Language and Conversation Course Workbook)
May 4, 2017 | Author: Christopher Aldred | Category: N/A
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Description
(alt.binaries.seduction)
Dave Riker's
Speed Seduction® Language and Conversation Course
A structured training program that teaches the language and conversational skills of Speed Seduction .
Workbook Speed Seduction is a registered trademark of Ross Jeffries, used with permission.
(alt.binaries.seduction)
Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
Table of Contents Page No.
1.0
Disk and Track No.*
Title Page Legal Notices Table of Contents Product Content Product Protection and User Consent Formatting and Conventions Acknowledgements Forward Registration Important Note About Exercises and Assignments
i ii iii vi vi vii ix x xii xii
INTRODUCTION AND GETTING STARTED
1
D1-T1
1.1
Overview
1
D1-T1
1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5 1.6
Why Is This Course Needed? What We Will Handle, and How Investing In Yourself, Or Not Can We Change The Way You Speak? Manipulation and Ethics Concerns
1 2 3 4 5
D1-T10 D1-T15 D1-T24 D1-T26 D1-T32
2.0
SPEAKING AND LANGUAGE
7
D2-T1
2.1 2.1.1 2.1.2 2.1.3 2.1.4 2.2 2.2.1 2.2.2 2.2.3 2.2.4 2.2.5 2.2.6 2.3 2.3.1 2.3.2 2.3.3 2.3.4 2.4
Speaking Pointers 7 The "Cool" Factor 7 Voice Tone and Tonality 7 Pacing and Pausing 9 Energy and Enthusiasm 10 Language Tools and Details 12 Adjectives and Adverbs 12 Trance Words 13 Weasel Phrases 15 Embedded Commands 17 Linking 19 Easy-Linking (This, That, These, Those) 21 More Tools 23 Pointing and Gestures 24 Linking Gestures (Towards and Away) 25 Easy Linking Expanded (Pointing With This, That, These, Those ...) 26 Easy Anchoring - Point Or Touch, On Positive 27 Review 29
D2-T1 D2-T1 D2-T2 D2-T15 D2-T26 D2-T39 D2-T40 D3-T1 D3-T14 D3-T25 D3-T42 D4-T1 D4-T12 D4-T14 D4-T22 D4-T30 D4-T35 D4-T46
3.0
LANGUAGE STRUCTURE AND TECHNIQUES
31
D5-T1
3.1 3.1.1
Pace and Lead General Pace and Lead Techniques
31 32
D5-T2 D5-T9
* Disk and Track Numbers References to the CDs and the tracks on them are shown in a format such as "D2-T4", which in this example refers to Disk 2, Track 4.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction® Language and Conversation Course
Table of Contents (continued) Page No.
Disk a n d Track N o . *
3.1.2 3.1.3 3.1.4 3.2 3.3 3.3.1 3.3.2 3.3.3 3.3.4 3.3.5 3.4 3.5 3.6 3.6.1 3.6.2 3.7 3.7.1 3.7.2 3.7.3 3.7.4 3.8 3.9
Pace and Lead - Topics and Subjects Pace and Lead-Mindset Or Frame Of Mind Pace and Lead - Current Reality Give Them a Reason Listing General Listing Listing - At The End Listing - Burying Items Listing, Pauses, and Emphasis.. Listing Review More and More Compare and Contrast Parts Parts of a Subject Parts of a Person Opportunities and Challenges Using Their Own Processes What Do People Want? Mini-Challenges Opportunities and Challenges Ambiguities Summary
33 35 38 39 41 41 43 45 48 48 48 51 54 54 58 61 62 62 63 64 69 69
D5-T12 D5-T20 D5-T29 D5-T32 D6-T1 D6-T4 D6-T15 D6-T24 D6-T36 D6-T37 D6-T38 D6-T54 D7-T1 D7-T4 D7-T15 D7-T34 D7-T36 D7-T38 D7-T40 D7-T43 D7-T64 D7-T66
4.0
CONVERSATIONAL MANAGEMENT
71
D8-T1
4.1 4.1.1 4.1.2 4.1.3 4.1.4 4.2 4.2.1 4.2.2 4.2.3 4.3 4.3.1 4.3.2 4.3.3 4.3.4 4.3.5 4.4 4.4.1 4.4.2 4.4.3 4.4.4 4.4.5 4.5 4.5.1 4.5.2
Challenges Detailed and Specific Plans Are Just Not Workable Navigation Example Navigational Strategies Are Needed She Must Be Engaged In The Conversation! How Conversations Happen Conversational Dynamics Conversational Model Topic Turning Point General Conversational Management Getting The Conversation To Go Where You Want How To Steer Conversations, Moment To Moment The Model With Strategy and Tactics In Place Exercises and Assignments Summary Advanced Conversational Management Getting The Conversation To Go Where You Really Want Steering Conversations Moment To Moment The Model With Advanced Strategy and Tactics In Place Exercises and Assignments Summary More Advanced Conversational Management More About Getting The Conversation To Go Steering Conversations Using More Advanced
71 71 71 72 72 72 72 73 77 79 79 81 82 83 86 86 86 88 88 91 93 93 93 94
D8-T1 D8-T3 D8-T4 D8-T5 D8-T10 D8-T12 D8-T13 D8-T14 D8-T15 D8-T16 D8-T16 D8-T19 D8-T23 D8-T25 D8-T32 D8-T33 D8-T33 D8-T35 D8-T38 D8-T39 D8-T46 D8-T47 D8-T47 D8-T49
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction® Language and Conversation Course
Table of Contents (continued) Page No.
Disk a n d Track N o . *
4.5.3 4.6 4.6.1 4.6.2 4.6.3 4.6.4 4.7 4.7.1 4.7.2 4.7.3
The Model With More Advanced Strategy and Tactics In Place.... Conversational Fractionation The 1-Shot Beeline Fallacy How Fractionation Works Using Conversational Fractionation Dead Ends Come Back To Life! Conversational Overview and Review Conversational Management Approach What If The Outcome Is Not What You Expected? Summary
94 96 96 97 97 98 99 99 99 99
D8-T52 D9-T1 D9-T2 D9-T3 D9-T5 D9-T6 D9-T7 D9-T8 D9-T9 D9-T10
5.0
TOPICS
101
D9-T11
5.1 5.2 5.3 5.4 5.5
Topics Of Enthusiasm and Passion Seduction Oriented Topics Expanded Seduction Oriented Topics - SOTXs Conversational Model With SOTXs The Complete Conversational Model
101 102 104 109 111
D9-T14 D9-T15 D9-T24 D9-T32 D9-T33
6.0
PATTERNS
115
D10-T1
6.1 6.2 6.3 6.4
Pattern O v e r Pattern Formula Canned Patterns Pattern Riffing In Real-Time
115 115 116 116
D10-T1 D10-T7 D10-T12 D10-T13
7.0
REVIEW AND SUMMARY
119
D10-T18
7.1 7.2 7.3 7.4 7.5
Review Summary Listen, Do The Exercises, and Follow The Course Be Willing and Prepared To Put Energy Into Congratulations! Well Done!
119 119 119 119 119
D10-T18 D10-T26 D10-T27 D10-T28 D10-T29
8.0
EXAMPLES, EXAMPLES, EXAMPLES
121
D11
v
i
e
w
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
APPENDICES I
Course "Cheat Sheet"
123
II
Speaking and Language Tools "Cheat Sheet"
131
III
The Complete Conversational Management Model
133
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction® Language and Conversation Course
Formatting and Conventions The following formatting, styles, and conventions have been developed and are used throughout this transcript/workbook. A majority of the workbook is presented in an "outline" form. Although there are paragraphs of explanatory text, these are in most cases presented as a way to augment the content of the audio presentation. The written text is NOT a transcript. The audio is NOT an exact duplicate of the text shown in the workbook. The relationship between these two can be best described by considering the workbook text to be (for the most part) an "outline" of what is presented in the audio. The graphics in the latter sections are significant in that they are an essential part of the understanding and leaning, and their use is key to many students' understanding of the concepts presented. There are certain conventions used in the formatting of the workbook. However these conventions are guidelines; there may be instances when the conventions are not used for the sake of emphasis, or clarity.
Samples of the formatting and conventions used:
Typefaces - A majority of the workbook content is shown in this typeface (Times New Roman, a "serif typeface). This shows information that could be considered part of an overall "outline" of what the audio presentation contains. Text within graphics, graphic titles, graphic captions, and the Formulas, Exercises, and Assignments are all shown using this typeface (Arial, a "sans-serif typeface). Lists - At times, items are presented in a list-like fashion such as this: • Item 1 • Item 2 • Item 3 • Etc. ...that is simply to show a list of related items, and to make it easier to reference those items at a later time. Boldface Text - Boldface Text is used to emphasize certain text or passages. It is also used for subject headings so that these stand out and apart from the normal text. Italicized Text - Italicized Text is used for emphasis in many cases where boldface text may by nearby, and the italics are simply used as a way to show a different manner of emphasis. Italics are also used to point the reader towards specific content of the audio CDs, i.e. Listen to the audio where an example is presented. D3-T5 CD Track References - As shown to the right Towards the right margin of section titles and headings, CD Location References are shown using terms such as "D3-T5" in the text. This shows (for example) the Disk (3) and the Track number (5) that corresponds to that part of the workbook contents. Not every track number is listed. Since the work book is an "outline" and not a transcript, there is not an exact place in the book that correlates to the start of each and every track on the audio CDs. Therefore most of the track references are shown at the start of major sections, or major points in the workbook. Graphics are used in the workbook as well. Usually the graphic is shown on the page immediately following where that graphic is first mentioned in the text. If the graphic cannot fit there (due to page breaks) then the graphic is placed on the next available page.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course Each graphic has a number and a title of some type. The number is in the format of "XYZ-A" where "XYZ" denotes the number of the section where the graphic is placed, and the "A" indicates the number of the graphic within a section itself (i.e. - 1 , -2, -3) to account for multiple graphics in one section of text. This is shown below.
Candidate Topics Figure XYZ-1: Graphic Title Sub-paragraph - If a graphic has text that helps to further explain that graphic, then that text is shown immediately below the graphic using an indented paragraph such as this. Text Boxes - Text boxes are used for very specific purposes in the workbook.
Formula, Exercises, and Assignments are shown inside boxes such as this. A Formula is a way to present a concise explanation of some item, fact, or technique. Each Formula is presented in its own "text box" as shown here. Exercises are a series of instructions that call upon the reader to do or perform certain actions. Most exercises can be done alone. Assignments also call for action on the part of the reader. Assignments usually requier the reader to go out and interact with other person(s) in order to perform them correctly. Although the difference between Exercises and Assignments is maintained through most of the workbook, there are instances where the definitions may be clouded to some degree. For example, an Exercise may require interaction with other people, or maybe and Assignment can be done alone by the student.
Page Breaks - The workbook is laid out to minimize the amount of blank space where reasonably possible. This may require that a graphic be placed on the next page after where it is first mentioned (instead of being directly below where the graphic is first mentioned in the text). This also may result in some page breaks being in places which are not optimal, but that is a necessity due to the complexity of the book. Similarly, there are cases where text boxes may actually "break" across two pages. Although this is not optimal, it is required in order for the "flow" of the book content to remain consistent.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
Acknowledgements The first and foremost acknowledgement goes out to Ross Jeffries himself, the creator of Speed Seduction . Ross's developments have lead not only to helping many men with this part of their lives, but have also shown many the way to a new way of living, opening the door for many into the world of self improvement. To Dr. Yates Canipe, who was the business genius that brought Speed Seduction® to the masses through seminars and products, and who has also contributed greatly to helping men change their minds about themselves, and what is possible in their lives. To the many experts out there who have augmented the SS teachings by showing me other aspects of the mind, and have opened the door for me to find many ways of self-improvement and understanding, most notably Hypnotica, EVS, SP, MC, and MD. To those in the original SD Lair group, who helped me by allowing me to help them, and for the assistance they provided with this product. To my coaching clients, who have placed their trust in me and allowed me the experience of showing them new and wonderful possibilities for what their lives may have to offer. Working with these clients was especially instrumental in formulating and perfecting the concepts and teaching methods used in this product. Special thanks to my friends, colleagues, confidants, associates, mentors, teachers, and students (we are each all of these and more) in the TAGR Group, JL, DM, SM. / must apologize to some degree for the time it has taken to finish this product. The main reason is that I do not wish to release any product until I believe that I am able to provide the level of quality,insight and teaching that I think is possible. I may miss a few sales because of such a delay, and this wait may have annoyed a few people, but I sincerely hope that the results will prove to have made the wait worthwhile. ... and to all of the Students out there who I have met at Speed Seduction® seminars, those who have read what I have written, and those who have entrusted me to teach you and to guide you, and to help you in finding the Women or Woman of Your Dreams. To all of you, Thank you, Dave Riker
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
Forward One of the most wonderful things about life is the idea of connecting with others, spending time with them, and sharing experiences with them. Whether that be as friends or acquaintances, whether this time has any sort of romantic or seductive component or not, some of the most wonderful moments of life are brought about by people, having and sharing experiences with, other people. One of the biggest tragedies of life is that there are things, teachings, information, (and more importantly a LACK of information in some cases) that can prevent such connections and moments from happening. Sadly this is most apparent when it comes to men. Many men through no fault of their own have grown up to be adults and have had little instruction or assistance in a very important area of their lives; the idea of simply communicating with and sharing experiences with the other half of the human population; women. This is so sad, and in many cases the efforts of men to solve this problem on their own have been met by smallminded criticism and slander. As if the interesting, good-natured and well-intentioned man, who was simply deprived of an means to "learn about" how to meet and talk with women, should somehow not improve himself, and set forth upon a path to improve this area of his life. I think that is not correct. And I am here to help correct it. I think that many men, the best men, are the ones that really DO look at this area of their lives, and decide to move forward, take action, learn, and grow, so that they really may share wonderful experiences of ALL types with women, or with that special woman of which they have always dreamed. I know of many women who are always distraught that they seem to not be able to meet good men. Good, interesting, intelligent, charming men, for some reason seem to be in short supply. And it's a shame for these women to be wanting for their company. Such men, in fact, are NOT in short supply. There are many such men out there. They are the ones that really don't know how to introduce themselves, or don't know how to present themselves in the best way. They don't know how to keep a woman's interest. They just have not been taught such things. So, there are a lot of great men out there who would like to meet interesting women. And, there are a lot of wonderful women out there who would love to meet interesting men. It's for these men, and for those women, that I create products such as this. Whether a man decides to use this information as way to embark upon a period of his life which involves casual romantic interludes, or whether a man uses this information as a means to improve his chances of finding one special woman, is up to him. At least then he will be in a position of choice. He will be able to decide for himself which he feels is the best option for him. The women of the world will be better off in their own way, as well. A woman should never "settle", or "compromise"; she should decide to be with whom she wants to be with by having opportunities, and options, to make an informed choice. Having many interesting men available, and introducing themselves, and showing themselves in the best and most honest light, helps to provide these women with an even better choice. From that position, most women will be far better off and have much better chances with the kind of men, or the kind of man, that they will want to spend time with as well.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course So, even though this product is intended to be read, understood, and applied by men, the benefits are meant to be for both men and women alike. So in my own way, my goal and my hope is that this product will make men, and women, somewhat happier and able to enjoy their lives even more than before. So guys ... read. Learn. Study. Apply, Have fun. Get out there. And good luck in finding The Women, or Woman, of your dreams. Dave Riker
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
1.0 1.1
INTRODUCTION AND GETTING STARTED OVERVIEW
Dl-Tl
Welcome and Thanks. Welcome to Dave Riker's Speed Seduction® Language and Conversation Course. This workbook is meant to studied along with a series of audio lectures that are recorded on CDs. The purpose of this workbook is to: • • •
Provide an outline of the material covered in the audio program. Provide additional explanation of some points that are covered in the audio program. Present a series of exercises and assignments. Instructions for each are provided, along with spaces for written responses where necessary.
This program is based upon experience with countless students, seeing what is needed, and what works in the field. Language Skills What works? What makes the successful guys able to use these technologies? Partly it's the ability to actually "talk" in this manner, to use these language skills naturally as just a part of the way they speak. If you follow along and do the exercises, you can change the way you speak as well. We will be teaching you the detailed language skills that will really help you. Conversational Skills The ability to manage conversations is needed as well. We will teach you ways to easily manage conversations so that they go in interesting directions. You are already on your way! This course works on many levels, consciously and subconsciously. So even this "intro" section is starting to work for you, and on you as well. Listen to it, pay attention, and get the full benefit of everything this course has to offer. 1.2
WHY IS THIS COURSE NEEDED?
D1-T10
If you are here, then on some level, there is a need. Some guys don't need this, some people do this naturally. If you are her "type" you don't need this, but this will help you if you are not. These techniques all need to sound and be "natural" to actually be effective. You are not going to sound like this or talk like this all of the time! Just in the way that you shift and change how you speak now in different situations, you will do so in the future and use these techniques as well. You will have this way of speaking as a PART of who you are and what you can do! Guys need to be trained, and "reprogrammed" in a way.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
You have to be PROGRAMMED to do this so you can have a conversation, listen, and be a part of it. In a way, some of the ways that you speak now will be reprogrammed so that speaking in a new way will be natural. Other parts of the language tools you may have to "think" about... for a while at least. Guys need to be able to just "do this" and "talk this way" in REAL-TIME. This is a term that will be used throughout this course, so let's define and explain it for you. Real Time "Occurring immediately ... respond to input immediately ... must react to a steady flow of new information without interruption." Guys need to stop the worrying about "Doing something wrong" It's only "wrong" if you are TRYING to do or be something you are not. You need to integrate skills to the degree that they ARE a part of who you ARE, not a "trick", but it's really YOU talking! Guys are too focused on "how can I use this" when in a conversation. Sure, that is important, but if you are "thinking" too much, then you are not actually IN the conversation! You need to be engaged in a conversation, talking, listening, interacting, responding. Not inside your head "thinking" about "how can I use this?"! 1.3
WHAT WE WILL HANDLE, AND HOW
Major • • • • • • • •
Topics Speaking Pointers Language Tools and Details Conversational Management Conversational Fractionation Topics - Enthusiasm and Passion Topics - Seduction Oriented Topics Patterns and Riffing Examples
Dl-Tl5
What Methods Are Used • Describe and explain the details of the techniques • Explicit examples of how the details work • Examples throughout and within the discussions • Examples section at the end. • Exercises to develop understanding and skills • Assignments for you to do in the field. • Working on several "levels" of you mind at once • Models to arrive at an overall understanding • Left brain and right brain are both addressed • Conscious and subconscious minds are both given what they need for real understanding and retention. • Things may seem to "repeat", but that's your left brain talking! We are reprogramming many years of your experience, so we need to approach this in many ways, many times! • In fact we have already started! Where Does This Material Come From • From SS Teachings, some things will sound quite familiar. • Other teachings about language, how it is learned, and how people speak. Page 2
Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
• • • •
From personal experiences and how I used the materials. From working with clients and seeing what worked and how they were able to change. Applying a structured methodology of step-by-step methods, to give you a real roadmap to actually learn the material. Is this information, new, or revised? Yes, there IS some overlap and duplication with other products and systems. However, the emphasis here is training you to do it for yourself, making it a part of YOU, that YOU just DO.
The Ways To Study And Use The Product • Listen to the CDs. • Follow along in the workbook if you can • Do the exercises and assignments! • Listen over and over, do the exercises over and over, do the assignments over and over! • Be patient. We are reprogramming years and years of you "speaking" in a certain manner. Changing that will take some time. • Is there an "optimal way" to use the product, or not? There are various ways, see what works for you. However, the more you put into it, the more you will get out of it. • This may seem complicated but the point is to get you SO familiar with the tools that you become the guy who does this! Some Very Important Points • Find all of your current SS products and inventory them, both audio and written materials. You will need them because you will have assignments that deal with these. • Listen to other products in conjunction with this product, as assigned or as required. • Get some other written material to work with for this course. Other SS products will work well. Also maybe get a romance novel or two, and a few women's magazines as well. • Be prepared to have a place to practice for this course! You will need to be able to speak out loud to do many of the exercises. • Having a good social life will help you. Many of the assignments will deal with talking to people, and this is much easier if you have an active life where you can have many conversations. The Mind-Momentum Principle At Work • Get energy, effort, and engagement into your effort to really learn and use these materials. • Get that "Mind-Momentum" going to help you change and improve. 1.4
INVESTING IN YOURSELF, OR NOT
D1-T24
Any real change requires you to make an investment in yourself using energy, effort, and engagement, a concept that was brought up earlier. By embarking upon this course, and this journey, you are doing just that. The best way to listen to this course is while also reviewing the workbook (especially in the conversational management sections). However, listening multiple times in any setting also has a lot of benefit. So, do whatever you need to do to listen to this course a LOT. If you need to make your own copies for use in multiple locations, do it! But please, keep those copies to yourself. Be wary of those people who may want to "borrow" a copy, and who may "try" to listen to the course. If they just "try" it, they aren't really putting themselves INTO it. In addition, many of these people will be those negative types of people that will then dispute the benefits of this program! Why? Because THEY have not invested anything into it! Not just in terms of dollars, but in terms of THEM really being willing and ready to change, and being open to what benefits this program can bring.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
People must be engaged in the process to get its benefits. Those who are not, will not benefit. Don't let their lack of willingness to improve themselves, hold you back. 1.5
CAN WE CHANGE THE WAY YOU SPEAK?
D1-T26
Is this really possible? This sounds difficult. Can we literally change the way you speak? • • • • • • •
How you select words Create phrases Form sentences Pick topics Speak passionately, at will Engage in conversation Manage conversations
Yes, It Is Possible! - But This Is A Different Type Of Learning. Most people want to approach this by learning bits and pieces • •
That's good in a way, because it addresses that analytical part of your mind. But it's tough to do that. Imagine having to "think about" how to talk, at every moment!
Some people want to try to memorize. • • • • • • • •
This might be good as a learning TOOL, but to then USE it in conversation is difficult. You keep trying to "remember" things. Plus it's not YOU talking, its a memorized "thing". It's less effective. Not as congruent. It makes guys nervous, trying to "remember" what to say. Then it's about a "performance." So, consequently, there is a "right" and "wrong" way to do it! But if you are just TALKING, just being YOU, then its easier, there is no "right" way or "wrong" way, its YOU being YOU! You cannot fail at being YOU!
The approach in this course is different. • • • • • •
You will get some details, some models, some structures. You will end up "memorizing" thing to some degree, but only indirectly, because you will hear it so much! But a LOT of what is being conveyed here is learning by EXAMPLE. Immersion is the key. Also progressive exercises, where you learn skills piece by piece. And actual assignments, where you use the skills in the real world.
How People Initially Learn How To Speak • • • •
Sure in middle school, kids are taught about language, about grammar, sentences, paragraphs, etc. But that's not how you learned to talk! You learned to talk when you were a child - by hearing others around you speak! You were IMMERSED in language, you heard it, you heard it a lot, you heard it in context, and you started to form the ability to speak and communicate based upon that! Page 4
Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
This Course Uses Many Techniques To Train You To Have Workable, Real-World Skills. Examples •
Explicit examples, like when I say "here is an example"
•
Implicit examples, where I am just DOING these things all during the program.
Exercises and Assignments to Teach You the Skills • Skills Training like any sport, trade, or craft. • Break it down into small parts, which we go over and over. Various Training Methods • •
1.6
We use a lot of repetitive training methods so that these techniques have a better chance of becoming "automatic". We will have you become familiar with the range of ways of speaking and sounding, so that you will have more ability and more flexibility to do what is appropriate MANIPULATION AND ETHICS CONCERNS
D1-T32
Many guys have been uncomfortable with using many of these skills, based upon feelings that when using them, "it's not me" or "I am just using a trick or technique". This causes some real, deep ethics issues and blocks many guy's success. With THIS approach HERE, it's not about throwing something AT her, we will change the way you talk so that it will be easier, more natural, more a part of YOU, how you communicate, and who and what YOU are! Using these skills will be less of an "act", and be more of WHO YOU ARE.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
2.0
SPEAKING AND LANGUAGE
2.1
SPEAKING POINTERS
D2-T1
2.1.1
The "Cool" Factor
D2-T1
Guys want to sound "cool", calm, reserved, etc. This is good as long as it's not BORING. That "cool" feeling comes from being calm and speaking in a relaxed fashion, but giving the impression that there IS more, that there is a "fire" beneath the surface. That's the "allure". That's what women like, and what people like in general. Too many guys "try" to be cool but actually come off as COLD or even worse, BORING. "Cool" comes from being calm and sure of yourself. Cool does NOT mean to be boring and to put people to sleep while talking! The coolest people are the ones that are FUN to talk to and fun to be with! You don't have to be cold, to be cool. 2.1.2
Voice Tone and Tonality
D2-T2
Listen to some examples of different tones of voice, how they sound, how they make you feel. Your tone of voice really conveys a lot about who you are, how calm you are, how interesting you are, and says a lot about you. If this is a challenge for you, there are great products and examples of this elsewhere. We will work on this here in this course, but if you really want to work on this even more, there ARE products that focus JUST on this area and you may want to invest in those. Why is this important? • Great voice tone conveys comfort, a sense of being relaxed and calm • It also allows you to express some energy and excitement at different times, not out of nervousness, but because it's appropriate to the situation. The audio section demonstrates these options quite well, and even goes a bit over-the-top to really help you to understand what is being discussed. Examples: One way to think of this is to consider "where" your voice is generated from in your body. Listen as the examples demonstrate: • Speaking through the nose • Speaking through the mouth • Speaking from the chest
Exercises for Speaking Pointers Grab some reading material of some type, something you are interested in, even some of the materials from other products. 1) Take some of that reading material, and read it aloud, focusing on generating your voice from your nose. Read several paragraphs, do this for several minutes. 2) Read some more of that material out loud, and this time focus on speaking by generating the sound from within your mouth (or, focusing on the back of your throat might make this easier to do).
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction® Language and Conversation Course
3) Now read some of the material, but this time really focus upon generating the sound from deep within your chest. Relax. SOUND relaxed. See how relaxed it actually makes you feel and how you really need to BE relaxed to do this! 4) Take a moment, and recall some time in the recent past when you were kind of nervous or fearful. Can you recall how you spoke? Did the way you sound in that situation sound like any of the examples you just did? See the similarity?
Assignments for Speaking Pointers These are your first real assignments in the course. Assignments are where you are given a real task to go out and do - in the real world! To get the most benefit from this course, it's important that you do what you can to REALLY make a point of doing these assignments. Real-world experience will really help you to not just "know" the skills, but to actually HAVE the skills, and make them a part of who you are. 1) Over the next few days when speaking to anyone, make a note to yourself as to how you are speaking, and where you are speaking from (your nose, mouth, or chest). Also, make note of how you felt (nervous, comfortable, relaxed-confident). Make notes below for some of the conversations and see if you can see a correlation between these items. Day/Time
Who you spoke to
Speaking from?
How you felt.
2) In the next few conversations you have with people, really make a note to speak lower. Focus on dropping your voice down from your nose/mouth, and really focus on having that voice generated from your chest. Make notes below as to when it happened, with whom, where you were, and whether or not you DID it! Day/Time
Who you spoke to
Situation (Where)
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Did you DO it?
Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
Strategic Formula for Speaking Pointers Use your best tone of voice (speaking from your chest) to convey a relaxed, powerful, and charismatic presence.
2.1.3
Pacing and Pausing
D2-T15
Listen to the examples where some various pacing is demonstrated, first very very fast, and then far far too slow. Why is • • •
this important? Correct pacing and speed of delivery conveys comfort, and shows that the speaker is relaxed. Speaking too quickly can show tension, or almost a sense of panic. Being able to vary your pacing and pausing can help a lot to convey a sense of intrigue and create interest.
There are many variations: Listen as these are demonstrated • Hurried showing nervousness • Hurried showing excitement • Slow as in hesitant and/or confused • Slow in a way that is deliberate and relaxed
Exercises for Pacing and Pausing Grab some reading material of some type. Something you are interested in, even some of the materials from other products. 1) Take some of that reading material and read it aloud. Focus on reading in a very hurried fashion as if you are very nervous. Read several paragraphs and do this for several minutes. 2) Read some more of that material out loud, and this time focus on reading in a quick and hurried fashion, but go ahead and convey excitement in your voice! 3) Now read some of the material, but this time read it slowly, in a manner that makes you sound as if you are very confused, or don't quite understand the content. 4) Now read some of the material, but this time read it in a slow, deliberate, relaxed, comfortable manner. (Maybe even be aware of where your voice is coming from, as we discussed in the past section.)
Assignments for Pacing and Pausing 1) Over the next few days when speaking to anyone, make a note to yourself as to how you are speaking in terms of your pacing and pausing. Too fast? Too slow? Hurried-nervous? Hurried-excited? Slow-confused?
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction® Language and Conversation Course Slow-relaxed? You don't have to change it yet, just make a note of this after-the-fact and write that down below. Day/Time
Who you spoke to
What type of pacing and pausing?
2) For the next few days, start to focus on changing your pacing and pausing, to convey a more relaxed and deliberate manner. Make note of when, who, where, and if you DID it! Day/Time
Who you spoke to
Situation (Where)
Did you DO it?
Strategic Formula for Pacing and Pausing Use variations in pace, and well-placed pauses, to convey a sense of drama and intrigue in what you are saying in a way that "captivates" people and makes them want to listen to you.
2.1.4
Energy and Enthusiasm
D2-T26
Listen to some examples of how this can sound .... Who cares? Why does this matter? • Most guys are just TOO BORING. It's good to have the ability and range to display passion, enthusiasm, energy, and excitement when appropriate. • If someone else is being interesting, YOU can show an appropriate amount of energy and enthusiasm. • This also allows YOU to convey how interesting someone ELSE is as well. When someone else is being boring, YOU act boring, or bored. By doing this, you get stuck in fewer boring, dead-end conversations. If they do or say something that is interesting to YOU, then you can show more enthusiasm. Page 10
Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
The audio section demonstrates more details about sounding boring/bored and also sounding as if you have energy and enthusiasm.
Exercises for Energy and Enthusiasm Grab some reading material of some type, something you are interested in, even some of the materials from .. other products. 1) Watch and listen to some speakers talk about a boring, dry topic. Watch on either TV, taped lectures, technical presentations, etc. Really pay attention to how they speak, their tone, their pace, and how much (or little) energy is conveyed. 2) Watch and listen to some speakers who use a lot of energy and enthusiasm when they are talking! Really pay attention to how they speak, their tone, their pace, and how much (or little) energy is conveyed. Note how even if the material is something you do NOT care about, that a good speaker can really grab your attention with their energy and enthusiasm. 3) Get some written material that you have NO interest in, which bores you. Read it OUT LOUD in a boring, monotone, bland voice with no energy or enthusiasm. Do this for a good 10-15 minutes. 4) Get some written material that really DOES interest you, and that are excited about, maybe sports, your work, your car, women, whatever it is, make sure it is something that YOU are passionate about. Read it OUT LOUD in an exciting, animated, energetic voice. Think as if YOU are convincing a group of people how great this is! Maybe your Dream Job of a lifetime is dependant upon YOU speaking well and showing how passionate YOU are about this! Do that for a good 10-15 minutes. 5) Take that written material that really does interest you, and read that aloud in a boring, bland, monotone voice. Again, do that for 10-15 minutes. 6) Take that earlier written material about the subject that you are NOT interested in and that really bores you, and read THAT aloud in a way that DOES show energy and enthusiasm! Make that sound as convincing as #4 above. Again, do that for 10-15 minutes.
Assignments for Energy and Enthusiasm 1) Over the next few days, whenever someone is talking about something boring,... go ahead, and BE BORING. When you respond or talk back, BE BORING and show no enthusiasm at all. 2) For the next few conversations you have with people where you ARE interested in the subject, go ahead and SHOW your enthusiasm! Be energetic in how you speak, how you listen, and how your respond.
Strategic Formula for Energy and Enthusiasm Using energy and enthusiasm when speaking so that people can become energized and enthusiastic about listening to and being with you.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
2.2
D2-T39
LANGUAGE TOOLS AND DETAILS
These are the Bit And Pieces • These are the sort of things that can be powerful, but must be done over and over. • Their use must be automatic, because to have to "think about" using them is almost impossible! • You need to be TRAINED TO USE THEM automatically. 2.2.1
Adjectives and Adverbs
D2-T40
Listen to an example where many of these are used in descriptive language. These words modify or in some way describe, nouns and verbs. Most guys are too dry in their speech. They sound cold, boring, and uninteresting, or they are too factual and leftbrained. Most men could be helped by having more descriptive speech, and more ways of talking about processes, feelings, and sensations. Remember, we are working to appeal to the emotions, not the logical side of a person. Most Adjectives and Adverbs are qualitative, they are not things that can be measured or specified. Adjectives will describe THINGS (nouns), while Adverbs will describe ACTIONS (verbs). Examples • Car reviews • Movie Reviews • This course! Exercises for Adjectives and Adverbs 1) Find some written material that deals with something where people are speaking passionately about some subject. It's good if YOU are also interested in it; Cars, sports, movies, whatever... 2) Read it, and make note of the adjectives and adverbs in it. (Maybe highlight them in some manner.) 3) Read that text OUT LOUD, and stress the adjectives and adverbs in it. Maybe say those adjectives or adverbs and put more energy into those words and emphasize them in some manner. 4) Think of three recent conversations you had when you talked to someone about something that you REALLY liked. Note whom you were talking to, and the subject you were talking about. Day.
Who you spoke to
Subject
5) Now, out loud, talk about each thing or subject again, but this time, add more descriptive terms to it, use more Adjectives and Adverbs. Do this for each of the conversations listed above. Re-live it, talk about it in a descriptive way. If you really like this subject, you should be able to do this for at least 3-5 minutes each.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
Assignments for Adjectives and Adverbs 1) Make note of the next 3 times you are having a conversation which deals with something that YOU are really into, that you really enjoy, that you are passionate about. Write down what the subject was, and with whom you spoke. Day
Who you spoke to
Subject
2) Write down a few adjectives and adverbs that you could have used in each discussion (refer to a, b, and c above).
3) Practice out loud how you would have said those things in each of the three conversations. Act like you are really having the conversation again. 4) The next several times any of those subjects come up in conversation, make sure to use some of those adjectives and adverbs in your descriptions. Start with just a few of them, and then maybe add some more as time goes on. Be descriptive, "paint a picture" with your words.
Strategic Formula for Adjectives and Adverbs Use more adjectives and adverbs in your speech to appeal to and excite the emotional side of the listener, so that their feelings, emotions, and processes awaken.
2.2.2
Trance Words
D3-T1
Listen to an example where many of these are used. Trance words are words that "call upon" the subconscious mind in order for them to be processed and understood. They are not "analyzed" in a conscious, factual, or objective manner. Trance words help to "open the person up" so that their subconscious, their emotional side, is listening and more engaged in the conversation. Trance • • • • •
Word List Instantaneously Suddenly Find Yourself Convince Yourself Suppose Page 13
Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course • • •
Imagine Mysterious (-ly) Wonder (-ous) (-ously)
Think of any subject, even something concrete like your job, work, or school. Look at the Trance Word List above. Think for a moment about using those trance words to describe that subject. Doesn't that make it sound kind of "mysterious"? Maybe more exciting? Maybe you can take some normal, almost boring or mundane thing, and make it more interesting? Well, that's the point!
Exercises for Trance Words 1) Make a full list of Trance Words. Write them down below. You can copy the ones you saw listed earlier, but also see if you can add some to the list. Maybe refer to some of your other SS products and see how many more you can find. Trance Word List
2) Watch or listen to some material where people are speaking passionately about something, like advertisements, sportscasters, political speakers, or religious speakers. With that list of Trance Words (above) in hand, see and hear if you can pick out when the speaker is using Trance Words. See how many you can notice. 3) Get out your written SS materials and look for Trance Words (maybe even use THIS course here). Highlight or circle the Trance Words in a few sections. See how many you can find and notice how they are used in context. 4) Get your SS audio materials and listen for Trance Words (maybe even THIS course here). Maybe play one tape or CD, and see if you can pick these out. 5) Take the written text from an SS product (maybe from #3 above) and read it out loud, placing an emphasis on the Trance Words when you see them. 6) Pick two subjects in which you are interested. Looking at the list of Trance Words above, talk OUT LOUD about that subject and see how many times you can use those Trance Words! Subject a. Subject b. 7) Pick a subject that bores you, something that you think is dull. Now speak OUT LOUD about that subject, talk about it, and see how many of those Trance Words you can use. Boring Subject
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
Even though that may seem a bit strange, doesn't that make it-sound more "exciting", more interesting, and more fascinating?
Assignments for Trance Words 1) Pick two subjects in which you are interested. Practice working with those subjects out loud some more and see if you can get even more comfortable using Trance Words when talking about those subjects. The next time you are speaking with anyone about those subjects (in the real world guys!), make a point to use at least one of the Trance Words in the conversation. Subject a. Subject b. 2) Integrate a few more of these words into your every-day description of those subjects. Use them when talking to different people. Just do whatever you can to start using some of them at first, and using more and more as time goes on.
Strategic Formula for Trance Words Using Trance Words will help to get the subconscious mind of the listener to be more of a part of your conversation.
2.2.3
Weasel Phrases
D3-T14
Listen to an example where many of these are used. How do you talk about something without REALLY talking about it? How do you bring something up that may be a bit different, maybe even a bit odd? Maybe even a different topic or change of subject? Or maybe something that you were worried about bringing up, because it may be a bit too forward? Well, that's what Weasel Phrases are for! Weasel Phrase List (see if you can add to the list by listening to the audio). • • • • •
Have you ever ... What's it like when ... If I were to ... If you were to ... As you ...
These also work as transitional phrases, to get from one subject to another.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
Exercises for Weasel Phrases 1) Get some of your written SS materials and look for some Weasel Phrases in the text. 2) Get your SS audio materials and listen for some Weasel Phrases. Maybe play one tape or CD. See if you can pick these out. 3) Take the written SS materials you had earlier, and read some of this material out loud. While doing it, make note of the weasel phrases. Take a moment and try to emphasize them in a way. Maybe pausing for a moment before one, after another, saying one slowly or quickly. Just read the SS material out loud, and do so with an awareness on some level that you are saying and using weasel phrases when they are in the text. 4) Pick a subject in which you are interested. In a moment, we want you to talk about how it FEELS, the experience of it, doing it, sensing it, getting into it, etc. This is necessary to have the kind of words and subjects that lend themselves to Weasel Phrases. (Weasel Phrases tend to provide ways to connect sentences and paragraphs that talk about how something is felt and experienced.) Pick 4-5 different aspects of this "experience" that you will talk about. For example, the subject might be "going to a ball game" (pick your own, don't use that one!)
Now talk about one of these 4-5 aspects for 1-2 sentences, and then use one of the Weasel Phrases and the bring up another "aspect". Talk about THAT one for a few sentences, then use another Weasel Phrase, etc. Do this until you use all 4-5 of the attributes that you listed. 5) Did that sound weird? Strange? Ok ... It will get easier. Try it again. Use different Phrases, and see if you can string things together so that they sound better, that it makes more sense, but selecting different Phrases to link the aspects together.
Assignments for Weasel Phrases 1) Look at the list of Weasel Phrases that you wrote earlier. Pick 3 of them that seem the most natural to you, that seem as if they fit best into your way of speaking about subjects that you may like.
2) Note the subject that you used earlier for doing some exercises with Weasel Phrases (exercise 4 above). The next several times that you talk about that subject with anyone, see if you can use some or all of your favorite weasel phrases when talking about it. Subject
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3) Select another subject that really interests you, and incorporate Weasel Phrases into the next several discussions you have about that subject as well. Subject
Strategic Formula for Weasel Phrases Use Weasel Phrases to keep the conversation going, and to "soften" the way in which something is said, allowing you to say more (and maybe more provocative things) about a subject.
2.2.4
Embedded Commands
D3-T25
Listen to an example where many of these are used. These are small snippets of words and phrases which, when separated from the context, issue a "command" or statement that instructs someone do something, or feel a certain way. Two key aspects of the use of Embedded Commands are often overlooked... • Context - It's very important that the command be brought up in the context of a conversation that is interesting, and where the person's emotions or feelings are somehow active (This "context" issue is discussed later in the product in great detail in Conversational Management sections.). • Repetition - It's not just about using one, once, its about multiple usage (bombardment)!
Exercises for Embedded Commands 1) Get our your written SS materials (written) and look for embedded commands in a few pages of the text. 2) Get your SS audio materials and listen for these. Maybe play one tape or CD. See if you can pick out embedded commands while listening. 3) Take the written SS materials, and read some of this material out loud. While doing it, make note of the embedded commands. Take a moment and try to emphasize them in some way, maybe pausing for a moment before one, after another, saying one slowly, or more quickly. Make a point to "lean on it" a bit. Just say this stuff out loud, and do so with an awareness, on some level, that you are saying and using embedded commands at the time. 4) Pick a topic that YOU are very interested in. Pick something that excites you! Maybe the subject is sports, your job, your car, a place you have traveled, etc. Write down a list of embedded commands, things you would like a listener to think about, feel, or experience while they are thinking about that subject. These are not to be sexual or suggestive, but just general things (feelings or states). Write down things that would make someone interested, intrigued, excited by something. Like "feel excited", "get excited", "get into it", "see how fascinated" - just general things that would cause a person to be interested in something. To make it easy, think of it like this, lets say you were selling something to someone, maybe a car. Think of general statements, feelings, etc, that you want them to experience. Again not "you like that color", instead "you like this" (car), or "you want this" (car), "this is what you have imagined having for yourself.
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5) Start talking about that topic out loud, and with that list that YOU wrote in hand, see just how many of the embedded commands in that list that YOU can say! First, work on just saying them and finding a way to bring them up, and make it sound natural. 6) Do the same thing again, but now focus more on "leaning" on the embedded commands a bit. Maybe slowing down slightly, pausing, changing your voice, just enough to put the emphasis on the command.
Assignments for Embedded Commands 1) Look at the list of Commands that you wrote and practiced that deal with a subject in which you are interested (exercise 4 above). The next several times that you talk about that subject with anyone, start using a few of these commands when speaking. 2) Select another subject that is a part of your life. Maybe it's not a passion or real interest, but something where being influential may help. Maybe you work in sales, or maybe it has to deal with your job, or school. Write down a list of at least 5 commands that work well in that subject, that would assist you in being more influential. Subject Embedded Commands
3) Practice the use of those commands, out loud, in the context of talking about that subject. See how natural you can make them sound. Start to place some emphasis on the command itself. 4) The next several times that subject comes up in your life, make some effort to use some of these commands in the context of a real discussion.
Strategic Formula for Embedded Commands Use embedded commands repeatedly and in the proper context, to create a compelling will on the part of the listener follow you and listen to you.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
2.2.5
Linking
D3-T42
Linking is a way to take the feelings, emotions, and experiences that are being discussed and associate or "link" them to you. In some ways, it's easier than you think! Just talking about a subject and getting her to be a part of the discussion, and getting her to experience, recall, and feel emotions, will "link" them to you. If she is experiencing these feelings in your presence, while looking at you, and talking to you, then on some level that is creating this "link". However, the linking tools and techniques will add to this, and make this "link" even more effective. The most common linking phrase/tool that guys think about is the phrase "now with me". You can also make reference to "in me", "in myself, also "this" and "these" as in "this feeling" of "these feelings", "this interest", etc. What is this based upon? • When talking, you are talking "about" a feeling or sensation, and then making an ambiguous reference to that feeling using your words. For example, if you are talking about a great feeling of excitement that a woman has had or is having, you speak of "this feeling", which is an ambiguous way of referencing what she is thinking about. • In order for her to understand the feeling being discussed, she has to actually feel it to some extent. Just to "process" what is being discussed, she has to feel it on some level (and she will, as long as there is good rapport). • However, when you say "this feeling", you are being ambiguous, non-specific, and inexact. Are you talking about the "feeling" she had at some time in the past? Are you talking about the feeling she is having right now? • Because you are using terms like "this", which is ambiguous (non-exact), then to the deeper levels of her mind, ALL of those possible definitions apply! Then, on some level, you become more associated with those feelings. Linking Phrases - While listening to the audio, see if you can add more phrases to the list below. • • • • • • •
Now with me In me In myself with this these this belief these feelings
Exercises for Linking 1) Get our your written SS materials (written) and look for examples of Linking in the text. 2) Get your SS audio materials and listen for these. Maybe play one tape or CD. See if you can pick out Linking Phrases while listening. 3) Take the written SS materials, and read some of this material aloud. While doing so, make note of where linking is taking place. Take a moment and try to emphasize the linking in some way, using some of the techniques that have been discussed in this course (pausing, change in voice tone, etc.)
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction® Language and Conversation Course 4) Take the list of embedded commands that you created in an earlier exercise (Exercise #4 in section 2.2.4), and see if you can "add" text to each to link them to you in some way. (Again, the linking is ambiguous and doesn't reference you directly.) For example, where you listed "feel excited", you could say "feel excited by this" or "feel excited now" (you can also link things by putting in a reference to NOW). Another example would be to take the phrase "Get excited" and turn that into "get excited by THESE things". You can even add the ever-popular "now, with me" after one of more of the commands in your list. A quick way of doing this is to simply add "this feeling", "these feelings", "this person or thing", etc. Write down the list of commands and an associated linkage phrase for each below. Embedded Command
Linkage Phrase
5) Pick a topic that YOU are interested in as we did before (it can be the same one you used in Exercise #4 in section 2.2.4). Start talking about that topic out loud, and using the list above, see just how many of the Embedded Commands and Linkage Phrases that you can use in your dialog. First, work on just saying them and finding a way to bring them up. In some manner. 6)
Now do the same thing again, but now focus more on "leaning" a bit on the Linkage Phrases. Maybe slow down slightly, pause, or change your voice, just enough to put emphasis on the Linkage Phrase. This may seem strange and sound a bit "off". That's ok. Doing linking in an exercise like this is difficult and hard to make it sound "natural". This will sound easier for you as we go on. As you hear more and more examples of this throughout the course, this will come to you much more easily.
Assignments for Linking No separate assignment for this, it's much better if picked up along-the-way. Plus the next section will make this much easier!
Strategic Formula for Linking After getting someone to experience good feelings and emotions, link them to you so that YOU become something and someone that they feel good about.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course
2.2.6
Easy-Linking (This, That, These, Those)
D4-T1
Listen to an example where many of these are used. This is a new and very effective way to do linking that is easy to learn and master, and it can be done a LOT, for that multiple-instance bombardment that we spoke of before! The idea of linking wild, exciting, seductive feelings to you may be great but, in general, a GREAT strategy is to link anything and everything positive to you (and link negative things away from yourself. Consider four words in the English language: • This • That • These • Those These are forms of pronouns, they reference a "thing", but do so in a general manner, so you are not using a name or specific reference. This means they are ambiguous! Consider this and that. This and that tend to refer to singular items, one "thing". • This person, that person • This direction, that direction • This feeling, that feeling • This sensation, that sensation They differ though in that "this" seems possessive, and "that" is not. For example, "this person" tends to sound like the person that is there, with you, and included. Whereas "that person" refers to someone "away" some "other" person who is not in the immediate area, or not there at the time. So, this & that are singular • This - Possessive (sort of "includes" something) • That - Non-Possessive (seems to reference something "else" or something "away") Consider these and those. In this case, these refer to plural items, with "these" being the possessive form. So, these and those are plural • These - Possessive • Those - Non-Possessive For example, • These people, those people • These directions, those directions • These feelings, those feelings • These sensations, those sensations So, who cares? Well these are almost interchangeable! You can switch this/that in sentences as you wish. (In some cases, there are times when they cannot be switched, but that will be quite obvious when you try to do that). Given that one type is possessive, and one is not, use the possessive form when saying or talking about ANYTHING POSITIVE and use the non-possessive form when saying anything negative!
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course • • • •
This That These Those
Singular possessive Singular non-possessive Plural possessive Plural non-possessive
Anything Anything Anything Anything
Positive Negative Positive Negative
You can learn to do this (to choose which of these words to use) in real-time through training!
Tactical Formula for Easy-Linking Use "This" and "These" when referring to anything positive. Use "That" and "Those" when referring to anything negative.
Exercises for Easy-Linking 1) Say the lines below, out loud, for a good ten minutes. This is good. That is not. These are good. Those are not. 2) Say the lines below, out loud, for a good ten minutes. This person is good. That person is not. These people are good. Those people are not.
'
3) Earlier in the workbook, you have discussed a subject (and written a lot of text about it) that is important to you. Write down (below) ten attributes, or "things about" that subject. For each of these attributes or things, write a small sentence for each, using the correct versions of That, That, These, and those depending on whether the item is positive or negative, or singular/plural. Subject: Attributes or "things about" that subject.
Small sentence that includes that attribute, and the correct form of This, That, These, Those
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4) Talk out loud about that subject for a good 5-10 minutes, and use as many of the sentences (above) as you can while talking. 5) Pick another subject, and once again, list ten attributes or things about that subject, and then write a small sentence for each, using the appropriate form of This, That, These, and Those. Subject: Attributes or "things about" that subject.
Small sentence that includes that attribute, and the correct form of This, That, These, Those
6) Talk out loud about the subject mentioned above for a good 5-10 minutes, and use as many of the sentences (above) as you can while talking.
2.3
MORE TOOLS
D4-T12
Now we are getting into a different area, beyond the small bits and pieces of language. Great speakers use movement to their advantage, and their movement becomes a part of their communication. These sections help to train you in these types of techniques. Anchoring
D4-T13
Anchoring is associating a feeling or emotional state to a sensory experience.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course Many different types of anchoring can be done and we are only going to cover some very basic tools. However we will focus on things that can create a LOT of effectiveness, and that are very very easy to do, and to do multiple times. We will break down many of the component parts of this into skills that we will teach you bit by bit, so that the use of these becomes automatic. 2.3.1
Pointing and Gestures
D4-T14
Good speakers use their hands, and some gestures, to help make their point. Most guys are too boring and too reserved when talking, so these techniques discussed here will help. How to • • •
do this: Get your hands out of your pockets, and way from your sides. Don't flail about wildly. Move!
We will start by generating SOME movement, and then we can work on deliberate movement such as • Pointing towards and away from things • Towards yourself and away from yourself
Exercises for Pointing and Gestures 1) Find a good speaker on TV, maybe a motivational speaker, political speaker, or even a preacher. Watch how they move. They may be a bit over-the-top (speaking to an audience is different than speaking one-on-one) but just watch them for a while. 2) Get one of the text lists from an earlier exercise (weasel phrases, embedded commands, etc). Read some of that text (from an earlier exercise) out loud, talking about a subject that YOU are interested in, and that you are passionate about. Use your hands to accentuate certain points, point up, down, towards, and away from yourself, etc. Get your hands OUT of your pockets and AWAY from your body! Act excited, BE excited! Use your hands and arms for emphasis.
Assignments for Pointing and Gestures 1) For the next few days, make note of where your hands are when speaking. How often are they in your pockets? How often do they just lie by your side and never move? Make note of this after-the-fact, after the conversation has ended. Then later on see if you can start to become aware of what your hands are doing WHILE you are in the conversation. 2) List 3 subjects that you really enjoy, and that you end up talking about with people quite often. Pick something YOU are interested in, and hopefully the conversations are interesting, passionate, have energy, etc. Subjects
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4) Talk out loud about that subject for a good 5-10 minutes, and use as many of the sentences (above) as you can while talking. 5) Pick another subject, and once again, list ten attributes or things about that subject, and then write a small sentence for each, using the appropriate form of This, That, These, and Those. Subject: Attributes or "things about" that subject.
Small sentence that includes that attribute, and the correct form of This, That, These, Those
6) Talk out loud about the subject mentioned above for a good 5-10 minutes, and use as many of the sentences (above) as you can while talking.
2.3
MORE TOOLS
D4-T12
Now we are getting into a different area, beyond the small bits and pieces of language. Great speakers use movement to their advantage, and their movement becomes a part of their communication. These sections help to train you in these types of techniques. Anchoring
D4-T13
Anchoring is associating a feeling or emotional state to a sensory experience.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course For each of these subjects, recall a recent time when you had such a discussion. Do your best to re-enact that discussion (say what you said, etc,), but this time use your hands, arms, and MOVE! Do this out loud, and MOVE. 3) With these three subjects in mind, make a note to go ahead and move, gesture, and animate to some extent the next time you talk about them. Do something, ANYTHING, just start to MOVE. As you get more comfortable with this, make a point to get your hands OUT of your pockets, and AWAY from your sides and MOVE when talking about these subjects, and others.
Strategic Formula for Pointing and Gestures Move, motion, gesture, and accentuate what you are saying in order to be more compelling as a speaker and to get even more attention from your listener or audience.
2.3.2
Linking Gestures (Towards And Away)
D4-T22
This is a fast and easy way to link positive states to you, and to send negative things "away" from yourself. This technique allows you to do this many many times, very easily. Bring Positive things toward yourself, and send Negative things away • You can point towards or away from yourself, or • You can place your hand on your chest or abdomen in a subtle manner (to link things to you) ... • Or hold your hand away from yourself (to send things "away") How to use it • Good to do in the context of being a person that already MOVES when talking! • Make this subtle, no need to WILDLY gesture! • You can do this many many times, and the repetition works for you! • Can do in various contexts; many people move when talking This technique is most powerful when used at a time when emotions and/or imagination are engaged in the conversation.
Tactical Formula for Linking Gestures Whenever you say something negative, point or gesture away. Whenever you say something positive, point or gesture towards yourself.
Exercises for Linking Gestures 1) Stand up, or at least be able to move. Say the following out loud while gesturing in the correct direction: Good, Bad, Good, Bad (gesture towards, away, towards, away, etc.) 2) Grab some of your written SS materials. Read that out loud, and every time something positive is being talked about, point towards yourself, and when anything negative is mentioned, point away. Page 25
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3) Remember the text we used in an earlier example here in the workbook? Read that out loud, and every time something positive is being talked about, point towards yourself and when anything negative is mentioned, point away.
Assignments for Linking Gestures 1) List 3 subjects that you really enjoy, and that you end up talking about with people quite often, (yes, these can be the same as the last set of assignments). Pick something that YOU are interested in, and hopefully the conversations are interesting, passionate, have energy, etc. For each of these subjects, recall a recent time when you had such a discussion. Subjects
Do your best to re-enact that discussion, say what you said, etc, but this time when you are speaking of anything good or positive, gesture towards yourself or place your hand(s) on yourself. Conversely, when anything negative is mentioned, motion away or place your hands/arms away. Do this out loud, and MOVE. 2) With these three subjects in mind, make a note to go ahead and use these Linking Gestures to some extent the next time you talk about them. Start subtle, start with a few, it will become easier and easier.
2.3.3
Easy Linking Expanded (Pointing With This, That, These, Those ...)
D4-T30
Now we bring together Linking Gestures and Easy Linking. Linking Gestures and Easy-Linking together: • • •
Use the pointing/gestures on Positive and Negative things (point towards and away). Use "This, That, These, Those" correctly Combine these and use them at the same time!
When you say This or These, points towards yourself. When you say These or Those, point away. This is veryeasy to do over and over for that repetitive effect, but you don't have to do it every time! That will seem strange!
Tactical Formula for Easy Linking Expanded Positive statement, Say "this", Point to you Negative statement, Say "that", Point away Positive statement, Say "these", Point to you Negative Say "those", Point away.
Exercises for Easy Linking Expanded 1) Stand up, or at least sit where you can move. Do the following out loud:
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course Point to yourself, and say "this". Point away, and say "that". Point back to yourself and say "these". Point away and say "those" Repeat! This WILL help to train you! 2) Remember the text we used in an earlier example? Speak that text out loud, trying to add in more instances of This, That, These, and Those if you can. Use the correct versions of This, That, These, and Those, while pointing towards or away from yourself in the correct manner. Practice it enough and in connection with earlier exercises, it will become automatic.
Strategic Formula for Easy Linking Expanded Combine the use of Linking Gestures (towards yourself when positive, and away when negative...) with Easy Linking (using This, That, These, Those in the correct ways) to associate even more positive feelings, states, and emotions to yourself.
2.3.4
Easy Anchoring - Point or Touch, On Positive
D4-T35
Let's look at anchoring in light of the 80/20 rule (where 80% of the results come from 20% of the effort). Can we apply this to anchoring? Yes! • We need a way to do some basic anchoring that is very simple, and able to be done many many times. It may be good to anchor feelings, specific states, and thoughts to you but in a general sense, it's very useful to Anchor anything and everything positive to you! In some ways, we are doing that already by pointing "towards" on positive things and "away" on negative things using Linking. But to get even more effectiveness when anything positive happens, or when the person you are talking to goes into a Positive state, touch them! This "Easy Anchoring" works in any context: • they laugh, touch them • they smile, touch them • they seem to go into a pleasant state, touch them This is best done in a "moment" with some emotion, a laugh, a realization, an expression, etc. The more that "emotions" are being accessed, the more effective it tends to be. Do this in a way that maybe makes it seem like you are doing it for emphasis, but actually, you are anchoring them in a subtle way. This is more easily done if you are standing at the side or at an angle. If you are head-on directly in front of a person, it's more difficult. Also, it's good to be close enough (within arms-length) so that the "touch" is easy to do.
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You probably do this already in certain situations, without really thinking about it, such as... • Think about when you greet a friend, maybe pat on the back. • Think about when you meet and are introduced to someone, but yet have some degree of rapport already (maybe this is a friend-of-a-friend, maybe someone who you have heard about). What do you do? You shake their hand, but in many cases, you grab their upper arm as well. • When joking with someone, you just touch his or her upper arm or upper back. This is the same type of thing, but a bit more "deliberate".
Tactical Formula for Easy Anchoring When the person you are talking with displays a positive feeling of some type, a smile, laugh, interest, intrigue, etc., touch them to help anchor it to you.
Exercises for Easy Anchoring 1) Think about the last 5 times where you touched someone in this type of way. (Not romantically, just a touch.) Maybe a handshake Maybe a pat on the back Maybe a funny gesture Make a note of the person, and the situation or topic being discussed. Write those down. Person
'"
Situation, or Topic being discussed
2) Recall those 5 times, vividly. See if you can recall how it was, and note to yourself the correlation between how long the touch lasted and the level of rapport. Also note the degree of eye contact.
Assignments for Easy Anchoring 1) The next several times you shake someone's hand, make a point to hold it just slightly longer than usual, also make a point to make and maintain eye contact as well. 2) Spend some time looking for moments (positive ones) where a touch would be appropriate. A laugh A moment of recognition or realization When someone starts talking quietly, directly to you.
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At first, maybe you don't touch them, but as you notice these moments, think "I could have touched them THEN". You are noticing this after-the-fact. 3) Now that you have started to notice these "moments" where a touch would be appropriate, we want you to actually DO IT! So, see if you can have at least 5 instances of knowing, in-the-moment, that a touch is appropriate. Then, when you have the chance, DO IT!
Strategic Formula for Easy Anchoring In general, anchoring and associating yourself to positive and intriguing feelings in other people helps to make them feel positive towards and intrigued by you.
2.4
REVIEW
D4-T46
We are well on our way, and you have already learned a LOT of the detailed speaking, language, and movement skills that will be used later in the course. •
SPEAKING POINTERS o The "Cool" Factor • You don't have to be cold, to be cool o Voice Tone And Tonality • Nose, Mouth, Chest o Pacing And Pausing •
•
•
Slow, Fast
• Pause o Energy And Enthusiasm • Passionate or Boring? LANGUAGE TOOLS AND DETAILS o Adjectives And Adverbs • Be descriptive o Trance Words • Instantaneously, Suddenly, Find Yourself o Weasel Phrases • If I were to .. o Embedded Commands • Can you do this now... o Linking " with me... o Easy-Linking • This, That, These, Those MORE TOOLS o Pointing And Gestures • Move! Point! o Linking Gestures • Towards And Away o Easy Linking Expanded • Pointing With This, That, These, Those
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o
Easy Anchoring • Point Or Touch On Positive And Negative
With these parts behind you, we will move onwards to work on Language Structures, and later to Conversational Management techniques.
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3.0
LANGUAGE STRUCTURE AND TECHNIQUES
D5-T1 We have been working on bits and pieces of language, the sort of things that you need to get used to doing automatically, all of the time. These were tactical details, things that you should not even have to really "think about", but will hopefully at some point, be able to just "do". Now we are moving "up" a level, into higher-level stuff, or "bigger chucks" as we say. These techniques give you ways to use and arrive at languaging in a manner that will make you more persuasive, and more influential in general. 3.1
PACE AND LEAD
D5-T2
Pace and Lead - A way to change directions • In someone's way of thinking • In the conversation To make a change in direction in some manner, it's best to meet or join someone in some way, show understanding (does not have to be agreement necessarily) and then ... move them ... towards where you want things to go. Fast and abrupt changes ... Are they useful and possible? • • •
Trying to knock or jar someone into a different direction or way of thinking can be risky. You MAY be able to do that, but you can break rapport in the process. Changing Topics and Subjects - Can you just abruptly jerk a conversation towards where you want it to go? Maybe, however you can break rapport. Changing the Viewpoint or Frame if Mind - Can you just knock someone into agreeing with you? Can you be that bold? Yes, but you need a lot of power to do it and you risk breaking rapport.
Pace and Lead allows us to "join" someone, move with them conversationally for a while, and then take them in some direction. Challenges •
Can't you just bluntly offer a different view? Yes, but you must do so powerfully and do NOT look for "acceptance". The minute you do anything like that to get someone else's "approval", or to try to "impress" them, you are lost.
•
Agree or not agree? - Some people misunderstand and think that to "Pace" means to "agree". It can mean this, but agreeing is just a special case. To "Pace" means to just BE a part of the conversation. You might disagree, you might bring up a new way of looking at it, you might make comments (some that agree and some that may not) but the key is that you are "Taking part in" the conversation and topics at hand.
•
Don't argue! - Some people try to display higher knowledge or value by "arguing", telling someone they are wrong, incorrect, etc. You almost NEVER impress people that way! To pace/lead well, acknowledge what the other person is saying, then and give them another way of looking at it. For example, say things such as... o That's one way to see it o I understand your point Page 31
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o o
That's interesting I see what you are saying, I also think you can see ....
Impressing someone with your knowledge, or, Arguing! Many smart guys study these techniques and technologies, and some of then want to go out and "impress" people with their newfound knowledge. That hardly ever works. To TRY to IMPRESS is bad, the implication is that you NEED someone's approval. Instead - BE IMPRESSIVE! People really don't like to be proven dumb or wrong! Most people are offended or "put off by such attempts. In addition, if you attempt to do that, it makes YOU look bad, as if you "need" their approval.
Strategic Formula for Pacing and Leading Pacing and Leading allows you "be" in the conversation for a while and gain rapport and information, allowing you to move things more in your favor later on.
Tactical Formula for Pacing and Leading Show agreement, understanding, acknowledgement, and/or interest, Then start to move or shift things in a different way, a way that you want.
3.1.1
General Pace and Lead Techniques
D5-T9
Here are some examples of ways to do these steps with example wording for each. The point here is not to memorize these "lines", but to really get a sense of being IN the conversation, showing that you are a part of it, and then moving things forward in some manner. Let them know you are listening and understand (using wording such as shown below...) • Yes, I see • That's interesting • I get it • Hmmmmm ... • Ok ... • Alright... Maybe • • • • • •
continue showing an understanding or interest So what you mean is ... So if I understand this ... Ok, I get it, ...it's like this... I read/saw/heard the same thing ... Let me make sure I understand ... So, what you are saying is ...
Then start to direct things in a different way ... • Well, have you thought about this ...
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• •
I hear you, and what else is interesting is .... •-. That's a good way of looking at it, something else that is important is ....
The Formula for Pacing and Leading is ... acknowledge and then start to shift things ... Maybe you want to shift things more and/or bring up another issue or viewpoint entirely (or maybe you actually disagree) • That's one way of looking at it, however I think ... • Yes, I understand, I have also heard ... • Ok, that makes sense, another way of thinking about it is .. • Alright, but on the other hand... Some general methods you can use to introduce the "leading" aspect, you can talk about... • What you know, believe, understand • What a friend or colleague has said • What you heard • What you read • etc. 3.1.2
Pace and Lead - Topics and Subjects
D5-T12
Lets say you find some people talking about a topic. Do you walk up, interrupt, and start an entirely new topic? No. (Well, you can, but that takes a lot of power and has a lot of risk.) A better way is to enter the conversation, talk about it (Pace), and then move the conversation into areas that you want it to go (Lead). Examples: • You are in a conversation and the topic is cars. People are talking about prices, loans, etc. You acknowledge what is being said, contribute to that conversation (pace), and then start to bring in the idea of how a car handles, how it feels, and how exciting it is to drive certain cars (lead). • People are discussing clothes, various brands, types, etc. You talk about that with them (pace) for a while, and then start to bring up the idea of how clothes make you feel, how you feel differently when wearing different things ... etc (lead)
Tactical Formula for Pace and Lead - Topics and Subjects Show agreement, understanding, acknowledgement, and/or interest in the topic or subject. Then start to move or shift topic or subject in a different way, a way that you want.
Exercises for Pace and Lead - Topics and Subjects 1) Think about some recent conversations you have had with people about different topics, hopefully these conversations and/or this topic is something that occurs a lot for you (based on interests you have, people you know, etc). Recall a specific "moment" in each conversation. Note what was being discussed, and what point was being talked about. Make a note of each of them. Also note, where did that actual conversation go next?
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Conversation with whom?
What were you talking about in this "moment"?
Where did it go next?
2) Pace and Lead Gently Out loud, practice as if you were talking in each of the discussions above, and paced the conversation and topic, and then lead it in some direction. In this exercise, simply show agreement, understanding, and/or interest, and then lead in the same general direction. Maybe bring up a new example, new point, new issue, but just sort of "take over" the conversation. 3) Pace and Lead in a New Direction Next, for each of those instances, provide an example where you show agreement, understanding, and/or interest, but now start to "move" things in a new direction. Maybe the conversation that you had started at this one "point" and went in a specific direction ... Now, for this exercise, practice taking it in a new and different direction. Maybe introduce a different aspect of the topic or subject, something not mentioned before, or not normally talked about. The key is to first show agreement, understanding, and/or interest and THEN do this "shift", and you LEAD things in a different way.
Assignments for Pace and Lead - Topics and Subjects 1) Make note of three conversations that you tend to have with people on a regular basis. Person or People
Subjects we discuss
2) The next times these conversations happen, make a point to "Show agreement, understanding, and/or interest" (Pace). Then "Then start to move things" (Lead) in your own way, Do this by introducing a different aspect of that topic, or a related topic/subject. Don't make this shift or change really abrupt or different, just make a point to sort of "direct" where things move, even if that direction is close to where it was going anyway. Just make sure YOU are the one that moves it. Note the text and examples given earlier as a way to do that. 3) Once you can do the above, now make a point to have your "Lead" incorporate a real change of some type.
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Normally, even without your input, the conversation tends to go in a certain way. The earlier exercise had you just keep thing moving in that same direction. Now you are to "take" the conversation somewhere else towards a different or related topic. Just introduce a new aspect of the topic, a different thing, a different direction, so that you are really "leading" where things go. Remember the language that you were shown earlier. Use languaging like... You know what ELSE is interesting You know what * l * have found (seen, felt) Another way of doing this would be .. You know what ELSE can happen ... is ...
3.1.3
Pace and Lead-Mindset or Frame of Mind
D5-T20
You can change the way people look at things, their mindset, and their "frame of mind". For example, imagine you are having a discussion and people are talking in a certain "frame of mind" (not directly, it's just their way of seeing things). The point here is to acknowledge that frame, and then introduce another way of seeing things, another "frame", or another "mindset". What is • • • •
a "frame"? In general it's ... A way someone "sees" something. What it "means" to them. The way they "feel" about it. The significance or meaning that it has.
Looking at the formula for Pace and Lead, you apply that by first acknowledging the current Frame, and then start to lead by bringing up another way of thinking about it and/or looking at it. You bring a new "frame" into the discussion. (This is a way of shifting that way people LOOK at things, the significance that it has, or their mindset regarding certain topics or behaviours). In the earlier example of Pacing and Leading of Topics and Subjects, we were talking just about a thing, a topic, or subject. Now we are talking about a feeling, or the way things are "seen" or what they "mean". For example, people may be talking about: • Taking risks • Feeling good or bad • Having a good day or a bad day • Making choices • What an event "meant" to them • How someone else actions affected them • How a decision affected them. There is a "frame" (of mind) behind each of these discussions and with proper technique, that frame and mindset may be changed. Look back at the "Methods" section earlier for some details and examples of how to introduce this pacing and leading (there are some lists of languaging examples provided). Examples: •
You enter a conversation where people are talking about risks, Risks at work, risks in finances, risks in life. You Pace by discussing this for a while. The frame or mindset here is that risks are bad, dangerous,
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have consequences, etc. Then you start to lead by bringing up the idea that some risks are fun and interesting.... some risks have good rewards, some risks make you feel alive, etc. (Risk was framed as dangerous, now its being framed as exciting). •
Another conversation has a woman talking about what she looks for in men; she talks about what their professions are, and what "kind" of man she likes (height, weight, etc). The frame here is that she has her "standards" and that this is good for her. You agree on some level (pace) and chat about that, then start to move into talking about how men do this as well; some men will just "write off a woman that is a certain size, who is like 5 lbs overweight, or may be perfect but with the wrong hair color (lead). The frame you are bring up is how superficial it is to judge based on numbers and details, and how anyone of quality ... looks for more. (You are shifting her frame so that she may start to look at different things in men, and you are working to change the way she screens out guys.)
Tactical Formula for Pace and Lead - Mindset or Frame of Mind Show agreement, understanding, acknowledgement, and/or interest in the mindset or frame of mind ... Then start to move or shift the frame by introducing another way of looking at things... Towards a way that you want.
Exercises for Pace and Lead - Mindset or Frame of Mind 1) Think about some recent conversations you have had with people about different topics, where the point of the discussion in that moment was: The way they "see" something. What it "means" to them. The way they "feel" about it. Recall a specific "moment" in the conversation. Note what was being discussed, what point was being talked about. Make a note of each of them. What was the "frame", the viewpoint, the assumption? What is the frame of mind behind the viewpoints that they had? Write down the topic, the people, and the "frame" that was in use. With whom?
Topic?
Mindset / Frame of Mind
2) Pace and Lead Gently Practice as if you were talking in that discussion, and paced it, and then lead it in some direction. In this exercise simply Show agreement, understanding, and/or interest in the Mindset or Frame of mind, then lead in the same general direction. Maybe bring up a similar way of looking at it, a new meaning, or provide a relevant example. Just sort of "take over" the conversation. Again, the frame of mind or mindset is the focus here. Do this OUT LOUD.
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3) Pace and Lead in a New Direction Next, for each of those instances, provide an example where you Show agreement, understanding, and/or interest in the Mindset or Frame of Mind but now start to "move" things in a new direction. Maybe bring up a different viewpoint or way of looking at it, what it "means" that is not really in agreement with what was said. Maybe acknowledge and then bring up an opposing view. Maybe bring up a way of looking at things that is totally different. Maybe find a way, some way, to find a positive way of looking at the situation. The key is to first Show agreement, understanding, and/or interest, and THEN do this "shift", and you LEAD things in a different way. Do this OUT LOUD for each example.
Assignments for Pace and Lead - Mindset or Frame of Mind 1) Make note of three conversations that you tend to have with people on a regular basis. These should be of a type where THE "frame" or mindset is something of which you are aware. Think about discussions where YOU can see that these people involved are working on a certain set of assumptions, a frame of reference, maybe even limiting beliefs or beliefs that really hold them back. Examples: someone complains a lot, but really his mindset is the problem someone talks about wanting something different, and they are the one not taking risks someone is prejudiced or judges other people, and HE is the one with the limitation someone complains about work and the managers, and says they are cheap, etc someone looks at a political issue, and makes assumptions (has a certain frame) about people or groups, and their motivations
etc. Write down these subjects, and the frame associated with each. With whom?
Subject/Topic?
Mindset / Frame of Mind
2) Pace and Lead Gently The next times these conversations happen, make a point to "Show agreement, understanding, and/or interest" (Pace). Then "start to move things" (Lead) in your own way. Do this by introducing a "way of looking at it" that is similar to the one that is already being used. Don't make this really abrupt or different, but just make a point to sort of "direct" where things move, even if that direction is close to where it was going anyway. Basically, you are just acknowledging the Mindset or Frame in this example. A good way to do it is to show agreement and understanding, and maybe point out a similar example from your own life, or something someone said, or something you heard or read.
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3) Pace and Lead In a New Direction Once you can do the above, now make a point to have your "Lead" incorporate a real change of some type. Meaning, even without your input, there was a certain "frame" being discussed, or assumed by the people involved. The earlier exercise had you just sort of "run" with that, and allow the conversation to continue with the same frame of mind in place. Now you are to "take" the conversation somewhere else and bring up a new mindset or frame of mind. Just introduce a new frame, and new way of looking at things, a new mindset, a new aspect of "what it means". Some ways to do that is by saying things such as... You know, another way of looking at it is ... • At least it's not like XYZ... Well, it might not be that bad, it could be ... A friend of mine used to feel the same way and they... A "safe" way to do this would be to find a positive way to look at the situation. This may be different from the way the subject or belief WAS framed or thought of, but just find a positive way to look at what is being discussed. Again, focus on the Mindset or Frame, point towards a specific Mindset or Frame that is of YOUR choosing.
3.1.4
Pace and Lead - Current Reality
D5-T29
If you look at the languaging used in things like hypnosis, or used by very powerful speakers, these techniques are used a LOT. What is done here is that you Pace based on something that is obvious (obvious in their "current reality"), and then use that to lead someone somewhere. This is a small-chunk detail and technique, but it can work well and adds to the power of the languaging. The general way to approach this is: •
•
•
Start by pacing something that is obvious about their current reality ... (for example, using words such as) o As you are ... o As you feel... o As you see .... o As you realize ... o While you are ... o While you see ... o While you think .. o While you are ... o After you have ... o etc. Continue to Pace by maybe stating an obvious point about their current reality o seeing XYZ o feeling XYZ o thinking about XYZ o etc. and/or express what is on their mind, "Pace" their mindset.... o You are probably wondering Page 38
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•
•
o As you are thinking about o I know you are concerned about o The issue that may be on your mind is o The question you may have is Begin to lead .... o you will then ... o you will start to notice o you may realize o you may start to think o you may see how ... o notice what its like as ... o another thing you will see/feel/notice is .... Point them to where you want to lead them .... o state what you want them to see/feel/hear/realize
Examples: • As you are listening to this program ... • You are talking to someone at work ... "as you are watching this presentation ... then you are probably wondering ..." • Physical demos use this a lot. "As you feel this, you will begin to notice this ....", and "As that feeling builds...." • You will hear a LOT of this in this course (which is part of your re-programming!)
Tactical Formula for Pace and Lead - Current Reality As (while ) you) are "X" (Pace) Where "X" is something that is true in their current reality (perceptions, thoughts, etc.) •
Then you will "Y" Where "Y" is something you want them to experience (Lead)
Exercises for Pace and Lead - Current Reality 1) Listen to this section again. Rewind or go back a few tracks. Really pay attention and see how many times I have done pacing and leading in this manner. Make note of how many times I have paced your current reality, what you are thinking, what you are hearing, what you are reading. The more you hear this, the more it will "sink in".
Warning - Pacing Reality too much can seem arrogant. If you spend too much time saying things similar to "I know what you are thinking", it starts to become annoying to the listener. 3.2
GIVE THEM A REASON
D5-T32
Give someone a reason for someone to listen ... and do. Studies have been done with persuasive language that show that giving a reason will make people more apt to do things for you and agree with you.
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Don't worry about "losing your power" or being too "nice", you don't need to be concerned about these things. You are not being apologetic or anything, just providing a reason. Examples: • You walk up to a copier at work and there are three people in line. If you just say, "Is it ok if I make copies next", then it may be difficult to get people to agree. However, if you say "Is it ok if I make copies next, because I am really in a hurry" then, remarkably, the addition of this small "reason" will make people much more agreeable and apt to let you do what you would like. • You are talking to someone and you would like to pull her aside and make the conversation more private. If you say, "hey, lets move over there", they may go with you. However, if you say "Let's move over there because it's more quiet" you will be amazed at how much more agreeable the person may be. This technique does not provide a 100% guarantee; it just helps to make people more agreeable (and there are statistics to support that as well).
Tactical Formula for Give Them a Reason Request X because (of) Y
Exercises for Give Them a Reason 1) Make note of the last five times you asked someone for something, or asked someone to do something. The examples will be better if these are people you do not know, or at least people that are not close friends of yours. Write these down. Person
What did you ask for?
2) Practice out loud how you might "ask" for that favor or make that request again, but put in a reason of some type. 3) Go through the same list again, and out loud, come up with another reason.
Assignments for Give Them A Reason 1) Make note of five routine situations that you have in your life where you are asking for something. It could be asking for coffee, requesting something, asking "can I pay by credit card", anything. Write these down.
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What do you ask for?
2) Practice out loud some "reasons" that you could give in these situations. 3) The next times these situations come up in your day-to-day life, go ahead and mention the "reason". See if you can make it automatic, and flow easily.
3.3
LISTING
D6-T1
Listen to an example where many of these are used. This technique has been developed based on observing how many good and influential people speak: • Successful sales people • Charismatic speakers • Good debaters • Component of hypnotic languaging « Very important. Power in Numbers - Repetition in a way that serves you. • When you give a reason, or make a point, or make a statement, don't just provide one reason, point, or excuse; provide several. • When you give several reasons at once, it's difficult to debate them all or object to them all (not to be combative, just as an example) • Hypnotists use this technique a LOT. • Training for sales people use this quite a bit, and quite well. • For the sake of a conversation, the items that you will "list" need to be brief points, so that your one "opportunity" in a conversation to make "a" point, actually ends up being several points. • This is somewhat similar to a "pace and lead", you get someone to agree and then lead them 3.3.1
General Listing
D6-T4
Strategic Formula for General Listing General Listing is a way to quickly provide several reasons, which support your point.
Tactical Formula for General Listing When making a point, statement, or giving an example, "List" several things or examples which support your point, in order to provide more power to what you are saying. Page 41
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Example (see the listed items shown as 1,2, 3, etc.) • I know this may sound a bit different (1), strange (2), and somewhat new (3), but as you listen to it (1), really recall listing to good speakers (2), and start to think about in a positive way (3),... you may begin to agree. In many ways, listing is like pacing and leading. Maybe your first two items in a list are obvious, true, and the types of things to which no one would object. Then, the third item may tend to "lead" someone in some way. Listing can be short, as in saying three items - each of which lasts just a few seconds. Each of the items in a list can also be much longer, where each lasts several minutes.
Exercises for General Listing 1) Lets say you are talking to someone about "Meeting people", and/or what it's like to meet people. Now, briefly, what are three ways that can go? Good? Bad? Indifferent? Exciting? Boring? Pick three and write these down What are three "ways" that the experience of "meeting people" can go?
2) Now practice out loud by saying something like "Isn't it interesting how you can meet people and it happens in different ways? I mean sometimes ...X and then other times ... Y, and still, sometimes ... Z (selecting your items listed above). Do that out loud. Now try again by expounding on each of the items, so that you don't just say "X, Y, Z", but instead you talk ' about each for a few moments. Mention the first item, talk about it for a sentence or two, then the second, etc. 3) Pick an example of an activity that you do often. Something you are interested in, maybe watching sports, doing some type of work, playing a game, partying, etc. Select a particular aspect of that activity. Pick three ways that can go ... make them brief. Write them down. Activity that you like or do often List a particular part of aspect of that activity
"
What are three "ways" that can go?
4) Now describe "What its like to do your activity ..." and mention those three different ways, as a list. 5) Think of three recent conversations you have had with people where you were making a point, maybe trying to convince someone of something (NOT an argument-just that you were making a point and would like to be more persuasive). For each conversation, write down who it was with, what point you were trying to make, and maybe 3 different things that support your "point". a. Who you were talking to
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Point you were trying to make Three items that support your "point"
b. Who you were talking to Point you were trying to make Three items that support your "point"
c. Who you were talking to Point you were trying to make Three items that support your "point"
6) Recall a specific moment in each conversation. Now practice, out loud, how you could bring up these three points in a list-like manner. Do that for each of the three examples above.
3.3.2
Listing - At The End
D6-T15
If several items are mentioned in a list (for example a car, a table, and an elephant) what tends to "stick" in your mind? (The Elephant!) The last item! By hanging an item at the end of a list, it sticks in the listener's head more, and tends to make THAT point the most important one. In the earlier Listing examples, we were talking about three points in a list that all were similar. You weren't trying to emphasize one point vs. the other; you were just listing several things in a list. However, at times you want to use listing as a way to highlight or focus upon one item. Placing that particular item at the end of a list can have that effect. Maybe you want your list to contain many options, or different types of alternatives (to a thought, activity, suggestion, etc) By doing that, it makes it seem as if you are being fair, and just providing a series of options. However, by placing YOUR preferred item at the end, you put more emphasis on it. Here is a way to think about it. Maybe you want to list several options or examples. Normally, the one that comes to mind the easiest is the one that YOU want someone to agree with. Therefore, it's easy to think of that Page 43
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one. Say that one LAST and bring up two other options, examples, or instances FIRST, and then finish with YOUR preferred item. Again, this is one of those subtle but very powerful things that many persuasive speakers do a LOT. Examples • •
•
• •
•
•
•
Fun activity. In general, lets say you are talking about doing some activity. o It could suck, it could be boring, or it could really be fun. Now those are different ways of seeing it. They are not all the same, but by placing "it could be fun" last, you put more emphasis on it and it tends to make that one "stick" more. This course, o May be frustrating to you, maybe it's boring, or maybe you are really seeing the power of all of this! I think you can tell which option I was going for! Meeting People, Again let's bring up this example of "meeting people". o You know what it's like when you meet someone ... Sometimes there is nothing special, those people doesn't mean much either way ... o Other times you get that sort of a "friend" vibe with that person, you know ... they are nice, interesting, etc ... o And other times ... you meet someone, and there is just something about this person.. I mean, you just really click and you feel this connection ... you know? See how I did that? See how the item which I really wanted them to think about.. was said that at the end? By the way, did you notice the use of the words this/that/these/those? Also where do you think I might have been pointing and gesturing during those examples? Job interview o Have you talked to many candidates? Yes, I know, I have had to do that myself at times. It's interesting though, how they can almost become a blur, one after another. When I have interviewed a lot of people, they sort of fell into several groups o There are some people that, right away, you know that those people are NOT qualified (1) o Others you maybe have thought were ok at first, but you spend some time with that person (2) and the more that person talks, the more convinced you are that that person is NOT the one! o Hopefully though, you eventually find this person that on some level, you just know - that is the one (3). It may be because you like the resume (a), or this person presents himself really well (b), or they just have the right answers (c). It's just a matter of getting to this person... See? Not only did I have a list of three (1,2, 3), and the third one "eventually find this person" was the one I wanted to really "stick", but even when describing that person, I put another list within THAT description (a, b, c)!
Strategic Formula for Listing - A t The End Listing at The End is a way to provide several options (which may differ) but to emphasize the option that YOU want.
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Tactical Formula for Listing - At The End When making a point, statement, or giving an example, "List" several things briefly in order, but mention the one which YOU want to put the most emphasis on, LAST.
Exercises for Listing - At The End 1) Lets say you are going to spend a day or evening with some friends, and you are all figuring out how you are going to spend your time. List three possible things that you could do and write these down. Three things that you and your friends could do (activity)
2) Practice, out loud, mentioning all of these in a list. However, make sure that the one that YOU want to do, is the item you mention LAST. 3) Do that again, but place some more emphasis on that last item. Maybe pause when saying it. Maybe add an embedded command of some type. Maybe add a small "list" within that last item (because it's inexpensive, close, and we always have fun ... etc.). 4) What is an example from your life (recently), where you are trying to convince people to do something, go somewhere, buy some thing, agree to some point, etc.? Write down what the "issue" is, and what the result is that YOU want. Issue or Option
What do you want?
5) Now, out loud, talk about the issue, and bring up at least two other "options" BEFORE you mention the one option that you want.
3.3.3
Listing - Burying Items
D6-T24
When using a List, placing something at the end can add to its power and make it stand out. At times however, it can be TOO obvious, and seem too direct. Maybe you want to suggest something very direct or quite controversial and you do NOT want to give it too much prominence, and therefore you do NOT want it to stick out too much. In that case, it makes sense to "bury" that item in the middle of a list. Here is a way to think about it. You want to mention or suggest something that is quite strong, maybe controversial. You may want to "test" to see how the person will react to it. Go ahead and suggest that item, but bury it inside a list. Examples: • Sales - Let say you arc trying to get someone to buy something, and they are haggling or objecting a bit. If you say
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•
•
• •
•
"Well, its your choice, maybe you aren't ready to buy this now, or possibly you still want to negotiate... or maybe you want it so much, that you will just seize this chance and get it while you can! That sounds almost TOO forceful. The idea of " seize this chance and get it while you can" is something rather challenging to say (as the seller) that directly, and when you say it at the end like that, it seems too obvious. But if you switch the order, it seems a bit easier for you to say it... o "well, it's your choice, maybe you aren't ready to buy this now, maybe you seize this chance and get it while you can ... or possibly you just still want to negotiate ..." Doesn't that sound better? Meeting at a Party - Lets say you have met a women at a party, and you are talking about you two getting together sometime, and maybe there is a possibility of you even spending that night together. So maybe you say something like o "Well, we can talk in a few days, we can leave together right now, or maybe I'll call you tomorrow". See? Putting that one, more powerful and direct statement in the middle, seems to "lighten" it up somehow. It also allows you a chance to watch the persons reaction to it. If she gasps and has a look of shock and horror when you make that suggestion, maybe it IS too direct. But of she smiles and seems interested, that may be a GOOD sign.
Instead of thinking about it in terms of a list, lets say that you want to say something or suggest something that is very direct. Very direct. Sometimes you have that "direct" item in mind and you surround it with other, more "appropriate" items to lighten it up. This is also a good way of testing someone's response. Lets say your idea is so controversial and over-the-top, that you are almost "worried" about how the listener may react. For example, lets say you are working on a project and things are behind schedule. There are several options but, honestly, one of them is to just slip the deadline. However, just suggesting, "let's slip the deadline" might be a problem in some circles! So when people are talking about options to help the project, you don't just say "we can slip the deadline". Instead, bury it inside a list.
Strategic Formula for Listing - Burying Items Listing - Burying Items is a way to mention an outrageous or very direct option for "testing" purposes, or to maybe see if you can get someone to agree to it!
Tactical Formula for Listing - Burying Items When giving examples or options to someone, you can get away with an outrageous or very direct option by burying that option in the middle of a List.
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Exercises for Listing - Burying Items 1) Go back to the previous exercises where you said some "lists" out loud. Look at the items that were listed and see if one of them maybe seemed very "strong" or "direct". If there is not one, go ahead and create a new item that is very outrageous or direct. Go ahead and change the order of the list that you used earlier. Bury the strongest item, or the most direct item, in the middle and see if it is a bit easier to imagine saying that list. Try it out loud. 2) Practice out loud how you would say that list in the situation you used in the previous exercise. Try saying it with the strongest item at the end, and then trying saying that item in the middle, see if it seems easier to say. 3) Think of some recent situations where you would have liked to mention a quite outrageous or direct suggestion. For three different situations that have come up in your life recently, write down an outrageous or very direct suggestion that you would have liked to make (for each). Situation
Outrageous or Direct Suggestion
4) For each of those examples (above) go ahead and practice out loud, suggesting a List of options but burying that outrageous option in a list. See if you can make it sound natural, you may even want to say it in a joking way, but see if you CAN say it.
Assignments for Listing - Burying Items 1) As you go out and live your life, you will probably encounter some situations where you might want to suggest something quite outrageous or direct. After these situations occur, make a point (afterward) to think about that outrageous option, and go ahead and practice how you COULD have said it, by burying it in a list. Situation
Outrageous or Direct Suggestion you could have made.
2) In the near future, as any opportunities come up where you would like to make an outrageous or quite direct suggestion, go ahead and do so, but do it by burying it in a list.
Listing can be powerful, but as with any technique, if you do it TOO much or too blatantly, it can stand out too much and be annoying.
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3.3.4
Listing, Pauses, and Emphasis
D6-T36
You may be worried about coming up with three things in a list - How do you think of them quickly? How do you make them sound natural? Don't worry! It is ok to have pauses! Pauses make things sound more natural and gives you time to come up with options! We talked about the use of pauses as a way to convey some drama and to make things interesting, to "pull" the listener in, so this all works in your favor! Just be interesting enough to keep their attention, and they WILL stay through the pauses! As you are saying various items in a list, remember to use emphasis and change your voice tone with the items. Maybe you want to stress one item more or less. Maybe one or more of the items actually has an embedded command in it. Using pauses, emphasis, changing tone, etc. can help to alter how the options (and you) are perceived. 3.3.5
Listing Review
D6-T37
If you want to get your point across, and provide many examples to support it, then mention several of your points or examples that support what YOU want, in a List. If you must suggest several different examples or options, but have ONE that YOU really want to emphasize or get people to agree to, place that item at the END of the List for more power. Or, if it's a VERY outrageous option, then present it buried within a List of options. 3.4
MORE AND MORE...
D6-T38
You have heard language like "The more X, then the more Y, and the more Y, the more Z". I gave an example (in the audio) of several things I wanted someone to do, think, or experience, and I just strung those together . Lets use this as a chance to really step back for a moment and look at this structure, and see how, really, this is just a way of bringing together many of the things we have learned. So, thinking about languaging such as "The more X, then the more Y, etc", consider this: • We talked about listing ... o See how we are listing several items? • We discuss Pace and Lead ... o See how that is being used here? • We have discuss language details .... o See how they are incorporated, as in ... "the more YOU FEEL this ..." "More and More" is just a way to use these and bring them together. In a way, we are pacing and leading, and using lists, while incorporating the language tools we have already discussed. In a way, you are walking someone through a series of steps or thoughts. The general structure here is: • •
The more X o where X is something that is hopefully quite obvious and true to the listener ... then, the more Y Page 48
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• •
o Where Y is something that is a logical extension of what the listener knows and they see this as something that makes sense ... and as Y happens o or as you sense Y, or realize Y, or as Y is happening ... then, the more Z.
That's a general version of it. The small words and verb tenses (past, present, future) can be altered to make it fit well. You can even start by "pacing" a bit more, with "as X is happening", or "as you notice X", which is more of an example of using Pace and Lead of their current reality. • • • •
As you (or while you) X ... ... then, the more you can notice Y ... and the more Y happens ... then the more Z starts to happen, etc
How to use it. Instead of seeing this as a new type of language, or a new "pattern", see it as just a way of using many of the things we have already covered! More and More tends to be best thought of as a "List". If you have something that you want to lead someone through, like a series of successive steps (things you do, step 1, 2, 3,) or thoughts (things you experience or think about, as you feel this, you notice this, etc), then just list them but use "more" as a way to go from one to the next. As an alternative, you can use "as you" or "while you" as a way to bridge between sections as well. The best way to do this is to start off with the first item as quite general, agreeable, and something obvious. THEN make the next item (more...) specific, towards what YOU want, and even more so with the next (more...) item. You are "leading" someone, more and more, from a general item towards something that YOU want.
Strategic Formula for More and More If you want to lead someone through a series of steps (actions, experiences, or thoughts) use "More and More" as a way to string them together (and increase your chances of that happening.
Tactical Formula for More and More The more X, the more Y. The more Y, the More Z, etc. As you X, the More Y, the More Y, The More Z, etc
Examples • Convincing friends to go do something that you want to do. o You can start off with something obvious as a statement to kind of pace them, and then use More and More to lead them forward ... • Sell TV sets... o walk someone through though process ...
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•
Talking to a woman .... o Walk her through the process, more and more, of what you want to have happen.
Exercises for More and More 1) Consider the idea of convincing some friends of going to a movie. Think about a series of steps, that start off in general, but more and more get closer to what YOU want. Think of all of the things you can do tonight Realize that going to a movie would be a good idea Going to see the latest XYZ movie (use whatever movie you wish) See how that is a series of steps? Of thoughts? Like leading someone down a path? Now out loud, practice and see if you can talk about these one by one, and string them together using "more", or as alternatives; "as you" or "while you". Do that several times. Don't just say "more", work around it and make it sound natural. 2) Think of the last time you were trying to convince a friend to do something, maybe an activity, a plan, a trip, a movie, something. Think of three "steps", a series of thoughts or actions that, if the person followed them, they would end up doing what you wanted. The first should be obvious, something simple. The next is another step in the series, more in your direction, etc. Think of three "steps". Write these down. What you were trying to convince a friend to do Three steps, to get towards doing what you want.
3) Now out loud, practice saying those in series, using "More". You may start with "As you" or "while you" for the first one. Do the series several times, as if in a conversation. 4) Think of another series from your life; something you convince people to do (or wish you could), or something you want to lead people to do somehow, or have them experience; something with which you are familiar. (Agree where to go to dinner, what to do, what to buy, what project to work on, who should do what, etc.) Write down three steps, or series of thoughts or actions, that would "walk" the other people through the process of agreeing with you. The first should be obvious, the second, more leading, etc .... What do you want to convince someone to do Three steps, to get towards doing what you want.
5) Out loud, practice saying those three steps, and bridging between them as we discussed earlier (More, as you, while you, etc.)
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Assignments for More and More 1) In the exercises, we had you think of something from your life, where you could have a series of "states" lead someone through the process of doing what you want... becoming more and more convinced. Practice that series more! Get very familiar with it. Maybe add or change some of the reasoning. Just make sure that with that subject, you are able to easily go through such a "sequence", and even change the specifics of that sequence. 2) With that "More and More" sequence practiced, look for opportunities to use that in your life. Maybe just try 2 of the 3 steps once or twice. But get to the point where you can flow easily through the 3 in a series, and piece them together and have it sound natural.
You will see that the more you get these bits and pieces, the more you will understand how they fit together. The more that happens, the more things like "knowing what to say" and "what pattern to use" will become easier and easier for you! Notice how we are not doing these examples necessarily with women? Wonder why? 3.5
COMPARE AND CONTRAST
D6-T54
Listen to an example where many of these are used. A Tactic for Talking • Too many guys let a good conversational subject finish far too quickly. This method provides a way to keep the conversation going. • You are just comparing and contrasting things, this is a means to keep speaking, to continue, and move a conversation. • It's not magical in a persuasive sense; it's just a good way to think about discussing a subject, or various aspects of a subject, or several different subjects. • This works especially well if the subject of the discussion is one that "works" for our purposes (fun, exciting, seductive, etc.) • Too many guys focus on standard lines such as "So what do you like about X". This Compare and Contrast method here gives you a way to talk about and around the subjects at hand. • It also a great way to get information about the person with which you are speaking. How to use it. • •
Take a subject and either mention another aspect of that subject, or else have the person you are speaking with mention it. So, you have two (or more) aspects of a topic, and you discuss these two aspects using Compare and Contrast.
There are various means of doing this, you can talk about... • How two things are similar • How two things are different • Good - Bad • One option - another option • Black - White • Right - Left Page 51
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• •
One aspect - another aspect -. One attribute - another attribute
As you are talking, you can use all of the other tools we have discussed. • Notice what is liked and not liked • Notice any reactions, good or bad. • Link anything good to you. • Anything bad, link away. • • Use opportunities to use commands and trance words to create thoughts, feelings, states, that are good for you. As you are talking, you can take note of how the person is responding, what they like, what they do not, etc. This all provides a good way to allow the discussion to continue for a while, and to let the person think about, experience, and feel those states and emotions for a while as well.
Strategic Formula for Compare And Contrast Use this technique to keep the conversation going, keep the discussion focused on a topic that serves your purposes, and incorporate the language tools.
Tactical Formula for Compare And Contrast Take any subject, idea, or point in a discussion. Select another subject, idea, or point in a discussion ... then discuss these by comparing and contrasting. How do these differ How are they the same Which is good-bad, better-worse, easy-difficult, etc. Use the other language tools during the discussion.
Examples • One brand of car vs. another brand, you can talk about one car, and discuss whether the handling makes it better, or its power. Then discuss the other car, and talk about its attributes as well. • Maybe what is more important to a sports team, the offense or the defense, or individual sports vs. team sports. You discuss this, compare, and contrast these things. • Decisions about a career or job, deciding to focus on making a good living now, vs. taking a position with a more promising future. • You may talk to a woman, and you start to talk about something she likes and enjoys doing. o Maybe you start to ask her about it (have a discussion with her - about her) and she mentions various things about that subject. o You select two items, two facets of that subject, and start to compare and contrast the two. What is different about each? How are they the same? How are they experienced? What is good? What is bad? etc. o While talking about what she does like, you can anchor and link positive things to you! o While talking about things she does not like, you can anchor those away from yourself; associate them with things other than you, her, this meeting, and this situation that you are sharing. • You talk to someone for a while and she say she likes scuba diving.
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• • • •
Maybe you ask about it, she mentions various things about it. She says she likes the aspect of it being very quiet and serene under water. Also, she finds the experience of seeing new and different things to be interesting as well. o So we talk about the feeling of quiet, peace, and serenity on one hand o and compare and contrast that to the feeling of something new and different on the other. Familiarity vs. Something New Control vs. Letting Go Safety and Excitement Liking someone mentally and/or physically
Exercises for Compare And Contrast 1) Pick some possession that you have that you REALLY like (car, computer, bike, clothes, etc). Now think of what is opposite to that - same type of thing (another car, different computer, different style of clothing, etc). Now talk out loud about each, and compare/contrast the two. This example uses a very obvious "Like vs. Not-Like" set of things to compare and contrast. Something that you like Something that is opposite 2) Now take that same topic, and talk about it again, but this time put some effort into being very aware of the positive and negative things that are being said, and anchor/link/point appropriately. Be aware of your language! Throw in adjectives and adverbs. Be descriptive! Use pauses; change your tone of voice, your pacing, etc. Maybe some of the language that you are using that may lend itself to be embedded commands, etc. Be vary aware that even when you are discussing the thing you "Like", that within that may be attributes that are good, and those that are not good. Be mindful of that and anchor/link appropriately. In addition, the same holds true even when discussing what you do NOT like. 3) Recall a recent conversation with someone you know, where they were really describing or talking about something they like, and various things about that subject or topic that they like. Re-enact that conversation again, and this time, offer the compare-contrast ways of discussing it. As in "so let me make sure I understand this .." or ..."Oh, so if you like THAT, then I KNOW that you would NOT like THIS ...(because)...", etc. Use compare and contrast to talk about each of the attributes that your friend would say they like about that subject. Subject or thing that they like Attributes (things about) that, that they do like
Do the re-enactment again, and this time, be very aware of the positive and negative things that are being said, and put effort into correct linking/anchoring/pointing to associate positive things to you, and negative things ... somewhere else. 4) Select two of the following 4 topics... Page 53
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Control vs. Letting Go Safety and Excitement Liking someone mentally and/or physically Familiarity vs. Something New Now do your best to speak out loud and "talk" about these for a while using a Compare and Contrast structure.
For even more Power There IS a very powerful aspect of this technique that is important to mention. There ARE many things that people tend to THINK of in an "either-or" way. For example, Safety vs. Excitement. People tend to think you have one OR the other. However there ARE ways to have BOTH. By comparing and contrasting them, you can show someone how that can be possible. Think about the possibilities, of having all of the positive aspects of Safety, and the positive aspects of excitement, BOTH linked and anchored to YOU. YOU are then showing someone how BOTH of these things can be experienced, together. 3.6
PARTS
D7-T1
Listen to an example where these are used. Two types of parts we can work with ... Parts of a subject, and parts of a person 3.6.1
Parts Of A Subject
D7-T4
This is a variation on the contrast principle, this just helps to keep things moving in a conversation. Too many guys just blow things to quickly, and say (for example) "what do you like most about scuba diving" or "what is the most fascinating thing about..." and that's ALL they talk about! Yes, it is GOOD to focus on the positive aspects of what she likes, but when you go STRAIGHT for the BEST thing that she likes the MOST, and that's ALL you discuss, it's too weak, and you lose out on spending a LOT of time having them discuss something that she REALLY likes! This is just a way to have a discussion. If you are talking about an interesting subject, theme, topic, etc. that is fun, exciting, etc. then talk about all of the various aspects and parts of it. Parts, Some are good, some are bad • Talk about the good parts, link them to you • If the bad or boring parts some up, link away Now this may seem tough - Who wants to talk about something that you are NOT interested in? However, this provides a good way to train you to be able to talk and ask questions of people, and get them to talk about what THEY are interested in. Who knows, you may end up liking the subject and find a new activity for yourself! Don't worry that you will "give the wrong impression" by inquiring and discussing these "parts". Meaning, if you are asking many questions about something that is NOT of interest to you, this doesn't necessarily show that you
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are interested in it (the subject). You are just asking, just curious. If someone asks you about this, just say "I like learning about people, new things, what people do, etc." This technique makes it easier to have conversations with people because THEY are giving you information and ideas for new things to ask about. This is a great way to build rapport with a person as well.
Strategic Formula for Parts of a Subject Discussing many of the parts of a subject keeps the conversation going, allowing you time to gather information and link yourself to good thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Tactical Formula for Parts of a Subject Take any subject, idea, or point in a discussion. Break it down into its component parts and discuss them. Link good thoughts, feelings and emotions to yourself. Use the language tools in the discussion.
Examples • Scuba Diving - Don't just "talk about" Scuba Diving! Or, don't just ask "What is the most exciting thing about Scuba Diving?" That IS a good question, but if you start there, it's hard to talk about that subject for a while. If she LIKES scuba diving, that an opportunity to talk for a WHILE about something she likes, and enjoys, and she may have a lot of positive emotions and feeling associated with that - many of which can be linked to you. o Where have they dived? o How did they get into it? o What's their favorite place? o Do they have their own equipment? o Do they use different types of equipment for different locations? o How long have they dived? o Have they ever been in danger? o Have they taken photos? o Have they met interesting people? o Has this exposed them to any other cool sports or activities? o etc. This isn't just a way for you to ask ask ask HER about things. Subjects come up, topics come up,... be comfortable talking about all of the parts of that subject.
Exercises for Parts of a Subject . 1) Pick a subject that you like, maybe a hobby, activity, sport, area of interest, artistic endeavor, etc. Now, list various "things" about that subject, that you know, know about, like, don't like, etc.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course For example, if your subject was football, and you were going to have someone (who knows very little about the subject) interview you and learn all about football, what parts about football would you want them to ask about? For your chosen subject, make a list of these parts. You should easily be able to come up with 10-20 items. Subject: Parts, or Things About, That Subject:
2) Think of one of your friends or family members and some activity or topic that THEY are really into. This should be someone you know well, and you have heard him or her talk about this, but hopefully this "subject" is something you are not really into. Now, if you were going to talk to them for like 30 minutes about that subject and were really going to ask them about it, what would you ask about? What are all of the various things and aspects of it that YOU could inquire about or that could come up in a discussion? These are the "parts" of that subject. Write these down. You should be able to come up with at least 10 items. Person: Subject: Parts, or Things About, That Subject:
3) Now think of someone who you are NOT close to (that you do not know that well). Someone that you recently met, or maybe someone in your life that you don't know very well, like a co-worker, maybe a cousin you hardly see or talk to, someone you met at a party, etc. Now think of something that THAT person is interested in or they are involved with. Maybe their hobby, passion, a job they like, etc. If you have trouble, maybe pick a different "person" as your subject.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course The key here is that this is someone you don't see often, don't know really well, who is interested in something that you are NOT familiar with. If you were going to talk to them for like 30 minutes about that subject, and were really going to ask them about it, what would you ask about? What are all of the various things and aspects of it that YOU could inquire about? What are the PARTS you could ask about? Write these down. Again, you should be able to list at least 10 items. Person:
"
Subject: Parts, or Things About, That Subject:
4) Think of another person and subject, like the exercise above. You know the person but you are not real close to them. The subject they are interested in is something with which you are NOT familiar. Now, out loud, off the "top of your head", mention like 10-15 different things you could ask or inquire about that subject. Person: Subject:
Assignments for Parts of a Subject 1) Sometime soon, when you are speaking with a friend or family member that you know well, make a point to have a good 10-15 minute conversation about a subject that THEY are really interested in, but with which you are NOT familiar. Make a point to ask about many different parts of that subject. 2) Sometime in the future, when you are speaking with a person you do not know hardly at all (yet you feel you will be able to talk to them for 10-15 minutes), make a point to have a good 10-15 minute conversation about a subject that THEY are really interested in, but with which you are NOT familiar. Make a point to ask about many different parts of that subject. And of course the entire time, They are talking about something THEY like Thinking about it, experiencing it, and feeling it, while YOU are there And you are linking and anchoring things to yourself Using all of the language tools and details And that person is finding YOU so fascinating and charismatic ...
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3.6.2
Parts Of A Person
D7-T15
Listen to an example where this concept is used. In this context, "parts" are meant as in a personality trait, a way of thinking, or part of a person. This can be VERY powerful. A key concept to think about is to ALWAYS assume that there is a part of someone that does agree with you, or has the same wishes that you do. • If a person is shy, there is a more adventurous part to themselves • If a person is outspoken, there is a more quiet side • If a person is well-thought-out (thinks things through and takes time), there is a more decisive, more spontaneous side to them. Let's say you are in a discussion with someone. • If an adventurous, fun, exciting part of a person is being discussed, and they feel that way, great. • What if it is not? What if they say they are shy, or reserved, or normally don't "do" certain things? • Then talk about that first (shy) part, verify it, and then say (for example)... • "That's because there is another part, that XYZ part", (where XYZ is a different or maybe the opposite behavior, that part of the person or type of behavior that DOES agree with you), and start to discuss and validate that OTHER part. Let's break this down. In a discussion, if a personality trait, a "side" to the person, a way of acting or being is being discussed (and one that does not necessarily work in your favor) ... • Acknowledge the first part that is being discussed, directly or indirectly o For example, if the person is shy o "I understand how some people are shy, they hold back, they are quiet.. etc." • Bring up and acknowledge the fact that there is "another" part, or side, or view, or way of looking at it, experiencing it... o Either in general like "there may be another side" o or more directly... "you may have the other side" o or by example "I know someone like that, and I have found she has this other side, etc." o "Many people like that also have another side to themselves, another part hidden away, that is more ... adventurous ...." o "You may have (or do have) another part (or side, etc)" o "I know someone similar who as this other part to themselves, etc" • Discuss this new or other "part" o "With many people, that adventurous side is just waiting to come out, just looking for the right time. In fact a friend of mine is very shy and one time, what she did ... etc." • If this new or other "side" works more in your favor, lean more on the language and linking tools to bring it out, make it be experienced, link it to you. o "When you start to listen to this adventurous side .... etc." • There will be a lot of this shown in examples here in this section and at the end of the program. Because you are discussing several things, or parts, in a way you are also using Compare and Contrast as well. In many ways, we are also reframing! We are changing the way they look at things, their reactions, their way of walking through and looking at the world. Don't Confront, Discuss. You do not want to appear to challenge or invalidate and personality trait that is being shown.
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• • •
Many times you don't want to say "because there is another part" because that seems too direct, too confrontational, it may sound like you are arguing or challenging the person, so be careful. Remember, you are NOT discussing this as to say, "you are wrong" or to show how smart you are! You are just talking, having a conversation, etc. You can work around this issue (of possible confrontation) by saying things like o "I think another way of looking at that trait is ... o "Well, I understand you have that side to you. People have many sides to themselves. This one side .... etc etc etc. There are also other sides to people ... o "A friend of mine does that as well, and what I noticed about her is that she also has this other side to her... o "I have a friend who was "X" (where X is the trait being discussed), and she realized that she, deep down, was also "Y". o "I was reading somewhere about things like that and what it was saying was. ..."
Strategic Formula for Parts of a Person Use Parts of a Person as a way to find, discuss, and evoke favorable states, feelings, and beliefs, even when the other person claims or demonstrates that such parts are NOT there.
Tactical Formula for Parts of a Person For every part of a person that will work against you, assume there is a part that will work WITH you. Find a personality trait, way of thinking, or part of the person (mostly something which has a negative connotation) Acknowledge that personality trait, way of thinking, or part of the person by discussing or addressing it Think about a personality trait, way of thinking, or part of the person that is somehow related (which works in your favor) or somewhat opposite, that can work in your favor. Introduce and discuss that "other part" in a way that works to your advantage.
Examples: • Lets say that a person says they are not into taking challenges; they like to play things safe. Well, that may be true but also there is another part of them ... • Maybe someone says they can be jealous... • Maybe someone is secretive... • Maybe someone lies ... (not good in a person, but it can be handled ...)
Exercises for Parts of a Person 1) What if someone says, "I am boring". What personality traits (or what other parts or ways of thinking) are similar? Which are somewhat opposite? Write down 3 that are similar, and 3 that are opposite. Traits similar to "Being Boring"
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Traits opposite to "Being Boring"
Of those that you listed, which could you maybe "use" in a good way? 2) Think about how you would discuss the boring part, and then bring up this other "part" that you selected. Look at the formula earlier, and some of the variations mentioned for language examples. Imagine a conversation and how you might do this. Practice this out loud. 3) What if someone says that they are shy? What personality traits (or what other parts or ways of thinking) are similar? Which are somewhat opposite? Write down 3 that are similar, and 3 that are opposite. Traits similar to "Being Shy"
Traits opposite to "Being Shy"
Of those that you listed, which could you maybe "use" in a good way? 4) Think about how you would discuss that shy part, and then bring up this other "part" that you selected. Look at the formula earlier, and some of the variations mentioned for language examples. Imagine a conversation and how you might do this. Practice this out loud. 5) From the list you just made (and selected from), pick another part or trait. Now do a similar exercise again out loud, but this time, be aware of opportunities to maybe mark off an embedded command or two (or more), maybe do some linking an anchoring, use this/that/these/those ... etc. 6) Lets say someone says "I am not into meeting any new people right now" ... What personality traits (or what other parts, or ways of thinking) are similar? Which are somewhat opposite? Think about 1-2 that you could use. Traits similar to "not into meeting any new people"
Traits opposite to "not into meeting any new people"
Practice out loud how you might first discuss "I am not into meeting any new people right now" and then transition into the other parts or traits that you selected.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Language and Conversation Course 7) Do the above example again, but ROW see how many of the speaking and language tools you can use. 8) Lets say someone says they have trouble meeting new people, being open, trusting their own judgment...? What other part, trait, etc could you discuss? Try that out loud. 9) Lets say someone says "I only like dating my TYPE"? What other part, trait, etc could you discuss? Try that out loud.
Assignments for Parts of a Person 1) For the next week or two, make note of when you are having a personal conversation with anyone. See if what they are saying describes or is pointing out any personality traits (or a "part" of themselves, or mentions a "way of thinking"). After the conversation, make a note of these traits or parts. See if you can arrive at a similar part or trait that you can discuss that could be used in your favor. Or, see if you could maybe think of an opposite one that could be discussed.
Conversation with
Traits or parts that were discussed.
Opposite (or similar?) trait or part that might actually work in your favor
2) After you have become more comfortable noticing such traits after-the-fact, see if you can notice them WHILE talking to someone. You don't have to discuss them (yet) just make a point to note these traits, or parts, WHILE talking to someone. 3) Now that you can recognize these traits when talking to someone, start to bring them up IN the conversation. Use the formula and the variations mentioned earlier. Just notice the trait or part being mentioned, acknowledge it, and then point out some other trait or part that might work in your favor somehow. An easy way to do this is when a friend or acquaintance is being self-deprecating in some manner, or putting him or herself down for some reason. See if you can note that "part" of who they are, and then find a way to discuss another part that is more favorable or positive.
3.7
OPPORTUNITIES AND CHALLENGES
D7-T34
Listen to an example where I structure opportunities, and offer challenges to you on the audio. You have probably heard the phrase "structure opportunities, and offer challenges" many times when studying these materials. This area has caused some confusion, and has been a bit difficult for many to really understand
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and utilize. In this section, these concepts are broken down and offered to you in a way that will truly help you to be able to use these powerful techniques. Why this matters. • Show that you have standards, and that you believe in yourself. • Show that you are qualifying and screening to some extent. o This is the opposite of pleading and the "pedestal" scenario. o You are saying in a way, "You may be beautiful, but I am looking for more." • This is NOT about arrogance; you are just showing that YOU have standards. 3.7.1
Using Their Own Processes
D7-T36
If you know what people want to have, or want to be perceived as having, then by using their existing desires, you are using processes that they ALREADY have in their minds. For example if someone is intelligent, and wants to be seen as intelligent, then they already have mechanisms for that in their mind. You then find some way to set things up so that choosing to listen to you, or be with you, is a way for them to show their intelligence. It's good to somehow work with structures and things that are already in someone's mind. If you can somehow frame or map yourself as being a way for a person to fulfill things that someone already wants, this can be very effective. You are in, effect, using motivations that a person already has.
Strategic Formula for Opportunities And Challenges Find or assume what someone wants Create an opportunity for them to get it or demonstrate they have it Make that "demonstration" work in your favor. Challenge them to demonstrate it, do it, or show it.
3.7.2
What do people want?
-
D7-T38
"Universal Wants" = Good. Work with universal things that people would like to have, or like to be perceived as having. • Use these general things and assume they are there. • It's easy, but may not be the most effective strategy. • These are also good and convenient for practicing and examples. Universal Wants • Confidence • Maturity • Security • Self-Directed • Intelligence • Control • Excitement
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"Particular Wants" = Better! What does THIS person want? •
Notice o o o
•
Finding these particular wants and desires o These "wants" can be possessions, or maybe a value, or an image she wants other people to have of her. o Talk to her and find out what she wants or needs, wants to have, or be seen as having "X". o Talk about what she does, what she likes to do, her interests. o Talk about some of yours and see how she reacts. o Always have the question below in mind, What does she want to have, or want to be perceived as having?
3.7.3
particular things that this individual would like to have or be perceived as having She mentions wanting respect She defends her position, and discusses what is important to her She mentions something she likes or dislikes about a past boyfriend, etc
Mini-Challenges
D7-T40
There are certain things you can assume that most people may want to have, or want to be perceived as having. You can imply a "test" for these things by issuing a mini-challenge. You are challenging an ASSUMED desire (a "Universal Want"), and challenging them in a way that says, "you can show me that you have the thing you desire, by listening to me or agreeing with me". •
Mini-Challenges o You might get this ... o You seem smart enough ... o You seem cool enough ... o You seem like you may have good taste o etc.
•
Mini-Challenge Cheat Sheet o You seem ... o You seem like ... o You seem as if... o Maybe you can ... o The smart people I know, can (use smart, or adventurous, or fun, etc)... o I wonder if you can ... o Are you able to ... o You might see ... o You may ... o You might... o If you can ... o If you are able to ... o etc. o Try using some of the above items, along with the Universal Wants listed earlier!
We assume here that with a mini-challenge, we are using one of these sort of "universal" wants, but if you can find or work with specific wants or desires, that's even better. Warning - This technique can be overused, and it can really annoy people if you do!
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Tactical Formula for Mini Challenges Assume something she wants to have, or be seen as having. Make a statement that says, in a way, "Show me you have that thing by listening and/or agreeing with me" or, "By listening to and/or agreeing with me, you will show me you have that".
Exercises for Mini-Challenges 1) Try piecing together items from the Universal Wants List, and Mini-Challenge Cheat Sheet, and see how many combinations you can come up with.
3.7.4
Opportunities and Challenges
D7-T43
Think of it like this, • Find what someone "wants". • Create an opportunity for them to get that • Make it so that them "getting" that works in your favor. • Challenge them to see if they will follow through and take action to get it.
Tactical Formula for Opportunities and Challenges Find something "X" that the person wants to have, or been seen as having You can assume based on normal things that people want (Universal Want) or Get information from talking (Particular Want) Create an opportunity for them to get or demonstrate "X", by doing "Y" Make "Y" something that works in your favor. Challenge the person to do "Y".
What does someone Want? Assume, or hopefully find, what someone wants. • Universal Wants • Particular Wants Opportunities, Creating Them Consider the wants and needs that a person may have ... (and again, here we have to "assume" things for the sake of teaching) ... • Confidence • Maturity • Security • Self-Directed • Intelligence • Control • Excitement
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You need to create an "opportunity" for each of these, where this opportunity benefits you (and hopefully pertains to the situation). Examples... •
Confidence - How can you create an opportunity for someone to appear confident (that works in your favor)? o Discuss people that YOU know, and how the confident ones are able to take chances and have fun. o Talk about how confident people can make their own choices, on their own, even if their friends don't approve. o Mention how confident people can meet someone new, and feel very comfortable with that. o Let the person demonstrate how confident they are, by meeting this "challenge".
•
Maturity - Think about maturity ... what does a mature person do? How are they seen? How do they react? o They make their own decisions o They trust their own judgment o They can decide to do something NOW. o They can go against the grain. o They can do exciting things. o ... Talk about those things, talk about DOING them, and/or HAVING them.
Provide a way to demonstrate that they DO have what they want, or want to be seen as having Structure this so that it is something that YOU would like them to do. Provide an example of someone, or some way for this person to capture the opportunity • Provide an example of something she can say or do... • Provide an example from your own life. • Maybe point out something a friend did ... • Mention something that you have read. How can you make that sound like a way for them to "show" something? How to create an opportunity? • Here is a way for you to show me that you really have or was able to get X. • Here is a way a friend of mine showed that they have or was able to get X. • Here is how I read/heard that someone else had or was able to get X. Create the opportunity for them to show or demonstrate that they have or are perceived as having, something they want. Challenges Are they ready to take advantage of that (this) opportunity? Challenge them to get what they want, or show what they have. Examples: • Does she really want X and see how Y can get that? • Does she really have X, and see how doing Y would demonstrate it?> • Does she have what it takes to get X, by doing Y? Page 65
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• • • • •
Does she want you to THINK she has X, then ... she may have to do Y to prove that.. Can she see an opportunity to have "X", and do Y to get it? Can she do Y and make it happen? Can she see that Y will get her what she wants? Can she trust herself enough to do Y?
•
etc.
They want X. Are they ready to do Y, to show or demonstrate that? Examples: •
•
•
Security o Say she wants to feel secure. You talk about a friend who has always wanted to feel secure, and she found that by taking chances and risks, she actually felt more secure about being able to take care of herself. Is she ready to take chances? Take risks? Do something different? Maybe not ... Success o Maybe "success" is important to her. You discuss success for a while, and mention that you read somewhere that successful people tend to be able to trust their own judgment, their own intuition. Later, you mention "We should get together sometime,.. I mean, as long as you trust yourself enough to feel that is OK ..." Adventurous o Maybe she wants to feel adventurous. You talk about that for a while, what this means to her, how she may be adventurous. Then at some point you talk about you and her getting together, and say something like "well, I don't know if you are adventurous enough for this, but...".
I know this is tricky. It's different from the way most guys think. It's NOT about creating an argument! Again, • Find out what someone wants. • Find a way to map what YOU want, to be a way for them to get what they want. • Challenge them to do that. Exercises and Assignments for Opportunities and Challenges 1) Make a list of some assumed things that many people may want to have, or be perceived as having. These are your "Assumed Wants". Assumed Wants
2) Write a Mini Challenge for each if the above items. Some examples are shown below, there are others shown earlier.
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Dave Riker's Speed Seduction® Language and Conversation Course "you seem like ... "you may .. "you might... "lets see if this makes sense to you "see if you can follow this ..." Mini Challenges
3) Practice the list of Mini Challenges you just created, out loud 4) Make a note of some of the ones you practiced that seem closest to something you could easily say or do with people in your life. Practice these more, and go out and actually USE them for a while. Note some of your favorites ones below, and focus on using these.
5) Think about some people that you know quite well like family, friends, co-workers, etc. For each person, write down something that each wants to have, or wants to be perceived as having. Hopefully these are specific to them, quite unique, and NOT just things from the "assumed" list. Write down these "Wants". Person
What they want to have, or be perceived as having
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6) Consider the "want" that you identified from each of those persons above. Is there a way to create an "opportunity" for them to get or achieve that? Can you somehow create an opportunity that can be "mapped" in some way towards yourself, or that in some way could be interpreted, even subconsciously, as making them look at you more positively, want to do what you wish, etc? Give that some thought, and write them down. What is the opportunity, and how can you "map" it to yourself? Write down these "Opportunities". Person
Opportunity for them to get what they "want" that somehow works in your favor
7) For each "want", and "opportunity", see if you can create a "challenge". Some way that questions ... are they ready? Can they take action? Can they DO this? Write down these "Challenges". Person
Challenge
8) Practice each of those "Challenges" out loud. See if you can make it sound natural. Example - A friend wants to be really good at a sport, and they spend a LOT of time practicing. (You want that friend to lighten up and be able to spend more time going out and having fun.) So you challenge their dedication to their sport by saying "I was reading about really good athletes and one thing that was pointed out was that a lot of them really can get burned out. The good athletes find a way to relax and have fun, and that allows them to be better at their sport." The "opportunity" is for them to be a better athlete. You are "mapping" it to you because by doing what you discuss, they will be doing something that YOU want.
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9) As you become more familiar with these practiced challenges and opportunities, see if you can bring them up in conversations over the next few weeks. 10) While you are talking to people for the next 1-2 weeks, really focus on what each person desires. What do they "want". Try to guess, but also ask some questions and get into a discussion about it if possible. 11) For the next 1-2 weeks, do the same in terms of observing desires, but now also start to look for "opportunities and challenges" in a way that directs their desires towards you, to do things that you would want. Do what you can to bring these up while in the conversation if you can.
3.8
AMBIGUITIES
D7-T64
If you have studied this material for a while, you no doubt have heard many examples of "ambiguities". These are those words or phrases that can mean more than one thing. They may have one meaning in one context, but in another context, they mean something different. This is one area that many guys actually ARE able to pick up and use easily if they have listened to the materials enough. Listen, listen, listen, listen, so that you have heard them SO MANY TIMES, that these become familiar. Although there could be a section in this course that deals with these areas, given that this IS an area that many guys are able to do (with enough listening) and given the many OTHER areas that really DO need the assistance of a program like this, we will not be doing any specific work on Ambiguities. 3.9
SUMMARY
D7-T66
Bringing it together, look at how many items we have covered so far... •
•
•
•
SPEAKING POINTERS o The "Cool" Factor o Voice Tone And Tonality o Pacing And Pausing o Energy And Enthusiasm LANGUAGE TOOLS AND DETAILS o Adjectives And Adverbs o Trance Words o Weasel Phrases o Embedded Commands o Linking o Easy-Linking (This, That, These, Those) MORE TOOLS o Pointing And Gestures o Linking Gestures (Towards And Away) o Easy Linking Expanded (Pointing With This, That...) o Easy Anchoring - Point Or Touch On Positive And Negative LANGUAGE STRUCTURE AND TECHNIQUES o Pace And Lead " Topics and Subjects * Mindset of Frame • Current Reality o Give Them A Reason
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o
o o o
o
o
Listing • General • At the End • Burying Items More And More Compare And Contrast Parts • Parts of a Subject • Parts of a Person Opportunities And Challenges • Mini Challenges • Opportunities And Challenges Ambiguities
These are the building blocks for good Language skills. These are the sorts of skills that are most workable when they are truly "wired in" to someone, so that they are able to be used automatically. To try to "remember" to do such things can be very difficult. That approach would make having a conversation far too difficult and too much work! The best way is to work with these techniques SO much that these truly are just a part of "how you talk". With enough practice, and hearing these enough, you CAN have these become a part of how. YOU talk! So listen, practice, do the exercises, do the assignments, and do that all again, until these really do become a part of you, and a part of how you speak.
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4.0
CONVERSATIONAL MANAGEMENT
D8-T1 A key aspect of making these tools work is getting the conversation into topic areas that will really work for you. The language tools you studied earlier are best used in the proper context, and in this section, we will learn how to get the conversation into areas that will create that context. Have you had these problems? • You JUMP too quickly into a pattern or topic, and it sounds really strange? • You just THROW a pattern AT her, and get a weird reaction? When you use these tools, or even use "patterns", it's not enough to just "say it", there has to be the correct CONTEXT for what is said! It's a process that she needs to go on and through with you. It's not enough to just find a conversational excuse to "throw" a pattern (or language tool) AT her! This section is about finding ways to just get into an interesting conversation and then towards and onto good topics. We want this to seem natural, and with some understanding, practice, and a few key strategies and tactics it will BE natural and automatic! 4.1
CHALLENGES
4.1.1
Detailed And Specific Plans Are Just Not Workable.
-a D8-T3
It's good to theorize to "say this", and then "say that", and then to use "this pattern", and "that pattern". However, the problem is that a lot of time the proper context is not presented well enough. The examples you may have seen in other products are just that, examples. The problem is that too many guys have taken them literally! Guys try to do "X, Y, Z," exactly, in order, with no sense of calibration, or being able to work and re-direct things in real time. Therefore, detailed tactical plans are not realistic. 4.1.2
Navigation Example
D8-T4
Think of moving a conversation to a certain point, like taking a trip somewhere. Say you are in Chicago, and want to go to Los Angeles. You could have a detailed map of every turn and road, exact route numbers and lengths, etc. The problem is... what do you do if there is a detour? What if the road is changed, what if the map is wrong? You are lost! What if, instead, we teach you how to drive the car, and give you a general set of directions like "keep driving west, until you see the ocean, then turn left (south)". That way, you can handle just about any turns, roads, or detours that you may encounter! Conversations are different from roads too, because people are all unique, situations, times, surroundings etc. are unique and change from moment to moment. Therefore, if you want to get a conversation to go a certain way, then detailed plans made ahead of time are hard to work with. There are too many variables! We need a workable set of strategies and tactics that allows you, in real-time, to direct things the way that you want them to go. They need to be easy to follow, and easy to use, and something that you don't need to "think about", but can just DO easily. Page 71
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4.1.3
Navigational Strategies Are Needed
D8-T5
So we need a general set of guidelines, some overall strategies and tactics, so that you can have this good, intuitive sense of how to "steer" things, and get conversations to where you want them to go. As long as you are engaging a woman's emotions, capturing & leading her imagination, then you are moving in the right direction. Then, in that situation and in that context, linking all the positive & powerful things to you becomes more workable. Instead of a map, we are giving you a "compass". We need a strategy for managing conversations that can to do this gradually, in a way that seems natural! If it's too abrupt or makes the conversation strained, it will sound weird. The strategy must LEAD the conversation towards good topics and subjects in a way that seems natural, and is not TOO abrupt. Examples: (Listen to the audio.) • Talking about a printer o Moving TOO quickly towards emotional topics o Can sound strange • Driving a car and taking a turn (Analogy) o Think of driving down freeway and needing to switch to different direction. o You can't make a hard, right angle turn on a dime! o You need to turn the car, slowly, on a ramp to go in a different direction. When we control conversions, we need to find a way to take it gradually in a new direction. Many guys try to do the hard and fast switch, and they crash in the process! We will learn to move things in a way that makes it seem natural, but it will be deliberate. 4.1.4
She Must Be Engaged In The Conversation!
D8-T10
It's important to get conversations into the right area and have HER go along with you. Not just "bring it up" (a topic or pattern), but it must be natural and she must "go along" with it and be a PART of it. She must be actually THINKING about what you are discussing! It has to happen naturally. No weird jumps. It's not enough to just talk; she must BE a part of the conversation! So, don't just "jump" to a topic. Don't find an "excuse" to bring it up. Take the conversation there, take her WITH you, and have her be a part of it! What really helps is to have a genuine interest (or at least curiosity) in her and the conversation, not just thinking to yourself; "How can I use this?" 4.2
HOW CONVERSATIONS HAPPEN
D8-T12
How does this really occur? We will break this down so that we have a way to really affect this process. 4.2.1
Conversational Dynamics
D8-T13
How do conversations happen? Most of them occur somewhat randomly as the conversation flows from topic to topic over time, and can end up almost anywhere after a while. By the time YOU move from one topic to the next, Page 72
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you may end up in a very different place from where you began. However, there is a series of steps as things move forward, as shown in Figure 4.2.1-1.
Figure 4.2.1-1: Conversations Move Through Many Topics
Each of these steps between topics tends to be related. Topic 1 relates to Topic 2. Topic 2 relates to Topic 3, etc. For example, you can start to talk about Cars, and then move to one aspect of that topic, Car Seats. Then it's easy to move to some aspect of that topic, which maybe something that seats are made of, like Leather. Then maybe you talk about Leather Furniture, etc. (See Figure 4.2.1-2.)
Figure 4.2.1-2: Each Topic Flows To the Next Topic In most cases, each Topic is related to the one before.
After a series of such steps, you can be at a quite different topic (like an apartment that you used to live in) even though you started at a quite different topic (Cars). In most cases, it's very difficult to predict where a conversation will go after many of these steps. As you go through a few topic shifts (as shown in the diagrams), although each individual shift relates to the topic before and after that shift, after a series of shifts you can end up talking about almost anything! Therefore, even if you start the conversation at a great topic, you can get off-track and into topics that will not work in your favor. Conversely, what is needed is a way to start at almost any topic at all, and by steering that process (of moving from Topic 1, to Topic 2, Topic 3, etc) take the conversation into better and better topic areas that will serve your purposes. 4.2.2
Conversational Model
D8-T14
We introduce a model to assist in discussion, understanding, and control of conversations. If you start at a topic, how do you go to another one? This process happens all of the time very easily. The key is that the movement from one topic to the next takes places easily because there are so many options involved. From any topic (Topic 1) it is easy to flow to any of 6-8 other, related topics (Topic 2 Candidates). People usually just "talk" and naturally the conversation moves from the first topic to the next one. Since the "next" topic is related, this process seems natural and is easy to do. In fact, you do this all the time without really knowing about it. (We are creating a model to describe a process that happens naturally, so that we can teach you a way to have an affect on that process). Figure 4.2.2-1 shows how from one topic, the conversation can flow easily to many related topics.
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Cars
Car you own Seats in it Interior of your car How Powerful it is What Gas does it use How Fast it is Feel of Driving Places you have gone Where you bought it
Topic 1
Topic 2 Candidates
Figure 4.2.2-1: From One Topic to many Candidate Topics The topic of Cars is discussed, and from there are many ways the conversation can easily move.
Once the conversation moves to one of these eight topics, it's easy to move to one of eight more. For example if in Figure 4.2.2-1, the conversation flows from "Cars" to "Where you bought it" (as in, where you bought the car), then now we have a situation like that shown in Figure 4.2.2-2.
Cars
Where you bought it
Topic 1
Topic 2
That car dealer The salesman Part of town Other car dealers Who went with you How you bought it The Loan you used etc. Topic 3 Candidates
Figure 4.2.2-2: From A Second Topic, Another Group of Candidates If "Cars" was discussed first, and then "Where you bought it" was discussed next, there are now many ways to go in the next step. In the figure, you see how the conversation moves from Cars, to "Where you bought it". After that, there are many "candidate" topics where the conversation can flow. Perhaps it moves to the "Part of town" where the car was purchased.
Now from the topic of "Where you bought it" (a car), there are easily eight places that you can go from there, shown as the "Topic 3 candidates". This process continues throughout a conversation. This process happens regardless of the specific topics being discussed. Conversations flow from topic to topic, as shown in a general manner in Figure 4.2.2-3. Page 74
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Topic 1
Topic 2
Topic 3
Topic 4
Figure 4.2.2-3: Topics Flow from One to the Next Each topic in a conversation can easily lead to 6-8 others, and the conversation flows along in this manner.
In many ways, the Figures that have been shown so far only show a small portion of the total topics towards which a conversation can flow. In general, since it's so easy to go from any topic to 6-8 others, you can have up to eight different ways to go at EACH step, and at each step after that. When this happens in succession, you can end up with the conversation going almost anywhere! Figure 4.2.2-4 shows what happens when all the topics are considered. If Topic 1 can lead to eight different candidates for Topic 2, then EACH of the eight different candidates for Topic 2 can then lead to their own eight, an so on. This results in easily over 500 topics that could be selected by the time we arrive at Topic 4! In only three shifts of the topic ("topic shifts" as shown in the figure) we end up with many many possibilities of where the conversation might end up. Do you see why the pre-planned approaches can be difficult?! Even if you ARE able to have the conversation start from a specific place (Topic 1), there is no way to know exactly where it will end up by the time you have moved forward a few steps! Imagine trying to predict ahead-of-time exactly where you may arrive (among those 512 options), when talking to some random person. With some skill and technique, you can affect this process (and we will teach that to you). However, the plans that many guys try to use to "Talk about X, then talk about Y, then talk about Z" are very difficult to really work with, because there are SO many ways that things can go!
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1st Topic Shift
2nd Topic Shift
3rd Topic Shift
Figure 4.2.2-4: Topic Candidates and Topic Shifts If each topic can flow to eight others, then after only three shifts in the topic, you can end up in over 500 different topic areas!
We can create a general Conversation Model that shows this process (Figure 4.2.2-5). As seen in the diagram, a conversation may start from one topic or subject (Topic 1). It then can flow easily to maybe 6-8 others (the diagram shows fewer for the sake of clarity). Once Topic 2 has been discussed, it can flow from there, and so on.
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Figure 4.2.2-5: Conversation Model The "Tree of Subjects" showing how thousands of subjects can be reached in just a few steps of the conversation. (The figure only shows a portion of how many subjects and topics can be reached).
There are SO many ways it can flow, that they become far too many to shown in the diagram. The diagram only shows a small fraction of them (so that the diagram is not even more cluttered than it already is!). In fact, if you assume that from any topic you could go to any of 8 other topics, then for that diagram to be really accurate it would have to show over 30,000 different subjects or topics that could be discussed by the time you are at "Level 6" in the conversation!! 4.2.3
Topic Turning Point
D8-T15
The KEY concept the needs to be understood to gain the ability to manage conversations, is an awareness of this phenomenon that is called the "Topic Turning Point". If you are discussing one specific topic, it is quite easy to move from that onto 6-8 related topics. This process of moving from the first topic to one of 6-8 relevant topics is the process of moving through a "Topic Turning Point" as shown in Figure 4.2.3-1. Page 77
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Candidate Topics Figure 4.2.3-1: The Topic Turning Point (TTP) When discussing any topic (First Topic) there are easily 6-8 different topics to which the conversation can be moved (Candidate Topics).
For example, after one topic has been discussed for a short while, the conversation can then move to another topic; the conversation "shifts" slightly. Someone might make a comment, introduce an idea, ask a question, make a statement, etc. However, as long as the new topic is "related" to the first (this is shown in the diagram by the "candidates") then this change is easy to do. The key thing to realize is that this process of Topic Turning Point (TTP) selection occurs over and over, and throughout a conversation. Therefore, the overall flow of a conversation comes about due to many of these TTP choices being made. A general way of looking at this process is shown in Figure 4.2.3-2
Topic Turning Points Figure 4.2.3-2: How TTP Selections Effect the Conversation The selections made at each TTP are what actually "steer" the conversation in a certain direction.
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Normally, no one is "deciding" the TTPs. This selection just "happens". However, with some awareness of this process, and some training (which ... is coming soon...) then you CAN direct how a conversation flows, and do so in a way that sounds VERY natural. IMPORTANT: The overall direction of a conversation comes about due to a successive selection of TTPs. By manipulating TTPs from moment to moment, you can direct where the overall conversation goes. Look in the diagrams, and imagine if you had a general way to manipulate these TTPs. Can you see how you may be able to affect where a conversation goes? You might not be able to predict EXACTLY where it ends up, but you will have some control over the overall direction. That ability alone is enough for our purposes. Many people do this "TTP selection" process automatically. For example: • Maybe someone always finds a fun, positive way to look at anything. These people are able to automatically make TTP choices based on a strategy of finding good, fun, positive aspects of every topic being discussed. • Other people may do the opposite; no matter WHAT is discussed, they find a way to point out something negative. These types of people are making TTP selections based on a strategy of finding things that are negative to talk about. • Other people able to direct conversations based on their own beliefs and their own political motivations as well. • Other people direct conversations based upon their own moral or religious values. No matter WHAT you talk to them about, they somehow see it in terms how in effects their beliefs, and they quick steer the conversation in that manner, Sometimes this can be VERY apparent, very quickly. As you have probably guessed by now, we are going to later teach you a way to be able to make these TTP selections, moment-to-moment, to "route" conversations so that they end up being the kinds of conversations that YOU want to have, and that work in YOUR favor. 4.3
GENERAL CONVERSATIONAL MANAGEMENT
D8-T16
4.3.1
Getting The Conversation To Go Where You Want.
D8-T16
So how can you actually affect the flow of a conversation, easily and naturally? That IS the point, isn't it? In general, conversations tend to go in one of several ways. The flow of the conversation starts, choices are made moment to moment, and the conversation tend to into one of four general areas. In a very broad sense, conversations are one of four types: • • • •
Fun, positive, interesting Mundane and uninteresting Negative, depressing Confrontational ...Those are just general examples, they
Good Boring Bad Argument could be more specific (and we will get there).
So to start our process of learning how to manage conversations, we want to first start to steer things in the best general manner; we want the conversation to be positive, fun, and interesting. The overall strategy at the beginning is then to "talk about positive, fun, interesting things". (See Figure 4.3.1-1.) Page 79
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General Conversational Management Conversations tend to flow in one of four major ways, so from the earliest stages, steer towards Fun, Positive, and Interesting topics and subjects.
Figure 4.3.1-1: General Conversational Management Consider all of the ways a conversation can go. If you break that down into 4 main directions, you see that you want to focus the conversation onto topics that are "Fun, Positive, and Interesting". No matter what is brought up, do what you can to steer in that direction. Even if things move towards other areas, you can still "steer" back towards "Fun, Positive, and Interesting" things.
Strategic Formula for General Conversational Management To steer the conversation in a good direction, bring up positive, fun, interesting things.
How do you do that? • • •
Show interest when someone discusses positive, fun, interesting things. Don't engage in conversations when it's NOT about positive, fun, interesting things. Introduce topics that are fun, positive and interesting.
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4.3.2
How To Steer Conversations, Moment To Moment
D8-T19
Look at the overall flow of a conversation and break it down to its smallest point that we can affect, the TTP. TTP Mantra - Where can I go that is "fun, positive, and interesting"? Moment-to-moment, you make note of where you are in the conversation. You then think of several ways you can go (the related topics, TTP options, the topic "candidates" that were shown earlier), and then steer things in the correct direction. You think of the "candidates" (the related topics or subjects that you can discuss) that serve you at the time, and then you move things in that direction! Remember - The overall direction of a conversation comes about due to a successive selection of TTPs. By manipulating TTPs from moment to moment, you can direct where the overall conversation goes. For any subject, as we discussed earlier, you can always think of 6-8 other related topics or subjects. So you just think to yourself "Where can I go that is fan, positive, and interesting" and just move things in that direction. How do you move things in that direction? You can: • Ask a question • Make a comment • Make a joke • Quote someone you heard, or something you read, • Etc. ... as long as it moves things in a way that answers the question "Where can I go that is fun, positive, and interesting" (See Figure 4.3.2-1.)
Tactical Formula for General Conversational Management Keep thinking - "Where can I go that is fun, positive, and interesting?" Move the conversation in that direction. Repeat.
Which Of these are Fun, Positive, and Interesting? That is the direction to go! Candidate Topics Figure 4.3.2-1: Topic Turning Point Navigation for General Conversational Management No matter what subject you start talking about, move things towards the related topics that are "Fun, Positive, and Interesting". Page 81
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Later in the conversation, you can work more towards certain topic areas, but in the early part of the conversation, the most important thing to do is to focus on moving thing in a direction that is ... "fun, positive, and interesting". 4.3.3
The Model With Strategy And Tactics In Place
D8-T23
As you make TTP choice after TTP choice (See Figure 4.3.3-1.), you get to an overall "area" that will work. You are steering things towards the direction that you want the conversation to go. (See Figure 4.3.3-2.) Keep things moving in the direction of Fun, Positive, and Interesting!
Figure 4.3.3-1: Moving Through Topics Using General Conversational Management Early in a conversation, just keep thinking about where you can go that is "Fun, Positive, and Interesting". Do this for a while.
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General Conversational Mgt Model No matter where you start, or where you are, always move towards topics and subjects that are Fun, Positive, and Interesting!/
Figure 4.3.3-2: General Conversational Management Model The most important direction to go, especially early in a conversation, is towards Fun, Positive, and Interesting topics and subjects. Even if you temporarily move away from that direction or end up in an area that is not very positive or interesting, keep steering in the right direction and in many cases you WILL get towards the right area soon enough (and if not, maybe that person is not someone that you want to talk to anyway).
4.3.4
Exercises and Assignments
D8-T25
Exercises for General Conversational Management 1) Think of some conversations that you have been in recently, and write down the topic for each. At some particular moment early in the conversation, what was the main topic? Topics
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2) Based on each of those topics, consider it a topic that leads to a TTP (copy each item above into the "Topic" area below). For each of those Topics, list 6-8 different ways you could go, things you could comment on, ask about, directions you could "take" the conversation (these are the TTP Options, or Candidate Topics). Write each of those down. Topic
TTP Options (Candidate Topics')
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3) Of the 6-8 different TTP Options you have written above for each Topic, which are the best? Which of these would move the conversation in a way that is best for you (think of "Fun, Positive, and Interesting")? Select two "candidates" and circle or highlight those two. 4) For each Topic, what would it have been like to have moved the conversation in the direction of the first item you circled? Practice that out loud for each Topic above, maybe by making a comment, asking a question, making a statement, etc., whatever it might take to move things in that direction. 5) Practice again on each by moving things in the direction of the second item that was circled.
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Assignments for General Conversational Management 1) For the next week or so, really be aware of the TTP opportunities in your day-to-day life. When talking to anyone, even at the start of a conversation, look for moments where things can be "steered" in a certain way. Make it so that it becomes easy for you to come up with a list of "options" very quickly. At any moment you should be able to think "Where can I go with this?". At first, you may have to think of 6-8 options, but the REAL key is to at least get to the point where you can very quickly think of at least 1 or 2 ways to go that are Fun, Positive, Interesting. If this is a challenge for you, don't worry, It WILL get easier. Maybe start out by looking at conversation after the fact, thinking "what COULD I have done, where COULD I have taken things". Do this for a while until the process of finding 1 or 2 good "Ways to go" in a conversation (good TTP options) can happen very rapidly for you. 2) Now that you are able to quickly find 1 or 2 good TTP options, start to take the conversation there! Ask a question, make a comment, inquire about something, maybe offer an opinion; whatever it takes. Just do what you can so that the TTP shifts in a direction that is fun, positive, interesting."
4.3.5
Summary
D8-T32
Remember what was said earlier: •
The overall direction of a conversation comes about due to a successive selection of TTPs (which normally occur at random, or without an overall strategy in mind).
•
By manipulating TTPs from moment to moment, you can direct where the overall conversation goes.
By moving things in this way, the conversation becomes more enjoyable for everyone. You may start to find however, that no matter WHAT you do with some people, they will not go down a path of having a fun, interesting, and positive conversation. You then have to wonder - Is that the sort of person you want to talk to and spend time with? Maybe not. In general, we are turning you into someone that people LIKE to talk to! You know the type of person that people enjoy talking to, having conversations with, and spending time with? The type of guy that people seek out to spend time with? The more you do these types of exercises, the more YOU can and will become that guy! 4.4
ADVANCED CONVERSATIONAL MANAGEMENT
D8-T33
4.4.1
Getting The Conversation To Go Where You Really Want.
D8-T33
We want the conversation to be more than just positive; we want it to be really interesting, engaging, fascinating, etc. After a while, we want to work with topics that get the emotions involved, the imagination moving, and people REALLY interested. We want to focus the aim of our conversational management skills even more. Building on what we learned in the last section, we can start to direct the conversation into an even BETTER area. Instead of the more general area of fun, positive and interesting topics, we want things to get even more
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interesting. We move forward and want to get a more emotional tone, more excitement, and more involvement of the imagination. (See Figure 4.4.1-1.)
General Conversational Management takes the conversation into the Fun, Positive, Interesting area.
From there, there are many ways to go.
So we narrow our focus, and steer using Advanced Conversational Management
Figure 4.4.1-1: Advanced Conversational Management Focuses the Steering From the start of a conversation, there were 4 main directions towards which a conversation may go. Using General Conversational Management, we were able to move things in the direction of Fun, Positive, and Interesting. Now from that point, there are many ways the conversation can move. So, we now shift our strategy of "steering" things to direct the topics in a more focused manner using Advanced Conversational Management. We use our strategy of working with the TTPs, to "steer" things even more towards what we want. To move the conversation into more interesting areas, you move it in ways that engage the emotions and imagination in a positive way.
Strategic Formula for Advanced Conversational Management To direct the conversation into even BETTER areas, steer the conversation towards directions that engage the emotions and imagination in a positive way.
With that as a general strategy, how do we work that in what we are doing moment-to-moment? How can we do things that will make that happen?
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Steering Conversations Moment To Moment using Advanced Conversational Management D8-T35
Again, we look at the concept of the TTP, and with that strategy in mind, we need to use the TTP as a way to move things in the right direction. (See Figure 4.4.2-1.) TTP Mantra " Where can I go that will engage her emotions and imagination in a positive manner?
Tactical Formula for Advanced Conversational Management Keep thinking - Where can I go that will engage her emotions and imagination in a positive manner? Move the conversation in that direction. Repeat.
Which of these "Engage the Emotions and imagination in a Positive Way"?
TTP Fun, Positive, Interesting Topics
That is the direction to go! Candidate Topics
Figure 4.4.2-1: Topic Turning Point Navigation for Advanced Conversational Management After using General Conversational Management for a while, we can assume that we are talking about subjects which fit into the "Fun, Positive, and Interesting" area. With that established, we shift the focus of how we navigate TTPs, but now think "where can I go that will engage the emotions and imagination in a positive way". 4.4.3
The Model With Advanced Strategy And Tactics In Place
D8-T38
(Before we move on to looking at the model, we need to change the way the model is shown, and explain a bit more as to its meaning and interpretation. See Figure 4.4.3-1 for an explanation.)
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Understanding the Conversational Management Model The model attempts to show a process that has many many steps, with thousands upon thousands of possible possible routes and outcomes. In practice, the graphics we will use will show an even more "condensed" version of this process, where every "step" (TTP, or topic shift) shown on the digram may represent many steps in an actual conversation.
Figure 4.4.3-1: Understanding the Conversational Management Model The "levels" shown in the models are not meant to be exact, but a way to show a "trend". For example, the model above is what we used to show a starting point (1). But after using the general techniques (Fun, Positive, etc.) the conversation moves on for a while, and it ends up at a certain area (2). At that point, there can be a whole "tree" of possibilities leading from there, once again ending up with thousands of topics that could be discussed by the time you get through more topic shifts (3). This can result in so many possibilities (many thousands within a few steps) that it's important to look at these diagrams as a way to show "trend", not an exact number of steps or outcomes. For example, we are not showing that there are exactly "four steps" between points (1) and (2). When starting from ANY topic (1) to a place where you are firmly established for a period of time in a Fun, Positive, and Interesting conversation (2) may take four steps, it may take ten. It may happen in ten minutes, or thirty. From now on in the course, these diagrams will indicate a VERY condensed version of the number of steps involved, so that the various stages of a conversation can be easily illustrated. The locations of points (1), (2), and (3) in the figure above (and in the next figure) helps to show this.
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We started at one topic, and could be at any of thousands of topics after 6, 8, 10 topic shifts. For a while, we focused the conversation towards moving things in a direction that is "Fun Positive and Interesting. After that has been established, we now focus more on moving in a direction that will "Engage the Emotions and Imagination in a Positive Way". If you refer to Figure 4.4.3-2, you can see how General Conversational Management, and then Advanced Conversational Management, are used together to move forward in a conversation. If you follow these two simple strategies together (and the tactical approach of simply watching the TTPs and moving things in the right way), the conversation will get better and better. As time goes on, the conversation will get more and more of an "emotional" tone to it. The subjects will get more and more fascinating. And of course while doing that, if you use the language tools which we learned about earlier in the course, you end up linking and associating many fascinating, exciting, emotional topics, subjects, feelings, and states, to yourself!
Advanced Conversational Management Model
Figure 4.4.3-2: Advanced Conversational Management Model Early in the conversation, General Conversational Management techniques are used. This is shown from point (1) to point (2) in the diagram. Although the diagram shows only 2 steps (for simplicity), in practice it may be good to follow a series of topics for 5, 10, 20, or 30 minutes, or however long it takes to be firmly established in a Fun, Positive, and Interesting conversation (2). Then a shift is made towards focusing the conversation even more using Advanced Conversational Management. Now the emphasis is on ways to "Engage the Emotions and Imagination in a Positive Way". This also is followed for a series of steps and a period of time, until it is firmly established that the conversation has engaged the emotions and imagination of the participant. This is shown between points (2) and (3). This too can take any number of steps, only a few of which are shown in the diagram. Page 90
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4.4.4
Exercises and Assignments
D8-T39
Exercises for Advanced Conversational Management 1) Think of some conversations that you have been in recently, and write down the topic for each. These should be conversations where it is already obvious that it is a fun, positive, and interesting conversation. At some particular moment in that conversation, what was the main topic? Topics
2) Based on each of those topics, consider it a topic that leads to a TTP (copy each above into the "Topic" areas below). For each of those Topics, list 6-8 different ways you could go, things you could comment on, ask about, directions you could "take" the conversation (these are the TTP Options, or Candidate Topics). Write each of those down. Topic
TTP Options (Candidate Topics')
a.
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3) Of the 6-8 different TTP Options you have written above for each Topic, which 1 or 2 would tend to "Engage the emotions and imagination in a positive way"? Which ones move things in a way that is best for you? Select two "candidates" and circle or highlight these two.
4) For each Topic, what would it have been like to have moved the conversation in the direction of the first item you circled? Practice that out loud for each Topic above, maybe by making a comment, asking a question, making a statement, etc., whatever it might take to move things in that direction.
5) Practice again on each by moving things in the direction of the second item that was circled.
Assignments for Advanced Conversational Management 1) For the next week or so, really be aware of the TTP opportunities in your day-to-day life, but be especially aware of wanting to move things to "Engage the emotions and imagination in a positive way". This is best when applied to a conversation that is ALREADY fun, positive, and interesting. At first, you may have to think of 6-8 options, but the REAL key is to at least get to the point where you can very quickly think of at least 1 or 2 ways to go that "Engage the emotions and imagination in a positive way". If this is a challenge for you, don't worry, It WILL get easier. Maybe start out by looking at conversation after the fact, thinking "what COULD I have done, where COULD I have taken things". Do this for a while, until the process of finding 1 or 2 ways to go that "Engage the emotions and imagination in a positive way" in a conversation can happen very rapidly for you. 2) Now that you are able to quickly find 1 or 2 good TTP options for yourself that "Engage the emotions and imagination in a positive way", start to take the conversation there! Ask a question, make a comment, inquire about something, maybe offer an opinion... whatever it takes. Just do what you can so that the TTP shifts in a direction that can "Engage the emotions and imagination in a positive way".
4.4.5
Summary
D8-T46
4.5
MORE ADVANCED CONVERSATIONAL MANAGEMENT
D8-T47
4.5.1
More About Getting The Conversation To Go Where You Really Want.
D8-T47
As you can see, we are "steering" things more and more in a direction that we wish to go. So, what next? At some point in the conversation, we want to steer things more towards romantic, fascinating, seductive things, even things with some degree of sensual connotation to them. So, once again, we focus further on the TTP options!
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Strategic Formula for More Advanced Conversational Management To further direct the conversation into even BETTER areas, steer the conversation towards romantic, fascinating, and seductive things.
4.5.2
Steering Conversations Using More Advanced Conversational Management
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TTP Mantra (See Figure 4.5.2-1.) "Where can I go that will get me closer towards romantic, fascinating, seductive things?"
Figure 4.5.2-1: Topic Turning Point Navigation for More Advanced Conversational Management After using General and Advanced Conversational Management, then the focus shifts again towards directing things in a specific way. The focus now is upon topics that get you closer towards Romantic, Fascinating, Seductive things
Tactical Formula for More Advanced Conversational Management Keep thinking - "Where can I go that will get me closer towards romantic, fascinating, seductive things?" Move the conversation in that direction. Repeat.
This may seem odd or hard to do. However, if you have been in a conversation for a while, and followed the other strategies and tactics shown earlier, you will have taken things in the right direction and this will be much easier. Moving towards romantic, fascinating, seductive things is much easier after you have first move towards fun, positive and interesting thing, and then topics that engage the emotions and imagination. 4.5.3
The Model With More Advanced Strategy And Tactics In Place
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We are just closing in, and focusing more and more towards areas and topics that work. This gets her mind into thinking more and more about these things, and associating YOU with them! (See Figure 4.5.3-1.)
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More Advanced Conversational Management Model
Figure 4.5.3-1: More Advanced Conversational Management Model As the conversation progresses, there is a different focus at each stage. Early on, General Conversational Management techniques place the focus on selecting items that are Fun, Positive, and Interesting, shown from point (1) to (2). Then the Advanced Conversational Management Techniques place the focus more upon items that involve the Emotions and Imagination in a Positive Way, moving to point (3).. After that type of conversation has been established (3), the focus moves towards selecting items based on More Advanced Conversational Management, which targets topics and subjects that are Romantic, Fascinating, and Seductive, moving to point (4)
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4.6
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CONVERSATIONAL FRACTIONATION
Using these Conversational Management skills in the real world may be quite different in practice from the way most guys "think" it will happen. Moreover, the way it really DOES happen, will work in your favor. 4.6.1
The 1-Shot Beeline Fallacy
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Guys assume that they will travel from a general topic, to a positive one, and then an emotional one, then a sensual one, and then - MAGIC! However that is NOT the way it works in the real world. Too many guys are too caught up in this one-shot dream of traveling once across the model and getting an amazing result. (See Figure 4.6.1-1.)
The Dream that Does Not Happen!
Figure 4.6.1-1: The Dream of a 1-Shot Path To Success! A common misperception is that many guys think that if they can just move a conversation from the start, and get things to be more and more fascinating and exciting, that they will get an AMAZING reaction in their first movement across the Model. This hardly ever ever happens.
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4.6.2
How Fractionation Works
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The real world has stops, starts, restarts, etc. The conversation starts, goes for some distance through the model (maybe all the way through), and then at some point.... You back up to a more general topic. This actually works better! We are actually using Fractionation. This is where a process is done repeatedly over and over. So, you take a conversation from the early stages through the process. Then you "back up" to some extent (even all the way back to a very general topic area) and then move forward across the model again. And again. Maybe several times. This actually ADDS to the power and effectiveness of what you are doing. Because no matter where you start from, the conversation ends up being very interesting and fascinating! 4.6.3
Using Conversational Fractionation
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Start at some normal topic and move through the model towards the right. Then at some point, you back off. You might do that on your own, or maybe the conversation shifts back to that place due to something she says. No problem. You just start the process again. Maybe you start from a very general topic and get all the way through the model towards a very very fascinating topic or subject. Great! Talk about that for a while. Have fun, Use the language tools,... and then ... you go back towards something more "normal". When we say "go back", you may jump back just several steps in our Conversational Management Process. Maybe you move all the way back to a very "normal" topic (which would be all the way on the left side of the model). No problem. Just start the process again. So, here is how this works... a) b) c) d)
Start at any topic (you are on the far left side of the Model) Move forward towards the right, using the Conversational Management techniques Get as far through the model as you can. If you get to a very good place, stay there and talk about it for a while. Of if you can't seem to get to a good place, move on to the next step. e) Then move back (towards the left side of the model) This may happen because: • The person you are talking to does that (she asks a question) • Or maybe you do it (just to lighten things up) f) Then start again, moving through the model towards the right. g) Do the whole process over and over. In this way, no matter where you start, no matter how the conversation jumps around, you are always moving towards positive topics, emotional and imaginative topics, and fascinating and seductive topics. (See Figure 4.6.31.)
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Conversational Fractionation at Work
Figure 4.6.3-1: How Conversation Fractionation Works on the Model Follow the conversation as it moves from (1) to (12). As things move forward from (1), at times maybe they move towards an area that is not too good (2). This is not a problem, simply back up (3) and then try moving into a better direction (4). As time goes on (5-12) the conversation gets into better and better areas. Fractionation happens at times because even when you may be at a fairly good place for a while (8), it's not a bad idea to back up a bit (9) and then move forward again. The overall trend is that, over time, there is a continued movement up and into better and better areas of conversation. You become one of those fascinating guys, that no matter WHAT you talk about, it ends up being fun, interesting, and fascinating! 4.6.4
Dead Ends Come Back To Life!
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With this new strategy of using Conversational Fractionation, there is no such thing as a conversational "Dead End"!
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If you happen to take a "wrong turn" somehow and get into an area of discussion that is boring, uninteresting, or maybe negative, etc.; No problem. Just back up, and use the Strategy and Tactics of the Conversational Management techniques! Look at "Dead Ends" as being just like a bad turn on a road, you just back up, and go down another path! 4.7
CONVERSATIONAL OVERVIEW AND REVIEW
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So, how do we pull this together? 4.7.1 •
Conversational Management Approach
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•
Start on just about ANY subject. o Comment on what is around o Mention common items, or what you both have in common Move forward with the Strategies and Tactics in mind, (think of your TTP options)...
• •
Where can I go that is fun, positive, and interesting? Move things in that direction. Do that for a while and then think ...
• •
Where can I go that will engage her emotions and imagination in a positive manner? Move things in that direction. Do that for a while and then think ...
• •
Where can I go that will get me closer towards romantic, fascinating, seductive things? Move things in that direction. —*
•
The entire time: o If you hit a "dead end", back up a few steps. o If you get to a good subject or topic, stay there for a while, use the language tools, and get the effect. When on good topics, use the language tools as much as possible!
•
Keep moving the conversation into these interesting fascinating areas ... and the person becomes interested and fascinated, with you! 4.7.2
What If The Outcome Is Not What You Expected?
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Despite your best efforts, this can happen. • What if you can't make the conversation positive? • What if she always points out the negative aspect? • What if there is NO emotional engagement at ALL? Well, you might have just found out that they are NOT someone you want to spend time with! That's not a total loss because you STILL learned more, talked more, have more material to use in conversations in the future! 4.7.3
Summary
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Go have fun with these tools!
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5.0
TOPICS
D9-T11 What do you talk about? As the conversation gets more interesting, fun, fascinating, to get the best effect you will have to be a PART of that conversation and familiar with the topics that may come up. You want to be able to discuss these topics easily, especially as they get more interesting, fascinating, and closer towards the subjects that will really serve your intent. Talking about these topics may be a challenge for many men. Most men may not be very familiar with many of the topics that we REALLY want to get into. However, this is something we can and will work on with you. What do you talk about? There is no substitute for experience. The more experience you get, the more familiar you will be with these topics, and then the more "material" you will have. You will be able to say things like "I was talking to someone about this the other day, and THEY said...", and that statement (regarding having actually talked to someone about the topics) will be TRUE! So, the more you talk to people about such things, the easier it will get. In the meantime, what can we do here in this course to help you? We have talked about the way to talk and use language; we have talked about managing conversations. Now we want you to become familiar with topics that will really work well for you! We are going to work with some of these topics, so that YOU have some material, some practice, and some familiarity with this type of thing. Themes vs. Topics • • 5.1
Themes are a way through a discussion or through the "tree of subjects" that we showed earlier. A topic is a particular area of discussion that is taking place in a moment. TOPICS OF ENTHUSIASM AND PASSION
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What are you passionate about? Few things are more compelling in a person than for them to be passionate about something (hopefully many things) in life. Can you talk passionately about something? Anything? Hopefully, yes! How well can you talk about topics that YOU are passionate about while using many of the language tools we talked about in the earlier parts of the course? If you can do that very well - great! It's easier to use the language tools if you are discussing topics with which you are familiar, and it's even better if you are passionate about those topics. However, if using those language tools is problem for you, then you may want to go back in those earlier sections, and while talking about subjects and topics that YOU are really passionate about, go ahead and practice! (Or maybe do that the next time you go through the course.) Before you can use the language tools with new subjects that you are learning about, you should be able to use them with subjects in which you are already interested!
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So, judge for yourself. How good are you at the earlier sections that dealt with the language tools? It may be a good idea to go back over those sections, and emphasize discussing topics in which YOU are interested and passionate about. 5.2
SEDUCTION ORIENTED TOPICS
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In the context of this course (and your intent in talking with ... someone) some topics are easier to work with than others. You may talk about cars, or sports, or the office, or cleaning the toilet, but how effective are those as subjects given the "purpose" of the discussion? You want to discuss topics and things which deal with seduction, or, at least... Topics that access emotions, feelings, excitement, etc. in some ways. You want to be able to discuss topics that deal on some level with Seduction, or topics that are very close to that concept. These are called "Seduction Oriented Topics". Seduction Oriented Topics (SOTs) - Topics that bring up images and thoughts that are romantic, sensual, and seductive. SOTs are the "end goals" when it comes to managing or directing a conversation. Your point is to get to, or near, a topic that is an SOT. The conversational management sections will help you to move the conversation in a way that will get you near these topics areas. Examples of SOTs • Connections • Going for it • Making good decisions • Surrendering to feelings • Getting excited • Feeling excited • Trusting your judgment • Taking chances • Indulgence • Maturity • Good decisions • ...just TALKING about these can create a good effect, but doing so while using the language tools, can create an AMAZING effect! When you do get a conversation into an area near an SOT, stay there as long as you can! Talk about it, work it, and link it to you! When • • • • •
you are at or near an SOT: Use the correct tone of Voice Pace and Lead correctly Link things to you Point at the right times, in the right way Use the language tools!
You want to be familiar with these topics (SOTs) and able to discuss them easily: maybe not ALL of them, but a good number of them. (Every guy has his favorites and ones that work best for him.)
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These topics may seem foreign to you, but the more you think about them, the more you practice, the more you work with the materials, and the more you talk to and with people about them, the easier it will get! Strategic Formula for Seduction Oriented Topics SOTs are topics that, by there very nature, bring up images and thoughts that may work for you. Get the conversation there, keep it there, and while there, use as many of the language tools as you can.
Exercises for Seduction Oriented Topics 1) Build your own list of SOTs. You can use some of those that were listed earlier if you wish, and hopefully add some of your own. Think about other topics you have heard mentioned in this program, and also topics that you have heard in other materials and products that you have. Write down your list of SOTs. Seduction Oriented Topics
2) You must become familiar with these! You must be able to talk about them, ask about them, have stories about them, or joke about them. Don't worry about talking to women, or seduction per se, or anything like that. Think of SOME way to discuss these, hopefully some way that involves you and your own life. Or, talk about something you heard, read, or even watched in a movie! (Or heard in a course that you took .... Or are taking!) - Are you able to somehow relate to these in your own life? Maybe something you read or heard? Maybe questions you can ask? ANYTHING?!?!? You do not need to "know" a lot about these topics or be an expert, you JUST need to be able to talk, or ask questions, or comment on them! Talk aloud for several minutes about each. 3) Practice talking about each aloud, using as many of the language tools as you can. Eventually, the more you practice using the tools, and discuss these subjects, the easier it will be to "riff" on these using the language tools. Meaning, you will be able to just "talk" about the subject while using the tools that are available, easily, and without "thinking" about the language tools.
Assignments for Seduction Oriented Topics 1) Pay attention to conversations in your life (even things you hear on the radio, or on TV, or in movies, or overhear from others) and listen for when any of these SOTs come up in conversation.
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SOT Summary I KNOW that these topics may seem foreign to you. That is understandable, and frankly, this is one of the key challenges that many guys face. However, after having worked with hundreds of guys, I can tell you that it DOES get easier and easier to be able to talk about these things. Really! Learning to discuss such things may start out slowly, but we are walking you through (at least the first steps of) the process to make this easier: • • • • • • • • • • •
You have made a list of SOTs. That makes you really think about them, and start to get your brain working on them. You do a few exercises to talk about them, or even just TRY to do so. You start to listen and take notice of when these are discussed. You listen more to when they are discussed, what is said, what people think. That gives YOU more familiarity with discussing them, and makes it easier for you to talk about them. Because of that, it gets easier to enter into more conversations that deal with these topics. Then you get to hear MORE people talk about them. And that gives you MORE material to talk about! Which make it easier for you to enter into more conversations about these subjects and topics. etc.
See? We are working on a process to get you to become more comfortable and familiar with these things. However, this process must start somewhere. It may start a bit slowly and awkwardly, but as long as you start it, and move through these exercises and assignments, it WILL get easier. Many guys who can now talk about these things VERY easily and comfortably started from a place of having NO idea of what to say! They changed. They did it. They started and became more and more familiar with these topics. So can you. 5.3
EXPANDED SEDUCTION ORIENTED TOPICS - SOTXs
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What if you had not just 10 ways of discussing "Seduction Oriented" subjects, but had even more? Maybe 50? What if that was easy and familiar for you? Think back to how we looked at topics earlier. We learned how you can move from any topic, and easily come up with 6-8 related topics. That's what we want to do here, but this time with SOTs. These are called Expanded SOTs (SOTXs).
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Expanding on a Topic Area "Connections" is an SOT. That is one subject, but can you think of 6-8 different aspects of this? (Remember what we did in the earlier sections, how we discussed a Topic Turning Point?) If Connections is a particular subject, can you think of different aspects of that? Parts of Connections? Questions about Connections? Ways of experiencing Connections? People or things with which you can experience Connections? By asking those types of questions (to yourself), you can take any SOT, and build a whole list of very similar things to talk about -which are SOTXs! For example, see Figure 5.3-1. ...with family ...with friends ...with coworkers ...with pets ...with a girlfriend ...with someone you just met ...with someone while on vacation ...with music ..with your teammates
Figure 5.3-1: How SOTs are related to an SOTXs. For any given SOT, it's easy to think of several different aspects of that topic or related topics. (Does that diagram look familiar?)
If "Connections" is an SOT, the SOTX list consists of all of these items shown in the diagram and listed below. (You do not really need to list "connections with" for each. That just makes it easier for our example below). SOT Connections
SOTX Connections with family Connections with friends Connections with coworkers Connections with pets Connections with a girlfriend Connections with someone you just met Connections with someone while on vacation Connections with music Connections with your teammates
Many guys worry about talking about something like "Connections". They think of only one way of talking about that subject, or only one aspect of that to discuss (connections in a romantic or sensual context). However as we see here, there are many different types or examples of connecting to people, places, and things that can be discussed. Instead of worrying about getting to that one topic (SOT) in a certain way, you now have 6-8 ways to discuss it. Look at the list above; if friends, family, coworkers, pets, etc. comes up in a conversation, you can talk about that for while. Then, how easy would it be to talk about how you CONNECT with those? And if you talk about Page 105
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THAT (how you connect in that manner) for a while, then you can shift towards ANOTHER type of "connection" very easily! (See Figure 5.3-2.) Family Friends Coworkers Pets Connections A girlfriend Someone you just met Someone met on vacation Music Teammates Figure 5.3-2: SOTXs Can Lead Into SOTs If any of the topics in the SOTX list comes up in conversation, you can be as close as one step away from an SOT. (Yes, this is a TTP diagram in reverse!)
For example, if someone is talking about pets, then you can shift to talking about "how you can connect with a pet" fairly easily. Just make a comment, ask a question, point out an example regarding pets, and how you (or someone else) can connect with a pet. If you talk about that for a while, it's very easy to then shift...to ... how to connect with people, or a special person, or maybe even someone... that you just met! When you expand SOTs in this way, all of a sudden there are many MORE ways to get to these really GREAT topics!
Exercises f o r Expanded Seduction Oriented T o p i c s 1)
Take the SOT list you had earlier (copy those down into the first column below, a, b, c, etc.) and for each SOT, you are to list 5 (at least) related topics, or different aspects of that topic, or how that topic can be experienced. This is your SOTX list. SOTs
"
SOTXs List
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2) Now for each SOTX, practice talking about it out loud. Talk about that SOTX for a moment or two, and see if you can then focus what you are saying towards the SOT itself. (Like the earlier example, you talk about pets, then about connecting with pets, then about connecting in general.)
3) Do the same thing again, but now do so while using the language tools.
Step back and look at what you have done! You have 10 SOTs with which YOU are familiar. You have 50 SOTXs that you are now familiar with as well. That gives you a LOT of flexibility in conversations!
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Assignments for Expanded Seduction Oriented Topics 1) Look at all of your SOTXs! That's a LOT of subjects! Pay attention in your life to see how often any of those items come up in conversation (or maybe you just hear them somewhere). Maybe you will even start to notice SOTXs that were not even ON your list. You may think, "I didn't list that SOTX, but it IS related to an SOT that I have worked with". The more familiar you are with these subjects, spotting these opportunities get easier and easier. It ALL gets easier! 2) Start to "direct" the conversations you encounter where your SOTXs are mentioned. See if you can move the conversation a bit towards the SOT itself. In addition, use the language tools if and whenever you can.
Summary You now have MORE material to work with than you ever thought possible! This is not about memorizing; it's about getting YOU comfortable and familiar with these topics. The more you work with this, the easier it will be to notice SOTXs, and move the conversation towards SOTs. You will start to notice this, concept of "topics related to a topic" in many many places. Good speakers, especially politicians and activists, use such techniques a LOT. The techniques that you have learned are the sort of things that many people do naturally. We have broken these down, modeled the process arid the steps involved, broke it into bits and pieces that you can learn and do as exercises, and then built upon that step by step. 5.4
CONVERSATIONAL MODEL WITH SOTXs.
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We discussed how to develop an SOTX list from an SOT. However, that process can work both ways. The real usefulness of this is when you reverse the order as shown in Figure 5.4-1. ...with family
Family
...with friends
Friends
...with coworkers
Coworkers
...with pets Connections
Pets
...with a girlfriend
A girlfriend
....with someone you just met ...with someone while on vacation ...with music
Connections
Someone you just met Someone met on vacation Music
. ..with your teammates
Teammates
This is how we developed SOTXs
This is the most useful way of thinking of SOTXs Figure 5.4-1: SOTXs Are The Pathways To SOTs
SOTXs are an easy way to get towards SOTs. If anything like an SOTX comes up in a conversation, it is easy to then move the conversation towards topics that will work better for you (SOTs). SOTXs are now like "conversational landmarks" for you in terms of navigating a conversation; if you hear any of them mentioned, or anything like them mentioned, you know that you are very close to getting near a subject area that will work very well for you.
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So whenever you are having a conversation, and anything like an SOTX comes up in the discussion, you now see how easy it can be to move over to an SOT! In fact, you have practiced with so many of these SOTXs, that this process will now be easier than you may have imagined. The point here (again) is not to memorize the SOTs, or the SOTXs. It's to have you practice and become familiar with them., and for you to just start to "recognize" these things on your own - without "thinking" about them. If you have followed the program, and done the exercises and assignments, this will start to happen for you. After all, you have already worked with 10 SOTs and 50 SOTXs as shown in Figure 5.4-2.
SOTXs
SOTs
Figure 5.4-2: Your Multiple Pathways to SOTs! Now that you have worked with 10 SOTs, and 50 SOTXs (in the earlier exercises) you now have many many SOTXs with which YOU are familiar! More importantly, you have started to train yourself to "recognize" these landmarks, to be able to notice when you are talking about things which are "close to" topics that will work well for you. In many of the diagrams, we have had to compress or simplify them quite a bit and show only a fraction of the actual steps and numbers involved so that the diagrams do not become too large or complex. However in the figure above, that is not an abbreviation or exaggeration, there are really 50 SOTXs and 10 SOTs shown - the number that YOU have actually worked with so far!
Since SOTXs and SOTs are the "goals" in terms of managing a conversation, we can then show them as part of our Conversational Model. As the topics get better and better, you will get closer and closer to SOTXs, and then towards SOTs. Figure 5.4-3 shows this in the model itself.
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SOTs in the Conversational Management Model
SOTXs
SOTs
The end goal is to get to, or as close as you can towards SOTs. SOTXs are a pathway to make that easier.
Listen for SOTXs Anything near or related to an SOT.
Move towards SOTs. Stay there for a while if you can!
Figure 5.4-3: SOTs Are THE Goals in Conversational Management As you move through a conversation, you start to "listen" for topics that are SOTXs, which are topics near or related to seduction (a step or two away from SOTs). When you get to an SOTx, then you can simply move things towards a topic that is very seduction-oriented! The point is not to have a "list" in mind, it's that you have trained yourself to recognize things that are SOTs, and topics that are close to that (SOTXs).
5.5
THE COMPLETE CONVERSATIONAL MODEL
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Start from any topic and get to where you want! Yes, you can start from just about ANY topic and get to GREAT topics! It's easy; just follow the steps listed earlier in the Conversational Management sections., then start to pay attention for SOTXs, or anything that is "related" to an SOT. Then move the conversation towards an SOT! This works. Period. You can start from almost ANYWHERE, and ANY TOPIC, and using this type of approach you will have fascinating conversations with people that lead to where YOU want to go! (See Figure 5.5-1.)
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Figure 5.5-1: The Complete Conversational Management Model (continued on next page)
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Figure 5.5-1: The Complete Conversational Management Model (continued) Start a Conversation Manage the Conversation Move the Conversation in a Good Direction Steer towards - Fun, exciting, interesting ... Steer towards - Engaging the emotions and imagination in a positive way ... Steer towards - Romantic, fascinating, seductive things Direct the Conversation Pay attention when Good Subjects come up (SOTXs) Listen for anything a step or two away from an SOT Move towards SOTs Stay there as long as you can Use The Language Tools! As much as possible... Especially when at or near SOTXs and SOTs. Fractionate If you take a wrong turn, back up! If you move back to a general topic, start over!
Assignment! 1) Try it! Start directing conversations using the conversational management model, and see how easy it is to get to some good topic that is an SOT, or SOTX, or very close!
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6.0 6.1
PATTERNS PATTERN OVERVIEW
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What is a pattern? • A plan, diagram, or model to be followed in making things; A representative sample. • An example of what you can say, or could say. "A plan" or "model", that's the key. Don't think of "how can I get to the pattern", or "how can I bring this pattern up". It's best to just think of patterns as examples, and as "a way of speaking". Its just a "type" of talking that you can (and will be able to) use when you feel it is appropriate. Examples/Analogies: • Sports - You don't play the entire game ahead of time. You practice bits and pieces of the sport, certain actions, or series of actions. Once you actually play the game though, you make decisions on-the-spot as to what to do and how to proceed. With this new approach to learning and using these tools, we work in that manner. We practice specific parts of areas of the skills we wish to use later on. Patterns are just examples of the use of these tools. • Driving - Many of the details of driving a car are things you just "do". You don't have to think about moving the wheel, handling the gas pedal, the clutch, etc. These smaller skills become automatic and you focus instead of driving, or navigation. In the same manner, we have practiced the small details (language skills) so that these are automatic. The navigation is handled through our use of Conversational Management techniques. A New way of thinking about the use of patterns • The wrong way is to talk to someone and to keep thinking, "how can I get to my pattern", or "how can I bring up a pattern that I know". • Instead, think about having a conversation (and managing it correctly), and being aware of when you DO get to an area of conversation that does allow you to use a pattern. • Maybe talk to a woman and allow HER to bring up things that end up working well in pattern-like language. She may take the conversation into better places that you could have predicted, plus these areas will work for HER because SHE selected them (in a manner of speaking) • Talk and manage the conversation into an area that DOES work for you. Use the language tools. THAT ends up being a very effective way to create "patterns". 6.2
PATTERN FORMULA
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Tactical Formula for Patterns While talking to a woman, get her to "experience" good feelings and states. Amplify these feelings and states by talking, asking, clarifying. Link and associate these feelings to you. Present a Call to action.
The Pattern Formula in detail. • While talking to a woman, get her to "experience" good feelings and states o Use the Conversational Management Techniques to get there o Get her to think about good and/or exciting feelings
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•
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o Get her feeling good and/or exciting feelings o Get her experiencing (or recall the experience of) good and/or exciting feelings o Get her to think about things that she wants or desires Amplify these feelings and states by talking, asking, clarifying o Use the Language Tools o Asking her for info, for her to elaborate and describe o Repeating back what she has said o Provide examples from your own life o Provide examples from friends, or things you have read, etc Link and associate those feelings to you o Use the Language Tools o Use linkage phrases like "now with me", "this person.." etc. o Use "this" and "these" (be aware of that and those as well) o Point and mark appropriately Present a Call to action o "Do it now" language o Create a Challenge o Create an Opportunity o Talk about the chance to "Seize the moment" o A simple add-on to the Language Tools
There are two main ways of doing patterns, "Canned" patterns, and real-time "Riffing". 6.3
CANNED PATTERNS
D10-T12
These are the pre-rehearsed, pre-written patterns that you have seen and heard. The problem is if you are SO focused on just "getting to the pattern" that you know (or even one of many that you know) then it's difficult to have a good conversation. The good ways to use these are as teaching and learning tools. In the real world, these canned patterns DO have some usefulness. Their best use is when you use the Conversational Management techniques and then find that the conversation just happens to get to or near a pattern that you DO happen to know already. In THAT case - these pre-written or canned patterns can work very well. However, if you just "drop" a pattern into the conversation, and the proper context is not created, they can, and do, sound quite strange. Pre-written, pre-rehearsed, canned patterns are good, but they assume that you are in a conversation where they will work and be somewhat "appropriate" to what is being discussed, and that the woman will react to what the patterns is about. Some times that does happen, many times it does not. Therefore it is best to maybe have some of these memorized, and have them there for your use if and when the correct situation comes up. But, don't focus TOO much on them, because doing so may work against you. 6.4
PATTERN RIFFING IN REAL-TIME
D10-T13
This is the ability to just create pattern language on-the-fly, and to use what is needed in the moment. So, when you are talking to a woman, what you need to do is to look at... • The interesting topic that she and you are discussing o what is happening o what you know Page 116
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Always • • • •
o what she is reacting to o and discuss things which are appropriate, and and use the language tools. Yes, it really IS that easy! look for: Positive emotions and feeling Positive sensations (as in physical ones) Exciting feelings... Wanting to take action or seize an opportunity
See the pattern here? We are in general, looking and listening for positive feelings, states, emotions, and actions in the conversation. Then we use those as a basis for discussion. Then you have a conversation and, using the tools, get her to, • Talk about these things or listen to you talk about these things • get her to think about these things • get her to feel these things • get her to link them to you. • Use some "act now" languaging. THE BEST PATTERN IS THIS: •
Get her to talk and think about positive, interesting, exciting, and sensual things.
•
Use the language tools so that YOU become associated with those things.
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7.0 7.1
REVIEW AND SUMMARY REVIEW
D10-T18
The course has followed a "bottom-up" approach to training; focusing first on small details, and then building up to bigger and bigger pieces. Now we can look from the "top-down", and view an overall strategy. 1. Keep her there and keep talking! a. Both you and her talk! 2. Keep the conversation going. a. Use the conversational management techniques b. Fractionate if and when needed. 3. Direct the conversation in a way that takes you toward good topics a. Use the conversational management techniques b. Talk about something positive and interesting c. Engage her emotions and imagination in a positive way. -' d. Get the conversation into good subjects (SOTXs, SOTs) 4. Direct and/or link those feelings towards you. a. Use the Language Tools 5. Create a willingness, comfort in, and/or compulsion to act a. Use the Language Tools 7.2
SUMMARY
D10-T26
This may be similar to information you have heard in the past, but the method of approaching it is very different. We really are focused upon changing you, and how you speak. 7.3
LISTEN, DO THE EXERCISES, AND FOLLOW THE COURSE.
D10-T27
Listen to the full explanations, and really take the time to do the exercises. Whether its your first, fifth, of fourteenth time through, you will benefit. 7.4
BE WILLING AND PREPARED TO PUT ENERGY INTO THIS COURSE.
D10-T28
The more energy and effort you put into this, and the more engaged you are in the process, the greater your results will be. It really is up to you. 7.5
CONGRATULATIONS! WELL DONE!
D10-T29
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8.0 EXAMPLES, EXAMPLES, EXAMPLES Dll-Tl The discussions presented on the audio for this section are intentionally "casual" to familiarize you even more with the use of these tools, and provide you with some real-world examples of their use.
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APPENDIX 1 Course "Cheat Sheet" •
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SPEAKING POINTERS o
The "Cool" Factor You don't have to be cold, to be cool.
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Voice Tone And Tonality Use your best tone of voice (speaking from your chest) to convey a relaxed, powerful, and charismatic presence. • Nose, Mouth, or Chest?
o
Pacing And Pausing Use variations in pace, and well-placed pauses, to convey a sense of drama and intrigue in what you are saying in a way that "captivates "people and makes them want to listen to you. • Slow, Fast, Pause?
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Energy And Enthusiasm Using energy and enthusiasm when speaking so that people can become energized and enthusiastic about listening to and being with you. • Passionate or Boring?
LANGUAGE TOOLS A N T D E T A I L S o
Adjectives And Adverbs Use more adjectives and adverbs in your speech to appeal to and excite the emotional side of the listener, so that their feelings, emotions, and processes awaken. • Be descriptive, use Adjectives And Adverbs
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Trance Words Help to get the subconscious mind of the listener to be more of apart of your conversation. • Instantaneously " Suddenly • Find Yourself • Convince Yourself • Suppose • Imagine " Mysterious (-ly) • Wonder (-ous) (-ously)
o
Weasel Phrases Use Weasel Phrases to keep the conversation going, and to "soften " the way in which something is said, allowing you to say more (and maybe more provocative things) about a subject. • Have you ever ... • What's it like when ... • If I were to ... • If you were to ... " As you...
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Embedded Commands Use embedded commands repeatedly and in the proper context, to create a compelling will on the part of the listener follow you and listen to you. • Can you do this now...
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Linking After getting someone to experience good feelings and emotions, link them to you so that YOU become something and someone that they feel good about • Now with me • In me • In myself • with this • these • this belief • these feelings
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Easy-Linking • Use "This" and "These" when referring to anything positive. • Use "That" and "Those" when referring to anything negative.
MORE TOOLS o
Pointing And Gestures Move, motion, gesture, and accentuate what you are saying in order to be more compelling as a speaker and to get even more attention from your listener or audience. • Move! Point!
o
Linking Gestures Towards And Away • Whenever you say something negative, point or gesture away. • Whenever you say something positive, point or gesture towards yourself.
o
Easy Linking Expanded Pointing With This, That, These, Those • Positive statement, Say "this", Point to you • Negative statement, Say "that", Point away • Positive statement, Say "these", Point to you • Negative Say "those", Point away.
o
Easy Anchoring When the person you are talking with displays a positive feeling of some type, a smile, laugh, interest, intrigue, etc., touch them to help anchor it to you. • Point Or Touch On Positive
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LANGUAGE STRUCTURE AND TECHNIQUES o
Pace And Lead Pacing and Leading allows you "be " in the conversation for a while and gain rapport and information, allowing you to move things more in your favor later on
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Show agreement, understanding, acknowledgement, and/or interest, Then start to move or shift things in a different way, a way that you want. • Topics and Subjects • Mindset or Frame of Mind • Current Reality • As (while) you are "X" (Pace) Where "X" is something that is true in their current reality (perceptions, thoughts, etc.) • Then you will "Y" Where "Y" is something you want them to experience (Lead) o
Give Them A Reason Giving a reason will make people more apt to do things for you and agree with you. • Request X because (of) Y.
o
Listing • General Listing General Listing is a way to quickly provide several reason, which support your point • A, B, and C When making a point, statement, or giving an example, "List" several things or examples which support your point, in order to provide more power to what you are saying • At The End Listing at The End is a way to provide several options (which may differ) but to emphasize the option that YOU want. • a, b, and C When making a point, statement, or giving an example, "List" several things briefly in order, but mention the one which YOU want to put the most emphasis on. LAST • Burying Items Listing - Burying Items is a way to mention an outrageous or very direct option for "testing" purposes, or to maybe see if you can get someone to agree to it! • a, B, and c When giving examples or options to someone, you can get away with an outrageous or very direct option by burying that option in the middle of a List.
o
More And More If you want to lead someone through a series of steps (actions, experiences, or thoughts) use "More and More " as a way to string them together (and increase your chances of that happening • The more X, the more Y. The more Y, the More Z, etc. • As you X, the More Y, the More Y, The More Z, etc.
o
Compare And Contrast Use this technique to keep the conversation going, keep the discussion focused on a topic that serves your purposes, and incorporate the language tools • This thing vs that thing • How two things are similar • How two things are different • Good - Bad • One option - another option
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Parts •
•
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Parts Of A Subject Discussing many of the parts of a subject keeps the conversation going, allowing you time to gather information and link yourself to good thoughts, feelings and emotions. • Take any subject, idea, or point in a discussion. • Break it down into its component parts and discuss them. • Link good thoughts, feelings and emotions to yourself. • Use the language tools in the discussion. Parts Of A Person Use Parts of a Person as a way to find, discuss, and evoke favorable states, feelings, and beliefs, even when the other person claims or demonstrates that such parts are NOT there • For every part of a person that will work against you, assume there is a part that will work WITH you.
Opportunities And Challenges • Find out what someone wants. • Find a way to map what YOU want, to be a way for them to get what they want. • Challenge them to do that. •
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•
•
Using Their Own Processes • Find or assume what someone wants • Create an opportunity for them to get it or demonstrate they have it • Make that "demonstration" work in your favor. • Challenge them to demonstrate it, do it, or show it.\ Universal Wants You can assume that most people want these. • Confidence • Maturity • Security • Self-Directed • Intelligence • Control Particular Wants What does she want to have, or want to be perceived as having? • Talk to them and find out. Mini-Challenges • You seem... • You seem like ... • You seem as if... • Maybe you can ... • The smart people I know, can (use smart, or adventurous, or fun, etc)... • I wonder if you can ... • Are you able to ... • You might see ... • You may ... • You might... • If you can ... • If you are able to ... • etc.
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o •
Opportunities, Creating Them -. Consider the wants and needs that a person may have ... • Confidence • Maturity • Security • Self-Directed • Intelligence • Control " • Excitement Challenges Challenge them to get what they want, or show what they have. Are they ready to take advantage of that (this) opportunity? • Does she really want X and see how Y can get that? • Does she really have X, and see how doing Y would demonstrate it?> • Does she have what it takes to get X, by doing Y? • Does she want you to THINK she has X, then ... she may have to do Y to prove that.. • Can she see an opportunity to have "X",-and do Y to get it? • Can she do Y and make it happen? • Can she see that Y will get her what she wants? • Can she trust herself enough to do Y?
Ambiguities
CONVERSATIONAL MANAGEMENT
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o
General ... • Navigation Don't think of an exact plan, think of general navigation • She Must Be Engaged In The Conversation! You need her to talk, listen and be IN the conversation! • Conversational Dynamics Topics flow from one to the next. • Topic Turning Point The process of moving from one topic to one of 6-8 relevant topics • In general... •• Show interest when someone discusses positive, fun, interesting things. • Don't engage in conversations when it's NOT about positive, fun, interesting things. • Introduce topics that are fun, positive and interesting.
o
General Conversational Management To steer the conversation in a good direction, bring up positive, fun, interesting things • Keep thinking - "Where can I go that is fun, positive, and interesting?" " Move the conversation in that direction. • Repeat.
o
Advanced Conversational Management To direct the conversation into even BETTER areas, steer the conversation towards directions that engage the emotions and imagination in a positive way
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•
Keep thinking - Where can I go that will engage her emotions and imagination in a positive manner? Move the conversation in that direction. Repeat.
o
More Advanced Conversational Management To further direct the conversation into even BETTER areas, steer the conversation towards romantic, fascinating, and seductive things. • Keep thinking - "Where can I go that will get me closer towards romantic, fascinating, seductive things?" " Move the conversation in that direction. • Repeat.
o
Conversational Fractionation • Using Conversational Fractionation • Start • Move • Back Up • Repeat • Dead Ends Come Back To Life! • Just back up and start over!
o
Conversational Overview and Review • General Flow • Start on just about ANY subject. • Where can I go that is fun, positive, and interesting? • Where can I go that will engage her emotions and imagination in a positive manner? • Where can I go that will get me closer towards romantic, fascinating, seductive tilings? • The entire time: o If you hit a "dead end", back up a few steps. o If you get to a good subject or topic, stay there for a while, use the language tools, and get the effect. • When on good topics, use the language tools as much as possible! • What If The Outcome Is Not What You Expected? • Move on!
TOPICS o
Topics Of Enthusiasm and Passion Few things are more compelling in a person than for them to be passionate about something (hopefully many things) in life.
o
Seduction Oriented Topics SOTs are topics that, by there very nature, bring up images and thoughts that may work for you. Get the conversation there, keep it there, and while there, use as many of the language tools as you can. • Connections • Going for it • Making good decisions Page 128
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•
Surrendering to feelings Getting excited Feeling excited Trusting your judgment Taking chances Indulgence Maturity Good decisions
o
Expanded Seduction Oriented Topics - SOTXs For each SOT, there are easily 6-8 variations on that SOT that you can talk about. Those are STOXs.
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Conversational Model With SOTXs. • Manage - Use the conversational Management Techniques. • Direct - Look out for SOTXs • Direct 0 Move towards SOTs.
o
The Complete Conversational Model See Appendix 2
PATTERNS o
Pattern • • • •
Formula While talking to a woman, get her to "experience" good feelings and states. Amplify these feelings and states by talking, asking, clarifying. Link and associate these feelings to you. Present a Call to action.
o
Canned Patterns - Great as EXAMPLES • Learn and know some of them they may be useful.
o
Pattern Riffing In Real-Time • Use the Conversational Management techniques to get to good subjects • Look at the interesting topic that she and you are discussing o what is happening o what you know o what she is reacting to o and discuss things which are appropriate, and • Look for: o Positive emotions and feeling o Positive sensations (as in physical ones) o Exciting feelings... o Wanting to take action or seize an opportunity • Use the language tools. • Get her to, o Talk about these things or listen to you talk about these things o get her to think about these things o get her to feel these things o get her to link them to you. Page 129
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Use some "act now" languaging.
o The Best Pattern Is This: • Get her to talk and think about positive, interesting, exciting, and sensual things. • Use the language tools so that YOU become associated with those things
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APPENDIX II Speaking and Language Tools "Cheat Sheet" •
•
•
•
SPEAKING POINTERS o Voice Tone And Tonality o Pacing And Pausing o Energy And Enthusiasm LANGUAGE TOOLS AND DETAILS o Adjectives And Adverbs o Trance Words o Weasel Phrases o Embedded Commands o Linking o Easy-Linking (This, That, These, Those) MORE TOOLS o Pointing And Gestures o Linking Gestures (Towards And Away) o Easy Linking Expanded (Pointing With This, That...) o Easy Anchoring - Point Or Touch On Positive And Negative LANGUAGE STRUCTURE AND TECHNIQUES o Pace And Lead • Topics and Subjects • Mindset of Frame • Current Reality o Give Them A Reason o Listing " General - At the End • Burying Items o More And More o Compare And Contrast o Parts " Parts of a Subject • Parts of a Person o Opportunities And Challenges • Mini Challenges " Opportunities And Challenges o Ambiguities
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APPENDIX III The Complete Conversational Management Model
The Complete Conversational Management Model
General Mgt. Fun, Positive, and Interesting
Advanced Mgt. Emotions and Imagination in a Positive Way
More Advanced Mgt. Romantic, Fascinating, Seductive
The Complete Conversational Management Model
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The Complete Conversational Management Model (continued) Start a Conversation Manage the Conversation Move the Conversation in a Good Direction Steer towards - Fun, positive, interesting ... Steer towards - Engage the emotions and imagination in a positive way ... Steer towards - Romantic, fascinating, seductive things Direct the Conversation Pay attention when Good Subjects come up (SOTXs) Listen for anything a step or two away from an SOT Move towards SOTs Stay there as long as you can Use The Language Tools! As much as possible... Especially when at or near SOTXs and SOTs. Fractionate If you take a wrong turn, back up! If you move back to a general topic, start over!
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