Long Term Attraction

August 1, 2017 | Author: geo iceman | Category: Human Sexual Activity, Jokes, Happiness & Self-Help, Deception, Psychology & Cognitive Science
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How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

All Rights Reserved © 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

All Rights Reserved Copyright © 2008 MeetYourSweet.com Any opinions, findings, conclusions, or recommendations expressed herein are those of the speaker(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of MeetYourSweet.com. The information contained in this book is provided ‘as is’ without warranty of any kind. The entire risk as to the results and the performance of the information is assumed by the user, and in no event shall MeetYourSweet.com be liable for any consequential, incidental or direct damages suffered in the course of using the information in this book. No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted or distributed in any form or by any means, electrical or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system without permissionin writing from MeetYourSweet.com.

All Rights Reserved © 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

CONTENTS The Magic of Laughter. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 Finding Time for One Another. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 How to Be Naturally Attractive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Does Attraction Matter Less Once You’re in a Relationship? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 Why Communication Matters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 How to Keep Physical Attraction Alive. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 How to Feel Attractive. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13 Keeping Your Sex Life Hot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14 Staying Attracted to Your Partner. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 Keeping Mental Attraction Alive. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 Communicating the “Real You”. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 How to Grow Personally and Become Happier. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 Top 3 Tips to Maintaining Long-Term Attraction. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19

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How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

“How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction” Amy: Hello and welcome to MeetYourSweet.com. I’m Amy Waterman. Have you ever struggled with maintaining long-term attraction in a relationship? It’s amazing to think that some couples manage to keep those fires alight for 10, 20, even 50 years together. How in the world do they do it? How do they stay attracted to that same person for such a long time? That’s what we are going to explore today in this program on “How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction.” Now, to discuss attraction with me today is Marie Forleo. Marie is the Fox News Online Life Coach and relationship expert, as well as author of Make Every Man Want You or Make Yours Want You More: How to Be So Damn Irresistible You Will Barely Keep from Dating Yourself! Marie doesn’t only coach women; she has also appeared in David DeAngelo’s Interviews with Dating Gurus. Through her life coaching service The Good Life, Marie teaches her clients to sky-rocket their productivity, revitalize their relationships, and have more fun, fulfillment, and satisfaction than ever before.

Welcome, Marie!

Marie: Thank you so much Amy. It is a pleasure to be here.

The Magic of Laughter Amy: First of all, I have to start with a personal question. I know that you have been with your partner for sometime now. What do you guys do to keep the attraction alive in your relationship? Marie: One of the things that we do is keep it fun. One of the biggest pitfalls I see my clients make is that they get so serious in their relationships. All of the conversations seem to be a fight or talking about money or how the relationship is doing or these really serious issues. There is no space for fun and laughter and being silly.

We’re goofballs in our relationship. We are laughing all the time. Just having a great time with the person that you are with is one of the biggest secrets to keep the attraction alive in your relationship.

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How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

Amy: One of the things that my partner and I really enjoy doing is watching funny movies. If there is something in there that you think is particularly funny, you can develop an inside joke. Silly stuff like that, having those inside jokes that you can refer to over and over again, builds that bond of connection and makes you feel like you share something special that no one else does.

Finding Time for One Another Amy: Having fun is always a valuable thing, but what do you think about couples that say, “Right, I need to make a special effort to keep the attraction alive”? Do you think that keeping that attraction alive should just be a natural part of the relationship, or do you really have to make an effort to do it? Marie: You do need to make somewhat of an effort. In our fast-paced world, it is so easy to get pulled into business and the day-to-day grind that, when you finally come together at the end of the evening, you are often are so tired that there is no energy left for intimacy, sex or cuddling.

It’s a great idea to keep your attention on making time for each other and making sure that you have enough energy at the end of the day to be with your partner. Especially when kids come into the picture, life can get really complex. Oftentimes, all the attention goes to the kids, then it goes to work and your business, and then there is nothing left for your partner.

Make a conscious effort to have your attraction, spark and passion be a priority in your life. It’s just like working out: if you’re not in the habit of working out, at first you really need to make a conscious effort to get yourself there, until you build that habit. Attraction can be just the same way.

Amy: You said that people get so tired at the end of the day that they just want to fall into bed. Some people may be asking, “Where do you get the energy from to come home and actually have energy for your partner, when really, you don’t have any energy left?” Marie: That comes back to what I teach my clients about in my books and programs.

When you start operating from a transformational perspective, meaning that you start living more of your life in the moment rather than in your thoughts, you will be shocked at how much more energy you have.

The problem with most of us is that we are going through our days resisting All Rights Reserved © 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

everything. We don’t want to be at work while we are at work. We are complaining about the weather, and we are complaining about co-workers. So with all of that resistance for eight to ten hours in the day, of course you are going to come home and feel drained!

Rather than try and tackle it at the end, you want to take a look at the source. The source of that exhaustion is how you are operating during your day. If you can start to transform that and start to come at it from a new place, you will find that at the end of the day you will actually have a lot more energy than you used to. It is not going to be such a big concerted effort to try and spend some time with your partner.

How to Be Naturally Attractive Amy: What you are saying, then, is that attraction is built when you are actually spending quality time with your partner.

However, if you go to traditional dating sources, they are going to tell you, “No, no. That’s not how you do it. You don’t get attraction by being more available. You get attraction by being less available. So what you should do is be mysterious and not spend all your time with your partner. Make sure you go off and do things on your own, and make sure you always look very attractive for them.”

What do you think about that more traditional advice? Does it work?

Marie: You can’t really set rules up for how you should be. You’ve got to be natural.

If you have a full life, you are naturally going to be spending time apart. If you’re a woman, you are going to be going out to the hair salon, the gym, shopping, and having time with your friends. If those things are a natural part of your life, then obviously you are going to have time apart. It’s not set up as a manipulation to try and be attractive; it is an honest expression of who you are being in your life. When it comes to keeping yourself looking good, I think everyone needs that. It’s about how you feel about yourself, not being or looking a certain way in order to get something from someone. It’s about having self-respect and treating yourself with the same type of priceless value that you treat other things. When I’m walking around outside or going on a business trip or going shopping, I want to look good for me, because I feel great like that. I know that my partner appreciates it. All Rights Reserved © 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

It’s less about, “What you are doing?” and more about, “Why are you doing it?” If you are coming at it from a place where you are trying to manipulate someone into being attracted to you, you are always going to be dissatisfied. You are never going to feel good. But, if you are living your life fully and are engaged moment to moment, like everything you do matters, naturally you are going to be attractive.

Does Attraction Matter Less Once You’re in a Relationship? Amy: We often think that attraction matters a lot more in the beginning of a relationship, because that is what draws a person’s eye to you. Attraction is what makes a person decide that they want to spend more time with you.

Then there is this feeling that once you get the person and are in the relationship, that attraction side doesn’t matter so much, because you have already got them.

Do you think that attraction matters more in the early stages and less in the later stages, or is it equal?

Marie: I actually think it matters all throughout your relationship.

One of the things that happens for most people is that, as the relationship goes on, there is more and more communication that gets swept under the carpet. There are all these things that people start having mini-resentments over. By the time that three, four, or five years goes by, there are so many uncommunicated truths that the lack of communication is what kills the attraction.

At the beginning of any relationship, there is no history. There is no karma. You have never done anything to each other. There aren’t these lists of, “You did this to me; I did that to you,” going back and forth. If you are not communicating with each other and clearing things out on a regular basis, after a few months or years those types of resentments have a detrimental effect on your ability to feel attracted to one and other. It is vitally important at the beginning and at every stage in a relationship to keep that attraction going. It is not always about how you look; it is about the communication that is happening between you.

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How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

Why Communication Matters Amy: A lot of people might be quite surprised to hear that communication is such a big factor in attraction. It’s not just about saying, “I think you look hot,” but also communicating about difficult things, like conflicts you don’t want to talk about. Marie: It’s one of the areas that most of us neglect. We are so trained to focus on the outer, the form, and what people see, that we miss our inner life. We miss all of these vitally important factors that have everything to do with how we are feeling, including how attractive we are feeling and how attracted to our partners we feel. Amy: I’ve got a great question for you, Marie. We work with a lot of couples with marriage difficulties through Save My Marriage Today. A common question we get from couples is this.

They have been married for 10, 20, 30 years; they have kids together, and the relationship has always worked. Suddenly one of them has come to the other partner and said, “You know, I’m just not in love with you anymore. I feel like we are roommates more than lovers. There is no spark. Should we end the relationship, because I just don’t feel that way about you any more?”

Marie, what is going wrong in these relationships?

Marie: Oftentimes, it is going to come down to communication.

Every relationship is different, so it is important that, as you are reading this, you take a look for yourself to see your truth and see what is happening in your circumstance. I had a client who was experiencing this very issue. What it was, was that he wasn’t present. He runs his own company, has a multimillion-dollar business, three great kids and a loving wife. But for the ten years he was building his business, even when he was home, he wasn’t really there. His body was there, but his mind wasn’t. By the time he started working with me, it was looking like they were heading for divorce. I started teaching him the principles that I teach people in coaching, in my books, and in my programs about how to actually be present, so that when you are with your partner, you are actually with them.

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How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

Everything started to turn around for him. They are actually happier now than they have ever been. He credits it all to him discovering how to be present, so now, when he is with his wife and kids, he is actually there. It is really important that you have to take a look at what is happening with your particular situation. Are you still intimate? Are you having sex? Are there communications that are being withheld? Is there anything that either of you is lying about? You have really got to go through and take a long hard look at what is the honest truth about your situation. Anything can be transformed, but you have to be willing to say, “You know what? If the truth is that the relationship has come to completion, then it may be time to move on.” You can’t give a blanket answer to this, but I would really strongly encourage everyone reading this to just be honest with themselves and take a look at what is really happening in their relationship now. Amy: It seems to me that you are saying there is a very strong link between having a healthy relationship and being attracted to one another. Which comes first? Is it that you are attracted to one another; therefore, you try hard enough to have a healthy relationship? Or is it that if you have a healthy relationship, then you’ll naturally feel attracted to one another? Marie: I think they can happen at the same time. It’s more about being there with your partner.

This is the thing about love is that you can’t figure it out from your mind. You can’t set up a “smart” strategy to keep it alive. It all comes down to your willingness to really be there and play full-out from moment to moment.

Some people may have felt physical attraction for one another and then they discover they are going to be great partners, and a wonderful relationship blossoms out of that. For others, they could have a really healthy friendship, and then all of a sudden discover that they are physically attracted to one another.

There is no one-size-fits-all for how it is going to turn out, but it really does come down to having a healthy relationship and keeping that attraction alive. It is almost like a beautiful circle: one feeds the other.

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How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

How to Keep Physical Attraction Alive Amy: Physical attraction can really be an issue in some long-term relationships. We have a lady client who’s written to us. Let’s see if you can give her some advice. She says, “My husband has just told me that he is no longer attracted to me any more, but we have been married for seven years now. Shouldn’t we be past all that? Of course I don’t look the same as when we were dating. I have had two kids and I can’t parade around in a miniskirt all day. But he is no beauty either. He has a beer gut and is balding. I love him just the same because I don’t care what he looks like. Shouldn’t love be about more than lust?” Marie: It is such an interesting question, because even within the way this woman is writing, there is a clear and blatant disrespect for her husband. Even though it is said in a funny way – “But he is no beauty either” – I would never talk about my partner that way.

You can feel within the undercurrent of how she is operating that there is not a mutual respect there. There is such an underlying sense of frustration that it is impossible for them to feel attracted to one another if there is not inherent kindness.

One of the things that most of us have been brought up with is this war of the sexes: men against women. [It’s like], “Men get to do this,” or, “Women have to always look good or men are not going to find them attractive, but look at these balding guys and they want to sit on their fat butts.” There is this constant separation where there is not mutual respect and love. To answer her question, I would say to take a look at and get really interested in what they can do to get back the spark. If he is saying that he doesn’t feel that attracted to her anymore, dig deeper rather than just getting frustrated and saying, “I’m not going to parade around in a miniskirt all day.” That’s just stomping around like a frustrated little girl. I would suggest that she starts acting like a woman and take on these issues facefront and have a discussion. Take a look: maybe she could be taking better care of herself. Maybe if she got herself in great shape – which, by no means, means perfect shape, it just means going to the gym, eating healthy meals, and taking good care of herself. She might actually inspire him, and they might discover a whole new way to relate to each other through a healthy and fit lifestyle. It’s about taking a look deeper. Of course love is about more than lust, but you have got to be willing to see your partner and see what you are doing to turn the All Rights Reserved © 2008 MeetYourSweet.com


How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

guy off. Maybe your attitude is so cranky all the time that of course he doesn’t feel attracted to you anymore, because you are no fun to be around. Amy: It seems to me that you are saying there isn’t really a clear distinction between physical attraction and mental attraction. In other words, being attracted to someone isn’t just about what they look like, but it’s also about who they are and how they are behaving. Marie: Yes. Amy: Let’s look a little bit more about the looks side of it. I know a lot of people out there think, “I just can’t maintain long-term attraction with my partner, because as I get older, I know I am not as attractive. There are all these other hot young things out there that are going to attract my partner away from me.” Is it true?

Say we have a woman in her 50s or 60s, and she says, “There is no possible way that I am going to have the body of a 20-year-old. How can I make sure that I continue to attract my partner, even when my body is experiencing the effects of aging?”

Marie: You have got to be willing to take a step back and realize that we are spiritual beings in a physical body. We are not our bodies, but we have been so conditioned by society to keep looking at the outside that that’s where everyone’s attention is.

The outside is a form that is going to disintegrate. All of our forms are going to disintegrate; our houses will disintegrate, and everything that we know and think is so permanent will go away, including our soft skin, muscles, and eventually our bones. Rather than having all of this attention on the outside, you have got to take a look at what is happening on the inside. As we get older, it is really about your being. It’s how you are living your life. Are you vibrant, fun, interesting, and positive? Do you have a great attitude? Are you willing to be of service? Those are the kind of things that are extraordinarily attractive, no matter what you look like. I know quite a few women in their 60s and 70s that are incredibly sexy. They are not full of plastic surgery; they are fun-loving, vivacious, and look beautiful. They absolutely look their age, and their husbands love them. I’m 100% clear that it is not about focusing on the outside. While you should take great care of yourself, it really is about who you are being at any stage in your life. That’s the ultimate attractant. All Rights Reserved © 2008 MeetYourSweet.com


How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

Amy: I’m thinking about how our thoughts create actual physical effects on our bodies. For example, if I’m happy, I’m going to smile. If I’m smiling and someone looks at me, they say, “Oh, she’s attractive.” If I feel good about myself, I naturally have better posture, so someone will look at me and say, “My, she is pretty,” just because I have better posture.

What are some physical things that we can think about when we want to be beautiful without changing our looks, such as smiling more, having better posture, or using our body in a way that communicates that we have this radiant being inside?

Marie: Really being comfortable in your body comes back to [the question]: are you using it?

One of the benefits of any type of physical discipline – like yoga, taking dance classes, running, cycling, anything that you do on a regular basis that you are passionate about – is that you really get a feeling of being in your body. You get a feeling of groundedness and balance.

One of the things that I love about yoga is not only is it spiritually centering, but it is body-balancing. After I get done with a yoga class, I just feel tall. I feel in myself; I’m not lost in my thoughts, and my body reflects that.

What any woman can do for themselves is exercise. Make sure you are exercising. Make sure you are using your body. I was in Orlando last week, and the amount of obese people was shocking. It is incredibly important to use our bodies, respect them, and take care of them.

So, looking at we can do physically, exercise. You will be more in your body, and you will be more grounded and centered naturally. You don’t have to do “so much;” you don’t have to do something to try and be something you are not. It’s authentic. It just happens instantaneously.

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How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

How to Feel Attractive Amy: Let’s talk about body image. I think that is a huge issue for both men and women. We have guys out there that think, “Gosh, no matter how much exercise I do, I’m not looking 18 again. Things don’t work like they used to. I’m getting hair in odd places.” We have women saying, “No matter what I do after having these kids, I can’t seem to get my baby belly off, and I have cellulite.”

These people think that the only chance they have of being attractive to their partner – or attractive at all – is to lose twenty pounds and get a facelift. They think it’s going to take plastic surgery to get them looking attractive.

What advice would you suggest for getting these people to see themselves as attractive beings again?

Marie: You have got to be yourself inside first. That is one of the biggest secrets.

Pay attention to the voice in your head, (which, by the way, isn’t you). Start listening to how you talk to yourself. Most of us are so mean to ourselves in the apparent privacy of our own thoughts. We would never treat our friends like that.

Begin looking at how you are talking to you. What are you saying to yourself inside of your head? You have to start to shift that. Be kind and gentle with yourself.

No two things can occupy the same space at the same time. Whatever shape your body is in right now, whatever age you’re at, it can only be as exactly as it is; it couldn’t be different. So you might as well embrace it.

From here, anything is possible. Some people do need to lose twenty pounds. They need it for their heart and their cardiovascular systems. If they went to their doctor’s office, [they may find that] although they’re maybe 40 years old, their body age may be closer to 60. They need to get to the gym.

It does come back to, “How are you treating yourself on the inside?” Once you start being kind to you and respecting yourself inside, it is a lot easier to make those changes on the outside.

Amy: What is it like for our partners? Let’s say you are in this situation, and you just feel like your body is gross. You have done everything you can to get better self-esteem, but it’s not happening. What is it like for the person married to or dating someone like that? What is their experience?

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How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

Marie: If you are hard on yourself, you are going to be hard on the person that you are with. It is very difficult to experience pleasure or to even relax if you have a partner who is so self-condemning. There is no opportunity to play, there is no lightheartedness, and everything is shrouded in shame and guilt. I’d estimate it would be very difficult to be with someone that has that kind of low self-esteem. It’s almost impossible to have a great, fun, playful sex life if you are not willing to just be yourself. Amy: One of the really important things that is coming through this is that, if you are going to be attractive to your partner, you’ve got to be attractive to yourself first, and that is one of the hardest challenges any of us have. Marie: It is an interesting paradox. While you have to be kind to yourself and need to take care of your body inside and out, when you are in an intimate situation with your partner, put your attention on them rather than having your attention on you. Once again, no two things can occupy the same space at the same time.

What you want to always do is put your attention on taking care of that person, whether you are massaging their back or stroking their hair or kissing them. Whatever you are doing, put your attention on taking care of them and on the experience, rather than turning the light back on yourself to ask, “How am I doing? How do I look? What about this? What about that?” That is just going to send you into a place where there is no space for passion or romance.

But if you keep the attention out on the other person and on having fun, there is no space to work on you, and there is no space to think about your thighs or your butt. It is just about having a great time.

Keeping Your Sex Life Hot Amy: We have talked before in other interviews about the importance of sex to maintaining a healthy relationship. What would you tell our readers about having a good sex life and maintaining your feelings of attraction to one another? Marie: You have got to make sex a regular practice. I know from first-hand experience, being a busy woman and an entrepreneur myself. There are times when, physically, it is just easier to go to bed.

But if you really want to maintain that spark and attraction in your relationship, you just have to override it. All it takes is five minutes. If you override your tiredness for five minutes and just get things going, pretty soon your body takes over, and all of a All Rights Reserved © 2008 MeetYourSweet.com


How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

sudden you are having a great time!

It is really about making sex a #1 priority so that it doesn’t fall to the back burner, where it just goes away and all of a sudden you are like, “Wow, we haven’t had sex for two months.” I think that one of the biggest myths out there is that sex has to go down in frequency over time. I really don’t believe that that is true. That is an old wives’ tale. That is just people settling, because they are not willing to communicate on a consistent basis. It is just easier to not have it and settle for mediocrity rather than keep your communication clear and go for great sex all the time.

Staying Attracted to Your Partner Amy: We have been focusing a lot on whether your partner is attracted to you, and that’s a very important part of attraction. But I believe that a very significant part of keeping attraction alive is showing your partner how attracted you are to them. This comes down to things you were talking about earlier: respect and showing your partner you appreciate them. Could you talk about showing attraction to our partners can really keep that attraction alive in a relationship? Marie: Big time. Think about it. From a woman-to-man point of view, appreciating your man and treating him kindly and initiating some sexual activity is going to make him feel like a rock star. If he feels great and feels appreciated, loved, and sexy, then naturally he is going to want to reciprocate.

Again, it goes back to that circle: which comes first, attraction or the healthy relationship? They both actually feed each other. I can think of nothing more attractive than letting your partner know how attractive he or she is and really fueling the appreciation, taking those moments to give a caress or give a hug or to greet them and show how genuinely happy you are to see them.

Keeping Mental Attraction Alive Amy: Let’s move on to staying mentally attractive to our partner. One of the things I’ve noticed is that when some people go into a relationship, it’s almost like they censor themselves. They make sure they are on their best behavior the entire time so that they don’t lose this new wonderful person they have just started dating.

However, over time, everybody gets slack. It is because they are no longer holding All Rights Reserved © 2008 MeetYourSweet.com


How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

back their true self. Whereas, once upon a time, they would have made an effort – they would have kissed their partner, initiated sex, and tried to look good – instead they just start acting like the same way they did around their parents. They start taking their partner for granted.

What sorts of behaviors are really off-putting and kill attraction in a relationship?

Marie: Some of the things to look out for are being sharp; treating their partner like they are stupid or less, or they should know better; snapping at your partner; or just treating them like a second-class citizen and not holding them up as someone you cherish and that you want around always.

Look at, “Would you behave this way towards someone you just met?” and, if the answer is no, then why? Why are you giving yourself permission to treat your partner like crap? You have got to give yourself a little reality check.

One of the other things that you will want to look out for is withholding communication. If your partner asks if something is wrong, you need to say, “You know what? This is actually what is happening inside of me,” rather than lie and say, “Everything is fine.”

You don’t have to complain about it – it doesn’t have to be a drama – but you have really got to be honest in your communication with your partner. One of the behaviors that will kill attractiveness is lying or any kind of dishonesty or deception.

Communicating the “Real You” Amy: That brings up a really interesting point. A lot of people really worry about telling their partner their real feelings and the real stuff going on underneath, because they worry that it will turn their partner off if they say that stuff, or their partner will suddenly see what a “horrible” person they “really” are and cease to love them or want to be in a relationship with them.

What would you tell people who are really afraid of revealing the ugly side of themselves? How would you counsel them into learning how to communicate that?

Marie: It is important to realize that most of us have very similar thoughts and very similar thought structures. Even though our stories are flavored with our particular cultural and familiar history, it’s all the same stuff. The more honest you can be with your partner, the more honest they can be with you, and the deeper the connection [will be].

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How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

If you can’t be honest about who you are and what you think, it’s a big red flag. If you can’t be and say what is really on your mind, if you have to suppress yourself to hold onto this relationship, you don’t really have a relationship. You are in love of the idea of the relationship, and I guarantee it won’t last very long; if it does, it won’t be very satisfying. If you are holding back or suppressing yourself, you have to take a closer look at whether this is the right relationship for you.

Amy: People often say, “The person I started dating five years ago isn’t the same person they are now.” Or they say, “My partner has changed. They used to be really fun and always up for new things, but now they’re a grouch and sit on the couch. They don’t even make an effort anymore. The attraction is dead.”

What advice would you give to couples that accuse the other person of not being the person they started dating or married in the first place?

Marie: I would always say, “Take a look at yourself first,” because people like to point the finger outside. [But two] people are a matched set. Whenever something is happening in a relationship, it is never one person’s fault. It takes two to tango.

I don’t care if someone is cheating or anything that is going on; you have a part in it, whether you recognize it or not. So the first place to look is at yourself and ask, “What am I doing, or what am I being, that is driving my partner to be this way? Have I been present? Have I been fun? Am I initiating fun things? Am I nagging them all the time? Am I cranky? Am I constantly criticizing them?” There are all sorts of things to look at that would drive a person to behave in a certain way.

If you have honestly taken a look and you can’t see anything, you need to have a compassionate, truthful discussion with your partner. Say, “Hey, I would love to talk to you about something. Here’s what I’m noticing; here is my experience. I want to hear yours.” Then, you share it in a way [such that] you are not pointing a finger at them as though they are the “bad one,” but you are really interested in discovering what mechanic you have developed that isn’t working, so you can unwire it and move onto something more fun.

If they are not interested or willing – once again, another red flag – you have got to take a look at whether you want to continue to invest in a relationship where one of the partners is unwilling to take a look at what is really happening and invest in the health of the relationship. If they are unwilling, it would be my guess that it is time to move on.

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How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

How to Grow Personally and Become Happier Amy: In relationships where couples maintain attraction over a long period of time, one of the reasons is that both of them are committed to personal growth. Both partners are learning new things, working on becoming a better person, and working on becoming a better partner. Their lives are changing and evolving in parallel.

However, some people respond, “Well, that’s all very well for those people but I don’t have time. I’ve got kids, work, and family commitments. I don’t have time to develop and spend time on personal growth.”

Do you think that personal growth pays an essential part in attraction?

Marie: I don’t know if it pays an essential part in attraction; I certainly believe it plays an essential part in a healthy relationship.

When two people are really interested at looking at their life and discovering how to live their lives with magnificence and communicate on an ever-evolving level, I can’t see that relationship going anywhere but up. Even if the relationship were to cease to be, both people would leave better off than when they started. If you are interested in having a healthy relationship, I do think that investing in yourself and in your ability to relate is a no-brainer.

For people who say they don’t have time, that is an excuse. When you think about people like Madonna or even the president of the U.S.A., those people have the same twenty-four hours a day that we do, and they get an incredible amount accomplished. I have lots of stories of single mums and mums with multiple kids and businesses that still make time for their partners and for their personal development.

So I just don’t buy it when people say they don’t have time. They just don’t want to. They don’t want to make the time.

Amy: One of the most important things in terms of personal development, I think, is simply learning to be more at peace and happier all the time. It goes without question that one of the most attractive human beings on earth is someone that is at peace with themselves and happy. Marie, do you have any advice on how people can really make an effort on increasing their happiness levels in their life so that they are more attractive? Marie: First, you need to decide first [to do something about it]. If you find yourself in a space in life where you are not happy with how things are going, you need to make All Rights Reserved © 2008 MeetYourSweet.com


How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

a clear decision how you are going to handle it. You may not know how – you may not have all the information – but you need to make a decision to do it. Nothing will happen until you make that decision that you are going to get it handled.

Second, you want to find some great mentors and great information. Do your homework. Learn from people that live what they teach. I only work with coaches and mentors who actually live what they teach. They are a model of what I am learning from them. It’s not like they are just teaching theory or they are just great marketers; they are actually a living, breathing model of what I would like to learn.

Third, you have got to go for it. You have got to invest for yourself and in yourself. Whether it is books, CDs or live coaching, you have got to learn from people.

If it is not an innate skill that you have, it is acquirable. It is learnable, and anybody can learn to be more at peace and to lead a happier and more magical life. It is just about aligning yourself with people that resonate for you.

One of the reasons I put out my products, books, and programs is because I like to keep it really simple and fun. It is extraordinarily powerful to learn how to stop living in your thoughts and live in the moment. For me, that has been the most powerful access point to peace and happiness there is.

Top 3 Tips to Maintaining Long-Term Attraction Amy: We have covered a lot of ground in this interview. I just want to conclude with summing up the top ideas that we have brought out. Marie, when it comes to long term attraction in a relationship, what would you say are the top three most important things a person can do? Marie: First, you want to take great care of yourself. That means both inside and out. [It includes] taking great care of your spirit, taking great care of your mind, and taking great care of your body; feeding yourself very nutritious food and regular exercise. I don’t care what discipline you have, but get your butt out there and get moving! Second, take care of the people around you. Treat them with incredible love and respect. When you are with your partner, listen to them. Put your attention on them rather than directing it at yourself [and thinking], “I’m so bad. I’m so heavy. Look at my thighs; look at my wrinkles.” Just be with that person. Give them your full attention. Let them bask in the beauty and the glow of your being, and watch how incredibly attractive they become.

All Rights Reserved © 2008 MeetYourSweet.com


How to Reignite and Maintain Long-Term Attraction

Third, upgrade your communication skills. In Make Every Man Want You we talk about a lot about how to communicate like the brilliant, irresistible woman you are, because your communication skills are vitally important to keeping that attraction alive for the long-term. All of us are human beings; we are naturally going to have things that come up and situations that we need to handle. Having excellent communication skills is the key to handling those problems quickly and cleanly, so that you guys can get back to the fun. Amy: Let’s say that we are speaking to someone out there who has lost the attraction in their relationship. Is it possible to bring back those loving feelings? Marie: Absolutely, bring it back! It is about having a good time, and you have to decide that you are going to do it. It may not work out or it may, but unless you put your foot on the gas and go full steam ahead, then you will never know and you’ll spend a lot of time scratching your head, thinking, “What if?”

If you have lost that loving feeling, you have got to go for it! Go for bringing it back, whether you are having fun, whether you do a little striptease, whether you have a romantic dinner, some great conversations or a bubble bath, it doesn’t matter, but go for it full-out and see what happens. That is the only thing that is going to allow you to discover that it can come back, and, if it can’t, it may just be that you are ready for something brand-new and better than you ever imagined.

Amy: Thank you so much for joining us today, Marie. It has been great having you, as always. Fantastic advice! Marie: Thank you so much. Amy: If you are interested in Marie’s coaching services or wondering where you can go to get her book Make Every Man Want You, you can find out more at Marie’s website: www.meetyoursweet.com/recommends/marie

There, you can also sign up for her FREE newsletter, “The Good Life Secrets”!

That’s it from all of us at MeetYourSweet.com. Join us again for more great information on how to change your life, starting today!

All Rights Reserved © 2008 MeetYourSweet.com


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