Frame Control

Covert Emotional Abuse-Frame Control

Frame Control Frame control is the invisible context upon which a social interaction is built, and the person with the strongest frame is likely to have the most leverage in the social interaction. Emotional abusers love "frames". For instance, an emotionally abusive mother or father will use their entitlement as a parent to give them leverage over their children: "I am your mother..." "Don't talk to your mother that way..." Men who are the bread winners also establish "frames" to make themselves look right all the time: "I pay the bills here..." (sets the frame he is the provider, and as such you cannot argue with him, and that your needs are not as important as his). Emotionally abusive boyfriends or girlfriends set these "frames"... "I'm your girlfriend..." "You can't do that for your man..." Etc. These "frames" will always be there, and you will notice them using them. A powerful frame does not make the person right; it just makes them appear right. Thus, they are more difficult to argue with and oppose, are more easily right in the eyes of other people-and so those with the strongest frame can establish the advantage of getting others on their side easily. Nine times out of ten, the one on the receiving end has been jammed in the social interactions with the emotional abuser with a lesser frame. Another example: "My boss told me..." (the NPD boss is the boss, right. So, he has a powerful Frame from the beginning, making it easy for him to abuse, de-value, etc).

Frame Wars A mother uses this frame on her son: "Is this how you're going to talk to your mother..." The son/daughter reverse the frame:

"Do you think this is how you should treat your son/daughter?" A girlfriend or spouse: "I am supposed to be your wife..." is/can be reversed with: "I am supposed to be your husband..."

Stacked Frames Emotional abuser "stacks" frames one on top of the other, creating an even more powerful illusion of their supremacy over the person whom they are abusing and controlling. Example: "I am your mother. I have done my best to provide for you and be a good role model for you. It hasn't been easy to keep a full time job and raise you at the same time". Frames set up above were: 1) Mother 2) Role Model 3) Hard Worker The result: These frames assist in making the words and statements the emotional abuser makes more credible.

Hot Words As Power Frames: "I tried to commit suicide, don't you understand that? You're triggering me right now...why are you doing this?" Power Word That Becomes A "Frame" Through Which The Social Interactions Will Be Interpreted: Suicide Accusative Phrases: "Your triggering me right now..." "Why are you doing this..." Result:

By mentioning a past event (suicide), the emotional abuser gains leverage over the present social interaction because she/he illicit immediate sympathy-even though this is an historic event, and by layering a sensitive event that happened in the past with accusations pertinent in the present, frame control has been established by the emotional abuser. This can simply be a manipulative way of saying, "STFU" by the emotional abuser. Furthermore, it is "presupposed" that if you don't STFU, that you will drive the emotional abuser into another suicide attempt. Thus, it is through this fear the emotional abuser can use victim tactics to control you with. This is also a common occurrence, and is often entitled, "emotional blackmail": "If you leave me, then I will kill myself". (also make note of "if"="then" language construct). Or I could just say, "Please stop talking about that because I'm suicidal" to anyone who says anything I don't like.

Non Verbal Frames Beauty Social Value Rich Nice car Good job Also, we have 'occupation' that set up frame control: "He is a doctor..." "I am a lawyer..." Frame Control, obviously, can set up "value", but it can also be used to de-value. An example is as follows: "You work at a gas station..." "He lives in a trailer..." "She is a waitress and I'm a lawyer..." (sets the frame where the lawyer is in an elevated position within that set of social interactions. Also, is a contrast frame that establishes an indirect comparison...).

Frame Control: Another pearl of wisdom from David DeAngelo

You know you’re doing something right when women say “you’re mean” and slug you in the shoulder. They don’t really mean “mean” however, but intractable. It’s about controlling the frame of the encounter. Attractive women are used to wrapping men around their little finger and having their way with them. They are accustomed to being in control, because most guys will roll over and give in to her whims. When they test you and act petulant when you don’t kowtow to their every command, they are trying to test your mettle. Are you really independent and in control of your own frame, or are you putting on an act. She wants to know what you are made of. Demonstrating that you are not to be commanded, despite their protestations, is what creates attraction in her.The below is an excerpt from one of David DeAngelo’s newsletters: ***COMMENT*** Dave, Got the book. Got the DVDs. No longer a wuss. Nuff said. Just sharing a quick story. The point is subtle, but it’s made a difference for me more than once: (over instant messenger) Me: ok, so how am I being mean again? Her: um, let me think… Her: i dont know Her: maybe mean isnt the word i am looking for Her: i think it’s more that you do not adore me as much as others and that annoys me Translation: Obviously I don’t really annoy her…or she wouldn’t be turning down other men for me (she’s an 8.5 looks). I just bust on her whenever she attempts to make me her Drooling Subservient Wuss Slave. (Be a man, get a woman.) I do find it rather ironic that women spend so much time trying to turn us into wusses they then don’t find attractive. It’s not like us men go around trying to make supermodels eat ice cream and wear moo-moo dresses… M Chicago >>>MY COMMENTS: Man oh man… you’ve opened up a can of worms here.

I’ll try to keep this short, but I can already tell that I’m going to be rambling. Get a drink for this one. We need to talk. You have brought up a really important (and subtle) point about how women behave around men. When you stop chasing after and kissing up to women, you will OFTEN hear things like “you’re being mean” and “I’m upset, and I don’t know why”, etc. And when you challenge women on this point, you’ll find the REAL reason: Women get upset when they don’t have CONTROL of a situation. This is a paradox, as well… because women are usually feeling ATTRACTED to you at the same time they’re saying these things. A woman will test and challenge a man over and over, virtually on a continual basis… just to see if he’s going to “crack” and reveal his Inner Wuss. This has been going on since the first human-like woman looked at the first human-like man and hinted that if he was interested in making babies that he’d better bring home some meat for her… Women aren’t TRYING to turn us into Wusses… on the contrary; they’re trying to see if we actually ARE wusses, and just PRETENDING not to be. Get it? When you realize this SUBTLE distinction, you are well on your way to learning to use The Force. By the way, what’s wrong with a super model in a moo-moo eating ice cream? Just think of it… No more shopping at Bloomies for Chanel Hydrabase Lipstick in “Beige Mythique” for $22.00… No more “Venti Skinny Two-Pumps-Of-Sugar-FreeVanilla Half-Decaf” lattes…

No more “I want a BABY GREEN salad, no dressing, no croutons, no nothing… and a chocolate mousse”… “Moo moos and ice cream” is the way, man. A good example from my own past is when a woman who I was dating, knowing my generally negative outlook on marriage, asked whether I would ever get married. She was obviously fishing for evidence that I would become pliant to her wishes and gauging my reaction. Most of the fella’s regardless of their real opinion, would give some sort of cop-out response, mumbling “Well see how it goes” or abandoning their manhood entirely and vowing their undying affection and heartfelt desire to stride wantonly down the aisle, despite their reservations. I took a different tack. My response was this: “I think marriage as an institution is dead, but stand by me and you will always have the vaunted position of first lady in my harem”. Did she throw me out? Scream, cry or throw any other such tantrums? Nope, she punched me playfully in the shoulder and said “You’re awful” and then proceeded to put out that night and see me for several years thereafter. Now most guys with minimal understanding of what creates attraction wouldn’t think of saying something like this to a woman whom they were attracted to, and would be cautious in all things so as not to screw up a good thing. These guys have it all backwards; it is precisely your irreverence, independence and unshakable frame that creates her attraction in the first place. Had I hemmed and hawed and gone back on my position that marriage is a raw deal for guys, not only would I be inconsistent with my own beliefs, thereby sabotaging my frame, but it would be painfully obvious to her that one of the two thing’s I’d said was patently untrue. Lack of consistency belies your hidden doubt. One must be unabashedly raw and straightforward if one is to maintain control of the frame. If you do this, you take it beyond the level of a manipulative game, to the realm of unshakable reality. Your reality, or your frame, must be sincere to be powerful. While brutal honesty in relationships may be called mean by some, because it lacks the veneer of social niceties, it engenders potent respect from those you encounter precisely because it is so rare. While you may rein it in a little in the workplace or other social occasions to foster harmony and keep your job, you owe it to yourself, and the women you date, to drop this charade in your private life. You will get better results and your women will be moist with lust for you when they detect the steel of your resolve. Here’s what I would like to hear from you. Do you have an experience like this to share? What successes have you with frame control and how did you do it. For those of you recovering wussies who haven’t tried challenging women go out on the town or to your wife and try this and report back here with the result. I look forward to hearing your field reports. Jeffy on ‘ How to Improve on Frame Control, Kino, and Facial Expressi

What caught my attention about the article was the mention of facial expressions. This is CRUCIAL and most people don’t pay attention to it. I know that I have a habit of displaying boredom without realizing it. Many people have told me this. I’ve watched myself on video and noticed it, and have since tried to rectify it. Improving Frame Control by Jeffy All right, man, I’m gonna go through each of these one by one, okay? First, how to improve on frame control. Frame control is one of the hardest things to learn, so don’t beat yourself up too much for not having it down cold yet! Remember, when we talk about your “frame”, what we mean is the way you perceive things happening externally. Depending on your frame, different things can take on different meanings. For example, say someone makes an attempt to insult you. If your frame is strong, you might interpret it as a joke, and react accordingly. What’s funny is that because you interpreted it as a joke, it BECOMES one, not only to you, but to everyone who heard it. Perception is reality, and the strongest frame always wins. That said, what’s the best way to develop frame control? That’s the thing: it has to be DEVELOPED. You have to make a conscious effort to keep a strong frame whenever you go out until it becomes a habit. That means making a conscious effort to recognize when conversational threads are not working to your benefit, and CUTTING THOSE THREADS OFF. That means making a conscious effort to misinterpret everything that is said to you as being complimentary, or funny. As you force yourself to take on these behaviors, over time you’ll become congruent with them, until they become a natural part of your personality. You also mentioned “kino”, which is slang for “kinesthetics”, aka touching. When seducing a woman, it’s very important to establish physical contact early on in the interaction so that she doesn’t freak when you escalate things later on. Once that contact’s been established, it’s equally important to keep moving things forward slowly but surely. You should always be upping the ante, in small increments, while you’re spitting your game.

Frame control

What is frame control? To understand Frame control, we must first have an understanding of frames. A frame is the surrounding meaning of any interaction. It is as David Deangelo likes to say your reality. In an interaction between two people, whoever has the stronger frame/reality wins. The weaker frame/reality is absorbed into the larger overall meaning set in the more powerful frame. It is extremely important to set the frame in the interaction. During some sarges your frame will be pulled at from all angles. The target, her friends and AMOGs can all attempt to put you into their frames. Take for example the classic shit test "are you a player". This is an attempt to slot you into their frame. If you say no you are defending yourself and look insecure, if you say yes you are trying to look cool. So what can you do? 1. You can ignore the comment entirely and plow forward with your specific personality conveying material. Ex:" are you a player" PUA: Oh man you know what I saw today? (start routine) This is IMO the best way to hold your frame, but the girl can just repeat the question until you say something if she really wants to be a pain. 2. You can reframe the quesion by agreeing and then taking the accusation to absurdity. Ex: " are you a player" PUA: What is it about players you like so much? I actually am a card carrying member of the ancient order of makeout whores. My father was a makeout whore and his before that. It's a great honor. Anyway (stack to next routine) This is good as you can quickly make the test looks stupid by agreeing and then taking her frame even farther until it is stupidly funny. 3. Reframe by shit testing her. EX: " Are you a player" PUA: Are you just a typical San Diego party girl? This shit test like the question are you a player is a double bind. Meaning that either way she answers I am putting her in my frame. If she says yes I dismiss her saying that i know what those are like and they are trouble. if she says no i tell her that's good becuz i am sick of those girls but she's probably not adventurous enough. Double binds are awesome and we should at some point establish a master list of them. 4. Reframe by misinterpreting and then disqualifying Ex: " are you a player?" PUA: Oh my god you are attracted to me! It's too bad your not really my type. This is really good too as you are doing two things defining her as attracted to you and then immediately disqualifying her . This sets the frame that she wants you but cannot have you. 5. Reframe the underlying meaning to her chasing you Ex" are you a player" PUA: You know your not gonna talk your way into my pants like that, If you want me your gonna have to do some serious courting. This similiarly to the last one sets the her chasing you frame but this more off the

wall. This is like one part ignorance and one part reframing so that she is chasing. however it is a C&P line so it should not be used past A2. This works even if she disagrees because it is funny enough that she will laugh and by laughing she is subconsciously accepting our frame. 6. Going completely illogical. This is a part of ignoring except you go off the wall. Ex " are you a player" PUA: " my friend eats lemons" ( stack to next routine) credit Jlaix One part ignorance , one part humor with some illogic chick sense jumbling non sense thrown in. This lets her know that you will not take her hoops. Especially if every time she puts a hoop up you say the same illogical thing, it becomes call back humor while reinforcing your frame.