Table of Contents Introduction .......................................................................................................................................... 4 The Psychology of Manipulation...................................................................................................... 8 What Is Manipulation? .................................................................................................................. 8 How Does Manipulation Work? .................................................................................................. 9 Why Does Manipulation Work? ................................................................................................ 11 Powers Of Persuasion ....................................................................................................................... 13 3 Powerful Persuasion Principles ............................................................................................... 14 Prime The Pump – Get Inside Their Head................................................................................... 18 The 6 Facts Behind Why Priming Works ................................................................................ 18 “Under The Radar” Manipulation (URM) ................................................................................... 24 3 Under-The-Radar Manipulation Techniques ...................................................................... 25 Intuitive Manipulation ..................................................................................................................... 28 Go With The Flow ........................................................................................................................ 29 3 Ways To Follow Your Instincts............................................................................................... 30 The Art Of Conversation ................................................................................................................. 32 7 Steps To Scintillating Conversation ....................................................................................... 33 Sleight Of Mind: Mental Tricks To Get Your Own Way........................................................... 38 The 4-Point Sleight Of Mind Routine ....................................................................................... 40 Don’t Psyche Yourself Out .............................................................................................................. 43 4 Techniques For Interacting With Others .............................................................................. 44 Help: I’ve Got Nothing To Say!....................................................................................................... 49 3 Reasons Why Conversation Is Easy ....................................................................................... 50 Getting Emotional ............................................................................................................................. 52 4 Irresistible Emotions ................................................................................................................. 54
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Tell It Like It Is ................................................................................................................................... 62 5 Techniques To Get People To Listen ..................................................................................... 63 Make A Magic Connection .............................................................................................................. 72 Matching & Mirroring ................................................................................................................. 74 Anchoring Feelings ....................................................................................................................... 75 Hypnotic Conversation .................................................................................................................... 79 Hypnotic Mind Control ................................................................................................................... 82 3 Ways To Infiltrate Someone’s Imagination .......................................................................... 82 Modern Manipulation Terms ......................................................................................................... 87 Conclusion .......................................................................................................................................... 92
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Introduction Are you a loser?
I deliberately ask this provocative question to make you think. And you do need to think: you need to think about the answers to the following questions. Be as honest as you can with your answers:
Have you got any friends?
Is your social circle embarrassingly small?
Do you find that people don’t seem to want to talk to you?
Are you the person left on his own in the corner at gatherings?
Do you find it hard to meet new people?
Is it a struggle for you to form relationships with the opposite sex?
Do you feel awkward when you approach someone you’re interested in?
Do you believe that they couldn’t possibly be interested in you?
Believe it or not, there’s a bit of a loser in all of us.
Most people want to be better at communicating, better at making friends, to have more friends, to be more likeable, to be the person others look up to and admire. And we can be, too, if we just make a few slight changes to the way we do things.
Let’s go back to those questions I asked above.
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Imagine that you answered in the negative to each of these questions, i.e. you don’t have many friends, your social circle is tiny, no-one wants to talk to you, etc. If you add all these points up, it seems overwhelming. But if you attack them one by one, then it’s not so bad.
And that’s what you have to get into your head right now. You don’t have to go out and get plastic surgery, leave the country for a year studying a foreign language, or enroll as a spy for the FBI. Just one or two subtle changes could be enough to make you stand out from the crowd and get noticed by people you want to get noticed by.
What we’re really talking about here is control.
In many of the situations that relate to the questions above, control is taken away from you. This book will help you regain the advantage and put control back into your own hands.
You’ll be in control of situations. You’ll be the one who instigates conversations. You’ll be the one who’s not afraid to approach other people and speak to them, ask them out or contribute to what they have to say. And all you really need to be able to do that is confidence and a selection of sure-fire techniques that you can rely on.
But first, I need to ask you another question. Answer honestly, just as before:
Are you a loner?
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Being a loner isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It suits some people down to the ground. But I guess if you’re reading this book, it’s because you’d rather not be a loner. After all, loners can often end up – well, lonely. And that’s not such a great place to be.
I’m not talking about simply having time to yourself. Everybody should have that.
But spending all of your time by yourself, day after day, is unhealthy. People need other people. If you were the only person on earth you’d have an excuse. But you’re not, so get with the program.
If you’re shy, and you think that’s where your problems stem, think again. Shy people get that way because they’re afraid to put themselves forward. I’ll show you some simple techniques you can use that’ll help you stand out from the crowd, that won’t hurt you in any way and that will help you break the ice and start enjoying life the way it’s meant to be enjoyed.
With other people.
Ready to have those cobwebs blown away from your brain?
Then hold on!
You’re going to discover things you might not believe are possible, like how to make people do what you want, how to get inside their heads and how to become ridiculously popular with whomever you meet.
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All I ask you to do is be brave, be bold, be patient and do what I tell you to do. Believe in yourself and the things you read in this book. They’ve worked for other people, and they’ll work for you, too.
But first, let’s find out what all the fuss is about.
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The Psychology of Manipulation What Is Manipulation? According to the online edition of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, manipulation means:
to manage or utilize skillfully to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage
Two words stand out from the rest in these definitions, i.e. manage and control.
To truly take advantage of the opportunities to get people to do what you want, you need to be able to manage situations and control the people in those situations.
And the most important aspect of the two is – control.
Don’t let words like unfair or insidious put you off, either. There’s nothing wrong with taking control of your life, with being more personable, with having more people around you. We’re not talking about being able to brainwash someone into robbing a bank for you or shooting the next door neighbor.
For the purposes of this book, manipulation means skillfully getting people to do what you want them to do in certain manageable situations.
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To be honest, even the most spectacular hypnotists among us can’t make people do things against their will.
Manipulation is a clever way of persuading, a slightly underhand way of getting into people’s heads and making them do things one way instead of another. But it’s not a form of indoctrination or programming. And most of the time you’ll only use these techniques once on one person at a time, and then you’ll move on.
In any case, everybody does it.
Most people do it without realizing, and that’s the main difference. But you’re going to be able to call on these tactics whenever you need them to take control of your life – and improve it.
How Does Manipulation Work? Your girlfriend wants to go and see a movie. It’s a chick flick, and she knows you won’t be interested.
So, she manipulates you into it.
She makes your favorite meal. She lets you have your way with her. She agrees to let you go and play golf on Saturday morning, even though that’s when she wants to shop for new kitchen cabinets. And she does all of this with the proviso that all you have to do is take her to see the movie.
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And what happens? You cave. Of course you do! Look at how much stuff you’re getting out of the bargain. You’d be silly not to, right?
But in reality, you’re being manipulated.
Whether it’s your mother, your sister, your girlfriend or your wife doing the manipulating, that’s exactly what’s happening. And most of the time you’re not even aware that it’s happening. But since it doesn’t actually cause you any pain or discomfort, what’s the difference?
Incidentally, manipulation isn’t confined to the female gender. Anyone who knows what they’re doing can take control of another person, given the right circumstances.
So that gives you an idea of how manipulation works. No doubt it rings a few bells. But the more interesting question is: why does it work?
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Why Does Manipulation Work? The reason you can manipulate someone else is down to the nature of the species.
Human beings have a need to communicate, to be loved, to be with other people. It’s not so crucial what we’re doing with these other people, as long as we’re with them. We’re not supposed to exist in isolation, which is why we’re so intrigued by those “castaway” adventures from Robinson Crusoe up to the modern day reality shows.
No man (or woman) is an island. That means we can’t exist on our own.
We need company, even if it’s superficial. Otherwise we’ll simply go insane.
You can use that knowledge to get inside people’s heads, to make them behave in certain ways, and to get what you want from them. Sure, it’s callous on one level, until you realize that everybody else is doing it. And the more successful the person is, the more manipulative.
It’s not news: it’s just the way it is.
That’s why advertisers use models and top athletes to sell their products. They know that we attribute success to these people, and we’re likely to attribute at least part of that success to the product they’re endorsing.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s back up a bit and see what this manipulation thing is really all about.
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To show you just how easy it can be to get in on what everybody else seems to have, we’ll start things off with three simple tricks borrowed from the NLP community.
Get ready to watch your powers of persuasion soar!
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Powers Of Persuasion Ever notice how “successful” people behave?
They’re cocky, sometimes arrogant. They can afford to be, because they’ve made it. Their success might be in business or any other area of life, but wherever it is they’ve achieved their goals. So they’re allowed to be a little bit vain about it.
One other thing you’ll notice is how important they seem to be. They feel important within themselves, and that tells everybody else around them that they are important. Sometimes it’s not the way other people see you that counts; it’s the way you think other people see you. In other words, it’s all about attitude.
Successful people are confident. They believe in themselves. They know that if they want something to happen, it’s going to happen.
You need to be like that, too. In order to implement these persuasion principles successfully, a little confidence goes a long way.
Swallow hard, my friend, and take the bull by the horns. You’ll be amazed at the results you can achieve.
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3 Powerful Persuasion Principles 1. Ask Questions The Right Way
Imagine trying to impress some dope chick and asking; “Want to go for a drive?”
Not very interesting. You’re letting her take control, and that will never do. You’ve asked the question, which is a start, but you’ve asked it in the wrong way. You’ve given her the option of simply saying “No” – which is what might just happen. There’s no room in the question you asked for her to say “Yes” – and no reason why she should.
But don’t fret. There’s one technique you can use that’s almost guaranteed to get the response you’re hoping for. Instead of asking a simple question, make a statement first, and then tag a question on the end, like this:
“You want to go for a drive with me, don’t you?”
This way, you’re implying the answer is already a foregone conclusion. You’re telling her that she really does want to go for a drive with you. And believe it or not, that’s exactly how she’ll hear it. She can’t simply respond with a basic “No” because you haven’t given that option. You’ve planted the “Yes” seed in her brain, and she’ll have a hard time trying to respond in any other way.
I told you it was easy!
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2. Easy As ESP
Now let’s examine the second method of persuasion, where you get to read people’s minds.
Once again, it’s not that you are reading their minds; it’s just that’s what it appears to be. People respond to the words you use and the way you use them in sometimes unexpected ways. You have to learn to use that information to your advantage. Here’s how it works.
To read the mind of the other person, imply that you already know what they’re thinking about:
“I know you’re wondering what it would be like to go out on a date with me.”
This makes the other person think that you have some knowledge you shouldn’t have. Again, you’re implying that you know the outcome of your statement in advance. It may sound like bunkum on one level, but it really works. And that’s the whole point, right?
3. One Thing Equals Another
Here’s a way to subtly pull the other person into believing they want the same things you want.
Going out on a date with you is an unknown quantity. Going for a ride in your car is an unknown quantity. But having a good time is the link that draws the two things together.
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“You want to have a good time and there’s my car just sitting there waiting. Want to go for a drive?”
Just like that you’ve equated driving in your car with having a good time. The other person will be tempted by the lure of excitement and fun. They might say “No” if you simply ask them to go for a drive, and they might say “No” if you come right out and ask them to go on a date with you. But by phrasing the question in this way you’ve made them think about having a good time. The only decision they have to make is whether or not they WANT to have a good time. And more times than not, they probably will.
But what if that doesn’t work? No problem. You can simply put all three techniques together in a final bombshell:
“I know that you are interested in going for a drive in my car and having a good time, and that means you will come out on a date with me, won’t you?”
It’ll take a remarkably strong personality to resist the temptation. They’re only words, but they’re very persuasive. Your prey will find it almost impossible to resist. What’s more, you’ll be totally in control of the situation, and that’s exactly where you want to be.
I’ll keep coming back to the concept of control, because control is the essence of getting people to do what you want them to do.
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And don’t be fooled: if you listen carefully, you’ll hear lots of people doing this kind of thing already. Some do it naturally, like car salesmen, for example. Others have what we call “the gift of the gab” and can talk us into anything before we know what hit us. But that’s cool: it’s not like this stuff is illegal or anything.
And neither is it all a question of luck or hard work.
It all comes down to the way you behave and the things you say and do. And one of the coolest ways to influence other people is through subliminal messages, getting inside their heads using a technique known as priming.
In the meantime, if you want to find out more about NLP (or Neuro-Linguistic Programming), check out the NLP Secret.
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Prime The Pump – Get Inside Their Head Subliminal messages aren’t exactly new. What is new is how you can use them in combination with words and movements to make other people think you’re wonderful.
If you want things to go the way you want them to go, better get a handle on priming. It’s a sneaky tactic that combines the right words, the right body language and carefully placed symbols to literally enable you to get inside someone’s head. Without them even realizing what’s going on, they’ll be doing what you want them to do.
In other words, you’ll be in total control.
Before we get down to it, let’s take a look at the reasons behind why priming works.
Here are six scientifically verified facts about how people think and act; facts that make it easier for us to manipulate other people:
The 6 Facts Behind Why Priming Works 1. Fact 1: People have a natural desire to bond.
2. Fact 2: People associate emotions and sensations with other people.
3. Fact 3: Power and status are often assumed from appearances.
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4. Fact 4: People admire people who admire people they admire.
5. Fact 5: People respond to smells more than you realize.
6. Fact 6: People like other people who they feel are “the same” in some way. As mentioned above, these facts are all scientifically verified and backed up by years of research. So how can you use this knowledge to get inside someone’s head and make them respond the way you want them to? Let’s take each fact one at a time and see how it can be applied in a practical sense.
Fact 1: People have a natural desire to bond.
Suppose there’s someone you want to get to know better, someone whose affections you’re keen to win over. All you have to do is touch them. Not in a vulgar or inappropriate way, of course. But just touch the back of their hand as you reach across, either at the dinner table or at a bar. Touching equals bonding, and if you do it subtly enough the other person will unconsciously feel the bond between you start to germinate.
And here’s another technique you can use to achieve the same result. Want someone to get a warm feeling whenever they think about you? Hand them a warm drink (such as coffee or tea) every time you see them. They’ll unconsciously associate the feeling of warmth they get from the drink with you. And that feeling of warmth equates to a bond, something the other person likes about you, a reason for him or her to want to be with you.
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Fact 2: People associate emotions and sensations with other people.
Want to stir up warm feelings in that other person? Then choose your language carefully.
Nothing is more seductive than imagining you’re lounging on a sun-drenched beach, sitting in front of a cozy log fire, or walking through a quiet glade while gazing up at the stars. Painting a picture helps the other person bring these images to mind, and they’ll associate those warm, cozy feelings they get with you. If you can make the whole thing even more personal, such as how the sun felt on your skin, how the fire crackled in your eyes, how the cool night air caressed the back of your neck, then you’ll have them eating out of your hand.
If you can arouse emotions in the other person or get them to feel how you feel, they’ll associate those emotions or feelings with you. It’s simple but very effective.
Fact 3: Power and status are often assumed from appearances.
If you want to be the one who seems to be in control, the one who appears to have the power and authority, then you need to give off powerful and authoritative vibes. You can do that simply be wearing the right gear and keeping your emotions in check.
A black or dark outfit will instantly make you appear more dominant. On top of that, try not to smile too often. A neutral face keeps the other person guessing and is also an indicator of who’s the “top dog” in a group of people.
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You might be wondering why I suggested that you arouse other people’s emotions in Fact 2, while in this fact I’m asking you to keep your emotions in check. That’s not as paradoxical as it first appears. Remember the essence of manipulation is control. In order to be in control of other people, you have to be in control of yourself. And that includes your emotions.
Once you hit it off with someone you can feel free to let your emotions run wild. Until that happens, play it cool. You’ll give off a “James Bond” aura that will make you irresistible and mysterious.
Fact 4: People admire people who admire people they admire.
If you strike it lucky and there’s a chance for you to “meet the parents” you’ll want to remember this trick.
Even if you’re only meeting your conquest’s friends, it’s essential to make a good impression. Find out who their favorite celebrity is, or their favorite author, or someone they consider to be a hero. Talk about these “favorites” and the qualities you admire. This will make your target audience think about these qualities while looking at you, and they will unconsciously come to associate these qualities with you.
Make sure you come armed with facts and figures and don’t try simply to attempt superficial name-dropping. Knowing that Steinbeck is a writer won’t impress anyone, but knowing that the US Postal Service issued a John Steinbeck Commemorative Stamp on February 27 in the year 1979 - on what would have been his seventy-seventh birthday just might.
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Fact 5: People respond to smells more than you realize.
Imagine the scene: you’ve worked your magic and managed to get a gorgeous babe to accompany you back to your place.
You reach the front door of your apartment. By now the two of you are full of expectation and anticipation, eager to get inside to some privacy and rip each other’s clothes off. You fling open the door and the first thing that hits her is the smell of rotten fish. Can you guess what will happen next?
I’m sure you can. The mood will be spoiled, the atmosphere shattered. If she’s got any sense she’ll be outta there before you can say how’s your father.
But if the smell that greeted her on entry was freshly baked bread, strong French coffee, Belgian chocolate, sweet honeysuckle, jasmine, or any other “nice” smell – even the weak scent of a recently cleaned floor – then she’s putty in your hands.
You don’t have to be Einstein to figure out why. A walk past the local bakery can actually make you feel hungry, whereas the smell of a blocked drain will make you want to heave. Smell is one of our most powerful senses, and if you can appeal to that and use it to your advantage, the rest will take care of itself.
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Fact 6: People like other people who they feel are “the same” in some way.
Here’s a sneaky trick you can use to make someone you meet start to like you in a hurry.
The idea is to mirror the other person’s behavior. If she crosses her legs, do the same thing. If she touches her hair, touch yours as well. If she taps her foot, get your feet tapping, too. The trick is to “mirror” the behavior without making it obvious that you’re doing it.
They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. When you “mimic” the movements of another person, they’re compelled to feel more positive toward you. They can’t help it; it just happens. But make sure you do it in a subtle way; otherwise they’ll think you’re only making fun of them.
These 6 tactics will “prime” your victims into behaving or thinking in certain ways. And you will be inside their head. Try it yourself and see how simple it is.
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“Under The Radar” Manipulation (URM) Getting people to do what you want them to do can be as simple or as complex as you make it.
It all depends on how subtle you are and how much time you devote to the cause. The more effective your approach, the more certain you can be that it will go undetected. And that’s what these techniques will give you: subtlety.
Okay, sometimes you don’t want to be subtle. Sometimes you just want to walk right up and spit out what’s on your mind. And sometimes that works. But not always.
Never fear. Try these three tactics that’ll help you fly “under the radar”, so your targets won’t even know what’s going on.
And once again, you remain in control.
[NOTE: In most cases, people won’t know what you’re up to anyway. But just in case they figure out that you’re trying to manipulate them, these tactics will help disguise the fact and put them off your scent.]
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3 Under-The-Radar Manipulation Techniques 1. URM1: Make Them Think It’s Their Idea
This one is really clever. You stay in control of the situation while at the same time letting the other person think they’re in control. Everybody wins.
The premise is simple. Give a list of options, all seemingly different, but all equally beneficial to you. No matter which option the other person chooses, you’re happy. But there’s a clever way to make sure they choose the one you want them to select.
Suppose you give a list of possibilities and there’s no agreement on a single one. Select your favorite from the list (you’ll already know what this is) and argue vehemently against it. Then gradually back down, letting the other person believe they talked you into it.
Slam dunk.
2. URM2: Dare Them & Make It A Challenge
What happens when you dare someone to do something? They’re forced to prove themselves.
When put on the spot, most people will rise to the challenge and attempt to “show” you that they’re not afraid. As soon as the dare is proposed, the action itself becomes less important. Now the focus is on the other person trying their damnedest not to lose face.
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If you can arrange it so that the dare is made in public, especially in front of your target’s good friends, then it’s even more likely that the challenge will be accepted. And remember: the bigger the dare, the greater the rewards for you when the dare is accepted and – hopefully – fulfilled.
Job done.
3. URM3: Play On Their Emotions
People do things for strange reasons at times. But one thing’s certain: they can be MADE to do things if the emotional trigger is strong enough.
Think of all the different emotions a person might go through in a single day: anxiety, boredom, disappointment, fear, envy, greed, hope, lust, anger, jealousy, regret, guilt, and so on. Tap into one or two of these and your target will be yours to do with as you wish.
It works because different emotions arouse different responses. If you can convince the other person to feel sympathetic (I’ve had a bad day and I feel lousy) or stimulate feelings of gratitude at the same time (please let me buy you a drink: it’ll help cheer me up), that should open things up and enable you to take the situation in any direction you wish.
Or if there’s a girl you particularly fancy who’s not paying you any attention, make sure she sees you laughing and enjoying yourself with another girl (or a groups of girls, which would be even better). She’ll be jealous and immediately want to have a part of what the other girls have got.
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Piece of cake.
These three techniques have been used over and over to successfully manipulate people without them knowing they’re being manipulated. They involve a certain amount of work on your part, but it’ll be worth it in the end. The question is, though, are there any forms of manipulative psychology you can employ that are more natural and don’t involve quite so much preparation?
Funny you should ask…
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Intuitive Manipulation Imagine this scene…
You’re standing at a bus stop and some kid comes along. He throws a rock straight at your face just because he’s an evil little so-and-so. Do you:
a) think about what you should do; b) get angry and start yelling; c) instinctively protect yourself by shielding your face with your hands/arms?
Unless you’re stupid, you’ll protect yourself. You can yell at the delinquent later, and think the whole thing through at your leisure. But anyone with half a brain is going to react on impulse to keep themselves from getting injured and/or disfigured.
If you let your instincts guide you, you won’t go far wrong. Yet much of the time you don’t do that: you second-guess yourself and think things through. You argue with yourself about the right thing to do, about whether you should do this or that, about whether you should do anything at all. And that prevents you from being able to move forward.
This over-thinking or self-analysis we call talking to ourselves.
It’s an internal conversation where we continually play out scenes in our minds to try and work out the best way to proceed. But it usually has the opposite effect; it stops us from proceeding at all.
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Successful people aren’t like that. They act on impulse, do what feels right, and take whatever consequences come with it. They know that when the important decisions come along, they’ll always do the right thing. So the little things don’t worry them.
And that’s what you have to learn to do: trust your instincts.
Go With The Flow You’re a human being, right?
Then your mind is always working, always monitoring what you’re doing. You don’t need to second-guess everything you do: your subconscious is already taking care of that for you.
Instead, you should be concentrating on the important stuff, stuff like how to make yourself more interesting, more likeable, more fun to be with. And one of the easiest ways you can do that is to turn off the internal conversation and let yourself go.
(Remember: your subconscious will make sure you do only the things that fit with your personality. Be brave and trust your instincts!)
Here are three easy ways to help you turn off the “voice in your head” and let you get on with things more instinctively.
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3 Ways To Follow Your Instincts 1. Quiet Your Mind
Turn off the chatter so you can relax and enjoy life. Try to catch yourself when you’re over-analyzing things, and then STOP!
If you’ve been carrying on with this internal conversation for a long time, then you can expect it to take time to reverse the situation. However, the first step is making sure you realise that you’re doing it. You can’t make a change unless you’re aware of what needs to be changed in the first place.
2. Change Gears
It’s all very well telling you to stop talking to yourself, to catch yourself in your overanalysis of things and bring it to a halt. But it would be a lot easier if you had something else to focus on.
That’s where the gear change comes into play. As soon as you notice the internal conversation taking place, you need to find something else to draw your attention away from it.
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Start by finding something – anything – in your immediate environment that you can direct your energies toward. It could be another person, your pet, a chore you need to do, or a closer examination of that ceiling fan that doesn’t seem to work properly. Anything can act as a trigger to change gears and interrupt your thoughts. Or you might prefer to have a trigger ready in advance…
3. Pull The Trigger
You might find it easier to stop the internal chit-chat if you have a trigger already prepared for such occasions.
This can be a thought, an image you call to mind, a poem you recite, or something as simple as counting from 1 to 10. It’s not too important what you focus on, as long as it “triggers” your mind to redirect its energies away from all that internal babbling. Perhaps you might picture yourself sun-bathing on a hot, tropical beach, or spew out your favourite limerick. It doesn’t matter what you do to shift your mind’s focus, as long as you’re ready to do it when you need to.
Learning to stop this internal self-examination can take time. Be patient and keep practicing. Once you get used to it, you’ll be able to turn it off at will. And as soon as you stop talking to yourself, you’ll be able to flip things round and start talking to other people.
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The Art Of Conversation Okay. You’ve made it this far and you probably think that some of this stuff makes sense.
But there’s still a big question mark.
Maybe you think that NONE of these things can possibly help you, because you don’t know how to approach people. You haven’t mastered the art of the conversation. You don’t know what to say, so you end up not saying anything.
Fair enough. If that sounds like you, then this section will help you talk the birds out of the trees, so to speak.
And take heart: you’re not alone.
Most people find starting a conversation difficult. But guess what? That will work in your favor. Being the one who finds it easy to get the chatter going will reassure the other person and make things even easier for you.
Some people can talk until the cows come home. The good news is that, although this skill is natural in a few people, it’s a skill that anyone can learn.
Here’s a seven-point guide on exactly how to go about it.
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7 Steps To Scintillating Conversation 1. Stay Current
Try to stay informed on current events. You need to have something to talk about. The election of America’s first black President, for example, or the fact that Gil Grissom has left the cast of CSI. Topical stuff, that’s what you want.
You’ll find all the information you could ever possibly need online. Simply visit any of the big news sites like NBC or CNN, and you’ll usually find a summary of news stories on the home page. These sites also usually feature a “breaking news” item somewhere on top of the page, as well as categories you can search through for more in-depth stories that suit your taste.
2. Practice Your Patter
Practice makes perfect. Unless you have some kind of routine in your head, you’ll never be able to break the ice. So get on with it.
Rehearse on your own in front of a mirror with an imaginary friend. Also try to speak to everyone you meet, whether it’s people you’ve seen before like the mail man or the lady from the corner store, and strangers you might meet walking down the street, on a bus, in the shopping mall, etc.
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Force yourself to say SOMETHING to people, just to get in the habit of talking to them. Everybody likes to talk about the weather, so use that as your way in. Gradually increase your participation by switching to an event in the news or sports.
3. Flatter For Starters
Want to get someone’s attention, even if you’ve never met them before? Try a little flattery.
A gentle ego massage is hard to resist, no matter who you are. Start with something simple and inoffensive, such as “You’re looking well: been on holiday recently?” or something similar.
Don’t be tempted (unless you want to try it to see what happens!) to comment on specific physical attributes: people might take your forthright approach the wrong way. Asking someone you don’t know if they’ve lost weight might be doubly offensive. In the first place, they might be trying to lose weight but failing miserably. In the second place, they might not think they need to lose weight and will be highly offended.
Try instead to ease yourself into a conversation gently, rather than trying to hit those poor unsuspecting members of the public over the head – metaphorically, of course.
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4. Paint The Scene
Find something nearby to work into the conversation.
Maybe there’s a bridge nearby, a skyscraper across the street, a beggar in the corner, a kite flying in the field just the other side of that fence. Maybe there’s a crew working on the road and it’s been “under repair” for months. Keep your eyes open and notice what’s going on around you.
Maybe there’s a new shopping mall opening, or a cloud in the sky shaped like a donut. It doesn’t matter what you see, and it doesn’t matter what you say. The point is to get the other person talking.
5. Ask Questions
What would you say is your best feature?
As soon as you read that your brain starts thinking. You’re wondering what your best feature is. You can’t help yourself, and that’s exactly why questions are so important.
Questions have the power to make us stop and think. And everybody likes to talk about themselves. If you ask questions, you should be able to get the other person talking.
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Make sure you ask open-ended questions, though, and not the kind that only require a yes or no response. Avoid starting questions with “Do you” or Are you” as they can be answered abruptly in one word. The best questions often start with one of the five W’s, i.e. who, what, where, when and why.
Here’s an example to make the point. Suppose you asked someone this question:
“Do you like dogs?”
All it takes to answer is a single word. That word might be yes, but it could just as easily be no. If it’s no, there’s nowhere for you to maneuver. You have to find a new question or flee the scene.
But what if you phrased the question like this:
“What do you think make the best pets, cats or dogs?”
This question requires a full answer, not simply a yes or a no. Most people will be only too happy to provide an answer, too, whether they have a pet or not. And if you’re looking for something to talk about (as in Practice Your Patter above) you could do a lot worse. People are crazy about their pets, so that’s often a good way to get them talking about something that interests them.
Speaking of which…
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6. Listen & Respond
Once you do get them talking, make sure you listen to what they say!
If they express an opinion, feel free to be yourself and agree or disagree. Use their interest in the subject as an opportunity to crank up the conversation and keep it going. Throw in your own experiences if you have any, but don’t talk too much.
As you might expect, once the conversation takes off there will be opportunities for you to fire more questions, respond to more feedback, and so on and so on. If the subject is one that the person feels strongly enough about one way or the other, you may have the opposite problem: getting them to stop talking.
7. Project Good Vibes
When you talk to people, be confident. And if you don’t feel totally confident, act like you are. That makes them feel comfortable and at ease.
Put a smile on your face, stand up straight and look into their eyes. These things project an image of someone who’s trustworthy and honest; they’ll ensure that the people you talk to will stop and talk back to you, even if only for a moment or two. And that could be all the time you need.
We’re really getting going now. Time to crank things up a bit and find out how you can trick people into doing anything you want them to do.
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Sleight Of Mind: Mental Tricks To Get Your Own Way We’ve all seen magicians perform their tricks with cards and coins.
Some of the stuff they do seems almost impossible. But, of course, they’re using sleight of hand. The hand is quicker than the eye and all that.
What magicians do best is confuse us.
They use a combination of misdirection and very quick movements to keep us from seeing what they’re up to. And if you can’t see it, you don’t notice it.
You can use a similar technique to make people do your bidding. I call it sleight of mind, because you’ll be confusing their brains - not their eyes.
The reason you’re able to do this is simple: most of the decisions we make on a daily basis are unimportant. We might decide to watch a movie or to play a board game. Either is fine, and whichever choice is made won’t have much of an impact on our lives. It’s these kinds of decisions you have the power to control.
Sometimes it’s easy. Sometimes you can simply make a suggestion and the other person will cave in.
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That’s because a lot of people don’t like to have to make decisions, especially when it comes to the small stuff. They’d rather have someone else do it for them.
If that happens, go with it. But if you think there might be some resistance, use this fourpoint plan to get your own way.
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The 4-Point Sleight Of Mind Routine 1. Get On Their Side
Suck up to them, but do it in a subtle way.
Make them think you agree with the decision they’re making. To put it in the simplest possible terms, just tell them what they want to hear:
“I think that’s a wonderful idea; I can’t believe I didn’t think of that before.”
Something along those lines will do the trick nicely.
2. Tell A Lie
Fabricate a scenario that can’t be authenticated right away.
Suppose your friend wants to buy a Michael Jackson CD, but you think he’s pants and wouldn’t be able to listen to it. You can’t imagine sitting around pretending to like it, so you say something like this:
“I read somewhere that MJ uses all the money from sales of his music to make child porn movies.”
It’s not true, but the other person won’t know that. It’ll probably be enough to put them off.
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3. Confuse Them
Play on the other person’s weaknesses.
If they’re overweight, or underweight, or lazy, or not the brightest spark in the fireplace, use that to your advantage. Point out the problem with the way the other person looks or behaves to undermine their confidence, such as:
“Sitting in a cinema stuffing your face with candy and chocolates is okay now and then, but look what it’s doing to your figure.”
This will take their mind off the decision at hand and leave you free to suggest an alternative.
“If I was in your shape, I’d spend my money on a set of barbells.”
That’ll get you out of watching a movie you don’t want to see and get your target thinking about buying some gym equipment; which, of course, you’ll be using, too.
4. Do Your Magic
You have them exactly where you want them. Their mind is all over the place, their confidence is shot: now you can execute the sleight of mind to get what you’ve really been after all along.
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Start off with a back-handed compliment – “You’re not that much overweight” – and then suggest that the best exercise for keeping in shape is sex. Keep the compliments coming as you maneuver to the bedroom (“You know I’ve always loved your ass”) and gradually undress him/her.
Easy peasy.
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Don’t Psyche Yourself Out It’s one thing to manipulate other people into doing what you want them to do.
But it’s another thing to inadvertently psyche yourself into a position where you’re incapable of acting.
If you want to get people to do your bidding, then you have to be around other people. That might sound obvious, but it’s the underlying reason why most of us fail to form relationships.
And unless you’re able to form relationships, even at a superficial level, you have no chance of ever hoping to manipulate anybody.
It sounds very grand to use the term “forming relationships” when in fact it could just as easily be called interacting. But whatever you call it, it’s the reason we’re here.
Make the most of it by learning how to get in there and get all the benefits on offer.
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4 Techniques For Interacting With Others 1. Break Out Of Your Shell
Are you a wallflower?
If you don’t have the type of personality that starts conversations, or you’re uncomfortable approaching people, then you’re on a hiding to nothing. Interaction is all about give and take: if you only take, then sooner or later people will stop giving. If you don’t contact friends by phone or email, sooner or later they’ll stop contacting you. If you never make it to the ball game or the cinema, sooner or later you’ll stop getting invited.
Your task should be to give yourself as many opportunities as possible to mingle, interact, mix with other people. If you’re shy, remember this fact: shy people get nowhere. You’ll never see or hear about anybody who’s outgoing trying to turn themselves into a “shy” person. To them that’s going backwards.
Shy people aren’t looked up to or revered like outgoing people are. That’s just the way it is. Get used to it, because it isn’t going to change anytime soon.
2. Send Out The Right Signals
Make an effort to stay in touch with people. If you run into someone in the coffee shop and that “we should get together” phrase comes up, make sure you do it. Exchange phone numbers and then make the call as soon as you get the chance.
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Your actions don’t go unnoticed. If you constantly avoid making an effort to communicate with people, they’ll soon get the message that you’re not interested. Then you’ll have to start all over again.
Everything you do and say sends out a signal, even if you do nothing. In fact, doing nothing sends out the loudest, clearest signal of all: you’re not interested. If you don’t make any effort to interact, then you deserve everything you get – or don’t.
3. Put Your Fears Into Perspective
Know why most people don’t put themselves out there? They’re afraid.
Yep, it’s our old friend fear again. It’s our instinctive urge for self-preservation. If we don’t put ourselves on the line as far as relationships go, then we won’t end up getting rejected. But that’s just another thing that stops us from making the most of what should be an exciting and fulfilling life.
Say you try to cultivate a relationship and it fails.
Big deal?
Move on to the next person. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. The sky won’t fall, you won’t disappear; you won’t lose your job or go to jail. In other words, there really is nothing to fear. Get that into your head as soon as you can. It’s not the end of the world.
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Baseball players know what I’m talking about. It takes three strikes before you’re out, and that’s just one time at bat. You might get another three chances during the game, and then there’s always the next game. And even if you strike out three times in a row, there’s always the chance that the fourth time you’ll hit a home run.
So be fearless: just do it. The successes you have will more than make up for any disappointments along the way.
4. The Bottom Line
Look at these words and see if you can spot the odd one out:
1. Successful 2. Popular 3. Important 4. Lowly 5. Respected 6. Powerful 7. Admired
Did you manage it? Of course you did: it’s item number 4, the word “lowly.” Of all these words it’s the one you’d probably like least to be used to describe yourself.
You and everybody else.
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The point is, if you’re going to go out of your way to cultivate friendships or relationships, you might as well aim for the top. Go after people who have something to offer. Don’t settle for people on the lower rungs of the social ladder, because they can’t improve your situation.
Successful people know this fact only too well. It might seem a bit snobbish on the surface, but that’s because:
a) it IS snobbish, and b) it IS on the surface
This isn’t rocket science, you know. If you want to be in with the cool crowd, hang around with the cool crowd. If you want to be a loner and a person of no significance – at least in the eyes of the successful people – hang around with loners and nobodies. It really is as simple as that.
Why go after the popular set?
Because they have power and influence. People look up to them, admire them, are in awe of them. If they see you associating with that exclusive club, they’ll automatically assume you’re a member. And suddenly you’ll be the one who’s popular, respected, admired, and important. Bottom line? That will be enough for people to take an interest in you.
All of these tactics are simple enough to put into operation. They require only one thing of you: the willingness to put yourself out there and make the effort. As long as you think positive and don’t psyche yourself out, you’ll be successful.
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And remember: no-one will know you’re consciously doing these things. They’ll assume you’re just the type of person who’s naturally outgoing, likeable, fun to be around, exciting, entertaining, cool, popular, important, and most of all, worth spending time with.
Do it right and people will notice you. They’ll approach you and start chatting away. But what do you do then? What do you say to them? How can you pull off the fact that you’re only pretending to be one of the important people?
No problem. Read on to find out why none of these things matter’s a tinker’s damn.
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Help: I’ve Got Nothing To Say! Wouldn’t it be something if people were tripping all over themselves to get to know you?
That’s exactly what’s going to happen when you start implementing the techniques in this book. So you’d better be prepared…
But hang on a minute.
When these people do start making contact and pulling you into conversations, what are you going to say? What if you just freeze and start over-analysing everything again? What if you think things through in your head before you speak, and miss the opportunity to engage?
The simple solution is: don’t!
And here are three good reasons why you shouldn’t.
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3 Reasons Why Conversation Is Easy 1. It Doesn’t Matter
It’s true.
It doesn’t matter what you say, as long as you get involved. People won’t remember what you said, but they will remember the fact that you made a contribution.
Successful people do this all the time. They talk because they want to talk. What they say is often nonsense, but they don’t care. They’re taking part, making a contribution, and people notice. Don’t think about what you’re going to say, just open your mouth and say it.
You don’t have to try to be witty or clever, unless that’s in your nature. Just shoot the breeze. Talk about what everyone else is talking about. Take part, because that’s all that’s really necessary.
2. Who’s Listening?
When was the last time you stopped and talked to someone on the street? Do you remember word for word what you talked about?
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Chances are you don’t. People take away different things from conversations; not just a string of words. They remember who was there, whether or not they had a good time, and so on. They don’t sit down and transcribe the dialogue. That’s because they’re not really listening.
They hear what you say, for sure, but they don’t analyse it. It goes in one ear and out the other. It’s part of the interacting ceremony. As soon as it’s over, it’s over. And that’s why it doesn’t matter what you say, as long as you...
3. Just Say Something!
Talk is cheap, so spend, spend, spend!
It costs nothing to talk to people, but it can pay substantial dividends. Don’t worry about what comes out of your mouth, as long as something does. Most times people don’t even care what you’re saying: they’re interested in the back-and-forth, the social interaction, and not in the actual words you use.
In fact, you might feel that people are ignoring you, they seem so unconcerned with what you say. But even that doesn’t matter. Remember not to get involved in that whole overanalysis / fear of rejection loop. Just talk, make a contribution, and try to have some fun.
You don’t need an excuse to talk to people. You just need to do it.
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Getting Emotional I mentioned emotions earlier in the section about URMs, which you’ll remember stands for “Under The Radar” Manipulation.
But emotions are so powerful and such a large part of our lives that they deserve a section all on their own.
There are certain emotions that, once activated, leave the other person helpless. They have to respond, because they’ve been forced to do so. Tell someone you know a secret and you’ll see what I mean. They won’t stop pestering you until you reveal what it is you know.
Why?
Because you’ve aroused an emotion. You’ve disrupted their thinking and got them wondering about something, even though a few minutes before they may have been pondering a completely different point.
And that’s the power emotions can give you.
So which emotions are the most powerful? Which ones have the ability to render your target helpless, to make them putty in your hands?
Which emotion is so strong that, if it was a disease, it would be incurable?
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Go to the next section to find out, as I reveal the first of probably our 4 strongest and most irresistible emotions…
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4 Irresistible Emotions 1. The Cat’s Pajamas
I told you emotions were strong. See how keen you were to get to this page? That’s because I managed to stimulate one emotion that we all find hard to resist. And that emotion is…
Curiosity.
And it’s not just cats that are curious. It’s practically a human condition. It’s the reason we look out of windows, read books, ask questions, gossip, watch soap operas and reality shows, sift through second-hand shops, try to figure out how things work, invent stuff, and so on. We’re naturally inquisitive and want to know what’s going on. We’re nosy and like nothing better than a good snoop around someone else’s house.
As Dorothy Parker put it:
“The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” Remember the old days when we used to buy goods from catalogues?
You’d flick through the book looking for those shoes you liked, only to stop half a dozen times when something else caught your eye. Maybe a nifty power tool, some cool sunglasses, or a pair of boxing gloves. You might not even want any of these things, but
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you’re curious to read about them, to look at the pictures and to imagine what owning them would be like. That’s how powerful curiosity is. It can send your mind off in a totally different direction. If it can do that to you, it can do it to other people, too. And that quote above is absolutely, 100% true: there IS no cure for curiosity – except satisfying it.
All interesting stuff, I’m sure you’ll agree. But how can you use it as a tool to manipulate people?
Let’s go back to the “secret” I mentioned earlier. Some words –like the word secret – are almost magical in the effect they produce on other people. And you don’t even have to use the word secret, as long as it’s implied.
Here are some examples of phrases that’ll get anybody interested in what you have to say:
You won’t believe what I just heard.
Wait until you hear what I found out.
I wasn’t going to say anything, but…
You can add another dimension to the curiosity formula by attaching it to an invitation to be alone with the other person:
Come round to my place and I’ll show you something that’ll surprise you.
I’ve got something to tell you, but I’d rather do it in private.
These phrases are irresistible. The curiosity will be overwhelming, and the other person
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will be itching to find out what you’re hinting at. And once you get them where you want them, the rest should be just a matter of nature taking its course.
Curiosity is compelling. But so are certain other emotions. For instance, what if I was to tell you that on the very next page you’ll find a bonus manipulation tactic that’ll drive people crazy and get you everything your heart desires?
Would that be something you’d be interested in?
2. An Insatiable Desire
Everybody wants to know the answer to this question:
“What’s in it for me?”
We’re talking about greed, another strong emotion that can make people do things they might otherwise not consider. If it’s worth doing because the person gets something out of it, then it’ll probably get done.
Marketers and salesmen know this only too well. They phrase their promotional material and sales pitches to imply it’s all about the customer. Because, in the end, it is.
Without customers there’s nothing to sell. Once customers are hooked on the benefits they’ll receive by buying brand X or product Z, they won’t be able to stop themselves. They’ll buy, because they want something. They’re greedy, and that’s good news for you.
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In a way, you have to do the same thing as salesmen and marketers. You have to sell yourself to their greedy natures. And you can do this by offering them something for free, something exclusive, something available only for a limited time.
What could you offer that would tempt them into doing what you want? Here are a few suggestions:
A free meal
A movie
Tickets to a show
Drinks all night
A ticket to a luxury spa or resort
The best sex ever
A night of unbridled passion
Someone to talk to and cuddle with
Naturally you might choose to phrase these items differently, to make them even more difficult to resist. For instance:
“Join me at the Coco Club later and I’ll make sure your glass stays full all night.”
or:
“I’m not just looking for a quick shag: but I really would like someone to talk to and cuddle up with.”
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See what I mean? You’re offering something, and on the face of it you’re not actually asking for anything in return. There really is something in it for the other person. And if you couch your manipulative jargon in the right words, you should have little trouble achieving your objective.
Now let’s turn our attention to a third emotional trigger you can activate in almost anyone. This is probably one of the easiest emotions to arouse, as long as you do it properly. And you will, won’t you? Because you’re a highly motivated and intelligent person…
3. Massage Their Egos
The old adage that “flattery will get you nowhere” is blatantly not true.
As author and self-development guru Dale Carnegie put it:
“Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself.” And that’s the real secret behind flattering someone to get what you want. Flatter something about the other person that you think will strike a chord.
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For example, the other person might be in great shape. Or might have the deepest, warmest brown eyes you’ve ever seen. Or take a particular pride in looking much younger than s/he actually is. Or have a smile that seems to light up the room. You get the idea. Whatever it is, there’ll be something you’ll notice instantly that sets this person apart. It could be a physical attribute (a splendid head of hair) or a way of behaving (extremely generous). Not only will the person be aware of it, but s/he will be thrilled to bits to know it’s been observed and commented on. And the fact that you noticed it will earn you a zillion brownie points.
Flattery has the effect that we talked about earlier of forcing the person to change the direction of their thinking. If you can do that, it’s only a simple step to carry on the patter and introduce something you’d like them to do.
As well as appealing to people’s emotions, you can also influence and persuade them by stimulating their baser instincts. Sex, anyone?
4. Sex Appeal
The comedian Billy Crystal coined a famous line about sex and how it relates to men and women:
“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” Whatever the reason, it’s a strong driving force behind many a short- and long-term relationship.
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And there are very good reasons for this:
Sex sells. I’m sure nothing more needs to be said about that.
Sex is one of our strongest innate instincts and desires.
Sex has the power to get attention almost immediately.
Billions of dollars a year are spent on advertising to try and convince us to buy things we don’t really need. And if we really bothered to analyze it, we’d notice some startling facts.
1. Almost everything we see advertised on TV is linked to a strong emotion or instinct. 2. People in adverts on TV are more beautiful and prosperous than most of the people watching them. 3. Advertisers use “beautiful” people or celebrities to make us think their products can give us the same kinds of lifestyles as the people in the ads.
You can find a link to sex in almost any ad for a new car or truck, a skin product, most fashion-related items, coffee, chocolate; the list is almost endless.
And some of the ads are about as subtle as a sledgehammer, particularly the ones advertising wrinkle-free skin, in which the model is too young to have wrinkles. But somehow we (most of us) don’t notice that.
We’re mesmerized by the glamour and the possibilities of recapturing our youth.
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You can use this instinct to make people do your bidding. All it takes is the same subtle approach and a bit of preparation. Remember that a lot of the people you meet will likely be single. That means they’ll be looking for someone to have fun with, someone that makes them feel attractive and desirable, and someone that they might just want to have sex with.
You’re not going to persuade anyone to have sex with you by simply coming out and saying “Fancy a quick one?” I have seen it done once or twice, however, so feel free to give it a shot if you’re up for the potential slap in the face.
There is a better way, a way that’s guaranteed to work. It’s so simple you won’t believe it. All you have to do is:
Arouse Their Curiosity Create An Insatiable Desire Massage Their Egos
In other words, put the last three sections of this book together and – BAM! Sex will be practically a foregone conclusion.
But there’s more to manipulation than having sex. Sex is one outcome, but there are as many possibilities as there are people.
To be truly manipulative, you need to be persuasive. We’ve talked a little about persuasion already – and now we’re going to crank things up a bit in the persuasion stakes.
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Tell It Like It Is Believe it or not, you can persuade people to do things in lots of different ways.
You have to know what you’re doing, of course, but sometimes it’s as easy as telling a story. Or giving something in return. Or knowing exactly what words to use and why.
You can see why communication and conversation are such a big part of manipulation. You won’t get anywhere by staring into people’s eyes and trying to cast a spell on them. Or will you?
One thing you must get into your head is this: you’re in control.
And if you’re not, then you have to take control.
Control is the starting point for any type of manipulation, so if you want people to respond in certain ways, you need to be the one who’s in charge.
Stage hypnotists are keenly aware of this fact. They know they don’t have any real special powers, except the power to take control. Once they’re in control, they can persuade willing subjects to do whatever they want them to do.
By the way, there is some magic you can perform, but we’ll discuss that a little later. For now, let’s find out how you can use your own talents and expertise to make people listen to what you have to say – and like you at the same time.
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5 Techniques To Get People To Listen 1. Flaunt Your Expertise
Who do you turn to when it’s time to get your taxes done? You consult an expert.
Where do you go when your leaky roof needs to be repaired? You consult an expert.
Who do you call when your car breaks down? You consult an expert.
You do that because experts know what they’re doing. Your good buddy might be great company when you’re watching the hockey game, but he’s not necessarily the best person to install that new water softener. What if something goes wrong? Can you afford to get the damage repaired and then get it done right? Are you really as stupid as that?
I’m sure you’re not. If your uncle is a certified accountant, then get your taxes done through him. Or if your father-in-law is a plumber, let him install that new bathroom suite.
We turn to experts because they’re authorities. They know stuff, and we believe them. They’ve got first-hand knowledge and years of experience to back up what they say. They’ve been there, done it and got the t-shirt. They’re experts.
What about you? Are you a sizzling hot amateur photographer? Or a poet? Or the best golfer in the county? Or a marathon runner? Or good with your hands? An artist, perhaps? Or a musician?
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Chances are there’s something you can do, even if you think it’s just a hobby, which sets you apart from other people. Something you’ve been doing for some years and that you know a lot about. Something you have a certain amount of expertise in. If so, don’t be afraid to talk about it.
The poet Virgil once wrote:
“Believe one who has proved it. Believe an expert.” People will listen to you if you have knowledge about something unique or different. Naturally, you don’t want to bore people to death with details of your talents. But it might be the very thing that stimulates a conversation between you and another person.
If you’re an expert carpenter, for instance, then you should easily be able to persuade someone on the best cabinetry for their purposes. That might seem pretty dry stuff, but remember: experts are perceived as being honest and trustworthy. And anyone who’s honest and trustworthy will also be assumed to be likeable. Once you get to the “likeable” stage, you should find it easy to persuade anyone to do whatever you want.
You might argue that you don’t have these so-called special talents, that you’re not an expert in anything. Fine. Give up if that’s going to be your attitude.
OR, you might try using someone else’s expertise to pull you into the likeability winner’s circle. And all you have to do for that to happen is - tell a good story.
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2. Tell A Story
The Greek historian Herodotus wrote:
“Men trust their ears less than their eyes.” That’s another way of saying “seeing is believing” - but that’s only half the truth.
When you can see something, you can verify it. A work of art, for instance, can be examined in the flesh, so to speak. You can scrutinize it as many times as you want. Once it’s made available for public consumption, it leaves itself open to comment and criticism.
It’s harder to do that with things you say, though. They’re said in a moment, left to vanish into the ether. They’re not written down and can’t easily be scrutinized in the same way. And that’s a good thing.
If you weave your manipulative dialogue into a captivating story, you can be as subtle as you want to be. It might be a story about something that happened to you, or it might be a story about something that happened to someone else. The origin of the story is not crucial: what IS crucial is that the story gets your target’s attention.
It doesn’t have to be the most remarkable story in the world. Just tell the story, making sure you include as much sensory detail (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste) as possible. Transport the person to the place, time and surroundings of your story: make it easy for them to imagine they’re in your shoes.
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But don’t get carried away. Embellish your story if you must, but keep it real. Make sure there are elements of truth present or else the other person will lose interest very quickly.
3. Tit For Tat
What’s the simplest way to get something from someone?
Give them something.
It’s so simple, in fact, it’s almost scary. It concerns what’s known as the Law of Reciprocity, which states that when you give something to someone, they feel compelled to give you something in return. It works by stimulating emotions in the receiver, who feels obliged to reciprocate. Have you ever been approached on the street by a salesperson offering you a free gift if you complete a short survey? Or been offered to taste something in your local supermarket? Or been offered a flower or trinket by a member of a religious or holy order?
Chances are you have. And the reason these people seem to be so generous (remember that phrase) is because they’re giving something to you for free. You could just accept their gift and walk away. But most people don’t do that. Why?
Because they’d feel guilty. Once they’ve accepted the gift, whatever it is, they find it almost impossible not to return the favor. That’s the power of the Law of Reciprocity. It forces you into a situation where you think you have to do something, you have to respond in kind, or else the guilt will eat away at you.
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So how could you use this law to help you persuade someone to spend time with you?
If you’re in a bar or nightclub, you might buy them a drink. No strings attached. If it’s a person you see on a regular basis, such as at work or in your local community, you could send them a card or small token, asking for nothing in return. And once the drink or card is accepted, you’re on your way to success.
To the other person, you’ll seem to be a generous type. And you are, giving away stuff for free and asking for nothing in return. But that’s the secret behind this law – even though you’re not asking for anything back, chances are you will get something anyway.
Once the gift has been accepted by the other person, they’ve acknowledged your generosity. Nine times out of ten they’ll either want to repay you for your kindness or thank you in person. Once they do that, they’ll be opening up a channel of communication with you, removing any barriers that used to exist. And when that happens, you’ll be able to initiate a relationship on a basic level.
For example, if the other person thanks you and asks if they can repay you for your kindness, tell them it isn’t necessary. If they persist, say they can buy you a drink, cook you a meal, accompany you to a movie, and so on. Whichever option they choose, you’ll be together. You’ll be “on a date” and in a position to get something back for your efforts, even if that’s just a bit of company for an hour or two.
If things go well, you might want to move on to a second date. And for that you will need to choose your words carefully…
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4. Say The Magic Word
The comedian Eddie Izzard said:
“If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.” When you were growing up, you probably asked your parents for a cookie or a treat of some kind. And it’s likely that they will have responded with: “What’s the magic word?”
In this case, they were hoping you’d reply with the word “please.” But when it comes to manipulative psychology, please doesn’t work. Forget please: the magic word is BECAUSE.
Sometimes asking someone to do something gets you nowhere. You can give as many reasons as you want but they still won’t budge. Your request might be seen as a thinlydisguised demand, or perhaps you’re coming across as too arrogant or forceful. But if you use the word “because” all those problems disappear.
Why does it work?
You’ll remember earlier we talked about triggers and how they can make people respond in certain ways. Well, this word “because” is another type of trigger. When we hear the word because it sounds like a form of justification and we give in. If you ask to do
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something and attach the word “because” to the end of your question, 93% of people will respond the way you want them to.
Here’s an example to illustrate the point. In an office environment, people often have to wait in line to use the photocopier. Some people asked if they could jump ahead in the queue and were flatly refused. But when the request was phrased like this…
“Can I use the photocopier because I have to make some copies?”
… the other people caved and let them go ahead. There was no other reason given, but just using the magic word seemed to produce the desired result.
And if it works in one situation, chances are it’ll work equally well in others. You can also include it in one or more of the techniques you’ve learned already, such as asking a question and/or appealing to the other person’s emotions:
“Can I buy you a drink because I’ve had a pretty lousy day?”
Or, after a successful first date, you might want to try this:
“Can I ask you out again because I think we could have a future together?”
I’m sure you can see the potential in phrasing your requests in this way. It gives you yet another technique for persuading people to do the things you want them to do.
And that brings us to the last in this series of persuasion principles designed to enable you to manipulate people in subtle and sophisticated ways…
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5. Turn The Tables
This principle uses reverse psychology to help you catch your target off guard.
The idea is to be totally honest on the one hand, while simultaneously tagging the real reason for your request on the end of your statement. Here’s an example of how you might put it into practice:
“I’m afraid I don’t have a magic pill to make you want to go out with me. But if you do, I guarantee that you’ll have a great time and won’t be disappointed.”
You can see that there are a number of forces at work here. First, you’re admitting that you might not be the best catch in the world. You’re laying your heart on your sleeve and owning up to your own vulnerability. Chicks like that.
Second, you’re giving a guarantee that a good time will be had by all. Even if things don’t turn out to be earth-shattering, most people will settle for having a bit of fun. Remember that no-one wants to be alone, and this tactic might just be enough to convince someone to spend some time with you. If it does, that’s terrific. And if it doesn’t, you haven’t lost anything.
Remember also that these manipulative techniques are designed to put you in control of these and similar situations. You have to be confident without being over-bearing and just go for it. If one approach doesn’t get what you want, try another. If one person seems able to resist your innumerable charms, move on to someone else. Life is short, so make the most of it while you can.
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In the next section we’re going to look at methods for connecting with people by dipping into the NLP waters one final time.
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Make A Magic Connection What’s the easiest way to connect with another person?
There are two different techniques you can use to sync yourself up to someone, even if you’ve never met them before. You’ll find more information about this topic in the accompanying bonus guide entitled “Body Language & Manipulation.”
But I thought it would be a good idea to touch on the basics here as well.
Human interaction is all about communicating. We communicate through language and words, but we also communicate through body language and the tone of voice we use. In fact, verbal communication accounts for only about 7% of our overall communication arsenal. That means there are still 93% of our resources available which we can use to establish rapport with another human being!
But I don’t want to get ahead of myself. In case you’re not sure what I’m talking about, let me break it down:
Communicating refers not just to talking to someone but also to non-verbal communication, such as posture, eye contact, gestures, etc.
Rapport refers to making an instant connection with another person, possibly at a subconscious level, but strong enough to make the other person think there’s something about you that’s worth pursuing.
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NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is the study of the language of the mind. It deals with the strategies humans use to connect with each other, how we communicate with each other, and how we can establish rapport with each other.
Have you ever met someone and instantly thought to yourself: “I feel as if I’ve known this person for years!”
That’s an example of instant rapport. And while it can happen occasionally without any intentional help from you, there are ways to make it happen more often.
Because we know that communicating involves more than just the words we use, we’re able to define certain areas where you can persuade another person to connect with you, just by using these simple techniques. (There’s that word “persuade” again!)
It’s really very simple, too. All you have to do is match or mirror their movements.
But whatever else you do, please try to be subtle. As mentioned earlier in this book, no-one likes to think you’re making fun of them or simply mimicking their behavior.
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Matching & Mirroring Think of it like this: you’ve probably been out to a meal at a restaurant.
Do you remember ever seeing a couple sitting across from each other at a table? How can you tell that these people are attracted to each other, that there’s a connection? Look closely and you’ll notice:
they’re smiling at each other
they’re making eye contact
they’re leaning towards each other
their bodies copy each other, i.e. legs crossed, arms on table
And there will be plenty of other signs that these two people are matching or mirroring each other. They probably laugh at the same things and at the same time. They’re giving off signals that they connect, they’re together, and they like each other.
You don’t have to be a genius to work out the rest.
People respond and/or connect with people that they feel are the same as they are, people that are like them. If you can match and/or mirror the other person’s behavior, you stand a much better chance of establishing some kind of rapport with them. And that can lead on to bigger and better things.
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Anchoring Feelings Here’s another technique you can borrow from the NLP stable – and you don’t have to have any nautical experience, either.
Despite the name, anchoring has nothing to do with boats or the sea. It’s a method used by people to make them feel better by remembering or referring to times when they were happier, more excited, etc.
Once the feeling is imagined, you attach your “anchor” to it.
For example, if you were feeling lonely, you could recapture a time when you had lots of friends around you. Here’s how you’d do it:
1. Think back to a time when you were in the company of good friends and really enjoying yourself. Make it a good strong example that you can recall vividly.
2. Close your eyes and see yourself in that situation. Include as much detail as possible, such as the sights, sounds, smells and so on, so you can really feel what it felt like.
3. Immerse yourself in this past experience and make it more powerful by: a) making the image sharper and clearer b) making the colors brighter and stronger c) making the sounds clearer d) choosing a word that describes how you felt (Awesome! Amazing! etc.)
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4. When the feeling is at its most intense, create an anchor by doing something physical to help remind yourself about it. Make a fist, tug on your earlobe, cross your arms and squeeze yourself, press your thumb and forefinger together – any physical gesture will do.
5. As the feeling subsides, relax and release your anchor.
To guarantee that you can recapture the feeling whenever you want to, you should repeat the process with further examples of times when you felt the same. Then, whenever you want to feel like that again, simple fire off your “anchor” and the feeling should return.
All very interesting, I’m sure you’ll agree. But what’s it got to do with manipulating people?
Well, just as you can attach an anchor to a feeling you’ve had, you can also attach an anchor to somebody else. Have you ever noticed how certain people make you feel good, while others make you wish you were somewhere else? People have the power to arouse emotions in us, to make us feel positive or negative. And naturally the aim is to try and stay on the positive side of the emotional spectrum whenever possible.
So other people can make you feel a certain way. But you have the power to do that, too. If another person can make you feel good about spending time with them, then it only makes sense that you should be able to do the same. All it takes is the right set of circumstances and the ability to set it up.
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Here’s how it works:
1. You meet someone that you’d like to get to know better.
2. You mirror and match their behavior, smiling and making eye contact.
3. Things seem to be going well. Wait for a time when you’re laughing together, smiling at each other or making steady eye contact. Then reach across and touch the other person’s arm or shoulder gently. Just a tap is enough to do the trick.
4. Next time you meet, and when the circumstances are right (happy, smiling, laughing, eye contact), lay your anchor once again. Do the same thing you did previously.
5. That gentle tap on the shoulder/arm will become an anchor for both of you, a physical indication of the warm feelings generated by your company.
With any luck, your friend will light up the next time she sees you.
Why?
Because those good feelings you aroused in each other are anchored (in her mind) to you, to that tap on the arm or shoulder. Whenever she sees your face or hears your voice, those feelings will come flooding back.
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This is nothing new, though. Couples attach anchors to each other all the time. The most obvious example might be holding hands, an outward sign of the emotional bond between them.
Not everyone will be comfortable with touching another person.
If that sounds like you, don’t sweat it. There’s another way you can convince people how wonderful you are - just by talking to them.
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Hypnotic Conversation Can you really manipulate another person using hypnosis?
Yes, you can. Once you know what to do, you’ll be communicating with the other person’s subconscious mind. To them it will seem like just another casual conversation, whereas in fact you’ll be taking control of the situation and getting them to do your bidding.
Remember the magic word “because” mentioned earlier?
That’s part of the equation. It’s a technique known as covert hypnosis, a secret or hidden method of persuasion that’s powerful and subtle all at the same time.
There are three parts to the covert hypnosis formula:
1. State a command 2. Add the word “because” 3. State your request
That’s it. But as simple as it might appear, it works almost every time. Put into this format, your request sounds like you have a good reason for asking. And most people find it impossible to refuse.
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It’s important to realize that you NEVER ask questions when working with this technique. Phrasing your request as a command or polite order puts you in control. Adding the magic word “because” – followed by what you really want – leaves the other person helpless. And that’s why it works.
Here’s an example of how you might use this formula. Imagine you’ve met someone while out for a walk along the canal:
“Walk with me (command) because I want to get to know you better (reason).”
Not brain surgery, is it?
But it works, and that’s all you need to worry about.
You can use it in any situation, anywhere, and nine times out of ten the other person will give in. Why? When they hear the word “because” followed by a reason, their unconscious mind is programmed to think that there must be a reason. That’s the power of the word “because”.
It doesn’t have to be a good reason, either. The reason isn’t important: the structure or format of the technique is what counts. And remember never to phrase it in a question, because that gives the other person the opportunity to answer – and the answer could be “no”.
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So next time you meet someone in a bar, try this:
“Take my hand (command) because I want to see if your skin is as soft as it looks (request).”
I’m sure you can see the potential in this tactic. Try it out a few times to see just how powerful it really is. And if you want to learn more about hypnosis in general, be sure to check out The Secrets of REAL Hypnosis at www.hypnosiscoach.com.
And here’s another covert hypnosis tactic you can use to manipulate anybody into doing what you want. This one also has three parts to it, but you can use any one of them on its own.
For this technique, you’re going to be playing with the other person’s imagination, but naturally they won’t be aware that that’s what you’re doing.
It’s covert, remember?
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Hypnotic Mind Control Imagination is a powerful tool; if you can paint a picture in another person’s mind, you can control their thoughts.
The trick is to be subtle, to sneak up on them and do it without them having any idea.
You can take control of their thoughts and make them see what you want them to see. You bring an experience to life in their mind, which has the same effect as hypnotic suggestion.
There are three different but related tactics you can use to access someone else’s imagination, tactics well known to practitioners of hypnosis.
Again, these fall under the umbrella of covert hypnosis:
3 Ways To Infiltrate Someone’s Imagination 1. I Have A Friend…
This is a famous hypnosis technique also known as the My Friend John method.
To use this technique you talk to the other person and relate experiences that happened to a friend of yours. You’re basically bringing a fictional third person into the conversation; when that happens, the other person has no choice but to imagine what your “friend” is doing.
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The premise is simple: when you talk about someone else’s experiences, the person you’re talking to has to try and understand. To do that, s/he has to filter the information in his/her mind. So while you’re talking about your friend, the person you’re talking to will be imagining the exact same experiences. It’s a subtle way of getting inside their head and forcing them to see things.
For instance, let’s say you meet someone at the launderette. While you’re waiting for your clothes to be washed and dried you strike up a conversation. This person interests you and you’d like to see him or her in a different setting. You might say:
“You know it’s funny but my friend Dave met the love of his life in a launderette.”
Remember that once you introduce your “friend” you need to bring his experiences to life. Do that by appealing to the other person’s senses and drawing a clear picture in her mind:
“He ran out of change and had to ask her for some. She had long red hair and a few freckles that he thought were really cute. She gave him the change, so he asked her out for a drink to pay her back. He took her on a riverboat for a romantic night, and the rest is history.”
Obviously by this time the other person will be imagining all sorts of things. You’ve basically distracted them and made them think about the scenario. Now all you have to do, while they’re distracted, is ask the next logical question:
“Why don’t we go out for a drink some time?”
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Give it a try. The worst thing that can happen is that nothing comes of it. But something might.
2. The Pronoun Switch
This technique is a subtle way of switching the emphasis from you to another person. It’s a simple tactic you can use to get at the person’s mind and make them think about the things you want them to think about.
You probably do this kind of thing all the time. During a conversation, you start off with “I did this” or “I did that”. But to try and explain a specific point or experience you might add: “You know when you…”
Just like that, you’re asking the other person to imagine themselves in a situation. It might sound simple, but it works. It makes the other person stop and think, taking their mind in the direction you want it to go in. Then you can give them basic suggestions and influence their actions without them knowing what’s happening.
For example, let’s go back to the launderette. You manage to get a conversation going, and you come right out and ask if she’s seeing anyone. Then you start switching pronouns:
“You know when you meet someone and you just know you have to see them again?”
Bingo. You’re making the other person think. Now keep going until you can fire off your suggestion:
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“You’ve probably been asked out plenty of times, although maybe not while doing your laundry. It’s funny how you can meet people in the strangest places and that can lead on to a date and having a really great time.”
Even though you’re talking about an experience in general, the use of the pronoun “you” forces the other person to imagine the scenario. It’s a very subtle way of getting inside their head and leading them along the path of your choice.
3. Like A Simile
Remember similes from your high school English classes?
A simile is the use of the word “like” or “as” to make a comparison between two different things. For instance, there’s a famous folk song entitled “She’s Like The Swallow”. Obviously, no girl is actually like a swallow. It’s a comparison, as when you say on a cold day that your feet are “like blocks of ice”.
To use this technique, you use the word “like” and forget about “as” altogether. What you’re doing is (again) painting a picture in the other person’s mind by making a comparison. You’re accessing their imagination and making them see what you want them to see.
“Doing laundry is a bit like waiting for paint to dry, isn’t it?”
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The two things – laundry and wet paint – don’t actually have much in common (except that you can do one while waiting for the other). But that’s not important. The power of the simile is in its ability to connect two unrelated things, just by saying one is “like” the other. And if you’ve got the time and the confidence, you can expand on the simile and really get the other person’s imagination going:
“It must have been like that with photography in the days before it all went digital. It takes patience to have to wait and see the finished results of your work, watching it appear before your eyes in the tray full of chemicals, and then hanging it up to dry. You must get a real rush seeing the picture develop in front of you like that.”
You can carry on the simile as long as necessary, and can throw in a few compliments like “you look like you’d take a nice picture” or something similar. Remember to always use the word “You” and never let the pronoun “I” slip into the conversation.
These three tactics will fire up the other person’s imagination and get them thinking. Once they’re distracted, it’s easier to suggest going out with you for a walk, a drink, a meal, and so on.
In the next section we’ll look at some of the more popular terms that are currently used for various types of manipulation. It helps to know what they are, just in case someone calls you an AFC and you’re not sure if you should be flattered or insulted.
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Modern Manipulation Terms Know what an AMOG is? You soon will…
Below are some of the common terms in circulation for various methods of manipulating people. Some of them might repulse you on the one hand, although on the other hand when used discreetly they can be quite humorous.
And anything that gets a conversation going is a good thing, right?
1. Negging
A “neg” is simply a negative remark disguised as a backhanded compliment. It’s a way to gently startle someone out of their thought-stream and hopefully convince them to have a conversation with you.
Basically, negging is designed to confuse or intrigue the other person, tapping into their insecurity or shaking their confidence a little. In its gentler form it can be quite an amusing way to “pick up” girls – especially if it works:
“I like girls with a sense of humor. I can tell from the clothes you’re wearing that you must have a good one.”
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Or…
“I like tall girls. How tall are you without those enormous heels on?”
You might see negging defined in some places as a low-grade insult. Sure, that’s one way to employ the technique; but don’t hold your breath if you think that will pass muster. Try and be subtle, or amusing, and you stand a much better chance of success.
2. Neghit
A neghit is the result of negging. If you “neg” a girl, she can be described as being “neghit.”
Some people think these techniques are a load of nonsense. But I’ve seen them work. Like the time when Mark, a friend of mine, beat all the other men in the room to a staggeringly beautiful girl. She had a figure that Rodin (the sculptor) would drool over. So what did Mark do?
He walked up to her and said: “Are those tits real?”
Believe it or not, that was enough to get things moving. The girl laughed, and instantly started chatting. Meanwhile, all the other suckers in the room were left standing there, jealous.
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3. PUA
PUA stands for Pick Up Artist, someone who is skilled in the art of picking up women.
Someone who manages to date a different girl every night of the week, for example, would deserve to be labeled a PUA.
4. AMOG
AMOG has two different meanings.
The first is Alpha Male of the Group, someone that appears to be inordinately cool and is the centre of attention. It’s usually a guy that the men AND the women are attracted to the ladies because they want to be with him, the men because they want to be like him.
The second meaning is Alpha Male Other Guy, the guy that steals your girl right from under your nose. Perhaps it’s happened to you: you’re chatting away at a bar or club, you go to the toilet and when you come back, she’s engrossed in conversation with another fella. Not much you can do there, except find someone else to talk to.
Or, putting it another way:
“Always neghit the target so her friends don't AMOG you.”
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5. Sarging
Sarging refers to the activity of going out with either of two objectives in mind:
To hone your babe-pulling skills
To pull a babe
6. SHB11
SHB11 stands for Super Hot Babe 11.
This is a girl that’s SO hot she rates an 11 on a scale of 1 to 10. But don’t let the quality of her beauty put you off: beauty is only skin-deep, after all. A few funny quips and she could be putty in your hands.
7. IOI
An IOI is an Indicator of Interest.
Girls often display tell-tale signs that they’re interested in you. These include playing with their hair, laughing at things that are not really very funny, or asking you what your name is. If you see any of these signs, you know you’re in there.
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8. LMR
LMR is an acronym for Last Minute Resistance.
This happens when a girl puts up some form of resistance right before you kiss her/make love to her. She’s having second thoughts, unfortunately, so the gentlemanly thing to do is to stop and find out why.
9. AFC
AFC stands for Average Frustrated Chump.
This is the guy who sits in the corner and wonders why women aren’t approaching him. He lacks the skill and the confidence to pick up women.
If that sounds like you, take a deep breath. Women won’t approach you: you have to approach them. Do it and it’ll gradually become easy, almost second nature. And even if it doesn’t work the first few times, it’s better than sitting there like Billy No-mates!
So there you have it…
Take your new skills, go out sarging, and pull an SHB11 after negging her. Make sure you out-maneuver any AMOGs nearby, and when you get her where you want her, overcome any LMR.
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Conclusion There are lots of techniques available to manipulate people.
Some involve the science of NLP, others focus on simple persuasion, while still more have their roots in hypnosis.
The trick is that, if you ever hope to manipulate ANYONE into doing ANYTHING, you have to be able to take control.
You have to be able to start up some kind of conversation, and then keep it going long enough to employ some of the tactics you’ve learned in this book.
You have to be confident, daring, bold (sometimes) and willing to face the occasional rejection or two. And even if you get rejected, remember that it’s not the end of the world!
Some of the techniques described above have elements in common.
That’s a good thing, though, because not everyone will feel comfortable employing one tactic, while another will appeal instantly. Everybody’s different, after all, and it’s always good to have a choice.
Manipulative Psychology 101 also comes with three separate bonus guides that will help you learn to master the art of manipulation.
These are: Everyday NLP, 50+ Top Pickup Lines, and Body Language & Manipulation.
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Combined with everything you’ll learn in this book, they should give you all the ammunition you need to manipulate anybody you want.
Good luck – and stay in control!
“Mr X”
This copy is registered to Anna E-mail address:
[email protected]
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