How To Make Her Want You
The Easiest Way to Seduce Women and Become the Man You Deserve to Be
by Benjamin Schwarz
Copyright © 2016 by Benjamin Schwarz All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator,” at the email address below. Benjamin Schwarz
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Table of Contents Introduction .......................................................... 5 1.) What Women Find Attractive .............. 10 2.) The Attractive Attitude ........................... 16 3.) The Attractive Behavior ......................... 24 4.) The Attractive Talk ................................... 33 5.) Experience ................................................... 45 What’s Next? ...................................................... 51
Introduction
Have you ever wanted to attract beautiful women? Hi, my name is Benjamin and I can relate. It all started when I was a young boy in elementary school. Once I liked a girl, she got to know about it, she rejected and I was the center of all the jokes in class for the next 2 weeks. Today this little incident seems unimportant. But back then it wasn’t. It is a perfect example of how a small incident can influence the whole rest of our lives. I wasn’t able to speak to women anymore. I was afraid of them. I was afraid to approach them. I was afraid to talk to them and I was even afraid to like them. This fear shaped me through my whole puberty and my adolescence. Although I had the desire to love someone and to have sex with girls I just didn’t have the strength to talk to women. Women wouldn’t even recognize me as man. They would just see me as the nice guy. I was smart, I wasn’t even too bad looking but still, girls wouldn’t consider me as potential partner. I followed all the advice of my mom and what I have seen in movies. I would make compliments to girls, surprise them, “read their wishes from their eyes” but still my success was zero. Whereas all the other guys around me who behaved like assholes always seemed to get the girls. Life was unfair. I wanted a relationship, I wanted love and sex so badly but I just couldn’t figure out the way how to get it. I overcame this problem when realized I needed help. I researched and read books about how to get girls. This
way I made contact with the seduction community. That is a community that almost makes it a sport to talk women into bed. I stumbled over hundreds of methods taught by various “pick up artists” and tried to apply them to women, just to see me fail again. I tried the smartest pickup lines I could find. But none of them seemed to work. I tried the so called “peacocking” where you’d dress up like an idiot in order to stand out of the crowd. But I just felt weird and women would still walk on. Most of the stuff that the seduction community taught me only brought me limited success. I finally found a girlfriend but she was emotionally abusive. She played with me and took advantage of me like I was nothing but a toy until she dumped me some months later. The worst moment was when I romantically drew a heart with our names in it on a gravel path and she demonstratively stepped on it. Sexless years later, I had a second girlfriend but she wasn’t really my type. I was actually disgusted by her and I just stayed together with her because I didn’t want to give up the sex. I feel ashamed today thinking back to that time. The years passed by. It wasn’t until I finally found one book which made the difference. It was a German book called “Frauenheld” by Mathew Lovel. I finally learnt it is not WHAT I’m saying to girls but HOW I deliver the message which makes me attractive to women.
From that point on I built my attractiveness each day. I started to be more attractive. I started to naturally and effortlessly connect with women and the conversations with them started to flow. Before I even noticed I’ve had the biggest success in my love life. What was that? Well, I think what most of us want is not becoming the next Casanova. I admit, it would be pretty darn cool. But at the end of the day, I think what we want is to find a high-class woman that we enjoy spending time with. A woman with whom it would be a pleasure to spend the rest of our life with, maybe even start a family with. So many pick-up artists are actually hollow inside. They try and fail to fill the emptiness inside with meaningless sex. For example, last Christmas, I saw a post from one of the greatest Pick-up artists in the world Erik von Markovik alias “Mystery”. I felt pity for him. He asked if anybody wants to meet up. It was Christmas Day and he was feeling lonely. He confessed that he just wants somebody who can stand him. I don’t know about you, but I never want that to happen in my life. So what I consider the biggest success in my love life was that I was ready to welcome a woman in my life who I want to spend my life with. This success happened just a few months after I put my hands on the advice I am about to give to you.
In this guide I’m going to show you how I did it and how you can too. I’m going to do that by showing you what women find attractive, how to adopt an attractive attitude, how to behave attractively, how to talk in an attractive way, and finally how to take the step to ultimate attractiveness through experience. By the time you finish this guide you’ll have everything you need. Let’s get started with what women find attractive.
1.) What Women Find Attractive
In this chapter we’re talking about what women actually find attractive. The things you need to focus on are Basic hygiene, Understanding how the brain of a woman works, Authenticity, Strength, Social behavior and Fun. This is important to the entire process because there are so many myths and misconceptions out there about what women find attractive. The movie-industry, society and a rather female-oriented education system has given you a wrong image. No wonder that many men are confused about what’s attractive to women and what not. In this chapter, we are going to clear your head. I will show you in a simple and understandable way, what women actually find attractive. The first thing we need to focus on is basic hygiene. I actually shouldn’t need to say this but just that we’re on the same level. It is not fun to talk or interact with a stinking, dirty guy. So don’t be that guy. Shower, put on clean clothes, brush your teeth, put on a little bit of perfume and you’re ready to go. Simply take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself shows that you like yourself. Just after that is clear we can start talking about attractiveness. What is attractiveness? Attractiveness in our case means arousing sexual female interest in you. In order to
understand how to arouse sexual female interest we need to understand how the female brain works. As modern as we think we are, our brains are pretty, pretty old. The archaic human brain 10,000 years ago is the same brain that’s now in our head. The archaic brain has two basic desires: to survive and to reproduce. Surely, the brain of a man works differently than from a woman. Both have 2 different bodies and different “functions” in nature (men hunt, women raise children). Also, both have different strategies to survive and to reproduce. A woman back then knew she would have to find a man that is strong enough and is able to provide for her and the future children. That was more important than to reproduce with a man who had the best genes. A strong and capable men was therefore more attractive than a good-looking man. A handsome man with good genes would have been nice for a night but for a long term relationship the woman was more attracted to the strongest man. Thanks to evolution the female brain became an incredible machine in finding out who is the strongest man and who is just playing strong. The female brain is a strength and authenticity checker. So what do women find attractive nowadays? Be aware that every woman is different. I can only tell you which attributes are generally the most attractive to women.
A man who is strong, authentic, socially skilled and smart is most attractive to women. Let’s go further into these points. Strength can be divided into bodily strength and mental strength. Bodily strength is easy to detect. Does the guy have muscles? Is he tall? Is he skilled with his hands or clumsy as hell? Mental strength is a little bit harder to assess. A mentally strong man is determined and capable to overcome his fears. That’s why women want men to take the first step and approach them. A woman wants to see if you have the courage to walk up to her and start a conversation. She knows it is not easy. You are placing yourself in a situation where you are exposed to others and where you can be rejected. But that is the deal. You have to prove to her that you are strong enough to do this. It is a test to separate the strong from the weak. Also self-confidence can be accounted to strength. Self-confidence is the result of past successes. The more self-confident you are, the stronger you must be according to female logic. That might be a reason why the stupid guys who never doubt themselves seem to have more success than the smarter ones who question themselves a lot and therefore have more troubles building self-confidence. So a woman is attracted to strength. Faking strength is easy though. Therefore, the second most important component of attractiveness is authenticity.
Authenticity means you present yourself the way you really are. Be honest. Women are very, very good in detecting lies. As said, the female brain is an authenticity checker. High-class women are NOT attracted to guys who have to hide their true identity behind lies and fakes. Later on you’ll learn how you can be truly authentic. Another important point of attractiveness is your social skills. Back in the day, not only the strongest and smartest men where the leaders of the tribe. But the men who got along well with the other tribe members. Good social skills ensured that a man (and his woman) would have a place in the tribe which was crucial for survival. Your social skills are revealed by how many people you know. How do these people react to you? Are they happy to meet you? Do you get along well with people? How do you treat people? Are you treating them well or are you a complete a**hole? Women naturally scan your social situation all around the clock. And finally we get to focus on smartness. Ever heard that women want a humorous man? The reason for this is, humor is a proof of smartness. Only really smart people are able to make hilarious jokes. And on top of that, it’s just so nice to be around a person who is fun and spontaneous. If a woman has a good time with you,
she loves to be around you…and that is basically attractiveness. In this chapter we learned What women find attractive by learning basic hygiene, how her brain works, the importance of strength, authenticity, social skills and fun. In the next chapter we’ll be covering how to adopt an attitude that radiates this attractiveness.
2.) The Attractive Attitude
In the last chapter we covered what women find attractive. It is important to understand women and how their brain works. This way we know where we can improve our attractiveness. Now that you know that we can start to focus on how to become attractive first through an attractive attitude. The things you need to focus on are to accept your sexuality, the belief that you are the price, NonNeediness, Outcome Independence, Self-confidence and How to deal with setbacks. This is important to the entire process because your attitude is the foundation of your attractiveness. If there is no attractiveness IN you, you can’t demonstrate attractiveness on the outside. It all starts in your head. The first thing we need to focus on is to accept ourselves and our sexuality. Accepting yourself shows that you are strong. You can’t radiate strength or build up more strength if you don’t like yourself and if you don’t accept who you are. You are a man, accept that! You want sex, accept that! Your eyes naturally drift to the boobs of girls, accept that…and don’t apologize for it. “You are just thinking of sex”, women love to say. I usually answer “sure, why not!” Only a weak man would deny his own sexuality. Of course there are certain limits. Never do anything where there is no mutual consent. That is a no go. But within yourself accept that you are a man with his inherent sexual desires.
Once we finish with that we will focus on one belief you have to adopt. This is the belief: “I am the price”. A woman is not more worth than you. Usually when men see a beautiful woman they behave differently. Suddenly, they find every joke of her soooo funny and everything she says is soooo interesting. They put her on a pedestal. That is a mistake. Nobody belongs on a pedestal. Just imagine if you were that woman. How attractive would a foreign guy be who adores you so much? Who would do everything for you right away without even knowing you? Not very much. You’d probably focus on getting a more attractive man, who is harder to get. If you failed, you could still come back, right? So don’t be the easy-to-get guy. Rather be the attractive man. You are the price. You do women a favor with your presence. You spending time with her is a gift. Once we adopted that belief we focus on non-neediness. What does neediness mean? Neediness means that you need a person. Nobody wants to be around a person that needs you. We all know those clingy people who try to make a conversation with you on a party. And even though the conversation wasn’t good they stick around you. You feel uncomfortable and just want to get rid of that person.
Neediness is an attraction-killer for men and for women. Be non-needy. You also have all reasons to be non-needy. Let’s face it. There are more than three billion women on this world. There is not only one “special woman” out there. There are at least hundreds if not thousands of women who would fit to you very, very well. So why should you need one woman? Why should you need that one woman on that special party right now? Now, don’t exaggerate with non-neediness and never talk to a woman again. That is stupid and not non-needy. Remember, you have to prove that you are strong and “man” enough to stand in front of a foreign woman and start a conversation. What helped me a lot to find the right balance between non-neediness and still approaching women was this sentence in my head: “I don’t need you, but I want you.” Hand in hand with non-neediness goes outcome independence. Outcome independence means that you don’t care what will happen, especially when approaching women. Be outcome independent. Approach a girl and don’t care what she thinks about you or if she rejects you. It doesn’t matter. Outcome independence gives you the freedom in your head to start a spontaneous and flowing conversation. That is where most of the seduction community goes
wrong. They focus too much on their special technique or method and forget that every situation and every woman is different. No technique or method is adequate to account for this. They try to get their method through and therefore they are NOT authentic and they can’t really manage to get a flowing conversation. Therefore, most of the guys in the seduction community fail to be attractive to a high-class woman. If you rather focus on outcome independence instead of some seduction technique, your head will be free enough to start a real conversation. That is authentic and that will make you more attractive. But not only will outcome independence make you more authentic, it also takes away most of your fear to approach a woman. You simply don’t care anymore if she rejects you or not. You don’t need her; you are just here to have fun. She doesn’t want to join your fun? Cool. You’re gonna have fun with the next lady. Outcome independence is very powerful. You’ll learn later on how you can implement outcome independence in your life. Once you understand that, we can talk about selfconfidence. As said above, self-confidence is a result of past successes. It is your inner baseline of how strong you are. Usually we have a really negative image about how good we actually are. Therefore, we have low selfconfidence. To counterattack this negative bias, I suggest you to do one exercise. I personally do it every day.
Write down your successes of the day, no matter how small they appear to be. Five little, simple things are enough to boost your self-confidence over time. Things like “I learnt 20 minutes Portuguese” or “I could do 2 more push-ups during workout last night”. These are only small successes but they add up to big ones. By noting down even the small success you will start to perceive yourself as powerful. This is how you can foster your self-confidence. If you don’t want to commit to such a habit (yet) there is an alternative: Note down 100 things that you have achieved in your life. These things don’t have to be big things either. Your school degree, getting your driver’s license, mowing the lawn once for someone are all achievements you could note down. From these 100 achievements pick out the 10 biggest successes and celebrate them! This way, too, you can set your self-image right and see how good you actually are. And finally we get to focus on how to deal with setbacks. Be aware that you will have setbacks in your love life. No matter what some pick-up coaches want to tell you. Over time you will be rejected by some women. There will always be setbacks in your life. The question is, how you react to them. When you fail, stand up again and keep pushing. It’s basically the only way how you can be successful in this life. So instead of avoiding problematic situations where
we could fail, we should learn how to deal with setbacks. One important insight is that you will get your hits in the face no matter what you do and no matter which technique you will use. You will get your ass kicked. That’s the price you have to pay to get excellent. That is the rule for everything in life especially in your love life. Wouldn’t it be smart then to get your asskicks and failures as fast as possible? So get out, talk to women and get done with your share of failures and rejections as fast as you can. To be able to stand the pain of all the failures, you first need to be gentle to yourself. There are days when you plan to talk to a beautiful woman but you just didn’t do it. That happens. Just recommit to it right away again. The reason why we must be gentle to ourselves is that we don’t want to start a vicious circle. If you start hating yourself for not fulfilling your expectation and bringing in successes, you will lose self-confidence which means you’ll lose attractiveness (which means you’ll be even less successful the next time and so on). Be gentle with yourself and especially in the beginning don’t expect any results. That’s also outcome independence ;). In this chapter we learned how to adopt an attractive attitude by learning to accept ourselves and our manly sexuality, the belief that you are the price and no woman is more worth than you, non-neediness, outcome independence, self-confidence and being gentle with yourself. In the
next chapter we’ll be covering how to demonstrate our attractive attitude through our behavior.
3.) The Attractive Behavior
In the last chapter we covered the attractive attitude. That is very important because attractiveness begins in your head. Now that you know that, we can start to focus on how to demonstrate this attractiveness through your behavior. Interestingly enough, demonstrating your attractiveness in your behavior also has an influence back on your attitude. For example, if we behave like a very strong man we subconsciously perceive ourselves as strong. The more we perceive ourselves as strong the “stronger” we behave again and so on and so forth. This is a positive feedback cycle. We can use this mechanism to push ourselves to the stratosphere of attractiveness. The principle “fake-it-tillyou-make-it” applies as well. Even if you don’t feel very strong and in control right now (remember both are very attractive attributes in a man) you can behave as if until you start feeling strong and in control. The things you need to focus on are your Facial Expression, Body Language, Unreactiveness, Leading and Eye-Contact. This is important to the entire process because our gestures and facial expressions determine to about 55% of the whole “message” we transmit. 38% of the total communication happens through our tone of voice and only 7% of the overall communication is made up by the content of the words.1 Therefore, HOW we say something is more important than WHAT.
Mehrabian, Albert (1981). Silent messages: Implicit communication of emotion and attitude. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth 1
The first thing we need to focus on is your facial expression. Do you know those Botox-people? Their faces don’t move much, no matter what they are saying or which emotions there currently facing. Nobody can really connect to such people. Nobody really gets engaged with them. Science has shown that smiling people are more attractive than people with no expression in their face. Your face is therefore a really great tool to build your attractiveness. Use as many muscles in your face as you can during a conversation. Especially the ones for laughing and smiling. Laugh with the people around you. Smile when you say hi. It’ll make you attractive. Once we finish with that we will focus on body language. The attractive body language is the body language of a leader. Why is that? Remember, the archaic programs in the brain of a women draw her to the men that could provide best for her and the future kids. Who could provide better than the leader of the tribe! Want some examples of leader-body language? Take a look at Khal Drogo in “Game of Thrones” or even better Leonidas in “300” (because Leonidas at least smiled once or twice). A leader stands upright but relaxed, his shoulders are relaxed, arms hanging down. A leader takes up lots of room. He takes his room when he walks, when he stands and when he sits. Let’s do a little exercise to get into the body language of a leader. Stand up and think of the greatest victory in
your life. What are you most proud of? Maybe you want to have a look at your list of your 10 greatest achievements again. When you have them I want you to stand and think of this victory for 1 minute. Did you notice something? Your breast and chin goes a little up. You can breathe freely. Your toes are pointing a little bit to the outside. You are upright but relaxed. That’s the position that is pretty much attractive. Now stroll around. Do you feel that you are walking pretty relaxed but head held high? Like you are enjoying life. Do you notice that little relaxed bounce in the way you walk? That’s it, bro! You nailed it. There’s another excise: Imagine your spine is a long water jet and on top of this water jet there’s a ball dancing. The ball is your head. Now, imagine that the ball is smoothly pushed up in the air as much as possible. Your body remains relaxed though. Stand and feel your body. Then slowly walk around. This exercise should have the same effects on you like before. Upright, relaxed, a little bounce while walking. Do you also notice how your feeling might have changed? You feel like you are in control, like you are strong. That’s exactly how you should feel. Remember this posture. Practice to walk around like this until it becomes natural.
Hand in hand with your body language goes unreactiveness. Unreactiveness means that your body language is basically slower than usual. The opposite of unreactive is nervous. Nervous people are not attractive. They radiate this kind of energy that’s making people feel uncomfortable. You probably have encountered such nervous people. Remember how it was. They talk too fast, they play with their fingers, nervously look around…If you could choose you’d rather spend your time with a person who is calm and seems to have everything under control, right? So be unreactive. It is actually pretty easy. From now on everything you do, you do it more slowly. When your phone rings just pick it up slower than usual. Pick your bottle of beer more slowly. And if there is a glass breaking in the club you just turn around more slowly…or maybe don’t look at all. That sets you apart from all the dudes that jump around like an alarmed baby deer to see what happened. With this behavior you seem to have everything under control. The archaic programs in the brain of a woman love this. If your actions are slower, your thinking slows down as well. You yourself will feel like you got everything under control. That helps a lot to mitigate the fear of approaching foreign women. Try it out! Once we finish with that we will focus on how to lead. The background is this:
The seduction community always talks about dominance. Just a dominant man is attractive they say. I agree…partly. A man should be able to go for what he wants. He should be determined enough to NOT be influenced by what other people want for/from him. He should be able to defend his position. In my eyes, this is enough dominance. What the seduction community proposes though is this: “Everyone has to do what you say. If they don’t obey, they should get lost. You don’t make compromises. You walk over people.” That pretty much sucks. With such an attitude you are making yourself a really obnoxious person. You may get a girl for a night with such an attitude. But you won’t keep her for long time. I can almost assure you that. At least for really high class women. My approach is this: I know what I would like to do, I know where the journey is going (into her bed) and I want to LEAD us both there. Leading doesn’t mean dominating (“go to bed with me or get lost, woman!”). Leading is rather making suggestions to get to do what you want. “Hey, I am thirsty. Let’s go to the bar and have a drink.” That is leading. “Hey, I would like to meet you again. Give me your number and I’ll call you.” That is leading, too.
Especially notice, when you lead you are the one who calls back and you don’t ask for anything but you give an order. Giving an order doesn’t need to be rude. Why not saying “please”? “Pass me the salt, please. [smile]” That is a friendly order which subconsciously demonstrates (attractive) strength. “Can you pass me the salt, please?” is a question and not an order. Although the content is basically the same the last sentence demonstrates not as much strength as the one before. A statement is always stronger than a question. Finally, we get to focus on Eye-Contact. Maintaining eyecontact was one of the most impactful “attractivenesstweaks” in my life. The eye is the portal to the soul. With your eyes alone you can communicate a lot. Eyes tell if a person is lying or telling the truth. Before the first kiss there’s usually an intense eye-contact. Eye-contact is basically the preliminary stage for sex. And eye-contact is the first point where so many guys go wrong: They look away. During the first eye-contact, if you look a woman in the eyes and look away first what does that mean? It means you cannot stand her strength. That means you are weaker than her. Why should a woman back in the day invest into you (by giving you the opportunity to reproduce) when she is actually stronger than you? It
doesn’t make sense for her. You are not helping her in the survival game. You’re rather lowering her chances for survival (as she would need to care FOR YOU). That’s why, you wouldn’t be attractive to her at all. From now on, you will look into a woman’s eyes and never look away first ever again. Say that out loud: “I will never look away first again”. This first eye-contact is crucial. The first 10 times it may not be too easy to stand such a “prolonged” (usually just one second longer) eyecontact. It’s kind of an uncomfortable situation. But, remember, you got to prove that you are a strong man. Maintaining the eye-contact is the first step to prove this. After a while it gets easier. And in the end, it will become your nature. Interestingly enough, the more often you win this “duel of the eyes” the stronger, the more self-confident and the more attractive you will feel. Oh, and don’t be afraid to smile . To not look away first also opens up the opportunity for you to see which girls are interested in you. As a rule of thumb, you could say that the girls that look down after your eye-contact are the girls that are interested in you. The girls that look to the side are indifferent to you and the ones that look up are not interested. Now, I am not saying that you should only approach the girls that are interested in you. On the other hand, it is a neat way to go for the ‘set deals’ in the beginning.
In general though, you are a strong man, bro. Go for the girls that YOU find interesting. No matter if they are already interested in you or not. You are outcome independent and non-needy, right? That gives you the freedom to choose! In this chapter we learned how to behave attractively by learning to put more emphasis on our facial expression, the manly body language, unreactiveness, leading and keeping the eye contact. In the next chapter we’ll be covering how to manifest our attractiveness during conversation.
4.) The Attractive Talk
In the last chapter we covered the attractive behavior. This is important because HOW you deliver a message is more important than the message itself. A woman has determined your attractiveness by a great part before you have said two sentences. Now that you know that we can start to focus on how to manifest attractiveness during a conversation. The things you need to focus on are How to Approach Women, How to never run out of topics, Your Voice, Flowery Language, Polarization, Building Trust and Coping with “Shit Tests”. This is important to the entire process because a high-class woman won’t jump into bed with you right away just because you radiate a high level of attractiveness. You have to build up and prove your attractiveness during a conversation with her. The first thing we need to focus on is how to approach a woman. Do you want to know the easiest pickup line in the world? “Hi!” That’s it. It doesn’t take more than a simple “hi” together with a broad and self-ironic smile to open a conversation with a woman.
The seduction community overcomplicates the whole issue of approaching women. The reason: they’re afraid. Going to a beautiful woman and starting a conversation with her is scary. We expose ourselves to the whole surrounding, we show that we’re interested in that woman and if she rejects us we’re the victim of the judgements of other people. That’s something all men including the majority of the seduction community are afraid of. It doesn’t even matter where this fear comes from. Some say it is a remnant of former times where the rejection of a person would lower our survival probability. What really matters, is how we cope with that fear. Because as we have covered already, you approaching the woman is her first test to see if you have the courage to stand your man and come talk to her. She doesn’t want to hear a dumb Pick-up Line; she wants to have a real conversation with a real man in front of her. There are no magic pills as some members of the seduction community wants you to believe. Let me tell you. You WILL be rejected from time to time no matter what you do. Accept that. You can’t expect a 100% success rate. That’s why we went over the attractive attitude first. If you are really non-needy and outcome independent, what does it matter if one woman doesn’t want to talk
with you? What does it matter what other people think? Nothing. Shrug and move on. Have fun with the next lady. That’s the attitude you must adopt. Apart from being non-needy and outcome independent what you could also do to avoid the fear of approaching is following the 3-seconds rule. Within the first 3 seconds after you spotted a woman, you walk up to her and say hi. That is a famous rule in the seduction community. I admit, it’s not a bad one. I never really followed it though. I coped with my fear in a different way: For example, on an event or in a club I looked around to see who is here. Of course, I never looked away first. When I saw an interesting woman and I decided to speak to her, my heart would beat faster and I got nervous. To calm myself down, I would just press my index finger against my thumb. This way I channeled my excess-energy. I also forced myself to breath more slowly and deeply. That would calm me down pretty well. Then I would say hi to that woman as soon as possible because fear builds up (and undermines your attractiveness) the longer you wait. That is my advice to you. Try to control your fear by breathing more slowly and deeply and pressing your index finger on your thumb. These are little tweaks that have a great impact. Always remember, you don’t need that woman (but you want her) and you don’t give a damn about what is
gonna happen. You just wanna have fun. Then nothing can go wrong. The next problem that most men face is what to talk about after you’ve opened the conversation. While there are lots of tips on small talk out there like ‘don’t talk about politics’, ‘don’t talk about religion’ etc. they don’t really help. Even worse is the approach to prepare scripts and learn them by heart. Don’t do that. Too much work, too little success. A real conversation lives on spontaneity. An attractive conversation flows, it’s fun and everyone feels comfortable. Any conversation rule would kill that. That’s another big misconception that some men in the seduction community have. They focus on perfecting conversation techniques with all its rules. Over the years they might get women into bed with it. However, you cannot keep a high-class woman only with a perfected technique and some canned stories. In my opinion, it is better and gives you results faster if you work on your ability to get a conversation flowing. You will stay way more authentic than with any technique. And remember, if a woman detects that you are not authentic (and she will) your attractiveness decreases rapidly. Do you want to know how to get a conversation flowing and never run out of topics again? Do this exercise:
A friend tells you a term or a word. For example, “birch tree” or “mattress” and you create a 1-minute story around this. It doesn’t matter if it’s a true story or a made-up story. The main thing is to tell a story that has a beginning, a body and an ending. I love to tell funny stories that happened in my life or that I have seen somewhere. But in this exercise it is about you. Tell any story you want. You can also do this exercise by yourself. Look around in the room you are currently in. The next thing you see is the item you build a story around. The purpose of this exercise is to increase your ability to make associations. You will know a question to ask a woman or a comment to say after you said hi. During a conversation so many possible stories will pop up in your head just because of the words that she was saying. When it is your “turn” to talk again you will always have something to talk about that is related to what she just said. This is the start of a flowing conversation. Oh and hey, don’t worry too much about what YOU could say. Let HER do most of the talking. She’ll appreciate it ;). Once we finish with that we will focus on your voice. There are three components of human conversation: Body language, voice and content. Body language is the most important one. 55% of all communication signals are emitted through your body. The next most
important communication component is your voice with a share of 38%. With your voice you can build up lots of attractiveness. In general, women like a deep, full manly voice. How do we get one? Actually your voice is just a result of your body language. As soon as your body is tense, your voice is tense and not as deep and full as it could be. By simply practicing the body language that we covered in the previous chapter your voice already becomes full and deep. A relaxed body swings together with your vocal chords. That’s why you get more resonance and a fuller, deeper and therefore more attractive voice. The second mistake guys with an unpleasant voice do is they talk in a nasal way. To avoid a nasal voice do this: Say a sentence. Now hold your nose and say the same sentence. Does it sound nasal? If it does repeat this exercise until both sentences, with and without closing your nose, sound the same. That’s your sweet spot where your voice most likely sounds best. Also, be careful about your intonation at the end of the sentence. Your voice should go down every time you end a sentence. That shows that you’re making a statement. Instead, when your voice goes up it indicates a question. Many people go up with their voice at the end of the sentence, even though it is actually not a question. That radiates weakness and not strength.
It feels like you are questioning what you are saying. So be careful and go down with your voice at the end of the sentence. Make statements. Once we finish with that we will focus on using a flowery language. Many men speak in a very factual way. The problem is: facts exclude emotions. However, being attracted to someone is an emotional reaction and not a logic decision. So actually you should have an emotional language to build up attractiveness. “Where do you work?” “What do you do for a living?” “Do you like it?” Those are all great questions and there is nothing wrong about asking them from time to time. But in terms of attractiveness you won’t get very far with them. Anybody can ask those questions. A language that triggers images and feelings is way more effective in creating affinity and raising your attractiveness. How to trigger images and feelings though your day-today language? Make it flowery! Use words like “amazing”, “breathtaking”, “stunning”, “brilliant” and all those other adjectives that include strong emotions. That’s an easy way to put life into what you are saying. Once we finish with that we will focus on Polarization. Polarization means having an opinion and standing up to it. Polarization means having such a strong or even extreme opinion about some things that it divides the
people around you. It divides the people into friends and foes. Into girls that find you interesting and girls that don’t. Be your most self. Polarize with your personality and you will stand out of the crowd. Polarize and the girls that stay in your vicinity are the ones definitely interested. These girls are also the ones that probably fit best to you in terms of character and thinking. The girls that go away would have been anyways a waste of time. Many men are afraid of polarization. They want to be liked by that one woman, so they agree with her no matter what she says. Not very attractive. Don’t be that guy. You have a clear opinion and you stand up to it. No matter what the woman thinks about it. She might only play to disagree just to see if you are really that strong and authentic. That brings us to the next point: Shit Tests. I love that scene from Spiderman where Peter Parker’s best friend tries to get together with Mary-Jane. It perfectly illustrates a “shit test”. M.J. says that spiders are so fascinating. He answers: “Yeah, me too.” Then, she says that she finds spiders disgusting. He answers: “Yeah, me too.” Two contradicting sentences to test if that dude is only trying to impress her (which he obviously was) or if he is really thinking that way. You should stand up to your opinion to remain authentic.
Testing your authenticity is one aspect of shit tests. The second aspect is to frame the situation in a way that says she is the price and you are just a little horndog who’s trying to get her. Shit tests are also an attempt to select between the guys who are strong enough to break her “frame” and the once who can’t. I bet you have already been subject to such a shit test. The classical one is: “You just wanna get me into bed, don’t you?” That sentence frames the woman as the price and therefore makes you inferior to her. For a truly weak man that’s kind of the end of the journey. As the strong and self-confident man, who you are by now, you cannot accept that frame. Demonstrate her that you are a strong and smart man. Reframe the situation so that you become the price again. Take her down from the pedestal she just put herself on. How can you do that? By saying…nothing. Most of the time that’s better than justifying yourself. Say nothing or simply shrug. That’s unreactiveness at its best. If you don’t react to her frame, the frame breaks. Another answer I like is to say in a very ironic way: “Yeah, yeah princess.” That brings her down from her pedestal.
Wanna see another shit test? Say, you have just met a woman, she barely seems to be interested and rather talks to other people. “Could you get me/us a drink?”. She wants to see if she can play with you like with all the other weak guys. What would you answer? “No princess, get it yourself. [smile]” or “I am not that kind of guy.” Maybe she won’t like it, but hey, who cares? Maybe she also looks very surprised at you. Maybe you have her full attention and maybe you have just earned her respect. The key-lesson about shit tests is: The woman isn’t necessarily opposed to you. In most of the cases, she actually finds you pretty much attractive. She just wants to be sure. That’s why she is almost automatically doing them. To test your strength and smartness even further. That is the game. And finally we get to focus on trust. You can be really attractive to a woman but she wouldn’t jump into bed with you, if she cannot trust you. Attractiveness is one part, but without trust you won’t reach anything substantial. A conversation is your chance to build up trust naturally. How to build up trust? First of all, be honest. Remember, women are authenticity testers. Sooner or later they will know if you are lying or not.
I don’t respect people that lie no matter for which reason, neither do high-class women. Being honest is also a sign of strength. It requires strength to be fully honest! Women love men that can afford to be honest and don’t need to hide behind lies. Second, talk to a woman as if you know each other since forever. That’s how her friends talk to her. If you talk with her in the same way she subconsciously will perceive you as trustful (like her friends). This way you can actually connect to anyone and build friendships pretty quickly. It is even better to talk to a woman as if you have had sex with her already. If that’s too hard to imagine, imagine that the sex is already a set deal and now you are just passing the time with her in the best and funniest way. This way you’ll behave naturally and authentic. That makes it easy to trust you. In this chapter we learned how to build your attractiveness in your talking by learning how to approach a woman, how to never run out of topics, to have a deep and full voice, to use flowery language, polarization, coping with shit tests and building trust. In the next chapter we’ll be covering how to become your most attractive self through experience.
5.) Experience
In the last chapter we covered the attractive talk. That was the final step in building up your attractiveness in front of women. Now that you know that we can start to focus on how to implement everything you’ve learned and gain the necessary experience. The two things you need to focus on are Social Calibration and The One Rule you have to follow. This is important to the entire process because experience will maintain and increase your attractiveness. Experience will make the difference for final success with women… The first thing we need to focus on is Social Calibration. Your attractive attitude, your attractive behavior and your attractive talking skills do not matter if you don’t go out there, use and refine them. That’s what social calibration is about: refining your attractiveness in the “heat” of real social interaction. Social calibration is something that can get lost pretty easily. I noticed that when I was studying. When I locked myself in for a week to study for an exam, I always talked so weirdly the first two days after I finally had human contact again. The conversations not only with women but also with my friends always seemed to be pretty rocky at first. It wouldn’t really flow. Maybe your work requires you to stay in a silent place not being disturbed by anyone. Then it is important to counterbalance this time of solitude with some social interaction. Get in a communicative mode every day and practice what you have learned.
How to get into the communicative mode and foster our attractiveness every day? At first, read over the attractive attitude again and do the exercises there if you haven’t already. Then, every time you remember it, practice your upright and room-taking body language. There is no real plan you need to follow. I think, if you practice that body language every time you think of it (it only takes about 3 seconds to change into that body language) it will become your second nature sooner or later. For your attractive voice, do the exercise where you hold your nose and try to find your sweet spot RIGHT NOW. Do it! Next time you speak with your family or friends practice to speak in that voice. It isn’t even unnatural to speak with such a voice. You just sound more relaxed and that is very pleasant for your family and friends. Practice your attitude and behavior any time you think of it until it becomes natural. That is the easy part. It requires a little more effort to gain experience in attractive talk. There it doesn’t help, bro. You gotta go out and get to talk to lots of (foreign) people. I’ll give you a plan for that. Exercise #1:
For the next 7 days, anytime you pay for something you will ask the paid person a random question. It doesn’t matter what you ask. Just ask a simple, non-binding question. If a conversation starts because of it, good! Take any chance to talk to people. This exercise gets you in a communicative mode in a very elegant way. You don’t have to be afraid of going towards a person and start a conversation from scratch. That person already has a reason to have a social interaction with you (the paying process). This way I already had great and funny conversations with some waitresses. My friends called it flirting. I called it having fun. Feel free to continue that exercise for as long as you want but do it at least for 7 days. After the 7 days of Exercise #1, continue with Exercise #2: Say hi to people randomly on the street. The goal is to say hi to 50 random people in one day. Smile at them. No need to say more than a simple hi. You may want to start with 10 in one day. You could add like 10 people every day until your reach 50. When I did this exercise the first time I started with 10 people a day. That was actually pretty weird, saying hi to 10 foreign people. They never replied. They just walked on or looked at me like I was an alien. But on the second day, after I said hi to 20 random people on the street, I noticed something crucial. I didn’t care anymore if people would say hi back or not. I didn’t care if some of them looked at me as if I was crazy. I knew I kind of
exposed myself to people but they couldn’t “hurt” me anymore. So I said hi to 30 more people that day because it was just so easy. Then I took my pencil and ticked this exercise off. Maybe you still don’t get why you should do this exercise. Let me be your Mr. Miyagi here and trust me, Daniel-San. This exercise is important because it desensitizes you for the fear of approaching people. It is for you to practice your outcome independence and non-neediness and EXPERIENCE the power of both of them. Trust me. It is a really cool feeling. After you mastered Exercise #2 and have said hi to 50 foreign people in one day, you are ready for Exercise #3: It’s now time to get you into talking to people. Start a conversation with 30 foreign people in one day, preferably women. Here too, start small. Reach a small daily goal and feel awesome at night instead of expecting too much too fast. Start with 1 foreign person a day. Talk to that person, have a good time. The next day you can go for 2 people, then 3 and someday 30. You don’t have to do this exercise every day. I personally like to chillax at home on Sundays where I barely talk to anyone. But try to finish this exercise in one month. That is doable if you jump from 10 people to 15 people in one day for example. Feel free to do it faster if you notice after the first week that it is going pretty well.
As soon as you are done with Exercise #3 you are ready. You are ready to continue practicing your attractiveness on your own. Practice, practice, practice. Continue in the way you want to. Take the advice that has worked for you and drop the one which hasn’t. Real attractiveness comes from talking to attractive women. Finally, here is my last advice for you. There is one rule you have to follow. The one rule is: there are no rules. Rules kill your spontaneity which in turn will kill a good conversation. Everything I’ve told you is nothing more but a guideline to higher attractiveness. Every woman is different. You will always have to adapt. What the one woman liked the other one might hate. I am far away from saying that these guidelines are everything you need to be attractive to any woman that is out there. That is simply impossible. Some will like you, some won’t. And it is good that way. In the last chapter we learned how to gain experience by getting to know some helpful exercises and rejecting all rules. In the next chapter we’ll talk about how to put it all together and what to do next.
What’s Next?
You’ve been on quite a journey in the last few pages of the book. We started by understanding what women really find attractive. Then we went through how to adopt an attractive attitude. From there we covered how to behave and talk in an attractive fashion, and finally we realized that everything is nothing if you don’t go out and get experience. By now you should have a very detailed knowledge of how to be attractive to women. The only thing left to do now is take action on what you just picked up. With everything we included inside (and all the tweaks and shortcuts) you should be able to start tomorrow and receive significantly more female attention within the next 30 days. I’ve armed you with everything you need but I can’t do the work for you. The rest is up to you.
One more thing: I want to hear your Success Story. Write me at
[email protected] and tell me your success story after using the information from this guide. I can’t wait to hear from you.
Benjamin Schwarz, Author
