how to talk to women so they find you totally irresistible By Christopher Williamson
Flirting Formula flirting secrets every guy must know
Copyright © Christopher Williamson 2005. All Rights Reserved. Except as expressly permitted with written approval by Leocolour Pty Ltd, no part of this electronic book may be copied, photocopied, reproduced, republished, licensed, distributed, displayed, posted, translated, altered, redistributed or broadcast in any way. Nor can it be exploited, used to create derivative works, or reduced to any electronic medium or in any other manner not herein stated, in whole or in part, without the prior written approval of Leocolour Pty Ltd or its third-party providers. Any information distributed for commercial purposes is strictly prohibited without the prior written approval of Leocolour Pty Ltd. All of the information in this electronic book is for entertainment and or educational purposes only.
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Preface ”The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ’What does a woman want?’” – Sigmund Freud Why does dating seem so confusing and illogical? No matter how much we think about the dynamics between men and women, nothing seems to make sense. Men have always asked themselves questions such as: What defining characteristic makes women love some men and never notice others? Why do women say one thing but mean another? Why is it so hard to start conversations with women? Do similarities or opposites attract? What really attracts women? Maybe famous psychiatrist Sigmund Freud couldn’t answer the question, “What does a woman want?” but you can be certain by the end of this book you’ll have the answer. As we embark on this journey to understand the differences between men and women take notes and refer to them often. They’ll help you grasp the concepts and jump-start your success. All the best,
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Contents Chapter 1: How To Meet Women.......... 7 Fear.......................................................................................................... 7 Approach Excuses ................................................................................. 7 Why Men Approach Women ............................................................... 9 ‘Real Man’ Test: Will He Talk To Me? ................................................. 9 Women’s Ultimate Fantasy..................................................................10 Powerful Beliefs ....................................................................................11 Power Approach Technique ................................................................11 Bad Opening Lines In Clubs................................................................13 Where to Meet Women ........................................................................14 Hesitation ..............................................................................................15 Approach Anxiety Action Plan ...........................................................15 Step 1...................................................................................................16 Step 2...................................................................................................17 Step 3...................................................................................................17 Continuing Steps ..................................................................................18 The Bar Bet ............................................................................................18 Persistence .............................................................................................19 Gradual Improvement .........................................................................19 Start Conversations with Everyone ....................................................20 Indirect Approaches .............................................................................21 Classrooms .........................................................................................22 Parties .................................................................................................22 Clubs and Bars ...................................................................................23
Chapter 2: How To Talk To Women ... 24 Section 1: Flirting Introduction............................................................25 What Is Flirting? ................................................................................25 Why Is Flirting Important?...............................................................26 Interpretation .....................................................................................27 Flirting Instincts.................................................................................28 Anti-Flirting .......................................................................................28 Flirting vs. Rapport ...........................................................................29 Section 2: Flirting Components ...........................................................31 Verbal Flirting....................................................................................31 Non-Verbal Flirting...........................................................................34 Section 3: The “Playful Conflict” Flirting Formula ...........................38 Playfully Provoke ..............................................................................38 © Christopher Williamson 2005
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Playfully Disagree .............................................................................38 Playfully Accuse ................................................................................38 Playfully Compete.............................................................................38 Section 4: Flirting Qualities..................................................................39 The 3 Qualities ...................................................................................39 Confident Flirting..............................................................................40 Playful Flirting...................................................................................44 Sexual Flirting....................................................................................46 Without The 3 Qualities....................................................................51
Chapter 3: First Conversations With Women..................................................... 52 People Want What They Can't Have ..................................................52 Sucking Up vs. Playing Hard-To-Get .................................................53 Section 1: Phrases, Games and Pickup Lines .....................................54 Cute Line ............................................................................................54 “Who Would You Do?” Game .........................................................54 Pickup Lines Game ...........................................................................55 “We Should Start Our Own…!” Role Play Game ..........................56 Conclusion .........................................................................................57 Section 2: Body Language ....................................................................58 Posture................................................................................................59 Eye Contact ........................................................................................60 Head Positioning ...............................................................................61 Nervous Body Language ..................................................................62 Flirtatious Body Language ...............................................................63 First Impressions Last ..........................................................................64
Chapter 4: Phone Dynamics ................. 65 How To Get Phone Numbers ..............................................................65 Initial Resistance ...................................................................................65 Power Question: “Am I prepared with something to say?” ............67 How To Call Women............................................................................67 Text Messaging Women.......................................................................68 Text Message Battles ............................................................................72 How To Act On The Phone..................................................................73 Word-for-Word Phone Conversation .................................................73 Genuineness ..........................................................................................75 Examples: The Flirting Formula During Dates..................................75 Shopping ............................................................................................76 Coffee..................................................................................................76
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Mini Golf ............................................................................................77 Movies ................................................................................................78 What To Talk About On Dates............................................................79 Good Topics .......................................................................................79 Deadly Topics ....................................................................................79
Chapter 6: Dating Guidelines............... 80 1. Answer demographic questions with sarcasm..............................80 2. Kiss her by the end of the date ........................................................81 3. See her once a week for two months...............................................82 4. Cultivate the ability to not care........................................................82 5. Be a gentleman ..................................................................................83 6. Look sharp.........................................................................................84 7. Reward women for good behavior...................................................85 8. Compliment women on their personalities ...................................85
Chapter 7: Intimacy With Women....... 88 Preparation ............................................................................................88 Flirtatious Mood ...................................................................................89 Suggestive Mood ..................................................................................90 Section 1: Sexy Body Language ...........................................................90 Smile With Your Eyes .......................................................................90 Slow, Deep and Deliberate Speech ..................................................91 Personal Space ...................................................................................91 Section 2: Sexy Talk ..............................................................................91 Oranges Dialogue..............................................................................92 Magic Pen Dialogue ..........................................................................92 How To Turn Women On....................................................................93
Chapter 8: Flirting Action Plan ............ 95 Model The Masters ...............................................................................95 Big Personalities....................................................................................96 Learning Process...................................................................................97
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Chapter 1: How To Meet Women Fear No it’s not heights, spiders or even the dark. Men’s ultimate fear is starting conversations with women. For most men, approaching women is close to the scariest thing they’ll ever do in their entire life. I’m not kidding! Most men don’t start out afraid of approaching women. There’s always a story behind it. One day a man decides to approach a woman but instead of getting the outcome he expected he is embarrassed, humiliated or laughed at. He concludes that all women dislike him. It only takes one harsh rejection to cause a man to never approach another woman for the rest of his life. Living this life of unhappiness, he sometimes “gets lucky” with the occasional girlfriend, but she’s usually not someone he truly deserves. Unfortunately he doesn’t believe he can do any better and never bothers trying ever again. Well, I’ve got news for these men. Even naturals and super-stud Casanovas get rejected. Everyone gets rejected; it’s part of life. The solution is not to avoid rejection but to understand that it’s normal and to deal with it. Unfortunately, the only way to get rid of this intense emotional state called fear is to face it. I know you didn’t want to hear that, but this is the only real way to end your fears forever. The solution to this problem will be explained later. First we must understand what really stops us from making a move.
Approach Excuses Let me tell you a story. Away for the summer at his beach house, John noticed a woman he wanted to meet. John walked down towards the waves as she played around near the water’s edge, laughing and giggling with her friends. Witnessing the potential interaction, I saw that the group of women knew exactly what was going on. By just lingering around near the water for a long time, looking stupid in the process, John managed to make the girls feel uncomfortable, dampening his
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chances should he eventually speak. But he never actually went over and talked to the group of women. When he came back I asked him, “What happened?” He replied, “I looked at her, now she needs to do the rest!” Sadly John didn’t understand what the role of a masculine man was. He was so fragile he couldn’t even admit he didn’t have the guts to approach them. Do you think these women would start a conversation first? No. Part of being a masculine male involves being the leader, decision-maker and initiator of all interactions. If you don’t go over and talk to a woman it’s very unlikely she will come over and start a conversation with you. What causes this fear is an imaginary voice in one’s head. Excuses come from doubt, from not knowing the outcome of a situation, from lack of confidence. With this state of mind men invent outrageous excuses to keep themselves from meeting new women and simultaneously protect their fragile ego. Excuses allow the ego to feel safe and unbroken, reinforcing the view that nothing could have been done in the particular situation anyway. The brain becomes so creative that it makes up an excuse for every single situation where it’s possible to meet women, so men never take action. If you make excuses, you are only cheating yourself. Here are the common excuses: • • • • • • • • •
No, she’s probably got a boyfriend. No, if she has a boyfriend he might beat me up. No, she looks busy; I won’t disturb her. No, she’s with her friends. No, she’s on the dance floor; it’s too loud to talk there. No, she looks bitchy and mean. No, she’s sitting at a table. No, she’s walking past me. No, she’s way out of my league.
These excuses are rubbish! Women in relationships are often flattered to have men approach them and a simple “Thanks anyway” ends the conversation. Ninety-nine point 999 per cent of the time men won’t do anything, even if they’re right next to their girlfriend when you talk to her. And finally, women want to be swept off their feet as if “by magic”, so there is no excuse not to interrupt her daily routine. Men also raise and lower their standards within seconds, claiming that women are too attractive or not attractive enough. This excuse simply becomes an © Christopher Williamson 2005
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endless loop that ultimately gets men nowhere. “If you continue to do the same things, you’ll always get the same results.” If you continue to make these excuses to yourself, don’t expect your dating situation to ever change. The ability to change your thinking and beliefs also changes your results in the dating world. So what happens when men don’t feed their minds any excuses to meet women? They freeze. “Oh, I want to meet this woman. Umm, what do I say? I need something creative to say. What can I say, what can I say?” While the man thinks of something to say the woman gets up and leaves, and the man misses his opportunity.
Why Men Must Approach Women Let me ask you this: Would you decide to date a woman that you’d only spoken to over the phone but didn’t know what she looked like? You’d be very interested in her physical appearance before you’d consider showing interest in her personality or interests. Just as men need to see evidence that a woman is appealing (physically attractive), women also want to see proof that men possess masculine qualities like confidence, and the ability to lead situations. So before you can date any woman you need to go through a series of tests that prove your masculinity.
‘Real Man’ Test: Will He Talk To Me? As we’ve mentioned, there are only three vital steps to attracting the quality of woman you deserve. These are the flirting actions: comfort, interest and desire. These are action steps men must take to prove themselves. In the eyes of women, if men cannot perform these three steps they are not attractive. In order to see if men possess the qualities they seek women set up favourable situations to test men’s masculinity, whether they’re consciously aware of it or not. One test a woman uses to filter out weak men is to see if her beauty intimidates them. Do you think men are considered masculine if they are scared in the presence of a beautiful woman? Heck, if a man’s scared of a woman how’s he ever going to protect her? Your duty as a man is to approach the woman and make the first contact with her.
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If you’re not willing to walk up to a woman and open your mouth because you’re too scared, then she already knows you’re not the man she’s looking for. Period. This may seem cruel but it’s the harsh reality of attracting women you’ve never met before. Don’t wait for a go signal like eye contact or someone to introduce you. Just take action. Do you feel even more intimidated by the thought of approaching an extremely attractive woman? The more beautiful the woman, the harder it is for a man to start a conversation with her. This is just one of the ways women filter out men that don’t fit their image of the ideal man. Exceptionally beautiful women wear the most stylish clothes, coolest sunglasses and sexiest tans, and often don’t smile when walking through the world. Why? Their image screams, “stay away”, and less confident men are often so intimidated by this aura that they decide to do nothing. This sneaky strategy can be employed by a woman to filter out the less confident men from ever approaching her, ultimately saving her lots of time. She only wants to date the most masculine and fearless partners possible. The same rules apply in isolated settings. If they’ve been talking in front of a roasting fire with romantic lighting and seductive music, the man must still make the first move or nothing will happen. Even if women are ready and willing they almost never take the first step. It’s all part of testing men. If men can’t initiate and escalate the situation, women won’t be interested. Waiting for the man to lead allows the woman to assess the sort of man she’s dealing with and gives him the opportunity to attract her. Women are drawn to men’s leadership qualities. Their instinctive habits are to passively observe males with strong masculine behaviour. They’ll watch men as they approach and compete, rather than walk around and start these interactions themselves. For these reasons men must approach women.
Women’s Ultimate Fantasy Another way to make sense of this is to imagine women’s ideal scenario. A woman’s dream is to meet a masculine and charming man in an ordinary, everyday place. Having the entire situation “just happen” is perfect. These ideas come from the fairy tales we’ve been taught since an early age.
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The stories always go something like this: a knight in shining armour, risking his life, rides to the castle, defeats the dangerous creature and saves the princess from her misery. Men may find these tales childish and stupid, but to women these stories take on greater meaning. They love these sagas of romantic heroes facing danger, risking their lives and leading women away to live happily ever after. The story of Prince Charming is the model for women’s ideal man. Women want to be “swept off their feet”. Women want to be approached.
Powerful Beliefs The successful man holds only powerful positive beliefs that allow him to approach beautiful women everywhere without even hesitating. After having enough positive experiences to reinforce their beliefs men lock powerful beliefs into their minds. These powerful beliefs are the only things that separate success from failure. Positive Beliefs: • • • • •
Women love sex. Women love me. I have nothing to lose. It’s her loss. I’m just going to talk – let’s see what else she has going for her. If she’s not interested that’s OK, there’s plenty more women.
Some of these beliefs may seem arrogant but that’s because success often breeds arrogance. Once men experience success the power often goes to their heads. But after a time men go from shy, to arrogant and finally, humble. Whether a man stays arrogant or becomes humble, no man can just believe “women love me” without some sort of experience reinforcing their belief. So to start transforming these beliefs we will now explore the powerful technique used to approach women confidently and without fear of rejection.
Power Approach Technique Have you ever felt nervous asking someone for directions? What’s about the time? Chances are you approached these people confidently and without a blink of hesitation because you sincerely wanted to know the information you were seeking.
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No sweating palms, thumping heart or nervous screeching voice. The reason most men get terrified when they conceive the thought of approaching a beautiful woman is because they associate getting results with the interaction. They burden themselves with so much pressure by believing they have to make her laugh, get her number or get a kiss or else they are a loser! Putting the pressure on yourself by saying that “you must get this girl” would make anyone extremely nervous. If you simply change your mindset when thinking about women you take the pressure off and allow yourself to start conversations with them easily. A great way to start approaching women is to find one thing that you sincerely want to know and use it to initiate conversations. Here are 11 examples of sincere questions you can ask women. Club Hey guys, what time is this place closing? Hey, do you guys know who the DJ is? Hey, do you know what this song is called? Hey guys, have you tried vodka and cranberry juice? Is it nice? Shopping Mall Hey, where’s the closest coffee shop around here? Hey, where’s the best shop with sexy clothes for guys? Super Market Hey, what tastes better oranges or mandarins? Hey, is it just me or is it cold in here? Anywhere Hey, I just bought these jeans and was wondering if I made the right decision. What do you think? Hey, I was thinking of getting this tattoo drawn on my upper back, (show picture of tattoo) what do you think? Hey, what’s the time? (careful it's hard to come across natural with this one) Information or opinions as mentioned above work quite well if they’re things you sincerely want to find out from people. A sincere question helps you come across cool and calm because you’re tricking your own mind to forget about the outcome and just flirt with women. Ask her anything, but the idea is to disassociate you from trying to “get results”. You’re not trying to get her number, kiss her or impress her. Your only goal is to learn from the experience. This mindset takes the pressure off getting results. When your goal is to learn from the experience you can’t fail because no matter what happens you’ll always learn something. Opening your mouth and saying something is better than © Christopher Williamson 2005
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saying nothing at all. Here’s the difference between a negative and positive mindset in these situations. Mindset Less effective:
I must get this girl’s number. I hope I don’t stuff it up.
More effective:
I wonder what she thinks of my shirt. Maybe this girl knows where the shop is.
This technique is very powerful in helping men get over their initial fear of approaching women for the first time. Some might argue that using a sincere question is manipulation because you’re trying to get something from the woman indirectly. Yes, you are trying to get the experience of approaching women you’ve never spoken to. If you have a question or opinion you sincerely want answered, there should be no problem approaching a woman, because you’re not putting pressure on yourself to get results. Use this concept as a set of training wheels to get you started approaching women today.
Bad Opening Lines In Clubs When most men talk to women they fall into the trap of asking the same boring non-flirtatious questions every other guy has already asked her. It’s funny how we laugh at these questions with our friends and realize they have no positive impact, yet when our palms are sweaty and our minds are racing these are the stock standard questions we come up with in order to quickly break the awkward silence. Do you come here often? Almost every man has used this line when he is scared and has run out of things to say. Verbalising these words can quickly make you seem just like every other man out there. Can I buy you a drink? What’s she suppose to say? “No, please don’t buy me a drink”. Men approach women in bars and clubs using this pathetic icebreaker thinking they have a great technique. Not only is this line used all the time but also the implication behind the line makes you seem weak. HE JUST: went and bought me a drink.
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THAT MEANS: his self-esteem is so low that believes he needs to buy me a drink to keep my attention and he only likes me for my looks because he hasn’t even spoken to me yet. Oh well I’ll take the drink and maybe even thank him but I’ll head back over to my friends straight afterwards. Sadly some men believe this is the greatest flirting technique ever invented. Just don’t be surprised when she takes your drink, thanks you, and disappears.
Where to Meet Women The question isn’t where do you meet a lot of women; rather, what sort of woman are you looking for? Decide what sort of woman you’re looking for and start going to places where these women spend their time. Everyday Scenarios Just by picking the right time and day you’ll get a completely different group of people in the same place. First decide what you’re looking for. • • • •
Athletic women Fashionable women Outgoing women Intelligent women
Go to your local gym between 4 and 6 pm Check out malls on Saturdays at 1 pm Hit popular clubs until about 2 am Go searching at colleges and universities during the hot months of the semester when everyone’s outside.
Online Dating One great way to practice flirting and get a real feel for talking with women is to join some dating sites. With millions of people worldwide looking for the perfect match, why not? Many online dating sites have instant messaging (IM). This is different from email, where you send a message and get a reply one, two or three days later. IM allows you to talk to women that are online now. You look at a woman’s profile on the website, check if she is someone you want to talk to and then click the link to get started. You type messages and get a text reply only seconds later. It’s basically a simulated conversation where you type messages back and forth in the comfort of your home. Would there be any attractive women on these sites? You’d be surprised. The Internet isn’t just for techno-whiz people any more. Nowadays millions of people are trying out online dating services – yes, even beautiful women.
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Hesitation If you hesitate to approach women your mind will come up with more and more reasons why you should stay away. A good general rule is to not even think about it. Just start walking towards the woman and ask her a curious, sincere question. The longer you wait the harder it will be to get started. You must be 100 per cent certain you’re going to approach or else you won’t do it. Momentum is a powerful thing. If you can speak to a woman within the first five seconds of seeing her it’ll be only natural to keep talking to more and more women throughout your day, but if you hesitate then you’ll continue to hesitate and get nowhere. Momentum is a very powerful influence on the human mind. Make it work for you.
Approach Anxiety Action Plan “Action is the real measure of intelligence.” Napoleon Hill Basically your success depends on two stages: • •
Meeting women Dating women.
Even if you’re not dating women maybe you’re still meeting them. But if you’re not meeting new women on a regular basis there is no chance of dating them. So I want to address how to approach and meet women you’ve never talked to before. You’ll learn how to do it effectively and get dates. As we all know, it can be very scary to approach women. As humans we are wary of the unknown. When we are uncertain what’s going to happen in situations we get scared because we don’t know the outcome. Often the reason we feel anxious is because we want something from the situation and we’re afraid of failure. The mentality is, “I’ve got to get this number/date or else I’m a loser.” We put pressure on ourselves, trying to always be the best.
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I’m about to outline a very powerful way to overcome that fear, explode your confidence and successfully meet women. Here’s what I want you to do: Go down to your local major mall or shopping centre. I don’t want you to go to clubs or bars, for a specific reason. They’re too loud. Women will be socializing in large groups, which will intimidate most men, and even if you do approach a group the women won’t be able to hear what you say because of the music. If you’re going to a shopping mall between Monday and Friday you’ll find more women there between 3 and 5 pm. If you’re planning on going down Saturday or Sunday be there around 12 to 2 pm. What I’m going to give you now is an exact step-by-step guide to action. If you follow this guide you cannot fail.
Step 1 If you have a watch, hide it, then approach a male. Yes, you are going to approach a man! There is nothing sexual about this; it’s about proving a point. Simply approach a man and ask him the time. As human’s we have an amazing ability to learn from experience, and it’s much more effective than simply learning from reading. If you can learn from an experience and feel the emotion associated with that action you’ll learn a lot more (and faster) than just reading from books. What we are doing here is the “power approach” concept, which is asking people sincere questions. You must ask an individual something you genuinely want to know. Make sure you don’t know the time when you ask the question or you’ll look stupid. A sincere wish to know will come across cool and calm in your voice, body and words. The reason we’re asking a guy first is to show you how easy this task can be when you ask someone you’re not sexually interested in. There is no fear, anxiety or pressure on you. There is no fear of rejection, because you never wanted anything from this man in the first place (except to know the time)! Now wouldn’t it be great to harness this energy and attitude when speaking to a woman you are actually interested in?
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Step 2 Approach a woman you don’t find attractive and ask her, “Can you tell me which is the best coffee shop around here?” Yes an older woman or somebody that you wouldn’t particularly like to meet from first impressions. When you have her reply, just say, “OK, thanks, bye!” Easy! You won’t freeze. You won’t be lost for words. You won’t change your attitude. You won’t stutter. You won’t embarrass yourself. You’ll be confident. You’ll be calm. You’ll come across normal. Women are attracted to the confidence in men. Step 1 requires you to approach a man; step 2 asks you to approach a woman you have no sexual interest in. By approaching people you aren’t interested in you learn to approach without anxiety and without the fear of loss. This is exactly how you should act around women you do like. By performing the first two steps you’ve already stepped outside your comfort zone, talking to people you don’t know. Many people find it difficult to even do this. If you find it hard to complete these steps, stop for a minute and look at the significance they could have on the rest of your life. Think what a wonderful girlfriend or exceptional wife you could find by just taking the time to boost your confidence. Aren’t these easy steps worth that happiness?
Step 3 Approach a woman you do find attractive and ask her, “Hey, what are the best clothing stores for guys around here?” Listen to her reply, say “Thanks!” and walk away. You’re already in a shopping centre, so she’ll definitely have an opinion. It’d be nice to hear her opinion because women will always have different opinions from you on what are the best clothing shops. And you just want to sincerely know this, which makes it natural and cool.
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But if you don’t want to sincerely know where the best clothes for guys are, you’ll come across as fake and most likely get an awkward response. In this case, find a similar question to discover your own way of acting natural during conversations with women.
Continuing Steps If you do these steps you’ll have already done more than most men will ever do, but there’s one final step. Approach a woman you find attractive and ask her, “Do you know what time (your shopping centre name) closes today?” Listen to her reply, then say, “OK. Thanks. So what are you doing here today?” You’ve started a conversation with her! Continue talking to as many women as possible and take the interaction as far as possible. If you begin to struggle again, just repeat steps 1 and 2 until your confidence is re-energized. As you approach more and more women you’ll realize it’s quite easy, but until then you’re learning from the experience. Because these steps seem so simple and straightforward most men won’t do them. Very few people actually follow direct instructions because they’re lazy or don’t think they’re necessary. They think, “I know how to talk to other guys I don’t need to do that!” But they’re missing the point. It’s about learning from the emotions associated with the experience to build your confidence. If you can’t fearlessly approach women use these steps.
The Bar Bet Verbalizing your intentions to make them a commitment It can be very difficult to motivate yourself to approach women. And you need a kick-start. Take a mate or a few friends to a bar or club and place bets – yes, that means money! – on who will get the most numbers, kisses, dates or whatever. Whoever wins gets the stash at the end. Powerfully changing the intent of the situation will give you a new approach to the whole thing. How would you act if you knew you just needed to walk up to women to get their numbers in a casual, almost indifferent way, because your intention is to “not lose 50 bucks?” Powerful stuff.
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Persistence The quality of persistence is one of the most valuable characteristics a man can have. It’s the attitude of someone that doesn’t give up when things look like they’re not working out. He fights on and usually finds success, just around the corner, when the average man would give up. Had he stopped he would never have found success. Persistence will help you progress quickly when you start putting these techniques into action. Frequently, women act cold or laugh at men while they talk to women. This especially happens with very attractive women. Of course this is where most men give up, feeling uncomfortable with the situation and assuming the women dislike them. Well, I can verify from many past experiences that, if a man persists and continues to interact with a woman who has shown him no signs of interest, she eventually warms to him and starts liking him. Women often use such behaviour as a shield or a way of weeding out the weaker men. The stronger men know exactly what they want and are willing to hang in there. These women are testing for true masculinity by throwing them the hardest tests in the very beginning. By passing them, the men prove they are the real deal, true masculine men. Now this doesn’t mean you should stalk women even though they’ve made it perfectly clear they don’t want you around. Persistence when meeting new women means not even considering rejection and working towards finding someone that is of interest to you – rather than wishing somebody will like you. Can you see the difference there? Learn to persist and you’ll quickly push past the first signs of failure to find success.
Gradual Improvement Men often get upset if the first conversation they start with a woman doesn’t turn into a date. Listen very carefully. It’s very unlikely your first meeting with a woman will turn into a date. Understand things will go wrong at times; it’s part of the process. Ideas don’t always go according to plan. Instead of focusing on getting results, focus on getting experience. When you realise how powerful this principle is and utilise it correctly, success will come. Think about your situation this way: No matter how good you are with women, if you get five numbers a day, © Christopher Williamson 2005
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or no dates all year, today is the worst you will ever be. Tomorrow you’ll try something new, learn from that experience and grow. Maybe you’ll go for approaches in a local bar Maybe you’ll try a new sincere question. Maybe you’ll attempt a new angle. Whatever it is that you choose to develop, it will only make you stronger through experience.
Start Conversations with Everyone One thing you should learn to do in order to eliminate anxiety when meeting women is to approach everyone – not just beautiful women, not just women, but everybody. When you learn to socialise naturally it only becomes easier to start conversations with people everywhere. Some men can readily strike up a conversation with another guy, but they just can’t approach women. They often become very picky and talk their way out of meeting women – for example, by finding almost invisible faults in their appearance. They’ll avoid talking to any woman except someone that resembles their dream girl. Unfortunately, when they actually see someone that resembles their dream girl, they’re so out of practice they freeze up and are completely lost for words. This becomes a never-ending circle where they rarely ever meet new women. Don’t make this mistake. Just make a habit of talking to everyone you cross paths with on a day-to-day basis. Men often wonder how to stop an attractive woman on the street. A simple “Hello” as you walk past is enough to build your confidence – and if you’re ready, stop her to get her number. Over time it’ll become “only natural” to talk to beautiful women everywhere, allowing you to date the women you always thought were reserved for the rich and famous. Build your confidence, develop your masculine side, and success is inevitable. Most men spend their lives waiting for the right woman to fall right into their lap. While this idea sounds appealing, you’ll usually end up with a woman you’re not happy with or even worse, no woman at all. Women are looking for men who are willing to take risks and show their courage. While trying to gain a woman’s attention indirectly or from a
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distance isn’t recommended there are certain circumstances where a few powerful techniques help to gain recognition and celebrity-like status before you even introduce yourself.
Indirect Approaches Social proof is an interesting piece of psychology that affects every human. Everyday we are faced with hundreds of decisions to make: What jeans should I wear? What cereal should I eat? What shoes should I buy? Who’s advice should I listen to? To help us make these decisions we look to people we trust and see what they are doing and follow them. Because we have so many decisions to make, our lives become much easier if someone makes decisions for us. The reason leaders are so valued within our society is because they are rare and stand apart from the majority of people. Jay Abraham, a marketing legend that understood human psychology once said, “People are silently begging to be led." So if you can lead others and influence them, you can influence women you’re trying to date. Distant flirting is only useful to make women notice you in situations that aren’t favorable for direct one-on-one encounters. Here are several example scenarios you could use social proof to get a woman’s attention. It won’t always be necessary and won’t always produce the results you want but if you find yourself in a situation where there’s a lot of distractions distant flirting can work. The best three places for distant and indirect flirting are: Classrooms Parties Club and Bars
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Classrooms Scenario: You’re in a learning environment and the woman is on the other side of the room. You can make eye contact if she’s looking but there’s a much more powerful way to make yourself stand out from the crowd. Using your most confident and loud voice simply ask an interesting question, make a funny joke or voice your opinion on something to the teacher. By simply saying anything you’re standing out from the crowd and projecting confidence in front of a group. If the funny comment makes 25 people laugh that’s great social proof for the woman when you introduce yourself after class. HE JUST: made a joke and made the entire class laugh THAT MEANS: he’s funny, intelligent, social and everyone likes him. If everyone likes him then I think I like him too. If your contribution to the class wasn’t embarrassing or stupid you’ll have a much better response when you talk to the woman. This is one of the rare opportunities where women can actually see you as a celebrity and can trust you the minute you approach them.
Parties Scenario: The woman is at the party but is always crowded with other people. While you can’t make jokes that everyone at the party can hear you can still use social proof to your advantage at a house party. People tend to stay for extended periods of time during house parties so you have more opportunities to delay speaking to your woman of interest. If the woman is hard to get hold of, speak to all of her friends. Introductions build your social proof and allow you to intercept her conversations with the people you’ve spoken to previously. This way the friends you’ve spoken to happily introduce you and build social proof for you automatically. “Oh Sarah, this is John, he’s really cool.”
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HE JUST: got introduced by my best friend. THAT MEANS: my friend, who I love and trust, likes this guy. If she likes him then so do I. This technique isn’t necessary but it can give you an edge over the other guys who’re competing for the same girl. This way when the woman is talking to another man you tell her friend (someone she trusts) that he’s no good for her and make her friend pull the woman back to your circle. This flirting technique improves your chances of succeeding in very competitive situations.
Clubs and Bars One advantage at parties that you don’t have in clubs and bars is a feeling of common interest. At parties everyone knows the birthday girl or boy, or at least knows someone who knows the birthday person. In clubs you don’t have this rapport. Clubs and bars are more dangerous that house parties. Everyone is a stranger and there are hundreds of people in a very small venue. So how can you impact some distant flirting in clubs and bars? Flirting with her friends, while ignoring the woman you want. Why would you ignore the woman you want? It’s much easier to get the attention of a woman who’s not getting any. If the woman knows she’s the most attractive woman in the group she wonders why she’s not getting any attention. Remember, what is not earned is not valued. Again, when her friends like and accept you so does she. HE JUST: walked up to our group and gave everyone attention but ignored me. THAT MEANS: he thinks I’m not attractive. Is it my hair? My clothes? My body? What doesn’t he like about me? I’ll fight for his attention and find out for myself. You must remember social proof only works because other people like you. While women can easily decide to like you because their friends do it’s even easier for them to dislike you because their friends do. Only use social proof in sticky situations where direct flirting isn’t possible. If you can’t make anyone respond positively to you don’t try this technique until you have more social experience.
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Chapter 2: How To Talk To Women Before you can really understand what works to attract women you must first understand why it works. Flirting Basics concentrates on what flirting really is and how it works. The four sections are: Section 1: Flirting Introduction Here you’ll learn exactly what flirting is and why it’s necessary to attract the women you’ve always wanted. You’ll learn a lot about female psychology and how they determine their partners. Section 2: Flirting Components Section 2 focuses on the verbal and non-verbal tools needed to begin flirting. While sections of this chapter may seem like common knowledge and other sections might seem off topic, men need to realize the importance of these tips. Section 3: The “Playful Conflict” Flirting Formula This one page summary, gives you an overview of flirting and how to apply it to every single situation including the 4 formula components to make flirting work properly. Section 4: Flirting Qualities This section focuses on important types of flirting. It not only explains why these techniques work, the complex interpretations that make women feel attracted to this behavior, but it also contains dozens of step-by-step examples that you can start using right away. To get the most out of this section take notes. You’ll retain double the information and start to get results twice as fast by writing things down.
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Section 1: Flirting Introduction What Is Flirting? The concept of flirting is very difficult for men to understand. Interestingly all women know exactly what flirting is and know how to use it. Often times women initiate the act of flirting in the hope that men will notice and follow along. Yet when that woman realizes the man wasn’t flirting she gets disappointed and moves on. Often date opportunities are missed because men don’t “get the message” and never realize that woman are interested. Knowledgeable friends watch these interactions and say, “So did you get her number? She was really into you!” The man surprisingly replies, “But she didn’t say she was!” Women know flirting is uncontrollably magnetic because they RESPOND to it. Similarly, men know exactly what a beautiful woman looks like because they RESPOND to her uncontrollably. “Uncontrollably magnetic” is a strong phrase, isn’t it? Most men find it extremely hard to believe that flirting makes them look powerful and irresistible in the eyes of women. Whether men realize it or not, for women flirtatious communication is the equivalent of a woman’s beautiful looks for men. This problem starts when women expect men to understand their unconscious needs. Whether you’re a man or a woman, you can only understand what others want in relationship to your own experiences . For this reason most men don’t even see the significance of flirting. Why don’t women just tell men to flirt with them? If women are attracted to flirting the same way men are attracted to beautiful women why can’t they just give men a hint? If we swap the scenario, it’s like saying: “I’ll keep dating you but just loose 7 pounds, wear this sexy dress from now on and put on more make up.” Not a very effective strategy is it? Both men and women are looking for partners that already have these qualities. Men want women who look beautiful and women want masculine men who know how to flirt. To effectively meet, date and keep women, men must learn how to flirt. Flirting To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures. Provided by Dictionary.com © Christopher Williamson 2005
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In short, flirting is vaguely and playfully suggesting sexual interest in somebody. Think about how you nurtured friendships with the people in your life. I doubt you and your best friend grew an incredibly strong bond by simply sharing experiences, fears, memories, secrets and other personal information with one another. Although personal experiences build relationships you can’t expect to build trust and togetherness on that level with someone you’ve just met. When we meet people for the first time our interactions should be light-hearted, fun and playful. Once our impressions are made and we enjoy the company of another person we begin to open up to them and nurture that relationship. But when trying to attract women, leaving a stunning first impression is the hardest part of the whole experience. Both men and women have been socially conditioned to act very reserved around strangers and acquaintances. The problem is if you act like a stranger around new women, that is all you’ll continue to be-- a stranger. So how do you talk to beautiful women and make them want you more than anything in the world? What is the driving force responsible for leaving an unforgettable first impression on women and the true essence of flirting? Emotion. Let me ask you a question. Why do you think women are addicted to romantic novels and soap operas while these forms of media repel most men? They are full of emotion. Women are unconsciously drawn to these media forms the same way men turn their heads and watch a beautiful woman enter the room. Women are attracted to an emotional connection; men are attracted to physical beauty. Novels and soap operas wouldn’t be read or broadcasted if they didn’t contain conflict, drama, tension and emotion. So if women are actually addicted to strong emotion doesn’t it seem logical to use this form of communication to attract women?
Why Is Flirting Important? Why don’t women just tell men they like them? Women who give men a hard time, playfully hit them or poke their tongue out at them are actually communicating their interest in these men. Flirting is important for one simple reason. It is the language of attracting women. Men and women are biologically different which means they think and act differently too.
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If they think differently, then they talk and communicate completely differently as well. In order to get women to feel sexually attracted to you, you need to speak differently-- you need to flirt. If you are not having success with women then obviously it’s time to try something different. In order to be phenomenal with women you need to make sure you learn to speak their language. The goal of flirting is to attract women and make them realize you have all the qualities they’re looking for.
Interpretation Let’s say you’ve been talking to a woman for several minutes and you pinch her hat straight off her head and she tries to snatch it back from you as you constantly hide it behind your back, smiling and laughing. Does this seem like an absurd thing to do? You’re saying, “Won’t that screw up my chances of dating her?” In fact, by doing this you’ll most likely increase your chances of dating the woman. Why do you think this simple act would be so powerful in attracting women? It’s not what you say or do, but the meanings behind a statement or action that make women find you irresistible. No matter what you do, whether it’s show up late, laugh at her, buy her gifts, compliment her, grab her hand, smile at her or turn away, women are interpreting what these things mean. HE JUST: playfully took my hat off my head and made me chase him to get it back. THAT MEANS: He is very confident, funny, secure, in control, hard to get, playful and really fun! He’s not just interested only in my looks because he’s not sucking up to me like all the other guys. He’s actually kind of mysterious and I’m not really sure if he likes me or not. I like this guy. That’s a lot of great qualities for doing something as simple as harmlessly playing with her hat, isn’t it? All the flirting techniques throughout this book are designed to project powerful qualities to which women are attracted. Women love confidence so act in a way that shows you’re confident. Even simple acts without words, such as stealing her hat, project many powerful characteristics about you.
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Flirting Instincts To understand flirting better think of it in terms of a courting ritual. Just like other animals look for the biggest tusks, most colorful wings or physical strength, a woman looks for a man with enough confidence to protect her. Instead of colors or tusks think of humans as using their voices as a complex courting process designed to attract the opposite sex. Unfortunately men often experience rejection or use flirting at inappropriate times, which leads to associating flirting with pain and failure. From then on they never try to play or flirt with women because they believe it ‘doesn’t work.’ Just like exercising a muscle, once they stop being flirty and fun because the pain of rejection is so strong they slowly lose those skills.
Anti-Flirting The biggest mistake men make when interacting with beautiful women is speaking emotionless conversation. While starting conversations with women seems hard enough it appears even more daunting to keep a great fun conversation going. When men hang around with their friends they laugh, make jokes, have fun and don’t take things too seriously, but strangely when a man suddenly finds himself interested in a beautiful woman he usually becomes very reserved. He stops laughing He stops making jokes He stops teasing He stops having fun He stops being flirtatious. When in the presence of a potential date, instead of keeping up the friendly vibe he has with his friends he suddenly becomes boring. He won’t make jokes or laugh with the woman; he won’t play around like he does with his friends and he takes things way too seriously. Why? Why do men change their actions around women usually without even realizing it? Men are afraid to lose their only chance with a particular woman and that ultimately turns them into Mr. Serious Man. Men get so nervous talking to beautiful women that they lose all creativity and can’t make interesting conversation. Fearful that they might say something rude or challenging they resort to boring “walking on egg shells” conversations, which results in no © Christopher Williamson 2005
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emotion. While men can tell you that it’s important to not be boring when interacting with women, they don’t even realize they’re doing it. Remember this simple law. 1 2 3 4 5
When you fear loosing a woman you become cautious. When you’re cautious you become serious. When you’re serious you become boring. When you’re boring women aren’t attracted. When women aren’t attracted you don’t get a date.
Men have such a strong “I must have this girl” attitude that the more they desire a woman, the more serious and boring they become in their poor attempt to date them. Although films and television strongly encourage the idea of begging women, it doesn’t work. These values are used to evoke emotion for the movie experience and in some cases suggest that buying into this behavior leads to success. It always seems like Mr. Romantic is doing the right thing by standing outside a balcony window every night singing love songs, reading poetry and bringing flowers until his dream girl finally falls in love with him. While these actions may seem romantic and work in movies, we don’t live in the movies; we live in the real world. Women can smell manipulative men miles away and don’t respect their child-like behavior. Remember always acting playful and silly around your brothers and sisters when you were growing up? Whether you were older or younger usually determined who was in control of the playing. If you were older, you’ll probably recall calling your siblings harmless names, hiding their toys and making them beg for them back. But unfortunately as men grow into adults they forget their playful instincts and try to “make logical sense of everything.” Before reading this book you may have heard of the term “flirting” but never really understood what it was or thought it wasn’t necessary to attract women. As you learn the flirting techniques within this book you’ll recall other times during your life when you behaved like this. Remember them and bring them back.
Flirting vs. Rapport
Rapport: Relationship, especially one of mutual trust or emotional affinity provided by Dictionary.com
As we can see from the dictionary definition above “rapport” is a relationship involving trust and the ability to like somebody. The fastest way to build relationships with people is to share personal information about yourself with another human being. When you talk to a woman and talk
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about things you have in common or experiences, you are building rapport. The longer you talk to someone and discuss a wide variety of topics the more rapport you build. Rapport is how you constantly nurture and grow your relationships with friends, family and anyone with which you come in contact. The most common mistake is starting with rapport and trying to build a sexual attraction later on. Here’s the simplest way to remember how to interact in any given situation. 1. Flirt till she’s attracted to you. 2. Then maintain the flirting and begin to reveal personal information about yourself. It’s the information about yourself that helps build relationships – your name, job, dreams, hobbies, interests and memories-- but it’s the emotions you evoke through your personality that sparks attraction-- your confidence, security, sense of humor, leadership, mystery and playfulness. Never try and build rapport without first being flirtatious, fun and playful. Without showing proof that you’re desirable she has no reason to be interested in you. Nothing has set off the attraction. Talking about hobbies, life ambition, careers and education can be fascinating conversation and can work if you’re flirtatious but most men who start on the boring demographic questions find it difficult to transition into a flirtatious mood later. Most men have the urge to get into these questions first and then try to be playful and flirtatious, attempting to make her sexually aroused after they have already become friends. This rarely works. Instead, you’re about to learn how to become irresistible with flirtatious communication.
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Section 2: Flirting Components The term flirting may still seem very confusing. As we break down the different forms of flirting you’ll realize that it is much more than just the words you say. 55% of flirting is body language, 38% on is your voice characteristics and only 7% is what you actually say.
Verbal Flirting Voice Tone Voice Volume Voice Speed Voice Smoothness Spoken Words
Finding the right words to say to women continues to be the hardest thing for men to overcome. Comedians often say, “It’s not what you say, but how you say it” and they are completely right. A single word response such as “What?” can be interpreted dozens of ways depending on the characteristics of the voice. It could be angry, surprised, uninterested or curious. Say, “what” in using each of these emotions and note the difference in your voice. If you want to successfully flirt with women stop thinking about the right words and start to deliver your words in a confident and irresistible manner. Below are the verbal flirting characteristics that are responsible for attracting women. Voice Tone Women often say that deep voices are extremely sexy. Deep voices are sexy because they represent a cool, fearless, in control personality. A deep masculine voice is universally more attractive to women and helps distinguish your voice from all others. This sort of voice becomes very important in isolated and private settings when you’re together with women. How to deepen your voice: 1 2 3 4 5 6
Place your hand on your chest Say a few words and note the feeling on your hand Stop talking and begin to hum Lower the tone to increase the bass in your voice. Note the feeling on your hand Continue to hum and turn the sound into words
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7
Admire your new, confident, attractive voice
You don’t need to have an extremely deep voice but it should be deep enough to communicate that you’re comfortable in the presence of women. If you notice when you talk to women your voice becomes squeaky from nervousness use this technique to compose your voice. Voice Volume Sometimes for fun I ask women what they like about men. While consciously women want their men to be, “nice, caring, romantic, etc”, unconsciously they want men who are masculine. When I ask what they like, these women respond with things like: “I like a man who holds himself well” “I like a man who knows what he wants” “I like a man who’s sure of himself” “I like a man who’s not intimidated by me” “I like a man who’s not nervous” While from first glance these qualities may all seem different they are in fact all the same. Unconsciously women want confident men. Part of a confident voice is the volume you project. Confident men flirt with loud, strong and clear voices. Unconfident men speak with soft, weak and muffled voices that project fear and low self-esteem. If you want to get the attention of women start speaking with a louder voice. If women intimidate you, chances are your voice is very soft. Boost your voice to a volume that “seems” too loud and you’ll speak at a comfortable volume. Because you’re not use to speaking at this volume it will seem very loud; don’t worry, practice makes perfect. Voice Speed Public speaking is a great fear for most people. When somebody stands up to speak you can tell exactly how confident they are just by the speed of their voice. When we talk to our friends we speak in a cool calm voice and at a reasonably slow pace . If you hear a terrified person make a speech against their will, you’ll hear the fear in their voice. Unconfident people speak at an unnaturally fast pace to “get it over and done with”. They are so uncomfortable at public speaking that they rattle off their speech so fast most people have trouble getting the main points. Just by listening to the pace of your voice women can determine if you’re © Christopher Williamson 2005
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nervous. For men who are terrified at meeting women here’s a great tip: Speak at half the speed you think you should be talking and you’ll most likely be talking at a natural pace. Voice Timing Comedians are funny because they deliver their jokes with great timing. Learn to add emphasis, pauses, pace changes and fluctuating vocal tone. If you want to know exactly how to talk to women study some of the most confident public speakers and coaches of our time. Go to seminars and listen to confident people speak on TV, noting the characteristics of the speakers. A lot of men say they know what makes a confident voice and how to project one but when it comes time to approach women and use this confident voice they freeze up. Just knowing something doesn’t make you an expert; you must put what you know into practice. Spoken Words The words you speak have very little impact on your ability to attract women. Having said that there are words or lines you can say that will repel women so fast you won’t know where she’s gone. Lines that define women as sexual objects, creatures of desire or nothing but a shell of physical beauty don’t work. You can’t flirt with women by being too direct about your intentions. “Hey cutie,” “babe,” “hot stuff” are terrible lines for first impressions. As mentioned before, women interpret the meaning behind your words, so think about these words from a woman’s perspective. Whenever in doubt always use the formula below designed to transform action into meaning. HE JUST: said “Hey sexy” THAT MEANS: he’s only interested in my looks. I know this because he’s never met me before and doesn’t know anything about me. If he’s saying things like this without getting to know me then he just wants to sleep with me. Having said that, there are exceptions to every rule. Some men can walk up to women and have them charmed by saying the above phrases. Usually these men have much more experience and know what they’re doing. In learning to flirt for the first time realize that everything can work when you understand the deeper meaning behind your actions.
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More Than Words As we move onto non-verbal flirting remember that flirting is much more about how you use your voice rather than the words you say. This point has been repeated, but with good reason. When a friend talks about the success he’s had he’ll tell his friends the lines he used rather than what he did and how he acted. These friends then go and tryout their newly found pickup lines only to get harshly rejected. They conclude the lines don’t work and give up. If they realized that flirting is more about the delivery than the lines, everything would make sense to them.
Non-Verbal Flirting Throughout the next several chapters you’ll discover many examples and illustrated diagrams of verbal and non-verbal flirting you can use to attract women. But before we explain flirting during steps of the dating game, it’s necessary we highlight the important non-verbal aspects all women notice even before you open your mouth. Body Language Body language is how you communicate your feelings through your eyes, facial gestures, stance, posture and movements. It’s called body language because it’s a universal language that all people can understand no matter what language they speak. An angry person frowns, yells, and makes fast agitated movements while a sad person moves very little, is very quiet and curls up into a ball, hiding from the world. Body language is significant because the best body language interpreters in the world are women. Women are very good at interpreting body language for one reason: It’s the basis for determining whether a man is irresistible or not. While men primarily focus on women’s physical beauty, women focus on how men ‘hold themselves.’ Are they confident? Do they have self-respect? Do they have high self-esteem? Did you know that women could know how confident you are just by the way you stand? Confident men are irresistible to women the same way beautiful women are irresistible to men. For this reason women always interpret men’s body language. Here’s an example.
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HE JUST: walked past with his back hunched over and had his eyes fixed towards the ground. THAT MEANS: he’s very unconfident, probably has low self-esteem, is shy, probably doesn’t have very good social skills and would be very boring and possibly doesn’t have many friends. Surprising? Did you ever think that the way you hold yourself determines how women view your personality and social status? The message here is that body language and “the way you hold yourself” is extremely important when flirting. Throughout the later chapters you’ll see illustrated diagrams that show you nonverbal flirting (body language) that all women are unconsciously drawn towards. These non-verbal techniques will accompany the verbal flirting to achieve maximum results. Energy Energy is the fuel that keeps us going throughout our day. Without energy people can’t do anything except sleep. Do you remember a time when you had to be somewhere and interact with people but you had zero energy? People in our world don’t value their bodies anymore. We believe we have to stay up late and study for exams or go out every weekend and party till 5 am. With this fast-paced, instant gratification society we live in today we want everything and we want it now. This occurs because we over eat, stress ourselves out and pack too much into every day, which ultimately burns us out. No matter how energetic you are you could definitely use more energy during your day. People who lack energy are very grumpy and have no passion for life. Can you remember a time when you were really tired and felt upset but couldn’t explain it? Even though you were around people you loved, for some reason everyone was just making you angry? Lack of energy is the answer. People who don’t have enough energy to flirt come across as boring, emotionless and monotone in their speech. If you want to show women you’re an exciting and irresistible man, first you need the energy to prove it. Lacking energy is also linked to laziness. Surprisingly while approaching women can be scary for some men, a lot of guys simply don’t approach because they lack the energy and are thus lazy. Successfully meeting, flirting, attracting and dating women takes a lot of energy. How can you possibly impress women without energy? Here are three tips for endless amounts of energy.
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Energy Tip 1: Get Proper Sleep While the average adult needs around 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep most people only sleep 7 hours. While this doesn’t seem very bad, if you followed this sleeping pattern for one year you would lose 504 hours sleep! That’s 21 days of sleep. As you can see over time this adds up and is often responsible for sickness, lack of concentration and even depression. While most people’s lifestyle isn’t this extreme everyone has experienced sleepless nights. Below are some tips for better sleep, more energy and thus greater ability to flirt and attract women. Avoid caffeine When people feel tired the first thing they reach for is caffeine. Coffee and other caffeine drinks affect everyone differently but some can find it difficult to sleep even after only one cup of coffee before dinner. Avoid alcohol While alcohol makes you feel drowsy and helps you sleep, it often wakes people up after only several hours sleep and stops the body from entering the deepest stage of sleep where the body heals and recovers itself. This is often why people feel so sluggish after a night of hard drinking. Go to bed early and get up early The earlier you go to bed the better. When electricity didn’t exist humans when to bed when the sun went down, nowadays we stay up way past our bedtime. Your body is conditioned to do most of its recharging between 11pm and 1am. If you go to bed after these hours everyday you’ll constantly be tired and sluggish. Don’t stimulate the brain before bed If you watch TV, exercise or read suspenseful books before bed you’ll find it hard to sleep. Make it a habit to unwind an hour or two before bed rather than suddenly trying to sleep after an energy-intensive activity. Keep a Rhythm Give your body a routine it can stick to by going to bed and waking up the same time every night. No one can go to bed the same time every night but make the effort to have a sleep routine a majority of the time. People who try to accomplish too much tend to go to sleep very late and get up late. Falling into a © Christopher Williamson 2005
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routine like that makes it very difficult to change your sleeping patterns to more suitable hours. Listen to mellow music If you find it hard to unwind before bed listen to soft, mellow music. Stay away from heavy rock and techno if you want to sleep. Hide your clock Staring at your ceiling for more than an hour is frustrating enough but if you turn over to your clock and see that it’s been two hours that just increases stress and makes it even harder to fall asleep. Make sure there are no visible clocks in your room when you sleep. Just remember that the more sleep you get the more energy you have and the more energy you have the better you flirt with women. Energy Tip 2: Energizing Exercise Everyone knows that exercise is good for you but how many people do you know that actually jog or swim on a regular basis? If you can motivate yourself to do between 30 – 60 minutes of moderate paced exercise every morning, you’ll feel totally energized. If you haven’t exercised for several months you may get some minor muscle pain until your body adapts. After only a week you’ll see enormous changes in your day-to-day activities. You’ll be faster, happier, stronger, healthier and more positive. Lots of exercise = lots of breathing = lots of oxygen = lots of blood circulation = lots of energy Energy Tip 3: Eat in Moderation Most people feel tired when they wake up, between 3 – 5pm and 11pm. It’s during these times that people have an urge for sugar to give them a kick-start. Even though eating sugar and caffeine make you feel like you have instant energy, these foods make you sluggish and tired only hours after ingesting them. Instead walk around, listen to music, and socialize to reenergize yourself. Now that you understand what is necessary to flirt with women, it’s time to explain the types of flirting that attract women. Even though the actual words you say have very little impact on your success, learning to use the right flirting techniques will make you do the right things, skyrocketing you automatically to being successful with women.
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Section 3: The “Playful Conflict” Flirting Formula If you really don’t know where to start, understand that intense emotion is your objective when communicating with women. You’ll know when you’re doing things correctly because women will start responding positively towards you. They’ll start laughing, smiling, hitting you and being generally friendly. The simplest and fastest way to create emotion with women is to intentionally start a playful conflict. Here are the 4 basic conflicts you should start using. If you can’t think of your own techniques start with these and observe the results. This formula is the essence of everything taught in this book and should be the fastest and easiest way to start getting success with women. Use these factors in any order. While these ideas might seem absurd at the moment they’ll make more sense as we move on further into the book.
If she's sitting on your bed push her off. If she's enjoying the movie throw popcorn at her. If she's enjoying lying down tickle her. Steal her hat off her head.
Playfully Provoke
If she says she’s a good girl, tell her you want someone bad. If she says she’s cool, say you’re cooler or she’s a dork. If she likes something say it doesn't look good. If she thinks something is cool give her a weird look. If she says she doesn't like something say how good it looks. If she sits next to you tell her to keep her distance
Playfully Disagree
Playfully Accuse If she says she likes an actor, tell her she has a crush on him If she places her hand on your leg, give her a weird look like she coming on to you. If she says let’s go home, say, “I’m not going home with you! I don’t even know you!” Accuse her of being a bad girl whenever possible.
Playfully Compete
If you're both playing a game make a confident wager that you’ll win. Always cheat to win. Poke your tongue out at her. Playfully walk away.
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Section 4: Flirting Qualities The 3 Qualities There are three specific qualities you need to portray in order to attract the women you’ve always wanted. Failing to follow these can results in rejection, awkward situations or confusion. Use this formula and relate it to your own experiences with women and pinpoint where things may be going wrong.
As you can see the above graph is a circle divided into three equal sections. They are in the form of a circle because each is equally important and all must be done. Let’s briefly define each step of this formula. Confident – To make women comfortable by being confident Playful – To make women interested by playfully with them Sexual – To make women desire you by strategically communicating your interest Let’s detail each of these qualities and provide examples to make it easier to understand.
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Confident Flirting HE JUST: said I look like a dork in this hat. THAT MEANS: he’s confident and independent. He’s not kissing up to me like all the other guys and isn’t trying to get anything from me, or is he? I like him. Can you see how telling a woman she looks like a dork works so well? While this behavior may seem mean or fake you must realize something. Look at these two examples to better understand the concept that’s about to change your perception forever. Example #1 A young man was brought up into a rich household and grew up with everything he ever wanted. He had the latest sports car, his own apartment and all the best suits. All he had to do was ask his father for his credit card. This man even got a job because of his father’s business connections. The Result: This man didn’t value his success. Example #2 A young man grew up with his single mother who earned just enough money to survive. He spent 2 hours traveling on three buses and a train to attend college for which he paid for himself by working two part time jobs. He eventually opened up a successful and profitable business from the knowledge he acquired in college. The Result: This man valued his success. As you can see both men grew up with very different lifestyles. The big difference was the second man valued everything while the first man didn’t. Which brings us to a fundamental rule about life and dating women. That which is not earned is not valued. • • • • •
Don’t treat women special just because you like them. Don’t call women every day and crave their attention. Don’t jump at every opportunity to do women’s gardening, laundry and fix their electrical problems. Don’t reveal your life story and problems to women early on. Don’t bitch, snicker and base your conversations around negativity.
No matter what personality, interest or background, every single woman is
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looking for confident man that engages her mind with mystery and challenge. Without these attributes men don’t provide women with any real value for choosing a boyfriend. They aren’t looking for men to baby-sit, they’re looking for a protector, provider and lover. Men who act super-eager and horny repel women very quickly. • • •
If you’re difficult to impress, women need to work to impress you. If women need to work, they need to earn you. If women need to earn you, they value you.
This is quite a shift in thinking, isn’t it? Think of it this way. A door-to-door salesmen get rejected the second you find out he is trying to “sell you something.” Similarly, very attractive women will reject you the second she finds out you like her if you’ve communicated it in some stupid obvious way. Here’s how to make women value you: • • • •
Courageously approach her cool and calm to show you’re not scared or super eager. Tease her by treating her like “just a buddy” to prove you’re not just interested in her looks Act playfully unimpressed to show you have real value. Be firm if she’s late, make sure she respects your time.
People may read this and think, “This earn/value rule doesn’t apply to dating. Dating is totally different.” Unfortunately this is basic human psychology that is relevant in all situations. Why don’t women date men who desperately want them? Women don’t find these men challenging. What is not earned is not valued. Here are 8 great flirting techniques to project confidence to let women know you’re extremely valuable. These techniques attract women and position you as one of the most unique guys she’s met in a long time. Tongue Poke At some point during conversation poke your tongue out at the woman. This is extremely playful and she’ll probably start playing along with your flirtatious behavior. Use it when there’s a silence, when she’s waiting for you to respond to her question or just in the middle of the conversation.
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After talking for some time you can walk up to her and look over her head as if you’re looking for something. You can then say, “Where did Sarah go?” Don’t stand too close just close enough to get the point across. You’ll usually get a playful hit for this one because it implies that she’s short. If you’re the same height or just a little bit shorter stand on your toes to add some extra height. Being the same height can actually make this technique work better because it’s sarcastic humor. You’re saying she’s short even though she’s clearly level with your height. If you’re feeling extra confident even say this to a woman who’s taller than you. Stand in Front While talking, stand in front of her and playfully point something out in the distance and saying something like, “Wow, check out that wall, that’s really cool”. Women usually find it uncomfortable for men to enter their personal space when they’ve just met but what you’re doing is standing in front of her with your back facing her. This technique also works great when she’s waiting for her question to be answered or during an uncomfortable silence in the conversation. Doing something playful like this can spice things up if they’ve gone dull. The idea is to use something very plain so she knows you’re not being serious. If you said, “Hey check out that plane” and actually meant it, she would think you’re rude and arrogant. This communicates you’re flirty and playful but not going to drop everything for her. You have power and no one’s going to take that away from you. Walk Away As you flirt with her playfully walk away from something she says. This technique works great if you do it for something meaningless and pointless. If she says, “I like pink clothes”, you can say, “Oh I don’t think I can be seen talking to you anymore” and walk away. Don’t use this technique to walk away from something offensive. If she said something like, “You’re so cute, just like a teddy bear”, and you walk away you’re communicating you’re easily upset and can’t keep your cool. The idea is to be playful so the sillier the reason for walking away the funnier and more successful it’ll be. Arms of Steel Look at her arm then just squeeze it near her shoulder with a surprised look on your face. You can then say, “Wow, I wouldn’t want to meet you in a dark alley. Arm’s of steel!” implying she’s a huge masculine man. Touching: Only use this technique if you feel the woman is already comfortable © Christopher Williamson 2005
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around you or else she’ll feel endangered by physical contact. Humor is based on opposites and sarcasm so don’t use this technique if she has large arms for a woman, otherwise you’d be teasing her insecurities and that’s not what you want. Of course no woman wants to feel masculine because they’re a women, so by implying she’s masculine when she clearly not becomes funny. Sympathetic Pat When she makes a comment about something that seems funny or strange simply look at her sympathetically and pat her on the head. For example if she said, “I likes shopping at X shopping mall”, you can pat her on the head and say, “It’s ok”. This implies she needs better taste. Use it in response to her clothes, quirky hobbies or other harmless things. Remember these techniques are supposed to be playful, use them when things are silly and inoffensive. Again only use this technique when you’ve spoken for a few minutes and gained her trust. Embarrassed or Weird Look Give her an embarrassed or weird look for something she says or does. Again when she makes a comment about something, for example you may say, “What brand are those sunglasses?” And she says, “Oh these are (expensive fashionable brand)”, if you give her an embarrassed look it implies she has no taste. You can use this technique when she answers your question or does something silly. Of course this embarrassed look is suppose to be fun and playfully, if you look serious you’ll scare the woman off very fast. Unlike the above technique, this technique can be used the moment you introduce yourself to a woman because it doesn’t involve touching. Catch Me If You Can Grab or take an item of hers and playfully keep it from her. If you’ve been talking for a while you can ask to look at some sort of bracelet or hat she’s wearing. Then when she asks for it back you can make her playfully try and grab it back. If she doesn’t ask for it back you can get things going by saying something like, “Hmm, I think I’m going to keep this”. Then pretend to give it back and quickly move your hand when she tries to grab it. This flirting technique is very similar to how an older child would play with his younger brother or sister. This flirtatious behavior is lots of fun and women love it if you’re smiling and laughing as you’re doing it.
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Playful Flirting HE JUST: grabbed my hands and started playing a slapping game to decide if he’s cooler than me. THAT MEANS: he’s social, playful and knows how to have more fun than all those jocks out there. He doesn’t take things too seriously. I like him. Can you see how there is some subtle tension and conflict within this example? If a man is playfully communicating he is cooler than a woman he is disagreeing. For most men the thought of disagreeing with women sounds absurd. Why would you want to get into a conflict with a woman you’re interested in? First, we’re not talking about a serious fight. We’re talking about a playful flirtatious conflict. Remember women are attracted to the feelings men give them. And the feelings of a playful battle are very emotionally intense. Playful conflicts focused on women create emotionally intense conversations that attract women.
Where do you live? How old are you? Where do you work? What’s your family like? Do you have any pets? What’s your brother’s, best friends’ favorite color?
Its obvious women want somebody interesting and fun to hang out with. But often all the things men know about being fun and interesting in social situations go out the window the minute they start talking to a beautiful woman. I say, “talking” because rather than flirting with women they think they’re being fresh and original by asking boring demographic questions like:
There is nothing wrong with these questions, but unless you add in playful disagreement women won’t feel attracted to you. The problem with demographic questions is, once started, it’s very difficult to transition into a more fun and interesting conversation. Of course you can use these questions if done correctly. Asking a woman “Where do you live?” and then playfully transitioning into an emotionally intense argument about why your neighborhood is cooler than hers puts you on the right track. If you playfully build conflict you build tension.
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Flirting Formula If you build tension you build intense emotion. If you build intense emotion you attract women.
flirting secrets every guy must know
As you can see sometimes the strangest ideas work in ways we couldn’t imagine. What you must remember is that women are different creatures; they feel attraction for men completely differently. Emotion is much more powerful than a man’s looks. So what ways can you build conflict? The most powerful way to evoke emotion is to focus on the woman. Here are 5 examples of playful flirting. Playfully settle verbal arguments in silly ways and always make sure you win. Thumb Wrestling Challenge her to a thumb war to settle a playful argument. While having a playful argument over something like who is the coolest, who’s shoes are more stylish or who’s neighborhood rocks the most challenge her to a thumb war to determine who is right. It’s childish but extremely playful and emotionally intense. Always make sure you win, so feel free to use your other hand to cheat. This shows you’re easy going and don’t take things too seriously. If she genuinely gets upset from your cheating you know you’ve found a very serious uninteresting woman. Playfully steal something of value to her. Photo Snatch Ask to see her wallet and take out her photo ID and make fun of it. If she doesn’t want to show you, show her your photo ID first and make fun of it if it looks silly. Almost every single woman hates other people looking at their photo IDs. She’ll most likely try and snatch it back from you as fast as possible because the photo was taken when she had a hairstyle she didn’t like or when she was much younger. If she’s not ashamed of the photo it’s hard to be playful about it; just play it as it goes. Playfully provoke her in someway. Playing Poker Ask her if she’s any good at poker and then poke her ticklish area around the waist and hips. Realize that touching a woman is a big deal when you start dating, people only feel comfortable with others touching if they trust them. If the woman trusts you poke her around the rib cage where she’s most ticklish. The first date might not be the best time to engage in this playful behavior. It just depends on how comfortable you make her feel around you. Even the second date might not be the right time for this; just make your own judgments. If you’re not sure leave it. Playfully insist she is wrong about something.
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Shoulder Tap Tap her on the shoulder and quickly turn around denying it was you. This technique is childish but works like a charm. Tap the woman on her shoulder when she’s not looking then turn away. Whether you turn away in time or not doesn’t matter. Let her catch you turning away with a big smile on your face. Continue to look away or look around the room with a silly face to avoid eye contact. You can finish by saying something like, “It wasn’t me! It was that guy on the other side of the room! I swear! He just ran back over there really really fast… honest.” Playfully contrast the current situation. Mr. Serious When you’re both having a fun, great time, laughing and giggling put on the most serious straight face you can make and say, “Ok, ok… we’re having too much fun. Stop it! No more fun!” If you’re in a highly energetic and playful mood, she’ll stop for a second and then burst into laughter. Or she may play along. In that case put on your most serious face together with a really monotone voice and start saying things like, ”Ok… So do you have a house? Yep me too I have a house.” “Wow, that’s fascinating. Hmmm… So do you like stuff?” Say something completely obvious and say it with the most serious face you can. While you’re having a boring conversation you’re actually communicating that you understand boring conversations and making fun of them in the process. As long as you’re doing this after something completely fun and playful this will be hilarious.
Sexual Flirting While friends talk about hobbies, the weekend and gossip there is one form of communication that two friends never engage in together. Flirting is more than telling jokes, being funny and being confident. Intent Sexual flirting speaks right to a woman’s core and allows her to understand you in her language. While men tend to think very logically and straight down the line, women think emotionally. When interested in men women hit and tease them , while women who aren’t interest tend to stay in demographical “So where do you live?” sorts of conversations. She can be ‘interested’ in your conversations, which can go for hours, but she’ll never feel ‘attracted’ to you. Why? Women are different creatures; therefore they think, feel and act differently. If
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you want women to realize you’re the man she’s been searching for you need to speak suggestively. You don’t do this by saying how beautiful she looks but rather by saying she’s a bad girl. While sexual flirting is probably the most powerful type of flirting that exists, it is also the most difficult to understand. What makes this form of flirting so powerful is the intent. Instead of just talking about each other you’re playfully suggesting that you should ‘be together’ without actually saying it. If you said, ‘you know, we would fight all the time’ you’re communicating the possibility of dating without saying stupid like, ‘I think you’re very beautiful and I’ve liked you for a long time now. Will you go out with me?’ If you add sexual innuendos and suggestive comments to your emotionally intense playful arguments or conflicts you’ll create magic. Suggest Attraction “It’s because you want me” Be bold. Be brave and say this with confidence. You never know she may start to like you after your confident statement. She doesn’t have to like you but the idea of sexual flirting is getting women to think about the statements you say. You can recycle this joke over and over during your interaction by saying, “Sarah! Stop liking me so much!” “No funny business Ok? I don’t even know you yet” If she wasn’t thinking about sex before she will be after this statement. Understand that suggesting attraction only works if the woman finds you socially fun and interesting; if you’re boring and have nothing to talk about then you’ll just come across totally weird. Could you imagine saying, ‘No funny business Ok?’ with low self-esteem and no confidence or social skills? The woman would just flat out laugh at you. Role Play Coupling “We would fight all the time.” Subtly implying how much you guys wouldn’t work out. This comment is great when you’re having an emotionally intense playful conflict. It works like magic. (At the cinema) “Hey let’s get married right now! We’ll get the popcorn guy to be the priest” Suggesting marriage sounds absurd to most men but if you do this playfully
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she’ll realize you’re independent, confidence and don’t take dating seriously. Imply She’s Sexually Aggressive “You’re such a bad girl.” You can bring sexual ideas into the conversation without being shallow. There are certain words, regardless of their context, that are always interpreted with a sexual connotation. Words and phrases such as “innocent” “naughty” “bad girl” “good girl” “trouble maker” “mischief maker” are great examples. Some women actually play into the “Yes, I’m a bad girl” idea while others laugh and try and convince you they’re not. Of course when she says, “Hey, I’m not innocent!” implying she’s feisty and aggressive like a man, tell her you’re not interested in a sexually aggressive woman. On the other hand if she says she is innocent you can say you’re looking for someone wild. Can you see what we’re doing here? Instead of always agreeing with women you’re making them fight for your approval and showing them you’re not so easily earned. Always flirt by offering the opposite opinion to the woman, building conflict, which builds intense emotion required for playful flirting. “Somebody’s feisty.”
When you’re playing with each other’s feet under the table When you’re looking at her photo. When she’s trying to take back something you stole. When she touches you unexpectedly. When she rests her hand on your leg.
Again this statement could be made at many appropriate moments to imply her aggressive nature. You could say it:
Obviously statements like these can’t be used without a context. Never memorized an entire script of dialogue to say around women because you’ll come off totally weird and say things out of context in a strange rehearsed tone. Imply She’s Naughty “What sort of mischief are you getting into lately?” “What sort of trouble are you getting into lately?” These statements work best to restart conversations. Use them when text
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messaging women or meeting up with them for a date. This statement is great for re-starting up the flirtatious atmosphere between the two of you. “You’re in so much trouble.”
Meets you for her date (whether she’s on time or late) Picks some food off your plate Drops something or makes a clumsy mistake
While this works great after a comment she makes it can also work really well straight out of the blue. Of course this evokes lots of curiosity as she wonders why she’s in trouble? You don’t actually need a reason if she asks about why she’s in trouble but you can always make up a playful one. While it’s important to deliver this line smiling and playfully you can actually say it with a completely straight face. Once you’ve said it you can crack the littlest smile to show her you’re joking. Great situations to use this type of flirting are when she:
Imply You’re A Man HE JUST: jokingly said, “Come on I’ll buy you a diamond ring. No really I will!” THAT MEANS: he isn’t easy to win over and has power when choosing who he dates. He understands exactly how most losers’ act around me and is making fun of them. I like him. The general rule: Say things that dorks would seriously say or do and make them sarcastic and playful. Most men buy women expensive gifts, call them every day, do helpful things they would never normally do and even say they love them. Use these behaviors to show you understand her. Other variations are: “Come on I’ll only call you every-single day!” “Come on I’ll buy you the biggest diamond ring money can buy. No seriously I will. I really need to find a way to impress you.” “Come on I’ll do your laundry.” If the woman says, “You’ll really do my laundry?” act disgusted and say, “No! What do you think I am you’re slave?” Don’t ever let her think you’re being serious. “I think I secretly love you. No really I think I’m going to stalk you everyday.” This statement can only be said if you understand how to joke. If you said this in a really plain tone of voice she would think you’ve being 100 per cent serious. Can you see how what you say is nowhere near as important as how you say it? © Christopher Williamson 2005
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Playfulness has been emphasized in nearly every example during this chapter so you can really understand the language of flirting. If you use any of these techniques and you claim they don’t work, it’s because you’re saying it at the wrong time or in the wrong way. Sexual Actions A significant part of being what women call “a real man” is taking charge in all situations. Women often say, “I like a man who knows what he wants.” Unfortunately this statement baffles most men. A man who knows what he wants doesn’t ask for permission. He takes the leadership role in every situation and expects others to comply. If you’re ever in clubs or bars watch as the dominant men control the situation by approaching women, talking to them, taking them by the hand and guiding them through the club to another location. These men expect women to follow their lead. They don’t politely ask – they just do it. You might think this attitude seems rude or careless, but what you must understand is that women want men to do this. Why do you think men who ask, “What movie do you want see?” get responses such as: “I don’t know.” “I don’t really care.” “You decide.” Women want men to be the leaders. Men who ask women to make the decisions get vague responses like the examples above because women want men to lead. The woman is offering the man a chance to affirm his manliness. “Real men” make decisions. It may seem daunting to maintain this sort of control, but as the behaviors are broken down into actions it will become clearer. When women say they are attracted to strong men, they don’t mean physically strong. They mean men who can control situations. But unless men start these interactions they won’t ever get a chance to control them. A masculine male begins by starting the conversation and continues to initiate and advance to each logical step of the dating process. Here’s the basic list of initiatives men take during their encounters with women: | 1 2 3 4 5
Meet the woman. 6. Set the date. Lead the conversation. 7. Make all decisions. Get her number. 8. End the date. Call her. 9. Set further encounters. Plan the date. 10. Establish intimacy.
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Men lack the courage to take control of situations for one reason: insecurity and fear. “If I do that she won’t like me; she’ll leave me.” No! If you lead and control all situations you’ll attract the women you’ve always wanted with incredible consistency.
Without The 3 Qualities If you miss even one step of the formula-- confidence, playful and sexual-- you’ll get unwanted results. Here are examples with undesirable results. Example #1 – Confident & Playful If you confidently walked up to a woman (confidence) and had a great, energetic fun conversation (playful) but then walked away without asking for her number it’s very unlikely that you would succeed. Example #2 – Playful & Sexual You rudely walk up to a woman while she’s talking with other people and don’t properly address the group. Instead of talking to everyone and making them feel welcome you narrow in on a woman and make her feel uncomfortable. You continue to talk to her (interest) and get her number (desire). Unfortunately, because you never addressed the first step (comfort) she mentally blocked you out and even though she might have “seemed” involved in the conversation all she wanted was for you to go away. Because her friends didn’t approve of you she rejected you. In this situation she will either walk away or continue the conversation without interest. When you ask for the number she will give a fake number or she’ll never answer. Example #3 – Sexual If you walk up to a woman and say, “You look beautiful” and then ask for her number, you may get her number but most likely nothing else will happen. Because you didn’t show confidence or your fun personality the woman has no reason to see you again. She knows you only wanted her for her physical looks and doesn’t even know if she can trust you because she doesn’t know anything about you. So as you can see from these 3 examples, to be successful you must utilize all three elements of flirting. Example #4 – Confidence & Sexual You approach a woman and speak very directly and briefly (with confidence) and suddenly ask for her number (desire). While this “swept off her feet” approach can work the woman may be hesitant to see you again. While she was definitely attracted to you she may not have had enough time to build any rapport with you and is scared you two might not have anything to talk about when you meet up.
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Chapter 3: First Conversations With Women People Want What They Can't Have In our world it is human nature to want things. We want a better job, we want more money, we want to be more attractive to the opposite sex, we want to be thinner and we want a great partner. People constantly want more and more out of life, which is healthy and natural for a human being. So it only becomes natural that once you have what you want you don't obsess about it the same way. If you were dreaming about an amazing sports car and finally bought it after 10 years, the desire to want the car disappears because now you have it. Everyone has the desire to be rich, wealthy or at least to have more money. Well everyone except, rich people. Wealthy people constantly explain to others that being rich is “not what it’s all cracked up to be" and they want more from their lives too. Even in our example, rich people want more out of life. They’re usually unhappy because they crave a long lasting relationship, which they can’t achieve due to their heavy involvement in building wealth for themselves. I'll say it again because it’s a core concept you need to understand and is heavily linked to flirting. People want what they can’t have. Now think carefully how this scenario could be relevant in the dating world. Very feminine beautiful women are shown interest from eager and horny men everyday. By the time young women reach adulthood their experience with men, dating and relationships is considerably higher than the men who don’t date often.
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These women are approached hundreds of times a week by men communicating their interest for them. This may be flattering for sometime but after a while it gets "boring". If she could have any man within 5 seconds of meeting him what fun and excitement would be left? People want to lead spontaneous, wild and unpredictable lives. But for this to happen people need to be presented with the unexpected, the challenging and the mysterious. As Albert Einstein once said, “The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.” so let’s learn how to be unpredictable, exciting and challenging and intensify every woman’s emotions. Uncertainty/variety is a core need of every human being and men who present challenges fulfill this deep need within women. Remember we said that women are attracted to emotions and the feelings men give them. So if a woman is 100% sure she can have a man because he communicated this in some really obvious way, how much effort is she going to put into calling him, making an effort talk to him or begging him to catch up? She wouldn’t chase him because she knows he's there for her whenever she wants and that's something she can take for granted. So how do we flirt in a way that portrays us as possessing these attractive qualities?
Sucking Up vs. Playing Hard-To-Get Remember women are always interpreting the actions and lines you say. Her mind is always analyzing your moves to understand your intentions. If you can keep her guessing, by being playful, challenging, fun and mysterious you engage her very quickly. Observe how these two situations compare and contrast. HE JUST: said “Wow, you’re really beautiful” THAT MEANS: He’s only interested in me physically because he doesn’t even know anything about me. I don’t like him. RESULT: she’s repelled. HE JUST: poked his tongue out at me! THAT MEANS: he’s very confident, mysterious, funny, secure, in control, hard to get, © Christopher Williamson 2005
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Flirting Formula flirting secrets every guy must know
playful and really fun! He’s not just interested in my looks because he’s not sucking up to me like all the other guys. In fact I’m not even sure if he is interested in me. I’m going to keep flirting with him and get to the bottom of this. RESULT: she’s attracted. Do you see how playful flirting challenges and attracts women? Now that you understand why this type of flirting is necessary let’s look at more examples that attract the sort of woman for whom you’re looking. By learning verbal techniques that work, other aspects of your personality will develop automatically transforming you into the irresistible man women want.
Section 1: Phrases, Games and Pickup Lines A lot of humor is based on sarcasm. These verbal techniques use sarcasm, teasing and childish behavior to attract women.
Cute Line “Awe… You’re so cute.” Flirting with a woman by saying she’s cute can be said at almost anytime and really gets emotions running. Women know you are putting them down in a nice, fun and playful way. Usually women are the one’s men can’t figure out. Instead turn the tables in your favor.
“Who Would You Do?” Game A great game you can play is “Who would you do?” You basically tell a woman you’re playing a game and point out two men. Try and pick two guys that she would never date (based on only physical appearance.) Then ask her, which guy would she sleep with. “If you had to choose, who would you do?” A common response is “Can I say none?” Of course you reinforce what would be her choice if she had to choose. It’s just the rules of the game. YOU: Who would you do? HER: (she picks a guy) YOU: Are you sure? (Dissatisfied)
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Flirting Formula flirting secrets every guy must know
HER: Yeah… YOU: Really? (Pointing to the other guy) Aww… that’s awesome I think you two would make a cute couple! HER: Yuk! YOU: I can see a potential future for the two of you. HER: No way! YOU: Come on, I’ll introduce you to him. HER: No!! (laughing, giggling) Most men don’t understand why you would try and playfully match make a woman you’re interested in with another man because they don’t realize two very important things. First, you are proving you really don’t need her, projecting independence as a masculine man and second, you’re having fun. All people want to have fun so make sure the woman associates fun with you. Tease, flirt and accuse all you want. You do what you want, you’re a masculine man remember?
Pickup Lines Game While you’re confidently talking to a woman stop what you’re saying and pause for a second. After building the anticipation, put on your best overly exaggerated shy face and say the corniest pickup line you can think of. Here are some examples.
Heaven must be missing an angel because you are right here. Do you want my library card because I can’t help but check you out! Do you want me to call 911, because you seem to be on fire!
1. Say a corny pickup line:
Don’t use overly sexual pickup lines, because even if you’re joking you can still offend women. The pickup lines above are all soft pick-up lines. 2. Tell her how pathetic they are. After saying the pick up line quickly tell her how pathetic these pickup lines are. Women always agree with this statement and you quickly build trust. 3. Start an exciting conversation about lame guys that have approached her. From here you can ask the woman the worst pickup lines that have been used on her or her friends. This will transition into many funny, flirty and emotional conversations. HE JUST: said a pickup line about how beautiful I am and then said it’s stupid.
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Flirting Formula flirting secrets every guy must know
THAT MEANS: he’s very experienced at dating because he knows that I don’t want to hear that I’m beautiful from somebody I don’t know very well and he’s so confident he can make fun of it. This technique is quite advanced and should be exercised with caution. Make sure you understand how to deliver the pick up line. Use it when you believe your flirting experience has improved.
“We Should Start Our Own…!” Role Play Game One of the best ways to communicate playfulness and fun is to position the woman and yourself in a role-playing situation.
You: Hey, do you know when the semester finishes? Her: (her answer). You: Hey, you look pretty intelligent. I reckon we could start our own school and it’d be way better than this one. Yeah. Not like all these boring schools you see everywhere. Our school would be the best school in the world! From here on the idea is to imagine the two of you working together in this situation. Try and think like a comedian. They take a basic idea and discuss it in as many crazy scenarios as possible. Ask her what she’d like to see in the fantasy and come up with your own suggestions. You: We’ll make millions! We’ll double the fees to help fund our secret scam to live like filthy rich kings. And if anyone disobeys us you’ll take care of ‘em, won’t ya? And after the school we’ll take over the world! The more your stories don’t make sense the more emotionally intense they’ll become. Find absurd situations both of you can playfully experience. These stories can sometimes go on for a long time. You’ve got enough material to last for hours. Just take the scenario you’ve put yourself in and relate it to everything and everyone around you. YOU: Yeah, see that guy over there? He’ll become our university money slave; he can walk up to all the students and demand their cash for me. Don’t worry you’ll get some too.
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Starting a rock band and she’s your manager. Starting a nightclub and she’s your bouncer. Starting a coffee shop and she can grind the beans. Starting your own country and she can make the flag. Making your own feature film movie and she can be your actress.
Depending on where you meet the woman the playfully absurd role-playing story could be:
Always base the stories on power, wealth and fame. You can mention how rich you’ll become; who’ll do the dirty work for you and what you’ll do once you’re both wealthy and/or famous. Be creative and find a scenario you know a lot about or feel comfortable with, but make sure you can make the idea fun and exciting. There’s no use getting excited about starting your own flea market or retirement village.
If you really find it hard to start conversations with women spontaneously with these techniques, try coming up with ideas before hand, writing them down and memorizing the basic idea but not the exact lines. Rehearsed scripts make you sound fake and unnatural no matter how much work you put into it. Learn the general flow of your material until you build the confidence to do this effortlessly.
Conclusion It doesn’t matter what you say or do with women as long as it evokes emotion. All of these flirting techniques are simply training wheels until you feel comfortable talking about anything with women. If you’re completely terrified talking to women memorize some easy techniques like poking your tongue out at women and see what happens. Once you see women responding positively towards you, you’ll be instantly motivated to learn more flirtatious techniques.
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Section 2: Body Language The body language you present around women during your first encounter is just as important as connecting on an emotional level. All of the diagrams ahead illustrate both good and bad examples of body language. Women interpret almost everything from your body language.
Strength Confidence Independence Dominance Control Security Socially Intelligent Self-Respect Passion For Life
Good body language is interpreted as:
Weakness Shyness Nervousness Neediness Submission Lack of Direction Insecurity Socially Awkward Low Self-Esteem Depression
While poor body language is interpreted as:
Posture Eye contact Head positioning Stance
Not all body language conveys all of these aspects and some women interpret the language deeper than others. But the following body language is universal and all women know exactly how confident you are from observing the following behaviors. The areas are:
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Posture
Bad Posture
Good Posture
Posture is extremely important when you flirt with women. Notice the man with the bad posture is leaning forward and carrying his weight on his back rather than positioning the centre of gravity in his hips? This unacceptable posture forces your head to look at the ground. To continue looking forward with this posture the man bends his neck back. Standing like this, his shoulders roll forward and give him a weak submissive appearance. Other the other hand, the man with good posture has a straight neck, head facing forwards and shoulders right back, which puffs out his chest and makes him appear bigger and stronger. Women can tell whether you’ll be interesting or not just by observing your posture as you approach them. Although posture is important, eyes come in number 1 for successful body language and flirting.
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Eye Contact
Bad Eye Contact
Good Eye Contact
Eyes tell a tremendous amount of information about a person. Notice how the first man is looking away as he’s talking to the woman, while the second man is looking right into her eyes. The man with bad eye contact also has his head tilted down submissively. Engaging eyes show women you’re confidant, interested and most importantly, that you’re listening to her. Eyes direct how the rest of your body positions itself. If you look at the ground because you’re shy your head will naturally point towards the ground too. When your head faces downwards your shoulders tend to roll forward creating terrible posture. That’s why simply looking at the ground can repel women instantly. HE JUST: looked at the ground instead of focusing on me. THAT MEANS: he’s very shy, has low self-esteem, can’t flirt and is boring. I know this because his posture says he doesn’t love or value his own life very much and I don’t want to be with a man like that who’s going to bring me down. These interpretations can seem very harsh but its just reality. If you can’t project confidence when you flirt with a woman you’re not what she’s looking for.
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Head Positioning
Less Confident
More Confident
While eye contact and posture are the two most important factors necessary to effectively flirt with women, the positioning of your head can add the finishing touches to a man’s confidence. Can you see the subtle difference between these two men? Even though the first man does have straight posture his head is falling forwards because the woman he’s talking to is shorter than the man. Thus to meet her eyes he needs look down. A subtle improvement would be to keep the neck straight and position the chin slightly up but still make eye contact with the woman while flirting. Women love it when you’re very sure of yourself. While this technique may project arrogance it doesn’t come across that way. Women enjoy men who are arrogant but not offensive. Notice how popular and rich people tend to project an aura of arrogance? People respect these people because they respect themselves. Use this universal body language to subconsciously communicate success and selfrespect. Soon others will believe you are. Ultimately you are what you believe.
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Nervous Body Language
To effectively flirt with women during first encounters relaxed body language is necessary. Interestingly, all human emotions are contagious. Men who approach women and shuffle their feet, fiddle with their hands or constantly look around project nervousness. By communicating fear you not only make these women uncomfortable but also repel them. So instead of flirting with women to attract them, men focus too much on what to say which inflames this nervousness. Can you see how these men show fear by using their hands too much? Sometimes less is more. The less you move your body the more attractive and confident you appear. If you can keep conversations going, maintain good posture, smile and hold eye contact without fidgeting you’ll do very well as long as she’s single. Men often seem to get rejected by women before they’ve even opened their mouths. Outwardly expressing too much nervous body language makes women realize you’re not a mentally strong, confident, suitable partner. If you stutter, © Christopher Williamson 2005
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submissively break eye contact, sway or shuffle your feet you communicate an unattractive image. After some time men unconsciously develop habits they always communicate every time they’re nervous.
Scratching their back, neck, hands or face. Shuffling their feet Swaying left to right Talking in an unnatural or rehearsed tone of voice Speaking monotone Fidgeting with accessories such as, phones, watches, bracelets or necklaces Looking around
Some examples are:
A lot of nervous communication comes from using your hands at unnecessary moments. Obviously if you’re telling a story or doing playful gestures then hand movements become acceptable. It’s only when hands movements don’t accompany the verbal communication that they’re interpreted as nervousness.
Flirtatious Body Language Relaxed body language may seem hard to pull off, especially for very shy men. Unfortunately if you want to effectively flirt with women you’re going to have to work on your confident, flirtatious body language even more than working out what to say. Until you’re attracting the sorts of women you want you’ll have to “fake it till you make it.”
You will need to project that you don’t need her and take things more casually in the presence of women even if you aren’t dating any women yet. Consciously putting this information into practice and believing you are successful with women before you actually flirt and date any women is important. A successful man who remains unnamed once put it this way:
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How would you act if you had 200 million dollars in your bank account, 20 beautiful women chasing you all day long and an amazing body that people would kill for? Walk through the world with this attitude and see how you come across. The common advice preached in sales situations is that a man must always project a sense of successfulness even if he’s not. Follow this principle and make it work for your dating life. Notice how these two men sit and stand while they talk to women and adopt their communication. Do things like: • • • •
Stand tall with great posture Keep your feet firmly in one place Talk slowly in a deep resonating voice Always look at her to show you’re listening.
First Impressions Last There has been a lot of information focused on how to flirt with women during first encounters for a good reason. If women aren’t attracted to you when you first meet them it’s almost impossible to change their impression when you call to set up a date or run into them again. In life we have different relationships with different people. Some are friends, family, lovers, co-workers and acquaintances. If women categorize you as only being their friend, it’s because you didn’t flirt correctly. You didn’t present enough confidence, challenge and masculinity. Women’s first impressions determine the type of relationship she’ll have with you. If you talk with a woman for a few minutes she’ll make a decision about you. You’re either one of two things: Someone she has the potential to date or someone she’ll never date. So many men try for month’s, even years, to date their girl “friends”. These women are well aware of what these men are doing yet they never change their minds about these men. For this reason men need to make contact with new women. If the woman doesn’t need to earn the man she won’t value the man. There is no point in starting to flirt with women you’ve tried to date for months or even years. Men who don’t flirt and never show their attractive qualities early on during the “getting to know you” stage become nothing more than male friends.
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Chapter 4: Phone Dynamics How To Get Phone Numbers There is a misconception that you must talk to a woman for a long period of time before you’re allowed to get her number. There is nothing wrong with asking women for their phone numbers after only a very short conversation. After conversing for five minutes you could pull out your phone and say, “What’s your number?” Don’t say submissive things like: “You’ve probably got a boyfriend, right? No? Well, then can I maybe please have your number?” You may be thinking, “If she really likes me she’ll give me her number, won’t she?” Well, no. As you may remember, women are always checking to make sure you’re the masculine man you project yourself to be. It’s part of the “the test”. Masculine men know what they want and know how to get it Because of this rule masculine men don’t beg or plead for what they want. They command respect and everyone complies with their power. The simple mistake of asking humbly for her number gives her hundreds of opportunities to avoid your request and conclude you’re not the man she thought you were. Instead, when you expect her number, you communicate that you’re a man who knows what he wants and knows how to get it.
Initial Resistance When you start putting your new knowledge into practice you’ll make mistakes – everyone does. Resistance during the initial meeting is normal. When you start to use this information, by understanding the excuses women might give, you can be prepared with your own responses and possibly save hundreds of hours. There are only two reasons why a woman would avoid giving out her number:
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1. She’s in a relationship. 2. She isn’t attracted to you. Understanding the reasons, let’s look at the four major excuses women use. Excuse #1 – “Why don’t you give me your number?” Don’t buy into this common trap. Women almost never call men first because, as discussed before, men are supposed to be the leaders. They should control every step of the dating process. Continue to ask for her number. If she doesn’t want to give it to you, don’t give her your number, because you’ll just be wasting your time. A woman says, “Why don’t you give me your number?” To the misguided man this means, “She’s interested and will call me” But it actually means, “I don’t feel a connection to you and want to get out of this situation as quickly and easily as possible.” Excuse #2 – “I’m really busy with work/school/commitments at the moment.” This can be her mind really trying to stay away from men she doesn’t know well. The best way to deal with this is setting up a date on the spot. Say something along the lines of: “That’s OK – I understand, I’m really busy myself, but everyone’s got 20 minutes for coffee no matter how busy they are, haven’t they?” Excuse #3 – “I have a boyfriend.” This excuse can mean two things. She actually has a boyfriend and is happy with her relationship, or she doesn’t have a boyfriend but wants you to leave her alone. This is usually a lose–lose situation, because if you persist she reinforces her choice by telling herself you have no respect for a woman already in a relationship. Take the excuse “I have a boyfriend” as a sign to thank her, have a laugh and move on, no hard feelings. Excuse #4 – “Why don’t we swap numbers?” Why would a woman want your number in return? Most likely so she can see who’s calling and avoid answering the phone if she doesn’t find the caller interesting. Let’s say you successfully get the woman’s number, now it’s OK to give her your number in return, right? No! You don’t want a woman identifying your number. Although this may seem strange, the fact is a woman doesn’t need your number. If you call her three times while she was working she’ll see: “three missed calls from John”. Doesn’t look too good if you want to appear as an independent, strong and masculine male. Instead it makes you seem clingy and desperate. Women would rather wait for you to call again. So remember not to offer her your number at all. If she asks for it, just say she doesn’t need it, or say, “Na, just © Christopher Williamson 2005
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give me yours.” It’s that simple. If you don’t want to give her your number – and I recommend you don’t – just let her know. Women don’t really want to lie. But after years of experience with boys they weren’t attracted to, they’ve engineered an under-the-radar method to avoid socially awkward situations they’d rather not face. While some of these dating tactics seem tricky and complicated, just understand that what women say isn’t always what they mean. Identifying the common responses and resistances lets you know whether you should invest your time further or whether she isn’t interested at all but is just being nice and avoiding awkward confrontation
Power Question: “Am I prepared with something to say?” All you need to do is start conversations with women. But for some reason this task seems to be the biggest barrier for most men to start making progress. Grab a piece of paper and write down this question: “Am I prepared with something to say to her in this situation?” The initial meeting is simple. Pick a question or opinion you sincerely want to find out the answer to, regarding her, yourself or the surrounding area. Approach the woman with your question and continue to have a flirtatious conversation. Speak for no more than 5 to 10 minutes. You don’t want to talk longer than 10 minutes because it’ll increase your chances of saying something stupid or make the interaction go dull. Talk too long and she may lose interest.
How To Call Women The phone can be a very dangerous place to flirt. Talking to women on the phone for extended periods of time does not help build attraction unless you’re very experienced at flirting. Why? People determine if they like others based on hundreds of criteria but only 7% of this criterion is based on the words we say. When we flirt with women their impression are based: 55% on your body language Unavailable during phone calls. 38% on your style of speaking 7% on what you actually say
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Flirting with women on the phone only allows 45% of the flirting power necessary to attract women effectively. For this reason phones should only be used for setting dates with women. Talking on the phone doesn’t allow the intimate connection we get with people face-to-face. If you talk on the phone with a woman too long you increase her chances of losing interest. In addition, text messaging and emails only use 7% of your potential flirting abilities. In this circumstance you need to be very advanced in your flirting abilities to make email and text messages work for you.
Text Messaging Women There are many ways to communicate with people these days email, phone and postal mail. While calling women is a great way to quickly get in touch with them very often women don’t answer. If a woman can track your number on her home phone or cell and she sees “6 missed calls” on the display screen you can be sure you look like you’re trying way too hard or even worse look like a stalker. But won’t she call me back? Don’t count on it. Men are expected to take complete charge in dating situations. Yes, that means calling and setting up dates with women. Women only call back on very rare occasions. E-mail is also a possible alternative. You can send an e-mail, ask a woman to” catch up” then wait and wait and wait and wait some more. Although e-mail is less intrusive and requires fewer guts, many people just never check their emails. Depending on which country you live in, e-mail varies in popularity. Even in countries where e-mail is popular most people set up e-mail accounts and forget about them. After all no form of communication is perfect. Phone, e-mail and snail mail all have their advantages and disadvantages. But there is another system for communicating with women that’s very effective. This solution has the ease of e-mail but guarantees a much higher response rate. I’m talking about cell phones or mobile phones. Why cell phones? You probably already use your cell phone everyday, using it to call everyone including women. With a cell phone you can now send text messages between phones instantly. SMS, texting or text messaging, call it whatever you want. Being able to send text messages between a woman and yourself allows for the innocence of an e-mail
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but the personal contact and efficiency of a call. You never know when, if ever, a woman will check her e-mail. It could be 1 day or it could be 10 days after you send the message. But you can guarantee a text message reaches its destination almost instantly and will be read very soon. Now you may be thinking: “But text messaging is crap because it takes forever to set up a date, sending messages back and forth.” This is exactly why you’re not sending text messages back and forth. Instead, this simple strategy allows you to incorporate text messaging with calling; the result being she’ll answer her phone almost 100% of the time. The problem with calling is getting messages like “this phone is currently switched off” or “leave a message and I’ll get back to you”, which she won’t reply to. So here’s the 4 steps you can take to always make her call back. Step 1 – Have A Plan Before you do anything you must already have a plan for your evening. You need to know: • • •
When you’re available Where you’ll be going on the date What time you’re willing to meet up/pick her up
You don’t want to sit there thinking of a place to spend time together while she’s waiting to do other things, these are decisions you need to make before the text message. Women love a man that makes decisions and has a plan. Step 2 – Sending The Message Instead of calling, after getting her cell number simply send her a simple text. This text doesn’t need to say anything about “catching up” or even hint at any obvious intention you have to “see her again”. It simply says, • • •
Who you are How you met Casually asking how things are going.
It doesn’t have to be long and it doesn’t need to be deep. There are four parts to writing the simple message.
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Hey shorty, It’s Tim, from the bookstore in Greentown yesterday. How’s things? What sort of trouble are you getting into lately? Hey shorty, “Hey shorty” shows a high level of confidence, communicating that you’re so comfortable around a woman you just met that you can even call her names to communicate a sign of disinterest and proving your masculine independence. Things like fatty or tubby won’t get you a positive response so stick to something harmless and fun like the example illustrated above. It’s Tim, from the bookstore in Greentown yesterday. It’s important to define who you are in the first message. If she doesn’t recognize you then she probably won’t reply. If she does reply it will be a confused “who is this?” message, not the best way to start out. Of course make sure you’ve exchanged names when you talked to her in person.
Also include the exact place you met her. For example saying “in the shopping mall” is too vague, she may have given her number out to 2 or even more guys in that one place. It happens. Also include what day you met her. So be specific. It’s Tim from the bookstore in Greentown yesterday. Failure to be specific means sending more text messages until she finally understands you’re not a stalker. In any case, it’s likely the woman won’t remember you very well at all, unless you left a stunning impression on her. So follow the guidelines above to make sure she knows who you are after just one message. How’s things? General comments usually exchanged by friends, implying you two already have a connection. What sort of trouble are you getting into lately? This flirting technique vaguely implies she is a naughty girl. It implies sexual activity in a fun and harmless way. Because the last sentence of a text is the most © Christopher Williamson 2005
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remembered part of a message, it becomes crucial to end the text message with a question. Doing so reinforces her need to reply to your message. Everything included in the text message above is a device to increase the response of her sending a message back. This system will get a response 99% of the time, assuming you flirted correctly during the first encounter and she doesn’t have a boyfriend. It combines the advantages of both calling and sending e-mails to increase your chances of success. So how long should you wait after getting her number before you send the message? The day after is the best time to text her. If you send a message the same day you may freak her out by your eagerness. Sending a text message a week later is too late because by then she’s probably long forgotten you. 1 or 2 days after getting her number is the best time frame with which to work. Step 3 – Wait For Reply This is the easy part. Waiting for the woman to reply to your message. I say easy because you don’t need to do anything but this step could drive a lot of men insane. Not hearing from a woman for several hours would be hard for some men. They may start to make judgments on what she thinks. “Why hasn’t she replied yet?” They’ll start to pollute their minds with all sorts of ideas like: • She doesn’t like me • She probably deleted my text • She thought I was boring So how do you know what she thinks before she’s messaged you back? The answer is to not care. “If you get a reply great! If not, no big deal.” Don’t waste your time thinking about what she thinks. If you don’t get a reply you can send another message 2 days later with the following text. Hey (name), I’m going down to (date idea) soon u should come along. Be completely calm, understanding and not annoyed that she didn’t text you back from the first message and just wait for a reply patiently. Don’t get upset or negatively emotional and never try to make women feel guilty, you’ll just come across weak and insecure. If she still doesn’t reply you have two choices. 1. Call Her There still could be legitimate reasons why she didn’t respond. 2. Move On © Christopher Williamson 2005
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There are plenty of women out there, if one isn’t interested don’t get upset just understand she wasn’t right for you or you need to continue working on your flirting skills to improve your chances of success. She might have had a boyfriend or it could have been a complicated time in her life. Women still give out numbers when they have boyfriends but don’t tell men until they contact them, strange isn’t it? Step 4 – Call Her Upon Reply Now here’s where the system works wonders. As soon as you get a reply from the first message call her straight away, don’t wait. The minute you get a reply to your phone you can be certain she has her phone on, in her hand and is very likely to answer. Of course she could be in a meeting or at the cinema when she replied, but in most cases if she just messaged you she is available to talk. From here you can talk for a few minutes simply to organize a “catch up”.
Text Message Battles Even if she already shows interest from the message, only send one text message. It saves lots of time. Here’s an example of a back and forth text message battle. YOU: I’m free Tuesday and Wednesday. HER: Sorry I’ve already got plans then. YOU: Ok… What about Monday night next week? HER: No but I can do Monday day. Can you see how frustrating this would be? If she delays replying each and every message this could be a long pointless process. The man would get paranoid and start thinking that the woman is making up excuses not to see him. This assumption could be completely false but it is difficult to be sure without hearing her voice. Because you’re limited to words women can often misinterpret what you’re saying and you might ruin a perfectly good dating opportunity by a stupid misunderstanding. Save Time By using this system you save time in dealing with women that would most likely bail out on you anyway. Talk about an amazing time management tool. Just remember:
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How successfully you flirt when you met her governs how likely she is to text you back and go out on a date. Now if she replies great! If not, who cares? She wasn’t that interested in you anyway and you just saved a lot of time. If she were interested she would have responded. The text method works wonders for a few reasons.
Quick and easy 99% chance of women answering the phone. Great training wheels for shy inexperienced men Saves you time and money on women that weren’t very interested.
Because it’s so easy to ignore a message you can guarantee that a woman who replies to your message is definitely interested in a date.
How To Act On The Phone Remember flirting on the phone only allows 45% of your potential flirting powers so the quicker you end the phone call and see the woman in person the better. The best strategy to use when calling a woman is to create a sense of urgency and always seem busy. It’s not manipulative but rather a favorable situation to end the phone call and allow the attraction to grow by flirting with her in person. You suggest that you don’t have much time to talk because you’re busy. This way the conversation is short, sweet and to the point. Take control of the conversation and direct it towards your intention of seeing her again.
Word-for-Word Phone Conversation Here’s an example of a phone conversation using the occupied and urgent technique. John: Sarah: John: Sarah:
Hey Sarah, how are things? Good. Great. Listen I don’t have long to talk. I’m just calling to see if you want to catch up this Thursday at 5pm for coffee at (x café shop). Sure.
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John: Sarah:
Great, I’ll see you Thursday then. See ya Sarah. Bye.
Although this is a very simple conversation, it works. There is no need to talk for longer than a few minutes. Keeping the phone conversation short shows you have a life and other things to do. Men who linger on the phone until the woman gets bored project that they have nothing better to do than talk all day. These women might be doing important things and now find you annoying because you’ve kept them from their activities. Even if the flirting during the first encounter went really well and the woman was attracted to you, by lingering on the phone without flirting you show that you faked the first encounter by communicating that it wasn’t the real you. Of course most conversations won’t be this short but keep them as close to this guideline as possible. If she starts asking you about your day you can comment but don’t get into details because before you know it you’ve just used all your “Mr. Interesting” on the phone rather than the actual date. If you want to build some emotion on the phone with flirting that’s fine. If you decide to talk a little longer make sure you end the conversation at the peak of your emotionally intense flirting and never when you run out of things to say and it dies down. HE JUST: called, invited me on a date and left. THAT MEANS: he’s confident, independent, directed and has a life. He’s got other things to do than just talk to me and even though I wanted him to talk to me longer I respect him more and feel even more attracted to him now.
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Chapter 5: Talking On Dates Genuineness The first date is one big test. As always, women are interpreting your moves and wondering what sort of man you really are. The biggest test you’ll face on the first date unfortunately lasts the entire date. This is the test: Are you the same guy that I met the other day? This doesn’t mean are you literally the same guy, but rather where you putting on an act when she met you or where you really being the funny, intelligent and charming man she met? Women don’t want to give out their phone numbers to fun; playful and flirty men, only to find out these men used a rehearsed charming line and don’t actually have anything interesting to say and can’t hold a conversation to save themselves. While most of the techniques in this book are great training wheels to get you started you can’t solely rely on this material. The examples that appeal to you the most are most likely similar to your “true” personality, but unfortunately shyness stops most men from ever showing their true self. Yes, you should “be yourself” but unless you feel comfortable around women you’ll always put on a shy boring personality hoping it gets you somewhere. Instead you’ll fumble, stutter, look submissive and act boring. This is not being yourself. This is being nervous. As you analyze these flirtatious examples during different dates you’ll eventually gain a deeper understanding of flirting. Of course it’s difficult to feel confident and be fun during the first date, especially if you haven’t dated for a long time. Luckily experience cures even the most nervous men allowing them to be totally confident and fun.
Examples: The Flirting Formula During Dates There are many places you can take women on dates. Depending on the type of woman she is, try and gauge what she’d like to do. But if you really aren’t sure where to take her, coffee is always the safest first date.
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Shopping During a shopping session you’ve got many conversation topics at your disposal. Starting conversations should be easy with all the shops, items and people around. Shopping is great because it shows you’re not trying to impress. You’re both constantly moving which makes the experience much more energetic and lively, a great way for her to remember the date. Clothing Store – Find the most horrible piece of clothing and place it in front of her while looking in the mirror and tell her it makes her ‘look cool’. She’ll say it’s horrible and tell you to get it away from her but just continue to emphasis why you think it looks cool. “Na look it matches your hair/eyes so well” The idea is to be sarcastic. You need to find something that looks terrible otherwise she’ll think you’re strange. If you’re not sure what’s unstylish ask her,“So what’s the dorkiest girl’s item in this place?” Then grab the outfit she points to and say why it suits her so well. Clothing Store -Give her a weird look when she picks a piece of clothing off the rack that she obviously likes. Opposite to the previous, this works well when she points out something she likes. Remember, by always having the opposite reaction to what she likes builds tension and intensifies emotion. This is powerful flirting.
Coffee Unlike shopping, coffee doesn’t have much movement and energy. A date at a cafe needs flirting that is playful and confident. But because you can’t move around as much the power of your verbal flirting becomes more important. Play footsies under the table. Although it’s a cliché, it works. While you’re talking or having a moment of silence gently step on her foot. Once she looks at you glance away pretending you didn’t do it or look at her like a foot war is about to break out. Your facial expressions need to let her know you’re not being serious. Alternatively you can point to somebody at another table implying he stepped on her foot. Choose the option with which you’re most comfortable. Pretend to read her future in her palm © Christopher Williamson 2005
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Ask for her hand and tell her something silly about her future. Say, “Do you want to know your future?” If she agrees grab her hand and in a disappointing voice tell her that she’ll be working at McDonald’s for the rest of her life. Alternatively, you can just ask for her hand and just say, “Oh… no!” and give her hand back. After her curiosity has been stirred by saying things like, “I don’t think I can be seen with you anymore” then reveal her future.
Mini Golf Mini golf is a great active date that you’ll both enjoy. Make sure she’s the “fun type”; unfortunately some girls believe they’re “too cool” for activities such as mini golf. If she is too cool to play, it’s a good indicator that she’s not adventurous and fun. The only rule is to take the game very light-heartedly and maintain emotion, drama and tension throughout the entire date. Make a wager that the winner is crowned “the coolest person in the world.” Although this sounds silly it’s very flirtatious and fun, especially if you’re a highly competitive person. Making a meaningless wager such as this makes the mini golf game much more exciting, tense and an excuse for excessive flirtation. Cheat any way possible to make sure you win. Because you’re not taking the mini golf seriously you can do sneaky things to make sure you win. If you do poorly you can say, “I’m just giving you a head start”. If you do poorly putting near a hole take several shots in a row and say it was only one shot. She’ll say you’re cheating and you can simply tell her you’re making new rules to the game. “The new rules state that only Chris can win! Hey, you gotta play by the rules Fiona.” If you play a terrible shot playfully and sarcastically boast about how great your skills are. If she sees you take a bad shot say something like, “No, no it’s alright, I’m just warming up” “You put me off” or “You’re bad luck”. The idea is to keep flirtatious sexual tension and to make sure you’re arrogance comes across as being playful. Pretend to be a serious golfer. Put on your most serious face, lick your finger and check the direction of the wind and take your shot like the pros do on TV. This works even better if you’re indoors. Obviously jump back out of your serious face when you finish. This communicates you don’t take things too seriously and that golf isn’t the © Christopher Williamson 2005
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most interesting sport, especially for women, but you’re making it as fun as possible.
Movies While the movies can be a great place to take women on dates, it’s not recommended for the first date. It’s hard to spend time together with someone when you can’t talk in the cinema. Regardless of whether you go on your first date or a later date make sure it’s a film that’s been screening for some time so there won’t be that many people in the cinema. Ask her if she thinks the lead male role is hot. Then ask her who’s the hottest actor. When she tells you her answer, tell her she has a crush on him. It’s just harmless fun to tease women about a crush they have. It doesn’t even matter if she really likes the actor or not. Throw popcorn at her. Remember when you were a child? Did you ever harmlessly throw things at your brothers or sisters? Maybe it was your best friend? Just like a woman communicates that they like a man by slapping him on the arm, you’re communicating your interest by throwing popcorn at her. The best thing is you can’t accidentally hurt anyone by throwing popcorn because it’s light as a feather. You may even break out into a popcorn fight. Tell her she needs to keep her distance; she’s being “suggestive” The best way to create sexual tension is to mention it. Let the woman know she’s being “too suggestive” by sitting next to you in the cinema. You can pretend to define an invisible wall between the two seats to make it perfectly clear that you don’t want her temptations to get the better of her. Alternatively, move to the next seat leaving a gap between the two of you and then wave to her implying you’re now at a safe distance. You might get a soft hit or disappointed look but don’t give in. After you’ve made you’re point you can move back to your seat. This technique shows you’re not eager and are accusing the woman of being the aggressive male. It’s fun, flirty and she’ll love it, whether she admits it or not. Notice how most of these flirting techniques are based on conflict, emotion and sexual tension? Create playful arguments during your dates.
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What To Talk About On Dates Your first date is not a job interview. You don’t need to know all the demographics about your date. Save that stuff for when she really likes you. When she begs you to answer these questions you know she’s interested. There are many interesting areas of conversation you should focus on; likewise there are also some topics you should never talk about during early dates.
Good Topics The best way to make women feel comfortable and close is getting them to share experiences and information about themselves. Ask about their passions, dreamlife and what they wanted to be when were a little girl. Talk about current TV shows, Hollywood gossip and anything in the entertainment industry. Don’t forget to throw in some playful behavior during the dates to keep the interaction interesting. Remember: If you get caught up in the facts you’ll certainly become boring. You’re in complete control over what you talk about so make it interesting. If you do talk about factual stuff spice it up with things like, “You’re such a dork” “I’m watching you missy” or “You know I have eyes in the back of my head. I can see everything.”
Deadly Topics Politics, propaganda, religion and negative experiences such as deaths, expartners or the state of the world are all topics from which to stay away. People associate the time they’ve had with someone to the feelings they experienced during their time together. If you’ve spoken excessively about topics that have no hope of bringing up humor, you’re in trouble. If you find yourself moving into one of these directions just say, “Let’s talk about (insert new topic)”, then quickly interject using one of the topics above to save yourself from a depressing date. Don’t say, “Can we please change the subject”, just go ahead and talk about something more fun. You’re the leader so make sure you guide the conversation in a positive direction.
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Chapter 6: Dating Guidelines “What is not earned is not valued” You’re about to learn 18 strategies that truly impress women. While some of these tips may seem strange remember one principle. A man that is not earned is not valued in the eyes of beautiful women. When you start using these tips notice how women begin to treat you differently.
1. Answer demographic questions with sarcasm One of the worst things men do when interacting with beautiful women is get trapped in plain and boring conversations with them. Some guys get so nervous that they lose all creativity in coming up with interesting topics. They resort to tedious factual questions that don’t lead to the kind of flirtatious exchange that engages a woman’s attention. It’s not that these questions are bad – they just shouldn’t be used in a first encounter with women. Regular conversations often consist of unimaginative questions that are likely to put a woman to sleep if they don’t turn her off you completely. Logical conversation defined another way means giving someone straight plain answers to their questions. What’s your name? How old are you? Where do you work? How long?
Sam. 25. In a pharmacy. 2 years 4 months.
Absolutely boring! Women are emotional creatures and they love the feeling a collection of emotions gives them. You may have heard of the term flirting before and never really understood what it was or never really thought it was necessary in attracting women. Well, I’m here to tell you that flirting is an important part of communicating with women. When women hit you with standard questions like these it’s a good idea to have cheeky answers ready to throw back at them. Playful and absurd remarks work the best. Here are some examples of better responses.
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What is your name? How old are you? So where do you work? How long? (looking at crotch) to know that.
Prince Charming. Too old for you. I’m a lion tamer. No, really, I am! I don’t think you’re entitled
If you don’t talk in a playful tone of voice you’ll come across as serious, arrogant or just weird. On the other hand, if you answer her questions playfully with logical answers you’ll seem childish and feminine. So make sure your comments are both playful and absurd. Of course you can’t keep this charade up forever but by answering question in a funny way you show her that you have a fun personality and don’t take the date too seriously.
2. Kiss her by the end of the date Very rarely will a woman take charge and kiss a man. You can sit together for hours and a woman won’t kiss you. Because men are supposed to be the sexual initiators, you always have to kiss her first. This is similar to the test women use to weed out weak men from starting conversations with them. If you’re not strong and brave enough to kiss me, you’re not the man I’m looking for. For example, if she’s at your place but she’s already stopped your kissing attempts it doesn’t mean she’s not interested. Why would she be there in the first place? There could be several reasons why she didn’t want to kiss you. Many of them are harmless and should in no way be interpreted as an outright rejection. The man may be thinking: “She doesn’t like me.” But the woman is really thinking: “That wasn’t the right place for a kiss” or “I want it to be special” or “We’re supposed to kiss later”. We tend to assume the worst from every situation. We think that no means no forever. When in fact it simply means no, not right at this moment. Persistence is very important. She may reject your advances once, but if you suddenly attempt to kiss her later on, she won’t resist. Why? Women need time to get turned on and genuinely interested in a man. Different women will have different rules about when they should kiss a man. She may say “No, no, no, no,” then suddenly, “Yes!” As the rule says, always kiss a woman by the end of the first date, usually as you part to go your own ways. If you don’t kiss her after one date you’re not making the necessary sexual advances to progress the relationship.
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Show her you’re a man by taking charge and kissing her. Women actually find these leadership acts – kissing and making decisions – very attractive. Use them wherever possible.
3. See her once a week for two months This rule is not set in stone, but for the guy that is just starting to improve his dating success this rule is priceless. Give women time to reflect on the experiences they’ve had with you. Nobody even sees their best friend every day of the week, so why should it be any different for a potential long-term partner? Have you ever thought about the process of falling in love? Does it happen when people spend time at the movies together, when they go out for that picnic, or maybe it’s during that amazing night of sex? Actually it’s none of these. Love is a powerful process that occurs when you’re away from somebody you care about. It’s not the events that bring you closer together, but the reflections about these experiences when you’re alone that trigger these feelings. The more you think about the person you are dating, the more you become addicted to thinking about them. It may seem like a strange and unfamiliar idea but try and remember a woman you couldn’t stop thinking about. Did you think about her lying in your bed? While you were at work? Driving in your car? Did you get a warm fuzzy feeling every time you said her name? That’s when the falling-in-love was taking place.
4. Cultivate the ability to not care If you put all your focus on getting just one woman you will put enormous pressure on yourself to succeed. This extremely “goal oriented” way of thinking is very destructive and leads to natural signs of eagerness. Instead, look at every new woman you meet as a possibility for a date. What happens if the woman you are pursuing decides she isn’t interested? Then you’ve just wasted two weeks chasing this woman only to get rejected. It’s encounters like this that really crush men. They put so much thought into a single girl they fall in love with her and sit locked in their room for days after the rejection disaster. When you concentrate exclusively on just one woman your desire naturally grows stronger and stronger because you have no other options in your life. At this point you start clinging and being insecure again, losing all sense of masculinity, without even realizing it. You call more often, linger on the phone until she finally says, “Ahh... I have to go now,” and you beg her to “catch up”
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with you. Who’s doing the chasing now? Ultimately, this throws you back in the category where most frustrated men stay all their lives. Although you want to become a strong, independent man, having your own life, this is not to say you should abuse the rights of women. The idea is not dating hundreds of women and saying that you’re exclusive with every one of them. That’s not what we’re teaching you. Rather, date multiple women until you find a great girl you want to get into a relationship with. Just know that it could be 50 girls before you find a great girl. For every man it’ll be different, depending on what he likes.
5. Be a gentleman Chivalry is still an important aspect of dating which you should acknowledge. These rules have been around for decades and still apply in today’s world. Failure to be chivalrous can result in a woman no longer seeing you. Chivalry is most crucial during the first date where women form their initial impressions of you. Most men don’t understand that these tasks are simply a necessity. Just because you’re being nice it doesn’t entitle you to sleep with a woman. Learn to do these things simply as kind gestures. The order of importance is: • Pay for dates. • Open building and car doors. • Pull out her chair. • Walk on the outside of the curb. Of course you don’t have to do all of them all the time. But be aware that failure to pay for a date could mean you never get a second date. This is serious: some women take these rules very seriously. It doesn’t mean you must go out of your way to buy things – only if you end up getting food. Shopping is a great activity because the most you’ll pay for is milkshakes. Always assume you’ll pay, but if the woman insists on paying her share, let her pay after offering to pay twice. Why cause an argument? It works best when these gentlemanly actions look normal and you’re doing them sincerely and naturally. If you look uncomfortable you’ll make the woman uncomfortable.
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6. Look sharp Before you even consider getting together with a woman you must be clean. This is not an option, it’s a requirement. Women put hours and hundreds of dollars into looking their best when going into public. To leave the best possible impression you need to have everything working in your favor, and it doesn’t take much effort to shower. Clothes Dedicate an entire day at your local mall to get your personal appearance up to scratch. If you already have a stunning wardrobe, that’s great! On the other hand, if you’re the type of guy who wouldn’t know style if he were wearing it, then get someone to help you out. This is the perfect opportunity to ask female strangers their opinion on something you sincerely need to know. Then if the conversation seems to go well you might as well ask for her number. 39 per cent of women find a man’s small and sexy butt to be his most attractive body part. So spend most of your energy finding a great pair of jeans that’ll really make your butt look stunning. Cologne Find great cologne that women really enjoy. If you pick your fragrance well women will constantly compliment you on it. Even the 30ml bottles last a long time. This doesn’t mean great cologne can replace showers. Cologne only smells great on a clean body, remember that. Always test cologne on your skin before you buy it. Some fragrances smell great on the sample card but horrible with your skin type. Shoes (most important for first impressions) Have you ever noticed some girls have more pairs of shoes than they do wardrobe space? Girls put great importance on their choice of shoes. Work out your style and then find shoes that accompany that style, or find a style that accompanies your existing pair of shoes. If you want to get noticed this is a surefire way. Personal Hygiene I hope this goes without saying – always shower, have a clean fresh haircut, trim your nails, look after your teeth, and always, and I mean always, have fresh breath. I hope you see the importance of these things when trying to date women. It would be very difficult to get a call back from a woman that smelt your beer-and-pizza breath, wouldn’t it? Work these things to your advantage. These little things can make all the difference in the long run. Have some great outfits and be proud when wearing them. © Christopher Williamson 2005
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Facial Hair If your genetics allow you to grow facial hair, experiment with growing short stubble versus a clean-shaven look. Lots of women find stubble very attractive on a man. It’s attractive because it’s unique to men, and is thus considered a physical element of masculine energy. Strangely enough, many women are attracted to men that are similar to their fathers. So if you find out her father has a beard, try growing a goatee.
7. Reward women for good behavior Diamonds are so cherished and valuable for one simple reason: because they’re rare. Masculine men reward women for good behavior by showing affection. Being an emotionally stable man doesn’t mean you have to be a cold human being that never hugs or kisses people, but bestow these signs of affection on women as gifts. Cuddle her every single second you spend with her and a hug loses its meaning as a sign of affection. If a woman really enjoys something you do, such as playing with her hair or rubbing her shoulders, limit this action during your time together, so when you finally give her what she wants, it becomes special. The best times to display this sort of affection are when she does something you like, hence the idea of “rewarding” her. Masculine men respect themselves and their time; if somebody wastes it they don’t allow that person to walk all over them. If a woman does something nice that you enjoy, show her some affection. Eventually she’ll constantly do the nice things in return for your affection.
8. Compliment women on their personalities It seems logical to give compliments when you really like someone, but there is some fascinating psychology behind this. When you envy someone for his or her coolness, popularity or, in this case, beauty, you communicate something very strong to that person. You communicate they are better than you. People know when you idolize and have worship-like tendencies towards them. This gives them an ego-boost, and even though they may appreciate your compliment they place you below themselves on the social ladder and disrespect you for it. © Christopher Williamson 2005
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Women love compliments. If you ask them how they want to be treated they’ll often mention they enjoy compliments. They do. Everyone likes to be complimented – but to attract a woman this is not recommended. Does this mean you can never give women compliments? No. Instead of complimenting her on her appearance, compliment her on her personality or great behavior. An example would be, “You know what I like about you… “You have such a passion and curiosity for life.” “You’re so open to hearing other people’s opinions.” “You have such a great sense of pride.” “You really respect people’s time.” Women love men who notice specifics. The more detailed the compliment the greater her appreciation. Always connect the compliment with an event to prove you’re not just rambling some lines off the top of your head. There’s nothing women hate more than a liar. Linked to an experience, you’d say something like: “You know what I like about you… You’re so open-minded about other people’s opinions. Like yesterday when we spoke to John you were so patient and really gave him the time he deserved.”
9. Leave with mystery When the date is over, never tell the woman you’ll call her or that you’re going to see her again. If you leave it “open to interpretation” it gives her time to think and wonder for a while how you feel about her. You want to project the masculine element of mystery. This way she’ll think about you more often. “Will he call?” “Doesn’t he like me?” “It’s been a week, why hasn’t he called?” “What did I do wrong?” If you say, “I’ll call you next week,” she instantly knows you’re 100 per cent interested. A good general rule is to seem like you’re busy and don’t have all that much time to talk to her or call her. The best way to seem busy is to actually be busy. Start taking up some hobbies, get involved in some investments, take up a challenge and be passionate about life. When you focus your life too much in one direction – on your job, relationship or free time – you start to develop obsessive tendencies towards the thing you
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focus on. Unless you can maintain a balance between your dating life and the other aspects of your life, you’ll never keep the woman you truly want. Eventually she’ll notice the strange, insecure and extreme attachment you’ve grown towards her, ultimately making you seem too feminine, and she’ll leave you. There are many strategies and guidelines you can follow to ensure you come across as cool, easy-going and masculine while dating women.
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Chapter 7: Intimacy With Women Preparation Different types and amounts of flirting are acceptable in different circumstances. The flirting you do around groups of people greatly differs to flirtatious acts around only one woman. In isolated settings such as your place or her place the rules change and you’re allowed to be more sexually flirtatious. Before we explore secluded flirting you must first understand how to successfully get there. Touching a woman is a great way to build trust. If you continue to go on dates and don’t even affectionately touch a woman’s arm at some point it becomes harder and more awkward later on. If you haven’t hugged, kissed or touched reasonable places such as her arm or hand then you’ll have trouble making her feel comfortable in an intimate setting because she hasn’t felt any contact from you before. If you watch a couple interacting from a distance you can usually tell how close they are just by how far apart they stand. Most women only feel comfortable with men entering their personal space when they know them to a certain degree. To ensure a woman will be comfortable when she’s having a date at your place here’s a guideline for what flirtatious physical contact you should have done. First Encounter:
None
Meet for first date: During the first date: End of first date:
Take hand and kiss on the cheek or nothing Touch the arm and hands in flirtatious ways Passionately kiss
Meet for second date: During the second date: End of second date:
Hug or kiss Hold hands during appropriate times Kiss and maybe hug
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While these are only guidelines and examples they show the progression of trust in a relationship and the steps necessary for comfortable physical intimacy.
Flirtatious Mood The flirtatious mood is the same flirting used during dates. This involves being playful, fun, teasing and confident. Here are some examples of fun things you can do in a secluded setting. Bed Push While the two of you are talking on your bed/couch subtly roll over while performing a yawn or stretch to move her closer to the edge. Once she realizes what’s going on she’ll try to move her way back on. Whether you decide to slowly push her completely onto the floor is your choice. Depending on the size of your bed/couch and whether this action can be done harmlessly or not is up to you. Bed Hog When she tries to get back on the bed/couch or even if she’s already lying with you roll over taking up most of the space. As she realizes you’re taking over she’ll try and win her share back. If she asks for you to roll back onto your side you can say, “what’s in it for me?” or “Na, what are you talking about? I’m not taking up any room at all.” Be smiley and sarcastic when you say this comment, creating a “I’m hard-to-get vibe.” Soft Tickle If she’s comfortable lying next to you and being close you should be able to tickle her gently to get a positive reaction. Tickling her hips, waist, feet or armpits work best. If she’s not ticklish or you don’t have the right touch to make her giggle say something like, “I’m not trying to tickle you, really I’m not”. This saves you from looking like you’ve failed at tickling. Pillow Fight To increase the excitement, grab your pillow and start whacking her softly with it. If she joins in and gets more aggressive turn up the pace but don’t use all your strength. If you’re looking for a great way to transition into a pillow fight throw your pillow at her when she’s across the room or on the bed with you. If she doesn’t throw it back tell her to throw it back. If she still doesn’t throw it get off the bed, grab the pillow off her and throw it at her again. Eventually she’ll join in.
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Suggestive Mood While hogging the bed, tickling and having pillow fights is fun it won’t easily transition into intimacy unless you know what you’re doing. The suggestive mood is slow, sexy and romantic. This type of flirting shows your intentions for women without groping or using other lame forms of horniness. The Suggestive Mood is broken down into the non-verbal, verbal and actions
Section 1: Sexy Body Language Intense eye contact, also known as (bedroom eyes), deep voice tone (bedroom voice), extremely slow intentional word emphasis and use of subliminal metaphors are used in secluded settings. Remember: 55% of flirting is body language – focused intense eyes, tall powerful posture, and slow, deliberate movements without nervous fidgeting. 38% of flirting is your voice characteristics – a slow, deep, fluctuating tone of voice that doesn’t stutter. 7% of flirting is the words you say. Even though these statistics have been mentioned several times men continue to disregard the importance of this information. These stats have been displayed again to emphasize the important factors of flirting during later stages of dating. Whether a woman considers a secluded environment with you “intimate” or not has nothing to do with what you say, but rather how sexily you portray yourself in these circumstances. Understand that 100% of the flirting mentioned above show a man who’s confident and in control of the situation. Here are 3 non-verbal cues to keep in mind.
Smile With Your Eyes “Smile with your eyes.” Have you ever heard of this expression? It’s how you’d look if you expressed happiness without smiling. Eyes are said to be the “gateway to the soul” and I would agree with that. Your eyes say more about you than you can imagine and women love the intense focus they get from your smiling eyes. If you find this concept hard to grasp try smiling in the mirror with your
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whole face and then slowly drop your mouth into its neutral position. Your eyes sparkle and glow when you do this. It goes without saying you want to give women your complete attention during this stage of the courting process. There is no need to tease and play around anymore. The woman likes you and wants to be with you.
Slow, Deep and Deliberate Speech HE JUST: spoke and moved slow and sexy. THAT MEANS: he’s confident, masculine, and romantic and knows what to do. I want him. Make no mistake; nothing is sexier than a man who knows what to do. Because women interpret slow and sexy with confidence the way you say your words becomes much more important. • • •
Instead of grabbing a pillow and throwing it at her, touch her hair softly. Instead of tickling her, look deep into her eyes with sparkling eyes. Instead of laughing loudly, lean back and give her a smirk with the corner of your mouth.
Do you understand the difference? You need to act cool in the intimate situations.
Personal Space If the woman isn’t comfortable with you entering her personal space at this stage you haven’t initiated enough physical contact during your previous encounters. In secluded settings it’s much more appropriate to sit closer, have your bodies touching and have your faces close together. By kissing or hugging you are entering personal space. Make sure you realize it’s now appropriate for you to make the moves that seemed unacceptable before.
Section 2: Sexy Talk The words you say in secluded settings can often be an absolutely normal conversation. To the naked eye it would seem like the dialogues of sexual conversation seem boring and wouldn’t work, but that’s because the words don’t
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Flirting Formula flirting secrets every guy must know
matter. Implying sexual interest can be expressed simply by your tone of voice. At this point the playfulness should stop; here’s why. HE JUST: stole my hat again and is teasing me, again! THAT MEANS: he probably doesn’t like me and is playing with my emotions. He already won me over with his charm, confidence, social ability and playfulness and he knows I’m his, why doesn’t he want me? Can you see how the dynamics change in secluded settings? While this stuff works to attract women, eventually women come to a point where they’re so attracted to you that they just want to kiss and be intimate. While it’s okay to be playful in secluded settings the suggestive mood needs to start at some point for intimacy to begin. When a couple move into an intimate setting the conversation can take a turn towards plain boring words but still be extremely sexy and seductive. Look at the following dialogue closely.
Oranges Dialogue Man: Hey what’s that? Woman: An orange. Man: Oh, do you like oranges? Woman: Yeah. Man: Yeah you love them, don’t you? I can see it in your eyes. Is it because they taste so sweet? Or do you prefer their shape? After reading this dialogue exchange you might think:” What the heck? They’re just talking about oranges?” As explained before the words almost become obsolete and a seductive tone of voice becomes the driving force. The use of metaphors can take the place of real words in this situation. When the man says, “Yeah you really love them”, this is just playful courting that keeps the conversation going. Here’s another example.
Magic Pen Dialogue Man: Woman: Man: Woman:
See this pen? Yeah. This is my magic pen. Oh yeah, what’s so magic about it?
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Flirting Formula flirting secrets every guy must know
Man: Woman: Man: Woman: Man: Woman: Man:
Well, I can write things in blue, black, red and even green. That doesn’t sound so magic to me. Yeah, well to your naked eye this may seem so. You see there isn’t another like this one anywhere. You could search your entire life and never find another just like this. Is that so? Yep, before you know it you’ll miss out forever. How would that feel? Well I’m not sure. Well that’s because you haven’t looked hard enough. Let me show you its magic.
If you don’t see how using plain language like this could work then read through this dialogue again visualizing the man as a confident person who speaks slowly, deeply and deliberately. Unfortunately most men find it difficult to believe this sort of behavior is very attractive when it’s executed in the appropriate environment. A dialogue exchange such as this would usually take place in a bedroom, empty park, beach or on a couch. It’s very difficult to understand this sort of communication unless you’ve seen it done extensively. If you want some great examples to get your head around this sort of flirting hire some James Bond films and watch how Bond uses suggestive flirting to attract women. Bottom line, secluded flirting is suggesting sexual interest. While the dialogue seems like meaningless drivel the magic pen could also be interpreted as a metaphor for the man himself. With lines such as, “You see there isn’t another like this one anywhere.” “You could search your entire life and never find another just like this” “Yep, before you know it you’ll miss out forever” “Well that’s because you haven’t looked hard enough. Let me show you its magic.” All these lines could be interpreted as the pen’s magic or the man’s magic? What exactly is his magic? Well, whatever the woman interprets it to be.
How To Turn Women On While pillow fighting and tickling are examples of energetic flirting these examples are executed in a toned down manner. In contrast you want to perform actions that are gentle and soft. • • •
Run your finger along her arms and other innocent parts very gently Massage her neck and shoulders Stroke her hair softly
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Flirting Formula flirting secrets every guy must know
• •
Kiss her neck and shoulders gently Whisper in her ear softly
Once you’ve done these things and the woman is ready for hot and heavy intimacy you must initiate this and take charge. She’ll feel 1000 times more turned on if you take the lead.
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Flirting Formula flirting secrets every guy must know
Chapter 8: Flirting Action Plan Even with dozens of examples many men will be confused and overwhelmed trying to determine which lines to use and when. Rather than trying to memorize lines, these examples are given so you can understand the concept of flirting from different perspectives and eventually develop your own style.
Model The Masters The very best way to quickly expand your understanding of flirting is to watch others flirt in the real world. While reading information gives you an understanding nothing can take the place of real experience. Here are some of the best ways to start observing other experts. Friends If any of your friends are great at dating and attracting women watch them carefully from now on. Watch what they say and how the women react. Go out with them to clubs and bars, parties and social events. If they have girlfriends watch how they interact together. You’ll notice a lot of their behavior is similar to what you’ve just learned. Guys in Bars and Clubs If none of your friends are successful with women then watch guys in bars and clubs. While it might be difficult to listen in on their conversations watch the body language these men present while they walk through the clubs. Watch how they interact with women and how the women react. How do you find the most successful men in the club? Look for men that are already talking to women. Most men never even build up the nerve to approach a single woman the entire night. Men who start conversations effortlessly are the men you want to watch. Also look for self-confident men who have strong posture, direct eye contact and calm movements. Irresistible Film Legends © Christopher Williamson 2005
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Flirting Formula flirting secrets every guy must know
Films can portray false realities that would never happen in real life but there are some movies where men are doing exactly the right things to attract women. Here’s just a sample of the films you can check out to see men who know how to flirt with women. The James Bond Series Don Juan DeMarco Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom
– Pierce Bronson, Sean Connery – Johnny Depp – Harrison Ford
Big Personalities Often times, telling men to just be normal isn’t enough. To the average shy man the term “normal” can mean staying home and playing videogames. To “be normal” or to “be yourself” isn’t the right advice. We want men to develop big personalities. Women are attracted to spontaneous, unpredictable, mysterious, funny and interesting men. While it’s virtually impossible to list certain qualities and expect men to act accordingly it is possible to provide some places to help develop these qualities naturally. Drama Groups Drama students and actors alike are an interesting bunch. They possess most of the qualities above including confidence. Joining a drama group that gets together regularly does wonders for a man’s confidence, if he can build up the courage to start. It may seem silly and strange because it’s not within your comfort zone but then again neither is talking to women. If you want more self-confidence sign up for a theatre group today and let the actor’s optimism and quick-wit brush off onto you. Really consider looking up drama classes, it’s the best investment you’ll ever make. Popular Hosts Television and radio hosts are paid for their big personalities. Next time you listen to live radio or live TV shows pay attention to the attitudes, expressions, tone of voice of the host rather than what they actually say. The reason for listening and watching live broadcasts is because these people need to think on the spot; they naturally have these high social skills.
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Flirting Formula flirting secrets every guy must know
Learning Process If you’re completely terrified talking to women memorize some easy techniques like poking your tongue out at women and see what happens. Once you see women responding positively towards you the motivation to grow and to learn more flirtatious techniques will come naturally. Start by learning just one technique from this book and start using it during your conversations with women. Most men because they fear failure try to know everything before they try anything. This is the wrong approach. While a lot of people claim to know everything they don’t seem to put anything into practice. Actions speak louder than words. To really benefit from the overwhelming amount of information provided you must pick just one technique to use when you flirt with women. Why only one technique? While you may know everything now, when you start conversations with women everything will fly out the window. Having just one technique allows you to assess the woman’s reaction. Use the technique, assess how the woman reacts and start to use a second technique. Like building blocks, use one technique to progress to more complex techniques. You can’t expect to know everything before you try anything! What if something doesn’t work? If you keep trying one technique and your results are less than favorable, then you need to move back and reassess why things aren’t working. There are three reasons the technique won’t work. First Common Mistake – Poor Body Language Remember if you can’t make women feel comfortable first, nothing else will work. In Chapter 5 read the section called, First Encounter Flirting: Non-Verbal and look at the drawings to see what might be wrong with your posture, eye contact or facial gestures. Don’t project nervousness or else women will be nervous too! Of course this skill takes practice so don’t expect to walk up to women and have total confidence the first time. Second Common Mistake – Not Being Social, Fun and Interesting If you believe your body language is great go back and read “Playful Flirting” in Chapter 3 and realize most men don’t speak emotionally when talking to a woman they really like. Remember for women to feel attracted you need to add some conflict and tension first.
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Flirting Formula flirting secrets every guy must know
Third Common Mistake – Sucking Up Too Much If you’re doing everything above correctly then maybe you’re sucking up to women too much. Women hate this behavior and don’t find it attractive at all. Go back and read “Human Desire” and “Sucking Up vs. Playing Hard-ToGet” in Chapter 5. As you grow from your experience it’ll become easier and natural to flirt with women wherever you go. Learn from your mistakes so you can move forward quickly without much frustration.
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Flirting Formula flirting secrets every guy must know
You’ve arrived at the last page and that says a lot about you. You’re ready for success and are willing to do what’s necessary to achieve your goals. Congratulations and good luck on your journey to a successful and happy dating life! I hope you have enjoyed your journey through this book. If you have any questions or success stories feel free to send your comments to:
[email protected]
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