Murder Mystery at the Borrisom Apartment Bedroom

Murder Mystery at the Borrisom Apartment Bedroom By Dan Finnen

Copyright (c) 2010-2013 by Dan Finnen

This script is free to perform or shoot, please email Dan at dan (at) dungheap.net for written permission. DUNGHEAP.NET

FADE IN:

1

INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM - NIGHT

2

DAVEY, PAT, and GRENDEL all stand around the body of CHAZ. They are all attractive specimens of humanity in their mid twenties. They stare at the body. It’s kind of an interesting object. They stare at it some more. Yup. Real interesting. Somebody should probably say something. Pat recognizes this fact. PAT Oh my god! Somebody murdered Chaz! The magnitude of this fact suddenly hits the group. ALL AAAAHHHHH!! TITLE PLATE: MURDER MYSTERY AT THE BORRISOM APARTMENT BEDROOM

3

INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM - THAT MORNING

4

Displayed on the screen: THAT MORNING Chaz lies in bed. A soft morning light drifts across the room. He wakes, looks about, alone in his peaceful space. It is entirely white. He takes a look under the covers. He is satisfied with what he sees. He puts the covers back in place. The camera appears above Chaz, looking down. Suddenly he snaps to attention and stares straight into it. CHAZ (emotionless, recital) Beneath the surface of waking consciousness I lie, early in the (MORE)

2.

CHAZ (cont’d) morning, looking up into the daylight as a swimmer looking up from the depths. The water I swim in is peaceful, warm to the touch, dry to the skin. It is here that I first fell in love, it is here that I have died many times over. Here I transcend. Here I am at peace. This is the heaven we cannot think of, this is the heaven that exists. Early in the morning, before the alarm sounds, as the light from seven minutes away creeps up the side of my building, into my window, across the floor, onto my fingertips, up my arm, and into my chest, a truth strikes me: The camera returns to normal position. Chaz sighs and turns to his side to continue sleeping. Pat, clad in her underwear and something less, enters. She gets in the bed. She lies for a second, then turns. Then again. She can’t get comfortable. She gives up and sits up. PAT Your breath smells like wet donkey fur! Get up! Get up! Chaz wakes up and sits up. CHAZ What? PAT I can’t sleep! Get out of the bed! CHAZ But I can’t. PAT What? CHAZ Get up. PAT Why?

3.

CHAZ I have an... erection. Pat checks under the covers and sighs. CHAZ (cont’d) (impressed?) Yeah? PAT I don’t care! This is my bed! CHAZ You can’t just make me leave! They try to stare down each other. Pat suddenly breaks away and looks up. She has realized something strange. PAT Wait. Why are you in my bed in the first place? CHAZ I... don’t know. What did we do last night? PAT I don’t remember. I blacked out. CHAZ I don’t think we had sex. I have an erection right now though. PAT I heard. Pause. They think. CHAZ Want to have sex now? PAT Get out of my bed! The doorbell rings. Pat looks at the clock. PAT (cont’d) Shit! Fuck! That’s my boyfriend! Get out! CHAZ The erection!

4.

PAT Fine! Hide in the covers! Pat exits as the doorbell continues to ring. Chaz lazily covers himself with an excess of pillows and covers. We hear Pat open a door. PAT (cont’d) (from other room) Why, hello there Davey! DAVEY (from other room) Sweet honey cakes of sugarpie plums! Um... may I inquire as to why are you in your underwear? Pat and Davey appear in the bedroom. PAT Uh... I wanted to have... lunch... here... in our underwear. DAVEY Oh joy! Good thing I wore my tear-offs! Davey tears off his pants. PAT Oh, wow! DAVEY (giving himself a high five) Yes! An awkward pause abruptly crashes through the room like a horrid car wreck. Davey and Pat stare at each other in their underwear. The bed moves slightly from Chaz. DAVEY (cont’d) ...So you want to make out or something? PAT ...Sure. Brief pause. Suddenly they grab each other and start passionately making out on the bed on top of Chaz.

5.

CHAZ (muffled, from under the covers) AAAAUUGHH!! Davey stops. DAVEY What was that? PAT That... was... my cry of passion. DAVEY You sounded like a young adult male muffled by several layers of comfortable yet affordable American bedding material. PAT ...Thank you. Brief pause. Suddenly, they continue passionately making out. CHAZ (muffled, from under the covers) aaaaaaaAAAAUGH!! Davey stops. DAVEY There it was again! PAT No! That was just me! DAVEY Nonsense! My tongue did not detect your mouth attempting to make any noise of that sort! Davey gets off the bed. DAVEY (cont’d) Do not fear, for I anticipated such strife today and brought my gun. Davey pulls a pistol out of his underwear.

6.

DAVEY (cont’d) Stand back my love, I’m going to shoot the bed a few times. PAT IThe doorbell rings. PAT Who’s that? DAVEY Shit! Fuck! It’s my wife! PAT Wait. You’re married? I thought I was your girlfriend! DAVEY Get in the bed! Get under the covers! No time for questions! No time! PAT This is my house! Why is she coming over here? DAVEY THERE’S NO TIME! Davey runs out of the room. Pat throws the mess of covers and pillows over her head. PAT Move over! CHAZ There’s no room! PAT THERE’S NO TIME! We hear a door open. DAVEY (off camera) Hello Grendel, my sweetest booty boo of beautiful boo poo choo! Grendel walks into the room wearing a large coat followed by Davey.

7.

GRENDEL I just happened to be in the apartment down the hallway when my phone informed me you were here. I knew that GPS tracking chip I installed in your left knee would be most handy. DAVEY Yes, sweetest, it burns whenever you come within thirty feet of my location. GRENDEL Now as you surely understand, I must inquire as to why you have forgone pants in this residence? DAVEY You see, this friend who lives here is a very queer sort of friend. He is scared of things that remind him of the war. That is why he left just as you entered and why I do not have pants. Pants and strangers remind him of his days under the harsh hail of bullets. ...In the war. GRENDEL This is unfortunate indeed. Take my coat. Davey does so. GRENDEL (cont’d) I wish to share with you a purchase I have recently made which I believe will prove invaluable. DAVEY Is it a politically-themed sex toy? GRENDEL No, we can no longer indulge in those after the incident. Dearest, you are forgetting things. DAVEY (sadly, wistfully) I forget lots of things.

8.

GRENDEL We all do. Its as if we live somewhere between dreams and reality, all constructed with the tissue paper our minds call thought. Consciousness is an unstable state I’m afraid. DAVEY It does seem that way sometimes. GRENDEL But enough of this pontificating. I want to show you my new baby. Grendel removes a small sledge hammer from her purse. GRENDEL (cont’d) Yes? DAVEY ...I’m afraid I don’t understand. GRENDEL Perhaps if I demonstrate. Grendel grabs a white pop can off a white shelf and places it on the floor. GRENDEL (cont’d) Exhibit A. Grendel carefully steadies the sledge hammer, then brings it down heavily onto the can, smashing it completely. A yelp escapes from the bed from Chaz and Pat. Grendel picks up the can and hands it to Davey. GRENDEL (cont’d) (presenting the smashed can) Exhibit B. DAVEY ...I’m afraid I don’t understand. GRENDEL With this object I have found that I can compress space and alter reality.

9.

DAVEY ...? GRENDEL It’s a magic hammer! DAVEY Oh! Why didn’t you say so! That’s fantastic! Let me try it! GRENDEL Why, of course my darling dear. DAVEY Quite coincidentally, before you arrived I was just planning to shoot this mound in the bed with my gun! However, I think leveling it with this mallet of yours is a far more stimulating option. GRENDEL My, my, you always do find yourself in the most interesting of situations. Please, don’t let me keep you. Compress away! DAVEY Here we go! Davey gets set to smash the mound of the bed where Chaz and Pat reside. Just before he brings down the hammer, Pat squeals and crawls out of the bed. PAT AUGH! DON’T HIT ME! What are you doing? Didn’t you remember I was under there?! DAVEY (sadly, wistfully) I forget lots of things it seems. GRENDEL And who is this voluptuous young lady wearing only her underwear and yet something less? PAT I’m his... Grendel?!

10. GRENDEL Patrica Permuphuck?! A pause of the most dramatic sort. DAVEY Wait... you know each other? GRENDEL (poorly lying) ...No... she must have... confused me with... the show. Pat and Davey are confused. DAVEY My dear, that is quite possibly the most confusing utterance that you have uttered thus far in your current mortal state. Melodrama fills the room. GRENDEL Fine! I won’t hide anything! I’m going to put it all on the coffee table! Pat! I love you! PAT And I love you! I always have! DAVEY No... GRENDEL I want to envelop you with all the strings that multiply and vibrate through the eleven dimensions of myself! PAT I want to find some higher frequency where I can resonate within the bottom of your liver and become one with the tissue and blood I cannot touch! DAVEY No... GRENDEL The English language fails me in my declaration of love for you.

11.

PAT Then it is time we abandon it. GRENDEL Yes, it is all we can do. PAT (seductively) Tibrakoka, shambagin, forsworthy. GRENDEL (shocked, elated) Yamak wob! PAT (erotically.) Ib isbiso, wagasnoki! GRENDEL (erotically.) Ub... mewbo... snazz. DAVEY NO! NO! I CANNOT BREATHE THIS AIR ANYMORE! I WILL NOT LET THIS HAPPEN! I REFUSE TO BECOME A SECOND RATE CHARACTER! I AM THE FOCUS! I WILL ACCEPT NO OTHER REALITY! COMMENCE COMPRESSION AND ALTERATION! Davey grabs his gun and shoots Pat in the back. Pat gasps and falls to the ground. Blood fills her mouth and spills out of a new hole carved in her back. GRENDEL HOW DARE YOU TEAR THIS MATTER APART! Grendel grabs the sledge hammer and swings it up to crush Davey’s lower jaw simultaneously as Davey shoots Grendel in the stomach. Davey slips and falls to the ground, blood seeping from his crushed jaw, and gives up life to the fold. Grendel falls down next to Pat, trying to hold in the waves of blood emerging from her new wound. She rolls over to Pat and holds onto her face, blood on her hands and dripping from her teeth.

12.

PAT (weak) Grendel. GRENDEL This world can’t contain us. The two of us is too much for a single room, this cataclysm was inevitable, a matter of time. We now must become one to survive. Let the liquid of my mind fall into the crevices in the cavities of your face and the strings our existence meld together. Let us add to become a whole. PAT (simply) This isn’t so bad. GRENDEL (simply, routine) No. It really isn’t. I love you. PAT (simply, routine) Love you too. They die. Reality tears and struggles within itself. Suddenly: A shift occurs. Chaz throws the covers off his face and the camera once more moves to the ceiling. He talks straight into the lens. CHAZ (emotionless, recital) I didn’t mention this before, but this morning I had a common dream once more in a different form. I was watching three people I know stand over my body in a room that I frequent on occasion. To their horror, they realized I had perished from this life. Slowly the realization of the end of existence pushed itself up their body in that horrible way one freezes only in dreams.

13.

Chaz sits up in bed. The camera is back on the floor. We can see the carnage left behind by Chaz, Pat and Grendel. Chaz continues to speak to the camera, but this time with his full range of expression. CHAZ (cont’d) But returning to events just unfolded: don’t you just fucking hate it when your friends leave you out of everything? Chaz tosses himself back on his side and goes to sleep. FADE OUT.

5