Once more time with feeling-Peggy J.Herring

Once More with Feeling Entertaining… utterly engaging… and real. An everyday lesbian world so credible you'll think you're eavesdropping. Where you will find the challenges as well as the joys of love and friendship. Where you will find yourself, and the women you know After eight years, Laura's relationship with Mavis has collapsed, as much from its decreasing weight and passion as from Mavis's casual infidelity. Taking temporary refuge with close friends Jolly and Wanda, Laura begins to put herself back together, her first step a brief but erotic interlude in Hawaii. But the most healing person she knows seems to be her own solitary self, and the most healing place, her own house. In the meantime, ex-partner Mavis is busy charming other women. But still she is a presence - an intrusion, feels Laura - in Laura's life, bringing over her newest partners, prevailing upon Laura to widen her horizons, to continue their love as loyal friendship. Then Laura meets appealing, enigmatic Robin… and suddenly finds the possibility of a new relationship. A possibility that intrigues Laura. And completely flabbergasts Mavis… PART ONE

Chapter One Laura tucked the warm box of fried chicken under her arm and grabbed her purse off of the front seat. Through soggy grass she dodged the water sprinkler that had chosen to oscillate in her direction. She hurried up the steps of her mother's house where the faint smell of gardenia blossoms met her in the living room. "Did you get all white?" her mother called from the kitchen. "You know how I only like the white." "Yes, Mother." Laura set the box of chicken down on the dining room table. "You're watering. It's supposed to rain today." "You didn't get corn on the cob!" Mrs. Davenport said as she rummaged through the box. "I'm sorry. They were out." Laura made a mental note to always show up with corn on the cob when she brought chicken. "I'll make a salad." She watched as her mother wrestled with an ice tray. Laura resisted the urge to help her, reminding herself how well she obviously got along without her during the rest of the week. They sat down at the table and dealt out extra napkins and tiny ketchup packets. "I'll take a wing," Mrs. Davenport said, passing her plate. "They have so many moving parts, it's almost like eating a toy." Laura smiled. "I'm a breast kind of girl myself." The moment the words were out of her mouth, she knew she had made a mistake. She could feel the stare drilling into her like a laser beam from across the table, but she dared not look up. "Chicken, Mother. I was talking about chicken." Mrs. Davenport ripped the wing apart with a steel grip that seemed almost bionic in its ferociousness. These couldn't be the same hands that had delicately manipulated the stubborn ice tray only minutes earlier, Laura thought. "You're a beautiful girl. You could get a man." "Don't start. I haven't even been here ten minutes yet."

"And what about children? You know how I feel about that, Laura. It's your responsibility to give me grandchildren." She punctuated certain words with a mangled chicken wing. Laura ignored her and continued eating her salad. "It's the only thing I've ever asked of you." "Another word and I'm leaving," Laura warned calmly. It was a threat she knew her mother would take seriously. They finished eating in silence, each with a small pile of clean bones on the side of her plate. They washed dishes and retired to the porch swing to sip lemonade and watch the water sprinkler. They talked and swung until dark when the mosquitoes drove them in. Laura felt good about their afternoon together. She gave her mother a hug and went home to her apartment near downtown San Antonio. Laura slid a TV dinner out of the microwave and began taking the thin plastic off of the top, careful to avoid the steam. She heard the apartment door open and close and the dog's high-pitched friendly bark. Mavis breezed into the kitchen in search of a beer in the virtually empty refrigerator. They both grunted a greeting of sorts. "Are you going out again tonight?" Laura asked. "I'm thinkin' about it," Mavis drawled in her north Texas accent. She unbuttoned her white uniform and sashayed to their bedroom. Her blonde hair bounced on her shoulders as she passed by. Laura finished eating before switching the television on to watch the remainder of the news. It was already past her usual bedtime. Mavis had strutted naked in and out of the kitchen once for a sandwich earlier, but finally emerged in freshly creased blue jeans and a peasant blouse that left little to the imagination. She could always manage to stuff those thirty-eight D's on that size ten body into clothes no one else would have nerve enough to try, and she pulled it off exquisitely. Mavis was tall like Laura, and carried herself with the same confidence that most beautiful women do.

"I thought you were trying to save money," Laura said. Mavis ran a brush through her clean blow-dried hair and sprayed a dab of Ambush on a few of her favorite areas. "I am. I'll be out by the end of the month like I promised." The mirror that hung in the hallway gave her another opportunity to inspect herself. She reapplied a sparse amount of lipstick and primped profusely as she eyed her reflection. "Jolly called me at work to invite us over for dinner this week. You promised to break the news to her, darlin'. I suggest you hop to it before this gets all too embarrassin'." She found her purse and threw a kiss and a wink over her shoulder. "Don't wait up for me." Laura patted the couch. Ms. Fang, her small gray poodle, jumped up beside her. She hugged the dog and smoothed the curls away from its eyes. Ms. Fang rested her head in Laura's lap as they both finished watching the weather. Laura switched off the television and went to the bedroom and put the dog's blanket at the foot of the bed. Neither woke up when Mavis finally came home. Laura worked diligently at the office the following day and suppressed the vision she had of her mother puttering amid the numerous flower beds in her front yard. It usually took Laura a few days to fully recover from a Sunday visit. Her father had been dead three years now, and her mother was finally beginning to adjust to living alone. Laura had so many things going on in her own life at the moment, that her first instinct was to withdraw from everything that entailed any emotion at all. She would've loved to just close her eyes and let the world carry on without her. She was tired. Her relationship with Mavis was rapidly coming to an end. The decision had already been made, and it was such a relief simply to have it over with. Her lack of emotion worried her though, and there was a numbness that went with it that she didn't recognize. Jolly called after lunch, her laughter a welcomed relief from Mavis's short, moody telephone calls. "How about dinner tomorrow night? Wanda has her chops set for ribs.

We'll barbecue." "I don't think so," Laura said hesitantly. There were times when Mavis's reluctance to get involved in certain aspects of friendship irritated her. Mavis had gladly given Laura the responsibility of tel ing the world about their breakup. Laura, however, didn't like being the bearer of bad news any more than anyone else did. "Mavis and I are going our separate ways," she said bluntly. "We're finally making it official." Jolly paused for just a moment before going on. "How about six? We're having beer, beans and potato salad." "You're not listening. Mavis and I are breaking up." There was total silence. "We're only living together now because she can't afford a place of her own yet. She's paying off her bills." She had anticipated several reactions, but when Jolly started to cry Laura had no idea what to say next. "Come on," she whispered. Jolly seemed to be more upset by this than either she or Mavis had been. "It's not that bad. It's a friendly divorce." "I don't believe it! Eight years, Laura," she said in a strained voice. "You two just celebrated eight years!" "Only three of which were memorable," Laura reminded her. "Look, Mavis and I are okay with this. It's something we both want. I don't know. I'm just tired right now. I need to be by myself for a while. Just me and a new candle making kit." "Then it's not permanent? It's just a separation?" "It's over, Jolly. Very much over." "I'm so sorry." Jolly sniffed. "I feel terrible." Ten minutes later Wanda, Jolly's lover, was on the phone just as upset, but without the tears. "Why didn't Mavis tell me yesterday?" she barked. "We spent three hours together!" "She says it's my job. She's no good at this sort of thing." Laura sighed heavily and rubbed the back of her neck. "We've more or less already gone our separate ways even though we're still under the same roof. We're muddling through right now. You know how it is when you're deciding who gets the toaster and whose pantyhose are whose."

"Does Mavis have someone else lined up?" Wanda asked. "I don't know and I don't really care." She refrained from mentioning how much Mavis had been going out recently. Wanda didn't need more of an excuse to rant and rave. "This is just awful. I feel like I've lost a member of my family." Laura closed her eyes as the words struck a sentimental chord somewhere deep inside of her. Yes, they were a family. The four of them spent holidays together, vacations, weekends. There would be no more scenic drives or trips to the beach. No more Saturday night Scrabble games. No more bargain hunting at the flea market. "So what's the odds of you two patching things up?" she heard Wanda asking. "I feel so stupid. Jolly and I didn't even know anything was wrong!" Laura glanced at her watch and reached for a tablet on the corner of her desk. "I've gotta go. There's a staff meeting in two minutes. I'll call you tonight." On her way down the hall she made up her mind to stop off at an arts and crafts shop and load up the car with macramé and needlepoint kits. She was ready for some time to herself. Laura put Ms. Fang on a leash and carried her down the apartment stairs. Both of them were itching for a much needed walk. The cool wind blew Laura's hair in her face as they rounded the corner to the park, and it felt good getting out in the early evening air. She was looking forward to being alone. She'd even contemplated taking a vacation to the Bahamas or possibly even someplace more ridiculous. She was convinced that she needed time away from everything— work, Mavis, her mother, rushhour traffic. She wanted to be alone, to get to know herself again. Having Mavis in her life all those years had caused her to lose touch with the real Laura Davenport. She had no idea who she was or what she wanted but hoped to find out one way or another. When things should have been at their worst, Laura found herself getting more excited about this new phase of her life. "We can handle it, can't we?" she whispered as she picked Ms. Fang up again and cradled her in her arms. The dog rubbed her cold nose against Laura's cheek and

gave comforting noises in return. On Sunday, the only day off they had together, Laura and Mavis avoided each other as best they could. There were full boxes stacked in the corner of the apartment and several empty ones near the stereo. Mavis sat on the couch in her robe and slippers with Ms. Fang, craving attention, in her lap. "I'm movin' out next Saturday," Mavis said. Laura poured herself another cup of coffee and glanced at the teapot-shaped clock over the stove. She had to get ready, both physically and mentally, for the weekly visit to her mother's. "You need help?" Laura asked. She laughed at the absurdity of the offer. Did other couples actually help each other pack when they broke up, she wondered. "I'm gettin' Wanda's truck," Mavis said, continuing to rub Ms. Fang's back. She looked down at the small dog and smiled. "I'm gonna miss you, darlin'. I never had me a doggie before. Do I get this little fur ball on weekends?" "No," Laura said, "but you can come over and see her whenever you want. I'm thinking about going on a cruise or something. Maybe around Christmas time. Ms. Fang hates the kennel. I'd feel better about her being with you than at my mother's." "A cruise! Where?" "I'm not sure yet. I just need to get away for a while." Mavis bounced off the couch and snatched up a stack of albums. She stood them up carelessly in a box before storming into the kitchen where she dumped the crumbs out of the toaster oven and wrapped the cord around it. Laura watched her slam things about and yank open drawers. After a few minutes, Laura got up from the table and went to take a shower. She's pissed off because I'm taking a cruise, she thought as the water from the shower hit her in the face. Or maybe she's pissed off because I can afford to take a cruise. Either way, Mavis was pissed off and who

the hell cared? Bright and early Saturday morning Jolly and Wanda were at the apartment offering their services. Mavis had taken the day off to move, and Laura and the poodle did their best to stay out of the way. "I hate this," Jolly said as she picked up another box. Mavis and Wanda were out at the truck rearranging the load. Jolly rested the box against the couch, her tall lanky frame swallowed up in a sweatshirt and blue jeans. "She has a lover already. Did you know that?" "I've suspected it," Laura said evenly. Her lack of emotion surprised her. Was this what they'd come to? There wasn't even a twinge of remorse that Mavis was moving out. "We've got separate lives to lead, Jolly. You may as well start getting used to it." "I can't believe it's this easy. Neither one of you seems angry or anything. It's like you've been nothing but roommates for eight years!" "That's basically what we've been for the last two. I can't remember the last time we made love. It's been easier to stay together. We're comfortable with each other." "And that doesn't count for anything?" "It's not enough. There's gotta be something else out there for both of us." Jolly set the box on the couch and put her arms around her. "It just makes me so sad. The four of us were supposed to grow old together. Buy a worm farm when we retired. Remember?" "I never agreed to the part about the worm farm." They heard the apartment door open, and Wanda and Mavis came in. The four of them stared at each other for an uncomfortable moment before they all picked up a box and carried it out to the truck. Laura caught herself whistling around the apartment as she cleaned, rearranged furniture,

hung new curtains, put her favorite puzzles together for hours on end, reupholstered her couch, and took Ms. Fang for countless walks in the evening. She thought of Mavis often and reached for her in the night, more out of habit than anything else. Laura missed the closeness they had shared in bed, the presence of a warm, female body beside her. At college they had met during a tutoring session arranged by the math department. Laura had volunteered her services for three hours a week in algebra, trigonometry and calculus, and Mavis had been halfway through her second semester of Algebra I and flunking it badly again. By the end of their first session, they had worked through three chapters, had shared a kiss in the empty basement at the library and made a date for later that same evening. Mavis lived in the dorm and had a roommate who never went anywhere, and Laura lived at home and had parents who never went anywhere. They decided on a drive-in movie, and parked on the very last row. The front seat of Laura's car did just fine for what they had in mind. Laura found out quickly how far a little imagination and a creative, willing lover could get you. She experienced her first orgasm before the previews were over and had fallen in love sometime during the second feature. Their first two years together had been so much fun. Laura had to admit that even though things had been simpler then — paid tuition, a generous allowance from Daddy and finally a cheap apartment shared with another lesbian couple, Mavis had made a major difference in Laura's life. Laura would miss more than just Mavis's warm body at night. She would miss having her as a friend. Later that week she tried to make travel arrangements for a cruise to the Bahamas but was informed that all cruises were booked for the week between Christmas and New Year's. She was disappointed and had been counting on getting away, especially during the holidays, going somewhere she'd never been and doing something she'd never done before. When the travel agent suggested a similar package for Hawaii at close to the same price,

Laura jumped at it. She bought vacation clothes, worked like a demon to get caught up at the office and broke the news of her trip to her mother. "Is that woman going with you?" Mrs. Davenport asked. For eight years Mavis had been referred to as "that woman." Laura ignored the question, having no desire to give her mother the satisfaction of knowing that she and Mavis no longer lived together. Hawaii was looking better and better with each word that fell from those pursed lips. She called Mavis at work a few days before she was scheduled to leave and was surprised at how good it was to hear her voice. Mavis seemed curious about the trip and indirectly tried to drag information out of her, but Laura remained vague about her plans. "I hear you aren't living alone," Laura said, changing the subject. "I'm sharin' an apartment with Susan Webb from X-ray." "Sharing an apartment." Laura chuckled. "Does she mind you watching the dog for me? Does she like dogs? My mother could keep her if it's a problem." "No problem at all, darlin'," Mavis assured her. "You just have a good time. When can I pick the Fangster up? I bought her a Benji colorin' book yesterday. You think she'll like it?" "I'll check with my mother and see if she can keep her." "You'll do no such thing! We'll be fine, darlin'. I'm lookin' forward to spendin' time with the fur ball." Hawaii was a dream. Laura slept the entire way over and was in bed by eight the first night she arrived. Once she realized how much money she was wasting by sleeping her vacation away, she was ready to have some fun. The package included a few days at Waikiki Beach, Maui, and a visit to Kona and the Big Island. She rented a car and did the usual tourist things right away. She took five rolls of film her first time out, but hated dragging the camera around. Later she decided that anything else she wanted a picture of, she would just buy the appropriate postcard instead.

She spent mornings at the beach, and munched on fruits and vegetables during the afternoons as she toasted on the edge of the beautiful pool. There was a bar with palm leaves and bamboo decor across from a lush garden behind the hotel. The bartender was a tall brunette dressed in a white tank top neatly tucked into white shorts. Her skin was bronze and seemed even that much darker against her clothes. Laura remembered how good Mavis always looked in white. Her name was Tonita, according to her name tag, and she obviously didn't wear a bra or care who noticed. Tonita had the attention of every male on the beach. Laura zoomed in on her right away as well. Wanting a closer look at her, she had passed by the little thatched cabana earlier on her way to the beach. Tonita usually drew a crowd in the afternoon. Laura finished swimming and soaking up rays and had changed into shorts, a festive sleeveless blouse and sandals. Someone vacated a bar stool just as she arrived. Tonita looked at her for a moment and then continued making the usual slew of drinks. She flipped bottles, added a dash of this and a pinch of that, all to the grinding of a tired blender behind her. Four different drinks were made at the same time and dealt out to customers either seated or standing around the bar. Just as Laura was about to order, Tonita set a pina colada down in front of her and with a twirl and flourish added the tiny umbrella to it. "A pifia colada with a double shot of rum," she said. Laura managed to close her slightly gaping mouth. "Thank you," she said. It was the only drink she had ordered in the cabana bar since her arrival — and she hadn't really ordered it. She had had three the night before in the hotel lounge. Laura slid a crisp ten-dollar bill across the bar.

"It's on the house," Tonita said. More bottles were flipped, limes juggled, and dashes of this and pinches of that tossed around only to land miraculously where they were all supposed to. The moment Laura's drink was even close to being empty, a fresh one was put in its place. The tiny umbrella was always twirled and then added to the drink with a flourish and the words, "On the house," following soon after. An hour and a half later, with Laura well on her way to a healthy buzz, she caught Tonita's hand as she twirled the tiny umbrella again before placing it in Laura's drink. "How did you know what I like to drink?" Laura asked. She had wanted to ask the question sooner but hadn't had the opportunity. Laura let go of the bartender's hand. She had gotten her attention, which was more than any other customer had accomplished so far. "You ordered three last night," Tonita said. "There in the lounge." "You remember that? Where were you?" She smiled. "I was there." She resumed making drinks with the same energetic finesse as before. Occasionally she glanced over in Laura's direction and smiled. The muscles in those tanned arms, and the slight jiggle of her firm breasts as she raised the bottles, one in each hand, had everyone's attention. A while later she brought another drink over for Laura and said, "I get off at eleven." Laura laughed and felt absolutely wonderful. "I'm not sure I can even stand up." "For what I've got in mind you won't need to stand up." "We leave the lights out," Tonita said, "and I keep my clothes on. I like it that way." Laura was still in a pina colada stupor, in no condition to question what anyone else found pleasurable. After three unsuccessful attempts at getting it in the lock, Laura finally surrendered her room key. Between being a whole lot drunk and a tad bit nervous, she considered herself fortunate just finding the right room. Tonita smiled and unlocked the

door, slowly dropping the key in the palm of Laura's hand. Once inside, Laura switched a light on and turned around and stepped into her arms. Tonita's lips grazed her throat and earlobe, and a few seconds later Laura heard the click of the lamp as Tonita turned the light off. They danced through the darkness to the edge of the bed where Laura's giddy excitement began to take over. Her blouse was hastily unbuttoned and then tossed somewhere on the other side of the room. A slender, curious hand inched into her shorts, unzipping and tugging at them easily. "And me without my pocket rocket," Tonita whispered. Deep, relentless kisses made Laura forget where she was and even how she had gotten there. Her body responded to everything touching her — lips, fingers, tongue, the bedspread against her naked back and legs. They rolled to the center of the bed as their mouths desperately sought more of each other. Laura's hands moved under Tonita's shirt and briefly met cool soft skin. She reached for the top of Tonita's shorts only to get her hands gently pushed away again. "You're so wet," Tonita said. Her tongue flicked over Laura's hard nipples; fingers slipped inside of her making her shudder unexpectedly. "Take your clothes off," Laura said, her voice ragged and breathless. "Just enjoy me," Tonita cooed. "You like this, don't you?" Like it? Laura thought. Who wouldn't like it? She came quickly, and before she was fully aware of anything else, Laura found herself on the edge of the bed with her legs dangling over Tonita's shoulders. Laura was sure that the room was spinning, but it was too dark to verify such a thing. Orgasms became elementary, while her limbs remained heavy and cumbersome. Each time Laura moved, she felt as though she were under water. She pulled at Tonita's shirt again and heard a low chuckle. "We keep the lights out and my clothes on," Tonita whispered in her ear. "Remember? It can be good

this way. You'l see." "I need to touch you," Laura said. She wanted the predictable, the usual — the bare skin and the cool sweat. So far, none of this seemed real. In Laura's mind, it took some sort of effort on everyone's part in order for two people to make love, and what was happening to her now didn't resemble anything like that. "Please take your clothes off." Again the low chuckle, and again another position was introduced and implemented. Laura was absolutely exhausted after round four, and barely had the strength to collapse on a pillow. Instead of trying to tug on various articles of Tonita's clothing, she feebly pawed at the bedspread in an attempt to cover herself up. Through the fog of sleep, alcohol, and a sex-induced daze, Laura was vaguely aware of fingers smoothing her hair away from her face and the cover from the scrambled bed being draped over her limp, nude body. "Thank you," Tonita said, and leaned over to kiss her cheek. For what? Laura wondered as she struggled through the fog. All she had been allowed to do was lie there. She reached for Tonita's hand and tried to squeeze it, but she had no strength left. "I'm leaving now," Tonita said. "Mmm." Laura was still holding her hand. "I need to ask you something," she said weakly, and used the last of her energy to try and pull her closer. "Tell me," Laura whispered. "Tell me..." She could hear herself mumbling and knew she wasn't making any sense. The last fleeting thought she had before passing out was, What the hell is a pocket rocket? By the next morning, she felt as though she had personally been put in a blender. She nursed her hangover most of the following day and slept at the edge of the pool the rest of it. At ten-thirty the next evening she was once again at the cabana watching Tonita set them up and deal them out. When the first piiia colada with a double shot of rum was placed in front of her, Laura gently pushed it back and shook her

head. "Coffee?" Tonita suggested. Laura smiled and nodded. "I get off at eleven." "Could we maybe try it with the light on and your clothes off just once?" Laura whispered over the steaming coffee being poured. "I don't like it that way." "You've never tried it with me that way." Tonita's expression suddenly hardened and the playfulness in those exotic eyes disappeared. "I just remembered a previous engagement I have." Laura spent her last day at Waikiki on the beach. She avoided all cute little cabanas and drank her last pina colada alone in the hotel lounge the evening before her flight back to San Antonio. Laura finished dressing only minutes before hearing the knock on her apartment door. Ms. Fang announced the arrival of their visitor with her yapping. Laura felt more rested than she had in years. The vacation had done her a world of good. "How much did that tan cost you?" Mavis asked. "You don't want to know," Laura assured her. "What's up? You sounded depressed on the phone. Have you changed your mind about letting me keep the bed?" Mavis laughed and rubbed Ms. Fang gently between the ears. "No darlin'," she drawled, "it's nothin' like that. Let's go out for a drink. I just need to do some jawin' for a while and unwind some." It was too early for the bar to have more than a handful of customers, so they got their drinks and retired in complete privacy to a small table in the corner under a huge picture of Mae West. "What's the problem?" Laura asked. "You miss me and want me back already?"

Their laughter and obvious ease with each other was a relief in itself. It felt good to be together again without the pressure of having to be. "I missed you some," Mavis admitted. "Susan don't like to clean house, and you know what a slob I am." "You jumped into this kind of quickly, don't you think?" "Not really," Mavis said after savoring a mouthful of her margarita. "We've been sort of seein' each other for about a year now." "You slinking bitch." Laura set her drink down a little harder than she'd intended. A part of her was severely agitated at being made a fool of, while the rest of her couldn't have cared less what Mavis did with her life. Was Susan the reason things had gone sour between them, or was Susan the result of things having been bad between them for so long? "Now that we've got these pleasantries out the way, darlin', how was your vacation?" "Wonderful. I had a marvelous time." "You've had some of us worried. Wanda's bettin' money that you'll try and go straight now, but I came to your defense," Mavis said with a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "I told 'em you like pussy too much." "Feel free not to defend me in the future." "So what's it like? This Hawaya place. Would I like it?" "Women, water, beach. Your kinda place. Check out these postcards. Would you like to see my postcards?" "Get tired of carryin' the camera again?" Later that evening, as Laura prepared for bed, she smiled to herself. She was finally beginning to pull herself together. In affairs of the heart she usually felt destined to become a failure, but she really liked being single again. Even though she and Mavis had lost interest in each other, they had parted in time to preserve mutual tolerance. There was still something definitely missing in Laura's life, something she still couldn't quite

comprehend, but she wasn't in any real hurry to find it, whatever it was. And the thought of dating didn't appeal to her at all. The fling with the bartender in Hawaii had been enough to convince her of that. Laura had never felt so thoroughly ravished and physically exhausted in her entire life, but not even for a moment did she ever think of it as making love. Laura had heard of women like that before, but had never been with one. It had proved to be a very strange experience. It had been the most impersonal, if not strangely satisfying, night of her life.

Chapter Two Mavis unpacked the bag of groceries and put everything away before turning her attention to the box of thawed fish filets sitting in a puddle on the table. She poured white wine into a Pebbles and Bam Bam jelly glass before scrutinizing the dirty dishes brimming the sink and spilling over onto both ends of the counter. They would have to be done before she could start dinner. By the time Susan came home the kitchen was spotless and the wine bottle empty. Mavis pushed the button on the microwave and made herself readily available for Susan's embrace. "It looks so clean in here." Susan kissed her quickly on the lips. "How long until supper?" "We're waitin' for the ding." The microwave dinged before they finished setting the table. A while later they did the dishes together, both liking a clean kitchen for a change, and then took a hot bubble bath. Susan eased into the water first and wilted against the back of the tub. A cloud of peach-scented bubbles clung to the ends of her hair. "Ready or not," Mavis said as she climbed in and made the water level rise chin-deep. "All day I've been lookin' forward to this." "Me too." They soaked in silence for several minutes, eyes closed, breathing shallow, torsos foamed and relaxed. Mavis moved her toes slowly up and down Susan's ribcage to the rhythm of a Connie Francis song playing on the radio. They had been living together for just over a month now, and even though their year-long affair had been hot and torrid, the transition to a comfortable, passionate relationship had not been smooth. Having similar temperaments kept them at each other constantly at first, but it only added to the excitement of their life together. They fought over the usual things, and each had a jealous streak that had been known to cause a series of shouting matches, but they always kissed and made up afterwards. Mavis still spent a lot of time with Laura, trying to ease her own conscience about their

breakup, and wanting some insight into why things had never worked out for them. Laura would pour her another drink and listen to every word, offering pieces of advice occasionally when pressed. Mavis still cared about Laura in a way that she couldn't explain. There was nothing sexual in their actions — no touching, no murmuring of endearments, no innuendoes or references to past intimacies. They did, however, laugh often and talk about their hopes and dreams. They were more than old lovers. They were friends—best friends. They had spent eight years growing up together before finally growing apart. It was easy to sit back and enjoy each other now that they didn't have to live together any longer. "Last week me and Susan were both late to work because we didn't have clean underwear," Mavis confessed drunkenly one evening after work. "You spoiled me, darlin'. I always had clean underwear when you were in charge of me." "You'll work out the snags," Laura reassured her. Susan, however, was apparently uncomfortable with Mavis and Laura's friendship. "What could you two possibly have to say to each other now?" she yelled when Mavis came home tipsy and finally admitted where and with whom she had been. The next evening Susan, furious, went to Laura's apartment and confronted Laura. Susan of course had a little guilt of her own to contend with — she had been trying to get Mavis in bed for years, even when Laura and Mavis were still a happy couple. She pounded on Laura's door and, Mavis found out later, the dog was barking and it was awkward at first, but the hostess in Laura had made it much easier after several moments. As they sat on the couch and drank their wine, Susan apparently began to feel more like a fool for being there. The more she tried to renew her dislike for this woman, the harder it became to do so. Mavis could just imagine Susan's reaction. Laura had light brown hair that fell just past her shoulders and seemed to do whatever she wanted it to do. Having what had been

described at one time as "a frizzy bril o pad" for hair, Susan was envious of anyone who had that layered and highlighted look. She dreamed of having hair like that. Laura also had dark, piercing brown eyes, a small straight nose, and full glossy lips that looked soft and sensual. "My guess is you're here about Mavis," Laura had started casually. "She talks about you all the time. I feel like I know you already." From there Laura told her things about Mavis that would have taken her months or maybe years to find out on her own — or so Susan had admitted later. The more they talked, the more they got along. With Laura's guidance, things between Susan and Mavis began to shape up nicely. Laura and Susan talked often and had several lunches together. Mavis was their main topic of conversation, each sharing anecdotes and words of wisdom. Laura offered advice when asked, but generally just listened. Sometimes she would hear from both of them during the course of the day when they were fighting. She listened patiently to both sides and remained as neutral as she could. "You're both saying the right things," Laura told Mavis, "but you need to be saying them to each other. I gave this little speech to Susan this morning on the phone, so don't think I'm picking on you." After that, Susan and Mavis became closer than they had ever been. They talked and had a better understanding of what they wanted out of their relationship. Amazing, Mavis thought, what could happen in the course of a month. Mavis opened her eyes and moved her arms around in the water, stirring up what few bubbles were left. "This is better than an orgasm." "Hold that thought," Susan said dreamily. She reached for a towel as Mavis pulled out the stopper in the bath tub. "Up, darlin'. I don't want you sittin' on the drain again. I want you fresh and horny." They dried each other off and went to bed, stepping over dirty clothes and scattered

shoes. Cleaning the kitchen was as far as Mavis had gotten during her brief burst of energy earlier in the evening. "My boobs are a little tender. Go easy," Susan said. Mavis cupped the small breasts gently and licked the swollen nipples with the tip of her tongue. Before she fell asleep, Mavis thought again how sexually satisfying a bubble bath could be. Mavis had worked as a physical therapist at the outpatient clinic for several years and had finally built up her seniority. She could choose the patients she wanted to work with and could pick her days off as well. She related to women and children better than anyone else in the office, and kept an eye on all new patients to see if something unusual came up. She liked a challenge. By eight-thirty she was with her first patient, a nine-year-old girl recovering from a severely broken leg. A few minutes later one of Mavis's coworkers came over and tapped her on the shoulder. "You've got a phone call," he said gruffly. The buttons on his shirt barely closed near his belt where a beer belly threatened to burst through. "Take a message. I'm with a patient." It had to be Susan ready to apologize for being so grouchy at breakfast, she thought. "It sounds like it might be important." "Then start her out for me." To her little patient Mavis smiled and said, "No dancin' while I'm gone." She walked up to the front, her blonde shaggy hair bouncing with each step, and picked up the telephone and pushed the only blinking light. "Mavis Davis," she said. She heard sniffing and choking on the other end, but nothing even vaguely coherent. "Hello. Who's there?" "Mavis," the near hysterical voice said. "It's Laura." Mavis felt the tiny hairs on the back of her neck stand up at the sound of her voice. "What's the matter?" Laura suddenly began sobbing in earnest and couldn't catch her

breath. "Are you hurt? Where are you?" Mavis waited for answers but got only mumbling in return. She slumped against the desk and noticed that her hands were shaking; a cold sweat had begun to pop out on her brow. Moments later someone else came on the line. "This is Dr. Rollo's office," the woman said nervously. "Miss Davenport brought her dog in this morning, but I'm afraid we couldn't save her. Miss Davenport is very upset. We're not sure what to do about her." "I'll be right over." Mavis hung up, both relieved and anxious. "The Fangster," she muttered as she cal ed Susan's office to leave a message, and then made arrangements to have her patients covered for the remainder of the morning. Once in her car she took a deep breath and felt the tears stinging the corners of her eyes. Laura was okay. Nothing dreadful had happened to her. On the way to the vet's office she thought about the poodle. Ms. Fang and Laura had been a package deal from the beginning. Mavis had come from a big family that never had anything but new babies. Pets were a luxury. If you wanted a pet you put a piece of twine around a little brother's neck and made him crawl on all fours. In the movies poor folks always had dogs or chickens or horses. Hollywood poverty, she thought bitterly. Mavis caught a horned toad once and was allowed to keep it only because it ate red ants and didn't take up any space. She pulled into the parking lot and saw Laura's car. Mavis inspected herself in the rearview mirror, not wanting to go inside, but knowing she had to. Neither of them was very good at this sort of thing. She went in and nodded to the female assistant who looked strangely professional in a lab coat and blue jeans. Mavis had brought Ms. Fang in several times over the years for shots and checkups. Everyone in the clinic made it a point to remember well-paying customers.

"She's in the back." Mavis followed the assistant down a short hallway and into a tiny office. Laura was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, still gasping for air, her face slightly distorted from heart-wrenching sobs. Mavis knelt down beside her and put her arms around her. Before long they were both crying. They used several Kleenexes before Laura whispered, "Thanks for coming. I didn't know who else to call." Mavis got up and dragged another chair closer. She took Laura's hand and patted it gently. It was then that she saw the dried blood all over the front of her shirt. Laura trembled and covered her eyes and began crying again, slow painful sobs coming from somewhere deep inside of her. Mavis squeezed her hand and had no idea what else to do. "Can you tel me how it happened?" Laura released Mavis's grip and unconsciously twisted the end of her shirttail. "We went out this morning like we always do. Three dogs jumped on her just before we got to the park. There was nothing I could do." Her voice was so small and strained that Mavis could barely hear what she was saying. "She was on the leash and I tried to pull her back and pick her up, but one of them got her around the throat and —" Mavis put her arms around her again. "They could've had rabies, darlin'," she said soothingly into her hair. "They could've bitten you, too." Laura pushed the sleeve of her flannel shirt up midway to her elbow to reveal several bites that had already begun to turn purple. Mavis jumped back and pushed the sleeve up farther to make sure there were no more. "Damn! I'm takin' you to the doctor. Right now." "Dr. Rollo cleaned them up already." "He does dogs and cats! What does he know about people?" "I'm okay," Laura whispered through the Kleenex. She rolled her sleeve down and buttoned

the cuff. "I can't leave her here." "You want I should take her somewhere and bury her? Somewhere nice?" Anything. I'll do anything you say. Just stop crying like this. She leaned forward in the chair and gently rubbed Laura's hand again, squeezing it once more for good measure. Laura was clearly exhausted. Her light brown hair, scrambled from the continued shaking of her head, looked much the same as it did after she woke up. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was red. Mavis recognized the flannel shirt she had on as one Laura liked to sleep in when it was cold. She's here in blue jeans, tennis shoes and her pajamas, she thought fondly. There was a slight tugging at her heart at the sight of her. Even at her worst, Laura was a strikingly beautiful woman. "I'll be right back. Dry your eyes." Mavis hurried down the hallway and found the technician in the small waiting area. "Wrap Ms. Fang in somethin' and put her in the trunk of my car, please." Mavis handed over the keys. "It's the red Toyota out front. I'll work on Ms. Davenport some more. When everything's ready just knock on the door. And send her the bill later." Mavis went back in the room with a wet wash cloth in her hand. Laura hadn't moved from the chair, but she had her head propped against the wall and her eyes were closed. Mavis knelt down beside her and dabbed the cool rag under her eyes. "Why don't we take her to your mother's house? She has a nice back yard. Ms. Fang played there when she was a puppy." Laura nodded as a fresh tear rolled down her cheek.

Chapter Three Later that afternoon Laura couldn't remember much about leaving her mother's house or the ride to the doctor's office. She recalled being in the examining room, answering questions about the dogs that had attacked them, and remembered the pain of the second scrub of the bites, but everything else was more or less a blur. The tears didn't find her again until Mavis opened the door to Laura's apartment and Ms. Fang wasn't there to greet them. Every painful memory of the day's events caught up and rushed over her with the force of a tidal wave. Laura took the pill handed to her and stood motionless while Mavis put her in a clean T-shirt. "Lay down on the couch, darlin'. You'll feel better in a few minutes." Laura allowed herself to be led to the couch where fluffed pil ows awaited her. As she drifted off to sleep there was the ever-present padding of Mavis across the carpet as she collected dog toys, rugs, water bowls and food. When Laura woke up a few hours later all signs that Ms. Fang had ever lived there were gone. A week later Mavis and Susan found a parking space at Laura's apartment complex and gathered everything up. "Are you sure we're doin' the right thing, darlin'? I mean, what about a grief period? She's sad and everything, but doesn't she need to be sad now?" "There's more to it than her dog dying," Susan explained patiently. "Ms. Fang was like her family. And she practically died in Laura's arms. Laura needs something to take her mind off of what happened, so trust me. This'11 work." They climbed the stairs to Laura's apartment. The black poodle puppy stayed tucked under Susan's arm while Mavis carried its luggage — a squeaking carrot, a rubber T-bone steak, a ball with a bell in it, new rugs to sleep on and a week's supply of food. Laura answered the door in blue jeans and a baggy Dallas Cowboys T-shirt. She let them in and didn't notice the puppy until Susan put it down in the middle of the living room. It went to Laura

immediately. Mavis and Susan stood back and watched the two introduce themselves. Laura picked the puppy up and went to the couch, nuzzling its head with her cheek. As tears clouded her eyes she murmured and held it. Mavis let out a sigh of relief and dug in the bag for the rubber carrot. Laura put the puppy back down on the floor and the three women got on hands and knees in a circle and rolled the ball back and forth. "She or he?" Laura asked in a small voice, her eyes still watery but shining. "A she. There's new rugs for a bed and toys and food." Mavis held up the Raising Your Poodle book. "Unlike babies, she comes with directions." Laura scooped the puppy up in one hand and held it close again, rubbing her cheek against its tight curls. "This is wonderful of you. Both of you. How much was she? And the other things too? I'll write you a check." "Forget it," Susan said. "This one's on us." "Please don't argue." Laura put her arms around Mavis and kissed her gently on the lips and went to Susan and did the same. She began to laugh and cry at the same time as the three of them rolled the squeak ball back and forth. She named the puppy Jo-Jo and spent countless hours training and playing with it. Jo-Jo slept at the foot of the bed where Ms. Fang used to lie, and when she wasn't sleeping she pranced around the apartment chewing randomly on the furniture. Laura wanted nothing to do with the neighborhood any longer. A dog needs a yard, she reasoned, a place she could call her own. With that in mind Laura went house hunting and made an offer within a week on a sprawling ranch house in Shavano Park. They closed the deal before she told anyone, and two weeks later she invited Mavis, Susan, Wanda and Jolly to visit. It had easily been two months since she'd seen any of them.

They arrived Saturday afternoon, banging on the door and ringing the doorbell like a pack of starving trick-or-treaters. Laura had hugs for everyone and gave them a tour right away. "Four bedrooms. My God, this is marvelous!" Wanda squealed. "What will you do with all this room?" "I don't know yet. Jo-Jo loves the back yard. Let me show you." The inside of the house had been repainted in white, and the smell of the new carpet was fresh in every room. Laura had decorated it herself in muted tones. The kitchen was small in proportion to the rest of the house, but she loved the breakfast nook in the corner and the maple cabinets from floor to ceiling. "You don't like it," Laura said to Mavis as they watched the others check out the back yard. They could hear Wanda's deep laughter mixed in with clapping and puppy talk. Mavis leaned against the counter and slowly glanced from side to side, taking in the entire kitchen with one sweep. She pushed her blonde hair away from her forehead and didn't say anything. Laura turned away from her. "Why do you do this? Why can't you be happy for me like everyone else?" "I don't even know you anymore." She picked at a thread on the pocket of her canary yellow T-shirt. "Who are you seein' these days? Did she talk you into this?" "That's none of your business." "Who is it? You know how impulsive you are, Laura, and we don't know nothin' about this woman." "Who I see and what I do shouldn't concern you, Mavis. You're out of my life. Do you understand that? If I feel like fucking the Baltimore Orioles, then I'll fuck the goddamn Baltimore Orioles, do you understand me? It's none of your business what I do!"

Three faces pressed against the glass at the back door before disappearing again almost as quickly. Mavis put her head in her hands and stayed that way for several moments while Laura began unwrapping a box of new dishes she'd ordered, dropping the tissue paper into a garbage bag beside her. Their fighting was different these days. Laura found herself more willing to speak her mind and less willing to be pushed around. "You want something to drink?" Mavis brushed past her and was out the back door without answering. A little while later Wanda came in and began helping her put away the dishes. "She still cares about you," Wanda said in a low, serious voice. "Maybe she's jealous of you buying a house. I don't know. You're more independent now. You're able to function without her. It's a lot of things, I'm sure. Not to mention you wanting to fuck the Baltimore Orioles." "You weren't exactly supposed to hear that," Laura said as her cheeks turned hot. "I've talked to her about this several times, Laura. She's confused about—" "She was confused the first time I saw her. She wants her hands in my life and I won't have it. I function perfectly well without Mavis Davis. She's the one with the problem. Not me." "You two need to talk." "We can't talk. All we do is fight." "She gets scared sometimes," Wanda said carefully. "She feels like she's losing you." "It's a little late for that, don't you think?" They continued working in silence. A while later the others came in to help. By the time they left, all was well. Mavis and Susan were contemplating getting away for a week. Laura was glad they'd gotten over the rough spots in their relationship.

Chapter Four Laura got caught up in the unexpected beauty of the Texas Hill country and bypassed the entrance to the state park where Mavis, Susan, Jolly and Wanda had rented a cabin for a week. She slowed for a small herd of deer near the ranger station and became so mesmerized by them that she pulled over and shut off the car. A while later she located their cabin and recognized Jolly's truck in the driveway. There was no answer at the door, but she heard Wanda around back. Laura found her stretched out in a drooping hammock, tossing peanuts to a squirrel. "You made it!" she said, struggling to stand while the squirrel darted up a tree. "Stay where you are," Laura insisted. "This place is beautiful. I can't believe I never let her bring me up here before." Mavis had talked about Garner State Park for years—the clear river that ran through it, the wildlife and the scores of hiking trails that crisscrossed hundreds of rocky, wooded acres. In those days, the more Mavis had praised it, the less Laura had wanted to see it. Why had I been so stubborn? she wondered. Why hadn't I listened? "The girls are out bike riding. They should be back any time now. How are you?" "I'm okay. It's good to get away." In fact, she was grateful for the invitation to visit for the day. She wasn't in the mood to see her mother. "So stay. We've got plenty of room." The smell of coffee drifted in on the tail end of a breeze, and Laura caught the faint scent of bacon not far behind. It made her feel safe for a moment, and she rubbed her arms through her thin windbreaker. She heard Susan, Jolly and Mavis ride up on their bicycles, chattering away and ready with generous hugs for her. She watched as Mavis hurried over to the hammock and began swinging it dangerously back and forth, while Wanda held on for dear life all the while shouting obscenities. "She accidentally dumped Mavis out of it this morning," Susan explained. "They've been like two

little kids since we got here." Mavis didn't stop tormenting her until Wanda threatened to throw up. Laura had always liked seeing them play together. She sighed and realized how much she had missed being a part of things. Later on, the five of them strolled down the shady park road. Dodging deer droppings, Mavis described all the wildlife they had seen since their arrival. As they fed a loaf of bread to the ducks at the river's edge, Laura recognized the sharp scent of cedar close by. It was a nice, clean smell, one that she would remember for a long time. She leaned against a cypress tree and took comfort in its rough texture on her shoulder. "How many times did you try to get me up here?" she asked Mavis, who had just finished feeding the ducks the last of the bread. Susan, Jolly and Wanda were up ahead skipping rocks across the water. "Plenty. You never were much on tryin' new things. Especially if it was somethin' I wanted to do." "You still have that knack for seeing the worst in me. They went back to the cabin and made sandwiches and mixed drinks. The simplest of meals seemed to taste so much better out in the open fresh air. A ham and cheese sandwich became a delicacy. The kitchen counter had been converted into a completely stocked bar. Oreos and Cheetos were piled high. "Camping staples," Mavis explained as she nodded toward all the junk food. "Why don't you stay the night?" Susan offered. "There's an extra bed." "I have to work tomorrow," Laura said. Her company was about to launch a big project, and Laura was part of the marketing team. "And there's Jo-Jo. Poodles are so possessive. She gets in my closet and pees if I'm gone longer

than she thinks I should be." "Maybe I oughta try that," Mavis said, giving Susan a pensive look. Laura stretched her legs and took the drink Mavis had made for her. The five women sat around the primitive table in the combination living-room-dining-room-bedroom and gossiped about mutual friends and the female ranger who had kept driving by the cabin all day long. "Fess up," Laura said. "How much do you guys talk about me?" "You?" Jolly said, looking away from her guiltily. "Oh, lots," Mavis chirped. "Every night over cowgirl coffee we sit around the campfire and wonder when little ol' Laura's gonna wise up." "Christ," Jolly muttered. Laura sensed how uncomfortable they all were by the amount of squirming that took place and the loudness of the ice rattling in plastic cups. She laughed, feeling a sense of relief at not having been forgotten by them. Mavis, the only one willing to tell her the truth, laughed with her, while the others sat back and watched the exchange like a group of floundering attorneys itching for a recess. "You're not even goin' through the motions anymore, Laura," Mavis said. "You work all day and piddle all night. You hardly ever go out. No one sees you anymore. If you'd just get some kinda life goin', you'd never hear another peep outta me about it." "We should all be so lucky," Wanda said dryly. "They think you need a shrink," Mavis said. The other three wilted and groaned in their rickety wooden chairs, while Laura chuckled at their embarrassment. "And what do you think, Mavis?" Laura asked. Mavis smiled engagingly. "I think you need a good lay." "Hasn't that always been your answer for everything?" "Not everything." Mavis popped an olive in her mouth and rolled it around between her

perfect white teeth. "Not everything." The following Sunday Laura and her mother sat on the porch swing and listened to the faint tinkling of a distant ice cream truck. They kept up a steady rhythm as the swing creaked on the offbeat against the soft thud of Laura's foot giving it a timely shove. She had been a good daughter today. She'd brought over sliced brisket, corn on the cob, fresh baked bread and a bouquet of flowers purchased from a street urchin at a busy intersection on the way over. The corn on the cob alone would have put her in good graces with her mother. The flowers were an added bonus. They had finally settled down, having barely escaped the beginnings of an argument less than an hour earlier. Laura knew the warning signs and was forever steering them away from dangerous topics. Just once she would like to leave from her usual Sunday visit in a good mood, feeling loved, appreciated and accepted for what she was. So far no such Sunday had ever existed. "Louise Barknagel has a throat infection," Mrs. Davenport said in that offhanded way she had when she wanted Laura's undivided attention. "Oh?" Laura managed. It was warm for an April evening, with the ever present buzz of a mosquito as the first sign that it was time to go home. "Her grandson took her to the doctor when she got sick. He's a wonderful young man. Thinks the world of her." Laura felt the beginning of a headache somewhere along her temple. "Your father and I used to talk about having grandchildren some day. He had such plans for them." "Please, Mother," Laura said quietly. "If I could put them on my Visa, I'd get you all the grandchildren you want." She found her purse and keys on the small table inside the door and was back out on the porch with her mother right behind her. "I need to get going. It's late."

"You're thirty-one years old Laura. How much time do you think you have? How much time do you think / have?" They looked at each other for a long moment before the tears welled up in the corners of her mother's eyes. "If you hadn't gotten mixed up with that woman none of this would have ever happened." "Mavis has nothing to do with it. It's me, Mother. I'm a lesbian. Get used to it because this is all there is. No son-in-law and no grandchildren. Just me. I'm leaving now. I'll call you tomorrow." Just one Sunday, she thought on her way down the steps. Just one Sunday visit without this. PART TWO Two Years Later

Chapter Five The organ player's rendition of "Spanish Eyes," along with Mavis's soft humming, was more than enough entertainment as far as Laura was concerned. She took in the black-suited waiters scribbling on pads and reciting the string of salad dressings available. She had put this off as long as she dared. Al believable excuses had been depleted. "Why do you like this place?" Daisy grumbled. She picked up the plastic menu that doubled as a placemat and squinted to read the small print. "They even have fake ivy running along the window." "The Kmart of steak houses, darlin'," Mavis said proudly, "and we get to hear Alfredo play all those romantic tunes that I just love." "By all means," Laura agreed dryly. She didn't begin to relax until the waiter came over to take their orders. "So why haven't we heard from you in four months?" Daisy asked Laura. Her stringy blonde hair hung loosely on her shoulders, with the ends a tad bit lighter than the rest. She was one of those women who actually looked like her name — thin, feminine, blonde, wispy. Always up and agreeable. She reminded Laura of someone who hadn't quite recovered from the sixties. Sandals and beads were the only items missing. Laura unwrapped a cracker and carefully spread butter on it. "I've been busy." It was true. Now that she was head of the marketing group, her workload had more than doubled. "I just got back from a seminar in St. Louis." "A four-month-long seminar?" Mavis clucked. "I was born at night, darlin', but not last night." Laura snatched up two pink packages of artificial sweetener and tapped them against the side of the table. "It's easier staying away." They hadn't been together five minutes and Laura already regretted accepting the dinner invitation. "You both look thinner." Mavis smiled and inspected her salad carefully. "We've been playin' soccer. Can you imagine, darlin'? Me playin' soccer? I lost ten pounds in three weeks." "Soccer," Laura said. The word sounded foreign to her.

"And we're into our second week of a rugby clinic," Daisy added. "Rugby?" "Oh, yes. We really like it, too. Beats the hell out of jazzercize and all that other crapola. You should come with us. Meet some new people. Old people, too." "I don't think I'm the rugby type." Daisy cleared her throat loudly at the insinuation that one had to be a certain "type" to appreciate sports. Laura smiled and gently tossed her salad with her fork. She had to admit that she had missed these two. Mavis always made it a point to keep in touch with her no matter what turn their social lives had taken, but they had gradually drifted apart the last couple of years. Daisy was Mavis's third lover since the split with Susan two summers ago. Ironically, Laura had liked all of Mavis's lovers. "Several old friends have been askin' about you. Jolly and Wanda in particular." Mavis fluffed up the back of her hair. "You've been skippin' out on everybody. They're playin' rugby, too, darlin'. It'll look like old times out there. You sure you're not interested in rugby school? It'll be fun!" "I don't think it's for me. Thanks." The awkwardness was back as each turned her attention to her salad. It crossed Laura's mind as she struggled with another pack of crackers why she had chosen to isolate herself from them in the first place. There's nothing worse than being around happy people when your own life is so screwed up, she thought. At least work kept her busy. She smiled as Mavis put her fork down and batted those long lashes at her. "You're not happy, darlin'. I know you. You ain't foolin' me for a minute." The sound of crunching lettuce filled the air until the waiter took away their empty bowls and cellophane wrappers. Laura stirred her tea again for lack of anything better to do. "How long has it been since you've..." Mavis groped for the right word. "... been out?"

"A long time. I like it that way." "The next step is a convent," Daisy warned good-naturedly. "I'm too old for a convent." "Hell, darlin'. Convents take anybody." Their orders arrived and they began talking about soccer and rugby again, the only topics that seemed safe enough at the moment. Laura felt restless, much the way she had before signing the papers on her house, or when she woke up on Sunday mornings knowing she would have to spend the day with her mother. "Saturday a few of us are gettin' together at our place for dinner," Mavis said. "Susan's got a new lover and we're tryin' to ease her into the group. When was the last time you saw Jolly and Wanda?" "About six months ago at one of the malls." "You should be ashamed of yourself! Friends ain't that easy to come by. Dinner on Saturday, darlin'. I won't take no for an answer." Laura parked in the street behind Jolly's truck and tucked her sunglasses safely into her purse. The moment she stepped on the porch, she could hear muffled voices from inside and resisted the urge to turn around and go back home. "Look who's here!" Mavis announced. "Late as usual." Laura got a hug from Daisy and little more than a slight nod from Jolly. It's that remark I made months ago about Mavis getting custody of all our friends, she thought wearily. "This is Trish," Mavis said, introducing a young woman sitting on the sofa next to Susan. She wasn't anything like what Laura had expected. Twenty-three at the most, she had shoulder-length black hair neatly spiked on top and dark eyes that registered boredom. Laura nodded politely. "It's been ages since I've seen you," Susan said as she jumped up to give Laura a kiss on the cheek. "How's Jo-Jo?"

"She's fine. What's this I hear about you two?" "We moved in together about three weeks ago." Mavis handed Laura a glass with margarita slush spilling over the edge. "I think you know everybody else 'cept maybe Robin. That's her talkin' to Wanda. Wanda! Laura's here." Mavis turned to Laura. "She might be mad at you," Mavis whispered. "I can't remember for sure." "Wel , well. You made it," Wanda said coolly. "I thought you'd crap out on us again like always." Oh, yes, Laura though. They're both stewing over the "who got the friends" remark. "Goodness, no," Laura said sweetly. "This bunch is always such a joy to be around." Wanda laughed despite not wanting to. "Have you met Robin McKavat? Robin, this is Laura Davenport. One of Mavis's old lovers." Laura smiled and nodded, taking immediate offense to being called an "old" anything. "She trades us in like used cars," she explained. Laura looked into the most arresting green eyes she had ever seen, eyes the color of clover, friendly and amused eyes. "Once we get too many miles on us she's off searching for a new model." "How many miles is too many miles?" Robin asked with a hint of a smile. "I'm not sure," Laura said. "The warranty's a little different each time." To Wanda she said, "Here. Drink this. Mavis makes the most ghastly margaritas." She handed over the brimming glass and noticed Robin's cane for the first time. It was a dark, glossy mahogany, impressive and mysterious, and stayed tucked close to Robin's right side. "Tequila gives me a headache," Laura said casually. "It's Mavis's way of making sure I leave early." During the course of the evening, as the laughter and the drinking increased, Laura finally began to loosen up a little, but still couldn't quite get in step with them. She glanced over at Trish, Susan's new lover, whose smile seemed forced the few times Laura had seen it. Around Mavis and her friends Laura felt an alienation of her own but took little comfort in knowing she wasn't the only one having a hard time. In the kitchen Laura offered to help with the relish tray and allowed Mavis to take out a

few remaining pent-up frustrations on her. There were the usual remarks about the absurdity of arts and crafts as a hobby, and references to the piles of money Laura made. Mavis was especially good with small groups, always insisting on the spotlight and able to get the best of anyone willing to give her the chance. "Will you be there Saturday?" Mavis asked her again for the third time. "We can pick you up on the way over." Wanda and Robin were at the sink chipping ice for drinks. "The soccer field is at Olmos Basin," Wanda said. "It's in the park." "I know how to get there," Laura said. "I'l go, okay?" "How come I don't believe you?" Mavis said. Laura made a pyramid with the black olives and shrugged. "I don't know. It's not like I've made a habit of lying to you, is it?" "Touche, darlin'. I know. I know. That's my department. Stop flauntin' your honesty. I ain't in the mood." Laura laughed. "My honesty's one of the few things you've ever depended on me for. That and your laundry." She arranged the pickle spears that separated the green and black olives on the platter, while Wanda and Robin took turns filling the ice bucket. "Our first argument was over laundry," Laura said as she gave Mavis a thump on the nose. "Remember that? I caught you washing the underwear with the dish towels. I nearly gagged." Wanda snorted, and Mavis looked over at her menacingly. "It was like World War Three! I never heard so much yellin' in all my life!" "You argued over underwear and dish towels?" Wanda asked. "She made me throw them cute little dish towels out, too! They had these little penguins on 'em that I just loved." "I was in charge of the laundry after that," Laura said. "She couldn't be trusted anymore."

"You threw them out?" Wanda bellowed. "Weren't they washed in detergent?" "There was no reasoning with her," Mavis said with her palms in the air. '1 tried everything. It was like talkin' to a wall. After that, the dish towels and the underwear stayed in different rooms when she sorted the clothes. It was the most amazin' thing I ever saw." She picked up the relish tray and followed Wanda out with the ice bucket. "And I just loved them little penguin dish towels. I just loved 'em." Laura screwed lids back on the empty jars and lined them up along the counter. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Robin near the sink leaning steadily on her cane. "You nearly gagged?" Robin asked. Laura chuckled away her embarrassment. They looked at each other for a moment. It was a brief, friendly exchange, and she was once again enchanted by those piercing green eyes. "She's exaggerating a little." Laura shrugged. "I never actually kept the underwear and dish towels in different rooms." "I see." Laura watched her pour wine into a stemmed glass as the chatter reached them from the other room. Robin gripped the cane with her right hand and shook that wonderful red hair out of her eyes. She had on crisp blue jeans, with white Reeboks and a light green T-shirt that seemed to blend right in with those exotic eyes. The cane gave her a stately, noble look, almost like a young Barbara Stanwick ready to take on the world. Laura found her very attractive. "Who's Jo-Jo?" Robin asked. The question caught Laura by surprise, but she came to life again quickly. She liked Robin's hair, the way it was layered and feathered back in a fashionable style. The color was hard to describe, but she thought of the way new pennies might look in the sun. "I overheard you and Susan talking earlier," Robin explained. "She mentioned someone named Jo-Jo." "Jo-Jo's my poodle. Susan always asks about her."

"Let's eat," someone called from outside and within seconds the kitchen swarmed with activity. They moved the party out to the back yard and loaded the picnic table with heaping bowls of beans, potato salad and barbecue. Mavis tossed plates around like Frisbees, then patted the place next to her for Daisy to sit down. "Don't slide on the bench, darlin'. You'll get splinters in your ass." Laura found a place at the end of the table and was glad that Robin chose to sit across from her. She wondered how long it had been since she'd appreciated anything that didn't bark and track in mud. "Have you decided to play rugby with us yet?" Daisy asked her. Laura gave her a skeptical "are you out of your mind" look and shook her head. "Mavis talked me into going to the game next week. That's all." She imagined the heat, the bugs, and no place to sit, and almost immediately had second thoughts about the whole thing. "I take it you're not a rugby player," Robin said. Laura laughed. "No, I'm not." "You don't like any sports?" "Not really. If it makes me sweat, I don't do it." It was Robin's turn to laugh. "That rules out a lot of things." "Trust me, darlin'," Mavis said as she leaned around Daisy to look at Robin. "If it makes her sweat, she don't do it." "Who asked you?" Laura said over the laughter. Robin's eyes were on her, and she liked that. Laura shrugged and lowered her voice. "I thought about trying Jell-0 wrestling once. Does that count?" "Jel -0 wrestling," Robin repeated. "What an interesting concept." There was always that half smile, as if she didn't trust anything she heard. Laura liked that, too. "You have some very strange ideas." Robin smiled and nodded toward Mavis. "They made bets that you

wouldn't show up today." "My friends are assholes. What can I say?" They were a frisky group, if not rowdy. Everyone raved over the ribs and went back for more. There were discussions on what needed to be done to improve their rugby game, and where exactly it was that Trish worked. She was a hair stylist at a trendy salon at one of the malls on the north side. Laura recognized the name right away. After they had finished eating, everyone spread out comfortably and wandered off around the yard, discussing everything from eggplant to rugby socks. Laura found an empty lawn chair she could call her own and promised to stay until the mosquitoes moved in. "Tell me more about this Jell-0 wrestling fantasy of yours," Robin said from somewhere behind her. She was collecting paper plates and throwing them in the trash can. Laura sipped her beer, then pursed her lips thoughtfully. "You're not by chance one of those roller derby fans, too, are you?" Robin asked. "What gave me away?" She shook her head and laughed. It was a real, unpretentious laugh. Laura like hearing it. Daisy passed around huge pieces of chocolate cake and offered to get drinks for those in need. Laura watched Trish and Susan at the end of the table kissing and cuddling. She relaxed in the chair and enjoyed her beer, wondering what it would be like to be in love again. From what she remembered, it had been well worth the trouble. Laura got up and dragged her chair over next to them and proceeded to make herself comfortable again. "This is a party, not the Newlywed Game." "I've been telling her about you," Susan said. "Jesus." Laura sighed. "Don't believe a word of it." "Remember the Halloween party where you came as a pregnant angel? Wings and halo. The

works." "A fallen angel," Laura said. "Remember the year we all went as a centipede? With the shoe boxes on our feet? No one could drive, so we had to take the bus." Susan laughed. "It's good to see you again. You always stay away so long." "I've stayed away? Have you forgotten where my house is?" Laura asked. "Have you lost my telephone number? Methinks not, since I'm in the book. Why is it when we don't see each other for a year, it's my fault?" "That's not what I meant." Susan obviously hadn't expected an outburst, but she managed an embarrassed smile. "You two have an apartment?" "We've got a house over by St. Mary's University." "Are you busy tomorrow?" Laura asked. "I've decided to bake bread all day. We could play cards or something afterwards." Renew this friendship now, she thought, or you won't see them again until someone's Christmas party in seven months. "We've got rugby practice," Susan said. "Rugby? You're playing rugby, too?" "We both are. That's where we met." "Wel I'll be damned." Susan laughed. "It's really a lot of fun. Once the bruises turn yellow." "We could go over after practice if we're not too wiped out," Trish offered. "I love the smell of fresh bread." Laura heard that laugh again, the laugh that reminded her of wind chimes. She looked across the yard and saw Robin and Mavis talking. She wanted to be there with them. "Who's this Robin person? I haven't seen her around before." "One of Mavis's patients from a few years ago," Susan said. "She just moved back to town recently." A patient, Laura thought. The limp. The cane. Physical therapy. "She helped us move. She's very nice."

"What does she do?" Laura asked. "She's a diving coach or something... swimming instructor. I don't know exactly." "Water stuff?" Laura offered absentmindedly as she continued to stare across the yard. "Yeah. Water stuff."

Chapter Six Bread baking had been such a success that Susan and Laura had lunch during the week, and then Trish called to invite her over for dinner on Saturday evening during Memorial Day weekend. "Any objection to Robin joining us?" she asked in a casual, offhanded way. "It's your house, dear." Laura found the address in a crowded St. Mary's neighborhood where all the houses looked the same. The yards were small but neatly manicured. A group of teenage boys tossed a football back and forth in the middle of the street. "Robin should be here in a few minutes, but Trish doesn't get off until eight." Susan poured their wine, and when Robin arrived at seven, the three of them settled comfortably in the living room. Robin hooked the cane over the arm of the chair, and Laura found herself taking every opportunity to glance over in her best nonchalant manner, as if to say, "I'm really not looking." As she Watched Robin and Susan together, she realized that they were much more than acquaintances. They talked about people Laura didn't know, and had done things together she knew nothing about. Your friends have new friends! Where have you been? She listened to them and realized before long that Robin had caught her staring. "I've got a problem with Mavis," Susan said casually, and ran her hand through her short curls. She leaned back against a pillow and peered up at the ceiling. "Trish doesn't want anything to do with her." "That's understandable," Laura said. "New lovers usually don't like the old lover." "I see Mavis at work every day. What am I supposed to do? Trish hates it." "What in particular doesn't she like about her?" Laura laughed suddenly and dismissed the question with a wave of her hand. "So many things come to mind." "I know Trish is jealous, but I can't get her to talk about it much."

"Go out with them a few times," Laura suggested. "Daisy and Mavis can be a lot of fun." "Trish won't even discuss it." "Mmm. Have you talked to Mavis about this? She's a charmer when the mood strikes her. Maybe they just got off on the wrong foot." "Mavis says I'm making the whole thing up. She doesn't believe there's somebody out there who doesn't like her!" That brought a hearty laugh from all three of them. "Then I'd say let it go for a while. How important is Mavis to you anyway?" Susan didn't answer right away and then disappeared into the kitchen to get more wine. "Oh, my," Laura said. "We've stirred something up here." "We?" Robin said good-naturedly. "Leave me out of this, Kemosabe. This one's all yours." They eyed each other favorably for a moment. "How long were you and Mavis together?" "Eight years." There was genuine surprise in Robin's expression, which made Laura laugh all over again. "Eight of the longest years of my life." Susan came back with the wine bottle and refilled their glasses. Laura showed no mercy and proposed the same question to her again. "How important is Mavis to you?" Susan grinned sheepishly. "How important is she to you?" she countered. "Mavis isn't the kind of woman you can sweep under the rug. You should know that better than anyone." "Your priorities seem a little misplaced here," Laura said, ignoring that last remark. "The first three months in a new relationship should be spent in bed, not worrying about whether your current lover likes your ex-lover." "Trish and I are fine in bed." "Then forget about Mavis. Who cares if they like each other or not?" "7 care. My friends are important to me." "You think it's fair to insist that Trish like all your friends? Goodness. No wonder the poor thing stays at work till all hours." Susan rolled her eyes, while Laura draped her arm along the back of the couch and gave Susan's shoulder a friendly pat. "Trish has every right not to like Mavis," Laura continued, 'j'ust like you had every right not to like me

at first. Or the way Daisy felt about you when they got together. It's natural. Give it some time. Things will work out." "I've always liked you!" "Bullshit," Laura said flatly. Robin's laughter startled them both. Trish arrived a little after eight and took a quick shower before helping with dinner. There was a relaxed, informal rapport among the four of them almost immediately, and it set the mood for an evening of interesting conversation. Laura offered to make the salad and enjoyed having Robin to herself for a few minutes. Robin steadied herself with her cane as they moved around the table. They looked at each other with a mutual degree of interest, and the brief scent of Robin's perfume reaffirmed every lesbian tendency Laura had ever harbored. "You remind me of a friend I had in college," Robin said. "Where did you go to school?" "Incarnate Word." "Mavis went to Incarnate Word," Robin said. "I was tutoring algebra three nights a week and she was failing it for the second time. Our first date was spent over a Big Chief tablet with matching mechanical pencils." "Did you get her through it?" Laura smiled. "Are you referring to algebra, or our first date?" "Algebra." "She did very well." Over the next few weeks, despite their busy schedules, Susan, Trish, Robin and Laura made plans for dinner, movies, a concert in the park and a baseball game, with box seats a must since Robin had difficulty climbing steps and Laura insisted on being under the net and out of reach of foul balls.

"I'm only here for the nachos," Laura confessed. It was her first minor league game. "I was always terrible at baseball. They said I threw like a girl." "There's nothing wrong with that," Trish said generously. "In my old neighborhood it was a crime. I was always the last one picked for anything." Robin kept her cane propped against the armrest they shared. The stadium lights were bright and the warm breeze across the field welcome. Robin and Laura had exchanged suggestive comments in passing and meaningful looks for weeks now. It was exciting, and always on the verge of becoming more, but neither seemed ready to do anything else about it. Having Robin this close was wonderful, and Laura found ways to touch her casually and as often as possible. Robin passed down bags of peanuts purchased from a wandering vendor and handed Laura a box of popcorn. "I can't imagine you and Mavis together for eight years," she said. Her tone was serious and her eyes so green that Laura felt lost in them. "We were different people then." "Different how?" "Younger. Idealistic." Laura opened the box and offered its contents automatically. "So much in love I thought we'd always be together. Love makes you stupid sometimes." "You were happy?" "For a while. Very happy." "What happened? Do you mind me asking these questions?" Laura laughed. "We didn't have the same goals, but it took me several years to figure that out. In between we had other problems. Mavis thinks of fidelity as a communist plot." They were too involved with each other to hear the crack of the bat or see the right fielder drop the ball. "When did you know it was over?" Laura thought for a moment. "One night she didn't come home, and I remember being more concerned about her taking my new car than who she'd been with. It opened my eyes to a

lot of things." She took a piece of popcorn out of the box and put it between Robin's lips. It was a bold gesture, but one she felt comfortable making. "It's stale," Robin said, chewing slowly, deliberately, never taking her eyes off of her. "I know." "Mavis is a fool." "That's always been part of her charm." Robin smiled. "You're making this a very interesting summer." "I'm glad you think so." Laura wanted those eyes on her forever, and liked the subtlety of the attraction between them. They missed the roar of the crowd as a runner successfully stole third base, and in Trish's excitement Laura's popcorn went flying everywhere. There was a string of apologies and abrupt laughter following the dusting of kernels from everyone's hair. The brief intimacy had slipped away, but stayed buried in the back of Laura's mind. The four of them continued spending a lot of time together, with Susan coordinating their excursions with the finesse of a drill sergeant. They took a spontaneous trip to Austin (Robin and Laura in the back seat singing along to whatever was on the radio), went on a spending spree at Textures Bookstore, and even held an all-night Spades tournament at Laura's house. They liked doing a lot of the same things and had a good time no matter what they did. They spent the evening of the Fourth of July at Fort Sam Houston on the tailgate of Trish's truck waiting for the fireworks display. Wine and cheese had been carefully packed away, and Laura was acutely aware of Robin's closeness as they sat next to one another. "How long did you live in Chicago?" Trish asked. Robin held onto her cane and tossed her shaggy red hair away from her eyes. "Four years." "You like it up there?" "It's okay," Robin said. "I like living where the seasons change."

"We've got that here." "I'm talking about winter, summer, spring and fall. Not cool and cooler, and hot and hotter." "That's awful," Trish said. "And you claim to be a Texan!" "I am a Texan, but the weather here sucks." Her bluntness made them all laugh. "Do you drive in all that snow?" Trish asked. "Sure." "And you coached diving up there?" Laura listened carefully. Trish was asking questions that she herself had wondered about but hadn't gotten around to yet. "Yes, I stil do. I'm on a leave of absence until September." Robin held her empty glass up for Laura to refill, and leaned against her playfully. "I'm here helping my uncle for the summer. He had a mild heart attack in March." "I thought you'd moved here permanently," Laura said. "No. It's temporary." Robin shrugged. "Your uncle's a coach too, isn't he?" Trish asked. "Yes. I've got two cousins trying to get ready for national competition. They talked me into helping out for a while." She turned to Laura and nudged her again. "You're awfully quiet." "Do you have a lover in Chicago?" The question sparked an unnatural silence all around them. Laura kept her eyes on her and poured more wine in their glasses. "A simple yes or no will do." Robin smiled shyly, then looked away. "No." That was it. The extent of her answer. No lover — end of discussion. Laura could see Susan grinning in her direction, but she chose not to look at her. "That's it?" Laura asked. "I was hoping for a little more than a simple yes or no." The band started playing "Stars and Stripes Forever" across the parade field.

"My work keeps me busy. I don't have much time for anything else." "You'll be going back in September then." It was a simple statement, but the words stuck in Laura's throat nonetheless. "Yes," Robin said. "I'll be going back. My boss is only so understanding." "Any chance you'll change your mind?" "I don't think so. I agreed to stay until the end of August or until we find a permanent coach down here. Whichever comes first." "In other words, there's nothing to keep you here after that." There was tension in her voice. Laura could hear herself getting upset but couldn't stop it. "I have commitments there. Job. Apartment. Friends. Volunteer work three times a week. My life's been on hold since April." "This hasn't been easy for you," Laura said. She wanted something concrete. Something to help verify that she hadn't made this whole thing up. Robin was attracted to her. She was sure of it. "Things are complicated here." Laura felt tears threatening to sting her eyes, but she was determined to continue. "What sort of things?" "My family. This whole coaching fiasco. The exact reasons I moved away in the first place. My sanity comes in spurts these days." "I'm sorry you're unhappy." "I've had spurts of happiness too," Robin said quietly. "I've met some wonderful people." Laura drained her glass and then filled it again just as the fireworks went off overhead, lighting up the sky in a myriad of color. She jumped from the tailgate and wandered into the throng of oohhing and aahhing skywatchers close by, sinking in the reality of not being quite wonderful enough.

Chapter Seven Laura couldn't stop thinking about her. She couldn't eat or sleep and spent most of the time daydreaming. Susan called to set up a foursome for dinner and cards, but Laura declined. She needed time to get herself together. She hated all of this emotional turmoil and thought about not seeing Robin again. Should she just quit cold turkey? she wondered. That would be the smart thing to do. Get on with your life, she told herself. Save yourself some grief. September was only seven weeks away. Could she go seven weeks without seeing Robin, knowing that she's here? And how much longer would she be here? Robin and her uncle had been interviewing coaches off and on during the last few weeks. Robin could be gone any day now. Mavis called the next evening in the middle of a sobering cleaning spree. She wasn't in the best of moods either. "What's this I hear about you and Robin seein' each other?" "We're not seeing each other," Laura said defensively. "We're seeing Susan and Trish." "Stay away from her. She's got problems enough already." Laura clutched the phone and returned to her dusting, determined once again not to get upset. "Robin's havin' lunch with me tomorrow," Mavis said. "I'll let her in on a few things. She'll be wiser when I'm through with her." Laura tossed her dust rag down and tucked a loose wisp of hair behind her ear. "We're all wiser when you're through with us." "I can fix you up sometime, Laura. I know a lot of single women." When Mavis was scared or angry she had a tendency to lose her accent, and there was barely a trace of it now. "If you expect to get somethin' out of this, darlin', you can forget it. Robin won't sleep with you. You're wasthV your time." Laura shook her head and beckoned Jo-Jo over to the couch with the snapping of her fingers. Had she even thought that far ahead yet? Sex? A relationship? Was she ready for

any of that? She hugged the poodle closer to her chest. "We're friends," she said. "Like hell you're friends," Mavis whispered. Laura could tel that she was crying. "Why are you doing this, Mavis? Why can't you just leave it alone?" "I'm havin' lunch with her tomorrow," she said with a sniff. "I'll fil her in on a few things about you." Laura heard little alarms going off in her head. "Things like what?" But Mavis had hung up already. Laura got very little sleep the rest of the week. She cal ed Susan on Wednesday and hinted around to see if she had heard anything. She didn't have the nerve to come right out and ask. She decided to invite Susan, Trish and Robin over Friday evening, giving Susan a time and letting her pass on all the details. On Friday afternoon, unable to concentrate, she left work early, stopped at the grocery store for salami, cheese, crackers and beer, and went home to pace, glad her guests arrived before the onset of an anxiety attack. Laura fixed a stiff gin and tonic and then led everyone out to the patio where they found the small plastic wading pool brimming with water. "It's a pool party," Laura said nervously. "We take our shoes off and soak our feet in it." "You're kidding, right?" Susan said. "Do I look like I'm kidding?" Laura took off her sneakers and stuffed her socks down inside. She noticed the amusement in Robin's eyes and felt a little better. "Come on. Get 'em off." Things seemed to be no different, but Laura couldn't help feeling shy and reserved. She decided then and there that before the evening was over she would find out what sort of damage Mavis had done to her character. She refused to spend another sleepless night worrying about it. She set up lawn chairs around the flimsy pool and brought out the platter of cheese and

crackers while the other three took their shoes off. Four pairs of feet rested in six inches of cool water, with wine and beer in an ice chest within reach. It was very relaxing, and after a while the others apologized profusely for doubting the pool's potential. By the time it got too dark to see, no one wanted to go inside. Trish had protested the loudest but seemed to enjoy the water the most. "Remember the first time you kissed a girl? I thought I'd died and gone to heaven." "Easter Sunday, nineteen seventy-two," Susan purred. "I can't even remember the last time I kissed a girl," Laura said to an uproar of laughter. "They're women, not girls," Susan reminded them in the dark. "I started with girls." "It was Mavis, I'm sure," Laura said thoughtfully, and then remembered Tonita the bartender in Hawaii. "I was born gay," Trish said. "Interested in it even before it had hair on it, so to speak. When I was seventeen my girlfriend's mother walked in on us one night while we were making out. It scared me shitless." "My father caught me kissing my lover in the pool one day," Robin said from somewhere in the darkness next to Laura. Occasionally their toes touched in the water, but Laura made no attempt to move away. "My mother still blames him for everything. You should hear her sometimes. 'It's that GI Joe you bought her, Julian,' " she mimicked in a high-pitched nagging tone. "I always wanted a GI Joe!" "Me too." "I had a Barbie and Ken," Laura said smugly. "Jesus. No wonder you throw like a girl." Laura splashed water on them and started a water fight that helped cool everyone off.

Once the squealing stopped and they settled down again she leaned back in the chair and waited for the moon to peek out from behind the clouds. It was quiet, and for the first time all evening she wondered if Mavis had lied about having had lunch with Robin. "I told my mother once that I turned out gay because she fed me Froot Loops when I was a kid," Laura said in a small, faraway voice. A while later she got everyone fresh drinks and settled back in her chair. They were contented voices in the dark, mere silhouettes when the moon allowed it. As the laughter continued, the alcohol mellowed them even more. "This is great. I should've bought a pool years ago." "You sound sleepy," Robin said, reaching for her hand. In the safety of the darkness she laced their fingers together while the tumbling in Laura's stomach threatened to make her speechless. "Are you?" "No." Surely the others could hear her heart pounding. Laura hoped no one asked her anything else. There was no way she would be able to answer. "I can't think of a better way to spend a Friday night," Susan sighed. "At least not with clothes on." Robin gave Laura's fingers a light squeeze and then let go. "Are you sure you're okay?" she whispered. "Mmm... yes. Thanks." Laura gulped her beer and wondered where the buzz went when she needed it. Someone moved a foot back and forth through the water, making small waves splash higher on their shins. "I think I'm having a crisis," Laura said. "A Mavis crisis." "What's Ms. Hooterville up to now?" Trish asked cynically. "She was supposed to have lunch with Robin this week." "She did," Robin confirmed. "Twice, in fact." "Twice?" Laura had talked to Mavis on Tuesday. Twice? They'd already had lunch twice? Obviously things had been interesting enough to warrant more than one meeting. "What did she tell you?"

"It doesn't matter." "It matters to me." "I've taken care of it already." "I have to know what she told you." The silence was eerie, with nothing more than a cricket somewhere in the yard and Jo-Jo going in the house through her swinging door. Robin reached for Laura's hand again. "We're going to the bathroom," Trish said diplomatically. They stepped out of the pool and hurried into the house with wet, bare feet. The light from the kitchen filtered out onto the patio and uncovered them from the darkness. "I forgot they were here," Robin said. "We were talking about Mavis." "Yes, I know. How can I convince you that it doesn't matter?" "You can't. Just tell me what she said." Robin let go of her hand again but looked at her for a long, excruciating moment. "I can't. I'm sorry." Laura finished her beer and forced herself to meet Robin's eyes. "Why not?" "It's not important. I don't put much stock in Mavis's version of things. She has a way of shaping the truth to meet her own needs. Lunch number two finally ended in a screaming match. She's not happy with me right now." "The dog house is a lonely place," Laura said philosophically. She leaned her head back and shook her hair away from her face. "Mavis doesn't want us to be friends." "Personally, I think she's still in love with you." Shocked, Laura was absolutely speechless. She hadn't heard anything this outrageous in years. After a few seconds, she blurted, "Why would you say such a thing?" Robin didn't answer, but continued looking at her. "She's had four serious lovers since we broke up." There was still the silence. Laura was willing to let it drop. "What else did she tell you at

lunch?" "I don't remember." Laura laughed again. "You don't remember? Two lunches and a screaming match and you don't remember?" "I'm choosing not to remember," Robin said carefully. "I've already said that it doesn't matter." Laura could see that they were getting nowhere, and Robin's unwillingness to share whatever else Mavis had elaborated on was beginning to get annoying. "We'd better go in," Laura said, and with one step she was standing in the middle of the tiny pool. "They won't come back if they think there's a heavy discussion going on out here." "There is." "There was. You chose not to remember, remember?" Robin held out her cane for Laura to pull her up from the chair. It was one of the few forms of intimacy they had shared over the last few weeks. Laura liked touching the smooth, cool wood and thought of the offer for assistance as a sort of privilege. The scent of honeysuckle came to them in the breeze. Robin's eyes were searching and mischievous. It was then that Laura realized how much she wanted her. She reluctantly released the cane. "Nice pool," Robin said. "Thanks. Have dinner with me tomorrow." "Alone? Without Frick and Frack?" "Alone. Me and you." Laura functioned better on impulse, and she didn't dare take time to think about what she was doing. She leaned over to kiss her, their lips touching gently in a whirl of emotion. It was magic, like falling in a dream, and she knew that Robin was feeling the same way. She

brought her hands up and filled them with that wonderful thick red hair before lightly touching her face. When the kiss was over she wasn't sure she would ever recover from it. "Stay with me tonight," Laura whispered. She kissed her again and felt as though she had found something that she had been waiting a very long time for. She took in the fresh scent of strawberries that clung to Robin's hair and said, "Stay with me." "I can't." Robin tilted her head back for more and made the most delightful moaning sound Laura had ever heard. "Of course you can." Robin kissed her again with a possessiveness that she sensed made them both weak, but then pulled away and laid her head on Laura's shoulder. "I don't want an affair with you." Laura swallowed hard to keep the lump from forming in her throat. The butterflies that had been dancing in her stomach only moments before had suddenly turned to lead. It came to her out of nowhere, like a shot tearing a gaping hole in her gut. It's Mavis, she thought. Mavis must have told her something else. The goddamn bitch! What else could she have said? Laura felt the warmth slowly draining out of her, rejection hardening her as the seconds ticked away. "I'm leaving in September," Robin said hoarsely. Laura stepped out of the pool and began picking up shoes as if by remote control. She handed Robin hers and gathered up the other three pairs in her arms. "Laura —" "You don't have to say anything." She opened the back door and dropped her shoes beside the refrigerator. Susan and Trish were waiting expectantly at the breakfast bar. "Good," she said. "You found more beer." She gave them their shoes and got herself another beer. "How's everything?" Trish asked.

"Everything's fine," Laura said quietly. The humiliation began to seep through every pore of her body, but she refused to give in to it. There would be plenty of time for all of that later, after they were gone. "You two ready?" Robin asked from somewhere behind her. They had their shoes on and drinks finished quickly. Laura held Jo-Jo against her chest and drew comfort from her closeness. Anger was finding its way through the devastation in her heart. She remained distant, and let everyone share equally in the awkwardness. At the door Trish and Susan offered hugs while Robin waited on the sidewalk leaning heavily on her cane. "We're going out to buy a pool tomorrow," Trish said. Laura forced a smile. "Get the one shaped like a turtle. You can set your beer on his head." She noticed that as soon as they opened the screen Robin turned around, looking as though she wanted to be anywhere else in the world at that moment. "We had a good time," Susan said. "If nothing else, we've got clean feet." Laura set Jo-Jo down to fend for herself and was more than ready to have this nightmare of an evening over with. She watched them shuffle down the sidewalk where all three got in Susan's car without looking back. The slamming of the doors confirmed the finality of their actions, and she was once again adrift in a sea of confusion.

Chapter Eight Laura finished her beer and felt as drained and empty as the can she held. Her memory was like a curse someone had put on her, with no way of escaping it. Jo-Jo sensed Laura's mood and wiggled cautiously on her lap. "Love makes you stupid sometimes," she said, gently rubbing the poodle between the ears. She listened to the radio for a while and finished another beer before taking a shower and going to bed. She couldn't sleep once she got there. Too much had happened in such a short period of time. Laura wanted to turn her mind off in hopes that some of the hurt would go away. She remembered everything so clearly, too clearly — exact words spoken during the evening, the cool ankle-deep water they had splashed in, the stories, the laughter, and that incredible moment when Robin had reached for her hand. How can things be so wonderful one minute and then turn to absolute shit the next? she wondered. None of it seemed real. She remembered being ecstatic, elated. Like a five-year-old on Christmas Eve who had just heard the scuffling of reindeer on the roof. She had no idea what had happened. Did things start moving too fast? And how fast was too fast anyway? They had been seeing each other for weeksl It was mind-boggling, and she lay there torturing herself over the details. The only feasible explanation was that Robin didn't want her. Forget the hand-holding and those special looks across the room, Davenport. They've changed the rules since you did any of this. The telephone beside her bed screamed at her. She struggled to get out from under the covers to answer it. "It's me. Did I wake you?" Robin's voice was low and throaty, and sent a fanfare of emotion blaring within seconds. Laura relaxed her grip on the phone and sank back into the mountain of pillows. "No. I'm

awake." "I can't stop thinking about you." Laura caught the tinge of weariness in her voice, as if thinking about her were the last thing in the world Robin wanted to do. Serves her right, she thought angrily. Why should I be the only one awake and miserable? "I need help," Robin said. "We're getting nowhere with this." Laura threw the covers off and swung her legs over the side of the bed. The hem of her sleeveless nightshirt hit her at the knees as she snatched the telephone off the nightstand and began to pace. "What is it you want, Robin? A quick fix for a dull summer? A little companionship? You should've been more specific. I follow instructions pretty well." There was silence for a moment. "I'm sorry I hurt you." "I'm a big girl. I'l get over it. Who knows? Maybe in a month or two I'll forget the way your tongue feels in my mouth." Laura ran her hand through her hair as she paced. She stopped suddenly and then squeezed her eyes closed. "Good luck in whatever it is you're looking for, Robin. And give Mavis my congratulations. She got exactly what she wanted out of this." She hung up and went to the kitchen to fix what she liked to refer to as a "real" drink. "Puck this shit." She slammed the cabinet door. She stirred her tumbler of gin and left out the ice so she could drink it faster. If the booze got in her bloodstream quickly enough, she knew she wouldn't cry, and at the moment that was the only thing saving her. She drained the glass and made another drink before picking up Jo-Jo and giving her a hug. You open up just a little and look what happens, she thought. They blow a giant hole in you. She added ice to her third drink and let the tears roll down her cheeks. It felt good to finally be able to cry. Had she made it all up? The looks across the table? The weeks of verbal foreplay? And who touched who first anyway? she remembered angrily. Had it all been a game to her? A little

something to help pass the time? She pulled a stool out from under the breakfast bar and began stacking wooden coasters in neat little rows. Her whole life had been turned upside down. She propped her head up with the palm of her hand and let the slow makings of a buzz take over. Gin worked wonders on her; a good drunk was just what she needed. The doorbell rang and scared Jo-Jo into a barking frenzy. Laura glanced at the clock on the microwave and saw that it was already two-thirty. Mavis and Daisy occasionally stopped by on their way home from the bar if they saw her lights on. A round or two with Mavis would do her a world of good right now. She dried her eyes on the soft hem of her nightshirt and trudged through the living room to peek through the drapes. "Open the door," Robin said as she jabbed at the doorbell. Laura unlocked it and scooped the dog up to keep her quiet. "Don't ever hang up on me again!" She brushed past her with cane in hand and fire in her eyes. "We were finished talking." "You were finished talking!" "When I'm finished talking, I hang up," Laura said reasonably. How the hell did she get here so fast anyway? Laura set the dog down and realized she was standing there in her underwear and a flimsy shirt. "I'll put some clothes on. You want a drink?" Robin reached for her arm and stopped her. The grip was firm. They stared at each other for a tense, invigorating moment, both taking time to calm down. Robin's light green shirt seemed to be an extension of those intoxicating eyes. Her coppercolored hair and the way it fell in organized layers made not touching her even that much harder. My God, she's beautiful, Laura thought. "You must've flown over here." She liked the anger in Robin's eyes, and liked even more being responsible for it. "I cal ed from a gas station down the road." She let go of Laura's arm as if suddenly aware of touching

her. "I've been driving. I couldn't sleep." "I've been drinking. I couldn't sleep either." She cursed the excitement welling up inside but refused to give in to it. "I'm ready for another one right now. How about you?' "Don't drink anymore. Please." Laura's laughter was tired and hollow even to her own ears. Nothing made sense, but she knew that whatever Robin asked of her she would gladly do. "I need to put some clothes on. I'll be back in a minute." "You're fine just the way you are." She put her hand on Laura's arm again, urging her to stay. Laura couldn't have moved if she had wanted to. Robin reached over and touched her cheek. "You've been crying. I can't believe I've done this to you," she said as she touched the neckline of her nightshirt. Laura closed her eyes and allowed herself to enjoy the feel of Robin's fingers in her hair as they moved lightly along her neck and shoulder. She felt alive for the first time in years and thought for sure she would die from the fluttering inside. "Don't play with me." "I'm through playing," Robin whispered. "I'm sorry." Quickly she kissed the corner of her mouth. Laura let the butterflies cartwheel across her stomach as she put her hands on Robin's waist. They kissed slowly, deeply, with Robin's mouth soft and possessive on hers. They became lost in each other, their lips and tongues the focal point of their existence. Robin unbuttoned Laura's shirt and gently pushed it off of her shoulders. "I'm sorry," she said again against Laura's lips. Laura didn't answer, couldn't answer. There were no words to describe the absolute rapture that engulfed her. It was like a dream, a perfect dream where the world revolved in slow motion and made them gradually spin with it whether they wanted to or not. It gave her strength she never imagined. Laura became all the things she had been afraid of for so

long. She knew exactly what she wanted and would do whatever she had to do to get it. Never again would she wait for her life to take shape, or for someone else to come and save her from herself. She tugged on Robin's shirttail and fumbled with a variety of buttons as passion seared right through her. Laura led the way to her bedroom, but had to stop for a marathon kiss every few feet or so. She closed her eyes to Robin's mouth all over her body, that wonderfully sensitive place just below her ear, her throat, her shoulder. Fingers danced along her brow and into her hair, giving life to places she had forgotten even existed. They made it to the end of the bed, and what few clothes Robin hadn't lost along the way were soon in a pile at their feet. Laura kissed the soft hollow of her neck and found the scent of strawberries she remembered from earlier in the evening. She loved the hands that touched her breasts and then slowly followed the contour of her waist and hips. Their kisses were hot and sultry. Robin slipped her hands around and rubbed Laura's ass greedily. "I've thought about this a thousand times," Robin said into her hair, and added the last of their clothing to the floor. Hands and mouths were everywhere as they moved to the center of the bed. Laura touched Robin first, rushing through crisp damp curls. Robin squeezed her legs together, trapping Laura's fingers inside. She cried out as her body started its erotic dance, moving slowly at first, and then thrashing against Laura's thigh and burying those slick, thin fingers even further inside of her. Laura fucked her, sensing what she wanted, until Robin's body finally shuddered and collapsed against her. After a moment of erratic, heavy breathing, Robin pulled Laura on top of her and kissed her slowly, deeply as they began moving against one another all over again. Laura wasn't at all surprised at how good Robin's leg felt. Suggestions from that marvelous tongue as Robin's hands still gripped Laura's ass, pulling her closer, were more than enough to send Laura over the edge. She came with her head

thrown back, stretching and reaching for every last morsel of pleasure. Robin raised her leg a little and rubbed Laura's wetness along even more of her smooth silky skin. Afterward they were both breathless but able to smother each other with scores of kisses. Laura held her and would have been happy to have kept her that way all night. Nothing in her life had ever felt so right. "I want you again," Robin whispered. She kissed her eyelids and her nose, as if needing to memorize every cell and fiber along the way. "The first time I saw you I wanted you this way." Laura outlined an ear with her lips and took in the sweet, simple scent that she remembered so well. "Then what was that little scene we went through on the patio?" "I was hoping I could make you forget that." "You'll have to try a little harder." Robin kissed her and then started with the tip of her tongue and eased down Laura's body with slow, unabashed determination. Laura relaxed and surrendered to the moment as if a warm undertow were gently pulling her out to sea. There was a spiral of emotion, and she heard a slight moan catch in her throat as she tried to form a word, the only word that mattered any longer. Robin. The kiss moved down the length of her body slowly, deliberately. Laura opened her legs and let them be spread even more with the nudge of a chin. She ached for her and emptied her mind of everything but the ultimate lover's kiss. She came with a shudder, her body a quivering mass, her hands filled with Robin's hair, then searching erratically until she found the wet, eager mouth responsible for it all. She pulled her up and wanted to feel that wonderful body on her once again. Robin kissed her tenderly and offered her tongue as if not quite sure it would be accepted, but Laura wanted it. She wanted all of it. Laura kissed her forehead, her nose and her lips,

feeling the need to apologize for some reason. She helped Robin settle comfortably on top of her. "I can't believe you came back." "I was afraid you wouldn't let me in." Laura moved her hand down Robin's body and along the small of her back. The fire between them continued to grow slowly; she needed to be everywhere for her. "Tel me what you like," she whispered. "Tell me everything." Laura rolled her over and kissed her. Robin opened her legs and put Laura's hand between them in an invitation that brought on the swirling and tumbling all over again. Laura felt wild inside and wanted nothing more than to please her. Wetness surrounded her fingers, and she heard the long moan that had begun deep in Robin's throat, tel ing her more than words could have. The softness of her was like dipping into liquid velvet, a softness capable of giving as much pleasure as it received. Robin moved against her and kissed her deeply again. She was ready and demanding, and drawing the last ounce of pleasure from her hand. Robin caught her breath, murmuring softly, and curled into Laura's body with the apparent need to stay close. Earlier there had been words uttered in the heat of passion and the carefree abandon of making love with someone new, but nothing as open and honest as that liquid green gaze settling on her now. Laura kissed her and memorized that peaceful drowsy look, the eyes heavy in contentment. "Just two months to forget how my tongue feels in your mouth?" Laura lay down beside her and traced the tip of her finger along her jaw. "I don't think I'll ever forget." They began kissing again with renewed passion. It was quite a while before either of them gave in to sleep. Several hours later, light filtered in through the window and edged out the darkness in the bedroom. Laura woke Robin up with a long, sweet kiss. Robin was responsive and eager, and

they made love slowly. It wasn't until afterward that Laura discovered the first of the three scars. The cover on the bed was scrambled, and the scar on Robin's left side was finally visible once she turned over. It was pink and intimidating, like an eight-inch question mark carved across her ribs. Laura touched it tentatively and with wide eyes couldn't imagine having missed seeing it the night before. "I've got another one on my back," Robin said quietly. Laura helped her turn over and began to tremble the moment she saw it. The second scar was dark and thick near the spinal cord, almost seven inches long. Compassion swept through her quickly and filled her eyes with tears. "Why didn't you tell me? My God! Did I hurt you?" "Of course not. I'm fine." Robin kissed the top of her head and took her in her arms. "Are you sure? I've been floundering around on top of you for hours!" Robin laughed and gave her another reassuring hug. "You haven't been floundering. Jesus." Laura kissed her several times on the face and eyelids in nervous, manic gestures. She tried to say something, but incoherent sputtering was all she could manage. Finally, in a voice more calm and controlled than she felt, she said, "Let me see them again." "In a minute. You're shaking." Robin held her closer and rubbed Laura's arms slowly. "I'm okay. Please let me see them again." They moved to the middle of the bed; Robin's concerned smile acknowledged her consent and helped soothe this surge of energy that Laura felt lurking so close. Eye contact was never lost, and the initial panic eventually passed. "I should have realized—" "It's nothing." "Nothing?" Laura squeaked. Their foreheads were together with noses barely touching.

"It's nothing now." "I don't believe I did this." "Did what? We made love. What did you do?" "I should've been more careful." Robin kissed her gently on the lips and Laura felt more of her own hot tears spill out and roll down her cheeks as an overwhelming sadness began to take over. Sadness for whom or what, she didn't know. The limp. The cane. How could she have forgotten that? She was one of Mavis's patients, for Christ's sake! Laura had hundreds of questions, but none that she could put into words at the moment. Robin kissed the top of her head again and rested her chin there comfortably. "I have another scar here on my leg. See?" She took Laura's hand and put it on her right calf. "I won't break. This one here," she said as they both looked down at the scar on her side, "was for bladder repair. Romantic, huh?" Laura touched it with Robin's fingers guiding the way. "They did a good job. My bladder works fine now." She brushed Laura's tears away with her thumbs. "No more of these, okay? I cried for three months after the accident, and it didn't do any good. It's over," she said gently. "Can you talk about it?" "If it's important to you." "Everything about you is important to me." Robin smiled and nodded. "Some of the details are ugly. It happened my freshman year at college. A car hit me one morning while I was jogging. I spent nine months in the hospital." "Nine months," Laura muttered. She felt like a balloon with the air slowly leaking out of it. Robin's calm matter-of-factness was the only thing saving her from hysteria. "Three months in Boston and six months here. Mavis taught me how to walk again." Laura put her arms around her neck. Their foreheads were stil touching. "I didn't hurt you last night?"

"No," Robin said. Her smile was real. "You didn't hurt me last night." Laura moved slowly around behind her, kissing every inch of flesh as she went. "And this one?" she asked, running her finger gently along the dark, thick scar on her back. "What's this one from?" "Crushed vertebrae, bone chips, a fused disk." Laura bit her lip and felt new tears on their way down her cheeks. How different would things have been the night before if she had known? Everything happened so fast. She leaned forward and rubbed her nipples against Robin's back. "That feels good." Robin tilted her head and found Laura's mouth. The kiss was intense and passionate, and Laura felt desire rush through her quickly in a new perception of pleasure. "Make love to me," Robin whispered. "I need you to make love to me." She brought Laura down with her in one continuous merging of passion, and Laura answered with fingers in her hair and a fire she had no wish to contain. They moved against each other in a familiar prelude of sexual frenzy, eventually separated only by a thin layer of sweat. The scars were forgotten, and what few barriers had been there earlier suddenly crumbled and fell away. Hunger finally drove them out of bed. They were perched on stools at the breakfast bar, Laura in her nightshirt and nothing else, and Robin wrapped snugly in one of Laura's old robes. They shared an omelette and toast, unable to keep their hands off of each other. Robin nuzzled her neck and took Laura's earlobe into her mouth. "I have to be at work in twenty minutes." "That's not funny." "I'm not kidding," Robin said with a laugh, and then kissed her longingly. "I need to call the academy and take a shower." "You're really not kidding?" "I'm really not kidding."

"It's Saturday! Nobody works on Saturday." "The boys are in training. Saturdays aren't special. Where's the phone?" Laura reluctantly retrieved the telephone from the counter near the pantry and brought it back with its yards of springy cord. Robin pushed memorized numbers and then slipped a hand under Laura's huge shirt. They were kissing again when someone finally answered. "Hi," she said, breaking away from Laura's mouth. "It's Robin. Is Ian there yet?" Laura pulled the sash on Robin's robe and kissed the top of her breasts. "Jesus," she whispered. She found Laura's mouth and left no doubt as to what she wanted. "Tell him I'll be about thirty minutes late," she said, then hung up. "Let's take a shower."

Chapter Nine Laura parked next to Robin's Blazer at the McKavat Swimming and Diving Academy and was immediately impressed by the size of the place. Neatly tucked away in one of the oldest and most prestigious neighborhoods in town, the dome-like structure and its parking lot took up the majority of the block. The office area was empty, but vague signs of life prevailed. Along one wall stood three beautiful cases filled with trophies, medals and ribbons. Laura scanned them briefly before hearing Robin's voice in another room. Laura found her on the other side of the pool looking up at the diver perched on the platform. He was sixteen at the most, with an athlete's body and wet hair plastered to his head. He straightened his arms out in front of him and tumbled into the water with a perfect two and a half somersault. Laura applauded with a mixture of awe and enthusiasm. Robin laughed and waved her over. "This is my cousin Ian," she said as the diver came out of the water, "and my Uncle Harlow." Laura noticed the older man for the first time standing at the other end of the pool. "Nice to meet you," Uncle Harlow said. He was tall and graying and had a nice smile. Laura noticed a slight family resemblance among the three of them. "Is this your first time here?" "Yes," Laura said. "I had no idea it was this big." "Take her on a tour and show us off," he said as he collected a gym bag and a camcorder from a bench to the rear. The diver had already slipped into sweat pants and a T-shirt. "We'll go out the back." Laura and Robin watched them leave and waited for the clanking of the metal door that led to the rear parking lot. They were alone with nothing but the soft hum of the Coke machine

near the offices behind them. Laura tried to take it all in with a quick glance. The academy reminded her of a mini-Astrodome. "So this is where you work," she said. "I noticed the trophies out front. Impressive." Robin led the way back to the outer office and automatically took Laura's hand once they got there. "These are my grandfather's," Robin said proudly, and tapped the glass of the first trophy case with her cane. "He made the Olympic team in nineteen twenty-four." She pointed to the medallion hanging delicately on royal blue velvet. "He won the silver that year, and then spent the rest of his Ufe doing exhibitions all over the world. He's the reason we do what we do." The ribbons were faded and most of the trophies showed signs of age. Robin smiled and held Laura's hand even tighter as they moved over to the next case. "These are my Uncle Harlow's. He was a national champion in the early sixties and made the Olympic team in sixty-four." "How many divers are in your family?" "Three at the moment. I've got a cousin at the University of Miami who's ranked in the top ten, and the two I'm working with here." They moved over to the last trophy case. "My brother's twins should be ready to start training next summer. They're only six, but very anxious. Great things are expected from them." Olympics. National champions. Why hadn't she ever heard of them before? "It's a dynasty," she said. "My father grew up with it, but he wasn't very good. Both of my parents love the sport and were always supportive when I was a kid." She tapped the glass on the last trophy case with the handle of her cane. "These are mine. I'd been at it quite a while before the accident." Laura scanned the case's contents and read off dates and locations. The list of Robin's accomplishments seemed virtually endless. Laura

felt a nagging sense of insignificance as she stood there astounded. "National Champion 1978 and 1979," she said softly. "I had no idea." "Some things just weren't meant to be." Robin squeezed her hand and led the way back to the pool. "And it's all pointless since I never made it to the Olympics. When I was a kid I would've killed to be on a box of Wheaties." She stopped at the edge of the pool and pointed toward the platform suspended over the water. "That's the ten-meter tower and the three-meter springboard. This is where I spend most of the day." She reached for Laura's hand again and smiled. "Come on. I'll show you where I hang my whistle." She opened the door to a small office in the back and switched on the light. There was mail and folders all over the cluttered desk. "It's hanging there on the file cabinet." To Laura's delight Robin slowly maneuvered her to the edge of the desk and laid her cane on top of the mail. Their kiss was provocative and exciting, with Robin's mouth only slightly open at first. Laura offered her tongue, and Robin answered with a wonderful moan. It was like being touched for the first time; the swirling and tumbling still surprised her. It was so easy to get caught up in the passion. Doors that Laura had spent years hiding behind were finally opening. She wasn't afraid of anything that involved this woman. She leaned back on the desk and let the swimming in her head take over as Robin's fingers worked deftly at the buttons on her shirt. If foundering had been the result of this onslaught of pleasure, Laura would have gladly surrendered to it. Robin found her mouth again and kissed her hungrily. "Let's get you out of these," she whispered against her lips while tugging on Laura's clothes. "Now? Here?" "Now. Here." "Mmm," Laura cooed. She liked Robin's warm breath on her throat and the decisiveness in

her voice. "You're nice." "Am I?" "Oh yes." "You make me happy, Laura." She stopped what she was doing and looked steadily into her eyes. "Am I this good for you?" "I'll tell you about it sometime." Her arms went around Laura's neck. "Tell me about it now." "Every time you kiss me my socks roll up and down." "I'm serious," Robin said with a chuckle. "So am I. It's a wonderful sensation." "I'm serious," she said again. "What would you like to know?" Laura asked. "How I can never remember what day it is anymore? How I run stop signs when I'm thinking about you? How your voice on the phone can make me —" She stopped and seemed to lose her train of thought as their eyes met again. "Can make you what?" Robin whispered. Laura leaned closer to kiss her, their lips barely touching for the longest time. They finally melted together with an urgency they both understood and worked eagerly to get each other's clothes off. "This thing with the socks," Laura whispered. "It's such a wonderful sensation."

Chapter Ten They were together most evenings at Laura's house, skipping dinner and making love until the wee hours of the morning. Laura never asked where Robin was or what she did on the nights they weren't together, but she wondered about it all the time. The alarm clock screamed unmercifully somewhere on Laura's side of the bed, but she couldn't organize any specific movement in that direction. Much to her relief Robin disentangled herself from their lovers' embrace and reached over to shut it off. They snuggled and rubbed against one another for several minutes before Laura crawled out of bed and shuffled off to the shower. Forty-five minutes later she was dressed for work and sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'll call you at nine to make sure you're awake." "Where do you find the energy?" Robin pulled her down for a tender kiss. "We've only had three hours of sleep." She stretched, purring into Laura's neck. "Making love rejuvenates me." Robin sucked on her earlobe. "Jesus, you smell good." Laura laughed and was up and finishing the last of her coffee that was at best room temperature. She turned off the light in the bathroom and found her favorite earrings in the jewelry box. "Don't forget we're having dinner with Susan and Trish," Robin said sleepily. "No way to get out of it?" "Not this time. They're on to us." "Then I'l meet you there," Laura said with a smile. "I'll probably have to work late. Sweet dreams." "Come here and tel me good-bye." Laura came back to the bed and fussed with the covers. Robin clasped her arms around her.

"It won't work. I have to go." "You make me happy, Laura. Have I told you that lately? We'll work something out, you know." Laura kissed her lightly on the lips and said, "Maybe you could work a little faster." $$$$$ At six-thirty Laura drove around Red Lobster's parking lot searching for an empty space. It was just one more thing to add to an already miserable day. Nothing had gone right at the office, and her mother had called after lunch to complain about not seeing her for two Sundays in a row. Laura wasn't any good at making up excuses but did promise to come by during the week. By the time she got inside, the lobby was packed. Robin, Trish and Susan were in the corner near a gurgling aquarium. Laura was counting on them to cheer her up. "We're pretty high on the list," Susan said. "Trish got here early." Laura heard a decisive, "Son of a bitch." She turned around just in time to see Daisy and Mavis elbowing their way toward them. "Shit," Trish growled. "I don't believe this!" "Wel , looky here." Mavis began giving random hugs. "Daisy, darlin', go tell that reservation lady we need two more added to the Webb party." "Sullivan," Trish said through clenched teeth. "It's the Sullivan party." "The Sullivan party," Mavis corrected with a wave of her hand. "You're lookin' good there, Trish, darlin'. Robin! Long time no see. Ha-ha. We had lunch together today." Robin looked up at Laura with uneasiness etched around those incredible green eyes. "She surprised me," she said apologetically. "Oh, did she now?" Laura replied. They had talked during the day, once after lunch. Laura didn't know what was going on, but managed to keep her anger in check. She hated secrets. She cocked her head and with slightly raised eyebrows asked, "Did you take her to your office?" The heat rose in Robin's face quickly, but the

hostess called for the Sullivan party before they had time to get any further into it. What at one time had been a comfortable table for four was now a crowded table for six. Lovers sat together amid cool silence. Laura took Robin's cane and hooked it over the arm of her chair. She ordered an emergency whiskey sour and then regretted not ordering two. "What was that about Mavis and lunch in my office?" Robin leaned over and whispered. Laura smiled engagingly but didn't answer. She noticed how interested Mavis was in everything she and Robin had to say and recognized that restless way she tossed her blonde hair about. "How was lunch?" Laura asked Mavis with a smirk. Mavis answered without once taking her eyes off of Robin. "Fine. We had tacos." "Tacos. You two like tacos?" There was plenty of anxiety to go around, but Laura was the only one enjoying it. Her second whiskey sour relaxed her enough to endure whatever anyone felt like dishing out. The conversation turned to rugby before their food arrived, which should have left Laura and Robin to their own accord, but the moment Mavis caught them talking, rugby was the furthest thing from her mind. "Laura, darlin', you're lookin' a bit peaked these days." Laura smiled and brushed the frost from her glass. "I haven't been getting much sleep lately." "Is that so? That don't sound like you." "I'm a whole new person these days, Mavis. Like an old ivy in new potting soil." "Dirt's dirt, darlin'." "A whole new person," Laura said slowly. "Like a vegetarian who's just discovered prime rib." "Prime rib?" Mavis repeated. "Prime rib." Laura leaned across the table and said, "After spending eight years with hamburger, prime rib is a wonderful change."

Trish snickered loudly, while the others only rolled their eyes and gave thanks for the waiter's arrival. Laura finished her drink and ordered another. She wasn't sure how many it would take to get her through the evening. "Are you two sleepin' together?" Mavis snapped a few minutes later. She was fidgeting in her seat and playing with the salt shaker. She continued to direct her questions to Robin. "Mavis," Daisy said sharply, "eat and be quiet." No one said anything for a while, but eye contact told more than words could have. Trish sent her plate back after coming up two shrimp short, while the others passed crab cakes and oysters back and forth across the table in what was considered a fair exchange. "Robin's brother's in town," Mavis announced. "He's got the cutest little twin boys." Laura picked up her drink and let her anger build steadily on its course. Why she hadn't collected her things and gone home already was beyond her. "You didn't tel me your brother was in town," she said matter-of-factly to Robin. Robin shrugged. "I didn't know until this morning." Once again Laura remembered that they had spoken twice during the day with no mention of lunch with Mavis or a visiting brother. She set her drink down and decided not to finish it. Her imagination tended to run rampant under the influence. By eight-thirty they were going through the motions of leaving. Laura stood up and got Robin's cane for her then sprinkled several bills on the table to cover her share of the tip. The others joined them outside. "I'm tired of all this bickerin'," Mavis announced. "Me and Daisy's goin' to the bar for a drink. Everyone come join us. I'll buy the first round." "You're on," Susan said in a clipped tone. The other four turned expectantly to Robin and Laura with questioning, anxious expressions. "You two joining us?" "Are we joining them?" Robin asked Laura. "What would you like to do?" Laura countered, easily tossing the ball to her court.

"Be with you," Robin said. "You can do that at the bar," Mavis said. "Laura, darlin'. One drink. That's all I'm askin'." "Some other time maybe. I've had all the fun I can stand for one night." "Laura, darlin' —" "Some other time." Laura tossed her keys on top of the television on her way to the kitchen. She was ready for another drink and slung some bourbon in a tumbler and leaned against the sink. Robin pulled a stool out and hooked her cane over the edge of the breakfast bar. "Do you always drink this much?" "When I need to." They looked at each other; Robin's eyes were troubled and searching. It was that passive, shy part of her that stirred Laura the most. "You need to now?" Laura answered with a gulp that burned all the way down. "It's not good for you." "How would you know what's good for me? How many times a week do you see Mavis?" Robin shrugged and reached for her cane. "Twice. Sometimes more." "I didn't realize it was that often." She set her glass down and shoved her hands deep in the pockets of her skirt. "It's no big deal," Robin said. "Then why the secret?" "It's no secret. I didn't think it was important. Are we going somewhere with this?" "I guess that's up to you." "You should stick to gin. Bourbon makes you nasty." "Not at all," Laura said with a cynical laugh. "It give me courage. How long have you and Mavis been lovers?" Robin shot her a surprised look. "Mavis and I have never been lovers. Is that what this is

all about?" "The one thing I want—no, demand — out of a relationship honesty. Let's get that straight right now!" She finished her drink and set the glass down. It was the warmth and surprise of Robin's body against her back that nearly forced her to tears. Robin's hands moved slowly down along the smooth fabric of Laura's skirt; her breath brushed the back of Laura's neck. "Don't do this," Robin whispered. She turned her around and kept her hands on Laura's waist. "Mavis and I have never been lovers." "I don't believe you." Robin was at first shocked, and then seconds later amused. Laura knew instinctively that she had cal ed this one right whether Robin denied it or not. "Why don't you believe me?" "You're everything Mavis likes in a lover." "So are you." She returned to the breakfast bar to get her cane. "There's no reason for you to be jealous of anyone, Laura. I thought you understood that." "I don't understand anything." She picked up her glass and seemed to draw strength from just holding it. "While we're at it, let's kick around September and what happens then." With her cane in one hand and keys in the other, Robin looked up only briefly before heading out the door. "I'll be back later." "We either talk about it now or not at all. It's up to you." Robin set her keys down reluctantly and took a slow, deep breath. Laura could see the anger in her eyes but wasn't afraid of provoking it. She was determined to get answers one way or the other. "I'm working something out," she said in a strained, patient voice. "I want us to be together, Laura. You have to believe that." "Are you going back to Chicago or staying here?"

"I'll have to go back for a while." "How long? A week? A month?" "I don't know." "What do you know?" "It's not that easy." "What's not easy?" Laura threw up her hands in a helpless plea for sanity. "Tell me what's not easy. You've got a job here already." "Laura —" "I hate this," she said, and wilted into the stool next to her. "I hate all this whining and uncertainty. It's bullshit. It's not me. I usually lead such a boring, orderly life." Robin hooked her cane over the edge of the bar again and moved between Laura's knees, gently pushing the skirt up as she went. "You worry too much." "Give me a reason not to." Robin laughed and put her arms around her neck. Laura thrived on being touched by her. "Let's go to bed. I'll give you a hundred reasons."

Chapter Eleven Laura let Mavis's phone messages pile up on her desk, willing to ignore them as long as possible. The less she had to think about at the moment, the better she liked it. She left late for lunch and recognized Mavis's blonde, regal self leaning against a car in the only shade in the parking lot. Mavis was decked out in tight blue jeans and a red tank top; a carload of GI's slowed to get a better look at her. Laura acknowledged the fact that Mavis would probably always be able to strike a nice pose. "Have you had lunch yet?" Laura asked, resigning herself to spending at least an hour with her. They got into the car and Laura backed out carefully. "How about pizza? I like their salad bar." They rode in silence, with Mavis either staring out the window or fidgeting with her hair in the mirror on the visor. She rummaged through her huge purse and put the finishing touches on her lipstick before even attempting to say anything. "I don't like the way things have been between us, Laura. We're fightin' different, and it scares me." "Why should it scare you? Fighting's one of the few things we do well together." They had fifteen minutes worth of buffet left when they arrived, and virtually the entire pizza parlor to themselves. "It's this thing with Robin," Mavis said as soon as they settled down to their salads. "I can't explain what's happenin' to me. I just feel so mad all the time." "I thought you and Robin were friends." "We were." "Can I ask you something and get an honest answer? And don't lie to me. I want an honest answer." They exchanged a brief look before Mavis reluctantly nodded assent. Even as Laura formed the question in her mind, she wasn't sure just how ready she was for the answer. "Were you and Robin ever lovers?"

Mavis's fork stopped in mid-air on its way to her mouth. She returned it slowly to her plate. "Briefly, several years ago." Laura wasn't exactly surprised, but a deep sense of disappointment rushed to the surface. "When?" Mavis looked up at her but didn't answer. "When?" Laura asked again, a bit more firmly. "The summer you were offered the job in Washington." Laura dropped her fork. The words cut through her, then the rage began to sink in. Laura remembered that summer vividly as one of the best times she and Mavis had had together. Could it be possible? she asked herself. Could you have actually been that stupid? "Oh God, Laura darlin'! Don't cry." "Puck you, Mavis." "You asked me! Why did you ask me if you didn't wanna know?" "How could you have done such a thing? Then! How could you have done such a thing then?" "Laura—" "Of all the.,. how could I have meant so little to you and not known it?" 'It wasn't like that. It wasn't like that at all." "Then how in the hel was it!" Laura said viciously. "We were supposed to move to Washington and start a new life, and you let your mother change our plans. That's how it was!" "Don't blame my mother for your need to screw around on me!" "I'm not blamin' anybody for anything. I didn't love the others, Laura. That was the difference." Laura speared a tomato chunk and eyed her menacingly through the mist clouding her vision. "What a bag of shit."

"1 mean it." "How many others have there been? And don't lie to me!" Mavis cleared her throat, her piercing blue eyes searching Laura's quickly. "This isn't exactly what I expected from this lunch." "How many?" '1 don't remember. Three. Four." "Including Susan?" "Five." "Anyone else I know?" "No one you knew at the time!" "Tell me about Robin. Tell me everything." Mavis settled down a little and picked up her fork again. The waitress tidying up the salad bar glanced in their direction several times. "She was a patient. A transfer from Boston. When I got her she was out of the wheelchair already, but a complete emotional disaster. She tried to kill herself twice within three days." Mavis picked at her salad and gently tossed it with her fork. Her mouth was tight and angry as they avoided looking at each other. "She went in the hospital several months before the nineteen-eighty Olympic Trials. Divin' was her whole life. She'd spent three years workin' on makin' the team. Has she told you about the accident?" "We've discussed it." "Was she hit by a car, or hurt durin' a dive?" "Hit by a car," Laura slowly answered. "I think in her mind she really believes that it happened that way, but her injuries were the result of a divin' accident. She came down on the board and landed on her back. She messed herself up real bad. You can check the newspapers at the library to verify all this.

I can tel by the look on your face that you don't believe me." Mavis continued poking at her salad with her fork. "She refused to cooperate with her psychiatrist, but they made her keep goin' anyway. Physically and psychologically she was in real bad shape. For a long time she didn't respond to any sort of treatment. Her career was over and she'd given up on everything. Then the President called for the boycott of the summer games. Remember that? Jimmy Carter showed them Russians, didn't he? Robin was so-o-o happy when she heard about it. She started gettin' better. She was learnin' to walk and get around on her own. Then a little later they announced some kind of competition for those athletes who didn't get to compete with all them other countries in the Olympics. She got even more depressed then and planned to kill herself again. I found the pills and we had a long talk. We talked for hours and hours. Actually, she talked for hours and hours. Al I did was listen to her. After a while it started to turn into somethin' else. She was finally startin' to reach out and respond to somebody. It's not somethin' I'm proud of, Laura, it's just somethin' that happened. I was her first lover after the accident. We were only together that one time." Laura chewed stoically. "Wel ?" Mavis said after a moment. "Wel what?" Laura snapped. "That's it. You wanted the truth." Laura laughed sardonically and shook her head at the irony of the whole thing. "You tell me the truth when I need for you to lie to me the most. God, this is fucked up." "I'm through lyin' to you. I was never very good at it anyway." Their eyes met and Laura felt her anger begin to soften. She's right, she thought. Mavis was never very good at it, but Laura always chose to believe her. "Robin says the two of you have never been lovers."

"What did you expect her to say?" Mavis got a stray curl out of her eyes with a defiant toss of her head. "You don't believe me." "I didn't say that." "You know what amazes me about us, Laura? It's the way we can stil hurt each other so much. Will all of that ever be over? It's like there's somethin' stil left undone that we haven't finished yet." "And how have I hurt you?" Laura asked indignantly. She dabbed the corners of her eyes with a napkin. Mavis was the last person in the world to talk about being or getting hurt. "How? By ignorin' me. By pretendin' I was never a valid part of your life." Laura wadded her napkin up and tossed it on her plate in disgust. Would anything ever be right again? Would this endless cycle of bullshit ever stop? "Don't flatter yourself." Laura was uneasy with Mavis's details about Robin and how she had gotten injured, but she wasn't quite sure what to do about it. After stewing for a while, Laura decided to bring the subject up the next time she and Robin were together. She was sure that Robin would have a reasonable explanation for everything. Laura didn't hear from her until early in the afternoon. Robin said she would be having dinner with her family, but planned to stop by afterwards. Laura spent the evening with her mother and appreciated the distraction. Through the discussion of the difference between Miracle Whip and mayonnaise, she came to a decision. All explanations would have to wait. Laura first wanted to know what Robin's plans were for the future. Long-distance relationships seldom worked, and Laura had no desire to be involved in one. Those are your terms, she thought. Be firm. Later that evening Laura set the mood in her own living room with low music and

strategically placed candlelight. She and Robin would talk about their future, and Laura decided it best not to mention just yet what Mavis had told her at lunch. She woke up on the couch at two-thirty in the morning to only a faint flicker of light on the mantel. Wax had pooled beneath several candlestick holders. No Robin. Not even a call. She didn't hear from her again until late the following day. Robin didn't offer an explanation for where she had been, and Laura didn't ask for one. They agreed to meet for dinner. "You look tired," Laura said as they followed the waiter to the corner table. "I am. I had my nephews last night and most of today." "So you stood me up for a couple of six-year-olds?" Laura tried to smile away her aggravation but knew she couldn't keep it up much longer. How hard would it have been to cal and say she couldn't make it last night? Things seemed to go better once food started arriving, but the tension between them returned almost immediately. "Tell me what to do," Robin said finally. Laura looked up and waited for some clue as to what sort of advice was expected of her. "Time's running out. Things aren't going as well as I had hoped." Laura picked at her baked potato convincingly but had absolutely no appetite. "You led me to believe that you could work something out." "Yeah, well, it's not working." "I don't understand." "Things are complicated here," Robin said. "My brother and his family are moving back to town from Phoenix." Laura waited for a further explanation, and when none came, she said, "So? What does your brother have to do with us?" "His wife and I were lovers for a while in college. Both of us being here in San Antonio

would be very awkward." "I see." On the contrary, Laura thought. In fact she didn't see a goddamned thing. "I still don't understand what that has to do with us." "And it's not just that," Robin said. Her voice had a touch of whine to it, which was something Laura hadn't heard before. "I don't get along with any of my family except my uncle, and he expects me to coach my cousins if I stay. Sometime down the road I'll be expected to coach my nephews, too." Laura again waited patiently for some sort of explanation about how this had any effect on the two of them. She watched as Robin looked at her soberly and then looked away again. "I can't live here, Laura. I thought I could, but I can't." For a moment Laura didn't think she heard her right, but then Robin's face drained of color and everything was suddenly much clearer. She's dumping me, Laura thought. In a goddamn restaurant, she's dumping me! Laura closed her eyes in hopes of stopping the tears, but they were already well on their way. "I'm leaving the end of the week," Robin said, paying close attention to her plate. "But I'd like for us to spend as much time as we can together." Laura felt numb and empty, as if everything inside had turned to stone. She wouldn't cry. She refused to let that happen. The game's over, Davenport, she told herself. Just pick up your toys and go home. "Maybe you could take a few days off," Robin suggested, seemingly unaware of the devastation she had caused. "We could go away somewhere before I have to leave." "I can't get away from the office now," Laura said in a surprisingly strong, reasonable tone. It wasn't until Robin looked up at her with those amazing green eyes that Laura became angry. She collected her purse with slow, calculated precision and pulled out a twentydollar bill and tucked it under her practically untouched plate. "You do whatever it is that

you have to do, Robin. I wish you luck." She got up and strode courageously across the room and out the door with as much poise and grace as she could muster. In her car she took only a moment to wipe her eyes so she could see well enough to drive. Never again would she be put in such a position. Never again would she give her heart away so easily. Laura didn't answer her phone and finally unplugged it to shut it up, and then refused to answer the insistent pounding on her door later during the evening. Through the fog of a sleeping pill, she eventually rested quite comfortably. The buzz of her alarm clock barely dredged her up from the deep, dark recesses of sleep. She found a note from Robin attached to her front door, but Laura wadded it up and tossed it in the shrubs. At work she requested that all her calls be screened, and she happily spent the majority of the day in meetings. After work she stopped at the Eighth Street Bar and Gril and was glad there were only a few customers there. She couldn't ever remember going to a bar alone. She liked it. Being alone was sounding better and better all the time. At midnight Laura poured herself into her car and miraculously drove home without incident. She found Robin's Bronco parked in front of her house when she got there. Laura pulled into her driveway and squinted in Robin's direction, but there was no movement inside the vehicle. She giggled and stooped over to pick up her keys in the grass, and eventually stumbled into the house. After giving Jo-Jo a few soothing words before stretching out gingerly on the couch, Laura touched a foot to the floor in hopes of stopping the room from spinning. She didn't so much as twitch until morning. Neither the pounding on the door nor the yapping of the dog did much to wake her, but Laura eventually opened an eye to the throbbing in her head.

"Christ! Wait a minute!" She sat up and rubbed the bridge of her nose, wondering whether or not she was going to throw up. She fumbled with the lock and yanked the door open. Robin stood there ruffled and scowling. "You left me sleeping in the truck!" "Shhh!" Laura squeezed her eyes closed and clamped her hands over her ears. "Christ! I've got a headache." She turned and shuffled to the bathroom to pop some aspirin and start the shower. If she hurried she could make it to work on time. Robin followed her to the kitchen and watched as Laura made coffee. She hung her cane on the edge of the breakfast bar. "We need to talk," Robin said. Laura continued scooping coffee grounds into the filter and methodically switched the coffee maker on. "I'd like to see you tonight," Robin said. "Please, Laura. It can't end this way. Everything's all screwed up. Let's talk about it." Laura turned to meet Robin's gaze and then looked away again. She felt too awful to argue. She would deal with it later. "I'll come by at about six." Tears began stinging Laura's eyes again, adding a nice counterpoint to the pounding of her head. On her way to the shower she took off yesterday's clothes and longed for the warm, prickly spray to wash everything away. She shook off thoughts of Mavis and Robin together — where? Had they made love at the hospital? A motel? Mavis in Robin's arms. Her Mavis in Robin's arms. The picture stayed painfully in focus. Mavis's father had died that summer, and Mavis had shared things with Laura that she had never told anyone else before. The horror of a childhood of sexual abuse came tumbling out, and they stayed awake one night crying and holding each other for hours. They had gone back to north Texas together for his funeral. Laura remembered how safe and relieved Mavis had finally

felt, and how confused she had been for both loving and hating her father all at the same time. They returned home after the funeral, and even though neither of them ever spoke of it again, something very special had happened between them. Laura and Mavis had been closer than ever. Their lovemaking became less hurried and predictable, tender and passionate. A bond had developed, something so strong that even now they were attached to each other in a way that neither could explain. Laura was offered a promotion in Washington and had seriously considered taking it. Together they decided to go to a new place and start a new life. Mavis had seemed just as eager to leave San Antonio as Laura had been, but some last-minute pleading from Laura's mother had caused a change in plans. Laura stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom and squinted at herself through the steam. She carefully squeezed the toothpaste on her toothbrush and still wasn't quite sure whether or not she'd be sick. From the corner of her eye she could see Robin leaning against the door watching her. "Will you be home by six?" Robin asked. She leaned on her cane and kept it tucked close to her body. Laura didn't answer, but continued vigorously brushing her teeth. The pounding in her head only reaffirmed an earlier suspicion that it would be a long day. "I want to see you whenever I'm in town. Any objections to that?" "Lots of objections," Laura said through a mouthful of toothpaste. She rinsed and dried her mouth and then pulled her slip over her head and dropped it on the floor. "What's the point? I'm not interest in having an affair. I want more than that. It was nice while it lasted, but this isn't for me, Robin." She stuck her hand in the shower and adjusted the water's temperature a bit. "I'd like to ask you something though," she said easily, with a slight tilt of her head. She unhooked her bra and slipped off her panties. The steam from the shower seemed to be making her head feel better. "Did you know she was living with me when you fucked my lover?"

Robin's eyes narrowed and her jaw set quickly into a tight, angry clench. She gripped the cane steadily and turned and left.

Chapter Twelve Laura held the gin and tonic that Trish had made for her and glanced around the living room. There was something annoying in the way Susan's bare foot rested so unpretentiously on Trish's knee as the two of them curled up on the couch together. "So what happened with Robin?" Trish finally asked. "Can you talk about it yet?" Laura looked over at them both and held her glass carefully. "Is that why I'm here? To talk about it?" "Of course not," Susan said defensively. "We just want you to know that we're here for you if you need us." "Thanks. I'm sorry." Laura swirled the contents of her glass and wondered just how long it would take to get over the anger. She was a bitch at work, impatient with her mother and utterly merciless to strangers. She found herself apologizing every few minutes or so for her unprovoked, rude behavior. "It's been two weeks," Trish said. "Have you heard from her?" "I got a letter a few days ago. Short and sweet. She misses me," Laura said simply. "She wants me to fly up there for a few days." "Are you going?" "No. There's no point in it." "Have you talked to Mavis lately?" Susan asked after a moment. "We had lunch a few weeks ago." Susan and Trish shifted uncomfortably on the couch and exchanged a knowing look that piqued Laura's curiosity. "What's going on?" "I suppose you heard that Mavis and Daisy broke up." Laura was stunned. She resumed interest in her drink again. "No, I hadn't heard. When did it happen?"

"The night all of us went to dinner together," Trish said. "They got in a fight at the bar afterwards." A month ago, Laura noted. Why in the hel hadn't Mavis said something? Why hadn't anyone said something? "She didn't mention it when I saw her," Laura said. She suddenly felt very confused. Maybe they were mistaken. "Are you sure? Why wouldn't she tell me?" Susan shrugged. "You've got your own problems." It didn't make any sense. This was a major happening in Mavis's life. "Does she have a new lover?" "Neither one of them are seeing anyone else yet," Trish said. "That's not the Mavis Davis I know. Why didn't she tell me? That's not like her." "She's been staying with Wanda and Jolly. Give her a call later. I know she wants to hear from you." "How is she? Is Daisy okay?" Laura finished her drink and popped an ice cube in her mouth. Daisy had always been good for Mavis. "Daisy's adjusting better than Mavis is," Trish said with a smirk. "But I think they both saw it coming." Laura felt so distant and out of touch all of a sudden. She wondered if Mavis had met her for lunch that day to talk about it. Nothing made sense anymore. Absolutely nothing. Out of the blue, Jolly called to invite her over for dinner. It had been a long time since she'd been to Jolly and Wanda's house, and the unnatural attempts at initial conversation over the phone gave Laura a sample of what an evening with them would be like. She declined the invitation, making a polite excuse of needing to spend more time with her mother, and was surprised at Jolly's unwillingness to take no for an answer. "Bring her with you," Jolly said, which made Laura laugh heartily. "How about Wednesday?" "Sure. What the hell. But my mother can't make it." Besides, Laura thought, this way you'l get the whole story about what happened with Mavis and Daisy.

On Wednesday, Laura drove to Jolly and Wanda's directly from work. "Late as usual," Mavis said as she swung the door open. Laura gave her a hug and stepped back to get a better look at her. The house smelled dreamily of sauteed onions. "You look good, Mavis. How are you?" "Just peachy," she said, hooking a thumb through the galluses of her white overalls. She was bleached and starched from head to toe. Laura had always encouraged her to wear white. Mavis worked on her tan all year round and invariably knew what to wear to make the most of it. "I'll get you a drink." Laura followed her to the kitchen where an array of lidded pots and pans steamed and sizzled away. "Where's Wanda and Jolly?" "Jolly went to get more ice. She'l be back in a minute. Wanda's in the shower. Beer? Wine? They've got gin." "Beer's fine." Laura took the bottle and opened it. "So what happened with Daisy? No one wants to tell me anything." "We'd been workin' up to it. You know how it is." Jolly came in the back door with a drippy bag of ice. She set it in the sink and gave Laura a long hug. Jolly had missed her, and the strength in her arms and the way she kissed the top of Laura's head seemed to almost make up for the years and months of neglect. Jolly gave her a final squeeze and then let go. "I'm glad you could make it." "Yeah. Me too. Can I help with anything?" "No. You two scurry along. I'l handle things in here." Wanda emerged from the bedroom and rambled on about some movie they had seen the night before. It took only a moment for Laura to realize that Wanda's nonstop chatter was totally due to nervousness. Everyone kept the conversation polite and generic by safely

discussing a parade of mutual friends. Hours later, after dishes had been cleared away and drinks freshened and finished, Jolly and Wanda discreetly suppressed yawns. Laura took that as her cue to wrap up the evening. "It's late. I'd better get going." "Don't leave on our account," Jolly said. "We've been up since four." They shuffled off to bed and disappeared down the hallway mumbling to each other. Mavis glanced at Laura and smiled. "Makes me wonder how many times they've wanted to do that over the years," she said. "You know. Sneak off to bed with guests still here. Let's have another beer." Mavis led the way to the kitchen and got two bottles out of the refrigerator. "I'm goin' apartment huntin' as soon as I get a chance. These two are makin' me crazy." They settled back into the living room on opposite ends of the sofa. Laura looked at her closely and sipped her beer. "Staying here would be cheaper." "Money ain't everything." They laughed together for a moment. Laura could feel Mavis's cool, blue eyes on her. "Have you been keepin' busy?" "Pretty much," Laura said. "Has Robin called?" "No. She writes." Mavis took a long draw on her beer and leaned her head back on the sofa. Laura looked over at her and liked the way the light from the dining room shadowed her face and hair. Mavis sighed and rolled her head in Laura's direction. "Was I really hamburger?" Laura laughed, once she remembered her comment at the restaurant weeks ago. "As opposed to prime rib? It wasn't a nice thing to say." "Did you mean it?" "When I said it I meant it. You were being such a little shit that night." "Yeah." She sighed heavily. "Daisy thought so too."

"Are you going to tel me what happened with Daisy?" "I'm still sortin' it all out," Mavis said after a moment. "Daisy taught me how to feel guilty. I'll never forgive her for that." "Guilty about what?" "Everything. I'm not a very nice person, Laura. I never knew it before, but Daisy finally convinced me." She set her beer down on the table and leaned her blonde shaggy head back on the sofa once more. "I've made a mess of my life. There must be somethin' wrong with me, darlin'. Like hormones or somethin'. I've never been able to stick it out and be satisfied with what I've got. I wanna change all that." "I've never heard you talk this way before." Mavis laughed. "I'm learnin' to take responsibility for my actions. An awesome concept, don't you think?" Laura smiled and finished her beer. "Have you hit your head recently?" She got up and located her purse near the front door. "This new attitude of yours is sort of refreshing. I hope you stick with it." Out on the sidewalk in the front yard they checked out the stars and the moon. "Let's have lunch again this week," Mavis said. "I'll call you." On the way home Laura felt very relaxed and comfortable about the evening. Mavis had been like a battery-operated toy. She's going through a bad time, Laura thought. But hell, weren't they all? On Saturday morning Mavis cal ed early and asked her to look at two apartments with her. When she got there Laura was ready and a little surprised at how good it felt to have something different to do. The second place they saw was a garage apartment someone had converted into a very nice

use of space. It was positively adorable. Laura liked it immediately as she flipped a switch and flooded the room with light. "All those stairs," Mavis said as she slowly turned in circles. "You'll get used to it," Laura said. "It'l keep you in shape." "You like it? The rent's cheap. And it's pretty close to the hospital." She looked around the room carefully, turning slowly and occasionally scratching her blonde head. "There ain't no windows," she said suddenly. "Looky here, Laura. There ain't no windows! What kinda place don't have windows?" Laura gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder. "A gay bar?" "No, really. I need windows." "Why?" "I don't know," Mavis said with an edge of panic in her voice. "I just do." "I'll draw you a window over there," Laura offered, pointing to the far wall on the other side of the room. "Have a little sunbeam coming through. Maybe sketch a sparrow on the sill." She outlined the shape of window in the air with her fingers. She glanced over her shoulder and caught the twinkle in Mavis's eye. "Or maybe we could find you a poster of a window," she suggested. "Or even better, take a picture of your favorite window and have it blown up thirty or forty times. Hang it right here. Sound good?" "They call them picture windows, don't they?" Their laughter filled the room. Mavis paid three months' rent and took Laura to lunch. "Three months in advance? What if you and Daisy get back together?" Mavis stirred her iced tea and shook her head. "That'll never happen." "How can you be so sure? You and Susan broke up four times before you called it quits." "I'm not in love with Daisy. She knows that. She's always known that." Laura didn't say anything for a moment. This was news. Mavis and Daisy had always seemed happy. "How's she taking all of this?"

"Like an adult," Mavis said. She picked the onions off of her hamburger and put them on Laura's plate. "She's already datin' a teacher she works with. They're both very adult." "It's not a disease, Mavis." Laura placed the onions on her fork and piled them on her hamburger with everything else. She detected a tinge of bitterness in Mavis's voice and decided to change the subject. "I've learned to cook with onions again. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed them." "Jolly puts 'em in everything, but she's real sneaky about it. She cuts 'em up real small thinkin' I won't notice. I hate that." Laura savored the taste of her next bite. "My next lover will have to like onions. That's all there is to it." Mavis smirked and dunked a french fry into a pool of ketchup. "Robin don't like onions either." Laura spent a quiet Saturday evening curled up on the couch with a good lesbian mystery. Jo-Jo had given up on her and carried her favorite squeak ball outside through the swinging doggie door. At eight-thirty the telephone rang. It was Robin. Laura was surprised at how good it was to hear her voice. "You haven't answered my letters," Robin said. "I know." Laura set the book on the floor. "I miss you," Robin said quietly, almost reluctantly. "I didn't think it would be this bad." "How bad is it?" "Bad enough that I have to see you again." Laura felt the fluttering begin in her stomach. You're not over this by a long shot, Davenport. "We can have dinner the next time you're in town," Laura said. There was silence. All she could hear was breathing. "How about Friday night?" came the reply.

Laura chuckled more from surprise than anything else. "Friday? Are you —" "That's the soonest I can get away. I'm stuck at an exhibition in Miami the rest of the week." There were several moments where Laura had no idea what to say. The urgency in Robin's voice thril ed her. "I need to see you," Robin said. "Don't give me a hard time about this, Laura. Things were a disaster when I left." "Friday's fine. I don't have any plans." Laura found a pencil and made a note in her date book. "Call me with your flight number. I'll pick you up at the airport." During the week, she turned down an invitation to Mavis's apartment-warming party for Friday and was surprised to hear later that the whole thing had been postponed a few days so she could attend. Laura made an appointment with Irish on Thursday to get something new done to her hair. She was excited and nervous about seeing Robin again.

Chapter Thirteen Robin looked tired as she gripped her cane and let Laura take her carry-on bag. The awkwardness was there even as they hugged. Laura smiled. "Are you sure you're up to dinner?" "What other options do I have?" Laura caught the suggestiveness in her voice. "We could stop for a drink somewhere. Maybe go for a drive." "I could use a drink, I guess." Laura brought the car around and picked her up. "You look wonderful," Robin said. "Thanks. How did things go in Miami?" "The team did very well." She shook her red hair out of her eyes and leaned back in the seat. "I heard about Mavis and Daisy. Susan doesn't think they'll get back together." "It looks a little bleak right now, but you never know." Laura pulled into the parking lot of her favorite women's bar and wasn't even sure it was opened yet. Her usual bartender and three customers had the whole place to themselves. Robin selected a table in the corner while Laura got their drinks. The awkwardness between them was back again. Robin moved her cane three times and then began peeling the label off of her beer bottle with a thumbnail. She signed heavily. "This is awful, Laura. I don't even know where to begin." "You said you had to see me. Maybe you should start with that." Robin didn't say anything right away, but their eyes met again. So many things went through Laura's mind, mostly brief, angry thoughts that she had absolutely no control over. She suddenly realized that she would never be able to confront Robin about the details of her accident, or anything else for that matter. Laura no longer cared what the answers

would be. She despised being lied to, and saw that as the core of the problem between them. "So why did you want to see me?" Laura asked. "You're all I've been able to think about for weeks." "And how did you let that happen?" she asked dryly. "Can we cut the sarcasm? This is difficult enough without it." Laura sipped her beer and nodded. As safe as she felt with her sarcasm, she could give it up for a few minutes. "Let me start by outlining the reasons why I can't live here," Robin said, "and then I'll state my case as to why it shouldn't matter." She had gotten herself together, and it was obvious from the tone of her voice that she had rehearsed this speech. "My brother and his wife are getting a divorce, and my sister-in-law has accepted the coaching position here with my uncle Harlow. I told you we were lovers in college for a while, and she says she's still in love with me. She wants me to resign from the university, join her in the family business and help her raise my nephews. She's got it in her head that we can just pick up where we left off ten years ago and live happily ever after." With an eyebrow raised, Laura mentally processed this information and came to quick conclusions on her own. "What's given her the impression that it's even a possibility?" "Apparently it's something she's had in the back of her mind for a while." Laura smiled knowingly and had at last solved the mystery of Robin's whereabouts on several key occasions during the summer. Babysitting with nephews my ass, she thought angrily. "Does your sister-in-law know about me?" "She knows I've been seeing someone, but I've never discussed our relationship, no. Why do I get the feeling I'm wasting my time here, Laura?" she asked suddenly. "That I'm on this one-way street all by myself?"

"Maybe it's your conscience talking. You lied to me about Mavis, and I think you're lying about your sister-in-law." "None of that should have anything to do with us. Don't you see? For the first time in my life I feel like something good is happening to me. Like all the shit I've been through doesn't matter anymore. You've made a difference in my life, Laura. I've hurt you, and I'm sorry. What happened with Mavis is something I'm not very proud of. And to answer your question from the last time I saw you, yes — I knew Mavis had a lover when I... the one time we were together. You had a name, but no face. Mavis talked about you all the time. Hell, she still does." Robin looked at her steadily. "It wasn't until you and I were alone in the kitchen together that day at Mavis and Daisy's that I realized exactly who you were. You were that Laura. Mavis's Laura. I like you. I didn't feel very good about myself right then, and I thought Mavis was probably the biggest fool I've ever known." "She is," Laura confirmed. Robin chugged her beer. "So what happens now? With us, I mean. Susan mentioned that you've been seeing a lot of Mavis lately." "Susan talks too much." "Is it true?" Laura didn't answer. She watched as Robin continued scratching the label off of her beer bottle. Robin sighed heavily. "Let's go back to your place and make love the rest of the weekend." Laura tried to hide her surprise at the bluntness of the suggestion. "I'm not ready for that yet," she managed to say. "Ever? Or not this trip? If you need time, then I'l give you more time." "Time for what?" Laura asked. "I'm here and you're in Chicago. Al the time in the world won't change that. I want a real relationship, Robin. We wake up together every day, we come home from work, we walk the dog, we eat dinner, watch TV, go to bed and start all

over again. Together. Under the same roof. I won't settle for anything less than that." Robin slammed her beer bottle down on the table; they briefly had the whole bar's attention. "I'm still working on it." "Fine. Work your little heart out." Laura didn't believe a word of it. Robin reached for her cane. Her face was set in a scowl. "Can you take me to my parents' house?" "I thought we were having dinner." "I'm not very hungry." Laura reached for her purse. "Sure. I can take you anywhere." In the car Robin stuck her cane in the seat between them as if to erect a barrier. She gave brief directions and didn't speak again. Thirty minutes later they were parked in the McKavats' winding driveway. It was dark, even though the street lights were on. The house was huge, with colossal columns and a yard that seemed to go on forever. Several lights were on inside, giving off a nice warm glow. Robin settled back against the headrest and turned in Laura's direction. "It's not over. I won't let it be over." "Maybe we should work on being friends for a while." "I want more, and I think you do too." Robin leaned over and kissed her. "This is insane," she whispered. "I'm here now. Let's make the best of it." Laura pulled away from her. "I don't think so. Spending the weekend in bed with you and then putting you on a plane back to Chicago isn't something I want to do." Robin snatched up her cane and yanked her bag out of the back seat. "Give me a call if you change your mind." She slammed the door and disappeared into the darkness.

The following Friday, Laura arrived at Mavis's apartment among scores of women she didn't know. There was standing room only as she added her apartment-warming gift to the pile on the dinky table near the bathroom. She found Mavis chattering away in the corner, gave her a hug and somehow ended up with a margarita in each hand. Laura managed to give the drinks away without spilling any. She saw Wanda and Jolly in what was considered the kitchen. They were uncovering a fresh tray of crustless sandwiches. "Mavis says you're painting her a window over there," Wanda said, nodding toward the bare wall on the other side of the room. Laura chuckled and helped herself to a triangular-shaped pimento and cheese sandwich. Trish and Susan worked their way over and joined them. The music from Mavis's stereo was deafening. "I hear things didn't go very well when Robin was here last week," Trish said. "Things went fine. They just didn't go the way she expected them to." "She's pissed." "She'll get over it." A while later, to a crescendo of laughter, Mavis opened her gifts — everything from a lettuce keeper to crotchless underwear. As people began to leave, mingling became easier. The majority were going bar-hopping afterwards and started the convoy at nine. By tenthirty there were less than a dozen people left, with most gathered around the keg near the couch. Mavis picked up one of her presents and opened the box again. "Pasties," she said delightedly. "With glue! I never knew them things had to be glued on." She held one up and gave the bright red tassel a little twirl. "I thought they had suction cups on 'em or somethin'. Glue! How the hell do you get 'em off when you're through?" "Just keep them in the box and you won't have to worry about it," Wanda suggested. Laura was tired and ready to go, but they wouldn't let her. "And looky here at these," Mavis said. She was a little drunk, and having a good time. She opened a

small flat box and waved what appeared to be a dark blue hanky. "Somebody gave me edible underwear. Grape flavor!" "The cherry's better," Trish said to a roar of laughter. "Grape's just fine," Mavis said happily. "Cherries don't do too much for me. I like fruit with a little more experience." She tucked her new underwear away in the box. "I'll save 'em for a special occasion." Laura made a round with a trash bag then and heaved it toward the corner. "It's late. I'm outta here." "You can't leave yet," Mavis protested. "There's stil beer left." "I've had more than enough." Mavis and Trish led her over to the couch, one at each elbow, and sat her down. "It's bad luck to leave before all the booze is gone," Mavis said. "You wanna give me bad luck in my new place?" "If I stay I'm not drinking, so what difference does it make?" Laura countered. She was tired. It was late. If she didn't get home soon Jo-Jo would probably take revenge on her new suede boots in the closet. "If nothing else," Jolly said, "you can be our designated driver." "You can call a taxi. I'm the only person allowed to throw up in my car." Laura found her purse and hugged them all, ignoring their pleading for her to stay. Mavis insisted on walking with her out to her car. Over her shoulder Laura saw Trish and Wanda fighting over the last of the foam in the keg just as Susan gave life to the blender and a new batch of margaritas. "Be careful," Laura said as- Mavis stumbled down the last three steps and miraculously landed on her feet. 'You'll break your fool neck." "And whose fault will it be?" Mavis steadied herself against a tree and squinted up at the porch light. "You're leavin' early," she said with a wagging finger. "That's givin' me bad luck already." "That's bullshit. Once that bunch up there gets started, you'll be going on tequila runs the

rest of the night." Mavis linked her arm through Laura's and led the way to the car. Mavis's body was warm and sweet-smelling. It was a nice feeling, one that Laura hadn't had in a while. "I'm glad you could make it," Mavis said, letting go of her arm. "It's important to me. You bein' here and everything. I wish you could stay longer." Laura gave her a friendly squeeze on her shoulder. "A few more drinks and you won't even know I'm gone." "Of course we will." She pushed her blonde hair back from her forehead and smiled. "My therapist says it's good that we can do things together." "Therapist? What therapist?" Mavis laughed nervously. "I'd better get back upstairs. My guests might need me." "What therapist?" Laura asked again. "Come back here." Mavis threw her a kiss and staggered toward the stairs. "I'll tell you about it sometime. Toodles, darlin'." Laura drove home, her confusion mounting. She had no idea what was going on. At least JoJo was glad to see her, and it was a relief to know that she had the rest of the weekend all to herself. There had been something acutely disturbing about the entire evening. Something that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

Chapter Fourteen Sunday evening Laura and her mother were on the front porch in the swing discussing the pros and cons of fabric softener. There was a slight nip in the air, but they both wore sweaters and had no desire to go in yet. Laura had read in the paper that morning that the number of influenza cases was on the rise. She convinced her mother to get a flu shot, and even agreed to get one herself. On Monday morning Laura made an appointment with her physician and explained to her mother once again that the shot would in no way interfere with Wednesday night bingo. "They have a five-hundred-dollar jackpot," Mrs. Davenport said on the way back from the doctor's office. "Louise thinks we're due to win any time now." Laura's arm felt hot and sore, but she took her mother home and then returned to work. By nine that evening Laura had chills and a splitting headache. She went to bed and was awakened at some ungodly hour by the telephone. She sat up, shivering in her clothes and a blanket, with her head pounding and nausea threatening to overcome her. Laura picked up the phone and seemed to feel almost better once that insistent ringing stopped. She was too weak to hold the receiver for very long, and hung up and collapsed back on the bed. Moments later the ringing started again. Louise Barknagel gave her the name of the hospital her mother was at, and didn't wait for an answer. Despite Laura's delirium, she knew that she needed to get to the hospital, but she was in no condition to make it there on her own. She dialed the only number she could remember. "It's Laura," she breathed into the telephone. "I'm dying. Christ, can you get me to the hospital?" Only after she hung up did she realize that she'd been talking to Trish. She fell asleep, still clutching the telephone. A while later she heard a commotion in the hallway. Someone

turned on the light and Laura groaned at the intrusion. The telephone was taken away; she tried to open her eyes. "You're burnin' up," Mavis said. "I'm freezing," Laura muttered through chattering teeth. Another blanket was wrapped around her. "How did you get in?" "Through the doggie door in the back. I'm puttin' a new lock on it later." Headlights flashed in the driveway. "That's Susan and Trish." Shivering, Laura lay back down and closed her eyes. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion ... everything... except the pounding in her head. Voices were muffled, and JoJo was excited. They didn't get many visitors in the middle of the night. Laura remembered the telephone call about her mother and tried to get up. Her feet felt as if lead weights had been tied to them. She sat up on the edge of the bed and tossed the blanket off but then quickly retrieved it. She was still freezing. "My mother's at the Methodist Hospital. Who's driving me over there?" "You ain't goin' nowhere," Mavis said as she tucked the blanket around her better. "You're burnin' up." '1 had a flu shot today," Laura said weakly. She could feel Mavis's cool hand on her steamy forehead. "This sucks. Next year I'l just take my chances with the real thing." "Get your butt back in bed," Mavis ordered. Laura wouldn't lie down and threw the blanket off. "My mother needs me, damn it! Who's taking me to see her?" "You ain't goin' nowhere," Mavis said again. To Susan she whispered, "Call Rhonda from our rugby team. She works at the Methodist. See what she can find out." Mavis went to the closet and grabbed another blanket. When Laura finally woke up she still had a headache, but the pounding had stopped. Her clothes were wet and the blankets were poaching her. In the living room she found Trish

asleep on the couch. "How's my mother? And where's Susan and Mavis?" Trish looked like a caricature of a teenager first thing in the morning, with wild mousseless hair and matted eyes shut from either too much or not enough sleep. "Your office called earlier. I told them you were sick." She rubbed her eyes and yawned convincingly. "How do you feel this morning, babes? You look awful." "I feel awful, but much better than I did last night. How's my mother?" "Sick. She's in intensive care, Mavis is with her. Get ready and I'll take you over there." Laura hated hospitals and hadn't been in one since her father died. She found Mavis and Louise Barknagel in the visitor's lounge closest to the ICU. Apparently Mavis had been posing as a Davenport daughter all night so she could go in and see the patient. The news, however, wasn't good. Laura sank into the hard, cold plastic chair and closed her eyes against the steady throbbing of her head. Whereas Laura herself had had nothing more than the regular "flu shot blues," as Mavis insisted on calling it, Mrs. Davenport had suffered a reaction to the shot itself. Her physician was predicting the onset of pneumonia, and she would be watched very closely, since congestive heart failure was a possibility. Hundreds of questions formed in her mind, but she couldn't vocalize any of them. Laura didn't even realize she was crying until Mavis handed her a Kleenex. Laura listened to Louise relay the story of how everything had happened. Mrs. Davenport hadn't felt well that afternoon but had insisted on going to play bingo anyway. She started feeling worse not long after they arrived, and an ambulance had to be called. Laura listened carefully to the story and Mavis's soothing words, but the only thing that kept running over and over in her aching head was how the flu shot had been her idea. You talked her into it, Laura

thought woefully. Hell, you even drove her to the doctor to get it! Laura went in to see her mother when visitors were finally allowed. Without her teeth in, Mrs. Davenport looked even more fragile than usual. She was on oxygen and was hooked up to an IV. Laura's tears came quickly, but she held her mother's hand and told her she loved her. After what seemed like only a few minutes, the nurse shooed her out. She made her way back to the waiting area feeling numb and totally at fault. Laura didn't hear or see too much of anything else until Mavis gave her a little shake. "I need to go to work and shuffle some patients. I'll be back in a few hours." Mavis bent over and gave her a hug. "You've still got a fever, Laura, darlin'. You need to be home in bed." A while later Louise Barknagel's grandson came by and picked Louise up. Laura slept off and on in the waiting area, stumbling in to see her mother when the nurse permitted it. A few hours later Mavis came in with a thermos full of chicken soup and a small container of orange juice. "Get busy on the soup. It's good for you." "I'm not hungry." Mavis poured some in a cup and handed it to her. "Have you talked to the doctor?" "Yes. He said she didn't show symptoms of pneumonia yet, but her blood pressure is up." Mavis left and came back a little while later. "She's sick, Laura. She's real sick." They went in to see her together, and Laura was glad to have Mavis there to ask the right questions of the nurse on duty and then explain the answers. Apparently influenza vaccines were recommended for those in what were considered "high risk" categories, but nowhere were there warnings of the hazards of the vaccine itself. "This happens to one in a thousand, Laura," Mavis said as she poured more soup for her, "so stop blamin' yourself. And drink your orange juice. You need some liquids." Laura and Mavis took turns staying at the hospital. By the third day, Mrs.

Davenport had developed pneumonia. Tests were run and doctors traipsed in and out all day long, saying very little. "She's a tough old bird," Mavis said as she stood beside Laura and looked down at the thin, pale body in bed. "It can't happen this way, Mavis," Laura whispered raggedly. "I'll never be able to forgive myself." "This ain't your fault. Things like this happen all the time." "Not to me they don't. She's all I've got." "No way," Mavis whispered. "You've got me, and you've got friends. We'l help you. There's a roomful of 'em out there ready to do anything you ask 'em to." She looked down at the seemingly lifeless form in the bed and said in a harsh whisper, "Wake up, damn it." Mavis reached over and took Laura's hand in an iron grasp. "It's me," she hissed. "I'm here holdin' your baby's hand right under your nose!" There was a flicker of eyelids and a faint groan from the bed. "Ha!" Mavis squealed delightedly, and squeezed Laura's hand even tighter. "Did you see that? God, she hates me. Ain't this wonderful?" She let go of Laura's hand and leaned closer to Mrs. Davenport's ear and whispered something else that Laura couldn't hear. Mrs. Davenport's eyes few open and blinked several times before she groaned again. The nurse called for the doctor on the other side of the room, and then ran them both out. Mavis was ecstatic on the way back to the waiting area. Laura's tears came easily, but she wasn't sure whether they were from relief or amusement at what she had just seen. "What did you say to her?" Laura wondered aloud as she sank into a familiar cold plastic chair. Wanda,. Jolly, Trish and Susan moved in closer for whatever news they had. "I've got that hussy's number now," Mavis said with a chuckle and a wave of her hand. "Gimme ten minutes alone with her and I'll have her up and around in no time." An hour later the two of them were standing next to the bed again, anxiously waiting for improvement. The nurse came over and informed them that she had been awake for a few minutes earlier.

"The medication is starting to work," the nurse said. "Medication my butt," Mavis muttered smugly. Two days later they moved her into a private room. Laura stayed with her during the day and wouldn't leave until her mother was resting comfortably for the night. Mavis, Trish and Susan came by the hospital most evenings and managed to drag Laura away for supper. From there she either went to her office to catch up on some work, or went home and went to bed. Frosted mugs and a pitcher of beer took up most of the room on the table. "The doctor gave me a list of nursing homes to choose from," Laura said quietly. "But I can't do it. I just can't do it." "Some are very nice. They can give her care that you can't," Susan said. "She wouldn't have to stay forever. Only until she gets better." "Do they ever get better in places like that?" "Sure they do." Laura shook her head. "I still can't do it." The good daughter. Good daughters don't ship their mothers off to nursing homes, she thought wearily. "Let's talk about something else." The next morning Laura was fresh from her shower and getting dressed when there was a knock on her door. It was Mavis offering to take her to breakfast. They stopped at a little taco place on the way to the hospital. "I finally noticed the new lock on my back door. Who put it in?" "Me and Wanda," Mavis said. "About a week ago. "I guess I still don't see why I needed another one. The lock that was on there worked fine." "Why?" Mavis said with raised eyebrows. "That night you were sick I got in through Jo-Jo's doggie door. I just reached up there and unlocked everything. Your lock was too low. Anybody could've gotten in." "Oh," Laura said sheepishly, suddenly feeling very foolish.

"I almost got stuck too. For a minute there I early panicked. I thought maybe they'd have to grease my sides to get me out, you know?" After they finished eating, Mavis stated her proposal. "I've got a friend who's a nurse and can stay with her during the day while you work, and I'll help you with her in the evenings until she's down for the night." "Leave my mother with a stranger during the day?" "Rhonda's a wonderful person. Good nurse. Great rugby player." "What if something happens during the night? When I'm there by myself? I wouldn't know what to do!" The thought of being alone with her mother in such a weak condition terrified her. "I'll stay till you're both settled in. She's gettin' better, Laura. She's a little puny and whiny but she's gettin' better. She'll play this for all it's worth." "I don't know." Mavis drained her coffee cup. "A nurse during the day will certainly be cheaper than stickin' her in a nursin' home." "I don't care about the cost!" "Then what's the problem? How much longer can you stay away from the office?" Laura was smart enough not to argue when she knew Mavis was right. That evening Trish, Susan and Mavis were at the hospital after visiting hours were over and talked Laura into going out for a bite to eat. Mavis and Susan had arranged to "borrow" a hospital bed from the floor Susan worked on and promised to set it up in one of the bedrooms at Laura's. "The doctor says you can go home tomorrow," Laura told her mother the following day. She fussed with the covers and gave her cool, wrinkled hand a firm squeeze. "I'm so weak," Mrs. Davenport said in a frail, tiny voice.

"You'll get stronger." "My hair's a mess. I must look awful." "You look fine. I have a friend I'm sure I can get to do it for you. Would you like that?" Trish was at the hospital bright and early the next morning to do Mrs. Davenport's hair before she was scheduled to check out. Mavis and "Rhonda the rugby nurse," as Mavis liked to call her, were there as well. Trish requested that the others disappear for a while until she was finished. Just outside the door Laura heard her mother ask. "Are you one of those lesbians my daughter associates with?" Trish's good-natured laughter almost brought tears to Laura's eyes. It was the bell that nearly drove Laura crazy. Mavis had gotten it in case the patient needed anything. It could be heard from any room in the house and seemed to ring constantly unless someone was right there with her. Soup was never hot enough, juice was never fresh enough and eggs were never done enough. Laura had no idea how Rhonda coped during the day. Laura got home from work in time to fix her mother's supper, anticipating the string of complaints that would invariably follow. "Is that woman coming over again tonight?" "Mavis?" Laura asked, surprised. "Yes. She comes over every evening after work. You know that." Mavis, Susan and Trish all arrived at about the same time. Trish brought a bag of supplies to do Mrs. Davenport's hair again, while Mavis stood in the bedroom doorway with arms folded. "Give her a mohawk. She ain't got enough stuff to bitch about." Laura poked her in the ribs and told her to be quiet. Mavis nodded toward the bed. "Did she ask about me today?" She had a playful gleam in her eye as she pushed blonde hair away from her forehead. "She did, didn't she?" Laura smiled. "Just before you got here, in fact." "I knew it."

Laura and Susan went to the kitchen, leaving Trish and Mavis to the grooming ritual. Laura got Susan a beer and fixed herself a drink. It was nice to be able to sit in her own kitchen without hearing that annoying bell ringing. "How's it going?" Susan asked. Laura smiled and savored the taste of her gin and tonic. "Every day that passes just helps confirm what a remarkable woman I am," she said simply. "My mother's driving me crazy." "She likes all of this attention." "No shit." Laura listened to the chatter coming from down the hall. "Trish and Mavis seem to be getting along a lot better." "The threat's gone, I guess. Trish isn't jealous anymore." "Congratulations," Laura said sincerely. "Thanks, but I didn't have anything to do with it. Haven't you noticed the changes?" "I guess not. What changes?" "Changes in Mavis." Laura shrugged. "She seems more settled. More serious maybe. I guess the breakup with Daisy took some of the wind out of her sails." Laura cleared her throat and lowered her voice. "I know she's been a big help since my mother got sick. You all have." "That's what friends are for." Trish and Susan left as soon as the coiffure session was over. The bell began ringing almost immediately. Mavis went to see what the patient wanted and came back in the living room with hands on her hips. "She wants you. Claims nobody but you can fluff a pil ow." Laura fluffed pillows, brought fresh water and juice, made sure the remote control for the television was close and sharpened a pencil in case her mother wanted to work on a crossword puzzle. "Perry Mason" was coming on, so Laura knew she was good for at least an hour's break.

When she finally got back in the living room, Laura found Mavis sitting on the sofa gently tossing an onion in the air. Jo-Jo was on the floor at her feet looking up expectantly, hoping for a game of fetch. "I think I've got things under control here," Laura said, feeling a little guilty about taking up so much of Mavis's time. "You don't have to hang around." "You sure?" "She always falls asleep after 'Perry Mason.' " "You look tired. This has done a job on you, ain't it?" Laura smiled. "She's getting better. That's all that matters." Mavis got up and continued tossing the onion in the air. Before she left she went to Mrs. Davenport's door and said, "The teacher did it. I've seen that one already."

Chapter Fifteen Laura gulped her coffee and finished drying her hair to the tune of the incessant ringing coming from her mother's bell. Sharp, impatient knocks sounded at the front door. She hurried through the house to let Rhonda the rugby nurse in and was surprised to find Mavis there instead, dressed casually in light blue corduroys, Nikes and a Houston Oilers T-shirt. "I thought I was gonna have to give Jo-Jo's doggie door another try," Mavis said, clutching an onion in her hand. Laura set Jo-Jo down and ran a brush through her hair. "Come in. I'm running late. Jesus. I slept terrible last night." She glanced at the clock on the mantel and groaned. "Where the hel 's Rhonda? She's usually here by now." They both could hear the bell in the other room beginning to ring louder. "It's her day off, remember? That's why I'm here." Toss went the onion. Up and down, each time landing with a little smack in Mavis's palm. Laura looked at her, eyes wide with concern. "Her day off? I don't remember anything about a day off! Why didn't she tell me this yesterday?" "I don't know. What's the big deal? Whenever she's off, I'll be here. The two of us worked it out that way." "And when do you get a day off?" "Today," Mavis said. "I'm spendin' it with your mother." She scrunched up her nose at the clanging bell in the other room. "What's her problem?" "She's ready for breakfast. She wants apple cinnamon oatmeal. It's in the microwave." "Finish gettin' ready for work. I'll take care of it." Laura finished drying her hair and finally got dressed. She was annoyed at not knowing what was going on in her own house and wondered if she'd ever have control over her life again. The prospect didn't even seem feasible any longer. If she had known Rhonda would be off on Thursdays, then other arrangements could have been made. Laura decided to

make a point of talking to Mavis about it later. She fastened her watch and was putting on earrings when she stopped in the doorway of her mother's room. Mavis had a towel snug under Mrs. Davenport's chin as she spooned in the oatmeal. Her mother was stil a little weak and didn't feel comfortable feeding herself yet. Laura watched them together for a moment, the scene unexpectedly touching her. Mavis with that mass of blonde hair against the baby blueness of her baggy shirt, and the laughter in her eyes with each successful spoonful of oatmeal that disappeared into that puckered, opened mouth. "I'm leaving. Will you two be okay?" Laura had her doubts about this being a good idea, but the only alternative at this late hour would be to pack her mother up and take her to work with her. "We'll be fine," Mavis said sweetly. "I'll just do what Rhonda does every mornin' as soon as you leave." She scooped up another spoonful and gently put it up to Mrs. Davenport's mouth. "I'm tyin' her to the bed." She cackled outrageously as she dabbed oatmeal from mouth and chin. "I'm just kiddin', darlin'. We'll be fine. I've got all sorts of things planned for us. You run along to work." "I'll call you." Laura glanced at her watch. "I've got a meeting this morning with the new production head, but my secretary knows how to reach me." Maybe she could come home for lunch and check on them. "Give your mother a kiss before you leave," Mrs. Davenport said in a weary voice. As Laura bent over to kiss her on the cheek, her mother whispered, "Don't leave me alone with this woman." "You'll be fine." To Mavis she said more forcefully, "She'll be fine, won't she?" "Better than fine. Now off to work." Laura called at mid-morning and Mavis said they were playing cards. Laura couldn't get away at lunch, but called again that afternoon and they were still playing cards. "Gin rummy. I'm kickin' her butt."

"She's not asleep?" Laura asked. "Nope. Not yet." "Then why don't I hear that stupid bell ringing? She makes me nuts with that thing." "Let's just say that the only time it'll ever ring again is when she farts, if you know what I mean." Laura decided to definitely try and get home early. Of course things didn't work out that way. She had to work late and then it started raining as soon as she got on the expressway during rush-hour traffic. There were three accidents, and tempers as short, if not shorter, than hers. Once she got home, Laura found Mavis in the kitchen perched on a stool with a book and a tall glass of tea. "I'm sorry I'm late. How is she?" "She's asleep. I got her up some this afternoon. She needs to be doin' more." "Up? As in out of bed?" "Out of bed and went for a stroll around the living room. I'll borrow a walker from the hospital and bring it by tomorrow. She'l feel better about gettin' up and around once she's used to havin' it." Laura sat across from her at the breakfast nook and noticed the onion next to the book. "I want to thank you for today. For everything, actually. You're being so good about all of this. I don't know if I could've done it without you." Laura smiled and nodded in the onion's direction. "What's with the onion?" Mavis laughed shyly. "We're gettin' acquainted." "You hate onions." "Maybe not." She picked it up and took a bite out of it, as if it were an apple. There was a crunch and an instant onion aroma. Mavis continued chewing and turned it slowly as she inspected it. "What in the hell —?" Laura managed before she started to laugh. With mouth agape, she knew she was staring dumbly, but she couldn't help it. "I've never seen anyone do that

before! Jesus. Are you crazy? And it stinksV "I thought you liked 'em," Mavis said in between chews. She was clearly enjoying the whole thing immensely. "In moderation! My God, I don't believe you did that." "Moderation." Mavis put what remained of the mangled onion next to the book. "Does moderation mean I should buy smaller ones?" "Moderation means a sliver chopped up in your omelette, or rings instead of french fries at Jack In The Box." Laura started to laugh again and fanned the area with her hand. "Jesus. I've never seen anyone do that before." Mavis picked up what was left of the onion and offered it to her. "It's good. Try some." "No, thanks." She continued to stare at her in pure amazement. "Mind if I borrow this book? I'll bring it back when I'm finished." "Sure. Uh... would you like to stay for dinner? It's the least I can do after you've given up your day off." "Maybe some other time. I've got an appointment." At the front door Mavis handed her a piece of paper. "Give this to Rhonda in the morning. Your mother needs to start exercisin' more. She'll be here forever at this rate." "Thanks again. You've been wonderful through all of this." Mavis smiled and took another chunk out of the onion. "Moderation," she said on her way out the door. The following evening Mavis came over for dinner. She set a grocery bag on the counter and pulled out a twelve-pack of beer and a bundle of leeks. "What's this?" Laura said, frowning. "These are leeks," Mavis said. "They're like onions, only taller." "I know what they are. The question is why are they here?" "Moderation, darlin'. It's an onion with class. I'll clean 'em and skin 'em later. They'll be

good with supper. Did Susan bring the walker over?" Laura nodded, still somewhat amused and confused. "It's in Mother's room." "Has she used it yet?" "No. Not yet." Mavis disappeared and came back a few minutes later with Mrs. Davenport shakily clinging to the walker. "We decided to come for a visit," Mavis said happily. "Ain't she doin' good?" Laura stopped stirring the cheese sauce and took in the sight of them together. Mavis in comfortable blue jeans, brown loafers and a yellow Ocean Pacific T-shirt that seemed to blend right in with the blondness of her hair. Laura couldn't remember the last time she had actually looked at Mavis with any sort of appreciation, but she took her time doing it now. Mavis was definitely an attractive woman. "You said I could rest once we got to the kitchen," Mrs. Davenport said, trembling. She was a little winded. Laura watched as Mavis helped her onto a stool. "I should've brought the cards. We could've started a new round of gin rummy." "I kicked your butt the other day," Mrs. Davenport said smugly. The table was set for three, and the preparation itself was more fun than Laura could remember having in a long time. The playful grumbling among the three of them, along with Mrs. Davenport's need for Mavis's attention, was a wonder in itself. "Will you be okay in this chair, old lady?" Mavis asked her at one point. "I can't have you fallin' out and embarrassin' me." "You'll be old someday," Mrs. Davenport reminded her with a slow wagging finger. Mavis helped her to the chair at the head of the table and got her settled in before replying, "I'll never be this old. I'll kill myself first." Mrs. Davenport's laughter nearly made Laura drop the bowl of mashed potatoes. How long had it been since she'd heard her mother laugh like that? A few minutes later Mavis was at

the sink scrubbing vegetables. Laura came up behind her and whispered, "What's going on? I feel like martians came down and left an impostor in her place." Mavis nodded toward the floor. "They probably got in through the doggie door." She turned the water off and drained the leeks on the paper towel. "Here you go," she said. "Take a leek. When was the last time you took a leek, darlin'?" Her eyes met Laura's in a twinkle of delight. "They're like onions, you know. Only taller." After dinner Mavis helped Mrs. Davenport back to her room and tucked her in. She was asleep within minutes; the stroll from the kitchen had worn her out. Laura loaded the dishwasher and fixed herself a drink. It was only a little after eight, and she felt more relaxed than she had in weeks. "She's gettin' stronger," Mavis said from the breakfast nook. "Don't let her fool you." "She's been talking about going home." "That's good. She'll be ready before long." "You want something to drink? There's plenty of beer." "Not right now. Thanks." Mavis shook the blonde hair out of her eyes in a nervous gesture that Laura hadn't seen in a while. It reminded her of the younger, more vulnerable Mavis she had known a lifetime ago. "I... uh ... like your house. It took me a while to get used to the idea of you havin' one, I guess." "I like it too. I've done a lot of growing up here." Laura set her glass down between them on the bar and smiled. "I've been meaning to ask you about this therapist thing you've been —" Mavis was there beside her, warm and sweet-smelling as before. So close. So very, very close. Her cool fingers touched Laura's face in a shy, uncertain caress. Laura stopped breathing. The only sounds in the room came from the hum of the refrigerator and the beating of her heart. Mavis leaned closer and kissed her, and

Laura was in her arms responding with every fiber of her being. It was like finally coming home after having been away for a long time. Familiar and indelible, the slow swelling of emotion was like none Laura had ever known. There was raw passion in the kiss and a possessiveness in the way Mavis held her. Al thought had been abandoned, and it wasn't until Mavis began kissing her throat that Laura realized what they were doing. "No," she whispered weakly. "We can't do this." Mavis either didn't hear what she said or didn't care, because the kissing never stopped. Laura seemed to almost melt in her arms again, with fleeting moments of intense desire sweeping through her. "No," she said again, more forcefully than before, but her rapid, heavy breathing took something away from its conviction. This can't be happening, she thought. I won't let it happen. "Please don't," she pleaded in a desperate whisper. Mavis let go of her with pain and disappointment etched in her eyes. She didn't say anything and reluctantly moved away from her. With the panic subsiding, Laura was able to get better control of herself. Turning to leave, Mavis apparently had no intentions of looking back. Laura felt confused and frustrated, as if she had just woken up from a dream. Mavis was leaving, and Laura realized suddenly that she didn't want that. Had she told her to go? Had she said it and not remembered? She followed her out of the kitchen and into the living room. Her mind was racing and she heard the telephone ringing, but Laura couldn't have cared less. "Where are you going?" Mavis collected her keys and her purse from the coffee table. The pain was still there, clear in her eyes. Mavis wouldn't look at her, but held her head high and pushed that

blonde shock of hair away from her forehead. "Mavis, please don't go. Let's talk about this." "Answer your phone," she said in a low, husky voice. "Forget the phone." With keys in one hand and her purse on her shoulder, Mavis answered the telephone. "Well, what a surprise," she said warmly. "How are you, Robin?" She finally turned and glanced at Laura. Tears were beginning to well up in her eyes. "Yes, she's here. Just a minute." Mavis held the telephone out to her and their eyes met again. "Prime rib wants to talk to you," she said quietly. "The hamburger's gotta go." Laura took the receiver from her and then let it slowly slip to the floor. "Wait, goddamn it. Don't leave yet." Mavis had the door open and the screen unlocked before Laura could get across the room. Jo-Jo wiggled and squirmed between them with her squeak ball in her mouth. "Wait a minute," Laura said again, her hand on Mavis's arm. "We need to talk about —" Mavis was kissing her again, lips soft and all-consuming, tongue insistent and demanding. It was a deep, breathtaking kiss. It was wonderful, hot, and Laura slowly folded into her arms. At the first indication that the kiss was ending, Laura took Mavis's face in her hands and kissed her again, easily renewing the fire between them. Mavis eventually pulled away, blue eyes searching, and whispered, 'Tour lover's on the phone." Laura gently pushed the door closed and moved to pick up the receiver dangling on the floor, her eyes never leaving Mavis's. Stating simply that something had come up, she couldn't talk right then, and she would call her tomorrow, Laura hung up and kissed Mavis once more in a feverish display of intense want and need. When they finally broke away from one another, Laura led the way to her room without giving it another thought.

They peeled away clothes, neither saying a word, nor needing to. Laura pulled her down on the bed and kissed her again, their bodies harmonizing and complementing one another easily. They had made love this way a thousand times, and each and every time had been just as wonderful as the last. When their sex life had been good, it had been very good, which was one reason Mavis's indiscretions had hurt Laura so deeply. Mavis moved down her body, and Laura could feel her warm breath on the inside of her thigh. Moments later the gentle sucking began, then the thorough, delectable feasting that Laura remembered so well. Laura opened her legs further and matched the stroking of Mavis's tongue with undulating hips. Mavis buried herself in the center of her. Brilliant colors exploded in her head, and Laura came with a low, husky moan originating from somewhere deep within her throat. She felt completely possessed and stripped of inhibition. She had no secrets from this woman. Her legs went limp, and heavy lidded and satisfied, she reached for her. Laura kissed her deeply, sucking on her tongue and pulling at it with her lips. She had always loved tasting herself on Mavis's mouth and felt a new surge of desire rush through her, warming her skin and hardening her nipples. It was so easy to get lost in this. So easy to let go and actually feel something again. "I've missed you," Laura said, and then was surprised at how much she meant it. She rolled Mavis over on her back and settled easily on top of her. "I've really missed you." She licked and sucked Mavis's ample breasts, her hands overflowing with them. Laura remembered the first time they had made love, and how awed she had been by Mavis's body. In clothes her breasts were deceiving, but in Laura's hands they were magic. As she moved down Mavis's soft, firm stomach and lingered over her navel, outlining and teasing it with her tongue, she wondered how long they had been working up to this. Laura couldn't remember ever being as receptive and ready as Mavis's kiss at the front door had made her. In a way, none of this made any sense, but in another way, it was the only thing

that made sense. Mavis knew her better than anyone, and being with her now seemed like the most natural thing in the world. Laura made love to her with her mouth, her fingers, her hands. She wanted to hear the moans she remembered so well, and feel those long, thin fingers in her hair. Mavis came twice, just as Laura knew she would, and afterward she didn't even have strength enough to pull Laura back up where she wanted her. Laura followed the same trail across stomach and breast and rested happily propped up on an elbow beside her. She saw the sated, peaceful expression on Mavis's face, the beginning of a smile at the corners of her mouth. Laura brushed a tear from Mavis's cheek and whispered, "You still cry when it's like that." Mavis touched the side of Laura's face with the back of her hand and then pulled her closer and kissed her on the lips. "It's only like that with you." PART THREE Mavis

Chapter Sixteen Laura's presence still lingered in the room: the sweet scent of milk 'n honey soap, a mixture of herbal shampoo and cream rinse, perfume, and even the smell of fresh coffee she had made earlier drifted in occasionally. Mavis saw Laura's coffee cup on the dresser, the imprint of her lipstick clinging to it. The room was still warm and alive with her, even though she had been gone for at least twenty minutes already. Mavis sank back into a mountain of pillows and reminded herself that she shouldn't get her hopes up too high, but there was that smile she remembered, that smile Laura had sometimes when she thought she knew more than she should. That morning Laura had seemed cautious at first. The alarm had gone off and she was up and in the shower quickly, later emerging in a robe and towel for her hair. She had been quiet and considerate as she went about getting ready for work, trying to keep from waking Mavis up, but Mavis had been awake from the start, enjoying the sight of her and the memory of their night together. Mavis had sat up in bed, the covers pulled around her snugly and watched the same ritual she had witnessed hundreds of times over the years — Laura sipping coffee, applying makeup, combing her hair, rummaging through the closet for something to wear, finally retreating to her bathroom moments before the hum of the hair dryer began. Even now Mavis was stil uncertain how things had gone. They had made love once again before Laura left for work, but it hadn't helped alleviate the fear of rejection. It had been two months since Robin left for Chicago. She's horny, Mavis thought uneasily. After two months, anything would look good. But then Mavis remembered that smile, Laura picking up a bracelet on the dresser and walking towards the bed as she fastened it to her wrist. There was that unreadable, amused expression. An expression that Mavis had seen often but had never really understood. As Laura reached for her watch on the nightstand,

their eyes met, and that particular smile settled safely into Mavis's heart. "We need to talk about this," she remembered Laura saying. She had eased down on the bed and fussed with the covers, tucking Mavis in carefully. "Wil you be here later?" Mavis nodded, realizing that nothing short of Laura throwing her out could keep her away. "You haven't said much," Laura commented. "You've been unusually quiet, in fact." Mavis touched Laura's cheek with her fingertips, feeling almost afraid to say anything. She had never been very good at this sort of thing. Much to her delight, Laura closed her eyes and brushed her lips across Mavis's fingers. Mavis leaned closer and kissed her in a slow, sensual exchange of tongues. She remembered feeling alive and emphatically in love at that moment. She began unbuttoning Laura's blouse, the covers falling away from her own nude body. "I can't," Laura whispered weakly against her lips. "I'll be late." Mavis took Laura's hand and put it on one of her breasts. A slight moan escaped from her throat. The kiss turned desperate for a moment, and then deep and fervent as Laura filled her hands with soft, warm flesh. "I can't," she said again, obviously more to herself than to anyone else, because the kissing didn't stop, and when it seemed as though Mavis wasn't working fast enough to rid Laura of her clothing, Laura began helping with buttons and zippers. For the first time in years, they were both late for work. Mavis had back-to-back patients all day and didn't get a break at all until well after lunch. She couldn't get Laura out of her mind, not even for a moment, and felt sure that she had a permanent smile stamped on her face. A little after two, she passed by the front desk on her way to the coffee pot and found a message from Laura with a ten-thirty time penciled in. She cal ed her right away.

"Hi. I just got your message," Mavis said. She sat up straight in her chair and couldn't believe how badly her palms were sweating. "They told me you've been busy," Laura said. "I thought maybe we could have lunch together, but then I got stuck in a meeting and couldn't get away. I guess it doesn't matter." Mavis heard a twinge of something in her voice that she didn't like. There was a brusqueness Laura resorted to when she was upset, and Mavis recognized it immediately. "What's happening, Mavis? Every time we're together now I end up taking my clothes off." Before Mavis could say anything, Laura had dismissed the comment with a nervous laugh. "We need to talk," she said a little less stringently. "After work. The sooner the better. Can you make it?" "You're thinkin' too much, Laura. You know how you get when you think too much." "Yeah, well, this is scaring the shit out of me. My mother was in the next room, for Christ's sake." Mavis agreed to come over later. You're losin' her, she thought tiredly, and leaned back in her chair and rubbed her eyes. She went home after work, took a cold shower and changed her clothes. Mavis had an idea of what Laura wanted to discuss but absolutely no ideas about how things would turn out. If they ended up in bed again, then it would all be downhill from there. Mavis knew she needed to state her case quickly and elaborate as best she could. Would Laura believe she was still in love with her? Even in her wildest dreams it didn't seem likely. Laura was too practical. The whole world would know it before she would. Mavis thought back on how many times over the years various lovers had accused her of still being in love with Laura. Susan had suggested it not too long after they had gotten

together, and Daisy had mentioned it more than once. Mavis remembered always having a good laugh whenever someone brought it up, but all of a sudden it wasn't funny anymore. She arrived at Laura's house a little after four. Rhonda the rugby nurse left soon afterward, always appreciative of Mavis's willingness to assume responsibility for the patient. Mrs. Davenport was watching a game show on TV. Mavis went through some exercises with her and mentioned them venturing out of the house sometime during the next few days. "Bingo," Mrs. Davenport said, her eyes lighting up. "Could we play bingo?" Mavis suggested that maybe they should work up to playing bingo. "Maybe we could just start out with a quick trip to McDonald's or somethin'." "When?" "Oh, I don't know. When do you think you'll be up to it?" "Tomorrow." Mrs. Davenport patted the back of her matted gray head. "I need to get my hair fixed first." Mavis laughed and shuffled the cards. "We certainly can't be seen at McDonald's with scuzzy hair. How's about I give Trish a call and see if she's got time to come over and do you tomorrow?" "She's one of those lesbians, you know." Mavis nodded and dealt the cards out carefully. "She probably thinks you are too. The way you and that Louise woman hang out together." Mrs. Davenport dropped her cards, eyes wide with shock, and started to sputter. The doorbell rang just then, and Mavis put her cards down and went off to answer it. "No peekin'." Jo-Jo's high-pitched yapping spurred her quickly to the door. Mavis glanced at the clock on the mantel; Laura would be home from work any minute. Mavis had no idea how long she had been standing there in the doorway when Robin finally nudged in past her. Jo-Jo quieted

down and lost interest after a few seconds of sufficient sniffing. "What are you doing here?" Robin demanded. "I was just fixin' to ask you the same thing." Robin stood up straight, leaning heavily on her cane and glaring at her. "Does Laura know you're in town?" "No. I thought I'd surprise her. You didn't answer my question. What are you doing here?" The hostility between them seemed to have mushroomed from the last time they had seen each other. Mavis didn't reply but left her standing there in the living room and returned to her card game. Mavis's hands were shaking, and she was very scared all of a sudden. And where did this leave her, she wondered. Laura would undoubtedly want to spend the evening with Robin. Probably the night, for that matter. And why not? They were lovers, weren't they? Mavis tossed down a discard with the snap of her wrist and tried hard not to think about Laura and Robin together, but the cards became blurry very quickly. "Who was at the door?" Mrs. Davenport asked. She held her cards close to her chest. Gin rummy was serious business. "A friend of Laura's." "One of those lesbians?" "That's the only kinda friends she's got." Mavis drew a card and slid it behind the nine of diamonds in her hand. "This one wears jockey shorts. You wanna meet her?" "Goodness, no!" They heard Jo-Jo barking, then the front door open and close. A choir of voices, loud and happy, filled the living room. Laura, Trish and Susan had arrived at the same time. With all the squealing that was going on, Robin's presence was apparently a pleasant surprise for everyone.

"Gin," Mrs. Davenport said triumphantly as she spread her cards out. "Already. Jiminy!" A few moments later Trish breezed into the room with a small suitcase full of supplies and an assortment of tools of the trade. "Oh yes," she said, shaking her head at Mrs. Davenport. "I can tell I got here just in time." Trish unpacked her scissors and sprays and glanced at Mavis. "How long has she been here?" she asked, nodding toward the living room. "A few minutes," Mavis said hoarsely. She cleared her throat and shuffled the cards to keep her hands' from shaking. This will never do, she realized suddenly. There was no way she could stay and watch Laura and Robin together. Not again. Not ever again. She put the cards away and left Trish and Mrs. Davenport to their primping. "McDonald's tomorrow," Mavis said, pointing a trembling finger in their direction. "Don't forget." "Don't you forget." On her way out of the room she heard Mrs. Davenport say, "Now, Trish. Louise Barknagel and I are just friends, you know. We've both been married and have grown children." Mavis took a deep breath and strolled into the living room like she knew what she was doing. Susan, Robin and Laura were clustered near the couch, with Susan and Robin chattering away like they hadn't seen each other in years. Laura saw Mavis first and reached for her. "You're leaving." "Somethin's come up." "Like what?" Laura asked. "And if I hear one more word about hamburger, I swear I'l scream." There was that silk blouse Laura had worn that morning — white silk so cool and soft — the blouse Mavis had unbuttoned and pushed off of her shoulders. The blouse that had ended up on the floor under her skirt and bra. Mavis offered a weak smile and picked up her

purse. "I can't stay," she said. "I'm sorry." Their eyes met, and Mavis knew she had to get out of there quickly before she started to cry again. "We both know why she's here, and I can't handle that right now. I'm sorry." "Mavis, I—" "Robin, it's a surprise seein' you again," Mavis said, working her way toward the door. "How long you gonna be in town this time?" "A few days. This time." "And Susan, darlin'," Mavis said smoothly. You bitch. You traitor, she wanted to shout. True friends don't bullshit with the enemy! "Say good-bye to the little woman for me. I need to get goin'." Laura was right behind her, following her to the door with Jo-Jo once again in her arms. Mavis opened the door and Laura positioned herself strategically in the way. "If it's not real late, I'll call you," Laura said. Wonderful, Mavis thought as she gripped the door knob. If she doesn't cal , then I get to spend the whole night imaginin' what they're doin' to each other. Wonderful. Puckin' wonderful. She fumbled in her purse for her keys; there didn't seem to be any air left in the room. "Whatever. I need to get goin'." She was out the door quickly. Never in her life had she felt more like hamburger. Mavis went home to her tiny windowless apartment and tried to get her mind off Laura, but nothing seemed to help. Alcohol depressed her even more when she was already down. She didn't handle this livin' alone business too well. Her therapist had recommended it for three months, and Mavis was determined to stick it out, but these days nothing seemed easy. She watched the news and endured another "MASH" rerun before starting to wind down. It was painful to imagine Laura and Robin in bed

together — they'd probably been there for hours already. The later it got and the longer the telephone didn't ring, the more depressed she became. A while later she rummaged through her refrigerator and located a beer. Mavis heard a noise on the stairs leading up to her apartment and felt the tiny hairs on the back of her neck stand up. She took the two steps from what was considered her kitchen to what she considered her living room and switched the television off. Footsteps continued up the stairs and then stopped. Several moments passed before the light knock and Laura's voice reached her. Mavis opened the door, her heart pounding as much from fright as excitement. Laura came in with a determined stride and heightened color in her cheeks. "I thought you said you were gonna cal ." "Some things shouldn't be said on the phone." Laura crossed her arms and leaned against the back of the couch. Her defensive posture was very convincing. "You're mad. What have I done now?" "We've been this route before, Mavis," she said crisply. "In and out of love. In and out of lust. Needing each other. Hurting each other. I can't do it anymore. That's not what I want." Laura held her hands up to stop Mavis from coming any closer. "I need to say what I came here to say before this gets completely out of hand. I don't want to hurt you." Mavis waited, watching her stand there defiantly with her arms crossed. She had been preparing for the worst, but now that the time had come, Mavis wasn't sure she was anywhere near ready for this. "It all began to fall in place over a pizza. A large-with-everything pizza," Laura said. She closed her eyes and tears raced down her cheeks, but she brushed them away quickly. "Robin started picking onions off and making this little pile on the side of her plate. All of a sudden it hit me. I knew what you were trying to do. I remembered what I said to you about my next lover..." Her voice trailed off

and she looked away from her. "... the leeks and all those stupid onions you kept eating! Each time she flicked one off that damn pizza, I'd hear this..." Laura slumped against the couch again and rubbed her arms slowly, unconsciously. She looked up with liquid, pleading eyes. "I have two things to say to you," she said softy. Mavis waited, knowing that the verbal blows were on their way. She could feel her heart breaking, could feel a tightness in her chest as she stood there waiting. "I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, Mavis," she said quietly, "but I never make the same mistake twice. I won't let that happen." "So now I'm a mistake." "I won't have a lover I can't trust," Laura snapped, "and we both know how far you can be trusted." "Things are different now. I'm different now." "It's not enough," Laura said, her voice low and trembling. She started moving toward the door. "It'll never be enough."

Chapter Seventeen Mavis spent most of the night crying and eventually cried herself to sleep. She got up and went to work with what felt like a hangover. By not taking any personal telephone calls and dodging Susan at lunch, she was able to pull herself together and get through the day. By mid-afternoon she felt better. She picked up her stack of messages at the end of the day and glanced through them briefly — three from Susan, two from Trish, and three from Jolly. Obviously the phone lines were burning up with this latest snag in her ongoing effort to get Laura back, but Mavis was in no mood to tel all. She went home and got ready for her outing to McDonald's with Mrs. Davenport. Mavis hadn't considered canceling, but she almost wished she didn't have to go. Hopefully she could get over there before Laura got home from work. Seeing her again so soon wasn't something Mavis was looking forward to. Laura's car was in the driveway when she got there. Maybe if you honk, the old girl can just hobble on out here with her walker, she thought wryly. Laura answered the door and seemed relieved to see her, but Mavis felt ah undercurrent of tension and embarrassment between them. "I was afraid you'd changed your mind," Laura said. "She's really been looking forward to this. I've never seen her so excited." So she thought you wouldn't show up, huh? Mavis cleared her throat nervously. "Is she ready?" Laura gave a weak smile. "She was ready when I got home. It's hard to believe you two are actually beginning to like each other." "Poor thing's starved for attention." "I... uh... I might have been a little hard on you last night. I didn't mean for things to get so emotional."

Mavis knew she would do just fine as long as they didn't talk about it. She tossed her hair out of her eyes and squared her shoulders. Was this an apology? Was Laura maybe having second thoughts? Not likely. "I think I understand what's goin' on," Mavis said. "You've got no respect for me, Laura, therefore you've got no respect for yourself when we're together." Laura's eyes flashed in anger, so Mavis knew there was truth in what she said. Mrs. Davenport came around the corner clinging to the walker but making excellent time. She had definitely mastered the thing already. "I heard you come in," she said. With purse on her arm and rouge and lipstick in place, she was ready. "Do you think we need to take the walker?" "I don't know," Mavis said warmly. "Do you think we do?" "I can hold onto your arm. That should be fine." She took Mavis's arm and gave it a firm pat with her other hand. "Sure you won't go with us, Laura?" "I've got other plans," Laura said stiffly. She opened the door for them, her eyes meeting Mavis's in a hard, unflinching glare. "We're obviously not through discussing this." "You made everything pretty clear last night," Mavis reminded her. She helped Mrs. Davenport out the door and down the steps. "Don't wait up for us," she said over her shoulder. They finished their McNugget feast. Mrs. Davenport declined Mavis's invitation to accompany her on the Big Mac slide and french fry tunnel outdoors. Through the window they saw a handful of squealing children scampering up and down the maze of plastic. The two of them enjoyed free refills on their coffee and then decided on hot apple pies. Before it started to get dark Mavis asked her if there was anything else she wanted to do. "Other than bingo," she added quickly. "I'd like to go home. See my house again. I haven't been there since my illness."

"You got the keys? Let's go." It was nearly dark when they got to the house. The grass was high and the flower beds shabby and weed-infested. It was a sobering sight. The mailbox was stuffed full of mail, and the house smelled stale and musty. Mavis opened windows at Mrs. Davenport's request and felt the thin, frail hands gripping her arm as the two of them turned on lights and looked around. "Don't worry about the yard," Mavis said reassuringly. "I'll get some of Laura's lesbian friends to come over and take care of it." "It's time I came back," Mrs. Davenport said with a tired sigh. "Let's sit over here. Be sure and tell me if those opened windows get too cool on you." They sat side-by-side on the sofa. Mavis glanced around at the knickknacks on antique spindly-legged tables, where the layer of dust looked as out of place as Mavis felt. She couldn't remember a time she had been welcome in this house. Having always been referred to as "the woman who had ruined Laura's life," it was strange to be there. Mavis gave Mrs. Davenport's hand another comforting squeeze and glanced at the pictures of Laura artfully placed around the room—baby pictures, high school pictures, college graduation pictures, and finally an eight-by-ten that had been taken recently. As a baby she was cute, but as a woman she was beautiful. Mavis felt that familiar heaviness in her chest. "I've never seen that picture before. It's new." "That's what I wanted for Christmas last year," Mrs. Davenport said. "You know how she hates having her picture taken." "Oh, yes," Mavis acknowledged with a laugh. How many of their fights had started over the click of a shutter? Laura would stay absolutely furious for hours. "I'll call the doctor tomorrow and see when I can come home." "You need to get a little stronger first, I think. Maybe a few more of them trips to McDonald's." "When can we go again?"

Mavis laughed. "When would you like to go again?" "Tomorrow. I don't need to be cooped up in that house all day." "Laura's got a yard you can piddle in. Maybe you should try that for a few days. Besides, I don't think Laura likes us playin' together so much. I ain't one of her favorite people right now." "She's certainly been moody lately. It's always worse after she talks to that Robin woman." Mavis definitely didn't want to hear anything about that Robin woman. They locked up the house, and Mavis helped her back to the car. "I'm tired," Mrs. Davenport said with a sigh as they parked in front of Laura's house. There was another car in the driveway that Mavis didn't recognize. Pangs of jealousy began taking their best shots. "Did we overdo it?" Mavis asked. "No, no. Not at all. I'l never be ready for bingo if you keep pampering me." Mavis helped her out of the car and offered her arm for support. "So tell me, Mrs. D.," she said, giving that thin cool hand a firm pat. "This bein' our first date and all, do I get a goodnight kiss at the door?" She was rewarded with a hard pinch on her forearm that was sure to leave a bruise. "Guess not." Mavis laughed. The closer they got to the house, the louder the voices became inside. Laura was yelling, occasionally interrupted by someone else trying to yell even louder. Mavis rang the doorbell and heard Jo-Jo's frantic barking. She had this urge to make a hasty retreat to the car but was curious to know who the guest was. The voices inside and the barking stopped. Laura answered the door with Jo-Jo in her arms. "What's going on here?" Mrs. Davenport snapped. "The neighbors can hear you!" "I'm sorry," Laura said sheepishly, holding the door open for them. She looked exhausted. Robin was sitting on the couch fuming and clutching her cane, and Mavis mentally kicked her own butt for not paying closer attention to what they had been yelling about.

"She's all yours," Mavis said. Anxious to get out of there, she disengaged herself from Mrs. Davenport's grasp. "Did you have a good time, Mother?" "Oh, yes. Mavis and I went back to the house for a few minutes. My flowers look pitiful, Laura. I need to speak to the doctor about going home." "You're not ready for that yet." Laura took her mother's arm and then looked up at Mavis. There was an apology in her eyes, and something else that Mavis couldn't quite decipher. "Thanks," Laura mouthed as she guided her mother toward her room. "Mavis," Robin said from the sofa. She struggled to get up and then steadied herself. "So we meet again." She limped around the coffee table, banging it with her cane. "You seem to be spending a lot of time around here lately." "Yeah, well —" "She doesn't love you. Can't you see that?" "She don't love you either, but that's not keepin' you away." Mavis stepped a little closer and offered a slight smile. "By the way," she said in a quiet voice, "how's Diane? The woman you share your life with in Chicago. Does she know what you're doin' down here? And what about Monica? The one you keep on the side in Miami? Last I heard she was stil part of the harem. Me and Monica had a nice little chat about you a few weeks ago. Not to mention BJ gettin' ready to dump your poor brother on his ass, hopin' you'll change your mind and move down here with her. You're such a sweetheart, Robin," she continued calmly. "You've got women all over the country checkin' your divin' team's road schedule. They're all just waitin' to spend some quality time with you. How do you keep your butt outta hot water with 'em? Ain't it a problem keepin' all them names straight? 'If this is San Francisco, then you must be Jennifer.' " Robin glared at her with icy green eyes. "Shut the fuck up," she seethed. "You always needed a lotta extra attention, the best I remember. Everything's a challenge for you. And it looks like you're real good at

jugglin' this kinda stuff, too. You know," Mavis said easily, "Laura and Diane both deserve better'n this. They deserve somebody they can trust to send to work every mornin'." Robin stood up a little straighter and erupted into a cynical laugh. "Like you, for instance?" "Exactly, darlin'. Somebody exactly like me." During her stroll to her car, Mavis felt better than she had in a long time. Laura's a smart girl, she thought happily. She'll figure that bitch out in no time. The six months that Robin had been a patient of Mavis's, Mavis had gotten to know one of Robin's teammates pretty well. Robin and Monica had become lovers before the accident. When Robin was in the hospital and refused to see anyone even remotely connected to the diving profession, Monica had spent many hours crying in Mavis's office or on the phone between exhibitions. Over the years Mavis and Monica had remained friends, while Robin and Mavis had become little more than the annual Christmas card acquaintance — Christmas cards always signed "Robin and Diane." Monica was a diving coach at the University of Miami now, and she and Robin saw each other several times a year during collegian diving competition. They were lovers whenever their schedules brought them together, and Monica confirmed during a phone call to Mavis several weeks ago, that Robin had the same arrangement with a string of other coaches and divers across the country. The list was impressive, but it made Mavis sad. Monica had also told her that Robin's lover in Chicago had been the number one female diver at Stanford University five years ago, and now coached young Olympic hopefuls there in Chicago. Diane apparently didn't have a clue as to what Robin was doing. Mavis parked her car and took the stairs to her apartment two at a time. She didn't care what Robin did or who she did it with as long as she stayed away from Laura. Mavis promised herself that no one would ever use her Laura as a San Antonio "lay over." Mavis waited until her day off to work on Mrs. Davenport's yard. From Jolly and Wanda she borrowed everything she needed and even convinced them to help. Grass was cut, raked

and bagged, hedges trimmed, and sidewalk, driveway and curbs edged. The place looked good. Jolly wound up the heavy extension cord for the Weed Eater and wiped her forehead with a shirt sleeve. "We finished up the back," she said. "Are you coming over later?" Mavis smacked her work gloves against her jeans a few times to rid them of grass and dirt. "I don't think so. I'm tired." She took her Texas Rangers baseball cap off and let her hair tumble down. It was unusually hot for November. "I'll work on these flower beds as long as my knees hold up." "If you change your mind, give us a call." "Sure thing. Thanks." She tucked her hair back under the cap and returned to weeding the flower bed. Her knees and hands were sore but she wanted to finish. Mrs. D. would like it. Mavis missed spending time with her. It had been a few days since their McDonald's date, and she didn't feel right about calling or dropping by anymore. Things with Laura were too strained. Maybe it was time to take the old lady on a trip to the bingo hall, she thought with a chuckle. She worked her way down the sidewalk, pulling weeds and loosening dirt around the neglected plants. She heard a car in the driveway and looked up to find Laura and Mrs. Davenport getting out. "Shit," she muttered. She had wanted this endeavor to be an anonymous gesture, like yard fairies had been there. Laura didn't look too happy either. Mavis got up, her legs aching and her knees screaming. She took her gloves off and gave her jeans another good dusting. There was a dull ache in her lower back that she knew she would pay dearly for later. She rubbed it slowly and took off her cap. Smiling, Mrs. Davenport came down the sidewalk. Mavis noticed right away that she was getting around very well without the walker. "It looks wonderful, Mavis! I've been so worried. And my ivies! We could get a freeze any

time now, you know." Mavis wiped her brow and glanced up at the sun beating down on them. A freeze couldn't have been further from her mind. "Come inside," Mrs. Davenport said. "Rest a while. I think I've got some juice." Mavis and Laura watched her take the porch steps carefully and then unlock the front door. Mavis could feel Laura's eyes on her, angry and piercing. "Using my mother like this won't help your case," she said coolly. At first Mavis had no idea what she was talking about, but once the whole wretched insinuation became clear, all she could do was stare at her. "You've wormed your way in, but it won't work, Mavis. Getting my mother on your side just won't work!" Mavis dropped her gloves among the weeds scattered along the walk. The burning in her chest threatened to choke her. "I'm tired of these little games," Laura continued. "Some of this bullshit of yours is new, but it's bullshit just the same and it has to stop." Mavis took off her cap and shook her hair out. She brushed past her on the way to her car, but Laura caught her by the arm and spun her around. "You don't even have the decency to deny it!" "I'd be wastin' my time." Mavis shrugged off Laura's grip. "You've got your mind made up already." Laura glared at her. "God, you can still piss me off faster than anyone I've ever known." "It's a gift." Mavis jutted her chin defiantly. She was tired and hurt. There was very little fight left in her. Laura crossed her arms and tapped her foot while she fumed. "Robin's got a lover in Chicago. You've known about it all along, haven't you?" Mavis's heart started beating faster. "Goddamn you!" Laura screeched. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't my place." "Like hell it wasn't!" "You wouldn't have believed me anyway." Their eyes met, and Mavis saw the confusion and anger in Laura's expression. Laura shook her head in frustration. "I'll never understand you," she said finally. "When was the last time you even tried?" Mavis took her exhausted, worn body and trudged through the pulled weeds cluttering the sidewalk. She got in her car and left.

Chapter Eighteen Mavis salted her burger and automatically pulled the onions off and piled them on the side. Susan set her tray down on the table and then disappeared again in search of hot sauce. Mavis had dodged her as long as she could, but Susan had been waiting for her in the parking lot first thing that morning. At the time, a promise for lunch had been the best plan of escape. "So tell me what's going on," Susan said as she slid in the booth. "You've been avoiding me." "You're imaginin' things, darlinV "Sure I am. You know all this is killing me." "I really don't wanna talk about it." "Tough shit," Susan said. "You're a wreck, Laura's a wreck, and nobody's talking about it. How can we help if we don't know what's happening?" Mavis pushed her tray away. She wasn't hungry, and hadn't been for days. "Laura says Robin has a lover in Chicago," Susan said between bites of her burrito. "Apparently they've been together for several years." Mavis nodded. "I'm sure Diane's a very nice person." "Why didn't you tell anybody?" "Why didn't / tel anybody?" Mavis repeated in exasperation. "Robin slithers in and outta town lyin' to her lover and stringin' Laura along, and I'm the one everybody's pointin' a finger at? I warned Robin about this! I told her to come clean with Laura, but she kept denyin' they were sleepin' together. On the surface it looked like they were stil just friends." Susan nodded. "Yeah, I know. And in the meantime Trish and I were sort of throwing them together. They made such a cute couple." Susan's eyes widened as soon as she realized what she had said. "Christ, I'm sorry. Shit. This is so fucked up."

Mavis wadded her napkin and tossed it on her tray. She was tired of crying and tired of being the only person in the world who knew how right she and Laura were for each other. Even her therapist had started suggesting that maybe she should give it up. "When was the last time you saw Laura?" Mavis asked quietly. "Last night. She was pretty down. She moved her mother out a few days ago." "Really? How's the old lady doin'?" "Good. Real good. I think Laura misses her." Susan dabbed a napkin at her mouth. "And I think she misses you too." Mavis eyed her carefully. "Where would you get such a ridiculous idea like that?" "Just a feelin'." "The last time I saw her she looked at me like I was pond scum. As a matter of fact, I'm sure she would've preferred pond scum." Susan shook her head and laughed. "Did Trish cal you about my birthday party at the bar? You're going, aren't you?" "I'll make an appearance, but I probably won't stay very long." "Daisy and her lover will be there." Mavis nodded. "That's okay. Me and Daisy's cool. We'll have to be at opposite ends of the table, though. Her new lover don't like me." "The new lover never likes the old lover. You know that." Mavis was even later for Susan's birthday party than she had expected to be. The place belched smoke and outrageously loud music every time someone opened the front door. Mavis tucked the birthday present under her arm and dug in her jacket pocket for the cover charge. The place was packed. She spotted the group in the corner, the table decorated with streamers and a cheap paper tablecloth. Presents were stacked at one end next to a huge birthday cake in the shape of female genitalia. Mavis gave Susan a kiss on

the cheek and added her present to the stack. Wanda pulled out a chair directly across from the obscene-looking cake and ordered her a beer. "We thought you'd changed your mind!" Mavis draped her jacket on the chair and waved at Laura and Jolly as they came off the dance floor. For some reason Mavis hadn't expected Laura to be there. The music played nonstop, and Mavis watched her friends dance and giggle under the lights swirling over the sea of bodies. A while later Daisy came up behind her and gave her a hug. "You're late. We were worried about you." "I had an appointment. How ya been?" "Good." Daisy made a face as she glanced at the cake sporting bright pink lips and dark chocolate curls supposedly representing a tuft of pubic hair. "That cake's really disgusting. Don't we have something to throw over it?" Daisy's new lover was there in a flash, putting her arm around Daisy's waist and whispering in her ear. A few moments later they shuffled off toward the dance floor. The waitress arrived with a tray full of shots of peach schnapps. Those who were at the table and not dancing offered a birthday toast and emptied their tiny glasses. Mavis's throat burned as she downed the drink. She caught Laura looking at her but didn't have the confidence to acknowledge it. For the first time in her life, she felt uncomfortable among her friends. "Let's dance," Susan said from across the table. Mavis eyed her wearily. "I ain't had enough to drink yet." "Too bad. It's my birthday. Get your ass up." Susan had her by the hand just as the Mexican music began to play. "A cumbia!" she squealed. "Come on, Mavis. I've seen you dance to this before!" It was either dance or get stepped on by everyone else, so off they went. During their first spin around the floor Mavis's mood changed. She never remembered how much she liked to dance until she was out there doing it again. Susan followed her every step. Couples who had no idea what they were doing occasionally ran into them. They eventually danced

their way back to the table, and Susan hugged her and snatched Trish up for a fast song. Mavis watched them for a while and sipped her beer. The next thing she knew, Laura was pulling up a chair and squeezing in beside her. "Why were you so late? We were worried about you." "I had some stuff to do." Mavis moved over and got rid of another chair so they could have more room. Laura's olive drab shirt neatly tucked into khaki pants was very becoming. She looked like a fetching dignitary from the Banana Republic. They settled comfortably and glanced at the dance floor over the beer bottles on the table. Smoke was thick in the air, and Mavis still felt warm from her Mexican whirl with Susan. "You looked so lost over here," Laura said after a moment. She stirred her drink with a thin straw. "I have a confession to make." She smiled. "I've never liked seeing you dance with other women." Mavis allowed herself to relax enough to enjoy the compliment. It had to be one of the nicest things Laura had said to her in a long time. "Why's that?" "I don't know exactly. It's just always been that way." "Always?" Mavis picked up her beer and turned in her chair. Her knee brushed Laura's thigh. "I've got a confession to make too," she said. Their eyes met, and she felt a familiar rush of confidence on its way. "I hate onions." Laura's smile was slow and genuine. She leaned her head back and laughed softly. "Since we're doin' so good with all these confessions," Mavis said, "maybe we could keep it up for a few minutes and clear the air a little." "I think that's a good idea. I've got some questions I'd like to ask you." Laura propped her elbow on the back of her chair and gave Mavis no other choice but to offer her undivided attention in return. "Tel me about this therapist. Are you still seeing one?" "Yeah. That's why I was late." "Does it have anything to do with your father? Are you having problems with that?" Mavis shook her head. "No. I'm doin' okay with all that stuff. I just wanted to make some

changes in my life and didn't have a clue where to start." "Has therapy helped?" "In some ways it has. I've learned a few things about myself. Daisy was right, you know. I ain't always been a nice person." She took a draw on her beer. "I've said some things to you over the last few weeks that I'm sorry for," Laura said. "This whole business with Robin hasn't been easy. And then with my mother getting sick and everything." "You were wrong about me and your mother. That really hurt." Laura stirred her drink again. "I was hoping I was wrong." "You were." "Then why didn't you say something?" "I know how you are when you get like that. It wouldn't have made any difference what I had said." "Maybe you're right. Either way, I'm sorry it happened." "I'll go by and see her tomorrow," Mavis decided suddenly. The thought cheered her up. Maybe Mrs. D. would want to play cards. Maybe even go to McDonald's again. "I've been thinkin' about her lately. She's changed a lot, you know. But then I guess we all have." "I never thought I'd see the day when you two could be in the same room together. It's sort of weird hearing her talk about you." "She talks about me?" Laura laughed easily. "All the time. Apparently nobody makes microwave cinnamon raisin oatmeal like you do. And she gets this little lilt in her voice when she mentions the fullbody massage you gave her." "Gin rummy makes her tense." "I can imagine."

"I've done her a great injustice all these years," Mavis admitted. "I've always been very jealous of her. Competin' with her for your attention was hopeless from the start. She'd call and off you'd go. Our Sundays became her Sundays. Our holidays became her holidays. I resented it." Mavis looked away and wasn't sure she wanted to say any more. Dredging up these old feelings hurt much worse than she liked to admit, but her therapist had said that talking about it was good for her. "I've never been first with you, Laura. Even when things were at their best between us, I never felt like I was number one in your life. When we were all set to move to Washington and you let your mother change our plans, somethin' happened to me. We never even had a chance to discuss it. I had no input in our future. You came home from a Sunday visit and everything was already taken care of. Things were never the same after that. It wasn't until these last few weeks when I got to know her a little better that all that old baggage started workin' itself out. We both love you, but I guess neither one of us ever realized that there was enough of you to go around. I've screwed up a lot. I'll admit that. But I'm learnin' to stop blamin' other people for my mistakes, and I realize now that your mother wasn't the reason we broke up. I've blamed her all these years, you know." Mavis reached for her beer bottle again and shrugged. "That's what therapy's done for me. I'm tryin' to become a responsible adult, and it's an awesome undertakin'." "I can't believe you've never told me any of this before." Mavis laughed. "It was news to me, too. My therapist dragged it out of me after your mother got sick." A slow song started to play, and the dance floor filled up quickly. Laura set her drink down and continued looking at her. "I don't know what to say." The silence settled over them again, then Laura reached for Mavis's hand. "Let's dance." They followed Trish and Susan through the maze of empty chairs. Once out there among

the swaying bodies, Mavis took Laura in her arms. It had been years since they'd danced together. Laura's perfume was sweet and intoxicating, her hair soft and silky. Mavis pulled her a little closer as other couples around them moved in. She could feel Laura's hands fluttering down her back to her waist, then to her hips. It was a slow caress. Their bodies seemed to fit together so easily. Laura laughed lightly and said, "I'm making progress. I've been around you ten whole minutes and I stil have my clothes on." "It's early yet." Laura closed her eyes and tilted her head back. The lights spinning above them brought out the patches of copper scattered in her hair. "How long has this power struggle between you and my mother been going on?" "From day one." "Why didn't I ever notice it?" "It's not the kind of thing you take seriously." "It hurt you a lot, didn't it?" Mavis nodded. "At the time. You feel better now?" Laura leaned back to look at her and smiled wryly. "What's that supposed to mean?" "We've spent years hurtin' each other. Maybe we can stop now." "True," Laura admitted. Her hands continued their steady caress. "What is it you want from me, Mavis?" Mavis shrugged. "A chance, I guess. Just a chance to do it right this time." Laura shook her head and closed her eyes for a moment. "I can't. You know I can't do that." Mavis nodded reluctantly. "What scared you the most about us makin' love the other night?"

"Everything," Laura whispered. "Absolutely everything." "Be more specific." Mavis nuzzled her neck and kissed her throat. Laura was trembling and the next thing she knew they were kissing. "Damn you," Laura whispered. They had stopped dancing among the swarm of bodies. They kissed again, a deep, breathless all-consuming kiss. "I won't fall in love with you again," Laura said, her lips on Mavis's throat. "I won't do it." "Nobody said nothin' about love." "I mean it." "I know. I heard you. We'll go out and have a little fun. Engage in some incredible sex. Take your mom out to play bingo a few times... get to know each other again." Laura's mouth never stopped kissing her, with the heat of their bodies an ever-constant reminder of what they both clearly wanted. "My God, you feel good," Laura breathed. She tilted her head back, and Mavis recognized that glazed look in her eyes as Laura said, "Let's get out of here." They left the dance floor holding hands and went back to the empty table to get their things. Everyone else was out on the floor. Mavis got her jacket and felt Laura squeeze her hand once more; her heart began racing all over again. Laura put her coat on and leaned against Mavis. 'Incredible sex and bingo. That's it." "I can handle both." Laura touched Mavis's cheek lightly with a cool, delicate finger, and then moved her hand possessively along the collar of her shirt and briefly into her hair. "I won't fall in love with you again," she said. "I won't." Mavis picked up her keys and kissed Laura's hand caressing her cheek, feeling safe and happy in the knowledge that it was already much too late for that.

EPILOGUE Six Months Later Laura swished the paintbrush around in the murky glass and tilted her head to get a better angle from the light. She set the glass down and chuckled. "I'll be damned if it doesn't look like a window," she said. Mavis tugged a paint-stained rag from her back pocket and wiped her hands off. They stood side by side in Mavis's apartment admiring their handiwork. After two days of sketching and planning, Laura had finally finished painting Mavis's "picture window" on her apartment wall. The "frame" looked like real wood, and the simulated bright ray of sunshine actually seemed to come to life with some help from the track lighting Wanda had put in a few days before. Laura slipped her arm around Mavis's waist and leaned against her. 'You're a genius, darlin'. Who else could've given me a bug-free open window?" "The guy who invented screens. Are you sure you don't want a bird perched on the sill? We've got some blue paint. A cute little blue bird would go with your couch." "Nope," Mavis said. "I like my window just the way it is." Laura' kissed her cheek. "How about an onion on it? Would that be more appropriate?" Mavis nuzzled her neck and groaned at the suggestion. "Maybe a leek," Laura said. "A touch of green would give the whole room a nice contrast in this light." "Laura, darlin'... nobody wants a leek in their window." It was Laura's turn to groan. She took Mavis by the hand and led her to the couch. Whatever paint stains were on their clothes had already dried. "Tell me what you know about Cow Pie Bingo," Mavis said. Laura curled up her nose. "Just its name tells me more than I already want to know, thank you." "Wanda never heard of it either, but somebody at work has. He says they have it at county

fairs and such. There's this big pasture divided into squares with numbers on' em. You buy as many numbers as you want. In the meantime they've got this cow somewhere that needs to ... uh... deliver a pie real bad." Laura's nose curled up even more, but Mavis gave her hand a comforting pat. "Stay with me here, darlin'. There's more. Supposedly, they let this cow out and shoo it a little, and then whatever square it drops the cow pie on wins." "That's truly disgusting," Laura said. "And don't you dare tell my mother about this! She'll have us scouting the countryside looking for pastures with numbers on them." Mavis threw her head back and cackled. "She called me already. That's where I first heard about it. They're havin' one at the Strawberry Festival next week. You busy on Saturday? You interested in Cow Pie Bingo?" The expression on Laura's face made her laugh all over again. 'I'm sure it ain't that bad. My source at work could've gotten the details all wrong. He might've been bullshittin' me, so to speak." Laura pinched Mavis's cheek and then let her finger slowly trail down to the corner of her mouth. Every now and then the fluttering in Laura's stomach still caught her by surprise. They had been seriously dating for six months, and Laura was learning to trust her again. They talked about everything, and spent most of their free time together. Laura was reaching the point in her life where she was ready to focus on someone else. She liked being a couple, having someone to share things with. She felt certain that if they took it slow, they could do it right this time. "Have you thought anymore about that dudette ranch Jolly mentioned the other night?" Mavis asked. The tip of her tongue touched Laura's finger as it toyed at the corner of her mouth. Laura felt renewed fluttering scamper through her whole body. "The Desert Hearts Cowgirl Club?" Laura said. "It might be fun. It's for city people, right? We won't have to rope our supper or anything, will we?"

"Meals cooked, horses saddled, secluded walks in the woods. I bet they even got cowgirl coffee. The brochure looks pretty good." Mavis leaned her head against the back of the couch. "If we go, we're gettin' the room with the fireplace. Wanda and Jolly can have the other one." Laura smiled. "You like fireplaces?" She pointed to the bare wall beside the couch. "I could paint you one right there. Have a few flames leaping up from a log. A wisp of smoke. A nice radiant glow." Mavis leaned over and kissed her. "Let me get used to my new window first." Laura planted little kisses all around Mavis's mouth. As always, it turned serious very quickly. "Should we be doing this in front of your new window?" Laura whispered. She pulled Mavis down on top of her. "You can do this anywhere you want, darlin'." Laura sucked on Mavis's tongue and eventually came up for air. "Will this make me sweat?" She laughed when she heard Mavis whisper, "I hope so. By the way, I think I've still got them grape flavored underwear around here somewhere."

Table of Contents Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen EPILOGUE Six Months Later