My Balloon Girl

Taeyeon is diagnosed with larnyx cancer and because of this cancer she is unable to speak. As a result, she is often just at home reading books at her backyard. She's not very social and is quiet. One day she went to her backyard and found a pink balloon stuck between the branches of her tree. She climbed the tree and took the balloon out, She noticed at the very bottom of the balloon was a letter attached to it. Bored, she decided to open it up and read it. The letter was full of a girl called Tiffany Hwang's day. Apparently this girl called Tiffany wasn't allowed outside ever since a certain accident as is often kept inside her mansion under supervision at all times. She kills time by writing letters and attaching them to balloons and letting them fly. By faith, Taeyeon got a ballon and let it in the air and it went back to Tiffany. They became penpal buddies through Balloons. They soon fall in love with each other through their letters and they ask to meet each other. But before the destined meeting, Taeyeon's cancer caught up with her..

"I'm

sorry..but the results came out..and.."

Before the doctor could finish I was crying my eyes out. He didn't have to finish the sentence. With the word, "I'm sorry" I knew I had it. I had larnyx cancer. I would never be able to speak ever again. My dreams of being a singer crashed down into my heart, leaving it aching as pressure took ahold of it. This is it. This is the end of my life.

"It's...cold.."

My mother faintly said. "It's..so..cold.."

"Mom..Don't..don't close your eyes..please.." Her eyes were turning blank, telling the world goodbye. Eyelids threatening to drop down and shut everything, despite the amount of energy she put into trying to keep herself awake. But slowly..slowly..it started to close. "No..No..You promised. You promised you'd stay with me.." Until finally her eyelids seperated her eyes from the cruel cold world, finally saying it's final goodbye. The warmth in her hands were disappearing as I desperately held onto them. "I love you. Tiffany." Her final words were said. Her body stopped functioning. I could no longer feel her heartbeat on her wrist. "I love you too.." I cried choking on my words. After a long struggle, my mom was finally free. Free of her life.

--

Balloons & Faith

[ → My Balloon Girl ← ] "Balloons and Faith"

01 ________________________________

____________________________________________ "Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die."

I held my phone in anger and reasoned back. "But dad! I haven't gone out in 5 years! You're keeping me here like a prisoner! I have no freedom at all!! LET ME GO!!" I violently yelled to my father in a fit of anger. "You.." My father sent a stinging slap to my face. I stumbled backwards and fell on the floor, crashing into a table that made a reaction of a vase falling. The vase crashed into unfixable pieces beside me as the water and roses dropped alongside. My heart stopped. Not because my father had slapped me, because of the vase. It wasn't any normal vase. It was my mother's favorite flower vase. And I just broke it into a million pieces. I counted slowly in my head, for I knew what was coming. 5.. My father stared at the vases in disbelief. 4.. He's taking a breath, hoping everything to be just a dream. 3.. He realizes it's the truth. 2.. Soon.. 1.. He's back into reality.

"TTTIIIIIIFFFAAANNNY!!!!" He raised his voice, higher than anything I heard. Even the maids and servants were startled and shocked by the sudden change. My father stomped on over and with each step my heart grew with fear knowing what will happen next. He took a handful of my hair and forcefully pulled me back, slamming me next to the broken glass pieces of the vase. My eyes only a few centimeters away from the sharp cutting edge of the vase. "Curse you!!" He spat at me. "Why must you destroy everything important and sentimental to me?! I'm already raising, sheltering, feeding, and taking care of you! And this is how you pay me back?" He grinded his teeth angerily and held a tighter grip on my hair. "Dad?" My older sister came through the door surprised by the sudden sight. "Dad! What are you doing!?" She dropped all her bags and rushed on over to me. "Stop it!" She screamed. My father was showing no signs of stopping the continous cycle of slamming my head on the cold hard floor. "DAD! Stop it!" Michelle's voice grew louder. "This doesn't concern you! Do you want me to hurt you too?!" He growled. And with the very statement of "Do you want me to hurt you too?!", my sister froze at her actions. With my eyes blurry of the tears, all I could see is her walking away quietly. Walking away from her own little sister. Her own little sister that was suffering so much alone. My world started to fade into darkness. The noise around me were faint, but I could only hear the words "I'm sorry." being whispered into my ear.

Before I left the world to enter slumberland, I saw my brother and sister tucking me in, praying that I was okay. Repeatedly reciting, "I'm sorry." Everything turned black.

____________________________________________________________________________ "Didn't you read that book already?" My brother said as he set down his cup of coffee and sat across from me. He turned on the TV and made himself comfortable on the sofa. I gave him a short glance of an eye contact and continued reading on. "The Clan of the Cave Bear, I swear I saw you reading that 3 times already." He said hoping to continue the conversation. In all honesty, I didn't like to talk. Why? Because I couldn't talk. Even if I did use my voice, I'd sound like a dead zombie smoking and dying. It was disgusting to hear my own voice so I never used it. I haven't heard myself speak for over 3 years. Not talking for 3 years, I didn't really look forward to holding conversations. It was just another way of showing the world the cancer I had. Reading made me calm and busy. I can't read out loud, but I can read it in my own voice in my head. A voice I made, the voice I want, the voice that would even make Angels sing with me. Reading also distracted me from what my dream goal was. I loved to sing. LOVED. Now with this stupid cancer destroying me, singing was nothing but out of this world. I gently placed my book down and took out my notepad. I started scribbling my response back to my brother. I held my notepad up for my brother to see. "I..want..the..other..volumes.." He read it out loud slowly. "Do you really?" I nodded my head in excitement.

He pondered for a while, and asked me to give him the book. He flipped through the book and analyzed it. "The Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean M. Auel. Historical Novel..6 series.." He nodded and smiled. "Okay. I'll buy it for you. I don't have anything to do, so I'll go to the book store right now. How about it? Wanna come with oppa?" He offered. It was tempting to say no. I hated going outside, I was surrounded by people who talk endlessly. Using their voices, tiring their voices out. Taking their voices for granted. But I had missed not spending any time with my brother and I knew he'd spoil me anywhere. So I nodded to his question and made my way to my room to change my clothes. All I hoped now was that my brother would do all the talking and that no one would talk to me. ••••••• "Why do you like this book so much anyways?" He said, taking a sip from his soda. "We just bought it 5 minutes ago and you're already on page..what..? 50? You read awfully fast." I flipped onto a new page in my notepad and scribbled my response down. "Because..they..also..can't.." He couldn't bring himself to say the next word down. He simply said, "Oh.." and went back to sipping on his soda. Not wanting to make the atmosphere uncomfortable, I wrote more on the bottom. "It's..interesting..and..FYI..I'm..on..page..59.." He read and chuckled. "Just make sure that at least lasts you a week. I buy you books everyday and you finish it on the same day too. At this rate we'll turn into a library." He joked around. I didn't realize we were already at his car as he unlocked the doors and opened it up. I dunked my head the car and hastily pulled back. It was hot and humid in there and I disliked it. It made it harder for me to breathe and made me sweat more. The orange blazing sun was still shining when it's sunlight made it's way through the windshield and in the car. How can such a beauty be so annoying?

My brother, understanding how I hated the heat, pulled the windows down and waited a while until it wasn't so hot and then telling me to get in. He started the engine and within a few minutes we were back on the road home. "Do you want anything? Drop by the supermarket? Make your favorite food?" He asked me. Running into a few advertisements that were placed stragetically around the area, I found myself craving banana milk. So I nodded and smiled at him. He mirrored my smile and turned to a different lane. ____________________________________ I felt slight movement around me and knew immediately that I was not alone. I let my eyes close and waited until the right time. Sudden weight left my side of the bed and I grabbed whatever I thought was there. I shot my eyes wide open only to be stared back by my brother. "Leo." I sharply said. "You're awake." He replied back. He knelt down on the bed and laid his hand on my head. I, however, quickly smacked his arm away and sent him a glare. "You promised me." I said upset. "Tiffany, I-" "No." I interrupted. "You promised me." I repeated. "I wasn't there at the time to help you. I was downstairs and I cou-" "You. Promised. Me." I turned around and placed my pink blanket above my head not wanting to see my brother's face any longer. "But hey..I'm here now right?" He spoke but I didn't reply.

I could feel him hesistating with guilt. He gently placed his warm hand on my shoulder and shook me softly. "Tiffany.." He sadly said. "Get out." I demanded. "Come on..don't be like that." "Get out." I repeated. "This is the last time I swear." "GET OUT!!" I screamed. I could tell it took him back. He retracted his hand from my shoulder and asked one last time. "Tiffany ple-" "I really don't want to talk to you right now." I said definitely. He sat down by my bed for a while in hopes I'd talk to him. But as time passed by we both were stubborn, and he finally got up. He walked towards the door and paused. "Please..at least hold up your end of the deal for me Tiffany. I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry." He spoke across the room. With no response, he whispered again, "Happy birthday Tiffany." I waited a while after he shut the door before lifting the blanket off my head. I sighed heavily trying to keep the tears from spilling. "I can't promise you anything.." I quietly said to myself as I rubbed my neck. Chatters were heard from outside my door. Voices whom I was sure belonged to my brother and sister. I couldn't hear them clearly but I knew they were talking about me. It was always about me. Tiffany this, Tiffany that. I sometimes wondered why they bothered to watch over me.

They say, if you look into someone's eyes..that you'll be able to know what they really feel about you. But when I looked into my siblings eye's..I could tell that I wasn't wanted. When I looked into my father's eyes, I saw the same thing. I didn't know why they hated me so much. They thought they were taking good care of me..but that's not the case here. Love..was not the way they treated me. The way they treated me..everything..everyday it would create a little scratch that would cut into my concrete heart that I desperately tried to put away. Until after years of tiny scratches that soon accumulated into a deep cut that pierced into the concrete I wrapped my heart around. To protect the inner most of myself. To protect myself from dying. "Die." My father's voice ringed in my head. "Just die." Those two words always repeated in my head day and night. Yet, why couldn't I do it? I scratched my neck in the same spot over and over again. However, I stopped when I noticed I couldn't control my hands. They were shaking. Shaking in fear. Shaking in sadness. Shaking in anger. Shaking in all the emotions I couldn't put out. My hands involuntarily shook the tears away that fell from my cheeks. For the next 5 minutes, I quietly sobbed alone in my room. Not being able to flush my emotions out, I held it in my heart's jar. Hoping that one day my jar wouldn't burst and break. The only two people left in my world, were already fading away. The only one left to talk to was myself. I had no friends, and no more family; as if I had one to begin with.

I rubbed my swollen tired eyes and wiped my tears away with my shirt's sleeve. I did a tiny little stretch before getting up and turning on my little lamp. Comfortably sitting on my desk chair, I opened the desk drawer revealing my one and only last comfort left -- my diary. ____________________________________ The bright full moon gave off an aura of it's moonlight shining down onto our backyard that was often called my world. Although tall wooden fences were protecting us all around, I felt the nice cool spring breeze pass as my short black golden hair flew up. My world wasn't very big. It consisted of my town and mainly my backyard in which I spend most of my time in. I had no interest of the rest of the world and was rather comfortable with where I was right now. My brother stretched out his hands before placing them behind his head to use as a pillow. The moonlight glistened on his face as he stared up into the night sky. "It's such a nice night today. As always." Jiwoong said as he admired the stars. I made a low 'mmhm' sound to reply back to his statement. "I..I love this town, you know? It may not be as great as other towns in the world, but I love it. It's my perfect world. And I try to appreciate it in every way." He said grabbing a handful of grass as he laid down. "From the grass..to our little Tree of Life," he continued to say as his hand raised up higher and higher. "To the roof of that house, to the beginning of where the horizon starts. Man, I love it all. I really do." His finger was pointing straight up to the sky. "Especially the sky. I love the sky." I whispered in a very quiet voice. "Pilot.." But with my ever listening brother, he heard it. "Aha yeah. I still want to be a pilot. Maybe even go sky diving. Who knows?" He chuckled. After enjoying some quiet silent moments, he suddenly stood up.

"How about we go..look at some stars? I'll get the telescope. I think tonight is the night we can see constellations." He cracked his back and went into the house to search for his telescope. I yawned as my eyelids became heavier. My brother has been obsessed with the sky and stars ever since..ever since that day. I don't blame him though. I think it's just his way of him dealing with my sickness. A little later, he came out with his prized telescope. He placed it appropriately in the middle of our backyard and adjusted it. "Pretty cool huh? I wonder which constellations we'll see today." Jiwoong smiled. I reflected his smile and looked up at the sky for any bright stars, pointing at one that was brightly shining at us. He looked through his telescope and after a while, told me to look in it as well. I adjusted my eyes as I immediately saw brightness spread throughout the scope. Jiwoong was telling me how happy he was that he found a star. A star that I could wish on. But I didn't say anything. Well.. I couldn't say anything. I wanted to tell him that stars were dead and were just massive, luminious sphere of plasma held together by gravity, and that it would do nothing to aid my cancer. Instead, I smiled at him. Pointing at the telescope and then pointing at him to come check it out himself. After a while, he took his eyes off the telescope and showed me his sparkling eyes that reflected the stars above. "Taeyeon..I found a constellation!" He excitedly said. I tilted my head to the side and raised my eyebrows asking him which one it was.

"I think..it's Leo the Lion constellation." His mouth was wide open as he tried to search for the rest of the connecting stars. He playfully pouted when he learned he would have to wait 2 hours to see the Lion's star tail. "Do you want to wait for the tail's star? So then we could look at the entire thing? Come on, it'll be great. It's not everyday you can see this constellation." I shrugged and nodded accepting his offer. He smiled and went back in the house to get blankets and food. He talked about how hard it would have to be to get a pilot's license and how he wanted to join the Air Force, but I had drifted to the dream world halfway on his story about the Blue Angels. ♥♥♥♥ I woke up to the smell of fresh eggs. It tempted my lazy butt to get up and go eat since I had forgotten to last night. I washed my face and made my way to the kitchen where my family were happily waiting for me. "Good morning Taeyeon." My mother said as she spotted me enter. "Mmhm." I responded. I spotted my brother helping my father out on the newspaper's daily crossword and took out my notepad. "Hmm?" My brother looked at the notepad I had written a question on. "Oh yeah. I saw the tail!" He giggled. "You fell asleep though, so I carried you back to your bed. I think I left my telescope outside though, I'll get it after breakfast." I glanced to our backyard and found sun shining on Jiwoong's telescope. I wanted to ask Jiwoong if sun on the telescope was a good idea, but I was too lazy to write my question down. So I decided to do him a favor and bring his telescope in. As my feet stood on the familiar feeling of the grass, I noticed something unfamiliar in my backyard. The small tree we had, or so my brother calls it the 'Tree of Life', had a bright pink

balloon stuck between it's young branches. At the bottom of the balloon's string was a little letter that was attached to it. It had neat legible writing on front that brightly said in pink, "Dear Mom"

Love Love Love

[ → My Balloon Girl ← ]

"Love Love Love"

02

____________________________________________________________________________

"There is no specific place to find love. Love comes to you in ways you would have never imagined."

"Dear Diary,

I'm writing this in my favorite color again. I hope my pen doesn't run out of the ink. Because if it runs out..then what will I do?

Dear diary. I'm sending you off to the world today. In hopes that maybe someone will read this and acknowledge my existence. Today was my birthday. Happy birthday to me. I wanted to go outside today. My childhood friend, Jessica, said she'll be in town today and hoped she could meet me. So I tried to sneak out, but my drunk father caught me and started to scold me. In the process, I somehow broke my mother's flower vase. Yay me.

The concept of being wanted by a father was foreign to me. Growing up, I felt unwanted by my dad. My mother died giving birth to me, so maybe he saw me as the cause of her death; I'm not sure. After she gave birth to me, she grew weaker and weaker by the day. We brought her to the best doctors in the world, yet no one could figure out what was wrong with her.

Until finally, the day came that she laid peacefully in her bed. With no one besides her but me. Telling me her final words that would be forgetten.

I never carried on a meaningful conversation with my dad. In fact, the only affection I remember came when I was nine years old: He put his arm around me for about thirty seconds while we were on our way to my mother's funeral. Besides that, the only other physical touch I experienced were the beatings I received when I disobeyed or bothered him.

My goal in our relationship was not to annoy my father. I would walk around the house trying to not upset him. But it seemed like no matter how hard I try to pretend I never existed, he always finds me.

Dear diary, I'm starting to run out of ink. I'm thinking of commiting suicide again. There's a

bottle of mood stablizers in my bathroom. Should I get it? Should I not?

Dear diary. Please respond. Should I meet you now, or wait and live my life? Dear diary, thank you for always being there. - Tiffany Hwang ♥"

I must have read the letter 50 times before realizing it was real. I flipped the letter all around to check if there was any address of where the letter might have came from. But the only information I had gotten from the letter was a name, Tiffany Hwang.

What an american name, I thought. I scratched my head and was unsure of what to do with the sudden letter. It sounded very sad and very pitiful. I had always thought this town was a happy place. Assuming that this girl, Tiffany, was inside the town with me. The letter seemed to be asking for help. If this letter was real, there could possibly be a suicide in our town. I wanted to respond, but how could I respond to a balloon letter?

"Hey, where'd you get the balloon?" My brother suddenly spoke behind me. I was startled and was quick to hide the little pink letter.

Unsure of what to answer, I shrugged my shoulders at him. He stared at my face for a while before brightly snapping out a random thought. "Ahh! It's for Haeyeon's return isn't it? But it's next week, isn't it a little early to get balloons?" Again, I shrugged my shoulder at him. This time, he mimicked me, chuckled, and left my room.

I let out a long sigh and plopped down onto my comfy bed. I reread the letter again and felt my heart suddenly develop stress for Tiffany. Whether she was real or not, she needed someone to acknowledge her existence. And I didn't think it was a coincidence it got stuck on my 'Tree of Life' on the way to heaven.

I decided to look more into the letter. In front where the envelope was, was written "Dear Mom". Seeing how it's a letter about her father and how it informed the death of her mothe, I assumed this was her suicidal letter. Perhaps, tied with a balloon that's going straight up, she meant to give his to her mom in heaven.

I found myself teary over the mysterious letter. I wanted to write back, but..how?

I looked over to the corner of my room where the pink ballon was tied onto my chair. Tugging on the string brought the balloon down as I inspected it all around. But it was just a normal pink balloon.

I sighed and suddenly felt sick. I felt as if something got lodged stuck in my throat. I started to hyperventiliate as I made abnormal high pitched sounds. Desperately trying to look for something to hold onto, I ended up collasping on the ground.

My mother, who happened to be passing by my room, found me gasping on the floor. She immediately dropped the cups of tea she had prepared and ran towards me calling the rest of my family.

I was in the mixture of coughing and wheezing. My mother had already grabbed my phone and the paramedics were on their way. She tried to pin me down on the floor to calm me down as the rest of my family tried to help me.

My lungs were acting desperate, gasping, trying to find a way to get oxygen. I didn't understand why my symptons suddenly turned up when I was doing fine just a while ago.

I didn't remember much that morning. I remember the horrible taste of blood in my mouth and the sobs of my family. People rushing all around me, sticking needles full of drugs in my arms. Remembering how I didn't feel like waking up. And remembering how the pink letter was still tightly held together in my hands.

There was a part of me that wanted to end it there, knowing that I would never have a normal life with larnyx cancer. But there was also a part of me that wanted to live.

To live for what?

That I didn't know.

____________________________________

"You're awake." He stuck his head out the small creak of the door, asking for permission to come in.

"What are you doing in here?" I rubbed my swollen tearless eyes.

As he welcomed himself in my room, I folded my hands together to cover my eyes, not wanting him to see my red eyes. It was pure silence for a moment, that I thought he suddenly left. I suddenly felt hands take over mine and pulling them away from my face.

"Again?" He frowned. I avoided his sorrowful eyes and tried to focus my attention elsewhere. When his pleasant smile took over my view.

"Dad isn't here. There's no reason to cry." His voice was soft and seemed to catch as he said it. I hated the word 'Dad'. Leo's hands made it's way to my shoulder as he brought me closer towards him.

The relationship between my brother and I was rather difficult to explain. I hated him yet I depended on him. I would push him away, but he always knew how to calm his little sister's heart down. Sometimes I'd wish he'd disappear along with my father, but sometimes I desperately ask him to stay. Our relationship was contrasting.

"I'm sorry we couldn't celebrate your birthday yesterday, D-" he paused. "He knows I'd take you

out somewhere on your birthday, so he kept me under the watch of our maids." I rolled my eyes at him thinking it was just an excuse.

"But he won't be back until late tonight, so we can sneak out. How about it? Didn't you want to go the beach? And visit Mom's grave?" He playfully nudged me trying to get my attention. "We can go meet Jessica." My eyebrows rose at the plan. My brother knew exactly what to say to get my attention.

"W...we can?" I asked quietly.

"Of course." He replied quickly. "So go call Jessica, or text her, or whatever. Get ready too. Just wait for me here, you know we can't be seen so we're going to sneak out through the garden." He stood up patting himself at the shoulder knowing he successfully got me into a good mood.

"I still hate you." I honestly said.

He made his way towards the exit and opened it. "Why would you hate the best brother in the world?" He grinned and left.

♥♥♥♥

"Why do you like the beach so much?" Leo stuffed his hands deep in his pocket trying to keep them warm from the cool beach breeze passing by us.

"You already know." I replied stretching my toes out, letting them get some fresh air, enjoying the feeling of the sand.

"You never gave me a direct answer though."

"Do I need to?" I walked a little closer to the shore where the sand had been freshly soaked. For now I wanted to just get through the day, keep swimming through the memories, and do my best

not to drown.

Leo rolled up his jeans and searched the beach for any sea shells, or at least pretending to. Anything to keep him busy, I thought.

I was spending a long time reminiscing the good memories that I had completely forgotten I was expecting someone. I felt cold, icy , delicate hands clasp my face leaving me momentarily blinded. But without a doubt, I knew there could only be one person.

"Jessica?" I brightly smiled as my heart fluttered in excitement.

The icy hands left my face and I turned around seeing no one other than, Jessica.

"Hey Tiffany!" She wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a warm hug. We must have spent 5 whole minutes hugging each other before we finally let go.

"I'm so glad you came." I thanked Jessica.

"Why wouldn't I come meet my bestest best friend?" She playfully smacked my shoulder. Leo ambled towards us, simultaneously waving at Jessica who happily waved back. "It's nice to see you again." He greeted. "It's great timing you're here. Tiffany has been feeling a bit down lately. I was hoping you could cheer her up." Jessica turned her head towards me, causing me to suddenly become untalkative. She knew about it, I knew about it, we both knew about it. And Jessica absolutely hated when I get depressed. "Is that so?" She raised her eyebrows at me. I knew this time I wouldn't be able to hide all my secrets as I've done before. "I think you should go home Leo, Tiffany and I are going to talk for a while." "We kinda..escaped from home." He nervously chuckled.

"I'll help her get back in, don't worry!" She added some special effects, acting all ninjalike, running around the beach leaving her footprints behind. Leo laughed and loosened up. "Okay, but bring her back before 9pm. That's when dad gets back." "Just leave it to me. Can't trust me?" Jessica acted emotionally hurt, frowning at the statement. "Ah, I'll just leave now." He turned around and ambled back to his car. Seeing his arm up in the distance, we waved back before going back into our world. A few moments after he left, Jessica started off slow, "I remember when you were so morbid and malevolent. It hurt me to see you like that." Looking down at the shadows the sun made, I caught a glimpse of Jessica stealing a glance and examining me closely. "Tiffany." My name rolled off her tongue like a lullably. "Yes?" I replied back. "You're..not like that anymore right?" I stopped the trail of footprints I was leaving behind and focused on the sandy ground. I didn't say anything. I didn't need to. Jessica understood me too well. Jessica stopped a couple feet in front of me and turned around with a sad expression. Jessica, my childhood best friend, knew just about everything about me. Although she didn't experience it herself, you could tell in the reflection of her eyes that she understood the pain you were going through. She deemed unapproachable, rather icy in a way, but I took the chance and she ended up becoming my life saver. Often saving me and encouraging me that suicide was not the option. "Did he abuse you again?" She cautiously asked.

I waited a while before shaking my head slowly. A habit I often did when lying. But of course, Jessica knew about it. Her hands traveled through my hair before she pulled me closer into a warm hug. In reaction, tears started to quickly drop. Jessica was my jar breaker, and at that moment I burst. "I want to be loved." I cried to Jessica. "Just like everybody else does." "Tiffany, you are an amazing person and it's a shame people can't see this. Tiffany, I bet you. If the world saw you, you would be loved the most." She let me cry into her shoulders and continued on. "But you can't cry yet. The world hasn't seen you yet." She gazed into my eyes for a while. "Tiffany, if you were to end your life now, how would we be able to go on our life adventure then?" It was a difficult task to try to listen to Jessica while crying, but I managed to do so. She has never failed to cheer me up. I could search every Jessica in the world and I would never find anyone as wonderful as my Jessica was. It wasn't quite dusk yet, it was summer so the sun stayed longer to shine on us. During the time we talked, Jessica explained that it was just a phase through life, and that she was proud of me for getting this far, and that she loved me so much. That put a stop in my suicidal plans, I didn't even care about the abuse anymore. I had a friend. "Do you remember Jongkook?" Jessica threw another stone into the calm waves ahead. I continued rewriting my name on the sand and replied, "Yeah." "Remember how everyone was so shocked to just suddenly see him go? How unexpected it was? We never thought he'd die in that horrible car accident. We all thought we would see him the next week, we all thought that we would see the same smile again." Jessica's words started to fade out. "I didn't even properly say good bye to him. I just said, "Okay, see you later." and he said "See you later." ...I didn't know that was gonna be the last time I would ever see him." That put a lump in my throat, I knew where she was going with this.

"I never told him I loved him." She said quietly. Her hand dropped to her side and over my shoulder. "Don't you dare suddenly disappear on me." She spoke with a serious tone. Her voice wavered in a way too, as if she was crying. "I won't." I responded. After all the good honest moments, she offered to buy me ice cream. After all, we didn't want to drown ourselves in sad memories. Jessica went in the store alone and walked out the door five minutes later weighed down by two large ice cream cones: one flavored Vanilla and one Strawberry. Her tongue glided over the soft creamy vanilla ice cream before handing me the strawberry cone. "How long are you staying in town Jess?" I asked. Jessica thought while looking at her ice cream cone. "I was originally just planning to visit, but apparently my parents are going back to America for their own summer vacation. So I may just stay here for the summer in my aunt's house." "That's great." I smiled. "How about your sister?" She shrugged and continued to eat. After we finished eating our dessert, our next mission was : Getting-Tiffany-Home-SafelyWithout-Her-Dad-Knowing. But of course we could even think of the mission, Jessica went back inside the store to buy some ice cream to hide in her aunt's fridge. I thought of a joke I eagerly waited to tell her, but when she came out of the store she was talking to someone else. My ears perked up, desperately wanting to hear in the conversation. Although Jessica usually had her mean icy look on, all I could see in her eyes were tears, and written all over her face was worry.

She hugged the guy who reflected her worrisome face, and left. She was holding the ice cream tub in her hands, It made me wonder if her icy hands we're okay getting any colder. It was absolute silence in the car as she drove me home, I was unsure of whether I should say something or not. "What's wrong?" I autiously asked. "Just met an old friend of mine at the ice cream shop." "Oh.." I faded off. "Well uh, why are you so sad looking then?" "I just..I just feel so bad for him. Apparently, his little sister has larnyx cancer--" "Larnyx cancer?" I repeated in a question. "Err it's cancer of the voicebox. Anyways, his sister has larnyx cancer, and she was doing fine for all these years..but apparently she's been hospitalized." "Oh." I said. I couldn't think of anything else to say. "I feel bad for him, he also has another sister that's suppose to come this week..they were suppose to put up a party to welcome her back but.." She made a slow stop in front of my house. "Guess they can't really do that right now.." She sadly said. We got out of the car and scanned the area. "All clear?" I asked. "All clear." She repeated. We gave each other a good hug and promised to meet again tomorrow. As I hopped over the tall brick fence, I saw something stuck on my room's roof deck. I walked slowly towards it, trying to make sure it wasn't anything harmful to me. But it was a balloon.

A bright blue balloon. Almost like the sky. And at the very end of the string was a note, just like mine. I tossed my shoes aside and ran towards it, trying to catch it before it faded away as if it was a dream. But it wasn't a dream. It was solid in my hands, I flipped it over and saw written on it : "Dear Pink Angel".

Just as I began seeing the way I could live, I didn't realize that someone was beginning to see the way they were going to die.

♥♥♥♥

Is it really magic?

[ → My Balloon Girl ← ]

"Is it really magic?"

03

____________________________________________________________________________ "The day you're born, you start to die."

For a pink angel:

I read a letter that was magically stuck in my Tree of Life that was also attached to a pink balloon drifting up and above to heaven. To whoever is reading this, I don't expect you to believe me. I don't expect anything at all, but I just didn't want that letter to be unreplied to. Even if this magically does happen to end up back to the pink angel's hands, in which I do pray and hope for, I just want my words to be out there. Whether it ends up washed away in the polluted ocean, or stuck in someone else's tree.

Dear Tiffany Hwang, a.k.a pink angel. My name is Kim Taeyeon. I don't know you, you don't know me. But I don't think it was a coincidence that I happen to receive your letter. Tiffany, I'm going to tell you up straight. You didn't kill your mother. It's sad to say, but everyone dies. It just depends on how they do so, but this one, was not your fault and will never be your fault. So please, don't blame yourself. Don't commit suicide. If you're looking for a sign not to commit suicide this is it. I understand being abused as a child is hard, and it may have changed who you are today, But don't let it change your future. I guarantee it Tiffany, I bet your mother wouldn't want you to visit her so early. If your life was a book, would you read it until the end? Or stop halfway? Live life out, no matter how hard it is. Because you have yet to experience the good things. I want to tell you something Tiffany, the difference between you and I.

You have a choice to live, I, however, do not. Keep the faith pink angel. And lastly, Happy Birthday. - Kim Taeyeon

♥♥♥♥

"I can't believe it." I said to myself keeping my mouth wide open in shock. I shut my eyes closed for a while, waiting to wake up from a dream. But it didn't happen. This was it. This was real. I ran inside into my bedroom and turned my bed lamp on. Parts of the letter fadedly bled through the other side of the paper. This was handwritten. I thought. Someone wrote this. Someone out there cares. The thought unconciously made myself smile. I reread the letter over a thousand times and felt my heartrate dramatically increasing. "Kim Taeyeon." The way the name rolled off my tongue felt smooth. I didn't notice it but I blushed at the beautiful name. Kim.Taeyeon.Kim.Taeyeon.Kim.Taeyeon.Kim.Taeyeon. I repeated in my head.

The bright blue balloon was neatly tied down to my chair, the letter secured in my grip. Resting against the bed frame, I focused at the letter and inspected it closely.

The handwriting was rather neat, and although it wasn't as girly as my handwriting, my i's with small hearts on top, I could easily tell that Kim Taeyeon was a girl. The way she spoke to me, hit me in a logical way. I was too busy celebrating the thought of someone caring, I completely forgot all the depression and sadness I had. This girl, who knew absolutely nothing about me, cared. She cared. And that made me happy.

I wanted to write back as soon as possible. But as I started to think on how to, reality came and burst through my bedroom door. "Stephanie." A deep angry voice thundered through the room. I hastily pocketed the blue letter and tensed my muscles up. Just by the tone of his voice, I knew this wasn't going to be good. "Answer me." He demanded. "Yes." I said. "Where were you today?" "Right here." Before I could finish my short sentence, he slapped me. Hard. I was glad I was sitting on my bed, or else I would have smacked my unrecovered head on the hard wooden floors. Hair covered my eyes as I tried not to cry again. My hand clasped the newly hurt cheek that burned with pain.

"You lying to me?" He spit out. I forced my already tired body and straightened my back. Usually, I would look away, or glare at him at the very most. But I was rather calm. Yes, it hurt. And although usually I would fight back or at least try to verbally, I gazed at my father's face for a while. "What the hell are you looking at?" He squeezed his eyebrows together and squinted at me. After a few quiet moments, I said something I've never said to him before. "I'm sorry." He remained still for a while, his hand positioned for another slap on my face. "What?" "I'm sorry." I repeated again. "I'm sorry, dad."

For a moment, he looked confused and paused. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He must have thought of this moment as ethereal, something that could only be imagined. I would always fight back. Always. Or at least usually, but something touched my heart today and I did not bother. He dropped his hand suddenly, shaking his head, and turned around without abusing me any further. To my amazement, he even closed the door peacefully. Which was rare. At times like this, he would either kick it open or slam it closed. I was as bewildered as he was. My fingers searched for the blue letter in my pocket and I thought, Is this how it feels to be fortunate? ♥♥♥♥ ____________________________________________________________________________

"Hi." I greeted Jiwoong as he shuffled through the door. He had a guilty expression on and I immediately wondered. "Hey, don't talk." He playfully poked my cheek and I frowned. "We can't afford you hurting your throat again. Even small words like that can hurt you." After poking my cheek, his fingers made it's way towards the top of my head as he slowly stroked my hair. He bit his lips and avoided eye contact. "I got the ice cream you wanted. But the doctors said you're not allowed to eat it." "It's o-" He hushed me and shook his head. "No talking. I'll be doing the talking, and eating your ice cream." He stuck his tongue out and grabbed a chair, pulling it closer to my side. "So I met Jessica today." He started off. Remembering how I was restricted of talking, I raised my eyebrows. "I met her at the ice cream store. The first thing she asked me was, "How's Taeyeon?". It sucked telling her too. Apparently she's going to be in town the entire summer. She first came here to visit another friend and was suppose to surprise you tomorrow morning. But.." He leaned his head in and scratched the back of his neck. "I told her about your condition and she said she would visit tomorrow here." I grabbed a notepad and pen that was neatly organized to my side and began writing. "But I don't want her to see me like this." It read. "Well, when do you want her to see you? When you're dead?" The moment he finished his sentence, he widened his eyes and opened his mouth a little, realizing what he just said. He immediately started, "No. I'm sorry that's not what I meant Taeyeon." But it was too late. I pushed him off his chair and threw my notepad at him. "Taeyeon listen." He pleaded.

Despite the pain that occured when I breathed heavily, I told him in the loudest voice I could do, "Get out." Jiwoong, able to see the anger I held in my eyes, tried to recollect his thoughts before apologizing and leaving me alone. I scratched my neck a little and stared outside the window that separated the room from an enclosed structure to a wonderful night, wondering if the pink angel ever received my letter.

____________________________________________________________________________ "Taeyeon." Jiwoong cautiously peeked his head through the door, afraid I still held some grudge since last night. "Jessica is here to see you." I had quick eye contact with Jiwoong before nodding my head in approval. He opened the door for the blonde girl and another one , whom I did not see, that was quietly following behind. Expecting a huge bear hug coming from Jessica, I braced myself and closed my eyes, only to find Jessica's smiling face only inches away from mine. "Long time no see Taengoo." She gently spoke. "They told me.." Her hands laid flat on mine. "..not to strain you physically or anything. And that you can't talk either.. Which is fine since I've had so many things I've wanted to share with you! All you have to do is listen." She chuckled. As she went to find a chair to position next to me, I gazed upon another unintroduced individual in the room. "Who's..that..?" I spoke in my hoarse damaged voice. "I thought you weren't suppose to talk?" "Long..sentences." I say.

"Oh." She pointed at the angelic dark haired girl and said, "This is Fany. Also a childhood friend of mine. After you stopped going to school, leaving me all hopeless and alone..I made friends with this little angel here." She blushed and bowed towards me, in which I weakly raise my hand and acknowledge her. "Fany, This is Taengoo bear." Her index finger pointing at me. "Taengoo bear?" She said. Her voice is absolutely perfect. I secretly thought. If only I could have a voice like her again..The way my name rolls off her ton"C-Can I call you TaeTae?" She interrupted my thoughts. "Tae..Tae..?" I repeated. I spoke quietly in a low voice, hoping my deep damaged voice wouldn't scar her ears. "TaeTae." She responded. "Then..what do I call..you?" I dragged the last word in the sentence in which Tiffany answered. "You can call me..Tiffany." "Tippani...?" I tried copying, suddenly remember how long it took me to say Jessica's name correctly. She shook her head. "Tiffany." "Tippany." "Fany will do." "Pany." "Close enough."

As I tried to repeat her name, I gravelly coughed causing my body to rock painfully. Jessica dashed to my side and lightly patted my back. "Should I get the nurse?" She suggested. I shook my head saying no and waved my hand saying I was fine. "I think you should stop talking now. If you need to tell us anything, snap your finger and write it down on your notepad, okay?" I took a frail breath and nodded. Jessica, quick to put the bad things aside, began talking about her experience in the city. Tiffany, who was uncomfortable at first, sat on the opposite side of Jessica, commenting on some subjects, continously glancing back at me from time to time. Most of the time I had my eyes closed, but everytime I would open it I'd see Tiffany hastily look away. I didn't think of it that much, I was too tired to. But when I woke up, Jessica and Tiffany were long gone. My room empty with the sunlight coming in. Except for the small pink balloon that was stuck in the window sill. The same exact pink balloon I had gotten from my tree of life. Curiousity killed me more than my cancer was. I forced my fragile body towards it. Step by step, I slowly made it closer. With the pink balloon in front of me, It was then I realized that, No. This wasn't magic. I tugged at the string and found a neatly folded letter attached to the end. This was something more than that. I brought the letter closer to me, reading it, it said, "Dear Blue Angel."

This wasn't a coincidence. From: Pink Angel

This was fate.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Speaking through words

[ → My Balloon Girl ← ]

"Speaking through words"

04

____________________________________________________________________________ "Pictures are really worth a thousand words, but you..you're indescribable."

The door gently shut as Jessica let go of the knob. She breathed in a heavy sigh knowing we made it out as stealthily as possible without disturbing Taeyeon's sleep. Afterwards, Jessica took my hand and lead me out of the hospital. The automatic doors opened as we exited and met a familiar face. "Oh, Jessica hello. Did you just visit Taeyeon?" He had a small brown bag full of what I saw; pencils and paper. "Ah, hello." She made sure to give a small bow before speaking again. "Yes, I just visited Taeyeon. I talked to her and told her a bunch of stories, I think she got bored and fell asleep." Jessica chuckled. "She's sleeping now." "That's good." He turned to face me and introduced himself. "Hello, you're..?" "Tiffany." I shined. "Tiffany Hwang, nice to meet you." Extending out a hand for a formal handshake, I retracted it quickly noticing his hands were full and bowed instead. "I'm sorry." He apologized. "Carrying some stuff you see." He said lifting up the bags. "Taeyeon can't talk, or rather doesn't want to talk because she's afraid her voice scares people. So she writes instead. It's her way of speaking through words you see." "Y'know. I still kept her notes she wrote to me everyday." Jessica piped up beginning a new conversation with Taeyeon's supposedly older brother. "Wow, really? Did you keep all of them?" "Yep!" Jessica smiled before continuing the conversation. I got lost within 5 sentences of their conversation as I did not know what they were talking about. I did not share any memories with Taeyeon and felt as it was perfect for me to just stand

and listen. I peeped into his bag and found a blue envelope that camoflauged with the bright sky above. It reminded me of the blue angel that written to me, and sparked a sudden idea to write back. "H-hey." I hesistantly interrupted their conversation. "Sorry but..do you mind if I have some of your paper? And a pencil? Just for now, while you guys talk." He considered my idea before handing me the utencils I requested for. They both went back inside the hospital to chat a little more, I decided to stay outside not comfortable with the depressing atmosphere the hospital gave me. Next to the hospital was a garden for sick patients to enjoy. It was a beautiful sunny day and with nothing to do, I decided to stroll around and find a place to write. After ambling around for a couple moments, I sat down and laid the paper on my lap. I flicked the pencil, once, twice, thrice, clicking my tongue every so often, wondering what to write. The realistic fact that the chances this would go back to the Blue Angel was next to zero, but I felt it better to reply even if it was read or not. Besides..I bet our life could be some romantic TV show if we do end up talking like this. I thought chuckling at a sudden fairytale story. After relaxing my mind for a while, I began to write.

♥♥♥♥ For a Blue Angel,,

I can't help but wonder, will this letter ever reach you? Or is this fate just playing games on us? Nevertheless, I will continue to write.

Do you know my mom? Did you fall from heaven? Did she ask you to watch over me? If so..tell her I said Thank you..because..I think you're the best thing that ever happened in my life. Sorry I couldn't break your fall from heaven! Hehe. Am I being too weird? I just can't express how happy I am through words. It's pretty hard. But I just want to get to the point. Thank you so much, Kim Taeyeon, for answering my letter. And Thank the lord that it came back to me. I was so close to committing suicide, so close. And you stopped me right in time! How will I ever pay you back? I'm still hoping this isn't a dream. I really hope that magic does exist, and fate and stuff like that. I'm afraid to put anything personal on my letter, just in case my doubts are true, and I'm being played with. But Taeyeon, I know, I just know, that this letter will come back to your hands. And when it does, I want to take this a step further. Here's my number : 892 - 838- 1290 Text me? I know it's kind of weird..but I trust you. I want you to text me something you told me in your first letter, just so I know it's you. Please? Please do this for me. - Tiffany Hwang, A.K.A Pink Angel

I stared at the letter harshly, finally regretting those days I never bought a phone. With the letter in my hands, someone opened the door and I quickly glanced back. "Taeyeon!" Jiwoong shrieked. "What are you doing up?!" Too frightened to talk, I stood still. He marched over to me and gave me a hug. "You're suppose to rest..how are you suppose to get well for Haeyeon's return..?" I felt a tingle in his grip and realized he was shaking. In reflex, I hugged him back and dug my head in his neck, quietly mumbling an apology.

He retracted back and smiled before leading me back to the hospital bed. When I laid down, he noticed the pink balloon in the corner. "That balloon again?" He stood up and walked over. He grabbed it and tugged it towards me. "I thought your favorite color was blue?..Wait.." His eyes roamed all over the place. But he squinted and focused his attention on me. I gulped only feeling a burn in my throat and coughing. He broke his concentration and sat by my side. He reached out for my hands, but felt a piece of paper instead. "What's this?" He asked. Quickly, I hid the paper underneath my body. "Heey! That's not fair! What is it?" I shook my head rapidly, almost giving me a spinning headache. He pouted and frowned. I stuck my tongue out and pretended to go to sleep. I could hear him sigh, but I knew he was smiling. "Alright, you win this time. Grrrr! Guess I'll eat that ice cream all by myself.." I shot my eyes back open and frowned. "Ah, just kidding just kidding!" Around this time, a door knock sounded. Shortly after, my mother popped her head in the door and said my name. [♥♥♥]

"Dude." I glanced at Jessica with a 'what' face. Her hair was in a messy bun and her eyes reflected how tired she was. Her eyebrows slanted in a way as she stared at me. The soft breeze blew through her white T-Shirt and blue skirt. The wind blew unwanted pieces of hair in my face and I shook my head trying to get them out of the way. "Yuh?" I replied dusting off sand on my lap before resuming back to eat the strawberry flavored ice cream cone.

"Did something happen?" She asked seriously. "What do you mean?" I replied. "I mean, since the hospital visit you've been kindaa....unusual?" "What do you mean?" I repeated. I knew she was trying to sugarcoat her point. "Just tell me." "I mean, after talking with Jiwoong oppa for a while, I remembered you were at the garden..so I went outside and found you weren't there. I searched all over the place for you." She licked her dry lips and continued. "Then suddenly I bumped into you at the gift store and you had a balloon. Then you ran away again..Then came back really happy. And I mean..really happy." She eyed me suspiciously. "What's up?" "I was happy cause it was a pink balloon..duh." I lied not sure how Jessica would react to me sending letters through balloons. But she smiled and nudged me softly. With her best friend instincts, she told me she knew I was lying. "Come on..what's there to hide? You can tell me anything Tiff, ya know that right?" "I know.." I stared back at my ice cream. "but there really isn't anything to hide." "You sure?" "I'm sure." "Alright." She said dismissing the topic. "Anyways, what'd you think of my friend Taeyeon? She's a lot more talkative than that, if it wasn't for the cancer.." She said sadly. "I think she's cute." I blurted out unconciously. Jessica smiled and teased me a little, but I looked up at the sky and wondered for a while.. "Wait what'd you call her?" I asked. "What you mean..like..her nickname Taengoo Bear?"

"No no no. I mean, her name." "Oh, it's Taeyeon. Kim Taeyeon." I watched the name roll off her tongue. She continued talking about her fond memories about Taeyeon, but I lost interest after that. Kim Taeyeon? Why does the name seem so.. So important?

♥♥♥♥

Metronome

[ → My Balloon Girl ← ]

"Metronome"

05

____________________________________________________________________________ "I can't afford to go slow, because unlike you, time is something I don't have."

Another force crawled up my throat, making me cough heavily. I turned her head and coughed on the side, away from my brother's body. From the edge of my eyes, I saw my brother's physiognomy darken. I tried to smile for him, but I knew it wouldn't assuage his emotions. "I've decided that I'll be an astronaut instead." He spoke. I shot him a perplexed stare. With my small pale hands, I imitated an airplane and quietly grumbled an engine sound. He did the same thing and crashed into my hand before taking it into his. "I know, I know. I wanted to be a pilot but, I realize that being a pilot isn't going to be high enough to reach the stars and get us a wish." He pulled my hand up, now modeling it into a rocket. I watched him play with my hands. He lifted them again and swung them around. "Vroom Vroom." He said. I closed my eyes and suddenly began to imagine my brother as an astronaut. If he could do that, could he really wish upon a star? Would he be high enough so that angels could hear us? ...But aren't angels also on earth? A pink balloon flew into my mind. Haven't I met one already?

Thinking about that angel named Tiffany, I remembered the number she had written down. I faced my brother again and pointed at the notepad. He swiftly grabbed it and placed it gently on my lap. I proceeded to write. He looked at it and then questioned, "A cellphone? Why do you want a cellphone all of a sudden?"

I tried to make up an excuse, abruptly remembering Jessica, I wrote something down again. "Oh, to contact Jessica?" I nodded. He seemed curious for a while before shrugging it off. He got up, cracked his back and knuckles, and then smiled. "Alright, I'll get you a cellphone."

♥♥♥♥ A sudden shockwave of pain struck my right foot as I stomped onto the ground below. I clenched my teeth to prevent me from yelping in pain. I rushed, limping most of the time, back into my bedroom. I shut the door behind me and rested. Before I could even move, my door swayed open. I stood still as a statue as my father stepped into the view. He grunted, his usual expression towards me, and looked down. "Come downstairs." He commanded. My heart felt heavy. He would only come to my room if I had did something wrong. Oh crap! Sweat prickled down my forehead. A lump was rising in my throat. Did he find out I've been going out with Jessica? I swallowed, hoping it would take my nervousness away. He began to retreat behind the door. He then said, "Dinners ready." The door shut quietly and gently, completely unlike his nature. I blinked. Once. Twice. Thrice. Did he really just invite me to dinner?

I started to wonder if everything was just a dream.

I walked downstairs slowly, simultaneously gliding my fingers across the wooden railings. I turned the corner once the stairway ended and found myself looking at my family sitting down at our dining table. My father sat at the very end with a solo seat with my brother sitting by him on the opposite side of my sister. There were 3 other empty chairs. I cautiously sat down next to my brother, leaving two other seats empty. I stared at the end seat, suddenly realizing I was forgetting what my mother looked like... "Tiffany." My father half-shouted half-whispered. "Will you say grace?" Michelle and Leo folded their hands and bowed their head. I sat there with a million thoughts running through my mind. I hadn't really eaten with my family because my father never allowed me too. They would all eat together. I'd wait until they were done. Then I'd come downstairs and eat their leftovers. I never knew the routine and I wasn't quite sure how to say 'grace'. I stared at the empty chair even longer. Eventually, my brother took the lead and said it for me. Dinner then started.

♥ "Here," He sneaked me a piece of his burger. "Eat up before mom and dad come back home!" He placed the sloppy dish people called a 'hamburger' by my lips. I opened wide and took a bite. I was suppose to be on a diet, considering how my lungs seemed to be infecting other parts of my body as well, but I was hungry and craving. My brother took pity and helped me eat secretly. The door started beeping. My brother stuffed the burger into my mouth and chugged down my nasty seaweed soup. Right as my mother stepped in, he placed the bowl onto the table.

"Oh? You ate the soup. That's good." My mother smiled. Jiwoong nudged me and winked. I gave a faint smile. "As a reward for finishing the soup, I got you something Taengoo." She placed her shopping bags next to me and ordered me to look through it. I opened it and found myself looking at a brand new phone. It wasn't anything grand. I didn't want to be selfish and make my parents buy me a phone worth hundreds considering how I only wanted it for one reason. They knew all I wanted to do was text, and so they got me one with a big keypad. I gave them a big smile and jumped up to hug them. Mother and Jiwoong got into a cute argument over washing the dishes before I escaped into my room to get the letter with a pink angel's phone number. Often times, I played with Jiwoong's phone, so technology like this wasn't new to me. Other than saving Jessica's number, I saved my new given number under the name, "Angel". Though she had clearly written her name down and signed it, I felt it wasn't appropriate for what she had done for me. Now..how would I start off the conversation? ♥ The floors creaked underneath my feet when I was on my way back to my room upstairs when I saw a small glim of light shining. It was my father's study room. It creaked open just a tiny bit, which was new to me. I knew he wanted privacy and would always close it. Sometimes even lock it. I stopped walking and looked at the door. I wanted to thank my father for doing something I wasn't allowed to do before. And the open door seemed like an invitation. I stepped back down and walked towards the door, giving it a slight knock.

"Come in." He immediately answered. Its as if he knew I was going to knock. Was he waiting for me? I peeked my head through, not daring to step inside. I couldn't bring myself to look at him in the eyes as fear once shook my body. "T-Thank you..f-for l-letting.." Before I could finish my sentence, he replied. "You're welcome. Anything else?" I noticed a certain photo neatly placed on the middle of his desk. It was a photo of my mother. Forcing myself to look at him in the eye, I noticed his red, puffed-up eyes. His mouth twiched and for a second, I thought I saw grimace. Suddenly the idea of my father being a complete monster was gone. Even after the beatings I had received from him, the threats, I knew deep inside, he was still my father. But I would never understand his position. Not until I understand love anyway. With my utmost courage, I told him again. "No, thank you." Then I saw him do something I had never seen him do before. He cried. It scared me a little. I had always seen my father as a uptight frightening man who solved problems with violence. It confused me, seeing him, a grown man, sob. Fathers weren't suppose to cry. With his voice breaking he told me, "I miss your mother." I held onto the doorknob, leaning my entire weight on it but careful not to open the door too much. I wasn't quite sure what to say. I hesistated and replied quietly, "Yeah......me too." He cried some more and I decided to leave his presence. I wasn't quite ready to hug him. I couldn't imagine what his reaction would be. I felt we weren't ready to forgive each other that way yet. His sobs echoed throughout the house and into my room.

Lying awake in bed that night, I thought about my past and tried to remember any fun times. I found myself giggling a moment later at embarrassing moments that happened to me. Just as I began to fall asleep..my phone rang shortly. I received a message. My LED clock shined in the darkness of that room. It was still early technically, 9 o' clock it read. I wondered on who it could be, perhaps it was Jessica texting me our plans for tomorrow. We never got tired of each other, and as she lived in the city for the last couple years, we still had a lot to catch up on. Drowsily, I grabbed my phone and squinted at the bright screen. An unknown number. Bored and already awake, I pressed on the message. It began with Dear Pink Angel, Dear Pink Angel... ......I already don't like this. I can't write in blue like I always do! How do you change the color?! Well. I think you've noticed by now, it's your dear blue angel. I got your letter and number. I guess we don't have to send balloons anymore huh? I don't think it's no coincidence we continually got each other's letters..it's a miracle. And things happen for a reason right? I want to be friends with you more, Tiffany. My name is Taeyeon. Kim Taeyeon. I don't know what else to write...please reply? Oh and please don't call me...

Taeyeon. That name again. It seems so familiar but it stuck to the back of my head. The message arrived roughly 4 minutes ago. Was she still awake? Quickly, I texted back a reply and saved her number. I can't believe it's really you! I'm glad my phone number went to you instead of some old creep. How come I can't call you? I want to formally introduce myself, but I feel like we're already friends. It's weird. You can call me Tiffany just fine, and I'll call you Taeyeon. No more Blue Angel or Pink Angel?

Just as I sent the text, another message came in. Hey it's Jess, tomorrow we're going on a three-way-date-kinda-thing. Remember my friend we visited at the hospital? She got discharged and I totally want to hang out with her. You know she was my best friend before I met you! So I'm sure ya'll will get along just fine. Well anyways, yeah, we'll meet up at lunch. Okie? Night Night.

I replied a simple confirmation to Jessica and waited for Taeyeon's reply. Five, Ten, Fifteen minutes later and still no reply. Maybe she fell asleep? Whoever she was though, I wanted to desperately meet her. Afterall, she did save my life. I texted again, Hey...I know we haven't talked much but..you're really close to me, already...does that sound creepy? Well anyways, I was hoping we could...meet up? If I can't call you, I'll meet you! How about it...tomorrow? At lunch? I know you don't really know me but..I hope we can change that.

Surprisingly enough, I got a quick reply.

I would love too..for me, I feel the same. But I'm busy tomorrow at lunch...

Then it came into my mind, I was suppose to hang out with Jessica tomorrow. Oh..suddenly remembered i had something to do too..that's okay. But why can't I call you..? I want to hear the voice of the angel that saved me.

A message came in. When we meet, you'll see. It saddened me that she didn't want to call. But I was happy that I was able to text her. I wasn't quite sure of what to call our relationship considering how I've never met her, how she's never met me, but we know about each other that my family, and I'm guessing her family too, don't even know about. I began to feel tired again and I lay my phone down on my side. But even the tingling feeling I got after finally being able to talk to someone freely, happily kept me awake. I texted her again hoping she was still awake. Then I realized I had one unread message I had never seen by her. It read, I hope you don't mind me asking but...why did you want to commit suicide that day?

That day.. it was my birthday. I had thought my father would be nice enough to let me roam around the town with my brother, but I just vaguely remember being in pain that day..physically and emotionally. I texted her back, hoping to delay her questions.

I'll tell you when we meet. :) Taeyeon: Alright...I promise we'll meet soon. But anyways..it's 10pm and I can't sleep...help.. Tiffany: Actually, the trick to falling asleep is trying to stay awake. Taeyeon: How does that work? Tiffany: When my mother was still strong enough to work, she used to work late through the night and sleep through the day..so the only time we'd ever get to talk about anything is when she'd get home. So what I used to do, I used to lie in my bed and try to stay awake as long as I could, but it never worked because the harder I'd try, the faster I'd fall asleep. Taeyeon: That letter...it was for your mom wasn't it? Tiffany: It was. But moving on, sometimes she'd come home early, and I'd pretend to be asleep. She'd stand in the doorway looking at me...and I'd just keep my eyes shut. And I knew she just wanted to find out about my day - that she came home early...just to talk to me. And I still wouldn't move...I'd pretend to just be asleep.

We had been texting for almost two hours. With my eyelids heavy I sent my last text of the night.

I don't know why I did that.

I woke up the next day and got ready to hang out with Jessica again. My father was at work as usual and I snuck out back and into the streets waiting for Jessica to pick me up. I checked my phone for any new messages from Taeyeon, but there wasn't any. The last of our conversation was the text I sent before I slept. Maybe she fell asleep too? I couldn't blame her. Just then Jessica's familiar car drove into scene. Her blonde tied up hair was visible through her dark tinted window. I looked closer and realized she wasn't in the car alone. That must be her friend. I thought. She slowed down the car and stopped in front of me. She unlocked the doors and allowed me in. I hugged her from behind her chair and did our usual greeting. "So Tiff, meet my friend, Taengoo bear." The girl gave a playful frown. Jessica chuckled and corrected herself. "Naw, just kiddin'. Her name is Taeyeon. Taeyeon, this is Tiffany." She seemed so familiar..her name..her face..and I noticed that she too, seemed to have recognized me. Jessica drove off and away from home and continued talking. I stared at Taeyeon with the reflection of the side mirror. She had a cute little band aid on her throat. "Oh, I forgot to tell you Tiff." She spoke while waiting for the stop light. "Taengoo bear here is a little special."

The girl looked back at me and I focused on Jessica instead. "What do you mean?" "Well, she's a great listener." She laughed. "I don't get you?" "Well, my friend here, can't talk you see. She has cancer of the voicebox. Well, she can talk but she prefers not to. But she doesn't like her voice anymore." The old text message from last night came into my mind.."Please don't call me." I stared in suspicion. What were the odds that this girl was named Taeyeon,the same as my blue angel? I examined her closely, noticing a blue phone cupped in her hands. I decided to try to rise my suspicion. I texted Taeyeon and waited. Just a few moments after I pressed send, the girl's phone lit up with my name on the screen.

______________________________________________________

The Words I can't say

[ → My Balloon Girl ← ]

"The Words I can't say"

06

____________________________________________________________________________ Living is not breathing, but doing.

A vibrating feeling rocked my small palms as I looked down. A text message from Tiffany.

G'morning!

The text was simple, but it was enough for it to brighten up my day. I replied back and kept watch on my phone screen for a reply. The girl behind me, she was watching me, and I knew it. It was bothering me in a way. Her name was... Another text came in. Did ya know if you say orange out loud it sounds like gullible?

"Orange.." I whispered. Jessica glanced at me and asked if I was okay. I nodded and smiled. I replied back.

Alright..you got me..anyways..how has your morning been so far?

I didn't get a reply.

♥♥♥♥

I suddenly found it hard to swallow, as if I completely forgot how to. We dove under an overpass and obeyed the law by stopping for 3 seconds. I saw something flash in Taeyeon's eyes. I stuffed my phone away and fixed my posture. "So..Taeyeon." I spoke up. She did the same as I did before and looked back with a kind smile. "How do you..talk with people? Do you know sign language?" She wanted to answer, but Jessica did for her. "She knows sign language, but she doesn't use it. Because.." Taeyeon began to gesticulate something. My guess was, she was using sign language. Jessica watched Taeyeon's hands closely and translated it back. "It took her years to learn sign language, and she knows how difficult it could be. So she didn't want to trouble her family into learning it either. Besides. She can still talk." "And you can read sign language?" I said. She unconciously nodded as she pulled into a parking space. "Yeah, I was the one who told Taeyeon to start learning it anyways. We attended classes together - well until I left anyway." The roar of the engine burned out and soon we were all staring at the gaudy blue sea. Taeyeon smiled, tugging on Jessica's light cardigan, almost like a little kid. She pointed far out into the utopia, but Jessica had others plans. "We can go there later, but for now, let's eat. I'm sure you guys haven't ate yet." She twirled her car keys around her fingers before stuffing them into her pocket. "There's a cafe just down the road, heard it's pretty good!" She grinned. "You know what I'm gonna get today?" She began walking. We followed after with Taeyeon cautiously by my side. "What?" I answered. "Fat." Jessica chuckled. "I'm getting fat today." I rolled my eyes at her dumb joke and continued the pace.

We were seated by the window in a circular way. Which was good - at least for me. I would have been awkward if I had to sit in front of Taeyeon and continually stare at her. The restaurant used it's spectacular view of the ocean to lure in customers. Though the cost of the food was a little too expensive, the view was undeniably worth it. The waiter placed our drinks on the table and waited for us to order. "So what do you guys want to eat?" Jessica spoke up, leading the conversation. I skimmed through the menu really quick before deciding. "The sandwich looks pretty good. I think I'll get that..." "Alright, I'll get the blueberry pancakes." The waiter nodded and smiled. He turned to Taeyeon, awaiting her answer. Taeyeon fidgeted around nervously, darting her eyes rapidly all over the menu. She looked down, obviously anxious. "Taeyeon?" Jessica called. "What do you want to eat?" Taeyeon couldn't bring herself to look at me in the eyes, so she looked at my menu instead. She did something with her hands again - god knows what - and Jessica explained. "She wants the same thing you got." She clarified. "Make that two sandwiches please."

♥♥♥♥ We were eating silently, savoring the delicious food we had ordered. We came in a little before lunch and by now the cafe was completely full. Everybody was chattering noisily, enjoying their time at the cafe. But none of us had said anything since we had gotten our food. Jessica was right, she was gonna get fat today. She was busy chowing down her food that I had no one else to talk to. I wanted to talk to Taeyeon and ask her about those letters..but I wasn't sure how to bring it up.

"Ah, man, that was good. But I think there's room for dessert, yes?" She grinned. "How about it? My treat again. Ice cream?" Taeyeon and I nodded. "Alright, how about you stay here Taeyeon? The ice cream stand is a little far, wouldn't want to tire you out." She nodded. "Alright, vanilla like usual eh?" Taeyeon settled herself down by the sand looking for seashells as Jessica and I walked to the ice cream stand. She spoke to me, suddenly in English. "It's weird." She began. "What do you mean?" "Taeyeon." "What about her?" Jessica stuffed her hands in her pockets, looking for some loose change to give to a poor bystander. "It's the first time in years she suddenly used sign language again. Even I was surprised when I saw her hands moving.." "What's wrong with that?" "Huh? Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it..I was just..surprised. You don't suddenly do things you haven't done in years randomly." We arrived at the stand and she began ordering. "Maybe there's a reason." I pointed at the strawberry flavor and the large waffle cone. Jessica stretched out and yawned. "Yeah maybe..." We stopped talking as our tongues were busy licking the soft creamy ice cream. For a moment, I had a sudden urge to reveal my secrets to Jessica and how I had a big suspicion Taeyeon wasn't just another person. But with years of being with Jessica, I knew what her reaction would be. She would definitely think I'm strange.

We arrived back and found Taeyeon in the same exact spot we left her. We played around in the sand for a short while, but being the grown-ups we already were, we got bored quickly. The sun was still out, blazing and tanning our skins, that the Ice Princess was melting. "Agh, I'm going to go put the A/C on my car. I'm not gonna leave you guys..but when you're done just come back to the car so we can go somewhere cool. Like the mall or something." Her LED watch showed the time perfectly. "It's only 2, so we still gotta bunch of time. Take your time kiddos. Bond or something." "Wait! How am I suppose to..." By the time I looked behind me, she was already gone. "-talk to her..." I mumbled. I was kind of glad Jessica left, because I wanted to talk to Taeyeon alone to finally get rid of my suspicions completely. I felt a small poke on my forearm and I looked to be faced with Taeyeon. Her stare was intense and dreamy. She poked me again, trying to broach a conversation. With my full attention, she pointed at the sand this time. Her fingers dug into the soft grainy sand as she began to write something. The wind from the ocean would blow away some letters, and it exasperated Taeyeon. She wrote with her hand this time, clearing away the unwanted dust from her letters, but I still couldn't read it. She sighed and gave up. She took her phone and began punching in some numbers. She brought her phone up to her ears and stared at me. I was wondering what she was doing when suddenly my phone began to ring. I didn't bother looking at the caller, because I believe I knew exactly who it was. ".......Hello?" I said. Taeyeon had her phone on speaker mode. For a moment, I saw Taeyeon's mouth twitch up into a small grin. I repeated myself again. "....Hello?"

And this time, I heard it come from Taeyeon's phone.

No, I didn't drop my phone like what people did in the movies. I didn't gasp out loud or anything. I didn't do anything actually. Except I began to smile. My smile pervaded my face as I began to slowly laugh. She ended up laughing too, though her laugh sounded rough and forced. "...Blue angel..?" I whispered to her. The wind blew and lifted a few strands of her hair off her face. She nodded and spoke quietly. "Pink angel." We didn't say anything to each other for an hour or so. As a matter afact, we just stared at each other, filling each other up with silent happiness. We noticed how the sun moved across the sky quicker than we expected. Suddenly I remembered about Jessica and wondered if she was still waiting for us. I rushed to her car and found her in deep asleep in the backseats. I knocked a tune at the window and she slowly started to stirr. "Wake up Jung Jessicat." I yelled into the window. She lazily unlocked the doors and invited us in. A cool gust of air welcomed us as we got inside the car. Suddenly, it became chilly. "Let's go to the mall." I told her. I knew shopping would keep Jessica busy for a good amount of time, and I wanted to use it to try to know about Taeyeon a little more. Jessica didn't budge, but whined. "C'mon let's go!" I said shaking her. ".....Ugh....you drive." She responded in a sleepy tone. "What? Why me?" I was nervous, remembering the last quandary I had when I last driven.

"I'm still sleepy..I can barely keep my eyes awake. Come on..cut me some slack.." She yawned. "The keys already in." Before I could get Taeyeon to agree not for me to drive, she buckled her seatbelt in and gazed at me expectedly. "Woah woah woah Jessica, I think you're forgetting what happened last time you let me drive.." She grunted. "That was totally the deer's fault." "No! I hit the deer with my car! Y'know, that's one reason I can't go outside and drive my car anymore!" "None of that is on you. Blame the zookeepers for not keeping him locked up properly." Before I could say anything she shouted in a friendly tone. "Now drive peasant."

We arrived safely, barely making it through the mid-day traffic. I purposely parked in the shadows of a tree. Though it was far away, I didn't like the humid air that would accumuluate in the car after the shopping spree. Jessica however, complained. "Geez, why'd you park so far? You know how much I buy after shopping sprees..I can't carry them all the way here!" She groaned. I tossed her the keys and she caught it with ease. "Yeah yeah, I'll carry them for you afterwards. I want to.." I glanced at Taeyeon who was looking at the ground with a bored face. "..bond with your friend. That's all. So you can go ahead." She grinned happily. "I knew you guys would get along with each other. Well if that's the case, I'm off. I'll call you guys when I'm done. Have fun!"

After 5 minutes of hanging out with Taeyeon, I quickly noticed shopping wasn't her forte. She looked tired and didn't walk around as much. I decided to bring her to the food court to allow her to rest. I ordered her some food and sat her down. "Is it weird?" I asked her not expecting a reply. She raised her eyebrows up asking what I meant. "I-I mean...Us..Are we weird? This is the first time I've met you yet I feel like..like I can tell you anything.." She pointed at me, her, then nodded. "You feel the same..? Those letters..I wrote a piece of my mind on those letters. So it's like..you already have a piece of me..." I stayed silent, realizing how awkward I must have been talking. "I just..well..uhm.." I stuttered. "I don't know how to start..but..it's because of you I'm still here today..still, well, still breathing." I saw the kindness through her eyes, just wishing she could tell me how she felt too. Afterall, she saved me. But what have I done for her? "I just wanted to say thank you Taeyeon." I blushed. "I don't know what kind of relationship we have but, I'm glad you got my letter. Glad you're here. Glad that I've finally met an angel." I laughed. "I hope we can stay friends. We will right?" She nodded. Suddenly I looked at Taeyeon differently. When I saw her in that hospital, I didn't pity her because I pitied myself at the time. I always thought I was the only miserable person in the world. The only unfortunate one..but seeing Taeyeon look at me. I just knew she wanted to say a billion stories. A billion stories I would have listened to without a doubt. "You can talk right..?" I asked cautiously hoping not to offend her in any way. "But you don't like your voice.." She nodded in agreement. "I...I have a request Taeyeon." She tilted her head to the side, asking what it was. "Will you talk for me?"

♥♥♥♥

I stared in disbelief. This was the first time someone asked me to talk for them. A big urge of embarrassment and humiliation spread throughout my body. Suddenly, I wanted to go back home. I didn't feel comfortable with the request, but it was hard for me to deny seeing how it came from Tiffany, a pink angel. I could talk, yes. Though it did tire me out quicker than any activity, my voice disgusted me beyond measure. I wasn't quite sure how to break it to her. I didn't want to scare her away with my voice like how I did to other people. Just whispering accelerated my cancer. What she asked me wasn't impossible. What she asked me was to die faster. For her. A girl I've only met today. A girl whom I 'saved'. A girl who trusts me way more than she needs too. A girl who had a voice. A girl who wasn't like me. A girl who I wanted to be. A girl who I couldn't be. A girl I actually considered a friend. A girl named Tiffany Hwang.

She watched me through her kind careful eyes, awaiting my response. I couldn't say no. But I couldn't say yes either. I decided to settle for something in between. I gave her a shrug. "Okay." She said. "Then I guess that just means I'll have to learn sign language!" Her smile gleamed brightly, her beauty making me nervous. "You'll help me won't you?" Her tone wavering in an expectant way. I sighed and chewed some more food down my throat. I wasn't quite sure how to react to her anymore. We had only met today she was already treating me like we've been friends for years. But I couldn't deny. That feeling I had being around her. It made me happy. And I'll confess. I liked that feeling.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

What am I feeling?

[ → My Balloon Girl ← ]

"What am I feeling?"

07

____________________________________________________________________________ “That’s how you know you love someone, I guess, when you can’t experience anything without wishing the other person were there to see it, too.”

I wasn't very hungry. Butterflies came in my stomach, filling me up. Tiffany's presence was comforting and I found it peaceful being around her. We had technically just 'met' today, but she treated me more than a friend. Even if I read the dictionary full and completely beyond, I wasn't quite sure what to call our relationship. Though I secretly hoped it would evolve into something better.. "Are you okay?" Her soft voice flew into my ears. "You look a little pale." I nodded and looked down, suddenly feeling my face flush. "Hey." She poked me on the shoulder and I lifted my head up. "I'm serious, if you don't feel well - let's go back. I don't want to be the cause of your sickness getting worse." Too late... I thought. She turned around and began walking in the opposite direction. Weakly, I followed after her. I guess, being with her gave me false energy I thought I had. Whenever I walked, it was a habit that my eyes fell to the ground. I watched the white continous tile floors of the mall when I bumped into her back. "C'mon now." To my surprise, she gently took my hand and walked slower, adapting to my pace. It was so comfortable. Other than my family, I had never held anyone's hands before. She pulled me through the crowds of people, making sure to look back every so often that I was still there. I gripped her hands, giving her that assurance. We went back to the car and texted Jessica to bring the keys. The sun had begun to set, coloring the sky orange. We sat on the hood of the car waiting for Jessica to arrive. We were informed that she was currently eating and would take a little while to get back. I started to feel fragile. Sitting next to Tiffany, I unconciously laid my head on her shoulder. "Tell me about yourself, Taeyeon." Tiffany said quietly. The wind began to pick up, chilling my heated body. I breathed in. "I got cancer roughly five years ago, I-"

"No no no." She interrupted. "Don't recite it. Close your eyes and tell me yourself. Not your story." "What do you mean?" I asked a little puzzled. I turned my head to cough on the side. Talking really tired me out. "Just close your eyes, and tell me whatever pops in your mind." So I did. I closed my eyes under her watchful gaze. This time, I talked at my own pace. At my own accord. At my own breath. "I like gummy bears." I smiled. "And the beach a lot..." I heard her chuckle and I opened my eyes. "What?" I blushed. "Nothing. You sound like a little kid." I continued to stare at her, wondering what she meant. "Ooh. Not voice wise. Just..personality wise." She flashed her eye smile. "Taeyeon, I'm sorry if I offend you in anyway, I really don't mean it..this is all new to me." I shrugged. "It's okay.." I coughed again. She placed her hand on my back and patted it gently. "I guess, it's my turn to talk huh?" She left her hand on my back. "I like gummy bears too. But the best thing in the world has got to be...the color pink. You get me anything pink and..I'll probably love it." She laughed. "Sometimes, I think I'm too weird. But then again, we only have one life. And I ain't gonna waste that life thinking about what other people think about me!" Her laughter died down. Jessica didn't seem like she would come any time soon..

"....Are you afraid of dying, Taeyeon?" She asked seriously. I didn't have the guts to look at her, and I stared in the distance. I was always indirectly asked this question. And I always gave people the same answer. But Tiffany was different. She sounded so sincere. Unlike everyone whom I only obtained pity from. I sighed and lifted my head off her shoulder.

"...No." I answered. "Everyone is waiting to die if you think about it...Some just have to wait longer than others..Dying just means you won't wake up anymore.." I drifted off in the end. "But you can't wait everyday for that day..you should live it day by day. Forget about tomorrow, it's the present. Forget about the past, it's history." I sighed. I knew it. No matter who it was, no one would understand. "I can't afford to go slow, because unlike you, time is something I don't have." "I know, but with your remaining time....-- look, I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life, but change is a part of life. Instead of stuffing your nose in books all day, try going out and living life. Living isn't breathing, it's doing." Tears began to swell up in my eyes. I thought I was strong, why was I starting to cry? Finally, I turned to look at Tiffany in the eyes. "I can't walk through the sunny field anymore because my heart and legs can't handle it. Tiffany, just talking to you hurts me...I appreciate your concern for me...but all that's left is to draw my sheets around me and count the beats of my heart until they stop forever." She frowned. "Just because you're not afraid of dying doesn't mean...." She paused for a while. Even though I was looking straight at her, I couldn't understand what she was feeling or thinking. "I..I don't want you to die. Haven't you ever considered how others feel?" "....I-...." "Hey guys!!" Jessica shouted. We broke off eye contact and focused our attention on Jessica, who was dragging bags on both sides. Tiffany hopped off the hood and went to help her. Afterwards, I began to avoid talking to Tiffany. An easy thing for me to do.

But that didn't last for long..

The day longed on, at by now it was evening. Tiffany was informed that her father was going to be out late tonight, giving an extension to her curfew. By now, the stars splattered across the night sky. We found ourselves back at the beach, our favorite spot. Jessica went out to buy ingredients for s'mores at a nearby grocery store. Tiffany insisted on coming with her, but Jessica told her to stay with me and start the fire. She had dug a circle out of the sand, leaving the middle still. She placed some firewood Jessica had gotten earlier, struck a match, and let it burn. We relaxed next to the fire, waiting for it to get bigger and hotter. "Pink angel is sorry." Tiffany suddenly said. "Pink angel requests Blue Angel's forgiveness." She extended out her lower lip, imitating a puppy. "Please forgive pink angel." "There's nothing to forgive you about..I wasn't angry at you in the beginning..just..cautious." I replied calmly. "Still, pink angel wants forgiveness." She pouted. I smiled and moved my hands. "Watch." I said while turning my hands around. I did it slowly for Tiffany to follow along. After a good minute lesson, she was able to copy my movements. "It means 'it's okay' in sign language." She grinned and nodded. "I'll remember that." Pulling her legs in, she curled them closer, hugging them in a childish way. "TaeTae, will you teach me more?" I extended my hands out to allow her to watch my moves clearly. I taught her basic words. Enough for her to get by if she was ever caught in a moment with a deaf person or so. "Sign language is different for every language in the world.." I explained. "So if you see a deaf foreigner and did Korean sign language with them, they wouldn't really understand. So don't blame me if you try to talk to a foreigner with what I taught you." To my pleasant surprise, she gesticulated, 'okay' with her hands. Around this time, Jessica came back with dessert.

"What time is it?" She asked settling herself in between Tiffany and I. Tiffany checked her watch and replied, "It's 7:36." "Nope!" Jessica grinned. "It's s'mores time!" She pulled out marshmellows, graham crackers, and chocolate before placing them on Tiffany's lap. On my lap, she placed a bundle of wooden sticks. I frowned, realizing what they were doing. "Here." Tiffany placed a recently roasted marshmellow in between the crackers and squished them slightly. The chocolate warmed up and melted, making a wonderful treat. She held it by her two fingers and pushed it my way, insisting I take it. I shook my head sadly and kicked the sand. "You don't like s'mores?" She said with a tone of disappointment in her voice. Jessica popped in our conversation and took the delicious treat away. "Dude! I totally forgot to tell you she can't have chocolate. Chocolate melts in our throats and it makes swallowing harder. For Taeyeon, swallowing is already hard, and it'll be horrible if we gave her chocolate. Give her some marshmellows, but don't roast them." She tossed me the pack of marshmellows. "Or crackers. I'm sorry Taengoo, but you already know.." I nodded in agreement and gave a faint smile. I picked up a marshmellow, squishing it in between my fingers for a moment, before popping them in my mouth. Tiffany was roasting another marshmellow on our small bonfire. Her eyes were fixed on the burning fire and she seemed deep in thought. She pulled the marshmellow back and blew on it to keep the fire away. Then she mumbled something before biting into it. Finally, after what seemed to be a million roasted marshmellows, Tiffany stopped eating and faced Jessica. "Did they have any gummy bears in the store?" She suddenly asked. "Huh? I think they do. Why?" She looked at me.

"I think it's unfair how we get to eat chocolate when Taeyeon can't." She debated. "I feel like we're torturing her..eating food she can't eat in front of her." Tiffany stood tall and proud. "I'm going to buy some gummy bears for her." "You don't have to do that.." I said a little taken back. "I'm fine really." She jumped up and down. "Nope! I'm going to get those bears for you. No objections!" She screamed before running away. Jessica didn't bother getting up. She was use to her hyperactive friend by now. She finished her s'more and began talking to me. Using sign language of course. "How are you feeling?" Her hands moved in a soothing way as if they were dancing. I replied back with the movement of my hands. "I'm good. But your friend is strange." She laughed. "I'm glad she seems to have opened up to you quickly. She has a lot of family problems too..she's tried to commit suicide a lot of times..so be careful with her okay? It's rare she likes someone this fast, so don't waste this friendship." "Don't worry about me. Or her. I think we'll get along just fine." "That's great." Jessica scooted over and gave me a friendly hug. Afterwards, she plopped down on the clean sand and stared at the night sky view we had. Ever since electricity has been invented, humans have lost contact with the stars above. But I'm glad my town didn't. The few lights that stayed on to shine on the sidewalks were nothing compared to the light above, resulting in the rare view we got compared to other towns and cities. The shore played a constant hum and rush of music, harmonizing with the cracking of the fire beside us. It was a great day, and since my cancer, I never took one single day for granted. "Ah, I wish my sister was here to see this." She pointed at the stars above. "She's studying to be a flight attendant........I didn't even know they had flight attendant schools! She's always been wanting to travel, so I guess this is it. She gets paid to help people - a thing she's pretty good at -

and to travel. Pretty sweet huh?" She hummed a melody for a while. I kicked back, placing my hands on my head, waiting for Tiffany to come back. “That’s how you know you love someone, I guess, when you can’t experience anything without wishing the other person were there to see it, too.” Jessica said quietly. "Other than your family, do you have anyone else you love, Taeyeon?" I pointed at her. "You." She smirked. "I know I know, I love you too my super best friend. Haha. But seriously, anyone pop in your mind?" I shrugged my shoulders and grunted. "Well, I hope you find someone soon." She rolled around to get to my side and gave me a big hug. "I think I have one, but maybe not. I just think he's cute buuuut, I don't know if I'd date him y'know? I don't wanna rush things.." "Is that what you were keeping from me?" Tiffany said out of the blue. She dropped the big bag of gummy bears on Jessica's stomach harshly, causing Jessica to groan in pain. "You're evil!" Jessica cursed out loud before handing me my gummy bears. I looked at Tiffany happily, saying Thank You with my hands. "How come you've never told me you had a crush on someone?! I thought our rule was to keep no secrets away from each other!" Tiffany bursted. "I feel betrayed." She playfully frowned. "I don't even know if it's a crush, gosh, I just think he's cute." "Gimme a picture, I'll be the judge of that." They both started bickering about boys and whatnot. I wasn't interested in the conversation, so I just kept quiet to myself while eating the gummy bears. I tossed in some old branches into the fire, trying to keep it alive longer. I thought long and hard about what Jessica said.

Do I love anyone that I would want to spend every moment of my remaining life with them? The thought scared me. Being selfless wasn't exactly my forte, and I couldn't imagine it happening. "Yah!!" Tiffany and Jessica began fighting on the sand. "Yahh what?!" "He's totally cute!!" "I told yo.....wait a minute..hey! I saw him first!!" I watched them fight playfully on the sand, mostly Tiffany playing. Her smile, her eyes, her hair,.....her. She was pretty without a doubt. Her personality was a great addition. But what was I feeling around her? ...Maybe it's just the excitement of having a new friend. Jessica pulled Tiffany by the neck and they both started rolling around in the sand. But this feeling... Why does it make me feel so tense and on the edge? ... Why does this feeling.. scare me so much? ... What is this..feeling?

I remember reading the letters I received from her. The same feeling of happiness I got..it was just like this one. Maybe even happier.. "Alright, you win!" Tiffany leaned in and gave Jessica a big hug. I watched carefully. And for a moment, my imagination flashed. I suddenly imagined myself in Jessica's position. In Tiffany's slender arms. In her warmth and comfort.. In her presence..

A firework jolted through my body. I coughed into my hands and felt them unusually warm and wet. They were laughing again. I retracted my hand and found myself shaking at the sight of fresh blood. With the nasty metallic taste in my mouth, I felt like vomitting. I turned to where they were and found them having a great time. It was barely 8 o' clock. Who am I to stop them from having fun? I wiped my mouth of any left over blood, dug my hands deep into the sand, and wiped them away on the back of my shorts. Jessica glanced over at my side and smiled. "How ya feelin' Taengoo?" I gave a weak smile. "Good." I choked on the word and coughed again. I turned my head and away from Jessica's worried eyes. My hand was warm again. Blood again. I wiped it. Again.

I coughed. Again. But with the addition to that, I started sniffing. Something warm clogged up my nose and in reaction, I tried to breath it back in. I ran my fingers above my lip, hoping to wipe away whatever snot was dripping. But there it was again..I kept wiping and wiping, only succeeding in smearing the blood all over my face. By this time, Jessica noticed something was wrong. She had gotten up and walked over to my side. With her gentle pat on my back, I turned and faced her. "O-Oh my god! Taeyeon!" She yelled. Adrenaline paced through her as she swiftly took off her shirt, leaving herself in a casual tank top, and placing it on my nose in replacement for tissue. "Tiffany! Get the car ready!" I couldn't see what happened there. I think I was losing a lot of blood. My head felt light and my world began to get darker. "Taeyeon. Taeyeon. Taeyeon look at me." She kneeled down into my view. "We're going to take you to the hospital." "N-no. I'm fine...it's just.." I knew my eyes were open. I knew it. But why was everything getting darker? "..a.." My eyes dropped down involuntarily along with my body. I could hear commotion around me, but I couldn't make out with what was being said or done. Slowly the voices began to drift away. And eventually, nothing. ______________________________

That Day..

[ → My Balloon Girl ← ]

"That Day.."

08

____________________________________________________________________________ "You never really take your life for granted until there's a possibility you might lose it."

"Taeyeon?...Taeyeon!!" Jessica screamed. She shook Taeyeon violently, praying she would wake up. But with everything that was happening, she gave up trying. She swung Taeyeon's loose arm around her neck, pulled her up, slipped her hand underneath Taeyeon's knee, and with all her force, stood up. I was watching in a driver's seat of Jessica's car. Everything seemed so slow.. Taeyeon's head dropped down carelessly, with no support from the neck whatsoever. I started the car, ready to go once Jessica gets Taeyeon in. Jessica's tears plastered her face wet, while Taeyeon's was completely drenched in blood. This was too severe of a nosebleed. I reached back and opened the backdoor. Jessica slipped Taeyeon in first, before dunking her head in and screaming. "DRIVE!!" I stomped on the gas and drove away with speed. I couldn't quite focus on driving with Jessica's constant sob. "Oh my god..Oh my god..please..no...not now..oh god..please.." I tried to maintain calm. "Call her family!" I instructed. "Tell them what's going on." Jessica nodded and flipped her phone out. She brought it to ears, impatient for the answer. Blood did not stop gushing out of her nose. "Stop the bleeding!" "I-I can't. I'm trying.." She squeezed Taeyeon's nose tight, completely uneducated on the medical situation. She lifted Taeyeon's head up a little, hoping to fix her posture. I was beyond scared now. I couldn't keep my eyes off Taeyeon. Fear accompanied me, not allowing me to focus on my driving. "TIFFANY! WATCH OUT!" With that alarm Jessica said, I switched my eyes back to the road and found ourselves driving towards a wall. I slammed the breaks, completely forgetting none of us had our seatbelts on. The momentum pulled my body forward and even with my resistance, I slammed my head into the steering wheel harshly, causing a sudden vertigo within me. But we didn't crash into the wall.

I rested my head on the wheel and looked back. I saw a crack on the window shield with some blood plastered on it. Jessica was barely concious. I looked down and saw that she had prioritized Taeyeon first, and managed to hold her down throughout the forceful break. Jessica was breathing heavy, one of her eyes closed, blood dripping down slowly from her head. "J-Jess.." I saw in the reflection of her eyes, a white light. I wondered where it came from, and whether this was just another of God's tricks, when the white light began to spread across her face. Eventually towards the window, spreading throughout the entire car. I wondered what the light was.. I finally realized what it was when a loud car horn accompanied the moment. Realization in one moment. Crash in another.. Darkness introduced itself..and seeped in. _______________

The dark haired girl sighed. "Quit sighin' will ya! She'll be back don't worry! You Jungs were always impatient!" A rather old lady scolded. "But Auntie..you said she would be back before 6..It's already 8." The girl pouted. She plopped down on the large leather couch and searched for the remote. "Aigoo, this is why you should have just told her you were comin'! She went to hang out with Tiffany and Taeyeon. You know how it is with those girls..a day is never enough to talk!" She stepped out of the kitchen and held her lower back. "I'm getting too old for this..it's way past my bed time! Do me a favor and keep the noise down tonight?"

"Okay Auntie." She turned the TV on and extended her arms to the air. Her aunt came by, gave her a hug, and kissed her on the cheek. "I'm happy you two are here now! Well, there's food in the kitchen if you get hungry baby Krystal. Good night." She grinned. "Don't call me that!" She argued. She watched her aunt go up the stairs before shouting back. "...Good night." Krystal turned on her phone again. In the dim lighted room, she watched the time. It was 8:15 pm. Like before, she sighed and threw her phone to the side before grabbing the remote and flipping through the channels.

Come to TGYN. Where everyday are Fridays! She changed the channel. Coal dressing center. ThursdShe changed the channel. -eather will be beautiful here tonight. The highest today was 89°F! And it's been seen to be even hotter tomorrow!

For some odd reason unknown, the remote slipped out of her hands. Though she could have easily picked it up even in her position, her stomach growled. She had been waiting for her older sister for over 3 hours now, and she hadn't ate since lunch. She wanted to eat with Jessica when she returned, but she knew the truth in her aunt's word. She wouldn't be back any time soon..So she figured it was a sign that she should take her aunt's offer and eat the food prepared in the kitchen. She left the TV on. Complete silence always bothered her.

With the TV's echo, she listened to the news while mindlessly heating up food.

Well, weather aside, this just in, Breaking news! Around 8 o' clock tonight, a major car accident occured in the neighborhood residence area.

I picked up my heated dinner and made my way back to the sofa. I stepped on the remote and accidentally turned the volume up. I placed my bowl down and grabbed the remote. I placed it on the table and looked at the TV. The camera was high above the streets, a helicopter I'm guessing, I picked up the spoon, completely careless about the accident. I stuffed myself rice and watched the rest. Suddenly, from the living room's windows, I saw quick red and blue lights flashing by. Sirens accompanied the light and I wondered if the accident happened closeby. I watched the camera zoom in and I realized that the area looked familiar. It was the same street my sister and I played on in our childhood years. I calculated it in my head. This wasn't so far.. But that wasn't the only thing that was familiar. A van smashed a much smaller car into pieces, turning the car completely horizontal, trapping one side of the car against the concrete wall. As blurry and shaky as the camera was, I immediately recognized the car. Isn't that... The camera zoomed in the driver's seat. ....that's... A dark wavy haired girl was unconciously trapped between the seat and wheel. What stood out the most was her pink shirt, all

reddened by blood. I recognized the hair, that shirt, that car..too..much. I didn't even swallow my food anymore. I placed my bowl down, and increased the volume even more.

We have confirmed three girls in the smaller car. The van is in the way, so we are unsure of their condition. Officials are trying to remove the van and rescue the women trapped inside. They all seem to be unconcious..The passengers of the van are oka-

I dropped my spoon and dashed for the front entrance. I slipped on my shoes and began running up the street where the accident happened. Adrenaline pumped through my body and I sprinted up. The sirens and lights were getting louder and clearer. I saw in a distance, a crowd of people. "We need everyone to please go home. This is a serious car accident and we'll need all your help respecting the scene. Officials need all the space we have.." The police officer instructed. I went up to him and past. He yelled. "Hey! Did you not hear what I was just saying?" I jogged up closer to the car. "Hey!" Another officer yelled. "Stop her!" Two firefighters, both gripping one arm each, pulled me back. "Stop!" I screamed. "My sister!! My sister..she's in there!" I tried to swing myself free, but they were tough. "Let me go!" I cursed. "I'm sorry miss, but we can't allow you here.." "My fucking sister!" I sobbed. "She's in there! She's the only sister I have!" "Sister?" One of them stopped struggling to restrain me. "One of the victims is your sister?"

"Yes! The one in the backseat!" He let go of me and I forcefully retracted my arm back. "I-I know who they all are! They're my friends god damn it, now let me through!"

_____________

"....Are you afraid of dying, Taeyeon?" "...No....Everyone is waiting to die if you think about it...Some just have to wait longer than others..Dying just means you won't wake up anymore.."

I..I want to wake up. Wake up.. I'm not afraid.. Open your eyes.. P-please.. _____________ ... "Oh!" I opened my eyes to see my brother's face on the side. "You're awake!" "Leo?" I hoarsely replied. My mouth had never felt so dry before. My eyes zoomed around the place. I was at the hospital no doubt. "I'm.."

He sighed, but not an unhappy one. I could tell it was a sigh of relief. "Uhm, how do you feel? Thank goodness you finally woke up..." He paused and put on a face on annoyance. "How much sleep do you need? It's been a whole week! Ugh..I was so worried about you.." "What happened?" I asked trying to recall the events. "You were at a serious car accident..Jessica told me what she remembered. About how her friend started nosebleeding..then in a rush you guys tried to take her to the hospital but you got into an accident of your own.." "Jessica.." Suddenly they both popped into my mind. "W-where are they? Are they okay?" "Relax. They're okay. Well..I know Jessica is, I don't know about your nosebleeding friend." "I-I need to see her." I tried to get up but Leo shoved me back down. I don't think I would be able to anyway considering how painful my sides became. "S-Sorry but I can't let you do that. You need some serious rest. That car accident..Tiffany, that could have killed you." "I just need to see if they're okay..then I'll rest." I tried to get back up, but again, Leo stopped me. "Tiffany please." He said on the verge of tears. "You have no idea what the past week has done to us..please rest..I'll get Jessica in here for you, but do me a favor and rest." I backed down and nodded. I was still feeling a little off and I decided getting up wouldn't be the wisest thing. He smiled and ruffled my hair. "I'll be right back. Don't hesitate to call the nurse if you need anything." After hearing the door closed, I looked around my room more clearer. The last time I was in a hospital was years ago when my mother... "Ayo Tiffany." I shifted my look towards the door. I couldn't see the person due to the curtain blocking the way. But I knew it was Jessica. I wasn't sure what to expect, but Jessica rolled in sitting on a wheelchair. She grinned and said, "Check out my new wheelz."

Leo was pushing Jessica into the room. He explained how she was already outside when he came to get her. "Are you seriously joking around right now?" I asked Jessica. "Maybe. Well, they are my new wheels. Since my car kinda got..crushed last week.." She chuckled. I would never understand my best friend. Here she was, her entire leg in a cast, dressed up in a light hospital gown, gauze wrapped around her head tightly, smiling at me. At me. The person who crashed her car and nearly got us all killed. "Jessica..how's Taeyeon..?" She rolled closer to my bed side and asked Leo to fetch the rest of my family. "She's doing..I don't know.." She sighed. "I can't lie to you. They haven't told me anything about her condition..all I know is that she's in the ICU right now. I tried asking her family for anything, but they said they didn't know either." I dropped my gaze and bit my lip. "This is all my fault.." I began to cry. "Tiffany, don't cry. None of this is your fault okay? I forgot to tell you one thing, I did see Taeyeon's doctor come out of a regular room just now. I haven't checked it, but I think she's stable." "I'm so sorry for everything Jess..this is the second time I've crashed your car." "Yeah, no kiddin'." A girl yelling Jessica's name could be heard from the hallway. "Oh shi-. It's my sister!" "Krystal? I thought she was still in the city?" "Yeah that's what I thought too!" The voice got closer and closer. "Oh shit oh shit. Gotta hide." She rolled into a corner and covered herself with the curtain. It would have worked, if her leg wasn't sticking out so obviously. My door opened gently, despite the sound of the yelling outside. Krystal threaded in gently.

"Hey Kryssie." I smiled. "Oh, unnie! You're awake. I-I'm sorry if my screaming woke you up..How are you feeling?" "I'm okay I guess. But what are you doing in here?" I placed my index finger on my lips, gesticulating her to stay silent. I pointed at the corner Jessica was hiding in. Krystal looked and immediately saw Jessica. "Oh, nothing. I was just.." She slowly made her towards Jessica, her voice, getting farther and farther away from me. "checking up on.." She held the edge of the curtain. She glanced at me and gave me a wink. "You!" She swung the curtain open, revealing an obviously scared Jessica. "Noooo.." Jessica complained. "Tiffany you betrayed meee." "I thought I told you to stop rolling around and stay in bed?" Krystal scolded. "You don't understand how boring it gets when you lay in bed all day long.." Krystal scoffed. "Seriously! I left to go to the bathroom for 3 minutes and you're already in Tiffany's room!" She pulled Jessica out of the corner and began rolling her towards the door. "This isn't fair!" Jessica argued. "Will you stop?! Seriously! You had me dead worried this past week!! You made me and auntie age 5 years in advance!" They argued all the way out the door. "I'm going to take this wheel chair away from you!" Krystal threatened. "You can't do that!" "Oh, trust me. I will!" "You're a horrible sister!" "Excuse me?!" "ICE CUBE SANDWICH!" Jessica screamed.

"W-what?" "I SCREAM YOU SCREAM WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM!!" Jessica continued screaming random things at her younger sister to throw her off. Krystal mumbled to herself how crazy she must have gotten in the car accident. She said goodbye before pushing Jessica into the hallways. Right after they left, my brother and sister walked in. "...Was that Jessica? Screaming.." I nodded. "Man, what got to her?" "She's always like that with her little sister. Whenever they argue, Jessica will start screaming random things to stop their argument." "Oh..well. That aside..Dads here to talk to you Tiffany.." Just as if on cue, my father walked in. As usual, I couldn't read his expression. His glare always took my breath away, as if slowly I began shrinking in size in comparison to him. "I want to speak to you. Alone." He demanded. Within a moment, Leo and Michelle got out of the room. If the heartbeat monitor was attached to me, the beeps would have probably alerted the doctors that I was having a heart attack or something. Thankfully, I was not. He seemed to have suddenly sucked out all the air in the room. I found it hard to breathe. "You have two broken ribs and concussion. Do you know that?" He informed me. The tone of his voice was scary and unpleasant. I hadn't realized it before. "Just now.." "Jessica also had a concussion. Her leg took most of the damage compared to the rest of her body. Do you know that?" "Yes..I saw her earlier.." I mumbled. "Your friend, Taeyeon, I believe, was in critical condition. But she's okay now. Jessica is okay. You're okay." For a second I thought I saw him smirk. "But you know what isn't okay?"

I closed my eyes and tried to block out what he was going to say next. I just knew what was going to come. My mind flashed back into the moment when he was crying. The moment I thought I saw the first flower bloom. I thought when I would slowly water him with my happiness that Taeyeon gave me, that he would grow big enough so we would be okay with one another. He began his long lecture. "You disobeyed me. You stayed out when I specifically asked you not too..you..." He kept rambling on. But even through his harsh words, I could feel his kindness. He wouldn't hurt me now, obviously, but his tone was gentler than usual. I remember the years after my mother died, he stopped getting emotional about my behavior. That's when our relationship ended. Because even when he was the angriest, there was still a relationship. If someone's hateful toward you, that still means something. I had always blamed him for everything. I never took it to think about myself. Maybe, all he wanted was his daughter back. Maybe that's it.. he obviously cared enough to show up to the hospital. "But you know what the worst thing is?" His glare softened and he began to walk towards me. "The worst thing you've done to me by far." I gulped, even though my throat was beyond dry. He could hit me right here and now. I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth, ready for his slap. Instead, I felt his much bigger hand clasp onto mine. "You made me worry so god damn much Tiffany. You have no idea.." There it was again. His manly tears. "I..I thought I was going to lose you like how I did with your mother.." Like before, his rare tears began falling down. "When I watched them try to revive you in the emergency room, everything came rushing back to me. Everything I began regretting..And when I thought you were gone, suddenly I imagined my life...no..our life differently. I thought long and hard while staring at you through that window. And I prayed, that if a miracle happened and you somehow woke up again, I promised to be a better father. Because I realized, how regretful it would have been if you suddenly disappeared like that."

"Dad I.." I didn't know what to say. I had only imagined this in my dreams. Never would I have thought he would ever be saying it. I knew actions spoke more than words, so I wiped his tears and pulled him in for a hug. "Dad..it's okay. Everything is going to be alright. I'll be alright." He sobbed into my shoulder. "Let's start over." I said to him, feeling warm tears at bay. He nodded into my shoulder. As strong as I tried to be, I couldn't help but cry at the scene I never thought was going to happen. My brother and sister came in, and eventually they all joined the hug.

_______

"By far, you took the longest to wake up Taengoo bear." Jessica poked my cheek playfully. But a frown accumulated on her face when she noticed how thin my face became. I no longer had the chubby cheeks she use to make fun of. My condition worsened and so did my physical being. I knew the time would come day, and honestly, I thought I was ready for that day. But now that it's finally here..that day.. "I'm sorry for dragging you into my mess." I apologized. But I was feeling rather gloomy..everything I did came out to be so negative in my mind. "No. Don't apologize Taeyeon. You have nothing to apologize for." She spun around and seated herself next to my bed. "I only got out with a broken leg, I'll be fine. This kind of thing will heal." I tilted my head to nod, but suddenly I got dizzy. I closed my eyes, hoping it would go away. "Try to not use your voice too much Tae.." Jessica gently carressed my hair. "I'm going to die soon anyway..I might as well use it.."

"Hey." Jessica said with a serious tone. "Don't say that." "But it's true..you know it..I know it..Jessica, you heard the doctor." "I don't care what the doctor said." "The doctor said I won't live to see next spring." "Shut up." "Jessica I-" "Shut up." She barked again. "I thought you knew me Taeyeon? You know I hate it the most when my friends are depressed. So why are you doing this now..?" "I've lost hope Jessica..I always looked into the future, imagining what I could be doing..But the only future I see now is..death." Jessica glared at me, disapproving of my speech towards her. "Jess, you've got your whole life ahead of you, so don't waste it. That's all I'm going to say." "If you accept the way things are, then they'll never change." Jessica replied. "I know, I use to be morbid too. But I try not to be like that anymore. I try to be happy and make other people happy..- look , I know everyone dies, but all that matters is that we're proud of how we lived. Can you say it Taeyeon? Can you say you're proud to have lived?" "I don't have anything to be proud of..now that I think of it..we just appear and vanish after a little while..what's there to achieve living in this stupid world anyway..? All we get is pain and suffering.. I'm not proud of anything.." I sighed. "I can't even be a good daughter to my parents..I'm such a burden...just being at this hospital..I'm such a burden.." "That's not true." "No..It is true..While I was resting earlier, I overheard my parents fighting. I don't think they knew I was awake. They were fighting about the hospital bill....Jess, I can't pay for this place. I..I can't.." I began scratching at my wounds. "I can't pay for this treatment!"

"Taeyeon," Jessica held my hand. "Please stop." "They never fight..my parents..but this was the first time I heard them fighting..over what..? Over me..I'm..I'm such a burden Jess.." "I'll talk to your parents about it." "No! Don't." I shouted then paused. I lowered my tone. "My family is a good family..but we're not the best..you know us..my family isn't that rich..out of 3 of us, only one was able to go to college..you know, Haeyeon?" She nodded respectfully. "She was suppose to come back that week too..but I ruined it by being sent to the hospital..we were suppose to have a party for her..I can't..I..I hate myself Jess.." "Taeyeon..I know almost everything about yourself..but I can't answer everything you say..I just..I want you to find something you're proud of." "I'm not proud of anything!" "That's why I want you to find one. Okay? Now stop crying.." She took some tissues and wiped my tears away. Suddenly, I heard the door knob shut. I looked over to see if anyone had entered. But no one. Maybe someone was listening in.... ____ I had trouble sleeping. Mostly because of the constant pain that struck my side every so often. But whenever I did go to sleep, I had a strange recurring dream. Usually, the moment I wake up, I forget immediately what I dream of. But this dream..I remember it so clearly. I was on an elevator. It wasn't a modern elevator though, it was one where the door had to be manually closed. The walls were simply gates, and you could see through it.

The elevator stopped and I opened the doors. It was a long corridor, but at the end was a window. I walked down the seemingly endless corridor until I made it to the end. I peeked through the window and saw Taeyeon lying down on the surgery table. Then I heard talking. "Mr. and Mrs. Kim. I have great news for you. With the technology we have today, we may be able to cure Taeyeon from her larnyx cancer." Of course, with the news, Taeyeon's family smiled brightly. "But.." The doctor said. "There's still a risk to this surgery..especially with her being in this critical state." "What kind of risk?" A male figure asked. I've seen him before..I believed he was Jiwoong. "Well..that's one part to the risk..we don't know. There hasn't been many cases of this surgery being done. Technically, this is the first time I'm doing it too." "How..how am I suppose to trust you then?" "That's a risk. Are you going to trust me?" Taeyeon's family became silent. The doctor spoke up again. "Well, I also looked into one thing..even if you say yes to the surgery..Mr. and Mrs. Kim, I'm afraid you won't be able to afford it.." "W-what? B-but...." Taeyeon's father was obviously distressed. "..We have life savings! Yes. We should have enough..." "I'm afraid that won't be enough." "W-we can take Haeyeon off of college! We can sell our house..our cars..please..please..no..just..save my daughter.." The doctor sighed. "There's another option you guys can take."

"And that is..?" "Well..I'm not encouraging it..but it's the only thing you guys can do right now.." "Just tell us already." Her brother spat out impatiently. "The other option is a lesser expensive way. I don't know how to break it to you but..I doubt she would survive the surgery anyway..so option 2..probably your only option..is to just.." He became quiet. "Just put her to sleep...We'll just slip her into a coma she'll never wake up from.. She won't feel a thing. I promise." I watched in despair and screamed at Taeyeon's family. "No! Don't do that! Don't put her to sleep!" But I could only watch as tears dripped down their faces. They couldn't hear me. I looked into the window again. Taeyeon's heart..it was getting slower and slower.. Slower and slower.. Until finally..a long beep. "No..no..no..No!" I screamed. I turned around and saw the elevator door closing. I ran towards it, the hallway getting longer. "No!! This isn't the reality I want!!" I pushed my body to the limit, trying to get to the elevator. "This isn't the floor I want! This isn't it!" Finally with my endurance, I made it to the elevator. I turned around and watched the hallway before the door closed again. Then I woke up.

____________________

I'm your Angel

[ → My Balloon Girl ← ]

"I'm your Angel"

09

____________________________________________________________________________ Time is like water flowing in a river..

I had been awake for god knows how long. Time spent in a place unwanted was time passing at a snail's pace. I was hoping for Jessica to come by and tell me one of her crazy stories I have yet to hear, but it seemed like she was under the watchful eye of her younger sister. In return, I was hoping for myself to be able to go to her instead. But I too, was under close surveillance. At this rate, dying seemed so far away. I wanted to visit Tiffany too. I hadn't seen her since the accident. I wanted to tell her that it was okay. To show her with my hands, that none of it was her fault. I was sure she was bathing in deep regret and remorse, and I didn't want to be the cause of that. My brother visited for a short while before leaving to go to work. I thought about galaxies and the stars and cursed the world for being unfair. I prayed and hoped that wishes do come true, but deep inside, my faith wasn't full. Overtime, I felt myself growing tired of the constant wishing. As much as I didn't like it, I had to face reality. With galaxies in my mind, I compared myself to a blackhole - sucking the good out of people into nothing I can return back. It had been me who caused the accident, the fight between my parents, everything else. I sighed and watched three minutes pass by. ... I wish the grim reaper would hurry up. ♥♥♥♥ I sat up with my hands mid-air. The kind nurse was gentle in replacing the gauze on my sides. I didn't dare to look as I was told that in the accident, glass punctured through my sides barely missing any important organs by an inch. They all said how lucky I was.

Lucky. What a nice word. I wish people in the world had some luck. She threw the old medical fabric to the side and I noticed how red it became due to my constant moving. Even with the stitches, it still bled. "Higher please." I raised my arm, wincing at the pain when I stretched my skin. She rolled it around my shoulder and sides quickly, knowing how much it hurt. After a nice check-up, a doctor came in. "I'll cut to the chase." He was holding a clipboard and looked at his expensive watch quickly. "I have to prep for a surgery in a bit. Hope you don't mind Tiff." "Yeah no problem. I understand." I replied with a smile. In exchange, he smiled too. "Your ribs will heal, no problem there. Though it'll take about a month to heal." I frowned at the statement. "But don't worry. You won't have to spend a month here. You can go home in a couple days. But just make sure not to physically tire yourself out. You probably won't need gauze but please protect your sides dearly." I clicked my tongue and placed my hand on my wounds. "Okay." "Any other questions before I go?" "How are my friends?" "Which one?" "Both of them." He scratched the side of his head with a pen before sliding it on top of his ear. "Jessica is healing quickly. It's great that her head trauma wasn't that serious. Her leg will take a while, but like you, it should be no problem."

"The other girl." I unconciously spun my hands around. A gesture in sign language to hurry the talk. "How about Taeyeon?" "Taeyeon..well..her condition wasn't great to begin with unfortunately." He sighed. The sad look in his eyes. This is one reason I would never want to become a doctor. You can help people to the best of your abilities, but there will always be times when your best is never enough. "Can I see her?" I said trying to not sound desperate. "Sure thing. I'll get a nurse to escort you there." He checked his watch again. "I really have to go. I'll check up on you again before my shift ends. Alright?" "Alright. Thanks doc." He turned around without saying goodbye and rushed into the hallways. After a short while, a nurse came in with a wheelchair and helped me sit down. "To Taeyeon's room, correct?" I nodded. She adjusted the direction of the chair and we began our short field trip to Taeyeon's room. She pressed the button and waited for the elevator to open. Shortly after, it opened revealing a familiar girl inside. "Oh crap!" Jessica mumbled before pressing the close door button in a hurry. With my quick reflexes, I slipped my hand through the crack and pried it open. "Yah! Why would you close it on me?!" I frowned. "G-Get in quick!" Just as she finished her sentence, I heard yet another familiar voice shouting behind me. "JESSSIIICCCAAAA!!" The voice turned a corner and I felt the chill of the shout behind my back. I rolled in without the nurse's help and sat beside Jessica. I could see why she wanted to close the elevator door so quickly. Krystal's eyes were on fire as she stomped towards the elevator. Jessica held the close door in desperation. Luckily for us, the door closed before Krystal can get inside.

"Dude! You made me ditch my nurse!" I yelled at my best friend. "Hey, you have to help me this time. You totally showed me off last time!" She argued back. "Where ya going anyway?" Jessica pressed the 7th floor before I could answer. "Yeah, 7th floor. How'd you know?" "Taeyeon, I'm guessing?" "Yup." "Same here." She grinned. "Oh man, Krystal is totally going to kick my ass when she finds me." I rolled my eyes. "Ever since we got here, we've been giving them trouble!" "Well, we are their patients. AHEM. We deserve to be cared for whether or not we are troublemakers." "We?" I chuckled. "You mean YOU?" "Shaddup..." The elevator ringed and opened the door to the 7th hallway. Jessica rolled out first, in which I followed after. I couldn't help but laugh at ourselves. We had been best friends since elementary school. Through thick and thin. And here we were, both in a wheelchair. Through pain and smiles. "Jess..wait.." I stopped suddenly feeling out of breath. "I need my nurse..my sides hurt.." "We're almost there. Don't worry, c'mon." She pushed against my wheel and accelerated me forward. "Why is she on a different floor anyway..?" I asked the all knowing Jessica. " 'Cause it's closer to the ICU. Plus this floor is for cancer patients. Our floor is just regular people tryin' to recover." I disliked the sound of that word. Cancer. Jessica stopped and I stopped

behind her. "Well, this is it. Room 27." She turned the doorknob and pressed on forward. I endured the pain I was feeling and rolled on in too. It had been a while since I saw Taeyeon. And when I came into that room, I thought she was an entirely different person. She looked thinner than before. Some of her bones popping out. It wasn't quite skeleton-like, but it was close. Her white skin got paler, her skin, older. Her dark eyebags gave a confirmation that she hadn't slept much, which figures considering how painful her expression seemed. But even through the pain she was feeling, she smiled at us. "...Hey.." She said one word. Just one. But it looked like it someone stabbed her in the stomach. Even through her smile, I could see in her eyes how much she's changed physically. The sight brought tears to my eyes. Is this what I had done..? "Tiff here wants to say something." Jessica rolled to the opposite side of the room. "I would talk to you too, but Krystal is probably coming to get me right now. I'll tell you when she goes home." She paused and closed her eyes. "There she is." Right on time, the door swung open revealing a very angry mini-Jessica. "I love you~~" Jessica cooed. This time, Krystal didn't say anything. She must have been tired of chasing Jessica around the hospital all week long. Krystal leaned in for a hug, but eventually the hug turned out to be a headlock for the older one. "Seriously!! You are getting on my nerves unnie!" Jessica playfully coughed. "Ack! You're gonna kill me Krys!" "No more excuses! I am taking your wheelchair away from you and I'm going to tell all the nurses to keep you in your room!" By the sound of her voice, Krystal was dead serious. "Whaat? That's so unfair!" Jessica complained as Krystal pushed her out the door again. She greeted us and apologized before leaving abruptly with her sister. I heard a faint sound and turned my head to face Taeyeon. She was giving a weak smile.

"Those two.." I could understand why Taeyeon hated her voice so much now. She was sugarcoating it before, but the cancer intensified, thickening her voice and damaging it beyond measure. "..I'll never get tired of them." I didn't know what to say, so I nodded and rolled in closer. I had so much to say, but I had no idea how to begin. "Taeyeon, I'm-" Taeyeon pushed her finger onto my lips indirectly telling me to stop talking. She pointed at her desk. There was a blue letter. Read. She gesticulated. It's for you. She watched me pick it up and look at her with confirmation. A quick raise of her eyebrows and she closed her eyes for a moment's rest.

It began,

Dear Pink Angel, I'm sorry if it has to be said like this, but I hope you understand I am no longer capable of speaking longer sentences. I am however, still capable of writing. It's funny isn't it? I met you just by your words..and here we are now. It's like fate playing a game and we're the characters. I'm writing this letter to explain to you what I can't say in words. But first off, I would like to ask a request from you. Please don't blame yourself for what happened. It wasn't our doing that caused that van to crash into ours, it's no one's fault. And I just know deep inside, that you would blame yourself. Angels like you, afterall, are always too nice.

But I'm here to tell you that. Maybe because every minute that passes, I get weaker and weaker. Just writing this, it's been an hour. I remember your request. Will I talk for you? I answered it unofficially, but I'll say it now. Yes. I would talk for you. I would use every remaining strength I have left to form words to give to you. But I can't do that anymore. I can, and I will try, but slowly, your request will become unfulfilled. And for that, I'm sorry. I hope you count writing as talking, because if that's the case, I would definitely be able to fulfill it. Please bare with me pink angel. And your other question..whether or not I was afraid of dying...I'll answer that too. Yes, deep inside, I'm afraid. But also relieved. I had been causing problems for everyone around me, and I thought it would be better off if I just didn't exist anymore. I'm afraid because I know that someday in the future, I'll just be a distant memory that comes by and leaves quickly. That one day, my name will be said. But no emotions will be attached to it. Pink angel. I ask that you may keep these letters I give you. It takes all my strength and energy to write them, so please..keep them. You share a special place in my heart. And I hope I do too in your heart. I'm getting sleepy..so I will finish this letter off with a thank you. I will never understand how those balloons got stuck in my backyard, but I'm sure glad they did. - Blue Angel Kim Taeyeon

I looked blankly at the well written paper when I noticed rain starting to fall on it. ...No..it wasn't rain. It was my tears. My vision blurred with warm tears. I lifted my head up to meet Taeyeon's eyes halfway. Her kind yet tired onyx eyes.. She gesticulated something and even with my limited sign language knowledge, I knew what she was saying. Don't cry. Her eyes drooped down again, and this time, she was fast asleep. ♥♥♥♥

A repetitive knock came onto the door before my father entered. "Why would you even knock if you're gonna go in without permission anyway?" I said to him. Usually if I ever talked back to him with a question, I would see the end of my conciousness. But with the brand new start we promised on, I talked the way I pleased. "Think of it as a warning, so you won't be able to blame me for barging in." He had in his hands a bunch of paper curled up into a roll. He smacked me on the head playfully. I smiled so big I swear I thought my cheeks were going to fall off. "Well, it turns out you can leave now if you wanted to. I told them how we could hire a private nurse to take care of you. They said it wasn't necessary and that family members were fine, but I'm worried." "Dad, you don't have to waste money.." I paused halfway, suddenly my dream from a couple nights ago popped into my mind. Taeyeon..

"If it's for your own good, then it's a must. Health is very important. It is the structure.." He began his sermon. "Dad.." I grumpily said. He stopped and apologized after. Even though we promised to change, I guess his long sermons would continue. But I was happy to hear his sermons, because I knew right then and there, he cared for me. "Sorry dear. But well anyways, do you want to go home now? The paper here," He unscrolled it and passed it to me. "Is about basic instructions on how to care for yourself." "I'll be fine dad." I pulled myself up, only now wincing at the pain. The stitches were beginning to go away. But the sensation stil struck me. "Agh." "Are you sure about that? I'm not going to force you to go home. You can stay here longer if you want.." "No. I'm fine. Yeah, let's go."

"Oh?" Jessica grinned when she saw me exit the elevator with my father. She greeted my father respectively before turning her attention on me. "You're in normal clothes." "And so are you." I said pointing out her short white dress. "I don't think you should be wearing short dresses while sitting on a wheelchair. Y'know, the wind can be evil sometimes." I winked. "Boohoo. The wind will just have to deal with it." "You are so byuntae." "What? I'm just being honest." She grinned. "Besides, I can't wear any pants over this stupid cast anyway."

"How long will it take for you to heal?" I touched my sides. My father excused himself and went to get the car ready. " 'Bout a month they said. You?" "Same." I chuckled. "Everything about us is so similar." "Yeah, no kidding." She wrinkled her nose and turned her head to the side. "Taeyeon won't be discharged anytime soon.. they said she's getting sicker.." I nodded quickly dismissing the topic. I generally tried not to talk about Taeyeon because whenever it was about her, it usually ended up on a sad topic. A car drove into the front of the hospital and honked. My dad rolled the windows down and yelled my name. "Need a ride?" I offered Jessica. "Nah. They got a special van just for me. Since my wheelchair won't fit anywhere else. Thanks though." "Okay, I'll talk to you later and visit you so you won't get bored." Jessica smiled. "I'd like that." My dad stepped out the driver's seat and helped me get up the passenger's seat. He drove slowly and I noticed how extra careful he was. "I'm not traumatized by the accident..you can drive normally." I said hoping to put him in a normal state. We were driving way too slow for my likings. "You never know. I don't want anything bad to happen to your mental state." I sighed. I knew I would be treated like a baby at home. Something I was not use to anymore. Our house was on the other side of town. A long journey..

My mind aimlessly took in the quick scenary of the ocean before buildings came and blocked the view. I turned the radio on, hoping for some noise to assuage the awkward situation. When suddenly, I thought. "Say dad.." I began. "Hmm?" "What do you do with the money you earn?" He turned to the left and accelerated faster into the main streets. "I save it up of course. Don't you know everything I get, you will inherit?" "Oh.." I paused thinking of more questions. "Uhm..are we rich dad?" The lights turned yellow, and even though we could have made it. He forced the car into a stop. "Hmm..compared to others..I guess we kinda are." He tapped the steering wheel with rhythm. Suddenly, he paused. "Tiffany..is there..anything you've been wanting lately?" The lights went green. "Huh?" "I remember your last birthday..how I abused you..Tiffany, I hope you can forgive me about that...I'm really sorry..so..is there anything you've been wanting? It just came to my mind how I never gave you anything." "I-.." No matter what I did or thought, Taeyeon's face kept popping into my mind. "I..I don't know." "Anything." He repeated. "Anything you want. Because I know, whatever I get you, however expensive it may be, it will never accumulate how much I am sorry for everything." What would Taeyeon want? I suddenly thought. I honestly didn't want anything right now but to help others. I wanted to buy Jessica a new car for wrecking her old one. That was one thing. But I thought about how fortunate I was, and how unfortunate Taeyeon was.

"You don't have to answer me now. If there's anything you think of that you want, just tell me, okay?" "It's not for me but..can we..perhaps..I dunno..buy Jessica..a new car?" I mumbled. But my father heard it and grinned. "I can do that. But I want you to get something for yourself too." "I'll think about that." He pulled up into our house's garage. Maids and servants popped out quickly. I never really thought about how amazing my family was. Or how wealthy we were. But I realized, wealth didn't mean happiness. I learned that the hard way. "You better." He opened my door and helped me out of the car before we headed into the house.

No matter what, I couldn't get Taeyeon off my mind. I even took a warm shower to try to get something else in my mind, but she was taking over my thinking process. I didn't want anything honestly. I found happiness through my newly developed relationship with my father. But instead of the question being for me. I thought, what would Taeyeon want? Taeyeon made me realize something. That the world revolved around money. That people's lives were, unfortunately, dependent on money. My father worked at a small time company ran by his best friend's parents since he was a teenager. He decided to stick around and due to his fortunate decision, the company eventually made it's way up and became an everyday brand. His rankings was just below a CEO, next to the founder's son, his best friend of 30 years. I was born into our mini-mansion unlike my brother and sister, who watched him grow in wealth. I was born into it and never thought once what others in the world grew into. I always thought everyone else was happy, and that I was the only one miserable in the world. I was glad Taeyeon

proved me wrong. If it wasn't for her, I would have probably been dead by now. And I don't think that's being morbid. I think that's reality. I twisted my hair into a bun and closed my eyes. ....What would my mom have done? I thought adding it onto the list of things I would have asked my mom is she was still alive. I owe Taeyeon my life. But you can't buy life with money. I sighed heavily as I plopped down on my comfortable bed. I closed my eyes and had the same dream about the elevator.

♥♥♥♥ "Hi." I gave off a gentle smile, treating the tired looking nurse respectfully. "I'm here to visit Kim Taeyeon." She recognized me immediately and shined brightly despite her exhausted face. "The same room. 7th floor, room 27." I walked down the hallway again, suddenly feeling a rush of deja vu. But it was strange. How could I feel like I remember something when it never happened? I shrugged the feeling off, pressed the elevator botton, and patiently waited. A few other people waited next to me and out of pure curiousity, I watched them. One had his hands stuffed in his pockets, head tilted to the side, listening to music loudly. Even through his earphones, the repetitive rock sound was captured from my distance. He'll go deaf if he keeps that up.. "Uhm, excuse me." I said hoping to get his attention. He couldn't hear me. I said it a little bit louder this time. "Excuse me?" A person standing abreast of him looked at me and nudged his buddy. The guy, obviously annoyed, cussed at his friend before taking one of his earpieces off.

"Dude, what the fuck man this is my favorite song, shit." I glared at him. He has a nice voice. What a waste that he's using it on that kind of language.. His friend pointed at me. He swung his head to face me, keeping his annoyed face on until he saw me. He relaxed his face and color began to flush through. "I know it's none of my business but.. your music is pretty loud." I said. "Yeah? So?" I placed my hands on my hips. "How old are you kid?" "I'm old enough not to be called a kid. What's your problem? What do you care?" "I care because at this rate, if you keep playing your shitty music at that level, you're going to go deaf." The elevator door ringed and opened. "You said it before, it's none of your business. Fuck off will you?" He rolled his eyes and walked into the elevator. Suddenly, I didn't feel like taking the lift today. Just before the door closed, I yelled at him. "I hope you do go deaf, asshole." His reaction was priceless and I laughed walking all seven floors to Taeyeon's room. Standing outside Taeyeon's door, I thought about the kid I insulted earlier. Usually, I wouldn't care about other people. But the way I saw him wasting his ears..for some reason unknown, it annoyed and saddened me. I wasn't quite sure of where the feelings came from, until I saw Taeyeon weakly lying on her hospital bed. I get it.. She heard the door close and she opened her eyes. With my face in the view, she smiled brightly. I'm beginning to see things differently. "Hi.." She winced in pain and shut her eyes tightly.

It's because of you Taeyeon..I get it. "Please promise me today, that you won't talk." I pulled a chair to her side and sat down. I slipped my hand through hers, lacing them together. She seemed too weak to even respond. "It hurts." She mouthed. You're making me see things differently..and I'm not sure if it's a good thing. She gripped my hands with what remaining force she had left. I couldn't help but do the same to her smaller hands. I'm feeling different towards you Taeyeon..I'm not sure whether it's guilt..or pity...or maybe something else.. Unlike before, she had a heartbeat monitor attached to her now, counting each and every one of her heartbeats. I'm afraid.. of losing something I didn't have in the first place. "Tell me a story.." Taeyeon said. "Anything.." I paused, trying to recollect my thoughts to foretell a story. I suddenly remembered a story my friend had shared with me before. "...One day..my friend's dad brought home a stray cat. They named him Domino because of the white and black spots on his face. Domino was a sweet cat, but he was always kind of broken. He foamed at the mouth when he purred, he couldn't run in a straight line, and he never figured out how to use a cat box." Taeyeon lightly chuckled. "Domino wasn't their only cat. They had more. Seventeen to be exact. My friend moved from the city to the country side, their uncle agreeing to drive all 17 cats in his car to their new location. After all that driving, he released the cats and left without saying a word." Taeyeon's chest was rising normally, unlike before, which gave me immense relief. She was on the verge of falling asleep and I could tell by the way her face relaxed.

"These were city cats, and so within 6 months, half of them vanished into the woods never to be seen again. But not Domino. He never strayed far from their house. My friend loved him a lot, but he was the kind of pet you had to love from a distance. One morning, her brother shook her awake. He yelled something before running out of the room. The room was smoky and when she finally got her senses together, they realized the house was on fire. They all managed to get out of the house, but soon, the house came crumbling down." Taeyeon's mouth opened up slightly and a soft snore came out. I smiled and decided to finish my story. "The next day, my friend returned to the place where her house burned down. She thought about all her cats and cried. But when she cried, she heard a noise. A noise that sounded exactly like Domino. She checked, and there he was. She told me at the very end, "I bought seventeen cats with me to the countryside. Nature, predator, and fire took sixteen to the grave. But not Domino. Not the broken one."" Taeyeon's hands loosened their grip on mine and I found myself creepily staring as she fell asleep. "She told me, "Tiffany, count your blessings. Even if it's a broken one."" I leaned in closer to Taeyeon, resting my head by her shoulder. I whispered quietly, "I'm so thankful for you Taeyeon." I decided to leave her there. I knew she didn't get much sleep because she was in pain all the time, so I left as quietly as possible. It was almost night time and the sun was saying it's goodbyes. I decided it was time to go home. As I was beginning to call my driver, I overheard someone familiar. Deja vu again.. "Mr. and Mrs. Kim. I have great news for you. With the technology we have today, we may be able to cure Taeyeon from her larnyx cancer." That voice..that sentence..I know this.. "But.. There's still a risk to this surgery..especially with her being in this critical state." I turned around and saw the scene playing out in front of me, like it had in a dream. There it was. Taeyeon's parents and siblings. I knew who they were. They weren't just from my dream, they were real. This is real. I began walking towards them, hearing their conversation.

"I'm afraid you won't be able to afford it.." I heard before I stepped in between them. Now this was reality. "No, they can afford it." Dad..I know what I want now. The doctor watched me carefully, eyeing who I was. Jiwoong's brother recognized me and took the advantage. "Tiffany, what are you doing here?" I ignored his question. "Surgery for Taeyeon's cancer right?" I asked the doctor. "H-huh? That's right..or we can put her to sleep considering how expensive the surgery is-" "Don't you dare put her to sleep!" I barked. "They can afford the surgery, because I'm going to pay." Taeyeon's family was taken back by the sudden statement. Her father stepped in. "I'm sorry, but who are you?" I turned to him with a proud smile on my face. "I'm your daughter's angel. She saved my life, so I'm here to save her's." ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I Love You

[ → My Balloon Girl ← ]

"I Love You"

10

____________________________________________________________________________ "No matter what you say, how well you say it, or how long it is, everything prior to 'I love you' is completely, and most indefinitely, washed away by those three words." ~Looking for Angels

The cup clanked echoing throughout the room it's sound. Taeyeon's mother retracted her hand and placed it respectively on her lap making sure to also keep her straight posture fixed. My dad scratched his head and sighed softly before turning to me. "Are you sure you want this as your birthday gift?" He asked loudly enough for everyone to hear. "You sure you don't want something else..? Like, I dunno, the latest smartphone?" "I'm not going to change my mind dad." I said proudly. "What would a smartphone do? In a few months from now, it won't be the latest anyway." "Yeah but.." He paused and crossed his arms. "My co-worker has this really cool smartphone..it can-" "Can it save lives?" I spat out. His mouth was still open due to his unfinished sentence. He sighed again and admitted. "No, it can't." "Dad, you asked me what I wanted. You said anything. And I'm here right now, telling you for the hundredth time. I want to pay for Taeyeon's surgery." Unlike before, my voice was firm. I knew there were millions of other people in the world that had it worst than Taeyeon. But that didn't matter to me. Because I didn't know those millions of people, I know Taeyeon.

I also gladly know that, I believe we are more than just friends. He pucked his lips in and directed his focus on Mr. and Mrs. Kim. "Well, that's my daughter's statement. I'm willing to pay for it if you would allow me to." He extended his hand out in a business-like manner, awaiting the opposite party's response. Without hesitation, Taeyeon's father grabbed onto my father's hands and shook it with happiness. Tears came out of his eyes nonstop like a flowing river. The same went for the rest of Taeyeon's family. "I cannot thank you enough..I will forever be in your debt Mr. Hwang!" He bowed completely straight down. I scanned my father's face for his reaction. A proud smile appeared. "Tiffany-ssi?" Mrs. Kim called me, gesturing me to come over. Our fathers were absorbed in another conversation and I walked on over. "Yes?" I politely asked. "Will you do the honors of telling Taeyeon about her surgery?" She clasped my hands tightly together and I replied with my signature eyesmile. "Of course." ♥♥♥♥ People confuse the source of their happiness. They become temporarily happy when they get a new car, or a new house, or a new marriage. And they think that they are suddenly happy because of this new thing in their life. In reality, they are happy because for a brief moment, they are without desire. But then soon another desire comes along. And the search continues. But I was sure I found my source of happiness. Not temporary happiness. Long-term happiness. It was Taeyeon. I walked into the room with my heart beating in joy when it stopped at the sight of Taeyeon. She was paler than ever. Her lips had lost the red color it had before. Her appearance changed with her head covered in a small tight cap. Her oxygen was being pushed into her by a long tube that ran into her mouth. And despite everything going around her. She was awake. She was unable to smile with the tubes in her mouth, but with her hands, she waved me hello. I clenched my jaw, trying to stay strong.

"Taeyeon..I have some good news for you." Her eyes followed me as I stepped closer to place my hand on her forehead. It relieved me to feel her warm temperature. It relieved me to see that she was still living. Knowing she couldn't talk, I did it myself. "There's a surgery that might cure your cancer." She tried shaking her head. Through her eyes, she told me she already knew about it but knew her parents couldn't pay. I gave her a smile trying to calm her feelings down. "Don't worry TaeTae..about the money, don't worry about it..it's all paid for." By this time, a doctor came in. He seemed to have recognized me as he called me by my name. "Oh hello Tiffany-ssi." I bowed respectfully. "Hello." "I'm so sorry about this." He came over and turned the oxygen machine off. "She told me she was having trouble breathing earlier, so just to be on the safe side, I asked them to do this. We put her on medication, so she should be alright now. " To my surprise, he yanked out the long tubes from Taeyeon. She gasped loudly but was able to breath once again. "She won't be needing this anymore." After a short check-up, the doctor left. Taeyeon smiled at me, something she couldn't do earlier. "Are you okay? That tube seemed really long and painful.." I reached out to ruffle her hair, but it was covered by a cap. "What's this?" She could still talk, but she mouthed the words slowly to me. "Chemo.." "Oh..chemotherapy?" She nodded and pointed at her head. Hair was falling out she explained. "Side effects, I guess." I mumbled. I could understand why her parents couldn't pay for it. I overheard the price of chemo, and it was crazy expensive. "It'll be okay now. You won't have to take chemo. They're scheduling the surgery soon TaeTae.." I leaned over and rested my head on her chest. "It'll be alright. Your battle will be over blue angel." She shook her head slowly and used her hands to talk. Jessica had been teaching me more things, and with my rapid knowledge, I could understand her. "I will just be a burden. I want to

disappear. It'll be better.." My lips turned upside and into a frown. She continued on. "I was never suppose to be born..I was just an accident..my parents.." She was on the verge of tears and I knew it. Despite her actions, I clasped onto her hands stopping her from talking and entwined ours together. "Shh..don't worry about it..none of that is true, okay? Your parents love you so much. So don't think that way TaeTae.." She closed her eyes. "Do it for me Taeyeon, do it for me." ♥♥ Despite Taeyeon's constant objection about the surgery, we scheduled it anyways. With the surgery drawing closer, she was forced to stay in a healthier shape. Though her hair was falling away, her body was stronger and healthier. The surgery still posed some risk, but with the recovery Taeyeon was going through, it seemed small. A week later, a day before the surgery, Taeyeon asked for me to come. It was evening but the sun was still out. I walked into the room for the thousandth time and noticed Taeyeon standing by her opened window staring outside. She was holding onto a pole that carried a liquid bag of her necessary medicine. I made sure to close the door with heavy force so she would hear me. She glanced back and gave a small smile. Her hands moved in a way telling me to come closer. I stood by her side and slung my arm around her shoulder. Her head drooped down and rested on my shoulder. Her hands moved again. "You know, when I got hospitalized, one of your balloons got stuck here." I chuckled. "That was before I knew you were my blue angel. Can you believe that? All I needed was a couple of balloons and fate to find an angel like you." I rested my head on hers in exchange. She let out a long sigh. "Tomorrow is the day." I held onto her tighter.

"Mm hmm." "...I'm scared." "That's okay, that's normal to feel." She shuffled around my arms nervously. "To feel.." She mumbled. I looked down at her hoping she would look into my eyes too. But her focus stayed straight, looking into the distance away. I looked out too and realized why she had been looking out for so long. The view was wonderful. "You could see the beach from here." I pointed. "Look." She nodded again. All was quiet.. "You know why I like the beach so much..? My mom use to take me there a lot when I was younger. We use to.." I closed my eyes. The wind came in and brushed against us softly. "Use to pick up seashells a lot and listen to them. Each and every one had a different sound..it was nice." Taeyeon poked my sides almost tickling me to get my attention. "Hmm?" Looking down on her, with her soft round eyes that seemed so trouble and kind, I could see my reflection in her eyes. She said it this time with her broken rough voice. "Tiffany, will you take me to the beach?"

With a whole lot of convincing and begging, the doctors allowed us to go out. Before we left, they gave us a whole list and lecture about Taeyeon's health and condition. I listened to them blabber on until they finally let us go. I called one of my father's personal drivers to take us there. Even though my father trusted me completely now, he still didn't trust me on driving by myself anymore. The sun seemed to like our town a lot as it would take forever to leave our sight. It still gleamed orange and plastered the darkening light blue sky with it's color. It was slowly setting down..afraid to say good-bye..

I seated Taeyeon down, making sure she wouldn't tire herself out. I slipped my shoes off and dug them deep into the sand. I plopped down on the sand, both my hands behind my back as I leaned my weight on them. "I love this town. Do you Tae?" She leaned closer to my side again and rested her head on my shoulder. A habit she often did. She groaned softly replying back. I searched the sand for any seashells the ocean would give us, but I couldn't find any. "I'd search for some seashells, but I think people already collected them. Well, that's okay, we can look for them another day." "Another day.." Taeyeon tiredly said. "Yup. Another day. After your surgery, you're going to get better. So better that you're going to give me a piggyback ride one of these days across the beach!" I laughed but fell silent after. "So Tae...don't be afraid about doing the surgery.." From the corner of my eye, I saw her grin. "I'm not afraid of the surgery. Just..my feelings. I don't know what I'm feeling anymore." "What do you mean?" "I know the risks, I'm afraid of the risks. You asked me before if I was afraid of dying. I'm not afraid of that.." Her voice got deeper. "I'm afraid of leaving behind the people I love." She stared off mindlessly into the ocean. "Don't worry. The risks are small. You won't leave behind the people you love. Your family, they'll be okay. They're going to wait for you outside the surgery room after you're done." I smiled. "My family.." She paused for a long time. "Are not the only people I love." "Alright, your friends."

She shook her head. "Not only.." She lifted her head off my shoulder and stared at me intensely. Our faces were so close.. I suddenly felt her palm ontop of my hands. She leaned in closer. Unlike before, she was able to speak longer sentences now without getting out of breath. She took a deep breath though, and closed her eyes. The sun shined on half of her face, coloring one brightly and leaving the other side dark. With the false illusion the sun gave off, she looked like she was shining. "I read in a book that fear is an emotion we learn to keep us away from danger." She spoke quietly and subtle. "But I don't think that you can truly live, if you're always running away from danger because you're afraid." She opened her eyes and unlike before, her eyes burned with passion and something else I couldn't quite detect. She continued, "By facing our fears, we feel alive." Her eyes didn't once leave mine. I saw her body shake slightly with hesistation. After what seemed like an eternity... "...so I.." Her eyes dropped down to my lips. She shut her eyes while simultaneously leaning in to capture my lips. She pushed forward and rocked my chin up giving our kiss a whole new depth. I closed my eyes too, just wanting to feel the moment. We had been kissing for so long Taeyeon ran out of breath and pulled back shyly. She couldn't look at me afterwards, her eyes focused on the sand below. "I-I'm so sorry.." She cried. "I-I didn't mean to force you into that.." I couldn't help but grin. I hugged her with my weight leaning forward, pushing her down onto the sand softly. With no other choice, she looked straight up at me. "Do you like me?" I asked knowing the answer full and well. Taeyeon blushed. "I-I.." "Does blue angel like pink angel?" I spoke again.

".....you already know..." She mumbled nervously. "S-since it's already out..I'd like to know how you feel too.." I had always seen Taeyeon as a strong person, fighting off her cancer and whatnot. But underneath me, she seemed so cute and childlike. I took advantage of the situation and placed my lips ontop of hers again. When I pulled back, Taeyeon smiled brightly. "Does that answer your question?" She nodded. "Then, from now on, you can call me yours, and I can call you mine. Deal?" She nodded again. Looking into her eyes, I suddenly remember that feeling I couldn't distingush before. Whether I planned it or not, I accepted it fully and dearly. "I-I'm only going to say this once, okay?" Taeyeon tilted her head. This time, I felt shy and timid. "I..I love you." I blushed intensely, feeling all the blood rush into my face. "Before..I just fell in love what you were writing down on paper. But now, I can't help but love you all the way." "Me too." Taeyeon gently replied. "You saved my life Taeyeon..so I'm going to save yours. So please..that surgery.." I dropped my arms down, coming closer to her for a hug. At that moment, I forgot about my life entirely, only thinking about my source of happiness. I stared off into the beach, suddenly imagining my mom was there watching me in heaven. She must have sent Taeyeon down to help me. My blue angel.. "Do it for me." Unlike before, she completely accepted the idea of surgery. At her own will, she said. "Okay. For you." And smiled. "You saved my life..so I'm here to save yours too.." She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me down. "Tiffany?" She spoke quietly. "Yes?" "Guess what?" "What?" Then suddenly, the words that sparked a firework in my heart.

"I love you."

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

All it took was some Balloons and Faith

[ → My Balloon Girl ← ] "All it took was some Balloons and Faith"

11 Final chapter

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One by one, they all said their mandatory goodbyes and words of encouragement to Taeyeon. She was laying down on the bed, greatly anticipating the surgery. When it came down to my turn, she gave me the brightest smile. "When this is all over..." I wiped Taeyeon's tears away with my thumb. "We can go back to the beach. And you'll be singing for me. Okay?" She mouthed. "Okay." "Okay." I smirked. "I love you." I leaned in for a kiss when I suddenly heard the crowd in awe. Jessica faked her tears and looked at me with a weird expression. "Tiffany baby." She pretended to sob. "You're growing up." She pouted and shoved her face into Krystal's shoulder. "My sister is growing up.." Leo said with the same exact reaction, shoving his face into Krystal's other shoulder. "Why is everyone crying on me?" Krystal said loudly. "Go away!" Everyone laughed at the funny scene and soon, the doctors came to prepare Taeyeon for surgery. They allowed me to hold her hand all the way to the operation room. And when the time finally came, I let go of her hand, making sure the last thing she saw of me was a big smile.

The surgery was a success. Miracle be it, they completely removed the cause of the cancer from her lungs. I sat by her side, holding her hand, waiting for her to wake up. My body felt fatigue after waiting for so long, but I wanted to make sure I was the first thing she would see upon her awakening. One, two, three, four, and several more days passed as I waited for her to wake up. But I stayed patient, waiting for my blue angel to wake up. On the side, I would write down letters for her to

read. Every sentence I ended, I would glance at her to see if she woken up or not. Then continue my writing. One day, I was completely focused about my writing that I hadn't noticed she had woken up. She stirred in her bed causing me to jump back in shock. It had been ten days. "Taeyeon.." I stood up from my seat and kneeled beside her bed. I felt beyond happy to see her awake and living. "You're..you're awake." My smile was so huge that I thought my cheeks would fall off. Taeyeon smiled brightly and opened her mouth to say something. An immediate frown came upon her face after she realized something. Fear controlled her expression as she signaled to me. "My voice..is gone." She gesticulated with tears in her eyes. I nodded sadly. "It was part of the risk.. you won't be able to talk anymore." I clasped her cheeks slightly with my palms, bringing her to look up at me. "But it's okay..you won't need it..because I'll be your voice Taeyeon. I'll be with you forever. I saved your life, finally. So now we can be together." I used my thumbs to push Taeyeon's frown back into a smile. "It's a small price to pay but it's all worth it now that you're awake." Wasting no time, I gave her a kiss again. A year passed by quickly and Taeyeon grew to be a normal person. Though she completely lost her voice, she gained me, her pink angel. Both our parents approved of our relationship without a doubt and for my birthday, my father got me something special. "Ah, seriously dad! You driving and these blindfolds are making me dizzy.." We took a sharp turn and I could feel our car leaving the concrete road. The ride got a little bumpy. "We're almost there. Don't worry, I know you're gonna love it. You and Taeyeon." I had been thinking about what my father would have gotten me. Usually, I would find out whatever secret he was hiding, but this time, everyone kept their mouths shut. Even my honest brother. Taeyeon held onto my hand tightly and I leaned over and gave her a hug.

Then, the car stopped. "We're here. But don't take your blindfolds off yet!" My dad excitedly said like a little kid. He opened our door and held both our hands leading us out of the car. "Take off your shoes." He instructed. We blindly did so and abruptly felt the warm summer sand below our feet. "We're at the beach..?" I said trying to feel around some more. He faced us at some other direction. "Are you ready for your gift Tiffany? And you too Taeyeon?!" "I-I guess!" "Take them off!" He yelled. I lifted my hands up to untie my blindfold. It fell and it took me a quick second to get my vision back on, but when I saw it.. It was a two-story house. The roof stuck out in a pointed cone, the deck extended and welcomed us to the entrance with white stairs. A swinging chair set was placed onto the deck, to maximize the view of the house. It was a beach house, one placed right by the ocean and on the beach, where Taeyeon and I loved it the most. "Dad I.." I was at a lost for words. I thought of what he could have gotten me, but I never dreamed of a house. "This..this is all for us?" "I noticed that you would spend most of your time at the beach with Taeyeon.. 80% at the beach, 20% at home. So I decided..." Taeyeon ran up to my father and gave him a big hug. My father smiled a proud one. I did the same and tackled them both with my hug. "Haha. Well, I'm glad you both love it." He chuckled softly. "There's new things in there..so you won't have to move in any furniture or anything.." "Dad, if there was a better word for love, that's what I would totally say about this house! This is so..perfect..thank you.." Taeyeon agreed by nodding her head. She took a step back and held my

hand again. Looking at each other for a quick moment, we spoke through our eyes. We bowed at the same time, thanking my father for the dream come true. "Well, what are you guys waiting for?" He winked and tossed us the house keys. "Go on in!" I jumped and grabbed it mid-air before pulling Taeyeon into the house with me. The inside was as beautiful as the outside was. The furniture blended in well with the concept of the beach. Wooden chairs accompanied with cusions, the dark wooden floor yet shiny with a glint. The open air concept, it was too beautiful.. "I can't ever pay you back dad.." "That's fine. I don't want you to pay me back. I owe you so much Tiffany..you're a blessing to me. You and Taeyeon." He ruffled Taeyeon's hair heartwarmingly. "So get married you two. Because it doesn't seem like your siblings are any time soon.." "Dad!" I blushed and playfully hit him. "What?" He laughed. "I'm serious. Get married and live here." "Stop it dad..you're embarrassing me..." I covered my face with my palms trying to hide away my smile from Taeyeon. "Aha, well. Happy Birthday dear." He kissed my forehead. "I have another surprise for you, so I'll be back. Take a tour around the house." He left after that. The sun smiled for the both of us as it shined throughout the house. We were standing on the deck when suddenly Taeyeon gave me a kiss on the lips. "What was that for?" I grinned. She gesticulated with her hands. After a year, I was able to understand her completely and throughly. "Happy Birthday." Her hands said. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer. "This house is amazing..but by far." I smirked. "That kiss was the best birthday gift. Can I have another one?" She reflected my smile and nodded, giving me another kiss.

The wind was beginning to pick up and with our summer attire, it got a little cold. We walked back into the house and sat down in our wide living room. "It's been a year huh.." I mumbled to myself. "Time flies fast..your brother is in flight school..Jessica went back into the city with her sister..my sister is thinking of becoming a fashion designer and my brother, a therapist." I paused for a while. "Everyone is moving on..but what about us Taeyeon?" "What about us?" She gesticulated. "What will be doing?" No matter how many minutes I spend look at Taeyeon, I will always, and indefinitely, always keep falling in love with her baby faced look. She pondered for a while before replying. "Well, we can get married like what your dad wants us to do.." I was about to burst into embarassment again until I saw her expression was serious. "...You really want to marry me?" I asked cautiously. "Tiffany, I've already decided that I'll be with you forever. Getting married is just another way of the world knowing that." She kindly smiled. Even if she couldn't talk, she always knew what to say to make me happy. "I love you." I didn't say it out loud, but rather with my hands just like her. She nodded. "Me too."

The other gift turned out to be a small car that came in my favorite color - pink. Taeyeon grunted at the color but accepted her pink fate nevertheless. Afterwards, we explored the house a little more. We came into the second floor and found a piano in one of the rooms. Taeyeon pulled me towards it and sat down.

"For you." She began playing a melody. Though she couldn't sing along with it, I could feel as if the piano was whispering me a soft song. I was focusing on her playing intensely, I didn't notice that she even stopped. "Back then when you confessed to me.." She began. "You said you would be my voice." "That's right.." "...I think I told you before, but I've always wanted to be a singer." "That's right.." She faced my direction and hesistated for a while. But her hesistance stopped when a smile took over. "Tiffany, I have an idea." "And that is?" I pressed down on a piano key, emitting a small tone echoing through the room. "I can't sing, but you can..so.." She fidgeted around nervously. "So.." I repeated. "So..how about, I make the songs..and you sing them? For me?" I didn't change my facial expression for a long time that Taeyeon started to frown. But I lifted her spirits up by suddenly embracing her. "That's a great idea TaeTae. I love it."

And so, Taeyeon began producing music using my voice as the main focal point. We sent them to a local radio, and happily for us, they began playing them on the radio. Soon after, it evolved from the radio, to stations, to TVs, and eventually, I became famous for our hit song. Taeyeon didn't stop working on new songs and I didn't stop on singing.

Many enterainment companies invited me to join their company as a singer. But I rejected them all kindly saying that I wasn't singing for fame, but for Taeyeon. I didn't like the idea of being used just for the sake of money. Plus, being a singer would require me to live in the cities, away from the beach and away from Taeyeon. And there was no way I was letting that happen. Years past, and my life has became stable. Taeyeon strummed on her guitar, humming a melody, writing it down on a piece of paper afterwards. I would work in the kitchen, trying to improve and be a better housewife for Taeyeon once we got married. Life was good and nothing more I could ask for...

I softly sighed, gliding my hands over the finished wood of the coffin. "Tiffany." She yelled. "It's time to go." I nodded and took my hands off the coffin before picking up the group of blue balloons I tied to a chair.

The surgery, the house, the songs, the singing career..the planned out marriage..everything..

Before I exited out the church, I looked back one last time.

It is not the truth. But it is how I like to remember it.

My Name is....

[ → My Balloon Girl ← ] "My Name is..."

Extra Chapter Prequel & Sequel

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A slight push was enough to make me start walking. I held my head down low, trying to hide my face from the crowd of curious students staring. Clasping my hands together, I realized how nervous I was due to the sweat that accumuluated on my palms. "Class, we have a new student." The teacher smiled kindly while resting her gentle palm on my shoulder. "Why don't you introduce yourself?" Despite my anxiety, I managed to spill out my name. I said it quickly and almost inaudibly, but it was good enough for the teacher's standards. My parents told them how shy I could get, and luckily enough for me, she seemed to understand. After brief introductions, she seated me in the front row, squished between two other girls. Soon, the teacher began talking, her body quivering with the intensity of her singsong exclamations, her voice rasping with happiness. Everyone around me joined in her lesson, eager to learn. I tried my best to follow along, but I couldn't help but feel embarrass, especially with one specific girl staring at me. It was in the middle of the class that I saw, with profound shock and embarrassment, the girl leaping up with a considerable amount of blood dripping down her nose.

"Teacher teacher!" A student shrieked. "Taeyeon is bleeding again." The teacher, Kim I believe, placed her pen down gently before swiftly grabbing tissues and placing them on the girl's nose. "Taeyeon." She called her name. "You know what to do, yes?" The girl simply nodded, making sure to bend her head down allowing the blood to flow. She exited out the room in a hasty manner and everyone resumed back to their classroom. Teacher Kim stood up and calmly began wiping the droplets of blood around the classroom. She caught me staring at her with a mixture of emotions and she asked quietly. "Is there something wrong?" "..She...." I glanced at her bloody tissue. ".......nothing." I dropped my head down and pretended to write in hopes Teacher Kim would forget what I said. Much to my liking, she didn't bother pressing on and continued cleaning.

The bell rang and a massive shouting rose. The clock deemed 12:00 and I reasoned it was lunchtime. The two girls sitting by my side suddenly crossed my desk and began talking loudly. I was unsure of their intention, but they made me uncomfortable. I saw students leaving the classroom freely. Pushing my seat from my desk and away from the girls, I picked up my lunchbag and went outside. As I reached for the doorknob, the door opened and I found myself staring at the girl from earlier. She wasn't nosebleeding anymore and she was holding an apple on her other hand. "Sorry." She mumbled before stepping to the side. I didn't say anything and pushed my way through the door before escaping the loud noisy room. Walking down the hallway I noticed everyone had lunchbags fully prepared by their parents. I couldn't help but look back as the door closed, remembering her with just an apple. We had a 30 minute break after. It sort of connected to lunch, giving the playful students a time to rest or socialize. I sat down in my assigned seat hoping someone would start a conversation with me because I knew I wasn't couragous enough to start one of my own. My eyes roamed around the room for

someone, other than myself, that was alone. My eyes locked on the girl. That girl. The nosebleeding apple girl. She was squeezing her nose when she looked at me and stood up. She dashed out the room fairly quickly, not even bothering to close the door. With the time still cruising by slowly, I got up and followed her. It didn't take much effort to find her when I knew there was only place she could have gone to. I entered the bathroom casually and saw her leaning over the sink, blood gushing out of her nose. Too busy with her nosebleeds, she didn't notice me. I reasoned in my mind whether or not to begin a conversation, especially in her condition. But we were alone in the bathroom and I needed to make a new friend. "....You're bleeding." I dumbly said. She glanced at me, not turning her head. I mentally face palmed myself, knowing how stupid of a statement it was. "Uh, I..mean well, yeah I think you already kinda like..knew that.." I nervously began to talk nonsense. "I'll be okay." She answered without a question. With that statement, she already seemed to know what I was going to ask anyway. "..Why?" "Huh?" She rinsed her hands and grabbed some paper towels on the side. Her nose stopped bleeding. "Why do you keep bleeding?" I innocently asked. She shrugged before tossing the dirty towels into the garbage. She motioned me to follow her as she exited out the bathroom. We strolled down into our classroom and made a light conversation. "I'm sick." said the girl. "That's what my parents told me." "So your sickness makes you bleed outta your nose?" She shrugged again. "I guess so." The bell rang and we stopped our conversation there. The girl sat a few seats away from me to the left and down. I couldn't quite focus on the lesson because I had a strange chill

crawl down my back. Whenever I looked back, she was always looking at me. She would continue to stare at me until I look away. It was the strangest thing.

After lining up, the bell rang and everyone was released. Children crowded at the entrance, looking high and low for their guardians. My aunt was unable to pick me up as she was too busy at work, so with no choice, I tried to find my way home. In front of me was the same girl. I stayed focused trying to not get lost in the area when she turned around and faced me. "Where do you live?" She suddenly asked. "If we live nearby, then let's walk together." She offered. "H-huh?" I said flustered. I couldn't remember the way home, but I did remember the street. I told the girl the name. "Then, let's walk together." She bickered me to catch up. "I live around there too." Despite the girl's strange actions, I was secretly thankful she would find my way home. We had a light conversation when we found ourselves by the beach. "My mom told me if I ever got lost, to go to the beach." She clasped onto her bag and looked out into the ocean. "I dunno why." "Maybe it's your secret meet up place or something." She chuckled. "Yeah, maybe." We strolled slowly across the sidewalk staying away from the road. We couldn't think of anything else to talk about, so I chewed on some gum I had. "Y'know." began the girl. "You were the first one to talk to me in months." Her eyes dropped down on the floor sadly. "Huh? Don't you have friends?"

"I do. But ever since I got sick, they all stay away from me. Someone lied and said I'm contagious." She pouted. "I'm not contagious..but no one believes me." I stayed quiet, wondering what contagious even meant. A 2nd grader like me wouldn't know the complexity of that word. She added on. "My mom even said, that she might take me outta school 'cause everyone seems to be bullying me.." "That's not fair." I responded strongly. "I'll be your friend." She smiled, showing off her dorky smile. "I'd like that." I nodded. "So, like your mom, can we have a secret meet up place too?" I excitedly responded, happy to know I had a friend. "Where? My mom said that I shouldn't go out too far.." "The beach can be our meet up place too! It's pretty anyway!" I stuck out my pinky finger and curled the rest in. "Pinky promise. That no one will know of our little secret meet up place but us!" She grinned and stuck her pinky out too. Just as we were about to seal the childish promise, she backed out. "You know..I still don't know your name." She pointed out. "And I don't know yours." I responded. The sun shined on half of her face, giving it a nice healthy glow. As short as she was, she seemed strong and confident. She rubbed her nose and sniffed. "My name is Taeyeon. What's your name?" She curled her fingers in, sealing our promise. "My name is...."

I flipped my pen skillfully around my fingers with little to no attention. Trying to simultaneously flip the page of the report, the pen slipped on my wedding ring and flew out of my hands, hitting Jessica who had just entered the room. "Ouch." She chuckled. "Were you waiting to ambush me or something?" She bent over and picked the pen up, tossing it back to me. "When did you even learn to pen spin?" I caught it carelessly and placed it down. "Taeyeon taught me." I slumped down on my desk and placed my head down, staring at the date intensely. Jessica walked around my desk and pinched my cheeks. I grumbled. "Jessie. I'm almost 30 years old, you have to stop treating me like a little kid." "Nah, you'll always be that same old Tiffany for me." She chuckled. I sighed, pointing at my nametag. "That's Dr. Tiffany to you." Clicking her tongue and winking, she said in defeat. "Alright. Doc. Talking about Taeyeon, how about we visit her?" "Is that why you came here today?" I glanced at the calendar confirming the date. "Today.." She paused. "Today. Yeah, it's her birthday. You have to visit her, she'll get lonely if you don't." Before I could say anything, she pointed at me obviously knowing what I was going to say. "Don't use your job as an excuse not to visit her." I fidgeted around with the magnets that held my nametag on. I used the moment of silence to try to think of another reason or, call it, lie. "That's not it.." "Then what's holding you back? C'mon. Let's go visit TaeTae. I already bought blue balloons and those flowers.. the.. chrysan..crys.." Jessica mumbled trying to pronounce the correct name. "Crysanthemums? Yeah. So let's go..it's not everyday I'm in this town Tiff."

"I'll go after my shift." I tried not to hold eye contact with Jessica, because she always knew what was going on in my head when she looked at me. I convinced myself that the long moment of silence was a victory for me and that Jessica would leave me alone. But instead, she placed her head on my table too, staring into my troubled eyes. "..I know what's wrong." She said quietly when she noticed the uncontrollable tears fall down my face. "Tiffany.." She clasped my face with her ice cold hands and tried to wipe the tears away. "Is this why you became a doctor? Because you regret it? It wasn't your fault." "I know it wasn't my fault..but..I can't help but feel guilty.." I covered my eyes and rubbed them. "Everyday, since then, even after all these years. I still wake up in tears." "...You haven't let go have you?" I knew at this point it was useless lying to Jessica. Hesistantly, I slowly nodded. She pulled my chair in and hugged me. I dug my face into her shoulders and closed my eyes. "Then, we'll send her a message." Jessica spoke softly. "Like how you did with your mom before." I pulled back and grabbed some tissues to wipe my face clean. "What do you mean?" Jessica opened up my drawers in search for pens and paper. "You told me, you two wrote letters to each other by balloons." She chuckled. "It's still a little hard to believe, but I know when you're lying or not." She uncapped a pen and held it out towards me. "We'll write a letter, tie it to a balloon, and hope she'll get it. It happened before, so I'm sure it'll happen again." She ripped out a page from one of my diaries and I yelled at her for doing so, but she brushed it away and said with finality. "Now start writing to your wife."