My BDSM Work Book

All About you..

Fill Me Up. Your BDSM. 18+ P.S: Cover me how you will master ! Then i’ll look just like all the other books hehe. Nobody will suspect a thing..

By: Vaughnie_Vixen

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Introduction This is you guide speaking… Hello & Welcome Fellow Kinksters This is a simple workbook is designed for everyone to keep their kinkiness up to date and understood. I want you to fill me up with all your dirty fantasies and hand me over to whoever you want … ooh kinky. Then They'll know all your kinky little secrets because sometimes you don't want everything online, and obviously you want to turn your guide on by Filling me up = P

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How to use this guide. They tell you to write a journal… In most Dynamics they ask you to write a journal and share mostly everything we cover in this workbook. I feel this can be very difficult in this day and age being so busy but it is essential for all parties to do. So how does this book work? Step One. Think about What interests you and what BDSM covers. Step Two. Fill out the blanks, If you're not 100% Dont worry, Im all yours. Step Three When you start talking, mixing, dating, befriending people in the kink community you can reference me , pass me around like one of your french girls oh la la. Step Four Use me again and again keep filling me up.. At least visit me once a month. Break the ice with me show them your newest desires… the cave of wonders…

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BDSM Basics What does BDSM ​ ROUGHLY​ stand for: (Welcome for interpretations, So please correct me if I’m wrong , because of this is wrong I don't wanna be right, go ahead scribble me out colour me in sexy.)

B is for Bondage : Restraint D Is for Discipline : Trying to Follow or Enforce the rules hehe S is for Sadism : Enjoying inflicting pain or enforcing discipline with someone who consents to do so. M is for Masochism : Someone who has consented and who enjoys pain humiliation. (Insert all your dirty fetishes here.)

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So as your guide tell me what do you think of .. When I say Bonage you Say : ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________

When I say Discipline you Say : ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________

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When I say Sadism you Say : ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________

When I say Masochism you Say : ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________

When I say sexy you say: “Yes​ wow thats hot… Say it again..

”,

 

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  Common BDSM activities can include:  High light ones you'll want to do on a regular basis:  

● Bondage and restraints (Cuffs, ties, bondage tape,  blindfolds, gags, rope knots and  plastic wrap)  ● Impact play (Spanking, paddling, crops, and hitting)  ● Service (Where the submissive performs actions for the  dominant)  ● Discipline (Reward or punishment for following or  disobeying instructions)  ● Orgasm control (once, twice, three times a lady)   ● Role Playing (Daddy/daughter, teacher/student, anything you  can think of you can do it!) 

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Mark me! Have your say.      

   

Note down Your own You've found here..

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Safety Within BDSM What does that mean to you? Always Safe, Sane & Consensual.

….What do you mean you won't go in the boot? Number one thing we all know is safety comes first, That's why they call its first Aid……...Also that is something you're going to need by the way. Think about your safety because as they say ​ knowledge is power​ repeat after me, hehe did you do it?

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Areas of Your Safety ●Physical safety / Wellbeing - ​ Understand what you're doing research it allot: See that porn is just research after all! Be prepared incase of an emergency.​ I can hear da sirens commin’.. No that's not your cup of tea.. Never mind. ●Emotional Safety/ Wellbeing -​ “OMG It’s so small! Bet you can't do anything with that.. What's thats your not into me making fun of your …. Oh dear how embarrassing.” Make sure Nobody​ intentionally goes out of their way ​ to negatively affect your confidence, self worth or

humiliate/ disgrace you in a way you have not consented to! Talk to me if no one else *hug* “There there now” ●Financial Safety/ Wellbeing - ​ I don't care PayPig

gimme your bank details…. (Yeah give them details on how to not act like a $h!t findom) ​ Ensure that

regardless of personal expectations or fantasies you don't break your bank, Your Priceless, food, rent is not. Think of setting a limit think of using prepaid cards etc.

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● Social Safety / Well Being - N ​obody can dictate who you can or

cannot be friends with. They Cannot Stalk you (without consent) , They should not intentionally disclose your private sexy kinky life and the contents of that box in your room to others unless you agree that it’s ok. Think about Non Disclosure agreements.. If this worries you. ​ Or tape their mouth shut… Just Kidding of course.

● Neglect ­ ​ Please Sir Can I have Some more… ​ Don’t let others  ignore your  human needs and rights.​  If anyone fails to meet  your needs communicate this as quickly as possible it might be  able to be resolved. If Not they're OUT!   

●Sexual Abuse­ You get that feelin’ you need sexual healin’..  One second… is that ok?  Seriously always get consent just remember let your conscience be your guide. If You lie it's not your penis/boobs that grows….. Just saying…. Always have a safety word or actions so you can stop at any time. Discuss scenes through thoroughly before hand don't be afraid to ask questions dear! ​ If someone dares to sexually abuse you, YOU call the cops ​ send them prison and visit them in 6 months when they are someone's lil bitch for life if you know what I’m saying!

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My Self Care Plan! Who Can you talk to about this if necessary? “You are not alone…I am here with you” ❏ Online Friends ❏ Friends or Family ❏ BDSM Sites and Forums

Do you Understand How to stay safe online? (Yes/No) If No you should research this.. Dont meet up with strangers etc vet them like Mi5 Did that guy with the “ Package” jk.

What Can you do when…. How can you protect your physical well being? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ ______________

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What Can you do when…. How can you protect your Emotional well being? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________

What Can you do when…. How can you protect your Financial l well being? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ ____________________

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What Can you do when…. How can you protect the privacy from unwanted social environments? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ ____________________

What Can you do when…. How can you prevent the neglect of your needs? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________

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How Can it be made clear when enough is enough sexually? Never Ever Feel That you can’t say no to someone! ● Traffic light systems - My personal favourite. ○ Red- STOP NOW ○ Amber- Slow down, easy tiger ○ Green - Great keep Going! ● Safe Word - Pick a word that means stop to you both. Example: Bananas means STOP ● Movements Touching your ear, holding up so many fingers up can mean stop, slow down.

Regardless if you say “I Have had enough this scene/ session whatever you are doing, ends now I am now leaving this scene if you continue i will call the police i do not consent!” This is more than adequate! This is good practice for everyone! As psychopaths come in all shapes and sizes vanilla (everyday people) and chocolate chip (kinky people) & everything inbetween. ● Rape alarms! ● Scream for help. ● Tell people where you're going (address) and when your due home. If you need help asap send them a text or a code phrase to get help! ● Call the police !

Now you're clued up on how to fight against the Dark Arts we can move forward with your training! Training, complete it is, Say Stop, you know how to say!

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Basics on Dynamics, Roles & Power Exchange. “The Power exchange that occurs within a Dominant & Submissive dynamic is  essentially an illusion! The submissive always retains the power of consent.  The only power the Dominant truly has are those gifted to them by their  submissive and only within the confines of that negotiated dynamic. ­ Father  Mark" 

What are dynamics? BDSM dynamic is a term for the roles consenting people adopt or internalize and  the way they behave toward each other in the BDSM aspects of any relationship or  scene. ​ (The Function of your Character) 

What are Roles? Role is your position and what you do in a situation.   Example: Dominant,Mistress, Goddess, Mommy, Daddy,Girl, Boy, Little, Submissive etc.   (Your name)

What is power Exchange? Where by all parties discuss who has power over certain aspects within their dynamic. Commonly over submissives although they may want retain control and power over certain aspects of their lives and visa versa Dominants may not want to do a total power exchange . Also Submissives and some Dominants are very happy to do a complete total power exchange whereby the submissive hands over total control. What Dynamic, Roles & Level of power exchanges do you think you would enjoy?

__________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ ________

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Just a few Standard Dynamics. Dominant

Submissive

Master / Owner (Pet play)

Pet

Daddy / Mommy / Caregiver (Age Play)

Little / Mid / Big / Brat / Princess

Mistress / Sir (Domestic)

Slave/ Sissy/ Maid

Goddess / God/ Findomme & Findom (Financial)

Pay Pig / Cash slaves

BDSM is Adult play you can choose to be called whatever you want…​ When you think of some Fill me up, no need to rush hehe. Name

Dominant / Submissive/ Switch

Area Of BDSM

Princess Klip Klop

Mostly Dominant can switch.

Ponyplay (unicorn persona)

Sargent Fuck Toy

Submissive

Role play Military

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It’s All About you, isn't it! Of course it is! .^_^. ¬_¬ 0_0 Circle Ones that mostly apply to you.. (Make Notes Next page). Calm

Wise

Opinionated

Formal

Stolid

Forthcoming

Whimsical

Respectful

Trustworthy

Confident

Spontaneous

Hyperactive

Candid/Frank

Talkative

Obedient

Cooperative

Laid Back

Encouraging

Loving

Patient

Impatient

Lively

Nervous

Child / Baby like

Strict

Loyal

Pessimistic

Determined

Introverted

Pensive

Egar

Quiet

Strong

Helpful

Tactful

Weak

Domineering

Stubborn

Secretive

Extroverted

Alterative

Discreet

Unruly

Picky

Cheerful

Cautious

Optimistic

Logical

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Tell me more about you, expand in me… Hold on.. =P If so What are: ❏Allergies? ❏Mental Health Conditions? ❏Disabilities or Challenges? ❏Current medication? ❏You Personal Weakness? ❏Your Personal Strengths? ❏Hobbies & Interests? ❏Pet Peeves? ❏Guilty pleasures? ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________

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______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________

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See I Know What you want, I Know what you Need... Welcome To your own Yes-No- Maybe List Soft limits - What might you try. Hard Limits - What you will never do.

Act Anal sex

Experience Yes , No , Yes/No/Some Maybe

Notes, Go on mark me out. Giving / Receiving/ Both

Spanking

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Being bitten

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Being serviced (sexually) Bondage

Giving / Receiving/ Both Giving / Receiving/ Both

(heavy/suspension) Bondage (light, Cuffs ties

Giving / Receiving/ Both

etc) Shibari- Rope Body

Giving / Receiving/ Both

harness Blindfolds

Wearing / Observing/Both

Body paint

Wearing / Observing/Both

Bruises (Marks)

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

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Butt Plugs

Wearing / Observing/Both

Cages

In them / Looking at people in them /Both ;)

Caning

Giving / Receiving/ Both

Chains

Wearing / Observing/Both

Chastity Belts

Wearing / Observing/Both

Clothes Pins

Wearing / Observing/Both

Cock rings

Wearing / Observing/Both

Pussy / Cock Worship

Giving / Receiving/ Both

Corsets

Wearing / Observing/Both

Latex

Wearing / Observing/Both

Leather

Wearing / Observing/Both

Cross Dressing

Wearing / Observing/Both

Cuffs ( Leather )

Wearing / Observing/Both

Shackles (metal)

Wearing / Observing/Both

Strap on Dildos

Wearing / Receiving/Both

Double Penetration Exotic Dancing

Giving / Receiving/ Both Displaying / Observing/Both

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Exhibition/ Voyeurism (watching others) Eye contact Restrictions Face Slapping Fisting Flogging Orders Food Play Foot worship Gags Hair Pulling Over the knee spanks High Heels Hand Jobs Oral Sex Sensation Play needles, Ice Cubes , wax, feathers, massages etc Kneeling Erotic Photography

Displaying Yourself / Observing Others Giving / Receiving/ Both Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both Giving / Receiving/ Both Giving / Receiving/ Both Giving / Receiving/ Both Giving / Receiving/ Both Giving / Receiving/ Both Giving / Receiving/ Both Giving / Receiving/ Both Giving / Receiving/ Both Wearing / Observing/Both Giving / Receiving/ Both Giving / Receiving/ Both Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Displaying / Observing Record it / Star in it

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Erotic videography Nipple Play Rimming Orgasm Denial

Record it / Star in it Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both Giving / Receiving/ Both Giving / Receiving/ Both

Outdoor Sex Pain Consensual Kidnapping

Giving / Receiving/ Both Giving / Receiving/ Both

Punishments Scenes

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Pussy / Cock Torture

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Riding Crops Saran Wrapping

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Scenes (Prison/ Religious)

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Scratching

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Domestic Servitude (Maid/Butler/ House slave)

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Shaving

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Shoe/ Boot Worship

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Sissification

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

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Age play

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Pet play

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Stripping

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Spreader Bars

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Stocks

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Swinging

You know me so well / Noopey Noo/mm maybe

TENS UNIT (electrical play)

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Whips

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Paddles

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Wrestling

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Wearing Symbolic Jewelry (collars , ears etc)

Love to / I’d rather Not NO OFFENSE

Water Sports

EEK Nopey No/ Shut up slut Take it

Scat

EEK Nopey No/ Shut up slut Take it

Sensory Deprivation

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Fill me in Here with Your Own here .. omg wow your so sexy it hurts… hehe

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How often do you want to play? ❏Bedroom Basis Only..(And how Frequently like every single time or.. Just once ina while..) ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ❏Whenever appropriate (What do you class as inappropriate?) ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ______

❏24/7 Live it all the time… (Would you need to have times of disgression/ allowances?) ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________

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How to play within the limits.. Pushing boundaries to soft limits (something you might do) is one thing, pushing hard limits onto someone is something they don't agree too will find you on the receiving end of a safeword and can be seen as a betrayal of trust. Sometimes Submissives will have a difficult time admitting and using there Amber (Slow down) or even Red (stop) out of pride or shame of displeasing whoever it is with them so getting to know them is essential realising what is and isn't typical of their behaviour. On the other hand not pushing people into new boundaries and not testing their limits can lead to your partner's feeling restless, It’s a fine line for whoevers responsible and by the way thank you love all bottoms ever, we know how much hard work you put into scenes and evaluating our limits. Image source: ​ http://carasutra.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/toolboxpic.jpg

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Checking in How to ensure that everyone is still happy by checking in on them mid scene and how do you do it? Remember pain is subjective and contextual. (What are you doing to them and should they be reacting the way that they are!)

Asking discreetly ​ : “Are you afraid these bruises will turn red little girl?!” “If you're happy and you know it, Clap your hands” .. I’m waiting hehe “If you've had enough do a wave” Does the pony need to go back to the stable, stamp a hoof: once of yes, Twice for no. ● Physical signs ○ breathplay are the eyes going red ext, if so slow down. ○ Trembling ( extended, but not necessary) ○ Bleeding (depending on limits) ○ Crying (depending on limit) ● Behaviour ○ Unresponsive ○ Slurred speech ○ ○ ○ ○

Remember: If they can't verbalise a safe word or an action indicating to stop the scene, stop what you're doing. Then see if they return to a communicative state if not call it a day, Head straight to after care.

What Check ins can you think of? _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____

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Btw did you know about: Subspace? : During a scene a submissive has a natural high and can be unaware of surroundings, It commonly varies from person to person but ultimately leaves them with an altered physiological state. Have you ever been in subspace , When? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ ________________ How did you feel? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________

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Subdrop: Is a physiological state opposite from subspace. Usually starting at the end of a scene when the endorphins wear off they may feel unattached to reality feel they cannot function within it. ( This again varies from person to person) It can also be seen for example: When you've been staying with your dominant and they leave you drop because you were reliant on the power exchange etc. Or even lack of communication, Have you ever suffered from sub drop , When? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ ________________ What's the best way to help you avoid Sub Drop? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ ____________

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Domspace: Is quite controversial topic on whether or Dominants have a Domspace similar to Subspace, I believe that they probably do with one major difference the Dominant retains control over their actions meaning that they can always interrupt usual behaviours and safe words. Have you ever been in Domspace , When? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ ______________

How did it feel? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________

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Dom Drop: Is very similar to Subdrop but it effects the Top / Dominant (see page 30) Have you ever suffered from Dom Drop , When how did you feel? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ ______________ What's the Best way to help you avoid Dom Drop? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ ____________

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Tell me your Ultimate Kink Scene.. in detail.. Wow really.. Keep going…

______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ 33

______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________​ If you need more space, Stick it to me Mistress I mean the page….

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How to Construct Kink Scenes. ★ Communication & Consent between all parties. ★ Planning You don't want the mail man turning up.. Or do you? ★ Think Safety Grab your First Aid kit,talk about Safety words. ★ Environment, Can you do it there? Are you sure gran won't

mind.. LOL ★ Equipment - Do you know how to use that? Great then tie me up already. ★ Roles & Dynamics - Tonight I’m going to be! = _____________ ★ Roleplay / Scenario Tonight We're gunna= ________________ ★ Goals & Outcomes, Goals: What do you want to happen during the scene example: tickles. Outcome: What is the end result: They are nearly in tears because of it.. :P ★ How to start the scene: protocols Confirmation of consent, Collaring, Confirm your role in the scene get into character ★ How to finish the scene: protocols​ . Slow the scene down slowly no sudden drops subs hate that! Inform them it's ended. Praise them let them praise you etc. Get some After care.

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Kink Scene Maker Who is involved? What Area’s of BDSM are you wanting to cover? What is the Dynamic / Roles?

Where? ​ When? What Equipment will we use? Safety Precautions? Things we want to achieve During scene

What we want our outcome to be: How will I Introduce Myself and them into the scene. Same goes for Finishing.

Affirmation of role, Protocols etc..

Consent: Signed By All parties.

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What is Aftercare? What aftercare is. Aftercare refers specifically to the attention given to a partner at the end of a Scene. This should always be discussed prior to any scenes​ . The purpose of after care is to help everyone feel safe and secure, reduce any physical and psychological stress. References:​ http://www.bdsmwiki.info/Aftercare#Benefits_of_Aftercare ​

Ways of giving aftercare.

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After care Plan What would I would specifically want giving all previously mentioned are assumed: Tell them your favourite drinks or stuff that always cheers you up !! Also how long you want aftercare to last things like that.. __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ ______________________________________ 38

Log it! Rate your Experiences. Reasons to include this: ●Personal growth ●Ensure your Satisfied ●Build your Confidence ●To become decisive in your needs/ desires. ●To bypass any unwanted resentment for not getting what you would like. I feel this is important to cover (even if it is just verbally) because sometimes Dominants/ Submissives will not want to break scene to say actually can we try this way. Although both parties retain the right to stop the scene whenever they feel like it, they feel they could be responsible for ruining the mood/scene (even though they wouldn't be) and they could be very much enjoying it I myself can be very picky or a perfectionist and when it doesn't go how you imagined it can leave you feeling slightly frustrated after scenes. So having comfort in knowing you have a chance at the end to discuss what you wanted. If you or your submissive doesn't seem confident enough to say it to you give them alternative communications and opportunities.

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Scene Log Would you do anything differently ?

Anything you wanted more of?

Anything you wanted Less of?

Something that could have been done?

Was the Environment ok?

Did you feel safe/were you safe?

More / Less/ Sooner/ Later Aftercare?

Overall Were you pleased with how the scene went?

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Living the life How to adapt your dynamic to work for a everyday lifestyle. 1. BDSM Agreements contracts and why? Because we cannot always have written consent for something spur of the moment here is my example.Me and ex lover were having some fun and the neighbours didn't realise and called the police, when the police came they assumed I was being abused, It wasn't the case so obviously I told them everything was fine it's what i enjoyed. They were still very doubtful. So I thought I would show them my fetlife. ( I know kinky.) ​ I love fetlife ​ and fortunately that was evidence enough to prove this was my lifestyle but.. They did get more than an eye full. I wish i had something slightly more discreet. I also feel having a contract in any Dynamic is very nice committal way of showing your dedication to one another there is lots and lots of different contracts but i​ 'll include one of my old basic ones in this that I’ve personally used feel free to adapt it as you need. ( See Next Page)

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BDSM Agreement Contract Parties Who are the parties to the relationship? Dominant (Insert Role/s Here) : Full Names Here Submissive (Insert Role/s Here) : Full Names Here

Duration How long will this arrangement last? Commencement date:______/______/______ Duration: Set time limit or lifetime​ with probationary conditions and to ​ reviewed ​ at 1 month, 2 month, 4 months 6 months, 1 year then reviews shall be carried out annually.

Goals and Purpose of the Contract Dominant’s goals: ● To train submissive into how to act/live within a kink lifestyle. ● Non-disclosure agreement (Unless Dominant agrees that is it allowed to discussed) ● Please feel free to add / remove more

Submissive’s goals: ● To be trained by Dominant ● Learn how to please and/or serve Dominant. ● Please feel free to add / remove more

Combined goals: ● To push boundaries and limits to explore desires to create a lifestyle both parties enjoy. ● Please feel free to add your own.

Dominant’s responsibilities What does the Dominant agree to provide?

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Dominant’s responsibilities: P ​rotection, training, emotional support, safe environment for play, overall welfare of sub including but not limited to: health, safety and nutrition.

Availability of sub to Dominant. When does the arrangement apply? Times: ​ 24/7

Submissive’s Behavior How must the submissive act toward the Dominant and others? Etiquette & Protocols: ● ​ Greeting, questions, requests and favours should involve Dominant’s preferred title (Sir). ● To obey Dominant, within reason and scope, using the Dominant’s preferred title. EG: playful disobedience ● Not allowed: Disrespect to cause harm to Submissive or Dom. (playful is ok) ● Ask before: ○ Leaving the same room as dominant. ○ Move from current furniture/floor etc. ○ Sit on the same furniture as dominate. ○ Kneel when told/appropriate.

Communication Methods of communicating with the Dominant and others? ● Any, including email, phone, social media

Communication rules: ​ (Please feel free to change me) When sending NSFW content, specifically images, a warning must be sent first and then acknowledged by the other party if media is Instant Messaging etc. Kink/relationship can be told to those who already know about it, via any media. Examples: discussing the relationship and the rules is always permitted, only with permission.

Submissive responsibilities Submissive agrees to uphold Submissive’s responsibilities: Domestic servitude, sexual servitude, foot massages, daily chores.

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Scope/ Power Exchange of Arrangement What is the sub willing to give control over? Is the submission sexual/servitude or both? Is it a total power exchange?

Areas to give control over: ​ orgasms etc Areas free of control: ​ Matters regarding external responsibility. (EG Family Matters) Examples:​ genitals, sexual slavery, clothing & dress, hair style & length, domestic chores, diet & exercise, tasks.

Exclusivity Is it a open Relationship / Monogamous ( closed) relationship or otherwise. How exclusive is the arrangement? Closed relationship unless both parties agree otherwise.

Activities & Limits What are the parties’ likes, areas of interest and soft and hard limits? What do these mean to the parties? ​ soft limit means: sometimes/mildly​

hard limit means: never ​

Dominant’s areas of interest/likes: master, control, power, giving: bondage, pet play, spanking, punishments, cages, gags, tease & denial.

Dominant’s Soft limits: ​ giving humiliation, extreme pain Dominant’s Hard limits:​ blood, cutting, extreme torture

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Submissive’s areas of interest/likes: Ball gags, bare bottom spanking, bondage, choking, collar and lead/leash, domestic servitude, hair pulling, Japanese bondage, obedience training, orgasm control. Caging/confinement, consensual non consent and military.

Submissives soft limits:​ humiliation, extreme pain ​ Hard limits: ​ blood, cutting, extreme torture *Look at both parties Yes, No, Maybe List*

Safe words What are the parties’ safe words and signals? Explain what is to happen once a safe word or signal is called. Safe word for slow down: ​ Yellow – Brining session to an end Safe word for stop:​ Red- Stop immediately Non Verbal signal agreed prior to play

Punishments How may the Dominant punish the submissive for misbehaving? Allowed: ​ Forced sexual performances, bondage, gags, cages, denial of services/items/luxuries etc

Not allowed: ​ Cutting, Blood play, Toilet Denial Examples: flogging, corner time, loss of privileges, additional chores.

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Collaring Will the submissive have a collar? What kind? When must the collar be worn? Type of collar awarded: Protection/Consideration / Training/ Formal Rules of Thy Collar: A collar has been given and must be worn at all times in private. A social collar/item will be given for use in public. Additionally, cuffs must be worn when the private collar is. They may be taken off with permission, or when needed to conceal the true nature of the relationship (collecting post etc.) Example: The submissive will have a training collar only. At the end of this training, the Dominant may award the submissive with a permanent collar.

Names/Titles How must the parties refer to each other? Dominant’s name/title in public: ​ Their forename

In private: ​ Sir (Master, Dom are acceptable secondary terms) Sub’s name/title in public: ​ Their forename In private: ​ Brat, Princess

Confidentiality Rules of confidentiality: ● Photos/videos are to be kept off social media except for allowed sites, like Fetlife.com. ● This relationship/agreement may be told to parties aware of the party’s lifestyle, or when other party agrees

Alteration What are the rules about making changes to the arrangement? Rules of alteration: ​ Anytime as long as both agree.

Switching Is switching allowed and if so, what are the rules? Rules of switching: ​ Yes, at Dominants discretion only (playful acting is ok)

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Termination Who may terminate? What happens once the arrangement comes to an end? Rules of termination: ​ When either party requests termination at any point, it shall be null and void.

Planning/negotiating scenes Who is responsible for planning scenes? How will the parties negotiate scenes? Rules for scene negotiation: ​ Dominant takes responsibility, safety, location, roles, equipment, areas of the body, pain, aftercare. Communication at all times is required and encouraged before, after and during any activity of a BDSM nature.

Additional Rules Any other rules, terms or conditions not mentioned above? Additional rules: Examples: list of daily chores/activities, maintaining a journal.

Additional Information Dominant’s Allergies?

Submissive’s Allergies?

Dominant’s Medical and Mental Health Conditions?

Submissive’s Medical and Mental Health Conditions?

Dominant’s After care Requirements?

Submissive’s Aftercare Requirements?

Signed: Dominant's Signature:     

Submissive's Signature: 

Dominant's Print Name:      

Submissive Print name: 

Date Signed:   

Date Signed: 

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2. Living the Life Dealing with Discipline The practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behaviour, using punishment to  correct disobedience. You cannot be disciplined for something you have not consented to  nor if you have consented but it would be damaging (emotionally , socially, physically,  financially ) at that point. All good Dominants / Mistresses/ Tops will understand this.  You should only discipline when it it is in the correct circumstances.  ● What Inappropriate behaviour will you Discipline (correcting behaviour) ○ Not addressing you as your prefered title ○ Leaving a room without asking ○ Not doing agreed chores without any just cause.

Add More Below: __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ____________

● How to enforce discipline ( see page 8 ) ○ Impact play - spanking , caning ○ Bondage - torture / ○ Verbally

__________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ________

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3. Living the Life Giving Rewards ● What behaviours will you reward? ○ Domestic servitude ○ Sexual servicing ○ Positive attitudes

Add more here add your favourite fetishes / tasks / just things you like having done for you: __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________ ● How will you/they be rewarded ○ Gifts ○ Activities ○ Orgasms

__________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ________________

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6. Living the Life Routines ● Routines (To do without being asked ) ○ To have dinner ready when you come home? ○ Completed domestic chores ○ Greeting/ farewell Rituals

What routines would you offer or like to receive? : __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ________

How to enforce structure and wanted behaviour? Making this routine for them and how to do it. ● ● ● ● ● ●

Model wanted behaviours. (more in an age play or caregiver aspects) Give clear expectations. Enforce what you expect to be done at the times expected. Praise wanted behaviour. Discipline when unwanted behaviours start to show. Punish unwanted repeated behaviours.

● What would definitely not like to do as apart of a routined structure? ○ Kneel for excessive amounts of time ○ To not be confined for over _______ amount of minutes ○ That I would not be expected to have X, Y or Z done by X time.

Go into detail as and when you think of them: __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ________________

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7. Living the Life Punishments Punishments (punishing bad behaviour - not enjoyed or funishment - enjoyed) ● What will you punish someone for ○ Repeatedly disobeying instructions ○ Reckless Behaviour ○ Bad Attitude ○ Putting themselves at unnecessary risk

Add more here: __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ______________

● How will you enforce punishment? ○ Impact play ○ Denial _____________ ○ Verbally ○ Treat to excess ○ Restrictive ____________

Add more here: __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ______________

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●

BDSM punishments Ideas. Try : ​ http://pleasepunish.me/ https://writeforme.org/index.php ○ Spankings ○ Cropping ○ Bondage to stop them from moving ○ Denial of phone or PC ○ Verbal restrictions ○ Eye contact restrictions ○ Treat whatever they've done to excess . ○ Google DOCS/Sheets & Forms ○ Use teamviewer

Your list of punishments.. ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________

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8. Living The Life Tasks ● What kinds of tasks will you offer and ​ what would YOU ENJOY

GIVING or receiving? ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Sexual? ( Sexual acts, orgasms etc) Domestic? ( Household chores, cooking etc) Personal Growth? ( Exercise, Educational) Creative? (Crafty stuff , art projects) Humiliation / Degradation? ( Not wearing underwear :P kinky ) Selfcare? ( Looking after yourself) Make sure you mention below for example the frequency of how often you would enjoy doing it ie : all the time / time to time/ once in a blue moon..

Write your own here ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________

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● How will your Dominant give you tasks? ○ Task jar? (My favourite) write on them the time they have to complete it 1 week an hour etc. ○ Via Message? ○ Call them? ○ Give them a map and mark X is the spot.. Get digging ○ Via messenger bird

Seriously Tell us how do you do what you do.. Seriously how do we know :P How Frequently do you want to give tasks etc?___________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ● How will you enforce tasks how will you check? ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Picture messaging Skype Teamviewer Maybe you can get internal CCTV ;) Be there in person

Add more here: ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________

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TASKS LOVE

MAYBE

HATE

Example : Crafty

Cleaning

Writing

Notes: __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________

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9. Learning Disciplines To train oneself to do something in a controlled and habitual way. Refernces: ​ http://www.bdsmwiki.info/Category:Disciplines​ ,

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bondage_(BDSM)#Techniques​ .

Tick What you want to learn.. Bondage Disciplines ❏ Bondage Materials ❏ Rope (Kinbaku / Shibari)  ❏ Metal ( Cuffs, Shackles etc)   ❏ Leather Latex and Polish  ❏ Saran wrap   ❏ Purposes of Bondage  ❏ Sensation Play  ❏ Decorative Play  ❏ Torture Bondage  ❏ Film Bondage  ❏ Meditative   Bondage Resources?   Please Make your Notes and Add info Here.  

____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________       

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Sensation Play Disciplines ❏ Sensation Materials ❏ Hair Pulling ❏ Ice ❏ Wax ❏ Choking ❏ Abrasion ❏ Tease and Denial ❏ Soft Floggers ❏ Endorphin shock ❏ Genitorture ❏ Pressure and pleasure points ❏ Purposes of Sensation play ❏ Sensory Deprivation ❏ Sensory Torture ❏ Meditative   ❏ Torture   ❏ Funishment   ❏ Edging  

Sensation Play Resources?  Please Make your Notes and Add info Here.  

____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________        57

Impact Play Disciplines ❏ Impact play equipment ❏ Spanking:Bare handed ❏ Flogging: Floggers ❏ Fire flogging ❏ Wrestling and rough body movements: Hitting, kicking etc ❏ Paddling: Spankers etc ❏ Single Tail whips ❏ 9 Tail Whips ❏ Caning ❏ Purposes of Impact play ❏ Decorative ( For marks redness or bruising) ❏ Sensation ( Soft floggers) ❏ Torture ❏ Funishment ❏ Edging

Impact Play Resources ● http://www.uberkinky.co.uk/essential-guides/impact-play-guides.html ● http://www.bdsmwiki.info/Category:Impact_Play ● http://dominantguide.com/211/mastering-the-dynamics-of-thud-and-sting/ ● http://bdsminthemind.boydenon.com/2014/12/bdsm-impact-play-safe-zones/   Please Make your Notes and Add info Here.  

____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________        58

Medical Play Disciplines ❏ Medical play equipment ❏ Wartenberg Wheel ❏ Urethra probes ❏ Tens machine ❏ Thermometers ❏ Anemas ❏ speculums ❏ Purposes of Medical play ❏ Role play ❏ Mutation ❏ Torture ❏ Caregiving

Medical Play Resources ● http://www.uberkinky.co.uk/essential-guides/medical-play-guides.html ● http://www.edgeplay.co.uk/epwp/educational-resources/basic-needle-play-guide-ii/ Please Make your Notes and Add info Here.  

____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________   

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Craftsmanship Disciplines ❏ Types equipment / crafts ❏ Collars ❏ Insertable toys ❏ Leather craft ❏ Chainmaille for jewelry ❏ Specialist Clothing

Resources? Please Make your Notes and Add info Here.  

____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________     

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Slave Training Discipline Resources ●http://bestslavetraining.com/ ●http://www.xvideos.com/tags/slave-training ●http://www.bdsmtrainingacademy.com/ Resources? Please Make your Notes and Add info Here.  

____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________   

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Psychological Discipline ❏ Psychological Discipline​ Equipment ❏ ❏ ❏ ❏ ❏ ❏

Strait jackets Audio clips Video Clips Books / information on How to do it DIctaphone / Microphone

Purposes of​ Psychological Discipline  ​ ❏ Meditation   ❏ Sensual   ❏ ASMR ­  Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response  ❏ Auralism  ❏ Control 

Please Make your Notes and Add info Here.  

____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________     

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Did I Forget something?  Add your own Disciplines here that you practice:

Disciplines

Resources for Learning

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Evolving in BDSM. After time you push your boundaries and you want to try new and different things so always remember to fill me in and.. ★Re evaluate Hard , Soft limits ★Tell us your current fantasies ★Reevaluate your protocols ★Reevaluate the frequency ★Reevaluate Power Exchange Keep me upto date so that you know where you stand in your dynamic.

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Some Relationship ABC’s Things to Remember for those argh moments.. 1. Listening To them​ meaning not doing anything else, Ensuring your giving someone 5mins of uninterrupted Full attention. This is far better than someone looking around the room and not engaging and acting disinterested for 15 mins. 2. Give each other a little space​ when needed- Distance makes the heart grow fonder they say. 3. Talk to others online who are into BDSM​ specifically the area that you partake in.(fetlife.com) 4. Minimise phone use​ when you're together. Personally I feel BDSM is a romantic, intimate and spiritual connection especially in scenes, why ruin the intensity of that by possibly being interrupted or tempted by social medias etc you want to connect with one another not the wifi. 5. Create checklists of things you'd like to try together.​ Were not mind readers and we want to make you happy so tell me what you want silly. 6. Talk to experienced players/Couples/Dynamics who have been doing it for a long time​ . Talking to experienced people in the field of your interest will immediately be comforting as they've usually been there done that and had the same struggles and achievements, they'll also have some pro tips that could prove useful. 7. Stop & Appreciate how good your Relationship/Dynamic is.​ It is so easy to take one another for granted how good your life is and the happiness and joy you give each other. 8. Don't make unrealistic goals or outcomes for one another. ​ This can be easily done and isn't intentional obviously we all have fantasies we

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want to fulfill but just need to ensure we're not expecting too much of others or ourselves. 9. We all make mistakes , Forgive yourself and others​ . - Maybe a scene went wrong or you were practicing disciplines and it didn't go as planned as long as it's not intentional or malicious we should try to forgive as BDSM is all about learning and growing. 10.Take care of yourself.​ Easier Said than done but this style of play can potentially be very dangerous and looking after number 1 is essential to enjoying the lifestyle to its fullest. 11. Go to Fetish events / munches / classes / groups and ​ meet others just like you and realise that you're not alone in the community and there's people you can talk to in real life who can connect with you. 12. ​ Pitch in whenever possible there is no I in Team: ​ If you haven't heard of psychological burnout before I urge you to look into this as sometimes particularly Slaves and Caregivers​ can suffer “Burnout” ​ and it can lead to mental breakdowns and can potentially be fatal something that can easily be un recognised because of their nature to please others. 13. ​ Don't internalize other peoples emotions​ that would make you feel/ bad/ guilty/ ashamed etc. People are entitled to an opinion and their emotions try not to take it personally. 14. Create mini-traditions​ Every so often Re collar them, worship etc. 15. Be an open book.

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