Let's Talk 1

SITUATION 1

Married to a Mama’s Boy

I heard my husband talking on the phone this morning. He said, ―Sure, Mom, it‘s OK…it will be just fine…no problem for us.‖ After he hung up, I asked him what that was all about, and he hit me with the news that it was his mom‘s turn to have the annual family party at her house, but she had volunteered our house for the occasion. I got really upset because he didn‘t even ask me— he just agreed to take it over without consulting me. Our house is small, but we have large porch and a pool. I know we will end up paying for all the food and drinks and nobody in his family will offer to lend a hand in the work involved before, during or after the party. I flew off the handle and told him I would go away for the weekend and he could handle the whole thing himself. He says I‘m overreacting because I hate his family, which is not true. He‘s got a couple of sisters I‘m not crazy about, but I don‘t hate them. I guess I‘m upset because he didn‘t consult me before agreeing to have the party at our place.

What Does It Mean? (1) mama‘s boy (2) he hit me with the news that (3) she had volunteered our house for the occasion (4) he just agreed to take it over without consulting me (5) we will end up paying for all the food and drinks (6) offer to lend a hand

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(7) I flew off the handle (8) I‘m overreacting (9) sisters I‘m not crazy about

Questions (1) What did the man and his mom talk about on the phone? (2) What did he agree to do? (3) Whose turn was it to hold the annual party? (4) Why did the wife get upset when she was told there would be a family party at her house? (5) Does she expect some help from family members in preparing the party? (6) When she became very angry, what did she tell her husband? (7) Does she hate her husband‘s family? (8) Does she like her husband‘s sisters?

Discussion Points (1) Do you think she should get angry because she wasn‘t consulted about the matter? (2) Do you think it‘s right for the wife to go away and let her husband handle the whole thing himself? (3) Do you think he is really a mama‘s boy? (4) Do you have to get a ‗yes‘ from your wife before you invite your friends over? (5) What subjects do you consult your wife about?

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Opinion Samples (1) He should have consulted his wife before making the commitment, but I don‘t think it‘s good to make a federal case out of it. The fat is in the fire. Anyway, now that the husband said yes to his mom the wife should respect his decision. By cooperating, she will save face for her husband and avert possible life-time resentment from his family. (2) He is definitely a mama‘s boy, but his mother is to blame in this case. His mother should have talked to her daughter-in-law before consulting her son since throwing a party is generally considered the wife‘s job. His wife‘s going away will serve as a serious warning to her husband and his family, and it will be good preventive medicine for possible unilateral decisions in the future. (3) Don‘t you think the husband has a right to decide on his own to have a family party? I don‘t understand what‘s wrong with that. Isn‘t it naturally for him to respect his mother‘s request? He shouldn‘t be considered a mama‘s boy simply because he honors mom‘s opinion. She‘s overreacting and making a fuss about nothing. (4) People have been talking about women who marry ―mama‘s boys.‖ Let‘s look at the other side of the coin. What about men who marry ―mama‘s girls?‖ I have been married for over 25 years, and my wife still has not untied the apron strings. I‘ve felt from the beginning that her mother is more important to her than I am. We have three children and they come ahead of me, too, so I guess you might say I am No. 5. I could tolerate coming after my kids, but playing second fiddle to my motherin-law really bother the chickens out of me. After 25 years, I admit I should be used to it, but I‘m tired of being treated like an outsider. I‘ll turn up the heat and make a genuine effort to improve my rating.

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SITUATION 2

Walk Your Own Way

I am 40 years old and have been on my own since age 17. I‘m a college graduate and have a promising career. Four years ago, while working overseas, I met a divorced woman with three children who was working at a minimum-wage job. I became very close to her and her children and helped support them. After coming home, I found myself missing her a great deal. I wrote her and asked her to marry me. She has accepted. Now I‘m scared to death. This is a commitment unlike any I‘ve ever made. When I told my family and friends, they were skeptical and not very supportive. They think the woman may be using me or that I may be confusing love with the feeling of being needed. I don‘t know how to respond to these comments. I‘ve never known love, so I don‘t know if I love her. I do know that I trust her and feel comfortable with her and something is missing when I‘m not with her. I‘ve never had these feelings about anyone else. Does that make it love?

What Does It Mean? (1) have been on my own since age 17 (2) a promising career (3) a minimum-wage job (4) I found myself missing her a great deal. (5) Now I‘m scared to death. (6) This is a commitment unlike any I‘ve ever made. (7) They think the woman may be using me.

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(8) I may be confusing love with the feeling needed. (9) something is missing when I‘m not with her

Questions (1) What kind of woman did he meet while working overseas? (2) Did she hold a prestigious job too? (3) What did he do when he became close to her and her children? (4) After coming home, what happened to him? (5) Who proposed first? (6) When he told his family and friends about the marriage, did they understand him? What did they say?

Discussion Points (1) What do you think he should do? (2) Do you think you could love a divorced woman with children? (3) If your family and friends were not supportive, what would you do if you wanted to marry a divorced woman? (4) If your son was in love with a divorced woman with children, and he wanted to marry her, would you say ―yes?‖ (5) If you married a divorced woman with children, would you have more children with her?

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Opinion Samples (1) He should walk his own way. First he should take the chill off his feet and stop looking to others for emotional support. Then he needs a positive attitude about his commitment. He must make up his mind that this relationship is going to enrich his life. But he should also be aware that even if life is a bowl of cherries, there are bound to be some pits. (2) We all understand that marriage is never the business of the married couple alone. To have a stable married life, support from family and friends is indispensable. In this case he thinks he loves her, but he can‘t deny his love comes from sympathy. And love based upon sympathy can‘t last forever.

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SITUATION 3

Childless Couple

There is nothing sadder than a childless couple. It breaks your heart to see them stretched out, relaxing around a swimming pool in Florida or California, suntanned and miserable on the deck of a boat, trotting off to enjoy Europe like lonesome fools—with money to spend, time to enjoy themselves and nothing to worry about. Childless couples become so selfish and wrapped up in their own concerns; you can‘t help but feel sorry for them. Everyone should have children. No one should be allowed to escape the wonderful experiences attached to each stage in the development of the young. The happy memories of those early years – saturated mattresses, waiting for sitters who don‘t show up, midnight asthma attacks, rushing to the hospital emergency room to get the kid‘s head stitched up. Children are worth every moment of anxiety, every sacrifice. You knew it the first time you took your son hunting. He didn‘t mean to shoot you in the leg. Remember how he cried? How sorry he was? How disappointed you weren‘t a deer? These are the memories a man treasures forever. Think back to that night of romantic adventure when your budding, beautiful daughter eloped with the village idiot. What childless couple can ever share in such a wonderful growing experience? Could a woman without children have the strength and heroism of your wife when she tried to fling herself out of the bedroom window? Only a father could have the courage to stand by - ready to jump after her. Childless couples live in a vacuum. They try to fill their lonely lives with dinner dates, theater, golf, tennis, swimming, civic affairs and trips all over the world. The emptiness of life without children is indescribable. See what the years have done. He looks boyish, underlined and rested. She is slim, well-groomed and youthful. It isn‘t natural. If they had kids, they‘d look like the rest of us - tired, gray, wrinkled and haggard. In other words, normal.

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What Does It Mean? (1) wrapped up in their own concerns (2) No one should be allowed to escape the wonderful experiences attached to each stage in the development of the young. (3) Children are worth every moment of anxiety, every sacrifice. (4) These are the memories a man treasures forever. (5) when your budding, beautiful daughter eloped with the village idiot (6) Childless couples live in a vacuum. (7) The emptiness of life without children is indescribable. (8) She is slim, well-groomed and youthful.

Questions (1) What does the writer think about childless couples? (2) Why does the writer think childless couples are selfish? (3) What are some of the wonderful experiences in bringing up children? (4) What do childless couples do to fill their loneliness? (5) If people have kids, how do they physically change as time goes by?

Discussion Points (1) Why do so many people want children? (2) Talk about the reasons some people don‘t want children. (3) How many children do you want to have? (4) If you had some difficulty in having babies, would you want to adopt?

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Opinion Samples (1) This article is really irritating. Don‘t assume that the decision not to have children is mainly due to an emotional deficiency resulting from a lack of affection from parents. Why must people assume there is something wrong with people who choose to be childless? Does someone have to be a little off in order to make this choice? Is someone a cold fish simply because he or she doesn‘t want kids? Nonsense. Even though people are childless they may be perfectly normal and quite content with their lives. And they can enjoy spending their leisure time with one another. (2) If I hadn't had children, I would probably have had more money and material things. I probably would have been to more places, gotten more sleep and pampered myself more. My life would have been more boring and predictable. As a result of being a parent, I have laughed harder and cried more often. I have worried more and hurried more. I‘ve had less sleep but somehow I‘ve had more fun. I‘ve learned more and grown more. My heart has ached harder, and I‘ve loved to a capacity beyond my imagination. I‘ve given more of myself, but I‘ve derived more meaning from life. (3) I believe many people have kids in order to look normal. Others are afraid of being lonely when they get on in years. Still others need something to brag about. Parenthood is an enormous responsibility. Being a parent means headaches and heartaches. Furthermore, there are no guarantees that children will bring happiness. Some people do not make suitable parents because they are unwilling to make sacrifices, which involve loss of personal freedom and sleepless nights, to say nothing of the money it takes to raise kids. I admit I don‘t want children, for all the reasons I‘ve mentioned. But I‘m a little afraid people will consider me a freak.

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(4) It is no longer a ―sin‖ not to want children. Our planet has become overpopulated, polluted, drug-crazy and crime-ridden. No matter where you look, there is a war someplace. No reason to bring children into a world like this. (5) You‘re obligated to have kids because your parents had you. You don‘t know what you‘re missing. Kids can bring enormous pleasure and may be the best part of your life. (6) It is very easy to cast judgment on others, but I suggest you “walk in their shoes.” The saddest part of my day is when I hear the endless complaints some people make about their children. This is the justice of it all: You are blessed with gifts from God—your children—yet you do nothing but complain of the responsibility, cost, problems, etc. you might just be raising children who will be childless by choice because of your actions as a parent.

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SITUATION 4

Household Chores

Yesterday I spent two hours cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom. After supper I said to my husband, ―Harry, let‘s wash the dishes before we go to bed so we can wake up to a beautiful clean kitchen.‖ He said, ―Fine.‖ Well, after supper we looked at TV for a while and I went to make a phone call. Next thing I knew Harry had gone to bed. I opened the bedroom door and said, ―Harry, what about the dishes?‖ He hollered, ―Get off my back. The world won‘t come to an end if you leave the dishes till tomorrow.‖ I was really steamed but decided not to make a big thing out of it. I taped a note to the bedroom mirror saying, ―Wake me when you get up and we‘ll do the supper dishes together before you go to work.‖ When I got up the next morning the note was gone and so was Harry. The kitchen was still a mess. I don‘t know whether to clean it up and pretend like nothing happened or drive like a mad woman to his office and dump the pots and pans on his desk. We both work full-time and he promised when we married that if I kept my job we would divvy up the housework 50-50. Well, it hasn‘t worked out that way.

What Does It Mean? (1) He hollered, ―get off my back.‖ (2) I was really steamed but decide not to make a big thing out of it. (3) The kitchen was still a mess. (4) we would divvy up the housework 50-50

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(5) it hasn‘t worked out that way

Questions (1) What did the writer do yesterday? (2) What did her husband promise to do after supper? (3) When she made a phone call, what did her husband do? (4) When she woke him up, what did he say? (5) What did she do last night instead of having a big argument with him? (6) What did her husband promise to do before they married?

Discussion Points (1) Do you think it is fair to divide housework 50-50 when both husband and wife work full-time? (2) If your wife had no outside job, what kind of housework do you think you should help her with? (3) Would you make your future husband promise to help you with housework after you get married? (4) If your husband breaks his promise, what would you do?

Opinion Samples (1) Many women who work outside the home still feel pressured or expected to do all the work at home because hubby refuses to help out. But as the number of working women is increasing, they naturally expect their husbands to help with the chores at home. Shopping, cooking, cleaning, doing dishes and laundry, and even child care must be equally shared. If not,

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wives outside work won‘t be able to balance their time between job and housework. Any wife who works outside has a perfect right to expect her husband to pinch in and help with the household chores. (2) Some people hold the following opinion: Even though a couple both work full-time and are equally tired when they get home, it is still her job to do the cooking, cleaning, laundry and child care. Why? Because he earns twice as much money as she does. She has to work at home to make up the difference. (3) Stay-at-home moms are mainly responsible for doing household. But bringhome-a-paycheck wives have a right to ask their husbands to share in the household chores equally. (4) I want to make sure that my responsibility is to bring home the paycheck, but everything else that needs to be done is my wife‘s responsibility. (5) I‘m a newlywed, working full-time, and my husband and I had been figuring out how to divide up the chores. He‘s in construction and doesn‘t have the energy to expend doing housework. We tried many different ways to divide the household chores fairly, but nothing seemed to work. He just doesn‘t like housework. I don‘t like it either and furthermore don‘t want to be burdened with all of it myself. It didn‘t seem fair that I had to do it all while working at my regular job, so we agreed to hire a maid to come in every two weeks. Although this was affordable, I got to thinking about why I resented doing the housework—it wasn‘t so much that I hated the chores, but that it wasn‘t my job. I already have a nine-to-five job. I thought that if I were being paid for the work, I would feel it was my job and then wouldn‘t mind it so much. The ―house account‖ now gives me $30 a week for my three hours of chores. I‘ve been doing this for six months now without complaint and love the extra spending money.

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SITUATION 5

Privacy

I am an executive in a company that has a large sales department. A few days ago, the wife of one of our top salesmen asked me to fire her husband! She said she had it on good authority that he was having an affair with a young secretary in the office. The wife said that if I thought her husband was too valuable to the company to let go, I should fire the girl. She said she was sure her husband could easily get another job if he was forced to, and the affair would cool off if they weren‘t working together. Should I get involved in the domestic problems of one of my salesmen? Or do you think if a man does his job well, what he does on his own is his own business?

What Does It Mean? (1) she had it on good authority (2) her husband was too valuable to the company to let go (3) the affair would cool off if they weren‘t working together (4) Should I get involved in the domestic problems (5) what he does on his own time is his own business?

Questions (1) What happened to the executive a few days ago? (2) What did the woman ask him to do? (3) Why didn‘t she worry about her husband‘s next job?

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(4) What would the wife expect if either her husband or the secretary were fired?

Discussion Points (1) Do you think the executive should butt in or stay out? (2) Whom would you fire, the man or the secretary? Why? (3) Do you think an inter-office love affair can be a good reason to be fired?

Opinion Samples (1) The executive should call the salesman in and tell him that word of his alleged hanky-panky with the secretary has reached the front office. And let him take it from there. A word to the wise should be sufficient. (2) This is too personal for a third party to intervene in under any circumstances. The executive has no right to meddle in his employees‘ private lives if he has no problem with their work for the company.

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SITUATION 6

Who Was Wrong

My ex-fiancé and I were madly in love. He asked me to marry him, I said yes, and he gave me a ring. Then his mother told him she would disown him if he married me. We saw each other behind his mother‘s back, then he left for Japan. (He‘s a U.S. marine.) Before he left he said he loved me, but he doesn‘t feel right going against his mother‘s wishes so I should forget him. Well, it‘s been six months and I haven‘t heard from him. His close friend, who is also a friend of mine, told me that he is trying to forget me. I tried to forget him too, but I can‘t. I‘d like to know who was wrong—he or his mother. Who caused my broken engagement, cancelled wedding, broken heart, and endless tears?

What Does It Mean? (1) she would disown him (2) We saw each other behind his mother‘s back (3) he doesn‘t feel right going against his mother‘s wishes

Questions (1) What‘s her ex-fiancé's job? (2) When she accepted his proposal, what did he give her? (3) After his mom objected to their marriage, how did they meet each other? (4) Before he left for Japan, what did he say to her? (5) Is she able to forget him?

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Discussion Points (1) Who do you think was wrong? (2) Would you say ―good-bye‖ to your girlfriend or boyfriend if your parents were against your marriage? (3) Do you think parents have a right to intervene in their child‘s marriage choice?

Opinion Samples (1) She would probably feel less hurt if she could blame his mother. But look at it this way: How stupid it would be to be married to a fellow who was old enough to be a Marine but had to date the girl he loves behind his mother‘s back! I really think she should forget him. He‘s not a man—he‘s just a mama‘s boy in a man’s uniform. (2) How can we just call him a mama‘s boy simply because he respects his mom‘s opinion? There might be some good reasons the mother was against the marriage. He is a young man and there might be many things he doesn‘t understand about marriage, so it is very natural for his mom to give him some advice. If he thinks his mom‘s advice is right and fair, then it is natural for him to follow it. He told her to forget him, and he might have gone to Japan to forget her.

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SITUATION 7

Free Labor

My husband has been in business for himself for 10 years. He hires extra help whenever he needs it and I work for him when he asks me to. The question we would both like settled is this: Is it proper for a man to pay his wife wages? My husband says no. He claims it‘s an insult to the relationship. I have three young children and I hesitate to take a full-time job outside the house, but it‘s humiliating not to have a dime to call my own. I feel that as long as I work for him and do a job that he would have pay an outsider for, he should pay me.

What Does It Mean? (1) we would both like settled (2) it‘s humiliating not to have a dime to call my own

Questions (1) How long has the husband operated his business? (2) What is the question they both want settled? (3) Does her husband pay her when she works for him? (4) What‘s the excuse her husband uses not to pay her? (5) Why does she hesitate to take a full-time job? (6) Why does she feel that she should be paid?

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Discussion Points (1) Is it proper for a man to pay his wife wages? (2) If your husband refused to pay you, would you stop working for him? (3) How much do you give your wife a month as an allowance?

Opinion Samples (1) In my opinion, it is a violation of the husband-wife relationship to pay a wife wages. It‘s an even greater insult, however, to expect a wife to walk around without a dime in her pocket. A woman should help her husband every way she can because she is part of the family team. A man should give his wife an allowance, for the same reason—whether she works in his business or not. (2) A husband should pay his wife for her work? Then, should he pay her every time he is served a meal, his shirt is washed? And how much should he pay her when his wife has a baby? Why do husbands work? They work for the welfare of the family, including his wife. And then, in addition, are they under an obligation to pay their wives? It‘s a double punishment, and it‘s not fair. According to the marriage vow, the couple has a moral obligation to help each other. So wives should be rewarded by other means, not direct payment.

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SITUATION 8

Is Money Proper Gift?

When my niece graduated from college recently I asked her mother for some gift suggestions. I was told, ―She wants money.‖ When we received a wedding invitation from a couple we watched grow up, I called both mothers and asked if there was something special that we might buy them. I got the same response, ―They want money.‖ Don‘t these people realize that the purpose of the gift is to commemorate an important milestone in their lives? I wanted to give the young couple something they would treasure forever. Am I hopelessly out of date? I have always felt that cash is what you give when you don‘t want to be bothered with shopping. Writing a check is a great deal than going from store to store looking for the gift that is just right. I refuse to give money and I resent being asked to help for a yuppie‘s Caribbean honeymoon.

What Does It Mean? (1) important milestone (2) Am I hopelessly out of date? (3) cash is what you give when you don‘t want to be bothered with shopping (4) I resent being asked to help pay for a yuppie‘s Caribbean honeymoon.

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Questions (1) What does the writer think is the purpose of a gift? (2) What kind of gift does the writer want to give? (3) When do people give cash as a gift? (4) What does the writer resent?

Discussion Points (1) What do you think about giving cash as a gift? (2) When do you give cash as a gift? (3) Why do some people think cash is not a proper gift? (4) Why do some people think cash is the best gift?

Opinion Samples (1) I think the view of the writer is not to the point. Money is an appropriate gift from parents or grandparents, but to suggest that other family members or friends write a check is crass. (2) The reason I don‘t want to give cash is that if I give people money and they spend it, then they forget my celebrating their special occasion. But if I give them some special gift, they cannot forget me as long as they keep it. (3) When my birthday comes along, a gift of cash looks good to me, an elderly woman. I defend gifts of cash. I am on Social Security, and when I get through the monthly bills, and I have no money left. I want to cry when I answer a knock on my door and see a messenger with one of those floral arrangements, which will be dead in a week. I can‘t eat it, wear it, or even find a room for it in my tiny apartment. Adding to our worldly goods is more a burden than a blessing.

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We senior citizens have plenty of time to shop, we adore bargains, and we don‘t need any necklaces, sexy nightgowns, perfumes or even magazine subscriptions. I‘d rather have a dollar bill than a useless gift worth 10 times that amount. (4) My son is getting married in six months to a lady who also has a fully equipped house. How can we suggest to their wedding guests that they need almost nothing, but are planning a tour to Europe next year, and cash gifts toward their trip would be very much appreciated? I think it‘s sinful that so many gifts are inappropriate, some are duplicates, and much time is spent shopping and wrapping, while the gifts themselves go into a closet to be used eventually as gifts for someone else! We should start a campaign to make checks socially acceptable as wedding gifts.

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SITUATION 9

Divorce

Once upon a time, there was a bright young man who wanted to become rich and successful. So he studied very hard in college, got an M.B.A., and went to work in a prestigious firm. Since most successful businessman in the land had beautiful wives, he went out and got himself one. He bought his Christina a lovely house in the suburbs. In return for beautiful clothes and elegant jewels, she was a dutiful wife who devoted herself to their children. She never saw much of her rich, successful husband, who worked long hours and stayed out late at night, sharing wine and expensive meals with potential clients in order to cultivate good connections. There were also rumors that he was seen dining with attractive women in the business world. Meanwhile, Christina was growing more lonely and disconnected. One day, after looking at the emptiness of her life, she decided to go back to college and get a career. After watching her husband, she knew she didn‘t want to be rich and successful. She was hungry for something much deeper and more meaningful. Something in Christina awakened as she gained new knowledge. And, one day in class, her eyes locked with those of a handsome man who was also looking for something that would give more meaning to his life. He was tired of the demands of the business world, and like our heroine, he wanted something deeper. After a year of contemplation, Christina divorced her husband (who to this day remains baffled but busy) and married the nice man in her class. He became a good stepfather to her children, who were delighted to have a man to spend time with, and he always came home from work in time for the family dinner. They weren‘t rich, but they lived happily ever after.

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What Does It Mean? (1) prestigious firm (2) potential clients (3) cultivate good connections (4) growing more lonely and disconnected (5) looking at the emptiness of her life (6) She was hungry for something much deeper and more meaningful (7) He was tired of the demands of the business world, and like our heroine, he wanted something deeper. (8) After a year of contemplation

Questions (1) What did Christina do in return for the beautiful clothes and elegant jewels? (2) Did Christina and her husband often enjoy themselves together? (3) While she was alone at home, what did her husband do? (4) After watching her husband, what did she want? (5) How long did she contemplate her divorce? (6) When she divorced the rich man and remarried the nice man, how did her children feel about the stepfather?

Discussion Points (1) When do you think of divorcing? Talk about situations in which you consider getting a divorce.

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(2) What are the reasons many people are reluctant to file for divorce, even though they feel they should? (3) Who is in a better position to take care of children when a couple gets divorced, the husband or the wife? (4) If your spouse had a love affair, would you file for a divorce or forgive him or her? (5) How could you tell that your spouse is having a love affair? (6) How can we reduce the number of divorces? (7) If one of your family members or friends were getting a divorce, would you simply ―butt out‖ or try to help save the marriage?

Opinion Samples (1) It is true that divorces are too easy to get. But the real problem is that it is too easy to get married. I don‘t understand why so many people are in such a hurry. Are they afraid that if they don‘t get married at once, the ―fish‖ will get away? I think if love is here to stay, it will be here today, tomorrow, next week, next month or even next year. If people took a little more time to get to know each other before they married, there wouldn‘t be so many divorces. There should be a law that makes it mandatory to be officially engaged for at least six months. That means a couple should apply for a marriage license, and if they are still together six months later they would be allowed to get married. This would certainly do a lot to knock down the horrendous number of divorces. I‘m speaking from experience. If I had had to wait six more months, I would never have gotten married and would have avoided a very nasty divorce. (2) My parents hated each other, but they stayed together because they are Catholic. I wished every day of my childhood that they would get a divorce so we could have some peace.

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They fought about anything and everything, and then they‘d take it out on us kids. They never hit each, but they beat the daylights out of us. I have scars from broken bones that were not properly set. My appendix ruptured because I was too scared to mention the pain. Today, my parents are still together—55 years of making each other miserable. I‘d like to tell parents everywhere—don‘t stay with a mate you despise for religious reasons or because splitting up would be hard on you financially. Your children would rather be poor and loved. (3) There should be one question for women who are in unhappy marriages: Are you better off WITH him or WITHOUT him? No woman should stay with a man who is involved with drugs or who is physically violent. She could end up dead. On the other hand, a woman who has no marketable skills and perhaps four children under 10 should not rush to divorce court just because her husband doesn’t pay enough attention to her. (4) I don‘t regret my divorce. It is the marriage that I regret. My parents split when I was 27. I only wish they had done it sooner. Children are NOT victims of divorce; they are victims of unhappy relationships. (5) Why so many divorces? I believe it is the yuppie mentality at work—the concept that there is something newer and better just around the corner. We trade in people like cars these days. Most marriages today fall apart because the wife has to compete with the women in the workplace. My husband always left the house in the morning looking and smelling better than he ever did at home. Of course, the inevitable happened. Am I glad I‘m divorced? Yes. Life with a cheater is hell. (6) I‘m sorry I divorced. The worst pain of my life was seeing a picture of my children with their dad‘s other family. I suddenly realized that my kids had a whole other life, and I wasn‘t part of it. I was heartsick. (7) After 25 years of marriage, my husband and I are getting a divorce. This decision was not made lightly. We both gave it plenty of thought.

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We have raised two lovely daughters of whom we are very proud, and while this is a sad time for them, they realized long ago that ours was not the perfect marriage. We have spent hours with marriage counselors and lived in separate dwellings on more than one occasion. It hasn‘t all been bad or we wouldn‘t have stayed together for 25 years. In fact, we have enjoyed many good times, which will be locked in our hearts forever. It‘s just time to move on. Unfortunately, our extended family seems to think divorces have to be all the ugly they‘ve heard them to be, and they are already saying their ―good-byes‖— as if the funeral were tomorrow! Through all of this, my husband and I have remained friends, and we intend to stay that way if we can. We are still sleeping in the same bed, and we will until our house is sold. I want people to know that if the separating parties can make the best of it, everybody else should butt out. It‘s hard enough being treated like outcasts from the family even before the papers are signed. (8) Marriage is a contract where both parties pledge themselves ―till death do us part.‖ In many ceremonies, the attending guests act as witnesses and are given a charge to do all they can to support the marriage. Family and friends are to call the couple into accountability to keep the holy vows they have taken. The breakup of a marriage is not just a matter for a couple; it‘s for family and friends, and our whole society. For society to continue to function, we need to remind one another of our obligations, and encourage and support one another as much as we can. I insist that friends and family have the courage to speak up. This is not “butting in.” It‘s their duty! (9) A couple divorcing after many years of marriage should know each other very well. And who, other than they, can know the amount of pain and misery they may have endured in their marriage?

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I recommend people to ―butt out.‖ While divorce is never a picnic, it‘s preferable to living out one‘s years in a loveless marriage, or even worse, having it end in a homicide or suicide. (10)The good news is that human beings are designed to fall in love. The bad news is that they aren‘t designed to stay that way. According to evolutionary psychology, it‘s ―natural‖ for both men and women—at some time, under some circumstances—to commit adultery or to sour on a mate, to suddenly find a spouse unattractive, irritating, wholly unreasonable. It may even be natural to become irritating and wholly unreasonable oneself, and thus hasten the departure of a mate one has soured on. It is similarly natural to find some attractive alternative, superior on all counts to the sorry wreck of a spouse one is saddled with. When you see a couple celebrate a golden anniversary, one apt reaction is the famous remark about a dog walking on two legs: the point is not that the feat was done well but that it was done at all.

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SITUATION 10

Nagging Wife

[A] I have been married for 43 years and have four children. I still hope I can save my marriage. I love my wife very much, but I‘m about ready to give up. She is forever nagging me about something—my shoes need shining, my tie is wrong, my socks don‘t match, my hair is too long (or too short), I slurp my soup, I‘m driving too fast or too slow, I need to lose weight, I laugh too loudly. There is no end to it. She nags me constantly and does the same to our children. I‘m sure that‘s why two of the kids ran off and got married. Not long ago I had a heart attack, and my wife really helped in my recovery. If not for her nagging, she‘d be a perfect wife.

[B] Show me a nagging wife, and I will show you a husband who will not listen. I‘ve been trying my best to help my slob of a husband all these years, and I haven‘t given up on him yet. If a wife didn‘t care about her husband, she wouldn't bother to nag. It would be easier if we nagging wives saved our breath, but if we did, the stubborn, hard-headed jackasses we are married to would not be able to hold down a job or fit into decent society. If I didn‘t keep after mine constantly, he would never take a shower or change his socks.

What Does It Mean? (1) I slurp my soup (2) slob of a husband

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(3) If a wife didn‘t care about her husband, she wouldn‘t bother to nag. (4) It would be easier if we nagging wives saved out breath (5) hard-headed jackasses (6) fit into decent society

Questions [A] (1) Why is the man willing to give up his marriage? (2) What does his wife nag him about? (3) Does she nag her children too? (4) Why did her two children get married? (5) Is there any other complaint about his wife except her nagging? [B] (1) Does the woman think nagging wives love their spouses? (2) What does she think is the main reason wives nag?

Discussion Points (1) Do you think that subjects such as hair styles, driving habits, laughing, and weight control should be cause for nagging or are they just private matters? (2) Talk about the ways you keep your wife from nagging you. (3) Are there any husbands who nag their wives? (4) Is there any difference between a wife‘s nagging and a husband‘s nagging?

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Opinion Samples (1)Chronic will not change. Almost always, the nagging has less to do with the inadequacies of others than discontentment with themselves. Once this is understood, life can become a lot more bearable. (2) The man who feels he is being nagged will tune his wife out. This means she has lost her audience. The wise woman ―suggests,‖ and if she‘s really clever, she makes him think it was his idea.

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SITUATION 11

Age Difference

There‘s this guy at work I really like very much and I think he likes me too. We go to lunch together, jog after work, and go to dinner together. We have also gone shopping and we share other chores and errands. The only thing that is marring all this is the fact that he‘s 28 and I am 44. He has asked me to go to the movies many times, but I hesitate. I‘ve already been invited to his apartment once, and we talk on the telephone for hours. This is the first time I‘ve ever dated a man so much younger than I, and this relationship has developed into a serious love affair. I feel terrible, but I really feel younger when I‘m with him. A lot of people have criticized me about this relationship.

What Does It Mean? (1) The only thing that is marring all this

Questions (1) How do they get along? (2) Is this the first time she has dated men younger than she is? (3) What has their relationship turned into? (4) What is the only thing that disturbs her? (5) How does she feel when she is with him? (6) Have many people encouraged her to go out with him?

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Discussion Points (1) Do you think an age difference between a man and a woman matters in a marriage? (2) What would you say if your son were getting married to a much older woman? (3) What would say if your daughter were getting married to a much older man, who has a lot of money and a prestigious job? (4) Are you concerned about what other people think about your marriage, or don‘t you care?

Opinion Samples (1) I think she need not worry about the critical comments. We often hear about couples with wide age spreads who find a lifetime of happiness together. Age doesn‘t mean a thing these days. (2) Many people tend to underestimate the age difference in marriage by saying love is everything. Do you really think so? Marriage means more than love. Marriage without family understanding or approval can‘t last long. If there is a wide age spread, one partner is getting too old while the other still looks young, and the younger one is easily tempted into affairs. Besides, people‘s attitude toward each other cools down in time. All this will contribute to their relationship breaking up.

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SITUATION 12

Married Vs. Single

Why do so many people assume that all single people are lonely? This really gets my hackles up. I have been unmarried all my life and I wouldn‘t have it any other way. I‘ve seen a number of those so-called wonderful marriages, and all I have to say is, ―No, thank you.‖ Married people must account to one another for every living minute. Each has the right to know where the other is at all times, how much money he or she spends and on what? Marriage demands that everything be shared. Once you are married there is no such thing as ―mine.‖ It‘s all ―ours.‖ I enjoy coming home at night to a quiet, serene house where I can relax. I see and listen to people all day. I don‘t need to hear any more voices. If I want to talk, there is the telephone. If I want company I have plenty of neighbors and friends. But it‘s my choice. I know married women who are lonely as hell, not to mention the ones who are stuck with alcoholics, gamblers, skirt-chasers and sex-maniacs. Surely others must see this, too. I am puzzled as to why so many single women think they are missing so much. Maybe it‘s because people have a tendency to long for what they don‘t have instead of counting their blessings.

What Does It Mean? (1) assume (2) This really gets my hackles up. (3) Married people must account to one another for every living minute. (4) But it‘s my choice.

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(5) skirt-chasers (6) People have a tendency to long for what they don‘t have instead of counting their blessings

Questions (1) What kind of prejudice do people generally have about single people? (2) What does the writer illustrate as married people‘s obligations? (3) What kind of freedom does the writer think single people enjoy? (4) What is the writer puzzled about? (5) Why do single people think they are missing so much?

Discussion Points (1) Will you marry or remain single? (2) What do you think about people staying unmarried? (3) Talk about the good things and bad things about marriage? (4) Do you think unmarried people are an ―odd‖, ―strange‖ breed?

Opinion Samples (1) I think marriage is hell for both man and woman. But almost always the wife has more responsibility for the children, the home, the dog, and her job, and she is the central emotional prop of the entire family. As if this weren‘t enough, she has to put up with in-laws, her husband‘s obnoxious buddies, and his character and personality flaws that he works overtime to conceal from others. On the other hand, the man also has to pay a high price; he is responsible for the family‘s bread and butter. He is always under his wife‘s scrutiny, which limits

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his freedom. I don‘t understand why people have to live with these burdens. Being single is the best way to enjoy our lives. (2) I‘m married because that is probably the best thing for me especially because of the stability of the relationship. I want and need the warmth and comfort of relationships—a home around me. The communicating, growing together, working on problems, enjoying things, nurturing—and receiving. I have been married twenty-eight years and I like it. I like the familiarity, the friendship, having someone special to love. It‘s fun, healthful, and keeps things in perspective. It softens difficult times. It is nice to be wanted and needed. I like marriage. I need and depend upon a wife, good or bad. I love being married. Having a life partner is exciting, fulfilling and comforting. My wife is my backbone in my business. She takes care of everyday problems that I don‘t want to handle. She is a very good mother to my children, even though she does not turn me on sexually anymore. Having people around that love you is a very secure feeling. I love my wife and children and they love me. Home serves as a secure base of operations, a place where I can be me, where I can always come back to, and where I can share my successes and failures. Of course, it‘s a give-and-take process, and much of the responsibility on my part is listening to my wife also. Marriage is the best arrangement for maintaining security, sanity, child raising, and economic well-being. (3) There is nothing sadder than an unmarried woman. It breaks my heart to see her strolling through the shopping malls, miserably buying exactly what she likes. It‘s an empty life spending her money and her time as she chooses without worrying what anyone else thinks, needs or wants. Single women are so wrapped up in themselves, one has to feel sorry for them. They don‘t have to check with anyone if they decide to see a movie instead of coming home for dinner. They don‘t fight with anyone over bills, the color of

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the living room, carpet, or at whose house they‘ll spend the holidays. It‘s a pretty pathetic picture. Everyone should be married. No one should be allowed to escape this wonderful experience with its various adjustments. (4) Our society exerts enormous pressure on both men and women to ―get married and live happily ever after.‖ Some employers insist on it; they run advertisements which specifically state ―Only married men need apply.‖ The implication is that married men are more reliable than single men. But are they? Well, some are and some aren‘t. Relatives often view the unmarried member of the family as the odd one. Parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins by the dozen, are forever looking for ―a nice girl.‖ Well-meaning friends never give up trying to put the singleton in double harness. Some singles need and appreciate a friendly assist, but it‘s a safe bet that when a man reaches the middle thirties without a trace of rice in his hair, he‘s better off single. I don‘t believe that marriage is good for everyone. Some people should go it alone. I call them non-marriageable and they arrange themselves into distinct categories. The most obvious non-marriageable personality is the adult who can‘t cut loose from his family. This apron-string type is most frequently a male. Every community, no matter how small, has at least one. He is attractive, intelligent, successful, and considered ―very eligible.‖ He often dates a lovely woman for several years and tells all within hearing distance that he‘d like to marry her some day, but for all kinds of complicated reasons he must wait. Put all his reasons together and they spell MOTHER. The non-marriageable men who possess excessively aggressive characteristics are the compulsive workers or the money grabbers. The compulsive worker can be a scientist, a newspaper editor, a politician, or an artist, but usually he‘s a businessman. He eats, sleeps, and dreams his career. It is not money that motivates him; in fact he frequently passes up more lucrative opportunities to stay with the work he loves. He would rather work than eat or sleep, and often

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this is precisely what he does. Such a man is better off single. He contributes to marriage, and it is difficult for any wife to settle for the crumbs. The money grabber can often fool a woman. She is deluded into thinking he‘ll make a good husband because he is obviously headed for financial success. He‘s dynamic, aggressive, indefatigable and imaginative, all fine qualities. But they can be destructive when not balanced by a decent set of values. The most easily recognized non-marriageable female is the wildly competitive type. The competitive woman is usually successful in business or a profession. She is competent, aggressive, driven and domineering. Her theme song is ―Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better.‖ She hails the taxi, orders the dinner, finishes the man‘s sentences for him and wants to lead on the dance floor. She pours a great deal of her energy into her work and finds her major satisfaction in the feeling of importance that it gives her. She makes a lovely dinner companion but a horrible wife. To her a man is an audience, a whipping boy, an object of her hostility, and sometimes a willing slave.

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SITUATION 13

Should I Dump Him?

I am a 17-year-old virgin. I‘ve been going with this guy for two and a half years, and he‘s always trying to push me into having sex. The problem is, I‘m not ready for that yet. He keeps saying that if I don‘t have sex with him, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. I really like him, and I enjoy hugging, kissing and holding hands. I‘m not a tease. I want to wait until I get married to have that special night. And since it can happen only once (the first night), I want it to be special. But he doesn‘t want to wait.

What Does It Mean? (1) There are plenty of other fish in the sea (2) I‘m not a tease.

Questions (1) How long have they been dating? (2) What is pushing her for?

Discussion Points (1) Do you think a woman should keep their virginity until she marries? What about the man‘s virginity? (2) Do you think it is natural for him to want sex if both of them are in love?

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(3) What do you think about his intimidating statement? (4) What should she do?

Opinion Samples (1) The tide flows both ways. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. She should dump him. (2) If they are really in love, I think they can sleep together. She enjoys hugging, kissing, and holding hands, so there is no reason to make him fret. But there is one thing she must remember; she must not regret it if she has no choice but to cave in. Some men tend to run away when they notice there is nothing new in sex with their partners. (3) Sex is purely physical. Love is emotional, spiritual, and physical. You must touch minds as well as bodies if your relationship is to be fulfilling and meaningful. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It must take root and grow one day at a time. Those who indulge in sex for sheer excitement and physical pleasure get exactly what they bargained for, and nothing more. They are still young so she should keep telling him to behave himself. (4) She has kept him in line for two and a half years and I think that‘s long enough. She has proven she is a nice girl and now she can be normal and stop acting like Queen Victoria. The hard-to-get routine is all right for a while, but she is overdoing it.

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SITUATION 14

Woman’s Business Card in His Wallet

I have been living with a man for over a year and we get along very well. Recently, ―Roger‖ took a nap (Sunday afternoon) and I decided to look through his wallet just for the fun of it. To my great surprise, I found a woman‘s business card with a notation on the back saying when and where he had met her. Of course I know it was wrong to snoop and now I am paying the price. I haven‘t had one good night‘s sleep since I did that awful deed. I keep wondering who this woman is and what kind of relationship he has with her. It could be something big or it could be nothing at all. I can‘t tell Roger that I went through his wallet. He would never trust me again. But I‘m dying to know what is going on—if anything. What should I do? Should I contact this woman and ask her point blank? Or should I just come right out and ask Roger if he is seeing someone?

What Does It Mean? (1) It was wrong to snoop (2) now I‘m paying the price. (3) It could be something big or it could be nothing at all. (4) ask her point blank (5) Should I just come right out? (6) if he is seeing someone

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Questions (1) What caused the woman to look through his wallet? (2) What did she find? (3) What was there on the back of the business card? (4) Does she think it was okay for her to look through his wallet? (5) What has happened to her since she searched in his wallet? (6) Why can‘t she tell Roger about the card? (7) What does she want to know?

Discussion Points (1) Is it okay for her to tell him that she looked through his wallet and found a woman‘s business card? (2) What do you think about her contacting the woman on the card? (3) Have you ever thought about searching your sweetheart‘s wallet? (4) If you knew your sweetheart looked through your wallet while you were sleeping, how would you feel and what would you do?

Opinion Samples (1) Under no circumstance should she contact the woman. That would be the dumbest move she could make. And she shouldn‘t ask Roger about the card, either. That would be the second dumbest move. It is better to forget she saw the card and carry on as before. If there is something going on, she will know it eventually. Meanwhile, I hope she had learned her lesson. (2) First she must apologize for searching in his wallet. But since they are in love, she‘d better ask about the woman on the card. Asking about the woman doesn‘t

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necessarily mean she suspects him of cheating on her. If he is having an affair with the woman, she should reconsider her relationship with him. And if his relationship with the woman is nothing to worry about, it will be a relief to her. Truth is always the best option.

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SITUATION 15

Is That an Appropriate Punishment?

I have a comment concerning a school teacher who caught two girls ―cheating.‖ One girl (a good student) was caught giving another girl (a poor student) the answers during a final exam. The teacher gave both girls an F on the test as punishment. The good student complained because it brought her grade-point average down from an A to a C. I‘m not defending the student who ―helped‖ the other one, but I think the punishment was inappropriate. Grades should reflect the student‘s knowledge – not behavior. The teacher was well aware of which student earned the A, and he had no right to deprive her of it. However, the other student would probably have earned an F anyway. Hence, she suffered no bad consequences. Grades should never be used as punishment or reward for behavior. There are other methods.

What Does It Mean? (1) cheating (2) I‘m not defending the student who ―helped‖ the other one

Questions (1) Why did the two girls get an F on the test? (2) What happened to the good student‘s grade-point average after she got F? (3) What does the writer think about the punishment?

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(4) What does the writer think a test should demonstrate?

Discussion Points (1) Do you think grades should be used as punishment or reward, or should grades simply reflect a student‘s scholastic performance? (2) What would a better way to punish these two girls be? (3) What do you think is the best way to prevent students from cheating?

Opinion Samples (1) Every student should have the duty to preserve his integrity, and if teachers think he has broken school rules he deserves being deprived of some rights or privileges. Even though the girl was a good student she disregarded the intended purpose of the test and the teacher‘s authority as well. All grades should be matched with moral integrity. Teachers have a right to flunk her if there is evidence of cheating. If other means of punishment were used against cheating on an exam, cheating would become widespread, with no fear of being flunked. (2) If we permit the teachers to give ―personal‖ grades, we would soon become appalled at their abusive actions. Punishing bad behavior only means personal revenge based on private judgment. All punishments must be verified as being both justified and corresponding properly to the undesirable behavior.

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SITUATION 16

Men Going to Topless Bars

Why do men go to topless (and in some cases bottomless) bars? The man I have been seeing for the last six months is basically a nice guy. I‘m an attractive 27-year-old woman. He‘s 31 and we have a great relationship emotionally, physically, etc. We seem perfect for each other. What bothers me is that he goes to these places during working hours, but only drinks coffee there. He is a police officer. He never goes to these places when he‘s off-duty. It makes me feel like I‘m not good enough. He says that‘s not it – I‘m fine, and he doesn‘t compare me to those topless girls. Why do men go to those places? And should I let it bother me?

What Does It Mean? (1) topless (and in some cases bottomless) bars (2) when he‘s off-duty (3) It makes me feel like I‘m not good enough

Questions (1) How long have the two people been seeing each other? (2) How is their relationship going? (3) What is his job? (4) Does he go to topless bars when off duty? (5) How does she feel about his going to topless bars? 46 | P a g e

(6) Does he go there because she is not good enough? (7) Does he compare her to the topless girls?

Discussion Points (1) Do you think men who go to topless bars have some psychological problem? (2) What do you think are the reasons men go to topless bars? (3) If your sweetheart went to a topless bar, what would you do?

Opinion Samples (1) Men go to topless bars because most men like to look. So do some women. Why should she let it bother her? It‘s very natural for men to do so, and it should cause no problem if she knows he‘s going there. Her boyfriend is honest, and the fact that he doesn‘t compare her with the other girls means he goes there just for fun, as many men do. (2) He‘s going to topless bars definitely shows a vulgar personality. If he goes there regularly, it also proves he has some psychological problem.

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SITUATION 17

Can You Please Put Out Your Cigarette?

[A] ―Excuse me? Can you please put out your cigarette? You are disturbing me.‖ Nowadays France and other nations are imposing no-smoking curbs that restrict smoking in most public places. As antismoking campaigns in the U.S. and Singapore have demonstrated, tough laws and peer pressure can fast reduce the smoker from being a sophisticate to being a social pariah. Throughout Europe and Asia, a growing body of laws, policies, and guidelines is confining smokers to ever-smaller zones. France has prohibited all tobacco advertising. And in the developing countries of Asia, a mounting awareness of the ill defects of smoking is prodding governments to act. Not surprisingly, Singapore is striving to become the world‘s first smoke-free city. In this socially engineered mini state, where smoking has been under assault for two decades, cigarettes are strictly banned in nearly every public place, vending machines are outlawed, and tobacco companies are not allowed to sponsor public events. As the economies of other Asian nations thrive, citizens are paying more attention to their health and pushing for tougher smoking restrictions. Even China, the world‘s largest producer and consumer of tobacco, now restricts smoking in public places and bans cigarette advertising. None of this means that smokers need to fear extinction anytime soon. Cigarettes are still highly profitable, as the governments of France, Italy, and Japan know, since they monopolize or control state tobacco industries. U.S. tobacco companies are making up for dwindling domestic sales by expanding sales abroad. Asian health officials complain that the influx of fancy foreign brands hurts their efforts to control the habit, particularly among the young.

[B] Quitting is generally something to celebrate, but for many ex-smokers there is a heavy price to pay on the scales. A study by the U.S. Center for Disease Control

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confirmed what many former smokers have learned from experience: Americans who swear off smoking can expect to gain weight—an average of 3.8 kg for women, 2.8 kg for men. More disturbing is the finding is the finding that 1 in 8 women who quit—and 1in 10 male quitters—add a hefty 13 kg or more, while continuing smokers tend to gain much less. Health officials are concerned that the desire to stay slim may contribute to the high rate of smoking among the American teenage girls, who tend to take up the habit at a younger age than boys. The American Journal of Public Health has reported that more than twice as many adolescent girls as boys said they were worried about gaining weight if they quit smoking. Naturally, cigarette companies capitalize on such fears. Unfortunately, doctors note, even modest weight gains can loom large for women: a gain of 3.8 kg, for instance, can translate into a different dress size; for men it may mean only letting the belt out a notch.

What Does It Mean? (1) no-smoking curbs (2) peer pressure (3) a mounting awareness of the ill effects of smoking is prodding governments to act (4) vending machines are outlawed (5) U.S. tobacco companies are making up for dwindling domestic sales by expanding sales abroad. (6) fancy foreign brands (7) a heavy price to pay on the scales. (8) Swear off smoking (9) the desire to stay slim may contribute to the high rate of smoking among American teenage girls 49 | P a g e

(10) cigarette companies capitalize on such fears

Questions [A] (1) Which country has banned all tobacco advertisements? (2) Which country has outlawed cigarette vending machines? (3) What is the main reason many Asian developing countries are mounting pressures on smokers? (4) But smokers still don‘t have to worry about extinction anytime soon. Why not? (5) How do the U.S. tobacco companies cope with declining domestic sales? [B] (1) How much average weight gain may ex-smokers expect? (2) Are the weight gains as serious as ex-smokers imagine?

Discussion Points (1) Do you agree that all public places, such as restaurants, should be declared nonsmoking areas? (2) Is it OK to impose drastic tax increases on cigarettes, which naturally leads to price increases? (3) Do you think cigarette vending machines should be outlawed since they give children easy access to tobacco products? (4) You know smoking can cause numerous kinds of disease, such as lung cancer. So do you think it is fair to make smokers pay higher health insurance premiums? (5) Do you think it‘s OK if non-smokers are given an employment advantage?

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(6) Do you think a spouse should have the right to file divorce in case he (or she) or the children are disturbed by secondhand smoke? (7) What do you think about a total ban on tobacco advertising? (8) What do you think about putting stronger warning labels on cigarette packs, such as running a before-and-after picture of a once-beautiful woman vomiting and bald from radiation therapy for her cancer? (9) If your boyfriend or girlfriend were a chain smoker, would you marry him or her? (10)

Do you think parents have the right to tell children to stop smoking?

(11) What do you think is the most polite and least offensive way of asking someone to extinguish a cigarette on your presence? (12)

What do you think is the best way to quit smoking?

(13)

What do you think about making smoking illegal?

(14)

If your child asks you for permission to smoke, what would you do?

(15)

Are there any good ways to deter youngsters from touching cigarettes?

Opinion Samples (1) I quit smoking 12 years ago—cold turkey. I‘m tired of those crybabies who say they can‘t quit. There are only two things required to quit smoking—a sincere desire to quit, and never putting another cigarette in your mouth. People who say they want to quit but keep smoking are lying to themselves. They really don‘t want to quit. Please, notice that I use the term ―quit‖—not ‗‘stop.‖ When you quit, it‘s over. When you merely stop, you usually start again. This may sound like semantics, but it helps to keep things in perspective. (2) Many youngsters seem convinced that smoking makes them look more sophisticated and helps them stay thin. But they never seem concerned about what it might do to their health. Smoking doesn‘t keep thin, and their persistent

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coughs and the wrinkles around their mouth doesn‘t make them look very sophisticated. They are just potential cancer-fighting patients in the future. Most teenagers don‘t give a thought to long-term effects. It‘s the parents‘ responsibility to lay down the law, and those who don‘t fail their children badly. (3) Millions of people who consider themselves non-smokers should think again. If they allow smoking in their homes, they are smokers whether they like it or not. I have never smoked, but I have been exposed to secondhand smoke since early childhood. Last fall I was diagnosed with lung cancer. I had major surgery followed by five horrific months of chemotherapy. My weight dropped to 92 pounds. I lost all my hair, had hallucinations and nightmares, and wanted to die. To have gone through all this hell when I‘ve never smoked a cigarette has made me very bitter. I experienced no symptoms. My cancer was discovered during a routine medical examination. Several weeks ago I was told to get my life in order because there isn't much time left. I‘m the mother of two young children and I don‘t deserve to die this way because I have never smoked—at least that‘s what I thought. (4) My present predicament is that I met a wonderful man who wants to marry me. I would marry him in a minute, but there‘s a problem: He‘s a heavy smoker. He has asthma and bronchitis, and when he lights up he coughs, which makes me cringe. He keeps saying he‘s going to quit, but he‘s still smoking. I feel as though he‘s killing himself, and there‘s nothing I can do about it. Should I continue to see him and hope he‘ll quit smoking? Or should I go on like this and fall more deeply in love with him, only to watch him die an agonizing death from lung cancer? He‘s 54. So far I’m distancing myself from him until I know what to do. He‘s always saying that not everybody who smokes gets lung cancer. (5) I was a closet smoker who went through a pack a day for 20 years and tried to quit dozens of times. I failed because I felt I was depriving myself of a great deal of pleasure, even though I knew in my heart that cigarettes were killing me.

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What I was really experiencing was a healing crisis. Those withdrawal symptoms were just the way my body purged itself of the toxins that had built u over two decades of addiction. Each crisis lasted only about 30 seconds—just long enough to pull out a cigarette, light it and take a couple of drags. I decided to change my attitude and do something good for myself in those 30 seconds. I did 20 push-ups and occupied my hands and my mind during the crisis periods. The result? I developed a great set of pecs and haven't touched a cigarette in over four years. When it comes to self-control I am at the bottom of the heap. If it worked for me, it can work for you. (6) I know there are some people crying out to make smoking illegal. If that‘s the case, why don‘t we just declare all the things that some people consider undesirable to be illegal? The first thing that comes to mind is alcohol. It certainly harms far more people than smoking and in more serious ways. If we look at the damage done by drunk drivers alone, smoking, by comparison, doesn‘t make a dent. Let‘s ban, sex, too, while we’re at it. Lord knows, sex can be hazardous to a person‘s health, what with all the diseases it can spread and the billions of dollars it costs our nation. Sex can be hazardous even if one doesn‘t get a disease. Consider the fact that sex can result in children, who sometimes turn out to be very expensive to their parents as well as harmful to parents‘ mental health. Just the anxiety of taking care of children could cause parents to smoke and drink. Where do you draw the line? Do we really want to live under dictatorship? (7) I have an answer for the smokers who keep whining because they‘re treated like second-class citizens. Now you know how it feels! I‘m 40 years old and for 30 years I was considered a whiner because I didn‘t like smokes in restaurants, other people‘s homes, the teachers‘ lounge at school, and blowing in my face at the ballpark. Their attitude was, ―If you don‘t like it—move!‖

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Now that smoking is being banned from public buildings, vehicles and restaurants, it is the smokers who are complaining.

Smokers who are trying to quit have my sympathy. Smoking is one of the hardest addictions to kick. But now they can shiver outside the office building, get wet in the rain while huddling under the overhang, and fidget on the airplane. It‘s my turn guys. (8) If my daughter never gave me a Christmas, birthday or Mother‘s Day present ever again, it wouldn‘t matter. She and her brother, Bill, gave me the greatest gift of all. When they were nine and 10, they began seeing TV ads about the dangers of smoking. They would take our cigarette packs, their dad‘s and mine, and hide them in a cookie jar or some other unlikely place. They made drawings of skulls and crossbones with captions such as, ―Please, Mom, STOP SMOKING, please.‖ We thought it was cute at first but soon discovered they were dead serious. Finally, we made an agreement. If we stopped, they would never start. It is still a true and lasting gift of love for 26 years later. (9) If the government wanted a really effective health warning on cigarettes, it would place the following message on cigarette packs: ―Warning: Smoking can reduce the enjoyment and frequency of sexual activity.‖ (10) If my child asks me for permission to smoke, I will take a different approach and ask him or her to do some research on the effects of smoking and then write an essay accompanied by photographs. This will be a fine example of parents teaching kids decision-making skills, instead of forbidding something they believe to be destructive. It includes four steps. First, identify the problem. Second, look at the alternatives. Some people say adults— parents and teachers—should simply tell the students what the right decision is—in other words, forbid them to smoke, use drugs or be sexually active. In my opinion, giving them the opportunity to make their own choice is a much more desirable approach.

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(11) I had a dream that was so vivid and so frightening that when I woke up, tears were streaming down my face. I knew I must stop my self-destructive habit once and for all. I dreamed I was in a hospital dying of lung cancer and my little boy (who was two at that time) was standing by the bed crying, ―Don‘t leave me, Mommy!‖ That was enough for me. It wasn‘t easy, because nicotine is as powerful and addictive as heroin. But I did it, cold turkey, and since that day, I have never smoked another cigarette. If you can‘t quit for yourself, quit for those who love you.

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SITUATION 18

Lovers’ Quarrel

I recently broke up with a young woman I truly loved. She told me she loved me, too, and we even spoke of marriage. (We are both 21.) The reason for our breakup was that she wanted to continue going out with her ―guy friend.‖ I told her I would like to meet these ―guy friends‖ – and perhaps they could become ―our friends.‖ One of these guys was her ex-boyfriend whom she nearly married a couple of years ago. (She sidestepped my questions.) Was I wrong to break up with her over this? I am a very understanding person, but she made such an issue over insisting that she continue to see her ―guy friends‖ while we were considering marriage, I had second thoughts about marrying her. Was I too hasty in breaking up?

What Does It Mean? (1) I recently broke up with a young woman (2) She sidestepped my question. (3) I had second thoughts about marrying her.

Questions (1) Had they talked about marriage? (2) Why did he break up with her? (3) When he suggested that they meet her ―guy friends‖ together, what did she do?

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Discussion Points (1) Do you think he made the right decision? (2) Can you explain what she really had in mind? (3) Talk about things that often cause lovers‘ quarrel. (4) Do you think there is difference between ―a dating partner‖ a ―marriage partner?‖

Opinion Samples (1) A woman who wants to continue to go out with ―guy friends‖ (translation: ―dates‖) is clearly not ready for marriage. I think he deserves a woman who holds marriage as sacred as he does. If this young woman wants to maintain friendship with other men, that‘s fine – but her wanting to continue to date them should send him a clear signal that she is not ready to forsake all others. (2) There must be a difference between ―a dating partner‖ and ―a marriage partner.‖ I think a date should make me excited. ―Love‖ about the real personality of my partner, but instead I seek common interests, tastes, and philosophies. On the other hand, my marriage partner must have some essential qualifications. He must be understanding and generous, and must be capable of maintaining a good relationship with my family. More important, he must have the patience to get through this ever-challenging world.

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SITUATION 19

Doing My Boyfriend’s Laundry

I am a 21-year-old college student. My boyfriend and I have dated for three years and plan to marry eventually. He makes no demands on me. However, when he was pressed for time, I have done his laundry four times in the three years we have dated. My mother and father are furious about this but can‘t explain why. When I meet women, one of first things they ask me if I do my boyfriend‘s laundry, but they can‘t explain why it would be so horrible if I did. Even sitcoms occasionally touch on the subject. I don‘t understand the gravity of the issue. Why are people so uptight when women help their boyfriend every once in a while? What‘s the big deal?

What Does It Mean? (1) When he was pressed for time (2) Sitcoms occasionally touch on the subject (3) I don‘t understand the gravity of the issue (4) Why are people so uptight when women help their boyfriends every once in a while? (5) What‘s the big deal?

Questions (1) How many times did she do her boyfriend‘s laundry? (2) Under what condition did she do his laundry?

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(3) Does her boyfriend make any demands on her? (4) What did her parents think?

Discussion Points (1) Should you do your boyfriend‘s laundry? (2) Do you ask your girlfriend to do your laundry? (3) What would you think if your daughter did her boyfriend‘s laundry?

Opinion Samples (1) Some people ridicule young women who do boyfriends‘ laundry as being ―different‖ and predict unhappy consequences. A young woman did my laundry and baked me an apple pie. She‘s different from any young women I had dated, and I married her. We have four children. The third was born one month before my wife received her doctorate from the university. We just celebrated our 25 th wedding anniversary. I love my wife more today than during our ―laundry‖ courtship. Our children were raised with a sense of service to family and friends as well as to the community. Although my wife is a professional, she still gets her greatest pleasure from being a wife and mother. Nurturing may not be considered politically correct these days, but I don‘t see how mankind can survive without it. (2) The young women of the ‘90s are not doing much laundry for their men these days, nor are they baking apple pies. Of course, this doesn‘t necessarily mean they are not sensitive or nurturing.

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SITUATION 20

Working Mom Vs Non-Working Mom

[A] I have a 2-year-old and a bay of 6 months. I decided to go back to my job and pay my aunt to take care of the children. I made this decision for two reasons, because I though it‘s for the best interests of the children and because I believed it would be better for me. My job makes it possible for my children to have an excellent health insurance. Anyone who doesn‘t have health insurance is in real danger. I want my children to have the same quality education that I had. Do you have any idea what those schools cost today? Well, they are over $20,000 a year, including room and board. I‘m talking NOW. What do you think it will cost in 16 years? I don‘t want anyone looking at me funny because I choose not to stay home with my children. I‘m a realist and this is the real world.

[B] A working Mom should sit in a quiet corner for an hour or two and get her priorities straight. Her children grow a little every day, and before she knows it they will be gone. When that happens she can walk away from home and work all she wants. Eating red beans and rice will seem like filet mignon if she cooks for a family that loves her. The mended clothes will seem like robes of velvet and gold to her children because their mother made them. The old car will shine like a limousine if their mother is taking them to the library or to the park. I believe the reason so many children are in bad shape today is because they haven‘t had adequate parental care or felt valued and loved. What in the world could be as important as being at home for your kids? When I hear women say they want a higher standard of living for their children I ask myself, what does that really mean? A better neighborhood? Private schools? Better clothes? How important are those things?

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C] Some women have to work. They need extra money or they‘re supporting their family on their own. Some women want to work. They love their families, but the daily domestic scene is not enough. They prefer the challenge of the business or professional world. Good for them! Some women prefer to stay home. They enjoy housekeeping, cooking and being a fulltime mother. This is very hard work, but they find it fulfilling. Good for them! Not all women who work outside the home are pampered executives with painted fingernails, designer clothes, neglected husbands, and latchkey kids. Neither are all housewives brainless, frumpy women who walk around in their housecoats and curlers saying, ―yes, dear,‖ to their husband and yelling at their kids. We are all free to choose what we want to be. Be grateful. Most of our mothers and grandmothers didn‘t have a choice. Hooray for the stay-at-home woman! Hooray for the career woman! Do as you please, but don‘t belittle the woman who chooses the other road.

What Does It Mean? (1) Including room and board (2) I‘m a realist (3) Get her priorities straight (4) Eating red beans and rice will seem like filet mignon if she cooks for a family that loves her. (5) So many children are in bad shape today (6) The daily domestic scene is not enough

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(7) Not all women who work outside the home are pampered executives with painted fingernails, designer clothes, neglected husbands, and latchkey kids. (8) Neither are all housewives brainless, frumpy women who walk in their housecoats and curlers saying, ―Yes, dear,‖ to their husbands and yelling at their kids. (9) Most of our mothers and grandmothers didn‘t have a choice. (10)

Don‘t belittle the woman who chooses the other road

Questions [A] (1) What made the woman decide to go back to work? (2) What does her job allow her children to have? (3) What does the writer think the top priority is for her children? [B] (1) When does the writer think is the time for mom to work? (2) Why are so many children today in bad shape? (3) Does the writer think a higher standard of living is important? [C] (1) Why do some women work? (2) Why do some women prefer to stay at home? (3) What do many people think about career women? (4) What do many people think about stay-at-home women?

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Discussion Points (1) Would you prefer being a career woman or stay-at-home woman? Why? (2) Do you want your wife to have an outside job? (3) If your husband were against your having a job, what would you do? (4) If you had young children, would you give up your job, at least temporarily? (5) Do you think a career woman has a higher possibility of divorce?

Opinion Samples (1) I‘m angry because mothers who stay home are looked down upon, while working moms are praised and respected. I know too many working moms who live in luxurious homes, have a BMW in the driveway and a swimming pool in the backyard, and take European vacations. Meanwhile, they‘re paying strangers to raise their kids. Let‘s get back to raising our own families, wearing less expensive clothes, driving economy cars, and doing what women were meant to do—being homemakers and full-time mothers. I wouldn‘t dream of giving the responsibility and fun of raising my children to anyone else. It‘s the most fulfilling and rewarding job in the world. (2) In my opinion, wives should manage to live on what their husbands earn, because a career woman is potentially a good candidate for divorce. When a woman becomes financially independent, she neglects her husband and children, and her marriage falls apart. Marriages were much healthier when women stayed home and took care of their husbands and raised their own kids. (3) The days when men controlled women by keeping them poor, pregnant, and barefoot are gone forever. If a woman chooses to stay home and live on what her husband can provide, fine. But today, because more women can support themselves, they have a choice.

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(4) I‘m tired—not just ―tired,‖ but bone-weary exhausted. I‘m the female of the 90‘s, a professional woman with a good husband and three wonderful children. I put in 40 hours a week downtown and just as many at home. When people like me are written up in a women‘s magazine or a newspaper article, you‘d think we had the world by the tail. Baloney. My job as a supervisor is stressful. The demands on me are awesome. Everyone wants something. When I came home I must prepare supper, clean the house, wash clothes, pick up the kids from school or other activities, help them with homework, and see that they are bathed and put to bed. By then I‘m totally shot. My body says rest, but my mind says I must get ready for tomorrow. I‘m 45 pounds overweight, and every week I add another pound or two. This is another area of my life that I can‘t seem to control. I know I should go on a diet but I don‘t feel like tackling another big job right now. My husband helps more than most husbands, and the children are our top priority. I truly wish I didn‘t have to work, but there is no way we could make it financially if I stayed home. I‘m not working so we can have a Mercedes, a pool, or a fancy vacation. I work so we can meet our house and car payments, buy decent clothes and put food on the table. We are not extravagant people. Even though my husband and I are both professionals, we don‘t make a great deal of money. If I quit work it would cut our income in half. My parents live across town. They are retired and depend on me a lot. This is another heavy burden. They were terrific parents. I feel guilty that I can‘t do more for them.

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SITUATION 21

Diary

I‘ve just had a huge argument with my boyfriend that was very disturbing. We are both 22. He is angry because I refuse to let him read my diary. He says that when two people are in love (and we are), there should be no secrets from each other. I don‘t write dark and dirty secrets in my diary; I record certain events and also express my feelings rather than keep them bottled up inside. It helps me blow off steam and sort out my thoughts. He says, ―That‘s what I‘m here for!‖ He thinks if he reads my diary he can help me sort out my problems. He doesn‘t see that this would make me feel violated. I tried explaining that privacy is part of being an individual. He said that two should be the same as one, and maybe I didn‘t want to become part of his life. He says he doesn‘t keep anything from me, and I shouldn‘t keep anything from him. No matter how I try to reason with him, he doesn‘t understand. We really love each other, but his insistence that he know my most private thoughts is driving me away.

What Does It Mean? (1) I express my feelings rather than keep them bottled up inside. (2) It helps me blow off steam and sort out my thoughts. (3) He doesn‘t see that this would make me feel violated. (4) No matter how I try to reason with him, he doesn‘t understand. (5) his insistence that he know my most private thoughts is driving me away

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Questions (1) Why did they have an argument? (2) How does he justify reading her diary? (3) What does she usually record in her diary? (4) How does keeping a diary help her? (5) If he read her diary, how would she feel?

Discussion Points (1) Do you agree with him or with her? (2) Are you interested in reading your spouse‘s diary? (3) Why are some people interested in reading someone else‘s diary? (4) Do you think it‘s OK to read the diaries of your young children? (5) Can you be perfectly honest when writing your diary? (6) What do you think is the main purpose of keeping a diary?

Opinion Samples (1) This argument is not about her diary – it is about his need to deny her the right to have private thoughts. After she told him that reading her diary would be a violation of her privacy he should have backed off. She mustn‘t let him bully her into caving in. (2) Unless we have a guarantee of perfect privacy we cannot be honest in recording our thoughts. However, in my case, no matter how perfectly I‘m shielded from other people‘s interference, I cannot always be honest.

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SITUATION 22

Early Bird or Just Scalping

My friend and I purchased four choice tickets for a major sporting event as soon as the tickets went on sale. A lot of legwork and advance planning went into buying these tickets at $100 each. The event will take place shortly, and the value of the tickets has quadrupled. We could easily get $400 apiece for those tickets. My friend and I plan to attend the event and sell the other two tickets, thus paying for our expenses and making a small profit. Office cronies want to buy the two tickets at their original price - $100 each. We insist on selling them for a price that we can easily get from others.

What Does It Mean? (1) choice tickets (2) A lot of legwork and advance planning went into buying (3) Office cronies

Questions (1) Was it easy for these two men to get the tickets? (2) Why has the value of tickets skyrocketed? (3) Why did they purchase two extra tickets? (4) Do the ticket owners want to sell the two extra ticket at their original price?

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Discussion Points (1) Should the owners sell their extra tickets at the original price or at a premium? (2) Do you think scalping is justified?

Opinion Samples (1) The early bird gets the worm, and the office cronies must be cuckoo to expect the owners to sell the tickets at cost at this late date. (2) The comment, ―The early bird gets the worm,‖ is off the mark. People who buy more tickets than they need to a sporting event, play, rock concert, etc., are keeping others from acquiring tickets at the stated price. This may be OK under laissez-faire capitalism, but it strikes me as unconscionable and greedy. (3) It would be better to suggest that the coworkers simply treat the ―early birds‖ to a nice dinner to compensate them for their legwork, rather than encourage them to seek an unscrupulous profit.

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SITUATION 23

Pregnant Women Standing on the Bus

[A] Many people complain about people on public transportation not giving up their seats to pregnant women, the handicapped, or the elderly. I‘ve seen pregnant women board a bus and stand while men sit reading their papers and pretend not to notice. I‘ve watched teenagers chatter with their friends and act ―cool,‖ while passengers with braces on their legs stand. I was taught common courtesy at a young age. I remember being told by my mother that if I didn‘t offer my seat to a handicapped person or an elderly man or woman I wouldn‘t be able to sit down for a week. Today, people have no respect for members of their own family, so how can we expect them to respect strangers?

[B] Do you know why so many women stand on buses and subways while the men sit and read newspapers? I‘ll tell you. Those men were raised with no manners. Last week I was seated behind a woman and her teenage son. The kid was engrossed in his comic book. An elderly lady got on and stood near us, struggling to stay upright. She had a cane and limped badly. The woman in front of me gave her son a sharp poke in the ribs and said, ―Get up and give that lady your seat, Howard, before I let you have it upside your head.‖ Maybe she wasn‘t very refined but she was doing a fine job of bringing up her son, and I told her so before I got off.

What Does It Mean? (1) act ―cool‖ (2) passengers with braces on their legs (3) common courtesy

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(4) The kid was engrossed in his comic book (5) The woman in front of me gave her son a sharp poke in the ribs (6) she wasn‘t very refined

Questions [A] (1) Why do ordinary people concede their seats on public transportation? (2) Do many people give up their seats on public transportation? (3) How do many people avoid giving up their seats? (4) What was the write taught about giving up seats when he was young? (5) What does the writer think the reason is for people‘s bad manners? [B] (1) Why does the writer think there are many women standing on the bus? (2) What did the kid on the bus do? (3) When an elderly woman got on the bus, what did his mother say to the kid? (4) Was the kid‘s mother cultured? (5) What did the writer say to the mother before he got off the bus?

Discussion Points (1) Do you think people should give up their seats to pregnant women? (2) Do you think people should give up their seats to young children or to the elderly? (3) Do you usually give up your seat on a crowded means of transportation?

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Opinion Samples (1) Many pregnant women figure they are entitled to a seat on a bus. Get real, ladies, this is the 90‘s. You women have been screaming about equal rights, so now you‘ve got them. Live with your equality and stop beefing. (2) Many pregnant women blubber that nobody offers them a seat. Well, isn't that a shame? The major problem in the universe today is overpopulation. Anyone who would bring a child into this crazy, mixed-up world is insane. Pregnant women don‘t need a seat on the bus; they need a better set of brains and a reliable form of birth control. (3) Why should a man give up his seat for a woman on public transportation? Pregnancy isn‘t an illness. It‘s a normal state. It‘s a phony issue.

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SITUATION 24

John Is Only Human

I recently read that the University of Virginia in Charlottesville is considering a ban on sexual relationships between students and professors. My husband John teaches in a Midwestern university and I have had more than a little experience with this sort of thing. John is ruggedly handsome, loaded with charm, and extremely popular with students. John is also human. Since I am on campus three days a week, I have seen what goes on with John and the young women who throw themselves at him. Apparently, at the University of Virginia (as well as other places), there are several male professors who are notorious for hitting on students. I don‘t doubt for a moment that this is a reality, but form where I sit I see a lot more action the other way around. John told me several months ago that a very sexy student cornered him after class and hung around asking questions about her term paper until it got dark. She then said, ―You‘ve been so helpful I could kiss you!‖ And she did just that—right on the mouth. Being mere mortals, they didn‘t stop at one kiss. John told me they kissed about six or seven times, and then he said, ―This is dangerous. You are leaving right now.‖ With that, he ushered her to the door. John told me about the incident immediately afterward and explained, ―I want you to know about this in case that young woman tries to blackmail me. You will know that SHE came on to ME.‖ You should know that as many female students go after professors (some for better grades) as the other way around.

What Does It Mean? (1) the young women who throw themselves at him

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(2) male professors who are notorious for hitting on students (3) Being mere mortals (4) blackmail (5) SHE came on to ME.

Questions (1) What is University of Virginia considering? (2) How often is the writer on campus? (3) How do young female students feel toward John? (4) What happened to John several months ago? (5) Why did John tell his wife immediately after the incident?

Discussion Points (1) Do you think that imposing the ban will bring about the intended results? (2) Do you think that sexual relationships can be defined by school authorities? (3) Who do you think is more responsible for dishonorable relationships, professors or students?

Opinion Samples (1) Assuming that the student in hormonal overdrive thrust herself on John, he did not have to oblige her with a bonus of five or six additional kisses. It is always the responsibility of the professional to resist the advances of the student, the patient, the client, the parishioner, etc. if something out of the line does occur, it is the person with power who is at fault for allowing it. Men and women who

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want to protect themselves against being seduced can figure out a way, if they are serious about it. (2) How can we decide who is more responsible for any relationship? Even though there are many different reasons why professors and students fall in love, it is still love, which is not different from other ordinary love outside the campus. What counts is if people love each other. On the other hand, it is a ridiculous idea to impose a ban on relationships. It would bring about no result, and man‘s feelings cannot be controlled by rules or laws. The best way to prevent misuse of sexual power games is to educate students and professors.

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SITUATION 25

Money and Friends

Some time ago, I loaned $1,000 to a couple I considered to be my closest friends. Their money was tied up in a court dispute with a business partner, and they needed financial assistance for living expenses. I didn‘t have much excess cash sitting around, but I offered them my income tax refund because I knew they were desperate. They promised to pay me back within 90 days. The due date came and went. They didn‘t send the money, and I didn‘t hear a word from them. When I asked them to repay the loan soon, they assured me that the money would be in my hands within two weeks. After two weeks no money was sent and no explanation was given. When I phoned to say I really needed that $1,000, I was informed rather brusquely that they would give me the money when they could. It‘s been six months since I first told them I needed that money. I have written twice to let them know that I understand things are tight and that they are probably embarrassed. I asked if we could work out some sort of repayment schedule. So far they haven‘t replied. I‘ve left messages on their answering machine, but there has been no response. Short of legal action, I don‘t know what else to do to get my money back and still retain our friendship. Needless to say, I‘m deeply disappointed that my good friends would treat me this way.

What Does It Mean? (1) Their money was tied up in a court dispute (2) excess cash sitting around (3) They were desperate

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(4) The due date (5) things are tight (6) we could work out some sort of repayment schedule (7) Short of legal action

Questions (1) How much did he lend to his friends (2) How did he get the money for them even though he had no excess cash on hand? (3) After they broke the payment schedule twice, what did they finally say?

Discussion Points (1) Do you believe that if you lend money to your friend, then you will lose both your friend and the money at the same time? (2) Do you think it‘s OK if you charge your friend a reasonable interest on the money you lend? (3) If your friend refused to pay you back, would you take him to court?

Opinion Samples (1) I ―never‖ lend money to my friends. This means that if my friend asked for money I would give him just the amount of money I could handle without expecting him to pay me back, and I never give more than I can afford to lose. Then I can maintain the friendship and won‘t feel resentful if I don‘t get the money back. If my friend asked for more money than I could handle I would simply refuse to give it.

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(2) We see many cases of good friendship eroded by money. However, if we think someone is a true friend and he or she is in trouble financially, why not lend money? No one will risk his friendship if he has the common-sense notion that friendship cannot be bought by money. (3) The following rhyme describes a loan dilemma between friends: I had some money And a friend. I loaned my money To my friend. I lost my money And my friend. This is not to say one must never lend money to a friend, but sad to say, more often than not it sours the relationship.

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SITUATION 26

A Street Cop

My fiancée refuses to marry me if I become a street cop because the job is too dangerous. However, it is a fact that more people are killed or seriously injured working with farm machinery. And what about construction workers, welders, and electricians? Also, putting up high-rise buildings, dams, and bridges isn‘t exactly a walk in the park. How many lumberjacks and loggers are killed on the job each year? I personally two painters who died on the job, and one who fell off a ladder and was permanently paralyzed from the neck down. Not long ago 12 coal miners in eastern Kentucky were buried alive on the job. When was the last time 12 cops died at the same time? And when did 25 people die together, as did the employees that chicken processing plant in North Carolina a few years ago? I would feel a whole lot safer being a street cop than being a clerk in a 24-hour convenience store.

What Does It Mean? (1) lumberjacks (2) 24-hour convenience store

Questions (1) Why does the woman refuse to marry the man? (2) What does he want to point out?

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(3) What kinds of jobs does he think are more dangerous? (4) What happened to eastern Kentucky coal miners a few years ago?

Discussion Points (1) Can his fiancée be justified in not marrying him? Or is it just a lame excuse? (2) If your boyfriend were in a life-threatening business, would you marry him? (3) If your boyfriend were a cop, would you marry him? (4) What kind of jobs do you think your boyfriend should not have?

Opinion Samples (1) There are many jobs with great risk, but it doesn‘t necessarily follow that a career in law enforcement is safer by comparison. The Police face violence and death every day. Their tasks run the gamut from social worker to diplomat, from bouncer to minister. Anyway, life is not without risks – and nobody has a contract with God. (2) My husband is a police officer, and I have a message for women: Please don‘t pity me, or ask me how I cope, or tell me what a brave woman I am to be married to a cop. Yes, I know it‘s a dangerous job, but I try not to think about it. When he goes out the door I know I may never see him again, but I just kiss him and ask him to pick up a quart of milk on his way home. And yes, I am aware of how good a uniform makes a man look, and I know I must trust him when women answer the door wearing little or nothing. I also know that young girls get crushes on cops and leave not-so-subtle messages on squad cars. It‘s not easy being married to a police officer, but I don‘t need your pity. I‘m proud to be an officer‘s wife.

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SITUATION 27

Favoritism to Boys

[A] I am in my seventh month of pregnancy, but because of my husband‘s attitude I feel as if I have been carrying this baby for a year. He has shot off his big mouth to everyone who will listen that if I don‘t have a boy he will leave us both in the hospital. Everyone laughs it off, and so do I, but it really does hurt. If I should have a girl, I will feel as if I have failed him. To make matters worse, his two brothers‘ wives have had three girls apiece, and they say they are ―through.‘ I am afraid my in-laws are counting on me to have a son, although they have been gracious enough to day it doesn‘t matter. [B] My parents and I have a very poor relationship. They‘ve seen my 5-month-old daughter only three times. I have an older sister and two brothers. We all live in the same city. The favoritism shown to our brothers has caused my sister and me a lot of pain. This has been going on for as long as we can remember. In our last phone conversation, I came right out and told my mother that I still hurt from the emotional abuse I have suffered since early childhood and that her favoritism to ―the boys‖ is very painful. I asked, point blank, why she did this to me and my sister and me. There was no answer. The reason I felt compelled to be so blunt was because I had had a serious illness several weeks before and my parents had not bothered to visit me in the hospital or send a card. I was crushed by this ultimate rejection. Can it be that some parents just don‘t want daughters? My sister is a wonderful person and everyone loves her. It has takes me a long time to see that I, too, am lovable and have many friends. I have two precious daughters and it boggles my mind that parents would not value their granddaughters.

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What Does It Mean? (1) He has shot off his big mouth to everyone (2) Everyone laughs it off (3) If I should have a girl, I will feel as if I have failed him. (4) they say they are ―through‖ (5) my in-laws are counting on me to have a son (6) I came right out (7) I asked, point blank (8) my parents had not bothered to visit me in the hospital or send a card (9) I was crushed by this ultimate rejection. (10) it boggles my mind that parents would not value their granddaughters

Questions [A] (1) What did the husband say he would do if his wife doesn‘t have a boy? (2) Did anyone take his statement seriously? (3) How many girls do his two brothers have? (4) Will they try to have a boy again? (5) Do her in-laws say they count on her to have a boy? [B] (1) Why do the woman and her parents have a poor relationship? (2) What did her mother say when asked why she favors her sons over he daughters?

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(3) Did her parents visit her when she was in the hospital?

Discussion Points (1) How many children do you want to have after you got married? (2) Do you favor boys over girls? (3) If your spouse favored boys over girls, what would you do? (4) What are the reasons people generally favor boys over girls?

Opinion Samples (1) These clatter traps who specify a preference is a strange breed of jackass and there is no known cure. If her husband were the king of Siam, he might have a succession problem. But since he‘s not, what‘s his beef? Husbands who advertise they want sons always wind up nutty as fruitcakes over their daughters. It never fails. (2) Her mother sounds seriously disturbed and probably also same from a dysfunctional family. It is possible she had a very poor relationship with her own mother, and thereby hangs the whole sad tale.

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SITUATION 28

My Dad Hates Charlie

I’ve been seeing Charlie for over a year and our relationship is fantastic. We get along beautifully and have a great deal in common. This man gives me love, support, understanding, and companionship. Charlie is the man I have been waiting for all my life. There is, however, one problem. My parents hate him. My mother struggles to be civil to him, and my father won‘t allow Charlie‘s name to be mentioned in the house. I am beside myself trying to work this out and am having very little success. When holidays come around, Charlie is never included. This puts me in an awkward position because when I don‘t attend these functions I hurt my family. Charlie‘s family is wonderful to me and they enjoy having me around. I plan to marry this terrific man, but I‘m terrified about what the wedding will be like under these circumstances. My parents need to know how much they are hurting me and the person I love.

What Does It Mean? (1) We get along beautifully and have a great deal in common. (2) My mother struggles to be civil to him. (3) I am beside myself (4) Charlie is never included

Questions (1) How long have they been seeing each other?

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(2) What is wrong with their relationship? (3) Does her mom hate Charlie? (4) Is Charlie usually invited to her home when it‘s a holiday?

Discussion Points (1) How far can parents control who their children date?

What would you do if you were in the following situations? (2) Dad hates Charlie because Charlie is 30 years older. (3) Dad hates Charlie because Charlie has been married three times and has fathered several children. (4) Dad hates Charlie because Charlie has a prison record. (5) Dad hates Charlie because Charlie is a boozer. (6) Dad hates Charlie because Charlie has no college degree. (7) Dad hates Charlie because Charlie has no job. (8) Dad hates Charlie because Charlie is poor. (9) Dad hates Charlie because Charlie has a different religion. (10)Dad hates Charlie because Charlie is handicapped.

Opinion Samples (1) If parents think their kid‘s friends are undesirable, they tend to try everything to prevent the relationship from continuing. But I don‘t think it works. It just makes the child a better liar. Once children learn that being honest only gets them into trouble, they become very good at deception. So parents should let

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their teen select his or her own friends but make it clear what the house rules are and insist on meeting all new friends so they can get to know each other. (2) The relationship between young children sometimes needs to be screened by parents, and if friends are not desirable for any reason our children should be kept from continuing their relationships with the wrong people. Young children‘s views of their friends are too ―pure‖ or perhaps too stereotyped, so they have not learned how to discriminate. This could lead them to irreversible disasters in life. (3) If I am in love with a man who treats me great, I‘ll marry him despite the bad news that he is an ex-convict. The fact that he is an ex-convict means he has paid his debt to society. So I think my parents should have no reason to turn against him simply because there is a possibility for him to break the law again in the future. And I will tell my parents about his record before I marry him because I‘m afraid that they might learn of it later, and then we would both lose their confidence and trust. And speaking the truth might speak well for both of us.

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SITUATION 29

Biggest Lies

(1) It‘s a good thing you came in today. We only have two in stock. (2) Sorry, dear, not tonight. I have a headache. (3) I promise to pay you back out of my next pay check. (4) Five more pounds is nothing to a person with your height. (5) But officer, I only had two beers. (6) You made it yourself? I never would have guessed. (7) It‘s delicious, but can‘t eat another bite. (8) Your hair looks just fine. (9) It‘s nothing to worry about – just a cold sore. (10)

Now can I go out to play? I‘ve finished my homework.

(11)

The river never gets high enough to flood this property.

(12)

I already sent it. The delivery is on the truck.

(13)

Go ahead and tell me. I promise I won‘t get mad.

(14)

You have nothing to worry about, honey. I‘ve had a vasectomy.

(15) This car is like brand new. It was owned by two retired schoolteachers who never went anywhere. (16)

The doctor will call you right back.

(17)

So glad you dropped by. I wasn‘t doing a thing.

(18)

You don‘t look a day over 40.

(19)

It‘s a very small spot. Nobody will notice.

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(20)

The baby is just beautiful.

(21)

The new ownership won‘t affect you. The company will remain the same.

(22) The puppy won‘t be any trouble, Mom. I promise I‘ll take care of it myself. (23)

I‘m a social drinker and I can quit anytime I want to.

(24)

Put the map away. I know exactly how to get there.

(25)

You don‘t need it in writing. You have my personal guarantee.

(26)

Sorry the work isn‘t ready. The computer broke down.

(27)

I‘ll do it in a minute.

(28)

The reason I‘m so late is I ran out of gas.

(29)

Our children never caused us a minute‘s trouble.

(30)

This is a very safe building. No way will you ever be burglarized.

(31) The ever-present line on a post card: Having a great time. Wish you were here. (32)

The three biggest lies: I did it. I didn‘t do it. I can‘t remember

What Does It Mean? (1) n stock (2) The new ownership won‘t affect you. (3) social drinker (4) You don‘t need it in writing. (5) ever-present line

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Questions (1) Who tells line No. 1? (2) Who tells line No. 2? (3) Who tells line No. 3? (4) Who tells line No. 5? (5) Who tells line No. 7? (6) Who tells line No. 11? (7) Who tells line No. 12? (8) Who tells line No. 14? (9) Who tells line No. 22? (10)

Who tells line No. 23?

(11)

Who tells line No. 26?

(12)

Who tells line No. 27?

(13)

Who tells line No. 31?

Discussion Points (1) Why do people lie? (2) List some white lies you often use? (3) What was the biggest lie in your life? (4) Who lies the most often? (5) Who never tells a lie?

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Opinion Samples (1) Each person has different reasons to lie. Some people do it just for fun – or tell so-called white lies with no serious damage, and perhaps to avoid hurting someone‘s feelings. But problems occur when people lie to take advantage of other people‘s innocence to get material gain illegally. This is called fraud or scam. (2) Politicians are the biggest liars. They promise everything they can do before an election. But once they take office they do nothing to keep their promises. Why? People – the electorate – never seem to be interested in making politicians keep their promises. People seem to think that politicians have a right to lie, so they lie about everything. (3) We found a dog, and whoever can tell the biggest lie gets him. Well, I‘m surprised at you boys. Don‘t you know it‘s wrong to tell lies? Why, I‘ve never told a lie in my life. Here‘s the dog—you win.

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SITUATION 30

Part-Time Job

My husband and I have been arguing about something for several weeks. We need the opinion of an outsider. Our son Chris is 17. He wants to work in a shopping mall after school and on weekends. Several of his friends are employed there. They make $5 per hour. We are upper-middle-class people. Chris gets an allowance and does not need to work. I‘m opposed to his taking this job because his grades are only fair and if he works they will get worse. His father says Chris needs the discipline that a job will provide, plus it will teach him how to handle money. He keeps reminding me that he worked at various jobs after school starting when he was 14, and they prepared him for a successful career.

What Does It Mean? (1) We need the opinion of an unbiased outsider. (2) Chris needs the discipline that a job will provide.

Questions (1) What has the couple been arguing about? (2) What do they need now? (3) What does their son want to do? (4) How much can their son make if he works in a shopping mall? (5) Why is the mother opposed to her son‘s working? 90 | P a g e

(6) What are the reasons her husband says their son needs to work?

Discussion Points (1) Whose opinion do you think is right, the husband‘s or the wife‘s? (2) Talk about the good things and bad things about youngsters having a part-time job? (3) What kind of part-time jobs do you think are right for youngsters?

Opinion Samples (1) There is a great deal of validity in what her husband says, but a teen-ager‘s principal job should be studying. If he is doing no better than ―fair‖ it would be foolish to let him work in the shopping mall. Too often school work suffers when mediocre students take on part-time employment, and frequently their paychecks go for motorbikes, secondhand cars, record albums, leather jackets, drugs, and alcohol. In many homes it is essential for teenagers to work to help buy food and clothing for the family or save up for college. But in the case of Chris, the wife should tell her husband to forget it. (2) I think there is nothing to worry about if the boy has a part-time job. He is 17 so he is old enough to balance his studies and his work. I agree with her husband. Chris needs to learn how difficult and how precious it is to make money. This will give him good sense in spending his money. I think that practical knowledge is more important for him at his age than the more academic knowledge he gets in school.

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