Frank Zappa - Lyrics Book

Freak Out! (The Mothers Of Invention, 2LP, Verve/MGM V/V6-5005-2, June 27, 1966) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15.

Hungry Freaks, Daddy 3:27 I Ain't Got No Heart 2:33 Who Are The Brain Police? 3:33 Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder (FZ/Collins) 3:39 Motherly Love 2:43 How Could I Be Such A Fool 2:11 Wowie Zowie 2:51 You Didn't Try To Call Me 3:16 Any Way The Wind Blows 2:54 I'm Not Satisfied 2:38 You're Probably Wondering Why I'm Here 3:38 Trouble Every Day 5:49 Help, I'm A Rock 4:43 It Can't Happen Here 3:55 The Return Of The Son Of Monster Magnet 12:16 Sunset-Highland Studios of TTG March 9-12, 1966 Produced by: Tom Wilson Director of engineering: Val Valentin The world's most patient engineers: Ami Hadani & Tom Hidley

Cover design: Jack Anesh Cover photo: Ray Leong

The Mothers of Invention: Frank Zappa--Musical director, guitar & vocals Ray Collins--Lead vocalist, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin & tweezers Jim Black--Drums (also sings in some foreign language) Roy Estrada--Bass & guitarron; boy soprano Elliot Ingber--Alternate lead & rhythm guitar with clear white light THE MOTHERS' AUXILIARY Gene Estes--percussion Eugene Di Novi--piano Neil Le Vang--guitar John Rotella--clarinet, sax Kurt Reher--cello Raymond Kelley--cello Paul Bergstrom--cello Emmet Sargeant--cello Joseph Saxon--cello Edwin V. Beach--cello Arthur Maebe--French horn, tuba George Price--French horn John Johnson--tuba? Carol Kaye--12-string guitar Virgil Evans--trumpet David Wells--trombone Kenneth Watson--percussion

Plas Johnson--sax, flute Roy Caton--copyist Carl Franzoni--voice Vito--voice Kim Fowley--(Featured on hypophone) Benjamin Barrett--contractor David Anderle + Motorhead Sherwood--noises Mac Rebennack (aka Dr John)--piano Paul Butterfield Les McCann--piano Jeannie Vassoir--(the voice of Cheese)

1. Hungry Freaks, Daddy 3:27

• Mothermania Mister America Walk on by Your schools that do not teach Mister America Walk on by The minds that won't be reached Mister America Try to hide The emptiness that's you inside When once you find that the way you lied And all the corny tricks you tried Will not forestall the rising tide of Hungry freaks, Daddy . . . They won't go For no more Great mid-western hardware store Philosophy that turns away From those who aren't afraid to say What's on their minds (The left-behinds of the Great Society) Hungry freaks, Daddy . . . Mister America Walk on by Your supermarket dream Mister America Walk on by The liquor store supreme Mister America Try to hide The product of your savage pride The useful minds that it denied The day you shrugged and stepped aside You saw their clothes and then you cried: THOSE HUNGRY FREAKS, DADDY! They won't go For no more Great mid-western hardware store Philosophy that turns away From those who aren't afraid to say What's on their minds (The left-behinds of the Great Society)

You say your heart is only mine I say to you: "You must be blind!" What makes you think that you're SO FINE? That I would throw away The 'groovy' life I lead? 'Cause, baby, what you got, yeah, It sure ain't what I need Girl you'd better go Girl you'd better go away I think that life with you would be Just not quite the thing for me Why is it so hard to see my way? Why should I be stuck with you It's just not what I want to do Why should an embrace or two Make me such a part of you? I ain't got no heart to give away 3. Who Are The Brain Police? 3:33

• Mothermania What will you do if we let you go home, And the plastic's all melted, And so is the chrome? WHO ARE THE BRAIN POLICE? What will you do when the label comes off, And the plastic's all melted, And the chrome is too soft? WAAAAHHHHHH! I think I'm gonna die . . . I think I'm gonna die . . . I think I'm going to die . . . I think I'm going to die . . . I think I'm going to die . . . I think I'm going to die . . . I'm gonna die . . . I think I'm going to die . . . I think I'm gonna die . . . I'm going to die . . . I think I'm gonna die . . . I think I'm gonna die . . . I think I'm gonna die . . . Going to die!

2. I Ain't Got No Heart 2:33

• Joe's Corsage • FZ:OZ • Tinsel Town Rebellion Ain't got no heart I ain't got no heart To give away I sit and laugh At fools in love There ain't no such thing As love No angels singing Up above today Girl I don't believe Girl I don't believe In what you say

WHO ARE THE BRAIN POLICE? What will you do if the people you knew Were the plastic that melted, And the chromium too? WHO ARE THE BRAIN POLICE? 4. Go Cry On Someboy Else's Shoulder 3:39 (FZ/Collins)

• Joe's Corsage A year ago today Was when you went away But now you come back knockin' on my door And you say you're back to stay, But I say . . .

Go cry On somebody else's shoulder I'm somewhat wiser now And one whole year older I sure don't need you now And I don't love you Anymore You cheated me baby, And told some dirty lies about me Fooled around with all those other guys That's why I had to set you free I sure don't need you now And I don't love you Anymore A year ago today You went away And now you come back cryin', cryin' Darling, please, let me in But I don't need you No, I don't love you anymore So go lean on . . . go cry on Somebody else's door Go cry On somebody else's shoulder I'm somewhat wiser now And one whole year older I sure don't need you now And I don't love you Anymore (Oh, my darling!) Go ahead and cry Go ahead and let the tears fall out of your eye (Darling) Let 'em fall on your dress Who cares if it makes a mess? I gave you my high school ring At the root beer stand We had a teen-age love, baby I thought it was sharp It was really so grand . . . but You cheated me baby And told some dirty lies about me Fooled around with all those other guys That's why I had to get my khakis pressed I sure don't need you now And I don't love you Anymore (Ba-ay-by) Baby, (I-I-I-I) I love you so much, darling (I, oh, I love you) Why don't you dig me? (Ba-ay-by) I . . . I dig you But you don't dig me (Oh, I need you) I don't understand what it is (Ba-ay-by) I . . . I had my car re-upholstered I got my hair processed (Oh, I love you) I got a nice pompadour job on it (Oh, my baby) I bought a new pair of shoes (Oh, my love) I got some new khakis and I met you And we went out to get a Coca-Cola . . .

5. Motherly Love 2:43

• Joe's Corsage Motherly love Motherly love Forget about The brotherly and other-ly love Motherly love Is just the thing for you You know your Mothers' gonna love ya Till ya don't know what to do The Mothers got love That'll drive ya mad They're ravin' 'bout the way we do No need to feel lonely . . . No need to feel sad, If we ever get a hold on you What you need is . . . Motherly love (Come on, get it now) Motherly love Forget about The brotherly and other-ly love Motherly love Is just the thing for you You know your Mothers' gonna love ya Till ya don't know what to do Nature's been good To this here band Don't ever think we're shy Send us up some little groupies And we'll take their hands And rock 'em till they sweat and cry What you need is . . . Motherly love (Get it now) Motherly love Forget about The brotherly and other-ly love Motherly love Is just the thing for you You know your Mothers' gonna love ya Till ya don't know what to do We can love ya Till ya have a heart attack You'd best believe that's true We'll bite your neck And scratch your back Till you don't know what to do What you need is . . . Motherly love Motherly love Forget about The brotherly and other-ly love Motherly love Is just the thing for you You know your Mothers' gonna love ya Till ya don't know what to do You know I've got a little motherly love for you baby, yeah You know I've got a little motherly love for you honey, yeah You know it doesn't bother me at all That you're only eighteen years old 'Cause I got a little motherly love for you baby

6. How Could I Be Such A Fool 2:11

• Joe's Corsage • The Old Masters Box One Mystery Disc • Cruising With Ruben & The Jets • FZ:OZ

Just the other day I got so shook up I dreamed of you in the afternoon I dream of you each mornin' I dream of you each night Just the other day I got so shook up I had a flash in the afternoon

When I won your love I was very glad Every happiness in the world Belonged to me Then our love was lost And you went away Now I shed my tears In lonely misery

Wowie Zowie, baby Love me do Wowie Zowie and I'll love you too Wowie Zowie, baby I'll be true I don't even care If your dad's the heat

I know now that you never ever Really loved me It hurts me now to think you never ever Really cared I sit and ask myself a thousand times To try and find What really happened To the love That we shared

(Wowie Zowie . . . )

How could I be such a fool How could I believe All those lies you told me How could I be taken in By your sweet face You spoiled our love You ruined my life I'm so tore down I'm a terrible disgrace But there will come a time And you'll regret the way You treated me As if I was a fool And didn't know The many times you lied About your love for me Someone else is gonna know That your love was just a show

Wowie Wowie Zowie Wowie Wowie Zowie Wowie Wowie Zowie Wowie Wowie Zowie Wowie Wowie Zowie Wowie Wowie Zowie Wowie . . . 8. You Didn't Try To Call Me 3:16

• Cruising With Ruben & The Jets • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol.1 You didn't try to call me Why didn't ya try, didn't ya try Didn't ya know I was lonely? No matter who I take home I keep on callin' your name And you . . . I need you so bad You're The One, babe

How could I be such a fool? 7. Wowie Zowie 2:51 Wowie Zowie Your love's a treat Wowie Zowie You can't be beat Wowie Zowie, baby You're so neat I don't even care If you shave your legs Wowie Zowie, baby You're so fine Wowie Zowie, baby Please be mine Wowie Zowie Up and down my spine I don't even care If you brush your teeth Dream of you each mornin' I dream of you each night

Tell me, tell me Who's lovin' ya now 'Cause it worries my mind, And I can't sleep at all I stayed home on Friday Just to wait for your call And you didn't try to call me Why didn't ya try, didn't ya try Didn't ya know I was lonely? No matter who I take home I keep on callin' your name And you . . . I need you so bad You're The One, babe Tell me, tell me Who's lovin' ya now 'Cause it worries my mind, And I can't sleep at all I stayed home on Friday Just to wait for your call

I can't say what's right or what's wrong But I love you All ya gotta do is call me, babe 'Cause I want you You make me feel So excited, girl I got so hung up on you From the moment that we met, That no matter how I try, I can't keep the tears From running down my face, I'm all alone at my place You didn't try to call me Why didn't ya try, didn't ya try Didn't ya know I was lonely? (Baby . . . ) Why didn't ya try, didn't ya try (I say, please!) Didn't ya know I was lonely? I stayed home all afternoon, man I was working on my car I fixed the upholstery I fixed the seat so it would tilt back We were going to go to the drive-in And you didn't call me, man I waited, it was Friday night, I remember, man It was nine o'clock and I was sitting on home I was still watching television and you didn't try to call me We'd been going steady for six weeks And . . . I thought you were my teen-age thrill I thought you were my teen angel, man But you didn't call me I dig you so much, man, why didn't you call me If you could have seen me in the afternoon I was hung up, I even washed the car I, I reprimered the right front fender, man We were gonna go, we were gonna go out And get some root beer afterwards, man (Baby!) And I was gonna show everybody my new carburettor (Baby!) And you didn't try to call me (Girl!) 9. Any Way The Wind Blows 2:54

• The Lost Episodes • Joe's Corsage • Cruising With Ruben & The Jets Any way the wind blows Is-a fine with me Any way the wind blows It don't matter to me 'Cause I'm thru with-a fussin' And-a fightin' with-a you I went out and found a woman Who is gonna be true She makes me oh so happy now I'm never ever blue Any way the wind blows Any way the wind blows Any way the wind blows She is my heart and soul And she loves me tenderly Now my story can be told Just how good she is to me Yes, she treats me like she loves me And she never makes me cry I'm gonna stick with her

Till the day I die She's not like you, baby She would never ever lie Any way the wind blows Any way the wind blows Any way the wind blows Any way the wind blows Any way the wind blows Any way the wind blows Now that I am free From the troubles of the past Took me much too long to see That our romance couldn't last I'm gonna go away And leave you standing at the door I'll tell you, pretty baby, I won't be back no more 'Cause you don't even know What love is for Any way the wind blows Any way the wind blows Any way the wind blows 10. I'm Not Satisfied 2:38

• Cruising With Ruben & The Jets • FZ:OZ Yeah! Got no place to go (I'm tired of walking Up and down the street all by myself) No love left for me to give (I tried and tried But no one wants me the way I am) Why should I pretend I like To roam from door to door Maybe I'll just kill myself I just don't care no more Because I'm not satisfied Everything I've tried I don't like the way Life has been abusing me Yeah! Yeah! Who would care If I was gone (I never met no one Who'd care if I was dead and gone) Who needs me To care for them (Nobody needs me Why should I just hang around?) Why should I just sit and watch While the others smile I just wish that someone cared If I was happy for a while Because I'm not satisfied Everything I've tried I don't like the way Life has been abusing me Yeah!

11. You're Probably Wondering Why I'm Here 3:38

• Mothermania Bop bop-bop bop-bop bop-BOW Bop bop-bop bop-bop bop-BOW You're probably wondering Why I'm here And so am I So am I Just as much as you wonder 'Bout me bein' in this place (Yeah!) That's just how much I marvel At the lameness on your face You rise each day the same old way And join your friends out on the street Spray your hair And think you're neat I think your life is incomplete But maybe that's not for me to say They only pay me here to play (I wanna hear Caravan with a drum sola!) You're probably wondering Why I'm here And so am I So am I Just as much as you wonder 'Bout me starin' back at you (Yeah!) That's just how much I question The corny things you do You paint your face and then you chase To meet the gang where the action is Stomp all night And drink your fizz Roll your car and say "Gee whiz!" You tore a big hole in your convertible top What will you tell your Mom and Pop? (Mom, I tore a big hole in the convertible) You're probably wondering Why I'm here And so am I So am I Just as much as you wonder If I mean just what I say (Yeah!) That's just how much I question The social games you play You told your Mom you're stoked on Tom And went for a cruise in Freddie's car Tommy's asking Where you are You boogied all night in a cheesy bar Plastic boots and plastic hat And you think you know where it's at? You're probably wondering Why I'm here (Not that it makes a heck of a lot of a difference to ya)

12. Trouble Every Day 5:49

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol. 5 • Roxy & Elsewhere • Does Humor Belong In Music? • The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Well I'm about to get sick From watchin' my TV Been checkin' out the news Until my eyeballs fail to see I mean to say that every day Is just another rotten mess And when it's gonna change, my friend Is anybody's guess So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin' Hopin' for the best Even think I'll go to prayin' Every time I hear 'em sayin' That there's no way to delay That trouble comin' every day No way to delay That trouble comin' every day Wednesday I watched the riot . . . Seen the cops out on the street Watched 'em throwin' rocks and stuff And chokin' in the heat Listened to reports About the whisky passin' 'round Seen the smoke and fire And the market burnin' down Watched while everybody On his street would take a turn To stomp and smash and bash and crash And slash and bust and burn And I'm watchin' and I'm waitin' Hopin' for the best Even think I'll go to prayin' Every time I hear 'em sayin' That there's no way to delay That trouble comin' every day No way to delay That trouble comin' every day Well, you can cool it, You can heat it . . . 'Cause, baby, I don't need it . . . Take your TV tube and eat it 'N all that phony stuff on sports 'N all the unconfirmed reports You know I watched that rotten box Until my head begin to hurt From checkin' out the way The newsman say they get the dirt Before the guys on channel so-and-so And further they assert That any show they'll interrupt To bring you news if it comes up They say that if the place blows up They will be the first to tell, Because the boys they got downtown Are workin' hard and doin' swell, And if anybody gets the news Before it hits the street, They say that no one blabs it faster Their coverage can't be beat

And if another woman driver Gets machine-gunned from her seat They'll send some joker with a brownie And you'll see it all complete So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin' Hopin' for the best Even think I'll go to prayin' Every time I hear 'em sayin' That there's no way to delay That trouble comin' every day No way to delay That trouble comin' every day Hey, you know something people? I'm not black But there's a whole lots a times I wish I could say I'm not white Well, I seen the fires burnin' And the local people turnin' On the merchants and the shops Who used to sell their brooms and mops And every other household item Watched the mob just turn and bite 'em And they say it served 'em right Because a few of them are white, And it's the same across the nation Black and white discrimination Yellin' "You can't understand me!" 'N all that other jazz they hand me In the papers and TV and All that mass stupidity That seems to grow more every day Each time you hear some nitwit say He wants to go and do you in Because the color of your skin Just don't appeal to him (No matter if it's black or white) Because he's out for blood tonight You know we got to sit around at home And watch this thing begin But I bet there won't be many live To see it really end 'Cause the fire in the street Ain't like the fire in the heart And in the eyes of all these people Don't you know that this could start On any street in any town In any state if any clown Decides that now's the time to fight For some ideal he thinks is right And if a million more agree There ain't no Great Society As it applies to you and me Our country isn't free And the law refuses to see If all that you can ever be Is just a lousy janitor Unless your uncle owns a store You know that five in every four Just won't amount to nothin' more Gonna watch the rats go across the floor And make up songs about being poor Blow your harmonica, son! 13. Help, I'm A Rock 4:43

• Ahead Of Their Time includes an extract from Who Are The Brain Police?

Kim Fowley--vocals

Help, I'm a rock Help, I'm a rock Help, I'm a rock Help, I'm a rock Hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah Ay-yo ee-ow-ee-ow-ee Veni-ma-no too mah Veni veni ka toree tor (see'dra votra nee!) Vedi-vedi ki-ta-la tom-bay Vel-lay ka-la tay-la-tor Vel-lay kay-la ta-la-sor Vel-lay kay-lay ka-la-tor Vel-lay kay-la sa-la-tay Vor-a kor-ay tor-a-tor Vel-la kay-la sa-la tch'ay Vor-a kor-ay kay-a la kur'ad Vor-a silli kay-t'ay tcha-to Vor-a kay-ay tay-lay tay-ay tcha-to Klanna-tholl Klanna-tholl Klanna-tholl Pik-a-dill-a do-tchay Pik-a-li-sa no-say (o-ooh) Bi-ni-bi-ni me-ho-la-ka ta-ka-ho-ba Say-kay pay-tay-ho-a-la tur-i-ca (Mee-oo-da-ra) Chil-li pil-li ka-zi-o-bi-a bee bee bee bee (Do-dee-bop) You know...(a-mad hee) (Arrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee...) Oooooooooooaaaaaaaaaa... OOOOaaaaaaaaaaa.........(ah, hah) O-wee ya yo yo yo a-ki-o wee A-ki-o-ka a-yi-a-ee A-ki-o-ka o-ki-o-wee A-ki-o-ka o-ki-o-wee A-ki-o-ka o-ki-o-wee A-ki-o-ka o-ki-o-wee A ki-o-ka o-wee-say ya-vo Pedi-goh Pedi-koh Ann-i tcho-ee-see-na Per-a-ko-ee-say Kar-ra May-a-ta Uh-oh Uh-oh Uh-oh Uh-oh Uh-oh Hay-lo Pray-lo Say la do sa ka ho-say Vay-lay ko say-let-a-no Vay-la ka sa la to-shay Va-la ko-lo-tay Ay-o Lay-o Lay-o Aaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaa O-ha o-ha yew Ah-yew Lay la-fan ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

Help, I'm a rock! Help, I'm a rock! Help, I'm a rock! Somebody! Help, I'm a rock! Please! Help, I'm a rock! Please! Help, I'm a rock! Please! Help, I'm a rock! Wow! Help, I'm a rock! Wow! Help, I'm a rock! Help, I'm a rock! Somebody helps me Wow, man, it's a drag being a rock (Help, I'm a rock) (Help, I'm a rock) (Help, I'm a rock) I wish I was anything but a rock Heck, I'd even like to be a policeman Hey, you know what? You know maybe if I practice, you know Maybe if I pass my driving test I could get a gig drivin' that bus that pick the freaks up In front of Ben Frank's, right? Help, I'm a cop! Help, I'm a cop! Help, I'm a cop! Help, I'm a cop! (Help, I'm a rock) Help, I'm a cop! (Help, I'm a rock) It's a drag being a cop I think I'd rather be the mayor Always wondered what I was gonna be when I grew up, you know Always wondered whether or not . . . whether or not I could make it You know, in society, because, You know, it's a drag when you're rejected So I tore the cover off a book of matches And I sent in And I got this letter back that said . . . 14. It Can't Happen Here 3:55

• Mothermania includes a quote from Funiculì Funiculà (Denza) It can't happen here It can't happen here I'm telling you, my dear That it can't happen here Because I been checkin' it out, baby I checked it out a couple a times But I'm telling you It can't happen here Oh darling, it's important that you believe me (Bop bop bop bop) That it can't happen here Who could imagine that they would freak out somewhere in Kansas . . . (Kansas . . . Kansas . . . Kansas . . . Kansas . . . ) (Kansas, Kansas, do-do-dun to-to

Kansas, Kansas, la la la) (Kansas, Kansas, do-do-dun to-to Kansas, Kansas) Who could imagine that they would freak out in Minnesota . . . (Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi . . . ) (Mama Minnesota, Mama Minnesota, Mama Minnesota, Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma Mama Minnesota, Mama Minnesota, Mama Minnesota, Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma Mama Minnesota) Who could imagine . . . Who could imagine That they would freak out in Washington, D.C. (AC/DC bop-bop-bop) (AC/DC do-do-do-dun, AC/DC Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma, AC/DC) But it can't happen here Oh baby, it can't happen here (AC/DC bop-bop-bop) Oh baby, it can't happen here (AC/DC bop-bop-bop) It can't happen here Everybody's safe and it can't happen here (AC/DC bop-bop-bop) No freaks for us (AC/DC bop-bop-bop) It can't happen here (AC/DC bop-bop-bop) Everybody's clean and it can't happen here No, no, it won't happen here (No, no, it won't happen here) (AC/DC bop-bop-bop) I'm telling you it can't (AC/DC bop-bop-bop) It won't happen here Bop-bop-ditty-bop (I'm not worried at all, I'm not worried at all) Ditty-bop-bop-bop Plastic folks, you know It won't happen here You're safe, mama (No no no) You're safe, baby (No no no) You just cook a tv dinner (No no no) And you make it Bop bop bop (No no no) Oh, we're gonna get a tv dinner and cook it up (No no no no no no no!) Oh, get a tv dinner and cook it up Cook it up Oh, and it won't happen here Who could imagine That they would freak out in the suburbs! (No no no no no no no no no no Man you guys are really safe Everything's cool) I remember (tu-tu) I remember (tu-tu) I remember (tu-tu) They had a swimming pool I remember (tu-tu) I remember (tu-tu) They had a swimming pool I remember (tu-tu) I remember (tu-tu) They had a swimming pool And they thought it couldn't happen here (duh duh duh) They knew it couldn't happen here

They were so sure it couldn't happen here But . . . Suzy . . . Yes yes, oh yes--I've always felt that Yes, I agree man, it really makes it . . . yeah . . . It's a real THING, man, it really makes it FZ: Suzy, you just got to town, and we've been . . . we've been very interested in your development Suzy: Forget it! Hmmmmmmmmm (It can't happen here)

Moy jing-ya veraña ba keesh-eet (faster) Moytch moytch ver-rate ver-rate (faster, higher) Ba-yay-ga va-yay . . . Faster, faster, faster, faster, faster, higher, higher, faster, faster, higher, higher, higher, higher Flashing . . . flashing . . . flashing . . . Creamcheese, creamcheese, cream . . . Creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese, Creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese Creamcheese . . . Creamcheese Creamcheese . . . Creamcheese, creamcheese Creamcheese . . .

15. The Return Of The Son Of Monster Magnet 12:16 includes what some people would call a quote from Louie Louie (Richard Berry)

Reversed: Creamcheese . . . cream ch-ch-ch-cheese Creamcheese . . .

FZ: Suzy? Suzy: Yes FZ: Suzy Creamcheese? Suzy: Yes FZ: This is the voice of your conscience baby, uh . . . I just want to check one thing out with ya, you don't mind, do ya? Suzy: What? FZ: Suzy Creamcheese, honey, what's got into ya? Cream . . . cheese . . . Oh, wow, yeah, man It's happening, man (Ba-jo-la jinga) Flashing, man! America's wonderful! Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful It really makes it Cream-cheese (Wai-ka-vo-jeen-ya do-ra-man-ya . . . ) Oh, yeah, man, crazy, man, flashing, man (Ma ga-yay-go va-tcha kam Ba-jinga wai-ya ka-ma-tay . . . ) Oh, wow, yeah, man It's happening, man (Ba-jo-la jinga) Flashing, man! Flashing, man, flashing man Oh, wow! Crazy, man (Skies are blue, baby!) It really makes it Oh, no . . . Yes! (Funcha, funcha veni meh ka em ma ka-ta-cheek) Flashing, man! Flashing . . . flashing . . .

Speeded-up: (Cheese) Cheese-cream, cream-cheese (Creamcheese) Creamcheese, creamcheese . . . creamcheese (Creamcheese) Creamcheese (Creamcheese) Creamcheese Creamcheese, creamcheese (Cream-chee-chee-cream-cheese) Creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese, Psychedelic creamcheese! Creamcheese Cream . . . cheese . . . Did you pick up on that? Speeded-up: CREAM . . . cheese Cream-cheese (Creamcheese!) Creamcheese Creamchee . . . (ese!) (FUCK!) Creamcheese Creamcheese Creamcheese Creamcheese Creamcheese Cream . . . cheese Cheese, cheese-cream I know, creamcheese (Cream . . . ) Ah . . . a-ha! Cream, cream, cream . . . CHEESE CREAM-CHEESE! CREAM-CHEESE! Creamcheese, creamcheese, cream-m-m-m-cheese (Cheese?) A-ha-ha-ha! Cream, cheese Creamcheese . . .

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from The Old Masters Box One booklet Corrections and additions from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage and Ben Watson's The Negative Dialectics of Poodle Play "Foreign Language" transcription by Lewis Saul Further corrections and additions by Román, computeruser, Lewis Saul, TTuerff, Charles Ulrich and Stu Mark The parts on the original vinyl and not on the CD remix are printed this way

Absolutely Free (The Mothers Of Invention, LP, Verve V/V6-5013, June 26, 1967) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15.

Plastic People 3:42 The Duke Of Prunes 2:13 Amnesia Vivace 1:01 The Duke Regains His Chops 1:50 Call Any Vegetable 2:20 Invocation And Ritual Dance Of The Young Pumpkin 7:00 Soft-Sell Conclusion 1:40 Big Leg Emma 2:32 Why Don'tcha Do Me Right? 2:37 America Drinks 1:53 Status Back Baby 2:54 Uncle Bernie's Farm 2:11 Son Of Suzy Creamcheese 1:34 Brown Shoes Don't Make It 7:30 America Drinks & Goes Home 2:46 Sunset-Highland Studios of TTG November 15-18, 1966 Produced by: Tom Wilson Director of engineering: Val Valentin Recording Engineer: Ami Hadani Remix Engineer: David Greene Cover art, layout, notes, design, etc.: Zappa Front cover photo: Alice Ochs

The MOTHERS today: FZ--guitar, vocals Ray Collins--vocals, tambourine, PRUNE Jim Fielder--guitar, piano Don Preston--keyboards Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Roy Estrada--bass, vocals Jim Black--drums, vocals Billy Mundi--drums, percussion

1. Plastic People 3:42

• Joe's Corsage • The Old Masters Box One Mystery Disc • Mothermania • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 includes quotes from Louie Louie (Berry) Ladies & Gennelmen . . . the PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES! Fella Americans . . . DOOT, DOOT, DOOT . . . DOOT . . . He's been sick. DOO-OO-OOT . . . DOOT! DOOT! (Teet-Teet . . . Teet-Teet . . . Teet-Teet . . . Teet-Teet-Teet) And I think his wife is gonna bring him some chicken soup. DOOT, DOOT (Teet-Teet) Plastic people Oh baby, now . . . You're such a drag (I know it's hard to defend an unpopular policy every once in a while ...) Plastic people Oh baby, now You're such a drag (And there's this guy from the CIA and he's creeping around Laurel Canyon . . . ) A fine little girl She waits for me She's as plastic As she can be She paints her face With plastic goo And wrecks her hair With some shampoo Plastic people Oh baby, now You're such a drag (I dunno . . . sometimes I just get tired of ya, honey . . . it's --- Ah --your hair spray . . . or something.) Plastic people Oh baby! You're such a drag (I hear the sound of marching feet . . . down Sunset Blvd. to Crescent Heights, and there, at Pandora's Box, we are confronted with . . . a vast quantity of PLASTIC PEOPLE.) Take a day And walk around Watch the nazis Run your town Then go home And check yourself You think we're singing 'Bout someone else . . . but you're

Plastic people! (Woooooooooooooooooooh!) Oh baby, now . . . You're such a drag Ooo-Ooo-Ooo Ooo-Ooo-Ooo Ooo-Ooo-Ooo Ooooooooh! Me see a neon Moon above I searched for years I found no love I'm sure that love Will never be A product of Plasticity A product of Plasticity A product of Plasticity: FZ: PLASTIC! PLASTIC PEOPLE! PLA-HA-HA-HA-HA . . . PLASTIC . . . PEOPLE PLASTIC PEOPLE . . . OO-OOOH OO-OOH . . . PLASTIC . . . A prune is a vegetable . . . no, a prune is not a vegetable. Cabbage is a vegetable . . . makes it O.K. PLASTIC PEOPLE . . . PLASTIC PEOPLE, PLASTIC PEOPLE! Ooo-Hoo-Hoo . . . Ooo-ooh-ooh-ooh Hoo-Hoo Ooh-ooh Ooh-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo Ray: You are. Your foot. Your hair. Your nose. Your arms. You eat. Youc suck. You love. You are. Your being is . . . you're PLASTIC . . . PEOPLE . . . BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH . . . plastic pepples . . . [...] You drive. You live in. You dream about . . . you think only of . . . you eat . . . you are . . . pepples . . . plastic . . . plastic pepples . . . Purple prancing. Plastic people. Every pepples . . . Peep-peep Pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-peep! 2. The Duke Of Prunes 2:13

• Absolutely Free • Mothermania • The Old Masters Box One Mystery Disc • Orchestral Favorites • Läther A moonbeam through the prune In June Reveals your chest I see your lovely beans And in that magic go-kart I bite your neck The cheese I have for you My dear Is real And very new! A moonbeam through the prune In June Reveals your chest I see your lovely beans And in that magic go-kart I bite your neck The love I have for you My dear

Is real And very new!

And you'll be my Douchess My Douchess of Prunes

Doh-Doh-Doh Doh-Doh

A moonbeam through the prune In June Reveals your chest I see your lovely beans And in that magic go-kart I bite your neck The cheese I have for you My dear Is real And very new! (New cheese!)

Prune! (Pah-Da-Dahhh!) If it is a real prune... (Pah-Da-Dahhh!) Knows no cheese! (Chunka Chunk . . . Chunka Chunka Chunka Chunka Chunk . . . ) And stands . . . (Oh No-o-o-o!) Taller & stronger Than any tree Or bush! And I know The love I have for you Will grow & grow & grow I think And so my love I offer you A love that is strong A prune that is true! 3. Amnesia Vivace 1:01

• Absolutely Free • Mothermania • The Old Masters Box One Mystery Disc • Orchestral Favorites • Läther includes quotes from Rite Of Spring (Stravinsky), Firebird Suite (Stravinsky), and Duke Of Earl (Dixon/Edwards/Williams) LA LA LALA LA LA LALALA LAH LAH LAH LA LA LA LA LA LA OOOOOOOOH! (Chunka Chunka Chunka . . . ) LA LA LA LALA . . . My darling . . . you mean so very much to me . . . I love you so deeply! It just makes me . . . LA LA LA LA LA LA etc. (Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Prunes, Prunes) I hardly recognize you, darling . . . Oh, I'll never forget you, darling. . . (Prunes, Duke of Prunes, Prunes, Prunes) Oh I suppose I will forget you eventually . . . In fact, I've already forgotten you . . . (Duke of Prunes, Prunes, Prunes) What is your name? Nice to see you again.

Prunes! (Pah-Da-Dahhh!) If they are fresh prunes . . . (Pah-Da-Dahhh!) Know no cheese! (Chunka Chunka Chinky Chunky Stinky Stanky . . . ) And they just lie there Drowning & sickening And it's just . . . I dunno Oh-h-h-h-h! And I know I think The love I have for you Will never end Well . . . maybe (Whah!) And so my love I offer you A love that is strong A prune that is true! (Ha Ha!) This is the exciting part . . . It's like the SUPREMES... See the way it builds up BABY BABY D'ya feel it? BABY BABY My prune is yours, my love My cheese for you My baby prune My baby prune I do like you My baby cheese etc., etc. You know I do My dear I love you etc., etc. Oh cheesy fat Oh cheesy fat Oh cheesy fat Oh baby fat Oh cheesy fat Oh baby blue 5. Call Any Vegetable 2:20

4. The Duke Regains His Chops 1:50

• Absolutely Free • Mothermania • The Old Masters Box One Mystery Disc • Orchestral Favorites • Läther includes a quote from Baby Love (Holland/Dozier/Holland)

• Absolutely Free • Mothermania • Just Another Band From L.A. Cheesy, cheesy! (This is a song about vegetables . . . they keep you regular; they're real good for ya.)

Call any vegetable (Call any vegetable) Call it by name (Call any vegetable) Call one today (Call any vegetable) When you get off the train (Call any vegetable) Call any vegetable And the chances are good Ooooh! The vegetable Will respond to you (Some people don't go for prunes . . . I dunno . . . I've always found that if they . . . ) Call any vegetable (Call any vegetable) Pick up your phone (Call any vegetable) Think of a vegetable (Call any vegetable) Lonely at home (Call any vegetable) Call any vegetable And the chances are good That a vegetable will respond to you-hoooo RUTA-BAY-AY-AYGA RUTA-BAY-AY-AYGA RUTA-BAY-AY-AYGA RUTA-BAY-AY-AYGA RUTA-BAYYYYY . . . (A prune isn't really a vegetable. Cabbage is a vegetable.) No one will know If you don't want to let 'em know No one will know 'Less it's you that might tell 'em so Call and they'll come to you Covered with dew Vegetables dream Of responding to you Standing there Shiny & proud by your side Holding your hand While the neighbors decide Why is a vegetable Something to hide? YAR-R-R-R-R-G-H! 6. Invocation And Ritual Dance Of The Young Pumpkin 7:00

• Absolutely Free • Mothermania • Just Another Band From L.A. includes a quote from The Planets Suite (Gustav Holst) 7. Soft-Sell Conclusion & Ending Of Side #1 1:40

• Absolutely Free • Mothermania • Playground Psychotics • Just Another Band From L.A. includes quotes from God Bless America (Irving Berlin), America The Beautiful (Ward/Bates),

Marine's Hymn (trad.) and A Soldier's Tale (Stravinsky) A lot of people don't bother about their friends in the VEGETABLE KINGDOM. They think, "Ah, what can I say? What can a person like myself say to a vegetable?" But the answer is simple, my friends . . . just call . . . and tell them how you feel . . . about MUFFINS, PUMPKINS, WAX PAPER, CALEDONIA, MAHOGANIES, ELBOWS AND GREEN THINGS IN GENERAL . . . and soon: A NEW RAPPORT! You and your new little green & yellow buddies . . . grooving together! OH NO! Maintaining your coolness together! Worshipping together in the church of your choice! ONLY IN AMERICA! Woh-oh-oh-ah-agh-h . . . Call any vegetable Call it by name You gotta call one today When you get off the train Call any vegetable And the chances are good AR-R-H-R that the vegetable Will respond to you... OH NO! Can you see them responding? The PUMPKIN is breathing hard: HUFFA PUFFA HUFFA PUFFA etc. what a pumpkin . . . 8. Big Leg Emma 2:32

• Zappa In New York • Läther TTG Studios, LA March 6, 1967 FZ Ray Collins Roy Estrada Don Preston Bunk Gardner Jimmy Carl Black Billy Mundi There's a big dilemma About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah There's a big dilemma About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah She was my steady date Until she put on weight There's a big dilemma About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah There's a big dilemma About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah She used to knock me out Until her face broke out ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Emma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Emma

(Sock it to me!) There's a big dilemma About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah There's a big dilemma About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah She used to knock me out Until her face broke out

includes quotes from My Little Red Book (Bacharach/David), Entry Of The Gladiators (Julius Fucik) and more unidentified stuff 1-2-Buckle my shoe . . . Da-Doop Doop Doop Doop Doop Doo-da-Doop Da-Doop Doop Doop Doop Doop Doop Doop Da-Doopy Doopy Doopy Doopy Diddly Doopy etc. Oh no! Oh no-o-o!

( . . . my love . . . ) 9. Why Don'tcha Do Me Right? 2:37 TTG Studios, LA March 6, 1967 FZ Ray Collins Roy Estrada Don Preston Bunk Gardner Jimmy Carl Black Billy Mundi Why don'tcha do me right? Why don'tcha do me right? Why don'tcha do me right? You got me pulled up tight Why don'tcha do me right? You got me beggin' on my knees You got me beggin' on my knees You got me beggin' on my knees Say-in' baby please Come back to me You're tryin' to wreck my life I know you're tryin' to wreck my life I know you're tryin' to wreck my life And all I wanted was a wife I know you're tryin' to wreck my life Now what you tryin' to do? Now what you tryin' to do? Now what you tryin' to do? I been true to you Now what you tryin' to do? Why don'tcha do me right? Why don'tcha do me right? Why don'tcha do me right? You got me pulled up tight Why don'tcha do me right?

I tried to find How my heart Could be so blind, (wanna buy some pencils?) Dear How could I be fooled Just like the rest You came on strong With your fast car And your class ring Sad eyes & your bran flakes I fell for the whole thing I don't regret Having met Up with a girl who breaks Hearts like they were Nothing at all (here's one for mother!) I've done it too Now I know Just what it feels like . . . 11. Status Back Baby 2:54

• Playground Psychotics includes a quote from Petrushka (Stravinsky) Ooo-Ooo-Ooo etc., etc., AH-AH WA WA WA WA WA WA WAH! I'm losin' status at the high school I used to think that it was my school . . . BOW WOW WOW WOW! I was the king of every school activity But that's no more . . . oh mama! What will come of me? The other night we painted posters They played some records by the Coasters BOW WOW WOW WOW! A bunch of pom-pom girls looked down their nose at me. They had painted tons of posters; I had painted three. I hear the secret whispers everywhere I go My school spirit is at an all-time low . . . BLA-A-A-A!

Why don'tcha do me right? Why don'tcha do me right? Why don'tcha do me right? I wanna boogie all night Why don'tcha do me right?

I'm losing status at the high school I used to think that it was my school . . . BOW WOW WOW WOW! Everyone in town knows I'm a hand-some football star I sing & dance & spray my hair & drive a shiny car I'm friendly & I'm charming . . . I belong to De Molay I'm gonna try like mad to get my status back today! Status back baby Status back baby Status back baby Status back baby

10. America Drinks 1:53

12. Uncle Bernie's Farm 2:11

(But baby, I think I love you But baby, I think I love you Baby!)

• Absolutely Free • Mothermania

includes a quote from White Christmas (Berlin) I'm dreaming . . . (Oh no-o-o!)

There's a bomb to blow yo mommy up A bomb for your daddy too (ouch.) A baby doll that burps & pees A case of airplane glue A hungry plastic troll To scarf yo buddy's arm A box of ugly plastic things marked: Uncle Bernie's Farm! There's a little plastic congress There's a nation you can buy (I'll take two.) There's a doll that looks like mommy She'll do anything but cry (I seen her.) There's a doll that looks like daddy He's a funny little man Push a button & ask for money There's a dollar in his hand (check his wallet.) We gotta send Santa Claus back to the Rescue Mission Christmas don't make it no more Don't you know that murder & destruction Scream the toys in every store (think this'll sell in New York?) There's a man who runs the country There's a man who tried to think And they're all made out of plastic When they melt they start to stink There's a book with smiling children Nearly dead with Christmas joys! And smiling in his office Is the creep who makes the toys . . . FZ: We got this car: when it hits the wall you see the guy dying . . . got the little plastic puddles of blood . . . by the car I'M DREAMING . . . Ray: He has intestines . . . he has plastic intestines you can stuff back into his stomach . . . FZ: There's this other thing, I've got bombs. I've got rockets, I've got a . . . I've got a stilson wrench & plastic brass knuckles . . . Ray: And it comes with a tape recorder with sound effects . . . FZ: We got a '39 Chevy . . . 13. Son Of Suzy Creamcheese 1:34 reminiscent of Louie Louie (Richard Berry) Suzy Creamcheese Oh mama, now . . . What's got into ya? Suzy you were such a sweetie Yeah, yeah, yeah! Once you were my one & only Yeah, yeah, yeah! Blew your mind on too much Kool-Aid Yeah, yeah, yeah! Took my stash & left me lonely Yeah, yeah, yeah! Suzy Creamcheese Oh baby, now . . . What's got into ya? Yea-yea-yea-yea-yeah! Suzy Creamcheese Oh mama, now . . . What's got into ya? Got to find my Suzy Creamcheese Yeah, yeah, yeah! Think I'll go and start my car Yeah, yeah, yeah! Really dig her; she's so freaky

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Heard The Heat knows where you are Yeah, yeah, yeah! Suzy Creamcheese Oh baby, now . . . What's got into ya? Yea-yea-yea-yea-yeah! Suzy Creamcheese Oh mama, now... What's got into ya? Cruised the Strip & went to Canter's Yeah, yeah, yeah! Suzy creamcheese, please come home Yeah, yeah, yeah! Vito says she split for Berkeley Yeah, yeah, yeah! Protest marching Styrofoam Yeah, yeah, yeah! Suzy Creamcheese Oh baby, now . . . What's got into ya? Yea-yea-yea-yea-yeah! Suzy Creamcheese Oh mama, now . . . What's got into ya? Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! 14. Brown Shoes Don't Make It 7:30

• Mothermania • Tinsel Town Rebellion includes a quote from Little Deuce Coupe (Wilson/Christian) Jim Getzoff--violin Marshall Sosson--violin Alvin Dinkin--viola Armond Kaproff--cello Don Ellis--trumpet John Rotella--contra-bass clarinet Lisa Cohen--Suzy Creamcheese Brown shoes Don't make it Brown shoes Don't make it Quit school Why fake it? Brown shoes Don't make it . . . TV dinner by the pool Watch your brother grow a beard Got another year of school You're okay--he's too weird Be a plumber He's a bummer He's a bummer Every summer Be a loyal plastic robot for a world that doesn't care . . . Smile at every ugly Shine on your shoes & cut your hair

Be a joik And go t' woik Be a joik And go t' woik Be a joik And go t' woik Be a joik And go t' woik Do your job & do it right Life's a ball TV tonight . . . Do you love it? Do you hate it? There it is . . . The way you made it . . . YARRRRRRRRRRRGH-H-H! A world of secret hungers Perverting the men who make your laws Every desire is hidden away In a drawer . . . in a desk By a naugahyde chair On a rug where they walk and drool Past the girls in the office Hratche-plche Hratche-plche Hratche-plche Hratche-plche We see in the back of the City Hall mind The dream of a girl about thirteen Off with her clothes and into a bed Where she tickles his fancy all night lonnnnnnnnng His wife's attending an orchid show She squealed for a week to get him to go But back in the bed, his teen-age queen Is rocking & rolling & acting obscene Baby baby Hratche-plche Hratche-plche Baby baby Hratche-plche Hratche-plche And he loves it! He loves it! It curls up his toes She bites his fat neck and it lights up his nose But he cannot be fooled, old City Hall Fred She's nasty! She's nasty! She digs it in bed! Do it again and do it some more That does it by golly, it's nasty for sure Nasty nasty nasty, nasty nasty nasty (Only thirteen and she knows how to nasty . . . ) She's a dirty young mind Corrupted, corroded Well she's thirteen today And I hear she gets loaded P-pum-m-mum-m-mum-m-mum P-pum-m-mum-m-mum-m-mum P-bum If she were my daughter, I'd . . . What would you do daddy? If she were my daughter, I'd . . . What would you do daddy? If she were my daughter, I'd . . . What would you do daddy?

Smother my daughter in chocolate syrup And strap her on again, oh baby! Smother that girl in chocolate syrup And strap her on again She's a teen-age baby and she turns me on I'd like to make her do a nasty on the White House lawn Gonna smother that girl in chocolate syrup-And boogie till the cows come home Time to go home--Madge is on the phone Gotta meet the Gurney's And a dozen grey attorneys TV dinner by the pool I'm so glad I finished school Life is such a ball I run the world from City Hall! 15. America Drinks & Goes Home 2:46

• Absolutely Free • Mothermania Herb Cohen--cash register machine Terry Gilliam & girlfriend--voices Here's a special request . . . hope you'll enjoy it! I tried to find How my heart Could be so blind, dear How could I be fooled Just like the rest You came on strong With your fast car And your class ring Soft voice and your sad eyes I fell for the whole thing I don't regret Having met Up with a girl who Breaks hearts like they were Nothing at all I've done it too Now I know Just what it feels like And just like I said There's no regrets . . . Well, it's about time to close . . . I hope you've had as much fun as we have. Don't forget the jam session Sunday . . . MANDY TENSION will be by, playing his xylophone troupe. It's really been a lot of fun. Monday night is the dance contest night: THE TWIST CONTEST . . . we're gonna give away peanut butter & jelly & baloney samwiches for all of ya. IT REALLY HAS BEEN FUN. I hope we've played your requests . . . the songs you like to hear . . . LAST CALL FOR ALCOHOL! Drink it up, folks. Wonnerful. Nice to see you, Bob . . . how's it goin'? How's the kids? Wonnerful. Nice to see ya. Yes. BILL BAILEY? Oh . . . we'll get to that tomorrow night. Yeah. CARAVAN (with a drum sola)? Right. Yeah . . . we'll do that. Wonnerful. Nice to see you again. Yeah. LA LA LA LA LAH-H-H-H! DOWN AT THE POMPADOUR A-GO-GO LA LA LA LA LAH-H-H-H! VO DO DEE OH PEE PEE SHOOBE DOOT-N-DAH-DAH-DAH YA DA DA-A-A-A-H-H-H-H-H! NA NYA DA DA DA DA DAH-H-H-H-H-H! Nite all.

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from Absolutely Free: The Complete Libretto Corrections and additions from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Further corrections and additions by Román

We're Only In It For The Money (The Mothers of Invention, March 1968) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19.

Are You Hung Up? 1:24 Who Needs The Peace Corps? 2:34 Concentration Moon 2:22 Mom & Dad 2:16 Telephone Conversation 0:48 Bow Tie Daddy 0:33 Harry, You're A Beast 1:21 What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body? 1:03 Absolutely Free 3:24 Flower Punk 3:03 Hot Poop 0:26 Nasal Retentive Calliope Music 2:02 Let's Make The Water Turn Black 2:01 The Idiot Bastard Son 3:18 Lonely Little Girl 1:09 Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance 1:32 What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body? (reprise) 1:02 Mother People 2:26 The Chrome Plated Megaphone Of Destiny 6:25 Basic sessions: Mayfair Studios, NYC August-September, 1967 Engineer: Gary Kellgren Final recordings & re-mix: Apostolic Studios, NYC October, 1967 Engineer: Dick Kunc Orchestral segments: Capitol Studios, Hollywood February, 1967 Produced by Frank Zappa Executive producer: Tom Wilson

Photography: Jerrold Schatzberg Fashions: Tiger Morse Plaster figures & all other artwork: Cal Schenkel THE MOTHERS TODAY: Frank Zappa guitar, piano, lead vocals, weirdness & editing

Ian Underwood piano, woodwinds, wholesome Don Preston keyboards Euclid James Motorhead Sherwood soprano & baritone saxophone, all purpose weirdness Bunk Gardner all woodwinds, mumbled weirdness Roy Estrada electric bass, vocals, asthma Billy Mundi drums, vocal, yak & black lace underwear Jimmy Carl Black Indian of the group, drums, trumpet, vocals Pamela Zarubica aka Suzy Creamcheese telephone Dick Barber SNORKS + Arthur Barrow 1984 mix new bass tracks Chad Wackerman 1984 mix new drum tracks ALSO: Gary Kellgren creepy whispering Dick Kunc cheerful interruptions Eric Clapton has graciously consented to speak to you in several critical area Spider is the one who wants you to turn your radio around Ronnie Williams backwards voice Vicki telephone ORCHESTRAL SEGMENTS conducted by Sid Sharp

1. Are You Hung Up? EC: Uh . . . Uh . . . Uh Uh . . . Uh . . . Uh . . . d'you, are you, ARE YOU HUNG UP? ARE YOU HUNG UP? Girl: Outa site! EC: Outa site, yeah --listen, uhm, d'you, are you . . .? ARE YOU HUNG UP? Girl: Ha ha . . . ! What does that mean? EC: Are you strung up, are you? ARE YOU HUNG UP? Girl: I don't . . . I don't . . . I can't understand . . . Outa site! EC: Outa site, yeah --listen, uhm, d'you, are you . . .? ARE YOU HUNG UP? Gary Kellgren: One of these days I am going to erase all the tape in the world . . . In the world . . . world . . . Tomorrow I may do it . . . All the Frank Zappa Masters . . . Nothing . . . Blank . . . Empty . . . Space . . . That's what they are now . . . Blank . . . Empty . . . Space . . . Oh, I know he's sitting in there, in the control room now, listening to everything I say, but I really don't care . . . Hello Frank Zappa! JCB: Hi, boys & girls, I'm Jimmy Carl Black, I'm the Indian of the group! 2. Who Needs The Peace Corps? The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life What's there to live for? Who needs the peace corps? Think I'll just DROP OUT I'll go to Frisco Buy a wig & sleep On Owsley's floor Walked past the wig store Danced at the Fillmore I'm completely stoned I'm hippy & I'm trippy I'm a gypsy on my own I'll stay a week & get the crabs & Take a bus back home I'm really just a phony But forgive me 'Cause I'm stoned Every town must have a place Where phony hippies meet Psychedelic dungeons Popping up on every street GO TO SAN FRANCISCO . . . How I love ya, How I love ya How I love ya, How I love ya Frisco! How I love ya, How I love ya How I love ya, How I love ya Oh, my hair is getting good in the back! Every town must have a place Where phony hippies meet Psychedelic dungeons Popping up on every street GO TO SAN FRANCISCO . . . Hotcha! First I'll buy some beads And then perhaps a leather band To go around my head Some feathers and bells And a book of Indian lore I will ask the Chamber Of Commerce

How to get to Haight Street And smoke an awful lot of dope I will wander around barefoot I will have a psychedelic gleam in my eye at all times I will love everyone I will love the police as they kick the shit out of me on the street I will sleep . . . I will, I will go to a house That's, that's what I will do I will go to a house Where there's a rock & roll band 'Cause the groups all live together And I will join a rock & roll band I will be their road manager And I will stay there with them And I will get the crabs But I won't care Because . . . 3. Concentration Moon Playground Psychotics Concentration Moon Over the camp in the valley Concentration Moon Wish I was back in the alley With all of my friends, Still running free: Hair growing out Every hole in me AMERICAN WAY How did it start? Thousands of creeps Killed in the park AMERICAN WAY Try and explain Scab of a nation Driven insane Don't cry Gotta go bye bye SUDDENLY: DIE DIE COP KILL A CREEP! pow pow pow Gary Kellgren: Tomorrow I get to do another Frank Zappa creation . . . and the day after that . . . and the day after that . . . also at the same time I get to work with The Velvet Underground which is as shitty a group as Frank Zappa's group JCB: Hi, boys & girls, I'm Jimmy Carl Black, and I'm the Indian of the group Concentration Moon Over the camp in the valley Concentration Moon Wish I was back in the alley With all of my friends, Still running free: Hair growing out Every hole in me AMERICAN WAY Threatened by US Drag a few creeps Away in a bus AMERICAN WAY Prisoner: lock SMASH EVERY CREEP IN THE FACE WITH A ROCK Don't cry Gotta go bye bye SUDDENLY: DIE DIE COP KILL A CREEP! pow pow pow

4. Mom & Dad Playground Psychotics Mama! Mama! Someone said they made some noise The cops have shot some girls & boys You'll sit home & drink all night They looked too weird . . . it served them right

I'm gonna tell you the way it is And I'm not gonna be kind or easy Your whole attitude stinks, I say And the life you lead is completely empty You paint your head Your mind is dead You don't even know what I just said THAT'S YOU: AMERICAN WOMANHOOD!

Mama! Mama! Someone said they made some noise The cops have shot some girls & boys You'll sit home & drink all night They looked too weird . . . it served them right Ever take a minute just to show a real emotion In between the moisture cream & velvet facial lotion? Ever tell your kids you're glad that they can think? Ever say you loved 'em? Ever let 'em watch you drink? Ever wonder why your daughter looked so sad? It's such a drag to have to love a plastic Mom & Dad Mama! Mama! Your child was killed in the park today Shot by the cops as she quietly lay By the side of the creeps she knew . . . They killed her too.

You're phony on top You're phony underneath You lay in bed & grit your teeth MADGE, I WANT YOUR BODY! HARRY, GET BACK! MADGE, IT'S NOT MERELY PHYSICAL! HARRY, YOU'RE A BEAST! Don't come in me, in me Don't come in me, in me Don't come in me, in me Don't come in me, in me

MADGE, I . . . MADGE . . . I COULDN'T HELP IT . . . I . . . DOGGONE IT!

5. Telephone Conversation 8. What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body? Pam: Well . . . operator? Hold for a minute, please . . . FZ: Hello? Operator: Yes, sir . . . FZ: Ah, can you call 678-9866? Operator: Same area code? FZ: Yes Operator: Right FZ: Is that Vicki? Pam: Yeah . . . He's gonna bump you off yet, he's got a gun, you know . . . (heh heh heh . . . ) If he didn't get ya in Laurel Canyon, he won't get you here Vicki: Hello? Pam: Vicki? Vicki: Yeah Pam: What's happening? Vicki: Listen: your father has called me up this . . . Pam: Now look, just don't panic but just tell me . . . Vicki: I'm not panicking! Pam: OK Vicki: I think my phone's tapped too Pam: Well don't worry, that's quite alright Vicki: Alright . . . Your father called me up this afternoon Pam: Just a sec . . . 6. Bow Tie Daddy Bow tie daddy dontcha blow your top Everything's under control Bow tie daddy dontcha blow your top 'Cause you think you're gettin' too old Don't try to do no thinkin' Just go on with your drinkin' Just have your fun, you old son of a gun Then drive home in your Lincoln

We're Only In It For The Money FZ:OZ What's the ugliest Part of your body? What's the ugliest Part of your body? Some say your nose Some say your toes (I think it's your mind) But I think it's YOUR MIND (Your mind) I think it's your mind, woo woo ALL YOUR CHILDREN ARE POOR UNFORTUNATE VICTIMS OF SYSTEMS BEYOND THEIR CONTROL A PLAGUE UPON YOUR IGNORANCE & THE GRAY DESPAIR OF YOUR UGLY LIFE Where did Annie go When she went to town? Who are all those creeps That she brings around? ALL YOUR CHILDREN ARE POOR UNFORTUNATE VICTIMS OF LIES YOU BELIEVE A PLAGUE UPON YOUR IGNORANCE THAT KEEPS THE YOUNG FROM THE TRUTH THEY DESERVE . . . 9. Absolutely Free Suzy: I don't do publicity balling for you anymore

7. Harry, You're A Beast The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol 1 Make A Jazz Noise Here

FZ: The first word in this song is discorporate. It means to leave your body

Discorporate & come with me Shifting; drifting Cloudless; starless VELVET VALLEYS & A SAPPHIRE SEA: Wah Wah Unbind your mind There is no time To lick your stamps And paste them in DISCORPORATE And we will begin . . .WAH WAH! (Flower Power Sucks) Diamonds on velvets on goldens on vixen On comet & cupid on donner & blitzen On up & away & afar & a go-go Escape from the weight of your corporate logo! UNBIND YOUR MIND THERE IS NO TIME Boin-n-n-n-n-n-g TO LICK YOUR STAMPS AND PASTE THEM IN DISCORPORATE AND WE'LL BEGIN FREEDOM! FREEDOM! KINDLY LOVING! YOU'LL BE ABSOLUTELY FREE ONLY IF YOU WANT TO BE Dreaming on cushions of velvet & satin To music by magic by people that happen To enter the world of a strange purple Jello The dreams as they live them are all mellow yellow UNBIND YOUR MIND THERE IS NO TIME Boin-n-n-n-n-n-g TO LICK YOUR STAMPS AND PASTE THEM IN DISCORPORATE AND WE'LL BEGIN FREEDOM! FREEDOM! KINDLY LOVING! YOU'LL BE ABSOLUTELY FREE ONLY IF YOU WANT TO BE YOU'LL BE ABSOLUTELY FREE ONLY IF YOU WANT TO BE 10. Flower Punk based on Hey Joe (Roberts) includes a quote from Wild Thing (Taylor) the 1984 re-mix also includes a quote from My Sharona (Fieger/Averre) Hey Punk, where you goin' with that flower in your hand? Hey Punk, where you goin' with that flower in your hand? Well, I'm goin' up to Frisco to join a psychedelic band. I'm goin' up to Frisco to join a psychedelic band. Hey Punk, where you goin' with that button on your shirt? Hey Punk, where you goin' with that button on your shirt? I'm goin' to the love-in to sit & play my bongos in the dirt. Yes, I'm goin' to the love-in to sit & play my bongos in the dirt.

Hey Punk, where you goin' with that hair on your head? Hey Punk, where you goin' with that hair on your head? I'm goin' to the dance to get some action, then I'm goin' home to bed. I'm goin' to the dance to get some action, then I'm goin' home to bed. Hey Punk, where you goin' with those beads around your neck? Hey Punk, where you goin' with those beads around your neck? I'm goin' to the shrink so he can help me be a nervous wreck . . . Hey Punk! Punky! Hey Punk! Punk! Hey Punk! (Hey Punk!) Hey Punk! Hey Punk! Punky! (Hey Punk!) Hey-hey! (Hey Punk!) Go man, go . . . go man, go . . . Just a little bit softer Golly, do I ever have a lot of soul! Punk, I think I love you! Come on, Roy Questi dominga? Let me see that nose, it didn't . . . Orale! I wanna know for sure! Leave my nose alone please! What are you trying to do? He's gonna stand over there Bigashi' nunga! But this is Cheetah Buirote Chita! FZ on the left: It's one of the most exciting things that's ever happened to me. You know, every time I think about how lucky I am to be in the rock & roll industry, it's SO exciting. You know, when I first got into the rock & roll business I could barely even play the changes to this song on my, on my guitar. But now I'm very proficient at it, I can play the guitar, I can strum it rhythmically, I can sing along with my guitar as I strum. I can strum, sing, dance, I can make merry fun all over the stage. And you know, it's so wonderful to . . . It's wonderful to feel that I'm doing something for the kids, because I know that the kids and their music are where it's at. The youth of America today is so wonderful . . . And I'm proud to be a part of this gigantic mass deception. I hope she sees me twirling, yes . . . I hope she sees me dancing and twirling, I will say: "Hello, dolly!" Is the song over? FZ on the right: Boy, this is really exciting, making a rock & roll record. I can't even wait until our record comes out and the teen-agers start to buy it. We'll all be rich and famous! When my royalty check comes I think I'm going to buy a Mustang. No, I think I'll . . . I think I'll get a Corvette. No, I think I'll get a Harley Davidson. No, I don't think I'll buy any of those cars. I think what I will do is I will buy a boat. No, that wouldn't be good either. I think, ah, I'll go into real estate. I think I would like to . . . I think I would like to buy La Cienega Boulevard. No, that wouldn't do any good. Gee, I wonder if they can see me up here, twirling my tambourine and dancing . . . Maybe after the show one of the girls who sees me up here, singing and twirling my tambourine and dancing, will like me. And she will come over to me and I will walk . . . I will walk up to her and I will smile at her and I will impress her and I will say: "Hello, baby, what's a girl like you doing in a place like this? I'm from a rock & roll band, I think we should . . . " Is the song over?

Center mumbling: Ay, ay! Mingia! There she is! Ay! Buirote. When do we get paid for this? Ay, ay! . . . papa . . . huevos Huevos? Rock, bop, rock & roll Rock, bop . . . One more time! Un . . . Stop sloppy rock & roll Bop bop bop! YEAH! WHEEE!

We see them after school in a world of their own (To some it might seem creepy what they do . . . ) The neighbors on the right sat & watched them every night (I bet you'd do the same if they was you) Whizzing & pasting & pooting through the day . . . (Ronnie helping Kenny helping burn his poots away!) And all the while on a shelf in the shed: KENNY'S LITTLE CREATURES ON DISPLAY! Ronnie's in the Army now & Kenny's taking pills Oh! How they yearn to see a bomber burn! Color flashing, thunder crashing, dynamite machine! (Wait till the fire turns green . . . wait till the fire turns green) WAIT TILL THE FIRE TURNS GREEN! Dick Kunc: This would be a little bit of vocal teen-age heaven, right here on Earth!

11. Hot Poop Gary Kellgren: He is working the controls because all producers love to turn knobs . . . They think it is the way they can create . . . I wonder what everyone else is whispering about . . . Backwards: Better look around before you say you don't care Shut your f*** mouth about the length of my hair How would you survive If you were alive Shitty little person? 12. Nasal Retentive Calliope Music including a fragment from Heavies (Aerni/Buff) by The Rotations (1963) YEAH! Bwa-hah-hah! Oh, my God . . . EC: Beautiful! God! It's God! I see God! 13. Let's Make The Water Turn Black Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol 1 Make A Jazz Noise Here includes a fragment from Ronnie Sings? Now believe me when I tell you that my song is really true I want everyone to listen and believe It's about some little people from a long time ago And all the things the neighbors didn't know Early in the morning Daddy Dinky went to work Selling lamps & chairs to San Ber'dino squares And I still remember Mama with her apron & her pad Feeding all the boys at Ed's Cafe! Whizzing & pasting & pooting through the day . . . (Ronnie helping Kenny helping burn his poots away!) And all the while on a shelf in the shed: KENNY'S LITTLE CREATURES ON DISPLAY! Ronnie saves his numies on a window in his room (A marvel to be seen: dysentery green) While Kenny & his buddies had a game out in the back: LET'S MAKE THE WATER TURN BLACK

Ronnie Williams: (backwards) Dodn-do-do-dodn-dodn-dodn-dada 14. The Idiot Bastard Son Mothermania You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 includes a line from the Run Home, Slow soundtrack The idiot bastard son: (THE FATHER'S A NAZI IN CONGRESS TODAY . . . THE MOTHER'S A HOOKER SOMEWHERE IN L.A.) The idiot bastard son: (ABANDONED TO PERISH IN BACK OF A CAR . . . KENNY WILL STASH HIM AWAY IN A JAR) THE IDIOT BOY! Motorhead?: I never wanted to because I was too small to start with, I used to drink really some bad stuff . . . Wine, all kinds of wine! Mixed, seven different varieties . . . Thunderbird wine . . . I don't know but I chugged a fifth of White Port once and passed out one day (heh heh) . . . and I drank a quart of beer just before that . . . and we were out riding around in the desert. Anyway . . . ?: Thomas's wine mix is . . . very strange . . . Try and imagine The window all covered in green All the time he would spend At the church he'd attend . . . Warming his pew Kenny will feed him & Ronnie will watch THE CHILD WILL THRIVE & GROW And enter the world Of liars & cheaters & people like you Who smile & think you know What this is about (YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING . . . maybe so) The song we sing: DO YOU KNOW? We're listening . . . THE IDIOT BOY! Try and imagine The window all covered in green All the time he would spend All the colors he'd blend . . . Where are they now?

Gary Kellgren: Right now I have two hit records on the charts, but it has not made me any money. It has only brought me fame and glory, and a lot of work. Which I do, really not care to tell . . .

La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la (a-a-ah!) La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la (oo-wee-ooh!)

15. Lonely Little Girl FZ:OZ includes second part of What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body? You're a lonely little girl But your Mommy & your Daddy don't care You're a lonely little girl The things they say Just hurt your heart It's too late now For them to start To understand The way you feel The world for them Is too unreal So you're lonely, lonely, lonely, Lonely little girl You're lonely . . . ALL YOUR CHILDREN ARE POOR UNFORTUNATE VICTIMS OF SYSTEMS BEYOND THEIR CONTROL

Diddle-diddle-dee (Diddle-diddle-dee) Diddle-diddle-dee (Diddle-diddle-dee) Diddle-diddle-dee (Diddle-diddle-dee) Diddle-diddle-dee (Diddle-diddle-dee) La la la la la la la la la la la la La la la la la WAH WAH-WAH WAH There will come a time when everybody Who is lonely will be free . . . TO SING & DANCE & LOVE (dance and love) There will come a time when every evil That we know will be an evil . . . THAT WE CAN RISE ABOVE (rise above) Who cares if you're so poor you can't afford To buy a pair of Mod A Go-Go stretch-elastic pants . . . THERE WILL COME A TIME WHEN YOU CAN EVEN TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF WHEN YOU DANCE

Where did Annie go When she went to town? Who are all those creeps That she brings around?

17. What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body (reprise)

A PLAGUE UPON YOUR IGNORANCE & THE GRAY DESPAIR OF YOUR UGLY LIFE ALL YOUR CHILDREN ARE POOR UNFORTUNATE VICTIMS OF LIES . . .

Who cares if hair is long or short Or sprayed or partly grayed . . . WE KNOW THAT HAIR AIN'T WHERE IT'S AT

What's the ugliest Part of your body? (Darling, when I . . . ) What's the ugliest Part of your body? (Darling, when I look in your eyes . . . ) Some say your nose Some say your toes (My dearest, my darling, my . . . darling darling . . . ) But I think it's your MIND . . . (My darling) I think it's your mind (The ugliest part of your darling) I think it's your mind (Your mind is ugly) I think it's your mind (Your mind . . .) I think it's your mind I think it's your mind I think your mind is the ugliest part of your body (Your body, your body, your body, your body . . . ) I think your mind is the ugliest part of your body (Your mind it's ugly) I think your mind is the ugliest part of your body (Won't you please leave my nose alone!) (Your body, your body) (Don't touch my nose, thank you!) Your body, your body . . .

(there will come a time when you won't even be ashamed if you are fat!)

Do it again! Do it again!

WAH WAH-WAH WAH

18. Mother People

Where did Annie go When she went . . . 16. Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance The Lost Episodes Lumpy Gravy Joe's Corsage FZ:OZ You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 There will come a time when everybody Who is lonely will be free . . . TO SING & DANCE & LOVE There will come a time when every evil That we know will be an evil . . . THAT WE CAN RISE ABOVE

We're Only In It For The Money FZ:OZ

Mothermania

includes a fragment from I Don't Know If I Can Go Through This Again from Lumpy Gravy We are the other people We are the other people We are the other people You're the other people too Found a way to get to you . . . Do you think that I'm crazy? Out of my mind? Do you think that I creep in the night And sleep in a phone booth? Lemme take a minute & tell you my plan Lemme take a minute & tell who I am If it doesn't show, Think you better know I'm another person Do you think that my pants are too tight? Do you think that I'm creepy? Lemme take a minute & tell you my plan Lemme take a minute & tell who I am If it doesn't show Think you better know I'm another person Better look around before you say you don't care Shut your fuckin' mouth about the length of my hair How would you survive If you were alive Shitty little person? We are the other people We are the other people We are the other people You're the other people too Found a way to get to you We are the other people We are the other people

We are the other people You're the other people too Found a way to get to you Do you think that I love you . . . Stupid & blind? Do you think that I dream through the night Of holding you near me? Lemme take a minute & tell you my plan Lemme take a minute & tell who I am If it doesn't show Think you better know I'm another person 19. The Chrome Plated Megaphone Of Destiny A-ha-hah! Bwah-ha-ha! (Cough! Cough!) Ha ha ha ha! Nyah-ha-ha! Ha ha ha . . . ha ha ha ha ha ha . . . Nyah-ha-ha-ha! Oh . . . Arbitrary! Nyah-ha-ha-ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! AH HA HA HA HA AH HA HA HA Arbitrary! HA HA Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Bwah ha ha . . . (Cough!) Mmph ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha (cough! cough!) AH HA HA HA HA AH HA HA HA Arbitrary! HA HA Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the album with additions from The Old Masters Box One booklet Corrections and additions from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage and Arf: Notes & Comments Further corrections and additions by Román, Thrust Pygmy, Lugosi, Charles Ulrich and Stu Mark The parts on the original vinyl and not on the CD remix are printed this way, and the parts on the CD mix not on the original vinyl this other way

Lumpy Gravy (Frank Vincent Zappa, May 1968) 1. LUMPY GRAVY PART ONE 15:48 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12.

The Way I See It, Barry [0:00] Duodenum [0:06] Oh No [1:38] Bit Of Nostalgia [3:41] It's From Kansas [5:16] Bored Out 90 Over [5:46] Almost Chinese [6:17] Switching Girls [6:42] Oh No Again [7:11] At The Gas Station [8:24] Another Pickup [11:05] I Don't Know If I Can Go Through This Again [11:59] Orchestra: Capitol Studios, Hollywood February 13 & March 14-16, 1967 People inside the piano: Apostolic Studios, NYC October, 1967 Produced by Frank Zappa Original sessions produced by Nick Venet Engineered by: Joe, Rex, Pete, Jim, Bob, Gary & Dick Kunc Liner put together by Cal Schenkel The ABNUCEALS EMUUKHA electric SYMPHONY orchestra & CHORUS with maybe even some members of the mothers of invention PIANO, CELESTE, ELECTRIC HARPSICHORD: Paul Smith Mike Lang Lincoln Mayorga Pete Jolly DRUMS: Johnny Guerin Frankie Capp Shelly Manne PERCUSSION (Gongs, Bells, Vibes, Marimba, Timpani, Timbales & assorted insanity): Emil Richards Gene Estes Alan Estes Victor Feldman Kenneth Watson (uncredited) Thomas Poole (uncredited) WOODWINDS (Flute, Bass Flute, Piccolo, Oboe, English Horn, Eb Clarinet, Bb Clarinet, Bass Clarinet, Contrabass Clarinet, Alto Sax, Bass Sax, Bassoon & Contrabassoon): Ted Nash Jules Jacob

2. LUMPY GRAVY PART TWO 15:51 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Very Distraughtening [0:00] White Ugliness [1:33] Amen [3:55] Just One More Time [5:28] A Vicious Circle [6:26] King Kong [7:38] Drums Are Too Noisy [8:21] Kangaroos [9:19] Envelops The Bath Tub [10:16] Take Your Clothes Off [13:58]

John Rotella Bunk Gardner Don Christlieb Gene Cipriano FRENCH HORNS: Arthur Maebe Vincent De Rosa Richard Perissi Arthur E. Briegleb (uncredited) David A. Duke (uncredited) George F. Price (uncredited) TRUMPET: Jimmy Zito TROMBONE: Kenneth Shroyer Lew McCreary (uncredited) GUITARS: Jim Haynes (prob. James Helms) Tommy Tedesco Tony Rizzi Al Viola Dennis Budimir BASS: Bob West John Balkin Jimmy Bond Lyle Ritz Chuck Berghofer STRINGS: Sid Sharp--violin Alexander Koltun--violin Tibor Zelig--violin Ralph Schaeffer--violin Bernard Kundell--violin William Kurasch--violin James Getzoff--violin Arnold Belnick--violin Leonard Malarsky--violin Harold Ayres--violin Jerome J. Reisler--violin Phillip Goldberg--viola Leonard Selic--viola Harry Hyams--viola Joseph DiFiore--viola Jerome A. Kessler--cello Raymond J. Kelley--cello Joseph Saxon--cello

Jesse Ehrlich--cello Harold G. Bemko--cello CHORUS: Louie The Turkey Ronnie Williams Dick Barber "Foon The Younger" Roy Estrada Spider (Barbour) Motorhead J.K. & Tony Gilly (Townley) and the girls from Apostolic (Maxine, Becky) All Night John (Kilgore) The other John (Townley) Cal Pumpkin Larry Fanoga Monica Jimmy Carl Black (the Indian of the group)

ALSO: Sammy (Whiteside) Harold (Kelling) Charlie (Phillips) Bruce (Hampton) and the rest of the guys from Atlanta SPECIAL THANKS TO: Sid Sharp conductor Bob Ross arranger Smiling Jack Ben Barrett contractor Normal Max my pumpkin Hurby John Judnich

1. PART ONE

John: It's from Kansas

1. The Way I See It, Barry

6. Bored Out 90 Over

Spider: The way I see it, Barry, this should be a very dynamite show.

Motorhead: Bored out .90 over with 3 Stromberg 97's 7. Almost Chinese

2. Duodenum Fillmore East, June 1971 Make A Jazz Noise Here

Larry: Almost Chinese, huh? Girl #1: Yeah! Motorhead: Good bread, 'cause I was making, uh . . . $2.71 an hour

TTG Studios, LA April 1, 1966 ?

8. Switching Girls Motorhead: I keep switching girls all the time, because if I'm able to find a girl with really a groovy car that ain't build up, man, I'll go steady with her for a while until I'd build up her car and blow out the engine!

3. Oh No Lumpy Gravy Weasels Ripped My Flesh Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Roxy & Elsewhere Make A Jazz Noise Here

9. Oh No Again Lumpy Gravy Weasels Ripped My Flesh Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Make A Jazz Noise Here

includes a line from the World's Greatest Sinner soundtrack and Run Home Cues, #2

10. At The Gas Station 4. Bit Of Nostalgia includes a fragment of Hurricane (Sigarlaki) Spider: Bit of nostalgia for the old folks! Gilly: I'm advocating dark clothes Girl #1: If I'm not alone . . . How long have I been asleep? Gilly: As long as I have Girl #2: Did you ever live in a drum? Girl #1: No Girl #2: Well then you aren't me Gilly: I only dreamt I lived in a drum. Ever since it got dark. Dreaming is hard Girl #1: Yea, but with nothing over your head? Gilly: No, just light, over my head. And underneath too Girl #1: I don't think I could take it without anything over my head Girl #2: Mm-mmh, I couldn't either Girl #1: Well why don't you go out and see what's out there? Gilly: Well . . . I don't know if that's what's out there Girl #2: Now that's a thought Gilly: Yes . . . Girl #2: If you'd like . . . Gilly: But still you can say darker and darker. I don't know what the outside of this thing looks like at all John: I do. It's dark and murky Spider: How do you get your . . . your water so dark? John: 'Cause I'm paranoid. I'm very paranoid. And the water in my washing machine turns dark out of sympathy Spider: Out of sympathy? John: Yes Spider: Um . . . where can I get that? John: At your local drugstore Spider: How much? 5. It's From Kansas Pal Studio, Cucamonga, CA ? c. 1961 ?

includes last part of Oh No Motorhead: I worked in a cheesy newspaper company for a while but that was terrible, I wasn't making enough money to build anything (LOUIE LOUIE) Motorhead: And then I worked in a printing company and a coupla gas stations. Oh, at the gas station where I was working my brother just got married, and uh . . . he bought a new car and his wife was having a kid and all this miserable stuff, and he needed a job so I gave him a job at the gas station of which I was fired because, you know, he was gonna work there. And he had his car on the rack and he was lubing and changing tires and everything all the time. And so they got fired because he was goofing off, man, and he just kept taking parts and working on his car day and night. And so he lost that job and he went to work in another gas station. He took that one, you know, so he could feed the kids and that. And I went to work in an aircraft company, and uh . . . I was building these planes. I worked on the XB-70, I was the last welder on there. Yeah but, it was pretty good bread because I was making, uh . . . $2.71 an hour. I was making a hundred and a quarter a week, and uh . . . yeah, it was good enough money to be working on, so I got an Oldsmobile, a groovy Olds. But I was going with this chick at that time. By the time I got the Olds running decently, she went out and tore up the engine, and the trans, and a--her and a girlfriend they get in there and booze it up and tear up the seats. Just ripped the seats completely out. So uh . . . when, I got a '56 Olds, which was this one chick's I was going with, and uh . . . we used to drive out all over the place and finally she got rid of that, and uh . . . I got another pickup! 11. Another Pickup Fillmore Auditorium, San Francisco, CA June 24-25, 1966 Ray Collins--harmonica Elliot Ingber--rhythm guitar Roy Estrada--bass Jimmy Carl Black--drums

12. I Don't Know If I Can Go Through This Again We're Only In It For The Money Oh man, I don't know if I can go through this again! 2. PART TWO 1. Very Distraughtening Civilization Phaze III includes a fragment of Ronnie Sings? and a quote from Merry-Go-Round (Fischer) Ronnie Williams: Buh-bah-bahdn Spider: Oh! John: There it went again.. Spider: It's a little pig . . . with wings Pig With Wings: EE . . . Gross Man: I hear you've been having trouble with pigs and ponies! Left channel: Calvin: To . . . just the opposite . . . going around to the other direction Right channel: Calvin: How 'bout us, don't we get any? Gail: We don't get any . . . Calvin: That's very distraughtening Gail: We don't get any because we're otherwise Spider: Everything in the universe is . . . is . . . is made of one element, which is a note, a single note. Atoms are really vibrations, you know, which are extensions of THE BIG NOTE, everything's one note. Everything, even the ponies. The note, however, is the ultimate power, but see, the pigs don't know that, the ponies don't know that. Right? Monica: You mean just we know that? Spider: Right! Spider: "Merry Go Round! Merry Go Round! Do-Do-Do-Do DoDo-Do Do-Do-Do!" and they called that "doing their thing." John: Oh yeah, that's what doing your thing is! Spider: The thing is to put a motor in yourself. 2. White Ugliness Louis: Grrr . . . Arf arf arf ar-ar-ar-ar-ar! Teeth out there, and ready to attack 'em. . . I had to fight back and hit 'em, like . . . you know . . . hit 'em and hit 'em and hit 'em, and . . . kick 'em and kick 'em and . . . Roy: Did they get on top of you? Louis: No, I fought so back, hard back, and, it was . . . Roy: Hard back? Louis: White! Roy: White? Louis: Yeah, white ugliness Roy: Did it have teeth? Louis: And it was two, it was two boogey-men that were on the side and , we were . . . already blocked the entrance, so I had to . . . I had to kick, I had to fight to f-four or five boogey-men in front of me . . . Roy: Then . . . but maybe he can turn into . . . I wonder if he could maybe be [...] PFFFT! Louis: Yes, extremely vicious Roy: I don't know, those po- . . . I heard those ponies are really vicious! Louis: I know . . . but, I know they're vicious, but they . . . Roy: Their claws!

Louis: He d-d . . . he doesn't have to be able to do it Roy: They get on top of you, and they just tear you apart Louis: I know . . . Roy: Tee . . . Louis: Scars over here, see, scars right here. Yeah . . . Roy: Teeth to limb! Teeth to limb! I mean, toe to ta- . . . man, I hope they don't get him Louis: Ponies! I-i-if-if, if . . . is . . . Roy: Was it white? Are you sure it wasn't w-white, I mean, uh, black, or . . . Louis: Well, I think they're white, but I was too scared to notice their physical . . . Roy: Gold or something? Louis: I was too, I was too scared to no . . . n-no . . . uh-no . . . uhnotice their physical, ahh . . . appearance, 'cause they . . . they-they were attackin' me! Roy: They were? Louis: Yeah, they were . . . they were attackin' me! Roy: What were they doin' to you? Louis: Well, they were . . . they were like, they were . . . comin' and surroundin' me 'n everything else, and they were attackin' me and I had to fight back, fight, fight and fight back and . . . pick up sticks . . . Roy: Pick-up-sticks? Louis: Yes, pick up sticks, you know? Roy: I used to play that game, Pick-up-sticks Louis: Me too, did you ever play that game? Roy: Yeah! Louis: Yes! That's funny! HA HA HA! Roy: Anyway, come back to the horse . . . back to the horse? To the pony Louis: HA HA HA HA! Now . . . Roy: Anyway . . . Louis: Yes, pony, or . . . Roy: President . . . Louis: Or pope, I dunno, ah, I dunno . . . Roy: I don't know . . . Louis: Something down there is dangerous. Roy: Could be a cigar or somethin' Louis: Yeah . . . Roy: A cigar? Louis: A cigar? Naw, you're insane, come on! Roy: Nohhh, no . . . I remember when I was a . . . no I don't remember. Those were the days! Louis: Boy, you must spend all your life down here! Roy: That was before the days of those horses Louis: Yes, before the days of the . . . all the . . . ow-uh . . . ponies or boogey-men or somethin', what's out there Roy: But then there was a . . . what was it then? No pimples? Louis: No, I never did. Roy: Sure! Louis: Positively Roy: You had to have 'em. Louis: Naw, naw . . . Roy: You've got one right in your nose right now! Louis: HA HA HA HA! Scrtch-ch-ch! Scratchin' them . . . Roy: Boy, I'm gettin' tired, man. We should go . . . Louis: Oh, yes . . . Roy: We should go to sleep Louis: Oh, yeah . . . Roy: I just hope he comes back . . . Louis: Yes . . . Listen! Roy: I think I'll pray for him Louis: I think I'll join you Roy: You do yours and I'll do mine . . . Louis: Okay . . . HA HA HA HA! Roy: And we'll hope for the best. HEH HEH HEH! Louis: HA HA HA HA HA! I'll pray for [...] Motorhead Roy: Now I lay me down to sleep . . . 3. Amen Roy: Amen! Louis: Amen . . . 4. Just One More Time

Civilization Phaze III Ronnie Williams: Oh yeah! That's just fine! Come on boys! Just one more time!

7. Drums Are Too Noisy Larry: Drums are too noisy, 'n you've got no corners to hide in! John: So when she's beating him over the nose with a tire iron. and then we both jump away and disappear, and the pig will turn around and there'll be this pony

Spider: I think I can explain about . . . about how the pigs' music works Monica: Well, this should be interesting Spider: Remember that they make music with a very dense light, and remember about the smoke standing still and how they . . . they really get uptight when you try to move the smoke, right? Monica: Right John: Yeah? Spider: I think the music in that dense light is probably what makes the smoke stand still. Any sort of motion has this effect on . . . on the ponies' manes. You know, the thing on their neck John: Hmm . . . Spider: As soon as the pony's mane starts to get good in the back any sort of mo . . . motion, especially of smoke or gas, begins to make the ends split. John: That's the basis of all their nationalism. Like if they can't salute the smoke every morning when they get up . . . Spider: Yeah, it's a vicious circle. You got it.

Calvin: 'Cause round things are . . . are boring . . . hhh . . .

5. A Vicious Circle

10. Take Your Clothes Off

Gross Man: Pony! 6. King Kong Uncle Meat Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Make A Jazz Noise Here

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Original transcription from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage with corrections from the Civilization Phaze III booklet and Ben Watson's The Negative Dialectics of Poodle Play Additional info from http://www.RALF.com Further corrections and additions by Román, Charles Ulrich and Thrust Pigmy

8. Kangaroos Spider: Oh no, man . . . Monica: Oh . . . Spider & Monica: Kangaroos! Monica: And then they eat it when they get home John: If it's still alive Spider: Envelops the bath tub 9. Envelops The Bath Tub QuAUDIOPHILIAc

The Lost Episodes Joe's Corsage We're Only In It For The Money FZ:OZ You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Pal Studio, Cucamonga, CA ? c. 1963 ?

Cruising With Ruben & The Jets (The Mothers Of Invention, LP, Bizarre/Verve V6-5055, December 2, 1968) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13.

Cheap Thrills 2:20 Love Of My Life 3:17 How Could I Be Such A Fool 3:33 Deseri (Collins/Buff) 2:04 I'm Not Satisfied 3:59 Jelly Roll Gum Drop 2:17 Anything (Collins) 3:00 Later That Night 3:04 You Didn't Try To Call Me 3:53 Fountain Of Love (FZ/Collins) 2:57 "No. No. No." 2:27 Anyway The Wind Blows 2:56 Stuff Up The Cracks 4:29 Apostolic Studios, NYC December, 1967-February, 1968 Produced by Frank Zappa Engineered by Dick Kunc Cover by Cal Schenkel Ray Collins--lead vocals FZ--low grumbles, oo-wah and lead guitar (plus uncredited drums, piano & bass) Roy Estrada--high weazlings, dwaedy-doop & electric bass Don Preston--redundant piano triplets Ian Underwood--redundant piano triplets & tenor and alto sax Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax & tambourine Bunk Gardner--tenor and alto sax Jimmy Carl Black--lewd pulsating rhythm Arthur Dyer Tripp III--lewd pulsating rhythm + Jay Anderson--1984 mix new string bass tracks Arthur Barrow--1984 mix new bass tracks Chad Wackerman--1984 mix new drums tracks

• Tinsel Town Rebellion 1. Cheap Thrills 2:20 FZ--guitars, piano, bass, drums (original mix) Darling, darling, please hear my plea God only knows what your loving does to me Cheap thrills in the back of my car Cheap thrills, how fine they are Cheap thrills up and down my spine I need it, I need it, 'cause it feels so fine, now Cheap thrills all over the seat Cheap thrills, your kind of lovin' can't be beat Cheap thrills up and down my spine I need it, I need it, 'cause it feels so fine, now Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills, I can't wait another day Cheap thrills, you gotta try to sneak away Cheap thrills up and down my spine I need it, I need it, 'cause it feels so fine Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills set fire to my soul Cheap thrills, like a story untold about Cheap thrills up and down my spine I need it, I need it, 'cause it feels so fine Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills in the back of my car Cheap thrills, how fine they are Cheap thrills up and down my spine I need it, I need it, 'cause it feels so fine Cheap thrills all over the seat Cheap thrills, your kind of lovin' can't be beat Cheap thrills up and down my spine I need it, I need it, 'cause it feels so fine Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills Cheap thrills 2. Love Of My Life 3:17

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4

Love of my life, I love you so Love of my life, don't ever go I love you only Love, love of my life (Love of my life) Stars in the sky, they never lie Tell me you need me, don't say goodbye I love you only Love, love of my life Stars in the sky, they never lie Tell me you need me, don't say goodbye I love you darling, I love you only Don't ever leave me Don't make me, don't make me Don't make me lonely (Please, don't leave me!) Love of my life, I love you so Love of my life, don't ever go I love you only Love, love of my life (Spoken) Stars in the sky, they never lie Tell me you need me, don't say goodbye I love you darling, I love you only Don't ever leave me Don't make me, don't make me Don't make me lonely (Please, don't leave me, a-ah!) Love of my life, I love you so Love of my life, don't ever go I love you only Love, love of my life Love of my life, Love of my life, Love of my life, Love of my life 3. How Could I Be Such A Fool 3:33

• Joe's Corsage • The Old Masters Box One Mystery Disc • Freak Out! • FZ:OZ When I won your love, I was very glad Every happiness in the world belonged to me Then our love was lost, you went away Now I shed my tears in lonely misery I know now you never really loved me Oh, it hurts me now to think you never really cared I sit and ask myself a thousand times, try and find What really happened to the love that we shared (How could I be) How could I be (Be such a fool) Such a fool (How could I be) (Be such a fool) (How could I be) How could I believe

(Be such a fool) All those lies (How could I be) You told me (Be such a fool) (How could I be) How could I be taken in (Be such a fool) By your (How could I be) Sweet face (Be such a fool) You spoiled our love, You ruined my life I'm so tore down, I'm a terrible disgrace But there will come a time, you'll regret the way, ah You treated me as if I was a fool and didn't know The many times you lied about your love for me Someone is gonna know your love is just a show How could I be, be such a fool How could I be, be such a fool How could I be, be such a fool How could I be, be such a fool How could I be, be such a fool How could I be, be such a fool How could I be, be such a fool How could I be, be such a fool

(Deseri) But theres nothing . . . (Deseri oo-ooo) Nothing you would do (The one for me) I said, please hear my plea (Deseri oo-ooo) (My-y Deseri) Come dance with me (Deseri oo-ooo) (Please, hear my plea) (Deseri oo-ooo) Oh Deseri . . . (Deseri oo-ooo) (Come along with me) You came (Deseri oo-ooo) (Aa-aah Deseri) We went to the dance that night I held you so tight (Deseri oo-ooo) (My-y Deseri) (Deseri oo-ooo) And I know . . . (My-y Deseri) That our love will last . . . (Deseri oo-ooo) Thru the years (Deseri . . .) For ever, holding each other, for cram & for dorssn. 5. I'm Not Satisfied 3:59

4. Deseri 2:04 (Ray Collins/Paul Buff) When I'm dancing with Deseri (Oo-ooo Deseri) All the boys are jealous of me (Deseri) I'm as happy as I can be Oh, Deseri I'm as happy as I can be (Oo-ooo Deseri) Whenever I'm with Deseri (Deseri) She saves her lovin' just for me Oh Deseri I will never be untrue I will never ever make her blue She'll never sigh, cry, sit and pine We will share a love divine Deseri is mine I'm as happy as I can be (Oo-ooo Deseri) Whenever I'm with Deseri (Deseri) 'Cause she saves her lovin' just for me Oh Deseri Deseri . . . (Deseri oo-ooo) Deseri, the first day we met (Deseri oo-ooo) I'll never forget (Deseri oo-ooo) I saw you walking down the street And my heart skipped a beat (Deseri oo-ooo) (Deseri) I told you of my love for you (Deseri oo-ooo)

• Freak Out! • FZ:OZ Got no place to go No love left for me to give Why should I pretend I like To roam from door to door I guess that I'll just kill myself I just don't care no more I'm not satisfied Everything I tried I don't like the way Life has been abusing me Who would care if I was gone? Who needs me to care for them? Why should I just sit and watch While the others smile? I just wish that someone cared If I was happy for a while I'm not satisfied (I'm not satisfied) Everything I tried (Everything I tried) I don't like the way (I don't like the way) Life has been abusing me I'm not satisfied (I'm not satisfied) Everything I tried I don't like the way (Everything I tried) Life has been abusing me (I'm not satisfied)

I'm not satisfied (Everything I tried) Abusing me . . . (I'm not satisfied) I'm not, I'm not satisfied (Everything I tried) I'm not satisfied (I'm not satisfied) I-I-I . . . (Everything I tried) 6. Jelly Roll Gum Drop 2:17 Oh, Jelly Roll Gum Drop, got my eyes on you Baby don't you know now Jelly Roll Gum Drop, got my eyes on you The way you do the bop Like a spinning top The Pachuco Hop And the L.A. Slop You make a street car stop At the soda shop And my eye-balls pop When I see my Jelly Roll Gum Drop, got my eyes on you Mama don't you know now Jelly Roll Gum Drop, got my eyes on you The way you boogie all night You're my heart's delight You know I wish I might Get a tiny bite of your Jelly Roll Gum Drop, I wanna, I wanna (Bop bop bah, Bop bop bah) Jelly Roll Gum Drop, I wanna, I wanna Jelly Roll Gum Drop, I wanna, I wanna Jelly Roll Got to have it (Bop bop bah, Bop bop bah) And . . . eeeh! Got to . . . Oh, Jelly Roll! (Jelly Roll Gum Drop, Bop bop bah, Bop bop bah) Cough, cough . . . Tch, tch, tch . . . Gimme . . . I got to have it Got to have it ah-ahh (Jelly Roll Gum Drop, Bop bop bah, Bop bop bah) Sha-la-la-la, Sha-la-la-la Lemme have . . . (Cough, cough, cough) Got to have it . . .

Oh, I neeeeeed . . . (Cough, Cough, Cough!) Your Jelly Roll Gum Drop (Bop bop bah, Bop bop bah) Got to have Jelly Roll Gum Drop (Did-dee did-dee bop bop did-dee) (Did-dee did-dee bop bop did-dee) (Jelly Roll! Jelly Roll! Jelly Roll! Jelly Roll!) (Did-dee did-dee bop bop did-dee) Got to have . . . (Jelly Roll Gum Drop) (Jelly Roll! Jelly Roll! Jelly Roll! Jelly Roll!) Aaaah . . . (Did-dee did-dee bop bop did-dee) Aaaah . . . (Did-dee did-dee bop bop did-dee) (Bop bop bah, Bop bop bah) 7. Anything 3:00 (Ray Collins) For you, I could do anything For your love, my heart cries Take my heart, my love my everything For so long I've needed your love Oh, when, when you first came to me I-I-I-I-I doubted your love But now you mean everything to me And each day I love you more For you, I could do anything For your love, my heart cries Take my heart (Take my heart) My love, my everything (Take my love) For so long (Take my heart) I've needed you (Take my love) Take my heart Take my love Take my heart Take my love Take . . . 8. Later That Night 3:04

Jelly Roll Gum Drop, got my eyes on you Baby don't you know now Jelly Roll Gum Drop, got my eyes on you The way you do the bop Like a spinning top The Pachuco Hop And the L.A. Slop You make a street car stop At the soda shop And my eye-balls pop When I see my Jelly Roll Gum Drop, got my eyes on you Mama don't you know now Jelly Roll Gum Drop, got my eyes on you The way you boogie all night You're my heart's delight You know I wish I might Get a tiny bite of your Jelly Roll Gum Drop, I wanna, I wanna (Bop bop bah, Bop bop bah) Jelly Roll Gum Drop, I wanna, I wanna Got to, got to . . . Jelly Roll Gum Drop Got to! (Bop bop bah, Bop bop bah)

includes a quote from Glory Of Love (Hill) by The Velvetones You surely must be trying To break this heart of mine I thought you knew I loved you And we'd share a love so fine But later that night (You threw a) padlock on my door (My) clothes out on the street ('Cause you) don't want my love no more And I cryyyd I-I-I cryyyd Oh, I cried (I cried) My heart out Cried (I cried) My heart out Later that night

You surely must be trying To break this heart of mine I thought you knew I loved you And we'd share a love so fine But later that night (You threw a) padlock on my door (You threw my) clothes out on the street ('Cause you) don't want my love no more And I cryyyd I-I-I cryyyd I cried (I cried) My heart out Cried My heart out Later that night (Spoken) Don't go baby, don't put me out on the street. You threw my best sharkskin suit out on the lawn, right on top of some dog waste (I hold in my hand three letters from the stages of your fine, fine, super-fine career . . . ) and my best white shirts with the Mr. B collar laying all over the front lawn. Where's my cuff links? Lemme back in dere. Dere? Ha! "Huffa puffa, Huffa puffa There's no room to breathe in here" "That's alright honey. You can come out of the closet now" 9. You Didn't Try To Call Me 3:53

• Freak Out! • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol.1 You didn't try to call me, why didn't you try? I'm so lonely No matter who I take home, I keep calling your name And you, (I need you so bad) you're the one babe Tell me, tell me who's lovin' you now 'Cause it worries my mind and I can't sleep at all I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call And you didn't try, you didn't try, you didn't try You didn't try to call me Why didn't you try, I'm so lonely (I'm so lonely!) No matter who I take home, I keep calling your name And you, (I need you so bad) You're the one babe Tell me, tell me who's lovin' you now 'Cause it worries my mind and I can't sleep at all I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call I can't say what's wrong or what's right All you've gotta do is call me babe You make me feel so excited girl I got so hung up on you from the moment that we met That no matter how I try, I can't keep the tears from running down my face I'm all alone in my place You didn't try to call me You didn't try to call me You didn't try to call me

You didn't try to call me You didn't try to call me You didn't try to call me 10. Fountain Of Love 2:57 (FZ/Ray Collins)

• The Lost Episodes includes a quote from Rite Of Spring (Stravinsky) Fountain . . . of . . . love! One . . . two . . . It was September, the leaves were gold That's when our hearts knew that story untold We were young lovers (We were young lovers) Strolling near The fountain of love Fountain of love Fountain of love (Fountain of love) Fountain of love Do you remember, I held you so near Our love's glowing ember so precious and dear We were young lovers (Lovers) Strolling near The fountain of love Fountain of love Fountain of love (Fountain of love) Fountain of love We made a wish (Lo-o-o-o-ove) And threw in a coin And since that day (Lo-o-ove) Our hearts have been joined So all you young lovers (Lo-o-o-o-ove) Wherever you are The fountain of love is not very far We'll go on dreaming of that golden day And remember the fountain is not far away We were young lovers (Lo-o-o-overs) Strolling near The fountain of love Fountain of love Fountain of love Fountain of love (Spoken) (Lo-o-ove) We made a wish and threw in a coin (Lo-o-ove) And since that day, our hearts have been joined (Lo-o-ove) So all you young lovers wherever you are The fountain of love is not very far Fountain of love, oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo (wee-oo) Fountain of love, oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo (wee-oo) Fountain of love, oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo (wee-oo) Fountain of love, oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo (wee-oo)

Fountain of love, oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo (wee-oo) Fountain of love, oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo (wee-oo) Fountain of love . . . 11. "No. No. No." 2:27 FZ--guitars, piano, bass, drums (original mix) Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo No no no no no no no-o-o-oo-oh (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) Makes me cry to see you go-o-o-oo-oh (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) No no no no no no no-o-o-oo-oh (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) Makes me cry to see you go-o-o-oo-oh (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo

No no no no no no no-o-o-oo-oh (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) (And some day you'll have to pay) (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) (I ain't such a fool that I would let you go) I ain't going to let you go-o-o-oo-oh (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) (And treat me this way) (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) (You know you treat me funky, baby) No no no no no no no-o-o-oo-oh (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) (You know you treat me funky, baby) (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) (You know you treat me funky, baby) I ain't going to let you go-o-o-oo-oh (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) (You know you treat me funky, baby) (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) (You know you treat me funky, baby) No no no no no no no-o-o-oo-oh (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) (You know you treat me funky, baby) (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) (You know you treat me funky, baby) I ain't going to let you go-o-o-oo-oh (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) (You know you treat me funky, baby) 12. Anyway The Wind Blows 2:56

Left me here to cry alone (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) With a bottle of juice & a pork chop bone (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) No no no no no no no-o-o-oo-oh (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) Makes me cry to see you go-o-o-oo-oh (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Gave my money all to you-oo (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) You took my watch and pawned it too-oo (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) Three gold teeth and one glass eye (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) You didn't have the nerve to say goodbye (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo You know you treat me funky baby (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) And some day you'll have to pay (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) I ain't such a fool that I would let you go (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) And treat me this way (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) No no no no no no no-o-o-oo-oh (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) I ain't going to let you go-o-o-oo-oh (Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo Boppa dooayyydoo) (You know you treat me funky, baby)

• The Lost Episodes • Joe's Corsage • Freak Out! Anyway the wind blows (Blo-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-ow-ow-ows) Is a-fine with me (Blo-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-ow-ow-ows) Anyway the wind blows (Blo-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-ow-ow-ows) It don't matter to me (Blo-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-ow-ow-ows) 'Cause I'm thru with the fussin' and a-fightin' with you I went out and found a woman who is gonna be true She makes me oh so happy now, I'm never ever blue Anyway the wind blows (Blo-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-ow-ow-ows) Is a-fine with me (Blo-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-ow-ow-ows) Anyway the wind blows (Blo-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-ow-ow-ows) It don't matter to me (Blo-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-ow-ow-ows) 'Cause she treats me like she loves me And she never makes me cry I'm gonna stick with her till the day I die She's not like you baby, she would never ever lie Anyway the wind blows (Blo-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-ow-ow-ows) Is a-fine with me (Blo-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-ow-ow-ows) Anyway the wind blows (Blo-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-ow-ow-ows) It don't matter to me (Blo-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-ow-ow-ows) Now I'm gonna go away and leave you standin' at the door I'll tell you this baby, I won't be back no more 'Cause you don't even know what love is for Anyway the wind blows (Blo-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-ow-ow-ows) Anyway the wind blows (Blo-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-ow-ow-ows)

Oh! Anyway (Blo-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-ow-ow-ows) The wind blows Anyway (Blo-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-ow-ow-ows) The wind blows Mmm-mm-mmm-mmm . . . 13. Stuff Up The Cracks 4:29 If you decide to leave me, it's all over If you decide to leave me, it's all over I tried to make you happy I gave you all my love There's nothing left for me to do but cry If you decide to leave me, it's all over If you decide to leave me, it's all over I tried to make you happy I gave you all my love There's nothing left for me to do but cry Ooo, oo-ooo, ooo, oo-ooo, ooo, oo-ooo Stuff up the cracks, turn on the gas I'm gonna take my life Sss--stuff it! All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the album booklet with corrections and additions from The Old Masters Box One booklet and St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Further corrections and additions by Román and Charles Ulrich The parts on the original vinyl and not on the CD remix are printed this way, and the parts on the CD mix not on the original vinyl this other way

If you decide to leave me, it's all over If you decide to leave me, it's all over I tried to make you happy I gave you all my love There's nothing left for me to do but cry If you decide to leave me If you decide to leave me I'll cry (If you decide to leave me) (I'll cry!) O-oh, I'll cry (If you decide to leave me) (I'll cry!) I-I-I'll cry (If you decide to leave me) O-oh, don't go (If you decide to leave me) Don't le-ee-ee-ee-eave me (If you decide to leave me) (If you decide to leave me) (If you decide to leave me) Don't go (If you decide to leave me) O-oo-oh . . . don't go . . .

Mothermania: The Best of the Mothers (The Mothers Of Invention, March 1969) Side 2 Side 1 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Brown Shoes Don't Make It 7:26 Mother People 1:41 Duke Of Prunes 5:09 Call Any Vegetable 4:31 The Idiot Bastard Son 2:26

Only in the Spanish edition: 1. 2.

Who Needs The Peace Corps? 2:34 Concentration Moon 2:27

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

It Can't Happen Here 3:13 You Are Probably Wondering Why I'm Here 3:37 Who Are The Brain Police? 3:22 Plastic People 3:40 Hungry Freaks, Daddy 3:27 America Drinks And Goes Home 2:43

On a rug where they walk and drool Past the girls in the office Side 1 1. Brown Shoes Don't Make It Absolutely Free Tinsel Town Rebellion T.T.G. Studios, LA November 18, 1966 FZ--guitar, vocals Ray Collins--vocals, tambourine Jim Fielder--guitar, piano Don Preston--keyboards Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Roy Estrada--bass, vocals Jim Black--drums, vocals Billy Mundi--drums, percussion + Jim Getzoff--violin Marshall Sosson--violin Alvin Dinkin--viola Armond Kaproff--cello Don Ellis--trumpet John Rotella--contra-bass clarinet + Lisa Cohen--Suzy Creamcheese Brown shoes Don't make it Brown shoes Don't make it Quit school Why fake it? Brown shoes Don't make it . . . TV dinner by the pool Watch your brother grow a beard Got another year of school You're okay--he's too weird Be a plumber He's a bummer He's a bummer Every summer Be a loyal plastic robot for a world that doesn't care . . . Smile at every ugly Shine on your shoes & cut your hair Be a joik And go t' woik Be a joik And go t' woik Be a joik And go t' woik Be a joik And go t' woik Do your job & do it right Life's a ball TV tonight . . . Do you love it? Do you hate it? There it is . . . The way you made it . . . YARRRRRRRRRRRGH-H-H! A world of secret hungers Perverting the men who make your laws Every desire is hidden away In a drawer . . . in a desk By a naugahyde chair

Hratche-plche Hratche-plche Hratche-plche Hratche-plche We see in the back of the City Hall mind The dream of a girl about thirteen Off with her clothes and into a bed Where she tickles his fancy all night lonnnnnnnnng His wife's attending an orchid show She squealed for a week to get him to go But back in the bed, his teen-age queen Is rocking & rolling & acting obscene Baby baby Hratche-plche Hratche-plche Baby baby Hratche-plche Hratche-plche And he loves it! He loves it! It curls up his toes She bites his fat neck and it lights up his nose But he cannot be fooled, old City Hall Fred She's nasty! She's nasty! She digs it in bed! Do it again and do it some more That does it by golly, it's nasty for sure Nasty nasty nasty, nasty nasty nasty (Only thirteen and she knows how to nasty . . . ) She's a dirty young mind Corrupted, corroded Well she's thirteen today And I hear she gets loaded P-pum-m-mum-m-mum-m-mum P-pum-m-mum-m-mum-m-mum P-bum If she were my daughter, I'd . . . What would you do daddy? If she were my daughter, I'd . . . What would you do daddy? If she were my daughter, I'd . . . What would you do daddy? Smother my daughter in chocolate syrup And strap her on again, oh baby! Smother that girl in chocolate syrup And strap her on again She's a teen-age baby and she turns me on I'd like to make her do a nasty on the White House lawn Gonna smother that girl in chocolate syrup-And boogie till the cows come home Time to go home--Madge is on the phone Gotta meet the Gurney's And a dozen grey attorneys TV dinner by the pool I'm so glad I finished school Life is such a ball I run the world from City Hall! 2. Mother People We're Only In It For The Money Mayfair and Apostolic Studios, NYC August-October, 1967

FZ guitar, piano, lead vocals Ian Underwood piano, woodwinds Motorhead Sherwood soprano & baritone saxophone Bunk Gardner all woodwinds Roy Estrada electric bass, vocals Billy Mundi drums, vocal Jimmy Carl Black drums, trumpet, vocals We are the other people We are the other people We are the other people You're the other people too Found a way to get to you . . . Do you think that I'm crazy? Out of my mind? Do you think that I creep in the night And sleep in a phone booth? Lemme take a minute & tell you my plan Lemme take a minute & tell who I am If it doesn't show, Think you better know I'm another person Do you think that my pants are too tight? Do you think that I'm creepy? Better look around before you say you don't care Shut your fuckin' mouth about the length of my hair How would you survive If you were alive Shitty little person? We are the other people We are the other people We are the other people You're the other people too Found a way to get to you We are the other people We are the other people We are the other people You're the other people too Found a way to get to you Do you think that I love you . . . Stupid & blind? Do you think that I dream through the night Of holding you near me? 3. Duke Of Prunes

Jim Black--drums, vocals Billy Mundi--drums, percussion A moonbeam through the prune In June Reveals your chest I see your lovely beans And in that magic go-kart I bite your neck The cheese I have for you My dear Is real And very new! A moonbeam through the prune In June Reveals your chest I see your lovely beans And in that magic go-kart I bite your neck The love I have for you My dear Is real And very new! Doh-Doh-Doh Doh-Doh Prune! (Pah-Da-Dahhh!) If it is a real prune... (Pah-Da-Dahhh!) Knows no cheese! (Chunka Chunk . . . Chunka Chunka Chunka Chunka Chunk . . . ) And stands . . . (Oh No-o-o-o!) Taller & stronger Than any tree Or bush! And I know The love I have for you Will grow & grow & grow I think And so my love I offer you A love that is strong A prune that is true! LA LA LALA LA LA LALALA LAH LAH LAH LA LA LA LA LA LA OOOOOOOOH! (Chunka Chunka Chunka . . . ) LA LA LA LALA . . .

The Old Masters Box One Mystery Disc Absolutely Free Orchestral Favorites Läther

My darling . . . you mean so very much to me . . . I love you so deeply! It just makes me . . .

includes quotes from Rite Of Spring (Stravinsky), Firebird Suite (Stravinsky), Duke Of Earl (Dixon/Edwards/Williams), and Baby Love (Holland/Dozier/Holland)

(Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Prunes, Prunes) I hardly recognize you, darling . . . Oh, I'll never forget you, darling. . . (Prunes, Duke of Prunes, Prunes, Prunes) Oh I suppose I will forget you eventually . . . In fact, I've already forgotten you . . . (Duke of Prunes, Prunes, Prunes) What is your name? Nice to see you again.

T.T.G. Studios, LA November 15-16, 1966 FZ--guitar, vocals Ray Collins--vocals, tambourine, PRUNE Jim Fielder--guitar, piano Don Preston--keyboards Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Roy Estrada--bass, vocals

LA LA LA LA LA LA etc.

And you'll be my Douchess My Douchess of Prunes A moonbeam through the prune In June

Reveals your chest I see your lovely beans And in that magic go-kart I bite your neck The cheese I have for you My dear Is real And very new! (New cheese!) Prunes! (Pah-Da-Dahhh!) If they are fresh prunes . . . (Pah-Da-Dahhh!) Know no cheese! (Chunka Chunka Chinky Chunky Stinky Stanky . . . ) And they just lie there Drowning & sickening And it's just . . . I dunno Oh-h-h-h-h! And I know I think The love I have for you Will never end Well . . . maybe (Whah!) And so my love I offer you A love that is strong A prune that is true! (Ha Ha!) This is the exciting part . . . It's like the SUPREMES... See the way it builds up BABY BABY D'ya feel it? BABY BABY My prune is yours, my love My cheese for you My baby prune My baby prune I do like you My baby cheese etc., etc. You know I do My dear I love you etc., etc. Oh cheesy fat Oh cheesy fat Oh cheesy fat Oh baby fat Oh cheesy fat Oh baby blue Cheesy, cheesy! 4. Call Any Vegetable Absolutely Free Playground Psychotics Just Another Band From L.A. includes quotes from The Planets Suite (Gustav Holst), God Bless America (Irving Berlin), America The Beautiful (Ward/Bates), Marine's Hymn (trad.) and A Soldier's Tale (Stravinsky) T.T.G. Studios, LA November 16, 1966 FZ--guitar, vocals Ray Collins--vocals, tambourine

Jim Fielder--guitar, piano Don Preston--keyboards Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Roy Estrada--bass, vocals Jim Black--drums, vocals Billy Mundi--drums, percussion (This is a song about vegetables . . . they keep you regular; they're real good for ya.) Call any vegetable (Call any vegetable) Call it by name (Call any vegetable) Call one today (Call any vegetable) When you get off the train (Call any vegetable) Call any vegetable And the chances are good Ooooh! The vegetable Will respond to you (Some people don't go for prunes . . . I dunno . . . I've always found that if they . . . ) Call any vegetable (Call any vegetable) Pick up your phone (Call any vegetable) Think of a vegetable (Call any vegetable) Lonely at home (Call any vegetable) Call any vegetable And the chances are good That a vegetable will respond to you-hoooo RUTA-BAY-AY-AYGA RUTA-BAY-AY-AYGA RUTA-BAY-AY-AYGA RUTA-BAY-AY-AYGA RUTA-BAYYYYY . . . (A prune isn't really a vegetable. Cabbage is a vegetable.) No one will know If you don't want to let 'em know No one will know 'Less it's you that might tell 'em so Call and they'll come to you Covered with dew Vegetables dream Of responding to you Standing there Shiny & proud by your side Holding your hand While the neighbors decide Why is a vegetable Something to hide? YAR-R-R-R-R-G-H! A lot of people don't bother about their friends in the VEGETABLE KINGDOM. They think, "Ah, what can I say? What can a person like myself say to a vegetable?" But the answer is simple, my friends . . . just call . . . and tell them how you feel . . . about MUFFINS, PUMPKINS, WAX PAPER, CALEDONIA, MAHOGANIES, ELBOWS AND GREEN THINGS IN GENERAL . . . and soon: A NEW RAPPORT! You and your new little green & yellow buddies . . . grooving together! OH NO! Maintaining your coolness together! Worshipping together in the church of your choice! ONLY IN AMERICA! Woh-oh-oh-ah-agh-h . . .

Call any vegetable Call it by name You gotta call one today When you get off the train Call any vegetable And the chances are good AR-R-H-R that the vegetable Will respond to you... OH NO! Can you see them responding? The PUMPKIN is breathing hard: HUFFA PUFFA HUFFA PUFFA etc. what a pumpkin . . . 5. The Idiot Bastard Son We're Only In It For The Money You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 includes a line from the Run Home, Slow soundtrack Mayfair and Apostolic Studios, NYC August-October, 1967 FZ guitar, piano, lead vocals Ian Underwood piano, woodwinds Motorhead Sherwood soprano & baritone saxophone Bunk Gardner all woodwinds Roy Estrada electric bass, vocals Billy Mundi drums, vocal Jimmy Carl Black drums, trumpet, vocals The idiot bastard son: (THE FATHER'S A NAZI IN CONGRESS TODAY . . . THE MOTHER'S A HOOKER SOMEWHERE IN L.A.) The idiot bastard son: (ABANDONED TO PERISH IN BACK OF A CAR . . . KENNY WILL STASH HIM AWAY IN A JAR) THE IDIOT BOY! Try and imagine The window all covered in green All the time he would spend At the church he'd attend . . . Warming his pew Kenny will feed him & Ronnie will watch THE CHILD WILL THRIVE & GROW And enter the world Of liars & cheaters & people like you Who smile & think you know What this is about (YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING . . . maybe so) The song we sing: DO YOU KNOW? We're listening . . . THE IDIOT BOY! Try and imagine The window all covered in green All the time he would spend All the colors he'd blend . . . Where are they now? Side 2 1. It Can't Happen Here Freak Out!

T.T.G. Studios, LA March 12, 1966 FZ--vocals Ray Collins--vocals Roy Estrada--vocals Jim Black--vocals + Jeannie Vassoir as Suzy Creamcheese And maybe some other freaks It can't happen here It can't happen here I'm telling you, my dear That it can't happen here Because I been checkin' it out, baby I checked it out a couple a times But I'm telling you It can't happen here Oh darling, it's important that you believe me (Bop bop bop bop) That it can't happen here Who could imagine that they would freak out somewhere in Kansas . . . (Kansas . . . Kansas . . . Kansas . . . Kansas . . . ) (Kansas, Kansas, do-do-dun to-to Kansas, Kansas, la la la) (Kansas, Kansas, do-do-dun to-to Kansas, Kansas) Who could imagine that they would freak out in Minnesota . . . (Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi . . . ) (Mama Minnesota, Mama Minnesota, Mama Minnesota, Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma Mama Minnesota, Mama Minnesota, Mama Minnesota, Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma Mama Minnesota) Who could imagine That they would freak out in Washington, D.C. (AC/DC bop-bop-bop) (AC/DC do-do-do-dun, AC/DC Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma, AC/DC) But it can't happen here Oh baby, it can't happen here (AC/DC bop-bop-bop) Oh baby, it can't happen here (AC/DC bop-bop-bop) It can't happen here Everybody's safe and it can't happen here (AC/DC bop-bop-bop) No freaks for us (AC/DC bop-bop-bop) It can't happen here (AC/DC bop-bop-bop) Everybody's clean and it can't happen here No, no, it won't happen here (No, no, it won't happen here) (AC/DC bop-bop-bop) I'm telling you it can't (AC/DC bop-bop-bop) It won't happen here Bop-bop-ditty-bop (I'm not worried at all, I'm not worried at all) Ditty-bop-bop-bop Plastic folks, you know It won't happen here You're safe, mama (No no no) You're safe, baby (No no no) You just cook a tv dinner (No no no) And you make it Bop bop bop

(No no no) Oh, we're gonna get a tv dinner and cook it up (No no no no no no no!) Oh, get a tv dinner and cook it up Cook it up Oh, and it won't happen here Who could imagine That they would freak out in the suburbs! (No no no no no no no no no no Man you guys are really safe Everything's cool)

(Yeah!) That's just how much I marvel At the lameness on your face You rise each day the same old way And join your friends out on the street Spray your hair And think you're neat I think your life is incomplete But maybe that's not for me to say They only pay me here to play (I wanna hear Caravan with a drum sola!)

I remember (tu-tu) I remember (tu-tu) I remember (tu-tu) They had a swimming pool I remember (tu-tu) I remember (tu-tu) They had a swimming pool I remember (tu-tu) I remember (tu-tu) They had a swimming pool And they thought it couldn't happen here (duh duh duh) They knew it couldn't happen here They were so sure it couldn't happen here But . . . Suzy . . . Yes yes, oh yes--I've always felt that Yes, I agree man, it really makes it . . . yeah . . . Psychedelic! It's a real THING, man, it really makes it FZ: Suzy, you just got to town, and we've been . . . we've been very interested in your development . . . since you first took the shots Suzy: Forget it! Hmmmmmmmmm (It can't happen here) (Can't happen here . . . ) (Can't happen here . . . ) 2. You're Probably Wondering Why I'm Here Freak Out! T.T.G. Studios, LA March 9, 1966 FZ--guitar & vocals Ray Collins--vocals, tambourine Jim Black--drums Roy Estrada--bass Elliot Ingber--guitar + Eugene Di Novi--piano Gene Estes--percussion Neil Le Vang--guitar

You're probably wondering Why I'm here And so am I So am I Just as much as you wonder 'Bout me starin' back at you (Yeah!) That's just how much I question The corny things you do You paint your face and then you chase To meet the gang where the action is Stomp all night And drink your fizz Roll your car and say "Gee whiz!" You tore a big hole in your convertible top What will you tell your Mom and Pop? (Mom, I tore a big hole in the convertible) You're probably wondering Why I'm here And so am I So am I Just as much as you wonder If I mean just what I say (Yeah!) That's just how much I question The social games you play You told your Mom you're stoked on Tom And went for a cruise in Freddie's car Tommy's asking Where you are You boogied all night in a cheesy bar Plastic boots and plastic hat And you think you know where it's at? You're probably wondering Why I'm here (Not that it makes a heck of a lot of a difference to ya) 3. Who Are The Brain Police? Freak Out!

Bop bop-bop bop-bop bop-BOW Bop bop-bop bop-bop bop-BOW You're probably wondering Why I'm here And so am I So am I Just as much as you wonder 'Bout me bein' in this place

T.T.G. Studios, LA March 9, 1966 FZ--guitar & vocals Ray Collins--vocals Jim Black--drums Roy Estrada--bass Elliot Ingber--guitar + Eugene Di Novi--piano

Gene Estes--percussion Neil Le Vang--guitar What will you do if we let you go home, And the plastic's all melted, And so is the chrome? WHO ARE THE BRAIN POLICE? What will you do when the label comes off, And the plastic's all melted, And the chrome is too soft? WAAAAHHHHHH! I think I'm gonna die . . . I think I'm gonna die . . . I think I'm going to die . . . I think I'm going to die . . . I think I'm going to die . . . I think I'm going to die . . . I'm gonna die . . . I think I'm going to die . . . I think I'm gonna die . . . I'm going to die . . . I think I'm gonna die . . . I think I'm gonna die . . . I think I'm gonna die . . . Going to die! WHO ARE THE BRAIN POLICE? What will you do if the people you knew Were the plastic that melted, And the chromium too? WHO ARE THE BRAIN POLICE? 4. Plastic People Joe's Corsage The Old Masters Box One Mystery Disc Absolutely Free You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1

(I know it's hard to defend an unpopular policy every once in a while ...) Plastic people Oh baby, now You're such a drag (And there's this guy from the CIA and he's creeping around Laurel Canyon . . . ) A fine little girl She waits for me She's as plastic As she can be She paints her face With plastic goo And wrecks her hair With some shampoo Plastic people Oh baby, now You're such a drag (I dunno . . . sometimes I just get tired of ya, honey . . . it's --- Ah --your hair spray . . . or something.) Plastic people Oh baby! You're such a drag (I hear the sound of marching feet . . . down Sunset Blvd. to Crescent Heights, and there, at Pandora's Box, we are confronted with . . . a vast quantity of PLASTIC PEOPLE.) Take a day And walk around Watch the nazis Run your town Then go home And check yourself You think we're singing 'Bout someone else . . . but you're

includes quotes from Louie Louie (Berry) T.T.G. Studios, LA November 15, 1966 FZ--guitar, vocals Ray Collins--vocals, tambourine Jim Fielder--guitar Don Preston--keyboards Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Roy Estrada--bass, vocals Jim Black--drums, vocals Billy Mundi--drums, percussion Ladies & Gennelmen . . . the PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES! Fella Americans . . . DOOT, DOOT, DOOT . . . DOOT . . . He's been sick. DOO-OO-OOT . . . DOOT! DOOT! (Teet-Teet . . . Teet-Teet . . . Teet-Teet . . . Teet-Teet-Teet) And I think his wife is gonna bring him some chicken soup. DOOT, DOOT (Teet-Teet) Plastic people Oh baby, now . . . You're such a drag

Plastic people! (Woooooooooooooooooooh!) Oh baby, now . . . You're such a drag Ooo-Ooo-Ooo Ooo-Ooo-Ooo Ooo-Ooo-Ooo Ooooooooh! Me see a neon Moon above I searched for years I found no love I'm sure that love Will never be A product of Plasticity A product of Plasticity A product of Plasticity: FZ: PLASTIC! PLASTIC PEOPLE! PLA-HA-HA-HA-HA . . . PLASTIC . . . PEOPLE PLASTIC PEOPLE . . . OO-OOOH OO-OOH . . . PLASTIC . . . A prune is a vegetable . . . no, a prune is not a vegetable. Cabbage is a vegetable . . . makes it O.K. PLASTIC PEOPLE . . . PLASTIC

PEOPLE, PLASTIC PEOPLE! Ooo-Hoo-Hoo . . . Ooo-ooh-ooh-ooh Hoo-Hoo Ooh-ooh Ooh-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo Ray: You are. Your foot. Your hair. Your nose. Your arms. You eat. Youc suck. You love. You are. Your being is . . . you're PLASTIC . . . PEOPLE . . . BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH . . . plastic pepples . . . [...] You drive. You live in. You dream about . . . you think only of . . . you eat . . . you are . . . pepples . . . plastic . . . plastic pepples . . . Purple prancing. Plastic people. Every pepples . . .

Great mid-western hardware store Philosophy that turns away From those who aren't afraid to say What's on their minds (The left-behinds of the Great Society) 6. America Drinks And Goes Home Absolutely Free T.T.G. Studios, LA Prob. November 17, 1966

Peep-peep Pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-peep! 5. Hungry Freaks, Daddy Freak Out! T.T.G. Studios, LA March 9, 1966 FZ--lead guitar & vocals Ray Collins--vocals, tambourine Jim Black--drums Roy Estrada--bass Elliot Ingber--guitar + Eugene Di Novi--piano Gene Estes--percussion Neil Le Vang--guitar Mister America Walk on by Your schools that do not teach Mister America Walk on by The minds that won't be reached Mister America Try to hide The emptiness that's you inside When once you find that the way you lied And all the corny tricks you tried Will not forestall the rising tide of Hungry freaks, Daddy . . . They won't go For no more Great mid-western hardware store Philosophy that turns away From those who aren't afraid to say What's on their minds (The left-behinds of the Great Society) Hungry freaks, Daddy . . . Mister America Walk on by Your supermarket dream Mister America Walk on by The liquor store supreme Mister America Try to hide The product of your savage pride The useful minds that it denied The day you shrugged and stepped aside You saw their clothes and then you cried: THOSE HUNGRY FREAKS, DADDY! They won't go For no more

FZ--guitar, vocals Ray Collins--vocals, tambourine Jim Fielder--guitar Don Preston--keyboards Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Roy Estrada--bass, vocals Jim Black--drums, vocals Billy Mundi--drums, percussion + Herb Cohen--cash register machine Terry Gilliam & girlfriend--voices Here's a special request . . . hope you'll enjoy it! I tried to find How my heart Could be so blind, dear How could I be fooled Just like the rest You came on strong With your fast car And your class ring Soft voice and your sad eyes I fell for the whole thing I don't regret Having met Up with a girl who Breaks hearts like they were Nothing at all I've done it too Now I know Just what it feels like And just like I said There's no regrets . . . Well, it's about time to close . . . I hope you've had as much fun as we have. Don't forget the jam session Sunday . . . MANDY TENSION will be by, playing his xylophone troupe. It's really been a lot of fun. Monday night is the dance contest night: THE TWIST CONTEST . . . we're gonna give away peanut butter & jelly & baloney samwiches for all of ya. IT REALLY HAS BEEN FUN. I hope we've played your requests . . . the songs you like to hear . . . LAST CALL FOR ALCOHOL! Drink it up, folks. Wonnerful. Nice to see you, Bob . . . how's it goin'? How's the kids? Wonnerful. Nice to see ya. Yes. BILL BAILEY? Oh . . . we'll get to that tomorrow night. Yeah. CARAVAN (with a drum sola)? Right. Yeah . . . we'll do that. Wonnerful. Nice to see you again. Yeah. LA LA LA LA LAH-H-H-H! DOWN AT THE POMPADOUR A-GO-GO LA LA LA LA LAH-H-H-H! VO DO DEE OH PEE PEE SHOOBE DOOT-N-DAH-DAH-DAH YA DA DA-A-A-A-H-H-H-H-H! NA NYA DA DA DA DA DAH-H-H-H-H-H! Nite all.

Only in the Spanish edition 1. Who Needs The Peace Corps? We're Only In It For The Money The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Mayfair and Apostolic Studios, NYC August-October, 1967 FZ guitar, piano, lead vocals Ian Underwood piano, woodwinds Motorhead Sherwood soprano & baritone saxophone Bunk Gardner all woodwinds Roy Estrada electric bass, vocals Billy Mundi drums, vocal Jimmy Carl Black drums, trumpet, vocals JCB: Hi, boys & girls, I'm Jimmy Carl Black, I'm the Indian of the group! What's there to live for? Who needs the peace corps? Think I'll just DROP OUT I'll go to Frisco Buy a wig & sleep On Owsley's floor Walked past the wig store Danced at the Fillmore I'm completely stoned I'm hippy & I'm trippy I'm a gypsy on my own I'll stay a week & get the crabs & Take a bus back home I'm really just a phony But forgive me 'Cause I'm stoned Every town must have a place Where phony hippies meet Psychedelic dungeons Popping up on every street GO TO SAN FRANCISCO . . . How I love ya, How I love ya How I love ya, How I love ya Frisco! How I love ya, How I love ya How I love ya, How I love ya Oh, my hair is getting good in the back! Every town must have a place Where phony hippies meet Psychedelic dungeons Popping up on every street GO TO SAN FRANCISCO . . . Hotcha! First I'll buy some beads And then perhaps a leather band To go around my head Some feathers and bells And a book of Indian lore I will ask the Chamber Of Commerce How to get to Haight Street And smoke an awful lot of dope I will wander around barefoot I will have a psychedelic gleam in my eye at all times I will love everyone I will love the police as they kick the shit out of me on the street

I will sleep . . . I will, I will go to a house That's, that's what I will do I will go to a house Where there's a rock & roll band 'Cause the groups all live together And I will join a rock & roll band I will be their road manager And I will stay there with them And I will get the crabs But I won't care 2. Concentration Moon We're Only In It For The Money Playground Psychotics Mayfair and Apostolic Studios, NYC August-October, 1967 FZ guitar, piano, lead vocals Ian Underwood piano, woodwinds Motorhead Sherwood soprano & baritone saxophone Bunk Gardner all woodwinds Roy Estrada electric bass, vocals Billy Mundi drums, vocal Jimmy Carl Black drums, trumpet, vocals Gary Kellgren creepy whispering Concentration Moon Over the camp in the valley Concentration Moon Wish I was back in the alley With all of my friends, Still running free: Hair growing out Every hole in me AMERICAN WAY How did it start? Thousands of creeps Killed in the park AMERICAN WAY Try and explain Scab of a nation Driven insane Don't cry Gotta go bye bye SUDDENLY: DIE DIE COP KILL A CREEP! pow pow pow Gary Kellgren: Tomorrow I get to do another Frank Zappa creation . . . and the day after that . . . and the day after that . . . also at the same time I get to work with The Velvet Underground . . . as Frank Zappa's group JCB: Hi, boys & girls, I'm Jimmy Carl Black, and I'm the Indian of the group Concentration Moon Over the camp in the valley Concentration Moon Wish I was back in the alley With all of my friends, Still running free: Hair growing out Every hole in me AMERICAN WAY Threatened by US Drag a few creeps Away in a bus AMERICAN WAY Prisoner: lock

SMASH EVERY CREEP IN THE FACE WITH A ROCK

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the original albums with corrections and additions by Román using the helpful info from The Zappa Patio for stuffing black holes The parts that differ from the original vinyl versions are printed this way

Don't cry Gotta go bye bye SUDDENLY: DIE DIE COP KILL A CREEP! pow pow pow

Uncle Meat (The Mothers Of Invention, April 1969)

disc 1 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17.

Uncle Meat: Main Title Theme 1:55 The Voice Of Cheese 0:26 Nine Types Of Industrial Pollution 6:00 Zolar Czakl 0:54 Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague 3:59 The Legend Of The Golden Arches 3:27 Louie Louie (At the Royal Albert Hall in London) (Berry) 2:18 The Dog Breath Variations 1:48 Sleeping In A Jar 0:50 Our Bizarre Relationship 1:05 The Uncle Meat Variations 4:46 Electric Aunt Jemima 1:46 Prelude To King Kong 3:38 God Bless America (Live at the Whisky A Go Go) (Berlin) 1:10 A Pound For A Brown On The Bus 1:29 Ian Underwood Whips It Out (Live on stage in Copenhagen) 5:05 Mr. Green Genes 3:14 Apostolic Studios, NYC October 1967-February 1968 Produced by Frank Zappa Engineer: Richard "Dynamite Dick" Kunc Percussion overdubs at Sunset Sound, LA c. March-April, 1968 Engineered by Jerry Hansen Package designed by Cal Schenkel THE MOTHERS at the time of this recording were: Frank Zappa guitar, low grade vocals, percussion Ray Collins swell vocals Jimmy Carl Black drums, droll humor, poverty Roy Estrada electric bass, chesseburgers, Pachuco falsetto Don (Dom De Wild) Preston electric piano, tarot cards, brown rice Billy (The Oozer) Mundi drums on some pieces before he quit to join RHINOCEROS Bunk (Sweetpants) Gardner piccolo, flute, clarinet,

18. 19. 20. 21. 22.

We Can Shoot You 2:03 "If We'd All Been Living In California . . . " 1:14 The Air 2:57 Project X 4:48 Cruising For Burgers 2:18

disc 2 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

Uncle Meat Film Excerpt Part I 37:34 Tengo Na Minchia Tanta 3:46 Uncle Meat Film Excerpt Part II 3:51 King Kong Itself (as played by the Mothers in a studio) 0:51 King Kong (its magnificence as interpreted by Dom DeWild) 1:19 King Kong (as Motorhead explains it) 1:45 King Kong (the Gardner Varieties) 6:17 King Kong (as played by 3 deranged Good Humor Trucks) 0:33 King Kong (live on a flat bed diesel in the middle of a race track at a Miami Pop Festival . . . the Underwood ramifications) 7:25 bass clarinet, soprano sax, alto sax, tenor sax, bassoon (all of these electric and/or non-electric depending) Ian Underwood electric organ, piano, harpsichord, celeste, flute, clarinet, alto sax, baritone sax, special assistance, copyist, industrial relations & teen appeal Artie (With the Green Mustache) Tripp drums, timpani, vibes, marimba, xylophone, wood blocks, bells, small chimes, cheerful outlook & specific enquiries Euclid James (Motorhead/Motorishi) Sherwood pop star, frenetic tenor sax stylings, tambourine, choreography, obstinance & equipment setter-upper when he's not hustling local groupies Special thanks to: Ruth Komanoff who plays marimba and vibes with Artie on many of the tracks, and Nelcy Walker the soprano voice with Ray & Roy on Dog Breath & The Uncle Meat Variations Uncredited: Pamela Zarubica as Suzy Creamcheese

disc 1 1. Uncle Meat: Main Title Theme Uncle Meat You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 The Yellow Shark

2. The Voice Of Cheese

Fuzzy Dice Bongos in the back My ship of love is Ready to attack Primer mi carucha (Chevy '39) Going to El Monte Legion Stadium Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine) Helps me stealing hub caps Wasted all the time Fuzzy Dice Bongos in the back My ship of love Ready to attack Won't you please hear my plea

Suzy: Hello, teenage America (heh), My name is Suzy Creemcheese, (SNORK) I'm Suzy Creemcheese because I've never worn fake eyelashes in my whole life And I never made it on surfing set And I never made it on beatnik set And I couldn't cut the groupie set either And, um . . . Actually I really fucked up in Europe. (SNORRRRRK) Now that I've done it all over and nobody else will accept me (SNORRRK) I've come home to my Mothers

Fuzzy Dice Bongos in the back My ship of love Ready to attack

3. Nine Types Of Industrial Pollution

6. The Legend Of The Golden Arches

FZ--all instruments?

4. Zolar Czakl

Primer mi carucha (Chevy '39) Got me to El Monte Legion Stadium Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine) Helps me stealing hub caps Wasted all the time

Uncle Meat Ahead Of Their Time Zappa In New York You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 The Yellow Shark includes Uncle Meat

5. Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague

Heh heh heh . . . GrrrRRRNNHH . . .

Uncle Meat Just Another Band From L.A. You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 The Yellow Shark

Suzy: The first thing that attracted me to Mothers music was the fact that they played for twenty minutes and everybody was hissing and booing and falling off the dance floor . . . And Elmer was yelling at them to get off stage and turn down their amplifiers

includes music from the World's Greatest Sinner soundtrack

7. Louie Louie (At the Royal Albert Hall in London) (Richard Berry)

Nelcy Walker--soprano voice AY-YEAH . . . AY-YEAH . . . AY-YEAH . . . AY-YEAH . . . La la la la la wee-ooo (Ay!) La la la la la wee-ooo (Woo-pah!) Bom-bop-bom bom-bom-pa-paw,. Bom-bop-bom bom-bom-pa-paw, etc. La la la la la wee-ooo (Uh-uh-hey!) La la la la la wee-ooo (Yeah-pah-hey!) Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Royal Albert Hall, London September 23, 1967 FZ: Ah! I know the perfect thing to accompany this man's trumpet. None other than . . . The Mighty & Majestic Albert Hall Pipe Organ! Guy In The Audience: Right! FZ: You understand that you won't be able to hear the organ once we turn the amplifiers up . . . Awright, Don? . . . Whip it on 'em! . . . "Louie Louie"! They like it loud too, you know? FZ: Let's hear again for the London Philharmonic Orchestra!

Please, hear my plea! Cucuroo carucha (Chevy '39) Going to El Monte Legion Stadium Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine) Helps me stealing hub caps Wasted all the time

8. The Dog Breath Variations Uncle Meat Just Another Band From L.A. You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 The Yellow Shark

Rundee rundee rundee Dinny wop wop 9. Sleeping In A Jar Ahead Of Their Time Playground Psychotics It's the middle of the night And your mommy & your daddy are sleeping It's the middle of the night And your mommy & your daddy are sleeping SLEEPING MOM & DAD ARE SLEEPING SLEEPING IN A JAR . . . (the jar is under the bed) 10. Our Bizarre Relationship FZ: Bizarre! Suzy: Bizarre . . . ha ha! No-one could ever understand our bizarre relationship because I was your intellectual frigid housekeeper. Especially when you'd be going to bed with one chick at night and I wake up in the morning and find another one there, screaming at me . . . ha ha . . . Asked me what the fuck that chick was doing in your bed and I'd walk in and you weren't with the same one you were in the night before. Oh, I'll never forget that, as long as I live. That house, well it had your shit all over . . . and we had a cat and we had fleas and we had lots of crabs that we proceeded to give to everyone in Laurel Canyon except for Elmer and Phil, because they were too sick to ball . . . ha ha . . . Elmer has a mentality of approximately One Peanut. Possibly. As a matter of fact, I can remember Elmer telling me that you really had a lot of talent, but he didn't see how anyone could ever make it that insisted on saying FUCK on stage. And he used to drive by in his gold Cadillac and peer in the window . . . ha ha . . . 'Cause he never could get over the amount of groupie status that, that you had and he didn't. Possibly because he's 50 years old and wretched . . . FZ: HA HA HA! 11. The Uncle Meat Variations Uncle Meat You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 The Yellow Shark includes Exercise #4 Nelcy Walker--soprano voice Ya ya ya ya ya ahhhahahhhhhhhh Ya ya ya ya ya ahhhahahhhhhhhh Fuzzy dice & bongos FUZZY DICE I got 'em At the Pep Boys . . . at the BOYYYYYYYYS Fuzzy Dice & bongos Brodie knob & spinners Chromium plated Ha Ha Ha 12. Electric Aunt Jemima Ow ow ow ow Rundee rundee rundee Dinny wop wop Ow ow ow ow

Electric Aunt Jemima Goddess of Love Khaki Maple Buckwheats Frizzle on the stove Queen of my heart Please hear my plea Electric Aunt Jemima Cook a bunch for me Tried to find a reason Not to quit my job Beat me till I'm hungry Found a punk to rob Love me Aunt Jemima Love me now & ever more (Love me Aunt Jemima) Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit dit . . . Tried to find a raisin Brownies in the basin Monza by the street light Aunt Jemima all night Holiday & salad days And days of mouldy mayonnaise Caress me (ah!) Caress me (ah!) Caress me Aunt Jemima Caress me (ah!) Caress me Aunt Jemima Caress me (ah!) Caress me Aunt Jemima Caress me (ah!) Caress me Aunt Jemima Caress me (ah!) Caress me Aunt Jemima Mmm, boy, my lips are gettin' heavy I can't tell when you're telling the truth . . . I'm not. How do I know anything you've said to me is . . . You don't. 13. Prelude To King Kong Lumpy Gravy Uncle Meat Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Make A Jazz Noise Here Ayyy! Yee-hah! Dick Kunc: Here's one with your father's moustache, your old cookie jar, rubbers, sneakers, galoshes, belt buckles, and book covers with the name of your high school neatly imprinted in crimson and gold on the front with a picture of the goal post and last year's queen. 14. God Bless America (Live at the Whisky A Go Go) (Irving Berlin) Whisky A Go Go, LA prob. July 23, 1968

God Bless America Land that I love Stand beside her, And guide her, Through the night With the light from Above Yeah! 15. A Pound For A Brown On The Bus Uncle Meat Ahead Of Their Time Zappa In New York You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 The Yellow Shark Dick Kunc: Fade! 16. Ian Underwood Whips It Out (Live on stage in Copenhagen) Sax solo from King Kong Falkoner Theatret, Copenhagen October 1, 1967 Ian: My name is Ian Underwood and I am the straight member of the group (Ha ha ha!) Suzy: Wowie Zowie! Ian: One month ago I heard The Mothers of Invention at the theater. I heard them on two occasions, and on the second occasion I went up to Jim Black and I said, "I like your music, and I'd like to come down and play with you." Two days later I came up to the recording session, and Frank Zappa was sitting in the control room. I walked up and said, "How'd you do, my name is Ian Underwood and I like your music and I'd like to play with your group." Frank Zappa says, "What can you do that's fantastic?" I said, "I can play alto saxophone and piano." He said, "All right, whip it out." 17. Mr. Green Genes Hot Rats The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Eat your greens Don't forget your beans & celery Don't forget to bring Your fake I.D. Eat a bunch of these MAGNIFICENT With sauerkraut MMMMMMMMMMM Sauerkraut Eat a grape, a fig A crumpet too . . . You'll pump 'em right through Doo-wee-ooo Eat your shoes Don't forget the strings And sox Even eat the box Your bought 'em in You can eat the truck That brought 'em in Garbage truck MMMMMMMMMMMMouldy Garbage truck Eat the truck & driver And his gloves NUTRITIOUSNESS DELICIOUSNESS WORTHLESSNESS

18. We Can Shoot You Ian: Dee . . . dee BAH dam . . . eeeeh-dam pa-pa-pa-pa-pam . . . teepa pa-pa-pa-pa-pam! And just wail out the last one. Bunk: Mmm, let's [stack] here, then. Ian: Yeah. Bunk: Three, four . . . 19. "If We'd All Been Living in California . . . " FZ: Ok? Now if you still want to get your name in magazines he wants five hundred dollars a month! JCB: Where does it come from? We worked one gig this month. And now, so, what do we get, two hundred dollars for this gig up here, if we're lucky. If we're lucky, we'll get two hundred. And it'll be two weeks before we get it. Probably. I mean a- . . . after all, uh . . . what is all this shit in the, uh, in the newspaper? We sh-, if we got such a big name, how come, uh . . . we're. . . FZ: That shit in the news . . . JCB: We're starving, man! This fucking band is starving! And we've been starving for three years. I realize it takes a long time, but God damn does it take another five, ten years from now? FZ: There's some months when you're not gonna work as much as other months. There's some months when you're gonna make a lot of money, and if you average it out, you do make more than two hundred dollars a month. JCB: Expenses are sure high, too. If we'd all been living in California, it would've been different. FZ: If we'd all been living in California, we wouldn't work at all! JCB: Ah that's -- true . . . Well, we're not working n-now anyway! We worked one gig this month, Frank! What's wrong with getting two months in a row of this good money? Or three months in a row? Then we can afford to take three or four months off and everybody can . . . After the first month I can get just enough ahead, but if I had two more months, man, I'll get ahead. 'Cause I'm not living very extravagantly, I'll tell you for sure . . . 20. The Air The air Escaping from your mouth The hair Escaping from your nose My heart Escaping from the scraping And the shaping Of the draping . . . I'm awaking In a T-shirt In a Chevy At the beach And I'm freezing And I'm wheezing And I know You were only teasing I hit you Then I beat you Then I told you That I love you In my car In a jar In my car In a jar The air Escaping from your pits The hair Escaping from my teeth My hands Are gripping But they're slipping And they're dripping 'Cause I'm tripping I got busted

(Wasted) Coming through customs (I'm so wasted) With a suitcase (Wasted) Full of tapes (I'm so wasted) It was special Tape recording And they grabbed me While I was boarding Yes, they grabbed me Then they beat me Then they told me They don't like me And I crashed In my Nash We can crash In my Nash We can crash In my Nash We can crash In my Nash We can crash In my Nash 21. Project X

Massimo Bassoli Francesca Fisher Stumuk playing themselves: Haskell Wexler The guy from Alabama Motorhead Sherwood Miss Lucy Janet Neville-Ferguson Linda Ronstadt Rodney Bingenheimer Translation 0:00 FZ: We're shooting the uh, title sequence for Uncle Meat right now, which is the name of the Mothers of Invention movie that we've been working on for about three years . . . without too much success. Don: Boy, we really need a hit single . . . Just think, I mean, the way the world's going today . . . with all the problems in it . . . I think I can actually change the world, because it's the young people that really need to be changed, and, and you can really do that through music and everything . . . This was our last hit single . . . it was really a bummer, they wouldn't even play it on the radio . . . Oh, well, gotta come up with something better than that . . . 1:34

22. Cruising For Burgers Playground Psychotics Zappa In New York Make A Jazz Noise Here I must be free My fake I.D. Freeeeeees me Gotta do a few things To make my life complete I gotta live my life Out on the street The difference between us Is not very far Cruising for burgers In daddy's new car My phony freedom card Brings to me Instantly ECSTASY disc 2

Don: Good evening, this is Biff Debris. Phyllis: You know . . . it's too much, I know. Don: Coming to you from the motel. Phyllis: Look at that monster. Don: Where . . . FZ: Ha ha ha ha! Phyllis: What are they laughing about? He looks so beautiful when they laugh . . . Don: That's what my psychiatrist used to say . . . Phyllis: Twelve years. It's the same story there with that song, I don't know what I'm doing, but look, look at the way he's changing . . . Oh, I remember that in the shower, the first time with the hamburger. Oh, that was good . . . But, I don't know, twelve years marriage, you get tired of the same thing. But I don't know, I can try it again sometime. Oh, look there's Minnesota! He was a great guy, Minnesota Tishman . . . Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era Phyllis: He was a nice guy . . . Don: Don't you feel it coming? Phyllis: He was, he was okay in this time. He's washed up now, I heard about it though. 2:20

1. Uncle Meat Film Excerpt Part I includes The Uncle Meat Variations and some unidentified Synclavier music Filmed in Hollywood, California 1970 and 1982 starring: Phyllis Smith (a.k.a. Phyllis Altenhaus) Don Preston Frank Zappa cast (in order of appearance): Carl Zappa Aynsley Dunbar Ray Collins Meredith Monk

Ray: What is it you're doing, Mr. Tishman? Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it Aynsley: . . . pool? Phyllis: You know what I used to do? I used to watch him eat, and while he was eating I would ask him what he's doing. Haskell Wexler: What the hell are we doing in this bathroom? FZ: I'm going to . . . While you stand there and take pictures of that, I'm gonna tell you the, the plot of the movie. Alright. Basically what we're going to do, today, is spend some time around the house while you meet the people that you're going to be photographing for the rest of the week . . . and we discuss some of the absurdities . . . Haskell Wexler: Absurdities? FZ: Yes, we're just dealing with the . . . the absurdities of making the movie in the first place and especially about the Mothers of Invention ... 3:20

Guy From Alabama: You wanna have a circle-jerk? Aynsley: The who? Guy From Alabama: Circle-jerk. Aynsley: A circle jerk? What's that? Guy From Alabama: That's where you get everybody around and bet yer meat and see who can get it the fastest. Aynsley: Yeah? Guy From Alabama: Yeah, and whoever wins gets nineteen kegs Aynsley: Nineteen who? Guy From Alabama: Kegs, you know . . . Aynsley: Cakes of what? Meredith: Gee Jimmy, that's cool! Aynsley: Cakes. Cheers. Yeah, anyway. FZ: What could that possibly mean . . . hmmm, I wonder what happens if you go like this . . .

Guy From Alabama: I'm up to my knees in shit, man. Aynsley: Really. Guy From Alabama: There's all kind of shit, now about . . . all smokin' shit . . . 5:00 Massimo: And now, we are going to translate: "This is my left hand." Repeat after me: "Questa e' la mia mano sinistra." And now: "This is my right hand." Repeat after me: "Questa e' la mia mano destra." Ray: What is it you're doing? Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it. Have you ever used a chicken to measure it? Meredith: Gee Jimmy, that's cool! Guy From Alabama: I fucked a chicken . . .

3:42 5:25 Ray: What is it that you're doing with this? Carl: I'm using the . . . FZ: You know what I used to do? I used to watch him eat. And while he was eating, I would talk to him while he was eating, and I would ask him what he's doing. And he would say, "I'm using the chicken to measure it." Phyllis: Ok . . . Don: Can I borrow your comb? Phyllis: You know what I used to do? Ray: What are you doing with that? Phyllis: I used to watch him eat. Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it. Phyllis: You know, you know what I used to do? I used to watch him eat. And while he was eating, I would ask him, "What are you doing?" FZ: Do it again. Ray: Why is he using a chicken to measure it? Phyllis: And he would say, "I'm using the chicken to measure it." What did he mean by that? Ray: . . . he's using the chicken to measure it Phyllis: Till this day I don't know what he's talking about . . . FZ: Do it again. Phyllis: That Tishman. That Minnesota Tishman . . . What a guy . . . 4:22 Guy From Alabama: Eight inches or less? Aynsley: Uh . . . eight inches. Guy From Alabama: Eight inches? Well, I'll get your kind of women, there, man. Aynsley: You can? Yes, it's cool . . . Guy From Alabama: Oh, they got some whores there you wouldn't believe! Meredith: Gee Jimmy, that's cool! Guy From Alabama: You can just . . . fall right in. Aynsley: But do they play pool? 4:32 Phyllis: What a guy, what a sense of humour . . . The way he used to . . . let me get back to that. FZ: Look at the way he hands that chicken . . . Aynsley: Do you want another ball? FZ: He had a way with that chicken . . . Phyllis: He . . . look at the way he handles that chicken, he had a way . . . look at the way he holds it, and fondles it, and he put it right near his privates . . . Aynsley: But that's cool, still Guy From Alabama: That's cool, yeah. Aynsley: That's cool, yeah, I sort of followed the . . . Guy From Alabama: I'm using the chicken to measure it, though Aynsley: You were? Guy From Alabama: Yeah. Aynsley: Yeah, where's the shit . . . or the white dove?

Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era wherein the development of the inner self is the most important thing. We have to train ourselves. So that we can improvise on anything: a bird, a sock, a fuming beaker. This is, this too can be music. Anything can be music. FZ: Hello? Yeah, are you busy? Well I was wondering --this is Frank-- can you come, yeah, can you come over here and be in our uh, teen-age movie? Okay, well, I'll tell you what the action is . . . Phyllis: He's eating. FZ: Ok, he's eating, you see . . . Don Preston . . . Well, it depends, mostly it's a hamburger, sometimes, well he doesn't wanna eat the hamburger, 'cause he's a vegetarian . . . Okay now, Phyllis is here . . . Phyllis . . . Phyllis: Who's Phyllis? FZ: No, no, no, Phyllis is the girl that's the, my assistant editor on the, on the film . . . Yeah, she used to be Tom Wilson's secretary . . . Ok . . . You remember Tom Wilson were gonna run for President? 6:51 Aynsley: You're Tom Wilson? Carl: Yeah. Aynsley: Yeah? Carl: Then she came out here work on the Woodstock festival. Ray: What are you doing with that chicken? Carl: And then uh, then . . . Ray: I was measuring the ball. Carl: Then Frank hired her to work on the Mothers movie. 7:00 Phyllis: Hi, I'm Phyllis Altenhaus, and I'm working with Frank Zappa on his film Uncle Meat, in Hollywood. I'm a little nervous doing this 'cause it's the first time I'd even been a star in a film. I originally started working for Frank as his assistant editor on the film Uncle Meat, and one day we were sitting around watching the Festival Hall shots, the rushes, and I saw Don come on the screen -Don Preston plays the monster-- and I said, "Frank, look at Don! He's turning into a monster! I'm gonna vomit!" FZ: When she sees him turning into a monster she has to vomit. Phyllis: Frank said, "That's it, that's the opening of the line, that, that, I mean, that's the opening of the picture." I said, "Frank, I can't be in your picture, first of all, I have such a bad Brooklyn accent, I'm embarrased by the whole thing!" And he said, "Don't worry, you'll do it." So, you know, with Frank, he has a certain way about him, I mean he just gets people to do these things. Don: He just makes me sick when he changes into a monster. Phyllis: Why? Why does he make you sick? Don: Oh, can't you see it how, how . . . ugly it is that, being that monster? Oh, just, I can't stand it, I, I think I'm gonna be sick, I have to vomit.

FZ: She just, she tells me she has to vomit, see. She's trying to make me believe that it makes her sick when he turns into a monster. Phyllis: There's something about that that gets me so nauseous, I don't know what it is. Look at that, look at that. FZ: Yeah, but it's not true. Well, you see, it gets her hot. Phyllis: There's something so sexy about him. When he comes on that stage, I get so hot just looking at him drinking that, that smoke stuff, I don't know what it is. I don't even care if he turns into a monster, I love it . . . Don: Oh dear! Phyllis: Look at that, oh him with the cape, but he doesn't, he walks away. It's such a hot move and he, he's so terrific when he goes back to that gong, oh, that's so nice . . . Boy, I hope no one ever finds out I love it so much, that hot monster . . . oh, ooh . . . Don: You're really good at those dials, baby. You're the most manipulating person I've ever seen. Phyllis: I don't like to be called manipulating, that's for sure, but I like to think of myself as being hot. FZ: She gets hot. And then she runs into the toilet, and she stands in front of the mirror and she makes faces to herself so she can turn into a monster. Isn't it cute? That's right, then, when she does that, and she's having a fantasy that she's turning into a monster, the monster comes out of the toilet from behind her. 9:30 Phyllis: Oh . . . a little lower, please. Don: How do you work all those controls in there? That's really fantastic . . . Phyllis: Oh, it's nothing. Don: All of those buttons and switches . . . Phyllis: It's nothing. Look, look what's going on there! Oh . . . oh, wow, this . . . Don: I just can't see how a girl could do all that. Phyllis: Oh, now with the, the Women's Liberation Front we can do anything, you're kidding? Oh . . . oh! It's so good! Don: This girl obviously has some sort of demented problem in where she, she likes uh, monsters that drink foamy vile liquid and uh transform. It must be some uh, connection in her past, in her childhood of something. Maybe her father didn't demonstrate enough uh, affection for her. It's a . . . Phyllis: Oh . . . it's been so long . . . Don: Tell me, did your father demonstrate any affection for you? Phyllis: I've been watching you on the screen for four weeks . . . Finally, my monster . . . Is it real? Is it really you? Oh that feels, oh, monster, can I have a bite off of your apple? Don: Mm . . . I think that uh . . . Phyllis: It's so nice to be here with a monster finally . . . Don: It must be uh, her mother and father probably told her that she's real ugly and awkward and dumb and everything . . . Phyllis: It's a good apple, monster. Don: And so she relates to people that are ugly, dumb and awkward. Phyllis: Let me take off your hat so I can really see what's happening underneath there. Just what I thought, a monster head. Don: You'll find this is quite common in uh, today's society Phyllis: It's like Adam and Eve and the apple . . . Finally, here's my monster . . . after all this time . . . Don: That's why monster movies are so popular, you know? Phyllis: I'd waited and waited . . . Don: D'you know how many a monster movie costs to make? Phyllis: And there he is, he's right here. Don: Monster movies really cost a lot of money. Phyllis: Sitting with me, I can't believe it! Is it really you, monster? Don: And our young society today goes to all these monster movies and they see them on television night after night. Phyllis: It's so terrific to be with the monster. Don: We're raising a new generation of monster lovers. Phyllis: I've been waiting so long for the monster . . . Maybe this'll be the real thing. 12:20 Don: He's changing into a monster! You should see this! God, I get so hot!

Aynsley: Would you like a quick vibrator? Now you've ruined the whole thing Carl: Have I? I'll take one down! Aynsley: Oh, cheers . . . Carl: I thought you get the walking four balls. Aynsley: No no . . . Carl: It's difficult to walk on three. Don: I'm using the chicken to measure it. Carl: Don? Don: I'm using the chicken to measure it. Aynsley: Charles. Phyllis: Aynsley Dunbar, who's playing with Frank now, this real English popstar, very attractive guy, and he's like into a whole groupie thing with whips and things, don't ask me, and Frank got this great idea, actually he gets this great idea for me, to have Aynsley in the Hollywood Ranch Market, which we just did last night, hit him with toilet brushes. It's, it's a little dumb but I went along with it, you know, what else are you gonna do? You're getting paid and uh, you do these things. 13:19 Phyllis: Cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser ... Aynsley: Hello, there! Phyllis: Cleanser . . . cleanser . . . Aynsley: Say, could you do me a favour? Could you beat me with a toilet brush? Phyllis: Beat you with a toilet brush? Aynsley: Shhh . . . someone might hear . . . yes, beat me with a toilet brush. Phyllis: What's your name? Aynsley: Ah, hello, my name is Aynsley Dunbar and I, I'm very interested in whips and canes, etc. I'm gonna fill, fill you in about uh, my background. FZ: Are you absolutely serious about this? You really like whips and canes? Aynsley: Oh yeah, yeah. FZ: And you like--? Aynsley: I didn't have too much chance to use 'em here, as yet, because it's, you know the screams and that, would most likely wake the kids up! No, actually I'm moving on though to toilet brushes and things, 'cause I think they'll be coming in this year . . . definitely. Phyllis: You want me to beat you with the toilet brush? Aynsley: Yes. Phyllis: I mean like uh, I'm ready! 14:37 Phyllis: You know, I'll tell you something, I find myself saying, "I'm ready," you know, and like, I slap my face when I'm saying, "I'm ready," because it's like uh, in the house I'm saying, "I'm ready," you know? And . . . there has to be a limit. Phyllis: That's a whip, I guessed right, you know I saw this handle sticking up here and I like, I, I guessed it right on first, you know? Like I know . . . FZ: Beat him while you're talking. Phyllis: You know like . . . I tell you something. I hope it's not getting your kidney or anything like that. Aynsley: Oh look, keep, keep, just keep it high, just keep it high. Phyllis: You know what I mean? I got worried about those things, I got . . . you know I'm humane, Aquarius and all this . . . Aynsley: That's great . . . that's. . . Phyllis: Venus is arising, you know, I'm humane. Aynsley: Just keep it high. Oh, love it, yeah, right. Phyllis: Uhm . . . well, let's see . . . FZ: Ask him, "Does it get you hot?" Phyllis: Is it getting you hot? Aynsley: Oh, maybe it would do if I had another 'bout fifteen people. 15:20

Don: I know what gets you hot. Hamburgers get you hot, 'cause I picked you up in the pool hall! Phyllis: You don't know what gets me hot, you don't have the faintest idea what gets me hot! Don: Sure! Hamburgers! Look at this . . . Phyllis: I can't take it . . . Don: See that? Phyllis: I can't take it . . . oh, God, that hamburger! Don: But you don't know what gets me hot. Phyllis: I'd bet I know what gets you hot. Sticks, sticks on your body on a table get you hot. Don: I'm getting hot! . . . When I was drinking the potion . . . and that hat and that cape and everything . . . just incredible . . . I'd . . . wonder what it's like to, to change into a monster . . . it must be really great. Phyllis: It's just so wonderful. Give me a bite of the apple there . . . Mmm, oh, my monster! Oh, that's so terr-- Oh! I love that, when a monster does that, mm . . . Well, I've just been thinking, monster, we can take rides in the country in the Volkswagen . . . and, my monster, you're feeling me up, my monster. FZ: It does get you hot. Phyllis: Well . . . it doesn't get me hot. FZ: I saw you laying on the floor in the corner with him! Phyllis: I, it wasn't me laying in the corner! That was, that wasn't me! FZ: Ha ha . . . Who was it? Phyllis: That was Sheba! It wasn't me! FZ: Who is Sheba? Ha ha! Phyllis: Sheba is the one that's in love with Don. 17:09 Don: And why, why do you like monsters? Phyllis: It's, it's not their looks, it's the intellectual thing that comes across, you know, you could tell that, I, looks aren't important to me, it's something about the intelligence. When you mix that potion, you know when I've seen you mix that potion, I don't know, it's the intellectual way I get hot. Don: Yeah, but what causes this? Phyllis: You know what I mean? Don: I mean, well . . . Phyllis: It's, it's hotness. 17:39 Phyllis: It used to be very, it was really nice and quiet in this place, that's why I came here, because of the feeling like, like a place to get away from things, and now what's going on, it's like all noise and . . . I don't know, it doesn't . . . wherever you go nowadays it's the same thing, all these guys they're so disgusting, I can't stand it . . . Don: Look, anybody . . . anybody sitting here? Phyllis: No! Go right ahead, sit down! Don: Thanks. Anybody drinking this beer in here? Phyllis: No, I don't know what the bartender . . . he just left it there, I don't know what's going on . . . Don: My name is Biff Debris. Phyllis: Oh, hi! Sheba Flieschman. Don: How d'you do? Phyllis: So and uh, your name is Biff Debris. Don: Yeah. Phyllis: You know, funny thing, if we got married my name would be Sheba DeBiff. Don: My name is Biff Debris, not Debris DeBiff. Phyllis: Debris? Don: Yeah. Phyllis: Biff Debris . . . well, I'll tell you something, I once knew someone whose name was Dubois. It, it sort of sounds like Debris, you know what I mean? Like, is that French, or what? Don: Well, actually I'm part Mohawk and part Norwegian. Phyllis: Excuse me. Is the hamburger ready yet? Don: What sign are you? Phyllis: Uh, I'm Aquarius with Venus rising on my past. Don: Really? Phyllis: Yeah. It's really good sign because it's the Aquarian age now, you know? And like, it's all coming together. You know what I

mean by coming together? Don: Yeah. Phyllis: I think since I came from New York, you know, I'm really ... Don: Are you from New York? Phyllis: Yeah, you can't tell! Huh? Don: No . . . Phyllis: I tell you something, so it really means that I'm losing my accent, you know, because the other day I was talking to someone and they couldn't guess either, well, I asked them, I said to them, "Where do you think I'm from?" And you know they said, they said, "New Jersey," you know, so, and New Jersey accent is really completely different, you know? Like, it depends so, if you come from Patterson, it's different from Trenton and Orange County, but you know, I say "Orange" like this, "Orange," 'cause that's in California they say, "Orange," you know? Don: What's the, what's the matter with uh, Debris? Phyllis: That's one thing I stayed away from. Don: Alright, you're free . . . Phyllis: I think that you can really be high on your own intellectual stratification. Don: Hamburgers. Phyllis: Don't say hamburgers, it gets me so hot . . . Don: But you don't know what gets me hot, you see . . . Phyllis: I know what gets you hot! Don: No, no . . . Phyllis: I saw it in the pool hall Don: You saw that? Phyllis: Yeah! Don: That isn't what does it, you see. It really isn't. Phyllis: Well, well, what is it? You know, like if it's not that, then what is it? Don: Well . . . Phyllis: Well, don't be embarrassed! You can tell me, you know? Like I'm . . . Don: Showers. Phyllis: Showers? Don: Showers. Phyllis: Well, okay, you know, I can go see that, I can see, I can understand showers. Don: Not, not nude showers. Phyllis: What you mean not nude showers? Don: It's gotta be a special shower, you know. Phyllis: What kind of shower? Don: With these special clothes on it. Phyllis: You mean, you wear clothes when you . . . ? Don: These clothes! These are the clothes . . . Phyllis: These are the clothes that you . . . ? Don: Right here . . . Phyllis: There are clothes in there for me for the shower? 20:47 Phyllis: Say he devised this plan, this is how this clothes and the shower thing all came by, because I was too embarrassed to stand in the shower. First roll, you know, I'm not gonna be standing naked but, the whole thing's taking out, so I figured, "Okay, I'll wear dungarees and a shirt." And, and anyway to tell you the truth I think it's sexier because, you see like just a little outline . . . tiny little bit, you know, like, poinnnng! Phyllis: I don't understand it, but it's like . . . Don: I mean . . . Phyllis: It's your trip, man! You know? Like, it's alright with me, you know? I don't care. Don: And this children's belt with the little holes in it. Look at those pants! Phyllis: Ooh, but what has this . . . do with the holes! I mean, you know, like I hope they fit up. Don: It'll be good . . . Phyllis: You know, like, okay, I'll try, I don't care, I'll try anything! 21:26

FZ: Hi, Phyllis, why don't you want to take your clothes off with the monster? Phyllis: Because I'm embarrassed to. FZ: What's there to be embarrassed about? Phyllis: Well, I've never done that before, and I don't wanna do it now! FZ: But why don't you wanna do it? Phyllis: I'd rather not. There's no reason, I'd just rather not. FZ: But what's the matter? You got an ugly body? Phyllis: No, I have a great body. I just don't wanna do it. FZ: But why don't you wanna do it if you've got a great body? Don't you wanna share it with the world? Phyllis: No, I don't wanna share it with the world. Phyllis: So I did it, and it was, I tell you, I was getting hot, see my shirt? Phyllis: I'm ready! I got the shirt, I got the pants, and I got the belt with that little yellow holes, you know? And I'm hot! Don: And I got the bun and the hamburger and the relish and the orange and I've got my clothes off and I'm hot! Phyllis: Oh, come on! Don: You know how many times we . . . ? I go down to Mr. Pocket three times a week, trying to find somebody that'll wear these clothes in the shower. Phyllis: How do they look on me? Don: Oh . . . Phyllis: You like it? Don: They're great, you know. I had those clothes in the refrigerator for about two months now. Phyllis: Where is the hamburger? Just give me a bite, mmh . . . it's so great, you don't meet guys . . . Don: Oh, it's disgusting . . . Phyllis: You don't meet guys who get you off with hamburgers, I'm saying I'm really happy that mmmm . . . Don: Oh, the two of us really make a great couple! Phyllis: I know, me with my clean clothes and the hamburger and everything like that, well, you know, we can go places. Don: Yeah. Phyllis: You want me to wash your hair? While you, just hold the hamburger first, you know, while I wash your hair . . . Don: Do you want me to wash it to you? Phyllis: Well, I don't know, I wasn't planning on it, it's alright, you can wash my back . . . mm, so nice the shower . . . Don: I can't bear it. Phyllis: Especially, especially, especially if you . . . Don: Some people are really weird. Phyllis: Pull it on my back, just a little bit, it won't, it won't hurt, just a little bit over there, this side, it's terrific, with the hamburger. 23:21 Phyllis: Hamburger meat . . . Hhhh . . . Oh . . . FZ: Wouldn't that be better if you had your clothes off then you can uh, enforce him on your arms? Phyllis: No, I . . . don't need my clothes off, I can get the gratification that I want just like this. Phyllis: Oh, doesn't that feel good, oh, it's so great. I'm so glad that I met you today . . . Don: Mmmm . . . Phyllis: And this hamburger . . . Don: Do you mind if I rub some of this in your hair? Phyllis: Oh I don't mind, let me just take out that little thing here, mmm . . . Don: Oh, boy . . . Phyllis: A little bit, wait, it's, but I don't know, do you have cream rinse here? . . . this strip I won't be able to . . . Don: Cream rinse? Phyllis: Yeah . . . 'cause I . . . Don: Eugh! Phyllis: I won't be, let me see how it feels with the soap. FZ: Whi-whi-which parts get you the hottest that can be rushed with the hamburger?

Phyllis: Well I think uh . . . what part! Don: Oh, I love this with hamburgers under the clothes. 24:12 Don: You're getting hot, come on. Phyllis: Oh, am I hot, over this hamburger! Oh, I think of my uh . . . Don: For a hundred dollars you're getting hot. Phyllis: Oh, am I hot! I'm so hot! Hhh . . . I'm so hot from this hamburger, oh . . . FZ: Get hot! Phyllis: I'm so hot! FZ: Under, under . . . Ha ha ha ha! Don: Undulate. FZ: Look! Don: You . . . it's getting better. Phyllis: Where's the hamburger? Just . . . those . . . FZ: Hamburgers with soap are good. Phyllis: Ha-a . . . let me take a little bite, mmm . . . delicious! Let me put it in here so I don't loose it. I don't wanna in case I wanna little piece after, could you do my back? Don: Oh yeah . . . Phyllis: Underneath the shirt, don't be bashful, I, oh, I know it makes you hot, like if you keep . . . Don: Yeah, I like the shirt better. I'll wash the shirt. Phyllis: Oh, let me take a little bit of the hamburger FZ: Ha ha! Phyllis: You know, the last guy that I was with he just had Ground Choc, you know what Ground Choc tastes like in the shower, man . . . FZ: Ha ha ha ha! Don: Oh . . . Phyllis: This is odd meat, where did you get this? FZ: Ha ha ha! Phyllis: Just like the health food stuff, are you a health food person? You know, like . . . Don: No, I am Uncle Meat! Phyllis: You are Uncle Meat? 25:24 Phyllis: And because you're the main man with the burgers . . . FZ: "And the burger's my trip." Phyllis: And the burger's my trip and is such a groove, I wanna show my appreciation and I wanna clean your bathroom . . . the cleanser . . . FZ: "I am going to the Hollywood Ranch . . . " Phyllis: I'm going to the Hollywood Ranch Market and I'm gonna buy the cleanser. Don: And because you have worn the clothes . . . Phyllis: Cleanser . . . Don: That got me hot, the shirt . . . Phyllis: Cleanser . . . Don: The pants and the little brown belt, children's belt with the holes in it . . . Phyllis: Cleanser . . . Don: I will . . . Phyllis: Cleanser . . . Don: Accept your offer to go to the Hollywood Ranch Market . . . Phyllis: Cleanser . . . Don: And get the cleanser and clean my bathroom. 26:06 Janet: He's from that group Cleanser. He looks pretty kinky. Too bad we didn't have our garters on. Janet & Lucy: EEEEEEEUH! Janet: Oh, what do you expect from work in this joint. Lucy: Ooh Janet, he has a vibrator! Now, ooh . . . Eeeuhh! Ha ha ha! Ah . . . ah . . . aaaaaaAAAAH! Ooh wha . . . ooh! Hhh . . . aaahhh ...

26:44 Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era at the motel, where we have been working secretly on a new composition in the back room, in our secret chambers. 'Cause everything is secret. We're trying to get the secret karma change for the whole world, you see, like this whole karma thing, it's really what's causing all the problems, so we have to get a composition and, I'm sure that it's going to be a hit single, because everyone is going out and buying our new hit single, for this group that uh . . . FZ: "You remember our other single 'The Bun'?" Don: Yeah, you remember our other single, "The Bun"? See, this, this was our last composition . . . Aynsley: Plugging it in . . . Don: And uh, it was pretty hard to play because uh, some of the members of the group couldn't read music, you see? But we got it all straightened out and, some of them quit and everything but . . . Aynsley?: A few holes in the Brothers . . . Don: Uh, with our new arrangement we really hope to do big things, you know? Like we hope to change every single person's karma and that in turn will change and upgrade all the ecology problems, all the polution and all the air and everything, you know? And this right here is the composition I was speaking of and uh, this is the guitar part, this is the vocal, this is the bass part, and this little section over here could be for the dancer, but she keeps quitting all the time so we don't really know uh, if she's gonna be in it which she is now or just take it out like that. Now, it's very difficult to compose this type of thing, because like, the slightest movement that you can make of one single article could define whether it's underground or real commercial, see? If we put the sock over here it's more commercial than if it were over here, then it's real underground, you understand? So we take you now to the motel, where the group is deep in . . . just deep. 28:56 Motorhead: . . . straightest member is the writer, you know what I ... Don: Hey, listen you guys, I would like just . . . Meredith: These guys can work together. Don: Talk about the arrangement here Aynsley: How about that new drum solo you just worked out? Don: I've got a new composition. Meredith: It's rhythmic, huh? Motorhead: Now that's beautiful. Don: Listen . . . Silence, fools! . . . SILENCE, FOOLS! Don't you believe in progress? Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it. FZ?: Take that progress and stick it under a rock! Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it. FZ: What are you doing with the chicken? Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it. FZ: What are you doing with the chicken? Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it. Motorhead: Outta site! That's outta site! Meredith: That's beautiful! FZ: What are you doing with the chicken? Carl: I'm using . . . Don: That's what we need for our new song. Meredith: That was a good composition! Motorhead: We got it! Aynsley: Can you write one like that then? Don: I did! Well . . . Ray?: You would? I mean . . . Don: At last night, that's . . . Ray: That's when he starts in with the guitar . . . ? Don: Now look . . . Ray: Then he comes in with his guitar solo? Don: You guys, do you see this over here? Ray: Why does he have this? Don: Can you see this over here? This is the new composition that we're going to make a hit single with.

Aynsley: What's it called, "Junk Shuffle"? Don: No . . . Ray: "Junkyard." Aynsley: What's it called? Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it. FZ: It's called "We're using the chicken to measure it." Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it. Don: Right, "We're using the chicken to measure it." Well, I couldn't get a chicken, I, all I got was . . . Motorhead: That would be the title. Ray's got a chicken. Aynsley: Yeah! Motorhead: You can use Ray's chicken to measure it. Don: But uh . . . FZ: No, no, that's part of the concept, you're using the chicken to measure the pitch in? Aynsley: It's what I choose. Don: Oh, I see, yeah, are we using the chicken to measure it? Motorhead: Or drumming? Don: I'll show you, this is . . . Ray: How about a sock? Motorhead: I thought it was cooler. Don: This is the guitar part, right here. Motorhead: Then let me see . . . Aynsley: Pull her. Motorhead: It's that what I play? That's my part. Don: That's your part. Motorhead: Oh, that A . . . Don: And this is a new concept. Motorhead: I can't learn that by tomorrow, man, there's no way. Don: Tonight. Motorhead: I can't learn it tonight! Don: Listen, I got the time booked. Motorhead: I can't even . . . Aynsley: Tonight? OW! Don: At the Hollywodd Ranch Market tonight, man! Meredith: That's pretty heavy, man. Aynsley: But tonight?! Meredith: That's pretty heavy . . . Motorhead: My strings are flat, my pickups are shot, do Herbie wouldn't give us an advance so I can buy some new strings and an amp? Don: Listen, I'll take care of everything. 30:52 Don: You see, Countess, the problem is uh, it's very hard to talk about but, the guys need equipment, you know like he needs batteries and uh, and, and uh, needs strings for his guitar, you know? And, and some of the electronic equipment needs boosting and uh, we have a good prog and everything, you know? I just wanted to find out if we could get any awr . . . nng . . . gnn . . . Do you have a pencil and a paper? Uh huh . . . thanks . . . Francesca: Royalties? Don: GNG! MMnnnngrgGGL! Sorry, would you mind not using that word? It's a . . . Francesca: Who cares about royalties? Don: Grrah! Francesca: Look, I've seen everybody around, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Arthur Brown, and his fire and his head . . . Oh, man, I've never got so hot as long, I've ever got so hot until I started to, to use the chicken head to measure it with it. 32:25 Guy From Alabama: We must say it in Alabama language, man, I can't understand. Another "Guy From Alabama": Playing that kind of music and eating meat, you'll never . . . Aynsley: I say . . . I say . . . Guy From Alabama: (unintelligible shouting) Aynsley: I say, old boy, you speak english? Guy From Alabama: Hey man, you got any peas or beans or anything like that?

32:38 Don: You have to admit this is different. Motorhead: Oh I hate . . . that's a drum, that's gotta be a drum. Don: I mean . . . I know what it's like, to me the idea of being commercial is doing something different. Meredith: Bet that one's a heavy one . . . Carl: The way they feed . . . Don: You know? Something people can . . . can . . . Carl: WAH! Don: It's not the same old thing. Aynsley: Hey, but that, that isn't a . . . Meredith: Have to practise . . . Aynsley: No! Carl: WAH! Don: NO! Motorhead: Look out! Ray: Oh . . . Don: That's it, Ray . . . Motorhead: Chicken's in the . . . Don: Now, use the chicken to measure it. Motorhead: Chicken's in the . . . Aynsley: Biff, man, how does that fit into the part, though . . . heavy like that . . . Meredith: And what is after into that my part there? Don: This is the music. Meredith: Where? where? Don: This, the whole thing is the music. Meredith: Ah, but how does that one fit into all . . . Aynsley: But there's no head, man. Meredith: But how does that fit into all that? Aynsley: Oh yeah, there's . . . Ray: Are you using a chicken to measure it? Meredith: What's the concept of this? Motorhead: There's no way we can play it. Meredith: What's the concept of this number? Don: Look, look . . . Motorhead: Not by tonight, man! It can't be done. Aynsley: Let me . . . anyway, man, I'm going out tonight, you know, I've got a few chicks to meet. Motorhead: I'm going to hear the Fudge. Don: You guys, if you wanna make a hit single and I mean, a hit single. Aynsley: Yeah, but all I'm saying is as long as you pay us well, I just don't wanna know. Don: Well, you'll get royalties. Motorhead: You gotta get some royalties, man! Aynsley: Royalties? Don: Listen, you can't . . . Ray: A monster! Phyllis: I'm wet . . . hamburger . . . Meredith: This is turning too confusing, I just can't understand what all this is about, it's so confusing! Phyllis: My monster! Don: WARrrGH! Phyllis: My monster! I'm ready! I got the pants, I got the shirt, I got the belt with the little yellow holes! 33:46 Phyllis: I can't get enough of that stuff, mmm! FZ: "We're coming to the beginning of a new era, at the motel." Phyllis: Look at this over there, look . . . mmm mm . . . Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era at the motel, we have been working secretly . . . Phyllis: Obviusly still, still the best. Don: . . .on a new composition in the back room . . . Phyllis: I love when he always did that . . . Don: . . . in our secret chambers. Phyllis: Then changed into . . . I remember that . . . Don: 'Cause everything is secret. Phyllis: For twelve years he's still working on the same song, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Don: We're trying to get the secret karma change for the whole world.

Phyllis: Still kinda get that "The Bun" thing. I gotta stop this, it's not good anymore. Don: You see, like this whole karma thing, it's really what's causing all the problems. Phyllis: Because after all we've got kids now. Don: So we have to get a composition. Phyllis: And we can't, he can't do this anymore, it's another whole life. Don: And, I'm sure that it's going to be a hit single. Phyllis: But, I can't help it, I mean he's irresistible. The guy is irresistible. Don: Because everyone is going out and buying our new hit single, for this group that uh . . . Phyllis: Look at that face, over there . . . FZ: "You remember our other single 'The Bun'?" Don: Yeah, you rem-Phyllis: Look at that, right that, right there . . . mmm . . . Don: Our other single, "The Bun"? See, this, this was our last composition . . . Phyllis: Oh, God! Oh, I remember that too . . . yeah . . . Don: And uh, it was pretty hard to play because uh . . . Phyllis: Look at this, when he did that at the fare . . . Don: Some of the members of the group couldn't read music, you see? Phyllis: No . . . it's better, I'll tell you something . . . Don: But we got it all straightened out. Phyllis: I don't know, I have to think about this, 'cause I gotta tell him. Ah! I'll go back! I can't be bother 'cause my mind it's too, it's too crazy, it's going, it's driving me nuts already, I have to think about work, I have to think about him, I have to think about . . . Stumuk: Maybe I oughta face it, after twelve years "The Bun" just isn't a hit. Maybe I'm approaching it wrong. Look at him, a musician, a natural musician. This Motorcity was a serious little boy. Liked to pull down the shades before helping her with the dishes. Massimo: And that's why it didn't sell. Look at this . . . Phyllis: Oh, look at that! I remember --let me stop that and see how the fume was coming out of his mouth, and the way the lips, the lips, so beautiful and the hamburger . . . Massimo: Try to do something like that. Stumuk: Like that? Massimo: Maledetto figlio di puttana. FZ: He's on television set. Massimo: E non cagarmi il cazzo. Stumuk: A non cacarmil catzo. Massimo: 'Cause I have a big bunch of minchia! Stumuk: A big bunch of minchia! Phyllis: It's great you're learning Italian, I love . . . That's what I want! More, a little culture, it's enough already with "The Bun"! Stumuk: I had, I had to change it. It wasn't right. Massimo: These fucking things didn't work, I don't know why. Maybe, can you see all these little points, white points, on these fucking things? You have to know that . . . Stumuk: Can you see? Massimo: . . . all this stuff . . . Stumuk: Everybody's using the chicken to measure it with nowadays, even my kids! Massimo: . . . come from my nose, and maybe people didn't like it. Stumuk: No more the sock . . . Massimo: And I just don't know why . . . Stumuk: But "The Bun," the placement of "The Bun." It has seeds. It's different. Massimo: I just can't imagine why they didn't like these balls that come from my nose, you know? This way, tshh! And I spent a lot of years of my life to do something like that, these fucking things, and it didn't work. What can I say? Guy From Alabama: Far fucking out! Far fucking out! Linda: Hee hee hee hee! Rodney: Ah! I can dig it! Guy From Alabama: DONG! DONG! I mean dong, that's what your minchia is! Aynsley: Your which? Guy From Alabama: A minchia!

Aynsley: You mean your dick? Guy From Alabama: You put your minchia in the stinky-a.

Chiedimi che cosa fa Ma è chiaro! Se la sta a succhia'

Massimo: And you know why? 'Cause I have a big bunch of dick! Tengo una minchia tanta! And this part of the lesson, I'm sorry, but you can't learn, 'cause Mother Nature didn't make you Italian.

Tengo na minchia tanta Tengo na minchia accussi' Guarda che se la mangia Guarda che se la mangia e se la sta a succhia' Darling Darling Darling Look at your sister Do something like that, thanks

2. Tengo Na Minchia Tanta Basic track: Stadio Communale La Favorita, Palermo, Italy July 14, 1982 (soundcheck) Vocal over-dubs: UMRK September, 1982 Massimo Bassoli vocals FZ guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums Translation Ah, tengo na minchia tanta Tengo na minchia accussi' Devi usare un pollo Devi usare un pollo Se me la vuoi tastar

Devi usare un pollo Devi usarlo per misurar Phyllis: Frank! Aynsley: . . . this is the Mothers of Invention movie! Phyllis: But . . . Cosi' me la potrai succhiar You both suck in stereo Jesus! Tengo na minchia tanta Tengo na minchia accussi' Tengo na minchia tanta Tengo na minchia Tengo na minchia tanta 3. Uncle Meat Film Excerpt Part II Translation

Tengo na minchia tanta Tengo na minchia accussi' Tengo na minchia tanta Tengo na minchia accussi' Devi usare un pollo Se me la vuoi misurar Devi usare un pollo Se me la vuoi tastar Tengo na minchia tanta Tengo na minchia accussi' Tengo na minchia tanta Tengo na minchia accussi' Guarda che se la mangia E mentre se la sta a pappa' Chiedimi che cosa fa Se la sta a succhia' Tengo na minchia tanta Tengo na minchia accussi' Tengo na minchia tanta Tengo na minchia Devi usare un pollo Devi usare . . . se la vuoi misurar Devi usare un pollo Se me la vuoi tastar

0:00 Phyllis: I used to watch him eat, and while he was eating I would talk to him, and while he was eating I would ask him what he was doing, and all he would say was, "I'm using the chicken to measure it." Till this day I still don't know what he was talking about! That Minnesota Tishman, he was some guy, but I still never understood what he meant. The chicken to measure it, I don't know, probably some secret thing. Phyllis: "I'm getting hot. You're really good at those dials, baby. You're the most manipulating person I've ever seen. What's he eating? Is he turning into a monster? Frank: But you're just making things out of it. Don: Put it in your mouth then your eyes. Frank: You're getting hot, come on! The last that . . . " I don't like this page, it's not so funny . . . FZ: What's the difference? Phyllis: I don't like this page, it's not so funny. "Oh, this gets me hot! Oh, this gets me hot! Will get hot, I can get hot over it. Get hot over the hamburger, I can get it, you're getting hot, oh, am I hot over this hamburger! Think am I hot, for a hundred dollars you're getting hot, oh, am I hot, I'm so hot, I'm so hot from this hamburger, I'm hot." 1:08

Tengo na minchia tanta Phyllis: That Tishman . . . Tengo na minchia accussi' Tengo na minchia tanta Phyllis: 'Til this day I don't know what he's talking about! Tengo na minchia da tastar Mmmmm Come on, baby Come on, baby, suck my fire! Oh yeah . . . Guarda che se la mangia Tengo na minchia accussi' Guarda che se la mangia Mentre se la sta a pappa'

Phyllis: Well, I'll just continue on with my work, I can't be thinking about such things, gets me too confused. I think I need a shower, I'm tired, I'm hot, the room air-conditioning is not working. If you don't pay the bills, how does the air-conditioning gonna work? I'm going. Massimo: And now, dear friends, we are going to translate. This is my left hand. Phyllis: This is . . . Meredith: Violence! Stumuk: This is my left hand, non? Meredith: Violence! Ooh, I just, ooh! Guy From Alabama: You have an orgasm? Aynsley: No, but it just feels good! Guy From Alabama: Can I watch?

Don: That's what we need, progress! Aynsley: Actually I think that's uh, that's cool. Guy From Alabama: Get the girl here in the red. Aynsley: Yeah. Massimo: Repeat after me: Questa è la mia mano destra Stumuk: Questa e mia mano destra Don: Progress! Phyllis: Where's the prostate gland? Massimo: Look out! Don: Progress is our most important product. Massimo: Guardalo che mangia! E mentre sta mangiando parlami mentre mangi. E chiedimi cosa sta facendo. Stumuk: Parle mi. Massimo: Che cosa sta facendo? Sta mangiando. Adesso chiedimi cosa sta facendo. Sta mangiando Stumuk: Guarda sta fachendo! Massimo: Ma non lo posso fare. Stumuk: Sta mangiando! Massimo: Me ne devo andare. Stumuk: Mene debo ndare! Massimo: Devo tornare. Stumuk: Dere tocnare! Massimo: Era un senatore a trentasette anni. Stumuk: Era un senatore de setreste año. 2:26 Guy From Alabama: What band being you playing in? Aynsley: I played in a blues band. Guy From Alabama: Blues band, so do I! Aynsley: Blues. Guy From Alabama: Blues! Aynsley: Blues avant-garde, you know? Guy From Alabama: Yeah, I know what you mean. Massimo: And this is my last single. Phyllis: Oh, what is he doing? You still carrying on with that song? It's the same thing? I can't, I can't do it anymore. I'm going to make these louder so I don't have to hear about him. Forget the past! Don: I'm sure that it's going to be a hit single. Phyllis: We're coming to the beginning of a new era, wherein the development of the inner self. But you, what do you do? You watch television and you play with "The Bun," driving me crazy. Leave me alone. Stumuk: But this is twelve years later. Phyllis: I know. Stumuk: Have a new "Bun." Phyllis: I know. Stumuk: A better "Bun." Phyllis: What kind of new "Bun"? You . . . Stumuk: A brown "Bun." Phyllis: Every year you tell me is a new "Bun," I'm tired of this. I'm gonna, I'm gonna give it all up, I'm gonna go back to New York, I'm tired of you already. Finish! I can't. No, no, no, no. Go! Can you stop me? FZ: I wanna do another take of the same situation from the other side. Carl: Let me go on the other side. FZ: And Mr. Tishman, it's, you've gotta find . . . Phyllis: When I remember this . . . FZ: Yeah Carl: Let me just see uh, "Bun." FZ: Minnesota Tishman. Phyllis: Right here. Carl: Uh, give me the, give me . . . first . . . Phyllis: I remember that guy . . . FZ: Isn't he handsome? Phyllis: Yeah. FZ: He was using the chicken to measure it. Haskell Wexler: Can I stop now, Frank? FZ: Sure. Haskell Wexler: Okay, cut the cam.

4. King Kong Itself (as played by the Mothers in a studio) Lumpy Gravy Uncle Meat Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Make A Jazz Noise Here

5. King Kong (its magnificence as interpreted by Dom DeWild) Lumpy Gravy Uncle Meat Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Make A Jazz Noise Here

6. King Kong (as Motorhead explains it) Lumpy Gravy Uncle Meat Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Make A Jazz Noise Here

7. King Kong (the Gardner Varieties) Lumpy Gravy Uncle Meat Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Make A Jazz Noise Here

8. King Kong (as played by 3 deranged Good Humor Trucks) Lumpy Gravy Uncle Meat Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Make A Jazz Noise Here

9. King Kong (live on a flat bed diesel in the middle of a race track at a Miami Pop Festival . . . the Underwood ramifications) Lumpy Gravy Uncle Meat Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Make A Jazz Noise Here includes a quote from Crazy Words - Crazy Tune (Yellen/Ager) Gulfstream Park, Hallandale, FL May 18, 1968 Vo-do-de-oh-do . . .

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos. http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the album booklet with corrections and additions from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage and Arf: Notes & Comments Uncle Meat Film Excerpts transcribed by Román with lots of corrections by Barry Davis Most Italian transcriptions by Francesco Gentile with additions and corrections by Luca Bimbi Further corrections and additions by Chris Holden, Patrick Neve, Charles Ulrich, Román, Thrust Pigmy, Joefor Sotcaa and djabortion

Hot Rats (Frank Zappa, October 1969) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Peaches En Regalia 3:37 Willie The Pimp 9:16 Son Of Mr. Green Genes 8:58 Little Umbrellas 3:03 The Gumbo Variations 16:57 It Must Be A Camel 5:16 T.T.G., LA; Sunset Sound, LA; Whitney Studios, Glendale July-August, 1969 Produced by Frank Zappa Engineers: Dick Kunc--Whitney Studios Jack Hunt--T.T.G. Cliff Goldstein--T.T.G. Brian Ingoldsby--Sunset Sound Photo: Ed Caraeff Cover design: Cal Schenkel Frank Zappa guitar, octave bass, percussion Ian Underwood piano, organus maximus, all clarinets, all saxes Lowell George rhythm guitar (supposedly uncredited)

1. Peaches En Regalia Fillmore East, June 1971 Tinsel Town Rebellion Ron Selico drums Shuggy Otis bass

HOT MEAT HOT RATS HOT CATS HOT ZITZ HOT ROOTS HOT SOOTS 3. Son Of Mr. Green Genes Uncle Meat The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life

2. Willie The Pimp

Paul Humphrey drums Max Bennett bass

Fillmore East, June 1971 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 Captain Beefheart vocal Sugar Cane Harris violin John Guerin drums Max Bennett bass

4. Little Umbrellas John Guerin drums Max Bennett bass

I'm a little pimp with my hair gassed back Pair a khaki pants with my shoe shined black Got a little lady . . . walk the street Tellin' all the boys that she cain't be beat Twenny dollah bill (I can set you straight) Meet me onna corner boy 'n don't be late Man in a suit with a bow-tie neck Wanna buy a grunt with a third party check Standin' onna porch of the Lido Hotel Floozies in the lobby love the way I sell: HOT MEAT HOT RATS HOT CATS HOT RITZ HOT ROOTS HOT SOOTS

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the album booklet with corrections and additions from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Further corrections and additions by Román and Patrick Neve The parts on the CD mix not on the original vinyl are printed this way

5. The Gumbo Variations Sugar Cane Harris violin Paul Humphrey drums Max Bennett bass FZ: Take two How many bars? FZ: Uh . . . Why don't you count it off? Alright FZ: You start . . . You three start together on this Alright One . . . Two . . . One, two . . . 6. It Must Be A Camel Jean-Luc Ponty violin John Guerin drums Max Bennett bass

Burnt Weeny Sandwich (The Mothers Of Invention, February 1970) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

WPLJ (Dobard/McDaniels) 2:52 Igor's Boogie, Phase One 0:37 Overture To A Holiday In Berlin 1:27 Theme From Burnt Weeny Sandwich 4:32 Igor's Boogie, Phase Two 0:37 Holiday In Berlin, Full-Blown 6:23 Aybe Sea 2:46 The Little House I Used To Live In 18:42 Valarie (Lewis/Robinson) 3:14 Produced and conducted by Frank Zappa Cover art by Cal Schenkel Album design by John Williams THE MOTHERS OF INVENTION SINCERELY REGRET TO INFORM YOU Frank Zappa guitar, vocals Lowell George guitar, vocals Roy Estrada bass, vocals Don Preston keyboards, Minimoog Ian Underwood keyboards, clarinet, piano Buzz Gardner trumpet Bunk Gardner woodwinds Motorhead Sherwood saxophone, vocals Jimmy Carl Black drums, trumpet, vocals Art Tripp drums, percussion Sugar Cane Harris violin solo on Little House I Used To Live In Gabby Furggy (Janet Ferguson) sings "Dit-Dit-Doo-Way-Doo" on WPLJ

[NOTE FROM THE MAINTAINER: Since there's no information about who plays in each song and when they were recorded, the musicians and recording dates listed below on each song are only guesses based on close listening and information found here and there.]

1. WPLJ (R. Dobard/L. McDaniels) Does Humor Belong In Music?

God, that's--They get to you after a while 2. Igor's Boogie, Phase One

Spanish rap translation Burnt Weeny Sandwich TTG Studios July 24, 1969 FZ guitar, vocals Lowell George guitar, vocals Roy Estrada vocals Janet Ferguson vocals ("Dit-Dit-Doo-Way-Doo") Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood sax, keyboards Bunk Gardner sax John Balkin bass Art Tripp drums

Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood woodwinds Bunk Gardner woodwinds Art Tripp drums

3. Overture To A Holiday In Berlin

I say WPLJ, really taste good to me WPLJ, won't you take a drink with me Well, it's a good good wine It really make you feel so fine (So fine, so fine, so fine)

The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc Ahead Of Their Time Burnt Weeny Sandwich 200 Motels London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II

I went to the store when they opened up the door I said: "Please please please gimme some more" White Port & Lemon Juice, White Port & Lemon Juice, White Port & Lemon Juice, Ooh what it do to you!

FZ acoustic guitar Don Preston piano Ian Underwood harpsichord, woodwinds Bunk Gardner woodwinds Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Roy Estrada bass John Balkin string bass Jimmy Carl Black drums Art Tripp drums, percussion

You take the bottle, you take the can Shake it up fine, you get a good good wine. White Port & Lemon Juice, (Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah . . . ) White Port & Lemon Juice, White Port & Lemon Juice, Ooh what it do to you! The W is the White, The P is the Port, The L is the Lemon, The J is the Juice White Port & Lemon Juice, White Port & Lemon Juice, White Port & Lemon Juice, Ooh what it do to you! Well I feel so good, I feel so fine I got plenty lovin', I got plenty wine White Port & Lemon Juice, White Port & Lemon Juice, I said White Port & Lemon Juice, Ooh what it do to you! Roy: Por qué no consigues tu . . . tu carnal que nos compre some wine ese, ándale, pinche bato, puto, hombre, no te hagas nalga, hombre . . . (chale!) no seas tan denso, hombre (chale!), ándale, dile, porque no merecer, ándale, pinche vino, más sua . . . más suave es, más . . . más lindo que la chingada, hombre, ándale, pinche bato, hombre, quiere tu carnal, hombre, tu carnal ese, tú, tú sabes, tú sabes esto de la movida, tú sabes la movida, ese, tú sabes cómo es, tú sabes, pinche vino, puta, ándale, pinche bato, cabrón, ándale ?: This is getting me in trouble . . . Roy: Ándale, hombre, por qué no, hombre? ?: Sorry! Roy: Te digo que sí, hombre, te digo, chingao ese, está más . . . está más meco, hombre, ponemos más mecos que la chingada, ay! Ay, bato pinche, ay!

4. Theme From Burnt Weeny Sandwich

basic track: Mayfair and/or Apostolic Studios, NYC August-October, 1967 FZ lead and acoustic guitar Don Preston organ Roy Estrada bass Jimmy Carl Black drums Billy Mundi drums? Art Tripp percussion (overdubbed) Ruth Komanoff percussion (overdubbed)?

5. Igor's Boogie, Phase Two

Burnt Weeny Sandwich Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood woodwinds Bunk Gardner woodwinds

4:18

6. Holiday In Berlin, Full-Blown

FZ lead guitar Art Tripp drums The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc Ahead Of Their Time Burnt Weeny Sandwich 200 Motels London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II

5:13 Sugar Cane Harris violin solo Don Preston piano solo Roy Estrada bass Jimmy Carl Black drums

0:00 FZ guitar Don Preston piano Ian Underwood woodwinds Bunk Gardner woodwinds Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Roy Estrada bass Jimmy Carl Black drums Art Tripp drums

13:35

2:20

14:54

Ian Underwood piano Art Tripp drums, percussion

includes Aybe Sea

FZ guitar Ian Underwood harpsichord, woodwinds Buzz Gardner trumpet Bunk Gardner woodwinds Art Tripp percussion

FZ organ solo; guitar track Roy Estrada bass Art Tripp drums

2:47 Guitar solo from The Ark, Boston July 8, 1969 FZ lead guitar Don Preston organ Roy Estrada bass Jimmy Carl Black drums Art Tripp drums FZ: ABC . . . ABC 7. Aybe Sea Burnt Weeny Sandwich FZ acoustic guitars Ian Underwood harpsichord, piano solo

17:12 Royal Albert Hall, London June 6, 1969 FZ: Thank you, good night . . . Thank you, if you'll . . . if you sit down and be quiet, we'll make an attempt to, ah, perform Brown Shoes Don't Make It. Man In Uniform: Back on your seats, come on, we'll help you back to your seats, come on . . . Guy In The Audience: Take that man out of here! Oh! Go away! Take that uniform off man! Take off that uniform before it's fuckin' too late, man! FZ: Everybody in this room is wearing a uniform, and don't kid yourself. Guy In The Audience: . . . man! FZ: You'll hurt your throat, stop it! 9. Valarie (Lewis/Robinson)

8. The Little House I Used To Live In

A&R Studios, NYC 1969

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 Fillmore East, June 1971

FZ guitar, vocals Lowell George guitar, vocals Roy Estrada bass, vocals Don Preston electric piano Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Art Tripp drums?

0:00 Ian Underwood piano solo 1:43 FZ guitar Lowell George guitar Don Preston organ Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood woodwinds Bunk Gardner woodwinds Roy Estrada bass Jimmy Carl Black drums Art Tripp drums

La la la la la la La la la la la la La la la la la la La la la la la la Although you don't want me no more Oh, but it's alright, alright with me

'Cause you know, you're gonna want me some day Yes, you will want me, and I'll run away

Valarie Valarie

Oh, Valarie (Valarie) Valarie (Valarie) Valarie Don't you want me? Don't you need me?

Although you don't want me no more Oh, but it's alright, it's alright with me 'Cause you know, you're gonna want me some day Oh, you will want me, and I'll run away

Valarie Valarie

Oh, Valarie Valarie Valarie Valarie

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Original transcription from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage The transcription for Roy's Pachuco speech it's a common effort by Jesús Quintero, Joe Rocker, Juan "O'Brien" Quijote, Milena Saqui, Naim Farcug, Jorge Lesc, Sergio Tshakmakian and Román Further corrections and additions by Román, Biffyshrew and Lewis R. Saul

Weasels Ripped My Flesh (The Mothers Of Invention, LP, Bizarre/Reprise MS 2028, August 10, 1970) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11.

Didja Get Any Onya? 6:51 Directly From My Heart To You (Penniman) 5:16 Prelude to the Afternoon of a Sexually Aroused Gas Mask 3:48 Toads of the Short Forest 4:48 Get a Little 2:31 The Eric Dolphy Memorial Barbecue 6:52 Dwarf Nebula Processional March & Dwarf Nebula 2:12 My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama 3:32 Oh No 1:45 The Orange County Lumber Truck 3:21 Weasels Ripped My Flesh 2:08 Produced by Frank Zappa Cover art by Neon Park Art direction by John Williams FZ--Lead Guitar and Vocal ("My Guitar") Ian Underwood--Alto Sax Bunk Gardner--Tenor Sax Motorhead Sherwood--Baritone Sax and Snorks Buzz Gardner--Trumpet and Flugel Horn Roy Estrada--Bass and Vocal ("Gas Mask") Jimmy Carl Black--Drums Art Tripp--Drums Don Preston--Piano Organ and Electronic Effects Ray Collins--Vocal ("Oh No") Don "Sugar Cane" Harris--Electric Violin and Vocal ("Directly From My Heart To You") Lowell George--Rhythm Guitar and Vocal ("Didja Get Any Onya?")

I pray That our love would last away Yeah, we'd be so happy together But you're so far away

1. Didja Get Any Onya? 6:51 includes Charles Ives and The Jelly (only the CD mix) Philadelphia Arena March 2, 1969 FZ--guitar Lowell George--guitar & vocal Don Preston--keyboards Ian Underwood--woodwinds Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax Buzz Gardner--trumpet & flugel horn Roy Estrada--bass Jimmy Carl Black--drums Art Tripp--drums

Well, I need (Oh, baby, need you baby) I need you by my side Well, I need Yes, I need you by my side Oh, I'd loved you little darlin' Your love I could never hide 3. Prelude To The Afternoon Of A Sexually Aroused Gas Mask 3:48 includes a fragment from the 6th Symphony "Pathétique" (Tchaikovsky) Royal Festival Hall, London October 25, 1968 FZ--guitar Don Preston--keyboards Ian Underwood--keyboards & woodwinds Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax Buzz Gardner--trumpet & flugel horn Roy Estrada--bass & vocals Jimmy Carl Black--drums Art Tripp--drums

MOO-AHHH MOO-AHHH MOO-AHHH Lowell: Years ago in Germany when I was a very small boy, zere was a lot of people standing around on ze corners asking questions: "Why are you standing on ze corner, acting ze way you act, looking like you look? WHY DO YOU LOOK THAT WAY?" And they ask me and I only would say: "I don't . . . I don't know, I'm just standing 'round ze corner waiting here . . . just in . . . in ze evening, and . . . and it's so nice outside . . . the night is so nice . . . why . . . are you just asking these questions . . . "

FZ: Blow your harmonica, son . . . 4. Toads Of The Short Forest 4:48 includes a quote from You Oughta Be In Pictures (Heyman/Suesse)

Didja Get any Onya onya onya onya . . . (Onya . . . )

1st half: Whitney Studios, Glendale c. August, 1969

MOO-AHHH MOO-AHHH MOO-AHHH MOO-AHHH

FZ--guitar + unknown rhtyhm section 2nd half: Thee Image, Miami, Florida February 7-8, 1969

2. Directly From My Heart To You 5:16 (R. W. Penniman) T.T.G. Studios, LA c. July, 1969

FZ--guitar Lowell George--guitar Don Preston--keyboards Ian Underwood--woodwinds Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax & tambourine Buzz Gardner--trumpet & flugel horn Roy Estrada--bass Jimmy Carl Black--drums Art Tripp--drums

Don "Sugar Cane" Harris--electric violin and vocal and probably: FZ--guitar? Lowell George--guitar? Ian Underwood--organ? Don Preston--organ? Roy Estrada--bass Jimmy Carl Black--drums Direct Directly from my heart to you Direct Directly from my heart to you Oh, you know that I love you That's why I feel so blue Oh, I pray Our love would last away

FZ: At this very moment on stage we have drummer A playing in 7/8, drummer B playing in 3/4, the bass playing in 3/4, the organ playing in 5/8, the tambourine playing in 3/4, and the alto sax blowing his nose HANDS UP! POO-LAAAH! FZ: Thank you

5. Get A Little 2:31 The Factory, The Bronx, NYC February 13, 1969 FZ--lead guitar Lowell George--guitar Don Preston--keyboards Ian Underwood--woodwinds Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax Buzz Gardner--trumpet & flugel horn Roy Estrada--bass Jimmy Carl Black--drums Art Tripp--drums Motorhead: Yes . . . be hot . . . and everybody workin' on it . . . so I figured I'd rip off her . . . her drawers and get a little FZ: We'll be back in a little while 6. The Eric Dolphy Memorial Barbecue 6:52

• The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life A&R Studios, NYC 1969 FZ--guitar Lowell George--guitar Don Preston--keyboards Ian Underwood--keyboards & woodwinds Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax Buzz Gardner--trumpet & flugel horn Roy Estrada--bass Jimmy Carl Black--drums Art Tripp--drums & percussion

7. Dwarf Nebula Processional March & Dwarf Nebula 2:12 Apostolic Studios, NYC December, 1967-February, 1968 probably: FZ--guitar Ian Underwood--keyboards & woodwinds Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Art Tripp--drums

FZ--guitar & vocals Lowell George--guitar Don Preston--keyboards Ian Underwood--woodwinds Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax Buzz Gardner--trumpet & flugel horn Roy Estrada--bass Jimmy Carl Black--drums Art Tripp--drums You know, your mama and your daddy Saying I'm no good to you They call me dirty from the alley Till I don't know what to do I get so tired of sneakin' around Just to get to your back door I crawled past the garbage and Your mama jumped out, screamin' "Don't come back no more" I can't take it My guitar wants to kill your mama My guitar wants to kill your mama My guitar wants to burn your dad I get real mean when it makes me mad Later I tried to call you Your mama told me you weren't there She told me don't bother to call again Unless I cut off all my hair I get so tired of sneakin' around Just to get to your back door I crawled past the garbage and Your mama jumped out, screamin' "Don't come back no more" Later I tried to call you Your mama told me you weren't there She told me don't bother to call again Unless I cut off all my hair I get so tired of sneakin' around Just to get to your back door I crawled past the garbage and Your mama jumped out, screamin' "Don't come back no more" My guitar wants to kill your mama My guitar wants to kill your mama My guitar wants to burn your dad I get real mean when it makes me mad 9. Oh No 1:45

• Lumpy Gravy • Ahead Of Their Time • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 • Roxy & Elsewhere • Make A Jazz Noise Here

8. My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama 3:32

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 Basic track: Criteria Studios, Miami February?, 1969 Overdubs: T.T.G., Hollywood Whitney Studios, Glendale c. August-September, 1969

Apostolic Studios, NYC December, 1967-February, 1968 Ray Collins--vocals FZ--guitar Don Preston--keyboards Ian Underwood--keyboards & woodwinds Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Roy Estrada--bass & vocals Jimmy Carl Black--drums Art Tripp--drums Oh no I don't believe it

First part from an unknown performance, 1969

You say that you think you know The meaning of love You say love is all we need You say With your love you can change All of the fools All of the hate I think you're probably Out to lunch

FZ--guitar Lowell George--guitar Don Preston--keyboards Ian Underwood--woodwinds Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax Buzz Gardner--trumpet & flugel horn Roy Estrada--bass Jimmy Carl Black--drums Art Tripp--drums

Oh no I don't believe it You say that you think you know The meaning of love Do you really think it can be told? You say that you really know I think You should check it again How can you say What you believe Will be the key to a World of love? All your love Will it save me? All your love Will it save the world From what we can't understand? Oh no I don't believe it

The rest from Royal Festival Hall, London October 25, 1968 FZ--guitar Don Preston--keyboards Ian Underwood--keyboards & woodwinds Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax Buzz Gardner--trumpet & flugel horn Roy Estrada--bass Jimmy Carl Black--drums Art Tripp--drums Ha ha ha ha ha ha . . . 11. Weasels Ripped My Flesh 2:08

And in your dreams You can see yourself As a prophet Saving the world The Words from your lips I just can't believe You are such A fool

Town Hall, Birmingham, UK May 30, 1969 FZ--guitar Lowell George--guitar Don Preston--keyboards Ian Underwood--woodwinds Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax Buzz Gardner--trumpet & flugel horn Roy Estrada--bass Jimmy Carl Black--drums Art Tripp--drums

10. The Orange County Lumber Truck 3:21

• Ahead Of Their Time • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 • Roxy & Elsewhere • Make A Jazz Noise Here

FZ: Good night boys & girls . . . Thank you for coming to our concert Zappa!

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Original transcription from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Further corrections and additions by Román and Charles Ulrich

Chunga's Revenge (Frank Zappa, October 1970) Transylvania Boogie 5:01 Road Ladies 4:10 Twenty Small Cigars 2:17 The Nancy & Mary Music 9:27 part 1 2:42 part 2 4:11 part 3 2:37 Tell Me You Love Me 2:33 5. Would You Go All The Way? 2:29 6. 7. Chunga's Revenge 6:15 The Clap 1:23 8. 9. Rudy Wants To Buy Yez A Drink 2:44 10. Sharleena 4:03 1. 2. 3. 4.

Produced by Frank Zappa Special help on production: Dick Barber Engineers: Dick Kunc, Stan Agol, Roy Barker Cover design: Cal Schenkel Front cover photo: Phil Franks

1. Transylvania Boogie Ahead Of Their Time includes a quote from Help, I'm A Rock The Record Plant, LA March, 1970 Frank Zappa guitar Ian Underwood organ Max Bennett bass Aynsley Dunbar drums

Don't you ever miss your House in the country and your Hot little mama too? Don't you ever miss your House in the country and your Hot little mama too? Don't you better get a Shot from the doctor what the Road Ladies do to you? 3. Twenty Small Cigars T.T.G., LA c. July, 1969 Frank Zappa guitar & harpsichord Ian Underwood piano Max Bennett bass John Guerin drums

2. Road Ladies Whitney Studios, Glendale The Record Plant, LA August 28-29, 1970 Frank Zappa guitar & vocal Ian Underwood rhythm guitar Jeff Simmons bass & vocal George Duke organ Aynsley Dunbar drums with The Phlorescent Leech & Eddie vocals Don't it ever get lonesome? Yeah! Sure gets lonesome . . . Don't it ever get sad when you go out on the road? Oh, there was one time in Minneapolis . . . when I thought I had the clap for sure Don't it ever get lonesome? Lonesome ain't the word Don't it ever get sad when you go out on a thirty day tour? Oh, I'll take away . . . You got nothing but groupies and promoters to love you And a pile of laundry by the hotel door Don't it ever get lonesome? Don't it ever give a young man the blues? Don't it ever get lonesome? Don't it ever make a young man wanna go back home? When the P.A. system eats it, And the band plays some of the most terriblest shit you've ever known Don't you ever miss your House in the country and your Hot little mama too? Don't you ever miss your House in the country and your Hot little mama too? Don't you better get a Shot from the doctor what the Road Ladies do to you? I know someday I will never, I'll never go out on the road again, oh, yeah . . . I know someday I will never, I ain't gonna roam the countryside No more I'm gonna hang up them ol' Holiday Inns, yeah And heal my knees up, From when I was doin' it on the floor See me doing it! See me do it on the floor

4. The Nancy & Mary Music Tyrone Guthrie Theater, Minneapolis July 5, 1970 Engineer: Bruce Margolis Frank Zappa guitar Ian Underwood electric piano George Duke electric piano & vocal drum imitations Jeff Simmons bass & vocal Aynsley Dunbar drums with The Phlorescent Leech & Eddie vocals Everybody sing! 5. Tell Me You Love Me Tinsel Town Rebellion You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Broadway The Hard Way Whitney Studios, Glendale The Record Plant, LA August 28-29, 1970 Frank Zappa guitar & Condor Ian Underwood rhythm guitar & pipe organ George Duke electric piano Jeff Simmons bass Aynsley Dunbar drums with The Phlorescent Leech & Eddie vocals Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Like I want you to Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Girl . . . girl . . . girl . . . I love you so hard now, I'm cryin' for you Don't make me lose my pride I want to come inside And grab ahold of you, baby And grab ahold of you Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Like I want you to Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Now . . . now . . . now . . . I want to feel it, give me your love now

Don't make me steal it, don't make me steal it Tell me you love me, tell me you love me, Tell me you love me, tell me you love me! Tell me you love me, tell me you love me, Tell me you love me, tell me you love me! Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Like I want you to Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Girl . . . girl . . . girl . . . I love you so hard now, I'm cryin' for you Burnin' with fire, I gotta hot desire 'Cause I gotta make love with you, 'Cause I gotta make love with you, baby 'Cause I gotta make love with you, 'Cause I gotta make love with you Tell me you love me, like I want you to Tell me you love me, like I want you to Tell me you love me, like I want you to Aaaaahhh, yeah! 6. Would You Go All The Way? includes a quote from The Star-Spangled Banner (Smith/Key)

For the U.S.O.? Would you go all the way For the U.S.A.? Would you go all the way For the U.S.O.? Lift up your dress, if the answer is "no" . . . Would you go all the way For the U.S.A.? Would you go all the way For the U.S.A.? Would you go all the way For the U.S.A.? Would you go all the way? Would you go all the way? Would you go all the way For the U.S.A.? Would you go all the way For the U.S.A.? Would you go all the way For the U.S.A.? Would you go all the way? Would you go all the way? Would you go all the way? Would you go all the way? 7. Chunga's Revenge QuAUDIOPHILIAc FZ:OZ

Whitney Studios, Glendale The Record Plant, LA August 28-29, 1970

The Record Plant, LA March, 1970

Frank Zappa guitar & vocal Ian Underwood electric piano George Duke trombone Jeff Simmons bass Aynsley Dunbar drums with The Phlorescent Leech & Eddie vocals Remember Freddie and Jo? The night you went to the show? (A monster movie); Clutchin' at yer hand (Wait ten seconds) Clutchin' at yer arm (Wait ten seconds) Clutchin' at yer elbow-(Wait ten seconds) Where did your brassiere go? When the monster came out, 'N everybody shout! People all around you, Screamin' at the monster; The Monster From The U.S.O. Who's this dude with his hair straight back? His new white socks, 'n his pants all black; His T-shirts rolled-His watch is gold-A '55 Chevy that his brother just stoled, With his arm's around yer waist-An' his hand is in yer pants-An' he asks you for a date To the servicemen's dance! Suppose you don't wanna? What can you do? When a joker like that Got his hands on you-Oh, baby! T-T-T-Tell me baby, Would you go all the way

Frank Zappa guitar Ian Underwood electric alto sax with wah-wah pedal Sugar Cane Harris organ Max Bennett bass Aynsley Dunbar drums

8. The Clap The Record Plant, LA March, 1970 Frank Zappa drum set, wood blocks, temple blocks, boo-bams, tom-toms, etc.

9. Rudy Wants To Buy Yez A Drink Whitney Studios, Glendale The Record Plant, LA August 28-29, 1970 Frank Zappa guitar & vocal Ian Underwood electric piano George Duke trombone Jeff Simmons bass & vocals Aynsley Dunbar drum & tambourine with The Phlorescent Leech & Eddie vocals... with Eddie [Mark Volman in this case] on rhythm guitar Hi and howdy doody I'm the union man

You can call me Rudy Any you boys not paid up on your cards? Huh?

Them Or Us You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3

You know I'm pleased to meet ya Been tryin' all day to reach ya The union's here to help everyone of you Rock 'n Roll stars Rock 'n Roll stars

Trident Studios, London June, 1970 Frank Zappa guitar & vocal Ian Underwood grand piano & tenor sax George Duke organ Jeff Simmons bass & vocal Aynsley Dunbar drums with The Phlorescent Leech & Eddie vocals

You boys know we care so much About the way they treat ya They send a guy like me to every gig Just to get A chance to meet ya To check and see No wrong's been done That's one good reason I carry a gun I hope the bulge Don't bum you out Wanna get a good look? Let me pull it right out! Let me pull it right out! Let me pull it right out! Let me whip it right out! Rudy! Hi and howdy doody I'm the union man You can call me Rudy Any you boys not paid up on your cards? You know I'm pleased to meet ya Been tryin all day to reach ya The union's here to help everyone of you Rock 'n Roll stars Ha ha ha ha! Welcome to Chicago Welcome to L.A. Welcome to our local here You'll always hear me say The work is here; It's a couple a bucks I'm sure you're glad to pay Whip it out, here's your receipt Now I'll go away Now I'll go away Now I'll go away Now I'll go away Away-ay-eh-eh-yeah Away-ay-eh-eh-yeah Away-ay-ay-eh-eh-yeah Poo-aah . . . 10. Sharleena The Lost Episodes Playground Psychotics

I'm cryin' I'm cryin' Cryin' for Sharleena, Don't you know? I called up all my baby's friends 'N ask'n um Where she done went But nobody 'round here seems to know Where my Sharleena's been Where my Sharleena's been I'm cryin' I'm cryin' Cryin' for Sharleena, Can't you see? I called up all my baby's friends 'N ask'n um Where she done went But nobody 'round here seems to know Where my Sharleena's been Where my Sharleena's been Ten long years I been lov'n her Ten long years And I thought deep down in my heart She was mine Ten long years I been lov'n her Ten long years I would call her my baby, and now, I'm always cryin' Ugh! Ugh! I would be so delighted I would be so delighted If they would just Send her on home to me I would be so delighted I would be so delighted If they would just Send her on home to me Send my baby home to me! Send my baby home to me! Send my baby ho-oo-ome! Send my baby home to me!

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from The Real Frank Zappa Book ("Would You Go All The Way?"), Tinsel Town Rebellion booklet ("Tell Me You Love Me") and Them Or Us booklet ("Sharleena") Other transcriptions, corrections and additions from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage and Arf: Notes & Comments Further corrections and additions by Román and Charles Ulrich

Fillmore East, June 1971 (The Mothers, August 1971) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Little House I Used To Live In 4:41 The Mud Shark 5:22 What Kind of Girl Do You Think We Are? 4:17 Bwana Dik 2:21 Latex Solar Beef 2:38 Willie The Pimp Part One 4:03 Willie The Pimp Part Two 1:54 7. Do You Like My New Car? 7:08 8. Happy Together (Bonner/Gordon) 2:57 9. Lonesome Electric Turkey 2:32 10. Peaches En Regalia 3:22 11. Tears Began To Fall 2:46 Fillmore East, NYC June 5-6, 1971 Produced by Frank Zappa Engineered by Barry Keene Mixed and Mastered at Whitney Studio starring Toby Foster Cover by Cal Schenkel (he made me do it) Players: Frank Zappa Guitar & Dialog Mark Volman Lead Vocals & Dialog Howard Kaylan Lead Vocals & Dialog Ian Underwood Winds & Keyboard & Vocals Aynsley Dunbar Drums Jim Pons Bass & Vocals & Dialog Bob Harris 2nd Keyboard & Vocals Don Preston Minimoog

Mud Sh-sh-shark 1. Little House I Used To Live In You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 Burnt Weeny Sandwich Ooh! La-la la-la-la la-ra-la-la la-la-la La-la la-la-la la-ra-la-la la-laaaah! Aynsley Dunbar! Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya Ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya Ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya

FZ: There's a motel in Seattle, Washington, called the Edgewater Inn . . . The Edgewater Inn is built out on a pier . . . so that means that when you look out your window you don't see any dirt, it's . . . got a bay or something out in your backyard . . . Mud Sh-sh-shark FZ: And to make it even more interesting, in the lobby of the aforementioned motel there's a bait and tackle shop where the residents can go down and, whenever they want to, rent a fishing pole and some preserved minnows and schlep back up to their rooms, open the window, stick their little pole outside and within a few minutes actually catch a fish of some sort that they can bring into their motel room and do whatever they want with it, you know what I mean? Mud Sh-sh-shark FZ: Now in this bay there's quite a variety of . . . fish!

Hoopla! Oink! Oink! La la la la . . . Aah!

Mud Sh-sh-shark

Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya Ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya Ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya La la-la la-la-la La-la la-la-la-la la-la la-la La-la la-la la-la-la-la la-la la-la . . . Mud Shark 2. The Mud Shark includes a quote from Little House I Used To Live In

FZ: Not only do they have mud sharks up there, they got little octopusses that you can catch Fish! Mud Sh-sh-shark FZ: And all of these denizens of the deep can come in real handy . . . Mud Sh-sh-shark FZ: Let's say you were a travelling Rock and Roll band called The Vanilla Fudge . . . let's say one night you checked into the Edgewater Inn with an 8mm movie camera . . . Mud Sh-sh-shark

FZ: That's right, you heard right, the Secret Word for tonight is Mud Shark! And of course with the Mud Shark Secret Word is the Mud Shark Arpeggio . . . a marvellous little arpeggio, and now the mating call of the adult male Mud Shark . . .

FZ: Enough money to rent a pole, and just to make it more interesting . . .

Mud Sh-sh-shark FZ: THE MUD SHARK DANCING LESSON!

FZ: A succulent young lady! Howard: Nooo! FZ: With a taste for the bizarre . . .

Mud Sh-sh-shark

Mud Sh-sh-shark

Mark: Wait a minute . . . we're gonna do a little dancing . . . a little dancing thing called the Mud Shark . . . Now, this dance started up in Seattle Howard: Yes . . . Mark: The story . . . FZ: Lemme tell you the story 'bout the Mud Shark . . .

FZ: My mind drifts back . . . to a meeting, a chance meeting in the Chicago O'Hare Airport . . .

Mud Sh-sh-shark FZ: Bring the band on down behind me, boys . . . Howard: Say! Good God! Ain't it funky! Say! FZ: The origins of the Mud Shark are as follows . . .

Mud Sh-sh-shark

Mud Sh-sh-shark FZ: Where the members of The Vanilla Fudge told Don Preston about a home movie they made at the Edgewater Inn . . . with a mud shark! Mud Sh-sh-shark

FZ: And I'm gonna tell you, this dance, the Mud Shark, is sweeping the ocean! Hey! Mud Sh-sh-shark Mark: Ah, we're goin'! Go 'head! Ah, we're goin'! Now we're gonna go out, somehow! Come one! Out You go out So far out You do the Mud Shark, baby Out You go out So far out You do the Mud Shark, baby (Now show 'em what they do with the Mud Shark!) Out You go out (Now show 'em what they do with the Mud Shark!) So far out You do the Mud Shark, baby Hey! Out You go out (Catch the Mud Shark) So far out You do the Mud Shark, baby Out You go out So far out You do the Mud Shark, baby Out You go out So far out You do the Mud Shark, baby Out You go out So far out You do the Mud Shark, baby Out You go out So far out You do the Mud Shark, baby Out You go out So far out You do the Mud Shark, baby Out You go out So far out You do the Mud Shark, baby Out You go out So far out You do the Mud Shark, baby 3. What Kind Of Girl Do You Think We Are? Broadway The Hard Way Howard: What's a girl like you Doin' in a place like this? Mark: I left my place after midnight And I came to this hall Me and my girlfriend, we came here Lookin' to ball

Howard: You came to the right place This is it This is the swingin'-est place In New York City Chorus: NO SHIT! Mark: How true that is! Howard: Oh, how true indeed Mark: Yeah, me and my, Me and my girlfriend, we come here Every Friday 'n Saturday night looking for that Hot romance we need We like to get it on-Do you like to get it on, too? Howard: Well now, what did you have in mind? Mark: Well, I'll tell ya Well I get off bein' juked With a baby octopus And spewed upon with creamed corn . . . An' my girlfriend, she digs it With a hot Yoo-hoo bottle While somebody's screamin': CORKS 'N SAFETIES PIGS 'N DONKEYS ALICE COOPER, baby . . . WAAAAH! Bob: Well, it gets me so hot I could scream Chorus: ALICE COOPER, ALICE COOPER! WAAAAH! ALICE COOPER, ALICE COOPER! WAAAAH! Howard: You two chicks sound real far out and groovy Ever been to a Holiday Inn? Mna-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa . . . Magic Fingers in the bed (Picture it!) Wall-mounted TV screens Coffee-Host plugged into the bathroom wall Formica's really keen! Chorus: (What kind of girl?) What kind of girl do you think we are? (What kind of girl?) What kind of girl do you think we are? (I ain't no groupie) Don't call us groupies That is going too far (What kind of girl?) We wouldn't ball you Just because you're a star FZ: These girls wouldn't let just anybody Spew on their vital parts

They want a guy from a group With a big hit single in the charts! Howard: Funny you should mention it Our new single made the charts this week With a bullet! With a bullet! Just let me put a little more Rancid Budweiser on my beard right now, baby And you can show me how A young girl such as you Might be thrilled and Overwhelmed by me, ho-ho . . . Mark: What hotel did you say you were staying at? Howard: Wanna split right away? Mark: Not so fast, you silly boy . . . There's one thing I gotta say Chorus: We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts

Chorus: Bwana Dik is a legend Enormous thou art Howard: My dick is a Harley You kick it to start Chorus: Bwana Dik speaks The heavens will part Howard: My dick is a dagger I'll force it to fit My dick is a reamer, baby To scream up your slit Chorus: Steam it! Ream it! Cream it! 5. Latex Solar Beef includes a quote from Also sprach Zarathustra (Strauss) Mud Shark Mud Shark

4. Bwana Dik Lumpy Gravy Make A Jazz Noise Here includes a quote from Daddy, Daddy, Daddy which includes a quote from Tell Me You Love Me And if his dick is a monster If his dick is a monster If his dick is a monster They will give him their hearts Howard: Hold it! Please hold it! My God, Madge . . . you voluptuous New York City slit . . . Why didn't you tell me before? It was so hard to tell with your little blousey-poo on, but . . . Now that I see you . . . I would have helped . . . I didn't know you were so obviously . . . PREGNANT . . . I've got the thing you need I am endowed beyond your wildest Clearasil-spattered fantasies Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah . . . Girls from all over the world Flock to write my name on the toilet walls Of the Whisky A-Go-Go For I am Bwana Dik I am Bwana Dik Me Bwana Dik Yo! Me Bwana Dik Say! My dick is a monster Give me your heart

You can hear the steam, baby You can hear the screamin' steam right now As the reamer steams up the lake Reenie weenie up to the snake Acetylene Nirvana Hemorrhoids Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids baby Acetylene Nirvana Hemorrhoids Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids baby Steam roller (Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids baby) Steam roller Steam roller (I'm talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids baby) Steam roller Not now girl Acetylene Nirvana Hemorrhoids Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids baby Acetylene Nirvana Hemorrhoids Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids baby I need somebody to . . . Help me Help me Help me Help me Help me Help me Help me Hear the steam See the steam Hear the steam Hear the screaming hot black steaming

Iridescent naugahyde python's gleaming Steam roller 6. Willie The Pimp Part One Hot Rats Fillmore East, June 1971 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 includes part of Latex Solar Beef Mud Shark All groupies must bow down In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef All groupies must bow down In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef Steam roller (Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids baby), Steam roller Steam roller (Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids mama), Steam roller (Gooey piles, baby!) Willie The Pimp Part Two Hot Rats Fillmore East, June 1971 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4

7. Do You Like My New Car? You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 includes a quote from Tell Me You Love Me Mark: I mean really . . . Howard: Rant-rant-rant-rt-rt-rt-rant-nt . . . Mark: You are . . . you gotta tell me something . . . I mean, seriously, I'm tellin' you, this is the first time that any of my girlfriends and I have ever met anybody reallyfrom Hollywood . . . I mean . . . really my girlfriend Jim and Ian and . . . Aynsley and Bob and . . . Frank . . . I mean, none of us . . . we've never . . . Howard: Pleased to meet you . . . Ian: Hi Howie Mark: We've never met a pop star from Hollywood . . . tell me something: have you ever met Davy Jones . . . or . . . Howard: No . . . Mark: . . . or Bobby Sherman? Howard: No, I . . . Mark: I mean . . . David Cassidy, he's so . . . Howard: No . . . Jimmy Greenspoon, and once I . . . Mark: Three Dog Night? Howard: Yeah . . . Mark: Oh! I love them! They're my favorite band! oh gawd . . . oh, do you like my new car . . . ? My dad just gave it to me for graduation Howard: Oh, yeah . . . ! It's a . . . it's a Fillmore, isn't it? Real futuristic, ah . . . I dig the fins . . . listen: do you know how to get to the, ah, Holiday Inn from here? Mark: No, ah . . . which one is it? Howard: (Burp) . . . excuse me . . . It's . . . it's . . . it's the one by the airport . . . you know . . . 'cause we gotta . . . we gotta get up early an' . . . fly outta here in the morning, you know? Mark: Oh! Oh, I didn't know that . . . (Oh, yeah!) Mark: Where . . . where d'you guys play tomorrow night? I mean . .

. I'd like to come maybe . . . in your bus or somethin'... Howard: Yeah? (In the BUS!) Howard: Come in the bus, huh? Tomorrow we're in ah, let's see . . . Tierra del Fuego Mark: Oh . . . You're so professional, Howie! Howard: Oh, it's not . . . Mark: Howie, I mean . . . Howard: It's nothing . . . Mark: I mean the way you're gettin' to p . . . to play n all these exotic places, I mean . . . Howard: Yeah Mark: Tell me something, tell me and all my girl-- TELL me . . . do you really have a hit record . . . on the charts now . . . with a BULLET? I mean that's really important to me . . . Howard: Listen, honey . . . would I lie to you just to . . . get in your pants? Mark: He-Hey! Listen! Jim: Hey, hey . . . Mark: Hey, listen to me . . . tell him : WE ARE NOT GROUPIES! Howard: No, I never . . . I never said that. . . Mark: We're not groupies! You better understand . . . I told Robert Plant it, I told Elton John, I told all those big guys . . . Howard: Robert PLANET?! Mark: We are not groupies! Howard: No, I never . . . Mark: Roger Daltrey never laid a hand on me! Howard: No, I never . . . I . . . it's obvious to see why . . . Listen, I've never . . . Mark: And my . . . Jim: Howard . . . Mark: Tell him! Tell him right now! Jim: We only like musicians for f-friends, you know? FZ: Real straight arrow, Howie Mark: Really . . . just for friends, Howie . . . Jim: But we still like you FZ: Yeah, we wouldn't mind coming in your bus, though Jim: I mean, we still want to hear your record... Howard: Listen you chicks, now didn't . . . didn't you just say that you got off bein' juked with a BABY OCTOPUS . . . and spewed upon with creamed corn . . . an' that your harelipped dyke-o bassplaying girlfriend on the backseat had to have it with a Yoo-hoo bottle or she went apeshit . . . ?! Mark: Oh . . . Howard: What's the deal, baby? Mark: Howie! Howard: Come on . . . Mark: Howie, listen to me, all that's true . . . Howard: Come across, like . . . you know? Mark: I swear, all that's true, and sometimes I even dig it with a Dr. Brown's Cream Soda . . . or a Cel-Ray! But . . . we are not groupies! No matter what you think . . . Howard: No, I never . . . Mark: We are not groupies . . . Howard: You see, there seems to be some kind of a communications problem, honey, because I . . . I'm a lonely guy from outta town, you know, an' . . . an' I want some ACTION . . . what . . . what I'm talkin' about is, I wanna . . . a-a steaming, succulent, everwidening, gooey, drippy, runny kind of a hole with a . . . with . . . how shall I put this . . . ? What say we hop in the trunk of your Gremlin AN' GET OUR ROCKS OFF? Mark: Hey! Hey-hey-hey-heyyyy . . . Jesus! FZ: Very agile, Howie, very agile! Mark: I'm in this band, man . . . I am in this band no matter what we do up here . . . you know . . . Now listen, it just so happens . . . Howard: Yeah . . . Mark: Tonight me and my girlfriends, I mean, we've all come here for one thing tonight . . . Howard: Yeah? Mark: Looking for a guy . . . And we're looking for a guy from a group . . . Howard: Wow! Mark: BUT HE'S GOTTA HAVE A DICK! Howard: NO! Mark: AND HE'S GOTTA HAVE A DICK THAT'S A MONSTER!! Howard: WAAAAAAAAH . . . ! That's me!! That's me! Oh . . .

Oh, you voluptuous Manhattan Island clit . . . FZ: I swear he was a Manhattan Island . . . Howard: Take me, I'm yours, you hole . . . fulfil my . . . wildest dreams! Mark: Ooooh! Anything for you, my most seductive, seclusive . . . pop star of a man . . . Howard: Yeah? Mark: Picture this if you can Howard: Oh . . . Mark: Bead jobs! Howard: Oh! Mark: Knotted nylons! Howard: Oh! Mark: Bamboo canes! Howard: Oh! Mark: Three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young fighting in the dressing-room of the Fillmore East! Howard: Oh! Mark: One enchilada wrapped with pickle sauce shoved up and down in between a donkey's legs until he can't stand it no more . . . ! All this and more, Howie, including: an electric coolde pony harness, with fuel injection . . . fuel injection . . . fuel injection . . . Howard: Oh . . . my God, I . . . I . . . I can't stand it! I mean . . . I mean, do you understand the implications of what I'm saying? I . . . I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND . . . FEET ON FIRE . . . I'M GOING HOME! I GOTTA SEE MY BABY! I GONNA . . . SO HOT! I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT . . . I CAN'T STAND IT . . . I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T . . . OH! OH NO! OH . . . GOD . . .! I can't stand it! Oh . . . I really can't stand it . . . please . . . give it to me . . . give it to me right here in the trunk of your Gremlin . . . give me . . . GIVE ME THE ENCHILADA WITH THE PICKLE SAUCE SHOVED UP AND DOWN THE DONKEY'S ASS UNTIL HE CAN'T COME ANYMORE! Mark: Hey-hey! Not until you sing me your big hit record! And I wanna hear the big hit record, and I wanna hear it now, an' I wanna hear the big hit record now with a bullet! With a bullet! Howard: The bullet? Mark: The BULLET! The BULLET! It's the part that gets me the hottest . . . now sing me that record, and I wanna hear it right now or you ain't driving nowhere tonight, buddy . . . Howard: Well . . . I know when I'm licked . . . all over . . . Okay, baby: BEND OVER AND SPREAD 'EM! Here comes my . . . BULLET!! 8. Happy Together (Garry Bonner & Alan Gordon) Howard: Say! Imagine me and you, I do, I think about you day and night It's only right, To think about the girl you love And hold her tight, So happy together If I should call you up, (Call you up) Invest a dime And you say you belong to me, (Ease my mind) And ease my mind Imagine how the world could be, (Very fine) So very fine, So happy together Mark: Just like a big rock show, if you wanna sing along . . .

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you for all my life When you're with me, baby, The skies will be blue for all my life Mark: Everybody sing along like a big rock show, come on! Pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa pa One more time! Pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa pa FZ: We'd like to thank you very much for comin' to our concert tonight . . . I know that ah . . . uh-hum . . . in a way it's sad that Bill Graham is closin' down the Fillmore, but ah . . . I'm sure he'll get into somethin' better . . . It's been lovely, workin' for you this evenin' . . . good night . . . Good night . . . (Good night, good night . . . ) Good night, boys and girls! (Good night, good night . . . ) Good night, good night, boys and girls! Good . . . night . . . Good night, boys and girls! 9. Lonesome Electric Turkey Encore excerpt featuring Don Preston on Minimoog Aaaaaaaaaaah . . . Aaaaaaaaaaah . . . AH! 10. Peaches En Regalia Hot Rats Tinsel Town Rebellion

11. Tears Began To Fall includes a quote from Gone With The Wind (Max Steiner) Wow! Tears began to fall, The writing's on the wall 'Cause there was nothing I could say She took the car and drove away And now I'm sittin' here all alone

Without no love of my own That's when the tears began to fall 'Cause I ain't got no love at all Tears began to fall and fall and fall Down my shirt 'Cause I feel so hurt Since my baby drove away Tears began to fall And tears began to fall Tears began to fall and fall and fall And tears began to fall Ay ay ay aaaah . . . Ay ay ay aaaah . . . Ay-ay ay ay-ay aaaah . . . Ay-ay ay ay-ay aaaah . . . And now I'm sittin' here all alone Without no love of my own Without no love of my own Without no love of my own Tears began to fall Tears began to fall Tears began to fall Tears began to fall

Tears began to fall Tears began to fall Tears began to fall Tears began to fall Now! Tears began to fall and fall and fall Down my shirt 'Cause I feel so hurt Since my baby drove away Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah Tears began to fall (Tears began to fall) Tears began to fall Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah Tears began to fall (Tears began to fall) Tears began to fall Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah Tears began to fall (Tears began to fall again) Tears began to fall Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah Tears began to fall (Tears began to fall) Tears began to fall Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-waaah . . .

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Original transcription from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Further corrections and additions by Román, Keith Ward, Fast Frank, Eric Benveniste, Willem van Baalen, Moffatt Bradford, Tan Mitsugu and Charles Ulrich

Frank Zappa's 200 Motels (Featuring The Mothers of Invention and The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, October 1971) 19. Lucy's Seduction of A Bored Violinist & Postlude 4:01 disc 1 disc 2 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18.

Semi-Fraudulent/Direct-From-Hollywood Overture 1:59 Mystery Roach 2:32 Dance Of The Rock & Roll Interviewers 0:48 This Town Is A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (prologue) 0:55 Tuna Fish Promenade 2:29 Dance Of The Just Plain Folks 4:40 This Town Is A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (reprise) 0:58 The Sealed Tuna Bolero 1:40 Lonesome Cowboy Burt 3:59 Touring Can Make You Crazy 2:52 Would You Like A Snack? 1:23 Redneck Eats 3:02 Centerville 2:31 She Painted Up Her Face 1:41 Janet's Big Dance Number 1:18 Half A Dozen Provocative Squats 1:57 Mysterioso 0:48 Shove It Right In 2:32

I'm Stealing The Towels 2:14 Dental Hygiene Dilemma 5:11 Does This Kind of Life Look Interesting To You? 2:59 Daddy, Daddy, Daddy 3:11 Penis Dimension 4:37 What Will This Evening Bring Me This Morning 3:32 A Nun Suit Painted On Some Old Boxes 1:08 Magic Fingers 3:53 Motorhead's Midnight Ranch 1:28 Dew On The Newts We Got 1:09 The Lad Searches The Night For His Newts 0:41 The Girl Wants To Fix Him Some Broth 1:10 The Girl's Dream 0:54 Little Green Scratchy Sweaters & Courduroy Ponce 1:00 15. Strictly Genteel (the finale) 11:10

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14.

200 MOTELS PROMOTIONAL RADIO SPOTS: 16. 17. 18. 19. 20.

"Coming Soon!..." 0:55 "The Wide Screen Erupts..." 0:57 "Coming Soon!..." 0:31 "Frank Zappa's 200 Motels..." 0:13 Magic Fingers (Single Edit) 2:58

Pinewood Studios, London January 28-February 5, 1971 Overdubs at Whitney Studios, L.A. Summer 1971 Produced by Frank Zappa live recording facilities: The Mobile Rolling Stones live recording engineer: Bob Auger over-dub & re-mix engineer: Barry Keene reduction facilities: Whitney Studios road manager: Dick Barber technicians: Paul Hoff & Dave O'Neil album package & book design: Cal Schenkel cover/poster design & illustration: Dave McMacken The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra conducted by Elgar Howarth

The MOTHERS on this particular occasion: FZ guitar & bass Mark Volman vocals & special material Howrd Kaylan vocals & special material Ian Underwood keyboards & winds Aynsley Dunbar drums George Duke keyboards & trombone Martin Lickert bass Jimmy Carl Black vocal on LONESOME COWBOY BURT Ruth Underwood orchestra drum set Jim Pons voice of the "Bad Conscience" The Top Score Singers conducted by David Van Asch Phyllis Bryn-Julson soprano Classical Guitar Ensemble supervised by John Williams Narrated by Theodore Bikel

disc 1 1. Semi-Fraudulent/Direct-From-Hollywood Overture Burnt Weeny Sandwich 200 Motels London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II Theodore Bikel: Ladies and gentlemen! Chorus: 200 motels Theodore Bikel: 200 motels . . . Life on the road! Theodore Bikel: Ladies and gentlemen! and here is . . . Chorus: Who? Theodore Bikel: Larry the dwarf! Larry likes to dress up funny Tonight he's dressed up like Frank Zappa Let's ask him "What's the deal?" Say! 2. Mystery Roach

Mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery roach! Mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery roach! Mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery roach! Mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery roach! . . . once in a minute . . . Mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery roach! Mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery roach! Mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery roach! Mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery roach! Mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery roach! Mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery roach! Mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery roach! Mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery mystery roach! Howard: Ah! Hold it! Wait a minute! Stop that music! Please . . . Hold it! Wait a minute! Ah . . . What are we SINGING about? A mystery roach? We must be . . . FLIPPING OUT!

Ow! Look out! Ow! Look out! Ow! Look out!

3. Dance Of The Rock & Roll Interviewers

How long? How long? Till that mystery roach be arrivin' soon Ya-ooo Ya-ooo Ya-ooo Ya-ooo

4. This Town Is A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (prologue)

That mystery roach be approachin' That mystery roach be approachin' me La La La La La La La, Oof! How long? How long? Till that mystery roach been gone Ya-ooo-ooo-oo-ooo Ya-ooo-ooo-oo-ooo That mystery roach be approachin' That mystery roach be approachin' me La La La La La La La, Oof! That mystery roach be approachin' That mystery roach be approachin' me La La La La La La La, Oof!

200 Motels Orchestral Favorites London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II This town This town This town we're in is just a Sealed Tuna Sandwich with the wrapper glued We get a few in every tour I think we've played this one before. 5. Tuna Fish Promenade 200 Motels Orchestral Favorites London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II This town This town Is a Sealed Tuna Sandwich Sealed Tuna Sandwich

With the wrapper glued It's by baloney on the rack It goes for 40 cents a whack It's just a place for us to play To help us pay The cost of the tickets back to L.A. The cost of the tickets back to L.A. The cost of the tickets back to L.A. All the people in the Sandwich Town Think the place is great What if part of it's crumbling down? Most of them prob'ly won't be 'round . . . They'll either be dead Or moved to San Francisco (Where everybody thinks they're Heavy Business . . . But it's just a Tuna Sandwich from another catering service . . .) 6. Dance Of The Just Plain Folks The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc Ahead Of Their Time Orchestral Favorites London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II

7. This Town Is A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (reprise) 200 Motels Orchestral Favorites London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II This town This town This town we're in is just a Sealed Tuna Sandwich with the wrapper glued We get a few in every tour They're always such a fucking bore I CAN'T WAIT TILL WE BLOW THIS TOWN AND WORK A PLACE WITH SOME LOCAL HOT ACTION! 8. The Sealed Tuna Bolero 200 Motels Orchestral Favorites London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II This town This town Is a Sealed Tuna Sandwich Sealed Tuna Sandwich With the wrapper glued (WITH THE WRAPPER GLUED!) It's by baloney on the rack Rant-tant-tant Tant-tant-tant Tant-tant-tant It goes for 40 cents a whack It's just a rancid little snack In a plastic bag From a matron in La Habra with a blown-out crack WHO DIES TO SUCK THE FRINGE OFF OF JIMMY CARL BLACK! 9. Lonesome Cowboy Burt You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life

My name is Burtram I am a redneck All my friends, They call me 'Burt' (Hi, Burt!) All my family, From down in Texas Make their livin' Diggin' dirt Come out here to Californy, Just to find me Some pretty girls Ones I seen Gets me so horny; Ruby lips, 'N teeth like pearls! Wanna love 'em all! Wanna love 'em dearly! Wanna pretty girl-I'll even pay! I'll buy 'em furs! I'll buy 'em jewelry! I know they like me; Here's what I say: I'm lonesome Cowboy Burt! (Speakin' atcha!) Come smell my fringe-y shirt! (Reekin' atcha!) My cowboy pants, My cowboy dance, My bold advance, On this here waitress . . . Yodel-oh-oo-pee-hey Yodel-oh-oo-pee! (He's lonesome Cowboy Burt Don'tcha get his feelings hurt) Come on in this place, 'N I'll buy you a taste, You can sit on my face-Where's my waitress? Burtram, Burtram redneck Burtram, Burtram redneck I'm an awful nice guy! Sweat all day in the sun! Roofer by trade, Quite a bundle I've made, I'm unionized roofin' old Son-of-a-gun! (He's a unionized roofin' old Son-of-a-gun!) When I get off, I get plastered Drink till I fall onna floor, Find me some Communist bastard, 'N stomp on his face till he don't Move no more! (He stomps on his face till he don't Move no more!) I fuss, an' I cuss an' I keep on drinkin', Till my eyes puff up an' turn red! I drool on m'shirt, I see if he's hurt, Kick him again in the head, yes! Kick him again in the head, boys! Kick him again in the head, now! KICK HIM AGAIN IN THE HEAD!

Lonesome Cowboy Burt! (Speakin' atcha!) Come smell my fringe-y shirt! (Reekin' atcha!) My cowboy pants, My cowboy dance, My bold advance, On this here waitress . . . Yodel-oh-oo-pee-yeh Yodel-oh-oo-pee!

Centerville A real nice place to raise your kids up Centerville It's really neat! Churches Churches And liquor stores 14. She Painted Up Her Face

(HE'S LONESOME COWBOY BURT, A--don'tcha get his feelin's hurt) Yeah . . . but come on in this place, An' I'll buy you a taste, 'N you can sit on my face-Where's my waitress? OPAL, YOU HOT LITTLE BITCH!

200 Motels You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 She painted up her face She sat before the mirror She painted up her face She drew the mirror nearer

10. Touring Can Make You Crazy Practisissing, Practiss, Practicing! London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II The STARE! The STARE! 11. Would You Like A Snack? Burnt Weeny Sandwich 200 Motels London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II Went on the road For a month touring What a drag You gotta go Even if you'd rather be at home Flaked out In Hollywood Drove to Inglewood and then we dumped All our shit into the plane at five-O-three (What's it gonna be?) Chicken, beef or turkey? La La La La Would you like a snack? 12. Redneck Eats The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 Orchestral Favorites London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II

(The 'secret stare' she would use If a worthy-looking victim should appear) Practisissing, Practiss, Practicing! (Ah-hoo-ah-hoo-wah-hoo-wahhhh) Practisissing, Practiss, Practicing! 15. Janet's Big Dance Number

16. Half A Dozen Provocative Squats 200 Motels You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 The clock upon the wall Has struck the midnight hour! She finishes her call; Her girlfriend's in the shower Practisissing, Practiss, Practicing!

JCB: Hey twerp, play me something I can enjoy!

Half a dozen provocative squats! Out of the shower, she squeezes her spots; Brushes her teeth; Shoots a deodorant spray up her twat . . . (It's getting her, getting her Hot--Oh-woh-woh-woh-woh-woh) She's just twenty-four And she can't get off, A sad but typical case, yeah Last dude to do her Got in and got soft; She blew it, And laughed in his face, yeah! Face, yeah! Yeah

13. Centerville

17. Mysterioso

JCB: Hey, who are these dudes? Are you a boy, or a girl? HA HA HA HA . . . HA HA JCB: What the fuck was that? I wonder if that son of a bitch can play something I might even like! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Ha

London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II 18. Shove It Right In

200 Motels You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 She chooses all the clothes She'll wear tonight to dance in! (She dances, she prances, she dances, she prances She prances, she prances, she . . . ) The places that she goes Are filled with guys from groups, (Yeah-yeah-yeah) Waiting for a chance to break her pants in PROVOCATIVE SQUATS! (gum-me-on-m'lung-a) PROVOCATIVE SQUATS! (gum-me-on-m'lung-a) PROVOCATIVE SQUATS! (gum-me-on-m'lung-a) PROVOCATIVE SQUATS! (gum-me-on-m'lung-a) Well, at least there's sort of a choice there; Twenty or thirty at times there have been-Somewhat desirable boys there-Dressed really spiffy, with long hair-Waiting for girls they can shove it right in Well, at least there's sort of a choice there; Twenty or thirty at times there have been-Somewhat desirable boys there-Dressed really spiffy, with long hair-Waiting for girls they can shove it right in 19. Lucy's Seduction Of A Bored Violinist & Postlude

disc 2 1. I'm Stealing The Towels 200 Motels 200 Motels Han toon ran toon Ran-tant-ta-dan 200 Motels Jeff: I'm stealing the towels! 2. Dental Hygiene Dilemma Jeff: Han-Min-Noon-Toon Han-Toon-Ran Good Conscience: No, Jeff! Jeff: Rantoon, Rantoon, Rantoon, Frammin, Hantoon, Rantoon, Hantoon, Frammin Good Conscience: No no no! Jeff: Man! This stuff is great! It's just as if Donovan himself had appeared on my very own TV with words of peace, love, and eternal cosmic wisdom . . . ! Leading me. Guiding me. On paths of everlasting pseudo-karmic negligence, in the very midst of my druginduced nocturnal emission. Good Conscience: For I am your good conscience, Jeff. I know all. I see all. I am a cosmic love pulse matrix, becoming a technicolor interpositive! Jeff: Huh? Where'd you buy that incense? It's hip. Good Conscience: It's the same and mysterious exotic oriental fragrance as what the Beatles get off on. Jeff: I thought I recognized it . . . Sniff, sniff . . . Mmm, what is that, MUSK? Sniff, sniff, sniff . . . mmmh! Good Conscience: Jeff, I know what's good for you. Jeff: Right. You're heavy.

Good Conscience: Yes, Jeff, I am your guiding light. Listen to me. Don't rip off the towels, Jeff! Bad Conscience: Piss off, you little nitwit! Jeff: Hey man, what's the deal? Good Conscience: Don't listen to him, Jeff, he's no good. He'll make you do BAD THINGS! Jeff: You mean, he'll make me sin? Good Conscience: Yes, Jeff. SIN! Jeff: Wow! Bad Conscience: Jeff, I'd like to have a word with you . . . about your soul. Good Conscience: No, don't listen, Jeff. Bad Conscience: Why are you wasting your life, night after night playing this comedy music? Jeff: You're right, I'm too heavy to be in this group. Bad Conscience: Comedy music . . . Good Conscience: Jeff, YOUR SOUL! (right channel:) Oh, ah Oh, you're wasting your life To be . . . Ah (left channel:) Oh, ah Ah, ah Too heavy, Jeff Jeff: In this group, all I ever get to do is play Zappa's comedy music. HE EATS! Good Conscience: Jeff! Jeff: I get so tense! Bad Conscience: Of course you do, my boy. Jeff: The stuff he makes me do is always off the wall! Bad Conscience: That's why it would be best to leave his stern employ. Jeff: And quit the group! Bad Conscience: You'll make it big! Jeff: That's right. Bad Conscience: Of course! Jeff: And then I won't be SMALL! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ti-diddly-diddly-dee Ha, ha, ha . . . He-he-he-he-heh! Jeff: Cough, cough. Ahmet Ertegun used this towel as a bathmat six weeks ago at a rancid motel in Orlando, Florida, with the highest MILDEW rating of any commercial lodging facility within the territorial limits of the United States, naturally excluding tropical possessions . . . It's still damp. What an aroma! This is the best I ever got off! What can I say about this elixir? Try it on steaks! Cleans nylons! Small craft warnings! It's great for the home! The office! On fruits! Bad Conscience: This is the real you, Jeff. Rip off a few more ashtrays. Get rid of some of that inner tension. Quit the comedy group! Get your own group together. Heavy! Like GRAND FUNK! Or BLACK SABBATH . . . Good Conscience: No, Jeff . . . Jeff: Or COVEN! Good Conscience: Peace . . . Love . . . Bad Conscience: Bollocks! Jeff: What can I say about this elixir? Howard: Jeff has gone out there on that stuff! Good Conscience: He should have never have used the elixir and only stuck to the incense. Oh, Atlantis . . . Mark: That was BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, dressed up like Donovan, fading out on the wall-mounted TV screen. Jeff IS flipping out. Road fatigue! We've got to get him back to normal before Zappa finds out, and steals it, and makes him do it in the movie!

Bad Conscience: You have a brilliant career ahead of you, my boy, Just GET OUT OF THIS GROUP! Mark: Howard, that was Studebacher Hoch, dressed up like Jim Pons, giving career guidance to the bass player of a rock-oriented comedy group. Jeff's imagination has gone beyond the fringe of audience comprehension. Howard: Jeff, Jeff, it's me, the Phlorescent Leech! Mark: Jeff, Jeff, it's me, Eddie! WOWWWW! WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THIS ELIXIR! Mark: (right channel) Put it on your steaks, uh, send it overseas, [...] ground, and put it on you surfboard so you won't slip off. Try it on your [Jim Bean Boy], and on the, the red balloons, you can blow up all balloons with it. Put it on your . . . heh . . . on . . . on your pizzas. Put it on your shoes, tie your bike with it, and fill up your tires with it. Howard: (center) Use it to clean your swimming pool, sell it to your mother and tell her it's a Rit tie-dye kit, you won't even believe what'll happen when you starch your shirt with it, ironing goes easier and your car windows never looked better in your whole life. Ladies and gentlemen, you can inhale it, and it makes your voice three keys higher, and you can't even stand what happens when you put it on your hair, as hair tonic. Heh, heh. And if you ever tried it as a . . . Jim Pons: (left channel) Soak your shirts in it, soak your teeth in it. Let it play the piano. Follow it around the block. Wear it instead of jeans. Bathe your puppies with it. Feed it to your ducks. Use it instead of chlorine in your swimming pool. Breathe it. Love it. What? WOWWWWWW! What can I? WOWWWWWW! What? What can I say about this? WOWWWWWW!

I'm stealing the room! I'm stealing the room! Chorus: Stealing the room Stealing the Stealing the room (Stealing the room) I'm I'm (Stealing) Stealing Stealing I'm I'm Stealing 4. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy includes a quote from Tell Me You Love Me Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car? Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car? She's such a dignified lady She's so pretty and soft You can't call her a groupie It just pisses her off (Yeah) She got diamonds and jewelry She got lotsa new clothes She ain't hurtin' for money So that everyone knows That she knows what she wants Knows what she likes Daddy, daddy, daddy . . . oooh! Daddy, daddy, daddy . . . oooh! Daddy, daddy, daddy Look out . . . she's got her eyes on you

3. Does This Kind Of Life Look Interesting To You? Dwee-doo dee-ooo-poo Pa-dan! Jeff: Does this kind of life look interesting to you? Night after night, dinners with Herb Cohen. Thrill-packed, fun-filled evenings on the French Riviera at the MIDEM convention. A fake tie, the whole bit. Watch Mutt eat, and Leon feed the geese. One thousand green business cards, with your name and the wrong address. Plus six royalty statements, inspected and customized by ran toon tan han toon frammet and dee. Followed by twelve potential suicides as the members of your group, past and present, find out they can't collect unemployment. A dog, a car, an epidemic of, body lice with your own record company, your name on the door, electric buzzer to the inner office, and Ona's tits, and a three month supply of German bookings with tickets on Air Rangoon. Does this kind of life look interesting to you? As a fake rock and roll guitar player in a comedy group? Hunna hunna hunna 200 Motels 200 Motels Ran toon han toon Han-toon-hannnnnn! 200 Motels Jeff: I'm stealing the room!

She left her place after midnight (La la la la la) And she drove to the club (La la la la-ee-ah!) You know that her and her partner (La la la la la) Came here lookin' for love (La la la la-ee-ah!) They want a guy from a group (La la la la la) Got a thing in a charts (La la la la-ee-ah!) IF HIS DICK IS A MONSTER IF HIS DICK IS A MONSTER IF HIS DICK IS A MONSTER They will give him their hearts 'Cause they know what they want (Do it, d'ya wanna-wanna?) And they know what they like Daddy, daddy, daddy . . . oooh! Daddy, daddy, daddy . . . oooh! Daddy, daddy, daddy Look out . . . they got their eyes on you FAM-BAM-YAK-A-TA-TAHHH! They know what they want Know what they like Daddy, daddy, daddy . . . oooh! Daddy, daddy, daddy . . . oooh!

Daddy, daddy, daddy Awright, you got 'em screamin' all night (La la la la la) Screamin' all night Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car? (Do it, do it, d'ya wanna-wanna do it, do it?) It's a Bentley! (Ooh!) Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car? (Do it, do it, d'ya wanna-wanna do it, do it?) [...] (Ooh!) Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car? (Do it, do it, d'ya wanna-wanna do it, do it?) It's a Chevy! (Ooh!) Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car? (Do it, do it, d'ya wanna-wanna do it, do it?) Or a Lincoln! (Ooh!) Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car? (Do it, do it, d'ya wanna-wanna do it, do it?) ['Cause they're dancin'!] (Ooh!) Ooo-ooo . . . 5. Penis Dimension Playground Psychotics Penis dimension Penis dimension Penis dimension is worrying me I can't hardly sleep at night 'Cause of penis dimension Do you worry? Do you worry a lot? No! Do you worry? Do you worry and moan . . . That the size of your cock is not monstrous enough? It's your penis dimension! Penis dimension! Howard: Wah ooo-wah ooo-wah ooo-wah Wah ooo-wah ooo-wah ooo-wah Mark: Hiya friends. Now just be honest about it. Did you ever consider the possiblity that your penis, and in the case of many dignified ladies, that the size of the titties themselves might provide elements of sub-conscious tension? Weird, twisted anxieties that could force a human being to have to become a politician! A policeman! A jesuit monk Howard?: [...] Mark: A rock and roll guitar player! A wino! You name it. Or in the case of the ladies, the ones that can't afford a silicone BEEF-UP, they become writers of hot books Howard: "Manuel, the gardener, placed his burning phallus in her quivering quim." Mark: Yes, or they become Carmelite nuns! Howard: "Gonzo, the lead guitar player, placed his mutated member in her slithering slit." Ha ha ha! Ooh . . . Mark: Or race horse jockeys. There is no reason why you or your loved ones should suffer. Things are bad enough, without the size of your organ adding even more misery to the TROUBLES OF THE WORLD!

Howard: Right on, right on! Mark: Now, if you're a lady and you've got munchkin tits, you can console yourself with this age-old line from primary school: Mark & Howard: ANYTHING OVER A MOUTHFUL IS WASTED! YES! Mark: And isn't it the truth? And if you're a guy, and one night you're at a party and you're trying to be cool, I mean, you aren't even wearing any underwear, you're being so cool, and somebody hits on you one night, and he looks you up and down and he says, uh . . . Howard: Eight inches or less? Mark: Well let me tell you, brothers, that's the time when you've got to turn around and look that sonofabitch right between the eyes, and you got to tell him these words: 6. What Will This Evening Bring Me This Morning What will this evening Bring me this morning? What will this evening Bring me this morning? Dawn will arrive Without any warning What will I say The next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (If things go all right!) What will I say The next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (Will she be outasite?) What will this evening Bring me this morning? What will this evening Bring me this morning? A succulent fat one A mod little flat one Maybe a hot one (to give me the clap!) Maybe a freak who gets off with a strap What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) If things go right! (If things go right!) What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) Will she be outasite? (Will she be outasite?) What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) If things go right! (If things go right!) What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) Will she be outasite? (Will she be outasite?) What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) If things go right! (If things go right!) What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) Will she be outasite? (Will she be outasite?)

What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) If things go right! (If things go right!) What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) Will she be outasite? (Will she be outasite?)

Mark: Do you really wanna please me? Howard: Well, you know I do, babe Mark: Well, tell me why you do it I really wanna know

What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) If things go right! (If things go right!)

Howard: Oh, no, no, it wouldn't be right For me to tell you tonight

What will I say the next day . . .

Mark: You better tell me right away Or I'll pack up and go!

7. A Nun Suit Painted On Some Old Boxes Why don't you strap on this here bunch Of cardboard boxes, daddy-o? Joy of my desiring You'll certainly look suave and get me hot Hot, hot, get me hot and Horny (Ow!) If there's one thing I really get off on (YOINNNNG!) It's a nun suit painted on some old boxes Some old melodies 4/4 An aura An areola Pink gums Stumpy gray teeth Dental floss Gets me hot Wanna watch a dental hygiene movie? 8. Magic Fingers 200 Motels Halloween You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Ooh, the way you love me, lady, I get so hard now I could die Ooh, the way you love me, sugar, I get so hard now I could die Open up your pocketbook, Get another quarter out, Drop it in the meter, mama Try me on for size Open up your pocketbook, Get another quarter out, Drop it in the meter, mama Try me on for size Ooh, the way you squeeze me, baby, Red balloons just pop behind my eyes Ooh, the way you squeeze me, girl, Red balloons just pop behind my eyes Open up your pocketbook, Get another quarter out, Drop it in the meter, mama Try me on for size Open up your pocketbook, Get another quarter out, Drop it in the meter, mama Try me on for size

Howard: Don't get mad It ain't no big thing Mark: You better tell me right away, Don't you treat me cold Howard: HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT! Well, there are a lot of reasons why I'd . . . I'd drag a girl such as yourself back to this . . . plastic hotel room and . . . rip you off for spare change to run a . . . to run a vibrating machine attached to this queen-size, bulk-purchase, kapok-infested, do-not-remove-tag-underpenalty-of-law type bed and . . . and make you take off all your little clothes . . . until you were nearly STARK RAVING NUDE! (Save for your chrome-with-heavy-duty-leather-thong Peace Medallion, heh . . . ) And make you assume a series of marginally erotic poses involving . . . a plastic chair and . . . an old guitar strap while I . . . did a wee-wee in your hair and . . . beat you with a pair of tennis shoes . . . I got from Jeff Beck 9. Motorhead's Midnight Ranch

10. Dew On The Newts We Got Dew On the newts we got Newt money dew It's a payment on the rental for the dewy little Newts we got We got 'em dewy Left 'em in the yard all night Hope they didn't get uptight The little vixens The saucy little vixens I hope they didn't get pissed off I hope That they did not Did not I hope That they did not Dash off Into the night 11. The Lad Searches The Night For His Newts Blorp Blorp

The lad searches the night for his newts Blorp

Narrator: How do you like it?

Blorp

Chorus: Dog breath?

12. The Girl Wants To Fix Him Some Broth Narrator: The girl wants to fix him some broth. Soprano: Tinsel cock! Chorus: Doo-wee-do Tinsel cock, my baby Soprano: Would you like some broth? Narrator: Some nice soup Chorus: YUM! Soprano: Some hot broth? Narrator: Small dogs in it Chorus: Doggies! Soprano: Yooooouuuu . . . Do you? Narrator: You like broth? Chorus: Doo-wadnum! Narrator: Dog broth? Soprano: Hot broth? Chorus: Hot dog broth? Narrator: You like dog broth hot? Soprano: Hot dog debris Chorus: DEBRIS! Soprano: Dog debris!

Soprano: Doo doo Narrator: Debris of the four styles offered Chorus: DOG BROTH? DOG BREATH BROTH? Narrator: Debris, broth, breath, And the ever popular hygienic European version Tinsel cock! Chorus: Tinsel cock! Narrator: Which do you choose? 13. The Girl's Dream Soprano: Oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh Narrator: The girl . . . Chorus: Duh girl wants to fix him some broth Narrator: In a statement to the press . . . Chorus: Duh-D-Duhhh! Narrator: Explains . . . 14. Little Green Scratchy Sweaters & Courduroy Ponce Broth reminds me of nuns (Nuns) I see them smashing (Kids) With rulers Disciplining munchkin cretins (Munchkin cretins) Tortured munchkins (Munchkin cretins) Tortured munchkins Irish Catholic victims Little green scratchy sweaters (Sweaters) Little green scratchy ones (Courduroy pants) Brown courduroy ponce (Doo-ahh) Courduroy ponce And green scratchy munchkin

Irish Catholic victims (Munch-kins Munch-a-kins) Munchkins get me hot Munchkins get me, get me hot

Theodore Bikel: It's been swell havin' you with us tonight, folks!

Hot! Gets her real hot

Mark: But, don't leave the theater yet, 'cause there's still more to come, but before we go on, I want to introduce to you my friend and musical associate, Howard Kaylan, who's going to give us all a final closing benediction

15. Strictly Genteel

The Finale

Orchestral Favorites You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II Make A Jazz Noise Here Theodore Bikel: This, as you might have guessed, is the end of the movie. The entire cast is assembled here at the Centerville Recreational Facility to bid farewell to you, and to express thanks for your attendance at this theater. This might seem old fashioned to some of you, but I'd like to join in on this song. It's the kind of a sentimental song that you get at the end of a movie, it's the kind of a song that people might sing to let you in the audience know that we really like you and care about you, yeah . . . Understand how hard it is to laugh these days, with all the terrible problems in the world! Lord, have mercy on the people in England For the terrible food these people must eat (Errrr . . . excuse me) And may the Lord have mercy on the fate of this movie And God bless the mind of the man in the street Help all the rednecks and the flatfoot policemen Through the terrible functions they all must perform God help the winos, the junkies, and the weirdos And every poor soul who's adrift in the storm. Help everybody, so they all get some action Some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction Phyllis Bryn-Julson: A room and a meal And a garbage disposal A lawn and a hose'll Be strictly genteel Reach out your hand to the girl in the dog book The girl in the pig book, and the one with the horse Make sure they keep all those businessmen happy And the purple-lipped censors and the Germans of course Help everybody, so they all get some action Some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction A Swedish apparatus With a hood and a bludgeon With a microwave oven "Honey, how do it feel?" Lord, have mercy on the hippies and faggots And the dykes and the weird little children they grow Help the black man Help the poor man Help the milk man Help the door man Help the lonely, neglected old farts that I know

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 They're gonna clear out the studio They're gonna tear down all the . . . They're gonna whip down all the . . . They're gonna sweep out all the . . . They're gonna pay off all the . . . (Oh, yeah!) And then . . . And then . . . And then . . . And then . . . Hey hey hey, everybody in the orchestra and the chorus Talkin' 'bout every one of our lovely and talented dancers Talkin' 'bout the light bulb men Camera men The make-up men (The fake-up men) Yeah, the rake-up men (Especially Herbie Cohen, yeah . . .) They're all gonna rise up They're gonna jump up I said jump up Talkin' 'bout jump right up and off the floor Jump right up and hit the door They're all gonna rise up and jump off! They're gonna ride on home They're gonna ride on home They're gonna ride on home They're gonna ride on home And once again Take themselves Seriously, yeeeah! Two, three, four, seriously They're all gonna go home (ye-hey!) Through the driving sleet and rain They're all gonna go home Through the fog, through the dust Through the tropical fever and the blistering frost They're all gonna go home And get out of it as they can be, baby And the same goes for me (The same goes for me) Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! And each and every member of this rock oriented comedy group in his own special way Is gonna get out of it as he can be We all gonna get wasted We all gonna get twisted We all gonna get wasted We all gonna get twisted And I am definitely gonna get . . . REAMED 'Cause I'm such a lonely I'm such a lonely A lonely, lonely, talkin' 'bout a lonely guy! Oh, and I know tonight, I am definitely . . .

I am positively . . . I just have to get . . . BENT, REAMED AND WASTED JCB: A disaster area the size of Atlantic City, New Jersey! Howard: He's making me do this, ladies and gentlemen. I wouldn't do it if it weren't for him. You noticed, all through this material, I've been glancing over toward my left? Well, I'll tell you the reason for that, ladies and gentlemen. HE is over there. HE is over on the left. HE is the guy that is making me do all this shit. Right over there. Now all through this movie, every time we've been on stage, I've had to look over in that direction, right? You saw it . . . you know. Well that's 'cause HE's over there. I've got to watch him for signs. He jumps up and down like a jackass. I can't even believe the guy sometimes. But we gotta watch him. "After all," we said, "it's Frank's movie." Now, we're THE MOTHERS, but it's still Frank's movie. Let's say it, he got to paid for it, he rented the studio, had all these cheesy sets built . . . it's so moche! I can't even stand it . . . He's telling everybody, right now, right over there, to . . . 200 MOTELS PROMOTIONAL RADIO SPOTS: 16. Cut 1 "Coming Soon!..." Coming! Soon! To a theater or drive-in near you . . . Frank Zappa's incredible epic 200 MOTELS! See the Mothers of Invention! See Theodore Bikel! See Ringo Starr! See Keith Moon! Romance! Hot beats! Romance! Ah-hoo! Hot beats! Romance! Mystery! (You gotta show 'em funny cars, man) (Ah-hoo!) Funny cars!

Star-studded cast . . . And everything That's right, you heard right Frank Zappa's 200 Motels With the Mothers of Invention Theodore Bikel And Ringo Starr 200 Motels A United Artists release rated 'R' Under seventeen admitted with parent 18. CUT 3 "Coming Soon!..." Coming! Soon! To a theater or drive-in near you! Frank Zappa's epic motion picture 200 Motels! See the Mothers of Invention! See Theodore Bikel! See Ringo Starr! See Keith Moon! See groupies and weirdos beyond your wildest expectations! 200 Motels, you can't believe the expense The lavishness The romance The intrigue The mystery The ah-ooh, 200 Motels Coming soon to a theater or drive-in near you A United Artists release rated 'R' Under seventeen admitted with parent 19. CUT 4 "Frank Zappa's 200 Motels..." 200 Motels Frank Zappa's 200 Motels!

Help everybody, so they all get some action Some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction That's right, you heard right Frank Zappa's 200 Motels With the Mothers of Invention Theodore Bikel And Ringo Starr 200 Motels A United Artists release rated 'R' Under seventeen admitted with parent 17. CUT 2 "The Wide Screen Erupts..." Murakami Wolf/Bizarre productions present: 200 Motels The Wide Screen erupts with absurdities, explodes with spine tingling psychological terror. The mere human mind buggles at the philosophical implications as FRANK ZAPPA'S 200 MOTELS is unleashed in the totality of its pagan splendor. Its primordial fury.

A United Artists release rated 'R' Under seventeen admitted with parent 20. Magic Fingers (Single Edit) 200 Motels You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Ooh, the way you love me, lady, I get so hard now I could die Ooh, the way you love me, sugar, I get so hard now I could die Open up your pocketbook, Get another quarter out, Drop it in the meter, mama Try me on for size Open up your pocketbook, Get another quarter out, Drop it in the meter, mama Try me on for size Ooh, the way you squeeze me, baby, Red balloons just pop behind my eyes Ooh, the way you squeeze me, girl, Red balloons just pop behind my eyes

Open up your pocketbook, Get another quarter out, Drop it in the meter, mama Try me on for size Open up your pocketbook, Get another quarter out, Drop it in the meter, mama Try me on for size Mark: Do you really wanna please me? Howard: Well, you know I do, babe Mark: Well, tell me why you do it I really wanna know

Howard: Oh, no, no, it wouldn't be right For me to tell you tonight Mark: You better tell me right away Or I'll pack up and go! Howard: Don't get mad It ain't no big thing Mark: You better tell me right away, Don't you treat me cold Howard: HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT!

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz Original transcription from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage with corrections from Arf: Notes & Comments Except "Lonesome Cowboy Burt" and "She Painted Up Her Face" from The Real Frank Zappa Book Further corrections and additions by Román, Fast Frank, Biffyshrew, Tom Grose, Patrick Neve, Charles Ulrich and Stu Mark

Just Another Band From L.A. (Las Mothers, March 1972) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Billy The Mountain 24:47 Call Any Vegetable 7:22 Eddie, Are You Kidding? (Seiter/Volman/Kaylan/FZ) 3:09 Magdalena (Kaylan/FZ) 6:24 Dog Breath 3:38 Pauley Pavilion, UCLA, California August 7, 1971 Produced by Frank Zappa Cover by Cal Schenkel Burger by Sherm Thompson Cholo by Limon The Mothers exist of: Frank Zappa Guitar & Vocals Mark Volman Lead Vocals Howard Kaylan Lead Vocals Ian Underwood Winds, Keyboards & Vocals Aynsley Dunbar Drums Don Preston Keyboards & Minimoog Jim Pons Bass & Vocals

1. Billy The Mountain Playground Psychotics includes quotes from Pomp and Circumstance March No. 1 in D major (Edward Elgar), Johnny's Theme (Paul Anka), Off We Go Into The Wild Blue Yonder (Crawford), O Mein Papa (Paul Burkhard), Over The Rainbow (Harburg/Arlen), Star-Spangled Banner (Smith/Key), Suite: Judy Blue Eyes (Stephen Stills) One, two, three . . . BILLY the Mountain BILLY the Mountain A regular picturesque Postcardy mountain Residing between lovely Rosamond and Gorman With his stunning wife ETHELL, A tree! A tree! BILLY was a mountain ETHELL was a tree Growing off of his shoulder BILLY was a mountain (BILLY was a mountain!) ETHELL was a tree Growing off of his shoulder (ETHELL was a tree growing off of his shoulder) (hey, hey hey!) Billy had two big Caves for eyes, With a cliff for a jaw That would go up 'n down, And whenever it did, He'd puff out some dust, And hack up a boulder (HACK!) Hack up a boulder (HACK! HACK!) Hack up a boulder (HACK! HACK! HACK!) Up a boulder Now, one day, now I believe it was on a Tuesday, a man in a checkered double-knit suit drove up in a large El Dorado Cadillac, leased from BOB SPREEN . . . ("Where the freeways meet in Downey!") . . . And he laid a HUGE, BULGING ENVELOPE right at the corner of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, that was right where his 'foot' was supposed to be. Now, BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, he couldn't believe it! All those postcards he'd posed for, for ALL OF THOSE YEARS, and finally, now, AT LAST, his Royalties! Royalties! Royalties . . .

Royalties! Royalty check is in, honey! Yes, BILLY THE MOUNTAIN was RICH! Yes, and his eyeballcaves, they widened in amazement, and his jaw (which was a cliff), well it dropped thirty feet! A bunch of dust puffed out! Rocks and boulders hacked up, (hack! hack!) crushing 'The LINCOLN'! I gave him the money He acted real funny He hocked up a rock and It TOTALLED my car! Oh, do you Know any trucks Might be bound for THE VALLEY? I don't wanna stand here All night in this bar (Dear Lord) I don't wanna stand here All night in this bar (No shit!) I don't wanna stand here All night in this bar! By two o'clock, when the bars are already closed down, BILLY had broken 'THE BIG NEWS' to ETHELL. And with dust and boulders everywhere, BILLY, choked with excitement, announced . . . "ETHELL, we're going on a VACATION!" Yes, and they WERE going on a vacation! (Oh, and ETHELL, ETHELL, ETHELL, like every little woman, she of course was very excited! She creaked a little bit, and some old birds flew off of her.) BILLY told ETHELL they were going to . . . Yes! They were going to NEW YORK! "ETHELL, we're going to . . . New York!" But first they were gonna stop in LAS VEGAS . . . It's off to LAS VEGAS to check out the lounges Pull a few handles, And drink a few beers, (Oh, ETHELL!) ETHELL, my darling, you know that I love you! I'm glad we could have a Vacation this year! (Oh, NEET-O!) Glad we could have a Vacation this year! They left that night, crunchin' across the Mojave Desert . . . their voices echoing through the canyons of your minds (POO-AAH!)

"ETHELL, wanna get a cuppa cawfee?" (Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's!) "Ahhh! there's a HOWARD JOHNSONS! Wanna eat some CLAMS?" The first noteworhty piece of real estate they destroyed was EDWARDS AIR FORCE BASE . . . And TO THIS VERY DAY, 'Wing Nuts' and Data Reduction Clerks alike, speak in reverent whispers about that fateful night when TEST STAND #1 and THE ROCKET SLED ITSELF . . . (We have ignition!) . . . got LUNCHED! I said LUNCHED! (Lunched!) By a FAMOUS MOUNTAIN-IN and his SMALL, WOODEN WIFE. "Word just in to the KTTV News Service undeniably links THIS MOUNTAIN and HIS WIFE to drug abuse and pay-offs as part of a San Joaquin Valley SMUT RING! However, we can assure parents in the Southern California area that a recent NARCOTICS CRACKDOWN, in Torrance, Hawthorne, Lomita, Westchester, Playa Del Rey, Santa Monica, Tujunga, Sunland, San Fernando, Pacoima, Sylmar, Newhall, Canoga Park, Palmdale, Glendale, Irwindale, Rolling Hills, Granada Hills, Shadow Hills,Cheviot Hills, will provide the SECRET EVIDENCE the Palmdale Grand Jury has needed to seek a CRIMINAL INDICTMENT, and pave the way for STIFFER LEGISLATION, increased FEDERAL AID, and AVERT A CRIPPLING STRIKE of Bartenders and Veterinarians throughout the INLAND EMPIRE . . . " WITHIN THE WEEK, Jerry Lewis had hosted a Telethon ("Wah wah wah, nice lady!") to raise funds for the injured (injured . . . ) and homeless (homeless . . . ) in Glendale, as BILLY had just levelled it, and, a few miles right outside of town, BILLY caused a 'Oh Mein Papa' in the Earth's crust, right over the SECRET UNDERGROUND DUMPS (right near the 'Jack-In-The-Box' on Glenoaks) where they keep the POOLS OF OLD POISON GAS, and OBSOLETE GERM BOMBS, just as a FREAK TORNADO cruised through . . . Yes, it was about three o'clock in the afternoon when little Howard Kaplan was sitting on his porch ( "Toto . . . !") just playing ( "Come on, Toto . . . !") and having a nice time with his little accordion ("Toto . . . !"), and this weird wind came up ("Toto . . . !"), direct from Glendale ("Toto . . . ! Toto . . . !"), blowing these terrible germs in his direction ("Come here, Toto . . . !"), and all of this caused ("Toto . . . !") by a huge mountain ("Aunty Em!")! "Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly . . . " . . . sucking up two thirds of it (SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!) for UNTIMELY DISPERSAL over VAST STRETCHES of WATTS!!! Now, unless I misunderstood, it was right outside of Columbus, Ohio when BILLY received his NOTICE TO REPORT for his INDUCTION PHYSICAL. Now, lemme tell ya, ETHELL said, now ETHELL, ETHELL said she wasn't gonna let him go! "I'm not gonna let you go, BILLY!" "THAT'S RIGHT! We now have CONFIRMED REPORTS from an INFORMED ORANGE COUNTY MINISTER, that ETHELL is still an ACTIVE COMMUNIST, and it is This Reporter's Opinion that she also practices (COVEN!) WITCH-CRAFT!" It was about this time that the telephone rang inside of the SECRET BRIEFCASE belonging to THE ONE MORTAL MAN who might

be able to stop all of this senseless destruction and save 'AMERICA HERSELF'! (And I'm sorry to disappoint some of you, it was not Chief Reddin) This one MAN was STUDEBAKER HOCH, fantastic new SUPER HERO of the CURRENT ECONOMIC SLUMP. (Oh) Now, some folks say he looked like (he was like, he was like) ZUBIN MEHTA (Zubin Mehta); still others say (others say he), bullshit, honey (bullshit, man) he's just another greasy guy who happened to be born next to the Frozen Beef Pies at BONEY'S MARKET. (Others say he was just a, just a) Still others say, John, piss on you, Jack! (crazy Italian) He's just a crazy Italian who drove a RED CAR. You see (nobody knows for sure 'cause he was so), nobody ever really knew for sure, because STUDEBAKER was so-oo-o-o-o mysterious (mysterious) . . . HE WAS SO (He was so, he was so!) MYSTERIOUS! HE WAS SO (He was so, he was so!) MYSTERIOUS! 'Cuz when a person gets to be Such a HERO, folks, And MARVELOUS BEYOND COMPUTE, You can never REALLY TELL About a GUY LIKE THAT (Whether he's really a NICE PERSON Or if he just SMILES A LOT), (What?) Or if he has a son named 'PINOCCHIO', Or what? Whether he's really a NICE PERSON or if he has a son named 'PINOCCHIO' or what? Some men say he could FLY Some men say he could SWIM Others say he could SING (like NEIL SEDAKA), And all the girls in FLUSHING Would be AMAZED of HIM (Two, Three!) AMAZED of HIM! (Amazed!) (Amazed!) Time passes . . . January, February, March, July . . . Wednesday . . . August . . . Irwindale . . . . . . 2:30 in the afternoon, Sunday, Monday . . . Funny Cars! Walnut! Friday City of Industry . . . Big John Mazmanian! So when the phone rang In the secret briefcase, A strong masculine hand With a Dudley Do-Right wristwatch And flexy bracelet GRABBED IT And answered In a deep, calmly assured voice: "So . . . ah . . . yeah, yeah, hello already . . . what? . . . Well, yeah? . . . Ah, are you kidding . . . ? You're not kidding . . . a mountain . . . ? With a tree growing off of its shoulder . . . ? Aw, you're fulla shit,

man . . . ah, listen, by the way, before I go on; did you get those white albums I sent ya with the pencil on the front . . . ? Yeah . . . ? Yeah, you should move some of those for me, we're having a lot of . . . listen, so kiss little Jakee on the head . . . and, ah, how's your wife's hemorrhoids? Oh, that's too bad . . . Listen . . . so you've got a mountain, with a tree, listen, causing . . . oh, my! Well, let me write this down . . . sorta take a few notes here . . . yeah . . . ? To El Segundo, huh? Causing UNTOLD DESTRUCTION? . . . oh . . . God . . . That's terrible! . . . (my baby, my baby) Wanted for DRAFT EVASION? An expense account? And per diem, too?" SOME MEN SAY HE COULD DANCE! They said he could DANCE, and, of course, THEY were right! Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it: THE STUDEBAKER HOCH DANCING LESSON & COSMIC PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE featuring Aynsley Dunbar, hit it! Hey! Twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly! Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore . . . Hey! RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH LEFT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH LEFT HAND FROM THE LEFT SHOULDER TO THE HEART-Uh

Boldly springing into action, he phoned his wife (who ran a modeling school), WHEREUPON HE . . . yes, HE ran around the back of 'THE BROADWAY' at Hollywood Boulevard and Vine to see if he could find himself some big large, un-used cardboard boxes (no shit!) After which, he hit up the RALPH'S on Sunset for some 'AUNT JEMIMA SYRUP', some 'KAISER BROILER FOIL', and a pair of blunt scissors! Hey-hey! Yes! Yes, and in the parking lot of RALPH'S, where "no prices are lower prices than RALPH'S," in the parking lot of RALPH'S (in between a pair of customized trucks where nobody was looking), he cut out some really, really, really NICE WINGS, and he covered them thoroughly with foil! Thorough-LY wi-TH (e-e-e-e-e) FOIL-L-L! Then he took those 'WINGS' and wedged one under each of his powerful arms and sneaked into a telephone booth . . . YES!! Yes! And then he SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR! And he pulled down his blue denim policeman type trouser pants, and he spread even amounts of AUNT JEMIMA maple syrup all over the inside of his legs! Soon the booth was filling with flies!

Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore . . . (Help me, help me, help me!) NOBODY can DANCE like STUDEBAKER HOCH! So many rumors have spread about STUDEBAKER HOCH! (A rumor . . . a rumor . . . ) Consider this rumor (a rumor . . . ), which was published (a rumor . . . ) about three weeks ago in ROLLING STONE! Oh, it's gotta be true!

He held open the legs of his boxer shorts so they could all get in (Yes! Yeah!), and when each and every one of those little cocksuckin' flies had gone into his pants, and they were lapping up all that maple syrup, he bent over and he put his head between his legs and he said in a very clear, impressive, RON HUBBARD-type voice . . .

STUDEBAKER HOCH can write THE LORD'S Prayer on the head of a pin!

"NEW YORK!"

"NO!"

. . . and the booth and everything lifted up, out of the parking lot, and into the sky!

Do-do-do-do-do, Doot-doot-do DO DO DO! Do-do-do-do-do, Doot-doot-do DO! etc.

STUDEBAKER HOCH YEAH, YEAH STUDEBAKER HOCH STU-DE-BAKER HOCH!

(I'm so HIP!) BEEF PIES! He was born next to the BEEF PIES, Underneath JONI MITCHELL'S autographed picture, Right beside ELLIOT ROBERTS' big Bank Book, Next to the boat Where CROSBY flushed away all his stash And the cops Got him in the boat and drove away To THE CAN Where Neil Young slipped another disc FROZE-ing by the PIES! FROZE-ing by the PIES! FROZE-ing by the PIES!

STUDEBAKER HOCH YEAH, YEAH STUDEBAKER HOCH STU-DE-BAKER HOCH! He's coating his legs With AUNT JEMIMA syrup up and down! His shorts'll be filled with flies That will be buzzing all around! Stoodlabaker Hoch: He's really outa sight! Stoodlabaker Hoch: He does it every night! Stoodlabaker Hoch: He treats the flies all right STOODLA-BAKER HOCH That's why they never bite, hey!

(And that was the main influence on HIM!) The influence of a Frozen Beef Pie!

(Please to New York! Fly to New York!)

He could be a DOG Or a FROG Or a LESBIAN QUEEN!

DON'T FUCK AROUND! DON'T FUCK AROUND! DON'T FUCK AROUND! DON'T FUCK AROUND!

(Fly to New York!) With He could be a NARK Or a LADY MARINE! Or he might play dirty! He's OVER THIRTY! (Getting old? Say! I don't know!) His peculiar attire And the flies he require Keep leading him on 'Cause ETHELL is gone They keep leading him on 'Cause ETHELL is gone And THE MOUNTAIN she's on And speaking of mountains, we'll join STUDEBAKER HOCH on the edge of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN's mouth. Take it away: "Ah . . . ya, ya, ya, hey-ah BILLY, ah, listen . . . I've come to REASON with you! Our GREAT COUNTRY needs you in the Armed Forces! Your NUMBER came up . . . you can't go on running like this forever." Oh! But ETHELL just shook her twigs angrily, but STUDEBAKER HOCH, calm, cool, collected, and UN-ferturbed, continued . . . "Ya, well listen, you (cough cough) . . . listen, you COMMUNIST SON-OF-A-BITCH! You better get your ass down there for your fuckin' physical, or I'll see to it that you get used for FILL DIRT in some impending New Jersey MARSH RECLAMATION . . . and your girl-friend there will wind up disguised as a series of brooms, primitive ironing boards (or a DOG HOUSE) . . . get the (cough, cough), GET THE PICTURE?" Yeah, well, BILLY just laughed: "HO, HO, HO! If they think they're gonna draft ME, they're CRAZY!" Unfortunately, because STUDEBAKER HOCH was standing on the edge of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN's mouth when the giant mountain laughed, STUDEBAKER HOCH lost his footing and fell, screaming, two hundred feet into the rubble below! "Aaahhhhh . . . oh fuck, I'm gonna need a TRUSS . . . " Oh, listen, that only goes to show you, and it'll show you once again that . . . A Mountain is something You don't wanna fuck with You don't wanna fuck with Don't fuck around (Don't fuck around) Don't fuck with BILLY (No!) And don't fuck with ETHELL (You saw what just happened To the guy with the flies!) DON'T FUCK AROUND! DON'T FUCK AROUND! DON'T FUCK AROUND!

Biddilly, Biddilly Biddilly, Biddilly, Biddilly BIDDILLY THE MOUNTIN-INNNNNNN! (Eddie, are you kidding?) Eddie, are you kidding? FZ: Oh, I forgot to mention this is where we take our intermission, we'll see you in a few minutes . . . (Thank you!) FZ: We'll be back! 2. Call Any Vegetable Absolutely Free Mothermania Playground Psychotics includes quotes from The Planets Suite (Gustav Holst), God Bless America (Irving Berlin) and America The Beautiful (Ward/Bates) Call any vegetable Call it by name You gotta call one today When you get off the train Call any vegetable And the chances are good Yeah-eh-hey, the vegetable will respond to you La-la-ah la-la, the vegetable will respond to you La-la-ah la-la . . . oh Call any vegetable Pick up your phone Think of a vegetable Lonely at home Call any vegetable And the chances are good Yeah-eh-hey, the vegetable will respond to you La-la-ah la-la, the vegetable will respond to you La-la-ah la-la . . . Ruta-bay-ay-ayga, Ruta-bay-ay-ayga, Ruta-bay-ay-ayga, Ruta-bay-ay-ayga, Ruta-bayyyyy . . . No one will know If you don't want to let 'em know No one will know 'Less it's you that might tell 'em so Call and they'll come to you Smiling and covered with dew Vegetables dream, Vegetables dream, Vegetables dream, Of responding to you

Standing there shiny and proud by your side Holding your joint while the neighbors decide Why is a vegetable something to hide? To hide! To hide! To hide! Shoo-shoo Shoo-shoo Shoo-shoo Shoo-shoo . . . FZ: You know, a lot of people don't bother about their friends in the vegetable kingdom. They, they think: What can I say? Some times they think: Where can I go? Howard: Where can I go to get my poodle clipped in Burbank? Mark: At Ralph's vegetarian poodle clippin', where you can come this . . . Howard: Where can I go to get organic vaseline for my intercourse? Mark: At Bob and Ray's Swahili restaurant, where you can come this close . . . Howard: Where can I go to get my jeans embroidered in Fullerton? Mark: At Jeans, at Jeans North where nothing fits Howard: Where can I go to get my zipper repaired in Hollywood? Mark: Who gives a fuck anyway! Howard: Where can I go to get my speakers fixed? Mark: Hey . . . at Jack La . . . Howard: Where can I go to get my exit lights? Mark: At Jack La Lanne Hamburgers on 312 Whittier Boulevard Howard: Where can I go to get my stomach pumped? Where can I go to collapse? Mark: Adee do FZ: Questions, Questions, Questions, flooding into the mind of the concerned young person today. Ah, but it's a great time to be alive, ladies and gentlemen. And that's the theme of our program for tonight. It's so FUCKING GREAT to be alive! Is what the theme of our show is tonight, boys and girls. And I wanna tell ya, if there is anybody here who doesn't believe that it is FUCKING GREAT to be alive, I wish they would go now, because this show will bring them down so much . . . God bless America Land that I . . .

You threw it in a bag And then you sent me home-What!? Eddie, are you kidding? No, no! Eddie, are you kidding? No, no! Eddie, are you teasing About your rancid garments? Eddie, are you teasing About your sixty tailors? I'm coming over shortly Because I am a portly You promised you could fit me In a fifty dollar suit-Oh Eddie, are you kidding? No, no! Eddie, are you kidding? No, no! Howard: Eddie, my friends ask me, Eddie, Eddie, are you kidding? I wanna tell you something, my friends: I am not kidding. Here at Zachary All we have sixty tailors in the back room. We have the west's largest selections of portly's, regulars, longs, extra longs, and cadets. And my friends say to me: Eddie, Eddie, what do you think of the new Double Knits? Mark: Eddie, what do you think of the new Double Knits? Howard: And I tell them: I'll tell you something frankly, my friends-- When the new double knits first came out, I was not impressed. But as you can see, these pants I'm wearing are double knit. They stretch in all the right places. They're the most comfortable. Our model Twiggy here will demonstrate. I have this lovely little Seersucker . . . wait a minute WHERE CAN I GO IN GARDENA? AND WHERE CAN I GO IN L.A.? AND WHERE CAN I GO IN ROSEMONT? I NEED SOME THREADS TODAY

Call it direct, Call it collect, But call it today!

I need the knits The double knits I need the knits They are the pits I need the knits The double knits I'm coming over shortly Because I am a portly You promised you could fit me In a fifty dollar suit-Whew! Eddie, are you kidding? No, no! Eddie, are you kidding? No, no! Eddie, are you kidding? No, no! Eddie, are you kidding me? Eddie, are you kidding me? Eddie, are you kidding me?

3. Eddie, Are You Kidding? (Seiter/Volman/Kaylan/Zappa)

Howard: No, my friends, I'm not kidding, right here on the miracle mile we have the west's largest selections of . . .

Call any vegetable Call it by name You gotta call one today When you get off the train Call any vegetable And the chances are good OH! That the vegetable will RESPOND to you Mark: And if you're a consenting adult we want you to call today. In Los Angeles, the number is RIchmond 9-6135, in Downey, it's 347-8932.

includes a quote from 16 Candles (Dixon/Khent) Eddie, are you kidding? I've seen you on my TV Eddie, are you kidding? The people always ask me I saw your double knits I thought they were the pits

Portly, Regular, Cadet, Tall, And long

Howard: And not only that-- My brother Jake and Little Emil, and ... Sixty tailors! 4. Magdalena (Kaylan/Zappa) includes a quote from Violin Concerto in D (Stravinsky) Hey! Ha! Ooh! There was a man A little ole man Who lived in Montreal With a wife and a kid And a car and a house And a teenage daughter With a see-thru blouse Who loved to grunt and ball-And her name was Magdalena Magdalena . . . The little ole man Came home one night To his house in Montreal. He caught his daughter In the blouse by the light And he said to himself: "She looks all right!" And he reached for a tit And grabbed it tight And threw her up Against the wall (BLUE CROSS!) Magdalena . . . My daughter dear, do not be concerned When your Canadian daddy comes near. My daughter dear, do not be concerned When your Canadian daddy comes near. I work so hard, don't you understand Making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land. Do you have any idea? What that can do to a man? What that can do to a man? Do you have any idea? What that can do to a man? What that can do to a man? The little ole man With the grubby little hand Who lived in Montreal Was drooling a bit As he reached for her tit And he said to himself: "This is gonna be it!" But the girl turned around And said: "Go eat shit!" And ran on down the hall. Right on, Magdalena! My daughter dear, do not be concerned When your Canadian daddy comes near. My daughter dear, do not be concerned When your Canadian daddy comes near. I work so hard, don't you understand Making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land.

Do you have any idea? What that can do to a man? What that can do to a man? Do you have any idea? What that can do to a man? What that can do to a man? (Tell 'em!) Magdalena, don't you tease me like this Right in the hallway with your blouse and your tits If your mommy ever finds us like this She'll call a lawyer, oh how mom will be pissed DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH-WAH . . . Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena, Daughter of the smog-filled winds of Los Angeles, I'd like to take you in the closet and take off your little clothes until you are virtually stark raving nude, Spread mayonaise And kaopectate all over your body and take you down to Hollywood Boulevard and we can, We can walk down the streets by the stars that say Jon Provost and Leo G. Carroll together, baby. We can go dancing up at the Cinegrill Can't you see it: Frank Pernell and us, until dark, Don't you understand, my baby? I didn't mean, I didn't need, I mean, it was so hard for me, I just . . . I saw you standing under the Shell pest strip late last night, In the light, With your little nipples protruding through your little see-thru thingie, and I just said, "My god, My god, I gave my sperm to this thing!" And now I just, Oh, you got me so hard, I just, I don't know what to do, Magdalena, don't you understand? So I grabbed you, but, But don't hold it against me, I mean, Your mom will never know, baby, and I wantcha to come back to me, I mean, do you understand me? I want you to . . . I'm down on my knees to ya, Magdalena! I wantcha ta walk back to me, baby, I wantcha to turn around by the Sparkletts machine. That's it! That's it! In the little chartreuse hallway with the little neon Jesus picture on the wall, And I want you to step, baby, I want you to walk back in your five inch spike heels that you got at Frederick's, Same time you and your mommy got that crotchless underwear last year for Christmas, And I want you to stroll back to me, baby Walk back, baby, don'tcha understand me, baby? I want you to walk back I'm down on bended knees, baby I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I wanna take off your little training bra Don't you understand me? I'm gonna take off you little maroon hot pants I'm gonna get down on my knees, baby, dont'cha understand what I'm saying to you? Your mom will never know, she's playing bridge with the girls, And you and I . . . You and I go sucking som'thing, baby, It's just you and I, don'tcha understand? We can make love all night long, Nobody will ever know, Come on, Magdalena! Please, little girl, Walk back to your daddy, What did I do that was so wrong? My God, I was only following the sexual impulse like I heard on the Johnny Carson Show from a book or something I wrote, I didn't know what I was doing I got carried away

What can I say like, like . . . Walk back, baby, Come on, Oh, please, you gotta walk back, baby, walk back, Walk back to your daddy! Come on, Magdalena, to your daddy, baby, you gotta walk back, baby, walk back, Walk back, baby, walk back, Your mom will never know, Your mom will never know, Walk back, baby, walk back, Walk back, baby, walk back, Magdalena, come back, Come back to you daddy, Walk back, baby, Walk back, baby, Walk, Walk, Walk, Walk, WALK! Walk to your daddy, Come on down, stroll it around of me, I'm down on my knees, don't you understand? Your mom will never know, I told you so . . . (I love you, Magdalena!) You know what . . . I said . . . 5. Dog Breath Uncle Meat You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 The Yellow Shark Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-yah! Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-yah! Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-yah! Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-yah!

Primer mi carucha (Chevy '39) Going to El Monte Legion Stadium Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine) Helps me stealing hub caps Wasted all the time Fuzzy Dice (Fuzzy Dice) Bongos in the back My ship of love (My ship of love) Is ready to attack Buy me a carucha (Chevy '39) Going to El Monte Legion Stadium Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine) Helps me stealing hub caps Wasted all the time Fuzzy Dice (Fuzzy Dice) Bongos in the back My ship of love (My ship of love) Is ready to attack Won't you please hear my plea Won't you please hear my plea Hear my plea Hear my plea Hear my plea Hear my plea Yeah! Hear my plea Hear my plea Hear my plea Hear my plea Thank you very much! Yeah!

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Original transcription for "Billy The Mountain" from Them Or Us (The Book) The rest comes from the original albums Transcription for new material from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Corrections on spelling from Arf: Notes & Comments Further corrections and additions by Román, Daniel Wojcik, Hugh G. Rection, Stu Mark and Charles Ulrich.

Waka/Jawaka (Frank Zappa/Hot Rats, July 1972) 1. 2. 3. 4.

Big Swifty 17:22 Your Mouth 3:12 It Just Might Be A One-Shot Deal 4:16 Waka/Jawaka 11:19 Produced by Frank Zappa Paramount Studios, LA April-May, 1972 Engineered by Kerry McNab (Under the thoughtful supervision of Marshall Brevitz) Cover illustration by Marvin Mattelson (The idea for the sink courtesy Sal Marquez) Cover photo by Philip Schwartz Packaging by Cal Schenkel This album is dedicated to Paul Hof & Barry Keene

1. Big Swifty You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 Make A Jazz Noise Here Frank Zappa guitar & percussion Tony Duran slide guitar George Duke ring-modulated & echoplexed electric piano Sal Marquez many trumpets & chimes Erroneous electric bass Aynsley Dunbar drums

2. Your Mouth Frank Zappa guitar Tony Duran slide guitar George Duke tack piano Sal Marquez trumpet & vocal Kris Peterson vocal Joel Peskin tenor sax Mike Altschul baritone sax & piccolo Erroneous electric bass Aynsley Dunbar drums Your mouth is your religion You put your faith in a hole like that? You put your trust and your belief Above your jaw, and no relief Have I found I heard your story when you come home You said you went to see your sister last night Well, you might loose a bunch of teeth And find a funeral wreath While you'll be laying in the ground All alone So tell me where are you coming from With all them lies As you stumble in at the breakin' of the day. Where are you coming from, my shot-gun say Because it just might wanna blow you away 'Cause it just might wanna blow you away An evil woman, can make ya cry If you believe her every time she lies Well you can be a big fool If she makes you loose your cool, and so I've got me some advice you should try Just let her talk a little Oh, just let her talk a little more Just . . . just let her talk a little more And when she runs out of words Just say the same thing that I told you before Now tell me where are you coming from With all them lies

As you stumble in the breakin' of the day Where are you coming from, my shot-gun say Because it just might wanna blow you away 'Cause it just might wanna blow you away 'Cause it just might wanna blow you away 'Cause it just might wanna blow you away 'Cause it just might wanna blow you away 'Cause it just might wanna blow you away 3. It Just Might Be A One-Shot Deal Joe's Domage Frank Zappa acoustic guitar & electric bed springs Tony Duran slide guitar & vocal Jeff Simmons Hawaiian & vocal "Sneaky Pete" Kleinow pedal steel solo Sal Marquez trumpet & vocal Janet Ferguson vocal Erroneous electric bass & vocal Aynsley Dunbar drums, washboard & tambourine If the froggy come up A--with his satchel in his hand, Then he reach in the front And dump a mile of sand Across the rug, along the hall Up to the umbrella stand That you've been watchin' all the time Watchin' all the time And if a forest grows up From the dirt on the floor, That the frog with the satchel Had just dumped beside the door You're just startin' to get worried, You ain't going out no more And it's confusin' to your mind-Just consider this: You can be scared when it gets too real You can be scared when it gets too real But you should be diggin' it While it's happening (Yes! You should be diggin' it while it's happening!) 'Cause it just might be a one-shot deal You can be lost And you can wanna be found But keep an eye on that frog Whenever he jump around Just keep a--watchin' him You oughta be watchin' him Just keep a--watchin' him You wanna be askin' him (And see if he's brought along a little bag for you, rant!) 4. Waka/Jawaka QuAUDIOPHILIAc Frank Zappa guitar Don Preston piano & Mini Moog Sal Marquez trumpets, flugel horn & chimes

Bill Byers trombone & baritone horn Ken Shroyer trombone & baritone horn Mike Altschul piccolo, bass flute, bass clarinet, tenor

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Original transcription from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Further corrections and additions by Román, Konrad and Derek Milhouse Gilger

sax, baritone sax Erroneous electric bass, fuzz bass Aynsley Dunbar drums

The Grand Wazoo (The Mothers, November 1972) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

The Grand Wazoo 13:20 For Calvin (And His Next Two Hitch-Hikers) 6:06 Cletus Awreetus-Awrightus 2:57 Eat That Question 6:42 Blessed Relief 8:00 Produced by Frank Zappa Paramount Studios, Hollywood April-May, 1972 Engineer: Kerry McNab Special Technical Assistance: Paul Hof Cover Illustration: Cal Schenkel Photography: Barry Feinstein & Tony Esparza

1. The Grand Wazoo Joe's Domage includes a quote from The Streets Of Cairo (Thornton) WOODWINDS Mike Altschul Earle Dumler Tony "Bat Man" Ortega JoAnn Caldwell McNab Johnny Rotella Fred Jackson BRASS Sal Marquez (trumpet solo) Malcolm McNab Bill Byers (trombone solo) Ken Shroyer (contractor and spiritual guidance) Ernie Tack PERCUSSION Bob Zimmitti Alan Estes MINIMOOG Don Preston GUITARS Frank Zappa (opening solo) Tony Duran (bottle-neck solo) BASS Erroneous DRUMS Aynsley Dunbar

2. For Calvin (And His Next Two Hitch-Hikers) includes a quote from The Adventures Of Greggery Peccary VOCALS Janet Neville-Ferguson Sal Marquez WOODWINDS Mike Altschul Earle Dumler Tony "Bat Man" Ortega JoAnn Caldwell McNab Johnny Rotella Fred Jackson BRASS Sal Marquez Malcolm McNab Bill Byers Ken Shroyer Ernie Tack PERCUSSION Bob Zimmitti Alan Estes MINIMOOG Don Preston GUITARS Frank Zappa Tony Duran BASS

Erroneous DRUMS Aynsley Dunbar Where did they go? When did they come from? What has become of them now? How much was the leakage From the drain in the night And who are those dudes In the back seat of Calvin's car? Where did they go? When they got off the car? Did they go get a sandwich And eat in the dark? 3. Cletus Awreetus-Awrightus WOODWINDS Ernie Watts (sax solo) Mike Altschul BRASS Sal Marquez Ken Shroyer (multiple trombones) KEYBOARDS George Duke VOCALS "Chunky" George Duke Frank Zappa GUITAR Frank Zappa BASS Erroneous DRUMS Aynsley Dunbar La la-da-la-la-la la-da-la la la-la (La la la-la-la-la-la la la-la la-la-la la-la-la-la La-la la-la-la la-la la-la-la la-la la-la-la) Teeh tee-tee-tee-tee-teeh tee-tee-teeh yah-ho! (Pom-pom pom-pom-po-po-pom pom Po-po-po pom-pom bro-po-po-po-pom A-rum-pa-pom-pom a-rum-pa-pom-pom A-rum-pa-pom-pom) La la la la la la la la la la la la rum-pam! Rat-ta-da da-dah! 4. Eat That Question Make A Jazz Noise Here WOODWINDS Mike Altschul Joel Peskin BRASS Sal Marquez (multiple toots) KEYBOARDS George Duke PERCUSSION Frank Zappa Lee Clement (on gong)

GUITAR Frank Zappa BASS Erroneous DRUMS Aynsley Dunbar

5. Blessed Relief Joe's Domage

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Original transcription for Calvin from Warner Brothers Circular Corrections and additions by Román

WOODWINDS Mike Altschul Joel Peskin BRASS Sal Marquez KEYBOARDS George Duke RHYTHM GUITAR Tony Duran LEAD GUITAR Frank Zappa BASS Erroneous DRUMS Aynsley Dunbar

Over-Nite Sensation (The Mothers, September 1973) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

Camarillo Brillo 3:59 I'm The Slime 3:34 Dirty Love 2:58 Fifty-Fifty 6:10 Zomby Woof 5:10 Dinah-Moe Humm 6:02 Montana 6:33 Produced, arranged & conducted by Frank Zappa Recorded at Bolic Sound, Inglewood, CA; Whitney, Glendale, CA; and Paramount Studios, LA, CA March-June, 1973 Engineers: Barry Keene, Terry Dunavan, Fred Borkgren & Steve Desper Re-mix: Kerry McNab Technicians: Paul Hof, Jay "Dunt" Sloatman, Kanzas J. Canzus Cover illustration: David B. McMacken Graphics: Cal Schenkel Photography: Emerson-Loew Frank Zappa guitar & vocals Ralph Humphrey drums Sal Marquez trumpet & vocals George Duke keyboards & synthesizer Tom Fowler bass Bruce Fowler trombone Ruth Underwood marimba, vibes & percussion Ian Underwood flute, clarinet, alto & tenor sax Jean-Luc Ponty violin & b aritone violin

1. Camarillo Brillo FZ:OZ Halloween You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Vocal: Frank Zappa She had that Camarillo brillo Flamin' out along her head, I mean her Mendocino bean-o By where some bugs had made it red She ruled the Toads of the Short Forest And every newt in Idaho And every cricket who had chorused By the bush in Buffalo She said she was A Magic Mama And she could throw a mean Tarot And carried on without a comma That she was someone I should know She had a snake for a pet And an amulet And she was breeding a dwarf But she wasn't done yet She had gray-green skin A doll with a pin I told her she was awright But I couldn't come in (I couldn't come in right then . . . ) And so she wandered Through the door-way Just like a shadow from the tomb She said her stereo was four-way An' I'd just love it in her room Well, I was born To have adventure So I just followed up the steps Right past her fuming incense stencher To where she hung her castanets She stripped away Her rancid poncho An' laid out naked by the door We did it till we were un-concho An' it was useless any more She had a snake for a pet And an amulet And she was breeding a dwarf But she wasn't done yet She had gray-green skin A doll with a pin I told her she was awright But I couldn't come in (actually, I was very busy then)

And so she wandered Through the door-way Just like a shadow from the tomb She said her stereo was four-way An' I'd just love it in her room Well, I was born To have adventure So I just followed up the steps Right past her fuming incense stencher To where she hung her castanets She said she was A Magic Mama And she could throw a mean Tarot And carried on without a comma That she was someone I should know (Is that a real poncho . . . I mean Is that a Mexican poncho or is that a Sears poncho? Hmmm . . . no foolin' . . . ) 2. I'm The Slime You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Zappa In New York Vocal: Frank Zappa (announcer: Kin Vassy) [backing vocals Tina Turner & The Ikettes] I am gross and perverted I'm obsessed 'n deranged I have existed for years But very little has changed I'm the tool of the Government And industry too For I am destined to rule And regulate you I may be vile and pernicious But you can't look away I make you think I'm delicious With the stuff that I say I'm the best you can get Have you guessed me yet? I'm the slime oozin' out From your TV set You will obey me while I lead you And eat the garbage that I feed you Until the day that we don't need you Don't go for help . . . no one will heed you Your mind is totally controlled It has been stuffed into my mold And you will do as you are told Until the rights to you are sold That's right, folks . . . Don't touch that dial Well, I am the slime from your video Oozin' along on your livin' room floor

I am the slime from your video Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go I am the slime from your video Oozin' along on your livin' room floor I am the slime from your video Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go 3. Dirty Love FZ:OZ You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Vocal: Frank Zappa [backing vocals Tina Turner & The Ikettes] Give me Your dirty love Like you might surrender To some dragon in your dreams Give me Your dirty love Like a pink donation To the dragon in your dreams I don't need your sweet devotion An' I don't want your cheap emotion Whip me up some dragon lotion For your dirty love Your dirty love Give me Your dirty love Like some tacky little pamphlet In your daddy's bottom drawer Give me Your dirty love I don't believe you never seen His book before I don't need no consolation I don't want your reservation I only got one destination An' that's your dirty love Your dirty love Give me Your dirty love Just like your mama Make her fuzzy poodle do (Oh, Frenchie . . . ) Give me Your dirty love The way your mama Make that nasty poodle chew I'll ignore your cheap aroma And your little-bo-peep diploma I'll just put you in a coma With some dirty love Some dirty love That dirty love That dirty love THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie)

THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Snap it!) THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Snap it!) THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Snap it!) THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Not a speck of cereal!) THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Nothing but the best for my dog!) THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Come on!) THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Little paws sticking up!) THE POODLE BITES! (Little curly head!) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Little curly tail!) 4. Fifty-Fifty Vocal: Ricky Lancelotti Well, my dandruff is loose An' my breath is chartreuse I know I ain't cute An' my voice is ka-poot But that's awright people I'm just crazy enough to sing to you Any old way I figure the odds be fifty-fifty I just might have some thing to say Ain't gonna sing you no love song How my heart is all sore Will not beg your indulgence 'Cause you heard it before An' that's awright people I'm just crazy enough to sing to you Any old way I figure the odds be fifty-fifty I just might have some thing to say Ants in my pants! I have taken your time I have sung you my song Ain't no great revelation But it wasn't too long An' that's awright people I'm just crazy enough to sing to you Any old way, ha ha! I figure the odds be fifty-fifty I just might have some thing to say

5. Zomby Woof You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Vocal: Frank Zappa & Ricky Lancelotti [backing vocals Tina Turner & The Ikettes] Three hundred years ago I thought I might get some sleep I stretched myself out onna antique bed An' my spirit did a midnite creep You know I'll never sleep no more

Halloween You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Vocal: Frank Zappa with Kin Vassy & Sal Marquez [backing vocals Tina Turner & The Ikettes] I couldn't say where she's coming' from, But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm She stroll on over, say look here, bum, I got a forty-dollar bill say you can't make me cum (Y'jes can't do it) She made a bet with her sister who's a little bit dumb She could prove it any time all men was scum

It seem to me that it just ain't wise Didja ever wake up in the mornin' With a ZOMBY WOOF behind your eyes Just about as evil as you could be I am the ZOMBY WOOF I'm that creature all the ladies been Talkin' about I am the ZOMBY WOOF They all seek for shelter when I come chargin' out Tellin' you all the Zomby troof Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF Tellin' you all the Zomby troof Here I'm is . . . Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF They said aw-reety An' they was aw-righty An' I was a Zomby for you, little lady . . . I got a great big pointed fang Which is my Zomby Toof My right foot's bigger than my other one is Like a reg'lar Zomby Hoof If I raid your dormitorium Don't try to remain aloof . . . I might snatch you up screamin' through the window all nekkid An' do it to you on the roof, don't mess with the ZOMBY WOOF I am about as evil as a Boogie Man can be! Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF 6. Dinah-Moe Humm Have I Offended Someone? FZ:OZ Baby Snakes

I don't mind that she called me a bum, But I knew right away she was really gonna cum (So I got down to it) I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb An' applied rotation on her sugar plum I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb But I still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm, Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Humm Where's this Dinah-Moe Comin' from I done spent three hours An' I ain't got a crumb From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe From the Dinah-Moe Humm Got a spot that gets me hot, ow! An' you ain't been to it (No no no no!) Got a spot that gets me hot, ow! An' you ain't been to it (No no no!) Got a spot that gets me hot But you ain't been to it (No no no no no!) Got a spot that gets me hot But you ain't been to it 'Cause I can't get into it Unless I get out of it An' I gotta get out of it Before I get into it 'Cause I never get into it Unless I get out of it An' I gotta be out of it To get myself into it (She looked over at me with a glazed eye And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area And she said . . . ) Just get me wasted An' you're half-way there 'Cause if my mind's tore up, Then my body don't care I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin An' said my-my-my What sort of thing Might this lady get high upon?

I checked out her sister Who was holdin' the bet An' wondered what kind of trip The young lady was on The forty-dollar bill didn't matter no more When her sister got nekkid an' laid on the floor She said Dinah-Moe might win the bet But she could use a little ______ if I wasn't done yet I told her . . . Just because the sun Want a place in the sky No reason to assume I wouldn't give her a try So I pulled on her hair Got her legs in the air An' asked if she had any cooties on there (Whaddya mean cooties! No cooties on me!) She was buns-up kneelin' BUNS UP! I was wheelin' an dealin' WHEELIN' AN' DEALIN' AN' OOOOH! She surrender to the feelin' SHE SWEETLY SURRENDERED An' she started in to squealin' Dinah-Moe watched from the edge of the bed With her lips just a-twitchin' an' her face gone red Some drool rollin' down From the edge of her chin While she spied the condition Her sister was in She quivered 'n quaked An' clutched at herself While her sister made a joke About her mental health 'Till Dinah-Moe finally Did give in But I told her All she really needed Was some discipline . . . Kiss my aura . . . Dora . . . M-M-M . . . it's real angora Would y'all like some more-a? Right here on the flora? An' how 'bout you, Fauna? Y'wanna? MMM . . . sound like you're chokin' on somethin' Did you say you want some more? Well, here's some more . . . (Oh, baby . . . ) Oh, sure . . . look, D'you think I could interest you In a pair of zircon-encrusted tweezers? MMM . . . tweezers! Wait a minute, lemme sterilize 'em . . . Gimme your lighter . . . I couldn't say where she's coming' from But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm

She stroll on over, say look here, bum, I got a forty-dollar bill say you can't make me cum (Y'jes can't do it) I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb An' applied rotation on her sugar plum I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb An' you know I heard some Dinah-Moe Humm Some Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Dinah-Moe Some Dinah-Moe An' a little Dinah-Moe An' some Dinah-Moe An' some Dinah-Moe An' some Dinah-Moe An' a little Dinah-Moe An' some Dinah-Moe An' some Dinah-Moe An' some Dinah-Moe An' a Dinah-Moe again An' Dinah-Moe An' Dora too, lil' Dinah 'n Dora An' Dinah-Moe Kiss my aura, Dinah 7. Montana You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 Vocal: Frank Zappa with Kin Vassy ("Yippy-Ty-O") [backing vocals Tina Turner & The Ikettes] I might be movin' to Montana soon Just to raise me up a crop of Dental Floss Raisin' it up Waxen it down In a little white box That I can sell uptown By myself I wouldn't Have no boss, But I'd be raisin' my lonely Dental Floss Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss Well I just might grow me some bees But I'd leave the sweet stuff To somebody else . . . but then, on the other hand I would Keep the wax 'N melt it down Pluck some Floss 'N swish it aroun' I'd have me a crop An' it'd be on top (that's why I'm movin' to Montana) Movin' to Montana soon Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon (yes I am) Movin' to Montana soon Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune

I'm pluckin' the ol' Dennil Floss That's growin' on the prairie Pluckin' the floss! I plucked all day an' all nite an' all Afternoon . . . I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss (His name is MIGHTY LITTLE) He's a good hoss Even though He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or Blanket on anyway He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or Blanket on anyway Any way I'm pluckin' the ol' Dennil Floss Even if you think it is a little silly, folks I don't care if you think it's silly, folks I don't care if you think it's silly, folks I'm gonna find me a horse Just about this big, An' ride him all along the border line With a Pair of heavy-duty Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand Every other wrangler would say I was mighty grand By myself I wouldn't Have no boss, But I'd be raisin' my lonely Dental Floss Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the album booklet Some additions from Arf: Notes & Comments Further corrections and additions by Román and Charles Ulrich

Well I might Ride along the border With my tweezers gleamin' In the moon-lighty night And then I'd Get a cuppa cawfee 'N give my foot a push . . . Just me 'n the pygmy pony Over by the Dennil Floss Bush 'N then I might just Jump back on An' ride Like a cowboy Into the dawn to Montana Movin' to Montana soon (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay) Movin' to Montana soon (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay) Movin' to Montana soon (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay) Movin' to Montana soon (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay) Movin' to Montana soon (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay) Movin' to Montana soon (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay) Movin' to Montana soon (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay) Movin' to Montana soon (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay) Movin' to Montana soon (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay) Movin' to Montana soon (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay) Movin' to Montana soon (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay) Movin' to Montana soon (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)

Apostrophe (') (Frank Zappa, March 1974) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

Don't Eat The Yellow Snow 2:07 Nanook Rubs It 4:37 St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast 1:51 Father O'Blivion 2:18 Cosmik Debris 4:13 Excentrifugal Forz 1:33 Apostrophe' (FZ/Bruce/Gordon) 5:50 Uncle Remus (FZ/Duke) 2:44 Stink-Foot 6:34 Produced, Arranged & Struggled with Frank Zappa Studios: Electric Lady, NYC Bolic, Inglewood Paramount, Hollywood Engineers: Steve Desper Terry Dunavan Barry Keene Bob Hughes Kerry McNab Graphics: Cal Schenkel Front Photo: Emerson-Loew DRUMS: Jim Gordon Johnny Guerin Aynsley Dunbar Ralph Humphrey BASS: Jack Bruce Erroneous Tom Fowler FZ KEYBOARDS: George Duke VIOLIN: Sugar Cane Harris Jean-Luc Ponty

PERCUSSION: Ruth Underwood SAXOPHONE: Ian Underwood Napoleon Murphy Brock TRUMPET: Sal Marquez TROMBONE: Bruce Fowler BACK-UP VOCALS: Ray Collins Kerry McNab Susie Glover George Duke Debbie Lynn Napoleon Murphy Brock Ruben Ladron de Guevara Robert "Frog" Camarena [Tina Turner & The Ikettes] LEAD VOCALS & ALL GUITARS: FZ (except Tony Duran rhythm guitar on APOSTROPHE' )

[NOTE FROM THE MAINTAINER: Since there's not so much information about who plays in each song and when they were recorded, the musicians and recording dates listed below are only guesses based on close listening and information found here and there. Thanks to Joe Travers, Biffyshrew, Charles Ulrich and Patrick Neve.]

Probably recorded c. summer 1973 1. Don't Eat The Yellow Snow Halloween You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 includes a quote from Midnight Sun (Hampton/Burke/Mercer) Probably recorded c. summer 1973 FZ guitar, lead vocals George Duke keyboards, back-up vocals Tom Fowler bass Ralph Humphrey drums And probably: Ray Collins back-up vocals Kerry McNab back-up vocals Susie Glover back-up vocals ? Debbie back-up vocals Lynn back-up vocals Ruben Ladron de Guevara back-up vocals Robert "Frog" Camarena back-up vocals Dreamed I was an Eskimo (Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da) Frozen wind began to blow (Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da) Under my boots 'n around my toe (Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da) Frost had bit the ground below (Boop-boop aiee-ay-ah!) Was a hundred degrees below zero (Booh!) (Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da) And my momma cried: Boo-a-hoo hoo-ooo And my momma cried: Nanook-a, no no (no no . . . ) Nanook-a, no no (no no . . . ) Don't be a naughty Eskimo-wo-oh (Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da) Save your money: don't go to the show Well I turned around an' I said: HO HO (Booh!) Well I turned around an' I said: HO HO (Booh!) Well I turned around an' I said: HO HO An' the Northern Lites commenced t' glow An' she said (Bop-bop ta-da-da bop . . . ) With a tear in her eye: WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO AN' DON'T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO AN' DON'T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW 2. Nanook Rubs It You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 includes a quote from Midnight Sun (Hampton/Burke/Mercer)

FZ guitar, lead vocals George Duke keyboards Ruth Underwood percussion Bruce Fowler trombone Ian Underwood saxophone Tom Fowler bass Ralph Humphrey drums And probably: Ray Collins back-up vocals Kerry McNab back-up vocals Susie Glover back-up vocals ? Well right about that time, people, A fur trapper Who was strictly from commercial (Strictly Commershil) Had the unmedicated audacity to jump up from behind my igyaloo (Peek-a-Boo Woo-ooo-ooo) And he started in to whippin' on my fav'rite baby seal With a lead-filled snow shoe . . . I said: With a lead LEAD Filled LEAD-FILLED A lead-filled snow shoe SNOW SHOE He said Peak-a-boo PEEK-A-BOO With a lead LEAD Filled LEAD-FILLED With a lead-filled snow shoe SNOW SHOE He said Peak-a-boo. PEEK-A-BOO He went right up side the head of my favorite baby seal He went WHAP! With a lead-filled snow shoe An' he hit him on the nose 'n he hit him on the fin 'n he . . . That got me just about as evil As an Eskimo boy can be . . . so I bent down 'n I reached down 'n I scooped down An' I gathered up a generous mitten full of the deadly . . . YELLOW SNOW The deadly Yellow Snow from right there where the huskies go Whereupon I proceeded to take that mitten full Of the deadly Yellow Snow Crystals And rub it all into his beady little eyes With a vigorous circular motion Hitherto unknown to the people on this area, But destined to take the place of THE MUD SHARK In your mythology Here it goes now . . . THE CIRCULAR MOTION . . . (rub it) . . . (Here Fido . . . Here Fido) And then, in a fit of anger, I . . . I pounced And I pounced again GREAT GOOGLY-MOOGLY I jumped up 'n down on the chest of the . . . I injured the fur trapper Well, he was very upset, as you can understand And rightly so Because The deadly Yellow Snow Crystals Had deprived him of his sight

And he stood up And he looked around And he said: I CAN'T SEE (DO . . . DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . YEAH!) I CAN'T SEE (DO . . . DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . YEAH!) OH WOE IS ME (DO . . . DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . YEAH!) I CAN'T SEE (DO . . . DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . WELL!) NO NO I CAN'T SEE NO . . . I . . . He took a dog-doo sno-cone An' stuffed it in my right eye He took a dog-doo sno-cone An' stuffed it in my other eye An' the huskie wee-wee, I mean the doggie wee-wee Has blinded me An' I can't see Temporarily Well the fur trapper Stood there With his arms outstretched Across the frozen white wasteland Trying to figure out what he's gonna do About his deflicted eyes And it was at that precise moment that he remembered An ancient Eskimo legend Wherein it is written On whatever it is that they write it on up there That if anything bad ever happens to your eyes As a result of some sort of conflict With anyone named Nanook The only way you can get it fixed up Is to go trudgin' across the tundra . . . Mile after mile Trudgin' across the tundra . . . Right down to the parish of Saint Alfonzo . . . 3. St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Probably recorded c. summer 1973 FZ guitar, lead vocals George Duke keyboards, back-up vocals Ruth Underwood percussion Bruce Fowler trombone Ian Underwood saxophone Tom Fowler bass Ralph Humphrey drums And probably: Debbie back-up vocals Lynn back-up vocals Ruben Ladron de Guevara back-up vocals Robert "Frog" Camarena back-up vocals Napoleon Murphy Brock back-up vocals Yes indeed, here we are! At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast Where I stole the mar-juh-reen An' widdled on the Bingo Cards in lieu of the latrine I saw a handsome parish lady Make her entrance like a queen Why she was totally chenille And her old man was a Marine As she abused a sausage pattie And said why don't you treat me mean? (Hurt me, hurt me, hurt me, oooooh!) At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast

(Hah! Good God! Get off the bus!) Where I stole the mar-juh-reen . . . Saint Alfonzo Saint Alfonzo Saint Alfonzo Saint Alfonzo Ooo-ooo-WAH . . . 4. Father O'Blivion You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Probably recorded c. summer 1973 FZ guitar, lead vocals George Duke keyboards, back-up vocals Ruth Underwood percussion Tom Fowler bass Ralph Humphrey drums Napoleon Murphy Brock back-up vocals Get on your feet an' do the funky Alfonzo! Father Vivian O'Blivion Resplendent in his frock Was whipping up the batter For the pancakes of his flock He was looking rather bleary (He forgot to watch the clock) 'Cause the night before Behind the door A leprechaun had stroked, yes . . . The night before Behind the door A leprechaun had stroked (he stroked it) . . . The night before Behind the door A leprechaun had stroked . . . his . . . Sma-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ahhh (stroked his smock) Which set him off in such a frenzy He sang LOCK AROUND THE CROCK An' he topped it off with a . . . An' he topped it off with a . . . An' he topped it off with a . . . WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO As he stumbled on his ____ He was delighted as it stiffened And ripped right through his sock Oh, Saint Alfonzo would be proud of me PROUD OF ME He shouted down the block Dominus Vo-bisque 'em Et come spear a tu-tu, Oh! Won't you eat my sleazy pancakes Just for Saintly Alfonzo They're so light 'n fluffy-white We'll raise a fortune by tonite They're so light 'n fluffy-white We'll raise a fortune by tonite They're so light 'n fluffy-brown They're the finest in the town They're so light 'n fluffy-brown They're the finest in the town Good morning, your Highness

Ooo-ooo-ooo I brought you your snow shoes Ooo-ooo-ooo Good morning, your Highness Ooo-ooo-ooo I brought you your snow shoes 5. Cosmik Debris You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Bolic Sound, Inglewood May 26, 29 & June 1, 1973 FZ guitar, lead vocals Jean-Luc Ponty violin George Duke keyboards Ruth Underwood percussion Ian Underwood saxophone Sal Marquez trumpet Bruce Fowler trombone Tom Fowler bass Ralph Humphrey drums Tina Turner & The Ikettes back-up vocals The Mystery Man came over An' he said: "I'm outa-site!" He said, for a nominal service charge, I could reach nervonna t'nite If I was ready, willing 'n able To pay him his regular fee He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs And devote His Attention to me But I said . . . Look here brother, Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris? (Now who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?) Look here brother, Don't you waste your time on me The Mystery Man got nervous An' he fidget around a bit He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe An' he whipped out a shaving kit Now, I thought it was a razor An' a can of foamin' goo But he told me right then when the top popped open There was nothin' his box won't do With the oil of Afro-dytee An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo He said: "You might not believe this, little fella, but it'll cure your Asthma too!" An' I said . . . Look here brother, Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris? (Now what kind of a geroo are you anyway?) Look here brother, Don't you waste your time on me Don't waste yer time . . . I've got troubles of my own, I said An' you can't help me out So take your meditations an' your preparations An' ram it up yer snout "BUT I GOT A KRISTL BOL!," he said An' held it to the light So I snatched it All away from him An' I showed him how to do it right I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head So I'd look like I was Deep I said some Mumbo Jumbos then

An' told him he was goin' to sleep I robbed his rings An' pocket watch An' everything else I found I had that sucker hypnotized He couldn't even make a sound I proceeded to tell him his future then As long as he was hanging around, I said "The price of meat has just gone up An' yer ol' lady has just gone down . . . " Look here brother, Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris? (Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?) Don't you know, You could make more money as a butcher, So don't you waste your time on me (Don't waste it, don't waste your time on me . . . ) Ohm shonty, ohm shonty, ohm shonty-ohm SSHONTAY 6. Excentrifugal Forz Basic track probably recorded c. August-September, 1969 Overdubs probably recorded summer 1973 FZ guitar, bass, lead vocals And probably: Sugar Cane Harris violin Johnny Guerin drums The clouds are really cheap The way I seen 'em thru the ports Of which there is a half-a-dozen On the base of my resorz You wouldn't think I'd have too many Since I never cared for sports But I'm never really lonely In my Excentrifugal Forz There's always Korla Plankton Him 'n me can play the blues An' then I'll watch him buff that Tiny ruby that he use He'll straighten up his turban An' eject a little ooze Along a one-celled Hammond Organism Underneath my shoes An' then I'll call PUP TENTACLE I'll ask him how's his chin I'll fine out How the future is Because that's where he's been His little feet got long 'n flexible An' suckers fell right in The time he crossed the line From LATER ON to WAY BACK WHEN 7. Apostrophe' (Zappa, Bruce, Gordon) Recorded at Electric Ladyland Studios, NYC September, 1972 FZ lead guitar Tony Duran rhythm guitar Jack Bruce bass Jim Gordon drums

8. Uncle Remus (Zappa, Duke) Basic track probably: Paramount Studios, LA April-May, 1972 Overdubs probably: Early 1974 FZ guitar, lead vocals George Duke keyboards Susie Glover back-up vocals? Erroneous bass Aynsley Dunbar drums Wo, are we movin' too slow? Have you seen us, Uncle Remus . . . We look pretty sharp in these clothes (yes, we do) Unless we get sprayed with a hose It ain't bad in the day If they squirt it your way 'Cept in the winter, when it's froze An' it's hard if it hits On yer nose On yer nose Just keep yer nose To the grindstone, they say Will that redeem us, Uncle Remus . . . I can't wait till my Fro is full-grown I'll just throw 'way my Doo-Rag at home I'll take a drive to BEVERLY HILLS Just before dawn An' knock the little jockeys Off the rich people's lawn An' before they get up I'll be gone, I'll be gone Before they get up I'll be knocking the jockeys off the lawn Down in the dew 9. Stink-Foot You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 FZ:OZ Halloween Make A Jazz Noise Here includes a quote from Dragnet (Schumann/Rósza) Basic track: prob. The Record Plant, LA March 1970 Overdubs: probably recorded early 1974 FZ guitar, bass, lead vocals George Duke keyboards Napoleon Murphy Brock saxophone, back-up vocals And probably: Aynsley Dunbar drums Debbie back-up vocals Lynn back-up vocals Ruben Ladron de Guevara back-up vocals Robert "Frog" Camarena back-up vocals In the dark Where all the fevers grow Under the water Where the shark bubbles blow

In the mornin' By yer radio Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya You ain't got no friends . . . An' all the others: they hate ya Does the life you been livin' gotta go, hmmm? Well, lemme straighten you out About a place I know . . . (Get yer shoes 'n socks on people, It's right aroun' the corner!) Out through the night An' the whispering breezes To the place where they keep The Imaginary Diseases, Out through the night An' the whispering breezes To the place where they keep The Imaginary Diseases, mmm . . . This has to be the disease for you Now scientists call this disease Bromidrosis But us regular folks Who might wear tennis shoes Or an occasional python boot Know this exquisite little inconvenience By the name of: STINK FOOT Y'know, my python boot is too tight I couldn't get it off last night A week went by, an' now it's July I finally got it off An' my girl-friend cry "You got STINK FOOT! STINK FOOT, darlin' Your STINK FOOT puts a hurt on my nose! STINK FOOT! STINK FOOT! I ain't lyin', Can you rinse it off, d'you suppose?" Here Fido . . . Fido . . . C'mere little puppy . . . bring the slippers "Arf, arf, arf!" (crash-crumble-bump-bump-bump) Heh heh heh . . . sick . . . Well then Fido got up off the floor an' he rolled over An' he looked me straight in the eye An' you know what he said? Once upon a time Somebody say to me (This is a dog talkin' now) What is your Conceptual Continuity? Well, I told him right then (Fido said) It should be easy to see The crux of the biscuit Is the Apostrophe(') Well, you know The man who was talkin' to the dog Looked at the dog an' he said: (sort of staring in disbelief) "You can't say that!" He said: "IT DOESN'T, 'n YOU CAN'T! I WON'T, 'n IT DON'T! IT HASN'T, IT ISN'T, IT EVEN AIN'T 'N IT SHOULDN'T . . . IT COULDN'T!" He told me NO NO NO! I told him YES YES YES! I said: "I do it all the time . . . Ain't this boogie a mess!" THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES THE POODLE CHEWS IT THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES THE POODLE CHEWS IT THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES THE POODLE CHEWS IT THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES

THE POODLE CHEWS IT (POO-DLE . . . ) THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES ( . . . BITES) THE POODLE CHEWS IT (POO-DLE . . . ) THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES ( . . . BITES) THE POODLE CHEWS IT (POO-DLE . . . ) THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the CD booklet Corrections and additions by Román & Bossk (R)

( . . . BITES) THE POODLE CHEWS IT (POO-DLE . . . ) THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES ( . . . BITES) THE POODLE CHEWS IT THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES THE POODLE CHEWS IT THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES THE POODLE CHEWS IT THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES

Roxy & Elsewhere (Zappa/Mothers, DiscReet 2DS 2202, September 10, 1974) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Penguin In Bondage 6:48 Pygmy Twylyte 2:12 Dummy Up (FZ/Simmons/Brock) 6:03 Village Of The Sun 4:17 Echidna's Arf (Of You) 3:53 Don't You Ever Wash That Thing? 9:40 Cheepnis 6:31 Son Of Orange County 5:53 More Trouble Every Day 6:00 Be-Bop Tango (Of The Old Jazzmen's Church) 16:41 Produced by FZ Overdubs at Bolic Studios & Paramount Studios, Hollywood Roxy remote recording by Wally Heider Re-mix engineer: Kerry McNab Road tapes engineer: Bill Hennigh Design & Graphics by Cal Schenkel Cover Photography by Sherwin Tilton Liner Photography by Sherwin Tilton, Coy Featherston & Steve Magedoff FZ--lead guitar, vocals George Duke--keyboards, synthesizer, vocals Tom Fowler--bass Ruth Underwood--percussion Jeff Simmons--rhythm guitar, vocals Don Preston--synthesizer Bruce Fowler--trombone, dancing (?) Walt Fowler--trumpet Napoleon Murphy Brock--tenor sax, flute, lead vocals Ralph Humphrey--drums Chester Thompson--drums (additional back-up vocals on Cheepnis by Debbi, Lynn, Ruben, George & Froggy )

1. Penguin In Bondage 6:48

• Does Humor Belong In Music? • The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life The Roxy, Los Angeles, CA December 8-10, 1973 FZ--lead guitar, lead vocals Napoleon Murphy Brock--tenor sax, vocals George Duke--keyboards, vocals Bruce Fowler--trombone Ruth Underwood--percussion Tom Fowler--bass Ralph Humphrey--drums Chester Thompson--drums Auditorium Theater, Chicago May 11, 1974 (late show) FZ--lead guitar, lead vocals Napoleon Murphy Brock--tenor sax, vocals Jeff Simmons--guitar George Duke--keyboards, vocals Don Preston--synthesizer Walt Fowler--trumpet Bruce Fowler--trombone Tom Fowler--bass Ralph Humphrey--drums Chester Thompson--drums FZ: Thank you. (Brian, I could use a little bit more monitor). Hello hello (can't you turn it up any more than that?) Hello hello . . . Hey! Alright! Pardon me, folks. The name of this song is "Penguin in Bondage," an' it's a song that, uh, deals with the possible variations on a basic theme which is . . . well, you understand what the basic theme is. And then the variations include, uh, manoeuvres that might be executed with the aid of, uh, extra-terrestrial gratification and devices which might or might not be supplied in a local department store or perhaps a drugstore but at very least in one of those fancy new shops that they advertise in the back-pages of the free press. This song suggests to the suggestible listener that the ordinary procedure, uh, that I'm circumlocuting at this present time in order to get this text on television, is that, uh, if you wanna do something other than what you thought you were gonna do when you first took your clothes off and you just happened to have some DEVICES around . . . then it's, it's not only okay to get into the PARAPHERNALIA of it all but . . . hey! What did he say? Ready? She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . . Rennenhenninnahenninnenninahennn Way over on the wet side Of the bed (Knirps for moisture) Just like the mighty Penguin Flappin' her eight ounce wings (The Penguin Flap) Lord, you know it's all over If she come atcha on the strut & wrap 'em all around yer head Flappin' her eight ounce wings, flappinumm She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy

Shake up the pale-dry Ginger ale Tremblin' like a Penguin When the battery fail Lord, you must be havin' her jumpin' through a hoopa real fire With some Kleenex wrapped around a coat-hang wire She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . . Rennenhenninnahenninneninahenn Howlin' over to some Antarcticulated moon In the frostbite nite With her flaps gone white Shriekin' as she spot the hoop across the room (Everytime she sees the hoop) You know it must be a Penguin bound down If you hear that terrible screamin' and there ain't no other Birds around She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . . She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . . Rennenhenninnahenninneninahennnn Aw, you must be careful Not to leave her straps TOO LOOSE 'Cause she just might box yer dog She just might box yer doggie An' leave you a dried-up dog biscuit . . . 2. Pygmy Twylyte 2:12

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 The Roxy, Los Angeles, CA December 8-10, 1973 FZ--lead guitar Napoleon Murphy Brock--tenor sax, vocals George Duke--keyboards Bruce Fowler--trombone Ruth Underwood--percussion Tom Fowler--bass Ralph Humphrey--drums Chester Thompson--drums Green hocker croakin' In the Pygmy Twylyte Crankin' an' a-coke'n In the Winchell's do-nut Midnite Out of his deep on a 'fore day run Hurtin' for sleep in the Quaalude Moonlight

Green hocker in a Greyhound locker Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte

Let me see! Let me see!

Joined the bus on the 33rd seat By the doo-doo room with the reek replete

Jeff: Not only do you get the Desenex burger . . . not only the Desenex burger . . . but you are in for a real treat, Jim Napoleon: Wait a minute, I think I like that dance better than this . . . What are you talkin' about, creep? Jeff: What I'm talkin' about is you've been in this killer fog down here too long Napoleon: What? Jeff: You need somethin' to get up and go to school with Napoleon: Wait a minute, you're not talkin' to an old fool now, you know, I wasn't born yesterday! FZ: (Heh heh heh!) Napoleon: Wait a minute . . . I think I'll take . . . Jeff: I like that little dance you were doin' down there . . . FZ: Jeff Simmons tries to corrupt Napoleon Murphy Brock by showing him a lewd dance and suggesting that he'd smoke a highschool diploma . . . Napoleon: Hey! What you . . . what you . . . ? Wait a minute! Jeff: Hey this, this stuff . . . Napoleon: I've never seen one of these before . . . that's not a menu? Jeff: This stuff is expensive Napoleon: What is that? Jeff: You shoot it, you'll conserve all winter Napoleon: I do what? Jeff: It last longer FZ: Not only do you get the Desenex burger Napoleon: No . . . no . . . Jeff: Now come on, try it Napoleon: No, no, no Jeff: It's really good Napoleon: No . . . Smoke THAT?! Jeff: Have I ever lied to you? Have I ever seen you before? Napoleon: I don't, I don't even know you! Jeff: Look . . . Napoleon: I don't even know what that is! Jeff: Just bef . . . Napoleon: And you're tellin' me to smoke it?! Jeff: Just before, we smoked the tapes that you made Napoleon: Smoked the tapes? Jeff: Smoked the tapes of your group Napoleon: I think I'd rather dance Jeff: You can really get off! Let's try a joint of this Napoleon: A WHAT?! Jeff: A joint! Napoleon: You mean this kinda joint? Jeff: No, man! Where you been in livin'? Reseda? Napoleon: No, San Jose FZ: The evil dope pusher is cutting up a white gym sock, formerly owned by Carl Zappa and still damp. The shredded sock will be placed inside of a high-school diploma And ignited with a sulphur preparation . . . Napoleon: Wait a minute . . . FZ: His first taste of big city life Napoleon: That's okay, wait a minute . . . wait . . . (DUMMY UP . . . ) Jeff: Hey! The roach of this is really gonna be good, so I'll save it . . .

Crystal eye, crystal eye Got a crystal kidney & he's fraid to die In the Pygmy Twylyte Downer midnite Pygmy Twylyte Downer midnite Pygmy Twylyte Downer midnite Pygmy Twylyte Downer midnite 3. Dummy Up 6:03 (Zappa/Simmons/Brock) includes a quote from College Rhythm (Gordon/Revel) The Roxy, Los Angeles, CA December 8-10, 1973 FZ--lead guitar, vocals Napoleon Murphy Brock--tenor sax, lead vocals Jeff Simmons--vocals George Duke--keyboards Bruce Fowler--trombone Ruth Underwood--percussion Tom Fowler--bass Ralph Humphrey--drums Chester Thompson--drums Napoleon: Sunrise Get up in the mornin' You know, I think it's mornin' Sun is shinin' bright I'm gonna get outside Gonna wash my face Grab my hat Put it on my head I take a walk downtown Yeah-hey . . . Because I feel so-oh good I think I'm gonna take a walk downtown Hey! Sunlight! Wo! Somethin' I never seen before Been a-walkin' down the street every day Nobody like you ever passed my way Maybe there must be too much sun Couldn't be my hat, must be too much . . . Wait a minute! What's that you . . . ? What's that? What . . . ? What's that? What . . . ? What's that? What . . . ? FZ: Dummy Up Napoleon: What is that? I know what that is, I know what that is . . . I bet you that's a restaurant menu . . .

FZ: Have mercy! George: Awright . . . awright . . . Napoleon: What d'you do with that thing? What do you do with that thing that you have? Wait a minute Wait a minute Wait a minute What do you do With that thing? I wanna know

Napoleon: Wait a minute FZ: Now the next step of this operation Napoleon: Wait a minute! FZ: The evil corrupter of youth is going to take him from Step One, which is a mere high-school diploma stuffed with a gym sock, to Step Two, which is a college-degree stuffed with absolutely nothing at all. Smoke that and it'll really get you out there! Napoleon: I still don't feel as good as I felt this mornin' . . . yeah yeah . . . FZ: You'll grow out of it . . . Jeff: DUMMY UP! Napoleon: I heard it again, somebody said . . . Jeff: You see this? Napoleon: What d'you mean? College! FZ: College! Jeff: That's college-rhythm Napoleon: You mean if I smoke that It's the same as if . . . As if I was at college? Roll it over up! Roll it over up! Roll it over up! Gimme a . . . FZ: No no, the college-degree is stuffed with absolutely nothing at all, you get . . . you get nothing with your college-degree . . . Napoleon: Oh . . . But that's what I want FZ: . . . I forgot, I'm sorry Napoleon: Well, You get nothin', But that's what I want FZ: A true Zen saying: Nothing is what I want . . . The results of a higher education! 4. Village Of The Sun 4:17

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 The Roxy, Los Angeles, CA December 8-10, 1973 FZ--lead guitar, voice Napoleon Murphy Brock--tenor sax, vocals George Duke--keyboards Bruce Fowler--trombone Ruth Underwood--percussion

Tom Fowler--bass Ralph Humphrey--drums Chester Thompson--drums FZ: Thank you . . . thank you very much . . . awright, does anybody here know where Palmdale is? You do? Good, do you, have you ever heard of a place called Sun Village? You, some, some of you know where Sun Village is, awright, it's out in back on Palmdale, awright. At one time, that used to be a, uh, big place for . . . raisin' turkeys, and, uh, I went to high school in Lancaster which is not far from, uh, from, uh, Palm . . . Oh! Is it very good for other things out there now? Good . . . (Ken, turn me up so they can hear what I'm saying) Ladies and Gentlemen, this is a song about this place where I used to live where they used to raise turkeys (ready . . . ?) Goin' back home To the Village of the Sun Out in back of Palmdale Where the turkey farmers run, I done Made up my mind And I know I'm gonna go to Sun Village, good God I hope the Wind don't blow It take the paint off your car And wreck your windshield too, I don't know how the people stand it, But I guess they do Cause they're all still there, Even Johnny Franklin too In the Village of the Sun Village of the Sun Village of the Sun, son (Sun Village to you-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo, well!) Little Mary, and Teddy, and Thelma too, now Where Palmdale Boulevard, wo! Cuts on through Past the Village Inn, well, & Barbecue now, yeah (I heard it ain't there . . . Well I hope it ain't true) Where the stumblers gonna go To watch the lights turn blue? Where the stumblers gonna go To watch the lights turn blue-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-wahhh? Goin' back home To the Village of the Sun Out in back of Palmdale Where the turkey farmers run, I done Made up my mind And I know I'm gonna go to Sun Village, good God I hope the Wind don't blow It take the paint off your car And wreck your windshield too, I don't know how the people stand it, But I guess they do Cause they're all still there, Even Johnny Franklin too In the Village of the Sun Village of the Sun Village of the Sun, son (Sun Village to you-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo, well!) 5. Echidna's Arf (Of You) 3:53

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 The Roxy, Los Angeles, CA December 8-10, 1973

FZ--lead guitar Napoleon Murphy Brock--tenor sax, vocals George Duke--keyboards Bruce Fowler--trombone Ruth Underwood--percussion Tom Fowler--bass Ralph Humphrey--drums Chester Thompson--drums Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Village . . . 6. Don't You Ever Wash That Thing? 9:40

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 The Roxy, Los Angeles, CA December 8-10, 1973 FZ--lead guitar, vocals Napoleon Murphy Brock--tenor sax George Duke--keyboards Bruce Fowler--trombone Ruth Underwood--percussion Tom Fowler--bass Ralph Humphrey--drums Chester Thompson--drums FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, Watch Ruth! All through this film Ruth has been thinkin': "What can I possibly do That will amaze everyone?" I think she's come up with the answer, Just keep your eye on her! FZ: Thank you!

sort of a rounded off pup-tent affair, and, uh, it's got fangs on the base of it, I don't know why but it's a very threatening sight, and then he's got a frown and, you know, ugly mouth and everything, and there's this one scene where the, uh, monster is coming out of a cave, see? There's always a scene where they come out of a cave, at least once, and the rest of the cast . . . it musta been made around the 1950's, the lapels are about like that wide, the ties are about that wide and about this short, and they always have a little revolver that they're gonna shoot the monster with, and there is always a girl who falls down and twists her ankle . . . heh-hey! Of course there is! You know how they are, the weaker sex and everything, twisting their ankle on behalf of the little ice-cream cone. Well in this particular scene, in this scene, folks, they, uh, they didn't wanna re-take it 'cause it musta been so good they wanted to keep it, but they . . . when the monster came out of the cave, just over on the left hand side of the screen you can see about this much two-by-four attached to the bottom of the Thing as the guy is pushing it out, and then obviously off-camera somebody's goin': "NO! GET IT BACK!" And they drag it back just a little bit as the guy is goin': "KCH! KCH!" Now that's cheepnis. Awright. And this is "Cheepnis" here. One two three four . . . I ate a hot dog It tasted real good Then I watched a movie From Hollywood I ate a hot dog It tasted real good (Yum-yum yummy-yummy-yum Yum-yum yummy-yummy-yum) Then I watched a movie From Hollywood (Dum-dum dummy-dummy-dum Dum-dum dummy-dummy-dum) Little Miss Muffett on a squat by me, yeah Took a turn around, I said: Can y'all see now? The little strings on the Giant Spider? The Zipper From The Black Lagoon? (HA HA HA!) The vents by the tanks where the bubbles go up? (And the flaps on the side of the moon)

7. Cheepnis 6:31

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 The Roxy, Los Angeles, CA December 8-10, 1973 FZ--lead guitar, vocals Napoleon Murphy Brock--tenor sax, lead vocals George Duke--keyboards, vocals Bruce Fowler--trombone Ruth Underwood--percussion Tom Fowler--bass Ralph Humphrey--drums Chester Thompson--drums Debbi--vocals Lynn--vocals Ruben--vocals Froggy--vocals FZ: "Cheepnis." Let me tell you something, do you like monster movies? Anybody? I LOVE monster movies, I simply adore monster movies, and the cheaper they are, the better they are. And cheepnis in the case of a monster movie has nothing to do with the budget of the film, although it helps, but true cheepnis is exemplified by visible nylon strings attached to the jaw of a giant spider . . . I'll tell you, a good one that I saw one time, I think the name of the film was "IT CONQUERED THE WORLD," and the . . . Did you ever see that one? The monster looks sort of like an inverted ice-cream cone with teeth around the bottom. It looks like a (phew!), like a teepee or . . .

The jelly & paint on the 40 watt bulb They use when the slime droozle off The rumples & the wrinkles in the cardboard rock, yeah And the canvas of the cave is too soft The suits & the hats & the tie's too wide And too short for the scientist man The chemistry lady with the roll-away mind, yeah While the monster just ate Japan Ladies and gentlemen, The monster, Which the peasants in this area call FRUNOBULAX (Apparently a very large poodle dog) Has just been seen approaching The Power Plant Bullets can't stop it Rockets can't stop it We may have to use NUCLEAR FORCE! HERE COMES THAT POODLE DOG! BIG AS A BLIMP WITH A RHINESTONE COLLAR SNAPPIN' OFF THE TREES LIKE THEY WAS BONSAI'D ORNAMENTS ON A DRYWOBBLE LANDSCAPE KEEP IT AWAY! DON'T LET THE POODLE BITE ME! WE CAN'T LET IT REPRODUCE! OH! SOMEBODY GET OUT THE PANTS!

The National Guard has formed up at the base of the mountain And is attempting to lure the enormous poodle towards the cave Where they hope to destroy it with napalm A thousand of the troopers are now lined up and are calling to the monster . . . Here Fido Here Fido Here Fido GOT A GREAT BIG SLIMEY THING GOT A GREAT BIG HEAVY THING GOT A GREAT BIG POODLE THING GOT A GREAT BIG HAIRY THING GOT A GREAT BIG SLIMEY THING GOT A GREAT BIG HEAVY THING GOT A GREAT BIG POODLE THING GOT A GREAT BIG HAIRY THING C'mon! Everybody! Hurry! Let's go! Somebody get the distilled water! Get the canned goods! Get the toilet paper! You know we need it! GO TO DA SHELTER MY BABY, MY BABY, GO TO DA SHELTER GO TO DA SHELTER GO TO DA SHELTER MY BABY, MY BABY, GO TO DA SHELTER GO TO DA SHELTER Little Miss Muffett on a squat by me, Can ya see the little string danglin' down Makes the legs go wobble an' the mouth flop shut, yeah An' the HORRIBLE EYE, An' that HORRIBLE EYE, An' that HORRIBLE EYE Go rollin' around Can y'see it at all Can y'see it from here Can y'laugh till yer weak on yer knees If you can't, I'm sorry 'cause that's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis please Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis please Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis please Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis please (Cheeper the better) Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis please (Cheeper the better) Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis please (Cheeper the better) Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis please (Cheeper the better) (Cheeper the better) (Cheeper the better) (Cheeper the better) Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis . . . 8. Son Of Orange County 5:53

• Lumpy Gravy • Weasels Ripped My Flesh

• Ahead Of Their Time • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 • Make A Jazz Noise Here includes The Orange County Lumber Truck Edinboro State College, Pennsylvania May 8, 1974 and Auditorium Theater, Chicago May 11, 1974 (late show) FZ--lead guitar, vocals Napoleon Murphy Brock--tenor sax, lead vocals Jeff Simmons--guitar George Duke--keyboards, vocals Don Preston--synthesizer Walt Fowler--trumpet Bruce Fowler--trombone Tom Fowler--bass Ralph Humphrey--drums Chester Thompson--drums And in your dreams You can see yourself As a prophet Saving the world The words from your lips (I AM NOT A CROOK) I just can't believe you are such A fool I just can't believe You are such a fool I just can't believe You are such a fool I just can't believe You are such a fool I just can't believe You are such a fool 9. More Trouble Every Day 6:00

• Freak Out! • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol. 5 • Does Humor Belong In Music? • The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Edinboro State College, Pennsylvania May 8, 1974 FZ--lead guitar, lead vocals Napoleon Murphy Brock--tenor sax, vocals Jeff Simmons--guitar George Duke--keyboards, vocals Don Preston--synthesizer Walt Fowler--trumpet Bruce Fowler--trombone Tom Fowler--bass Ralph Humphrey--drums Chester Thompson--drums Well I'm about to get sick From watchin' my TV Been checkin' out the news Till my eyeballs fail to see I mean to say that every day Is just another rotten mess (Sure 'nuff!) And when it's gonna change, my friend

Is anybody's guess (Well!) (Woa!) So I'm Watchin' and I'm a--waitin' I'm hopin' for the best Even think I'll go to prayin' Every time I hear 'em sayin' There's no way to delay That trouble comin' every day There's no way to delay That trouble comin' every day Wednesday I watched the riot I seen the cops out on the street I watched 'em throwin' rocks & stuff & chokin' In the heat I listen to reports 'Bout the whisky passin' around I seen the smoke & fire And the market burnin' down I watched while everybody On his street would take a turn To stomp & smash & bash & crash & slash & bust & burn I'm a--watchin' and I'm a--waitin' But I'm hopin' for the best Even think I'll go to prayin' Every time I hear 'em sayin' There's no way to delay That trouble comin' every day There's no way to delay That trouble comin' every day Watchin' and I'm a--waitin' I'm hopin' for the best Even think I'll go to prayin' Every time I hear 'em sayin', oh, yeah . . . 10. Be-Bop Tango (Of The Old Jazzmen's Church) 16:41

• The Yellow Shark

FZ: The cowbell as a symbol of unbridled passion, ladies and gentlemen. FZ: Now, as you might have noticed, Bruce Fowler has just completed some sort of trombone solo, based on the, uh, idea of an evolved tango-event. Bruce has also prepared for you a demonstration of a dance that he hopes will sweep the ocean, right after the Mud Shark did. Bruce is now warming up the important muscles of the body, in preparation . . . in preparation for the Real Live Be-Bop Tango which we're gonna demonstrate. Napoleon will assist him. Napoleon: Wait a minute now . . . FZ: Napoleon, just put your horn down, just relax, put your head back, here comes the drill. Okay, ha ha ha, you know what I'm talkin' about? Okay . . . This is sort of like JAZZ in it's own peculiar way . . . JAZZ IS NOT DEAD, IT JUST SMELLS FUNNY . . . Okay, let's go! George: Yeah, man, JAZZ, man, you know what I mean? This is Be-Bop, Even though you think it doesn't sound like that (Be-Bop . . . ! That's no Be-Bop!) FZ: Now, as you might have noticed, some of you with a musical education can tell that the notes that George just sang when he went: "This is Be-Bop, even though you think it doesn't sound like that," it's actually a sort of a twisted form of the theme of the tango itself which will get de . . . even more depraved as the number goes on. George will now attempt to dismember that melody, play it and sing it at the same time while . . . Pe-dop! FZ: Hey, that's the way . . . while we sort of dance to it, okay? Try it, George . . .

The Roxy, Los Angeles, CA December 8-10, 1973

Pe-do-do-dum-deh-dum-deh do-do-deh-dum-deh Tee-do-do-TEEP Goop Do-do Tee-dum-do-do tee-dum-do-do KEEP do-deah E-dum do-dee-dum Do-do-dee-doo Do-dee-DAH . . . OH, YEAAAAH!

FZ--lead guitar, vocals Napoleon Murphy Brock--tenor sax, vocals George Duke--keyboards, vocals Bruce Fowler--trombone, dancing Ruth Underwood--percussion Tom Fowler--bass Ralph Humphrey--drums Chester Thompson--drums

George: As I was saying . . . FZ: Now, what we'd like to do at this point is get some volunteers from the audience to . . . I know you will, oh God, you will . . . We need some . . . heh heh heh . . . Now, as a matter of fact you did, didn't you . . . No, we wanna have some people who've never tried it before, who've never even thought of trying it before. A boy, a girl, preferably who like each other, who would like to come up here and attempt to dance to what George sings . . .

includes The Hook and quotes from Straight No Chaser (Thelonious Monk) and Dragnet (Schumann/Rósza)

FZ: Some of you may know that the tango, which is not a very popular dance anymore, was at one time reputed to be a dance of unbridled passion, back in the old days when it wasn't so easy to get your rocks off, when it was hard to make contact with a member of the . . . opposite camp, and you had to resort to things like dancing close together and going hey . . . Those were the days. Well, those days are probably gone forever, I don't know, unless Nixon is going to bring them back a little bit later, but, we have this very special highly evolved permutated tango. It's actually a perverted tango. By the time . . . Yes, it's so perverted! This is the "Be-Bop Tango," a special entertainment event that includes choreography a little bit later, so watch out, folks . . . You can turn on the big lights, we may need 'em. You know, the ones in the audience. Heh heh heh. Okay, you're ready? Not too fast now 'cause I wanna get the right notes on the tape 'n this, this has to be the one. This has to be the one with all the right notes on it. Okay, 're you ready? 'N this is a hard one to play . . . One, two, three, four . . .

Pe-dop FZ: Do we have anybody whose . . . ? You're one. Okay, what's your name? Carl: Carl. FZ: Your name is Carl? Please, Carl, step on to the stage . . . Pleased to meet you, Carl Pe-do-dum-dee Dum-dee-dum-de-de-dop FZ: Alright. Okay? Let's see, uh . . . is there anybody in the, in the back? Well . . . oh-oh, hey! What's your name? Rick: Rick. FZ: Rick, and?

Jane: Jane. FZ: Jane . . . RICK and JANE and CARL! Alright, here's how it works: There's a beat going on like this; an' that's a pedestrian beat. You don't dance to that beat, you dance to what George sings . . . Peddle-up FZ: Okay? The little ones, okay? The little quick ones, okay? Ready? George, make them dance! Dup FZ: No, no, Rick, you're too reserved. Ready? Give it to 'em George! Pe-dup-dum-dup Dum-dup dum-deddle-do-do-dup Dum-deddle-dup FZ: No . . .

FZ: Now that's more like it Do-um-de-um do-um deddle-doop De-do dee-dap Po-da-dum do-deddle-do-dee-dah Deddle-deddle-dup Twiddle-dep Do-dum-do-deh Do-de-dum de-dep A-doo-be-doo-deh Doo-be-doo-deh Do-be-dop Be-doo-be-do-pe-de-bop Pa-doo-be-deh Pa-doo-do-do-dah Do-doo-do-pe-deh Do-doo-doo-dah Pa-do-pa-doo-pe-dep Do-doo-doo-dah

FZ: No, no, come on now, loosen up! Listen, encourage them! When it, when . . . Ah! Okay! Alright, one more time: dance!

FZ: Lana, you're so good we have to bring up some other people to assist you. Brenda, imported from Edward's Air Force Base, where she . . . Ladies and gentlemen, Brenda . . . Brenda is a PROFESSIONAL HARLOT, and she just got finished stripping for a bunch of guys at Edward's Air Force Base, and she made it down here in time for the show. Two hours of taking it off for the boys in the corps, really good. Okay. Heh. Brenda, Brenda has a lovely assistant named Carl, or Robert James Davis if you prefer. Herb Cohen, ladies and gentlemen! Okay, dance!

Pee-deddle-dup PE-DOP Doop doop dum deddle-de-dup pe-dop dum-de-dee-dah De-dum de-dum do-dee-up Po-dee Po-dee do-dee-dum Do-we-ooh doo-doo-roo-doo De-da-da dee-dah

Du-du-dip Du-dep De-dum de-um-dum Um-deddle-um-deddle De-dum-de-dum Oo-wee-oo-DEP Pe-de-dum de-dum deddle-dop

FZ: Let's study this phenomenon

FZ: You're still too adagio, I keep telling you!

De-dum do-de-dum Do-ah-dee po-dee-DAH De-dum do-de-dum Po-dah-dee po-dee-DAH De-dum do-de-dum Do-dah-dee po-dee-DAH De-dum doddle-dee-oh-du-dup De-dum dup De-dum do-wee-oh-do-dup De-dum doddle-dee-oh-du-dup De-dum doo-wee-ooh dup-du-ep De-deddle-de-deddle-de-dum-du Deddle-de-deddle-dew-du-dup . . .

Be-dum de-dum Do-ah-dee po-dee-DAH Po-dee-DAH . . . Po-dee-DAH . . .

Pe-dum duddle-deddle-dup Do-do-dee-doo Do-dee-DAH

FZ: Now look, Rick and Jane and Carl, you, you're wonderful but you're just too reserved (I still can, Frank!) FZ: I know you will, maybe in a minute. Okay, I'll t-tell you what: Go back to your seats and we'll bring up the next batch, okay? Carl, Rick and Jane! Alright, you wanna try . . . Lana: I'll do anything you say Frank . . . FZ: OH, MY GOD! Awright, your name is Lana, right? Lana, dance! De-dum do-dep dum-deddle-dup De boop Boop bep Do-duddle-do Dep-de-dum De-dum do-de-dum Po-dah-dee-ooh po-dee-DAH

FZ: Turn on the bubble machine! Oop-dwe-DAH Oop-dwe-DAH Deep-dwe-DAH . . . Do-we do-do-de-dum Deddle-de-dum Oo-we-oo-wop-deddle-de-doop Be-deddle-dep um-dep um-dep Um-diddy-up um-dup Deek-ne-dah FZ: God, is that a cheap bubble-machine! Now, wha . . . ? OW, po-eh-doo-dum do-do-DAH-woo Wo-de-um do-doo we-dep Deddle-dup boo-zoo-woo eh-de-DAH-wo-zip FZ: Ladies and gentlemen: DUNT'S EX-WIFE! FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, you're probably sitting in your chairs, saying to yourselves: "I could do that!" And of course you can! And

now is your big chance, all you have to do, first step is easy, all you gotta do is stand up. Go ahead, just stand up. There you go, you are standing up. Yes, some of you are not standing up, but you won't have as much fun as the ones who are standing up. Okay, turn on the big lights so everybody can see what's going on. Yes, very many of you are standing up. Okay, LINK YOUR MIND WITH THE MIND OF GEORGE DUKE! Deddle-du-dup FZ: And when . . . That's it! When he plays those funny fast little notes, twitch around and have a good time with the Be-Bop Tango, let's try it! Anything you wanna do Is alright Wanna do Anything you wanna do Is alright Yes, there, guys, you know you came to the right place

Tonight (Give me some of that wine now) FZ: As you might have guessed, ladies and gentlemen, this is the end of our concert. We'd like to thank you ver . . . would like to thank you very much for coming, hope you had a good time! Bruce Fowler on trombone, Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals, Ruth Underwood on percussion, Ralph Humphrey on drums, Chester Thompson on drums, Tom Fowler on bass And George Duke on the keyboards Thank you very much! Alright (Alright) Alright (Alright) Alright (Alright) Alright (Alright) Alright (Alright) Alright (Alright)

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the album booklet with corrections and additions from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Further corrections and additions by Román, Amy Gregory, Jerry Outlaw, Charles Ulrich and Stu Mark

One Size Fits All (Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention, June 1975) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

Inca Roads 8:45 Can't Afford No Shoes 2:38 Sofa No. 1 2:39 Po-Jama People 7:39 Florentine Pogen 5:27 Evelyn, A Modified Dog 1:04 San Ber'dino 5:57 Andy 6:04 Sofa No. 2 2:42 Produced by Frank Zappa The Record Plant, LA; Caribou, Nederland, Colorado; Paramount Studios, LA December, 1974-April, 1975 Engineers: Kerry McNab, Gary O, Jukka, Michael Braunstein Cal Schenkel Design & Fresco Lynn Lascaro Sofa Upholstery THOSE WHO PLAY THIS: Frank Zappa all guitars, lead vocals on Po-Jama People, Evelyn and Sofa No. 2, bg vocals on other tunes George Duke all keyboards & synthesizers, lead vocals on Inca Roads, Andy and Sofa No. 2, bg vocals on other tunes Napoleon Murphy Brock flute and tenor sax, lead vocals on Florentine Pogen and Andy, bg vocals on other tunes Chester Thompson drums; gorilla victim Tom Fowler bass (when left hand is not broken) Ruth Underwood vibes, marimba, other percussion James "Bird Legs" Youmans bass (on Can't Afford No Shoes) Johnny "Guitar" Watson flambe vocals on the out-choruses of San Ber'dino and Andy Bloodshot Rollin' Red harmonica when present

Guacamole Queen Guacamole Queen Guacamole Queen

1. Inca Roads The Lost Episodes You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life includes a quote from Approximate Basic track: KCET, LA August 27, 1974 Guitar solo: Kulttuuritalo, Helsinki, Finland September 22-23, 1974 Did a vehicle Come from somewhere out there Just to land in the Andes? Was it round And did it have A motor Or was it Something Different George: Sure was different. I ain't never seen nothing like that in my entire life! Napoleon: Whose python boot is that? That ain't my sh-- What? FZ: Why don't you sharpen it then? George: Little round ball . . . I could . . . couldn't . . . That white cain't do nothin' Napoleon: Je-he-zus! Wait a minute! FZ: Mother Mary and Jozuf! Did a vehicle Did a vehicle Did a vehicle Fly along the mountains And find a place to park itself Park it Se-e-e-elf (PARK IT . . . PARK IT) Or did someone Build a place To leave a space For such a thing to land Did a vehicle Come from somewhere out there Did a vehicle come From somewhere out there Did the Indians, first on the bill Carve up the hill Did a booger-bear Come from somewhere out there Just to land in the Andes? Was she round And did she have a motor Or was she something different

At the Armadillo in Austin Texas, her aura, Or did someone build a place Or leave a space for Chester's Thing to land (Chester's Thing . . . on Ruth) Did a booger-bear Come from somewhere out there Did a booger-bear Come from somewhere out there Did the Indians, first on the bill Carve up her hill On Ruth On Ruth That's Ruth 2. Can't Afford No Shoes Caribou Studios, Nederland, Colorado December, 1974 Heh-heh-heh . . . Have you heard the news? (News? What news?) Can't afford no shoes (Ow! Get a deal on tape) Have you heard the news? (News? Can't afford a paper) Can't afford no shoes (Hi-yo-hi) Went to buy some cheap detergent Some emergent nation got my load Got my load Got my toad That I stowed Well, well, Hey lawdy mama, Can't afford no shoes Maybe there's a bundle of rags that I could use Hey anybody, Can you spare a dime If you're really hurtin', a nickel would be fine Hey everybody Nothin' we can buy Chump Hare Rama, ain't no good to try Recession Depression Wah-ooh-wah-ooh WAH-WAH Wah-ooh-wah-ooh WAH-WAH Well, well, Hey lawdy mama, Can't afford no shoes Maybe there's a bundle of rags that I could use Hey anybody, Can you spare a dime If you're really hurtin', a nickel would be fine Hey everybody Nothin' we can buy Chump Hare Rama, ain't no good to try Recession Depression

3. Sofa No. 1 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 One Size Fits All Zappa In New York You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life

4. Po-Jama People Some people's hot Some people's cold Some people's not very Swift to behold Some people do it Some see right through it Some wear pyjamas If only they knew it The pyjama people are boring me to pieces Feel like I am wasting my time They all got flannel up 'n down 'em A little trap-door back aroun' 'em An' some cozy little footies on their mind

Po-jama people! Po-jama people, people! Lawd, they make you sleepy With the things they might say (hey, yeah-hey . . . ) Po-jama people! (Well . . . now) Po-jama people, people! (I said) ARF! ARF! ARF! I wish they'd all go away! Po-jama people! (People!) (Oh, yeah) Po-jama people special . . . (I said, I said, I said) Take one home with you, & save a dollar today Po-jama people! (It's a) Po-jama people, people! (Special) Wrap 'em up An' roll 'em out Get 'em out of my way HOEY! HOEY! HOEY! Wrap 'em up An' roll 'em out Get 'em out of my way HOEY! HOEY! HOEY! Wrap 'em up Roll 'em out Get 'em out of my way HOEY! HOEY! HOEY! (YEAH-HA-HA!)

Po-jama people! Po-jama people, people! They sure do make you sleepy With the things they might say Po-jama people! Po-jama people, people! Mother Mary 'n Jozuf, I wish they'd all go away!

5. Florentine Pogen You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life includes a quote from Louie Louie (Richard Berry)

Po-jama people! It's a po-jama people special . . . Take one home with you, save a dollar today Po-jama people! Po-jama people, people! Wrap 'em up Roll 'em out Get 'em out of my way Hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein HOEY! HOEY! HOEY! Wrap 'em up Roll 'em out Get 'em out of my way Hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein HOEY! HOEY! HOEY! Wrap 'em up Roll 'em out Get 'em out of my way Hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein HOEY! HOEY! HOEY! (Well . . . ) now some people's hot An' some people's cold (Well, Lawd . . . ) an' some people's not very (Very) swift to behold (swifty!) (I told you) some people do it (do it!) (Yes, they do!) (No . . . ) Some see right through it (See right through it!) An' some wear PO-JAMAS If only they knew it The pyjama people are boring me to pieces They make me feel like I am wasting my time They all got flannel up 'n down 'em A little trap-door back aroun' 'em An' some cozy little footies on their mind

Basic track: KCET, LA August 27, 1974 Ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh oh-oh Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah Yow-ooh Yow-yoo-yow La-la la-la la-la la-la Ba-la ba-la na-la She was the daughter of a wealthy Florentine Pogen (You-ooh) Read 'em 'n weep Was here adjustable slogan (Ah-ah-ah-ah-ahh) She was a debutante daisy With a color-note organ Deep in the street She drove a '59 Morgan WOO-LAH! That's the kinda step she takes When her hot breaks hot brakes That's the kinda sound she makes (ooh, let go uh me) When her crab cakes (Arf arf arf)

She didn't like it when her fan belt Shrunk & got shorter (Ointment) Battery leaks could nearly cost her a quarter She didn't want to go home An' watch the pestle go mortar Later she speaks On how Perellis might court her Na-na-na, na-na-noo Na-na-na, yah-ah-hoo Na-na-na, na-na-noo Na-na-na, yah-ah-hoo She was the daughter Ah-ah-ahhh Of a wealthy Florentine Pogen Po-oh-wo-oh-oh Po-oh-wo-oh-oh Po-oh-wo-oh-oh Ga-ya-ee-annnn Read 'em 'n weep Read 'em 'n weep (Take a booger home with you to) Read 'em 'n weep Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-HAH Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-HAH Chester's go-rilla She go oink Chester's go-rilla She go quack Chester's go-rilla She go moo Chester's go-rilla She go Hratche-plche Hratche-plche 6. Evelyn, A Modified Dog Evelyn, a modified dog Viewed the quivering fringe of a special doily Draped across the piano, with some surprise In the darkened room Where the chairs dismayed And the horrible curtains Muffled the rain She could hardly believe her eyes A curious breeze A garlic breath Which sounded like a snore Somewhere near the Steinway (or even from within) Had caused the doily fringe to waft & tremble in the gloom Evelyn, a dog, having undergone Further modification Pondered the significance of short-person behavior In pedal-depressed panchromatic resonance And other highly ambient domains . . . Arf she said

7. San Ber'dino She lives in Mojave in a Winnebago His name is Bobby, he looks like a potato She's in love with a boy From the rodeo Who pulls the rope on the chute When they let those suckers go (Yeah-hey! Suckers!) He got slobberin' drunk at the Palomino They give him thirty days in San Ber'dino Well there's forty-four men Stashed away in Tank "C" An' there's only one shower But it don't apply to Bobby You may think they're Dumb an' lonely But you're wrong 'Cause their love is strong Stacked-up hair An' a cheap little ring They don't care 'Cause it don't mean a thing Looka there . . . They don't care Best-est way that They can feel-o Out on the highway Rollin' a wheel-o He's her Tootsie She's for real-o Trailer park heaven It's a real good deal-o Real good deal-o Real good deal-o Real good deal-o Real good deal-o The rest of their lives In San Ber'dino Gonna spend the rest of their lives In San Ber'dino Gonna spend the rest of their lives Down in San Ber'dino Come on with me Come on with me Come on with me Down in San Ber'dino Just 60 miles, 60 miles Down the San Ber'dino freeway They got some dark green air An' you can choke all day That's right! Gonna spend the rest of their lives Rest of their lives Rest of their lives Say now, Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh Ain't talkin' 'bout the Redlands, no no ZULCH is the auto works I'm tellin' you That's where they take

All the cars that they hurt Come on and let's all go down to San Ber'dino Ooo-ooo Ooo-ooo Ooo-ooo Let's-a go down down down Down in San Ber'dino Wouldja b'lieve it Wouldja b'lieve it now, come on San Ber'dino San Ber'dino San Ber'dino (Got to call it) San Ber'dino (C'mere) San Ber'dino San Ber'dino San Ber'dino San Ber'dino (Oh, God, they all stay there) The rest of their lives In San Ber'dino Oh Bobby, I'm sorry you gotta head like a potato I really am (Get ya!)

Andy de vine (de vine) Had a thong rind (rind) It was sublime (sublime) But the wrong kind Andy de vine (de vine) Had a thong rind (rind) It was sublime (sublime) But the wrong kind Have I aligned With a blown mind Wasted my time On a drawn blind Have I aligned With a blown mind Wasted my time On a drawn blind Oh Andy . . . Andy Andy, Andy Thong rind It was sublime, y'all know The wrong kind, yeah-hah-hah-hah! Our man! 9. Sofa No. 2

8. Andy

Them Or Us You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 One Size Fits All Zappa In New York You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life

The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Is there anything good inside of you If there is, I really wanna know Is there anything Good inside of you If there is I really wanna Know Is there anything Good inside of you If there is I really wanna Know Is there? Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you If there is, I really wanna know-woh-oh-oh-oh -Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you If there is, I really wanna know, really wanna know . . . Something Anything Something Anything Show me a sign If you don't mind Show me a sign If you don't mind Show me a sign If you don't mind Show me a sign If you don't mind Do you know what I'm really telling you Is it something that you can understand Do you know what I'm really telling you Is it something that you can understand Do you know what I'm really telling you Is it something that you can understand Do you know what I'm really telling you Is it something that you can understand

translation I am the heaven I am the water Ich bin der Dreck unter deinen Walzen (Oh no, whip it on me, honey!) Ich bin dein geheimer Schmutz Und verlorenes Metallgeld (Metallgeld) Ich bin deine Ritze Ich bin deine Ritze und Schlitze I am the clouds I am embroidered Ich bin der Autor aller Felgen Und Damast Paspeln Ich bin der Chrome Dinette Ich bin der Chrome Dinette Ich bin Eier aller Arten Ich bin alle Tage und Nächte Ich bin alle Tage und Nächte Ich bin hier (AIEE-AH!) Und du bist mein Sofa Ich bin hier (AIEE-AH!) Und du bist mein Sofa Ich bin hier (AIEE-AH!) Und du bist mein Sofa Yeah-ha-ha-ay Yah-ha Yeah, my Sofa Yeah-ha-hey

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the album booklet German transcription of "Sofa" from Arf: Notes & Comments Corrections and additions by Román, Patrick Neve, AJ Wilkes and Charles Ulrich

Bongo Fury (Zappa/Beefheart/Mothers, October 1975) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

Debra Kadabra 3:54 Carolina Hard-core Ecstasy 5:59 Sam With The Showing Scalp Flat Top (Van Vliet) 2:51 Poofter's Froth Wyoming Plans Ahead 3:03 200 Years Old 4:32 Cucamonga 2:24 Advance Romance 11:17 Man With The Woman Head (Van Vliet) 1:28 Muffin Man 5:32 Produced by Frank Zappa Overdubs and mixing at The Record Plant, L.A. Engineered by Kerry McNab, Mike Braunstein, Kelly Kotera, Mike Stone, Davey Moire and Frank Hubach Photography by John Williams Design: Cal Schenkel MUSIC SUPPLIED BY: Frank Zappa lead guitar, vocals Captain Beefheart harp, vocals, shopping bags George Duke keyboards, vocals Napoleon Murphy Brock sax, vocals Bruce Fowler trombone, fantastic dancing Tom Fowler bass, also dancing Denny Walley slide guitar, vocals Terry Bozzio drums, Chester Thompson drums (on 200 Years Old and Cucamonga) Robert "Frog" Camarena uncredited vocals on Debra Kadabra

1. Debra Kadabra includes quotes from Tico-Tico No Fubá (de Abreu), The Brainiac (Carrión), Dust My Broom (James), Mr. Tambourine Man (Dylan), Pachuko Hop (Haven/Higgins) and All Night Long (Gray) Armadillo World Headquarters, Austin, Texas May 20-21, 1975 Debra Kadabra Say she's a witch Shit-ass Charlotte! Ain't that a bitch? Debra Kadabra-Haw, that's rich! (Ione, a rancho granny Shook her wrinkled fanny . . . ) Shoes are too tight and pointed Shoes are too tight and pointed Ankles sorta puffin' out Cause me to shout: Oh Debra Algebra Ebneezra Kadabra! Witch Goddess, Witch Goddess of Lankershim Boulevard! Cover my entire body with Avon Cologna And drive me to some relative's house in East L.A. (Wooden dog!) (Just till my skin clears up) Turn it to Channel 13 And make me watch the rubber tongue When it comes out From the puffed & flabulent Mexican rubber-goods mask Next time they show The Brnokka Make me buy The Flosser Make me grow Braniac Fingers (But with more hair) Make me kiss your turquoise jewelry! Emboss me! Rub the hot front part of my head With rented unguents! Give me bas-relief! Cast your dancing spell my way I promise to go under it Cast your dancing spell my way I promise to go under it Cast your dancing spell my way I promise to go under it (Oh, hear this!) Cast your dancing spell my way I promise to go under it (Oh, hear this!) Cast your dancing spell my way I promise to go under it (Oh, hear this!) Cast your dancing spell my way I promise to go under it (Oh, hear this!) Learn the Pachuco Hop And let me twirl ya . . . (Learn the Pachuco . . . learn the Pachuco Hop an' lemme twirl you) Oh Debra Fauntleroy-Magnesium Kadabra!

Take me with you . . . Don't you want any of these? 2. Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy FZ:OZ You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 includes a quote from Listen To The Music (Tom Johnston) Armadillo World Headquarters, Austin, Texas May 20-21, 1975 I coulda swore her hair was made of rayon She wore a Milton Bradley Crayon But she was something I could lay on Can't remember what became of me . . . Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy She put a Doobie Brothers tape on (La la la la la-ahh la) I had a Roger Daltrey cape on (A Roger Daltrey cape on) There was a bed I dumped her shape on Can't remember what became of me . . . Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy Somewhat later on I woke up and she was gone There was dew out on the lawn In the sunrise Later she came back With a rumpled paper sack Which she told me would contain A surprise She stuck her hand right in it to the bottom Said she knew I'd be surprised she got 'em Take a Charleston pimp to spot 'em Then she gave a pair of shoes to me . . . Plastic leather, 14 triple D I said: "I wonder what's the shoes for?" She told me: "Don't you worry no more!" And got right down there on the tile floor Now Darling STOMP ALL OVER ME! . . . Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy Is this something new Having people stomp on you? Is it what I need to do For your pleasure? (Yo' pleasure . . . it's . . . uh . . . uh . . . all I need) "What is this, a quiz? Don't you worry what it is It is merely just a moment I can treasure . . . " (What is . . . ?) (You know . . . ) By ten o'clock her arms and legs were rendered She couldn't talk 'cause her mouth had been extendered Looked to me as though she had been blendered

But was this abject misery? No! No! Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy! Well . . . But was this abject misery? No! No! Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy! But was this abject misery? No! No! Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy! It might seem strange to Herb and Dee-Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy! 3. Sam With The Showing Scalp Flat Top (Don Van Vliet) includes quotes from Sweet Leilani (Owens) and Louie Louie (Richard Berry) Armadillo World Headquarters, Austin, Texas May 20-21, 1975 Sam with the showing scalp flat top, Particular about the point it made. (I got it . . . ) Why, when I was knee-high to a grasshopper, This black juice came out on a hard shelled chin. And they called that 'tobacco juice'. I used to fiddle with my back feet music for a black onyx. My entire room absorbed every echo. The music was . . . thud like. The music was . . . thud like. I usually played such things as rough-neck and thug. Opaque melodies that would bug most people. Music from the other side of the fence. A black swan figurine lay on all color lily pads. On a little conglomeration table of pressed black felt. With same color shadows, in seamed knobbed knees, and what-nots. The long hallway rolled out into oddball odd. Beside the fly-pecked black doorway, That looked closed on the tar-lattice street. Up a wrought iron fire escape. Rolled out a tiny wooden platform with dark, hard, dark rubber wheels. Roll, skreek! Roll, skreek! Roll, skreek! Sam with the showing scalp flat top, Particular about the point it made. Sam was a BASKET CASE! A hardened dark ivory clip held . . . saleable everyday pencils. I wish I had a pair 'o bongos! Bongo Fury! Bongo Fury! Oowwwww! Bongo Fury! (Boogie!) Bongo Fury! Bongo Fury . . . Bongo Fury . . . 4. Poofter's Froth Wyoming Plans Ahead Armadillo World Headquarters, Austin, Texas May 20-21, 1975 FZ: While we're at it, we have a sort of a cowboy song we'd like to do for ya. This is a song that deals with the rapidly approaching 200th birthday of the United States of America, ladies and gentlemen! This is a song that warns you in advance that next year everybody is gonna try and sell you things that maybe you shouldn't ought to buy, and not only that, they've been planning it for years.

The name of this song is (pardon me), "Poofters Froth Wyoming Plans Ahead" Poofter's Froth, Wyoming March Eleven Sixty-Seven Take a letter, Ms. Abetter, An' our pigeons Will be homing To our jobbers in Dakota And to Merwyn, Minnesota This is merely just a note about Performance to our quota Well, we've all come out To show dem, An' the Elks have helped us Load 'em . . . Little packets full of jackets Little rackets, little rackets Little Poofter-Cloth Appointments Little Poofter's Froth Anointments Little hoods, little goods Little doo-dads from the woods The entire stock is shipping (Oh, our shod is hardly slipping!) To our markets of the world Our wrinkled pennants are unfurled! T-shirt racks, rubber snacks, Poster rolls with matching tacks, Yes, a special beer for sports, And paper cups that hold two quarts! Everything a nation needs For making hoopla while it feeds The trash compactors, small reactors, Mowers, blowers, throwers & the glowers This is Buy-Cent-Any-All Salute (HYULK!) Two hundred years have gone ka-poot! (Ah but we have been astute!) Signed: Anon. --Wyo. Galoot 5. 200 Years Old Record Plant, LA January-February, 1975 I was sitting in a breakfast room in Allentown, Pennsylvania . . . Six o'clock in the morning . . . Got up too early . . . It was a terrible mistake . . . Sittin' there face-to-face with a 75¢ glass of orange juice About as big as my finger And a bowl of horribly fore-shortened corn flakes And I said to myself "This is the life . . . " She's 200 years old So mean she couldn't grow no lips She's 200 years old So mean she couldn't grow no lips (Boy, she'd be in trouble if she tried to grow a mustache . . . )

She's 200 years old Squatting down And poppin' up In front of the juke box Like she had true religion Boy She's 200 years old Squattin' down Poppin' up Front o' the juke box Just like she'd had true religion Boy Boy, boy, it's 200 years Half of this, none of that Was 50 . . . Oh squat, yeah, oh, now She got religion now, boy Oh, she's 200 years old Oh, she told me She just, she just can't grow no lips Squat Down So mean she Can't grow no lips 200 years old Whaddya mean she can't grow no lips . . . Squattin' down Poppin' up 'n down at the juke box OWW! She got the true religion, boy Boy 6. Cucamonga The Record Plant, LA January 8, 1975 includes a quote from Don't Eat The Yellow Snow Out in Cucamonga Many years ago Near a Holy Roller Church There was once a place Where me and a couple of friends Began practicing for the time We might go (YEAH AH-AH . . . YEAH AH-AH WELL WELL YEAH AH-AH . . . YEAH AH-AH WELL WELL YEAH AH-AH . . . YEAH AH-AH) On TV And as fate would have it Later on we got a chance to play, All we ever really knew All we ever really knew All we ever really knew That it was crazy (Nanook-a, no no) (Yoo-hoo-hoo yoo-hoo yoo!) To be doin' it any other way That it was crazy (Nanook-a, no no) To be doin' it any other way That it was crazy (Nanook-a, no no) To be doin' it any other way Yes, it was CRAZY, CRAZY Ooooh . . . WAH . . . 7. Advance Romance FZ:OZ You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Make A Jazz Noise Here includes quotes from Bacon Fat (Williams/Brown) and All Night Long (Gray) Armadillo World Headquarters, Austin, Texas May 20-21, 1975 No more credit From the liquor store Suit is all dirty, my Shoes is all wore Tired and lonely, my Heart is all sore Advance romance I can't stand it no more, you know Told me she loved me I believed what she said Took me for a sucker, boy All corn-fed Next thing I knew She had a bolt on the door Advance romance I can't use it no more, no, I can't use it She took George's watch Like they always do (It was a Timex, too!) (WAH-HOO-HOO WAH-HAH-HOO-HOO) (Him ashamed on you) No more money, boy I shoulda knew (You know I told ya) (I know you told me) (You didn't listen to me) (But I couldn't listen to you!) Told you 'bout the anchovies . . . (You know what I'm talkin' about!) George Duke! The way she do me, boy She might do you, too The way she do me, boy She might do you, too The way she do me, boy She might do you, too (Look what she did to Denny right now!) (Talk about it!) (I'm chokin' the blues this morning!) ([...]) (Get all over . . . ! My Goodness!) (Old time!) (Chicken was never like this!) All night long All night long All night long All night long All night long All night long All night long All night long All night long All night long All night long All night long

All night long All night long Advance romance (Think about it!) People we . . . are . . . (Yeah, one more time, one time!) Through! But, wait a minute! Potato-head Bobby Was a friend of mine Opened three of his eyes In the food stamp line Opened four of his eyes In the food stamp line Opened five of his eyes In the food stamp line Opened six of his eyes In the food stamp line Oh, you know they told me she might be a devil No, you like them Good God! Did you hear what I said? Evil women Oh, yeah! You know, you know, you know But she sure was fine You like them Oh, yeah! Evil women Growin' up, goin' home! Advance romance (What you gonna do?) He wanna try it one time He said he don't mind, no Later that night He drop on by Told her all he wanna do Was step up and say "Hi" (HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI) Half an hour later She had frenched his fry Advance romance Bobby, say good-bye 8. Man With The Woman Head (Don Van Vliet) Armadillo World Headquarters, Austin, Texas May 20-21, 1975 Are you with me on this, people? The man with the woman head Polynesian wallpaper made the face stand out, a mixture of Oriental and early vaudeville jazz poofter, forming a hard, beetle-like, triangular chin much like a praying mantis. Smoky razor-cut, low on the ear neck profile. The face the color of a nicotine-stained hand. Dark circles collected under the wrinkled, folded eyes, map-like from too much turquoise eyepaint. He showed his old tongue through ill-fitting wooden teeth, stained from too much opium, chipped from the years. The feet, brown wrinkles above straw loafers. A piece of cocoanut in a pink seashell caught the tongue and knotted into thin white strings. Charcoal grey Eisenhower jacket zipped into a load of green ascot.

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the cassette insert (thanks, Biffy!)

A coil of ashes collected on the white-on-yellow dacs. Four slender bones with rings and nails endured the weight of a hard fast black rubber cigarette holder. I could just make out Ace as he carried the tray and mouthed, "You cheap son of a bitch" as a straw fell out of a Coke, cartwheeled into the gutter. So this was a drive-in restaurant in Hollywood, So this was a drive-in restaurant in Hollywood, So this was a drive-in restaurant in Hollywood. 9. Muffin Man FZ:OZ Halloween You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Intro: Record Plant, LA January-February, 1975 The rest: Armadillo World Headquarters, Austin, Texas May 20-21, 1975 The Muffin Man is seated at the table In the laboratory of the Utility Muffin Research Kitchen . . . Reaching for an oversized chrome spoon He gathers an intimate quantity of dried muffin remnants And, brushing his scapular aside, Proceeds to dump these inside of his shirt . . . He turns to us and speaks: "Some people like cupcakes better. I, for one, Care LESS for them!" Arrogantly twisting the sterile canvas snoot of a fully charged icinganointment utensil, He poots forth a quarter-ounce green rosetta Near . . . (Let's try that again . . . ) He poots forth a quarter-ounce green rosetta Near the summit of a dense-but-radiant muffin of his own design Later he says: "Some people . . . some people like cupcakes exclusively, While I myself say there is naught, nor ought there be, Nothing so exalted on the face of God's grey earth As that Prince of Foods . . . The Muffin!" Girl, you thought he was a man But he was a muffin He hung around till you found That he didn't know nuthin' Girl, you thought he was a man But he only was a-puffin' No cries is heard in the night As a result of him stuffin' Girl, you thought he was a man But he was a muffin No cries is heard in the night As a result of him stuffin' FZ: Bruce Fowler on trombone, Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals, Terry Bozzio on drums, Tom Fowler on bass, Denny Walley on slide, George Duke on keyboards, Captain Beefheart on vocals and soprano sax and madness. Thank you very much for coming to the concert tonight. Hope you enjoyed it. Goodnight Austin, Texas, wherever you are!

With additions from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Further corrections and additions by Román, Sean Moore and Charles Ulrich

Zoot Allures (Zappa, October 1976) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

Wind Up Workin' In A Gas Station 2:30 Black Napkins 4:15 The Torture Never Stops 9:45 Ms Pinky 3:40 Find Her Finer 4:07 Friendly Little Finger 4:17 Wonderful Wino (FZ/Simmons) 3:38 Zoot Allures 4:12 Disco Boy 5:10 Produced by Frank Zappa Record Plant, LA c. May-June, 1976 Engineers: Michael Braunstein, Davey Moire Re-mix engineer: Frank Zappa Photography: Gary Heery Design: Cal Schenkel

1. Wind Up Workin' In A Gas Station 2:30

• FZ:OZ • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 FZ--guitar, bass, synth, lead vocal Terry Bozzio--drums Davey Moire--lead vocal, bg. vocal This here song might offend you some If it does, it's because you're dumb That's the way it is where I come from If you've been there too, let me see your thumb Let me see your thumb (Ah, let me see your thumb) Let me see your thumb (Ah, let me see your thumb) Let me see your thumb (Ah, let me see your thumb) Let me see your thumb (Ah, let me see your thumb) Let me see your thumb (Ah, let me see your thumb) Let me see your thumb (Ah, let me see your thumb)

Manny de Camper vants to buy some vite (Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station) (Fish!) Manny de Camper vants to buy some vite (Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station) (Fish!) Manny de Camper vants to buy some vite (Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station) (Fish!) Manny de Camper vants to buy some vite (Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station) (Fish!) Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station 2. Black Napkins 4:15

• Frank Zappa Plays The Music Of Frank Zappa • FZ:OZ • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 • Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Some More • Halloween • Make A Jazz Noise Here

Let me see your thumb (Ah, let me see your thumb) Let me see your thumb (Ah, let me see your thumb)

Kosei Nenkin Kaikan, Osaka, Japan February 3, 1976 FZ--guitar Terry Bozzio--drums André Lewis--organ, vocal Roy Estrada--bass, vocal Napoleon Murphy Brock--vocal

Show me your thumb if you're really dumb Show me your thumb if you're really dumb Show me your thumb if you're really dumb Show me your thumb if you're dumb Hey now, better make a decision Be a moron and keep your position You oughta know now all your education Won't help you no-how, you're gonna . . . Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station Pumpin' the gas every night Pumpin' the gas every night Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station Pumpin' the gas every night Pumpin' the gas every night Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station

Wee-ee-oooh Wee-ee-oooh Wee-ee-oooh Wee-ee-oooh Wee-ee-oooh Wee-ee-oooh Wee-ee-oooh Wee-ee-oooh Wee-ee-oooh Wee-ee-oooh Wee-ee-oooh 3. The Torture Never Stops 9:45

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 • FZ:OZ • Zappa In New York

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 • Thing-Fish • The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life FZ--guitar, bass, keyboards, vocal, director of recreational activities Terry Bozzio--drums Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair Prisoners grumble and piss their clothes and scratch their matted hair A tiny light from a window hole a hundred yards away Is all they ever get to know about the regular life in the day; An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin' 'N weepin' greenish drops In the room where the giant fire puffer works 'N the torture never stops The torture never stops Slime 'n rot, rats 'n snot 'n vomit on the floor Fifty ugly soldiers, man, holdin' spears by the iron door Knives 'n spikes 'n guns 'n the likes of every tool of pain An' a sinister midget with a bucket an' a mop where the blood goes down the drain; An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin' 'N weepin' greenish drops In the room where the giant fire puffer works 'N the torture never stops The torture never stops The torture The torture The torture never stops. Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair An evil prince eats a steamin' pig in a chamber right near there He eats the snouts 'n the trotters first The loin's 'n the groin's is soon dispersed His carvin' style is well rehearsed He stands and shouts All men be cursed All men be cursed All men be cursed All men be cursed And disagree, well no-one durst He's the best of course of all the worst Some wrong been done, he done it first (Well, well) An' he stinks so bad, his bones been chokin' (Yeah) 'N weepin' greenish drops, (Well) In the night of the iron sausage, (Well) Where the torture never stops The torture never stops The torture The torture The torture never stops. Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair Who are all those people that he's locked away up there Are they crazy?, Are they sainted? Are they zeros someone painted?, It has never been explained since at first it was created But a dungeon like a sin Requires naught but lockin' in Of everything that's ever been Look at hers Look at him That's what's the deal we're dealing in That's what's the deal we're dealing in That's what's the deal we're dealing in That's what's the deal we're dealing in

4. Ms Pinky 3:40

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 • Thing-Fish FZ--guitar, bass, synth, lead vocal Terry Bozzio--drums Donnie Vliet--harmonica (uncredited) Ruth Underwood--synth Roy Estrada--bg. vocal I got a girl with a little rubber head Rinse her out every night just before I go to bed She never talk back like a lady might do An' she looks like she loves it every time I get through And her name is P-I-N-K-Y P-I-N, no lie K-Y, me-oh-my She's $69.95 Give her a try P-I-N-K-Y P-I-N I cry K-Y don't be shy $69.95, boy Give her a try Her eyes is all shut in an ecstasy face You can cram it down her throat, people, any old place Throw the little switch on her battery pack You can poot it, you can shoot it till your wife gets back And her name is P-I-N-K-Y P-I-N, I cry K-Y, don't be shy $69.95, boy Give her a try I got a girl with a little rubber head Rinse her out every night just before I go to bed She never talk back like a lady might do An' she looks like she loves it every time I get through Her eyes is all shut in an ecstasy face You can cram it down her throat, people, any old place Throw the little switch on her battery pack You can poot it, you can shoot it till your wife gets back You can poot it, you can shoot it till your wife gets back You can poot it, you can shoot it till your wife gets back You can poot it, you can shoot it till your wife gets back You can poot it, you can shoot it till your wife gets back You can poot it, you can shoot it till your wife gets back 5. Find Her Finer 4:07

• FZ:OZ • The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life FZ--guitar, bass, keyboards, synth, vocal Terry Bozzio--drums, bg. vocal Donnie Vliet--harmonica Roy Estrada--bg. vocal Ruben Ladron de Guevara--bg. vocal Find her finer, sneak up behind her Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her

Find her blinder, see who designed her Act like a dummy till you finally grind her If you should see a girl on the street Now maybe you might think she is sweet But if you wanna tickle her treat Now really, what should you do? (Rat-tat-tat-tat ta-da!) Don't never let her know you are smart The universe is no place to start You gotta play it straight from the heart She gwine renunciate you (That's why you gotta . . . ) Find her finer, sneak up behind her Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her Find her blinder, see who designed her Act like a dummy till you finally grind her Now maybe you might think this is crude And maybe you might think I am rude And maybe this approach I have spewed Is not the one for you (Rat-tat-tat-tat ta-da!) But believe me later on you'll find As you impress her with your mind That you would just be left behind For a wiser fool (So you might as well) Find her finer, sneak up behind her Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her Find her blinder, see who designed her Act like a dummy till you finally grind her Find her finer, sneak up behind her Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her Find her blinder, see who designed her Act like a dummy till you finally grind her Find her finer, sneak up behind her Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her Find her blinder, see who designed her Act like a dummy till you finally grind her Find her finer, sneak up behind her Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her Find her blinder, see who designed her Act like a dummy till you finally grind her Find her finer, sneak up behind her Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her Find her blinder, see who designed her Act like a dummy till you finally grind her 6. Friendly Little Finger 4:17 includes a quote from Bringing In The Sheaves (Shaw/Minor) Basic track: Hofstra University, Hempstead October 26, 1975 FZ--guitar, bass Roy Estrada--drone bass Terry Bozzio--drums Ruth Underwood--marimba, synth

Brass section: Bolic Sound, Inglewood May 30 and June 1, 1973 Ian Underwood--saxophone Bruce Fowler--trombone Sal Marquez--trumpet

7. Wonderful Wino 3:38 (FZ/Jeff Simmons)

• Playground Psychotics • The Lost Episodes Basic guitar track probably recorded at Paramount Studios, LA, 1972; or Bolic Sound, Inglewood, 1973 Brass section recorded at Bolic Sound, Inglewood May 30 and June 1, 1973 FZ--guitars, bass, keyboard, vocal Terry Bozzio--drums + Ian Underwood--saxophone Bruce Fowler--trombone Sal Marquez--trumpet L.A. in the summer of '69 I went downtown and bought me some wine Oh, I drank it down under the table I said: "Watch me now, I'm gonna eat the label!" Well I'm a wino man Don't you know I am? 36, 24, hips about 30 I seen a fine lady and I started talkin' dirty Boy, she looked over at me and she raised her thumb She said: "Jam down the road, you bum-ba-bum-bum" I'm a wino man Don't you know I am? I went to the country And while I was gone I lost control of my body functions On a roller-headed lady's front lawn I'm so ashamed, but I'm a wino man I can't help myself I've been drinkin' all night till my eyes got red Stumbled on the gutter and busted my head Bugs in my zoot suit, been scratchin' like a dog I can't stand no water, and I stink like a hog Give me a five-dollar bill And an overcoat too Give me a five-dollar bill And an overcoat too A five-dollar bill and an overcoat too A five-dollar bill and a Florsheim shoe 8. Zoot Allures 4:12

• FZ:OZ • Frank Zappa Plays The Music Of Frank Zappa • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 • Does Humor Belong In Music? • The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life

FZ--guitar Terry Bozzio--drums Dave Parlato--bass Ruth Underwood--marimba Lou Ann Neill--harp

9. Disco Boy 5:10

• Have I Offended Someone? • Baby Snakes • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 FZ--guitar, bass, keyboards, synth, vocal Terry Bozzio--drums, bg. vocal Davey Moire--bg. vocal André Lewis--bg. vocal Roy Estrada--bg. vocal Sparkie Parker--bg. vocal Disco Boy Run to the toilet, honey, Comb your hair Disco Boy Pucker yer lip, 'N check yer shoulder, 'Cause some dandruff might be Hidin' there! Disco Boy, You're the DISCO KING! Aw, the Disco-Thing Made you think Someday, That you Just might GO SOMEWHERE! Disco Girl! You're 'out-a-site'! You need a Disco Boy To treat you right He'll do a little dance; Take you home tonight (Leave his hair alone, But you can kiss his comb) Disco Boy! Run to the toilet boy, 'N comb your hair Disco Boy! Shake it more than three times 'n yer playin' with it (WOW!) While yer standin' there! (Well . . . )

Disco Boy! Do the Bump every night, 'til the Disco Girl Who's REALLY RIGHT Gonna fall for yer line, 'N feed you a box fulla Chicken Delight! Disco chit-chat; so demure! Pump that booty all across the floor! A disco drink A disco wink "You never go doody!" (That's what you think) "You never go doody!" (That's what you think) "You never go doody!" (That's what you think) Doody Ah, go doody Doody You never go doody Doody You never go doody Doody You never go doody Doody You never go doody Ah, baby, doody No doody Doody Ah, baby, doody Disco Boy! You got one more chance To comb your hair again Disco Boy! They're closin' the bar, And she's leavin' with your friend! Disco Boy, That's the way it goes, So wipe your nose, 'N try it again, To get a little laid tomorrow! Disco Boy, No one understands, But thank THE LORD That you still got hands To help you do that jerkin' that'll Blot out yer Disco Sorrow! It's Disco Love tonight Make sure you look all right It's Disco Love tonight Make sure you look all right

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics for "The Torture Never Stops" from the Zappa In New York booklet and for "Disco Boy" from Baby Snakes' The rest of the original transcriptions from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage with corrections from Arf: Notes & Comments Further corrections and additions by Román, John W. Busher and Charles Ulrich The parts on the original vinyl not on the CD are printed this way

Zappa In New York (Zappa, March 1978) disc 2 disc 1 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Titties & Beer 7:36 Cruisin' For Burgers 9:12 I Promise Not To Come In Your Mouth 3:31 Punky's Whips 10:50 Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me? 4:11 The Illinois Enema Bandit 12:41

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

I'm The Slime 4:24 Pound For A Brown 3:41 Manx Needs Women 1:50 The Black Page Drum Solo/Black Page #1 3:50 Big Leg Emma 2:17 Sofa 2:56 Black Page #2 5:36 The Torture Never Stops 12:34 The Purple Lagoon/Approximate 16:40

December 26-29, 1976 The Palladium, NYC Mix & overdubs: Record Plant, LA Produced by Frank Zappa NYC live remote engineer: Bob Liftin NYC live concert mix: Davey Moire Studio engineers (overdubs): Rick Smith, Davey Moire Package design: John Williams Cover photo: Dweezil Zappa Other photos: Gail Zappa Frank Zappa conductor, lead guitar, vocals Ray White rhythm guitar, vocals Eddie Jobson keyboards, violin, vocals Patrick O'Hearn bass, vocals Terry Bozzio drums, vocals Ruth Underwood percussion, synthesizer, and various humanly impossible overdubs Don Pardo sophisticated narration David Samuels timpani, vibes Randy Brecker trumpet Mike Brecker tenor sax, flute Lou Marini alto sax, flute Ronnie Cuber baritone sax, clarinet Tom Malone trombone, trumpet, piccolo + John Bergamo percussion overdubs Ed Mann percussion overdubs Lou Anne Neill osmotic harp overdub

Terry: Oh, put it away . . . You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?

disc 1 1. Titties & Beer Have I Offended Someone? Läther Baby Snakes It was the blackest night There was no moon in sight You know the stars ain't shinin' 'Cause the sky's too tight I heard the scarey wind I seen some ugly trees There was a werewolf honkin' 'Long the side of me I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me . . . 'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery I noticed even the crickets Were actin' weird up here 'N so I figured I might Just drink a little beer I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on . . . " But there was no reply 'Cause she was gone . . . "Where's those titties I like so well, 'n my goddamn beer!" Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil . . . He's about this big . . . He had a red suit on An' a widow's peak An' then a pointed tail 'N like a sulphur reek Yes, it was him awright, I sweared I knowed it was He had some human flesh Stuck underneath his claws You know, it looked to me Like it was titty skin I said, "You sonofabitch!" 'Cause I was mad at him, Well he just got out his floss 'N started cleanin' his fang So I shot him with my shooter, Said: BANG BANG BANG Then the sucker just laughed 'n said:

FZ: You ate my Chrissy? Terry: Titties 'n all! FZ: Well, what about the beer then, boy? Terry: Ah . . . Were the cans this tall? FZ: Even her boots? Terry: Would I lie to you? FZ: Shit, you musta been hungry! Terry: Yes, this is true. FZ: Don't they pay you good For the stuff that you do? Terry: Well, you know I can't complain when the checks come through . . . FZ: Well I want my Chrissy, 'N I want my beer So you just barf it back up Now, Devil, do you hear? Terry: Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I mean, I am the Devil, Do you understand? Just what will you give me for your Titties and beer? I suppose you noticed this little contract here . . . FZ: Yer goddam right, you Son-of-a-whore

Terry: Don't call me that! FZ: That's about the only reason I learned writin' for . . . Gimme that paper . . . bet yer ass I will sign . . . Because I need a beer, 'N it's titty-squeezin' time! Terry: Man, you can't fool me . . . you ain't that bad . . . I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls that I've had . . . FZ: Oh, yeah? Terry: Why there was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew, too . . . 'N both of those suckers was worse 'n you . . . FZ: Well, let's make a deal if you think that's true I mean, you're the Devil so . . . Whatcha gonna do? Terry: Wait a minute . . . a tinge of doubt crosses my mind when you say that you want to make a deal with me . . . FZ: That's very, very true . . . Terry: Wait . . . you ain't supposed to wanna make a deal with me FZ: Ah, but I'm slightly different than your average customer, Devil ... Terry: But, wait . . . but most people don't want to make a deal with me . . . Wha . . . FZ: Yeah . . . Terry: What's your story? FZ: Well, most people are afraid of you, see? They don't know how stupid you are . . . I happen to know that you jack off to a picture of Punky Meadows when you get home . . . Terry: Grrah . . . Stupid . . . Grrh . . . FZ: You know . . . ever since that guy told you that he contained more fluid than Jeff Beck you've been tryin' to outdo him . . . Awright, look, I'm gonna say one thing to you . . . this may not register right away, but let me say this . . . leave your pickle alone for a couple of nights, you know what I mean . . . ? Now, come on! I'm only interested in a couple of things . . . (Wait, is that a note for me? Is somebody passing me a note? What does this say . . . ? "Frank, please do me a favour, I can't find a brother of mine, I could dig it if you could call him from stage. His name is Dirty Tom Nomads M.C.," signed "Thanks, Bear" or "Bean," I can't tell . . . Well, if he's out there . . . Dirty Tony De La Nomads M.C. get in touch with Bean or Bear . . . ) And as I was sayin', Devil, I'm an average sort of a person, I'm . . . you wouldn't believe it, but . . . I'm very much like the people here in this audience tonight . . . Terry: What? FZ: I think we definitely have something in common . . . Terry: Wait a minute, I thought you had funny things growing in your hair and all that other stuff . . . I thought . . . write weird music, you know, I thought . . . FZ: Listen . . . Terry: . . . biker and everything, I mean, shit, you know? FZ: . . . listen carefully . . . Terry: . . . big tittie chic that you just had out here with the camera, I mean, you know . . . FZ: Listen carefully to me, oh, Devil . . . Terry: Uh-huh . . . FZ: I'm only interested in two things Terry: Yeah . . . FZ: See if you can guess what they are Terry: I would think . . . uh . . . let's see, maybe . . . uh . . . FZ: Well, I'll give you . . . Terry: Stravinsky . . . and, uh . . . FZ: I'll give you two clues . . . Terry: . . . let's see . . . uh . . . FZ: Let go of your pickle

Terry: What? FZ: Let go of your pickle! Terry: I'm not holding my pickle FZ: Well, who's holding your pickle then? Terry: I don't know . . . ha! She's out in the audience . . . Hey, Dale, would you like to come up here and hold my pickle to satisfy this weird man out here on the stage? FZ: You're probably wondering why we call it a pickle . . . Ray: Ha ha ha! Terry: Oh, no . . . FZ: I don't . . . I hate . . . I hate to squeal on you, Bozzio, I mean, Devil . . . but, look, I'm only interested in two things . . . Terry: Now, wait a minute . . . all I have to say is God help me! . . . Even though I have this . . . this fucking mask on . . . FZ: Ha ha ha ha ha . . . ! Listen, if you think that mask looks bad, you oughta see his pickle . . . I'm only interested in two things, that's titties and beer, you know what I mean? Terry: What? FZ: Yeah . . . Terry: Titties and beer? FZ: Titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer . . . Terry: (Growling) Whoa, I don't know if you're the right guy! FZ: . . . titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer . . . Terry: No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think . . . I mean . . . FZ: Alright! Terry: Hold on a second, boy . . . 'Cause that's Magic Ink! And then the Devil let go of his pickle 'N out jumped m'girl They heard the titties PLOP-PLOPPIN' All around the world, she said: "I GOT ME THREE BEERS 'N A FIST FULLA DOWNS, AN' I'M GONNA GET RIPPED, SO FUCK YOU CLOWNS!" Then she gave us the finger, It was rigid 'n stiff, That's when the Devil, he farted An' she went right over the cliff (Whoa . . . Tinsel Time!) Well, the Devil was mad I took off to my pad I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do de . . . FZ: Awright . . . awright, that . . . that's enough for the Devil and his famous pickle . . . We're goin' to make another dramatic if . . . if somewhat . . . rickety segue into another song called Cruisin' For Burgers, wait a minute . . . 2. Cruisin' For Burgers

Uncle Meat Playground Psychotics Make A Jazz Noise Here

Skin doom (Skin doom!) Is what the doctors say

includes quotes from Hawaiian War Chant (Noble/Leileohako/Freed) and Mo 'N Herb's Vacation

I wonder if Punky is rehearsin' today I'll just go over, 'n hear him play His hair is so pretty . . . I'd like to bite his neck I've heard a rumor he's more fluid than Jeff Beck (Dig this . . . ) I AIN'T QUEER I AIN'T GAY (He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay) A wrist array-he-hey (That's all it is)

FZ: One, one, one . . . 3. I Promise Not To Come In Your Mouth Läther

4. Punky's Whips Läther Baby Snakes includes a quote from Isn't It Romantic? (Rodgers/Hart) Don Pardo: In today's rapidly changing world, musical groups appear almost every day with some new promotional device . . . Some of these devices have been known to leave irreparable scars on the minds of foolish young consumers . . . One such case is seated before you . . . live on stage . . . yes, Terry Bozzio . . . Terry: That's meeee! Don Pardo: That cute little drummer . . . Terry recently felt in love with a publicity photo of a boy named Punky Meadows, lead guitar player from a group called ANGEL . . . In the photo, Punky was seen with a beautiful shiny hairdo in a semi-profile which emphasized the pooched out succulence of his insolent pouting rictus ... Terry: Ooh, Punky . . . Don Pardo: The sight of which drove the helpless drummer mad with desire! I can't stand the way he pouts ('Cause he might not be pouting for me!) Hah! Pouting for you? Hah! Punky Meadows? Pouting for you? His hair's so shiny and it's done real nice (Til I squirm with ecstasy!) Punky, Punky, give me your lips To die on . . . Oh, Punky, isn't it romantic? Punky, Punky, give me your lips To die on . . . I promise not to come in your mouth Punky, Punky, your album's the shits It's all wrong . . . but listen, this is no laughing matter I ain't really queer But if he ever got near Steven Tyler would PAY to see! Pay to see Punky's whips, Punky's whips His hair's so shiny, I love his hips I love his teeth, 'n his gums 'n such . . . PUNKY (What's up, baby?) You're an ANGEL . . . (Oh, you know that's the kind of stuff that I like to hear) You're too much He's been havin' a rash (No shit) That keeps the girls away

Punky's lips, Punky's lips Oh, I love his hair, eatin' dunk-y chips Yes, I love his blink and his blank-blank-blank Why, maybe he'd like to yank my crank? YANK IT PUNKY! YANK IT FASTER! YANK IT HARDER! YANK IT ALL NITE LONG! COME ON PUNKY! GET FUNKY! I AIN'T QUEER (NO NO NO NO) I AIN'T GAY (NO NO NO NO) (He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-he-he-he-hey) A wrist array-hey (One more time for the world!) And then he said: I AIN'T QUEER I AIN'T GAY (He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ay-hay) I-I Lord, I-I'm fo-fo-o-o-nd Of chiffo-on In a wrist array-ee-ay-hey I said I-I-I-I-I-I-I I'm a little fo-o-nd Of chiffo-on In a wrist array-hey-ay-ay-hey FZ: Thank you . . . Our birthday boy, Terry Bozzio, sad but true . . . Just a minute . . . 5. Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me? Läther You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me He was the Playboy Type (he smoked a pipe) His fav'rite phrase was "OUTA-SITE!" He had an Irish Setter (Hrtch-a-pltch Hrtch-a-pltch Hrtch-a-pltch Arf!) It was a singles bar, a Tuesday night The moon was dim, the band was tight They did the Bump together

What a splendid sight (Roon doon doon doon) Her teeth were white (Oo-ah oo-oooh) The drinks were cheap (it was Ladies Nite) He was glad that he met her

On the sofa she weeps BOO HOO HOO HOO She weeps and she weeps BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO She weeps and she peeps Through the curtain

She was an office girl ("My name is Betty") Her fav'rite group was HELEN REDDY (They discussed the weather)

He just got in his car But the battery's dead So he asked to use the phone And she gives him some head And that's the end of the story

Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Man! She was a lonely sort, just a little too short Her jokes were dumb and her fav'rite sport Was hockey (in the winter)

Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Man! Baby don't you want a man sometimes? 6. The Legend Of The Illinois Enema Bandit

He was duly impressed and was quick to suggest Any sport with a PUCK had to be 'bout the best As he jabbed his elbow in her (get it honey? Get it?) Later on they went off to where the music was soft, The candles were drippy, they saw a REAL HIPPY Who delivered their dinner The rice was brown, and soon they found That the crowd around that had jammed the room, Well it seemed to be getting thinner Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Man! He took her home to a motor court She would not kiss him, he tried to ignore it, But it made him angry! (Angry! It made me angry! Why it made me so angry I COULD HAVE KILLED THAT LOUSY BITCH!) He called her a slut (Slut slut slut . . . ) A pig (Pig pig pig . . . ) And a whore (Whore whore whore . . . ) A bitch (Bitch bitch bitch . . . ) And a cunt (Cunt cunt cunt . . . ) And she slammed the door (The door!) In a petulant frenzy! (A petulant frenzy! This is a petulant Frenzy! I'm petulant, And I'm having a frenzy!)

FZ:OZ Läther You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 includes a quote from It Can't Happen Here FZ: And now folks, it's time for Don Pardo to deliver our special Illinois Enema Bandit-type announcement. Take it away, Don! Don Pardo: This is a true story about a famous criminal from right around Chicago. This is the story of Michael Kenyon, a man who's serving time at this very moment for the crime of armed robbery. It so happens, that at the time of these robberies, Michael decided to give his female victims a little enema --apparently, there was no law against that. But his name lives on --Michael Kenyon, THE ILLINOIS ENEMA BANDIT! The Illinois Enema Bandit I heard he's on the loose I heard he's on the loose Lord, the pitiful screams Of all them college-educated women . . . He'd just be tyin' 'em up (They'd be all bound down!) Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice The Illinois Enema Bandit I heard it on the news I heard it on the news Bloomington Illinois . . . he has caused some alarm Just sneakin' around there From farm to farm He's got a rubberized bag And a hose on his arm Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump

The Illinois Enema Bandit One day he'll have to pay Some day he'll have to pay The police will say, "You're under arrest!" And the judge would have him for a special guest Then the D.A. will order a secret test Stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest Then they'll put out a call-yooou! for the jury folks (That's you over there) And the judge would say, "No poo-poo jokes!" Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see, Sayin' "Don't nobody, no no, have no sympathy . . . HOT SOAPY WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!" And then the Bandit might say, "Why is everybody lookin' at me?"

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be . . . hey! Talkin' bout the Illinois . . . Illinois . . . Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana . . . ha . . . Ain't talkin' 'bout Po-head-otated . . . ha . . . (I'll try again . . . ) Potato Headed Bobby Talkin' 'bout the Illinois Enema Bandit Yeah yeah yeah FZ: Wait a minute, this is for Roy Estrada, wherever he's

DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY? WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS KINDA MISERY? WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY? Well, one girl shout: "Let the Bandit be!" BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY? BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY? TELL ME NOW, WHAT'S YOUR PLEA? Another girl shout: "Let the fiend go free!" ARE YOU GUILTY? BANDIT, DID YOU DO THESE DEEDS? COME ON, NOW He said, "It must be just what they all need . . . " "It must be just what they all need . . . " (That's right!) "It must be just what they all need . . . " (Over there) "It must be just what they all need . . . " (Help me out now!) "It must be just what they all need . . . " (That's right) "It must be just what they all need . . . "

Wanna-wanna-wannanenema An enema Wanna-wanna-wannanenema An enema I wanna-wanna-wannanenema Eh . . . Take it away! The Illinois Enema Bandit (The Enema Bandit) The Enema Bandit (The Enema Bandit) The Enema Bandit Talkin' bout the Illinois Enema Bandit . . . ( . . . It can't happen here!) Juice! FZ: Awright-awright! Ray White, the assistant Illinois Enema Bandit, live on stage here in New York . . . ! That's it . . . sit right down and make yourselves comfortable . . . disc 2

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "Don't you know it must be just what they all need . . . " (That's it!) He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "Don't you know it must be just what they all need . . . " The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

1. I'm The Slime Over-Nite Sensation You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 One . . . Two . . . Three . . . Four Alright I am gross and perverted I'm obsessed and deranged I have existed for years But very little has changed. I'm the tool of the government And industry too, For I am destined to rule And regulate you. I might be vile and pernicious But you can't look away. I make you think I'm delicious With the stuff that I say. I'm the best you can get. Have you guessed me yet? I am the slime oozin' out from your . . . Take it away Don Pardo

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

YOU WILL OBEY ME WHILE I LEAD YOU AND EAT THE GARBAGE THAT I FEED YOU UNTIL THE DAY THAT WE DON'T NEED YOU

DON'T GO FOR HELP NO-ONE WILL HEED YOU YOUR MIND IS TOTALLY CONTROLLED IT IS STUFFED INTO MY MOLD AND YOU WILL DO AS YOU ARE TOLD UNTIL THE RIGHTS TO YOU ARE SOLD! TAKE IT AWAY, FRANK! Thanks, Don! That's right folks . . . Don't touch that dial. I am the slime from your video Oozin' along on your livin' room floor I am the slime from your video (NO, FRANK! I'M THE SLIME!) You can't stop the slime, people, look at me go. (I'M THE SLIME, I AM THE SLIME) I am the slime from your video Oozin' along on your livin' room floor I am the slime from your video You can't stop the slime, people, look at me go. HA HA HA HA HA! BWAH HA HAH! BWAH HA HAH!

'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah She used to knock me out Until her face broke out There's a big dilemma 'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah There's a big dilemma 'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah She was my steady date Until she put on weight Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Emma (Dip! Too-koo-too koo-too-koo Too-koo-too too-koo-too) Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Emma (Dip! Boogedy boogedy Boogedy boogedy)

(Who was that?) 2. Pound For A Brown Uncle Meat Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 The Yellow Shark FZ: Thank you Don. Don Pardo: Hey, Frank! Hey, I did it, Frank . . . Yay, we did it! Didn't we? FZ: That's right, we did it Don Pardo: Yay, yay, yay FZ: And for our next number . . . 3. Manx Needs Women

4. The Black Page Drum Solo/Black Page #1 Läther Zappa In New York Baby Snakes You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 Make A Jazz Noise Here

5. Big Leg Emma Absolutely Free Läther There's a big dilemma 'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah There's a big dilemma

There's a big dilemma About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah There's a big dilemma About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah She used to knock me out Until her face broke out She used to knock me out Until her face broke out She used to knock me out Until her face broke out FZ: Thank you! 6. Sofa You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 One Size Fits All You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life

7. Black Page #2 Zappa In New York Läther Baby Snakes You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 Make A Jazz Noise Here FZ: All right now, watch this . . . Let me tell you 'bout this song. This song was originally constructed as a drum solo. That's right. Now, after Terry learned how to play "The Black Page" on the drum set, I figured, well, maybe it would be good for other instruments. So I wrote a melody that went along with the drum solo, and that turned into "The Black Page, Part 1, The Hard Version." Then I said, well, what about the other people in the world who might enjoy the melody of "The Black Page" but couldn't really approach its statistical density in its basic form? So, I went to work and constructed a little ditty which is now being set up for you with this little disco type vamp. This is "The Black Page, Part 2, The Easy

Teen-age New York Version." Get down with your bad selves so to speak to "The Black Page, Part 2." FZ: Thank you. Guy In The Audience: Yeah, Frank! FZ: Did anybody dance? 8. The Torture Never Stops You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 FZ:OZ Zoot Allures You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Thing-Fish The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair Prisoners grumble and piss their clothes and scratch their matted hair A tiny light from a window hole a hundred yards away Is all they ever get to know about the regular life in the day; An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin' 'N weepin' greenish drops In the room where the giant fire puffer works Where the torture never stops The torture never stops The torture The torture The torture never stops. Slime 'n rot, rats 'n snot 'n vomit on the floor Fifty ugly soldiers, man, holdin' spears by the iron door Knives 'n spikes 'n guns 'n the likes of every tool of pain An' a sinister midget with a bucket an' a mop where the blood goes down the drain; An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin' 'N weepin' greenish drops In the room where the giant fire puffer works 'N the torture never stops The torture never stops The torture The torture The torture never stops.

The loin's 'n the groin's is soon dispersed His carvin' style is well rehearsed He stands and shouts All men be cursed All men be cursed All men be cursed All men be cursed And disagree, well no-one durst That's right He's the best of course of all the worst He's the best of course of all the worst Some wrong been done, he done it first Some wrong been done, he done it first An' he stinks so bad, his bones been chokin' 'N weepin' greenish drops, In the night of the iron sausage, Where the torture never stops The torture never stops The torture The torture The torture never stops. Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair Who are all these people that he's locked away up there Are they crazy?, Are they sainted? Are they zeros someone painted?, It has never been explained since at first it was created But a dungeon like a sin Requires naught but lockin' in Of everything that's ever been Look at her Look at him Yeah you! That's what's the deal we're dealing in That's what's the deal we're dealing in That's what's the deal we're dealing in That's what's the deal we're dealing in FZ: Thank you! 9. The Purple Lagoon/Approximate Läther

Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair An evil prince eats a steamin' pig in a chamber right near there He eats the snouts 'n the trotters first

includes Approximate and a quote from Blue Monk (Monk)

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the album booklet Corrections and additions from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Further corrections and additions by Román, Nugneant, Christopher Ekman, Thrust Pigmy (lots of 'em), Patrick Neve, Hajje, Charles Ulrich, Uncle Meat, slime.ooftytv.set and Matt Olmos The parts on the CD not on the vinyl are printed this way

Studio Tan (Frank Zappa, September 1978) 1. 2. 3. 4.

The Adventures Of Greggery Peccary 20:34 Revised Music For Guitar And Low-Budget Orchestra 7:36 Lemme Take You To The Beach 2:44 RDNZL 8:13 Produced by Frank Zappa Original art by Gary Panter

1. The Adventures Of Greggery Peccary Joe's Domage Läther includes quotes from Big Swifty (FZ), Chameleon (Jackson/Mason/Maupin/Hancock), Dust My Broom (Elmore James), Entry Of The Gladiators (Julius Fucik), Billy The Mountain (FZ), Louie Louie (Richard Berry), My Three Sons (DeVol), Blessed Relief (FZ) and It Just Might Be A One-Shot Deal (FZ)

Oh, here comes GREGGERY, Little GREGGERY PECCARY The nocturnal gregarious Wild swine . . . Narrator: A peccary is a little pig with a white collar that usually hangs around between Texas and Paraguay, sometimes ranging as far west as Catalina Greggery: Catalina, Catalina, Catalina!

The Record Plant January 3-14, 1975 FZ guitar, vocals George Duke keyboards John Berkman piano Michael Zearott piano Pamela Goldsmith viola Murray Adler violin Sheldon Sanov violin Jerry Kessler cello Edward Meares bass Bruce Fowler trombone Don Waldrop trombone Jock Ellis trombone Dana Hughes bass trombone Earle Dumler oboe JoAnn Caldwell McNab bassoon Mike Altschul flute Graham Young trumpet Jay Daversa trumpet Malcolm McNab trumpet Ray Reed flute Victor Morosco sax John Rotella woodwinds Alan Estes percussion Emil Richards percussion Tom Fowler bass Chester Thompson drums

Narrator: This particular peccary is part of that bold . . . Greggery: Bold . . . Narrator: New . . . Greggery: New . . . Narrator: Breed . . . Greggery: Breeding . . .

Royce Hall, UCLA September 19, 1975

Narrator:

The Abnuceals Emuukha Electric Orchestra

That distinguishes itself by markings which resemble a WIDE TIE directly below the white collar

Narrator:

Greggery:

The adventures of GREGGERY PECCARY! Greggery:

If it's wide enough Everyone will know That the tie I'm wearing Is a symbol

Of how nimble my mind will know Ooh-ooh!

Greggery: Is there any mail for me?

Narrator: Stenographers: (Swank suave!) Greggery: Hoon-hoon hoonna-han Hoonna hoonna Narrator: Look out! Here he comes again!

SWIFTY'S! THIS IS BIG SWIFTY'S! AT BIG SWIFTY'S WE ALL KNOW-OW-OW (WO-WO) YOU'LL GO FOR ANY GIMMICK OR GIZMO! Greggery: WOULDN'T YOU RATHER BE INVOLVED IN A SERIES OF COLORFUL TIME-WASTING TRENDS?

Greggery: Narrator: Oh here comes GREGGERY PECCARY AIR HOCKEY . . . biff . . . dush-h-h! Yes it's cravy, cravy, yeah . . . Stenographers: Hoonna-han Hoonna-han

LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA YOUP YOUP YOUP YOUP

Narrator: Greggery: Every morning, GREGGERY drives his little red Volkswagen to the ugly part of town where they keep the Government Buildings. Greggery: Voodn, Voodn!

IS YOUR WIFE SNORING BY THE SINK? Stenographers: LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA YOUP YOUP YOUP YOUP

Boy it's so hard to find a place to park around here! Greggery: Voo-voo-voo-nya-hoon AIN'T YOUR LIFE BORING, DON'TCHA THINK? Narrator: Stenographers: GREGGERY PECCARY takes the elevator up to the eighty-third floor of a grim, gray, evil-looking building with a sign on the front reading: 'BIG SWIFTY & ASSOCIATES, TREND-MONGERS'. And what, might you ask, is a TREND MONGER? Well, a TREND MONGER is a person who dreams up a TREND (like 'The Twist' --or 'Flower Power'), and spreads it throughout the land, using all the frightening little skills that Science has made available! And so it was, one fateful morning, GREGGERY PECCARY made his way through the Steno Pool . . . Greggery: Hi Mildred! Hello Gladys! WANDA! Narrator: Yes, from the moment they laid eyes on him, all the girls in the BIG SWIFTY Steno Pool KNEW . . . here was a nocturnal, gregarious wild swine ON HIS WAY UP . . . a PECCARY of Destiny, Adventure and ROMANCE . . .

YOUP YOUP YOUP-YOUP-YOUP YOUP YOUP Greggery: LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER WHEN THERE'S SOME LITTLE SOMETHING TO DO! Narrator: Does it matter that this waste of time is what makes a LIFE for you? Hmmmmm? Greggery: I must plummet boldly forward to my ultra-avant laminated, simulated replica-mahogany desk, with the strategically-placed, imported, very hip water pipe, and the latest edition of the WHOLE EARTH CATALOG, and rack my agile mind for a spectacular new TREND, thereby rejuvenating our limping economy, and providing for bored & miserable people everywhere some great new 'THING' to identify with!

Stenographers: WE HAVE GOT THE LITTLE ANSWERS TO THE THINGS THAT MIGHT BE BOTHERING YOU!

PECCARY's exciting new invention had made it possible for everyone to find out HOW OLD THEY WERE! Greggery: What hath GOD wrought?

Greggery: Narrator: WE HAVE GOT YOUR LITTLE TOYS! Stenographers: (WE'RE BUSY MAKIN' 'EM!) BUSY MAKIN' 'EM, WE'RE BUSY MAKIN' 'EM

Unfortunately, there were some people who simply DID NOT WISH TO KNOW, and that's why, on his way home from the office one night, GREGGERY was attacked by a RAGE OF HUNCHMEN! Making his way through the evening traffic, GREGGERY notices that the other vehicles which crowd and bump his little red car are all inhabited by slowly-aging 'VERY HIP YOUNG PEOPLE.'

Greggery: BUSY MAKIN' EM

They appear to be casting sinister glances toward him through their glinting acid burn-out eyeballs, trying to run him off the road, or make him bump into something . . . giving strong evidence of HOSTILE AGGRESSION!

Stenographers: JUST FOR YOU! Yoo-hoo-hoo! Greggery: Highly efficient, Miss Snodgrass!

To elude them, GREGGERY takes the SHORT FOREST EXIT off the expressway. They zoom after him in all manner of cars, trucks, garishly-painted buses, and motorcycles. GREGGERY takes a bumpy trail off the main SHORT FOREST ROAD, which leads him up the side of a FAMOUS (and conveniently placed) MOUNTAIN, and into a strange cave on the edge of a cliff, not far from a LITTLE TWISTED TREE . . . with eyes on it.

Narrator: And with that, GREGGERY turned and strode nonchalantly into his dinky little office with the desk and the catalog and the very hip water pipe, and proceeded, with a vigor and determination known only to piglets of a similarly diminutive proportion, to singlehandedly invent THE CALENDAR! With his eyes rolled heaven-ward, and his little shiny pig-hoofs on the desk, GREGGERY ponders the question of ETERNITY (and fractional divisions thereof), as mysterious ANGELIC VOICES sing to him from a great distance, providing the necessary clues for the construction of this thrilling new TREND! Angelic Voices: SUNDAY Greggery: Sunday? WOW! SUNDAY, SATURDAY . . . TUESDAY THROUGH 'MONDAY - MONDAY'! SUNDAY, SATURDAY

Meanwhile, the enraged HUNCHMEN (and HUNCH-WOMEN) rumble through the SHORT FOREST until (realizing the little swine has escaped), they decide to park their steaming vehicles in a circular pseudo-Wagon Train formation . . . and have a LOVE-IN! Under the influence of a fantastic amount of TRENDY CHEMICAL AMUSEMENT AID, they proceed to perform lewd acts, rip each other off for small personal possessions, and dance with depraved abandon in the vicinity of a six-foot pile of transistor radios (each one tuned to a different station). Greggery: WHAT? Narrator: The HUNCHMEN finally expire from exhaustion, and GREGGERY, who has viewed the proceedings from a safe distance, breathes a sigh of relief . . . Greggery: Phew!

Narrator: Narrator: And thus THE CALENDAR, in all of its colorful disguises was presented to the bored & miserable people everywhere! GREGGERY issued a memo on it, whereupon the entire contents of the Steno Pool identified with it STRENUOUSLY, and WORSHIPPED IT as a WAY OF LIFE, and took their little pills by it, and went back 'n forth from work by it, and paid their rent by it, and before long they were even having BIRTHDAY PARTIES IN THE OFFICE by it, because NOW, AT LAST, GREGGERY

Only to be terrified once again by a roar of immense laughter . . . Billy: HO! HO! HO! Narrator:

Which seems to be rumbling up from the very depths of the cave in which he has hidden his car! Greggery: Good Lord! What was that? Narrator: GREGGERY doesn't realize he has concealed himself inside the very mouth of Billy: HO! HO! HO! Narrator:

GREGGERY receives information that 'The Greatest Living PHILOSTOPHER Known to Mankind' is currently in possession of the very information in question, and, furthermore, this information could be HIS, if only GREGGERY would attend a 'SPECIAL THERAPEUTIC GROUP ASSEMBLY' (Classes now forming), and available at a special low low introductory fee . . . and now, here he is, 'The Greatest Living PHILOSTOPHER Known to Mankind', QUENTIN ROBERT DeNAMELAND! Take it away! Quentin: Folks, as you can see for yourself, the way this clock over here is behaving, TIME IS OF AFFLICTION! Now this might be cause for alarm among a portion of you, as, from a certain experience, I TEND TO PROCLAIM: 'THE EONS ARE CLOSING'! Narrator:

BILLY THE MOUNTAIN!

Make your checks payable to 'QUENTIN ROBERT DeNAMELAND, Greatest Living Philostopher Known to Mankind'!

Billy:

Greggery:

HO! HO! HO!

WHO IS MAKING THOSE NEW BROWN CLOUDS? WHO IS MAKING THOSE CLOUDS THESE DAYS? WHO IS MAKING THOSE NEW BROWN CLOUDS? IF YOU ASK A PHILOSTOPHER, HE'LL SEE THAT YOU PAYS!

Narrator: And, as you all know, whenever BILLY laughs, rocks and boulders hack up, and the air for miles around is filled with tons of dust, forming a series of huge BROWN CLOUDS!

2. Revised Music For Guitar And Low-Budget Orchestra

Greggery:

Playground Psychotics Läther

WHO IS MAKING THOSE NEW BROWN CLOUDS? WHO IS MAKING THOSE CLOUDS THESE DAYS? WHO IS MAKING THOSE NEW BROWN CLOUDS? BETTER ASK A PHILOSTOPHER 'N SEE WHAT HE SAYS!

Band parts: Record Plant, LA January-February, 1975

Narrator: GREGGERY stops at a gas station and makes a mysterious phone call . . . Greggery: IS THIS THE OLD LOFT WITH THE PAINT PEELIN' OFF IT BY THE CHINESE POLICE WHERE THE DOGS ROLL BY? IS THIS WHERE THEY KEEP THE PHILOSTOPHERS NOW, WITH THE RUGS & THE DUST, WHERE THE BOOKS GO TO DIE? HOW MANY YEZ GOT? SAY YEZ GOT QUITE A FEW, JUST SITTIN' AROUND THERE WITH NOTHIN' TO DO? WELL I JUST CALLED YEZ UP 'CAUSE I WANTED TO SEE A PHILOSTOPHER BE OF ASSISTANCE TO ME! Narrator:

FZ guitar, percussion George Duke keyboards Bruce Fowler trombone Tom Fowler bass Chester Thompson drums Orchestra parts: Royce Hall, UCLA September 19, 1975 The Abnuceals Emuukha Electric Orchestra

3. Lemme Take You To The Beach Läther Basic track: Hot Rats Sessions August-September, 1969 Overdubs: Record Plant, LA c. 1976 Davey Moire vocals Frank Zappa guitar, vocals Eddie Jobson keyboards, yodeling Max Bennett bass

Paul Humphrey drums Don Brewer bongos

Lemme take you to the beach again La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-lahhh

Lemme take you to the beach La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la Lemme take you to the beach La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-lahhh

Have a freak out Later we'll peak out You're on restriction So you'll probably sneak out!

Bring the the weenies I'll bring the soft drinks And the cookies Everybody's in love!

4. RDNZL

Lemme take you to a show Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo Lemme take you to a show Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wohhh Eat a candy! You are dandy! Can I kiss you? Maybe I'll just hold your hand-eeee! Lemme take you to the beach again La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from Them Or Us (The Book) with additions from the Reprise Circular and St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Further corrections and additions by Román, Patrick Neve, Didier Mervelet and Matt Olmos

The Lost Episodes You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 Läther You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 Caribou Studios, Nederland, Colorado December, 1974 FZ guitar George Duke keyboards James "Bird Legs" Youmans bass Ruth Underwood percussion, synthesizer Chester Thompson drums

Sleep Dirt (Frank Zappa, January 1979) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

Filthy Habits 7:33 Flambay 4:54 Spider Of Destiny 2:33 Regyptian Strut 4:13 Time Is Money 2:49 Sleep Dirt 3:21 The Ocean Is The Ultimate Solution 13:17 Produced by Frank Zappa UMRK overdubs recording engineer Mark Pinske Original art by Gary Panter

1. Filthy Habits 7:33

• FZ:OZ • Läther • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 Record Plant, LA c. May-June, 1976 FZ--guitars, keyboards Dave Parlato--bass Terry Bozzio--drums

From a Queen On a throne To a SHRIVELLING STOOL! Here I stand, All alone: A SPIDER'S FOOL! (When it's ME he needs To fondle his tool!) I guess some Bugs Are just THAT WAY! He don't really need your love He don't really NEED you . . .

2. Flambay 4:54

• Läther Basic track: Caribou Studios, Nederland, Colorado December, 1974 Bass overdubs: Record Plant, LA c. 1976 Vocal and drum overdubs: UMRK c. 1981-84

Thana Harris--vocals (CD) George Duke--keyboards Patrick O'Hearn--string bass Ruth Underwood--percussion Chester Thompson--drums (LP) Chad Wackerman--drums (CD) He used to be very kind . . . (In his own crude way) He wasn't always like I wanted him to be! He wasn't smart He wasn't handsome either But he thrilled me When he drilled me And I've never loved a monster quite like HE . . . Because his Love Was so 'FLAM-BAY'! His kisses burned me so His kisses turned me

To be there When his hair Gets matted and gray, With a broom Cleaning his room, From the mess he made that day Out of earthling arms He nibbled away! Oh HUNCHENTOOT, my love How could you desert me now? Oh, HUNCHENTOOT you brute! Can't you see I WANT you Stay with me! FLAGRANTLY! And we'll have ECSTASY For ALL ETERNITY! Because your Love Is so 'FLAM-BAY' You kisses burn me so! Your kisses turn me From a Queen On a throne To a SHRIVELLING STOOL! I don't mind If you're unkind, 'cause SPIDERS RULE! Yes, YOU'RE ALL REAL COOL, With those little WEBS you SPOOL, And all your 'SPIDER DROOL' . . . Oh! Let me float in your pool! 3. Spider Of Destiny 2:33

• Läther Basic track: Caribou Studios, Nederland, Colorado December, 1974 Bass overdubs: Record Plant, LA c. 1976 Vocal and drum overdubs: UMRK c. 1981-84

Ruth Underwood--percussion Chester Thompson--drums (LP & original CD) Chad Wackerman--drums (1995 CD)

5. Time Is Money 2:49

• Läther Basic track: Caribou Studios, Nederland, Colorado December, 1974 Vocal overdubs: UMRK c. 1981-84

FZ--guitar Thana Harris--vocals (CD) George Duke--keyboards Patrick O'Hearn--string bass Ruth Underwood--percussion Chester Thompson--drums (LP) Chad Wackerman--drums (CD) Listen carefully, SPIDER OF DESTINY! You must heed the call Of COSMO-BIOLOGY! Listen to me! If you eat the Earthlings now, Things will all be fine, AND THEN, We'll repair our love somehow, And resume the busy schedule Of our RUTHLESS CONQUEST once again! Listen carefully, SPIDER OF DESTINY! I will not allow This marvellous OPPORTUNITY To be taken from me! TAKEN from me! EAT THE EARTH PEOPLE! EAT THEM, AND CHEW THEM, AND BRUTALLY STOMP ON THE REST OF WHAT'S LEFT AND THEN REPORT TO ME . . . FOR THE CONQUEST OF EARTH, (AND THE MOON AND THE STARS), AND THE SPACE IN BETWEEN ALL THE COMETS AND STUFF WILL BE OURS! EAT THE EARTH PEOPLE! EAT THEM, AND CHEW THEM, AND BRUTALLY STOMP ON THE REST OF WHAT'S LEFT STOMP ON THE REST OF WHAT'S LEFT STOMP ON THE REST OF WHAT'S LEFT 4. Regyptian Strut 4:13

• Läther Basic track: Caribou Studios, Nederland, Colorado December, 1974 Drum overdubs: UMRK c. 1981-84

FZ--guitar Thana Harris--vocals (CD) George Duke--keyboards, synth bass Ruth Underwood--percussion Chester Thompson--drums Time is money . . . But Space is a long, long time! Perhaps you are surprised To see I speak your language? But I have been monitoring Your Earthly broadcasts for Many years . . . For many years . . . And the reception on my little planet Is extremely fine! Time is money . . . Space is a long, long time! On my lonely throne In the cosmic night I ponder the vast expanses Between your puny world and mine! From my Couch-In-The-Sky, As my planet goes by, I behold all your misery below there! I have seen all your lying, And crying, and dying, And, believe me, YOUR planet is NOWHERE! SPACE is a VERY LONG TIME! (And if the equation, As set forth above, Is PROVED when we get to The BOTTOM LINE . . . The 'Powers Financial' I'll hold o'er your world Will complete my fantastic design!) And the whole 'EQUIVALENT EARTH' SHALL BE MINE! And the whole 'EQUIVALENT EARTH' SHALL BE MINE! And the whole 'EQUIVALENT EARTH' SHALL BE MINE!

FZ--percussion George Duke--keyboards Bruce Fowler--all brass James "Bird Legs" Youmans--bass

MINE! MINE!

Bird Legs: Damn! FZ: Gettin' tired? Bird Legs: No, unh-unh . . . my fingers got stuck!

MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!

7. The Ocean Is The Ultimate Solution 13:17

• Läther 6. Sleep Dirt 3:21 Caribou Studios, Nederland, Colorado December, 1974 FZ--acoustic lead guitar James "Bird Legs" Youmans--acoustic rhythm guitar FZ: Arf . . . Bird Legs: About that tempo? FZ: Mm-hm

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from Them Or Us (The Book) Additions ("Sleep Dirt" voices) from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Further corrections and additions by Román, Bossk (R) and Charles Ulrich

Record Plant, LA c. 1976 FZ--guitar, synthesizer Patrick O'Hearn--string bass, electric bass Terry Bozzio--drums [6:41] O'Hearn: Damn it!

Produced by Frank Zappa Sheik Yerbouti (Frank Zappa, March 1979) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18.

I Have Been In You 3:34 Flakes 6:41 Broken Hearts Are For Assholes 3:42 I'm So Cute 3:09 Jones Crusher 2:49 What Ever Happened To All The Fun In The World 0:33 Rat Tomago 5:17 Wait A Minute 0:31 Bobby Brown Goes Down 2:49 Rubber Shirt (FZ/Bozzio/O'Hearn) 2:43 The Sheik Yerbouti Tango 3:58 Baby Snakes 1:50 Tryin' To Grow A Chin 3:32 City Of Tiny Lites 5:31 Dancin' Fool 3:43 Jewish Princess 3:16 Wild Love 4:09 Yo' Mama 12:35

Engineers for basic tracks: Peter Henderson, Davey Moire, Claus Wiedemann, Kerry McNab Overdub engineer: Joe Chiccarelli Re-mix engineers: Joe Chiccarelli, Frank Zappa; assistant: Barbara Issak Studio facilities: The Village Recorders Art director: John Williams Cover photos: Lynn Goldsmith Inside photo: Gail Zappa Frank Zappa lead guitar, vocals Adrian Belew rhythm guitar, vocals Tommy Mars keyboards, vocals Peter Wolf keyboards, butter Patrick O'Hearn bass, vocals Terry Bozzio drums, vocals Ed Mann percussion, vocals David Ocker clarinets on Wild Love Napoleon M. Brock background vocals André Lewis background vocals Randy Thornton background vocals Davey Moire background vocals

1. I Have Been In You You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Basic track: Hammersmith Odeon, London January 25, 1978 Well, I have been in you, baby You Have been in me And we Have be So intimately Entwined And it sure was fine I have been in you, baby You Have been in me And so you see We Have be so together I thought that we would never Return from forever Return from forever Return from forever . . . You Have been in me And understandably I have been in 'n outa you (In 'n outa you, in 'n outa yoo-oo-ou) An' everywhere You want me to (In 'n outa yoo-oo-oo-ou) Yes, you know it's true; And while I was inside I mighta been Undignified And that is maybe Why you cried I don't know Maybe so, But what's the difference now? I have been in you, baby You have been in me Aw' little girl, there ain't no time To wash yer stinky hand Go 'head 'n roll over I'm goin' in you again In you again In you again In you again . . . I'm goin' in you again-ahhh In you again, ah! I'm goin' in you again-ahhh

In you again, ah! I'm goin' in you again-ahhh In you again, ah! I'm goin' in you again-ahhh In you again, ah! I'm going in you again, baby You can go in me too, That's true I'm goin' in you again, baby 'N later when we get through I'm goin' in you again-ahh In you again, ah! In you again-ahh I'm goin' in you again, ah! In you again-ahh I'm goin' in you again, ah! In you again-ahh I'm goin' in you again, ah! 2. Flakes Basic track: Hammersmith Odeon, London January 25, 1978 Flakes! Flakes! Flakes! Flakes! They don't do no good They never be workin' When they oughta should They waste your time They're wastin' mine California's got the most of them Boy, they got a host of them Swear t'God they got the most At every business on the coast Swear t'God they got the most At every business on the coast They got the Flakes Flakes! Flakes! They can't fix yer brakes You ask 'em, "Where's my motor?" "Well, it was eaten by snakes . . . " You can stab 'n shoot 'n spit But they won't be fixin' it They're lyin' an' lazy They can be drivin' you crazy Swear t'God they got the most At every business on the coast Swear t'God they got the most At every business on the coast (Take it away, Bob . . . ) I asked as nice as I could If my job would Somehow be finished by Friday Well, the whole damn weekend

Came 'n went, Frankie (Wanna buy some mandies, Bob?) You know what? They didn't do nothin' But they charged me double for Sunday Now, you know, no matter what you do, They gonna cheat 'n rob you 'N then they'll give you a bill 'N it'll get your senses reelin' And if you do not pay They got computer collectors That'll get you so crazy 'Til your head'll go through th' ceilin' Yes it will! I'm a moron 'n this is my wife She's frosting a cake With a paper knife All what we got here's American made It's a little bit cheesey, But it's nicely displayed Well we don't get excited when it Crumbles 'n breaks We just get on the phone And call up some Flakes They rush on over 'N wreck it some more 'N we are so dumb They're linin' up at our door Well, my toilet went crazy Yesterday afternoon The plumber he says "Never flush a tampoon!" This great information Cost me half a week's pay And the toilet blew up Later on the next day ay-eee-ay Yeah ay-eee-ay Yeah ay-eee-ay Yeah ay-eee-ay Blew up the next day WOO-OOO One Two Three Four! Flakes! Flakes! Flakes! Flakes! Flakes! Flakes! One Two Three Four! FLAKES! We are millions 'n millions We're coming to get you We're protected by unions So don't let it upset you Can't escape the conclusion It's probably God's Will That civilization Will grind to a standstill And we are the people Who will make it all happen While yer children is sleepin', Yer puppy is crappin' You might call us Flakes Or something else you might coin us We know you're so greedy That you'll probably join us We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you

3. Broken Hearts Are For Assholes Läther Basic track: Hammersmith Odeon, London January 28, 1978 Hey, now, hey! Hey! Do you know what you are? You're an asshole! ASSHOLE! Some of you might not agree 'Cause you probably likes a lot of misery But think a while and you will see . . . Broken hearts are for assholes Broken hearts are for assholes Are you an asshole? Broken hearts are for assholes Are you an asshole too? Whatcha gonna do, 'cause you're an asshole . . . No no no, yeah yeah yeah I said You . . . are . . . an ASSHOLE! Maybe you think you're a lonely guy 'N maybe you think you're too tough to cry So you went to The Grape, Just to give it a try And Dagmar Without a doubt, the ugliest sonofabitch I've ever seen in my life Was his name . . . One Two Three Four! The whiskers sticking out from underneath of his Pancake make-up And yet he was a beautiful lady Nearly drove you insane Let's talk about Leather: LEATHERRRRRR And so you kissed a little sailor Tex Abel, starring in the latest Shepperton Production: Who had just blew in from Spain "Sir Richard Pump-A-Loaf" You sniffed the reeking buns of Angel The tale of a demented bread-boffer And acted like it was cocaine Cucumber pud annexed to a fine whole-wheat loaf You were dazzled by the exciting new costume of Ko-Ko Then on Tuesday night, Ceasar's back in town In a way you can't explain Facing off in a no-holds-barred tag team grudge match With Kona . . . And so you worked the wall with Michael Three-hundred and seventy-nine pounds of Samoan dynamite Which gave your back an awful strain Volcanic Hell But you came back on Sunday for the gong shows Next Thursday, teen town's finest But you forgot what I was sayin' 'Cause you're an asshole, You're an asshole That's right You're an asshole, you're an asshole Yes, yes You're an asshole, you're an asshole That's right You're an asshole, you're an asshole Well, now you been to The Grape, been to The Chest Now I think you know what you are: you're an asshole You say you can't live with what you've been through Well, ladies you can be an asshole too You might pretend you ain't got one on the bottom of you But don't fool yerself girl

It's lookin' at you Don't fool yerself girl It's winkin' at you Don't fool yerself girl It's blinkin' at you That's why I say I'm gonna ram it, ram it, ram it Ram it up yer poop chute Corn hole Ram it, ram it, ram it Ram it up yer poop chute Fist fuck Ram it, ram it, ram it Ram it up yer poop chute Wrist-watch: Crisco Ram it, ram it, ram it Ram it up yer poop chute Pud! Don't fool yerself, girl, It's goin' right up yer poop chute Don't fool yerself, girl, It's goin' right up yer poop chute Don't fool yerself, girl, It's goin' right up yer poop chute (Ay ay ay ay) Don't fool yerself, girl, It's goin' right up yer poop chute (Ay ay ay ay) Don't fool yerself, girl, It's goin' right up yer poooop chute (Ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay) Don't fool yerself, girl, It's goin' right up yer . . . 4. I'm So Cute You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Basic track: Hammersmith Odeon, London January 24-28 or February 27-28, 1978 Aw, I knew you'd be surprised . . . One Two Three Four! Feelin' sorry Feelin' sad So many ugly people I feel bad I'm so cute They're so homely Some of them At home 'n lonely Wish they could be Very cute like me They will never Get to be Some folks got it Some folks don't Some so ugly They never won't Everybody See his hair See his clothes I'm sure you care Terry Ted Is really sweet Watch the way he keep the beat Sweet as honey He's a piece of cake From the ginseng root 'N stuff he take Vitamin E

'N all the B's He's so cool he'll make you freeze Make you freeze Make you freeze Excuse me please Step aside I'm gonna ride I'm gonna strut I'm gonna slide Hey, ugly folks, Go get some cyanide An' die DIE DIE DIE DIE A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen A-rennda-rennda-rahhh A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen A-rennda-rennda-rahhh A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen A-rennda-rennda-rahhh A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen A-rennda-rennda-rahhh Ugly is bad And bad is wrong And wrong is sinful And sin leads to eternal damnation An' hot burnin' fire Hot burnin' fire Hot burnin' fire Hot burnin' fire Screams of agony Screams of agony Screams of agony Screams of agony Arrrrrrghhhhhhh! One Two Three Four! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! (etc. repeats) Aaaaaah . . . I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! Aaaaaah . . . I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so . . . I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute!

Hey, look out for them the deadly jaws! Aw, can you tell it, baby, OOOUUUCH!

I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute!

Oh, jones . . .

I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm really cute! I'm really cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute!

6. What Ever Happened To All The Fun In The World Läther includes a quote from Bogus Pomp ('83 version) Terry Bozzio voice Patrick O'Hearn voice Davey Moire voice

I'm so cute! I'm so . . . 5. Jones Crusher Baby Snakes Basic track: The Palladium, NYC October 28-31, 1977 My baby's got Jones crushin' love Jones crushin' love Jones crushin' love Well my baby's got Jones crushin' love Jones crushin' love Jones crushin' love She don't merely fit like a glove That little girl's got the jones That little girl's got the jones She's tryin' to Grind up my jones Grind up my jones Grind up my jones Well, she's tryin' to Grind up my jones Grind up my jones Grind up my jones She don't never wanna leave it alone She can push; she can shove Till it's just a nub She can push; she can shove Till it's just a nub Just a nub Just a nub Here she comes With her red dress on Steam shoots out From the sprinklers on the lawn The eyes be rollin' On the concrete fawn The wind can't blow 'Cause the sky is gone The wind can't blow 'Cause the sky is gone The wind can't blow 'Cause the sky is gone The wind can't blow 'Cause the sky is gone Jones crusher, jones crusher Deadly jaws, better get the gauze She's a jones crusher, jones crusher Deadly jaws, better get the gauze She's a . . . mmmh . . . ouch!

Moire: What ever happened to all the fun in the world? Louis The Turkey?: Uh . . . heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh . . . Bozzio: Larry's not with us any more; he went on y'know O'Hearn: Yeah Bozzio: Yeah He bit the big one O'Hearn: Hah-hah! Bozzio: Ahem Yeah Well, he's got his own little piece of heaven now O'Hearn: Hhh! Hah-hah-hah . . . 7. Rat Tomago includes part of the leather conversation Guitar solo from The Torture Never Stops Deutschlandhalle, Berlin February 15, 1978 O'Hearn: Oh-ooh-h listen to him go! 8. We've Got To Get Into Something Real Läther Terry Bozzio voice Patrick O'Hearn voice Davey Moire voice Bozzio: Wait a minute; we gotta get somethin' happenin' here He's in there spendin' thousands of dollars 'n shit . . . We should make this worthwhile We should We should get into something REAL

O'Hearn: Ho Ho

And my name is Bobby Brown Watch me now; I'm goin' down, And my name is Bobby Brown Watch me now; I'm goin' down, And my name is Bobby Brown Watch me now; I'm goin' down

Moire: LEATHER! Bozzio: No, man, he's not interested in Leather . . . shit That shit's been fuckin' rubbed in the ground Hmmmm Christ, that's goin' on two tours old now . . . We gotta come up with some new shit . . . 9. Bobby Brown

Ha-ha . . . O'Hearn: Yeah . . . I knew you'd be surprised . . . 10. Rubber Shirt (Zappa, Bozzio, O'Hearn)

Have I Offended Someone? You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 includes part of the leather conversation

11. The Sheik Yerbouti Tango includes part of the leather conversation

Basic track: Hammersmith Odeon, London January 24-28 or February 27-28, 1978 Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown They say I'm the cutest boy in town My car is fast, my teeth is shiney I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie Here I am at a famous school I'm dressin' sharp 'n I'm Actin' cool I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper Let her do all the work 'n maybe later I'll rape her Oh God I am the American dream I do not think I'm too extreme An' I'm a handsome sonofabitch I'm gonna get a good job 'n be real rich (Get a good, get a good, get a good, get a good job) Women's Liberation Came creepin' across the nation I tell you people, I was not ready When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie She made a little speech then, Aw, she tried to make me say when She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick Oh God I am the American dream (P.U.) But now I smell like Vaseline An' I'm a miserable sonofabitch Am I a boy or a lady . . . I don't know which (I wonder wonder, wonder wonder) So I went out 'n bought me a leisure suit I jingle my change, but I'm still kinda cute Got a job doin' radio promo An' none of the jocks can even tell I'm a homo Eventually me 'n a friend Sorta of drifted along into S&M I can take about an hour on the tower of power 'Long as I gets a little golden shower Oh God I am the American dream With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream An' I'll do anything to get ahead I lay awake nights sayin', "Thank you, Fred!" Oh God, Oh God, I'm so fantastic! Thanks to Freddie, I'm a sexual spastic

Guitar solo from The Little House I Used To Live In Deutschlandhalle, Berlin February 15, 1978 O'Hearn: Why don't you take it down to C-sharp, Ernie? 12. Baby Snakes Baby Snakes Basic track: Hammersmith Odeon, London February 28, 1978 Baby Snakes Late at night is when they come out Baby Snakes Sure you know what I'm talkin' about Pink 'n wet They make the best kinda pet Baby Baby Snakes I looked around An' there's a couple right near me Baby Snakes Maybe I think they can probably hear me Pink 'n wet I'll take all I can get Baby Baby Baby Sna-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-kes, Yeah They live in a ho-ho-ho-ho-hole (Tiny hole) That is usually empty (Usually empty; tiny too) They live by a co-co-a-co-a-co-co-a-code (Dit dit dit dit) (Dit dit dit dit) (Dit dit dit dit) (Dit dit dit dit) That is usually SMPTE Which stands for Society of Motion Picture & Television Engineers But maybe I think That is what keeps them in sync

They're wet 'n they're pink I think I'll give 'em a, give 'em a, Give 'em a drink Baby Sna-a-a-a-a-akesss 13. Tryin' To Grow A Chin Läther You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Basic track: Hammersmith Odeon, London January 24-28 or February 27-28, 1978

'Cause that would thrill me (Kill me) I wanna be dead (Thrill me) In bed (Thrill me) Please kill me (Will somebody) 'Cause that would thrill me (Kill me) I wanna be dead (Thrill me) In bed (Yea-ah-ow!) Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me One more time for the world!

Hey! I'm only fourteen Sickly 'n thin Tried all of my life Just to grow me a chin It popped out once Yeah, but my dad pushed it in Tell me, why did he hurt me? Lord, he's my next of kin . . . He's a mex-i-kin I'm lonely 'n green; Too small for my shirt If Simmons was here I could feature my hurt Scared of the future 'N I hope I don't grow Listen, I know nobody likes me 'Cause everywhere that I go They say NO They say NO They say NO NO They say NO Now I am older Got a place in the town, babe Got a chin on my shoulder 'N it keeps growing down 'n down 'n down I'm horny 'n lonely 'N I wish I was dead Somebody tell me Why am I livin'? Lord, I wanna be dead instead That's right, I said I wanna be dead instead Now dig this: I wanna be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me (Get the picture?) I wanna be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I wanna be dead (Yes, I wanna be dead instead) In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me (Be dead in bed, yeah) I wanna be dead (Ow . . . ) In bed (Yes it sure is my name, it's Terry Ted, Terry Ted) Please kill me

I wanna be dead (Yeah-hey!) In bed (I wanna be dead instead) Please kill me (Be dead in bed) 'Cause that would thrill me I wanna be dead (Come on, little girl) In bed (Gimme some head, hey-hey-hey) Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I wanna be dead ('Cause I'm only fourteen) In bed (Sickly 'n thin) Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I wanna be dead (Too small for my shirt) In bed (Feature my hurt) Please kill me (Yeah-hey!) 'Cause that would thrill me 14. City Of Tiny Lights You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 Make A Jazz Noise Here Basic track: Hammersmith Odeon, London January 24-28 or February 27-28, 1978 City of tiny lites Don't you wanna go Hear the tiny auto horns When they tiny blow Tiny lightnin' In the storm Tiny blankets Keep you warm Tiny pillows Tiny tiny tiny tiny sheets Talkin' bout them tiny cookies That the peoples eat City of tiny lites Maybe you should know That it's over there In the tiny dirt somewhere You can see it any time When you get the squints

From your downers and your wine You're so big It's so tiny Every cloud is silver line-y The great escape for all of you Tiny is as tiny do Tiny is as tiny do Tiny is as tiny do Tiny is as tiny do City of tiny lites Don't you wanna go Hear the tiny auto horns When they tiny blow Tiny lightnin' In the storm Tiny blankets Keep you warm Tiny pillows Tiny tiny tiny tiny sheets Talkin' bout them tiny cookies That the peoples eats That the peoples eats That the peoples eats That the peoples eats And it's over there And It's over there And It's over there And It's over there 15. Dancin' Fool Halloween You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 includes part of the leather conversation Basic track: Hammersmith Odeon, London February 28, 1978 I don't know much about dancin' That's why I got this song One of my legs is shorter than the other 'N both my feet's too long 'Course now right along with 'em I got no natural rhythm But I go dancin' every night Hopin' one day I might get it right I'm a dancin' fool (Dancin' fool) I'm a Dancin' fool I'm a Dancin' fool (Dancin' fool) I'm a Dancin' fool I hear that beat; I jump outa my seat But I can't compete, 'cause I'm a Dancin' fool (Dancin' fool) I'm a Dancin' fool The disco folks all dressed up Like they's fit to kill I walk on in 'n see 'em there Gonna give them all a thrill When they see me comin' They all steps aside They has a fit while I commit

My social suicide, I'm a Dancin' fool (Dancin' fool) I'm a Dancin' fool I'm a Dancin' fool (Dancin' fool) I'm a Dancin' fool The beat goes on And I'm so wrong The beat goes on And I'm so wrong The beat goes on And I'm so wrong The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong I may be totally wrong, but I'm a Dancin' fool, I may be totally wrong, but I'm a Dancin' fool Yowsa, yowsa, yowsa I got it all together now With my very own disco clothes, hey! My shirt's half open, t'show you my chain 'N the spoon for up my nose I am really somethin' That's what you'd probably say So smoke your little smoke Drink your little drink While I dance the night away, I'm a Dancin' fool, I'm a Dancin' fool, I'm a Dancin' fool, I'm a Dancin' fool, HE'S A DANCIN' FOOL I may be totally wrong but I'm a I may be totally wrong but I'm a I may be totally wrong but I'm a I may be totally wrong but I'm a FOOL-uh! Hey darlin' . . . can I buy ya a coupla drinks? (Ki-ni-shinai!) Lookin' for Mister Goodbar? Here he is . . . Wait a minute . . . I've got it . . . you're an Italian! (Ki-ni-shinai!) Hah? Yer Jewish? Oh, love your nails . . . (Ki-ni-shinai!) You must be a Libra . . . Your place or mine? O'Hearn: Heh heh heh ye-yes! 16. Jewish Princess Have I Offended Someone? Basic track: The Palladium, NYC October 30, 1977 I want a nasty little Jewish Princess (La-la-la) With long phony nails and a hairdo that rinses

(Wee-oo-oo) A horny little Jewish Princess With a garlic aroma that could level Tacoma (FA!) Lonely inside Well, she can swallow my pride I need a hairy little Jewish Princess (La-la-la) With a brand new nose (Oo-ee-oo) Who knows where it goes I want a steamy little Jewish Princess (KSSS!) With over-worked gums, who squeaks when she cums I don't want no troll I just want a Yemenite hole I want a darling little Jewish Princess (La-la-la) Who don't know shit about cooking and is arrogant looking (Woo-eee-ooo) A vicious little Jewish Princess To specifically happen with a pee-pee that's snappin' All up inside I just want a Princess to ride Awright, back to the top . . . (Hi-Yo, Silver! Away!) Everybody twist! I want a funky little Jewish Princess (La-la-la) A grinder; a bumper, with a pre-moistened dumper A brazen little Jewish Princess (HI-YO!) With titanic tits (WHOAH!) And sand-blasted zits She can even be poor So long as she does it with four on the floor (Vapor-lock) I want a dainty little Jewish Princess (La-la-la) With a couple of sisters who can raise a few blisters A fragile little Jewish Princess (HI-YO!) With Roumanian thighs, who weasels 'n lies For two or three nights Won't someone send me a princess who bites Won't someone send me a princess who bites Won't someone send me a princess who bites Won't someone send me a princess who bites

Tears will flow Wind will blow Some rain; some snow A fireplace maybe A kiss or two And down they'll go But that's the way it goes sometimes (That's the way) You just might find yerself in the clutches of some Wild Love Mama stroked his dinger Daddy got a stinky finger In those days of long ago (Yeah-ah!) Later in the evening She'd complain They'd refrain He'd go home 'n hone his bone A tragic case maybe But also true I'm sure you know But that's the way it goes sometimes (That's the way) You just might find yourself in the clutches of some Wild Love Now'days you get dressed up 'N later you get messed up But still you're pretty hip (Yeah-ah!) Later in the evening You'll explain She'll remain You're real modern She's the same A frantic pace maybe But who's to say Where it will go 18. Yo' Mama Vocal sections basic track: Hammersmith Odeon, London February 28, 1978 Guitar solo: Hemmerleinhalle, Neunkirchen am Brand, Germany February 25, 1978 Part of the backing track for the solo: Hammersmith Odeon, London January 28, 1978

includes a quote from Sinister Footwear 2nd Movement

Maybe you should stay with yo' mama (Mama!) She could do your laundry 'n cook for you Maybe you should stay with yo' mama (Mama!) You're really kinda stupid 'n ugly too Well Maybe you should stay with yo' mama She could do your laundry 'n cook for you Maybe you should stay with yo' mama You're really kinda stupid 'n ugly too

Basic track: Hammersmith Odeon, London February 28, 1978

You ain't really made for bein' out in the street Ain't much hope for a fool like you 'Cause if you play the game, you will get beat

17. Wild Love QuAUDIOPHILIAc

Many well-dressed people In several locations Are kissing quite a bit (Yea-ah!) Later in the evening Leaves will fall

Maybe you should stay with yo' mama (Mama!) She could do your laundry 'n cook for you Maybe you should stay with yo' mama (Mama!) You're really kinda stupid 'n ugly too

And You should never smoke in pajamas You might start a fire 'n burn yer face Maybe you'll return to Managua Well You could go unnoticed in such a place Maybe you should stay with yo' mama (Mama!) She could do your laundry 'n cook for you Maybe you should stay with yo' mama (Mama!) You're really kinda stupid 'n ugly too And You should never smoke in pajamas You might start a fire 'n burn yer face

Maybe you'll return to Managua You could go unnoticed in such a place You ain't really made for bein' out in the street Ain't much hope for a fool like you 'Cause if you play the game, you will get beat Well . . . Yo' mama Go on homeward Yo' mama FZ: Patrick O'Hearn, Adrian Belew, Tommy Mars, Terry Bozzio, Peter Wolf, Ed Mann, thanks for coming to the concert, good night!

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the album booklet With additions from ARF: Notes & Comments Further corrections and additions by Zoot, Jon Naurin, Román, Bossk (R) and Stu Mark The parts on the original vinyl and not on the CD remix are printed this way

Orchestral Favorites (Frank Zappa, May 1979) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Strictly Genteel 7:04 Pedro's Dowry 7:41 Naval Aviation In Art? 1:22 Duke Of Prunes 4:20 Bogus Pomp 13:27 Produced by Frank Zappa Original art by Gary Panter Royce Hall, UCLA September 19, 1975 The Abnuceals Emuukha Electric Orchestra

The probable list of musicians involved: Ray Reed--flute David Shostac--flute Mike Altschul--woodwinds Jay Migliori--woodwinds Victor Morosco--sax, clarinet, flute JoAnn Caldwell McNab?--bassoon Ray Pizzi?--bassoon Earle Dumler--oboe David Duke--French horn Arthur Briegleb--French horn Malcolm McNab--trumpet Gene Gough--trumpet Roy Poper--trumpet Bruce Fowler--trombone Jock Ellis--trombone Glenn Ferris?--trombone Kenny Shroyer?--trombone Dana Hughes--bass trombone Don Waldrop--tuba, contrabass trombone Lou Anne Neill--harp John Wittenberg--violin Bobby Dubow--violin Pamela Goldsmith--viola Jerry Kessler--cello Mike Lang--keyboards Ralph Grierson--keyboards Bill Mays--clavinet Emil Richards--percussion Alan Estes--percussion Tom Raney--percussion John Bergamo--percussion Dave Parlato--bass Terry Bozzio--drums + Michael Zearott--conductor

FZ--guitar, conductor André Lewis--organ Tommy Morgan--harmonica

1. Strictly Genteel 4. Duke Of Prunes 200 Motels You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II Make A Jazz Noise Here

The Old Masters Box One Mystery Disc Absolutely Free Mothermania Läther

2. Pedro's Dowry 5. Bogus Pomp Läther London Symphony Orchestra Vol. I

The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 200 Motels London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II

3. Naval Aviation In Art? includes a quote from Who Needs The Peace Corps? Läther QuAUDIOPHILIAc The Perfect Stranger

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/

8:08 [...]

2

Joe's Garage Acts I, II & III (Act I: Zappa, September 1979; Acts II & III: Frank Zappa, November 1979) 11. Stick It Out 4:34 12. Sy Borg 8:55

disc 1 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

The Central Scrutinizer 3:28 Joe's Garage 6:10 Catholic Girls 4:19 Crew Slut 6:38 Fembot In A Wet T-Shirt 4:44 On The Bus 4:31 Why Does It Hurt When I Pee? 2:23 Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up 5:42 Scrutinizer Postlude 1:34 A Token Of My Extreme 5:29

disc 2 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

Dong Work For Yuda (FZ/Smothers) 5:03 Keep It Greasey 8:21 Outside Now 5:49 He Used To Cut The Grass 8:35 Packard Goose 11:31 Watermelon In Easter Hay 9:05 A Little Green Rosetta 8:14

Recorded at Village Recorders "B," LA April-June 1979 Mastered at Ken-Dun "D," LA Produced by Frank Zappa recording engineer Joe Chiccarelli re-mix engineers Mick Glossop & Steve Nye cover photo Norm Seeff art director/illustrator John Williams The Musicians: Frank Zappa lead guitar, vocals Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar, vocals Denny Walley slide guitar, vocals Ike Willis lead vocals Peter Wolf keyboards Tommy Mars keyboards Arthur Barrow bass, guitar (on Joe's Garage), vocals Patrick O'Hearn bass on Outside Now and He Used To Cut The Grass Ed Mann percussion, vocals Vinnie Colaiuta drums, combustible vapors, optometric abandon Jeff tenor sax Marginal Chagrin baritone sax Stumuk bass sax Dale Bozzio vocals Al Malkin vocals Craig Steward harmonica THE CAST Central Scrutinizer, Larry, L. Ron Hoover, Father Riley & Buddy Jones Frank Zappa Joe Ike Willis Mary Dale Bozzio Mrs. Borg Denny Walley

Oficer Butzis Al Malkin Sy Borg Warren Cuccurullo & Ed Mann Bald-Headed John Terry Bozzio The Utility Muffin Research Kitchen Chorus Al Malkin, Warren Cuccurullo, Dale Bozzio, Geordie Hormel, Barbara Issak & most of the people who work at Village Recorders

disc 1 1. SCENE ONE: Entrance Of The Central Scrutinizer FZ--vocals Warren Cuccurullo--rhythm guitar Denny Walley--slide guitar Peter Wolf--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass Ed Mann--percussion Vinnie Colaiuta--drums

It wasn't very large There was just enough room to cram the drums In the corner over by the Dodge It was a fifty-four With a mashed up door And a cheesy little amp With a sign on the front said "Fender Champ" And a second-hand guitar It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar Larry:

Central Scrutinizer: This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . it is my responsibility to enforce all the laws that haven't been passed yet. It is also my responsibility to alert each and every one of you to the potential consequences of various ordinary everyday activities you might be performing which could eventually lead to The Death Penalty (or affect your parent's credit rating). Our criminal institutions are full of little creeps like you who do wrong things . . . and many of them were driven to these crimes by a horrible force called MUSIC! Our studies have shown that this horrible force is so dangerous to society at large that laws are being drawn up at this very moment to stop it forever! Cruel and inhuman punishments are being carefully described in tiny paragraphs so they won't conflict with the Constitution (which, itself, is being modified in order to accomodate THE FUTURE). I bring you now a special presentation to show what can happen to you if you choose a career in MUSIC . . . The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only . . . if you have to load or unload, go to the WHITE ZONE . . . you'll love it . . . it's a way of life . . . Hi, it's me, I'm back. This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only . . . if you gotta load or if you gotta unload, go to the WHITE ZONE . . . you'll love it . . . it's a way of life . . . that's right! You'll love it, it's a way of life, that's right, you'll love it, a way of life, right, love it . . . This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER 2. SCENE TWO: Joe's Garage You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 includes quotes from Wipe Out (Berryhill/Connolly/Fuller/Wilson) and Nite Owl (Allen) Central Scrutinizer: We take you now to a garage in Canoga Park Larry: (It makes its own sauce . . . if you add water) Joe:

We could jam in Joe's Garage His mama was screamin' His dad was mad We was playin' the same old song In the afternoon 'n sometimes we would Play it all night long It was all we knew, 'n easy too So we wouldn't get it wrong All we did was bend the string like . . . Hey! Down in Joe's Garage We didn't have no dope or LSD But a coupla quartsa beer Would fix it so the intonation Would not offend yer ear And the same old chords goin' over 'n over Became a symphony We could play it again 'n again 'n again Cause it sounded good to me ONE MORE TIME! We could jam in Joe's Garage His mama was screamin', "TURN IT DOWN!" We was playin' the same old song In the afternoon 'n sometimes we would Play it all night long It was all we knew, 'n easy too So we wouldn't get it wrong Even if you played it on a saxophone We thought we was pretty good We talked about keepin' the band together 'N we figured that we should 'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye From the girls in the neighborhood They'd all come over 'n dance around like . . . So we picked out a stupid name Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks 'N we was on our way to fame Got matching suits 'N Beatle Boots 'N a sign on the back of the car 'N we was ready to work in a GO-GO Bar ONE TWO THREE FOUR LET'S SEE IF YOU'VE GOT SOME MORE!

People seemed to like our song They got up 'n danced 'n made a lotta noise An' it wasn't 'fore very long A guy from a company we can't name Said we oughta take his pen 'N sign on the line for a real good time But he didn't tell us when These "good times" would be somethin' That was really happenin' So the band broke up An' it looks like We will never play again . . . Joe:

They'll be here . . . shortly! Joe: By, by, the years was rollin' by . . . Officer Butzis: This is the Police . . . Mrs. Borg: I'm not joking around anymore!

Guess you only get one chance in life To play a song that goes like . . . Mrs. Borg: Turn it down! Turn it DOWN! I have children sleeping here . . . Don't you boys know any nice songs?

Officer Butzis: Come out! We have the garage surrounded Joe: The years was rollin' by . . .

Joe: Officer Butzis: Well the years was rollin' by Heavy Metal 'n Glitter Rock Had caught the public eye Snotty boys with lipstick on Was really flyin' high 'N then they got that Disco thing 'N New Wave came along 'N all of a sudden I thought the time Had come for that old song We used to play in "Joe's Garage" And if I am not wrong You will soon be dancin' to the . . .

Give yourself up We will not harm you Or hurt you, neither Joe: I said the years was rollin' by . . . Mrs. Borg:

Central Scrutinizer:

You'll see now! There they are, they're coming!

The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only. If you gotta load or unload, go to the WHITE ZONE . . .

Officer Butzis:

Joe: I said the years was rollin' by, yeah The years was rollin' by . . . Mrs. Borg: I'm calling THE POLICE! Joe: So the years was rollin' by . . . Mrs. Borg:

This is the Police Give yourself up We will not harm you Joe: The years was rollin' by . . . Mrs. Borg: Listen to that mess, would you! Officer Butzis:

I did it!

This is the Police Give yourself up We have the garage surrounded

Joe:

Mrs. Borg:

So the years was rollin' by . . .

Every day this goes on around here!

Mrs. Borg:

Joe:

The years was rollin' by . . . Officer Butzis: We will not harm you Or maim you (SWAT Team 4, move in!)

There's nothing like a Catholic Girl At the CYO When they learn to blow . . . Father Riley: They're learning to blow All the Catholic Boys!

Joe: Mary: The years was rollin' by . . . Warren Cuccurullo . . . Mrs. Borg: Father Riley: He used to cut my grass . . . He was a very nice boy . . .

Catholic Boys!

Officer Butzis:

Mary:

This is the Police Come out with your hands up

Kinda young, kinda WOW! Father Riley:

Central Scrutinizer: Catholic Boys! This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . That was Joe's first confrontation with The Law. Naturally, we were easy on him. One of our friendly counselors gave him A do-nut . . . and told him to Stick closer to church-oriented social activities.

Mary: Vinnie Colaiuta . . . Chorus:

3. SCENE THREE: Catholic Girls Have I Offended Someone? You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 includes quotes from All The Way (Cahn/Van Heusen), Jewish Princess, Calabrian Tarantella (trad.) and La donna è mobile (Verdi)

Where are they now? Did they all take The Vow? Father Riley: Catholic Girls!

Father Riley And Various Party Goers:

Warren:

(Well) Catholic Girls With a tiny little mustache Catholic Girls Do you know how they go? Catholic Girls In the Rectory Basement Father Riley's a fairy But it don't bother Mary

Carmenita Scarfone!

Catholic Girls At the CYO Catholic Girls Do you know how they go? Catholic Girls There can be no replacement How do they go, after the show?

Father Riley: Catholic Girls! Officer Butzis: Hey! She gave me VD! Father Riley: Catholic Girls! Warren:

Joe: Toni Carbone! All the way That's the way they go Every day And none of their mamas ever seem to know Hip-Hip-Hooray For all the class they show

Chorus: With a tongue like a cow She could make you go WOW!

Joe: VD Vowdy vootie Right away That's the way they go Every day Whenever their mamas take them to a show Matinee Pass the popcorn please There's nothing like a Catholic Girl With her hand in the box When she's on her knees Larry: She was on her knees My little Catholic Girl Chorus: In a little white dress Catholic Girls They never confess Catholic Girls I got one for a cousin I love how they go So send me a dozen Catholic Girls OOOOOOH! (Well well well) Catholic Girls (Ma-ma-mum ma-ma-mum) Yai-ee-ahhh! Catholic Girls OOOOOOH! (Well well now) Catholic Girls (Ma-ma-mum ma-ma-ma-ma-mum) Yai-ee-ahhh! Catholic Girls (Ma-ma ma-ma-maaah) OOOOOOH! Catholic Girls Yai-ee-ahhh! (Well well) Catholic Girls (Ma-ma ma-ma-ma-mum) OOOOOOH! (Ma-ma ma-ma ma-mum) Catholic Girls Yai-ee-ahhh! (Ma-ma ma-ma-ma-mum) Catholic Girls OOOOOOH! Catholic Girls Yai-ee-ahhh! Central Scrutinizer: The is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . Joe had a girl friend named Mary. She used to go to the church club every week. They'd meet each other there Hold hands And think Pure Thoughts 4. SCENE FOUR: Crew Slut You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Central Scrutinizer:

But one night, at the Social Club meeting Mary didn't show up . . . She was sucking cock backstage at The Armory In order to get a pass To see some big rock group for free . . . Larry: Hey Hey Hey all you girls in these Industrial towns I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired Of all the local clowns They never give you no respect They never treat you nice So perhaps you oughta try A little friendly advice And be a CREW SLUT Hey, you'll love it Be a CREW SLUT It's a way of life Be a CREW SLUT See the world Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus CREW SLUT Add water, makes its own sauce Be a CREW SLUT So you don't forget, call before midnite tonite The boys in the crew Are just waiting for you You never get to move around You never go nowhere I know yer prob'ly gettin' tired Of all the guys out there You always wondered what it's like To go from place to place So, darlin', take a little ride On the mixer's face Be a CREW SLUT Just follow the magic footprints Be a CREW SLUT Hey, you'll love it! Be a CREW SLUT It's a way of life I ain't gonna squash it And you don't need to wash it! CREW SLUT Hey, I'll buy you a pizza CREW SLUT Of course I'll introduce you to Warren The boys in the crew Are only waiting for you Larry: Well you been to Alabama, girl, 'N Georgia too 'N all the boys in the crew Is bein' good to you I know you're sayin' to yourself "This is the way to go" 'Cause when you need a little extra They will give you some mo' 'Cause you're the CREW SLUT Mary: I'm into leather . . . Larry:

That's good!

Whaddya got? Whaddya gonna give me?

Road Crew Chorus: Larry: CREW SLUT Larry: A lot of the boys in the crew Love leather . . .

It looks just like a Telefunken U-47 You'll love it . . . Mary: With leather?

Mary: Central Scrutinizer: And rubber . . . Road Crew Chorus: CREW SLUT Larry: Yeh, they like rubber too . . . shrink-tubing With a hair dryer . . . Road Crew Chorus:

Eh errr, eh eh . . . This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER again . . . And so MARY was enticed away from JOE By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket Lured into a life of SLEAZERY With the entire road crew of some Famous Rock Group (I don't know whether it was really Toad-O . . . I don't know . . . I'll check it out) Again we see MUSIC Causing BIG TROUBLE!

Trade your spot on the bench For a guy with a wrench And be a CREW SLUT

5. SCENE FIVE: The Wet T-Shirt Contest

Mary:

Ike:

Ha ha ha . . .

Looks to me like something funny Is going on around here People laughin' 'n dancin' 'n payin' Entirely too much for their beer And they all think they are Clean outa-site And they're ready to party 'Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE 'N they all crave some Hot delight Well the girls are excited Because in a minute They're gonna get wet 'N the boys are delighted Because all the titties Will get 'em upset 'N they all think they're Reety-awright 'N they're ready to boogie 'Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE 'N they all crave some Pink delight When the water gets on 'em Their ninnies get rigid 'N look pretty bold It's a common reaction That makes an attraction Whenever it's cold 'N all of the fellas They wish they could bite On the cute little nuggets The local girls are showin' off tonite You know I think it serves 'em right You know I think it serves 'em right You know I think it serves 'em right You know I think it serves 'em right

Larry: You like that, huh? Road Crew Chorus: CREW SLUT Larry: I told you you'd love it . . . It's a way of life! Road Crew Chorus: The guys in the crew Have got a present for you! Mary: A present for me? Larry: We got a present for you! Mary:

includes a quote from Mo 'N Herb's Vacation

And it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN I know you want someone to show you some tit! BIG ONES! WET ONES! BIG WET ONES!

Mary:

Buddy Jones:

. . . as viewed through a thoroughly soaked, stupid looking white sort of male person's conservative kind of middle-of-the-road COTTON UNDERGARMENT! Whoopee! And here comes THE WATER!

Ah, thanks, IKE . . . Yes, it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN Here at The Brasserie . . . Home of THE TITS . . . huh huh . . . And it's the charming Mary from Canoga Park Up next in her bid for the semi-finals . . . Hi, Mary . . . howya doin'?

Here I am! Buddy Jones:

Mary: EEEK! Buddy Jones:

Mary: Hi! Buddy Jones:

No, you'd squeak more if the water got on you . . . sounds like you just got an ice pick in the forehead . . . AND HERE COMES THE ICE PICK IN THE FOREHEAD . . . a million laughs, Mary! Anyway; good golly, what a mess . . . she's totally soaked . . . Mary:

Where ya from? Mary:

I love it . . . Buddy Jones:

Ah, the bus . . . Buddy Jones:

Yeah, totally committed to the fifty bucks . . . That's it just step into the spotlight . . . let the guys get a good look at ya, honey!

Which one?

Mary:

Mary:

Here I am!

You know . . . the last tour . . . You know . . . Leather

Buddy Jones:

Buddy Jones: Oh . . . you were the girl that was stuck to seat 38 on Phydeaux III . . . why don't you get in position now and take a deep breath, because this water is very, very cold, but it's goin' to be so stimulating. And Mary's the kind of Red-Blooded American Girl who'll do anything . . . Mary: Anything . . . Buddy Jones:

Whaddya say, fellas? Nice setta jugs? Now Mary, how's about shakin' it around a little . . . Oh my goodness, look at her go! Mary: Oooh! I'm dancing! Buddy Jones: Ain't this what living is really all about! Here's your fifty bucks, Mary . . . Mary:

I said anything . . . for fifty bucks That's right! Mary: I really need the fifty bucks you know I gotta get home! Buddy Jones: Yeh, I know, your father is waiting for you in the tool shed . . . that's right, you heard right . . . our big prize tonite is fifty American Dollars to the girl with the most exciting mammalian protruberances ...

Oh great! Now I can go home! Buddy Jones: Home is where the heart is. Mary: On the bus. 6. SCENE SIX: Toad-O Line

includes a quote from Hold The Line (David Paich) Guitar solo from Inca Roads Rhein-Neckarhalle, Eppelheim, Germany March 21, 1979 Central Scrutinizer: This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . Meanwhile, Joe hears about Mary's naughty exploits. He falls in with a fast crowd and gets seduced by a girl who works at the Jack-In-The-Box, named Lucille, who gives him an unpronounceable disease . . . 7. SCENE SEVEN: Why Does It Hurt When I Pee? You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 FZ--Richard Emmett's Ethereal Tinkler Joe: Why does it hurt when I pee? Why does it hurt when I pee? I don't want no doctor To stick no needle in me Why does it hurt when I pee? I got it from the toilet seat I got it from the toilet seat It jumped right up 'N grabbed my meat Got it from the toilet seat My balls feel like a pair of maracas My balls feel like a pair of maracas Oh God I probably got the Gon-o-ka-ka-khackus! My balls feel like a pair of maracas Ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh! Why does it Why does it Why does it Why does it hurt . . . when . . . I Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

Lucille Has tore my heart up But I still love her I really love her Lucille Has tore my heart up But I still need her You know I need her She treats me like my hard Is made of stone She runs around And leaves me home All alone She doesn't answer When I call her on the phone She messed up my mind I'm cryin' alla the time Lucille Has messed my mind up But I still love her I really love her Lucille Has tore my heart up But I still need her I really need her Lucille My mind up I love her I really love her Lucille My heart up But I still love her I really love her Lucille My mind up I love her I really love her

8. SCENE EIGHT: Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up

Joe:

Lucille My heart up I really need her I really really need her

Lucille Has messed my mind up But I still love her Oh I still love her

Lucille My mind up I really love her I really really love her

Lucille Has messed my mind up But I still need her you know I need her

Lucille My heart up I really love her I really love her

Whatcha tryna doota me Lucille? Whatcha tryna doota me Lucille? Whatcha tryna doota me Lucille? You got me goin' outa my mind

Lucille My mind up But I still love her I really really love her

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3

Lucille My mind up I really need her I really really need her

Lucille Has tore my heart up I really love her I really really love her

That all seems very, very strange I never craved a toaster Or a color T.V. L. Ron Hoover:

Lucille My mind up I really love her I really love her 9. Scrutinizer Postlude

A Latent Appliance Fetishist Is a person who refuses to admit to his or herself That sexual gratification can only be achieved Through the use of MACHINES . . . Get the picture?

Central Scrutinizer:

Joe:

This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . again. Hi! . . . It's me again, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . Joe says Lucille has messed his mind up, but, was it the girl or was it the music? As you can see . . . girls, music, disease, heartbreak . . . they all go together . . . Joe found out the hard way, but his troubles were just beginning . . . his mind was so messed up . . . he could hardly do nothin' . . . He was in a quandary . . . being devoured by the swirling cesspool of his own steaming desires . . . the guy was a wreck . . . so . . . what does he do? For once, he does something SMART . . . he goes out . . . and pays a lot of money to L. Ron Hoover . . . at the First . . . at the Pch . . . hem . . . he goes out . . . and pays a lot of money to L. Ron Hoover . . . at the First Church of Appliantology!

Are you telling me I should come out of the closet now Mr. Ron?

10. SCENE NINE: A Token Of My Extreme You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 L. Ron Hoover: Welcome to the First Church of Appliantology! The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only! Don't you be Tarot-fied It's just a token of my extreme Don't you be Tarot-fied It's just a token of my extreme Don't you never try to look behind my eyes You don't wanna know what they have seen Don't you never try to look behind my eyes You don't wanna know what they have seen Joe: Some people think That if they go too far They'll never get back To where the rest of them are I might be crazy But there's one thing I know You might be surprised At what you find out when ya go! Oh oh oh Mystical Advisor What is my problem, tell me Can you see?

L. Ron Hoover: No, my son! You must go into THE CLOSET Joe: What? L. Ron Hoover: And you will have Joe: Eh? L. Ron Hoover: Hey! A lot of fun! That's where they all live So if you want an Appliance to love you You'll have to go in there 'N get you one Joe: Well . . . that seems simple enough . . . L. Ron Hoover: Yes, but if you want a really GOOD one, You'll have to learn a foreign language . . . Joe: German, for instance?

L. Ron Hoover: Well, you have nothing to fear, my son! You are a Latent Appliance Fetishist, It appears to me! Joe:

L. Ron Hoover: That's right . . . A lot of really cute ones come from over there! (Fifty bucks, please)

L. Ron Hoover:

May I have this dance?

If you been Mod-O-fied, It's an illusion, an yer in between Don't you be Tarot-fied, It's just a lot of nothin', So what can it mean?

Joe:

If you been Mod-O-fied, It's an illusion, an yer in between Don't you be Tarot-fied, It's just a lot of nothin', So what can it mean? If you been Mod-O-fied, It's an illusion, an yer in between . . . Central Scrutinizer: This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . Joe has just learned to speak German. Now, get this, here's why he did it! He's gonna go to this club on the other side of town, it's called THE CLOSET . . . And they got these Appliances in there that really go for a guy dressed up like a housewife who can speak German (you know what I mean) . . . so Joe's learned how to speak German, he goes in this place and he sees these little Kitchen Machineries dancing around with each other, and he sees this one . . . that looks like it's a cross between an industrial vacuum cleaner and a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body . . . it's really exciting . . . and when he sees it, he BURSTS INTO SONG . . . 11. SCENE TEN: Stick It Out translation Joe: Fick mich, du miserabler hurensohn Du miserabler hurensohn Fick mich, du miserabler hurensohn Streck ihn aus Streck aus deinem heißen gelockten Streck ihn aus Streck aus deinem heißen gelockten Streck ihn aus Streck aus deinem heißen gelockten schwanz Ah-ee-ahee-ahhhhh! Mach es sehr schnell Rein und raus Magisches Schwein Mach es sehr schnell Rein und raus Magisches Schwein Bis es spritzt, spritzt, spritzt, spritzt Feuer! Bis es spritzt, spritzt, spritzt, spritzt Feuer! Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa! Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa! Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa! Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa! Sy Borg: Pick me . . . I'm clean . . . I am also programmed for conversational English.

I've got a better idea . . . Fuck me, you ugly son of a bitch You ugly son of a bitch Fuck me, you ugly son of a bitch Stick it out Stick out yer hot curly weenie Stick it out Stick out yer hot curly weenie Stick it out Stick out yer hot curly weenie Weenie . . . weenie, weenie, weenie! Make it go fast (In and out) In and out, Magical Pig Make it go fast (In and out) In and out, Magical Pig Till it squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts) Fire Till it squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts) Fire Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa Sy Borg: What's a girl like you Doing in a place like this? Do you come here often? Wait a minute. . . I've got it . . . You're an Italian . . . What? You're Jewish? Love your nails . . . You must be a Libra . . . Your place or mine? Your place or mine? Your place or mine? Your place or mine? Your place or mine? Your place or mine? See the chrome Feel the chrome Touch the chrome Heal the chrome See the screaming Hot black steaming Iridescent naugahyde python screaming Steam Roller! Central Scrutinizer: This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . Joe and his date are going back to the apartment to have a little party . . . 12. SCENE ELEVEN: Sy Borg includes quotes from All The Way (Cahn/Van Heusen), Oh No and Pushin' Too Hard (Saxon)

Joe: Sy Borg Gimme dat, gimme dat Sy Borg Gimme dat, give me the chromium leg, I beg Sy Borg Gimme dat, gimme dat Sy Borg Gimme dat, give me the chromium leg, Little wires, pliers, tires They turn me on Maybe I'm crazy Maybe I'm crazy Maybe I'm crazy, mon . . . Gee, Sy This is a real groovy apartment You've got here

This is him. Your wish is his command He likes you He wants to kiss you always Just tell him what you want Joe: Really? Hi, little guy Think I might get a tiny, but exciting Blow . . . job . . . Gimme dat, gimme dat Blow job . . . Gimme dat, give me de chromium cob. Sy Borg: Bend over.

Sy Borg:

Joe:

All government sponsored recreational services are clean and efficient

Gay Bob Blow job Gimme dat, gimme dat Blow job Gimme dat, give me de chromium cob

Joe: This is exciting I never plooked A tiny chrome-plated machine That looks like a magical pig With marital aids stuck all over it Such as yourself before Sy Borg: You'll love it! It's a way of life. Joe:

Sy Borg: You'll love it! It looks just like a TeleFunken U-47. Joe: Little leather cap and trousers They look so gay . . . Warren just bought some Warren just bought some Warren just bought some Hey . . .

Does that mean maybe later You'll plook me . . .

Sy Borg:

Sy Borg:

Bob is tired. Plook me now, You savage rascal Ehhh! That tickles. You are a fun person I like you. I want to kiss you always.

If you wish, we may have a groovy orgy Joe: Just me and you? Sy Borg: I share this apartment With a modified Gay Bob doll He goes all the way . . . Ever try oral sex with a miniature rubberized homo-replica?

Joe: Gee, this is great How's about some bondage and humiliation? Sy Borg: Anything you say, master.

Joe:

Joe:

No, ah, not yet Ah, is this him?

Oh no, I don't believe it You're way more fun than Mary . . .

Sy Borg:

Sy Borg:

You're plooking too hard . . . Joe: And cleaner than Lucille . . . Sy Borg:

Come on out son . . . Between the two of us We'll find a way to Work it out disc 2 1. SCENE TWELVE: Dong Work For Yuda (Zappa/John Smothers)

Plooking on me . . . Central Scrutinizer: Joe: What have I been missing All these years? Sy Borg: Too hard

Hello there . . . this is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . Joe was sent to a special prison where they keep all the other criminals from the music business . . . you know . . . the ones who get caught . . . it's a horrible place, painted all green on the inside, where musicians and former executives take turns snorting detergent and plooking each other . . .

Joe:

. . . Anyway, listen, while he's in there he meets this guy who used to be a promo man for a major record company, named Bald-Headed John . . . King of the Plookers . . .

Sy . . .

Father Riley B. Jones:

Sy Borg:

This is the story 'bout Bald-Headed John

Too hard

Former Execs:

Joe: Sy . . . Sy Borg: Plooking too hard on me-e-e-e-e . . . Joe: Speak to me Oh no . . . The golden shower must have shorted out His master circuit He's, he's, oh my God I must have plooked him . . . Hey To death . . . Hey Central Scrutinizer: This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . You have just destroyed one model XQJ-37 Nuclear Powered PanSexual Roto-Plooker And you're gonna have to pay for it! So give up, you haven't got a chance. Joe: But I . . . I, I, I, I, I . . . I can't pay I gave all my money To some kinda groovy religious guy . . . Two songs ago . . . Central Scrutinizer:

Dong work for Yuda, Dong, Dong Father Riley B. Jones: He talks a lot 'n it's usually wrong Former Execs: Dong work for Yuda, Dong, Dong Father Riley B. Jones: He said Dong was Wong, 'N Wong was Kong 'N Dong work for Yuda, 'N John was wrong Former Execs: Sorry John Sorry better Try it again Dong work for Yuda Dong, Dong Sorry John Sorry better Try it again He said Dong was Wong And Wong was Kong And Dong was Gong 'N John was wrong Father Riley B. Jones:

John's got a sausage Yeh man John's got a sausage Yeh man John's got a sausage that will make you fart John's got a sausage that will break your heart Make you fart And break your heart Don't bend over if you are smart He took a little walk to the weenie stand John's got a sausage Yeh man A great big weenie in both his hands John's got a sausage Yeh man He sucked on the end 'til the mustard squirt He said, "Ya'll stand back 'cause you might get hurt" Former Execs: Sorry John Sorry better Try it again John's got a sausage Yeh man

Bald-Headed John: On second thought, make that a water . . . HtO Former Execs: Sorry John Sorry better Try it again Bald-Headed John: Falcum . . . Take me to the falcum! Former Execs: Sorry John Sorry better Try it again Bald-Headed John:

Sorry John Sorry better Try it again He said Dong was Wong Wong was Kong Kong was Gong 'N John was wrong Sorry John Sorry better Try it again

I wave my bags Did you wave your'n Former Execs: Sorry John Sorry better Try it again Bald-Headed John:

Bald-Headed John: Well how much did they wave? Make way for the iron shaschige Former Execs: Former Execs: Sorry John Sorry better Try it again

Sorry John Sorry better Try it again Bald-Headed John:

Bald-Headed John: Ah'm almost two kilometers tall I need a dozen towels so the boys can take a shower Former Execs: Former Execs: Sorry John Sorry better Try it again

Sorry John Sorry better Try it again Bald-Headed John:

Bald-Headed John: This girl must be praketing richcraft Bartender, bring me a colada and milk Former Execs: Former Execs: Sorry John Sorry better Try it again

Sorry John Sorry better Try it again Bald-Headed John:

Don't worry about the faggot I'll take care of the faggot Former Execs: Sorry John Sorry better Try it again Try it again, Try it again Try, try, try again . . . etc., etc., etc. Bald-Headed John: Your Pomona is very extinct . . . Yeah, I studied with the Dong of Tokyo 'N also with the oriental Kato . . . My body contain uh water I just loves the way these Copenhagens talks! Driver, McDoodle . . . Sausage Salima Salami That looks like that stuff Freckles lets out Once a mumfth . . . Central Scrutinizer: This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . Poor Joe. He's getting tired from bending over . . . but we tried to warn him . . . didn't we? Okay, Joe . . . you asked for it . . . here comes The Big One . . . 2. SCENE THIRTEEN: Keep It Greasey FZ:OZ Guitar You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 includes a quote from Midnight Sun (Hampton/Burke/Mercer) Guitar solo from City Of Tiny Lites Rudi-Sedlmeyer Sporthalle, Munich, Germany March 31, 1979 (late show) Joe: Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Manx: Roll it over 'n grease it down I'll drive you through the heart of town Joe: Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Manx:

Joe: Hey, the good women, they sure has it tough The good men, well there ain't enough All the good girls are lookin' all the time Good men is something that they can't find 'Cause if they find one miraculously They try to be lovin' as they can be If they find one and let him go Chances are they might not never find one no mo' Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Manx: Roll it over 'n grease it down I'll drive you through the heart of town Joe: A good lovin' man is hardest to find A good woman needs to ease her mind And I know a few that need to ease it behind All y'gotta do is grease it down 'N everything is fine Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Manx: Roll it over 'n grease it down I'll drive you through the heart of town Joe: A girl don't need No fancy grease To get herself Some rump release Any kind Of lube'll do Maybe from another Part of you Lube from the North Lube from the South Take a little slobber From the side of your mouth From your mouth From your mouth From your mouth From your mouth Roll it over Grease it down Here come that crazy Screamin' sound . . . Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Roll it over 'n grease it down (DOWN), down (DOW-HOWN), down (DOW-HOW-HOWN) Grease it down . . . Oh no! Here comes that screamin' sound again . . . 3. SCENE FOURTEEN: Outside Now

Roll it over 'n grease it down I'll drive you through the heart of town

Guitar The Perfect Stranger You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 Broadway The Hard Way Guitar solo from City Of Tiny Lites Rudi-Sedlmeyer Sporthalle, Munich, Germany March 31, 1979 (early show) Joe: These executives have plooked the fuck out of me And there's still a long time to go before I've Paid my debt to society And all I ever really wanted to do was Play the guitar 'n bend the string like Reent-toont-teent-toont-teent-toont-teenooneenoonee I've got it I'll be sullen and withdrawn I'll dwindle off into the twilight realm Of my own secret thoughts I'll lay on my back here 'til dawn In a semi-catatonic state And dream of guitar notes That would irritate An executive kinda guy . . . Well, I guess that one did the trick If they only coulda heard it Half-a-dozen of 'em woulda strangled While they was suckin' on each other's dick But that was only a bunch of imaginary Notes I played Just a little extra somethin' To keep me goin' from day to day That's okay I'll be gettin' outta here pretty soon Then I won't have to live In this ugly fuckin' room Can't wait to see I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . Can't wait to see I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . Can't wait to see I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . Can't wait to see I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . Can't wait to see I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . Can't wait to see I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . Can't wait to see I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . Can't wait to see I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . Can't wait to see I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . Outside now . . . 4. SCENE FIFTEEN: He Used To Cut The Grass includes quotes from The Radio Is Broken and Thirteen

Joe: I'm out at last Boy, the world sure looks different Wow . . . there's hardly anything fun to do Since they made music illegal But I'm hooked I got the habit I've got to have it I need to play But there's no musicians anymore They're all gone Wait! I've got it! I'll be sullen and withdrawn I'll dwindle off into the twilight realm Of my own secret thoughts I'll walk through the parking lot In a semi-catatonic state And dream of guitar notes To go with the loading zone announcements. Central Scrutinizer: This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER The White Zone is for loading and unloading only. If you gotta load or unload, go to the White Zone. You'll love it. It's a way of life. This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER The White Zone is for loading and unloading only. If you have to load or unload, go to the White Zone. You'll love it. It's a way of life. This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER The White Zone is for loading and unloading only . . . Mrs. Borg Voice: Turn it down! Turn it down! I have children sleeping here! Don't you boys know any nice songs? I'm calling the police! I did it! They'll be here . . . shortly! I'm not joking around anymore! You'll see now! There they are . . . they're coming! Just listen to that mess, would you! Every day this goes on around here! He used to cut my grass . . . He was a very nice boy . . . He used to cut my grass . . . He was a very nice boy . . . He used to cut my grass . . . He was a very nice boy . . . He used to cut my grass . . . He was a very nice boy . . . Central Scrutinizer: This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . Yes . . . he used to be a nice boy . . . He used to cut the grass . . . But now his mind is totally destroyed by music. He's so crazy now he even believes that people are writing articles and reviews about his imaginary guitar notes, and so, continuing to dwindle in the twilight realm of his own secret thoughts, he not only dreams imaginary guitar notes, but, to make matters worse, dreams imaginary vocal parts to a song about the imaginary journalistic profession . . . 5. SCENE SIXTEEN: Packard Goose

Guitar solo from: Easy Meat Hallenstadion, Zurich, Switzerland April 1, 1979 and Opening Solo Rhein-Main-Halle, Wiesbaden, Germany March 27, 1979 (late show) Joe: Maybe you thought I was the Packard Goose Or the Ronald MacDonald of the nouveau-abstruse Well fuck all them people, I don't need no excuse For being what I am Do you hear me, then? All them rock 'n roll writers is the worst kind of sleaze Selling punk like some new kind of English disease Is that the wave of the future? Aw, spare me please! Oh no, you gotta go Who do you write for? I wanna know I believe you is the government's whore And keeping peoples dumb (I'm really dumb) Is where you're coming from And keeping peoples dumb (I'm really dumb) Is where you're coming from Fuck all them writers with the pen in their hand I will be more specific so they might understand They can all kiss my ass But because it's so grand They best just stay away Hey, hey, hey Hey, Joe, who did you blow? Moe pushed the button boy And you went to the show Better suck a little harder or the shekels won't flow And I don't mean your thumb (Don't mean your thumb) So on your knees you bum Just tell yourself it's yum (Yourself it's yum) And suck it 'till you're numb Journalism's kinda scary And of it we should be wary Wonder what became of Mary?

Joe: If you're in the audience and like what we do Well, we want you to know that we like you all too But as for the sucker who will write the review If his mind is prehensile (Mind is prehensile) He'll put down his pencil (Put down his pencil) And have himself a squat On the Cosmic Utensil (Cosmic Utensil) Give it all you got On the Cosmic Utensil (Cosmic Utensil) Sit 'n spin until you rot On the Cosmic Utensil (Cosmic Utensil) He really needs to squat On the Cosmic Utensil (Cosmic Utensil) (Cosmic Utensil) Now that I got that over with I'll just play my imaginary guitar again Hey . . . hah . . . soundin' really good, indeed! Ah . . . get down . . . UH! Boy, what an imagination! Love myself better than I love myself . . . I think . . . What tone! Sounds like an Elegant Gypsy! What is that! Musk? It's hip! 6. SCENE SEVENTEEN: Watermelon In Easter Hay Frank Zappa Plays The Music Of Frank Zappa QuAUDIOPHILIAc Guitar Central Scrutinizer: This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . Joe has just worked himself into an imaginary frenzy during the fade-out of his imaginary song . . . He begins to feel depressed now. He knows the end is near. He has realized at last that imaginary guitar notes and imaginary vocals exist only in the imagination of The Imaginer . . . and . . . ultimately, who gives a fuck anyway? . . . So . . . So . . . Excuse me . . . Ha ha ha! Mm-mh . . . So . . . Ha ha ha . . . Ha ha ha! Who gives a fuck anyway? So he goes back to his ugly little room and quietly dreams his last imaginary guitar solo . . . 7. SCENE EIGHTEEN: A Little Green Rosetta

Voice Of Mary's Vision: Hi! It's me . . . the girl from the bus . . . Remember? The last tour? Well . . . Information is not knowledge Knowledge is not wisdom Wisdom is not truth Truth is not beauty Beauty is not love Love is not music Music is THE BEST . . . Wisdom is the domain of the Wis (which is extinct) Beauty is a French phonetic corruption Of a short cloth neck ornament Currently in resurgence . . .

Läther Central Scrutinizer: This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . As you can see, MUSIC can get you pretty fucked up . . . Take a tip from Joe, do like he did, hock your imaginary guitar and get a good job . . . Joe did, and he's a happy guy now, on the day shift at the Utility Muffin Research Kitchen, arrogantly twisting the sterile canvas snoot of a fullycharged icing anointment utensil. And every time a nice little muffin comes by on the belt, he poots forth . . . And if this doesn't convince you that MUSIC causes BIG TROUBLE . . . then maybe I should turn off my plastic megaphone and sing the last song on the album in my regular voice . . .

A-hem! Heh heh . . . A little green rosetta A little green rosetta A little green rosetta A little green rosetta You'll make a muffin betta With a green rosetta A little green rosetta A tiny green rosetta A green rosetta A little green rosetta A little green rosetta A tiny green rosetta You'll make a muffin really betta It's betta It's really getting betta It's betta, it's betta With a green rosetta Setta, setta And a green rositti, too Green rositti A little green rositti It's really, really meaty The little green rositti Make a muffin really betta It's betta, (Hey, really out there . . . that was really good) It's really getting betta It's betta, it's betta With a green rosetta Setta, setta (Good God, give the drummer some) Green rosetta A little green rosetta A little green rosetta A little green rosetta (Setta, setta, setta, setta, setta, setta, setta, setta, setta, setta, setta . . .) (Make a muffin, make a muffin, make a muffin) Betta (Make a muffin betta, make a muffin betta) With a green rosetta (Make a muffin betta, make a muffin betta) A little green rosetta A little green rosetta (You'll make a muffin betta) A little green rosetta (With a green rosetta) A little green rosetta (You'll make a muffin betta) A little green rosetta Good God! You're really jammin'! Now the Reggae version, hey, for the People in the Third World . . . we haven't forgotten anybody on this song . . . for all of you French people . . . who think that you're outta sight . . . And for the people in Spain . . . who think the French people are where it's at . . . And for the people in Mongolia who always wanted to go to Spain for a vacation . . . And for those of you in Taiwan who got chumped, this chorus is for you: (Rang Tang Ding Dong, I am the Japanese Sandman . . . Take eight . . .) A green rosetta (A green rosetta Green rosetta A little green rosetta) A green rosetta

(Against the Reggae beat, though . . . No, it's still Reggae, but it's all backwards, okay) A green rosetta (A little green rosetta) A green rosetta (A little green rosetta A little green rosetta) You'll make a muffin betta Little green rosetta You'll make a muffin betta Little green rosetta You'll make a muffin betta Little green rosetta Little green rosetta Little green rosetta A little green rosetta Now you see, some places in the Third World it might be difficult to dance to this because the kerosene record player is not a very efficient device . . . And a lot of times they run out of, they run out of spunk right in the middle of the chorus . . . Causing the song to sound like this . . . A little green rosetta However we continue in spite of the fact that the fuel may be low on your record player. We suggest that in places in the Fourth World where things are really tough that you keep the record player going by rubbing two sticks together. And if all else fails, throw the record away . . . build your own green rosetta . . . try this recipe: We'll start with a lump of grass . . . the grass bone connected to the ankle bone . . . the knee bone connected to the wishbone . . . and then everybody moves to New York and goes to a party with Warren. Hey! And we've flown in, at great expense, (triple scale, no less, ladies and gentlemen), Steve Gadd's clone to play the out-chorus on this song . . . he's really outasite, in spite of the fact that the click track is totally irrelevant to what he's doing right now. I'm listening to the click, yes I'm suffering with the click track right now . . . this guy is totally out of sync with it, but what the fuck. Ed Mann will call him up later, show him the sign. Okay, Vinnie, where is five? They're pretty good musicians They're pretty good musicians They're pretty good musicians (The singer is not pretty good, the musicians they're pretty good) They're pretty good musicians They're pretty good musicians They're pretty good musicians They're pretty good musicians But it don't make no difference If they're good musicians Because anybody who would buy this record Doesn't give a fuck if there's good musicians On it Because this is a stupid song AND THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT A little green rosetta Hey! A little green rosetta A little green rosetta A little green rosetta You make a muffin betta With a green rosetta A little green rosetta Rosetta, rosetta, rosetta Rosetta . . . rosetta . . . Al Malkin: Zetta . . .

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the album booklet Corrections and additions from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Further corrections and additions by Román and Charles Ulrich

Tinsel Town Rebellion (Frank Zappa, 2LP, Barking Pumpkin PW2 37336, May 11, 1981) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15.

Fine Girl 3:31 Easy Meat 9:19 For The Young Sophisticate 2:48 Love Of My Life 2:15 I Ain't Got No Heart 1:59 Panty Rap 4:35 Tell Me You Love Me 2:07 Now You See It--Now You Don't 4:54 Dance Contest 2:58 The Blue Light 5:27 Tinsel Town Rebellion 4:35 Pick Me, I'm Clean 5:07 Bamboozled By Love 5:46 Brown Shoes Don't Make It 7:14 Peaches III 5:03 produced by Frank Zappa engineers: Mark Pinske, George Douglas, Joe Chiccarelli, Alan Slides, Tommy Fly re-mix engineer: Bob Stone everything remote: Thomas Nordegg remote truck: Rolling Stones Mobile, London & UMRK Portable Studio studio: UMRK Central cover art: Cal Schenkel graphics: John Williams FZ--lead guitar & vocals Ike Willis--rhythm guitar & vocals Ray White--rhythm guitar & vocals Steve Vai--rhythm guitar & vocals Warren Cuccurullo--rhythm guitar & vocals Denny Walley--slide guitar & vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards & vocals Peter Wolf--keyboards Bob Harris--keyboards, trumpet & high vocals Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass & vocals Patrick O'Hearn--bass on Dance Contest Vinnie Colaiuta--drums David Logeman--drums on Fine Girl & first half of Easy Meat Greg Cowan--featured in the role of eccentric well-to-do Oregonian party giver

1. Fine Girl 3:31

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 UMRK July-September, 1980 FZ--guitar & vocals Ike Willis--guitar & vocals Ray White--guitar & vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards Bob Harris--high vocals Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums Well, yeah, well Oh yeah She was a fine girl She could get down wit de get down All de way down She do yer laundry She change a tire Chop a little wood for de fire Poke it around . . . if it died down Oh yeah She was a fine girl She go up in the mornin' She go down in the evenin' . . . all de way down She do the dishes If you wishes Silverware too Make it look brand new . . . when she get through Oh yeah She was a fine girl Outa this world Well, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well Oh yeah She was a fine girl (Oh . . . ) She could get down wit de get down All de way down She do your laundry (Oh no) She change a tire (Yeah yeah) Chop a little wood for de fire (Ooh) Poke it around . . . if it died down Oh yeah (Oh yeah) She was a fine girl (Fine girl) With a lovely smile With a bucket on her head Fulla water from de well She could run a mile Oh yeah (Yeah . . . ) She wouldn't spill a drop It'd stay on top (No no) Her head was kinda flat But her hair covered that She was a fine girl (Yeah yeah fine girl, my) Didn't need no school (No) She was built like a mule

(Like a mule) With a thong sandal Well, wasn't no kinda job she could not handle (Prrrr . . . oh-how) She could get down . . . (Go . . . ) Wit de get down (Yeah yeah) All de way down (WOW) We need some more like dat (We need) In dis kinda town (Some more like dat) We need some more like dat (We need some more like dat) (In dis kin-da) In dis kinda town (In dis kinda town) (Tow-win . . . Hey!) (We need some more like dat) We need some more like dat (We need some more like dat) (We need some more) In dis kinda town (In dis kinda town) (Like dat in dis) (We need some more like dat) We need some more like dat (We need some more like dat) (Kin-da tow-win) In dis kinda town (In dis kinda town) (Hey! We need) (We need some more like dat) We need some more like dat (We need some more like dat) (Some more like dat) In dis kinda town (In dis kinda town) (In dis kin-da) (We need some more like dat) We need some more like dat (We need some more like dat) (Tow-win . . . Hey!) In dis kinda town (In dis kinda town) (We need some more) (We need some more like dat) We need some more like dat (We need some more like dat) (Like dat in dis) In dis kinda town (In dis kinda town) (Kin-da tow-win) (We need some more like dat) We need some more like dat (Hey!) 2. Easy Meat 9:19

• Halloween • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 includes improvisations from Sink Trap and part of the leather conversation 1st half: Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA April 29, 1980 FZ--lead guitar & vocals Ike Willis--rhythm guitar & vocals

Ray White--rhythm guitar & vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards & vocals Arthur Barrow--bass & vocals David Logeman--drums Orchestral bit: Royce Hall, UCLA September 18, 1975 The Abnuceals Emuukha Electric Orchestra Guitar solo & out-chorus: Santa Monica Civic Auditorium December 11, 1980 (early show) FZ--lead guitar & vocals Ike Willis--rhythm guitar & vocals Ray White--rhythm guitar & vocals Steve Vai--rhythm guitar & vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards & vocals Bob Harris--keyboards, trumpet & high vocals Arthur Barrow--bass & vocals Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Davey Moire--voice?

includes a quote from Woody Woodpecker (Tibbles/Idriss) Hammersmith Odeon, London February 18, 1979 (late show) FZ--lead guitar & vocals Ike Willis--rhythm guitar & vocals Warren Cuccurullo--rhythm guitar & vocals Denny Walley--slide guitar & vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards & vocals Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass & vocals Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Baby baby why you cryin' Feeling sorry what she said Put down that rag, I told her then Don't wanna hear you cry again Dear heart, dear heart Tell me, tell me what's the reason Dear heart, dear heart Tell me, tell me what's the reason

This girl is easy meat I seen her on the street See-through blouse an' a tiny little dress Her manner indiscreet . . . I knew she was Easy, easy, easy meat Easy, easy, easy meat Easy, easy, easy, easy Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

You know she went to see the doctor And then she read a magazine Forget that book, I told her then Don't wanna hear about the book again Dear heart, dear heart Work out, Vinnie Tell me, tell me what's the reason Dear heart, dear heart I thought you were in love, Vinnie Tell me, tell me what's the reason

She wanna take me home Make me sweat and moan Rub my head and beat me off With a copy of Rollin' Stone Easy, easy, easy meat Easy, easy, easy meat Easy, easy, easy, easy Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

There was a picture on the story That showed a young sophisticator Who falls in love three pages later With some aggressive agitator And by and by he comes to hate her 'Cause she don't shave her underarms And he can't go for that 'Cause he's a young sophisticator

Moire?: Alright, if he'd played something else . . . 'Cause, uh, they just aren't gonna stand for it . . .

Baby baby why you cryin' It made me wonder what she said Forget that book I told her then Don't wanna hear 'bout the book again Dear heart, dear heart Tell me, tell me what's the reason Dear heart, dear heart How you doin', Vinnie? Tell me, tell me what's the reason

I told her I was late I had another date I can't get off on the Rollin' Stone But the robots think it's great . . . I knew she was Easy, easy, easy meat Easy, easy, easy meat Easy, easy, Easy, easy Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat Easy She's so easy Easy I saw her tiny titties Through her see-through blouse Just had to take the girl to my house Easy Meat

Would you still love me if my hair grew All down the side of my kimono Well of course I would, it might be hip If it did not cause you to trip Dear heart, dear heart Or radiate a bad aroma Dear heart, dear heart Or radiate a cheap aroma Dear heart, dear heart Or radia-iate, or radia-ia-ia-iate a Butzis aroma Ha ha ha ha ha ha 4. Love Of My Life 2:15

3. For The Young Sophisticate 2:48

• Läther

• Cruising With Ruben & The Jets • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4

Berkeley Community Theater December 5, 1980 (early show) FZ--lead guitar & vocals Ike Willis--rhythm guitar & vocals Ray White--rhythm guitar & vocals Steve Vai--rhythm guitar & vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards & vocals Bob Harris--keyboards, trumpet & high vocals Arthur Barrow--bass & vocals Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Love of my life FZ: Thank you! Love of my life Love of my life, I love you so Love of my life, don't ever go I love you only Love, love of my life (Love of my life) Stars in the sky They never lie Tell me you need me Don't say goodbye (Don't say it) I love you only Love, (Love) Love of my life Stars in the sky They never lie Tell me you need me Don't say goodbye I love you darling I love you only Don't ever leave me Don't make me lonely

Bob Harris--keyboards, trumpet & high vocals Arthur Barrow--bass & vocals Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Ain't got no heart I ain't got no heart to give away I sit and laugh at fools in love (Ha ha ha!) There ain't no such thing as love (Ha ha!) No angels singing up above today Girl I don't believe Girl I don't believe in what you say You say your heart is only mine I say to you, you must be blind What makes you think that you're so fine That I would throw away The groovy life I lead 'Cause baby, what you've got, yeah It sure ain't what I need Girl you'd better go Girl you'd better go away I think that life with you would be Just not quite the thing for me Why is it so hard to see my way Why should I be stuck with you (Stuck with you) It's just not what I want to do (Want to do) Why should an embrace or two (Embrace or two) Make me such a part of you (Part of you) I ain't got no heart to give away Away No no no no no no no Ain't got no heart Ain't got no heart I ain't got no heart to give away 6. Panty Rap 4:35

Love of my life I love you so (I love, I love, I love you so) Love of my life Don't ever go I love you only Love, love of my life Love of my life Love of my life Love of my life Love of my life Love of my . . . 5. I Ain't Got No Heart 1:59

• Joe's Corsage • Freak Out! • FZ:OZ Berkeley Community Theater December 5, 1980 (late show) FZ--lead guitar & vocals Ike Willis--rhythm guitar & vocals Ray White--rhythm guitar & vocals Steve Vai--rhythm guitar & vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards & vocals

the rap is done over the vamp from Black Napkins Berkeley Community Theater December 5, 1980 (early show) FZ--lead guitar & vocals Ike Willis--rhythm guitar & vocals Ray White--rhythm guitar & vocals Steve Vai--rhythm guitar & vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards & vocals Bob Harris--keyboards, trumpet & high vocals Arthur Barrow--bass & vocals Vinnie Colaiuta--drums FZ: Hello there, welcome to the show. No, we're not going to play 'Cheepnis' - that's right - but we are collecting underpants, and we are collecting brassieres, we are collecting small articles of feminine underclothing. We are making a quilt . . . really - trust me. So here's the deal, if you're a girl and you're wearing a dress, whip 'em off, that's it, see? No problem. Even with a pin . . . what does it say? 'Nobody's perfect'. I guess so . . . What we got here? Oh. Now let's see what's on the inside. Uh huh, trainer coos. Okay. S'more, s'more . . . Underpants, brassieres, just send 'em up, no problem. Oh, you'll warm up to it. If you're wearing pants and you have bikinis on underneath your pants, rip the edges and pull 'em out; if you're wearing those big old ugly cotton jobs go to the toilet and take 'em off, okay? So far, ladies and gentlemen, the response from this particular community has not been especially gratifying. Perhaps

you're a little bit too intellectual here. Here's something . . . tasteful, very tasteful . . . You'll get into it. Oh, some more - look - it's almost like going to a, well, never mind. Heh, heh, heh. I just want to remind you that you are in direct competition with Chicago, which so far has produced the highest yield of female underclothes of any place in the United States. Oh, here's one, thank you very much. Chicago, if you'll recall, was the town in which we received the very famous Voodoo Butter Underpants . . . heh, heh . . . the pants that nearly broke Tommy Mars' neck. As soon as he took a whiff of those, his head went back this far, and he was heard to mutter 'Jeezus'. So, we don't care what kind of condition they're in. What've we got here? 'Twat Book', okay. Uh huh, very good - Zeets, whadduya think? He already has that one . . . no problem, though. Well, tonight you're gonna be entertained by; Ike Willis on guitar and vocals; Tommy Mars on keyboards and 'Jeezus'. You're also going to be entertaining yourselves a little bit, but don't worry about it. Steve Vai on guitar, vocals and light blue hair. Ike: Another contestant over there. FZ: Oh, some more? Okay. Vinnie Colaiuta on booklet. Now what does this say? 'Hi Frank, how about' . . . what does this say? 'My hat from the . . . how about wearing my hat . . . wearing . . . ' How about this, this is a college community, right? 'How about wearing, w-e-r-ei-n-g, never mind. Arthur Barrow on bass; Bob Harris on keyboards, high vocal, trumpet and vegetables; and, ladies and gentlemen, the world-famous Ray White on guitar and vocals. Okay, you ready? 7. Tell Me You Love Me 2:07

• Chunga's Revenge • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 • Broadway The Hard Way Berkeley Community Theater December 5, 1980 (late show) FZ--lead guitar & vocals Ike Willis--rhythm guitar & vocals Ray White--rhythm guitar & vocals Steve Vai--rhythm guitar & vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards & vocals Bob Harris--keyboards, trumpet & high vocals Arthur Barrow--bass & vocals Vinnie Colaiuta--drums One, two, three, four . . . Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Like I want you to Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Girl . . . girl . . . girl . . . I love you so hard now, I'm cryin' for you Don't make me lose my pride I want to come inside And grab ahold of you, thank you Grab ahold of you Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Like I want you to Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Girl . . . girl . . . girl . . . I want to feel it, give me your love now Don't make me steal it, don't make me steal it Tell me you love me, tell me you love me, Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Tell me you love me, tell me you love me, Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Like I want you to

Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Girl . . . girl . . . girl . . . I love you so hard now, I'm cryin' for you Burnin' with fire, I gotta hot desire 'Cause I gotta make love with you, 'Cause I gotta make love with you 'Cause I gotta make love with you, 'Cause I gotta make love with you Tell me you love me, like I want you to Tell me you love me, like I want you to Tell me you love me, like I want you to 8. Now You See It--Now You Don't 4:54 includes quotes from King Kong Southern Illinois University, Carbondale November 15, 1980 FZ--lead guitar Ike Willis--rhythm guitar Ray White--rhythm guitar Steve Vai--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bob Harris--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums

9. Dance Contest 2:58 the contest is done over the vamp from Conehead and includes a quote from I'm So Cute The Palladium, NYC October 27, 1978 (early show) FZ--lead guitar & vocals Denny Walley--slide guitar & vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards & vocals Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass & vocals Patrick O'Hearn--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums FZ: One of the . . . One the things that I like best about playing in New York is this particular place, because it has - it has a stage that is conducive to, how you say in the trade, audience participation. Now if there's one thing that I really like, it's, uh, audience participation. Now listen . . . I gotta figure out something that I can, uh - d'you think we should have another dance contest tonight? Oh, hey - the injured person dance contest. Uh - Well, let's see . . . Awright, I'll tell you what we're going to do. Here's a, here's a guy who really wants to be in the dance contest aw-reety, aw-righty, hey. Okay . . . What . . . what . . . ? Butch: You are great, man - you are great. You are the best, baby. Do 'Dinah-Moe Humm.' FZ: All right, now wait a minute - what's your name? Hey, hey what's your name? Butch: Butch. FZ: Awright, the dynamic Butch. Here's a girl that wants to dance with Butch. What's your name?

Lena: Lena.

and Unidentified venue and date

FZ: What? Lena: Lena. FZ: Lena, meet Butch. Okay, Lena and Butch, couple number one. Heh heh. Okay, let's see - that guy there, with his . . . that - that one there with the teeshirt on - no, no, the other one - this one - no, no no no no, wait a minute, wait . . . well, you're - actually, you're very nice, though. Would you like to come up here? . . . Okay, but d'you think you can behave yourself? You, you're sure you can behave yourself? . . . Okay, what's your name? Guy: Tom, man. (mumble, mumble) you, baby, I (mumble, mumble) (gurgle) you (mumble, mmf, etc.). Guy: Arrgh, mmmf, glurg, etc. FZ: Awright, now wait a minute. Awright, awright, now wait . . . Guy: (mumble, mmf.) Ugliness! Ugliness! Other Guy: Frank, you're my buddy! Arrgh, mmf. FZ: Awright, wait a minute, wait a minute. I have an - I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful, I just want to tell you somethin' - there's more of us ugly mother-fuckers than you are, hey-y, so watch out. Now . . . Guy (Butch?): Will you bring my girlfriend on stage, maybe? FZ: Sure. All right, now you - he wants to get his girlfriend - go get your girlfriend. Girl: Hey Zap! FZ: Good to see you again. Girl: Squeak! FZ: I know. Guy: I ain't no fucking queer. FZ: All right, now look, here's what we're going to do. Awright. Now. This - it'll be mashed, I'll save them, I'll save them for later. Guy: I'm not a fucking queer. FZ: This man is trying desperately to let everybody know that he is not a queer. He's not queer, he's not queer. Awright, and now . . . You are going to dance, like you've never danced before . . . 10. The Blue Light 5:27

• Thing-Fish Berkeley Community Theater December 5, 1980 (early and late shows) and Santa Monica Civic Auditorium December 11, 1980 (late show)

FZ--lead guitar & vocals Ike Willis--rhythm guitar & vocals Ray White--rhythm guitar & vocals Steve Vai--rhythm guitar & vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards & vocals Bob Harris--keyboards, trumpet & high vocals Arthur Barrow--bass & vocals Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Your ethos Your pathos Your Porthos Your Aramis Your Brut Cologne You're writing home You are hopeless Your hopelessness Is rising around you, rising around you You like it It gives you something to do In the day time Hey buddy, you need a hobby You are tired of moving forward You think of the future And secretly you piddle your pants The puddle of piddle Which used to be little Is rising around you, rising around you You like it It gives you something to do In the night time Oh well, you travel to bars You also go to Winchell's Doughnuts And hang out with the Highway Patrol Sometimes you'll go to a pizza place You go to Shakey's to get that American kind of pizza That has the ugly, waxey, fake yellow kind Of cheese on the top . . . Then you go to Straw Hat Pizza, To get all those artificial ingredients That never belonged on a pizza in the first place (But the white people really like it . . . ) Oh well, you'll go anyplace, you'll do anything Oh you'll give me your underpants I hope these aren't yours, buddy . . . They're very nice, though You'll go to Santa Monica Boulevard, You'll go to the Blue Parrot No problem, you'll go anyplace You'll do anything Just so you can hang out with the others The others just like you Afraid of the future (Death Valley Days straight ahead) The future is scary (Yes it sure is) Well, the puddle is rising It smells like the ocean A body of water to isolate England And also Reseda The oil in patches All over Atlantis, Atlantis You remember Atlantis Donovan, the guy with the brocade coat Used to sing to you about Atlantis You loved it, you were so involved then That's back in the days when you used to Smoke a banana

You would scrape the stuff off the middle You would bake it You would smoke it You even thought you was getting ripped from it No problem Ah Atlantis, they could really get down there The plankton, the krill The giant underwater pyramid (Hear me out) The squid decor Excuse me, Todd The big ol' giant underwater door The dome, the bubbles, the blue light Light, light, light, light, blue Light, light, light, light, blue Blue light blue light The seepage, the sewage, the rubbers, the napkins Your ethos, your Porthos, Your flag pole, your port hole Your language You're frightened The future, your lang . . . You can't even speak your own fucking language You can't read it anymore You can't write it anymore Your language The future of your language Your meat loaf Don't let your meat loaf Heh, heh, heh Your Micro-Nanette Your Brut Cologne 11. Tinsel Town Rebellion 4:35

• Does Humor Belong In Music? • Have I Offended Someone? includes quotes from Sunshine Of Your Love (Brown/Bruce/Clapton), Johnny's Theme (Paul Anka) and I Love Lucy (Daniel/Adamson) Berkeley Community Theater December 5, 1980 (early show) FZ--lead guitar & vocals Ike Willis--rhythm guitar & vocals Ray White--rhythm guitar & vocals Steve Vai--rhythm guitar & vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards & vocals Bob Harris--keyboards, trumpet & high vocals Arthur Barrow--bass & vocals Vinnie Colaiuta--drums From Madam Wong's to Starwood To the Whiskey on the Strip You can hear the crashing, blasting strum Of bands that come to be real hip And get a record contract From a talent scout some day They'll sell their ass, their cocks and balls They'll take the check 'n walk away If they're lucky they'll get famous For a week or two perhaps They'll buy some ugly clothes to wear And hope the business don't collapse Before some stupid magazine Decides they're really good They're a Tinsel Town Rebellion Band From downtown Hollywood

Tinsel Town Rebellion, Tinsel Town Rebellion Band It's a little bitty Tinsel Town Rebellion A Tinsel Town Rebellion Band They used to play all kinds of stuff And some of it was nice Some of it was musical But then they took some guy's advice To get a record deal, he said, They would have to be more punk Forget their chops and play real dumb Or else they would be sunk So off they go to S.I.R. to learn some stupid riffs And practice all their poses In between their powder sniffs Chop a line now, snort it up now And when they think they've got it They launch a new career Who gives a fuck if what they play Is somewhat insincere Tinsel Town Rebellion, Tinsel Town Rebellion Band A Tinsel Town Rebellion, A Tinsel Town Rebellion Band Did you know that in Tinsel Town the people down there Think that substance is a bore And if your New Wave group looks good They'll hurry on back for more Of leather groups and plastic groups And groups that look real queer The Tinsel Town aficionados Come to see and not to hear But then again this system works As perfect as a dream It works for all of those record company pricks Who come to skim the cream From the cesspools of excitement Where Jim Morrison once stood It's the Tinsel Town Rebellion From downtown Hollywood Is everybody happy? Oh, never mind! No problem 12. Pick Me, I'm Clean 5:07 1st part: Berkeley Community Theater December 5, 1980 (early and late shows) 2nd part: Dallas Convention Center October 17, 1980 FZ--lead guitar & vocals Ike Willis--rhythm guitar & vocals Ray White--rhythm guitar & vocals Steve Vai--rhythm guitar & vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards & vocals Bob Harris--keyboards, trumpet & high vocals Arthur Barrow--bass & vocals Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Why not come over? You'll meet my mother You'll meet my sister

You'll like my brother Really you will . . . Then she said, I'm learning English I can say "thank you" I think I like you Do you like my band-aid? I hope you do . . . Oh, oh, oh I am not busy I'm free to travel Where are you going? Maybe you'll take me I hope you do . . . Oh, she asked me Do you know Vinnie? He used to like me I speak good English I'm bathing with Peter Pick me, I'm clean . . . Vinnie goes bare-back Peter goes wet-back Denny goes way back Eddie should get back Pick me I'm clean . . . Oh yeah, pick me I'm clean Oh yeah, check out my band-aid Oh yeah, pick me I'm clean Oh yeah, check out my band-aid Oh yeah, pick me I'm clean Oh yeah, check out my band-aid Oh yeah, pick me I'm clean Oh yeah . . . Why not come over? You'll meet my mother You'll meet my sister You'll like my brother Really you will . . . I'm learning English I can say "thank you" I think I like you Do you like my band-aid? I hope you do . . . I am not busy I'm free to travel Where are you going? Maybe you'll take me I hope you do . . . Do you know Vinnie? He used to like me I speak good English I'm bathing with Peter Pick me, I'm clean . . .

FZ--lead guitar & vocals Ike Willis--rhythm guitar & vocals Warren Cuccurullo--rhythm guitar & vocals Denny Walley--slide guitar & vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards & vocals Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass & vocals Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Bamboozled by love, Oh lord, the shit done hit the fan Bamboozled by love Oh lord, the shit done hit the fan The way that girl been carryin' on I swear I just don't understand Don't you know I treat her nice and kind The way no other lover can Now don't you know I treat her nice and kind The way no other lover can I came home the other day and she was Suckin' off some other man I ain't the type for beggin' I ain't the type to plead If she don't change those evil ways I'm gonna make her bleed She can scream and she can holler Bang her head all along the wall If she don't give me what I want She ain't gonna have no head at all Bamboozled by love I said she fooled around too long Bamboozled by love I said she fooled around too long Now I am mad and gettin' meaner I am here and she is gone And the reason you have not seen her She is underneath the lawn I know she's underneath the lawn, lawn, lawn Now look I ain't the type for beggin' Now I ain't the type to plead If she don't change those evil ways I'm gonna make her bleed She can scream and she can holler Bang her head all along the wall If she don't give me what I want She gonna have no head at all Bamboozled by love I said she fooled around too long Bamboozled by love, oh lord I said she fooled around too long Now I am mad and gettin' meaner, meaner I am here and she is gone And the reason you have not seen her, seen her Is she is underneath the lawn 14. Brown Shoes Don't Make It 7:14

• Absolutely Free • Mothermania

13. Bamboozled By Love 5:46

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Hammersmith Odeon, London February 19, 1979

includes a quote from Little Deuce Coupe (Wilson/Christian) Hammersmith Odeon, London February 18, 1979 (late show)

FZ--lead guitar & vocals Ike Willis--rhythm guitar & vocals Warren Cuccurullo--rhythm guitar & vocals Denny Walley--slide guitar & vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards & vocals Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass & vocals Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Brown shoes don't make it Brown shoes don't make it Quit school, why fake it Brown shoes don't make it TV dinner by the pool Watch your brother grow a beard Got another year of school You're okay, he's too weird Be a plumber He's a bummer He's a bummer every summer Be a loyal plastic robot For a world that doesn't care That's right Smile at every ugly Shine on your shoes and cut your hair Be a jerk - go to work Be a jerk - go to work Be a jerk - go to work Be a jerk - go to work Do your job, and do it right Life's a ball TV tonight Do you love it Do you hate it There it is The way you made it A world of secret hungers Perverting the men who make your laws Every desire is hidden away In a drawer in a desk by a Naugahyde chair On a rug where they walk and drool Past the girls in the office Hratche-plche Hratche-plche Hratche-plche Hratche . . .

And it lights up his nose But he cannot be fooled Old City Hall Fred She's nasty, she's nasty She digs it in bed That's right Do it again, ha And do it some more Hey, that does it, by golly And she's nasty for sure Nasty nasty nasty Nasty nasty nasty Only thirteen, and she knows how to nasty She's a dirty young mind, corrupted Corroded Well she's thirteen today And I hear she gets loaded If she were my daughter, I'd . . . What would you do, Frankie? Well, if she were my daughter, I'd . . . What would you do, Frankie? If she were my daughter, I'd . . . What would you do, Frankie? Check this out Smother my daughter in chocolate syrup And strap her on again, oh baby Smother that girl in chocolate syrup And strap her on again She's my teen-age baby She turns me on I'd like to make her do a nasty On the White House lawn Smother my daughter in chocolate syrup And boogie 'til the cows come home Time to go home Madge is on the phone Gotta meet the Gurneys and a dozen grey attorneys TV dinner by the pool I'm so glad I finished school Life is such a ball I run the world from City Hall 15. Peaches III 5:03

• Hot Rats • Fillmore East, June 1971 includes a quote from the Calabrian Tarantella (trad.)

We see in the back Of the City Hall mind The dream of a girl about thirteen Off with her clothes and into a bed Where she tickles his fancy All night long His wife's attending an orchid show She squealed for a week to get him to go But back in the bed his teen-age queen Is rocking and rolling and acting obscene Baby baby . . . Baby baby . . . Gimme them cakes, uh! If I do, I'm gonna lose my . . . And he loves it, he loves it It curls up his toes She wipes his fat neck

Hammersmith Odeon, London February 18, 1979 (early and late shows) FZ--lead guitar & vocals Ike Willis--rhythm guitar & vocals Warren Cuccurullo--rhythm guitar & vocals Denny Walley--slide guitar & vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards & vocals Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass & vocals Vinnie Colaiuta--drums FZ: Let's hear it for another great Italian, Conlon Nancarrow, ladies and gentlemen. Let's hear it for another great Italian, ladies and gentlemen, Warren Cuccurullo - work out, Warren. Let's hear it for another great Italian, Al DiMeola, ladies and gentlemen. Let's hear it for another great Italian, Alvin Lee, ladies and gentlemen . . . Vinnie, Butzis, Vinnie's girlfriend, Butzis' girlfriend, Patty, Denny, uh, Marty

. . . forget your name, even though you've been in the crew for a while . . . David, Ike . . . Ed: I'm flippin' out.

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the album booklet Further corrections and additions by Román, Zootsuit and Charles Ulrich

Ike: I'll flip you to see who gets the room tonight. FZ: Ed, another Vinnie, Arthur, Al DiMeola, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks for coming to the show, hope you enjoyed it. On behalf of Alvin Lee, see you next time.

2

2

2

Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar (Zappa, May 1981)

Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

five-five-FIVE 2:35 Hog Heaven 2:49 Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar 5:38 While You Were Out 6:00 Treacherous Cretins 5:34 Heavy Duty Judy 4:42 Soup 'N Old Clothes 7:53

Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Some More 1.

2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

Produced by Frank Zappa Re-mix Engineer--Bob Stone Photography--John Livzey Graphics--John Vince

Variations On The Carlos Santana Secret Chord Progression 3:58 Gee, I Like Your Pants 2:35 Canarsie 6:05 Ship Ahoy 5:20 The Deathless Horsie 6:20 Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Some More 6:53 Pink Napkins 4:38

Return Of The Son Of Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Beat It With Your Fist 1:58 Return Of The Son Of Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar 8:30 Pinocchio's Furniture 2:05 Why Johnny Can't Read 4:15 Stucco Homes 9:08 Canard Du Jour (FZ/Ponty) 9:57

Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar

Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums

1. five-five-FIVE 2:35 Terry Bozzio--voice Guitar solo from Conehead Hammersmith Odeon, London February 19, 1979 engineer: Mick Glossop

Bozzio: We've been out here a long time, man, I wonder if he's really . . . entertained by this 4. While You Were Out 6:00

FZ--lead guitar Warren Cuccurullo--rhythm guitar Denny Walley--rhythm guitar Ike Willis--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums

2. Hog Heaven 2:49 includes part of the leather conversation 1st part: Guitar solo from Easy Meat Brady Theater, Tulsa October 18, 1980 engineer: George Douglas 2nd part: Unidentified date & venue

• Jazz From Hell Drum track: Village Recorders Spring 1979 engineer: Joe Chiccarelli Overdubs: UMRK Autumn 1979 engineer: Steve Nye FZ--lead guitar Warren Cuccurullo--rhythm guitar Vinnie Colaiuta--drums

5. Treacherous Cretins 5:34 includes parts of the leather conversation

FZ--lead guitar Steve Vai--rhythm guitar Ray White--rhythm guitar Ike Willis--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bob Harris--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Terry Bozzio--voice Patrick O'Hearn--voice Bozzio: God, that was really beautiful . . . O'Hearn: Ha-uh . . . 3. Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar 5:38

• Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Some More • Return Of The Son Of Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar includes a quote from Thirteen and part of the leather conversation

Hammersmith Odeon, London February 17, 1979 engineer: Mick Glossop Overdubs: Village Recorders May, 1979 engineer: Joe Chiccarelli FZ--lead guitar Warren Cuccurullo--electric sitar (overdubbed) Denny Walley--rhythm guitar Ike Willis--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Terry Bozzio--voice Patrick O'Hearn--voice Heh heh heh . . .

Guitar solo from Inca Roads Hammersmith Odeon, London February 18, 1979 (early show) engineer: Mick Glossop FZ--lead guitar Warren Cuccurullo--rhythm guitar Denny Walley--rhythm guitar Ike Willis--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion

Bozzio: It's gone . . . O'Hearn: What? Your talent for sucking? Bozzio: I . . . O'Hearn: Never . . . 6. Heavy Duty Judy 4:42

• The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life includes an excerpt from Hands With A Hammer and part of the leather conversation

Berkeley Community Theater December 5, 1980 (late show) engineer: Tommy Fly FZ--lead guitar Steve Vai--rhythm guitar Ray White--rhythm guitar Ike Willis--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bob Harris--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Terry Bozzio--voice Patrick O'Hearn--voice Davey Moire--voice Terry Bozzio--drum roll (from Hands With A Hammer)

Guitar solo from Inca Roads Hamersmith Odeon, London February 18, 1979 (late show) engineer: Mick Glossop FZ--lead guitar Warren Cuccurullo--rhythm guitar Denny Walley--rhythm guitar Ike Willis--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums FZ: Identify your last port of entry, space wanderer . . . 3. Canarsie 6:05 includes a quote from Thirteen

Bozzio: Talk him down, Vic . . . Moire: Mmm . . . O'Hearn: Come on down, Johnny . . . Moire: Okay . . . 7. Soup 'N Old Clothes 7:53

basic track: Guitar solo probably from Easy Meat Hammersmith Odeon, London February 19, 1979 engineer: Mick Glossop

Guitar solo from Illinois Enema Bandit Santa Monica Civic Auditorium December 11, 1980 (late show) engineer: George Douglas

overdubs: Village Recorders Spring, 1979 engineer: Joe Chiccarelli

FZ--lead guitar Steve Vai--rhythm guitar Ray White--rhythm guitar Ike Willis--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bob Harris--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums

FZ--lead guitar Warren Cuccurullo--electric sitar Patrick O'Hearn--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Patrick O'Hearn --voice Terry Bozzio--voice Warren: Canarsie, where everyone looks the same . . .

Good God! Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Some More

Bozzio: L-l-l-l-l-l . . . O'Hearn: Oh, Ship Ahoy

1. Variations On The Carlos Santana Secret Chord Progression 3:58

4. Ship Ahoy 5:20

Guitar solo from City Of Tiny Lights Santa Monica Civic Auditorium December 11, 1980 (late show) engineer: George Douglas FZ--lead guitar Steve Vai--rhythm guitar Ray White--rhythm guitar Ike Willis--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bob Harris--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Ah . . . e-hem . . .

• FZ:OZ • QuAUDIOPHILIAc • Läther • Frank Zappa Plays The Music Of Frank Zappa includes part of the leather conversation Coda from Zoot Allures Kosei Nenkin Kaikan, Osaka, Japan February 3, 1976 FZ--lead guitar André Lewis--keyboards Roy Estrada--bass Terry Bozzio--drums

2. Gee, I Like Your Pants 2:35 includes a quote from Wooly Bully (Domingo Samudio) and part of the leather conversation

5. The Deathless Horsie 6:20

• Halloween • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Hammersmith Odeon, London February 19, 1979 engineer: Mick Glossop FZ--lead guitar Warren Cuccurullo--rhythm guitar Denny Walley--rhythm guitar Ike Willis--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums

6. Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Some More 6:53

• Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar • Return Of The Son Of Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Guitar solo from Inca Roads Hammersmith Odeon, London February 17, 1979 engineer: Mick Glossop FZ--lead guitar Warren Cuccurullo--rhythm guitar Denny Walley--rhythm guitar Ike Willis--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums

7. Pink Napkins 4:38

• Frank Zappa Plays The Music Of Frank Zappa • FZ:OZ • Zoot Allures • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 • Halloween • Make A Jazz Noise Here Guitar solo from Black Napkins Hammersmith Odeon, London February 17, 1977 engineer: Alan P. FZ--lead guitar Ray White--rhythm guitar Eddie Jobson--keyboards Patrick O'Hearn--bass Terry Bozzio--drums

includes part of the leather conversation Guitar solo from The Torture Never Stops The Palladium, NYC October 30, 1980 engineer: George Douglas People inside the piano: Apostolic Studios, NYC October, 1967 FZ--lead guitar Steve Vai--rhythm guitar Ray White--rhythm guitar Ike Willis--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bob Harris--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Terry Bozzio--voice Patrick O'Hearn--voice All-Night John Kilgore--voice Girl (Maxine or Beckie)--voice Louis The Turkey Cuneo--voice John: Can't burn 'em . . . ahm . . . Spider: It's . . . John: Goes out with Gross Man. I know they're Gross Men . . . Girl: No! Louis: Scars . . . all my body! No, I didn't have it. Boogey-man or something, nothing's in your head, Boogey-man! Spider: . . . who God's put away, man. O'Hearn: Holy Christ! [...] God, what a fuckin' [war clause???] that is! Get that thing off the piano, will ya? For Chrissakes. You'll stain the fuckin' wood . . . Bozzio: I'm gonna beat this fuckin' surfer's . . . O'Hearn: Not with that, though. Great [...], for Christ, beat it with your fist, for Chrissakes. 2. Return Of The Son Of Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar 8:30

• Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar • Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Some More includes part of the leather conversation Guitar solo from Inca Roads Hammersmith Odeon, London February 19, 1979 engineer: Mick Glossop FZ--lead guitar Warren Cuccurullo--rhythm guitar Denny Walley--rhythm guitar Ike Willis--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Patrick O'Hearn --voice

Return Of The Son Of Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar 1. Beat It With Your Fist 1:58

O'Hearn: Heh heh heh heh heh . . . I was there last night . . . 3. Pinocchio's Furniture 2:05

includes part of the leather conversation Guitar solo from Chunga's Revenge Berkeley Community Theater December 5, 1980 (early show) engineer: Tommy Fly FZ--lead guitar Steve Vai--rhythm guitar Ray White--rhythm guitar Ike Willis--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bob Harris--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums

includes quotes from The Radio Is Broken, Dueling Banjos (Smith) and part of the leather conversation Drum track: Village Recorders Spring 1979 engineer: Joe Chiccarelli Overdubs: UMRK Autumn 1979 engineer: Steve Nye FZ--lead guitar Warren Cuccurullo--rhythm guitar Vinnie Colaiuta--drums

Patrick O'Hearn --voice O'Hearn: Oh-ho-ho-you don't think so, huh? 4. Why Johnny Can't Read 4:15 includes a quote from Shortnin' Bread (Trad.) Guitar solo from Pound For A Brown Hammersmith Odeon, London February 17, 1979 engineer: Mick Glossop FZ--lead guitar Warren Cuccurullo--rhythm guitar Denny Walley--rhythm guitar Ike Willis--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums

Terry Bozzio--voice Patrick O'Hearn--voice Bozzio: Once in a while . . . O'Hearn: Oh, [she got deaf] Bozzio: Da-dwe-dee-da-doo-dwe-da-dee-da-doo-da-ah! 6. Canard Du Jour 9:57 (FZ/Ponty) Paramount Studios, LA probably February-March, 1973 engineer: Kerry McNab FZ--bouzouki Jean-Luc Ponty--baritone violin Terry Bozzio--voice Patrick O'Hearn--voice 2:38 Bozzio: Yeah . . . O'Hearn: Kinda reminds you of home, doesn't it?

5. Stucco Homes 9:08

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Transcription from Zootsuit Systematic Leather Review Corrections and additions by Román, Spider Gecko, overcooked, Dave Lane, Derek Milhouse Gilger and Charles Ulrich

You Are What You Is (Zappa, September 1981) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20.

Teen-age Wind 3:02 Harder Than Your Husband 2:28 Doreen 4:44 Goblin Girl 4:06 Theme From The 3rd Movement Of Sinister Footwear 3:31 Society Pages 2:26 I'm A Beautiful Guy 1:56 Beauty Knows No Pain 3:01 Charlie's Enormous Mouth 3:36 Any Downers? 2:08 Conehead 4:18 You Are What You Is 4:23 Mudd Club 3:11 The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing 3:10 Dumb All Over 4:03 Heavenly Bank Account 3:44 Suicide Chump 2:49 Jumbo Go Away 3:43 If Only She Woulda 3:47 Drafted Again 3:07 July-September, 1980 UMRK Produced by Frank Zappa Engineers: Mark Pinske & Alan Sides Re-mix engineer: Bob Stone Engineering assitants: George Douglas & David Gray John Livzey cover photo John Vince graphics Frank Zappa Lead Guitar and Vocals Ike Willis Rhythm Guitar and Vocals Ray White Rhythm Guitar and Vocals Bob Harris Boy Soprano and Trumpet Steve Vai Strat Abuse Tommy Mars Keyboards Arthur Barrow Bass Ed Mann Percussion David Ocker Clarinet and Bass Clarinet Motorhead Sherwood Tenor Sax Denny Walley Slide Guitar David Logeman Drums Craig "Twister" Steward Harmonica Guest Vocalists: Jimmy Carl Black Motorhead Sherwood Ahmet Moon Mark Pinske Denny Walley

[NOTE FROM THE MAINTAINER: The musicians listed below for each song are only guesses based on close listening, the information from the session sheets and more stuff found here and there. Special thanks to Charles Ulrich.]

1. Teen-age Wind You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 Bob Harris--lead vocals FZ--vocals Ike Willis--vocals; rhythm guitar? Ray White--vocals; rhythm guitar? Jimmy Carl Black--voice Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums It's a miserable Friday night I'm so lonely And nobody'll give me a ride To the Grateful Dead concert . . . Oh rats! I got to be free Free as the wind Free is the way I got to be Maybe I'm lost Maybe I've sinned I got to be Totally free (Par-par-par-par . . . ) Our parents don't love us (Parents, parents . . . ) Our teachers they say (Parents, parents . . . ) Things that are boring (Parents, parents . . . ) So we're running away (Parents, parents . . . ) And we will be free (Parents, parents . . . ) And people will see (Parents, parents . . . ) That when we are free (Parents, parents . . . ) That's the way we should be (PARENTS . . . ) (Parents, parents . . . FRANCE . . . ) Nothing left to do but get out the 'ol glue (Parents, parents . . . ) (Sniff it good now . . . ) (Parents, parents . . . FRANCE . . . ) (Parents, parents . . . ) I got to be free Free as the wind Free is the way I got to be Maybe I'm lost Maybe I've sinned I got to be Totally free (Dip-dip-dip-dip . . . ) Our parents don't love us (Dipshit, dipshit . . . ) Our teachers they say (Dipshit, dipshit . . . ) Things that are boring (Dipshit, dipshit . . . )

So we're running away (Dipshit, dipshit . . . ) And we will be free (Dipshit, dipshit . . . ) And people will see (Dipshit, dipshit . . . ) That when we are free (Dipshit, dipshit . . . ) That's the way we should be (DIPSHIT . . . ) (WE MUST BE FREE!) The glue! I can't find the glue! (WE MUST BE FREE AS THE WIND) If I was at the concert now, I'd be RIPPED! (WE WERE FREE WHEN WE WERE BORN!) I could tighten my headband for an extra rush During Jerry's guitar solo Then I could go to a midnite show of 200 MOTELS! (WE WERE BORN FREE, BUT, NOW WE ARE NOT FREE ANYMORE!) BUT WE WANNA BE FREE "Opal, you hot little bitch!" SO WE'RE GONNA BE FREE "You can take this pin 'n hang it in yer ass!" AN' WE WANNA BE FREE "You ain't the devil!" SO WE'RE GONNA BE FREE "Where's my waitress?" . . . did you know that FREE IS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR NOTHING OR DO NOTHING WE WANT TO BE FREE FREE AS THE WIND FREE IS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR NOTHING OR DO NOTHING WE WANT TO BE FREE FREE AS THE WIND FREE IS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR NOTHING OR DO NOTHING WE WANT TO BE FREE FREE AS THE WIND FREE IS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR NOTHING OR DO NOTHING WE WANNA . . . YEAH WE WANNA . . . YEAH WE WANNA . . . YEAH WE WANNA BE FREE WE'RE GONNA . . . YEAH WE'RE GONNA . . . YEAH WE'RE GONNA . . . YEAH WE'RE GONNA BE FREE WE GOTTA . . . YEAH WE GOTTA . . . YEAH WE GOTTA . . . YEAH WE GOTTA BE FREE WE GOTTA . . . YEAH WE GOTTA . . . YEAH WE GOTTA . . . YEAH WE GOTTA BE FREE WE GOTTA . . . GOTTA GOTTA . . . GOTTA GOTTA BE FREE GOTTA BE FREE GOTTA BE FREE YEAH YEAH WE GOTTA . . . GOTTA GOTTA . . . GOTTA GOTTA BE FREE

GOTTA BE FREE GOTTA BE FREE YEAH YEAH WE GOTTA . . . GOTTA GOTTA . . . GOTTA GOTTA BE FREE GOTTA BE FREE GOTTA BE FREE YEAH YEAH WE GOTTA . . . GOTTA GOTTA . . . GOTTA GOTTA BE FREE GOTTA BE FREE GOTTA BE FREE 2. Harder Than Your Husband Jimmy Carl Black--lead vocals Ike Willis--vocals; rhythm guitar? Ray White--vocals; rhythm guitar? Denny Walley--slide guitar Steve Vai--stunt guitar Craig "Twister" Steward--harmonica Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums We must say good-bye There's no need for you to cry It's better that I tell you this tonight Our affair has been quite heated You thought I was what you needed But the time has come, my darlin' To set things right I'll be harder than yer husband To get along with Harder than yer husband every night I'll be harder than yer husband Harder than yer husband An' I don't want our love affair To end with a fight You been like a little angel How you loved me An' I appreciate the warmth of your embrace Well, the world don't need to know How I adored you But the time has come, my darlin' T' tell you this face to face . . . I'll be harder than yer husband To get along with Harder than yer husband every night I'll be harder than yer husband Harder than yer husband An' I don't want our love affair To end with a fight So it's adios, adios, my little darlin' (Adios my little darlin' . . . ) Keep that hankie that I gave you for when you cry There are things that trouble me And I'm sure that you must see That it breaks my heart the same as yours When we say good-bye Harder than yer husband Harder than yer . . . much, much, much Harder than yer husband Harder than yer . . . much, much, much Harder than yer husband Harder than yer . . . much, much, much Harder than yer husband Harder than yer . . .

3. Doreen You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 Ray White--lead vocals; rhythm guitar? FZ--vocals; lead guitar Ike Willis--vocals; rhythm guitar? Bob Harris--vocals Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums Doreen . . . don't make me wait Til tomorrow Oh-wo-no-oh-wo . . . Please darling Let me love you tonight An' it'll be awright You . . . can't make me say I don't want you Oh-wo-no-oh-wo . . . My heart Is burning with love And I want you tonight You know I-I . . . I really love you (I love you) You make me feel good (You make me feel good) Please don't deceive me (No no . . . ) Doreen you know you should Stay with me always (Stay!) We could be lovers (Always!) Doreen you're different (You're different) Than all the . . . others Doreen . . . don't make me wait Til tomorrow Oh-wo-no-oh-wo . . . Please darling Let me love you tonight An' it'll be awright You-you-woo . . . can't make me say I don't want you Oh-wo-no-oh-wo . . . My heart Is burning with love (Tonight . . . ) And I want you tonight Say! To-nye-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-aiee-ight (Tonight . . . ) I want you To-nye-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-aiee-ight (Tonight . . . ) Let me love you To-nye-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-aiee-ight (Tonight . . . ) Wanna love you To-nye-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-aiee-ight (Tonight . . . ) Let me love you To-nye-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-aiee-ight (Tonight . . . )

Let me squeeze you, girl To-nye-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-aiee-ight (Tonight . . . etc.) Oh, I want to love you tonight Let me love you tonight, yeah Let me [...] all your toys I want your lovin' [...], yeah Doreen, let me, let me Yeah, why don't you let me in your bed I love you now, not tomorrow, yeah Gonna kiss [...], yeah [...] wanna love you, yeah Sweet Doreen, sweet Doreen, yeah Gonna love you, sweet Doreen, 'n don't get funky [...] all again, I say, yeah Help me, ah don't get, ah don't get Ooh, got my heart, take my [...], baby, yeah Oh, sweet Doreen, let me love you This sweet girl [...] Gonna get you, gonna get you, girl Yeah, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet Doreen I want you, I want you, girl Sweet Doreen, I want you, girl [...] you're so [...] Do everything, everything, everything, yeah Gonna put my arms all around you one more time Gonna take you, take you tonight, yeah Sweet Doreen, yeah Let me love you, love you, love you, love you Kiss you, love you, please Doreen Doreen, come on, come on, girl Tonight, you're gonna make your thing alright Tonight, tonight, make your thing alright I'll make everything alright with Doreen (To-nye-ay-ay-ight . . . ) 4. Goblin Girl Have I Offended Someone? includes an excerpt from Doreen FZ--vocals; kazoo? Ike Willis--vocals; kazoo? Ray White--vocals; kazoo? Bob Harris--vocals; kazoo? Jimmy Carl Black--voice Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards; vocals?; kazoo? Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums Hob-noblin Wit de goblin De Goblin Girl From da mystery world Hob-noblin Wit de goblin She's black 'n green 'Cause it's Halloween Raggedy black Is the way she dress Little green shoes 'N her hair's a mess On Halloween night At de costume ball She's a Goblin Girl An' she can gobble it all She's a goblin A Goblin Girl

She's a goblin A Goblin Girl I been hobblin' 'Cause of the Goblin Goblin Girl . . . Goblin Girl Some girls like To dress like a witch Some girls like to dress like a queen Best way a girl Can dress for me Is in a Goblin Suit (They look so cute . . . ) When they're a goblin There ain't a problin When they're a goblin I start a-wobblin' Pink all over Some is tan Goblin Girls From every land They look good From any which-a-way Every Halloween You can hear me say: "Goblin Girl, take it away . . . " Hob-noblin Wit de goblin De Goblin Girl From da mystery world De Goblin Girl From da mystery world (TRICK OR TREAT NOW . . . ) De Goblin Girl From da mystery world (TRICK OR TREAT NOW . . . ) De Goblin Girl From da mystery world (TRICK OF TREAT NOW . . . etc.) Doreen . . . don't make me wait (How 'bout you?) Til tomorrow (Poo-ahh!) Ohhh-ho no . . . (Got nothin' fer yer honey?) Please darling (How 'bout girls?) Let me gobble tonight (Poo-ahh! How 'bout you?) An' it'll be awright (whooo!) (Poo-ahh! Sweetheart . . . ) You . . . (How 'bout you?) Can't make me say I won't burble-ble-ble-ble All over you (Are you sure?) My snout (How 'bout you?) Is burning with love And it wants you tonight (Got nothin' fer yer honey? Poo-ahh!) I hope you're good and tight (Are you sure?) (How 'bout you?) Talkin' 'bout the bad girls (How 'bout yer . . . ) All the Goblin Girls (Are you . . . POO-AHH!)

Talkin' 'bout the bad, bad girls (Sweetheart) The little Goblin Girls (Come on, Roy, right here) Oh, the bad girls Some are called Doreen (How 'bout you?) Some are dressed in green They're tricking your treat But they're bad girls They're very bad girls (LEPRECHAUN LIGHT) (Ay!) They make your face look like you got scales on it But that's okay . . . (LEPRECHAUN LIGHT) (POO-AHH!) When the green light shines down (Ay!) On the black guys in the band (LEPRECHAUN LIGHT) (POO-AHH!) Everybody in the audience Thinks they're seeing something That looks like it's made out of Fish skin (Ay!) (LEPRECHAUN LIGHT) (POO-AHH!) But Coy leaves the green gels in the truss Because he knows the guys in the front Really enjoy looking like they have Scales all over their body . . .

OL' LADY, OL' LADY OL' LADY, OL' LADY The hospital plans (yer brother drew 'em all) You ran the paper 'n the Charity Ball Every day on the third or fourth page There you was . . . you was quite the rage Somehow, you was all kinda cheap 'n wrong Just like in a lotta small towns Where folks like you Hang around too long And pass out jobs to yer relatives 'n such So you all keeps a lot, 'cept but nobody else Ever gets too much . . . to speak of . . . So what? What can you say? So long as the trash gets picked up So long as the trash gets locked up Just so the trash don't stack up Some day you won't be on page three Or page four anymore OL' LADY, OL' LADY OL' LADY, OL' LADY OL' LADY, OL' LADY OL' LADY, OL' LADY By the grace of God you had a son He's the one and only one He grew up and by and by He came to be a Beautiful Guy

5. Theme From The 3rd Movement Of Sinister Footwear Them Or Us Guitar Make A Jazz Noise Here Guitar solo originally from The Palladium, NYC October 27, 1978 FZ--lead guitar Steve Vai--stunt guitar Ed Mann--percussion David Ocker--clarinet and bass clarinet Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums

6. Society Pages You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 FZ--lead vocals Ray White--lead vocals; rhythm guitar? Ike Willis--vocals; rhythm guitar? Denny Walley--slide guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums You're the ol' lady from the society pages From a small town somewhere I used to be You owned the paper and a bunch of other stuff That didn't appeal to me OL' LADY, OL' LADY OL' LADY, OL' LADY

7. I'm A Beautiful Guy You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 includes a quote from Johnny's Theme (Paul Anka) Ike Willis--lead vocals; rhythm guitar? Ray White--lead vocals; rhythm guitar? FZ--vocals Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums I'm a beautiful guy And you have walked by And I have gave you the eye But you pretend to be shy But I'm a beautiful guy (You know what I mean? You know what I mean?) And so I want you to know why, why, why You make me cry, cry, cry 'Cause you want to try, try, try Some stupid game on me They're drinking lighter They're full of water I hear them say: "Let's jog . . . " They're playing tennis Their butts are tighter What could be whiter? Hey? Your athletic approach has a lot of appeal The girl is responding to your little deal She's modern 'n empty 'n totally vain But beauty, of course, can feel no pain No pain

No pain No pain 8. Beauty Knows No Pain You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 FZ--lead vocals Ray White--lead vocals Ike Willis--vocals Bob Harris--vocals Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums + Motorhead Sherwood--snorks Jimmy Carl Black--voice Moon Zappa--voice Beauty knows no pain So what you cryin' about Girl Beauty knows no pain So what you cryin' about Girl Beauty knows no Beauty knows no Beauty knows no Even if yer plain You could be tryin' it out Girl Even if yer plain You could be tryin' it out Girl Beauty is no Beauty is no Beauty is no Beauty is a bikini wax 'n waitin' for yer nails to dry Beauty is a colored pencil, scribbled all around yer eye Beauty is a pair of shoes that makes you wanna die Beauty is a Beauty is a Beauty is a Lie But you don't care if it's a lie 'Cause you are such a beautiful guy (Hi, girls!) Your head is north, your feet is south And you save the rest for Charlie's mouth Your head is north Your feet is south And you save the rest for CHARLIE'S ENORMOUS MOUTH ENORMOUS MOUTH CHARLIE . . . " . . . and it doesn't have that stale aftertaste!" 9. Charlie's Enormous Mouth You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 FZ--vocals Ike Willis--vocals Ray White--vocals Bob Harris--vocals

Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums Charlie's enormous mouth, well, it's awright The girl got a very large mouth, but it's awright Her teeth look okay She must be brushin' 'em quite a bit 'Course her mouth is extra large 'N we can only assume as to how She's been usin' it Charlie's enormous mouth, well, it's awright The girl got a very large mouth, but it's awright She got lips all around the hole Where she puts her food in They call it THE MOUTH They call it THE MOUTH They call it THE MOUTH Which is as good a place as any for a tongue To include in, that's why They call it THE MOUTH They call it THE MOUTH They call it THE MOUTH La la la la la la la La la la la la la la (Kinda young Kinda wow . . . ) Charlie's enormous nose, well, it's all white The girl got a very large nose but it's all white She once was okay But she's been blowin' it quite a bit 'Course her friends are extra large 'N we can only assume as to how She's been choosin' it Charlie's enormous nose, well, it's all white The girl got a very large nose, but it's all white She got stuff all around the hole Where she puts her spoon in They call it THE NOSE They call it THE NOSE They call it THE NOSE And when it finally rots away I guess you'd Prob'ly drive a truck in . . . they used to Call it THE NOSE They called it THE NOSE They called it THE NOSE La la la la la la la La la la la la la la (Kinda young Kinda dead . . . ) Charlie's disgusting brain, well, it's all black The girl got a very dead brain, it won't come back She used to convey But then she took an extra hit 'Course her friends are extra dumb 'N they were terribly excited while they Watched her doin' it Charlie's disgusting brain, well it's all black The girl got a very dead brain, it won't come back She got dirt all around the hole Where they dumped her box in They call it THE GRAVE

They call it THE GRAVE They call it THE GRAVE Which is as good a place as any for a Chump to repose in . . . that's why they Call it THE GRAVE They call it THE GRAVE They call it THE GRAVE . . . 10. Any Downers? Ike Willis--lead vocals FZ--vocals; lead guitar Ray White--vocals Bob Harris--vocals Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums And all around At the side of the grave Stood Charlie's friends Who could not save This stupid girl From the way she behaved But among the mourners And the frowners A cry were heard . . . (aaaargh!) ANY DOWNERS? (Oh, no!) ANY DOWNERS? (Oh, no!) ANY DOWNERS? (Oh, no!) ANY DOWNERS? (Oh, no!) No I ain't got any more No I ain't got any more No I ain't got any more No I ain't got any more Your downers is gone They was all you could get To ease your mind And your deep regret Over Charlie's mouth So enormous 'n wet Now all you got Is your T.V. set You turn it on You watch and dream A dream of love On your tiny screeen But what do you see As you lay in bed? It's a bald kinda girl With a pointed head Oh no . . . 11. Conehead Halloween FZ--lead vocals; lead guitar Ike Willis--vocals; rhythm guitar? Ray White--vocals; rhythm guitar? Bob Harris--vocals Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums

Conehead . . . she ain't really dumb She's just a Conehead . . . 'tater chip crumbs All over her face Is there any more beer Stashed away at her place? She's just a Conehead . . . she can't help herself "She's a Conehead kind of a girl . . . " (Ha ha ha!) Pitch her a ring That is the thing That's getting her hot-uh A hoop or a ring Goin' over the top of her Conehead "She is from a small town in France 'N she's a Conehead kind of a girl, kind of guy" That's what she gives me is-uh Oooh! Conehead When she's on her knees The point is so high (High!) I keep sayin' please Keep it out of my eye, 'cause she's a Conehead (She's a Conehead kind of a girl, kind of a guy, kind of a girl-thing . . .) Saturday Night You're home alone The TV lights up As her dad comes home He's been workin' all day At the drivin' school In a stupid-lookin' hat That he uses to fool The people of Earth Who might get back If they knew he was really From Remulak, where the Conehead . . . people are from, where the Conehead . . . people go to, when the Conehead . . . people are done with their Conehead . . . things that are fun Connie the Cone Is dressed real neat Like a teen-age girl From down the street But Mom 'n Dad They don't approve Carbohydrates Is all they groove Connie's eye Has a tiny tear But they rinse it away With a case of beer A bag of chips 'N fiberglass Her diet's a riot I can't keep quiet I'd love to try it But I think I'll pass To eat that kind stuff they pack (Yes, they're packin' it!) You'd hafta be from Remulak, where the Conehead . . . people are from, where the Conehead . . . people go to, when the Conehead . . . people are done with the Conehead . . . things that are fun, where the Conehead . . . people are from, where the Conehead . . . people go to, when the Conehead . . . people are done, with the Conehead . . . things that are fun, where the

Conehead . . . people are from, where the Conehead . . . people go to, when the Conehead . . . people are done with the Conehead . . . things that are fun, where the Conehead . . . people are from, where the Conehead . . . people go to, when the Conehead . . . people are done with the Conehead . . . 12. You Are What You Is Thing-Fish FZ--lead vocals Ray White--lead vocals; rhythm guitar? Ike Willis--vocals; rhythm guitar? Bob Harris--vocals Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums Do you know what you are? You are what you is You is what you am (A cow don't make ham . . . ) You ain't what you're not So see what you got You are what you is An' that's all it 'tis A foolish young man From a middle class fam'ly Started singin' the blues 'Cause he thought it was manly Now he talks like the Kingfish ("Saffiiiee!") From Amos 'n Andy ("Holy mack'l dere . . . Holy mack'l dere!") He tells you that chitlins . . . (Chitlins!) Well, they taste just like candy He thinks that he's got De whole thang down From the Nivea Lotion To de Royal Crown Do you know what you are? You are what you is You is what you am (A cow don't make ham . . . ) You ain't what you're not So see what you got You are what you is An' that's all it 'tis A foolish young man Of the Negro Persuasion Devoted his life To become a caucasian He stopped eating pork He stopped eating greens He traded his dashiki ("Uhuru!") For some Jordache Jeans He learned to play golf An' he got a good score Now he says to himself "I AIN'T NO NIGGER NO MORE . . . HEY! HEY! HEY!" "I don't understand you . . . " BWANA MA-COO-BAH "Would you please speak more clearly . . . " MERCEDES BAINNNNNNNZ

Who is who (I don't know . . . ) 'N what is what (Somethin' I just don't know . . . ) 'N why is this (Tell me now . . . ) Appropriot (That's a funny pronunciation if'n ever I heard one . . . ) If you don't like (Where'd you get that word?) What you has got (Appropriot? The word is not . . . ) Drop it in the dirt (Drop it yeah . . . ) 'N let it rot (I can smell it now . . . ) Someone else (Here de come, here de come . . . ) Will surely come (I told you they was comin') 'N pick it up (That's right!) 'Cause he wants some (An' he wants it for free . . . ) And when one day (There will come a day . . . ) You wonder who (I wonder too . . . ) You used to was (Who I was anyway . . . ) 'N what you do (I used to work at the post office . . . ) You'll scratch your head (But I don't wanna un-do my doo . . . ) 'N look around (Just to see what's goin' on . . . ) But what you lost (Can't seem to find it . . . ) Will not be found (A Mercedes Benz . . . ) Do you know what you are? (I know . . . ) You are what you is (I'm the kinda guy . . . ) You is what you am (That ought to be drivin' . . . ) A cow don't make a ham (A four-fifty SLC . . . ) You ain't what you're not (A big ol' red one . . . ) So see what you got (With some golf clubs stickin' out de trunk . . . ) You are what you is (I'm gwine down to de links on Saturday mornin' . . . ) An' that's all it is (Gimme a five-dollar bill . . . ) YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS (And an overcoat too . . . ) AND THAT'S ALL IT IS (Where's my waitress? Yeah . . . ) YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS (Robbie, take me to Greek Town . . . ) AN THAT'S ALL IT IS (I'm harder than yer husband; harder than yer husband . . . ) YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS (I'm goin' down to White Street, to the Mudd Club y'all . . . ) AN THAT'S ALL IT IS (I'm goin' down 'n work the wall 'n work the floor . . . ) YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS ('N work the pipe 'n work the wall . . . ) AN THAT'S ALL IT IS (Some more . . . ) 13. Mudd Club

Thing-Fish FZ--lead vocals Ray White--lead vocals; rhythm guitar? Ike Willis--vocals; rhythm guitar? Moon Zappa--voice? Motorhead Sherwood--tenor sax, snorks Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums And here we are, at the Mudd Club, y'all . . . I hope you enjoy yourself, 'cause the show's about To begin . . . Hey, they're really dancin' They're on auto-destruct On the floor On the pipe Bouncin' off-a the wall Hey, the people here are really Tearin' it up On the side In the back By the front of the stage They ain't really crazy You can take it from me I should know 'Cause I go Every time I'm in town If you never tried it Lemme straighten you out It's the best kinda place To unfasten yerself

In Serious Leather Serious Chains Serious Clothing From when they come downtown From the ruins of Studio '54 To twist 'n frugg In an arrogant gesture To the best of what the 20th Century has to offer Al Malkin's down there right now, Looking for a virgin with nice breath . . . (Why, maybe it's you . . . And you don't even know it!) Hey, they're really dancin' They're on auto-destruct On the floor On the pipe Bouncin' off-a the wall Hey, the people here are really Tearin' it up On the side In the back By the front of the stage They ain't really crazy You can take it from me I should know 'Cause I go Every time I'm in town If you never tried it Lemme straighten you out It's the best kinda place To unfasten yerself 14. The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing

MUDD CLUB All the way downtown MUDD CLUB They ain't messin' around MUDD CLUB Just turn to the left 'n look around Because it's there somewhere If you ain't found it, better Hurry up The folks down there's on auto-destruct And so can you be too (The fact of the matter, it's made for you . . . ) Try it on a Saturday 'bout four o'clock in the mornin' Or even a Monday at midnight When there's just a few of those Fabulous Poodles Doin' the Peppermint Twist for real In a black sack dress with nine inch heels And then a guy with a blue mohawk comes in In Serious Leather . . . (And all the rest of whom for which To whensonever of partially indeterminate Bio-chemical degradation Seek the path to the sudsy yellow nozzle Of their foaming nocturnal Parametric digital whole-wheat inter-faith Geo-thermal terpsichorean ejectamenta) In Serious Leather . . . In Serious Chains Then they work the wall They work the pipe They work the floor 'N they work the wall some more

Thing-Fish FZ--vocals Ike Willis--vocals; rhythm guitar? Ray White--vocals; rhythm guitar? Jimmy Carl Black--voice Denny Walley--slide guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums While you WORK THE WALL WORK THE FLOOR WORK THE PIPE IN SERIOUS PAIN . . . Some take the bible For what it's worth When it says that the meek Shall inherit the Earth Well, I heard that some sheik Has bought New Jersey last week 'N you suckers ain't gettin' nothin' Is Hare Rama really wrong If you wander around With a napkin on With a bell on a stick An' your hair is all gone . . . (The geek shall inherit nothin')

You say yer life's a bum deal 'N yer up against the wall . . . Well, people, you ain't even got no kinda Deal at all 'Cause what they do In Washington They just takes care of NUMBER ONE An' NUMBER ONE ain't YOU You ain't even NUMBER TWO

'Cause we behave the same . . . We are dumb all over Dumb all over, Yes we are Dumb all over, Near 'n far Dumb all over, Black 'n white People, we is not wrapped tight

Those Jesus Freaks Well, they're friendly but The shit they believe Has got their minds all shut An' they don't even care When the church takes a cut Ain't it bleak when you got so much nothin' (So whaddya do? Hey!) Eat that pork Eat that ham Laugh till ya choke On Billy Graham Moses, Aaron 'n Abraham . . . They're all a waste of time 'N it's your ass that's on the line (IT'S YOUR ASS THAT'S ON THE LINE)

Nurds on the left Nurds on the right Religious fanatics On the air every night Sayin' the Bible Tells the story 'N makes the details Sound real gory 'Bout what to do If the geeks over there Don't believe in the book We got over here

Do what you wanna Do what you will Just don't mess up Your neighbor's thrill 'N when you pay the bill Kindly leave a little tip And help the next poor sucker On his one way trip . . . SOME TAKE THE BIBLE . . . (Aw gimme a half a dozen for the hotel room!) 15. Dumb All Over You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Have I Offended Someone? FZ--lead vocals; lead guitar Ike Willis--vocals; rhythm guitar? Ray White--vocals; rhythm guitar? Jimmy Carl Black--voice Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums

You can't run a race Without no feet 'N pretty soon There won't be no street For dummies to jog on Or doggies to dog on Religious fanatics Can make it be all gone (I mean it won't blow up 'N disappear It'll just look ugly For a thousand years . . . ) You can't run a country By a book of religion Not by a heap Or a lump or a smidgeon Of foolish rules Of ancient date Designed to make You all feel great While you fold, spindle And mutilate Those unbelievers From a neighboring state

Whoever we are Wherever we're from We shoulda noticed by now Our behavior is dumb And if our chances Expect to improve It's gonna take a lot more Than tryin' to remove The other race Or the other whatever From the face Of the planet altogether

TO ARMS! TO ARMS! Hooray! That's great Two legs ain't bad Unless there's a crate They ship the parts To mama in For souvenirs: two ears (Get Down!) Not his, not hers (but what the hey?) The Good Book says: "It gotta be that way!" But their book says: "REVENGE THE CRUSADES . . . With whips 'n chains 'N hand grenades . . . " TWO ARMS? TWO ARMS? Have another and another Our God says: "There ain't no other!" Our God says "It's all okay!" Our God says "This is the way!"

They call it THE EARTH Which is a dumb kinda name But they named it right

It says in the book: "Burn 'n destroy . . . 'N repent, 'n redeem

Ay! Hotel room mo-mo-mo-mom mo-mo-mom Hotel room mo-mo-mo-mom mo-mo-mom Ay-ay-ay-ay!

'N revenge, 'n deploy 'N rumble thee forth To the land of the unbelieving scum on the other side 'Cause they don't go for what's in the book 'N that makes 'em BAD So verily we must choppeth them up And stompeth them down Or rent a nice French bomb To poof them out of existance While leaving their real estate just where we need it To use again For temples in which to praise OUR GOD ("Cause he can really take care of business!") And when his humble TV servant With humble white hair And humble glasses And a nice brown suit And maybe a blonde wife who takes phone calls Tells us our God says It's okay to do this stuff Then we gotta do it, 'Cause if we don't do it, We ain't gwine up to hebbin! (Depending on which book you're using at the time . . . Can't use theirs . . . it don't work . . . it's all lies . . . Gotta use mine . . . ) Ain't that right? That's what they say Every night . . . Every day . . . Hey, we can't really be dumb If we're just following God's Orders Hey, Let's get serious . . . God knows what he's doin' . . . He wrote this book here An' the book says: "He made us all to be just like Him," so . . . If we're dumb . . . Then God is dumb . . . (An' maybe even a little ugly on the side) DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE

DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE 16. Heavenly Bank Account You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 FZ--vocals; lead guitar Ike Willis--vocals; rhythm guitar? Ray White--vocals; rhythm guitar? Bob Harris--vocals? Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE And if these words you do not heed Your pocketbook just kinda might recede When some man comes along and claims a godly need He will clean you out right through your tweed That's right, you asked for it, remember there is a big difference between kneeling down and bending over . . . He's got twenty million dollars In his Heavenly Bank Account . . . All from those chumps who was Born again Oh yeah, oh yeah He's got seven limousines And a private plane . . . All for the use of his Special Friends Oh yeah, oh yeah He's got thousand-dollar suits And a Wembley Tie . . . Girls love to stroke it While he's on the phone Oh yeah, oh yeah At the House of Representatives He's a groovy guy . . . When he Gives Thanks He is not alone . . .

He is dealin' He is really dealin' IRS can't determine Where The Hook is It is easy with the Bible To pretend that You're in Show Biz (And a-one, and a-two, and a . . . ) They won't get him They will never get him For the naughty stuff That he did It is best in cases like this To pretend that You are stupid (DOH . . . ) He's got Presidential Help All along the way He says the grace While the lawyers chew Oh yeah They sure do And the Governors agree to say: "He's a lovely man!" He makes it easier for Them to screw All of you . . . Yes, that's true! 'Cause he helps put The Fear of God In the Common Man Snatchin' up money Everywhere he can Oh yeah Oh yeah He's got twenty million dollars In his Heavenly Bank Account You ain't got nothin', people You ain't got nothin', people You ain't got nothin', people Thank the man . . . oh yeah As we end another broadcast day Let me say That you ain't got nothin' And he's got it all And your miserable self Is against the wall The only thing you have not tried It's the sport of chumps That's SUICIDE 17. Suicide Chump Halloween You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 FZ--lead vocals Ike Willis--vocals; rhythm guitar? Ray White--vocals; rhythm guitar? Bob Harris--vocals? Denny Walley--slide guitar; vocals? Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums

(Well, hoop hoop) You say there ain't no use in livin' (Well, hoop hoop) It's all a waste of time (Well, hoop hoop) 'N you wanna throw your life away, well (Well, go on, do it!) People that's just fine (Hoop hoop) Go ahead on 'n get it over with then (Well, hoop hoop) Find you a bridge 'n take a jump (Well, hoop hoop, well, hoop hoop) (Well . . . ) Just make sure you do it right the first time (Hoop!) 'Cause nothin's worse than a Suicide Chump (Oo-woo-woo-woo-woo, oh, yeah!) (Hoop hoop) You say there ain't no light a-shinin' (Well, hoop hoop) Through the bushes up ahead (Well, hoop hoop) 'N we're all gonna be so sorry (Well, sorry, dead now) When we find out you are dead (Hoop hoop) Go head on 'n get it over with then (Well, hoop hoop) Find you a bridge 'n take a jump (Well, hoop hoop, well, hoop hoop) (Well . . . ) Just make sure you do it right the first time (Hoop!) 'Cause nothin's worse than a Suicide Chump (Oo-woo-woo-woo-woo, oh, yeah!) (Oooh) Now maybe you're scared of jumpin' (Well, oooh) 'N poison makes you sick (Well, oooh) 'N you want a little attention (Well, oooh) 'N you need it pretty quick (Well, oooh) Don't wanna mess your face up (Well, oooh) Or we won't know if it's you (Well, oooh) Aw, there's just so much to worry about (Well, oo-woo-woo-wooh) Now what you gonna do? (Hoop hoop) Go ahead on 'n get it over with then (Well, hoop hoop) Find you a bridge 'n take a jump (Well, hoop hoop, well, hoop hoop) (Well . . . ) Just make sure you do it right the first time (Hoop!) 'Cause nothin's worse than a Suicide Chump (Oo-woo-woo-woo-woo, oh, yeah!) (Well, hoop hoop) Now maybe you're scared of jumpin' (Well, hoop hoop) 'N poison makes you sick (Well, hoop hoop) 'N you want a little attention (Well, hoop hoop) 'N you need it pretty quick (Well, hoop hoop) Don't wanna mess your face up (Well, hoop hoop) Or we won't know if it's you (Well, hoop hoop) Aw, there's just so much to worry about (Well, hoop hoop) Now what you gonna do? (Well, hoop hoop) Go head on 'n get it over with then (Well, hoop hoop) Go head on 'n get it over with then (Well, hoop hoop) Go head on 'n get it over with then (Well, hoop hoop) Go head on 'n get it over with then (Well, hoop hoop) Go head on 'n get it over with then (Well, hoop hoop) Go head on 'n get it over with then (Well, hoop hoop) Go head on 'n get it over with then (Well . . . ) You're on the bridge; Scared to leap, But a girl walks over To take a peep . . . She says: "DON'T DO IT!" But wouldn't you know . . . The girl got a head Like a buffalo With a little red hair All over the top An' her breath would make the Traffic stop She says "I LOVE YOU . . . BUT FIRST, LET'S EAT!" And all you can say as you run down the street is . . . 18. Jumbo Go Away includes Number 6

FZ--vocals Ike Willis--vocals; rhythm guitar? Ray White--vocals; rhythm guitar? Denny Walley--lead vocals ("It seems I can't explain") Moon Zappa--voice Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums Jumbo, go away Jumbo, go away Jumbo, go away Jumbo leave me alone Get your head off my bone I wanna go home (I'm hungry . . . ) Jumbo lighten up Jumbo lighten up Jumbo lighten up Jumbo give me a break Lighten up on my snake That's all I can take (Feed me!) It seems I can't explain The way I feel about you (Robbie, take me to Greek Town!) You just don't understand You're from Kalamazoo . . . (Blow!) You got to realize Our little romance deal Will not materialize Into a thing that you'd call REAL (I think I have worms . . . ) Jumbo gotta go Jumbo gotta go Jumbo gotta go Jumbo better get back Or your eye will get black When I give you a smack (No, Denny, don't hit me!) Jumbo don't you cry (Boo-hoo-hoo . . . ) Jumbo don't you cry Jumbo don't you cry Jumbo this is good-bye I ain't gonna lie So wash up your pie Wash up your pie (There are three things that smell like fish!) (Really, what are they?) Wash up your pie (One of them is fish . . . ) (Oh!) Wash up your pie (The other two . . . ) (What d'you mean the other two?) Wash up your pie (Are growing on you . . . ) 19. If Only She Woulda Basic track: Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA April 29, 1980

FZ--lead vocals; lead guitar Ike Willis--vocals; rhythm guitar? Ray White--vocals; rhythm guitar? Bob Harris--vocals? Ahmet Zappa--voice Moon Zappa--voice Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--Minimoog; organ solo David Logeman--drums You took a chance (You took a chance) On Jumbo's love (On Jumbo's love) If only she woulda (If only she woulda) Gave you the shove (Gave you the shove) That might have sent you (That might have sent you) On your way (On your way) But it's too late now, (It's too late now) You got a letter today . . . (You got a letter today) Well, life and love Has left you shafted And on top of that You just got drafted You just got drafted (That's right!) You just got drafted (Even your sister!) You just got drafted (Hey, let's jam!) You took a chance (You took a chance) On Jumbo's love (On Jumbo's love) If only she woulda (If only she woulda) Gave you the shove (Gave you the shove) That might have sent you (That might have sent you) On your way (On your way) But it's too late now (It's too late now) You got a letter today . . . (You got a letter today) Well, life and love Has left you shafted And of on top of that, hey-hey You just got drafted (To your left!) (Your right!) You just got drafted (Your left!) (Right, man!) (To your left!) (Your right!) You just got drafted (To your left!) (Right, man!) (To your left!) (Your right!) You just got . . . 20. Drafted Again The Lost Episodes FZ--lead vocals Ahmet Zappa--lead vocals Moon Zappa--lead vocals Jimmy Carl Black--voice Mark Pinske--voice Motorhead Sherwood--snorks Ike Willis--vocals; rhythm guitar?

Ray White--vocals; rhythm guitar? Bob Harris--vocals; trumpet Denny Walley--vocals Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass David Logeman--drums Special delivery . . . registered mail . . . OH NO You're gonna hafta sign fer this, buddy OH NO C'mon out heah, ya little sumbitch, I know you're in there OH NO Goddam little communist . . . (weep, weep, weep) I don't wanna get drafted I don't wanna go I don't wanna get drafted PHOOEY! I don't wanna get drafted I don't wanna go I don't wanna get drafted NO-OH-WOH-OH-WOH . . . Roller skates 'n disco It's a lot of fun I'm too young 'n stupid To operate a gun

And, but, also . . . A new car! I DON'T WANNA GET DRAFTED But that's not all . . . My-y-y sister don't wanna get drafted She don't wanna go My sister don't wanna get drafted My-y-y sister don't wanna get drafted She don't wanna go My sister don't wanna get drafted NO-OH-WOH-OH-WOh Wars are really ugly They're dirty and they're cold I don't want nobody To shoot me in the fox hole . . . fox hole I don't wanna get drafted I don't wanna get drafted I don't wanna get drafted I don't wanna get drafted Wars are really ugly They're dirty and they're cold I don't want nobody To shoot me in the fox hole . . . fox hole Aiieeeeeeeee . . . shot in the fox hole Aiieeeeeeeee . . . shot in the fox hole Aiieeeeeeeee . . . shot in the fox hole Aiieeeeeeeee . . . shot in the fox hole

LaCelia Jackson! Come on down! I DON'T WANNA GET DRAFTED "Leave my nose alone, please . . . " Nancy Butterworth! Come on down! I DON'T WANNA GET DRAFTED You're the next contestants on SOOOOO WHAT! I DON'T WANNA GET DRAFTED All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the album booklet Corrections and additions by Román, John W. Busher, Abe Scott, Thrust Pygmy and Charles Ulrich The parts on the original vinyl and not on the original CD re-mix are printed this way

Ship Arriving Too Late To Save A Drowning Witch (Zappa, May 1982) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

No Not Now 5:50 Valley Girl (FZ/Moon Zappa) 4:50 I Come From Nowhere 6:09 Drowning Witch 12:03 Envelopes 2:45 Teen-age Prostitute 2:41 Live recordings: September-December, 1981 Studio recordings: early 1982 Produced by Frank Zappa Mark Pinske engineer for basics & over-dubs Bob Stone engineer for over-dubs & re-mix UMRK Mobile remote recordings UMRK Central over-dubs & re-mix Roger Price cover illustration John Vince graphics Music Performed By: Frank Zappa Lead Guitar, Vocals Steve Vai Impossible Guitar Parts Ray White Rhythm Guitar, Vocals Tommy Mars Keyboards Bobby Martin Keyboards, Sax & Vocals Ed Mann Percussion Scott Thunes Bass on Drowning Witch, Envelopes, Teen-age Prostitute and Valley Girl Arthur Barrow Bass on No Not Now and the first part of I Come From Nowhere Patrick O'Hearn Bass on the guitar solo in I Come From Nowhere Chad Wackerman Drums Roy Estrada Vocals Ike Willis Vocals Bob Harris Vocals Lisa Popeil Vocal on Teen-age Prostitute Moon Zappa Vocal on Valley Girl

1. No Not Now Thing-Fish No not now No not now No not now No not now Maybe later Maybe later She say I'm free She say I'm free She say I'm free She say I'm free But I like her sister But I like her sister She can't decide Whom she wanna ride She can't decide Whom she wanna ride Tonight - tonight - tonight She changed her mind She changed her mind She changed her mind She changed her mind And I don't blame her And I don't blame her No not now (No no not now) No not now (No no not now) No not now (No no not now) No not now (No no not now) Maybe later Maybe later (Shut up! You need a vacation, boy!) The big ol' hat (The big ol' hat) The cowboy pants (Those cowboy pants) Transcontinental (It's a transcontinental) Hobby horse (A hobby hobby horse) String beans to Utah (That's right) String beans to Utah Tonight Ah, the wife (Ah, the wife) Oh, the waitress (And the waitress too) Oh, the drive (Yes, yes the drive) All night long (All night long) String beans to Utah (Yum yum) String beans to Utah Deliver string beans To Utah tonight (Giddyup) I better go fast Or they won't be all right (All right) Deliver string beans To Utah tonight (Yum yum)

Donny 'n Marie Can both take a bite (Bite it Marie) Hawaiian - Hawaiian - Hawaiian Lunch (Hawaiian lunch!) Boog, boog 'em Dano . . . Murder One! No not now (No no not now) No not now (No no no no not now) No not now (No no not now) No not now (No no no no not now) Maybe later Maybe later She changed her mind (She changed her mind) She changed her mind (You know she changed her mind) She changed her mind (She changed her mind) She changed her mind (You know she changed her mind) And I don't blame her And I don't blame her She's sorta wild (She wild, she wild) She's sorta wild (Really wild, really wild) She's sorta wild (She wild, she wild) A crazy child (Crazy child, crazy child) Tonight - tonight - tonight There she goes (There she goes) Up and down (Up and down) Ride that bull (She's ridin' the bull) All around (All around) The best in town (She's the best in town) Oh she goes (She go up, she go down) Up and down (I said up and down) Oh the bull (The whole bull) The whole bull (The whole bull) The whole bull (The whole damn thing) The best in town (Where she go? Ebzen Sauce . . . ) 2. Valley Girl (Frank Zappa/Moon Zappa) Have I Offended Someone? Moon Zappa lead vocal Valley Girl She's a Valley Girl Valley Girl She's a Valley Girl Okay, fine . . .

Fer sure, fer sure She's a Valley Girl In a clothing store Okay, fine . . . Fer sure, fer sure She's a . . . Like, OH MY GOD! (Valley Girl) Like - TOTALLY (Valley Girl) Encino is like SO BITCHEN (Valley Girl) There's like the Galleria (Valley Girl) And like all these like really great shoe stores I love going into like clothing stores and stuff I like buy the neatest mini-skirts and stuff It's like so BITCHEN cuz like everybody's like Super-super nice . . . It's like so BITCHEN, like . . . On Ventura, there she goes She just bought some bitchen clothes Tosses her head 'n flips her hair She got a whole bunch of nothin' in there Anyway, he goes are you into S and M? I go, oh RIGHT . . . Could you like just picture me in like a LEATHER TEDDY Yeah right, HURT ME, HURT ME . . . I'm sure! NO WAY! He was like freaking me out . . . He called me a BEASTIE . . . That's cuz like he was totally BLITZED He goes like BAG YOUR FACE! I'm sure! Valley Girl She's a Valley Girl Valley Girl She's a Valley Girl Okay, fine . . . Fer sure, fer sure She's a Valley Girl So sweet 'n pure Okay, fine . . . Fer sure, fer sure She's a . . . It's really sad (Valley Girl) Like my English teacher He's like . . . (Valley Girl) He's like Mr. BU-FU (Valley Girl) We're talking Lord God King BU-FU (Valley Girl) I am SO SURE He's like so GROSS He like sits there and like plays with all his rings And he like flirts with all the guys in the class It's like totally disgusting I'm like so sure It's like BARF ME OUT . . . Gag me with a spoon! Last idea to cross her mind Had something to do with where to find A pair of jeans to fit her butt And where to get her toenails cut So like I go into this like salon place, y'know And I wanted like to get my toenails done And the lady like goes, oh my God, your toenails Are like so GRODY It was like really embarrassing She's like OH MY GOD, like BAG THOSE TOENAILS I'm like sure . . . She goes, uh, I don't know if I can handle this, y'know . . . I was like really embarrassed . . .

Valley Girl She's a Valley Girl Valley Girl She's a Valley Girl Okay, fine Fer sure, fer sure She's a Valley Girl And there is no cure Okay, fine Fer sure, fer sure She's a Valley Girl And there is no cure Like my mother is like a total space cadet (Valley Girl) She like makes me do the dishes and (Valley Girl) CLEAN the cat box (Valley Girl) I am sure That's like GROSS (Valley Girl) BARF OUT! (Valley Girl) OH MY GOD (Valley Girl) Hi! Uh-huh . . . (Valley Girl) My name? My name is Ondrya Wolfson (Valley Girl) Uh-huh That's right, Ondrya (Valley Girl) Uh-huh . . . I know (Valley Girl) It's like . . . I do not talk funny . . . I'm sure (Valley Girl) Whatsa matter with the way I talk? (Valley Girl) I am a VAL, I know (Valley Girl) But I live in like in a really good part of Encino so it's okay (Valley Girl) Huh-ah . . . (Valley Girl) So like, I don't know (Valley Girl) I'm like freaking out totally (Valley Girl) Oh my God! (Valley Girl) Hi -- I have to go to the orthodontist (Valley Girl) I'm getting my braces off, y'know (Valley Girl) But I have to wear a retainer That's going to be really like a total bummer I'm freaking out I'm SURE Like those things that like stick in your mouth They're so gross . . . You like get saliva all over them But like, I don't know, it's going to be cool, y'know So you can see my smile It'll be like really cool Except my like my teeth are like too small But NO BIGGIE . . . It's so AWESOME It's like TUBULAR, y'know Well, I'm not like really ugly or anything It's just like I don't know You know me, I'm like into like the clean stuff Like PAC-MAN and like, I don't know Like my mother like makes me do the dishes It's like so GROSS . . . Like all the stuff like sticks to the plates And it's like, it's like somebody else's food, y'know It's like GRODY . . . GRODY TO THE MAX I'm sure It's like really nauseating Like BARF OUT GAG ME WITH A SPOON GROSS I am SURE TOTALLY . . .

3. I Come From Nowhere includes a quote from Big Swifty Roy Estrada lead vocal I come from nowhere And you should go there Just try it for a while The people from nowhere Always smile Their eyes are all frozen over The sides of their faces pooch out at the corners Because that's what happens when their mouths turn up On both sides Which is why we can tell they're smiling They never frown They never let their eyebrows turn down They like going around with their teeth showing All the time They are from nowhere Your teeth are showing So maybe you been there

Not even a witch oughta be caught On the bottom of America's spew-infested Waterways, hey-hey . . . She could get radiation all over her She could mutate insanely . . . She could mutate insanely . . . (that's right) You know, she could go on the freeway and grow up to be 15 feet tall And scary-lookin' And then . . . Cars could crash all over the place As a result of people with Hawaiian shirts on . . . Lookin' up to see her face Sardines in her eyebrows . . . Lobsters up 'n down her forehead All of them HORRIBLY LARGE FROM RADIATION . . . And smelling very bad And DANGEROUS! Maybe a submarine could save her, And bring her home to the Navy . . . For some kind of Oo-oo-oo-ah ah Ah-oo-oo oo-oo-oo Ah-oo-ahhh Ritual sacrifice . . . 5. Envelopes

You could have the disease of nowhere people Where the air gets stuck all over their gums When their nowhere lips roll back For real excitement They stand still They shut up Then they don't do nothing Out there in nowhere 4. Drowning Witch You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 includes quotes from a Hawaiian Punch commercial, Dragnet (Schumann/Rósza) and from Rite Of Spring (Stravinsky) 1st guitar solo: The Ritz, NYC November 17, 1981 FZ vocal section and first part of the 2nd solo: Uptown Theatre, Chicago November 27, 1981 Group vocal section: Santa Monica Civic Auditorium December 11, 1981 There's a ship arriving too late To save a drowning witch She was swimmin' along Tryin' to keep a date With a Merchant Marine Who told her he was really rich But it doesn't matter no more . . . She's on the ocean floor 'N the water's all green down there 'N it's not very clean down there 'N water snakes 'N rusty wrecks Is all that she can see As the light goes dim And she's tryin' to swim Will she make it? (Boy, we sure hope so . . . )

London Symphony Orchestra Vol. I Unknown location c. September-December, 1981

6. Teen-age Prostitute Santa Monica Civic Auditorium December 11, 1981 Lisa Popeil lead vocal She's only seventeen She's really sort of cute She's working in the street She's a teen-age prostitute She ran away from home Her mom was destitute Her daddy doesn't care She's a teen-age prostitute "I have got a pimp He treats me like a dog . . . " (All the stuff she's shooting Keeps her in a fog) "I would really like to try and get away . . . " (But if she gets caught he will cause her some dismay) "No no no no no!" Tiny little pants Chain around my boot Shakin' in the dark I'm (She's) a teen-age prostitute

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the album booklet Corrections and additions by Patrick Neve and Román

The Man From Utopia (Zappa, March 1983) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11.

Cocaine Decisions 3:54 SEX 3:43 Tink Walks Amok 3:38 The Radio Is Broken 5:51 We Are Not Alone 3:18 The Dangerous Kitchen 2:51 The Man From Utopia Meets Mary Lou (Woods/Woods/Jessie) 3:22 Stick Together 3:13 The Jazz Discharge Party Hats 4:28 Luigi & The Wise Guys 3:24 Mõggio 2:36 Studio cuts UMRK Central Live cuts UMRK Remote Produced by Frank Zappa Engineered by Bob Stone Mark Pinske Dave Jerdan Alphabet & Illustration by Tanino Liberatore Art Direction John Vince Frank Zappa Guitar, Vocals, ARP 2600, Linn Drum Machine Steve Vai Impossible Guitar Parts (on strat and acoustic) Ray White Guitar & Vocals Roy Estrada Pachuco Falsettos, etc. Bob Harris Boy Soprano Ike Willis Bionic Baritone Bobby Martin Keyboards, Sax & Vocals Tommy Mars Keyboards Arthur "Tink" Barrow Keyboards, Bass, Micro-Bass, Rhythm Guitar Ed Mann Percussion Scott Thunes Bass Chad Wackerman Drums Vinnie Colaiuta Drums (on "Dangerous Kitchen" & "Jazz Discharge Party Hats") Craig "Twister" Steward Harmonica Dick Fegy Mandolin Marty Krystall Saxophones

1. Cocaine Decisions You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Roy Estrada vocals Bob Harris vocals Craig "Twister" Steward harmonica Scott Thunes bass Chop a line now . . . Cocaine decisions . . . You are a person with a snow job You got a fancy gotta-go job Where the cocaine decision that you make today Will mean that millions somewhere else Will do it your way Cocaine decisions . . . You are a person who is high class You are a person not in my class And the cocaine decision that you make today Will mean nothing later on When you get nose decay I don't wanna know 'Bout the things that you pull Outta your nose Or where they goes But if you are wasted From the stuff you're stickin' in it I get madder every day 'Cause what you do 'n what you say Affects my life in such a way I learn to hate it every minute! I don't wanna know 'Bout the things that you pull Outta your nose Or where they goes But if you are wasted From the stuff you're stickin' in it I get madder every day 'Cause what you do 'n what you say Affects my life in such a way I learn to hate it every minute!

Cocaine decisions . . . You are a doctor or a lawyer You got an office with a foyer And the cocaine decision that you make today Will not be discovered till it's over 'n done By the customers you hold at bay Cocaine decisions . . . You are a movie business guy You got accountants who supply The necessary figures To determine when you fly To Acapulco Where all your friends go Cocaine decisions . . . We must watch the stuff you make You have let us eat the cake While your accountants tell you Yes Yes Yes You make EXPENSIVE UGLINESS (How do you do it? -- Let me guess . . . ) Cocaine decisions . . . Cocaine decisions . . . Cocaine decisions . . .

Cocaine decisions . . . Cocaine decisions . . . Cocaine decisions . . . Cocaine decisions . . . Cocaine decisions . . . 2. SEX Have I Offended Someone? What's the thing that they's talkin' about everywhere? SEX When they wanna be suave 'n debonair SEX What's poppin' up the most from coast to coast SEX At yer bongo party an' yer weenie roast SEX Even them Christians who is born again SEX Go out 'n get pooched every now 'n' then SEX

Do ya do or don't ya don't SEX Bet yer lyin' if ya say ya won't Some girls try it 'n go on a diet Then they worry 'cause they's too fat Who wants t'ride on an ironin' board? That ain't no fun . . . I tried me one Grow that meat all over yer bones Work the wall with the local jones 'N while you do it, remember this line The Sniffer says it all the time "THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN' THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN' THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN' THE BIGGER THE CUSHION . . . " Makes no difference if yer young or old SEX Don't you act like it's made of gold SEX Ladies they need it just like the guys SEX Maybe you could use a protein surprise SEX Layin' down or standin' up SEX You get reals good, just keep it up SEX

Any time, anywhere SEX Why d'ya think it's growin' there? SEX Some girls try it 'n they don't like it They complain 'cause it don't last Who wants to ride on a debutante? They talks too much . . . they moves too fast

Watch the scenery while you ride You can be very warm inside 'N when the train goes 'round the bend Check the shrub'ry on the other end "THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN' THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN' THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN' THE BIGGER THE CUSHION . . . " "THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN' THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN' THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN' THE BIGGER THE CUSHION . . . "

3. Tink Walks Amok

4. The Radio Is Broken includes a quote from My Sharona (Fieger/Averre) FZ & Roy Estrada lead vocals Arthur Barrow bass, piano and guitar

They need to reproduce (with Richard Basehart) They need to reproduce (with Jackie Coogan) They need to reproduce (with Sonny Tufts) The botchino . . . the botchino . . . The botchino . . . the botchino . . . The botchino . . . the botchino . . . The gigantic spider The co-pilot always plays the harmonica The navigator always gets killed by a bad space person Uh-oh -- the radio is broken It don't work anymore The radio is broken It don't work anymore The radio is broken It don't work anymore We'll never get back to the Earth no more Uh-oh! We have to fall in love on Uranus The radio is . . . That's right -- uh-oh The radio is broken The meteor storm You spilled your coke You're stepping on the popcorn JOHN AGAR! Uh-oh . . . (Dwarf Nebula) 5. We Are Not Alone

The cosmos at large It's so very big It's so far away The comets . . . the craters . . . the vapors The solar wind The residual echoes . . . the residual echoes The residual echoes . . . the residual echoes The residual echoes from the giant explosion Where they said it beginned The germs from space! The negative virus knitwear The blobulent suit That's right! THE BLOBULENT SUIT It's made of rubber, it's very ugly . . . It's got an air hose . . . (The guy that has it all has a Space Wrench!) The things that were supposed to be green in the black and white movies They get you in the neck when you're not looking They get you, they get you, they get you, get you, get you The radio is broken -- it don't work no more The radio is broken -- it don't work no more The lovely Lisa Kranston Her father invented the secret fuel (that's right!) For the rocket, So she gets to go with a clipboard She writes it down when the meters go around And falls in love in a space warp Space warp Space warp The giant knobs The porthole where you see the earth for the first time The corrogated fiberglass interior walls The partially reclining G-force lawn furniture The brown hole The pointed brasseries The atomic war The tiny little dresses on the space girls A love starved race Begging to reproduce with earthmen They need to reproduce (with John Agar) They need to reproduce (with Morris Ankrum)

6. The Dangerous Kitchen You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Basic track: Armadillo World Headquarters, Austin, Texas October 16, 1980 (except last verse from unknown location, 1981) Vinnie Colaiuta drums The dangerous kitchen If it ain't one thing it's another In the middle of the night when you get home The bread things are all dry 'n scratchy The meat things where the cats ate trough the paper The can things with the sharp little edges That can cut your fingers when you're not looking The soft little things on the floor that you step on They can all be DANGEROUS Sometimes The milk can hurt you (If you put it on your cereal Before you smell the plastic container) And the stuff in the strainer Has a mind of its own So be very careful In the dangerous kitchen When the night time has fallen And the roaches are crawlin' In the kitchen of danger You can feel like a stranger The bananas are black They got flies in the back And also the chicken In the dish with the foil Where the cream is all clabbered

And the salad is frightful Your return in the evening Can be less than delightful You must walk very careful You must not lean against it It can get on your clothing It can follow you in As you walk to the bedroom And you take all your clothes off While you're sleeping It crawls off It gets in your bed It could get on your face then It could eat your complexion You could die from the danger Of the dangerous kitchen Who the fuck wants to clean it? It's disgusting and dirty The sponge on the drainer Is stinky and squirty If you squeeze it when you wipe up What you get on your hands then Could unbalance your glands and Make you blind or whatever . . . In the dangerous kitchen At my house tonight 7. The Man From Utopia Meets Mary Lou (Donald & Doris Woods/Obie Jessie) You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 includes The Man From Utopia (Donald & Doris Woods) and Mary Lou (Obie Jessie) Well, this is the story of a man who lived in Utopia This is the story of a man who lived in Utopia He was a funny little fella with feet just like I showed ya Well, he had a girl, her name was Mary Lou Well, he had a girl, her name was Mary Lou She did everything for him that she could do But still (still), still (still), still he wouldn't treat her right But still (still), still (still), still he wouldn't treat her right He would leave in the morning, don't come back till late at night Ahh, Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou) Oh child you big fool (big fool, big fool) Ahh, Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou) Oh child you big fool (big fool, big fool) You did everything for him that you could do (Mary Lou, Mary Lou) I'm going to tell you a story about Mary Lou I mean the kind of a girl who make a fool of you She'd make a young man groan and a poor man pain The way she took my money was a cryin' shame Mary Lou -- she took my watch and chain Mary Lou -- she took my diamond ring Mary Lou -- she took my Cadillac car Jumped in my Kitty and then drove afar Well, she picked up from Georgia, moved to Kalamazoo Made her a fortune outa fools like you Met her a rich man who was married and had two kids She stoked that cat until he flipped his lid Mary Lou -- she took my watch and chain Mary Lou -- she took my diamond ring

Mary Lou -- she took my Cadillac car Jumped in my Kitty and then drove afar Well, she came back to town about a week ago Told me she was sorry she had hurt me so I had a '55 Ford and a two dollar bill The way she took that man she gave me a chill Mary Lou -- she took my watch and chain Mary Lou -- she took my diamond ring Mary Lou -- she took my Cadillac car Jumped in my Kitty and then drove afar Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou) Oh child you big fool (big fool, big fool) Ahh, Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou) Oh child you big fool (big fool, big fool) You did everything for him that you could do (Mary Lou, Mary Lou) You did everything for him that you could do (Mary Lou, Mary Lou) You did everything for him that you could do 8. Stick Together You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 This is a song about the union, friends How they fucked you over and the way they bends The rules to suit a special few And you gets pooched every time they do You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) Once upon a time the idea was good If only they'd a done what they said they would It ain't no better, they's makin' it worse The labor movement's got the Mafia curse You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) Don't be no fool, don't be no dope Common sense is your only hope When the union tells you it's time to strike Tell the motherfucker to take a hike You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) (Ray: You can have a good thing . . . ) (Ike: You gotta stick, you gotta stick, yeah . . . )

You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) (Ray: A thing might you can do . . . ) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) (Ike: I'm a bit . . . day-ay-yeah . . . ) (Ray: . . . ) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) (Ike: I gotta need, yeah, I gotta need) (Ray: Talkin' 'bout men!) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) (Ike: But . . . good for me today) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) (Ray: . . . oh, y'all) (Ike: I know you told me, I gotta be a diggin' blind) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) (Ray: . . . town) (Ike: Unemployment line, unemployment line) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) (Ike: I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know, yeah . . . ) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) (Ike: Oh yeah . . . ) (Ray: Send my check was in a mess . . . ) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) (Ike: Get in the line!) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) (Ray: Talkin' 'bout some . . . ) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) 9. The Jazz Discharge Party Hats Southern Illinois University, Carbondale November 15, 1980 Vinnie Colaiuta drums Once upon a time, it was in Albuquerque, New Mexico There were these girls that worked at the college The were really cool . . . (They thought so anyway) They would be delighted to tell you how suave they were At the drop of a hat There was three of 'em . . . One of them thought she was a Beauty Queen . . . The other one was a Walking Blow Job . . . And then there was this skinny girl . . . Oh well . . . Some of the guys in the band got together With the girls from the college They were having a good time . . . We were in Albuquerque for a couple of days But these girls thought they were Hot Shit 'N wouldn't pooch the guys in the band on the first day, so . . . A couple of the guys in the band Who were desperate for THAT KIND OF ACTION Kept workin' on 'em for two days (Which is a waste of fuckin' time anyway . . . ) So, anyway . . . But if that's your idea of a good time, what the hey . . . Send those pants up here . . . here's some more Okay, good-good! Traditional cotton . . . oh, how sweet! Umt . . . huh-huh-huh-huhhh . . . HERE! Work these!

Anyway . . . we're in Albuquerque, New Mexico . . . A couple of the guys in the band, who shall go nameless Because their girlfriends might find out Decided they were gonna work the wall on these girls From the college So, one night . . . it was the first night When they were still trying to get it in there (Ya know what I mean? Huh-huh-huh . . . ) The skinny girl, she says to one of the guys in the band She says, well, to several of the guys in the band And one of the T-shirt guys too . . . "HEY! LET'S GO SKINNY-DIPPING!" At two o'clock in the morning at the pool at the hotel That's right, your heard right, Two o'clock in the morning, pool at the hotel . . . It was so fun . . . But the water was very, very cold . . . So they go out there and the girl who was really skinny 'N probably totally insensitive to climatic changes Took all of her garments off and she jumped in the pool And she says, "HEY GUYS! COME ON IN!" Well, one of them did . . . The other one was too smart for that shit . . . So him and the T-shirt guy say by the edge of the pool And when the girl who was really skinny (And insensitive to climatic changes) Took off her clothes and jumped in the pool She threw her pants over there by the little table . . . Well, one of the guys from the band picked up her panties (He told me later that the stuff in the bottom Was like punching an eclair . . . ) Anyhow . . . there was nothing else to do . . . It was Albuquerque, New Mexico . . . It's two o'clock in the morning . . . They're not going to get any nooky anyway . . . So this one guy and the T-shirt guy Started sniffing the girl's panties . . . They were sniffing the fudge and sniffing the glue . . . Sniffing everything that adhered to these Delightful little morsels (Some of you might think this is weird . . . No wonder . . . it's not exactly normal, but what the fuck?) So, they're snorting it . . . (Hey! It's the twentieth century . . . Whatever you can do to have a good time, let's get on with it So long as it doesn't cause a murder . . . ) So they're snorting the pants 'N then they put them on their heads . . . They were having a good time . . . The girl was in the water . . . she didn't even see What was going on with her underpants . . . They were wearing the pants It looked just like a tiny little party hat . . . Their ears were sticking out the side . . . it was so fun Later on they discovered This would make a great way of life for them . . . They would go from town to town looking for panties They would take the panties after they were hung up On the clothes line . . . Later on they would take 'em back in the dressing room They would play with them . . . They would fetish the underpants . . . They would snort every little morsel attached to the underpants . . . and then . . . they would feel that They were FULFILLED And so you can see That what we're doing here on stage Is part of a great American Tradition The tradition of the JAZZ DISCHARGE PARTY HATS 10. Luigi & The Wise Guys

Roy Estrada lead vocals You-you-you-ooo Look like a dor-r-r-k You act like a dork Most of the time, also You're a dor-r-r-r-k (Butt rash, butt rash, butt ra-iee-ah-iee-ash) You are a double-dork butt rash (Butt rash, butt rash, butt ra-iee-ah-iee-ash) You are a dork, dork, dork, dork, dor-r-r-r-k! (Butt rash, butt rash, butt ra-iee-ah-iee-ash) Nobody wants to . . . (That goes there? Okay . . . okay) (Bu-uh-uh-uh-utt rash) You are boring . . . you have nothing to say (Butt rash, butt rash, butt rash, butt rash) (Nobody wants to hang out with you) You eat cheese -- you eat cheese and other things You can can wrap it up an' take it with you (Butt rash, butt rash, butt rash, butt rash) From the table (Luigi & The Wise Guys at the table) With Luigi & The Wise Guys You are a dork You are a dor-r-r-r-k A double-dork butt rash There's one in every crew -- do you know who you are? We know, but we won't tell you (Butt rash, butt rash, butt ra-iee-ah-iee-ash) We don't want to hurt your feelings (Butt rash, butt rash, butt ra-iee-ah-iee-ash) But you're a dor-r-r-r-k (Bu-uh-uh-uh-utt rash)

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the album booklet Corrections and additions by Román and Charles Ulrich The parts on the CD re-mix and not on the original vinyl are printed this way And the parts on the vinyl and not on the CD re-mix this other way

Might as well admit it When you're a dork You're a dork, all the way (Nobody wants to hang out with you) You're a dork A double A double dork butt rash A double butt rash dork Luigi & The Wise Guys at the table You look like a dork Like a dork You act like a dork most of the time You're a dor-r-r-r-k Double dork Double dork Double dork butt rash DOR-R-R-R-K Double dork Double dork Double dork butt rash DOR-R-R-R-K Double dork Double dork Double dork butt rash 11. Mõggio You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 Basic track: Uptown Theatre, Chicago November 27, 1981

Baby Snakes (Frank Zappa, March 1983) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

Intro Rap/Baby Snakes 2:22 Titties & Beer 6:13 The Black Page #2 2:50 Jones Crusher 2:53 Disco Boy 3:51 Dinah-Moe Humm 6:37 Punky's Whips 11:29 The Palladium, NYC October 28-31, 1977 Recording engineer: Kerry McNab Remix engineer: Mark Pinske photography by Norman Seeff & Lynn Goldsmith Music performed by FZ guitar, vocals Terry Bozzio drums, vocals Roy Estrada gas mask, vocals Adrian Belew guitar, vocals Ed Mann percussion Patrick O'Hearn bass Tommy Mars keyboards, vocals Peter Wolf keyboards + New York's Finest Crazy Persons including: Warren Cuccurullo Brian Rivera

1. Intro Rap/Baby Snakes Sheik Yerbouti Warren: Tonight though I, I tell you one thing . . . 'bout these New York crowds . . . some of 'em . . . they, they get too carried away, you know, because they think Frank Zappa is such a . . . a mad man, you know, they come here to . . . to see him go crazy or something, you know . . . they don't realize that it's . . . there's notes involved, you know . . . I told you the first time I met you . . . you remember that, what I said? FZ: You wanna be in the band? Warren: No! . . . Well . . . I, I wouldn't do that, man, I would try out for your band . . . but I wouldn't . . . FZ: I'll try ya out Warren: I don't sing . . . I'd do anything, you see . . . FZ: What d'you mean you don't sing? Warren: I don't sing FZ: I've heard you singing, you can sing. . . sing something . . . Sing "Baby Snakes" Baby Snakes Late at night is when they come out Baby Snakes Sure you know what I'm talkin' about Pink 'n wet They make the best kinda pet Baby Baby Snakes I looked around An' there's a couple right near me Baby Snakes Maybe I think they can probably hear me Pink 'n wet I'll take all I can get Baby Baby Baby Sna-a-a-a-a-a-akes, Yeah They live in a ho-ho-ho-ho-hole (Tiny hole) That is usually empty (Usually empty; tiny too) They live by a co-co-a-co-a-co-co-a-code (Dit dit dit dit) (Dit dit dit dit) (Dit dit dit dit) (Dit dit dit dit) That is usually SMPTE Which stands for Society of Motion Picture & Television Engineers But maybe I think That is what keeps them in sync They're wet 'n they're pink I think I'll give 'em a, give 'em a, Give 'em a drink Baby Sna-a-a-a-a-a-akes 2. Titties & Beer

It was the BLACKEST NIGHT! There was no MOON in sight! (You know the stars ain't shinin' 'Cause the sky's too tight) Heard the SCARY WIND! I seen some UGLY TREES! There was a WEREWOLF honkin', 'Long the side of me! I'm MEAN 'n I'm BAD, (y'know I ain't no SISSY) Got a BIG-TITTY GIRLY by the name of 'CHRISSY' Talkin' about her 'N MY BIKE 'N ME . . . 'N this ride up THE MOUNTAIN OF MYSTERY, (mystery) FZ: How 're you doin'? I noticed EVEN THE CRICKETS Actin' WEIRD up here, 'N so I figured I might Just drink a little BEER, I said: "Gimme summa that, what yer suckin' on!" But there was NO REPLY, 'Cause SHE WAS GONE! "Where's those TITTIES I like so well 'N my GODDAM BEER!" Is what I started to yell, Then I heard this noise, Like a crunchin' twig, 'N up jumped THE DEVIL! (He's about THIS BIG!) He had a RED SUIT on An' a WIDOW'S PEAK An' then a POINTED TAIL 'N like a SULPHUR REEK, Yes, it was HIM, awright I swear I KNOWED IT WAS! He had some HUMAN FLESH Stuck underneath his CLAWS You know, it looked to me Like it was TITTY SKIN! I said, "YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH!," ('Cause I was MAD at him!) He just got out his floss 'N started cleanin' his fang So I shot him with my shooter Said: BANG! BANG! BANG! Then the sucker just laughed 'N said: Terry: Put it away! You know, I ate her all up, Now what you gonna say? FZ: YOU ATE MY CHRISSY? Terry: Yeah! TITTIES 'N ALL! FZ: WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE BEER, THEN?

Zappa In New York Have I Offended Someone? Läther

Terry: Now, were the cans THIS tall?

includes a quote from Sunshine Of Your Love (Brown/Bruce/Clapton)

FZ: EVEN HER BOOTS?

Terry: Would I LIE to you?

I MEAN, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE 'THE DEVIL,' SO . . . WHATCHA GONNA DO? HUH?

FZ: SHIT, YOU MUSTA BEEN HUNGRY!

Terry: Now hold on just a second . . . you wanna make a deal with me, hah? FZ: Yeah! Terry: Well ah, I don't know man, you know . . . I just don't know about this . . . FZ: What? Terry: See, 'cause, uh . . . FZ: Losing your . . . are you losing your nerve? Terry: No man, it ain't got nothin' to do with nerve . . . It's got to do ... FZ: You're supposed to be the Devil! You're supposed to be bad! Terry: It's got to do with style, fool! I don't know if you're the right style to get into Hell, you know . . . FZ: Well, actually, to tell you . . . tell you the honest to God truth, I'm very short on style as a matter of fact . . . Terry: Yeah, I know . . . that's, that's what makes me wonder FZ: But lemme . . . But I have . . . I, I think I have something that you may be interested in . . . Terry: What is that?

Terry: Yeah! THIS is TRUE. FZ: DON'T THEY PAY YOU GOOD FOR THE STUFF THAT YOU DO? Terry: Well, you know, I can't complain when the checks come through! FZ: WELL I WANT MY CHRISSY Terry: Oh, yeah . . . FZ: 'N I WANT MY BEER Terry: Hah! FZ: SO YOU JUST BARF IT BACK UP! NOW, DEVIL, DO YOU HEAR? Terry: Look-- Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I mean, I am THE DEVIL, do you UNDERSTAND? Just WHAT WILL YOU GIVE ME for your TITTIES 'N BEER? I suppose you noticed this little CONTRACT here . . . FZ: YER GODDAM RIGHT, YOU SON-OF-A-WHORE! Terry: Don't call me that! FZ: THAT'S ABOUT THE ONLY REASON I LEARNED WRITIN' FOR! GIMME THAT PAPER! BET YER HORNS I'LL SIGN! BECAUSE I NEED A BEER, 'N IT'S TITTY-SQUEEZIN' TIME! Terry: Man, you can't fool ME! You ain't THAT bad! FZ: OH, YEAH? Terry: Why, YOU SHOULDA SEEN some of the SOULS THAT I'VE HAD! There was MILHOUS NIXON 'N AGNEW TOO! 'N both of those suckers was WORSE 'N YOU! FZ: LET'S MAKE A DEAL, IF YOU THINK THAT'S TRUE

FZ: You can have my soul It's a mean little sucker 'Bout a thousand years old But once you gets it You can't give it back You gotta keep it forever An' that's a natural fact! Terry: Ooh wee! FZ: Do you read me devil? Terry: Oh yeah! What? Am I supposed to be scared, man? FZ: Oh yeah, Reety aw-righty? Terry: Oh yeah, that's real tough! I bet you're real bad! Listen fool, you got to prove to me that you're rough enough to get into Hell, that you got the style enough to get into Hell, so start talkin' . . . FZ: Alright, lemme tell ya somethin' Terry: Alright! FZ: I'll prove to you that I'm bad enough to go to hell Terry: Yeah! FZ: Because I have been through it! Terry: Yeah! FZ: I have seen it! Terry: Yeah! FZ: It has happened to me! Terry: Yeah! FZ: Remember, I WAS SIGNED WITH WARNER BROTHERS FOR EIGHT FUCKIN' YEARS!!! Terry: Tell me about it! Now you're talkin' my language! FZ: Now how bad is that? Terry: That sounds good to me, motherfucker! So move right along, tell me what your interests are, you know . . . if we're gonna come to some kind of agreement, I've got to know what you're all about, you know . . . 'Cause I don't know if you're the right cat for the . . . for the place, you know FZ: Look . . . lemme tell you what my problem really is, you see Terry: OK . . . FZ: My problem is that I don't belong anywhere Terry: A-ha . . . FZ: You see . . . I don't even belong where you are, you see Terry: I hope not! FZ: I, I'm a simple person, you know, I have very small desires in life, Titties 'n beer, you know Terry: No! What? FZ: Titties 'n beer! Terry: No! No man, you're joking . . . FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer . . . Terry: What? No! FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer . . . Terry: No please . . . No! Not that! FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer . . . Terry: Oh no man, no, please, ARGH!

FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer . . . Terry: No! No! No! No! FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, ti-dit-de-dunt de-dunt de-dunt . . . Terry: No! Not titties 'n beer! FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer . . . Terry: Oh, I can't stand titties 'n beer! . . . FZ: Ay-ya hey-yah! Ah--titties 'n beer, ah--titties 'n beer, ah--titties 'n beer, ah--titties 'n . . . (I'M IN YOU!) . . . titties 'n beer . . . (I'M IN YOU!) Terry: Oh no! No! No! Wait . . . FZ: Ah! Look at this! What am I gonna do with this thing? Terry: . . . Wait, wait, please no! FZ: Hey! Look at this! Terry: No, Don't sign it! Give me time to think! Hold on a second, boy, 'cause . . . That's MAGIC INK! Then THE DEVIL barfed 'N out jumped m'girl They heard the TITTIES PLOP-PLOPPIN' All around the world, she said: "I GOT THREE BEERS 'N A FIST FULLA DOWNS, AN' I'M GONNA GET RIPPED, SO FUCK YOU CLOWNS!" Then she gave us THE FINGER! (It was rigid 'n stiff) That's when THE DEVIL, she FARTED An' SHE WENT RIGHT OVER THE CLIFF! THE DEVIL WAS MAD! (I took off to my pad) I swear I DO DECLARE! How did SHE get BACK THERE? Swear I DO DECLARE! How did SHE get BACK THERE? Swear I DO DECLARE! How did SHE get BACK THERE? Swear I DO DECLARE! How did SHE get BACK THERE? Awright!

Grind up my jones Well, she's tryin' to Grind up my jones Grind up my jones Grind up my jones She don't never wanna leave it alone She can push; she can shove Till it's just a nub She can push; she can shove Till it's just a nub Just a nub . . . Just a nub . . . Here she comes With her red dress on Steam shoots out From the sprinklers on the lawn Eyes be rolling On the concrete fawn The wind can't blow 'Cause the sky is gone The wind can't blow 'Cause the sky is gone The wind can't blow 'Cause the sky is gone The wind can't blow 'Cause the sky is gone Jones crusher, jones crusher! Deadly jaws, better get the gauze She's a jones crusher, jones crusher Deadly jaws, better get the gauze She's a . . . mmmh . . . ouch! Hey, look out for them the deadly jaws! Aw, can you tell it, baby, OOOUUUCH! Aw, jones, y'all . . . 5. Disco Boy Zoot Allures Have I Offended Someone? You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4

3. The Black Page #2 Baby Snakes Zappa In New York Läther You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 Make A Jazz Noise Here

The Palladium, NYC October 30, 1977 Disco Boy Run to the toilet, honey, Comb your hair

4. Jones Crusher Sheik Yerbouti My baby's got Jones-crushin' love Jones-crushin' love Jones-crushin' love Well my baby's got Jones-crushin' love Jones-crushin' love Jones-crushin' love She don't merely fit like a glove That little girl's got the jones . . . That little girl's got the jones . . . She's tryin' to Grind up my jones Grind up my jones

Disco Boy Pucker yer lip, 'N check yer shoulder, 'Cause some dandruff might be Hidin' there! Disco Boy, You're the DISCO KING! Aw, the Disco-Thing Made you think Someday, That you Just might GO SOMEWHERE! Disco Girl! You're 'out-a-site'! You need a Disco Boy To treat you right He'll do a little dance;

Take you home tonight (Leave his hair alone, But you can kiss his comb)

Make sure you look all right (You look all right, you really do!) 6. Dinah-Moe Humm

Disco Boy! Run to the toilet honey, Comb your hair Guy In The Audience: THEY STOLE MY POODLE FROM LAST . . . Disco Boy! . . . more than three times 'n yer playin' with it (WOW!) While yer standin' there!

Over-Nite Sensation Have I Offended Someone? FZ:OZ Halloween You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 includes a quote from Sunshine Of Your Love (Brown/Bruce/Clapton) I couldn't say where she's comin' from, But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm

Listen . . . Disco Boy! Do the Bump every night, 'til the Disco Girl Who's REALLY RIGHT Gonna fall for yer line, 'N feed you a box fulla Chicken Delight! (That's right! And then when she feeds it to you, You have to eat it!) Disco chit-chat; so demure! Pump that booty all across the floor! A disco drink A disco wink "You never go doody!" (That's what you think) "You never go doody!" (That's what you think) "You never go doody!" (That's what you think) Doody You never go doody Doody You never go doody Disco Boy! You got one more chance To comb your hair again Disco Boy! They're closin' the bar, And she's leavin' with your friend! (That's right!) Disco Boy, That's the way it goes, So wipe your nose, 'N try it again, To get a little pussy tomorrow! Disco Boy, No one understands, But thank THE LORD That you still got hands To help you do that jerkin' that'll Blot out yer Disco Sorrow! (Jerk it!) It's Disco Love tonight Make sure you look all right It's Disco Love tonight

She strolled on over, say, "Look here, bum, I got a forty-dollar bill says You can't make me cum . . . (No way! Y'jes can't do it") She made a bet with her sister (who's a little bit dumb) She could prove it any time all men was scum I don't mind that she called me a bum But I knew right away she was really gonna cum (So I got down to it) Whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb An' applied rotation to her sugar plum I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb But I still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Humm Where this Dinah-Moe Comin' from I just spent three hours An' I ain't got a crumb From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe From the Dinah-Moe Humm (Moo-ah!) Got a spot that gets me hot You ain't been to it Got a spot that gets me hot You ain't been to it Got a spot that gets me hot You ain't been to it Got a spot that gets me hot You ain't been to it An' I can't get into it Unless I get out of it An' I gotta be out of it To get myself into it An' I can't get into it Unless I get out of it An' I gotta get out of it Before I get into it (She looked over at me with a glazed eye And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area And she said . . . and here's what she said . . . ) "Just get me wasted An' you're half-way there 'Cause if my mind's tore up Well, then my body don't care . . . "

I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin An' said, "My-my-my! What sort of thing Might this lady get high upon?" The forty-dollar bill didn't matter no more When her sister got nekkid an' laid on the floor She said Dinah-Moe might win the bet But she could use a little (OW!) if I wasn't done yet I told her: "Just because the sun Want a place in the sky No reason to assume I wouldn't give her a try . . . " So I pulled on her hair Got her legs in the air An' asked if she had any cooties in there WHADDYA MEAN, 'COOTIES'! NO 'COOTIES' ON ME! She was buns-up kneelin' BUNS UP! I was wheelin' an' dealin' WHEELIN' AN' DEALIN' AN' OOOOOH! She surrendered to the feelin' SHE SWEETLY SURRENDERED An' she started in to squealin' Dinah-Moe watched from the edge of the bed With her lips just a-twitchin' an' her face gone red Some drool rollin' down From the edge of her chin While she spied the condition Her sister was in She quivered 'n quaked An' clutched at herself Her sister made a joke About her mental health Until Dinah-Moe finally Did give in But I told her All she really needed Was some discipline . . . I said, Kiss my aura . . . Dora . . . That's right! You know why? Because obviously it was real angora And then I said, Would you all like some more-a? Right here on the flora? An' how 'bout you, Fauna? Do you wanna? Brian: Frank, Frank . . . up on stage, up on stage, Frank . . . FZ: What? Brian: Take me up man, I want... FZ: Take you up? Brian: Yeah! FZ: Sure! . . . Wait a minute, now that you're up on stage, what's your name? Brian: Brian Rivera FZ: Are you having a OK Halloween, Brian? Brian: I'm having an excellent time! Sing for Greenwich, man, Greenwich, Connecticut . . . FZ: Alright now, I'll tell you what, Brian, do you know the words to this song? Brian: Well, in a way, in a way . . . FZ: OK, here's . . . Brian, this is your golden opportunity. This is the Frank Zappa Perform-Alike Contest, and here's what you're going to

do: We're gonna play the song again and you're gonna pretend you're me, and you pretend to sing the song and dance all across the stage and give these people a very good Halloween show, would you? Brian: Right! Yeah! Yeah! FZ: OK, ready? Work! Work! I couldn't say where she's comin' from But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm (Great!) She strolled on over, say, "Look here, bum I got a forty-dollar bill says You can't make me cum . . . (Y'jes can't do it)" She made a bet with her sister (who's a little bit dumb) She could prove it any time all men was scum I don't mind that she called me a bum But I knew right away she was really gonna cum (So I got down to it) Whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb An' applied rotation to her sugar plum I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb You know I heard some Dinah-Moe Humm, Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Little Dinah-Moe A Dinah-Moe Little Dinah-Moe Little Dinah-Moe Little Dinah-Moe again Little Dinah-Moe Little Dinah-Moe again Little Dinah-Moe Little Dinah-Moe again Little Dinah-Moe Little Dinah-Moe again Little Dinah-Moe Little Dinah-Moe again Little Dinah-Moe Little Dinah-Moe again Little Dinah-Moe Little Dinah-Moe again (Hey! How come you guys aren't singing it? Wait a minute, wait a minute . . . ) Dinah-Moe . . . Dinah-Moe . . . Dinah-Moe . . . Dinah-Moe . . . (That's right!) Dinah-Moe . . . Dinah-Moe . . . Dinah-Moe . . . (Give me that hat!) Alright! FZ: Alright, alright . . . What? "San Ber'dino"? No, no, not yet . . . I'll tell you what. Boy is this thing hard to hold on your head! Let's do another song . . . here . . . Guy In The Audience: "San Ber'dino"! FZ: No no, we'll do that later . . . Hey thanks man, you do a pretty good imitation of me . . . Nice fingernail polish! Really good! Really good! I like that . . . Let's wait, look at, show the camera, show the camera your fingernails . . . very good, nice . . . Alright! What's this? Thank you! What? OK! Thank you! Wait a minute! Ah . . . take these . . . OK! 7. Punky's Whips

Zappa In New York Läther includes a quote from Isn't It Romantic? (Rodgers/Hart) Patrick?: Yeah . . . FZ: In today's rapidly changing world rock groups appear every fifteen minutes, utilising some new promotional device. Some of these devices have been known to leave irreparable scars on the minds of foolish young consumers. One such case is seated before you: Little skinny Terry 'Ted' Bozzio, that cute little drummer! That's right! Terry recently fell in love with a publicity-photo of a boy named Punky Meadows . . . Terry: Oh Punky! FZ: Lead guitar player from a group called Angel. In the photograph, Punky was seen with a beautiful shiny hairdo in a semiprofile which emphasized the pooched out succulence of his insolent pouting rictus, the sight of which drove the helpless young drummer mad with desire! I can't stand the way he pouts ('Cause he might not be pouting for me!) Patrick: Punky Meadows pouting for you? Hah! Terry: You mean . . . Patrick: You bet, sailor! Terry: You mean he's not . . . Patrick: I think the guy's gay! Terry: He's not pouting . . . he's not pouting for me? His hair's so shiny and it's done real nice ('Til I squirm with ecstasy) Punky, Punky, give me your lips To die on . . . Oh, Punky, isn't it romantic? Punky, Punky, give me your lips To die on . . . I promise not to come in your mouth Punky, Punky, your album's the shits It's all wrong . . . I ain't really queer But if he ever got near Steven Tyler would PAY to see! PAY to see! Punky's lips, Punky's lips His hair's so shiny, I love his hips I love his teeth, 'n his gums 'n such . . . PUNKY What is it, you homo? You're an ANGEL . . . you're too much Oh God . . .

(The voice of my thoughts In my lonely teen-age room) He's been havin' a rash (No shit) That keeps the girls away (It's true) Skin doom (Skin doom!) Is what the doctors say (And that makes me wonder) I wonder what Punky is rehearsin' today I'll just go over 'n hear him play His hair is so pretty . . . I'd like to bite his neck I've heard a rumor he's more fluid than Jeff Beck But . . . I AIN'T QUEER I AIN'T GAY (He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array) A wrist array (That's all it is, I swear) Punky's lips, Punky's lips Oh! I love his hair while eatin' dunk-y chips Yeah! I love his blink and his blank-blank-blank Why, maybe he'd like to yank my crank? YANK IT PUNKY! YANK IT FASTER! YANK IT HARDER! YANK IT ALL NIGHT LONG! COME ON PUNKY! GET FUNKY! I AIN'T QUEER No no no no! I AIN'T GAY No no no no! (He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay) Wrist array-ee-ay And then he told me now: I AIN'T QUEER! (Hey!) I AIN'T GAY! (Hey! Hey!) (He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay) I-I, Lord, I'm fo-o-o-ond of chiffo-on In a wrist array-ee-ay Oh oh oh oh! I-I, I said I'm fo-o-ond of chiffo-on In a wri-i-i-i-ist array Come on Punky! Give me your lips! Right on my penis-tip! FZ: Patrick O'Hearn, Adrian Belew, Tommy Mars, Terry Bozzio, Peter Wolf, Ed Mann! Thanks for comin' to the show!

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Original transcription from the CD booklet Corrections and additions from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Further corrections and additions by Román, Cyndi, David van Gelder, Stu Mark, Charles Ulrich, Matt Olmos and Zachary Lebold

3

London Symphony Orchestra Vols. I & II (Zappa, Vol. I: June 1983; Vol. II: September 1987) 7.

Mo 'N Herb's Vacation, Third Movement 12:50

disc 1 disc 2 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Bob In Dacron, First Movement 5:36 Bob In Dacron, Second Movement 6:34 Sad Jane, First Movement 4:46 Sad Jane, Second Movement 5:04 Mo 'N Herb's Vacation, First Movement 4:47 Mo 'N Herb's Vacation, Second Movement 10:04 January 12-14, 1983 Twickenham Film Studio, London Produced by Frank Zappa Mark Pinske recording engineer Island Mobile remote recording truck UMRK recording facility John Vince cover design (Vol. I) James Stagnita graphic design (Vol. II) Mark Hanauer cover photo (Vol. II) The London Symphony Orchestra conducted by Kent Nagano + David Ocker Solo Clarinet Chad Wackerman Drums Ed Mann Featured Percussionist

1. 2. 3. 4.

Envelopes 4:06 Pedro's Dowry 10:25 Bogus Pomp 24:34 Strictly Genteel 6:56

Ship Arriving Too Late To Save A Drowning Witch

disc 1 1. Bob In Dacron, First Movement

2. Pedro's Dowry 2. Bob In Dacron, Second Movement

Orchestral Favorites Läther

includes Wind Quintet and part of Thirteen

3. Bogus Pomp 3. Sad Jane, First Movement

4. Sad Jane, Second Movement

The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 Burnt Weeny Sandwich 200 Motels Orchestral Favorites includes a quote from Who Needs The Peace Corps?

5. Mo 'N Herb's Vacation, First Movement

6. Mo 'N Herb's Vacation, Second Movement

17:35 BOOOOH!! Shut up! You [mumble-mumble] of the [mumble-mumble]! Oh . . . Jealousy! (Thank you very much!) That's right for the viola solo Finished? 4. Strictly Genteel

7. Mo 'N Herb's Vacation, Third Movement

disc 2 1. Envelopes

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Transcription by Román

200 Motels Orchestral Favorites You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Make A Jazz Noise Here

Boulez Conducts Zappa: The Perfect Stranger (Frank Zappa, August 1984) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

The Perfect Stranger 12:44 Naval Aviation In Art? 2:45 The Girl In The Magnesium Dress 3:13 Dupree's Paradise 7:54 Love Story 0:59 Outside Now Again 4:06 Jonestown 5:27 Producer: Frank Zappa Recording Engineer: Didier Arditi Engineer: Bob Stone Computer programmer: David Ocker Special Software: Steve DiFuria Cover: American Artist: Donald Roller Wilson

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 Make A Jazz Noise Here

1. The Perfect Stranger IRCAM, Paris January 10-11, 1984

IRCAM, Paris January 10-11, 1984

Ensemble InterContemporain conducted by Pierre Boulez Musical Director: Peter Eötvös

Ensemble InterContemporain conducted by Pierre Boulez Musical Director: Peter Eötvös

2. Naval Aviation In Art?

5. Love Story UMRK February-April, 1984

Orchestral Favorites Läther QuAUDIOPHILIAc

The Barking Pumpkin Digital Gratification Consort IRCAM, Paris January 10-11, 1984 Ensemble InterContemporain conducted by Pierre Boulez Musical Director: Peter Eötvös

6. Outside Now Again Guitar Joe's Garage Acts II & III You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 Broadway The Hard Way

3. The Girl In The Magnesium Dress UMRK February-April, 1984

The Yellow Shark

The Barking Pumpkin Digital Gratification Consort

UMRK February-April, 1984 The Barking Pumpkin Digital Gratification Consort 7. Jonestown

4. Dupree's Paradise

UMRK February-April, 1984 The Barking Pumpkin Digital Gratification Consort

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/

Them Or Us (Zappa, 2LP, Barking Pumpkin SVBO-74200, October 18, 1984) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14.

The Closer You Are (Lewis/Robinson) 2:58 In France 3:30 Ya Hozna 6:26 Sharleena 4:33 Sinister Footwear II 8:40 Truck Driver Divorce 9:03 Stevie's Spanking 5:24 Baby, Take Your Teeth Out 1:24 Marque-son's Chicken 7:34 Planet Of My Dreams 1:40 Be In My Video 3:39 Them Or Us 5:08 Frogs With Dirty Little Lips (FZ/Ahmet Zappa) 2:46 Whipping Post (Allman) 7:32 Produced and arranged by Frank Zappa Engineered by Mark Pinske & Bob Stone at the Utility Muffin Research Kitchen Cover painting by Donald Roller Wilson Graphics by Gabrielle Raumberger, New Age Art Photo by Steve Schapiro

1. The Closer You Are 2:58 (Earl Lewis & Morgan "Bobby" Robinson)

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 FZ--lead vocal harmony: Ray White, Ike Willis, Bobby Martin Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass Chad Wackerman--drums The closer you are The brighter the stars in the sky And darling, I realize That you're the one in my life Oh oh My heart skips a beat Every time You and I meet My life, my love, my dear I can't defeat This yearning deep in my heart To have only you When I first saw you, I did adore you, And all your loving ways (Your loving ways) But then you went away, But now you're back to stay, And my love for you grows stronger every Day-ahhh Way-ahhh Way The closer you are, The brighter the flames in my heart, And darling, We'll never part We'll always be in love We'll always be in love We'll always be in love We'll always be in love We'll always be in love We'll always be in love We'll always be in love We'll always be . . . 2. In France 3:30

• Have I Offended Someone? • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Johnny "Guitar" Watson--lead vocal harmony: Ray White, Ike Willis, Napoleon Murphy Brock Ray White--guitar Bobby Martin--harmonica solo Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass Chad Wackerman--drums

We're playin' in a tent (Down down down in) It's payin' the rent (Down down down in) If you pooch a civilian, (Down down down in) It's a major event (Down down down in) Down in France (Did you hear where that's located?) Way down . . . (I say . . . ) In France (Yeah . . . Hey, it's the first time you hear som'thn' like . . . ) Way on down (And then it smells) Way on down (Uh down) In France (Ain't that som'thn'? Listen . . .) I say the girls is all salty (Down down down in) 'N the boys is all sweet (Down down down in) I said the food ain't too shabby, (Down down down in) An' they piss in the street (Down down down in) Down in France (Ain't that cold?) Way down . . . (Hah, say down . . . ) In France (Now, now, you know what? I-I saw 'em walkin', it wou-, it would . . . ) Way on down (And did they say it) Way on down (Uh down in France) Under France (Oh yeah Now you won't believe it) They got the diseases (Disea-seases) Like you ain't never seen (Disea-seases) I said they got a mystery blow-job (Disea-seases) Turn your peter green (Disea-seases) Down in France (Ain't that somethin'?) Way down (Say down) In France (Say, look, I saw the color I-i-it looks just like it was . . .) Way on down (And then it turned . . .) Way on down (That was . . . ) Under France (Oh yes, it would Listen Look!)

(Mm-hmm . . . yeah . . .) (Down down down in Down down down in Down down down in Down down down in)

They got some coffee, (Co-co-coffee) Eatin' right through the cup, (Co-co-coffee) An' when you go ka-ka (Co-co-coffee) They make you stand up

(Co-co-coffee) Down in France (That's where it's located) Way down . . . (Uh down . . . ) In France (No-now, listen I ka-ka one time and then I heard it) Way on down (And then I went . . . ) Way on down (That was down in . . . ) Under France (Now listen . . . ) If you're not careful, (Care-care-careful) It'll stick to your cheeks (Care-care-careful) You'll smell like a native (Care-care-careful) For a couple of weeks (Care-care-careful) Down in France (Ooh . . . somethin' smellin', I guess) Way down . . . Down in France (That's where it were Listen, I-I smelled it, it went . . . ) Way on down (And then it smelled like . . . ) Way on down (That was down in . . . ) Under France (Ooh, smell it in front of him) (Oh, smell your harmonica Go on smell it son Uh-huh . . . Hold your nose! Uh-huh, they're comin' too after you) Now we cannot wait (Wait wait waiting) Till we go back (Wait wait waiting) Gets so exciting (Wait wait waiting) When the poodles 'react' In France (Uh-huh, rough) Way down in France (I'm talkin' 'bout Bow-Wow Uh-huh . . . say, they-they're rough) Way on down (And then they're kinda . . . ) Way on down Never try to get yo' peter sucked In France (Merci . . . oui . . . OW!) 3. Ya Hozna 6:26 includes reversed fragments of Sofa and Lonely Little Girl FZ--vocal, rhythm guitar Moon Zappa--vocal George Duke--vocal Napoleon Murphy Brock--vocal Steve Vai--guitar solo Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass Chad Wackerman--drums

[Backwards:] I am the heaven I am the water Ich bin deine Ritze Ich bin deine Ritze und Schlitze I am the clouds Ich bin der Chrome Dinette Ich bin Eier aller Arten Ich bin alle Tage und Nächte Ich bin alle Tage und Nächte (AIEE-AH!) I am embroidered Ich bin der Dreck unter deinen Walzen (Oh no, whip it on me, honey!) (AIEE-AH!) (AIEE-AH!) Ich bin hier (AIEE-AH!) Ich bin der Autor aller Felgen Und Damast Paspeln Ich bin der Chrome Dinette You're a lonely little girl But your Mommy & your Daddy don't care Ich bin hier (AIEE-AH!) Und du bist mein Sofa You're a lonely little girl Ich bin hier Und du bist mein Sofa Yeah-ha-ha-ay Yah-ha Yeah, my Sofa Yeah-ha-hey Moon: I'm like reach I'm like squat I'm like roll Repeat Like roll over Like thrust Okay, like pull Like push I'm like . . . Okay, like . . . blow I'm blow Ich bin dein geheimer Schmutz Und verlorenes Metallgeld (Metallgeld) (AIEE-AH!) Und du bist mein Sofa Ich bin hier (AIEE-AH!) Moon: You're never too old Like blow I'm like blow I'm like blow Okay, like . . . Ich bin hier Und du bist mein Sofa Yeah-ha-ha-ay Yah-ha Yeah, my Sofa Yeah-ha-hey

Moon: Hey, alright, faster, faster Go, do it, do it, right, YEAAH I'm feelin' good 'N I'm lookin' great Yeah, fer sure Like NO WAY Ich bin hier Und du bist mein Sofa Yeah-ha-ha-ay Yah-ha Yeah, my Sofa Yeah-ha-hey Ich bin hier Und du bist mein Sofa Yeah-ha-ha-ay Yah-ha Yeah, my Sofa Yeah-ha-hey 4. Sharleena 4:33

• The Lost Episodes • Chunga's Revenge • Playground Psychotics • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Basic track recorded live c. September, 1981-July, 1982 vocals: FZ, Bobby Martin, Ray White Dweezil Zappa--guitar solo Steve Vai--rhythm & fills Tommy Mars--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums I'm cryin' I'm cryin' Cryin' for Sharleena, Can't you see I called up all my baby's friends 'N ask'n um Where she done went. But nobody 'round here seems to know Where my Sharleena's been Where my Sharleena's been Ten long years I've been lovin' her Ten long years And I thought deep down in my heart She was mine Ten long years I've been lovin' her Ten long years I would call her my baby, and now, I'm always cryin' UH . . . COOH . . . I would be so delighted (I would be) I would be so delighted (Yes, I would be) If they would just Send her on home to me

I would be so delighted (I . . . ) I would be so delighted (Yeah-he-ey) If they would just Send her on home to me Send my baby home to me Send my baby home to me Send my baby home to me Send my baby home to Me-ee-ee-ee 5. Sinister Footwear II 8:40

• Sheik Yerbouti • You Are What You Is • Guitar • Make A Jazz Noise Here 1st half: Painter's Mill Music Fair, Owings Mills, Maryland November 15, 1981 Guitar solo: Sporthalle, Boeblingen, Germany June 23, 1982 FZ--guitar solo Steve Vai--written guitar lines Ray White--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums

6. Truck Driver Divorce 9:03

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 Basic track recorded live c. September, 1981-July, 1982 Guitar solo from Zoot Allures: The Ritz, NYC November 17, 1981 FZ--vocal and guitar solo Steve Vai--rhythm guitar Ray White--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Truck driver divorce! It's very sad (Steel guitars Usually weep all over it) The bold & intelligent MASTERS OF THE ROAD, With their Secret Language, And their GIANT OVER-SIZED MECHANICAL

TRANS-CONTINENTAL HOBBY-HORSE! Truck driver divorce! It's very sad! Oh the wife! Oh the kids! Oh the waitress! Oh the drive all night! Sometimes when you come home Some ugly lookin' son-of-a-bitch Is trying' to pooch yer HOME-TOWN SWEETHEART! Oh, go ride the bull! Yes, go ride the bull! Make it go up 'n down 'N when you fall off, You can eat the mattress! TRUCK DRIVER DIVORCE! IT'S VERY SAD! Bust yer ass To deliver some string beans, Deliver some string beans, Deliver a whole bunch of string beans, To UTAH! 7. Stevie's Spanking 5:24

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 • Make A Jazz Noise Here

Made him drool upon his dork And gave it a wanking After the spanking Hair brush! (Ah . . . a hair brush!) Oh! What a hair brush! (Hey, Frank, it's a hair brush!) (It's not that he requires grooming! (Honey . . . Wah! Splash!) Guys with light blue hair never did!) Then did she exclaim: "There's another game That we can play with this device, And then a banana!" It was slightly green Vapors in between Rising up to fill the room And cook the banana She said it was dry "Stevie won't you try To drool a little drool on it And grease the banana" Later in the dawn, Laurel carried on She got right up and dressed herself and Ate the banana 8. Baby, Take Your Teeth Out 1:54 Basic track: Alte Oper, Frankfurt, Germany June 11-12, 1982 (soundcheck)

Basic track recorded live: The Ritz, NYC November 17, 1981 and unknown place, c. September, 1981-July, 1982 Bobby Martin--lead vocal chorus: Ray White, Ike Willis, Roy Estrada FZ--rhythm guitar Ray White--rhythm guitar Steve Vai--first guitar solo Dweezil Zappa--second guitar solo Tommy Mars--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums His name is Stevie Vai, And he's a crazy guy Last November, I recall, He needed a spanking He decided then A female specimen Would be exciting for a night To give him a spanking Laurel was her name She came to Notre Dame He told me just the other night He oughta be thanking Her for the spanking She was large and soft And she beat him off

Ike Willis--lead vocal harmony: Bob Harris, Thana Harris, Ray White Steve Vai--guitar Tommy Mars--keyboard solo Bobby Martin--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums MOO-AHHH! Baby take your teeth out Try it one time Baby take your teeth out Try it one time Baby take your teeth out Leave 'em on the kitchen table Well . . . MOO-AHHH! Baby take your teeth out It'll be fine Baby take your teeth out It'll be fine Baby take your teeth out There ain't nothin' left to smile about C'mon, baby That's what I like Yeah . . . Well, c'mon Mm . . . yeah . . . Moo-ahhh The way you handle that . . .

No, oh, [marvel] Don't mind your [...] On your hand Moo-ahhh Baby take your teeth out You look divine MOO-AHHH Baby take your teeth out You look divine Baby take your teeth out Go ahead and eat the label Boiling water kills germs Mmm-hmm . . . Yeah I told you! Baby take your teeth out I will recline The little girl must be praketin' richcraft! Baby take your teeth out I will recline Baby take your teeth out There ain't nothin' left to talk about 9. Marque-Son's Chicken 7:34 Unknown location in Europe c. June-July, 1982 Guitar solo: Hammersmith Odeon, London June 19, 1982, 2nd show FZ--guitar solo Steve Vai--written guitar lines Ray White--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums

The planet of my dreams The EARTH, my EARTH I hear it's muffled screams The EARTH, my EARTH And though it often seems From televison beams That ignorance is rampant there And Governmental Goons don't care I know that I shall not despair And CHEAT like ALL THE REST I'll just keep on With what I do the best! Cheat-cheedly-cheat! Go Ahead! I CAN'T DO IT! Cheat-cheedly-cheat! Go Ahead! I CAN'T DO IT! Cheat-cheedly-cheat! Go Ahead! I CAN'T DO IT! Cheat-cheedly-cheat! Go Ahead! I CAN'T DO IT! Cheat-cheedly-cheat! Go Ahead! No . . . I CAN'T DO IT! Cheat-cheedly-cheat! Go Ahead! I CAN'T DO IT! Cheat-cheedly-cheat! Go Ahead! I CAN'T DO IT! 11. Be In My Video 3:39

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 FZ insinuations harmony: Ike Willis, Ray White, Napoleon Murphy Brock Bobby Martin--saxophone & falsetto Brad Cole--piano Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Be in my video, Darling, every night I will rent a cage for you And mi j-i-nits dressed in white (teeny-little-tiny-little . . . )

10. Planet Of My Dreams 1:40 Basic track: Caribou Studios, Nederland, Colorado December, 1974 Bass overdubs: Record Plant, LA c. 1976 Drums & Vocals overdubs: UMRK c. 1981-84 Bob Harris--lead vocal harmony: Ray White, Ike Willis, Thana Harris George Duke--piano Patrick O'Hearn--bass Chad Wackerman--drums The planet of my dreams The EARTH, my EARTH Is bulging at the seams The EARTH, my EARTH It's full of many schemes And as the sunlight beams The glory of our sciences And militant alliances Reveal their BASIC WORTH Along the mounds of dead appliances!

Twirl around in a lap dissolve Pretend to sing the words I'll rent a gleaming limousine; Release a flock of Ber-herna-herna-herna Herna-her-nerds Wear a leather collar (Wear a leather collar) And a dagger in your ear (A dagger in your ear) (Stabbinitin-stabbinitin-stabbinitin-stabbinitin-YOU!) I will make your nose smell the glove And try to look sincere, then we'll Dance the blues (Oh yes) Let's dance the blues (We'll dance the blues) Let's dance the blues (We'll dance them very much) Under the megawatt moonlight Pretend to be Chinese, (One-hung-low) I'll make you wear red shoes

There's a cheesy atom bomb explosion All the big groups use Atomic light will shine (Will shine) Through an old venetian blind (Venetian blind) Making patterns on your face, (On your face) Then it cuts to outer space

12. Them Or Us 5:08 Guitar solo from Black Page Stadio Communale, Bolzano, Italy July 3, 1982 FZ--guitar solo Scott Thunes--bass & Minimoog Chad Wackerman--drums

With its billions & billions & Billions & billions Be in my video (In my video) Darling, every night (Darling, every night) Everyone in cable-land (Everyone in cable-gable-land) Will say you're 'outa-site' (I say they'll say you're 'outa-site') You can show your legs (You can show the pretty legs) While you're getting in the car, then (In my red hot-rod car, then I . . . ) I will look repulsive ([With my big ears and all]) While I mangle my guitar Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee, Moo-ahhhh Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee, Moo-ahhhh Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee, Moo-ahhhh Tee-nu-nee----moo-ahhhh Tee-nu-nee----moo-wah-wah-wah-ooo After all the close-up shots Of you in bondage leather They'll spray an alley with a hose And we'll escape together, while we Dance de blude agin (I'm dancing the blues) (Oh yes, we'll dance the blues) Led dance de blude agin (I'm dancing the blues) (Sure we will) Led dance de blude agin (I'm dancing . . . ) (We'll dance them blues) In de middle o' de alley Let's dance your face (Let's dance your face) Let's dance your lips (And dance your lips) Let's dance your nose (We can dance your nose) And then we'll dance your sinus MOO-AHHHH!

13. Frogs With Dirty Little Lips 2:46 (FZ & Ahmet Zappa) includes a quote from Sinister Footwear II FZ--lead vocal harmony: Ray White, Bobby Martin, Roy Estrada, Bob Harris Steve Vai--guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Frogs with dirty little lips Dirty little warts on their finger-tips Dirty 'n green Tiny 'n mean Floppin' around By the edge of the stream La-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la la-la Frogs with dirty little eyes Dirty little tongues all covered with flies Dirty brown Floppin' around Puffed up 'n bloated When the sun goes down La-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la la-la Frogs with dirty little nose Dirty little spots all over their clothes Dirty legs Dirty feet Dirty little frogs is what you eat La-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la

La-la la-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la La-la la-la la-la 14. Whipping Post 7:32 (Gregg Allman)

• Does Humor Belong In Music? Santa Monica Civic Auditorium December 11, 1981 and/or Fox Theater, San Diego, California December 12, 1981 Bobby Martin--lead vocal & keyboards FZ--guitar solo Steve Vai--rhythm guitar Ray White--rhythm guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums I been run down Lord, 'n I been lied to And I don't know why I let that mean woman make me out a fool She took all my money 'N wrecked my new car Now she's with one of my good-time buddies, Drinkin' in some cross-town bar Sometimes I feel Sometimes I feel Like I been Tied to the whippin' post

Tied to the whippin' post Tied to the whippin' post Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin' My friends tell me That I been such a fool I have to stand back an' take it, babe All for loving you I drown myself in sorrow As I look at what you've done But nothin' seems to change; That bad times stay the same, And I can't run Sometimes I feel Sometimes I feel Like I been Tied to the whippin' post Tied to the whippin' post Tied to the whippin' post Oh, good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin' Lord Lord, no no Yeah Lord Been tied down Sometimes I feel Sometimes I feel Like I been Tied to the whippin' post Tied to the whippin' post Tied to the whippin' post Lawd-no-oooh! Oh Lord Lord Lord You know sometimes I try to believe That just there ain't no such thing As dyin'

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the album booklet Backward lyrics on "Ya Hozna" originally transcribed by Todd Poynor Further corrections and additions by Román, Maciej Jachimek, Sam, Charles Ulrich, Stu Mark and Matt Olmos

Thing-Fish (Zappa, November 1984) 12. He's So Gay 2:45 13. The Massive Improve'lence 5:08 14. Artificial Rhonda 3:29

disc 1 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11.

Prologue 2:56 The Mammy Nuns 3:31 Harry & Rhonda 3:36 Galoot Up-Date 5:27 The 'Torchum' Never Stops 10:33 That Evil Prince 1:17 You Are What You Is 4:31 Mudd Club 3:17 The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing 3:14 Clowns On Velvet 1:51 Harry-As-A-Boy 2:34

disc 2 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

The Crab-Grass Baby 3:47 The White Boy Troubles 3:34 No Not Now 5:49 Briefcase Boogie 4:10 Brown Moses 3:00 Wistful Wit A Fist-Full 4:00 Drop Dead 7:56 Won Ton On 4:18

Recorded c. 1982-84 UMRK Book & lyrics, music, arrangements, direction of characterizations and album production by Frank Zappa recording engineers: Mark Pinske & Bob Stone "Thing-Fish" & "Sister Ob'dwella 'X'" prosthetics by Jene Omens costumes by Robert Fletcher cover photo by Ladi Von Jansky the musicians: Frank Zappa guitar, synclavier Steve Vai guitar Ray White guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Chuck Wild broadway piano Arthur Barrow bass Scott Thunes bass Jay Anderson string bass Ed Mann percussion Chad Wackerman drums Steve De Furia synclavier programmer David Ocker synclavier programmer + Bob Harris keyboards, trumpet & high vocals (uncredited on "Galoot Up-Date," "No Not Now" and "Won Ton On") Motorhead Sherwood tenor sax (uncredited on "Mudd Club") Bobby Martin keyboards, sax (uncredited on "Clowns On Velvet") Denny Walley slide guitar (uncredited on "The Meek

disc 1

Shall Inherit Nothing") Roy Estrada bg. vocal (uncredited on "Artificial Rhonda," "No Not Now" and "Won Ton On") Donnie Vliet harmonica (uncredited on "Artificial Rhonda") Ruth Underwood synth (uncredited on "Artificial Rhonda") (Ed. note: the uncredited musicians and the ones listed on each song except for Mr. Barrow who confirmed his participation, are only guesses) THING FISH Ike Willis HARRY Terry Bozzio RHONDA Dale Bozzio EVIL PRINCE Napoleon Murphy Brock MAMMIFIED EVIL PRINCE Terry Bozzio, Ike Willis HARRY-AS-A-BOY Bob Harris BROWN MOSES Johnny "Guitar" Watson OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COWHOON Ray White

strange, UNKNOWN KREETCHUH, never befo' seen on BROADWAY!

1. Prologue FZ rhythm guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Arthur Barrow bass Chad Wackerman drums Thing-Fish: Once upon a time, musta been 'round October, few years back, in one o' dose TOP SECRET LABMO-TORIES de gubbnint keep stashed away underneath Virginia, an EVIL PRINCE, occasion'ly employed as a part-time THEATRICAL CRITICIZER set to woikin' on a plot fo de systematic GENOCIDICAL REMOVE'LANCE of all unwanted highly-rhythmic individj'lls an' sissy-boys! De cocksucker done whiffed up a secret POTIUM . . . an' right 'long wid it, de ATROCIOUS IDEA dat what he been boilin' up down deahhhh jes' mights be de FINAL SOLUTIUM to DE WHITE MAIN'S 'BOIDENNN', ef yo' acquire my drift . . . Well, he were sure he had a GOOD THING GOIN' . . . but, dere was always de possobility dat somethin' might fuck up, so, he planned to have a little test, jes' to check it all out befo' he dump't it in de wattuh supply. Sho'tly denafter, wit HIGH-LEVEL GUBNINT COROBBERATIUM, he arranged to have a good-will visit to SAN QUENTIM, 'long wit some countrywestin mu-zishnin's, 'n sprinkle a little bit of it on some of de boys in deahhh (since dey done used a few of 'em befo' when dey was messin' wit de ZYPH'LISS). So, heah dey come wit de POTIUM, dump'nit all in de mash potatoes! Den dey wen' up to de warden's office fo' some HOT TODDY, watchin' a little football while dey's waitin' to see what gone happen! Fact o' de matter were: NOTHIN' HAPPENED, so dey went off'n dribbled it in a special shipnint of GALOOT COLOG-NUH dat went out 'bouts NOVEMBER!

(How'd YOU like to use my nakkin'?) Ensemble:

Thass right! It'd turn ya' into a 'MAMMY NUN'! Head like a potato . . . lips like a duck . . . big ol' hands, puffin' up! BIG ONES! Science! ME-jev'l re-LIJ-mus costumery all over yo' BODY! Yow! Oh yeah! Mmmm-hmmm! 2. The Mammy Nuns You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 FZ guitar Steve Vai guitar Arthur Barrow bass Chad Wackerman drums

We's doin' de buck 'n wing! We's a lot o' fun! We's offa de wall! Thing-Fish: (pointing to his skirt) (Fo' those of you unfamiliar wit de' nakkin, Dis be de nakkin'!) Ensemble: ON BROADWAY, IT'S A NEW DAY . . .

Ensemble: (singing)

Thing-Fish:

We got de talkin' shoes! We de MAMMY NUNS!

On Broadway, It's a New Day! Dat's right! Dat's what I say!

Thing-Fish:

Ensemble:

(Dominose Vobiskmmmmm!)

WHEN WE SAY . . .

Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

We is important news! We de MAMMY NUNS!

Oh yeah! You 'bout through wif my nakkin'?

Thing-Fish:

Ensemble:

(Et cum spear a TU-TU, Ohhhhh!)

"We is de ones dey be callin' de 'MAMMY NUNS'!"

Ensemble: Thing-Fish: We destroy de blues! We de MAMMY NUNS!

We ugly as SIN!

Thing-Fish:

Ensemble:

Sho' am, y'all! (MAMMIES, step faw'd 'n express yo'sevs!)

We de MAMMY NUNS! WE BE LOOKIN' GOOD WIT DE NAKKIN' ON!

Ensemble: Thing-Fish: We sho can dance 'n sing! We's a lot o' fun!

We gots a nasty grin-n-n-n-n!

Next thing y'know, fagnits be droppin' off like flies . . . 'long wit a large number of severely-tanned individj'lls, pre-zumnably of HAY'CHEN EXTRAKMENT!

Thing-Fish:

Ensemble:

(D'ja get any on ya down dere?)

But NOT DE BOYS IN DE REST HOME! Oh no! Mixin' de shit wit de mash potatoes done SMOOTHED IT OUT a little, so's it wouldn't KILL yo' ass, BUT, it sho' would make y'ugly! 'N ef y'was already UGLY, it'd make yo ass MEAN 'n UGLY . . . 'n ef you was already MEAN 'n UGLY, it'd turn ya into a

Ensemble:

We de MAMMY NUNS! WE BE LOOKIN' GOOD WIT DE NAKKIN' ON!

We's doin' everything! We's a lot o' fun!

Thing-Fish: (pointing to HARRY)

Thing-Fish:

We sho' ain't ugly as him . . .

Ensemble: We de MAMMY NUNS! LAWD LAWD LAWD, LAWD LAWD LAWD, LAWD LAWD LAWD, WE DE MAMMY NUNS! Thing-Fish:

They told me it had c-c-colored folk in it, RHONDA, and that's ALWAYS a sure sign of GOOD, SOLID, MUSICAL ENTERTAINMENT! How was I supposed to know they'd be this ugly?

Uhhh . . . beg pardon? What's going on here?

Rhonda:

Oh! They're touching me! HARRY! HARRY! HARRY! HARRY, do something! THEY'RE PUTTING CHAINS ON ME! I'LL BE STUCK TO THE CHAIR! Oh! What'll I do? I'LL MISS INTERMISSION!

They pissed on us, HARRY! They fuckin' pissed on us! Look at my fox!

Step right up, folks, 'n meet de 'MAMMY NUNS'! You two ugly white folks hafta excuse de SISTERS, as what dey put in de mash potatoes have rendered dem INCONTINENT! Anyhow, ovuh heahhhh, de scintillating SISTER OWLGONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON, and de delectable SISTER GHENGHISADONIS-OSMOSIS . . . 'long wif SISTER POTATO-HEAD BOBBY BROWN, and de ever-popular SISTER ANNE de DEVINE . . . an' howsabouta heart-warmin' welcome fo' SISTER JASMINE NOXEMA-TAPIOCA an' her unscrutable companium, SISTER OB'DEWLLA 'X' . . . an' I's yo host: de THING-FISH! Ensemble: ON BROADWAY, IT'S A NEW DAY, WHEN WE SAY: "We is de ones dey be callin' de 'MAMMY NUNS'!" Thing-Fish: We is dressed to kill! Ensemble:

Harry: Harry: I know, dear . . . but they pissed on me too . . . he did say they were INCONTINENT!

Rhonda: Just smell this! I think we should get out of here before they do something else to us!

Ensemble: We be dancin' good! (Whom a ninny? Him? Him a ninny! Hah! Whom a ninny? You'm a ninny! Haw!) Wit de dancin' skill, Wit de nakkin' on, LAWD! 3. Harry & Rhonda FZ synclavier Rhonda: (stage whisper)

Harry: Leave? Now? At these ticket prices? Just hold your horses . . . it probably wasn't REAL PISS . . . only 'theater piss' . . . they probably have a formula . . . some special stuff . . . comes right outta the fur with Woolite. Rhonda: What's happened to Broadway, HARRY? Used to be you could come to one of these things and the wind would be RUSHING DOWN THE PLAIN or a fairy on a string would go over the audience . . . but NOW! Harry, I ask you: is THIS entertainment?

You're absolutely correct, dear! So far we haven't seen a single good-looking pair of legs . . . a single sequin-encrusted whatchamacallit . . . no firm, rounded breasts! This show is a DISASTER, RHONDA! A complete and utter DISASTER! Thing-Fish: Mmmm! Say dere . . . hey! Umm-hmm! Thass right! HEY YOU! You two ugly white folks . . . over heahhh! As you know, de presence of carboniferous hard-core unemployables has gen'rally, in de historical past, GUARANTEED an evenin' of upliftin' FROLIC and CAVORTMENT . . . it'd be a shame fo y'all t'miss out on dis here one! Got some nice chairs fo' ya, rights ovuh heahhh.

HARRY, this is not DREAM GIRLS! Harry: (stage whisper)

THESE ARE REAL GODDAM CHAINS, HARRY, AND THEY'RE NOT GONNA COME OFF WITH WOOLITE!

Harry:

Harry:

We gives you quite a thrill!

They're only 'theater chains', RHONDA! Just some sort of . . .

Rhonda:

We be lookin' good! Thing-Fish:

Rhonda:

Harry:

I don't mind the way they feel . . . they don't bother me, honey . . . relax! Go with the flow . . . Rhonda: HARRY, YOU ARE AN OVEREDUCATED SHIT-HEAD! Thing-Fish: Look here, folks . . . dis only fo yo own protexium! Once we gets rollin' heah, things be happnin' all over de place dat could prove dangerous to persons not previously acquainted wit de SAN QUENTIM MASH- POTATOES! Rhonda: I want the wind to come rushing down the plain! I want fairies on a string over the audience! I want REAL BROADWAY ENTERTAINMENT! Feathers! Spotlights! Guilt! Hours upon hours of GUILT! About my mother! About my father! About brave women, suffering at the hands of infantile, insensitive, dominating men! And what do I get? A Potato-headed jig-a-boo with Catholic clothes on! Incomprehensible duck lips! Weak bladders draining through abnorminably large organs! Jesus, HARRY! What the FUCK is going on here? Harry: Simmer down! If you'll just roll with the punches . . . and don't rock the boat, I'm sure we'll have a lovely evening at the theater!

Thing-Fish:

De 'MAMMY NUNS'

Thass right! We got fairies on a string fo yo ass jes' a little later! Meanwhile, I b'lieves y'all requires some updatement on de CO-LOG-NUH situatium! Sister OB'DEWLLA 'X'! Express yo'seff!

Thing-Fish: Dat's right! Ensemble:

4. Galoot Up-Date De 'MAMMY NUNS' Tinsel Town Rebellion Frank Zappa Meets The Mothers Of Prevention Basic track: Berkeley Community Theater December 5, 1980 and Santa Monica Civic Auditorium December 11, 1980 FZ lead guitar & vocals Ike Willis rhythm guitar & vocals Ray White rhythm guitar & vocals Steve Vai rhythm guitar & vocals Tommy Mars keyboards & vocals Bob Harris keyboards, trumpet & high vocals Arthur Barrow bass & vocals + Chad Wackerman drums Ensemble: (singing)

Thing-Fish: Well, dey's too damn excited 'bout de sissies dey was knockin' off, 'n workin' up an uncreedable variety of theoretical scenarios, to explain away how come de fagnits all be croakin' at de same time in-Ensemble: NOVEMBER! Thing-Fish: De month o' NOVEMBUH, reekin' of tainted CO-LOG-NUM! Dey booked in de heavy pseudo re-LIJ-mus talent to pronunciate de doc-TRINE of BIBLICAL RETRIBUTIUM!

Thing-Fish: GALOOT, GALOOT, GALOOT, GALOOT, GALOOT, GALOOT, De KILLER CO-LOG-NUH! Ensemble:

Onliest good thang 'bout bein' a 'MAMMY NUN' is we be mo-less UNdestructable! Whatever dey done whiffed up befo' don't do SHIT to us now! Fact, we jes mights be de onliest thangs left walkin' in de U.S.A., now de MYS'TRY RE-ZEASE gone outa control! Ensemble: Just like you! Thing-Fish: Just like you! I see some of y'all be FROWNIN' . . . 'cause mebbe y'think what I's tellin' ya' is a LIE! How 'bout it, folks? Whatcha say? Id dat right? Ensemble: Yes, it sho' is! Thing-Fish:

Ensemble: Moving the project forward!

Well, les' jes' have a test . . . how many o' you nice folks think I knows what I's talkin' 'bout? RAISE Y'HAIN UP! Uhhuh!

Thing-Fish: Figgin' dat to be . . .

GALOOT CO-LOG-NUH!

Once we's out DE JOINT, we faced a hard time in de depressium . . . couldn't get no 'sembly line woik, 'n since de nakkins we's wearin' atch'ly be GROWIN' outs our bodies, we was labelled as 'over-qualified' fo' janitorical deployment!

An' how many thinks my potato been bakin' too long? RAISE YO MIZZABLE HAIN UP! Uh-huh!

Ensemble: Da-da-dee-dahh! Thing-Fish: A sho-fi' explumation, suitable fo' Domestical . . .

Now . . . how many you folks is CONVINCED de gubnint be totally 'UNCONCERNED' wit de proliferatium o' UNDESIRABLE TENANTS in de CONDOMINIUM o' LIFE? An' how many folks believe THEY number won't come up, next time de breeze blow fum de Easterly directium?

Ensemble:

Les' face it, peoples! Ugly as I mights be, I AM YO' FUTCHUM!

GALOOT CO-LOG-NUH!

Assuagement!

'Les y'all prefer 'permanent storage' or a condo in ATLANTIS.

Thing-Fish:

Thing-Fish:

GALOOT, GALOOT, GALOOT, GALOOT, GALOOT, GALOOT, De KILLER CO-LOG-NUH, Thass right! De KILLER CO-LOG-NUH, Thass right!

Natchilly, a substantial number o' severely ignint white folks went fo' it, hook, line, 'n shrinker!

Ensemble:

Well, de gubnint dint fine out rights away 'bout . . . Ensemble:

By dat time, de 'MAMMY NUNS' had already sprouted dem 'tato heads, 'n was in de process of growin' out dey nakkins . . . Also, by a peculiar corinsidence, we's all up fo' PAROLE at de SAME TIME! Thass right! You figgit out!

They could really get down there! Thing-Fish: Dey could really GET DOWN dere, but, I's de only protexium you got! Now, durin' de intromissium, de SISTERS be sellin' some MASH POTATOES in de lobby, right over by de--

Ensemble:

Don't let your meat loaf! Huh-huh-huh!

PYRAMID!

Thing-Fish:

know if it gwine woik yet, but we kin always hope fo' de best! (singing)

Thing-Fish:

Huh? Kiss my McNUGGET!

In de vicinity o' de . . .

Ensemble:

Ensemble:

Your micro-nanette!

SQUID DECOR!

Thing-Fish:

Thing-Fish:

Y'all kin kiss my micro-nanette too!

'Neath de planet o' de big ol' giant . . .

Ensemble:

Ensemble:

BLUE . . .

Underwater door!

Thing-Fish:

Thing-Fish: A generous good-will offerin' are REQUIRED . . . jes' let yo' conscience be yo' guide . . .

Don't forget de GALOOT!

An' it stink so bad, de stones been chokin' 'N weepin' greenish drops In de room where de giant fowah-puffer woikin', 'N de torchum never stops De torchum never stops De torchum, De torchum, De torchum never stops (Go on, 'DEWLLA! Play dat lil' guitar one mo' 'gin!)

Ensemble:

(spoken)

Ensemble:

CO-LOG-NUHHHHHH!

BLUE LIGHT! Thing-Fish: Jes' follow de BLUE LIGHT, down de aisle to de potatoes durin' de intromissium ...

GALOOT COLOGNUM!

Uh-oh! I smells trubba! He be messin' wit pigmeat heahhh! Muthafucker be rejectin' some CO-LOG- NUH directly into de DUO-DEENUM of de unsuspecting victim! Now he gone see if he immune to it by eatin' a dab hisseff!

5. The 'Torchum' Never Stops

(singing)

Thing-Fish:

Light, light, light, light . . . BLUE Light, light, light, light . . . BLUE BLUE LIGHT BLUE LIGHT

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 FZ:OZ Zoot Allures Zappa In New York You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life

Thing-Fish:

includes The Evil Prince

. . . An' while y'all be thinkin' about de blue light, an' y'all be decidin' whether or not yo' immunity gwine hold up 'til de end o' de show, I's 'bout to address myseff to de re-educatement o' dem silly muthafuckers over deahhh.

Basic track: Record Plant, LA Probably c. May-June, 1976

Ensemble:

FZ guitar, bass, keyboards, vocal, director of recreational activities + Chad Wackerman drums

Ensemble: You can't even speak your own fucking language!

Thing-Fish:

Thing-Fish: What on urf do you mean: 'MY LANGUAGE'? I got yo language hangin', boy, 'long wif a two-week supply of IGNINT McNUGGET, de breakfast o' champiums! Ensemble:

Flies all green 'n buzznin' In his dunjing of despair Prisoners grummle an' piss dey' clothes 'N scratch dey' matted hair A tiny light fum a window-hole A hunnit yards away Is all dey ever gets t'know 'Bouts de reg'luh life in de day

Now, dis nasty sucker is de respondable party fo de en-whiffment o' de origumal potium. Through de magik o' stage-kraff, we be able to see him at woik!

Flies all green an' buzznin' In his dunjing of despair An EVIL PRINCE eats a steamin' pig In a chamber, right near dere He eat de snouts an' de trotters foist! De loins an' de groins id soon re-spersed His carvin' style id well re-hoist He stan' 'n shout: All main be coist! All main be coist! All main be coist! All main be coist! An' dis-ergree? Well, no one durst . . . He de best, of cose, of all de woist Some wrong been done, he done it foist . . . An' he stink so bad, his bones been chokin' And weepin' greenish drops, In de vat of GALOOT CO-LOG-NUH, Where de Re-zease be berlin' up Berlin' an' uh boilin' up CO-LOG-NUH! CO-LOG-NUH! GALOOT CO-LOG-UH-NUH! (spoken)

He now be preparin' some ugly shit to make yo' life even mo' mizzable den it awready are, since dis batch be resigned to render him IMMORTAL! We does not

Oh! Do yoseff a favum 'n DON'T USE IT! Oooooooh! Look at THESE ugly suckers! Boy, when white folks come back fum

bein' dead, they sho' gets scary-lookin'! But don't take their appearance too seriously, people, 'cause dey say dis de sort o' folks dat belongs on BROADWAY!

When this show's eviction Takes place shortly after My alternate skill Of THEATRICAL SABOTAGE Triumphs YOUR will!

Evil Prince: (singing)

I've a special review I've been saving for years For a show just like this, With POTATOES and QUEERS

Thing-Fish Civilization Phaze III Everything Is Healing Nicely FZ synclavier

Somewhere, over there, I can tell, There's a voice of A potato-headed whatchamacallit Who does not wish me well! His clothes are quite stupid, And also his shoes! He's got a big ol' duck-mouth! (Who knows how he chews!) He thinks he knows something About THE GREAT PLAN! How ULTIMATE BLANDNESS Must RULE and COMMAND He knows not a drop, Not a crumb, Not a whit, Of the reason for doing This criminal shit And then, if he did, Would it matter a bit? Not at all! Because IT IS WRIT: Our BEIGE-BLANDISH GOD Tends to CERTIFY IT: "Only the boring and bland shall survive! Only the lamest of lameness will thrive!" Take it or leave it, you won't be alive, If you are overtly CREATIVE! Fairies and faggots and queers are 'CREATIVE' All the best music on Broadway is 'NATIVE' Who will step forward And end all this trouble? For beige-blandish citizens, Clutching the rubble Of vanishing dreams Of wimpish amusement, Replaced by a rash Of 'CREATIVE' confusement! Soon, my brave Zombies, You'll make your return! Broadway will glow! Broadway will burn! (Along with the remnants of EVERYTHING NEW) My HOLY DISEASE will do Wonders for you! Those lovely producers Who paid for you 'then' Will do it again, and again, and again! The spying potato With horrible diction Will rot in the garbage

I'll say it's disgusting, atrocious, and dull I'll say it makes boils inside of your skull I'll say it's the worst-of-the-worst of the year, No wind down the plain, and it's hard on your ear I'll say it's the work of an infantile mind I'll say that it's tasteless, and that you will find A better excuse to spend money or time At a Tupper-Ware Party, So, do be a smarty! Hold on to that dollar A little while longer For spending it here, Why, it couldn't be wronger!

Harry: RHONDA, that EVIL PRINCE . . . he certainly does have a way about him! Rhonda: At least HE didn't piss on my fox . . . and HE has REAL BROADWAY STARS for personal acquaintances! Harry: They're all dead, dear . . . Zombies, I believe . . . the 'walking dead' . . . Jack Palance did a show on them once. Rhonda:

WHAT'S HAPPENED TO BROADWAY? WHERE'S IT GONE, ALL THE GLITTER? THE 'HEART' AND THE 'SOUL' THE PATTER? THE PITTER?

Oh my God! Look at what he's doing with that stuff from inside the pig! Yuck! That's disgusting! Are you sure this guy is a PRINCE?

And after this deadly review hits the paper, In will come ROPER, BENDER & RAPER, To legally execute all that remains Of this tragic amusement for drug-addled brains

He's an EVIL PRINCE, dear . . . and parttime theater critic! They don't make a heck-of-a-lot of money, y'know! We should probably feel sorry for him. You have to admit, those ARE some of the least expensive cuts of pork.

Thing-Fish: (singing) Flies all green an' buzznin' In his dunjing of despair Who are all o' dem ZOMBIES Dat he fuckin' wit down dere? Are dey crazy? Are dey sainted? Are dey STAGE-KRAFF someone painted? It have never been explained, Since at first it were created, But, a MUSICAL, like we's in, Require a WHOLE BUNCH O' EVERYTHIN'! We talkin' EVERYTHIN' DAT EVER BEEN! Look at her! Look at him!

Harry:

Thing-Fish: Don't you white folks know nothin'? Dat cock-sucker not only mean 'n dangerous, he ignint in regards to de prep'ratium o' food-stuffs! Even in SAN QUENTIM I never seen nobody eat a RAW CHITLIN'! De muthafucker be CRAZY! An' when dat gobbige make it's way thoo de digestium process, you bes' be hopin' you on yo' way outa heahh! Next item de boy be inventin' come under de headin' o' industrial pollutium! Harry: Just what are these . . . chitlin's? Thing-Fish:

Dat what de deal we dealing in Dat what de deal we dealing in Dat what de deal we dealing in Dat what de deal we dealing in

Dat dere id perhaps de questium most frequently posed by members of yo' species! I'll jes' gets de MAMMYS t'hep me relucidate dis bafflin' concept wit another thrillin' numbuh!

6. That Evil Prince

7. You Are What You Is

You Are What You Is

You are what you is

Basic track: July-September, 1980 UMRK

Thing-Fish:

Ike Willis rhythm guitar and vocals Ray White rhythm guitar and vocals Tommy Mars keyboards Arthur Barrow bass + Chad Wackerman drums

Ensemble:

Osmosis, Sister Jasmine Noxema Tapioca: CHITLINS!

Dat entirely TOO CORRECT! Ensemble: Is de one dey call 'SAMMY'! An' that's all it 'tis! Thing-Fish: Thing-Fish: One-Adam-Twelve . . . see de mammy . . . Uh-HUHHHH! Ensemble:

Thing-Fish: Ensemble: Straighten up in dat chair and pay ATTENTIUM! People, dis is fo yo' own good! Do YOU know what YOU ARE? Ensemble: (displaying Dummy #1)

He finally layin' A foolish young man

Bring dat dummy ovuh heah 'n show it to 'em!

Do you know what you are? Thing-Fish: Dat what I ast ya!

Thing-Fish:

Thing-Fish: Armed 'n dangerous, reproach wit cautium! Ensemble:

Ensemble: Stashed away in SAN QUENTIM Ate de mys'try potatoes

De whole thang down, 'Cept de NIVEA LOTIUM! Thing-Fish:

Ensemble:

Thing-Fish: Rub it on good, now!

You are what you is You is what you am Thing-Fish: And DAT de trufe! Ensemble:

Told ya 'bout dem 'taters!

Ensemble:

Ensemble: An de ROYAL CROWN! EVIL PRINCE was inventin' Now he talk like de THING-FISh

Thing-Fish:

Thing-Fish: (manipulating the dummy)

Take good care o' dat "ASH"! Ensemble:

(A cow don't make ham . . . ) ("Hmmmm, Saffiiiee!") Thing-Fish:

Do you know what you are? Ensemble: Thing-Fish:

I meant dat now! An' he look like a MAMMY! Ensemble: You ain't what you're not

You's a wimp . . . she's a shrew! Thing-Fish: (manipulating the dummy)

Thing-Fish:

("See de mammy, now! See de mammy, now!")

Not even hardly . . .

Ensemble:

Ensemble: So see what you got Thing-Fish: And you got a lot o' lookin' t'do, junior! Ensemble:

His fav'rit CO-LOG-NUMM . . . Thing-Fish: Smell like . . . Sister Potato Head Bobby Brown, Sister Ghenghis Adonis

Ensemble: You are what you is Thing-Fish: Got dat? Ensemble: You is what you am Thing-Fish: One-Adam-Twelve, see de mammy agin'!

Ensemble:

Now he says to himself: "I AIN'T NO . . . "

That's a funny pronunciation, If'n ever I heard one!

Thing-Fish:

Ensemble:

"NIGNINT!"

If you don't like

Ensemble:

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

(A cow don't make ham . . . ) Thing-Fish: And it never will . . . Ensemble: "NO MORE . . . HEY! HEY! HEY!" Where'd you get that word?

You ain't what you're not, Thing-Fish: Thing-Fish: Unless SCIENCE do somethin' 'bout it! Ensemble: So see what you got! Thing-Fish: I KNOW dey woikin' on it . . .

One-Adam-Twelve, see de "NIGNINT" wit knife . . . proceed wif cautium . . . knife may be open . . . Ensemble: BWANA MA-COO-BAH Harry:

Ensemble: What you has got Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon: Appropriot? The word is not! Ensemble:

All Right! Let's go! Drop it in the dirt

Ensemble: You are what you is, Thing-Fish: Underneath VIRGINIA! Ensemble:

Ensemble: MERCEDES BAINNNZZZZZ! Ensemble: Who is who?

An' that's all it 'tis!

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon: (singing)

Thing-Fish:

I don't know . . .

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon: Drop it, yeah! Ensemble: 'N let it rot Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon: I can smell it now!

BOOG-BOOGMMM, Dano . . . "MAMMY ONE"!

Ensemble:

Ensemble:

'N what is what Ensemble: (showing Dummy #2) A foolish young man Of de negro persuasion Devoted his life To become a caucasian He stopped eating pork He stopped eating greens He trade his dashiki

Someone else Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Somethin' I just don't know . . . Here de come, here de come! Ensemble:

Ensemble:

'N why is this Will surely come

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon: (manipulating the dummy) ("Uhuru!") Ensemble: For some Jordache Jeans! He learned to play golf An' he got a good score

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Tell me now . . . I told you he was comin'! Ensemble:

Ensemble:

Appropriot 'N pick it up Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

That's right!

To see what's goin' on!

A big ol' RED ONE!

Ensemble:

Ensemble:

Ensemble:

'Cause he wants some

But what you lost

So see what you got

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

An' he wants it for free!

Can't seem to find it!

With some golf clubs stickin' out de trunk!

Ensemble:

Ensemble:

Ensemble:

And when one day

Will not be found

You are what you is

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

There will come a day!

A Mercedes Benz!

I'm gwine down to de links on Saturday mornin'!

Ensemble:

Ensemble:

You wonder who

Do you know what you are?

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

I wonder too!

I know!

Ensemble:

Ensemble:

Ensemble: An' that's all it is Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon: Gimme a five-dollar bill! Ensemble: You used to was

You are what you is YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Who I was, anyway!

I'm the kinda guy . . .

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon: And an overcoat too . . .

Ensemble:

Ensemble:

'N what you do

You is what you am

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

I used to work at the post office!

That ought to be drivin'

Ensemble: AN' THAT'S ALL IT IS Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon: Where's my waitress, yeahhhh! Ensemble:

Ensemble: Ensemble:

You'll scratch your head

A cow don't make ham YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

But I don't wanna un-do my doo!

A four-fifty SLC . . .

Ensemble:

Ensemble:

'N look around

You ain't what you're not

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon: Robbie, take me to Greek Town! Ensemble: AN' THAT'S ALL IT IS

Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon: I'm harder than yer husband; Harder than yer husband! Ensemble: YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon: I'm goin' down to White Street, to the Mudd Club, y'all! Ensemble: AN' THAT'S ALL IT IS Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon: I'm goin' down 'n work the wall! 'N work the floor

Hey, they're really dancin', (They're on AUTO-DESTRUCT) On the floor On the pipe Bouncin' off-a the wall Hey, the people here are really Tearin' it up On the side In the back By the front of the stage They ain't really crazy (You can take it from me) I should know, 'Cause I go Every time I'm in town If you never tried it, Lemme straighten you out: It's the best kinda place To un-fasten yerself!

SEEK 'THE PATH' To the sudsy yellow nozzle Of their Foaming nocturnal Parametric-digital Whole-wheat/inter-faith Geo-thermal Terpsichorean Ejectamenta) In Serious Leather! In Serious Chains! 'N den dey works de wall! Dey works de floor! Dey works de pipe! 'N dey works de wall SOME MORE!

MUDD CLUB! Thing-Fish: All the way downtown!

Ensemble: Ensemble: YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS MUDD CLUB! Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon: 'N work the pipe, 'N work the wall some more!

(And all the rest Of whom For which To when-so-never Of partially indeterminate Biochemical degradation

Thing-Fish: They ain't messin' around!

Ensemble: Ensemble: AN' THAT'S ALL IT IS

In Serious Leather! Serious Chains! Serious Clothing! From when they come downtown From the ruins of Studio '54 To Twist 'n Frugg, In an arrogant gesture to THE BEST Of what de 20th Century have to offer, Including a generous supply Of 'IGNINT McNUGGET'! QUENTIN ROBERT DE NAMELAND Down there right now, With a whole face-full of 'IGNINT McNUGGET', Looking for a virgin with nice breath!

MUDD CLUB! 8. Mudd Club Thing-Fish: You Are What You Is Basic track: July-September, 1980 UMRK Ike Willis rhythm guitar and vocals Ray White rhythm guitar and vocals Tommy Mars keyboards Arthur Barrow bass Motorhead Sherwood Tenor Sax + Chad Wackerman drums Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane CowHoon:

Just turn to the left 'n look around, Because it's there SOMEWHERE!

Sister Jasmina Noxema-Tapioca & Sister Potato-Head Bobby Brown: (two-part harmony) Why, maybe it's YOU!

If you ain't found it, Better hurry up! The folks down there's on AUTO-DESTRUCT, And so can YOU be, TOO! (De fact o' de matter, it's MADE FOR YOU!) Try it on a Saturday 'Bout four o'clock in the mornin', Or even a Monday, At midnight, When there's just a few Of them severely ignint white folks Doin' the Peppermint Twist (for real)

Thing-Fish: And YOU don't even know it! Ensemble: Hey, they're really dancin', Thing-Fish: Dey REALLY dancin' . . . Ensemble:

And here we are, At the Mudd Club, y'all! I hope you enjoy yourself, 'Cause the show's about to begin! Ensemble:

In a black sack dress, (With nine-inch heels), And then a guy With a BLUE MOHAWK come in, In Serious Leather . . .

They're on AUTO-DESTRUCT! On the floor On the pipe Bouncin' off-a the wall!

Thing-Fish:

Basic track: July-September, 1980 UMRK

Right offa dat wall, too!

Ike Willis rhythm guitar and vocals Ray White rhythm guitar and vocals Tommy Mars keyboards Arthur Barrow bass Denny Walley slide guitar and vocals + Chad Wackerman drums

Ensemble: Hey, the people here are really Tearin' it up Thing-Fish: Dey tearin' it off! Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

On the side In the back By the front of the stage

Boy!

Is all de MAMMYS really wrong, If we's wandrin' aroun' Wit' de nakkin on? Big ol' lips like a duck, While we's singin' dis song, (EVIL PRINCE, people, he cain't do NOTHIN'!) Thing-Fish: You say yo' life a 'BUM DEAL', 'N yo' 'UP AGAINST DE WALL'? Well, people, you ain't got no kinda 'DEAL' at all! Now de shit dey be doin' Down in WASHINGTUM, Ensemble:

Ensemble: Dey just takes care

Thing-Fish:

WORK THE WALL!

Took de boy's Mohawk off!

Thing-Fish: Thing-Fish: Dey takin' care

Ensemble:

Dey workin' de wall! Ensemble:

They ain't really crazy (You can take it from me)

Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

WORK THE FLOOR!

O' 'NUMBER ONE,' Thing-Fish:

Uh-OH! I smells trubba!

Thing-Fish: O' 'NUMBER ONE'!

Ensemble:

Dey not only woikin' it, dey turnin' de damn thing!

I should know, 'Cause I go Every time I'm in town

Ensemble: WORK THE PIPE!

Thing-Fish:

Thing-Fish:

Ensemble: An' 'NUMBER ONE' ain't YOU! Thing-Fish: Oh no! It ain't YOU or YOU!

CHRISTIANS comin' up! De pipe? Ensemble:

Ensemble:

If you never tried it, Lemme straighten you out:

(IN SERIOUS PAIN)

Thing-Fish:

Thing-Fish:

Lemme straighten you out, now . . .

Welcome to the QUENTIN ROBERT DE NAMELAND VIDEO CHAPEL OF ECONOMIC WORSHIP!

Ensemble: It's the best kinda place To un-fasten yerself, while you . . .

Ensemble: (singing)

Thing-Fish: Get off dat wall now . . . 9. The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing You Are What You Is

Some take THE BIBLE For what it's worth When it says that THE MEEK Shall inherit THE EARTH Well, I heard that some Sheik Has bought New Jersey last week, 'N you suckers ain't gettin' DOODLY!

Ensemble: YOU ain't even 'NUMBER TWO'! Thing-Fish: (Push de button, pull dat chain, Out come dat lil' brown Choo-choo train!) Ensemble: Those JESUS-FREAKS, Well, they're friendly, BUT, The SHIT they BELIEVE Has got their minds ALL SHUT, An' they don't even CARE When 'THE CHURCH' takes a 'CUT'! (Ain't it BLEAK when you've got so much NOTHIN'?) Thing-Fish:

Wohhhhhh, so whaddya do?

One-Adam-Twelve . . .

Ensemble:

Ensemble:

EAT that PORK! 'N EAT that HAM! Laugh till ya choke On BILLY GRAHAM! BROWN MOSES, AARON, 'n ABRAHAM: They're ALL a waste of TIME, 'N it's YOUR ASS that's ON THE LINE!

And help the NEXT POOR SUCKER

Les' meet de lil' cocksucker now, while he's still young . . . 'cause, 'fo y'all knows it, he be reachin' adulthood and marry some bitch name RHONDA . . . 'n, by dat time, he gwine become what dey call an OVER-EDUCATED SHIT-HEAD!

Thing-Fish:

11. Harry-As-A-Boy

Thing-Fish: Wohhhhhh, heah me talkin' to ya, now, IT'S YOUR ASS THAT'S ON THE LINE! Ensemble:

FZ synclavier

See de sucker . . . Ensemble:

Rhonda:

On his ONE WAY TRIP! (SOME TAKE THE BIBLE!)

HARRY! HARRY, is that YOU as a BOY?

Thing-Fish:

Harry:

Aw, gimme a half a duzzning fo' de hotel ruim!

Why, it MUST be! He's so charming and sweet and likeable!

10. Clowns On Velvet

Thing-Fish:

Do what you WANNA, Thing-Fish:

Basic track: The Ritz, NYC November 17, 1981

Ohh! Do what ya wanna!

Harry-As-A-Boy:

Ensemble: Steve Vai guitar Ray White guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards, sax Scott Thunes bass Ed Mann percussion Chad Wackerman drums

Do WHAT YOU WILL, Thing-Fish: Do what you will! Ensemble:

Thing-Fish: (contd.)

Just DON'T MESS UP Thing-Fish: Don't mess it! Ensemble: YOUR NEIGHBOR'S THRILL, Thing-Fish: Dat's right! Ensemble: 'N when you PAY THE BILL,

Ensemble: Kindly LEAVE A LITTLE TIP, Thing-Fish:

Hi, folks! Nice to be here! Thing-Fish: I's sure dere be lotsa folks like to know what yo' plans are . . . how y'intend t'be gwine about dis uncredibly serious bidniss o' GROWIN' UP IN ERMERICA! Harry-As-A-Boy:

Thass right, folks! We talkin' de hypocritical Jeezis-jerknuh parodise dey call LAS VAGRUS NEVADRUH! QUENTIN done booked in fo some clandestine recreatium wit a semideflateable 'woman of easy virtue' . . . (since dat be 'bouts de onliest kinda bitch be able to tolerate de muthafucker's hair spray!) Bein' jes' like most de other nasty cocksuckers in de Video-Religium Industry, QUENTIN know a good thing when he see one, an dis ugly rubber waitress look to him like a dream come true . . . specially since his TV WIFE, OPAL, be in de next room drinkin' Jack Daniels 'n puttin' de hurts on some ignint bell-boy.

Thing-Fish: Aww, when y'pay de bill . . .

HARRY-AS-A-BOY, c'mon over 'n say a few words to de nice peoples!

'Ventchlly when all de plookin' 'n thrashin' be done wif, de bell-boy (who turn out to be de illejiminit son o' de video preacher) gwine take a job at a gas statium in New Jersey . . . an' de blow-up dolly gwine come to life and fall in love wit de junior wimp who's gettin' ready to appear over in de corner deahhh.

Well, I plan on making a few mistakes, having my heart broken and so forth, using all kinds of drugs, and turning gay as soon as possible in order to accelerate my rise to the 'top of the heap.' Thing-Fish: Ahh! Tremenjous, HARRY-AS-A-BOY, simply tre-MENJOUS! You practicin' up fo it wit anybody in po-ticlar now? Harry-As-A-Boy: I can't afford to study with anyone yet, since the bulk of my allowance goes for glue and Grateful Dead tickets, but soon I hope to be on my knees in a REAL HOMO BATH HOUSE . . . maybe when my folks go on vacation. Thing-Fish: Ain't you de clever one! Tell us, HARRYAS-A-BOY, howdja recide upon dis heah life-style bein' DE ONE FO YOU? Harry-As-A-Boy:

It was pretty simple, really. I lost all desire for intercourse with females when they started carrying those briefcases and wearing suits 'n ties.

Have I Offended Someone? You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6

Brown Moses: includes a quote from Do You Really Want To Hurt Me (Hay/Moss/Craig/O'Dowd)

Rhonda: WHAT?

FZ synclavier Arthur Barrow synth bass programming Chad Wackerman drums

Harry-As-A-Boy: Let's face it: that would be like fucking a slightly more voluptuous version of somebody's father! 'N I'm far too sensitive for such a traumatic experience! Thing-Fish: You means DE WOMENS' LIBROMATION MOVENINT done created de uncontrollable urgement to play dingle-dangle-dingle wit de personal requipment of yo own gender? Harry-As-A-Boy: To a degree . . . I mean . . . look, I'm not stupid! I know it's all a thoroughly workable government-sponsored program to control the Population Explosion, and, just like every other AMERICAN, I'm too concerned with MY OWN personal health and well being to think of devoting any of MY precious time to something as boring as 'REPRODUCTION'! Rhonda:

He's okay He's okay

Ensemble: (singing) He's so gay (He's so gay) He's very very gay He's so gay (He's gay) Brown Moses: Yes, he is I guess he likes it Yeah

Yeah, that's what they say

Ensemble: He's got a role he wants to play Brown Moses: Aww . . . look, have you ever SMELLED rubber?

Ensemble: He's okay He's okay Brown Moses: I guess it's okay, l-look at his woman, yeah . . . I-I guess it's all right

Ensemble: And he likes to be that way With his keys on the right

Ensemble: He's just a cowboy for a day

Brown Moses: Brown Moses: Uh-huh

HARRY, I used to think you were merely an OVER-EDUCATED SHIT-HEAD, but now that I finally have proof, it's going to give me GREAT PLEASURE to refer to you as an OVER-EDUCATED COCKSUCKER!

Mm-hmm Ensemble: Ensemble: He's into rubber every night Of course, his evening's not complete

Harry:

Brown Moses:

Well, to be honest with you, dearest, I sort of . . . gulp, gulp . . .

Into . . . into rubber? Wha . . . the boy's into rubber every night!

Brown Moses: Uh-huh

Rhonda: Where's the fairies on a string, HARRY? Huh? Riddle me this! Thing-Fish: Easy there, white folks! I told y'all'd be gettin' yo' fairies after while, 'n y'know dat sort o' thing take a little time to woik up to in yo' BROADWAY SITCHYATIUM! MAMMYS step faw'd 'n hep de lil' cocksucker out! 12. He's So Gay

Ensemble: He's so gay He's so gay Brown Moses: Oh, my goodness Whoo . . .

Ensemble: He's ALMOST EVERYONE TODAY

Ensemble: Without some meat in the seat; Brown Moses: Don't tell me that

Ensemble: Let's skate away Down Santa Monica today (Well well well) Maybe he wants a little spanking

Brown Moses:

Ensemble:

Brown Moses:

Uh . . . a spanking?

You could say (You could say)

Muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-muh Ooof!

Ensemble:

Brown Moses: Ensemble:

Maybe he'll eat a little chain

Wha . . . what could ya say? Maybe you'll get a chance

Brown Moses: Ensemble:

Brown Moses:

It's sorta different today

I'm telling ya

Uh . . . well, eat the chain

Ensemble:

Brown Moses:

Maybe his lover should be thanking him

I agree

Ensemble: To borrow (Borrow)

Brown Moses: Ensemble:

Brown Moses:

Uh-huh All the taffeta and chintz

What I'm a borrow? Ensemble:

Brown Moses:

For the way he makes it sprinkle

Uh . . . 'least the boy ain't gonna reproduce hisself again

His bouquet

Brown Moses: Wait a minute . . . Wh . . .

Ensemble:

Ensemble:

Brown Moses:

And every Leather Boy's a PRINCE

No way!

Ensemble:

Brown Moses:

Into drops of GOLDEN RAIN

Uh-huh

Ensemble: And maybe later . . . Brown Moses: M . . . makin' into rai . . . ? Oh no! What is the problem? Uh-oh UHH-OHh

Ensemble:

Brown Moses:

Hey hey hey!

Don't you tell me this

Brown Moses: Ensemble: Hey hey hey . . . MAYBE LATER

Ensemble: He's so gay He's so gay

Ensemble:

Brown Moses:

Please don't look the other way

I said don't you tell me this!

Brown Moses: Yeah, that's what it is

You could be just like him TOMORROW! Brown Moses:

Ensemble:

Ensemble: We'll ALL BE GAY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y!

Hoooo, that's shockin'! Brown Moses:

He rules the city in a way Brown Moses: Ohh boy . . .

Ensemble: Mah-mah-mah-mah-mah-mah

No! No! No! Oh, gay . . .

Ensemble:

mercifullessly until you receive a suitable answer!

DO YOU REALLY WANNA HURT ME? Brown Moses: You just did!

FZ: MOO-AHHH!

Harry: Now, just hold yourself in abeyance, RHONDA! I'll handle this! Look here, 'Mr. POTATO-HEAD,' what's the meaning of all this? Do you realize what you're asking my REPLICA to do? Do you expect him to literally FALL IN LOVE in front of all these people . . . with that artificial RHONDA over there? Thing-Fish:

13. The Massive Improve'lence

Thing-Fish: But, on BROADWAY, it's a NEW DAY! Ain'tcha hoid? Yo' unrequired desirin's be mo' suited to de ZOMBY-FOLK up in de EVIL PRINCE'S lab-mo-to-rium! Harry: (whimpering) Don't make fun of me . . . PLEASE! I know I'm not the most desirable kind of fellow a 'MAMMY NUN' could choose for intimate companionship . . . but . . . but . . . gosh-darn-it, I'd TRY . . . I'd REALLY TRY to make you HAPPY!

Whoa, do de Pope shit in de woods? Jay Anderson string bass Chad Wackerman drums Thing-Fish: (to the rubber girl) Hmmm! Dat quite a massive improve'lence, dah-lin'! Jes' a few moments ago you was well on yo' way to bein' severely ugly! Now, thoo de magik o' stagekraff, de blubulence of yo' blobulence done reciprocated to a respectumal reclusium! Yow! SCIENCE! (to HARRY & RHONDA) Ef y'all don't minds me sayin' so, I b'lieves it's 'bout time fo yo pathetical miniaturized replicas to FALL IN LOVE! After all . . . dis lil' sucker already been fulla glue, homo-sectional extrusiums, 'n ARMY FOOD . . . nothin' left fo' him to do, 'cept get catched by dis' lil' stinker over heahhh! 'Membuh, we's on BROADWAY! Muthafucker be buyin' dem tickets wants a lil' HEART, a lil' SOUL . . . 'n some TITTY TOO, ef dey can git it, so, les' get y'all in positium heah, 'n get dis silly business over wit! Y'all's takin' too goddam long to GROW UP IN ERMERICA! Harry-As-A-Boy: I suppose you're right, Mr. THING-FISH, but you'll have to admit . . . this is a rather awkward situation!

Rhonda: Harry: Now, just hold on there, buddy! Let's be serious! The toilet training of exalted religious personalities is not our primary topic of discussion!

Thing-Fish: Rhonda: HARRY, that's wonderful! The way you're just rearing up on your hind legs like that! That's terrific! So what if you suck a little cock every once in a while! That's TERRIFIC! Thing-Fish: (to HARRY)

Rhonda: That's a GOOD QUESTION, HARRY! Don't let him wiggle out of it! Hound him

Boy obviously got hisseff a provlum! Would y'all like to use my nakkin' one mo' time? Harry: Oh, YES! YES! Give me . . . your . . . how do you say it? 'NAY'KIN'? Oh! Harry-As-A-Boy:

Look heuhhh, sweetheart, they's somethin' fishy gwine on . . . all I's wantin' to do is get de romantic in'trust out de way so we can git back to de EVIL PRINCE, 'n see what de fuck we gone do 'bouts HIM! De way you's givin' me de lip, lead me to infer a subterior motivatium! Harry: (singing) I WANT A NUN! I WANT A NUN! I WANT A BURRO, IN THE FROSTY LIGHT! Thing-Fish: You want a NUN? De boy want a NUN? What de fuck kinda NUN you want?

Harry: That's right! Stage-craft is one thing, but this is ridiculous! Where did that stimulating little replica come from anyway?

HARRY . . . you are . . . a worm . . . a disgusting WORM! YOU WORMMMMMM! You are nothing but a WORMMMMMMMMMMMM!

Harry: (singing) I CAN'T SEEM TO MAKE UP MY MIND! SOMETHING ABOUT MAMMYS SEEMS SO SUBLIME . . . THAT'S THE BROADWAY WORD USED WHEN THEY RHYME A SONG ABOUT LOVE!

I think this is going too far, Mr. THINGFISH! I haven't even had a chance to fall in love, or to grow to maturity yet! The ARTIFICIAL RHONDA is pining away for my wholesome companionship, just over there! This isn't right! You're letting everything get all out of sequence! Thing-Fish: Whoa! I gots yo' 'SEQUENCE' hangin', boy! Get outs de way! Cain't y'see dat de mizzable cock-sucker you ultimately gwine become done fell in love wit' a 'MAMMY NUN'! Awright, which one idit, sweetheart? Harry: I . . . I . . . can't seem to make up my mind . . . you're all so . . . MASTERFUL! So SENSUOUS . . . you're so INCREDIBLY TALENTED! Rhonda: . . . a wor-r-r-r-r-mmmmmmmmmm! You are a FUCKING WOR-R-R-R-R-R-RMMMMMMMMM! Thing-Fish:

Makes up yo' mind, dahlin'! We ain't gots all night heahhh! Intromissium be comin' up putty quick! Folks be headin' on out to de lobby fo' dem MASH POTATOES we tole 'em 'bout earlier! Harry-As-A-Boy: I insist on FALLING IN LOVE, right now, this very moment, and I don't care what you do with HIM . . .

May I have this dance? Thing-Fish:

She gonna take what he got 'til nothin' be lef' She gonna take what he got 'til nothin' be lef'

Muthafucker barf me right on outa here, AN' gag me wit a spoon!

disc 2

Harry-As-A-Boy:

1. The Crab-Grass Baby

What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? Do you come here often?

Thing-Fish:

FZ synclavier Crab-Grass Baby:

Thing-Fish: Go 'head on den . . . go git yo' deflateable bitch ovuh deah! Judgin' fum all de fuss, you ain't in much better shape den de large economy size been clutchin' at my nakkin! We gots a love song (jes' yo' type), bridgin' de conceptiumal gap between what you IS, what you THINK you is, what WE think you is, what you is GONNA BE, 'n also what yo' rubberized madonna be somewhat remindin' me of! SISTER OB'DEWLLA 'X', gather de mo' sensitive MAMMYS together fo' harmonicizatiumal purposes, while de ones with de M.B.A.'s hit de lobby 'n sell some shit, 'fo de customers over-run yo' ass! Meanwhile, lil' guy, go get yo' rubber girl 'n esspress yo-seff! 14. Artificial Rhonda Zoot Allures You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Basic track: Record Plant, LA Probably c. May-June, 1976 FZ guitar, acoustic guitar, bass, synth Donnie Vliet harmonica (uncredited) Ruth Underwood synth Roy Estrada bg. vocal + Chad Wackerman drums Thing-Fish: Don't look OB'DEWLLA! It's too horrible! I b'lieve de muthafucker 'bout to ask dat rubber girl to dance! Harry-As-A-Boy: Hey, good-lookin'! Thing-Fish: See! I told ya! Harry-As-A-Boy:

YOW! Harry-As-A-Boy: (singing) I got a girl with a little rubber head Rinse her out every night just before I go to bed She never talk back like a lady might do An' she looks like she loves it every time I get through And her name is A-R-T-I F-I-C, I cry A-L, don't be shy! ARTIFICIAL RHONDA With the plastic pie

Stroke me pompadour, pompaduooor, pompaduooor, pompaduooor. Stroke me pompadour, father. Stroke it nicely while I tell you about the problems I am having with my car an my girlfriend. Ooo-wowoo, the white man's burden! Her and her girlfriend used to go out and booze it up and tear up the upholstery; rip the seats completely out, and so I got a fifty-six Olds. About the time I got it running decently, she got in it and wrecked the trans . . . tore it completely up, so I had to get another Oldsmobile (either that or go to Tijuana or go to BROWN MOSES way down in EgyptLand). It's so hard on a child when his car is fucked up. Buy me a Volvo, faaather. Harry-As-A-Boy:

Her eyes is all shut in a ecstasy face I can cram it down her throat, people, any old place! Then I throw the little switch on her battery pack 'N I can poot it, I can shoot it till it makes her gack! And her name is A-R-T-I F-I-C, I cry A-L, don't be shy! ARTIFICIAL RHONDA With the plastic pie

Isn't it terrific, artificial RHONDA! Crab-Grass Baby: One-Adam-Twelve . . . see the enormous white pompadour! Ha-Ha-ha-ho! That's a good one! Hoo-hoo-hoo. Harry-As-A-Boy: He's so young, and yet, SO WISE!

Ensemble: Crab-Grass Baby: De boy got a girl wit' a lil' rubber haid Rinse her out evvy night, jes befo' he go t'bed He gonna grow up, 'n marry dat trash Wit a ugly rubber head, an' a 'flateable gash She jes' de kinda girl dis sucker might need He's a little bit dumb, peoples, yes indeed De boy wanna 'RHONDA', jeffo hisseff! She gonna take what he got 'til nothin' be lef' She gonna take what he got 'til nothin' be lef' She gonna take what he got 'til nothin' be lef' She gonna take what he got 'til nothin' be lef' She gonna take what he got 'til nothin' be lef' She gonna take what he got 'til nothin' be lef'

I pooped my pants, pooped my pants, pooped my pants! I went doody, faaather, sob-sob-sob-sob-sob. Harry-As-A-Boy: His vocabulary is astonishing! Crab-Grass Baby: So what if you suck a little cock every once in a while? Harry-As-A-Boy: Ohhh . . . I'm so lucky to have a son like this . . . Crab-Grass Baby:

Barf me out . . . gag me with a Volvo!

sanitatium . . . shit! Y'all provvly be savin' up fo yo first LAVA LAMP putty soon!

Harry-As-A-Boy: Harry-As-A-Boy: I can't wait to show him to all the fellas down at the MINE-SHAFT! Crab-Grass Baby: Take me to the movies. Buy me a balloon. Stroke me pompadour!

We're incredibly happy! Even though I'm gay for business purposes, my relationship with artificial RHONDA has blossomed into something really beautiful, although I must confess to being baffled by how she got knocked up.

Leave de ugly baby in de crab-grass, snatch up yo' wretched excuse fo a woman, 'n climb on up de heap! Get yo'seff a job drivin' a truck fulla stringbeans to Utah! Make sumfin' out y'seff, so's y'can afode a ticket to de MAMMY NUN SHOW! Den we can piss all ovuh de adulterated wimp you gwine become, an' get de shit rollin' agin'! 3. No Not Now Ship Arriving Too Late To Save A Drowning Witch Thing-Fish

Thing-Fish: Harry-As-A-Boy: Look! Look! Look at the pecker on him, wouldja! Goodjy-goodjy-goodjy-goo! Hoo hoo hoo!

Well, if de trufe be told, it were de father o' de boy at de gas statium . . . when y'sent de ol' lady in fo' de inner-tube patchin', 'round de foth o' July.

Thing-Fish:

Harry-As-A-Boy:

Dis boy have a 'PROVLEM'! However, how 'bout a nice round of applause fo de three 'WISE MAMMIES', comin' atcha outa chute numba five!

QUENTIN? How could he be so unfaithful? I'm sure God has ways of punishing naughty little guys like that!

basic track recorded at UMRK c. late 1981-early 1982 FZ guitar, vocals Steve Vai impossible guitar parts Ray White vocals Tommy Mars keyboards Arthur Barrow bass Chad Wackerman drums Roy Estrada vocals Ike Willis vocals Bob Harris vocals

Thing-Fish: 2. The White Boy Troubles includes Amnerika and quote from What'd I Say (Charles) and Wooly Bully (Samudio) FZ synclavier Arthur Barrow bass Chad Wackerman drums

Mights well stop complainin', boy! De damage been done! Leastways y'all can pretend to be SOME KINDA DADDY! Yo' rubber bitch ain't gwine change no diapers! Y'said y'all was incredibly happy! Enjoy it while y'got it, boy! De shit gwine hit de fan in a minute! Harry-As-A-Boy:

Thing-Fish: Wooo! Looka-dat! A big ol' truck, 'n a box uh NODOZ . . . 'n ovuh deah, a greazy ol' dinuh, where yo rubber bitch kin reassume part-time employment in her former professium: slingin' hash in de directium o' de blue-collar community!

Ensemble: (singing)

What? Something BAD is going to happen?

Ensemble:

De white boy troubles! (White boy troubles!) De white boy troubles! (Boy got troubles!) Oh what a boidennn! (Ooh, heavy boidennn!) His car's fucked up! De boy got a provlem! She ripped up de 'polstry (Wit de red dress on) Outa dat O-zo-mobile! (Tell me what I say) Hafta go ta Tia-Juana now! (Mattie told Hattie) He should go to BROWN MOSES, Way down in Egyppp-Lainnn! (Egyppp-Lainnn)

Thing-Fish:

No not now

Thing-Fish: (checking off a clipboard, like a social worker) Looks likes y'done putty good heahh, HARRY-AS-A-BOY! I sees ya' growin' up like a weed, axmodently reproducin' YOSEFF 'n evvythang. Done found some low-rent housin' in a one-dimensional cardbode nativity box on some Italian's funt lawn . . . bunch o' crab-grass underneath de offspring fo quick 'n easy

You figgit out . . . judgin' fum de intellectional expressium on yo' beloved's ignint face, de bitch gwine be contemplatin' A CAREER OF HER OWN! See dat?

Thing-Fish: Yep! Hafta do it now! Ensemble:

Look like she got her one good eye on a briefcase 'n a tweed spo't coat down de mall somewheres! Durin' de intromissium, few de SISTERS seen her 'tendin' a CONSCIOUSNESS RAISIN' MEETIN' over at de Hiltum! Thass right! Bitch passed up de MASH POTATOES 'n took off wit' de High School Cafeteria Butch. Makin' matters woise, de Italian dat be ownin' yo' nativity bungalow been wondrin' 'bouts de hanky AN' de panky 'tween you 'n dem two concrete flamingos ovuh by de steps! You been messin' wit de State Bird o' New Jersey, muthafucker! Dat kin git you five to life in dis vicinity! If you wants a little frennly advice, boy, I'd be growin' my ass up a little quicker, 'n whizz on outa heahh!

No not now Thing-Fish: Now's a good a time as any! Ensemble: No not now Thing-Fish: Dis ERMERICA, boy! Ensemble: No not now

Thing-Fish:

Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

I never promised you no Rose Garden!

But I like her sister

Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

She so hot, it makin' her apron wrinkle, 'n smoke come pourin' out de back o' dat stupid paper hat!

Maybe later

Dat what dem Gospel Folks dream 'bouts doin' in a dinuh!

Ensemble: She changed her mind

Thing-Fish: Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

Ain't gone be no 'LATER'! She can't decide

Her rubber mind . . .

Ensemble: Thing-Fish:

Ensemble:

Maybe later Now RHONDA can't decide . . .

She changed her mind

Thing-Fish: Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

You got a hard row to hoe! Whom she wanna ride

One o' de greatest minds of our time!

Ensemble: Thing-Fish:

Ensemble:

She say I'm free Ain't been ridin' no salami fum de wimp!

She changed her mind

Thing-Fish: Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

She not exackly 'FREE'! She can't decide

De girl gots 'talent'!

Ensemble: Thing-Fish:

Ensemble:

She say I'm free Thing-Fish: Mo' like 'AVAILABLE FO' A LIMITED TIME ONLY' . . .

I know she gwine be ridin' sumphin' putty soon . . .

She changed her mind

Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

Whom she wanna ride

An' she 'rinse-able', too!

Thing-Fish:

Ensemble:

Ain't gone be no 'Hobby-Horse' neetuh!

And I don't blame her

Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

Tonight

I don't blame her fo' rinsin' out what she had in dat mouf!

Ensemble: She say I'm free Thing-Fish: Fo part-time industrial peruse-ment! Ensemble: Thing-Fish: Ensemble:

She say I'm free, She need it tonite!

And I don't blame her

Thing-Fish: Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

Look like ol' Quentim come back to peruse her one mo' time . . .

Tonight

Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

But de bitch gotta earn a livin'! Ensemble: But I like her sister,

Any minnit now!

Thing-Fish:

Ensemble:

Wanna 'peruse' her sister, too . . .

Tonight

No not now (No no not now) Thing-Fish:

Now when she NEEDS it!

The cowboy pants

Ensemble:

Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

All night long

No not now (No no not now)

An' some cowboy pants!

Thing-Fish:

Ensemble:

All night long!

Transcontinental

Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

String beans to Utah

Built like a trans-continentum . . .

Thing-Fish:

No not now (No no not now)

Ensemble:

Yum-yum!

Thing-Fish:

Hobby horse

Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

String beans to Utah Deliver string beans To Utah tonight

Thing-Fish: De wimp jes' mights fall asleep at de wheel! Ensemble:

Git himseff all mashed up . . . Ensemble: No not now (No not now)

Hobby-hobby hoss! Ensemble: String beans to Utah

Thing-Fish: Thing-Fish: An' lookin' like a pancake! Thass right!

Thing-Fish: Giddyup! Ensemble: I better go fast Or they won't be all right

Ensemble: Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

Maybe later String beans to Utah

All right!

Thing-Fish: Thing-Fish:

Ensemble:

Thass right! It COULD happen later! Tonight! Ensemble:

Deliver string beans To Utah tonight

Ensemble: Thing-Fish:

Maybe later Ah, the wife! Thing-Fish:

Yum-yum! Thing-Fish:

Dis de MAMMY NUN SHOW, folks! ANYTHING can happen! Shut up! You needs a vacatium, boy! You gots de 'WHITE LINE FEVUM'! Coupla donuts 'n some cowboy music fix ya right up! Breaker-breaker! Git down wit de 'comeback! Sleepy wimp seek lastin' relationship wit anally-oriented 'luminum sidin' salesman! Ensemble: The big ol' hat Thing-Fish: Wit a big ol' hat! Ensemble:

Ensemble: Ah, the wife! Ensemble:

Donnie 'n Marie Can both take a bite

Oh, the waitress!

Thing-Fish:

Thing-Fish:

Bite it, Marie!

An' de waitress too!

Ensemble:

Ensemble:

Hawaiian - Hawaiian - Hawaiian Lunch

Oh, the drive . . .

Thing-Fish:

Thing-Fish: Hawaiian lunch! Oh, 'THE DRIVE'!

Ensemble:

No not now (No no not now) No not now (No no no no not now) No not now (No no not now) No not now (No no no no not now) Maybe later Maybe later

Thing-Fish:

Harry: (to THING-FISH)

She de best in town! Anything you say, master! Take me, I'm yours!

Ensemble:

Rhonda: (Broadway-style fake singing)

Oh she goes Thing-Fish:

She changed her mind (She changed her mind) She changed her mind (You know she changed her mind) She changed her mind (She changed her mind) She changed her mind (You know she changed her mind)

She go up, she go down! Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

Up and down Oooh, lawd! Lookit you, boy! Chain thoo de nipples 'n evvy goddam thing! You a sick white muthafucker, ain'tcha?

Thing-Fish: And I don't blame her And I don't blame her She's sorta wild (She wild, she wild) She's sorta wild (Really wild, really wild) She's sorta wild (She wild, she wild) A crazy child (Crazy child, crazy child) Tonight - tonight - tonight

Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way! Oh, what fun it is to ride To Chicago every day, oh . . .

I said up an' down! Ensemble:

Rhonda: Bells on bob-tail ring, Making spirits bright! Oh, what fun it is to ride To Chicago every night, oh . . .

Oh that bull! Thing-Fish:

Harry:

De whole bull! For Chrissake, RHONDA! Have you no SHAME?

There she goes

Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

The whole bull!

Ooooh! There she goes!

Thing-Fish:

Y'all make up y'mind yet, 'bouts de MAMMY o' yo' dreams?

Ensemble:

De WHOLE BULL!

Harry:

Up and down

Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

The whole bull!

Ooooh! Up and down!

Thing-Fish:

You bet! I've waited ALL MY LIFE for this moment! My heart is fluttering! If only I could submit myself on approval, for a limited time only . . . to . . . to that nasty little rubber MAMMY on your knee ...

Ensemble:

De whole damn thing!

Thing-Fish:

Ride that bull

Ensemble:

Thing-Fish:

The best in town

She's ridin' de bull!

Thing-Fish:

SISTER OB'DEWLLA 'X'? De mys'try SISTER? Y'all wants t'party hearty with de min'yature rubber MAMMY wit de string out de back? Yow! Dintcha get 'nuff 'buse fum de other bitch when y'was livin' in de card-bo'd hut?

Ensemble:

Where she go? Ebzn-sauce!

Rhonda:

All around

4. Briefcase Boogie

HARRY . . . HARRY . . . hey! HARRY! Fucking wor-r-r-mmmmmmmmmm! I want a DIVORCE, HARRY!

Thing-Fish: All around! Ensemble: The best in town

includes a quote from Jingle Bells (James Pierpont) Jay Anderson string bass Chad Wackerman drums

Thing-Fish:

Harry: Not now, dearest, PLEASE! This is serious! Little MAMMY, what'll it be? Hips or lips?

Rhonda:

Harry:

You're a wor-r-r-r-mmmmmmm! A fucking WOR-R-R-R-M-M-M-MMMMMMMMMMMM! These are my TITS, HARRY! I have TITS! Look! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT MY WONDERFUL TITS, YOU FUCKING WOR-R-R-R-R-MMMMMMMM! I'm going to pretend I'm SQUIRTING THEM ON YOU! Whoo! Wheeeee! ALMOST GOTCHA!

RHONDA . . . have you no SHAME! Keep the briefcase closed, for chrissake! All your documents are falling out! Rhonda: (as over-sized file folders emerge) Unngh! I'm GOOD! Oh God I'm good! Harder! Faster! Unngh! Unngh! This is TERRIFIC! Boy, I need it so bad . . .

Harry:

What wickedness id dis? De way you's carryin' on! Dis pygmy I be clutchin' Have been lef' out on de lawn! De daddy were ne-GLIJ-ible, De mama were de-FLATE-able, De trauma to de imfunt Be mostly not ne-GATE-able Yo' urgin' to be exitin' Because of dem fla-min-i-go's Be thoroughly perplexin' him Because of where yo' petuh goes

Harry: Not now, RHONDA! Ow! Oof! Oh, I love this! Hurt me! Hurt me! Oh, pull my chain, you tiny potato-headed whatchamacallit!

Those are the Warner Brothers files, aren't they dear? Don't you think there'll be some questions about the condition of the blue paper?

Rhonda: Thing-Fish: They're almost squirting, HARRY! Look! Look! Whoooooo! Whooooo! Whoooo! You fucking worm!

Girl! Bes' be careful wit de latch!

Thing-Fish:

Rhonda: (with the handle in her mouth, semiintelligible)

OB'DEWLLA! Is y'awright? Don't be pullin' de boy's chain too hard dere! He gots 'nuthuh show t'do t'morrow! Don't put dat in yo' MOUF, girl! I knows y'cain hep y'seff wit dat crazy muthafucker 'busin' you like dat, but jes' hang on a lil' longuh . . . he be droppin' de wad putty soon now! Rhonda: (pinching her nipples, jiggling her tits)

I'm sucking the handle now, HARRY! Look! Mmmmmm! It tastes GOOD! Mmmmmm! Mmmmmm! The handle! The handle! Harry: Hurt me, OB'DEWLLA! Make me whimper and beg for your tiny rubber love!

Jingle bells, jingle bells . . . Harry: Oh! This is divine! Rhonda: This is my PUSSY, HARRY! Look! See it? You know what I'm gonna do with it, you worm? I'm gonna make it FUCK SOMETHING! That's right! You won't get any of it . . . because you're DISGUSTING! An' I don't need you, MR. FIRST-NIGHTER! My wonderful, wonderful pussy doesn't need you! I have my BRIEFCASE, HARRY! I'm going to FUCK MY BRIEFCASE! I'm going to . . . look! Look at this! I got it right over here! There! See it? My BIG, BROWN, BRIEFCASE! MY BRIEFCASE! It's BIG, HARRY! It's full of BUSINESS PAPERS . . . from MY CAREER! I'm gonna put my GLASSES ON, HARRY! I'm gonna put my hair up in a BUN! Then, I'm going FUCK FUCK FUCK! Ha-ha-ha-hahhhhh! Look! See me? See how I got my hair up? Whooo! I'm REALLY DOING IT! Unngh! Unngh!

If only you been 'siderate Erbout dis lil' illiterate I wouldna been trudgin' cross de san' Fum way down yonder in E-gyp-lan' Dey callin' me BROWN MOSES, Fo' dat id sho'ly what I am, Ancient an' re-lij-er-mus Solemn an' pres-tig-i-mus Wisdom reekin' outa me 'Long wif summa dis baby pee 'Minds me of dem River Weeds 'N all dem ignint Bible deeds Growed up in de Pharoah place, Lef' de sucker in disgrace! Some dem boys refuse to loin Somthin' smokin': Somthin' boin! Somethin' borry: Somethin' blue! Best keeps a lil' paper In yo shoe! Hear me when I's tellin' you: Leavin' de midgit were WRONG T'DO!

Rhonda: I've got a fountain pen, HARRY! I've got a fountain pen with MY INITIALS on it! I'm putting it in my mouth, HARRY! I'm gonna get it wet! I'm gonna stuff it up my asshole and ride the briefcase again, you disgusting perverted bastard worm! I'm gonna do it! Look, HARRY! Whooo! Unngh! Unngh! God-damit, HARRY! Watch me! This is for your own good!

It's a terr'ble thang, done did to him Left wit de crab-grass Over his chin! Sho'ly one day he will grow, 'N put some shit In yo' sack o' woe OL' BROWN MOSES now have spoke! Could ya lends me 'bout a dollar? I's a tiny bit broke

5. Brown Moses You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 FZ synclavier Chad Wackerman drums Brown Moses: Oh-oh! Wait a minute! What? (singing)

I likes my wine I loves my gin 'N fo a lil' collateral, I'll gives ya HIM! A lil' collateral, I'll gives ya HIM! A lil' collateral, I'll gives ya HIM! I said a lil' collateral, A lil' collateral, A lil' collateral, A lil' collateral, A lil' collateral, I'll gives ya HIM! I'll gives ya HIM! TAKE A POMPADOUR, BABY!

6. Wistful Wit A Fist-Full Chuck Wild broadway piano Evil Prince: (mammified fake-Broadway singing)

DIE! CAN'T . . . NEVER DIE-E-E-E-E-E-E-E! Yessir! You're too kind!

Evil Prince: Sho' nuff! Um-hmm! Yeah! You a WISE ol' MAMMY! Where you fum, 'rijnlyy?

7. Drop Dead includes Amnerika

What is happenin' to me! An' also to de ol' zom-BIE I used tum know?

cornvemient to indemnify wit his 'point-oview!

FZ synclavier

Thing-Fish: Why . . . uh . . . SAINT LOOMIS!

Of c'ose dey Once was so spectaculuhhh! Now we be Talkin' de vernaculuhhh! Dis a strange kind o' reactium To de pig we et befo'!

Harry: JESUS, that was terrific! I've never experienced anything quite like that in a theater before! How 'bout you, RHONDA?

Goddam! I knew it! I knew it! I could jes' make it out from yo' renunciation! Sho' get hot down deahh in de summer time!

I's immune to de Re-ZEASE, I s'pose Fum suckin' up de greeze Fum de DUO-DEENUM dribblin's Outa de pig befo'!

Rhonda:

Thing-Fish:

You're a worm, HARRY. Drop dead. God, you're disgusting! Don't touch me! YUCK! What is this scum on your chest? Did that little rubber MAMMY 'do something' on you?

DAT no lie . . . people be croakin' all over de fuckin' place! I sees y'all like dat sort o' thang . . . jedgin' fum yo' wa'd-robe, y'all be WELL INTO death 'n pestilence 'n shit! Prob'ly got yo-seff quite some 'spensive educashnin' goin' fo ya!

Thing-Fish: (alarmed)

Evil Prince:

I can laugh 'n rub my chin When MY re-ZEASE come rollin' in, It's jes' like catchin' a second win'! I feel so gay-y-y-y-y-y! Some mights refer to me as SCUM, 'Cause where dey all be comin' from (When de GALOOT CO-LOG-NUH rushin' down de plain) Is underneef some ragg'dy dirt In de suburbean out-skirt Of ol' Manhattin', Traffick pattin' Near de GAY WHITE WAY! I gets clammy, sayin' 'MAMMY' I gets chills all up my spine! I gets wistful, Wit a fistful Of ve-NE-she-um bline! Jes' like tuggin' on de heart-strings! Jes' like dem lil' ol' fallin' apart things, Jes' like whatevuh dat is rotten, YESSIR! We has sho'ly has not fo-gotten HOW T'PRETEND TO SING! Now, deys hope, We ain't gwine die! Only de suckers forced t'buy Dem 'spensive tickets we be sellin' at de do'! Now we got BROADWAY ZOMBIE MAMMYS! We gots an' UGLY, UGLY O'PHAN ANNIE! An' de traditium will go on, 'n on, 'n on I loves t'see de, see de ZOMBIE fly! YESSIR! It sorta makes ya, makes ya wanna cry! 'Cause we is BROADWAY! We's EXPENSIVE, An' we can't, I said we CAN'T . . . CAN'T . . . NEVER

OB'DEWLLA! You lil' vagrant! What you been up to wit de chump over deahh? Lemme see yo' draw's! Uh-HUHHHH! Jes' couldn't hep y'seff, could ya! Pheww! You best be washin' dat thang off, dahlin'! I knows we's sposed ta be unDESTRUCTABLE, but what you got ripenin' down dere be puttin' us all to DE TEST! Yow!

Evil Prince:

Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Heh-heh! Saint Loomis! Damn! Some de ZOMBY-FOLK up de lab-mo-tory got kin deah! Thing-Fish: Naw! Really? Cain't be! Evil Prince:

Evil Prince: (fake Broadway singing) Pers'nally, dahlin', I found de pre-formnence Wit de brief-case To be un-creedably stim-u-lat-nin'!

Oh hell yeah! De ugly dead muthafucker on de string deahh . . . he related to a buncha other ugly dead muthafuckers fum de East Side . . . 'n de curly-headed sho't lil' ugly dead muthafucker wit de dead dog been fuckin' de police commissioner!

Rhonda:

Thing-Fish:

Eat shit, you overbearing male chauvinist member of the scientific community!

How you know so much 'bouts what gwine on down deahh, you EVIL COCKSUCKER! Y'all been stayin' quite well un-formed fum bein' in de lab-motory most yo' time!

Thing-Fish: What a sweet lil' hunk o' heaven she growed up t'be! When she were deflateable, she dint say nothin' . . . jes kept her face open like dis . . . waitin' fo de salami dat never 'rived! Now she fuckin' de briefcase, dumpin' de paper all over de flo', hair up in a ugly ol' bun, fountain pen danglin' out her asshole, an' talkin' dirty to a member o' de ROYAL FAM'LY!

Evil Prince:

Girl! Dis cocksucker mights be EVIL, but he AM a PRINCE! Now he be talkin' de vernakluh, I's findin' it consid'rubly mo'

You lyin', boy! Dey givin' degrees in 'TATER HUSBANDRY' back de ol' almamotta!

Jes' might distress yo ass to loin dat on de way home fum de SAN QUENTIM 'tater mashin' 'speri- ment, me 'n de country westin muzishnins' drop by de college to receive an honorary degree! Thing-Fish:

Evil Prince: Dat ALL dey givin' any mo'! Muthafuckin' 'TATER HUSBANDRY' be de wave o' de futchum in Saint Loomis! Graduatin' class were over 700, 'n evvy one of 'em dealin' wit dem 'taters like de shrimp-murderers down at BennyHanny's! Thing-Fish: (looking down at OB'DEWLLA) What? Huh? You wanna what? OB'DEWLLA, de PRINCE jes' be shootin' de home-town shit heahh! He ain't gwine give us no mo' provlem! What you mean, girl? Okay, okay! Go 'head 'n fuck de lil' CRAB-GRASS BABY wit de enormous white pompadour! Go on deah. Git down wit yo' nasty lil' ol' degenerate seff! Crab-Grass Baby: One-Adam-Twelve . . . see the MAMMY . . . take me to the movies, buy me a balloon . . . Thing-Fish: Twist 'n shout! Work it on out ('n in)! Hmmm! Get down! Go on! Give him a little shoe! Dat's what Denny be doin' . . . work on Jumbo evvy time! Go on! Get de lil' pompadour up in de air agin! I like dat part! Crab-Grass Baby: Stroke me pompadour . . . That's better, I feel better now . . .

I've found a sort of fulfilment other men only DREAM about!

the snot out of yourself with a rubber MAMMY!

Rhonda: (naked, re-stuffing the briefcase)

I simply can't respect you, HARRY! You are NO GOOD. Go ahead! Smell the pen! Go on . . . I'm wiping it HARRY . . . there you go . . .

You've accomplished NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL! You're a MERE WORM . . . less than that . . . you're a useless ALL-AMERICAN 'MANWORM'! The most disgusting creature on the face of the earth. Phooey on you! Worms like you would be NOTHING without ME and MY KIND! WE are THE FUTURE, HARRY! Not you! WE don't need YOU and YOUR KIND, because OUR KIND is THE BEST KIND!

Harry: It's-it's fascinating the way things are resolving themselves around here! I-I never would have suspected anything like this when we came in! Rhonda: (climbing out the rubber body-suit) Where are your real clothes, HARRY? Are you going back to Long Island like that? Harry: I have nothing to be ashamed of! I have a LOVELY body. Everyone will understand! I've ACCOMPLISHED something tonight! I really believe that!

ECUAS-NZBE? 8. Won Ton On Ship Arriving Too Late To Save A Drowning Witch Thing-Fish

MAN-KIND is SHIT, HARRY! OUR KIND will get rid of YOUR KIND, just like wiping off this fountain pen, HARRY! Smell it quick, you submissive little cocksucker, 'cause I'm wiping it off . . . any minute now! THIS IS SYMBOLISM, HARRY! Really DEEP, INTENSE, THOUGHTPROVOKING BROADWAY SYMBOLISM! THIS ISN'T 'DREAM GIRLS', HARRY! This is the way it REALLY IS . . . I'm talking to you, HARRY! WE HATE YOU! WE are MODERN, HARRY! You are not 'MODERN'! Worms are not MODERN! While YOU became LAWYERS and ACCOUNTANTS, and read PLAYBOY and bought a pipe, WE PLANNED and DREAMED and FUCKED OUR BRIEFCASES while you weren't looking! Yes, HARRY! That's right! And we've actually been able to REPRODUCE OURSELVES THAT WAY . . . FOR YEARS, HARRY, but YOU NEVER KNEW! Did you? You worm.

Thing-Fish: Hmmm! Jes' like de Olympics!

Not Really Harry's Voice:

We had SPECIAL ATOMIC GLASSES made . . . by WOMEN OPTOMETRISTS who promised NEVER to TELL! We learned how to hide SECRET STUFF, wrapped up in the middle of those severe terminal BUNS we wear! Little TRANSMITTERS, HARRY! Little RECEIVERS! Oh . . . don't pretend to be surprised, HARRY! We even had ROOM LEFT OVER in there for all of our most favorite little embroidered delicate secretly feminine child-like helpless pathetic sentimental totally useless PERSONAL 'GIRL-THINGS' that smell like the stuff they put in the toilet paper. You played GOLF! You watched FOOTBALL! You drank BEER! We EVOLVED! We only look like WANDAS and RHONDAS! We are SUPERB, HARRY! We are SUBLIME! We are perfect in EVERY WAY! And you? What are you? You are the all-American cocksucker . . . jizzing all over your leather cocksucker costume after beating

FZ guitar, vocals Steve Vai impossible guitar parts Ray White vocals Tommy Mars keyboards Arthur Barrow bass Chad Wackerman drums Roy Estrada vocals Ike Willis vocals Bob Harris vocals Thing-Fish: Whiff it, Boy! Whiff it good, now! MAMMIES, step forward 'n try t'git on down wit dem BROADWAY ZOMBIES! Dis de closin' numbuh, now! MOSES! Git yo' brown ass ovuh heah! Leave de Colog-nuh alone fo' a minnit. Whyn'tcha go on 'n cornhole ya' some EVIL PRINCE! I B'lieve he done evolved to de point where he kin hannle it now! See dat? Uh-huh! Look like he severely enjoyin' it awready! Sound like he enjoyin' it, too! Wuh-Oh! I smells trubba! Look like he got de eeyah-noosht! Ain't no two ways about it. 'Fo y'all departs, I jes' wish to say in conclusium, as matters o' dis gravity gen'rally require some type o' philosomical post-scription, dat what y'all have witnessed heah tonight were a TRUE-STORY -- only de names o' de potatoes have been changed to protect de innocent. GALOOT CO-LOG-NUH! DON'T BUY IT, PEOPLES! Dis have been a public service ernouncemint. Wave good-night to de white folks, 'DEWLLA! Rhonda: SYMBOLISM, HARRY! Harry:

. . . not the stuff that 'Freckles' lets out!

SYMBOLISM. Really Modern, HARRY . ..

Rhonda:

Rhonda: Fuck that briefcases . . .

Harry: This is SYMBOLISM! Really deep, intense, thought-provoking Broadway

Harry: Take your hand off that chain, honey!

. . . not the briefcases . . .

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the CD booklet Johnny Guitar Watson asides on "He's So Gay" transcribed by Michael Pierry Corrections and additions by Román and Bossk (R) The parts on the CD that didn't appear on the original vinyl are printed this way And the parts on the original vinyl and not on the CD are printed this way

Francesco Zappa (Frank Zappa, November 1984) OPUS I 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11.

No. 1 1st Movement ANDANTE 3:28 2nd Movement ALLEGRO CON BRIO 1:27 No. 2 1st Movement ANDANTINO 2:14 2nd Movement MINUETTO GRAZIOSO 2:02 No. 3 1st Movement ANDANTINO 1:52 2nd Movement PRESTO 1:50 No. 4 1st Movement ANDANTE 2:20 2nd Movement ALLEGRO 3:02 No. 5 2nd Movement MINUETTO GRAZIOSO 2:26 No. 6 1st Movement LARGO 2:05 2nd Movement MINUET 2:01

OPUS IV 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17.

No. 1 1st Movement ANDANTINO 2:42 2nd Movement ALLEGRO ASSAI 1:58 No. 2+ 2nd Movement ALLEGRO ASSAI 1:17 No. 3 1st Movement ANDANTE 2:22 2nd Movement TEMPO DI MINUETTO 1:58 No. 4 1st Movement MINUETTO 2:07

(Francesco Zappa) Produced and orchestrated by Frank Zappa Synclavier document encryption: David Ocker Engineered by Bob Stone & Mark Pinske UMRK February-April, 1984 Cover painting by Donald Roller Wilson Collage by Gabrielle Raumberger Graphics by New Age Art Performed by The Barking Pumpkin Digital Gratification Consort (Frank Zappa, conductor)

All string trios composed by Francesco Zappa Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/

Mystery Disc (Frank Zappa, September 1998) (Originally from The Old Masters Box One, April 1985, and Box Two, November 1986) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20.

21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35.

Theme from "Run Home Slow" 1:23 Original Duke Of Prunes 1:17 Opening Night at "Studio Z" (Collage) 1:34 The Village Inn 1:17 Steal Away (Hughes) 3:43 I Was A Teen-Age Malt Shop 1:10 The Birth of Captain Beefheart 0:18 Metal Man Has Won His Wings 3:06 Power Trio from The Saints 'n Sinners 0:34 Bossa Nova Pervertamento 2:15 Excerpt from The Uncle Frankie Show 0:40 Charva 2:01 Speed-Freak Boogie 4:14 Original Mothers at The Broadside (Pomona) 0:55 Party Scene from "Mondo Hollywood" 1:54 Original Mothers Rehearsal 0:22 How Could I Be Such A Fool? 1:49 Band introductions at The Fillmore West 1:10 Plastic People (Berry/FZ) 1:58 Original Mothers at Fillmore East 0:50 Why Don'tcha Do Me Right? 2:40 (vinyl only) (on Absolutely Free) Big Leg Emma 2:32 (vinyl only) (on Absolutely Free) Harry, You're A Beast 0:30 Don Interrupts 4:39 Piece One 2:26 Jim/Roy 4:04 Piece Two 6:59 Agency Man 3:25 Agency Man (Studio Version) 3:27 Lecture from Festival Hall Show 0:21 Wedding Dress Song/The Handsome Cabin Boy (Trad., arr. by FZ) 2:36 Skweezit Skweezit Skweezit 2:57 The Story of Willie The Pimp 1:33 Black Beauty 5:23 Chucha 2:47 Mothers at KPFK 3:26 Harmonica Fun 0:41 All tracks produced by Frank Zappa 1998 CD re-issue credits: Aditional liner notes: G. Whillikens Package design & Switzerland: Cal Schenkel Graphic Engineer: Steven Jurgensmeyer Archival Ephemera: David Baker Key Witness: Jill Christiansen Keening: Gail Zappa Mastered by Toby Mountain

1. Theme from "Run Home Slow" The Lost Episodes You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 Art Laboe's Original Sound Studios, LA 1963

(And so dear to me) Had a swell time (And each year that I have known you, my love) I knew (I've needed you more) I knew that my granny would be there (Each day, each hour, each minute) Because I had a crush on her (It's pathetic, my darling) Granny knew that I smoke Pall Mall (To note . . . ) 4. The Village Inn

2. Original Duke Of Prunes Absolutely Free Mothermania Orchestral Favorites Läther Art Laboe's Original Sound Studios, LA 1963

3. Opening Night at "Studio Z" includes a quote from Louie Louie (Richard Berry) Studio Z, Cucamonga, CA August 1, 1964 voices: Don Van Vliet Laurie Ray Collins Motorhead Bob Narciso Oh, I smoked a Pall Mall Yes, I did Oh, yeah Sssh . . . Motorhead: Oh, you can't fall on the floor, you know? You know, I make like I'm down on the floor, you know . . . (DO-DO-DODOH!) Hah hah . . . (LOUIE LOUIE!) Oh, yeah, I was out screwing this broad one time, we was in the car, you know, I had the radio turned down a little bit. Some shitty commercial came on. (DOOT DOOT!) She started telling about her, her girlfriends, you know they would go in the bathroom someplace, not at, at school, you know, at a gas station or something like that. And they would compare each other's box, man, and uh, compare tits and all this shit, and they'd tell how their boyfriends screwed 'em and all this stuff, you know, how exciting it was. I was screwing this girl and she was telling me all this shit Don Van Vliet: Ha ha ha! ?: Well, I'm waiting . . . FZ: Get the rubber hose Bob: Damn, I give this guy a ride, ha ha! You know, EEEEH! and stopped his car, and, hey hey hey, where you goin', eh? Wanna ride? Motorhead: Sort of lost the, the desire to screw her after all that shit. Went to the nearest supermarket (And all you will mean to me in the future) Stole a Hank magazine (And each time) Went home (I think of those lovely eyes) Ate some jello (I think. of your smile that is so true) And had a mellow mellow mellow . . . muelo

The Village Inn, Sun Village, CA Early 1965 Emcee: Ladies and gentlemen, do you like the band? Audience: Oh . . . no! Yeah! Emcee: Uh? I wanna hear more than that! Do you like the band? Audience: Yeah! . . . We love it . . . Yeah! Little Mary: Yes, we like the band, but we don't like you. Now, get off! Emcee: Well, Little Mary, we like you! Audience: Yeah! Toby?: Hey, John, you know what, she has been doin' that song Emcee: Well, ladies and gentlemen [...] we can't do [...] we only have 'bout twenty minutes . . . Band Member: [...] she was singin' before Emcee: Twenty minutes before closing time. And we appreciate your patronage and we hope you will be back, because each and every weekend after the [...] is over, we are going to have many attractions that will enter the Village Inn! So we would like each and every one's collaboration, and have a good time and enjoy yourselves. Let's give the band another hand! Toby on drums, Frankie Zappo on guitar, and our own Johnny Franklin on bass! 5. Steal Away (Jimmy Hughes) The Village Inn, Sun Village, CA Early 1965 Cora--vocals FZ--guitar Motorhead--tenor sax Johnny Franklin--bass Toby--drums I've got to see you Somehow Not tomorrow Right now I know it's late Oh, I can't wait Come on and steal away Please, steal away Now don't start thinking Trying to make up your mind Your folks are sleeping Let's not waste any time I know it's late Oh, I can't wait Come on and steal away Please, steal away I know it's wrong Asking this of you There's no other way I can be with you If only your folks Would approve

Things like these We wouldn't have to do Oh, I won't tell Anybody else I'll keep it to myself I know it's late Oh, I can't wait Come on, and steal away Please, steal away I know it's wrong Asking this of you There's no other way I can be with you If only your folks Would approve Things like these We wouldn't have to do Oh, I won't tell Anybody else I'll keep it to myself I know it's late Oh, I can't wait Come on, steal away Please, steal away 'Cause I need you Yes I do Oh, by my side Yes, yeah 'Cause I need you 6. I Was A Teen-age Malt Shop Studio Z, Cucamonga, CA Late 1964 Don Van Vliet--vocals FZ--piano Motorhead--acoustic guitar Vic Mortenson--drums I was a Teen-age Malt Shop! Ha ha! 7. The Birth of Captain Beefheart Studio Z, Cucamonga, CA Late 1964 Don Van Vliet--vocals Hello, there, kids, it's your old friend Captain Beefheart! You know, me, the magic man, invisible, and all that jazz, ha! Flies through time and space, dimension warp, all that rhythm. Well, anyway uh, I'm here tonight to tell you that we have a heck-of-a-little teenage opera for you. You're really gonna dig it, mmmh, yeah, it's really groovy! 8. Metal Man Has Won His Wings Pal Studio, Cucamonga, CA c. March, 1964 Don Van Vliet--vocals FZ--guitar Alex Snouffer--guitar? Unknown (probably Janschi)--bass Vic Mortenson--drums

Wheet! Wheet! Wheet! Wheet! Wheet! Wheet! Wheet! Wheet! Wheet! Yaah, Band aids! Metal Man! Dirty water! Spoilin' me! Spoilin'! Spoilin'! Turpentine! Styrofoam! [...] Water [...]! Crowbar! Chlorine! Death stroke! Mojo! (Woo-hoo!) Yeah, aaah! Watch out! Look out! Water spout! Don't shout! Chin clout! Look out! Ah-ah! Woo-hoo! Yeah. Yeah . . . Work out! Work out! Truck-out! Water spout! Water snout! Bubblin' brook! Water spout! Bubblin' brook! Work out! I'm the cook! I'm the cook! I'm the cook! Work out! Don't shout! Water spout! Look out! Water spout! Water spout! Twist and shout! Twist and shout! Metal Men! Metal Men! Iron men! The Living Gun! Hit the nostrils! Make money! Metal Men! Work out! Froze over! Silent mandroid! Don't! Don't! Now, woman, Metal Men, Hawkman, 'Lectro-flyer, Announcement, Has won his wings! Has won his wings! Has won his wings! Has won his wings!

Wheet! Wheet! Wheet! Wheet! Wheet! Wheet! Wheet! Wheet! Wheet! Wheet! Band aids, band aids, band aids! FZ: Let it roll, take another one . . . Just the track this time 9. Power Trio from The Saints 'n Sinners The Saints 'N Sinners, Ontario, CA c. 1964 FZ--guitar Les Papp--drums Paul Woods--bass

10. Bossa Nova Pervertamento Studio Z, Cucamonga, CA March 25, 1965

Charva, my darling The only love I had I hope you will forgive me, dear For punching out your dad I loved you, I loved you And I don't know what in the world I'm gonna do about it Ooohh-oh-oooh Lahm-buh-buhm-buhm I remember, remember the junior prom And I remember the time I broke your father's arm And I remember, remember all the love we shared Every place and everywhere Oh Charva, Charva I love you more and more I swear it ain't because your father owns a liquor store Charva, my baby I love you and I don't know what to do about it Oh-oh Charva Ooooohh oh-oh Charva Ooooohh, come back my little darling Charva I love you so much, honey Come back to me, Charva Please Charva, please come back . . . 13. Speed-Freak Boogie

FZ--acoustic guitar Bobby Saldana--bass Les Papp--drums

Pal Studio, Cucamonga, CA c. 1963 FZ--speeded-up lead and rhythm guitar Doug Moon--rhythm acoustic guitar

11. Excerpt from The Uncle Frankie Show College Radio Prob. KSPC, Pomona College, Claremont, CA c. 1960

14. Original Mothers at The Broadside Jam from Louisiana Blues (Morganfield)

FZ--d.j., piano The Broadside, Pomona c. May, 1965

Here's another thing that you can do on the piano, if you have one around. If you get tired of playing "Home On The Range," by colors uh, you have to learn two different kinds of backgrounds. You can do 'em both in the key of C and you'll be alright. The first one is like this ... That one's pretty easy to master, and then there's another one which isn't too tricky either . . . Now, those uh, backgrounds, those two backgrounds will work for, oh, I think it's a total of fifteen thousand different rock'n'roll songs that you can all sing at parties. 12. Charva The Lost Episodes

FZ--guitar Ray Collins--tambourine Roy Estrada--bass Jimmy Carl Black--drums Yeah! 15. Party Scene from "Mondo Hollywood" Mondo Hollywood shooting c. 1965 FZ--guitar Ray Collins--tambourine, vocals Roy Estrada--bass Jimmy Carl Black--drums

Pal Studio, Cucamonga, CA c. 1963 FZ--vocals, piano, bass, drums Charva, I loved you I loved you through and through I loved you since in grammar school When we were sniffing glue I loved you purty baby doll And I don't know what in the world to do about it Boppa-bah-boppa-choo-wah

16. Original Mothers Rehearsal Seward St. Studio, Los Angeles, CA Early 1966 FZ--voice Ray Collins--voice

Roy Estrada--bass, voice Jimmy Carl Black--drums, voice Ray: Oh, rock, rock! Roy?: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Rock, rock! Ray: Hey, you know . . . you heard that bop-bop-bop bop . . . You notice there's ever been that bop bop-bop-bop bop-bop-chu-bop Roy: I thought it was Bill Haley, I thought it was Bill Haley & The Comets JCB?: It was, I-I, I couldn't remember the words . . . 17. How Could I Be Such A Fool? Joe's Corsage Freak Out! Cruising With Ruben & The Jets FZ:OZ

Ray Collins--introductions Bill Graham--announcement Ray: Like to introduce the band: The Pachuco over there on '37 Chevy is Roy Estrada, on blankets Cherokee Jim Black, on rhythm guitar with a white light blue triangles behind him, Elliot Bro-Ingber, I'm Ray Collins, and this is Mother Superior Frank Zappa. Bill Graham: One of the big advantages of having these people on the stage is that they're one of the few groups of this kind that you can listen to, turn on to, and then dance to. This evening we're gonna listen, if you want to, if during the first set you want to dance, use the corners or use the stage if you like. After Lenny we're gonna clear away most of these chairs and, do what you like. Everybody's relatives, The Mothers! 19. Plastic People (music: Richard Berry; lyrics: Frank Zappa)

Seward St. Studio, Los Angeles, CA Early 1966

Joe's Corsage Absolutely Free Mothermania You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1

FZ--guitar, vocals Ray Collins--vocals Roy Estrada--bass Jimmy Carl Black--drums

based on Louie Louie (Richard Berry) Fillmore Auditorium, San Francisco, CA June 24-25, 1966

When I won your love I was very glad Every happiness in the world Belonged to me Then our love was lost And you went away Now I shed my tears In lonely misery I know now that you never ever Really loved me It hurts me now to think you never ever Really cared I sit and ask myself a thousand times To try and find What really happened To the love That we shared How could I be such a fool How could I believe All those lies you told me How could I be taken in By your sweet face You spoiled our love You ruined my life I'm so tore down I'm a terrible disgrace But there will come a time And you'll regret the way You treated me As if I was a fool And didn't know The many times you lied About your love for me Someone else is gonna know That your love is just a show 18. Band introductions from The Fillmore West Fillmore Auditorium, San Francisco, CA June 24-25, 1966

FZ--lead guitar, lead vocals Ray Collins--tambourine, vocals Elliot Ingber--rhythm guitar Roy Estrada--bass Jimmy Carl Black--drums Plastic people You gotta go Plastic people You gotta go Three nights and days I walk the streets This town is full Of plastic creeps Their shoes are brown To match their suits They got no balls They got no roots . . . because they're Plastic people You gotta go (Sure gonna miss ya) Plastic people You gotta go 20. Original Mothers at Fillmore East Fillmore East, NYC April 19, 1968 FZ--guitar, vocals Ray Collins--tambourine, vocals Roy Estrada--bass, vocals Don Preston--keyboards, electronics Ian Underwood--keyboards, woodwinds Bunk Gardner--woodwinds Motorhead--baritone sax

Jimmy Carl Black--drums Art Tripp--drums PEEP! POO-AHHH . . . PEEEP! POOO-ARGggggH . . . FZ: Please, won't somebody go to bed with Jimmy Carl Black. A desperate Indian if ever I've seen one! 21. Harry, You're A Beast We're Only In It For The Money Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol 1 Make A Jazz Noise Here Tracks 21-26: Royal Festival Hall, London October 25, 1968 FZ Guitar & Vocals Ian Underwood Alto Sax & Piano Bunk Gardner Tenor Sax & Clarinet Euclid James Motorhead Sherwood Baritone Sax & Tambourine Roy Estrada Bass & Vocals Don Preston Electric Piano & Odd Noises Arthur Dyer Tripp III Drums & Percussion Jimmy Carl Black Drums assisted by members of The BBC Symphony Orchestra

22. Don Interrupts Ahead Of Their Time ?: Donnie! Bunk: Hey, put that down! Art: What are you doin', man? Bunk: We're tryin' to do some serious . . . (FZ: They're tellin' it's bullshit and stop it) Art: What the fuck is this! Ian: Don, why are you interrupting our beautiful piece? Don: Silence, you fools . . . (FZ: Ha ha ha! No, Donnie, more conviction!) Don: SILENCE, you fools! Don't you believe in PROGRESS? Bunk: Take that progress and stick it under a ROCK. He have to. Don: We must overthrow the diatonic system. (FZ: Yes.) Art: Bullshit. Don: We're coming to the beginning of a NEW ERA wherein the development of the inner self will be the most important factor. Ian: Donnie, your music is full of shit, and besides that it ain't disciplined. Don: Listen . . . Bunk: Give me four-four. Art: Togetherness. Bunk: Yeah. Ian: Some old melodies. Don: Look, playing . . . Art: Put on a tie! Don: Playing that kind of music and eating meat . . . will never, you'll never be able to see my aura then. Art: I've seen your aura a lot, and it really stinks. Bunk: You've been drinking, Don Ian: I can hear your aura and it's bad, man. Play any more Bunk: Discipline, you need discipline. Don: No . . . Bunk: Four-four.

Don: It's got to be new, it's got to progress, it's got to evolve. THERE MUST BE GROWTH! Bunk: Ah, man. My goodness . . . Don: You've got to eat macrobiotic food. (FZ: We're doing a play.) Don: And study astrology. Delve into the occult world. Ian: Well you can delve all you want but we're formin' a new group . . . go, go and do you some yoga exercises. Don: Look. Ian: Take care of business there. Don: Mark my words . . . If you continue playing this music something strange may happen. Bunk: Don't threaten me . . . (FZ: By the end of the first show . . . ) Don: By the end of the first show . . . No, the second show. FZ: So, at this point in the development of our plot the three talented members of the Mothers of Invention have quit the group to form their own band with a lot of discipline. (Art: Yeah.) FZ: This is what we need, it's a nice disciplined combo! FZ: And so that they would be completely packaged and fit in with the rest of the disciplined combo, the former members of the Mothers of Invention receive their initiation into the robot musical world. Don: This makes me nervous I'm gonna go do some yoga. Ian: Yeah, you'd better. FZ: This is Euclid Motorhead Sherwood. Motorhead: What's he doin', Ian? Ian: He's nervous 'cause he couldn't play with our new group. Motorhead: Oh, that's nice, look at all those suits. FZ: Motorhead covets the uniforms of the other band. And also shows some interest in the bum of Underwood. Ian: Ayyyy Motorhead: Hey, ten years ago I knew a lot of guys that had suits like these. They're really nice. Hey can I play in the band and get a suit like that too? Ian: No! Motorhead: But I like the suits and I can play good. I can play . . . I can play anything. Ensemble: BOO! BOO! BOO! FZ: Motorhead is lying. He can't play good, he can't play anything. He's trying to con his way into the other band. He knows they don't want him. Bunk: I heard you play before. Motorhead: But I got practicing and play good. Ian: No discipline. FZ: He's lying. He hasn't been practicing, he doesn't do shit. Bunk: Ask me you couldn't even count to four. Art: Come on, beat it, man. Motorhead: You can't do that to me, I'll fix you. Art: Go ahead. Motorhead: I'll get into your band. I'll get into your band. Bunk: Okay Motorhead, just get out of the way. Motorhead: You can't stop me, I'll get in there somehow. Ian: Take a walk, you fruit. Motorhead: There's no way you can stop me, I bet ya! FZ: Motorhead explains to the members of the Robot Combo that nothing can stop him, he will join their group whether they like it or not.

23. Piece One Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 200 Motels Orchestral Favorites London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II

24. Jim/Roy Ahead Of Their Time Burnt Weeny Sandwich includes Holiday In Berlin JCB: What's goin' on here? I thought we were gonna play a Rock & Roll concert. Ian: Rock & Roll? I, I already quit the Mothers. JCB: How are you gonna get laid if you dont play rock & roll and drink beer? You get laid after the concert if you play rock & roll, this kind of crap you're not gonna, you're not gonna get laid anyway with that uniform on. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna quit I'm gonna go out and hustle me some chick, the hell with you. Ian: Jimmy, you need some discipline. JCB: I'm leaving the group. Ensemble: Boo! Boo! FZ: Jimmy Carl, I must inform you, I must inform you, Jimmy Carl, for your own good, that here in London you're not gonna get any pussy unless you look like a popstar. Fix him up! . . . Mod Jacket . . . (JCB: Oh Jeezus . . . ) FZ: Frilly Mod Neckpiece, Jimi Hendrix wig, and a Feather Boa. JCB: WAAAAAAAAAAHHH! FZ: Jimmy Carl Black enters the audience to hustle some young ladies. And if you're really lucky, get something for the robots . . . Mmmm, their little mechanical things are going up and down, up and down . . . Roy: Domino, Domino, Domino Biz-bo-OH, Domino Biz-bo-OH, Amen, Domino Biz-bo, Hallelujah, eh . . . Ian: Et cum spiritu tuo . . . Roy: Ian, I dont think I qualify for the Mothers (FZ: They're making up their lines as they go along, isn't it thrilling?) Roy: I think I'm holding the group back because I'm a MEXICAN. And also because I don't play bass good. Ian: I don't care how you can play bass but we have NO MEXICANS in this group. Roy: And I wanna join your group. Ian: No Mexicans! Roy: I can sing opera, I have already quit, I cut my hair, I got all my shit together here. I can do it. Ian: I don't care how you look you gotta be able to cut the part. Roy: I can sing. Please. Please, Ian, give me a CHANCE. Ian: I don't believe you can sing. Roy: Ah, PLEASE! Ah, Ian, PLEASE, IAN! Please! Ian: Okay Mexican Roy: Please? Ian: Okay Mexican Roy: Okay. Ian: Sing this note: Roy (with JCB): You think everything gonna be alright.

Ian: Okay. You passed the first part of your audition. Now you gotta sing . . . Roy: Mi, mi, mi, mi . . . Poo-lah Poo-la-ah poo-lah Poo-da poo-lah poo-lah poo-oo-lah Wee-ooo-wee-ooo-eee-eee-ooo-ooo Ah-ah-ah ah-aaah-ah-aaah Aa-aa-ah aa-ah Wee-ooo-wee-ooo Aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aah Ensemble: BOOH! BOOH! FZ: The rejected Mexican pope leaves the stage. 25. Piece Two Ahead Of Their Time 200 Motels Orchestral Favorites London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II Ensemble: TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE ONE, TWO, THREE . . . FZ: Motorhead is attempting to join the band . . . Undaunted, the band plays on . . . Meanwhile, the snack enters the mind of Dom DeWild. Ensemble: ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE FZ: It's the macro-biotic food. Don: HA HA HA HA HA! Ensemble: THREE! FOUR! . . . TWO! TWO! FZ: While the well disciplined Ian Underwood plays his piano solo. Dom DeWild, transformed, begins to sneak up on him. Ensemble: BOOH . . . BOOH . . . BOOH . . . 26. Agency Man Ahead Of Their Time The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc includes Epilogue Sell us a president, agency man Smiling Big Brother, stern father perhaps

Sell us a president, agency man A gay smiling nothing we know never craps We'll sell him in the movies On the tube throughout the year We'll sell him by the buckets To the Okies drinking beer We'll teach him how to walk and talk We'll putty up his chin We'll print his picture everywhere Of course the SCHMUCK will win From the heart of old Death Valley To the ruling of our land A simple trick, you simple pigs Just the way we planned 27. Agency Man (Studio Version) Ahead Of Their Time The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc includes a quote from the Ballad of the Green Berets (Sadler/Moore) Apostolic Studios, NYC December, 1967-February, 1968 FZ guitar/vocals Ray Collins vocals Roy Estrada bass/vocals Don Preston keyboards/electronics Ian Underwood keyboards/alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Art Tripp drums

To the Okies drinking beer We'll teach him how to walk and talk We'll putty up his chin We'll print his picture everywhere Of course the SCHMUCK will win FZ: You gotta, you gotta sing, "Of course the schmuck will win" on the end. Ray: Yeah . . . Roy: Take it, Don. Ray: . . . that sounds kind of funny if we're rumpa-pumping and then we stop and go uh, "Of course the schmuck will win." FZ: Yeah, it's a little funny. People are a lot of pigs They're greedy and they're dumb I'm sure that's just a simple truth Look how far he's come! From the heart of old Death Valley To the ruling of our land A simple trick, you simple pigs Just the way we planned 28. Lecture Royal Festival Hall, London October 25, 1968 FZ: Mothers Of Invention have spent many long hours in rehearsal trying to perfect their musical technique which they hope that you will enjoy, but if you don't enjoy it, go fuck yourself . . . AND, as I said, it's a problem in semantics. You have to understand what I mean when I tell you to go . . . 29. Wedding Dress Song/The Handsome Cabin Boy (trad. arr. Zappa)

Sell us a president, agency man Smiling Big Brother, stern father perhaps Sell us a president, agency man A gay smiling nothing we know never craps

Joe's Corsage The Lost Episodes

One, two, three, four!

Apostolic Studios, NYC December, 1967-February, 1968

When he's closed the schools And burned the books the way we've planned We'll get the press together And the Barry Sadler Band!

includes Handsome Cabin Boy (Trad.)

FZ guitar, bass Art Tripp marimba, vibes Don Preston keyboards Jimmy Carl Black drums

(Another one! . . . Rousing, mmh . . . ) When he's closed the schools And burned the books the way we've planned We'll get the press together And the Barry Sadler Band! With lots to drink from 9 o'clock They'll all be bombed by 10 We'll reveal he's bound for Washington And sell him once again! FZ: Okay! Ray: That ending-- That ending comes up like ransa-pransa-prance ... FZ: Okay, now the next ransa-pransa . . . Go! One, two . . . We'll sell him in the movies On the tube throughout the year We'll sell him by the buckets

30. Skweezit Skweezit Skweezit You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 The Ballroom, Stratford, Connecticut February 16, 1969 FZ lead guitar/vocal Lowell George guitar/vocal Roy Estrada bass/vocal Don Preston keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax

Jimmy Carl Black drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 Thee Image, Miami, Florida February 7-8, 1969

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh, Oh, Oh Little right there, little right there, oh, a little right there! Right there, oh-oh! Right there, oh! Ah! Ah! . . . Ah-h-h-h . . .

FZ guitar/vocals Lowell George guitar/vocals Roy Estrada bass/vocals Don Preston keyboards/electronics Ian Underwood keyboards/alto sax Buzz Gardner trumpet Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Art Tripp drums

More, more, more, more, more, More, more, more, more, more, More, more, more, more, more, More, more, more, more, more . . . Oh . . . oh, God! More, more, mo-mo-mo-mo-more, mo-mo-more! Yeah! He's had enough, he's had enough! Bwah-hah-ha-hah, gettin' off, gettin' off! Bwah-hah-ha-hah, gettin' off, gettin' off! Bwoh-hoh-ha-hah, more! Oh God, oh God, oh more . . . more . . . Oh, God, oh, God! Touch it! Touch it! Touch it! Touch it! Skweezit! Skweezit! 31. The Story Of Willie The Pimp NYC September, 1972 voices: Annie Zannas Cynthia Dobson Annie?: "Son-of-a-bitch, you did this one, you did that one," he told me FZ: How could you do this to him? Annie?: I told him that I did something and I was happy for doing it, you know, I'm happy now, I don't care, you know, what you think. "You are happy? I'm more happy than anyone" he said; meanwhile, he's sittin' there completely miserable, tellin' me that he's more happy than the whole house put together, he has more intelligence than the whole house put together, and he's sitting there with his dumb words, "Oh, you son-of-a-bitch, you're a schmuck and you're a schmuck," nothing, you know, nice about people, 'cause all people is shitty to him, you know, and I tried to explain to, I says, but they're not, you know? It's just how you take 'em, I mean, he's . . . FZ: Why do you call him 'Willie The Pimp'? Annie?: Oh, because we, just imagined uh, him . . . wait-Cynthia?: The Lido Hotel. Annie?: Oh, yeah, the Lido Hotel, this perverted hotel in Coney Island, really perverted. So we made up this story about my mother um , ha-ha, calling up Willie telling that we're a woman uh, body shapes ah, 38-25-40 or something like that, some bizarre shape, blonde hair and all decked out insanely and um, tell him to meet us in front of the uh, Lido Hotel. And, ha-ha, then we, what we were gonna do, if we really would do this, like we'll make sure, we'll see him like, you know, casually leave the house at this certain time and we'll know that, you know, he's leaving to meet this woman, that's not gonna be there. Then we'll have my mother walk by, and see how she's gonna take it, right? You know, like, "Stella, what're you doing here? No! You gotta get away!" You know, how is he gonna tell my mother that he's gonna meet this broad or something, you know? So we made him a pimp, that he gotta pimp my mother off, then he tried to pimp us off . . . 32. Black Beauty

POO-AHH! Huh! 33. Chucha Criteria Studios, Miami, Florida February?, 1969 FZ guitar/vocals Lowell George guitar/vocals Roy Estrada bass/vocals Don Preston keyboards/electronics Ian Underwood keyboards/alto sax Buzz Gardner trumpet Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Art Tripp drums Chucha Why won't you accept my proposal? Don't you know I'm at your disposal Ooh my Chucha Chucha Why won't you accept my proposal? Don't you know I'm at your disposal Chu-cha Accept my proposal Accept my proposal 'Cause I'm at your disposal 'Cause I'm at your disposal Accept my proposal Accept my proposal Chucha my darling For me Your love is fine All of the time I feel your heartbeat Real close to mine My darling dear Please never leave me Please never go Please don't deceive me Girl don't you know My darling dear

Your love is mine All of the time I feel your heartbeat Real close to mine My darling dear Please never leave me Please never go Please don't . . . 34. Mothers At KPFK KPFK Studios, LA Early 1968 voices: Roy Estrada Don Preston Ian Underwood Bunk Gardner Motorhead Sherwood Jimmy Carl Black Art Tripp Bunk: I'd like to dedicate an ode to Joe [Letanzi] who played third base for the North-American Italian Club: Oh, Joe . . . JCB: Oh, Joe! Joe, Roy. Oh, Joe . . . Art: Where you going with that thing in your pants? Bunk: This is Bunk Sweet Pants Gardner JCB: Sock it to him, guy! Bunk: Why don't you step out here and pack it to me, Art? Glistening white skin, Art! JCB: Roy, what did Frank always say? He said we could say anything we want to, didn't he? Art: Corn on that cob . . . JCB: You'd better take care of all those kids, especially Geronimo, Darrell, Gary . . . Roy: Ay, Indio, Indio . . . ?: Kim JCB: Gina, and Kim Roy: I'm here from Calif, ay! JCB: Calif, California! ?: Calif! Oh, man! JCB: All right, Santa Ana , California Ian: Roy and Jim have a special uh, kind of form of communication . . . To Illustrate this point that we'll now have a conversation between Roy and Jim . . . JCB: I refuse! Ian: As if, as if it was happening in the back seat of a car in San Francisco JCB: How 'bout you? Roy: How 'bout you? JCB: How 'bout you? . . . Pink? Roy: Yeah JCB: Sure? Roy: Mhm! JCB: Mhm-hm-mhm! Roy: Estáis loco, indio! JCB: Caray, hombre! Roy: Estás loco

JCB: Estás loco, estás loco Roy: Wannanenema? Wannanenema? Art: The recipe is available by mail Wanna wanna wannanenema Yeah-nema WOAHH! RAY COLLINS, WE LOVE YOU Ian: We'll never forget you Roy: No Ian: We'll never forget you Hratche Plche Hratche Plche Hratche Plche Hratche Plche (American way!) Hratche Plche Hratche Plche (Ray Ray Ray . . . ) Hratche Plche Hratche Plche (Help, I'm a rock!) Hratche Plche Hratche Plche Hratche Plche Hratche Plche (Ray Ray Ray . . . ) Ian: Now, ladies and gentlemen, Don Preston Don: I have an organ, a piano, a harpsichord uh, uh, forty-five oscillators and uh, that's my instruments. Bunk: I've got a uh, bass clarinet, and a clarinet, and a piccolo, and a flute and an alto flute, and a tenor and an alto, and a soprano, and a chanter, and a C melody. Art: I have a low cowbell, and a hi cowbell ?: Oh, Art! ?: You never heard about that, did you? Art: I have a snare drum and I have a hi tom tom and a low tom tom, I have four melody horns, and they go beep, and I have a slapstick which Don Preston graciously gave to me Don: And caresses now. Art: And it goes pap, and uh, then I have Ga-, Bunk Gardner, and whenever I goose him, he goes 'Bunk'. Bunk Bunk Bunk! Bunk Bunk! Ian: The other half of the percussion section is Jimmy Carl Black who plays . . . JCB: I have a red set of drums. How you doin' Gary! Ian: And when, and when the whole band gets together, and plays all these wonderful instruments it sounds like this . . . 35. Harmonica Fun includes Oh! Susanna (Foster) KPFK Studios, LA Early 1968 Play the harmonica . . .

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Transcription by Román with lots of contributions, corrections and additions by Biffyshrew, Bossk (R), Patrick Neve, Michael Gula, Ed Flinn and Charles Ulrich The "Progress?" dialog not in Ahead Of Their Time is printed this way.

4

Frank Zappa Meets The Mothers Of Prevention (Frank Zappa, LP, Barking Pumpkin ST-74203, November 21, 1985) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

I Don't Even Care (FZ/Watson) 4:39 One Man, One Vote 2:35 Little Beige Sambo 3:02 Aerobics In Bondage 3:16 We're Turning Again 4:55 Alien Orifice 4:10 Yo Cats (FZ/Mariano) 3:33 What's New In Baltimore? 5:20 Porn Wars 12:05 H.R. 2911 3:35 Produced by Frank Zappa Engineered by Bob Stone Live recordings engineer Mark Pinske Computer Assistant Bob Rice Maintenance by Arthur 'Midget' Sloatman Studio: UMRK Art direction & design Chris Whorf & Jeffery Fey Illustration: John Dearstyne Voices: Frank Zappa, Johnny "Guitar" Watson, Ike "Thing-Fish" Willis, Ray White, Bobby Martin, Moon, Dweezil, Senator Danforth (R-Missouri), Senator Hollings (D-South Carolina), Senator Trible (R-Virginia), Senator Hawkins (R-Florida), Senator Exon (DNebraska), Senator Gorton (R-Washington), Senator Gore (D-Tennessee), Tipper Gore, Reverend Jeff Ling, Spider Barbour, All Nite John, Monica Guitars: Frank Zappa, Johnny "Guitar" Watson, Steve Vai, Ray White, Ike Willis Keyboards: Tommy Mars, Bobby Martin Bass: Scott Thunes, Arthur Barrow (uncredited) Drums: Chad Wackerman Percussion: Ed Mann Synclavier: Frank Zappa

1. I Don't Even Care 4:39 (Zappa/Watson) Basic track: soundcheck c. 1981-82 Johnny "Guitar" Watson--lead guitar & lead vocals FZ--guitar, vocals Ike Willis--guitar?, vocals Steve Vai--guitar? Ray White--guitar, vocals Bobby Martin--vocals? Arthur Barrow--bass (over-dubbed) Chad Wackerman--drums Would ya b'lieve it Uh-huh, don't even care Uh-huh, listen! I said (I-I-I-I) Talkin' 'bout this evenin' (DON'T EVEN CARE) So let me tell you why this evenin' Listen! Not enough have been said (I-I-I-I) About the white, the blue and the red (DON'T EVEN CARE) So everybody just a-runnin' off scared And I, OW! A'll tell you that (I-I-I-I) Talkin' 'bout ME, y'all (DON'T EVEN CARE) I don't even care No I don't, no I don't Listen! Standin' in the bread line (I-I-I-I) Everybody lyin' an' lyin' (DON'T EVEN CARE) Ain't nobody doin' fine O-OW! Let me tell you why I said, OW! (I-I-I-I) I'm talkin' 'bout I Don't even . . . (DON'T EVEN CARE) Don't give me no incentives Don't give me no incentives I know you know what I'm talkin' 'bout (I-I-I-I) Uh-huh, yeah! (DON'T EVEN CARE) Oh no, I don't Now listen . . . Everybody's sayin' be big hearted (I-I-I-I) Everybody's sayin' be big hearted (DON'T EVEN CARE) How in the world has this mess got started I never know, never know got started OW! (I-I-I-I) Yes sir! I don't even care (DON'T EVEN CARE) Uh-huh, yes sir! (I-I-I-I) (DON'T EVEN CARE) (I-I-I-I) Help me! Uh-huh (DON'T EVEN CARE) Don't care no more Don't you . . . don't you know! (I-I-I-I)

Everybody's doin' line in tellin' them lies 'n They want me to b'lieve it! (DON'T EVEN CARE) Everybody's tryin' to offer me somethin' Ain't nothin' I need to live I said (I-I-I-I) Yeah! I don't even . . . (DON'T EVEN CARE) No no I don't Ha-tch-tch-tch-tch (I-I-I-I) Ha-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch (DON'T EVEN CARE) Uh-huh, now listen, now ain't that som'thin' - oof! I said (I-I-I-I) Alright (DON'T EVEN CARE) Lemme tell you why What was whole Now what was whole (I-I-I-I) What was whole is . . . is just less than half (DON'T EVEN CARE) What was whole is less than half Lemme tell you OW! (I-I-I-I) Hey, you can't hold on to it 'cause it ain't gonna last! (DON'T EVEN CARE) Would you listen to me baby? I'm just talkin' 'bout (I-I-I-I) OW! (DON'T EVEN CARE) Shit, I don't care! Listen! I said now (I-I-I-I) Uh-huh (DON'T EVEN CARE) So listen, lemme tell ya The cow used to jump over the moon! An' I ain't jumpin' over the fence! (I-I-I-I) Is that cold? It don't make no sense doin' it (DON'T EVEN CARE) OW! Yep, that's the reason! That's the reason! That's the reason! OW! (I just don't care!) (I-I-I-I) Uh-huh (No no no!) (DON'T EVEN CARE) Say, look, they thought he was a man in the moon, I wonder if it wasn't a woman (Just don't care! Yeah yeah hey!) I said (I-I-I-I) YEAH! (Well well hey) (DON'T EVEN CARE) Somethin' in the mornin' I don't care in the evenin' I don't care at night (No no, I just don't care, I said that . . . ) (I-I-I-I) Is that what you b'lieve they're tryin' to send me up to fix the satellite (Oh no . . . ) (DON'T EVEN CARE) OW! No good! (AAAAAAAH!) Listen, talkin' 'bout (I-I-I-I) (Said I don't care) (DON'T EVEN CARE)

Woh! No, I don't this evenin' (No I don't! I don't care! Yeah! Sayin' that) (I-I-I-I) (You know I said, I . . . ) (DON'T EVEN CARE) Oh no . . . ha ha . . . Oh lord! (Oh no, tell you, I don't really . . . ) (I-I-I-I) Somebody better hold me this evenin' (Say it again) 'Cause I don't even care (DON'T EVEN CARE) (Want you to know, want you . . . know that I said . . . ) Hold me tight, hold me tight, hold me tight this evenin' 'cause (I-I-I-I) B'lieve it! (Tell ya what, tell ya what, I don't) (DON'T EVEN CARE) Lord, I'm waiting to pull in guitar, Frank OW! 2. One Man, One Vote 2:35 FZ--Synclavier

3. Little Beige Sambo 3:02 FZ--Synclavier

4. Aerobics In Bondage 3:16 FZ--Synclavier

5. We're Turning Again 4:55

• Have I Offended Someone? • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 includes little quotes from Sunshine Of Your Love (Brown/Bruce/Clapton), Purple Haze (Hendrix), Light My Fire (The Doors) and Monday, Monday (Phillips) Basic track: Santa Monica Civic Auditorium December 11, 1981 FZ--guitar, vocals Ike Willis--vocals Steve Vai--guitar Ray White--guitar, vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards, vocals Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again

They took a whole bunch of acid So they could see where it's at (It's over there, over there, Over there, over there And under here also) Doont, da-doodem doodem! They lived on a whole bunch of nothing They thought they looked very good They'd never ever worry They were always in a hurry To convince themselves that what they were Was really very groovy Yes, they believed in all the papers And the magazines that defined their folklore They could never laugh At who or what they thought they were Or even what they thought They sorta oughta be They were totally empty (Totally empty) And their lives were really useless So what the fuck? They didn't have no sense of humor (Oodly-oodly-yeah!) Now they got nothing left To laugh about Including themselves Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again Bprr . . . bprr . . . the year 1967 Drug-crazed youth discovered vagrancy as a way of life EWW-WW! Dey were mellow Dey were yellow Dey were wearing smelly blankets Dey looked like DONOVAN fans (HU-UR-DE-EE GU-UR-DE-EE) Dey walkin' 'round With stupid flowers In dey hair an' evvywhere Dey tried to stuff 'em up de guns Of all the cops and other servants of the law (LA LA-LA-LA LA-LA) Who tried to push 'em around And later mowed 'em down But they were full of all that shit That they believed in (PHEW!) So what the fuck? (WHAT THE FUCK?) Now I seen 'em tightenin' up dey headbands On the weekend and dey get loaded When dey came to town Dey walk around in GREEMICH VILLAGE To buy posters dey could hang up In dem smelly little secret Black light bedrooms On LONN-ISLAND Singin': "JIMI COME BACK!" Now come back and regulate de boy's FURZ-tone Yo' HAZE was so PURPLE It caused your AXIS to be BOLD AS LOVE (JIMI-JIMI-JIMI-JIMI-JIMI FEED BACK) Now Jimi gimme some feedback Come back and feed back on my knapsack You can feed back the fuzz tone from your WAH-WAH While you bend down And set your stuff on FIRE

Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again We can turn it around We can do it again We can go back in time Through the canyons of your mind On the EVE O' DESTRUCTION We can act like we are something really special WOOOH, we'll just jump in the bath-tub With that other guy JIM And make him be more careful We can visit Big Mama And whap her on the back When she eats her sandwich (LA LA LA LA) We can take care of Janis When she gets so depressed She can't take it no more We can laugh at Keith Moon's jokes (HA HA HA HA HA) And the colour TV (HA HA) He threw out de windum Fum de second flew-ah! (YEAAHHHHHH!) Everybody come back No one can do it like you used to If you listen to the radio And what they play today You can tell right away: All those assholes really need you! Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again 6. Alien Orifice 4:10

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 • Make A Jazz Noise Here Basic track: Unknown location c. September 1981-July, 1982 FZ--guitar Steve Vai--guitar Ray White--guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums

7. Yo Cats 3:33

(Zappa/Mariano)

• Have I Offended Someone? includes a quote from the 3rd Movement "Marche Funebre" of the Sonata No. 2 in B Flat minor (Chopin) Ike Willis--voice Chad Wackerman--drums FZ--Synclavier Yo cats, yo yo Yo chooch, way to go You is dead, but you don't know Yo let's carve, hey where's them blow? Get your fiddle, get your bow Play some footballs on your hole Watch your watch, play a little flat Make the session go overtime, that's where it's at Hey, saxophone, clarinet How many doubles can you get Special rules providin' the way To help you maximize your pay Your girl, Arlyn's, what's the diff What's the service that you're with So long as you can suck the butt On the contractor who calls you up Your career could take a thud Unless you kneel and scarf his pud And when the dates come rolling in You can wipe your lips and flash a grin That tells them all at the jingle date That you enjoyed what you just ate Yum yum, dog food Haemorrhoid cream but the bread's so good New RV and a leisure suit Hey, I play shit but I love that loot Thank the union, it's so great Only a few get to be on the date Those other schmucks with electric guitars Got to play for poot in the "B" scale bars You have made it, you are cool You have been to the Berklee School You give clinics on the side Music has died and no one cried Yo cats, Yo yo Yo chooch way to go You is dead Hey! Have a nice one, guy! 8. What's New In Baltimore? 5:20

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 • Does Humor Belong In Music? Community Theater, Berkeley, California December 10, 1981 Painter's Mill Music Fair, Owings Mills, Maryland

November 15, 1981 Assembly Hall, University Of Illinois, Champaign, Illinois November 21, 1981 Unknown venue and date FZ--guitar Steve Vai--guitar Ray White--guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums

9. Porn Wars 12:05 FZ--Synclavier Voices from the Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation September 19, 1985 Senator Danforth (R-Missouri) Senator Hollings (D-South Carolina) Senator Trible (R-Virginia) Senator Hawkins (R-Florida) Senator Exon (D-Nebraska) Senator Gorton (R-Washington) Senator Gore (D-Tennessee) Tipper Gore Reverend Jeff Ling FZ Thing-Fish section (including some dialog from Galoot Up-Date) from UMRK c. 1982-83 Ike Willis--Thing-Fish voice, rhythm guitar? Steve Vai--guitar FZ--rhythm guitar? Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Piano people voices from Apostolic Studios, NYC October, 1967 Spider Barbour--voice All-Night John Kilgore--voice Monica--voice Chairman (John Danforth): The reason for this hearing is not to promote any legislation. Indeed, I don't know of any suggestion that any legislation be passed. But to simply provide a forum for airing the issue itself, for ventilating the issue, for bringing it out in the public domain. Senator Hollings. Senator Hollings: I've had the opportunity to, ah, attend a, a showing, you might say, or presentation of, ah, this porn rock, as they call it. In the test of pornography, one of the things to look at is it, it does not have any redeeming social value. Ah, there could be an exception here, because having attended that pres, presentation, the redeeming social value I find that is inaudible. I have a hard time understanding it, then. Paul, since I traveled the country for 3 years, 'n they said they could not understand me. Maybe I could make a good rock star. I don't know. Heh . . . But in all candor, I would tell you it's, it's outrageous filth. So, I'll be looking from this Senator's standpoint, not just to bring pressures but to try to see if there is some

constitutional provisions to tax, or approach that can be used on the Congress to limit this outrageous filth. Chairman: Senator Trible. Senator Trible: Rape, incest, sexual violence . . . Senator Hollings: It's outrageous filth . . . Senator Trible: Is like sandpaper to the soul . . . Now, the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be cataclysmic Senator Hollings: It's outrageous filth! Senator Trible: Rather the emotional damage is more subtle Senator Hawkins: Fire and chains and . . . Senator Hollings: It's outrageous filth! Senator Hawkins: Other . . . objectionable . . . tools of gratification in some twisted mind . . . Johnny Guitar Watson: YEAH! Senator Trible: Now, the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be cataclysmic . . . Senator Hollings: Porn Rock . . . Senator Trible: Rather the emotional damage is more subtle Senator Hollings: Willy nilly over the air ?: (And hear it now . . . hear it . . . hear it . . . ) Senator Hollings: If I could find some way constitutionally to do away with it, I would. Senator Hawkins: Fire and chains and . . . other . . . objectionable . . . Senator Hollings: Rock porn Senator Hawkins: Tools of gratification in some twisted mind . . . Johnny Guitar Watson: YEAH! Senator Trible: Now, the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be cataclysmic . . . Senator Hollings: Porn rock! Senator Trible: Now, the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be cataclysmic . . . Senator Hollings: Porn rock! Senator Trible: Rather the emotional damage . . . Senator Hollings: If I could find some way constitutionally to do away with it, I would. Senator Hawkins: This issue is too hot not to cool down Senator Trible: Now, the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be cataclysmic . . . Senator Trible: Rather the emotional damage is more subtle Senator Hollings: Porn Rock Senator Hollings: Porn Rock Senator Hollings: Porn Rock . . . Senator Hawkins: Burn! Burn . . . ! Senator Hollings: Willy nilly over the air Senator Hollings: Willy nilly over the air Senator Hollings: Willy nilly over the air Senator Hollings: Rock porn . . . rock porn . . . rock porn . . . Senator Hawkins: This issue is too hot not to cool down Senator Hawkins: Fire and chains and . . . other . . . objectionable . . . tools of gratification in some twisted mind . . . Senator Hawkins: This issue is too hot not to cool down Senator Hollings: Porn Rock Senator Hollings: Porn Rock! Senator Hollings: Porn Rock Senator Hollings: Porn Rock! Senator Hawkins: This issue is too . . . Spider: This must be the end of the world! All the people turning into pigs and ponies . . . I can't let it happen to me! Senator Exon: What is the reason for these hearings in front of the Commerce Committee? FZ: Sex! Well . . . FZ: Sex! Senator Hawkins: Thank you. I think that statement tells the story to this committee. Rev. Jeff Ling: "Listen you little slut, do as you are told" Senator Exon: What is the reason . . . FZ: Sex! Senator Exon: For these hearings in front of the Commerce

Committee? FZ: Sex! Underwear FZ: Bondage! Rev. Jeff Ling: Listen you little slut Rev. Jeff Ling: Listen you little slut, do as you are told FZ: Sex, and lots of it Rev. Jeff Ling: Fixed her good. FZ: Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex! . . . Senator Hawkins: I would be interested to see what toys your kids ever had. FZ: Why would you be interested? Senator Hawkins: Just as a point of interest in this . . . FZ: Well, come on over to the house. I'll show 'em to you . . . Really! Senator Hawkins: I . . . I might do that. Senator Trible: Rape, incest, sexual violence . . . is like sandpaper to the soul . . . Senator Trible: Now, the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be cataclysmic Senator Hollings: It's outrageous filth! Senator Trible: Rather the emotional damage is more subtle Senator Hawkins: Fire and chains and . . . other Senator Hollings: It's outrageous filth! Senator Hawkins: Objectionable . . . tools of gratification in some twisted minds . . . Johnny Guitar Watson: YEAH! Senator Trible: Now the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be cataclysmic . . . Senator Hollings: Porn rock Senator Hollings: Willy nilly over the air Senator Trible: Rather the emotional damage is more subtle Senator Hawkins: Fire and chains and . . . other Senator Hollings: If I could find some way constitutionally to do away with it, I would. Senator Hawkins: Objectionable . . . tools of gratification in some twisted minds . . . Senator Trible: Now the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be cataclysmic . . . Johnny Guitar Watson: YEAH! Senator Hollings: Something that we have got to give some kind of attention to. Senator Trible: The mere announcement of this hearing led to cries of censorship. Senator Trible: Now the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be cataclysmic . . . Senator Hollings: Porn Rock Senator Trible: Now the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be cataclysmic . . . Senator Hollings: If I could find some way constitutionally to do away with it, I would. Senator Trible: Rather the emotional damage . . . Chairman: Thank you very much, Mr. Zappa. You understand that the, the, ah, previous witnesses were not asking for legislation. And I, I don't know, I can't speak for Senator Hollings, but I think that the prevailing view here is that nobody is asking for legislation. The question is just focusing on what a lot of people perceived to be a problem, and you have indicated that you at least understand that there is another point of view. Senator Hollings: Willy nilly over the air Senator Hollings: Willy nilly over the air Senator Hollings: Willy nilly over the air Chairman: Senator Gore. Senator Gore: Thank you very much, Mr. Chairman. I found your statement very interesting and, ah, let me say although I disagree with some of the statements that you make and have made on other occasions, I have been a fan of your music, believe it or not.

And I, I, ah, respect you as a true original and a tremendously talented musician. Spider: Ooh, wait a minute! Senator Hollings: Maybe I could make a good rock-star, I don't know Rev. Jeff Ling: Come with . . . come with . . . come with daddy! Senator Hollings: Maybe I could make a good rock-star, I don't know Rev. Jeff Ling: Come with . . . come with daddy! Senator Hollings: Maybe I could make a good rock-star, I don't know Rev. Jeff Ling: Come with . . . come with . . . come with daddy! Spider: They don't even understand their own music . . . of course nobody does, but . . . John: They don't, they don't even know what they're doing Spider: No! John: I've, I've seen 'em a couple of times . . . Spider: Did . . . did you see their uniforms? John: Unbelievable! Monica: Which ones? They, the red ones? John: All those rhinestones over their rings and things like that Monica: Do you know what I . . . John: Gold lamé hoof-covers . . . Unbelievable! Senator Hollings: Maybe I could make a good rock-star Senator Hollings: Maybe I could make a good rock-star Rev. Jeff Ling: Gonna drive my love inside you etc. Senator Hollings: It's outrageous filth Senator Hollings: It's outrageous filth Rev. Jeff Ling: Come with daddy! etc., etc. Senator Hollings: Rock, rock, Porn Rock! Senator Hollings: Rock porn etc. Senator Hollings: Willy nilly over the air Senator Hollings: An' I think your suggestion is a good one. If you print those words, that would go a long way to satisfying everyone's objections, I . . . FZ: All we have to do is find out how it is going to be paid for. Senator Hawkins: Pyromania. No question. Burn the building! Burn! Burn! Burn! Johnny Guitar Watson: YEAH! Senator Hollings: If I could find some way constitutionally to do away with it I would Senator Hollings: Willy nilly over the air Senator Hawkins: This issue is too hot not to cool down Senator Hollings: So, I'll be looking from this Senator's standpoint, not just to bring pressures but to try to see if there is some constitutional provisions to tax, or approach that can be used on the Congress to limit this outrageous filth. Johnny Guitar Watson: YEAH! Thing-Fish: We'll get back to de wimp and his low-budget conceptium of personal freedom in just a moment. But foist, welcome to: WHAT DE FUCK GWINE ON HERE? (A celebratium o' de American way o' life!) I see some o' y'all be FROWNIN' . . . 'cause mebbe y'think what I's tellin' ya' is a LIE! Am I right? Les' jes' have a test . . . How many o' you nice folks think I knows what I's talkin' 'bout? RAISE Y'HAIN UP! Uh-huh! An' how many thinks my potato been bakin' too long? RAISE YO MIZZABLE HAIN UP! Uh-huh! Now . . . how many you folks is CONVINCED de gubnint be totally 'UNCONCERNED' wit de proliferatium o' UNDESIRABLE TENANTS in de CONDOMINIUM o' LIFE? An' how many folks believe THEY number won't come up, next time de breeze blow fum de Easterly directium? Les' face it, peoples! Ugly as I mights be, I AM YO'

FUTCHUM! Ain't that right, SISTER OB'DEWLLA? Hmm hmm! Oh, oh yeah! Thass right! Chairman: Senator Gorton. Senator Gorton: Mr. Zappa, I, ah, am astounded at the courtesy and soft-voiced nature of the comments of my friend, the Senator from Tennessee. I can only say that I found your statement to be boorish, ah, incredibly and insensitively insulting to the people that were here previously; that you could manage to give the first amendment of the Constitution of the United States a bad name, if I felt that you had the slightest understanding of it, which I do not. You do not have the slightest understanding of the difference between Government action and private action, and you have certainly destroyed any case you might otherwise have had with this Senator. Thank you, Mr. Chairman. FZ: Is this private action? Rev. Jeff Ling: Degradation. Humiliation. Thrusting, shoving. Animals humping. Senator Hawkins?: There's no absolute right to free speech FZ: I don't think this is constitutional . . . Tipper Gore: A voluntary labeling is not censorship . . . Rev. Jeff Ling: Bend up and smell my anal vapor Tipper Gore: A voluntary . . . voluntary . . . voluntary . . . Tipper Gore: A voluntary labeling is not censorship . . .

Rev. Jeff Ling: Degradation . . . humiliation . . . Well . . . Rev. Jeff Ling: Gonna drive my love inside of you Well . . . FZ: Is this private action? Senator Hawkins: In chains . . . Rev. Jeff Ling: Listen you little slut, do as you are told . . . Senator Hawkins?: There's no absolute right . . . Senator Hawkins?: There's no absolute right . . . Well . . . Well . . . Rev. Jeff Ling: Dressed in leather bondage, masks . . . Well . . . Rev. Jeff Ling: Bend up and smell my anal vapor There's no . . . There's no . . . Chairman: Mr. Zappa, thank you very much for your testimony. FZ: Thank you. Chairman: Next witness is John Denver . . . Senator Hollings?: We haven't got 'em whipped on this one yet. You got a bear by the tail here, uh? Jeezis! 10. H.R. 2911 3:35 FZ--Synclavier

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Original transcription by Patrick Neve The transcription of the Senate Hearings can be found here: http://uweb.superlink.net/~jdandrea/shrg99-529/index.html Further corrections and additions by Román, Chris Ekman, Patrick Neve, Bossk (R), Jack P. Armstrong, Charles Ulrich, Stu Mark and slime.oofytv.set

4

Does Humor Belong In Music? (Frank Zappa, January 1986) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Zoot Allures 5:26 Tinsel-Town Rebellion 4:43 Trouble Every Day 5:31 Penguin In Bondage 6:44 Hot-Plate Heaven At The Green Hotel 6:42 What's New In Baltimore? 4:47 Cock-Suckers' Ball (Trad.) 1:05 WPLJ (Dobard) 1:30 Let's Move To Cleveland 16:43 Whippin' Post (Allman) 8:23 Arranged and produced by Frank Zappa Recording engineers: Mark Pinske & Thom Ehle Remix engineer: Bob Stone Remote recording facility: UMRK Mobile Remixed at: UMRK Cover photography by Ebet Roberts Design by Mark Matsuno (1995 CD new cover by Cal Schenkel) The Musicians: Frank Zappa lead guitar & vocal Ray White rhythm guitar & vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar & vocal Bobby Martin keyboards, sax & vocal Alan Zavod keyboards (solo on "Cleveland") Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums (solo on "Cleveland") Dweezil Zappa guitar solo on "Whippin' Post"

1. Zoot Allures FZ:OZ Frank Zappa Plays The Music Of Frank Zappa You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Zoot Allures The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Head from Hammersmith Odeon, London September 25, 1984 Solo from Civic Center, Providence October 26, 1984

2. Tinsel Town Rebellion Tinsel Town Rebellion Have I Offended Someone? includes references and quotes from The Twilight Zone Theme (Constant), I Write The Songs (Johnston), Too Shy (Limahl/Beggs/Askew/Neale/Strode), Rock You Like A Hurricane (Schenker/Meine/Rarebell), Whip It (Mothersbaugh/Casale), I'll Tumble 4 Ya (Hay/Moss/Craig/O'Dowd), Sunshine Of Your Love (Brown/Bruce/Clapton), Light My Fire (Morrison/Manzarek/Krieger/Densmore), Johnny's Theme (Paul Anka), I Love Lucy (Daniel/Adamson), Rubber Biscuit (Epps/Johnson/Lincoln/Strain/Fulton) and Woody Woodpecker (Tibbles/Idriss) Body from Bismarck Theater, Chicago November 23, 1984 Ending from Queen Elizabeth Theater, Vancouver December 18, 1984 From Madam Wong's to Starwood To the Whiskey on the Strip You can hear the crashing, blasting strum Of bands that come to be real hip And get a record contract From a talent scout some day They'll sell their ass, their cocks and balls They'll take the check 'n walk away If they're lucky they'll get famous For a week or two perhaps They'll buy some ugly clothes to wear And hope the business don't collapse Before some stupid magazine Decides they're really good They're a Tinsel Town Rebellion Band From downtown Hollywood Tinsel Town Rebellion, Tinsel Town Rebellion Band It's a little bitty Tinsel Town Rebellion A Tinsel Town Rebellion Band They used to play all kinds of stuff And some of it was nice Some of it was musical But then they took some guy's advice To get a record deal, he said, They would have to be more punk Forget their chops and play real dumb Or else they would be sunk So off they go to S.I.R. to learn some stupid riffs (Oh no!) No!

(No no no no no no) No! (It's the 80's again!) And when they think they've got it They launch a new career Who gives a fuck if what they play Is somewhat insincere (Let's dance the blues again Everybody! Dance the blues again Come on and dance the blues again Get down from the . . . I write the songs that make the young girls cry!) Did you know that in Tinsel Town the people down there Think that substance is a bore And if your New Wave group looks good They'll hurry on back for more Of leather groups (Eye to eye Rock you like a nincompoop!) And plastic groups (Whip it good!) And groups that look real queer (I'll tumble 4 ya!) He'll tumble for you (I'll tumble 4 ya!) He'll tumble for you very much (Moo moo moo moo moo) Home town sausage jamboree (Moo moo moo moo moo Moo moo moo moo moo Moo moo moo MOO-AHHH!) The Tinsel Town aficionados Come to see and not to hear But then again this system works As perfect as a dream It works for all of those record company pricks (Let's see that record company prick again) It works for all of those record company pricks (No, no, do it when it hits the floor) It works for all of those record company pricks Who come to skim the cream From the cesspools of excitement Where Jim Morrison once stood It's that Tinsel Town Rebellion From down down down (Down down down) Town town town (Town town town) Holly lolly lolly (Holly lolly lolly) Woody Woody Pecker Pecker (Woody Woody Pecker Pecker) Woo-oo-ooh-ooh-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ood Woody Pecker Pecker! Woody Woody Pecker Pecker! Hi-Yo, Woody! Hi-Yo, Pecker! Hi-Yo, Silver! One-Adam-Twelve, see de pecker! 3. Trouble Every Day Freak Out! You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol. 5 Roxy & Elsewhere The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Verses from Bayfront Center Arena, St. Petersburg, Florida December 1, 1984

Solo from Hammersmith Odeon, London September 25, 1984 (It's a boy in a muumuu) Well I'm about to get sick From watchin' MTV I been checkin' out the HO HO HO! Until my eyeballs fail to see I mean to say that every day Is just another rotten group (Right you are, girl) And when it's gonna change, my friend Will probably make you stoop, I don't know So I'm Watchin' and I'm waitin' Hopin' for the best Even think I'll go to prayin' Every time I hear 'em sayin' (Oh no!) There's no way to delay That trouble comin' every day There's no way to delay That trouble comin' every day Wednesday I watched the riot I seen those cops out on the street I watched 'em throwin' rocks & stuff & chokin' In the heat I listen to reports (Oh, we gotta . . . ) 'Bout the whisky passin' around (Sho' nuff . . . don'tcha!) I seen the smoke & fire And the market burnin' down Watched while everybody On his street would HA HA HA! To stomp & smash & bash & crash & slash & bust & burn And I'm watchin' and I'm waitin' Hopin' for the best Even think I'll go to prayin' Every time I hear 'em sayin' (Oh no!) There's no way to delay That trouble comin' every day There's no way to delay That trouble comin' every day I'm watchin' and I'm waitin' Hopin' for the best Even think I'll go to prayin' Every time I hear 'em sayin' (Oh no!)

Way over on the wet side Of the bed Just like the mighty Penguin Flappin' her eight ounce wings Lord, you know it's all over If she come atcha on the strut & wrap 'em all around yer head Flappin' her eight ounce wings, flappinumm She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy HO HO HO! HO HO HO! Ooh, you missed! Oh sorry! How 'bout the next contestant? Shake up the pale-dry Ginger ale Tremblin' like a Penguin When the underpants fail (Yeah, yeah) Lord, you must be havin' her jumpin' through a hoopa real fire With some Kleenex wrapped around a coat-hang wire Little Penguin, A dirty little bird! (What?) She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . . Rennenhenninnahenninneninahenn Howlin' over to some Antarcticulated moon In the frostbite nite With her flaps gone white Shriekin' as she spot the hoop across the room The you-hoo-hoo (Oh, One-Adam-Twelve, see the hoop) You know it must be a Penguin bound down If you hear that terrible screamin' and there ain't no other Birds around

Roxy & Elsewhere The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . . She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . . Rennenhenninnahenninneninahennnn (HO HO HO, Bill!) Aw, you must be careful Not to leave her HO HO HO TOO LOOSE (It's a town in France)

includes quotes from Self Control (Bigazzi/Piccolo/Riefoli), Jingle Bells (Pierpont) and Assembly (Trad.)

'Cause she just might box yer dog 'Cause she just might box yer doggie An' leave you a dried-up kind of a dog biscuit . . . Woo!

Some vocal parts from Bayfront Center Arena, St. Petersburg, Florida December 1, 1984 Solo and the rest from Queen Elizabeth Theater, Vancouver December 18, 1984

5. Hot-Plate Heaven At The Green Hotel

4. Penguin In Bondage

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . . Rennenhenninnahenninnenninahennn

Broadway The Hard Way includes a quote from Big Swifty Queen Elizabeth Theater, Vancouver December 18, 1984

Hey! What's new in Baltimore? (How 'bout that chord that Ray played?) Hey! What's new in Baltimore? (The newest chord in all of Baltimore!) Hey! What's new in Baltimore? What's new in Baltimore?

Bow wow Wow . . . wow Bow wow Bow wow Bow wow I used to have a job An' I was doin' fairly well Depression came along An' everybody start to yell "Where'd they go, them good ol' days, An' all that crap we used to sell?" Now I'm in Hot-Plate Heaven, at the Green Hotel Republicans is fine, If you're a multi-millionaire Democrats is fair, If all you own is what you wear Neither of 'em's REALLY right, 'Cause neither of 'em CARE 'Bout that Hot-Plate Heaven, 'Cause they ain't been there They really oughta go 'N find out how the hall-way smell -They'd benefit to know 'Bout what the bums in there could tell (Of course we're only dreamin', But I s'pose it's just as well That's ALL you get to dream Up in the Green Hotel) Nature didn't put me here, An' neither did my fate -It musta been some evil ol' Republican candidate! He's over there in Washington, But I wish he was in HELL 'Cause I'm in Hot-Plate Heaven At the Green Hotel Things is slightly better now; They hope we will forget Their misery of 'TRICKLE DOWN', An' jelly-bean etiquette The Regal Presidential Style Has simply not worn well, But neither has my rags, Up in the Green Hotel

Hey! What's new in Baltimore? Hey! What's new in Baltimore? Hey! What's new in Baltimore? What's new in Baltimore? What's new in Baltimore? What's new in Baltimore? 7. Cock-Sucker's Ball (Trad., arr. Zappa) Universal Amphitheater, Universal City, CA December 23, 1984 FZ: Hey, this is for all the Republicans in the audience! Cock-sucker Tammy get your mother fuckin' Mammy We're goin' downtown to the Cock-Suckers' Ball Fuck, suck an' fight 'Till beginnin' of the broad daylight We don't need no goddam taxi fare We're gonna trim them holes in a rockin'-chair Take off all the rags We're gonna play a little game called tag Tomorrow night at the Rotten Cock-Suckers' Ball Come on you moe-ass singers and you mick dick slingers We're goin' downtown to the Cock-Suckers' Ball Fuck, suck an' fight 'Till beginnin' of the broad daylight We don't need no goddam taxi fare We're gonna trim them holes in a rockin'-chair Take off all the rags We're gonna play a little game called tag Tomorrow night at the Rotten Cock-Suckers' Ball Yeah yeah yeah yeah Tomorrow night at the Rotten Cock-Suckers' Ball! FZ: Thank you, you're too kind! 8. WPLJ (Dobard) Burnt Weeny Sandwich

I said the Green Hotel I mean the Green Hotel Been there once The Green Hotel We're goin' again The Green Hotel Neither has my rags, Up in the Green Hotel Hey, pass me the dog-food! 6. What's New In Baltimore? You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 Frank Zappa Meets The Mothers Of Prevention Front and solo from Universal Amphitheater, Universal City, CA December 23, 1984 Vocal part from Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA November 10, 1984

Universal Amphitheater, Universal City, CA December 23, 1984 So . . . (Ha! Ha! Ha!) I say WPLJ, won't you take a drink with me (Jungle Boogie now!) WPLJ, really taste good to me Well, it's a good good wine It really makes you feel so fine, so fine, so fine I went to the store when they opened up the door I said: "Please please please gimme some more" White Port & Lemon Juice, White Port & Lemon Juice, White Port & Lemon Juice, Ooh what it do to you, to you, to you! You take the bottle, you take the can Shake it up fine, you get a good good wine. White Port & Lemon Juice,

White Port & Lemon Juice, White Port & Lemon Juice, Ooh what it do to you, to you, to you! The W is the White, The P is the Port, The L is the Lemon, The J is the Juice White Port & Lemon Juice, White Port & Lemon Juice, White Port & Lemon Juice, Ooh what it do to you, to you, to you! I feel so good, I feel so fine Got plenty lovin', got plenty wine White Port & Lemon Juice, White Port & Lemon Juice, White Port & Lemon Juice, Ooh what it do to you, to you, to you White Port & Lemon Juice, Ooh what it do to you, to you, to you White Port & Lemon Juice, Ooh what it do to you! 9. Let's Move To Cleveland FZ:OZ You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Intro and out-chorus from Universal Amphitheater, Universal City, CA December 23, 1984 Piano solo from Bayfront Center Arena, St. Petersburg, Florida December 1, 1984 Drum solo from Queen Elizabeth Theatre, Vancouver December 18, 1984 Guitar solo from Fine Arts Center Concert Hall, Amherst, Massachusetts October 28, 1984 Let's move to Cleveland (Bondolay boffo bonto!) Let's move to Cleveland (I've been there) Let's move to Cleveland 10. Whippin' Post (Allman) Them Or Us Universal Amphitheater, Universal City, CA December 23, 1984

I been run down Lord, 'n I been lied to And I don't know why I let that mean woman make me out a fool Well, she took all my money 'N wrecked my new car Now she's with one of my good-time buddies, Drinkin' in some cross-town bar Sometimes I feel Well, sometimes I feel Like I been Tied, well, to the whippin' post Tied to the whippin' post Tied to the whippin' post Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin' My friends tell me Oh, that I been such a fool I have to stand back an' take it, babe All for loving you I drown myself in sorrow As I look at what you've done But nothin' seems to change; That bad times stay the same, And I can't run Sometimes I feel Well, sometimes I feel Like I been Tied, well, to the whippin' post Tied to the whippin' post Tied to the whippin' post Oh, good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin' Oh! Oh Lord Lord no! Yeah Lord ooh! Oh! I been tied down Sometimes I feel Well, sometimes I feel Like I been Tied, oh-wo-wo, to the whippin' post Yeah, tied to the whippin' post Well, I'm tied to the whippin' post Yeaaah! Lo-wo oooooooh-oo-we-oo-wee oooh! Lo-oo-ow-ow-oo Lord Lord You know sometimes I really do believe Well I believe I said I believe I said I do believe I said I really do believe Well 'n I must say it one more time I believe That there just ain't no such thing As dyin'

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the original albums Corrections, additions and transcription for the new material from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Further corrections and additions by Román, Don Waller, Randy Cech, Chris Ekman, Patrick Neve, Derek Milhouse Gilger, Corey and Charles Ulrich

Jazz From Hell (Frank Zappa, November 1986) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

Night School 4:50 The Beltway Bandits 3:26 While You Were Art II 7:18 Jazz From Hell 3:00 G-Spot Tornado 3:17 Damp Ankles 3:45 St. Etienne 6:26 Massaggio Galore 2:31 Produced and arranged by Frank Zappa Computer assistant: Bob Rice Engineered by Bob Stone Live recordings engineer Mark Pinske Recorded digitally at UMRK Cover photo: Greg Gorman Art direction: Frank Mulvey All compositions executed by Frank Zappa on the Synclavier DMS with the exception of St. Etienne

1. Night School

2. The Beltway Bandits

3. While You Were Art II Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar

4. Jazz From Hell

5. G-Spot Tornado The Yellow Shark

6. Damp Ankles

7. St. Etienne Solo from Drowning Witch Palais des Sports, St. Etienne, France May 28, 1982 Frank Zappa lead guitar Steve Vai rhythm guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

8. Massaggio Galore Hi-Yo, Silver! Away!

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Masked Man transcription by Román

4

Guitar (Frank Zappa, April 1988) disc 2 disc 1 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17.

Sexual Harassment In The Workplace 3:42 Which One Is It? 3:04 Republicans 5:07 Do Not Pass Go 3:36 Chalk Pie 4:51 In-A-Gadda-Stravinsky 2:50 That's Not Really Reggae 3:17 When No One Was No One 4:48 Once Again, Without The Net 3:43 Outside Now (Original Solo) 5:28 Jim & Tammy's Upper Room 3:11 Were We Ever Really Safe In San Antonio? 2:49 That Ol' G Minor Thing Again 5:02 Hotel Atlanta Incidentals 2:44 That's Not Really A Shuffle 4:23 Move It Or Park It 5:43 Sunrise Redeemer 3:58 Produced, arranged & edited by Frank Zappa Remote facility: UMRK Mobile & 4-track Scully to mix console Recording engineers: Mark Pinske & Klaus Wiedemann Remix facility: UMRK Remix engineer: Bob Stone Photos by Sergio Albonico Graphics by Jeff Fey

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15.

Variations On Sinister #3 5:15 Orrin Hatch On Skis 2:12 But Who Was Fulcanelli? 2:48 For Duane 3:24 GOA 4:51 Winos Do Not March 3:14 Swans? What Swans? 4:23 Too Ugly For Show Business 4:20 Systems Of Edges 5:32 Do Not Try This At Home 3:46 Things That Look Like Meat 6:57 Watermelon In Easter Hay 4:02 Canadian Customs 3:34 Is That All There Is? 4:09 It Ain't Necessarily The Saint James Infirmary (Gershwin/Gershwin/Primrose) 5:15

disc 1

5. Chalk Pie

1. Sexual Harassment In The Workplace Fox Theater, San Diego, California December 12, 1981 FZ HENDRIX STRAT Ray White rhythm guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

includes a quote from Heavy Duty Judy Guitar solo from Zoot Allures Terrace Ballroom, Salt Lake City, Utah December 7, 1981 FZ HENDRIX STRAT Ray White rhythm guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

2. Which One Is It? 6. In-A-Gadda-Stravinsky You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 Guitar solo from Black Page Olympiahalle, Munich, Germany June 26, 1982 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ray White rhythm guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

includes quotes from In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida (Doug Ingle), Rite Of Spring (Stravinsky) and Taps (Butterfield) Guitar solo from Let's Move To Cleveland Civic Center, Atlanta, Georgia November 25, 1984 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ike Willis rhythm guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Bobby Martin keyboards Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

3. Republicans Guitar solo from Let's Move To Cleveland Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA November 10, 1984 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ike Willis rhythm guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Bobby Martin keyboards Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

7. That's Not Really Reggae Guitar solo from Whipping Post (Allman) Hammersmith Odeon, London September 26, 1984 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ike Willis rhythm guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Bobby Martin keyboards Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

4. Do Not Pass Go Guitar solo from Drowning Witch Hammersmith Odeon, London June 18-19, 1982 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ray White rhythm guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

8. When No One Was No One Guitar solo from Zoot Allures Sporthalle, Cologne, Germany May 21, 1982 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ray White rhythm guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

Frankie! Frankie! "Who Are The Brain Police?"! 9. Once Again, Without The Net

FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ike Willis rhythm guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Bobby Martin keyboards Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

includes a quote from Andy Guitar solo from Let's Move To Cleveland Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, Portland, Oregon December 20, 1984 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ike Willis rhythm guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Bobby Martin keyboards Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

10. Outside Now (Original Solo) Joe's Garage Acts II & III Joe's Garage Acts II & III The Perfect Stranger You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 Broadway The Hard Way Guitar solo from City Of Tiny Lites Rudi-Sedlmeyer Sporthalle, Munich, Germany March 31, 1979 (late show) FZ CUSTOM SG Denny Walley slide guitar Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Peter Wolf keyboards Ed Mann percussion Arthur Barrow bass Vinnie Colaiuta drums

11. Jim & Tammy's Upper Room You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 Guitar solo from Advance Romance La Patinoire, Bordeaux, France June 1, 1982 FZ LES PAUL CUSTOM Ray White rhythm guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocals Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocals Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

13. That Ol' G Minor Thing Again Guitar solo from City Of Tiny Lites Hallenstadion, Zurich, Switzerland June 24, 1982 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ray White rhythm guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

14. Hotel Atlanta Incidentals includes a quote from King Kong Guitar solo from Hot-Plate Heaven At The Green Hotel Civic Center, Atlanta, Georgia November 25, 1984 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ike Willis rhythm guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Bobby Martin keyboards Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

15. That's Not Really A Shuffle Guitar solo from Marque-Son's Chicken Palais des Sports, Dijon, France June 3, 1982 FZ LES PAUL CUSTOM Ray White rhythm guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

16. Move It Or Park It 12. Were We Ever Really Safe In San Antonio? Guitar solo from Drowning Witch Majestic Performing Arts Center, San Antonio, Texas December 10, 1984

Guitar solo from Black Page Alte Oper, Frankfurt June 11-12, 1982

Guitar solo from Drowning Witch Sporthalle, Cologne, Germany May 21, 1982

FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ray White rhythm guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ray White rhythm guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

17. Sunrise Redeemer Guitar solo from Let's Move To Cleveland Sunrise Musical Theatre, Sunrise, Florida November 30, 1984

4. For Duane

FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ike Willis rhythm guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Bobby Martin keyboards Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

Guitar solo from Whipping Post (Allman) Civic Center, Atlanta, Georgia November 25, 1984 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ike Willis rhythm guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Bobby Martin keyboards Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

disc 2 1. Variations On Sinister #3 You Are What You Is Them Or Us Make A Jazz Noise Here Guitar solo from Easy Meat Oscar Mayer Theatre, Madison, Wisconsin August 11, 1984 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ike Willis rhythm guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Bobby Martin keyboards Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

5. GOA Guitar solo from Let's Move To Cleveland Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ike Willis rhythm guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Bobby Martin keyboards Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

6. Winos Do Not March 2. Orrin Hatch On Skis Guitar solo from Ride My Face To Chicago Sunrise Musical Theatre, Sunrise, Florida November 30, 1984 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ike Willis rhythm guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Bobby Martin keyboards Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

Guitar solo from Sharleena Sunrise Musical Theatre, Sunrise, Florida November 30, 1984 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ike Willis rhythm guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Bobby Martin keyboards Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

7. Swans? What Swans? 3. But Who Was Fulcanelli?

Guitar solo from Pound For A Brown Fox Theater, San Diego, California December 12, 1981

FZ HENDRIX STRAT Ray White rhythm guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

12. Watermelon In Easter Hay 8. Too Ugly For Show Business Guitar solo from King Kong Berkeley Community Theater December 10, 1981 FZ LES PAUL CUSTOM Ray White rhythm guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

9. Systems Of Edges Guitar solo from Inca Roads Rhein-Main-Halle, Wiesbaden, Germany March 27, 1979 FZ CUSTOM SG Denny Walley slide guitar Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Peter Wolf keyboards Ed Mann percussion Arthur Barrow bass Vinnie Colaiuta drums

10. Do Not Try This At Home Guitar solo from Black Page Parco Redecesio, Milan July 7, 1982 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ray White rhythm guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

11. Things That Look Like Meat Guitar solo from City Of Tiny Lites Terrace Ballroom, Salt Lake City, Utah December 7, 1981 FZ LES PAUL CUSTOM Ray White rhythm guitar

Frank Zappa Plays The Music Of Frank Zappa QuAUDIOPHILIAc Joe's Garage Acts II & III Jones Beach Theatre, Wantagh, NY August 16, 1984 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ike Willis rhythm guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Bobby Martin keyboards Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

13. Canadian Customs Guitar solo from Let's Move To Cleveland Queen Elizabeth Theatre, Vancouver December 18, 1984 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ike Willis rhythm guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Bobby Martin keyboards Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

14. Is That All There Is? Guitar solo from Let's Move To Cleveland Philipshalle, Düsseldorf, Germany May 22, 1982 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ray White rhythm guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

15. It Ain't Necessarily The Saint James Infirmary (George Gershwin, Ira Gershwin, Dubose Heyward / Joe Primrose) includes It Ain't Necessarily So (Gershwin/Gershwin) and St James Infirmary (Joe Primrose)

Guitar solo from Pound For A Brown Stadio Communale, Pistoia, Italy July 8, 1982 FZ CUSTOM STRAT Ray White rhythm guitar

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/

Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 (Zappa, Rykodisc RCD 10081/82, May 9, 1988) disc 2 disc 1 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14.

The Florida Airport Tape (Volman/Kaylan/FZ) 1:03 Once Upon A Time 4:37 Sofa #1 2:53 The Mammy Anthem 5:41 You Didn't Try To Call Me 3:39 Diseases of The Band 2:22 Tryin' To Grow A Chin 3:44 Let's Make The Water Turn Black / Harry, You're A Beast / The Orange County Lumber Truck 3:28 The Groupie Routine 5:41 Ruthie-Ruthie (Brock/Berry) 2:57 Babbette 3:35 I'm The Slime 3:13 Big Swifty 8:47 Don't Eat The Yellow Snow 20:16

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14.

Plastic People (FZ/Berry) 4:38 The Torture Never Stops 15:48 Fine Girl 2:55 Zomby Woof 5:39 Sweet Leilani (Owens) 2:39 Oh No 4:34 Be In My Video 3:29 The Deathless Horsie 5:29 The Dangerous Kitchen 1:49 Dumb All Over 4:20 Heavenly Bank Account 4:05 Suicide Chump 4:56 Tell Me You Love Me 2:09 Sofa #2 3:01

Produced, arranged, compiled and edited by Frank Zappa Recording engineers: FZ, Mark Pinske, Mick Glossop, Dick Kunc, Barry Keene, Brian Krokus, Kerry McNab, Davey Moire Remix engineers: Bob Stone, Mick Glossop Remix facility: UMRK Package design: Jeff Fey

disc 1 1. The Florida Airport Tape 1:03 (Volman/Kaylan/FZ) An airport in Florida June, 1970 FZ--voice Mark Volman--voice Howard Kaylan--voice Jeff Simmons--voice Aynsley Dunbar--voice Unknown Guy--voice (whistling) Wha . . . Mark: Can I just ask some, any, everybody here, did anybody see me puke on stage? (Guy: What you doin', tourin' the country?) Howard: No, did you ? (Jeff: Yeah.) Mark: I puked on stage (Jeff: We started with San Antonio last night.) Howard: You puked on stage? (Jeff: . . . And then Atlanta, Tallahassee, Orlando, and then Jacksonville, and then we're doin' Europe. We have a few days off. We have about twenty days off [...] ) Mark: I did, man. I was sing . . . right in the middle of singin' "Easy Meat" or somethin', an' all of a sudden I started pukin' outta my mouth an' I just put my hand over my mouth, an' I had . . . Howard: Ohhhh . . . Outta sight! Aynsley: You didn't get it on film? . . . is that in slow motion . . . (Guy: [...] pretty good.) Mark: I thought you guys all caught that, man. (Jeff: My name's Jeff.) I got really sick from, you, know, all that jumpin' around and stuff . . . an' all that scotch and wine. Just weird, I only did it for about a second, y'know? (Guy: Oh!) Mark: It was just like a little spew. (Guy: California? Jeff: L.A., man.) I kinda shoved it back down my throat and went on singin' FZ: Great. Howard: Phew . . . Yeah, that is strange, man. Ratso Rizzo FZ: He saved it because he might be hungry later. Howard: Eewwww . . . get the big pieces! 2. Once Upon A Time 4:37 Rainbow Theater, London, UK December 10, 1971 FZ--guitar/vocal Mark Volman--vocal Howard Kaylan--vocal Jim Pons--bass/vocal Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Ian Underwood--keyboards/alto sax Aynsley Dunbar--drums translation FZ: Once upon a time, way back a long time ago, when the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than Mark Volman . . . Mark: Ohh, thank you, Frank. And don't misspell it, that's not Marc Bolan, that's Mark Volman. Hiya, friends! I wanna welcome each an' every one of ya, I wanna say to you tonight, I feel great. I mean, I feel great! Everywhere I go people are always comin' up to me, and they say, "Mark . . . Mark, Mark" (Mark! Mark! Mark!) Mark: "Mark, are you kidding?" Lemme tell you this, friends: I AM

NOT KIDDING. I mean, I am portly, and I am maroon. Well, how many people here tonight can guess what I am? FZ: I . . . don't Howard: I can't guess what you are. Jim: Not me Mark: Well, then I'll give you some clues. And the first clue is, I AM PORTLY. Does that help? FZ: Not Much Howard: No, I don't know who you are Mark: OK, I got one. Clue number two: I AM DOUBLE KNIT. That helped? FZ: No, not much Howard: What do you mean? Mark: Ahem; well then, I have to give you one more clue, I know this is gonna give it away and hate like damn to tell you this, but clue number three, ICH BIN MAROON. Howard: Ahhhh, you're a Sofa! FZ: Way back a long time ago, when the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than Mark Volman . . . Mark: Thank you, Frank FZ: . . . trying to convince each and every member of this extremely hip audience here tonight that he was nothing more, nothing less, than a fat, maroon sofa, suspended in the midst of a great emptiness, a light shined down from Heaven. And there he was, ladies and gentlemen, the Good Lord, and he took a . . . he took a look at the sofa, and he said to himself: "Quite an attractive sofa. This sofa could be commercial . . . " Mark: Thank you, Frank, hiya friends FZ: " . . . with a few more margaritas and the right company. However, I digress. What this sofa needs," said the Big G., "is a bit of FLOORING underneath of it." And so, in order to make this construction project possible, he summoned the assistance of the celestial choir of engineers and, by means of a cute little song in the German language, which is the way he talks whenever it's Heavy Business, the Good Lord went something like this, take it away, Jim Pons: Gib zu mir etwas Fußbodenbelag (Hey!) Unter diesen fetten, fließenden Sofa (Everybody!) Gib zu mir etwas Fußbodenbelag Unter diesen fetten, fließenden Sofa FZ: And of course, ladies and gentlemen, that means, "Give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat, floating sofa." And sure enough, boards of oak appeared thoughout the emptiness as far as vision permits, stretching all the way from Belfast to Bognor Regis. And the Lord put aside his huge cigar and proceeded to deliver unto the charming maroonish sofa the bulk of his message, with the assistance of a small electric clarinet, and it went something like this: 3. Sofa #1 2:53

• One Size Fits All • Zappa In New York • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 • The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Rainbow Theater, London, UK December 10, 1971 FZ--guitar/vocal Mark Volman--vocal Howard Kaylan--vocal Jim Pons--bass/vocal Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Ian Underwood--keyboards/clarinet Aynsley Dunbar--drums translation

YEAH! Ich bin der Himmel Ich bin das Wasser (I am the sky and the water) Ich bin der Dreck unter deinen Walzen Ich bin dein geheimer Schmutz Und verlorenes Metallgeld Metallgeld! Unter deine Ritze Ich bin deine Ritze und Schlitze Ich bin Wolken Ich bin bestickt Ich bin der Autor aller Felgen Und Damast Paspeln Ich bin der Chrome Dinette Ich bin der Chrome Dinette Ich bin Eier aller Arten Ich bin alle Tage und Nächte Ich bin alle Tage und Nächte Ich bin hier Und du bist mein Sofa (AIEE-AH!) Ich bin hier Und du bist mein Sofa (AIEE-AH!) Ich bin hier Und du bist mein Sofa Eddie, are you kidding me? Eddie, are you kidding me? Eddie, are you kidding me? 4. The Mammy Anthem 5:41

• Thing-Fish Stadio Communale, Palermo, Sicily July 14, 1982 FZ--lead guitar Ray White--guitar Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums

5. You Didn't Try To Call Me 3:39

• Freak Out! • Cruising With Ruben & The Jets Olympiahalle, Munich, Germany July 3, 1980 FZ--guitar/vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--keyboards/bass David Logeman--drums

You didn't try to call me, why didn't you try? I'm so lonely No matter who I take home, I keep calling your name And you, (I need you so bad) you're the one babe Tell me, tell me who's lovin' you now 'Cause it worries my mind and I can't sleep at all I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call And you didn't try to call me Why didn't you try, I'm so lonely No matter who I take home, I keep calling your name And you, (I need you so bad) You're the one babe Tell me, tell me who's lovin' you now 'Cause it worries my mind and I can't sleep at all I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call I can't say what's wrong or what's right La la-la-la la, la la-la-la la All you've gotta do-do-do is call me babe La la-la-la la, la la-la-la la You make me feel so excited girl I got so hung up on you from the moment that we met That no matter how I try, I can't keep the tears From running down my face I'm all alone at my place You didn't try to call me You didn't try to call me at all . . . (didja, buddy?) didja? You didn't try to call me You didn't try to call me at all . . . didja? You didn't try to call me You didn't try to call me at all . . . didja? You didn't try to call me You didn't try to call me at all . . . or didja? 6. Diseases Of The Band 2:22 includes a quote from Wet T-Shirt Nite Hammersmith Odeon, London, UK February 19, 1979 FZ--guitar/vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Denny Walley--slide guitar/vocal Warren Cuccurullo--guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards/vocal Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums/voice FZ: Howdy, folks. Alright, here's the deal: This is our last show here in London. Gee, it's gonna be tough. Got a few-a few of the boys are sick tonight (cough, cough) but they're still gonna . . . GIVE YOU THEIR ALL. I want to introduce you to the members of the rocking teenage combo and tell you which ones are sick and what they've got. Denny Walley on slide and vocals, he has, he has an aluminum finger, and we're gonna have that removed a little bit later in the show. This is Ike Willis. Ike has a . . . now Ike, Ike is our, uh lead vocalist, our dynamic male vocalist, he's got a sore throat and all sorts of other things wrong with him, he'll never be able to get through the show. The only thing he's got to take care of him is his knitted hat. And of course, Tommy Mars who also has stomach flu, on keyboards. Eh, do you have any other diseases, Tommy? No? He's available. Okay. Ed Mann on percussion. Ed is still healthy. Except, and he told me this backstage, except for his mental health, which he hasn't been doin' . . . but you have to expect theses things in this kind of a group. And Peter Wolf on keyboards. There's, there apparently

is nothing wrong with Peter yet. Band Member #1: He's got stomach flu too. FZ: You have stomach flu too? Ooh, my goodness. Band Member #2: He has intestinal flu. Band Member #3: The keyboard disease. Band Member #1: They're coming up here . . . FZ: The circle is closing in. Okay, Vince Colaiuta on drums. Now, as you can see from looking at Vince, there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. Band Member #2: Malnutrition. Vinnie: Hey, c'mon. I'm workin' on it. FZ: Arthur Barrow, our bass player, he's got a, he's having a lot of trouble, he's been very sick all day, missed the soundcheck and everything, but he's gonna try, he's gonna try really hard. And of course, Sophia Warren on guitar. 7. Tryin' To Grow A Chin 3:44

• Läther • Sheik Yerbouti • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 includes a quote from Wooly Bully (Samudio) Hammersmith Odeon, London, UK February 18, 1979, 2nd show FZ--guitar/vocals Ike Willis--guitar/vocals Denny Walley--slide guitar/lead vocals Warren Cuccurullo--guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards/vocals Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Hey! I'm only fourteen Sickly 'n thin Tried all of my life Just to grow me a chin It popped out once Yeah, but my dad pushed it in Tell me, why did he hurt me? Lord, he's my next of kin . . . He's a mex-i-kin

I'd rather be dead instead Now dig this: I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me (Mattie told Hattie . . . ) I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me One more time for the world! I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I'm horny 'n lonely too!

I'm lonely 'n green; Too small for my shirt If Simmons was here I could feature my hurt Scared of the future 'N I hope I don't grow Hey listen, I know nobody likes me 'Cause everywhere I go They say NO They say NO They say NO Agh! They say NO Now that I'm older I got a place in the town, babe I got a chin on my shoulder 'N it keeps growing down down down Scared of the future 'N I wish I was dead (Mattie told Hattie . . . ) Oh . . . I'd rather be dead instead Shit!

(Mattie told Hattie About a thing she saw . . . ) 8. Let's Make The Water Turn Black/Harry, You're A Beast/The Orange County Lumber Truck 3:28

• We're Only In It For The Money • Ahead Of Their Time • Make A Jazz Noise Here includes Harry, You're A Beast and The Orange County Lumber Truck The Ballroom, Stratford, Connecticut February 16, 1969 FZ--guitar Lowell George--guitar/güiro Roy Estrada--bass Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner--trumpet

Ian Underwood--alto sax Bunk Gardner--tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood--tambourine Jimmy Carl Black--drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III--drums

9. The Groupie Routine 5:41

• Fillmore East, June 1971 includes a quote from Tell Me You Love Me Pauley Pavillion, UCLA, California August 7, 1971 FZ--guitar/vocal Mark Volman--vocal Howard Kaylan--vocal Jim Pons--bass/vocal Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Ian Underwood--keyboards/alto sax Aynsley Dunbar--drums Mark: I mean really . . . Really! Howard: Rant-ran-n-n-nant rant-rant-rant . . . Mark: I mean, you guys, what can I say, you guys are my favorite band. You gotta tell me something . . . are you here in Hollywood long? I mean, I just . . . Howard: No, I'm uh, we're recording here in town Mark: You're recording? Howard: Yeah, at the Record Plant Mark: The Record Plant. Oh! Howard: Yeah Mark: Bobby Sherman records there. I just love Bobby Sherman, and David Cassidy. Do you know David Cassidy? Howard: No . . . I . . . Mark: Have you ever run into any of the members of the Three Dog Night? Howard: Joe Schermie once, uh . . . Mark: Oh-HHH! They are my favorite band, they're so professional, I mean, so creative . . . How about David Crosby? I mean, he so . . . IN, y'know, I . . . Howard: No, I never . . . Mark: He's . . . he just knows, I mean, he almost cut his hair, but he didn't, well . . . Howard: No, listen, do you know how . . . do you know how to get to the Chateau Marmont from here? Mark: Not exactly, is it by the . . . by the airport? Howard: No, no, we don't . . . we have a bus on this particular thing Mark: Oh! Howard: Yeah Mark: Tell me one thing, do you like my new car? Howard: Oh, yeah, it's a Pavilion, isn't it? Mark: Oh! Not just a Pavilion, it's a Pauley Pavilion Howard: Oh! (Bleagh!) Yeah, it's real futuristic, I like the little naked man turn signals. So, uh . . . we gotta get up, y'know and go to the studio in the morning, and then we record for about two weeks and then we, uh, we leave again FZ: Ha ha ha ha! Mark: Oh really? Where do you play when you go from here? Howard: Uh, let me see . . . NEEDLES Mark: Oh, you guys are so professional! Howard: No, it's nothing . . . Mark: I mean the way you get to travel to . . . Howard: It's a . . . Mark: . . . to all those exotic towns you get to play in, and playin' all these great sounding halls, I mean . . . Howard: I'm immune to it, you know . . . Mark: Tell me something. Do you really have a hit single in the charts now, right now I mean, with a BULLET? That's really

important Howard: Listen, baby, would I lie to you just to run my fingers through your pubes? Mark: Don't talk to me that way! Howard: No, what I was saying . . . Mark: I AM NOT A GROUPIE! Howard: I never said you're a . . . Mark: I am not a groupie, neither are my friends here, Jim, and Ian, and Aynsley and Don and Frank, none of us are groupies Howard: Pleased to meet all you girls FZ: Hi, Howie Jim: . . . take for a . . . Mark: Tell 'em, tell 'em, we don't, we aren't groupies Jim: Howard . . . Howard: Yeah Jim: We only like musicians for friends ?: Yeah Howard: That's right Jim: You, you know? You understand? FZ: We still wanna hear your record Mark: And we'd still like to come in your bus Howard: Yeah? Listen now, on the other side of record didn't you say that you get off being juked with a baby octopus and spewed upon with creamed corn, and that your hair-lipped queen-o bassplaying girlfriend with the crossed eyes and the tits on his shirt had to have it with a hot 7-UP bottle or he went UP THE WALL? Mark: Oh, Howie . . . Howard: What's the deal, MAMA? Mark: Howie, all that's true, Howie, and sometimes I even dig it with a Jack-In-The-Box ring job. But Howie, we are not . . . Howard: At last! Mark: We are not groupies, Howie, I told Robert Plant that . . . Howard: Plant-uh? Mark: I told Elton John, I told Steve Stills . . . Howard: Yeah . . . Mark: And he didn't even want to ball me Howard: I can see that. Listen. The thing is, baby, I want some action, yknow? I'm only here for a coupla weeks recording at the Record Plant with the naked statue in the bathroom 'n stuff, I'm horny as fuck. Listen to me. I want a steaming, succulent, juicy, drippy, ever-widening kind of a smelly, slimy, many-folded sort of in-andout contracting sphincter kind of a hole with a, with a, with a . . . let's see, there's gotta be a way I can put this discreetly . . . FZ: Ha ha ha! Howard: Let's say we hop in the aisle over those guys in the blue and FUCK, BABY! Mark: Hey, hey, hey! I'm in this band, man! I told you that many times. No matter what goes on. Listen, it just so happens tonight . . . I mean, this is unbelievable. Are you a Virgo? Howard: No . . . Mark: I mean it just so happens tonight me and my girlfriends, well we came here lookin' for a guy from a group Howard: Ahhh! Mark: But just not ANY guy from ANY group Howard: Yeah? Mark: We're lookin' for a guy from a group with a DICK! Howard: Well! I can show you . . . Mark: But he's gotta have a dick WHICH IS A MONSTER! WAHHHHH! Howard: That's me! You peeked. That's me, you little Westwood wench nipple queen! Take me, I'm yours, you hole . . . Fulfill my wildest dreams Mark: Oh, oh, oh, anything for you, my most seductive pop star of a man Howard: Yeah? Mark: Picture this if you can . . . Howard: Okay, I'll try Mark: Bead jobs Howard: Bead jobs! Mark: Knotted nylons. Bamboo canes. Three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young fighting at the Fillmore East Howard: Oh, no . . .

Mark: Two unreleased recordings of . . . of the Grateful Dead sitting in with Mel Torme Howard: Yeah . . . No, I . . . oh, man, oh, I, I just . . . I CAN'T STAND IT! You understand me, baby, I mean . . . I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT! [...] ON FIRE! I'M GOING HOME! I GOTTA SEE MY BABY! I'M GONNA LOVE HER SO MUCH! I CAN'T STAND IT! 10. Ruthie-Ruthie 2:57 (Napoleon Murphy Brock/Richard Berry) based on Louie Louie (Richard Berry) Capitol Theatre, Passaic, New Jersey November 8, 1974 FZ--guitar/vocal Napoleon Murphy Brock--sax/lead vocal George Duke--keyboard/vocal Ruth Underwood--percussion Tom Fowler--bass Chester Thompson--drums FZ: I, I can't see you, but I know that you're out there. It's that little voice, that same little voice at all of the concerts, of the guy in the back of the room. It's going, "Weh-ne-heh Hehn-weh-ni-heh-ni-heh. Mini-mini-heh mini-hehn." Coupla years ago, there was a guy that used to come to all the concerts on the East Coast, I swore I heard him every night for a month, there he was somewhere in the audience, an' he would-- it's this little voice, and he would say, "Freak me out, Frank! Freak me out! Freak me out, Frank!" OK, here we go! Arf, arf. "Weh-ne-heh." Arf. Ruthie-Ruthie Where did you go? Oh, Ruthie-Ruthie, yeah yeah yeah wow wow wow wow Where did you go? Last night at Chatham Center Pittsburg, Pennsylvania I wanna tell ya a story Right after Ruth got through barfin' (WO-ULK!) She pushed her tray out the door Xerox men came crashin' in, said Ruthie-Ruthie Where did you go? (What did you do, now what did you do?) Ruthie-Ruthie (Oh yeah) What did you do? (Where did you go, go?) Lookit here! Ruthie had on a thin night gown She wasn't feelin' very well, no no no no She pushed her tray out the door Some guy tried to come in She kicked him in the nuts, He said, "Oh, oh, oh, oh!" Ruthie-Ruthie What did you do? (Now, what did you do? What did you . . . what did you do?) Ruthie-Ruthie (Ruthie-Ruthie, that was the best thing anybody could do) What did you do, now? FZ: Well, we have another song for you that goes far beyond Louie Louie, Ruthie-Ruthie, or even Brian Brian, this song is so advanced it takes us all the way from 1955 directly to approximately 1957, which is when it should have been written, but actually it was written about

1970. This is a song, we'd like to dedicate this song to Marty, our road manager, who has a fondness for the canine species, and the orifice attendant thereto. 11. Babbette 3:35 Capitol Theatre, Passaic, New Jersey November 8, 1974 FZ--guitar/vocal Napoleon Murphy Brock--sax/lead vocal George Duke--keyboard/vocal Ruth Underwood--percussion Tom Fowler--bass Chester Thompson--drums Don't tell me no, Babbette (I mean, Duke) Don't you tear my dream Don't you break my heart Darling, we could share a love so fine Please, doggy Won't you be mine (Hi-aye-hi . . . yah!) Don't tell me no, Babbette Can't you see that I Don't wanna make you cry You're the only one like this before Please, Babbette, it's you I adore! (You I a-do-ore!) Oh-oh! Oh-ow . . . Oh, how I want you I really really want you I need your love to guide my way Oh, oh, oh! Oh, how I need you I really really need you Don't try to bark And I'll take you to the park Arf, Arf, Arf! No, Babbette Don't you tear my dream Don't you break my heart Oh, ah ah! (We could share a love) We . . . (We could share a love) Y'know, (We could share a love) Babbette, (We could share a love) I know I had to go on a tour with Zappa That's what Marty said, he said: But Babbette, Well, y'know, when I need a little bit of your lovin', Babbette I brought along a whistle around my neck So I could call ya, Babbette I said, Whaaa-aaaah-ooooh! Could nobody hear that whistle but Babbette. Oh, it's a strange dog whistle The only dogs that answer are Great Danes, German Shepherds, Doberman pinschers, all Marty's women You know I said, no, no, no, Babbette. Share my love Don't make me cry-y (Don't let me cry) Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, Babbette Share my love Don't make me, don't make me, don't make me cry Oh-ooh-ow-ow-ow well . . . arf, arf, arf, arf, arf Please . . . (it's what Marty say to all his dogs)

(FZ: Marty, there's a phone call for you.) Please . . .

The Roxy, Los Angeles, CA December 8-10, 1973

12. I'm The Slime 3:13

FZ--lead guitar Napoleon Murphy Brock--sax George Duke--keyboard Ruth Underwood--percussion Bruce Fowler--trombone Tom Fowler--bass Chester Thompson--drums Ralph Humphrey--drums

• Over-Nite Sensation • Zappa In New York The Roxy, Los Angeles, CA December 8-10, 1973 FZ--lead guitar/lead vocal Napoleon Murphy Brock--sax/vocal George Duke--keyboard/vocal Ruth Underwood--percussion Bruce Fowler--trombone Tom Fowler--bass Chester Thompson--drums Ralph Humphrey--drums I'm gross and perverted I'm obsessed 'n deranged I have existed for years But very little has changed I'm the tool of the Government And industry too For I am destined to rule And regulate you I may be vile and pernicious But you can't look away I make you think I'm delicious With the stuff that I say I am the best you can get Have you guessed me yet? Well, I'm the slime oozin' out From your TV set You will obey me while I lead you And eat the garbage that I feed you Until the day that we don't need you Don't go for help . . . no one will heed you Your mind is totally controlled It has been stuffed into my mold And you will do as you are told Until the rights to you are sold, hey That's right, folks . . . Don't touch that dial Well, I am the slime from your video Oozin' along on your livin' room floor I am the slime from your video Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go I am the slime from your video Oozin' along on your livin' room floor I am the slime from your video Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go 13. Big Swifty 8:47

• Waka/Jawaka • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 • Make A Jazz Noise Here

14. Don't Eat The Yellow Snow 20:16

• Apostrophe (') • Halloween includes Nanook Rubs It, St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast, Father O'Blivion and Rollo also includes quotes from Midnight Sun (Hampton/Burke/Mercer), Under Milk Wood (Thomas), Spring Song (Mendelssohn) and Dragnet (Schumann/Rósza) Hammersmith Odeon, London, UK February 18-19, 1979 FZ--guitar/lead vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocals Denny Walley--slide guitar/vocals Warren Cuccurullo--guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards/lead vocals Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums/seal call Dreamed I was an Eskimo Frozen wind began to blow Under my boots 'n around my toe Frost had bit the ground below Was a hundred degrees below zero And my momma cried: You don't really look like an Eskimo That's right, mom! And my momma cried again: You don't really look like an Eskimo I know, mom, but it's a . . . it's a way to earn a living And my momma cried, one more time: You don't really look like an Eskimo Nanook, no no Nanook, no no Don't be a naughty Eskimo, hey! (Get back home with yo' mama That's right, answered the lama) Save your money: don't go to the show Well I turned around an' I said: HO HO Well I turned around an' I said one more time: HO HO Well I turned around an' I said (just for Vinnie): HO HO An' the Northern Lites commenced t' glow WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO AN' DON'T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO AN' DON'T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW Well right about that time, people, A fur trapper

Who was strictly from commercial (Strictly Commershil) Had the unmedicated audacity to jump up from behind my igyaloo (Peek-a-Boo) And he started in to whippin' on my fav'rite baby seal With a lead-filled snow shoe . . . ([...]) With a lead LEAD Filled LEAD-FILLED With a lead-filled snow shoe SNOW SHOE He said Peak-a-boo PEEK-A-BOO With a lead LEAD Filled LEAD-FILLED With a lead-filled snow shoe SNOW SHOE He said Peak-a-boo. (Butzis too) PEEK-A-BOO He went right up side the head of my favorite baby seal Hit him on the nose, that's right Hit him on the fin, yes He went WHAP! An' that got me just about as evil As an Eskimo boy can be . . . so I bent down 'n I reached down 'n I scooped down An' I gathered up a generous mitten full of the deadly . . . YELLOW SNOW The deadly Yellow Snow from right there where the huskies go (Over by Butzis' room) An' then I proceeded to rub it all into his beady little eyes With a vigorous circular motion Hitherto unknown to the citizens of Canarsie, But destined to take the place of THE MUD SHARK In your mythology THE VIGOROUS CIRCULAR MOTION . . . Here it goes, RUB IT! (HEY . . . HEY . . . HEY . . . ) FZ: Alright, now this is the really exciting part of the show. This is the part I always like the best, because this is where I get to find out what you guys are made of. And you gals, too. This is the part where we have, we are purported to have, audience participation. Now, I know it's a matinee, and y'know, you're probably in a hurry to go get something to EAT, but I figure that this little audience participation that we're gonna do right now is SO TOTALLY STUPID that it's, well just think of it as an aperitivo, y'know what I mean? So, okay, everybody, stand up. Stand up now. Alright, that's very good. OK, a lot of you people are still sitting down, no, don't walk forward, just stand up. Stand where you are. OK, is everybody standing up? Well, most of you are standing up, okay, the ones who aren't standing up, hey, eat chain. Enforced recreation, live on stage in London. Now, we're gonna do away with the fur trapper now, the guy's been hittin' my baby seal quite a bit, baby seal doesn't look too good. Bleeding from the mouth and rectum, looks terminal. So what we're gonna do, is we're altogether gonna jump up and down this sunofabitch, now watch me. I'll do the stupid thing first, and then you shy people follow. Ready? Here we go . . . Hi, are you okay? Angus: Fine FZ: I know . . . Angus: I love you Ike: Relative of Joey Psychotic FZ: Hello, how ya doin'? Angus: Can I come up 'n recite a po-im? FZ: No, but I'll tell you what, you can stay there and recite a poem. Here, what's your name? I'll hold it, it's okay, it might break. Angus: Angus O'Riley O'Patrick McGinty FZ: Don't hold it Denny?: Joey Narcotic Angus: Angus O'Riley O'Patrick McGinty FZ: Wanna recite your, uh, poem now? Angus: Yeah . . .

Angus: Burnt wind Heart stinks Charred man Burns Squirm screeing FZ: Is there more? Angus: PAIN! (Yes!) FZ: Very essential. And now . . . thank you! Alright, now, as if, as if that weren't enough, watch this. I'm going to do something completely stupid and then after I demonstrate the stupidity of it all you're gonna do the same thing and that will sort of bind us together in some sort of cosmic, hands across the water, kind of symbolic, kind of . . . just forget it. Okay? Here we go, watch this . . . Denny: It's Jumbo FZ: It's Jumbo, that's right Denny: Jumbo, come back! Now, you pounce And you pounce again Jump up 'n down on the chest of a . . . GREAT GOOGLY-MOOGLY FZ: You're gonna do it too, now. Hey, wasn't that really stupid? Ike: Sure that isn't 'bounce'? FZ: OK, tonight, though, we're, we're adding a new dimension to this. When we get to the fast part, when you jump up and down on the chest of a, we're gonna vamp for an extra coupla bars, now this is very important, bring the band on down behind me, boys, so they can understand this, when the band plays very quietly after we jump up and down on the chest of a, EVERYBODY'S gonna recite a poem, whaddya say? Okay? And I'm gonna be listening. No mistakes. Ready? Now, everybody jumps Now you pounce You pounce again You jump up 'n down on the chest of a, and recite a poem FZ: Wait, wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I like the poem better than the jumping. More poetry, please! Two Guys From The Audience: Rotten gulls beating with large rubber sails! Who cares? Now it is light! FZ: Alone in the hissing laboratory of his wishes, Mr Pugh minces among bad vats and jeroboams, spinneys of murdering herbs, and prepares to compound for Mrs Pugh a venomous porridge hitherto unknown to toxicologists which will scald and viper through her 'til her ears fall off like figs, her toes grow big and black as balloons, and steam comes screaming out of her navel. (Cakes! Cakes! Cakes!) FZ: Now, listen. The f . . . Sit down. The fur trapper was pretty fucked up. He had just been stomped upon and recited to by the entire contents of this audience. And you know what that can do to a guy who's wearing a . . . a PARKA. So he gets up . . . And looks around And looks around And looks around again And then he says (and you can sing along if you know the words) I CAN'T SEE (DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . YEAH!) I CAN'T SEE (DO DO-DO DO DO DO) I CAN'T SEE (DO DO-DO DO DO DO)

I CAN'T SEE (DO DO-DO DO DO DO) He took a dog-doo sno-cone An' stuffed it in my right eye He took a dog-doo sno-cone An' stuffed it in my other eye An' the huskie wee-wee, I mean the doggie wee-wee Has blinded me An', great Googly-Moogly, I can't see Temporarily (This is really stupid, isn't it?) Well, it was at that time that the fur trapper Remembered the ancient Eskimo legend Wherein it is written On whatever it is that they write it on up there That if anything bad ever happens to your eyes As a result of Enforced Recreation Live Onstage In London The only way that you can get it fixed up Is to go trudgin' across the tundra . . . Mile after mile Trudgin' across the tundra . . . Right down to the parish of Saint Alfonzo . . . (What, another poem?) Guy #1: I want a garden. I want a garden where the flowers have no flowers. I want a garden where the trees have no leaves. I want a garden where the tre-weeds don't even grow. I want a garden. I want MY garden. I want a garden where there are no colors. I want to water that garden. I'll garden that with my tears. Whilst that garden busted trees, Busted leaves, water me with my own. FZ: Sounds like a bunch of cakes for me Denny: Oh, you want kindergarten Guy #1: Hah-hah . . . Band Member: Denny strikes! FZ: Not bad, not bad. What's, what's the title of that? Guy #1: Broadmoor FZ: "Broadmoor," alright. Warren, do you know one called Lefrak City? Where's, where's Butzis? Ike: Prob'ly somewhere bendin' over FZ: Where is he? Are you . . . send Malkin up here . . . uh . . . Band Member: He's probably gettin' a hand job FZ: Yeah, I know that's just what I was thinking! Ha ha . . . He's in the lobby getting a blow job. Alright, sorry, maybe next show, we'll find him. One of these days we'll get him up here. Now, some of you people are probably not very religious, and one could hardly blame you. However, those of you who are religious, and who have been paying money into the church for years and years and are still waiting to get your money's worth, here's a little bit of information for ya (I don't know what you're gonna do with this information, but . . . ), Saint Alfonzo is, and probably will continue to be, for the duration of this show, the patron saint of the smelt fishermen of Portuguese extraction. Do you know what Portuguese extraction is? Very good. Anyway, in order that you may reach a higher level of conciousness, which is obviously the aim of our show, Ed Mann, who has been working on this little lick all afternoon, Ed, who only, he's, he's not sick, he only has bad mental health, Ed is going to play THE BIG ALFONZO MOTIF, let's hear it for him! That's right, here we are! At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast Where I stole the mar-juh-reen An' widdled on the Bingo Cards in lieu of the latrine I saw a handsome parish lady Make her entrance like a queen Why she was totally chenille And her old man was a Marine (Oh, cakes!)

As she abused a sausage pattie And said why don't you treat me mean? (Hurt me, hurt me, hurt me, oooooh!) (Pittie! Pattie! Pootie! Bootie-pootie!) At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast (Hah! Good God! Get off the bus!) Where I stole the mar-juh-reen . . . Saint Alfonzo Saint Alfonzo Saint Alfonzo Saint Alfonzo Ooo-ooo-WAH . . . Father Vivian O'Blivion Resplendent in his frock Was whipping up the batter For the pancakes of his flock He was looking rather bleary (He forgot to watch the clock) 'Cause the night before Behind the door A leprechaun had stroked (he stroked it) . . . The night before Behind the door A leprechaun had stroked (he stroked it) . . . The night before Behind the door A leprechaun had stroked . . . his . . . Sma-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ahhh (stroked his smock) Set him off in such a frenzy He sang LOCK AROUND THE CROCK An' he topped it off with a . . . An' he topped it off with a . . . An' he topped it off with a . . . WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO As he stumbled on his COCK (Cakes! Cakes! Cakes! Cakes!) He was delighted as it stiffened And ripped right through his sock Oh, Saint Alfonzo would be proud of me PROUD OF ME PROUD OF ME He shouted down the block Dominus Vo-bisque 'em Et come spear a tu-tu, Oh! Won't you eat my sleazy pancakes Just for Saintly Alfonzo They're so light 'n fluffy-white We'll raise a fortune by tonite They're so light 'n fluffy-white We'll raise a fortune by tonite They're so light 'n fluffy-brown They're the finest in the town They're so light 'n fluffy-brown They're the finest in the town Good morning, your Highness Ooo-ooo-ooo I brought you your snow shoes Ooo-ooo-ooo, yeah! Good morning, your Highness Ooo-ooo-ooo I brought you your snow shoes Ooo-ooo-ooo Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-nanook Na-na-na-na-na-nanook-oh

Nanook Rubs it Saint Al Al Fo-fo-fo Fo-fo-fo-fo-fo-fonzo Saint Alfonzo really loves it when he rubs it for him I have seen him rubbin' it I have seen him rubbin' it I have, I have a-seen him stroke his weenie (It was teenie) Rub it, rub it, rub it, rub it, rub Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it Nanook's rubbin' it, 'n Alfie's lovin' it Saint Alfonzo, can you hear us praying to you? Can you fix my Chevy? Boy, you're really heavy Here's the church and here's the steeple Open up and see the people Some are kneelin', some are standin' All the money they are handing To some asshole with a basket Where it goes we dare not ask it Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it This here basket, really shoves it Here's your quarter, here's your dollar Let's play ring around the collar Hup! Hey, get it now! (Hey, get it now! He took all your little gifts) THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, FRIEND! FZ: Denny, Ikey, Tommy, Eddie, Petey, Vinnie, Artie, Sophia Warren on guitar, I forgot your name on poetry but thanks for reciting it anyway. Thanks for coming to the show, hope you enjoyed it, and, good night! disc 2 1. Plastic People 4:38 (FZ/Richard Berry)

• Joe's Corsage • The Old Masters Box One Mystery Disc • Absolutely Free • Mothermania based on Louie Louie (Richard Berry) The Factory, The Bronx, NYC February 13, 1969 FZ--guitar/lead vocal Lowell George--guitar/vocal Roy Estrada--bass/vocal Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner--trumpet Ian Underwood--alto sax Bunk Gardner--tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax

Jimmy Carl Black--drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III--drums Roy?: Eeee! FZ: Alright, there's a green Chevy, license number 650 BN in Barry's lot. Gotta move it. I repeat, there is a green Chevy, license number 650 BN in Barry's lot. Guy #1: There's a '54 out there too, Frank. FZ: There's a what? Guy #1: A '54. FZ: There's a '54 what? Guy #1: A '54 what? Guy #2: Did you announce the action burgers? Guy #3: Action burgers . . . ! Guy #1: It's a Ford-uhhhh . . . FZ: Please, do yourself and move your short before somebody takes it away. They're serving burgers in the back! If you go for burgers, you'll love the burgers here. They have some burgers in this place, when you open 'em up, y'know . . . you hold 'em like this, and go way in the back where nobody can see you. Some people eat them that way. Guy #4: Take 'em back to Philadelphia! FZ: What? Guy #4: Philadelphia! FZ: What about Philadelphia? Guy #4: Cream cheese. FZ: That's it . . . FZ: Now, if you'll analyze what we're playing here, if you use your ear and listen, you can learn something about music, y'see? "Louie Louie" is the same as the other song with one extra note, see? . . . They're, they're very closely related and they mean just about the same thing. Plastic people You gotta go (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah) Plastic people You gotta go-UH! A fine little girl She waits for me She's as plastic As she can be She paints her face With plastic goo And wrecks her hair With some shampoo Plastic people You gotta go-UH Plastic people You gotta go (Sure gonna miss ya) Take a day And walk around Watch the nazis Run your town Then go home And check yourself You think we're singing 'Bout someone else . . . but you're Plastic people You gotta go (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah) Plastic people You gotta go

Three nights and days I walk the streets This town is full Of plastic creeps Their shoes are brown To match their suits They got no balls They got no roots . . . because they're Plastic people You gotta go (Sure gonna miss ya, bop, bop, bop) Plastic people You gotta go Me see a neon Moon above I searched for years And found no love I'm sure that love Will never be A product of Plasticity 2. The Torture Never Stops 15:48

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 • FZ:OZ • Zoot Allures • Zappa In New York • Thing-Fish • The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life includes a quote from Chattanooga Choo Choo (Warren-Gordon) Unknown venue c. February-March, 1978 FZ--lead guitar/lead vocal Adrian Belew--guitar/vocal Tommy Mars--keyboards/vocal Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Patrick O'Hearn--bass Terry Bozzio--drums Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair Prisoners grumble and piss their clothes and scratch their matted hair A tiny light from a window hole a hundred yards away Is all they ever get to know about the regular life in the day; An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin' 'N weepin' greenish drops In the room where the giant fire puffer works 'N the torture never stops The torture never stops The torture The torture The torture never stops. Slime 'n rot, rats 'n snot 'n vomit on the floor Fifty ugly soldiers, man, holdin' spears by the iron door Knives 'n spikes 'n guns 'n the likes of every tool of pain An' a sinister midget with a bucket an' a mop A sinister midget with a bucket an' a mop A sinister midget with a bucket an' a mop Where the blood goes down the drain; An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin' 'N weepin' greenish drops

In the room where the giant fire puffer works 'N the torture never stops The torture never stops The torture The torture The torture never stops. Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair An evil prince eats a steamin' pig in a chamber right near there He eats the snouts 'n the trotters first The loin's 'n the groin's is soon dispersed His carvin' style is well rehearsed He stands and shouts All men be cursed All men be cursed All men be cursed All men be cursed And disagree Hey, nobody would disagree with him! No-one durst He's the best of course of all the worst (He's the best of course of all the worst) Some wrong been done, he done it first (Some wrong been done, he done it first) An' he stinks so bad, his bones been chokin' 'N weepin' greenish drops, In the night of the iron sausage, Where the torture never stops The torture never stops The torture The torture The torture never stops Torture time now! Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair Who are all these people that he's locked away down there Are they crazy?, Are they sainted? Are they zeros someone painted?, Well, it's never been explained since at first it was created But a dungeon just like a sin Requires naught but lockin' in Of everything that's ever been Look at hers Look at him That's what's the deal we're dealing in That's what's the deal we're dealing in That's what's the deal we're dealing in That's what's the deal we're dealing in Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! 3. Fine Girl 2:55

• Tinsel Town Rebellion Parco Redecesio, Milan July 7, 1982 FZ--guitar/lead vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass/vocal Chad Wackerman--drums Well, yeah, well Oh yeah She was a fine girl She could get down wit de get down All de way down

She do yer laundry She change a tire Chop a little wood for de fire Poke it around . . . if it died down Oh yeah She was a fine girl She go up in the mornin' She go down in the evenin' . . . all de way down She do your dishes If you wishes Silverware too She make it look brand new . . . when she get through Oh yeah She was a fine girl Outa this world Well, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well Oh yeah (Oh yeah, yeah!) She was a fine girl (Fine gi-rl!) She could get down (Woo-hoo!) Wit de get down All de way down (Yeah!) She do your laundry (I don't like laundry!) She change a tire (Why, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah . . . ) Chop a little wood for de fire (Ooh) Poke it around . . . if it died down Oh yeah (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!) She was a fine girl (Fine girl, hey) With a lovely smile With a bucket on her head Fulla water from de well She could run a mile Oh yeah (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!) She wouldn't spill a drop It'd stay on top Her head was kinda flat But her hair covered that She was a fine girl (Fine girl, fine girl, hey) Didn't need no school She was built like a mule With a thong sandal (Woo-hoo!) It wasn't no kinda job she could not handle She could get down . . . (Get do-win!) Wit de get down (Yeah yeah yeah) All de way down (Wooh!) We need some more like dat In dis kinda town (Well, we . . . ) We need some more like dat In dis kinda town (Well, we . . . ) We need some more like dat In dis kinda town (Well, we . . . ) We need some more like dat In dis kinda town 4. Zomby Woof 5:39

• Over-Nite Sensation • The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Parco Redecesio, Milan, Italy July 7, 1982 Guitar solo: Hammersmith Odeon, London, UK June 19, 1982; late show FZ--lead guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/lead vocal Ed Mann--percussion

Scott Thunes--bass/vocal Chad Wackerman--drums Three hundred years ago I thought I might get some sleep I stretched myself out onna antique bed An' my spirit did a midnite creep You know I'll never sleep no more It seem to me that it just ain't wise Didja ever wake up in the mornin' With a ZOMBY WOOF behind your eyes Just about as evil as you could be I am the ZOMBY WOOF I'm that creature all the ladies been Talkin' about I am the ZOMBY WOOF They all seek for shelter when I come chargin' out Tellin' you all the Zomby troof Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF Tellin' you all the Zomby troof Here I'm is . . . Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF They said aw-reety An' they was aw-righty An' I was a Zomby for you, little lady . . . I got a great big pointed fang Which is my Zomby Toof My right foot's bigger than my other one is Like a reg'lar Zomby Hoof If I raid your dormitorium Don't try to remain aloof . . . I might snatch you up screamin' through the window all nekkid An' do it to you up on the roof, don't mess with the ZOMBY WOOF, no . . . I am about as bad as a Boogie Man can be! Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF 5. Sweet Leilani 2:39 (Harry Owens) The Ballroom, Stratford, Connecticut February 16, 1969 FZ--guitar/voice Lowell George--guitar Roy Estrada--bass Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner--trumpet

Ian Underwood--alto sax Bunk Gardner--tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black--drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III--drums Emcee: The Mothers Of Invention. Guy In The Audience: Turn it on! FZ: It's on. Mother: That's one of our mics, isn't it? These two? FZ: "Sweet Leilani." In A. Just pretend it was thirty years ago, and this was the first song of the night for the kind of a band that your mother and father used to go and cream over. 6. Oh No 4:34

• Lumpy Gravy • Weasels Ripped My Flesh • Ahead Of Their Time • Roxy & Elsewhere • Make A Jazz Noise Here The Ballroom, Stratford, Connecticut February 16, 1969 FZ--lead guitar Lowell George--guitar/güiro Roy Estrada--bass Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner--trumpet Ian Underwood--alto sax Bunk Gardner--tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood--tambourine Jimmy Carl Black--drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III--drums

7. Be In My Video 3:29

• Them Or Us includes a quote from Let's Dance (Bowie) Backstage 1970: Aynsley Dunbar and two unknown girls The Pier, NYC August 26, 1984 FZ--lead vocal Ike Willis--vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/tenor sax/vocal Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Aynsley: Yeah . . . Girl #1: I would go to Orlando if you, uh, would let me on your plane. Girl #2: That's what I said about this. Aynsley: You gonna gimme a quick knob-job, then, on the way down? Girl #1: Sure. Girl #2: That's the price. Aynsley: Yeah?

Girl #1: Sure. Guy #1: This guy's crude! Girl #2: You know, there's always a catch. Aynsley: She'll come down, she'll come down. We might as well get it. You'll do the whole band? Girl #1: Sure. Aynsley: Yeah? Be in my video, Darling, every night I will rent a cage for you And mi j-i-nits dressed in white (teeny-little-tiny-little . . . ) Twirl around in a lap dissolve Pretend to sing the words I'll rent a gleaming limousine; Release a flock of Ber-herna-herna-herna Herna-her-nerds Why don't you Wear a leather collar And a dagger in your ear (Stabbinitin-stabbinitin-stabbinitin-stabbinitin-YOU!) I will make you smell the glove And try to look sincere, then we'll Dance the blues (Oh yes, we'll dance the blues) Let's dance the blues (What a terrific idea!) Let's dance the blues (Oh, you'll love it, it's a way of life) Under the megawatt moonlight Pretend to be Chinese, (One-hung-low) I'll make you wear red shoes There's a cheesy atom bomb explosion All the big groups use Atomic light will shine Through an old venetian blind Making patterns on your face, An' then it cuts to outer space With its billions & billions & Billions & billions (Oh, be) Be in my video (In my video) Darling, every night (Darling, every night) Everyone in cable-land (Everyone in cable-gable-land) Will say you're 'outa-site' (Will say you're really 'outa-site') You can show your legs (You can show your pretty legs) While you're getting in the car, then (In my red hot-rod car, then I . . . ) I will look repulsive (With my big ears and all) While I mangle my guitar Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee, Moo-ahhhh

Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee, Moo-moo-ahhhh Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee, Moo-ahhhh Tee-nu-nee----moo-ahhhh Tee-nu-nee----moo-wah-wah-wah-ooo After all the close-up shots Of you in bondage leather They'll spray an alley with a hose And then we'll MINE THE HARBOR Dance de blude agin Led dance de blude agin (oh, yeah) Led dance de blude agin In de middle o' de alley Let's dance your face Let's dance your lips Let's dance your nose And then we'll dance your sinus It's definitely a case of MOO-AHHHH! 8. The Deathless Horsie 5:29

• Halloween • Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Some More The Pier, NYC August 26, 1984 FZ--lead guitar Ike Willis--guitar Ray White--guitar Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums

Sometimes The milk can hurt you (If you put it on your cereal Before you smell the plastic container) And the stuff in the strainer Has a mind of its own So be very careful In the dangerous kitchen When the night time has fallen And the roaches are crawlin' In the kitchen of danger You can feel like a stranger The bananas are black They got flies in the back And also the chicken In the dish with the foil Where the cream is all clabbered And the salad is frightful Your return in the evening Can be less than delightful You must walk very careful You must not lean against it It can get on your clothing It can follow you in As you walk to the bedroom And you take all your clothes off While you're sleeping It crawls off It gets in your bed It could get on your face then It could eat your complexion You could die from the danger Of the dangerous kitchen Who the fuck wants to clean it? It's disgusting and dirty The sponge on the drainer Is stinky and squirty If you squeeze it when you wipe up What you get on your hands then Could unbalance your glands and Make you blind or whatever . . . In the dangerous kitchen At my house tonight 10. Dumb All Over 4:20

9. The Dangerous Kitchen 1:49

• The Man From Utopia The Pier, NYC August 26, 1984 FZ--lead vocal Ike Willis--vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums The dangerous kitchen If it aint't one thing it's another In the middle of the night when you come home The bread things are all dry 'n scratchy The meat things where the cats ate trough the paper The soft little things on the floor that you step on They can all be DANGEROUS

• You Are What You Is • Have I Offended Someone? includes quotes from Manx Needs Women and a Hawaiian Punch commercial The Palladium, NYC October 31, 1981; early show FZ--lead vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Hotel room mo-mo-mo-mom mo-mo-mom Hotel room mo-mo-mo-mom mo-mo-mom Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay!

Whoever we are Wherever we're from We shoulda noticed by now Our behavior is dumb And if our chances Expect to improve It's gonna take a lot more Than tryin' to remove The other race Or the other whatever From the face Of the planet altogether

But their book says: "REVENGE THE CRUSADES . . . With whips 'n chains 'N hand grenades . . . " TWO ARMS? TWO ARMS? Have another and another Our God says: "There ain't no other!" Our God says "It's all okay!" Our God says "This is the way!"

They call it THE EARTH Which is a dumb kinda name But they named it right 'Cause we behave the same . . . We are dumb all over Dumb all over, Yes we are Dumb all over, Near 'n far Dumb all over, Black 'n white People, we is not wrapped tight

It says in the book: "Burn 'n destroy . . . Repent, 'n redeem 'N revenge, 'n deploy 'N rumble thee forth To the land of the unbelieving scum on the other side 'Cause they don't go for what's in the book 'N that makes 'em BAD So verily we must choppeth them up And stompeth them down Or rent a nice French bomb To poof them out of existance While leaving their real estate just where we need it To use again For temples in which to praise OUR GOD ("Cause he can really GO HAWAIIAN!")

Nurds on the left Nurds on the right Religious fanatics On the air every night Sayin' the Bible Tells the story 'N makes the details Sound real gory 'Bout what to do If the geeks over there Don't believe in the book You got over here You can't run a race Without no feet 'N pretty soon There won't be no street For dummies to jog on Or doggies to dog on Religious fanatics Can make it be all gone (It won't blow up 'N disappear It'll just look ugly For a thousand years . . . ) You can't run a country By a book of religion Not by a heap Or a lump or a smidgeon Of foolish rules Of ancient date Designed to make You all feel great While you fold, spindle And mutilate Those unbelievers From a neighboring state TO ARMS! TO ARMS! Hooray! That's great Two legs ain't bad Unless there's a crate They ship the parts To mama in For souvenirs: two ears (Get Down!) Not his, not hers (but what the hey?) The Good Book says: "It gotta be that way!"

And when his humble TV servant With a brown suit, Glasses, Maybe a blonde wife who takes phone calls Tells us it's okay to do this stuff Then we gotta do it, 'Cause if we don't do it, We ain't gwine up to hebbin! Ain't that right? It's right. I mean, seriously, This television evangelist stuff is DANGEROUS BUSINESS. Don't let 'em get ya. Anyway, listen. We can't really be dumb If we're just following God's Orders After all He wrote this book here An' in the book it says: "He made us all to be just like Him," so . . . If we're dumb . . . Then God is dumb . . . (An' maybe even a little ugly on the side) DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE 11. Heavenly Bank Account 4:05

• You Are What You Is The Palladium, NYC October 31, 1981; early show FZ--lead vocal Ray White--guitar/lead vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Ed Mann--percussion

Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums And if these words you do not heed Your pocketbook just kinda might recede When some man comes along and claims a godly need He will clean you out right through your tweed That's right, remember there is a big difference between kneeling down and bending over . . . He's got twenty million dollars In his Heavenly Bank Account . . . All from those chumps who was Born again Oh yeah, oh yeah He's got seven limousines And a private plane . . . All for the use of his Special Friends Oh yeah, oh yeah He's got thousand-dollar suits And a Wembley Tie . . . Girls love to stroke it While he's on the phone Oh yeah, oh yeah At the House of Representatives He's a groovy guy . . . When he Gives Thanks He is not alone . . . He is dealin' He is really dealin' IRS can't determine Where The Hook is It is easy with the Bible To pretend that You're in Show Biz (And a-one, and a-two, and a . . . ) They won't get him They will never get him For the naughty stuff That he did (No no no no, no no no no . . . ) It is best in cases like this To pretend that You are stupid (DOH . . . ) He's got Presidential Help All along the way He says the grace While the lawyers chew Oh yeah They sure do And the Governors agree to say: "He's a lovely man!" He makes it easier for Them to screw All of you . . . Yes, that's true!

'Cause he helps put The Fear of God In the Common Man Snatchin' up money Everywhere he can Oh yeah Oh yeah He's got twenty million dollars In his Heavenly Bank Account You ain't got nothin', people (TAX THE CHURCHES!) You ain't got nothin', people (TAX THE BUSINESSES OWNED BY THE CHURCHES!) You ain't got nothin', people Thank the man . . . oh yeah That's right You ain't got nothin' And they got it all And your miserable ass Is up against the wall The only thing you have not tried It's the sport of chumps And that's SUICIDE 12. Suicide Chump 4:56

• Halloween • You Are What You Is The Palladium, NYC October 31, 1981; early show FZ--lead vocal Ray White--guitar solo/vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboard solo Bobby Martin--keyboards/tenor sax solo/vocal Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass/vocal Chad Wackerman--drums You say there ain't no use in livin' It's all a waste of time 'N you wanna throw your life away, well People that's just fine Go ahead on 'n get it over with then Find you a bridge 'n take a jump Just make sure you do it right the first time 'Cause nothin's worse than a Suicide Chump You say there ain't no light a-shinin' Through the bushes up ahead 'N we're all gonna be so sorry When we find out you are dead Go head on 'n get it over with then Find you a bridge 'n take a jump Just make sure you do it right the first time 'Cause nothin's worse than a Suicide Chump Now maybe you're scared of jumpin' 'N poison makes you sick But you want a little attention 'N you need it pretty quick Don't wanna mess your face up Or we won't know if it's you Aw, there's just so much to worry about Now what you gonna do? Go ahead on 'n get it over with then Find you a bridge 'n take a jump Just make sure you do it right the first time

'Cause nothin's worse than a Suicide Chump (Oh, tell 'em one time!) Maybe you're scared of jumpin' 'N poison makes you sick But you want a little attention 'N you need it pretty quick Don't wanna mess your face up Or we won't know if it's you Aw, there's just so much to worry about Now what you gonna do? Go head on 'n get it over with then Go head on 'n get it over with then Go head on 'n get it over with then Go head on 'n get it over with then Go head on 'n get it over with then Go head on 'n get it over with then Go head on 'n get it over with then You're on the bridge; Scared to leap, But a girl walks over To take a peep . . . She says: "DON'T DO IT!" But wouldn't you know . . . The girl's got a head Like a buffalo With a little red hair All over the top An' her breath would make the Traffic stop She says "I LOVE YOU . . . BUT FIRST, LET'S EAT!" And all you can say as you run down the street is . . .

Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Like I want you to Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Girl . . . girl . . . girl . . . I wanna feel it, give me your love now Don't make me steal it, don't make me steal it Tell me you love me, tell me you love me, Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Tell me you love me, tell me you love me, Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Like I want you to Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Girl . . . girl . . . girl . . . I love you so hard now, I'm cryin' for you Burnin' with fire, I gotta hot desire 'Cause I gotta make love with you, 'Cause I gotta make love with you 'Cause I gotta make love with you, 'Cause I gotta make love with you Tell me you love me, like I want you to Tell me you love me, like I want you to Tell me you love me, like I want you to (Yeaaaaah . . . ) 14. Sofa #2 3:01

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 • One Size Fits All • Zappa In New York • The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life

13. Tell Me You Love Me 2:09 Stadio Communale, Pistoia, Italy July 5, 1982

• Chunga's Revenge • Tinsel Town Rebellion • Broadway The Hard Way

FZ--guitar/voice Ray White--guitar Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--Minimoog Chad Wackerman--drums

Stadio Communale, Pistoia, Italy July 5, 1982 FZ--lead vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Like I want you to Tell me you love me, tell me you love me Girl . . . girl . . . girl . . . I love you so hard now, I'm cryin' for you Don't make me lose my pride I wanna come inside And grab ahold of you And grab ahold of you

( . . . hey!) Ray White Tommy Mars Chad Wackerman Ed Mann Bobby Martin Scott Thunes Steve Vai Thanks for coming to the show Hope you liked it Goodnight

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Original transcription from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage mainly by Hans Hendriks and Patrick Neve Further corrections and additions by Román, Bossk (R), Mike (MDec500157), AJ Wilkes, Chris Maxfield, Patrick Neve, Pat Buzby, Chris West and Charles Ulrich

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2. The Helsinki Concert (Zappa, October 1988) 11. Cheepnis 4:29 disc 1 disc 2 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Tush Tush Tush (A Token Of My Extreme) 2:48 Stinkfoot 4:18 Inca Roads 10:54 RDNZL 8:43 Village Of The Sun 4:33 Echidna's Arf (Of You) 3:30 Don't You Ever Wash That Thing? 4:56 Pygmy Twylyte 8:22 Room Service 6:22 The Idiot Bastard Son 2:39 Arranged, produced, compiled and edited by Frank Zappa Kulttuuritalo, Helsinki, Finland September 22-23, 1974 Recording engineer: Jukka Teittinen Remix engineer: Bob Stone Package design by Art Hotel, inc. FZ lead guitar/vocal Napoleon Murphy Brock sax/vocal George Duke keyboards/vocal Ruth Underwood percussion Tom Fowler bass Chester Thompson drums

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

Approximate 8:11 Dupree's Paradise 23:59 Satumaa (Finnish Tango) (Mononen) 3:51 T'Mershi Duween 1:31 The Dog Breath Variations 1:38 Uncle Meat 2:28 Building A Girl 1:00 Montana (Whipping Floss) 10:15 Big Swifty 2:17

disc 1 1. Tush Tush Tush (A Token Of My Extreme) Joe's Garage Acts II & III

George: That's what I was tryin' to do last night when that, that . . . Napoleon: It's your protein and the energy George: . . . wouldn't let me in the cotton pickin', stopped me from gettin' in the room, wouldn't let me in the hotel . . . Napoleon: Wait a minute, I think I recognize that fella George: Oh, I got a key to the . . .

Napoleon: [Bittle of melon, bittle lit of melon, whatza matter? Yessir . . . Romero], everybody gotta say:

HEH HEH HEH

HEH HEH HEH

FZ: Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to our program tonight, which features Ruth Underwood on percussion . . . George: Oh yeah, oh yeah . . .

George: Oh yeah! Napoleon: It's a, it, it, it's about all the sunshine here in Fin . . . Fin . . . Finland. And all that kinda stuff that makes you wanna have a little . . .

HEH HEH HEH

TUSH TUSH TUSH George: And then I told her, I said, why don't you and me get together goin' up to my . . . Napoleon: Wait a minute! What's that you pullin' outta your purse? George: But she, she said . . . Napoleon: Wait a minute, I said WHAT?

FZ: Napoleon Murphy Brock on TUSH TUSH TUSH, Chester Thompson on drums . . . George: Oh yeah, oh yeah . . . FZ: Tom Fowler on bass, and George Duke on keyboards HEH HEH HEH FZ: And the name of the very first song that we're going to play tonight to you . . .

HEH HEH HEH

SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK

George: Napoleon say he don't use them things and he ain't interested because . . . Napoleon: Wait a minute, what's wrong with you anyway? What is that for, anyway? Ain't never seen nothin' like that in my life. Only thing I've seen looks to me like a little video . . .

FZ: Is "Stink-Foot"

TUSH TUSH TUSH Napoleon: An' uh . . . George: Except for that lady in ah, wherever it was . . . And ah . . . Napoleon: Hey, wait a minute . . . George: No, I ain't talkin' about . . . She gave everybody in the group about . . . Napoleon: Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute . . . George: . . . twelve of them son-of-a-guns, an' I said, a black one, a pink one, and uh . . . Napoleon: Wait a minute, every different color, and a color for . . . HEH HEH HEH Napoleon: I said, I can't use that stuff George: I told her I couldn't use 'em neither but she gave 'em Napoleon: I owned 'em for about six months and then I just threw 'em all all over Ruth's drums, but I think . . . George: But then she said . . . bah, ha, ha, ha! Y'all is crazy! Napoleon: It was nice and pretty though, the . . . HEH HEH HEH George: But Ruth said she wasn't gonna give up unless you all use some of them KFMR . . . Napoleon: And she said after the show, Brian, all you have to do is come in to ring the bell at room three oh . . . HEH HEH HEH Ha Ha Ha . . . George: Oh yeah, oh yeah Napoleon: Our mom said you guys better take some cheese up there in this room TUSH TUSH TUSH

2. Stinkfoot Apostrophe (') FZ:OZ Halloween Make A Jazz Noise Here includes a quote from Dragnet (Schumann/Rósza) (Hi, Ruth) In the dark (wow) Where all the fevers grow (All night) Under the water (Water) Where the shark bubbles blow (Wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh) In the mornin' (Mornin') By yer radio (Radio! Giddyup!) Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya (Yeah, they do) You ain't got no friends . . . An' all the others: they hate ya Does the life you been livin' gotta go, hmmm? Well, lemme straighten you out About a little Russian restaurant I know . . . (Oh, yeah) (Get yer shoes 'n socks on people, It's right aroun' the corner!) (Well . . . ) Out through the night An' the whispering breezes To the place where they keep The Imaginary Diseases, Out through the night An' the whispering breezes To the place where they keep The Imaginary Diseases . . .

Now scientists call this disease Bromidrosis (That's right!) And well they should (Sure 'nuff) Even Napoleon knows that (Ha ha ha ha!) But us regular folks Who might wear a tennis shoe Or an occasional python boot Know this exquisite little inconvenience By the name of: STINK FOOT Y'know, my python boot is too tight (POOOH!) I couldn't get it off last night (POOOH!) A week went by, an' now it's July I finally got it off An' my girl-friend cry "You got STINK FOOT! STINK FOOT, darlin' Your STINK FOOT puts the hurts on my nose! STINK FOOT! STINK FOOT! I ain't lyin', (No way!) Can you rinse it off, d'you suppose?" Here Fido . . . Here Fido . . . Here Fido . . . bring the slippers, little puppy Yes, that's a good dog, yes! "Arf, arf, arf!" Sick . . . FZ: And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have a song for you about flying saucers. This song is going to be sung for you by George, and the name of the song is "Inca Roads."

Or did someone Build a place To leave a space For such a thing to land Did a vehicle Come from somewhere out there Did a vehicle come From somewhere out there Did the Indians, first on the bill Carve up the hill Did a booger-bear Come from somewhere out there Just to land on Romero? Was she round And did she have a motor Or was she something different Guacamole Queen Guacamole Queen Guacamole Queen At the Armadillo in Austin Texas, her aura, Or did someone build a place Or leave a space for Chester's Thing to land (Chester's Thing . . . on Ruth) Did a booger-bear Come from somewhere out there Did a booger-bear Come from somewhere out there Did the Indians, first on the bill Carve up her hill On Ruth On Ruth That's Ruth

3. Inca Roads FZ: Thank you! The Lost Episodes One Size Fits All The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life includes a quote from Approximate Did a vehicle Come from somewhere out there Just to land in the Andes? Was it round And did it have A motor Or was it Something Different George: Sure it would, but I ain't never seen no tush like that, I didn't know that was it . . . Napoleon: Wait a minute! Don't put that stuff on my . . . Don't you ever wash that thing? George: It was . . . tasted like a bunch o' anchovies, salty an' . . . Napoleon: Wait a minute! Have you got it worked out now? Put it down there! FZ: Suzi Quatro get in town, let's have a party tonight, yes indeed! Did a vehicle Did a vehicle Did a vehicle Fly along the mountains And find a place to park itself Park it Se-e-e-elf (PARK IT . . . PARK IT)

4. RDNZL The Lost Episodes Studio Tan Läther You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 FZ: One, one, one, one! George: (mumble-mumble) get that woman (mumble-mumble) Napoleon: (mumble-mumble-mumble) Russian . . . We could share a love (oh yeah!) We could share a love (mumble-mumble . . . woman) We could share a love (everyday) We could share a love (mumble-mumble . . . woman) We could share a love (all night long) We could share a love (take a booger-bear home with you) We could share a love (oh baby) We could share a love (mumble-mumble get that little woman mumble-mumble in Manchester on TV mumble-mumble WOW! . . . WOW!) 5. Village Of The Sun Roxy & Elsewhere

includes a quote from Approximate

includes a quote from Oh No

Goin' back home To the Village of the Sun Out in back of Palmdale Where the turkey farmers run, I done Made up my mind And I know I'm gonna go to Sun Village, good God I hope the Wind don't blow

Ladies and gentlemen Watch Ruth! All through our show Ruth has been thinkin' Oh! It sure is slippery In the percussion section today I hope I don't fall down and hurt myself

It take the paint off your car And wreck your windshield too, I don't know how the people stand it, But I guess they do Cause they're all still there, Even Johnny Franklin too In the Village of the Sun Village of the Sun Village of the Sun, son (Sun Village to you . . . you-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo, well!)

Oh no, I don't believe it!

Little Mary, and Teddy, and Thelma too, now Where Palmdale Boulevard, wo! Cuts on through Past the Village Inn, well, & Barbecue now, yeah (I heard it ain't there . . . Well I hope it ain't true) Where the stumblers gonna go To watch the lights turn blue? Where the stumblers gonna go To watch the lights turn blue-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-wahhh? (Boogity-boogity-boogity-boogity) Goin' back home To the Village of the Sun Out in back of Palmdale Where the turkey farmers run, I done Made up my mind And I know I'm gonna go to Sun Village, good God I hope the Wind don't blow-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow-ooo-ooo-oooooo-ooo-oooh It take the paint off your car And wreck your windshield too, I don't know how y'all people stand it, But I guess you do Cause you're all still there, In your thermal underwear In the Village of the Sun Village of the Sun Village of the Sun, son (Sun Village to you) Brian boo (HA HA HA HA!) What you gonna do? Brian boo (HA HA HA HA!) What you gonna do? Brian boo (HA HA HA HA!) What you gonna do? Brian BOOOOO . . . 6. Echidna's Arf (Of You) Roxy & Elsewhere Yeah, yeah, hey, hey, yah! 7. Don't You Ever Wash That Thing? Roxy & Elsewhere

George: Get down, Chester . . . 8. Pygmy Twylyte Roxy & Elsewhere includes quotes from The World Is A Ghetto (Scott/Dickerson/Jordan/Brown/Allen/Miller/Oskar) and Piano Sonata in C K. 545 (Mozart) Green hocker croakin' In the Pygmy Twylyte Crankin' an' a-coke'n In the Winchell's do-nut Midnite Out of his deep on a 'fore day run Hurtin' for sleep in the Quaalude Moonlight Green hocker in a Greyhound locker Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte Joined the bus on the 33rd seat By the doo-doo room with the reek replete Crystal eye, crystal eye Got a crystal kidney & he's fraid to die In the Pygmy Twylyte Downer midnite Pygmy Twylyte Downer midnite Pygmy Twylyte Downer midnite Pygmy Twylyte Downer midnite Yeah, yeah, yeah . . . Twylyte! Oh, wait a minute Don't spray that stuff in my eyes Oh, wait a minute All we're tryin' to do is to have a little party Somebody told me Suzi Quatro was gonna be in the party Make me wanna jump up and down in the air! 9. Room Service Honey, honey Honey, honey TUSH TUSH Honey, honey Too young! Honey, honey Wait a minute! Wow! Wow! Wo-ah-aah-aaah-oooh-ooh!

(Say it again) Wo-ah-aah-aaah-oooh-ooh! Honey, honey Honey, honey Honey, honey Honey, honey Watch it! Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, wow! Gettin' down Gettin' down Gettin' down What you're gonna do When your time is up? What you're gonna do When your time is up? Are you gonna take? Are you gonna be? I might just tell you please Are you gonna say? One thing I wanna know One thing, baby I wanna know I wanna know I wanna know I wanna know I wanna know I wanna know I wanna know I wanna know I wanna hold I wanna hold I wanna hold I wanna hold I wanna go That's why I'm singin' WOW! You . . . Right over there, there's a Doo-doo room Right upstairs there's a Doo-doo room Right out back here there's a Doo-doo room In Perellis' pocket there's a Doo-doo room Out at home there's a Doo-doo room . . . FZ: Hallo! Hello! Hello! Is this room service? Hello? Napoleon: Hallo? FZ: Is this room service at the Hotel Leningrad? Napoleon: Oh, Ja-ha-ha! Jawohl! Now would you like the little . . . ? Mpf, Ja! This is room service FZ: Look here, buddy Napoleon: Yeas, what would you like? FZ: Oh, I'm so hungry! You know, when you're a tourist and everything, and you travel around, you know, going to all the neat little shops and everything . . . Napoleon: Ten marks, cost you ten marks FZ: I'm so hungry! Napoleon: This call is going to cost you ten marks FZ: Ha ha . . . Napoleon: You got to understand that in the fo . . . in the front FZ: Look here Napoleon: Everything cost ten marks FZ: Ivan, listen Napoleon: Ivan, that's me FZ: Look Napoleon: Jawohl! FZ: You're going to sleep, you're going to sleep . . . Napoleon: Ommmm . . . FZ: I am so hungry, can you bring me something to eat, right away? Napoleon: Bouillia . . . Bouilliabai?

FZ: No bouilliabai Napoleon: Bouilliabai? FZ: No boogie-a-bay Napoleon: How's about boogie-the-bay? FZ: No boogie-woogie-the-bay Napoleon: How's about a fishie with the eye fallin' out? FZ: Fish with . . . ? Hey, that sounds delicious! Napoleon: Yeah, alright FZ: Send me some fish with the eyes falling out Napoleon: How about a little sand over it? That'll make it . . . FZ: Sand on the fish, yes, a sand-fish Napoleon: Alright, that be ten marks FZ: You have a sand-fish here? Napoleon: Sand-fishie? The eye's ten marks. The fishie is forty FZ: Hey! Hey, listen! Napoleon: Jawohl! FZ: The people in your country certainly are charming. You know where I can get some pussy? Napoleon: Ah . . . ehem . . . wargh . . . this is very . . . FZ: Never mind, look Napoleon: This is very respectable hotel, you understand FZ: Just send me up . . . Napoleon: You try to bring pussy in here, we spray you with mace FZ: Oh, well . . . Napoleon: Right in the face! FZ: Oh, well . . . Napoleon: You no bring no pussy in the hotel! FZ: Uh-huh, okay . . . Napoleon: Who do you think we are anyway? FZ: Well, I guess you told me . . . Napoleon: Are you a Christian? FZ: Am I . . . Yeah, I'm a Christian, sure! Isn't everyone? Napoleon: Oh . . . okay, you can bring . . . Well you can bring some pussy in here if you're a Christian, that's different . . . FZ: Sure, if I'm a Christian that means I get some pussy, right? Napoleon: That's right, that's cool, if you're Christian FZ: Okay Napoleon: You also get bouilliabai with it FZ: Yeah, hey, great! Look . . . Napoleon: And the fish with the eye fallin' out FZ: I want you to send me some pussy Napoleon: One pussy FZ: Some fish with the eyes falling out Napoleon: One fishie with the eye falling out FZ: Some bouilliabai Napoleon: Some bouilliabai FZ: And a Bible Napoleon: And a what? FZ: And a Gideon Bible Napoleon: And it's a Gideon Bible, okay, we also'll bring you the Finnishian Bible FZ: The Phoenician Bible? Napoleon: No, the Finnian Bible, that go with the Gideon Bible FZ: The Finnian Bible Napoleon: The Finnian and the Gideon go together here FZ: This is a terrible connection, I can hardly hear you, but look, buddy . . . can you please get that stuff up to my room in a hurry? I'm so hungry, you know? Napoleon: We shall send it up by the Southern Pacific Railroad FZ: Fast, ah? Napoleon: That is very fast, so fast you can never know why, he wears the Southern Pacific on his hat, you know what they call him? K, K, K, Kanzus He goes downtown [...] K, K, K, Kanzus Got a big handlebar moustache K, K, K, Kanzus Always hear toot-toot [...] K, K, K, Kanzus Napoleon: You will also like to have a little wussy FZ: Hello, hello, hello, room service? Napoleon: Hallo? FZ: Hey buddy! Napoleon: You did not get your order?

FZ: No, listen, it's a . . . Napoleon: You did, you were not pleased with the pussy? FZ: You don't like Americans very much here, do you? Napoleon: Did you . . . Oh, you American! That'll be twenty marks! FZ: Yeah, twenty . . . right. Well, I don't care how much it costs, you know, just get it up to my room in a hurry because I'm so hungry Napoleon: Well, you have to understand if they didn't bring it up there too fast it's probably because of the . . . the long summer that we had here, you see FZ: You had a long summer and that's why it didn't . . . ? Napoleon: We had a very long summer, about that fast FZ: Uh-huh! Napoleon: That's how long it was, like . . . uh . . . that FZ: Now listen! Napoleon: Wait a minute! FZ: You get that food to my room right away Napoleon: Room number? FZ: Or I'm gonna call the American embassy! Napoleon: What? FZ: You mean what am I going to call them? Napoleon: Why? FZ: I'm going to call them a barrel of motherfuckers, that's what I'm gonna call them Napoleon: What? Why? A barrel of who? Well I know who's gonna bring it up to you right away Marty, Marty, Marty Perellis You know it, George Marty, Marty, Marty Perellis [...] everybody Marty, Marty, Marty Perellis [...] Marty, Marty, Marty Perellis 10. The Idiot Bastard Son We're Only In It For The Money Mothermania includes a quote from Pygmy Twylyte and a line from the Run Home, Slow soundtrack The idiot bastard son: (THE FATHER'S A NAZI IN CONGRESS TODAY . . . THE MOTHER'S A HOOKER SOMEWHERE IN L.A.) The idiot bastard son: (ABANDONED TO PERISH IN BACK OF A CAR . . . KENNY WILL STASH HIM AWAY IN A JAR) THE IDIOT BOY! Try and imagine The window all covered in green All the time he would spend At the church he'd attend . . . Warming his pew Kenny will feed him & Ronnie will watch THE CHILD WILL THRIVE & GROW And enter the world Of liars & cheaters & people like you Who smile & think they know What this is about (YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING . . . maybe so) The song we sing: DO YOU KNOW? We're listening . . . Try and imagine The window all covered in green All the time he would spend

All the colors he'd blend . . . Where are they now? 11. Cheepnis Roxy & Elsewhere I ate a hot dog It tasted real good An' then I watched a movie From Hollywood I ate a hot dog It tasted real good Then I watched a movie From Hollywood Little Miss Muffett on a squat by me, yeah Took a turn around, I said: Can y'all see now? The little strings on the Giant Spider? The Zipper From The Black Lagoon? (HOO HOO HA HA HA!) The vents by the tanks where the bubbles go up? (And the flaps on the side of the moon) The jelly & paint on the 40 watt bulb They use when the slime droozle off The rumples & the wrinkles in the cardboard rock, yeah And the canvas of the cave is too soft The suits & the hats & the tie's too wide And too short for the scientist man The chemistry lady with the roll-away mind, yeah While the monster just ate Japan Ladies and gentlemen, The monster, Which the peasants in this area call FRENCHIE (A very large poodle dog) Has just been seen approaching the airport Bullets can't stop it Rockets can't stop it There's no way we can let it go through customs tonight! GOT A GREAT BIG HEAVY THING GOT A GREAT BIG HAIRY THING (Yes, he does!) GOT A GREAT BIG HEAVY THING GOT A GREAT BIG HAIRY THING GOT A GREAT BIG HEAVY THING GOT A GREAT BIG HAIRY THING GOT A GREAT BIG HEAVY THING GOT A GREAT BIG HAIRY THING (Look out!) This mornin', this mornin' When I ordered some breakfast I told them to bring me three eggs And they brought me three dozen, yeah, yeah, yeah I opened up the bartender in my room To look outside Big old black cloud Hooverin' over, fillin' the side Soon I could see A big old horrible mountain (well!) Big old monster climbing over Trying to get somewhere I think his name was Frenchie (well . . . ) I think his name was Frenchie

Frenchie, hey-hey Frenchie, hey-hey Frenchie, hey-hey

Zappa In New York Läther You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4

Somebody said: "Look out!" Somebody said: "Hey!" (well!) Before we need this little bit a longer A big old hairy poodle (Well, might chew something on ya) Comin' to get ya Tryin' to spout something on ya I wonder what it was I said I wonder what it was I said WOW!

includes a quote from It Just Might Be A One-Shot Deal

A big old white and milky substance (might chew something) Comin' at ya (well) A big old white and milky substance (at ya) Comin' at ya Look out for the hairy poodle It might chew somethin' on ya (ay!) Look out for the hairy poodle (well) It might chew somethin' on ya (well) Look out for the hairy poodle (hairy) It might chew somethin' on ya (hairy) Look out for the hairy poodle (hairy) It might chew . . . look it here (hairy) Follow me, an' go to the shelter! Follow me, an' go to the shelter! GO TO DA SHELTER MY BABY, MY BABY, GO TO DA SHELTER GO TO DA SHELTER GO TO DA SHELTER MY BABY, MY BABY, GO TO DA SHELTER GO TO DA SHELTER Can y'see it at all Can y'see it from here Can y'laugh till yer weak on yer knees If you can't, I'm sorry 'cause that's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis please (Wah, the booger-booger) Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis (Wah, the shooter-booger) Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis (Look at the [...] booger) Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis (Cheeper the better) Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis (Cheeper the better) Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis (Cheeper the better) Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis (Cheeper the better) (Cheeper the better) (Cheeper the better) (Cheeper the better) Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis . . . (Take a booger home with you . . . a-ha!) disc 2 1. Approximate

FZ: One two, one two three four FZ: Alright, that's the melody, now, here it is with the mouth, as performed at Eeva's wedding . . . Come on Ruth, come on! Ah, come on Ruth, sing along, come on Ruth, harmonize with him . . . A-renne-henna . . . Okay. Achtung! One two, one two three four Simmons funky What are wondering about (It's a hit!) Chester! . . . shoe Chester (Suzi) Singin' (Quatro) Funky Ruthie-Ruthie . . . teeth (Take the towels We want you to take them to your country No, don't pay us for the towels We insist Towels . . . Suitcase . . . Get it through customs for her) FZ: And now, here is way number three: With the feet! Hey! It's so modern . . . Can't have any of that! FZ: Later on we'll have a dance-contest and some lucky member of the audience will win a quart of Finnish champagne! Ha ha! George: That's a good . . . That's a good . . . FZ: Just wanna see how long . . . Right! Okay . . . Ha ha ha! Alright, now here it is, all the way through . . . So exhilarating Guy In The Audience: "Eric Dolphy Memorial Barbecue"! FZ: Hey! That's a good idea, isn't it? Another Guy: This guy has ESP! FZ: Thank you! Thank you very much. Thank you, and thank you. And thank you some more, and thank you very much, and thank you, and thank you . . . KIITOS! Thank you, and thank you . . . 2. Dupree's Paradise The Perfect Stranger Make A Jazz Noise Here includes quotes from Rikki Don't Lose That Number (Fagen/Becker), Uncle Meat and Louie Louie (Richard Berry) FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, the name of this song singles how we are CONFRONTED with a partial, how shall we say, language barrier here, we don't wanna press the issue too much folks, but, the chances of you figuring out what he's going to say during this song are NIL. So what we're gonna do is: We're gonna play this instrumental tune, see, that starts off real easy, you know, it's very light, and then builds up to an orgasmic frenzy a little bit later on. Hey, I knew you'd enjoy that. Some service men here in the audience tonight, I'm sure. This song, we're gonna start off so light that George doesn't even know about it --get your finger cymbal, George . . . George: Yeahm . . .

FZ: Whoops! The name of this song, folks, is "Dupree's Paradise." It always starts off with George playing the finger cymbal. He hits it with a little stick and then, when nobody expects it, he hits his finger and hurts himself! George: Aaaah! FZ: Do it again, George! George: Ooh, ah-hm-ugh . . . FZ: Yes! More, George! Napoleon: Don't hurt me, Dupree! Don't hurt me, Dupree! FZ: Hurt yourself, George George: . . . unusual last night FZ: Pain, George! George: Ooof! FZ: Oh! That's it! That's it! Napoleon: Don't hurt me, Dupree! Don't hurt me, Dupree! FZ: Yes, now build them up to a frenzy! Hurt yourself again, George George: Ouch! Mmpf! FZ: Play the piano, George Guy From The Audience: Thank you so much! FZ: The Modest Mussorgsky Songbook presents . . .

FZ: We have now a special request. No, you'd better leave the lights on on stage 'cause we have to read this music, we've never played it before Napoleon: Bouilliabai, bouilliabai, bouilliabai . . . Stroganoff, bouilliabai . . . Here we go . . . Aavan meren tuolla puolen jossakin on maa, missä onnen kaukorantaan laine liplattaa. Missä kukat kauneimmat luo aina loistettaan, (Good God, ain't if funky now!) siellä huolet huomisen voi jäädä unholaan. Oi jospa kerran sinne satumaahan käydä vois, niin sieltä koskaan lähtisi en linnun lailla pois. (Pois?) Vaan siivetönnä en voi lentää vanki olen maan, vain aatoksin mi kauas entää sinne käydä saan. Olen! Olen! Stroganoff! Stroganoff! Olen Stroganoff!

George: Come back here! 4. T'Mershi Duween George: And then it happened! Don't know what it was . . . I could hear it comin' . . . next door . . . It was a bass player playin'. What was he doin'? He sounded funny to me, though . . . What's this fool playin' at eight o'clock in the mornin'? I was tryin' to sleep and this fool next door playin' his thing and all night long Ruth was talkin' 'bout . . . heh-heh heh-heh . . . I can't get no sleep at all, ladies comin' out in the hall talkin' 'bout . . . SHUT THAT TAPE RECORDER OFF! You know it's true! FZ: Rikki, don't lose that number . . . You don't wanna lose that number, Rikki . . . Hey Ruth, d'you have any Suzi Quatro cassettes? George: I said, "Ruth, tell Ian to quit playin' the bass clarinet." But she said, "I like it! Well, specially when it's close to me." She said she likes to feel the vibrations next to her, er, uh . . . I said, "Well, what does he do?" And she, and she said, "He plays that . . . and then, and, and, and, and, and then it, ah, ah . . ." FZ: "Harlem Nocturne," take one George: "Ah, ah, he breaks, he breaks into a chorus of . . . I said, "Good God!" I said, "But, but, there's such a thing as (come back on here) boogie." And, we do that in Montana. And, er, uh . . . heh-heh . . . he goes like this, heh-heh-heh, y'all, it's crazy! FZ: Excuse me, ah . . . ah, excuse me, Yankee dog? Ah, Amerikanischer Schwein? Excuse me, would you mind opening your suitcase, please? Napoleon: Jawohl! I am from immigration FZ: Yeah! Napoleon: What country are you from? FZ: Ah, would you please explain to me what you're doing with these towels in your suitcase? Napoleon: Towels? What towels? Oh, you'll see, you'll understand, you see, I . . . I . . . FZ: Don't tell me the same thing that Suzy Cohen told me the last time she came into this country. Don't tell me that the hotel said, "Please, take these back!" Napoleon: We tried to pay for them! FZ: "Take these back with you" Napoleon: We tried to offer them money FZ: Don't tell me you tried to pay for the towels Napoleon: We offered them, ah, marks, we offered them, ah . . . FZ: No . . . You Americans simply cannot be trusted Napoleon: . . . Quatro FZ: And it won't do you any good to call Herb, either Napoleon: We offered them, ah . . . FZ: You are under arrest. Hands up! Napoleon: No! Not in this country! If I dance would you let me go FZ: Later that night . . . the towels . . . the mysterious towels . . . the towels of destiny . . . Suzy's towels . . . 3. Satumaa (Finnish Tango) (Unto Mononen) translation

Make A Jazz Noise Here Everything Is Healing Nicely Hey! 5. The Dog Breath Variations Uncle Meat Just Another Band From L.A. The Yellow Shark

6. Uncle Meat Uncle Meat The Yellow Shark

7. Building A Girl

8. Montana (Whipping Floss) Over-Nite Sensation You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 includes references to Whipping Post (Allman) Guy In The Audience: "Whipping Post"! FZ: Say that again please Guy In The Audience: "Whipping Post"! FZ: "Whipping Post"? Ok, just a second . . . (Do you know that?) Oh sorry, we don't know that one. Anything else? Hum me a few bars of it, please, just show me how it goes, please. Just sing, sing me "Whipping Post" and then maybe we'll play it with you Guy In The Audience: Ooh-ooh-ooh . . . FZ: Thank you very much. And now . . . Judging from the way you sang it, it must be a John Cage composition, right? Here we go, "Montana." One two, one two three four I might be movin' to . . .

FZ: Hold it! Hold it! We can't possibly start the song off like that! Good God! That's inexcusable! What happened to you last night? Napoleon: George has a tape of it FZ: George has a tape of it? Ok, we'll use that in the second show Ready? "Montana" . . . Wait a minute, "Whipping Post," no, "Montana." One two, one two three four FZ: It's too fast for you? One two, one two three four I might be movin' to Helsinki soon Just to raise me up a crop of Dental Floss Raisin' it up Waxen it down Tying it to the Whipping Post In the middle of town But by myself I wouldn't Have no boss, 'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely Whipping Post Raisin' my lonely Whipping Post Raisin' my lonely Whipping Post (Well) Well I just might grow me some thongs But I'd leave the heavy stuff To somebody else . . . now 'bout Chester? And then I would

Get a person Tie him up To the Whipping Post And beat the living shit out of him So that guy in the audience was satisfied But by myself I wouldn't Have no boss, 'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely Whipping Post Floss Movin' to Montana soon (well . . . ) Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon (how unique!) (Whip! Whip!) Movin' to Montana soon (now . . . ) Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune (Yes, it's such a ballad at this tempo) Napoleon: Little Booger-bear . . . Boogers everywhere . . . FZ: And now for the thrilling conclusion of that song . . . 9. Big Swifty Waka/Jawaka You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Make A Jazz Noise Here FZ: Ruth Underwood on percussion, Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax, lead vocals and exotic dancing, Chester Thompson on drums, Tom Fowler on bass, George Duke on keyboards. Thank you very much for coming to the concert. Hope you liked it. Goodnight!

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the original albums Original transcription for new material from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage mainly by Hans Hendriks and Patrick Neve Further corrections and additions by Román, Heikki Poroila, Niall Brennan, Derek Milhouse Gilger, Juhani Heinonen, Marek Strzelecki, Charles Ulrich and Biffyshrew

Broadway The Hard Way (Frank Zappa, October 1988) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17.

Elvis Has Just Left The Building 2:24 Planet Of The Baritone Women 2:48 Any Kind Of Pain 5:42 Dickie's Such An Asshole 5:45 When The Lie's So Big 3:38 Rhymin' Man 3:50 Promiscuous 2:02 The Untouchables (Riddle/FZ) 2:26 Why Don't You Like Me? 2:57 Bacon Fat (Williams/Brown/FZ) 1:29 Stolen Moments (Nelson) 2:58 Murder By Numbers (Sting/Summers) 5:37 Jezebel Boy 2:27 Outside Now 7:49 Hot Plate Heaven At The Green Hotel 6:40 What Kind Of Girl? 3:16 Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk 9:16 All selections recorded live by the UMRK Mobile February-June, 1988 Produced by Frank Zappa engineered by Bob Stone and Harry Andronis Cover Photos by Lynn Goldsmith Graphics by A. West FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis guitar/vocal Mike Keneally guitar/synth/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/vocal Ed Mann percussion Walt Fowler trumpet Bruce Fowler trombone Paul Carman alto sax Albert Wing tenor sax Kurt McGettrick baritone sax Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums guest vocalist: Eric Buxton And the sampled voice of Senator Hollings

Meanwhile, on Wall Street . . . 1. Elvis Has Just Left The Building includes a quote from Rock Of Ages (Toplady/Hastings) Intro: Beethovensaal, Liederhalle, Stuttgart, Germany May 24, 1988 Rest: Palasport, Genoa, Italy June 9, 1988

On the Planet of the Baritone Women They talk low 'Bout stuff they know. They sing "Oooh!" And laugh at you (Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah! Hey!)

Ladies and gentlemen: Elvis has just left the building

If you can't (IF YOU CAN'T) Do it too (DO IT TOO) (Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah! Hey!)

Elvis has just left the building -Those are his footprints, right there Elvis has just left the building -To climb up that heavenly stair

They sing "Li-Li-Li-Li!" They sing "Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo!" The men carry purses Wherever they go

He gave away Cadillacs once in a while; Had sex in his underpants, Yes, he had style! Bell-bottom jump-suits? That's them in a pile, But he don't need 'em now, 'Cause he's makin' Jesus smile!

Junior executives. All in a row, Watch the Baritone Women Do the Baritone show (Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah! Hey!)

Elvis has just left the building -(There he goes!) Those are his footprints, right there Elvis has just left the building -To climb up that heavenly stair The Angels all love him, He brings them relief With droplets of moisture From his handkerchief! Cher'bim 'n ser'phim Whizz over his head -Jesus, let him come back! We don't want Elvis dead!

They sing about wheat; They sing about corn; They sing about places Where women was born They sing about hate! They sing about fear! It seems like they all got A pretty good ear (Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah! Hey!) They sing it in harmony Not often heard, With a big ol' cadenza . . . (Robert Martin, from Philadelphia, Curtis Institute graduate, 1971 Let's hear it for him!) On every long word

So what if he looks like a wart-hog in heat? He knows we all love him -We'll just watch him eat, So take down the foil From his hotel retreat, And bring back The King For the man in the street!

They keep it as low As they possibly can, And sometimes they walk Like an E-GYP-TIAN (Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah! Hey!)

Elvis has just left the building -Those are his footprints, right there Elvis has just left the building -He's up there with Jesus, in a big purple chair

They do choreography Still more unique! They leave their legs open Whenever they speak!

2. Planet Of The Baritone Women

They roll their eyes upward And over again, And slam their legs closed When they sing about men!

includes quotes from Teddy Bears' Picnic (Bratton/Kennedy) and Dance Of The Cuckoos (Hatley) Music Hall, Cleveland, Ohio March 5, 1988 & Warner Theatre, Washington DC February 9, 1988 & Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA February 12, 1988

Those Baritone Women! They are not your friend! (Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah!) You will make a mistake If you go there again! 3. Any Kind Of Pain

Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA February 12, 1988 & Warner Theatre, Washington DC February 9, 1988 & Music Hall, Cleveland, Ohio March 5, 1988 & Falkoner Teatret, Copenhagen, Denmark April 25, 1988 Broadway The Hard Way, ladies and gentlemen! Broadway The Hard Way! You are the girl Somebody invented In a grim little office On Madison Ave. They were specific They made you terrific: Red lips; Blue eyes; Blonde hair; Un-wise -You're All-American, And, darling, they said so YOU'D TAKE ANY KIND OF PAIN FROM ME, WOULDN'T YOU, BABY? YOU'D TAKE ANY KIND OF PAIN FROM ME, WOULDN'T YOU, BABY? SINCE YOU HAVEN'T GOT A BRAIN, LET ME JUST EXPLAIN: ANY KIND OF PAIN IS NEVER A MAYBE What? Her head's full of bubbles; Her nose is petite! She looks like she never Gets nothin' to eat! 'N she dines with actors, 'N Wall Street characters: Dull talk; Nice clothes -See her? She blows -(She's so important 'Cause he gets to do talk shows --) SHE'D TAKE ANY KIND OF PAIN FROM ME, WOULDN'T SHE, BOBBY? (Yeah, she would!) SHE'D TAKE ANY KIND OF PAIN FROM ME, WOULDN'T SHE, BOBBY? SINCE SHE HAVEN'T GOT A NAME, LET ME JUST EXPLAIN: ANY KIND OF PAIN IS PROB'LY HER HOBBY No . . . ow-ow-ow-oh . . . no . . . She has moved up now; She's come a long way -They give her bunches Of words she can say!

When she's in a bold mood, "Confinement Loaf" sounds good -That's right, She's wrong! Let's end Her song (It seems she's everywhere We just can't escape her -Is this a miracle of pure evolution? And all the yuppie boys, they dream they will rape her -She brings the BUS RIDE To a thrilling conclusion!) YES, SHE'S EVERY BIT AS TAME AS ME, ISN'T SHE TENDER? YES, SHE'S EVERY BIT AS LAME AS ME, LET US REMEMBER, SHE GETS ONLY HALF THE BLAME ONLY HALF THE BLAME ONLY HALF THE BLAME UNLESS WE EXTEND HER -4. Dickie's Such An Asshole (The San Clemente Magnetic Deviation) You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 includes quotes from Midnight Sun (Hampton/Burke/Mercer), The Battle Hymn Of The Republic (Steffe/Howe) and Billy The Mountain Vinyl spoken intro: Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA February 12, 1988 Song: Warner Theatre, Washington DC February 9, 1988 & Hall Tivoli, Strasbourg, France May 23, 1988 & Broome County Arena, Binghamton, NY March 17, 1988 & Olympen, Lund, Sweden April 26, 1988 & Music Hall, Cleveland, Ohio March 5, 1988 FZ: Thank you! Hate to see this go to waste Ike: Fringe. I mean that, man FZ: Alright. CNN ran a story last week about this new product that has been developed for our prison system. It is called "Confinement Loaf." Now what it is it's, uh, bean by-products compressed into a loaf, which is administered to problem prisoners. Their diet will be a slice of "Confinement Loaf" and a cup of water, and it seems to mellow them out right away. So my question is: How long before "Confinement Loaf" appears in United States High Schools? One 'n one is eleven! Two 'n two is twenty-two! Won't somebody kindly tell me, What the government's tryin' t' do . . . Dickie's just too tricky For a chump like me to use, oh use You take that sub-committee serious, boy (and I'm serious) You just might get a seizure from the evenin' news

Millions 'n millions of dollars . . . Much as he might need . . . (good work!) He could open up a chain of motels, people, On the highway, yes indeed! Quadrophonic desperation! (oh, pinch that loaf now!) There might be confinement loaf up under your bed (well . . . ) You know if you just might pinch a little loaf in your slumber (pffft . . . NURSE!) The FBI is gonna get your number GONNA GET YA GONNA GET YA GONNA JUMP UP THE SUB-COMMITTEE AND GET YA! THE FBI GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER THE FBI GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER THE FBI GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER THE FBI GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER THE FBI THEY ALREADY GOT YOUR PICTURE THE FBI AND YOUR FINGERPRINTS TOO THE FBI THEN THEY GOT A GUY IN VIRGINA THE FBI WHIFFING UP A LITTLE SOUP JUST FOR YOU GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER Tryin' not to worry Tryin' not to care But you know, I get so excited When that soup goes over there Can't have no private conversation Nowhere In the USA Can't wait 'til the rest of the people all over the the world Find out that their confinement loaf Is just the same ol' way Every day . . . (Pinch that loaf now!) Let me tell you about this right now Let me tell you about this right here Let me make this formerly clear Let me tell you about this right here You know you put me in office So you must have wanted me in office I've did you no harm I used to have twenty-five tapes Now I only got ten Can't remember what happened to the rest Musta gave 'em to a friend Gave a couple to Bebe Rebozo Gave a couple to Pat Boone Gave a couple to Ronald Reagan Gave a couple to the new vice-president He said he'd stick with me through thick and thin Even if I invaded Nicaragua You know I'm not a crook You know I'm not a crook I just wanna lie about one more thing right now . . . (Say yeah yeah . . . ) The gangster stepped right up, 'N kissed him on the lips good-bye

Made him a cocksucker by proxy, yes he did, An' he didn't even bat an eye! The man in the White House -- oooh! He's got a conscience black as sin! (Yeah, maybe I . . . I don't know but, it's just a training exercise) There's just one thing I wanna know -How'd that asshole ever manage to get in? You're all the same, so sing right along now: DICKIE'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE Sincerely, Dick, we mean it Sincerely, Ron, we mean it Sincerely, Dick and Ron, we continue to mean it Wee-ooo Now let's bring the Republican Party up to date . . . 5. When The Lie's So Big includes quotes from Bolero (Ravel), The Battle Hymn Of The Republic (Steffe/Howe) and Happy Days Are Here Again (Yellen/Ager) Warner Theatre, Washington DC February 9, 1988 & Music Hall, Cleveland, Ohio March 5, 1988 & Unknown location & date (Pinch it good! You know, that confinement loaf is real good stuff Hey, you oughta try some!) They got lies so big They don't make a noise They tell 'em so well Like a secret disease That makes you go numb With a big ol' lie And a flag and a pie And a mom and a bible Most folks are just liable To buy any line Any place, any time When the lie's so big As in Robertson's case, (That sinister face Behind all the Jesus hurrah) Could result in the end To a worrisome trend In which every American Not "born again" Could be punished in cruel and unusual ways By this treacherous cretin Who tells everyone That he's Jesus' best friend When the lies get so big And the fog gets so thick And the facts disappear The Republican Trick Can be played out again People, please tell me when We'll be rid of these men!

Just who do they really Suppose that they are? And how do they manage to travel as far As they seem to have come? Were we really that dumb? People, wake up Figure it out Religious fanatics Around and about The Court House, The State House, The Congress, The White House Criminal saints With a "Heavenly Mission" -A nation enraptured By pure superstition Do you believe in the Invisible Army? (Yes, indeed!) When the lie's so big And the fog so thick And the facts kept forgotten Then the Republican Trick (Ketchup is a vegetable!) Can be played out again People, please tell me when We'll be rid of these men! 6. Rhymin' Man includes quotes from The Twilight Zone Theme (Constant), Marche Funebre (Chopin), Mission: Impossible (Schifrin), The Untouchables (Riddle), Mississippi Mud (Cavanaugh/Barris), Happy Days Are Here Again (Yellen/Ager), Entry Of The Gladiators (Fucik), Havah Nagilah (trad.), Hail To The Chief (Sanderson/Scott), La Cucaracha (trad.), Frere Jacques (trad.), My Sharona (Fieger/Averre) and Hallelujah I'm A Bum (McClintock) Rudi-Sedlmeyer Sporthalle, Munich, Germany May 9, 1988 Rhymin' Man, Tall and tan, Rhyme or reason, Play your hand -Rhyme on this -- rhyme on that Oh, you naughty Democrat! They say when Doctor King got shot, Jesse hatched an awful plot, Dipped his hands in the Doctor's blood, 'N rubbed his shirt like playin' with mud Looked around for all the press, Said: "Check me out, my name is Jess! I'll be known from towns 'n farms -Doctor King died in my arms!"

Said he was a diplomat -Hobbin' an-a-knobbin' with Arafat Castro was simpatico, Though the U.S. voters, they said: "No!" Rhymin' Man, Tall and tan, Rhyme or reason, Play your hand -Rhyme on this -- rhyme on that Oh, you naughty Democrat! Okay, here we go again! Rhymin' Man says he's your friend Any fool can make a rhyme -Cowboys do it all the time (We could do, they sure do) People say: "Now he's mature!" Cowboys rhyme that with horse manure Horse manure! (Horse manure) That's for sure! You been cheatin' -We kept score! Are you "this"? Or are you "that"? Oh, you naughty Demo . . . (crat!) Democrat! 7. Promiscuous Royal Oak Music Theatre, Detroit, Michigan February 26, 1988 Here we go! The Surgeon General, Doctor Koop S'posed to give you all the poop But when he's with P.M.R.C. The poop he's scoopin' Amazes me C-Span showed him, all dressed up In his phoney Doctor God get-up He looked in the camera and fixed his specs 'N gave a fascinating lecture 'Bout anal sex ANAL SEX ANAL SEX ANAL SEX ANAL SEX He says it is not good for us We just can't be promiscuous He's just a doctor -- he should know It's the work of the Devil, so Girls, don't blow! DON'T BLOW DON'T BLOW

Rhymin' Man, Tall and tan, Rhyme or reason, Play your hand -Rhyme on this -- rhyme on that Oh, you naughty Democrat!

Don't blow Jimmy, don't blow Bobby Get yourself another hobby (If Jesus practiced medicine I'm sure he'd do it Just like him)

A few years later, legend says, Rhymin' man made a run for Prez Farrakhan made him a clown, Over there near Hymie-Town

Is Doctor Koop a man to trust? It seems at least that Reagan must (And Ron's a trusting sort of guy -He trusts Ed Meese

I wonder why?) I WONDER WHY WONDER WHY

Hey, fellas -- take me to the bridge! I want it now! Rico! Youngblood! Let's get outta here! It's all over! THE UNTOUCHABLES!

The A.M.A. has just got caught For doin' stuff they shouldn't ought All they do is lie and lie Where's Doctor Koop? He's standin' by Surgeon General? What's the deal? Is your epidemic real? Are we leaving something out? Something we can't talk about? A little green monkey over there Kills a million people? That's not fair! Did it really go that way? Did you ask the C.I.A.? Would they take you serious, Or have THEY been Promiscuous Have THEY been Promiscuous Have THEY been Promiscuous Have THEY been Promiscuous 8. The Untouchables (Nelson Riddle/FZ) includes a quote from Hawaii Five-0 (Stevens) Monologue by Ike Willis Civic Center, Providence March 16, 1988

FZ: And The Untouchables are: Ike Willis . . . Ike: Thank you! FZ: Mike Keneally . . . Ike: History! FZ: Walt Fowler, Bruce Fowler, Paul Carman, Albert Wing, Kurt McGettrick, Chad Wackerman, Ed Mann, Robert Martin, Scott Thunes, Eric Buxton . . . Thanks for coming to the show, and good night! 9. Why Don't You Like Me? Chunga's Revenge Tinsel Town Rebellion You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 includes quotes from Marche Funebre (Chopin) and Billie Jean (Jackson) Bushnell Memorial Hall, Hartford February 17, 1988 & Syria Mosque, Pittsburgh February 25, 1988 & Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA February 12, 1988 & Auditorium Theatre, Chicago March 3, 1988 "He's white, Jim . . . "

Rico! Youngblood! Wake up! Prohibition is over, but the country's still a mess! They need us out there! We've got some cleaning up to do -- especially when it comes to THIS GUY . . . Get those sport coats on with the big lapels . . . They're back -- they're fashionable again! Okay -- let's look at some mug-sheets of the suspects from the 80's . . . ADMIRAL POINDEXTER! Get back on Felix The Cat where you belong! Get the damn pipe out of your mouth! You're history, you're gone! OLIVER NORTH! No "Secret Government" for you, buddy! You're over! you're trough! BILL CASEY! You're dead! (I mean that . . . ) BUSH! You're still a wimp -- I'm sorry -- You're history! DEAVER! NOFZIGER! You're crooks! Book 'em Dan-o! Dan-o? How'd he get in the show? Get outta here! REAGAN! You're asleep! Wake up! The country's in a mess! You're anyway out in the way, buddy You're history -- you're meat -- you're through! You're vapor -- you're baloney without the mayo, buddy! You're outta here -- In fact, it's Robin Leach instead! "I don't know why . . . "

Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me? Am I really that bad? HE'S BAD, HE'S BAD, HE'S BAD "I think you're a jerk! I'm moving from you!" "Make me a sandwich." "Moving to Venice." "I'll be black." (Jack! What?) "Still white, Jim . . . " I hate my mother I hate my father I AM my sister . . . And Jermaine is a negro! A NEGRO! A NEGRO! A NEGRO! "I thought he looked good -- what happened to you?" "Please read this pamphlet." "I'm so BAD!" You take the monkey, I'll take the llama, We'll have a party: get me a Pepsi -Michael is Janet, Janet is Michael -I'm so confused now -Who is Diana? He's oxygenated His nose is deflated And he thinks he looks good to you He thinks he looks good to you

Ike: Oh, I'm sorry . . . FZ: This is supposed to be the part where I . . . name people who are not . . . related in any particular way to . . . Michael Jackson . . . so . . . oh, let's see now, who could it be . . . uh . . . What's your name . . . ? His name is Bob? Bob is not the illegitimate son of Michael Jackson, take it from me . . . Billy Jean is not Mr. Bob Arnold Silvestri . . . (Ha ha ha!) Billy Jean isn't Arnold Silvestri Jeanne Kirkpatrick . . . Billy Jean is not Kirkpatrick Lando Calrissian . . . Give me oxygen Give me oxygen Give me oxygen Box o' turds FZ: That's right, a box o' turds! 10. Bacon Fat (Andre Williams & Dorothy Brown/FZ) Frauenthal Auditorium, Muskegon, Michigan March 1, 1988 While I was down in W.D.C. Certain folks were not glad to see me I just tried to get out the vote But some little weasel must 'a dropped 'em a note It said: "Check out the politics Practiced by this oaf And if they ain't just right Feed him Confinement Loaf." They wanne be Feedin' me Feedin' me Feedin' me Feedin' me Feedin' me Feedin' me Feedin' me Feedin' me LOAF . . . loaf

Frauenthal Auditorium, Muskegon, Michigan March 1, 1988 & Auditorium Theatre, Chicago March 3, 1988

12. Murder By Numbers (Sting & Andy Summers) includes Stolen Moments (Nelson) Auditorium Theatre, Chicago March 3, 1988 Performance by Sting FZ: Alright . . . Now, this afternoon on my way down the elevator we stopped at the lobby, and I was introduced to a man named Sting who I'd never met before. And, he's a very nice man, and he came to the show tonight and I just talked to him in the dressing room a little while ago and I said: "How would you, Mr. Sting, like to come up on stage and perform with us?" Now . . . Sting: How's [...]. It's not in my nature to kick a man when he's down. When I saw the first part of the show I realised I had to come up here and tell you something. Well, four years ago Jimmy Swaggart said this about me: He said this here song by The Police, "Murder By Numbers," was written by SATAN! Performed by the sons of SATAN! BEELZEBUB! LUCIFER! THE HORNED ONE! I wrote the fuckin' song, alright? Once that you've decided on a killing First you make a stone of your heart If you find that your hands are still willing Then you can turn a murder into art There really isn't any need for bloodshed You just do it with a little more finesse If you can slip a tablet into someone's coffee Then it avoids an awful lot of mess because It's murder by numbers one two three It's as easy to learn as your ABC Murder by numbers one two three It's as easy to learn as your ABC Now if you have a taste for this experience And you're flushed with your very first success Then you must try a twosome or a threesome And you'll find your conscience bothers you much less Because a murder is like anything you take to It's a habit-forming need for more and more

Feedin' me Feedin' me Feedin' me Feedin' me Feedin' me Feedin' me Feedin' me Feedin' me LOAF . . . loaf Feedin' 'em Feedin' 'em Feedin' 'em Feedin' 'em Feedin' 'em Feedin' 'em Feedin' 'em Feedin' 'em LOAF . . . now! 11. Stolen Moments (Oliver Nelson)

You can bump off every member of your family And anybody else you find a bore Because it's murder by numbers one two three It's as easy to learn as your ABC Murder by numbers one two three It's as easy to learn as your ABC I said murder by numbers one two three It's as easy to learn as your ABC Murder by numbers one two three It's as easy to learn as your ABC Murder by numbers A B C D E FZ: Mr. Sting! Ladies and gentlemen . . . Mr. Sting! Ike: Sting! FZ: Thank you! "Murder By Numbers" . . . And then, suddenly . . . 13. Jezebel Boy

Trumpet solo by Walt Fowler

includes quotes from Perry Mason Theme (Steiner) and Jingle Bells (Pierpont) Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA February 13, 1988 Jezebel Boy! You know all the guys In the Sheriff's Patrol They leave you alone When they round up the whores Up on Hollywood Boulebard (What? Now this is what happens in Los Angeles . . . ) Sometimes that ol' nasty D.A., you say Thinks he needs his name In the paper again -That's when The short-pants girls They have to take that ride With a friendly, friendly policeman But the Jezebel Boy On the corner by the Technicolor processing plant He stands by the light; Waitin' through that night Waitin', waitin' for that, that distinguished-looking Wilshire District Gentleman With snow-white hair, (Senator Hollings: Maybe I could make a good rock star) To drive up in his Lincoln, And whisk away the Jezebel Boy There he goes now! Old Ralph will make him put that wretched Sausage in his mouth again

These executives have plooked the fuck out of me And there's still a long time to go Before I've Paid my debt to society. And all I ever really wanted to do was Play the guitar 'N bend the string like: 'Reent-toont-teent-toont-teenooneenoonee' I've got it! I'll be sullen and withdrawn -I'll dwindle off into the twilight realm Of my own secret thoughts! I'll lay on my back here 'til dawn, In a semi-catatonic state And dream of guitar notes That would irritate An EXECUTIVE KINDA GUY . . . Well, I guess that one did the trick! If they only coulda heard it, Half-a-dozen of 'em woulda strangled While they was suckin' on each others' dick! Yeah, but that was only a bunch of Imaginary notes I played -Just a little extra somethin' To keep me goin' from day to day But that's okay -I'm gettin' outta here pretty soon -Then I won't have to live In this ugly fuckin' room Hey! I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . Listen here!

Ike: Hah hah hah! Hah hah hah! FZ: Go ahead! Ike: Hah hah hah! FZ: Want that again? Ike: Yeah, sure!

I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . Listen here, yeah!

Old Ralph will make him put that wretched Sausage in his mouth again And again (Again again) Aaaaand . . . one mo' gin

Outside now Outside now Outside now Outside . . .

Well, hah! Well, you know they say . . . Another day, Another sausage -Jezebel Boy 14. Outside Now

I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . .

Sing it! I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . Yeah! I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . Yeah!

Guitar Joe's Garage Acts II & III The Perfect Stranger You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4

I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . .

includes a quote from Big Swifty

15. Hot-Plate Heaven At The Green Hotel

Wembley Arena, London, UK April 19, 1988 & Palasport, Genoa, Italy June 9, 1988

Does Humor Belong In Music? Stadthalle, Vienna, Austria May 8, 1988 &

Rudi-Sedlmeyer Sporthalle, Munich, Germany May 9, 1988 I used to have a job An' I was doin' fairly well Depression came along An' everybody start to yell "Where'd they go, them good ol' days, 'An all that crap we used to sell?" Now I'm in Hot-Plate Heaven, at the Green Hotel Republicans is fine, If you're a multi-millionaire Democrats is fair, If all you own is what you wear Neither of 'em's REALLY right, 'Cause neither of 'em CARE 'Bout that Hot-Plate Heaven, 'Cause they ain't been there They really oughta go 'N find out how the hall-way smell -They'd benefit to know 'Bout what the bums in there could tell (I guess we're only dreamin', But I s'pose it's just as well That's ALL you get to dream Up in the Green Hotel) Nature didn't put me here, An' neither did my fate -It musta been some evil ol' Republican candidate! He's over there in Washington, But I wish he was in HELL 'Cause I'm in Hot-Plate Heaven At the Green Hotel Things is slightly better now; They hope we will forget The misery of 'TRICKLE DOWN', An' jelly-bean etiquette The Regal Presidential Style Has simply not worn well, But neither has my rags, Up in the Green Hotel

What's a girl like you Doin' in a Motel like this? "I left my place after midnight, When I first got the call . . . The escort service I work for Said you wanted it ALL!" Well, you came to the right place -- this is it! I got the most sanctified johnson in all Louisiana! No shit! "How true that is!" How true, indeed, Llama! "The other whores at the service said You helped fulfill their need! I like to get right down . . . Do you like to get right down too?" Well, what did you have in mind? "Well, I get off being spoo-ed upon By hypocritical TV preachers With close ties to the Republican Party, While Ed Meese wipes his ass On the U.S. Constitution, screamin' . . . That is I think I know tune in But it's all wrong That is I think I disagree 'I don't think so -I can't remember -I just couldn't ever do that --'" Gets me so hot I could scream: 'I don't think so: can't remember who . . . Wrote the memo, or to whom it's to . . . ' Hey, your escort service has always been far-out 'n groovy -Ever been to the Texas Motel? Let me take you dow-how-how-how-how-how-hownnnnn!

(I said) the Green Hotel (I mean) the Green Hotel (Been there once) the Green Hotel (An' gone again) the Green Hotel

Magic Jesus by the bed, Wall mounted TV screen, My church plugged into the gravy train, And Reagan keeps me clean!

Neither has my rags Up in the Green Hotel

What kind of girl? What kind of girl would suck his rod? What kind of girl? What kind of girl would suck his rod? (A lazy prostitute!) We wouldn't blow you just because you know "GOD"! What kind of girl? What kind of girl would suck his rod?

Pass me the dog food! 16. What Kind Of Girl? Fillmore East, June 1971 includes quotes from The Untouchables (Riddle), The Battle Hymn Of The Republic (Steffe/Howe) and Strawberry Fields Forever (Lennon/McCartney) Frauenthal Auditorium, Muskegon, Michigan March 1, 1988 & Auditorium Theatre, Chicago March 4, 1988

This unfortunate little vixen wouldn't let just ANYBODY Spoo all over her lap -She wants an ignorant Cracker TV Evangelist Who's reciting all that crap . . . 17. Jesus Thinks You're A Jerkt includes quotes from Light Cavalry Overture (von Suppé), The Battle Hymn Of The Republic (Steffe/Howe), The Twilight Zone Theme (Constant),

Entry Of The Gladiators (Fucik), The Old Rugged Cross (Bennard), Dixie (Emmett), Louie Louie (Richard Berry), Rock Of Ages (Toplady/Hastings), and a fragment of One Man - One Vote Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA February 13 & 14, 1988 & Royal Oak Music Theatre, Detroit, Michigan February 26, 1988 & Cumberland County Civic Center, Portland March 15, 1988 & Rothman Center, Teaneck, New Jersey March 20, 1988 & Civic Center, Providence March 16, 1988 & Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, NY March 25, 1988 & Warner Theatre, Washington DC February 9, 1988 & Wembley Arena, London, UK April 19, 1988 & Shea's Theater, Buffalo March 9, 1988 & War Memorial Auditorium, Rochester, NY March 11, 1988 & Unknown location & date guest vocalist: Eric Buxton Yes, friends . . . Pass the plate around, friends . . . Join us, friends . . . There's an ugly little weasel 'bout three-foot nine Face puffed up from cryin' 'n lyin' 'Cause her sweet little hubby's Suckin' prong part time (In the name of The Lord) Get a clue, little shrew Oh yeah, oh yeah Jesus thinks you're a jerk Would he really choose Tammy to do His Work? Unh-unh Hallelujah! (Yes, friends . . . )

Perhaps it's their idea Of an Affirmative Action Plan To give White Trash a 'special break'; Well, they took those Jeezo-bucks and ran To the bank! To the bank! To the bank! To the bank! And every night we can hear them thank Their Buddy, up above For sending down his love (While you all smell the glove) Henry Cisneros, ladies and gentlemen! Jim and Pat should take a pole (Right up each saintly glory-hole), With tar and feathers too -Just like they'd love to do to you ('Cause they think you are bad -Yes, they do! And they are very mad) 'Cause some folks don't want prayer in school! (We'd need an ark to survive the drool Of Micro-publicans, raised on hate, And 'Jimbo-Jumbo' when they graduate) Convinced they are 'The Chosen Ones' -And all their parents carry guns, (Hey, look! Godzilla!) And hold them cards in the N.R.A. (Ah, hellfire, Melvin, hey hee!) (With their fingers on the trigger ("It's hot.") When they kneel and pray) ("I mean that . . . ") With a Ku-Klux muu-muu In the back of the truck, If you ain't Born Again, They wanna mess you up, screamin': "No abortion, no-siree!" "Life's too precious, can't you see!" (What's that hangin' from a neighbor's tree? Why, it looks like 'colored folks' to me -Would THEY do THAT . . . They've been doin' it for years! Seriously?) And now, ladies and gentlemen, the dynamic Eric Buxton Imagine if you will, A multi-millionaire TV Evangelist, Saved from Korean Combat duty by his father, a U.S. Senator

Robertson says that he's The One Oh he sure is, if Armageddon Is your idea of family fun, An' he's got some planned for you! (Now, tell me that ain't true)

Studied law -But is not qualified to practice it

Give me that old time religion!

Father of a "love child" Who, in adulthood, hosts the remnants Of papa's religious propaganda program

Now, what if Jimbo's slightly gay, Will Pat let Jimbo get away? Everything we've heard him say Indicates that Jim must pay, (And it just might hurt a bit) Just a bit! But keep that money rollin' in, 'Cause Pat and naughty Jimbo Can't get enough of it (let's dance!)

Claims not to be a "Faith Healer," But has, in the past, Dealt sternly with everything from hemorrhoids to hurricanes Involved with funding for an 'undeclared war' in Central America Claiming Ronald Reagan and Oliver North as close friends

Involved in suspicous 'tax-avoidance schemes', (Under investigation for 16 months by the I.R.S.) Claims to be a MAN OF GOD; Currently seeking the United States Presidency, Hoping we will all follow him into -The Twilight Zone But, hey! What if Pat gets in the White House, (No fuckin' way, Ike, You know what I mean) The rights of 'certain people' disappear Mysteriously? Now, wouldn't that sort of qualify As an American Tragedy? (Especially if they cover it up, sayin' "Jesus told it to me!") (I mean vapor tight, we're like this, okay? I mean that) I hope we never see that day, (I mean that. Right here. It's hot. It's hot.) In The Land of The Free -Or someday will we? (92?) Will we? (96?)

Then, surely I have failed somehow -Surely I have failed somehow Surely I have failed somehow And Jesus will think I'm a jerk, just like you -If you let those TV Preachers Make a monkey out of you! I said: "Jesus will think you're a jerk" And it would be true! There's an old rugged cross In the land of the Stainless Maiden -It's just burnin' on the lawn But this person looks like Tom Braden! Jim and Tammy! Oh, baby! You gotta go! You really got to go! Jim and Tammy got to go FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, this is intermission. Get your butt out there and register to vote! Would you please? See you in a half an hour!

And if you don't know by now, The truth of what I'm tellin' you, All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the album booklet Corrections and additions by Román, John W. Busher, Ryan Davenport, Abe Scott, Sergio Maiandi, Charles Ulrich and Ike The parts on the original vinyl not on the CD are printed this way

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 (Zappa, November 1989) 13. Joe's Garage 2:20 14. Why Does It Hurt When I Pee? 3:06

disc 1 1. 2.

Sharleena 8:53 Bamboozled By Love/Owner Of A Lonely Heart (FZ/Rabin/Horn/Anderson/Squire) 6:06 3. Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up 2:52 4. Advance Romance (1984) 6:58 Bobby Brown Goes Down 2:44 5. 6. Keep It Greasey 3:30 Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me? 4:16 7. In France 3:01 8. 9. Drowning Witch 9:22 10. Ride My Face To Chicago 4:22 11. Carol, You Fool 4:06 12. Chana In De Bushwop (FZ/Diva Zappa) 4:52 Arranged, produced, compiled and edited by Frank Zappa Recording engineers: Mark Pinske, Kerry McNab, Bob Stone Remix engineers: Bob Stone Remix facility: UMRK Package design by Art Hotel, inc.

disc 2 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11.

Dickie's Such An Asshole 10:08 Hands With A Hammer (Bozzio) 3:18 Zoot Allures 6:09 Society Pages 2:32 I'm A Beautiful Guy 1:54 Beauty Knows No Pain 2:55 Charlie's Enormous Mouth 3:39 Cocaine Decisions 3:14 Nig Biz 4:58 King Kong 24:32 Cosmik Debris 5:13

Send my baby home to me Send my baby home to Me-ee-ee-ee

disc 1 1. Sharleena The Lost Episodes Chunga's Revenge Playground Psychotics Them Or Us

2. Bamboozled By Love / Owner Of A Lonely Heart (FZ / T. Rabin, T. Horn, J. Anderson, C. Squire) Tinsel Town Rebellion

Universal Amphitheater, Universal City, CA December 23, 1984

includes a quote from Owner Of A Lonely Heart (Rabin/Horn/Anderson/Squire)

FZ lead guitar/vocal Dweezil Zappa lead guitar Ike Willis rhythm guitar/vocal Ray White rhythm guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984

FZ: Okay, ladies and gentlemen: my son Dweezil! Ike: The Dweeze! FZ: Dweezil is going to play the guitar solo on a song from the Them Or Us album, called "Sharleena." Ike: Huh! Oooh oooh oooh Battlestar: Galactica? Oooh oooh oooh Everybody! I'm cryin' I'm cryin' Cryin' for Sharleena, Can't you see I called up all my baby's friends 'N ask'n um Where she done went. ("Jungle Boogie"?) But nobody 'round here seems to know Where my Sharleena's been Where my Sharleena's been Ten long years I've been lovin' her Ten long years And I thought deep down in my heart She was mine Ten long years I've been lovin' her Ten long years I would call her my baby, and now, I'm always cryin' I would be so delighted (The Dweeze!) (I would be) I would be so delighted (Yes, I would be) If they would just Send her on home to me I would be so delighted (I . . . ) I would be so delighted (Yes, I would be) If they would just Send her on home to me Send my baby home to me Send my baby home to me

FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar/vocal Ray White rhythm guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums FZ: Thank you! Bamboozled by love, Oh lord, the shit done hit the fan Bamboozled by love Oh lord, the shit done hit the fan The way that girl been carryin' on I swear I just don't understand Don't you know I treat her nice and kind The way no other lover can Don't you know I treat her nice and kind The way no other lover can You know I came home the other day and she was Suckin' off some other man (Isn't that amazing?) I ain't the type for beggin' I am not the type to plead If she don't change those evil ways I'm gonna make her bleed She can scream and she can holler Bang her head all along the wall If she don't give me what I want She ain't gonna have no head at all Bamboozled by love I know she fooled around too long Bamboozled by love I know she fooled around too long I am mad and gettin' meaner I am here and she is gone And the reason you have not seen her She is underneath the lawn I know she's underneath the lawn, lawn, lawn I ain't the type for beggin' I am not the type to plead If she don't change those evil ways I'm gonna make her bleed She can scream and she can holler Bang her head all along the wall If she don't give me what I want Ain't gonna have no head at all Bamboozled by love I know she fooled around too long Bamboozled by love

I know she fooled around too long I am mad and gettin' meaner, meaner I am here and she is gone And the reason you have not seen her She is underneath the lawn

(Love her) I mean it (Love her) You know I love her (I love . . . )

And the reason you have not seen her She is underneath the lawn The lawn . . .

Lucille My heart up (My heart up) Ooh, I love her (Love her) (Love her) You know love her (I love . . . )

3. Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up Joe's Garage Act I Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar/vocal Ray White rhythm guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums Lucille Has messed my mind up But I still love her, yeah You know love her Lucille She messed my mind up, yeah But I still love her, yeah Oh you know I love her Whatcha tryna doota me Lucille? Whatcha tryna doota me Lucille? I'm sayin' Whatcha tryna doota me Lucille? You got me goin' outa my mind Lucille She tore my heart up But I still need her You know I need her, yeah And Lucille Tore my heart up But I still need, I need her You know I need her I'm sayin' She treats me like my hard Is made of stone She run around And leave me home All alone I'm tellin' you She doesn't answer When I call her on the phone She messed up my mind I'm cryin' alla the time Lucille Oh oui . . . my mind up (My mind up) I said I love her

Lucille (Oh) Lucille, ci-i-i-i-ille 4. Advance Romance Bongo Fury FZ:OZ You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 Make A Jazz Noise Here includes quotes from the Calabrian Tarantella (trad.) and I'll Tumble 4 Ya (Hay/Moss/Craig/O'Dowd) Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984 and Queen Elizabeth Theatre, Vancouver December 18, 1984 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar/vocal Ray White rhythm guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums No more credit From the liquor store My suit is all dirty, boy My shoes is all wore I'm tired and lonely, my FBI heart is all sore Advance romance I can't stand it no more, no more She told me she loved me I believed what she said She took me for a sucker, boy All corn-fed The next thing I knew She had a bolt on the door Advance romance (Oh yeah) I can't use it no more, no more She took Ike's watch Like they always do (It was a Timex, too!) (AH-HOO WAH-HOO) (And ashamed on you, yeah) No more money, boy I shoulda knew (DUNT-DE-DUNT DUNT-DE-DAH DUNT-DE-DUNT-DUNT DAH-DE-DE-DAH)

(Won't somebody go sit on ah . . . ) (Yes! He's showin' the magic!) (DUNT-DE-DUNT . . . HI-YO, SILVER!) (The tinsel's here) (The big drawers . . . ) The way she do me, boy (Oh . . . oh, yeah) She might do you, too (Awfully big drawers now!) The way she do me, boy She might do you, too (She's from Utah!) (I'LL TUMBLE 4 YA . . . ) (Oh no . . . ) The way she do me, boy She might do you, too (You remember Utah You know what happened . . . ) Drawers! Advance romance People I am through I'm through! Potato-head Bobby Was a friend of mine He opened three of his eyes In the food stamp line He opened four of his eyes In the food stamp line He opened five of his eyes In the food stamp line He opened six of his eyes In the food stamp line He said she might be a devil (Well, I don't know . . . ) But she sure was fine Advance romance (Oh yeah . . . ) He wanna try it one time Just one time Later that night He drop on by He told her all he wanna do Is come up and say "Hi" (HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI) Half an hour later She had frenched his fry (EVERYBODY!) (YODELOO YODELOO YODELOO YODEL) Frenched his fry (ISN'T THAT AMAZING?) (What?) Advance romance Bobby, say good-bye-yay-yay-yay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ahh 5. Bobby Brown Goes Down Sheik Yerbouti Have I Offended Someone? Paramount Theatre, Seattle, Washington December 17, 1984 (late show) FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar/vocal Ray White rhythm guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

(Ooh . . . ) A real hologram! (We sure do!) I mean: not real, but almost a real hologram Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown They say I'm the cutest boy in town My car is fast, my teeth is shiney Tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie (Tiny heinie ho!) Here I am at a famous school (Gonna fly now) I'm dressin' sharp I'm actin' cool I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper Let her do all the work 'n maybe later I'll rape her Oh God I am the American dream I do not think I'm too extreme An' I'm a handsome sonofabitch Gonna get a NEW GLOVE 'n be real rich (Get a good, get a good, get a good, get a good . . . ) Women's Liberation Came creepin' across the nation I tell you people, I was not ready When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie She made a little speech then, Aw, she tried to make me say when She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick Oh God I am the American dream But now I smell like Vaseline An' I'm a miserable sonofabitch Am I a boy or a lady . . . I don't know which (I wonder wonder, Hi-Yo, Silver!) So I went out 'n bought me a leisure mask I jingle my change, but I'm still kinda cute Got a job doin' radio promo (Gonna fly now) An' none of the jocks can even think about Tonto Eventually me 'n a friend Sorta of drifted along into S&M (YA!) I can take about an hour on the tower of power 'Long as I gets a little golden shower Oh God I am the American dream With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream An' I'll do anything to get ahead Hi-Yo, Silver! Oh God, Oh God, I'm so fan . . . Hi-Yo, Silver! And my name is Bobby Brown And my name is Bobby Brown Hi-Yo, Silver! Away! And my name is Bobby Brown Hi-Yo, Silver! FZ: Ha-ha . . . Oh, never mind . . . The name of this song is: "Keep It Greasey" Ike: Hi-Yo! 6. Keep It Greasey FZ:OZ Joe's Garage Acts II & III includes quotes from the William Tell Overture (Rossini) and Midnight Sun (Hampton/Burke/Mercer)

The Pier, NYC August 26, 1984 and Paramount Theatre, Seattle, Washington December 17, 1984 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar/vocal Ray White rhythm guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums Hi-Yo, Silver! Away! Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy (Hi-Yo!) Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Roll it over 'n grease it down I'll drive you through the heart of town Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Roll it over 'n grease it down (Hi-Yo, Silver!) I'll drive you through the heart of town

Take a little slobber (Hi-Yo, Silver!) From the side of your mouth From your mouth From your mouth From your mouth From your mouth Grease it down Here come that crazy Screamin' sound . . . Hi-Yo, Silver! Ah-ah-ah! Thank you, Masked Man! Hi-Yo, Silver! Ah-ah-ah! Hi . . . Hi-Yo, Silver! (Oh, God . . . Okay, everybody!) Hi-Yo, Silver! Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Roll it over 'n grease it down, down, down Grease it down . . . Oh no no no! Here comes that screamin' sound again . . . 7. Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me? Zappa In New York Läther You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 includes a quote from The Twilight Zone (Constant)

Hey, the good women, they sure has it tough The good men, well there just ain't enough All the good girls are lookin' all the time Good SILVER is something that they can't find 'Cause if they find one miraculously They try to be lovin' as they can be 'Cause if they find one and let him go Chances are they might not never find one no mo' So they . . . Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy (Away!) Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Roll it over 'n grease it down (Hi-Yo!) I'll drive you through the heart of town A good lovin' man is hardest to find A good woman needs to ease her mind I know a few that need to ease it behind All y'gotta do is grease it down 'N everything is fine Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy Roll it over 'n grease it down I'll drive you through the heart of town A girl don't need No fancy grease To get herself Some rump release Any kind Of lube'll do Maybe from another Part of you Lube from the North Lube from the South

The Pier, NYC August 25-26, 1984 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar/vocal Ray White rhythm guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me He was the Playboy Type (he smoked a pipe) His fav'rite phrase was "OUTA-SITE!" He had an Irish Setter (Hrtch-a-pltch Hrtch-a-pltch Hrtch-a-pltch Arf!) It was a singles bar, a Tuesday night The moon was dim, the band was tight They did the Bump together What a splendid sight (Roon doon doon doon) Her teeth were white (Roon doon doon doon doon doon) The drinks were cheap (it was Ladies Nite) He was glad that he met her She was an office girl (her name was Betty) Her fav'rite group was . . . Audience: HELEN REDDY!

No! TWISTED SISTER! FZ: OK, wait wait wait, let's do it right. OK, now that you know what you're supposed to say there, let's hear it. She was an office girl (her name was Betty) Her fav'rite group was . . . TWISTED SISTER (They discussed the weather) Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Man! She was a lonely sort, just a little too short Her jokes were dumb and her fav'rite sport Was hockey (in the winter) (Mumble-mumble . . . He scores!) He was duly impressed and was quick to suggest Any sport with a PUCK had to be 'bout the best As he jabbed his elbow in her (get it honey? Get it honey? Sister Honey?) Later on they went off to where the music was soft, The candles were drippy, they saw a REAL HIPPY Who delivered their dinner

I'm petulant, And I'm having a frenzy!) On the sofa she weeps BOO HOO HOO HOO She weeps and she weeps BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO She weeps and she peeps Through the curtain He just got in his car But the battery's dead So he asked to use the phone And she gives him some head And that's the end of the story Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Man! Baby don't you want a man sometimes? 8. In France Them Or Us Have I Offended Someone? includes a quote from La Marseillaise (de Lisle)

The rice was brown, and soon they found That the crowd around that had jammed the room, Well it seemed to be getting thinner (Break dancing!) Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Man! He took her home to a motor court She wouldn't kiss him, he tried to ignore it, But it made him angry! (Oh boy! What a cone! And I don't believe that he can bust . . . ) (What? . . . ) He called her a pig (Pig pig pig . . . ) A slut (Slut slut slut . . . ) And a whore (Whore whore whore . . . ) A bitch (Bitch bitch bitch . . . ) And a Republican (Republican!) And she slammed (She slammed) The door In a petulant frenzy! (A petulant frenzy! This is a petulant Frenzy!

Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar/vocal Ray White rhythm guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums (Isn't that amazing!) Playin' in a tent It's payin' the rent Pooch a civilian, It's a major event Down in France Way down in France (Yeah-hey) Way on down (Way down) Way on down (Way down) Under France The girls is all salty The boys is all sweet The food ain't too shabby, An' they piss in the streets Down in France (yeah, now) Way down in France Way on down (Way down) Way on down (Way down) Down under France

They got diseases Like you never seen They got a mystery blow-job Turn your peter green Down in France Way down in France Way on down (Way down) Way on down (Way down) Down under France They got some coffee, Eatin' right through the cup, An' when you go ka-ka They make you stand up Down in France (Yeah-hey, now) Way down in France Way on down Way on down (Way down) Down under France (Listen here!) If you're not careful, It'll stick to your cheeks You'll smell like Godzilla For a couple of weeks Down in France Way down in France (Isn't that amazing?) Way on down (Wash yer gloves!) (Way down) Way on down (Way down) Down under France Well, suck that harmonica, son! We cannot wait Till we go back It gets so exciting When the poodles 'react' Down in France (Yeah, down) Way down in France (Yeah-hey) (Oh, whoops!) Way on down (Way down) Way on down (Way down) Never try to get yo' peter sucked In France Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! 9. Drowning Witch Ship Arriving Too Late To Save A Drowning Witch includes quotes from a Hawaiian Punch commercial, Dragnet (Schumann/Rósza) and Rite Of Spring (Stravinsky) Stadio Communale, Bolzano, Italy July 3, 1982 and Bayfront Center Arena, St. Petersburg, Florida December 1, 1984 and

Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984 and Paramount Theatre, Seattle, Washington December 17, 1984 musicians 1984: FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums musicians 1982: FZ lead guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums There's a ship arriving too late To save a drowning witch She was swimmin' along Tryin' to keep a date With a Merchant Marine Who told her he was really rich But it doesn't matter no more . . . She's on the ocean floor 'N the water's all green down there 'N it's not very clean down there 'N water snakes 'N rusty wrecks Is all that she can see As the light goes dim And she's tryin' to swim Will she make it? (Boy, we sure hope so . . . ) Not even a witch oughta be caught On the bottom of America's spew-infested HO HO HO, hey-hey . . . She could get radiation all over her She could mutate insanely . . . (Aie-ee-aie) She could mutate insanely . . . (Earth Walk) Then you know, she could go on the freeway and grow up to be 15 feet tall And very, very scary-lookin' (Boo-oo-ooh!) BOO-OOH! And then . . . Cars could crash all over the place As a result of people with Hawaiian shirts on . . . Lookin' up to her go HO HO HO Sardines in her eyebrows . . . Lobsters up 'n down her pudenda All of them HORRIBLY LARGE FROM GRADUATION . . . And smelling very bad And DANGEROUS! Maybe a submarine could save her, (That's right!) (Yes, that's true!) And bring her back just like a MUD SHARK . . . Tell 'em what they win, Bob! Well, Bill, for the ladies: A full week's supply of D'Artagnan's Onion rings, Ronco's new Bondage-In-A-Bottle! It won't crack, it won't slip, it won't peel, it won't budge, It won't bite, it won't fade . . .

And of course a brand new, absolutely brand new, New, new, and of course, but also a new car!

Ride on my face Ride my . . .

10. Ride My Face To Chicago

11. Carol, You Fool

Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984

Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984

FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar/vocal Ray White rhythm guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar/vocal Ray White rhythm guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

Ride my face to Chicago Ride it all night long Ride my face to Chicago Ride it all night long Say oo-wee-oo-oo (Oo-wee-oo-oo) You can say that! (Oo-wee-oo-oo) One more time! (Oo-wee-oo-oo) Oh, well Ride my . . . Ride my face to Chicago Ride it all night long Ride my face to Chicago Ride it all night long All aboard? (Oo-wee-oo-oo) The train is leaving soon (Oo-wee-oo-oo) You must be on board with a ticket (Oo-wee-oo-oo) Will that be an aisle or a window? Ride my . . . (Ride my!) Ride on my face Ride on my face Ride on my face Ride my face to Chicago Ride it all night long Ride my face to Chicago Ride it all night long Say oo-wee-oo-wee-wee-wee-wee (Oo-wee-oo-oo) Oo-wee-wee-oo oo-wee-oo oo-wee-wee (Oo-wee-oo-oo) Tell 'em what they win, Bob! (Oo-wee-oo-oo) From the spinning catalog! Ride my . . . Ride on my face Ride on my face (Pocket Fisherman!) Ride on my face Ride on my face (Veg-O-Matic!) Ride on my face Ride on my face (Oo-wee!)

FZ: Thank you! Oh Carol! Oh Carol! You was a fool Carol, you fool You was a fool Carol, you fool Carol, you fool Don't you know you're crazy He won't be true But your mind's a little hazy He'll break your heart Don't let it start But if you think it's better Go ahead and buy 'm a sweater Carol, you fool You think you've got it so bad (Thank you!) Tryin' to steal some money Just to get some more of what you had And he's got the dog And he has no log No, he won't come back So put away your black-jack You wanna try (You wanna try) To rob some Mexican guy (To rob a Mexican guy) Beat him on the head (Oh, you beat him on his head) Maybe make him dead (You just might make him dead) Just so you can fly (Oh, you wanna fly) From Pittsburgh out to see him (You said you really gotta see him) Carol, you're a foolish fool (Carol, oh-oh, girl!) You don't really need him Carol Carol (Oh . . . ) Carol Carol Fool Fool (Oh yeah!) Fool Carol, you fool

You wanna try (Oh . . . you said you wanna try) (You wanna try to rob some Mexican guy) To rob some Mexican guy (To rob a Mexican guy) (You wanna beat him all over his head) Beat him on the head (Please, don't beat him on his head, girl) (If you wanna make him dead, Who knows what you want to do 'cause he's not . . . ) Maybe make him dead (You just might make him dead) Just so you can fly (You say you gotta gotta fly) From Pittsburgh out to see him (You didn't . . . broccoli tonight) (Fool, you really gotta see him) Carol, you're a foolish fool (Carol, oh-oh, girl!) You don't really need him Carol, you fool I think you better try again Carol, you fool Don't wanna see you cry again He's gone away What can you say? Carol, you fool You'll meet another engineer You was a fool (Aw, Carol, you fool) Carol, you fool (Carol, you foolish fool) You was a fool (No!) (Oh Carol, you . . . ) Carol, you fool (Carol, you foolish, foolish fool) You was a fool (Oh Carol, you fool) Carol, you fool YOU! 12. Chana In De Bushwop (FZ & Diva Zappa) Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar/vocal Ray White rhythm guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums Chana in de Bushwop In de Bushwop Chana in de Bushwop In de Bushwop Chana in de Bushwop In de Bushwop Chana in de Bushwop In de Bushwop Chana in de Bushwop In de Bushwop Chana in de Bushwop In de Bushwop Chana in de Bushwop In de Bushwop Chana in de Bushwop

She live in a tree (They call her Chana in de Bushwop) Nine foot three (They call her Chana in de Bushwop) Larger than me (She's a Chana in de Bushwop) And she's a mystery (She's a Chana in de Bushwop) They call her Chana in de Bushwop In de Bushwop Chana in de Bushwop In de Bushwop Where she goes . . . Nobody knows She eats a horse (She's a Chana in de Bushwop) It's very large of course (Like a Chana in de Bushwop) She wears a dog (Like/Chaka Chana in de Bushwop) And she loves that frog (Like/Chaka Chana in de Bushwop) They call her Chana in de Bushwop In de Bushwop Chana in de Bushwop In de Bushwop Where she goes . . . Nobody knows Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana In de Bushwop Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana In de Bushwop Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana In de Bushwop Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana In de Bushwop Chana in de Bushwop In de Bushwop Chana in de Bushwop In de Bushwop Isn't that amazing? She went to France (Like a Chana in de Bushwop) And she tried to dance (Like a Chana in de Bushwop) She raised a big fuss (Like a Chana in de Bushwop) In the back of the bus (Like a Chana in de Bushwop) One of those dudes with a long loaf of bread Made a big mistake When he turned and said: "Chana inne zi bouchoipe (Hey! Nice volcano!) Chana inne zi bouchoipe Hon hon hon!" She banged his head (Like a Chana in de Bushwop) With a loaf of lead (Like a Chana in de Bushwop) She had this sucker weepin' (Like a Chana in de Bushwop) 'Bout that sausage he's keepin' (Like a Chana in de Bushwop)

He stood there weepin' on the crumbs She said:

Sure! Isn't that amazing?

Isn't that amazing? Oh! It's just amazing . . . Ha ha ha! That's right! It's . . . it's broccoli for him! Yes, oh, what? Isn't that amazing? Oh . . . uh . . .

We thought we was pretty good We talked about keepin' the band together 'N we figured that we should 'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye From the girls in the neighborhood They'd all come over 'n dance around like . . .

Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana (Broccoli for everyone!) In de Bushwop Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana (It's on the house tonight!) In de Bushwop Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana In de Bushwop Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana In de Bushwop

The diamond is the hardest substance known to man, But you can't . . .

Chana from de Bushwop From de Bushwop Chana from de Bushwop From de Bushwop (Ka-poo!) Where'd she go? Well, I don't know! I-da-ho! (Wile E. Coyote!) 13. Joe's Garage Joe's Garage Act I includes a quote from Wipe Out (Berryhill/Connolly/Fuller/Wilson) Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar/vocal Ray White rhythm guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums It wasn't very large There was just enough room to cram the drums In the corner over by the Dodge It was a fifty-four With a mashed up door And a cheesy little amp With a sign on the front said "Fender Champ" And a second-hand guitar It was a Veg-O-Matic with a whammy bar (Back to you, Bill!) We could jam in Joe's Garage His mama was screamin' "THAR SHE BLOWS!" His dad was mad We was playin' the same old song In the afternoon 'n sometimes we would Play it all night long It was all we knew, 'n easy too So we wouldn't get it wrong Even if we played it on a saxophone

So we picked out a stupid name Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks 'N we was on our way to fame (Isn't that amazing?) Got matching suits 'N Beatle Boots 'N a sign on the back of the car 'N we was ready to work in a GO-GO Bar ONE TWO THREE FOUR CHOP THAT BROCCOLI SOME MORE! People seemed to like our song They got up 'n danced 'n made a lotta noise An' it wasn't 'fore very long A guy from a company we can't name Said we oughta take his pen 'N sign on the line for a real good time But he didn't tell us when These "good times" would be somethin' That was really happenin' So the band broke up An' it looks like (poo-pooh) We will never play again . . . (wee-ooh) Guess you only get one chance in life To play a song that goes like . . . 14. Why Does It Hurt When I Pee? Joe's Garage Act I Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984 and Paramount Theatre, Seattle, Washington December 17, 1984 and ending from: Forum, Montreal, Quebec, Canada November 2, 1984 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar/vocal Ray White rhythm guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums FZ: This is dedicated to the two guys in the crew who went to see the doctor today Why does it hurt when I pee? Why does it hurt when I pee? I don't want the doctor To stick that UTAH in me Why does it hurt when I pee? I got it from the toilet seat I got it from the toilet seat It jumped right up

'N grabbed my meat Got it from the toilet seat My balls feel like a pair of maracas My balls feel like a pair of maracas (No no no no . . . ) I probably got the SALT LAKE CITY GON-O-KHACKUS! My balls feel like a pair of maracas Ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh! Why does it Why does it Why does it Why does it hurt . . . (So you don't forget: call before midnite tonight!) When . . . (Tell 'em what they win, Bob!) I Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? FZ: Intermission! We'll be back in half an hour disc 2 1. Dickie's Such An Asshole Broadway The Hard Way includes quotes from Midnight Sun (Hampton/Burke/Mercer), The Battle Hymn Of The Republic (Steffe/Howe) and Billy The Mountain The Roxy, Los Angeles, CA December 8-10, 1973 musicians 1973: FZ lead guitar/vocal Napoleon Murphy Brock sax/vocal George Duke keyboard/vocal Ruth Underwood percussion Bruce Fowler trombone Tom Fowler bass Chester Thompson drums Ralph Humphrey drums + Marty Perellis announcement Lewis Saul voice The Palladium Dressing Room, NYC October 31, 1977 voices 1977: Terry Bozzio Roy Estrada Adrian Belew Marty Perellis: Okay, hold your applause for one second. Alright, we can come up and do another encore provided everybody provides with the liquor laws, so, pass any glasses that are on the table to the end of the aisle and Mario'll let us do another encore, so just, anybody with a glass: Don't give the waitress a hard time, just pass the glasses to the end of the aisle so the bus boys and waitresses can get it, and don't say it's the last sip. Okay, and once again: Frank Zappa and The Mothers Of Invention! FZ: Thank you! Crowd: "Zomby Woof"! "I'm The Slime"! "Zomby Woof"! FZ: No! Crowd: Yeah! FZ: Listen Crowd: "Louie Louie"! "My Boyfriend's Back"!

FZ: Ah, they're going to ah, reload the cameras and we're gonna do a special, 'nuther special number for you, ladies and gentlemen Lewis: "Dwarf Nebula Processional March & Dwarf Nebula"! Crowd: "Louie Louie"! "LOUIE LOUIE"! FZ: That was quite an experience. "Dwarf Nebula"! Good God! Have you been there too? Alright! It's audience participation time again, ladies and gentlemen. The name of this song is, "Dickie's Such An Asshole," and cancel that for television too, and here's how, here's how the ending goes, and you can sing along. It goes: DICKIE'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE Sincerely, Dick, we mean it! Wee-ooo FZ: Alright, we don't need to practice that, you know, I'm sure you got the lick down just like "El Monte," I'll show you where it comes. It's right at the end of the song, just where all those endings belong. (Let's give it right to them! Give it to them. I mean: this is going to them.) Good Lord, we're so professional! One 'n one is eleven! Two 'n two is twenty-two! Won't somebody kindly tell me, What the government's tryin' t' do . . . Dickie's just too tricky For a chump like me to use Well, you'd take that sub-committee serious, boy You might get a seizure from the evenin' news Well, yeah, yeah, Millions 'n millions of dollars . . . Much as he might need . . . He could open up a chain of motels, people, On the highway, yes indeed! Quadrophonic desperation! You know, there'd be a cable all under your bed Well, if you just might break some wind in your slumber The FBI is gonna get your number GONNA GET YA GONNA GET YA GONNA JUMP UP THE SUB-COMMITTEE AND GET YA! GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER THE FBI GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER THE FBI GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER THE FBI GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER THE FBI DONE GOT YOUR NUMBER THE FBI DONE GOT YOUR NUMBER THE FBI GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER THE FBI GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER Tryin' not to worry Tryin' not to care But you know, I get delighted When some microphone's not there Can't have no private conversations Nowhere In the USA Can't wait 'til the rest of the people all over the the world

Find out that their government Is just the same ol' way Yeah, every day . . .

Kosei Nenkin Kaikan, Osaka, Japan February 3, 1976 Terry Bozzio drum solo

Let me tell you one thing right now Let me tell you one thing right here Let me make this perfectly clear Let me tell you 'bout this right here You know you put me in office So you must have wanted me in office I've did you no harm You know I'm not a crook You know I'm innocent I had twenty-five tapes I only have ten I don't know what happened to the rest Musta gave 'em to a friend Bebe Somebody Ronald Somebody Who Was it? Who? We know you're not a crook We know you're not a crook All we wanna say is one more thing now: The gangster stepped right up, Kissed him on the lip good-bye Made him a cocksucker by proxy, yes he did, An' he didn't even bat an eye! The man in the White House -- oh! He's got a conscience -- oh! He's got a conscience as black as sin! There's just one thing I wanna know -How'd that asshole ever manage to get in? FZ: Here it comes, ladies and gentlemen, sing right along:

3. Zoot Allures FZ:OZ Frank Zappa Plays The Music Of Frank Zappa Zoot Allures Does Humor Belong In Music? The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Intro: Kosei Nenkin Kaikan, Osaka, Japan February 3, 1976 Guitar solo: Les Arenes, Cap D'agde, France May 30, 1982 musicians 1976: FZ guitar Napoleon Murphy Brock sax André Lewis keyboards Roy Estrada bass Terry Bozzio drums musicians 1982: FZ lead guitar Ray White rhythm guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

DICKIE'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE Sincerely, Dick, we mean it Wee-ooo 4. Society Pages ?: You missed your girl out there . . . Terry: Lemme tell ya . . . I love this man, I work for this man, but this show has like pushed me beyond the brink of what I can physically . . . Roy: WHOAAAH! Terry: Withstand. (Sigh) My hands are . . . I mean, look at these calluses! Jesus Christ! I've had a hard tour, I mean, Jesus, we had the, the, the fucking roadmanager committed suicide Adrian: Oh Terry! Terry: Then my girlfriend fell out the fuckin' window Adrian: Oh Terry! Terry: I mean, it's been hard, you know, and, and now man! I mean, shit, this fuckin' shit, I mean, we have to do two, two fuckin' shows, two nights in a row! You know what it's like to beat the shit out of the fuckin' drums, two shows . . . Adrian: Two nights in a row! Terry: . . . two nights in a row!? I MEAN I CAN'T FUCKIN' TAKE THAT KINDA SHIT! Adrian: HE CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! He can't take it anymore, look at his hands . . . Terry: My hands, hey, I feel like I've been pounding nails, I feel like I've been hittin' my goddamn hands with a hammer! 2. Hands With A Hammer (Terry Bozzio) FZ:OZ

You Are What You Is The Palladium, NYC October 31, 1981 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocals Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums You're the ol' lady from the society pages From a small town somewhere I used to be You owned the paper and a bunch of other stuff That didn't appeal to me OL' LADY, OL' LADY OL' LADY, OL' LADY OL' LADY, OL' LADY OL' LADY, OL' LADY

The hospital plans (yer brother drew 'em all) You ran the paper 'n the Charity Ball Every day on the third or fourth page There you was . . . you was quite the rage

No pain No pain 6. Beauty Knows No Pain

Somehow, you was all kinda cheap 'n wrong Just like in a lotta small towns Where folks like you Hang around too long And pass out jobs to yer relatives 'n such So you all keeps a lot, 'cept but nobody else Ever gets too much . . . to speak of . . . But so what? What can you say?

You Are What You Is The Palladium, NYC October 31, 1981 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocals Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

So long as the trash gets picked up So long as the trash gets locked up Just so the trash don't stack up Some day you won't be on page three Or page four anymore OL' LADY, OL' LADY OL' LADY, OL' LADY OL' LADY, OL' LADY OL' LADY, OL' LADY By the grace of God you had a son He's the one and only one He grew up and by and by He came to be a Beautiful Guy 5. I'm A Beautiful Guy You Are What You Is includes a quote from Johnny's Theme (Paul Anka) The Palladium, NYC October 31, 1981 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocals Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums I'm a beautiful guy And you have walked by I gave you the eye But you pretend to be shy But I'm a beautiful guy (You know what I mean? You know what I mean?) And so I wanna know why, why, why You make me cry, cry, cry 'Cause you wanna try, try, try Some stupid game on me They're drinking lighter They're full of water I hear them say: "Let's jog . . . " They're playing tennis Their butts are tighter What could be whiter? Hey? Your athletic approach has a lot of appeal The girl is responding to your little deal She's modern 'n empty 'n totally vain But beauty, of course, can feel no pain No pain

Beauty knows no pain So what you cryin' about Girl Beauty knows no pain So what you cryin' about Girl Beauty knows no Beauty knows no Beauty knows no Even if you're plain You could be tryin' it out Girl Even if you're plain You could be tryin' it out Girl Beauty is no Beauty is no Beauty is no Beauty is a bikini wax 'n waitin' for yer nails to dry Beauty is a colored pencil, scribbled all around your eye Beauty is a pair of shoes that makes you wanna die Beauty is a Beauty is a Beauty is a Lie But you don't care if it's a lie 'Cause you are such a beautiful guy (ARF!) Your head is north, and your feet is south And you save the rest for Charlie's mouth Your head is north And your feet is south And you save the rest for CHARLIE'S ENORMOUS MOUTH ENORMOUS MOUTH 7. Charlie's Enormous Mouth You Are What You Is The Palladium, NYC October 31, 1981 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocals

Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums Charlie's enormous mouth, well, it's awright The girl's got a very large mouth, but it's awright Her teeth look okay She must be brushin' 'em quite a bit 'Course her mouth is extra large 'N we can only assume as to how She's been usin' it Charlie's enormous mouth, well, it's awright The girl got a very large mouth, but it's awright She got lips all around the hole Where she puts her food in They call it THE MOUTH They call it THE MOUTH They call it THE MOUTH Which is as good a place as any for a tongue To include in, that's why They call it THE MOUTH They call it THE MOUTH They call it THE MOUTH La la la la la la la La la la la la la la (Kinda young Kinda wow . . . ) Charlie's enormous nose, well, it's all white The girl's got a very large nose but it's all white It once was okay But she's been blowin' it quite a bit 'Course her friends are extra large 'N we can only assume as to how She's been choosin' it Charlie's enormous nose, well, it's all white The girl's got a very large nose, but it's all white She got stuff all around the hole Where she puts her spoon in They call it THE NOSE They call it THE NOSE They call it THE NOSE And when it finally rots away I guess you'd Prob'ly drive a truck in . . . they used to Call it THE NOSE They called it THE NOSE They called it THE NOSE La la la la la la la La la la la la la la (Kinda young Kinda dead . . . ) Charlie's disgusting brain, well, it's all black The girl's got a very dead brain, it won't come back She used to convey But then she took an extra hit 'Course her friends are extra dumb 'N they were terribly excited while they Watched her doin' it Charlie's disgusting brain, well it's all black The girl got a very dead brain, it won't come back She's got dirt all around the hole Where they dumped her box in They call it THE GRAVE They call it THE GRAVE

They call it THE GRAVE Which is as good a place as any for a Chump to repose in . . . that's why they Call it THE GRAVE They call it THE GRAVE They call it THE GRAVE . . . 8. Cocaine Decisions The Man From Utopia 1st part: Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums 2nd part: Stadio Communale, Palermo, Sicily July 14, 1982 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocals Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums + Massimo Bassoli announcement translation Chop a line now . . . Cocaine decisions . . . You are a person with a snow job You got a fancy gotta-go job Where the cocaine decision that you make today Will mean that millions somewhere else Will do it your way Cocaine decisions . . . You are a person who is high class You are a person not in my class And the cocaine decision that you make today Will mean nothing later on When you get nose decay I don't wanna know 'Bout the things that you pull Outta your nose Or where they goes But if you are wasted From the stuff you're stickin' in it I get madder every day 'Cause what you do 'n what you say Affects my life in such a way I learn to hate it every minute! Aie-aie-aie-aiee! . . . cisions . . . You are a doctor or a lawyer You got an office with a foyer Where the cocaine decision that you make today

Will not be discovered till it's over 'n done By the customers you hold at bay Cocaine decisions . . . You are a movie business guy You have accountants who supply The necessary figures To determine when you fly To Acapulco Where all your friends go FZ: Massimo, come here! Yeah, bring the band on down behind me, boys Massimo: Ragazzi per favore, Zappa vorrebbe dirvi di stare calmi, di non gettare niente nello stadio e di non . . . Avere problemi con la polizia, cercate di stare calmi. Non sappiamo esattamente cosa sta succedendo, pero' cercate di mantenere la calma cosi' si puo' andare avanti con lo spettacolo . . . FZ: Now listen! We want to continue the concert, we want to keep playing music. Will you please be calm, sit down and relax so we can play music. Seduti, per favore! Guy #1: Ma che e'? Guy #2: Hanno rotto, hanno rotto sta porta qui, no? Hanno rotto sta porta qui perche' veniva in campo, allora siccome la polizia si e' . . . con la porta aperta non voleva entrasse tutta la gente. Capito? FZ: "Nig Biz."

Well, one day that contract will expire One day I will be free From that Nig (oh!) Oh, Nig-ig-ig (oh!) Nigger Biznis office Nigger Biznis office Representing me Nigger Biznis Nigger Biznis Oh, Nigger Biznis all the time, all along Well, Nigger Biznis has brought destruction Which is why you're hearin' this song 10. King Kong Lumpy Gravy Uncle Meat Ahead Of Their Time Make A Jazz Noise Here includes quotes from Shakin' All Over (Heath), Big Swifty, Yo Cats (FZ/Mariano), Uncle Meat, A Love Supreme (Coltrane), Midnight Sun (Hampton/Burke/Mercer) and the William Tell Overture (Rossini) Mystery word section: Parc Des Expositions, Metz, France June 22, 1982

9. Nig Biz includes a quote from The Tracks Of My Tears (Robinson/Moore/Tarplin) Stadio Communale, Palermo, Sicily July 14, 1982 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocals Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums I signed on the line For seven long years They said I'd be a big star They said I'd get a big car All the coke I could toot All the dope I could shoot All the smoke I could smoke But now I'm beat up 'n broke They said I oughta re-record "The Tracks Of My Tears" They said, "Hey! This is it! It's gonna be a big hit" With my name up in lights And some custom-made tights All the girls call my name (Massimo!) But it was all just a game Nigger Biznis Nigger Biznis Well, Nigger Biznis all the time Well, Nigger Biznis has brought disaster On top of this here heart of mine (Right now's the time to play the blues!)

percussion solo: Ed Mann Sax & 1st guitar solo: Rainbow Theater, London December 10, 1971 sax solo: Ian Underwood guitar solo: FZ Keyboard solo & 'I Want A Garden': Hammersmith Odeon, London June 19, 1982 keyboard solo: Tommy Mars Denny Walley's "You want kindergarden" ( from Don't Eat The Yellow Snow on You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1): Hammersmith Odeon, London February 17-19, 1979 2nd guitar solo: Palais des Sports, Dijon, France June 3, 1982 guitar solo: FZ musicians 1982: FZ lead guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocals Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums musicians 1971: FZ guitar/vocal Mark Volman vocal

Howard Kaylan vocal Jim Pons bass/vocal Don Preston keyboards/electronics Ian Underwood keyboards/alto sax Aynsley Dunbar drums AAAAH . . . (Oui!) AAAAAAH . . . Bidet! (Sport shirt) BLOOOW-JOB Jambon (Corn-hole!) (Sport shirt!) Bidet! (Corn . . . hole) Jambon BLOOOW-JOB (Corn-hole!) Bidet! (Sport shirt) Bidet! (Sport shirt, sport shirt, sport shirt, sport shirt) Bidet! OOO-AHH!! Bidet! Bidet, bidet, bidet, bidet, bidet, bidet, bidet, bidet, bi . . . (Corn-hole . . . corn-hole . . . ) (Sport shirt, sport shirt, sport shirt, sport shirt, sport shirt . . .) BLOW-JOB! BLOW-JOB! BLOW-JOB! Jambon, jambon, jambon, jambon . . .

I want a garden . . . Just like the garden That that asshole came up here on the stage And sang about, three years ago . . . He came up out of the audience, He said: "I want a garden! I want a garden! I wanna water it with my tears . . . " And then Denny Walley said: Denny: Oh, you want kindergarten! Hail CAESAR! 11. Cosmik Debris Apostrophe (') The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Paramount Theatre, Seattle, Washington December 17, 1984 and Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, Portland, Oregon December 20, 1984 and ending from: The Pier, NYC August 26, 1984 FZ lead guitar/vocals Ike Willis rhythm guitar/vocals Ray White rhythm guitar/vocals Bobby Martin keyboards/vocals Alan Zavod keyboards/volcano Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

(Couchon . . . ) Bidet! Bidet! (Sport shirt, sport shirt) Cooooorn-HOOOOLE! Ed: Thank you Oh thank you, you're really too kind Thank you, thank you so much Thank you, thank you Blow-job! FZ: Ed Mann, ladies and gentlemen! Oui! Avec oui, oui (Sport shirt) Now for the next part of our program, We'd like to present, ah . . . BLOW-JOB! Bidet! BLOW-JOB! Jambon! Corn-hole! Jambon! BLOW-JOB! Jambon . . . Bidet! . . . Blow-job . . . Bidet . . . I want a garden! I want a garden! I want a garden! (I WANT A NUN I WANT A NUN I WANT A BURRO IN THE FROSTY LIGHT) I want a garden! (I WANT A NUN)

The Mystery Man came over An' he said: "I'm outa-site!" He said, for a nominal service charge, I could reach nervonna t'nite If I was ready, willing 'n able To pay him his regular fee He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs And devote His Attention to me But I said . . . Look here brother, Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris? (Now what kind of a MASKED MAN are you anyway?) Look here brother, Don't you waste your time on me The Mystery Man got nervous An' he sorta fidget around a bit He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe An' he whipped out a shaving kit Now, I thought it was a razor An' a can of foamin' goo But he told me right then when the top popped open There was nothin' his box won't do With the oil of Hi-Yo, Silver An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo He said: "You might not believe this, Tonto But it'll fix up that war-paint for ya too!" An' I said . . . Look here brother, (Thank you, Masked Man, thank you!) Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris? (Ah! Masked Man's a fag!) Look here brother, Don't you waste your time on me

I've got troubles of my own, I said An' you can't help me out So take your meditations an' your preparations An' cram it up yer snout "BUT I GOT A SILVER BOL!," he said An' held it on up to his horse So I snatched it All away from him An' I showed him how to do it right, of course I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head So I'd look like I was Deep I said some Mumbo Jumbos then I told him he was goin' to sleep I robbed his rings An' his pocket watch An' everything else I found I had that sucker/swami hypnotized He couldn't even make a sound (Where'd you get those beautiful . . . ?)

I proceeded to tell him his future then As long as he was hanging around, I said "The price of pyjamas has just gone up An' that ol' swami have just gone down . . . " (Uh-oh!) Look here swami, Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris? (Now is that a real poncho or is that a Seattle poncho? Who can tell anymore?) Don't you know, You could make more money in syndication, So don't you waste your trap on me (Don't Sri Chin, don't Sri Chinmoy on me . . . ) Ohm shonty, ohm shonty, ohm NAVY-ohm FZ: Ray White, Chad Wackerman, Scott Thunes, Alan Zavod, Bobby Martin, Ike Willis. Thank you!

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the original albums Original transcription for new material from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage mainly by Hans Hendriks and Patrick Neve Further corrections and additions by Román, John W. Busher, John Florek, Bossk (R), Charles Ulrich, Stu Mark and Hal Charles

5

The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life (Zappa, April 1991) disc 2 disc 1 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14.

Heavy Duty Judy 6:04 Ring Of Fire (Kilgore/Carter) 2:00 Cosmik Debris 4:32 Find Her Finer 2:42 Who Needs The Peace Corps? 2:40 I Left My Heart In San Francisco (Cory/Cross) 0:36 Zomby Woof 5:41 Bolero (Ravel) 5:19 Zoot Allures 7:07 Mr. Green Genes 3:40 Florentine Pogen 7:11 Andy 5:51 Inca Roads 8:19 Sofa #1 2:49 All selections recorded live by the UMRK Mobile February-June, 1988 Produced by Frank Zappa engineering supervision by Bob Stone Cover Photo by Bruce Malone Design: Tracy Veal (New cover art by Cal Schenkel) Frank Zappa lead guitar, computer-synth, vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar, synth, vocal Mike Keneally rhythm guitar, synth, vocal Bobby Martin keyboards, vocal Ed Mann vibes, marimba, electronic percussion Walt Fowler trumpet, flugel horn, synth Bruce Fowler trombone Paul Carman alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax Albert Wing tenor sax Kurt McGettrick baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet Scott Thunes electric bass, Minimoog Chad Wackerman drums, electronic percussion And the sampled voice of Senator Hawkins

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14.

Purple Haze (Hendrix) 2:27 Sunshine Of Your Love (Brown/Bruce/Clapton) 2:30 Let's Move To Cleveland 5:51 When Irish Eyes Are Smiling (Ball/Graff/Olcott) 0:46 "Godfather Part II" Theme (Rota) 0:30 A Few Moments With Brother A. West (West/FZ) 4:01 The Torture Never Stops Part One 5:20 Theme From "Bonanza" (Evans/Livingstone) 0:28 Lonesome Cowboy Burt (Swaggart Version) 4:54 The Torture Never Stops Part Two 10:47 More Trouble Every Day (Swaggart Version) 5:28 Penguin In Bondage (Swaggart Version) 5:05 The Eric Dolphy Memorial Barbecue 9:18 Stairway To Heaven (Page/Plant) 9:20

disc 1 1. Heavy Duty Judy Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar includes a quote from Ring Of Fire (Kilgore/Carter) Carl-Diem-Halle, Würzburg, Germany April 22, 1988 & The Ahoy, Rotterdam, Netherlands May 3, 1988 FZ: Hello! Boy, got y'all JAMMED in here, don't dey? What's that say? "Thanks for coming, what's the secret word for tonight? Your buddies Dirk, Tom and Tommy." Okay . . . Alright, guys, you're looking for another secret word? The secret word for tonight is RING OF FIRE! Let me try 'n explain this to you, folks: This afternoon at the hotel I was introduced for the first time to Johnny Cash, and Johnny was going to come to the concert tonight, and he was going to sing with us. Unfortunately his wife got sick so he can't come tonight, BUT . . . this afternoon we actually learned how to play a reggae version of "Ring Of Fire," and we've been trying to decide whether or not we oughta play it even if Johnny's not gonna sing it. Now, maybe you can help us decide. How many people would like to hear "Ring Of Fire" if Johnny is not going to sing it? How many people DON'T want to hear "Ring Of Fire"? I think most people want to hear "Ring Of Fire." Okay, here it comes, folks . . . 2. Ring Of Fire (Merle Kilgore & June Carter) Carl-Diem-Halle, Würzburg, Germany April 22, 1988 Love is a burning thing (That's right) And it leaves a firey ring (There's a firey ring) I was captured by pure desire (That's right) I fell into a ring of fire (Ow! Ow! Ow!) I fell into a burning ring of fire I fell down down down And those flames lit the pyre And it burns burns burns That ring of fire That ring of fire ("It's hot") Love ("It's hot") Is a burning thing (That's right, it's the same verse again) And it leaves a firey ring (It's one way of learning English) (Senator Hawkins: Pyromania) I was captured by pure desire (Pure desire) I fell into that burning ring of fire (Ow! Ow! Ow!) I fell into that burning ring of fire (Johnny'll never know what he missed) I fell down down down And those flames lit the pyre And it burns burns burns That ring of fire That ring of fire

That ring of fire That ring of fire That ring of fire 3. Cosmik Debris Apostrophe (') You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Carl-Diem-Halle, Würzburg, Germany April 22, 1988 The Mystery Man came over An' he said: "I'm outa-site!" He said, for a nominal service charge, I could reach nervonna t'nite If I was ready, willing 'n able To pay him his regular fee He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs And devote His Attention to me But I said . . . Look here brother, Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris? (Now who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris, anyhow?) Look here brother, Don't you waste your time on me The Mystery Man got nervous An' he fidget around a bit He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe An' he whipped out a shaving kit Now, I thought it was a razor An' a can of foamin' goo But he told me right then when the top popped open There was nothin' his box won't do With the oil of Hi-Yo, Silver An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo He said: "You might not believe this, little fella, but it'll cure that RING OF FIRE for you too!" An' I said, hey! Look here brother, Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris? (Now what kind of a geroo are you anyway?) Look here brother, Don't you waste your time on me I've got troubles of my own, I said An' you can't help me out So take your meditations an' your preparations An' cram it up yer snout "BUT I GOT A RING OF FIRE!," he said An', an' held it on up to the light So I snatched it All away from him ("It's hot") An' then told him how 'da wipe it right I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head So I'd look like I was Deep I said some Mumbo Jumbos then I told him he was goin' to sleep I robbed his rings An' his pocket watch An' everything else I found I had that sucker hypnotized He couldn't even make a sound I proceeded to tell him his future then As long as he was hanging around, I said "The price of meat have just gone up An' yo' RING OF FIRE have just gone down . . . " Look here Johnny, Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris? (Now exactly what kind of a RING OF FIRE are we talking about

here tonight?) Don't you know, You could get better results with Anusol, So don't you waste your time on me (Don't Sri Chin, don't Sri Chinmoy on me . . . ) Oh Annie, oh Annie, oh An-yoo-SOL!

What's there to live for? Who needs the peace corps? Think I'll just DROP OUT I'll go to Frisco Buy a wig & sleep On Owsley's floor

4. Find Her Finer

Walked past the wig store Danced at the Fillmore I'm completely stoned I'm hippy & I'm trippy I'm a gypsy on my own I'll stay a week & get the crabs & Take a bus back home I'm really just a phony But forgive me 'Cause I'm stoned

FZ:OZ Zoot Allures Rudi-Sedlmeyer Sporthalle, Munich, Germany May 9, 1988 Find her finer, sneak up behind her Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her Find her blinder, see who designed her Act like a dummy till you finally grind her If you should see a girl on the street Now maybe you might think she is sweet But if you want a piece of the meat Now really, what should you do? (Rat-tat-tat-tat ta-da!) Don't never let her know you are smart The universe is nowhere to start You gotta play it straight from the heart Or she'll go doody on you (That's why you gotta . . . ) Find her finer, sneak up behind her Wrapped like a Mud Shark till you finally unwind her Find her blinder, see who designed her Act like a dummy till you finally grind her Now maybe you might think I am rude And maybe you might think that Mud Shark is crude And maybe this approach I have spewed Is not the one for you (Rat-tat-tat-tat ta-da!) But believe me later on you'll gonna find As you impress her with your mind That you would just be left behind For a wiser fool (So you might as well) Find her finer, sneak up behind her Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her Find her blinder, see who designed her Act like a dummy till you finally grind her Find her finer, sneak up behind her Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her Find her blinder, see who designed her Act like a dummy till you finally grind her 5. Who Needs The Peace Corps? We're Only In It For The Money Carl-Diem-Halle, Würzburg, Germany April 22, 1988 Except first seconds from: Rudi-Sedlmeyer Sporthalle, Munich, Germany May 9, 1988

Every town must have a place Where phony hippies meet (They do!) Psychedelic dungeons Popping up on every street GO TO SAN FRANCISCO . . . How I love ya, How I love ya How I love ya, How I love ya Frisco! How I love ya, How I love ya How I love ya, How I love ya Oh, my hair is getting good in the back! Every town must have a place Where phony hippies meet (They do!) Psychedelic dungeons Popping up on every street GO TO SAN FRANCISCO . . . (Oh, jump, Johnny!) Gotcha . . . First I'll buy some beads And then perhaps a leather band To go around my head Some feathers and bells And a book of Indian lore I will ask the Chamber Of Commerce How to get to Haight Street And smoke an awful lot of dope I will wander around barefoot You know I'll have a psychedelic gleam in my eye at all times I will love everyone I will love the police as they kick the shit out of me on the street (Freeze, hippy!) I will sleep . . . (yes?) I will go to a house That's, that's what I will do I will go to a house Where there's a rock & roll band Because the groups all live together (HEEEERE'S JOHNNY!) Ha ha ha ha, I will stay, I will join rock & roll And I'll be the road manager And I'll stay there with them And I will get the crabs But I won't care Because . . . 6. I Left My Heart In San Francisco (George C. Cory, Jr. & Douglas Cross) Carl-Diem-Halle, Würzburg, Germany April 22, 1988

I left my heart Way down in San Francisco

Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF

FZ: One more time for our men in uniform

Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF

Moo moo moo moo (Moo-moo moo-moo-moo Me mee-nee mee-nee moo-moo)

8. Bolero (Maurice Ravel)

Later that night . . .

includes a quote from My Sharona (Fieger/Averre)

7. Zomby Woof

The Ahoy, Rotterdam, Netherlands May 3, 1988

Over-Nite Sensation You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Rudi-Sedlmeyer Sporthalle, Munich, Germany May 9, 1988 & Memorial Hall, Allentown, Pennsylvania March 19, 1988 Three hundred years ago (ay!) I thought I might get some sleep (ay!) I stretched myself out onna antique bed An' my spirit did a midnite creep

9. Zoot Allures FZ:OZ Frank Zappa Plays The Music Of Frank Zappa Zoot Allures You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Does Humor Belong In Music? Brighton Centre, Brighton, UK April 16, 1988

You know I'll never sleep no more It seem to me that it just ain't wise

10. Mr. Green Genes

Didja ever wake up in the mornin' With a ZOMBY WOOF behind your eyes

Uncle Meat Hot Rats

I am the ZOMBY WOOF I'm that creature all the ladies been Talkin' about

Hall Tivoli, Strasbourg, France May 23, 1988

I am the ZOMBY WOOF They all seek for shelter when I come chargin' out Tellin' you all the Zomby troof Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF Tellin' you all the Zomby troof Here I'm is . . . Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF They said aw-reety An' they was aw-righty An' I was a Zomby for you, little lady . . . I got a great big pointed fang Which is my Zomby Toof My right foot's bigger than my other one is Like a reg'lar Buxton Hoof If I raid your dormitorium Don't try to remain aloof . . . I might snatch you up screamin' through the window all nekkid An' do it to you up on the roof, don't mess with the ZOMBY WOOF I am about as evil as a Boogie Man can be!

Eat your greens Don't forget your beans & celery Don't forget to bring Your fake I.D. Eat a bunch of these MAGNIFICENT With sauerkraut MMMMMMMMMMM Sauerkraut Eat a grape, a fig A crumpet too . . . You'll pump 'em right through Doo-wee-ooo Eat your shoes Don't forget the strings And sox Even eat the box Your bought 'em in Even eat the truck That brought 'em in Garbage truck MMMMMMMMMMMMouldy Garbage truck Eat the truck & driver And his gloves NUTRITIOUSNESS DELICIOUSNESS WORTHLESSNESS One more soup for the world now!

(Isn't it romantic?) 11. Florentine Pogen One Size Fits All You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 includes a quote from Louie Louie (Richard Berry) Hall Tivoli, Strasbourg, France May 23, 1988 Except guitar solo from: Palasport, Florence, Italy June 6, 1988 Ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh oh-oh Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah Sow-oup Sow-oo-oup La-la la-la la-la la-la Lo-la lo-la lo-la She was the daughter of a wealthy Florentine Pogen (Sou-oup) Read 'em 'n weep Was here adjustable slogan She was a debutante daisy With a color-note organ Deep in the street She drove a '59 Morgan WOO-LAH! That's the kinda step she takes When her hot breaks hot brakes That's the kinda sound she makes (ooh, let go uh me) When her crab cakes (Arf arf arf) She didn't like it when her fan belt Shrunk & got shorter (Ointment) Battery leaks could nearly cost her a quarter She didn't want to go home An' watch the pestle go mortar Later she speaks On how Perellis might court her Na-na-na, na-na-hoo Na-na-na, na-na-hoo Na-na-na, na-na-soup Na-na-na, na-na-soup She was the daughter Ah-ah-ahhh Of a wealthy Florentine Pogen Po-oh-wo-oh-oh Po-oh-wo-oh-oh Po-oh-wo-oh-oh Ga-ya-ee-annnn Read 'em 'n weep (Take a booger home with you to)

Read 'em 'n weep (Take a booger home with you to) Read 'em 'n weep Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-HAH Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-HAH Chester's go-rilla She go oink Chester's go-rilla She go quack Chester's go-rilla She go moo Chester's go-rilla She go Hratche-plche Hratche-plche 12. Andy One Size Fits All Guitar solo from: Stadthalle, Fuerth, Germany May 26, 1988 The rest: Unknown date and location Is there anything good inside of you If there is, I really wanna know Is there anything Good inside of you If there is I really wanna Know Is there anything Good inside of you If there is I really wanna Know Is there? Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you If there is, I really wanna know-woh-oh-oh-oh -Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you If there is, I really wanna know, really wanna know . . . Something Anything Something Anything Show me a sign If you don't mind Show me a sign If you don't mind Show me a sign If you don't mind Show me a sign If you don't mind Do you know what I'm really telling you Is it something that you can understand Do you know what I'm really telling you Is it something that you can understand Do you know what I'm really telling you Is it something that you can understand Do you know what I'm really telling you Is it something that you can understand

Andy de vine (de vine) Had a thong rind (rind) It was sublime (sublime) But the wrong kind Andy de vine (de vine) Had a thong rind (rind) It was sublime (sublime) But the wrong kind Have I aligned With a blown mind Wasted my time On a drawn blind Have I aligned With a blown mind Wasted my time On a drawn blind Oh Andy . . . Andy Andy, Andy A thong rind It was sublime, now y'all The wrong kind, yeah-hah-hah-hah! Big line!

To leave a space For such a thing to land Did a vehicle Come from somewhere out there Did a vehicle come Come from somewhere out there Did the Indians, first on the bill Carve up the hill Guacamole Queen Guacamole Queen Guacamole Queen Her Fire (Thank you! Ha ha ha ha!) On Bruce On Bruce That's Bruce 14. Sofa #1 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 One Size Fits All Zappa In New York You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1

Andy, Andy, Andy . . .

Beethovensaal, Liederhalle, Stuttgart, Germany May 24, 1988

13. Inca Roads The Lost Episodes One Size Fits All You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 disc 2 includes quotes from Approximate and Stayin' Alive (Gibb/Gibb/Gibb) Guitar solo: Stadthalle, Vienna, Austria May 8, 1988 Sax solo and ending: Carl-Diem-Halle, Würzburg, Germany April 22, 1988 The rest: Unknown date and location Did a vehicle Come from somewhere out there Just to land in the Andes? Was it round And did it have A motor Or was it Something Different Stayin' Alive Ah ah ah ah Mother Mary and Jozuf! Did a vehicle Did a vehicle Did a vehicle Fly along the mountains And find a place to park itself Park it Se-e-e-elf (PARK IT . . . PARK IT) Or did someone Build a place

1. Purple Haze (Jimi Hendrix) Soundcheck Sporthalle, Linz, Austria May 28, 1988 Purple haze All in my brain Well lately things they just doesn't seem the same Oh I actin' funny And I doesn't know why Excuse me While I kiss this guy Purple haze All around Don't know if I goin' up or down Am I happy or in misery Whatever is this doll Put a spell on me Hit me Smash me Listen here! Purple haze All in my eyes Don't know If it's day or night You got me goin' And you blew my mind Tomorrow Or just the end of time 2. Sunshine Of Your Love

(Peter Brown, Jack Bruce & Eric Clapton) Soundcheck Sporthalle, Linz, Austria May 28, 1988 Isaac Hayes Gabby Hayes, well . . . Willie Mays Helen Hayes Speakin' of Helen . . . Well it's gettin' near dark When the lights be closin' your tired little eyes I'll soon be with you, my love And give you that potato-headed surprise Stay with you darlin' Soon I'll stay with you till all o' 'em stars start to fallin' And fallin' Ah! I've been waiting so long (Ayyy! A-ha!) Oh to be where I'm goin' (Arriba! Arriba! Ay!) In the sunshine of your love You hold down just a second, there You leather-faced metal freak And you potato-headed watchamacallit! (You talkin' to us now, son?) Yeah, you bet I'm talkin' to you I got something to say right here (Ain't you the man in black?) (SUCKER!) Just get yourself ready It's getting near dark The light's shinin' through on you . . . I'll soon be with you, my love (Whom love?) It's the morning and just we two I'll be with you darling soon I'll be with ya when the sea's all dried up! (The seas?) The seas (You're talkin' dried up?) I'll seize ya, buddy . . . Oh! Wait a minute here! You shitkicker! I said I been waiting so long To be where I'm going (Andale! Andale! Anda!) In the sunshine of your love! 3. Let's Move To Cleveland FZ:OZ Does Humor Belong In Music? You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 1st part: Palasport, Modena, Italy June 5, 1988 2nd part: Le Zenith, Montpellier, France May 18, 1988

4. When Irish Eyes Are Smiling (Ernest Ball, George Graff & Chancey Olcott) includes quotes from Godfather Part II Theme (Rota) and Louie Louie (Richard Berry) Broome County Arena, Binghamton, NY March 17, 1988 Happy Saint Pattie's day, now! Ha ha ha . . . [...], now 5. "Godfather Part II" Theme (Nino Rota) Broome County Arena, Binghamton, NY March 17, 1988

6. A Few Moments With Brother A. West (Brother A. West & FZ) guest vocalist: Brother A. West Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA February 14, 1988 Thank you very much, Mr. Zappa. Ah, I'm very pleased to be here on behalf of the Administration-- the most powerful government in the world. And, uh, Mr. Fitzwater invited me to come here tonight to create some balance, because there has been some things done by Mr. Zappa that I think are unfair to our country. I think, from the beginning, to say that this is going to be balanced, when he has this lingerie up here, and makin' fun of children's toys, as a beginning, if this is what he has in mind, I think he's wrong. It's people like Mr. Frank Zappa that kept the Senate from being able to send ARMS to the DEMOCRATIC FREEDOM FIGHTERS IN NICARAGUA! And I, for one, am headin' down there myself, as soon as I finish up here tonight. And I want the elected official, Mr. Charlie Sanders the Democrat, to remember that "Democrat" begins with a "D," just like DEMON! And we'll remember you, friend, when it comes votin' time. And Margaret Boyd and Carmen Bellacord, despite his former habit, did some help to back some things up. Friends, these forms cost money. And this money could be going towards a more powerful military; this money could be going towards driving out the illegal aliens. And instead, Mr. Zappa wants to have a bunch of young, uninformed 18 to 21-year-olds votin' here, and spendin' your money. And I just want you to know that tonight, I love him anyway. Because I've got love in my heart, and I'm not afraid of the fact that he's turned this into some kind of zoo up here. Sunday --that's not fair, Mr. Zappa-- Sunday night used to be a night in which Americans would get together. They'd go to their place of worship, and they would share. And I don't know why, on this night which is supposed to be Valentine's night, there aren't more people that have a heart that have a love affair with America. But instead, they're here on Sunday night, worshipping this man who's demonpossessed!

I ask you, Mr. Frank Zappa, what kind of man can name a child Moon Unit? What kind of man can name a child Weasel? What kind of man can name a child Omen? To me, it defies the logic. And I'm comin' here tonight because I want to share with him, just the same way we're going to give spirit power to the democratic freedom fighters down there, our brothers that wanna have the fReedom to be able to have a man like Pat Robertson, to have a man like Mr. Dole, restore America! And I'm gonna ask the power and the joy of the power of the living king of kings. And a lot of you here, you smut-minded, musical people say, "King of kings, that must be Elvis." Now, I'm gonna ask for the power, I'm gonna ask for the glory. I'm gonna now, I'm gonna tell you a story. I'm gonna drive out the demons, friends. I'm gonna ask you help this badness end. Come on Frank, let's have a story. Come on there 'n share the glory. Do you feel the power? Come on, put out the negativity . . . 7. The Torture Never Stops Part One You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 FZ:OZ Zoot Allures Zappa In New York You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Thing-Fish The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life includes quotes from Hall Of The Mountain King (Grieg), Chattanooga Choo Choo (Gordon/Warren), I Love Lucy (Daniel/Adamson), My Three Sons (DeVol), Mission: Impossible (Schifrin) and Addams Family (Mizzy) Wembley Arena, London, UK April 19, 1988 & Carl-Diem-Halle, Würzburg, Germany April 22, 1988 Except beginning from: Unknown location Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair Prisoners grumble and piss their clothes and scratch their matted hair A tiny little light from a window hole a hundred yards away Is all they ever get to know about the regular life in the day; An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin' 'N weepin' greenish drops In the room where the giant fire puffer works 'N the torture never stops The torture never stops The torture The torture The torture never stops. Slime 'n rot 'n rats 'n snot 'n vomit on the floor Fifty ugly lookin' soldiers, man, holdin' spears by the iron door Knives 'n spikes 'n guns 'n the likes of every tool of pain An' a sinister little midget with a bucket an' a mop A sinister little midget with a bucket an' a mop A sinister little midget with a bucket an' a mop Where the blood goes down the drain; An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin' 'N weepin' greenish drops In the room where the giant fire puffer works 'N the torture never stops The torture never stops The torture

The torture The torture never stops. Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair An evil prince eats a steamin' pig in a chamber right near there He eats the snouts 'n the trotters first The loin's 'n groin's are soon dispersed His carvin' style is well rehearsed He stands and shouts All men be cursed All men be . . . All men be . . . All men be . . . All men be cursed Uh-oh! And disagree, (yeah, disagree) Well no-one durst (yeah, no-one dare) He's the best of course of all the worst (He's the best of course of all the worst!) Some wrong a-been a-done . . . Work out, Bob (Err . . . ) Wanna buy some cave paintings, Bob? Some wrong a-been a-done, (some wrong) He done it first (Some wrong been done, he done it . . . ) An' he stinks so bad, his bones been chokin' 'N weepin' greenish drops, In the night of the iron sausage, Where the torture never stops The torture never stops The torture The torture The torture never stops. 8. Theme From "Bonanza" (Ray Evans & Jay Livingstone) Wembley Arena, London, UK April 19, 1988 FZ: And speaking of torture, how about this ugly sonofabitch? 9. Lonesome Cowboy Burt (Swaggart Version) 200 Motels You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 includes quotes from Entry Of The Gladiators (Fucik), O Superman (Anderson) and Sharkey's Day (Anderson) Syria Mosque, Pittsburgh February 25, 1988 My name is Swaggart I am an asshole All my friends, They call me 'Jim' (Hi, Jim!) I'm from Louisianna, I make lots of money, But I fucked up And commited a sin

Come out here to Californy, Just to find me Some pretty girls (No shit!) The ones I seen Gets me so horny; Ruby lips, 'N teeth like pearls! Wanna love 'em all! In the name of Jesus! Wanna pretty girl-I'll even pay! I'll buy 'em furs! I'll buy 'em jewelry! I'll never fuck them; Here's what I say: I'm lonesome Cowboy Jim! (Speakin' atcha!) I only give 'em the tips of him! (Posin' atcha!) My cowboy pants, My cowboy dance, My bold advance, On this here prostitute . . . Yodel-oh-oo-pee-hey Yodel-oh-oo-pee! (He's lonesome Cowboy Jim Look at the tip of him!) Come on in this place, 'N I'll buy you a taste, You can sit on my face-Where's my prostitute/waitress? Swaggart, Swaggart redneck (thank you!) Swaggart, Swaggart redneck (yessir!)

Puff up An' turn red Along with my neck (Say, varmint!) I drool On my shirt Takes a little while before I squirt But I've been doin' it for twenty years and they haven't caught me yet UH-OH! Made a mistake this time! Now I've sinned Everybody! (What an asshole!) Made a mistake and I've sinned, uh! Made a mistake and I've sinned, ow! Made a mistake and I've sinned, what? Made a mistake and I've sinned Lonesome Cowboy Jim! (Sinnin' atcha!) Come smell this fringe-y shirt! (Grinnin' atcha!) My cowboy pants, My cowboy dance, My bold advance, On this here prostitute . . . Yodel-oh-oo-pee-yeh Yodel-oh-oo-pee! (HE'S LONESOME COWBOY JIM/SCOTT, BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO Don't you dare to laugh at him/swat) (Oh, tune me in now) Come on in this place, An' I'll buy you a taste, 'N you can sit on my face-Where's my prostitute? OPAL, YOU HOT LITTLE BITCH! 10. The Torture Never Stops Part Two

I'm an awful nice guy! (so you say) I sweat all day in the sun! (oh yeah, yeah) I'm a preacher by trade, Quite a bundle like me, And I'm a feature ol' mumble-mumble Son-of-a-gun! (He's a unionized roofin' old Son-of-a-gun!) Fill in the blank! When I get off, I get, When I get off, I get, When . . . I, I, I, I, And then, Sharkey says: When I get off (pfft!) I get sinful (Just the tip! Only the tip now, come on) I spoo Till I goo On the rug Then I find me Some eighteen ninety-five Luiann--, Louisianna style prostitute And make her do pornographic sex while I watch And I have So much fun Jesus! Jesus! Jay-zus! Jay-zus! (Pornographic stuff and he has so much fun) (What?) I huff And I puff (Hratche-plche Hratche-plche) And I pump up my sanctified erection Till my cheeks

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 FZ:OZ Zoot Allures Zappa In New York You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Thing-Fish The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life includes a quote O Superman (Anderson) Rothman Center, Teaneck, New Jersey March 20, 1988 Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair Who are all those people that he's locked away down there Are they crazy?, Are they sainted? Are they zeros someone painted?, It's never been explained since at first it was created But a dungeon just like a sin Requires naught but lockin' in Of everything that's ever been Look at her Look at him That's what's the deal we're dealing in That's what's the deal we're dealing in That's what's the deal we're dealing in That's what's the deal we're dealing in 11. More Trouble Every Day (Swaggart Version)

Freak Out! You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol. 5 Roxy & Elsewhere Does Humor Belong In Music? Mid Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, NY February 23, 1988

Rennenhenninnahenninnenninahennn Way over on the wet side Of the bed Just like the mighty Penguin Flappin' her eight ounce wings (The Swaggart Flap)

Well I'm about to get sick From watchin' my TV Been checkin' out the HO HO HO! Until my eyeballs fail to see (Oh, my God, it's Tipper!) I mean to say that every day Is just another Voodoo Fudge (Oh, my God . . . ) And when it's gonna change, my friend You fill in the blank right here Well I'm Watchin' and I'm a--waitin' Hopin' for the best Even think I'll go to prayin' Every time I hear 'em sayin' (I know they're fresh!) (I don't know . . . ) There's no way to delay Those panties comin' every day No way to delay Those panties comin' every day

Don't you know it's all over If she come atcha on the strut & wrap 'em all around yer head Flappin' her eight ounce wings, flappinumm

Wednesday I watched Jimmy Swaggart Watched him weepin' all over the place An' I watched him weepin' an' weepin' an' weepin' And that shit rollin' down his face (Oh . . . I sinned!) An' then I watched him weep some more An' he kept on weepin' again (Oh, forgive me, Assembly O' God!) And they smacked him on his little hand And he went out makin' more money UH-OH! I'm watchin' and I'm waitin' Hopin' for the best Even think I'll go to prayin' (Jay-zus!) Every time I hear 'em sayin' (I have seen the path!) There's no way to delay That trouble comin' every day No way to delay That trouble comin' every day

Little Penguin A dirty little bird

Forgive me! Oh, Jesus, I just stuck the tip in! Oh my God! I'm watchin' and I'm waitin' Hopin' for the best Even think I'll go to prayin' Every time I hear 'em sayin', oh, yeah . . . (oh, no . . . ) 12. Penguin In Bondage (Swaggart Version) Roxy & Elsewhere Does Humor Belong In Music? includes a quote from Jingle Bells (Pierpont) Mid Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, NY February 23, 1988

(Jim!) She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy Shake up the pale-dry Ginger ale Tremblin' like a Penguin When the battery fail Lord, you must be havin' her jumpin' through a hoopa real fire With some Kleenex wrapped around a coat-hang wire (Fire!)

(What?) She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . . Rennenhenninnahenninneninahenn Howlin' over to some Antarcticulated moon In the frostbite nite With her flaps gone white Shriekin' as she spot the hoop across the room (There it goes again . . . it's that hoop) You know it must be a Penguin bound down When you hear that terrible weepin' and there ain't no other Evangelist around (Jim!) She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . . She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . . Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim Aw, you must be careful Not to leave those straps TOO LOOSE 'Cause she just might turn you in 'Cause she just might turn you in (Yessir!) An' leave you sort of a dried-up, wizened little ministry . . . BOW WOW RAW! 13. The Eric Dolphy Memorial Barbecue

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . .

Weasels Ripped My Flesh

includes a quote from Blue Danube (Strauss) 1st part: Royal Oak Music Theatre, Detroit, Michigan February 28, 1988 Body: Landmark Theater, Syracuse, NY March 21, 1988 Last part: Stadthalle, Vienna, Austria May 8, 1988 "It's hot" "It's" "It's" "I mean that" "I . . . I . . . I . . . " "I . . . " "I . . . I . . . "

Oooh makes me wonder Oh-ooooh makes me wonder There's a feeling I get When I look to the west And my spirit is crying for leaving In my thoughts I have seen Rings of smoke through the trees And the voices of those who stand looking And oooh makes me wonder And oh-ooooh makes me wonder And it's whispered that soon If we all call the tune Then the piper will lead us to reason And a new day will dawn For those who stand long And the forests will echo with laughter Yes it makes me wonder And owowowow, no

"It's hot" "It's . . . It's" "It's hot" "It's" "It's" "I mean that" "I . . . I . . . I me . . . " "I mean that" 14. Stairway To Heaven (Jimmy Page & Robert Plant) includes quotes from the Calabrian Tarantella (trad.), Teddy Bears' Picnic (Bratton/Kennedy), Dance Of The Cuckoos (Hatley) and The Untouchables (Riddle) 1st part: Stadthalle, Vienna, Austria May 8, 1988 Middle part: Palasport, Florence, Italy June 6, 1988 Ending: Wembley Arena, London, UK April 18, 1988 There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold And she's buying a Stairway to Heaven When she gets there she knows If the stores are all closed With a word she can get what she came for Ooo-oooh And she's buying a Stairway to Heaven

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow Don't be alarmed now It's just a spring clean for the May-queen Yes there are two paths you can go by But in the long run There's still time to change the road you're on On and on Said ooooh makes me wonder And oh-oh-oh-ooooh makes me wonder Your head is humming and it won't go In case you don't know The piper's calling you to join him Dear lady can you hear the wind blow And did you know Your stairway lies on the whispering wind Say! Say! Mother, Mary & Yozuf! And as we wind on down the road Our shadows taller than our soul There walks a lady we all know Who shines white light and wants to know How everything still turns to gold And if you listen very hard The news will come to you at last When all are one and one is all To be a rock and not to roll And she's buying a Stairway to Heaven

There's a sign on the wall But she wants to be sure Cause you know sometimes words have Two meanings In a tree by the brook There's a songbird who sings Sometimes all of our thoughts are misleading

FZ: Ike Willis, Mike Keneally, Walt Fowler, Bruce Fowler, Paul Carman, Albert Wing, Kurt McGettrick, Chad Wackerman, Ed Mann, Robert Martin, Scott Thunes. Thanks for coming to the show. Good night, Robert!

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the original albums Original transcription for new material by Román

except "A Few Moments With Brother A. West" from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Corrections and additions by Thayer A. Coburn, Donald Baillie, John W. Busher, Mauro Floddo, Abe Scott, John Seman, David van Gelder, Charles Ulrich and Stu Mark

Make A Jazz Noise Here (Zappa, June 1991) disc 2 disc 1 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13.

Stinkfoot 7:39 When Yuppies Go To Hell 13:28 Fire And Chains 5:04 Let's Make The Water Turn Black 1:36 Harry, You're A Beast 0:47 The Orange County Lumber Truck 0:41 Oh No 4:43 Theme From Lumpy Gravy 1:11 Eat That Question 1:54 Black Napkins 6:56 Big Swifty 11:12 King Kong 13:04 Star Wars Won't Work 3:40

The Black Page (new age version) 6:45 T'Mershi Duween 1:42 Dupree's Paradise 8:34 City Of Tiny Lights 8:01 Royal March From "L'Histoire Du Soldat" (Stravinsky) 0:59 Theme From The Bartok Piano Concerto #3 (Bartók) 6. 0:43 Sinister Footwear 2nd mvt. 6:39 7. Stevie's Spanking 4:25 8. 9. Alien Orifice 4:15 10. Cruisin' For Burgers 8:27 11. Advance Romance 7:43 12. Strictly Genteel 6:36

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

All selections recorded live by the UMRK Mobile February-June, 1988 Produced by Frank Zappa engineering supervision by Bob Stone Original cover art by Larry Grossman/Art Attack Package design by F Ron Miller Frank Zappa lead guitar, synth, vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar, synth, vocal Mike Keneally rhythm guitar, synth, vocal Bobby Martin keyboards, vocal Ed Mann vibes, marimba, electronic percussion Walt Fowler trumpet, flugel horn, synth Bruce Fowler trombone Paul Carman alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax Albert Wing tenor sax Kurt McGettrick baritone sax, contrabass clarinet Scott Thunes electric bass, Minimoog Chad Wackerman drums, electronic percussion And the sampled voices of Senator Hawkins, Senator Hollings and Johnny Guitar Watson

disc 1 1. Stinkfoot Apostrophe (') You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 FZ:OZ Halloween includes a lick from Dickie's Such An Asshole 1st part: Orpheum Theater, Boston February 20, 1988 2nd part: Mid Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, NY February 23, 1988 Last part: The Ahoy, Rotterdam, Netherlands May 4, 1988 FZ: Okay, thank you, thank you, thank you! Alright, alright, alright! Sit down, sit down, sit down! Okay. Alright, let's get down to business, just wanna let you know, in case you-- you'd be blind not to notice this, but we are registering people to vote here. Think we did four hundred last night, and hope to exceed that this evening. But meanwhile, did everybody hear the great news today? Jimmy Swaggart under investigation! . . . Oh, Jay-ZUS! One day every one of those cock-suckers'll get caught! Now I understand in the case of Mr. Swaggart that he claims that it was not multiple encounters with many prostitutes. Apparently only one sweet young thing, and he did tell Cal Thomas of the Moral Majority that the sex act itself was not fully consummated. However he did admit to doing something pornographic with the girl. Let's use our imaginations, ladies and gentlemen . . . In the dark Where all the fevers grow Under the water Where the shark bubbles blow In the mornin' By yer radio Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya You ain't got no friends . . . An' all the others: they hate ya Does the life you've been leadin' gotta go? Well, lemme straighten you out About a place I know . . . (Now, get yer shoes 'n socks on people, Because it's right aroun' the corner!) You go out through the night An' the whispering breezes To the place where they keep The Imaginary Diseases, Out through the night An' the whispering breezes To the place where they keep The Imaginary Diseases Now scientists call this miserable little disease Podobromidrosis And well, they should! But us regular folks Who might wear a tennis shoe Or an occasional python boot Know this exquisite little inconvenience By the name of: STINK FOOT That's right! Y'know, my python boot was too tight Couldn't get it off last night Week went by, now it's July I finally got it off An' my girl-friend cry

"You've got STINK FOOT! STINK FOOT, darlin' Your STINKIN' FOOT puts the hurts on my nose! STINK FOOT! STINK FOOT! I ain't lyin', Can you rinse it off, do you suppose?" Well . . . Here Fido . . . Here Fido . . . Bring the slippers, little puppy . . . Yes, that's a good dog Bring them over to Jimmy Swaggart, that's right He'll do anything for a good time . . . Sick! FZ: Well . . . Ike Willis, ladies and gentlemen . . . Mike Keneally . . . Walt Fowler . . . Bruce Fowler . . . Paul Carman . . . Albert Wing . . . Kurt McGettrick . . . Chad Wackerman . . . Now this is a special case, ladies and gentlemen, get that spot light over here, this is Ed Mann. Now, Ed had a tragic experience a few moments ago. One of the loyal fans in the audience came up and treated him like a war criminal because he fucked up the lick on "Dickie's Such An Asshole" way back when--who knows?--several weeks ago. But the people who come to these shows listen so carefully to every little detail that this man was deeply offended by Ed's performance. So to make sure that he gets his money's worth tonight, we're gonna dwell on it for a few moments now, and have Ed actually practice, kinda warm up for that big lick that happens in "Dickie's Such An Asshole." We're gonna rehearse it right now, ready? Just do it as a solo, here we go . . . or . . . Ed: Or the way we did it that night, which of course was completely wrong. This is how it went . . . FZ: Or . . . 2. When Yuppies Go To Hell includes a reference to City Of Tiny Lites 00:00-01:32 (from Dessicated) Soundcheck Sporthalle, Linz, Austria May 28, 1988 01:32-03:03 (from Dessicated) Sporthalle, Cologne, Germany April 14, 1988 03:03-05:31 (from Pound For A Brown) Stadthalle, Bremen, Germany April 24, 1988 05:31-09:00 (from Pound For A Brown) Brighton Centre, Brighton, UK April 16, 1988 09:00-11:22 (from Pound For A Brown) Memorial Auditorium, Burlington March 12, 1988 11:22-12:55 unknown 12:55-14:36 (from Pound For A Brown) Warner Theatre, Washington, DC February 9, 1988 FZ: Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell!

FZ: Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! FZ: Goin' to hell! Goin' to hell! No, I'm not FZ: Goin' to hell! No, I'm not! FZ: Goin' to hell! No, I'm not! FZ: Goin' to hell! No, I'm not! There ain't no such place as hell! So I sure can't go there FZ: Jay-zus! Jay-zus! Jay-zus! If you believe in that place FZ: Jay-zus! FZ: Goin' to hell! FZ: Jay-zus! FZ: Goin' to hell! I don't believe in hell There just ain't no place like hell (Eww, that's really gross!)

6. The Orange County Lumber Truck Weasels Ripped My Flesh Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Roxy & Elsewhere The Ahoy, Rotterdam, Netherlands May 3, 1988

7. Oh No Lumpy Gravy Weasels Ripped My Flesh Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Roxy & Elsewhere 1st part: Wembley Arena, London, UK April 19, 1988 2nd part: The Ahoy, Rotterdam, Netherlands May 3, 1988

3. Fire And Chains Guitar solo from Pound For A Brown Warner Theatre, Washington, DC February 9, 1988 Woaaaaaa-aaaaaah! SATAN? Senator Hawkins: Fire and chains Fire and chains and fire and chains Fire and chains and fire and chains Senator Hollings: So, I'll be looking from this Senator's standpoint, not just to bring pressures but to try to see if there is some constitutional provisions to tax, or approach that can be used on the Congress to limit this outrageous filth. Senator Hollings: Maybe I could make a good rock star. Outrageous filth Outrageous filth Oh, outrageous filth down there Senator Hawkins: Fire and chains Fire and chains Fire 'n chains . . . it's over there Senator Hawkins: Fire and chains and fire and chains and fire and chains and fire and chains and fire and chains and Fire and chains 4. Let's Make The Water Turn Black We're Only In It For The Money Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol 1 The Ahoy, Rotterdam, Netherlands May 3, 1988 FZ: Thank you! 5. Harry, You're A Beast We're Only In It For The Money The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol 1 The Ahoy, Rotterdam, Netherlands May 3, 1988

Oh no I don't believe it You say that you think you know The meaning of love You say love is all we need You say With your love you can change All of the hate All of the fools I think you're probably Out to lunch Oh no I don't believe it You say that you think you know The meaning of love Do you really think it can be told? You say that you really know I think You should check it again How can you say What you believe Will be the key to a World of love? All your love Will it save me? All your love Will it save the world From what we can't understand? Oh no I don't believe it And in your dreams You can see yourself As a prophet Saving the world The Words from your lips I just can't believe You are such A fool Quack! Well!

8. Theme From Lumpy Gravy Lumpy Gravy Fillmore East, June 1971 The Ahoy, Rotterdam, Netherlands May 3, 1988 FZ: May you never hear vloerbedekking again! 9. Eat That Question The Grand Wazoo PalaEur, Rome, Italy June 7, 1988

I... Thank you very much! Good night! 12. King Kong Lumpy Gravy Uncle Meat Ahead Of Their Time You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 includes a quote from More (Ortolani/Oliviero) 1st part: Rudi-Sedlmeyer Sporthalle, Munich, Germany May 9, 1988 2nd part: Music Hall, Cleveland, Ohio March 5, 1988 Last part (from Pound For A Brown): Royal Oak Music Theatre, Detroit, Michigan February 26, 1988

10. Black Napkins Frank Zappa Plays The Music Of Frank Zappa FZ:OZ Zoot Allures You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Some More Halloween Stadthalle, Vienna, Austria May 8, 1988

11. Big Swifty Waka/Jawaka You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 includes quotes from Lohengrin (Wagner), Carmen (Bizet) and 1812 Overture (Tchaikovsky) Rudi-Sedlmeyer Sporthalle, Munich, Germany May 9, 1988 Except ending from unknown location I...I...I... Everybody! I... Make a jazz noise here! I...

Bruce: You know, you know that reminds me of a real sad story. It happened right here in . . . lovely Cleveland a long long time ago, 'bout, about three hundred and thirty million years ago in fact, in the Upper Devonian. There was a really nice intellectual kind of a placoderm type of a fish, and he was, he was real creative, and he was a-just having lot of fun living, living his life gently along here in the Upper Devonian Peninsula you've got here, and suddenly, out of nowhere, came a band of religious fanatic sharks. And they organized themselves in crazy, fiendish groups, and just ate everything, leaving nothing for this talented creative placoderm type fish, and . . . it just brings tears to my eyes that you may let this happen again, in 1988. I don't know what to do about it! It's driving me wild! I can't hardly stand it no more! I might have to play an outof-tune note or something! I JUST CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! Senator Hawkins: Pyromania Johnny Guitar Watson: YEAH! Senator Hawkins: No question Band member: Thank you so much Senator Hawkins: Burn the building FZ: You're goin' to hell! Senator Hawkins: Burn burn burn FZ: You're goin' to hell! Band member: Hey, I've been there! FZ: You're goin' to hell! Senator Hollings: Maybe I could make a good rock star, I don't know Senator Hawkins: Tools of gratification in some twisted . . . Tools of . . . Tools of . . . Tools of . . . Ike: Not that! Not the lizard! FZ: Coming soon to an airport near you!

Go, man, wild! (Yeah, yeah! Yeah, man, yeah!) I... (Yeah, yeah, yeah!)

13. Star Wars Won't Work

I...I... Wild, man, yeah!

Star Wars won't work Star Wars won't work Star Wars won't work Star Wars won't work

I... Man, wild Go, man, wild Ay ay ay ay ahh . . . Oh yeah!

Beethovensaal, Liederhalle, Stuttgart, Germany May 24, 1988

Star Wars won't work Star Wars won't work The gas still gets through It can get right on you And what about those germs now Star Wars won't work

It's a piece of shit Why are they even talkin' about it anymore It's just an expensive bunch of nothing . . . disc 2 1. The Black Page (new age version) Zappa In New York Läther Baby Snakes You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 1st part: Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA February 12, 1988 2nd part (guitar solo): Le Summum, Grenoble, France May 19, 1988 Ending: Palasport, Modena, Italy June 5, 1988 FZ: Hey! Alright! Sit down! And if you're out in the lobby, get in here! Well . . . 2. T'Mershi Duween You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 Everything Is Healing Nicely Beethovensaal, Liederhalle, Stuttgart, Germany May 24, 1988 Ron Ron Ron Ron, Ron, Ron, Ron, Ron, Ron, Ron . . . I've been such a good boy I've been such a good boy I've been such a good boy Hey! 3. Dupree's Paradise You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 The Perfect Stranger includes the loop from Star Wars Won't Work 1st part: Rosengarten/Mozartsaal, Mannheim, Germany May 25, 1988 2nd part: Beethovensaal, Liederhalle, Stuttgart, Germany May 24, 1988 Last part: Palasport, Modena, Italy June 5, 1988

Palasport, Modena, Italy June 5, 1988 City of tiny lites Don't you wanna go Hear those tiny auto horns When they tiny blow Tiny lightnin' In the storm Tiny tiny tiny blankets Gonna keep you warm Tiny tiny tiny pillows Tiny tiny sheets Talkin' bout them tiny cookies That the peoples eat City of tiny lites Maybe you should know That it's over there In the tiny dirt somewhere You can see it any time When you get the squints From your downers and your wine You're so big It's so tiny Every cloud is silver line-y The great escape for all of you Tiny is as tiny do Tiny is as tiny do Tiny is as tiny do Tiny is as tiny do City of tiny lites Don't you wanna go Hear those tiny auto horns When they tiny blow Tiny lightnin' In the storm Tiny tiny tiny blankets Gonna keep you warm Tiny tiny pillows Tiny tiny sheets Talkin' bout them tiny cookies That the peoples eats City of tiny lites Maybe you shoulda know That it's over there Over there Over there Over there 5. Royal March from "L'Histoire du Soldat" (Igor Stravinsky) Syria Mosque, Pittsburgh February 25, 1988 (probably)

6. Theme from the Bartok Piano Concerto #3 (Béla Bartók) Civic Center, Springfield March 13, 1988

4. City Of Tiny Lights Sheik Yerbouti You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5

7. Sinister Footwear 2nd mvt. Sheik Yerbouti You Are What You Is

Guitar Them Or Us

She got right up and dressed herself and Ate the banana

Rosengarten/Mozartsaal, Mannheim, Germany May 25, 1988 & The Ahoy, Rotterdam, Netherlands May 3, 1988 & Memorial Hall, Allentown, Pennsylvania March 19, 1988 & Warner Theatre, Washington, DC February 10, 1988

9. Alien Orifice Frank Zappa Meets The Mothers Of Prevention You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Intro: Rosengarten/Mozartsaal, Mannheim, Germany May 25, 1988 The rest (mostly): Palasport, Turin, Italy June 3, 1988 FZ: Thank you!

8. Stevie's Spanking 10. Cruisin' For Burgers You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 Them Or Us Memorial Hall, Allentown, Pennsylvania March 19, 1988 His name is Stevie Vai, And he's a crazy guy Last November, I recall, He needed a spanking He decided then A female specimen Would be exciting for a night To give him a spanking Laurel was her name She came to Notre Dame He told me just the other day He oughta be thanking Her for the spanking She was large and soft And she beat him off Made him drool upon his dork And gave it a wanking After the spanking Hair brush! Oh! What a hair brush! (It's not that he requires grooming! Guys with light blue hair never do!)

Uncle Meat Playground Psychotics Zappa In New York includes a quote from Hawaiian War Chant (Noble/Leileohako/Freed) The Ahoy, Rotterdam, Netherlands May 4, 1988 & Olympen, Lund, Sweden April 26, 1988 I must be free My fake I.D. Freeeeeees me Gotta do a few things To make my life complete (Sure you do) Gotta live my life (Where?) Under the seat The difference between us Is not very far Cruising for burgers In daddy's new car My phony freedom card Brings to me Instantly ECSTASY 11. Advance Romance

Then did she exclaim: "There's another game That we can play with this device, And then a banana!"

Bongo Fury FZ:OZ You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3

It was slightly green Vapors in between Rising up to fill the room And cook the banana

Memorial Auditorium, Burlington March 12, 1988 & Pabellón de los Deportes de La Casilla, Bilbao, Spain May 13, 1988 & Palasport, Florence, Italy June 6, 1988 (guitar solo) & Location unknown

She said it was dry "Stevie won't you try To drool a little drool on it And grease the banana" Later in the dawn, Laurel carried on

No more credit From the liquor store Suit is all dirty, my

Shoes is all wore Tired and lonely, my Heart is all sore Advance romance I can't stand it no more, no more She told me she loved me I believed what she said Took me for a sucker, boy All corn-fed Next thing I knew She had a bolt on the door Advance romance (Ha ha ha ha!) I can't use it no more, no (Oh no, holy shit!) Yeah . . . (Ha ha ha!) They took Ike's watch Like they always do (It was a Timex, too!) (WAH-HOO WAH-HOO) (Him ashamed on you) No more money, boy I shoulda knew (You should have know You see the Tipper Gore discharge?) (When I saw that thing come up there I should have know right then . . . ) (It was . . . Holy shit!) George Duke! The way she do me, boy She might do you, too (Yeah, 'fraid so, I mean . . . ) (Really?) The way she do me, boy (Well, uh . . . He's been havin' trouble goin' to the mound, I don't know) She might do you, too (Don't think we need any more spread hitters, you know) (Take me!) (He's a-sprayin' into left field) The way she do me, boy Oh! Oh, yeah! She might do you, too (Oh, he's uh, gonna spray one into left field right about now, I don't know, uh . . . well, uh . . .) Advance romance Oh, yeah! People I am through Yes, I'm through! Potato-head Bobby Was a friend of mine

He opened three of his eyes In the food stamp line He opened four of his eyes In the food stamp line He opened five of his eyes In the food stamp line He opened six of his eyes In the food stamp line He said she might be a dancer Well . . . but she sure was fine Advance romance (Oh, yeah, well) He wanna try it one time At least for one time Later that night They drop on by Tell her all he wanna do Is come up and say "Hi" (HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI) Half an hour later She had frenched his fry (YODELOO YODELOO YODELOO YODEL) Frenched his fry Advance romance Bobby, say good-bye-yay-yay-yay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ahh 12. Strictly Genteel (FZ, horn arrangement: Kurt McGettrick) 200 Motels Orchestral Favorites You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II includes a quote from a Hawaiian Punch commercial Prado de San Sebastián, Seville, Spain May 15, 1988 Kneecaps Nektor Ooohhh Pickups Bon jour Butt rash FZ: Ike Willis, Mike Keneally, Walt Fowler, Bruce Fowler, Paul Carman, Albert Wing, Kurt McGettrick, Chad Wackerman, Ed Mann, Robert Martin, Scott Thunes. Thanks for coming to the show, good night!

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the original albums Original transcription for new material by Román Corrections and additions by John W. Busher, Yakk Magnanz, Chris Maxfield, Gabriel Yazbeck, Stu Mark and Charles Ulrich

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 (Zappa, 2CD, Rykodisc RCD 10087/88, June 14, 1991) disc 2 disc 1 Little Rubber Girl (FZ/Walley) 2:57 Stick Together 2:04 My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama 3:20 Willie The Pimp 2:06 Montana 5:47 Brown Moses 2:38 The Evil Prince 7:12 Approximate 1:49 Love Of My Life Mudd Club Version 1:58 Let's Move To Cleveland Solos (1984) 7:10 You Call that Music? 4:07 Pound For A Brown Solos (1978) 6:29 The Black Page (1984) 5:14 Take Me Out To The Ball Game (Norworth/Von Tilzer) 3:01 15. Filthy Habits 5:39 16. The Torture Never Stops Original Version 9:14

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18.

Church Chat 2:00 Stevie's Spanking 10:51 Outside Now 6:09 Disco Boy 2:59 Teen-Age Wind 1:54 Truck Driver Divorce 4:46 Florentine Pogen 5:09 Tiny Sick Tears 4:29 Smell My Beard (Duke/FZ) 4:30 The Booger Man (Duke/Brock/FZ) 2:46 Carolina Hard Core Ecstasy 6:27 Are You Upset? 1:29 Little Girl Of Mine (Levy/Cox) 1:40 The Closer You Are (Lewis/Robinson) 2:05 Johnny Darling (Statton/Statton) 0:51 No, No Cherry (Caesar/Gray) 1:26 The Man From Utopia (Woods/Woods) 1:15 Mary Lou (Jessie) 2:14

Arranged, produced, compiled and edited by Frank Zappa Recording engineers: Joe Chiccarelli, Mark Pinske, Kerry McNab, Bob Stone, Klause Wiedemann, Dick Kunc, Davey Moire, Mick Glossop Remix engineers: Joe Chiccarelli, Bob Stone Remix facilities: Village Recorders, UMRK Package design by Kathleen Philpott

disc 1 1. Little Rubber Girl 2:57 (FZ & Denny Walley) includes the intro from Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder (FZ/Collins) Intro from Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984 Song from The Palladium, NYC October 31, 1978 1978 band: FZ--vocal Denny Walley--vocals Tommy Mars--keyboards Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Patrick O'Hearn--bass/vocals Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums FZ: Thank you! OK, sit down. Some more raw, unbridled buffoonery for you and yours, during this festive holiday season. A year ago today Was when you went away But now you come back knockin' on my door And you say you're back to stay, But I say . . . I don't need you (I don't need you) I don't want you (I don't want you) I don't need you (oh, you treat me so bad, baby) I don't love you (oh, you treat me like a piece of shit) I don't need you (oh, you know that's not it) I don't want you I can't use you (gotta get a rubber girl) Need a rubber girl (rubber girl) Send me up a little rubber girl (y'know I can put it in the back) I got a rubber girl (I get one with a 69 dollar battery pack) Here comes my rubber girl (the little rubber girl) A little rubber girl (she loves to do anything I want) Little rubber girl (my little rubber girl) My little rubber girl (I pull the string and she do anything) I know she loves me (I can put it in the back) I know she loves me (I can put it in the front crack) Know she loves me (I can push her tonsils down her throat) I know she loves me (and make that bitch scream like a goat) I never have no trouble with my rubber girl (I love to bend her over and ram it all the way in) I never have any trouble with the little rubber girl (and then go back and do it again) I never have no trouble with the little rubber girl (y'know you treated me like shit) I never have no trouble with the little rubber girl (ohh, that's why I never fucked you, baby) I love my little rubber girl (my little rubber girl) I never have no trouble with my little rubber girl (she's the only girl) I never have no trouble with my little rubber girl (I just pull the string and she don't talk back) And she dances great! (she likes to put it in the back) (I don't need you) (my kind of girl) Little rubber girl (y'know I fuck you every day) Run-nnn-nn-nnn-rubber-girl (and you treat me like shit) Run-nnn-nn-nnn-nn-nnn-rubber-girl (fuck you bitch I'm gonna rape) Run-nnn-nn-nnn-nn-nnn-nn-nnn-little-rubber-girl (my little rubber girl) Run-nnn-nn-nnn-nn-nnn-nn-nnn-little-rubber-girl (little rubber girl) Little rubber girl (oh my little rubber girl, rubber girl) Little rubber girl (oh my little rubber girl) Little rubber girl (hey my little rubber girl)

(I don't need you) (69 dollars'll put you in heaven baby) You know . . . Me and my rubber girl (You must admit you're . . . baby) We get along really swell, we never argue Three holes, no waiting 2. Stick Together 2:04

• The Man From Utopia Queen Elizabeth Theatre, Vancouver December 18, 1984 FZ--vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums This is a song about the union, friends How they fucked you over and the way they bends The rules to suit a special few And you gets pooched every time they do You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (You know we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (You know we gotta stick together) Once upon a time the idea was good If only they'd a done what they said they would It ain't no better, they's makin' it worse The labor movement got the Mafia curse You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (You know we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (You know we gotta stick together) Don't be no fool, don't be no dope Common sense is your only hope When the union tells you it's time to strike Tell the motherfucker to take a hike (Oh, yeah) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (You know we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (People we gotta stick together) You know we gotta stick together (You know we gotta stick to . . . ) 3. My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama 3:20

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 • Weasels Ripped My Flesh

Universal Amphitheater, Universal City, CA December 23, 1984 FZ--lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums You know, your mama and your daddy Saying I'm no good for you They call me dirty from the alley Till I don't know what to do I get so tired of sneakin' around Just to get to your back door I crawled past the garbage and Your mama jumped out, screamin' "Don't come back no more" I can't take it My guitar wants to kill your mama My guitar wants to kill your mama My guitar wants to burn your dad I get real mean when it makes me mad Later I tried to call you Your mama told me you weren't there (You just weren't there) She told me don't bother to call again Unless I cut off all my hair I get so tired of sneakin' around Just to get to your back door I crawled past the garbage and Your mama jumped out, screamin' "Don't come back no more" I can't take it My guitar wants to kill your mama My guitar wants to kill your mama My guitar wants to burn your dad I get real mean when it makes me mad Later I tried to call you Your mama told me you weren't there (You just weren't there) She told me don't bother to call again Unless I cut off all my hair I get so tired of sneakin' around Just to get to your back door I crawled past the garbage and Your mama jumped out, screamin' "Don't come back no more" I can't take it My guitar wants to kill your mama My guitar wants to kill your mama My guitar wants to burn your dad I get real mean when it makes me mad 4. Willie The Pimp 2:06

• Hot Rats • Fillmore East, June 1971 Universal Amphitheater, Universal City, CA December 23, 1984 FZ--lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod--keyboards

Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums I'm a little pimp with my hair gassed back A pair a khaki pants and my shoe shined black I got a little lady . . . she walks the street Tellin' all the boys that she cain't be beat She can't be beat, she can't be beat She's so sweet You know she can't be beat She can't be beat, she can't be beat She's so sweet You know she can't be beat A twenny dollah bill (I can set you straight) Meet me onna corner boy 'n don't be late Man in a suit with a bow-tie neck Tryna buy some pussy with a third party check A third party check, a third party check He's tryna buy some pussy With a third party check A third party check, a third party check He's tryna buy some pussy With a third party check Standin' onna porch of the Lido Hotel Floozies in the lobby love the way I sell: HOT MEAT HOT RATS HOT CATS HOT ZITZ HOT MEAT HOT FEET HOT RATS HOT CATS 5. Montana 5:47

• Over-Nite Sensation • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 The Roxy, Los Angeles, CA December 8-10, 1973 and Universal Amphitheater, Universal City, CA December 23, 1984 musicians (1973): FZ--lead guitar/vocal Napoleon Murphy Brock--sax/vocal George Duke--keyboard/vocal Ruth Underwood--percussion Bruce Fowler trombone Tom Fowler--bass Chester Thompson--drums Ralph Humphrey--drums musicians (1984): FZ--vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums

I might be movin' to Montana soon Just to raise me up a crop of Dental Floss Raisin' it up Waxen it down In a little white box That I can sell uptown By myself I wouldn't Have no boss, But I'd be raisin' my lonely Dental Floss Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss Well I just might grow me some bees But I'd leave the sweet stuff To somebody else . . . (how 'bout you there?) But then, on the other hand I would Keep the wax 'N melt it down Pluck some Floss 'N swish it aroun' I'd have me a crop An' it'd be on top (that's why I'm movin' to Montana) Movin' to Montana soon Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon (yes I am) I'm movin' to Montana soon Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune (look out!)

By myself I wouldn't Have no boss, But I'd be raisin' that lonely Dental Floss Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss (Hopla!) Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss Well I might Ride along the border With my tweezers gleamin' In the moon-lighty night And then I would Get a cuppa cawfee 'N give my foot a push . . . Just me 'n the pygmy pony Over the Dennil Floss Bush 'N then I might just sorta Jump back on An' ride Like a dipshit Into the dawn to Montana Movin' to Montana soon (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay) (Oh . . . ) Movin' to Montana soon (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay) Movin' to Montana soon (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay) (I'm . . . ) Movin' to Montana soon (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay) 6. Brown Moses 2:38

I'm pluckin' the ol' Dennil Floss That's growin' on the prairie Pluckin' the floss! I plucked all day an' all nite an' all Afternoon . . . I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss (His name is MIGHTY LITTLE) He's a good hoss Even though He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or Blanket on anyway He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or Blanket on anyway Any way I'm pluckin' the ol' Dennil Floss Even if you think it is a little silly, folks I don't care if you think it's silly, folks I don't care if you think it's silly, folks I'm gonna find me a horse (uh-huh?) Just about this big (yes sir) An' ride that sucker all along the border line With a A pair of heavy-duty Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand Every other wrangler would say I was mighty grand

• Thing-Fish Universal Amphitheater, Universal City, CA December 23, 1984 FZ--vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums What wickedness id dis? De way you's carryin' on! Dis pygmy I been clutchin' Have been lef' out on de lawn! De daddy were ne-GLIJ-ible, De mama were de-FLATE-able, De trauma to de imfunt Be mostly not ne-GATE-able Yo' urgin' to be exitin' Because of dem fla-min-i-go's Be thoroughly perplexin' him Because of where yo' petuh goes If only you been 'siderate Erbout dis lil' illiterate

I wouldna been trudgin' cross de san' Fum way down yonder in E-gyp-lan' Dey callin' me BROWN MOSES, Fo' dat id sho'ly what I am, Ancient an' re-lij-er-mus Solemn an' pres-tig-i-mus Wisdom reekin' outa me 'Long wif summa dis baby pee 'Minds me of dem River Weeds 'N all dem ignint Bible deeds Growed up in de Pharoah place, Lef' de sucker in disgrace! Some dem boys refuse to loin Somthin' smokin': Somthin' boin! Somethin' borry: Somethin' blue! Best keeps a lil' paper In yo shoe! Hear me when I's tellin' you: Leavin' de midgit were WRONG T'DO! It's a terr'ble thang, done did to him Left wit de crab-grass Over his chin! Sho'ly one day he will grow, 'N put some shit In yo' sack o' woe OL' BROWN MOSES now have spoke! Could ya lend me 'bout a dollar? I's a tiny bit broke I likes my wine I loves my gin 'N fo a lil' collateral, I'll gives ya HIM! A lil' collateral, I'll gives ya HIM! A lil' collateral, I'll gives ya HIM! For a lil' collateral, (A lil' collateral) A lil' collateral, (A lil' collateral) A lil' collateral, (A lil' collateral) A lil' collateral, For a lil' collateral I'll gives you HIM! (I'll gives you . . . ) TAKE A POMPADOUR, BABY! 7. The Evil Prince 7:12

• Thing-Fish includes a quote from The Planets Suite: Mars (Holst) Queen Elizabeth Theatre, Vancouver December 18, 1984 Guitar solo: Hammersmith Odeon, London September 24-26, 1984

FZ--lead guitar Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/lead vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Ike: Well well well, now, dis de nasty sucker dat be respondable fo de en-whiffment o' de origumal potium. Now, in his infinate respondable party personaged as THE EVIL PRINCE, and through de magik o' stage-kraft of course, we's about to see what gwine on in his magikal conjurance up of his lil' cauldrom o' doom! Now check it on out now . . . Somewhere, over there, I can tell, (I guess so) There's a voice of A potato-headed whatchamacallit (Whoo, do tell!) Who does not wish me well! His clothes are quite stupid, And also his shoes! (Ain't no biznis like show biznis) He's got a big ol' duck-mouth! (Who knows how he chews!) He thinks he knows something About THE GREAT PLAN! How ULTIMATE BLANDNESS Must RULE and COMMAND He knows not a drop, Not a crumb, Not a whit, Of the reason for doing This criminal shit And then, if he did, Would it matter a bit? Not at all! Because IT IS WRIT: Our BEIGE-BLANDISH GOD Tends to CERTIFY IT: "Only the boring and bland shall survive! Only the lamest of lameness will thrive!" Take it or leave it, you won't be alive, If you are overtly CREATIVE! Fairies and faggots and queers are 'CREATIVE' All the best music on Broadway is 'NATIVE' Who will step forward And end all this trouble? For beige-blandish citizens, Clutching the rubble Of vanishing dreams Of wimpish amusement, Replaced by a rash Of 'CREATIVE' confusement! Soon, my brave Zombies, You'll make your return! Broadway will glow! Broadway will burn! (Along with the remnants of EVERYTHING NEW) My HOLY DISEASE will do Wonders for you! Those lovely producers

Who paid for you 'then' Will do it again, and again, and again!

Stadio Communale, Pistoia, Italy July 8, 1982

The spying potato (the spying potato!) With horrible diction (that terrible diction!) Will rot in the garbage (I can smell it right now!) When this show's eviction Takes place shortly after My alternate skill Of THEATRICAL SABOTAGE Triumphs YOUR will!

FZ--vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocals Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums

I've a special review (Yes I know you really do) I've been saving for years (Yes I know you really have) For a show just like this, (For a really stupid show) With POTATOES and QUEERS

Heinz, Heinz Make food AH . . . OH . . . EH . . . AH . . . (Heinz!) Dagmar, din-din! Stayin' alive

I'll say it's disgusting, atrocious, and dull I'll say it makes boils inside of your skull I'll say it's the worst-of-the-worst of the year, No wind down the plain, and it's hard on your ear I'll say it's the work of an infantile mind I'll say that it's tasteless, and that you will find A better excuse to spend money or time At a Tupper-Ware Party, So, do be a smarty! Hold on to that dollar A little while longer For spending it here, Why, it couldn't be wronger! WHAT'S HAPPENED TO BROADWAY? WHERE'S IT GONE, ALL THE GLITTER? THE 'HEART' AND 'SOUL' THE PATTER? THE PITTER? And after this deadly review hits the paper, In will come ROPER, BENDER & RAPER, To legally exercute all that remains Of this tragic amusement for drug-addled brains Hold on to that g-string A little while longer For bending it here, Why, it couldn't be wronger! WHAT'S HAPPENED TO BROADWAY? WHERE'S IT GONE, ALL THE GLITTER? THE 'HEART' AND 'SOUL' THE PATTER? THE PITTER? And after this deadly review hits the paper, In will come ROPER, BENDER & RAPER, To legally execute all that remains Of this tragic amusement for drug-addled brains Hey hey, hey hey, hey hey, brai-hains . . . 8. Approximate 1:49

• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 • Zappa In New York • Läther includes a quote from Stayin' Alive (Gibb/Gibb/Gibb)

Ah ah ah ah There's a '39 Buick blocking the driveway 9. Love Of My Life 1:58

• Cruising With Ruben & The Jets • Tinsel Town Rebellion Mudd Club, NYC May 8, 1980 FZ--vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--keyboards/bass David Logeman--drums FZ: Thank you! Love of my life, I love you so Love of my life, don't ever go I love you only Love, love of my life (Love of my life) Stars in the sky They never lie Tell me you need me Don't say goodbye I love you only Love, love of my life Stars in the sky They never lie Tell me you need me Don't say goodbye I love you darling I love you only Don't ever leave me Don't make me lonely Love of my life I love you so Love of my life Don't ever go I love you only Love, love of my life

(My love, love of my life) (Love of my life) Love of my life (My love, love of my life) (Love of my life) Love of my life Love of my life Love of my life Love of my . . . 10. Let's Move To Cleveland (Solos 1984) 7:10

• FZ:OZ • Does Humor Belong In Music? • The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life

FZ--guitar Denny Walley--slide guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards/vocals - 2nd solo Peter Wolf--Minimoog solo Ed Mann--percussion Patrick O'Hearn--bass Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Crowd: Frank Zappa! . . . Zappa! . . . Frank Zappa! . . . ZAPPA! . . . Zappa! Hey! Tommy: Why can't you feel it? I'm feelin' it! 13. The Black Page (1984) 5:14

• Zappa In New York • Läther • Baby Snakes • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 • Make A Jazz Noise Here

includes The Hook; based on the vamp from Pretzel Logic (Fagen/Becker) Unknown place and date (c. 1973-74) Fine Arts Center Concert Hall, Amherst, Massachusetts October 28, 1984

Queen Elizabeth Theatre, Vancouver December 18, 1984 Guitar solo: The Pier, NYC August 26, 1984

Archie Shepp--tenor sax solo FZ--guitar Ike Willis--guitar Ray White--guitar Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax Alan Zavod--keyboard solo Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums solo

FZ--lead guitar Ike Willis--guitar Ray White--guitar Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums

FZ: Archie Shepp, ladies and gentlemen. 11. You Call That Music? 4:07 McMillin Theater, Columbia University, NYC February 14, 1969

14. Take Me Out To The Ball Game 3:01 (Jack Norworth and Albert Von Tilzer) Pabellón de los Deportes de La Casilla, Bilbao, Spain May 13, 1988

FZ--guitar Lowell George--guitar Roy Estrada--bass/vocal Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner--trumpet Ian Underwood--clarinet Bunk Gardner--tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black--drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III--drums Dave Samuels--guest soloist on vibes

12. Pound For A Brown (Solos 1978) 6:29

• Uncle Meat • Ahead Of Their Time • Zappa In New York • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 • The Yellow Shark The Palladium, NYC October 28, 1978

FZ--guitar Ike Willis--baseball vocal Mike Keneally--guitar/synth Bobby Martin--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Walt Fowler--trumpet solo & baseball vocal Bruce Fowler--trombone Paul Carman--alto sax Albert Wing--tenor sax Kurt McGettrick--baritone sax Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Ike: Awright, welcome, and good evening to the baseball game. I'm Skip Caray, I'm with Pete Van Wieren for another game between the Atlanta Braves and the Chicago Cubs. The braves are featuring another outstanding cast. (ARF!) Ike: We got a wonderful cast of characters here. He's a home run hitter and RBI leader for the year, what do you think? Walt: Well uh, I don't know what the problem is with uh, these Braves this year, they've uh, they've really been having trouble with

one run games, on Sundays for some reason. I don't know what it is, what do you think? 16. The Torture Never Stops 9:14 (WOOH!) Ike: Well Pete uh, the Dodgers had it last, that problem last year, and uh, lot of one run games uh, specially on Sundays, and, well they suddenly ended up uhhhh . . . last in the league. Uhhhh . . . coming over here, Zane Smith is pitchin' today and I hear he's got good stuff. Walt: Well actually I think the main problem is uh, the Rockies uh, the Rockies have just not be coming through. They haven't been able to handle that curve ball. Seems to me like they really don't go over that. Ike: Oh here he goes again. Smash foul! Doesn't look to the plate. "That goes for your little dog, too!" Walt: He really gets a hold of that one, it's gone. Yes, Elvis has left the building! "That goes for your little dog, too!" "That goes for your little dog, too!" Ike: Move away for the seventh inning stretch after theeeeee . . . game "That goes for your little dog, too!" "That goes for your little dog, too!" They're singing. He swung on it 'n missed Smash foul! (WOOH!) Fans getting out of here in a hurry. The player steps out to the plate. (ARF!) Take me out to the game. Uh, you can buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks. I don't care if he never gets back. Swung on it 'n missed . . . 15. Filthy Habits 5:39

• FZ:OZ • Sleep Dirt • Läther Pabellón de los Deportes de La Casilla, Bilbao, Spain May 13, 1988 and Le Summum, Grenoble, France May 19, 1988 FZ--lead guitar Ike Willis--guitar Mike Keneally--guitar/synth Bobby Martin--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Walt Fowler--trumpet Bruce Fowler--trombone Paul Carman--alto sax Albert Wing--tenor sax Kurt McGettrick--baritone sax Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums

• FZ:OZ • Zoot Allures • Zappa In New York • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 • Thing-Fish • The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Armadillo World Headquarters, Austin, Texas May 21, 1975 FZ--guitar Captain Beefheart--harmonica/vocals Napoleon Murphy Brock--sax Bruce Fowler--trombone Denny Walley--slide guitar George Duke--keyboards Tom Fowler--bass Terry Bozzio--drums Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair Prisoners grumble and piss they clothes and scratch their matted hair A tiny light from a window hole a hundred yards away That all they ever get to know 'bout the regular life in the day; 'Bout the regular life in the day Slime 'n rot 'n rats 'n snot, vomit on the floor Fifty ugly soldiers, man, holdin' spears by the iron door Stinks so bad, stones are chokin' Weepin' greenish drops In the den where the giant fire puffer woik 'N the torchum never stops, talkin' Torchum never stops, talkin' Torchum never stops Torchum never stops. Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair An evil prince eats a steamin' pig in a tumbers right near there In the chambers right near there He eats the snouts 'n the trotters first The loin's 'n the groin's are then dispersed His carvin' style is well rehearsed He stands and shouts All men be coist All men be coist All men be coist All men be coist And disagree, well no-one durst He the best of course of all the woist Best of course of all the woist He stinks so bad, his stones been chokin' Weepin' greenish drops, In the room where the iron maiden, 'N the torchum never stops, talkin' Torchum never stops Torchum never stops, talkin' Torchum never stops. Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair Who are all those people that he's shut away down there Are they crazy?, Are they sainted? Are they heroes someone painted?, Someone painted Are they -isms later ornated Once they come they have been tainted Once they come they have been tainted

Never been explained since at first it was created But a dungeon and its kin Requires naught but lockin' in Of any anything that's been Could be a her but its prob'ly a him Could be a her but its prob'ly a him It's what's the deal we're dealing in It's what's the deal we're dealing in An' he thinks so bad it's hurt To the pearl and the piles of blast Any dungeon have a trailer Were the torchum never stops, talkin' now Torchum never stops Torchum never stops, talkin' to you Torchum never stops. disc 2 1. Church Chat 2:00 includes a quote from The Old Rugged Cross (Bennard) Parc des Expositions, Metz, France June 22, 1982 FZ--inspirational vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar/vocal/zucchini Tommy Mars--keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums You know today the church is in a terrible state. The bucks just aren't rollin' in like they used to. And when the bucks don't come in, the church comes up with a NEW GIMMICK to make you SPEND to GO TO HEAVEN. Now I know you don't know what I'm talking about, but WHAT THE FUCK. But anyway, listen to this ladies and gentlemen, when the church wants to get your money they remind you about HELL. (Whoo-hoo-hoo-HA-HA) If you commit a sin you're gonna go to hell. (Oui-oui) Well let me give you an example, this boy over here; (Tell 'em about it Brother Zappa.) Sometimes people say: That if you FUCK somebody (Oh lord) It's a sin, (Oui-oui) This may or may not be true. (Testify) This boy not only fucked somebody with his organ, but he also fucked a girl with a GUITAR, (Woo-hoo) With an UMBRELLA, (Oui oui) With a ZUCHINNI, (Testify) (Oui) With a SHOE, (Oui) With an ENEMA BAG . . . (Ha ha!) What else did you do? (A vibrato bar.) A VIBRATO BAR! Some people would say this is a SIN. And if you SIN you're gonna go to HELL. Well ladies and gentlemen: There ain't no hell. (Oui) There is no such thing as hell. (Oui) There is no hell,

(Oui) (Oui) There is only FRANCE! (Oui, oui!) 2. Stevie's Spanking 10:51

• Them Or Us • Make A Jazz Noise Here Ex Mattatorio do Testaccio, Rome, Italy July 9, 1982 and Unknown location c. May-June 1982 FZ--lead guitar - 2nd solo Ray White--guitar/vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar - first solo Tommy Mars--keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocals Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums His name is Stevie Vai, And he's a crazy guy Last November, I recall, He needed a spanking He decided then A female specimen Would be exciting for a night To give him a spanking Laurel was her name She came to Notre Dame He told me just the other day He oughta be thanking Her for the spanking She was large and soft And she beat him off Made him drool upon his dork And gave it a wanking After the spanking Hair brush! (Oh . . . what a hair brush!) Oh! What a hair brush! (It's not that he requires grooming! Guys with light blue hair never do!) Then she did exclaim: "There's another game That we can play with this device, And then a banana!" It was slightly green Vapors in between Rising up to fill the room And cook the banana She said it was dry "Stevie won't you try To drool a little drool on it And grease the banana" Later in the dawn, Laurel carried on

She got right up and dressed herself and Ate the banana

FZ: One, two, three, four! 4. Disco Boy 2:59

3. Outside Now 6:09

• Zoot Allures • Have I Offended Someone? • Baby Snakes

• Guitar • Joe's Garage Acts II & III • The Perfect Stranger • Broadway The Hard Way

Olympiahalle, Munich, Germany June 26, 1982

Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA November 10, 1984

FZ--lead vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocals Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums

FZ--lead guitar Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Fruit! These executives have plooked the fuck out of me And there's still a long time to go before I've Paid my debt to society And all I ever really wanted to do was Play the guitar 'n bend the string like Reent-toont-teent-toont-teent-toont-teenooneenoonee I've got it I'll be sullen and withdrawn I'll dwindle off into the twilight realm Of my own secret thoughts I'll lay on my back here 'til dawn In a semi-catatonic state And dream of guitar notes That would irritate An executive kinda guy . . . Well, I guess that one did the trick If they only coulda heard it Half-a-dozen of 'em woulda strangled While they was suckin' on each other's dick Yeah, but that was only a bunch of imaginary Notes I played Just a little extra somethin' To keep me goin' from day to day But that's okay I'll be gettin' outta here pretty soon Then I won't have to live In this ugly fuckin' room I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . 'N I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . Now listen here I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . I mean it! I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . 'N outside now . . . Outside now, yeah Outside now Outside now . . . yeah I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . Outside now! I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . . I can't wait to see what it's like On the outside now . . .

Disco Boy Run to the toilet, honey, Comb your hair Disco Boy Pucker yer lips, 'N check yer shoulders, 'Cause some dandruff might be Hidin' there! Disco Boy, You're the DISCO KING! Aw, the Disco-Thing Made you think Someday, That you Just might GO SOMEWHERE! Disco Girl! You're 'out-a-site'! You need a Disco Boy To treat you right He'll do a little dance; Take you home tonight (Leave his hair alone, But you can kiss his comb) Disco Boy! Run to the toilet honey, Comb your hair Disco Boy! Shake it more than three times 'n yer playin' with it (WOW!) While yer standin' there! Disco Boy! Do the Bump every night, 'til the Disco Girl Who's REALLY RIGHT Gonna fall for yer line, 'N feed you a box fulla Chicken Delight! Well . . . Disco chit-chat; so demure! Pump that booty all across the floor! A disco drink A disco wink

"You never go doody!" (That's what you think) "You never go doody!" (That's what you think) "You never go doody!" (That's what you think) Doody You never go doody Doody You never go doody (Go on, take your teeth out, girl!) Disco Boy! You got one more chance To comb your hair again Disco Boy! They're closin' the bar, And she's leavin' with your friend! Disco Boy, That's the way it goes, So wipe your nose, 'N try it again, To get a little pussy tomorrow! Disco Boy, No one understands, But thank THE LORD That you still got hands To help you do that jerkin' that'll Blot out yer Disco Sorrow! It's Disco Love tonight Make sure you look all right It's Disco Love tonight Make sure you look all right 5. Teen-age Wind 1:54

• You Are What You Is Olympiahalle, Munich, Germany June 26, 1982 FZ--vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/lead vocal Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums I got to be free Free as the wind Free is the way I got to be Maybe I'm lost Maybe I've sinned I got to be Totally free Our parents don't love us Our teachers they say Things that are boring So we're running away And we will be free

And people will see That when we are free That's the way we should be (WE MUST BE FREE!) (WE MUST BE FREE AS THE WIND) (WE WERE FREE, WELL, WHEN WE WERE BORN!) (WE WERE BORN FREE, BUT, NOW WE ARE NOT FREE ANYMORE!) BUT WE WANNA BE FREE AN' WE'RE GONNA BE FREE SO WE WANNA BE FREE AN' WE'RE GONNA BE FREE . . . did you know that FREE IS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR NOTHING OR DO NOTHING WE WANT TO BE FREE FREE AS THE WIND FREE IS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR NOTHING OR DO NOTHING WE WANT TO BE FREE FREE AS THE WIND FREE IS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR NOTHING OR DO NOTHING WE WANT TO BE FREE FREE AS THE WIND FREE IS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR NOTHING OR DO NOTHING WE WANNA . . . YEAH WE WANNA . . . YEAH WE WANNA . . . YEAH WE WANNA BE FREE WE'RE GONNA . . . YEAH WE'RE GONNA . . . YEAH WE'RE GONNA . . . YEAH WE'RE GONNA BE FREE WE GOTTA . . . YEAH WE GOTTA . . . YEAH WE GOTTA . . . YEAH WE GOTTA BE FREE WE GOTTA . . . YEAH WE GOTTA . . . YEAH WE GOTTA . . . YEAH WE GOTTA BE FREE WE GOTTA . . . GOTTA GOTTA . . . GOTTA GOTTA BE FREE GOTTA BE FREE GOTTA BE FREE YEAH YEAH WE GOTTA . . . GOTTA GOTTA . . . GOTTA GOTTA BE FREE GOTTA BE FREE GOTTA BE FREE YEAH YEAH WE GOTTA . . . GOTTA GOTTA . . . GOTTA GOTTA BE FREE GOTTA BE FREE GOTTA BE FREE YEAH YEAH WE GOTTA . . . GOTTA GOTTA . . . GOTTA GOTTA BE FREE GOTTA BE FREE GOTTA BE FREE

6. Truck Driver Divorce 4:46

• Them Or Us includes a quote from The Twilight Zone (Constant) Hammersmith Odeon, London September 24-26, 1984 and Paramount Theatre, Seattle, Washington December 17, 1984 Guitar solo: Olympiahalle, Munich, Germany June 26, 1982

To UTAH! 7. Florentine Pogen 5:09

• One Size Fits All • The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life includes a quote from Louie Louie (Richard Berry) Prob. Kulttuuritalo, Helsinki, Finland September 22, 1974 and Hammersmith Odeon, London, England February 18, 1979

musicians 1982: FZ--lead guitar Ray White--guitar Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums musicians 1984: FZ--vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Truck driver divorce! It's very sad (Steel guitars Usually weep all over it) The bold & intelligent BLASTERS OF THE ROAD, With their Secret Language, And their GIANT OVER-SIZED MECHANICAL TRANS-CONTINENTAL HOBBY-HORSE! Truck driver divorce! It's very sad! Oh the wife! Oh the kids! Oh the waitress! Oh the drive all night! Sometimes when you come home Some ugly lookin' son-of-a-bitch Is trying' to pooch yer HOME-TOWN SWEETHEART! Oh, go ride the bull! Aw, go ride the bull! Make it go up 'n down 'N when you fall off, You can eat the mattress! TRUCK DRIVER DIVORCE! IT'S VERY SAD! Bust yer ass To deliver some string beans, (Oh, yes!) Deliver some string beans, Deliver a whole bunch of string beans,

1974 band: FZ--guitar/vocal Napoleon Murphy Brock--sax/vocal George Duke--keyboard/vocal Ruth Underwood--percussion Tom Fowler--bass Chester Thompson--drums 1979 band: FZ--guitar/vocal Ike Willis--lead vocal Denny Walley--slide guitar/vocals Warren Cuccurullo--guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards/vocals Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh oh-oh La-la la-la la-la la-la La-la la-la la-la She was the daughter of a wealthy Florentine Pogen Read 'em 'n weep Was here adjustable slogan She was a debutante daisy With a color-note organ Deep in the street She drove a '59 Morgan WOO-LAH! That's the kinda step she takes When her hot breaks hot brake . . . That's the kinda sound she makes (ooh, let go uh . . . ) When her crab cakes She didn't like it when her fan belt Shrunk & got shorter (Ointment) Battery leaks could nearly cost her a quarter She didn't want to go home An' watch the pestle go mortar Later she speaks On how Perellis might court her La-la-la, la-la-ooh La-la-la, la-la-ooh

La-la-la, la-la-ooh La-la-la, la-la-ooh She was the daughter Ah-ah-ahhh Of a wealthy Florentine Pogen Po-oh-wo-oh-oh Po-oh-wo-oh-oh Po-oh-wo-oh-oh Ga-ya-ee-annnn Read 'em 'n weep (Take a booger home with you to) Read 'em 'n weep (Take a booger home with you to) Read 'em 'n weep Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-HAH Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-HAH Butzis, Butzis, Butzis . . . Chester's go-rilla She go oink Chester's go-rilla She go quack Chester's go-rilla She go UUHH Chester's go-rilla She go 8. Tiny Sick Tears 4:29 based on 96 Tears (Martinez), includes a quote from The End (The Doors) The Factory, The Bronx, NYC February 13, 1969 FZ--sensitive vocal Lowell George--guitar/vocal Roy Estrada--bass/vocal Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner--trumpet Ian Underwood--alto sax Bunk Gardner--tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black--drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III--drums You know sometimes in the middle of the night You get to feeling uptight And wish you were feelin' alright And you know you're white And you ain't got no soul And there's no one with a hole nearby And therefore in your teen-age madness and delirium You toss and turn in your sweaty little grey teen-age sheets In that little room with the psychedelic posters And the red bulb And the incense And your bead collection And your country song roundup books And you cry your tiny sick tears Tiny sick tears Tiny sick tears You know you gotto gotto gotto gotto You've gotta find some relief from the terrible, From the terrible ache that is clutching right at your heart Because it's hurting you to your heart And you're crying tiny sick tears And you have to go downstairs

Out of your bedroom Out into the hall Down to the living room Through the living room To the kitchen To the cookie jar Where you wanna get your cookies And you take the top off the cookie jar And you stick your tiny sick hand in the cookie jar And you reach around in the cookie jar To find a raisin cookie A spongy one, with the little plump raisins A little tactile sensation for your tiny sick fingers Squeeze the raisin on the cookie Pull the cookie out of the jar Stuff the raisin into your eating hole Push it all the way in your eating hole Now make your eating hole wrap itself around the tiny sick cookie Scarf the cookie Put the lid back on the jar Go over to the ice box Open the ice box Pull out the box of milk Open the box of milk Into a triangular beak like that Pull the little triangular beak up to your drinking hole Up to your hole Pour the white fluid from the drinking box into your hole Close the beak Reinsert the box into the ice box Close the box door Walk out of the kitchen Through the living room Back up the stairs Past your sister's room Past your brother's room You take a mask from the ancient hallway Make it down to your father's room And you walk in And your father, your tiny sick father Is beating his meat to a Playboy magazine He's got it rolled into a tube And he's got his tiny sick pud stuffed in the middle of it Right flat up against the centerfold There he is, your father with a tiny sick erection And you walk in and you say: "Father, I want to kill you" And he says: "Not now, son, not now!" HANDS UP! POOO-LAAAH! FZ: I know that it's so hard to stop playing this soul music, you know, cause it really . . . For one thing it's really easy, and for another thing, it wastes a lot of time while we're on stage. We've learned in our travels that teenagers are ready to accept these two chords no matter how they're played. (Isn't it?) It makes you feel secure, 'cause you know that after, "did de dit de didde," the other one is gonna come on. Would never fail, simple . . . Some people would say it's bullshit, but we love it, don't we kids? Meanwhile . . . 9. Smell My Beard 4:30 (George Duke, FZ) includes The Hook and a quote from Louie Louie (Richard Berry) Capitol Theatre, Passaic, New Jersey November 8, 1974 FZ--guitar/vocal Napoleon Murphy Brock--sax/vocal George Duke--keyboard/vocal Ruth Underwood--percussion

Tom Fowler--bass Chester Thompson--drums FZ: Now the sound that you hear in the background right now, is the sound caused by George Duke, agitating two metal insignias. These are badges that he removed from a coupla boogers that Marty tried to palm off on him in the last town that we're, we was in. Actually they're booger pasties and he's hitting the, the booger pasty with a little stick to get a very interesting musical effect. You know, he does this every night, and sometimes he becomes so overwrought, so excited by the fact that he's actually touching a piece of metal that might have at one time come in contact with the actual flesh of a booger bear. George: Ooh, Lord, have mercy . . . FZ: And so sometimes he misses it, and he hits his thumb and he hurts himself . . . Yes it hurts very much, but he likes pain. We can tell that he likes pain because he's in this group. George: But, but, it's very close to other things . . . FZ: Yes, but later that night after George was finished fondling the booger pasty, a thought came to his mind: "How, how can I possibly get any nook tonight in Passaic if I don't put this thing down and play the piano and get funky for these people." And so, George, as you say in your language, took it away! George: But before we get funky, the continuing stories of . . . Napoleon: Boogie-The-Bay! Mother: Moon Trek! Napoleon: Ha ha ha! George: The . . . No, this ain't Moon Trek this time, we go to Moon Trek next show. This is the continuing stories of the boogers of Marty Perellis. Do you all know who he is? There he is. He's got a white shirt on an' a . . . FZ: Your two-hunderd and fifty closest relatives, the Mothers of Invention! George: Yes. Anyway, it was in my room. I invited some people over. Young ladies. They looked interesting. Their names shall go unmentioned. FZ: The reason they looked interesting is because they apparently were intelligent enough to dress themselves. George: Anyway, what was happening was . . . nothing. Ha ha, wasn't nothing happening, ha! So I said: "Let's get this party on the road." I said: "Lemme call the road manager." I said: "What's your name? Marty Perellis, come down here and meet Miss Cool, Miss Jew & Miss eh . . . Napoleon: Stool! George: Miss Stool. Napoleon: Ha ha ha ha! George: So we, so Marty got in there and he was there about five minutes and all of a sudden I began to hear other things. I said: "What you doing over there?" I said: "I never heard nobody do that kind of thing before." I said: "Come out of that corner, what's wrong with you?" And so he comissed it. We were all asking: "Man, what you're doing over there?" And all it was . . . FZ: Really whipping it, just whipping it into a frenzy. George: All of a sudden he was gone! I looked around and Marty had took the booger out his room. I said: "Where you going?" He went down to his room, which was room 33. An hour later I went to his room. I knocked on his door. I said: "What you doin'?" He said . . . I said: "Say that again . . . " I said: "Ho ho." It was late. We had an eight o'clock wake up. You all know what that is. Eight o'clock wake up! Eight o'clock wake up! Eight o'clock wake up! Eight o'clock wake up! Eight o'clock wake up! Eight o'clock wake up! AAHRRRR . . . So Marty came out in the hall and looked at Napoleon and said, can I say this? He said: "Smell my beard." Napoleon: Ha ha ha ha ha ha . . . George: I said: "You must be crazy." Ahhh . . . ha ha! Napoleon: I had to smell it . . . ah ha ha! George: Show how y'was walking, Marty. And he said: "Smell my beard." I said: "I ain't gonna smell nothing," Napoleon said: "I'll . . . " Napoleon: Check it out, I told that, check it out, make sure . . . George: Anyway if you wanna hear . . . Napoleon: You know what it smelled like . . . FZ: Marty's odor. George: Come to the next show for the continuing stories of . . . Napoleon: Marty's odor George: Marty Trek. But for now we go to . . . Napoleon: Marty's odor

10. The Booger Man 2:46 (George Duke, Napoleon Brock, FZ) Capitol Theatre, Passaic, New Jersey November 8, 1974 FZ--guitar/vocal Napoleon Murphy Brock--sax/vocal George Duke--keyboard/vocal Ruth Underwood--percussion Tom Fowler--bass Chester Thompson--drums (White juice on his beard) Well the Booger Man (White juice on his beard) Get down (White juice on his beard) Well, the Booger Man (White juice on his beard) In my room (White juice on his beard) Look at the booger (White juice on his beard) An' then he was gone (White juice on his beard) Wait three hours (White juice on his beard) Didn't sing no song (White juice on his beard) I said: What you're doing None of your biz Said: What you're doing He said: None of your biz (His pants were sticking through his leg) Oh! Talkin' about the Booger Man (His pants were sticking through his leg) Right over there (His pants were sticking through his leg) Lord! The Booger Man (His pants were sticking through his leg) Had a beard (His pants were sticking through his leg) Lord! The Booger Man (Wonder why) They ate after six (Wonder why) I said: What you're doing (Wonder why) With your ol' tricks (Wonder why) Oh Lord! The Booger Man (His pants were sticking through his leg) In my room (His pants were sticking through his leg) Him an' booger (Stuff on his beard) Till nine noon (White stuff on his beard) What you're doing (White cream on his beard) In my bed (White cream on his beard) With that booger (His pants were sticking through his leg) Instead (His pants were sticking through his leg) Of somebody fine (Smell my beard) Fine, fine (Is what he said) Somebody fine (Smell my beard) Fine, fine (Is what he said) Somebody fine

(Smell my beard) Fine, fine (Is what he said) Somebody fine (Sure was good) Fine, fine (Sure was fine) Somebody make you do this The Booger Man Get on down Look at the Booger Man Had a crown On his head now Cleaned his shoes In his bed now Playin' the blues Oh yeah Well Ah, Lord George: You know . . . personally I ain't got nothing against no boogers y'know, every now and then, you know, it's . . . FZ: Yes, just listen to George all you boogers in the audience. This is George's plea. George: But see, you, what you have to remember is that uh, in the final analysis, a booger to one is not a booger to all, heh heh . . . Ain't that right? AIN'T THAT RIGHT? FZ: THAT'S RIGHT! George: AIN'T THAT RIGHT? Please, get down Ruth . . . Napoleon: As Chester would say: A booger is in the eye of the beholder George: Sure is . . . 11. Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy 6:27

• Bongo Fury • FZ:OZ includes a quote from Listen To The Music (Tom Johnston) Paramount Theatre, Seattle, Washington December 17, 1984 FZ--lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums I coulda swore her hair was made of rayon She wore a Milton Bradley Crayon But she was something I could lay on Can't remember what became of me . . . Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy She put a Doobie Brothers tape on (Ooh-ooh-ooh, listen to the music) I had a Roger Daltrey cape on (Ooh-ooh-ooh, a Roger Daltrey cape on) There was a bed I dumped her shape on Can't remember what became of me . . . Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy Somewhat later on I woke up and she was gone There was dew out on the lawn In the sunrise

Later she came back With a rumpled paper sack Which she told me would contain A surprise She stuck her hand right in it to the bottom Said she knew I'd be surprised she got 'em Take a Charleston pimp to spot 'em Then she gave a pair of shoes to me . . . Plastic leather, 14 triple D I said: "I wonder what's the shoes for?" She told me: "Don't you worry no more!" And got right down there on the tile floor Now Darling STOMP ALL OVER ME! . . . Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy Is this something new Having people stomp on you? Is it what I need to do For your pleasure? (And other things) "What is this, a quiz? Don't you worry what it is It is merely just a moment I can treasure . . . " (You know . . . ) By ten o'clock her arms and legs were rendered She couldn't talk 'cause her mouth had been extendered Looked to me as though she had been blendered But was this abject misery? No! No! Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy! Well . . . But was this abject misery? No! No! Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy! It might seem strange to Herb and Dee-Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy! 12. Are You Upset? 1:29 Fillmore East, NYC February 21, 1969 FZ--vocal Lowell George--guitar/vocal Roy Estrada--bass/vocal Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner--trumpet Ian Underwood--alto sax Bunk Gardner--tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black--drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III--drums Mother: Ah-ah-hah, yeah! POO-AHHHHHH . . . Guy In The Audience: Stop that . . . ! FZ: Ssh . . . ssh . . . Mother: Heavy business, man FZ: Are you upset? . . . Say it again Guy In The Audience: FUCK YOU! FZ: What? Guy In The Audience: YOU'RE FUCKED!!

FZ: I'm fucked? That's the nicest thing anybody's said to me all day . .. 13. Little Girl Of Mine 1:40 (Morris Levy and Herbert Cox) Detroit, Michigan August 24, 1984 FZ--vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Oh little girl of mine Gee, but you sure look fine Yes, you appeal to me I'll never set you free 'Cause you're my loving baby You belong to me That's the way it was meant to be, oh! Oh little girl stay cool That's all I ask of you Be mine and mine alone Call me on the telephone 'Cause you're my loving baby You belong to me That's the way it was meant to be, oh! Oh baby now I know I love you so I'll never, never let you go I need your love oh so much I thrill to your touch Oh little girl stay cool That's all I ask of you Be mine and mine alone Call me on the telephone Be my lovin' baby till the end of time I can't seem to get you off my mind Oh baby . . . Oh sugar . . . Oh darling . . . Oh lover . . . Oh baby . . . Oh sugar 14. The Closer You Are 2:05 (Earl Lewis and Morgan Robinson)

• Them Or Us 1st part: Bayfront Center Arena, St. Petersburg, Florida December 1, 1984 2nd part: Detroit, Michigan August 24, 1984 FZ--vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums The closer you are (Yes, ma'm) The brighter the stars in the sky

(No, we'll do it straight) And darling, I realize That you're the one in my life (It's gonna be hard though) Oh oh My heart skips a beat (See what I mean?) Every time You and I meet My life, my love, my dear I can't defeat This yearning deep in my heart To have only you When I first saw you, I did adore you, And all your loving ways (Your loving . . . ) But then you went away, But now you're back to stay, hey-hey And my love for you grows stronger every Day-ahhh Way-ahhh Ooh The closer you are, The brighter the flames in my heart, And darling, We'll never part We'll always be in love We'll always be in lust . . . 15. Johnny Darling 0:51 (Louis Statton and Johnny Statton) Detroit, Michigan August 24, 1984 FZ--vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums And she said Johnny Darlin' (Wah-ah-ah hoo-oo) Don't ever go-o yea-heah (Ah-ha-ha-haaa) And she said: Johnny Darlin' (Wah-ah-ah hoo-oo) Don't ever go-o yea-heah (Ah-ha-ha-haaa) And she said: Johnny Darlin' (Johnny Darling) Don't ever go-o-o-oooo (Oo-oo-oo-oooooooooo) 16. No, No Cherry 1:26 (L. Caesar and J. Gray) Detroit, Michigan August 24, 1984 FZ--vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod--keyboards

Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Well I found out baby You told me a great big lie Well I found out baby You told me a great big lie 'Cause when I got inside You didn't have no cherry pie Well you had no, no cherry (No, no cherry) No, no cherry (No, no cherry) No, no cherry (No, no cherry) No, no cherry (No, no cherry) You had no, no cherry No, no cherry pie Well you had me fakin' baby Made me lose my pride Well you had me fakin' baby Made me lose my pride 'Cause I caught you lying 'Bout what you had inside And you had no, no cherry (No, no cherry) No, no cherry (No, no cherry) No, no cherry (No, no cherry) No, no cherry (No, no cherry) You had no, no cherry No, no cherry pie

But still (still), still (still), still he locked her in the bathroom But still (still), still (still), still he locked her in the bathroom Then he took her to Milan and locked her in the hotel too Ahh, Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou) Oh child you big fool (big fool, big fool) Ahh, Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou) Oh child you big fool (big fool, big fool) You did everything for him that you could do (Mary Lou, Mary Lou) 18. Mary Lou 2:14 (Obie Jessie)

• The Man From Utopia Stadio Communale, Pistoia, Italy July 8, 1982 FZ--lead vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocals Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums I'm gonna tell you a story about Mary Lou I mean the kind of a girl who make a fool of you She'd make a young man groan and a poor man pain The way she took my money was a cryin' shame Mary Lou -- she took my watch and chain Mary Lou -- she took my diamond ring Mary Lou -- she took my Cadillac car Jumped in my Kitty and then drove afar/to Milan Well, she picked up from Georgia, moved to Kalamazoo Made her a fortune outa fools like you Met her a rich man who was married and had two kids She stoked that cat until he flipped his lid Mary Lou -- she took my watch and chain Mary Lou -- she took my diamond ring Mary Lou -- she took my Cadillac car Jumped in my Kitty and then drove afar

No no No no No no No no Cherry Cherry Pie-ie-ie-ie 17. The Man From Utopia 1:15 (Donald and Doris Woods)

• The Man From Utopia Stadio Communale, Pistoia, Italy July 8, 1982 FZ--lead vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocals Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Well, this is the story of a man who lived in Pistoia This is the story of a man who lived in Pistoia He was a funny little fella with feet just like I showed ya Well, he had a girl, and Tony got it for him Well, he had a girl, but Sanavio says he got it He did everything for him that she could do

Well, she came back to town about a week ago Told me she was sorry she had hurt me so I had a '55 Ford and a two dollar bill The way she took that man she gave me a chill Mary Lou -- she took my watch and chain Mary Lou -- she took my diamond ring Mary Lou -- she took my Cadillac car Jumped in my Kitty and then drove afar Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou) And Bernardo too (big fool, big fool) Ahh, Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou) Oh child you big fool (big fool, big fool) You did everything for him that you could do (Mary Lou, Mary Lou) You did everything for him that you could do (Mary Lou, Mary Lou) You did everything for him that you could do FZ: Awright, thank you for coming to the show, good night

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the original albums Original transcription for new material from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage mainly by Hans Hendriks and Patrick Neve Further corrections and additions by Román, Bossk (R), Patrick Neve, Niall Brennan, Derek Milhouse Gilger, Charles Ulrich, David Millman and Stu Mark

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 (Zappa, July 1992)

disc 1 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19.

The Downtown Talent Scout 4:01 Charles Ives 4:37 Here Lies Love (Martin/Dobard) 2:44 Piano/Drum Duet 1:57 Mozart Ballet (FZ/Mozart) 4:05 Chocolate Halvah (George/Estrada/FZ) 3:25 JCB & Kansas On The Bus #1 (Kanzus/Black/Kunc/Barber) 1:03 Run Home Slow: Main Title Theme 1:16 The Little March 1:20 Right There (Estrada/FZ) 5:07 Where Is Johnny Velvet? 0:51 Return Of The Hunch-Back Duke 1:44 Trouble Every Day 4:06 Proto-Minimalism 1:39 JCB & Kansas On The Bus #2 (Kanzus/Black/Kunc/Barber) 1:10 My Head? (MOI) 1:21 Meow 1:23 Baked-Bean Boogie 3:26 Where's Our Equipment? 2:29

20. FZ/JCB Drum Duet 4:26 21. No Waiting For The Peanuts To Dissolve 4:45 22. A Game Of Cards (FZ/Sherwood/Tripp/Underwood) 0:46 23. Underground Freak-Out Music 3:51 24. German Lunch (MOI) 6:42 25. My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama 2:11 disc 2 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13.

Easy Meat 7:38 Dead Girls Of London (FZ/Shankar) 2:29 Shall We Take Ourselves Seriously? 1:44 What's New In Baltimore? 5:03 Moggio 2:29 Dancin' Fool 3:12 RDNZL 7:58 Advance Romance 7:01 City Of Tiny Lites 10:38 A Pound For A Brown (On The Bus) 8:38 Doreen 1:58 The Black Page #2 9:59 Geneva Farewell 1:24

Arranged, produced, compiled and edited by Frank Zappa Recording engineers: John Judnich, Dick Kunc, Steve, Wally Heider, FZ & Mark Pinske Remix engineers: FZ, Bob Stone & Spence Chrislu Remix facility: UMRK

disc 1

Weasels Ripped My Flesh

1. The Downtown Talent Scout

McMillin Theater, Columbia University, NYC February 14, 1969

Fillmore Auditorium, San Francisco, CA June 24-25, 1966 FZ--lead guitar/vocal Ray Collins--harmonica Elliot Ingber--rhythm guitar Roy Estrada--bass Jimmy Carl Black--drums The kids are freaking out Everybody is goin' nuts The heat's out every night To call up names and kick their butts Well everytime you turn around You'll see some joker staring back He's got a secret tape recorder And a camera in a sack Pretending that he's just another Of the kiddies freaking out But they pay him off in acid 'Cause he's a downtown talent scout He's got your name And he's got your face He's got your ex-old lady's place He's here to see what's goin' down And they don't believe the things he's found The badges gleam and the minors scream The heat pulls on the scene They got no warrants in their pockets But that badge makes them supreme "You kids are smoking dandelions You're sniffing paper bags, baby You're dropping Good 'N Plenties We can tell; your posture sags Now line up here against the wall Your bodies frail and thin And open up your pockets While we dump the evidence in" Well they know that smoking flowers Won't win a case in court And they know that Good 'N Plenties Aren't the psychedelic sort But they tear your place apart Because they simply couldn't pass A chance to drag some freaks downtown For smoking devil grass Well you never get your day in court The food downtown is foul The day of trial you nearly die With maggots in your bowel But modern law and justice Has advanced to such a point That a jury trial is useless They simply take you to the joint 'Cause after all you look so freaky How could anyone believe That what you think and what you feel Comes close at all to what is real

FZ guitar Lowell George guitar/lead vocal Roy Estrada bass/vocal Don Preston keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner trumpet solo Ian Underwood alto sax, clarinet Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums Hands Up! POO-LAAHH! 3. Here Lies Love (Martin/Dobard) McMillin Theater, Columbia University, NYC February 14, 1969 FZ guitar Lowell George guitar/lead vocal Roy Estrada bass/vocal Don Preston keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner trumpet solo Ian Underwood alto sax, clarinet Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums Here lies love In a grave caused by jealousy Here lies love In a grave caused by jealousy Hate was the pall bearer And on the tombstone was written "Misery" It was a bad situation From the beginning to the end It was a bad situation From the beginning to the end I say, baby you killed my love Now the undertaker is your friend Now I'm sad and I'm blue There's not much I can do If these blues don't leave me The undertaker will get me too Oh oh, here lies love In a grave caused by jealousy You know that hate was the pall bearer And on the tombstone was written "Misery" 4. Piano/Drum Duet The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc Ahead Of Their Time 200 Motels Orchestral Favorites London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II

Blow your harmonica, son! 2. Charles Ives

The Ark, Boston July 8, 1969

Ian Underwood RMI electric piano Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums

5. Mozart Ballet -- Piano Sonata in B flat (FZ/Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart) Royal Albert Hall, London June 6, 1969 FZ conductor/vocal Noel Redding dance stylings Dick Barber rubber chicken strangulation Kanzus J. Kanzus biological masterpiece Roy Estrada bass, asthmatic laughter Don Preston electronics, injured chicken noises Buzz Gardner trumpet solo Ian Underwood acoustic piano solo Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood victim of evil experiments Jimmy Carl Black drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums FZ: While the well disciplined Ian Underwood plays selected fragments from Mozart's "Piano Sonata In B-flat" and we make electric noises, some members of our rocking teen combo will hop around on stage in a grotesque parody of the art of ballet dancing. Hey . . . double path! . . . Double path You get a double? Oh you have to carry him . . . Carry him? You have to carry him Come onover, you told to her, I mean . . . He looks fat! God, oh m' God! Where's the chicken? Bock! Bock! Be-REHH Bock! Be-REHH ACTION! Bock bock, be-REHH Boy, do I hate chickens! Bock bock, be-REHH Bock bock, be . . . SNORK SNORK . . . SNORRRRK . . . FZ: During this part of our extremely zany ballet, Don Preston disguised as a mad scientist will convert the unwilling Motorhead Sherwood into a walking zombie. Bock . . . bock, bock . . . bock . . . BOCK! No, let him get his smock on! 6. Chocolate Halvah (Lowell George & Roy Estrada/FZ) Thee Image, Miami, Florida February 7-8, 1969 FZ guitar Lowell George guiro/swami vocal 1

Roy Estrada bass/swami vocal 2 Don Preston keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums Hal-a-vah . . . Hal-a-vah Hal-a-vah . . . Hal-a-vah Hal-a-vah . . . Hal-a-vah A-hal-a-vah . . . Chocolate Hal-a-vah Chocolate Hal-a-vah Chocolate Hal-a-vah . . . Hal-a-vah . . . 7. JCB & Kansas On The Bus #1 (Kanzus, Black, Kunc & Barber) includes Lovesick Blues (Mills/Friend) Greyhound Tour Bus Interior 1969 voices: Jimmy Carl Black Kanzus J. Kanzus Dick Kunc Dick Barber JCB: Hands up! Kansas: Man, why's he got them two microphones taped together, what if we taped their dicks together? What would they say? Dick: Yeah, but you'd have a helluva time gettin' your pants on, I'll tell ya that . . . I got a feelin' called the blues, Oh lord, since my baby said goodbye (been gonnnnne) Dee dee dee dee Lord I don't know what I'll do (to dooo) All I do is sit and cry, oh lord Since my dead long days you said goodbye Well, lord, I thought I would die (The beer that made Milwaukee famous But the Braves didn't hurt it any) She do me, she do you She got that kinda lovin' Lord I love to hear when she call me sweet da-ay-ay-ddy 8. Run Home Slow: Main Title Theme The Old Masters Box One Mystery Disc The Lost Episodes McMillin Theater, Columbia University, NYC February 14, 1969 FZ guitar/conductor Lowell George guitar Roy Estrada bass/vocal Don Preston keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums

9. The Little March McMillin Theater, Columbia University, NYC February 14, 1969 FZ guitar/conductor Lowell George guitar Roy Estrada bass/vocal Don Preston keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums

10. Right There (Roy Estrada & FZ)

Oh, oh, oh . . . me Oh, yes . . . oh, yes . . . oh . . . ahh . . . hh . . . " Why don't you . . . I don't know why . . . Don't . . . oh, God, when you talk, I can't stand it! Right there, right there, right there, right there Right! Right! Right! Right there, right there Oh, right there Oh . . . Ah ah ah! Over there . . . Right there, right there, right there, right there Ha ha ha ha! (Oh, Bunk . . . ) "Oh yes . . . oh . . . ahh . . . Bunk . . . oh, God . . . Oh . . . oh . . . oh . . . Oh, yes . . . oh . . . ahhh . . . hh . . . " Pip . . . WAAAH!

The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc Thee Image, Miami, Florida February 7-8, 1969 and Criteria Studios, Miami, Florida February?, 1969 FZ guitar fx/conductor Lowell George guitar fx/vocal Roy Estrada bass/lunatic vocal Don Preston keyboards/electronics/tape playback Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax/vocal/documentary recordist Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax/vocal Jimmy Carl Black drums/vocal Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums/vocal Uh ha ha! Uh ha! Uh ha ha ha! Oh but . . . Oh God! Stop! Ha ha ha ha! Oh God! Oh God! Ha ha ha! Oh! Ha ha ha! Oh God! Gimme that Right . . . right there, right there! (Perfect! Perfect!) Right there, right there, right there! Oh oh oh ha ha! Ah ah ah ah ah! Ay ay ay ay . . . ay . . . Ah ah ay! Right there, right there, right there Ah, oh, God! Oh, God! AY! OH GOD! AY! Ah! Oh oh oh . . . Oh . . . ay . . . ay . . . (Oh, God, oh!) (God . . . God . . . oh . . . oh no . . .) (I mean it! I mean it!) "Oh, yeah . . . alright! Oh baby, right there . . .

"Oh, yeah . . . oh, yes . . . oh, yes . . . oh . . . Oh, yes . . . oh, yes . . . oh . . . that's good! Oh, yes . . . oh, wonderful . . . oh . . . Bunk . . . Oh, God . . . oh, no . . . no . . . aw . . . aw . . . " No, no, no More, more, more! More! More! "AHH . . . ah . . . ahh . . . oh, no . . . oh, no . . . no . . . ah . . . hh . . . hhh . . . " More . . . more, more, more More . . . more . . . More, more, more, more, more, more, more, more . . . (What, what we're gonna do, "All Night Long"?) FZ: Thank you! (We do "All Night Long" now?) Oh gosh, sure! Oh gosh! Oh oh . . . oh . . . POO-AAH . . . WAH! I feel so good! WAH! I feel so good! WAH! Uh ha ha ha ha . . . HANDS UP! 11. Where Is Johnny Velvet? The Factory, The Bronx, NYC February 13, 1969 FZ lead guitar/vocal Lowell George guitar/vocal Roy Estrada bass Don Preston keyboards Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums FZ: Thank you. Guy #1: No violence here, it's part of the evening . . . FZ: Would you like to come up here and sing with us? Come on, anybody can sing this stuff. Guy #2: Yeah, I bet . . . I wanna, I wanna think that stuff. FZ: You wanna what?

Guy #2: Think it. FZ: You wanna think it? Guy #2: Yeah, right. FZ: Why don't you make up some words for us and we'll sing 'em? Guy #3: Johnny Velvet on the loose Guy #4: Johnny Velvet! FZ: Where is Johnny Velvet? Guy #5: Where is him! Where's Johnny Velvet on now! Guy #6: Why don't you look inna Central Park? Guy #2: "Help I'm A Rock"! FZ: "Help I'm A Rock," you really want us to play that? Audience: Yeahhh! Yeah! No! No! Yeah! FZ: Yeah! No! Who gives a shit? Guy #?: Right!

No way to delay That trouble comin' every day Wednesday I watched the riot . . . I seen the cops out on the street Watched 'em throwin' rocks and stuff And chokin' in the heat Listened to reports About the whisky passin' 'round Seen the smoke and fire And the market burnin' down Watched while everybody On his street would take a turn To stomp and smash and bash and crash And slash and bust and burn

12. Return Of The Hunch-Back Duke Burnt Weeny Sandwich Fillmore East, June 1971 The Factory, The Bronx, NYC February 13, 1969 FZ lead guitar/vocal Lowell George guitar/vocal Roy Estrada bass Don Preston keyboards Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums

13. Trouble Every Day Freak Out! Roxy & Elsewhere Does Humor Belong In Music? The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life The Factory, The Bronx, NYC February 13, 1969 FZ lead guitar/vocal Lowell George guitar/vocal Roy Estrada bass Don Preston keyboards Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums Well I'm about to get sick From watchin' my TV Been checkin' out the news Until my eyeballs fail to see I mean to say that every day Is just another rotten mess And when it's gonna change, my friend Is anybody's guess So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin' Hopin' for the best Even think I'll go to prayin' Every time I hear 'em sayin' That there's no way to delay That trouble comin' every day

And I'm watchin' and I'm waitin' Hopin' for the best Even think I'll go to prayin' Every time I hear 'em sayin' That there's no way to delay That trouble comin' every day No way to delay That trouble comin' every day You can cool it, You can heat it . . . 'Cause, baby, I don't need it . . . Take your TV tube and eat it 'N all that phony stuff on sports 'N all those unconfirmed reports You know I watched that rotten box Until my head begin to hurt From checkin' out the way The newsman say they get the dirt Before the guys on channel so-and-so And further they assert That any show they'll interrupt To bring you news if it comes up They say that if the place blows up They will be the first to tell, Because the boys they got downtown Are workin' hard and doin' swell, And if anybody gets the news Before it hits the street, They say that no one blabs it faster Their coverage can't be beat And if another woman driver Gets machine-gunned from her seat They'll send some joker with a brownie And you'll see it all complete So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin' Hopin' for the best Even think I'll go to prayin' Every time I hear 'em sayin' That there's no way to delay That trouble comin' every day No way to delay That trouble comin' every day Well, I seen the fires burnin' And the local people turnin' On the merchants and the shops Who used to sell their brooms and mops And every other household item Watched the mob just turn and bite 'em And they say it served 'em right Because a few of them were white, And it's the same across the nation Black and white discrimination Yellin' "You can't understand me!"

'N all that other crap they hand me In the papers and TV and All that mass stupidity That seems to grow more every day Each time you hear some asshole say He wants to go and do you in Because the color of your skin Just don't appeal to him (No matter if it's black or white) Because he's out for blood tonight

Dub dab dab doo da down Dabbe doobbe doobbe Down down doo doo Dee dee dee dee Put that pistol down, babe Put that pistol down, girl Put that pistol down Kansas: Don't take your guns to town, Bill, if you do . . . ?: I got a [fartbun...] Roy: See my head here?

14. Proto-Minimalism McMillin Theater, Columbia University, NYC February 14, 1969 FZ guitar/conductor Lowell George guitar Roy Estrada bass Don Preston keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums POO-AHH! 15. JCB & Kansas On The Bus #2 (Kanzus, Black, Kunc & Barber) includes Pistol Packin' Mama (Al Dexter) Greyhound Tour Bus Interior 1969 voices: Jimmy Carl Black Kanzus J. Kanzus Dick Kunc Dick Barber JCB: Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh Kansas: That'll do you. JCB: My name's Kansas and . . . JCB & Kansas: I'm from Lyons. Kansas: The Lyons' lions. JCB: L.Y.O.N.S. Dick: You got any smokes? Kansas: Y'damn right. JCB: Huh? Dick: You got any smokes? JCB: What kind of smokes? Dick: Cigarettes. Kansas: Wanna Chester booger? JCB: What else did you think I meant, I got some cigars up there too, brother. Dick: No, I jes', Frank wanted to know if you had any Winstons. Anybody have any Winstons? JCB: No, I don't. Kansas: Gimme a Chesterfield. Dick: Does Motor have any more Winstons, I know he just bought a carton . . . JCB: I'll pass man. Kansas: Boy, I'm havin' another one. You can't beat another Chesterfield, like the 48 others. JCB: After 48 others. Kansas: Suck 'em right up. Euclid, get up! Dick: Let him sleep. Kansas: Fuck him, all he does is sleep. JCB: Dee dee do, do dab dewn

16. My Head? (All M.O.I. members) Sunset Sound Studios, Hollywood, California September 10, 1968 (Art Tripp's birthday) party animals: Roy Estrada Don Preston Ian Underwood Bunk Gardner Motorhead Sherwood Jimmy Carl Black Arthur Dyer Tripp III Roy: See my head? MY HEAD?!! Ha ha ha ha . . . Mother #2: No, no, no . . . Let's see if you can put your knees all the way up to your armpits, Art. Mother #3: Artie, Artie, Artie . . . Artie Mother #4: See, I'm getting . . . easier Roy: Suck, suck . . . suck forth Mother #5: Sit on his face girl. Roy: Suck it, suck it all over Suckit. Mother #3: Bunk Bunk: What? Mother #3: Stick it in Roy: Juice it, juice it Mother #3: Stick it in. Mother #4: Lemme, lemme see your cock. Mother #5: White skin women Mother #4: Oh God, oh, Jesus. Mother #5: Look at it man. Oh, yeah, oh, look at . . . Roy: One, two, three . . . Mother #5: Oh, look at that Roy: One two three? Is it succulent? Mother #5: She is so wonderful Mother #4: You grabbed, you grabbed a tuft of hair there . . . Oooh, I like it Mother #4: Do you? Ha ha ha . . . WOOF! Roy: Hooh-hoh-ha-ay, BRAP! Come up here, we're havin' a party. Roy: Oh Artie oh. Jizz you . . . FZ: Ha ha! Roy: Jizz you, Art! Mother #4: Gimme, gimme some another. Roy: Jizz you AYYYY Mother #4: You're gonna tear the fuckin buttons Roy: Jizz you AYYYY Roy: Jizz you Owwww. I didn't even believe it Mother #4: You didn't believe it? Roy: Jizz it . . . Oh, look at that. Boy I didn't believe it. Oh, that's good. I didn't even beleeve it. I didn't beleeeeve it.

How 'bout that, you're going to . . . All that hair coming out of me . . . Happy Birthday, Artie. Roy: How many humps do we give him? How many humps do we give him? Twenty four? Twenty four big ones. Roy: Twenty four big ones. Twenty four jizzers. Mother #3: Get one . . . and one to count. And one to grow on.

FZ first drum solo Jimmy Carl Black rhythm drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III second drum solo

21. No Waiting For The Peanuts To Dissolve solos probably from Trouble Every Day

17. Meow Whisky A-Go-Go, LA July 23, 1968

Thee Image, Miami, Florida February 7-8, 1969

FZ conductor Ray Collins tambourine/vocal Roy Estrada bass Don Preston keyboards/electronics Ian Underwood alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums

FZ second guitar solo Lowell George first guitar solo Roy Estrada bass Don Preston keyboards Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax solo Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums

Mmm-meow, Mmmm-meow, Mmmmmm-meow, Mmm-meow Poo-AHHH Poo-AHHH 18. Baked-Bean Boogie The Ark, Boston July 8, 1969 FZ lead guitar Roy Estrada bass Don Preston keyboards Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums

19. Where's Our Equipment? Falkoner Theatret, Copenhagen October 1, 1967 FZ conductor Ray Collins tambourine Roy Estrada bass Don Preston piano Ian Underwood alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Billy Mundi drums

20. FZ/JCB Drum Duet McMillin Theater, Columbia University, NYC February 14, 1969

So beerage cold, there's my, my all time favorite though, instantly. There's no waiting for the peanuts to dissolve. (That's 2.53) Somebody's . . . They don't have one of my all-time favorites. (Mary?) It's really upsetting, you know? (This gentleman here wants still, wants to drink a . . . ) 22. A Game Of Cards (FZ, Sherwood, Tripp, Underwood) Dressing Room, Providence, Rhode Island 1969 voices: FZ Motorhead Sherwood Arthur Dyer Tripp III Ian Underwood FZ: They're really getting professional now in the dressing room, waiting for the Vanilla Fudge to go off, Motorhead and Arthur Dyer Tripp the Third are playing cards. Art: Pair of queens! What is this shit? Motorhead: Pissy, pissy poop. Art: Can I go down with two cards? Motorhead: Pissy, pissy poop. Art: Do it this way. Give me a good chance buddy. Motorhead: I'll take that son'bitch. Art: You better not Motorhead: I took it. Art: Oh, you're running for a spade straight, are ya? Motorhead: I took IT! Art: Oh I got your number now. Art: Oh whaddaya know. Motorhead: I know it. Art: You have the other one I want? Motorhead: PRT! Art: I hear a buzztone. Motorhead: Wahhh-ha ha ha ha! Indio! You zink evvyzinnn be awright? Ian: Is this an accounting office? 23. Underground Freak-Out Music

The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc Thee Image, Miami, Florida February 7-8, 1969 FZ conductor/vocal Lowell George guitar Roy Estrada bass Don Preston keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner trumpet Ian Underwood alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums FZ: This is uh, underground, psychedelic, acid-rock freak out music. Yea-uh! POO-AAHH Immer ist der Himmel über alles Where are your papers? 24. German Lunch (All M.O.I. members) Criteria Studios, Miami, Florida February?, 1969 comedians: Lowell George main customs officer Jimmy Carl Black Roy Estrada Bunk Gardner Don Preston Motorhead Sherwood Ian Underwood Arthur Dyer Tripp III Buzz Gardner FZ Lowell: Uhh, may I see your papers pleez? JCB: Uhhh, lemme see. I'll try . . . Lowell: Hand me your suitcase, let, let me open it. JCB: I'm, I'm just a bit nervous, you understand. Lowell: Open ze suitcase. JCB: This hasn't happened, uh . . . too often. Lowell: Uh-huh, I see! JCB: See, I, I don't think you . . . Lowell: How many, sixty-two packages of cigarettes. Why are you carrying all zees into Germany for? What are you doing this for? JCB: I . . . I . . . Hey! Lowell: How long have you been livin' in Berlin? JCB: Uh, I don't live in Berlin. Lowell: Where do you live? JCB: I live in Texas. Lowell: Texas? JCB: Texas. Lowell: Oh I see, Lyndon Johnson lives in Texas too JCB: I know Lowell: Does he not? JCB: Sure does. Lowell: Oh, this is alright. JCB: You mind . . . Is it alright if I shut my suitcase off? Lowell: Shut it off??? (Laughters) JCB: Would you care for one of these cigarettes. Lowell: Now, who's this lady you are wizz? JCB: Uh, what lady? Lowell: This lady here, standing next to you.

JCB: Oh this is, this is uh . . . Lowell: Has she her papers too? JCB: Mrs. Tucker Lowell: PAPERS! Roy: Hello. Lowell: Lemme see your papers! Roy: Hi. JCB: How come you have to yell so much, what did we do? Lowell: I don't yell! JCB: We're just trying to get into the country. Lowell: This is my country. It's not your country.I'm coined here, I've been standing here for years and years doing zis every time. You, you're making me very angry. JCB: Is this the, is this ze Fazerland? Lowell: This is ze Fazerland, yes. (Background Voice #1: What's happenin'?) (Background Voice #2: I don't know what . . . ) FZ: Listen, you ought to check all the Mothers through customs. Hey, line, line up as soon as you're finishing going through customs . .. JCB: Are you uh, through with me, sir? Lowell: You may step over here to the right. JCB: Thank you. Lowell: My name is Fritz, open ze suitcase please Bunk: Just a moment here, just a moment. Lowell: Open . . . What is zis, there's sixty two copies of Horseshit Magazine. Bunk: (Cough) Ah, ha . . . Lowell: What are you carrying Horseshit Magazine around for? Bunk: It's a hoax, hold it, hold it here. Lowell: Where izzit? Roy: Right there, Bunk! Lowell: What is zis? Bunk: Hold it, hold it. Ha ha! Hold it . . . Roy: Right there! Right there! Bunk: I'll never forget you, Fritz Lowell: Alright, next, you may close zis now. Bunk: Alright. Lowell: Next. Who's up? Oh, here he comes. Who are you? You, hand me your paper. (Roy: All the paper?) Don: Here's my papers Lowell: Oh . . . (Background Voice: All ze paper) Lowell: Your name is Duke? What's this Duke here? FZ: Duke DeWild! Lowell: Duke, Duke DeWild. Have you seen many German movies, you ever go to ze movies? Have you been . . . Don: I never go to the movies Lowell: What is zis, you bring zees into Germany. (Background Voice: No wreck it all over . . . ) Lowell: These are Japanese tools. Why do you bring Japanese tools to Germany where we make the finest tools ever, you, what are you doing? Zat's . . . 60 marks for you, oh my God, what's the matter with you? Don: WARRGH . . . WARRGH . . Lowell: Oh my God, please Don: WARRGH-H-H-H . . . Lowell: Please not here. Don: WARRGHNN . . . Lowell: Step, oh my God, please . . . Don: UH . . .URGH . . . Lowell: Oh my God, OH AH UH . . . URGH! OH MY GOD! What are you doing? Ah! Lowell: Who are you, what is your name, hand me your paper. Is your name Larry? Larry Fanoga? Motorhead: Yezz. Lowell: Larry Fanoga? Motorhead: Larry Fanoga Lowell: Oh my God, what are you doing, what are you doing zat for? Motorhead: I'm beatin' da horz to make it go fazter.

Lowell: That's not a horse, that's a table. Motorhead: What's the difference? (Laughter) Motorhead: Don't go too fast, does it, for a table. Lowell: What is this? Ohhh, Zephiran! "CL brand of benzalkonium [...] present by [Ann Eglenut]" Ian: Sniff . . . Lowell: Ah, nasal spray. Ian: Sniff, that's right, sniff . . . Lowell: You have a cold? Ian: Sniff . . . Lowell: How long have you had a cold? Ian: About a year. Sniff. (Cough) Lowell: You had a cold for a year?! Ian: About. Lowell: Are you trying to bring a cold in . . . ? Ian: (COUGH) (COUGH) Lowell: Into zis country? Ian: (COUGH) Lowell: Oh my God, don't cough on me. Ian: (COUGH) Lowell: What does this medal say? Says, "Berlin Survival Award, 1968." Ian: That's where I got my cold. Lowell: You were here before in Berlin. Ian: That's right. Lowell: What, what were you doing in Berlin? Ian: We gave a concert Lowell: You gave a concert in Berlin? Ian: That's right. Lowell: To whom? Ian: The German people. Lowell: The German people Ian: Yes. Lowell: Don't take ze German people lightly, I say. Lowell: Who is this man here, is it Arzzur, Arzzur Tripp? Art: Arthur, Arthur Lowell: Arzzur. Tripp. Art: Yeah Lowell: It's a German name, is it not? Art: English Lowell: Tripp? Art: Ja. Lowell: Tripp? Art: Ja. Lowell: Is it, is it . . . JA?! Art: Ja, ja-ja . . . Lowell: Stop giggling! Art: Sorry. Lowell: You're having too much fun, you know we arrest people for having to much fun here. Art: I beg your pardon. Lowell: When you come to someone else's country do you run around on the grass and make it dirty everywhere you go? Art: No, I stick pretty close to the bars. Lowell: You know you people all look, you . . . bars? Art: You know . . . Lowell: We have a lot of bars here Art: Y'sure do. Heh-heh-heh Lowell: Oh . . . Art: Excuse me for laughing. Lowell: Don't laugh. Art: Alright, now, I'll do that. Lowell: Who is this man here, the other man? Art: Uh, he's our leader. Lowell: He is your leader? Art: Ja. Lowell: Wh-what is his function and how does he lead you? Art: He directs us by, with signals. Lowell: Why? . . . What? Art: Well, they're for various vocal noises that we use. Lowell: Vocal noises?

Art: Uh-huh. Lowell: What are some of ze noises? Art: Eh, peep. Lowell: Peep? Art: Poo-ahh. MOI: POO-AHHH! Lowell: I see you all are very well organised, we all like order in Germany, you know. Lowell: You have such a pleasant smile, may I see your papers? Buzz: Well, you see, I, I don't exactly have my papers with me, I, it seems . . . Lowell: You don't have papers? Buzz: I may have left them in my other bag. Lowell: In your . . . Officer #2: He has no papers, huh? Lowell: He has no papers. Officer #2: Ahh . . . Buzz: I mean if there was uh, if there was something I could do for you . . . Lowell: Do you have any identification? Buzz: Identification . . . Lowell: It's a nice watch you have on. Buzz: Lemme see . . . Officer #2: Was ist loss? Buzz: Well, it used to have a Mickey Mouse there, I don't . . . Lowell: I tell you what I'll do. If, if, if you give me zat watch . . . Buzz: NEIN! Lowell: You got . . . Officer #2: That's a very strange German accent. Lowell: Ja. (Laughter) FZ: Arrest him! Lowell: Are you sure . . . Officer #2: He was transport etwas FZ: He's a spy! Lowell: Are you sure you're not a Russian? He's a Russian, I zink. Officer #2: I think so. Lowell: Get Him. FZ: HANDS UP! Lowell: Oh God. Officer #2: What, what's goin' on? Lowell: You want an enema? Buzz: No I'll take a cheeseburger. Lowell: Why is the bow-tie growing from your neck? Buzz: I'm practicing to fly. Officer #2: What the, ahh . . . Lowell: Why is everyone in this group having bow-ties growing from ze neck? Buzz: They're all weird. Lowell: Gimme your watch. FZ: I still don't trust this guy's accent. Lowell: Who is this? Come here, come over here. Officer #2: Who's . . . who is . . . who? Lowell: Do you have a suitcase. Officer #2: We must watch this one. Lowell: We must watch this one, right. Let's open ze suitcase. Awright What is zis? Oh, you too carry many cigarettes. Ah, what is this lyrics? Ah these are lyrics? "My, my guitar want to kill you mama . . . " Officer #2: Mmm . . . Lowell: "My guitar wants to burn your dad, I get real mean when he makes me mad." This is, this is very good, this is very normal. German lyrics. You're welcome to our country. FZ: Ha ha ha. Lowell: Don't laugh. 25. My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama Weasels Ripped My Flesh You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 A & R Studios, NYC 1969

FZ lead guitar/vocal Roy Estrada bass Don Preston keyboards/electronics Ian Underwood alto sax Bunk Gardner tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III drums You know, your mama and your daddy Saying I'm no good to you They call me dirty from the alley Till I don't know what to do I get so tired of sneakin' around Just to get to your back door I crawled past the garbage and Your mama jumped out, screamin' "Don't come back no more" I can't take it My guitar wants to kill your mama My guitar wants to kill your mama My guitar wants to burn your dad I get real mean when it makes me mad (ay!) Later I tried to call you Your mama told me you weren't there She told me don't bother to call again Unless I cut off all my hair I get so tired of sneakin' around Just to get to your back door I crawled past the garbage and Your mama jumped out, screamin' "Don't come back no more" I can't take it My guitar wants to kill your mama My guitar wants to kill your mama My guitar wants to burn your dad I get real mean when it makes me mad (ay!)

Easy, easy, easy, easy Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat She wanna take me home Make me sweat and moan Rub my head and beat me off With a copy of Rollin' Stone . . . I knew she was Easy, easy, easy meat Easy, easy, easy meat Easy, easy, easy, easy Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat I told her I was late I had another date I can't get off on the Rollin' Stone But the robots think it's great . . . I knew she was Easy, easy, easy meat Easy, easy, easy meat Easy, easy, easy, easy Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat Easy She's so easy Easy I saw her tiny titties Through her see-through blouse Just had to take the girl to my house Easy Meat 2. Dead Girls Of London (FZ/L. Shankar) includes a quote from Approximate La Patinoire des Vernets, Geneva, Switzerland July 1, 1982

disc 2 Europe, Summer 1982: FZ lead guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocals Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums 1. Easy Meat Halloween Tinsel Town Rebellion includes quotes from Straight, No Chaser (Monk) and Thirteen La Patinoire des Vernets, Geneva, Switzerland July 1, 1982 Deranged Fan: That's right! Let's go! This girl is easy meat I seen her on the street See-through blouse an' a tiny little dress Her manner indiscreet . . . I knew she was Easy, easy, easy meat Easy, easy, easy meat

Can you see what they are Do you hear what they say People it is sad but true They dress really stupid but they think they're okay And they've got no use for you Oh the Dead Girls of London Why do they act that way? Maybe it's the water, mama Maybe it's the tea Maybe it's the way they was raised Maybe it's the stuff what they read in the papers Keeps 'em lookin' sorta half in a daze Oh the Dead Girls of London Why do they act that way? We're the Dead Girls of London We thinks we are fine We ain't hittin' on nothin' But the boutique frame of mind You see 'em dancin' at the Disco Every night like a bunch of little robot queens Makin' little noises full of fake delight But they're really just so full of beans Oh the Dead Girls of London Why do they act that way? We're the Dead Girls of London We thinks we are fine We ain't hittin' on nothin' But the boutique frame of mind

Boutique frame of mind Gee, I like your pants Boutique frame of mind Gee, I like your pants Boutique frame of mind Gee, I like your pants

What's new in Baltimore? What's new in Baltimore? 5. Moggio The Man From Utopia

3. Shall We Take Ourselves Seriously? includes a quote from Dawn (Go Away) (Gaudio/Linzer) La Patinoire des Vernets, Geneva, Switzerland July 1, 1982 Uhhh, Mike Scheller says his life is a mess Fritz Rau says asparagus Should only be consumed By people with a large amount In an unmarked bank account, fa fa fa fa fa fa Shall we take ourselves seriously? Shall we talk about it all night long? Shall we think we are so evolved? Will we be depressed If we're wrong? Shall we take ourselves seriously? Shall we take ourselves elsewhere? Shall we drink while we squat there In the middle of this stupid song? Shall we never go out there? Shall we take us where we don't belong When we notice the Spargel is gone? Shall we weep in the box office dawn (Go away I'm no good for you) Are the tickets all counted? Are the costs all accounted for? Shall we bring up the Spargel For discussion at least once more? Shall we take ourselves seriously? Shall we think we are so mature? Shall we be very wrong At the end of this song? Yes we will ever more 4. What's New In Baltimore? Frank Zappa Meets The Mothers Of Prevention Does Humor Belong In Music? La Patinoire des Vernets, Geneva, Switzerland July 1, 1982 Hey, what's new in Baltimore? (Rockin' Robin) Hey, what's new in Baltimore? (Hot Rod's Lips) Hey, what's new in Baltimore? What's new in Baltimore? Hey, what's new in Baltimore? (I don't know) Hey, what's new in Baltimore? (Better go back and find out) Hey, what's new in Baltimore? What's new in Baltimore?

La Patinoire des Vernets, Geneva, Switzerland July 1, 1982

6. Dancin' Fool Sheik Yerbouti Halloween includes a quote from Manx Needs Women La Patinoire des Vernets, Geneva, Switzerland July 1, 1982 I don't know much about dancin' That's why I got this song One of my legs is shorter than the other 'N both my feet's too long 'Course now right along with 'em Got no natural rhythm But I go dancin' every night Hopin' one day I might get it right I'm a dancin' fool (Dancin' fool) Dancin' fool I'm a Dancin' fool (Dancin' fool) Dancin' fool Hear that beat; jump outa my seat But I can't compete, 'cause I'm a Dancin' fool (Dancin' fool) Dancin' fool The disco folks all dressed up Like they's fit to kill Walk on in 'n see 'em there Gonna give them all a thrill When they see me comin' They all steps aside They has a fit while I commit My social suicide, I'm a Dancin' fool (Dancin' fool) Dancin' fool I'm a Dancin' fool (Dancin' fool) I'm a Dancin' fool The beat goes on But I'm so wrong The beat goes on But I'm so wrong The beat goes on but I'm so wrong The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong I may be totally wrong, but I'm a Dancin' fool, I may be totally wrong, but I'm a Dancin' fool

I got it all together now With my very own disco clothes My shirt's half open, just t'show you my chain 'N the spoon for up my nose I am really somethin' That's what you'd prob'ly say So smoke your little smoke 'N drink your little drink While I dance the night away, I'm a Dancin' fool (Dancin' fool) I'm a Dancin' fool I'm a Dancin' fool (Dancin' fool) I'm a Dancin' fool, HE'S A DANCIN' FOOL I may be totally wrong but I'm a I may be totally wrong but I'm a I may be totally wrong but I'm a I may be totally wrong but I'm a FOOL-uh! Say darlin' what's a girl like you doin' in a place like this? Do you come here often? And if so why? Wait a minute . . . I've got it . . . you're an Italian! (Ki-ni-shinai!) What? Yer Jewish? Love your nails . . . You must be a Libra . . . (Ki-ni-shinai!) Your place or mine? 7. RDNZL The Lost Episodes You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 Studio Tan Läther Intro: La Patinoire des Vernets, Geneva, Switzerland July 1, 1982 Guitar solo: Stadio Communale La Favorita, Palermo, Italy July 14, 1982

Advance romance I can't stand it no more She told me she loved me I believed what she said Took me for a sucker, boy All corn-fed The next thing I knew She had a bolt on the door Advance romance I can't use it no more, no, no more She took George's watch Like they always do (It was a Timex, too!) (WAH-HOO WAH-HOO-OO) (And ashamed on you) No more money, boy I shoulda knew The way she do me, boy She might do you, too The way she do me, boy She might do you, too The way she do me, boy She might do you, too Advance romance He wanna try one time Potato-head Bobby Was a friend of mine He opened three of his eyes In the food stamp line He opened four of his eyes In the food stamp line He opened five of his eyes In the food stamp line He opened six of his eyes In the food stamp line He said she might be the devil But she sure was fine Advance romance He wanna try it one time, yeah Later that night He drop on by He say all he wanna do Is come up and say "Hi" (HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI HI-HI) Half an hour later She had frenched his fry Advance romance Bobby, say good-bye 9. City Of Tiny Lites

8. Advance Romance Bongo Fury FZ:OZ You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Make A Jazz Noise Here Guitar La Patinoire, Bordeaux, France June 1, 1982 No more credit From the liquor store My suit is all dirty, boy My shoes is all wore I'm tired and lonely, my Heart is all sore

Sheik Yerbouti Make A Jazz Noise Here Les Arenes, Cap d'Agde, France May 30, 1982 City of tiny lites Don't you wanna go Hear the tiny auto horns When they tiny blow Tiny lightnin' In the storm Tiny blankets Gonna keep you warm Tiny pillows Tiny tiny ti-tiny sheets

Talkin' bout the tiny cookies That the peoples eat

11. Doreen You Are What You Is

Well, city of tiny lites Maybe you should know That it's over there In the tiny dirt somewhere You can see it any time When you get the squints From your downers and your wine You're so big It's so tiny Every cloud is silver line-y The great escape for all of you Tiny is as tiny do Tiny is as tiny do Tiny is as tiny do Tiny is as tiny do City of tiny lites Don't you wanna go Hear the tiny auto horns When they tiny blow Tiny lightnin' In the storm Tiny blankets, tiny blankets Are bound to keep you warm Tiny pillows Talkin' bout those tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny sheets Talkin' bout those tiny cookies That the peoples eats City of tiny lites Maybe you should know That it's over there Well, and It's over there Say, and It's over there Well, and It's over there 10. A Pound For A Brown (On The Bus) Uncle Meat Ahead Of Their Time Zappa In New York You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 The Yellow Shark Stadio Communale, Bolzano, Italy July 3, 1982 Waa-ooh-dow, wha-da-ba, pa-yap, pa-ee-ah-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa, padap, pa-yooh-pie-pie -- pah-yooh-p-pie-pap! Sha-sha-sha, shaa sha-sha-sha, Sha-sha-sha-sha-sha-sha-sure! Sha-sha-sha, sha-sha-sha, Sha-sha-sha-da-château free oh-doh-dah . . . Shu, shu, d-d-dow, weah, Da-da-dow, da-dee-ah, xa, She lie so should-d-do-do-doo, dzoo-dzo-dzo-dzoo, doo dzo-dzodzoo doo, dzo-dzo-dzoo-dat, whoo . . . Da-teau, a-zho-zhow-dow, Zho-zha-do-da chee, shu-sheh-due-shuew-dow sha, sha, sha-sha . . . Sha-t oh-ah oh-oh-oh t-ah oh-oh-ah uh-ah uh-ah tuh-ah tuh-out tuhow-oh t-oh-teh-t-out-tow-ow, T-to-dow, Shtu-shtu-shtoo! Sheh-sheh-sheduh-chew! Shoo-shee-doo-dah, yeah, sheh-shew da-duh sheh-shew da-duh sheh-naa . . . Voice: I don't know how, but we can see'em! We can see'em! I don't know how we can see them playing before . . .

Alte Oper, Frankfurt June 11, 1982 (early show) Coda probably from: Olympiahalle, Munich, Germany June 26, 1982 Doreen . . . don't make me wait Til tomorrow Oh-wo-no-oh-wo . . . Please darling Let me love you tonight An' it'll be awright You . . . can't make me say I don't want you Oh-wo-no-oh-wo . . . My heart Is burning with love And I want you tonight (Tonight) I really love you (I really love you) You make me feel good (You make me feel good) Please don't deceive me (Oh no . . . ) Doreen you know you should Stay with me always (Stay!) We could be lovers (Oh!) Doreen you're different Than all the . . . (oh!) others Doreen . . . don't make me wait Til tomorrow Oh-wo-no-oh-wo . . . Please darling Let me love you tonight An' it'll be awright You-you-woo . . . can't make me say I don't want you Oh-wo-no-oh-wo . . . My heart Is burning with love And I want you tonight (Said, girl, I . . . ) I want you tonight (Sweet Doreen) I want you tonight (You're gonna feel no pain, baby) I want you tonight (Sweet Doreen) (I WANT YOU TO . . . ) I want you tonight (Open up the door, baby) I want you tonight (Sweet Doreen, said I . . . ) I want you tonight (Oh, Doreen, oh, well) I want you tonight (Well) (YOU KNOW I WANT YOU TO . . . ) 12. The Black Page #2

Zappa In New York Läther Baby Snakes You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 Make A Jazz Noise Here Guitar includes the riff from Ya Hozna Olympiahalle, Munich, Germany June 26, 1982

La Patinoire des Vernets, Geneva, Switzerland July 1, 1982 translation FZ: Okay, if you throw anything else on the stage, the concert is over. Ray: Cherchez les personnes qui jettaient les cigarettes sur l'étage, s'il vous plaît. Et ne jettez pas les objets sur l'étage. Ne jettez pas les objets. Cherchez les personnes qui jettaient les cigarettes sur l'étage, s'il vous plaît. FZ: Houselights, the concert's over. Zappa! Zappa! Zappa! Zappa!

13. Geneva Farewell

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the original albums Original transcription for new material mainly by Hans Hendriks and Patrick Neve Ray White's scat transcription by Bossk (R) Further corrections and additions by Román, Bossk (R), Charles Ulrich, JWB and Patrick Neve

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 (Zappa, July 1992) 20. He's So Gay 2:34 21. Camarillo Brillo 3:09 22. Muffin Man 2:25

disc 1 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19.

The M.O.I. Anti-Smut Loyalty Oath 3:01 The Poodle Lecture 5:02 Dirty Love 2:39 Magic Fingers 2:21 The Madison Panty-Sniffing Festival 2:44 Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me? 4:01 Father O'Blivion 2:21 Is That Guy Kidding Or What? 4:02 I'm So Cute 1:39 White Person 2:07 Lonely Person Devices 3:13 Ms. Pinky 2:00 Shove It Right In 6:45 Wind Up Working In A Gas Station 2:32 Make A Sex Noise 3:09 Tracy Is A Snob 3:54 I Have Been In You 5:04 Emperor Of Ohio 1:31 Dinah-Moe Humm 3:16

disc 2 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14.

NYC Halloween Audience/The Illinois Enema Bandit 8:49 Thirteen (Shankar/FZ) 6:10 Lobster Girl (O'Hearn/Colaiuta/FZ) 2:20 Black Napkins 5:21 We're Turning Again 4:56 Alien Orifice 4:16 Catholic Girls 4:04 Crew Slut 5:33 Tryin' To Grow A Chin 3:33 Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance 3:46 Lisa's Life Story (Popeil/FZ) 3:05 Lonesome Cowboy Nando 5:09 200 Motels Finale 3:48 Strictly Genteel 6:56

Arranged, produced, compiled and edited by Frank Zappa Recording engineers: FZ, Kerry McNab, Mick Glossop, George Douglas, Bob Stone, Davey Moire, Joe Chiccarelli, Mark Pinske, Bob Liftin, Barry Keene Remix engineers: Bob Stone, Spence Chrislu, Joe Chiccarelli Remix facility: UMRK, Sun West Recorders

disc 1 1. The M.O.I. Anti-Smut Loyalty Oath Tully Gymnasium, Florida State University, Tallahassee, Florida October 9, 1970

(WEE-WEE) AND/OR PENIS ANY PLACE ON THIS STAGE. (AND/OR PENIS ANY PLACE ON THIS STAGE.) This does not include private showings in the motel room however. (This does not include private showings in the motel room, which is the Ramada Inn.) 2. The Poodle Lecture

FZ guitar/vocal Mark Volman vocal Howard Kaylan vocal Jeff Simmons bass George Duke keyboards Ian Underwood keyboards/alto sax Aynsley Dunbar drums

FZ:OZ Baby Snakes The Palladium, NYC October 30, 1977

Voice #1: Frank, the girls are comin' to get ya FZ: Great . . .

FZ lead guitar/vocal Adrian Belew guitar/vocal Tommy Mars keyboards Peter Wolf keyboards Ed Mann percussion Patrick O'Hearn bass Terry Bozzio drums

Emcee: Frank Zappa, Mothers Of Invention, hey! Girl #1: Frank! Sign us, please! Come on, please! Guy #1: Hi, man! Girl #1: Don't touch, I gotta get his autograph Girl #2: Hey Frank Guy #2: Frank! Mother: Testing, 1-2-3-4, testing Guy #3: Far fuckin' out! Girl #3: Wowie Zowie Aynsley: This is a test Mother: Oh, my hair is getting good in the back FZ: Okay, listen, this is very important, okay? Your attention please. An important public announcement: It is necessary for me to tell you at this point that there is a clause in our contract here tonight that says if anything nasty happens on stage, terrible things happen to us, so! Audience: Boooo! Boooo! FZ: We just, we just want to assure you that our only interest here is doing a swell job for you. Audience: Yay! FZ: However! It is also necessary to prove our good intentions before we begin by reciting our MOTHERS OF INVENTION ANTISMUT LOYALTY OATH. Audience: Yeay! Yeah! FZ: If the members of our rocking teen combo will please repeat after me:

FZ: In the beginning God made 'the light.' Shortly thereafter God made three big mistakes. The first mistake was called MAN, the second mistake was called WO-MAN, and the third mistake was the invention of THE POODLE. Now the reason the poodle was such a big mistake is because God originally wanted to build a Schnauzer, but he fucked up. Now a long time ago, the poodle used to be a very attractive dog. The poodle had hair evenly distributed all over its small piquant canine type BODY. That's the way it used to be, the poodle used to be a regular looking dog. You know it's true, I guess you do too. (Oh, I have to kiss you? Oh okay.) Anyway listen, check this out. The poodle used to look good, you know the regular dogs that used to hang out in the neighbourhood looked at the poodle, didn't think anything of it. You know, they didn't use to make fun of it in the olden days. But the WO-MAN, as you know, has always been much smarter than the MAN. Guy In The Audience: You're the best!

I, Frank (I, Jeff Simmons/Mark Volman/Howard Kaylan/Ian Underwood/George Duke/Aynsley Dunbar) Do hereby solemnly swear (Do hereby solemnly swear) In accordance with the regulations in the contract with this here rock & roll engagement (In accordance with regulations in the contract of this here rock & roll engagement) And the imbecilic laws of the state of Florida (And the IMBECILIC laws of the state of Florida) And respective regulations perpetrated by rednecks everywhere (And respective regulations perpetrated by REDNECKS EVERYWHERE) DO HEREBY SOLEMNLY SWEAR (DO HEREBY SOLEMNLY SWEAR) UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES (UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES) TO REVEAL MY TUBE (TO REVEAL MY TUBE) WAD (WAD) DINGUS (DINGUS) WEE-WEE

FZ: That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, okay. Now you're interrupting my story, now listen . . . What is that? Is that the Tower of Power or what? Oh no no, it's one of those dope fiend devices, take it away. Now listen: The WO-MAN has always been much smarter than the MAN, you know this is true. And so it was since the beginning of time. The MAN would do anything to get some pussy. And that's why the WOMAN always had control over him. In the beginning the WO-MAN looked the MAN directly into the eye and said: "I tell you what, why don't you go get a job because I could use a few nice things around the house. Mainly what I need is a clipper, a scissors, and a pair of zircon encrusted tweezers." (Thank you very much.) And of course the MAN did his duty as they say in the trade. He went out and he got a goddamn job. Went out and pushed that broom around for about a dollar-2.98 an hour, brought his money back to the garden of Eden and gave that money to the WO-MAN.

The WO-MAN ran out the back door of the garden of Eden, went directly to the hardware store, got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon encrusted tweezers and came back and, while the MAN was very tired from having his job, while he was sleeping, the WO-MAN got a hold of the POODLE. Because the WO-MAN had noticed earlier that the length and proportion of the poodle oral appendage, the tongue of the dog in other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very much to her liking, except that this dog had too goddamn much hair on it. It didn't have the disco look that's so popular nowadays. And so the WO-MAN sat out to modify the aforementioned dog. Let me get a little uh, visual aid . . . Now she took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit. You see, she took a little bit of the back-part here, around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies. Got all of the unwanted extranious material off this area which we shall call Burbank. Then she set the little sucker up like this, really nice, got his mouth set up like that. And squatted right ON HIM. Looking down into the dog's eyes. She looked down into the dog's eyes, do you know what she said to the dog? She said: 3. Dirty Love Over-Nite Sensation FZ:OZ Hammersmith Odeon, London February 18, 1979 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis guitar/vocals Denny Walley slide guitar/vocals Warren Cuccurullo guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocals Peter Wolf keyboards Ed Mann percussion Arthur Barrow bass Vinnie Colaiuta drums Give me Your dirty love Like you might surrender To some dragon in your dreams Give me Your dirty love Like a pink donation To the dragon in your dreams I don't want your sweet devotion I don't want your cheap emotion Whip me up some dragon lotion For your dirty love That dirty love That dirty love That dirty love Give me Your dirty love Like some tacky little pamphlet In your daddy's bottom drawer Give me Your dirty love I don't believe you never seen His book before I don't want your reservation I don't need your perspiration I only got one destination An' that's your dirty love

That dirty love That dirty love That dirty love (awright!) Give me Your dirty love (Ooh-hoo) Just like your mama Make her fuzzy poodle do Give me (Ow-haa) Your dirty love (Ooh-hoo) The way your mama Make that nasty poodle chew I'll ignore your cheap aroma And your little-bo-peep diploma I'll just put you in a coma With some dirty love That dirty love That dirty love That dirty love (Everybody poodle!) (Alright!) THE POODLE BITES! THE POODLE CHEWS IT! THE POODLE BITES! THE POODLE CHEWS IT! THE POODLE BITES! (Simulated merriment live in London) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! THE POODLE BITES! THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Little paws sticking up!) THE POODLE BITES! THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Little curly head!) THE POODLE BITES! (Little paws sticking up!) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! THE POODLE BITES! (And the little curly head) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (The little teeny weeny black poodle lips) THE POODLE BITES! THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Not a speck of cereal for my dog!) THE POODLE BITES! THE POODLE CHEWS IT! THE POODLE BITES! THE POODLE CHEWS IT! THE POODLE BITES! 'N THE POODLE CHEWS IT! THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie!) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! Awright . . . 4. Magic Fingers 200 Motels Halloween includes a quote from Louie Louie (Richard Berry) Berkeley Community Theater December 5, 1980 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar

Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bob Harris keyboards/vocals Arthur Barrow bass Vinnie Colaiuta drums Ooh, the way you love me, baby, I get so hard now I could die, aaahh! An' ooh, the way you love me, sugar, I get so hard now I could die (why don'tcha . . . ) Open up your pocketbook, Get another quarter out, Drop it in the meter, mama Try me on for size, yeah! Open up your pocketbook, Get another quarter out, Drop it in the meter, mama Try me on for size (say . . . ) Ooh, the way you squeeze me, honey, Red balloons just pop behind my eyes, say! Ooh, the way you squeeze me, girl, Red balloons just pop behind my eyes, oh! Open up your pocketbook, Get another quarter out, Drop it in the meter, mama Try me on for size (It ain't that big!) Open up your pocketbook, Get another quarter out, Drop it in the meter, mama Try me on for size Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooh Oh! You got that kind of love that lingers Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooh Hey girl! This here bed's got magic fingers Been a-rollin' on the bed since the show got out Now I'm gettin' weak in the knees Must have did it eighty, ninety times It might have been a hundred But you're the kind of girl that I really wanna please You're the kind of girl that I really wanna please (Oh, girl . . . hoo!) Do you really wanna please me? (You know I do) Ah, tell me why you do it I really wanna know (Well, it wouldn't be right For me to tell you tonight) You better tell me right away Or I dress up and go! (Don't get mad It ain't no big thing) You better tell me right away, Don't you treat me cold (HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT!) I'm holding it (It's good for you) I'm holding it (It's good for you) I'm really holding it (I know you're really holding it And it's so very very good for you I wish you'd let go off the pants now Oh, let go off the pants!) 5. The Madison Panty-Sniffing Festival

Dane County Coliseum, Madison, Wisconsin November 16, 1980 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bob Harris keyboards/vocals Arthur Barrow bass Vinnie Colaiuta drums FZ: Well it's contest time ladies and gentlemen. Direct from Madison, Wisconsin, it's the Madison Panty-Sniffing Festival, just as promised. Vinnie: Cough! FZ: Heavy duty? Guy From The Audience: Did it taste good? FZ: Maroon nylon heavy duty. Okay . . . Light blue cotton with tiny skid . . . . That's getting him very excited because it appears that the bottom parts of those pants are welded together. Okay let's try this, alice blue nylon . . . Vinnie: These smell like the same ones I had last night. FZ: For those of you who didn't hear he says those smell like the same ones he had last night. Did you like them? You don't like those? Vinnie: Maybe they are, maybe she's following us around. FZ: Black nylon! Vinnie: Ooooohhhh please! FZ: Black nylon, re . . . e-hem, registring a 19 on the Richter scale. Vinnie: Oh, God . . . gotta keep on . . . hah hah, it's fuckin' disgusting! FZ: These are very light blue and apparently have come in contact with some corrosive material that has eaten the bottom out of it. Vinnie: China syndrome. FZ: What? Vinnie: China syndrome! FZ: Yeah, ha ha ha ha ha! Awright, rustic hokey pokey, model number thirteen. Vinnie: Oorhh, nehh. (hack, hack) FZ: Blue with the little embroidered things on the front. Vinnie: This smells like armpits. Ugh . . . FZ: Okay who wins? Those belong to Chuck Eldridge. Ike: Hi. FZ: Sorry. 6. Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me? Zappa In New York Läther You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 includes a quote from The Twilight Zone (Constant) Towson Center, Maryland March 23, 1988 FZ lead guitar, computer-synth, vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar, vocal Mike Keneally rhythm guitar, synth, vocal Bobby Martin keyboards, vocal Ed Mann vibes, marimba, electronic percussion Walt Fowler trumpet, flugelhorn, synth Bruce Fowler trombone Paul Carman alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax Albert Wing tenor sax Kurt McGettrick baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet Scott Thunes electric bass, Minimoog Chad Wackerman drums, electronic percussion Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me

Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me He was the Playboy Type (he smoked a pipe) His fav'rite phrase was "OUTA-SITE!" He had an Irish Setter (Arf!) It was a singles bar, a Tuesday night The moon was dim, the band was tight They did the Bump together What a splendid sight (Roh-hon doon doon) Her teeth were white (Roo-teeh roo-teeh) The shorts were striped (it was Ladies Nite) He was glad that he met her He was an office boy (His name was Betty") Her fav'rite group was TWISTED SISTER (They discussed the weather) AAAH! Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Man! She was a lonely sort, just a little too short Her jokes were dumb and her fav'rite sport Was hockey (in the winter) (Mumble-mumble . . . He scores!)

And a whore (Whore whore whore . . . ) A bitch (Bitch bitch bitch . . . ) And a Republican (Republican!) And she slammed the door (The door!) In a petulant frenzy! (A petulant frenzy! This is a petulant frenzy! I'm petulant, And I'm having a frenzy!) On the sofa she weeps BOO HOO HOO HOO She weeps and she weeps BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO She weeps and she peeps Through the curtain He just got in his car But the battery's dead So he has to use the phone And she gives him some head And that's the sound of Long Island Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Man! Baby don't you want a man sometimes? 7. Father O'Blivion

He was duly impressed and was quick to suggest Any sport with a SCHMUCK had to be 'bout the best As he jabbed his elbow in her (get it honey? Get it honey?) (I mean that, I mean that) Later on they went off to where the music was soft, The candles were drippy, they saw a REAL HIPPY Who delivered their dinner (Hey . . . ) The rice was brown, and soon they found That the crowd around that had jammed the room, Well it seemed to be getting thinner Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Man! He took her home to a motor court (hey . . . ) She wouldn't kiss him, he tried to ignore it, But it made him angry! (You know it, I spent so much fuckin' money on you, An' you just make me look like an ASSHOLE!) He called her a pig (Pig pig pig . . . ) A slut (Slut slut slut . . . )

Apostrophe (') You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Hordern Pavilion, Sydney, Australia June 24, 1973 FZ guitar/vocal Sal Marquez trumpet Jean-Luc Ponty violin George Duke keyboards Ian Underwood woodwinds Ruth Underwood percussion Bruce Fowler trombone Tom Fowler bass Ralph Humphrey drums FZ: Ladies and Gentlemen, making his first Sydney appearance, maybe his second Sidney appearance, we don't know what he does in his spare time. Bring the band on down behind me, boys. Hold it. Father Vivian O'Blivion Resplendent in his frock Was whipping up the batter For the pancakes of his flock He was looking rather bleary (He forgot to watch the clock) Because the night before Behind the door A leprechaun had stroked his smock An' that set him off in such a frenzy He sang LOCK AROUND THE CROCK An' he topped it off with a WOO WOO WOO An' he topped it off with a WOO WOO

An' he topped it off with a WOO WOO As he stumbled on his COCK Oh Lord! He was delighted when it stiffened And it ripped right through his sock Oh, Saint Alfonzo would be proud of me He shouted down the block And as soon as he did that, A crowd of people gathered around. All the faithful Came right up to him. They wanted to look at the pink thing Sticking out from the bottom of his Tasteful discreet black nylon man-of-the-cloth type stocking. And there it was, and here it was, and he went, "hey hey," And they all went, "ho-ho." And he calmed them With a gesture that he'd learned At an extension course in divinity school He gave 'em one of these, And then he went, And then he went, He gave 'em a few Dominus Vobiscums They shut right up He sat right there very still And then he looked them all in the eye Every last one of 'em He gazed at everyone of 'em And he looked them all in the eye And he turned to 'em each and everyone Each in his, each in his own words, each in his own way And he turned to 'em and he said: 8. Is That Guy Kidding Or What? Sheik Yerbouti You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Baby Snakes The Palladium, NYC October 30, 1977 FZ lead guitar/vocal Adrian Belew guitar/vocal Tommy Mars keyboards Peter Wolf keyboards Ed Mann percussion Patrick O'Hearn bass Terry Bozzio drums Awright. See that? That's what you call a new song. When I'm gonna stand up here and read the son of a bitch while I'm doing it. We figured that this is a good place to do this song. It's only been performed once before and that was the, the evening after it was actually written in uh, Boston. I'll tell you the story of this song. This is called CREATIVE DEVIATION FROM THE NORMAL PART OF THE PROGRAM, simply because you trust the audience's good taste so much that you know that even if the band fucks up they'll go along with it. Awright. Because, ladies and gentlemen, this song has an important message and I believe this message has to be brought to the people of this great metropolitan area. Awright, now check this out. How many of you people feel that ROCK has gotten entirely TOO PREPOSTEROUS? I see that you're not all convinced. Some of you believe that ROCK is REAL. I can see that there was probably about 20 percent of the audience has had it up to here, and the rest of you people still believe in that shit. Okay, well this is dedicated to the rest of you people that still believe in that shit. Now check this out: How d- how do you rationalize the appearance of an album entitled I'm In You? I mean, wha . . . what, what is that? Is that guy kidding? (What, I gotta kiss you again? Okay.) Really,

look, all kidding aside, folks. Let's think about the world of rock, just for a moment. Some of you already have those cute little shirts on that say "disco sucks," right? That's not all that sucks. 'Course Warner Brothers sucks, but besides Warner Brothers there are other things about this business that really suck. One of 'em is the way in which the subject of LOVE is dealt with in the lyrics of various 'serious rock artists,' the intensive-care contingent of the rock world. These people, these people are FUCKED UP, I mean, they're really FUCKED UP. Because see, love isn't the way they're telling you about it, you know, they're telling you wrong. I'm gonna tell you right, you see. Now all of the ladies in the audience, you get to have fantasy time. This is female fantasy hour. Okay? You're a teen-age girl, right? You have abducted the succulent popstar of your choice, right? You have taken the aforementioned popstar, who is really cute and Aryan and eats a lot of crumpets, back to your teen-age room. That's right, spindle twice. You have taken this turkey back to your room, you have laid on your teen-age bed, you have put your teen-age legs up in the air, you have actually taken your own teen-age pants off. You have the teen-age red bulb on, right next to the bed. The curtains are drawn, it's dark, it's midnight. You put on a Phoebe Snow record, you're really relaxing. Tears come to your eyes, you are sensitive, you are in love. The popstar of your choice takes off his pants and climbs on top of you, and the next thing you know you hear this little voice in your ear and it says: "I'M IN YOU!" 9. I'm So Cute Sheik Yerbouti Santa Monica Civic Auditorium December 11, 1980 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bob Harris keyboards/vocals Arthur Barrow bass Vinnie Colaiuta drums Aw, I knew you'd be surprised . . . One Two Three Four! Ain't it sorry Ain't it sad So many ugly people I feel bad I'm so cute They're so homely Some of them At home 'n lonely Wish they could be Very cute like me They will never Get to be Some folks got it Some folks don't Some so ugly They never won't Everybody See my hair See my clothes I'm sure you care Vinnie C Is really neat Watch the way he sniff that seat (That's really good. What're you gonna do next?)

Sweet as honey He's a piece of cake Gonna start yer sausage As he did bake Vitamin pills He never takes Watch him while his nostrils break Nostrils break Nostrils break They must be fake Oh I'm so subdued Ted Nugent . . . y'know? 'N I was really digging that fucking steak. And all of a sudden the pigs came and I bailed on the stench A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen A-rennda-rennda-rahhh A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen A-rennda-rennda-rahhh A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen A-rennda-rennda-rahhh A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen A-rennda-rennda-rahhh Ugly is bad And bad is wrong And wrong is sinful And sin leads to eternal damnation An' hot burnin' fire Hot burnin' fire Hot burnin' fire Hot burnin' fire Screams of agony Screams of agony Screams of agony Screams of agony Arrrrrrghhhhhhh! Ahh . . . ahh . . . 10. White Person Hemmerleinhalle, Neunkirchen am Brand, Germany February 25, 1978 FZ lead guitar Adrian Belew guitar/vocal Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Peter Wolf keyboards/vocal Ed Mann percussion/vocal Patrick O'Hearn bass/vocal Terry Bozzio drums/vocal . . . ahh . . . Golf . . . shoes (Sport shirt!) White Person (BLOW-JOB) Come on sailor give us a kiss. Come on honey. You know I love you. Shit hook (alright!) Shit hook Shit-hook . . . shit-hook (BLOW-JOB) Shit hook

(BLOW-JOB!) Shit hook? (BLOW-JOB) Shit hook (BLOW-JOB!) White person! (BLOW-JOB) Ha ha . . . A white person Shit hook Golf shoes A white person (Sport shirt!) (Boyfriend) White Person Shit hook White person (Boyfriend) White person It . . . per . . . son It was a white person Shit-hook, shit-hook (Sport shirt . . . ) AAAAAH . . . (BLOW-JOB) Shit hook White Person Golf shoes (Boyfriend!) (Sport . . . shirt!) (Boyfriend!) (Sport . . . shirt!) White Person (Boyfriend) White Person (BLOW-JOB) White per . . . white (BLOW-JOB!) White person! (Sport shirt!) AAAAAAHHH . . . AWWWWWWWW . . . 11. Lonely Person Devices speech over the vamp from Black Napkins Tivolis Koncertsal, Copenhagen, Denmark March 3, 1976 (early show) FZ guitar/vocal Napoleon Murphy Brock sax/vocals André Lewis keyboards Roy Estrada bass Terry Bozzio drums Has anybody ever seen Ms. Pinky? (Yeahhh, wow!) Hey, now you're gonna know what I'm talking about. We're gonna dedicate this whole song to Ms. Pinky. For those of you who don't know about Ms. Pinky: We recently visited that colorful country Finland, and were met at the airport by a gentleman named Erik. Erik sees us everytime we go to Finland, he's a very nice person. He collects autographs and gives us presents. And when we left Finland, Erik gave me a magazine to read on the airplane, it was one of his favorite books. Now a lot of people have heard quite a bit about Danish pornography, but have you ever heard of Finnish pornography? It's real different. He gave me a Finnish pornographic magazine that had some girls in it that I couldn't even believe that they would take

pictures of 'em. There was one or two in there that looked like Grace Slick but the rest of 'em were hurtin', really hurtin'. And of course the quality of the color photography was just a little bit too far in the red direction, you know, they printed too much red and they were showing a lot of girls with red shoes, big like this. But when it got down to the business-like details of that interesting zone between the legs these hunks of meat hanging down from the little bushes of hair all looked like they were horribly infected! Anyway, thumbing through the magazine, there was an advertisement in there for a product, it's a lonely person product, and I know you have quite a few lonely person products here in Denmark: There's so many shops that are dedicated to the needs of the lonely German, the lonely Italian, the lonely American and the lonely Spanish person that drifts into your territory. Now, there are many lonely person products, you know, the most basic of all of these is the vibrator. And uh, it, it can be very usefull and entertaining used properly. But when you start branching out to little things like Rover's Reamer . . . Has anybody ever seen Rover's Reamer? It's a plastic dog dick about this long with a crank in the end of it. Now that is definitely a lonely person product, and Ms. Pinky is another one of those special lonely person products. Ms. Pinky is shorter than the average girl because she doesn't have a BODY, all she's got is a HEAD. She's got a rubber head and her eyes are closed and her mouth is WIDE OPEN an she's got her lips rolled back over her teeth so she doesn't hurt you very much. And she's washable. So we're gonna dedicate this song to Ms. Pinky for all the good work that she has done for everybody who sent away for her in the Finnish magazine, and especially for the guy in the back who has probably got Ms. Pinky sitting in his lap right now, tucked away underneath of his overcoat, just down there, having a good time . . . 12. Ms Pinky Zoot Allures Thing-Fish Santa Monica Civic Auditorium December 11, 1980 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bob Harris keyboards/vocals Arthur Barrow bass Vinnie Colaiuta drums I got a girl with a little rubber head Rinse her out every night just before I go to bed She never talk back like a lady might do An' she looks like she loves it every time I get through And her name is P-I-N-K-Y P-I-N I cry K-Y don't be shy $69.95, boy Give her a try Her eyes is all shut in an ecstasy face You can cram it down her throat, people, any old place Throw the little switch on her battery pack You can poot it, you can shoot it till your wife gets back And her name is P-I-N-K-Y P-I-N, I cry K-Y, don't be shy

$69.95, boy Give her a try I got a girl with a little rubber head Rinse her out every night just before I go to bed She never talk back like a lady might do An' she looks like she loves it every time I get through And her name is P-I-N-K-Y P-I-N, I cry K-Y, don't be shy $69.95, boy Give her a try $69.95, boy Give her a try (hey . . . ) $69.95, boy Give her a try (Your ideal computer date is here and available now.) 13. Shove It Right In 200 Motels Fillmore East, NYC June 5-6, 1971 FZ guitar Mark Volman vocal Howard Kaylan vocal Jim Pons bass/vocal Bob Harris keyboards Ian Underwood keyboards/alto sax Aynsley Dunbar drums She painted up her face She sat before the mirror She painted up her face She drew the mirror nearer Practisissing, Practiss, Practicing! The STARE! (The STARE!) The STARE! (The 'SECRET STARE'!) (The 'secret stare' she would use If a worthy-looking victim should appear) (Say!) Practisissing, Practiss, Practicing! (Ah-hoo-ah-hoo-ah-hoo-ahhhh) Practisissing, Practiss, Practicing! The clock upon the wall Has struck the midnight hour! She finishes her call; Her girlfriend's in the shower Practisissing, Practiss, Practicing! Half a dozen provocative squats! Out of the shower, she squeezes her spots; Brushes her teeth; Shoots a deodorant spray up her twat . . . (It's getting her, getting her Hot--Oh-woh-woh-woh-woh-woh) She's just twenty-four And she can't get off, A sad but typical case, yeah Last dude to do her Got in and got soft;

She blew it, And laughed in his face, yeah! Face, yeah! Yeah (yeah . . . )

Ah, let me see your thumb (Let me see your thumb) Yeah, let me see your thumb (Let me see your thumb)

She chooses all the clothes She'll wear tonight to dance in, yeah! The places that she goes Are filled with guys from groups, (Yeah-yeah-yeah) Waiting for a chance to break her pants in

Ah, let me see your thumb (Let me see your thumb) Ah, let me see your thumb (Let me see your thumb)

PROVOCATIVE SQUATS! (gum-me-on-m'lung-a) PROVOCATIVE SQUATS! (gum-me-on-m'lung-a) PROVOCATIVE SQUATS! (gum-me-on-m'lung-a) PROVOCATIVE SQUATS! (gum-me-on-m'lung-a) Well, at least there's sort of a choice there; Twenty or thirty at times there have been-Somewhat desirable boys there-Dressed really spiffy, with long hair-Waiting for girls they can shove it right in Well, at least there's sort of a choice there; Twenty or thirty at times there have been-Somewhat desirable boys there-Dressed really spiffy, with long hair-Waiting for girls they can shove it right in That's right, shove it right in. And pull it right out! And shove it in again. 14. Wind Up Workin' In A Gas Station FZ:OZ Zoot Allures The Spectrum, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania October 29, 1976 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Bianca Odin keyboards/vocal Eddie Jobson keyboards Patrick O'Hearn bass Terry Bozzio drums/vocal This here song might offend you some If it does, it's because you're dumb That's the way it is where I come from If you've been there too, let me see your thumb Let me see your thumb (Let me see your thumb) Oh, let me see your thumb (Let me see your thumb) Ah, let me see your thumb (Let me see your thumb) Oh, let me see your thumb (Let me see your thumb) Ah, let me see your thumb (Let me see your thumb) Yeah, let me see your thumb, now (Let me see your thumb)

Ah, ah, let me see your thumb (Let me see your thumb) Ow! Ah, let me see your thumb (Let me see your thumb) Oh, let me see your thumb (Let me see your thumb) Yeah, let me see your thumb, now (Let me see your thumb) Yeah, let me see your thumb, now (Let me see your thumb) Oh, let me see your thumb (Let me see your thumb) Well . . . Show me your thumb if you're really dumb Show me your thumb if you're really dumb Show me your thumb if you're really dumb Show me your thumb if you're dumb (Yes, show me your thumb if you're dumb!) Hey now, better make a decision (You better make a decision) Be a moron and keep your position (You better keep your position) You oughta know now all your education (Know all your education) Won't help you no-how, you're gonna . . . Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station Pumpin' the gas every night Pumpin' the gas every night Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station Pumpin' the gas every night Pumpin' the gas every night, oh! Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station Manny the Camper wants to buy some white (Wind up workin' in a gas sta . . . Fish!) (Wind up workin' in a gas station) Manny the Camper wants to buy some white (Wind up workin' in a gas sta . . . Fish!) (Wind up workin' in a gas station) Manny the Camper wants to buy some white (Wind up workin' in a gas sta . . . Fish!) (Wind up workin' in a gas station) Manny the Camper wants to buy some white (Wind up workin' in a gas sta . . . Fish!) Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station Wind up workin' in a gas station

15. Make A Sex Noise

17. I Have Been In You

Broome County Arena, Binghamton, NY March 17, 1988

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Sheik Yerbouti

FZ vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar, vocal Mike Keneally rhythm guitar, synth, vocal Bobby Martin keyboards, vocal Ed Mann vibes, marimba, electronic percussion Walt Fowler trumpet, flugelhorn, synth Bruce Fowler trombone Paul Carman alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax Albert Wing tenor sax Kurt McGettrick baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet Scott Thunes electric bass, Minimoog Chad Wackerman drums, electronic percussion

The Palladium, NYC October 29, 1978

FZ: Now ladies and gentlemen, we don't normally do this but just because this is Saint Patrick's Day, this is our special Saint Patrick's Day program, and I even wear a green shirt and everything. We wanna try and work a little bit of, well let's just say Home Grown Irish Flavor into this program. Now bring the band on down behind me boys, this is really quite technical. You understand that each ethnic group has characteristics, and these characteristics are generally made fun of by other ethnic groups. Now I happen to feel that the Irish people in this country have gotten a "bum rap," to use a common expression. Many people feel that Irish people in America simply aren't sexy. Now in order to dispell the ethnic myth that people of the Irish persuasion are not particulary sexy, we are going to make it possible for volunteers from the audience tonight to demonstrate just how hot they are. Now what I would like to have, I would like to have at least four girls who think they are Irish to come up here . . . no, they have, no no no, they have to be volunteers, you have to volunteer for this, it can't be under duress. I, no, let me explain, this is very scientific, we need two more. Okay heh, you all think you're Irish, right? OK, ok. Now listen, quiet please, this is very very scientific. That's right. In order to prove that you are genuinely hot we're going to give you, each and every one, an opportunity to make a sex noise with musical accompaniment. And so: Make a sex noise! (Say) Make a sex noise! Make a sex noise! Make a sex noise! Make a sex noise! Make a sex noise! FZ: Now, I'm not sure that each and everyone of these contestants is truly Irish in the biblical sense of the word, but I think we have to give them credit for coming up here and representing the Irish people in Binghamton tonight. Especially when you realize that that's about the only form of safe sex left in America. Ike: Hah hah hah!

FZ lead guitar/vocal Denny Walley slide guitar/vocals Tommy Mars keyboards/vocals Peter Wolf keyboards Ed Mann percussion Arthur Barrow bass Patrick O'Hearn bass Vinnie Colaiuta drums I have been in you, baby You Have been in me And we Have be So intimately Entwined And it sure was fine I have been in you, baby You Have been in me And so you see We Have be so together I thought that we would never Return from forever Return from forever Return from forever . . . You Have been in me And understandably I have been in 'n outa you (In 'n outa you, in 'n outa yoo-oo-ou) An' everywhere You want me to (In 'n outa yoo-oo-oo-ou) Yes, you know it's true; And while I was inside I mighta been Undignified And that is maybe Why you cried I don't know Maybe so, But what's the difference now?

16. Tracy Is A Snob Salt Lake City, Utah December 3, 1980 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bob Harris keyboards/vocals Arthur Barrow bass Vinnie Colaiuta drums One more time for the world! One more time for the world!

I have been in you, baby You have been in me Aw' little girl, there ain't no time To wash yer stinky hand Go 'head 'n roll over I'm goin' in you again In you again In you again Well, in you again . . . I'm goin' in you again-ahhh In you again, ah! In you again-ahhh In you again, ah! In you again-ahhh In you again, ah!

I'm goin' in you again-ahhh In you again, ah! FZ: Well little girl I told you I was goin' in you again and I wasn't lyin', or was I? No I could hardly resist going in you, because ever since I started writing love songs and everything and . . . You know it's very difficult when you're English not to write love songs because, uh . . . Guy In The Audience: Sensitive! FZ: What? Guy In The Audience: So sensitive! FZ: That's right, if you are English, you are, you are very sensitive. That's one thing I've noticed being an English person. In fact I've been an English person for almost five minutes now during this song and my sensitivity has increased to the point where, I don't know, maybe it's just all of our traditions: the tea, Winston Churchill, his large lips and everything. This kind of stuff why you start accummulating all of this civilization behind you and you know, what can you say, if you're English you're really fantastic, aren't you? So darling, it should come as absolutely no surprise to you that I went back to your little teen-age room and climbed on top of your teen-age body and took all of my English teen-age clothes off, and, you know, stuck my little lips up next to your ear and said: "I'M IN YOU! I'M IN YOU! I'M IN YOU! I'M IN YOU!" But I don't want you to get it wrong, you know. I don't, I don't just come over here and stick it IN YOU and IN YOU and IN YOU because I like you. It's not because . . . it's not even physical, I only do it, and remember taxes are really bad in England, the only reason I do it is to sell records. And I hope you'll understand . . . I'm going in you again (I'M IN YOU), baby You can go in me too, (I'M IN YOU) I'm goin' in you again, baby 'N later when we get through, GUESS WHAT? I'm goin' in you again, well In you again, ah! In you again I'm goin' in you again, ah! In you again I'm goin' in you again, ah! In you again I'm goin' in you again, ah! 18. Emperor Of Ohio Salt Lake City, Utah December 3, 1980 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bob Harris keyboards/vocals Arthur Barrow bass Vinnie Colaiuta drums Hail Caesar! Emperor of Ohio! Zits! Torpedo! 19. Dinah-Moe Humm Over-Nite Sensation Have I Offended Someone? FZ:OZ Baby Snakes Halloween includes a quote from Let's Dance (Bowie)

Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984 (including last section of previous track) except end from: The Pier, NYC August 26, 1984 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums Couldn't say where she's coming' from, But I just met a lady Dinah-Moe Humm Strolled on over, said look here, bum, I got a forty-dollar bill says you can't make me cum (No way, y'jes can't do it) She made a bet with her sister who's a little bit dumb She could prove it any time all men was scum (I say scum!) I don't mind if she called me a bum, But I knew right away she was really gonna cum (So I got down to it) I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb An' applied rotation to her sugar plum I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb Still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm, Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Humm Where's this Dinah-Moe Comin' from I done spent three hours An' I ain't got a crumb From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe From the Dinah-Moe Humm Got a spot that gets me hot An' you ain't been to it (tell!) Got a spot that gets me hot An' you ain't been to it I got a spot that gets me hot You ain't been to it I got a spot that gets me hot You ain't been to it 'Cause I can't get into it Unless I get out of it (It dices, it slices) An' I gotta get out of it Before I get into it (It purées, it frappés) 'Cause I can't get into it Unless I get out of it (It blends and malemutes) An' I gotta get out of it Before I get into it (But that's not all) (She looked over at me with a glazed eye And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area And she said . . . and here's what she said . . . ) (What'd she say?)

Just get me wasted An' you're half-way there 'Cause if my mind's tore up, Well, then my body don't care I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin An' said my-my-my What sort of thing Might this lady get high upon? The forty-dollar bill didn't matter no more When her sister got nekkid an' laid on the floor She said Dinah-Moe might win the bet But she could use a little (NAVY) Prince if I wasn't done yet I told her . . . Just because the sun Want a place in the sky No reason to assume I wouldn't give her a try So I pulled on her hair Got her legs in the air An' asked her if she had any cooties on there (Whaddya mean cooties! No cooties on me!) She was buns-up kneelin' BUNS UP! I was wheelin' an dealin' WHEELIN' AN' DEALIN' AN' OOOOH! She surrendered to the feelin' SHE SWEETLY SURRENDERED Started in to squealin' Dinah-Moe watched from the edge of the bed With her lips just twitchin' an' her face gone red Some drool rollin' down From the edge of her chin While she spied the condition Her sister was in She quivered 'n quaked She clutched all over herself Her sister made a joke About her mental health Until Dinah-Moe finally Did give in But I told her All she really needed Was some discipline, I said . . . Kiss my aura . . . Dora . . . That's right . . . because it's real angora Would y'all like some more-a? Right here on the flora? An' how 'bout you, Fauna? Do you wanna? 20. He's So Gay

Ray White guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums He's so gay (He's so gay) (YEAH) He's very very gay He's so gay (He's so gay) (HE'S GAY) And he likes to be that way With his keys on the right He's into rubber every night He's so gay He's ALMOST EVERYONE TODAY He's okay (He's okay) He's got a role he wants to play He's okay He's just a cowboy for a day 'Course, his evening's not complete Without some meat in the seat; Let's skate away Down Santa Monica today (Well well well) Maybe he wants a little spanking Maybe he'll eat a little chain Maybe his lover should be thanking him For the way he makes it sprinkle Into drops of GOLDEN RAIN UH-OWWW . . . (Let's mine the harbour . . . ) He's so gay (He's so gay) He rules the city in a way You could say (You could say) It's sorta different today All the taffeta and chintz And every Leather Boy's a PRINCE Hey hey hey! Please don't look the other way You could be just like him TOMORROW! Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh! Mah-mah-mah-mah-mah-mah Maybe you'll get a chance To borrow (Borrow) His bouquet (mmmh . . . ) And maybe later . . . MAYBE LATER We'll ALL BE GAY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y!

Thing-Fish Have I Offended Someone?

DO YOU REALLY WANNA HURT ME? MOO-AHHH!

includes a quote from Do You Really Want To Hurt Me (Hay/Moss/Craig/O'Dowd)

21. Camarillo Brillo

The Pier, NYC August 26, 1984 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis guitar/vocal

Over-Nite Sensation FZ:OZ Halloween

includes quotes from Iron Man (Iommi/Osbourne/Butler/Ward) and Don't Cry For Me Argentina (Rice/Webber) Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984 FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums She had that Camarillo brillo Flamin' out along her head, I mean her Mendocino bean-o By where some bugs had made it red She ruled the Toads of the Short Forest And every newt in Idaho And every cricket who had chorused By the bush in Buffalo

(Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!) Just like a shadow from the tomb She said her stereo was four-way, oh yeah! (Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!) An' I could eat some broccoli up in her room Well, I was born To have advenchum (Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!) So I just followed up the steps Right past her fuming incense stencher (Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!) To where she hung her castanets I chewed my way Through her rancid panocha (Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!) And she laid buck nekkid Over by the door We did it till we were sort of unconcho, so to speak (Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!) Yes, and it was useless anymore Aw yes, it was useless anymore Aw yes, it was useless anymore 22. Muffin Man

She said she was A Magic Mama And she could throw a mean Tarot And carried on without a comma That she was someone I should know

Bongo Fury FZ:OZ Halloween Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984

She had a snake for a pet And an amulet And she was breeding a dwarf But she wasn't done yet She had gray-green skin A doll with a pin I told her she was awright But I couldn't come in (actually, I was very busy then) And so she wandered Trough the door-way Just like a shadow from the tomb She said her stereo was four-way An' I'd just love it in her room Well, I was born To have adventure So I just followed up the steps Right past her fuming incense stencher To where she hung her castanets She stripped away Her rancid poncho An' laid out naked by the door We did it till we were un-concho An' it was useless any more She had a snake for a pet And an amulet And she was breeding a dwarf But she wasn't done yet She had gray-green skin A doll with a pin I told her she was awright But I couldn't come in And so she wandered Through the door-way

FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums Girl, you thought he was a man But he was a muffin He hung around till you found That he didn't know nuthin' Oh girl, you thought he was a man But he only was a-puffin' No cries is heard in the night As a result of him stuffin' it in He shoulda been stuffin it in I mean stuffin it in Well, stuffin it in disc 2 1. NYC Halloween Audience/The Illinois Enema Bandit FZ:OZ Zappa In New York Läther Intro: The Palladium, NYC October 31, 1981 Song: Universal Amphitheater, Universal City, CA December 23, 1984 and

Stadio Communale, Pistoia, Italy July 8, 1982

HOT SOAPY WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!" And then Tonto might say, "Don't put that Veg-O-Matic at me!"

musicians 1984: FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums musicians 1981: FZ lead guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocals Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

DID YOU CAUSE THIS BROCCOLI? WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS BROCCOLI? WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS KINDA BROCCOLI? One girl shout: "Well, bring that small appliance right here near to me!"

Crazed Fan: Yeah! Zappa, Zappa! FZ: What? I'm supposed to kiss her? Okay. Just calm down there for a minute. It's only Halloween . . . Crazed Fan: Zappa! Yeah! FZ: Alright. Crazed Fan: Play the guitar! Play the guitar! FZ: No, thank you. Alright, let's get back to entertainment here. Are we tuned up? Crazed Fan: Yeah! We never left! We never left! FZ: 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . The Illinois Enema Bandit I heard he's on the loose I heard he's on the loose Lord, the pitiful screams Of all them college-educated women . . . He'd just be tyin' 'em up (They'd be all bound down!) He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY? TELL ME, WHAT'S YOUR PLEA? Another satisfied home maker shout: "Well, let that Veg-O-Matic be!" BANDIT, ARE YOU GUILTY? TELL ME, DID YOU DO THESE DEEDS? You know what he said? (Isn't that amazing!) "It must be just what they all need . . . " (yeah!) "It must be just what they all need . . . " "It must be just what they all needs. . . " "It must be just what they all need . . . " He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " Well, he just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice The Illinois . . . Illinois . . . Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana . . . Ain't talkin' 'bout Potato Headed Bobby Talkin' 'bout the Illinois . . . Illinois . . . Enema Bandit . . . Juice FZ: I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine. This is L. Shankar on violin. 2. Thirteen (Shankar & FZ)

The Illinois Enema Bandit I heard it on the news I heard it on the news Bloomington Illinois . . . he has caused some alarm Just sneakin' around there From farm to farm He's got a rubberized bag And a hose on his arm Just lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump The Illinois Enema Bandit One day he'll have to pay One day he'll have to pay The police will say, "You're under arrest!" And then the judge would have him for a special guest The D.A. will order a secret test Stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest Then they'll put out a call (Hi-Yo!) for the jury folks And the judge would say, "No Silver jokes!" They'll drag in the bandit for all to see, Sayin' "Don't nobody put that little black mask all over me . . . (HiYo!)

The Palladium, NYC October 27 and 31, 1978 FZ lead guitar/vocal Shankar electric violin Denny Walley slide guitar/vocals Tommy Mars keyboards/vocals Peter Wolf keyboards Ed Mann percussion Arthur Barrow bass Patrick O'Hearn bass Vinnie Colaiuta drums FZ: Now this little, this little number is in thirteen. It's subdivided 5/8 and 4/4 if you wanna clap your hands. 1-2, 1-2-3, 1, 2, 3, 4 1-2, 1-2-3, 1, 2, 3, 4 1-2, 1-2-3, 1, 2, 3, 4 1-2, 1-2-3, 1, 2, 3, 4 Pretty Good. 3. Lobster Girl

(O'Hearn, Colaiuta & FZ) The Palladium, NYC October 29, 1978 Patrick O'Hearn--bass solo/vocal Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Patrick: Charlelle. A fragile little creature in a hard-ass nightclub. The Drive Shaft. Three blocks down from the Ram Rod. One thin dime, a mere tenth of a dollar would buy you a peek at LOBSTER GIRL! 4. Black Napkins Frank Zappa Plays The Music Of Frank Zappa FZ:OZ Zoot Allures Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Some More Halloween Make A Jazz Noise Here The Palladium, NYC December 29, 1976 Guitar solo: Bismarck Theater, Chicago, Illinois November 23, 1984 musicians 1976: FZ lead guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocals Eddie Jobson keyboards Ruth Underwood percussion David Samuels timpani, vibes Patrick O'Hearn bass Terry Bozzio drums Michael Brecker tenor sax solo Randy Brecker trumpet Lou Marini alto sax Ronnie Cuber baritone sax Tom Malone trombone musicians 1984: FZ lead guitar/vocal Ike Willis guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocal Alan Zavod keyboards Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

Walt Fowler trumpet, flugelhorn, synth Bruce Fowler trombone Paul Carman alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax Albert Wing tenor sax Kurt McGettrick baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet Scott Thunes electric bass, Minimoog Chad Wackerman drums, electronic percussion Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again We're so young and happy And we know where it's at (It's over there, over there, Over there, over there And under here also) Doont, da-doodem doodem! We're never wrong about nothing And we look pretty good We never ever have to worry We're always in a hurry To convince ourselves that what we are Is really very groovy If we believe what's in the papers And the magazines that define our folklore We can never laugh At who or what we think we are Or even what we think We sorta oughta be 'Cause we are totally empty (Totally empty) And our lives are really useless So what the fuck? We ain't got no sense of humor (Oodly-oodly-yeah!) We got nothing left To laugh about Including ourselves Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again Mellow yellow Mellow yellow

5. We're Turning Again Frank Zappa Meets The Mothers Of Prevention Have I Offended Someone? includes little quotes from Carmen (Bizet), Strawberry Fields Forever (Lennon/McCartney), Sunshine Of Your Love (Brown/Bruce/Clapton), Purple Haze (Hendrix), Light My Fire (The Doors) and Monday, Monday (Phillips) Rosengarten/Mozartsaal, Mannheim, Germany May 25, 1988 FZ lead guitar, computer-synth, vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar, vocal Mike Keneally rhythm guitar, synth, vocal Bobby Martin keyboards, vocal Ed Mann vibes, marimba, electronic percussion

They were mellow They were yellow They were wearing smelly blankets They were DONOVAN fans (HU-UR-DE-EE GU-UR-DE-EE) They walked around With stupid flowers In their hair and everywhere They tried to stuff 'em up the guns Of all the cops and other servants of the law (LA LA-LA-LA LA-LA) Who tried to push 'em around And later mowed 'em down But they were full of all that shit That they believed in (PHEW!) So what the fuck? (WHAT THE FUCK?) They would tighten up their headbands On the weekend they get loaded

When they came to town They walked around in GREENWICH VILLAGE To buy posters they could hang up In their smelly little secret Black light bedrooms On LONG-ISLAND Screamin': "JIMI COME BACK!" Come back and regulate my fuzz-tone Your HAZE was so PURPLE And your AXIS was BOLD AS LOVE (JIMI-JIMI-JIMI-JIMI-JIMI FEED BACK) Come back and feed back on my knapsack You can feed back the fuzz tone from your WAH-WAH While you bend down And set your stuff on FIRE Turn turn (hop!) Turn turn We're turning again Turn turn (Mr. Cry-Baby) Turn turn We're turning again (well . . . ) We can turn it around We can do it again We can go back in time Through the canyons of your mind On the EVE O' DESTRUCTION We can act like we are something really special (wah wah . . . ) Oh, we'll just jump in the bath-tub With that other guy JIM And make him be more careful And we'll visit Big Mama And whap her on the back When she eats her sandwich (FRIDAY THURSDAY) We can take care of Janis When she gets so depressed She can't take it no more We can laugh at Keith Moon's jokes (HA HA HA HA HA) And the colour TV (WAH WAH) He threw out the window From the second floor! (AAAHHHHHH!) Everybody come back No one can do it like you used to If you listen to the radio And what they play today You can tell right away: All those assholes really need you! Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again Turn turn Turn turn We're turning again 6. Alien Orifice Frank Zappa Meets The Mothers Of Prevention Make A Jazz Noise Here 1st part: The Palladium, NYC

October 31, 1981 Ending: Unknown location 1988 1981 musicians: FZ lead guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocals Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums 1988 musicians: FZ lead guitar, computer-synth Ike Willis rhythm guitar Mike Keneally rhythm guitar, synth Bobby Martin keyboards Ed Mann vibes, marimba, electronic percussion Walt Fowler trumpet, flugelhorn, synth Bruce Fowler trombone Paul Carman alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax Albert Wing tenor sax Kurt McGettrick baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet Scott Thunes electric bass, Minimoog Chad Wackerman drums, electronic percussion

7. Catholic Girls Joe's Garage Act I Have I Offended Someone? includes quotes from All The Way (Cahn/Van Heusen) and Jewish Princess Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA February 12, 1988 and Auditorium Theater, Chicago March 3, 1988 FZ lead guitar, computer-synth, vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar, vocal Mike Keneally rhythm guitar, synth, vocal Bobby Martin keyboards, vocal Ed Mann vibes, marimba, electronic percussion Walt Fowler trumpet, flugelhorn, synth Bruce Fowler trombone Paul Carman alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax Albert Wing tenor sax Kurt McGettrick baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet Scott Thunes electric bass, Minimoog Chad Wackerman drums, electronic percussion (Well) Catholic Girls With a tiny little mustache Catholic Girls Do you know how they go? Catholic Girls In the Rectory Basement Father Riley's a fairy But it don't bother Mary Catholic Girls At the CYO Catholic Girls Do you know how they go?

Catholic Girls There can be no replacement How do they go, after the show? All the way (That's right, all the way!) That's the way they go Every day (That's right!) And none of their mamas ever seem to know Hip-Hip-Hooray For all the class they show There's nothing like a Catholic Girl At the CYO When they learn to blow . . . They're learning to blow All the Catholic Boys! Warren Cuccurullo . . . Catholic Boys! Kinda young, kinda WOW! Catholic Boys! Vinnie Colaiuta . . . Where are they now? Did they all take The Vow? Everybody! Everybody dance! Catholic Girls! Carmenita Scarfone! Catholic Girls! Hey! She gave me VD! Catholic Girls! Toni Carbone! With a tongue like a cow She could make you go WOW! VD Vowdy vootie Right away That's the way they go Every day Whenever their mamas take them to a show Matinee Pass the popcorn please There's nothing like a Catholic Girl With her hand in the box And she's on her knees She was on her knees My little Catholic Girl In a little white dress Catholic Girls They never confess Catholic Girls I got one for a cousin I love how they go So send me a dozen Catholic Girls OOOOOOH! (Well well now) Catholic Girls (Ma-ma-mum ma-ma-mum) Yai-ee-ahhh! Catholic Girls OOOOOOH! (Well well now) Catholic Girls (Ma-ma-mum ma-ma-ma-ma-mum) Yai-ee-ahhh! Joe had a girl friend named Mary. They would meet each other at the Social Club. Hold hands

And think Pure Thoughts But one night, Mary wasn't there She was backstage at the Tower Theater Sucking COCK So she can get a ticket to meet Ike Willis for free . . . 8. Crew Slut Joe's Garage Act I Auditorium Theater, Chicago March 3, 1988 and Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA February 12, 1988 FZ lead guitar, computer-synth, vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar, vocal Mike Keneally rhythm guitar, synth, vocal Bobby Martin keyboards, vocal Ed Mann vibes, marimba, electronic percussion Walt Fowler trumpet, flugelhorn, synth Bruce Fowler trombone Paul Carman alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax Albert Wing tenor sax Kurt McGettrick baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet Scott Thunes electric bass, Minimoog Chad Wackerman drums, electronic percussion Hey Hey Hey all you girls in these Industrial towns I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired Of all the local clowns They never give you no respect They never treat you nice So perhaps you oughta try A little friendly advice And be a CREW SLUT Be a CREW SLUT Be a CREW SLUT They ain't gonna squash it And you don't need to wash it! Be a CREW SLUT Be a CREW SLUT Be a CREW SLUT How about that Jimmy Swaggart? You never get to move around You never go nowhere I know yer prob'ly gettin' tired Of all the guys out there You always wondered what it's like To go from place to place So, darlin', take a little ride On Harry's face And be a CREW SLUT (Yessir!) Be a CREW SLUT Be a CREW SLUT (Watch out, he's Greek!) His equipment hasn't gotten wet For a month-and-a-half CREW SLUT Really! His name is Harry Be a CREW SLUT That's right How about that West Bank, huh? Well you been to Alabama, girl, 'N Georgia too 'N all the boys in the crew Is bein' good to you I know you're sayin' to yourself "This is the way to go" 'Cause when you need a little extra

They will give you some mo' And be a CREW SLUT Be a CREW SLUT Be a CREW SLUT Trade your spot on the bench For a guy with a wrench And be a CREW SLUT Be a CREW SLUT The boys in the crew Have got a present for you! 9. Tryin' To Grow A Chin Läther Sheik Yerbouti You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 The Palladium, NYC October 28-31, 1977 FZ lead guitar/vocal Adrian Belew guitar/vocal Tommy Mars keyboards Peter Wolf keyboards Ed Mann percussion Patrick O'Hearn bass Terry Bozzio drums

(Aw!) 'Cause that would thrill me I wanna be dead (Yes, I wanna be dead instead) In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me (Be dead in bed, yeah) I wanna be dead In bed (Yes it sure is my name, it's Terry Ted, Terry Ted) Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me (Kill me) I wanna be dead (Thrill me) In bed (Thrill me) Please kill me (Will somebody) 'Cause that would thrill me (Kill me) I wanna be dead (Thrill me) In bed (Wah-OW!) Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me One more time for the world!

Hey! I'm only fourteen Sickly 'n thin Tried all of my life Just to grow me a chin It popped out once Yeah, but my dad pushed it in Tell me, why did he hurt me? Lord, he's my next of kin . . . He's a mex-i-kin I'm lonely 'n green; Too small for my shirt If Simmons was here I could feature my hurt Scared of the future 'N I hope I don't grow Listen, nobody likes me 'Cause everywhere that I go They say NO They say NO They say NO NO They say NO Now I am older Got a place in the town, babe Got a chin on my shoulder 'N it keeps growing down 'n down 'n down I'm horny 'n lonely 'N I wish I was dead Somebody tell me Why am I livin'? Lord, I wanna be dead instead That's right, I said I wanna be dead instead Now dig this: I wanna be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me (Get the picture?) I wanna be dead In bed Please kill me

I wanna be dead (Yeah-hey!) In bed (I wanna be dead instead) Please kill me (Be dead in bed) 'Cause that would thrill me I wanna be dead (Come on, little girl) In bed (Gimme some head, hey-hey-hey) Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I wanna be dead ('Cause I'm only fourteen) In bed (Sickly 'n thin) Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me ([...] on the love scene, ow!) I wanna be dead (Too small for my shirt) In bed (Feature my hurt) Please kill me (Yeah-hey!) 'Cause that would thrill me 10. Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance The Lost Episodes Lumpy Gravy Joe's Corsage We're Only In It For The Money FZ:OZ The Palladium, NYC October 31, 1978 FZ lead guitar/vocal Shankar electric violin Denny Walley slide guitar/vocals Tommy Mars keyboards/vocals

Peter Wolf keyboards Ed Mann percussion Arthur Barrow acoustic guitar Patrick O'Hearn bass Vinnie Colaiuta drums

11. Lisa's Life Story (Lisa Popeil/FZ) Santa Monica Civic Auditorium December 11, 1981 FZ conductor Lisa Popeil dramatic soprano Ray White guitar Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards Bobby Martin keyboards/sax Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums Hello. My name is Lisa Popeil. Ha ha. Ever seen one of these? My father who's filthy rich made this. It's a Pocket Fisherman, ha ha. And he also made the Veg-O-Matic, which works about as well. And then there's always my brother Ronnie of Ronco. I'm sure you've heard of him. He has all those commercials that go on and on and on and on AND ON AND ON and on and on, I know. Now I'm here to tell you my life story When I was young I was a skinny neurotic bitch (Doo-doo-da-dee-ha!) But it didn't matter (E-eh-e-eh-e-eh-e-eh-eh!) Because the ego was so large It didn't matter that I hadn't done nothing Or seen nothing in my life, ow! Trapped in a sexless body I always knew (Ha ha ha ha-ha-ha) That I was an oversexed hussy So my next task was to find someone who could Satisfy my every desire (Da-da doo-dood da ba dad-dood Da-dood-dad-dood da-dood-da-da) Unfortunately I lacked the basic essentials So I went out to get me some Of what I needed all along A pair of titties just like mom (Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!) I went to a Catholic school With all those nerds I swear a good Catholic girl Can't go anywhere these days Well, then there was a quest for the perfect hunk I spell that h-u-n-k, hunk You know, I like them tall and blonde.

musicians 1988: FZ lead guitar, computer-synth, vocal Ike Willis rhythm guitar, vocal Mike Keneally rhythm guitar, synth, vocal Bobby Martin keyboards, vocal Ed Mann vibes, marimba, electronic percussion Walt Fowler trumpet, flugelhorn, synth Bruce Fowler trombone Paul Carman alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax Albert Wing tenor sax Kurt McGettrick baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet Scott Thunes electric bass, Minimoog Chad Wackerman drums, electronic percussion musicians 1971: FZ guitar Jimmy Carl Black guest vocal Mark Volman vocal Howard Kaylan vocal Jim Pons bass/vocal Don Preston keyboards/electronics Ian Underwood keyboards/alto sax Aynsley Dunbar drums My name is Nando I am a marine biologist All my friends, They call me 'Do' (Hi, Do!) All my family, From some place in this area, And they complain if I talk about this horrible pizza During the show Came out here to Californy, Just to find me Some pretty girls (oh-oh . . . ) Ones I seen Gets me so horny; Ruby lips, 'N teeth like pearls! Wanna love 'em all! Wanna love 'em dearly! Wanna jellyfish I'll even pay! (Fish furs!) I'll buy 'em furs! I'll buy 'em jewelry/pizza! I know they like me; Here's what I say: Lonesome Cowboy Burt! (Speakin' atcha!) Want you smell my fringe-y shirt! (Reekin' atcha!) My cowboy pants, My cowboy dance, My bold advance, On this here waitress . . . Yodel-oh-oo-pee-hey Yodel-oh-oo-pee!

12. Lonesome Cowboy Nando

includes a quote from O Superman (Anderson)

(He's lonesome Cowboy Burt Don'tcha get my feelings hurt) Come on in this place, 'N I'll buy you a taste, 'N you can sit on my face-Where's my waitress?

Pauley Pavilion, UCLA, California August 7, 1971

Burtram, Burtram redneck Burtram, Burtram redneck

Palasport, Genoa, Italy June 9, 1988

I'm an awful nice guy! Sweat all day in the sun!

200 Motels The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life

Roofer by trade, Quite a bundle I've made, I'm unionized roofin' old Son-of-a-gun! (He's a unionized roofin' old Son-of-a-gun!) (Darling, I crazy go nuts when I hear this, You know what I'm singin'?) Nan Nan Nan Nan Nan Nan Do Do Do Do Do Do . . . When I get off, I get plastered I swim till I fall on the jellyfish , Then I find me some academic kind of illustrator, I describe the little dangling utensils on this thing, And tell him to draw it up So it looks just like a brand new jellyfish! (oh!) (I describe the little dangling utensils on this thing, And tell him to draw it up so it looks . . . ) Take that! Take that! Nan Nan Nan Nan Nan Do Do Do Do Do Do . . . I fuss, an' I cuss an' I keep on swimmin', Till my snorkel puffs up an' turns red! I drool on my shorts, I do some water sports, Then I take the jellyfish back to my house And stick it in the bed! Sorta . . . (Whaddya do?) Stick it again in the bed, that's right! Stick it again in the bed! Stick it again in the bed! STICK IT AGAIN IN THE BED! Lonesome Cowboy Burt! (Speakin' atcha!) Smell my fringe-y shirt! (Reekin' atcha!) My cowboy pants, My cowboy dance, My bold advance, On this here waitress . . . Yodel-oh-oo-pee-yeh Yodel-oh-oo-pee! (HE'S LONESOME COWBOY BURT) YEE-HA! (A--don'tcha get his feelin's hurt) Come on in this place, An' I'll buy you a taste, You can sit on my face-Where's my waitress? 13. 200 Motels Finale 200 Motels Pauley Pavilion, UCLA, California August 7, 1971 FZ guitar Jimmy Carl Black guest vocal Mark Volman vocal Howard Kaylan vocal Jim Pons bass/vocal Don Preston keyboards/electronics Ian Underwood keyboards/alto sax Aynsley Dunbar drums

OPAL, YOU HOT LITTLE BITCH! They're gonna clear out the studio (Are you kidding?) I am not kidding They're gonna tear down all the . . . (I hear ya) They're gonna whip down all the . . . They're gonna sweep out all the . . . They're gonna pay off all the . . . (Oh, yeah!) And then . . . And then . . . And then . . . And then . . . Hey hey hey, everybody in the orchestra and the chorus Talkin' 'bout every one of our lovely and talented dancers (You got it, Jack) Talkin' 'bout the light bulb men Camera men (oh!) The make-up men (You got it) (The fake-up men) Yeah, the rake-up men (Especially Herbie Cohen, yeah . . .) They're all gonna rise up They're gonna jump up I said jump up Talkin' 'bout jump right up and off the floor Jump right up and hit the door They're all gonna rise up and jump off! They're gonna ride on home They're gonna ride on home They're gonna ride on home They're gonna ride on home And once again Take themselves Seriously Yeah, two, three, four, seriously They're all gonna go home Through the driving sleet and rain They're all gonna go home Through the fog, through the dust Through the tropical fever and the blistering frost They're all gonna go home Yeah, and get out of it as they can be, baby And the same goes for me (And the same goes for me) Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! And each and every member of this rock oriented comedy group in his own special way Is gonna get out of it as he can be We all gonna get wasted We all gonna get twisted We all gonna get wasted We all gonna get twisted Yeah, and I am definitely gonna get . . . REAMED tonight 'Cause I'm such a lonely I'm such a lonely A lonely, lonely, talkin' 'bout a lonely guy! Oh, and I know tonight, Each and everyone of you's gonna go home And write down an order for that penciled front album And I know that on account of that, Next time I come back I am definitely . . . I am positively . . .

I just have to, and I'm not kidding, gonna get . . . BENT, REAMED AND WASTED

FZ lead guitar/vocal Ray White guitar/vocal Steve Vai stunt guitar Tommy Mars keyboards/vocal Bobby Martin keyboards/sax/vocals Ed Mann percussion Scott Thunes bass Chad Wackerman drums

JCB: A disaster area the size of Atlantic City, New Jersey! WHOOA! Atlantic City, New Jersey! 14. Strictly Genteel 200 Motels Orchestral Favorites London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II Make A Jazz Noise Here

Lord, have mercy on the hippies and faggots And the dykes and the weird little children they grow FZ: Thanks for coming to the show tonight. Hope you enjoyed it. Don't throw stuff on the stage. Ray White, Tommy Mars, Scott Thunes, Chad Wackerman, Ed Mann, Bobby Martin, Steve Vai. Good Night.

includes a quote from a Hawaiian Punch commercial Some Crazed Fan: ZAPPAAAA! The Palladium, NYC October 31, 1981 (late show)

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the original albums Original transcription for new material mainly by Hans Hendriks and Patrick Neve Further corrections and additions by Román, John W. Busher, Patrick Neve, Koji Noda, Stu Mark and Charles Ulrich

)

Playground Psychotics (Frank Zappa/The Mothers Of Invention, October 1992) 19. Sharleena 4:23 20. Cruisin' For Burgers 2:53 21. Diptheria Blues (MOI) 6:19

disc 1 A TYPICAL DAY ON THE ROAD, PART I (MOI)

Here Comes The Gear, Lads 1:00 The Living Garbage Truck 2. 1:20 A Typical Sound Check 1:19 3. 4. "This Is Neat" 0:23 The Motel Lobby 1:21 5. 6. Getting Stewed 0:55 The Motel Room 0:29 7. 8. "Don't Take Me Down" 1:11 The Dressing Room 0:24 9. 10. Learning "Penis Dimension" 2:02 11. "You There, With The Hard On!" 0:25

1.

12. Zanti Serenade (Underwood/Preston/FZ) 2:40 13. Divan 1:46 14. Sleeping In A Jar 1:30 15. "Don't Eat There" 2:26 16. Brixton Still Life 2:59 17. Super Grease (MOI/FZ) 1:39 18. Wonderful Wino (Simmons/FZ) 4:52

22. Well (Ward) 4:43 23. Say Please (Lennon/Ono/FZ) 0:57 24. Aaawk (Lennon/Ono/FZ) 2:59 25. Scumbag (Lennon/Ono/Kaylan/FZ) 5:53 26. A Small Eternity With Yoko Ono (Lennon/Ono) 6:07 disc 2

THE TRUE STORY OF 200 MOTELS A TYPICAL DAY ON THE ROAD, PART 2 (MOI)

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Beer Shampoo 1:39 Champagne Lecture 4:29 Childish Perversions 1:31 Playground Psychotics 1:08 The Mudshark Interview 2:39 "There's No Lust In Jazz" 0:55 Botulism On The Hoof 0:47 7. 8. You Got Your Armies 0:10 The Spew King 0:24 9. 10. I'm Doomed 0:25

Produced and arranged by Frank Zappa Remix engineers: Mark Pinske, Spence Chrislu Remix facility: UMRK Art by Cal Schenkel Dialog portions: various dates, 1970 FZ Mark Volman Howard Kaylan Jeff Simmons George Duke Ian Underwood Aynsley Dunbar Martin Lickert Dick Barber June 5-6, 1971 Fillmore East, NYC FZ lead guitar, vocal Mark Volman vocal

11. Status Back Baby 2:49 12. The London Cab Tape (MOI) 1:24 13. Concentration Moon, Part One 1:20 14. The Sanzini Brothers (Underwood/Volman/Kaylan ) 1:33 15. "It's A Good Thing We Get Paid To Do This" 2:45 16. Concentration Moon, Part Two 2:04 17. Mom & Dad 3:16 18. Intro To Music For Low Budget Orchestra 1:32 19. Billy The Mountain 30:25

20. He's Watching Us 1:21 21. If You're Not A Professional Actor 0:23 22. He's Right 0:14 23. Going For The Money 0:12 24. Jeff Quits 1:33 25. A Bunch Of Adventures 0:56 26. Martin Lickert's Story 0:39 27. A Great Guy 0:30 28. Bad Acting 0:10 29. The Worst Reviews 0:20 30. A Version Of Himself 1:02 31. I Could Be A Star Now 0:36

Howard Kaylan vocal Jim Pons bass/vocal Bob Harris wurlitzer Ian Underwood keyboards/alto sax Aynsley Dunbar drums plus: Don Preston keyboards/electronics John Lennon guitar/vocal Yoko Ono bag/vocal August 7, 1971 Pauley Pavilion, UCLA, California and December 10, 1971 Rainbow Theater, London, England FZ lead guitar, vocal Mark Volman vocal Howard Kaylan vocal Jim Pons bass/vocal Don Preston keyboards/electronics Ian Underwood keyboards/alto sax Aynsley Dunbar drums

disc 1 A TYPICAL DAY ON THE ROAD, PART 1 (M.O.I.)

I think we can do it on the other side and then, uh . . . "But it won't be lonely for long . . . " What's the deal? Howard: Must we stand amidst the scum to get the idea across? Jeff: "Where are you on this ah long hot summer Where are you on this ah . . . "

1. "Here comes the Gear, Lads" Aynsley: Here comes the gear, lads! Howard: Dunbar . . . Jeff: "Here comes the gear, lads" Howard: I'm telling you man . . . Jeff: Sounds like the Beatles cartoons. Howard: Key down. Aynsley: Just keep your mouth shut, you . . . Curly! ?: Look at those little cars! The race cars. Mark: It does sound like the Beatles cartoons. "Hey, John Lennon here . . . " Jeff: "Hey, Wankers, there goes the gear." Passenger agent: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is your passenger agent. I'd like to welcome you to aboard United's flight 664 to Spokane. We're departing in just a few more minutes. We'll just be a . . . couple minutes delayed due to loading some extra baggage. Mark: Could that be ours? Passenger agent: I'd like to remind you that the, the bags you've carried on today should be stored underneath the seat in front of you ... Mark: Howard? Pilot: During the flight . . . Howard: Uh, yes, Mark . . . Mark: Would you like some film? Howard: I would. Pilot: Hope you have a pleasant trip, and . . . thank you for flying United. Stewardess: Good night, all. Ha ha! Now, the trip . . . This is great! 2. The Living Garbage Truck includes quotes from Mona Bone Jakon (Cat Stevens) and Long Hot Summer Night (Jimi Hendrix) Bruce: Bruce Bissell [?] . . . FZ: What? Bruce: From Reprise Records. FZ: Hi, there, how you doing? Bruce: How you doing? Nice to see you again. FZ: Yeah. Bruce: How's it going? FZ: Well, it's all right. Bruce: Good. Hey, we got a neat publicity stunt we'd like to try. FZ: What's the stunt? Bruce: We got a garbage truck. We'd like to get some pictures of you and the Mothers on it. FZ: That's probably one of the most terrible ideas I ever heard in my life! Are we going down there? Bruce: Yeah! Mark: You'd love it, you know that? Bruce: And, uh, we got that newspaper here to cover it and, uh, plus, the front of the chart and stuff. FZ: The front of the chart . . . Bruce: Yes, the, uh, FM chart that's put out here in Vancouver, has a distribution of about fifty thousand. Ian?: What's happening? FZ: What do you think, Dick? Dick: What? A photo at the garbage truck? Bruce: I think it's really gonna be a great idea. I really do.

Mark: Are we going in it? Do you think you could possibly like climb up on the tire and put a foot there? [...] as much as you can Yeah, there's a laddre. Yeah. 3. A Typical Sound Check includes a quote from Whole Lotta Love (Page/Plant/Jones/Bonham) Mark: All skate. Men only! Aynsley: Man, shou . . . shoulda put the fuckin' [...] ?: Gotta put that sign on the front, man ?: Got to get that sign on the front ?: [...] sign of the bass player Aynsley: Because I . . . I'm gonna have to find [...] I'm gonna take about five minutes with the other thing in there in time to go on ?: Get some more weirdness ?: Hey man ?: Hey, it's far right here ?: [...] together? ?: It's far right there ?: Well . . . ?: Perverse! George: Hey, I'm still an hour here Mark: See it, my washboard's in the car ?: What? Aynsley: See, they gotta have two holes here ?: Ah! Jeff: Yeah ?: Washboards . . . Jeff: Oh we got our amps switched. I should be having . . . Mark: If you do not hear me You may now walk out For I am here And I am talking . . . 4. "This is Neat" Howard: This is neat! Jeff: Spending a night in the motel Howard: This is about the neatest Holiday Inn I've seen in days. The rooms are in Foon's name, hey? Look at that, wild coyotes! FZ: Ha ha ha ha! Mark: Okay, uh, you guys are gonna wait while I go in and check? FZ: Yeah, you're the straightest looking member, so Howard: Really, why don't you go in and see if you . . . Mark: Yeah, man, right over there, right behind that car Howard: Singles! Mark: They're already set up that way, sure Howard: Oh. Good. 5. The Motel Lobby includes a quote from Blue Moon (Hart/Rodgers) Howard: Sure, man, and I'll go until two and I'm gonna be in there supporting 'em, in fact I'll sit in with those guys. I'm into it, I'll sing a little "Blue Moon . . . " Mark: Hey man . . . Dick: Listen, this is a nice place, man, it's got a beautiful room . . . Howard: Don't give me that man, it's plastic city, it bites, the guy

behind . . . Dick: Relax and enjoy some of the wo-, wonderments of nature . . . Howard: No no no no, the guy behind the desk is a werewolf. You can't give me any of that, the chick over there's been dead for twenty minutes. I'm hip to this place, I've seen 'em in my sleep, man Dick: Hey, listen, I've never seen you this way, man Howard: No, man, I'm not keyed at all Dick: You're unpleasant Howard: I'm not unpleasant! I can't wait to sign the card and check into my little closet. Unpack my leather cape, hang it up on the wall, get out the washboard, put away my nitty books and get into it! I'm gonna go down and cruise in that lounge, man, I'm gonna have . . . Dick: Watch this, it's right in there, just step right in Howard: I'm gonna take a look ?: Hello, Frank . . . Howard: Ooohoowwoh! Mark: Hey, what is this, man? Is this the can-can room? Howard: This place waits for us, man Mark: This place waits us! Is there a piano? Howard: There's a juke box with a lotta hokie country songs on it. I am coming in here and getting blotto in about ten minutes Mark: Oh, man, me too! 6. Getting Stewed includes Beyond The Reef (Pitman) Howard: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, coming to you direct from high atop the Konrad Adenauer Inn. Just a short forty-five minute rocket flight from where Cape Canaveral meets the Alcan Highway, twenty minutes down Route 66, just a short hop, skip, and a jump from the corner of Sunset and Fifth Avenue. High atop One Fifth Avenue where we're listening to the rancid rhythms of Riles [Mishnist] and his music to make you wanna throw up. Yes, and coming on right after this, ladies and gentlemen, The Five Rancid Fingers of Ben Zedrine and his . . . Mark: Strings, men, and [j...] . . . Howard: Psilocybin Cut-ups, yes, ladies and gentlemen, here we go into another . . . thing. No, not into another thing, ladies and gentlemen. I'm glad. That gives me time to say that you're listening to the National Bum-rushing Company and we're all sitting around the table here stewed, ladies and gentlemen. Aynsley: Right on brother. All together. Howard: And we're sitting here in Spokane, Washington. Mark: Right on. Howard: With "Beyond The Reef." Mark: The Can-Can Room. Howard: I hope this is it, because I can't go on filling forever. Aynsley? Jeff?: Take it. Howard: Come on in, boys! 7. The Motel Room Aynsley: Leaving in fifteen minutes, Frank Howard: I've never been . . . underwear! " . . . funny" Mark: Fantastic! The world were meant for you Howard: Hey man, anyone checked out that show that's on called "TV . . . " Aynsley: Yeah . . . show . . . Howard: "TV Around the World," a BBC show. The lowest 8. "Don't Take Me Down" includes a quote from If I Were King Of The Forest (Harburg/Arlen) Dick: (Snorks) Howard: "Not duke, not queen, but king." You haven't lost your touch, Gnarler, you can snort with the best of 'em

Mark: This guy said that a couple of guys have broken in the doors and shit Howard: Oh, great, a riot! Just like Berlin! Mark: They broke indoors 'cause there is a hassle about the bread or something, the money ?: Can I carry your brief? Mark: No, thanks ?: No? Howard: Can I brief your carry? Mark: I'll do it Howard: Really! Would you be my wife for an hour? Howard: Right on! Right on! (Opening Act: Thank you very much) Howard: Right on! (Opening Act: That's right, don't take me down. Don't do it) Howard: Don't do it! Don't take me down! I don't wanna go down no more! 9. The Dressing Room Big John Mazmanian! Gas Rhonda! Funny Car! Sunday! FZ: Thank you Aynsley: You're welcome Howard: Hey, listen! Mark: My throat . . . Howard: Send me twelve eight by ten glossies in Monday's mail ?: Fifty bucks a piece Howard: Fifty bucks a piece? Cheap at twice the price. Call my service ?: Right Howard: Thanks a lot man, would really . . . A funny door! 10. Learning "Penis Dimension" 200 Motels Mark: "Hi, friends. Now just be honest about it, friends and neighbours. Did you ever consider the possibility that your penis, and in the case of many dignified ladies, that size of the tities themselves might possibly provide elements of sub-conscious tension . . . " Howard: See, the trouble here, Frank, lies in the fact that on that sheet it says "that size," it doesn't say "that the size" therefore . . . FZ: Get a pencil and write in "that the size" Mark: Could I have a . . . Howard: Well, I'm sorry Mark: " . . . weird, twisted anxieties which could force a person to become a politician, a policeman, a narc, a casket maker . . . " FZ: An usher! Jeff: A musician Mark: "Or in the case of the ladies, the ones that can't afford a silicon beef-up, become writers of hot books!" Howard: "I placed my burning phallus between her quivering quim!" Mark: "A carmelite nun!" Howard: "She placed my burning phallus between her quivering quim!" Mark: "Or jockeys! There is no reason why you or your loved one should suffer. Things are bad enough already without the size of your organ adding even more misery to the troubles of the world! If you are a lady with munchkin tits, you can't console yourself with this age old line . . . " FZ: No, "you can console yourself" Mark: "You can console yourself with this age old line from . . . " Howard: Simmons! POOO-HHH! POOO-AHH-AHH! Mark: "And if you're a guy . . . " Howard: "Anything over a mouthful . . . " Mark & Howard: " . . . is wasted!" Mark: "And if you're a guy and you're ashamed of your dick and somebody hits on you one night in a casual conversation and turns to

you and says, uh . . . " Howard: "Eight inches or less!" Mark: "You just swivel right back around and look this sonofabitch straight in the eyes, and say . . . " 11. "You There, With The Hard On!" Howard: You, you there with the hard on! FZ: With the hard on the little napkin in the small pocket mirror, would you please rise . . . Mark: Brian Hyland, ladies and gentlemen! Howard: Sit down, Aynsley! Not you ?: Shut up! FZ: Ready? Mark: Yes FZ: Quick! Before these people [beware] 12. Zanti Serenade (Underwood, Preston, FZ) Rainbow Theater, London, England December 10, 1971

13. Divan includes a quote from Tico-Tico no Fubá (Zequinha de Abreu) Pauley Pavilion, UCLA, California August 7, 1971 translation Ballen von Zecken Und alten Sporthemden, Sporthemden, Sporthemden Lachen von Feuer Lachen von Gummi Lachen von Tränen (Sheets of tears) Ooh ooh ooh awh . . . Lachen von getrocknetem Wasser (Sheets of drywall and roofing) Lachen von drywall und roofing (Sheets of large deep-fried rumba) Lachen von riesigen, tief-gefrorenen Rumba A light shines down from heaven A dense ecumenical bandana At the right hand of God's big rumba And his voice pronounceth out In sheets of plywood And bales of old sportshirts And this is what he said Beklecker nicht Beklecker nicht Beklecker nicht Beklecker nicht Mein Sofa! And you know what that means . . . 14. Sleeping In A Jar Uncle Meat Ahead Of Their Time

Rainbow Theater, London, England December 10, 1971

15. "Don't Eat There" includes a quote from Sleep Dirt Rainbow Theater, London, England December 10, 1971 Waitress: Are you having breakfast for lunch? Howard: I'm having breakfast and he's lunched. I'll tell you what, what can you give me immediately, if not sooner? Nothing hot, nothing . . . So that by the time he's finished eating those hot cakes and those dead things that I will have finished myself Jeff?: How about an order of sausages? Waitress: Bacon and eggs? Are you, are you gonna have breakfast? Dick: No no no no no Howard: No no Dick: No no no no no Howard: He'll never go for that Aynsley: No no no [...] Dick: A roll and some orange juice Jeff: . . . Virginia Graham Waitress: Orange juice and . . . uh . . . a roll, uh-huh? Aynsley: One stale roll Dick: Yeah FZ: Bread and water Aynsley: One stale roll Dick: Bread and water Waitress: Thank you Howard: Frank, you really missed it at the club last night. You should have seen what went on, man, if you would have had your tape recorder there, you would have been rolling on the ground, holding your sides. It was the greatest. Everybody was out of it, drinking wine, cheap wine. And then there was this group, this nice tight little group that was playin' and they did about two numbers, and they said, "Okay, uh, any of you guys wanna come up here?" And of course old Stewed Simmons was the first one to check out the cat's guitar, and so he immediately procceeded to play lead. This chick came out of the audience, man, á la Janis Joplin in a gold lamé, only she was rancid, and she came up there and tried to sing blues changes like Buddy Miles or something, but it just didn't work and she was singing, "Get yourself together . . . You are where it's at . . . ," she did it for like . . . forty minutes, man, it was wonderful . . . People were applauding everything 16. Brixton Still Life Rainbow Theater, London, England December 10, 1971

17. Super Grease (M.O.I./FZ) includes a quote from Lady Of The Island (Graham Nash) Rainbow Theater, London, England December 10, 1971 Ooooooh Aaaaaah Ooooh Aaaah Howard: Poor baby! FZ: Oooooh . . . Don't like the Greek food in this neighborhood, eh?

Oooooh . . . FZ: Tell me the truth, what did you eat? Mark: I ate . . . FZ: Tell me the truth, what did you eat? Howard: I had a shish kebab FZ: Tell me the truth, what did you eat? You didn't eat? Mark: I was having chicken . . . FZ: What did you eat? Ian?: Go-kart Howard: He didn't eat anything. He drank wine Mark: With, uh, spinach . . . FZ: What did you eat? Mark: And boiled potatoes . . . Jim: I had a roller skate Mark: Not just any grease but . . . GREASE Mark/Howard: The brownness of her body Makes me sweat inside my crotch I want so much/bad to kiss her But she smells of rancid botch/But I smell her rancid botch Do do do do do do Oooooooh wagh! Mark: Grease, grease, I tell ya, all I had was grease, it cost me two dollars and thirty five cents, it was nothing but a plate of grease Howard: And the wine tasted like . . . 18. Wonderful Wino (Simmons, FZ) The Lost Episodes Zoot Allures includes a quote from Bringing In The Sheaves (Shaw/Minor) Rainbow Theater, London, England December 10, 1971 Bringing in the sheaves Bringing in the sheaves We will come rejoicing Bringing in the sheaves Whoa! L.A. in the summer of '69 I went downtown and bought some wine I wasted my head on three quarts of juice And now the grapes won't cut me loose 'Cause I'm a wino man Wino man WINO MAN 36, 24, hips about 30 (36, 24, hips about 30) Seen a fine lady and I started talkin' dirty (Seen a fine lady and I started talkin' dirty) She looked at me and raised her thumb (Thumb, yeah) And said: "Jam down the road, you funky-ass bum" (Jam it down, jam it down, funky-ass bum, That's no way to talk to a lady!) 'Cause you're a wino man Don't you know I am? WINO MAN I, I went to the country And while I was gone A roller-headed lady Caught me weedling on her lawn

I am so ashamed, 'cause I'm a wino man And I can't help myself HELP ME SOMEBODY! I'm a wino man Wino man Oh lord! WINO MAN My guitar playing And my wino career are in a slump 'Cause I find myself now living In a cardboard refrigerator box down by the Houston dump And, oh my God, I'm so fuckin' ashamed of myself (So ashamed of myself) Everytime I get . . . WHOOAAAH! I've been drinkin' all night and my eyes are gettin' red Well, I crashed in the gutter, got bugs in my head Bugs in my coat, been scratchin' like a dog I can't stand water, and I stink like a hog Give me fi-i-i-i-i-ive bucks And a hot meal Give me fi-i-i-i-i-ive bucks And a hot meal Give me fi-i-i-i-i-ive bucks And a hot meal Give me FI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I. . . Maybe an old overcoat or two Maybe an old overcoat or two Maybe an old overcoat or two Oh, oh my God, I just love overcoats 19. Sharleena The Lost Episodes Chunga's Revenge Them Or Us You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 Rainbow Theater, London, England December 10, 1971 I'm cryin' I'm cryin' I'm cryin' for Sharleena, Don't you know? I called up all my baby's friends 'N ask'n um Where she done went But nobody 'round here seems to know Where my Sharleena's been Where my Sharleena's been I'm cryin' I'm cryin' I'm cryin' for Sharleena, Can't you see? I called up all my baby's friends 'N ask'n um Where she done went (She done went) Nobody 'round here seems to know Where my Sharleena's been Where my Sharleena's been Ten long years I been lov'n her Ten long years And I thought deep down in my heart She was mine (say!) Ten long years I been lov'n her Ten long years I would call her my baby, and now,

I'm always cryin' (I'm cryin', yes, I'm cryin') Ugh! Ugh! I would be so delighted I would be so delighted If they would just Send her on home to me I would be so delighted I would be so delighted If they would just Send her on home to me Sharleena-leena Sharleena-leena Sharleena-leena Sharleena-leena Cry-y-y-y-yin' Well hear me cry-y-y-y-yin' Hear me cryin' (Oh Sharleena!) Hear me cryin' (My Sharleena) Hear me cryin' (I called up all my baby's friends) Hear me cryin' (And ask'n um) Aaaaah, hear me cryin', babe (Where Sharleena went) Hear me cryin' (But you know that, nobody 'round seems to know) Sharleena, hear me cryin' (Where my baby's gone) (You know I'm cry-cry-cry-cryin') For Sharleena (Don't you know I'm cry-cry-cry-cryin') For Sharleena You know I'm cryin' (For Sharleena) Hear me cryin' (For Sharleena) Hear me cryin' (You know I'm cry-cry-cry-cryin') For Sharleena (You know I'm cry-cry-cry-cryin') Hear me cryin' Hear me cryin' For Sharleena For Sharleena Sha-la-la-la . . . Sha-la-la-la . . . Sha-la-la-la . . . Sha-la-la-la . . . Why doesn't somebody somewhere right here at the Rainbow Theater where Melanie ripped it off last night Why don't you send her home Why can't you send my ever loving Sharleena home (Send my baby home to . . . ) Why can't you send her home to . . . 20. Cruisin' For Burgers Uncle Meat Zappa In New York Make A Jazz Noise Here Rainbow Theater, London, England December 10, 1971

Me! I (My oh my oh my) (Ay ay ay) Must be free My (My oh my oh my) (My oh my oh my oh my) Fake I.D. Freeeeeees me Gotta do a few things To make my life complete (SURE YOU DO!) Gotta live my life (Where?) Out on the street The difference between us Is not very far Cruising for burgers In daddy's new car My phony freedom card Brings to me Instantly ECSTASY ECSTASY ECS-TA-SYYYYY 21. Diptheria Blues (M.O.I) Tully Gymnasium, Florida State University October 9, 1970 Back about a hundred years ago There wasn't anywhere you could go down here in Georgia Mississippi [Meredith???] Any of your Southern states Now you got your honkies And you got your ofays And you got your soul brothers Hundred years ago, soul brothers sat out in front of their shanties. Poorer than a [car shack?] they was. They sat out there with their Hohners, just like we do today. And they played some soulful songs. Now give me some of your [handwriting?] in the background, ladies and gentlemen [Eat?] terminal chronic diphtheria harmonica blues From Asthma Mark And the Funk Brothers Good God! Good God! [...] What is this? I can't stand it I can't breathe any more headache They just woke [?] me up They give me my bottle of juice They give me my Hohner They give me my straw hat They give me my blue prison shirt They sit me down by the scarecrow And they say, "Play, boy You been a-pickin' blueberries all day long It's about time you really got it on Now I know you brothers got rhythm and you got soul Go on and you play some, I mean We gotta have one on every block Just to show how cool we are [...] on us We'll sit back and listen to you We'll bake your brownies at Christmas, boy We'll take your women back to the shed

We're gonna use you to make mincemeat, boy And then we're gonna sit down and dig on you 'Cause you play a fine harp Fine harp, Asthma Mark." They used to say, "Play that thing, Asthma Mark. Play the harmonica, boy. Play that thing." Asthma Mark goes, "Ee-yeah!" They go, "What?" Asthma Mark goes, "Wee-yeah!" Wee-yeah! Wee-yeah! Carlos Santana, ladies and gentlemen! Good God! Don't break that bottle, brother Aynsley It's all we got So Asthma Mark would sit on the corner And he would play his Diphtheria Blues on his Hohner And people would come from miles around To see Asthma Mark a-wheezin' and a-playin' A-playin' and a-wheezin' And a-spewin' And a-foamin' They say, "We love you, Asthma Mark And we sing with you The old Diphtheria Blues" I can't breathe I can't breathe My throat's a-sweatin' My eyes are waterin' My athlete's foot went south for the winter Oh, I can't stand it What's gonna happen to me? Oh, diphtheria got me down Oh, San Antonio epidemic now Oh [...] Oh Diphtheria Blues [...] say Gonna play in this shack Gonna [...] through Get bit on the back [...] some mosquitoes [...] [...] flies in my face Gotta get out of here No-good funky blues Diphtheria Blues Got me down Diphtheria Blues Got me down Can't stand it no more Diphtheria Blues Just [...] Blue Cross won't pay Diphtheria Blues Diphtheria Blues Diphtheria Blues, yeah Diphtheria Blues, oh Diphtheria Blues [...] Can't stand it Oh no Oh no OW! OW!

Diphtheria Blues Can't stand it Oh no Oh no Diphtheria Blues Diphtheria Blues Play that thing, Asthma Mark Good God! Good God! Amen . . . John Lennon: Okay? FZ: Sit down and cool it for a minute so you can hear what we're gonna do! John Lennon: Yeah, this is a song I used to sing when I was in The Cavern in Liverpool, I haven't done it since so . . . Two, three, four . . . 22. Well (Walter Ward) Fillmore East, NYC June 6, 1971 (late show) You know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well, well You know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well, well You know I love you, honey, child 'Cause nothing I wouldn't do for you right now You know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well You know I love you, baby, please, don't go You know I love you, baby, please, don't go You know I love you, honey, child Nothing I wouldn't do for you right now Y'know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well Zappa! You know I want you, baby, please, don't go, well, well You know I want you, baby, please, don't go You know I love you, honey, child 'Cause nothing I wouldn't do for you right now You know I want you, baby, please, don't go, well Well, you know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well You know I love you, baby, please, don't go You know I love you, honey, child 'Cause nothing I wouldn't do for you right now I know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well Yeah! 23. Say Please (Lennon, Ono, FZ) Fillmore East, NYC June 6, 1971 (late show) Please! Say please! FZ: We take turns conducting John Lennon: Okay 24. Aaawk (Lennon, Ono, FZ)

HOO-AAHHH! Diphtheria Blues Diphtheria Blues Diphtheria Blues

Fillmore East, NYC June 6, 1971 (late show)

25. Scum Bag (Lennon, Ono, Kaylan, FZ) Fillmore East, NYC June 6, 1971 (late show) Scum Bag, Scum Bag Scum Bag, Scum Bag Scum Bag, Scum Bag Scum Bag, Scum Bag Scum Bag, Scum Bag Scum Bag, Scum Bag Eh, yo, yeah, yo Scum Bag (Gonna put all my posessions in a) Scum Bag (Gonna shut my damn pa-jamas in a) Scum Bag (Gonna put my dirty movies in a) Scum Bag (Gonna put my Yoko records in a) Scum Bag (Gonna put my old high school in a) Scum Bag (Everybody, everybody, by the) Scum Bag (Oh, my pretty baby, do the) Scum Bag (Everybody) Scum Bag, Scum Bag Scum Bag, Scum Bag Scum Bag, Scum Bag Scum Bag, Scum Bag (Oh, Yoko's in a) Scum Bag (Everybody, everybody) Scum Bag Scum Bag! (All God's children gotta) Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag! Oh, Scum Bag Ah, ooh, gotta Scum Bag, Scum Bag Choo choo choo . . . Scum Bag, Scum Bag, Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag FZ: Hey, listen! I don't know whether you can tell what the words are to this song, but there's only two of them, and I'd like to have you sing along 'cause it's real easy. Anybody who comes to the Fillmore East can sing the song. The name of the song is "Scum Bag," okay? And all you gotta do is sing "Scum Bag." Right on, brothers and sisters, let's hear it for the Scum Bag! Scum Bag Scum Bag Come on, come on, come on Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag

Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag, baby, Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag, baby Scum Bag, baby Scum Bag, baby Scum Bag, baby Scum Bag to me, baby Scum Bag (Scum Bag to me, baby) Scum Bag Scum Bag (Scum Bag to me baby) Scum Bag SCUM BAG Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag Do the Scum Bag, hey Scum Bag Scum Bag (Scum Bag, hey) Scum Bag Scum Bag Answer now Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum Bag, Scum Bag, Scum Bag Scum Bag . . . Ooh, Scum Bag Scum Bag Scum-bag Scum-bag Scum-baaag Scum-baaag Scum-baaaaag Scum-baaaag, scum-baaaag, scum-baaag . . . FZ: Good night, boys and girls! 26. A Small Eternity With Yoko Ono (Lennon, Ono) Fillmore East, NYC June 6, 1971 (late show) FZ: Good night! John Lennon: Good night, thank you! Yoko Ono: Thank, thank you John Lennon: We'd like to thank Frank for having us on here Yoko Ono: Yeah, he's great, isn't he? He's the greatest . . . disc 2 A TYPICAL DAY ON THE ROAD, PART 2 (M.O.I.) 1. Beer Shampoo

Mark: That's the kind of guy [...] Aynsley: When you just stopped it was running on your head Howard: Well I had to do an Edward Arnold slow-burn, man, there was nothing else I could do, 'cept play it for all it was worth Aynsley: I said the only other thing to do is go get another can of beer and pour it over HIS head . . . Howard: Well, it was already getting silly, man. I mean, it was remedial as it is, I think . . . FZ: Ha ha! Howard: Let's not make it too childish Aynsley: [...] Mark: Every night for a year and a half, man, no matter how sick I was, or how I felt on stage . . . ?: Howie [...] Mark: He, I used to sing, he used to sing "How is the weather" in "Happy Together" and pour a whole glass of water over my head, man, and he liked it so much that he made it an integral part of the show, the kids loved it, so I just let it keep happening Aynsley: He can't stand it, man, that's all . . . Mark: And you're just a pansy ass, kiss ass little girl . . . ?: Ha ha ha! Mark: Simmons! Howard: Beer is another thing, man! I'm fucking soaked! Mark: They use beer in some shampoos, Howard Howard: I don't give a shit, that's all I know it that water would dry up and not stain, and he ruined my shoes, man! I can't believe it ?: Ohhh! Mark: Materialist! Howard: Hey lookit, Pat McGregor! Mark: Materialistic! Materialistic! Howard: You're the dude who said . . . (scuffle) FZ: Oh oh oh! Mark: Materialist! : Ohhh Howard: Don't do it to you, I don't have any beer, man Aynsley: Okay Mark: "New York's so lonely . . . " Howard: I can't even . . . you keep your hands off me you creep Mark: "And you are the only . . . " Jeff: You creep, ha ha! Howard: Stop it, man! 2. Champagne Lecture Absolutely Free Mothermania Just Another Band From L.A. FZ: You know, a lotsa of people don't bother about their friends in the VEGETABLE KINGDOM. They think, "What can I say? What can a person who is new to the Midwest say to a vegetable?" Howard: Suss it out, wankers! Mark: Suss it out, wankers! Mark & Howard: Suss it out, wankers! Jeff: Suss it out, wankers FZ: Suss it out, wankers! Mark & Howard: Suss it out, wankers! Aynsley: Suss it out, wankers . . . what's the matter with you? Howard: Aynsley Dunbar! FZ: And after sussed it out, wankers . . . Mark: Ok FZ: You go and get yourself a big bottle of champagne! Mothers: AAAH! FZ: Find yourself a young vegetable victim! Mothers: Yeah! FZ: Take your young vegetable victim . . . Step one, now this is very important, you have to do it exactly this way. Bring the band on down behind me, boys, this gets technnical! First: You get a Polaroid camera . . . Mothers: Yeah! FZ: And you make one good jump, from a balcony to another balcony on the seventh floor of the Sheraton Hotel in Jacksonville Howard: Aynsley Dunbar, ladies and gentlemen FZ: When you land on the other balcony with your Polaroid camera, something like this . . .

Mothers: Heeey! FZ: Shoot off one good flashbulb catching . . . The agent will immediately turn around and say, "You know, I sure would like to have that photograph." You walk up to the agent and say, "Well, ha, funny you should mention it, I have this photograph here and just about time to develop it, yes it turned out great, it shows both of you here, and I'll give you this photograph if you'll give me the munchkin vegetable that you're with in order that I might make a few more pictures . . . " So you make a quick trade, holding the champagne bottle in abeyance until the rest of the members of your band have jumped over the same balcony . . . Mothers: Eeeeeeeeh! FZ: And come in and taken their places around the bed where the munchkin vegetable is laid out, posing: Leg up in the air and legs down, legs to the side. Then, after some deft manipulation of the vital parts of the munchkin vegetable . . . Jeff: Hey, I want some baby to hold my tool and squeeze it FZ: With one masterful stroke --you might use several masterful strokes-- shake up the magnum of champagne to a foamy froth, holding your thumb over the end of it . . . Aynsley: No, no, no . . . not the cork in, Frank, you pull the cork out . . . Suss it out, wankers! Howard: They're a hip audience, Frank, they know what's gonna happen next! FZ: After the band has given you their complete attention, and is watching closely for the precise moment of the detonation of the alcoholic beverage into the vital organ, you give a sort of casual glance around the bedroom of the Sheraton, a suave little smile and wink one eye, adjust your bow tie, and just stuff it right in there! Mothers: Aaaah! FZ: And then you tell 'em how you feel. You whip it right out, take a snort off of it . . . Howard: How do you feel? Mark: Aynsley Dunbar . . . FZ: No, no, no . . . 3. Childish Perversions ?: Oh, still drinks it, man . . . what a man! Gotta prove himself! ?: Talk about childish perversions! ?: Where's Simmons? ?: It don't matter, he's in the, he's gettin' out of it, man, he's no. . . Aynsley: He knew what he's got out, man Howard: I'll get him in it . . . Aynsley: Lemme, lemme tell you something . . . Howard: Say, you give me the cue and you let me know when is safe . . . Aynsley: Ok, man, I don't mind being poured on my head, when I'm saturate . . . you can pour it on my head, any time Howard: I don't wanna pour it on your head, man George: What I'm waiting for, man? Aynsley: Just shut up, Georgie ?: There he is, man Howard: Fucking creep, I can't even stand it! You, you're so child I can't even believe it, man! Mark: For a year and a half you used to pour water over my head Howard: Water! It's what . . . I could have stood water! ?: Well, what I'm saying is . . . Howard: He did it to me ?: A little bit . . . Howard: A little bit? Feel that! It's still wet, man! ?: Well, listen, [...] look at that ?: We'll listen, man ?: Take me ?: Take me ?: I don't wanna hear . . . ?: Take me! ?: Take me, I'm yours! ?: I'll take you late, man! ?: It don't mean anything now, man! I hear you ranting and raving and you were gonna get me, man Mark: What are you saying, man? ?: I was up on the second floor of the stairs, he's goin', "Wow, man!" [...] his voice it was getting uptight with eeeeeh! Mark: What are you talking about, man? Nobody plotted to get you! You [...]

?: No, I mean just now! Mark: You . . . Oh, that! ?: I didn't mean . . . No one plotted get me, no one wants to get me Mark: Howard did ?: Now you do Mark: I wanna get you . . . I'm gonna get you ?: Oh, yeah . . . get me, man 4. Playground Psychotics ?: Put that mike down, Frank, it's obscene ?: [...] George: Give me my little cup of brown sauce, let me dip my meat in ?: Oh, man Jeff: Hundred dollars for Pinto beans, playground psychotics ?: I slipped my burning phallus in her quivering quim! ?: You like to offend these passengers, Underwood? Keep quiet! ?: Underwood, the only thing that offends are your green socks! Green velour! ?: Hot wets ?: Could you, could you repeat that? ?: . . . of your mind ?: Now, just take your hand off my leg ?: Take your hand off my leg ?: Listen, what is this? Okay, grab my tit, I'll sit still, you pervert. Howard, you're so low ?: The Andy Devine school of voice, you are low, Dunbar ?: I just keep . . . Aynsley: I always keep it low ya, 'cause I'm only after one thing ?: God, you are an incredible man ?: Who? ?: Haven't any of the chics you've gone out with seen through you yet? Aynsley: No, man, they're still quite like me 5. The Mudshark Interview includes The Look Of Love (Bacharach/David) and Wives And Lovers (Bacharach/David) as background music FZ: What's your name? Mr Tickman: I'm Martin Tickman FZ: And what is your position here? Mr Tickman: Front office manager FZ: The name of this stablishment is . . . ? Mr Tickman: This is the Edgewater Inn FZ: In Seattle, Washington. Can you tell me, uh, how some rock & roll groups have taken advantage of this unique situation? Mr Tickman: They've taken advantage in different ways, and we do encourage, uh, and advertise that you can fish from your room and we are glad to have our guests fish from 'em FZ: Do you supply them with fishing equipment? Mr Tickman: No, but we have a shop in the hotel that does rent the equipment as well as bait FZ: What sort of bait do they usually use? Mr Tickman: Uh, it's a preserved minnow of some variety, I don't know exactly what the fish is FZ: Well, what do they do after they fish from the window? Mr Tickman: Well, rock & roll bands and other guests as well often catch shark and squid and octopus and usually we, it lands up either in the bath tub or dribbled on the floor on the way to the bath tub FZ: Mm-mmh . . . Mr Tickman: But it's not reserved to, uh, to any rock & roll bands, I mean, other guests do it too FZ: Mm-mmh, but how frequently do you find squids and sharks and octopuses in the bath tubs of the rooms here at the hotel? Mr Tickman: After almost any good weekend of pretty heavy occupancy, say like over half the house filled FZ: If you have over the . . . Mr Tickman: Way, way . . . FZ: . . . over half house filled you'd find one, say? Mr Tickman: Yeah, say, one or something like that

FZ: So how often would you say that is each week? Twice a week you'd find a . . . ? Mr Tickman: Well, I would, I don't know that I would say that it would average to anything like that, you may find on four or five rooms with fish from various places, you know, around. But there's not much you can do with the shark after you've caught him, you know, some of these things are pretty big FZ: What would you imagine is done with these, uh, sharks after they've been caught before they are left, uh, for you to be cleaned up? Mr Tickman: Sometimes the guest calls the houseman or housekeeper to haul it away because there's nothing that they can do with it FZ: Yeah, well. Have you ever heard of any other things that were done with them before they were hauled away? Mr Tickman: Yes, a lot of, some people like to, uh, perform vivisection on 'em, or something like that. Occasionally you find that little bit of mess . . . FZ: Yeah Mr Tickman: I'll say that the, the, the "blood on the carpet" syndrome is rather, eh, rather rare, but it did occasionally happen FZ: Do you ever find fish blood on the sheets of your beds here? Mr Tickman: Not identifiable as such, no . . . FZ: I see. Do you know of any stories about, uh, bizarre sexual activities performed with squid, octopus and mud sharks here in your rooms? Mr Tickman: No . . . I should think a mud shark would be a little uncomfortable, since their skin is so sandy but, uh, never heard of anyone having it with an octopus 6. "There's No Lust In Jazz" ?: Okay, it's, uh, just about time, you guys, what d'you say? ?: [...] ?: Uh . . . ?: One? ?: Rolling? ?: Rolling . . . Frank is rolling ?: Rolling? It's rolling . . . ? ?: One! ?: Test two ?: Test . . . three ?: Oh, now this is what I call brotherly love ?: Man, chics are really harm, man. Now there are tits ?: Hey you're taking between that baby [...] Aaaaah . . . ?: No stopping! ?: Oh, I'm telling you . . . ?: There is a chic where I'm hung ?: Oh yes . . . And she enjoys every moment ?: She wants you Dick ?: She's waiting for your big . . . ?: Now listen ?: Bwana? ?: She said give me the guy with the throb AAH! ?: Oh . . . really? ?: Okay, enough ?: What can you say? ?: See you later ?: See, this is what happens when you join up a rock group, George, get off that jazz syndrome . . . there's no lust in jazz 7. Botulism On The Hoof Howard: Oh, that's really great! Botulism on the hoof! Dick: Don't even look at it, Howard, you're over the deadline Jeff: The new fascist ensemble says that you can't have anything to eat, man, 'cause you're over the deadline Howard: What's that mean? Dick: I told you to be down here at noon, man, you're five minutes late, so you can't order, listen, listen . . . Howard: You . . . told [...], man Dick: These guys ordered like ten minutes ago Howard: It's like having Ronald Reagan for a road manager . . . what can you make me in two minutes?

Dick: The deal is that, uh . . . Howard: . . . besides sick! Dick: If you help me, uh, . . . for the airport, man, you be able to woof down some kind of scarf out there Howard: What do you mean, "Woof down some kind of scarf out there"? Dick: Then you can stick your fingers in your nose Howard: I'm hungry, man Dick: Eat a payday candy bar Howard: Listen, how about a little dry cereal? How 'bout an orange juice Dick: Never happened, man Jeff: Hey, get it on tape, that Barber is a doofus, man 8. You Got Your Armies Jeff: Let me tell you right now, man, you got your armies, you got your rock bands. You try and turn a rock band into an army, this is what you get 9. The Spew King Howard: I think the big problem, Ian, is that it sort of gotta go "HOO-HAA!" as you do it. HOO-WAAARGH! Ian: You're gonna be the king, the spew king, really ?: Disintegrated in two seconds Howard: Walter Dale ?: Oh, God, there's a few people here, I didn't ?: There are a lot people here ?: My God ?: They're all twelve years old and pimply Aynsley: Are they penetratable? 10. I'm Doomed Howard: We gotta do two shows tonight? Jeff: Yeah. I hope you didn't use up your vital . . . statistics Howard: I'm doomed. Two shows, man . . . Jeff: And there're two shows in Portland, I mean Dick: Yeah. Howard: Couldn't have spared me another twenty minutes sleep, another three hours worth of sleep, could have driven down? Dick: I cut it to the bare minimum, Howard Howard: Yeah, man, you're OD'ing on Preparation H at this very moment 11. Status Back, Baby Absolutely Free includes a quote from Petrushka (Stravinsky) Fillmore East, NYC June 5-6, 1971 FZ: Of course we'll send the penguin through the flaming hoop tonight! Guy In The Audience: "Concentration Moon"! FZ: Of course we'll play "Concentration Moon" for you! One, two, three, four . . . Ooo-Ooo-Ooo etc., etc., AH-AH WA WA WA WA WA WA WAH! I'm losin' status at the high school I used to think that it was my school . . . WOW WOW WOW! I was the king of every school activity But that's no more . . . oh mama! What will come of me?

The other night we painted posters We played some records by the Coasters WOW WOW WOW! A bunch of pom-pom girls looked down their nose at me. They had painted tons of posters; I had painted three. I hear the secret whispers everywhere I go My school spirit is at an all-time low . . . OH NO! FZ: Of course we'll play "Petrushka"! I'm losing status at the high school I used to think that it was my school . . . WOW WOW WOW! Everyone in town knows I'm a hand-some football star I sing & dance & spray my hair & drive a shiny car I'm friendly & I'm charming . . . I belong to De Molay I'm gonna try like mad to get my status back today! Status back baby Status back baby Status back baby Status back baby 12. The London Cab Tape (M.O.I.) London Probably November 29, 1970 Howard: This fucking guy is flipped out, man! I'll be locked up! ?: Who, me . . . ? Yeah, you too! ?: It was anti-semitic of me to bring it up ?: Why, you don't like Jews, man? ?: Let me make it perfectly clear, [...] I don't mind that you are Jew, stay out . . . Take your Bar Mitzvah man, and shove it ?: I never had a Bar Mitzvah ?: You ever had a Yamulka, man? ?: No, I wore one once, though . . . ?: I knew it ?: What's wrong? You don't like 'em, man? That was [...] my cowboy hat . . . ?: [...] Just keep it out of my way, man, I don't wanna see that Yamulka on stage ever . . . ?: Uh . . . well, I don't know, man, that'd be sorta neat, not in this group of course, but tomorrow ?: Alright, alright . . . ?: Howard Kaylan World! ?: The Yamulka FZ: Ha ha ha! : Dear Frank, thanks for paying a hundred twenty three dollars for my meal in Amsterdam, which I hated! ?: I mean it, man ?: I really enjoy playing in your little own ensemble ?: For a day or so ?: Thanks for bringing a little slice of sunshine into my life ?: Thanks for showing me how sh . . . shitty the music business could really be, I thought I knew ?: Thanks for make [...] worst bass player in the world ?: After six months with the Mothers I figured I've lost everything I've ever had 13. Concentration Moon, Part 1 We're Only In It For The Money Playground Psychotics Fillmore East, NYC June 5-6, 1971 Concentration Moon (Over the camp in the valley) Over the camp in the valley (Concentration Moon)

(OH WHAT A) Concentration Moon (I wish I was back in the alley) Wish I was back in the alley With all of my friends, Still running free: (Running free!) Hair growing out Every hole in me (That's right, you heard right: Hair growing out Every hole in me!) AMERICAN WAY How did it start? Thousands of creeps Killed in the park AMERICAN WAY Try and explain Scab of a nation Driven insane Don't cry Gotta go bye bye SUDDENLY: DIE DIE COP KILL A CREEP! pow pow pow FZ: And speaking of creeps, here they are, ladies and gentlemen . . . 14. The Sanzini Brothers (Underwood, Volman, Kaylan) Fillmore East, NYC June 5-6, 1971 FZ: The Sanzini Brothers! Howard: The Sanzini Brothers! Mark: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight by special request, we're going to repeat a trick that we performed last night. We hope that you will bear with, if you saw it, we hope that you enjoy it again . . . Aynsley: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mark: My brothers Adolf, Rudolph, Pissoff, and Jackoff. The Sanzini Brothers. And we'd like to perform for you tonight the world famous "Sodomy Trick"! Howard: Complete silence, please! FZ: The Sodomy Trick! Quiet . . . Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Ho! Hun! Hey!

mean, it's not very challenging, intellectually, but I wouldn't mind if we did some rock & roll. We could vote on it." Jeff: "Vote on it? For what? To tell Zappa we want to play some good music instead of this comedy shit . . . ?" Aynsley: "I wouldn't mind playing some rock & roll, a bit more commercial, with sort of heavy four part harmony, group vocals and a very heavy beat, that the kids could enjoy. I think we'd definitely make more money that way." Ian: "Maybe after we finish the movie we could play more rock & roll." Mark: "Yeah! We could all quit and form other groups and play more rock & roll." Jeff: "And more blues, extended blues, blues but still down and funky, even though you extended it. George knows what I'm talking about, don't you, George?." George: "Leave me out of this. I come from the jazz world and I know all about these groups that get formed and disappear, with their extensions waving in the moonlight." Mark: "You just calm down there, Duke." Jeff: "Maybe we could all form a group, we could elect a leader . . . Howard . . . we could call it Howard Kaylan World." Ian: "We wouldn't have to have any leader." Jeff: "We could just jam a lot." Aynsley: "But it would have to have a really heavy beat and be really commercial so the kids could enjoy it." Howard: "I wanna get laid! I am so horny I can't stand it!" Jeff: "Listen, if you think for a minute anybody likes this comedy music we've been playing you're crazy. That's why you don't get laid, who wants to fuck a comedian! None of these girls can take you seriously." Mark: "Hang on, you should be careful talking about that kind of stuff." Jeff: "Why? Does he listen?" Ian: "He always listens. He's always watching and listening to all the guys in the band. I've been in the band for years and I know, he always listens, believe me." Jeff: "That's how he gets his material. He listens to us being natural, friendly, humorous and good-natured, then he rips us off, sneaks off into a secret room someplace and boils it in ammonia, and gets it perverted. Then he brings it back to us at a rehearsal and makes us play it." Ian: "I've been in the group for years and let me tell you that is exactly, that is precisely what he does: He steals all his material." Mark: "And the stuff he doesn't steal, Murray Roman writes for him. Listen, without us he'd be nothing!" 16. Concentration Moon, Part 2 We're Only In It For The Money Playground Psychotics Fillmore East, NYC June 5-6, 1971

Little Carl . . . 15. "It's A Good Thing We Get Paid To Do This" Kensington Palace Hotel 1st script reading of "200 Motels" January 18, 1971 Mark: "It's a good thing we get paid to do this. I could be in L.A., getting reamed, listening to an Elton John album." Howard: "Don't even talk about getting reamed. Listen, I've been without female companionship for so long, a career as a Jesuit monk looks inviting, Ian is starting to look good to me." George: "Must be his green velour socks!" Jeff: "You just calm down there, Duke. Mark: "Ever since you left the jazz world to seek fame and fortune in the rock & roll industry . . . " Jeff: "What do you mean rock & roll? This fucking band doesn't even play rock & roll, it's all that comedy crap!!" Ian: "If we played any rock & roll we might make some money. I wouldn't mind playing some rock & roll, uh, I like classical music too, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy playing rock & roll. I

FZ: Carl Sanzini will now join in on the second verse of "Concentration Moon"! Howard: Why don't you? Concentration Moon Over the camp in the valley (OH WHAT A) Concentration Moon Wish I was back in the alley With all of my friends, Still running free: (Carl Sanzini, ladies and gentlemen!) Hair growing out Every hole in me (That's right, you heard right And here's one for little Carl) AMERICAN WAY Threatened by US Drag a few creeps Away in a bus AMERICAN WAY

Prisoner: lock SMASH EVERY CREEP IN THE FACE WITH A ROCK Don't cry (No no no no) Don't cry (No no no, no-no-no no no) Don't cry (No no no no) Don't cry Don't cry, don't cry Don't cry, don't cry Don't shoot (no no no no no) Don't shoot (no no no no no) Don't shoot (no no no no no) Don't shoot (no no no no no) COP KILL A CREEP! COP WANT A CREEP! KILL ANOTHER CREEP! KILL THE FUCKING CREEP!

Just Another Band From L.A. includes quotes from Pomp and Circumstance March No. 1 in D major (Edward Elgar), Mr. Tambourine Man (Bob Dylan), Johnny's Theme (Paul Anka), Off We Go Into The Wild Blue Yonder (Crawford), O Mein Papa (Paul Burkhard) and Star-Spangled Banner (Smith/Key) Fillmore East, NYC June 5-6, 1971 BILLY the Mountain BILLY the Mountain A regular picturesque Postcardy mountain Residing between lovely Rosamond and Gorman With his stunning wife ETHELL, A tree! A tree!

17. Mom & Dad We're Only In It For The Money Fillmore East, NYC June 5-6, 1971 Mama! Mama! Someone said they made some noise The cops have shot some girls & boys You'll sit home & drink all night They looked too weird . . . it served them right Never take a minute just to show a real emotion In between the moisture cream & velvet facial lotion? Ever tell your kids you're glad that they can think? Ever say you loved 'em? Ever let 'em watch you drink? Ever wonder why your daughter looked so sad? (So sad!) It's such a drag to have to love (Oh, it's such a drag to have to love) A plastic Mom & Dad Mama! Mama! Your child was killed in the park today Shot by the cops as she quietly lay By the side of the creeps she knew . . . They killed her too. FZ: Thank you! Mark: There's lots of dancing in this, you know, it's k-, kinda like Off Broadway, way off . . .

BILLY was a mountain ETHELL was a tree Growing off of his shoulder BILLY was a mountain ETHELL was a tree Growing off of his shoulder Billy had two big Caves for eyes, With a cliff for a jaw That would go up 'n down, And whenever it did, He'd puff out some dust, And hack up a boulder (HACK!) Hack up a boulder (HACK! HACK!) Hack up a boulder (HACK! HACK! HACK!) Hack up a boulder Now, one day, a man in a checkered suit drove up in a big Lincoln Continental, and he laid a HUGE, BULGING ENVELOPE right at the corner of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, right where his 'foot' was supposed to be. Now, BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, he couldn't believe it! All those postcards he'd posed for, for OVER THESE YEARS, and finally, now, AT LAST, his Royalties!

Studio Tan Läther

Royalties! Royalties . . . Royalties! Royalties . . . Royalties!

Fillmore East, NYC June 5-6, 1971

BILLY THE MOUNTAIN was RICH! His eyeball-caves widened in amazement, his cliff (which was his jaw), it dropped thirty feet!

18. Intro To Music For Low Budget Orchestra

Howard: Ready, Marge? Mark: Photography by Art Laboe Howard: Grow, little trees!

Ooh, a bunch of dust puffed out! Rocks and boulders hacked up, (hack! hack! hack! hack hack! hack! hack!) crushing 'The LINCOLN'!

FZ: It's spring, the time of the year when all things grow and little buds are sprouting off of them . . .

Now, the man in the checkered suit, well, without his car he went screaming off into the desert at sunset (AAAA-AAA-AAAAH!) all the way to Rosamond to get a beer and tell everybody there including Ronnie Cook what had happened to his car.

19. Billy The Mountain

I gave him the money He acted real funny He hocked up a rock and It TOTALLED my car! Oh, do you Know any trucks Might be bound for THE VALLEY? I don't wanna stand here All night in this bar (Dear Lord) I don't wanna stand here All night in this bar (No shit!) I don't wanna stand here All night in this bar! By two o'clock, and the bars are already closed down, BILLY had already broken 'THE BIG NEWS' to ETHELL. With dust and boulders everywhere, BILLY, choked with excitement, announced . . . "ETHELL, we're going on a VACATION!" Yes, and they WERE going on a vacation! (Oh, and ETHELL, ETHELL, ETHELL, ETHELL just like a woman, of course she was delighted! She creaked a little bit, and some old birds flew off of her . . . Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song . . . ) BILLY told ETHELL they were going to . . . They were going to NEW YORK! "ETHELL, we're going to . . . New York!" But first they were gonna stop in LAS VEGAS . . . It's off to LAS VEGAS to check out the lounges Pull a few handles, Drink a few beers, (Oh, ETHELL!) ETHELL, my darling, you know that I love you! I'm glad we could have a Vacation this year! (Oh, NEET-O!) Glad we could have a Vacation this year! They left that night, crunchin' across the Mojave Desert . . . their voices echoing through the canyons of your minds

LUNCHED! By a FAMOUS MOUNTAIN-IN and his SMALL, WOODEN WIFE. Good bye to LAS VEGAS Farewell to the lounges We pulled a few handles We drank a few beers (CHA-KA-LA-KA-LAH!) Guess that GEORGE PUTNAM Should be on the air now With the biggest new story That has broken this year (GEORGE PUTNAM!) His biggest new story That has broken this year (Take it away, George!) "Word just in to the KTTV News Service undeniably links THIS MOUNTAIN and HIS WIFE to drug abuse and pay-offs as part of a San Joaquin Valley SMUT RING! However, we can assure parents in the Southern California area that a recent NARCOTICS CRACKDOWN, in Torrance, Hawthorne, and Lomita, will provide the SECRET EVIDENCE the Palmdale Grand Jury has needed to seek a CRIMINAL INDICTMENT, and pave the way for STIFFER LEGISLATION, increased FEDERAL AID, and AVERT A CRIPPLING STRIKE of Bartenders and Veterinarians throughout the INLAND EMPIRE. But it is This Reporter's Opinion that ETHELL is a FORMER COMMUNIST . . . " WITHIN THE WEEK, Jerry Lewis had hosted a Telethon ("Wah wah wah, nice lady!") to raise funds for the injured (injured . . . ) and homeless (homeless . . . ) in Denver, as BILLY had just levelled it, and, a few miles right outside of town, BILLY caused a 'Oh Mein Papa' in the Earth's crust, right over the SECRET UNDERGROUND DUMPS where they keep the POOLS OF OLD POISON GAS, and OBSOLETE GERM BOMBS, just as a FREAK TORNADO cruised through . . . (My baby, my baby, my baby, my baby) AH! (My baby, my baby, my baby, my baby) POO-AHH! (My baby, my baby . . .) . . . sucking up two thirds of it (SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!) for UNTIMELY DISPERSAL over VAST STRETCHES of THE MID WEST!!! Now, it was about this time, I think it was right outside of Columbus, Ohio that BILLY got his NOTICE TO REPORT for his INDUCTION PHYSICAL. Now, believe me, ETHELL said she wasn't gonna let him go! "I'm not gonna let you go, BILLY!"

"ETHELL, wanna get a cuppa cawfee?" (Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's!) "Ahhh! there's a HOWARD JOHNSONS! Wanna eat some CLAMS?" The first noteworhty piece of real estate they destroyed was EDWARDS AIR FORCE BASE . . . And TO THIS VERY DAY, 'Wing Nuts' and Data Reduction Clerks alike, speak in reverent whispers about that fateful night when TEST STAND #1 and THE ROCKET SLED ITSELF got

And GEORGE PUTNAM, the RIGHT-WING CREEPO FASCIST PIG NEWSCASTER from Los Angeles said . . . (Take it away GEORGE PUTNAM, the RIGHT-WING FASCIST RADICAL CREEPO PIG NEWSCASTER from Los Angeles!) "We now have CONFIRMED REPORTS from an INFORMED ORANGE COUNTY MINISTER, that ETHELL is still an ACTIVE COMMUNIST, and it's This Reporter's Opinion that she also practices WITCH-CRAFT!" It was about this time that the telephone rang in the SECRET BRIEFCASE belonging to THE ONE MORTAL MAN who might be able to stop all of this senseless destruction and save 'AMERICA HERSELF'!

Now, some men say he looked like (he looked like) FELIX PAPPALARDI (Felix Pappalardi); still others say (others say), bullshit, man (bullshit, man) he was just born (he was born) next to the Frozen Beef Pies at GRISTEDE'S (Frozen Beef Pies). Still others say (others say he was just another), uh-huh, and uh-huh again, he was just a crazy Italian (crazy Italian) who drove a RED CAR. You see it was hard to tell (but nobody knows), nobody knew for sure (for sure), he was so (so-o-o-o-o-o) mysterious (mysterious), oh yes, he was . . . HE WAS SO (He was so, he was so!) MYSTERIOUS! HE WAS SO MYSTERIOUS! 'Cuz when a person gets to be Such a HERO, folks, And MARVELOUS BEYOND COMPUTE, You can never REALLY TELL About a GUY LIKE THAT (Whether he's really a NICE PERSON Or if he just SMILES A LOT), (What?) Or if he has a son named 'PINOCCHIO', Or what? Whether he's really a NICE PERSON or if he has a son named 'PINOCCHIO' or what? Some men say he could FLY Some men say he could SWIM Others say he could SING (like NEIL SEDAKA), And all the girls in FLUSHING Would be AMAZED of HIM (Two, Three!) AMAZED of HIM! Time passing (right!) . . . January, February . . . 1975, 1986 . . . March, 1914 . . . So when the phone rang (thank you) In the secret briefcase, (Thank you) A strong masculine hand With a wristwatch And flexy bracelet GRABBED IT And answered In a deep, calmly assured voice: "Yes, this is he! What? . . . A mountain . . . with a tree growing off of its shoulder . . . ? You're fulla shit, man . . . what? Wha-, uh, are, are you sure? Oh well, alright, let me write this down then, sorta take a few notes here . . . To NEW YORK? Causing UNTOLD DESTRUCTION?" (My baby, my baby, my baby, my baby, OH! My baby, my baby, my baby, my baby, My baby, my baby, My baby, my baby, my baby, My baby, my baby) UH-OH! (My baby, my baby, my baby) AHH! "Wanted for DRAFT EVASION? Can I, can I fly there immediately and REASON WITH HIM? An expense account? And per diem, too?"

SOME MEN SAY HE COULD DANCE! Yes, he could DANCE. And here it is, Ladies and Gentlemen: THE STUDEBAKER HOCH DANCING LESSON & COSMIC PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE featuring Aynsley Dunbar . . . Twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly . . . Hey! RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH (Professional) LEFT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH (Exquisite) RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH (Homunculus) LEFT HAND FROM THE LEFT SHOULDER TO THE HEART-Uh Twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly . . . Hey! There were a number of rumors circulating about STUDEBAKER HOCH recently. Consider if you will the rumors that have spread that he could write THE LORD'S Prayer on the head of a pin! Some men say he could write THE LORD'S Prayer On the head of a Head of a Head of a pin Ah! (Three Dog Night) (Yeah) Other still maintain the FACT! (Good God!) He was born next to the Frozen Beef Pies (And that was the main influence on HIM!) Boldly springing into action, he phoned his wife (who ran a modeling school), WHEREUPON SHE . . . HE ran around the back of 'GIMBEL'S' to see if he could find some big un-used cardboard boxes . . . After which, he hit up GRISTEDE'S for some 'KAISER BROILER FOIL', some 'AUNT JEMIMA SYRUP', and a pair of blunt scissors! Hey-hey! Yes, and in the parking lot across the street from the One Fifth Avenue Hotel (in between a pair of customized trucks where nobody was looking), he cut out a pair of really, really NICE WINGS, and he covered 'em thoroughly with foil . . . thoroughly with foil thoroughly with foil . . . thoroughly with foil . . . thorougly with foil . .. TH-thor-thorough-LY with FOIL-L Th-th--thorough-LY wi-TH wi-TH FOIL-L-L! Then he took those 'WINGS' and wedged one under each of his powerful arms and sneaked into a telephone booth . . . He CLOSED THE DOOR! And he pulled down his grey denim Busdriver type pants, and he spread even amounts of AUNT JEMIMA syrup all over the inside of his legs, right underneath his boxer pretty shorts, ha ha ha! Soon the booth was filling with flies! (Help me, help me, help me!) He held open the legs of his boxer shorts so they could all get in . . . Yes! And when each and every one of those little, each and every one of those little cocksuckin' flies had gone into his boxer shorts,

and was lapping up all that good AUNT JEMIMA syrup, he bent over and he put his head between his legs and he said to those little flies in a clear, impressive voice . . .

They keep leading him on 'Cause ETHELL is gone And THE MOUNTAIN she's on

"NEW YORK!"

We join STUDEBAKER HOCH standing on the edge of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN's mouth.

. . . and the booth and everything lifted up, out of the parking lot, and into the sky! STUDEBAKER HOCH YEAH, YEAH STUDEBAKER HOCH STU-DE-BAKER HOCH! STUDEBAKER HOCH YEAH, YEAH STUDEBAKER HOCH STU-DE-BAKER HOCH! He's coating his legs With AUNT JEMIMA syrup up and down! His shorts'll be filled with flies That will be buzzing all around! (Help me, help me, help me!) Stoodlabaker Hoch: He's really outa sight! Stoodlabaker Hoch: He does it every night! Stoodlabaker Hoch: He treats the flies all right STOODLA-BAKER HOCH That's why they never bite, hey! (Please to New York! Fly to New York!) He could be a DOG Or a FROG Or a LESBIAN QUEEN!

"BILLY? I've come to REASON with you! Our GREAT COUNTRY needs you in the Armed Forces! Why, it's all fair and square, the LOTTERY, you know? Your NUMBER came up . . . you can't go on running like this forever." ETHELL shook her twigs angrily, but STUDEBAKER HOCH, UNferturbed, continued . . . "Listen, you (cough cough) . . . listen, you COMMUNIST SON-OFA-BITCH! You better get your ass down there for your fuckin' physical, or I'll see to it that you get used for FILL DIRT in some impending New Jersey MARSH RECLAMATION . . . and your girlfriend here will wind up disguised as a series of brooms, primitive ironing boards (or a DOG HOUSE) . . . get the (cough, cough), GET THE PICTURE?" BILLY just laughed: "HO, HO, HO! If they think they're gonna draft ME, they're CRAZY!" Now you'd remember that STUDEBAKER HOCH was standing on the edge of BILLY's mouth, so that when he laughed, he lost his balance and unfortunately fell, screaming, two hundred feet into the rubble below! "Aaahhhhhhhh . . . " (That was only one hundred feet, you Carnaby cutie, LET'S HEAR ANOTHER SET!) "Aaahhhhhhhh . . . " Which only goes to prove . . .

(Fly to New York!) He could be a NARK Or a LADY MARINE! Or he might play dirty! He's OVER THIRTY! (Getting old? Say! I don't know!) His peculiar attire And the flies he require Keep leading him on 'Cause ETHELL is gone And THE MOUNTAIN she's on (Please to New York! Fly to New York!)

A Mountain is something You don't wanna fuck with You don't wanna fuck with Don't fuck around (Don't fuck around) Don't fuck with BILLY And don't fuck with ETHELL (You saw what just happened To the guy with the flies!) DON'T FUCK AROUND! DON'T FUCK AROUND! DON'T FUCK AROUND! DON'T FUCK AROUND! DON'T FUCK AROUND! DON'T FUCK AROUND! DON'T FUCK AROUND!

(Fly to New York!) With (I don't know!) His peculiar attire And the flies he require Keep leading him on 'Cause ETHELL is gone

Biddilly, Biddilly Biddilly, Biddilly, Biddilly

Kensington Palace Hotel 1st script reading of "200 Motels" January 18, 1971

BIDDILLY THE MOUNTIN-INNNNNNN! BIDDILLY THE MOUNTIN-INNNNNNN! FZ: Thank you for coming to our concert. Good night. THE TRUE STORY OF 200 MOTELS Pinewood Studios, UK January 28-February 5, 1971 (except where indicated)

Mark: "Howard . . . he's right! Ha ha ha!" Howard: "I know he is. You might as well admit it too, Simmons." Jeff: "Right . . . it's pathetic. He's making me do this. I can't help myself. Suicide imminent . . . " Mark: By the time we actually get to doing this, man, it'll just be two reels. 23. Going For The Money Jeff: Smurf mee! Howard: Smurf meee! Jeff: Metz. Right Howard? Howard: Right Jeff, we're going for the money, all the way

20. "He's Watching Us" Kensington Palace Hotel 1st script reading of "200 Motels" January 18, 1971 Howard: "It's him, he's watching us!" Mark: "You think he heard us?" Ian: "I've been in the band for years, and . . . you can bet that he heard everything." Jeff: "Let's go over and pretend to be nice to him." Howard: "Let's go over and pretend we don't know he's watching." Mark: "And ripping off all our good material." Howard: "Hi, man." Ian: "Hi, Frank." Mark: "Hi, man." Jeff: "Hi, Frank." Aynsley: "Hi, man." George: "Hi, Frank." Mark: "Boy, that's a great new comedy song you wrote, that one about the penis and everything, I was laughing a lot while I was learning it." Howard: "Yeah, Frank, uh, it was a little hard to get into at first, but, uh, once we got the drift . . . " Jeff: "That's a real great part you got in there for the chorus when they go 'Ran Tan Toon Toon Na Na Hanninn' whereI steal the room and everything, I don't mind he's ripping it off so long as I get paid . . ." Mark: "Me too, I don't even care about the part where he goes, 'What can I say about this elixir?' so long as me and Howard and Jeff get credit for special material." Mark: "There's some bad brown acid going around, Aynsley . . . you can take it with a grain of salt, ha ha ha . . . " Aynsley: "I didn't mean to upset you, lads . . . I didn't mean to upset you, lads, but the reason my retorts were so snappy is because he's making me do this, I should imagine he's making you do yours too, isn't he?" Howard: "Get out of here, you creep, you even used to live in his house!" Aynsley: "See you later, lads." 21. If You're Not A Professional Actor FZ: If you're not a professional actor, the easiest thing for you to do, when you only have a week to make a movie is just to be yourself on the screen. So the lines that the people speak in the film, with the exception of some of the real fantasy characters like the Vacuum Cleaner, or the, or what Theodore Bikel says, are all based on the actual speech patterns and the lifestyle of the people who are in the group.

24. Jeff Quits Kensington Palace Hotel 2nd script reading of "200 Motels" January 19, 1971 Jeff: This is what I joined for. This I don't think is pertinent. FZ: In other words, you don't wanna be in the movie. Jeff: Yeah. FZ: You sure? Jeff: Mm-hmm. FZ: Anybody else that doesn't want to be in the movie? . . . Is there anything specific that you don't like about that script? Jeff: No . . . in fact my part is the best part in the movie, I think . . . FZ: You've got the biggest part. Jeff: I didn't know how far this could go. FZ: And why do you think it went so far? Jeff: It was probably boiled in ammonia Howard: I'm curious to know why--like I asked you this morning-why it puts you out so much to do it, man? Unless you're just a little afraid that what you've gotta say is too much what you'd say anyway? Jeff: It is what I'd say. It's exactly-- It's there! Howard: So you're not . . . why you're afraid to say to the people out there what you've been saying to us for months? Jeff: I'm not afraid to say it to the people out there, I'm just afraid to be in this band anymore. Howard: Why? FZ: The lines that are in this film are based on things I've heard people say for years, all the way back to the very beginning. I don't think anybody should have any objection to saying any of those things, because you're playing yourself. Jeff: Should I turn this in? FZ: Sure. 25. A Bunch Of Adventures FZ: From the point that Jeff Simmons quit the group we've had a bunch of adventures trying to find somebody to replace him, not only for the bass parts in the music, but to play the role that he was supposed to play in the film, which is a pretty large part. And, uh, our first candidate for the role was Wilfrid Brambell, who played the grandfather in A Hard Day's Night. So Wilfrid came over, tried out for the part, everything was set, he rehearsed with us for about a week, and then one day came to the studio here, and completely freaked out, and said that he couldn't handle it anymore. So, we went into the dressing room, sat around with the guys in the band, and tried to figure out what we were gonna do about replacing the replacement. And the first person that walked through the door was Martin Lickert, who happened to be Ringo's driver, and, uh, everybody just turned and looked at him and went, "You!"

22. He's Right 26. Martin Lickert's Story

Martin: I just went out to get some cigarettes for him one day and came back and walked into the dressing room and there's Frank and the rest of the Mothers and Ringo, few other people, and I walked in the room and they all went, "Yeah!" I said, "Yeah what?" You know, "Would, would you like to try Jeff's part?" You know, so I just tried that, and it seemed to work okay. Interviewer: Mm-mmh . . . Martin: So Frank said, "Well, if you can play, play bass, you can try playing with the group as well." FZ: So he took the script and he read it and he sounded good and then just quite by accident, we found out that he was a bass player. I think he's good for the part, is, uh, quite professional on screen and as a bass player he's not astonishing but, uh, he can make the parts. 27. A Great Guy Howard: Well, the character I play is a great guy, you see, right away that gives me a start. Uh, on the other hand, half of it's reality and half of it isn't, you know? Where the line is, it's sometimes even hard for the players to tell, you know. It's just that when you look at your script some lines come easier than other lines, you know, and usually those are the ones that you've said before, or feel that you could say quite honestly, you know, and some of the other things were made up and it, it comes out that way. 28. Bad Acting Mark: Ever since you left the jazz world to seek fame and fortune in the rock & roll industry . . . Martin: Rock & roll! What d'ya mean rock & roll? This fucking band doesn't even play rock & roll, it's all that comedy crap. 29. The Worst Reviews

weird movie. By the time this turkey comes out, man, I mean, there still won't be anything out close to it. 30. A Version Of Himself Mark: Well uh . . . I play a version of myself as Frank sees me, you know, like, you know what I mean? Interviewer: No Mark: It's not, uh, he sees the group from . . . like we see him from one point of view and he sees us from another place, this was written around like where, you know, the folklore that each member had brought to create the image that we portray, like, uh, some of the scenes have happened before, specifically the, the hotel room scene where the group sits and talks about how Frank is not important to what the group is and . . . that scene I remember happening many times, uh, just the whole idea that it is Frank Zappa & The Mothers Of Invention has always given us something to talk about, you know, Frank is, you know, our boss and so there's always that kinda management, uh, worker relationship that, you know, that just happens, it isn't like you, you plan for it to happen, it just does . . . 31. I Could Be A Star Now Martin: What do you do? You join the Mothers and you end up working for Zappa! And he makes you be a creep! You could have played the blues with John Mayall, or far-out exciting jazz with Blood, Sweat & Tears. Don: You really think so? Martin: Look, no one'll ever take you seriously after this . . . how can they take you seriously? In this business you either gotta play the blues or sing with a high voice. Don: You're right, I never should have joined the Mothers. Why, I could be a star now! Oh . . .

Howard: From 200 Motels he expects the worst reviews of any movie ever put out, and I said, "Yeah, Frank? Why is that?" And he says, "Well, nobody's ready for it . . . " But it doesn't really matter, you know? He knows that the kids are gonna go see it, because it's a

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ German transcription on "Divan" from ARF: Notes and Comments Original transcription for new material by Román With lots of corrections and additions by Fredrik Johansson and John W. Busher Further corrections and additions by Román, Patrick Neve, Tony, Charles Ulrich, Joefor Sotcaa and Matt Olmos

Ahead Of Their Time (Mothers Of Invention, CD, Barking Pumpkin D2 74246, April 20, 1993) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20.

Prologue 3:07 Progress? (Preston/Underwood/Gardner/Tripp/Sherwood/FZ) 4:44 Like It Or Not 2:21 The Jimmy Carl Black Philosophy Lesson (Black/FZ) 2:01 Holding The Group Back (Estrada/Underwood/FZ) 2:00 Holiday In Berlin 0:56 The Rejected Mexican Pope Leaves The Stage 2:55 Undaunted, The Band Plays On 4:34 Agency Man 3:17 Epilogue 1:52 King Kong 8:13 Help, I'm A Rock 1:38 Transylvania Boogie 3:07 Pound For A Brown 6:50 Sleeping In A Jar 2:24 Let's Make The Water Turn Black 1:51 Harry, You're A Beast 0:53 The Orange County Lumber Truck (Part I) 0:47 Oh No 3:22 The Orange County Lumber Truck (Part II) 10:40 Produced & Arranged by Frank Zappa re-mix engineer: Bob Stone re-mix facility: UMRK cover art by Cal Schenkel Recorded at: Royal Festival Hall, London October 25, 1968 THE MUSICIANS: FZ--Guitar & Vocals Ian Underwood--Alto Sax & Piano Bunk Gardner--Tenor Sax & Clarinet Euclid James Motorhead Sherwood--Baritone Sax & Tambourine Roy Estrada--Bass & Vocals Don Preston--Electric Piano & Odd Noises Arthur Dyer Tripp III--Drums & Percussion Jimmy Carl Black--Drums assisted by members of The BBC Symphony Orchestra

1. Prologue 3:07

• Orchestral Favorites • London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II

Don: This makes me nervous I'm gonna go do some yoga. Ian: Yeah, you'd better. FZ: Meanwhile, Dom DeWild, under pressure, prepares to unwind with some healthy yoga exercises. FZ: This is Euclid Motorhead Sherwood.

2. Progress? 4:44 (Preston, Underwood, Gardner, Tripp, Sherwood & FZ)

• The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc ?: Donnie! Bunk: Hey, put that down! Art: What are you doin', man? Don: SILENCE, you fools! Don't you believe in PROGRESS? Bunk: Take that progress and stick it under a ROCK. He have to. Don: We must overthrow the diatonic system. (FZ: Yes.) Art: Bullshit. Don: We're coming to the beginning of a NEW ERA wherein the development of the inner self will be the most important factor. Ian: Donnie, your music is full of shit, and besides that it ain't disciplined. Don: Listen . . . Bunk: Give me four-four. Art: Togetherness. Bunk: Yeah. Ian: Some old melodies. Don: Look, playing . . . Art: Put on a tie! Don: Playing that kind of music and eating meat . . . will never, you'll never be able to see my aura then. Art: I've seen your aura a lot, and it really stinks. Bunk: You've been drinking, Don Ian: I can hear your aura and it's bad, man. Don: Listen, there are many strange things that science doesn't know. Art: Fuck it. Ian: Play any more Bunk: Discipline, you need discipline. Don: No . . . Bunk: Four-four. Don: It's got to be new, it's got to progress, it's got to evolve. THERE MUST BE GROWTH! Bunk: Ah, man. My goodness . . . Don: You've got to eat macrobiotic food. (FZ: We're doing a play.) Don: And study astrology. Delve into the occult world. Ian: Well you can delve all you want but we're formin' a new group . . . go, go and do you some yoga exercises. Don: Look. Ian: Take care of business there. Don: Mark my words . . . If you continue playing this music something strange may happen. Bunk: Don't threaten me . . . (FZ: By the end of the first show . . . ) Don: By the end of the first show . . . No, the second show. FZ: So, at this point in the development of our plot the three talented members of the Mothers of Invention have quit the group to form their own band with a lot of discipline. (Art: Yeah.) FZ: This is what we need, it's a nice disciplined combo! FZ: And so that they would be completely packaged and fit in with the rest of the disciplined combo, the former members of the Mothers of Invention receive their initiation into the robot musical world.

Motorhead: What's the matter with him? Ian: He's nervous 'cause he couldn't play with our new group. Motorhead: Oh, that's nice, look at all those suits. FZ: Motorhead covets the uniforms of the other band. And also shows some interest in the bum of Underwood. Ian: Ayyyy Motorhead: Hey, ten years ago I knew a lot of guys that had suits like these. They're really nice. Hey can I play in the band and get a suit like that too? Ian: No! Motorhead: But I like the suits and I can play good. I can play . . . I can play anything. Ensemble: BOO! BOO! BOO! FZ: Motorhead is lying. He can't play good, he can't play anything. He's trying to con his way into the other band. He knows they don't want him. Bunk: I heard you play before. Motorhead: But I got practicing and play good. Ian: No discipline. FZ: He's lying. He hasn't been practicing, he doesn't do shit. Bunk: Ask me you couldn't even count to four. Art: Come on, beat it, man. Motorhead: You can't do that to me, I'll fix you. Art: Go ahead. Motorhead: I'll get into your band. I'll get into your band. Bunk: Okay Motorhead, just get out of the way. Motorhead: You can't stop me, I'll get in there somehow. Ian: Take a walk, you fruit. Motorhead: There's no way you can stop me, I bet ya! FZ: Motorhead explains to the members of the Robot Combo that nothing can stop him, he will join their group whether they like it or not. 3. Like It Or Not 2:21

• The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 • 200 Motels • Orchestral Favorites • London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II

4. The Jimmy Carl Black Philosophy Lesson 2:01 (Black & FZ)

• The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc FZ: At this very moment Jimmy Carl Black the Indian of the group is approaching the stage. Jimmy Carl, who likes to drink and also likes to boogie all night long and who is also horny,

approaches Underwood in his transformed state at the piano and asks him this all important question: JCB: Hey I thought we were gonna play a Rock & Roll concert. What is this? Ian: Jimmy Carl Black, Indian of the group: four-fours. JCB: How are you gonna get laid if you dont play rock & roll and drink beer? You get laid after the concert if you play rock & roll, this kind of crap you're not gonna, you're not gonna get laid anyway with that uniform on. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna quit I'm gonna go out and hustle me some chick, the hell with you. Ian: Jimmy, you need some discipline. JCB: I'm leaving the group. Ensemble: Boo! Boo! FZ: Jimmy Carl, I must inform you, I must inform you, Jimmy Carl, for your own good, that here in London you're not gonna get any pussy unless you look like a popstar. Fix him up! . . . Mod Jacket . . . (JCB: Oh Jeezus . . . ) FZ: Frilly Mod Neckpiece, Jimi Hendrix wig, and a Feather Boa. JCB: WAAAAAAAAAAHHH! FZ: Jimmy Carl Black enters the audience to hustle some young ladies. Go on Jim, see if you can get any action, and if you get lucky fix us up too. And if you're really lucky, get something for the robots . . . Mmmm, their little mechanical things are going up and down, up and down . . . 5. Holding The Group Back 2:00 (Estrada, Underwood & FZ)

Ian: Okay. You passed the first part of your audition. Now you gotta sing . . . Roy: Mi, mi, mi, mi . . . 6. Holiday In Berlin 0:56

• Burnt Weeny Sandwich • The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc • London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II Poo-lah Poo-la-ah poo-lah Poo-da poo-lah poo-lah poo-oo-lah Wee-ooo-wee-ooo-eee-eee-ooo-ooo Ah-ah-ah ah-aaah-ah-aaah Aa-aa-ah aa-ah Wee-ooo-wee-ooo Aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aah Ensemble: BOOH! BOOH! 7. The Rejected Mexican Pope Leaves The Stage 2:55

• The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc • 200 Motels • Orchestral Favorites • London Symphony Orchestra Vol. II FZ: The rejected Mexican pope leaves the stage.

• The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc FZ: Then, from out of the corner from the stage, comes Roy Ralph Estrada, perturbed at the present situation within the Mothers. Roy: Domino, Domino, Domino Biz-bo-OH, Domino Biz-bo-OH, Amen, Domino Biz-bo, Hallelujah, eh . . . Ian: Et cum spiritu tuo . . . Roy: Ian, I don't think I qualify for the Mothers (FZ: They're making up their lines as they go along, isn't it thrilling?) Ian: Why, Roy? Roy: Because I don't think I'm qualified. I think, I think I'm holding the group back because I'm a MEXICAN. And also because I don't play bass good. Ian: I don't care how you can play bass but we have NO MEXICANS in this group. Roy: And I wanna join your group. Ian: No Mexicans! Roy: I can sing opera, I have already quit, I cut my hair, I got all my shit together here. I can do it. Ian: I don't care how you look you gotta be able to cut the part. Roy: I can sing. Please. Please, Ian, give me a CHANCE. Ian: I don't believe you can sing. Roy: Ah, PLEASE! Ah, Ian, please, hear my PLEA! PLEASE, IAN! PLE-E-E-EASE! I can do it, give me a CHANCE! PLEASE! Please, IAN! (FZ: Try me!) Roy: BWAH-AH-AH-AH! Please! Ian: Okay Mexican Roy: Please? Ian: Okay Mexican Roy: Okay. Ian: Sing this note: Roy (with JCB): You think everything gonna be alright.

Ensemble: TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE ONE, TWO, THREE . . . FZ: Motorhead is attempting to join the band . . . The band . . . Undaunted, the band plays on. 8. Undaunted, The Band Plays On 4:34

• The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc FZ: Meanwhile, the snack enters the mind of Dom DeWild. Ensemble: ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE FZ: It's the macro-biotic food. Don: HA HA HA HA HA! Ensemble: THREE! FOUR! . . . TWO! TWO!

FZ: While the well disciplined Ian Underwood plays his piano solo. Dom DeWild, transformed, begins to sneak up on him. Ensemble: BOOH . . . BOOH . . . BOOH . . . 9. Agency Man 3:17

Help, I'm a rock Help, I'm a rock Help, I'm a rock Help, I'm a rock Alright, sure it's a drag being a rock I wish I was anything but a rock Heck, I would even like to be a policeman

• The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc Sell us a president, agency man Smiling Big Brother, stern father perhaps Sell us a president, agency man A gay smiling nothing we know never craps Let's try California, (Pay us first before we do it!) We'll get a smilin' nazi And march him right on through Rent a baby Kiss a baby Ladies in for tea

And here's a bunch of speeches We'll toss 'em in for free

Sell us a president, agency man Smiling Big Brother, stern father perhaps Sell us a president, agency man A gay smiling nothing we know never craps

We'll sell him in the movies On the tube throughout the year We'll sell him by the buckets To the Okies drinking beer We'll teach him how to walk and talk We'll putty up his chin We'll print his picture everywhere Of course the SCHMUCK will win From the heart of old Death Valley To the ruling of our land A simple trick, you simple pigs Just the way we planned

You know it's a drag being a policeman I think I would rather be the mayor 13. Transylvania Boogie 3:07

• Chunga's Revenge

14. Pound For A Brown 6:50

• Uncle Meat • Zappa In New York • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 • The Yellow Shark

15. Sleeping In A Jar 2:24

• Uncle Meat • Playground Psychotics

16. Let's Make The Water Turn Black 1:51

• We're Only In It For The Money • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol 1 • Make A Jazz Noise Here

10. Epilogue 1:52 17. Harry, You're A Beast 0:53

• The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc

11. King Kong 8:13

• Lumpy Gravy • Uncle Meat • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 • Make A Jazz Noise Here Don: Progress! 12. Help, I'm A Rock 1:38

• Freak Out!

• We're Only In It For The Money • The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol 1 • Make A Jazz Noise Here

18. The Orange County Lumber Truck (Part I) 0:47

• Weasels Ripped My Flesh • Ahead Of Their Time • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 • Roxy & Elsewhere • Make A Jazz Noise Here

19. Oh No 3:22

• Lumpy Gravy • Weasels Ripped My Flesh • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 • Roxy & Elsewhere • Make A Jazz Noise Here

20. The Orange County Lumber Truck (Part II) 10:40

• Weasels Ripped My Flesh • Ahead Of Their Time • You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 • Roxy & Elsewhere • Make A Jazz Noise Here includes a quote from King Kong FZ: I've been informed that when the guy comes out that beats the gong we have to stop playing, because the subways around here shut down early. We'd like to thank you very much for coming to our concert and say goodnight. Nighty night, thank you. Ian: Thank you!

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Original transcription by Hans Hendriks from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Further corrections and additions by Román, Patrick Neve, Chris Ekman, and Charles Ulrich The "Progress?" dialog not in the Mystery Disc is printed this way.

The Yellow Shark (Zappa/Ensemble Modern, November 1993) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19.

Intro 1:43 Dog Breath Variations 2:06 Uncle Meat 3:24 Outrage At Valdez 3:27 Times Beach II 7:30 III Revised 1:44 The Girl In The Magnesium Dress 4:33 Be-Bop Tango 3:43 Ruth Is Sleeping 6:06 None Of The Above 2:06 Pentagon Afternoon 2:27 Questi Cazzi Di Piccione 3:02 Times Beach III 4:25 Food Gathering In Post-Industrial America, 1992 2:48 Welcome To The United States 6:41 Pound For A Brown 2:12 Exercise #4 1:37 Get Whitey 7:00 G-Spot Tornado 5:17 Produced by Frank Zappa Spencer Chrislu: recording engineer & CD mixer Harry Andronis: concert audio engineer Dave Dondorf: stage monitor engineer, technical cooordination Todd Yvega: Synclavier assistant Front cover photo: Fritz Brinckmann, HERZ Art direction & design: Brian Johnson & Jesse di Franco for Command A Studios, Inc. Original yellow shark created by Mark Beam

September, 1992 17-19: Alte Oper Frankfurt 22-23: Philharmonie Berlin 26-28: Wiener Konzerthaus ENSEMBLE MODERN: Peter Rundel Conductor, Violin Dietmar Wiesner Flute Catherine Milliken Oboe, English Horn, Didgeridoo Roland Diry Clarinet Wolfgang Stryi Bass Clarinet, Contrabass Clarinet, Tenor Saxophone Veit Scholz Bassoon, Contrabassoon Franck Ollu Horn Stefan Dohr Horn William Formann Trumpet, Flügelhorn, Piccolo Trumpet, Cornet Michael Gross Trumpet, Flügelhorn, Piccolo Trumpet, Cornet Uwe Dierksen Trombone, Soprano Trombone Michael Svoboda Trombone, Euphonium, Didgeridoo, Alphorn Daryl Smith Tuba Hermann Kretzschmar Piano, Harpsichord, Celeste, Dramatic Reading Ueli Wiget Piano, Harpsichord, Celeste, Harp Rainer Römer Percussion Rumi Ogawa-Helferich Percussion, Cymbalom Andreas Böttger Percussion Detlef Tewes Mandolin Jürgen Ruck Guitar, Banjo Ellen Wegner Harp Mathias Tacke Violin Claudia Sack Violin Hilary Sturt Viola, Dramatic Reading Friedemann Dähn Violoncello Thomas Fichter Contrabass, Electrocontrabass

10. None Of The Above 1. Intro September 19, 1992 Alte Oper, Frankfurt, Germany FZ: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you and thank you. I understand there is a sign in the audience that once again says: "What's the secret word for tonight?" The secret word for tonight is . . . Now, let's get serious, ladies and gentlemen, I know you came here to see really FINE performances by a really FINE modern music ensemble, conducted by a really FINE conductor. And here comes the FINE conductor now, Peter Rundel, ladies and gentlemen! And if you feel like throwing underpants onto the stage, put 'em over there. 2. Dog Breath Variations (arr. Ali N. Askin) Uncle Meat Just Another Band From L.A. You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2

The Yellow Shark Everything Is Healing Nicely

11. Pentagon Afternoon

12. Questi Cazzi Di Piccione

13. Times Beach III

14. Food Gathering In Post-Industrial America, 1992 September 17, 1992 Alte Oper, Frankfurt, Germany

3. Uncle Meat (arr. Ali N. Askin) Uncle Meat You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2

4. Outrage At Valdez 5. Times Beach II

"Food Gathering In Post-Industrial America, 1992." When the last decrepit factory Has dumped its final load of toxic waste into the water supply And shipped its last badly manufactured, Incompetently designed consumer-thing, We gaze in astonishment As the denizens of NU-PERFECT AMERICA dine on rats, Poodles, Styrofoam packing pellets, All floating in a broth of tritium-enriched sewage, Roasting the least-diseased body parts of abandoned 'wild children' (Accumulating since the total ban on abortion a few years back)

6. III Revised The Yellow Shark Everything Is Healing Nicely

7. The Girl In The Magnesium Dress (arr. Ali N. Askin) The Perfect Stranger

8. Be-Bop Tango (arr. Ali N. Askin)

15. Welcome To The United States includes Narrhalla-Marsch (trad.) and a quote from Louie Louie (Richard Berry) September 19, 1992 Alte Oper, Frankfurt, Germany Translation Rainer Römer: Ladies and gentlemen, here he goes, Peter Rundel, he seems to be disgusted. Whatever. Ridero ridera! Heute fängt die Fastnacht aa' Ha ha ha! LAUGH NOW! (HA HA HA HA HA!) Be quiet! Von seiner Werkbank zu uns heute Abend hergekommen ist unser Hermann Kretzschmar wolle mer'n reinlasse? Laugh now! (HA HA HA HA HA!)

Roxy & Elsewhere Welcome to the United States includes The Hook This form must be completed by every nonimmigrant visitor not in possession of a visitor's visa. 9. Ruth Is Sleeping (arr. Ali N. Askin)

Type or print legibly in pen in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. USE ENGLISH. Item 7 - If you are entering the United States by land, enter LAND in this space. (LAND!) If you are entering the United States by ship, enter, unh-unh, SEA in this space.

Do any of the following apply to you? (Answer Yes or No) (No! No! Yes! No! Yes! No!) A. Do you have a communicable disease; (COUGH NOW! Coughs . . . ) physical or mental disorder; or are you a drug abuser or addict?

16. Pound For A Brown Uncle Meat Ahead Of Their Time Zappa In New York You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5

Tell me, Bill, Yes or No. (No) Louder. (No!) B. Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offense or crime involving moral turpitude or a violation related to a controlled substance; or ever been arrested or convicted for two or more offenses for which the aggregate sentence to confinement was five years or more?

17. Exercise #4 Uncle Meat

Answer Yes or No. (Yes! Yes, sir! Yes! No! No! No!) 18. Get Whitey Or been a controlled substance trafficker; or are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities?

Everything Is Healing Nicely

Answer Yes or No. (Yes or No) Thank you! C. Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies? Answer Yes or No. (Yes) Thank you very much! And welcome to the United States! Rainer Römer: Thank you very much! Here they go! Frank Zappa and Hermann Kretzschmar! Back on stage, Peter Rundel! All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos. http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ "Food Gathering" text from the original concert program (thanks, Charles) "Welcome To The United States" text from the original form Transcription of the rest of material by Román Further additions and corrections by Lutz Denker, Charles Ulrich and Moses

19. G-Spot Tornado (arr. Ali N. Askin) Jazz From Hell

Civilization Phaze III (Frank Zappa, December 1994)

disc 1 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19.

"This Is Phaze III" 0:47 Put A Motor In Yourself 5:13 "Oh-Umm" 0:50 They Made Me Eat It 1:48 Reagan At Bitburg 5:39 "A Very Nice Body" 1:00 Navanax 1:40 "How The Pigs' Music Works" 1:49 Xmas Values 5:31 "Dark Water!" 0:23 Amnerika 3:03 "Have You Heard Their Band?" 0:38 Religious Superstition 0:43 "Saliva Can Only Take So Much" 0:27 Buffalo Voice 5:12 "Someplace Else Right Now" 0:32 Get A Life 2:20 "A Kayak (On Snow)" 0:28 N-Lite 18:00

disc 2 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22.

"I Wish Motorhead Would Come Back" 0:14 Secular Humanism 2:41 "Attack! Attack! Attack!" 1:24 I Was In A Drum 3:38 "A Different Octave" 0:57 "This Ain't CNN" 3:20 "The Pigs' Music" 1:17 A Pig With Wings 2:52 "This Is All Wrong" 1:42 Hot & Putrid 0:29 "Flowing Inside-Out" 0:46 "I Had A Dream About That" 0:27 Gross Man 2:54 "A Tunnel Into Muck" 0:21 Why Not? 2:18 "Put A Little Motor In 'Em" 0:50 "You're Just Insultin' Me, Aren't You!" 2:13 "Cold Light Generation" 0:44 Dio Fa 8:18 "That Would Be The End Of That" 0:35 Beat The Reaper 15:23 Waffenspiel 4:04

produced, compiled & edited by Frank Zappa 1967 dialog engineered by Dick Kunc Recorded at Apostolic Studio, NYC 1991 dialog and chamber group pieces engineered by David Dondorf Recorded at UMRK, Hollywood 1991 full ensemble recordings engineered by Todd Yvega and Marque Coy Recorded on the Synclavier Direct-To-Disk System at "Joe's Garage," North Hollywood 1992 Synclavier material and all final mixes engineered by Spencer Chrislu at UMRK, Hollywood Cover design by Uri Balashov 1967 VOICES: Spider Barbour All-Night John (Kilgore) Frank Zappa Euclid James "Motorhead" Sherwood [a.k.a. Larry Fanoga] Roy Estrada Louis "The Turkey" Cuneo Monica Gilly Townley

Unknown Girl #1 (Maxine or Beckie) Unknown Girl #2 (Maxine or Beckie) 1991 VOICES: Moon Unit Zappa Michael Rappaport Ali N. Askin Catherine Milliken Walt Fowler Todd Yvega

Michael Svoboda Michael Gross William Formann Uwe Dierksen Stefan Dohr Daryl Smith Franck Ollu Hermann Kretzschmar Dweezil Zappa Members of the ENSEMBLE MODERN: Dietmar Wiesner Piccolo, Flute, Alto Flute, Bass Flute Catherine Milliken Oboe, English Horn, Baritone Oboe, Didjeridoo Roland Diry Clarinet Wolfgang Stryi Tenor Sax, Bass Clarinet, Contrabass Clarinet Veit Scholz Bassoon, Contrabassoon William Formann Trumpet, Flügelhorn Michael Gross Trumpet, Flügelhorn Franck Ollu French Horn

Stefan Dohr French Horn Uwe Dierksen Trombone, Pygmy Trombone Michael Svoboda Bass Trombone, Alp Horn, Didjeridoo, Conch Daryl Smith Tuba Peter Rundel Violin 1 Mathias Tacke Violin 2 Hilary Sturt Viola Friedemann Dähn Cello Thomas Fichter Contrabass, Electric Bass Detlef Tewes Mandolin Jürgen Ruck Guitar, Banjo Ueli Wiget Harp Hermann Kretzschmar Piano, Celeste Rumi Ogawa-Helferich Cymbalom, Percussion Rainer Römer Musical Saw, Percussion Andreas Böttger Marimba, Percussion And (not credited): Kaigal-ool Khovalyg from Huun-Huur-Tu throatsinging Artis the Spoonman spoons

disc 1 1. "This Is Phaze III" Lumpy Gravy

Girl #1: Soundproof Larry: Well, not really soundproof but it doesn't bother you as much as outside . . . you you sneak in Girl #1: Lucky you found such a big piano, you know Larry: You sneak under the back, see? Way here down here. Get way down here here inside and when you hide in the corner, nobody can find you. See, they can't hear nothing 'cause it's cushioned

includes a quote from Merry-Go-Round (Fischer) 5. Reagan At Bitburg Spider: This is Phaze III. This is also . . . John: Well, get through Phaze I & II first. Spider: Alright, alright. Here's Phaze I . . . FZ: The audience sits inside of a big piano and they listen to it grow. Spider: People are going to sit inside of a piano. They're going to listen to this piano grow. John: They're going to listen to the piano grow? Spider: Listen! Monica: This is going to turn into a . . . Spider: It's going to turn into another Haight-Ashbury. Remember how we commercialized on that scene? John: That was a really good move. Monica: Oh! That was a confession. Spider: Right, man . . . and all it was was like people sitting in doorways freaking out tourists going "Merry Go Round! Merry Go Round! Do-Do-Do-Do Do-Do-Do Do-Do-Do!" and they called that "doing their thing." John: Oh yeah, that's what doing your thing is! Spider: The thing is to put a motor in yourself 2. Put A Motor In Yourself 3. "Oh-Umm" Gilly: Ohh. Umm. Hmm. Girl #1: That's how long I've been here. I've been here ever since, ever since it got dark I've been here. Louis: How did you get in my home? This is my piano. How did you get in here? Motorhead: I thought it was my piano. Louis: It's mine. Roy: Since when? Louis: Since about 10 years ago its mine. Roy: You sure? Louis: Yes, positively. Roy: No, it was mine. Louis: This is a small place, you must be blind you know. Motorhead: Where were you at? Roy: Could have been one nine . . . No, it couldn't have been onenine-oh . . . Louis: It couldn't have been any more . . . How about try, just try 'G' . . . Roy: How did you happen to get in here? Louis: My mother said to me "You're a bad boy, Louis the Turkey. You'd better, you'd you you you'd better go on 'E' and stay on 'E' and you'll never see the world . . . you're a bad boy 'cause you you went to the bathroom on the floor!" you know? Motorhead: Did they make you clean it up? Louis: No, they made me eat it. Roy: Ooh. 4. They Made Me Eat It Girl #1: What's it like when . . . when they play the piano? Does it hurt your ears? Larry: No, I found a corner Girl #1: Yeah Larry: Yeah

6. "A Very Nice Body" Louis: Yes . . . Roy: I kind of miss him Louis: Yeah, me too Roy: Getting on top of him and all Louis: He had a very nice body too Roy: Yeah, even though he was a, a . . . Oh well Louis: A dual personality, you know Roy: Yeah Louis: We have to think of what he's doin' out there? Roy: What did he go out there for anyway? Louis: Maybe . . . Roy: Maybe he wanted to get on top of one of those horse . . . ponies Louis: Yes, maybe he wants to have intercourse with them! Roy: What? Louis: Intercourse! Roy: Well, if he doesn't get clawed first Louis: Yes, that's right. But, maybe, maybe he will find a real nice, a very nice kind horse, you know Roy: A horse, yeah horse. Whore-sss Louis: Boogey-man or something. Something out there. You might find a nice kind . . . Roy: Boogey-man? Louis: Well, something, you know. I don't know what it is myself -a horse -- 'cause human beings, decent human beings. Nice place to live Roy: Beans? You call them human beans? Louis: And then before they turn to be boogey-men or . . . Roy: That's why they came into the Steinway Louis: Yes, that's why 'cause I just couldn't take them anymore, you know. They were vicious, too vicious. So I had to go, I had to, I had to come in here Spider: Like, we can't understand what they're saying to each other John: I know 7. Navanax

8. "How The Pigs' Music Works" Lumpy Gravy Spider: I think I can explain about about how the pigs' music works Monica: Well, this should be interesting Spider: Remember that they make music with a very dense light John: Yeah Monica: O.K. Spider: And remember about the smoke standing still and how they they really get uptight when you try to move the smoke, right? Monica: Right John: Yeah?

Spider: I think the music in that dense light is probably what makes the smoke stand still. As soon as the pony's mane starts to get good in the back any sort of motion, especially of smoke or gas, begins to make the ends split Monica: Well don't the splitting ends change the density of the ponies' music so it affects the density of the pigs' music, which makes the smoke move which upsets the pigs? Spider: No, it isn't like that John: Well, how does it work? Spider: Well, what it does is when it strikes any sort of energy field or solid object or even something as ephemeral as smoke, the first thing it does is begins to inactivate the molecular motion so that it slows down and finally stops. That's why the smoke stops. And also have you ever noticed how the the smoke clouds shrink up? That's because the molecules come closer together. The cold light makes it get so small, this is really brittle smoke John: And that's why the pigs don't want you to touch it Spider: See, when the smoke gets that brittle what happens when you try to move it is it disintegrates John: And the pigs get uptight 'cause you know they, they worship that smoke. They salute it every day Monica: You know we've got something here John: And, and, and, and that's the basis of all their nationalism. Like if they can't salute the smoke every morning when they get up . . . Spider: Yeah, it's a vicious circle. You got it

Motorhead: He's in the wrong piano Louis: No, you're in the wrong piano Roy: No . . . Motorhead: This is a Steinway Louis: You are! Roy: It's not a Baldwin . . . Motorhead: Yeah Roy: It's not even a Wurlitzer FZ: Saliva can only take so much 14. "Saliva Can Only Take So Much" Spider: Saliva can only take so much Louis: Well I got sores. I got my skin burnt uh cut open a couple times. It felt good. Wow, it felt good. And I really, I really climaxed Girl #1: Ahh. In other words, we never even had . . . Ahh Girl #2: We didn't have a chance, baby (Laugh). These holes are just the right size Girl #1: They really look like it, yes . . . indeed, indeed Girl #2: Right . . . Girl #1: Indeed Girl #2: Yeah Gilly: And here's a grave Girl #1: Yeah Girl #2: A grave? Gilly: Yes, a grave

9. Xmas Values 15. Buffalo Voice Buffalo voice! 10. "Dark Water!" Monica: D-a-a-a-a-a-r-r-r-k W-a-a-a-t-e-r-r-r Spider: Yeah, it's trying to say something . . . Monica: D-a-a-a-a-a-r-r-r-k-k-k W-a-a-a-t-e-r-r-r Spider: I know . . . It's not trying to say something to us at all . . . It's trying to say something to the pig John: Dark water . . . Spider: I forget . . . It's . . . John: Dark water on top of the muck 11. Amnerika Thing-Fish Everything Is Healing Nicely

12. "Have You Ever Heard Their Band?" Monica: Have you ever heard their band? Spider: I don't understand it though. Their band, I don't understand ... Monica: I . . . I don't think they understand it either Spider: What? The smoke? John & Monica: The band! Spider: The band doesn't understand what? Monica: Did you know that? FZ: The smoke stands still John: There's some kind of thing that's giving us all these revelations Spider: Yeah, well that's the . . . John: It's . . . It's . . . It's this funny voice . . . and he keeps telling us all these things and I . . . it . . . I just thought that before we just thought of these things . . . ya know, like just off the wall and out of our heads Spider: No, that's religious superstition 13. Religious Superstition

Ah! Buffalo voice! 16. "Someplace Else Right Now" Gilly: I'd like to be . . . someplace else right now. It's much too crowded in here. Where would I like to be? Girl #1: Where would you like to be? Gilly: Oh, I don't know Girl #1: Where would you like to be? Gilly: I like strings a whole lot Girl #1: Where would you like to be? Gilly: (sigh) Girl #1: Huh? Where would you like to be? Gilly: Oh it's so hard Girl #1: Where would you like to be? Gilly: I can't think of anything else Girl #1: Hmm Gilly: The piano, a drum, strings Motorhead: These strings are so tempting Roy: Uh huh Gilly: That's it exactly 17. Get A Life

18. "A Kayak (On Snow)" Monica: A kayak . . . on snow . . . a mountain Spider: There's a mountain on the beach? Monica: It was under the beach John: A mountain under the beach? Monica: Yeah John: How did you get to it? Monica: We didn't, it found us Spider: It came up through the beach? Monica: No, it never came up. And the moon, the moon was shining on the sand. And we saw the mountain with the snow John: Underneath?

Monica: Underneath Spider: Did you see any of those little worms like . . . like were in the mud? 19. N-Lite

I. Negative Light II. Venice Submerged III. The New World Order IV. The Lifestyle You Deserve V. Creationism VI. He Is Risen

5. "A Different Octave" Spider: We are . . . actually the same note, but . . . John: But different octave Spider: Right. We are 4,928 octaves below the big note Monica: Are ya . . . are you trying to tell me that . . . that this whole universe revolves around one note? Spider: No, it doesn't revolve around it; that's what it is. It's one note Spider: Everybody knows that lights are notes. Light, light, is just a vibration of the note, too. Everything is. Monica: That one note makes everything else so insignificant John: What about negative light? Spider: Pigs use it for a tambourine, which is one of the reasons why their music is so hard to understand

disc 2 6. "This Ain't CNN" 1. "I Wish Motorhead Would Come Back" Translation Louis: Ah, I wish Motorhead would come back. Oh wow, Motorhead . . . Motorhead . . . Where are you Motorhead? Roy: He's probably getting eaten by one of those ponies Louis: Yes Roy: Maybe he's out there playing with motors Louis: Motors?! Motors? . . . No! no! no! 2. Secular Humanism

3. "Attack! Attack! Attack!" Louis: RAAAH! ATTACK! ATTACK! Attack and get on ee, eee, each pony or . . . boogey man or something Roy: Sure, aren't you glad I'm not too hairy . . . Louis: Yeah . . . Roy: . . . Too hairy! . . . heh, heh Louis: . . . That beats . . . yes . . . (Louie laughs like a turkey) Roy: . . . That's why they have a lot of crabs . . . Louis: . . . Yes, and um . . . Roy: . . . A set of crabs?! Louis: Crabs are really dangerous, and they r-r-rich as fires and every once in a while you walk in the streets and when I . . . when I heard of these from, from talk from my, from my home here, my piano! Gilly: Huh, my piano . . . It's still dark in here . . . It's the same as it ever was . . . I'm here . . . (sigh) I'm not the same as I ever was Gilly: Either you're here and I'm here or I'm very different . . . Girl #2: . . . Than? Gilly: (Sigh) Girl #1: Now, wait a minute. I . . . those are my bass strings . . . and . . . uh . . . I . . . I get the bass strings. If there are going to be three of us here, I want the bass strings. That's all there is . . . Gilly: (Interrupting) Who are you? Girl #1: I live here! Girl #2: I live here! Gilly: Who are you?! Girl #2: I live here Girl #1: I live here! Gilly: (Sighs) That's my name too (All girls sigh) Gilly: Were you ever not living here? Girl #1: I don't think so Girl #2: Nah, I was in a drum 4. I Was In A Drum

Ali: I bin grad nei' kimma, und do hob I g'sehn, daß . . . Stefan: Ah, Bayern raus! Mike: This ain't the U.N., man! Daryl: Scusate un po'. Io non ho capito un cazzo Mike: Hey, yo man! Ali: Versteh' kein Wort, I bin jetzt in dem Klavier herinna, und's klingt so komisch . . . Bill: Die spreekt geen normal taal. Mike: This ain't CNN Moon: Am I the only girl in here? Stefan: Uh, huh . . . Moon: It is dark and I am nervous . . . Mike: Hey, hey, hey! She's with me, champ! Franck: Turlututu, chapeau pointu. (Laughter) Daryl: A me non importa da dove viene, a me non importa da dove sta andando. Ali: Da kimmt ma' scho rum in dies'm Klavier, gell? Moon: Honey, I don't like this . . . Mike: Hey, yo, my man, my fists speak English! Ali: I ned, I ned! Wenn I red, red scho' bay'risch . . . Stefan: Oh, God . . . Franck: . . . you think that English is the only . . . each language in the world . . . (More mumbling and laughing among themselves) Svoboda: Bevor Ich hier herein gekommen bin, hab Ich ein Pastrami Sandwich gegessen, das war tierisch gut . . . Bill: This . . . this guy . . . this guy wants something to eat, man Moon: I understood "pastrami sandwich" Ali: Gebt's ihm ein Pony, gebt's ihm doch ein Pony . . . Mike: In the brochure, they said that there was a good room service here Moon: They said 24-hour room service . . . Daryl: Did they give you a number? Moon: Just dial the operator and they can tell us Daryl: . . . the right information . . . Mike: I haven't gotten an operator since I came here . . . excuse me . . . I asked you a couple a . . . Moon: Can you put . . . Mike: Excuse me . . . where's the pay phone? Svoboda: Pay phone . . . Mike: Pay phone Moon: . . . We don't need . . . Bill And Ali: Pay phone Mike: How we gonna get the room service without the pay phone? Svoboda: Pay phone . . . pay phone Franck: Telephone de payer Ali: De payer? . . . Ah - Ein Zahltelefon! Hermann: Telefonkarte. Qualität und Sicherheit aus einer Hand Bill: This guy doesn't even know what a pay phone is! What the hell is he doing here in the first place?

Hermann: Wir sind Deutschlands Kommunikationsgesellschaft. Ali: Gestern waren wir, frühstücken, mittagessen . . . Hermann: 30 11 03 1 1 4 3 6, Qualität aus einer Hand . . . Telekom. Mike: Excuse me, we paid money . . . heh . . . to be alone . . . wit' some privacy . . . Bill: Well that's just too bad. Uh, you could be alone someplace else Mike: Hey, don't give me attitude Daryl: Well, I guess we're supposed to move over Stefan: Yeah, OK, let's move over a little bit Mike: You're in my space, man! Moon: Ow! Please . . . this is ridiculous Daryl: Excuse me, no, there was a gun before here and . . . Moon: Who? Did they leave a number we can call? Daryl: Before these guys got here there was . . . Svoboda: (Laughs) Mike: Excuse me . . . Yo . . . Yo . . . you know where the phone is at, man? Daryl: No, there was a gun here and . . . (Laughter) Mike: Yo, I don't want trouble Franck: If you want trouble, buy a drum, yeah? Moon: . . . I know that this can all be worked out and . . . Mike: Now . . . we don't gotta . . . we don't gotta go anywhere, sweetheart Moon: No, but listen . . . listen . . . They told us we'd be alone and it seems that everyone is listening to us . . . Mike: Who? This guy over here . . . Bill: That's right. That's right, we're listening Mike: What are you, a tough guy? I'm tough! I'm tough! Moon: Honey. Honey Bill: That's just the way it is. You can get tough all you want Moon: OK . . . OK . . . let's all . . . Mike: Well, maybe we should try to work this out together, but I know I want my space, champ! Daryl: What do you mean? You bought this space? Moon: This always happens. I don't understand . . . Mike: That's right, I bought this space. You got a problem wit dat? Daryl: Well, you know, it sort of feels like my space. I don't know . .. Moon: You know what this feels like? I mean, yeah, why don't we buy the swamp land too? Mike: Nobody said nothin' when y'all bought my people, right? Stefan: Who's having this loud voice in this little grand piano? Daryl: . . . a bit out of . . . Mike: N.W.A., rap, hip-hop, the new thing, "Yo MTV Raps" Stefan: Sonate, that's music Mike: So who? Stefan: Mozart, Alter . . . Mozart sach' ich, Alter Mike: I like Public Enemy Stefan: I like Mondschein Sonate Mike: I like Brand Nubians, Big Daddy Kane Ali: Des klingt so grauenhaft, des mecht I fei nimmer hörn . . . Moon: Whatever he said, ditto. I don't understand but . . . I . . . I . . . feel that he said something I would probably approve of 7. "The Pigs' Music" FZ: Tonight you guys are going to try and figure out the pigs' music Spider: You see if we understood it, maybe we could help the pigs understand John: Nah, the problem with that is you think the pigs are essentially kind at heart . . . Spider: Aw, I didn't say that . . . John: But the pigs are essentially pigs John: If we could either move the smoke or if we turn the cold light on it and shrink it so they can't even salute it . . . Spider: It's . . . it's really . . . It's sort of the opposite event. You see it was a long time ago when Pigs and Ponies used to inter-breed with people on farms . . . and they reached a state where . . . where like the pigs were . . . communicable. They brought 'em in and tried . . . tried to teach them things. They're just as likely to live in the ocean as anywhere else . . . Wouldn't get rid of them, really. Just means that the ocean would be just as unsafe as every other place. That's what

happened. Ya know, they tried to put 'em places where they wouldn't make it, but they made it anyway John: They wanted to use yaks, too Pig With Wings: EE . . . EE . . . EE . . . EE Spider: What's that? John: That's the Pig with Wings 8. A Pig With Wings

9. "This is All Wrong" Translation Artis the Spoonman spoons Moon: This is all wrong. This is all wrong FZ: The pigs run the city, the ponies run the TV station and you wanted to apply for a job Spider: Some of them wear these jackets that are made out of polished animal skins. It's called leather John: Leather? Monica: Oh, and their tight black pants Spider: It's sort of like plastic, only it's made out of animals Larry: It's sad, ain't it? Monica: Yeah Larry: Um, you can't win 'em all Moon: Oh! Mike: Sweetheart . . . Moon: What? Mike: If we go to the . . . we could probably be alone Moon: Yeah Ali: Wo? Moon: . . . could drink coffee . . . Ali: Ja! Kaffe war a scho guat, aba des is a Klavier . . . Mike: I want some soul food . . . Moon: . . . it's a heartbeat and it feels like a . . . Mike: Have you seen "Jungle Fever"? Moon: . . . a big . . . Ali: Ha, ha gördüm önce, sinemaya gittim ben . . . Mike: "Jungle Fever." The girl with the big butt? Ali: Bak, bu piyanonun içinde nereden sinema buldun sen? Moon: This must have been what the brochure was talking about. They said you'd . . . you'd feel a . . . a kind of a serenity . . . a feeling of peace of . . . of . . . Mike: Hey, why, why don't you shut up?! Ali: Çocuklar, siz saatlerce kahveden birsey anlatiyorsunuz, ama burada . . . ah, bunlarda acayip sarkilar söylüyorlar . . . acayip, degilmi? Yagmurda basliyor . . . Moon: . . . entering into a different realm . . . I can't remember the name of it . . . Mike: Hey, yo man . . . I don't like all this waterfall action Moon: . . . and I guess that's where most of the part of it's . . . I . . . guess it's all about resolving past crime and everything . . . and . . . also . . . about . . . Ali: Bence . . . Mike: Hey, yo, hey . . . this ain't the "Blue Lagoon"! What the hell . . . this ain't "I Dream of Jeanie" Ali: Bu pianonun içinde bir . . . meyhane gibi birsey yapmak lâzim, yani, piano güzel bir sey ama, . . . bende seni hiç anlamiyorum abi . . . Mike: What? Man, man, I'm gonna close off communications if you don't start speaking the language, Jack! 10. Hot & Putrid Spider: The hotter the sound is, the more putrid it smells. I've discovered that to be true in almost every case that I've experienced Mike: What are you talking about? 11. "Flowing Inside-Out"

Spider: Flowing inside out creates neutral energy. Now, that makes the light get thick. Then you've got this converter, and what that does, is, it takes this really thick light and . . . it rams it into this little compressor which then sucks the water out so that it envelops the bathtub in this big halo . . . FZ: A halo of mu-mesons Spider: A halo of mu-mesons. And the whole problem here is that all you have to do is take that little modulator out and . . . uh . . . John: Reverse the phase on it 12. "I Had a Dream About That" Gilly: I had a dream about that once Girl #2: You did? Gilly: Yeah Girl #2: Then you must be me Girl #1: Yeah, that's right . . . because . . . Now, wait a minute . . . now you two are me because I had a dream that the two were here. I heard one person breathing in my right ear and then I heard somebody cough just like me Spider: Wait a minute! I gotta find a phone booth. Here . . . ah . . . now I have it . . . I change clothes and suddenly I am . . . 13. Gross Man Spider: GROSS MAN! 14. "A Tunnel Into Muck" John: Maybe the kayak is just a big worm Monica: I found that to be a possibility Spider: The worms stop in the tunnels sometimes John: Where are the tunnels? Spider: They're in the muck John: In the muck? Spider: Yeah, you saw the muck John: But, you know, whenever I try to tunnel into muck, it always collapses on me

17. "You're Just Insultin' Me, Aren't You!" Translation Mike: You're just insulting me, aren't you? It's not funny, man Ali: . . . tabii ya, tabii, tabii . . . eh, eh . . . Mike: It's not funny . . . It ain't funny. He's just been talking about me for ten minutes Moon: . . . be alone . . . with yourself inside a piano or . . . whatever . . . your piano . . . it's . . . it's really a metaphor for that . . . that spirit . . . that feeling of oneness . . . Ali: Siz saatlerce, saatlerce konusuyorsunuz burada, yani, . . . artik biktim burasindan, be! Oturup böyle birsey . . . birsey bulsak da biz simidi, yani . . . Moon: It's, It's . . . it's . . . fulfillment . . . Mike: Fulfillment. I got something fulfilling, baby Moon: The sages talk about this . . . Ali: . . . sen söyleme . . . Mike: Hey, yo my man . . . Hey, yo my man . . . worrrr d'up man . . . worrrrr d'up! Ali: Des is a piano Mike: This is a piano Ali: Des is a piano Todd: And why are we in it? Ali: Des is a piano Mike: A piano! Ali: A piano . . . des is a piano . . . Mike: Piano! Ali: Klavier Todd: Oh! I thought it was the men's room . . . Mike: Piano! Moon: Piano Ali: Das es kein Computer Mike: This ain't a computer! Ali: Das es kein Computer! I sag des so oft, bis die des merken, verstehst . . . Moon: Piano . . . that's a beautiful word. It can take you to that place inside yourself where you . . . Mike: You still talking about the place but you ain't thinking about dis place: the piano! Todd: Piano! Piano! Moon: What I'm saying is that it doesn't matter how you get here

15. Why Not? John: Then we can sell them ladders, 'cause they're gonna have to have ladders to get into the piano, right? Spider: Yeah, when it starts growing John: Right . . . we set 'em down and, like, we turn the lights down and turn on the red ones Monica: What're you gonna do, stoop to strobe lights or . . . ? Spider: Ah, no, no

Gilly: That's it exactly, I guess. About Tom, no, no but to me all different . . . um . . . but I guess Tom was a human--is a human being with . . . feelings and sorrows and happinesses, as everyone else, but Tom would only show me so much SNORK! Spider: But is this a pregnant sow before me? SNORK! Spider: By the sound of the snork, I would gesture to say . . . I find myself turning into a pony

16. "Put a Little Motor In 'Em" 18. "Cold Light Generation" Translation Translation FZ: We're gonna put a little motor in 'em Spider: We're gonna put a little motor in 'em John: I could have all sorts of different kinds of names for the motors . . . although the motors would be the same . . . Spider: There's dry motors and wet motors, right? John: Right Spider: The motor for a bill is a dry motor, so after they put that thing in there for about half an hour, they suddenly can't stand it without having a wet motor too. So, if they try to get away with spending only a bill, they end up spending about five 'cause they gotta get this, this four bill wet motor John: Good idea Spider: Now we have a damp motor for the ones who aren't sure Moon: . . . it's about letting go . . . we're all, we're all inside the piano . . . we're all . . . looking for a place . . . inside the piano . . . or a place to be alone . . . Ali: Bu pianonun içinde bir meyhane olsa, bir kahve için oturpda, aziçik tavla oynasak nekadar güzel olur, degilmi abi?

John: You know as well as I do that cold light generation depends on your state of health and energy Spider: I'm gonna turn on a cold light Moon: Don't you get it? Todd: No, not at all Moon: Don't you get it? Todd: Not as often as I'd like to Moon: I get it . . . It's weird . . . It's like . . . Mike: Yo, I hear music! Ali: Musik? Mike: Music! Ali: Musik? . . . draussen, gell? Mike: There's a little party goin' on out here! Ali: Ja, gell a party, da is irgendwo a Party! Mike: A party in the piano . . . Ali: Naa, ned im Piano Mike: . . . yeah, P.P.

Ali: . . . Nah, ned im P.P. Mike: Hey, P.P. Ali: Naa, ned im Piano, im Piano is keine Party Mike: Hey, listen . . . listen . . . listen, shhh! 19. Dio Fa Kaigal-ool Khovalyg throat-singing

Spider: It doesn't, does it matter whether we understand it? At least it'll give us . . . strength John: I know but maybe we could get into it more if we understood it Spider: We'd get more strength from it if we understood it? John: Yeah Spider: No, I don't think so, because -- see I think, I think our strength comes from our uncertainty. If we understood it we'd be bored with it and then we couldn't gather any strength from it John: Like if we knew about our music one of us might talk and then that would be the end of that

20. "That Would Be The End Of That"

21. Beat The Reaper

Spider: We can get our strength up by making some music John: That's right Monica: Yeah . . . yeah John: But the thing is, you know what? Spider: What? John: We don't even understand our own music

22. Waffenspiel

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Original transcription from the CD booklet Almost nonexistent corrections and additions by Román

The Lost Episodes (Frank Zappa, February 1996) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30.

The Blackouts 0:22 Lost In A Whirlpool (Van Vliet/FZ) 2:46 Ronnie Sings? 1:05 Kenny's Booger Story 0:33 Ronnie's Booger Story 1:16 Mount St. Mary's Concert Excerpt 2:28 Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance 3:51 Tiger Roach (Van Vliet/FZ) 2:20 Run Home Slow Theme 1:25 Fountain Of Love (FZ/Collins) 2:08 Run Home Cues, #2 0:28 Any Way The Wind Blows 2:14 Run Home Cues, #3 0:11 Charva 1:59 The Dick Kunc Story 0:46 Wedding Dress Song (Trad., arr. by FZ) 1:14 Handsome Cabin Boy (Trad., arr. by FZ) 1:21 Cops & Buns 2:36 The Big Squeeze 0:43 I'm A Band Leader 1:14 Alley Cat (Van Vliet/FZ) 2:47 The Grand Wazoo 2:12 Wonderful Wino (FZ/Simmons) 2:47 Kung Fu 1:06 RDNZL 3:49 Basement Music #1 3:46 Inca Roads 3:42 Lil' Clanton Shuffle 4:47 I Don't Wanna Get Drafted 3:24 Sharleena 11:54 Produced by Frank Zappa UMRK Transfer & Remix Engineer 1992-1993: Spencer Chrislu Liner notes by Rip Rense Congeniality by Jill Christiansen Illustrations by Gabor Csupo Package design by Steven Jurgensmeyer

1. The Blackouts

FZ: What key do you wanna do it in? Ronnie: Try maybe, uh, D Flat. Or do it in C, do it in C! Alright, do it, do it slop. Do-do-dat-dat, do-do . . . SNORK . . . Yeah, that's pretty good.

c. 1958 Voices: Wayne Lyles Terry Wimberly Elwood Jr. Madeo FZ So, uh, I'd just like to tell you about a little incident at Shrine Auditorium. Uh, well, see we made this scene down there, we walked in, and this, this place is big, y'know, real big, y'know? An' everybody was gonna be there. Louis Armstrong and his boys were gonna be there, (Titans) an' the Titans, (and the Velvetones too) and the Velvetones, and the Blackouts, so let me, let me tell you about this

Ba-ba-ba-Bump, Ba-ba-Buh-bah-bahdn-bum-bum-bow. Bo-do-do-diddly-dow, Bung-bow-do-bom-bom. Bo-do-dung-dow-dodee-do-do-do-do-do Dodn-do-do-dodn-dodn-dodn-dada Doo-doo-da-da, Dadn-dadn-da-da Da-dadl-da-da-da Dadn-diddly-dadn-diddly-dung De-dong-bong-bom-de-diddly dung dung Ba-badn-boooo, Rum-pum-badn-rum-pum-bung-bung-bung 4. Kenny's Booger Story

We made the scene [good to ... ]. The Velvetones think they're Lawrence Welk. 2. Lost In A Whirlpool (Don Van Vliet/FZ) Antelope Valley Jr. College, Lancaster, CA c. December 1958-January 1959 Don Van Vliet--vocals FZ--lead guitar Bobby Zappa--rhythm guitar Well, I'm lost in a whirlpool Yeah, baby, my head is goin' round Well, ever since my baby flushed me Oh, been goin' round, yeah round and around Well, I'm lost in this whirlpool I keep goin' down and down

Living Room in Ontario, California c. 1961-62 Kenny Williams--voice FZ--voice Kenny: Afore of it, wh-while I was away in boarding school lived with Ronnie by the name of Dwight uh, Bement. Uh, used to live there with Ronnie an' they would uh, instead of blowing their nose on a handkerchief they would, uh, stick their finger up in their nose and uh, pull out all their boogers an' smear 'em on the window. Uh, I don't know, I always thought it was crazy, an' it didn't look good, an' after a while, I mean you couldn't see out the window! He-hunh! FZ: Did you ever do that? Kenny: Uh, I may have added one or two on there, yeah. 5. Ronnie's Booger Story

There's a big brown fish Lookin' at me He ain't got no eyes How could that motherfucker possibly see Ooh, baby baby I'm gonna be afraid it'd gonna touch me Well I'm lost in this whirlpool Oh, I can't even see Baby, won't you come help me Pour some drainer down, And get the plunger right after me I'll let you know a little secret, baby I'm gettin' tired of all this pee Don't go stranded, mother goose Ooh, my head's in a noose . . . 3. Ronnie Sings? Living Room in Ontario, California c. 1961-62 Ronnie Williams--vocal FZ--guitar

Living Room in Ontario, California c. 1961-62 Ronnie Williams--voice FZ--guitar Ronnie: We lived in a little room, man. It was, it was probably a fourth as big as, as your livin' room, Frank (cough). And uh, everytime we picked a booger we'd flip it on this one winduh, or wipe it there if we couldn't flip it there, y'know. And uh, I guess Dwight stayed with me for about . . . 'bout seven months, wasn't it? Six months? And uh, every night we'd contribute, y'know, two or three or four boogers, y'know. And when he left uh, my mom knew what was goin' on all the time but we thought we had her hoodwinked. Heh-heh. She was smarter with, than we, than what we were. An' she made us clean 'em off, y'know? We used Ajax and, and we couldn't get them things, we had to use a, had to use a putty knife, man, to get them damn things off the winduh. You couldn't even see out the winduh with all them boogers, man. I'm not kiddin' you (sniff). An' there was big ones too, an' there was little, and there was some goober ones that weren't even hard, man, you'd just smear 'em, young ones. It's like fro-, you, you've seen frosted glasses. That winduh was just like a frosted glass with spots all over it, y'know? And uh, (sniff) it was, it was no good. Although, th-that, that was the good ol' days, so . . . 6. Mount St. Mary's Concert Excerpt

Mount St. Mary's College, LA May 19, 1963 FZ: The next piece that we're going to play . . . Maybe I should tell you what we were doing . . . The, the signals that we are giving, I'll explain to you very simply: This means 'free improvisation' and finger signals told the performers which of the fragments they were to uh, play at any given moment. Anyway, the next piece that we're going to play is in standard notation, and it's actually pretty tame compared to the other five. It's called "The Collage Two," and it was written last Thursday. 7. Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance Lumpy Gravy Joe's Corsage We're Only In It For The Money FZ:OZ You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Pal Studio, Cucamonga, CA 1961 FZ--guitar Danny Helferin--piano Chuck Foster--trumpet Tony Rodriguez--alto sax Caronga Ward--bass Chuck Grove--drums

Wilhelmina! Mildew! Billboard! Night light! Hammerhead! Outta sight! In Baghdad Roaches fly! Outta sight! 'Cross the grassy sky! Anvils fly! Mountains burp! Turpentine! Tina werp Lord gosh! Oooh . . . Rush eye What's that noise? Looks like greeny! Maybe it's purple Spot eye! Hammer law Bend iron! So fine Tiger Roach! 9. Run Home Slow Theme The Old Masters Box One Mystery Disc You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5

8. Tiger Roach (Don Van Vliet/FZ)

Art Laboe's Original Sound Studios, LA 1963

Pal Studio, Cucamonga, CA c. March, 1964 Don Van Vliet--vocals FZ--guitar Alex Snouffer--guitar? Janschi--bass Vic Mortenson--drums

10. Fountain Of Love (FZ & Ray Collins) Cruising With Ruben & The Jets

This album is not available to the public. Even if it were, you wouldn't wanna listen to it!

Pal Studio, Cucamonga, CA c. 1963

Iron Man!

Ray Collins-- lead vocal FZ--drums, guitars, keyboards, background vocals Paul Buff--fuzz bass

That's fine! Tiger spine! Work out! Monza blocks! Light switch! Roaches' smocks! Ice cream! What a dream! Memories of Flyin' machines! Green Lantern! Funny lizard! Three-way! Out'sight! Buddy learns! See Spot run! Work out! Have some fun! Yeah . . .

It was September, the leaves were gold That's when our hearts knew that story untold We were young lovers Strolling near (The fountain of love) Fountain of love (Fountain of love) Fountain of love Do you remember, I held you so near Our love's glowing ember so precious and dear We were young lovers Strolling near (The fountain of love) Fountain of love (Fountain of love) Fountain of love

We made a wish And threw in a coin And since that day Our hearts have been joined So all you young lovers Wherever you are The fountain of love is not very far We'll go on dreaming of that golden day And remember the fountain is not far away We were young lovers Strolling near (The fountain of love) Fountain of love (Fountain of love) Fountain of love (Fountain of love) We'll keep right on dreaming (Fountain of love) And remember that fountain (Fountain of love) The fountain of love, now now now (Fountain of love) 11. Run Home Cues, #2 Lumpy Gravy Art Laboe's Original Sound Studios, LA 1963

(Any way the wind blows) Any way the wind blows (Any way the wind blows) Any way the wind blows She is my heart and soul And she loves me tenderly And now my story can be told Just how good she is to me 'Cause she treats me like she loves me And she never make me cry I'm gonna stick with her Till the day I die She's not like you, baby She would never ever lie Any way the wind blows (Any way the wind blows) Any way the wind blows (Any way the wind blows) Any way the wind blows Any way the wind blows (Any way the wind blows) Any way the wind blows (Any way the wind blows) Any way, any way the wind blows (Any way the wind blows) Any way . . . 13. Run Home Cues, #3 Art Laboe's Original Sound Studios, LA 1963

12. Any Way The Wind Blows Joe's Corsage Freak Out! Cruising With Ruben & The Jets

14. Charva The Old Mastes Box One Mystery Disc

Pal Studio, Cucamonga, CA c. 1963 Ray Collins--vocals FZ--drums, bass, guitars Any way the wind blows Is-a fine with me Any way the wind blows It don't matter to me 'Cause I'm thru with-a fussin' And-a fightin' with-a you I went out and found a woman That is gonna be true She makes me oh so happy now I'm never ever blue Any way the wind blows (Any way the wind blows) Any way the wind blows (Any way the wind blows) Any way the wind blows Now that I am free From the troubles of the past It took me much too long to see That our romance couldn't last Now I'm gonna go away And leave you standing at the door I'll tell you, pretty baby, I won't be back no more 'Cause you don't even know What love is for Any way the wind blows

Pal Studio, Cucamonga, CA c. 1963 FZ--vocals, piano, bass, drums Charva, I loved you I loved you through and through I loved you since in grammar school When we were sniffing glue I loved you purty baby doll And I don't know what in the world to do about it Boppa-bah-boppa-choo-wah Charva, my darling The only love I had I hope you will forgive me, dear For punching out your dad I loved you, I loved you And I don't know what in the world I'm gonna do about it Ooohh-oh-oooh Lahm-buh-buhm-buhm I remember, remember the junior prom And I remember the time I broke your father's arm And I remember, remember all the love we shared Every place and everywhere Oh Charva, Charva I love you more and more I swear it ain't because your father owns a liquor store Charva, my baby

I love you and I don't know what to do about it Oh-oh Charva Ooooohh oh-oh Charva Ooooohh, come back my little darling Charva I love you so much, honey Come back to me, Charva Please Charva, please come back to me I miss you so much 15. The Dick Kunc Story Apostolic Studios, NYC October, 1967-February, 1968 Dick Kunc voice Dick: I started out in Florida uh, producing a record at a studio, and I got friendly with the engineer, and got interested in engineering. Next thing I knew, I was listening to an album called Freak Out! by the Mothers Of Invention. I became very interested in their concept of music, their concept of, of uh, society in general, and their concept of humor, which I thought was very good, and I enjoyed it, because uh, they were saying a lotta, a lotta whole bunch of stuff that I wanted to say and I agreed with and thought was true. Then one day I decided, "I'll move to New York, because it's, the air is clean, and the people are friendly, and everybody's in love." So I went to New York, and I got this job at this incredible twelve track studio. Well, I didn't know from twelve track, I thought four track was really hot stuff. So I went in there and they said, "Here's the board. Learn it." He go, "Your first client's coming in in five minutes." Well, my first client was Frank Zappa. 16. Wedding Dress Song (traditional, arranged by FZ) Joe's Corsage The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc Apostolic Studios, NYC December, 1967-February, 1968 FZ guitar, bass Art Tripp marimba, vibes Don Preston keyboards Jimmy Carl Black drums

17. Handsome Cabin Boy (traditional, arranged by FZ) Joe's Corsage The Old Masters Box Two Mystery Disc Apostolic Studios, NYC December, 1967-February, 1968 FZ guitar, bass Art Tripp marimba, vibes Don Preston keyboards Jimmy Carl Black drums

18. Cops & Buns Apostolic Studios, NYC October, 1967-February, 1968

Patrolman Lefemine: Now, we don't come up here because we feel like walkin' four flights at three o'clock in the morning. FZ: Yeah. Patrolman Lefemine: We were up here last night. Now for us . .. FZ: Last night? Patrolman Lefemine: Yes. FZ: I wasn't here last night. Patrolman Lefemine: For us to continually come up to this here place every night and not show no action other than to say, yes a corrective indictment . . . Guy #1: Oh, sure this is ridiculous. Patrolman Lefemine: We look kinda bad. I mean, let's be honest. Now if you had to give me any kinda reccomendation, or mark my word, you'll say, "Who the hell's kiddin' who? This guy's a mistake, every night, 3 to 4, 2 to 4, betwen those hours you guys are at 53 E 10 st, what are you doin' there every night? You mean you, you permit this condition to continue on without once giving a summons?" Alright, your lawyer said to knock it off! Uh, we're puttin' ourselves over backwards with these people. Do you know what we're doin'? Do you know what we're doin'? FZ: No, tell me. Please tell me. Patrolman Lefemine: Alright. Well this is, if we're up here once we're up here twenty times. I know that little guy, like a, like the guy at the, like a long-lost brother. Now if we ever get called down, if this ever goes to a big explosion, and they say, "Officer, what did you do, did you issue summonses?" They get, this is all in the rekkid book, how many times we've been up here. This is all rekkids. FZ: M-hmm. Patrolman Lefemine: Now if these people wanna subpoena these rekkids, they can subpoena these rekkids. An' they can find out how many times we've been. This is us on, wait! This is us alone! An' they say, "Officer, what did you do? Warn 'em? You mean to tell me you were up here about twenty times an you never issued a summons?" Guy #1: There have been summonses. Patrolman Lefemine: Well, WE never issued em! How many summonses have you gotten for noise? Guy In Charge: What, me personally, or the studio? Patrolman Lefemine: The studio! The studio. Guy In Charge: I don't know how many, but there's a court case pending right now . . . Guy #1: We've gotten one. Patrolman Lefemine: ONE! ONE! And how many times have I, eh, uh, hey listen! As I say, if I've been up here once I've been up here twenty times already. FZ: Hey look, stop it, pack that stuff up, stop making NOISE you guys! Guy In Charge: Yeah, well, I understand, he didn't know . . . Patrolman Lefemine: Well, who's in charge here at the studio? Guy #1: Here he is. Guy In Charge: In charge? Patrolman Lefemine: IN charge Guy #1: He's more or less in charge Patrolman Lefemine: Are you in charge? Guy In Charge: I don't run the studio, I just . . . Patrolman Lefemine: Alright, listen, lemme tell you one thing . .. Guy In Charge: I'm in, I'm in charge Patrolman Lefemine: You're in charge at this point Guy In Charge: Right. Patrolman Lefemine: My name is Patrolman Lefemine FZ: Here, have a BUN. Patrolman Lefemine: Now, as of tonight . . . Guy In Charge: Right. FZ: You want a BUN? Patrolman Lefemine: If I come back here, and every night that I do come back here, I don't care who says he's in charge, I will issue a summons. Guy #1: I'm issuing you a bun Patrolman Lefemine: An' anybody thinks it's a great joke, you can all laugh in the court. Guy #1: Yeah, I issue it. Guy In Charge: But, uh . . . Patrolman Lefemine: You guys ain't got one hit record by now, my goodness.

Guy In Charge: We have, we have to . . . Guy #1: It takes a long time. Patrolman Lefemine: You know what I mean. This is ridiculous! FZ: Are you sure you don't want one of those breakfast rolls on your way down the stairs? Guy In Charge: Yeah . . . Patrolman Lefemine: You better believe that I don't want nuthin' Guy In Charge: Who gets, who gets the summonses, is the, the organization? Patrolman Lefemine: Whoever it is in charge at the time. He could say Joe Blow, I don't care what kind of a name he gives me. Then if the courts decide, if they wanna know who he's takin' orders from, they'll summons that person to court. That's all there is to it. Guy #1: Alright. Take care. Guy In Charge: Right. Guy #1: Okay. FZ: Nighty-night! 19. The Big Squeeze Mayfair Studios, NYC August-September, 1967 Dick Barber snorks FZ kazoo, percussion, celeste

20. I'm A Band Leader 1969 Don Van Vliet vocals I'm a band leader. Not only can I drink a whole lot, but I play 23 different instruments too and I don't even know how to read music. Self-taught, you know. Couldn't tell it, though, to hear me play. When I play and sway in rhythm to the catchy little tunes that I know all the girls for five miles around get hot pants for me, hotcha! Last night was pretty good for a Wednesday. We got ten requests for, we got "Bill Bailey," and we played them all and we got seven people came up for the twist contest. I gave away a box with two small bottles of champagne imported from Europe, heh, and kissed the girl who won and shook hands with the guy she was with. He didn't mind when I kissed her because I'm important. We have a new routine. Been working on it for three weeks or more. I pretend I'm a queer and the sax player pretends he's a queer, too, and later on in the show --this'll kill ya--, we kiss each other so that it looks to the audience like we kiss each other on the mouth, heh. When we go . . . into a fast number, GOD, the people love it! Wait till we get to Las Vegas!

You may find me, baby Yeah, this street With my slippery fists Knock it like this 'n Knock it like that With my heart in a cage Tucked up under my hat Fluttering like a little black bird, yeah Just seen his furs, pussycat Got my umbrella up in front, yeah 'N over my head Ready to beat you, baby, If ya don't let me in Cuz it's raining Cuz it's raining, baby outside Well I'm tired and cold and hungry Been knocked like this an' Knocked like that Don't you see that bad backyard Alley cat I want dis little pussy Baby wants some o' dis And some o' dat Don't treat me, baby, like your Any old Alley Cat Alley Cat, Alley Cat Alley Cat Dont treat me, baby, like your Any old Alley Cat 22. The Grand Wazoo Voice recorded in 1969 Synclavier recorded c. 1992 Don Van Vliet vocals FZ Synclavier You might think my hat is funny, but I don't. I'm the Grand Wazoo. Keeper of the mystic scrolls. And rolls of parchment from the lodge. And I'm a Veteran. Every day on coffee break at the hardware store, I tell Fred What to expect because we play pranks during the . . . initiation. I'm the Grand Wazoo. I'm the Grand Wazoo. I'm the Grand Wazoo.

(Ha-heh-heh)

I'm the Grand Wazoo, from the hardware store. Fuck you if you don't like my hat.

21. Alley Cat (Don Van Vliet & FZ)

23. Wonderful Wino (FZ aka Lamarr Bruister)

Zappa Basement, LA 1969

Playground Psychotics Zoot Allures

Don Van Vliet lead vocal FZ guitar Winged Eel Fingerling (Elliot Ingber) slide guitar Drumbo (John French) drums

Basic track probably: Paramount Studios, LA Spring 1972 Overdubs: Bolic Sound May 30, 1973 and June 1, 1973

Ricky Lancelotti vocal FZ guitar George Duke piano, clavinet Erroneous bass Aynsley Dunbar drums Ian Underwood saxophone Bruce Fowler trombone Sal Marquez trumpet

Ruth Underwood percussion Bruce Fowler trombone Tom Fowler bass Ralph Humphrey drums

26. Basement Music #1 L.A. in the summer of '69 I went downtown and bought me some wine I wasted my head on a bottle of juice And now the grape won't cut me loose Well, I'm a wino man Well, don't you know I am? Great god almighty, don't you know I'm a wino man? 36, 24, hips about 30 Seen a fine lady and I started talkin' dirty She looked at me and then she raised her thumb And said: "Jam down the road, you funky-ass bum" Well, I'm a wino man Well, don't you know I am? Great god almighty, don't you know that I'm a wino man? I went to the country And while I was gone I lost control of my body functions On a roller-headed lady's front lawn I'm so ashamed, but I'm a wino man And I can't help myself I've been drinkin' all night till my eyes got red Stumbled on the gutter and busted my head Bugs in my zoot suit have me scratchin' like a dog Can't stand no water, and I stink like a hog Give me a five-dollar bill And an overcoat too Give me a five-dollar bill And an overcoat too Five-dollar bill and an overcoat too Five-dollar bill and a Florsheim shoe 24. Kung Fu Bolic Sound, Inglewood late 1973-early 1974 George Duke keyboard Ruth Underwood percussion Bruce Fowler trombone Tom Fowler bass Chester Thompson drums Ralph Humphrey drums

FZ all synthesizers

27. Inca Roads One Size Fits All You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Whitney Studios, Glendale April 3, 1973 FZ guitar Jean-Luc Ponty violin George Duke keyboard Ian Underwood woodwinds Ruth Underwood percussion Bruce Fowler trombone Tom Fowler bass Ralph Humphrey drums

28. Lil' Clanton Shuffle Hot Rats Sessions August-September, 1969 Don "Sugar Cane" Harris violin FZ guitar Ian Underwood Fender Rhodes Unknown [probably Max Bennett] bass John Guerin drums

29. I Don't Wanna Get Drafted You Are What You Is Ocean Way Recorders, Hollywood February, 1980

25. RDNZL You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 Studio Tan Läther You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 Whitney Studios, Glendale April 4, 1973 FZ guitar Jean-Luc Ponty violin George Duke keyboard Ian Underwood woodwinds

FZ guitar Tommy Mars keyboards, vocals Arthur Barrow bass Vinnie Colaiuta drums Terry Bozzio vocals Dale Bozzio vocals Ray White vocals Ike Willis vocals Hello! Anybody home? Special Delivery. (Oh no . . . ) Registered Mail. You're gonna have to sign for this buddy. (Oh no . . . ) Come on, I know you're in there. (Oh no . . . )

I don't wanna get drafted. I don't want to go I don't wanna get drafted.

The Record Plant, LA March 4 & 11, 1970

I don't wanna get drafted. I don't want to go I don't wanna get drafted No-no-no.

Don "Sugar Cane" Harris vocal and electric violin FZ guitar and background vocals Ian Underwood keyboards and saxes Max Bennett bass Aynsley Dunbar drums

Roller skates and disco is a lot of fun I'm too young and stupid to operate a gun. I don't wanna get drafted I don't wanna get drafted I don't wanna get drafted I don't wanna get drafted. My-ay-ay sister don't wanna get drafted She don't wanna go My sister don't wanna get drafted. My-ay-ay sister don't wanna get drafted She don't wanna go My sister don't wanna get drafted Woh-oh-woh-oh-woh. Wars are really ugly, they're dirty and they're cold. I don't want nobody to shoot her in the foxhole . . . foxhole. I don't wanna get drafted I don't wanna get drafted I don't wanna get drafted I don't wanna get drafted. Wars are really ugly, they're dirty and they're cold I don't want nobody to shoot me in the foxhole . . . foxhole. Aiieeeeeeeee . . . Shot in the foxhole. Shot in the foxhole . . . shot in the foxhole . . . Shot in the foxhole . . . shot in the foxhole . . . Aiieeeeeeeee . . . Shot in the foxhole. Shot in the foxhole . . . shot in the foxhole . . . Shot in the foxhole . . . shot in the foxhole . . . Aiieeeeeeeee . . . Shot in the foxhole. Shot in the foxhole . . . shot in the foxhole . . . Shot in the foxhole . . . shot in the foxhole . . . Aiieeeeeeeee . . . Shot in the foxhole. Shot in the foxhole . . . shot in the foxhole . . . Shot in the foxhole . . . shot in the foxhole . . . Aiieeeeeeeee . . . Shot in the foxhole . . . 30. Sharleena Chunga's Revenge Playground Psychotics Them Or Us You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3

I would be so delighted! My my-my-my Cryin' Mmm-mmh . . . I'm cryin' I'm cryin' Cryin' for Sharleena, Don't you know? I called up all my baby's friends 'N ask'n um Where she done went But nobody 'round here seems to know Where my Sharleena's been Where my Sharleena's been Cryin' I'm cryin' Cryin' for Sharleena, Can't you see? I called up all my baby's friends 'N ask'n um Where she done went But nobody 'round here seems to know Where my Sharleena's been Where my Sharleena's been Ten long years I been lov'n her Ten long years And I thought deep down in my heart She was mine Ten long years I been lov'n her Ten long years I would call her my baby, and now, I'm always cryin' Well, I would be so delighted (my my-my-my-my) I would be so delighted (my-my!) If they would just Send her on home to me Well, I would be so delighted (mm-mm-mmh) I would be so delighted (yeah, yeah) If they would just Send her on home to me Send my baby home to me (aaah) Send my baby home to me (ooh) Send my baby home to me (yeah) Send my baby home to me (yeah) Send my baby home to me (yeah) Send my baby home to me (ooh) Send my baby home to me . . .

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the original albums and single cover Transcription for new material by Patrick Neve from St. Alphonzo's Pancake Homepage Further corrections and additions by Román, Patrick Neve, Bossk (R), and Charles Ulrich

Läther (Frank Zappa, September 1996) disc 2 disc 1 Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me? 4:56 2. The Black Page #1 1:57 Big Leg Emma 2:11 3. 4. Punky's Whips 11:06 Flambé 2:05 5. 6. The Purple Lagoon 16:22 Pedro's Dowry 7:45 7. 8. Läther 3:50 Spider Of Destiny 2:40 9. 10. Duke Of Orchestral Prunes 4:21 1.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Re-gyptian Strut 4:36 Naval Aviation In Art? 1:32 A Little Green Rosetta 2:48 Duck Duck Goose 3:01 Down In De Dew 2:57 For The Young Sophisticate 3:14 7. Tryin' To Grow A Chin 3:26 Broken Hearts Are For 8. Assholes 4:40 The Legend Of The Illinois 9. Enema Bandit 12:43 10. Lemme Take You To The Beach 2:46 11. Revised Music For Guitar & Low Budget Orchestra 7:36 12. RDNZL 8:14

Produced, composed and arranged by Frank Zappa Digital Mastering & EQ -- Spencer Chrislu Transfer Engineers -- David Dondorf, Spencer Chrislu Vaultmeisterment -- Joe Travers Bonus Section Assembly, Edits & Mastering -- Spencer Chrislu Enthusiasm -- Jill Christiansen Cover Concept -- Dweezil Zappa Cover Execution & Layout Design -- Steven Jurgensmeyer Liner notes -- Gail Zappa & Simon Prentis

disc 3 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

Filthy Habits 7:12 Titties 'n Beer 5:23 The Ocean Is The Ultimate Solution 8:32 The Adventures of Greggery Peccary 21:00 Regyptian Strut (1993) 4:42 Leather Goods 6:01 Revenge Of The Knick Knack People 2:25 Time Is Money 3:04

disc 1 1. Re-Gyptian Strut Sleep Dirt Läther Caribou Studios, Nederland, Colorado December, 1974 FZ percussion George Duke keyboards Bruce Fowler all brass James "Bird Legs" Youmans bass Ruth Underwood percussion Chester Thompson drums Patrick O'Hearn voice Terry Bozzio voice Bozzio: L-l-l . . . O'Hearn: Listen now . . . Bozzio: Father I'm glad you're here . . . I want you to hear this . . . I have a confession to make, you know? O'Hearn: Well, spit it out, son Bozzio: L-l-l-l-l-l-LEATHER . . . O'Hearn: Well, don't be ashamed 2. Naval Aviation In Art? Orchestral Favorites QuAUDIOPHILIAc The Perfect Stranger Royce Hall, UCLA September 19, 1975 The Abnuceals Emuukha Electric Orchestra Patrick O'Hearn voice Terry Bozzio voice Bozzio: God, that was really beautiful . . . O'Hearn: Ha-uh . . .

FZ lead guitar André Lewis keyboards Roy Estrada bass Terry Bozzio drums A little green rosetta Little green rosetta A little green rosetta A little green rosetta Make a muffin better Make a muffin better With a green rosetta A green rosetta A little green rosetta A little green rosetta A little green rosetta A little green rosetta You'll make a muffin better . . . Whereupon the door closes violently! 4. Duck Duck Goose Läther includes a quote from Whole Lotta Love (Page/Plant/Jones/Bonham) and the beginning of The Jelly 1st part: Hammersmith Odeon, London, UK January 17, 1977 FZ guitar Ray White guitar Eddie Jobson violin, keyboards Patrick O'Hearn bass Terry Bozzio drums Terry Bozzio voice Patrick O'Hearn voice Davey Moire voice? Roy Estrada voice

3. A Little Green Rosetta Joe's Garage Acts II & III Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Some More includes a section from Ship Ahoy 1st part: Record Plant, LA January-February, 1975 FZ vocal George Duke keyboards 2nd part: Kosei Nenkin Kaikan, Osaka, Japan February 3, 1976

Moire?: What? O'Hearn: Heh heh heh ye-yes! Roy: I never thought you'd go from me Now that you're gone I miss you so much Wha-Wha-Whatcha gonna do when the well runs dry? O'Hearn: Oh-ooh-h listen to him go! O'Hearn: Why don't you take it down to C-sharp, or an E? Roy: Whatcha gonna do when the well runs dry-y-y-y?

Bozzio: Talk him down, Vic . . . Moire?: Mmm . . . O'Hearn: Come on down, Johnny . . . Moire?: Okay . . .

Dear heart, dear heart Tell me, tell me what's the reason Dear heart, dear heart Why don't you tell me what's the reason

Moire?: Yeah O'Hearn?: Nope

Would you still love me if my hair grew All down the side of my kimono Well of course I would, it might be hip If it did not cause you to trip Dear heart, dear heart Or radiate a bad aroma Dear heart, dear heart Or radiate a cheap aroma Dear heart, dear heart (Dearest heart) Or radia-iate, or radia-ia-ia-iate a cheesey aroma

5. Down In De Dew Drum track: Electric Ladyland Studios, NYC September, 1972 Guitars: Paramount Studios, Hollywood c. 1973-74

FZ: Sick! FZ all guitars, bass Jim Gordon drums Uh-uh-uh-un-ha-ahh! 6. For The Young Sophisticate Tinsel Town Rebellion includes a quote from Woody Woodpecker (Tibbles/Idriss) Bolic Sound, Inglewood March 19, 1973 FZ lead guitar, vocals George Duke keyboards Tom Fowler bass Ralph Humphrey drums Ricky Lancelotti vocals

7. Tryin' To Grow A Chin Sheik Yerbouti You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 Unknown location January-February, 1977 FZ guitar, vocals Ray White guitar, vocals Eddie Jobson violin, keyboards Patrick O'Hearn bass Terry Bozzio drums, vocals Terry Bozzio voice Patrick O'Hearn voice Davey Moire voice Moire: Leather! Ungh . . . ungh . . . ungh . . .

Baby baby why you cryin' I'm feeling sorry what she said Put down that rag, I told her then Don't wanna hear you cry again Dear heart, dear heart Tell me, tell me what's the reason Dear heart, dear heart Tell me, tell me what's the reason You know I went to see the doctor And then I read a magazine Forget that book, I told her then Don't wanna hear about the book again Dear heart, dear heart Tell me, tell me what's the reason Dear heart, dear heart Tell me, tell me what's the reason There was a picture on the story That showed a young sophisticator Who falls in love three pages later With some aggressive agitator And by and by he comes to hate her 'Cause she don't shave her underarms And he can't go for that 'Cause he's a young sophisticator (He's so sophisticated!) Baby baby why you cryin' It made me wonder what she said Forget that book I told her then Don't wanna hear about the book again

Unnh-ooh-oooh . . . Moire: Leather . . . Bozzio: What? Moire: Leather! Yes! I'm only fourteen Sickly 'n thin Tried all of my life Just to grow me a chin It popped out once Yes, but my dad pushed it in Tell me, why did he hurt me? Lord, he's my next of kin . . . He's a mex-i-kin I'm lonely 'n green; Too small for my shirt If Simmons was here I could feature my hurt I'm scared of the future Yes, and I hope I don't grow Listen here, nobody likes me 'Cause everywhere that I go They say NO They say NO They say NO Hey! Now I am older Got a place in the town, babe Got a chin on my shoulder

'N it keeps growing down 'n down 'n down I'm horny 'n lonely (Yes, I am!) 'N I wish I was dead Listen! Why am I livin'? Lord, I wanna be dead instead That's right, I said I wanna be dead instead Okay, now dig this: I wanna be dead In bed Please kill me (That's right) 'Cause that would thrill me I wanna be dead In bed Please kill me (Hey!) 'Cause that would thrill me I wanna be dead (Lord!) In bed (I wanna be dead instead) Please kill me (Be dead in bed, yeah) 'Cause that would thrill me I wanna be dead (Well, yes it sure is my name) In bed Please kill me (It's Terry Ted, Terry Ted) 'Cause that would thrill me (Kill me!) I wanna be dead (Thrill me!) In bed (Thrill me!) Please kill me (Will somebody) 'Cause that would thrill me (Every night) I wanna be dead (How 'bout you) In bed (It's drivin' me crazy) Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me (Hey, don't you wanna . . . ) Bozzio: Ungh . . . ungh . . . ungh . . . O'Hearn: Whadya say we go down the street for a few minutes? Moire: No . . . no go on that . . . I, uh . . . O'Hearn: You don't like fag bars? Moire: No O'Hearn: Well, try 'em! 8. Broken Hearts Are For Assholes

Some of you might not agree 'Cause you probably likes a lot of misery But think a while and you will see . . . (Take a while, you'll see) Broken hearts are for assholes Broken hearts are for assholes Are you an asshole? Broken hearts are for assholes Are you an asshole too? Whatcha gonna do, 'cause you're an asshole . . . No no no, yeah yeah yeah Hey! You're an ASSHOLE! Maybe you think you're a lonely guy Maybe you think you're too tough to cry So you went to The Grape, Just to give it a try (Just to give it a try) And Dagmar Possibly, the ugliest sonofabitch I've ever seen in my life Was his name . . . Handle-Bar Johnny's The whiskers sticking out from underneath of his Pancake make-up Alive and living in LEATHER Nearly drove you insane Awright, what you been waiting for? And so you kissed a little sailor Coming up next week at The Grape, something new, something exciting Who had just blew in from Spain You can get a few of these lovely little sailors to roll the stage back And pull the chain attached to the permanently-erected nipples of Jimmy It's showtime! Nice In a bold salute to pain Awright do you remember FiFi Dupree? You sniffed the reeking buns of Angel Formerly Buddy Love the Baron Of Beef And acted like it was cocaine Mmm . . . coming next week a Grape salute to S&M You were dazzled by the exciting new costume of Ko-Ko On Thursday night, a fine tribute: LEATHER! In a way you can't explain No one can salute leather without saluting Puerto Rico! And so you worked the wall with Michael Then we may come in up next Tuesday Which gave your back an awful strain Uhhh-nhh . . . But you came back on Sunday for the gong show In crushed velvet or leather But you forgot what I was sayin' 'Cause you're an asshole, You're an asshole That's right You're an asshole, 'n you're an asshole That's right You're an asshole, you're an asshole That's right You're an asshole, 'n you're an asshole

Sheik Yerbouti Yeah-hey! That's right! You're an aiee-asshole! Hammersmith Odeon, London, UK January 16, 1977 (parts) FZ guitar, vocals Ray White guitar, vocals Eddie Jobson violin, keyboards Patrick O'Hearn bass Terry Bozzio drums, vocals Come on! Hey! Do you know what you are? You're an asshole! Hey!

You say you can't live with what you've been through Well, ladies you can be an asshole too You might pretend you ain't got one on the bottom of you But don't fool yerself girl It's lookin' at you Don't fool yerself girl It's winkin' at you (Hey!) Don't fool yerself girl It's blinkin' at you Gonna ram it, ram it, ram it Ram it up yer poop chute

Cock ring (Chick-a-pttthh . . . ) Ram it, ram it, ram it Ram it up yer poop chute Leather (Knockwurst) Ram it, ram it, ram it Ram it up yer poop chute Shausage (Bockwurst) Ram it, ram it, ram it Ram it up yer poop chute Scabies (Weissburst) Ram it, ram it, ram it Ram it up yer poop chute Volume (Chick-a-pttthh) Don't fool yerself, girl, (Gonna ram it, gonna ram it . . . ) Gonna ram it up yer poop chute (Chick-a-pttthh) Nice Don't fool yerself, girl, (Gonna ram it, gonna ram it . . . ) Gonna ram it up yer poop chute (Asshole) Don't fool yerself, girl, (Gonna ram it, gonna ram it . . . ) Gonna ram it up yer poop chute (Ay ay ay ay) Don't fool yerself, girl, (Gonna ram it, gonna ram it . . . ) Gonna ram it up yer poop chute (Ay ay ay ay) Don't fool yerself, girl, (Gonna ram it, gonna ram it . . . ) Gonna ram it up yer poooop chute (Ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay) Don't fool yerself, girl, (Gonna ram it, gonna ram it . . . ) Gonna ram it up yer . . . O'Hearn: Yeah . . . I knew you'd be surprised . . . 9. The Legend Of The Illinois Enema Bandit FZ:OZ Zappa In New York You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6

around Chicago. This is the story of Michael Kenyon, a man who's serving time at this very moment for the crime of armed robbery. It so happens, that at the time of these robberies, Michael decided to give his female victims a little enema --apparently, there was no law against that. But his name lives on --Michael Kenyon, THE ILLINOIS ENEMA BANDIT! The Illinois Enema Bandit I heard he's on the loose I heard he's on the loose Lord, the pitiful screams Of all them college-educated women . . . He'd just be tyin' 'em up (They'd be all bound down!) Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice The Illinois Enema Bandit I heard it on the news I heard it on the news Bloomington Illinois . . . he has caused some alarm Just sneakin' around there From farm to farm He's got a rubberized bag And a hose on his arm Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump The Illinois Enema Bandit One day he'll have to pay Some day he'll have to pay The police will say, "You're under arrest!" And the judge would have him for a special guest Then the D.A. will order a secret test Stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest Then they'll put out a call-yooou! for the jury folks (That's you over there) And the judge would say, "No poo-poo jokes!" Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see, Sayin' "Don't nobody, no no, have no sympathy . . . HOT SOAPY WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!" And then the Bandit might say, "Why is everybody lookin' at me?"

includes a quote from It Can't Happen Here The Palladium, NYC December 26-29, 1976 FZ lead guitar, vocals Ray White rhythm guitar, vocals Eddie Jobson keyboards, violin, vocals Patrick O'Hearn bass, vocals Terry Bozzio drums, vocals Ruth Underwood percussion, synthesizer David Samuels timpani, vibes Randy Brecker trumpet Mike Brecker tenor sax, flute Lou Marini alto sax, flute Ronnie Cuber baritone sax, clarinet Tom Malone trombone, trumpet, piccolo Don Pardo sophisticated narration FZ: And now folks, it's time for Don Pardo to deliver our special Illinois Enema Bandit-type announcement. Take it away, Don! Don Pardo: This is a true story about a famous criminal from right

DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY? WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS KINDA MISERY? WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY? Well, one girl shout: "Let the Bandit be!" BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY? BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY? TELL ME NOW, WHAT'S YOUR PLEA? Another girl shout: "Let the fiend go free!" ARE YOU GUILTY? BANDIT, DID YOU DO THESE DEEDS? COME ON, NOW He said, "It must be just what they all need . . . " "It must be just what they all need . . . " (That's right!) "It must be just what they all need . . . " (Over there) "It must be just what they all need . . . " (Help me out now!) "It must be just what they all need . . . "

(That's right) "It must be just what they all need . . . " He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "Don't you know it must be just what they all need . . . " (That's it!) He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "Don't you know it must be just what they all need . . . " The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be . . . hey! Talkin' bout the Illinois . . . Illinois . . . Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana . . . ha . . . Ain't talkin' 'bout Po-head-otated . . . ha . . . (I'll try again . . . ) Potato Headed Bobby Talkin' 'bout the Illinois Enema Bandit Yeah yeah yeah

FZ: Awright-awright! Ray White, the assistant Illinois Enema Bandit, live on stage here in New York . . . ! That's it . . . sit right down and make yourselves comfortable . . . 10. Lemme Take You To The Beach Studio Tan Basic track: Hot Rats Sessions August-September, 1969 Overdubs: Record Plant, LA c. 1976 FZ guitar, vocals Davey Moire vocals Eddie Jobson keyboards, yodeling Max Bennett bass Paul Humphrey drums Don Brewer bongos Lemme take you to the beach La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la Lemme take you to the beach La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-lahhh Bring the the weenies I'll bring the soft drinks And the cookies Everybody's in love! Lemme take you to a show Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo Lemme take you to a show Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wohhh Eat a candy! You are dandy! Can I kiss you? Maybe I'll just hold your hand-eeee! Lemme take you to the beach again La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la Lemme take you to the beach again La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-lahhh Have a freak out Later we'll peak out You're on restriction So you'll probably sneak out! 11. Revised Music For Guitar & Low Budget Orchestra

FZ: Wait a minute, this is for Roy Estrada, wherever he's Wanna-wanna-wannanenema An enema Wanna-wanna-wannanenema An enema I wanna-wanna-wannanenema Eh . . . Take it away! The Illinois Enema Bandit (The Enema Bandit) The Enema Bandit (The Enema Bandit) The Enema Bandit Talkin' bout the Illinois Enema Bandit . . . ( . . . It can't happen here!) Juice!

Playground Psychotics Studio Tan Band parts: Record Plant, LA January-February, 1975 FZ guitar, percussion George Duke keyboards Bruce Fowler trombone Tom Fowler bass Chester Thompson drums Orchestra parts: Royce Hall, UCLA September 19, 1975 The Abnuceals Emuukha Electric Orchestra

12. RDNZL The Lost Episodes You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 Studio Tan You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 Caribou Studios, Nederland, Colorado December, 1974 FZ guitar George Duke keyboards James "Bird Legs" Youmans bass Ruth Underwood percussion, synthesizer Chester Thompson drums

What a splendid sight (Roon doon doon doon) Her teeth were white (Oo-ah oo-oooh) The drinks were cheap (it was Ladies Nite) He was glad that he met her She was an office girl ("My name is Betty") Her fav'rite group was HELEN REDDY (They discussed the weather) Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Man! She was a lonely sort, just a little too short Her jokes were dumb and her fav'rite sport Was hockey (in the winter)

disc 2 1. Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me? Zappa In New York You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 3 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 The Palladium, NYC December 26-29, 1976 and Unknown location January-February, 1977 FZ guitar, vocals Ray White guitar, vocals Eddie Jobson violin, keyboards Patrick O'Hearn bass Terry Bozzio drums, vocals + Ruth Underwood percussion, synthesizer David Samuels timpani, vibes Terry Bozzio voice Patrick O'Hearn voice Davey Moire voice Bozzio: It's gone . . . O'Hearn: What? Your talent for sucking? Bozzio: I . . . O'Hearn: Never . . . Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me He was the Playboy Type (he smoked a pipe) His fav'rite phrase was "OUTA-SITE!" He had an Irish Setter (Hrtch-a-pltch Hrtch-a-pltch Hrtch-a-pltch Arf!) It was a singles bar, a Tuesday night The moon was dim, the band was tight They did the Bump together

He was duly impressed and was quick to suggest Any sport with a PUCK had to be 'bout the best As he jabbed his elbow in her (get it honey?) Later on they went off to where the music was soft, The candles were drippy, they saw a REAL HIPPY Who delivered their dinner The rice was brown, and soon they found That the crowd around that had jammed the room, Well it seemed to be getting thinner Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Man! He took her home to a motor court She wouldn't kiss him, he tried to ignore it, But it made him angry! (Angry! It made me angry! Why it made me so angry I COULD HAVE KILLED THAT LOUSY BITCH!) He called her a slut (Slut slut slut . . . ) A pig (Pig pig pig . . . ) And a whore (Whore whore whore . . . ) A bitch (Bitch bitch bitch . . . ) And a cunt (Cunt cunt cunt . . . ) And she slammed the door (The door!) In a petulant frenzy! (A petulant frenzy! This is a petulant Frenzy! I'm petulant, And I'm having a frenzy!)

Guy In The Audience: Fuck you! FZ: Fuck you too, buddy. You know what I mean? Fuck you very much On the sofa she weeps BOO HOO HOO HOO She weeps and she weeps BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO She weeps and she peeps Through the curtain He just got in his car But the battery's dead So he asked to use the phone And she gives him some head And that's the end of the story Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a man like me Honey honey, hey Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Baby don't you want a Man! Baby don't you want a man sometimes? Bozzio: Wait a minute; we gotta get somethin' happenin' here. He's in there spendin' thousands of dollars 'n shit . . . We should make this worthwhile. We should . . . We should get into something REAL O'Hearn: Ho Ho Moire: LEATHER! Bozzio: No, man, he's not interested in Leather . . . shit . . . That shit's been fuckin' rubbed in the ground . . . Hmmmm . . . Christ, that's goin' on two tours old now . . . We gotta come up with some new shit . . . O'Hearn: Oh-ho-ho-you don't think so, huh? 2. The Black Page #1 Zappa In New York Baby Snakes You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5 You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 Make A Jazz Noise Here The Palladium, NYC December 26-29, 1976 FZ lead guitar, vocals Ray White rhythm guitar, vocals Eddie Jobson keyboards, violin, vocals Patrick O'Hearn bass, vocals Terry Bozzio drums, vocals Ruth Underwood percussion, synthesizer David Samuels timpani, vibes Randy Brecker trumpet Mike Brecker tenor sax, flute Lou Marini alto sax, flute Ronnie Cuber baritone sax, clarinet Tom Malone trombone, trumpet, piccolo

The Palladium, NYC December 26-29, 1976 FZ lead guitar, vocals Ray White rhythm guitar, vocals Eddie Jobson keyboards, violin, vocals Patrick O'Hearn bass, vocals Terry Bozzio drums, vocals Ruth Underwood percussion, synthesizer David Samuels timpani, vibes Randy Brecker trumpet Mike Brecker tenor sax, flute Lou Marini alto sax, flute Ronnie Cuber baritone sax, clarinet Tom Malone trombone, trumpet, piccolo There's a big dilemma 'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah There's a big dilemma 'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah She used to knock me out Until her face broke out There's a big dilemma 'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah There's a big dilemma 'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah She was my steady date Until she put on weight Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Emma (Damp! Too-koo-too koo-too-koo Too-koo-too too-koo-too) Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Emma (Damp! Boogedy boogedy Boogedy boogedy) There's a big dilemma About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah There's a big dilemma About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah She used to knock me out Until her face broke out She used to knock me out Until her face broke out She used to knock me out Until her face broke out FZ: Thank you! 4. Punky's Whips Zappa In New York Baby Snakes

3. Big Leg Emma Absolutely Free Zappa In New York

includes a quote from Isn't It Romantic? (Rodgers/Hart) The Palladium, NYC December 26-29, 1976

FZ lead guitar, vocals Ray White rhythm guitar, vocals Eddie Jobson keyboards, violin, vocals Patrick O'Hearn bass, vocals Terry Bozzio drums, vocals Ruth Underwood percussion, synthesizer David Samuels timpani, vibes Randy Brecker trumpet Mike Brecker tenor sax, flute Lou Marini alto sax, flute Ronnie Cuber baritone sax, clarinet Tom Malone trombone, trumpet, piccolo Don Pardo sophisticated narration Patrick O'Hearn voice? Davey Moire voice Moire: What ever happened to all the fun in the world? O'Hearn?: Gurh-gurh-gurh-gurhg . . . Don Pardo: In today's rapidly changing world, musical groups appear almost every day with some new promotional device . . . Some of these devices have been known to leave irreparable scars on the minds of foolish young consumers . . . One such case is seated before you . . . live on stage . . . yes, Terry Bozzio . . . Terry: That's meeee! Don Pardo: That cute little drummer . . . Terry recently felt in love with a publicity photo of a boy named Punky Meadows, lead guitar player from a group called ANGEL . . . In the photo, Punky was seen with a beautiful shiny hairdo in a semi-profile which emphasized the pooched out succulence of his insolent pouting rictus ... Terry: Ooh, Punky . . . Don Pardo: The sight of which drove the helpless drummer mad with desire! I can't stand the way he pouts ('Cause he might not be pouting for me!) Hah! Pouting for you? Hah! Punky Meadows? Pouting for you? His hair's so shiny and it's done real nice (Til I squirm with ecstasy!) Squirm with ecstasy . . . Punky, Punky, give me your lips To die on . . . Isn't it romantic, Punky?

I wonder if Punky is rehearsin' today I'll just go over, 'n hear him play His hair is so pretty . . . I'd like to bite his neck I've heard a rumor he's more fluid than Jeff Beck (Dig this . . . ) I AIN'T QUEER I AIN'T GAY (He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay) A wrist array-he-hey (That's all it is) Punky's lips, Punky's lips Oh, I love his hair, eatin' dunk-y chips Yes, I love his blink and his blank-blank-blank Why, maybe he'd like to yank my crank? YANK IT PUNKY! YANK IT FASTER! YANK IT HARDER! YANK IT ALL NITE LONG! COME ON PUNKY! GET FUNKY! I AIN'T QUEER (NO NO NO NO) I AIN'T GAY (NO NO NO NO) (He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-he-he-he-hey) A wrist array-hey (One more time for the world!) And then he said: I AIN'T QUEER I AIN'T GAY (He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ay-hay) I-I Lord, I-I'm fo-fo-o-o-nd Of chiffo-on In a wrist array-ee-ay-hey I said I-I-I-I-I-I-I Lord, I'm fo-o-nd Of chiffo-on In a wrist array Come on, Punky! FZ: Thank You . . . Terry Bozzio, Ladies and gentleman . . . 5. Flambé Sleep Dirt

Punky, Punky, give me your lips To die on . . . I promise not to come in your mouth Punky, Punky, your album's the shits It's all wrong . . . but listen, this is no laughing matter I ain't really queer But if he ever got near Steven Tyler would PAY to see! Pay to see Punky's whips, Punky's whips His hair's so shiny, I love his hips I love his teeth, 'n his gums 'n such . . . PUNKY (So what's happenin', man?) You're an ANGEL . . . (Oh . . . ) You're too much He's been havin' a rash (No shit) That keeps the girls away Skin doom (Skin doom!) Is what the doctors say

Basic track: Caribou Studios, Nederland, Colorado December, 1974 Bass overdubs: Record Plant, LA c. 1976 George Duke keyboards Patrick O'Hearn string bass Ruth Underwood percussion Chester Thompson drums Patrick O'Hearn voice Davey Moire voice Moire: There it is . . . O'Hearn: Bill, look at it . . . ain't she a beauty . . . Moire: It's . . . it's breathtaking . . . O'Hearn: Sh . . . sh . . . she musta cost you a small fortune . . . whadya pay for it? Moire: An arm and a leg . . . Christ, are you kidding? . . . Shit, I'm in hock up to my godamned eyeballs . . . 6. The Purple Lagoon

Zappa In New York includes Approximate and a quote from Blue Monk (Monk)

O'Hearn: Oh . . . Moire: Uh-huhm . . . 9. Spider Of Destiny Sleep Dirt

The Palladium, NYC December 26-29, 1976

Basic track: Caribou Studios, Nederland, Colorado December, 1974 Bass overdubs: Record Plant, LA c. 1976

FZ lead guitar, vocals Ray White rhythm guitar, vocals Eddie Jobson keyboards, violin, vocals Patrick O'Hearn bass, vocals Terry Bozzio drums, vocals Ruth Underwood percussion, synthesizer David Samuels timpani, vibes Randy Brecker trumpet Mike Brecker tenor sax, flute Lou Marini alto sax, flute Ronnie Cuber baritone sax, clarinet Tom Malone trombone, trumpet, piccolo

FZ guitar George Duke keyboards Patrick O'Hearn bass Ruth Underwood percussion Chester Thompson drums Patrick O'Hearn voice

O'Hearn: Tse-heh-heh-heh-heh-ha-ha . . . 7. Pedro's Dowry Orchestral Favorites London Symphony Orchestra Vol. I

O'Hearn: Say, uh . . . you still bowling? 10. Duke Of Orchestral Prunes The Old Masters Box One Mystery Disc Absolutely Free Mothermania Orchestral Favorites

Royce Hall, UCLA September 19, 1975 The Abnuceals Emuukha Electric Orchestra

Royce Hall, UCLA September 19, 1975

Davey Moire voice The Abnuceals Emuukha Electric Orchestra Moire: Oh God, no, not again . . . 8. Läther disc 3 Zappa In New York 1. Filthy Habits The Palladium, NYC December 26-29, 1976 FZ lead guitar, vocals Ray White rhythm guitar, vocals Eddie Jobson keyboards, violin, vocals Patrick O'Hearn bass, vocals Terry Bozzio drums, vocals Ruth Underwood percussion, synthesizer David Samuels timpani, vibes Randy Brecker trumpet Mike Brecker tenor sax, flute Lou Marini alto sax, flute Ronnie Cuber baritone sax, clarinet Tom Malone trombone, trumpet, piccolo Terry Bozzio voice Dale Bozzio voice Patrick O'Hearn voice Davey Moire voice Bozzio: HEH-heh-heh . . . Dale: Ahhhh! O'Hearn: Ooo-oo-oo-oh, yes! Bozzio: What?! O'Hearn: Ahhh . . . smell it . . . Moire: Nn-hng . . .

FZ:OZ Sleep Dirt You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 includes a quote from Bogus Pomp ('83 version) and part of the leather conversation Record Plant, LA c. May-June, 1976 FZ guitar, keyboards Dave Parlato bass Terry Bozzio drums Terry Bozzio voice Patrick O'Hearn voice Davey Moire voice? Louis The Turkey?: Uh . . . heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh . .. Bozzio: Larry's not with us any more; he went on y'know O'Hearn: Yeah Bozzio: Yeah . . . He bit the big one O'Hearn: Hah-hah!

Bozzio: Ahem . . . Yeah . . . Well, he's got his own little piece of heaven now O'Hearn: Hhh! Hah-hah-hah . . . Moire?: Alright, if he'd played something else . . . 'Cause, uh, they just aren't gonna stand for it . . .

Then the sucker just laughed 'n said:

2. Titties 'N Beer

FZ: You ate my Chrissy?

Zappa In New York Have I Offended Someone? Baby Snakes The Palladium, NYC December 26-29, 1976 FZ lead guitar, vocals Ray White rhythm guitar, vocals Eddie Jobson keyboards, violin, vocals Patrick O'Hearn bass, vocals Terry Bozzio drums, vocals Ruth Underwood percussion, synthesizer David Samuels timpani, vibes Randy Brecker trumpet Mike Brecker tenor sax, flute Lou Marini alto sax, flute Ronnie Cuber baritone sax, clarinet Tom Malone trombone, trumpet, piccolo It was the blackest night There was no moon in sight You know the stars ain't shinin' 'Cause the sky's too tight I heard the scarey wind I seen some ugly trees There was a werewolf honkin' 'Long the side of me I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me . . . 'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery I noticed even the crickets Were actin' weird up here 'N so I figured I might Just drink a little beer I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on . . . " But there was no reply 'Cause she was gone . . . "Where's those titties I like so well, 'n my goddamn beer!" Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil . . . He's about this big . . . He had a red suit on An' a widow's peak An' then a pointed tail 'N like a sulphur reek Yes, it was him awright, I sweared I knowed it was He had some human flesh Stuck underneath his claws You know, it looked to me Like it was titty skin I said, "You sonofabitch!" 'Cause I was mad at him, Well he just got out his floss 'N started cleanin' his fang So I shot him with my shooter, Said: BANG BANG BANG

Terry: Oh, put it away . . . You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?

Terry: Titties 'n all! FZ: Well, what about the beer then, boy? Terry: Ah . . . Were the cans this tall? FZ: Even her boots? Terry: Would I lie to you? FZ: Shit, you musta been hungry! Terry: Yes, this is true. FZ: Don't they pay you good For the stuff that you do? Terry: Well, you know I can't complain when the checks come through . . . FZ: Well I want my Chrissy, 'N I want my beer So you just barf it back up Now, Devil, do you hear? Terry: Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I mean, I am the Devil, Do you understand? Just what will you give me for your Titties and beer? I suppose you noticed this little contract here . . . FZ: Yer goddam right, you Son-of-a-whore Terry: Don't call me that! FZ: That's about the only reason I learned writin' for . . . Gimme that paper . . . bet yer ass I will sign . . . Because I need a beer, 'N it's titty-squeezin' time! Terry: Man, you can't fool me . . . you ain't that bad . . . I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls that I've had . . .

FZ: Oh, yeah? Terry: Why there was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew, too . . . 'N both of those suckers was worse 'n you . . . FZ: Well, let's make a deal if you think that's true I mean, you're the Devil so . . . Whatcha gonna do? Terry: Wait a minute . . . a tinge of doubt crosses my mind when you say that you want to make a deal with me . . . FZ: That's very, very true . . . Terry: Wait . . . you ain't supposed to wanna make a deal with me FZ: Ah, but I'm slightly different than your average customer, Devil ... Terry: But, wait . . . but most people don't want to make a deal with me . . . Wha . . . FZ: Yeah . . . Terry: What's your story? FZ: Well, most people are afraid of you, see? They don't know how stupid you are . . . I happen to know that you jack off to a picture of Punky Meadows when you get home . . . Terry: Grrah . . . Stupid . . . Grrh . . . FZ: You know . . . ever since that guy told you that he contained more fluid than Jeff Beck you've been tryin' to outdo him . . . Awright, look, I'm gonna say one thing to you . . . this may not register right away, but let me say this . . . I'm only interested in two things Terry: Yeah . . . FZ: See if you can guess what they are Terry: I would think . . . uh . . . let's see, maybe . . . uh . . . FZ: Well, I'll give you . . . Terry: Stravinsky . . . and, uh . . . FZ: I'll give you two clues . . . Terry: . . . let's see . . . uh . . . FZ: Let go of your pickle Terry: What? FZ: Let go of your pickle! Terry: I'm not holding my pickle FZ: Well, who's holding your pickle then? Terry: I don't know . . . ha! She's out in the audience . . . Hey, Dale, would you like to come up here and hold my pickle to satisfy this weird man out here on the stage? FZ: I'm only interested in two things, that's titties and beer, you know what I mean? Terry: What? FZ: Yeah . . . Terry: Titties and beer? FZ: Titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer . . . Terry: (Growling) Whoa, I don't know if you're the right guy! FZ: . . . titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer . . . Terry: No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think . . . I mean . . . FZ: Alright! Terry: Hold on a second, boy . . . 'Cause that's Magic Ink! And then the Devil let go of his pickle 'N out jumped m'girl They heard the titties PLOP-PLOPPIN' All around the world, she said: "I GOT ME THREE BEERS 'N A FIST FULLA DOWNS, AN' I'M GONNA GET RIPPED, SO FUCK YOU CLOWNS!"

Then she gave us the finger, It was rigid 'n stiff, That's when the Devil, he farted An' she went right over the cliff The Devil was mad I took off to my pad I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? Bozzio: One more time for the world! 3. The Ocean Is The Ultimate Solution Sleep Dirt Record Plant, LA c. 1976 FZ guitar, synthesizer Patrick O'Hearn string bass, electric bass Terry Bozzio drums [1:57] O'Hearn: Damn it! 4. The Adventures Of Greggery Peccary Joe's Domage Studio Tan includes quotes from Big Swifty (FZ), Chameleon (Jackson/Mason/Maupin/Hancock), Dust My Broom (Elmore James), Entry Of The Gladiators (Julius Fucik), Billy The Mountain (FZ), Louie Louie (Richard Berry), My Three Sons (DeVol), Blessed Relief (FZ) and It Just Might Be A One-Shot Deal (FZ) The Record Plant January 3-14, 1975 FZ guitar, vocals George Duke keyboards John Berkman piano Michael Zearott piano Pamela Goldsmith viola Murray Adler violin Sheldon Sanov violin Jerry Kessler cello Edward Meares bass Bruce Fowler trombone Don Waldrop trombone Jock Ellis trombone Dana Hughes bass trombone Earle Dumler oboe JoAnn Caldwell McNab bassoon Mike Altschul flute Graham Young trumpet Jay Daversa trumpet Malcolm McNab trumpet Ray Reed flute Victor Morosco sax John Rotella woodwinds Alan Estes percussion

Emil Richards percussion Tom Fowler bass Chester Thompson drums

Is a symbol Of how nimble my mind will know Ooh-ooh!

Royce Hall, UCLA September 19, 1975

Narrator: (Swank suave!)

The Abnuceals Emuukha Electric Orchestra Greggery: Narrator: The adventures of GREGGERY PECCARY!

Hoon-hoon hoonna-han Hoonna hoonna

Greggery:

Narrator:

Oh, here comes GREGGERY, Little GREGGERY PECCARY The nocturnal gregarious Wild swine . . .

Look out! Here he comes again!

Narrator: A peccary is a little pig with a white collar that usually hangs around between Texas and Paraguay, sometimes ranging as far west as Catalina Greggery: Catalina, Catalina, Catalina!

Greggery: Oh here comes GREGGERY PECCARY Yes it's cravy, cravy, yeah . . . Hoonna-han Hoonna-han Narrator:

Narrator:

Every morning, GREGGERY drives his little red Volkswagen to the ugly part of town where they keep the Government Buildings.

This particular peccary is part of that bold . . .

Greggery:

Greggery: Bold . . . Narrator: New . . . Greggery: New . . . Narrator: Breed . . . Greggery:

Voodn, Voodn! Boy it's so hard to find a place to park around here! Voo-voo-voo-nya-hoon Narrator: GREGGERY PECCARY takes the elevator up to the eighty-third floor of a grim, gray, evil-looking building with a sign on the front reading: 'BIG SWIFTY & ASSOCIATES, TREND-MONGERS'. And what, might you ask, is a TREND MONGER? Well, a TREND MONGER is a person who dreams up a TREND (like 'The Twist' --or 'Flower Power'), and spreads it throughout the land, using all the frightening little skills that Science has made available! And so it was, one fateful morning, GREGGERY PECCARY made his way through the Steno Pool . . .

Breeding . . . Greggery: Narrator: That distinguishes itself by markings which resemble a WIDE TIE directly below the white collar

Hi Mildred! Hello Gladys! WANDA!

Greggery:

Narrator:

If it's wide enough Everyone will know That the tie I'm wearing

Yes, from the moment they laid eyes on him, all the girls in the BIG SWIFTY Steno Pool KNEW . . . here was a nocturnal, gregarious

wild swine ON HIS WAY UP . . . a PECCARY of Destiny, Adventure and ROMANCE . . .

TREND, thereby rejuvenating our limping economy, and providing for bored & miserable people everywhere some great new 'THING' to identify with!

Greggery: Stenographers: Is there any mail for me? Stenographers: SWIFTY'S! THIS IS BIG SWIFTY'S! AT BIG SWIFTY'S WE ALL KNOW-OW-OW (WO-WO) YOU'LL GO FOR ANY GIMMICK OR GIZMO! Greggery: WOULDN'T YOU RATHER BE INVOLVED IN A SERIES OF COLORFUL TIME-WASTING TRENDS? Narrator: AIR HOCKEY . . . biff . . . dush-h-h! Stenographers: LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA YOUP YOUP YOUP YOUP Greggery: IS YOUR WIFE SNORING BY THE SINK? Stenographers: LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA YOUP YOUP YOUP YOUP

WE HAVE GOT THE LITTLE ANSWERS TO THE THINGS THAT MIGHT BE BOTHERING YOU! Greggery: WE HAVE GOT YOUR LITTLE TOYS! Stenographers: (WE'RE BUSY MAKIN' 'EM!) BUSY MAKIN' 'EM, WE'RE BUSY MAKIN' 'EM Greggery: BUSY MAKIN' EM Stenographers: JUST FOR YOU! Yoo-hoo-hoo! Greggery: Highly efficient, Miss Snodgrass! Narrator: And with that, GREGGERY turned and strode nonchalantly into his dinky little office with the desk and the catalog and the very hip water pipe, and proceeded, with a vigor and determination known only to piglets of a similarly diminutive proportion, to singlehandedly invent THE CALENDAR!

Greggery:

Stenographers:

With his eyes rolled heaven-ward, and his little shiny pig-hoofs on the desk, GREGGERY ponders the question of ETERNITY (and fractional divisions thereof), as mysterious ANGELIC VOICES sing to him from a great distance, providing the necessary clues for the construction of this thrilling new TREND!

YOUP YOUP YOUP-YOUP-YOUP YOUP YOUP

Angelic Voices:

Greggery:

SUNDAY

LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER WHEN THERE'S SOME LITTLE SOMETHING TO DO!

Greggery:

AIN'T YOUR LIFE BORING, DON'TCHA THINK?

Narrator: Does it matter that this waste of time is what makes a LIFE for you? Hmmmmm?

Sunday? WOW! SUNDAY, SATURDAY . . . TUESDAY THROUGH 'MONDAY - MONDAY'! SUNDAY, SATURDAY Narrator:

Greggery: I must plummet boldly forward to my ultra-avant laminated, simulated replica-mahogany desk, with the strategically-placed, imported, very hip water pipe, and the latest edition of the WHOLE EARTH CATALOG, and rack my agile mind for a spectacular new

And thus THE CALENDAR, in all of its colorful disguises was presented to the bored & miserable people everywhere! GREGGERY issued a memo on it, whereupon the entire contents of the Steno Pool identified with it STRENUOUSLY, and

WORSHIPPED IT as a WAY OF LIFE, and took their little pills by it, and went back 'n forth from work by it, and paid their rent by it, and before long they were even having BIRTHDAY PARTIES IN THE OFFICE by it, because NOW, AT LAST, GREGGERY PECCARY's exciting new invention had made it possible for everyone to find out HOW OLD THEY WERE!

HO! HO! HO! Narrator: Which seems to be rumbling up from the very depths of the cave in which he has hidden his car!

Greggery: Greggery: What hath GOD wrought? Good Lord! What was that? Narrator: Narrator: Unfortunately, there were some people who simply DID NOT WISH TO KNOW, and that's why, on his way home from the office one night, GREGGERY was attacked by a RAGE OF HUNCHMEN!

GREGGERY doesn't realize he has concealed himself inside the very mouth of

Making his way through the evening traffic, GREGGERY notices that the other vehicles which crowd and bump his little red car are all inhabited by slowly-aging 'VERY HIP YOUNG PEOPLE.'

Billy:

They appear to be casting sinister glances toward him through their glinting acid burn-out eyeballs, trying to run him off the road, or make him bump into something . . . giving strong evidence of HOSTILE AGGRESSION!

Narrator:

To elude them, GREGGERY takes the SHORT FOREST EXIT off the expressway. They zoom after him in all manner of cars, trucks, garishly-painted buses, and motorcycles.

Billy:

GREGGERY takes a bumpy trail off the main SHORT FOREST ROAD, which leads him up the side of a FAMOUS (and conveniently placed) MOUNTAIN, and into a strange cave on the edge of a cliff, not far from a LITTLE TWISTED TREE . . . with eyes on it.

Narrator:

Meanwhile, the enraged HUNCHMEN (and HUNCH-WOMEN) rumble through the SHORT FOREST until (realizing the little swine has escaped), they decide to park their steaming vehicles in a circular pseudo-Wagon Train formation . . . and have a LOVE-IN! Under the influence of a fantastic amount of TRENDY CHEMICAL AMUSEMENT AID, they proceed to perform lewd acts, rip each other off for small personal possessions, and dance with depraved abandon in the vicinity of a six-foot pile of transistor radios (each one tuned to a different station).

HO! HO! HO!

BILLY THE MOUNTAIN!

HO! HO! HO!

And, as you all know, whenever BILLY laughs, rocks and boulders hack up, and the air for miles around is filled with tons of dust, forming a series of huge BROWN CLOUDS! Greggery: WHO IS MAKING THOSE NEW BROWN CLOUDS? WHO IS MAKING THOSE CLOUDS THESE DAYS? WHO IS MAKING THOSE NEW BROWN CLOUDS? BETTER ASK A PHILOSTOPHER 'N SEE WHAT HE SAYS! Narrator:

Greggery:

GREGGERY stops at a gas station and makes a mysterious phone call . . .

WHAT?

Greggery:

Narrator: The HUNCHMEN finally expire from exhaustion, and GREGGERY, who has viewed the proceedings from a safe distance, breathes a sigh of relief . . . Greggery: Phew! Narrator: Only to be terrified once again by a roar of immense laughter . . . Billy:

IS THIS THE OLD LOFT WITH THE PAINT PEELIN' OFF IT BY THE CHINESE POLICE WHERE THE DOGS ROLL BY? IS THIS WHERE THEY KEEP THE PHILOSTOPHERS NOW, WITH THE RUGS & THE DUST, WHERE THE BOOKS GO TO DIE? HOW MANY YEZ GOT? SAY YEZ GOT QUITE A FEW, JUST SITTIN' AROUND THERE WITH NOTHIN' TO DO? WELL I JUST CALLED YEZ UP 'CAUSE I WANTED TO SEE

A PHILOSTOPHER BE OF ASSISTANCE TO ME!

FZ: Uh, Warner Brothers does not have the rights to this material, although it was delivered to them. See, this is an eight-sided album. Y'know, they don't happen very often. I had my nerve, didn't I?

Narrator: 6. Leather Goods GREGGERY receives information that 'The Greatest Living PHILOSTOPHER Known to Mankind' is currently in possession of the very information in question, and, furthermore, this information could be HIS, if only GREGGERY would attend a 'SPECIAL THERAPEUTIC GROUP ASSEMBLY' (Classes now forming), and available at a special low low introductory fee . . . and now, here he is, 'The Greatest Living PHILOSTOPHER Known to Mankind', QUENTIN ROBERT DeNAMELAND! Take it away!

Läther includes quotes from Dazed And Confused (Page) and Whole Lotta Love (Page/Plant/Jones/Bonham) Hammersmith Odeon, London, UK January 17, 1977

Quentin: Folks, as you can see for yourself, the way this clock over here is behaving, TIME IS OF AFFLICTION! Now this might be cause for alarm among a portion of you, as, from a certain experience, I TEND TO PROCLAIM: 'THE EONS ARE CLOSING'!

FZ guitar, vocals Ray White guitar, vocals Eddie Jobson violin, keyboards Patrick O'Hearn bass Terry Bozzio drums, vocals Jim Motorhead Sherwood voice (from inside the piano)

Narrator: Make your checks payable to 'QUENTIN ROBERT DeNAMELAND, Greatest Living Philostopher Known to Mankind'!

FZ: Hoopla! This is Frank Zappa as your bogus temporary disc jockey . . .

Greggery:

Motorhead: Yeah I-I left home. I used to sleep in one of those old stand-up Baldwins, y'know?

WHO IS MAKING THOSE NEW BROWN CLOUDS? WHO IS MAKING THOSE CLOUDS THESE DAYS? WHO IS MAKING THOSE NEW BROWN CLOUDS? IF YOU ASK A PHILOSTOPHER, HE'LL SEE THAT YOU PAYS! Moire: L-le-leather . . .

Guy In The Audience: Yeah! Bozzio: "Terr, ya gotta upset stomach? I give you some PeptoDismal" 7. Revenge Of The Knick Knack People Previous | Top | Notes & Comments | Songlist | Next

5. Re-Gyptian Strut (1993) Sleep Dirt Läther Basic track: Caribou Studios, Nederland, Colorado December, 1974 FZ percussion George Duke keyboards Bruce Fowler all brass James "Bird Legs" Youmans bass Ruth Underwood percussion Chad Wackerman drum overdubs FZ: Hey. Awlright. Ladies and gentleman, this is Frank Zappa and here comes the Läther album. Voice: Just what the hell's going on down there anyway? You-you kids quit monkeying with that machinery! Get the hell outta there!

8. Time Is Money Sleep Dirt Caribou Studios, Nederland, Colorado December, 1974 FZ guitar George Duke keyboards, synth bass Ruth Underwood percussion, synthesizer Chester Thompson drums Patrick O'Hearn voice FZ: Well, there it was, all eight sides of the Läther album. This has been Frank Zappa as temporary bogus disc jockey and, ahh, goodbye! O'Hearn: L-le-leather . . .

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted Site maintained by Román García Albertos http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/ Lyrics from the original albums Original transcription for new material from Zootsuit Systematic Leather Review Further corrections and additions by Román, Patrick Neve, Dave Lane, Jon Naurin, Ryan Davenport, Bossk (R), Nugneant, Stu Mark and Charles Ulrich