Invitations To Responsibility 1

I N V I T A T I O N S

TO R E S P O N S I B I L I T Y

T h e   therapeutic engagement  o f

men  who are men  viol nt 

an and d

a b u s i v e

D ul w i ch  Ce n t r e

Publications

PARTI

EXPLANATIONS S   O F  V I O L E N T AND

A B U S I V E  B E H A V I O U R

"The   ol d  grey  donkey, Eeyore, stood by   himself  in a thistly   com er of the forest, his front front feet feet w ell apart,  hi s head   on on e side,  an d  thought about things. S o m e t i m e s himself,  "W hy ? "  an d  s o m e t i m e s  h e he thought sadly to   himself,  •thought,   "WJierefore?"  an d  s o m e t i m e s  he thoug ht, "Inasm uch as w hich? " - and and   sometime  he didn't quite know   what  h e w a s  thinking about.  So   when Winniethe-Pooh   cam e stum ping along , Eeyore was  very glad to able t o  stop thinking  thinking   ffor little, in order  order to be   able t or a  little, in  to say  say  "How d o y o u   do? " i n a  g loom y m anner  to   him . "And   how are you? " said  Win n ie-the-Pooh.  Eeyore s h o o k   h is is   head from side  to   side. "Not  very  how,"  side  to how,"  h e said.  "I  don't  seem  to   have felt  a t all how for a   long time." A A.  Milne  (1926)  "W innie-theinnie-the-Pooh" Pooh"

I N T R O D U C T I O N

Over  the past ten years, my colleagues and I have  been developing  a nd  exploring models  fo r  u nderstanding an d  wo rki ng with both adolescent   an d  adult m ale p erp etrat etratoo rs  of violence  an d  sexual abuse.  O ur aim   has been to  develop  models of  intervention  that  assist  abusive males to  cease their abusive behaviour  and to  relate  respectfully  to  others. The  models  are  based  on the  assumption that these goals  can best   be  achieved if the  abuse perpetrator accepts  full  responsibility for his abusive actions. In   order  to accept responsibility, the perpetrator must acknowledge  fully  th e  existence  an d  significance  of the  abuse  an d understand the potential impact of his abusive actions upon the   victim

solutions  available to people for dealing  with  abusive behaviour. I have been struck  by the  natu re  of  these explanations  and the  fact  that many of them   may be  unhelpful  in  that they promote attempts  to  solve abus e- r elated  problems which  are at best  misguided  an d  often harmful. M a n y   explanations  of  abuse promote  an  avoidance  of responsibility  by the  p erp etrato r  and an accep tance of responsibility by the victim  or  others  affected  by the  abuse. Responsibility for the  abuse  m ay be   attrib u ted  to  ex t ernal  events  an d  stresses,  th e  actions  of  others  or medical/psychological conditions, over   which  th e  perpetrator feels  he has little  inf lue nce  or  control. This thinking tends  to  p ro mo te  unhelpful solutions  an d  often  leaves victims of abuse carrying the  b u r d e n s of  shame, guilt  an d  responsibility f or  their  ow n  victimization. N ot  surprisingly,  al l memb ers   of a  family  or  social system influenced  by  abuse  m ay  feel t rap p ed   in a  context  of  abuse  in  which  th e  perpetrator  feels  unable  to cease his abusive actions, the   victim  feels unable to seek assistance or leave and   other persons  feel  powerless  to  intervene. T he search for a causal explanations can be extremely   limiting

an d   others. H e m ust accept his culpability for his actions and bear  th e  full onus for ceasing his abuse and changing his behaviour. In the course of this  w o r k , I have become particularly interested interested in   the explanations for abusive behaviour, subscribed to by perpetrators, victims   an d  other persons influenced  the  abuse.  the   most influenced  by the  abuse.  O ne of the frequ ent  questions  I am   asked  by clients an d  colleagues alike  is,  W hy did he do  it? T he search for a causal explanation which is inherent in the   question Why? , is an inevitable characteristic of the  Western tradition of empirical science. Within   this  tradition,  a  problem  is  best solved  by

w h e n   it  serves only  to  relieve,  pacify  an d  excuse  th e  p erp etrato r  of responsibility.   F u r m a n a nd  A h o la la (1988),  quote Maturana's description of an   explanation  as "a  claim that  pacifies the  wonderer".  The  perpetrator ma y   discover an d  at tribu te responsibility to an  external cause which w as previously   concealed  from  him and so  feel  a  sense  of  relief, reduced culpability,   absolution from  guilt,  entitlement  to  forgiveness  an d new start where all can  can be  be  forgotten . T he   discovery permission  t o m a k e a e a new  . T he of   a causal explanation may relieve the abuse perpetrator   from  th e experience of   shame  an d  guilt which normally accompanies facing  up to, an d   accepting  full  responsibility for,  hi s  actions.

uncovering a uncovering  and nd rectifying its true tru e underlying cause. Finding the correct and

T he quest for a causal explanation  itself, can be pacifying for the perpetrator   and can  become  an end in  itself. When  abuse  perpetrators become extensively preoccupied with the search for a  cause, they generally generally do   little  to take responsibility for and cease  their abusive behaviour. They convince  themselves a nd  others that  they  ar e  trying hard as  they become increasingly  bogged dow n i n a  kind  of  introspect ive navel-gazing navel-gazing . Fu rth er instances   of  abuse  may be  responded  to by stepping  up  efforts  to  locate he   t r u e  an d  correct cause  - by trying more  of the  same. V i c ti ti m s  of abuse may become equally preoccupied with the question   Why? This question may be expressed in the  form, Why me?

true causal explanation is seen to be helpful in deciding who or what is to   blame for the problem, where to attribute responsibility and what action should be taken to solve solve it. Perpetra tors and   others influen ced by abuse, tend  to become  extremely preoccupied with the search  for a  causal explanation   of the  perpetrator's behaviour.  I n  fact, many  people feel explanation if they ar  ar e  unable  to explain  t he he   cause distressed, confused  confused   an d bewildered  bewildered   if they unable  to  explain t of   a  problem. A ll pe persons rsons influenced by tthe he abuse adopt particular explanations and ways of thinking about it, as they pursue this inevitable quest,   and the  explana tions adopted w ill have  an  imp o rtant  effect  on the

Invitations   to   Responsibility   2

or   W hy did he do  this? While such questions ar e  inevitable reflections of

Alan  Jenkins

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the victim's  victim's   experience of grief, they frequently  relate to  explanations in

which   the victim believ believes es tha t s/he shares responsibility for the  abuse. Consequently,  the search for causal explanations  often  leads to

EXPLANATIONS OF ABUSE  - AND  THEIR  CONSEQUENCES

I n   the following chapters, I will examine popular explanations and ways of thinking about abusive behaviou behaviour, r, along with the "soluti "solutions" ons"

ideas which promote blame blame   and the  avoidance  of  responsibility  by the the  avoidance  of  responsibility 

they  tend to promote. These explanations and attempted solutions will be

perpetrator  and  prevents the perpetrator  prevents the   discovery of discovery of   alternative solutions which  are

examined in the context of the limitations they place on helping the

likely  to be  helpful  to both the perpetrator and others influ influenced enced by the

perpetrator to cease his abusive behaviour and to to   develop  respectful  and

abuse.

sensitive relationships  with others.

Therapists,   too can  become preoccupied with causal causal explanations of abusive behaviour. This inadvertently promotes a similar

A look at the shortcomings of these   ways  of think ing leads to proposing  a  model  of  explanation which  I  find  useful  fo r understanding

preoccupation  in  their preoccupation 

and intervention with abuse abuse perp etrators and others   influenced  by the

clients

which

excuses   the  perpetrator excuses perpetrator   of

responsibility for the abuse.

abuse.

Systems theories, based on cybernetic approaches, challenge the empirical  tradition and propose new constructions of problems which are

TRANSLATING EXPLANATION INTO INTERVENTION

not not   based on causal explanation. According to such  constructivist

A   model o f  explanation  s only useful  if the solutions it proposes ca n   be   harnessed  in an  approach  to intervention. I   believe that approaches i nfo rm ed  by systems theory ca n  offer m u c h   to  therapists working working with  abusive men, if  t he y  ar e  sensitive  to the

 there are no true explanations - only subjective subjective constructions philosophies, there philosophies,

whi ch  are  created  created  by the  observer. Bateson's (1 (197 972, 2, 1980) notions notio ns   of co nt ex t  and r est ra int as develope d by White (19 (1984 84,, 1986 1986a, a,  1986b)  are particularly   useful  in explaining explaini ng abusive behaviour a and nd lead to innovative ideas  in ther apy. Abuse per petra tors can be see seen n to h old values and

beliefs   whi ch  act as  restraints  to the  acceptance  of  responsibility  for as  restraints  the  acceptance  of  responsibility  actions  and abusive  actions  abusive 

development  of  sensitive  and  respectful the  development  of  sensitive 

relationships  wi t h  o thers. These restraints are reflected in the ways ways tha t abusive males (and o thers) cons truct explana tions for their abusive actions and blueprints blueprints for relating to others. Restraints are   best  understood by

ex am i ni ng them in the context in which they have been  developed and are maintained. The behaviour of abuse abuse perpetrators tends to be quite consistent with their restrained views of themselves and their relationships and the context in which they experience and express these views. It is  helpful  to explore and understand the explanations and

at t ri b u t i o ns  of abusive male clients. The high levels levels of denial and avoidance of res responsibility ponsibility demons trate d by many abuse perpetrat ors are understandable in this context. Therapists who feel obliged to challenge "break  it down" without understanding  understanding  its context  context may this denial this denial   or  "break   may  find themselves  arguing more strongly for responsibility responsibility than their increasi increasingly ngly

"resistant"  clients.  An  understanding  of the  client's explanations  and attr ibutions of responsibility is essential for engagi engaging ng his cooperation and

wider   socio-cultural  context  and can  allow  therapists  to  challenge traditional  patterns of  attri buting responsi responsibility bility for violence. T he  model of explanation   based on a theory theo ry of restraint, leads to a model for intervention  in t hera py which is des designe igned d to assist abusive men in ceasing ceasing their   abusive behaviour and in learning to relate more sensitively, respectfully   and equitably with their part ners. This work is based on the assumption   that these goals can be best achieved if the abuse perpetrator accepts  responsibility for his abusive behaviour. This requires the th e man to ackno wl edg e  fully  th e  existence  an d  significance  of the  abuse  and to u n d e r s t a n d  th e  potential impact impact  of his  abusive actions upon  hi s partner a n d  others. It requires him to understand and  accept h is is   culpability for culpability for his a c tio n s  an d  ability  to  cease  hi s  abusive behaviour. (1987), and and   Knopp Brennan  (1985),  Gondolf  (1987),  Jennings (1987), (1984)  have  reviewed  th e  variety  of contemporary approaches to therapy w i t h  m al e  spouse abusers a nd  sexual offenders.  Most  of these approaches ack now le dge   problems  with motivation  in  abusive men. These include d en ia l  t h a t  there  is a  problem  with  violence  or  abuse, unwillingness to at t e nd   therapy, attending attending therap y in order to persuade a spouse to reunite or   to  avoid  legal charges once this goal  goal  is  achieved,  achieved,  and  avoidance of avoidance of

participation in therapy.

Invitations to to   Responsibility

Alan  Jenkins   5

r esp o n sib ility  fo r violence. N  N ot  surprisingly,  abusive  m en en   have often been

regarded   a s  resistant an d   unsuitable for regarded unsuitable for   therapy. Seeing these  men as resistant  is a recipe for therapist frustration and  f a i l ure .  Rather,  the  challenge  is to  derive  an  approach which will engage  the man in a way  that facilitates  his  taking responsibility  for his

John  T H E S E   B L OC W ANI M AL  LIBBERS  

T H E Y   JUST   W A N T   T O  S T O P   u s

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participation  in  therapy  and  encourages  an  active interest  and  motivation in   changing  his own behaviour.  The  model  for  intervention  I will  propose

rig ight

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rests  on  using  th e  understanding  of  patterns  of  attributing  responsibility fo r  violence  to  derive  an  approach that engages men  willingly in  therapy. I t  constitutes a framework  for  therapy which is based  on  White's  (1986a)

  Template  for  Therapy .  I  have  used  this framework  in  individual, group an d   couple  t h e r a p y  y  formats.   LOOK AT THEM ,  FLYING  SO  SENSUOUSLY AND PROVOCATIVELY LO LOW W

 - A N O   IT S   NATOML N A T U R A L  U R GE   , A N D

WEVE 

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Invitations  to Responsibility

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W I T H T H E  WORLD 

TODAY-NO-

Alan Je nkins 17

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