate persons regarding my ideas for the organization's improvement. • Organize an office charitable contribution campaign, or get involved in an existing one. • Speak to local school groups about professional issues or business ethics. • Involve myself with quality control projects.
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• Write a business article about good business principles or ethics. • Demonstrate my loyalty, commitment, and dedication to my organization in work and deed daily. PERSONAL
• Share the personal importance of my successes and accomplishments with my family and friends. • Ask family or friends for admiration or respect. • Create and display my favorite slogans, mottos, and creeds. • Keep a journal of insights that I believe are important. • Join or increase church activities. • Make a political contribution. • Teach and model my values and beliefs to [my] children. • Contribute to a worthy cause with time or money. • Involve myself in community based activities. • Write a letter to the editor about some important issue. • Campaign on behalf of a candidate for election. • Become a leader of Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Big Brother, Big Sister, etc.
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Appendix A
Phase Issues Two out of three people phase at least once in their life, primarily because most of us experience some form of intense distress at one time or another in our life. Phase
Workaholic
Persister
Harmoniser
Dreamer
Rebel
Promoter
First and Second Degree Probable Issue Behaviors Having to be perfect and then over controlling people and criticizing Loss them for not thinking clearly, most likely culminating in rejecting someone special. Expecting others to be perfect, quickly finding fault, and then pushing belief, crusading, or critically Fear preaching at people, most likely culminating in forsaking someone special. Over adapting to please others by putting inviting criticism, most likely Anger culminating in getting rejected by someone special. waiting while feeling inadequate, most likely self-confidence culminating in being left along by someone special. Trying hard and having difficulty understanding and then being blameless and blaming others, most likely culminating in being censured by and angry at someone special. Expecting others to be strong and fend for themselves and then manipulating by ignoring or breaking the rules, most likely culminating in abandoning someone special
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Autonomy
Responsibility
Bonding
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Appendix B
Making The Decision THE DECISION In my life I will ______________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ THE MEASURE I, and others, will know I have accomplished this when ________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ THE DYNAMICS I will use my (base) __________________________ perception of __________________________ _______________________ to do this by _________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ I will use my (phase) ____________________ psychological need(s) _______________________ _______________________ to do this by _________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ Signed
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Witnessed
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The Key To Me Seminar Evaluation Name (optional):_____________________________________________________________________ Date: _______________________________________________________________________________ Organization Location: ______________________________________________________________ Trainer: _____________________________________________________________________________
Your thoughts, feelings, and opinions are very important and valuable to us in planning and implementing this seminar. We will consider your feedback in making changes, additions, and deletions for future training sessions. PLEASE TEAR OUT THIS PAGE AND GIVE TO YOUR TRAINER AT THE END OF THE SESSION. Thank you. 1. The Structure Of The Training Program Was: _______________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 2. The Content Of The Material Was: ________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 3. Was The Material Understandable? Please Explain. ________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 4. The Environment Was: ____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 5.Suggestions For Making Training More Helpful: ____________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________
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6. What I Liked Most: ________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 7. What I Liked Least: ________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 8. Summary Of My Experience: ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ 9. Please Rate The Personal Significance Of The Program (circle one) least 1
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Additional Comments: _______________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________
1997 Taibi Kahler Associates, Inc. 20/10/10
Page 37
©
the key to me seminar
Kahler Communication Europe ® Process Communication Model
1997 Taibi Kahler Associates, Inc. 20/10/10
Page 38
©
the key to me seminar
