LOL (Laugh Out Loud) by Alison White

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LOL (Laugh Out Loud) Humour for life – and speakers The Survival Of The Wittiest

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Alison has had a life-long interest in humour as a communication skill. Not having been personally blessed with the gift of humour, she has had to study it to find out how it is developed and used. She has discovered that humour is also a science and an art. As a speaker, she found humour to be an invaluable asset in presentations and has learned techniques to use it when speaking.

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Alison White

LOL (Laugh Out Loud) Humour for life – and speakers The Survival of the Wittiest

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Copyright © A l i s o n W h i t e The right of Alison White to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with section 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers. Any person who commits any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages. I have tried to acknowledge the author of a joke or one-liner, if known. However so much humour has been around since the dawn of time, having been re-told and updated over the eons. The original author may be impossible to find and may have well even been Adam (or Eve). Humour can also be attributed to the wrong author during this period of recycling; ah, such is the nature of humour… I have also tried to acknowledge the authors of quotations. However, these can suffer the same fate as humour, for they too can vary from the original and find themselves often attributed to others. The original quote and author can be lost in this process. A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library. ISBN 978 1 84963 222 5 www.austinmacauley.com First Published (2013) Austin & Macauley Publishers Ltd. 25 Canada Square Canary Wharf London E14 5LB Printed & Bound in Great Britain 5

Dedication To my husband John and daughter Claire, who have had a life-time of listening to my jokes and attempts at humour, and have suffered for my sake. Also, my late father Ted, a lifelong exponent of humour and my early mentor in the art. My late mother Ivy must also be included for as she once complained to my father, “I have been listening to the same jokes for 60 years!” (His response was that after 60 years, it would be easier to change his wife than his jokes). I would also like to thank the publishers Austin Macauley, for giving me the opportunity to publish.

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INTRODUCTION WHY ME?

Those that can, do; those that can‟t, teach. GB Shaw

Why is an old biddy like me, presuming to teach you about the use of Humour? If I am so clever and such a riot, why am I not out there with Joan Rivers, Jennifer Saunders and Dawn French, bringing the house down and earning millions? Good question. And the answer is that I am not as talented as these people – not by a country mile! Because I do not have their talent but I love humour and comedy, I have made a study of the subject in a way those who have natural talent do not need to do. Perhaps it is the old maxim as above, of, „those who can do, and those who can‟t teach!‟ Also, I was a professional speaker – hey more semiprofessional really. I have always tried to make any presentation or workshop I undertook, contain humour. I believe that every speaking event, even the most serious of topics, should contain some humour – and 7

in fact, must contain humour. The driest lecture on economics, the annual report to shareholders or the funeral eulogy, are all enhanced by humour. It is my belief that every presentation or speech should have at least three humour interludes – at the beginning, the middle and the end, and more if possible. I originally decided to write this book for speakers. It was designed to assist speakers to introduce humour into their presentations, or to be able to give humourous speeches such as the after-dinner variety. But as I worked I realised that trying to teach humour to speakers who may have little or no personal sense of humour, might be like trying to teach someone with no sense of balance to be an acrobat. So I decided to extend this mission to (hopefully) help speakers and anyone else who is interested, how to improve their „humour quotient‟; that is, their use of humour as a life skill. And then move on to speaking. Can humour or comedy be learned? I believe that we are all born with a capacity for humour but I guess that there are a small group of people who have no humour at all. Perhaps these unfortunates have had some sort of deprivation in their upbringing which has led to them being impervious to the comedy around them. Perhaps they were brought up in an environment where they were told to wipe the smile off their faces and not to be funny. Perhaps their homes were mausoleums of selfrighteous piety and somber gloom. I even knew one very religious family many years ago, who actually thought that humour was a sin. Maybe some people really think that you can die laughing; or when someone starts off a humourous 8

anecdote or joke with the preamble, „this one will slay you‟ – they really mean it! Whatever happened to humourless people, they are a nightmare for the humourist. They do not understand jokes, and as for irony…!! Make a satirical remark to these people and they usually take you literally. You end up having to say „just joking‟, explaining your meaning or slashing your wrists. Fortunately, these sad people are in the minority and I am not sure that a little humour education might not do some of them some good. People who are a particular problem for me, are those who have sufficient appreciation of humour to attempt to tell a joke, and then forget the punch line. Maybe this is a psychosomatic ploy, in which their emotions allow them to go so far with humour. These people are stuck in the middle somewhere: they know that humour works but just do not know how to go the whole mile. If this is you, then you have humour potential. Read on. I have learned that humour is certainly a gift that some people are lucky enough to possess. However there is also a science and an art to humour, both of which can be learned by those of us without the gift. By learning these skills, as in any subject that you might have mastered, you too can become a humourist. I liken learning the science and art of humour, to the old Atlas Body Building advertisements of my „yoof‟. Those closer to my age group might recall pictorial advertisements drawn in comic frames, of the poor lad who “was a 90 pound weakling”. He got sand kicked in his face at the beach by the bully, in front of the bikiniclad girls. So he sends off for the Atlas Body Building 9

kit, which enables people to practise body building in their own home without equipment. It apparently taught the basic muscle moves and people practiced pretending they had barbells, weights and the like. I understand that this was a very successful method of instruction in body building, and the 90 pound weakling returns to the beach after using this method, turned the table on the bully and impresses the girls. (Maybe many a prisoner practising in his cell, managed to stage a jail break with his newly acquired muscles?) Hopefully my years of observation will help you to use the Atlas kit of humour – I give you the tools and you do the practise. I do not have the monopoly on this subject by any means, and remember, these are only my views and understandings. Read as widely as you can on the topic, attend comedy routines and shows – immerse yourself in the topic. Make your own study of the subject. I have attempted to keep the examples of jokes anecdotes and quotations used, as respectable as possible. However I have not always succeeded in this endeavour, as some jokes that might not be suitable for every audience, were such good examples of the genre, that I could not help but include them. And some of them tickled my laughter muscle so much, that I felt that I could not ignore them. My apologies if I have offended anyone. I have also tried to acknowledge the author of a joke, if known. However so many jokes have been around since the dawn of time, having been told and re-told and updated over the eons, that the original author is impossible to find. It might well be Adam or Eve. 10

Being an Australian, many of my examples are Australian (what a surprise!). So where possible, where the person or show is not internationally known, I have included a brief explanation.

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CHAPTER 1 WHY BOTHER?

Never teach comedy. It's ludicrous. It's like teaching someone sight. If you can see, it's pointless; if you can't see, it's pointless. Ricky Gervais

Teaching humour is like dissecting a frog. You can do it, but the thing dies in the process. EB White

If Gervais and White are correct, why bother to even try to write a book about educating people in the ways of humour? Maybe I am a tiger for punishment believing I can do what others far more clever, talented and more humourous than me, would not even attempt? However, such talents as these people for whom humour is part of their genetic make-up, probably have no idea what the rest of us, without their gift, need to do to find humour in our lives. 12

Trying to increase one‟s humour quotient, is I believe, a little like people with a natural negative disposition looking to become more positive in their thinking. People need to be shown different thought processes. I always think that humour is part of an optimistic outlook, and if you learn to bring humour into your life, you will also bring optimism. It is my view that you can look at any situation through various „windows‟ and given some appreciation of this, you can choose which window from which to view a situation or event. For example, if there is the squeal of brakes outside your house, the pessimist might look through the negative filter of „why do these things happen outside my house! I bet they have taken out my front fence and torn up my lawn. And I might have to phone the ambulance and I have no idea of first aid – woe is me!!!!!‟ The optimist will say „I hope that no-one is hurt and as long as people are safe there is no problem. I will see what I can do to help if required.‟ The humourist will examine the situation in much the same way as the optimist and after rendering any assistance, might examine the event for its humour content. The rakish angle of the front fence, the police screeching around the corner on two wheels, the occupant of the car who hopped out and berated the ambulance staff, are all possible humour angles. The humourist might dine out on this story for a long while. However, the value and rewards of having a sense of humour are so great that it is worth persevering.

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CHAPTER 2 THE VALUE OF A SENSE OF HUMOUR (SOH)

A person without a sense of humour is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road. Henry Ward Beecher

A person without a sense of humour has no sense at all. Anon

The day you do not laugh, is a day wasted. Charlie Chaplin

I‟ve often said the most difficult things that I have to say to people through humour; I can very quickly put someone in their place with it. But we all walk away unscathed because there have been some funnies around it… Dawn French

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The value of a SOH – in one word – incalculable! It has been said that the thing that people remember most about another person – apart from their gender – is their sense of humour. This is surely a very good reason to hone your personal sense of humour and give people something to remember you by? If you have ever perused the personal columns of newspapers you will note, that the most asked for quality that people want in a potential mate/partner is a GSOH. This means a good sense of humour. I must admit that for years I wondered what this acronym stood for. Was it Great Stylish Old House? If so I did not have one. Not of course that it mattered, because like you, I was only perusing the personal columns because I had nothing better to do. I always had suitors queuing up at the door and had to knock them back with a stick!!!! A person with a SOH makes us feel comfortable, and the entertainment value of that humour can leave us feeling relaxed and our personal problems retreat into the background for the duration of our interaction. Humour is a great builder of relationships. If they could bottle humour and sell it, fortunes would be made! A person‟s SOH seems to indicate much about them. Thomas Carlyle once remarked that „laughter is the cipher key whereby we decipher the whole man‟. It was also once said that „nothing reveals a person‟s character better than the joke that he takes in bad part‟. Conversely, I would also add that it is very revealing as to what jokes people find funny. Humour is indeed a window into the soul. Humour also reflects and undermines the cultural and social order of a group, community or nation, and by 15

so doing exposes its hypocrisies. It is the underbelly of our society and I would guess that most politicians are more afraid of the daily political cartoon in the local paper, than they are of the editorial. Humour can do what a thousand words cannot. „Against the tide of laughter, nothing can withstand,‟ Mark Twain once observed, and truly once people start laughing at a situation or person, the end is nigh. For this reason humour is often not politically correct. What society deems correct is a value judgment not shared by everyone and those who do not share this view, will push against it with humour, not fettered by the political correctness desired. Humour can also be revolutionary. Each joke about tyrants, even if they are told behind a hand or in secret, is a nail in the coffin of these people – even if the end is still someway in the future. So revolutionaries of the world unite; put down your guns and make us laugh at your adversaries. They will be off into exile as soon as the laughter can do its work. Those of my generation will recall the Profumo affair in the UK, which involved call girls, state secrets and Ministers of State. When the Minister concerned hotly denied allegations of affairs, one of the women involved replied, „well he would, wouldn‟t he?‟ How was that for stating the bleeding obvious? From then on the minister‟s bluster was punctured and it was a downward spiral, with the sound of people‟s laughter ringing in his ears all the way to his resignation. Humour is also very useful in getting your point across in any arena. Writing a letter of complaint to a newspaper, company or politician doing just that – complaining – no matter how justified your cause – is 16

often of limited value. Write the same letter using humour and I have found action is far more likely. People will find the criticism far more acceptable when humour is used and the fact that you have made them laugh is a plus. Below is an example of a letter that I wrote to a local newspaper regarding the lack of dog friendly places at a tourist town my husband and I (and dogs) once stayed. Had I written the usual I wish to complain blah! blah! letter, I am sure that it would not have seen the light of day. But by using humour I upped the ante quite considerably and the letters editor even rang me to thank me for writing it. How‟s that??? I even received a number of contacts from readers, agreeing with my opinion. Whether or not the local council changed its by-laws I have no idea; probably not. But at least I had my letter published and got discussion on the issue started. Recently, my kennel mate Bonnie and I decided to take our people on a short vacation to (Name of town). They deserved the break as it has been so hot in Perth and taking care of us is a demanding job. Bonnie and I are two very well bred, but small dogs of the breed Rescue. From what I gather from eavesdropping on our people, our father was called Local Pound and our mother was Canine Refuge. We are also very well-trained in the doggy art of Café sitting, in which we let our people sit outside a café and drink coffee while we are tied up to a table or chair, usually sleeping but on the alert for any tit-bit that might accidently drop on the floor. It is a very common occurrence where we live, and Bonnie and I are experts at this canine activity. 17

Our people told us that we would buy everything there, as the businesses of (Town) deserved to have all the income possible from our visit. This caused a bit of concern as I was worried that my favourite brand of Liver Treats might not be available, and Bonnie was worried about her particular type of pig‟s ears. We were also told that because there were national parks all around, we would have to spend much time on the lead. Well you can‟t have everything and for some reason our people think national parks are not for chasing wildlife around. Takes all sorts I guess. We stayed at a grrrreat place owned by a red heeler and his well-trained people. So imagine our shock, when on going into town we found dogs were not very welcome. Firstly, we tried to find somewhere we dogs could run free for exercise, and found that we had to go miles out of town to somewhere called Peaceful Bay. I do not know what was peaceful about it, as all the way out and back our people grumbled about having to „go all this way, just to exercise dogs‟. Even worse, when we got back into town and wanted to buy a coffee, we dogs were not allowed to sit alfresco with our people. Apparently someone called the Ranger goes barking mad if he finds dogs there. Our people put us in the back of the car but within sight, while they tried to have a coffee. “This is a bit ruff, ruff,” I said to Bonnie. “Not arf, arf,” she replied. So we did our bit where we stand up on our hind legs and look pleadingly through the window, tongues hanging out and tails wagging mournfully. That did the trick and they were back in the car without even ordering a coffee. 18

From then on, our people took a thermos every day. I ask the good people of (name of town) to paws and reflect on the damage done to the local tourist industry by this short-sighted practice. We will not let our people visit again, not that they do not like the area and its people, but because it seems that dogs are not welcome here. All we ask is for somewhere to run free close to town, and to be able to sit alfresco with our owners while they dine. And then we would be happy to visit again. Woof Woof. Bro and Bonnie

Years ago, a work colleague wrote the funniest letter I have ever read as a complaint to an airline, about a recent flight he had taken. I wish I had asked for a copy at the time. With absolute hilarity he described the problems with his trip and did not even request compensation. The airline was so amused with his „complaint‟ that they called him and offered him a free flight to somewhere glamorous. They told him that they had not had such a laugh for years. Had he written the standard complaint letter, I felt sure that all he would have received was the standard blah response and no free trip to a holiday resort. Humour can even help get you what you want. An acquaintance of mine found himself stuck in London after a working holiday, without the fare home. So he sent the following message to just about everyone he knew. 19

SUBSCRIBE TO THE BRING THOMPSON HOME FUND Jim Thompson (pseudonym) wishes to invite you to subscribe to the biggest investment opportunity for years. For the basic investment of just $50, you get to bring Thompson home and also get to have a fullyfledged travel bore, right in your own home. People were amused and his fund was well oversubscribed. Had he asked people to lend him $50, I do not think that the results would have been nearly so productive. Another friend, a freelance journalist, an industry which is notoriously tardy in paying contributors in a timely manner, sent out the following as a newspaper article, complete with picture, to a newspaper which owed him money. The outstanding payment arrived within 24 hours of the receipt of the missive. Whether or not the humour he used was the reason for this result we can never know. However nothing else had worked in over six months of lobbying for payment. Freelance journalist James Athol (pseudonym) will be forced to kill and eat his dog, due to lack of payment for journalistic services from the (name of company), publishers of (name of newspaper). Mr Athol said it had been a hard decision, but starvation had forced him into this desperate measure. „I have tried picketing their offices, abusive phone calls and even stalking their accounts staff,‟ he said, „but nothing works. So tomorrow I am going to put my dog Sparky to sleep and this will give me enough sustenance for a few days.‟ 20

He added that sadly, Sparky too had been in starvation mode for a few weeks, waiting for the payment to come through, so there was not a lot of meat to be had from this quarter. However he had access to some onions and carrots and this should help bulk out the meals. He also has a very tasty recipe for Sweet and Sour Canine, which he is willing to give to any reader in similar circumstances. „Once Sparky has gone, I will then have to move onto Sourpuss, my cat‟ he said, „and then Tweeter the budgie.‟ However he and Sparky are hoping for a stay of execution by the prompt arrival of the sum of $400 by the close of business this week. Humour reflects a society and culture more than almost anything else. It reflects the age, the norms, the concerns of the time, often with startling accuracy. It is often sad to see or hear a comedy or comic that one thought very funny years ago, only to find that humour has moved on and left that genre behind. Is some comedy timeless? I cannot imagine that Dad‟s Army, Yes Minister or Fawlty Towers will ever lose their comic effect. But of late I have noticed that some comedy that I had thought timeless, such as The Goons and Monty Python, have felt more dated than previously. Perhaps it is just familiarity with these shows that makes for some jadedness, or perhaps comedy has taken from these wonderful shows and moved on. According to Rachael Cook in The New Statesman, you can tell a person‟s age by finding out what British comedies that they find funny, although this is a generalisation of course. The baby boomer generation 21

will often live and die by The Goons and Monty Python. The generation after this, love such shows as the Two Ronnies. The following generation might prefer The Fast Show. Each group may equally find the humour of the other groups, somewhat unfathomable. Generalisation or not, her comments do contain some truth. So the $64,000 question is – is any humour timeless? I believe that some is. What do you think? Tragedy is far more universal and what is tragic generally remains much the same over the centuries. Shakespeare‟s tragedies have spoken to people since they were written, but his comedies (for me anyway) are period pieces, and I can find little of humour in them at all. But I guess those same comedies had them rolling in the aisles or pit at the Globe Theatre in the 15th century. Many a clever child has developed humour as a way to cope with bullies – and a very neat way it is too. It is said in the Bible „that a soft answer turneth away wrath‟. Very true, but a humourous response can not only turn away anger, but can have the bully put in his/her place by laughter from the observers. Sure beats a punch up. (But if you are too clever you might have them pick on you, just for the witticisms!). This child may well grow up to have developed that witty turn of phrase that we all wish we had. He or she says at the point of need, what it takes you and me days to think up as a retort. We come away from an instance we feel that we have not been treated with respect, having the humourous retort occur to us hours or days later. Too late!!! 22

Ricky Gervais once said that he considered that humour „is an evolutionary survival mechanism – particularly those who are singled out in any way. Remember your sense of humour and make yourself bullet proof‟. One example of having the right retort at the right time, comes from a newspaper report about Australia‟s (at the time of writing) first female prime Minister, Julia Gillard. Reportedly, Julia was on the campaign trail and was standing near a glamorous election poster of herself. An elderly man came out of a nearby shop; he looked at Julia and back at the poster. „Taken on a good day was it love?‟ he sneered (obviously not a supporter). Julia just looked at him with no emotion. “And you would be Robert Redford would you mate?‟ she replied. Checkmate Julia – and if only I had that natural quick-wittedness. I once observed a similar put-down at a dinner party many years ago. A man (a little the worse for wear due to over-imbibing) was berating a woman about some issue of politics. It was not just a differing of views in a civilized debate, but a haranguing session where the women‟s integrity was being assaulted. She let him go on and finally narrowed her eyes and said „Fred, can you prove to me that you do not know what you are talking about?‟ Fred stopped in his tracks, trying to follow the familiar, yet unfamiliar, group of words and trying to fathom why they sounded jumbled and out of sync. By then the rest of the table were laughing, Fred was demolished and the discussion moved on. Game, set and match to the woman.

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Then there is the story about the great American comic Will Rogers, performing at the London Palladium during the First World War. By then the USA had entered the fray. A woman stood up in the audience during the performance, threw a white feather on to the stage and called out „Why are you not serving in the army?‟ Rogers stood still and said nothing for several minutes, while the whole theatre turned to look the woman, left out like a shag on a rock. After a while Rogers replied, „For the same reason you are not in the Follies Bergère madam– physical deformities‟. The audience exploded and the bullying woman had her comeuppance. WARNING: Humour may be hazardous to your illness. – Ellie Katz According to Dr. Dwenda Gjerdingen, a family physician and professor at the University of Minnesota Medical School in Minneapolis, humour is good for your health.

The positive emotions associated with laughter and humour involves the dopamine system of the brain. The neurological pathways are different, though, depending on whether one‟s laughter and smiling are intentionally generated, or whether they are evoked by humour. During laughter, various muscle groups are activated, but the period after the laugh is characterized by general muscle relaxation, which can last up to 45 minutes. Greater relaxation is seen with true laughter, compared to simulated laughter.‟ She continues: 24

„In one review on humour in medicine, the most promising results with the use of humour is patients‟ response to pain. In studies that evaluated patients‟ pain after their exposure to comedy videotapes, the videos improved pain tolerance and reduced the need for pain medications. Similarly, patients‟ exposure to humourous videos increased salivary IgA levels, a measure of immune function. Humour may also have positive effects on heart disease, diabetes, blood flow, and depressive symptoms.‟ Study after study tells us that humour is good for our physical and mental health, our longevity and in helping us with stressful situations. Can you afford NOT to have humour in your life?

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