Mixed Male Monologues

WAAPA AUDITION PIECES FOR MEN 2011 2011 Intake Intak e ACTING COURSE You must prepare two pieces from this section including one Classical piece.

MUSIC THEATRE COURSE (BA) & CERTIFICATE You must prepare any one piece from this section in addition to the two songs.

FOOL FOR LOVE by Sam Shepard

EDDIE  And we walked right through town. Past the donut shop, past the miniature golf course, past the Chevron station. And he opened the bottle up and offered it to me. Before he even took a drink, he offered it to me first. And I took it and drank it and handed it back to him. And we just kept passing it back and forth like that as we walked until we drank the whole thing dry. And we never said a word the whole time. Then, finally, we reached this little white house with a red awning, on the far side of town. I’ll never forget the red awning because it flapped in the night breeze and the porch light made it glow. It was a hot, desert breeze and the air smelled like new cut alfalfa. We walked right up to the front porch and he rang the bell and I remember getting real nervous because I wasn’t out for a expecting to visit anybody. I thought we were just out for a walk. And then this woman comes to the door. This real pretty woman with red hair. And she throws herself into his arms. And he starts crying. He just breaks down right there in front of me. And she’s kissing him all over the face and holding him real tight and he’s just crying like a baby.  And then through the doorway, behind them both. I see this girl. She just appears. She’s  just standing there, staring at m e and I’m staring back at her and we can’t take our eyes off each other. It was like we knew each other from somewhere but we couldn’t place where. But the second we saw each other, that very second, we knew we’d never stop being in love.

SEX DIARY OF AN INFIDEL by Michael Gurr

MARTIN It is, isn’t it. Strange for you. I’m sure. What’s that word you use? Easier? Easy? Well. If I think the world is a bad place, a, what? An abattoir - ? Then it does make it easy. Hey, I’m  just one more bad cell in the cancer. One more blowfly. But you’re wrong. You’re actually wrong. That’s not what the world is. If you were right nothing would work. Everything would stop. What are you saying? The world is a shit heap, so let’s become the entrepreneurs of shit? No. Every time you hear about some bad thing, some piece of torture somewhere, some country we’ve written off, think about what everyone else was doing. OK, so in a dark room someone is having their skin stripped, but in that same country people are cooking meals for each other, feeding their children, helping some old man to the toilet, I don’t know. But doing it. But cooking. Making love. Does that put a look of disappointment on my face? Is that what you’re talking about.

Saying it’s all fucked so what’s the point – you’re just sliding off the hook.

SEXUAL PERVERSITY IN CHICAGO By David Mamet

BERNIE So all of a sudden I hear coming out of the phone: “Rat Tat Tat Tat Tat, Ka POW! AK AK  AK AK AK AK AK Ka Pow!” So fine. I’m pum ping away, the chick on the other end is making airplane noises, every once in a while I go BOOM, and the broad on the bed starts going crazy. She’s moaning and groaning and about to go the whole long route. Humping and bumping, and she’s screaming “Red dog One to Red dog Squadron”… all of a sudden she screams “Wait.” She wriggles out, leans under the bed, and she pulls out this five-gallon  jerrycan.

Opens it up … it’s full of gasoline. So she splashes the mother all over the walls, whips a fuckin’ Zippo out of the Flak suit, and WHOOSH, the whole room is in flames. So the whole fuckin’ joint is going up in smoke, the telephone is going “Rat Tat Tat,” the broad jumps back on the bed and yells “Now, give it to me now for the love of Christ.” (Pause) so I look at the broad … and I figure … fuck this nonsense. I grab my clothes, I peel a sawbuck off my wad, as I make the door I fling it at her. “For cab fare,” I yell. She doesn’t hear nothing. One, Two, Six, I’m in the hall. Struggling into my shorts and hustling for the elevator. Whole fucking hall is full of smoke, above the flames I just make out my broad, she’s singing “Off we go into the Wild Blue Yonder,” and the elevator arrives, and the whole fucking hall is full of firemen. (Pause) Those fucking fireman make out like bandits. (Pause)

THE KID by Michael Gow DEAN Tell you a story. ‘Sharing is the basis of a good relationship’. Snake read that out to us out of New Idea. First fuck. I was eleven. She was twenty. Superb woman. She was engaged to our local Tae Kwon do instructor. I was his star pupil. When she met me she broke off the engagement. She gave back the ring. He wasn’t too happy about that. He thought he’d get me in a late-night ambush. I found out about it through a network of friends. One night at class I forgot to hold back and attacked with full force. His pelvis was shattered. There was this midnight mercy dash to the city. We all celebrated – she, me and a few close friends – by each drinking a bottle of Brandivino at the drive-in. sick? We nearly died. Her ex was on his back for seven months. The Italians have a saying: ‘Revenge is a dish that tastes sweetest when served cold.’ Now. How old?

THE LARAMIE PROJECT By Moisés Kaufmann

ANDREW GOMEZ I was in there, I was in jail with Aaron in December. I got thrown in over Christmas.  Assault and battery, two counts. I don’t wanna talk about it. But we were sittin’ there eatin’ our Christmas dinner, tryin’ to eat my stuffing, my motherfucking bread, my little roll and whatnot, and I asked him, I was like, “Hey, homey, tell me something, tell me something please, why did you - “ Okay, I’m thinking how I worded this, I was like, “Why did you kill a faggot if you’re gonna be destined to BE a faggot later?” You know? I mean, think about it, he’s either gonna get humped a lot or he’s gonna die. So why would you do that, think about that, I don’t understand that.

 And you know what he told me? Honest to God, this is what he said, he goes: “He tried to grab my dick.” That’s what he said, man! He’s dumb, dog, he don’t even act like it was nothin’.

Now I heard they was auctioning those boys off. Up there in the max ward, you know, where the killers go, I heard that when they found out Aaron was coming to prison, they were auctioning those boys off. “I want him. I’ll put aside five, six, seven cartons of cigarettes.” Auction his ass off. I’d be scared to go to prison if I was those two boys.

THE SUM OF US By David Stevens Scene 47

JEFF Its not that flamin’ easy. Doesn’t just happen to order. The choice is a bit more limited for one thing. Maybe some places like San Francisco, all the blokes wear their dicks on their sleeves, they reckon.

I don’t want to live like that, Dad. I don’t want to live in a world that just begins and ends with being gay. I like having all sorts of people around kids and old folks, every sort of person there is. I don’t want to live in a world without women. I like women. Me and the girls in the office get on great. They know and they don’t care. We laugh about it. Fancy the same blokes sometimes. Even fancied a couple of the girls. Done it with a few of them just to make sure I wasn’t missing out on anything.

[HARRY suddenly pokes his head out from behind the Christmas trees. ]

See what I mean about getting your hopes up? I like doing it with blokes, Dad. I don’t think that’s ever going to change because I don’t want it to. I don’t want to be limited by other people’s ideas of who I am. Yours or anyone else’s.

You’ve been great, mate. Best Dad in the world, I reckon. Fairest, that’s a certain fact. I don’t often say it, but its Christmas, so thanks mate, for everything. You give me the first class shits at times, and I suppose I do you, but I don’t think there’s many got a father like you.

IN OUR TOWN by Jack Davis DAVID He was seventeen when he joined up. Put his age up, his name was Tim. A sort of cousin. He was just a stray who came to live with us when he was about thirteen or fourteen. We joined up together, [He laughs] and when we got our orders to go overseas they had a send-off, sort of farewell party for all the enlisted men from Northam.  Anyway, Tim and I went along. There was a big crowd, tw o hundred or more. The only bloke who came along and spoke to us to wish us luck was the local pound keeper.  Anyway we left, got a couple of bottles and went home to the reserve and sort of had our own party. You know the brass had some notion just because we were black we would make good forward scouts. Anyway, like me, that’s what they made him. A dangerous  job. He wasn’t cut out for the army. As a kid he was always scared...afraid of the dark...his own shadow...physical violence...a real dreamer. It was at Wewak. They sent him up ahead of the patrol. He came back and reported a large concentration of Japs on the side of a hill, but the Lieutenant wasn’t satisfied. So he sent him back again. He came back and reported the Jap’s position again, even the number of Japs, and this bastard of an officer sent him back for the third time. I offered to go, but they wouldn’t let me. I found him the next day in the valley on the bank of a creek. He had managed to stuff his field dressing into the wound in his chest, but it wasn’t enough. [Silence] The Japs. They were starving. [Silence] They stripped all the flesh off his legs, his thighs. They cannibalised him. And I can’t help thinking if he had been white it wouldn’t have happened.

HENRY VI PART 3 by William Shakespeare RICHARD What, will the aspiring blood of Lancaster Sink in the ground? I thought it would have mounted. See how my sword weeps for the poor King’s death, O, may such purple tears be always shed From those that wish the downfall of our house! If any spark of life be yet remaining, Down, down to hell; and say I sent thee thither – I that have neither pity, love, nor fear. Indeed ‘tis true that Henry told me of: For I have often heard my mother say I came into the world with my legs forward. Had I not reason, think ye, to make haste  And seek thei run that usurp’d our right? The midwife wonder’d, and the women cried ‘o Jesu bless us, he is born with teeth!’  And so I wa, which planly signified That I should snarl, and bite, and play the dog. Then, since the heavens have shap’d my body so, Let hell make crook’d my mind to answer it. I have no brother, I am like no brother;  And this word ‘love’, which greybeards call divine, Be resident in men like one another,  And not in me: I am myself alone. Clarence, beware; thou keep’st me from the light, But I will sort a pitchy day for thee; For I will buzz abroad such prophecies  As Edward shall be fearful of his life;  And then, to purge his fear, I’ll be thy death King Henry and the Prince his son are gone; Clarence, thy turn is next, and then the rest, Counting myself but bad till I be best. I’ll throw thy body in another room,  And triumph, Henry, in thy day of doom

HAMLET By William Shakespeare Act Two Scene I

HAMLET O all you host of heaven ! O earth! What else ?  And shall I couple hell ? O,fie! H old, hold, my heart;  And you, my sinews, grow not instant old, But bear me stiffly up. Remember thee !  Ay, thou poor ghost, whiles memory holds a seat In this distracted globe. Remember thee ! Yea, from the table of my memory I’ll wipe away all trivial fond records,  All saws of books, all forms, all pressures past, That youth an observation copied there,  And thy commandment all alone shall live Within the book and volume of my brain, Unmix’d with baser matter. Yes, by heaven ! O most pernicious woman ! O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain ! My tables – meet it is I set it down That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain;  At least I am sure it may be so in Denmark. So, uncle, there you are. Now to my word: It is ‘Adieu, adieu ! Remember me’. I have sworn’t.

HENRY V By William Shakespeare Act Three Scene I HENRY Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more; Or close the wall up with our English dead. In peace there's nothing so becomes a man  As modest stillness and humility: But when the blast of war blows in our ears, Then imitate the action of the tiger; Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood, Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage; Then lend the eye a terrible aspect; Let pry through the portage of the head Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm it  As fearfully as doth a galled rock O'erhang and jutty his confounded base, Swill'd with the wild and w asteful ocean. Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide, Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit To his full height. On, on, you noblest English. Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof! Fathers that, like so many Alexanders, Have in these parts from morn till even fought  And sheathed their swords for lack of argum ent: Dishonour not your mothers; now attest That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you. Be copy now to men of grosser blood,  And teach them how to war. And you, good yeoman, Whose limbs were made in England, show us here The mettle of your pasture; let us swear That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not; For there is none of you so mean and base, That hath not noble lustre in your eyes. I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips, Straining upon the start. The game's afoot: Follow your spirit, and upon this charge Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!'

JULIUS CAESAR By William Shakespeare Act Three Scene II ANTONY If you have tears, prepare to shed them now. You all do know this mantle: I remember The first time ever Caesar put it on; 'Twas on a summer's evening, in his tent, That day he overcame the Nervii: Look, in this place ran Cassius' dagger through: See what a rent the envious Casca made: Through this the well-beloved Brutus stabb'd;  And as he pluck'd his cursed steel away, Mark how the blood of Caesar follow'd it,  As rushing out of doors, to be resolved If Brutus so unkindly knock'd, or no; For Brutus, as you know, was Caesar's angel: Judge, O you gods, how dearly Caesar loved him! This was the most unkindest cut of all; For when the noble Caesar saw him stab, Ingratitude, more strong than traitors' arms, Quite vanquish'd him: then burst his mighty heart;  And, in his mantle muffling up his face, Even at the base of Pompey's statua, Which all the while ran blood, great Caesar fell. O, what a fall was there, my countrymen! Then I, and you, and all of us fell down, Whilst bloody treason flourish'd over us. O, now you weep; and, I perceive, you feel The dint of pity: these are gracious drops. Kind souls, what, weep you when you but behold Our Caesar's vesture wounded? Look you here, Here is himself, marr'd, as you see, with traitors.

THE MERCHANT OF VENICE Act Four Scene I SHYLOCK What judgment shall I dread, doing no wrong? You have among you m any a purchased slave, Which, like your asses and your dogs and mules, You use in abject and in slavish parts, Because you bought them: shall I say to you, Let them be free, marry them to your heirs? Why sweat they under burthens? let their beds Be made as soft as yours and let their palates Be season'd with such viands? You will answer 'The slaves are ours:' so do I answer you: The pound of flesh, which I demand of him, Is dearly bought; 'tis mine and I will have it. If you deny me, fie upon your law! There is no force in the decrees of Venice. I stand for judgment: answer; shall I have it?

MACBETH By William Shakespeare Act Five Scene III MACBETH She should have died hereafter; There would have been a time for such a word. To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day To the last syllable of recorded time,  And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player, That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,  And then is heard no more; it is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.

MACBETH By William Shakespeare Act One Scene II SERGEANT Doubtful it stood;  As two spent swimmers, that do cling together  And choke their art. The merciless Macdonwald-Worthy to be a rebel, for to that The multiplying villanies of nature Do swarm upon him--from the western isles Of kerns and gallowglasses is supplied;  And fortune, on his damned quarrel smiling, Show'd like a rebel's whore: but all's too weak: For brave Macbeth--well he deserves that name-Disdaining fortune, with his brandish'd steel, Which smoked with bloody execution, Like valour's minion carved out his passage Till he faced the slave; Which ne'er shook hands, nor bade farewell to him, Till he unseam'd him from the nave to the chaps,  And fix'd his head upon our battlements.