In the Presence of Divine - Vol 2 - Chapter 1 - Sri Thiagu Thatha

In the Presence of the Divine Narratives of Experiences with Maha Periyava Volume Two

Interviewed and compiled by G.Sivaraman

Translated by Sujatha Vijayaraghavan (with notes) Maha Periyava Jayanti 2015

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In the Presence of the Divine Volume II TRANSLATOR’S NOTE Some of you may have read In the Presence of the Divine, volume I, which was published in 2011. This book was my translation into English, of the first three volumes of the Tamil series, Darisana Anupavankal, so that those who could not read Tamil and those that had not seen Maha Periyava, could experience a little of the infinite saga of the play of His grace through these narratives. Many readers and devotees both in India and abroad express their gladness and send me emails asking me when the second volume would be published. Sri Mettur Swami, told me a few days before his passing to translate the narratives documented by G.Sivaraman into English, just as I had done the first volume of narratives from print. It is proposed that by Maha Periyava’s grace, translations of these narratives will be serialized in this web page, releasing one every Anusham (for 2015 on June 2, June29, July 27, August 23, September 19, October 17, November 13, and December 10, respectively), making it available to all devotees and readers across the globe. In lieu of the End Notes of Volume I, here I have added footnotes to facilitate the full import of the context, keeping in mind non-Tamil and non-Indian readers inside and outside the country. I have often relied upon Sri Periyava’s own explanations of concepts in his characteristically simple style (Deivattin Kural,7 volumes) for my understanding. Other sources that have helped me are cited in the footnote. Since I have retained the methodology I used in the first volume, to explain it, I quote a part of my Preface to it: 

Both culture-specific terms as well as quotations and significant events are footnoted and/or glossed in the main text, when they appear for the first time.

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Since diacritical marks will be used in the quotations, I have given below the pronunciation chart as in Volume One; these are not used for well-known terms.

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English words used by Maha Periyava, will always be in bold font, in the course of the narrative.

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The narratives are reproduced as they were spoken retaining their spontaneity, naturalness and fluctuating sequences of recollection, without reorganizing it in a logical, linear manner.

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Sanskrit and Tamil verses referred to, unless quoted in full in the course of the text, are given in the footnote. In certain cases, notes are given where reference to its substance is made in the text.

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Usages that are popular are given as they are in lieu of other options, such as ‘Pillayār’ for Gaṇeśa, because in the overall exercise, the intent is also to retain the culture and regionspecific details, though of course the spoken dialect turns a casualty in English translation.

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Sanskrit words are at times pluralised for convenience, as for example, ‘Śāstras’.

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Diacritical marks clarify pronunciation in the case of quotations, references and culturespecific items, and have been avoided in the case of names of narrators, places and other commonly known terms in popular usage, to prevent the reading becoming cumbersome.

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Devotees have referred to Periyava in many different ways, as Periyavā, Mahā Periyavā, MahāSvāmi, Śrī Mahā Svāmi, Śrī Periyavāḷ, Śrī Charaṇāḷ, Paramācāryāḷ and Śrī Paramācārya Svāmi. These are given as they are without attempting to substitute them with any one specific term.

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In lieu of the Bibliography at the end of the book in the print version, here further reading and books referred to, are suggested in the footnote itself.

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Item in footnotes will appear once and will not be repeated in subsequent narratives.

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In the footnotes, the abbreviations HD, GT and SL are used respectively for The Hindu Dharma, The Guru Tradition, Saundaryalahiri (all English translations) frequently cited for Śri Periyavāḷ’s explanations. The source texts for these three translations is Deivattin Kural (DK) in Tamil, comprising the talks given by Śri Periyavā from 1907 to 1994, on innumerable topics relating to the Veda and Hindu dharma. As I said of the first volume, the aim is to take its reader as close as possible to the magnificently kaleidoscopic expression of Divinity incarnate, as seen spontaneously with the human eye of love.

Pondicherry Maha Periyava Jayanti, 2.6. 2015

Sujatha Vijayaraghavan

In the Presence of the Divine/Vol II/ Key to Pronounciation/Page 1 of 2 KEY TO PRONUNCIATION – I SANSKRIT

VOWELS rural

-a

fār

-ā

bill

-i

polīce - ī

bull

-u

rūde

-ū

meṛry - ṛ

maṛīne - ṛī

grey

-e

gait

- ai

show

-o

frau

- au (German)

CONSONANTS beak-k

inkhorn- kh

guts–g

loghut-gh

king-ṅ

pet-p

uphill-ph

cub-b

abhor-h

mat–m

dulce-c

church-ch

jet-j

hedgehog–jh

singe-ñ

true-ṭ

anthill-ṭh

drum-ḍ

stronger d - ḍh (no eg.) ṇ- no example

petit - t (Fr.)

stronger t - th

this - d

adhere – dh

fun – n

loyal-y

red-heart - r

love-love

stronger l - ḷ (eg., ply)

van - v

sure – ś

shelf - ṣ

sun – s

hum – h

* These are approximate examples. *********************************************************************************

In the Presence of the Divine/Vol II/ Key to Pronounciation/Page 2 of 2 KEY TO PRONUNCIATION – II TAMIL VOWELS rural- a

fār- ā

bill- i

polīce- ī

bull- u

rūde- ū

grey- e

ē –elongated

aisle- ai goat - o

ō - goose

frau - au (Ger) CONSONANTS beak

-k

king

-ṅ

chat

- c (lightly c)

singe - ñ true

-ṭ

ṇ - no example petit

- t (Fr.)

night - n (higher case); as lower case, used in word-endings pet

-p

mat

-m

loyal - y red

- r (lower case)

ḻ - unique to Tamil - no eg; indicated at times in print as ‘zh’; ( eg. je suis - Fr. – approximation only) ḷ - stronger l ( eg. bottle, approx.) ṟ - meṟry (higher case) * These are approximate examples. *********************************************************************************

1. Ugrāṇam1 Thiagu Thatha I first came to Periyava in 1939. I was born in 1924-25. Periyava was camping in Mudikondan after he returned from Rameswaram following his pilgrimage to Kasi. He shifted camp in and around Nannilam. He was going to Thirukannapuram through our village. My native village is Thenkarai, one kilometer cast of Panangudi. Our village had fifteen or sixteen houses, a small agraharam. 2 Two or three years had passed since my father’s death. I had completed High school. We were a group of boys playing playing ‘tag the thief’ on the river bank at about five thirty in the evening, almost dusk, when Periyava’s mēna3 came along the river. The procession stopped for a few minutes to light the fire wood torches for the way. Periyava was visiting Thirukannapuram and returning that evening. The mēna was turned at an angle, away from our direction. As a young lad I wore my hair in a massive knot and I heard Periyava say “Call that boy with a turban on his head!” Periyava put out his covered head, and called out to me in Telugu, looking at me specifically, “Hey, you . . . what’s your name? Is it Raju?” I too replied inTelugu “Avva, nuvvu cheppedi serigga vundi” (Grandma, what you say is right!). I thought it was an old lady talking to me. In those days, widowed girl-children - who had been married and widowed before puberty- lived at Pāḷāyi Chattram in Tiruvarur. They would give us snacks like seedai and murrukku to eat. They used to wear rust coloured sarees and cover their shaven heads with it. Only Periyava’s head was stuck out of the mena – it was a big one - and we were not face to face with each other. I thought it was one of them. Nothing much could be seen except the covered head in the growing darkness. Periyava laughed and dipping his hand into a small silver pot - three such pots would always be placed in the mēna - gave me some sugar candy. “Nuvvu ikkada vundavoddu.Nee amma daggara ceppisi repu tellavariki vochee . . . no tho vundavalasindi . . .” (You need not stay here. Tell your mother and came over tomorrow. You are to stay with me). He added, “Tomorrow there is bhikṣa4 at Nannilam Parameswaraiyer’s house - he was your father’s friend - and pūja at Perumakudi. Be there!” I thought, ‘Here is a generous old lady and she is going to give me lots of good things to eat!” In a minute or so the gowrikalai5 was blown and the mēna moved away. I did not know till my mother told me, that it was Periyava.

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kitchen and household store literally the first (agra) garland (hāram);the roads/section of a town or village where Brahmins lived, surrounding the temple precincts; town planning in the ancient towns of India pivoted around the temple with the roads running in quadrilateral lines, so as to form a meaningful, esoteric design, leading finally into the sanctum sanctorum where the deity formed the nucleus of the spiritual geography; in later times the term simply came to mean the main street in the village running generally between the temples, often of Śiva and Visṇu. 3 closed palanquin with side doors used for Periyavāḷ’s ceremonial entry into towns and villages in early years and inside which he sat in retreat for hours or days in the later years. 4 lit. alms, the food eaten by Śri Periyavāḷ is always referred to as bhiksā; bhiksāvandana: or salutations through the offering of alms to the Master or generally ascetics; annabhiksa: cooked rice or generally cooked items of food; bhiksācārya: student-celibate period when food is received in alms 5 very long trumpet-like instrument, used in Śiva temples announcing the arrival of the deity. 2

2 In the Presence of the Divine The village meanwhile had flocked on the river bank and gathered around me demanding to know what had happened. “What did Periyava say?” everyone asked me in one voice. “Ayina Avva Kaadura . . . ayina Peddayina . . . ” (That is not an old lady, my boy. . . .That is Periyava).” I repeated the conversation to my mother. “Father’s friend Parameswaraiyer’s family is offering bhikṣa. Will he go to their house for bhikṣa?” “No “she said and explained that one offered bhiksāvandana at the Matha. How did Periyava know that Telugu was my mother tongue and that Parameswaraiyer – he used to visit my father now and then - was my father’s friend? One look at you and he knew what language you spoke, everything about you. My grandfather of the fourth generation preceding mine, had put aside three mā6 of land exclusively for Periyava. Rice from that piece of land was handed over to the Matha. Our family owned about forty villages. Then the property was partitioned between two groups of Vāthimār7, ours and those of Vātkudi. There was infighting and that put an end to everything. By 1941-42, we left everything behind and came away. The next morning a cart drawn by a single ox was readied and I was sent to Nannilam which was six miles away- our Supervisor accompanying me. We were there by ten in the morning. By about half past twelve the pūja was over. Periyava began to give tīrtha prasāda 8. “Where is that boy? See if he is here!” I went forward and Periyava told me offer my prostrations. I saw quite clearly now that Periyava was not an old lady. I received the prasāda. I said, “I left my place this morning and came here. This is such a huge sansthāna9. . . elephant, camel and all . . . but not one man has thought of asking me if I have had my meal!” Periyava laughed and sent for Pāṭasāla10 Venkataramaiyer who cooked the chinna samayal11for Periyava. . . . He was also known as Krishnapuram Venkataraman . . . Yes, Pazhakadai Venkataramaiyer also– he later ran a fruit shop. The gentleman came. Periyava said, “Give this boy the sēṣam12!” Since I did not know any Sanskirt then, I did not know what it meant. I simply assumed that I would be treated to a sumptuous feast. I was taken in and a big leaf was spread out in front of me and the left-over of Periyava’s meal was served on the banana leaf. I began eagerly. There was neither salt nor spice in any dish.

6

Ancient land measurement unit in Tamil regions; One mā is equal to 14,400 sq.feet of land A sub-sect of Smārtha brahmins 8 consecrated abhisekā water distributed after worship; prasāda: consecrated offerings distributed at the end of worship or benedictory gifts such fruit or flower received from saints. 9 Court of royalty; Śri Kāñci Kāmakotī Śankarācārya Matha is traditionally referred to as Śri Matham Sansthānam 10 Lit. learning place, refers to the school where the Veda is taught 11 Lit. small meal; refers to the bhiksā prepared for Periyava 12 Lit. residue, what is left over of another thing; refers to leftovers of food items prepared for Periyava; when directly taken from the Master’s leaf after his meal it is called ucchiṣṭa prasāda and is considered most rare of all gifts from one’s Master 7

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“Is this how Periyava eats without salt or spice? It’s so awfully bland! I would much rather eat my meal with kuzhambu and rasam. Give me some sāmbār13 if there is” I said. Then I was served all that I asked for and I ate to my heart’s content. Periyava’s bhiksā never included salt, tamarind and chilli right from the beginning. But earlier when he was camping in Madanapalli, near Kadiri, on his way to Kasi, his intestine descended because of the rigorous prāṇāyama 14 that he practiced. It was shifted back to its position by a doctor whose name I do not now remember. That doctor advised Periyava to eat at least two small, steamed idlis at night for the next six or seven years. “You must not fast at night,” he said. “and you must not fast all day long as you do!’ “If it does not interfere with my spiritual regimen, then alone will I eat something!” So Periyava ate two very small idlis at night but gave that up too, after Pudu Periyava was inducted in the Matha. “Powdered grain and pulse will do, won’t it” he argued, and began to take some of it. Then he eschewed that also and took a little puffed rice grain. Venkataramaiyer served me sweet milk pāyasam and other items. As he did so, he said “Eat well, my boy, till you absorb the lead coated inside the cooking vessels into your body! Only then can you serve the Matha well!” I understood nothing then. I returned to Periyava, who was still giving tīrtha. He always spoke to me in Telugu. “What! Have you eaten?” “Yes…” “Was it is a good fare?” “Yes…” “Did you ask for sāmbār?” “Yes . . . ” Periyava turned and said generally to those near him, “He is Telugu you know and so he can’t eat without lentils!” All this went on even as he continued to distribute tīrtha prasāda. That evening Periyava called me and said “Go and get yourself a paper and pencil”. There was this gentleman called Raghavan who gave me these. Periyava gave me dictation of ten words in Tamil, ten in English, a few arithmetic sums - multiplication and substraction - and then a few in mental mathematics. After I completed the test, wondering why I was being tested, Periyava told the attendant nearly “Hand over this boy to the Manger!” I sent back the Supervisor from our place. My mother had given me an extra pair of a four cubit dhoti. She had understood the import of Periyava’s words the previous evening, I had not. I had a shirt, though we did not wear one those days. 13 14

Spiced sauces to go with rice, the last always cooked with lentils Regulated breathing and control of the movements of vital airs in the body

4 In the Presence of the Divine We went to Thanjavur from there, then to Tiruchi and so on and only nine months later, in November- December did I return home for my father’s annual ceremonies. We were camping at Bhikṣandarkovil during Deepavali for which I was given a pair of four cubit dhotis. I always wore only khaddar dhotis. I said, “I cannot accept these. I wear only khaddar!” So two four-cubit pieces were torn off from the khaddar piece kept aside for Periyava’s use. We always carried khaddar cloth which we dyed in ochre for him. “Can you spin?” asked Periyava. “Yes, I can . . .” Nowadays no one does the dyeing as we used to. The process was like this. A thick decoction would be made from jāphara seeds15 ground to a paste. A little sesame oil could be added to the decoction which would be a bright red. Then it would be mixed into tender coconut water and ochre soft-stone, which was used for coloring. The cloth would be dipped into this mixture and put out to dry, then again dipped for a second time and dried. The process would be repeated a third time and after that, the ochre dye in the cloth will not fade for a life-time. Today even the art of preparing kumkum16 is forgotten. Karur Krishnamurthi had a small cement tank built in his house exclusively to prepare the ochre dye for Periyava’s cloth. Periyava never used anything from the Matha, took nothing from the Matha for himself, not a piece of cloth, rice or grocery, not a single paisa. Let me tell you about an incident that took place about ten or twelve years after I came to the Matha. The camp was at a village called Ravagadagandi, near Ponneri. The camp was under a big mango tree and we were making do for Periyava’s bhikṣa with some milk and curd, storing our kitchen and other things on the pyol of a house near-by. I was concerned, for it was very hot summer and he had not had any fruit for ten or twelve days. Sethuraman of Madras came for darśan17 and was sent to Madras with instructions to return after some work was done. I wanted him to get a dozen of whichever was available, orange or musambi. “When will you come again?” “Tomorrow or the day after tomorrow . . . ” I gave him ten rupees. “Then get me some orange or musambi . . . ” Two days later he got a dozen each of both. After pūja, to add to the bhiksā, the one who prepared it, made some mosumbi juice and placed half a wooden tumbler of it near Periyava’s leaf. Periyava came and sitting down for bhiksā,

15

Bixa Orellana, a hedge plant with all its parts having medicinal properties, the seeds especially medicinal, contains natural colouring matter, bixin and fatty oil. 16 cured turmeric that is generally vermilion in color 17 Lit. view; seeing a saint or a deity with the consciousness of partaking divinity; visvarūpa darśan: darśan of a saint or a deity, as soon as the saint awakens in at dawn, or when the sanctum sanctorum is opened at dawn in the latter case

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asked him, “Where did the fruit come from? Who brought these fruits? I did not notice anyone offering these fruits during pūja!” In those days banana came from Kumbakonam. For offering during pūja, only banana of the poovan variety would be used. It would be stored in a box and taken out sparingly only for pūja. “Ugrāṇam Mama gave me the fruits.” “Call him!”Periyava had not touched anything laid out before him. “Raju!” Periyava asked,” Who brought these fruits?” I knew at once that I was trapped and it was not my best day after all. “What is it?” Periyava’s tone went up. I made a clean breast of the matter. “It’s more than ten days since Periyava had some fruit. The tender cocnut has so little water in it, it is not satisfying. So I asked Sethuraman to get me mosumbi or orange for ten rupees from Madras.” “This ten rupees . . . have you made a voucher for it?” The question was shot back when I had hardly finished speaking. “Yes and I took Sethuraman’s signature also!” “Do you not know that I take nothing from this Matha except vibhūti18? Did not Viswanathan19 tell you this? “Will you pay for this?” “Yes...” I replied. “Then how can I take this? This is Śiva’s property20, isn’t it?” I was stunned. I was worried not only about his rejecting the fruit-juice but also about the fate of the remaining four or five fruits. So I fell down in prostration in a flash, not directly to Periyava because he would not eat the meal if someone prostrated to him when he sat down to it, but I did so facing another direction.“Periyava must forgive me and accept it, because I did this unknowingly” I said.Had I said “I shall pay from my salary” the tumbler would have flown across the room, in response to my presumptuous reply. ‘Will you pay for this from your salary?” “Yes.” My salary was then thirteen rupees a month. We hardly got the salary, perhaps once or twice a year. I went to the office and got a bill prepared in my name. I brought back the bill, and showed it to Periyava who sat unmoving till then. Only then did he drink the juice. I narrated this incident to Sivan Saar21. He said “One must obey Periyava’s words to the letter. One must not move a hair’s breadth away from his instructions, or do anything in forgetfulness even. Ask him directly, no harm in that . . but do not move away from his instructions.” “Never buy anything for my bhikṣa “said Periyava. 18

powdered sacred ash Senior Manager 20 A popular proverb in Tamil ‘Śiva’s property is end of one’s clan’ illustrates this wide-spread conviction. 21 Periyava’s younger brother, Sadasiva Sastri, acknowledged by Periyava as an enlightened yogi of great spiritual stature, known thus to his close circle of friends 19

6 In the Presence of the Divine After this incident took place, I was very, very careful. I never bought anything for Periyava. A variety of rice-grain was called Kāsān came from Mudikondan. Periyava did not eat rice grain harvested from replanted sapling as it is usually cultivated. Grain had to be scattered on the ploughed field and the paddy that came up on its own was harvested and given for his use. This used to be done by Chinnaattu Vanchi of Mudikondan who had ear-marked a portion of their family’s cultivable fields for Periyava. It was de-husked by hand-pounding after harvest in this manner. The pestle has a lower portion made of stone and an upper portion made of wood. Once the grain dried, it had to be fed into the pestle in small portions and ground and the husk would come off. This was called Kāsān rice-grain. It makes excellent uppuma. One small measure of rice would last for at least three months for Periyava, because only a fistful of grain would be cooked every day. The rice would be of a very fine quality, small and slender like cumin seed. When a fresh stock arrived we would make usili22 of the old stock and finish it off. It must not go waste. One donna23 or silver leaf-cup of this rice would be placed for offering during Candramoulīśvara pūja24 as havis25. The rest stayed back. In any case, all the items like curry, kootu, rasam, a savoury and payasam would be made, because bhiksā was being offered. Every dish was un-salted, un-spiced and so insipid. A dish would be kept nearby. He could not get up and wash his hand after the meal, because the danda26 would be there. If he held out his hand, we would drop a little Bengal gram flour, then a little clay and then rinsing his hands in water, he would get up. If we held out a plate of aromatic spices, he would take one and pop into his mouth. Then he would come out to give tīrtha prasāda. That was the procedure in those days. Periyava stayed for days on end, fasting. If we expressed anxiety, he always told us, “Feed many people plenty fully and if they all have eaten well, take it that I have eaten . . ..” one look at a dish and he would tell us if it was well-made or not. Our days were filled with an inexplicable joy. Even now, my mind is full of memories. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and look at the discourses of Periyava. All the old scenes and past years would run through my mind like a shadow. My son wonders what wakes me up in the middle of the night and asks me “What are you doing, reading at this time of the night?” Periyava would say, “Look, how I have eaten” and fill himself with a deep breath. A big belly would protrude in a moment. The next moment, he would suck in the stomach and it would disappear. We would serve the items on the day’s menu on the huge leaf and move away. The small quantity of rice kept on a leaf-cup would be split into two portions by a deft gesture. One portion 22

broken grain that is cooked and spiced generously leaf-cup, made of cured banana or teak or pipul leaves or from fresh leaves for use as containers in pūja 24 Śri Candramoulīśvara is the ātma-linga brought by Ādi Śankara from Lord Śiva. Ritualistic worship of it (with Śri Tripurasundari as the divine consort) as prescribed by the Śāstrās, is performed daily by the pontiff of the Śri Matha, thrice a day for the welfare of the world. 25 freshly cooked, plain unsalted white rice the steam of the essence of which as the steam emanating from it, is accepted by the deity 26 ascetic’s staff 23

7 Volume II- Article No 1/Ugranam Thiagu Thatha along with portions of all the side dishes would be sent to the Gomāta.27 There was no question of asking for a second helping of anything. The meal-time was the only occasion when Periyava had some leisure. He would eat, asking us a number of questions about this and that, and the meal would take at least half an hour, when the crowd was small. We would be a little further away by the side, conversing with him, but not looking in his direction. Now and then taking small portions of the honey, Periyava would take this meal, spending about fifteen minutes over it. A little honey would always be placed on Periyava’s leaf. He would touch it with the tip of his finger. If it was glutinous, it was mountain-honey and he would take it. Not otherwise. Periyava would sit for pūja by nine in the morning and it would be late afternoon by the time he got up. Pūja would go in till one or two or three in the afternoon, one could not say when it would be completed. It would be completed when Periyava was completely satisfied. He would then go for snāna. Hot water was always kept ready for his bath. Then he would come in for bhiksā. Periyava always came rushing in for bhikṣa because he would be eager to get back and start distributing tīrtha prasāda to the devotees who had come to the pūja. In those days devotees would wait even late in the afternoon for the pūja to be completed and the prasāda to be distributed. Periyava would be seated on this side of a double screen that hung between his wooden seat and the line of devotees. Periyava sat in such a way that one could not see him even if one bent one’s head and tried to catch a glimpse of him. A thick screen cloth ran left to right and over-lapping it another ran right to left, making a two-layer screen. The tīrtha prasāda was given with an uddriṇī. If Periyava dipped this very long handled bubble-spoon once into the tīrtha, he would serve three devotees. A vessel called tapana pātrā would be kept beneath so that no sacred water fell on the floor. Periyava knew who came for tīrtha and in what situation, though he was behind the double-screen. If there was something wrong about the person, he would say, “Hmmm . . .” sternly and I would get the person out of the queue. If ladies came wearing a sixyard saree above the petticoat, as it is usually done, and not clad in the traditional nine-yard saree, they would get no tīrtha when the hand was put out. Periyava would say, “Hmm . . .” firmly, which meant that they should move on. Even if it was four in the afternoon by the time the pūja got over, Periyava would give tīrtha prasāda to the devotees who waited. Once the devotees got tīrtha, they would go to eat at the sandarpaṇakaṭṭu28 where food was served. If there were people in the crowd in whose house a birth had occurred while they waited for the tīrtha prasāda, Periyava would simply say ‘Hmm . . .’ sternly and I would, for my part take the person out of the queue. The devotee would move away in tears. Periyava would depute Ramachandran or me to say “śiśu”, meaning child - that is a child is born in their family - and one us would tell the devotee why he or she was asked to leave the queue, even before the good news reached their family. If Periyava said “yogosi” it meant that someone had passed away in 27 28

lit. ‘cow-mother’, refers to the cow in general where food is served to devotees

8 In the Presence of the Divine their family29. If he showed three fingers and said, “sūlam” it meant that an Iyengar30 in the crowd was called. If there was any problem where the devotees ate their meal, Periyava would stop giving tīrtha, go and take a quick look around and then return to resume his work and the devotees who took the thirtha and left, knowing nothing about Periyava’s exit and return would explain the interval to each other in our hearing. “Oh…Periyava was lost in meditation for a while!” If the crowd was very large I would be drafted in to control the crowd because I was tall and well-built. Periyava would also go to see how the devotees were served. The wife of Venkataramaiyer, Principal, Kumbakonam College, would come every day, wait for the tīrtha without taking food or water, receive the prasāda and take some home in a small vessel for her family. Periyava would tell her “You poor thing! Your husband cannot fast till he receives tīrtha prasāda . . . You are the daughter in law of the family . . . so you fast every day and take it on his behalf, praying for his welfare also!” One day when Periyava was distributing tīrtha - it was almost two-thirty in the afternoon- this lady moved up in the queue. “Hmm . . . ” said Periyava. “Mami” I said, “Move on!” “I want tīrtha prasāda from Periyava . . . ” “No tīrtha for you today, move on and give way to the next person” I said executing my office sternly. The lady moved away without a word, but burst into tears. As she walked towards the exit at the rear of the building, Periyava told me “Tell Sethuraman to stand in your place for a while and go and tell that lady that she has become a grandmother!” I parked Sethuraman and went towards the lady in a state of total confusion. ‘Now this lady has a striking personality. What is this, Periyava saying that she has become a grandmother all of a sudden!’ I was puzzled and could make no sense of the instruction. I did not know these subtleties then, for I was just a lad. I rushed to the exit at the back and shouted behind the lady, “Mami . . . you have become a grandmother . . . You are grandmother!” and came running back without waiting to see the consequence of my words! Her daughter in law had given birth to a boy at twelve or one in the afternoon in Calcutta and Periyava had sent away the lady at half past two without prasāda, even before the family received a telegram giving them the good news. The next day the family informed the Matha of this. The child was named Kamakoti or Mouli, I think. The gentleman was very talented, but not in good health. Periyava would look at the outstretched hand and say ‘Well Govinda! So you have come after so long . . . Look after your father!” He knew how to welcome devotees. The screen was only for us. Nothing remained hidden from his view. Sometimes, devotees who could not attend 29

Both birth and death are followed by prescribed days of seclusion by the family, during which time its members are not allowed to participate in /perform ceremonial and fire-worship, receive offerings or visit temples; generally called a period of impurity 30 Lit.a trident; here a Śri Vaiṣṇava, who wears two white and one red vertical stripes on his forehead, like a trident

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the pūja would come in time to queue up for the tīrtha prasāda. Even as he dropped the tīrtha into the outstretched hand from behind the curtain, Periyava would say “So…you could come only now! How is every one at home?” or “Did you tell your husband that you were coming here?” and so on. Banampattu Kannan came much after I went to Periyava. It must have been in 1946 or 1947, when Periyava camped in Thiruvidaimarudur. He was my assistant. Periyava sent away his brother Kuppu, who went to live in George Town, in Madras. Kuppu invited trouble with his gimmicks. Sivan Saar would advise me to always, “Say ‘Yes’ to whatever Periyava said and never to say ‘No!’ If Periyava wanted the rickshaw to turn a narrow corner Kannan would argue with Periyava. He would give vent to his anger. “It is so difficult to get along with this ascetic. How are we to go through this turning?” But if we took the rickshaw forward we would make the surprising discovery that there, the turning was wider at the back than it had seemed and that the rickshaw could turn easily. One had to simply do what Periyava told us to. At times Periyava’s instructions would be very difficult to carry out. Those of us who were trained from the beginning with Periyava knew how to take his instructions and carry out his commands. Those that came later took long to learn. We always felt an inexplicable bliss when we were with Periyava. Those days were filled with a bliss that cannot be described in words. That joy was not of this world.

This happened when Periyava was camping in Villianur. Periyava had agreed to stop there for a few days mainly because of the host’s aged mother. The host was Venkataramaiyer, the owner of a rice-mill, who had only then celebrated his śastiabdapūrti 31. He had no children, though he was blessed with a son when he was sixty-two, two years after Periyava’s visit. His third wife who was forty at that time bore the child. Periyava played a prank when we were camping in this village. The backyard of the gentleman’s house, stretching right up to the banks of the Cauveri was filled with milch cow and calves. Usually when Periyava camped in a village, the cows in everyone’s shed would be brought and left at the place where Periyava stayed, so that there could be plenty of milk for abhiseka 32. You keep pouring measures of milk into the bison-horn filter and it drain down through the aperture at the other end for a very long time. One day, when it was still quite dark, Periyava went out and untied all the calves which of course were suckled by their mothers to their hearts’ content. When it dawned, the calves were seen prancing around. There were at least a hundred milch cows there so you can imagine the scene. Venkataramaiyer was furious. “Call the cow herd!” he thundered.

31 32

ceremonial celebration, with fire-rites, on the completion of sixty years, considered a full life-span consecration of deities, referred to as ‘tirumañjana’ in the Vaiṣṇava tradition

10 In the Presence of the Divine The poor chap knew nothing and was probably slapped once or twice by his master. Quite innocently Periyava asked “What is all that noise about?” Venkataramaiyer went in to give the news that the calves had been let loose. “So what are we to do for the milk? How will I manage?” The gentleman was flustered. “Listen . . . don’t beat that cowherd. Don’t worry. Today there would be plenty of milk, more than usual . . . ” said Periyava at once. Surprisingly, that day the cows yielded much more than usual. C.P.Ramasamy Iyer and other dignitaries came for darśan during this camp.Two years later when the camp was in Mayavaram we heard that Venkataramaiyer had been blessed with a son. Periyava said “That day, remember . . . how many calves were suckled, how happy they were . . . it is that . . . which has given him a child today.” Three months ago I went to those parts.The landscape has changed completely. When Periyava camped in Villianur, he would imitate the call of every cow in its own peculiar way, such that the calf of that particular cow whose voice was being imitated would come leaping to Periyava, as if he were its mother. So perfect would the imitation be. Periyava could caw exactly like the crow and all other birds. It would take a whole pot of water for him to gargle in the morning. He would tie a turban around his head, and while he waited for the pot to be replaced with another full one, he would balance the one with a little water on his head and do the karagam33 dance. Sometimes he would fling the brass pot and shout, “Catch”. When he was offered pūrṇakumbha 34, he would pick up the coconut by twirling its tuft and without a pause throw it towards one of us, flipping it up, saying ‘Catch!” Sometime he would show us silambāṭṭam35 just like folk performers, playing his daṇda around his fingers in such speed, doing such fantastic leaps! At night if we flashed the torch ahead of us Periyava would walk in front of us following the beam of light. All of a sudden we would find him walking behind us. When garlands were offered to him he would swirl it and fling it to us to catch. Such games he played! There was no branch of knowledge that was not known to him. When Periyava was in Kumbakonam, he would often be in total seclusion for long periods, that is between one full-moon day and the third full moon day, which were the days when the ascetic has to have his head and face shaved. Three sheds of thatch would be put up one after the other and Periyava would retreat into the last. This full moon day was known as vapana pūrṇima - vapana refers to the tonsuring of the ascetic. When we took the pūja offerings inside, we would ring our bell before hand, place the offering inside, close the door behind us and come back. During the periods of retreat, Periyava would ring a small hand-bell so that we knew he was coming out of his seclusion. We would move away. Periyava did all the three pūjas 33

A common folk-dance done balancing a bedecked pot; also performed as a vow carrying a pot of milk to temples a ceremonial welcome of dignitaries with Vedic chanting and offering a pot crowned with coconut and mango leaves, holding water imbued with mantra 35 a form martial art where a smooth pole is wielded as a weapon to the deft and stylized movements of the limbs 34

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of the day in strict accordance with the rules, reducing nothing, while living thus in total retreat. Periyava would ring the bell after the pūja and retreat. We would bring out the prasāda and the tīrtha and Appukutty Śāstrigaḷ would distribute tīrtha. His vantage was such that no one could see him, but he could see everyone from there. Periyava took only a little buttermilk and fruit during such periods and his bhikṣa would be placed in the narrow gap between the doors on a wooden plate. Appukutty Śāstrigaḷ and Ramachandraiyer served him during these periods. Periyava got me a job in 1955. Periyava was then camping in a place called Marathala Sayinaapuram. One day when Periyava was reading the newspaper and he said “There is an advertisement for the post of Senior Hindi Teacher at the High School in Thiruvaiyaru.” He called the Senior Manager and said “Fill out an application on Thiagu’s name!” Dr.Mahalingaiyer had come for darśan. This was sometime before June, before Jayendrar had been anointed as his successor. Periyava told Mahalingaiyer, who had come that day, “There is a vacancy for Hindi teacher in the High School in Tiruvaiyaru. Will our Thiagu get the job? He is well-qualified in Hindi.” Mahalingaiyer said “I know the Headmaster very well. It can be done” “I am myself going to leave the Matha. Once I leave the Matha what respect will these boys, who have served me command in society? Must we not do them a good turn? The new Swāmigaḷ has come to the Matha.” Mahalingaiyer later took the application and actually came back with the appointment order. The youngsters in the Matha teased me. “No more food for you in the Matha. You are getting a job! You had better get started!” I thought they were teasing me. “Why, you fellows! You think you can play the fool when my back is turned on you!” Periyava had been talking about sending me away on a job for almost ten days then. He would tell me “You must know how to walk into a class, not sloppily like a dunce, but like this, stylishly!” He would fling the upper portion of his ochre cloth on his shoulder and show me how to walk majestically. Even then I thought he was simply playing one of his pranks. “Why must I leave? I too shall be on ascetic!” I was thirty then. “That is all very difficult, my boy” said Periyava.” You have seen ascetics and you know what they are like. You can attain salvation as a householder too. Ambāḷ36 will be gracious to you.” I could not think of leaving Periyava and going away. I had been avoiding seeing Periyava face to face for a couple of days. Periyava called the Senior Manger, Viswanathaiyer. “Viswanathan, look here. . . your disciple is stubborn!” I was always receptive to the Senior Manager’s words. The Senior Manager said, “Thiagu, Periyava wants you to go out and take a job. He speaks of leaving the Matha himself. It is better that you do as he says.” 36

lit. ‘ambā’- mother, used to refer to the Divine Mother

12 In the Presence of the Divine Two days before I saw Periyava after the pūja. It was eleven o’ clock. “I won’t go away to take up a job, leaving you” I said. “What is it?” he said. “Why must I take up a job?” “What if I forbid you to come to the Matha? “The devotees belong to the Matha and the Matha to them. What have ascetics go to do with the Matha? From today onward I do not want a salary. After all I eat so little, one meal a day is enough. I will follow your palanquin just like Karuppan. Let me just be like him!” Karuppan was a black dog who walked in the shade of Periyava’s mēna, and shifted with us from camp to camp. “Thiagu” said Periyava. “I am going to leave the Matha. Later if I wanted ten rupees, a letter could be sent to you, ‘Send me ten rupees’ I could say and you would. See . . . it is not for your sake, take up the job for my sake. . . After all do you have a family,wife and children? It is for my sake…” It worked. I put my palms together and said “Then I will . . . ” ‘The salary was forty rupees. Of that surely I could send ten rupees to Periyava’, I thought. “What did your Saar say? You would have surely consulted your Saar!” Periyava always referred to Sivan Saar as ‘Your Saar’ when he spoke to us. Otherwise when he referred to Sivan Saar in the course of his conversation, he would say ‘Saatthu’, which was the latter’s nickname in his family. “Yes, I did . . . He said ‘Periyava is going to leave the Matha. It is good that you leave now and take up a job outside’,” I told Periyava. Actually my application for the job had been drafted by Sivan Saar who told me this with a laugh, later on. The next night Dr.Mahalingaiyer was with Periyava. Periyava took some prasāda in his hand and leaning forward looked at ball of sandal paste37 in the pūja and then gave it to me. I was shaken and all strength seemed to have drained away from me. Senior Manager Viswanathaiyer said, “Take it, my boy” and somehow I managed to take it. “Mahalingam “said Periyava. “See that he has two sets of jubba, dhoti and añgavastram38. Take him to Tiruvaiyaru, make sure he takes up the post and then come back and report to me!” At that time, past eight at night, the Khaddhar shop was opened on Mahalingaiyer’s request on conveying Periyava’s instructions. It was Periyava’s relative Vengu Bhagavatar’s son Babu who opened his shop. In those days the añgavastram was not very broad. I was given four jubbas, four dhotis of four-cubits each, and four bordered añgavastrams. We left early next morning after taking the morning meal at Mahalingaiyer’s house. It was a Wednesday. I joined on the eighth of June. Once I reached Tiruvaiyaru I began counting the days for the weekend . . . ‘Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, then I could leave on Friday evening to go back to Periyava’, I thought. I was taken to the Head Master and I joined duty.

37 38

The Mēru, Tripurasundari, is always fully covered with sandal paste. Collarless long-sleeved kurta, dhoti and bordered upper-cloth

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I would not eat in hotels. So the Head Master made arrangements for me to hire a room in Vadakku Veedhi for a rent of three rupees a month. I cooked my meal in my room, since I had refused to eat at the pātaśāla opposite the school. I felt restricted in the staff room because I was so used to moving about freely in the Matha. There were forty or so teachers. They would all stare at me as if I were some kind of a rare creature from the zoo, because they knew that I had lived in the Matha for several years and served Periyava. The Head Master announced a new scheme - once a week, for five minutes, each teacher had to talk on his subject. One had to talk only for five minutes, at the end of which a bell would be rung. One could not ramble. This was done during the school assembly. Since I had joined just then, I was called to speak that week. I did not know what to say. I was thrown off-guard. About two thousand boys were standing in front of me. The teachers were on this side, staring at me. What was I supposed to say? I had never made a speech before. ‘Periyava, I said I did not want the job. . . now what am I going to say?’I called out to him mutely. Helplessly, I bowed down my head in silent salutation to Periyava. Suddenly I saw a red light in front of me and I was filled with courage. I began to speak. “Māṇavamanigaḷe ! Sagāsiriyargaḷē!39” I began my address. Then for the next five minutes I spoke about the origin and nature of Hindi language, because some of my fellow teachers had been asking me if Hindi was an abrogated and hybrid language, whether it had literature and so on. The popular belief was that Hindi had no grammar. I traced the origin of Hindi to Sanskrit and concluded that Hindi was a filiative language of Sanskrit, as a daughter to her mother. Exactly at the end of five minutes I concluded my talk with “Jai Hind!” The applause was thunderous and later the teachers crowded around me and praised me for the precision and excellence of my speech. I was talented in managing time because I had served Periyava, they said. I had originally begun talking in Tamil and when there were cries of “Hindi! Hindi!” had switched over to Hindi. I said that that I would elaborate the topic in four parts in subsequent talks. On Friday evening I took a bus and went back to Periyava at Pandanallur. The boys there thought that I had quit my job and had come running back. Periyava had told me that I could come back for the weekends. I stopped in the corridor to take off my jubba and to tie the añgavastram around my waist as a mark of respect in Periyava’s presence. We did not wear a shirt, only a four cubit dhoti in the Matha. Periyava sent word to me that I was to present myself just as I was. He wanted to see me in a ‘full suit of clothes’ so to say! “Panditji” Periyava welcomed me, and continued to repeat my address verbatim, Māṇavamanigaḷe! Sagāsiriyargaḷē. . . . How well you spoke!” “I was terrified. My limbs were shaking” I confessed. Sivan Saar would say that if we remembered Periyava, then we could tide over every situation.

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Precious students, Fellow-teachers!

14 In the Presence of the Divine Oh! That is nothing at all . . . all will be well in course of time.“What did you teach today? Have they given you the time-table?” The truth was I had no idea as what a time-table was. Classes had not started yet. Periyava would welcome me the moment I got up after prostrating to him “What news, Māṇavamanigaḷe ?” Periyava always called me ‘Thiagu’ but after I took up the job in school called me ‘Panditji’. As long as I was bachelor every Friday evening, come what may, I would rush off to Pandanallur to Periyava’s presence and would be there by seven at night. On Sunday night I would tag along with whoever came for darśan from Kumbakonam. As soon as school closed for vacation I would go to Periyava’s camp and stay on there till school re-opened. Periyava also arranged my marriage. My quarrel with Periyava happened after that. My wife was three months pregnant then. Periyava was camping in a village called Bembi, near Kalavai, at that time. My wife was fourteen years younger to me. I was such a hefty fellow and she looked like a little stick beside me. When we reached there, Periyava told Pattamaniaiyer’s wife, “Look! The daughter in law of the Matha has come. You must serve them a grand feast in our traditional way, with pōḷi and āmavadai. The lady prepared a grand, traditional feast with morekuzhambu. We stayed there for three days. On the third say at about four in the afternoonI had to get back to work- we went for darśan and prasāda. Periyava was taking his bhikṣa, the door was ajar. One could see him if one peeped around the door. After bhikṣa Periyava came out, called my wife forward and gave her prasāda and blessed her. “Periyava “I said with folded hands” prasāda for me!” “Not necessary, you can leave now” commanded Periyava. I was terribly hurt. I went straight to the Manager and told him this. “Thiagu is upset that he was not given prasāda” said the Manager on my behalf. “What prasāda? Why prasāda for him? He belongs to the Matha. The prasāda was for the daughter in law who has come now,” said Periyava firmly. I played a trick. “The teachers at school will ask for it!” “I say ‘No prasāda’ even for him, then wherefrom for the teachers! Get the cart ready! Is he leaving or not?” I left the Matha with a heavy heart, but I was also angry. When I boarded the bus at Kalavai I gave vent to my anger. Sivan Saar always said “Don’t trust those asceties . . . all frauds! Take a stick and break the tonsured head . . . those chaps must not be let off easily!” I recalled this. All the way from Kalavai to Kanchipuram I rasped and raved, calling Periyava names. That night we ate at Viswanathaiyer’s house, and I told his wife - who had known me since I came to the Matha as a boy- that Periyava had slighted me. Even if a farm-hand got married and came to see you, what you do is to give him nice gifts and invite the couple to receive it together. When such be the case, I who had served the Matha for so long, go after my wedding on my first visit with my wife and I am told ‘No prasāda!’ Why, he could have given me a little vibhūti and

15 Volume II- Article No 1/Ugranam Thiagu Thatha akṣata40 at least. Viswanathaiyer’s wife said, “Thiagu, if Periyava did not give you prasāda that must have been for a reason. You will know of it later. It is not because Periyava is angry with you. There is no need for you to get so upset.” Only after I heard her words of comfort did I cool down. Yet, for the next year or so I did not go for darśan. A year later, I sold my house in Tiruvaiyaru to a young man who had earlier taken tuition classes in Hindi from me. I thought I must get the boy prasāda from Periyava on that occasion. The earlier incident of being turned away without prasāda somehow slipped right out of my mind and we got ready to go. Periyava was camping in Agaram, near Poonamalle in Madras. We took the seven o’ clock train. When we reached the camp, many big shots were sitting there, M.S.Amma, Sadasivam, K.Balasubramaniam and so on. It was Vyasa pūja41 day and Periyava was giving halved coconut with Bengal gram placed inside it. Turning to K.B. Periyava asked, “Balasubramaniam, how many names are there in the sahasranāma42?” “One thousand names make a sahasranāma, Periyava!” “This Thiagu here, none can offer names like him. He worshipped me not just with a thousand names, but a lakh of them… ‘Mundam43 break his head! Dandam! Break his limbs!’ All the way from Kalavai to Kanchipuram till Viswanthaiyaer’s wife consoled him. “Even I have not do such archanā44 to Ambāḷ !” Periyava placed one halved coconut over another, both filled with Bengal gram and giving it to me, said “Here . . . now take double prasāda!” I moved sideways and stood quietly. My eyes filled with tears. That year my wife had a premature delivery and the doctors said that it was a miracle that she survived. “It was like this . . . the astrologers were repeatedly saying that his horoscope predicted the loss of his wife and that he would be married again for a second time. So I gave prasāda to his wife to save her. This chap thought that I had insulted him! “I wanted to change the dwikaḷatram into

40

Also mantrākṣata: whole rice grain dipped in turmeric, used in and infused with the power of ritualistic worship as well as the grace of the Master,given to or sprinkled upon a person as a blessing, hence also called balamantrāksata. 41 Also known as Krṣṇa Dvaipāyana and Bādarāyaṇa, Vyāsa classified the Veda into four (hence Veda Vyāsa), authored the eighteen purāṇās, compiled the cardinal doctrines of the Vedānta in a systematic manner in the Brahm Sūtra and authored the Mahābhārata, the biggest epic in the world; considered the first in the line of preceptors; The period of cāturmāsya (lit. ‘four-month period’) is initiated invoking the grace of Śri Veda Vyāsa and the other preceptors of self- knowledge, through Vyāsa pūja. This period begins in Āsāda (June-July) from the day of Sayana- ekādaśi or eleventh day in the fortnight of the waxing moon and ends in the month ofKārtika (October-November) on Utthāna- ekādaśi, in the fortnight of the waxing moon. The ascetic vows (hence ‘vrata’) to stay in one place and spend the time in spiritual practices. 42 the thousand names of a deity 43 Tonsured head 44 ritualistic worship invoking the names of the deity

16 In the Presence of the Divine ekakaḷatram45. Ramachandra!” he continued, addressing Melur Mama, “Don’t underestimate your disciple!” When my elder son was born, Sankar, I had no particular urge to go and see Periyava and ask for prasāda. Sivan Saar said, “You need not go and ask for prasāda and make much of all this!” Sivan Saar visited us often.So I did not go. Subbrayar, the Ayurvedic doctor from Thanjavur had gone for darśan. We had just completed the puṇyavacanaṃ46 and were sitting down as a couple to receive the blessings of the elders, when Dr. Subbarayar arrived, bringing Periyava’s blessings with a piece of silk cloth, a small coin, and prasāda. He had been instructed to reach before ten o’ clock before the rituals concluded. After this incident, I was filled with a desire to se Periyava. The camp was than in Karvet Nagaram, in Andhra. When I prostrated, Periyava said,” You will live prosperously without any want. It is quite natural that you should feel upset. After all the fellow before you was a fraud and his wife, a strange sort. Yet I call them forward as a couple and give them prasāda and then ignore you and only call your wife. Why! A youngster is sure to get upset.’ None can cajole a person out of anger like Periyava. The cause of the anger or disappointment will evaporate into nothingness! One would feel elated and nothing would seem wrong. The matter would be closed once and for all. One day Periyava said, “Bring your Saar, I wish to see him!” Periyava was then camping in Chidambaresa Aiyer’s house in Villupuram. Periyava always referred to Sivan Saar as ‘Your Saar’ when he spoke to us. So I conveyed this to Sivan Saar! I went to see Periyava once a week regularly, apart from spending my vacation with him. After Periyava’s darśan I would come back to Kumbakonam, halt for the night at the Matha, where Sivan Saar stayed, and then get back. So we went to Periyava. “You need not introduce me” instructed Sivan Saar on the way. “Why must I introduce you? You are elder and younger brothers” I replied. “Nothing of the sort . . . both of us are renunciates . . . he an ascetic and I a householder, that’s all!” When we reached there, Sivan Saar stood in the corridor. “Call your Saar in” said Periyava. They conversed for about ten minutes. Periyava then gave Sivan Saar a very tattered old book in English - the Old Testament and a book about Egypt and ancient civilizations. Periyava instructed Sivan Saar to translate the whole book into Tamil. So Sivan Saar sat in the library of the Matha in Kumbakonam, referring to books and spent the days writing. “Thiagu, have I not told you many times, that one must avoid the friendship of the ascetic and the musician. Was it for nothing that they say ‘The ascetic as a travel companion and the musician as friend is good only as far as the pyol of the house!’ 45

46

two spouses and one spouse On the eleventh day after the birth - traditionally the end of the period of impurity - cleansing through mantra and naming of the baby is performed.

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“Periyava also says this. What does it mean Saar?” “Now look! I was free and could move about the way I liked. Now look, here I am, glued to this place. It is to keep me pinned down that this assignment was given to me!” A quarter aṇṇa worth of snuff would be regularly supplied regularly to Siva Saar while he was at work. Sivan Saar would often quote this proverb about avoiding the friendship of the ascetic and the musician, but I never really understood it till then. Maharajapuram Viswanathaiyer was a case in point. He would turn down food before his concert. After we came back, well past midnight, he would ask for a quarter measure of almonds, roasted to a turn in ghee, with some milk to go with it. Now, what could one do, and should not one pause to consider whether the host was equipped to serve these at that time of the night in a moment’s notice? I have served many a Swami, many an ascetic and have even buried a few. Many of them are, as Sivan Saar says, frauds. They ask you for the impossible at times. Periyava had instructed me to serve bhikṣa to Andhra Swami at one point of time. Periyava’s pūja would be over only by two or even later in the afternoon. Periyava himself would take his bhikṣa so late in the afternoon. How then could I take it to Andhra Swami earlier? The offering of cooked food had to be made to Candramoulīśvara and then I would take some of every dish, along with the rice and serve it Andhra Swami. He would take a glass of buttermilk with sugar mixed into it in the morning, so he had no cause to complain. One day when I served him bhikṣa he said “What food is this? What kind of sambar is this? Get a raw mango, scrape off the peel, and cut into tiny pieces and sauté it with chilli powder and salt in plenty of oil. Get that done for me to eat with the rice. Not this...” and picking up a handful of the rice mixed with sāmbār from the banana leaf, flung it across the room on me. Actually the sāmbār made in the Matha with pumpkin was a delicacy and everyone, even judges, waited for it. I said “I am not bringing any move bhikṣa for you. You may choose to eat or not to eat” and went away. Is it right for an ascetic to show such anger, flinging food from one’s leaf on another person? What kind of renunciation is that? That evening Periyava asked me ‘Did you give upadeśa47 to Andhra Swami?” I told Periyava what happened and he sent for Andhra Swami. “There is no dearth of mango in Kumbakonam after all, if only he had spoken in a civil manner and not flung the rice from his leaf at me.” Periyava instructed Andhra Swami to stay in a portion of the Matha - the northern corner where the adhiṣṭāna48 was built - for three days and fast in solitude in that portion of the Matha. Finally when this ascetic left, he blessed me profusely. Periyava changed him completely.

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instruction, teaching imparted by the master who keeps the disciple in proximity and guides him till the latter attains self knowledge 48 place where an ascetic or pontiff is interned and marked with a basil plant; also called brindāvan

18 In the Presence of the Divine Take Odacheri Swami for that matter . . . if an ascetic asks you for a specific dish you will not spare yourself any trouble to get it done . . . he would ask for unusual dishes like tavala adai49 with its customary side-dish of tamarind chutney . . . all this takes a lot of readying the ingredients, before it is actually cooked. If it was delayed he would ask” Will it take long? By dusk?” peppering his questions with a lot of Sanskrit terms, all for the sake of the two or three tavala adais. Tindivanam Sundaresa Sarma who became an ascetic would say, that it was not an easy thing to give up one’s taste and cravings for specific eatables. I refused to prostrate to any and every ascetic, though some demanded that I do so. To me Mahratta Swami is the only one I would recognize as Swami, they rest are āsamis50, ordinary folk. Mahratta Swami was already ninety-eight or ninety-nine when I first saw him. He was bent double, his head hanging low. He had circumambulated India three times. Once in every three or four months he would come to Periyava for darśan. He would hug Periyava. Periyava would stand on a big plate and Mahratta Swami would literally perform abhiṣeka of Periyava’s feet. Mahratta Swami would store this water in two or three bottles. Every day he would take a spoon of this and drink it. His meal was half a banana or half a roti. He is the person to whom Periyava gave a danda when he lost his, and it was he who said that he did not want Balaji’s darśan in Tirupati, content as he was with his darśan of Periyava. He often said “If there is such a thing as God, it is here” referring to Periyava. We would gather around Mahratta Swami when Periyava was away. We liked to go out for coffee when we were let loose like this. At Kumbakonam, Sivan Saar and I would go out for coffee and two hot idlis. So if I sat near Maharatta Swami thinking how nice it would be to have two rupees to buy myself coffee, he would hold out his coconut shell bowl, with two rupees suddenly manifesting in it. We would be amazed and Mahratta Swami would give it to me saying “You thought of it. I have given it. Go and have some coffee and get some for your friend also!” Whenever Periyava returned to the Matha in Kanchipuram, he would go in at once seeking Mahratta Swami, like a cow looking for its calf. In his last years Mahratta Swami could not see properly. Periyava would ask him “Can you see me?” and the Swami would say “Yes”. Again Periyava would ask him “What is in my hand?” and Mahratta Swami would correctly identify whatever Periyava had in his hand. Ramanatha Sastri took care of him in his last years, bathing him and so on. Mahratta Swami lived for one hundred and four years. Periyava sent word to us that the ascetic would pass away soon. The day before he passed away he repeated incessantly “I going to Maharaj! I am going to Maharaj!” We thought he was talking as was his usual wont and did not give it any special meaning. Before he passed away he asked Srikantan “Where is my Guru?” Ramamurthi replied “In Kalavai”. Turning westward in the direction of Kalavai, Maharatta Swami shouted “O Guru!” and passed away. He was interned in Upanishad Brahmendra Math at Kanchi. 49 50

made of ground pulses and lentils, spiced and cooked like dosa an ordinary person

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We cannot understand Periyava’s words. Often times only after the situation ended we understood the full import of his words. So the best thing to do was obey his words to the letter. I spoke about my anger with Periyava. Periyava once got angry with me. The camp was at Esayanoor where Vyāsa pūja and cāturmāsya was held that year. Vedapuri, now Brahmaśri Vedapuri Sastrigal, was seven years old and Santhanam his brother, younger to him. All of us who served Periyava and the Matha were holding a ‘national conference’ on the pyol of the house adjacent to Kokilattamma’s house. I could imitate anyone’s manner of speech. Vedapuri had lost his mother as a child. That day while we were there chatting Vedapuri came by that way. “Why, Vedapuri” I called out “why is your hair unkempt? Why don’t you knot your hair?” I spoke exactly like him and he burst out crying. Vedapuri usually accompanied Periyava when he went to the Palar river. Seeing him weep Periyava asked him “Why are you weeping, my boy?” “It is this Thiagu Mama . . . he is making fun of me?” “What does he do?” “He talks just like me!” When Periyava returned to the Matha’s camp, as was the usual custom he washed his feet and came in. “Where is Thiagu? Call him!” I went and stood before Periyava. “Did you make fun of this boy? Why did you do it? Say that you will not do again!” Then Periyava also told Vedapuri ‘My boy, you had better be on good terms with that uncle. Now and then he will give you a banana or an orange!” Soon the word that Periyava had pulled me up on account of Vedapuri spread that all over the Matha. Later Kokilattamma called the boy and said, “Vedapuri, it was after all our Thiagu. Why do you go and tell Periyava about it? You must not report such things to Periyava . . . ” Anyway, I gave up imitating others. Periyava was an excellent mimic, ventriloquist and could mimic any instrument simply by whistling its sound to a fine tune. Thiruvisainallur Vikatan Ramasami Iyer would come to the Matha, perform the Bhāgavata pārāyaṇa51, and leave with a honorarium of a hundred rupees and a sack of grain. Periyava would reproduce the conversation of the elderly couple in exactly their voices. He was often mischievous and put these skills to use to have some fun at our expense. If he did not want you to disturb him he would sit behind a closed door and converse with an imaginary person and the conversation would go on in two voices for as long as he wished. Now, how could you open the door? Then when he came out, he would exclaim “Oh…were you fooled? “ He would wave his hands at you like a child at play. He could imitate the 51

Widely read purāṇa on Vishnu’s incarnations, especially that of Krishna; its chanting or reading of this religious text within a prescribed period of time, often accompanied by its exposition.

20 In the Presence of the Divine nāgaswaram52 by whistling. You would believe that someone was actually playing the instrument if you did not see Periyava whistle. Kodavasal Natesan used to cough up blood, because of years of playing the nāgaswaram. Periyava would say, “Thiagu for the management of the store, Viswanathaiyer for the Matha’s office, the big Kaaraan53 cow and the big elephant54 for the pūja . . .” All these left when Periyava left the Matha. If the camp was in a village, especially on full moon nights, after the long day ended, Periyava would sit in swastikāsan, one leg flung over the other, on a cane chair. We would sit huddled a little away, waiting for him to lie down so that we could rest. All of a sudden we would hear such beautiful music, such melodies from a flute. If we turned around and looked, it would be Periyava leaning back, looking at the moon and whistling a musical piece exactly like a flute. Sometimes he would whistle such flute music sitting in the open terrace of the building if the place was quiet and secluded at night. Periyava was also an excellent dancer. He would dance the piece called ‘kuthicchu pādaradhu’,that is singing, clapping and leaping gracefully, all simultaneously. Peiyava said that the Divine Mother Pārvati does this dance in Parameswara’s presence during pradoṣa 55. He knew every mudrā56 in Nātyaśāstra. If the eye had to reach the ear, it would. He has shown all the mudrās and rasās57 to Padma Subramaniam58. He would show the rasā of anger on his face and the very next moment show that of joy. You can see all this in Satara. Bhatt, whom I spoke to the other day, is Manager there. Every aesthetic emotion was perfectly manifest in his expression. Of course he was a perfect yogi59. Periyava took such care of Vedapuri, got him married, then got Vedapuri’s daughter’s marriage performed also. Vedapuri would sometimes sit down looking worried, preparing to go his village. If we asked him “What is it Vedapuri ?” he would say “No water in the Kazhini . . .” For a long time, I did not know that cultivable fields are referred to ‘Kazhini’ in the North Arcot regions. When Periyava was in Mahagaon, Vedapuri was preparing to leave after a visit. Periyava said, “Why my boy, do you have to leave now? Here take all the money and tuck it in your waist. What is it? Is there no water in the ‘Kazhini’?” We were reprimanded if we mimicked anyone but Periyava would talk to Vedapuri exactly like him. Only we were not allowed to mimic others!

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long trumpet-like wind instrument specifically fromTamil Nadu A milch cow that is fully black without a spot of another colour, whose milk is specially auspicious for worship 54 A famous elephant named Prahalada belonging to the Matha 55 lit. evening; refers to the day of the month when Lord Śiva dances at dusk, especially for the Divine Mother 56 purposive gestures and postures in external or inward practice of Yogā, here in traditional dancing; the ancient treatise on dance, music and drama referred to is by Bharata Muni. 57 lit. essence; the predominant aesthetic emotion evoked by the complementary thematic & style used in a piece of art 58 Renowned exponent and scholar on Bharatanatyam who designed the panels on postures of this dance at the Satara Nataraja temple on Periyava’s behest. 59 One skilled in yoga or union with the Divine or remaining steadfast in divine consciousness; here refers to prāpti, one of the eight occult powers signifying mastery in yoga, to be able to appear and disappear at will anywhere 53

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It so happened once when the camp shifted from one place to another somewhere in and around Kalavai. The pūja was unloaded and placed in a particular house. Periyava barely set foot into the house when he flew into a rage and slapped himself upon his forehead. “Aah . . . aah!” On such occasion only the Senior Manager could go near Periyava. I thought to myself that there was going to be no sign of Periyava taking bhikṣa that day. We guessed that Periyava was furious because the pūja had been placed in a house which had suffered the consequences of the dark occult practices. The one who had organized the shifting – it was Rajan - had chosen that particular house because it was huge. We took care to tell Periyava our plans before we executed them. It was always wiser and safer to tell Periyava everything just as it is, without holding back any fact. Kannan used to ask me “How is it that you go in and come out in tow minutes?” If one exaggerated the truth or spoke falsely then one must be prepared to spend an hour in Periyava’s presence, till the matter was thoroughly dissected, to be questioned to no end. The Senior Manager, who knew how to cope with such situations said at once, “We are shifting to the neighbouring house, the bags are being taken away . . . we have already shifted them . . .” and so on. One has to be careful before shifting the pūja from one place to another. The naivedyam – the food offering - made to Candramoulīśvara was prepared with great care for Periyava was very strict about all matters connected with the pūja. The place before the pūja altar had to be cleaned and sprinkled with water and a design would be drawn with rice powder. A wet cloth would be spread and then a banana leaf would be placed on it. There is a certain tradition as to where the rice is to be placed, where the side dishes and so on, all of which would be in individual vessels that were placed on the leaf. Periyava never spoke during pūja time. Once he entered the pūja mantapam everything had to follow in clock-work precision. Periyava would put a vilva leaf60 in every dish. If salt had been forgotten in a dish, say rasam, then the vilva would not be dropped into it. At home, we would get annoyed or may be ask for the salt to be added, but that could not be done. By merely looking at a dish Periyava would know what ingredients it had or lacked. The leaf would remain poised on the tip of his fingers. The person who readied the coal to offer incense would bring it in anticipation of the pūja coming to a finish with the offering of naivedyam. The ladle filled with glowing coal would cool down, be taken away and replaced afresh but the vilva would still not have fallen on the rasam. Melur Mama and I would watch from the side of the pūja mantapam and would finally find out which vessel did not get the vilva leaf. The vessel of rasam without salt could not be removed. It would continue to be there. In the kitchen, salt would be added to the rasam remaining there and a fresh supply would be sent to 60

Aegle (Rutaceae) marmetos; in vernacular called vilva,bael,maredu & śriphala; a sacred tree, its leaves, ripe and unripe fruit and bark are replete with medicinal properties; leaves used in worship of Śiva. The network of veins below the leaves is considered one of the five abodes of goddess Lakshmi, the other four being the point above the forehead where the hair is parted by sumaṅgali women, the pollen centre of the lotus flower, the top of the tail and posterior rump of the cow and the forehead of the elephant as elucidated by Śri Periyavāḷ on several occasions.(See Śri Periyavāḷ’s exposition of this in SL and DK.)

22 In the Presence of the Divine the pūja mantapam in another vessel. Later after the pūja, Periyava would mention it in a lighthearted tone, “I am a sanyāsi, so I eat without salt . . . Candramoulīśvara is not a sanyāsi . . . he is having a good time with his younger wife!” For a long time I did not know what this elder and younger wife business was all about. I learnt of it much later. The business about the younger wife was this. In the mid-thirties, Periyava walked to Kasi on a pilgrimage. When camping in Kasi, there was a theft in the Matha. The Mahā meru61 was damaged for the thief had flung the pūjabox. The Candramoulīśvara liñga62 was found lying nearby. The next day Periyava was to accept bhiksāvandana from the Raja of Kasi. The Candramoulīśvara pūja had to go on. So overnight a Mahā meru was readied in accordance with the rules of Śāstra by Manager Kuppuswami Iyer and installed for pūja. Since then, this Mahā meru has taken the place of the former one. Then Periyava performed all the three pūjas of the next day after four in the evening and took his bhikṣa the next, the third day, it seems. She is now the Tripurasundari seated there. So this is how Candramoulīśvara got himself a younger wife! I learnt of this in a camp. Let me tell you about it. Periyava was camping in Nannilam taluk. ‘The ways of Siva are unpredictable, worse still the ascetic’s’, they say. Our itinerary had been unpredictable and only Periyava knew of it. So we ended up in a small hamlet, Ammangudi, near Semmangudi, Varagudi.. Nondi Ramaih Lame Ramaih who had been Periyava’s classmate in the first class in school - invited Periyava to camp for two days during ekādaśi and dwādaśi63 in his little village. The daily expenses would be lesser than usual during ekādaśi, with the fasting and minimal cooking and so on. He offered one hundred rupees and two big bags of rice gram. “Will that be enough for this huge belly, Ramaih?” “There is nothing that Periyava does know” said Ramaih, with his palms held together, “This is the most I can offer . . .” “Take it and don’t ask him for anything. . . let us camp here for two days,” said Periyava. “We played marbles together. He would knock us hard on the knees.”

61

Monism views creation - which is the manifestation of the Pure Consciousness - as the energy or Śakti and thus the latent and the manifest are seen as being one and the same. The manifest is symbolized by the Śri Cakra (the auspicious disc) whose two dimensional form projected into three dimensions is called a Mahā Meru or the Great Mountain. The most sacred instrument of all symbols of worship, representing Śrī Lalita Tripurasundari (the beautiful goddess as sporting in the game of creation) it is formed by nine interlocking triangles (to form 43 smaller triangles) that surround and radiate from the central point (bindu) visualizing the highest and invisible centre from which creation and all levels of energy expand. The triangles are enclosed by two rows of (8 and 16) petals, representing the lotus of creation and its reproductive vital force. The Meru has its esoteric form of complementary sound pattern or mantra and formalized ritualistic worship which leads to merger into the Pure Consciousness. Hence it is known as the most auspicious of all bodies of knowledge or Śrī Vidya. 62 Also śivaliṅga: elliptical symbol, without beginning or end, representing Śiva in ritualistic worship 63 The tenth and eleventh day of every fortnight; fasting and spiritual regimen is prescribed for the former

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So we camped there, and the second day was extended to a third. Since it was just a hamlet, Periyava would be free after pūja. A Sroutigaḷ64 from Kaasapakkam came there. After pūja, Periyava honoured him with a gold coin, a silk saree and a set of dhoti and upper cloth. He commanded the Sroutigaḷ to chant and the gentleman literally showered the camp with Sāma. Periyava would always become very happy when scholars came for darśan and would converse with them for hours, Besides Periyava had so much time in that little village. Periyava wished to honour the gentleman and said ‘sūlam’ and the trident meant three thousand rupees. Where could I go for three thousand rupees? Ramaih had given hundred rupees which was in the cash box and if I gathered together all the change we had I would muster about two or three hundred rupees. So I told Periyava that three thousand was far beyond our means. “You hold the keys . . . and it is such a huge samasthān, you must indeed give the money to the Sroutigaḷ. What do I have? I am a sanyāsi… I only know to do the pūja…” said Periyava and threw the responsibility on my shoulders. What was I to do? I knew I had to listen patiently and agree with all he said. Periyava performed pūja and the Sroutigaḷ spent the rest of the day in chanting and in discussion with Periyava. Periyava wished to send the gentleman away on the evening of the third day. Earlier, in the afternoon, Periyava called me and said “Well… we have to send the Sroutigaḷ back. He needs to arrange a wedding in his family!” The cashier was on leave and the Manager had gone to Kumbakonam. I was at my wit’s end. “Shall I go to Mudikondan and borrow three thousand rupees?” “No . . . imagine the samasthān borrowing money!” “Shall I go and see Vanchi Mama in Nannilam?” “No . . . no . . . !” “I could write a letter to Kumbakonam . . . ” “No . . . you must give it, in cash! By evening . . . ” We would never say ‘No’ to Periyava. So I said, “Yes, as Periyava says, this evening we will give a cash gift to the Sroutigaḷ. By Periyava’s grace, what is three thousand after all, one could even gift three crores of rupees!” L.K. Ranganathan, a magistrate from Kumbakonam was driving the car and was accompanied by his wife. The gentleman had been called to court to answer charges of corruption, of taking bribes. A case had been going on against him for three years and the whiteman had suspended him from service. He was acquitted in the hearing held on the previous day. The next day, that is, that morning, the lawyer handed over the formalities for the follow-up to someone else and packing a box of curd-rice set out with his wife to in search of Periyava. His wife had vowed that they would offer a months’s salary to Periyava if her husband was acquitted of all charges made against him in the case. On the way they had made enquiries at 64

Srauti: from śruti; one who chants it and has mastered the Sāma Veda is respectfully addressed as Srautigaḷ

24 In the Presence of the Divine Chidambaram, Mayavaram and so on and finally arrived at Ammangudi at about five-thirty in the evening. I was not of course aware of this background. The judge’s salary was three thousand five hundred rupees in those days. Although his wife had vowed a months’s salary as an offering to Periyava, over and above that, the judge had brought three thousand five hundred rupees of his own accord, One offering was in coins and the other in notes, and both were placed on plates and the money covered with flowers and garlands which they had purchased on the way. I did not know that money offerings were beneath the flowers. Periyava was seated in the dilapidated house where we camped. It was almost five in the evening. A car was seen at a distance. “Look “said Periyava “ a car coming even on this mud road”. “Yes” I replied. “I thought that for a couple of days I could camp here in peace… It is understandable if it is Nannilam or Mudikondan . . . but here in this tiny hamlet . . . they just don’t let me off…” “Can you tell the flies to stay away from the jackfruit?” “Oh . . . so you know to talk too!” Coming back to the judge and his wife, the couple got down from the car. “Where is Periyava?” The judge asked me in a whisper. “Have you eaten anything since you left home?” I asked in reply. “We must have Periyava’s darśan first, there is something that I have to tell him.” The milk was on the boil on the firewood stone. I flung some tea leaves into it and brewed the couple a glass of hot tea each. They were very happy. Then they had a wash and the gentleman changed into the traditional eight cubit dhoti and besmeared himself with stripes of sacred ash. Whatever his principles, the gentleman had a striking appearance. In ten minutes he was ready and I took the couple, who were carrying the plates - whose contents I did not know of - to Periyava’s presence. Periyava said, “Put Pazhakadai Venkataraman on guard at the back door!” The chap was chatting and lazing around. I parked him behind the tottering old house. The couple prostrated and got up. Periyava said, “ Does one go in search of beggars and ascetics? ‘The mendicant goes the way the wind blows and the ways of the wise are like the ways of Siva, beyond anyone’s guess’ they say. They have not eaten since morning. They have been making enquires about my whereabouts right from Chidambaram! Who would guide them here . . . if the camp was at Nannilam or Mudikondan, one would know. Thiagu, did you give them something? ” “ I made some tea for them.” “ Oh, you know how to make guests happy. . .” Periyava did not talk to the gentleman right away. Periyava looked at the lady and said “So…you have won!” Then turning to the judge he said, “Ranganatha! Whether or not you took a bribe, only Iswara knows” with his palms turned upward and hands spread wide. “But then, your wife - it is the

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wife who always saves the husband from any kind of difficulty – made a prayer to me. ‘My husband must come out this without a blemish’ she prayed. Her prayer fell upon my ears. So I thought to myself ‘Now what kind of a responsibility is this!’ You had to be saved from that mess. Anyway…you have gone to the flower market and got all these . . . good . . . now go on and eat your meal!” The pyol was swept clean and banana leaves spread. The couple was served a meal there. The judge had gone to England for his higher studies. In those days, such people were not served inside the Matha. When they had their meal, Periyava called me and showed me what the two plates had beneath the flowers. “Look, how Candramoulīśvara listens to his wife. I told you so! Two plates . . .three thousand five hundred rupees in coins and another three thousand five hundred in notes. Take away the plates. Give that Brahmin the three thousand rupees in notes. The coins, you may take for your treasury. So, did you do as I told you to?” Earlier in the afternoon Periyava instructed me to make a prayer to Tripurasundari. “Listen, do as I say! Go to the pūja altar and say ‘Hey, Tripursundari, you are the wife of Candramoulīśvara. So he will do just as you say. Somehow get us out of this situation. Give us three thousand rupees so that the Sroutigaḷ can be packed off!” “Go back and repeat it in a loudly!” So I went back to repeat it in a loud and clear voice. Melur Ramachandraiyer was sitting there, fanning himself and dozing. “Hey, Tirupurasundari” I said loudly, my palms held together, “You are Candramoulīśvara’s wife . . . ” “Why, you fool, what is this babbling” interrupted Ramachandraiyer angrily. “Ramachandraiyer! You had better be quiet” I said. “What do you know about our difficulty? Here you are relaxing, leaning against the wall, fanning yourself and dozing away. We have to pack off that Brahmin who has been here three days now!” I continued my prayer aloud. “Hey, Tirupurasundari! You are Candramoulīśvara’s wife. So if you recommend the case to him, he will do just as you say. Get us out of this fix, somehow. Please give us three thousand rupees and send the Sroutigaḷ back!” I spoke the words exactly as Periyava had coached me to and went back to him. “What did Ramachandraiyer say?” “He is scolding me . . . ” “Listen…when his wife comes here, they sit on the either sides of the curtain in the pūjakaṭṭu and plan all their work. Like this… ‘What have you given Kuppu?’

26 In the Presence of the Divine ‘I am giving this lease to so and so’ his wife says and Ramachandraiyer say ‘yes . . . yes’. ‘You had better go to Mullangkudi . . . ’ ‘I am giving one third of the harvested grain to so and so . . . ’ ‘Yes . . . yes . . .’ and so on. So go and tell him ‘Ramachandraiyer, you say ‘Yes’ to all that your wife says even at this age. So if our Tripurasundari, the wife of Candramoulīśvara makes a request, why wouldn’t he will listen to her?’ Go on . . . ” So I went back and repeated Periyava’s words verbatim to the elderly gentleman. “Go away, go away, you fellow . . .”, “But I am only repeating Periyava’s instructions..” Ramachandraiyer shooed me away from there, shocked at my verbatim repetition of the conversation he had had behind the curtain with his wife. I went to the pūjakattu and told Ramachadraiyer “Mama, you listen to Mami and do as she says, so you are successful in all your ventures! In the same way, our Candramoulīśvara listens to our Tirpurasundari. Now we have got more than double the amount we wanted. Look . . . !” “Aah” said Ramachandraiyer” Seven thousand! All at one go! Just like that, all of a sudden!” He put his palms together. “Parameswara, Parameswara” and slapped his cheeks in repentance! Later Periyava teased Ramachandraiyer, “Why! If you nod your head in agreement with all that your wife says, why would not Candramoulīśvara do so when his younger wife makes a request?” I went back to Periyava after serving the couple. “Where does that lady sit in the car?” Some wives prefer to sit at the back, some sit in the front beside their husband when he drives the car. “Make sure that lady sits in the back seat. Otherwise all the way to Madras she will talk nonstop. Put the Srouti in the front seat “said Periyava. The Sroutigaḷ had missed the five-thirty train from Nannilam. I told the judge “This Sroutigaḷ, elderly man, has come from Kaasapakkam, near Madras, it seems.If you can take him along . . . ” The judge was more than happy. He not only took the Sroutigaḷ with him in his car but put him in his home at Kaasapakkam, giving him an added gift of another thousand. I learnt of this from Periyava the next morning. Periyava came from his snāna in the village pond the next morning and said, “The Sroutigaḷ has reached safely. Not only that . . . sahasram, so caturtam65. Thiagu, you were worried about the Sroutigaḷ going back home safely with so much money. Vaidiks66 know where to keep the money more safely than we do. We are the ones who are fooled . . . ”

65

66

A thousand, so four altogether. One who practises and guides others to practice the Dharma prescribed in the Śāstras

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Mettur Swami was a fine man - an engineer who served Periyava. Every morning, he would go to the Palar River and scoop two cans of fresh water from the river-bed for Periyava’s snāna and be back by five in the morning with it. Usually, I would be sent with prasāda to VIPs like the royal families of Thiruvananthapuram or Kollangode. Periyava would make detailed enquries about our visit, how we were received, who received us and accompanied by whom, what words were spoken and so on, down to the last detail. Similarly he would tell us how we ought to conduct ourselves. None can train a person as well as Periyava could. During my periodic visits to Periyava once a week and during vacation, I was sent on such errands. Periyava’s meal was sparse. Once camping in an open space, I had soaked a handful of chickpeas. That was all I had in my store. Nothing else was available there. I ground it to a paste on a flat stone lying nearby, after washing it clean. Periyava took three small balls of this paste, dipping it in honey. That was his bhikṣa that day. One had to obey his word,that was all. If we worried that he did not eat, he would say,” If all of you eat, take it that I have eaten. It is just so.” But Periyava would make enquiries about our meal and send word to the kitchen that the cook was sending half-cooked vegetables to be served to the devotees or that the raw plantain curry lacked salt. If we went to the kitchen, we would see that the vegetable, spread on large leaves, was indeed half-cooked and raw on the one side. Our days with Periyava were blissful. We ate whatever we got, whenever we could. A prominent gentleman once said that we were bandicoots feeding on cashew and raisin. To us almonds and broken and boiled rice grain were one and same. We ate what was available and when we got it. Sometimes we had to make do with fruits. All said and done, it cannot take the place of a meal. At least some rice with curd would do with a piece of pickle and some salt. Kannan could not fast. Vaitha’s wife would prepare something for him now and then. A gentleman called us bandicoots. Periyava asked him, “Who am I?” “Periyava is none other than Parameswara!” “Who accompanies Parameswara ? Ghosts, ghouls, and spirits, don’t they? These are those ghosts and ghouls! Can you fast as they do and work like they do?” Tirumular says wise men roam like a dog, go about like a ghoul and lie about like a 67 corpse. Periyava took such care of us and never let anyone slight us. Periyava would lie 67

The verse is from two other sources: 1)Saint Tāyumānavar, 1705–1742), articulated the Saiva Siddhanta philosophy in Tamil hymns of which 1454 are extant. This verse is from Gñāna Pulampal (lit. Lamentations of Wisdom): [Peypōl tirintu, piṇampōl kidantu, pennai tāipōl ninaitu, Tavam mudipatu ekkālam?] Wandering like a ghoul, lying (motionless) like corpse, looking upon on women as one’s own Mother, (sans lust), when shall I finish my Penance? 2) Verse 35 of Paṭinattār’s (dates not known), a Tamil Mystic’s composition Wandering like a ghoul, lying (senseless) like a corpse, Eating alms like a dog, laboring like a fox,

28 In the Presence of the Divine senseless like a corpse, involved within himself, just as the wise are described. How can we understood. Periyava would say,” Take a stick and poke him hard with it. Now let him know what pain is, how are we to describe it otherwise?” So one can only experience it, not describe the state of such divinity. What do the wise do? Again and again they fix the mind on the Truth till they become one with it, just like the bee transformed from the larva. One must constantly remember.Vedapuri neither went to school nor pātaśāla. He does āvahanti hōma68 and chants mantrās and today he is Brahmaśri Vedapuri. If one is with Periyava, one is blessed with knowledge that manifests of its own accord. One does not have to go to school or pātaśāla. Many commented that Soundaryalahiri69 lacked a phalśruti70. There was a lot of discussion and the matter was submitted to Periyava. Periyava asked, “Can there be a text without phalśruti? Why, Look at penultimate verse. The adoration of Ambāḷ gives knowledge, then wealth and finally liberation and enlightenment. This is the import of this verse. Is that not acceptable as the phalśruti?71 Ācāryāḷ was ever so humble at all times. He did not speak the assurance directly but stated that worship of Ambāḷ gives one all earthly fruits and then the highest of all, wisdom.” If you follow Periyava’s discourses down the years, not once will you see him attacking another or decrying another faith. He always took a neutral stand. Can we mimic the wise men? If the purāṇās say that Ambāḷ placed her foot on Śiva’s head, can all women do the same to their husbands?72 Now in this day and age we cannot do penance like Periyava. So as Sivan Saar used Treating all women as one’s own mother, Greeting everybody with humility, will live like babes Those who realise the Supreme Truth. 3)Tirumūlar (dates debated between 6th and 12th centuries) a Tamil Śaivite mystic; His Tirumantiram of over 3000 verses, forms a seminal part of Śaivite metaphysics and the canon of devotional mysticism called the Tirumurai. Periyava inspired an annual celebration in honor of Tirumūlar,by devotees from Saatanur, the birth-place of the yogi, encouraging the recitation of the entire collect of 300 verses in three days and circumambulating the arasamaram (called the king of trees), i.e., a pipal tree (Ficus Religiosa) situated west of the temple in Tiruvavaduturai, where Tirumular sat in Yoga for over 3000 years. 68 commonly performed as a part of celebrations of our ācārya’s like Śrī Śankara-jayanti and Guru-pourṇima; its powerful mantras found in the Taittiryopanīṣad (śīkṣā-vallī)kindle worldy success and ultimately enlightment. 69 lit. ‘The Flood of the Sublime Bliss’; Ādi Śankara’s esoteric hymn in adoration of the Divine Mother as the Supreme Being in its aspect of the Śakti or Creative Energy, known as the Śri-Vidya; consists of Ānandalahari (verses 1to 41, composed by Lord Śiva ) and Soundaryalahari (verses 42 to 100, composed byĀdi Śankara) and known by the latter title collectively; (See Soundaryalahari- An Exposition by Śri Periyavāḷ; For Tamil, D K,Vol. VI, pp 577-1321). 70 Lit. ‘fruit-song’; spiritual texts have a benedictory verse assuring the devotee of the fruits of reading it 71 sarasvathyā lakṣmya vidhi-hari-sapatno viharate rateḥ pātivratyaṃ śithilayati ramyeṇa vapuṣaḥ | ciraṃ jīvanneva kṣapitha- paśu-pāśa-vyātikaraḥ parānandābhikhyaṃ rasayati rasaṃ tvadbhajanavān. | | [Verse 99] He who worships you sports with Saraswati and Lakshmi, (and is a) rival to Brahma and Hari. With a beautiful body, he challenges the chastity of Rati (defeats Manmata). Living eternally and casting off contact with the body and all bondage that is seized by spiritual ignorance, he relishes the joy called supreme bliss. 72 Refers to a purāṇic episode, when Śiva, after bearing the Gañga in his matted locks, returned to Pārvati who did

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to say, at the most we must be righteous. Sivan Saar hardly spoke, Periyava spoke a lot for our sake, making things easy for us to understand. I had once gone to Sringeri with G.M.Ramaswami. Śrī Chandrasekhara Narasimha Bharati, who shared Periyava’s name. The pontiff of Sringeri Matha came out and spoke to us. He made courteous enquiries about Periyava? “Does the Swami eat at all? How is his health? What brings you her?” “We came to offer our prostrations” I said. Periyava was camping inVasanthakrishnapuram. We reported our visit in detail. “Not only does he share your name, he looks like you too, Periyava” I said. “Did you reciprocate the courtesy and enquire after his welfare?” Periyava asked. I had no reply. Europeans often complained that Periyava did not impart instructions to them directly. Periyava reply would be, “I am the head of an institution and am bound by its regulations.” They were sent to Ramana Ashram, like Paul Brunton73. Queen Irene of Spain would wait, sitting on the stairs for Periyava and would come running joyously on sighting him. Such was her devotion to him. At Karegaon near Pandaripur Periyava was in the camp and an elderly man in neighbourhood saw Periyava walking down street. He came to the camp later and insisted that he had had Periyava’s darśan even when Periyava was in the camp. Periyava himself never spoke of such things.It is after all one soul that pervades all existence. Periyava holds all existence within him. He is that all-pervasive consciousness. That is why he knows everything happening everywhere. Agaesan’s brother in law had died in that great plane crash into the Atlantic. The family would get the news only late. Periyava sent word to Agaesan when he reached the camp to return home at once, where the news was received later in the evening. Meanwhile Periyava wanted mokṣa dīpaṃ to be lit74 for all those who died in the crash. The newspapers reported it the next day. If a devotee’s mother or father was on the verge of passing away, then Periyava would pack off the person home, no matter how much he pleaded to stay back in Periyava’s presence. Only later would he know why he was sent back. One evening, in Kumbakonam when Periyava sat down to japa75 in the rear portion of the Matha, I went place an oil-lamp on its wooden pedestal.we did not have electric lights then. No sooner did I enter into his presence, Periyava not accept her Lord giving room to another. When Śiva placed his head at her feet to appease her, she is said to have pushed him away with her foot. Thus the scar of the crescent moon on her foot. Further when Ambāḷ incarnated as Meenakshi, the Pandya princess, the celestials verified that it was indeed the Divine Mother playing on the swing as a child, by this identification mark. 73 Real name was Raphael Hurst (1898 –1981); a British seeker,and author of many books like A Search in Secret India (1934). was directed in 1930 to Ramana Maharishi by Periyava whom he saw in Kanchipuram. 74 lamps lit in the temple tower for the salvation of the dead 75 japa: inward chanting of the syllabic or mantra form of a deity; mouna japa is silent chanting without any outward sign; smasāna japa:japa done in the cremation ground; praṇava japa: japa of Om;Nāma japa: japa of the names of God; tārakanāma japa: chanting Rāma Nāma

30 In the Presence of the Divine picked up a small brass pot and flung it towards me. I ran back. A short while later, Viswanathaiyer, Senior Mnager went there and Periyava told him, “Send Thiagu home, his grandmaother is dying.” I left at once and my grandmaother passedaway at nine o’ clock at night. When Periyava left the Matha, Sivan Saar was happy that Periyava could rest and sleep. Periyava never had sleep, never any rest when he was in the Matha. As far he was concerned it was ‘Do or Die’. Periyava often said that if one took up a responsibility then one had to execute it perfectly. There was once an attempt to murder me. I was just returning to the Matha, when suddenly Rajendiran, the Head of the workers at the Matha, suddenly shouted out to me, “Swami, lower you head!” I did and by a split second missed the long and sharp scythe that would have sliced off my head and sent it flying. No sooner did I prostrate, Periyava said, “ Such a long scythe” stretching out his arm, “ and it was meant to slice off your head like this” he added sweeping an imaginary weapon in his hand. He is everywhere, because he is one all pervasive. I was once sent out on an errand. Periyava said, “Don’t come back fasting because it is ekādaśi. Appukutty’s wife –she knew South Arcot recipes- makes excellent adai. Have some and then come back.” When I went to their house in the course of the work, the lady said, “Don’t leave in a hurry Thiagu, I will make you some adai.” My wife was also born under the star Anuṣa, so she too was blessed with Periyava’s graceful habit of hospitality. She was a fine cook and even when I happened to be away she never turned away a guest without a meal. Jayendra Swami once suffered from sever chest congestion. My wife made a decoction of herbs and medicines and it cured him. Mudikondan Seenu, Sesahaih Śāstri and Natarajaiyer came home. I had escorted Periyava to Tiruvarur camp. My wife told them to bathe in the Caveri and come back for a meal. By eleven she served them a meal and also packed some rice-uppuma for Natarajaiyer for his journey via Vriddhachalam. When they came to Tiruvarur to see Periyava, he asked,” How did you manage the vaisuvādevam?”76 The trio said that my wife had served them a meal. “Why! The girl is born in the same star as mine. You must be fortunate to eat her cooking. The rice-uppuma she makes is not like the one made here. It is delicious. Did she pack some for your journey also?”

76

also called bhūtayajña; one of the five great sacrifices or pañca-mahãyajñãs; one of the samskarās or religious duties of offering food to all creatures of the world; done to expiate for the sins committed unwittingly; In this context food is prepared by the wife of the householder for the ãthiti See Śri Periyavāḷ on vaisuvādeva in HD, Parts 22, Chap 8; Also see descriptive index of HD p 821.

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Godavari Sitarama Śāstri Gundulu came to our camp in a small village in Maharashtra, after visiting Durgapur, Bombay and so on past midnight. We were huddled around a small hurricane light in an orange garden. Its owner had put up a hand pump as a makeshift arrangement for our use. We had no other facilities. Both Vedapuri and Srikantan had said that they did not want to eat anything and fallen asleep. The next day was vapana pourṇima, and we were to start for Sholapur. Suddenly Periyava said “Sitarama Śāstri is coming with others to see me. They must be famished with the day’s fasting. Make some uppuma. I always had a kilo or so of broken wheat-grain. I could hardly open my eyes. Somehow I put three stones together, made a fire, put a deep vessel on the stove, seasoned generously with whatever I could lay my hands on and emptied all the rava, added salt and water and cooked it. I was amazed to see the vessel half-full and wondered how just one kilo of rava made so much uppuma. At about 12.30, a van arrived and the gentlemen came eagerly to see Periyava. Periyava insisted that they eat first. I served them the uppuma along with some spiced buttermilk which I had readied. When he gave them prasāda, Periyava asked them, “Did you eat something? What did Thiagu serve you?” Sitarama Śāstri’s grandson said that he had never eaten such tasty pongal. Another said that it was sojji that was served with plenty of cashew nuts and another said that it was the best ever uppuma that he had eaten! The next morning we got ready to start. The Government had given escort police as a mark of honour whenever Periyava walked from one place to another in Maharashrtra.Periyav said. “Why don’t you serve these Special Police some of that uppuma. They are hungry and have not eaten anything last night.” I wondered how I could scrape the leftovers which had been left uncovered the whole night. ‘What if a dog had sniffed at it or eaten of it’ I wondered. Not daring to reply I went and looked at the vessel and was stunned to see it half-full again, with fresh uppuma, just as it had been when I had cooked it! It was enough that Periyava said “serve them” and the vessel was filled once more. Those Policeman walked with us to Sholapur and would not go away back to their office. They wanted to give up their jobs and join the camp, walking behind Periyava. “Nothing doing” said Periyava, “Go back to your jobs and home.” They were finally sent away. The camp was at Melur and it was Narasimha Jayanti77 then. Spiced jaggery juicepānkam - and flavoured buttermilk were ready and filled in large vessels. The other item that are traditionally offered is vadaparuppu78 and mixed with pieces of cucumber. It was the height of summer. Nagarajan, son of Sivan Sir’s maternal uncle at Ichangudi was Manager at the 77

lit. victory; A saint or an incarnation’s day of birth; when the star Swati is in ascendance in the month of Vaiśākh (April-May), the manifestation of Narasimha is celebrated at sunset. This precedes Periyava’s Jayanti which falls on Anuṣa or Anurādha star. 78 soaked and softened broken green gram spiced with small pieces of ginger and green chillies

32 In the Presence of the Divine Matha. He was always very tightfisted and would try to economise as much as possible, so much so that if a certain thing costed ten rupees, he would try to get it for two rupees. I always believed that one must buy what one wants and not economise too much Anyway, there was no cucumber. It was the height of summer and no sign of the vegetable anywhere, not even one. I told the cook, “We have to make do with what there is. Never mind . . . spice the soaked lentils with chopped ginger and green chillies!” “It would be good if we can get at least one small, tender one” said Nagarajan. “There are none at all anywhere, leave alone the small and tender ones” I said. Meanwhile Periyava came and when he took a look at the offerings that had been readied, he asked me in Sanskrit “No cucumber?”(“Urvāragam nāsti?”) Once the pūja commenced or once Periyava entered the pūjakattu he eschewed speech. “None is available” I said. “What is that? None available! Has the world come to an end? Ready the cart and go out to get cucumber. The deevatti salaam79 can go on now! “There is still some time for sunset”. So the Matha’s cart was readied, and I set out. I told Ramasami the cart-man, “See how fast you can race! We need to get back with cucumber ! Look out for it on the way!” We set off at top speed on the road to Kumbakonam. Barely five minutes went by and we had just crossed Tirunilakudi when a peasant woman, very dark in complexion put out her hand to stop the cart, wanting to cross the road. The cart slowed down. The woman carried a basket piled with fresh cucumber just plucked from the garden upon her head. The cart halted. “Sir, do you want cucumber?” I gaped, hardly able to believe my eyes. “How much?” I asked her recovering my composure. “Whatever you wish to give!” “Five rupees?” She agreed and the basket was brought down and the contents emptied into the cart. In the market I would have had to pay ten rupees such fresh cucumber and that too a basket load of it. I paid her five rupees, the cart turned around and we raced back to Melur. We were in back in exactly ten minutes. “So you got the cucumber?” Periyava asked and added “Oh, the cucumber was brought to you! How much did you give the lady who stopped your cart?” Asst go out dusk summer stops us I said “Five rupees,” and Periyava said “Why, each cucumber deserves to be bought for a rupee!” That was true. I could have given ten rupees only. ‘Who was that peasant woman who stopped the cart on the highway at sunset time, and offered me a basket full of cucumber in the middle of summer?’ I could fathom nothing of it all. Such extraordinary events happened.

79

Votive offerings in the evening to the accompaniment of instruments; closure of the day’s account in the Matha submitted in Periyava’s presence to Candramoulīśvara.

33 Volume II- Article No 1/Ugranam Thiagu Thatha

There were times when Ambāḷ herself came to the pūja, would come and ask for saree from Periyava and take it away. It happened during the camp in Tiruvidaimarudur.if Periyava stayed in one place too long, then the daily crowd would thin out. Devotees from other places would come, not so much the local devotees. The pūja was going on. It was about eleven in the morning. A woman who seemed deranged stood at the entrance, facing the pūja, laughing in a crazed fashion. The watchman on duty chased her away but she would not leave. The Manager tried, again she would not leave. Even as he was performing the pūja, Periyava shot a glance at Ramachandraiyer for just a fraction of a moment from the corner of his eye. Ramachandraiyer sent for me. I went there at once. The woman’s saree was in tatters on one side. Immediately guessing that Periyava wanted to give a saree to the woman, I rushed to the store, took out a new saree, brought it to the pūja kattu and placed it near Periyava. Periyava took it and flung it towards the crazed woman. She picked it up and grinning and laughing ran to the coconut grove nearby, wore it, and throwing the old, torn saree on the ground began walking away towards the canal, beyond the fencing. Manickam who served in the Matha followed her to call her back and tell her to take away the old one. He later said, “I thought she was a gypsy and when she went away leaving the old saree in the coconut grove, I wanted her to remove it because I could allow it to be thrown there. What if the Master came that way? But she went behind the fence on the bank of the canal and then just vanished! She was nowhere to be seen. Nor is the saree which she removed to be seen. It has vanished too. There is something in this. Only the Master would know. Later Periyava called Ramachandraiyer and said “Ramachandraiyer, the silk cloth you had kept in the pūjakattu to be use for Ambāḷ was moth-eaten and had a hole in it. You must take care that the cloth is not torn or moth-eaten. It is enjoined that the house-holder must not wear a torn and darned dhoti. What then about Ambāḷ? So Ambal came and demanded a new saree. Thiagu would say you have incurred an expense of fifteen rupees for the Matha because of your carelessness, which you could have avoided had you been cautious. Take care henceforth!” A variety of silk known as ahimsa silk was used in the Matha, silk made from silk worm that died naturally and not put to death for the sake of making silk. From that day onwards, Ramachandraiyer would examine the cloth for the pūjakattu a dozen times, very closely and carefully, before he placed it there. He was like Nandikeśwara80, so loyal and dedicated. Periyava would perform pūja to his heart’s content. Keep as many baskets piled with flowers as you can, it would all be offered in worship. Pile the place with sandal paste and silk and ornaments, it would all be used to decorate the Divine Mother. Those sitting on the other side of the curtain would wait impatiently for the bell to ring. You could take a trip around Madras and come back in time to get the prasāda. Mahratta Swami often told us, “Parameswara has taken this incarnation just to adore the Divine Mother. Siva got all his powers by worshipping Ambāḷ, and now Parameswara is adoring the Divine Mother.” The pūja would 80

Śiva’s mount, considered chief of the Yogis.

34 In the Presence of the Divine come to an end only when Periyava felt contented. Sometimes if it took very long we would slowly part the curtain and look. We would see Periyava weeping in bliss and knocking his forehead on the swing. He would shed tears of joy, and we would see his lips moving in an inaudible manner as if he were talking to someone. In fact, we would keep a small handloom towel there for him to wipe his tears. One day I got a shot on my face for peeping like this. The Tiruppāvai-Tiruvempāvai Conference81 which Periyava conducted concluded at midnight. After that Periyava took his purificatory bath and did the pourṇami pūja since it was a full-moon night. The pūja went on and on. The curtain remained closed. Only two or three devotees were there. Everyone else had left. It was about two in the night. I struggled to keep my eyes open. There was no sign of the bell ringing. The night-guard on watch rang the hourly bell twice and left to change guard.Slowly, very cautiously, I parted the curtain, may be just a finger’s space, and peeped. The water in one of the small golden cups was thrown exactly on my eyes with the force of a whiplash, although Periyava did not turn around and aim at my face as he did so. Everything happened in a flash, I lost my eyesight in both eyes but not before I saw a small girl-child, a little more than an infant - may be less than two years of age - seated on the swing with her legs hanging down and Periyava holding her tiny feet. It was the Divine Mother seated on the swing. I had lost my vision. I groped around blindly that night and the next day, my head hanging down. I avoided meeting anyone and did not saying a word to anyone. Everyone in the Matha said “What is it Thiagu? You don’t seem well!” I did not tell anyone that I could not see anything. At two o’ clock in the afternoon, Periyava sent for me. I went and prostrated to him. Periyava gave me two grapes and asked “Can you see me?” I looked up and just as I had lost my vision in a flesh, I got it back and could see Periyava. “Is this the way to do pūja?’” I asked. Later after I got married Periyava directed a great Śri Vidya upāsaka82, a descendant of the Haradatta83 lineage to initiate me into Śri Vidya worship. I was in Madavilagam then. I knew nothing of all this and asked if I had to chant mantras. Before he passed away my Śri Vidya Guru initiated me into Ṣodaśi84, which is never given to practionners, except in rare cases. Periyava 81

Tiruppāvai-Tiruvempāvai: collects of 30 verses and 20 verses celebrating esoteric union with Śri Narayaṇa and Śiva by the saints Āndal and Māṇickavācakar respectively. It was Periyava who brought out these two texts to the public making available its singing, set to music. For eight days from 25-12-1950, the Tiruppāvai, Thiruvempāvai and Tirumurai conference was organized in Tiruvidaimarudur on Periyava’s suggestion to promote the singing of these texts and to create an awareness about them. On the last day Sattur Subramaniam and Ariyakudi Ramanuja Ayyangar sang the Tiruvempāvai & Tiruvacakam and Tiruppāvai respectively, having set it to appropriate ragas and having prepared the notations themselves, at Periyava’s behest. For more details see Pujyasri Maha Swamigal Varalaru (Tamil) by Sri Sambhamurthi Sastrigal, Sri Kuppuswami Iyer& P.N. Parasuraman and pub;ished by Alliance Publishers, Mds, Vol 2. 82 A worshipper of the Divine Mother through the practice of Śri Vidya. 83 A great worshipper of Śiva & practionner of Śri Vidya; a shrine is dedicated to him at Kanjanur Agneeswara temple in Tanjavur district. 84 The highest stage of Śri Vidya, rarely initiated to aspirants; its mantra known as Mahāṣoḍaśī has twenty eight seed

35 Volume II- Article No 1/Ugranam Thiagu Thatha was near Chitoor, prior to returning to Tamil Nadu after initiating Bāla Periyava85 into asceticism. I went for darśan. “So . . . your guru has given you what is not at all given to anyone!” said Periyava. “ Your grandfather of the fourth generation preceding did Ṣodaśi worship and that is why it has returned to you now.” About four or five years ago, Periyava asked me in a dream why there was no place for him in my house. That is when this photograph was framed and put up. A week before my wife passed away, this was some year ago, she had dream. The place was Melattur, near Thanjavur where we had both gone for darśan decades ago when Periyava camped there. She saw the same scene again -Periyava seated in his mena on the banks of the Vettaru. He beckoned her towards him and signalled to me to stay away. In the morning she told me about it. A little later that morning at about ten O’ clock when we had both finished our meal, Balakrishnan came with a picture that another friend had told him to hand over to us. It was a picture of Periyava seated in the mena on the river-bank, just as my wife had seen in her dream and just as we had seen him together so many years ago in Melattur. My wife said, “Look at this picture, just as I described. You did not believe me then!” Periyava once asked me in a dream ‘Is there place only for you in this house? Not for me?’ So that is how I got this big picture framed and hung up. This happened on prathama, the first day of the waxing fortnight. Eight days later on navami, the ninth day, she passed away. When the mind is still the breath is paused, this is kumbhaka86 in yoga. Each kumbhaka adds a year to your life. The best thing to do is to think of Periyava. Devotees would pray that Periyava live for 200 years. “Why must I ?” Periyava would ask. “Do I not have limbs like you do or did not my parents give me birth even as yours did you? How long must I listen to all this?” My wife and I went for darśan in the first week of January before Periyava attained 87 siddhi . Periyava said “This is your last darśan.” That was our third visit that month, that is that Tamil month of Marghzhi. So we thought Periyava meant that, since we regularly made three trips to him every month. Balu who was serving Periyava said that Periyava was coughing incessantly and that the doctor was worried. When Balu went out for something, Periyava looked up and touching his throat gestured as if to say, Its nothing. I am fine. Go home.” As soon as Balu returned, Periyava dropped his head on his chest once more and assumed a former posture. Eight days later we understood what Periyava had meant by the words “This is your last darśan.”

syllables, excluding the first praṇava (the primordial AUM) lit. child elder; a term used for Śri Śankara VijayendraSarasvati 86 Kumbha is pot and the body is suffused with the vital air that is unmoving 87 siddhi; lit. fruition, refers to a saint’s merger with the divine 85

36 In the Presence of the Divine That day I was in Tiruchi and my brother was conducting Radha Kalyanam88 but I had been seized with a bout of shivering at mid-day and felt restless. When I got the news I wanted to reach Kanchipuram, but how could I. A lorry driver spotted me on the road and stopping of hisown accord, said that he was going to Chengelpet and offered to give me a lift for three rupees. He never took the money. I reached Chengelpet by four the next day, Kanchipuram by six and the Matha by nine o’ clock. Periyava’s grace is always there. Don’t ask for anything except to see him often. Nothing saves one like devotion to the Guru. It can make you roll a mountain like Anjaneya and fill you with a unique bliss. We once had to catch a train for Sankara Iyer, which left Egmore at seven in the evening. Periyava told him to board it at Villupuram. We left Poonamalle and in just an hour and a half reached Villupuram, God knows how! Close your eyes and think of him and he will play on your lap like a child. Memory is what matters, memory of him, always. ******************************************************************************

88

Lit. Radha’s wedding; The celebration of the union of Radha and Krishna through the singing of Saint Jayadeva’s 22 (out of the 24) Aṣtapadi hymns that describe the mystic merger of the individual soul with the Lord symbolized through Radha and Krishna respectively; the music is intended as congregational singing co-opted into set structures and formalized in classical tunes; often held in houses as a preface to events such as weddings.