Get Him Back Forever

Table of Contents Chapter #1 A Lesson On Male/Female Dynamics ……………………………… 6 Chapter #2 Understanding Why He Broke Up With You ……………………... 15 Chapter #3 No Contact ………………………………………………………… 21 Chapter #4 Push/Pull Theory …………………………………………………... 29 Chapter #5 Letting Go: Strategies To Reverse Rejection ………………………32 Chapter #6 Taking Your Life Back: Other Strategies To Reverse Rejection …. 35 Chapter #7 If He’s Already Dating ……………………………………………. 44 Chapter #8 Preventing A Breakup Before It Happens In The First Place ……... 47 Chapter #9 Rewarding Good Behavior ………………………………………... 52 Chapter #10 Punishing Bad Behavior …………………………………………... 56 Chapter #11 Let Him Invest In You …………………………………………….. 61 Chapter #12 Re-Evaluating Your Relationship …………………………………. 64

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Act With Integrity & Respect My Copyright I understand that not everyone reading this book has purchased it. Not everyone has disposable income to throw around. I truly understand that. Part of being an attractive woman is to act with integrity and selfrespect. I kindly ask that you make a genuine purchase of this product after it changes your life for the better, if you have indeed obtained it illegally. Please do not send this eBook or any of my other copyrighted material to your friends. I trust you will act with integrity and refer them to my website, where they can respectfully purchase it for themselves. Keep in mind that we value that which we invest in. If you spend your hard earned money on this product, you will appreciate it to its fullest extent. If you invested nothing, this product will merely be an after thought and end up collecting dust on your hard drive. I trust you will make the right choice and act with integrity. :-) Copyright © 2008 – Get Him Back Forever™ All rights reserved. Any and all unauthorized use and/or distribution of this eBook is strictly prohibited under international law.

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Introduction First of all, I’d like to congratulate you on purchasing this life changing product. I promise I will deliver 100% of the promises I made on the sales page. This has truly been a labor of love for me, and regardless of how well this book sells, I take pride in knowing I have created the best possible product I could ever hope to produce. I truly believe that. Sometimes it seems as though men are off in their own little world. The lack of emotional sensitivity, their inability to pick up on the “right” thing to say at the right time. It can be unbelievably frustrating. This book is all about demystifying men and giving you a step-by-step blueprint to getting the man of your affections back (and for good this time). It deals with strategies you can start applying literally the minute you read about them. In my opinion, getting your ex boyfriend back will be the easy part. It’s keeping him “tame” and loyal toward you that is the real challenge. I will go far beyond simply teaching you to get your ex back and toward the end of this book we will begin discussing methods and techniques to keep the man in your life under your “spell”. No manipulation or anything unethical required. With the divorce rate hovering at over 60% in the western world, there is definitely something happening NOW in our society that wasn’t in the past. I made it my mission to discover what exactly it was and how exactly to maintain a fulfilling, long lasting and loyal relationship. As a professional relationship coach for almost six years now (as of this writing), I began to pick up on common trends and patterns. I began to see what common things couples did that lead to their eventual breakup. And later, what common things couples did to get back together.

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I had succeeded and “cracked the code”. You, my dear friend, will reap the benefits of my quest for relationship success. This book is not just written from the perspective of a man – but also from the perspective of many women who successfully got back their boyfriends (and husbands). I took it upon myself to interview as many women as I possibly could. You see, male-female dynamics has always been something of interest to me. I talk about it whenever I get a chance to. What I have discovered as a result is nothing short of astonishing.

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B

efore we get into the “getting your ex boyfriend back” part, I need to take you on a little journey first. If I just give you the steps without you understanding the core reasoning behind them, I doubt they would be anywhere near as effective. So let’s begin: Men and women have always been “wired” differently from one another. Sure, there are many similarities, but I don’t think I really have to convince you that there are vast differences in terms of how our brains function. Differences in what we are both attracted to on a deep, psychological level. Traditionally, it is the woman’s job to be the selectorin courtship rituals. Scientifically speaking, it’s the man’s job to pursue and the woman’s job to either accept or reject said advances. It’s literally been like this for all of human evolution. Our brains are hard wired to take on these so called “roles”. Now, obviously this can be a huge advantage for women, if only they would embrace and accept this concept in its entirety. In many cases this role gets reversed and a woman will find herself pursuing a man – not the other way around. Sometimes women will begin to seek her mans approval by dressing overly sexy, pretending to like or be interested in the same things he is, etc. Think back and try to remember when exactly the tables turned? Originally, was it your ex boyfriend who displayed interest in you and pursued you? Was he the one working and chasing you? Did you ultimately select him? I’m willing to wager he was. But something changed along the way; something that made him lose interest in you. Your desire for a lasting long term relationship was so overpowering, you valued that pursuit more than selecting the best possible mate on your terms (the way it’s supposed to be). The typical courtship ritual goes something as follows:

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The man shows interest and attraction for you. Chemistry starts to kick in and you “test” him to see if he’s a good fit or not. In essence you are the selector, testing to see whether or not he is a good fit for a long term relationship. To regain control of your failed relationship, you must clearly establish that you are the selector and he is the one pursuing you. You need to re-affirm your feminine role as the selector and not the selectee. “He who cares least, controls the relationship” Remember those words, because right now you care most, otherwise you would not be reading this book. And let’s face it, you cannot suddenly turn off your strong feelings for your ex boyfriend and magically care less. Emotions don’t work that way (although it would certainly be nice if they did). The good news is, there are very specific things you can do to reaffirm your role as selector again. There are things you can do to drive your man crazy with jealousy and desire (we’ll get to that in later chapters). Casual Girl vs. Girlfriend Material You must never be just a “casual girl” to any man you value. This is for your benefit as much as it is his. The truth is, there are women men keep around as just “casual girls” and then there are those who they consider “girlfriend material”. Kind of like how most all women have men who they just consider friends (and would never sleep with) and others that they would in a heartbeat. With men, this phenomenon is not as pronounced. This may or may not apply to you, but if you are currently still sleeping with your ex boyfriend, stop immediately. Don’t fall into the trap of believing that just maybe he will want you back if you maintain

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your physical connection. You need a commitment from him. One that doesn’t just involve sex. How can he ever place value on you if you hardly even value yourself enough to expect more than just sex? You DO want more than that, otherwise you would NOT be reading this book. If you -really- no matter what, wanted to get your boyfriend back, you would call him on the phone and tell him that he could have sex with you, no strings attached any time he wanted to, anywhere and in whatever manner he wanted. Most men would accept those terms and you would “have him back” -but that’s not what you want. You want his heart. You want him to love and desire you. You want to be pursued and viewed as a prize; held up proud in front of all his friends. If you cannot value yourself enough to recognize when enough is enough… he owns you. And if he thinks he owns you (and this is true for both sexes) he will walk all over you. Again: He who cares least, controls the relationship. I want to drill those words into your head because they ring so true. The Hollywood, fairytale version of a happy couple simply does not exist (and never has). Yes, love is alive and a very real emotional state, but you cannot allow yourself to let that emotion take over your better judgment. Love is a lot like a drug when you really think about it. You can become so addicted to a man’s validationthat you would literally do anything to get it… just a little more… more… And then he owns you. And he knows it. Perceived Value Is Everything in a Relationship Who wants what they already have? I mean, really think about that.

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Of course, that question goes far beyond male-female relationships. If somebody were to take the internet away from you, TV and other forms of passive entertainment, you would go nuts! I sure as hell would. You take them completely for granted. But, if you knew in advance that you were on the verge of losing them, you would place a hell of a lot more value on those things. In fact, you would take steps working toward keeping them. So what does this have to do with relationships? Everything. The key to keeping any man interested, attracted and putting effort into you is to never let him believe he completely has you no matter what. Kind of like when you put a string in front of a cat and let it run around endlessly chasing after it. Then, when you lay the string down, it no longer wants it. Yes, I can be cruel and I have done this before. :) You can be loving and you can be caring - but you can never let your man believe that you are the metaphorical string laying on the floor. Valueless. Getting your man back, requires you to (in a sense) give him the same feelings you are experiencing now. You want him to feel rejected by you. We’ll get into that later… The Myth That Men Only Want One Thing I hear this all the time and it really bothers me. Let me get one thing straight: yes, men are more fixated on the physical aspect of a relationship. This is genetic and there is no changing it. Work with it – not against it. However, it is absolutely not the only thing a man wants out of a relationship. Trust me on that. Studies show that a lot more men commit suicide after a breakup than women. A lot. A deep connection with a man is harder to form from

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the start, but once that connection is made, it can become extremely strong. Women typically reserve their emotional connection for their children, while men reserve it for the one woman they fall head over heels for; yes I will help you become that woman in his eyes so keep reading. There is no question in my mind that men want validation and a sense of being loved by one special person just as strongly as women do. No question in my mind at all. And, we can use that to our advantage when getting him back. Walking Power Too many women are afraid of their own boyfriend’sdisinterest. At our core, we are all approval seeking beings. We are a social species and it is in our nature to desire love (and to give love). Women are afraid that if they demand respect, they will lose their boyfriend. It’s funny and ironic how the opposite is actually true. To some women, the fear of losing their boyfriend is literally crippling. Maybe you’re even one of those women. Regardless of what your answer is, you need to understand the concept of “walking power”. Understand that if a man assumes that no matter how poorly he behaves, you will never leave him (walk away from him), he will continue to push your boundaries until they collapse. And as you now know, women without boundaries have very little perceived value. Hewill leave you when he feels as though he has complete control over you. Or, keep you around as a “side girl”, “booty call” or whatever you want to call it. I know that’s not why you bought this book. You don’t want to be that girl.

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This is why having solid boundaries is of the utmost importance. You need to be able to stand your ground and walk away from him if you must. I promise you that once he knows you are a woman with strong boundaries he will always respect you, with minimal “testing” on your part. You cannot show your boyfriend that you are afraid to lose him. With that said, it’s still perfectly fine (and required) to let him know you care about him (when in the context of a relationship). In fact, no relationship will last if he thinks he means nothing to you. What I’m saying is that you must not become so invested in him emotionally, that losing him would seem like the end of the world to you. He needs to know that without him, you would have no problem moving on with your life. Assume the attitude “I like you, but if we break up, it’s not the end of the world.” When entering into a long term relationship, you truly need to adopt a mindset that relationships are finite. Your relationship (in all probability) will not last until death due you part. Yes, it may, but approaching the relationship accepting things will not last forever, will actually help achieve the latter. Oh the irony. You see, when you’re boyfriend broke up with you, you lost your “walking power”. It happened gradually throughout the course of your relationship. You were no longer willing to walk away when he did something unreasonable. And little by little he began to realize that he could pretty much get away with anything he wanted. He completely had your heart at this point. This is not a good position to be in if you’re a woman in a relationship. It’s a debilitating position and you feel helpless. You know you shouldn’t put up with his BS, but you do anyway, which leads to what I call Negative Patterns of Behavior.

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Negative Patterns of Behaviour Negative patterns of behaviour are basically anything you let your boyfriend get away with that you would otherwise not do for somebody else. In the beginning of a relationship we tend to “put up” with much more than we are willing to maintain months down the road. For this reason, it is far more effective to set your off limit boundaries at the very beginning of your relationship. If you wouldn’t put up with your boyfriend being late six months into your relationship, then don’t put up with it one month in. Catch my drift? Avoiding negative patterns of behaviour is absolutely critical when defending your boundaries. Once a negative pattern has been established, it is very hard to break. We humans are creatures of habit; we absolutely hate breaking a comfortable routine. Especially men. Your “boundaries” must be set early on within the relationship. In your case, right after you have him back. Letting your boyfriend blatantly disrespect you will only cause a pattern of negative behaviour to form. He’ll basically get used to you putting up with his crap, and expect that sort of passive compliance from you. Once you finally clue into what’s happening, you will confront him about his rude behaviour, to no avail. He’ll probably even laugh at you. You see, a negative pattern of behaviour has already been established and it will be an uphill battle to break out of it. This is exactly what happened in your relationship. Negative patterns of behaviour were established early on. When you stopped putting up with these “patterns”, problems occurred. Arguing, ignoring each other, etc. If you don’t like your boyfriend treating you differently when he’s around his friends, then don’t put up with it from thevery beginning of your relationship. It would be dishonest if you let your boyfriend do anything you don’t like during the “honeymoon phase” of your relationship, only to get angry at him for doing it later on down the road. Establish your boundaries early on.

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If you like going out with just the girls every Tuesday, make sure you do so from the very beginning. Don’t forego the things you enjoy in the beginning, only to re-establish them at a later date. When you try to re-establish a new pattern of behaviour, your boyfriend will interpret it as you either losing interest in him or being mean and/or controlling. If you had set the precedentfrom the very start, (in a nice, nonaggressive way) you wouldn’t run into that problem down the road. No negative pattern of behaviour would have been established.

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L

et’s clear up twocommon misconceptions:

1. He did not break up with you because of anything you specifically said or did. It goes deeper than that. 2. He (probably) did not break up with you because of your appearance. There are four main reasons, in my professional experience; that men leave women. Reason #1: Too Much Effort The most valuable piece of advice ever given to me went something along the lines of this: “We value that which we work for.” It rings true for physical possessions as well as with actual people. It is truly sad, but he very well may have lost interest in you based solely on your over-accommodation toward his needs. We value that which we work for and if he believes he no longer must work pleasing you and making you happy, his perception of you will be that of low self-esteem. It is human nature to push people with low self-esteem away from us. Indeed it is a very unattractive trait. In fact, people with low self-esteem try to “force” others to like them through being overly accommodating and giving. Now, I’m not saying you should have been selfish, just that you should kept a mental note as to how much he was actually pleasing you, and reward him accordingly. (See the chapter on punishment/reward). In a perfect world, this would not be the case, but alas this is not a perfect world and w must accept reality.

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Reason #2: The Routine of Relationships The harsh reality of relationships is that two people become so comfortable with one another that they basically stop trying. There is no more “thrill of the chase” or sexual tension. They begin to take each other for granted and thus begins the collapse of a once “magical” attraction for one another. Both men and women are always comparing their mate to other potential prospects all the time. Even if only on a subconscious level. When your man begins to assume you will always be around, he loses his motivation and urge to compete for you. Men are genetically hard wired to complete for the best possible mate. As a woman, the “trick” to keeping a man loyal and even happy in the long term, is to always have him thinking in the back of his mind “I better stay on top of my game or I just might lose her…” This isn’t unethical in any way shape of form – indeed he will only value and love you all the more for it. The typical story I hear constantly goes something as follows: “Things were great in the beginning Matt, but then she started to let herself go. She was always flirty toward me in the beginning, laughing at my jokes and being all ‘touchy feely’ with me. Then all that affection gradually went away until there was no more ‘magic’ left. It was just all boring routine. Nagging, bitching….” That was an actual conversation I had with a male friend of mine a few weeks ago. He ended up breaking up with her, saying “we’re just not a good fit anymore.” Let’s face it, women (and men too) let themselves go as the novelty of a new relationship wears off. Men have egos and they have as big of a craving for validation as you do.

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You need to regain your value and establish yourself as the high value woman you once were in his eyes. Yes, there are specific techniques for doing this and I will delve into them in later chapters of this book. For now, I want you to think about the woman you were when you first entered into your relationship and the woman you eventually became. Really think about it and be honest with yourself. What changed? Did boring routine take over and you stopped caring about the way you looked? Did you pick fights with each other over seemingly insignificant things? I’m willing to bet there was definitely a large element of boring routine involved in your breakup. Reason #3: Neediness & Insecurity Annnnnnd the universal attraction repellant is… Neediness, insecurity and validation seeking behavior. Guys tend to view women who are too needy as daughters. They feel as though they need to take on a Father-like role. To a lot of guys (for obvious reasons) that is unattractive. If you’re an overly emotional type of woman and tend to pass that emotional burden onto your boyfriend, he may have called it quits for that very reason. The emotional burden could have become too much for him to handle. Personally, I have broken up with a woman for this very reason. She claimed to be strong willed and independent (and at first she was) but she very quickly began opening up to me; sharing personal stories I wasn’t ready to hear, telling me she loved me WAY too soon, etc. I got the impression that there actually wasn’t anything special about me at all. She chose me not for me but because she was desperate to be loved by another person. It didn’t matter who that “other” person was: so long as he loved her back. I simplycouldn’t be that person so soon and it really turned me off.

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Reason #4: Being Too Rigid & Cold No man wants to be with a woman who is “tougher” than he is. It’s an ego thing and there is no avoiding it. It’s just how men are hard coded. If a woman seeks to dominate her man, he will become extremely defensive. To many, many men (myself included) an overly tough, rigid woman is tremendously unattractive. When you emasculate a man, not only will he resent you for it, but you will also lose any and all attraction for him. Women, much like men, do not want to be with somebody they have complete and total control over. I’m NOT suggesting you become a doormat. No woman wants to become that and very few men want to be around one (long term). You simply need to realize that when you try and dominate your man in any way, this actually pushes him away. It turns him off on a deep emotional level.It directly challenges his masculinity. Men are hard wired to be competitive – to be the best – to be the “alpha male”. The most attractive woman is a woman who is independent, yet has a soft vulnerable side that needs “protecting”. Your man wants to protect you. On a deep psychological level, he is hard wired to instinctively defend the woman he chooses as a long term mate. It’s been like this throughout all of human creation/evolution (depending on your particular views). Remember, there is a distinct balance to be had when it comes to being too vulnerable (needy) and too tough and rigid. Find and strike this balance and your man will melt in your arms. The Variables That Changed Think back (long and hard) to the beginning of your relationship. Specifically what things changed within the relationship? Your behavior, your attitude, your physical appearance, etc. There were specific reasons your ex boyfriend was once drawn to you and specific reasons

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he chose to leave you and end the relationship. In the vast majority of cases, the above four reasons are the main variables that changed within the relationship. Most women will sit around thinking about what she might have said, or what she might have done in order to push him away. They dwell on all the little things that really don’t add up to much. Perhaps your relationship ended during a heated argument (for example). You said hurtful things and so did he. You continuously think back and say to yourself “maybe if I had just said this or done that and never said _______.” It wasn’t the heated argument that actually ended the relationship. It wasn’t the underlying reason leading up to the breakup. It was merely an excuse to end things for a set of completely different reasons. Focus on the actual underlying cause. The things that fundamentally changed the relationship.

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D

oes that title scare you? If so, you above all others must pay particularly close attention to the next few paragraphs.

There is no point in me sugar coating my words and tip toeing around my point so I’m just going to blurt it out: DO NOT INITIATE CONTACT WITH YOUR EX BOYFRIEND FOR A MINIMUM OF THREE WEEKS. There are no exceptions to this rule. You must not be the one to initiate contact with him, but it is perfectly fine if he contacts you first. There is a scientific, physiological basis for this and I will explain it shortly. It will all make sense and you’ll have one of those “aha!” moments. Why the need to not initiate contact with your ex boyfriend? The “no contact rule” is a mechanism we use to accomplish three things: 1. It prevents you from acting needy and insecure around your ex boyfriend. As you already discovered, neediness and insecurity are attraction killers when it comes to any relationship. 2. It instills a fear of loss within him. Not contacting him pushes him away and makes him wonder why. He will essentially become intrigued and start wondering if you have moved on with another man. Humans only realize something’s value when it is gone, in most all cases. 3. It gives you the opportunity to soak in as much information from my material as possible. You see, no matter what you do or how hard you try, when you’re around your ex boyfriend you will sub-communicate insecurity and neediness. At least at first you will. It doesn’t even matter how hard you try not to; it will come through in some way or another. Even if you don’t verbally say you miss your boyfriend and want him back or that you’re hurting inside, he will pick up on your feelings

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through your body language. That’s not a bunch of BS either. Body language is powerful stuff. Much of this eBook will be about both actually ridding yourself of insecurity and neediness as well as some tricks and gimmicks to make yourself appear a lot less insecure and needy than you really are. Even if you feel horrible inside, I will at least give you the appearance that you are doing perfectly fine without him. Thus reversing the feeling of rejection as much as humanly possible. Don’t Be His Emotional Support After a breakup, some men will use their ex girlfriend either as a means to get over the breakup and healhimself or merely a means to have sex. This is obviously not what you want. By not contacting him and making yourself scarce, you are forcinghim to heal on his own. You’re also depriving him of any sex, which you should never give unless he’s willing to commit to an actual relationship anyway. The bottom line is that you won’t be around to support him and be all sensitive, accommodating and giving. You are forcing him to be lonely and face reality without you. There will be no easing out of being in a relationship with you. Period. Your instincts may tell you that by being around him and supporting him (emotionally) will only draw you back together. Nothing could be any further from the truth. This will only help his healing process while hurting yours. Essentially he will unintentionally be leeching off you. I guess you could even consider him an emotional vampire: sucking the happiness from you and substituting it with jealousy, hurt and shame. If He Contacts You

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It’s very likely that your ex boyfriend will actually initiate contact with you over the course of these 20 - 30 days, provided you follow my plan exactly as outlined. This is especially true if he starts really feeling a fear of loss and begins to place value on you once again. It will be his natural instinct to reach out and contact you. This is a very good sign and while not at all necessary, definitely will make things a lot easier for you at later stages of this plan. Rule number one here is not to be rude, angry or act depressed around him. If he comes in to visit you at work or calls you on the phone, act happy and cheerful. Acting in this manner will demonstrate higher value on your part. Basically, he will wonder why you’re not acting miserable and rotten. This will intrigue him and again make him feel an even stronger fear of loss (as you appear to have moved on before he has). When your ex contacts you: • Make small talk with him about whatever. • Let him lead the conversation (for the most part). • Act cheerful and happy but don’t come across as desperate to talk with him. • End the conversation first (if it’s a phone call)after about 10 minutes. Be polite and say “I’m heading out with a friend but I’ll give you a call later”. Make sure you don’t come across as bitter when you say this. • Take your time to call him back. Don’t be too eager and make sure you wait about a day or a day and a half. • If you run into him in person, make small talk for 10 minutes and then say something along the lines of, “Well it was nice talking with you, but I have to finish doing _________.” Again, be cheerful about it. Being cheerful demonstrates secu-

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rity and gives the impression that you’ve accepted the breakup. The “no contact rule” doesn’t mean your ex boyfriend can’t contact you. It’s a very good thing when he is the one initiating contactfirst, but only if he is the one doing the initiating. The important thing to remember is that under no circumstances will you be the one initiating contact with him first. What not to do in a nutshell: • Act angry. • Act depressed and sad. • Act rude and treat him like crap. • Brag about how many guysare hitting on you. This will obviously come across as a lie and lower your value in his eyes. • Bring up anything about the relationship at all. • Ask if he’s dating or sleeping with anyone. • Ask/beg him to give the relationship “another shot”. It’s very likely that over the next few weeks, your ex will contact you. In fact, many of my students have only applied the No Contact principal and have experienced dramatic success with it. This is largely due to the fact No Contact forces your ex boyfriend to realize your value. You can’t value something that’s always been there to its fullest extent. Again, I’d like to reiterate that it is important that you act rather cheerful, cool, calm and collected when he contacts you. No acting depressed! Period. Let the conversation unfold and basically talk about positive things that have nothing to do with your relationship. Let him lead the con-

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versation and do most of the talking. If he brings up anything about the relationship then it’s safe to enter into that line of discussion. As long as you’renot the one bringing it up, you’re A-OK. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve heard from women who followed the No Contact rule and had their ex boyfriends call them weeks later, asking if they would give the relationship another shot. All they did was sit around on their butts and not initiate contact with their ex’s. Three Weeks = Peak of Loneliness The “loneliness peak” occurs after about three to four weeks after a breakup. He will feel his most vulnerable and lonely at this time. It will take great effort on his part not to contact you. In most cases, provided you stick to the rest of this plan, he will be the one contacting you. If he doesn’t then that is still fine, but you will be in a much better position if he is the one initiating contact with you. After three to four weeks have passed, it will be much more effective for you to contact him at this point. He will be lonely and most likely thinking good thoughts about you. He will be reminiscing about the good times you had together while you’ll be concentrating on only the bad. The balance of power will have turned and he will be the insecure one while you’re not. If He Does Not Contact You… Since the loneliness peak occurs at three to four weeks, it is safe for you to contact him at this point. In the majority of cases he will contact you first. If not, I recommend waiting a minimum of three to four weeks. This really depends on how low he perceived your value to be before the breakup. In extreme cases you should wait even longer. If you have to contact him, you will chat with him as though he is an old friend. Again, I reiterate that there is to be no hint of desperation, depression or neediness on your part. You must come across as

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though you are perfectly fine with the breakup. Act like you realized the breakup was actually the best thing for the both of you. I recommend that you tell him, when you initiate contact, that you believe the breakup was definitely for the best and that it would be a shame to throw away such a great friendship. “I just wanted to tell you that you were right… The breakup was definitely for the best. It would really be a shame to throw away our friendship though. How about we go out for a coffee bud? We can work on being friends again, no hard feelings.” It’s very important that you maintain a platonic vibe of being friends. Again, this is to instill a fear of loss within him. Remember that we value most that which we do not have. I will talk more about the importance of the platonic friend vibe in Chapter 8. Regardless of whether he contacts you or not, you will use your friendship as a means to sneak in under the radar and present to him the new, confident, less needy you. You will use your position as a friend to re-build attraction and value. Some Possible Objections So what if you’re in a situation where you cannot possibly “not contact” your ex boyfriend? Maybe you work with him, you have a kid with him, you live together, etc. What the heck do you do then? Basically it’s all in how you behave in these circumstances. You don’t want to come across as insecure or childish by acting angry, jealous or all out ignoring him. However, you do want to keep contact with your ex to a minimum. If you live together, make sure you go out with friends a lot. Don’t bring other men back to the house just to make him jealous since this will probably hurt your chances of getting him back. He’ll end up bringing a girl back and it’ll end up turning into a vicious cycle of games. Stay away from that.

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Basically, you want your ex to initiate the conversation most of the time. You don’t want to look like you’re ignoringhim because that’s also insecure. You want to act happy and cheerful, like you’re completely fine with the breakup and you have moved on. Let him lead the conversation and put in most of the work when conversing with you. Again, don’t ignore him; just let him do most of the work. Think of it as living with a female roommate. In fact, use this forced contact to your advantage by dressing the best you can without looking like you’re actually trying.

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P

ush/Pull theory revolves around the notion that we want what we cannot have. We pursue that which retreats from us. It’s true for both men and women alike. In fact, the main reason you want your ex back so badly is probably due to the fact he rejected you. You currently cannot have him and that drives you insane. It would drive me insane too. That’s just human nature. People interact in two basic ways (when you really break it down). We are either pushing somebody away from us, or we are pulling them toward us. To “pull” is to show interest and to “push” is to show disinterest. When somebody (like a man) pushes us away, we naturally respond by pulling that person back in. It creates a fear of loss and we naturally want to vanquish that fear and fill the gap. This is especially true with male/female romantic relationships. A push can be anything from your boyfriend saying “I need more space” or “you’re being annoying” or outright breaking up with you. It is anything he does to display disinterest or indifference. “He who cares least controls the relationship” Right now, you instinctively want to pull your ex boyfriend toward you when in fact you should be pushing him away from you. Pulling him toward you puts pressure on him and forces him to push you further away. If he knows he can have you whenever he wants, he won’t want you at all. It will kill all the sexual tension between the two of you. I’ve already presented you with one very powerful technique that harnesses Push/Pull Theory. By not initiating contact with your ex, he will begin to wonder if you have moved on. He will probably start to think about all the good times you had together and crave to have those times back. Remember that after 3 – 4 weeks, his loneliness will peak.

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It’s also important to realize that just as you can “pull” too much, you can also push too much as well. Sexual tension is created when there is a mix of the two. You will often hear men refer to this as “mixed signals”. They’ll say things like “she was sending mixed signals and it just made me want her more”. The key to push/pull is to find the right balance. Push him away from you a little and then pull him back in, push him away a little once again, then pull him back in. You’re just trying to get your ex boyfriend back and so you really don’t have to put too much thought into it. Just make sure you understand that too much of either pushing or pulling is bad. You want to show some interest, and then show a little disinterest. Rinse and repeat.

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O

ur internalmindset is of paramount importance when applying this system. You need to rid yourself of any and all insecurity for this to work. If you’re serious about getting your ex boyfriend back, following my plan will be easy. This next part will be very counter intuitive but I can assure you that it is based on deep rooted psychology. Accept that things are over and begin the process of moving on. Yup. That’s right. You need to let go of your ex boyfriend before you can get him back. Very counter intuitive indeed. You need to remember that a clingy, insecure woman repels men. Letting go (and I do actually mean really letting go) will dramatically increase the odds of getting him back merely because it rids you of any and all approval seeking behavior. The following are not useless steps to be ignored. It is in your best interest to follow them. Step One: Go grab a piece of paper right now (its best you do it while you’re reading this). Write out your ex boyfriends contact information on it and set it aside. Place it in a spot where you will not easily see it. Step Two: Delete every memory and mode of contact you have with him. Delete his number from your cell phone, Skype, etc. Delete all of his e-mails (that means to stop reading them too). The only exception to this rule is for Facebook or Myspace. If you don’t have an account (or he doesn’t) then don’t worry. If you do, leave him on your list but do not, under any circumstances, view his profile. I cannot stress this enough. There is to be absolutely no viewing of his profile! The other exception would be your Instant Messenger. You can use that as a means to create more fear of loss (but we’ll delve into that later). To recap: • Delete all modes of contact: phone number, email, etc. Matt Huston’s “Get Him Back Forever” © 2008

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• Delete digital photos. • Delete anything else that reminds you of him. • Do not ever view his online profile. Step Three: Gather up all physical reminders of your ex boyfriend. This means any teddy bears, cards, posters, cloths, watches, pictures, etc. Anything physical at all! Gather it all up and toss it in a box. Make sure you put the box in a place you cannot find. Put it in your basement or leave it with a friend or something. Under your bed will not suffice. Step Four: Visualize yourself with other men. Fantasize about other men. Under no circumstances should you let your mind drift and begin to think about your ex in a sexual way. When you find yourself thinking about your ex, force yourself to fantasize about your ideal man. It’s also helpful to fantasize about what you would do with a million dollars or something equally pleasurable. Realize that you’re fantasizing about your ex to help comfort and ease the pain for yourself. It will only have the opposite effect which is why you must force yourself to let go. In a week or two, the pain will have dramatically decreased. Step Five: Concentrate only on the negative aspects of your ex boyfriend. When going through a breakup, we have what’s called selective memory. We only seem to remember the good times we had with them and how happy they made us. Your ex boyfriend becomes a sort of drug that we withdraw from. It’s hard, but you must only focus on the negative. All of this is leading up to a complete reversal of rejection.

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H

ere is where it gets interesting. By getting your life back, you are showing your ex boyfriend you do not needhim. Remember: high value men do not want a woman who needs him more than he needs her.

Men value that which they work for. By actively demonstrating that you are healing and moving on, you will begin to switch on many “attraction switches” in his brain. These are the same switches that attracted him in the first place. It’s your job to demonstrate you still have those characteristics. Start Dating Other Men (And Make Sure He Finds Out) This is my favorite technique for reversing rejection. Actually moving on! You don’t need to actually be serious about these dates, but they will be a huge confidence boost for your ego and will really help shed any underlying insecurity and/or neediness you may still have left. I realize you may not be in the dating frame of mind but you must force yourself to do it. You must force yourself to find other men to date. Like much of what we have discussed thus far, this is also very counter intuitive, so allow me to explain: • Dating other men builds your confidence while simultaneously shedding any underlying insecurity you may still have. • When your ex boyfriend finds out, he will feel afear of loss. His sub-conscious will be thinking, “wow, she must be more high value than I thought if she can replace me that easily”. So with that said, start taking up those offers other men are giving you. You’ll seriously love yourself for it later. This sounds like “feel good” advice but there are seriously millions of quality, datable men out there. At the moment, you’re very emotional and you’re not thinking logically. You’re an attractive woman and it won’t be overly difficult for you to move on if you so desire.

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Now, if all else fails and you cannot actually get on some dates within the next week or two, then it’s appropriate to fake it. You can even start off by faking it until you actually get on a few real dates too. The important thing is that you try to go on some real, actual dates and make sure your ex boyfriend finds out about it. It’ll do wonders for your hurt self-esteem. Techniques to make sure he finds out: Instant Messaging Hang Out Chances are you use an online instant messaging system like Windows Live Messenger or AIM. Usually people mention what they are doing in their display name. For example: “Melissa–Out with the girls tonight… Call my cell.” Where I live, this is very common. If you land a date (don’t be picky either) make sure your display name mentions the fact you are out with another man. For example: “Mel – Out with Jeff. Back tonight.” You see what we’re doing? We’re creating what’s called a jealousy plotline to increase your perceived value while making your ex feel a fear of loss. Essentially reversing the rejection. If you can’t actually get on a date, fake it if you must. Make up a random guys name and say you’re “Out with Jeff” or Matt or whoever. Whatever you do, do not make it look like you’re intentionally trying to make your ex boyfriend jealous. This would be a mistake of paramount disaster. You need to allude to the fact you are moving on with your life and seeing other men. He can’t think it’s all a game you’re playing to make him want you back. Allude To His Friend(s) Chances are you talk to somebody your ex boyfriend hangs out with on a regular basis. Get yourself in a casual conversation

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with them and ask what they’re up to this weekend. When they finish telling you, you know they will reciprocate and ask you the exact same question. When they ask what you’re doing, say: “I’m just hanging out with some Jeff guy I met the other night.” Then quickly change the topic! Do not directly say “yeah so I’m going on a date tonight” as that would just make you look like a loser who wants her ex to become jealous. Make it look like you almost don’t want their friend knowing you’re going on a date but it just slipped out. Social Site Flirting These days, everyone has a MySpace or Facebook account (or some other variation thereof). Maybe you don’t and if so ignore this info. If you do, read on. Take this opportunity to flirt with other men in your network. Just message them, talk with them, etc. The great thing about MySpace and Facebook is that they have public sections where people can post messages back and forth to each other. Everyone in your friends list can read these messages and you can bet your ex boyfriend will be viewing your profile to keep tabs on what you have been up to. Especially since you’re not initiating contact with him. Again, this will create a jealousy plotline. He’ll see that you are attractive to other men and feel a fear of loss. His manly instinct will kick in and he’ll want to possess you again. Even though he broke up with you, he’s used to feeling as though he“owns” you. He’s used to having you all to himself. When he sees other men flirting with you on your profile, he’ll get jealous and realize what a horrible mistake he’s made. Again, this is reversing the feeling of rejection.

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Social Site Fake Out You can take things a step further and register another account, under a fake male name. Put up a fake picture of a very handsomeman. Make sure the picture doesn’t look blatantly fake either. If it’s a celebrity or a man way out of your league, forget about it appearing genuine. For best effect, make it a man just slightly better looking than your ex boyfriend. Anyway, set the fake profile to private. I’ll say that again because it’s so damn important. Set the fake profile to private so nobody can actually view it. You will look like a huge loser when your ex views the fake profile only to find out its completely empty and clearly a phony profile designed to make him jealous. Next, make a few posts from the fake account to your own account saying things like “great movie – we’ll have to do it again” or “you’re too funny sweetie! We’ll have to chill again on Sunday.” Basically you want it to look like you may possibly be dating another guy. Definitely do not post anything blatantly sexual like “I can’t wait to touch and feel you again” or something equally lame. Keep it very subtle and make sure you disguise the way you type. You probably abbreviate certain words, use specific slang, spell certain words wrong and other identifiable patterns that may give away the fact the phony mystery man is actually you. Pay attention to the way you type and make sure it’s different when using this technique. Remember that none of those techniques are actually necessary. I recommend them because:

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• Your ex will fear he is losing you for good. It knocks him back into reality. You’re a girl in demand! Other men want you. • He will be overwhelmed with jealousy if you played your cards correctly. • It demonstrates higher value on your part. • It builds your own self confidence back up and increases your self-esteem and feeling of self-worth. The major benefit will come from actually going on real dates because it will rocket your self-confidence. You will believe in your own attractiveness again. That’s not something you can achieve through faking it. Although if you absolutely have to, the option is there. Just make sure you do it in a subtle way that doesn’t come across as bragging. Only losers brag. Secondly, I want you to use your imagination and come up with other creative ways in which you can subtly allude to being on dates with other men. I gave you a lot of great examples to get you started. Just make sure you do not go over the top and make yourself look like a loser by bragging and generally making it obvious you are trying to make him jealous. Start Having Massive Fun Next on our list of getting back your ex boyfriend is to demonstrate that you are now having massive fun. You want to make him regret he ever left you. He’ll even start to think he was the one holding you back from experiencing your life. And who knows, maybe he actually was. Go out and start having some fun with your friends. Have some drinks with the girls next weekend, hit up a bar or club, get that adrenaline pumping. Hell, you should even go on that trip you always wanted to take. Just go and have as much fun as you possibly can.

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For a woman, bars and clubs are particularly a great place to boost your confidence. You’ll get approached by multiple men within the hour. But you know that already. Wink. Wink. This will: • Rid you of your needy, insecure mindset. • Demonstrate to your ex boyfriend that you will not sit around wallowing in your own sorrow. • Keep your mind off your ex (which ties in with ridding yourself of insecurity) The number one thing I recommend you do is to start working out. Sign up at the gym and work your ass off for the next month. Not because you think you have to, but because you will enjoy it. • Exercise releases endorphins which basically make you feel damn good. This is a scientifically proven fact. Working out will release a lot of endorphins. It’s natures natural antidepressant. • Working out boosts your testosterone level. Testosterone actually increases your confidence level by quite a bit. • It will keep your mind occupied and off your ex boyfriend. • You’ll be way more physically attractive and fit (obviously). There are many other things you can do besides working out. You can always submerse yourself into a hobby or something you’ve always wanted to take up. Personally, I love to learn about something new when I’m feeling troubled. I strongly recommend you take this as an opportunity to kick back and learn all you can about male/female psychology and basically what

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men are attracted to in a woman. If you’re anything like me, you’ll find it extremely fascinating (not to mention useful). Just remember that if you sit around feeling sorry for yourself all day, that will just be proof in your ex boyfriends eyes that you actually were a loser and that he was completely justified in dumping you. Heexpects you to sit around and wallow in your own miserable pity.That is how we are all expected to act after a breakup. You will be different. You will be cheerful and happy. You must take on the mindset that: although you cared about your ex boyfriend, this breakup is not the end of the world and possibly even a good thing. Men don’t get back together with womenwho sit around feeling sorry for themselves.They want to get back together with the women who move on faster than they do. They start to doubt themselves and wonder why you’re getting over them so fast. And then, as you’re seemingly pushing them away, enjoying your life, they instinctively react by pulling you back in. You push, they pull. Before you know it, you will have turned the tables and your ex boyfriend will be your ex no longer. He will have come crawling back to you, begging for a second chance. Take Lots of Pictures While you’re having massive amounts of fun and adventure, make sure to take lots of pictures. Digital pictures if you can. When you have these pictures of yourself and friends, make sure to post them as display pictures on your instant messenger (Windows Live Messenger, AIM, YIM, etc). You can also post them on Facebook or MySpace; basically any social networking site you and your ex both frequent.

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Seeing pictures of you and your friend having a great time will display higher value on your part while making him remember all the good times you both had together. Trust me when I say this tactic works very well.Especially if you have other handsomemen hanging off you in these photos.

Male “Orbiters” Every reasonably attractive woman has what I call “orbiters”. Guys who you know would jump at the opportunity to go out with you. You know it and they know it. They probably think you’re out of their “league”. Flirt a little bit with these guys and boost your selfconfidence a bit. Secondly, you may have had a male friend (who just thinks of you as a plutonic friend and vice versa). Most all the women I know have a few male friends they knew their boyfriend was jealous of. Use him (ethically – don’t lead him on!) to provoke jealously within your ex boyfriend. Your ex probably perceives him as being higher value than himself. Use this to your advantage. He will feel threatened and his male instincts will kick in. He’ll naturally want to compete for your attention. Hang out with him – take some pictures and post them on Facebook or MySpace.

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S

o what if your ex boyfriend is already going on dates with other women or even seeing one girl in particular? Well first of all I wouldn’t worry too much. These rebounds almost never work out. He’s using this other girl (or girls) as a means to comfort himself and ease the pain of the breakup he just had with you.

With that in mind, you need to be completely cool about it. Speaking from personal experience here, when one of my ex’s called me up (after not contacting her for a week) she immediately tried to make me jealous by alluding to a guy she was going on a date with. She knew what she was doing and so did I. But the funny thing is, even despite the fact I knew it was just a ploy to make me jealous, it still made me desire her more. Anyway, when she started going on about how she was going on a date, I was completely cool about it. I didn’t even have to act because deep down I knew the only reason she was telling me was to make me jealous. I told her I thought it was awesome and changed the subject. I didn’t act bitter, angry or hurt. I just played it off like it was nothing. If You Run Into Them Together So what if you just happen to actually meet the new woman he is dating? If you’ve read every word up until this point, I’m sure you already have a good idea what to do already. Act cool about it. • Don’t show jealousy. • Don’t show anger. • Don’t ignore him. • Don’t put him down or act rude. You need to pretty much do the opposite of the above. You need to act cheerful and happy to see them both. Shake her hand, tell her it was nice to meet her and they look great together.Do all this with a big smile on your face. Continue to make cheerful small talk and then

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excuse yourself. You need to act totally secure, calm and cool about the fact he’s with another woman. Sure you’ll be dying on the inside but you have to do everything you can to repress those insecure feelings. You can’t let them manifest themselves on the outside. The cooler you act, the more frustrated your ex will become. The woman he’s with will end up feeling threatened by your calm confidence.

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T

he vast majority of those of you currently reading this will have already gone through a breakup. However, a few of you will have purchased this program in anticipation of your looming breakup. Either way, everyone reading this will benefit in some way or another. The power of this technique can and will come in handy some day in the future. Having the peace of mind in knowing exactly how to handle a looming breakup is (without question) a huge weight off your shoulders. Now, first let me start by saying that this technique is not 100% effective. Nothing is - and if anyone claims to have all the answers they are either lying or trying to sell you something. Period. Let’s begin. The Technique… Preventing a breakup as it happens is actually pretty easy. You can “sense” when a man is losing interest in you. They stop looking at you with the same loving eyes. They pick fights with you for seemingly no reason at all. They stop giving you much neededaffection. You know the way it goes. We’ve all been there. It all culminates until he gives you “the talk”. He’ll usually start it off by saying “we need to talk” or something along those lines. Or perhaps he’ll spontaneously break up with you after picking a staged fight; using the fight as justification for the breakup itself. The trick is very counter intuitive. The big secret is that you need to agree with his decision. Or, if you know he’s just about to give you the axe, you can tell him to break up with you. I know, I know… its scary stuff. Even for me it would be scary. We fear the unknown.

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If he believes you’re fine with the breakup, you’ve managed to maintain a position of integrity. Or at least you will not have compromised it anywhere near that of any other woman. Most women react with tears, pleading and even begging in some cases. That type of behavior certainly doesn’t aid in flicking any attraction switches – that’s for sure. I’ll give you some examples as to what to say (just as he’s about to break up with you): “Jason, you’re a great guy. You make me smile. You really do. But maybe I’m not the right girl for you? Maybe we need to break up if that’s what your heart is telling you.” Or, if he’s clearly telling you he wants to break up with you: “You know, you’re probably right. You have to do what your heart tells you. If I’m not the girl for you then I’m not the girl for you. I obviously like you and all, but that’s life. Even if it sucks, that’s just the way it is. I’m sure we’ll both move on and be happy with other people eventually.” Don’t come across as bitter or hateful when you say the above. Don’t act aloof and like you don’t care either! Simply say it in a light hearted manner. Assume the mentality that he’s a great guy, but you can live your life without him. Either way life will go on. It’s important that you do not break up with him first. Even though it might seem like the right thing to do based on what you’ve learned in the previous chapters. If you break up with him first, the burden will be on you to pursuehim and initiate contact. No Contact is an important rule within this system and it won’t be nearly as effective if you are the one doing the dumping. The dynamic totally changes. That is why telling him (nicely) to break up with you is very effective. Stick closely to the script above and you’ll be fine. However, try to understand the underlying meaning and reason behind the words.

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You’re basically telling him that he’s a great guy (you like him) and that if his heart isn’t in it then it’s fine to end things. No hard feelings. This dynamic totally throws him off. It’s nowhere near how he expects you to react/behave. If He Agrees And Goes Forward With The Breakup Anyway… I also must warn you that he may agree with you at first and actually go forward with the breakup. He will probably be hesitant about it but perhaps he may still go forward and agree the breakup is for the best. Don’t panic, this is fine. You’ve managed to at least save your dignity and self-respect in his eyes. Even if he goes forward with the breakup (still) you can be certain he will be shaken and confused by your reaction. Combine this technique with No Contact and you’re almost certain to get him back. Throw in a little jealously plotline and I honestly can’t not see this working for just about anyone. Other Preventative Measures… If you know that a breakup is only a few days away, you want to get both of your adrenaline pumping. That means you need to plan an adventure and both have massive fun together. Adrenaline with help the both of you to rapidly re-bond. This is not a permanent solution. If the root of the problem is not solved, this will only delay things. Some “adventure” ideas are as follows: • Go on a vacation to an exotic resort. The new surrounding will be exciting and fresh. It’ll give you ample opportunity to reignite lost attraction by getting both of your adrenaline pumping.

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• Amusement park. If this doesn’t get your adrenaline pumping then nothing will. • Rock climbing. • Laser tag / arcade Break The Routine… Break out of the boring routine you and your boyfriend have built up over the months/years. Couples get comfortable and this comfort kills attraction. It’s boring and stale. Unfortunately, we don’t really realize this until it’s too late. I’m giving you a head start here.

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Introduction to Reward/Punishment System

W

hat do you think most women do when their boyfriend starts neglecting them and spending more time “with the guys” or watching sports than with them?

They respond with giving their man more attention and affection. Women do this in the hope that it will elicit some sort of response out of their boyfriend and sort of snap him out of his “trance”. How long do you think it will take your boyfriend to realize that giving his friends more attention than you will result in getting whatever it is he wants? Bad behavior = girlfriend giving me attention and affection and possible more sex. Most women are doing the complete opposite of what they should in fact be doing. When he ignores you and puts more of his attention toward something else, or when he gets angry or jealous for no reason, women will try to pull him in with affection because theythemselves want affection. At our core, we are being approval seeking. We want his love and affection. Reward Good Behavior Let’s first focus on rewards, because I believe them to be the more important of the two. If you reward your boyfriendat the right time, he will become addicted to your rewards and thus you’ll have very little need to “punish”him in the first place. Rewards are for the most part you giving him your validation and approval. You’re not generically giving him gifts and complimenting

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him on this and that for no reason. Rather, you want to reward hisefforts. This is the absolute best way to get your boyfriend contributing loads to the relationship. You need to reward the effort he puts in. Think about it; if you didn’t reward his good behavior, how would he know to continue doing all those good things that please you? Exactly, he simply wouldn’t. So how do you properly reward good behavior? You simply tell him what you like. Plain and simple. Let’s say you love it when your boyfriend cooks for you, and you want him doing it more often because he makes the best lasagna ever. Simply tell him as you’re eating: “Babe, you seriously have some killer lasagna making skills. Explain to me why you’re not a chef again?” Or you can take a different approach and tell him that it turns you on. Men are indeed more fixated on sex than women, so if he subconsciously believes that doing XYZ thing for you will lead to sex, he’s going to do loads more of it. I can promise you that. You just need to let him know what it is you like! People love genuine praise and appreciation because they get so very little of it. The world is full of insecure, selfish individuals who only take their approval away. You’re boyfriend is no exception and you can bet he will eventually become addicted to your validation. He wants it and you will freely give it to him, provided he’s doing good things for you, of course. Example Good Behaviour: • Buying you something. • Giving you really good, long lasting sex.

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• Cheering you up when you’re feeling down (emotional support). • Driving you somewhere. • Generally being an awesome boyfriend. You get the idea. Giving Gifts as Rewards: When & How When you give a physical gift to a man, you generally want them to be rewards for good behaviour on your boyfriend’s part. This way, your intentions can never be interpreted as approval seeking. If your boyfriend puts in effort and takes you out on the town and generally gives you a fun, adventure filled night, reward that extra effort with a gift (make sure you keep the gifts scarce and rare though) The day after the amazing adventure filled night, you can bring over a card that demonstrates you care and specifically mentions the card is a direct result of the great time he gave you. That may sound a bit strange, but I can assure you that for the next few weeks, your boyfriend will try extra hard to please you. Point being: Let him know what you are rewarding, so he can do it over and over again. A far better approach to gift giving is to invest your time and creativity into your gifts. It has the exact same effect as buying expensive material possessions, without looking like you’re trying to buy his love or impress him. Now, this isn’t to say that all gifts have to be creative. In the example above, you simply bought a cheap card and it worked wonders. Mix it up a little and use your own judgment. Just remember to always give your gift (creative or otherwise) as a reward for positive behaviour.

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Introduction

P

unish is a rather harsh word. There really is nothing harsh about what we are doing when you“punish”yourboyfriend’s bad behaviour. It needs to be done, not only out of love for yourself but also out of love for him. There are a number of ways to go about punishing your boyfriend, none of which involve getting angry, verbally abusive, manipulative or the like. In fact, those things come from a place of insecurity, which is not where we want to be coming from anyway. Even though anger as a form of punishment is far more effective than simply sucking up and doing nothing, there are even more effective ways to approach the matter. The degree of punishment will largely depend on hisbehaviour and the boundaries you set at the beginning of your relationship. You’ll be punishing your boyfriend for two main reasons: Hismood and negative actions. Removing Your Attention When it comes to small things like bad moods, simply removing your attention and not actively feedinghis bad mood is often enough. I know some women who actually try to piss off their boyfriends when they are upset. I’ve had girlfriends do this tomein the past. When your man is in a bad mood, it is generally a good idea to simply not be around him. Remove your attention from him as to not fall into his negative reality. Since your attention is a reward, removing it is a form of punishment. Most of the time, his bad mood will have nothing to do with you. It’s human nature to take out our bad moods on the people around us. Since your boyfriend is human (right?), he is no exception.

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Removing your attention isn’t just effective for mood swings either. It’s effective for anything you don’t like about his behavior. Anything at all that you shouldn’t be rewarding. WARNING: Do not make it look as though you are removing your attention specifically to get what you really want. You should not pout or act offended in any way shape or form. You simply need to carry on your day in a regular, happy manner. Removing your attention is not about ignoring your boyfriend. You should not ignore him. It is more about you simply not rewarding negative behavior with mountains of attention. Disappointment is Powerful So, what if your boyfrienddoes something? Let’s say he starts playing jealously games and flirting with other women while you’re around. Simply removing your attention from him will not make the problem go away in this case. In this scenario, your best punishment would be to confront him with your disappointment. Confront him in a cool, calm and collected manner. No anger or negative emotion. I would say something along the following lines: “You know, one of the reasons I like you so much is that you don’t play silly jealousy games like all the other guys. But lately, it seems as though you have been and I have to admit that I expected more from you.” That’s sure to put a stop to his games. He’ll probably deny that it was his intention to play games and apologize, but it doesn’t matter. Just give him a kiss on the cheek and say “alright then.”

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The Big Stick Sometimes it will be necessary for you to take out the “big stick”. At some point it will be required of you to put your foot down and make a tough decision. I’ve come to realize that in many cases you can either choose to lose your self respect, or lose your boyfriend. I don’t think at this point I need to tell you that choosing to honor your self respect over your boyfriend is the way to go. You need to be mentally prepared to tell your boyfriend to “get the hell out of my life” and be prepared for him to actually leave forever. Don’t even think about faking it either, because men can smell it when you’re not sincere. You see, the funny thing is that if you’re actually mentally prepared to let go of him, he is less likely to leave. So, what type of behavior warrants the “big stick”? Well, that really depends on your own personal values. It all depends on what you are not willing to tolerate; what your totally 100% off limit boundaries are. For me, this would be the realm of cheating, lying about serious things, blatantly disrespectful behavior, etc, etc. Serious things that go beyond him simply disappointing you. (And just for the record, I refer to the “big stick” metaphorically and not literally. I don’t literally mean take out a stick and hit anyone. That would be a cowards approach.) Some Examples Scenario: Your boyfriend starts flirting with one of your friends. The Wrong Way You proceed to flirt with one of his friends and a vicious cycle of flirting with other people to make each other jealous begins.

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The Right Way You simply remove your attention and affection from him and proceed to carry on with other activities. You are calm about the situation and you later confront him and tell him you’re disappointed in his actions. Think about it this way: when you were a teenager and you did something “wrong” like staying out way past your curfew and getting drunk, what would upset you more: a) Your parents getting mad at you, yelling and grounding you for weeks. b) Them confronting you with how disappointed they are in you and how they expected more from you. I think you know the answer.

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Work is Good

T

ell me, why do you keep your sporting trophies on the mantel? Why didn’t you throw away that stupid stuffed animal you won at the circus as a child?

Something can be utter and complete crap, but as long as you worked hard enough for it, you will place significant value on it. Its basic psychology: we value that which we have worked for. Although you’re certainly not worthless (like some stupid stuffed animal) you can increase your perceived value tenfold by letting your boyfriendinvest in you. Simply put, the more time, energy and effort he puts into pleasing you, the more he will value you as a human being. You have truly become a prize, to which he has worked to obtain. For the same reason you can’t seem to let go of your _______, she won’t be able to let go of you. Small Favours From a practical point of view, you can start by getting him to do small favours for you. Now, there is no reason to be a bitch when getting him to do these things. For God’s sake please don’t start pouting for a glass of water every two seconds and make yourself look like some sort of I-can’t-do-anything-myself typebitch. You simply can’t be afraid to expect him to invest in you. I know some girls who, when their boyfriends actually offer to do things for them, they quickly perk up and say “no no baby! Its fine, I’ll do it!” As if letting their boyfriend do something for them would be letting him down in some obscure way. Give me a break. He wants to invest in you, so let him! If your boyfriend ever offers to buy, pay or do something (within reason) for you, accept! Don’t forget to say “thank you” and reward him with your approval.

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The reward part is very important. Remember that he will eventually become addicted to these rewards, thus making him crave more. Some things you can get him to do for you: • • • • • • •

Write you a poem. Back massage. Hand massage. Any kind of massage. Surprise you with a gift. Wash your dishes. Wash your car.

Those are just some examples. Use your imagination and get him investing in you. He’ll love you all the more for it, literally. My only word of caution is that you not go overboard. Like I said before, I don’t want him waiting on you hand and foot. Occasionally get him to invest in you. Start small and work your way up, until he’s willingly cleaning your place all to better please you. I highly recommend you start doing this from the very beginning of your relationship (or your new relationship). Start small, and work your way up. If you’ve already established a pattern of negative compliance with your boyfriend, it can be difficult to put things back on the right track, which is why you will be doing yourself a huge favour to set up this behaviour at the very beginning.

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B

efore you embarked on your quest to get your ex boyfriend back, I want you to first take a step back, remove yourself emotionally and ask yourself some hard questions.

I want you to get out a piece of paper, a pen and answer the following questions: • What are the important qualities you desire in a boyfriend? • Why are those things important to you? • List a number of reservations you have when it comes to entering into a long term relationship. In other words, what are your fears? • If somebody wrote a list of things about you that fit their needs in a partner, what would they be? • What do you most enjoy in life? • What do you most appreciate about yourself? I know those questions are “deep”, but they are absolutely necessary if you are to select a quality long term girlfriend. Realize that the above questions are not so much about your boyfriend, as they are about YOU. You must know yourself before you can ever hope to trust your own judgment enough to select a long term mate (or even to get back with your ex boyfriend). The Answers You need to know what you want in a guy before you even consider getting yourself into a long term relationship. Answer the questions before you continue reading on, else you will only be doing yourself a disservice.

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Knowing exactly what you want in a man will only serve to make you more attractive. Men want a woman who knows what she wants in life, which includes knowing what qualities she looks for in man. Compatibility I’m generally not a huge fan of “traditional” relationship advice. However, when it comes to the age old advice on being compatible, I would definitely have to agree. Opposites do not attract. I believe that advice originally stems from the observation of sweet and innocent women fawning over bad boys like James Dean. Women will always be attracted to masculine men, regardless of their common interests. There is no denying this. However, if you are to have any long term success (in terms of happiness at least), you need to be with a man you enjoy for reasons other than physical attraction. Like everything in life, that shiny, pretty face will eventually fade away, leaving what behind? And even if you don’t end up growing old together, you will eventually become desensitized by each other. You’ll grow tired, and desire a fresh face. Your relationship needs to be based on more than just physical lust. There truly has to be a strong friendship behind the scenes; and as much as I distrust traditional relationship advice, I wholeheartedly stand by this old piece of wisdom. Common Passion Wondering why I made you list what you are passionate about in life? It’s simple really. You and your boyfriend should share a common passion. This truly is one of those oh-so-obvious yet oh-sooverlooked things. So many girls just jump into a relationship with either the first hot guy that shows a bit of interest inher or the first man who presents himself as a challenge. Don’t fall into that trap. Figure out what you have fun doing in life and find a man who shares as many of those same passions as possi-

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ble. Even if it’s just one, it will be more than enough, considering most couples share a total of zero actualpassions. This really is important because you don’t ever want to change who you are as a person just to fit into your boyfriend’s reality.

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CONGRATULATIONS! Well, you’re finally done. You should pat yourself on the back. Not many people decide to take control of their love lives. You did. I recommend that you actually read this eBook over many more times. Personally, I find that the second time I read a book, the more information seems to magically pop out at me. Even when I’m reading a book for the fifth time, new information will seemingly come out of nowhere. Congratulations on your read. I hope you enjoyed every page and had many “ah-ha” moments. Kudos, Matt

Exclusive 1-ON-1 Personal Consultation If you believe you need extra help getting your ex boyfriend back CLICK HERE to learn how to get my “secret e-mail” address. I’ll be more than happy to hear your unique story and personally address any specific problems you may have. It’s tough going through a breakup by yourself… but with me by your side helping you every step of the way, I’m sure things will work out in your favor. Click here to unlock my secret e-mail address…

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