How to be irresistible to Women - workbook

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DECISION POINT #1: WHAT IS MY IDENTITY?

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What are my goals?

GOAL: To find out what you would be, to decide what your objectives in life are, and be able to talk naturally and passionately about them. Your ULTIMATE goal is to get to the point when you can talk to women about your path and not care whether or not they join you. POWER RESOURCE: The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida In our first lesson, I want you to ask yourself, “What are my goals?” In any meeting with women, it is crucial that you establish yourself as a man with dreams, aspirations, and objectives. • • •

David Deida, the author of the fascinating book, “The Way of the Superior Man”, argues for choosing a “life purpose”. That means deciding on a direction for your life, and fusing everything you do into that direction.3 Living a life with purpose is SO much easier than a life without one

"Everything in your life, from your diet to your career, must be aligned with your purpose if you are to act with coherence and integrity in the world. If you know your purpose, your deepest desire, then the secret of success is to discipline your life so that you support your deepest purpose and minimize distractions and detours." -David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man •

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For example, if your goal is to become, say, a world-renown DJ, every aspect of your life should feed into that: your friends, your hobbies, your wardrobe, your job, what you read, where you go--everything should point towards music as a way of life for you. When you establish where you want your life to go, it becomes that much easier to get it there. Everything makes more sense, and you have a path that you are committed to. Girls LOVE to follow people on paths. As one relationship guru said, “When a guy is doing his own thing, or on his own path, and then he’s including others on it, it’s completely different when he’s trying to fit in or trying to be with other people on their paths.” Would you rather follow, or BE followed? I think you know the answer. Girls LOVE to follow guys who are successful around. Just ask any rock singer or businessman. When you have a deep-rooted purpose, you don't need women as much as they need you. YOU get your pick of women; they have to fight to earn you! -2-

Important questions to ask yourself include: What kind of career do I want? If you’re doing something you have absolutely no interest in, take the necessary steps to get out of it and into something you believe in and enjoy! You’ll do yourself and the company a favor. What kind of interests do I want to pursue? You can’t please everyone; you’ll never be into the same things as all the girls you meet. So decide what you really like: maybe it’s sports, you want to know everything there is to know about baseball or football; maybe it’s travel, you want to know everything you can get your hands on about foreign countries; maybe it’s even woodwork or some other trade, you want to be known as an expert in your field. Decide what your interests are, commit yourself to them, and be proud! What kind of friends fit into my path? What kind of people do NOT fit into my path? Decide who supports you and who it is that deters you from your path. There will always be guys and girls who try to disabuse you of your hobbies, tell you your interests are stupid and boring. But if your interests are something you believe in, you’re better off cutting the detractors from your life, than what moves you. Or at least limiting your presence around them. Where do I want to be in 10 years time? This is not only a good question to ask yourself, but to ask women. Don’t worry about your answer, but do be prepared that women will ask you something like this as a test. So it’s good to know what you want so you have a ready answer. In what country or city can I best achieve my goals? Sometimes the country or city you’re in now isn’t the best place to achieve what you want, or to find the people who will support you in it. I know several people who could not find happiness in their home country or town, so moved on to other places and found happiness they never knew possible. Oftentimes you just can’t find the right friends somewhere, so it’s time to move on. Don’t be afraid to give a new city or nation a shot. •

Once you have solid answers to these questions, it’s up to you to pursue them.

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Start by believing in yourself, and believing in your goals.

EXERCISE Write down 5 goals you would like to achieve over the next 5 years. Decide on one PURPOSE you have for your life. These goals should all work towards achieving your purpose. Write down 12 goals you would like to achieve in the next year. Make one for each months. Make a month-by-month checklist to see if you achieve your goals. -3-

Quote to End On: "Without a conscious life-purpose a man is totally lost, drifting, adapting to events rather than creating events. Without knowing his life-purpose a man lives a weakened, impotent existence, perhaps eventually becoming even sexually impotent, or prone to mechanical and disinterested sex." -David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man I guarantee you that when you present women with a man who knows what he wants, and is determined to get it, you won't have any problem meeting women. Right away, your attraction meter…has gone up! Recommended Reading The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida Secrets to Becoming the Alpha Male, by Carlos Xuma: Dating Dynamics: http://www.datingdynamics.com

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What are my interests and dislikes?

GOAL: To be able to talk, convincingly and comfortably, about your interests, and not let people deter you from what moves you. You will learn how to use your interests to make yourself more attractive to women. Here are some problems our Reservoir Dogs make: •

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Mr. Pink is too shy to talk about his interests. When he does discuss them with a girl, he talks feebly about them, like they’re “no big deal”. The problem, of course, is that when you treat your interests like no big deal, that’s what they become to a girl. Mr. White is so fascinated with finding Ms. Right that he tries too hard to impress her with his interests. He stumbles in his attempt to impress her, and ends up looking like a loser. Mr. “Oneitis” very much needs to learn better communication skills, so he can talk about his interests in a relaxed, confident manner. Mr. Brown knows his interests, and makes a point of discussing them, but does so in very boring ways. You know the guy: the one who goes into a big monologue about all the great things he does, without giving a girl to discuss what interests HER. He needs to learn to listen, and to speak more eloquently and persuasively. Mr. Blue downplays everything he does as sucking. Like Mr. Pink, he gives a negative image to his interests. He forgets that girls, and people in general really, are like sponges; they soak in what you say, and especially how you say it. If you display energy and enthusiasm, they will feel that from you. But if you display negativity and apathy, like Mr. Blue, so too will they feel those emotions. Mr. Yellow is afraid of talking girls, and afraid of talking about his interest in fear of being rejected. He doesn’t realize that if he can’t talk about himself, girls won’t be interested. Mr. Yellow needs to overcome his fear of people thinking his interests are good enough. They’re as good as you make them. Mr. Orange, like Mr. Brown, is full of himself and speaks as if he is the king and girls are lucky to hear him. He gets drunk and raves about how great he is. And since people feel out a person by how a person talks, girls KNOW he’s full of crap. He needs to talk about his interests in a more controlled, suave manner.

So of course this brings us to Mr. Red, our smooth-as-silk ladies’ man. Mr. Red doesn’t talk like a player, who only wants to say enough in a lady’s pants, but he also doesn’t want to talk like a geek, who positions himself as someone who’s not GOOD enough to get in a lady’s pants. As always, he strikes a balance. 1. Don't talk like you're trying to impress. Talk slowly and calmly. Lean back like you've got all the time in the world. Describe your interest with passion in a deep, intimate, "just-between-you-and-me" voice. -5-

A man on a purpose does not need to impress others. Others need to impress him. 2. Likewise, don't treat your hobbies like they're no big deal. Remembers, emotions are literally contagious; there's a system that makes people match the speaker's vibe. So if you treat your interests as stupid, so will other people. But treat your hobbies like something great, and they will too. 3. Leave Her Hanging! If you like traveling and have climbed the Great Wall or skydived over Sydney, don't tell her that all at once! Girls LOVE to be led on, so wait a bit. Tell her you love traveling, but bait her into wanting to know more. Simple things like, "Yeah, I'll have to show you some photos of my travels sometime" or "I have this great video of me skydiving" are sure to make her want to see you again. 4. Make Sure to Listen to HER interests. Yes, it's not all about you. Don't be quick to interject when a girl describes her interests and

experiences. Let her speak, show some interest (but not too much), then compliment her. After THAT, wait a few seconds. Don't say anything. Give her the "Colbert Chin" (see picture), and wait for her to ask you something. This will likely lead her to ask, "So what are you into/What kind of music do you listen to/What do you like?" To this, you can answer cockily, "Besides high-tech interactive porn? Hmmm..." Loosen her up with humor; it always works! EXERCISE Take a few minutes to write down YOUR interests and what YOUR ambition or ambitions are. List at least five, no matter how trivial they may seem. Then write down their importance on a scale of 1-5. The more important each interest is to you, the more passionately you should talk to women about them. Decide why you are interested in these interests, and how you will use them in your path to excellence. So figure out your life purpose, and knowing your interests (and dislikes) will come naturally. Your attraction meter has just…gone up! Recommended Resources "The Tao of Dating," by Dr. Alex Benzer

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What Do I Do?

GOAL: To be able to comfortably and convincingly talk about what you do for a living and career. It’s inevitable: a girl is going to ask you what you do for a living. Some say it’s a test, some say it’s just an innocent question. Either way, what matters is not what your answer is, but how you answer it. If you treat the question like a test, like a big deal, you will fail. But, if you are prepared and treat the girl like she has to impress YOU, not you impress her, you won't just pass: you will show a girl you are in control, independent of her needs, and confident in your choices. Everything a girl wants. "It never ends. A woman will always test her man for the pleasure of feeling his strength in loving, his capacity to transcend nuisance, his persistence in his own truth, and his capacity to share that truth in love with her, even when she is complaining--especially when she is complaining...Your woman is testing you because she loves you. She wants to feel your truth. She wants to feel your love. And she wants to feel that your truth and love are stronger than the barbs she can throw at you. Then she can relax and surrender into the polarity of man and woman. THEN, she can trust you." -David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man The other key to passing a "test," is asking yourself if this girl fits into your choice. Does it matter if you impress her or not? Does she truly fit into your life purpose? If not, why are you worrying?!? Here’s where our Reservoir Dogs get it wrong. For consistency, we’ll say they’re all fairly successful advertising executives: 1 Mr. Pink is shy about talking to his career. Even though advertising is an interesting enough career, he thinks girls won’t enjoy it and refrains from saying much about it. He loses out by not talking about it more. 2 Mr. White, in constant search of “The One”, tries too hard to use his career to impress ladies. He fashions himself as a provider, and talks as if he's trying to impress women with his plans for a family. This turns girls off in a hurry. 3 Mr. Brown thinks highly enough of his career, but bores girls with all the details they couldn’t care less about. There’s a right way and a wrong way to discuss one’s career, and unfortunately, Mr. Brown does it the wrong way. Girls -8-

4 Mr. Yellow is afraid to talk about his career, for fear of a girl rejecting his career as not good enough. He loses out in the process; girls actually are mostly interested in advertising workers, but he fears they’ll think his job is boring. 5 Mr. Blue always puts down his career, saying all the bad things about it he can think of. He wards off girls with his depressing talk. Instead of badmouthing his job and co-workers, he should discuss them with pride and energy. 6 Mr. Orange is the typical drunk businessman who thinks he’s the shit. He tries too hard to impress, in the process not impressing at all. You can see what these guys do wrong. They either talk too much about their careers, too little, or just make their jobs sound so boring or so depressing. However they do it, it’s bound to repel girls. But when you know how to describe your career right, you don’t repel—you attract. Our fearless Mr. Red knows how to do it right: 1. No matter what the question, Mr. Red never lets the woman assume more power than him. Mr. Red doesn't get angry at women for testing him; he knows it's part of their instinctive drive for a man who can provide and protect. He EXPECTS the question and answers it calmly. He doesn't care what she thinks of his answer. FUNDAMENTAL RULE When a man doesn't care what a woman thinks of his answer, she will be much more attracted to him. 2. He’s convinced his career, no matter what it is, is interesting. Some people may think it’s boring, some people may think it’s capitalist smug, but HE believes it’s fun and interesting, and conveys his interest suitably. Again, Mr. Red doesn't care what people think of his answer. 3. He describes his job as a part of something bigger: his PATH. Doesn’t matter if he’s not fully satisfied with the job; the way he describes it is as a stepping stone in his life purpose. The job gives him the income and knowledge he needs to make his dream of becoming a travel writer come true. If he has to decide between his path and a girl who thinks his path is a joke, Mr. Red always goes with the path. Girls respect him more for sticking to what he believes in. 4. He knows that women love a man with potential. They will be more attracted to a gas station attendant who dreams of owning his own company, than a guy who works in a big office with no purpose at all. Women love to give people a chance; why else would shows like Oprah and magazines like Women's Weekly be so popular? These media appeal to women's sense of -9-

sympathy and nurturing. So appeal to it yourself by showing that what you feel you're capable of! 5. He knows that as long as you answer their questions slowly and with confidence, you'll be okay. Mr. Red doesn't make a big, nervous deal of saying what he does for a living. He also doesn't avoid it. When a woman asks, he pauses a second (to regain control and not give her too much power--see my lesson on Listening), then explains slowly what he does. He doesn't rush his voice, knowing that a fast explanation makes him look nervous and full of crap. Talk slowly, gently, and a woman will be more interested--even if you work as a clerk at Wal-Mart.

Attraction in Action! Here's how Mr. Red handles the ladies: Lady: So what you do for a living? Mr. Red: Right now, I'm an advertising executive. Love it, but I dream bigger... Lady: Oh yeah? What's your dream? Mr. Red: