hello herman

HELLO HERMAN

..LLO

by John Buffalo Mailer 8-13M , 4-6W (doubling) Video gamcs. vio lent movies. Marilyn Manson. the IJHcrncr, Prozac. or fame? What moves a teenager to cross me line and become a high-school shooter? More imponamly, how do we Stop it? Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Lax Morales is looking for a follow­ up [0 his groundbreaking undercover piece on white supremacistS. Although his video blog has an unprecedented online fol lowing a.mong reens. Lax has been wrine n off as Internet trash by the elite or the publishing wodd. He needs a big srory and hL knows iL After killing thirty-nine stud ents and three reachers in a suburban ]owa school , six­ teen-year-o ld Herman Howards rakes the time ro email video clips of rhe incidem LO his idol. Lax. He adds one line to the d ips: "I wam [0 re ll my story on your show." The public pushes for Herman's tdevised execution as Lax conducts thrce Jays of in terviews, lIsing every [001 at his disposal to discover what drives the current poster-boy for evil. I LELLO HERMAN is a mind-blowing examination o f how rragic events like Colu mb ine and V irginia Tech continue to happen in our cu un uy. No stone is left ullLUfrled as LlX sea.rches fo r an answer to [he question everyo ne's been asking bur no one has been able to find : Why?

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N BUFFALO MAILER

"john Buffalo Mailer's HEf.LO HERMAN is (/ powerflll and importan/. work. a darkly brilliant tone poem about Americas lIt1Igo with violmrrt alld fome. Herman will get under YOIIT skin. He may even follow yOIl !Jome. What is certain is YOIl 1I'0llt soon forget him. G, see HELLO HERMAN" -Sam Kashner, Vanity Fair "HELLO HERA1AN is w/)al thl'tlter is supposed to be: n:lelllmt. J)(Jwerjill and fearless. J walked flway thinking about ,he staff oj ot/r COIITlfr)', rile state ofllllT )lollth, ,he slatr oj flur media, a7ld the twisted glitz find cheap plLlstic that is (barely) hoLding together ,he bloot! find gilts ofthe American condition. HELLO HERMAN needs to be scen ill high schools. colleges, comml/flity theaters. and all ,-trut comers "crnss illis COWin]'. If Iwelis Itl be field 1Ij1 as II mirror so thaI we ,'ee wlJllt welle become - (/ society t!;fIt pom'sses so IIIl1ch pOlenti./tl. l}fIt lilu the wasted),outb ill the play, is sentencing ilSelft.() deatb bejiJl'e il erler euen sumecL to lirll'. " -Jason Flores WiUiams

ISBN 978-0-8222-2410·5

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PI DRAMATISTS PlAY SERVICE, INC.

HELLO HERMAN

Copyright © 2010, John Buffalo Mailer

All Righls R(,," 'Ived

CAUTION: Profl'ssinll;ils ;llld :1111:II('IIIS are hereby warned that perfnrm;lll( ' of 111 :1 1,(" I " :.IItvIAN is slIilj('('[ to paymenc of a royalty. It is rId!\' plnl, ·, 11' 1 II'''~\' " 1.1\'11\ ... \XIdl.lh cl'l·was rhisol1l'

tim e WI H'1 1 11, \ /1 ",,1 \ " " .1 11111' I" 1/1,- 1" '.,,11 . I I "II ~·S.~ I W . I.\ lik~'

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to go ill Ill i II ' I '~ I , 1)1' 1;i fill 11/ ( I" 1,"1" ,! I" 1111 1. I'll! 1)/'1 " W I Id,~

should"1 ,111 ,1 ,I I I \;\ I,.. , '" r-.h ,,', II, ." III, .1, 1\ 111 1'" I II ·~ .I1 I':" MIIIII

was SUI'. 1111 '1'1' I, i, I I" "I " "/' II \ I.. II i15 III Ii ri" j', I1I I, f\.'f, 1111 1'.' 1I (1111 ,

picked l,dl,l ,ii ' Ilid ,ll1h l III I i , \' I ~ ,i/ " I: ' \ , 11".ll l\, 1V,"dclll'l hilI'(

her. Till 'lI w~ [dl 111"-.,1 !11I1', :I1 /t . III ', ' III)' ,1.1./ )',' ,' Iii, b>' a crab

and howl[ d Iii 'l' I! b.d!\' -­

LAX. \VII ,Il '-. tI,. \h)l~1 ,)il ,, /., rI;"1 11.11'/"" 11',11'1 YOII ill school?

HEIUvII\N , rJ pI. "I " ' fi Ijji ld 'lilt ." i,,".

LAX. (oi l" 111 1 "'I" ltl T}'1 ( IIi /11'111' 1/ /(Ji/N jll!.dJ. Cross-fode to the

bathroo /ll /11 If'r'rI'''' "'1'//, 1I"III Iil li 1'/1/ 1'1:•. /vlichael RaJ' and Michael

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MICl IAlll t,\ 11, ,1/11 , 11'~ IIII.III, Span.: . . ome change? HE1HVIi\ N 111'.1 1",1\'1 II H' . d(lll('. MICl II\"" IV\\ III '" I. .,v, 1" "1 .!I(llle? Ilmmm. Not today. (The two U(II/' .1~llt!J I I" 11//1 .11/1 / / ;1/,('(' / 111 /1('tI(f into one o/the toilets.) See,

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this way you don't have to listen to him bitch and moan. (They Hennall?

Laugh. Mr. Phelps enters the room hoLding a box ofFig Newtons') HERMAN. I IV.I:, ,\' ,11('.1.

MR. PHELPS. What the devil do you boys think you're doing? JULlA 11 in the computer center. It

the kids in the gym, then what happened? is flnl'YI '/ Ii' "W I. / / {! 1".1'1 /II(lIJI"I Iii Ih" (rl'fIIj1uter next to hers. They work

HERMAN. A couple of teachers had come in also, I guess to see next I II t'(" ~/' 11//', 'I II I li/" IIII' jill' " "'111/11'1'11,)

what was going on. It was Mr. Phelps and Ms. Cribb, the phys-ed MAlt"iII A. 11111 .. , 111 1111.111 ,

teacher. HF1~ MA N Uk III , tvl.i/ .. II.I ,

Mter I saw them come in, I knew I had to move quickly. I put MAI{',)II A. W I",I ,II , ",," ,J"j" g i

the last two chains on the doors, went to the top of the bleachers Hl':HMA N 1'," WII'"' J'. ,' /""1'.1 .1111 (e)J':1 game.

and took out the Uzi. Fired a couple of shots in the ceiling and told MA 1\.\ 1 lA, 1\ ,'," " ",,'

everyone to get down on the floor. They didn't know what the hell HJo:R M AI\I y, il l , I" '" I '''' w. " v,d e" ga mc. YOLl ever hear of those? was going on, but they heard the shots. They got down. I called up (A glJo/v /' II/,I'/; '/1/'1 "II/ " / /'1' 11/ (1/1//1 I{I/I/d) he quickly gets control of Paul Schruber, the captain of the football team . (Paul appears.) MtIi :,.f,,/ (fllI!.'\ "' /JIIII j'JI d " 'lil/If/ /1111/ //1('11 /Il/rghs herself) "Paul! Paul Schruber! Today is your lucky day, Paul! Because you M AI{',) II A. ~ JII, I v, It ' I'" 1./';)" '" ,I vidco game. Duh, of course. are so valuable to our school, you get to live! Now, come on up HE' ~MI\ N I I,,, , ,

here, take a bow and get the fuck out of my gym, Paul. " (Paul slow­ MA I{S' [/\ (1'/,11'/"/) ' ''''I' II , ly gets up and moves towards the exit.) Paul! You forgot to take a bow. HEI Uvl l\r',! '''''1' wil.I' I shot him in the knee. (Paul foils down, screaming in pain.) His MAI {~ I ' A ')1,,) , " I " "'f', I ~ II' 0:,( 1111',

bone was shattered and sticking out of his leg. I took one of the HFI~ M AN

r 1/1" /'/,11/ 111) I Wel '. I) " 'lI.d