Fridays Tinder Guide_ENG

Friday’s Tinder Guide

How to begin… I’ve been doing tinder for about six months now, and have found my current girlfriend whom I’m in an open relationship with on it as well. My game is pretty specifically suited for me, because I have tailored it to find the women I actually want. And what I personally want is actual relationships with women. Sorry, if you’re looking for a guide to hook up with girls easily and effectively, you should check out RSD Juliens stuff or whoever floats your boat in that regard. If you are not interested in women as potential partners, romantic flings or general experiences that enhance your being and let you find out more about yourself, form you into a more mature man, future husband, father etc…. Then no need to read on, my friend. I do believe there are actually many guys out there who actually are looking for the same thing as I am though, so I thought I’d write down my two cents… Off we go. About text messages via tinder and in general Keep them valuable. Value is hard enough thing to understand if you’re beginning with this whole endeavour. Basically value – in text –means you are conveying through text, that you are a person of value. There are multiple angles of defining value that I don’t want to get into so I will just go with my gut-feeling of the definition that has evolved over the years. Value = A person other people look up to and seek for guidance, help, sex or friendship. Why are you valuable? You’ll have to answer that for yourself. A thing I CAN tell you is, however, when you APPEAR valuable. Now, keep in mind, there is no faking it until you make it in actual dating! It will work with the odd hook-up or so, but for actually connecting with people there is no way around being genuine. So the examples given here are just a way to understand where you are headed, in order to more accurately walk the path in becoming the chooser – one character trait I consider highly valuable. It’s pretty basic, in order to know where to aim, you gotta see the target. So in finishing this little introduction I will ask you – for your own sake – to look at these examples as what they are. They are just some concepts and questions that a guy who has done this for a while and has found out what he wants, has come up with over the years. So if you’re like me: Maybe ask yourself what you find valuable – and screen women for it. What is generally perceived as value? Answer: Things that portray one of the following: -

You’re leading a busy life and don’t have much time. E.g. very short, brief messages that get to the point. You don’t care about what people think about you. E.g. your texts are edgy, self-amusing, imaginative and/or unapologetic. In essence: FUN. You screen. E.g. qualify or disqualify.

I tend to use a mix of the three, mostly concentrating on the latter, with the occasional trip to edgy, sexy, funny etc.

Of course, crazy direct „whats a dirty puppy like you doing in XY“, „lets fuck. Shoot me your number” etc. works at times. And they have their place if you’re just visiting and wanna filter out your friend for the night real fast. But these messages tend to burn your leads extremely, so I don’t recommend them for your own city. And especially not if you want to find someone that you can relate to emotionally, morally, humor-wise or what have you, next to the physical aspect. There are obviously other mindsets that work just as well and in many cases, even better. Simple vibing and shooting the shit, future or past projections, imaginative stories, exaggerations, ridiculous requests, etc. etc. I tend to think, thinking and talking freely works awesome in person, but over text, especially tinder, I advise to capture interest first, in order to make sure she will respond right away and not wait three days. All funny lines and cocky humour goes out the window when there are several days between the texts. Wittiness is best when “shot from the hip”, meaning it has to be a high value back and forth. At the bare minimum, you provide the value, she responds quickly. Easy play. In order to have a comprehensive view on this matter, you should go out and try what suits you best. I will concentrate on telling you how I find women and attract women that interest me, which is why I ask the questions I ask. Now. Simply screening is weird, and only bantering and making small talk leads nowhere, so I found that the best balance between dominance, engaging her, being interesting and coming across as the “chooser” is done by a pretty simple formula. In essence, you lead with interesting questions that revolve around a certain EMOTION or a deeprooted NEED. Secondly, you engage her in her answer. You reward her investment. In order to not get side-tracked, you keep it at one or two responses max. Then come back to your questions. That’s it. Repeat a few times, every time getting more deep and personal. In the end you feel like you actually KNOW that person, at least you know things about them that makes you want to meet them – or: delete them. Again, this is just the way I do it. But if you are not only looking to hook up with chicks but find and meet women that you could actually give a fuck about… And you want to connect with them on an emotional level that has a serious chance of becoming relationship-material or a romance with optional friendship – at an effective rate – This is what I have found to work best for me. Now, how do you lead but be emotionally intelligent about it and don’t come off as an asshole with an arrogant attitude? Well, you respond to what she says. It’s the old hoop theory, only that you do jump through her hoop, then take it away and get back to business – YOUR HOOP, and if you don’t like the way she jumps through it, she fails. And she will know that. If what she says catches your interest, good! That’s awesome. But don’t exaggerate with the enthusiasm. At least in the beginning.

So let’s get practical…

I now begin every text convo with some value. The more personal and in relation to her profile/pictures, the better. Example, she has a pic with her and an old-timer-car: “Are you insane?! That is Hitler’s car!!” She only has pictures of her face from the left: “So you’re a lefty, huh.” It doesn’t have to be that extravagant. Just make it an observation that actually relates to her. That’ll be enough. After all, she swiped you right, too. She responds. I respond. Playfully. Then – Whatever she says next – IGNORE and ask your first interesting question. The man dictates the rhythm of the interaction. The first question is interesting, but not too personal…To some this is known as buying temperature or investment. In essence, she doesn’t know you yet in order for her to make a commitment of divulging sensitive, personal information. If a stranger asks you on the street for directions, it’s cool. If he asks whether or not your parents are divorced, weird. However, if the two of you start talking and find some commonalities first, you might want to answer such a question. First Question: -

Alright Sandra, name your three favorite musical artists (alternatively: movies) Alright Sandra, if you were a superhero, what’s your secret special super-power? Alright Sandra, how good are you at pillow-fights. Scale of 1 to 10. What was your last concert? She responds.

Respond to what she says. If you feel playful, be playful. If you feel dominant, a simple “why” might be enough. All depending on her response and your intuition of how invested she is. She gives you an answer. Ignore it. Next question. -

So how good are you in contact with your exes? What was the nicest thing you’ve done for an ex-boyfriend? Do you have any role-models? So what kind of a person were you in middle-school? She answers.

Go into detail regarding her response, if she asks the same to you, answer back. Justify your response with an EMOTION you feel IN THAT CONTEXT. Example: So how good are you in contact with your exes? (when she asks about me, I say why I am still in good contact with every one of them and I find

that important. It says a lot about how you value your relationship. You loved them once, so that must have been for a reason. Etc. Etc.) At this point, really share something about yourself. Ask where she’s from if you haven’t already, and maybe banter back and forth for 2-4 texts. 3rd question (at this point being this personal is absolutely justified) -

(My two personal favorites all you fuckers are gonna steal now:) So what are you looking for in a man? When was the last time you cried? …

Again you can in turn respond back to her answer, but after that, get back on track. At this point you switch to whatsapp. Use whatever works for you. I usually go with “Alright enough of this. Whatsapp me. 555 – 987654321”, “You know what? Fuck tinder. Message me. 555 – 987654321”, “Alright, it’s time to switch numbers ;) message me 555 – 987654321”… There are so many possibilities, honestly a simple “Cool. Here’s my number. Shoot me a text” is enough. At this point SHE IS INTERESTED. Haha. The magic of whatsapp Honestly whatsapp revolutionized my game. It completely got rid of the old debate “What is better, phone game or text game?” for me. Here is why. A great value dropper at this stage is leaving a voicemail on whatsapp. The great thing about whatsapp voice-messages, is that it’s basically a phone-call, only one that she cannot NOT accept. She can leave the phone ringing but she can’t ignore your whatsapp voice-message. Leaving her the option how to respond. But just you speaking in your deep… slow… voice… is something that cannot be conveyed in text and is EXTREMELY sexy. The first voice message should come at a moment that calls for a long response. As in, she asked you a complex question and you answer it in detail, and writing it all down would take too long, or you are sad and don’t feel like writing, whatever the reason, there should be a reason. Also, try making it purely a statement. No question. Usually you will get something along the lines of “wow. Haha. I wasn’t expecting this” from her at that point, and you continue via voice message that way.

Basic principle: Don’t waste time. Have fun listening to her voice for a few turns, or just continue texting. Whatever you do, don’t get lost in phone-land and… SET UP THE DATE.
If not possible logistically atm then DON’T TEXT ANYMORE, unless its short simple bullshit “how you doing” answers that were initiated by HER. Even then, keep it brief. Keep up the mystery and don’t let your relationship become a text message relationship. When you finally are free and logistics are looking good, then ASK HER OUT. By asking out I mean, say we should do this and that together. It will be fun, adventure.

Well… That’s basically it. =) In conclusion I want to add some scenarios that might turn up.

What to do if she starts asking you the questions… In general, that is a good thing. Obviously she is interested. But remember, the person who asks the most questions, decides in which direction the conversation is going – and so dominates it. If it is getting out of hand, stop her, maybe even call her on it with a teasing “A lot of questions there miss. Are you always that inquisitive? ;)” or “Alright, enough. My turn to ask the questions.” and ask. Or something to that effect. I have been told time and time again, that they think I am the “chooser”, and I come across as being selective and interesting. That is a good thing. If they test you on it, test them right back. She says: “Oh didn’t know this was a interrogation” You respond: “just trying to get to know you. Is that a bad thing?” Done. Flipped. And answer TRUTHFULLY. This thing only works if you don’t try too hard and genuinely are honest about your feelings, needs and opinions. And you care about hers. Re-openers If for whatever reason the conversation has died out and she has yet to respond to something you said (and hasn’t for a few days, although she was online), I generally respond with some value. Again. Just like the first opener. My favorite two re-openers (Both these things actually happened to me): -

„Jeeeeeeez, I was just berated by a homeless woman that wants to ride skateboard and has a boyfriend of 3 years but is ten years older than her. But what’s important is that they are taking it slow! Never had sex before. Mhm [Insert index finger emoticon here]

-

An approx. Ten-year old boy just flipped me the bird on the train. Then, still looking at me while walking, he stumbled and smashed to the ground face first. I don’t know whether or not to laugh or feel sorry…

A re-open to me is an excuse to SHARE AN EMOTION. The story that comes with it is just packaging. I convey the feeling I had in the moment, and that is relatable. Try making your own stories this way. If she takes her time: Don’t worry. And don’t take as much time in spite or having a false sense of ego that got hurt. I have my own rule regarding this: Number one, I relax. Secondly, I try to respond in about half the time it took her to respond. She needs a day, I respond after six hours. She needs two days, I need one. She responds right away, so do I.

This is really only a guideline for the beginning. Usually you can get the number within the first or second conversation. Should it take longer for her to respond ALL THE TIME and you have been responding at half-the-times-rate… And you know she finally is online again, after a few days of this sporadic back and forth, then JUST RESPOND right away. Keep it alive. She obviously has the habit of being away from her phone for a while, so seize the moment while its there. One more thing. Leave on a high note. That’s where I incorporate the first indicator of value I talked about in the beginning. If the conversation has been productive and I feel like it is a good moment to end it for now, I say something to the effect of “Alright Sandra, I’m having some friends coming over and I gotta be social. I’ll write you tomorrow.”

That pretty much covers it from my end. For the rest of my attitude I follow general guidelines expressed in so many articles regarding textgame. I guess that’s it – hope that wasn’t too much of a rambling =) Let me know what you guys think or if you have similar experiences. Peace and Love,

Friday