Narcissism Denial of the True Self by Alexander Lowen Narcissim Denial of the True Self PDF

Narcissism: Denial of the True Self by Alexander Lowen

You Don't Know Narcissism Unless You Read This Book

NARCISSISM Are you a narcissist? Do you interact with someone who is? Contrary to popular belief, narcissists do not love themselves or anyone else. They cannot accept their true selves, constructing instead fixed masks that hide emotional numbness. Influenced by forces in culture and predisposed by factors in the human personality, narcissists tend to be • More concerned with how they appear than what they feel • Seductive and manipulative, striving for power and control • Egotists, focused on their own interests but lacking the true values of the self -- self-expression, selfpossession, dignity, and integrity • Without a solid sense of self, which leads them to experience life as empty and meaningless In this groundbreaking study, Dr. Alexander Lowen uses his extensive clinical experience to demonstrate how narcissists can reco ver their suppressed feelings and regain their lost humanity. By the use of Bioenergetic Analysis, the psychotherapy created by Dr. Lowen, a new possibility of a fulfilling and authentic life is presented for people with narcissistic characteristics and for those who interact with them.

Personal Review: Narcissism: Denial of the True Self by Alexander Lowen Alexander Lowen nails it. I found this to be a very insightful book on the subject of narcissism and I recommend it to both the lay person and to the therapist. And especi ally to those expecting a child; you'll be really glad you read this. It, more than other books, really helped me understand narcissism and the depression related to it. It is a very smart, in-depth study of narcissism that made me nod my head "yes, yes, that's right!" page after page. Lowen's writing flows very well and is far from dry. And it wasn't until the last quarter of the book that I was shocked to discover that it wasn't written in the present day; that's how timeless and useful this book is. It's also very Freudian-friendly so if are too close-minded to believe in Freud's theories, don't read this book. Lowen's understanding of narcissism is based on the idea that it is a feeling disorder. Or more accurately, it's about not feeling. Narcissism is not -- as most think -- about being "selfish" or an "ego maniac" -- it is about 1) an exaggerated investment i n one's image at the expense of the self and 2) the denial of feeling. The narcissist's sense of self is not derived from bodily feelings as it should be. Narcissists don't create images because they merely don't like themselves. They create images because as children they experienced immense pain and in order to cope they had to stop feeling hurt/sad/helpless as a matter of protection, which then killed their ability to feel since they are investing in an image. He goes on to tell us that as adults, narcissists -- just like their parents -use an image of superiority to cover over and compensate for an inner feeling of inferiority. So these adults end up using power to overcome an inner sense of helplessness and powerlessness. Keeping feelings locked away deep down under a hardened shell means that narcissists have a rigidity that binds feelings and accounts for that awful feeling of emptiness and unfulfillment. Not having feelings makes for a very depressing and lonely life. And a tight body. Lowen's theory is that you have to unlock those deep feelings and let them free while loosening the body so as to release the tension because the emotional tension is tied to a physical tension. Tension "produces a rigidity in the body, a partial deadness. It is not surprising that soldiers are drilled in standing rigidly at attention. As we have seen, a good soldier must suppress much feeling and become, in effect, a killing machine." Otherwise soldiers would feel emotions like fear, sadness, etc. and would thus melt down on the battlefield and be ineffective soldiers. To better explain, here are some pulled quotes from the book, which I hope will help you understand Lowen's prowess and the magnitude of this book: -Narcissists "cannot distinguish between an image of who they imagine themselves to be an image of who they actually are...the narcissist

identifies with their idealized image. The actual self-image is lost...narcissism denotes an investment in one's image as opposed to one's self. Narcissists love their image, not their real self. They have a poor sense of self...Instead, their activities are directed toward the enhancement of their image..." -"As children, narcissists suffer what analysts describe as a severe narcissistic injury, a blow to self-esteem that scars and shapes their personalities. This injury entails humiliation, specifically the experience of being powerless while another person enjoys the exercise of power and control over one...such a person (the powerless) could easily vow: 'When I grow up, I'll get power, and neither you nor anyone else will be able to do this to me again'." [Power helps one avoid feeling vulnerable and powerless, but when one seeks and attains power, one has control. And this inevitably leads to the cycle of parents contr olling children.] "It is the experience of humiliation that underlies narcissists' striving for power. Through power, they believe they can wipe out the insult. Any challenge to their power of image threatens to make them feel powerless and evokes the fear of being humiliated." But "power will not overcome one's inferiority" or "ease and inner feeling of humiliation...power only serves to deny these feelings." -"Hysterics are often described as oversensitive, as exaggerating their feelings. Narcissists, on the other hand, minimize their feelings aiming to be 'cool'...narcissistic predisposition is to depression, a sense of emptiness or no feeling, whereas in hysteria the predisposition is to anxiety...Victorian culture fostered strong feelings but imposed definite and heavy restraints on their expression, especially in the area of sexuality. This led to hysteria. Our present day culture imposes relatively few restraints on behavior, and even encourages the 'acting out' of sexual impulses in the name of liberation, but minimizes the importance of feeling. The result is narcissism. One might also say that Victorian culture emphasized love without sex whereas our present culture emphasizes sex without love." -There is "a limit to a child's ability to cry. It can cry itself out, as we say. At this point, it has no more energy to sustain crying, and so it stops or falls asleep exhausted. To continue beyond this point would risk death, since the child would have to call upon energy that is needed to maintain vit al functions. This experience is highly traumatic, since it creates an association in the child's mind between deep crying and death." [It makes sense, then, that the child learns to not express feeling because it is connected with death. But it is also connected, I think, to the parent ignoring the child so that expressing feeling is not doing the child any good.] "The child learns to give up the struggle for contact with the mother. In effect, the child has cut off the longing for this contact and so no longer feels the pain of frustration. A new reality, in which the desire for intimacy and closeness is not expressed, has been accepted." [It's saying: don't feel. Be thick skinned. Don't be sensitive to stimuli. Have a shell. Be shielded from the world and from connecting with others. Don't be alive.]

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