Life of a Drug Addict

Life of a Drug Addict Tuesday, 13 May 2003 00:00 Gor

I hardly have any good memories about my summer holidays two years ago. What I can remember is that I was busy taking drugs with my friends for most of the time. I said to myself that I would quit drugs before I went back to school. But when my school re-opened I was still addicted to drugs. I went back to school like the other students but I had changed to be a very different person. Most students came back to school with happy faces, but not me. I became a different person that didn’t care about anything except for drugs. It was like I was walking around in a different skin. I went from an above average student in the top class to a really bad boy. I started to do things I never thought I would do before — like bullying students, and fighting without reason just because someone looked at me the wrong way. I rarely smiled or played sports like I used to. I was always moody and angry with my friends and my teachers. I started to

skip school once or twice a week. No one seemed to care so I was soon absent nearly every day. I started stealing money from my parents and I lied to other people just to get some money for drugs. After my parents found out about me stealing their money and selling their jewellery they got angry with me. I then started to hang out more with my drug addict friends for days and nights without going back home. I even slept by the side of the road and woke up without caring what people would think about me. After a few months, I was tired with everything I was doing and wanted to quit from this kind of life. I wanted to go back to the person I was before. I asked my parents to take me to any drug rehabilitation clinic they knew. They agreed and helped me without getting angry. They supported me to quit drugs. They first took me to a hospital to have therapy but it didn’t work. I came back and took drugs again. Then they took me to a drug rehab programme in another province. But, after only a few days I ran away. They took me to a few more places but each time I came back I became more addicted to Yaa Bah. I also started experimenting with other drugs. My parents helped me lots of times but they finally gave up on me when I started stealing from them again. After that they never trusted or believed anything I said to them again. They said to me that they couldn’t help me if I didn’t help myself. They stopped giving me any money and locked up everything inside the house that could be stolen. They really didn’t trust me even if I asked them for twenty baht to eat. They didn’t give it to me because they thought I was lying to them and wanted the money for drugs. I then ran away from home and went to stay with my friends who lived in the public toilets near the market. My parents didn’t come to look for me or to take me home. I was like a beggar that no one cared about. I had no place to stay and no food to eat. I did lots of bad and crazy things with my friends during those days that I am now really ashamed about. If you are a teenager reading this, please don’t do drugs. It isn’t worth it. If you are a teacher reading this, then I am asking you not to give up on any of your students who are taking drugs. All of my teachers gave up on me and threw me out of school. If it wasn’t for a teacher from my old school I would be dead by now or in prison. I will tell you his story next week and how I finally quit drugs.

Alcohol and media: The situation in the Philippines Joyce P. Valbuena Health Action Information Network, The Philippines Introduction There is little data available on the extent of alcoholism or alcohol abuse in the Philippines. However, while there may be no official statistics available, the consequences of alcoholism are very obvious in the community or inside homes. There are many undocumented cases of alcoholic persons who collapsed in the streets because of drunkenness. Alcoholism is a growing concern in the culture and social life of our country. In the recent years, only few alcohol-related cases have been recorded by the Philippine General Hospital. For instance last year, only six patients were admitted in that state-run hospital. This could be due to the fact that alcoholism is not considered a medical problem by most Filipinos. Most Filipinos with an alcohol problem do not submit to medical treatment even if their condition is chronic. Alcohol rehabilitation centres have low admission rates compared to similar institutions for illicit drug dependency. The PGH alcohol support group centre offers treatment and counselling for its indigent patients. For anonymity, patients from rich families go to private rehabilitation centres. There are also some NGOs which provide similar services and carry out advocacy work. However, more effort is needed in the Philippines in order to address the problems of alcohol abuse. Crime and Violence Greater alcohol availability is associated with greater consumption and a greater

number of problems. A number of cases of sexual and drug abuse, suicide and violence among Filipinos have been caused by habitual drunkenness or alcohol intoxication. The Philippine General Hospital considers patients with blood alcohol levels of 0.05 per cent (50 mg/100 ml) to be medically intoxicated. Alcohol Industry: A Lucrative Business The liquor industry in the Philippines consists of the indigenous and commercially manufactured beverages. The production of beer and other liquors is one of the most profitable industries in the Philippines. In fact, the country's biggest beer company, San Miguel Corporation (SMC), ranked number nine in the Philippine's Top Corporations of 1999 with a total sale of $766 million. SMC sold a total of 327.6 million bottles of beer in 1998. Liquor companies are partly owned by transnational corporations or wealthy Fil-Chinese industrialists whose businesses have been established since the Spanish colonization period in the eighteenth century.Alcoholic drinks are also widely sold at duty free shops. For the many returning overseas Filipino workers, expensive alcoholic drinks, such as Chivas Regal whisky, are good presents for their relatives and friends. However, because of the influx and supremacy of commercial drinks, native drinks have been confined to small-scale production. Common in the rural areas is Lambanog (or coconut wine) which is now being sold in different flavors such as cherry, jack fruit, apple, four seasons, etc. Rice wine is also popular in the northern part of the Philippines where it retails at approximately $3 for a 750 ml bottle. Drinking Filipinos Filipinos' wine consumption increases by 10 per cent each year. In 1995, Filipinos were seen to be the number one wine drinkers in Asia consuming a total of

146,000 bottles of wine that year. Generally, however, beer is the favourite among Filipinos principally because of its affordability compared to hard drinks. In 1998, the Filipinos were reported to have consumed about 1.25 billion litres of beer (equivalent to 3.9 billion of beer bottles). But among youth drinkers, even at $30 cents a bottle, beer is relatively expensive for them. A $40 cents bottle of Tanduay gin, which is stronger or more intoxicating, can fill a few hours of drinking for a small group. Middle and upper class Filipinos, on the other hand, with a much greater disposable income, could spend more money on alcohol, treating themselves to the likes of Johnny Walker and Chivas Regal which cost up to $50. Beers are widely available in grocery and convenience stores, but whisky, wine and other alcoholic drinks are supposedly purchasable only at licensed liquor stores. But this is not always the case. Due to lax monitoring and implementation, hard drinks can also be bought in many regular stores, even by teenagers. Philippine law sets the minimum legal drinking age at 18 but underage drinking is widespread. Most young people get alcohol from home with or without their parents' permission. They know how to obtain alcohol – they are able to get it from friends or they can discreetly buy for themselves. According to the 1997 Family Income and Expenditure Survey, an average Filipino family spends one per cent of its income on alcoholic beverages. However, if for example a minimum wage earner gets $5 a day, and if he develops the habit of drinking at least three bottles of beers every night, that would mean spending $1 a day on beer, which is already 20 per cent of his hard earned money. Alcohol drinking is a big part of the Filipino merry-making activities. Beer is an

essential part of fiestas, birthdays, and parties. Even when there is no special occasion, many Filipinos hang out together in the streets, in front of their houses

Drug Addiction Stories are Important In meeting and working with addiction recovery patients over the years I have found that one of the most important aspects of their recovery is having the opportunity to share their story, their life experience. Drug addiction stories don't often have a happy ending but what ever the ending sharing them is helpful.

A few drug and alcohol addiction stories Here are a couple of addiction stories that describe the process of recovery. We’re hoping that you will share your stories with us as well so that others can learn from your experiences. Many people tell us that it helps them to read others drug addition stories because they understand what they've gone through a little better. Many times therapy sessions are simply a place where people come and share their drug addiction stories. You may find that sharing your drug addiction story anonymously is the first step toward dealing with addiction. On Her Way To Opiate Withdrawal Darcy's Drug Addiction Story Darcy’s father stood over her hospital bed, head bowed in silent prayer, asking God to help his 15 year-old daughter through withdrawal from her heroin addiction. He’s a good dad, loves his girl and can’t understand how such a young person, his child, could get into such deep trouble. Heroin addicts aren’t high school students, they’re people who live on the streets and beg for change. Heroin addicts don’t have a 3.75 grade point average and apply for acceptance into the top colleges. Well adjusted

teenage girls don’t attack their father with a golf club and curse him. How did it get so messed up? Darcy had been using for nearly 18 months, not always regularly, but in recent weeks her appetite for heroin increased and dad discovered that his coin collection and jewelry were gone. Her allowance was generous, even by upper middle class standards, but once the addiction took over, it was insufficient to buy her the desired amount of the drug. She stole from her father, from her mother whom she lived with on alternative weekends, and from her older brothers and sisters. Some of her grandmother’s possessions were missing, but she didn’t put two and two together and never suspected her granddaughter had ripped her off. As she increased her usage, Darcy discovered that not having enough drug was far worse than having the problem of addiction. Coming off heroin was difficult. Her body had become dependent upon the replenishment of the drug, as the heroin would attach itself to Opioid receptors in her brain and spinal chord. Her body no longer produced its own natural chemicals to manage pain, so not having the heroin caused her to become “dope sick.” When the drug was not replenished, she went into withdrawal. She never experienced this before, because the withdrawal didn’t occur with occasional use, but after time, as she used more and more drug, and needed more and more drug, the abrupt removal of heroin was devastating. How Drug Addiction Stories Start She didn’t start out that way. When she was in eighth grade she and her friends were given marijuana to try. Most of the kids didn’t like it, because it either tasted terrible or they didn’t like the feeling they got when the effects kicked in. But it agreed with Darcy, who also began to raid the family liquor cabinet when she couldn’t buy grass. One day, when she was just past her 14th birthday, she discovered some pain killers in her mother’s medicine cabinet. Her mom had a back surgeryand was prescribed OxyContin, but only took a couple of them, leaving a nearly full prescription in the bathroom. Even 14 year-old people can research on the internet and soon she learned that by grinding the drug and snorting it, the high was intense.

Thechances for addiction were also intense and it didn’t take long before Darcy was seeking that euphoric experience over and over. It was the only time she felt good. She solicited her friends to steal drugs from their parents. Any kind of pain killer would do, but Vicodin and Oxy were preferred, and because they are prescribed so often, getting a supply wasn’t all that difficult. She also became rather cleaver, as each time she visited the house of a new “friend” she would secretly check out the medicine cabinets. Drug Addiction Stories move to Heroin Darcy soon realized that OxyContin was expensive, but heroin on the street was about a quarter the price, so see looked for suppliers. She didn’t have to search long. Quitting heroin cold turkey is isn’t easy. Treatment centers will help addicts through the process often times by prescribing drugs like buprenorphine, which is FDA-approved for medical detox. Subutex or Suboxone are other drugs with smaller amounts of buprenorphine, and those are used to help the addict gradually descrease their physical dependence. Clonidine is another drug used to treat the symptoms of withdrawal and may be prescribed rather than the buprenorphine. Methadone treatment is also common, but these are specific centers that use the drug, and the dosage of methadone is gradually reduced over time to help the addict’s body adjust. Unlike the other drugs, methadone treatment may be longterm. The fact that a young girl can become addicted to opiates should not be a surprise. Take a look at the population in general. It is estimated that as many as 10% of Americans have at one time or another abused opiates. It could be as innocent an act as merely taking one too many pills, or taking your pills too often, but that is still abuse. Even when people follow their doctor’s prescription to the tee, their bodies can build up a tolerance to the drugs. Even when the original injury is healed and there should not no further need for pain management, the body still thinks it needs the analgesic. Even people who were given pain meds in the hospital may experience withdrawal when they get home.

Darcy’s father had read someplace that some withdrawal treatment programs offered faster results. Rapid opiate detox involves putting the patient under anesthesia and injecting opiate-blocking drugs. The idea is that this treatment will speed the system to normal function, but there are cases in which the treatment actually made the withdrawal symptoms worse, or even caused deaths when the treatment was administered outside a hospital setting. Darcy was hospitalized due to intense withdrawal and was receiving the best care. It was decided that she would not go under, mainly because opiate withdrawal causes vomiting, and that would increase the chances of death. Any rapid detox was ruled out in her case. Her father stood there, feeling completely helpless. A nurse suggested he contact Narcotics Anonymous, or SMART Recovery, in an effort to learn how he can best help his daughter. Moving forward, once she was released, and out of treatment, a support group would be a lifeline to help her rebuild her life and return to a healthy lifestyle. Some material from NA helped him understand that opiate withdrawal is painful, but not necessarily fatal. While Darcy was receiving exceptional care, the biggest problem that she would face in the future, as her father learned, was relapse. Once the drug was out of her system, a return to the old dosage could be fatal. Over time her body built up a tolerance, so more and more drug was needed, but after detox and treatment, her body was getting back to normal. The old amount was way too much and most overdoes occur right after treatment. She was going to need long-term treatment, so the group would be an important component to that. She would also need some additional medical testing, to check for depression or some other form ofmental illness. Darcy may need the benefit of an antidepressant This has a happy ending Sadly, Many Drug Addiction Stories Don't Darcy was lucky. Treatment is more effective when the heroin addiction is identified early and having a father who was willing to be taught how to help his daughter was a plus. Darcy recovered from her addiction and is now getting back to her life as it should have. She is living proof that

addiction recovery is possible! More Drug Addiction Stories

Easy, Cheap and Deadly By all accounts, “Josh” was the ideal teenaged son. He was an athlete, got good grades and the kids at school all liked him. But it wasn’t enough. His mother and father never saw the problem coming, and being solid, middle class, suburban professionals, knew that they were the right kind of parents that would never allow their child to get into that sort of trouble. What his parents didn’t see coming, was the third most-abused drug in their Midwestern town, methamphetamine...Easy, Cheap and Deadly

Mugged This is a poem written by a recovering addict/alcoholic for others trying to recover...Drug Addiction Poems: Mugged

Easy Access “Kevin” was a registered nurse and participating in a short-term outpatient recovery program. Unlike many people who come into rehab, Kevin knew he had ... Click here to read more... Not a Great Night to be an Atheist Josh Hamilton had a dream that he would be in Yankee Stadium in a Home Run Derby contest. The 27 year-old slugger from the Texas Rangers had his dream come true July 14, and he put on the greatest display of power and consistency in the history of the event. It wasn’t long ago that Hamilton wasn’t a professional baseball player at all. He was a cocaine and heroin addict. Click drug addiction articles here...

Popping Pills “Judy” was participating in a long-term residential drug treatment program, and was three months into a six-month scheduled stay. He had sustained an injury ... Click here to read more...

The most unworthy of these The nurses were all talking about the two brothers. It’s was at the daily morning meeting, when the interdisciplinary team gathered to discuss the status of each patient in the hospital. The nurses were exchanging notes on each patient and when the two brothers came up for review, the entire mood of the meeting changed. Click here to read more... Who knew this would happen? This is a story about a beautiful, bright and intelligent girl. She was the best player on her eighth grade basketball team and she appeared to have all of the requisite talent to excel in high school and perhaps earn an athletic scholarship. But she never went out for the high school team. “Too much time commitment” was her reasoning and she never played again...Click here to read more...

God bless the “bad guy” When it comes to delivering a message, or taking even the most appropriate and necessary action, nobody really likes to be the “bad guy.” In the case of addiction, the “bad guy” is the one who takes action and intercedes on behalf of a friend or loved one. God bless the “bad guy,” who sees a problem, tries to help, and in so many cases may wind up saving a life... Click here to read more... Accidental, but not uncommon Actor Brad Renfro’s fatal overdose is a sad reminder that heroin use can lead to devastating consequences. It’s an even sadder reminder that no matter how much money and resources are pumped into drug education programs, the message still doesn’t get out. It’s not like this is a new phenomenon. Click here to read more...

Busted and Going Downward It was one of those sad stories that made no sense to me at the time. I was a young man, serving in the Navy overseas at the Naval Communications Station-Philippines. As the story goes, he got involved with a Filipino girl and failed to show up for duty for several days... Drug Addiction Stories Drug Addiction Stories Addiction Stories Drug Addiction Stories Drug Addiction Stories Drug Addiction Stories Drug Addiction Stories Drug Addiction Stories Drug Addiction Stories Click here to read more...

Drug Addiction Stories Drug Addiction Stories Drug Addiction Stories Drug Addiction Stories Drug

When the high and mighty fall, the road to recovery begins with a public apology. If there is any redeeming factor that [tag]Mel Gibson[/tag] has given to the world is the media coverage of [tag] alcoholism[/tag] devastating consequences. In the Philippines, drunken men or women are a common sight in parties, fiestas or celebrations. Oooh, you can see them falling to the floor, slurring their words or being just an annoying loud mouth. The party drunk, the life of the party, right? The San Miguel Beer says it all. The multi-million ad portrays a festive atmosphere where beer overflows and sexy ladies sashay their bodies or flaunt their beauty. Such an ad conditions the mind of our

vulnerable young kids to associate beer with lovely women and lure them to a life of fun-filled parties. The effects of alcoholism are easily shown in the sensational section of the local TV news. How often do you see wives beaten up by their husbands? Or children being sexually abused by their biological fathers? What about that actor caught for drunk driving? Though I don’t have the statistics right now, I bet there are cases of drunk -related accidents or physical abuse. Countless families are ruined and being ruined by alcoholism. Family members walk in eggshells as they pass by the pink elephant snoring in their living room. Not many know that alcoholics are just in the same level as drug addicts. It’s even harder for alcoholics to abstain from their addiction because alcohol is available everywhere. San Miguel beer ads often show a party atmosphere and that a party is incomplete without beer. Oh well, how else can they advertise right? Still they shouldn’t show bottles of beer on the table. Drinking alcohol is so much a part of our Filipino culture. In fact , it is “macho” if one can gulp a number of beer bottles. There is the issue that one is not an alcoholic just because the person is not rolling in the road or that he doesn’t drink everyday anyway. Does the person even know he is an alcoholic? It was Alcoholics Anonymous who was instrumental in again emphasizing the “disease concept” of alcoholism, the defining work was done by Elvin Jellinek, M.D., of the Yale Center of Alcohol Studies. In his book, The Disease Concept of Alcoholism, published in 1960, Jellinek described alcoholics as individuals with tolerance, withdrawal symptoms, and either “loss of control” or “inability to abstain” from alcohol. He asserted that these individuals could not drink in moderation, and, with continued drinking, the disease was progressive and life-threatening. Jellinek also recognized that some features of the disease (e.g., inability to abstain and loss of control) were shaped by cultural factors- source

I wasn’t aware that alcoholism is a “disease” until my friend confided that her husband was confined in a rehab center in Tagaytay two years ago. (I asked permission to quote her and changed some circumstances to protect their privacy. ) I thought only drug addicts get rehabiliated. “Alcohol is a drug. Alcoholism is an illness, which is successfully treatable with a wide variety of interventions. It stems from a genetically mediated biological predisposition, and for those who are hardwired with the potential for alcoholism, drinking can prove to be a chronic, debilitating enemy. My husband wasn’t a social drinker. His drinking bouts got to the point that he incurred so many absences from work . I felt he would lose his job anytime if he didn’t shape up. I didn’t want to wait till he had nothing left so I had him confined at Makati Medical Center upon the advice of a psychiatrist-friend. He experienced withdrawal symptons like any drug addict like “hand tremors and rage”. But don’t you know my husband was the only alcoholic among the inpatients? Even the Alcoholics Anonymous Philippines have very few alcoholics. In fact, most of its members are drug addicts. That does not deter him from attending weekly AA meetings for the past 2 years now. I am aware that he can relapse anytime. The level of awareness that alcoholism can be treated is still not as widespread as drug addiction rehabilitation. Rehab cost is not cheap. One can spend up to 140,000 thousand pesos ($2800) for a 60 day program. But his life was at stake if he didn’t try to recover, right? So it was worth the expense. I am just taking it one day at a time. I too have my own recovery program because alcoholism is a family disease. Even if I am not an alcoholic, I imbibed some of his irritating habits. I am recovering. He is on the road to recovery thanks to AA meetings. As we continued chatting, I immediately surfed and discovered that there is no [tag]Alcoholics Anonymous[/tag] (AA) Philippines website nor contact numbers

on how to reach this group. But they are found in the PLDT telephone book. Look for “Alcoholics Anonymous”. , my friend added. A lot of alcoholics around the world have been saved by the AA program since 1935 but how many alcoholics in the Philippines even know that the group is active? My friend continued Word of mouth I guess. Psychiatrists even recommend it. My husband also attended an AA meeting in Boracay during our last summer vacation. Alcoholics in the Philippines, there you have it. You can recover if you want to. AA is free so try that first.

In meeting and working with alcoholism recovery patients over the years I have found that one of the most important aspects of their recovery is having the opportunity to share their story, their life experience.Alcoholism stories don't often have a happy endings but what ever the ending sharing them is helpful. A former teacher of mine is a psychotherapist, who always talked to us about getting to the "essence of self" when helping people tell those all important alcoholism stories. It is the essence of self that drives the person's perceptions and creates meaning in life. Your alcoholism stories are important. You are not alone and maybe there is someone who will benefit from you sharing your experience. We encourage you to gather your thoughts and share them with us.

A few alcoholism stories Here are a couple of alcoholism stories that describe the process of recovery. We’re hoping that you will share your stories with us as well so that others can learn from your experiences. Many people tell us that it helps them to read others addition stories because they understand what they've gone through a little better. Many times therapy sessions are simply a place where people come and share their alcoholism stories. Don't miss this story of Cocaine, Alcohol and Suicide: Vicious One-Two Punch! V

Graduation Day? The group session on spirituality was just wrapping up when one of the staffers opened the door and asked “Are you almost finished?” For Janice, one of four women in the group, it was time to go home. She had finished a five-day stay at the residential drug and alcohol treatment center, and this day, as she put it, was “graduation day.” It was a strange, almost surreal moment. After a stay in the hospital or treatment center, it should be good to go home and be with your. People, given they are medically stable and out of danger, heel better at home. Going home should be a good move. But was it? Out in the lobby, her husband and pre-teen son waited. Now if my wife had been in treatment and was getting to go back home, I’d be excited. A big part of my life would have been missing, but in his case, the expression on his face told the whole story. Words can’t express the look. “OK, it’s time to take the addict home.” The son sat in a chair, head down, and when his mother came out, he didn’t seem at all enthusiastic about seeing her. In a moment, the family situation became very clear. Alcoholism tears up families, as those watching their loved one struggle with the disease will bear the emotional scars long after the alcoholism is under control. What might have been concern for the addict at one point in time sadly can turn to anger and resentment. It’s a kind of “Look what you’ve done to us” mentality and nobody has to say anything. You can

read it immediately. The family goes down the alcoholism path too, playing their roles. Organizations like Nar-Anon and Al-Anon/Alateen are there just for families. Just as the 12-Steps were created by addicts for addicts, those principles were the basis for family groups. And just like the addict, the family member is not alone. There is help and support. Janice gathered up her things. There was a short re-uniting in the lobby as she signed out. The moment was not joyous, no kisses, no “I love you” and it was like the husband was picking her up from work. His look told the whole story. She was leaving the structure and security of the treatment center and going back into the environment she was in while using. “Graduation Day” should be celebratory, but something was missing. In treatment, Janice received compassion and understanding from the other patients. In group it is obvious that they all can relate to each other. There is human connection on a surprisingly deep level, even though the people in treatment may only see each other for a few days. That was going to be missing. Perhaps she had resources lined up and could call on them at a moment’s notice. My sense was she did not.Graduation day didn’t look so good. Family Matters Alcoholism treatment requires changes for the entire family this story describes that: Click here to read more... One Oreo is never enough! Read this story of how alcohol addiction starts and why one Oreo is never enough... Alcohol Addiction click here But Officer I slept it of? How long does it take for alcohol to leave your system, read here to find out... Click here to read more... Alcoholism no big deal? Denial of alcoholism is one of the most dangerous and common symptoms of alcoholism: Click here to read more... Easy Access

“Kevin” was a registered nurse and participating in a short-term outpatient recovery program. Unlike many people who come into rehab, Kevin knew he had ... Click here to read more... Popping Pills “Judy” was participating in a long-term residential drug treatment program, and was three months into a six-month scheduled stay. He had sustained an injury ... Click here to read more...

The most unworthy of these The nurses were all talking about the two brothers. It’s was at the daily morning meeting, when the interdisciplinary team gathered to discuss the status of each patient in the hospital. The nurses were exchanging notes on each patient and when the two brothers came up for review, the entire mood of the meeting changed... Click here to read more... Who knew this would happen? This is a story about a beautiful, bright and intelligent girl. She was the best player on her eighth grade basketball team and she appeared to have all of the requisite talent to excel in high school and perhaps earn an athletic scholarship. But she never went out for the high school team. “Too much time commitment” was her reasoning and she never played again... Click here to read more...

God bless the “bad guy” When it comes to delivering a message, or taking even the most appropriate and necessary action, nobody really likes to be the “bad guy.” In the case of alcoholism, the “bad guy” is the one who takes action and intercedes on behalf of a friend or loved one. God bless the “bad guy,” who sees a problem, tries to help, and in so many cases may wind up saving a life... Click here to read more... Accidental, but not uncommon

Actor Brad Renfro’s fatal overdose is a sad reminder that heroin use can lead to devastating consequences. It’s an even sadder reminder that no matter how much money and resources are pumped into drug education programs, the message still doesn’t get out. It’s not like this is a new phenomenon. Click here to read more... Alcoholism Stories: Busted and Going Downward It was one of those sad stories that made no sense to me at the time. I was a young man, serving in the Navy overseas at the Naval Communications Station-Philippines. As the story goes, he got involved with a Filipino girl and failed to show up for duty for several days... Click here to read more...

Happiness is a choice.. and its a gift… It takes courage to be joyful… despite negative things happening around us… Any coward can fear.. whine, cry, and crab Jesus showed us how….”No Matter What” we can love and be at peace… He forgave the men torturing him.. and understood that they had a

limited perspective… He chose to love, and earnestly seek God, rather than revenge as he was dying, he looked at the man hanging to his left and encouraged him… Dry drunks can learn from Him and see that, peace and happiness are theirs if they would first try to love… Its sad how dry drunks forget to love and they often hurt others self esteem.. especially children… Im not alcoholic but I had bad anxiety .. and an eating disorder…for me , I became “cured” by reconditioning my nervosue system to be calm , peaceful and joyful… by seeing the solution in my minds eye , the good stuff … and to learn the power of being in the moment , and be truly grateful, to love myself , others.. God … These thoughts have a big reward… Soon my heart seems to fill with joy.. so much , at times , I cry tears of joy…. Then I know God, or The Creator , The Truth , The Source , has plenty of love just waiting … Waiting for me to tune in and feel it. Sobriety allows this “Tuning In” to happen But I think “dry drunks ” forget they also have a right to joy… as love… but first, they have to stop focusing on themselves. and look around and love God by loving others and being grateful.. Most of us have so much….

bonnie at This is true, I have never smoked a cigarette or done any drugs, except for health reasons. I’m 70 yrs old. My sister was the same until several months ago. She is 65, and went through a heartbreaking time with her husband’s alzheimers. He now is in a nursing home. She took up with a man and has admitted to smoking pot with him. She has stopped calling

her friends and family including her children and grandchildren. Just out of the blue. She has lost total interest in her business and it’s going down hill. Her son is running it, and feels she has abandon him. In the past she was in her childrens lives to the point of talking to them everyday, several times a day. Now you feel that you’re interupting her. If she does call anyone, its only when this man is out. Her life changed so radically, we wonder if she is addicted to pot. Could that be?

Abby at I do have a brother who’s been a drug addict for 5 years. He used to be so stubburn and hard to get along to. He hurt people who’s on his way or disturbing him. We wanted before to take him to rehabilation center but as times gone by, his attitute changed. And he became calmer thatn before. He told us he stopped with what he’s addicted to. It’s been ten years now since then. And he’s fine like never been before. We are all glad he did the right thing to stop.

Ibm service center at None of it is good for you. Alcohol is alcohol. For a diabetic (or anyone else, for that matter). Alcohol is metabolized in the same manner as fat, and is very bad for diabetics.

Luke at Hello Everyone, Its great to be alive and sober. I am today, a completely transformed individual. I experienced 25 years of active addiction and 10 years of very active sobriety. My story is very long, I actually wrote a book, so I cant tell it all but I will say this much; The very first drug I used was marijuana then LSD, and from there I used whatever was available. I didnt start drinking until my late 20′s and predictably so, I became an alcoholic. Again, I’m not gonna go into all the insanity I encountered like the time I

was almost arrested on the Homestead Airforce Base with an ounce of pot; (God had other plans for me), but I have to say this much. I am liberated today from the regrets of all the things I could have done or the person I might have become had I not made those choices to drink and drug..I am liberated because I realize that every joint, every pill, every line, and every drink was a necessary thing in my journey simply because it had led me to the awareness that I have today. I have an awareness of God and an intimate, yes an intimate relationship with Him and this only happened because when I emerged from the coffin that almost encased me I found God’s loving arms waiting. Today, I lead an addictions ministry and Im a student in the field of addiction. My passion is to help the addict who is still struggling with this hideous illness. I also had a brush with the occult so I am very aware of how all that happens in relation to addiction. Jesus is my savior and very best friend. I attend AA meetings too. I give presentations on addiction and Im loving life. Thank you God! The message is simple….recovery is real, recovery is possible and a life unimaginable awaits any addict if he / she has had enough. You dont have to hit rock bottom. Godspeed to all…..Luke

JanMugot at Hello everyone, Stopping your addiction is really very hard especially if you don’t know how to do it. I do know of a friend who had been addicted to alcohol and I have to say that it really had been hard on her. She would say she’s not addicted to alcohol and that she only drinks to ease away the pain from the problems she is facing. But I know she had been a slave of alcohol. She drinks more than any decent man would drink occasionally and to top it all she had been skipping classes just to be with her friends and drink. I don’t know what to do with her. She is a dear friend and I just want to help her stop. She knows I don’t like her drinking so much but she just won’t listen to my advice. Sometimes I become so desperate and berates her. I just pray that one day, she would come to her senses and stop drinking.

keya beth at hey my name is keya and im 12 years old.ive had a clean good fun life as far as i have been but things have changed.i got in a group of friend i didnt need to.didnt know much about God then. well when i wanted to be cool i was being stupuid and brought alcohol to school and showed friends which told other people and then it happend..a cop showed up to my school and i was shacky from the drinking.my mom was ashamed.but no body gave up on me.i was told i still had hope.and the lord helped me get through it.now i go to church and i praise him more,i got saved ad babtised! im happy now.everybody prayed.I prayed. now my life is right. I found out that you still have hope! and i have complete happyness even though there will come times whe im offered more.after every thing ive been through.im smart anough to say “no”.Thnak you lord for helping me!

RamonaKing at I attend Al-anon meetings and they do help. I however am having a difficult time with the “dry drunk” He was my boyfriend and that did not go well because I kept taking the blame etc. I have attended intensive emotional therapy for anxiety-depression. The mental anguish is there at unexpected times. The problem now is that he just seems to be a “dry drunk” and while I still love hime he seems to be even more self centered than before.I would like articles to read on this and perhaps someone elses expperience with this. Thank you

karen at iam in my third week coming off of pain pills i must admitt it has gotten better in sum ways but still have no energy im batteling with the notion that i just want to feel better. ive come so far the worst is over i know i also know people are praying for me this morning i felt that like i never have before. i have three kids and a very good husband who wants me

back . ive wasted to many years with pills. i tell myself daily the time i have lost the cost of being addicted. it dosnt just cost u it cost everyone who loves u. im hanging in there moment by moment at this point. please pray for me.

Thomas Retterbush at Most people are too proud to list their shortcomings, faults and weaknesses for the whole world to see, but I am not most people. Most people would be much to ashamed and humiliated to fess-up to all the horrible, stupid, selfish things they have done, but I don’t care what anybody thinks of me. All that matters is what I think about myself. We all have our skeletons. I am no different than anybody else. That being said, I am living, breathing walking proof that anyone can get back up after hitting rock bottom. My new life is proof positive that anyone can recover from addiction and depression. As hopelessly lost as I was, I am a demonstration that anybody can change for the better. I have faith in you. So I bring hope to all you who are still suffering. This is my story… I was born in 1961 on an American Air Force Base in Germany. My father was a United States Air Force fighter pilot, my mother a German national, so I was raised and spent much of my life in the small village my mother was from in Germany, near the Belgium and Dutch borders. And although our family moved around a lot, being stationed back and forth between American Air Force bases, we always ended up back in Germany. Having witnessed first my Great grandmother, then my Grandmother, both get old only to suffer a stroke, whither away and die, I decided I wasn’t going to get old and go out like that. I was going to live fast and die

young. It’s no wonder that, during my youth, Jim Morrison of the Door was my idol. It was while attending an American Air Force Base High School in Germany that I first came in contact with drugs. At first it was only marijuana and hashish, but soon progressed to occasional LSD, amphetamines and prescription medications. At age 21, in 1982, I joined the military. After 15 months of service I had enough of military life and was honorably discharged upon my request. I started going through life like a chicken with it’s head cut off, trying to find myself as a want-to-be hippie on America’s tropical beaches of Florida. But I soon tired of paradise as well, and moved back to Germany again. It was there that I came to discover heroin in the late 1980s. Trying to support my habit, I started selling all kinds of drugs, from hashish, to methamphetamines, to cocaine to heroin, I was selling and using them all. It was during this time of madness that I met and married a German woman as crazy as me, becoming a father to a beautiful daughter soon thereafter. Wanting and needing a change, I decided to make a break from it all and my wife and I moved to Cincinnati, Ohio, leaving our daughter with my sister-in-law. It was not long before our marriage turned sour, and although my wife and I stayed friends, we were soon living our separate lives. Living alone in Cincinnati, I had a brief period where I was able to stay away from the hard drugs, only using and selling marijuana while driving a cab. But when I lost my taxi permit due to an accident and lack of insurance, I relapsed with flying colors, soon becoming more addicted to hard drugs than ever before.

Before I knew what was happening I was hopelessly hooked on heroin, cocaine and crack cocaine. At first, I was able to function to some extent, even managing the San Antonio office of a well-known, national veterans organization, joining a martial arts club, even dating. But living the life of an addict, my life spiraled out of control and I became the very person I despised; a lazy, irresponsible, junky, thief, fraud, liar, felon and con. I was in and out of jails, spending 8 months in an Ohio prison, only to be released to do another 11 months in a prison in Texas. I ended up homeless and begging for money. There came the day I could go on no longer. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had had enough. I was determined to make a change. And it was this determination that has been the deciding factor to my recovery and my New Life. From one day to the next, I moved in with a non-using acquaintance I had just met. It was a small dump of a room in a shabby neighborhood, but it was across town from my so-called dope-using buddies. The key was that I didn’t know anybody around there that had anything to do with drugs. And I wasn’t looking… so I wasn’t using… It was during this first clean time that I found out I had clinical depression. In fact, it was later determined that I am manic-depressive, that is, bipolar. For the first time in my life I actually reached out to someone. I went to the Center for Health Care Services in San Antonio, Texas and told the admissions worker I needed help. This government sponsored clinic helped change my life. They helped me with housing and financial assistance, providing counseling and referrals. They put me up in an apartment and helped me apply for federal assistance.

Today I am living a stable, legal and drug-free life! I have had complete mental, physical and dental checkups. I take only medications prescribed to me for anxiety, depression and high-cholesterol. I am in the process of getting my teeth (or lack thereof) fixed. I have regained the will to live, purpose and self-esteem. I now have a really nice, really big pad. I get a small pension and I have a humble, home-base, online business. I belong to a martial arts club, work out, practice archery and play golf. I would like to someday do some extreme sports like parasailing, parashuting, waterskiing, etc., but for right now I have too little time or money to practice these. I have promised myself that I will someday. Someday soon. I am founder and president of the San Antonio, Texas based nonprofit Disabled Veterans Association. I am in the process of launching an (this) addiction recovery Website, and hopefully will be able to launch another site helping those afflicted with anxiety and depression soon as well. I am networking in hopes of starting archery, golf and survival clubs, as well as a computer recycling center, but much of all this grandeur is my manic side thinking, talking and writing for me. However, I will follow all of these hopes, plans and dreams as best I can… one day at a time. For now, because of my experiences, and information and knowledge I gained because of these experiences, I am committed to helping those who are still suffering from any kind of addiction and/or mental illness. And because of my experiences as a veteran and watching the struggles of other veterans, I am committed to helping veterans in need of assistance, support, counseling and referrals in any way, shape or form I can. All in all, to make a short story long, I have a new lease on life. And a new life, period. And I appreciate it to the point of living each day to the fullest, come whatever may. Oh, I still have my cycles of anxiety and depression. Even with medication these are unavoidable. However, today

I know that these will pass and that the day will come when I feel better. That the day will come when life is good, exciting, even fun. That day is worth waiting for. Life is good! Enjoy it!!! Thomas Retterbush´s last [type] ..Is Food Addiction the Real Reason Youre Fat or cant Loose Weight

Amanda at My 20 year old cousin has been living with my aunt (also her aunt – my aunt has no children) for the last 16 months. Before that, she reached a crisis of being homeless in a car during the winter, so my aunt felt that she had to let her in. My cousin was adopted by an uncle and his wife as an infant. They were too old to adopt, both but particularly the wife were alcoholics, and my cousin grew up in a chaotic, neglectful home. She started smoking pot at the age of 12 (provided by her mother’s teen-age ‘godson’) and, after her parents’ divorce, ended up in and out of expensive residential facilities for her behavior problems, where she developed dependence on even more potent drugs. I am 41 years old, happily married with three children living about 2 hours away from my aunt (she is in Manhattan). I love my aunt dearly and I am frightened that something very bad will happen to her. She is 69 years old and is extremely naive about the situation she is in. She has been trying to get my cousin to attend the GED program or get a job since she moved in, but all she does is sleep all day, exhibit flu-like symptoms, and then disappear for days at a time with her ‘friends’. She has a revolving door of ‘girlfriends’ staying with her, as well as random male friends who crash on my aunt’s couch, she has taken in two cats without my aunt’s permission, and she basically just eats my aunt’s food, allows her friends to do the same and to mess up her apartment, and she mooches money. Any time my aunt tries to really challenge her, she threatens to kill herself and even opens a window or the door to the balcony to prove her point.

My last conversation with my aunt about setting meaningful boundaries with consequences (the one consequence being ‘get out’) ended in her hanging up on me. She refuses to face that this person is a heroin addict with lots of ‘friends’ dying in car crashes or ODing or being arrested. (I know she is a heroin addict because she takes Suboxone without a prescription). My aunt does not have children of her own, so she is not equipped to parent this toughest case. What can I do in this situation? I am out of my mind with worry and powerless to do anything about it.

Amanda at I forgot to mention that my cousin’s parents are now deceased. Her father died of cancer and her mother died of alcohol-abuse and heavy smokingrelated illnesses. The cousin also smokes, of course.

meghin at i wasnt even depressed or sad when i . but like it has been mentioned before, the drug tricks ur mind and it takes ur normal happiness and multiplys it by the thousands. afterwards, i never wanted to do nething without doing a pill first, which then turned into many pills as my tolerance went up. now im just depressed because all of the time and money i have wasted on something that is so stupid. its nothing but a mind trick. im now trying to trick my mind back into thinking that i dont need it and that i am happy without it. which is the most difficult and terrible task that i have ever tried to accomplish. these things that used to make me so happy have taken every haPPY thing in my life that i ever had. i hate myself for it everday.

Blanca at

My name is Blanca and I am a recovering alcoholic this is my story of recovery through the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Was I born an alcoholic? This question I am often asked when sharing my story, there may be a debate about whether alcoholism is a disease or a disorder in the medical science field. Whichever the case may be, I know that I had a predisposition for alcoholism because of my genetics and because of my inability to control my consumption once taking that first drink. I was born in San Francisco, CA . My mother was an immigrant from El Salvador and my biological father remains unknown. At the time of my birth my mother was married to a pedophile who sexually abused me and my two older sisters. The affects of that molestation remain in my obsessive-compulsive behaviors. Due to these incestuous episodes I developed a mood disorder of Dysthymia a chronic depression, which three quarters of patients have another psychiatric disorder such as one of anxiety, drug addiction or alcoholism. This disorder may have been one of the ways I was able to survive. A lot of us who have had such trauma early in childhood don’t make it to adulthood. Growing up in an alcoholic home made me anxious constantly, always having feelings of impending doom, fear permeated my every thought, striving to be perfect for love and affection, seeking approval continuously created an insatiable desire to please people. Because of my sexual abuse wound I attracted untreated child molesters and perverts. When I wasn’t being abused, I would abuse myself. How to best describe my daily state of mind for most of my childhood would be to say, I was not comfortable in my own skin. I felt sad, quiet, loneliness due to the isolation and there were very few times did I ever get respite from the chronic pain. The chronic depression was an outward expression of my inner reality. I would unconsciously find ways to get out of feeling the feelings of emotional pain of my abuse, the betrayal of trust from persons who had authority over me and the self hatred that came as a result of my shame. When I drank alcohol all those demons inside my mind went away. Although alcohol was damaging it became the source of my relief. The relief was instant and I would black out at times which brought on more shame the next day not remembering what I had done. I would have

long periods of not drinking then have binges that brought physical, emotional and mental upheaval. My family would tell me the next day what I had done, while I was recovering from a bad hangover. I thought they were trying to make me crazy because I could not remember what had happen or worse yet I could not remember what I had done. At the age of eighteen I married my first husband in El Salvador, influenced more from the desire to get out of the house then out of love. We had a daughter within our first year of marriage. I was divorced by age twenty three. I came back to San Francisco hoping to find a better life for myself and my daughter. During this time I learned how to drive, which made me dangerous when I drank. There were a few times I drove in a blackout. There for the grace of God, I did not kill myself or another. Some of my brothers and sisters in recovery have had to face courageously the taking of a life under the influence. The horror of the next day was painful, trying to piece together what happened. It was scary waking up and not knowing how I got here. One time, I drove in a blackout to my boyfriend’s house. He told me later that when he opened the door I collapsed. The last thing of that night before awakening (in recovery we call it coming to) was the hostess at the wedding popping open the champagne bottle. Now at the age of thirty, I desperately wanted to be married and have more children. I believe this was one of my ways of deflecting the truth about me. Running away, getting married, having babies were only ploys of my twisted thinking to get out of facing the truth and taking responsibility for my life. My behavior and decisions were inconsistent with reality and truth about myself and my condition. I did not realize how emotionally sick I was from the affects of alcohol and of my childhood abuse. I kept adding wreckage in the wake of my departures. The men I dated didn’t want to commit to an unstable person and no one wanted an out of control drunk. My untreated alcoholism kept me in the company of unhealthy people. My cries for help were wrapped up in self pity and self loathing, berating myself internally, constantly and without mercy. I was perpetuating the abuse to myself with alcohol, sex and anger to escape from the mental torments.

In 1978 there were many disappointments that turned my hopes for a better life to an obsession. Trying to find some self respect and dignity there was an imaginary electric wire hanging from me trying that I wanted to plug into someone I could marry. I was also trying to end a five year relationship that was going nowhere to an older man. In the psychologist world it would be said, “She’s looking for the father”. What I did not know my emptiness was a need for God. I met my second husband at work, I was thinking life is passing by me; it is now or maybe never. My husband had old fashion ways which was uncommon in California and he was eight years older than me. I felt he could be my security. He was at the time separated from his first wife, within six months of meeting I got pregnant. An alcoholic of my type manipulates, behaves dishonestly and is unaware the harm his or her behavior causes another person due to our self-centeredness. I was not the cause of my husband’s separation but by becoming pregnant this insured he would not reconcile with his first wife. This is the disease of alcoholism, the roots of addiction and the unconscious acting out of selfish and obsessive motives. This was my bondage. We moved out of California and came to live in Vancouver, Washington my daughter was twelve years old at the time. Since becoming pregnant I stopped drinking and after our son was born, my mood disorder came back with a vengeance. I would check out mentally. I would overeat in place of drinking. I tried to find outlets that would relieve that chronic emotional pain. In 1988 some traumatic events happened to me within a short period of time that pushed me over the precipice of an emotional breakdown. My step-daughter who came to live with us for four years was found out to be a child molester and was taken away from us. All those old demons of my abuse came to me reminding me that I was damaged goods. The stress of my step-daughter later going to jail because of another incident put a strain on my marriage. I had constant thoughts of my husband leaving me. I tried holding it together until our son fell off a tree and was hospitalized and had brain surgery. The ordeal of witnessing his pain and suffering brought every past trauma and loss into my mind. I thought I

would go insane. Thank God, my son did not suffer any physical effects from the fall. One of my older sisters had found A.A. six years prior and encouraged me to go. June 1st, 1989 at 42 years of age I started my road to recovery. At first it was electrifying to feel this good, people at the meetings really cared and genuinely wanted me to succeed on staying sober. I got a sponsor, started working the Twelve Steps. Read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, did not understand at first the ideas presented but I enjoyed the stories. I started to make a living amends to the people I had harmed by staying abstinent from alcohol and continued to make progress in my spiritual growth. Two years into my sobriety my daughter got married and I wrote a letter of amends to my first husband, for taking our daughter away from him; for not letting him see her. He did not come to the wedding but he did get to meet our daughter and I was able to talk with him freely and openly about what happened. At five years of sobriety, arrogance and self importance started to harden my heart. I stopped working the spiritual program. I thought I was cured. Part of the reason was I was under the belief that this feeling of feeling good about myself would last without my continued work on character defects. Since I stopped growing I went back to my old behaviors. My marriage started feeling the effects of my inner disturbance. What I know now is that during these past years of marriage, I had fulfillment with my children, my home and my family. My daughter especially had been with me for all this time through good and bad times. This stage of my life I started to be left alone, some call it the empty nest. For me it was much more, my family had become my identity, my emotional dependency and my life. I asked my husband to fill the emptiness that I was feeling with more affection and love. He could not fulfill my request. It was unrealistic of me to have asked for this. Instead of seeking help, I responded what I perceived, I am not lovable. I started to be haunted by the guilt of becoming pregnant before my husband was divorced. Thoughts like, “God is punishing me” or “I don’t deserve to be happy or loved” would invade

what little serenity I had at the time. I sought relief from the emotional pain and from the hurt; what I believed was rejection the only way I knew how by finding someone else. My husband was devastated when he found out about the affair and we separated in 1994. We saw each other very few times till our court day on April 19, 1997. My husband died two years later, he had a bad heart when we married over time it got worse. I believe the disappointment I caused aggravated his condition. His death left a big hole in my life, once again I felt lost, there was no cushion to shield me from shame, guilt and fear I felt daily. After my ex-husband’s death and a relationship that I was having at the time ended in 2000, I became suicidal. I started seeing a therapist to address my emotional sickness. This is when I was diagnosed with Dysthymia. At the time I did not give it much importance. I felt this was another label therapist give people to fit them in a certain hole. Up until this time I always had a cushion, something that would keep me from my own emotions. Either it was alcohol, relationships, children, church or my own fantasies. In sobriety everything is real and needs my full attention. During this period of my sobriety, I struggled how to live life on life’s terms without a cushion, a crutch, a false dependency or an addiction to numb me from my emotional pain. Therapy at that time put a band aid on my emotions and I managed to get eleven years of sobriety. I met my current sponsor/mentor who slowly introduced me to the real program of Alcoholics Anonymous and the Twelve Steps and brought me back from insanity of trying to live on my own self will. With her help I surrendered again to my Higher Power with much more humility and became convinced that God needed to run my life and I need to seek Him on a daily basis. Two years later thrown into a depression due to the loss of my eldest sister. I started going to church, first by reading for the first time the Bible. I had stayed away from church since coming into A.A. Now I became a seeker to define my Higher Power. I did not want to go back to the Catholic Church. A.A. started me on a spiritual journey of reliance on a Higher Power of my own understanding, I called God. I had grown up in

a Catholic way of seeing God as one who punishes and never could I be good enough. I still had not addressed my childhood demons that kept taunting me every chance they could with fears, insecurities and anxiety. A Breaking Free class given at the Christian church started to heal those scabbed wounds of my childhood abuse one by one. After two years I accepted Christ into my heart. When Christ came into my heart He filled all those holes I expected people, places and things to fill. Since coming home to Christ my life is much more at peace and there is tranquility in my heart that was not there before. I live on the twenty-four hour plan and the daily bread plan. I continue to attend meetings of A.A. and added to my spirituality is being a Christian. Having both balances me out in those times of depression or being anxious. Now I have more times of feeling grateful and I have been given a quiet place in the Son to rest. My hope for writing this guide is that you will be encouraged to help those like me who have had a harder start in life than most; that need more time, more help and more love to heal spiritually because our wounds are so deep that try as we might we cannot do it alone. The church and the Twelve Steps teach me, how to live and walk the sober and Christian path one day at a time and how to be comfortable in my own skin with the best cushion one could possibly have the Twelve Steps, God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Through my emotional setbacks, I have learned not to rely on yesterday’s recovery for today’s sobriety. I need to have an action today for my recovery, for my spirituality and for my connection with God. I need the manna that is provided at meetings and/or church. I could not survive the challenges of abstinence from alcohol, bouts of dishonesty, relationships and anger without the fellowship of A.A. and the church. It is mostly the program of recovery and spirituality of A.A. and the honesty found in the fellowship and meetings that keep me sober and the church keeps me on the right path. The elders of A.A., who we affectionately call old timers, would tell us newbie’s, “Put your shoes underneath your bed so you end and start your day in the right position, on your knees”. The other piece of wisdom they

imparted on us, “Whoever got up the earliest that’s who has the most sobriety”. My favorite, “Don’t leave before the miracle”, and the miracle that happened to me was when God took over my life and I began to let Him. I have a debt of gratitude to all my brothers and sisters that have helped me through my sobriety and coming home to Christ. What they would say to me about how I could repay them would be to pass on what they gave me to other still suffering alcoholics. Much like our Lord started his ministry with passage from the book of Isaiah, “The Spirit of the Lord is in me, this is because God chose me to tell the Good News to the poor, God sent me to tell the prisoners of sin that they are free, and to tell the blind they can see again. God sent me to free those who have been treated unfairly” Luke 4:18 New Century Version My primary purpose today is to help the still suffering alcoholic with every ability, talent and creative part me. Thank you, for letting me share my story. I hope we meet on the road of happy destiny. God bless you and keep you till then.

Missn at Deceit is one of the major blocks to living an honest life and to connecting with God. It is one of the mainstays of addiction. I could not understand the condition at all but I think it is usually about me trying to work it out or going to other people to fix my problems instead of me praying and looking for spiritual answers. I consider myself to be a co-dependent, which means addiction to people, and i think what I do is to say, ok. I am going to do these things for you and somewhere in the back of my mind I think that if I do that, if I am good enough, then there is a payoff. I will get something in return, the needs will be met. But it has lead to all kinds of abuse and worse, so many, so many people (including me) have been hurt by the behavior. I am trying to learn to take my problems to pray for answers and look for spiritual solutions. I have just come out of (last year) a relationship with a male from AA who really hurt me because I was practicing these behaviors. I understand that what I did in being codependent was wrong because it was about pleasing a person instead of

God, but i also understand that he is responsible for his part in the behavior which was the violence. I am sure there are big, big lessons in all of this, but again, somehow the answer is by being spiritually correct. That is acting in a way that connects us to God. I hate deceit. It is a painful and horrible condition but now I understand that it goes hand-inhand with addictions. I think that is why we have to pray without ceasing, and also to know the important parts of scripture that connects us to God and others. Right relationship, afterall, is about right relationship with others, too. Blessings.

Icariin at I’m currently studying the topic of drug addiction in London and so this is prime info that you guys above have given me, many thanks you guys and stay strong.

Jenn@yourkeyords at I’m very eary in recovery,so I dont have many words of wisdom, however I will say that if you dont stand for something,you’ll fall for everything,and I did and I fell hard…I didnt have any values or self worth.For six years I had double life-1. The great wife &,mother of three with a picket fence.2.Then there was a dark side , the girl who snorted lines of cocaine or pills in the bathroom of my family home and however good I felt as the euphoria took over I was always to ashamed to look my self in the mirror.When my two worlds finally collided I had hit my rock bottom..My family picked me up and got me the help,I wasnt ready to ask for. I will forever be grateful to them for that.. These days Im just trying to get through hour to hour..like so many others out there..All I know for sure is my worst day clean is better than my best day using. So I continue to hang in there,and everyday thers a little less pain,and right now Im ok with that….God bless everyone who suffers from the disease of addicton.

Pamela A. Hemphill at I have been sober since August 10, 1979. I spent the first 4 years coming in and out of the AA meetings, not realizing why I kept coming back, today I know it was because I wanted to have a relationship with god, that I saw most people in AA had. I expeienced childhood spiritual abuse, as my mother was a child serial killer, and had been in involved in a santic cult. I was raised with a step father who sexually abused me for years, and a mother who pulled all my hair out, and beat me daily for years. I was raped at age 14, and spent most of my teenage years in Juvenile Hall and Foster Homes. After I sobered up, I went back to college and became a substance abuse counselor. I lost my children because of my drinking, and was divorced three times. I have spent my last 10 years of sobriety living alone, and today I’m dating a wonderful man, and have a wonderful counselor position, working with alcoholics. I want to share with everyone what God has done to heal my little girl, and given me a chance to have a life I only dreamed of. I am available to tell more of my story and share my experience, strength and hope with anyone who believes they are hopeless. I tell people “Get Angry, Get Even and Get Well!” You are loved, just write to me any time. Remember “God Wins” and the 12-Steps Heal.

Josh at I started out drinking beer in Highschool really to just fit in. I was a normal young teenage guy that was worried about girls and having fun on the weekends. Most of my friends in highschool went out with me and drank and partied. I’d say about six months into the drinking, it went from just fitting in to really enjoying getting drunk. And slowly I began to plan my weekends around drinking. I had a girlfriend at the time that didn’t like the party scence, and she would get on me about it, so eventually I began to sneak behind her back and party. That should’ve told me right then that I had a addictive personality but I didn’t see it. I was just a young guy that thought it was the normal thing to do, but slowy I began to loose control, and it started controlling me. I had never tried

drugs before, but I knew some people that had been smoking weed, and I had heard some funny stories about it. One weekend my buddy had some weed and offered it to, and I tried it. It was cool. I enjoyed smoking it but it didn’t control my every move. So now I’m drinking and smoking. I was a senior in highschool at the time, and was had became pretty wild. Everybody knew that I was party crazed, and at first that reputation was kind of cool. I’d say three or four years went by. I had graduated highschool and was just trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. This particular weekend, one of my good friends was having a going away party because he was leaving the next weekend for the army. There was about a hundred people at this party. My friend came up to me and said come with me. So I followed him to this back room where I found a few other guys cutting these white lines on a table, which right then I knew was cocaine, because I had been offered it a few times before but I had been too nervous to try it. Well this night I had been drinking and was feeling the alcohol. My buddy said do you want to do some coke with us? Stupidly I chose to try it. At the moment that I snorted that first line, was the begininng of the decline in my life. I had no idea how rocked my world was fixing to be. That night, was the craziest/funnest night of my life. But what I didnt realize is that first time cocaine feeling is what gets a person hooked. At the moment I felt the rush of coke, I automatically fell in love with it. I loved the way it made me feel. I did coke all night that night and ended up spending a hundred dollars or so, and that was just my first time doing it. I didnt do it again for a month or so. The second time I did it, it was pretty good as well. I had been looking foward to doing it but i did notice that I didnt feel exactly the same way as I did the first time. But once again I didnt know the facts about cocaine addiction. To try to cut this story a little shorter, I ended up being so far out on coke that I was stealing money, lieing to my family, and I was doing it anytime I could get my hands on some money. If I had every dollar that I spent on coke in a year I probably would be driving a brand new car. My message to anybody that hasnt every done coke is to stay as far away as you can. It will destroy your life. Your life begans to revolve around when you can use it, and nothing else matters. Not a job,girlfriend, or anything. Im still

dealing with it now, and I hope that I will have the will power to stop, but I look back at my life two years ago, and look at it now, and sometimes just sit down and cry. So coming from sombody whos there, dont do it. its that plain and simple. If you never do it, youll never have to go threw this wicked addiction. Because cocaine was created in the palm of the devils hand. It is the most evil stuff Ive ever seen in my life.

Liverserum at I’m a 47 year old man who has led for a lack of a better description a rock and roll life style and I”m paying for it now. I don’t know what my intention for writing this blog is, maybe cathartic, maybe encouraging someone else to seek help before they begin walking down the road I’m currently on or possibly I’m just being self indulgent. For whatever reason, here I go. About 10 years ago I went to see my PCP, we had a regular check up with the usual chit chat regarding food wine and travel, three of my favorite things. Wine and it’s use as a self medication substance as well its distant cousins bourbon, gin and whatever alcoholic beverage might be handy. My life was a vicious circle and I was happy with it, get up, work, drink, sleep and or pass out depending on the amount of alcohol that I was able to choke down that day. A few days after that initial physical my Doc called letting me know there was a problem with my blood tests, come on back and lets do it again. He had slyly set me up with a barrage of blood tests focusing on liver function, viral loads, biliruben and blood cell counts. Sitting at my make shift desk of a folding table, surrounded by half smoken cigarette butts and half finished bottles of wine and beer, my phone rang. I’m sure I was drinking something, probably half in the bag with nearly a bottle of Rhone in my belly. It was Doc C… “how you doing…”, “good…”, “I have some bad news…”, “yeah….”, “You have hepatitus C…”.

I wish I could say I lost my breath or my head started spinning or even that I feinted. Nothing happened, he might as well have told me me I had a hang nail, it would of carried more weight. After explaining to me that Hep C was a blood borne illness that causes inflammation of the liver among other things I took a minute to digest any repercussions this illness might have and replied “Can I still drink?” “You shouldn’t, but a sip here and there probably won’t hurt you at this stage of the game.” I thanked him, quietly hung up the phone, finished another bottle of wine, smoked a cigarette and buried my head in the sand for the next ten years. If you’d like to read more, check out my blog wwww.liverserum.blogspot.com (it is not a commercial endeavor, it is the story of revovery and hope).

Stefany N. at http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/stefanynorthcutt/d3linquentz This is my story of how my Higher Power, who I choose to call God, was and still is much bigger than my broken past. I was a juvenile delinquent and this is not only my story but also of the delinquents I shared my life with. It is on kickstarter and I hope God puts it in your heart to participate in making it happen this September 10-Oct 2 at the Write Act Repertory Theater in Hollywood.

Greg@Opiate Addiction at Hey Bill, Again awesome site. I was actually addicted to opiates (specifically heroin and Oxycontin) for a long time – probably like 3-4 years. I have since turned my life around and now make websites on addiction to help people who are suffering with addictions. I think you are doing a great thing here Bill…very good job with addiction recovery basics .com! Greg

Kailey at Drug addiction is a family disease. I feel like family members with good intentions go to great lengths to help their addicted loved one- almost so far that their efforts are often directed more towards keeping that “addicted person” out of trouble, rather than addressing the drug problem in itself. First off, you must learn the facts- FLAT OUT. The more you know about their disease the easier it will be to help them. We must also remember to refrain from rescuing our addicted loved one. Consequences are what led them to get help in the first place. When family members remove these consequences- the addict loses ALL motivation to get help, which obviously doesn’t help anyone. And whatever you do DO NOT support them financially. Addiction is expensive, and, in the end most often is burdened by the family. Always tell yourself, NO ONE is to blame- addiction is a disease, not a choice so DON’T analyze it. One of the most important things to remember when helping an addict is don’t under any circumstance make idle threats. You must say what you mean and do what you say. Addicted people DO NOT respond to threatsthey have been rescued before and they do not believe family will follow through on threats. Next, addicts are incapable of keeping promises- its a proven fact. So don’t expect them to. They may sincerely want to but their disease prevents them from doing so. Don’t preach, lecture, or try to reason- its a waste of breath. NO ONE can talk an addict enough to make them seek recovery- they must find this within themselves in order to truly recover. Remember that only consequences are powerful enough to break the hold addiction has on their brain. Another thing, do avoid reactions of anger and pity. No matter how angry you may get there will always without a doubt be a feeling of immense pity following this. Anger is easily endured and manipulated by the addicts disease- so it’s never a good option. In addition you must remember almost undeniably the most helpful way you can better your addicted loved one is to NOT ACCOMMODATE for their disease. Addiction is a subtle foe and it will gradually infiltrate a families

home, lifestyle, and attitudes in ways that often go unnoticed. Examples of accommodation include, locking up valuables, not inviting guests for fear that addicted person might cause embarrassment, adjusting ones work schedule to be home with the addict, and not taking vacations for fear of not being available for your addicted loved one. These things seem like they may require alot of hard work and commitment- and i will not glamorize it, because it is more work than you’ll ever know until you actually experience it for yourself. But in the end- it couldn’t be more worth it. Lastly, families and friends must remember when helping an addict to recover, it is your job to focus on your OWN life and responsibilities. Families must identify areas of their own lives that have been neglected due to their focus on someone else’s addiction. It is important to reclaim one’s life or the disease will hold the family hostage as well as the addicted person. Take time for yourself, and come to accept that your loved one has a disease they will carry with him/her for the rest of their life. It’s up to THEM, their decisions and choices will decide if the rest of their life will be clean and happy. You must also accept you are merely there as an emotional support who can help guide them down the right path. The choice is ultimately up to them- and you CANNOT under any circumstance allow their choices in life effect your well being. Stay strong and smart. I did, and with that anythings possible. Good luck! SLOW DOWN CALM DOWN DON’T WORRY DON’T HURRY TRUST THE PROCESS

Annie Destinty Long at Hello. I am a 39 year young mother of a beutiful little girl who is 10 yeasl old and she is the light of my eye. about 6 years ago, Istared to takinjg percecet for contant painthough out my body. After a while the percet did nothing..So they I asked for something stronger. They put my on Oxycontin 80mg. I started taling them, and Ilitereally felt like superwoman. I could do anything in the world and I had not a worry int

he world. about taking this forabout 3 months, they stopped helpin me with my pain.So therefore they doctor perscribed me yet another high dogage. I started taking about 10 aday and was gettin no relief..But the weiredst thing ofall, I woulf feel nothing. They would make me so tired that i wouold fall asleep on mycomputer desk..not to mention when Iwould pass out, I would pass at there right atmy computer desk to wak upwih burises allover myface..It was starting toscaremy mom and mygirl…I actually went tosee adoctor who perscrbied me suboxone and klonopin. THE klonopin was for my realy bad pancik attacsk..until onenight when I hate a date with areallygood friend of mine to watch some hanunted houses…Well,after we rode bythe Haunted House, it was closed…Nowmind you, I have never taken klonopins in my loife so I didin’t know what toexpect..boy was i infor a rude awakening..I has gone to speedway think that Icouldgrab a snack andomething to drink andthat would make me feel liess tired..ot much my surprise, Ihavd fallen asleep inmy car withthe damn card stillstarted..anyway, about 4 am in the mornig I heard this banging on my car …I woke up out ao this daze, they made meget out of the car and doallthistest..I couldnot do one..so I just told them totakemetojail..itwas by far thewrost night of my life..I havenever been in trouble in mylife…My god,Icanhonestly tell you I have learned my lesson..I CAN HONESLY TELL YOU IT IS SONOTWORTH IT..IFYOUHAVEA PERSCRIPIOJN AND YOUDON’TNOW HOWEXACTLYHOWIT’SGOINGTOEFFECTYOU,THE FIRST TYRITJUSTAT YOUHOME..DO NOT GOING DRIVINGAROUND..BECAUSE YOU WILL FEEL LIKE YOU ARE A TOTAL SOMIE..tAKE IT FFROMSOMEONE THATCARE…nO MORE FORME..iAMSODONEWHATALLTHAT BULLSHIT…

Greg @ Methadone Abuse at I was addicted to opiates for a LONG time and luckily I myself came across methadone – it actually saved my life! I recommend it – but only if you have already tried other methods of quitting first.

James M at Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) offers live and techology based 12 step meetings based around the US & World . Tools- like literature, downloadable ebook & audio workshops available. Outreach, GLBT, Women, Men & Young adults.

Kelli Athas at Not. My. Kid. Advice for Desperate Parents about your Child’s Addiction, from a Former Homecoming Queen Turned Drug Addict by: Kelli Athas Personal Interventionist Intercept Interventions High school homecoming queen. Cheerleader. I was beautiful, brighteyed, popular, and had every advantage. I came from a good, solid family who loved me; I had friends I loved being with, and a future that shined bright with opportunity. I was admittedly a little rebellious…going out to parties & clubs with friends, at that point it wasn’t about drinking or drugging. We were just kids having a good time. Then I made a choice that changed my life forever. I am a recovering drug addict. I have walked the streets with prostitutes and compromised all the morals that had been instilled into me. I lived the nightmare you fear for your child. I have done things to get high that I am deeply, ashamed of and for years I never thought I would conquer the guilt and shame that ate at my soul and always sent me back in to the cycle of using and abusing whatever or whoever I could…I understand desperation. I have been to hell, and the unfathomable grace of God I am alive and healthy today. Your child is a drug addict. You are in a desperate place right now, feeling hopeless and overwhelmed; I understand. I have breathed inside your son or your daughter’s skin. I have been consumed, eaten alive, with a force

that was a thousand times greater than me…a force that is right now consuming your child’s body, heart, mind, and soul. Inside every hour of every day I was addicted to drugs, my mother and my family tried to help me; they hoped, cried, prayed and lived a frantic existence of worry and fear. If you are the parent of an addict you likely feel just as out of control as the addict you so desperately want to help. You want to cure your baby. Unfortunately you cannot cure this person you love. Perhaps accepting the fact that there is no cure, no quick fix that will make everything go back to your “normal” family life is the first step toward strength and clarity for you. There is an overabundance of wellintentioned (and many non-well-intentioned) people advertising quick methods that will change your loved one’s life, make them get off drugs and become whole again. The reality is there is no one that can cure drug addiction. An addict must first face up to their addiction and admit they need help. Once they reach recovery they will need to find a support group best fits their needs, and stick with it. Recovery is a journey not a destination. The insanity and chaos that is imbued in addiction toys with emotions, and feelings become erratic and unpredictable. This is one of the reasons it is vitally important to seek an objective point of view from someone who’s been in an addict’s shoes, in their skin, someone you trust to give you and your family hope and guidance. I am still so saddened when I remember the pure exhaustion and desperation on my mother’s face when she would look at me during my struggle. She wanted so much for me to overcome this disease, but it would be a long road to recovery for me. I’ve been in treatment several times. I got out of my first rehab in 1996 and my mom thought the nightmare was over and life would go back to normal. No one explained this is a lifelong journey, a battle for me and for her. The greatest lesson I learned in my first stint in rehab was that I needed to hide my addiction better. I never thought of myself like the others in rehab; they were failures, they were low. Some whored their bodies to get money to buy drugs, others stole from their parents and kind-hearted friends. I was nothing like this. But after leaving the recovery program and getting back to my toxic patterns, I realized in the blink of an eye that I was lying to

myself – I was exactly like them. Addiction manifests itself in many ways. Manipulation and deception are huge indicators of trouble to come. Parents be vigilant – teens know how to manipulate. In my senior year of high school I was voted “Miss Smooth Talker”…and I considered this an accomplishment. The title should’ve been “Miss Manipulator” because that’s exactly what I had become. I thought “just one time for fun” would be just one time for fun – but instead it kick-started an all-consuming lust to chase that first high. It’s an indisputable fact that a high rate of teens begin their alcohol & drug use at this pivotal age in their life, as a parent it is an excruciatingly frightening scenario. No one can predict it and no one knows what they’ll do unless they’re in it themselves. It’s common to want to give your child the benefit of the doubt. Praying it’s only a phase, & for many it may be just that. But if your child has been experimenting and because of it they receive some adverse consequences, such as being suspended from school and they continue to use, that is when serious action should be to be taken. If you don’t seek help your taking the risk that they will fall into the vicious cycle of addiction. Educating families & kids about addiction is not easy. My advice to families is to ask them the uncomfortable questions, and if they try to blow you off, if they try to manipulate you, do not budge. If you’re not talking to your kids about drugs, someone will. Find out who their friends are. Find out where they hang out, what they do after school. Protect them when they don’t know enough to protect themselves. The social stigma of “not my child, they’re smarter than that” is not enough and will not help you help them. If your son or daughter has an addiction problem my advice to you is dig deep for strength, draw it from your love for them, and walk beside them through their journey toward recovery without expectation and without judgment. Be their parent, their cheerleader and the person they can trust most in the world. And no matter how dark it gets and how much they struggle to run away from you, never let them go. Kelli Athas is a certified national drug and alcohol interventionist. She and her husband Nick Athas are the founders of Intercept Interventions, a

program which helps families through the intervention process. Kelli is a highly sought after drug and alcohol recovery expert and works with courts, child protection services’ case managers and school administrators to mentor teens struggling with drug and alcohol addiction. They also work with churches and speak regularly about drug awareness, prevention, and education To contact Kelli and Nick Athas please visit http://www.interceptinterventions.com or contact their toll free number 877-744-3578.

Bill Booth at Promoting step-work only. Spiritual not religious step-work as present via pages touring through the principles of the 12 steps via fine original art and MUSIC! MUSICIANS AND ARTISTS SOUGHT to help illuminate he 12 steps. NO REHAB BEDS SOLD HERE we are a non-profit and have a 12 step book on spiritual quotes for all people in and out of recovery. And yes, as your site is spiritual we would put a banner on our resources page for you.

Lynda Zussman at My 26 year old daughter was sober for 8 years. Lauren was a Ford model but more importantly she was going to NYU to be a Life Coach. She was the poster child for AA and was one of the most requested speakers. At 18 she ovedosed on alcohol and HGB only to join a 12 step program immediately. After being hospitalized and almost dying Lauren knew that sobriety was the only answer. AT her happiest, jogging with her fiance in NY Central Park, Lauren went into cardiac arrest and died due to an unknown heart condition. I wrote the book THROW ME THE ROPE: A Memoir on Loivng Lauren – available on Amazon.com A Portion of the proceeds will be going to Orangewood Home – Santa Ana. CA. A foster home for high rish girls. This bio/memoir reflects Lauren’s growing addiction only to transform to a holistic, sober woman who shares her gifts of conscious, sober livng- creating joy and bliss. Her letters from Italy reach the hearts of any one struggling with addictions or the

obstacles of life. This is a spiritual journey to the human spirit. Indeed. WEBSITE: throwmetheropebook.com

Robert Goudreau at My name is Robert and I’m a four time cancer and stem cell transplant survivor. I am also a recovering alcoholic. When I was 7 years old, back in 1977 I was diagnosed with Burkitt’s Lymphoma. I had surgery to remove the tumor and began a 18 month coarse of chemotherapy. After the first three months of chemotherapy the doctors found cancer cells in my bone marrow. At this point I was placed in Laminer-flow (boy in the plastic bubble) enviornment and given ultra hi doses of chemotherapy that completely wiped out my bone marrow. I spent 40 days in the bubble while my immune system recovered. After this I went into remission and continued on with my life. At 11 years old after three and a half years I relapsed. The cancer was back. I had another surgery with the tumor and a portion of intestine were taken out and I began chemotherapy. After six months of chemo I was again in remission. Life went on I grew up played sports went to high school and college. I also started drinking like almost all adolescents/teenagers do. At first and for a long time drinking was fun. It was a social lubricant, got me out of myself and allowed me to overcome the overwhelming shyness I had. Looking back on things I can see that after the first couple of times I didn’t drink normally, I always drank to get drunk. What was the point of having one or two drinks. It wasn’t until other things in my life started to fall apart that I became dependent on alcohol. After the death of my father and not being able to get my undergraduate thesis done I began to check out of any semblance of a normal life. I became an unemployable drunk who bailed on graduation with a B.S. in Biology ang a good shot at going to medical school on a full scholarship. My sister and brother in law didn’t want me around their new family, who could blame them and my mother had to sleep with her pocket book under her pillow so I wouldn’t steal from her. I finally bottomed out at the age of 27. My life had become laying on the couch, drinking when I had money and my mother was out of the house.

After getting a really bad case of pneumonia and ending up in the hospital I got honest with someone about my drinking. It was the doctor in the ER. She referred me to an outpatient program, which in turn got me into AA. Life got better. I got a life beyond my wildest dreams. I got a career, I got a wife and I was able to be a good son, a good brother, a good uncle and a true friend. After about 4 and a half years of sobriety I found out I had cancer again. I had been in remission for over 19 years. This time it was diffuse B-cell lymphoma. I went through chemo again and went back into remission. Life went on. I knew I would get through the cancer I had faith in my higher power. Life went on. After about 8 years in the program I let all the gifts that I had received in sobriety get in the way of my sobriety. After a health scare where my doctors thought that I might have cancer again I stopped going to meetings all together. About a year later I picked up a drink. Things went this way for a little over a year. I hid my drinking from everyone who knew that I was an alcoholic. It’s really pathetic. When my girlfriend who later became my fiance was out of the house I would occasionally get drunk and play Mob Wars on Facebook. The progression was relatively slow and for the most part I was just hurting myself. Someone had other plans. In January of 2009 I found out that I had cancer for the fourth time. Again it was diffuse B-cell lymphoma but it was really bad. I had a 20cm mass in my hip and tumors in my thyroid gland, my heart, my pancreas and intestine. the only answer was chemo and a stem cell transplant. I underwent 4 brutal rounds of chemo and on June 4th 2009 I had my stem cell transplant. The prep for the stem cell transplant was lethal doses of chemo and total body radiation. It was pretty horrific. I honestly didn’t think that I would survive it. I I had the love and support of my family but there was no trust or faith in a higher power. It might sound silly but that lack of any kind of a faith in a higher power made going through the cancer so much harder. I didn’t drink during the months of chemo before the transplant (I was too sick from the chemo and was in the hospital more than I was home) but in the weeks between the chemo and waiting for the transplant I would occasionally drink. When the fear got too great I was going to drink or loose my mind. I didn’t have my program or support network to go to. I wasn’t alone but I

felt like I was. Well 23 days after the transplant my body began to make its own blood cells again and I was released from the hospital. Over the next six months my fiance and I broke up, I had to move back in with my mother because I couldn’t take care of myself (I had no immune system) and I got fired from my full time job while on medical leave and had to worry about losing my health care benefits. I was lost. Most people would be grateful to be alive. I was to mournful of what I had lost and afraid of what the future had in store. And I was drinking. The life that I was trying to rebuild/salvage was about to be destroyed by drinking. I knew where I needed to go. In Feb. of 2010 I went back to my home group and said “My name is Robert and I’m an Alcoholic and I have one day back. That”s enough out of me for now, I will add more later. I’ll just finish to say I have about a year and a half of sobriety and I’m becoming grateful for my life again. Would love to hear some feedback to anyone who reads this. Robert Goudreau [email protected]

Debi at I am the parent of an 18 year old, who has gone from bad to worse, despite all the help I sought for her. It started at the age of 13, when she chose the wrong friends, and would sneak out of the house in the middle of the night to find drugs. I took her to at least 3 counselors, begging for help. But, she didn’t want help, and lied to each one of them. About a year ago, it got totally out of control, to the point that she assaulted me while I was taking away her phone. She ended up in rehab for 6 months. I was there 4 times a week, for counselling, visits, parent groups, and was able to bring her home for a few hours on Sunday. I took her to many AA and NA meetings. I thought she was doing well, and she graduated the program. She refused to use the tools she learned to stay sober, went back to her drug selling boyfriend and assorted drug using friends. I had to be hospitalized for an appendectomy…so she stole my credit card, took my car (with no license) and went on a spending spree. She also sold my camera and all my jewelry! I forced her to leave,

I won’t enable her anymore. Her father lives 30 minutes away and he took her in, because he’s a recovering addict and thinks he can help. So he bought her a bus pass…now she takes the bus to her boyfriend, and disappears for days. Rehab won’t work unless an addict is ready to face themselves. He’s afraid for her to be on the street, but I think she’ll reach recovery faster if no one enables her. She made bad choices, and needs To take responsibility for her life. I love her and miss her, but I refuse to live with the drama. She basically raped me of most of my valuble belongings. I don’t know if I will ever trust her, all I can do is pray for her to find a healthy way of living.

James Smith at I am really inspired with the stories. Hope that my brother would be free from addiction since he is already 35, still, no decisions in life. We had made every support he needs hoping for improvement, but it only worsen the case. He thinks that everybody would support him always. Hoping to receive suggestions that will help us help my brother

DefendUrLife at Kudos to Robert for your sobriety and your remission. I have seen how important it is to focus on living a healthy life, eating right, healing body, soul and mind to begin to life a rewarding life again. It isn’t easy. I suffered an opiate addiction after an injury and went cold turkey while working as a teacher. It was unfair to both my students and to me, but I had no choice. Ambien CR was my lifesaver taken during the day and night for a few days, hot soaks, L-tyrosine, Vitamins A,B, and trying to focus on some things positive. For me, it was knowing that my circumstances would change and I could focus on my recovery at home soon. I reached out to family and let them know I needed their support… got a couple of texts back. They have no concept of what I went through and viewed my situation as weakness on my part. It was the hardest thing

that I had ever done…and took a few weeks to get through the physical completely. Hang in there, it can be done. I’m an old lady who didn’t even know I had developed this addiction, was appalled, embarrassed, but when dr. began tapering down, threw me into complete withdrawal…so I just went cold turkey. Ouch.

Jess at My addiction began in 2008. I had 5 surgerys in one year and was prescribed pain killers for the pain. At first I didn’t think I was dependent on them until I started to stop taking them and withdrawls began to start. To prevent the withdrawls I just continued to take them. I always continued my daily life…work, doing house work, everything that needed to be done I would do it. I would hide my addiction from everyone even my own husband didn’t have a clue that I had a problem. In 2010 right after christmas I was asked by my husband if I had a problem. At this point I knew I couldn’t hide it any longer and I told him yes. I entered myself in a IOP (intense outpatient program) From the day I entered the program I dropped the drugs completly none of this take less til you take none….I was taking up to 30 pills a day and went from that to 0 pills a day! Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t easy not the least bit. the first week was AWFUL at the least I had no energy was sick at my stomach all the time, and wanted to sleep all the time. After that first week the symptons started to get less and less. I knew I was ready for my life back I didnt want this diease of addiction any longer. My program was 3 days a week 3 hours a day and I met some of the best people in this program. Some of these people that I would keep a realtionship with for the rest of my life. This program was what saved my life! Addiction is not something that can be played with and for most of you that have never had to deal with it wouldn’t not understand why cant you just stop, it can’t be that hard. The one thing that I would like for someone to understand if you or a family member is going thru this it isn’t something that you NEED the addiction can’t exist without you! The addiction NEEDS you bc it can’t live without you! But the problem is the addiction will kill you. And I know how any

addict thinks “it hasn’t killed me yet” Well guess what no one said It will happen today or tomorrow but IT WILL HAPPEN! I beg anyone that suffers with this diease to please get some kind of help. Getting help was the best thing I have done in my life period. It can’t hurt to at least TRY that is all that anyone can ask is that you TRY!

Betty Elia at I stopped taking Klonipin in 2010 after being on it through an RX from my doctor for 8 years. I went through withdrawal hell and I haven’t gotten better over time. After reading a lot about benzo withdrawal and PAWS, I thought I had PAWS, but some experts, including Dr. Urell, say that only addicts get PAWS. What would you call what I am going through, being blessedly unaddicted?

Graham at Addiction has taken over not only my life but I am also in a relationship with someone in denial over their addiction too. I feel that every day is ground hog day where I am waiting for the end. No light but just the next fix of either gambling or drugs to keep me going till the next ground hog day. I want to break free but my partner who I have not supported for the last few years is deeper in the pool than I am Death, although a cowardly exit, seems to be the only way to break free from the endless days of crying in despair of where we are today. We have neglected not only ourselves but also those around us who have no idea how bad it is. I cling onto hope daily but it is only a thin strand of cotton which I want to cut to end things. Maybe a sharp shock will save my partner because I don’t care for myself and the weaknesses I have. Pray for me

Brianna at I’ve grown up with an addiction from every side of my family, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins. my father became addicted to cocaine when i was about 5, my mother tryed to drown out her anger towards him through alcohol. Through out my childhood, she was an angry person, single mother who would drink away her problems, and as well have an alcholic boyfriend. My father landed in jail for trafficking, and drug use, he had been sent to rehab three times, but that didn’t seem to fix the problem. my grandparents especially my grandmother enabled my father to the fullest, she would give him money repeatably and he would lie about what he was doing with it, she gave him a place to stay. when we were on the verge of becoming homeless. my mother struggled to take care of me and my sister, without my father’s support. Through the years i had lived with many other relatives, some of them with alcoholism. My father was so lost in the drugs, they took away who he was, made him do horrible things. He suffered a stroke ten years ago and now lives in a nursing home, with no quality of life. I have been struggling my whole life with the pain my family put me in, and now im trying to find the journey to heal from all of this. I am in college and doing what i need to do for myself to make it in this world.

foisal_rushad at hi, i want u to tell a story about my girl friend. he start to take drug 2 years ago. he used to drink everyday,every week and nobody could stop himself. we love each other and talk about all types of recovery but day by days he became very abusive, he talked with me very badly and sometimes try to hit me. one day he killed a man who is also addicted and went to the jail. now i am waiting for him when i will see him or he will come to me with a normal person.

RK at

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James Thaden at The Thanksgiving I Didn’t Go To Rehab Deep in Denial: I had been doing better. Not a drop since Labor Day. The family had their hopes up again. My wife and oldest child were witnesses to my diligent efforts not to drink; to “do better”. They were optimistic about Thanksgiving, but my youngest, away at college, remained the family skeptic. “How’s Dad doing?” , I heard her ask her mother on the telephone. “Better”, my wife assured her. “Yeah right” “No really ….Better… really. Sweetie, please come home. Its going to be a great weekend. You can see your friends. ” *********** Together, my wife and I decided to go through with the family’s usual Thanksgiving plans. A big dinner was arranged at our house. Family friends were invited. The kids invited their friends too. It was one of our favorite rituals. In years past, before my “problem drinking” had become

an un-welcomed holiday guest, we had enjoyed many Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays that came right off of Hallmark cards. These were the holidays before the glasses and bottles started showing up in odd places and before the phone was off limits to Dad after 8:00p.m. These were holidays now several years past, but still remembered like they were yesterday. The Thanksgivings of years past were such precious memories that none of us could let them go. Especially me. This year, I was “doing better”. I was trying my best. I knew my footing was dubious, but I also knew I might be spending my last Thanksgiving with the family. Drinking or sober, I inwardly knew I was “toast”. Alcoholism had me in its silent strangle hold and I knew it. My loyal loving wife, a real fighter, had not yet faced the undeniable fact of alcoholism in our lives. I was sincerely trying to be the father and husband my family had once known. She was still trying to hold our lives together, even though I was broken. I was still insanely claiming my persistent efforts would overcome my obsession with alcohol. But, in my soul, I knew wasn’t “winning”. Cooking the turkey was my job. Probably, it was never as good as I thought, still the family remained happy to let Dad have his way. The kids were busy with their friends. My wife, a self admitted holiday addict, was busy with the many preparations. I was left alone for the bulk of the day with no responsibility other than cooking a turkey and watching Thanksgiving football. This day, I was grateful. Newly sober, I believed we were on our way to another wonderful Thanksgiving. After many years, as you might expect, the family stuffing and the turkey gravy that accompanied the meal had to be just so. It was important to all of us; part of the ritual. Our stuffing recipe was elaborate. It included apples, raisins, pecans, onions and celery all caramelized in butter with a touch of chicken broth and cooking sherry. This concoction was added to the stuffing and puréed in the gravy and I’m telling you it was good…. really good. It was my annual contribution the family festivities. In my alcoholic mind it was, in fact, too good to change. Even under the

circumstances, I told myself this “important” part of the family ritual needn’t change just because I had a “drinking problem” and the same held true of the cocktails we always offered our holiday guests and the light white wine we always served with Thanksgiving dinner. My wife and children agreed with my assessment. This Thanksgiving could, and should, be just like old times. I don’t know when I decided to taste the cooking sherry. It was a good while before the best football game started. I know, the bird went in the oven by 10:00 a.m. because both of the turkeys in the house were thoroughly “cooked” when the guests arrived. I’m not sure when I went to the store to get the replacement bottle of cooking sherry. It had to be before noon because the grocery closed at noon on Thanksgiving. This means I drove after drinking; something I had promised myself I would never do again. I have a vague recollection of stealing one of the bottles of dinner wine, opening it and stowing it away for myself. Since I couldn’t drink at the party, my perfected ritual was to put a bottle away in a secret place to gulp in stolen trips. In short recesses away from the company of my friends and family, alone and literally closeted by my addiction, I would gulp my Thanksgiving dinner from a plastic cup. As the guests arrived, I know I embarrassed both of my children terribly in front of their friends. I know I made such a travesty of the Thanksgiving prayer that I was invited in the kitchen for a scolding by my disgusted wife. Shortly after dinner I remember I was sent directly to bed like the ill behaved child I had become. I can still vividly see the saddened faces of our guests as I made my pathetic exit. On this regrettable Thanksgiving day, I unnecessarily inflicted pain upon my wife and children. I am intensely aware of the incision I made in the consciousness of my family and friends that day. These are facts of my life that I choose never to forget; valuable memories of the poison alcohol becomes when I drink it.

This is the story of the Thanksgiving I didn’t go to rehab. Still held hostage by four of the greatest enemies of the alcoholic or addict that needs help, I sabotaged yet another holiday for my family and friends. The delusion of “impending wellness” which I was trying to perpetuate was actually the product of a mind filled with denial, rationalization, justification and minimization. I didn’t know how truly defective my thinking was at the time. At the time, giving the holidays a valiant try seemed like the best thing for the family. In the name of trying to recapture the days when my life was manageable , when I was “ a good Dad”, I made yet another bad decision to resist the truth that I was an alcoholic and my life was especially unmanageable in the holidays. As it says in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous , I was really “whistling past the graveyard”. Given a chance to do it over again, I would get on with it. I would go to rehab for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I would admit personal defeat and get the entire family much needed help. Alcoholics and addicts like me, don’t want to self destruct in the holidays. We don’t want to hurt the people we love. Yet there is an undeniable angst to the holidays for many of us. Sometimes the revelry of the holidays is more than those of us who are willing to become sober, but not yet able to maintain sobriety, can take. With time, usually a good deal of time, most of us can carefully return to some degree of holiday normalcy, but early on, especially if we are still fighting the obsession of alcoholism or drug addiction, the holidays need to be approached with caution. If taken too lightly, the holiday’s can be filled with peril. J Thomas- 11/19/11

Nancy at My cousin’s father was an alcoholic. From what I’ve been reading on different websites and in books, he’s got the classic symptoms that adult children of alcholics exhibit. I’m in a position right now where I’m afraid

of criticizing him for the simplest things. This is NOT a way to have a relationship with anyone. Other than going to Al-Anon for Families, how else can I deal with him on an adult level? I suspect that he and his wife are both alcoholics themselves. We went out for supper with them in March. There were 7 of us at the table and we ordered two bottles of wine. She drank a bottle and a half herself and left the other half bottle for the rest of us to share. He told us several times that he doesn’t drink and drive. It was like one of the Shakespearean plays – I can’t remember which one – where one of the characters says “me thinks the lady doth protest too much.” It was as if he was trying to convince the rest of us that he doesn’t have a problem with alcohol. When he DOES talk about drinking, he says it’s only beer, but beer is alcohol too and he never tells you how much beer he drinks in one go. I can’t avoid dealing with him because my parents still want to deal with him and he’s always there when they’re there. If it wouldn’t be for my parents, I would stay clear of him all together. What do I do about his drinking and his child-like behavior?

arun at As far as my experience goes , for giving up alcholoe addiction you need supportive medication plus desire to quit . I was give anti depressent tabs while I was trying to quit. I used to sleep most of the times for first 10 to 15 days . Thereafter , slowly I sstarted my schedule but without alchohole . I continued antoi depressent tabs for six months or so. Them I gave up the medicines also. I am alchohole free now. God bless you ifyou are trying to give up this addiction. God is great.

David Loffert at After completing 4 years at the University of Northern Colorado for my Bachelor of Science in 1990, 1 year at Johns Hopkins University for my Masters in Health Science in 1996, and 2 ½ years into my Ph.D. in

respiratory medicine at the Medical College of Virginia/Virginia Commonwealth University in 1996-98, I thought I had complete control of my life. Specifically, my career in aerosol respiratory medicine. I had published my first paper in a respectable peer reviewed medical journal (Chest) when I was 27. Several months after that, I presented the paper at a medical conference in Garmisch-Partenkirchen, Germany. It was one of 9 trips I would take to Germany to consult with a medical company established in Starnberg, Germany. By the time I was in my second year of my Ph.D. I had published/presented 54 medical papers, published 6 peer reviewed medical papers, was contributing author on one book, owned and operated my own consulting company in respiratory medicine, developed a patent for respiratory devices, and was progressing successfully in my Ph.D. I was 31 years old and I was proud of my accomplishments and my continuing success in respiratory medicine. But, that was all about to change. Addiction would enter my life and take away from me my possessions, my profession, my loved ones, and my sanity. My pathway to addiction started when I made an appointment to see Dr. Cary Suter, M.D. for migraine headaches. I put great trust in him due to the fact that he was the medical schools doctor and was responsible for taking care of the students enrolled in the medical school programs. In a timeframe of 8 months I was prescribed 6,647 controlled substance pills. I had pills to help me stay awake and study, pills for helping me sleep, pills for anxiety, and pills for pain. I knew about addiction but I thought I was too intelligent to become addicted. Anyway, these pills were provided to me by the schools doctor who said he had taken pills when he was in medical school to help him succeed. My ignorance would cause me to lose almost a decade of my life and would bring me close to death many times as a result of my severe drug addiction. Although Dr. Suter lost his medical license for over prescribing controlled substances and not monitoring that prescribing, it was too late for me. I

had to drop out of my Ph.D. program due to my addiction. Dr. Suter lost his license 3 months after I dropped out of the program. At this point in my life, I had to confront and accept some very disturbing facts: I no longer was pursuing the goal I had been following for the past 15 years, I was severely addicted to prescription drugs, the doctor who had been prescribing me the drugs had his medical license revoked, and the main focus of my life was to obtain drugs. I was, in essence, trapped in the severity of my addiction. For the first time I had lost complete control over my life. My first of numerous addiction related detrimental events came when I was presenting a medical paper at a conference in Atlanta, Georgia. Before my lecture I forged a prescription on my computer and proceeded to the pharmacy to have it filled. Since the prescription was for Demerol, the pharmacy called the doctor and verified the prescription was forged. The police were waiting for me (at the conference lecture hall) to finish my lecture and when I did they handcuffed and arrested me. I was taken out in front of all my colleagues and conference members and taken to jail. Needless to say I was immediately fired from my job as a senior aerosol scientist for a prominent German company established in the United States. For many years I was doctor shopping. I would acquire my drugs in many ways: the internet, hospital emergency rooms, forged prescriptions, clinics, private doctors, and in other countries. I would stay employed by various companies because of my experience in respiratory medicine. But, I would ultimately get fired when my drug addiction interfered with the quality of my work. Eventually, word of my addiction became known to my colleagues and the respiratory medicine industry. From that point on, I was not called upon to lecture, to consult, or in any way work in the respiratory medicine industry. I was, for all intents and purposes, “blackballed” from my profession.

Shunned from my profession, disenchanted from my family and friends, and homeless, I fell into a deep depression. It was at this time that I wrote a suicide note and attempted to commit suicide. Over the next 9 years I would attempt suicide 1 more time, have 35 toxic overdoses, and 45 seizures. All of which brought me close to death each time. During the 9 years of my addiction, I would periodically give the rehabilitations a try. Nine times I made a serious effort to get sober. But, every time I would relapse within weeks of being discharged. After 9 years of being an addict, I completely surrendered to my disease and came to the understanding that my addiction was not going to be successfully addressed in weeks or even in a couple months of treatment. I realized that my recovery would require at least a year in a long term residential program where I could work on my addiction issues every day with no distractions. I found that in a year-long cognitive/behavioral rehabilitation program. This program not only worked on my addiction issues but also worked on my cognitive/behavioral issues that caused me to seek out the drugs. Currently, my life is finally in a direction I can be proud of. I graduated from a year-long in-patient residential cognitive/behavioral rehabilitation facility. My sobriety restored my clarity of thought and determination. Two attributes which were essential for completing my memoir. I believe I can inspire and educate others about addiction and recovery with my memoir. My future is completely open with possibilities. I do know that I am very thrilled and inspired living life as a sober individual since December 25, 2007. And, for the first the first time in over 9 years I have a sense of selfconfidence and respect for myself. This confidence reminds me that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to. For this reason, I have enrolled and been accepted to complete my doctorate in public health education.

It has been a long, arduous, and self-revealing journey through my 9 years of addiction to recovery. Unfortunately along the way I became deceitful, dishonest, unreliable, and untrustworthy. On the other hand I can proclaim that through my suffering and adversity came great rewards and prosperity. Today, I will continue to advocate for those affected by this disease of addiction. It is a passion and a pathway that I will pursue for the rest of my life. [email protected]

Patti Herndon at Remember that ‘self efficacy’ is the key to the change process, (addiction recovery). Remember that options in approach to recovery are the gateway to sustainable recovery -That holds true for any challenge. Remember that you are not, nor will ever be powerless in any addictionchallenge you experience…in the same way you are not “powerless” in any other kind of challenge you face in your life -Where’s your faith? Remember that freedom from addiction/the change process/recovery has less than nothing to do with believing or not believing “you are unique or special”. That’s folklore. Recovery has to do with your own belief that you are capable to problem solve for your own circumstances (self efficacy). Remember to use your own instincts about “any” advisements. Use of words such as “stupid” under the guise of “support and help” should raise a red flag about it’s merit as a sourceof ‘actual’ help and support. There simply is no excuse for stigma-inducing terms and language in the arena of recovery. Our society is evolving past the days of using terms like “addict”, “drunk”, “junky” “dry drunk” etc.. We are moving with increasing momentum in the recognition of neurobiological and psychological evidence-based, best practices in recovery. Thank God for that. Recovery happens…all the time. “God helps those who help themselves”. “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we can not see” Hebrews 11:1

Remember “Menu of Options”. One size does not fit all. http://smartrecovery.org/

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becca at Hi my names Becca, and I’m an alcoholic. My whole life had been surrounded by some sort of addiction. I was born in a family with an alcoholic/addict father. I thank god every day I have an amazing mother to overpower the pain I felt growing up without someone I had to call daddy. He left our family when I was only eight years old, leaving his daughter and son behind because getting drunk and high was more important. I never understood how someone could do that until the day I looked in the mirror and saw myself as him. I became the person I hated so much. This is my story; I had my first drink at the age of 13. I loved it; everything about it. And at first it was the solution to my depression and anxiety. I felt the most free I have ever felt; Like I was reborn. I found the magic in alcohol just from that first sip. I spent my high school career only caring about when I could drink next. I was obsessed with that next drink. Nothing else seemed to matter. The partying had gotten me into trouble at home which resulted in four hospitalizations and one arrest. I still didn’t learn my lesson though, I continued to drink. Even after smoking weed laced with PCP and ending up in the hospital, that didn’t stop me. The insanity of this disease is scary. I had no fear. When I graduated high school is when it started to go downhill. I jumped from relationship to relationship. I needed that validation because I hated myself; everything about myself. This ended me up in a few very abusive relationships. You know they say

“the person you date is the exact reflection of who you are and what you think you deserve.” My very last relationship was the worst. Drugs, alcohol and fighting consumed the entire thing. I loved him though, even with all the lies, the bruises, the fights, I loved the chaos. The lifestyle I had was nothing but abnormal, but it felt so right. Having no money due to our addiction, lead to us selling drugs. Whether it were my pills, or being the “middle man” in crack deals. The stress between us got too great and ended our relationship in one last fight. The scars left on my heart hurt more than the bruises he left all over my body. A quote that best describes this feeling is “it’s like you’re screaming, and no one can hear, you almost feel ashamed, that someone could be that important, that without them, you feel like nothing, no one will ever understand how much it hurts, you feel hopeless, like nothing can save you, and when it’s over, and it’s gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back, so that you could have the good.” When the relationship was over I went on a two month straight drinking binge. I would do anything for a bottle, whether I had to steal, pawn valuables, or have sex with a guy. I degraded myself just to feel ok, to stop the shaking. Just to hide the pain of what had happened to me. And every time I degraded myself it was another reason to drink. It was a vicious cycle. I felt trapped, lost, and broken. I’ve hurt a lot of people during those two months. I was walking through hell everyday but I was dragging the people who care right behind me. I’ve put my mother through unbearable pain. She never knew if she was going to get a phone call saying her only daughter is dead. The sad part of it is that I was praying and praying I would die. I put myself in situations where the possibilities of my life ending were great. I’ve come to near death experiences more times than I can count. Ranging from alcohol poisoning to drunk driving to getting involved with gang members. I didn’t value life anymore. I felt I had no reason to live. I couldn’t stop drinking on my own, it was nearly impossible. I ended up in two different rehabs from September to December. Relapse is a part of my story. This disease is very powerful, everyday I’m sober that monster is doing pushups, getting stronger, waiting for me to slip, so it can drag me back to hell. I have 33 days sober today. Today, even though most

days are beyond shitty and my emotions drown me, at moments I feel a genuine happiness that can’t be found in a bottle, a pill, or a guy. I feel grateful that I can look at myself in the mirror and say “I’m not a bad person.” I can’t change my past and no matter how dirty my past is, my future is absolutely spotless. I take it day by day and I do not drink no matter what. Addiction is what I have, NOT WHO I AM.