Parsons-Fein Press www. janeparsonsfein.com
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the participants, authors and publisher are not engaged in rendering professional services. If legal, accounting, medical, psychological, or any other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought. ADAPTED FROM A DECLARATION OF PRINCIPLES OF A JOINT COMMITTEE OF THE AMERICAN BAR ASSOCIATION AND PUBLISHERS. Copyright 2013 by Jane A. Parsons-Fein and Nicholas T. Parsons All rights reserved. Reproduction or translation of any part of this work beyond that permitted by Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act without the permission of the copyright owner is unlawful. Requests for permission should be directed to Jane Parsons-Fein at
[email protected] ISBN: 978-0-9910991-0-8
"Trust your unconscious; it knows more than you do."
"Discover their patterns of happiness."
"Don't try to imitate my voice, or my cadence. Just discover your own. Be your own natural self."
"And I was doing therapy the whole time and nobody knew it. I was discussing life, various forms of life, the beauty of life. Everybody thought I was lecturing on hypnosis-and demonstrating hypnosis. Anne didn't know I was doing any therapy either, just being a good subject. I knew what I was doing, nobody else did." (The Boston Nurse)
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS We began this work with only our commitment to Dr. Erickson's work to guide us. Our team began with Anastasiya Myrovych and myself. I want to thank the following: Anastasiya Myrovych whose calm presence, clear-headedness, and superior critical judgment has been a bedrock to this whole project. Nicole Patten joined in August of 2012 as a part-time technical assistant and contributed her excellent technical skill and creativity. Our audio engineer, Jon Smith, sensitively removed extraneous noise without interfering with Dr. Erickson's voice quality. We are grateful that we found David Bullock, a gifted graphics artist, who edited our introductory video and put the final touches on the designs for the DVDs and the book.]. Lawrence Thomas, PhD, painstakingly reviewed the synchronization of the text and subtitles. Lindsey Nakatani has been our conscientious and dedicated proofreader since August 2013. Our lawyer, Laverne Berry, Esq., had come on board earlier and has patiently and expertly guided us throughout. David G. Imber was always available to offer technical support and practical advice. Brooks Parsons was a touchstone of wisdom for tough decisions. Tucker Parsons labored to keep my written text tight and clear. Nick Parsons, LMFT, CHT, my partner and consultant, whose powerful support and lightness of touch have kept us on track from the beginning. I also want to acknowledge Bernard D. Fine, M.D., whose beautiful work with me many years earlier was profoundly healing and helped me to recognize Erickson's brilliance. We also want to thank members of the Manhattan Society of Clinical Hypnosis, a component of the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis, founded by Milton H. Erickson in 1957, for their enthusiastic encouragement. We hope that in the uninterrupted silence of your own room or group, you rediscover your curiosity and your ability to listen with your heart and your in:per mind. Erickson said, "The easiest things to see are often overlooked." May you enjoy seeing with new eyes.
TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction
15
A Short History by Jane Parsons-Fein
17
Story
Time
Story Name
Page
1
00:00
The Voluptuous Greek Orthodox Girl: Part I
22
2
22:00
Teach Correct Discrimination: Roxanna and Kristina
30
3
26:03
The Voluptuous Greek Orthodox Girl: Part II
31
4
37:44
A Shiny Distraction: Baby Betty Alice and the Knife
36
5
44:17
Always Misunderstand an Insult as a Compliment
38
6
52:12
Misunderstand It When Your Patient Says Something Tangential
41
7
58:20
"I Knew What I was Doing, Nobody Else Did": The Boston Nurse
43
8
1:16:19
"Put Me in a Trance Tonight-I Have a Problem": Florence
48
9
1:36:09
Telling the Truth: The Girl with the Big Fat Fanny
53
10
1:52:38
Be Direct: "Now Let's Be Honest, You CAN Control That Spasticity"
57
1
00:00
"Just a Superstition": Dallas Long
62
2
8:30
Handle Your Body and Forget the Last Shot: Olympic Rifle Team
64
3
12:34
"I'll Go in Swimming Tomorrow": Max and Wanda
65
4
22:02
Replace Bad Habits: Get Patients to DO Something Good
69
5
29:26
Harness the Energy: Temper-Tantrum Girl
71
6
33:37
Go into a Trance When We Meet Again: Harriet
73
7
39:03
"If You've Forgotten.. .That's Your Tough Luck": Medical Students
75
8
44:50
The Unconscious Can Solve Tactile Feelings Correctly: Wire Puzzles
77
9
49:23
"My Unconscious Is as Smart as He Is or Smarter"
79
10
1:01:23
"She Got Her Revenge in a Childish Way": The Bedwetter
83
11
1:06:28
"Maybe You Could Save Her Life?": Suzie
85
12
1:45:33
Students Ask Questions
96
Story
Time
Story Name
1
00:00
"You Can if You're a Gentleman": Joe and Edie
104
2
29:20
"You Know Where You Can Stuff That!": Pete
109
3
51:03
"One Place Where She Still Had Energy": The African Violet Queen
115
4
1:01:02
"Glorious Happiness Should Not Be Thrown Away": Cynthia
117
5
1:09:30
"Take a Vicious Pleasure"
119
6
1:19:28
"A Secure Reality": Handling an Uncontrollable Child
121
7
1:23:10
"Now, So You Don't Believe in Hypnosis": Jim and Gracie
122
8
1:45:52
Distraction: "Why Endure Pain? Is It Really Necessary?"
128
9
1:50:36
The Unimportance of Pain; the Importance of Comfort: Robert
130
10
2:06:01
The Basset Hound's Letter to the Milkman (Introduction): Roger
135
1
00:00
Roger's Letter to the Hospitalized Milkman
138
2
05:58
"She Would Look You Square in the Eye and Lie and Lie": Heidi-Ho
140
3
12:01
The K.indest Thing: Valentines from the Easter Bunny
142
4
18:08
Always Send Clippings and an Accompanying Note
145
5
20:32
Logarithms in Sixth Grade: Allan and Dyslexia
146
6
25:02
Recipe for Longevity: Emphasize the Positive
148
7
28:09
Their Neurosis Is Not an Alien Thing
149
8
30:27
Your Crying Will Save Me from Watering This Plant
150
9
37:24
White Tummy Stories: "You Grow Up with Your Children"
152
10
45:40
"Teach Humor to Your K.ids Right Away"
154
11
48:12
"That's YOUR Problem. I ONLY TEACH HERE": Betty Alice
155
12
58:46
Do the Unexpected Thing: Betty Alice and Roxanna
158
13
1:08:38
"You're Wrong Dr. Mead": Model for George
161
14
1:12:37
A Nickel a Trampled-down Bushel: George Digs Dandelions
163
15
1:32:00
One Restaurant Only: Victory for George
168
16
1:45:58
George Cuts the Umbilical Cord
172
Page
Story
Time
Story Name
1
00:00
"It Took Her Son's Arrest to Jar Her into Changing Her Mind"
178
2
09:50
"Meet the Patient at His Own Level": John's Fear
181
3
18:01
"I Wasn't Giving Her Anything I Wasn't Willing to Take": Theresa
183
4
27:17
Seeing Her Own Behavior: Big Louise
186
5
36:29
"That's the Last Time Ruth Went on a Rampage"
189
6
43:09
"Be Your Own Natural Self'
191
7
59:31
"In a Trance State You Can Be Aware of Anything You Wish"
197
8
1:38:09
"She Told Me She Couldn't Go into a Trance"
211
9
1:50:31
"I Don't Know if You're a Good Hypnotic Subject": Plane Phobia Part I
215
1
00:00
"What Other Problems Did You Used to Have?": Plane Phobia Part II
218
2
27:43
I Paralleled Her Fear of a Stranger Having Control: Plane Phobia Part III
226
3
31:50
"Neurosis is a Way of Hanging on to Things"
228
4
53:06
A Symbolic Act: Jimmy
234
5
1:51:54
"Maybe Your Unconscious Knows That You're Not Really Sincere"
251
Page
INTRODUCTION
We are pleased to present to you the complete word-for-word transcripts of Dr. Milton H. Erickson's training sessions filmed on October 3rd through the 12th, 1979 in Phoenix, Arizona.
If you have decided to own both the DVDs and the transcripts we suggest that you watch the DVDs first before reading the transcripts. We believe that experiencing Erickson on the DVDs is the best way to learn from him. When you then study the transcripts, you can deepen your DVD experience and rediscover the precision and elegance of Erickson's thinking. Erickson delighted in suspense and surprise and used them skillfully to deepen your trance experience. While watching the DVDs you can relax and listen to his language, his rhythm, his cadence, his use of silence, and absorb on unconscious levels. Studying the transcripts can lead to an appreciation that with Erickson there are no extraneous words or phrases-every word can fulfill his intention to reach many levels of consciousness.
Another reason we produced the transcripts is to facilitate the teaching of his work using the DVDs. The transcripts are in hardcover form so that they can survive much use. Thus you can more easily refer to the text while speaking and interacting with others. The more you watch the DVDs and immerse yourself in these transcripts, the more you can enhance your understanding of Erickson's approaches and refine your own way of working. We hope this material will inspire you on your journey to bring evermore healing, wisdom, creativity, and skillful love into your work.
A SHORT HISTORY BY JANE PARSONS-FEIN Milton Erickson changed my life before I even met him. In 1974 I was sitting in Central Park reading Uncommon Therapy by Jay Haley. I came upon Erickson's work with a twenty-one-year-old, suicidal girl with a hated space between her two front teeth. It was like getting struck by a lightning bolt of excitement. I had been working in the Department of Psychiatry at Mount Sinai Hospital for five years. Something about Erickson's thinking was so different from traditional psychotherapy that I vowed to find him and study with him. Five years later I was flying to Phoenix.
I sat in the little room next to his office surrounded by a small group of colleagues ready with tape recorders. When Mrs. Erickson wheeled him in I noticed his amethyst bolo, his purple jacket and how carefully his hair had been parted. He sat looking at the floor, lifted his head, looked around, then told a joke.
For several hours we listened to the rhythm and cadence of his voice, laughed at his jokes, waited in suspense, and were deeply stirred as he intricately wove together his case histories that seemed to be metaphors of what life was all about. We were in trance.
I asked Dr. Erickson about my personal dilemma: I had broken up a number of times with the man I dearly loved, Arnold Fein, because he wouldn't marry me. I wasn't sure what to do with this relationship. Erickson looked at me intently, then gently said, "He'll circle and circle but he may never land." That brutal truth, that one sentence unfogged me. I came to accept what I resisted before: that Arnold would never marry me. I decided to stop pressuring him and stay with him unmarried. I would put all my energies into developing my private practice, studying and refining my work. I went part-time and ultimately left the hospital. I then telephoned Dr. Erickson and asked if I could return to videotape his training sessions. He generously gave me his permission. I arrived a day early in Phoenix with the video camera, tripod, VCR and quantities of blank tapes. I found an electronics store and spent the day learning how to run the video camera. Unfortunately the first day of training sessions was lost. We
had no sound. So I went back for more lessons.
My camera was close to him during these two weeks. I wanted to show his face clearly-how he shifted in and out of trance. I also wanted to capture on film his remarkable trance involvement in his own vivid storytelling. He lived his storiesmoving his hands, shaking his head, using his "ocular fix," and attuning to the power of silence. He moved with us in a flowing exchange of consciousness. Some months later I telephoned Mrs. Erickson to ask Dr. Erickson what he wanted me to do with these tapes. His answer was typical Erickson, "I know you'll do what's appropriate." He died several days later.
I originally filmed Dr. Erickson because I needed to study repeatedly actual video footage of him working. I wanted to integrate what I learned into my own work and eventually teach it. A group of us studied the videos for a year, and we started to teach his work in 1981.
A year after that I flew out to Park City, Utah for a month-long family therapy training. Unexpectedly Arnold came after me. We married a year later. He had landed.
In the 35 years since videotaping Erickson, I have come to recognize the long-term effects that he had on my own life and work, and on the lives and work of so many of my colleagues who studied with him. I believe that these long-term effects show how direct exposure to Erickson himself working with trance states and the unconscious provides experiential learning that can be gained no other way. Having direct exposure to Erickson on these DVDs can evoke deepening awareness of self, similar to the experiences of those who were sitting in that office. The more years that pass the more I feel committed to bringing this footage out into the world so that other people can directly immerse themselves in his teachings, his presence, and how deeply his presence embodied what he taught.
I have lived with these DVDs, watching them for many years now. Each time a new idea comes alive. Erickson's respect for and love of language, his impeccable use of words, and his attunement to their effect on the shifting states of consciousness are a major contribution to the world of psychotherapy. May your study of Erickson's words add another level of integration to your experience of Erickson himself.
IN THE ROOM WITH
MILTON H. ERICKSON, M.D.
Disc 1 October 3rd, 1979
Disc 1 i P:1gc 21
STORY1 The Voluptuous Greek Orthodox Girl: Part I Milton Erickson: Betty.
Betry: Yeah?
Milton Erickson: He's trying to outclass you.
Student: They're purple.
Milton Erickson: Go over and look at it.
Betty: I was looking at it when you came in, you're nice-
Milton Erickson: What is it?
Betry:Uhh-
Student: A hawk.
Betry: I was going to say a thunderbird maybe, but it's uh-
Student: Well it could be a thunderbird.
Betty: Yeah that's very nice.
Milton Erickson: Well the first thing should be: will all those who aren't here today speak up.
Disc 11 P:1gc 22
Student: Dr. Erickson, would you be willing to explain some of the things you've been doing the last couple of days?
Milton Erickson: Tell me what you know and I'll intuit.
For example?
Student: Urn, I get, uh-from the stories you tell I understand bits of them and I also can tell that there are other parts of them I'm not understanding. And I also, urnwonder when you're working with us, when you're doing therapy with us, and when you're not.
Milton Erickson: I'm doing therapy with you when you take advantage of me.
Student: So, all the time.
Student: We're all taking advantage of you.
Student: I have a couple of questions I'd like to ask you relating to hypnotism.
Milton En.ckson: All right.
Student: One is around the 11-year-old girl that was a bedwetter, and you-you helped her to discover something she already knew but didn't know she knew. When you described that case you talked about putting her in a light trance or some kind of a trance first. And I didn't understand from the story what was the purpose of putting her in a trance? I didn't understand how hypnotizing her fit into the whole treatment.
Milton Erickson: The purpose of putting her into a trance was to hold her attention. Big girls squirm around enough, and younger girls squirm still more. I wanted her to sit still. I wanted to give her-her to give me her full attention. And then I also wanted her unconscious mind to be listening. So I took her out of the-her ordinary state of conscious awareness and limited her awareness to my voice and to the paperweight. And thus I had her whole attention. And, 'in getting her whole attention she absorbed everything I said without trying to elaborate it or dispute it. Disc 11 P:1gc 23
At the same time I used [redacted] here to show you that in the trance state you can dispute, you don't have to accept. You are as free as you are in the waking state. When you're doing therapy-a dentist can tell you hold your head still while he pulls a tooth, but you're not likely to do that.
Student: I was freer in the trance state.
Milton Erickson: Hmm?
Student: I was freer-more free-in the trance state than in the waking state.
Milton Erickson: Yes, you had fewer restrictions because we learn a lot of restrictions. And you knew that while you argued with me and disputed me, there'd be no ill feeling on my part.
Student: Yes, you wouldn't reject me.
Mzlton Erickson: I wouldn't reject you. I would see you were comfortable.
Student: Very.
Milton Erickson: And while you're in a waking state you can always say, "Will I offend him? Will he reject me?"
As for today, what I think I'll do is to give you a purely psychological problem. A purely psychological and a very important problem. And I'll-I'll ask you to try to understand it. I do a lot of hopeless things like that.
A bookkeeper in a Michigan hospital-
Student: I beg your pardon?
Mzlton Erickson: A bookkeeper in a Michigan hospital, a young man, I liked him very much. He was about 15 pounds underweight and he belonged to a Greek Orthodox Disc 1 ! P:1gc 24
Church. He fell in love with a Greek Orthodox Church member. And she fell in love with him. And she was one of these utterly beautiful, voluptuous girls that could arouse a sexual response in any man who could see her. And of course, his matesbookkeeping mates at the hospital ribbed him a lot, teased him a lot, told him if he ever married that girl she'd wear him down to a shadow. And they were married in the Greek Orthodox Church. The girl was-her father had died when she was very, very small, three-years old, something like that, and the mother had reared her. And the mother was a very devout church member and she was very, very possessive of her daughter because she taught her daughter to distrust men, absolutely distrust ALL men. And it was an intensive condition the mother gave the girl. The mother approved of the young man, approved of the marriage, and openly expressed her hope for grandchildren. And during the marriage, of course, the ceremony was completed by a kiss, and a very chaste kiss in church.
When they got home to their apartment the young husband discovered that if he wanted to kiss his bride again he could put his hands on her shoulders and no lower. And that night when they went to bed, they both went to bed happily, anticipating the consummation of the marriage. But she got in on her side and he got in on his side and when he started to move over to her side of the bed she became hysterical, frightened, slid out of bed and cried and trembled, and was absolutely in utter fear. And that went on night after night. She knew that was wrong. He loved her. He thought she'd get over it. But as long as she was fully clothed she could kiss him ardently, but he must not put his hands below her shoulders. She knew that was wrong and she tried to let him kiss her in her pajamas. When he went toward her he kissed her in her pajamas, she became frightened, screamed, backed away from him, trembled, absolutely terrified. And, when he-four months later he had lost another forty pounds, teased by his office mates.
I had met the girl at a hospital picnic. She was a very nice, normal girl. She was friendly, agreeable. She was very much in awe of the superintendent, very much in awe of me because I was next in rank to the superintendent, and she knew her husband's respect forme.
After four months' loss of forty pounds, the young man sought me out and told me, "I can only kiss my wife if I've got my hands on her shoulders. I have to be very careful if I want to hug her, to keep my hands on the back of her neck. I can't get near her in her pajamas. She knows it's wrong, she'll sleep in the nude with me but she won't let me touch her. If she senses my hand coming toward her in the bed she slides out, terrified. We talked it over, fully dressed, at the table and she says she can't help what she's doing and I believe her. But I can't stand to g9 on like this. I love her. She loves me. We want children. You know how impossible it would be if we don't have intercourse. She will walk around in the nude in the bedroom, but if I make a move toward her she goes into Disc 1 I P;tgc 25
a panic state. I've discussed with her having psychotherapy and she's very eager for it. And she's told me that you are the only man that she would talk to. She knows she can't talk to the superintendent and she doesn't like the other psychiatrists but she has told me she'd like to talk to you."
Her mother's worried, awfully frightened. His mother wanted grandchildren right away. I agreed to take the case. Now how would you handle that case? Now consider, if he reached out and touched her arm like that she'd be across the room, trembling and screaming. If he touched her on the knee like that she'd be across the room, screaming and trembling, literally out of her mind with terror. Her mother had done a very thorough job. Yet the mother approved of the marriage and she wanted grandchildren.
Now how are you going to handle that case? How are you going to de-find it?
Student: Define it?
Milton En"ckson: De-find it, as a therapeutic problem.
Student: Dissociate her in some way.
Milton Erickson: What's that?
Student: Dissociate her so that she could get through the experience without having to experience the fear.
Milton Erickson: A girl that frightened-well [redacted] illustrated the opposite. Now under no circumstances would [redacted] say, "You could awaken me by kissing me," in the waking state before a group. She couldn't do it. Isn't that right? And this girl, whether awake or in a trance, her fear and terror are still there. And so hypnosis couldn't help. Besides, her problem was conscious. She knew about it. And you had to treat it in the conscious state. When the problem is unconscious-and [redacted]'s difficulties with me were largely unconscious-then she could take charge because she felt safe in the trance state. This girl had been taught ALL men-had been deeply engrained on her.
Student: Well, it seems like the problem is conscious but there's unconscious elements in it. Disc 1 i p,;ge 26
lv1ilton Erickson: That's right. Now what was that unconscious element?
Student: Most likely the fear that her mother transmitted to her when she was, you know, three-years old.
lv1ilton Erickson: Yes, but what did the mother do?
Student: Specifically, what did the mother do?
Student: What'd you say happened to the father?
Milton Erickson: Died.
Student: So, the fear oflosing a man.
Milton Erickson: She had no siblings.
Student: So, did she sleep with her mother?
Milton Erickson: She grew up with her mother. No siblings.
Student: Did she sleep with her mother?
Milton Erickson: In all other regards her mother was a nice woman.
Student: Her mother transmitted to her if you get too close to a man-
Milton Erickson: Had transmitted to her an all-inclusive fear of men.
Student: Of being abandoned if you get too close.
Disc 11 P:1gc 2
Milton Erickson: And being dangerous.
Student: Oh, her husband died.
Milton Erickson: Just falling in love and getting married could not dispute all her childhood, girlhood, young-womanhood teachings. Now how would you handle that?
All right. The first thing you need to do is recognize the problem is hers, all hers, and not her husband's.
Student: That's what you think.
Milton Erickson: It wasn't her husband's problem. He was ready to consummate the marriage many, many times but she wasn't. It was her problem. So how are you going to handle the problem?
Student: I think you'd have to do some kind of age regression and get her back to- you'd have to do some kind of age regression and get her back to that age when she learned those fears so that she could unlearn them.
Milton Erickson: There's a lot of truth when you live in a big city like Detroit to avoid strange men.
Student: There's a lot of truth?
Milton Erickson: Mmhmm.
Student: Do you do some reality testing on how to separate out who to be fearful of and who not to be fearful of?
Milton Erickson: That's right. Her mother hadn't done that.
Student: She hadn't been discriminating enough.
Disc 1 : P:1ge 28
Student: That it's a good fear but it only applies in certain places.
Disc 11 P:1gc 29
STORY2 Teach Correct Discrimination: Roxanna and Kristina Milton Erickson: Yes, but still, little children, little girls are taught to fear strangers. And parents fail to know what a stranger is to a child. Parents fail to explain to a child who a stranger is. A nicely dressed man, a nice car like Daddy's car, is not a stranger. He's too much like Daddy. Illustrate the discrimination that should be taught.
My wife and Betty Alice and three-years old Roxanna and 18-months old Kristina were with them in Detroit. And Betty Alice and her mother wanted to go shopping in Hudson's Department Store and told the little girls, "You play in the sandbox. Don't leave the sandbox. Stay there and play there. Don't leave it." They came out after the store had closed for the day and headed for the playground right over by Hudson's Department Store and there were no little girls. And neither Betty Alice nor her mother could understand why Roxanna and Kristina had disobeyed. No little girls in the sandbox. Betty Alice said, "You go this way and I'll go that way, looking for the girls." Just then a very red-faced policeman came around the corner, a little girl in each hand. And Roxanna explained, "We had to go to the bathroom so we asked the policeman." There was a policeman on duty and that on the grounds there, just to protect little children. And they knew enough that- to recognize him as a policeman. And police protect people. And that poor policeman was so red-faced when Roxanna gave her explanation. But I think he felt very proud when he got home that two little girls had recognized that he was their protector.
Now that's discrimination and correct discrimination. They couldn't ask a clergyman, a priest. They didn't know who wears the headband and who wears his collar around backwards. The children weren't old enough to make that kind of discrimination. Yet they could discriminate police.
Disc 1 i P:1ge 30
STORY3 The Voluptuous Greek Orthodox Girl: Part II Milton Erickson: All right. I told the young man that I would see his wife. And she came in, very embarrassed, that Saturday afternoon. I questioned her about being in love with her husband, about her mother's teachings, about their bedtime behavior. She's always ashamed of it. She said, "I can't help it." And she explained to me she wanted to have the marriage consummated and she wanted to get pregnant. It was very important to her mother to have grandchildren. She lost her husband and couldn't have more children and she did want grandchildren. And I agreed with the girl that her mother was entitled to grandchildren. Now she was seeing me because she- of all the doctors at the hospital I was the one that she had sorted as being safe and she was very free in explaining the difficulty. And her story was corroborated by the story that her husband had told me. So how could I get the girl to handle the situation?
Student: Since it was her mother that gave her the indiscriminant teaching could you get-talk to the mother and get the mother to reinstruct her daughter with the proper kind of discrimination?
lVIilton Erickson: Do you speak English? Do you speak French?
Student: Slightly.
lVIilton Erickson: Do you speak Japanese?
Student: Not at all.
lVIilton Erickson: If you married a Japanese girl could your mother tell you how to do lovetalk to a Japanese girl?
Student: My mother?
lVIilton Erickson: Mmhmm.
Disc 11 P;lgc 31
Student: No.
Other Student: She was Japanese?
Milton Erickson: No!
Other Student: How can your mother tell you how to do lovetalk?
Milton Erickson: She couldn't understand that kind of adult talk.
Student: How could she teach her to talk lovetalk to anybody when she didn't know about it herself.
Mzlton Erickson: Her mother had given her one kind of instruction: a language of fear. And that's the language she does understand. I've given you a tip.
Student: She needed to learn the language of love.
Milton Erickson: Huh?
Student: She needed to learn the language of love.
Milton Erickson: Yes. And how could I teach her that?
Student: Well the most likely person would be her husband to teach her that.
Milton Erickson: And he didn't do it after four months.
Student: Something already was going on between you and her. She had already said that he is the only man-
Milton Erickson: What's that? Disc
11 P:1gc 32
Student: Something already was going on with her in regard to you. You were the only man that she trusted. And you were already beginning to teach her that. I mean that was already- it was- the seed was already there between you and her.
}vfilton Erickson: All right. I'll tell you what I did. I said, "Today is Saturday."
Student: Today is Saturday.
J.V!ilton Erickson: Today is Saturday. And you recognize the consummation of marriage is important. And you could consummate the marriage tonight but I prefer Friday. You could consummate the marriage tomorrow, Sunday night, but I would prefer Friday. You might on Monday night, but I would prefer Friday. You might on Tuesday night, but I would prefer Friday. You might on Wednesday. I would prefer Friday. You might on Thursday night, but I would prefer Friday." I named all the days of all the years yet to come. And Friday was my night. The marriage wasn't consummated.
I told her husband, "You go to bed, go to sleep, and be totally passive, and never make a move." Saturday night passed, without her husband making a move, without her making a move. That's how Saturday night goes. Sunday night the same thing. And my night of Friday was getting closer. Tuesday night went by. Wednesday night. And my night of Friday, MY night was getting closer. And Thursday night she awakened her husband who was sound asleep and raped him.
Student: Thursday night?
lVIilton Erickson: Yes. After eleven o'clock.
Student: But it wasn't Friday.
lVIilton Erickson: No. I gave her a chance to be afraid of a man on Friday night.
Student: I thought you were giving her permission that way.
Milton Erickson: No. I gave her a situation where she could be afraid of a man on Friday. Disc 1!
3:
And she waited until the last possible hour and it was her problem and she raped him.
Student: Was she your patient after that?
Milton Erickson: No.
Milton Erickson: And that surprised him and he functioned adequately. But, her mother had never told her be careful that she didn't rape men.
Student: It's true.
Milton Erickson: Her mother had told her "fear a man" and never said anything about her attacking men. So I set up a situation in which she could take the initiative and attack a man. And she had never been taught not to rape a man. I just filled in where her mother had left a vacancy. And I gave her me to fear as a representative of all men.
And then the husband told me about it on Friday morning and said, "After she raped me and tried to go to sleep and we decided to have intercourse and we had it before breakfast too, and we're going to have it tonight." The entire barrier is broken. And I told you, it was her problem and she had to solve it.
Student: So, what about her trust of men? I mean, that barrier was broken but what about her-
Milton Erickson: Trust in me?
Student: Trusting men.
Milton Erickson: And she didn't know I was teaching her to fear me. All I said was I would prefer that she and her husband consummate the marriage on Friday night, my night. That brought me into a three-sided sexual relationship.
Student: But do you think, I mean, that that broke the sexual barrier. But what effect do you think that that had on her ability to trust men ultimately?
Disc 1 j Page 34
Student: Well she trusted her husband; she loved him. It was just in the sexual area she had these prohibitions. And he said she was normal in other ways.
Milton Erickson: Her fear of all men included her husband. She respected me because of my position of trust in the hospital. A 4,000 bed hospital, medical school, Michigan State University, Wayne State University- urn- Graduate School, he had three professorships. And she knew that everybody respected me. So I could be a man safe to talk to. Now when I started preferring Friday night, I too became a sexual man. And she knew she could still trust me and recognized I was a sexual man. Her escape to me and do the one thing her mother had forgotten to warn her about-her raping a man. And that was her problem.
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STORY4 A Shiny Distraction: Baby .Betty Alice and the Knife Student: That reminds me of your story about this girl Cinnamon Face whom you provided a channel for the anger or a channel for the fear and that was a critical part of the treatment, giving her someone -giving the child someone to be angry at.
Milton Erickson: "You're a thiefl You steal!" That channeled her anger.
Student: And with this woman you channeled her fear toward yourself. Milton Erickson: I channeled her fear about MY Friday night. And so she ran away from that. And raped her husband and having had sex relations then her husband was accessible to her.
Student: Then her husband was-
Milton Erickson: Her husband was accessible to her. It's sort of like a litde baby gets ahold of a sharp butcher knife and gripping it by the blade. How are you going to take that sharp butcher knife away from the baby?
Student: Distract the baby.
Student: Offer it something else to hold on to.
Mzlton Erickson: What is she going to trade that butcher knife which is bright and shiny?
Student: Depends on the kid, candy or something else bright and shiny. Something that wiggles.
Milton Erickson: What?
Milton Erickson: Our Betty Alice sat on the floor with a sharp butcher knife in her hand and she was bright enough to recognize that Mother always put such things out of her reach. She finally got ahold of one. She wouldn't let Mother take it away from her.
So I said, "That's pretty." Went up to the bedroom and got her a hand mirror, stood near a window, held the mirror so it would reflect the sun against the ceiling, wiggled it, and the bright spot went all around everywhere. And she took the mirror away from me. And I had the butcher knife. You see, you should deal with children at their level. Try to tell a little baby like that "no"-Betty Alice you couldn't tell anything to.
Now the steam was first turned on in the hospital where we lived. Because we lived in a hospital building. I took her into the steam register and pointed to it and said, "Baby, hurt baby. Make baby cry. Don't touch. Baby get burned." Here I was giving her orders so she grabbed ahold of it and promptly let loose. I took her out in the other room and dressed her hand. And I took her into another bedroom, pointed to another register and, "Hurt baby. Baby-baby cry. Bite baby. Burn baby." She slapped it with the other hand.
Student: Oh no.
Milton Erickson: So I dressed that hand and then I took her into another room and pointed, "Bite baby. Hurt baby. Make baby cry." And this time that exploring finger moved slowly, felt the heat, and drew it away. I had a collection of cactus and I picked out the cactus with the most-least dangerous thorns. I looked at Betty Alice and said, "Musn't touch. Bite baby. Hurt baby. Baby cry." She took good grip. So I pulled the stickers out, dressed her hand, and I showed her another cactus. I said, "Bite baby. Hurt baby. Baby cry." So she slapped it. I dressed her hand again then I showed her another cactus. That exploring finger-and when she felt the thorn her curiosity was satisfied.
Student: She had that Erickson drive.
Milton Erickson: Or stupidity.
Student: No.
Other Student: I want to learn myself. Disc 11 P:1gc:
STORY5 Always Misunderstand an Insult as a Compliment Milton Erickson: You see, I taught my children not to be afraid of things, and to try to handle them correctly, no matter what they were. And I taught my children, "Never let anybody hurt your feelings."
If somebody tries and they succeed rush, run, don't walk to the nearest garbage can and dump your hurt feelings.
And she graduated mid-year in Michigan as a teacher and applied for a job in industrial Detroit. And she noticed that all the teachers had their faces averted. She read the scuh-contract. She noticed the school board were holding their breath while she was reading the contract. Yet she wanted a job so she signed the contract.
The first thing that happened was an old biddy on the faculty said, "We must give the new teacher a welcome party."And when that old biddy made that announcement all the other teachers looked at the floor, they had hangdog looks on their faces and nobody else looked at Betty Alice.
And Betty Alice said, "This has every evidence of proving to be a disagreeable situation. It's a party I don't want to miss." So she arranged to be the last one to arrive. She rang the doorbell, the old biddy opened the door, took her gently by the arm -led her out to the middle of the room.
Betty Alice didn't know what was coming. All the teachers were looking at the floor, at the wall.
The old biddy said, "Miss Erickson, in all my years of teaching I've never before encountered anybody so ignorant, so stupid, so ill-fitted, so incompetent, so unprepared to teach."
Student: My goodness.
Milton Erickson: And Betty Alice smiled happily and modestly and said, "That's because I Disc 1 i Page 38
worked so hard at it."
"That's because I worked so hard at it."
And the old biddy left and the teachers all had a good time.
A high school teacher said of one of my sons, "That was the most idiotic, utterly stupid performance, worst I've ever seen." And my son said wonderingly, "And I wasn't even half trying["
You don't take insults. You leave them with the insulter. It's his problem. And in therapy your patient will come to you with hurt feelings: "My husband called me an ignorant, incompetent, nonentity."
"Is that the best your husband could do? Is his vocabulary lacking? He must've meant something but what did he mean using just those few words?" And she starts looking at the insults in a different way. And I've discredited the insult.
Always turn any insult-always misunderstand it as a compliment. And that baffles the person.
"Are you really that stupid?"
"Only on Wednesdays." Yet what do you do with that answer? Disc 1 i P;tgc J
Student: You're stuck with it.
Milton Erickson: "You're the homeliest girl I ever met."
"That's why I won the title on the 31st of February, Leap Year."
Student: "You're the homeliest girl I ever met." and she says, "That's why I won the title, on the 31st of February."
Milton Erickson: What are they going to do? With your very stupid remark? They're going to try to make sense out of it. And that's their problem.
And now Mrs. Erickson fell down the basement steps and Betty Alice was in the basement about nine-years old. And as her mother was picking herself up Betty Alice says, "Why did you do that, Mother?" And Betty's reaction was one of rage and then total amusement. It helped soothe her-her bruises.
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STORY6 Misunderstand It When Your Patient Says Something Tangential lv1ilton Erickson: One day in the Hilton Hotel in Detroit, I was lecturing there, Betty was with me, and Betty Alice, and Betty Alice's roommate. And I got on the elevator alone afterwards and the operator complimented me on my two very beautiful daughters. And later that day in the evening, when we got on that same elevator, Kelly, Betty Alice, Betty, and I, and a very drunk doctor got on. He propositioned Mrs. Erickson quite plainly. And she misunderstood him being inquiring about the obscure English philosopher Penlon, named Penlon.
So she said, "Oh, you mean Penlon, that obscure English philosopher."
And the drunk looked at her, "How stupid can a broad be?" So she asked him much more plainly. And that time she misunderstood him being inquiring about Descartes, the French mathematician.
And he was so discouraged, he turned to Kelly and said, "Will you come up to my room and look at my etchings?"
Kelly said, "No." So he got off.
The elevator operator-and then Betty Alice said, "Mama, didn't you know he was propositioning you?"
And Mama said, "Of course I did, but he doesn't know I know." And the poor operator heard Betty Alice, who he called my daughter, say, "Mama" to my other daughter.
So in therapy when your patient says something that is tangential for your therapy, misunderstand it, give it a new interpretation, and make that tangential remark totally useless. Some patients will try to pick a-quarrel with the therapist or try to lead the therapist to look in the wrong direction. And you can use your own stupidity to keep right on the right track. Disc 1 i P:1gc 4
Student: Could you give another example of that in a therapy situation?
Milton Erickson: An alcoholic was telling me all about his beginning drinking his increase- slow increasing drinking, his first drunk, his second drunk, his first prolonged drunk. Then he made some idiotic accusation against his mother. He's trying to distract you from his story of being drunk and lead you astray in defending his mother. Now I said, "Did she have one or two legs?"
Student: Perfect.
Student: You beat them at their own game.
Milton Erickson: Hm?
Student: You beat them at their own game.
Milton Erickson: I beat them at their own game. That usually gets a laugh and we go right back to his drunkenness. Why should you let the patient guide the interview? It's your task to guide it.
Now, I told you about a man in a group that came here getting instruction about terminal disease in children and how he lost 159 pounds. And I never mentioned weight. Well, just being in the group hearing me discuss children, he applied what I said to himself. Because he was a child in relationship to himself, a spoiled, selfish child.
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STORY7 "I Knew What I Was Doing, Nobody Else Did": The Boston Nurse Milton Erickson: Now, in October 6th, 1956 I was invited to address a national convention of psychiatrists at the Boston State Hospital. Leo Alexander was the doctor in charge of the program. When I arrived he asked me to talk on hypnosis.
Then he said, "Could you give a-a very complete demonstration?"
Then I said, "I can call members of the audience. If I do that they'll all have a feeling they missed something. And both you and I know that they won't miss anything. Now there will be a general feeling of dissatisfaction. And they will have learned without knowing they learned. I prefer some subject I could invite."
He said, "Well why don't you go around the wards and find a suitable subject?"
I went around the various wards and I saw the nurse who intrigued me. She was a very responsive nurse and I knew it would be no problem at all to put her in a trance. And so I told Dr. Alexander I'd see the nurse, told him her name, and said she'd volunteered. She knew nothing about hypnosis, never heard a lecture, never saw a demonstration. In other words she's a perfect subject.
When I told Dr. Alexander her name he said, "Oh no, no, no, no! That girl has been in psychoanalysis for two years. She is a compensated depressive." In case you don't know what that means, it's a depressed patient who has compensated for her depression and just absorbing herself in her work, and doing it very well with the absolutely rigid intensity of bringing it to a sharp halt. And everybody in the hospital knew that nurse was going to resign from the hospital on October 20th and she was going to commit suicide. And she had already given away all of her jewelry and a lot of her clothes, keeping just enough to last until October 20th. And this is October the 6th.
He said, "That girl is going to commit suicide. We all know it. We're all prepared for it. And nobody can talk the girl out of it. And we're all alarmed. She does her work perfectly and you won't hear anything about her plans, and she's dead-set on it."
Disc 1! P:1gc 43
I said, "Well I promised the girl; the girl promised me. If I refuse to use her I can be the final rejection of her and she could commit suicide before October 20th. So I don't see any way out of the trap I've got myself into except to use her."
And the entire staff, all her friends argued with me, but I couldn't see any way out of it except by using her. So I gave my lecture. I called on a few of the audience to demonstrate hand levitation or anesthesia, or some minor thing. And then I called Anne. I told Anne where to sit in the auditorium. I called on her to stand up.
She stood up and I said, "Now Anne, walk up to the stage and come all the way to me. And don't walk too fast. Don't walk too slowly. And with each step go a little of the way into the trance so that when you get all the way up to me you'll be in a deep trance." And it was nice to see her walk with a measured step all the way up. When she arrived at the stage she came next to me her eyes were open and she was in a very deep, deep trance.
And I said, "Where are you?"
And she said, "Here."
And I said, ''Where is here?"
She said, "With you."
"Is there anybody else around?"
"No."
"Where are you?"
"Here with you."
''What's out there?"
Disc 1 ! P:1gc 44
"Nothing."
"There?"
"Nothing." And total negative hallucinations for all her surroundings. Well I demonstrated catalepsy in her. She was already demonstrating negative hallucinations.
And then I said to her, "You know Anne, there is such a time-thing as time distortion in hypnosis. Would you like to know what time distortion is?" She was interested. And I said, "A minute can seem like an hour, or hours can seem like just a few minutes. You can expand time; you can contract time. Now when you drop medicine in the eye of a child, the child, he waits, and waits, and waits, and waits, and waits until you do the second two. But to the child he was waiting, waiting, waiting.
"And you will have friends come and visit you you haven't seen for a long time and stay all afternoon and at six o'clock you all say, 'What happened to the day? The whole day has disappeared so rapidly.' You can expand time; you can contract time."
So I gave her a few lessons in time distortion. And then I suggested that we go to the Boston Arboretum. She promptly hallucinated us in the Boston Arboretum. I pointed to the annuals that were dying and mentioned how they would be replanted next spring. Perennials, they were dying too. And they would come to life again next spring all by themselves. I pointed to the leaves that were changing color this October. And New England is a very nice place to see the changing color of leaves. And I pointed out various shrubs, bushes, vines, and trees. Discussed their flowering, the development of Disc 1 i p,1gc 45
seed and fruit and how many plants distribute their seeds in various ways. Dandelion by having down, and the wind takes the seed and carries it. How the seeds are eaten by birds, not digested but they're spread around. And Anne and I had a very interesting trip to the Arboretum. We went in rather rapid time because I had Anne enlarging mentally on everything I had said and I didn't have to say very much. Now the audience could hear me talking about the Arboretum. And then I suggested we go to the Boston Zoo. I told her about the baby kangaroos; she had never seen one. She was almost like being at the zoo. We looked at the baby kangaroo, the adult ones, and the lions, their cubs, and the tigers and their cubs, the wolves and their whelps and the elephants and the monkeys and so on, and bears. And then we went to the aviary and looked at the birds. And I spoke about the migration of birds, how a tern was born, how they hatched out one summer in the aerie. And when the right time comes they fly 10,000 miles to the tip of South America. It doesn't have a compass, it has no college education, but he finds his way anyway. We spoke about the wonders of living creatures. And then we went back to the hospital. I gave her a positive view of the audience. I let various members of the hospital staff talk to her and demonstrate rapport. She talked to them and not as a nurse but as an equal. She was a very lovely subject.
And then I suggested, "Anne, the hospital is boring, let's walk down to the Boston beach." We spoke about the beach having been there long before the white menenjoyed by the Indians, countless generations of Indians. And then countless generations of whites with pale faces who had enjoyed the beach. And it was at the present a very lovely beach, being enjoyed by the current generation. Yet that beach of green being there permanent for future generations. And I had her look at the ocean, as it was smooth with small waves on it, huge waves. We talked about the inhabitants of the ocean, the migrations of the green turtle, the whales, the salmon, their mysterious ways of finding home in some river. Salmon, the eels, the hatching on the land down the river and nobody knows where they go. Eventually they return to the land to lay their eggs-same with salmon, same with the green turtle. We spoke of all the mystery of the ocean, how mysterious it was. And there was a tide-go out and come back in. And we see the violent storm of the ocean. And we wandered back to the hospital and did a few more things. And I thanked her very profusely in the trance state. And I awakened her and thanked her for her services. She was obviously surprised she thought she just arrived on the platform. She had total amnesia. I dismissed her. She went back to the ward to complete the day's work. And the audience discussed her performance with me. Asked me a lot of questions.
The next day Anne did not come to work. It alarmed her friends. The next day she didn't show up for work. Went to her apartment, couldn't find any traces of her uniform, just a few clothes that she had kept. She had-she was an orphan, had no siblings. The police were called in: missing person. The police could find no trace of her Disc 1 i P:1gc 4(,
body.
A year later when I lectured in Boston, Dr. Alexander and I were very unpopular. Nothing had been heard from Anne. Five years later everybody had forgotten Anne except Dr. Alexander and me. Still no traces. Ten years later, no traces. Fifteen years later, no traces.
And sixteen years later, one afternoon I got a long-distance call from Florida. A woman's voice said, "You probably will not remember me. My name is Anne. I was the nurse that you used as a subject at the Boston State Hospital in 1956. I was thinking today you might like to know what had happened to me." I told her I was very interested. Upon leaving work she went to the Naval recruiting station. And she demanded immediate induction into the Navy. She had all her credentials. The Navy took her in. Served a couple of enlistments. And then she was discharged in Florida and got a job in a hospital there. Met a retired Air Force officer, married him, had five children.
And I was doing therapy the whole time and nobody knew it. I was discussing life, various forms of life, the beauty of life. Everybody thought I was lecturing on hypnosis-and demonstrating hypnosis. Anne didn't know I was doing any therapy either, just being a good subject. I knew what I was doing, nobody else did.
Now therapy can be done and your patient makes her own interpretation, makes her own value about what you say and they apply it to themselves any way they wish.
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STORY8 "Put Me in a Trance Tonight-1 Have a Problem": Florence Mzlton Erickson: Also at that meeting a woman approached me, a gray-haired woman, and said, "How are you Dr. Erickson? Do you remember me?"
And I said, "Your question implies I should. I really don't remember you."
She said, "I'm a grandmother now."
And I said, "There are grandmothers every day, there have been for a long time."
She laughed and said, "Oh I'll give you another clue. You wrote a paper about me."
And I said, "I've written a lot of papers and forgotten what I put in them."
And she said, "Oh I'll give you one more clue. John is still practicing internal medicine."
I said, "Hello Florence. I'm glad to see you again."
Now when I first went to Worcester State Hospital on the research service, I was the first psychiatrist on the research service. They were just building it up then, and I was very, very quite busy. And I learned that working in the general mental hospital staff was a resident in psychiatry, a beautiful young girl. Very brilliant, very good looking. But the entire staff was worried about her. Her residency was going to end at the end of June. And in January she had developed a very bad neurosis and she had sought help because she was having stomach problems, colitis, insomnia, was losing weight, she was afraid of everything, could only feel comfortable working on the ward with patients. And she worked from early in the morning till late at night. And she tried to talk to the various staff members and they didn't know what was wrong, didn't know what had caused it. But she knew she was awfully neurotic and fearful and worried and afraid and terrified. And the staff was very concerned about her. She had been a very brilliant, very Disc 1 i P:1gc 48
competent resident. Now she was breaking down into a basket case. Now I was too busy on the research service to do anything about it.
And one day she showed up at my office and said, "Dr. Erickson, I've attended some of your lectures on hypnosis and I've watched what you've done with hospital employees and with patients. I'd like to have you come to my apartment and put me in trance tonight. I have a problem. And when you arrive at my apartment tonight at seven o'clock don't be alarmed if I've forgotten that I invited you to come. Just come right in, no matter what I say to you."
And when I arrived at her apartment at seven that night she was awfully surprised, but courteously invited me in the apartment. And I sat down, began a social chatter about it being my first spring in New England. I didn't know anything about New England. I come from Wisconsin, Colorado and I'd seen the Atlantic Ocean for the first time. She gradually went into a hypnotic trance.
As soon as she was in a very deep trance she said, "Dr. Erickson, I had you come here to put me in a trance. I've got a problem I don't dare to face but I have to face it. I don't know what the problem is I want you to keep me in a trance, and send me in my bedroom, tell me to lie down on the bed and go to work on my problem. Return in one hour and ask me ifl'm through." So I obeyed her instructions picked up a book and read until eight o'clock. When I asked her if she was through she said, "Not yet. Give me at least another hour." I went back to my reading. At nine o'clock I went in and she said, "It's longer than I thought. Just wait and come in at ten o'clock." Came in at ten o'clock. She said, "I'm almost through it'll take me about another half-hour."
At the end of the half hour, at ten thirty, I went in. She sighed and said, "I'm all through. Now have me come out into the living room and tell me to have a total amnesia for everything, absolutely total amnesia, and awaken me gently. I'll be surprised to find you there, now I'll have a total amnesia, now don't worry about that. And before you leave, tell me it's all right to know just the answer." I took her out and sat her in the chair she had been in and started to proceed to awaken her by continuing chattering about spring in New England. She awakened, obviously bored by what I had to say about New England.
All of a sudden she happened to see the clock, the clock read 11 o'clock. She said, "Dr. Erickson, it's 11 o'clock, what are you doing in my apartment at this hour? Would you please leave!"
Disc 1
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I said, "Certainly." I opened the door and stepped out and I said, "It's all right to know just the answer."
And she blushed and said, "A thought came to me I'm not prepared to face. So will you leave, leave now! Hurry up! Get out!" So I got out. I didn't see her the rest of that month of June. Her residency ended June 30th. I didn't know where she went, I was too busy in the research service to find out.
July passed, August passed, and then in the last week of September she came rushing into my office and said, "Dr. Erickson, I've got something that I should tell you. And you don't know what it is. Now I have to go into detail. Last June- well, this morning I was lying in bed and working-- ee." She named a State Hospital that was about 40 miles away near Smith College. "And I'm on the psychiatric service and my husband, John, is on the medical service, and today is my day off.
"Now I was lying in bed enjoying and thinking of what a fortunate girl I was. How I had met John and I had fallen in love with him, and John had fallen in love with me. And I was thinking of all our happiness since our marriage last July. And I was just reveling in happiness the way a bride can revel in knowing that she has married the right man. He loves her, she loves him, everything is wonderful and rosy. All since I remember inviting you to my apartment last June. And I didn't remember when you showed up. I had invited you. I was just surprised. I tried to be polite. You started talking about spring in New England. I went into trance. I told you I had a problem I couldn't face. I told you to send me into my bedroom, come back in an hour's time. And that you were to tell me when I went into my bedroom, 'Lie down on the bed,' and to work on my problem. I told to you to come back in an hour's time. You did, but I wasn't through. Came back at 9 o'clock I wasn't through. At ten o'clock I wasn't through. And at ten thirty I was through. And when I laid down on the bed to work on my problem a great long manuscript unrolled with a line down the middle. On one side were the pros and the other side were the cons. It concerned John.
"You see I come from a very wealthy, very snobbish family. And everythingwas easy for me at school. I always got A's in college and medical school. I didn't have to work hard. My family was wealthy, I had all these benefits of wealth and social position. I travelled abroad, had been to New York for concerts, symphonies, theater. And then last December, at a party I met John. John was a young physician interested in internal medicine. I liked him as soon as I met him. And he returned the liking. I soon found out that John came from a very poor home on the other side of the tracks. And his parents were uneducated. John had to work his way through high school. He wasn't brilliant; he got B's and C's. He was ambitious. He worked his way through college. And worked his way through medical school. He was interested, very greatly interested, Disc 1 Page _:;o
in internal medicine. And I knew that I was much brighter than John and I came from a wealthy, snobbish family. I'd been trained to be a snob in my childhood. And John was oflesser intelligence. And not-had no advantages, just those of poverty. And he was a dedicated internist. And I was interested in psychiatry. I liked him a lot. But my snobbish rearing made me realize that a snob could not marry a poorer man, especially a man who is inferior intellectually. And so I developed a neurosis. I forgot all about John. All I knew was I was worried, full of fear, uncertainty. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I lost weight, I had colitis, and I was almost a basket case. And the night you came to my apartment, you put me in a trance, I saw that long manuscript unroll. On one side were the pros, the other side were the cons-the pros and cons for marrying John. I started reading all the pros and all the cons: a long, slow, hard job. And thinking through the pros and cons, it took a long time. Then I began casting out the cons that were compensated by the pros. And it was a long hard job.
"And finally, it came to ten o'clock. I hadn't left. I had all the cons canceled out; the pros had canceled them. I still had a long list of pros I had not read yet, so I set the time from ten o'clock to ten thirty reading the pros. And then I knew, despite our different backgrounds, John and I could get married. And I told you to give me a total amnesia for everything and when you left that it was all right to know the answer. When you started to leave you stopped and said, 'It's all right to know just the answer.' A thought came to my mind, now I can marry John and I wasn't prepared for that. I think I was rude to you and I told you to leave. And this morning, reveling in my happiness in bed all that memory came back to me suddenly. I dressed quickly, didn't stop for breakfast, drove as fast as I could here, Northampton. And now you know what my neurosis was, and how you served to do therapy on me."
Yes, I did therapy on her. And it lasted, now she was a grandmother and still happily married. And John was still in internal medicine, and she was still in psychiatry. I had done therapy without knowing I was doing therapy. I didn't know what the problem was. All I knew was that she was a neurotic girl and she asked me to put her in a trance.
So you could do therapy without knowing a thing about a patient. And you could do therapy without the patient knowing you're doing therapy. They can have an amnesia for the therapy. And at the right time there can be a recollection of everything important.
Student: What was that last sentence?
Milton Erickson: At the right time there can be a recollection of everything that's important. And I have several cases like that that I've treated, I didn't write out or Disc 11 P;1gc 51
publish.
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STORY9 Telling the Truth: The Girl with the Big Fat Fanny Milton Erickson: Now here's a teaser I did in therapy by actually being offensive to the patient.
I first went to Michigan and saw one of the hospital employees-a girl who was pretty from the knees down and pretty from the waist up. And she had the biggest fanny I had ever seen on any girl. It was enormous. I saw her walking down the hospital corridor and she passed someone and made a vicious swing of her fanny to knock that person down. Now I knew she hated her great big fanny. And that interested me that a girl hated herself and I kept my eye on her. It didn't take long to find out she was a medical technician. And from my office I could see her on her days off standing at the gates of the grounds greeting mothers who had small children with them. And I could see the girl asking questions and the mother nod her head. And the girl would give the child a stick of gum or a toy or a piece of candy. And asked the mother another question and the mother would nod her head. And I'd see the girl take charge of the small child while the mother came to the hospital to visit with a sick relative. And also the girl would sometimes collect as many as thirty little kids to look after and she always did it on her day off through all the good weather-spring, summer, and autumn. That was her day off, babysitting a lot of strange kids, little kids.
And after about a year she developed hiccups night and day. And the visiting staff had 169 men from Detroit. They all examined her. I was on staff too. And everybody agreed that there was nothing wrong with her physically. And everybody recommended psychiatric consultation. And the girl flatly refused. 'Cause she knew who the psychiatrist was who was called in, and she didn't like the idea of having me interview her. So she held on to the hiccupping night and day for another three weeks.
And her boss at the medical laboratory got disgusted, went to see her, and said, "Now look here, Miss, you're getting free hospital care. I'm keeping your job open for you, and even though you're sick abed, you're getting paid regularly. Your sickness isn't causing you any trouble and all the staff recommend a psychiatric consultation. You're refusing. I've come here to give you an ultimatum. Either you accept the psychiatric consultation, or the staff will call a private ambulance and get yourself admitted to a private hospital. You pay the ambulance. You pay the private hospital. You lose your job. And you lose your pay." And the girl agreed to see me and have a psychiatric consultation. Her boss notified me at two o'clock in the afternoon. I went over to see her. Disc 1 P:tgc _:; 1
I walked into her room, closed the door behind me, held my hand up this way. And said, "Now keep silent! Don't say a word until I have finished speaking. You won't understand what I'm going to say to you. Now listen carefully and I want to make it very plain. You've got the biggest, fattest behind I've ever seen on a girl. And also you have never read the Song of Solomon in your Bible."
Milton En.ckson: Song of Solomon. Apparently you haven't either.
Student: I have!
Mzlton Erickson: You have?
Student: Yeah.
Milton En.ckson: The girl looked at me very puzzled. And I said, "Just because you have a great big fat derriere you think no man will be interested in you. If you had read the Song of Solomon, you'd know, a certain kind of man would be very interested in you. You think that great big fanny of yours is a handicap and it isn't. Again, if you'd read the Song of Solomon you would know that any man who would want to be the father of many children and look at your great big fat fanny and he would see a lovely cradle for children. So there's a Bible in your nightstand beside your bed. After I leave you read the Song of Solomon and see if that isn't the way a man who wants children will see your big fat fanny as a cradle for children. Now don't get over your hiccups now. Wait until ten thirty or eleven o'clock tonight and then everybody can think it was a spontaneous cure, that I had nothing to do with it." She quit her hiccupping sometime after ten thirty that night.
A few months later she waited until my secretary went to lunch. She came in the office and showed me her engagement ring and said, "I thought you should be the first to see it." Sometime later she waited until my secretary had gone to lunch and she brought in her fiance to meet me. And then we started talking socially. And during the course of conversation I found out his occupation, I think it was insurance. He owned a piece of land near Detroit. And he and the girl were drawing up the plans for the house that was to be built on that land. It had five bedrooms and a big nursery. He wanted children and he knew a cradle for children when he saw one.
Student: What about the hiccups?
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Milton Erickson: The hiccups? They disappeared.
Student: Why did she have them in the first place?
Milton Erickson: She hated herself; she had to express it in someway. And her hiccups drew attention to her, kindly and favorable. And she would lie in bed all covered up so people could sympathize with her, look at her kindly, and try to treat her for hiccups, and never look at her fanny.
The very crudity of my approach-she had a great big fanny. And she was afraid she would never get married. She was thinking that because she hadn't read the Song of Solomon in the Bible. Well that kind of a statement, it compels attention. And I've spoken the bare truth very crudely. I didn't hem or haul around it. And I gave her a new interpretation to place upon her body. And girls with piano legs where their ankles are bigger than their knees should be. And they have two tree trunks for legs. What man is going to marry them? A man who likes a good foundation for a family. He wants children.
And one such nurse who was-who was the age of thirty, came on the ward to make rounds, she was the nurse in charge. She was sitting down behind her desk. The desk was in a peculiar corner-wise position. She sits behind it and let the nurse second-incharge make rounds with me. Now the nurse in charge should do that. Her position, her task-her deploying the second-in-charge to make rounds with me- I knew there was something wrong, it didn't take long to find out why her desk was in that peculiar position. A year later she came in telling me about her piano legs. And so I explained what piano legs really meant, the kind of men that would appreciate piano legs, and she left the hospital.
A dental intern across the hospital corridor came rushing into my office and said, "Who's that nurse who just left your office?"
I said, "She's a hospital employee."
"What's her name?"
I said, "I don't talk about people's names."
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He said, "I want to meet that nurse. I want her name."
I said, "I'm not a marriage broker. And you are a dental intern, but you have worked here long enough to know most of the employees of this hospital live in West Dearborn or East Dearborn or even in Detroit. And the bus service that brings them to work every morning, takes them home at night. There's a bus stop just across Michigan Avenue."
He rushed to the window and saw the nurse waiting. It was wintertime so he grabbed his coat, overcoat, and rushed to the bus stand.
And the following New Year's Day they held an Open House. Mrs. Erickson and I were the only- well I was the only doctor invited.
And she took me aside to a side room and said, "It's hard to believe that when my husband proposed to me he said I had the foundation for a good, large family." And Marie had five children within six years. They both wanted children.
Now if I had been polite and tried to teach Marie that piano legs aren't unlovely-! just told her the kind of a man that would admire piano legs.
You see, in therapy your patients should have an appreciation that you are not afraid to tell the truth. They are afraid of the truth and they try to beat around the bush. You can tell a homely girl she's homely. And she looks in the mirror she knows she is. Don't try to tell her she's plain looking, if she's homely tell her so. And don't let her tell you that she's a trifle overweight when she's a hundred pounds overweight.
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STORY10 Be Direct: "Now Let's Be Honest, You CAN Control That Spasticity" Milton Erickson: And I told you about the girl who has a spastic left arm, spastic left leg. And her hand kept waving all over and her leg kept going.
She came in to see me and she said, "I didn't come because of the spasticity of my arm and leg, I can't control it. She demonstrated the fact. She said, "I'm a trifle overweight. I want some help in that regard."
And I said, "Anne-" That's my favorite name for patients.
Student: What?
Student: His favorite name for patients is Anne.
Mzlton Erickson: "You need therapy." And I started out on a completely honest basis. "You've got your spasticity on your left side, you tell me it's from a smallpox inoculation when you were seven-years old. Now, that's a reasonable explanation. And I do know it can be localized encephalitis that can cause that type of pa-spasticity. You also told me you couldn't control. That you wanted to see me because you were a trifle overweight Now let's be honest, you CAN control that spasticity. Just put your left hand under that great big fat fanny of yours and sit on it and control the spasticity. And cross your big fat right thigh over your left thigh and that will control the spasticity there. And then we can take up the fact that you are not a trifle overweight; you're a great deal overweight."
Now that discourteous, impolite way told the patient I wasn't afraid of her condition. I wasn't going to pussyfoot around. I deal directly. You have to have the kind of personality that allows you to be direct. Some people have to pussyfoot they don't know how to attack directly.
She slimmed down after three meetings. And I made her take all the blame for her being overweight. Disc 1 i .P:1zc 57
I said, "You're the only one that stuffs food in your mouth. Nobody else does that. YOU do-stuffs food in your mouth. Nobody else does that."
Many years later she was working for Board of Officers in a laboratory in Chicago. She worked with brain-damaged children, deaf children, blind children, and taught them how to take care of themselves. It was her field. She was an excellent therapist for blind and deaf and brain-damaged, retarded. And she knew I was lecturing in Chicago. And so she called me at my hotel and asked me if she could take me out to dinner. And I agreed.
She picked me up at the hotel and said, "I'm taking you to a restaurant. I know it's good. I'm doing an experiment with you. We're going to walk in that restaurant. Nobody knows me, nobody knows you at that restaurant. And we'll see what happens." I wanted to know what she was up to. And a waiter rushed over, helped me off with my overcoat. He noticed my limp. He didn't notice hers. She too had a limp, but it was less than mine. Her experiment was that she had sufficient control of her limp. The waiter would notice mine but not hers.
Student: That was the experiment.
Mzlton Erickson: That she was very proud of, having controlled her limp that well. And it was a good test too.
Student: Did you say patients ARE afraid of the truth?
Milton Erickson: Aren't they? Why would a big zeppelin woman come in and say, "I'm a trifle overweight." And a man with a potbelly and he hasn't seen his feet for years, say he's a trifle overweight. And why does a patient who goes on three months long binges, drunk for three months or six months at a time say, "I've got a slight alcohol problem?"
Because they're afraid to face the truth.
Student: Did you ever work with her on the spasticity or just on the weight?
Milton Erickson: Just on the weight. I taught her she could control it. And thereafter, she Disc 1 i P:w:e .)8
controlled it. And that taught her she didn't always have to wave her arm around in all directions. And of course, the spastic can control it.
They can use artificial means of control. By doing that they gradually learn a muscle pattern over the years and it reduces the amount of spasticity.
And people are prone to cut down the seriousness of their problem and balloon out their troubles caused by a little neurosis. And you differentiate between the troubles they encounter and the actual neurosis.
Student: They tend to diminish what?
Student: They tend to diminish what?
Milton Erickson: Their actual problem.
Student: The actual problems then balloon out.
Milton Erickson: The trouble that occasions them.
Student: Balloon out the trouble that occasions them?
Milton Erickson: No, that the neurosis causes.
Student: Balloon out the trouble that neurosis causes.
Disc 1 i P:tgc _::;9
IN THE ROOM WITH
MILTON H. ERICKSON, M.D.
Disc 2 October 3rd, 1979
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STORY1 "Just a Superstition": Dallas Long Milton Erickson: I told him in a trance state to feel all his muscles. Just get acquainted with his body. And so you tell him his toes, his feet, his ankles, his knees, his calf, his leg muscles, his back muscles, belly muscles, arm muscles and so on.
The second time when I saw him I said, "Dallas, after a year's coaching you've reached the catapult of 58 feet. I'm going to tell you something, and listen to me. Dallas, no matter how intelligent you are, you really don't know the difference between 58 feet and 58 feet and one-sixteenth of an inch." He agreed. I said, "You don't know the difference between 58 feet and 58 feet and one-eighth of an inch." And I kept on increasing until, "You don't know the difference between 58 feet and 59 feet." And Dallas agreed. And I said, "Now you've been thinking all this time that you can put only 58 feet. Now you know you can put 58 feet and one-sixteenth, one-eighth, one-quarter, one-half, three-quarters, 59 feet."
And Dallas said, "That's right."
Two weeks later he set a National High School record. And I just freed him from that 58-foot uh, superstition. And that summer he came and said, "I'm on the American Olympic Team for shot put. What should I do?"
I said, "Dallas, I know you can win the gold medal. I know you can win the silver medal -and the shot put in the Olympics is just a superstition. And Dallas you're only an 18year-old kid. If you win the gold medal you'll be competing against yourself forevermore. Now it's all right if you let Parry and O'Brien take gold and silver medals. And you can bring home the bronze medal. That'll be just a goal to work for." And Dallas brought home the bronze medal. Parry and O'Brien did bring home the gold and silver medals.
And at the Olympics in Mexico City Dallas came in and said, "What shall I do in Mexico City?"
I said, "Dallas, for years and years the shot put for the Olympics, the winning shot put, has been under 62 feet. That's just a superstition. I know it can be 62 feet and oneDisc 2 i Patte 62
sixteenth of an inch. I know it can be under 63 feet and it'll be all right if you bring home the gold medal." He brought home the gold medal.
And when the Olympics were held in Tokyo Dallas came in and said, "What shall I do this time?"
I said, "Dallas, you already have the gold medal. It will be no trouble at all for you to bring home a second gold medal. And Olympic champions don't last long and you can be a three-times winner. You'll bring home the gold medal from Tokyo." So he did.
And then he told me he was going into college and that he was eligible for two more meets in the shot put-two official intercollegiate meets. He said, "What shall I do?"
I said, "Dallas, as you proved, to go under 62 feet or less has been a superstition for years and years. Now I don't know if that 63 feet is the limit or 70 feet is the limit. Now why don't you put a shot somewhere in between?" He came home with 65 feet and six inches. The next official meeting he was allowed to attend he asked what to do and I said, "Dallas, you showed them that 65 feet and six inches can be easily reached. Now this time see just how far you CAN put it." And Dallas put it 68 feet and ten inches.
And exceptionally advanced marksmanship in the rifle team in the Army which I had coached for the International Shoot and they had beaten Russia for the first time. I was talking with the coach at AM- Texas A&M and the captain of the rifle team told the coach at T-at Texas A&M how I coached Dallas Long. And the coach said, "So that's the way Dallas Long established the all-time record."
Well I'm coaching Randy Matson. I explained to Randy that the limit is not 68 feet and ten inches. It might even be 68 feet and 11 inches. Randy listened and said, "I think Erickson had a good way of coaching Dallas Long. Now I'm going to see how far I can put it." And he put it 70 feet. Now the record is up to, I think, 70 feet and six inches.
So many people say, "I can't, I can't." You break it down. And they have to admit that they couldn't measure one-sixteenth of an inch. And when you double that they still can't measure it.
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STORY2 Handle Your Body and Forget the Last Shot: Olympic Rifle Team Milton En.ckson: I trained the rifle team. The coach told me to use hypnosis. I fired a rifle twice in my childhood. That's all I knew about rifles. And the rifle team knew all about rifles. I didn't have to bother to teach them how to handle a rifle. They knew how. I didn't know that they didn't know how to handle their bodies.
So I used hypnosis to teach them how to have their feet rest-the soles of their feet rest comfortably on the ground. They have their ankles come together just exactly right. Their calves and their legs feel fine, their knees feel fine, the hips feel fine, upper part of the body fine, left hand over the stock feel fine. The stock rests against the elbowagainst the shoulder, feeling just right pressure. And lean your head against the stock. It feels so nice on your cheek. And feel the trigger with your trigger finger very, very gently. And it's something you like. And then you look at the hull's eye and at the right moment you squeeze the trigger. And one other thing I had to teach them.
And after they pull the trigger the first time you see-in the rifle marksmanship contest you shoot 40 rounds and you fire 40 pin bullets in succession at the target. Now you make a hull's eye the first time easily. When you have the second, you're not much worried about the second. You get up to 19, the question is, can you make it a 20th time? And 29, will you make it the 30th time? You make 35, will you get 36? The tension keeps mounting. You made it 39 times, will you make it the 40th time? The tension grows and grows. I taught them to forget they'd fired and to think each shot they fired was the first one. And they had to be told, "You've shot 40 times!"
I won golf tournaments that way by teaching the golfer to think he's still on the first hole. He had to be told, he's now on the 18th and he's won. I've trained a lot of athOlympic athletes. I've got a lot of Olympic gold medals-only they're in the care of others.
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STORY3 "I'll Go in Swimming Tomorrow": Max and Wanda Milton Erickson: You all know a few who stick their big toe into the swimming pool. It may take them half an hour to get immersed all the way. I'll tell you the story of Max
and Wanda.
The first time at Worcester State Hospital staff, Max-I met Max and Wanda, a young couple, and junior psychiatrist. They were very much in love and they were really friendly. They invited me to go for a swim in Lake Quinsigamond, which adjoins the hospital farm. I accepted the invitation. I got my bath-bathing suit, my bathrobe, and joined them in their car. And to my surprise, Wanda, who was so sulky all the way to the lake, had nothing to say. And Wanda was a very sociable girl and Max was his own cheerful self. When we reached the beach Wanda leapt out of the car, took off her bathrobe, threw it in the backseat, and strolled down to the lake, and plunged into the water. Not a word to the two of us. Very bad manners.
Max and I walked down to the beach chatting, and when Max's big toe touched the wet sand he said, "I think I'll go in swimming tomorrow." Then I understood Wanda's behavior. He drew his big toe off the wet sand, sat down on the dry sand, while I plunged into the waves and Wanda and I had a good swim.
Shortly, on the way back to the hospital, I asked Wanda, "How much water does Max put into the bathtub?"
And she said, "One lousy inch."
In a short time, just less than a week later, the superintendent offered Max a promotion to Senior Psychiatrist. And Max said that he didn't think he was ready yet. The superintendent said, "If you weren't ready for it I wouldn't have offered it to you. You're going to take the promotion or you're out of a job." Max resigned. Went elsewhere. I lost all track of them.
And some 25 years later, I lectured at the Pennsylvania Academy of General Practice. At the end of my lecture, an old, gray-haired man and an old, gray-haired haggardDisc 2!
65
looking woman approached me and said, "Do you know us?"
I said, "Your question implies I should, but I really don't."
And he said, "I'm Max."
She said, "I'm Wanda."
I turned to Max and said, "I remember the two of you now. When are you going swimming, Max?"
He blushed and said, "Tomorrow."
Then I turned to Wanda and said, "How much water does Max put in the bathtub?"
She said, "The same lousy, stinking one inch."
And Wanda had been in love with her husband. She wanted children. And she wanted Max. And she waited, and waited, and waited until he was ready. She should have known by his one inch of water in the bathtub, he'd never be ready. She should have known by the fact that, "I'm going swimming tomorrow."
And I asked Max, "What are you doing now?"
He said, "I'm retired."
I said, "What rank?"
He said, "Junior Psychiatrist."
I actually asked those questions to indicate I knew back in 1930 what the answer would be in 25-years' time. Either you go in swimming, or you don't. Either you accept a promotion, or you don't. Either you become a father, or you don't. And there was poor Disc 2 i Page 66
Wanda, living in hope until hope became impossible. Where else could she go? I've seen that sort of thing happen over and over again.
A bright young high school graduate, full of promise, had taken a job and going to college next year. They're going to college next year. Going to college next year. And 25, 30 years later, they're still working in the barbershop.
And in all the years I've been in medicine, the only people I've seen who've starved to death had a money belt with a hundred thousand dollars in cash around their abdomens.
1Vlilton Er£ckson: You read those stories all the time in the newspapers, the Collyer brothers of New York.
Student: Do you think you could have helped Max way back then?
1Vlilton Erickson: Hmh?
Student: Do you think you could have helped Max 25 years before?
1Vlilton Erickson: I didn't have the right to pick him up and throw him in the water.
Student: Because he didn't ask for your help.
lvlilton Erickson: And I didn't have the right.
Student: That's-that's why you didn't have the right.
lvlilton Erickson: That's right.
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In grade school, Jimmy, every summer, sat on the riverbank and said, "As sure as God made little green apples, I am going swimming tonight." I went through grade school, high school, and Jimmy every summer, sat on the riverbank. "As sure as God made little green apples, I am going swimming tonight." He had to wade out about 20 feet before the water got higher than this. Jimmy fought through World War I, came back, "Sure as God made little green apples, I'm going swimming tonight." Jimmy is dead. Of old age. He's going swimming tomorrow night. He never did go. He wasted all that time.
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